0 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:15,000 1 00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:13,045 ( thunder ) 2 00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:26,692 ( music playing ) 3 00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:47,746 Woman: Oh, my God. Say something. 4 00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:49,081 Man: What-- what should I say? 5 00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:50,349 Woman: Anything. I just-- 6 00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:52,184 I just need to hear your accent. 7 00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:54,053 Man: Well, technically, if you're the tourist, 8 00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:55,120 - then you're the one with-- - Woman: Oh, my God. 9 00:00:55,122 --> 00:00:57,589 Shut up. Don't move. 10 00:00:57,591 --> 00:01:00,826 Uh-huh. Don't move. 11 00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:04,763 ( both moaning ) 12 00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:07,599 No. Grab me! 13 00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:09,835 All right, okay. 14 00:01:09,837 --> 00:01:11,837 Just like that. 15 00:01:11,839 --> 00:01:14,606 ( both moaning ) 16 00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:17,476 Now turn me over. 17 00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:20,112 - Oh, Statton. - Oh, baby. 18 00:01:20,114 --> 00:01:23,682 - Mmm. Statton. - Oh, baby, baby, baby. 19 00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:25,818 Woman: Say my name. 20 00:01:25,820 --> 00:01:29,521 Say my name! 21 00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,490 - Anne? - What? 22 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:36,361 - Anne? - You don't know my name. 23 00:01:36,363 --> 00:01:38,530 I'm-- I'm sorry. I'm bad with names. 24 00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:39,731 Well, don't you think you should at least 25 00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:41,300 try to remember the name of the person-- 26 00:01:41,302 --> 00:01:43,302 I did. I did try. I did a mnemonic. 27 00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:46,839 - What? - I read a book which taught you how to remember names, 28 00:01:46,841 --> 00:01:49,541 and one way is to think of someone with the same name, 29 00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:51,543 - and my sister's name is Anne-Marie, so-- - You were thinking 30 00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:53,245 of your sister when we were screwing? 31 00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:56,515 No, no, no. When we first met. 32 00:01:56,517 --> 00:02:00,152 My sister's name is Anne-Marie, so I used her as a mnemonic. 33 00:02:00,154 --> 00:02:04,389 So I knew it was either Anne or Marie, I just couldn't remember which. 34 00:02:04,391 --> 00:02:08,560 And I was too embarrassed to ask again, 'cause we were already, you know, 35 00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:13,465 kissing by then, so-- well, I'm guessing it's Marie. 36 00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:17,302 - It's Mary. - Oh. 37 00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:21,406 Sorry. I must have misheard. 38 00:02:21,408 --> 00:02:23,342 That bar was so noisy. 39 00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:25,277 You heard me offer to go to bed with you. 40 00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:26,812 Well, if I'd heard you say your name was Mary, 41 00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:28,514 it would have been no problem. My dog's called Mary. 42 00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:30,149 - I could have pictured her. - Oh, my fuck. 43 00:02:30,151 --> 00:02:31,650 - Oh, no, no. - God! 44 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,752 I'm not saying that you remind me of a dog or anything. 45 00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:36,355 - I was just-- - You were just saying that to remember my name, 46 00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:38,757 you had to bring your sister, your dog, 47 00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:41,293 and your grandmother into bed with us. 48 00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:44,329 Well, I remember your name. 49 00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:47,866 It's Statton. Statton Taylor. 50 00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:52,704 That's 'cause it's unusual. The-- the book says it's easy to remember unusual names. 51 00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:55,307 Plus, people tend to picture the Staten Island ferry. 52 00:02:55,309 --> 00:02:57,309 So what? I should change my name to Eiffel Tower 53 00:02:57,311 --> 00:02:59,311 - to make things easier for you? - No, no. I'm just saying 54 00:02:59,313 --> 00:03:01,547 you probably visualized the Staten Island ferry 55 00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:03,849 - without realizing it. - No, I didn't. 56 00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:07,319 I was just interested enough in who I was sleeping with 57 00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:09,454 to remember his name. 58 00:03:09,456 --> 00:03:12,257 So, did you know you were going to sleep with me 59 00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:13,759 when I first introduced myself? 