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1
00:00:09,568 --> 00:00:12,404
Flight attendants,
please prepare for landing.
2
00:00:13,238 --> 00:00:15,507
Oh, yeah. That's it,
that's it, that's it, baby.
3
00:00:15,540 --> 00:00:18,577
That is it right there.
Okay, right there,
4
00:00:18,610 --> 00:00:21,948
Oh, baby. Look at you.
You're so hot. You're so hot.
5
00:00:21,981 --> 00:00:23,783
Yeah, that's it. That's it.
6
00:00:23,816 --> 00:00:24,951
Ma'am, we're about to land.
7
00:00:24,984 --> 00:00:26,686
It's FAA regulations,
8
00:00:26,719 --> 00:00:28,788
you need to take your seat.
9
00:00:35,762 --> 00:00:38,296
Flight
attendants, prepare for landing.
10
00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:41,199
Ma'am, we really need
you to take your seat.
11
00:00:41,233 --> 00:00:43,803
Open the door.
12
00:00:45,570 --> 00:00:47,472
- What can I say.
- Ma'am.
13
00:00:49,608 --> 00:00:50,910
Hi.
14
00:00:52,779 --> 00:00:54,312
Consider it a gift.
15
00:00:54,346 --> 00:00:56,515
It'll redampen the dustiest
16
00:00:56,548 --> 00:00:58,417
of batcaves
if you get my drift.
17
00:00:59,618 --> 00:01:00,887
Just saying.
18
00:02:23,069 --> 00:02:25,570
What we want to stress,
Mr. Walker,
19
00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:26,939
is the unity of death.
20
00:02:27,707 --> 00:02:30,810
We believe this isn't
the end of your mother's life,
21
00:02:30,843 --> 00:02:33,079
but an opportunity
to bring together
22
00:02:33,112 --> 00:02:37,817
all the elements so greatly
deserved to be celebrated.
23
00:02:37,850 --> 00:02:41,721
As you'll see from our brochure,
we offer a variety
24
00:02:41,754 --> 00:02:44,657
of packages to suit every need,
25
00:02:44,690 --> 00:02:48,027
however turgid
or contoured they may be.
26
00:02:48,728 --> 00:02:50,997
Will your sister
be joining us today?
27
00:02:52,064 --> 00:02:55,701
My sister had an emergency
and missed her earlier flight.
28
00:02:56,535 --> 00:03:01,741
So, in interest of time, this is the
obit my mother wanted.
29
00:03:02,775 --> 00:03:04,677
This she only wanted opened
by the funeral home.
30
00:03:06,344 --> 00:03:11,717
And this is where, uh, well, you know,
this is where she wanted her ashes to go.
31
00:03:14,987 --> 00:03:16,722
She loved whales.
32
00:03:16,756 --> 00:03:20,760
Untraditional, yes.
But we always strive
33
00:03:20,793 --> 00:03:23,062
to satisfy the last wishes
of a loved one.
34
00:03:23,095 --> 00:03:26,032
Oh, uh, that reminds me.
35
00:03:26,799 --> 00:03:28,668
This is the picture
that she wanted for the paper.
36
00:03:29,401 --> 00:03:31,704
It was her, uh,
it was her favorite shot.
37
00:03:32,171 --> 00:03:35,775
Lovely. Oh, it looks like
you have another sister.
38
00:03:35,808 --> 00:03:36,776
That's me.
39
00:03:40,746 --> 00:03:45,852
Very well, then.
We'll, of course, take care of everything.
40
00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:48,788
Rest assured, Mr. Walker,
41
00:03:48,821 --> 00:03:50,957
that we at Forever and a Day
42
00:03:50,990 --> 00:03:52,959
will do everything in our power
43
00:03:52,992 --> 00:03:54,961
to create an environment
44
00:03:54,994 --> 00:03:57,930
as tasteful and befitting
45
00:03:57,964 --> 00:04:00,532
as your loved one deserves.
46
00:04:01,466 --> 00:04:02,601
Knock yourself out.
47
00:04:14,714 --> 00:04:17,116
Did anyone ever tell you
your beak's kinda fucked up?
48
00:04:18,017 --> 00:04:19,719
You really should talk
to your manufacturer.
49
00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:22,755
Who's ever heard
of a sad-faced duck?
50
00:04:24,757 --> 00:04:27,459
- Hello?
- Daddy and I can't come to the phone right now,
51
00:04:27,492 --> 00:04:30,062
so please leave a message
after the beep.
52
00:04:44,977 --> 00:04:48,546
Congratulations.
You've made it to level five.
53
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:51,183
- All right, my man.
- Lesson three.
54
00:04:51,217 --> 00:04:54,619
- Give me some love.
- And to really understand the root of a problem,
55
00:04:54,654 --> 00:04:58,724
you have to dig down deep
into the actual roots.
56
00:04:58,758 --> 00:05:02,762
R-O-O-T-S. Resignation,
57
00:05:02,795 --> 00:05:07,733
observation, outlook,
tenacity, and spirituality.
58
00:05:07,767 --> 00:05:11,804
Resignation, observation,
outlook,
59
00:05:12,705 --> 00:05:15,241
tenacity, and spirituality.
60
00:05:15,274 --> 00:05:17,643
That's it.
You can do it.
61
00:05:18,077 --> 00:05:20,813
Be the change. Be the change.
62
00:05:20,846 --> 00:05:23,816
Come on, say it with me.
Be the change.
63
00:05:23,849 --> 00:05:26,618
- Be the change.
- Be the change.
64
00:05:26,652 --> 00:05:29,587
- Be the change.
- Be the change.
65
00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:33,458
- Be the change.
- Again, with more tenacity.
66
00:05:34,093 --> 00:05:35,460
Be the change.
67
00:05:36,195 --> 00:05:38,530
- Be the change.
- Be the change.
68
00:05:38,563 --> 00:05:41,667
Brandon, be the change.
Don't just want it. You gotta be it.
69
00:05:41,701 --> 00:05:44,804
- Be the change.
- Ooh. Yeah, I got this.
70
00:05:44,837 --> 00:05:47,707
Get off my ass, man.
71
00:05:48,808 --> 00:05:50,508
Be the change!
72
00:05:50,542 --> 00:05:51,978
You need to be the change,
73
00:05:52,011 --> 00:05:53,879
all right? Be the change.
74
00:06:07,927 --> 00:06:10,162
You know what she's gonna do.
75
00:06:10,196 --> 00:06:12,631
You know the bullshit
she's gonna throw your way.
76
00:06:12,665 --> 00:06:15,801
Just handle it. Stay calm.
Do not engage,
77
00:06:15,835 --> 00:06:17,269
all right? Do not engage.
78
00:06:18,738 --> 00:06:23,676
Just... be the change.
79
00:06:23,709 --> 00:06:27,947
Be the change. Just be the change.
You gotta be the change.
80
00:06:27,980 --> 00:06:29,614
Be the change.
81
00:06:32,351 --> 00:06:35,788
Holy fuck! Fucking hell, man.
82
00:06:35,821 --> 00:06:37,723
Careful
with the curse words, Brandon.
83
00:06:37,757 --> 00:06:39,557
- I'm always watching.
- Get off!
84
00:06:39,591 --> 00:06:42,028
- You're late.
- Actually, Star, you're late.
85
00:06:42,061 --> 00:06:45,131
- A Prius, Brandon? Really?
- Don't touch...
86
00:06:45,164 --> 00:06:47,833
Really? I mean, aren't you supposed
to be all de-gay-ified and shit?
87
00:06:47,867 --> 00:06:50,669
I mean, what, was the Oscar Meyer
Wiener Mobile not available?
88
00:06:50,703 --> 00:06:53,773
A, it's called a process,
and B, fuck you.
89
00:07:00,146 --> 00:07:01,847
- Hey.
- Hey.
90
00:07:02,748 --> 00:07:03,682
How you holding up?
91
00:07:04,183 --> 00:07:06,551
Shitty. You?
92
00:07:07,086 --> 00:07:08,087
Shitty.
93
00:07:10,956 --> 00:07:12,825
Well, if there's one thing
I've learned in this family,
94
00:07:12,858 --> 00:07:14,760
it's misery loves company.
95
00:07:15,694 --> 00:07:16,629
Seatbelt.
96
00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:27,006
Thank you. By the way, did you enjoy the
George W book I sent you for your birthday?
97
00:07:27,039 --> 00:07:30,843
Yeah.
Yep, uh, you could say that.
98
00:07:35,114 --> 00:07:38,217
- Okay. Home sweet home.
- Yep.
99
00:07:50,329 --> 00:07:51,630
I got this.
100
00:08:01,907 --> 00:08:02,908
Well, your room,
101
00:08:04,710 --> 00:08:07,680
your room is pretty much,
well, just like you left it.
102
00:08:08,380 --> 00:08:10,382
I, uh, thought
I'd make us some dinner.
103
00:08:11,750 --> 00:08:14,619
The 'hood.
Does it smell different?
104
00:08:15,855 --> 00:08:19,892
No. That's the smell
of stagnation. This is Iowa.
105
00:08:19,925 --> 00:08:20,993
Nothing ever changes.
106
00:08:22,128 --> 00:08:25,397
Oh, you, uh, you remember
Mom's little, uh, obsession?
107
00:08:26,365 --> 00:08:28,067
- Yeah.
- Brace yourself.
108
00:08:31,704 --> 00:08:33,239
She discovered EBay.
109
00:08:40,045 --> 00:08:42,848
- Holy batshit.
- Yeah.
110
00:08:44,049 --> 00:08:45,951
Brandon, what are we gonna
do with all this stuff?
111
00:08:47,386 --> 00:08:50,923
I don't know. We have an appointment
with Ira in the morning, so...
112
00:08:50,956 --> 00:08:53,726
- Ira? Is he still around?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
113
00:08:53,759 --> 00:08:56,428
I thought he would've joined a commune
with the Vienna Boys Choir or something.
114
00:08:56,462 --> 00:08:59,398
Nope. He's actually
taking this pretty hard.
115
00:09:00,299 --> 00:09:01,433
So, we can't be late.
116
00:09:05,171 --> 00:09:06,438
It feels strange, doesn't it?
117
00:09:12,811 --> 00:09:16,248
- I am gonna go get changed.
- Okay.
118
00:09:17,016 --> 00:09:21,053
I'll, uh, I'll get dinner.
119
00:09:25,224 --> 00:09:28,227
All right.
Veggie burgers here we go.
120
00:11:49,034 --> 00:11:50,235
Dinner's ready.
121
00:11:51,370 --> 00:11:52,271
Coming.
122
00:12:10,622 --> 00:12:12,291
- Hey.
- Hey.
123
00:12:13,325 --> 00:12:16,428
- Oh, this looks great, Brandon.
- Thanks.
124
00:12:17,129 --> 00:12:19,331
- It's, uh, Mom's recipe. I found her old book.
- Hmm.
125
00:12:19,365 --> 00:12:21,967
It's the veggie burger.
Can we, uh, just,
126
00:12:22,635 --> 00:12:24,903
can we
say grace before we eat?
127
00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:27,339
You think I'll burst
into flames or something?
128
00:12:28,340 --> 00:12:30,175
Please? For mom?
129
00:12:31,343 --> 00:12:32,244
Thank you.
130
00:12:33,813 --> 00:12:37,449
Dear Heavenly Father, please bless this
meal which we are about to receive.
131
00:12:37,483 --> 00:12:40,319
Please continue to give us
strength and guidance.
132
00:12:41,220 --> 00:12:43,622
Please watch over the soul
of our dearly departed mother.
133
00:12:45,324 --> 00:12:48,060
- Amen.
- A-woman.
134
00:12:48,093 --> 00:12:50,262
- Do you always have to be so irreverent?
- Do you always have to have
135
00:12:50,295 --> 00:12:52,665
- a stick so firmly shoved up your rectum?
- Okay. So...
136
00:12:54,066 --> 00:12:56,703
- enough with the gay stuff.
- I'm just trying to add a little levity, Brandon.
137
00:12:56,736 --> 00:12:58,537
It's not like anyone
died or anything.
138
00:13:01,006 --> 00:13:02,141
Tough crowd.
139
00:13:07,045 --> 00:13:09,615
- So how's it all going?
- What?
140
00:13:11,016 --> 00:13:12,017
The cult thing?
141
00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:17,289
- You mean the program?
- The cult, program, whatever.
142
00:13:17,322 --> 00:13:19,258
The thing where you all
shave your head,
143
00:13:19,291 --> 00:13:21,059
sit in a circle and sing
Kumbaya while you're trying
144
00:13:21,093 --> 00:13:22,662
to exorcise
the Lady Gaga out of you.
145
00:13:24,029 --> 00:13:25,330
Not that you deserve to know,
146
00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:29,368
- but it's good actually. Thank you.
- Good.
147
00:13:29,401 --> 00:13:31,671
Things are going good. I've made
a lot of distinct strides.
148
00:13:31,704 --> 00:13:33,405
A lot of big changes.
149
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:37,042
I've had to step away
recently 'cause of the...
150
00:13:37,075 --> 00:13:40,512
because of the cost, but, uh,
I made it level five.
151
00:13:40,546 --> 00:13:42,481
- Level five?
- Mm-hmm.
152
00:13:42,514 --> 00:13:44,049
Level five.
It's a crucial level.
153
00:13:44,717 --> 00:13:47,586
That's the level where you
finally become at peace
154
00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:49,188
with who you are.
155
00:13:51,190 --> 00:13:52,224
Gay.
156
00:13:53,525 --> 00:13:54,526
No, Star.
157
00:13:55,628 --> 00:13:59,431
Like I've said, no one's really
gay anymore, okay?
158
00:13:59,465 --> 00:14:02,735
Society is confused. We're getting
things thrown at us from all angles.
159
00:14:02,769 --> 00:14:06,371
- Social media, technology. We're all confused.
- Mm-hmm.
160
00:14:06,405 --> 00:14:07,573
And I was just...
161
00:14:09,308 --> 00:14:11,076
I was just
a little lost, okay?
162
00:14:11,778 --> 00:14:14,714
- And now?
- Now, uh...
163
00:14:17,516 --> 00:14:20,352
well, I gotta complete
level five still, so...
164
00:14:27,694 --> 00:14:30,496
- How about you?
- Oh, I'm good. Yeah.
165
00:14:30,529 --> 00:14:34,166
I'm, um, thinking of moving
again, probably overseas.
166
00:14:34,199 --> 00:14:35,501
- Really?
- Yeah.
167
00:14:35,534 --> 00:14:37,336
- What about Chelsea?
- Well,
168
00:14:37,369 --> 00:14:39,104
her dad and I
aren't really seeing
169
00:14:39,137 --> 00:14:40,773
eye-to-eye on visitation
rights right now.
170
00:14:42,140 --> 00:14:44,543
I have no money
for a lawyer and, uh,
171
00:14:44,576 --> 00:14:48,347
he says that, um, she doesn't
even wanna see me, so...
172
00:14:50,249 --> 00:14:51,550
Sorry to hear that.
173
00:14:52,618 --> 00:14:54,687
Sorry to hear
you're stuck on level five.
174
00:14:55,788 --> 00:14:57,055
Yeah, me too.
175
00:14:59,525 --> 00:15:01,326
You know what
we need, Brandon?
176
00:15:03,328 --> 00:15:05,330
- What?
- One word.
177
00:15:05,364 --> 00:15:06,265
What?
178
00:15:07,165 --> 00:15:09,134
- You know.
- I don't. Where are you going?
179
00:15:09,167 --> 00:15:10,235
One second.
180
00:15:15,173 --> 00:15:17,644
Vinyl. Ain't nothing
like it, baby. And...
181
00:15:18,577 --> 00:15:20,813
- um, where'd she put it. Ah!
- Oh, no.
182
00:15:20,847 --> 00:15:22,614
Mom's famous hooch squeezed
183
00:15:22,649 --> 00:15:25,117
between every one
of her bipolar little toes.
184
00:15:25,150 --> 00:15:27,486
- No. I really shouldn't, okay?
- Au contraire, Brandon.
185
00:15:27,519 --> 00:15:29,254
You most definitely should.
186
00:15:29,288 --> 00:15:34,526
Life is short. Just ask Mom.
She's dead.
187
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:37,329
Yes. Thank you.
That's plenty.
188
00:15:37,362 --> 00:15:38,530
- You want a little more?
- No, that's enough.
189
00:15:39,298 --> 00:15:41,634
- Do you remember the smell?
- Yes, it's awful.
190
00:15:41,668 --> 00:15:43,870
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, baby. Come to Mama.
191
00:15:43,903 --> 00:15:46,338
- It smells like gasoline.
- Ah!
192
00:15:49,508 --> 00:15:51,276
- To Mom.
- To Mom.
193
00:15:53,746 --> 00:15:54,781
Mm.
194
00:16:03,422 --> 00:16:06,693
Really? I don't even...
the horse, right?
195
00:16:07,359 --> 00:16:10,362
Cheers.
What are you doing?
196
00:16:10,395 --> 00:16:14,600
Don't look at me.
You're scaring me. Okay. Okay.
197
00:16:14,634 --> 00:16:18,103
♪ Now if you feel
That you can't go on ♪
198
00:16:19,404 --> 00:16:22,441
- What is this? You shopping?
