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3
00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:40,239
(SOFT JAZZ MUSIC)

4
00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:52,451
(LIGHT CHURNING SOUND)

5
00:00:57,691 --> 00:01:02,528
(SOFT JAZZ MUSIC CONTINUES)

6
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:12,671
(DRIPPING SOUND CONTINUES)

7
00:01:18,813 --> 00:01:22,448
(SOFT JAZZ MUSIC CONTINUES)

8
00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:34,794
ZOE: Action.

9
00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:37,229
(EXPLOSION SOUND)

10
00:01:44,171 --> 00:01:46,339
Cool.

11
00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:48,475
Zoe, time for school!

12
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:52,277
ZOE: I'm brushing my teeth!

13
00:02:02,123 --> 00:02:04,857
(SOFT JAZZ MUSIC CONTINUES)

14
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:15,535
(SAWING SOUNDS)

15
00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:19,271
(JAZZ CONTINUES
WITH DRIPPING SOUND)

16
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:32,352
So I get a call at seven in
the morning. And they say oh

17
00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:38,258
by the way, Zoe needs to bring
three dozen cupcakes to school

18
00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:42,495
for a play this afternoon.
This is seven am THIS morning

19
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:45,365
you understand. I've got
an order of studs arriving,

20
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:47,500
I got to be at the
construction site by nine AM

21
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:50,569
so in my free time, sure,
why not get in some baking?

22
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:55,507
Oh, and they got to be pink.
Everything is pink right now.

23
00:02:55,910 --> 00:02:56,910
(BEEPING SOUND)

24
00:02:56,911 --> 00:02:59,913
Oscar!

25
00:02:59,914 --> 00:03:01,614
Can I get a little help in here?

26
00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:04,683
The waffles are burning.

27
00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:15,929
OSCAR: Um, Sal?

28
00:03:15,930 --> 00:03:19,198
There's blood dripping through
the ceiling fixture again.

29
00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:24,903
Zoe!

30
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:34,213
(TRAIN SOUNDS)

31
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:43,989
SAL: (VOICE MESSAGE) We re busy having
a domestic disaster. Leave a message.

32
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:48,628
ZILLA: Um, hi Dad, it's Zilla.

33
00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:51,264
I just wanted to call
and see how you re doing.

34
00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:53,933
Actually, I thought
I might come home for a visit.

35
00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:58,604
Just to say hi. So, you
know, pick up the phone.

36
00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:07,447
Zoe! If you lock this
thing one more time I swear

37
00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:09,282
I will cut it off
with a power saw.

38
00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:11,517
You know this is for
emergency use only.

39
00:04:11,518 --> 00:04:13,886
When someone is
downstairs trying to murder you

40
00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:16,723
you get to lock
this door, not before.

41
00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:22,395
Now I know you re in
there. Come out of the closet.

42
00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:23,830
Look at you.

43
00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:25,465
It's the last day of school.

44
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:27,967
Can't you keep your
uniform clean for ten seconds?

45
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:31,337
How does it reflect on me as a
father if you show up to school

46
00:04:31,338 --> 00:04:33,373
covered in blood every day?

47
00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:36,441
Come on,
let's get you in the shower.

48
00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:47,053
ZILLA: Hi Dad, Zilla again.

49
00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:51,724
Look, I'd really like to talk to
you before I get home.

50
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:53,760
Actually, I have some news.

51
00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:55,895
I'm not pregnant.
And I haven't been arrested...

52
00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:58,865
So keep that in mind
when you hear my news, okay?

53
00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:01,900
It's important to keep
perspective about these things.

54
00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:05,671
(TROLLEY SOUNDS ON TRACKS)

55
00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:10,310
I can't believe all
her school uniforms have

56
00:05:10,311 --> 00:05:11,311
bloodstains on them.

57
00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:13,479
Hey, it's not my fault.

58
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,015
Do I look like some
kind of fashion expert?

59
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:18,384
There's a difference between
identifying a fashion trend

60
00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:20,987
and identifying
a bloodstain, Oscar.

61
00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:23,656
I forgot my costume!

62
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,757
(SIGHS)

63
00:05:25,758 --> 00:05:27,860
I'm late.
Can't you go on without it?

64
00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:30,063
I can't be in a play
without my costume.

65
00:05:30,064 --> 00:05:33,599
It's the only thing we re
doing today. Just the play.

66
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:36,251
I ll take her home.

67
00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:38,905
No you won't. She ll show up in
some kind of ghoul ensemble.

68
00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:40,972
I ll go.

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00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:48,980
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYS
UNDER SOUND OF TRAIN)

70
00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,692
You forgot to bring your costume

71
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,761
or you forgot to
make your costume?

72
00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:03,930
You forgot the cupcakes.

73
00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:05,997
Son of a...

74
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:17,843
Pink.

75
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:21,447
ZILLA: Dad?

76
00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:23,515
Zilla?

77
00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:26,085
What are you
doing home from school?

78
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:28,303
We weren't expecting you.

79
00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:30,523
ZILLA: Actually Dad,
there's something I have to tell you.

80
00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:32,658
You re pregnant.

81
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:34,994
You know, just because you
and Mom got pregnant in college

82
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:36,729
doesn't mean everyone
makes the same mistake.

83
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,131
Not in front of your sister.

84
00:06:38,132 --> 00:06:39,132
So-so you re not...?

85
00:06:39,133 --> 00:06:41,968
No. No chance whatsoever.

86
00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:44,036
Oh. Good!

87
00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:46,739
Well we re in a
huge hurry here, honey

88
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,040
so maybe we can
talk later this afternoon.

89
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:50,943
ZILLA: Dad,
I really need to talk now.

90
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:53,446
I need raw meat.

91
00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:55,514
In the fridge.

92
00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:59,452
Are you having
problems at school?

93
00:06:59,453 --> 00:07:00,787
And the internship?

94
00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:03,723
I, um-I turned that down.

95
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:06,159
That was a really
good internship, Zilla.

96
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:08,161
How are you supposed to
get into a good med school if.

97
00:07:08,162 --> 00:07:10,696
Look Dad, if you re going to
freak out about the internship

98
00:07:10,697 --> 00:07:13,166
you re really not going to
be able to handle my news.

99
00:07:13,167 --> 00:07:16,352
There's more news?

100
00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:19,539
So there's this kind of crazy,
angry PTA mom on the phone?

101
00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:22,607
And she says that they re
missing 36 pink cupcakes.

102
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:27,479
She seems to be under the
impression that you stole them.

103
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:31,851
Hi, Zilla.

104
00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:33,920
Hi, Uncle Oscar.

105
00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:37,123
Just-tell them
they re on the way.

106
00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:41,494
Could-could you just tell
her? Frankly she's scary, bro.

107
00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:43,095
Dad, we re going to be late!

108
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:48,601
Okay. Oscar, you take
Zoe to school. Then call

109
00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:50,203
the construction site and tell
them we re going to be late.

110
00:07:50,204 --> 00:07:53,840
Tell them there's been
some kind of freak accident.

111
00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:56,908
I ll tell them there's
been a kite boarding collision.

112
00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:01,013
Whatever.

113
00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:04,082
How do you feel
about helping me bake?

114
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:13,391
This is disgusting.

115
00:08:13,392 --> 00:08:15,832
They don't have to taste good,
honey, they just have to exist.

116
00:08:17,231 --> 00:08:18,764
So what's your news?

117
00:08:18,765 --> 00:08:20,867
Before I tell you, I want you to
promise that you ll

118
00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:22,985
be happy for me.

119
00:08:22,986 --> 00:08:25,386
How can I promise that, honey?
I don't know what the news is.

120
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:28,274
Well, it's something
that makes me happy.

121
00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:32,178
Well frankly, I don't
know what makes you happy.

122
00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:36,983
I mean, maybe you've always
wanted to be a trapeze artist.

123
00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:38,985
I'm not going to
applaud you for leaving college

124
00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:40,653
to join the circus.

125
00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:43,823
Or maybe you met
a handsome drug dealer.

126
00:08:43,824 --> 00:08:46,292
I mean, just tell me
what the news is honey.

127
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:48,928
Do you want me to guess?

128
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:51,997
Well, the second one is closer.

129
00:08:56,270 --> 00:08:59,639
You re squeezing out
all the frosting, Zilla.

130
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:02,107
Now I don't have any frosting.

131
00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:06,895
(SIGHS)

132
00:09:06,896 --> 00:09:09,015
Okay, let's just say
hypothetically I promise to be

133
00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:12,552
happy with your news.
Hypothetically, in what category

134
00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:14,587
would this news fall?

135
00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:19,091
It would fall in
the love category.

136
00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:21,260
Oh God. That's
worse than I thought.

137
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:24,931
CUSTOMER: ..And I'd like some of
those orange ones with the sprinkles.

138
00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:27,199
Not the round orange sprinkles.

139
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,885
The cylindrical
orange sprinkles.

140
00:09:29,886 --> 00:09:32,572
Excuse me, is this something
that could possibly be sped up?

141
00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:35,207
Because we re kind of in
a time sensitive situation here.

142
00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:37,777
Excuse me, but I think
I have as much of a right to

143
00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:40,313
personalize my confectionery
choices as you do.

144
00:09:40,314 --> 00:09:43,816
Oh, I'm not denying that right.
It's just that, well, we have to

145
00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:47,186
get three dozen pink cupcakes
in the next sixty seconds

146
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:49,822
or I'm going to miss what's left
of my daughter's school play.

147
00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:52,224
Well, what kind of cupcakes?

148
00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:54,627
We have raspberry strawberry,
marionberry, red velvet.

149
00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:58,196
Any kind!
Just make them pink!

150
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:04,603
(DOOR BANGS,
FOLLOWED BY FOOTSTEPS)

151
00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:15,081
Now listen, Zilla. We have to
go in there and see what's left

152
00:10:15,082 --> 00:10:17,216
of your sister's play,
and if you don't tell me

153
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:20,353
what your news is first,
I will write you out of my will.

154
00:10:20,354 --> 00:10:23,622
Fine. I'm getting married.

155
00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:26,959
What?

156
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:31,831
Married? You re getting
married? You are 21 years old.

157
00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:33,666
You married Mom
when you were 19!

158
00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:36,002
Oh, and that was a
brilliant idea, wasn't it?

159
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:40,106
I mean, do you see your
mother around anywhere?

160
00:10:40,107 --> 00:10:42,274
Have you heard from
her in the past eight years?

161
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:44,210
You wouldn't even
know what tenderness was

162
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:45,761
if it weren't for
your Uncle Oscar!

163
00:10:45,762 --> 00:10:47,313
I knew you were going to
freak out. That's why I didn't

164
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:50,115
tell you over the phone!

165
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:55,220
This is absolutely
out of the question!

166
00:11:04,297 --> 00:11:06,965
Sorry. Excuse me.

167
00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:14,774
What's this play about, anyway?

168
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:17,443
American History.

169
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:20,880
Um, you missed
most of the play.

170
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:23,348
They just have the
costume awards left.

171
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:30,456
You are still in college.

172
00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:33,459
Is there some rule that college
students can't be married?

173
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:36,062
Have you ever thought about how
hard it will be to get through

174
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:37,697
med school if you
have kids to raise?

175
00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:39,265
That won't be a problem for us.

176
00:11:39,266 --> 00:11:41,734
You can't necessarily plan
these things, Zilla.

177
00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:45,271
Birth control isn't
always what it should be.

178
00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:47,840
PRINCIPAL: Thank you all for coming
and joining us on this happy

179
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:48,908
family occasion.

180
00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:52,812
(AUDIENCE CLAPPING)

181
00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:54,914
I'd like to thank all the
parents in the audience

182
00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:58,150
for all the effort that you put
into the baking and the costumes

183
00:11:58,151 --> 00:12:00,853
and the students behind the
curtain for all their hard work.

184
00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:02,221
I'm sure they re
ready for summer vacation.

185
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:04,757
(KIDS CHEERING)

186
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:07,226
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

187
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:10,329
In recognition of some of the
costumes that really stood out

188
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:12,832
we would like to give
out a few quick prizes.

189
00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:16,102
The prize for the
prettiest costume goes to

190
00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:18,838
Mary Ann Percy as
the Statue of Liberty.

191
00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:23,775
(AUDIENCE CHEERS)

192
00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:28,047
Next, the prize for
the coolest costume goes to

193
00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:30,516
Tyson Baker
who came as a Rough Rider.

194
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:33,785
(AUDIENCE CHEERS)

195
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:41,493
And, ah, our judges decided to
give out a third prize this year

196
00:12:44,131 --> 00:12:49,200
The award for the most
disturbing costume goes to

197
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:53,172
Zoe Balicki who decided
to come as a pilgrim

198
00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:57,276
who has been..

199
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:59,411
Scalped.

200
00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:02,480
(QUIET APPLAUSE)

201
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:11,157
(CRYING)

202
00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:13,926
Zoe, we have to
applaud your creativity.

203
00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:17,363
However, a quick reminder
for Zoe's parents...

204
00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:20,366
Including, ah, raw meat on an

205
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:26,105
elementary school costume is
not considered strictly sanitary

206
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:27,873
And now, if the
children will join me in

207
00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:29,941
singing our school song.

208
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:39,151
I didn't finish
telling you my news.

209
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,820
I'm sorry, there's more?

210
00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:47,426
I invited my fiancée's
family over for dinner.

211
00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:50,094
I want you to meet her.

212
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:55,301
Beg your pardon. Her?

213
00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:58,370
I'm a lesbian, Dad.

214
00:13:58,371 --> 00:13:59,371
What?

215
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,606
I'm a lesbian!

216
00:14:15,322 --> 00:14:17,189
So, this is how you

217
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:20,092
choose to share
important news with the family

218
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:23,295
Just dumping it on
us out of the blue.

219
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:26,131
Believe me, coming out in the
middle of a grade school play

220
00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:29,335
was not my ideal way of
coming out of the closet either.

221
00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:32,137
Well, couldn't we have
had a more gradual transition?

222
00:14:32,138 --> 00:14:34,540
I mean, last I knew,
you had a boyfriend.

223
00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:37,042
OSCAR: Yeah, isn't there
supposed to be some like

224
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:40,346
I don't know, sexual
experimentation first?

225
00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:41,347
There has been.

226
00:14:41,348 --> 00:14:42,414
Oh God.

227
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:44,049
Come on Dad,
when's the last time you

228
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,885
actually saw me with a man?

229
00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:48,953
There was that guy you went
to the Fire & Ice dance with.

230
00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:52,124
Was that a woman?

231
00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:53,893
No Uncle Oscar,
that was Bobby Milton

232
00:14:53,894 --> 00:14:56,061
and that was in
the eighth grade.

233
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:57,463
GRANDMA: What's going on?

234
00:14:57,464 --> 00:14:59,899
Zilla's a lesbian now!

235
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,301
ZILLA: I've always been a
lesbian, Uncle Oscar.

236
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:05,104
Well we re so sorry
to offend you, Zilla.

237
00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:08,540
We really apologize that your
family's been too insensitive to

238
00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:11,610
notice, possibly because
you've always dated men.

239
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:14,346
I knew you wouldn't approve.

240
00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:16,382
It's not that I
disapprove, honey.

241
00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:20,451
It's just... well,
it's all very sudden.

242
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:24,056
AUNT MARGE: Sal told me everything.

243
00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:25,591
I brought you some chicken soup.

244
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:28,160
Okay...

245
00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:30,462
You do understand
that this is not like

246
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:33,265
a contagious disease that
can be treated with soup, right?

247
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:36,168
And I brought
some dresses for Zoe.

248
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:38,270
Hello, Marge.

249
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:42,107
Sal. Troubled times.

250
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:45,978
This is what happens when
girls are raised without mothers

251
00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:48,080
What, they become lesbians?

252
00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:52,584
And Zoe! I heard she made a
sensation at the school play.

253
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:53,719
How do you know these things?

254
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,521
I try to stay informed.

255
00:15:55,522 --> 00:15:58,490
I've said it a million times.
You've got to take better care

256
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:01,093
of these girls.
You should remarry.