60 00:03:13,761 --> 00:03:15,727 You always know. 61 00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:16,895 I've never been surprised 62 00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:19,298 to find myself in bed with anyone. 63 00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:23,635 - Have you? - Frequently. 64 00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:26,371 I'm always surprised that anyone wants to sleep with me. 65 00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:29,341 Frequently? How often do you do this? 66 00:03:29,343 --> 00:03:31,210 Oh, hardly ever. 67 00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:36,848 That's a lie. 68 00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:39,785 Never ever. 69 00:03:42,790 --> 00:03:44,990 I never have one-night stands. 70 00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:49,561 Well, you're definitely not completing this one. 71 00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:52,965 Man: Stay right where you are. 72 00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:00,939 Do you like cop shows? Huh? Go to the movies? 73 00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:03,842 Then you're both over-qualified to survive this episode. 74 00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:05,310 We're here for your stuff. 75 00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:08,013 Yeah, we like shiny stuff. 76 00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:10,015 Jewelry, laptops, phones. 77 00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:13,252 Watches, credit cards, small change. 78 00:04:13,254 --> 00:04:14,686 My friend here will take your things. 79 00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:16,755 I will remove your jewelry. 80 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,824 Now from the conversation we've just overheard, 81 00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:23,695 Statton, you-- you'd like to impress this lady, eh? Am I right? 82 00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:25,597 And even I know her name is Mary. 83 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:27,332 - Not that. - Ooh! 84 00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:30,702 Bravery will be rewarded with a hole in the head. 85 00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:34,473 And cooperation... 86 00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:37,476 will be rewarded with a smile. 87 00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:41,747 Just think of your online status, Statton Taylor. 88 00:04:41,749 --> 00:04:45,584 - ( whimpers ) - "Survived being robbed at gunpoint." 89 00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:49,888 "Thumbs up, Mary." Like, like, like, like, like, like, like. 90 00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:52,624 ( whimpering ) 91 00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:58,030 Would you get off the bed, please? 92 00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:06,672 - Come on, on with it! - ( whimpers ) 93 00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:09,741 - ( gunshots ) - ( gasps ) 94 00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,743 ( grunting ) 95 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:15,580 - Oh, schiesse. - You fucking shot me. 96 00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:17,983 - Why'd you fucking shoot me? - Well, you started it. 97 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,751 There was somebody in the wardrobe. 98 00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:22,020 It's a fucking mirror, you Magoo. 99 00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:24,556 - You saw his reflection. - Yeah, well, who the fuck were you shooting at? 100 00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:27,526 I thought there was someone shooting behind me, which there was! 101 00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:30,362 Only I didn't know it was my fucking sidekick. 102 00:05:30,364 --> 00:05:32,931 If anyone's a fucking sidekick, okay, it is you. 103 00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:36,568 - You're a fucking sidekick. - Well, I'm not the one with a fucking bullet in my leg. 104 00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:38,503 Fuck you. Whose room is this? 105 00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,372 - Which one of you booked? - It's mine. It's mine. 106 00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:42,474 Yeah? You get up, okay? 107 00:05:42,476 --> 00:05:44,476 Call the front desk and say you've just been-- 108 00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:46,611 you've just been disturbed by the bangs that you heard down the corridor. 