- Shopping.
199
00:16:24,376 --> 00:16:25,712
Yeah!
200
00:16:25,745 --> 00:16:27,880
- Do this.
- Is that the Running Man?
201
00:16:27,914 --> 00:16:29,348
Reach out.
202
00:16:32,517 --> 00:16:34,286
Too soon, too soon.
203
00:16:34,319 --> 00:16:36,723
♪ Darling, reach out ♪
204
00:16:36,756 --> 00:16:39,224
♪ Come on, girl
Reach out for me ♪
205
00:16:39,257 --> 00:16:42,862
♪ Reach out
Reach out for me ♪
206
00:16:44,229 --> 00:16:48,533
- Wait, do it.
- ♪ I'll be there... ♪
207
00:16:48,567 --> 00:16:52,805
- ♪ With a love that... ♪
- The fish.
208
00:16:52,839 --> 00:16:56,776
- ♪ We'll be there ♪
- Backwards fish.
209
00:16:57,944 --> 00:17:01,179
- Like this.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
210
00:17:01,213 --> 00:17:02,347
One!
211
00:17:03,215 --> 00:17:09,454
One, two, three, four!
Go! Ah! No! Whoo!
212
00:17:10,723 --> 00:17:13,826
- ♪ Can you see the rope? ♪
- The rope!
213
00:17:21,968 --> 00:17:25,972
♪ Darling, reach out
Come on, girl ♪
214
00:17:26,005 --> 00:17:30,743
♪ Reach out
Reach out for me! ♪
215
00:17:30,777 --> 00:17:33,278
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
216
00:17:33,311 --> 00:17:36,716
♪ I'll be there ♪
217
00:17:36,749 --> 00:17:40,385
♪ To love and comfort you ♪
218
00:17:41,420 --> 00:17:44,724
♪ And I'll be there ♪
219
00:17:44,757 --> 00:17:48,961
♪ To cherish and care for you ♪
220
00:17:48,995 --> 00:17:54,967
Oh, oh, oh.
221
00:17:55,001 --> 00:17:57,637
- Oh, my God.
- That was fun.
222
00:17:59,806 --> 00:18:01,573
I can't believe she's gone.
223
00:18:02,775 --> 00:18:03,776
Same.
224
00:18:04,576 --> 00:18:07,579
You know? Same.
225
00:18:09,514 --> 00:18:11,616
You know what she said to me
before she died?
226
00:18:12,885 --> 00:18:13,886
What'd she say?
227
00:18:14,887 --> 00:18:19,357
She said, "Look at this thing
destroying me
228
00:18:19,391 --> 00:18:22,695
from the inside out, Star.
You two have a lot in common."
229
00:18:22,729 --> 00:18:25,263
- That's what she said.
- Star, she was joking.
230
00:18:25,297 --> 00:18:26,766
- She was joking.
- Yeah. That was Mom,
231
00:18:26,799 --> 00:18:32,638
- always joking.
- Ah. That was fun.
232
00:18:32,672 --> 00:18:35,507
You know, any good shrink
will tell you
233
00:18:36,075 --> 00:18:37,609
that Mom had cock issues.
234
00:18:40,012 --> 00:18:43,281
- Ex-excuse me?
- Yeah.
235
00:18:43,315 --> 00:18:45,952
Think about it. She couldn't hold a
healthy relationship down with a guy,
236
00:18:46,652 --> 00:18:54,292
so she surrounded herself with
these big blubbery flashy cocks.
237
00:18:54,326 --> 00:18:57,897
- Okay, you're deranged.
- Don't you think some of these even affected you, right?
238
00:18:57,930 --> 00:19:01,600
I mean, you literally grew up in
a house with all of these things
239
00:19:01,634 --> 00:19:03,870
looking at you no matter where
you went. I mean, no wonder
240
00:19:03,903 --> 00:19:05,872
you loathe
what you can't do without.
241
00:19:05,905 --> 00:19:10,442
- Look at all these whales.
- Why are we back here again?
242
00:19:10,475 --> 00:19:12,812
For the last time,
I'm not gonna say it again.
243
00:19:13,780 --> 00:19:16,548
- I am not gay.
- Yeah.
244
00:19:16,581 --> 00:19:19,417
And bats
don't shit in the dark.
245
00:19:20,086 --> 00:19:22,789
Come on, Brandon, I'm just
telling it like it is.
246
00:19:22,822 --> 00:19:26,826
Oh. Okay.
If we're telling it like it is,
247
00:19:26,859 --> 00:19:29,962
how about telling me why your daughter
wants nothing to do with you, huh?
248
00:19:30,630 --> 00:19:32,098
- What?
- You heard me.
249
00:19:32,131 --> 00:19:33,866
I mean, can you blame her?
250
00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:36,936
Between the ever-revolving
door of boyfriends
251
00:19:36,969 --> 00:19:40,572
and the constant need to move
every few months, I mean,
252
00:19:41,140 --> 00:19:44,476
you've done a pretty bang up job of putting
a solid wall between the two of you.
253
00:19:44,509 --> 00:19:46,879
- A wall? If that isn't the pot calling the kettle black.
- A fucking wall.
254
00:19:46,913 --> 00:19:49,715
What's the petal and the black?
What does that even mean?
255
00:19:49,749 --> 00:19:51,784
If you're talking
about a wall, Brandon,
256
00:19:51,818 --> 00:19:54,386
you are the most prolific
builder of them all.
257
00:19:54,419 --> 00:19:58,124
You're a gay republican!
A fucking gay republican.
258
00:19:58,157 --> 00:20:01,828
I mean, that's a fucking
oxymoron if ever there was one.
259
00:20:01,861 --> 00:20:05,463
- I mean, come on!
- For the last time,
260
00:20:05,932 --> 00:20:09,467
- I'm not gay!
- Yeah. Tell that to all the yogurt slingers
261
00:20:09,501 --> 00:20:12,437
you've had an up close and personal
with since you hit adolescence.
262
00:20:12,470 --> 00:20:17,844
- I'm just telling it like it is.
- That's fucking it. That's it.
263
00:20:17,877 --> 00:20:19,712
- What are you doing?
- That's it, get up.
264
00:20:19,745 --> 00:20:21,781
- Why are you walking in circles?
- Come on.
265
00:20:21,814 --> 00:20:24,449
- We're do this right here.
- Are you challenging me?
266
00:20:24,482 --> 00:20:27,019
That's it. Come on,
I'm not joking. Get up, come on.
267
00:20:27,053 --> 00:20:30,022
Are you challenging me?
What are you doing?
268
00:20:30,056 --> 00:20:33,125
Stretches. No Tai Chi now.
It's not the same as before.
269
00:20:33,159 --> 00:20:35,094
You remember what happened
the last time we did this?
270
00:20:35,127 --> 00:20:37,462
Yeah. I was a little fucking boy
then. Now I'm grown.
271
00:20:37,495 --> 00:20:38,998
- Remember, right?
- Yeah, I remember.
272
00:20:39,031 --> 00:20:40,967
- Look at me now. I'm grown.
- Grown no,
273
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,102
I don't think you know
the true nature of a scrapper.
274
00:20:43,135 --> 00:20:44,871
- Yeah. 'Cause if you did...
- Just stay away.
275
00:20:44,904 --> 00:20:47,173
Yeah. I think if you did,
you would lay down
276
00:20:47,206 --> 00:20:48,841
and save us both the trouble.
277
00:20:48,875 --> 00:20:51,143
- Get off!
- Oh, my God.
278
00:20:51,177 --> 00:20:54,446
- Ow! Ow, ow, ow!
- Get off my tit, would you?
279
00:20:54,479 --> 00:20:57,116
- Ah!
- You're just jealous 'cause Mom loved me more.
280
00:20:57,149 --> 00:21:02,088
No. You're just jealous
because I have a vagina!
281
00:21:02,121 --> 00:21:04,991
Ah! Ow!
282
00:21:06,458 --> 00:21:09,896
For the last time,
Star, I'm not gay!
283
00:21:15,001 --> 00:21:17,837
I'm so sorry for your loss.
284
00:21:18,938 --> 00:21:21,107
You don't know how much
your mother meant to me.
285
00:21:27,847 --> 00:21:31,751
Oh. Well, I guess
we should just jump right in.
286
00:21:33,085 --> 00:21:36,722
Now, before I read anything,
287
00:21:37,522 --> 00:21:39,191
I want to say
that your mother
288
00:21:40,726 --> 00:21:43,428
was a very special
and unique woman.
289
00:21:47,934 --> 00:21:49,068
Stop it.
290
00:21:51,704 --> 00:21:54,941
"I, Clair Samantha Walker,
291
00:21:55,641 --> 00:21:57,910
of sound mind and body..."
292
00:21:57,944 --> 00:21:59,712
As soon as I'm done here,
I'm gone.
293
00:21:59,745 --> 00:22:01,513
I'll be first in line
to help pack.
294
00:22:01,546 --> 00:22:02,915
"Do hereby bequeath,
295
00:22:02,949 --> 00:22:04,884
all my personal effects,
296
00:22:04,917 --> 00:22:07,019
savings
and tangible property..."
297
00:22:07,053 --> 00:22:09,188
- You're such a tool.
- You're such a bitch.
298
00:22:09,221 --> 00:22:12,858
"...equally
to both my children,
299
00:22:13,525 --> 00:22:18,264
Star Elizabeth Walker and Brandon
Tyler Walker, respectively."
300
00:22:18,297 --> 00:22:21,200
- See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya.
- Don't let the door hit you in your ass, okay?
301
00:22:21,233 --> 00:22:22,868
Stop it!
302
00:22:22,902 --> 00:22:25,004
I should let you know,
303
00:22:27,106 --> 00:22:28,708
there's a catch.
304
00:22:32,544 --> 00:22:36,782
In order for the property to be
divided equally between both parties,
305
00:22:36,816 --> 00:22:40,286
your mother
has requested the following.
306
00:22:40,319 --> 00:22:43,488
"My dearest poochies,
307
00:22:44,223 --> 00:22:47,126
while I don't have much
to offer in way of my legacy,
308
00:22:47,159 --> 00:22:51,998
I do have the house,
my whale collection..." Oh!
309
00:22:52,031 --> 00:22:54,633
"...and the Winnebago."
The Sin-a-bago.
310
00:22:54,667 --> 00:22:58,671
"And a small pittance
of savings in the bank.
311
00:22:58,704 --> 00:23:01,573
It is my wish you will do
what you will with it,
312
00:23:01,606 --> 00:23:05,610
with my blessings, to hopefully make
your situation that much better.
313
00:23:05,644 --> 00:23:09,281
Lord knows you each need help
in a myriad of ways.
314
00:23:09,315 --> 00:23:15,520
My only contingency, is that
you take my ashes, and...
315
00:23:18,324 --> 00:23:20,626
intern them in the body
of a whale."
316
00:23:21,994 --> 00:23:23,561
What the fuck?
317
00:23:24,764 --> 00:23:26,932
- What do you mean?
- "It's my final wish
318
00:23:26,966 --> 00:23:29,135
that the remnants
of this vessel that failed me,
319
00:23:29,168 --> 00:23:33,272
will become one with our mammal
brethren of the deep.
320
00:23:33,305 --> 00:23:36,776
If you complete this request,
what's mine, is yours.
321
00:23:36,809 --> 00:23:40,012
If not, deal's off
and you get squat.
322
00:23:40,046 --> 00:23:42,314
ASPCA gets everything else.
323
00:23:42,348 --> 00:23:46,285
It's pretty simple. Rules are,
no flying and you must go together.
324
00:23:47,053 --> 00:23:50,923
Oh, and you have 48 hours
to do it. Good luck. And...
325
00:23:50,956 --> 00:23:53,993
- try not to kill each other."
- Mr. Rhodes,
326
00:23:54,026 --> 00:23:56,896
my mom was pretty eccentric.
I don't think she would have...
327
00:23:56,929 --> 00:24:00,699
Signed and notarized.
These were, in fact, her final wishes.
328
00:24:00,733 --> 00:24:02,368
"In the body of a whale"?
What are we supposed to do,
329
00:24:02,401 --> 00:24:03,769
piss off God
and be swallowed by one?
330
00:24:04,270 --> 00:24:06,238
Well, she also left you this.
331
00:24:09,308 --> 00:24:13,179
Mr. Rhodes, hi.
Um, as much as I appreciate
332
00:24:13,212 --> 00:24:15,948
Mom's final desire
to be whale food,
333
00:24:15,981 --> 00:24:18,616
my brother and I
need this inheritance
334
00:24:18,651 --> 00:24:20,753
- for various personal issues, okay?
- Yeah.
335
00:24:20,786 --> 00:24:25,691
You know, your mother was
really something special to me.
336
00:24:25,724 --> 00:24:29,995
- What do you mean?
- Me and a bunch of other local
337
00:24:30,029 --> 00:24:34,200
free spirits, she would run
around on various solstices,
338
00:24:34,233 --> 00:24:36,669
you know,
howling at the moon
339
00:24:36,702 --> 00:24:39,038
and whatnot, naked running
around a campfire.
340
00:24:39,071 --> 00:24:40,039
Boy, that was something to see.
341
00:24:41,740 --> 00:24:47,346
I'll never forget the first time I saw your
mother's bosoms naked for the first time,
342
00:24:47,379 --> 00:24:49,715
- glistening in the moonlight.
- What the fuck is he talking about?
343
00:24:49,748 --> 00:24:52,651
Two nipples erect
like two silver bullets
344
00:24:52,685 --> 00:24:56,088
pointing to the heavens.
That woman could make
345
00:24:56,122 --> 00:24:59,391
a man Wendingo at a moments
notice, just ah ah.
346
00:24:59,425 --> 00:25:03,062
Just fully cocked and erect
and ready to take her
347
00:25:03,095 --> 00:25:05,364
like the wild wood nymph
she was.
348
00:25:05,397 --> 00:25:07,032
Uh...
349
00:25:10,703 --> 00:25:12,738
- All right.
- Look, what you do
350
00:25:12,771 --> 00:25:14,173
with your mother's assets
is your own business.
351
00:25:14,206 --> 00:25:16,442
My only horse in this race,
352
00:25:16,475 --> 00:25:19,044
is to be sure that you fulfill
the obligations
353
00:25:19,078 --> 00:25:20,913
that your mother's requested.
354
00:25:21,747 --> 00:25:24,283
That's the least
I could do for her.
355
00:25:24,316 --> 00:25:26,118
So I'm here to tell you what.
356
00:25:26,152 --> 00:25:29,755
This will be done
or no dice.
357
00:25:31,891 --> 00:25:33,058
You got me?
358
00:25:34,894 --> 00:25:38,731
You got me? Good.
359
00:25:39,965 --> 00:25:45,404
Good. Well, I will need
periodic photographic updates
360
00:25:45,437 --> 00:25:47,406
to keep me abreast of your
progress, and, of course,
361
00:25:47,439 --> 00:25:50,409
I'll need proof that
the ashes have reached their...
362
00:25:51,277 --> 00:25:52,344
intended destination.
363
00:25:54,513 --> 00:25:57,850
All right.
Well, your time starts now.
364
00:25:58,450 --> 00:26:01,353
Good luck, and I look forward
to hearing from you,
365
00:26:01,387 --> 00:26:04,123
and I hope
you can have a nice day,
366
00:26:05,257 --> 00:26:06,425
poochies.
367
00:26:11,764 --> 00:26:15,267
We'll grab some things from the house, go to the
funeral home, snag the ashes and get going.
368
00:26:15,301 --> 00:26:17,336
You're not actually thinking
of doing this, are you?
369
00:26:17,369 --> 00:26:19,338
Do we have a choice?
You heard him.
370
00:26:19,371 --> 00:26:21,840
These were her final wishes.
We have to honor that.
371
00:26:21,874 --> 00:26:25,044
Final wishes, Brandon? Mom also
wished you were the daughter
372
00:26:25,077 --> 00:26:28,113
she never had, okay?
You were this close to being one
373
00:26:28,147 --> 00:26:30,416
of those kid gender reassignment horror
stories you hear about on the news.
374
00:26:30,449 --> 00:26:33,919
Honestly, the idea of spending
two days with you in a car
375
00:26:33,953 --> 00:26:36,789
makes me wanna Oedipal my own
eyeballs. But let me be frank,
376
00:26:37,456 --> 00:26:38,991
I need
to get to level five,
377
00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:43,929
and I'm broke. Okay?
I really need this money,
378
00:26:43,963 --> 00:26:45,798
and so do you.
379
00:26:47,199 --> 00:26:48,767
Please, Star.
380
00:26:51,837 --> 00:26:54,039
- Who's Frank?
- What?
381
00:26:54,073 --> 00:26:56,809
You said you wanted
to be Frank. Who's Frank?
382
00:26:57,843 --> 00:27:01,080
- I don't understand.
- It's a joke, Brandon.
383
00:27:01,947 --> 00:27:04,316
Jesus, this is it's gonna be
a long two days.
384
00:27:04,350 --> 00:27:06,852
Could you please refrain from
using the Lord's name in vain.
385
00:27:06,885 --> 00:27:09,822
Oh, my God.
A very long two days.
386
00:27:10,422 --> 00:27:15,327
Seatbelt. By the way,
we can't take the Prius.
