0000 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:10,000 YoubetCash.vip Agen Judi Online Aman & Terpercaya 000 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:15,000 Bonus Cashback Bola 6% Bonus Rollingan 0,80% 00 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:20,000 Welcome Bonus Rp 25.000 Extra Bonus Tambahan Withdraw Rp 2.000.000 0 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:25,000 CashBack Mix Parlay 100% Bonus Ajak teman 45,2% 1 00:00:35,083 --> 00:00:36,789 Guys, I've had a great time. 2 00:00:36,875 --> 00:00:38,240 - Let's do it again. - Yes. 3 00:00:38,375 --> 00:00:39,160 Bye. 4 00:00:39,375 --> 00:00:40,740 See you soon, take care. 5 00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:42,448 - Thanks. - See you later... 6 00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:44,578 - Take care guys. - Ciao. 7 00:00:44,667 --> 00:00:45,667 See you later. 8 00:00:46,792 --> 00:00:49,989 Damn, I can't believe Raul and Sara are getting married. 9 00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:52,036 We introduced them! 10 00:00:56,042 --> 00:00:57,202 Hey, are you alright? 11 00:00:57,417 --> 00:00:58,247 Yes. 12 00:00:58,417 --> 00:00:59,156 Yes? 13 00:00:59,375 --> 00:01:00,080 Yes. 14 00:01:00,208 --> 00:01:01,789 Lost mylove 15 00:01:02,042 --> 00:01:04,499 you haven't been your usual self. 16 00:01:05,125 --> 00:01:06,706 We're close enough now, 17 00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:08,573 you can tell me what's wrong. 18 00:01:08,708 --> 00:01:10,494 Yes... I don't think... 19 00:01:10,583 --> 00:01:13,040 Whatever it is, don't worry about it, ok? 20 00:01:13,125 --> 00:01:13,705 Ok. 21 00:01:13,833 --> 00:01:15,824 They're moving a piano at this time. 22 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,332 I don't know how to tell you this. 23 00:01:21,417 --> 00:01:22,417 What's up? 24 00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:24,581 Have you ever felt 25 00:01:24,625 --> 00:01:28,743 that you're with someone who you love more as a friend than as a partner? 26 00:01:29,458 --> 00:01:30,698 Yes, I guess so. 27 00:01:32,458 --> 00:01:34,369 Someone you really care for 28 00:01:34,458 --> 00:01:37,120 and while you know you don't have a future, 29 00:01:37,250 --> 00:01:40,242 the fear of hurting them stops you from breaking up, 30 00:01:40,583 --> 00:01:43,040 which only makes things more complicated. 31 00:01:43,208 --> 00:01:44,368 No, never. 32 00:01:45,875 --> 00:01:47,661 I'm sorry. It's over. 33 00:01:48,792 --> 00:01:51,033 We've been together ages, Olivia. 34 00:01:51,250 --> 00:01:53,241 That depends on when you count from. 35 00:01:53,333 --> 00:01:55,870 From the first time we said "I love you" or... 36 00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:06,250 Antonio? 37 00:02:07,250 --> 00:02:08,660 We're going to New York! 38 00:02:09,583 --> 00:02:11,039 We're going to New York! 39 00:02:11,833 --> 00:02:14,575 Aren't you excited? Yes, of course. New York! 40 00:02:15,500 --> 00:02:17,536 It's the first time I've done this. 41 00:02:17,875 --> 00:02:21,618 Buy a flight with someone for six months time! 42 00:02:23,250 --> 00:02:24,615 If we buy them now, 43 00:02:24,708 --> 00:02:27,871 that means we're going to be together another six months. 44 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:28,614 Of course. 45 00:02:28,792 --> 00:02:31,579 Even if it's only so we don't waste the flights. 46 00:02:40,208 --> 00:02:44,030 If you're going to leave me, better do it now than in a month's time. 47 00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:49,041 I'm going to do it, I'm doing it. 48 00:02:51,708 --> 00:02:52,618 You're right. 49 00:02:52,708 --> 00:02:54,448 - What? - It's a huge commitment. 50 00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:56,749 Who knows where we'll be in six months. 51 00:02:58,333 --> 00:03:00,198 I think it's better to end it. 52 00:03:02,167 --> 00:03:03,373 Why isn't he responding? 53 00:03:03,625 --> 00:03:04,625 We sedated him. 54 00:03:05,083 --> 00:03:06,323 He was hit by a piano. 55 00:03:06,708 --> 00:03:09,825 His leg's broken. He needs a full examination. 56 00:03:11,333 --> 00:03:13,995 I hope he remembers that we broke up. 57 00:03:14,083 --> 00:03:16,369 Shit, imagine I hadn't said it, 58 00:03:16,458 --> 00:03:18,039 and the piano paralysed him, 59 00:03:18,125 --> 00:03:19,740 I would never have left him. 60 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:23,496 Shit, I can't believe my luck. 61 00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:28,990 I know it sounds horrible. 62 00:03:29,083 --> 00:03:30,243 But I can't help it. 63 00:03:30,333 --> 00:03:31,743 Too far? Do you have a sedative? 64 00:03:31,833 --> 00:03:35,655 It's a lot of mixed emotions, breaking up with someone is horrible. 65 00:03:41,875 --> 00:03:44,708 - Get out. - There's no need to be like that! 66 00:03:45,875 --> 00:03:48,412 Tell him I'll see him at the hospital. 67 00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:04,576 Hey, is there a discount for six? Yes, discount. 68 00:04:04,667 --> 00:04:05,873 - Five Euros? - Yes. 69 00:04:22,458 --> 00:04:23,458 Bastard. 70 00:04:28,375 --> 00:04:31,663 Is there any need to be like that? 71 00:05:30,625 --> 00:05:34,038 - Give it, give it to me! - Bloody hell, take it! 72 00:05:52,625 --> 00:05:59,781 Graceful lady 73 00:05:59,875 --> 00:06:04,118 from malaga! 74 00:06:07,625 --> 00:06:15,625 I wish I could kiss your lips 75 00:06:18,625 --> 00:06:24,495 I wish I could kiss your lips graceful lady from malaga 76 00:06:24,583 --> 00:06:26,574 do you believe in love at first sight? 77 00:06:29,583 --> 00:06:30,583 I do. 78 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,161 Especially if the other person is fit. 79 00:06:34,875 --> 00:06:37,537 Not so long ago, I fell in love at first sight. 80 00:06:37,958 --> 00:06:38,958 With Olivia. 81 00:06:39,083 --> 00:06:42,155 She saw some guys throwing a party and what did she do? 82 00:06:42,250 --> 00:06:43,865 What anyone would have done: 83 00:06:44,042 --> 00:06:45,578 Sing them a song. 84 00:06:46,708 --> 00:06:48,198 Maybe it was the song, 85 00:06:48,792 --> 00:06:51,249 or how beautiful she looked under the streetlight, 86 00:06:51,375 --> 00:06:53,536 while a drunk guy threw up next to her, 87 00:06:54,042 --> 00:06:55,452 or because I was wasted, 88 00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:57,535 but I fell in love. 89 00:07:00,667 --> 00:07:03,249 I fell so deeply in love 90 00:07:03,458 --> 00:07:05,574 I had too much bike and not enough brakes. 91 00:07:06,458 --> 00:07:10,576 Graceful lady from malaga! 92 00:07:14,458 --> 00:07:16,244 Are you ok? 93 00:07:20,583 --> 00:07:22,699 Do you want to go for dinner one day? 94 00:07:23,458 --> 00:07:24,458 What? 95 00:07:26,083 --> 00:07:28,995 If we ended up together, we'd have an amazing story 96 00:07:29,083 --> 00:07:30,493 about how we met. 97 00:07:30,875 --> 00:07:32,581 Like notting hill on steroids. 98 00:07:33,750 --> 00:07:34,750 Wow... 99 00:07:45,583 --> 00:07:46,583 Was it good? 100 00:07:48,083 --> 00:07:49,869 The breakfast deal is until one. 101 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,365 I'll have to charge full price. 102 00:07:51,458 --> 00:07:54,416 Augusto you bastard, damn, it's only... 103 00:07:54,667 --> 00:07:56,203 Shit, half past four. 104 00:07:56,750 --> 00:07:59,412 Are you meeting the girl you ran over today? 105 00:07:59,583 --> 00:08:01,869 Yeah, mate, I'm a nervous wreck. 106 00:08:02,167 --> 00:08:04,203 But, anyway, I hope it goes well. 107 00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:06,198 Of course it will. Why wouldn't it? 108 00:08:06,250 --> 00:08:07,865 All your relationships go well. 109 00:08:08,583 --> 00:08:10,073 Like violeta, who you left 110 00:08:10,167 --> 00:08:12,579 because she was always listening to Sam Smith. 111 00:08:12,667 --> 00:08:13,998 Ed Sheeran - Ed Sheeran. 112 00:08:14,083 --> 00:08:15,869 Or Alicia, who you left for her sister. 113 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,366 It'll be fine. I've got a feeling. 114 00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:19,500 Yes, of course. 115 00:08:21,458 --> 00:08:23,119 Here. No need to thank me. 116 00:08:24,500 --> 00:08:25,785 That's not enough! 117 00:08:26,125 --> 00:08:28,411 That's why you don't need to thank me. 118 00:08:32,208 --> 00:08:33,789 So, you give monologues? 119 00:08:34,792 --> 00:08:37,408 The right term is stand up comedy. 120 00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:40,957 By the way, I'm eating all of these. 121 00:08:41,042 --> 00:08:43,579 Don't you want any? No, thanks, I'm allergic. 122 00:08:43,667 --> 00:08:46,124 My face balloons like a muppet's. 123 00:08:46,208 --> 00:08:48,164 I always carry adrenaline, just in case. 124 00:08:48,250 --> 00:08:50,241 Really? Cool, like in Pulp Fiction! 125 00:08:50,333 --> 00:08:51,994 See? Then you inject it. 126 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,581 It's no joke. I could suffocate. 127 00:08:54,833 --> 00:08:56,448 In fact, if you don't mind. 128 00:08:57,083 --> 00:08:58,789 What were you saying about monologues? 129 00:08:58,875 --> 00:09:00,160 Stand up comedy. 130 00:09:00,250 --> 00:09:02,332 Like why girls go to the loo together 131 00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:04,829 and why napkins don't absorb anything, right? 132 00:09:05,208 --> 00:09:06,698 I'm not a fan of monologues. 133 00:09:07,125 --> 00:09:09,707 If you don't like stand up, you haven't seen real comedy. 134 00:09:09,792 --> 00:09:12,750 A guy on a stage, opening up to his audience. 135 00:09:13,167 --> 00:09:16,489 Like that sensation when more than 200 people 136 00:09:16,583 --> 00:09:18,995 laugh when you want them to laugh. 137 00:09:20,208 --> 00:09:21,243 Have you ever heen 138 00:09:21,333 --> 00:09:23,449 to a monologue that wasn't funny? 139 00:09:23,583 --> 00:09:24,413 I have. 140 00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:27,947 Alright, clever clogs, illuminate me, what do you do? 141 00:09:28,208 --> 00:09:30,324 I'm in theatre. I write and I act. 142 00:09:30,417 --> 00:09:32,533 - What bar do you work in? - One in la latina. 143 00:09:33,042 --> 00:09:35,328 I'm particularly into avant-garde theatre. 144 00:09:35,500 --> 00:09:39,118 The autobiographical movements, artaud, theatre of cruelty. 145 00:09:39,208 --> 00:09:42,405 Sorry, I was about to fall asleep out of pure boredom. 146 00:09:43,042 --> 00:09:44,657 Theatre of what? Of cruelty? 147 00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:46,615 What is the theatre of cruelty? 148 00:09:48,250 --> 00:09:52,163 The theatre of cruelty shocks the viewer with a radical experience 149 00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:53,660 forcing him to pay attention 150 00:09:53,792 --> 00:09:55,077 and stirring his emotions. 151 00:09:55,458 --> 00:09:56,458 Fuck me. 152 00:09:56,542 --> 00:09:59,784 If I go to the theatre to listen to someone's shit life story, 153 00:09:59,958 --> 00:10:01,414 I'd at least like a laugh. 154 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,741 But life is drama, anguish, solitude. 155 00:10:03,875 --> 00:10:05,240 Life isn't funny. 156 00:10:05,625 --> 00:10:07,331 There you go. What a bitch. 157 00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,077 Leave it. 158 00:10:10,708 --> 00:10:11,948 Ah, of course. 159 00:10:12,125 --> 00:10:13,740 You're a man, so you pay? 160 00:10:14,667 --> 00:10:16,157 No way. We'll split it. 161 00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:18,244 Fine. That's great. 162 00:10:18,333 --> 00:10:20,870 Because, damn, you drank a lot for a chick. 163 00:10:21,083 --> 00:10:23,165 Ah! Another micro-sexism! 164 00:10:23,375 --> 00:10:26,333 Sorry, you drank a lot for a mammal. 165 00:10:27,875 --> 00:10:30,992 What's more, I don't agree that life is just drama. 166 00:10:31,792 --> 00:10:32,827 Shall I show you? 167 00:10:33,250 --> 00:10:34,250 What? 168 00:10:40,125 --> 00:10:41,125 Hey! 169 00:10:43,750 --> 00:10:44,990 The bill. 170 00:10:46,333 --> 00:10:47,493 Yes, what's wrong? 171 00:10:47,750 --> 00:10:48,990 You left without paying. 172 00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:51,332 Without paying? You've got that wrong. 173 00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:52,452 That's not true. 174 00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:55,660 You're an idiot. 175 00:10:55,875 --> 00:10:57,740 I'm working, that's not funny. 176 00:10:57,833 --> 00:11:00,870 Sorry, he's a comedian, he thinks he's really funny. 177 00:11:06,542 --> 00:11:09,079 - She didn't find that funny. - No, not at all. 178 00:11:09,250 --> 00:11:10,250 Poor girl. 179 00:11:16,042 --> 00:11:18,249 Have you seen Annie hall? 180 00:11:19,458 --> 00:11:21,574 Yes. But it's a comedy. Remember when... 181 00:11:22,583 --> 00:11:24,198 After the first date, he says 182 00:11:25,042 --> 00:11:26,498 it's best to kiss soon 183 00:11:26,583 --> 00:11:29,746 to avoid the awkward moment of the first kiss? 184 00:11:30,333 --> 00:11:31,573 Yes, I remember. 185 00:11:38,208 --> 00:11:40,790 - We could go to see it one day? - Yes, let's go. 186 00:11:40,875 --> 00:11:43,161 - Cool, good. - Another day... yes, why not. 187 00:11:43,250 --> 00:11:44,160 Ok, cool. 188 00:11:44,250 --> 00:11:47,572 Well, I live up there. Up there. I don't, I'm more... 189 00:11:47,625 --> 00:11:48,956 I live down there. 0k, 190 00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,243 - ciao. - Bye. 191 00:11:52,250 --> 00:11:55,413 And we saw Annie hall and bullets over Broadway 192 00:11:55,583 --> 00:11:57,574 and Manhattan murder mystery. 193 00:11:57,667 --> 00:11:59,623 We saw so many Woody Allen films 194 00:11:59,708 --> 00:12:01,994 that one day I woke up with phimosis. 