109 00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:49,715 - What the fuck? - You always have to alert the authorities, okay? 110 00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:52,451 Alert the authorities and they'll never suspect you. 111 00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,954 - Do it. - All right. Okay, okay, okay, 112 00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:59,825 - Okay. - ( phone beeps ) 113 00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:02,127 ( grunting ) Hello. 114 00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:05,097 ( stammers ) My name's Statton Taylor. I'm in room, uh... 115 00:06:05,099 --> 00:06:07,499 - Keep it natural. Keep it natural. - ...uh, 304. 116 00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:10,469 - Um, I just heard two loud shots. - Bangs! 117 00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:12,137 - Bangs! - Bangs. Bangs! Uh, uh-- 118 00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:13,805 They might have not been shots. It could have been anything. 119 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,774 Tell them that you need your sleep, okay? 120 00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:17,642 You don't want to be disturbed and you've got a thing in the morning. 121 00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:21,546 I don't want to be disturbed. I got a thing in the morning. 122 00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:22,814 - Early! - An early work-- 123 00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:25,650 I have early work in the morning. 124 00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:28,453 Okay. Yes, please don't disturb me. 125 00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:30,822 - Come on, come on, come on. - Okay, thank you very much. 126 00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:34,092 Thank you. Okay, bye. 127 00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:36,528 - What did he say? - He said they heard it. 128 00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:39,998 - And? - They're looking into it. 129 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,734 - Right, we need to go. - No, no, no, no, no. 130 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:45,170 I can't go through reception dripping with blood. 131 00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:46,805 They're looking for a guy with a gun, 132 00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:49,074 and I got a fucking hole in my leg. 133 00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:51,810 Right. What do you want me to do? 134 00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:54,780 I just want you to watch me bleed to death, okay? 135 00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:57,582 Just go. Just get somebody, okay? 136 00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,618 Well, I cannot call a fucking ambulance, can I? 137 00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:04,189 No, no, Will-- Will's brother, okay, is a doctor, all right? 138 00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:08,160 - He's fucking 12! - His older brother. 139 00:07:08,162 --> 00:07:11,129 Right, okay. Keep your fucking leg on. 140 00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:13,165 Take that, right? In case I get searched on my way out. 141 00:07:13,167 --> 00:07:16,668 Keep one trained on each of their fucking heads. 142 00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:18,103 Um, um, um, look-- 143 00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:19,871 - Hey, hey, hey, hey. - Don't. 144 00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:26,845 Look, um, I know you don't care, 145 00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:29,214 but that pendant... 146 00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:32,784 I really need it. It was my mother's. 147 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:36,922 It's-- it's of great sentimental value to me. 148 00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:40,892 Oh, well, um, okay. 149 00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:43,228 Money is of great sentimental value to me, 150 00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:45,964 and I know a man who will give me cash. 151 00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:49,634 God fucking damn it. 152 00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:59,644 ( stammering ) Can I get dressed, please? 153 00:08:01,748 --> 00:08:03,081 Slowly. 154 00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:15,126 - Can I get dressed? - Do you have to? 155 00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:38,817 Mary, can you bring that sheet over, please? 