387
00:27:15,361 --> 00:27:18,430
- What? Why?
- My lease is almost up,
388
00:27:18,464 --> 00:27:20,099
and I can't afford
to put the miles on it.
389
00:27:20,132 --> 00:27:22,334
- So what are we driving?
- Nostalgia.
390
00:27:44,523 --> 00:27:47,059
At least if we run out of dough,
we can always sleep in here.
391
00:27:50,095 --> 00:27:51,997
Yeah, not really.
392
00:27:52,031 --> 00:27:53,565
Mom had the whole thing
cleared out. Look.
393
00:27:53,599 --> 00:27:55,000
Beds and all.
394
00:27:55,968 --> 00:27:58,337
- Do what?
- Yeah. She used it to deliver animals
395
00:27:58,370 --> 00:28:01,940
for the ASPCA, so that's why
the, uh, cages.
396
00:28:03,108 --> 00:28:05,344
- What's with all the spray paint?
- What? Oh.
397
00:28:06,312 --> 00:28:10,983
The spray paint, uh,
that was her little protest anarchy group.
398
00:28:11,517 --> 00:28:14,286
Her protest anarchy
what, Brandon?
399
00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:17,056
The whole, you know,
save the animals thing.
400
00:28:17,089 --> 00:28:20,225
If anyone in town did anything
to hurt an animal, then
401
00:28:20,259 --> 00:28:22,861
in came Mom and her merry gang
of tricksters,
402
00:28:22,895 --> 00:28:26,598
- and busted out the spray paint.
- Good to know Mom was a tagger.
403
00:28:26,633 --> 00:28:30,269
- Yeah.
- How much confidence do you have that this bucket
404
00:28:30,302 --> 00:28:32,871
- will actually make it?
- This old girl?
405
00:28:33,605 --> 00:28:35,908
I'm cautiously
optimistic actually.
406
00:28:39,211 --> 00:28:41,280
We're so getting stranded
407
00:28:41,313 --> 00:28:44,283
and gang raped by a clan
of rabid hillbillies
408
00:28:44,316 --> 00:28:45,918
somewhere in the Ozarks.
409
00:28:45,951 --> 00:28:48,187
Socially sensitive as always.
410
00:28:48,220 --> 00:28:49,922
- Nice.
- Again, it's a joke, Brandon.
411
00:28:49,955 --> 00:28:52,458
- It's not a joke.
- My God.
412
00:28:52,491 --> 00:28:55,394
It's like your funny bone
disappeared right around adolescence.
413
00:28:56,128 --> 00:28:59,031
- About the time you started getting your period.
- That's not how it is, okay?
414
00:28:59,064 --> 00:29:01,100
We just have a slight
difference of opinion
415
00:29:01,133 --> 00:29:03,035
as to what funny is, okay?
416
00:29:03,068 --> 00:29:05,571
Rape is not funny.
417
00:29:05,604 --> 00:29:08,574
Rape by itself, Brandon,
isn't funny. Okay?
418
00:29:08,607 --> 00:29:11,343
Rape brought on
by an absurd road trip
419
00:29:11,377 --> 00:29:13,545
to bury your mother's ashes
in the body of a whale
420
00:29:13,579 --> 00:29:16,315
with your brother who hates you
and your shitkicker RV stalls
421
00:29:16,348 --> 00:29:18,651
in the middle of nowhere, where
some toothless roaming gang
422
00:29:18,685 --> 00:29:20,986
of Manson-family rejects
has their way with you,
423
00:29:21,019 --> 00:29:22,988
now that is funny.
424
00:29:29,194 --> 00:29:31,230
- I don't hate you, Star.
- What?
425
00:29:32,598 --> 00:29:34,933
I don't hate you. I just...
426
00:29:36,135 --> 00:29:38,036
I don't understand
you sometimes.
427
00:29:38,070 --> 00:29:40,105
Well, I don't exactly
have you nailed down either.
428
00:29:40,139 --> 00:29:43,475
- No.
- My guess is one of us is adopted.
429
00:29:44,576 --> 00:29:45,477
Yeah.
430
00:29:51,283 --> 00:29:53,285
Oh, my God. Muffler Man.
431
00:29:53,318 --> 00:29:56,088
- What?
- Muffler Man. Over there. Over there.
432
00:29:56,121 --> 00:29:57,589
Turn, turn, turn.
It's the Muffler Man!
433
00:29:57,623 --> 00:30:00,192
- Over there! Just turn!
- All right.
434
00:30:00,225 --> 00:30:02,461
- It's not that hard. You just gotta turn.
- Okay, okay.
435
00:30:02,494 --> 00:30:05,497
- Do you want me to help you turn the wheel?
- Get off the wheel.
436
00:30:05,531 --> 00:30:08,567
- Star.
- It's so easy. Just go like this.
437
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:11,036
- All right. Quickly, okay?
- Yeah. Just so quick.
438
00:30:11,069 --> 00:30:14,406
Nothing bad's gonna happen.
Give me the keys.
439
00:30:15,207 --> 00:30:16,442
Whoo!
440
00:30:19,511 --> 00:30:22,682
- What are we doing here?
- Evidence. Come on.
441
00:30:25,752 --> 00:30:28,020
- Star.
- Come on. Look!
442
00:30:28,053 --> 00:30:31,089
Who said there's no culture
in middle America, huh?
443
00:30:31,123 --> 00:30:33,091
- We really need to get back on the road.
- Look at that.
444
00:30:33,125 --> 00:30:34,661
- Look at that.
- What is that?
445
00:30:34,694 --> 00:30:35,695
- Come over here.
- Why?
446
00:30:35,728 --> 00:30:36,995
Stop right there.
447
00:30:37,029 --> 00:30:39,164
Don't move.
448
00:30:40,633 --> 00:30:43,135
Okay. Say cheese.
449
00:30:44,269 --> 00:30:46,338
Come on, Brandon,
don't be a party pooper.
450
00:30:46,371 --> 00:30:48,540
This the family road trip
you always wanted. Just move.
451
00:30:48,574 --> 00:30:50,609
Just that way, just a little
to the left. That way.
452
00:30:50,643 --> 00:30:51,711
Okay, stop, stop, stop.
453
00:30:52,611 --> 00:30:55,715
- And catch!
- What the heck is that?
454
00:30:56,515 --> 00:30:59,351
One thing I can count on, Bran Bran,
your utter lack of athleticism.
455
00:30:59,384 --> 00:31:01,119
What are you doing?
What was that for?
456
00:31:01,153 --> 00:31:04,056
Having a great time, Mr. Rhodes.
457
00:31:04,089 --> 00:31:08,026
Wish you were here,
especially Brandon.
458
00:31:08,060 --> 00:31:10,429
- Wait.
- X-O, X-O.
459
00:31:10,462 --> 00:31:12,531
- What? You're not sending...
- Sent.
460
00:31:12,564 --> 00:31:16,001
- Yeah. Let's go get a Slurpee.
- I don't wanna get a...
461
00:32:11,256 --> 00:32:13,458
Do you ever wonder
what it's all really about?
462
00:32:16,261 --> 00:32:20,332
Seriously? Did someone slip a cliché
pill in your drink this morning, huh?
463
00:32:21,166 --> 00:32:23,636
Don't tell me you're actually having
a pang of meaning and purpose?
464
00:32:23,670 --> 00:32:28,273
Yep. And it's sitting in my colon right
next to my heat lamp bean burrito.
465
00:32:28,307 --> 00:32:29,241
That's disgusting.
466
00:32:30,576 --> 00:32:31,811
Seriously,
what's your take?
467
00:32:33,913 --> 00:32:36,515
Well, I mean,
if you really wanna know,
468
00:32:39,484 --> 00:32:43,221
I'm not sure. I'm not sure.
It's... it's... it's confusing.
469
00:32:44,323 --> 00:32:46,358
There's... there's lots...
lots going on, you know?
470
00:32:49,261 --> 00:32:50,329
That's your answer?
471
00:32:51,764 --> 00:32:54,867
Your agnostic sister
just opened Pandora's Biblebox
472
00:32:54,901 --> 00:32:58,103
to talk about Jesus, life,
and all that BS, and your answer
473
00:32:58,871 --> 00:33:01,506
- is "I'm not exactly sure"?
- Well, I'm not.
474
00:33:01,540 --> 00:33:03,810
Jesus, delusional much,
Brandon?
475
00:33:03,843 --> 00:33:06,813
- Can you stop using his name...
- FYI, when I say his name,
476
00:33:06,846 --> 00:33:09,581
it's not because I'm cursing
him. It's because I see him
477
00:33:09,615 --> 00:33:13,418
sitting there on your shoulder,
like this little miniature
478
00:33:13,452 --> 00:33:15,755
- white-robed Jesus cockatoo.
- What?
479
00:33:15,788 --> 00:33:18,423
And you should feel
so cool, Brandon.
480
00:33:18,457 --> 00:33:21,928
You're like the Beretta
of born-again Christians.
481
00:33:21,961 --> 00:33:24,631
Beretta? Isn't that a gun?
482
00:33:27,566 --> 00:33:30,535
- How long till our next stop?
- Not soon enough, okay?
483
00:33:30,569 --> 00:33:32,337
So just let me drive.
484
00:34:11,778 --> 00:34:15,280
- Look at that church.
- No one wants to go to church.
485
00:34:15,313 --> 00:34:16,983
- Just saying, nice church.
- It's Tuesday.
486
00:34:17,016 --> 00:34:18,517
It's a nice church.
487
00:34:19,018 --> 00:34:20,552
Do you go to church
every Sunday?
488
00:34:20,585 --> 00:34:22,387
- Yeah.
- Every Sunday?
489
00:34:22,421 --> 00:34:24,691
When was the last time
you went to church, Star?
490
00:34:24,724 --> 00:34:27,459
- I would burn when I walked in.
- Just leave it, all right?
491
00:34:27,492 --> 00:34:29,361
I don't want to talk to you
about this anymore.
492
00:34:29,829 --> 00:34:31,798
- Look!
- Yeah.
493
00:34:31,831 --> 00:34:33,633
- Oh, my God.
- So what? It's not that cool.
494
00:34:34,399 --> 00:34:36,769
- Do you smell that?
- Did you fart?
495
00:34:37,536 --> 00:34:39,204
I'm not five anymore.
496
00:34:39,872 --> 00:34:41,708
- Was that you?
- That's a skunk.
497
00:34:41,741 --> 00:34:43,743
- No, I think that's you.
- It's a skunk, Star.
498
00:34:43,776 --> 00:34:46,646
- Whoever smelt it dealt it.
- It's a skunk.
499
00:34:46,679 --> 00:34:49,849
Look at that shit that's burning
in the distance. Do you see that?
500
00:34:49,882 --> 00:34:53,820
Look. I bet it's not good
for the ozone layer.
501
00:34:53,853 --> 00:34:56,989
Do you even fart or does it go
back up inside you?
502
00:34:57,023 --> 00:34:58,523
All right. Shut up.
503
00:34:59,391 --> 00:35:00,525
Do you tan your legs?
504
00:35:01,728 --> 00:35:05,898
Do you just decide
never to go out?
505
00:35:05,932 --> 00:35:08,366
I'm trying to even it out.
506
00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:11,037
- Stop looking at my shorts.
- They're so up high.
507
00:35:11,070 --> 00:35:12,739
I'm not talking
about your boobs or anything.
508
00:35:12,772 --> 00:35:14,439
They shouldn't be
like so up there.
509
00:35:14,473 --> 00:35:15,808
Just leave me alone.
510
00:35:15,842 --> 00:35:19,344
- What...
- ...in the right places.
511
00:35:19,377 --> 00:35:21,580
- Great landing, Brandon.
- Thank you, Star.
512
00:35:21,613 --> 00:35:25,517
- You know how to drive this.
- Thank you, Star.
513
00:35:26,551 --> 00:35:28,587
- Do you think we should, uh...
- Leave Mom?
514
00:35:28,620 --> 00:35:29,956
I don't think
she's going anywhere.
515
00:35:31,556 --> 00:35:32,992
This doesn't look
like a Motel 6.
516
00:35:33,860 --> 00:35:36,361
Because it's not.
It's Aunt Jackie's place.
517
00:35:36,394 --> 00:35:38,497
- Are you fucking kidding me?
- Don't start, okay?
518
00:35:38,530 --> 00:35:40,933
Mom hadn't talked to Aunt Jackie
in years, Brandon.
519
00:35:40,967 --> 00:35:42,902
I'd venture to say
there's a good reason for that.
520
00:35:42,935 --> 00:35:44,904
I know, but money is tight,
all right?
521
00:35:44,937 --> 00:35:46,806
And she's expecting us.
She wants us here.
522
00:35:46,839 --> 00:35:49,407
Just be cool.
Keep your opinions to yourself.
523
00:35:50,375 --> 00:35:52,044
You can always stay in the van
if you don't wanna.
524
00:35:54,579 --> 00:35:57,016
I just figured that she
and Herr Randal would have moved
525
00:35:57,049 --> 00:35:59,584
down to Argentina
where Mossad couldn't find them.
526
00:35:59,618 --> 00:36:01,586
They're not Nazis, Star.
527
00:36:01,620 --> 00:36:03,790
They're social conservatives,
okay?
528
00:36:05,557 --> 00:36:08,527
Who aren't afraid to wear their
feelings on their sleeves...
529
00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:11,664
It's too bad those sleeves are attached to
flowing white robes and matching face-hoods.
530
00:36:11,697 --> 00:36:15,001
Listen, this would've been really important
to Mom, okay? So it's important to me.
531
00:36:15,935 --> 00:36:17,904
Please be nice. Here you go.
532
00:36:19,604 --> 00:36:21,841
All right.
533
00:36:21,874 --> 00:36:22,809
Smile.
534
00:36:26,545 --> 00:36:28,948
- Oh...
- Hello.
535
00:36:28,981 --> 00:36:31,550
Uh-oh, Jackie.
Lock down the neighborhood.
536
00:36:31,583 --> 00:36:34,020
They're letting Yankee Pinko's
in left and right!
537
00:36:34,053 --> 00:36:36,454
Randal, stop it.
Don't pay attention to him.
538
00:36:36,488 --> 00:36:38,557
Come and love
your Aunt Jackie's neck!
539
00:36:38,590 --> 00:36:39,759
- All right.
- Come here.
540
00:36:39,792 --> 00:36:41,661
I was a little bit worried
541
00:36:41,694 --> 00:36:44,529
it was those damn heathen
Jehovah's Witnesses again.
542
00:36:44,563 --> 00:36:46,398
- Hey.
- All right.
543
00:36:46,431 --> 00:36:48,801
Come on, Randal.
You know Jehovah Witnesses
544
00:36:48,835 --> 00:36:51,804
are just like Christians.
They're just a little more eccentric.
545
00:36:51,838 --> 00:36:54,774
They're a cult.
Them and the Mormons.
546
00:36:54,807 --> 00:36:58,543
In my book, anybody that dresses
alike, definitely a cult.
547
00:36:58,577 --> 00:37:00,512
Have you looked in the mirror lately?
548
00:37:00,545 --> 00:37:01,781
Star, Brandon,
549
00:37:02,882 --> 00:37:04,750
this is your cousin,
Little Pepe.
550
00:37:08,788 --> 00:37:11,057
- Our cousin.
- Little Pepe.
551
00:37:11,090 --> 00:37:15,027
And the operative phrase tonight,
you gotta be fucking kidding me.
552
00:37:15,995 --> 00:37:17,797
Well, we've already eaten,
553
00:37:17,830 --> 00:37:20,099
but you're welcome
to join us for dessert.
554
00:37:20,967 --> 00:37:22,534
We waited.
555
00:37:23,102 --> 00:37:24,637
We made enough for five.
556
00:37:27,773 --> 00:37:29,742
Welcome to our home, huh?
557
00:37:29,775 --> 00:37:32,945
- Okay.
- Welcome to our home. Actually,
558
00:37:32,979 --> 00:37:36,749
bienvenido a la casa
de Hillhouse.
559
00:37:36,782 --> 00:37:40,019
We're learning Spanish
for little Pepe here.
560
00:37:40,052 --> 00:37:42,587
Uh, Randal, why don't you
take their bags upstairs,
561
00:37:42,621 --> 00:37:45,457
and we will go into the
dining room for dessert. Okay?
562
00:37:46,225 --> 00:37:48,928
That's right. Okay. Pepe,
563
00:37:49,695 --> 00:37:53,598
me algunos platos
de la cocina, ahora.
564
00:37:55,567 --> 00:37:56,936
Andale!
565
00:38:01,140 --> 00:38:03,776
Please come in.
Mi casa es su casa.
566
00:38:05,477 --> 00:38:07,813
Wow. It's, uh,
it's... it's a beautiful home.
567
00:38:07,847 --> 00:38:09,682
Thank you. Thank you.
568
00:38:09,715 --> 00:38:11,717
Well, you have got
your mama's eyelashes.
569
00:38:11,751 --> 00:38:15,154
- Look at how long they are.
- Oh, dear God.
570
00:38:15,187 --> 00:38:17,890
I was hoping
you would notice this.
571
00:38:17,924 --> 00:38:20,693
I've been collecting
for years.
572
00:38:20,726 --> 00:38:23,763
You know, he was in St. Joe once.