257
00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:04,396
And I've told you a
million times, Marge

258
00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:06,198
I haven't met the right woman.

259
00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:09,267
Maybe you re secretly gay.

260
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:33,424
(UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC STARTS)

261
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:58,416
(DOOR JINGLES)

262
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:06,358
DWAYNE: Well, if it isn't
the movie director.

263
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,694
How's the horror film
coming, Ms. Kubrick?

264
00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:10,462
Has my coffin arrived?

265
00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:12,264
It came yesterday.
I still don't know what

266
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,149
you want with a coffin.

267
00:17:14,150 --> 00:17:16,035
Aren't you small, miniature
people supposed to be in school?

268
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:17,786
It's vacation.

269
00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:19,538
Then why aren't you out playing
with your youthful peers?

270
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:20,639
Don't you have any friends?

271
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,474
Do you?

272
00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:23,642
Touché.

273
00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:24,810
Where is it?

274
00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:28,079
In the back. I ll get it.

275
00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:36,788
(MELANCHOLY JAZZ PLAYS)

276
00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:53,839
This doesn't look real.

277
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,507
It's for magic shows.

278
00:18:01,147 --> 00:18:02,581
This is stupid.

279
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:05,249
You order away, you pay.

280
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:12,858
You hear about
the horror contest?

281
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:14,793
Hosted by the Film Foundation.

282
00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:16,728
Hundred dollars cash
prize for whoever turns in

283
00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:18,297
the best short horror film.

284
00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:19,531
When's the deadline?

285
00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:22,634
July 1st.

286
00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:25,771
It's for college kids, dummy!

287
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:27,839
You ll never win.

288
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:37,449
Okay, I think that we've
all had enough time to think

289
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,685
about this new
situation and adjust.

290
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:42,421
The important thing is that
Lu's family is coming over for

291
00:18:42,422 --> 00:18:44,556
dinner and we need to
get ready to greet them.

292
00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:46,692
What's this family like, dear?

293
00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:49,461
I guess they re sort of formal.

294
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:52,564
Formal? Like, how formal?

295
00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:54,700
Well, they re
conservatives from New York

296
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:57,335
so Lu says they
always dress for dinner.

297
00:18:58,304 --> 00:18:59,738
Dress in what?

298
00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:03,876
Like, in clothes? Cause
we do that, we wear clothes.

299
00:19:03,877 --> 00:19:05,410
The men wear ties.

300
00:19:05,411 --> 00:19:06,545
How many men?

301
00:19:06,546 --> 00:19:09,414
Um, Lu has three brothers,

302
00:19:09,415 --> 00:19:13,452
so I guess there ll be eleven.

303
00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:15,287
Eleven?

304
00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:17,890
We don't have enough forks.

305
00:19:17,891 --> 00:19:21,660
Fancy conservative
types always have extra forks.

306
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:25,197
And they don't recycle.
They hate environmentalists.

307
00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:26,431
Well they re
gonna love Portland.

308
00:19:26,432 --> 00:19:27,799
You guys, please!

309
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,902
I'm asking you
to do this for me.

310
00:19:29,903 --> 00:19:33,338
Not because you support gays
or conservatives or whatever.

311
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:36,407
But because you
love and care about me.

312
00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:46,852
If I start now, I can get
three lasagnas in the oven.

313
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:51,423
I ll make a salad and take the
Greenpeace signs off the lawn.

314
00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:53,891
I will set the table.

315
00:19:56,930 --> 00:20:00,866
Okay, you re a
recently reincarnated

316
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:04,636
emotionally confused werewolf
who hasn't had anything to eat

317
00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:06,939
in ten centuries. Action!

318
00:20:06,940 --> 00:20:10,208
(GROWLING)

319
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,948
(HOWL)

320
00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:28,327
I think it needs more hunger.

321
00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:31,797
I have to go inside soon.
I'm supposed to be studying.

322
00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:34,733
Francis, we re in the
middle of a film shoot.

323
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:38,570
I know, but I only got to come
out because Grandma fell asleep.

324
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:41,506
Don't you get summer
break in home school?

325
00:20:41,507 --> 00:20:43,976
Grandma says
summer break is for farmers.

326
00:20:43,977 --> 00:20:47,846
She's not going to
be thrilled about this lawn.

327
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:51,617
Okay, maybe we
can speed things up.

328
00:20:51,618 --> 00:20:54,953
If we show the werewolf
coming out of the coffin

329
00:20:54,954 --> 00:20:58,022
then we can get rid
of the establishing shot.

330
00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:02,693
Action!

331
00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:04,563
(SNEEZE)

332
00:21:04,564 --> 00:21:06,999
Stupid thing.

333
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,184
What's wrong with it?

334
00:21:09,185 --> 00:21:11,370
It's for magicians.
I never should have ordered it.

335
00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:13,805
(FRANCIS SNEEZES)

336
00:21:13,806 --> 00:21:15,774
Are you okay?

337
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:18,377
I may be having
an allergy attack.

338
00:21:18,378 --> 00:21:20,646
What are you allergic to?

339
00:21:20,647 --> 00:21:24,315
Grass, nuts, wheat, dairy, soy..

340
00:21:32,725 --> 00:21:40,065
It says here that the oyster
fork goes next to the spoon.

341
00:21:40,066 --> 00:21:42,034
That can't be right.

342
00:21:42,035 --> 00:21:44,903
We re not
serving oysters, Oscar.

343
00:21:44,904 --> 00:21:47,839
I'm going to go pick up
Lu's family from the airport.

344
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,509
I still can't believe
they flew out for this.

345
00:21:50,510 --> 00:21:51,743
Where are they staying?

346
00:21:51,744 --> 00:21:54,079
I invited them to stay with us.

347
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:55,080
What?

348
00:21:55,081 --> 00:21:56,615
You always told me to feel free

349
00:21:56,616 --> 00:21:58,317
to invite friends
home from school!

350
00:21:58,318 --> 00:22:00,419
Yeah, friends.

351
00:22:00,420 --> 00:22:03,755
Not entire families of
culturally conservative lesbians

352
00:22:03,756 --> 00:22:04,956
who want to marry my daughter!

353
00:22:04,957 --> 00:22:07,825
It's like I told you.

354
00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:10,696
Girls need a woman's touch
or they turn out, different.

355
00:22:10,697 --> 00:22:14,066
There's nothing different
about my daughters, Marge.

356
00:22:14,067 --> 00:22:17,335
Dad, could you
buy me a coffin?

357
00:22:19,505 --> 00:22:22,474
Um, no Zoe.

358
00:22:22,475 --> 00:22:25,844
Why would you want a coffin?

359
00:22:25,845 --> 00:22:28,547
I need one.

360
00:22:28,548 --> 00:22:33,051
Zoe, only dead
people need coffins.

361
00:22:33,052 --> 00:22:36,388
Here Zoe, come help
me with the place cards.

362
00:22:36,389 --> 00:22:38,390
We re having
company for dinner.

363
00:22:38,391 --> 00:22:39,558
Can I invite Francis?

364
00:22:39,559 --> 00:22:41,075
Sure.

365
00:22:41,076 --> 00:22:42,594
Hey, she needs to
take a shower first.

366
00:22:42,595 --> 00:22:46,731
Zoe, go wash up and put
on something more formal.

367
00:22:55,508 --> 00:22:58,576
(KNOCKING ON THE WINDOW)

368
00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:10,789
Hello, Mrs.McGillicuddy.

369
00:23:10,790 --> 00:23:12,524
Is there something wrong?

370
00:23:12,525 --> 00:23:16,762
I ll say there's something
wrong. My dog is missing.

371
00:23:16,763 --> 00:23:18,530
I'm sorry to hear that.

372
00:23:18,531 --> 00:23:21,533
I know your daughter had
something to do with this.

373
00:23:21,534 --> 00:23:23,535
Zilla?

374
00:23:23,536 --> 00:23:26,671
The little one. With the fangs.

375
00:23:26,672 --> 00:23:31,742
I'm sorry Mrs. McGillicuddy,
but Zoe doesn't even like dogs.

376
00:23:32,712 --> 00:23:35,147
I didn't say she liked them.

377
00:23:35,148 --> 00:23:37,516
The way she looks at Fifi...

378
00:23:37,517 --> 00:23:39,584
Like that cannibal man.

379
00:23:39,585 --> 00:23:41,953
Hannibal Lecter.

380
00:23:41,954 --> 00:23:47,024
Mrs. McGillicuddy, I promise
you Zoe did not eat your dog.

381
00:23:48,428 --> 00:23:51,462
But we ll be sure to let you
know if Fifi shows up, okay?

382
00:23:58,504 --> 00:23:59,871
Weirdo.

383
00:23:59,872 --> 00:24:01,573
Who's the weirdo, Sal?

384
00:24:01,574 --> 00:24:04,642
Your neighbor or your daughter?

385
00:24:10,983 --> 00:24:14,652
(LIGHT PIANO MUSIC)

386
00:24:41,581 --> 00:24:44,850
Zoe, I said put on
something more formal.

387
00:24:44,851 --> 00:24:47,518
Now hurry up,
they re almost here.

388
00:24:53,159 --> 00:24:56,227
Let's make sure everything
goes well. For Zilla's sake.

389
00:24:58,064 --> 00:25:00,130
(DOORBELL)

390
00:25:10,109 --> 00:25:11,743
Welcome!

391
00:25:11,744 --> 00:25:14,812
CORA: We re so happy
to finally meet you!

392
00:25:30,563 --> 00:25:32,797
So I said to Luna

393
00:25:32,798 --> 00:25:37,269
sweetheart, I don't care
if you marry a man a woman

394
00:25:37,270 --> 00:25:40,839
or one of those
bizarre transgender types.

395
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,308
All I want are grandchildren

396
00:25:43,309 --> 00:25:45,644
and with artificial
insemination these days

397
00:25:45,645 --> 00:25:47,312
that's entirely possible.

398
00:25:47,313 --> 00:25:52,317
I think Zilla wants to finish
college before she has kids.

399
00:25:52,318 --> 00:25:54,986
Well, naturally!

400
00:25:54,987 --> 00:25:57,722
But she won't
want to wait too long.

401
00:25:57,723 --> 00:26:01,126
I waited until I was older to
have children and quite frankly

402
00:26:01,127 --> 00:26:04,194
I think something
went wrong with my eggs.

403
00:26:06,065 --> 00:26:09,166
(WHISPER)
They re practically mutes.

404
00:26:11,704 --> 00:26:14,072
GEOFFREY: So you re a gay couple?

405
00:26:14,073 --> 00:26:17,075
OSCAR: Um, no.

406
00:26:17,076 --> 00:26:21,346
Mm mm, no no, we re
not any kind of couple.

407
00:26:21,347 --> 00:26:24,649
That would be an
incestuous relationship.

408
00:26:24,650 --> 00:26:26,051
We re brothers.

409
00:26:26,052 --> 00:26:27,819
GEOFFREY: Hmm.

410
00:26:27,820 --> 00:26:30,922
You come off like a gay couple.

411
00:26:30,923 --> 00:26:32,591
CORA: Anyway

412
00:26:32,592 --> 00:26:35,860
Have you thought about
what kind of ceremony you want?

413
00:26:35,861 --> 00:26:39,064
Well, I think we'd like
something very small

414
00:26:39,065 --> 00:26:42,167
and informal... with just
a few of our closest friends.

415
00:26:42,168 --> 00:26:46,236
Oh. Well that wouldn't
be very festive, would it?

416
00:26:47,940 --> 00:26:52,811
Don't be afraid to
splurge a little, sweetheart.

417
00:26:52,812 --> 00:26:57,282
Geoffrey and I have decided
we want to cover everything.

418
00:26:57,283 --> 00:27:01,152
We re delighted to
do it, aren't we dear?

419
00:27:01,153 --> 00:27:02,787
Ecstatic.

420
00:27:02,788 --> 00:27:04,823
Well now, wait a minute.

421
00:27:04,824 --> 00:27:07,225
Why should you pay?

422
00:27:07,226 --> 00:27:10,128
Well, it's traditional
for the bride's family

423
00:27:10,129 --> 00:27:12,097
to cover expenses.

424
00:27:12,098 --> 00:27:16,367
Yes, but there
are two brides here.

425
00:27:17,403 --> 00:27:19,938
Well I just thought that because

426
00:27:19,939 --> 00:27:23,141
we re really
extremely supportive.

427
00:27:23,142 --> 00:27:25,810
Now hey, I don't
think that's very fair.

428
00:27:25,811 --> 00:27:27,412
Sal was a little taken aback

429
00:27:27,413 --> 00:27:29,114
when Zilla said she
wanted to get married

430
00:27:29,115 --> 00:27:30,782
because she's so young.

431
00:27:30,783 --> 00:27:33,251
That doesn't mean
he's not supportive.

432
00:27:33,252 --> 00:27:35,120
He's very supportive.

433
00:27:35,121 --> 00:27:37,187
Are you?

434
00:27:39,392 --> 00:27:41,742
Yes.

435
00:27:41,743 --> 00:27:44,095
Sal has raised these two
little girls all on his own

436
00:27:44,096 --> 00:27:47,832
and yes, he gets a little surly
sometimes, don't get me wrong.

437
00:27:47,833 --> 00:27:50,068
He has a lot of weaknesses.

438
00:27:50,069 --> 00:27:54,305
Frankly, he's terrifying if you
wake him up early in the morning

439
00:27:54,306 --> 00:27:57,709
and if you spill just a little
bit of furniture varnish

440
00:27:57,710 --> 00:28:00,445
in the laundry machine..

441
00:28:00,446 --> 00:28:01,913
Watch out.

442
00:28:01,914 --> 00:28:02,814
He's also...

443
00:28:02,815 --> 00:28:05,817
Ahem, thanks Oscar.

444
00:28:05,818 --> 00:28:11,022
But overall he
is a very good guy.

445
00:28:11,023 --> 00:28:13,825
And so if you want to
have this competition of

446
00:28:13,826 --> 00:28:16,828
who's the most supportive parent

447
00:28:16,829 --> 00:28:20,230
I would like to nominate
Sal as a very strong contender.

448
00:28:26,906 --> 00:28:29,207
I'm not competing.

449
00:28:29,208 --> 00:28:34,078
We would be happy to
host Lu and Zilla's wedding.

450
00:28:34,947 --> 00:28:37,816
And we ll do everything
we can to make it special.

451
00:28:37,817 --> 00:28:42,853
Well if we host the
wedding, we ll go all out.

452
00:28:43,155 --> 00:28:47,959
Couldn't you both
host the wedding?

453
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:50,027
Jointly?

454
00:28:50,429 --> 00:28:55,834
I suppose we
could consider that.

455
00:28:55,835 --> 00:28:59,804
This is going to be
the best wedding since

456
00:28:59,805 --> 00:29:02,173
Prince William
and Kate Middleton!

457
00:29:02,174 --> 00:29:03,174
But we don't want.

458
00:29:03,175 --> 00:29:04,843
Now nonsense, sweetheart.

459
00:29:04,844 --> 00:29:08,113
Everyone says they
don't want a big wedding

460
00:29:08,114 --> 00:29:10,982
but I know it's
every girl's dream.

461
00:29:10,983 --> 00:29:16,053
And I know it's hard to plan a
wedding without your mother.

462
00:29:16,422 --> 00:29:19,457
But I've always
wanted another daughter

463
00:29:19,458 --> 00:29:23,261
and it doesn't look like I ll be
acquiring one via these buffoons

464
00:29:23,262 --> 00:29:26,431
any time soon.

465
00:29:26,432 --> 00:29:29,000
I'd be honored

466
00:29:29,001 --> 00:29:31,468
if you'd try to think
of me in that role.

467
00:29:32,905 --> 00:29:34,939
I ll be your new mother.

468
00:29:34,940 --> 00:29:35,974
(WINDOW SLIDES)

469
00:29:35,975 --> 00:29:38,543
MRS. MCGILLICUDDY: Mr. Balicki.

470
00:29:38,544 --> 00:29:41,812
I want you to
know that I found Fifi.