156 00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:42,020 ( grunts ) 157 00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:48,827 Can you tie it around my leg? 158 00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:56,201 ( exhales sharply ) 159 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:59,971 - ( grunts ) - Thank you, Mary. Thank you, Mary. 160 00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,773 Thank you very much. 161 00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:12,017 - Whose credit cards are these? - They're mine. 162 00:09:12,019 --> 00:09:14,986 Says "Carol. Carol Page." 163 00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:19,157 I think if there's one thing we've all learned tonight, 164 00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:21,593 is that your name is definitely Mary. 165 00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:24,796 Are these stolen credit cards? 'Cause I do not want stolen credit cards. 166 00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:29,768 They're not stolen. Carol's my real name. 167 00:09:31,338 --> 00:09:34,272 You gave me a fake name? 168 00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:35,874 Whatevs. It was a one-night stand. 169 00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:37,709 I gave you a fake phone number as well. 170 00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:39,744 Then why were you so upset that I didn't call you Marie? 171 00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,713 - Mary! - Mary, for fuck's sake. 172 00:09:41,715 --> 00:09:43,615 It doesn't matter! It's not even her real name! 173 00:09:43,617 --> 00:09:45,350 It was the name that I told you, 174 00:09:45,352 --> 00:09:48,153 so, you know, it's still rude of you to not remember it. 175 00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:50,255 Well, why did you want to hear me say it if it's not even your name? 176 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,324 'Cause I knew you'd forgotten it. 177 00:09:52,326 --> 00:09:56,094 I could tell by the way you kept saying, "Oh, baby, baby, baby." 178 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:58,363 - ( chuckles ) - So you were testing me during sex? 179 00:09:58,365 --> 00:10:00,699 That's entrapment. That is nice. 180 00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:05,870 Remembering the fake name I gave you is the minimum requirement. 181 00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:09,007 And, anyway, it's sort of my name. 182 00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:12,110 Sort of? How can it be sort of your name? 183 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:16,881 It was my name when I was a nun. 184 00:10:16,883 --> 00:10:18,883 You were a nun? 185 00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:21,386 I was a novice for, like, two years when I was young. 186 00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:24,623 I was Sister Mary Catherine. 187 00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:27,892 You wanted him to call you by your nun name while you did it? 188 00:10:27,894 --> 00:10:30,395 - Well, that's hot. - Not because of that, no. 189 00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:32,163 Do you mind? This is private. 190 00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:35,400 Yeah. I'm feeling a bit like a fifth wheel. 191 00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:36,801 You want me to go? 192 00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:42,240 - Have you still got the habit? - Oh, come on. 193 00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:45,410 - Oh, my God. - ( chuckles ) 194 00:10:45,412 --> 00:10:47,412 Do you still have the habit? 195 00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:49,114 Not on me, no. 196 00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:52,917 Of course. Sorry, sorry. 197 00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:56,287 So, uh, you're a Catholic boy, too, then, eh? 198 00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:58,089 Yeah. 199 00:10:58,091 --> 00:11:01,126 Do you go to St. Godfrey's? I feel like I recognize you. 200 00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:03,995 I just got one of those faces. 201 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,397 What are the chances, eh? 202 00:11:05,399 --> 00:11:07,966 Three strangers, all of us Catholic. 203 00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:12,103 - I'm not. - You were a nun. 204 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:14,806 How can you be a nun and not be Catholic? 205 00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:17,942 It's one of those questions they never ask. 206 00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:20,812 They just assume if you sign up to be a nun, 207 00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:22,681 you know, must be Catholic. 208 00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:26,017 Always go to the authorities and they never suspect a thing. 209 00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,819 - Does that always work? - No. 210 00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:32,323 Yes. I learned it when I went to London when I was 19. 211 00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:35,326 - What, like in crime training? - No, going to the opera. 