195 00:12:03,875 --> 00:12:05,581 But, even still, 196 00:12:05,833 --> 00:12:07,664 we've not had one bloody kiss. 197 00:12:08,792 --> 00:12:09,827 Right, you start. 198 00:12:16,792 --> 00:12:17,872 Water or vodka? 199 00:12:20,833 --> 00:12:21,538 Water! 200 00:12:21,583 --> 00:12:22,583 Vodkal 201 00:12:23,208 --> 00:12:24,208 your turn. 202 00:12:33,625 --> 00:12:34,239 Vodka? 203 00:12:34,625 --> 00:12:35,625 Yes. 204 00:12:37,042 --> 00:12:38,042 Your turn! 205 00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:40,582 We have a drinking game in my village. 206 00:12:40,667 --> 00:12:42,373 Guess what it's called. "Drink". 207 00:12:42,667 --> 00:12:44,123 Shut up and drink. 208 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,240 Vodka. 209 00:13:02,875 --> 00:13:04,786 It seems like they were all vodka! 210 00:13:06,417 --> 00:13:10,114 I think someone here wanted to get someone drunk. 211 00:13:15,458 --> 00:13:19,121 Well, it must be really late, right? 212 00:13:22,417 --> 00:13:23,577 Right. Right. 213 00:13:30,667 --> 00:13:34,410 What was I going to say... We'll see each other another day. 214 00:13:34,583 --> 00:13:37,120 - 0k. - Yeah? 215 00:13:37,667 --> 00:13:42,331 We've still got two... Two Woody Allen films to see. 216 00:13:42,542 --> 00:13:44,248 Yes, we've still got two. 217 00:13:44,750 --> 00:13:46,866 Do you remember where the door is? 218 00:13:47,125 --> 00:13:49,582 Yes, the way I came in. It's the same, right? 219 00:13:51,208 --> 00:13:52,368 Ah, your phone. 220 00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:54,497 Alright, girl. 221 00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:55,583 Alright. 222 00:13:59,583 --> 00:14:01,164 Wait, wait. 223 00:14:01,333 --> 00:14:03,119 - Come on. - Got it. 224 00:14:04,250 --> 00:14:05,250 Ciao. 225 00:14:06,542 --> 00:14:08,578 - Call me! - Congratulations! 226 00:14:11,875 --> 00:14:14,116 Ah, oli... you're an idiot! 227 00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:20,324 Five dates, a bottle of vodka and not one kiss! 228 00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:23,706 You're a complete fool. 229 00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:25,500 Come on, think. 230 00:14:39,125 --> 00:14:40,125 Hello? 231 00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:44,197 Olivia, I think I've left my phone in your house. 232 00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:45,250 Bugger! 233 00:14:45,542 --> 00:14:48,705 Yeah, right, because I'm going to need it for things. 234 00:14:51,542 --> 00:14:53,032 I can't see it here. 235 00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:55,500 What do I do? 236 00:14:56,833 --> 00:14:58,243 Do you want to come look? 237 00:14:59,458 --> 00:15:02,120 Ok, ok. I'll be there in a minute. 238 00:15:02,250 --> 00:15:03,250 Ok. 239 00:16:06,708 --> 00:16:08,699 Fuck, man. 240 00:16:10,333 --> 00:16:11,333 What's up? 241 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,615 You won't believe it, but... 242 00:16:14,750 --> 00:16:18,163 I'll have to grab a blablacar in a bit. I've got a gig. 243 00:16:19,417 --> 00:16:21,248 I really can't be arsed. 244 00:16:24,542 --> 00:16:28,490 I'd stay here for another 17 years. 245 00:16:28,667 --> 00:16:29,667 Me too. 246 00:16:36,083 --> 00:16:37,083 Where's the gig? 247 00:16:37,875 --> 00:16:40,241 It's a drag. Valencia. 248 00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:41,581 I'm from valencia. 249 00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:43,123 I love valencia. 250 00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:46,367 There's no other city like valencia, I love it, really. 251 00:16:47,750 --> 00:16:49,786 Maybe you'll think this is crazy, but 252 00:16:50,458 --> 00:16:51,458 why don't you come? 253 00:16:54,042 --> 00:16:55,953 I haven't seen my parents for ages. 254 00:16:56,042 --> 00:16:57,782 And I've never used blablacar. No? 255 00:16:58,042 --> 00:17:00,249 Well, blablacar is awesome. 256 00:17:00,542 --> 00:17:01,782 The people are nice. 257 00:17:02,125 --> 00:17:04,992 I'll be there soon. I'm in the car. 258 00:17:06,250 --> 00:17:09,242 No, no, pilu, I'm not wearing my seat belt, pilu. 259 00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:11,036 That's for girls. 260 00:17:11,167 --> 00:17:12,327 Isn't it a bit gay? 261 00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:17,448 I can't wait to get there and get on the mojitos! 262 00:17:17,542 --> 00:17:20,614 You have to meet luana, my new Filipino maid. 263 00:17:20,750 --> 00:17:22,832 Blablacars are usually more fun. 264 00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:25,495 Her mojitos... Of course, it's a Filipino drink... 265 00:17:26,083 --> 00:17:28,324 What do you mean they're from Cuba? 266 00:17:28,458 --> 00:17:30,414 Well maybe she's Cuban. 267 00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:33,458 What do I know. They're all the same. Right? 268 00:17:40,333 --> 00:17:42,415 - What do you mean? - See you. 269 00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:45,867 Mojito doesn't have gin in it? It's rum? No way! 270 00:17:46,083 --> 00:17:49,746 - Fuck me, what a twat. - No, don't say that, no way. 271 00:17:51,167 --> 00:17:53,579 I'm running late, I'll go straight to the gig. 272 00:17:53,625 --> 00:17:55,741 I'll see my parents and meet you there. 273 00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:57,035 Ok? - 0k, ciao. 274 00:17:57,417 --> 00:17:59,578 But I won't laugh. You're not very funny. 275 00:17:59,667 --> 00:18:01,453 Great. Thanks for that comment. 276 00:18:01,583 --> 00:18:02,583 By the way, 277 00:18:02,750 --> 00:18:04,411 don't bring your parents. 278 00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:07,572 Don't worry, they're more lbsen and Chekhov than monologues. 279 00:18:07,625 --> 00:18:08,705 Stand up comedy. 280 00:18:14,792 --> 00:18:16,532 Hurry up, it's started. 281 00:18:18,167 --> 00:18:19,873 If you don't like it, pretend. 282 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,207 Mario is sensitive about his monologues. 283 00:18:22,250 --> 00:18:25,367 - Don't call them monologues. - It's stand up comedy. 284 00:18:25,542 --> 00:18:29,660 The other day I read something... It was already like that but I... 285 00:18:29,750 --> 00:18:31,081 Come on, over there. 286 00:18:31,250 --> 00:18:33,707 Did you know there is a minimum legal age 287 00:18:33,833 --> 00:18:37,246 to have sexual relations with consent? 288 00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:40,245 Careful! That was "con-sent", not "con-tempt". 289 00:18:40,333 --> 00:18:42,244 I don't give a damn who you take to bed! 290 00:18:42,375 --> 00:18:44,707 But that got me thinking. 291 00:18:44,792 --> 00:18:46,828 So, is there a legal minimum age 292 00:18:46,958 --> 00:18:49,244 to have sexual relations without consent? 293 00:18:49,375 --> 00:18:50,535 Careful, eh? 294 00:18:50,875 --> 00:18:53,116 Careful, we're in murky waters here, 295 00:18:53,208 --> 00:18:55,119 swampy, full of crap... careful. 296 00:18:55,875 --> 00:18:57,615 I'm imagining two guys saying: 297 00:18:57,708 --> 00:18:59,244 "They've reduced the minimum age 298 00:18:59,333 --> 00:19:01,164 for sexual relations without consent?" 299 00:19:01,250 --> 00:19:02,250 "What, really?" 300 00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:05,242 "Yes, they've reduced it from 90 to 87". 301 00:19:05,333 --> 00:19:06,333 Then he says: 302 00:19:09,125 --> 00:19:11,457 "Blimey, I'm going to shag my grandpa". 303 00:19:16,458 --> 00:19:19,700 Careful with the agua de valencia, it's deceptive. 304 00:19:20,375 --> 00:19:21,706 Agua: Water, 305 00:19:21,833 --> 00:19:24,199 it's in the name: Water. It's juice, vitamins. 306 00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:26,536 Drink up. It goes down really easily. 307 00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,782 By the way, sorry if before, 308 00:19:29,875 --> 00:19:31,331 on stage, 309 00:19:32,125 --> 00:19:34,036 I said anything inappropriate... 310 00:19:34,250 --> 00:19:36,457 I didn't know Olivia was bringing you. 311 00:19:36,542 --> 00:19:39,614 Mario, Olivia's previous boyfriends were a dj, 312 00:19:39,708 --> 00:19:43,121 an expert in car tuning and someone called culebra. 313 00:19:43,208 --> 00:19:45,324 Cobra! His name was cobra, mum. 314 00:19:45,583 --> 00:19:47,744 Look, you can do what you want up there. 315 00:19:47,833 --> 00:19:50,495 You could kill a polar bear on stage 316 00:19:50,625 --> 00:19:54,243 and I swear you'd still be the best boyfriend Olivia's ever had. 317 00:19:54,333 --> 00:19:56,198 It's nice to know I've got such a... 318 00:19:56,333 --> 00:19:57,333 Wide margin. 319 00:19:57,375 --> 00:20:00,037 Shall I show you my childhood bedroom? 320 00:20:00,125 --> 00:20:03,083 What? Perhaps it's not the time? 321 00:20:03,167 --> 00:20:05,078 It's as good as any other. 322 00:20:05,167 --> 00:20:06,452 Come on, hurry. 323 00:20:08,167 --> 00:20:09,532 - No, no. - Yes. 324 00:20:11,458 --> 00:20:12,743 They can hear. 325 00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:26,163 No, you! I want to continue being your best boyfriend! 326 00:20:26,583 --> 00:20:29,575 Don't worry! You should have met culebra! 327 00:20:29,625 --> 00:20:31,161 You've still got a huge margin! 328 00:20:31,250 --> 00:20:33,787 - But, who is culebra? - Cobra! Cobra! 329 00:20:39,042 --> 00:20:41,533 Listen oli, I want to tell you something. 330 00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:42,447 What? 331 00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:44,328 This is a bit strange, 332 00:20:44,417 --> 00:20:46,874 but it's not the drink. Did you hear that? 333 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:51,573 - No. So, the last few days... - Shh. 334 00:20:58,708 --> 00:21:00,494 A kitten. 335 00:21:00,667 --> 00:21:01,667 Look at that. 336 00:21:01,708 --> 00:21:05,656 Wit barstard drapped ye aff? 337 00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:07,865 Why are you talking like that? 338 00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:11,614 It's a Scottish cat. He obviously miaows Scottish. 339 00:21:11,708 --> 00:21:12,823 Reit, Bonnie laddie? 340 00:21:13,417 --> 00:21:16,124 There's no excuse for abandoning an animal. 341 00:21:16,458 --> 00:21:17,573 No matter how ugly. 342 00:21:17,875 --> 00:21:19,490 Don't say that to the cat. 343 00:21:19,583 --> 00:21:21,073 I'm not saying it to him. 344 00:21:21,250 --> 00:21:23,081 Plus, he doesn't understand me, right? 345 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:26,410 What's up, little guy? 346 00:21:27,792 --> 00:21:29,328 Perhaps I should adopt him. 347 00:21:29,417 --> 00:21:31,373 No, no. I'm going to adopt him. 348 00:21:31,708 --> 00:21:33,790 - Why don't we both adopt him? - Hello. 349 00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:36,240 Then we'd have to live together, 350 00:21:36,375 --> 00:21:39,037 I don't want him growing up in a dysfunctional family. 351 00:21:44,542 --> 00:21:45,542 Better? 352 00:21:45,708 --> 00:21:47,244 What? Well... 353 00:21:48,375 --> 00:21:49,865 His name will be schrodinger. 354 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:50,614 What? 355 00:21:50,708 --> 00:21:52,118 Schrédinger's cat 356 00:21:53,333 --> 00:21:56,245 schradinger did an experiment to explain quantum physics. 357 00:21:56,417 --> 00:21:57,827 There's a cat in a box 358 00:21:57,958 --> 00:22:00,665 with a vial of poison, and the vial could break or not. 359 00:22:00,750 --> 00:22:04,618 So, before you open the box, the cat may be both alive and dead. 360 00:22:04,750 --> 00:22:07,537 That's why they called it schrédinger's cat. 361 00:22:07,833 --> 00:22:10,165 How long ago was this experiment? 362 00:22:10,833 --> 00:22:12,164 I don't know. 80 years? 363 00:22:12,250 --> 00:22:15,083 Well, the answer is the cat is dead. 364 00:22:17,333 --> 00:22:19,870 He thinks he's funnay, but he's Bonnie. 365 00:22:20,042 --> 00:22:20,872 Yoo'll see, 366 00:22:21,042 --> 00:22:23,784 no, seriously, don't give the cat a freaky name. 367 00:22:24,125 --> 00:22:25,740 They'll pick on him at school, 368 00:22:25,833 --> 00:22:27,664 steal his snacks at playtime... 369 00:22:27,750 --> 00:22:29,240 Do you have a better idea? 370 00:22:29,333 --> 00:22:30,869 Well, I was thinking... 371 00:22:36,958 --> 00:22:39,825 No, it's a horrible name. 372 00:22:40,083 --> 00:22:43,120 Yer nam is schrédinger, isnae ret, Bonnie laddie? 373 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,831 I've got a title for my play. 374 00:22:52,208 --> 00:22:53,072 What is it? 375 00:22:53,208 --> 00:22:55,620 A Saturday in July in the back seat of a blue Volvo, 376 00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:59,030 how I lost my virginity with my cousin and what I learnt that night. 377 00:22:59,583 --> 00:23:00,583 What's it about? 378 00:23:01,542 --> 00:23:04,033 You're so funny! You should be a comedian. 379 00:23:04,250 --> 00:23:06,582 Listen, I've got a joke, see if you laugh. 380 00:23:06,750 --> 00:23:07,580 Let's hear it. 381 00:23:07,750 --> 00:23:10,708 Do you know why they call it the wonderbra? 382 00:23:10,875 --> 00:23:12,331 Because when you take it off, 383 00:23:12,500 --> 00:23:14,240 you wonder where her tits went! 384 00:23:15,208 --> 00:23:16,208 Very funny. 385 00:23:16,417 --> 00:23:18,658 And a perfect example of micro-sexism. 386 00:23:18,875 --> 00:23:19,875 Right. 387 00:23:32,542 --> 00:23:34,783 Someone's about to break your favourite mug. 388 00:23:34,875 --> 00:23:38,242 - No, schrodinger. - Schrédinger. 389 00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:40,032 - How do you say "no"? - My love. 390 00:23:43,042 --> 00:23:44,042 What a guy! 391 00:23:44,625 --> 00:23:47,697 He responds to "my love". Couldn't you just eat him? 392 00:23:48,250 --> 00:23:51,208 Mylove, can ye listen tae me. 393 00:23:51,500 --> 00:23:53,832 Please can ye push wi' yer paw 394 00:23:53,958 --> 00:23:56,574 Mario's mug oan th' fluir? 