Came to christen a Walmart
573
00:38:23,796 --> 00:38:26,999
and Channel 6 news,
the Channel 6 news,
574
00:38:27,033 --> 00:38:30,136
came here to do a story
on my collection.
575
00:38:30,169 --> 00:38:32,171
I just want you
to both to know that God...
576
00:38:32,872 --> 00:38:35,775
God definitely has
a very twisted sense of humor.
577
00:38:37,209 --> 00:38:40,813
- I don't understand.
- Uh, Star, she just finished his autobiography.
578
00:38:41,847 --> 00:38:43,215
That I did, Brandon.
579
00:38:44,549 --> 00:38:47,720
Well, what did you think?
I mean, didn't you find it insightful?
580
00:38:49,288 --> 00:38:52,058
I definitely had
quite the experience with it.
581
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:57,029
That's wonderful.
That's wonderful.
582
00:38:57,763 --> 00:38:59,065
Let's sit.
583
00:39:01,834 --> 00:39:02,969
Let's have some torta.
584
00:39:03,669 --> 00:39:06,138
As foster parents,
we really feel
585
00:39:06,172 --> 00:39:09,108
it's very important
to integrate Pepe's
586
00:39:09,141 --> 00:39:11,777
native culture
in to his daily life.
587
00:39:11,811 --> 00:39:13,179
For instance,
learning the language
588
00:39:13,212 --> 00:39:16,682
My favorite
is Taco Thursdays.
589
00:39:18,017 --> 00:39:20,720
Pepe, you can go fetch
the cake now, okay?
590
00:39:20,753 --> 00:39:23,521
La torta, Pepe. Ahora.
591
00:39:24,256 --> 00:39:26,025
You are gonna love this cake.
592
00:39:26,058 --> 00:39:27,259
We got it
at a bakery downtown.
593
00:39:27,293 --> 00:39:29,628
Run by an oriental family.
594
00:39:30,629 --> 00:39:33,132
- I think you mean Asian family.
- No, they're not Asian.
595
00:39:33,165 --> 00:39:37,103
- I think they might be Chinese.
- I think they might be Japanese
596
00:39:37,136 --> 00:39:40,538
or, uh, Taiwanese, Vietnamese.
597
00:39:40,572 --> 00:39:43,042
Somewhere in the rice belt
where I don't want to go.
598
00:39:43,075 --> 00:39:46,645
I don't know. I mean, it doesn't really
matter. They all look the same, so...
599
00:39:46,679 --> 00:39:49,547
- Randal.
- What?
600
00:39:49,581 --> 00:39:51,583
Look, you gotta be honest
with yourself.
601
00:39:51,616 --> 00:39:54,120
They might look at us
and think we all look the same.
602
00:39:54,153 --> 00:39:57,690
- Did you ever think about that?
- They all have their own distinct cultures,
603
00:39:57,723 --> 00:40:00,192
histories, languages, arts.
604
00:40:00,993 --> 00:40:05,931
I mean, what you're saying, Uncle
Randal, is, uh, well, it's kinda racist.
605
00:40:13,005 --> 00:40:14,173
You know what?
606
00:40:16,075 --> 00:40:17,076
The boy is right.
607
00:40:18,310 --> 00:40:21,280
Let me tell you a true story.
When I came back to Missouri
608
00:40:21,313 --> 00:40:25,251
from Iraq 1,
the first place I went
609
00:40:25,284 --> 00:40:28,954
was the Bamboo Hut. It's right
there off U.S. Highway 50.
610
00:40:28,988 --> 00:40:32,557
And I ordered the specialty
of the house, cashew chicken.
611
00:40:33,292 --> 00:40:34,326
And then it hit me.
612
00:40:35,895 --> 00:40:37,296
Well, this is
what it's all about.
613
00:40:37,930 --> 00:40:41,100
All of it.
This is what we're fighting for.
614
00:40:41,133 --> 00:40:45,037
I mean, all of the military
and the fighting and the maiming
615
00:40:45,071 --> 00:40:48,340
and the killing,
cashew chicken.
616
00:40:48,374 --> 00:40:50,142
Because what is cashew chicken?
617
00:40:50,176 --> 00:40:52,878
It's breaded chicken
in some oyster sauce,
618
00:40:52,912 --> 00:40:55,047
and you sprinkle
some cashews on it. Voila.
619
00:40:55,081 --> 00:40:56,916
What do you have?
Exotic foreign dish.
620
00:40:56,949 --> 00:40:59,151
Now, you take
the same breaded chicken,
621
00:40:59,185 --> 00:41:02,788
and you serve it
with some Heinz 57 ketchup,
622
00:41:02,822 --> 00:41:05,291
boom, what do you got?
Chicken nuggets.
623
00:41:05,324 --> 00:41:09,161
Right? It's all the same. It all might
look a little bit different, right?
624
00:41:09,195 --> 00:41:12,398
But on the inside,
it's all the same.
625
00:41:12,431 --> 00:41:13,332
That is beautiful.
626
00:41:14,233 --> 00:41:15,668
Thank you, Jackie.
627
00:41:16,936 --> 00:41:20,773
Of course, I like to think that
the best part of the chicken
628
00:41:20,806 --> 00:41:22,041
is the white meat.
629
00:41:25,077 --> 00:41:27,746
- Ahh!
- Oh! There it is.
630
00:41:27,780 --> 00:41:29,982
Look at that.
Oriental chocolate cake.
631
00:41:30,015 --> 00:41:33,185
Pepe, visto, no oído.
632
00:41:35,254 --> 00:41:36,388
She just told him to sit down.
633
00:41:37,256 --> 00:41:38,324
And to be quiet.
634
00:41:39,191 --> 00:41:40,626
See?
635
00:41:42,461 --> 00:41:44,163
All right. Pass your plate, son.
636
00:41:45,264 --> 00:41:49,201
Um, so, what are the plans?
637
00:41:49,235 --> 00:41:51,036
Gonna be a funeral?
638
00:41:51,070 --> 00:41:53,038
Mom... she didn't want
a funeral.
639
00:41:54,273 --> 00:42:00,146
What? No funeral? I mean,
is a preacher at least gonna bury her?
640
00:42:00,179 --> 00:42:03,182
Mom didn't really care
for preachers either.
641
00:42:03,215 --> 00:42:05,718
Houston,
we have a problem.
642
00:42:05,751 --> 00:42:08,754
She just lived her life
in a certain way and felt that
643
00:42:08,787 --> 00:42:10,990
her death should be consistent
with that, that's all.
644
00:42:11,023 --> 00:42:13,192
I am not one to gossip,
but I have to say this
645
00:42:13,225 --> 00:42:17,396
because it's on my heart.
I feel you two are doomed
646
00:42:19,265 --> 00:42:22,034
- to go down the same path.
- We have ignition.
647
00:42:22,067 --> 00:42:25,471
- What path are you referring to exactly?
- Well, damnation.
648
00:42:25,504 --> 00:42:29,175
Damnation. And I don't
just mean spiritually.
649
00:42:29,208 --> 00:42:31,810
I mean life in general.
I've known
650
00:42:31,844 --> 00:42:34,880
you two had challenges
even as children.
651
00:42:34,914 --> 00:42:36,081
Challenges?
652
00:42:37,283 --> 00:42:41,153
Go for it. I'm just sitting here
eating my cake being cool.
653
00:42:41,187 --> 00:42:43,355
With all due respect,
Aunt Jackie,
654
00:42:43,389 --> 00:42:45,157
you don't even know Star and I.
655
00:42:45,191 --> 00:42:47,126
We haven't seen you
since we were kids.
656
00:42:47,159 --> 00:42:50,729
And if I'm not mistaken,
Mom left the house at what, 17?
657
00:42:50,763 --> 00:42:53,432
And she only got a hold of you a
handful of times over the years.
658
00:42:53,465 --> 00:42:55,868
- So, I don't believe...
- Yeah. That was really my choice
659
00:42:55,901 --> 00:42:58,804
because I did not need
to keep a relationship
660
00:42:58,837 --> 00:43:01,507
with a sister who couldn't
keep her legs closed.
661
00:43:01,540 --> 00:43:03,842
- Whoa, what?
- We have liftoff.
662
00:43:03,876 --> 00:43:05,744
- What is that supposed to mean?
- I think she just straight up
663
00:43:05,778 --> 00:43:07,146
- called Mom a slut.
- Okay.
664
00:43:07,179 --> 00:43:09,515
All right. Jackie, just...
665
00:43:09,548 --> 00:43:11,884
No. Let me talk. They're adults.
666
00:43:11,917 --> 00:43:14,920
Your mother was selfish
through and through,
667
00:43:14,954 --> 00:43:19,058
and her inability to give you
any guidance whatsoever
668
00:43:19,091 --> 00:43:23,062
is the reason that you are the way you are.
669
00:43:23,095 --> 00:43:25,898
Aunt Jackie, can I ask a question,
and you can tell me the truth.
670
00:43:25,931 --> 00:43:31,470
Um, was Uncle Randal not giving you
the hard and heavy like you like it?
671
00:43:31,503 --> 00:43:33,372
- Why...
- Excuse me?
672
00:43:33,405 --> 00:43:35,541
Because I'm sensing
someone had a shag
673
00:43:35,574 --> 00:43:37,876
with the gardener and was
just too afraid to admit it.
674
00:43:37,910 --> 00:43:40,346
- Star...
- All right. Now, we're not gonna have that talk.
675
00:43:40,379 --> 00:43:43,082
Come on. Pepe's not
from a foster program, right?
676
00:43:43,115 --> 00:43:47,486
I mean, you banged your way
to free child labor. I mean,
677
00:43:47,519 --> 00:43:51,257
- come on.
- Okay. I understand your need to inject
678
00:43:51,290 --> 00:43:54,026
levity
into an uncomfortable situation.
679
00:43:54,059 --> 00:43:57,863
Right. Like Pablo the pool man injected
his spicy bean burrito into you.
680
00:43:57,896 --> 00:43:59,498
- I mean, I'm just saying like it is.
- Star!
681
00:43:59,531 --> 00:44:01,900
Okay. That... that's it.
Pepe, come on.
682
00:44:01,934 --> 00:44:05,271
Okay. No. Bedtime.
Come on, sweetie.
683
00:44:05,304 --> 00:44:07,072
You're not funny.
684
00:44:08,007 --> 00:44:10,042
- No, you're not.
- Okay.
685
00:44:10,075 --> 00:44:12,144
Buenos noches, señorita.
686
00:44:12,177 --> 00:44:14,013
Buenos noches, Pepe.
687
00:44:14,046 --> 00:44:14,980
That's polite.
688
00:44:16,181 --> 00:44:19,051
You're not.
And I'm not a racist.
689
00:44:19,084 --> 00:44:21,987
I've got a brown boy
living in my house.
690
00:44:24,890 --> 00:44:29,228
Apparently you've mistaken
my active disciplined
691
00:44:30,129 --> 00:44:34,466
and present role in my child's
life as something it's not.
692
00:44:34,500 --> 00:44:37,970
But then again, I guess
you wouldn't know what
693
00:44:38,003 --> 00:44:40,839
a present role is,
would you, Star?
694
00:44:40,873 --> 00:44:42,608
- Meaning?
- How is your daughter?
695
00:44:42,642 --> 00:44:44,143
I haven't heard
you mention her at all.
696
00:44:45,544 --> 00:44:48,047
- I didn't say anything.
- No, you don't have to.
697
00:44:48,080 --> 00:44:50,249
You don't exactly scream
Mother of the Year Award.
698
00:44:52,151 --> 00:44:55,421
Yeah. We're done with cake time.
699
00:44:55,454 --> 00:44:58,624
There's extra blankets
on the guest bed.
700
00:44:58,658 --> 00:45:01,026
I'd like it if you were out
of here by breakfast.
701
00:45:01,593 --> 00:45:04,963
You might want to pull back
on throwing stones, Star.
702
00:45:05,564 --> 00:45:08,534
You're not gonna be able to see
your own house with all the cracks.
703
00:45:18,143 --> 00:45:19,478
That went well, huh?
704
00:45:44,136 --> 00:45:45,337
You just couldn't go
with it could you?
705
00:45:46,972 --> 00:45:50,309
- Go with what, Brandon?
- You know how Jackie and Randal are.
706
00:45:51,210 --> 00:45:55,013
It's like you can sense their aggravation
and you just went for the jugular.
707
00:45:55,047 --> 00:45:57,950
She deserved it. You heard
what she said about Mom.
708
00:45:57,983 --> 00:46:00,986
Oh. I feel like
I'm being slowly gassed
709
00:46:01,019 --> 00:46:02,554
by this low-hanging
cloud of hypocrisy.
710
00:46:02,588 --> 00:46:05,391
Wow, are we poetic at 2:00 a.m.
711
00:46:05,424 --> 00:46:06,558
You didn't even like Mom.
712
00:46:07,727 --> 00:46:09,629
I think the case could even be
made that you hated her.
713
00:46:11,563 --> 00:46:15,100
She said one thing and you
just jumped all over Jackie.
714
00:46:21,140 --> 00:46:23,008
You think I hated Mom?
715
00:46:23,041 --> 00:46:26,478
Well, yeah, didn't you?
716
00:46:31,583 --> 00:46:33,352
Love, like, hate,
717
00:46:34,754 --> 00:46:36,221
grow up, Brandon.
718
00:46:37,122 --> 00:46:39,057
They're all versions
of the same thing.
719
00:46:42,060 --> 00:46:45,330
Right. Yeah.
720
00:46:45,364 --> 00:46:47,533
Grow up. Me grow up.
721
00:47:22,401 --> 00:47:26,104
No. No. There's no way.
722
00:47:28,106 --> 00:47:29,709
No. No, there's no way.
No way. No how. I mean...
723
00:47:31,477 --> 00:47:34,313
I mean, I'm stressed and it's
in the middle of the night
724
00:47:34,346 --> 00:47:38,116
and I can't sleep
and no one's coming.
725
00:47:38,751 --> 00:47:42,054
Well, except me, obviously.
726
00:47:50,529 --> 00:47:53,499
Fuck it.
727
00:47:53,532 --> 00:47:54,634
Okay.
728
00:47:57,436 --> 00:48:02,341
Star, you've officially
gone past sick and twisted,
729
00:48:03,442 --> 00:48:05,310
but you're rounding the corner
730
00:48:05,344 --> 00:48:07,112
to full on perverse.
731
00:48:08,413 --> 00:48:10,717
Okay. Okay, Georgie.
732
00:48:12,584 --> 00:48:14,620
Oh, come on. Georgie!
733
00:48:17,456 --> 00:48:18,758
Sexy Cowboy!
734
00:48:18,791 --> 00:48:21,527
Oh, Georgie!
735
00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:23,362
What in the holy hell?
736
00:48:24,196 --> 00:48:28,467
I... thought... I thought you were an intruder.
737
00:48:29,535 --> 00:48:31,303
Unreal, Star.
738
00:48:32,237 --> 00:48:34,573
You are a sick girl.
739
00:48:34,606 --> 00:48:37,810
Why would you bring that kind
of behavior into our home?
740
00:48:37,844 --> 00:48:41,079
You're defiled
my George Bush corner.
741
00:48:42,614 --> 00:48:47,553
Well, it definitely gives your Channel 6
news story a run for its money, doesn't it?
742
00:48:48,220 --> 00:48:50,657
I want you out! Out!
743
00:48:53,525 --> 00:48:54,761
Pepe!
744
00:49:29,862 --> 00:49:30,863
You want some?
745
00:49:35,500 --> 00:49:37,369
What do you think
is in these things?
746
00:49:38,871 --> 00:49:42,240
Oh, the good ol' not talking
to Star game.
747
00:49:42,274 --> 00:49:43,375
Mature.
748
00:49:46,612 --> 00:49:47,714
Lips and assholes.
749
00:49:48,580 --> 00:49:49,514
Excuse me?
750
00:49:50,449 --> 00:49:51,851
Lips and assholes.
That's what's in them.
751
00:49:52,852 --> 00:49:55,420
How fitting.
752
00:49:55,454 --> 00:49:56,823
What do you mean
how fitting?
753
00:49:57,757 --> 00:50:00,827
It's a "Planes, Trains,
and Automobiles" quote, okay?
754
00:50:00,860 --> 00:50:03,763
And here we are on a road trip.
You see? Fitting.
755
00:50:03,796 --> 00:50:06,899
Ah, right genre.
John Hughes.
756
00:50:06,933 --> 00:50:09,368
Wrong movie.
"Great Outdoors," Ebert.
757
00:50:09,401 --> 00:50:11,536
You know, John Wayne
758
00:50:11,570 --> 00:50:14,573
said that you can never trust
a guy who doesn't drink
759
00:50:14,606 --> 00:50:16,676
or get his John Hughes
references correct.
760
00:50:16,709 --> 00:50:18,343
That's a fact.
761
00:50:22,514 --> 00:50:24,316
So, there's something
I have to tell you.
762
00:50:25,517 --> 00:50:27,619
- What?
- Well, it's not that easy to say,
763
00:50:27,654 --> 00:50:31,223
- so I just have to blurt it out.
- Oh, this ought to be good.
764
00:50:34,761 --> 00:50:36,495
I masturbate to George Bush.
765
00:50:37,830 --> 00:50:41,634
Yeah. Yeah, I know. I was there.