212 00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:38,063 - The opera? - Well, don't stereotype me, mate. 213 00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:39,998 - I wasn't. - Not everyone with a gun 214 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:43,168 - is uncultured. - Carry on the story. I want to hear. 215 00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:48,306 When I first went to London, okay, I was, uh, 216 00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:51,476 training to be an opera singer. 217 00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:55,313 And, uh, we used to go to the interval, 218 00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:57,315 and, uh, no one would check the tickets, 219 00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,050 so we'd just jump in a spare seat. 220 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:02,754 This one time, I went with my mate Callum, 221 00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:04,856 and they were sold out and I was about to do a runner, 222 00:12:04,858 --> 00:12:08,793 and he went up to this usher, who was a beautiful girl. 223 00:12:08,795 --> 00:12:11,162 And he said to her, "Have I got time to go 224 00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:12,864 to the toilet before it starts?" 225 00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:16,501 She says, "You can go to the toilet, but... 226 00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:18,503 I'll have to put you in a private box." 227 00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:24,509 So, uh, we watched the second half of "Tosca" 228 00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:27,245 in a private box like kings. 229 00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:29,114 Amazing. 230 00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:31,750 And after the opera, Callum shagged the usher. 231 00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:36,121 It was a beautiful night. 232 00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:45,447 That was lovely. 233 00:12:45,448 --> 00:12:48,032 So, you're an opera singer? What happened? 234 00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:50,368 Oh, it's a very competitive field, you know? 235 00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:53,371 You gotta be really good to progress and... 236 00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:59,210 this is an opportunity for some fast cash. 237 00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:01,946 And then one thing led to a... 238 00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:03,948 hole in the leg. 239 00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:07,352 What was your biggest part? 240 00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:10,822 Pirate King of "Pirates of Penzance." 241 00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:12,891 - ( chuckles ) - Wow. 242 00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:16,060 Just a tour. Just a tour, but mainly to tourists. 243 00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:18,029 - It's impressive. - Mm-hmm. 244 00:13:20,066 --> 00:13:22,400 Could you sing something for us? 245 00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:25,303 - Yeah. - It might take your mind off your leg. 246 00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:28,573 - No. - Oh, go on. 247 00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:30,975 - Please. - No, I couldn't. 248 00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:34,546 Oh, it's a non-smoking room. 249 00:13:34,548 --> 00:13:37,048 I need to do something for my pain, mate. 250 00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:39,017 Can I have one then? 251 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,828 It's a non-smoking room. 252 00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:51,429 We won't tell if you won't. 253 00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:53,364 Yeah, Statton, live a little. 254 00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:11,950 ♪ I am the Pirate King ♪ 255 00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:15,186 ♪ And it is, it is a glorious thing ♪ 256 00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:21,192 ♪ To be the Pirate King ♪ 257 00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:28,633 ♪ Oh, better far to live and die ♪ 258 00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:32,270 ♪ Under the brave black flag I fly ♪ 259 00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:35,073 ♪ Than play a sanctimonious part ♪ 260 00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:38,977 ♪ With a pirate head and a pirate heart ♪ 261 00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:43,381 ♪ I'll be true to the song I sing ♪ 262 00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:46,251 ♪ And live and die ♪ 263 00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:50,154 ♪ A Pirate King ♪ 264 00:14:58,498 --> 00:15:03,301 ♪ For I am the Pirate King ♪ 265 00:15:03,303 --> 00:15:05,670 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah, for the Pirate King ♪ 266 00:15:05,672 --> 00:15:08,006 ♪ It is, it is a glorious thing ♪ 267 00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:10,041 ♪ To be a Pirate King ♪ 268 00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:12,110 ♪ It is, hurrah for the Pirate King ♪ 269 00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:18,182 - ♪ Hurrah ♪ - ♪ The Pirate King ♪ 270 00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:23,288 ( smoke alarm beeping ) 271 00:15:23,290 --> 00:15:24,489 Fuck. 272 00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:31,696 Oh, fuck. 273 00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:33,197 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 274 00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:37,035 ( knocking on door ) 275 00:15:37,037 --> 00:15:38,536 Man: Mr. Taylor? 