395 00:23:57,792 --> 00:23:58,998 What did you say? 396 00:24:01,250 --> 00:24:02,250 Ah! 397 00:24:03,333 --> 00:24:04,573 Thanks, my love. 398 00:24:04,625 --> 00:24:06,707 I didn't really like that mug. 399 00:24:09,542 --> 00:24:10,577 I'm going for a shower. 400 00:24:11,583 --> 00:24:12,583 Ok. 401 00:24:14,833 --> 00:24:16,664 Oli, have you seen my trousers? 402 00:24:16,750 --> 00:24:18,240 On top of your suitcase. 403 00:24:19,542 --> 00:24:20,542 Ah, ok. 404 00:24:23,542 --> 00:24:26,409 I'm going to have to learn Scottish, eh? 405 00:24:26,875 --> 00:24:27,875 Ok. 406 00:24:28,625 --> 00:24:30,581 Don't worry if you hear shoots. 407 00:24:30,958 --> 00:24:32,494 Imagine it's a ceilidh. 408 00:24:32,958 --> 00:24:35,244 Three, two... 409 00:24:38,333 --> 00:24:39,333 Mario. 410 00:24:46,167 --> 00:24:48,078 I found this plastic spider. 411 00:24:48,250 --> 00:24:51,572 Do you know anything about it? Maybe it's mylove's. 412 00:24:51,708 --> 00:24:54,370 Did you think I'd be scared of a plastic spider? 413 00:24:54,458 --> 00:24:57,074 Because girls are scared of spiders, right? 414 00:24:57,208 --> 00:24:59,574 Honestly, you've opened my eyes. 415 00:24:59,792 --> 00:25:01,328 The things I learn from you. 416 00:25:01,417 --> 00:25:03,203 I'm off, I've got that casting. 417 00:25:03,250 --> 00:25:04,535 How do I look? 418 00:25:05,875 --> 00:25:06,955 Fabulous. 419 00:25:07,167 --> 00:25:08,167 Great. 420 00:25:20,167 --> 00:25:21,532 Son of a bitch! 421 00:25:23,583 --> 00:25:25,119 There's hundreds of them. 422 00:25:25,208 --> 00:25:27,620 I hope you appreciate it, it cost me a fortune. 423 00:25:27,708 --> 00:25:28,948 Wish me luck. 424 00:25:29,042 --> 00:25:30,122 Good luck! 425 00:25:30,208 --> 00:25:33,826 Working on the tele is selling yourself! You bastard, I love you. 426 00:25:34,875 --> 00:25:38,163 I love you too, nutcase. 427 00:25:46,833 --> 00:25:54,833 Graceful lady from malaga 428 00:25:55,167 --> 00:26:01,037 I wish I could kiss your lips 429 00:26:01,542 --> 00:26:04,500 I wish I could kiss your lips 430 00:26:04,667 --> 00:26:07,704 graceful lady from mala... 431 00:26:19,417 --> 00:26:22,989 We use people as if they're the latest model of mobile phone. 432 00:26:23,458 --> 00:26:25,619 "I'm replacing you with a newer model". 433 00:26:26,125 --> 00:26:29,197 And you can't get angry, we both knew it would happen. 434 00:26:29,583 --> 00:26:31,869 It's the programmed obsolescence of love. 435 00:26:33,250 --> 00:26:35,115 Is there any other choice? 436 00:26:35,583 --> 00:26:38,780 We don't look for a partner, we look for a trophy. 437 00:26:39,417 --> 00:26:41,373 Physical, economic, intellectual... 438 00:26:43,375 --> 00:26:45,331 We want to be a Bob Dylan song 439 00:26:45,542 --> 00:26:47,658 but we write poetry like a kid. 440 00:26:48,708 --> 00:26:50,323 We want to go to the Taj Mahal 441 00:26:51,750 --> 00:26:53,581 on our minimum wage salary. 442 00:26:56,250 --> 00:26:58,115 All love stories 443 00:26:59,667 --> 00:27:01,453 are ghost stories. 444 00:27:11,583 --> 00:27:13,073 You didn't like it, right? 445 00:27:14,208 --> 00:27:17,041 The short time I managed to keep my eyes open, yes. 446 00:27:17,208 --> 00:27:19,324 The two main characters were naked. 447 00:27:19,417 --> 00:27:22,614 I don't know how they managed to make that so boring. 448 00:27:22,708 --> 00:27:23,823 It's not sexual. 449 00:27:23,958 --> 00:27:26,199 They're naked so you focus on the person. 450 00:27:26,250 --> 00:27:30,118 Of course. Well, her, yes, she was very good. 451 00:27:30,208 --> 00:27:31,243 She was great. Oli! 452 00:27:31,458 --> 00:27:32,743 Eva! 453 00:27:33,875 --> 00:27:34,875 Thanks for coming. 454 00:27:35,125 --> 00:27:35,989 I loved it! 455 00:27:36,125 --> 00:27:37,125 - Really? - Really. 456 00:27:37,208 --> 00:27:38,948 - It was a gamble... - It's amazing. 457 00:27:39,042 --> 00:27:40,248 Yes? Thanks. 458 00:27:40,375 --> 00:27:42,206 - This is Mario, my boyfriend. - Hi! 459 00:27:42,250 --> 00:27:43,581 - Hi. - Nice to meet you. 460 00:27:43,750 --> 00:27:45,615 I didn't recognise you with clothes on. 461 00:27:47,250 --> 00:27:49,741 And the fact that you were both naked, 462 00:27:49,833 --> 00:27:53,405 there were no sexual connotations or anything, not at all. 463 00:27:53,875 --> 00:27:56,708 I thought the plot was really courageous. 464 00:27:56,792 --> 00:27:58,157 And the poster is cool. 465 00:27:58,250 --> 00:28:01,572 If you've got any left, perhaps I could have one... 466 00:28:01,667 --> 00:28:03,623 Stop me before I say anything else. 467 00:28:03,708 --> 00:28:05,494 I'll let you know if there's any left. 468 00:28:05,583 --> 00:28:08,780 - 0k, cool, right? The poster. - Hey, Matt. 469 00:28:09,042 --> 00:28:10,782 Hi, Olivia. Thanks for coming. 470 00:28:13,125 --> 00:28:14,615 It was beautiful. 471 00:28:14,833 --> 00:28:16,164 - Thanks. - Honestly. 472 00:28:17,958 --> 00:28:19,698 This is Mario, my boyfriend. 473 00:28:20,083 --> 00:28:22,244 - Hi, what's up? - Hi, a pleasure, Mario. 474 00:28:22,333 --> 00:28:23,823 I really liked the piece. 475 00:28:24,083 --> 00:28:28,247 I mean, the play, the Taj Mahal. Really cool, I really enjoyed it. 476 00:28:32,542 --> 00:28:33,622 He's very funny. 477 00:28:36,333 --> 00:28:39,370 Every love story is a ghost story. 478 00:28:39,833 --> 00:28:41,539 That has stayed with me, Matt. 479 00:28:41,583 --> 00:28:45,451 The story came to me while in India, contemplating the Taj Mahal. 480 00:28:45,542 --> 00:28:46,873 I'd love to see it. 481 00:28:47,125 --> 00:28:48,240 You don't need to go. 482 00:28:48,375 --> 00:28:51,538 There are loads of videos and documentaries on the net, 483 00:28:51,583 --> 00:28:53,665 on YouTube: "The Taj Mahal and love", 484 00:28:53,833 --> 00:28:57,325 "ghosts of the Taj Mahal", there must be hundreds of them. 485 00:28:57,417 --> 00:28:58,873 It just takes one click. 486 00:28:59,417 --> 00:29:02,659 Well you should go. Change your perspective of things. 487 00:29:02,875 --> 00:29:06,197 Mario doesn't like travelling. He prefers the telly. 488 00:29:06,417 --> 00:29:09,079 I don't understand why we admire buildings. 489 00:29:09,250 --> 00:29:12,492 The Taj Mahal. I don't see the romance in it. 490 00:29:12,667 --> 00:29:15,739 The emperor shah had it built for one of his wives 491 00:29:15,875 --> 00:29:18,708 and when it was done, he removed the architects' eyes 492 00:29:18,792 --> 00:29:20,703 so they'd never build anything again. 493 00:29:20,792 --> 00:29:23,704 Super romantic. I just want to drop my knickers. 494 00:29:23,792 --> 00:29:25,328 - I had no idea. - Well yes. 495 00:29:25,417 --> 00:29:27,032 It's one of his monologues. 496 00:29:28,042 --> 00:29:30,499 I was going to marry a friend for citizenship. 497 00:29:31,042 --> 00:29:33,408 For our honeymoon, we wanted to help 498 00:29:33,500 --> 00:29:35,206 children with leprosy in India. 499 00:29:36,958 --> 00:29:41,031 My friend died, but I decided to go on the trip. 500 00:29:41,250 --> 00:29:43,741 That's where I wrote the play, in homage to her. 501 00:29:47,417 --> 00:29:49,032 You should have said that first. 502 00:29:52,583 --> 00:29:53,583 No! 503 00:29:59,667 --> 00:30:01,203 Bloody black humour. 504 00:30:03,542 --> 00:30:04,748 Well... well... 505 00:30:06,125 --> 00:30:07,456 Speak soon, ok? 0k, 506 00:30:08,583 --> 00:30:10,369 - well... - Nice to meet you. 507 00:30:10,458 --> 00:30:11,458 Congratulations. 508 00:30:11,583 --> 00:30:13,574 - Liked it a lot. - Thank you. 509 00:30:13,625 --> 00:30:14,705 Thanks for coming. 510 00:30:14,875 --> 00:30:17,082 - Thank you. - Let's all meet up one day. 511 00:30:17,250 --> 00:30:18,740 - Ok, ciao. - Bye. 512 00:30:18,958 --> 00:30:19,958 Hey, Matt. 513 00:30:20,167 --> 00:30:22,249 It's been a pleasure. Likewise. Ciao. 514 00:30:22,417 --> 00:30:23,623 - Bye. - Ciao. 515 00:30:27,167 --> 00:30:30,830 So, if I had an affair, you would want me to tell you? 516 00:30:31,417 --> 00:30:32,532 Yes, of course. 517 00:30:33,333 --> 00:30:34,789 But I'll tell you now, 518 00:30:34,875 --> 00:30:38,242 if you have an affair, I don't want you to tell me. Understood? 519 00:30:38,458 --> 00:30:39,458 Understood. 520 00:30:39,833 --> 00:30:40,833 Understood? 521 00:30:41,250 --> 00:30:42,706 Yes, I won't tell you. 522 00:30:42,792 --> 00:30:46,205 - No, bad, Olivia, bad! - Bad, what? That's what you want. 523 00:30:46,333 --> 00:30:48,449 That's what I said, not what I want. 524 00:30:48,542 --> 00:30:50,328 If I know you won't tell me, 525 00:30:50,417 --> 00:30:52,578 how will I relax in this relationship? 526 00:30:52,625 --> 00:30:55,037 You could have a lover and I wouldn't know. 527 00:30:55,500 --> 00:30:57,991 What I wanted was for you to say 528 00:30:58,083 --> 00:30:59,368 that you would tell me, 529 00:30:59,458 --> 00:31:01,870 but that you know you shouldn't tell me. 530 00:31:02,500 --> 00:31:05,242 That's the only way I'll know that if you say nothing 531 00:31:05,333 --> 00:31:06,613 it's because nothing's happened. 532 00:31:06,667 --> 00:31:08,703 But, if something happened and you didn't say, 533 00:31:08,792 --> 00:31:10,828 I would think that nothing had happened. 534 00:31:11,958 --> 00:31:15,155 Do you realise how convoluted that sounds? 535 00:31:15,333 --> 00:31:17,870 Well, yes. It's a little convoluted, 536 00:31:18,125 --> 00:31:19,990 but it's compelling logic. 537 00:31:21,500 --> 00:31:24,367 That evil looking roller coaster is convoluted. 538 00:31:24,458 --> 00:31:27,074 There's no way in hell I'd get on that. 539 00:31:27,250 --> 00:31:31,243 No, no, no. Mario! 540 00:31:37,708 --> 00:31:39,073 It's coming! 541 00:32:03,958 --> 00:32:06,995 I want it to end! I want it to be over! 542 00:32:20,333 --> 00:32:22,949 I want to break up! What? 543 00:32:29,250 --> 00:32:31,161 I think we should leave it. 544 00:32:32,333 --> 00:32:34,824 - What? - I want us to break up. 545 00:32:41,583 --> 00:32:44,416 I'm just no good for long term relationships. 546 00:32:46,083 --> 00:32:48,995 Sorry, I've tried, but I can't, I can't do it. 547 00:32:49,833 --> 00:32:52,575 I feel the need to meet other girls, 548 00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:55,991 but I can't, you're stopping me. 549 00:32:58,750 --> 00:33:03,244 Just the thought that we'll spend the rest of our lives together, 550 00:33:04,875 --> 00:33:06,365 stops me from breathing. 551 00:33:07,250 --> 00:33:10,822 I'm asking myself is this it? Have we reached our limit? 552 00:33:12,583 --> 00:33:15,746 For the first few months, just seeing you was like a drug. 553 00:33:17,500 --> 00:33:18,865 This is terrible, but... 554 00:33:19,875 --> 00:33:22,708 If I want to feel like how I felt in the beginning, 555 00:33:22,792 --> 00:33:24,578 I need to meet new people. 556 00:33:26,250 --> 00:33:27,865 I'm not prepared for this. 557 00:33:32,792 --> 00:33:33,792 You fell for it? 558 00:33:37,042 --> 00:33:40,455 Ladies and gentlemen, and the Oscar goes to...! 559 00:33:43,167 --> 00:33:45,874 Thank you very much, my beloved audience, 560 00:33:46,167 --> 00:33:48,704 for supporting me, you've always been there, 561 00:33:48,958 --> 00:33:50,573 honestly, it's been pleasure. 562 00:33:51,250 --> 00:33:52,706 Do you find this funny, scumbag? 563 00:33:52,792 --> 00:33:55,864 Very. But don't get too close, I peed myself before... 564 00:33:57,667 --> 00:33:59,658 Can we go around again? Please. 565 00:34:07,583 --> 00:34:08,743 How do I look? 566 00:34:11,333 --> 00:34:13,995 Wow, girl. You look amazing. 567 00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:15,785 Are you going out? 568 00:34:15,875 --> 00:34:16,875 Didn't I tell you? 569 00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:18,865 I'm replacing Eva in Matt's play. 570 00:34:20,250 --> 00:34:21,831 No, you didn't tell me. 571 00:34:22,083 --> 00:34:24,244 But, that's cool, right? 572 00:34:24,458 --> 00:34:28,121 Fantastic, get up there on stage for two hours naked. 573 00:34:28,500 --> 00:34:30,707 I don't know why you're so dressed up, 574 00:34:30,792 --> 00:34:33,408 when you get there you have to take it all off. 575 00:34:33,500 --> 00:34:35,707 Why don't you come to see me? I'm scared. 576 00:34:35,833 --> 00:34:38,620 You'll be a success. You'll see. 577 00:34:38,958 --> 00:34:41,495 Especially with the guys and the lesbians. 578 00:34:42,083 --> 00:34:43,744 Plus, I can't, I've got a gig. 579 00:34:43,833 --> 00:34:45,698 Start late. You could see the first act. 580 00:34:45,792 --> 00:34:48,124 Yeah, right, and watch you naked on stage 581 00:34:48,250 --> 00:34:50,241 with the most attractive guy ever 582 00:34:50,458 --> 00:34:53,996 in front of hundreds of people. Right. Don't be silly. 583 00:34:54,833 --> 00:34:57,245 At most, tens of people. 584 00:34:58,792 --> 00:35:00,578 You're so funny. 585 00:35:00,667 --> 00:35:02,123 Are you a comic now? 586 00:35:05,500 --> 00:35:07,161 Fuck me, I'm really nervous. 587 00:35:07,333 --> 00:35:08,493 Don't worry. 588 00:35:10,833 --> 00:35:14,576 Just think that you're naked and they're dressed. 589 00:35:15,125 --> 00:35:16,786 That's exactly what's wrong. 590 00:35:17,042 --> 00:35:20,000 Yes, I meant to say the opposite. Come here. 591 00:35:21,167 --> 00:35:25,740 Guys, there were ten reservations but there's only one spectator. 592 00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:27,206 Shall we cancel? 593 00:35:27,792 --> 00:35:28,792 Only one? 594 00:35:29,958 --> 00:35:30,958 Let me see. 595 00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:37,864 He's not here. 596 00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:40,036 Of course, he's left too. 597 00:35:41,250 --> 00:35:42,250 Let's cancel. 598 00:35:46,542 --> 00:35:48,658 I've had break ups of all types. 599 00:35:48,750 --> 00:35:50,957 I remember when I was with rocio, 600 00:35:51,042 --> 00:35:52,042 I had to leave her 601 00:35:52,125 --> 00:35:55,572 because she called me by my name when we were making love. 602 00:35:55,958 --> 00:35:56,572 She'd say: 603 00:35:56,667 --> 00:35:59,659 "Sorry, I called you Mario, forgive me", crying. 