Front row, remember?
766
00:50:41,668 --> 00:50:43,568
No. I don't think you understand.
It's not the first time.
767
00:50:44,302 --> 00:50:45,805
- You've done this before?
- Yeah.
768
00:50:51,410 --> 00:50:54,579
- Just Junior Bush or Senior too?
- Brandon!
769
00:50:54,613 --> 00:50:57,315
- What?
- I'm sick, but I'm not that sick.
770
00:50:57,917 --> 00:51:00,987
Although... no W, he's the one.
771
00:51:01,020 --> 00:51:03,656
There you have it.
That is what I do.
772
00:51:03,690 --> 00:51:07,325
You've pulled a lot of shit
over the years, Star, but this
773
00:51:08,393 --> 00:51:11,964
- this is fucked.
- I evidently have sexual compulsion disorder.
774
00:51:11,998 --> 00:51:14,499
- Oh.
- I'm getting much better. I now have the tools
775
00:51:14,533 --> 00:51:17,637
to reflect any expressionary
relief back on myself.
776
00:51:17,670 --> 00:51:19,271
- Back on yourself.
- Yeah.
777
00:51:19,806 --> 00:51:21,506
- By masturbating.
- Yeah. A lot.
778
00:51:21,540 --> 00:51:22,842
- Right.
- Yeah, a whole lot.
779
00:51:22,875 --> 00:51:24,509
Gotcha. Okay.
780
00:51:24,543 --> 00:51:25,878
Thank you for that.
That's great.
781
00:51:28,580 --> 00:51:30,683
- What about you?
- What about me?
782
00:51:30,717 --> 00:51:33,251
When was the last time you,
you know?
783
00:51:33,820 --> 00:51:35,420
When was the last time I what?
784
00:51:36,388 --> 00:51:38,323
- What is that?
- Oh, my God, it's like
785
00:51:38,356 --> 00:51:40,325
pulling teeth with you.
When's the last time you...
786
00:51:40,358 --> 00:51:41,259
you know,
787
00:51:44,897 --> 00:51:47,399
- polished the bishop?
- I'm not talking about this
788
00:51:47,432 --> 00:51:49,635
- with you.
- What? Days? Weeks? Months? What?
789
00:51:49,669 --> 00:51:51,503
Not... not talking about
this with you.
790
00:51:51,536 --> 00:51:53,873
What? If you can't talk
to your sister, Brandon,
791
00:51:53,906 --> 00:51:55,641
- who can you tell?
- Anyone but my sister.
792
00:51:55,675 --> 00:51:56,809
Oh, my God.
793
00:52:03,015 --> 00:52:05,918
- Two.
- Two weeks?
794
00:52:05,952 --> 00:52:08,988
God. That's why
you're so pent up.
795
00:52:13,325 --> 00:52:16,763
Two months? You haven't
gotten off in two months?
796
00:52:16,796 --> 00:52:19,431
Two months? I would die.
797
00:52:20,465 --> 00:52:21,466
No, Star.
798
00:52:25,537 --> 00:52:28,306
Oh, my God. Brandon.
799
00:52:28,340 --> 00:52:29,508
What?
800
00:52:31,077 --> 00:52:35,380
Two years. So what?
Two years. It's no big deal.
801
00:52:35,982 --> 00:52:37,315
Not a big deal?
802
00:52:38,818 --> 00:52:40,920
- I mean, is everything in working order down there?
- Yes.
803
00:52:40,953 --> 00:52:43,421
Everything is in working order
down here, thank you very much.
804
00:52:46,591 --> 00:52:48,995
We're just not all
jackrabbits like you.
805
00:52:49,028 --> 00:52:51,496
But two years, Brandon?
I hate to tell you,
806
00:52:51,530 --> 00:52:54,667
but that's not normal for a guy.
That is not normal for a gay guy.
807
00:52:54,700 --> 00:52:59,038
Okay? I'm surprised you haven't gone into
Starbucks and gone completely postal.
808
00:52:59,071 --> 00:53:02,108
Maybe some people in this car have a little
bit more self worth than others, huh?
809
00:53:02,141 --> 00:53:04,977
- You ever thought about that?
- For someone who doesn't like a dick,
810
00:53:05,011 --> 00:53:09,447
see a dick, or want to play with a dick,
you've certainly got being one down pat.
811
00:53:09,481 --> 00:53:12,417
Yeah. Well, for someone who sees
them all the time apparently,
812
00:53:12,450 --> 00:53:14,386
you sure talk about them
a lot, you know that?
813
00:53:14,419 --> 00:53:16,923
I already admitted I have
issues. What is your excuse?
814
00:53:16,956 --> 00:53:20,592
Excuse? Sometimes the solution
of a problem
815
00:53:20,626 --> 00:53:23,361
is not obsessing
every second of the day
816
00:53:23,395 --> 00:53:26,498
on the obsession, okay?
You're not an animal, Star.
817
00:53:26,531 --> 00:53:28,500
Be evolved. Try it.
It's the latest rage.
818
00:53:28,533 --> 00:53:30,602
I liked you better when you
weren't judging my life.
819
00:53:30,636 --> 00:53:32,370
I liked you better when you
weren't prying into mine.
820
00:53:32,404 --> 00:53:33,572
- Fine!
- Fine!
821
00:53:33,605 --> 00:53:34,874
Oh, my God, Brandon!
822
00:53:34,907 --> 00:53:36,976
Oh, my God.
823
00:53:37,009 --> 00:53:38,778
Oh, my God. They're dead!
824
00:53:38,811 --> 00:53:40,847
I was distracted
by your bullshit.
825
00:53:40,880 --> 00:53:43,850
Why are you talking to me
about George... what are you...
826
00:53:43,883 --> 00:53:46,786
- Look how sad they look! What do we do?
- Put them down!
827
00:53:46,819 --> 00:53:48,420
You're touching them?
They've got rabies.
828
00:53:48,453 --> 00:53:49,722
Oh, my...
829
00:53:50,923 --> 00:53:52,624
oh, my God.
830
00:53:52,658 --> 00:53:53,993
I can't believe this.
831
00:53:56,996 --> 00:53:59,699
Oh, I can't. Oh, God.
832
00:54:01,100 --> 00:54:02,969
What do you want
to do with them?
833
00:54:03,002 --> 00:54:05,671
We can't leave them here.
You murdered their mother.
834
00:54:05,705 --> 00:54:08,674
Why was she crossing with her whole family?
That's so irresponsible.
835
00:54:08,708 --> 00:54:11,010
Don't they have instincts
for this kind of stuff?
836
00:54:11,043 --> 00:54:13,478
There she was
minding her own business,
837
00:54:13,511 --> 00:54:15,848
taking her little otter family
to her little otter home
838
00:54:15,882 --> 00:54:17,984
on their little otter river,
when bam!
839
00:54:18,617 --> 00:54:21,553
- Instant otter orphans.
- Yeah, alright. Okay, I get it.
840
00:54:22,088 --> 00:54:25,557
It breaks my heart too, but all right,
we gotta go. We don't have time for this.
841
00:54:25,590 --> 00:54:28,127
No! Some hawk will probably pick them
off like little popcorn shrimp. No.
842
00:54:28,995 --> 00:54:31,664
Just...
what do you want to do?
843
00:54:33,165 --> 00:54:36,636
No. No.
844
00:54:37,870 --> 00:54:38,905
No!
845
00:54:55,755 --> 00:54:57,823
- I don't think this is sanitary.
- What?
846
00:54:57,857 --> 00:55:00,626
Them!
They're diseased probably.
847
00:55:01,160 --> 00:55:03,528
- What do you mean "diseased"?
- Diseased, like...
848
00:55:05,164 --> 00:55:07,465
- bird flu.
- They're otters, Brandon.
849
00:55:07,499 --> 00:55:09,902
Not chickens.
How can otters have bird flu?
850
00:55:17,910 --> 00:55:20,578
- This is kinda funny.
- What's kinda funny?
851
00:55:21,080 --> 00:55:24,216
You being on hell-bent
on save the otters.
852
00:55:25,751 --> 00:55:29,255
- It's called humanity.
- No. That's not the reason it's funny.
853
00:55:29,288 --> 00:55:31,857
It's funny 'cause this is
precisely what Mom would do.
854
00:55:31,891 --> 00:55:34,760
This is like Mom down to a T.
She would absolutely do
855
00:55:34,794 --> 00:55:36,929
exactly the same thing,
and here you are...
856
00:55:38,030 --> 00:55:41,734
I guess the apple doesn't
fall off far from the tree after all.
857
00:55:46,872 --> 00:55:47,907
Yeah, what do I know?
858
00:55:49,308 --> 00:55:51,644
Just a stupid observation.
859
00:55:56,816 --> 00:55:57,817
Is that what I think it is?
860
00:55:58,651 --> 00:56:00,720
- We have to go there.
- Look at the time, okay?
861
00:56:00,753 --> 00:56:03,022
- We really want to keep going.
- Brandon, just live a little!
862
00:56:03,055 --> 00:56:06,624
For God's sake, crack the windows
for the babies and let's go.
863
00:56:06,659 --> 00:56:08,094
Plus it's picture time
again.
864
00:56:09,594 --> 00:56:10,495
Great.
865
00:56:26,946 --> 00:56:29,849
Star, really?
Can we just snap a picture
866
00:56:29,882 --> 00:56:32,018
and get back on the road?
Plus, we can't leave your...
867
00:56:32,752 --> 00:56:36,122
- rodents for too long.
- A, they're not rodents.
868
00:56:36,155 --> 00:56:38,157
Rodents aren't cute.
Anything that's cute
869
00:56:38,190 --> 00:56:40,026
instantly disqualifies itself
as a rodent.
870
00:56:40,059 --> 00:56:41,894
Hence why the jury
is still out on you.
871
00:56:41,927 --> 00:56:43,863
And B, you gotta give me
five minutes to ride
872
00:56:43,896 --> 00:56:46,098
the tilt-a-whirl, 'cause
little known fact, it's a law
873
00:56:46,132 --> 00:56:48,701
when you come to the fair you
have to ride the tilt-a-whirl.
874
00:56:48,734 --> 00:56:51,237
Oh, and you also have to get
fingered in the spooky house,
875
00:56:51,270 --> 00:56:52,905
but I'll you off the hook
on that one.
876
00:56:52,938 --> 00:56:54,673
Your levels
of inappropriateness,
877
00:56:54,707 --> 00:56:56,342
they never cease to amaze me.
878
00:56:56,375 --> 00:56:58,344
That's why you love me.
That's why you love me...
879
00:56:58,377 --> 00:57:00,146
- Oh, God.
- ...so much.
880
00:57:00,179 --> 00:57:02,081
I can't say God,
I'm religious.
881
00:57:02,114 --> 00:57:03,949
Can you hurry up?
It's like you're literally
882
00:57:03,983 --> 00:57:05,918
- dragging me backwards.
- Stop marching around.
883
00:57:05,951 --> 00:57:07,787
I feel like
your legs are so small.
884
00:57:07,820 --> 00:57:09,355
You've got such good muscle
tone in your legs
885
00:57:09,388 --> 00:57:11,057
that I feel
like you would walk faster.
886
00:57:11,090 --> 00:57:12,758
Just stop dragging me.
887
00:57:12,792 --> 00:57:14,060
- I'm not your child.
- Just stride.
888
00:57:14,093 --> 00:57:16,095
Try to use your leg force
889
00:57:16,128 --> 00:57:17,997
- and propel you forward.
- I like my walk, leave me alone.
890
00:57:19,165 --> 00:57:21,367
- Hey. Just stand right there.
- What? Why?
891
00:57:21,400 --> 00:57:23,335
- Just do it, okay?
- What do you want me to do?
892
00:57:23,369 --> 00:57:25,237
- Shrug like this.
- Why? I'm not...
893
00:57:25,271 --> 00:57:27,273
Just do it!
Be a good sport, please?
894
00:57:27,306 --> 00:57:30,608
Just shrug, and look over
and go "cheese!"
895
00:57:30,643 --> 00:57:31,609
- Why?
- Just do it!
896
00:57:32,745 --> 00:57:34,914
- Just go "cheese!" Go.
- Then we're going, okay?
897
00:57:34,947 --> 00:57:36,315
Be a good sport, Brandon!
898
00:57:37,650 --> 00:57:41,787
- Cheese!
- And, sent.
899
00:57:41,821 --> 00:57:44,790
- Wait. No. Did you not...
- Who wants a corndog? I'm buying.
900
00:57:44,824 --> 00:57:46,859
- Let me see that.
- Just come on!
901
00:57:46,892 --> 00:57:47,960
I don't want
a corndog.
902
00:57:54,200 --> 00:57:55,634
Ah.
903
00:57:57,670 --> 00:58:00,773
Hey! Hey there, little guy.
904
00:58:00,806 --> 00:58:02,141
Excuse me,
is this your child?
905
00:58:02,174 --> 00:58:03,275
- No?
- Okay. Thank you.
906
00:58:03,943 --> 00:58:05,111
- Helpful
- Are you lost?
907
00:58:06,145 --> 00:58:08,948
Where's your momma, huh?
You don't know?
908
00:58:10,816 --> 00:58:12,885
- What do you think?
- I don't know. I mean,
909
00:58:13,419 --> 00:58:17,089
this isn't like the otters. We can just
stick him in a cage and put him in the RV.
910
00:58:17,123 --> 00:58:19,692
It's gotta be against
some law somewhere.
911
00:58:19,725 --> 00:58:20,960
We can't just leave him,
Brandon.
912
00:58:20,993 --> 00:58:22,228
I know. I was joking, all right.
913
00:58:22,261 --> 00:58:23,762
You're right. Let me just, uh,
914
00:58:24,997 --> 00:58:27,867
I'll go find an office. Maybe they
can make an announcement or something.
915
00:58:27,900 --> 00:58:29,768
Will you stay here in case
the parents come back,
916
00:58:30,302 --> 00:58:31,403
- Star?
- Yeah.
917
00:58:31,437 --> 00:58:32,338
Okay.
918
00:58:36,008 --> 00:58:39,145
You want to get some corndogs
with me? Yeah?
919
00:58:39,178 --> 00:58:43,149
Okay. Why don't you come
with me. Let's go.
920
00:58:46,385 --> 00:58:47,953
This is gonna
be fun in here.
921
00:58:52,324 --> 00:58:54,793
Ahh!
Look at all those games!
922
00:58:54,827 --> 00:58:57,930
Do you see those?
And all the lights? Yeah?
923
00:58:57,963 --> 00:59:00,166
Okay. There's a corndog stand
over there,
924
00:59:00,199 --> 00:59:03,202
I'm gonna get you a few corndogs
and then I'll come back. Okay?
925
00:59:03,235 --> 00:59:05,237
Sit over here and
I'll back in two seconds.
926
00:59:05,271 --> 00:59:07,773
High five. Yay.
927
00:59:15,347 --> 00:59:17,149
Hey, what can I do you for?
928
00:59:17,183 --> 00:59:18,951
Can I get three corndogs,
please?
929
00:59:18,984 --> 00:59:20,953
You don't look familiar.
Are you from around here?
930
00:59:20,986 --> 00:59:22,254
Does it look like I am?
931
00:59:22,288 --> 00:59:23,422
I could show you around.
932
00:59:24,790 --> 00:59:27,359
I'm good, thanks.
How much do I owe you?
933
00:59:28,260 --> 00:59:30,963
Well, they could
be on the house.
934
00:59:31,864 --> 00:59:34,500
As enticing as it is
935
00:59:34,533 --> 00:59:36,869
to trade sexual favors
for processed meats
936
00:59:36,902 --> 00:59:38,871
and fried cornmeal on a stick,
937
00:59:38,904 --> 00:59:41,307
I think I'll pass.
I have to get back to...
938
00:59:49,281 --> 00:59:52,117
Uh... Excuse me, have you seen
a little boy here?
939
00:59:52,151 --> 00:59:53,719
- No.
- Shit.
940
00:59:54,453 --> 00:59:55,754
Shit.
941
00:59:57,957 --> 01:00:00,893
Double shit. Excuse me.
Have you seen a little boy?
942
01:00:00,926 --> 01:00:03,095
He's about four years old.
Triple shit.
943
01:00:03,128 --> 01:00:06,298
Okay, Star? Good news.
I found the office.
944
01:00:06,332 --> 01:00:09,969
They have a lost and found.
They said just bring him... where is he?
945
01:00:10,002 --> 01:00:12,137
- I lost him.
- Are you joking?
946
01:00:12,171 --> 01:00:16,175
Where? I turned my back
for a split second and...
947
01:00:16,208 --> 01:00:17,509
- and he's gone.
- Damn it, Star.
948
01:00:18,277 --> 01:00:19,945
This is exactly
what I'm talking about.
949
01:00:20,813 --> 01:00:23,949
- This is what you always do.
- What do I always do?
950
01:00:23,983 --> 01:00:26,485
What do you always do.
You fuck everything up.
951
01:00:28,254 --> 01:00:30,889
Wait, what what are you...
952
01:00:32,191 --> 01:00:33,392
Star.
953
01:00:35,027 --> 01:00:39,465
Star! Oh, God dammit.
954
01:01:22,074 --> 01:01:26,011
- Hey. What you doing?