276 00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:40,605 It's the hotel duty manager. 277 00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,543 - Get rid of him. - How? 278 00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:48,546 Answer the door and say you were disturbed by a shot. 279 00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:52,383 - A shot or a bang? - Bang, okay? 280 00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:56,120 Okay, no funny business, 'cause remember-- get on there. 281 00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:58,489 Remember, I've got a gun pointed at your girlfriend's head, mate. 282 00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,158 Mary: Girlfriend? 283 00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:04,495 - Man: Mr. Taylor? - ( knocking ) 284 00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:05,563 Mr. Taylor? 285 00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:10,301 Fuck it! I'll go, I'll go. 286 00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:13,338 I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. 287 00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:21,612 What's going on, huh? 288 00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:24,382 I was just woken up by an alarm and then a shot-- bang. 289 00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:28,486 Whatever. And now you're thumping on my door. 290 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:31,122 Sorry, Mr. Taylor. 291 00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:35,126 We had a complaint about, uh, some kind of singing 292 00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:38,596 - coming from your room. - That was next door. 293 00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:40,131 I was gonna complain about that, too. 294 00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:42,433 Okay, I'm going for his gun. 295 00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:44,469 He's wounded. We can overpower him. 296 00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:47,438 - No, no. He'll kill us. - He might kill us anyway. Come on. 297 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,607 I got an ace up my sleeve. I've remembered where I know him from. 298 00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:51,442 - What? Where? - His name's Kipper. 299 00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:53,778 - Oh, his name you remember? - Well, I pictured a herring, 300 00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:56,614 - and the book says it's easier to remember unusual names. - Oh, my fuck! 301 00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:59,517 - Look, when I tell him-- - Do not fucking tell him. 302 00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:01,786 - What? - If he knows you, he'll have to kill you. 303 00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:05,156 - Why? - Statton, I don't want to die, 304 00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:08,292 and neither do you, so shut the fuck up, and follow my lead. 305 00:17:08,294 --> 00:17:09,360 But he-- 306 00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:27,612 I think you were right. I do remember you. 307 00:17:27,614 --> 00:17:33,117 No, I just think you got one of those faces, like you said. 308 00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:35,686 How can it be my face if I remember you? 309 00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:41,659 You... 310 00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:43,494 were at Danno's party. 311 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,166 No, I-- I don't think I was. 312 00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:51,135 Yes! Danno's! 313 00:17:51,137 --> 00:17:52,804 You're the piano tuner guy. 314 00:17:52,806 --> 00:17:54,806 We were doing shots in the kitchen. 315 00:17:54,808 --> 00:17:59,310 Oh, that Danno, yes. Yes, I was. Yes. 316 00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:02,213 - Sorry. - I totally remember you. 317 00:18:02,215 --> 00:18:04,449 So, you live around here? 318 00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:07,518 - Mm-hmm. - Then why are we in a hotel? 319 00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,556 Come on, Statton. 320 00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:14,525 You don't want to die with a lie on your conscience. 321 00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:17,728 That is true. As a Catholic, it's highly inadvisable. 