471
00:29:47,286 --> 00:29:48,820
Shorn.

472
00:29:48,821 --> 00:29:50,488
Humiliated.

473
00:29:50,489 --> 00:29:52,556
In hiding..

474
00:29:54,493 --> 00:29:56,560
Sweetheart.

475
00:30:04,537 --> 00:30:07,337
(SNEEZE)

476
00:30:13,245 --> 00:30:15,446
Zoe.

477
00:30:15,447 --> 00:30:19,017
Did you..

478
00:30:19,018 --> 00:30:22,921
Shave this dog?

479
00:30:22,922 --> 00:30:26,424
No...

480
00:30:26,425 --> 00:30:30,494
I used your gardening shears.

481
00:30:32,031 --> 00:30:33,998
That's it.

482
00:30:33,999 --> 00:30:36,367
I don't know what's
gotten into you lately but

483
00:30:36,368 --> 00:30:41,039
all this horror stuff
is getting too weird.

484
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:41,940
Give me that camera.

485
00:30:41,941 --> 00:30:42,941
But Dad...

486
00:30:42,942 --> 00:30:46,009
I'm serious.
Hand it over.

487
00:30:49,515 --> 00:30:52,050
No more horror films.

488
00:30:52,051 --> 00:30:55,118
If you want to film
something you can film..

489
00:30:59,925 --> 00:31:01,960
Your sister's wedding.

490
00:31:01,961 --> 00:31:04,027
Nothing else.

491
00:31:10,102 --> 00:31:14,371
(SOFT JAZZ PLAYS)

492
00:31:55,347 --> 00:31:57,414
Aaaaahhh!

493
00:32:28,447 --> 00:32:30,448
I need you to be
here in ten minutes

494
00:32:30,449 --> 00:32:33,284
with your werewolf costume
and a carton of denture wax.

495
00:32:33,285 --> 00:32:35,086
I ll see if I can
skip chess practice.

496
00:32:35,087 --> 00:32:36,421
But how come it's so important?

497
00:32:36,422 --> 00:32:38,222
Okay.

498
00:32:38,223 --> 00:32:40,024
You know those severed fingers
I was marinating in the fridge?

499
00:32:40,025 --> 00:32:42,042
Yeah.

500
00:32:42,043 --> 00:32:44,062
Well, Lu's mother came
downstairs dressed as a ghoul.

501
00:32:44,063 --> 00:32:45,964
Why would she
be dressed as a ghoul?

502
00:32:45,965 --> 00:32:47,565
I don't know, but she was.

503
00:32:47,566 --> 00:32:51,502
And she saw
the fingers and screamed.

504
00:32:51,503 --> 00:32:55,106
So I realized that
we can make a horror film

505
00:32:55,107 --> 00:32:59,176
without anybody realizing
that they re in the horror film.

506
00:33:00,679 --> 00:33:04,182
I'm... so confused right now.

507
00:33:04,183 --> 00:33:07,250
Never mind. Just come
over and I ll explain later.

508
00:33:12,424 --> 00:33:14,325
Did you sleep well?

509
00:33:14,326 --> 00:33:17,828
MARK: Yeah.

510
00:33:17,829 --> 00:33:21,332
There were a couple things
under the cushions, but..

511
00:33:21,333 --> 00:33:24,001
Once I took them
out, I slept great.

512
00:33:26,305 --> 00:33:28,005
GEOFFREY: Oh God.

513
00:33:28,006 --> 00:33:29,707
Could you avoid the
public displays of affection?

514
00:33:29,708 --> 00:33:30,708
We re eating.

515
00:33:30,709 --> 00:33:32,543
We just got engaged, Dad.

516
00:33:32,544 --> 00:33:34,545
Be grateful we re not
making out on the coffee table.

517
00:33:34,546 --> 00:33:36,681
Yes, thank you for that.

518
00:33:36,682 --> 00:33:38,549
I couldn't help noticing

519
00:33:38,550 --> 00:33:42,286
that the pickle jar is full of..

520
00:33:42,287 --> 00:33:43,287
Fingers.

521
00:33:43,288 --> 00:33:46,024
Oh yeah. That's Zoe.

522
00:33:46,025 --> 00:33:49,427
My advice would be if you re
squeamish about anything like

523
00:33:49,428 --> 00:33:51,396
severed body parts..

524
00:33:51,397 --> 00:33:54,065
Never open the fridge.

525
00:33:54,066 --> 00:33:57,235
Eat canned food.

526
00:33:57,236 --> 00:34:00,254
Well..

527
00:34:00,255 --> 00:34:03,274
This is going to
be a marvelous day!

528
00:34:03,275 --> 00:34:06,310
Wedding dress shopping!

529
00:34:06,311 --> 00:34:07,678
Wedding dress shopping?

530
00:34:07,679 --> 00:34:10,148
If Mom can
incorporate shopping

531
00:34:10,149 --> 00:34:12,283
into her daily
routine, she will.

532
00:34:12,284 --> 00:34:16,054
Shopping for that kind of girly
stuff really makes me nervous.

533
00:34:16,055 --> 00:34:19,190
All those perfume smells..
And the makeup counter..

534
00:34:19,191 --> 00:34:22,260
Well, we only have a
month to plan the wedding.

535
00:34:22,261 --> 00:34:25,063
Dresses take time.

536
00:34:25,064 --> 00:34:28,499
Are you sure you
don't want to rethink.

537
00:34:28,500 --> 00:34:30,168
Mom.

538
00:34:30,169 --> 00:34:33,571
The wedding has to be in June.

539
00:34:33,572 --> 00:34:35,606
My residency starts in July.

540
00:34:35,607 --> 00:34:37,542
Saturday June 30th

541
00:34:37,543 --> 00:34:39,110
end of story.

542
00:34:39,111 --> 00:34:41,746
Then shopping is
definitely in order.

543
00:34:41,747 --> 00:34:46,817
In fact, we'd better shop
for the entire bridal party!

544
00:34:48,487 --> 00:34:52,090
Will you be joining us?

545
00:34:52,091 --> 00:34:57,127
Um, no. Thank you for the
thought. I have to work.

546
00:34:57,429 --> 00:35:02,499
Oscar will be going
along to represent the family.

547
00:35:04,703 --> 00:35:08,106
You don't work?

548
00:35:08,107 --> 00:35:11,142
Um, I would say I'm temporarily

549
00:35:11,143 --> 00:35:15,446
on a leave of
absence from official duties.

550
00:35:15,447 --> 00:35:17,348
You re unemployed.

551
00:35:17,349 --> 00:35:20,817
This is Portland.
Unemployment is more like...

552
00:35:22,754 --> 00:35:25,756
an art form.

553
00:35:25,757 --> 00:35:28,392
Can I come shopping?

554
00:35:28,393 --> 00:35:31,662
I'm sorry,
you want to go shopping?

555
00:35:31,663 --> 00:35:34,298
And since we ll be
doing wedding stuff

556
00:35:34,299 --> 00:35:38,803
I ll need my camera.

557
00:35:38,804 --> 00:35:40,872
I can shoot
the wedding planning.

558
00:35:40,873 --> 00:35:42,406
Like a documentary.

559
00:35:42,407 --> 00:35:46,511
OSCAR: Documentaries are educational.

560
00:35:46,512 --> 00:35:49,413
Fine.

561
00:35:49,414 --> 00:35:52,416
But I don't want any
weird horror stuff, alright?

562
00:35:52,417 --> 00:35:53,851
Have you thought about

563
00:35:53,852 --> 00:35:56,687
who's going to be
in your bridal party?

564
00:35:56,688 --> 00:35:59,106
Oh yes.

565
00:35:59,107 --> 00:36:01,526
Well of course Matt, Mark
and John will be on Lu's side.

566
00:36:01,527 --> 00:36:04,262
And on my side I ll have my
two best friends from Portland

567
00:36:04,263 --> 00:36:05,429
Pat and Angie.

568
00:36:05,430 --> 00:36:07,832
And Zoe's going
to be my flower girl!

569
00:36:07,833 --> 00:36:09,900
(BARF SOUND)

570
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:23,514
You re Pat.

571
00:36:23,515 --> 00:36:24,682
Patrick.

572
00:36:24,683 --> 00:36:26,551
It's so nice to meet you.

573
00:36:26,552 --> 00:36:30,922
Oh, no. Sorry guys,
but I promised your dad.

574
00:36:30,923 --> 00:36:33,590
No more horror stuff.

575
00:36:38,664 --> 00:36:42,299
(UPTEMPO, FUN JAZZ)

576
00:36:52,244 --> 00:36:54,245
How much to
unlock the rental car?

577
00:36:54,246 --> 00:36:56,714
MATT: How about ten bucks?

578
00:36:56,715 --> 00:36:58,649
We don't have that much.

579
00:36:58,650 --> 00:37:00,718
Maybe you could earn it.

580
00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:02,486
What would we have to do?

581
00:37:02,487 --> 00:37:05,923
I think a good prank would be a
timely diversion right about now

582
00:37:05,924 --> 00:37:07,658
I don't know any pranks.

583
00:37:07,659 --> 00:37:10,727
You ll have to think of one.

584
00:37:12,965 --> 00:37:15,616
Okay.

585
00:37:15,617 --> 00:37:18,269
What if we go into the shop
and hide everybody's clothes?

586
00:37:18,270 --> 00:37:20,338
And when they re done
trying on wedding stuff,

587
00:37:20,339 --> 00:37:25,676
all their clothes will be
gone and everyone will scream.

588
00:37:25,677 --> 00:37:27,744
You re on.

589
00:37:41,526 --> 00:37:44,428
There's my little flower girl!

590
00:37:44,429 --> 00:37:46,496
We've got to get you
into your dress, dear.

591
00:37:58,377 --> 00:38:00,978
Um, where do I put my clothes?

592
00:38:00,979 --> 00:38:04,047
SALES LADY: We can put them in
a garment bag for you, dear.

593
00:38:11,790 --> 00:38:16,693
(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC)

594
00:38:36,615 --> 00:38:39,850
Alright, I did it.
Now give me the keys.

595
00:38:39,851 --> 00:38:41,652
Nice dress.

596
00:38:41,653 --> 00:38:43,554
I'd keep the
comments about the dress

597
00:38:43,555 --> 00:38:46,022
to a minimum if I were you.

598
00:38:53,432 --> 00:38:56,567
Okay. The werewolf
just climbed out of his coffin

599
00:38:56,568 --> 00:38:59,070
and he's wandering
around town lonely.

600
00:38:59,071 --> 00:39:01,438
He wants friends.

601
00:39:01,439 --> 00:39:03,808
But no one will be friends with
him because he's a monster.

602
00:39:03,809 --> 00:39:07,745
The only way he can make friends
is if they become monsters too.

603
00:39:07,746 --> 00:39:09,413
So he has to bite someone.

604
00:39:09,414 --> 00:39:12,917
Action.

605
00:39:12,918 --> 00:39:16,487
Now that is adorable.

606
00:39:16,488 --> 00:39:20,591
Oh, and what about this one?

607
00:39:20,592 --> 00:39:23,527
SALES LADY: Would you like to
try a mother-of-the-bride dress?

608
00:39:23,528 --> 00:39:26,730
Ooh, that would be lovely!

609
00:39:32,671 --> 00:39:34,705
I don't know,
it's kind of dumpy.

610
00:39:34,706 --> 00:39:35,906
I don't feel like any of these

611
00:39:35,907 --> 00:39:43,080
really capture my
true personality.

612
00:39:43,081 --> 00:39:45,482
You have to get higher up.

613
00:40:04,569 --> 00:40:07,638
But this would
look lovely on you!

614
00:40:07,639 --> 00:40:10,474
Mom, you know
I don't wear dresses.

615
00:40:10,475 --> 00:40:12,977
You don't normally
get married either Lu

616
00:40:12,978 --> 00:40:15,579
but I was hoping you
could make an exception

617
00:40:15,580 --> 00:40:18,449
for the most
elaborate day of your life.

618
00:40:18,450 --> 00:40:20,551
Now darling

619
00:40:20,552 --> 00:40:24,721
this would look
absolutely fabulous on you.

620
00:40:28,660 --> 00:40:32,963
Doesn't it just leave
you at a loss for words?

621
00:40:32,964 --> 00:40:34,031
Yes.

622
00:40:34,032 --> 00:40:36,801
Now this is me.

623
00:40:36,802 --> 00:40:39,904
Excuse me,
but that is out of the question.

624
00:40:39,905 --> 00:40:43,174
We are planning a
classic, black tie wedding.

625
00:40:43,175 --> 00:40:44,208
Oh, in Portland?

626
00:40:44,209 --> 00:40:46,777
I don't think I own a black tie.

627
00:40:46,778 --> 00:40:49,547
Well, it's your niece's
wedding. You can buy one.

628
00:40:49,548 --> 00:40:52,116
If Pat gets to wear
that, I want to wear this.

629
00:40:52,117 --> 00:40:53,517
Picture it with combat boots.

630
00:40:53,518 --> 00:40:55,119
Absolutely not.

631
00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:57,188
What we re going to need for
her is something with sleeves.

632
00:40:57,189 --> 00:40:58,955
Excuse me

633
00:40:58,956 --> 00:41:00,724
but I feel like my accoutrement
preferences are not being..

634
00:41:00,725 --> 00:41:02,742
Respected?

635
00:41:02,743 --> 00:41:04,762
I mean, I'm wearing pants.
Why can't he wear a dress?

636
00:41:04,763 --> 00:41:08,532
How come she gets to
wear pants and I don't?

637
00:41:08,533 --> 00:41:12,036
Hey. You re at a here, and I
need to see you at a here.

638
00:41:12,037 --> 00:41:13,737
I'd also be willing to wear
the blue taffeta

639
00:41:13,738 --> 00:41:15,138
with rhinestones.

640
00:41:15,139 --> 00:41:16,540
Maybe everyone
should wear all black.

641
00:41:16,541 --> 00:41:18,843
Ordinarily I think
rhinestones are super tacky

642
00:41:18,844 --> 00:41:20,678
but this is a wedding,
and we have to sparkle.

643
00:41:20,679 --> 00:41:22,146
Who are you, Liberace?

644
00:41:22,147 --> 00:41:24,482
I just want everyone
to feel comfortable..

645
00:41:24,483 --> 00:41:27,317
Comfortable? In that?

646
00:41:27,318 --> 00:41:30,154
Hey, I saw this exact same
look in the June issue of Vogue.

647
00:41:30,155 --> 00:41:31,822
On a man or a woman?

648
00:41:31,823 --> 00:41:33,257
I told you
we should have eloped.

649
00:41:33,258 --> 00:41:34,992
I volunteer to wear a tuxedo

650
00:41:34,993 --> 00:41:36,894
to balance out Pat's
slutty barmaid costume.

651
00:41:36,895 --> 00:41:38,863
It's not a slutty
barmaid costume

652
00:41:38,864 --> 00:41:40,064
it's a gown!

653
00:41:40,065 --> 00:41:42,500
I am not wearing a dress!

654
00:41:42,501 --> 00:41:47,505
This is not just choose
your favorite gender day!

655
00:41:47,506 --> 00:41:49,873
There are RULES.

656
00:41:53,512 --> 00:41:54,812
BRIDAL SHOP OWNER:
Where are the garment bags?

657
00:41:54,813 --> 00:41:56,247
SALES LADY:
The ones in the shipping closet?

658
00:41:56,248 --> 00:41:58,883
I sent them out on the
delivery truck half an hour ago.

659
00:41:58,884 --> 00:42:00,985
I didn't hang them
in the shipping closet.

660
00:42:00,986 --> 00:42:02,920
I hung them in
the dressing rooms.

661
00:42:02,921 --> 00:42:04,955
Those were not gowns.

662
00:42:04,956 --> 00:42:07,591
Those were everyone's clothes!

663
00:42:07,592 --> 00:42:09,026
Action!

664
00:42:09,027 --> 00:42:12,095
Grrrrraaaaauuuuuugggghhhh!!!