604 00:35:59,792 --> 00:36:01,328 "But my name is Mario!". 605 00:36:02,583 --> 00:36:05,416 She says: "I was referring to another Mario". 606 00:36:06,625 --> 00:36:10,243 But now I'm in love and it's amazing. 607 00:36:12,083 --> 00:36:13,994 But it's also a pain in the ass! 608 00:36:14,458 --> 00:36:16,790 Because in the end, everything goes wrong. 609 00:36:16,875 --> 00:36:19,867 Couples are always destined to break up. 610 00:36:20,125 --> 00:36:21,581 I don't know, for example, 611 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:23,661 - are you two a couple? - Yes. 612 00:36:23,750 --> 00:36:25,991 Yes? Well, you'll break up, sorry. 613 00:36:26,208 --> 00:36:29,245 Do you want to do it here, so we can all have a laugh? No? 614 00:36:29,625 --> 00:36:32,412 Sorry if I'm a bit pessimistic, but it's like that. 615 00:36:32,500 --> 00:36:34,786 I think the only way a couple can end well 616 00:36:34,958 --> 00:36:36,789 is if one of them dies in time. 617 00:36:38,417 --> 00:36:41,250 Just think: Romeo and Juliet, Titanic... 618 00:36:41,417 --> 00:36:43,157 They both fitted on that board, 619 00:36:43,250 --> 00:36:46,162 but Leonardo DiCaprio wanted to leave it on a high. 620 00:36:46,250 --> 00:36:47,786 He didn't want, 20 years later, 621 00:36:47,958 --> 00:36:50,415 to get it in the neck about the toilet seat. 622 00:37:45,875 --> 00:37:47,160 What are you doing there? 623 00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:52,456 I was thinking that... 624 00:37:53,833 --> 00:37:56,825 As we're getting on so well and we're in a good place, 625 00:37:58,083 --> 00:38:01,655 wouldn't it be great to leave it now, and take the happy memories. 626 00:38:02,333 --> 00:38:03,573 What are you saying? 627 00:38:06,875 --> 00:38:10,038 I was watching your monologue, but I left. 628 00:38:10,667 --> 00:38:13,033 I didn't like the bit about couples ending badly. 629 00:38:13,833 --> 00:38:17,496 But I said that because it was a great lead into my joke, but... 630 00:38:17,583 --> 00:38:18,868 You seemed genuine. 631 00:38:19,375 --> 00:38:20,660 Perhaps you're right. 632 00:38:21,333 --> 00:38:22,823 I think you're a great guy, 633 00:38:23,083 --> 00:38:24,789 I'd like to stay friends, but... 634 00:38:24,875 --> 00:38:27,241 What will I think of you in six months? 635 00:38:27,375 --> 00:38:28,375 Or you of me. 636 00:38:28,583 --> 00:38:29,993 Maybe not six, maybe two. 637 00:38:30,083 --> 00:38:33,246 I'm sure you'll start to see faults in me that you didn't see before. 638 00:38:36,417 --> 00:38:39,033 Wouldn't it be better to avoid all that suffering? 639 00:38:39,708 --> 00:38:41,699 No. No, it wouldn't be better. 640 00:38:42,083 --> 00:38:44,244 I'd rather go through that suffering. 641 00:38:48,167 --> 00:38:49,247 You fell for it! 642 00:38:49,750 --> 00:38:51,160 Ah, fuck me. 643 00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:56,332 Bloody hell, find your own jokes! 644 00:38:57,333 --> 00:38:59,995 I don't know what I'd do if you left me. 645 00:39:00,083 --> 00:39:02,074 I'd go help kids with leprosy. 646 00:39:02,167 --> 00:39:03,623 Become some kind of cliché. 647 00:39:03,708 --> 00:39:04,993 I'm not leaving you. 648 00:39:05,167 --> 00:39:07,579 And you can't leave me, so there's no problem. 649 00:39:10,125 --> 00:39:11,956 Why can't I leave you? 650 00:39:12,167 --> 00:39:15,239 That's simple, you couldn't live without mylove. 651 00:39:15,458 --> 00:39:17,540 He could live with both of us. 652 00:39:17,583 --> 00:39:19,574 A couple of months with you and a couple with me. 653 00:39:19,792 --> 00:39:21,498 No, mylove stays with me. 654 00:39:21,583 --> 00:39:24,040 Let's stop talking about who would keep mylove, 655 00:39:24,125 --> 00:39:25,990 we could break up over this nonsense. 656 00:39:26,167 --> 00:39:28,249 But I found him. 657 00:39:28,500 --> 00:39:30,616 You could visit him whenever you wanted. 658 00:39:30,833 --> 00:39:34,246 You know there are lawyers that specialise in custody of pets. 659 00:39:34,458 --> 00:39:36,665 Yeah, but you won't call one, 660 00:39:36,750 --> 00:39:38,240 that would be ridiculous. 661 00:39:38,333 --> 00:39:42,246 No, no. Well, unless you forced me into it, of course. 662 00:39:44,458 --> 00:39:48,121 - But we're not going to break up. - No, we won't break up. 663 00:39:48,542 --> 00:39:51,409 Of course not. But if we did break up... 664 00:39:51,583 --> 00:39:53,164 - We're not going to. - No. 665 00:39:54,167 --> 00:39:55,452 But he'd stay with me. 666 00:40:04,083 --> 00:40:06,119 For the well being of the cat, 667 00:40:06,208 --> 00:40:09,245 my client suggests he spends a season with each of his guardians. 668 00:40:10,250 --> 00:40:12,241 Are you really doing this to me? 669 00:40:21,333 --> 00:40:23,540 My client requests custody in the summer 670 00:40:23,583 --> 00:40:26,575 because you get naked in the heat 671 00:40:26,708 --> 00:40:29,575 and the tattoo on your left buttock scares the cat. 672 00:40:38,083 --> 00:40:39,664 I've split up with my girl. 673 00:40:39,833 --> 00:40:42,620 It's very complicated because we have a cat. 674 00:40:43,083 --> 00:40:44,744 We have shared custody. 675 00:40:45,417 --> 00:40:48,864 But it's just not the same anymore, now it gets it's claws out, 676 00:40:49,042 --> 00:40:51,408 it hisses at me, it doesn't eat... 677 00:40:51,750 --> 00:40:53,615 But it's normal, she's my ex. 678 00:40:55,417 --> 00:40:57,658 But with the cat, great. We get on well. 679 00:40:57,750 --> 00:41:00,708 The problem is she used to talk to him in Scottish, 680 00:41:00,792 --> 00:41:02,532 I don't understand a thing. 681 00:41:02,667 --> 00:41:05,079 When I see the pair of them talking, 682 00:41:05,208 --> 00:41:08,200 I ask the cat what they're saying and he looks at me like: 683 00:41:08,333 --> 00:41:11,530 "Our stuff". Dornt listen, it's nae worth it. 684 00:41:11,583 --> 00:41:14,996 He doesn't like me being nosy because curiosity killed the cat. 685 00:41:15,083 --> 00:41:16,083 - Hello. - Mario, no! 686 00:41:16,167 --> 00:41:17,532 I'm here for mylove. 687 00:41:17,875 --> 00:41:20,742 You can't come in without knocking. Give me the keys. 688 00:41:21,750 --> 00:41:24,822 I think someone is having a hard time getting over someone. 689 00:41:27,792 --> 00:41:30,329 I've come for mylove. This isn't your house. 690 00:41:30,458 --> 00:41:31,458 Fine, ok, 691 00:41:31,542 --> 00:41:32,542 understood. 692 00:41:33,167 --> 00:41:34,167 Where is he? 693 00:41:36,375 --> 00:41:38,081 - Mylove. - Mylove? 694 00:41:38,750 --> 00:41:40,411 Mylove, whaur ur ye? 695 00:41:42,167 --> 00:41:43,167 Mylove... 696 00:41:44,042 --> 00:41:45,042 What's going on? 697 00:41:45,375 --> 00:41:46,375 Mylove! 698 00:41:47,375 --> 00:41:49,707 - Whaur ur ye, mylove? - Whaur are you? 699 00:41:49,833 --> 00:41:50,833 Whaur ur ye? 700 00:41:51,208 --> 00:41:52,243 Whaur are you? 701 00:41:54,333 --> 00:41:55,368 Whaur are you? 702 00:41:56,042 --> 00:42:00,536 Lost my love responds to Scottish 703 00:42:11,958 --> 00:42:14,449 It's ridiculous, Olivia. "Lost mylove". 704 00:42:14,708 --> 00:42:17,825 You could have put something else. He only responds to "mylove". 705 00:42:18,083 --> 00:42:22,372 But you could have put "missing cat" or "lost cat" and the name underneath. 706 00:42:22,458 --> 00:42:25,996 It's like the joke about the dog called titswobble. 707 00:42:26,083 --> 00:42:27,869 "Officer, have you seen mylove?" 708 00:42:29,167 --> 00:42:31,579 Do you talk about our break up in your monologue? 709 00:42:33,583 --> 00:42:34,583 Yes, a hit. 710 00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:38,456 You're on the telly a lot. 711 00:42:40,083 --> 00:42:43,871 Stand up involves talking about your life, and yes, I mention... 712 00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:45,786 - Things about us. - Yeah. 713 00:42:46,542 --> 00:42:49,454 But everyone has their own version of events. 714 00:42:51,500 --> 00:42:52,500 I suppose so. 715 00:43:02,417 --> 00:43:03,417 "Lost mylove". 716 00:43:03,750 --> 00:43:04,750 Are you ok? 717 00:43:05,167 --> 00:43:06,657 I really miss mylove. 718 00:43:07,542 --> 00:43:09,578 - Your girlfriend or the cat? - Yes. 719 00:43:12,708 --> 00:43:14,039 - Hello? - Hello. 720 00:43:14,458 --> 00:43:16,323 I'm calling about the lost cat. 721 00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:20,242 Yes, but it's a real cat that's called mylove. 722 00:43:20,417 --> 00:43:22,157 It's not a marketing campaign. 723 00:43:22,250 --> 00:43:23,535 No, we've found him. 724 00:43:23,708 --> 00:43:26,620 We're sure it's the one in the photo. Really? 725 00:43:27,250 --> 00:43:28,660 - Are you sure? - Yes, 726 00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:30,331 ok, I'll come over. 727 00:43:30,583 --> 00:43:32,574 They've got him. Yes! Go! 728 00:43:33,083 --> 00:43:37,122 This is Olivia. Don't leave a message, I won't listen to it. 729 00:43:52,167 --> 00:43:53,202 Mylove! 730 00:43:56,792 --> 00:43:59,033 Where were you, rascal? 731 00:43:59,583 --> 00:44:02,040 You've already spent 6 lives, don't risk it. 732 00:44:05,500 --> 00:44:07,661 Thanks a lot for calling. Really. 733 00:44:08,583 --> 00:44:10,369 - What are your names? - Mabel. 734 00:44:10,667 --> 00:44:11,326 Marian. 735 00:44:11,625 --> 00:44:12,625 Mabel and Marian. 736 00:44:13,375 --> 00:44:14,375 I'm Mario. 737 00:44:14,875 --> 00:44:15,875 So... 738 00:44:17,583 --> 00:44:18,789 He's super cute. 739 00:44:19,708 --> 00:44:21,699 We were hoping you wouldn't answer. 740 00:44:22,125 --> 00:44:22,739 Right. 741 00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:24,365 So, I was thinking... 742 00:44:24,500 --> 00:44:26,081 Do you have some kind of... 743 00:44:26,458 --> 00:44:28,119 Ring or... 744 00:44:28,542 --> 00:44:31,124 Something original, that's not like a ring. 745 00:44:31,208 --> 00:44:32,208 For your girlfriend? 746 00:44:35,667 --> 00:44:38,500 Siri, how do you say "bloody cat" in a Scottish accent? 747 00:44:40,708 --> 00:44:41,708 Bludy moggie. 748 00:44:41,792 --> 00:44:43,407 That's right, bludy moggie. 749 00:44:43,542 --> 00:44:44,827 You're a bludy moggie. 750 00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:09,000 Hello? 751 00:45:10,208 --> 00:45:10,788 Hello. 752 00:45:11,208 --> 00:45:15,497 - Why don't you call first? - I was calling but you didn't answer. 753 00:45:15,583 --> 00:45:19,030 - It's not a good time. We'll talk later. - No, it's important. 754 00:45:19,208 --> 00:45:20,869 We need to buy shampoo. 755 00:45:25,958 --> 00:45:27,038 Hey Mario. 756 00:45:27,250 --> 00:45:28,250 What's up, Matt? 757 00:45:31,750 --> 00:45:32,455 And... 758 00:45:32,583 --> 00:45:33,868 What are you doing here? 759 00:45:37,708 --> 00:45:39,414 Have you still not told him? 760 00:45:40,833 --> 00:45:42,869 Sorry you have to find out like this... 761 00:45:43,833 --> 00:45:46,199 Olivia and I are going to get married. 762 00:45:50,708 --> 00:45:51,708 What's he saying? 763 00:45:52,583 --> 00:45:54,414 We're getting married for citizenship. 764 00:45:55,542 --> 00:45:58,830 - Why "citizenship" in quotations? - I meant "married". 765 00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:02,366 And you didn't think to tell me? 766 00:46:03,417 --> 00:46:06,033 It's hard to find the right time to say it. 767 00:46:06,125 --> 00:46:07,490 Yes, it's true. 768 00:46:07,792 --> 00:46:11,660 It happens to me. I had surgery, I used to be a woman. Very tall. 769 00:46:11,750 --> 00:46:13,615 I never found he right time to tell you. 770 00:46:13,708 --> 00:46:15,244 I'll leave you alone. 771 00:46:15,417 --> 00:46:16,417 Mario, 772 00:46:16,500 --> 00:46:20,573 they ask so many questions to ensure it's not a marriage of convenience. 773 00:46:21,083 --> 00:46:22,243 So you're telling me 774 00:46:22,542 --> 00:46:25,579 that immigration is forcing you to fuck each other. 775 00:46:25,667 --> 00:46:27,453 Matt and I live together. 776 00:46:27,708 --> 00:46:30,324 We may have had a thing or two, but as friends. 777 00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:32,740 The typical fuckmate/hushand? 778 00:46:32,875 --> 00:46:36,072 Why are we talking about this. Why are you here? Leave. 779 00:46:36,167 --> 00:46:38,579 I don't know why he needs citizenship. 780 00:46:38,708 --> 00:46:39,743 I'm from Argentina. 781 00:46:40,500 --> 00:46:41,500 No way. 782 00:46:42,083 --> 00:46:43,869 Since when are Argentinians... 783 00:46:44,042 --> 00:46:45,623 Now you're racist too? 784 00:46:45,750 --> 00:46:46,990 Leave, please. 785 00:46:47,125 --> 00:46:50,242 I came to talk about the cat. Do you remember our cat? 786 00:46:50,375 --> 00:46:51,581 You don't have an accent. 787 00:46:51,625 --> 00:46:54,492 - Shall I put one on? - What's wrong with mylove? 788 00:46:54,667 --> 00:46:55,782 He's been found. 789 00:46:56,083 --> 00:46:59,450 - Why didn't you say? - I got sidetracked by your wedding news. 790 00:46:59,542 --> 00:47:00,247 Where is he? 791 00:47:00,375 --> 00:47:02,832 - Mario, where is mylove? - Dead, ok? 792 00:47:03,417 --> 00:47:04,577 The cat is dead. 793 00:47:10,167 --> 00:47:11,167 I'm sorry. 794 00:47:11,667 --> 00:47:13,032 It's better if I leave. 795 00:47:17,792 --> 00:47:18,792 Come here. 796 00:47:48,750 --> 00:47:50,240 What the hell have I done? 797 00:47:50,500 --> 00:47:51,990 Wit th' heel hae ah dain? 798 00:47:57,500 --> 00:47:58,535 Alright, I see. 799 00:48:00,875 --> 00:48:01,955 Your nationality? 800 00:48:02,250 --> 00:48:03,250 Spanish. 801 00:48:03,375 --> 00:48:05,240 - And your partner? - Argentina. 802 00:48:06,333 --> 00:48:08,494 What is your partner's star sign? 803 00:48:08,708 --> 00:48:09,708 Really? 804 00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:11,000 Yes. 805 00:48:12,042 --> 00:48:13,042 Pisces. 806 00:48:13,125 --> 00:48:14,125 Taurus. 