322 00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:23,868 I, um, still live with my wife. 323 00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:27,305 - Oh, Jesus. - No, we're separated. 324 00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:29,373 I sleep on the sofa in the living room. 325 00:18:29,375 --> 00:18:31,375 Just hasn't been the right time to leave. 326 00:18:31,377 --> 00:18:34,312 Sure, you're separated, but you still live together. 327 00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:37,548 - Totally believable. - I promise you, she won't mind me being here. 328 00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:40,651 - I could introduce you, if you like. - No, I'm fine, really. 329 00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:47,725 So, uh, how do you know Danno? 330 00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:49,627 Well, my mate Theo is his supplier. 331 00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,329 You're a drug dealer, too? 332 00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:54,398 No. Theo's a drug dealer. 333 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,634 I would never be a drug dealer. 334 00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:59,403 It's too fussy. Might as well be a shopkeeper. 335 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,808 ( cell phone ringing ) 336 00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:09,280 Oh. 337 00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:11,849 Yeah? What do you got? 338 00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:15,653 Will's brother is cave-diving in Azerbaijan. 339 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:18,923 - I'm fucking dying here. - Yeah, I know. 340 00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:21,225 - I'm exploring other options. - Like what? 341 00:19:21,227 --> 00:19:25,596 - Theo knows this vet. - A vet? Victor the vet? 342 00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:27,798 Yeah, I think he said his name was Victor, yeah. 343 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,268 Well, he's not even a real vet. He got his diploma on the Internet. 344 00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:33,704 Well, Theo swears by him. Said he was a star when his wee doggie got shot. 345 00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:36,274 I won't see a vet without proper qualifications. 346 00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:39,610 Hey, that doggie has little wheels on his back legs now. 347 00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:43,714 Are you telling me that his last patient is now a paraplegic? 348 00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:47,952 Yeah, all right, I'll sort something else out. 349 00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:51,222 And a packet of chewing gum, please. Sugar-free. 350 00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,492 How's the situation now? 351 00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:57,628 Oh, ahem, yeah, situation's under control, Dec. 352 00:19:57,630 --> 00:20:00,631 You'll never guess. 353 00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:03,935 Statton and I have met before at one of Danno's parties. 354 00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:08,372 What the fuck? Are you a chartered moron? 355 00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:11,442 If he knows you, he can ID you. 356 00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:13,644 If they can hear you, don't say a fucking word. 357 00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:19,584 This is why you are the sidekick. 358 00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:24,355 Fuck you. What do I do? 359 00:20:24,357 --> 00:20:27,692 Well, you're gonna have to kill 'em. 360 00:20:27,694 --> 00:20:28,960 What? 361 00:20:28,962 --> 00:20:32,997 Well, I, uh-- I've, uh, never-- 362 00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:36,801 never really had any experience in that kind of area before. 363 00:20:36,803 --> 00:20:40,972 Are you trying to tell me that you have never killed anyone before? 364 00:20:40,974 --> 00:20:42,506 That's correct. 365 00:20:42,508 --> 00:20:46,310 Jesus. You must have. 366 00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:48,346 - Well, I haven't. - Are you sure? 367 00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:50,448 Well, I'm pretty sure I'd remember that sort of thing. 368 00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:52,984 Jesus, Kipper. 369 00:20:52,986 --> 00:20:56,854 And, um, you know, there's been a little bit of bonding, 370 00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:59,290 and, uh, reminiscences and all that. 371 00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:01,726 I have three previous. 372 00:21:01,728 --> 00:21:03,527 I'm on parole. 373 00:21:03,529 --> 00:21:07,031 I will get 20 years for armed robbery. 374 00:21:07,033 --> 00:21:09,634 I am not gonna do 20 fucking years 375 00:21:09,636 --> 00:21:11,636 'cause you're a French fancy! 376 00:21:14,540 --> 00:21:15,973 All right. 