665
00:42:16,568 --> 00:42:21,272
Aaaaaaahhhhh!!!

666
00:42:21,273 --> 00:42:24,942
Get off of me! Get off of me
get off of me, get off of me

667
00:42:24,943 --> 00:42:27,678
I will put you
in your grave, little man!

668
00:42:27,679 --> 00:42:29,746
Mom! Mom!

669
00:42:37,088 --> 00:42:40,156
CORA: I will win! I will win..

670
00:42:49,568 --> 00:42:52,635
The damage comes to
$5,000 in ruined property.

671
00:43:04,849 --> 00:43:07,850
(UPTEMPO JAZZ PLAYS)

672
00:43:22,767 --> 00:43:25,035
You can't even go
wedding dress shopping

673
00:43:25,036 --> 00:43:26,971
without getting arrested?

674
00:43:26,972 --> 00:43:30,808
It was a
complicated situation, bro.

675
00:43:30,809 --> 00:43:32,710
Oscar.

676
00:43:32,711 --> 00:43:35,212
I asked you to
represent the family's interests

677
00:43:35,213 --> 00:43:38,281
and they ended up in jail.

678
00:43:46,224 --> 00:43:49,760
(ON ZOE'S CAMERA)
Roar! Rar!

679
00:43:49,761 --> 00:43:53,830
(ON ZOE'S CAMERA)
Aaaaaaahhh!!! What is-Ack! Eek!

680
00:43:58,103 --> 00:43:59,770
(ON ZOE'S CAMERA)
Rar!

681
00:43:59,771 --> 00:44:01,838
(ON ZOE'S CAMERA)
Aaaaaaahhh.

682
00:44:13,918 --> 00:44:17,221
(ON ZOE'S COMPUTER)
Roaaaar!

683
00:44:17,222 --> 00:44:19,288
(ON ZOE'S CAMERA)
Aaaaaaahhh!!!

684
00:44:49,220 --> 00:44:51,888
Roaaauuughhh!

685
00:45:19,084 --> 00:45:21,952
Rooaaaauurr!

686
00:45:21,953 --> 00:45:24,387
Aaaaaaaaahh!

687
00:45:29,928 --> 00:45:33,963
(FIGHT SOUNDS)

688
00:46:05,930 --> 00:46:08,966
I mean it's got to be
about a wedding, right?

689
00:46:08,967 --> 00:46:11,802
We re only allowed
to shoot wedding stuff.

690
00:46:11,803 --> 00:46:14,505
So the werewolf goes into
this wedding shop trying to

691
00:46:14,506 --> 00:46:17,941
bite people and
he looks up and sees a bride.

692
00:46:17,942 --> 00:46:21,445
And he falls in love.

693
00:46:21,446 --> 00:46:23,246
I don't know..

694
00:46:23,247 --> 00:46:25,048
Falling in love
isn't as cool as biting people.

695
00:46:25,049 --> 00:46:28,018
Francis, of course
he's going to bite people

696
00:46:28,019 --> 00:46:29,987
but there's got to be a plot.

697
00:46:29,988 --> 00:46:33,056
We can't be too picky,
the deadline's in three weeks.

698
00:46:33,057 --> 00:46:35,526
I don't see why they have
to get married in a church.

699
00:46:35,527 --> 00:46:38,829
I've always dreamed of seeing
my daughter married in a church.

700
00:46:38,830 --> 00:46:41,198
Besides,
weddings should be religious.

701
00:46:41,199 --> 00:46:42,533
We re Jewish.

702
00:46:42,534 --> 00:46:44,201
Non-practicing.

703
00:46:44,202 --> 00:46:46,586
Fine.

704
00:46:46,587 --> 00:46:48,972
So find a rabbi who's willing to
perform a same-sex marriage

705
00:46:48,973 --> 00:46:51,508
for non-practicing Jews,
and he can be there too.

706
00:46:51,509 --> 00:46:53,977
I found the perfect church.

707
00:46:53,978 --> 00:46:55,512
They re non-denominational,

708
00:46:55,513 --> 00:46:58,581
and they simply love the gays.

709
00:47:00,985 --> 00:47:02,486
Why is Francis here?

710
00:47:02,487 --> 00:47:04,955
Why is Francis always here?

711
00:47:04,956 --> 00:47:07,057
Francis, why are you
wearing this thing?

712
00:47:07,058 --> 00:47:08,392
I thought you were allergic.

713
00:47:08,393 --> 00:47:10,194
I have to practice, Mr. B.

714
00:47:10,195 --> 00:47:11,929
Well if you re coming
to the church with us

715
00:47:11,930 --> 00:47:13,463
you need to
at least take the mask off.

716
00:47:13,464 --> 00:47:16,032
It's not appropriate.

717
00:47:18,536 --> 00:47:21,238
Yeah, put it back on.

718
00:47:21,239 --> 00:47:23,974
I think it's fair to say
Mom won yesterday's brawl.

719
00:47:23,975 --> 00:47:26,577
Matt, honestly
it wasn't a brawl.

720
00:47:26,578 --> 00:47:29,079
It was a simple
miscommunication.

721
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:32,082
I couldn't help noticing
that I was being strangled

722
00:47:32,083 --> 00:47:34,017
so I reacted defensively.

723
00:47:34,018 --> 00:47:35,886
All's well that ends well.

724
00:47:35,887 --> 00:47:38,455
You consider doing jail time
ending well, do you?

725
00:47:38,456 --> 00:47:40,891
Well, we got what we came for.

726
00:47:40,892 --> 00:47:43,994
The dresses were purchased,
you could say we broke them in

727
00:47:43,995 --> 00:47:47,097
and Zilla and
Zoe will look lovely.

728
00:47:47,098 --> 00:47:49,032
As for the bridesmaids.

729
00:47:49,033 --> 00:47:52,169
I simply plan not to look at
that half of the wedding photos.

730
00:47:52,170 --> 00:47:55,238
Where is Zilla? It's time to go.

731
00:47:58,076 --> 00:47:59,943
You know..

732
00:47:59,944 --> 00:48:01,511
This dress we picked out..

733
00:48:01,512 --> 00:48:04,081
It's not really my style.

734
00:48:04,082 --> 00:48:05,649
I know it's not.

735
00:48:05,650 --> 00:48:09,286
I thought it was
some secret inner girliness

736
00:48:09,287 --> 00:48:11,922
coming out
after all these years.

737
00:48:11,923 --> 00:48:16,927
No, it's just...
Your mom really liked it.

738
00:48:16,928 --> 00:48:20,063
It's our wedding.
If you don't like it, return it.

739
00:48:20,064 --> 00:48:22,531
I don't want to
hurt your mother's feelings.

740
00:48:23,101 --> 00:48:25,669
Well, if you care more
about what other people think

741
00:48:25,670 --> 00:48:28,938
than being who
you are, then wear it.

742
00:48:33,111 --> 00:48:36,380
I don't get it, Zill. Either you
wear the dress or you return it.

743
00:48:36,381 --> 00:48:39,449
Those are your
only two options, right?

744
00:48:39,450 --> 00:48:41,517
Right.

745
00:48:42,186 --> 00:48:45,254
So what's the big deal?

746
00:48:50,461 --> 00:48:53,412
What is this?

747
00:48:53,413 --> 00:48:56,366
Oh, it's Portland. People
like to let each other go first.

748
00:48:56,367 --> 00:48:57,401
DRIVER: You go first.

749
00:48:57,402 --> 00:49:00,437
BIKER: No, you go first..

750
00:49:00,438 --> 00:49:03,240
No, no, you go first.

751
00:49:03,241 --> 00:49:04,675
Son of a bitch.

752
00:49:04,676 --> 00:49:05,676
DRIVER: You go first.

753
00:49:05,677 --> 00:49:06,710
BIKER: You go first!

754
00:49:06,711 --> 00:49:08,945
DRIVER: I won't!

755
00:49:12,016 --> 00:49:15,352
Well! You are
going to love this church.

756
00:49:15,353 --> 00:49:17,621
It is absolutely charming.

757
00:49:17,622 --> 00:49:20,991
I'm not really sure about
getting married in a church..

758
00:49:20,992 --> 00:49:23,360
I always imagined
an outdoor wedding.

759
00:49:23,361 --> 00:49:25,362
Well they have
very large windows.

760
00:49:25,363 --> 00:49:28,565
So that's almost
like being outside.

761
00:49:28,566 --> 00:49:32,035
So, the werewolf
falls in love with the bride.

762
00:49:32,036 --> 00:49:34,471
What would he do next?

763
00:49:34,472 --> 00:49:38,175
Would he maybe eat something?

764
00:49:38,176 --> 00:49:40,210
No, that's not what people
do when they re in love.

765
00:49:40,211 --> 00:49:42,612
They recite poetry and stuff.

766
00:49:42,613 --> 00:49:44,414
But you re not
ready to do that yet

767
00:49:44,415 --> 00:49:46,083
because you have a problem...

768
00:49:46,084 --> 00:49:48,652
The bride's in love
with someone else.

769
00:49:48,653 --> 00:49:51,021
So here's your
mission in the church.

770
00:49:51,022 --> 00:49:53,156
Make Zilla break up with Lu

771
00:49:53,157 --> 00:49:56,559
and fall in
love with you instead.

772
00:50:00,498 --> 00:50:01,999
It is nice.

773
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:04,066
See?

774
00:50:08,539 --> 00:50:12,241
(NATURE SOUNDS WITH SOFT MUSIC)

775
00:50:24,155 --> 00:50:26,289
PASTOR BOB: Welcome!

776
00:50:26,290 --> 00:50:28,425
I'm Pastor Bob and
this is my wife, Earth.

777
00:50:28,426 --> 00:50:30,160
You must be joking.

778
00:50:30,161 --> 00:50:33,730
No. My kids
call me Mother Earth.

779
00:50:33,731 --> 00:50:35,766
Her parents were hippies.

780
00:50:35,767 --> 00:50:38,235
Apparently it's genetic.

781
00:50:38,236 --> 00:50:43,240
This is my daughter
Luna and Zilla, her future...

782
00:50:43,241 --> 00:50:46,510
...What would you
call it, partner? Helpmate?

783
00:50:46,511 --> 00:50:48,111
Wife.

784
00:50:48,112 --> 00:50:49,579
Oh, just like us!

785
00:50:49,580 --> 00:50:52,416
Yes, just like regular people.

786
00:50:52,417 --> 00:50:56,153
Oh my God, I've never been
inside an actual church before.

787
00:50:56,154 --> 00:50:57,587
This is adorable!

788
00:50:57,588 --> 00:50:59,723
Zilla and Lu could
get married right now.

789
00:50:59,724 --> 00:51:02,526
I ll make the toast!

790
00:51:02,527 --> 00:51:04,528
To Zilla and Lu.

791
00:51:04,529 --> 00:51:06,329
I hope your daughters
aren't dirty sluts

792
00:51:06,330 --> 00:51:09,132
like we were in high school.

793
00:51:09,133 --> 00:51:12,201
That's the Blood of Christ.

794
00:51:16,441 --> 00:51:20,477
Yeah, that's very nice, Zoe.

795
00:51:20,478 --> 00:51:23,447
Now the first step to getting
married at the Church of Peace

796
00:51:23,448 --> 00:51:25,682
is to do an interview
of the significant parties.

797
00:51:25,683 --> 00:51:29,419
So if the significant parties
could step right this way..

798
00:51:29,420 --> 00:51:32,122
We re all significant.

799
00:51:32,123 --> 00:51:34,825
Okay, we ll get more chairs.

800
00:51:34,826 --> 00:51:37,427
Alright, make
Zilla fall in love with you.

801
00:51:37,428 --> 00:51:39,462
Action.

802
00:51:45,236 --> 00:51:46,803
Is there a problem?

803
00:51:46,804 --> 00:51:49,106
How do you make a
girl fall in love with you?

804
00:51:49,107 --> 00:51:52,174
I don't know. You ll probably
have to kiss her or something.

805
00:51:54,345 --> 00:51:56,229
So tell me.

806
00:51:56,230 --> 00:51:58,115
What makes you want to get
married at the Church of Peace

807
00:51:58,116 --> 00:52:01,184
Well, the building is charming.

808
00:52:01,185 --> 00:52:03,420
I mean it's precious.

809
00:52:03,421 --> 00:52:05,422
And also,
you re Christian, right?

810
00:52:05,423 --> 00:52:07,124
Well, of course!

811
00:52:07,125 --> 00:52:10,293
And when was the last time each
of you actually went to church?

812
00:52:10,294 --> 00:52:14,731
Ah well, that would be
at my godson's baptism in

813
00:52:14,732 --> 00:52:17,300
um.. Oh, um.

814
00:52:17,301 --> 00:52:19,368
1987?

815
00:52:20,505 --> 00:52:22,205
It was more recent than that.

816
00:52:22,206 --> 00:52:24,741
And I'm sure there have
been several times in between.

817
00:52:24,742 --> 00:52:27,526
And the rest of you?

818
00:52:27,527 --> 00:52:30,313
I guess that would be
my marriage to my ex-wife.

819
00:52:30,314 --> 00:52:33,383
Which was sixteen years ago.

820
00:52:33,384 --> 00:52:35,185
My father's funeral.

821
00:52:35,186 --> 00:52:37,203
Which is ironic

822
00:52:37,204 --> 00:52:39,222
because that son-of-a-bitch
is almost definitely in hell.

823
00:52:39,223 --> 00:52:41,858
I'm Jewish.

824
00:52:41,859 --> 00:52:43,627
FRANCIS: I can't just kiss her.

825
00:52:43,628 --> 00:52:47,531
Besides, my werewolf
nose will get in the way.

826
00:52:47,532 --> 00:52:50,200
Give her a hug then.

827
00:52:50,201 --> 00:52:54,604
Maybe we ll just skip
along to the next question.

828
00:52:54,605 --> 00:52:58,341
Do you believe in
God the Father Almighty

829
00:52:58,342 --> 00:53:01,578
who sacrificed his
only begotten Son

830
00:53:01,579 --> 00:53:03,246
to save us from our sins?

831
00:53:03,247 --> 00:53:04,247
GEOFFREY: No.

832
00:53:04,248 --> 00:53:05,248
LU: Dad.

833
00:53:05,249 --> 00:53:07,584
What? I'm an atheist.

834
00:53:07,585 --> 00:53:10,653
Me too! We have
so much in common.

835
00:53:15,259 --> 00:53:17,726
Um, thanks Francis.

836
00:53:24,635 --> 00:53:27,470
I don't think she went for it.

837
00:53:27,471 --> 00:53:30,674
That was my
best possible hug.

838
00:53:30,675 --> 00:53:32,909
Well, try to take
things to the next level.

839
00:53:32,910 --> 00:53:33,977
OSCAR: I'm a Jew

840
00:53:33,978 --> 00:53:35,679
who converted to Catholicism

841
00:53:35,680 --> 00:53:38,648
to marry my ex-wife
then got divorced

842
00:53:38,649 --> 00:53:41,751
which completely goes against
the rules of Catholicism.

843
00:53:41,752 --> 00:53:44,821
So I'm not really
sure what I am now.

844
00:53:44,822 --> 00:53:46,656
I'm a Neo-Mennonite.

845
00:53:46,657 --> 00:53:48,391
Excuse me?

846
00:53:48,392 --> 00:53:50,459
Wicca.

847
00:53:52,763 --> 00:53:55,398
Okay well, um

848
00:53:55,399 --> 00:53:58,335
what really matters here
is what the brides believe.

849
00:53:58,336 --> 00:54:00,237
So, Lu and Zilla?

850
00:54:00,238 --> 00:54:02,405
I would describe
myself as Christian.

851
00:54:02,406 --> 00:54:03,540
You would?

852
00:54:03,541 --> 00:54:05,308
Yeah.

853
00:54:05,309 --> 00:54:07,377
Oh. Well...

854
00:54:07,378 --> 00:54:09,779
I guess I'm not really
sure what I believe in.

855
00:54:09,780 --> 00:54:11,982
I mean, it seems to me like

856
00:54:11,983 --> 00:54:15,285
a lot of religions could
be on the right track.