807 00:48:14,250 --> 00:48:15,581 Imagine her temperament. 808 00:48:16,708 --> 00:48:19,780 What are the names of the parents of your future spouse? 809 00:48:20,542 --> 00:48:22,203 I call them "mum and dad". 810 00:48:26,708 --> 00:48:28,699 William... William and Marina. 811 00:48:31,583 --> 00:48:33,574 What side of the bed does he sleep on? 812 00:48:33,667 --> 00:48:34,998 Is that really a question? 813 00:48:35,417 --> 00:48:36,577 Please, answer. 814 00:48:36,958 --> 00:48:37,958 On the left. 815 00:48:38,208 --> 00:48:40,665 Although the other day, he fell asleep on top. 816 00:48:54,708 --> 00:48:58,951 When you finish a relationship and you're a real man 817 00:48:59,042 --> 00:49:01,374 you want your partner to be ok, 818 00:49:01,583 --> 00:49:04,575 that she's alright, but not amazing. 819 00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:08,742 Should she find love? Yes. You want her to find love, 820 00:49:08,833 --> 00:49:12,325 but with an average guy, an insurance salesman, 821 00:49:12,417 --> 00:49:15,409 with a bit of a belly, side parting, called Tony. 822 00:49:15,500 --> 00:49:18,697 At best, he's a stamp collector. That's all. 823 00:49:20,958 --> 00:49:23,370 We all want a Tony for our exes. 824 00:49:23,708 --> 00:49:25,573 But that doesn't always happen. 825 00:49:29,542 --> 00:49:33,410 My ex had the great idea of getting together with 826 00:49:33,500 --> 00:49:35,456 a black, Argentinian engineer. 827 00:49:36,958 --> 00:49:38,744 You're thinking the same as me. 828 00:49:39,042 --> 00:49:40,623 A black Argentinian? 829 00:49:41,500 --> 00:49:43,616 I didn't know they existed. How exotic. 830 00:49:43,708 --> 00:49:46,324 You should see him. He's 6 foot 2, 831 00:49:46,875 --> 00:49:48,831 flawless skin, by the way, 832 00:49:49,208 --> 00:49:50,698 and he works for a charity. 833 00:49:51,708 --> 00:49:56,327 He could sing you a tango, brew you a mate, or help children with leprosy. 834 00:49:56,542 --> 00:49:58,157 I want to fuck him too. 835 00:49:58,458 --> 00:50:01,325 - What are you doing? - Can you use headphones? 836 00:50:01,500 --> 00:50:02,865 I'm using headphones, smart ass. 837 00:50:04,125 --> 00:50:06,457 They work better if you connect them, smart ass. 838 00:50:12,583 --> 00:50:15,199 A Saturday in July in the back seat of a blue Volvo 839 00:50:15,250 --> 00:50:18,492 how I lost my virginity with my cousin and what I learnt that night 840 00:50:19,708 --> 00:50:22,074 we've got Mario laguna here with us. 841 00:50:22,208 --> 00:50:24,449 Your film is off the charts. 842 00:50:24,583 --> 00:50:26,119 You play a guy 843 00:50:26,208 --> 00:50:28,574 who loses his memory before his wedding. 844 00:50:28,625 --> 00:50:31,332 Well, basically, he receives a blow to the head 845 00:50:31,875 --> 00:50:32,875 and... 846 00:50:34,208 --> 00:50:35,618 And well, in my case... 847 00:50:35,708 --> 00:50:39,530 As much as I've tried, and as many blows as I've given myself, 848 00:50:39,625 --> 00:50:42,082 there's someone I just can't forget. 849 00:50:44,542 --> 00:50:47,124 Let's continue with the programme, the opening of the play: 850 00:50:47,333 --> 00:50:49,324 “You're quite funny for a woman”. 851 00:50:49,417 --> 00:50:51,624 It's not irony, it's the title of a monologue. 852 00:50:51,708 --> 00:50:54,575 Tonight in the luchana theatre at quarter past ten. 853 00:51:01,417 --> 00:51:03,999 You didn't imagine your first time like that. 854 00:51:05,083 --> 00:51:06,323 I really didn't, 855 00:51:07,083 --> 00:51:08,448 but I've learnt something. 856 00:51:11,667 --> 00:51:12,952 What have you learnt? 857 00:51:13,583 --> 00:51:15,574 That Volvo seats 858 00:51:16,208 --> 00:51:17,243 are very uncomfortable. 859 00:51:18,083 --> 00:51:19,789 I also learnt something. 860 00:51:20,625 --> 00:51:23,116 Virginity is like a bubble, one prick and it's gone. 861 00:51:23,583 --> 00:51:27,030 - What? That wasn't in the script. - They've finally laughed. 862 00:51:43,500 --> 00:51:44,500 Hae ye seen? 863 00:51:44,750 --> 00:51:46,160 See hoo Bonnie Olivia is. 864 00:51:50,167 --> 00:51:52,078 Wit ur you doing, scoundrel? 865 00:51:52,167 --> 00:51:54,328 You liked her photo. 866 00:51:54,667 --> 00:51:56,658 Why do you do these things, scoundrel? 867 00:51:57,250 --> 00:51:58,660 Because... 868 00:51:58,875 --> 00:52:00,786 You're a scoundrel. Is that how I say it? 869 00:52:00,875 --> 00:52:02,536 Or do I have to buy a dictionary? 870 00:52:18,583 --> 00:52:20,699 It's really uncomfortable to read it like this. 871 00:52:20,792 --> 00:52:22,703 I want to see your reactions. 872 00:52:22,792 --> 00:52:25,829 Or you could tell me you like it, even if it was shit. 873 00:52:26,125 --> 00:52:27,160 Ah, alright. 874 00:52:27,583 --> 00:52:29,119 Thankfully, I've finished 875 00:52:29,250 --> 00:52:30,250 and? 876 00:52:31,833 --> 00:52:32,993 I like it. 877 00:52:33,250 --> 00:52:33,830 Yes. 878 00:52:34,250 --> 00:52:35,865 The characters... 879 00:52:36,250 --> 00:52:38,582 They're both idiots, in a good way, I mean. 880 00:52:38,667 --> 00:52:40,874 They could be any one of us. 881 00:52:41,583 --> 00:52:43,824 They're nice but very childish, 882 00:52:43,958 --> 00:52:46,995 you can't get angry with them even though you hate them. 883 00:52:47,250 --> 00:52:49,707 It could be called "story of two idiots". 884 00:52:50,125 --> 00:52:52,411 I told you it's autobiographical, right? 885 00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:54,365 Yes? No... 886 00:52:55,042 --> 00:52:57,704 It's sad they don't work it out, and that the cat dies. 887 00:52:57,792 --> 00:52:59,999 That's life. We can discuss the end. 888 00:53:00,125 --> 00:53:02,036 The important thing is it's great, 889 00:53:02,125 --> 00:53:03,786 and I can't wait to direct it. 890 00:53:04,250 --> 00:53:06,081 The actors are going to love it. 891 00:53:06,250 --> 00:53:08,491 You could win an Oscar with these roles. 892 00:53:08,583 --> 00:53:10,494 Like Tom Hanks for Forrest Gump. 893 00:53:10,958 --> 00:53:13,700 You should be nicer to me, I could spit in your beer. 894 00:53:14,833 --> 00:53:16,118 You wouldn't do that. 895 00:53:18,125 --> 00:53:20,161 You're going to scatter the ashes 896 00:53:20,250 --> 00:53:22,707 that they gave you in the pet crematorium. 897 00:53:22,833 --> 00:53:25,040 You're in the countryside. 898 00:53:25,250 --> 00:53:27,411 It's romantic and sad at the same time. 899 00:53:27,500 --> 00:53:29,161 - That has to show. - Yes. 900 00:53:29,375 --> 00:53:31,707 - Beautiful. - Right... 901 00:53:37,125 --> 00:53:38,956 "Do you think this is a good place 902 00:53:39,042 --> 00:53:42,034 to throw mylove's ashes into the wind?" 903 00:53:42,792 --> 00:53:45,249 "Why is there a fag end in mylove's ashes?" 904 00:53:46,333 --> 00:53:48,699 "Perhaps... he was a secret smoker". 905 00:53:52,125 --> 00:53:53,490 Just a minute, Raul. 906 00:53:57,167 --> 00:53:58,167 I'll kill him! 907 00:53:59,625 --> 00:54:01,832 He's a like a kick in the stomach. 908 00:54:02,458 --> 00:54:04,119 Perhaps he could be the cat. 909 00:54:05,625 --> 00:54:07,365 We need to find someone else. 910 00:54:08,042 --> 00:54:09,623 Ok. Just one thing... 911 00:54:12,417 --> 00:54:13,953 I'm going for a cigarette. 912 00:54:14,250 --> 00:54:16,332 Ok? Raul, start warming up. 913 00:54:16,708 --> 00:54:17,823 Warm up, yes. 914 00:54:20,458 --> 00:54:22,414 "Perhaps he was a secret smoker". 915 00:54:23,167 --> 00:54:25,078 It's was the fag end, right? 916 00:54:25,250 --> 00:54:26,615 Ok, ok, ok. 917 00:54:37,083 --> 00:54:39,074 Blinking heck! 918 00:54:45,583 --> 00:54:47,949 "Double delicacies, with ocean fish 919 00:54:48,083 --> 00:54:49,994 in a sauce with spinach". 920 00:54:50,583 --> 00:54:51,789 Shit, man, 921 00:54:52,167 --> 00:54:53,703 your cat eats better than me. 922 00:54:54,375 --> 00:54:55,375 It's not my cat 923 00:54:55,625 --> 00:54:56,956 and yes, indeed, 924 00:54:57,333 --> 00:54:58,698 it eats better than me. 925 00:54:59,542 --> 00:55:01,248 I tried one of these cans 926 00:55:01,333 --> 00:55:02,823 and I started to purr. 927 00:55:03,208 --> 00:55:05,824 I'll swap it for a cigarette. No, this is free. 928 00:55:07,458 --> 00:55:08,948 I'm Dani, nice to meet you. 929 00:55:09,375 --> 00:55:11,616 - I'm a talent agent. - Ernesto, 930 00:55:11,875 --> 00:55:13,786 I started directing a play today. 931 00:55:14,667 --> 00:55:16,578 Who is the caviar for? 932 00:55:17,583 --> 00:55:19,414 Mario laguna, he lives nearby. 933 00:55:19,875 --> 00:55:21,615 Mario laguna lives here? 934 00:55:21,875 --> 00:55:25,367 Give him the script and convince him to play the lead role. 935 00:55:25,458 --> 00:55:28,655 He's perfect, famous, charismatic, he speaks well... 936 00:55:29,708 --> 00:55:31,244 Mmm yummy. 937 00:55:32,417 --> 00:55:35,329 The guy who wrote wedding salad has given us a script. 938 00:55:35,583 --> 00:55:37,619 - Alright. - I laughed a lot. 939 00:55:37,792 --> 00:55:40,955 It's not your usual mind swap story. 940 00:55:41,250 --> 00:55:43,832 You have a hamster called socks. 941 00:55:44,083 --> 00:55:46,244 - Socks? - Yes, the hamster. 942 00:55:46,458 --> 00:55:49,416 You're fed up with work, with your girlfriend... 943 00:55:49,542 --> 00:55:53,831 And you're jealous of socks, always so chilled on his wheel. 944 00:55:54,083 --> 00:55:57,405 And on one stormy night, you look at him and say: 945 00:55:57,708 --> 00:55:59,994 "I wish I could swap with you". 946 00:56:00,708 --> 00:56:01,708 What happens? 947 00:56:01,875 --> 00:56:03,706 You swap minds! 948 00:56:03,833 --> 00:56:06,370 Wow! I didn't see that coming! Well, well... 949 00:56:06,625 --> 00:56:08,035 What a script! 950 00:56:09,250 --> 00:56:10,956 It's a challenge, 951 00:56:11,333 --> 00:56:13,824 you'd have to do the hamster voice, 952 00:56:14,208 --> 00:56:17,120 act like a human, but with the mind of a hamster. 953 00:56:17,792 --> 00:56:20,329 I know lots of people like that. 954 00:56:21,542 --> 00:56:22,542 And this script? 955 00:56:22,583 --> 00:56:25,950 It's not a script, it's a play. I met the director. 956 00:56:26,042 --> 00:56:28,533 They're rehearsing here, in that fleapit. 957 00:56:28,875 --> 00:56:30,035 When I told him 958 00:56:30,250 --> 00:56:33,663 you live here, he started seeing dollar signs. 959 00:56:33,958 --> 00:56:34,958 Yeah, I bet... 960 00:56:35,583 --> 00:56:38,700 Actually, I wouldn't mind doing some theatre. 961 00:56:39,333 --> 00:56:39,947 Theatre? 962 00:56:40,167 --> 00:56:42,328 Have you ever seen a play in your life? 963 00:56:42,417 --> 00:56:44,123 I've seen loads of plays. 964 00:56:44,458 --> 00:56:48,076 In fact, I'm a fan of antonin artaud and the theatre of cruelty. 965 00:56:48,375 --> 00:56:51,447 Antonin artaud? You just made that name up. 966 00:56:55,458 --> 00:56:56,573 My lost love? 967 00:56:58,625 --> 00:57:00,161 "I don't like travelling". 968 00:57:00,625 --> 00:57:02,490 "Do you know the taj matal..." No, 969 00:57:02,792 --> 00:57:03,792 "the.. M 970 00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:05,706 "do you know the takh..." 971 00:57:06,042 --> 00:57:07,373 "The tal..." 972 00:57:07,667 --> 00:57:08,827 "The tal mahalk? 973 00:57:09,167 --> 00:57:10,828 People think it's romantic, 974 00:57:11,583 --> 00:57:12,242 but... 975 00:57:12,375 --> 00:57:13,410 It was a gift... 976 00:57:13,583 --> 00:57:14,948 From... from tan shan... 977 00:57:15,083 --> 00:57:16,243 The emperor shan..." 978 00:57:16,542 --> 00:57:18,032 No, " shan... shan... 979 00:57:18,208 --> 00:57:19,539 Jahan... jahan shaja... 980 00:57:19,708 --> 00:57:21,573 For his emperor..." No, his wife. 981 00:57:21,667 --> 00:57:24,033 The other one. "His favourite wife..." 982 00:57:24,125 --> 00:57:25,490 "The Taj Mahal 983 00:57:25,667 --> 00:57:28,249 was a gift from the great emperor shah jahan 984 00:57:28,417 --> 00:57:30,123 to his favourite wife." 985 00:57:30,500 --> 00:57:31,990 Do we have an aide? 986 00:57:32,375 --> 00:57:35,117 People say "how romantic". But I don't see it. 987 00:57:35,208 --> 00:57:36,789 When, to build this palace, 988 00:57:36,958 --> 00:57:40,030 they had to kill 20,000 slaves, and the architects 989 00:57:40,208 --> 00:57:41,448 had their eyes removed. 990 00:57:41,583 --> 00:57:44,780 That makes him the lowest of ass kissers in history. 991 00:57:46,125 --> 00:57:47,240 What are you doing here? 992 00:57:47,792 --> 00:57:49,874 You know I'm a fan of the theatre. 993 00:57:50,542 --> 00:57:52,453 Can we talk for a minute? 994 00:57:52,667 --> 00:57:55,579 I moan? You're the one allergic to the life. 995 00:57:55,792 --> 00:57:57,703 - Do you know what else? - What? 996 00:57:58,417 --> 00:58:01,250 - I'm a drunk? You're the drunk! - Can we smoke here? 997 00:58:01,458 --> 00:58:03,995 Olivia doesn't let us. Better that than a twat! 998 00:58:04,208 --> 00:58:06,324 You've written a play about us 999 00:58:06,417 --> 00:58:09,705 and you don't tell me. You talk us in your comedy monologues. 1000 00:58:09,792 --> 00:58:11,999 Why did you put "monologues" in quotations? 1001 00:58:12,083 --> 00:58:14,324 I made a mistake! I meant "comedy"! 1002 00:58:14,458 --> 00:58:17,700 Look, this is bullshit, it's a delusion, ok? 1003 00:58:19,500 --> 00:58:21,331 You're ripping it up. Very good. 1004 00:58:24,625 --> 00:58:27,207 I didn't know the play was about Mario. 1005 00:58:27,250 --> 00:58:29,832 It's destiny, he has to play the lead role. 1006 00:58:30,583 --> 00:58:32,073 He won't play that role. 1007 00:58:32,250 --> 00:58:36,619 - You can only do it if I play the lead. - Now you think you're an actor? 1008 00:58:36,708 --> 00:58:40,576 Of course, I'm a professional actor. I live from my work. 1009 00:58:40,958 --> 00:58:44,576 In the same way we can say that you're a professional waitress. 1010 00:58:49,625 --> 00:58:51,161 - Are you the director? - Yes. 1011 00:58:51,250 --> 00:58:53,616 When is rehearsal? I'll be half an hour early. 