- Nothing.
955
01:01:31,216 --> 01:01:33,552
The parents
found the kid by the way.
956
01:01:34,520 --> 01:01:37,323
Someone took him back to the office,
and they were waiting for him, so...
957
01:01:39,391 --> 01:01:42,394
- Thank God.
- Yeah. Yeah.
958
01:01:43,529 --> 01:01:44,430
Yeah.
959
01:01:46,999 --> 01:01:47,900
Are you mad?
960
01:01:48,434 --> 01:01:49,401
No.
961
01:01:52,538 --> 01:01:53,939
You?
962
01:01:55,007 --> 01:01:56,342
No. I'm, uh...
963
01:01:59,011 --> 01:01:59,945
I'm sorry.
964
01:02:01,914 --> 01:02:03,549
You must think
I'm an awful person.
965
01:02:05,652 --> 01:02:07,219
- What?
- Come on, Brandon.
966
01:02:08,587 --> 01:02:10,589
You don't have to dance around it.
I mean, what kind of mother...
967
01:02:13,559 --> 01:02:15,928
basically abandons her daughter?
968
01:02:15,961 --> 01:02:17,496
I mean,
who does that, right?
969
01:02:19,666 --> 01:02:22,301
- Star, there's...
- I just need to hear it from you, Brandon.
970
01:02:23,569 --> 01:02:26,238
I need you to tell me
971
01:02:29,174 --> 01:02:33,045
what an awful person I am
and how screwed up I am.
972
01:02:33,078 --> 01:02:35,047
I need you to tell me that,
please.
973
01:02:36,315 --> 01:02:38,016
I'm not judging you, Star.
974
01:02:40,352 --> 01:02:44,556
I just think
that there's more to you.
975
01:02:46,191 --> 01:02:47,926
You could be so much more.
976
01:02:47,960 --> 01:02:49,629
- You could be...
- Be what, Brandon?
977
01:02:51,997 --> 01:02:52,998
You could be better.
978
01:02:59,304 --> 01:03:00,439
I want to tell you something.
979
01:03:02,742 --> 01:03:05,310
When Chelsea was young and I
was still living with Mitch,
980
01:03:05,344 --> 01:03:08,947
she got sick, okay?
She got really, really sick.
981
01:03:08,981 --> 01:03:11,684
Fever through the roof,
dripping with sweat,
982
01:03:11,718 --> 01:03:15,087
and I was home alone. Let me
tell you, I was overwhelmed.
983
01:03:15,554 --> 01:03:18,924
I didn't want to tell Mom, I thought she
would think that I did something wrong.
984
01:03:21,460 --> 01:03:23,262
And in some strange way,
985
01:03:24,229 --> 01:03:26,265
I thought
she was gonna die that night,
986
01:03:27,266 --> 01:03:31,069
that she was gonna die
right there in my arms.
987
01:03:32,471 --> 01:03:36,074
She was so beautiful,
and she was so sick.
988
01:03:36,108 --> 01:03:39,511
And I thought,
this is it, right?
989
01:03:39,545 --> 01:03:44,216
This is my fault.
God gave me this beautiful...
990
01:03:44,249 --> 01:03:46,251
this beautiful little girl
991
01:03:48,120 --> 01:03:52,391
to take her away from me
and to teach me a lesson, right?
992
01:03:53,258 --> 01:03:55,294
Because that's what I do,
Brandon.
993
01:03:56,228 --> 01:03:59,465
It's what I do,
and it's who I am.
994
01:04:03,569 --> 01:04:05,237
Who are you, Star?
995
01:04:06,438 --> 01:04:08,073
I'm broken, Brandon.
996
01:04:11,510 --> 01:04:14,246
I hurt people,
and I let them down,
997
01:04:14,279 --> 01:04:15,614
and I know that.
998
01:04:16,683 --> 01:04:18,283
It's in my DNA.
999
01:04:19,318 --> 01:04:21,587
I am the way I am with Chelsea
1000
01:04:24,289 --> 01:04:25,524
because the only...
1001
01:04:27,459 --> 01:04:31,163
chance she has in this life
1002
01:04:31,196 --> 01:04:35,267
is for me as far away
from her as possible.
1003
01:04:37,402 --> 01:04:39,071
She's just...
1004
01:04:43,710 --> 01:04:47,179
she's just better off
without me.
1005
01:04:51,583 --> 01:04:52,584
That's not true.
1006
01:04:56,823 --> 01:04:57,790
You know...
1007
01:05:00,392 --> 01:05:03,763
you know one of the things that they
pounded into us at these retreats?
1008
01:05:05,163 --> 01:05:07,399
Perfection, true perfection,
1009
01:05:09,401 --> 01:05:11,270
is not when there's
nothing more to add.
1010
01:05:13,272 --> 01:05:14,774
It's when there's nothing left
to take away.
1011
01:05:17,476 --> 01:05:18,577
And that means?
1012
01:05:21,480 --> 01:05:23,181
Fuck if I know.
1013
01:05:25,517 --> 01:05:27,854
And that's the bullshit you've
been learning for all these months?
1014
01:05:27,887 --> 01:05:30,522
Like, that's it? That's, like,
what you get from that?
1015
01:05:30,556 --> 01:05:33,726
Yeah. Yeah. That's what
I've been spending my money on.
1016
01:05:33,760 --> 01:05:35,795
That's good, right?
1017
01:05:35,828 --> 01:05:38,130
You should stop spending
your money.
1018
01:05:39,231 --> 01:05:40,633
Oh...
1019
01:05:41,567 --> 01:05:42,568
yeah.
1020
01:05:44,771 --> 01:05:45,805
It's gonna be okay.
1021
01:06:50,602 --> 01:06:52,805
Well, it could be worse.
1022
01:06:54,206 --> 01:06:56,408
Till we find a dead body
under the bed.
1023
01:06:57,376 --> 01:07:00,312
Okay, guys, welcome
to your new home.
1024
01:07:00,345 --> 01:07:02,782
We are one big happy family.
1025
01:07:03,448 --> 01:07:06,853
"Family." It's gotta be one of the most
perverse words in the English language.
1026
01:07:09,287 --> 01:07:12,424
- Do you actually feel that way?
- No, Star.
1027
01:07:12,892 --> 01:07:15,928
It's just a quip
with our shtick, right?
1028
01:07:15,962 --> 01:07:19,531
Our witty repartee.
Don't overthink it.
1029
01:07:22,769 --> 01:07:26,405
- Oh, God, yeah.
- I feel sorry for you.
1030
01:07:28,306 --> 01:07:32,611
- Excuse me?
- Not in a condescending holier-than-thou way, I just...
1031
01:07:34,379 --> 01:07:36,181
every time
I look at you, Brandon,
1032
01:07:37,784 --> 01:07:39,618
all I see is pain.
1033
01:07:40,653 --> 01:07:43,622
- You see what? Pain?
- Mm-hmm.
1034
01:07:43,656 --> 01:07:45,825
- I'm fine, okay?
- Are you?
1035
01:07:47,827 --> 01:07:49,829
Just because we had
a little moment earlier,
1036
01:07:49,862 --> 01:07:52,597
doesn't give you the right
to vivisect my brain, okay?
1037
01:07:52,632 --> 01:07:54,533
Would you please stop
pretending to care so much?
1038
01:07:54,566 --> 01:07:57,269
Well, I'm your older sister,
1039
01:07:57,302 --> 01:07:58,971
and that is what we do.
1040
01:07:59,706 --> 01:08:02,675
Yeah. Well,
don't strain yourself.
1041
01:08:07,345 --> 01:08:09,381
You know what?
You're exactly like Mom.
1042
01:08:09,414 --> 01:08:11,751
- It's not even funny.
- Excuse me?
1043
01:08:11,784 --> 01:08:14,386
Just pretending to care
when you haven't given a shit
1044
01:08:14,419 --> 01:08:16,321
about anyone
but yourself for years.
1045
01:08:16,923 --> 01:08:19,524
- That's the truth.
- Our mother
1046
01:08:19,558 --> 01:08:23,029
was more than likely
a manic bipolar paranoid
1047
01:08:23,062 --> 01:08:25,665
schizophrenic, but thank you
for the compliment.
1048
01:08:28,701 --> 01:08:30,335
I know this sounds
like jack shit,
1049
01:08:31,003 --> 01:08:34,640
but families are complex,
Brandon. Okay?
1050
01:08:34,674 --> 01:08:37,275
- Yeah.
- Just ask the Donner party.
1051
01:08:37,309 --> 01:08:39,679
Some of them were family members,
and they ate each other, so...
1052
01:08:40,646 --> 01:08:43,850
God. Everything is just
one big joke to you, isn't it?
1053
01:08:44,650 --> 01:08:48,353
I tell jokes. I try to laugh, because if I
didn't, I'd be crying all the effing time.
1054
01:08:48,386 --> 01:08:50,890
All right. Well, I'm not
laughing anymore, Star.
1055
01:08:50,923 --> 01:08:51,958
Where are you going?
1056
01:08:52,959 --> 01:08:55,061
At the end of the day,
what's the difference?
1057
01:08:55,094 --> 01:08:57,496
When this is over,
you're just gonna leave anyway.
1058
01:08:57,529 --> 01:08:58,765
What are you
talking about?
1059
01:08:58,798 --> 01:09:00,633
I'm going for a drink.
1060
01:09:00,666 --> 01:09:02,869
- Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
- Yeah.
1061
01:09:02,902 --> 01:09:04,036
Shit.
1062
01:09:34,901 --> 01:09:36,334
Is this seat taken?
1063
01:09:36,803 --> 01:09:38,004
No.
1064
01:09:42,708 --> 01:09:43,810
Mind if I...
1065
01:09:48,881 --> 01:09:52,018
Bartender, can I get
one more, please?
1066
01:09:52,051 --> 01:09:53,719
- Coming right up.
- Thank you.
1067
01:10:02,962 --> 01:10:04,396
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
1068
01:10:06,498 --> 01:10:07,566
Slow night, huh?
1069
01:10:09,401 --> 01:10:11,971
Yeah. Yeah. Pretty dead.
1070
01:10:13,973 --> 01:10:14,874
Yeah.
1071
01:10:17,176 --> 01:10:19,344
Then again, that's pretty much
always how it is around here.
1072
01:10:22,782 --> 01:10:25,651
I'm, uh, I'm J.T.,
by the way.
1073
01:10:25,685 --> 01:10:26,618
J.T.?
1074
01:10:27,820 --> 01:10:30,890
J.T. Good to meet you, J.T.
1075
01:10:34,492 --> 01:10:35,828
You're not from around here,
are you?
1076
01:10:37,462 --> 01:10:38,496
How'd you guess?
1077
01:10:40,166 --> 01:10:42,601
Well, the shorts helped.
1078
01:10:52,044 --> 01:10:54,981
So, J.T.,
1079
01:10:57,049 --> 01:10:58,416
what does that stand for?
1080
01:11:01,586 --> 01:11:02,889
Jesus Todd.
1081
01:11:03,890 --> 01:11:04,824
What?
1082
01:11:05,557 --> 01:11:07,927
- Jesus Todd?
- Jesus Todd.
1083
01:11:08,728 --> 01:11:11,097
How do you end up with a name
like Jesus Todd?
1084
01:11:11,130 --> 01:11:13,165
First name's Todd,
1085
01:11:13,199 --> 01:11:16,401
but I grew up in a houseful
of older brothers.
1086
01:11:17,236 --> 01:11:20,840
So every time I screwed up,
even most of the time when I wasn't,
1087
01:11:20,873 --> 01:11:23,175
everybody was always
yelling out, "Jesus, Todd."
1088
01:11:23,209 --> 01:11:24,542
I guess it stuck.
1089
01:11:27,479 --> 01:11:28,180
Rich.
1090
01:11:28,848 --> 01:11:29,815
You're name's Rich?
1091
01:11:30,615 --> 01:11:32,084
No. I'm, uh,
1092
01:11:33,119 --> 01:11:35,755
I'm Brandon. Brandon.
1093
01:11:35,788 --> 01:11:38,758
Well, okay,
Brandon Brandon.
1094
01:11:38,791 --> 01:11:39,825
What you drinking?
1095
01:11:41,928 --> 01:11:43,729
A lot.
1096
01:11:47,199 --> 01:11:49,501
- Well, here's to drinking a lot.
- All right.
1097
01:11:49,534 --> 01:11:51,837
Cheers, Jesus Todd.
1098
01:11:55,141 --> 01:11:58,077
It's for being
the mother you want to be.
1099
01:11:58,110 --> 01:12:00,680
You do so much to shape
your baby's future.
1100
01:12:01,814 --> 01:12:06,018
- Well, me and mom, we are really...
- This is ridiculous.
1101
01:12:06,052 --> 01:12:08,120
The baby would probably
prefer to remain with its mother,
1102
01:12:08,154 --> 01:12:09,889
but she's never far away.
1103
01:12:09,922 --> 01:12:11,757
Oh, come on, Universe.
1104
01:12:13,558 --> 01:12:15,695
What am I supposed to do
with my life?
1105
01:12:18,097 --> 01:12:22,234
No whammies, no whammies,
no whammies, and stop.
1106
01:12:22,268 --> 01:12:25,204
It was as if our entire country
looked into a mirror
1107
01:12:25,237 --> 01:12:27,139
and saw our better selves.
1108
01:12:28,606 --> 01:12:30,542
We were reminded
that we are citizens
1109
01:12:30,575 --> 01:12:32,544
with obligations to each other,
1110
01:12:32,577 --> 01:12:35,781
to our country, and to history,
1111
01:12:35,815 --> 01:12:36,949
and the good we can do.
1112
01:12:37,917 --> 01:12:40,820
For too long
our culture has said
1113
01:12:40,853 --> 01:12:42,188
"if it feels good, do it."
1114
01:12:43,322 --> 01:12:45,257
Now America is embracing
a new ethic
1115
01:12:45,291 --> 01:12:47,226
and a new creed.
1116
01:13:18,758 --> 01:13:19,692
Hello?
1117
01:13:22,094 --> 01:13:25,031
Hello? Is someone there?
1118
01:13:27,033 --> 01:13:30,970
- Hey, Mitch, it's me.
- Star...
1119
01:13:31,670 --> 01:13:33,139
Christ.
Do you know what time it is?
1120
01:13:33,172 --> 01:13:34,940
I'm gonna fight for her, Mitch.
1121
01:13:36,308 --> 01:13:37,676
I'm gonna fight for her.
1122
01:13:41,013 --> 01:13:42,314
I'm not going anywhere.
1123
01:13:45,251 --> 01:13:46,719
Not this time.
1124
01:13:49,188 --> 01:13:51,023
I just wanted you to know, so...
1125
01:13:51,891 --> 01:13:53,759
That's great, Star.
You... you know,
1126
01:13:53,793 --> 01:13:55,828
it's nice
of you to show up now
1127
01:13:55,861 --> 01:13:57,630
all of sudden and say
you're gonna fight for her,
1128
01:13:57,663 --> 01:13:59,131
but, what...
1129
01:14:23,923 --> 01:14:25,357
Easy, easy, easy!
1130
01:14:25,391 --> 01:14:27,159
All right,
all right, all right.
1131
01:14:27,193 --> 01:14:29,128
Hey! Not on the first date,
all right?
1132
01:14:29,161 --> 01:14:31,630
- My sister said not to do anything...
- Uh...
1133
01:14:31,664 --> 01:14:35,067
- well, she's a complete slut, so, whatever, but...
- Jesus Christ.
1134
01:14:35,101 --> 01:14:39,839
Hey, be a gentleman, okay?
1135
01:14:39,872 --> 01:14:41,240
- A gentleman?
- A gentleman.
1136
01:14:41,273 --> 01:14:43,342
Good things come
to those who wait.
1137
01:14:43,375 --> 01:14:44,977
- Oh, yeah.
- And if you wait long enough,
1138
01:14:45,010 --> 01:14:47,713
then you might come.
1139
01:14:47,746 --> 01:14:48,848
Yeah.
1140
01:14:52,785 --> 01:14:54,120
You're a comedian,
you know that?
1141
01:15:04,697 --> 01:15:06,132
What the fuck...?
1142
01:15:07,900 --> 01:15:10,102
- Fuck are you doing?
- What do you think I'm doing?
1143
01:15:11,337 --> 01:15:14,406
- I'm looking for your tonsils.
- Hey, hey. I'm straight, okay?
1144
01:15:14,440 --> 01:15:15,674
I'm not gay.
1145
01:15:16,342 --> 01:15:18,010
- You're straight?
- Yeah.
1146
01:15:18,043 --> 01:15:20,813
Yeah. And I'm the prince
of Siam.
1147
01:15:20,846 --> 01:15:26,218
Or, uh, would that be,
uh, Princess?
1148
01:15:28,354 --> 01:15:30,389
Get the fuck away from me,
you queer!
1149
01:15:31,957 --> 01:15:34,026
- What the fuck is your problem?
- My problem?
1150
01:15:35,261 --> 01:15:36,362
You're the faggot.
1151
01:15:39,732 --> 01:15:40,432
Okay.
1152
01:15:41,800 --> 01:15:42,935
Okay. I see what this is.
1153
01:15:42,968 --> 01:15:45,137
You're, like, what...