857
00:54:15,286 --> 00:54:17,921
But I do believe in spirituality
and being nice to people.

858
00:54:17,922 --> 00:54:20,990
Francis, get the hell off me..

859
00:54:26,697 --> 00:54:30,533
I don't usually swear.

860
00:54:30,534 --> 00:54:32,502
That was pathetic.

861
00:54:32,503 --> 00:54:35,505
Obviously, she's a lesbian.

862
00:54:35,506 --> 00:54:36,706
PASTOR BOB: Next question...

863
00:54:36,707 --> 00:54:40,010
Um, if you were to have children

864
00:54:40,011 --> 00:54:42,779
would you raise
them in the Christian faith?

865
00:54:42,780 --> 00:54:44,948
We haven't
really discussed that.

866
00:54:44,949 --> 00:54:46,783
What have you discussed?

867
00:54:46,784 --> 00:54:48,752
You don't even
know what religion she is.

868
00:54:48,753 --> 00:54:50,754
We've discussed
that we love each other.

869
00:54:50,755 --> 00:54:52,856
So you re divorced

870
00:54:52,857 --> 00:54:56,593
your sister is divorced,
your brother is divorced

871
00:54:56,594 --> 00:54:58,662
and your parents were divorced?

872
00:54:58,663 --> 00:55:00,813
Yeah.

873
00:55:00,814 --> 00:55:02,966
Basically everyone in
my family gets divorced.

874
00:55:02,967 --> 00:55:04,367
DELIVERY MAN: Hey, Pastor Bob?

875
00:55:04,368 --> 00:55:05,902
Delivery from
Stump Town Funeral?

876
00:55:05,903 --> 00:55:08,872
Oh, yes. If you could
just put it by the organ.

877
00:55:08,873 --> 00:55:10,974
One of our parishioners
passed this week

878
00:55:10,975 --> 00:55:13,943
so the family asked if they
could deliver the casket here.

879
00:55:13,944 --> 00:55:16,513
It's made from
Oregon pine and Eco-friendly

880
00:55:16,514 --> 00:55:18,348
pesticide-free glue.

881
00:55:18,349 --> 00:55:19,683
GEOFFREY: Oh, good.

882
00:55:19,684 --> 00:55:22,085
Because I'd hate to be
poisoned with pesticide

883
00:55:22,086 --> 00:55:25,588
on top of already being dead.

884
00:55:25,589 --> 00:55:27,957
Look, can we move things along?

885
00:55:27,958 --> 00:55:30,360
Evidently,
I have to go pick up the wine

886
00:55:30,361 --> 00:55:33,429
and I need to take these
three little faggots with me..

887
00:55:36,701 --> 00:55:38,435
Oh, I'm sorry.

888
00:55:38,436 --> 00:55:42,504
Is that word no longer
PC because of this situation?

889
00:55:44,742 --> 00:55:47,644
It-it was never..

890
00:55:47,645 --> 00:55:52,082
Oh, please don't touch that!
That's someone else's coffin.

891
00:55:52,083 --> 00:55:55,785
Well.
To return to the interview..

892
00:55:55,786 --> 00:55:58,488
Do you follow the
Ten Commandments?

893
00:55:58,489 --> 00:55:59,989
What exactly are those again?

894
00:55:59,990 --> 00:56:01,890
You know

895
00:56:01,891 --> 00:56:03,793
thou shalt not lie, thou
shalt not break the Sabbath..

896
00:56:03,794 --> 00:56:08,498
I sometimes break the Sabbath

897
00:56:08,499 --> 00:56:11,134
even though
I'm disputably Catholic.

898
00:56:11,135 --> 00:56:12,635
How?

899
00:56:12,636 --> 00:56:14,371
Well you know

900
00:56:14,372 --> 00:56:16,039
if I need money?

901
00:56:16,040 --> 00:56:18,675
Sometimes I just take it.

902
00:56:18,676 --> 00:56:20,477
From whom?

903
00:56:20,478 --> 00:56:22,445
Usually from my mom's purse.

904
00:56:22,446 --> 00:56:24,581
You steal from Mom?

905
00:56:24,582 --> 00:56:27,016
She would give me the money
if I asked her

906
00:56:27,017 --> 00:56:29,018
but she can't hear!

907
00:56:29,019 --> 00:56:30,903
Hurry, get in

908
00:56:30,904 --> 00:56:32,789
and we can reshoot the
coffin scene before anyone sees.

909
00:56:32,790 --> 00:56:33,990
Are you sure?

910
00:56:33,991 --> 00:56:36,393
Of course.
Nobody else is using it.

911
00:56:36,394 --> 00:56:39,596
So what you re
saying is that you

912
00:56:39,597 --> 00:56:41,798
do sometimes steal

913
00:56:41,799 --> 00:56:44,466
from your
mother on the Sabbath.

914
00:56:49,607 --> 00:56:50,507
Yes.

915
00:56:50,508 --> 00:56:51,641
You idiot!

916
00:56:51,642 --> 00:56:52,909
GEOFFREY: Okay, look.

917
00:56:52,910 --> 00:56:55,978
Let's cut to the chase.
How much do you want?

918
00:56:56,747 --> 00:56:58,814
Excuse me?

919
00:56:58,815 --> 00:57:00,884
What does a normal family
pay to get married here?

920
00:57:00,885 --> 00:57:02,951
We ll double it.

921
00:57:17,668 --> 00:57:21,070
You.. Can't..

922
00:57:21,071 --> 00:57:25,642
Get married here..

923
00:57:25,643 --> 00:57:28,710
Mm mm. No.

924
00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:38,087
Isn't it a little un-Christian

925
00:57:38,088 --> 00:57:41,624
to ban an entire family
from going to church?

926
00:57:41,625 --> 00:57:43,893
Unwelcoming, I think.

927
00:57:43,894 --> 00:57:46,663
I mean as far as
they re concerned

928
00:57:46,664 --> 00:57:49,832
they are
dooming us all to Hell..

929
00:57:52,770 --> 00:57:56,005
Zoe, I was being figurative.

930
00:57:56,006 --> 00:57:57,540
Guys. I need your help.

931
00:57:57,541 --> 00:57:59,576
I didn't get any
good footage today.

932
00:57:59,577 --> 00:58:01,945
Will you put on these
masks and do a monster dance?

933
00:58:01,946 --> 00:58:04,714
It's really easy.
Francis choreographed it.

934
00:58:04,715 --> 00:58:06,249
CORA: What I don't understand

935
00:58:06,250 --> 00:58:10,186
is why they were so
upset about a little thing

936
00:58:10,187 --> 00:58:14,123
like breaking the
Ten Commandments.

937
00:58:14,124 --> 00:58:17,227
Everyone breaks a
commandment sooner or later.

938
00:58:17,228 --> 00:58:19,128
It's not like it's a mortal sin.

939
00:58:19,129 --> 00:58:22,999
Actually I think it's the
definition of a mortal sin.

940
00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:25,667
Well, maybe it's for the best.

941
00:58:26,537 --> 00:58:28,137
What do you mean, Zill?

942
00:58:28,138 --> 00:58:31,808
I mean, maybe my dad was right.

943
00:58:31,809 --> 00:58:33,176
We barely even know each other.

944
00:58:33,177 --> 00:58:35,979
I didn't even
know you were a Christian.

945
00:58:35,980 --> 00:58:37,947
That's not the most
important thing about me.

946
00:58:37,948 --> 00:58:39,148
And we never discussed

947
00:58:39,149 --> 00:58:41,684
how we re going
to raise our children

948
00:58:41,685 --> 00:58:43,786
We don't even know
if we re gonna have children.

949
00:58:43,787 --> 00:58:47,090
And everyone in my
family gets a divorce!

950
00:58:47,091 --> 00:58:49,926
Hey, hey, but it's not
without good reason.

951
00:58:49,927 --> 00:58:53,263
I mean, your
grandparents had a fundamental

952
00:58:53,264 --> 00:58:57,166
difference of opinion regarding
the definition of monogamy

953
00:58:57,167 --> 00:59:00,103
and my wife?

954
00:59:00,104 --> 00:59:05,073
She was,
quite frankly, psychotic.

955
00:59:07,011 --> 00:59:09,546
Zilla.

956
00:59:09,547 --> 00:59:11,047
Ever since we started
planning this wedding

957
00:59:11,048 --> 00:59:13,715
you haven't been yourself.

958
00:59:15,052 --> 00:59:18,320
(CRYING SOUNDS)

959
00:59:25,262 --> 00:59:29,131
What's going on?

960
00:59:30,067 --> 00:59:34,269
Zoe, what is this?

961
00:59:35,239 --> 00:59:39,309
It's not enough that you
humiliated us at church today?

962
00:59:39,310 --> 00:59:42,011
It's not enough that you re
ruining your sister's wedding?

963
00:59:42,012 --> 00:59:45,714
Can't you see how unhappy
you re making your sister?

964
00:59:47,651 --> 00:59:51,154
I am ashamed
I ever let you buy this camera.

965
00:59:51,155 --> 00:59:55,058
I am ashamed that I
didn't put a stop to this

966
00:59:55,059 --> 00:59:58,995
horror business
the moment it started.

967
00:59:58,996 --> 01:00:01,130
You know what, Zoe?

968
01:00:01,131 --> 01:00:04,199
I guess I'm just
ashamed of you.

969
01:00:42,139 --> 01:00:43,706
What are you doing?

970
01:00:43,707 --> 01:00:45,708
I'm leaving.

971
01:00:45,709 --> 01:00:46,843
How come?

972
01:00:46,844 --> 01:00:50,113
You heard him!
He's ashamed of me.

973
01:00:50,114 --> 01:00:54,183
Where will you go?

974
01:00:54,184 --> 01:00:56,719
I ll stay at your
house tonight, and then..

975
01:00:56,720 --> 01:00:58,421
I ll go live with my mom.

976
01:00:58,422 --> 01:01:00,156
Do you even know where she is?

977
01:01:00,157 --> 01:01:03,693
No, but I ll find her.

978
01:01:03,694 --> 01:01:06,796
What about the horror film?

979
01:01:06,797 --> 01:01:09,264
It's over.

980
01:01:16,774 --> 01:01:19,775
(HE GRUNTS AND GROANS)

981
01:01:33,691 --> 01:01:37,926
We need help
locating a missing person.

982
01:01:38,896 --> 01:01:41,030
Does this appear to
be a police station to you?

983
01:01:41,031 --> 01:01:44,367
No, but you re the only adult
we know who's talking to us.

984
01:01:44,368 --> 01:01:47,003
Well, I do happen to
be an expert on crime.

985
01:01:47,004 --> 01:01:49,471
This person isn't a criminal...

986
01:01:50,274 --> 01:01:51,774
we think.

987
01:01:51,775 --> 01:01:53,076
Well, who is it?

988
01:01:53,077 --> 01:01:54,844
Her mom.

989
01:01:54,845 --> 01:01:56,145
Your mother's missing?

990
01:01:56,146 --> 01:01:57,146
Yes.

991
01:01:57,147 --> 01:01:58,214
For how long?

992
01:01:58,215 --> 01:01:59,949
About ten years.

993
01:01:59,950 --> 01:02:01,250
How old are you?

994
01:02:01,251 --> 01:02:03,086
Ten.

995
01:02:03,087 --> 01:02:04,320
I see.

996
01:02:04,321 --> 01:02:06,189
So this isn't so
much a missing person

997
01:02:06,190 --> 01:02:07,990
as it is a person who
intentionally abandoned

998
01:02:07,991 --> 01:02:09,959
her daughter and
hasn't been seen since

999
01:02:09,960 --> 01:02:10,927
is that right?

1000
01:02:10,928 --> 01:02:12,028
Yes.

1001
01:02:12,029 --> 01:02:13,212
And has it occurred to you that

1002
01:02:13,213 --> 01:02:14,397
she might have
done this for a reason?

1003
01:02:14,398 --> 01:02:16,215
As in, rather
than failing to share

1004
01:02:16,216 --> 01:02:18,034
this information with you
because it slipped her mind

1005
01:02:18,035 --> 01:02:19,469
she may have made
a deliberate decision

1006
01:02:19,470 --> 01:02:20,903
that she doesn't
want to be bothered

1007
01:02:20,904 --> 01:02:22,472
by a sniveling cretin
who can't even remember

1008
01:02:22,473 --> 01:02:24,006
to clean under her fingernails?

1009
01:02:24,007 --> 01:02:26,042
You don't clean
under your fingernails!

1010
01:02:26,043 --> 01:02:27,226
DWAYNE: Digression!

1011
01:02:27,227 --> 01:02:28,411
You re completely
drifting from the point.

1012
01:02:28,412 --> 01:02:29,946
Your mother
doesn't even know me.

1013
01:02:29,947 --> 01:02:32,248
Try to be more logical.

1014
01:02:32,249 --> 01:02:34,183
We just want help finding her.

1015
01:02:34,184 --> 01:02:36,419
Look, if your mother
doesn't want to meet you

1016
01:02:36,420 --> 01:02:38,788
forcing the acquaintance on her
is not the kind of situation

1017
01:02:38,789 --> 01:02:40,857
that's going to lead
to love and cupcakes.

1018
01:02:40,858 --> 01:02:43,760
Meanwhile, I've been
working on your horror film.

1019
01:02:43,761 --> 01:02:45,444
I've designed a
trip wedding cake

1020
01:02:45,445 --> 01:02:47,130
that when you cut into
it, it spurts fake blood.

1021
01:02:47,131 --> 01:02:49,766
You wanna see?

1022
01:02:49,767 --> 01:02:51,834
We re here
for information.

1023
01:02:51,835 --> 01:02:52,869
Fine.

1024
01:02:52,870 --> 01:02:54,804
Have you
checked Facebook?

1025
01:02:54,805 --> 01:02:56,339
She doesn't have an account.

1026
01:02:56,340 --> 01:02:57,540
DWAYNE: Well when I was a boy

1027
01:02:57,541 --> 01:02:59,008
we had an
old-fashioned device known

1028
01:02:59,009 --> 01:03:00,476
as a telephone book.

1029
01:03:00,477 --> 01:03:02,945
You could look up
addresses in a small metal hovel

1030
01:03:02,946 --> 01:03:04,881
known as a
telephone booth.

1031
01:03:04,882 --> 01:03:07,116
There's one conveniently
located at the bus station.

1032
01:03:07,117 --> 01:03:12,054
You could look her up
and get right on a bus..

1033
01:03:12,055 --> 01:03:13,923
I suggest you
avoid this step though!

1034
01:03:13,924 --> 01:03:15,858
You re only setting
yourself up for pain.

1035
01:03:15,859 --> 01:03:17,426
I have to find her.

1036
01:03:17,427 --> 01:03:19,295
My dad doesn't love me.

1037
01:03:19,296 --> 01:03:21,363
Actually, I'd say

1038
01:03:21,364 --> 01:03:23,432
all evidence so far points to
your mother not loving you.

1039
01:03:23,433 --> 01:03:26,202
Although I suppose it's possible
that neither of them do.

1040
01:03:26,203 --> 01:03:28,220
What do you know?

1041
01:03:28,221 --> 01:03:30,238
The only thing you re
good at is horror stuff!

1042
01:03:32,509 --> 01:03:35,177
I also
specialize in magic!

1043
01:03:56,266 --> 01:03:59,969
I never wanted
to be like my mom.

1044
01:03:59,970 --> 01:04:01,604
You re not.

1045
01:04:01,605 --> 01:04:03,606
How do you know?

1046
01:04:03,607 --> 01:04:05,524
My dad's been telling me

1047
01:04:05,525 --> 01:04:07,443
my whole life not to rush
into things but I always do.

1048
01:04:07,444 --> 01:04:09,345
Just like her.

1049
01:04:09,346 --> 01:04:11,881
She rushed into getting married

1050
01:04:11,882 --> 01:04:13,349
when she was
too young to commit

1051
01:04:13,350 --> 01:04:14,917
and she rushed
into having children

1052
01:04:14,918 --> 01:04:17,119
before she was old
enough to realize that

1053
01:04:17,120 --> 01:04:20,423
she didn't even want us.