1012 00:58:53,708 --> 00:58:56,120 At nine. I'll be half an hour late. 1013 00:58:58,625 --> 00:59:01,367 He's not going to be in my play. Put out the fag! 1014 00:59:02,208 --> 00:59:03,208 It's our story. 1015 00:59:03,333 --> 00:59:06,575 It's like the dialogues have been transcribed. 1016 00:59:06,792 --> 00:59:08,578 And it makes me look an idiot. 1017 00:59:09,250 --> 00:59:10,865 How did she manage that? 1018 00:59:11,667 --> 00:59:14,204 I don't understand who would be interested. 1019 00:59:14,333 --> 00:59:15,038 Well, 1020 00:59:15,208 --> 00:59:18,371 you talk about it in your monologues. It's not the same. 1021 00:59:18,500 --> 00:59:19,956 No? It's not the same. 1022 00:59:26,625 --> 00:59:28,240 Are you Mario laguna? What? 1023 00:59:28,625 --> 00:59:30,240 Can we have a photo with you? 1024 00:59:30,583 --> 00:59:31,583 - Of course. - Yes. 1025 00:59:31,667 --> 00:59:33,953 Come on... Mario laguna. The legend. 1026 00:59:35,583 --> 00:59:37,244 It's to screw over my boyfriend. 1027 00:59:38,125 --> 00:59:39,865 - Another. - We're going to a party. 1028 00:59:40,000 --> 00:59:41,115 Do you want to come? 1029 00:59:41,500 --> 00:59:44,412 Well, it's just, we're up early tomorrow. 1030 00:59:45,583 --> 00:59:48,325 We wanted an early night. Well... 1031 00:59:48,625 --> 00:59:51,207 Hang on... not early, early. 1032 00:59:52,042 --> 00:59:53,407 He's not even an actor! 1033 00:59:53,583 --> 00:59:56,416 He's a professional actor. We're waiters. 1034 00:59:56,542 --> 00:59:57,952 Stop saying that! 1035 00:59:58,042 --> 01:00:01,239 Listen, if Mario is in it, we could do it here. 1036 01:00:04,208 --> 01:00:05,208 Here? 1037 01:00:09,583 --> 01:00:13,622 - Fuck, Mario, wake up! - Who are you? What day is it? What time? 1038 01:00:13,708 --> 01:00:16,700 You're supposed to be a serious actor today, remember? 1039 01:00:17,375 --> 01:00:20,572 Your first rehearsal started half an hour ago. 1040 01:00:20,833 --> 01:00:22,824 Give me five minutes, please. 1041 01:00:23,542 --> 01:00:24,998 Danny, it's Mario, 1042 01:00:25,458 --> 01:00:26,458 listen, 1043 01:00:26,875 --> 01:00:29,036 I may not want to get up tomorrow 1044 01:00:29,333 --> 01:00:31,665 so do whatever you need to wake me up. 1045 01:00:32,583 --> 01:00:36,121 With the power that semi-sober Mario granted me... 1046 01:00:37,250 --> 01:00:39,366 - Watch out! - Fuck, keep it down! 1047 01:00:39,500 --> 01:00:41,832 Fuck! Not like that! Not like that! 1048 01:00:42,500 --> 01:00:43,500 Mario, 1049 01:00:43,583 --> 01:00:44,583 not like that. 1050 01:00:44,708 --> 01:00:45,708 Not like that. 1051 01:00:49,125 --> 01:00:51,241 - Are you sure you're ok? - Yes. 1052 01:00:51,375 --> 01:00:53,161 Yeah, I'm fine, thanks. Perfect. 1053 01:00:53,667 --> 01:00:55,999 Ok, let's start! Go to page 15. 1054 01:00:56,542 --> 01:00:58,533 The first day and he has a hangover. 1055 01:01:10,042 --> 01:01:12,579 I preferred your look in the other play. 1056 01:01:14,667 --> 01:01:16,703 Could you start reading, please? 1057 01:01:20,833 --> 01:01:22,619 "I think I've drunk too much". 1058 01:01:23,167 --> 01:01:24,327 "Did you hear that? 1059 01:01:24,958 --> 01:01:26,164 I think it's a cat. 1060 01:01:28,250 --> 01:01:29,456 Kitty! 1061 01:01:30,125 --> 01:01:32,537 What bastard abandoned you?" 1062 01:01:33,708 --> 01:01:36,541 "There's no excuse for abandoning an animal. 1063 01:01:37,625 --> 01:01:39,240 He's an ugly bastard". 1064 01:01:39,542 --> 01:01:40,952 You have to project. 1065 01:01:41,417 --> 01:01:43,499 Ernesto can't hear you. 1066 01:01:45,250 --> 01:01:46,786 Tell him to come closer. 1067 01:01:47,000 --> 01:01:49,958 The whole theatre has to hear you. Project! 1068 01:01:50,208 --> 01:01:52,950 "There's no excuse for abandoning an animal". 1069 01:01:53,208 --> 01:01:54,208 Louder. 1070 01:01:55,042 --> 01:01:58,580 "There's no excuse for abandoning an animal". 1071 01:01:58,875 --> 01:02:00,615 "You're a bloody spoiler machine 1072 01:02:00,708 --> 01:02:03,074 the red wedding, twin peaks and now the book". 1073 01:02:03,167 --> 01:02:05,829 "I ruined Hamlet for you?" "I didn't know ofelia died." 1074 01:02:05,958 --> 01:02:08,244 I thought you knew because it's bloody Hamlet 1075 01:02:08,333 --> 01:02:10,494 after 400 years, it's not a spoiler... 1076 01:02:10,583 --> 01:02:14,326 "Stop denying me things! You do it on purpose, to show me up. 1077 01:02:14,417 --> 01:02:15,748 You know I haven't read it". 1078 01:02:15,833 --> 01:02:17,164 "Prepare yourself, 1079 01:02:17,250 --> 01:02:20,617 because sleeping beauty wakes up and Romeo and Juliet die". 1080 01:02:20,792 --> 01:02:23,158 "I know, I saw the film". 1081 01:02:24,250 --> 01:02:26,582 This didn't really happen. Right... 1082 01:02:27,000 --> 01:02:30,492 - Sorry, what did you say? - Can you project a bit more? 1083 01:02:33,708 --> 01:02:37,121 "You won't believe it. I've found my favourite childhood film. 1084 01:02:40,542 --> 01:02:42,828 Cucumber fest in the girl's school", 1085 01:02:42,958 --> 01:02:44,664 you have to project your voice. 1086 01:02:45,375 --> 01:02:47,832 Sorry, Mario, we all have to hear you. 1087 01:02:48,125 --> 01:02:50,457 The voice has to come from your stomach. 1088 01:02:51,667 --> 01:02:52,782 It's not that easy. 1089 01:02:52,875 --> 01:02:56,948 Imagine that it starts in your stomach and comes out from your mouth. 1090 01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:01,616 "Cucumber fest in the girl's school”. 1091 01:03:02,000 --> 01:03:04,332 That's it, very good, fantastic. 1092 01:03:07,333 --> 01:03:09,449 So, what role am I playing? 1093 01:03:12,583 --> 01:03:15,495 Let's go to the famous scene about the pill-head cat. 1094 01:03:15,583 --> 01:03:18,950 Mylove had to take a tablet for his kidneys. 1095 01:03:21,125 --> 01:03:24,663 Come on, mylove. Tak' th' tablet, it's guid fur ye. 1096 01:03:25,167 --> 01:03:26,167 Come on. 1097 01:03:26,250 --> 01:03:29,117 The drug addict cat hitting all the clubs. 1098 01:03:30,792 --> 01:03:32,578 It's fur yer kidney, mylove. 1099 01:03:32,958 --> 01:03:33,958 Come on... 1100 01:03:36,125 --> 01:03:37,160 Let's see, oli, 1101 01:03:37,875 --> 01:03:38,875 don't worry. 1102 01:03:39,583 --> 01:03:40,698 Let's think, 1103 01:03:41,083 --> 01:03:44,951 what's the best way to make someone take a pill? 1104 01:03:46,750 --> 01:03:48,240 Listening to dance music. 1105 01:03:49,250 --> 01:03:51,866 Dae ye want th' pill? 1106 01:03:57,708 --> 01:03:59,164 The first one is free. 1107 01:05:11,125 --> 01:05:12,865 You two are really going for it. 1108 01:05:13,375 --> 01:05:15,616 This has been oddly good, let's move on. 1109 01:05:15,708 --> 01:05:17,323 Fuck me stanislavski. 1110 01:05:17,792 --> 01:05:20,158 If you relax, the audience relaxes. 1111 01:05:20,625 --> 01:05:21,625 Oli, 1112 01:05:22,375 --> 01:05:23,490 we need to talk. 1113 01:05:23,583 --> 01:05:25,244 Alright, I'm off. 1114 01:05:25,583 --> 01:05:27,574 I wanted to tell you something too. 1115 01:05:39,792 --> 01:05:41,453 I don't know how to say this. 1116 01:05:41,708 --> 01:05:44,074 The day I told you that mylove died, 1117 01:05:44,667 --> 01:05:47,830 I was at your house because I wanted to tell you something. 1118 01:05:47,958 --> 01:05:51,576 But Matt was there naked and... He was wearing trousers. 1119 01:05:52,542 --> 01:05:55,830 - In my head he was naked. - I'm going to marry Matt. 1120 01:05:56,208 --> 01:05:57,208 You're kidding? 1121 01:05:57,750 --> 01:05:58,865 With the black guy? 1122 01:05:59,583 --> 01:06:01,619 I'll pretend I didn't hear that. 1123 01:06:02,167 --> 01:06:04,408 We're taking the immigration test again. 1124 01:06:06,667 --> 01:06:08,999 And like last time, you didn't tell me. 1125 01:06:09,125 --> 01:06:11,582 You didn't want me to tell you, remember? 1126 01:06:13,167 --> 01:06:14,167 Alright. 1127 01:06:14,250 --> 01:06:15,250 Ok. 1128 01:06:16,708 --> 01:06:18,619 You wanted to tell me something? 1129 01:06:20,000 --> 01:06:21,490 No, no... nothing. 1130 01:06:22,458 --> 01:06:23,573 Nothing at all. 0k. 1131 01:06:23,833 --> 01:06:26,449 Fancy it? Impossible, I'm really busy. 1132 01:06:26,542 --> 01:06:29,739 - Not even a quick half? - I'm stupidly busy today. 1133 01:06:29,833 --> 01:06:30,572 Another day. 1134 01:06:30,625 --> 01:06:32,616 - Fine, see you. - Bye. 1135 01:06:32,958 --> 01:06:34,949 Eva, are you busy tonight? 1136 01:06:35,500 --> 01:06:36,500 No, why? 1137 01:06:36,583 --> 01:06:39,495 I'm a bit rusty on a few scenes, 1138 01:06:39,708 --> 01:06:41,244 perhaps you could help me? 1139 01:06:41,625 --> 01:06:43,411 I've got whisky at home. 1140 01:06:43,583 --> 01:06:46,996 That would help you really get into the character of Olivia. 1141 01:06:48,667 --> 01:06:49,406 Alright... 1142 01:06:49,667 --> 01:06:50,667 Why not? 1143 01:06:51,083 --> 01:06:52,083 Why not? 1144 01:06:52,875 --> 01:06:54,615 How cute. What's his name? 1145 01:06:55,750 --> 01:06:56,750 Socks. 1146 01:06:57,000 --> 01:06:59,491 - Socks? - Yes, he likes them a lot. 1147 01:06:59,583 --> 01:07:00,789 He gobbles them up. 1148 01:07:04,083 --> 01:07:06,324 The thing between you and Olivia is bizarre. 1149 01:07:06,417 --> 01:07:07,417 Bizarre, why? 1150 01:07:07,625 --> 01:07:09,240 She's decided to marry Matt, 1151 01:07:09,375 --> 01:07:11,081 and I wish them all the best. 1152 01:07:14,333 --> 01:07:16,995 We've drunk half a bottle and we haven't even started. 1153 01:07:19,375 --> 01:07:20,535 Well, test me. 1154 01:07:20,792 --> 01:07:23,454 Read any page, I know it all. 0k, 1155 01:07:29,458 --> 01:07:31,870 "Olivia laughs, looks at Mario and they kiss". 1156 01:07:35,875 --> 01:07:38,241 But, did you read that page... 1157 01:07:38,708 --> 01:07:40,699 By chance or...? 1158 01:07:41,167 --> 01:07:42,703 I'm almost completely sure. 1159 01:07:56,542 --> 01:07:57,542 Olivia... 1160 01:07:59,375 --> 01:08:00,615 My name's Eva. 1161 01:08:00,875 --> 01:08:02,581 Or are we still rehearsing? 1162 01:08:20,708 --> 01:08:23,040 When did your partner last menstruate? 1163 01:08:24,083 --> 01:08:25,083 What? 1164 01:08:27,208 --> 01:08:29,415 Sorry, sorry, that wasn't for you. 1165 01:08:31,333 --> 01:08:33,039 Does your fiancé have tattoos? 1166 01:08:33,542 --> 01:08:34,201 Yes. 1167 01:08:34,417 --> 01:08:36,499 She's got a sexy one on her hip. 1168 01:08:37,083 --> 01:08:38,948 It's sexy because it's on her bum. 1169 01:08:39,667 --> 01:08:41,783 It's Karl Marx in a heart. 1170 01:08:42,583 --> 01:08:43,948 It scares me a lot. 1171 01:09:00,375 --> 01:09:02,616 Socks won't stop looking at my bum. 1172 01:09:04,583 --> 01:09:06,949 He misses Carlos Marx. 1173 01:09:07,500 --> 01:09:08,500 Who? 1174 01:09:09,250 --> 01:09:10,250 Nevermind. 1175 01:09:10,542 --> 01:09:11,542 Go on, get oot. 1176 01:09:11,583 --> 01:09:12,789 Get oot. Oot. 1177 01:09:15,042 --> 01:09:16,327 Is that Irish? 1178 01:09:17,125 --> 01:09:18,581 No, it's Scottish. 1179 01:09:19,958 --> 01:09:20,958 Right. 1180 01:09:22,583 --> 01:09:26,451 This test is to identify whether this is a marriage of convenience. 1181 01:09:27,250 --> 01:09:28,456 It is not a joke. 1182 01:09:28,542 --> 01:09:30,703 What marriage isn't for convenience? 1183 01:09:30,875 --> 01:09:33,457 If you marry for citizenship it's illegal. 1184 01:09:33,542 --> 01:09:35,624 But if you're hung like a horse? 1185 01:09:36,083 --> 01:09:37,493 Isn't that for convenience? 1186 01:09:37,583 --> 01:09:39,494 We only want to know 1187 01:09:40,000 --> 01:09:41,160 is if you're in love. 1188 01:09:41,250 --> 01:09:43,707 Do you realise how arrogant that sounds? 1189 01:09:44,542 --> 01:09:48,581 Isn't it reason enough to fall in love because that person needs you? 1190 01:09:51,625 --> 01:09:53,411 I honestly don't know. 1191 01:09:53,500 --> 01:09:55,707 Or fall in love because they make you laugh? 1192 01:09:56,125 --> 01:09:56,989 Or get it wrong 1193 01:09:57,125 --> 01:09:59,161 and choose an idiot for a partner. 1194 01:09:59,458 --> 01:10:01,699 Isn't that our most personal right? 1195 01:10:04,083 --> 01:10:07,155 - Of course it's our right. - Of course. 1196 01:10:07,250 --> 01:10:09,707 I need to call Victoria, I'm mad about her. 1197 01:10:09,792 --> 01:10:11,828 - Call Victoria! - She's my sister. 1198 01:10:13,375 --> 01:10:14,160 Yes, 1199 01:10:14,333 --> 01:10:15,333 adopted, ok? 1200 01:10:15,583 --> 01:10:17,039 Love is free. 1201 01:10:17,208 --> 01:10:19,119 Love is free. Excuse me. 1202 01:10:22,333 --> 01:10:23,333 Vicky! 1203 01:10:23,958 --> 01:10:25,243 I love you, Victoria! 1204 01:10:25,833 --> 01:10:27,039 No, no, no, 1205 01:10:27,250 --> 01:10:28,581 I've never been better. 1206 01:10:28,792 --> 01:10:30,077 I'm thinking clearly. 1207 01:10:39,125 --> 01:10:40,240 Do you miss 'er too? 1208 01:10:42,750 --> 01:10:44,786 We'll see her again soon, ah swear. 1209 01:10:46,042 --> 01:10:49,079 I just need th' reit time to tell her you're not kaput. 1210 01:10:50,833 --> 01:10:52,243 I'm sure she'll understand. 1211 01:10:55,042 --> 01:10:56,452 Yeah, you're right, 1212 01:10:58,542 --> 01:10:59,542 she'll kill me. 1213 01:11:00,875 --> 01:11:03,116 But I'll tell her tomorrow, alright? 1214 01:11:08,375 --> 01:11:09,375 Eva. 1215 01:11:09,750 --> 01:11:11,240 I'm going to the theatre. 1216 01:11:11,458 --> 01:11:13,073 Don't leave yet, 1217 01:11:13,167 --> 01:11:16,534 I don't want Olivia to find out, Olivia or anyone else. 1218 01:11:17,583 --> 01:11:20,655 Nobody needs to find out, this is really bad. 1219 01:11:21,667 --> 01:11:23,623 Give me a sign if you're hungover. 1220 01:11:24,458 --> 01:11:26,790 Ok, look, I've brought you an aspirin. 1221 01:11:28,583 --> 01:11:30,744 Take it when you get up. 1222 01:11:31,000 --> 01:11:32,331 And when you leave 1223 01:11:32,875 --> 01:11:35,082 pull the door until it goes "clack", 1224 01:11:35,167 --> 01:11:36,202 then forget it all. 1225 01:11:36,333 --> 01:11:36,947 Alright? 1226 01:11:37,083 --> 01:11:38,198 There's the aspirin. 1227 01:12:05,000 --> 01:12:06,000 Shit. 1228 01:12:07,042 --> 01:12:08,042 Socks. 1229 01:12:09,583 --> 01:12:10,583 Socks. 