1154
01:15:46,105 --> 01:15:50,843
two, two-and-a-half years
from praying away the gay?
1155
01:15:50,876 --> 01:15:53,212
Or do you think you're the first
one to go down that road?
1156
01:15:54,880 --> 01:15:58,017
'Cause you sure as shit ain't the
first city queer to wander out here.
1157
01:16:01,520 --> 01:16:03,389
Fucking head case out
of towners.
1158
01:16:05,157 --> 01:16:06,358
Fuck you say?
1159
01:16:09,228 --> 01:16:10,462
Look, Mary.
1160
01:16:11,497 --> 01:16:13,098
It ain't that complicated.
1161
01:16:13,832 --> 01:16:16,869
See, this whole educate
the gay youth of America thing,
1162
01:16:18,337 --> 01:16:20,072
it ain't my goddamn job.
1163
01:16:20,105 --> 01:16:21,840
We're either here to fuck
1164
01:16:22,841 --> 01:16:23,876
or we aren't.
1165
01:16:25,377 --> 01:16:26,345
Yeah.
1166
01:16:27,846 --> 01:16:28,914
That's what I thought.
1167
01:16:31,917 --> 01:16:33,185
Wait.
1168
01:16:34,320 --> 01:16:35,487
What?
1169
01:16:48,567 --> 01:16:49,468
What?
1170
01:16:52,104 --> 01:16:55,507
- Oh!
- Fuck you!
1171
01:16:58,043 --> 01:17:03,349
Fuck you! Fuck you!
Fucking fag!
1172
01:17:03,382 --> 01:17:06,852
Fuck you, you fucking fag!
Fuck!
1173
01:17:13,025 --> 01:17:14,059
Fuck you!
1174
01:17:51,964 --> 01:17:53,032
Fuck you.
1175
01:17:53,966 --> 01:17:55,167
Fuck you!
1176
01:19:09,541 --> 01:19:11,310
Oh, my God!
1177
01:19:11,343 --> 01:19:14,580
- Huh?
- Brandon? Hey.
1178
01:19:17,349 --> 01:19:19,218
Go back to sleep, Star.
1179
01:19:19,686 --> 01:19:20,586
Please.
1180
01:19:22,655 --> 01:19:23,589
Oh, my God, Brandon.
1181
01:19:24,423 --> 01:19:26,659
- What happened?
- Nothing.
1182
01:19:27,292 --> 01:19:29,027
Just... just go back to sleep.
1183
01:19:31,330 --> 01:19:32,632
Did someone hurt you?
1184
01:19:35,968 --> 01:19:37,236
Oh, my God.
1185
01:19:40,572 --> 01:19:42,174
I hurt somebody.
1186
01:19:46,646 --> 01:19:48,147
I hurt somebody.
1187
01:19:56,355 --> 01:20:00,125
Hey, hey, you're okay.
1188
01:20:00,159 --> 01:20:02,494
You're okay. Hey, you're safe.
1189
01:20:02,528 --> 01:20:09,168
You're okay. You're okay.
Hey, you're okay.
1190
01:20:09,702 --> 01:20:12,971
Hey, hey. Shh.
1191
01:20:16,508 --> 01:20:17,710
You're okay.
1192
01:20:27,787 --> 01:20:30,690
Hi, babies. There you go.
1193
01:20:32,291 --> 01:20:34,026
They're so cute.
1194
01:20:42,367 --> 01:20:44,470
- Hey.
- Hey.
1195
01:20:47,139 --> 01:20:48,240
You wanna talk?
1196
01:20:49,508 --> 01:20:50,509
Not really.
1197
01:20:51,644 --> 01:20:53,278
How do you feel?
1198
01:20:54,647 --> 01:20:57,316
Like a truck ran over my brain
and put it back inside.
1199
01:20:58,317 --> 01:20:59,551
And the other guy, is he...
1200
01:21:01,487 --> 01:21:04,323
I have a hazy memory
of him running away,
1201
01:21:04,356 --> 01:21:06,291
so I'm sure he's fine.
1202
01:21:11,831 --> 01:21:12,998
Brandon?
1203
01:21:15,267 --> 01:21:16,401
Yes, Star?
1204
01:21:21,774 --> 01:21:22,675
Nothing.
1205
01:21:28,514 --> 01:21:29,481
I'm here.
1206
01:21:31,784 --> 01:21:34,086
I know. I can see you.
1207
01:21:35,087 --> 01:21:38,023
No. I'm not here. I'm...
1208
01:21:39,291 --> 01:21:40,727
I'm here.
1209
01:21:42,427 --> 01:21:44,229
I'm not going anywhere,
1210
01:21:44,731 --> 01:21:45,732
and, um,
1211
01:21:48,300 --> 01:21:50,402
I just thought you should know.
1212
01:22:02,214 --> 01:22:04,416
The other day you asked me
what my take is.
1213
01:22:05,617 --> 01:22:06,686
- Remember?
- Mm-hmm.
1214
01:22:07,720 --> 01:22:11,623
Well, I've been thinking
about it a lot recently.
1215
01:22:11,658 --> 01:22:12,825
I've been trying
to figure it out.
1216
01:22:14,226 --> 01:22:16,261
Trying to figure out
a lot of stuff.
1217
01:22:23,703 --> 01:22:25,672
I've always
had this image in my head
1218
01:22:26,873 --> 01:22:29,408
of me sitting
on the edge of a pool,
1219
01:22:29,441 --> 01:22:30,576
kind of like this.
1220
01:22:32,611 --> 01:22:34,513
My feet
are in the water, and
1221
01:22:35,614 --> 01:22:37,382
I could feel
the bottom with my toes.
1222
01:22:38,550 --> 01:22:40,419
And as long as I can feel
the bottom, I'm good.
1223
01:22:40,452 --> 01:22:41,219
I'll be fine.
1224
01:22:44,824 --> 01:22:47,459
But recently,
the past few months,
1225
01:22:50,329 --> 01:22:51,864
it scares me 'cause I...
1226
01:22:53,766 --> 01:22:55,300
I can't feel it anymore.
1227
01:22:56,401 --> 01:22:58,337
It just goes on forever
and ever, you know?
1228
01:23:00,707 --> 01:23:02,842
Probably
doesn't make much sense.
1229
01:23:02,875 --> 01:23:05,477
It actually makes
a lot of sense.
1230
01:23:15,420 --> 01:23:17,890
I'm lost, Star.
1231
01:23:19,692 --> 01:23:20,727
I'm really lost.
1232
01:23:22,494 --> 01:23:23,663
Bad lost.
1233
01:23:26,498 --> 01:23:29,201
Everything
is slipping away from me,
1234
01:23:30,202 --> 01:23:31,671
and it scares
the fuck out of me.
1235
01:23:34,373 --> 01:23:36,508
Does it sound like a heap
of shit to say that
1236
01:23:37,844 --> 01:23:40,612
I don't really have
the answers, Brandon,
1237
01:23:41,480 --> 01:23:42,915
but I do love you.
1238
01:23:45,952 --> 01:23:47,185
Truthfully?
1239
01:23:48,387 --> 01:23:49,454
Yeah.
1240
01:23:50,589 --> 01:23:53,158
- From you it does.
- You're so mean.
1241
01:23:54,359 --> 01:23:57,596
Okay. Well, you must be hungry,
because I hear
1242
01:23:57,630 --> 01:24:00,265
a night of gay bashing can
really work up an appetite so...
1243
01:24:02,267 --> 01:24:03,936
There's a Quick Stop around the corner.
Do you want anything?
1244
01:24:03,970 --> 01:24:06,405
Yeah,
I'll meet you over there.
1245
01:24:06,438 --> 01:24:07,907
We gotta get going
soon though, okay?
1246
01:24:11,476 --> 01:24:12,411
Star?
1247
01:24:16,716 --> 01:24:17,616
Yeah?
1248
01:24:18,951 --> 01:24:19,852
Thank you.
1249
01:24:22,387 --> 01:24:23,388
No problem.
1250
01:24:43,843 --> 01:24:45,544
Pick your poison.
1251
01:24:46,278 --> 01:24:48,881
Fortified with essential
glutamates and preservatives
1252
01:24:48,915 --> 01:24:52,217
or little fried ringlets
of the mystery meat.
1253
01:24:54,721 --> 01:24:55,620
Hey.
1254
01:25:00,626 --> 01:25:03,495
Uh, nice eyes?
1255
01:25:04,030 --> 01:25:05,564
It's an exercise, right?
1256
01:25:05,597 --> 01:25:07,466
In what... Geisha?
1257
01:25:08,067 --> 01:25:10,803
In the program, they teach us
to implement one component
1258
01:25:10,837 --> 01:25:13,840
of our new lives
as an expression of our manhood.
1259
01:25:13,873 --> 01:25:16,475
So, I thought
I'd do the opposite.
1260
01:25:18,477 --> 01:25:19,812
No? What do you think?
1261
01:25:19,846 --> 01:25:20,747
Brandon,
1262
01:25:21,781 --> 01:25:23,548
just because you decided
to poke your head out
1263
01:25:23,582 --> 01:25:25,484
of your closet a little bit,
doesn't mean the guy
1264
01:25:25,517 --> 01:25:28,020
that pops out
has to be Boy George.
1265
01:25:29,655 --> 01:25:33,059
Boy George? Oh, my God.
1266
01:25:33,092 --> 01:25:35,194
This looks ridiculous.
Where's... is this just water?
1267
01:25:39,065 --> 01:25:40,298
It's not coming off.
1268
01:25:41,566 --> 01:25:44,771
- How do you get this stuff off?
- Not so fast, Jack Sparrow.
1269
01:25:44,804 --> 01:25:46,605
It just looks crazy.
1270
01:25:51,010 --> 01:25:52,310
You're a good woman, Star.
1271
01:25:53,746 --> 01:25:55,447
You're a good woman too,
Brandon.
1272
01:25:56,682 --> 01:25:57,616
Asshole.
1273
01:26:03,622 --> 01:26:08,060
Holy tingling moose cock.
1274
01:26:09,528 --> 01:26:11,463
Either it's real
or a bad batch of acid
1275
01:26:11,496 --> 01:26:13,666
from the ninth grade
has leaked into my spinal cord,
1276
01:26:13,699 --> 01:26:15,968
hitched a ride on an aneurysm
and leaked into my brain.
1277
01:26:19,371 --> 01:26:21,339
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Star, Star,
we don't have much time here.
1278
01:26:21,373 --> 01:26:23,042
- What are you gonna do?
- I don't know,
1279
01:26:23,743 --> 01:26:25,610
but I feel like
I'm the Millennium Falcon
1280
01:26:25,645 --> 01:26:26,813
on the Death Star's
tractor beam.
1281
01:26:26,846 --> 01:26:27,780
I can't help myself.
1282
01:26:31,017 --> 01:26:32,517
Nice star.
1283
01:26:34,921 --> 01:26:36,354
You know my name?
1284
01:26:37,723 --> 01:26:39,759
Guys, bring
it down a notch. Come on.
1285
01:26:39,792 --> 01:26:41,894
Lady's allowed to get some
Skittles if she wants to.
1286
01:26:41,928 --> 01:26:43,629
It is a free country.
1287
01:26:44,130 --> 01:26:46,666
Yesterday these meatheads
almost took out an entire group
1288
01:26:46,699 --> 01:26:49,969
of church seniors whose bus
passed me by while I was jogging.
1289
01:26:50,002 --> 01:26:52,772
I told them,
"Hey, guys, guys,
1290
01:26:52,805 --> 01:26:57,043
only shoot the ones that don't have
their RNC cards on 'em."
1291
01:26:58,911 --> 01:27:00,112
That was a joke.
1292
01:27:01,681 --> 01:27:03,716
Whew. You're a tough crowd.
1293
01:27:05,017 --> 01:27:09,722
I just want you to know that
the door is closed between us.
1294
01:27:10,622 --> 01:27:12,457
- Excuse me, missy?
- The door,
1295
01:27:13,159 --> 01:27:16,394
it's closed between us.
1296
01:27:18,064 --> 01:27:20,365
It's over. Okay?
1297
01:27:21,566 --> 01:27:23,368
Well, alrighty then.
1298
01:27:26,538 --> 01:27:27,974
Thanks, Sam. I'll see you around
1299
01:27:28,007 --> 01:27:30,676
- Sam?
- See you, Mr. President?
1300
01:27:30,710 --> 01:27:31,744
Mr. President.
1301
01:27:35,081 --> 01:27:36,581
Okay.
1302
01:27:37,984 --> 01:27:39,118
Well?
1303
01:27:40,987 --> 01:27:42,688
Was it everything
you hoped it'd be?
1304
01:27:42,722 --> 01:27:45,390
Yeah. I think it was.
1305
01:27:48,661 --> 01:27:51,529
- Thanks.
- Could I help you two with anything?
1306
01:27:51,563 --> 01:27:55,600
I think my sister just
broke it off with George W.,
1307
01:27:55,635 --> 01:27:57,970
so we're good, sir.
You have a good day, okay?
1308
01:27:58,004 --> 01:27:59,504
- Bye!
- Come on, come on.
1309
01:28:44,150 --> 01:28:45,217
Let's go.
1310
01:28:46,451 --> 01:28:49,789
Holy shit, Star. We have less
than 30 minutes to do this.
1311
01:28:49,822 --> 01:28:52,658
What's the plan? Pretty sure
you can't just walk up there
1312
01:28:52,692 --> 01:28:54,860
and throw something
inside the whale's mouth.
1313
01:28:54,894 --> 01:28:57,163
- What about your otters?
- Oh, good point. Keys.
1314
01:28:57,196 --> 01:29:01,067
They're a family, and family
needs air conditioning. Okay.
1315
01:29:01,100 --> 01:29:03,069
We're not taking the otters.
1316
01:29:03,102 --> 01:29:05,204
Plus I've learned from
experience that a fast getaway
1317
01:29:05,237 --> 01:29:07,206
is needed,
so it's good to, you know,
1318
01:29:07,239 --> 01:29:08,774
- leave the car running.
- Good to know.
1319
01:29:09,875 --> 01:29:11,143
Hurry up!
1320
01:29:12,912 --> 01:29:15,247
- Okay. Where is it?
- I don't know.
1321
01:29:16,215 --> 01:29:17,817
We'll just keep looking.
1322
01:29:19,685 --> 01:29:21,687
- I can't see anything, Brandon.
- You're right. It's all right.
1323
01:29:21,721 --> 01:29:24,924
- Gotta be in here somewhere.
- Brandon, there it is.
1324
01:29:28,260 --> 01:29:30,296
- Oh, my...
- Wow.
1325
01:29:30,329 --> 01:29:32,698
Okay. Okay. All right.
1326
01:29:32,732 --> 01:29:35,868
Uh, what... what do we do?
1327
01:29:35,901 --> 01:29:38,004
So now, if you follow me,
1328
01:29:38,037 --> 01:29:39,872
we've got a special treat
for you.
1329
01:29:39,905 --> 01:29:43,743
It's the behind-the-scenes tour
with our star,
1330
01:29:43,776 --> 01:29:46,679
- Sasha the whale!
- Brandon...
1331
01:29:46,712 --> 01:29:49,581
You'll get to see
an intimate feeding session
1332
01:29:49,614 --> 01:29:52,118
- Shh.
- It's gonna be Christmas and Halloween
1333
01:29:52,151 --> 01:29:54,787
all in one. Right this way.
1334
01:29:56,088 --> 01:29:57,957
- Let's go, alright?
- Alright.
1335
01:30:10,302 --> 01:30:12,838
Here at the Roderick
Texas Aquarium,
1336
01:30:12,872 --> 01:30:16,075
we're not only famous
for our over 3,000
1337
01:30:16,108 --> 01:30:18,711
different aquatic species,
but also
1338
01:30:18,744 --> 01:30:22,248
for our most famous resident,
Sasha the whale.
1339
01:30:26,152 --> 01:30:29,955
- There she is.
- Behind this reinforced corrugated steel tank
1340
01:30:29,989 --> 01:30:33,926
is 360 metric tons of ionized,
1341
01:30:33,959 --> 01:30:36,062
purified salt water.
1342
01:30:36,095 --> 01:30:39,965
We've recreated an orca's
natural environment
1343
01:30:39,999 --> 01:30:43,102
to give her the utmost comfort
here at the park.
1344
01:30:44,003 --> 01:30:47,840
Sasha's an orca, or according to
her scientific classification,
1345
01:30:47,873 --> 01:30:52,144
an orcinus orca.
She's an adolescent female
1346
01:30:52,178 --> 01:30:56,682
and weights three-and-a-half
tons. That's heavy.
1347
01:30:57,349 --> 01:30:59,985
If this works
and we don't get arrested,
1348
01:31:00,019 --> 01:31:02,321
I will walk through downtown
Des Moines butt naked.
1349
01:31:06,659 --> 01:31:08,828
Don't worry.
She can't get out of there.
1350
01:31:08,861 --> 01:31:10,863
She's harmless anyway.
1351
01:31:10,896 --> 01:31:12,631
Jesus Christ.
1352
01:31:13,666 --> 01:31:16,402
- Okay, Sherlock. What's the plan here?
- Um...
1353
01:31:16,435 --> 01:31:19,604
How exactly are we gonna get that thing
to swallow Mom's ashes? Seriously.