1054
01:04:20,424 --> 01:04:23,259
So marriage didn't
work out for her.

1055
01:04:23,260 --> 01:04:25,628
It works out for some people.

1056
01:04:25,629 --> 01:04:28,064
It will for us.

1057
01:04:28,065 --> 01:04:30,466
How do you know?

1058
01:04:30,467 --> 01:04:32,534
I just do.

1059
01:04:34,037 --> 01:04:35,371
That doesn't seem
like a good enough

1060
01:04:35,372 --> 01:04:38,975
reason to go through with this.

1061
01:04:38,976 --> 01:04:40,409
You know what?
You re right.

1062
01:04:40,410 --> 01:04:42,945
You do rush into things.

1063
01:04:42,946 --> 01:04:46,415
You rushed into trying
out for the soccer team

1064
01:04:46,416 --> 01:04:48,618
when you were
only a freshman.

1065
01:04:48,619 --> 01:04:52,588
And you made varsity.
You rushed into pre-med.

1066
01:04:52,589 --> 01:04:55,992
And now you re on track
to graduate with honors.

1067
01:04:55,993 --> 01:05:01,130
It's one of the things
that I love about you.

1068
01:05:01,131 --> 01:05:04,634
You re impulsive and passionate

1069
01:05:04,635 --> 01:05:07,904
and you jump into the
things you care about..

1070
01:05:07,905 --> 01:05:11,907
And see them through.

1071
01:05:14,645 --> 01:05:17,246
Why would marriage work for
me when it hasn't worked out

1072
01:05:17,247 --> 01:05:20,616
for anyone
else in my family?

1073
01:05:20,617 --> 01:05:22,585
I think marriage would have
worked out for your dad

1074
01:05:22,586 --> 01:05:26,222
if he'd married somebody
a little bit more like himself.

1075
01:05:26,223 --> 01:05:29,158
Look how well he
did raising you and Zoe

1076
01:05:29,159 --> 01:05:31,627
all by himself.

1077
01:05:31,628 --> 01:05:35,631
You don't think we
turned out kind of weird?

1078
01:05:35,632 --> 01:05:39,168
Yeah, I do.

1079
01:05:39,169 --> 01:05:42,371
You re weird when you laugh.

1080
01:05:42,372 --> 01:05:46,275
It's weird when you eat
leftover soup for breakfast.

1081
01:05:46,276 --> 01:05:51,180
You have this weird little dent

1082
01:05:51,181 --> 01:05:54,649
on your lip
from when you bite it.

1083
01:06:01,058 --> 01:06:05,361
I love all the
weird things about you.

1084
01:06:05,362 --> 01:06:09,031
That's how I know
you re the one for me.

1085
01:06:09,032 --> 01:06:12,702
I love all the weird
things about you, too.

1086
01:06:12,703 --> 01:06:15,403
Then let's get married.

1087
01:06:27,985 --> 01:06:31,486
Are we to understand
the wedding's back on?

1088
01:06:34,458 --> 01:06:36,993
And where's it
going to take place?

1089
01:06:36,994 --> 01:06:39,996
We thought we
could just get married here.

1090
01:06:39,997 --> 01:06:43,299
That's a fabulous idea.

1091
01:06:43,300 --> 01:06:46,302
I'm picturing..

1092
01:06:46,303 --> 01:06:49,371
Swans.
On the lawn.

1093
01:06:52,209 --> 01:06:54,043
By the way

1094
01:06:54,044 --> 01:06:58,047
I couldn't help
noticing that Zoe's gone.

1095
01:06:58,048 --> 01:07:00,149
What do you mean, gone?

1096
01:07:00,150 --> 01:07:03,052
Well I went upstairs to
press her flower girl dress

1097
01:07:03,053 --> 01:07:04,453
and she wasn't there.

1098
01:07:04,454 --> 01:07:06,555
The bed didn't look
like it had been slept in.

1099
01:07:06,556 --> 01:07:08,457
Maybe she ran away.

1100
01:07:08,458 --> 01:07:10,292
She was pretty upset last night.

1101
01:07:10,293 --> 01:07:14,330
Did it look like she packed
her clothes or anything?

1102
01:07:14,331 --> 01:07:18,400
No, but that vampire poster
on her wall was missing..

1103
01:07:21,338 --> 01:07:24,507
Frankly, I felt it
looked better without it.

1104
01:07:24,508 --> 01:07:26,575
You two search the house.

1105
01:07:26,576 --> 01:07:29,244
I ll go find Francis.

1106
01:07:33,517 --> 01:07:37,318
Duh nuh nuh nuh!
Duh nuh nuh nuh! Duh nuh!

1107
01:07:43,226 --> 01:07:45,661
Uh, two in one morning!
This is really too much.

1108
01:07:45,662 --> 01:07:48,431
I can't deal with
these kind of interruptions.

1109
01:07:48,432 --> 01:07:52,768
Oh. It's you again.
What do you want?

1110
01:07:52,769 --> 01:07:54,136
Do you know
my daughter?

1111
01:07:54,137 --> 01:07:55,805
Zoe Balicki.

1112
01:07:55,806 --> 01:07:57,807
I might.

1113
01:07:57,808 --> 01:08:02,445
She's about this tall,
and she always carries a camera.

1114
01:08:02,446 --> 01:08:05,714
She's not dead
or anything, is she?

1115
01:08:05,715 --> 01:08:06,749
Of course not.

1116
01:08:06,750 --> 01:08:09,351
Fine.
She came in this morning.

1117
01:08:09,352 --> 01:08:13,522
Yes, I believe she
was asking you for advice?

1118
01:08:13,523 --> 01:08:16,325
A lot of people
ask me for advice.

1119
01:08:16,326 --> 01:08:18,494
I can't always keep
track of what I tell them.

1120
01:08:18,495 --> 01:08:20,329
You told Zoe to go
to the bus station and

1121
01:08:20,330 --> 01:08:21,697
look up her mom
in the phone book

1122
01:08:21,698 --> 01:08:24,233
and then you said she.

1123
01:08:24,234 --> 01:08:26,669
Listen, we re not
accusing you of anything.

1124
01:08:26,670 --> 01:08:28,887
We just want to find her.

1125
01:08:28,888 --> 01:08:31,107
Well, then I suggest you
take the advice of this small

1126
01:08:31,108 --> 01:08:34,610
flesh-eating carnivore,
and call the bus station.

1127
01:08:34,611 --> 01:08:38,280
I'm dialing right now.

1128
01:08:38,281 --> 01:08:42,317
You know, I wouldn't
say this to her face but

1129
01:08:43,253 --> 01:08:44,854
your daughter's fairly talented.

1130
01:08:44,855 --> 01:08:47,139
I've seen her horror films

1131
01:08:47,140 --> 01:08:49,425
and she has the potential
to really be someone.

1132
01:08:49,426 --> 01:08:50,793
Someone like you?

1133
01:08:50,794 --> 01:08:53,462
I have chosen to focus
my talents in other spheres

1134
01:08:53,463 --> 01:08:56,866
such as the retail
industry and..

1135
01:08:56,867 --> 01:08:58,834
Magic.

1136
01:08:58,835 --> 01:09:02,605
But I believe she's
primarily interested in horror.

1137
01:09:02,606 --> 01:09:06,142
Yeah, well sorry if horror

1138
01:09:06,143 --> 01:09:09,345
doesn't sound like
a viable career path.

1139
01:09:09,346 --> 01:09:11,480
It worked out
for Stanley Kubrick.

1140
01:09:11,481 --> 01:09:13,315
They didn't
sell her a bus ticket.

1141
01:09:13,316 --> 01:09:15,483
Okay, look.

1142
01:09:15,484 --> 01:09:17,651
If her mother wasn't
listed in the phone book,

1143
01:09:17,652 --> 01:09:19,822
do you have any idea where
else she might have gone?

1144
01:09:19,823 --> 01:09:23,291
I might know one
other place she might be.

1145
01:09:34,871 --> 01:09:35,938
ACTIVIST: Keep Portland weird!

1146
01:09:35,939 --> 01:09:39,207
Yeah,
we got that covered, thanks.

1147
01:10:04,467 --> 01:10:07,269
Zoe.

1148
01:10:07,270 --> 01:10:10,438
Come on.
We re going home.

1149
01:10:15,378 --> 01:10:19,782
Hey!
I just got in line.

1150
01:10:19,783 --> 01:10:22,885
I can't believe we re
actually going to Vegas!

1151
01:10:22,886 --> 01:10:23,886
Neither can I.

1152
01:10:23,887 --> 01:10:26,822
Best bachelorette party ever!

1153
01:10:26,823 --> 01:10:29,225
Well, naturally.
I planned it.

1154
01:10:29,226 --> 01:10:30,993
I still think it's weird
that the mother of the bride

1155
01:10:30,994 --> 01:10:33,696
is going along on her
daughter's bachelorette party.

1156
01:10:33,697 --> 01:10:35,798
Anything to get
her out of the house.

1157
01:10:35,799 --> 01:10:37,933
Why can't I
go to Vegas?

1158
01:10:37,934 --> 01:10:40,869
(A) Because
you re still grounded

1159
01:10:40,870 --> 01:10:43,772
for running away
from home and (B)

1160
01:10:43,773 --> 01:10:46,875
Because ten-year-olds don't
go to these kinds of events..

1161
01:10:46,876 --> 01:10:48,978
I want you to be careful, okay?

1162
01:10:48,979 --> 01:10:51,280
Vegas is a
dangerous place.

1163
01:10:51,281 --> 01:10:53,249
Do not come back with pink eye.

1164
01:10:53,250 --> 01:10:55,784
You do not want pink eye
in all your wedding pictures.

1165
01:10:55,785 --> 01:10:56,986
Dad!
That's disgusting.

1166
01:10:56,987 --> 01:10:59,321
Yeah. Exactly.
It's very disgusting.

1167
01:10:59,322 --> 01:11:00,956
But it happens
at bachelor parties,

1168
01:11:00,957 --> 01:11:02,825
and I'm assuming
it can happen at

1169
01:11:02,826 --> 01:11:04,827
lesbian bachelorettes.

1170
01:11:04,828 --> 01:11:06,428
Your eye will swell up and

1171
01:11:06,429 --> 01:11:08,998
you ll look like
a zombie who is ill.

1172
01:11:08,999 --> 01:11:13,402
How do you get pink eye?

1173
01:11:13,403 --> 01:11:16,472
Don't worry!
The wedding's in two days.

1174
01:11:16,473 --> 01:11:21,343
I won't let a thing happen
to these two beautiful girls.

1175
01:11:21,344 --> 01:11:22,578
Are you ready
for the big day?

1176
01:11:22,579 --> 01:11:23,678
Yup!

1177
01:11:23,679 --> 01:11:24,780
I've got my
ordination certificate

1178
01:11:24,781 --> 01:11:27,383
from the Universal
Life Church. Right here.

1179
01:11:27,384 --> 01:11:29,652
Am I the only one who's
noticed that they've chosen

1180
01:11:29,653 --> 01:11:32,721
a self-proclaimed
witch to marry them?

1181
01:11:32,722 --> 01:11:35,858
Okay, I think that's everything!

1182
01:11:35,859 --> 01:11:38,761
You won't forget
that the ice sculptures

1183
01:11:38,762 --> 01:11:40,029
arrive Friday night

1184
01:11:40,030 --> 01:11:41,997
and the dove
wrangler will be here

1185
01:11:41,998 --> 01:11:44,400
bright and early
Saturday morning.

1186
01:11:44,401 --> 01:11:45,801
Yeah, got it.

1187
01:11:45,802 --> 01:11:46,935
Okay!

1188
01:11:46,936 --> 01:11:48,353
Well boys

1189
01:11:48,354 --> 01:11:49,772
why don't you
drive us to the airport

1190
01:11:49,773 --> 01:11:54,008
and then you can pick
up the fireworks displays?

1191
01:12:08,992 --> 01:12:11,427
Thank God it's nearly over.

1192
01:12:11,428 --> 01:12:13,695
OSCAR: You know

1193
01:12:13,696 --> 01:12:15,964
I never thought Zilla would
be the type to want a crazy

1194
01:12:15,965 --> 01:12:18,033
elaborate wedding like this.

1195
01:12:18,034 --> 01:12:21,102
Oh, Zilla doesn't
want this wedding.

1196
01:12:27,010 --> 01:12:29,844
(SOFT JAZZ PLAYS)

1197
01:12:38,755 --> 01:12:40,656
We could still win the contest.

1198
01:12:40,657 --> 01:12:42,358
We have some
really good stuff.

1199
01:12:42,359 --> 01:12:44,393
Yeah, but how's
it going to end?

1200
01:12:44,394 --> 01:12:46,829
I couldn't get anybody
to do the monster dance.

1201
01:12:46,830 --> 01:12:49,497
And we re
almost out of time.

1202
01:12:52,535 --> 01:12:55,404
Maybe there
isn't a happy ending

1203
01:12:55,405 --> 01:12:57,873
so there is no monster dance.

1204
01:12:57,874 --> 01:12:59,842
Maybe it's a tragedy.

1205
01:12:59,843 --> 01:13:01,143
Like Bambi.

1206
01:13:01,144 --> 01:13:02,845
Bambi's not a tragedy.

1207
01:13:02,846 --> 01:13:07,649
The mom dies, Zoe.

1208
01:13:07,650 --> 01:13:11,987
Okay, so maybe
the werewolf dies.

1209
01:13:11,988 --> 01:13:14,723
Maybe he realizes
he can't marry the bride

1210
01:13:14,724 --> 01:13:16,458
so he kills himself.

1211
01:13:16,459 --> 01:13:17,609
How?

1212
01:13:17,610 --> 01:13:18,761
Drive a stake
through his heart?

1213
01:13:18,762 --> 01:13:20,996
That's a vampire, Francis.

1214
01:13:20,997 --> 01:13:23,532
Werewolves can die any old way.

1215
01:13:23,533 --> 01:13:26,835
Normally it isn't about figuring
out how to kill the werewolf

1216
01:13:26,836 --> 01:13:29,872
it's figuring out whether you re
going to be able to kill it

1217
01:13:29,873 --> 01:13:31,774
before it kills you.

1218
01:13:31,775 --> 01:13:35,743
Maybe he could
jump off the roof...

1219
01:13:39,682 --> 01:13:44,086
Uh uh.
It's too steep.

1220
01:13:44,087 --> 01:13:45,988
I may have a panic attack.

1221
01:13:45,989 --> 01:13:49,056
Just don't throw
up on the costume.

1222
01:13:56,566 --> 01:13:59,934
I built something for you.

1223
01:14:02,872 --> 01:14:07,575
Step, step, step,
step, step, step, stop.

1224
01:14:09,546 --> 01:14:11,146
Are you ready?

1225
01:14:11,147 --> 01:14:13,214
Okay.

1226
01:14:20,123 --> 01:14:23,191
It's the most beautiful
coffin I've ever seen.

1227
01:14:24,761 --> 01:14:27,696
Well you know, it's
not Eco-friendly pine

1228
01:14:27,697 --> 01:14:31,499
but I hope it will do..

1229
01:14:32,235 --> 01:14:34,502
Whoa!

1230
01:14:34,971 --> 01:14:37,673
Let's try not to actually
have to put this to use

1231
01:14:37,674 --> 01:14:40,741
before our time, huh?

1232
01:14:42,979 --> 01:14:45,713
(DISCO MUSIC)

1233
01:15:01,698 --> 01:15:08,103
So what's the big surprise?

1234
01:15:08,104 --> 01:15:10,572
The Pink Spa!

1235
01:15:10,573 --> 01:15:13,075
(DRAG QUEEN STYLIST)
Welcome!

1236
01:15:13,076 --> 01:15:16,745
Three hours
of pure luxury.

1237
01:15:16,746 --> 01:15:18,614
We are going to
get our hair done.

1238
01:15:18,615 --> 01:15:20,516
We are going to
get our nails done.