1230 01:12:13,042 --> 01:12:14,042 Stop, mylove. 1231 01:12:17,833 --> 01:12:20,666 That's it, very good. 1232 01:12:21,083 --> 01:12:22,573 Good boy, good boy. 1233 01:12:22,708 --> 01:12:24,414 Come here, come here. 1234 01:12:25,458 --> 01:12:27,323 So you're mylove. 1235 01:12:29,833 --> 01:12:31,164 My friend! 1236 01:12:34,375 --> 01:12:35,375 Hey! 1237 01:12:35,625 --> 01:12:37,081 Shall we start? 1238 01:12:37,792 --> 01:12:39,578 I don't think so because... 1239 01:12:39,708 --> 01:12:42,245 Eva's not here. I think she's running late. 1240 01:12:42,375 --> 01:12:43,034 Why's that? 1241 01:12:43,375 --> 01:12:45,036 I don't know. The truth is... 1242 01:12:45,125 --> 01:12:47,582 Why are we talking about Eva? What nonsense. 1243 01:12:47,875 --> 01:12:48,990 So... oli, 1244 01:12:49,375 --> 01:12:50,785 I need to tell you something. 1245 01:12:50,875 --> 01:12:53,366 Well, a few things and it's not easy. Mario... 1246 01:12:53,875 --> 01:12:54,875 Please. 1247 01:12:55,500 --> 01:12:57,115 Let me go first, ok? 1248 01:12:57,375 --> 01:12:58,535 The first thing is 1249 01:12:58,667 --> 01:13:00,248 I need you to open your mind 1250 01:13:00,625 --> 01:13:02,991 and secondly, stay calm. 1251 01:13:04,042 --> 01:13:05,828 It's about us and the... 1252 01:13:07,583 --> 01:13:08,583 The? 1253 01:13:10,000 --> 01:13:11,206 Actually? I... 1254 01:13:11,250 --> 01:13:13,662 Let's talk later, alright? A bit... later. 1255 01:13:13,750 --> 01:13:15,581 What... I wanted to say that... 1256 01:13:15,708 --> 01:13:18,780 Sorry for making things difficult, but I think... 1257 01:13:18,958 --> 01:13:22,405 Because I also feel... Of course. Yes, yes, yes. 1258 01:13:22,583 --> 01:13:25,700 Yes, I understand, very interesting, but I have to go. 1259 01:13:25,833 --> 01:13:28,074 Because I've got a situation, a big one. 1260 01:13:28,375 --> 01:13:29,831 - You understand, right? - Yes. 1261 01:13:30,000 --> 01:13:31,115 Yes? Great. 1262 01:13:31,250 --> 01:13:33,241 - So... talk later? - Yes, of course. 1263 01:13:39,500 --> 01:13:40,865 Tell me I'm not paranoid. 1264 01:13:41,042 --> 01:13:42,578 You didn't bring a cat? 1265 01:13:42,708 --> 01:13:44,824 He escaped and the door went "clack". 1266 01:13:46,000 --> 01:13:48,867 - What the hell do we do? - It's Olivia's, right? 1267 01:13:49,583 --> 01:13:50,663 - Both of ours. - Look, 1268 01:13:50,750 --> 01:13:54,618 my hangover is too bad to listen to Olivia shouting when she finds out 1269 01:13:54,708 --> 01:13:55,708 I'm leaving. 1270 01:13:57,167 --> 01:13:57,747 Go for it, 1271 01:13:58,042 --> 01:13:59,042 good luck. 1272 01:14:00,250 --> 01:14:03,162 Stay there, stay thare, thore, thure. 1273 01:14:09,208 --> 01:14:09,867 Hey Ernesto, 1274 01:14:10,042 --> 01:14:13,000 I'm a bit rough. Why don't we cancel the rehearsal? 1275 01:14:13,083 --> 01:14:15,790 We've got it down. Go get a beer, I'll close up. 1276 01:14:16,208 --> 01:14:17,573 It's ten in the morning. 1277 01:14:18,125 --> 01:14:20,116 Ten is the new twelve. 1278 01:14:20,208 --> 01:14:23,700 Stop talking nonsense. Let's see how good this punch bag is. 1279 01:14:29,167 --> 01:14:32,079 - Why don't we leave this for tomorrow? - No way. 1280 01:14:32,208 --> 01:14:33,493 Alright, page 45. 1281 01:14:34,042 --> 01:14:35,042 Come on. 1282 01:14:38,583 --> 01:14:39,583 Come on. 1283 01:14:44,625 --> 01:14:46,081 Wait, wait, wait. 1284 01:14:47,792 --> 01:14:48,792 Remember? 1285 01:14:50,958 --> 01:14:52,619 How could I forget? 1286 01:14:52,833 --> 01:14:54,824 - Let's leave it, no? - Seriously? 1287 01:14:55,750 --> 01:14:57,615 The first thing I learnt to do 1288 01:14:58,000 --> 01:14:59,115 was to sweep 1289 01:14:59,250 --> 01:15:00,330 to iron 1290 01:15:00,417 --> 01:15:02,032 to wash and to sew 1291 01:15:02,458 --> 01:15:04,665 but seeing that these things 1292 01:15:05,250 --> 01:15:06,490 - stop it, eh? - Yes. 1293 01:15:08,125 --> 01:15:09,240 That won't do! 1294 01:15:09,458 --> 01:15:10,823 It'll do - no. 1295 01:15:11,375 --> 01:15:13,115 You stop it. Come on then. 1296 01:15:21,250 --> 01:15:24,572 Considering how much you like drama, you're not so bad at comedy. 1297 01:15:33,583 --> 01:15:35,244 Ah, you're improvising. 1298 01:15:35,583 --> 01:15:38,620 Alright... well, I'm going for a smoke. 1299 01:15:39,042 --> 01:15:40,498 I'll leave you... alone. 1300 01:15:46,792 --> 01:15:47,952 I'm sorry, Olivia, 1301 01:15:48,792 --> 01:15:50,874 sorry for everything that's happened. 1302 01:15:51,208 --> 01:15:52,994 If only it could be like before. 1303 01:15:54,042 --> 01:15:56,579 And there's something I want to tell you... 1304 01:15:56,708 --> 01:15:58,039 I'm sorry too. 1305 01:15:59,583 --> 01:16:02,165 I don't even know why we broke up. 1306 01:16:02,833 --> 01:16:04,869 Because we were scared of breaking up. 1307 01:16:05,000 --> 01:16:06,740 What a fucking stupid reason. 1308 01:16:26,833 --> 01:16:27,833 Oh! 1309 01:16:29,000 --> 01:16:30,080 A cat? 1310 01:16:30,708 --> 01:16:33,666 For a moment I thought it was... He's really similar. 1311 01:16:34,125 --> 01:16:36,366 Kitty, you're the same as mylove. 1312 01:16:37,333 --> 01:16:39,574 There was something I needed to explain, 1313 01:16:39,792 --> 01:16:40,792 but... what? 1314 01:16:41,792 --> 01:16:45,580 Mylove wasn't quite so dead. 1315 01:16:47,208 --> 01:16:49,824 I mean, I made it up a bit. That's mylove? 1316 01:16:51,083 --> 01:16:52,083 Mylove! 1317 01:16:54,500 --> 01:16:55,865 Mylove, is that you? 1318 01:16:57,167 --> 01:16:58,167 Mylove... 1319 01:16:58,708 --> 01:16:59,708 Hello. 1320 01:17:00,792 --> 01:17:01,792 Hello! 1321 01:17:08,375 --> 01:17:09,490 You're a monster! 1322 01:17:14,167 --> 01:17:17,614 It's good news. You used to think he was dead. 1323 01:17:17,708 --> 01:17:18,538 Murderer! 1324 01:17:18,667 --> 01:17:20,498 Yes, murderer, but not for real. 1325 01:17:20,583 --> 01:17:21,789 I messed up, alright. 1326 01:17:22,042 --> 01:17:23,782 We scattered his ashes! 1327 01:17:25,500 --> 01:17:28,412 But isn't it great that he's alive. Think about it! 1328 01:17:32,833 --> 01:17:34,414 I never want to see you again. 1329 01:17:55,583 --> 01:17:57,073 He's in one heck of a coma. 1330 01:17:57,375 --> 01:17:59,491 Not surprising with the blow he took. 1331 01:17:59,667 --> 01:18:00,667 What's his name? 1332 01:18:01,250 --> 01:18:02,250 Mylove. 1333 01:18:02,792 --> 01:18:03,952 He's called mylove. 1334 01:18:04,833 --> 01:18:05,538 Lovely name. 1335 01:18:05,583 --> 01:18:08,996 He responds to mylove, but officially it's schrodinger 1336 01:18:09,083 --> 01:18:11,039 after schrddinger's cat. 1337 01:18:11,208 --> 01:18:12,539 Yes, I got it. 1338 01:18:13,250 --> 01:18:15,161 I have to tell you that... 1339 01:18:16,375 --> 01:18:19,208 There's a 50% chance he won't wake up. 1340 01:18:23,375 --> 01:18:24,990 Like schrddinger's cat. 1341 01:18:27,500 --> 01:18:29,331 I'll let you know if anything changes. 1342 01:18:29,417 --> 01:18:30,076 Excuse me? 1343 01:18:30,417 --> 01:18:32,954 I'll know if anything changes, he's my cat too. 1344 01:18:33,583 --> 01:18:36,370 No, he's not your cat. Forget that. He's mine. 1345 01:18:37,125 --> 01:18:38,490 Talk tomorrow at rehearsals. 1346 01:18:38,583 --> 01:18:41,370 Don't even think about coming. You're out of the play! 1347 01:18:51,792 --> 01:18:55,705 That will be decided by the producer, which, by the way, is me. 1348 01:18:55,833 --> 01:18:58,700 Do you really want this? Do you want to start a war? 1349 01:18:59,000 --> 01:19:00,456 The war has already started. 1350 01:19:00,625 --> 01:19:02,365 I don't want to see you in the theatre. 1351 01:19:02,500 --> 01:19:05,367 Best you don't go there then. Drive. 1352 01:19:15,333 --> 01:19:17,870 Right, now we have a surprise. 1353 01:19:18,000 --> 01:19:20,082 A comedian that is all the rage. 1354 01:19:20,167 --> 01:19:23,125 And today he's bringing us a new style of comedy. 1355 01:19:23,250 --> 01:19:24,250 Hold on tight. 1356 01:19:24,583 --> 01:19:25,583 The great... 1357 01:19:26,708 --> 01:19:28,824 Mario laguna, an applause please! 1358 01:19:46,708 --> 01:19:49,370 Have you ever found yourself entering 1359 01:19:49,708 --> 01:19:51,699 that strange dynamic when 1360 01:19:52,417 --> 01:19:55,705 you try to make life impossible for the person you love the most? 1361 01:19:56,250 --> 01:19:59,742 And she tries to hurt you in every possible way and... 1362 01:20:00,042 --> 01:20:01,703 And you do the same to her. 1363 01:20:02,167 --> 01:20:03,532 But you want it to stop. 1364 01:20:04,542 --> 01:20:07,204 But you only make it worse. 1365 01:20:08,125 --> 01:20:09,240 That happened to me. 1366 01:20:10,542 --> 01:20:14,080 I don't know how we got so low, but... 1367 01:20:14,875 --> 01:20:15,990 The other day 1368 01:20:16,583 --> 01:20:18,244 I drifted off for one minute. 1369 01:20:19,833 --> 01:20:22,199 I swear it was only one minute. 1370 01:20:22,625 --> 01:20:24,957 What are you doing? They're looking for you. 1371 01:20:25,042 --> 01:20:26,042 I'm almost done. 1372 01:20:26,125 --> 01:20:27,331 Done with what? 1373 01:20:29,583 --> 01:20:30,583 Fuck me! 1374 01:20:32,708 --> 01:20:33,788 He'll wake up. 1375 01:20:34,500 --> 01:20:36,832 I put three sleeping pills in his beer. 1376 01:20:44,208 --> 01:20:46,244 Do you know how hard henna is to remove? 1377 01:20:55,667 --> 01:20:57,077 "I think with my dick.” 1378 01:20:59,458 --> 01:21:03,781 You have no idea how difficult it is to remove a henna tattoo. 1379 01:21:04,958 --> 01:21:08,655 I scrubbed my forehead so hard, that it hurts a lot, my forehead. 1380 01:21:10,542 --> 01:21:11,542 I mean, 1381 01:21:11,667 --> 01:21:12,667 it's not that I... 1382 01:21:14,417 --> 01:21:15,532 Have been a Saint. 1383 01:21:15,875 --> 01:21:17,786 Let's go to the first kiss scene. 1384 01:21:17,875 --> 01:21:20,241 Let's see if the false door works. 1385 01:21:22,708 --> 01:21:25,825 That's what I meant when I said Olivia is always angry. 1386 01:21:26,375 --> 01:21:27,375 What's wrong? 1387 01:21:29,875 --> 01:21:30,875 What's wrong? 1388 01:21:33,042 --> 01:21:34,327 And then, the usual. 1389 01:21:34,792 --> 01:21:36,874 Itching powder in underwear, 1390 01:21:37,000 --> 01:21:38,991 salt instead of sugar in coffee... 1391 01:21:40,250 --> 01:21:42,115 It still had a certain humour. 1392 01:21:42,333 --> 01:21:45,450 - This is getting out of hand - Danny, don't worry. 1393 01:21:45,542 --> 01:21:46,782 They're just innocent jokes. 1394 01:21:46,875 --> 01:21:48,365 Come on, take me a photo 1395 01:21:48,708 --> 01:21:51,575 you haven't read one script that I've sent you. 1396 01:21:51,708 --> 01:21:54,324 I'm more focussed on theatre now. 1397 01:21:54,458 --> 01:21:57,780 It's a much superior form of artistic expression. 1398 01:22:00,083 --> 01:22:01,323 What are you doing? 1399 01:22:01,583 --> 01:22:03,119 Take a photo of my asshole. 1400 01:22:04,042 --> 01:22:07,580 Make it as disgusting as you can. Let's see if I have a bad side. 1401 01:22:08,417 --> 01:22:09,577 Mario, for god's sake... 1402 01:22:09,708 --> 01:22:12,415 Olivia always complained she wanted hot pictures 1403 01:22:12,500 --> 01:22:15,822 and I never sent her any. Micro-sexism on my part. 1404 01:22:16,250 --> 01:22:17,250 Go for it. 1405 01:22:19,208 --> 01:22:20,208 Yes? 1406 01:22:20,500 --> 01:22:23,663 Some areas are difficult to illuminate. Turn the flash on. 1407 01:22:30,167 --> 01:22:31,532 All I want is... 1408 01:22:31,708 --> 01:22:32,948 To say sorry 1409 01:22:33,250 --> 01:22:34,581 and to end all this. 1410 01:22:35,583 --> 01:22:39,201 I also want her to say sorry. The same happened to me. 1411 01:22:39,333 --> 01:22:42,245 Excuse me, can you pass this to Mario? 1412 01:22:42,833 --> 01:22:45,199 Damn, I'm inventing a new genre: 1413 01:22:45,667 --> 01:22:46,873 Stand-up drama. 1414 01:22:48,083 --> 01:22:49,083 Here, Mario. 1415 01:22:50,250 --> 01:22:51,250 Thanks. 1416 01:22:53,167 --> 01:22:54,657 Stand-up drama 1417 01:22:56,667 --> 01:23:00,580 consists in standing here saying things that aren't fucking funny. 1418 01:23:02,500 --> 01:23:04,240 I think I've got it nailed. 1419 01:23:08,500 --> 01:23:10,036 Shit! What the hell! 1420 01:23:11,792 --> 01:23:13,328 This is tabasco! 1421 01:23:13,542 --> 01:23:15,373 It was her! It was her! 1422 01:23:15,583 --> 01:23:17,073 Where are you, witch? 1423 01:23:22,250 --> 01:23:24,036 I wasn't expecting so many people. 1424 01:23:24,208 --> 01:23:25,789 Mario is very famous. 1425 01:23:26,500 --> 01:23:28,707 He's the best son-in-law we've ever had. 1426 01:23:34,333 --> 01:23:35,698 The poster is weird. 1427 01:23:37,042 --> 01:23:39,454 I'm hung like a field mouse 1428 01:23:39,792 --> 01:23:41,874 he can't be hung like a field mouse? 1429 01:23:42,083 --> 01:23:43,083 I hope not. 1430 01:23:43,417 --> 01:23:44,417 He's so cute. 1431 01:23:47,583 --> 01:23:49,995 I don't have a dick like a mouse! 1432 01:23:50,875 --> 01:23:52,991 - He's so funny... - He's a sweetie... 1433 01:23:54,417 --> 01:23:55,156 Guys, 1434 01:23:55,333 --> 01:23:57,574 the theatre is full. Thanks to me. 1435 01:23:57,625 --> 01:23:59,616 Ten minutes until we open. 1436 01:23:59,708 --> 01:24:02,575 Put your differences aside for the play, ok? 1437 01:24:02,667 --> 01:24:06,205 I've no problem putting anything aside, if she just apologises. 1438 01:24:07,500 --> 01:24:10,412 Me say sorry to you? Cat killer! 1439 01:24:10,500 --> 01:24:12,582 This has gone to far! 1440 01:24:12,625 --> 01:24:15,037 I don't want to watch you kill each other on stage. 1441 01:24:15,125 --> 01:24:17,582 Bye guys. Lots, but lots of luck. 1442 01:24:17,792 --> 01:24:21,580 Don't wish us luck, this is theatre! They say break a leg. 1443 01:24:22,708 --> 01:24:25,450 Someone has looked up theatre on Wikipedia. 1444 01:24:25,542 --> 01:24:28,955 Yes, someone was searching on Wikipedia for your name. 1445 01:24:29,042 --> 01:24:30,657 Guess what it said? Nothing. 1446 01:24:30,833 --> 01:24:32,744 Do you know why? You're not there. 