1354
01:31:22,775 --> 01:31:24,877
Okay. We need a fish.
That's what we need.
1355
01:31:24,910 --> 01:31:26,779
- Are you crazy?
- Why?
1356
01:31:26,812 --> 01:31:28,380
I have seen this movie.
It ends up with my arm
1357
01:31:28,414 --> 01:31:30,316
being chomped off
by a killer whale
1358
01:31:30,349 --> 01:31:33,686
while the whole thing
is streamed on YouTube
1359
01:31:33,719 --> 01:31:36,288
by that little girl over there.
We have a friend.
1360
01:31:36,322 --> 01:31:39,358
- Seriously, we need a plan.
- We have exactly seven minutes to do this,
1361
01:31:39,391 --> 01:31:42,695
shoot a picture over to Ira or all
of this was for not. Seriously.
1362
01:31:42,728 --> 01:31:44,797
Come on. Look how far
we've come. Please.
1363
01:31:44,830 --> 01:31:46,298
This isn't the real Sasha.
1364
01:31:47,032 --> 01:31:49,902
- Huh?
- The real Sasha passed away.
1365
01:31:49,935 --> 01:31:53,205
- This is Sasha number two.
- Good to know.
1366
01:31:53,239 --> 01:31:56,876
Okay. And that wraps up our
special behind-the-scenes tour.
1367
01:31:56,909 --> 01:31:59,445
Everyone here
at the Roderick Texas Aquarium
1368
01:31:59,478 --> 01:32:01,780
hopes you had a whale of a day.
1369
01:32:01,814 --> 01:32:04,717
Well, everyone follow me.
1370
01:32:05,284 --> 01:32:06,252
Open it.
1371
01:32:08,187 --> 01:32:09,855
- Open it.
- I think you should do it, okay?
1372
01:32:09,889 --> 01:32:11,957
No. No.
You're the man, open it.
1373
01:32:11,991 --> 01:32:13,926
I'm a bitter, confused
potential atheist.
1374
01:32:13,959 --> 01:32:15,394
Gender does not come
into play here.
1375
01:32:15,427 --> 01:32:17,429
- You do it.
- Brandon! I'll do it.
1376
01:32:18,397 --> 01:32:19,398
Careful. Careful.
1377
01:32:22,034 --> 01:32:23,169
Hey, Mom.
1378
01:32:24,069 --> 01:32:25,971
- This is it?
- Yeah, that's Mom.
1379
01:32:26,005 --> 01:32:28,007
What do...
where's the rest of her?
1380
01:32:28,040 --> 01:32:30,009
What do you mean "rest of her?"
Without being graphic,
1381
01:32:30,042 --> 01:32:32,211
this is what happens when
they incinerate your whole body.
1382
01:32:32,244 --> 01:32:33,412
That's what's left.
1383
01:32:34,780 --> 01:32:35,748
Brandon.
1384
01:32:36,982 --> 01:32:39,418
- What? What's wrong with it?
- She was always so there, right?
1385
01:32:39,451 --> 01:32:43,088
Isn't this crazy? I mean, her whole
life reduced to this. It's just...
1386
01:32:45,424 --> 01:32:48,994
- It's so simple.
- That's life.
1387
01:32:51,997 --> 01:32:55,467
- I know it's crazy, but...
- What are you doing with that?
1388
01:32:55,501 --> 01:33:01,273
Um, we're just, uh, you know, wanting to spend
an extra few minutes with Sasha is all.
1389
01:33:01,307 --> 01:33:05,444
- Yeah.
- Yeah. We're, uh, we're friends with her.
1390
01:33:07,813 --> 01:33:11,917
Yeah. Yeah. We just, uh,
want to give her a snack and,
1391
01:33:11,951 --> 01:33:15,020
you know, say our goodbyes.
So why don't you run off to your parents
1392
01:33:15,054 --> 01:33:17,423
and... and we'll do
just that, okay? Okay.
1393
01:33:17,456 --> 01:33:20,392
- Snack?
- Yeah. Yeah.
1394
01:33:20,426 --> 01:33:23,128
A snack because, um, we...
1395
01:33:23,929 --> 01:33:25,297
- are friends with her.
- Friends with her.
1396
01:33:25,331 --> 01:33:27,433
Yeah. Okay. Listen.
1397
01:33:28,234 --> 01:33:30,035
- Get that fish from there.
- I can't...
1398
01:33:30,069 --> 01:33:31,804
- Shove the packet in its mouth...
- I can't do the...
1399
01:33:31,837 --> 01:33:33,305
And throw the thing
over to Sasha.
1400
01:33:33,339 --> 01:33:35,107
I can't do the raw fish.
I have a thing.
1401
01:33:35,140 --> 01:33:37,376
- What do you mean?
- I gag with raw fish.
1402
01:33:37,409 --> 01:33:39,945
- I can't go anywhere near a raw fish.
- Brandon, Brandon,
1403
01:33:39,979 --> 01:33:41,513
you're gay, okay?
Gays love sushi.
1404
01:33:41,547 --> 01:33:43,515
It's a new genetic code.
You'll be fine.
1405
01:33:43,549 --> 01:33:45,317
As long as we don't
bring too much attention
1406
01:33:45,351 --> 01:33:46,885
to ourselves,
everything's gonna be fine...
1407
01:33:50,055 --> 01:33:52,324
- They're playing with Sasha.
- kay. Brandon the jig is up.
1408
01:33:52,358 --> 01:33:54,360
- Go, go, go, go, go!
- Okay, okay.
1409
01:33:54,393 --> 01:33:56,996
Brandon get the biggest fish,
the biggest fish!
1410
01:33:57,029 --> 01:33:59,331
Get the biggest one
and come over.
1411
01:33:59,365 --> 01:34:01,166
Now, shove the packet
in its mouth.
1412
01:34:01,200 --> 01:34:03,035
- Shove it in its mouth.
- Oh, my God.
1413
01:34:03,068 --> 01:34:05,170
- oh, my God.
- I can't do it.
1414
01:34:05,204 --> 01:34:07,573
It's not gonna fit inside
his mouth, Star.
1415
01:34:07,606 --> 01:34:09,308
You're gonna have to rip it
open and hand stuff it.
1416
01:34:09,341 --> 01:34:11,377
- So rip the bag open.
- Okay. Hang on.
1417
01:34:11,410 --> 01:34:13,912
- Rip it open, rip it open.
- Just give me one second.
1418
01:34:13,946 --> 01:34:15,848
- Okay, okay. Just try. Just try.
- I got this.
1419
01:34:15,881 --> 01:34:18,083
- Just give it to me. Okay.
- Let me tear it. Hang on.
1420
01:34:18,117 --> 01:34:20,119
Okay. Just hurry up!
Give it to me!
1421
01:34:20,152 --> 01:34:22,288
- Let go of it for two seconds!
- No! You let go, Brandon.
1422
01:34:22,321 --> 01:34:23,322
Oh!
1423
01:34:27,493 --> 01:34:28,494
I, uh...
1424
01:34:31,063 --> 01:34:34,033
- what do we do?
- I don't know. Try and put her back.
1425
01:34:36,201 --> 01:34:40,372
I'm sorry, Mom. Oh, God.
1426
01:34:52,584 --> 01:34:54,053
"Dear Poochies,
1427
01:34:56,255 --> 01:34:59,258
wow, you really did it. I was
just fucking with you."
1428
01:34:59,291 --> 01:35:00,159
Oh, God.
1429
01:35:01,493 --> 01:35:04,263
"Who wants to be swallowed
by a whale anyway?
1430
01:35:05,632 --> 01:35:07,232
Hope this brought you together.
1431
01:35:08,300 --> 01:35:11,570
That was my real last wish.
Love, Mom."
1432
01:35:14,641 --> 01:35:19,244
- Well...
- Well, what do you want to do now?
1433
01:35:19,978 --> 01:35:21,280
I don't know.
1434
01:35:22,081 --> 01:35:22,981
Thanks, Mom.
1435
01:35:23,615 --> 01:35:25,351
Thanks, Mom!
1436
01:35:25,384 --> 01:35:27,052
Hey! You guys,
what are you doing?
1437
01:35:27,086 --> 01:35:28,320
Run. Run.
1438
01:35:28,354 --> 01:35:30,089
- What?
- Wait, wait.
1439
01:35:30,122 --> 01:35:31,990
Let's get a picture, come on!
1440
01:35:32,024 --> 01:35:33,492
Cheese!
1441
01:35:33,525 --> 01:35:35,594
Okay. Run! Go!
1442
01:35:39,632 --> 01:35:41,400
Go, go, go, go!
1443
01:35:42,968 --> 01:35:46,071
I think we lost them! Go B!
The other way!
1444
01:35:46,105 --> 01:35:48,607
- Go! Hurry up, hurry up!
- Get in, get in, get in, get in.
1445
01:35:49,375 --> 01:35:51,944
Oh, God, oh, God. Check
the otters, check the otters!
1446
01:35:51,977 --> 01:35:54,079
Okay, they're good.
1447
01:35:54,113 --> 01:35:55,447
- Are they okay?
- Yeah.
1448
01:35:55,481 --> 01:35:57,282
- Here we go.
- One second.
1449
01:35:57,316 --> 01:35:59,451
- We have to. One second.
- What? Star!
1450
01:35:59,485 --> 01:36:02,254
Just one second, Brandon!
I have to! One second.
1451
01:36:02,287 --> 01:36:04,490
Oh, my God,
what are you doing?
1452
01:36:04,523 --> 01:36:06,158
We don't have time for this.
1453
01:36:10,329 --> 01:36:12,030
Come oh, hurry up,
they're coming!
1454
01:36:13,132 --> 01:36:15,901
Come on! Okay,
okay, okay, okay.
1455
01:36:16,636 --> 01:36:18,103
- Okay.
- Get in, get in, get in!
1456
01:36:18,137 --> 01:36:19,438
For Mom. Go!
1457
01:36:19,471 --> 01:36:21,306
- Go, go, go!
- There they are!
1458
01:36:21,340 --> 01:36:23,542
Go! Whoo!
1459
01:36:25,678 --> 01:36:27,179
We love you, Mom!
1460
01:36:30,683 --> 01:36:33,986
You're crazy, Star.
You are crazy.
1461
01:36:35,220 --> 01:36:39,425
- Go, go, go!
- Goodbye!
1462
01:36:39,458 --> 01:36:41,293
- Ah-ooo!
- Whoo!
1463
01:36:41,326 --> 01:36:44,697
Oo-oo-ooh! Oh, shit,
this is a one way.
1464
01:36:44,731 --> 01:36:47,065
This is a one way.
We're good. We're good.
1465
01:37:50,830 --> 01:37:52,297
Alright.
1466
01:37:54,533 --> 01:37:56,134
- Let's do it.
- Okay.
1467
01:38:07,747 --> 01:38:08,781
Alright.
1468
01:38:10,650 --> 01:38:13,485
Now, the map said it's
a protected landmark area, so
1469
01:38:14,152 --> 01:38:16,221
- it should be nice.
- Hurry up!
1470
01:38:16,255 --> 01:38:18,190
- Come on!
- I'm coming!
1471
01:38:19,124 --> 01:38:21,460
Uh, Brandon?
1472
01:38:22,561 --> 01:38:24,631
Whoa, what is that?
1473
01:38:25,665 --> 01:38:27,634
- Is that...
- A sign.
1474
01:38:28,701 --> 01:38:31,638
- Come on. Come on!
- All right.
1475
01:38:31,671 --> 01:38:33,138
Let's do it!
1476
01:38:36,241 --> 01:38:38,410
Right here. Okay.
Let's say a prayer.
1477
01:38:38,443 --> 01:38:39,344
- Okay.
- Okay.
1478
01:38:41,613 --> 01:38:42,649
Dear Heavenly Father,
1479
01:38:43,650 --> 01:38:46,351
thank you for this beautiful
and very relevant
1480
01:38:46,385 --> 01:38:48,186
setting for our friends here.
1481
01:38:48,220 --> 01:38:49,288
Family, come on.
1482
01:38:49,321 --> 01:38:50,455
Family.
1483
01:38:51,623 --> 01:38:53,726
Please watch over them
and guide them
1484
01:38:53,760 --> 01:38:55,394
for the rest
of their little lives.
1485
01:38:55,427 --> 01:38:57,162
- Amen.
- A-woman.
1486
01:38:59,632 --> 01:39:03,335
Okay. Hey, guys, listen up.
1487
01:39:03,368 --> 01:39:04,804
This the real world, okay?
1488
01:39:04,837 --> 01:39:06,538
This ain't gonna be easy.
1489
01:39:06,572 --> 01:39:08,808
There are storms
and hunters and alligators
1490
01:39:08,841 --> 01:39:11,577
that are gonna eat you.
But my advice.
1491
01:39:11,610 --> 01:39:13,579
You stick together,
you're family,
1492
01:39:13,612 --> 01:39:15,280
and you'll be just fine.
1493
01:39:16,816 --> 01:39:17,850
Okay. Let's do this.
On three?
1494
01:39:17,884 --> 01:39:19,451
On three.
1495
01:39:19,484 --> 01:39:22,487
One, two, three. Whoo!
1496
01:39:24,289 --> 01:39:25,892
- Whoo!
- Freedom!
1497
01:39:25,925 --> 01:39:27,259
Go, go, go, go, go!
1498
01:39:27,292 --> 01:39:29,328
Freedom!
1499
01:39:30,495 --> 01:39:33,599
Bye! Go!
1500
01:39:34,734 --> 01:39:36,401
- Be free!
- Freedom!
1501
01:39:36,435 --> 01:39:37,603
Whoo!
1502
01:39:40,572 --> 01:39:42,374
- Wow.
- They're so cute.
1503
01:39:43,609 --> 01:39:45,310
Good job, Star.
1504
01:39:47,412 --> 01:39:50,750
Home sweet home.
Look at them go.
1505
01:40:00,893 --> 01:40:01,894
What do you think?
1506
01:40:04,229 --> 01:40:05,632
I think they're gonna be okay.
1507
01:40:08,500 --> 01:40:10,402
- And us?
- Us?
1508
01:40:11,638 --> 01:40:12,672
Us.
1509
01:40:14,206 --> 01:40:15,574
We're pretty much fucked.
1510
01:40:54,513 --> 01:40:56,281
Where the hell are we?
1511
01:41:01,721 --> 01:41:03,823
Go
over there and park over there,
1512
01:41:04,523 --> 01:41:07,026
and we'll make sure that
we go and take our picture.
1513
01:41:10,897 --> 01:41:12,531
- You love taking pictures.
- Ah!
1514
01:41:12,564 --> 01:41:14,232
You're so good
at taking pictures.
1515
01:41:14,266 --> 01:41:15,802
- All right.
- It's very good.
1516
01:41:15,835 --> 01:41:17,770
You're very distracting,
okay? Let me drive.
1517
01:41:17,804 --> 01:41:19,504
- Very distracting.
- Yes, we can go. Let me drive.
1518
01:41:21,473 --> 01:41:24,376
You know, sometimes I think
Adele speaks like this.
1519
01:41:24,844 --> 01:41:26,545
This is a very good
Adele accent.
1520
01:41:26,578 --> 01:41:28,748
Can you do an Adele accent
1521
01:41:28,781 --> 01:41:30,950
or an Aussie accent, mate?
Good day, Mate,
1522
01:41:30,983 --> 01:41:33,886
how's it going? Have a beer
and a shrimp on the barby.
1523
01:41:33,920 --> 01:41:35,755
Was an African
over there, brother?
1524
01:41:35,788 --> 01:41:37,690
What's your favorite accident?
1525
01:41:38,457 --> 01:41:41,761
- They're all terrible.
- How about you do an English accent?
1526
01:41:41,794 --> 01:41:43,328
Hello, Puppet,
1527
01:41:43,361 --> 01:41:44,731
I'm your governor.
1528
01:41:44,764 --> 01:41:46,331
That is terrible.
1529
01:41:46,364 --> 01:41:48,500
Can I have a cup
of tea and scones?
1530
01:41:48,935 --> 01:41:51,738
- Right?
- You are like the worst...
1531
01:41:51,771 --> 01:41:54,741
you should never do
an English accent.
1532
01:41:54,774 --> 01:41:57,609
- That was good.
- No. You should never do an English accent.
1533
01:41:57,643 --> 01:41:59,478
- I know I'm good.
- Your English accent is like...
1534
01:41:59,511 --> 01:42:01,914
- Listen again.
- Hello, puppet.
1535
01:42:01,948 --> 01:42:04,382
Care to have
a cup of tea, Governor?
1536
01:42:04,416 --> 01:42:06,284
- That's perfect.
- Oh, my God, Governor,
1537
01:42:06,318 --> 01:42:07,787
- my name's Adele.
- That's perfect.
1538
01:42:07,820 --> 01:42:09,956
- My name's Adele.
- Who's Adele?
1539
01:42:10,857 --> 01:42:12,725
She's... I don't know.
1540
01:42:12,759 --> 01:42:15,560
I'm just fucking with you.
I know who Adele is.
1541
01:42:16,394 --> 01:42:18,631
Good day, mate.
1542
01:42:19,065 --> 01:42:20,599
That's a good
Australian accent.
1543
01:42:20,633 --> 01:42:22,034
Cheers, mate.