1239
01:15:20,517 --> 01:15:22,751
And then we are
going out on the town.

1240
01:15:22,752 --> 01:15:24,119
And don't worry.

1241
01:15:24,120 --> 01:15:25,287
Everything's on me!

1242
01:15:25,288 --> 01:15:27,789
Aaaahh!

1243
01:15:27,790 --> 01:15:29,124
You have got to be kidding me.

1244
01:15:29,125 --> 01:15:30,626
Oh, sweetheart.

1245
01:15:30,627 --> 01:15:32,628
No Mom, you've
been trying to trick me

1246
01:15:32,629 --> 01:15:34,830
into getting my
hair done since prom.

1247
01:15:34,831 --> 01:15:36,098
No way.

1248
01:15:36,099 --> 01:15:37,633
You guys go ahead.

1249
01:15:37,634 --> 01:15:39,201
I ll meet up with you later.

1250
01:15:39,202 --> 01:15:40,802
You re not even coming?

1251
01:15:40,803 --> 01:15:42,204
I don't want to
spend three hours

1252
01:15:42,205 --> 01:15:43,772
painting my fingernails.

1253
01:15:43,773 --> 01:15:45,707
But-this is our
bachelorette party.

1254
01:15:45,708 --> 01:15:48,243
We re supposed to
be enjoying this together.

1255
01:15:48,244 --> 01:15:52,180
I'm sorry, this is not the
kind of thing that I enjoy.

1256
01:15:52,181 --> 01:15:55,083
But-this isn't the
kind of thing that.

1257
01:15:55,084 --> 01:15:56,852
I'm sorry, Zill.

1258
01:15:56,853 --> 01:15:58,920
I'm out.

1259
01:16:08,665 --> 01:16:11,732
(SHOVELING)

1260
01:16:22,979 --> 01:16:24,746
Do you think it's
deep enough yet?

1261
01:16:24,747 --> 01:16:27,049
We have to get things
right this time, Francis.

1262
01:16:27,050 --> 01:16:29,117
It's supposed
to be six feet deep.

1263
01:16:29,118 --> 01:16:31,119
But we re not six feet tall.

1264
01:16:31,120 --> 01:16:32,354
How will we get out?

1265
01:16:32,355 --> 01:16:34,622
Zoe!

1266
01:16:35,992 --> 01:16:38,960
What the hell do
you think you re doing?

1267
01:16:41,331 --> 01:16:43,765
What is this?

1268
01:16:43,766 --> 01:16:45,200
Son of a bitch!

1269
01:16:45,201 --> 01:16:48,235
Don't,
you ll break it!

1270
01:16:57,213 --> 01:16:59,430
Aaahh!

1271
01:16:59,431 --> 01:17:01,650
I don't know any other way
of getting through to you, Zoe.

1272
01:17:01,651 --> 01:17:04,252
I have asked
you repeatedly

1273
01:17:04,253 --> 01:17:06,321
to give up
this horror stuff.

1274
01:17:06,322 --> 01:17:07,823
I have requested

1275
01:17:07,824 --> 01:17:10,025
that you stop
keeping bloody,

1276
01:17:10,026 --> 01:17:12,260
severed body
parts in the fridge.

1277
01:17:12,261 --> 01:17:14,663
I have begged you

1278
01:17:14,664 --> 01:17:17,099
not to shave
the neighbor's dogs

1279
01:17:17,100 --> 01:17:18,767
blow things up, or

1280
01:17:18,768 --> 01:17:21,236
dig coffin-shaped
holes in the lawn.

1281
01:17:21,237 --> 01:17:23,271
And now I am ordering you

1282
01:17:23,272 --> 01:17:26,141
to quit making
this horror film!

1283
01:17:26,142 --> 01:17:28,276
I have to make it.
It's what I love.

1284
01:17:28,277 --> 01:17:31,146
No, no,
no you don't!

1285
01:17:31,147 --> 01:17:33,915
Murderers may
love murdering people

1286
01:17:33,916 --> 01:17:35,817
but they don't have to do it!

1287
01:17:35,818 --> 01:17:37,753
It's the only
thing I care about!

1288
01:17:37,754 --> 01:17:39,888
It's in my soul.

1289
01:17:39,889 --> 01:17:42,023
Then there's something
seriously wrong with your soul!

1290
01:17:54,771 --> 01:17:58,240
You don't love me.

1291
01:17:58,241 --> 01:18:00,776
Sometimes Zoe

1292
01:18:00,777 --> 01:18:03,244
you make it hard.

1293
01:18:15,992 --> 01:18:18,459
Is it dry yet?

1294
01:18:19,929 --> 01:18:22,764
We ll shoot the rest of
the horror film tonight.

1295
01:18:22,765 --> 01:18:25,833
I ll put on the costume
and jump off the roof.

1296
01:18:28,137 --> 01:18:29,871
I wasn't going
to tell you this

1297
01:18:29,872 --> 01:18:31,306
until the morning
of the wedding.

1298
01:18:31,307 --> 01:18:33,375
But I have
another surprise.

1299
01:18:33,376 --> 01:18:34,876
Oh God.

1300
01:18:34,877 --> 01:18:39,314
I bought you and Lu
a special honeymoon package.

1301
01:18:39,315 --> 01:18:42,084
A week in the romance suite

1302
01:18:42,085 --> 01:18:44,920
at the Honeymoon Resort in...

1303
01:18:44,921 --> 01:18:47,122
Miami, Florida!

1304
01:18:47,123 --> 01:18:48,706
Oh my God.

1305
01:18:48,707 --> 01:18:50,292
A camping trip
in Colorado is...

1306
01:18:50,293 --> 01:18:53,361
just not that romantic.

1307
01:18:53,362 --> 01:18:54,830
Anyone can go camping.

1308
01:18:54,831 --> 01:18:58,066
And sleeping on hard
rocks for seven days

1309
01:18:58,067 --> 01:19:02,170
with a select assortment
of spiders and insects

1310
01:19:02,171 --> 01:19:05,140
is no way to start off
a harmonious marriage

1311
01:19:05,141 --> 01:19:06,341
I assure you.

1312
01:19:06,342 --> 01:19:07,509
Cora...

1313
01:19:07,510 --> 01:19:09,745
I appreciate
the thought, but...

1314
01:19:09,746 --> 01:19:12,114
Don't mess
up your lip gloss!

1315
01:19:12,115 --> 01:19:15,951
Okay. Are you
ready to see yourself?

1316
01:19:15,952 --> 01:19:18,252
Ta da!

1317
01:19:24,193 --> 01:19:25,327
My hair.

1318
01:19:25,328 --> 01:19:28,230
Isn't it gorgeous?

1319
01:19:28,231 --> 01:19:29,765
It's blonde.

1320
01:19:29,766 --> 01:19:30,899
I thought it
would go perfectly

1321
01:19:30,900 --> 01:19:33,135
with your wedding dress!

1322
01:19:33,136 --> 01:19:36,203
Are you all ready yet?
It's been almost three ho...

1323
01:19:44,313 --> 01:19:46,047
I'm sorry, Zilla.

1324
01:19:46,048 --> 01:19:48,316
It's just that you
look like a cross between

1325
01:19:48,317 --> 01:19:52,888
a Barbie doll
and Queen Victoria.

1326
01:19:52,889 --> 01:19:55,956
This Is not,
A good time to laugh.

1327
01:19:58,561 --> 01:19:59,827
(CREAKING SOUNDS)

1328
01:20:11,874 --> 01:20:13,542
This will be great.

1329
01:20:13,543 --> 01:20:15,944
Are you sure?

1330
01:20:15,945 --> 01:20:18,095
Of course.

1331
01:20:18,096 --> 01:20:20,248
The werewolf will be
silhouetted against the trees.

1332
01:20:20,249 --> 01:20:23,885
No, I mean are
you sure it's safe?

1333
01:20:23,886 --> 01:20:26,221
Stunt doubles
do it all the time.

1334
01:20:26,222 --> 01:20:29,057
Well yeah, but I'm
pretty sure a lot of them die.

1335
01:20:29,058 --> 01:20:31,075
If I die

1336
01:20:31,076 --> 01:20:33,236
make sure this gets edited
and submitted before Sunday.

1337
01:20:36,098 --> 01:20:38,433
Hey, don't get mad at me.
You did this to yourself.

1338
01:20:38,434 --> 01:20:40,202
I didn't do this to myself!

1339
01:20:40,203 --> 01:20:41,336
Your mother did.

1340
01:20:41,337 --> 01:20:43,071
Exactly.
And you let her.

1341
01:20:43,072 --> 01:20:45,874
What part of my childhood
stories do you not understand?

1342
01:20:45,875 --> 01:20:48,143
Do not let this woman
get within three feet of you

1343
01:20:48,144 --> 01:20:50,512
with mascara, a curling
iron, or a set of tweezers!

1344
01:20:50,513 --> 01:20:52,581
I wouldn't have had
to if you hadn't left!

1345
01:20:52,582 --> 01:20:54,583
Oh, I'm supposed
to sit around here

1346
01:20:54,584 --> 01:20:56,918
and let my head get
dipped into toxic waste because

1347
01:20:56,919 --> 01:20:59,087
you don't have the guts to
stand up for who you are?

1348
01:20:59,088 --> 01:21:02,090
This isn't about that!
Why can't you understand?

1349
01:21:02,091 --> 01:21:03,458
Understand what?

1350
01:21:03,459 --> 01:21:05,126
That you want her for a mother?

1351
01:21:05,127 --> 01:21:07,929
This is what
having a mother is about!

1352
01:21:07,930 --> 01:21:10,131
She's been trying to
turn me into a beauty queen

1353
01:21:10,132 --> 01:21:13,134
pageant princess
for twenty-five years!

1354
01:21:13,135 --> 01:21:15,904
I've fought my whole life
for the right to be who I am

1355
01:21:15,905 --> 01:21:17,172
and I'm not
going to give that up

1356
01:21:17,173 --> 01:21:18,974
just because you want to
suck up to my mother.

1357
01:21:18,975 --> 01:21:21,977
Suck up to your mother? Is
that what you think I'm doing?

1358
01:21:21,978 --> 01:21:24,546
It seems like it to me, yeah.

1359
01:21:24,547 --> 01:21:27,415
You have no idea how
lucky you are to have a mom!

1360
01:21:27,416 --> 01:21:30,084
I'm getting a divorce!

1361
01:21:34,023 --> 01:21:36,090
What?

1362
01:21:41,063 --> 01:21:44,366
Maybe the werewolf
could just take pills.

1363
01:21:44,367 --> 01:21:47,434
Just focus on the
cinematography, okay?

1364
01:21:52,375 --> 01:21:56,511
I didn't want to tell you
this until after the wedding.

1365
01:21:56,512 --> 01:22:00,015
Your father and I just..

1366
01:22:00,016 --> 01:22:04,185
Well,
we can't stand each other.

1367
01:22:04,186 --> 01:22:07,522
And I wanted to throw
the perfect wedding

1368
01:22:07,523 --> 01:22:09,324
for you both

1369
01:22:09,325 --> 01:22:11,693
because I love you

1370
01:22:11,694 --> 01:22:15,130
and... I guess, well,

1371
01:22:15,131 --> 01:22:19,300
I wanted you to love me
more than you love your father.

1372
01:22:22,238 --> 01:22:25,105
Okay.

1373
01:22:27,043 --> 01:22:29,044
Okay, what?

1374
01:22:29,045 --> 01:22:32,112
Okay, we ll love
you more than Dad.

1375
01:22:34,116 --> 01:22:36,267
Really?

1376
01:22:36,268 --> 01:22:38,419
Yeah, it's not that hard,
Dad's kind of an asshole.

1377
01:22:41,958 --> 01:22:44,259
What can I do

1378
01:22:44,260 --> 01:22:47,162
to give you both the
wedding of your dreams?

1379
01:22:47,163 --> 01:22:49,464
Mom, don't you understand?

1380
01:22:49,465 --> 01:22:52,133
I don't care about weddings.

1381
01:22:52,134 --> 01:22:54,469
I'm only doing this for Zilla.

1382
01:22:54,470 --> 01:22:56,338
Are you kidding?

1383
01:22:56,339 --> 01:23:01,242
I don't even
want this wedding.

1384
01:23:01,243 --> 01:23:04,311
Then why are
we doing this?

1385
01:23:11,087 --> 01:23:15,122
(CONTEMPLATIVE MUSIC)

1386
01:23:47,089 --> 01:23:49,090
Are you ready for this?

1387
01:23:49,091 --> 01:23:52,159
Anything to have it over with.

1388
01:23:59,635 --> 01:24:01,669
Well, it's
really happening.

1389
01:24:01,670 --> 01:24:04,139
Zilla is really
and truly becoming

1390
01:24:04,140 --> 01:24:06,307
a permanent lesbian.

1391
01:24:06,308 --> 01:24:08,309
You know

1392
01:24:08,310 --> 01:24:11,613
I once met a lesbian
at the senior center.

1393
01:24:11,614 --> 01:24:13,548
I think she had a crush on me.

1394
01:24:13,549 --> 01:24:16,818
Mom!
Did you lead her on?

1395
01:24:16,819 --> 01:24:18,787
I might have.

1396
01:24:18,788 --> 01:24:21,322
Well, she
was very attractive

1397
01:24:21,323 --> 01:24:24,391
considering she was a
woman and had false teeth.

1398
01:24:26,429 --> 01:24:28,630
Is everything ready to go?

1399
01:24:28,631 --> 01:24:30,799
Yes, thank God.

1400
01:24:30,800 --> 01:24:33,068
The flowers are delivered

1401
01:24:33,069 --> 01:24:35,203
the goddamn ice
sculptures are in the basement

1402
01:24:35,204 --> 01:24:37,439
with four air
conditioning units

1403
01:24:37,440 --> 01:24:39,140
and I finally got the
male swan to stop

1404
01:24:39,141 --> 01:24:41,843
attacking the violinist.

1405
01:24:41,844 --> 01:24:44,511
The wedding's off.

1406
01:24:45,514 --> 01:24:46,514
What?

1407
01:24:46,515 --> 01:24:47,849
What happened?

1408
01:24:47,850 --> 01:24:48,850
Did you have a fight?

1409
01:24:48,851 --> 01:24:51,118
ZILLA: No.

1410
01:24:52,321 --> 01:24:55,423
We got married in Vegas.

1411
01:24:55,424 --> 01:24:56,691
Dad, I'm really sorry.

1412
01:24:56,692 --> 01:24:58,426
I know how much
you worked on this.

1413
01:24:58,427 --> 01:25:01,396
I just...
we finally realized that...

1414
01:25:01,397 --> 01:25:03,465
neither of us
wanted this wedding.

1415
01:25:03,466 --> 01:25:06,601
All of this planning
was just driving us apart.

1416
01:25:06,602 --> 01:25:09,203
(PHONE RINGS)

1417
01:25:12,141 --> 01:25:14,275
SAL: Zilla.

1418
01:25:14,276 --> 01:25:16,377
Everybody we know

1419
01:25:16,378 --> 01:25:20,181
is set to arrive at
our home in two hours.

1420
01:25:20,182 --> 01:25:24,352
There is a cake the size
of a truck in the garage.

1421
01:25:24,353 --> 01:25:28,123
The orchestra is
setting up out on the lawn.

1422
01:25:28,124 --> 01:25:30,458
I have been wrangling

1423
01:25:30,459 --> 01:25:34,462
various species of
vicious birds for 24 hours.

1424
01:25:34,463 --> 01:25:36,898
You cannot tell me
this wedding is off.

1425
01:25:36,899 --> 01:25:40,235
Dad, it's just
really not for us.

1426
01:25:40,236 --> 01:25:42,737
OSCAR: Um..

1427
01:25:42,738 --> 01:25:45,372
Zoe's in the hospital.

1428
01:25:48,878 --> 01:25:50,311
What happened?

1429
01:25:50,312 --> 01:25:52,213
I don't know.
They didn't say.

1430
01:25:52,214 --> 01:25:54,883
She was spending
the night at Francis's.