1447 01:24:32,875 --> 01:24:33,875 And I am. 1448 01:24:34,125 --> 01:24:37,242 Guys, I want a gesture of friendship right now. 1449 01:24:39,333 --> 01:24:40,333 Now. 1450 01:24:47,333 --> 01:24:48,539 Break a leg, Mario. 1451 01:24:49,000 --> 01:24:50,581 Break a leg, Olivia. 1452 01:24:52,958 --> 01:24:56,371 You always had strong hands. For a girl. 1453 01:24:56,458 --> 01:24:57,664 Micro-sexist. 1454 01:24:58,083 --> 01:24:59,198 Macro-idiot. 1455 01:25:00,250 --> 01:25:02,787 By the way, because you removed the eyebrows, 1456 01:25:03,125 --> 01:25:04,535 I've got you a present. 1457 01:25:10,500 --> 01:25:11,500 Massive brows. 1458 01:25:11,583 --> 01:25:14,495 - To wear tonight. - Thanks a lot. 1459 01:25:14,667 --> 01:25:17,158 As you've still got traces of the dick on your head, 1460 01:25:17,250 --> 01:25:18,706 I've brought you something. 1461 01:25:22,750 --> 01:25:23,956 Break a leg, Mario 1462 01:25:27,667 --> 01:25:28,747 you might prefer it. 1463 01:25:29,875 --> 01:25:31,706 You disgusting bitch... 1464 01:25:34,250 --> 01:25:35,250 Wipe here. 1465 01:25:45,625 --> 01:25:47,331 - It's starting. - Great. 1466 01:26:02,167 --> 01:26:04,453 It was Wednesday at five in the morning, 1467 01:26:04,542 --> 01:26:06,578 and I was as drunk as a skunk. 1468 01:26:08,542 --> 01:26:11,079 Aren't her eyebrows a bit big? 1469 01:26:12,833 --> 01:26:14,323 That's a micro-sexism. 1470 01:26:14,750 --> 01:26:19,244 Maybe she's tired of the patriarchy forcing her into waxing them. 1471 01:26:20,250 --> 01:26:21,660 - Right. - "Graceful..." 1472 01:26:31,833 --> 01:26:32,833 Animal! 1473 01:26:32,875 --> 01:26:34,035 Break a leg. 1474 01:26:34,167 --> 01:26:35,202 Literally. 1475 01:26:36,583 --> 01:26:40,701 - Do you think they hurt themselves? - No, it's all choreography. 1476 01:26:40,792 --> 01:26:41,792 Are you ok? 1477 01:26:41,958 --> 01:26:44,074 Do you want to go for dinner one day? 1478 01:26:44,417 --> 01:26:45,417 What? 1479 01:26:46,000 --> 01:26:47,160 If we ended up together, 1480 01:26:47,250 --> 01:26:50,162 we'd have an amazing story about how we met. 1481 01:26:50,250 --> 01:26:51,956 Like notting hill on steroids. 1482 01:26:58,208 --> 01:27:00,244 We play something similar in my village, 1483 01:27:00,375 --> 01:27:01,660 it was called "drink". 1484 01:27:03,333 --> 01:27:04,743 You first. Don't be sexist. 1485 01:27:04,833 --> 01:27:06,539 - Please, you first. - Alright. 1486 01:27:19,625 --> 01:27:21,456 That's vinegar, bitch. 1487 01:27:30,500 --> 01:27:31,500 Soap? 1488 01:27:36,542 --> 01:27:38,248 You wet the bed once. 1489 01:27:38,958 --> 01:27:41,995 - Fuck, oli, I was drunk. - You were stood up, aiming. 1490 01:27:45,833 --> 01:27:48,074 A present, from my field mouse to you. 1491 01:27:55,083 --> 01:27:56,118 Mylove! 1492 01:27:56,708 --> 01:27:59,495 How are you mylove? This is for you. 1493 01:28:07,042 --> 01:28:09,249 Nothing, he must be in the bathroom. 1494 01:28:16,083 --> 01:28:17,243 Is that tabasco? 1495 01:28:18,375 --> 01:28:19,375 It's not funny, 1496 01:28:19,708 --> 01:28:21,118 that one's already done. 1497 01:28:23,792 --> 01:28:24,792 Last shot. 1498 01:28:25,417 --> 01:28:26,623 For the lady. 1499 01:28:33,542 --> 01:28:35,407 It's good, I'm scared. What is it? 1500 01:28:36,542 --> 01:28:37,657 Almond milk. 1501 01:28:39,125 --> 01:28:41,036 But I'm allergic, you psycho! 1502 01:28:41,208 --> 01:28:43,415 Don't you like the theatre of cruelty? 1503 01:28:43,542 --> 01:28:45,954 How would I know? We only just met. 1504 01:28:46,042 --> 01:28:48,124 Mario, I'm allergic! What? 1505 01:28:48,208 --> 01:28:49,618 I need adrenaline! 1506 01:28:49,708 --> 01:28:51,244 - What do you need? - Adrenaline! 1507 01:28:51,333 --> 01:28:53,369 Adrenaline! Look, what luck! 1508 01:28:53,708 --> 01:28:56,165 I happen to have a little bit of adrenaline. 1509 01:28:56,417 --> 01:28:58,703 Give it to me... Who wants adrenaline? 1510 01:28:58,958 --> 01:29:00,198 Mario, honestly! 1511 01:29:01,458 --> 01:29:02,698 I'll give it to you, 1512 01:29:02,833 --> 01:29:04,824 if you say please 1513 01:29:05,250 --> 01:29:06,615 to my great big cock. 1514 01:29:07,708 --> 01:29:08,708 Mario! 1515 01:29:12,625 --> 01:29:14,581 Olivia is fantastic. 1516 01:29:14,708 --> 01:29:16,369 I'm really impressed. 1517 01:29:16,667 --> 01:29:18,032 Ah sorry, I messed up, 1518 01:29:18,125 --> 01:29:20,537 it wasn't almond milk, it was a syrup. 1519 01:29:20,750 --> 01:29:23,492 The first night has made me go all... 1520 01:29:27,708 --> 01:29:29,664 Oli, oli, oli, oli! 1521 01:29:30,125 --> 01:29:31,865 Oli you're losing it. Oli, oli! 1522 01:29:36,750 --> 01:29:40,823 - I told you it would go badly. - I'm sure that as it's the opening night 1523 01:29:40,958 --> 01:29:42,539 they'll be taking it steady. 1524 01:29:43,958 --> 01:29:44,958 It's Eva. 1525 01:29:46,458 --> 01:29:49,165 - What. - Ernesto, there's a brawl on stage. 1526 01:29:49,375 --> 01:29:51,240 - Not steady at all. - People are laughing. 1527 01:29:51,333 --> 01:29:53,073 They think it's part of the play. 1528 01:29:53,708 --> 01:29:54,708 Yes? Who is it? 1529 01:29:55,708 --> 01:29:56,788 It's the vet. 1530 01:29:57,458 --> 01:29:58,573 That's great news. 1531 01:29:59,083 --> 01:30:00,823 The cat is out of the coma. 1532 01:30:00,958 --> 01:30:03,165 Perfect, ask if we can pick him up. 1533 01:30:03,250 --> 01:30:05,241 - One moment. - I'm not talking to you. 1534 01:30:05,333 --> 01:30:08,871 - Where are you? - We're getting the cat. It's better. 1535 01:30:09,875 --> 01:30:10,875 Thank god. 1536 01:30:12,542 --> 01:30:13,542 Bye. 1537 01:30:13,833 --> 01:30:14,833 Bye. 1538 01:30:20,250 --> 01:30:23,083 We've seen half of Woody Allen's filmography. 1539 01:30:23,583 --> 01:30:26,199 We were on the point of becoming friends. 1540 01:30:27,250 --> 01:30:30,083 What are you doing? I want to do a monologue too. 1541 01:30:30,167 --> 01:30:31,703 Fine, fine, fine. 1542 01:30:34,000 --> 01:30:35,536 When you meet a girl 1543 01:30:35,750 --> 01:30:36,956 and you make friends, 1544 01:30:37,042 --> 01:30:39,533 you can no longer have feelings for her. 1545 01:30:39,583 --> 01:30:42,575 So I didn't want to make friends with Olivia because... 1546 01:30:43,083 --> 01:30:45,244 Because I was falling in love with her. 1547 01:30:47,833 --> 01:30:50,324 Culebra got a tattoo with "Olivia" in a heart. 1548 01:30:50,458 --> 01:30:51,458 And? 1549 01:30:51,500 --> 01:30:52,580 Olivia with a h. 1550 01:30:52,875 --> 01:30:54,160 I had to do something. 1551 01:30:55,625 --> 01:30:57,206 Yes, yes, yes? 1552 01:30:58,250 --> 01:30:59,865 - Olivia? - Yes, what is it? 1553 01:31:00,125 --> 01:31:03,322 I think I left my phone in your house. Well... 1554 01:31:03,542 --> 01:31:06,705 - I don't see it. - I can't manage without my phone. 1555 01:31:06,833 --> 01:31:08,073 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1556 01:31:08,708 --> 01:31:10,699 What do I do? Want to come look? 1557 01:31:10,833 --> 01:31:13,540 - You don't mind? - Come on, come on. 1558 01:31:13,625 --> 01:31:14,625 Ok. 1559 01:31:34,250 --> 01:31:36,582 Hey, mylove! He's done so well! 1560 01:31:37,375 --> 01:31:38,410 Strong as an ox. 1561 01:31:39,000 --> 01:31:40,000 Kitty, 1562 01:31:40,375 --> 01:31:42,036 right now your parents 1563 01:31:42,167 --> 01:31:44,704 are about to kill each other on stage. 1564 01:31:45,250 --> 01:31:48,037 You could have put "lost cat” or "missing cat". 1565 01:31:48,167 --> 01:31:51,079 With the cat's name underneath. This is like... 1566 01:31:51,250 --> 01:31:54,447 The joke about the dog called titswobble. 1567 01:31:59,000 --> 01:32:00,000 What are you doing? 1568 01:32:04,042 --> 01:32:05,532 I'm starting to like this. 1569 01:32:06,125 --> 01:32:07,456 More and more. 1570 01:32:10,125 --> 01:32:12,457 Hitching? What sort of psychopath 1571 01:32:12,542 --> 01:32:14,874 will pick us up at this time of night? 1572 01:32:17,125 --> 01:32:18,831 Do you need a ride somewhere? 1573 01:32:19,500 --> 01:32:20,500 This psychopath. 1574 01:32:22,583 --> 01:32:23,583 There we go. 1575 01:32:23,625 --> 01:32:24,865 I'm in the police. 1576 01:32:25,000 --> 01:32:26,000 Well, I was. 1577 01:32:26,208 --> 01:32:29,575 They sacked me for throwing some kids from a boat to save them 1578 01:32:29,667 --> 01:32:32,033 from an explosion that I caused 1579 01:32:32,167 --> 01:32:34,499 to catch a Colombian drug dealer 1580 01:32:34,583 --> 01:32:37,325 who ripped me off selling me really bad cocaine... 1581 01:32:37,417 --> 01:32:40,454 Anyway, let's do this. Emergency! Emergency of love! 1582 01:32:40,542 --> 01:32:42,533 Of love! 1583 01:32:51,417 --> 01:32:53,248 - Fuck! - Mylove's ashes. 1584 01:32:54,125 --> 01:32:55,786 When I introduced him to my dad 1585 01:32:55,875 --> 01:32:58,537 he asked what Cologne he wears and bought the same. 1586 01:32:58,708 --> 01:33:01,495 It's been like fucking my father ever since. 1587 01:33:03,250 --> 01:33:05,411 What's up? You do monologues now? 1588 01:33:06,250 --> 01:33:09,367 When she told me she was marrying Matt, I already had the ring 1589 01:33:09,458 --> 01:33:13,952 because I wanted to marry her. I was ready to kneel, but... 1590 01:33:14,542 --> 01:33:15,873 I never dared say it. 1591 01:33:16,042 --> 01:33:18,624 Do you know what a turtle's orgasm is like? 1592 01:33:23,583 --> 01:33:25,414 The same as Mario's. 1593 01:33:27,083 --> 01:33:28,083 When we broke up, 1594 01:33:28,417 --> 01:33:29,702 I became a zombie, 1595 01:33:29,792 --> 01:33:30,998 a soul in torment. 1596 01:33:31,667 --> 01:33:34,579 Yes, I went out, had beers with friends, 1597 01:33:34,667 --> 01:33:36,077 talked to them, but... 1598 01:33:38,083 --> 01:33:39,083 It was incredible. 1599 01:33:39,375 --> 01:33:41,036 They didn't even realise 1600 01:33:41,958 --> 01:33:43,448 I was dead inside. 1601 01:33:43,667 --> 01:33:46,500 - He's an outstanding actor. - And he smells great. 1602 01:33:47,083 --> 01:33:49,540 Do you know what my orgasms with Mario were like? 1603 01:33:49,750 --> 01:33:50,409 No? 1604 01:33:50,708 --> 01:33:51,788 Me neither! 1605 01:34:00,042 --> 01:34:01,122 Oli, what's wrong? 1606 01:34:05,083 --> 01:34:06,083 What's wrong? 1607 01:34:06,708 --> 01:34:07,743 Adrenaline. 1608 01:34:07,833 --> 01:34:09,573 There were no nuts... 1609 01:34:10,208 --> 01:34:11,208 It was syrup. 1610 01:34:12,375 --> 01:34:14,206 Oli, oli, you're scaring me. 1611 01:34:14,250 --> 01:34:15,706 Oli, oli, oli! 1612 01:34:17,750 --> 01:34:18,750 Oli! 1613 01:34:21,833 --> 01:34:22,833 Oli! 1614 01:34:24,333 --> 01:34:25,333 Oli! 1615 01:34:25,458 --> 01:34:26,458 Oli! 1616 01:34:26,500 --> 01:34:27,580 Oli, Olivia! 1617 01:34:29,375 --> 01:34:30,375 Help! 1618 01:34:39,417 --> 01:34:40,417 She's not breathing. 1619 01:34:40,667 --> 01:34:43,158 - Eva, call a doctor. - I'm going. 1620 01:35:00,125 --> 01:35:01,125 Oli. 1621 01:35:01,250 --> 01:35:02,250 Oli. 1622 01:35:04,000 --> 01:35:05,331 What have we done? 1623 01:35:06,042 --> 01:35:07,703 Fuck, what have we done, oli? 1624 01:35:08,750 --> 01:35:09,750 Oli. 1625 01:35:09,833 --> 01:35:11,994 I just wanted you to forgive me. 1626 01:35:22,625 --> 01:35:25,241 Fuck! What have we done? Who am I? 1627 01:35:26,000 --> 01:35:28,241 I just wanted you to forgive me. 1628 01:35:28,708 --> 01:35:29,788 I'm you. 1629 01:35:32,708 --> 01:35:33,948 Now you know how it feels 1630 01:35:34,042 --> 01:35:36,875 when you think someone you love has died. 1631 01:35:44,167 --> 01:35:45,167 What's up? 1632 01:35:45,708 --> 01:35:46,708 Do you find it funny? 1633 01:35:48,875 --> 01:35:50,615 It was a horrific joke. 1634 01:35:51,583 --> 01:35:52,663 Why are you laughing? 1635 01:35:53,542 --> 01:35:55,373 It's not funny at all. 1636 01:35:57,458 --> 01:35:58,789 It's a dreadful joke. 1637 01:36:00,542 --> 01:36:01,542 But, 1638 01:36:02,625 --> 01:36:04,832 the other option was you not waking up. 1639 01:36:07,542 --> 01:36:09,407 So I think it was wonderful. 1640 01:36:45,875 --> 01:36:46,875 Mylove! 1641 01:36:48,250 --> 01:36:49,706 Mylove, yoo're awe rite. 1642 01:36:50,583 --> 01:36:52,039 - Mylove. - Hey! 1643 01:36:58,167 --> 01:36:59,532 - Mylove. - Hello. 1644 01:37:01,250 --> 01:37:02,250 Hello. 1645 01:37:02,583 --> 01:37:03,789 Tell me whit tae dae, 1646 01:37:04,083 --> 01:37:05,243 forgive heem? 1647 01:37:06,500 --> 01:37:07,831 Whit did the Lassie say? 1648 01:37:10,250 --> 01:37:11,535 He says och aye. 1649 01:37:47,792 --> 01:37:48,998 Mario is perfect. 1650 01:37:50,250 --> 01:37:52,411 The best boyfriend she's ever had. 1651 01:37:54,167 --> 01:37:55,327 Alright, Olivia, 1652 01:37:55,500 --> 01:37:57,866 do you consent to and accept to enter into marriage? 1653 01:37:58,000 --> 01:37:59,365 Yes, but I mean... 1654 01:38:00,333 --> 01:38:03,951 Saying "yes, I consent" sounds terrible, like I had no choice. 1655 01:38:04,500 --> 01:38:06,240 Then say, "yes, I accept". 1656 01:38:06,500 --> 01:38:08,786 Alright, well yes, I accept. I accept. 1657 01:38:09,083 --> 01:38:10,323 Very well. 1658 01:38:10,417 --> 01:38:12,248 - And you, Mateo... - Matt. 1659 01:38:12,750 --> 01:38:14,206 That's it. And you, Matt, 1660 01:38:14,250 --> 01:38:17,367 do you consent to and accept to enter into marriage? 1661 01:38:17,667 --> 01:38:18,667 Yes, 1662 01:38:20,042 --> 01:38:21,202 I consent. 1663 01:38:21,458 --> 01:38:24,780 Very well. You may kiss now, 1664 01:38:24,958 --> 01:38:26,789 or not, if you don't want to... 1665 01:38:27,000 --> 01:38:29,116 We don't know why you're marrying... 1666 01:38:29,208 --> 01:38:31,073 I won't say a word, it's fine by me. 1667 01:38:31,167 --> 01:38:33,499 What can I say? I hooked up with my sister. 1668 01:38:33,583 --> 01:38:35,369 You're now husband and wife. 1669 01:38:40,250 --> 01:38:41,615 Just one thing, 1670 01:38:41,833 --> 01:38:44,870 if anyone wants to throw rice, even ironically, 1671 01:38:45,000 --> 01:38:47,992 should know that they'll get a not very ironic beating. 1672 01:42:55,583 --> 01:43:00,577 Translation: Joanne maddocks subtitles: Bbo subtitulado