1431
01:25:54,884 --> 01:25:57,218
Oh God.

1432
01:25:57,219 --> 01:25:59,554
The last thing she said
before she left was that...

1433
01:25:59,555 --> 01:26:02,390
I don't love her.

1434
01:26:02,391 --> 01:26:03,691
What did you say?

1435
01:26:03,692 --> 01:26:08,195
I said, she makes
it hard sometimes.

1436
01:26:08,931 --> 01:26:13,434
Okay, bro.
It's going to be okay.

1437
01:26:13,435 --> 01:26:14,769
Also you re driving right now,

1438
01:26:14,770 --> 01:26:17,672
so I really need you
to look at the road.

1439
01:26:17,673 --> 01:26:19,674
That was Francis's grandmother.

1440
01:26:19,675 --> 01:26:22,210
She said Zoe
jumped off the roof.

1441
01:26:22,211 --> 01:26:24,846
She's under anesthetic right
now so we can't see her yet.

1442
01:26:24,847 --> 01:26:28,917
But the nurse wants us to bring
her clothes and insurance card

1443
01:26:28,918 --> 01:26:32,453
and maybe a stuffed animal
or something to cheer her up.

1444
01:26:32,454 --> 01:26:33,821
Most of Zoe's stuffed animals

1445
01:26:33,822 --> 01:26:35,390
have parted
ways with their heads

1446
01:26:35,391 --> 01:26:37,959
so I don't know
how cheerful that is.

1447
01:26:37,960 --> 01:26:41,229
What else would
make her happy?

1448
01:26:41,230 --> 01:26:43,297
I know.

1449
01:26:54,677 --> 01:26:56,743
(SCREECHING TIRES)

1450
01:27:05,487 --> 01:27:08,889
Go, go, go.

1451
01:27:10,826 --> 01:27:12,893
Goddamn it!

1452
01:27:22,438 --> 01:27:25,506
We need to go to Good
Samaritan Hospital, pronto.

1453
01:27:25,507 --> 01:27:26,975
LIMO DRIVER: I'm here to drive newlyweds

1454
01:27:26,976 --> 01:27:29,711
to the airport.
You are not a newlywed.

1455
01:27:29,712 --> 01:27:32,713
No, we are.

1456
01:27:36,652 --> 01:27:39,954
Hey, hey!

1457
01:27:39,955 --> 01:27:42,857
I do weddings. Not funerals!

1458
01:27:42,858 --> 01:27:44,325
You take a right on Cornell!

1459
01:27:44,326 --> 01:27:46,561
No no no, take
the freeway, it's faster!

1460
01:27:46,562 --> 01:27:48,363
I am a professional chauffeur

1461
01:27:48,364 --> 01:27:50,598
and I do not
tolerate back seat driving!

1462
01:27:50,599 --> 01:27:53,667
EVERYONE: No, no, no, no, no.

1463
01:27:59,642 --> 01:28:01,042
Hey, hey!

1464
01:28:01,043 --> 01:28:02,826
You cannot park here.

1465
01:28:02,827 --> 01:28:04,612
It's an emergency.
We have an injured child.

1466
01:28:04,613 --> 01:28:07,681
Okay, well let's get him inside.

1467
01:28:09,351 --> 01:28:12,452
Why is he already in a coffin?

1468
01:28:16,659 --> 01:28:17,959
NURSE: You cannot
bring that in here!

1469
01:28:17,960 --> 01:28:19,761
It's for my daughter.

1470
01:28:19,762 --> 01:28:21,496
You don't
understand, sir.

1471
01:28:21,497 --> 01:28:24,564
Your daughter's not dead.

1472
01:28:30,506 --> 01:28:32,307
I ain't dead yet.

1473
01:28:32,308 --> 01:28:35,810
My apologies, ma am.

1474
01:28:35,811 --> 01:28:38,313
I was trying to tell you, sir

1475
01:28:38,314 --> 01:28:40,481
your daughter has been
moved to the recovery wing.

1476
01:28:40,482 --> 01:28:42,417
She is very much alive.

1477
01:28:42,418 --> 01:28:44,485
Now you re going to
have to take that downstairs.

1478
01:28:44,486 --> 01:28:47,554
That is not the kind of
thing we find uplifting here.

1479
01:28:51,627 --> 01:28:54,211
DOCTOR: She was lucky.

1480
01:28:54,212 --> 01:28:56,798
She hit the edge of a trampoline
and rolled off into soft shrubs.

1481
01:28:56,799 --> 01:29:00,100
Had she hit the ground,
she might not have made it.

1482
01:29:04,540 --> 01:29:08,976
I don't know if you can
hear me right now, but um..

1483
01:29:08,977 --> 01:29:13,447
I just wanted to
let you know that

1484
01:29:14,049 --> 01:29:16,984
your coffin is waiting for you.

1485
01:29:16,985 --> 01:29:20,088
Okay?

1486
01:29:20,089 --> 01:29:23,357
It's here whenever
you re ready to use it.

1487
01:29:36,805 --> 01:29:40,108
I feel like Lu's dad
could be a mummy.

1488
01:29:40,109 --> 01:29:43,077
I was thinking
more like a vampire.

1489
01:29:43,078 --> 01:29:46,848
But he's pale, like a mummy.

1490
01:29:46,849 --> 01:29:49,016
DWAYNE: Vampires are pale.

1491
01:29:49,017 --> 01:29:52,854
Look at the way those
veins pop out of his forehead.

1492
01:29:52,855 --> 01:29:54,989
Like a vampire.

1493
01:29:54,990 --> 01:29:56,691
FRANCIS: But mummies are easy.

1494
01:29:56,692 --> 01:29:58,960
Just wrap him
up in toilet paper.

1495
01:29:58,961 --> 01:30:00,428
Francis, how are
we going to wrap him

1496
01:30:00,429 --> 01:30:03,998
in toilet paper
without him noticing?

1497
01:30:03,999 --> 01:30:06,868
RECEPTIONIST: Next?

1498
01:30:06,869 --> 01:30:09,504
Oh, mine's not real.

1499
01:30:09,505 --> 01:30:11,838
You go ahead.

1500
01:30:17,780 --> 01:30:19,514
Zilla?

1501
01:30:19,515 --> 01:30:21,983
We all bought
presents for Zoe.

1502
01:30:21,984 --> 01:30:23,851
OLD MAN: Nobody ever
brings me presents.

1503
01:30:23,852 --> 01:30:27,588
Mm mm.

1504
01:30:27,589 --> 01:30:30,758
That's so nice.
But she's still asleep.

1505
01:30:30,759 --> 01:30:32,026
We ll put them in the coffin

1506
01:30:32,027 --> 01:30:35,029
and she can enjoy them
when she wakes up. Okay?

1507
01:30:35,030 --> 01:30:38,099
Me first.
I brought maggots.

1508
01:30:38,100 --> 01:30:40,067
ANGIE: Fake blood.

1509
01:30:40,068 --> 01:30:42,036
I mean, I know she just
had real blood transfusions.

1510
01:30:42,037 --> 01:30:44,505
So she might not
need it until later.

1511
01:30:44,506 --> 01:30:46,808
A shriveled hand.

1512
01:30:46,809 --> 01:30:48,676
Edible eyeballs.

1513
01:30:48,677 --> 01:30:50,777
False teeth.

1514
01:30:50,778 --> 01:30:52,878
Wait a second.
Mom, do you have an extra pair?

1515
01:30:57,719 --> 01:31:00,755
Um, it's a colander.

1516
01:31:00,756 --> 01:31:04,892
We got it for
Zilla and Lu, but...

1517
01:31:04,893 --> 01:31:06,627
Liver.

1518
01:31:06,628 --> 01:31:08,930
This should
probably be refrigerated.

1519
01:31:08,931 --> 01:31:10,898
Pickled fingers.

1520
01:31:10,899 --> 01:31:14,101
I noticed her supply in the
refrigerator was dwindling

1521
01:31:14,102 --> 01:31:15,536
and I don't want to know why

1522
01:31:15,537 --> 01:31:17,604
so here's a replacement.

1523
01:31:20,108 --> 01:31:23,009
Y'all are sick.

1524
01:31:29,952 --> 01:31:32,053
Francis.

1525
01:31:32,054 --> 01:31:34,155
Why did Zoe jump?

1526
01:31:34,156 --> 01:31:35,790
For our horror film.

1527
01:31:35,791 --> 01:31:37,992
We needed the
footage for the ending.

1528
01:31:37,993 --> 01:31:39,894
It wasn't because of me?

1529
01:31:39,895 --> 01:31:42,763
Why would it be?

1530
01:31:42,764 --> 01:31:46,167
I thought maybe it was
because I yelled at her.

1531
01:31:46,168 --> 01:31:50,037
Ugh.
Typical parental narcissism.

1532
01:31:50,038 --> 01:31:52,840
Your daughter is a very
dedicated horror devotee.

1533
01:31:52,841 --> 01:31:54,809
Why would she end herself
two days before the deadline

1534
01:31:54,810 --> 01:31:57,277
without good reason?

1535
01:31:58,814 --> 01:32:00,847
What deadline?

1536
01:32:08,924 --> 01:32:10,991
Ready?

1537
01:32:18,767 --> 01:32:20,834
(CUTE, FUNNY,
SINISTER MUSIC PLAYS)

1538
01:32:28,677 --> 01:32:31,745
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

1539
01:32:40,923 --> 01:32:43,557
(WOLF HOWL)

1540
01:33:00,809 --> 01:33:03,276
(WOLF HOWL)

1541
01:33:04,646 --> 01:33:06,314
I'd also be willing
to wear the blue taffeta

1542
01:33:06,315 --> 01:33:08,749
- with rhinestones.
- Who are you, Liberace?

1543
01:33:08,750 --> 01:33:10,751
If Pat gets to wear
that, I want to wear this.

1544
01:33:10,752 --> 01:33:15,723
This is not just choose
your favorite gender day!

1545
01:33:15,724 --> 01:33:17,358
There are Rules!

1546
01:33:17,359 --> 01:33:19,961
(LAUGHTER)

1547
01:33:19,962 --> 01:33:22,863
Roooooaaaarr!

1548
01:33:22,864 --> 01:33:25,899
Aaaaaahhhh!

1549
01:33:29,638 --> 01:33:31,705
Mom! Mom!

1550
01:33:35,711 --> 01:33:38,778
(LAUGHTER)

1551
01:33:41,249 --> 01:33:43,116
(DOORBELL)

1552
01:33:52,060 --> 01:33:53,861
Zoe!

1553
01:33:53,862 --> 01:33:54,895
It's okay.

1554
01:33:54,896 --> 01:33:55,896
Oh my God.

1555
01:33:55,897 --> 01:33:59,966
Awooooooo!!!

1556
01:34:10,345 --> 01:34:12,713
Everybody be quiet.

1557
01:34:12,714 --> 01:34:16,650
We re going to have a
Nice Family Event!

1558
01:34:17,919 --> 01:34:21,856
Zoe, did you..

1559
01:34:21,857 --> 01:34:23,958
Shave this dog?

1560
01:34:23,959 --> 01:34:26,193
I asked you to
represent the family

1561
01:34:26,194 --> 01:34:28,429
and they ended up in jail.

1562
01:34:28,430 --> 01:34:29,830
Why is Francis here?

1563
01:34:29,831 --> 01:34:31,932
Why is Francis always here?

1564
01:34:31,933 --> 01:34:33,200
Zoe!

1565
01:34:33,201 --> 01:34:35,936
What the hell do
you think you re doing?

1566
01:34:35,937 --> 01:34:39,005
It's not enough that you re
ruining your sister's wedding?

1567
01:34:45,414 --> 01:34:47,982
Aaaaahhh!

1568
01:34:47,983 --> 01:34:49,850
Woooaaaahhh!

1569
01:34:49,851 --> 01:34:51,185
Aaaaahhh!

1570
01:34:51,186 --> 01:34:53,220
Aaaaahhh! Aaaaahhh!

1571
01:34:53,221 --> 01:34:55,889
A paper cut!

1572
01:34:58,427 --> 01:35:03,463
(FUNNY HORROR MUSIC PLAYS)

1573
01:35:23,452 --> 01:35:26,720
Francis, you re
kind of in the way here.

1574
01:35:50,245 --> 01:35:53,313
(HOWL)

1575
01:35:58,453 --> 01:36:01,422
Oh my God.

1576
01:36:01,423 --> 01:36:03,357
What happens next?

1577
01:36:03,358 --> 01:36:04,925
We haven't
written it yet.

1578
01:36:04,926 --> 01:36:09,163
Well! It was really
quite good, wasn't it?

1579
01:36:09,164 --> 01:36:11,832
Really captured my
impression of the whole wedding.

1580
01:36:11,833 --> 01:36:15,002
She's certainly
an odd child, isn't she?

1581
01:36:15,003 --> 01:36:19,507
I- I've tried to
make her normal.

1582
01:36:19,508 --> 01:36:20,508
Why bother?

1583
01:36:20,509 --> 01:36:24,211
She's great
the way she is.

1584
01:36:24,212 --> 01:36:29,416
You don't think she'd be better
playing with, you know, dolls..

1585
01:36:29,417 --> 01:36:30,985
Instead of human skulls?

1586
01:36:30,986 --> 01:36:34,155
Dad, you can give Zoe
all the dolls you want but..

1587
01:36:34,156 --> 01:36:37,057
She's going to
murder all of them.

1588
01:36:37,058 --> 01:36:38,526
People have to be who they are.

1589
01:36:38,527 --> 01:36:42,129
And we should
embrace them for that.

1590
01:36:42,130 --> 01:36:45,432
What are we going
to do about the wedding?

1591
01:36:45,433 --> 01:36:49,969
Well, we have a catered
banquet spoiling in the kitchen

1592
01:36:50,906 --> 01:36:55,342
a wedding no one wants
set up on the back lawn and..

1593
01:36:55,343 --> 01:37:00,014
About $10,000 worth of
flowers that are probably dead.

1594
01:37:00,015 --> 01:37:01,048
OSCAR: Poor Zoe.

1595
01:37:01,049 --> 01:37:03,450
She's going to be devastated

1596
01:37:03,451 --> 01:37:05,853
when she wakes
up in the hospital.

1597
01:37:05,854 --> 01:37:08,422
Guys.

1598
01:37:08,423 --> 01:37:11,491
I know a way we
could fix both problems.

1599
01:37:21,269 --> 01:37:22,870
Why can't I just walk?

1600
01:37:22,871 --> 01:37:25,539
You know you need
to stay off your feet.

1601
01:37:25,540 --> 01:37:27,274
Stupid cast.

1602
01:37:27,275 --> 01:37:31,245
I don't want to hear you
complaining about your cast.

1603
01:37:31,246 --> 01:37:34,949
People who jump off
roofs end up in casts

1604
01:37:34,950 --> 01:37:38,017
and they re lucky
they re not dead.

1605
01:37:42,057 --> 01:37:43,324
Now your sister's
getting married

1606
01:37:43,325 --> 01:37:45,359
and I want you to be
at your best behavior.

1607
01:37:45,360 --> 01:37:49,997
I want you to pretend
to be a normal, polite child.

1608
01:37:49,998 --> 01:37:54,268
Oh, Francis dropped
off your video camera.

1609
01:37:54,269 --> 01:37:56,337
I don't need it anymore.

1610
01:37:56,338 --> 01:37:58,005
What are you talking about?

1611
01:37:58,006 --> 01:38:00,107
You need to film
your sister's wedding.

1612
01:38:00,108 --> 01:38:02,910
I don't want to.

1613
01:38:02,911 --> 01:38:05,446
You either switch on the camera

1614
01:38:05,447 --> 01:38:08,514
or I'm going upstairs and
grabbing your flower girl dress.

1615
01:38:33,909 --> 01:38:37,278
(A WHISTLE IS HEARD)

1616
01:38:37,279 --> 01:38:40,346
(UP TEMPO, FUN MUSIC STARTS)

1617
01:40:14,309 --> 01:40:17,377
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