377 00:21:17,577 --> 00:21:18,976 You'll have to kill her, too. 378 00:21:18,978 --> 00:21:22,713 No. No. 379 00:21:22,715 --> 00:21:28,886 - No, no. - She will see you kill him. 380 00:21:28,888 --> 00:21:31,756 We can't have her being a witness to that, can we? 381 00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:36,961 I can't do it. 382 00:21:39,365 --> 00:21:41,332 All right, I'll do it, 383 00:21:41,334 --> 00:21:44,068 if you admit you're the sidekick. 384 00:21:44,070 --> 00:21:47,905 You're wrong. It got a lot friendly, and you don't shoot a friend. 385 00:21:47,907 --> 00:21:50,808 I'm a lot less shootable now that he knows me socially. 386 00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:53,077 No, no, no. You're wrong. 387 00:21:53,079 --> 00:21:56,414 He can't let you go, so now he can't let me go. 388 00:21:57,817 --> 00:21:59,483 ( Kipper whispering ) 389 00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:00,918 As soon as this is through 390 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:03,754 I'm taking Tina and the kids... 391 00:22:03,756 --> 00:22:06,824 ( continues whispering ) 392 00:22:13,766 --> 00:22:16,534 Drop the gun and the phone. 393 00:22:18,738 --> 00:22:22,506 - How did you get that? - You left it on the chair, Pirate King. 394 00:22:24,977 --> 00:22:26,977 I am the sidekick. 395 00:22:38,958 --> 00:22:41,592 Hello, my name's Statton Taylor. I'm in room 304. 396 00:22:41,594 --> 00:22:43,961 We need police and ambulance right away. 397 00:22:43,963 --> 00:22:45,863 Oh, thank you very much. Okay, bye. 398 00:22:48,134 --> 00:22:50,968 Police are on their way up 'cause of the earlier bangs-- shot, shots. 399 00:22:50,970 --> 00:22:52,403 - Statton? - Hmm? 400 00:22:52,405 --> 00:22:55,039 - Get the gun. - Oh, right. 401 00:23:00,646 --> 00:23:04,815 Please, give me a chance. Give me a head start, okay? 402 00:23:04,817 --> 00:23:07,618 I've got kids, I'm an opera singer, and... 403 00:23:07,620 --> 00:23:09,987 I'm clearly not good at this. 404 00:23:11,991 --> 00:23:14,992 I'll quit. 405 00:23:14,994 --> 00:23:16,927 I'll go into teaching. 406 00:23:23,870 --> 00:23:26,470 ( screaming ) 407 00:23:26,472 --> 00:23:30,608 - Police! Get on the floor! - Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Get on the floor! 408 00:23:30,610 --> 00:23:33,511 Thank Christ you're here! 409 00:23:33,513 --> 00:23:35,813 - What? - They tried to kill me! I brought her up to my room, 410 00:23:35,815 --> 00:23:37,548 and she pulled out a gun and called her boyfriend. 411 00:23:37,550 --> 00:23:40,918 - He was robbing us. - You get your heads down! 412 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,154 The room's in my name. My name's Statton Taylor. 413 00:23:43,156 --> 00:23:45,022 Of course it is. And I'm the one being held at gunpoint. 414 00:23:45,024 --> 00:23:47,525 - I'm Statton Taylor! - No, he's not! 415 00:23:47,527 --> 00:23:48,793 - Shut the fuck up! - Okay, okay, okay. 416 00:23:48,795 --> 00:23:50,494 Have you got any ID, sir? 417 00:23:50,496 --> 00:23:53,063 - Hey, that's my wallet! - Shut it! 418 00:24:00,706 --> 00:24:04,208 - Any photo ID? - Ah, Jesus. They're the ones with the guns. 419 00:24:04,210 --> 00:24:07,812 - Whose ID do you think it is? - It's mine! He stole the wallet from me! 420 00:24:07,814 --> 00:24:10,781 Very slowly look up towards the door. 421 00:24:10,783 --> 00:24:12,817 Sedgwick, manager. 422 00:24:12,819 --> 00:24:15,486 Which one of these men is Statton Taylor? 423 00:24:17,523 --> 00:24:19,690 - That one. - What? 424 00:24:19,692 --> 00:24:21,892 - I talked to him earlier. - Mary: His name is Kipper. 425 00:24:21,894 --> 00:24:24,161 He went to the door. He had us at gunpoint. 426 00:24:24,163 --> 00:24:26,964 You're the one with the guns. He's the one that's wounded. 427 00:24:26,966 --> 00:24:31,135 - Twice. Wounded twice. - We'll get you to the hospital, Mr. Taylor. 428 00:24:31,137 --> 00:24:33,737 - We'll take a statement in the morning. - Thank you, officer. 429 00:24:33,739 --> 00:24:34,772 I thought they were gonna kill me. 430 00:24:34,774 --> 00:24:37,641 We do our job, that's all. 431 00:24:37,643 --> 00:24:39,944 Sedgwick: You do not have to say anything, 432 00:24:39,946 --> 00:24:43,013 but it may harm your defense if you don't mention when questioned 433 00:24:43,015 --> 00:24:46,083 something you later rely on in court. 434 00:24:46,085 --> 00:24:48,152 ( music playing ) 435 00:25:08,841 --> 00:25:14,011 Fuck. Statton, I think I've got a wrap of coke in my pocket. 436 00:25:14,013 --> 00:25:16,514 What? Cocaine? 437 00:25:16,516 --> 00:25:18,949 Mm-hmm. Can you reach it? It's in my jacket pocket. 438 00:25:18,951 --> 00:25:22,953 - But they searched you. - There's a zip pocket inside the pocket. 439 00:25:22,955 --> 00:25:28,092 - Just leave it there. - No, no. They might have dogs at the station. 440 00:25:28,094 --> 00:25:31,161 - ( police radio chatter ) - Why do you have cocaine anyway? It's illegal. 441 00:25:31,163 --> 00:25:33,797 It's from a party weeks ago. 442 00:25:33,799 --> 00:25:36,967 - Just get it. - All right. 443 00:25:36,969 --> 00:25:38,269 God! 444 00:25:43,142 --> 00:25:44,875 I can't. 445 00:25:44,877 --> 00:25:47,878 - That is not my pocket. - Sorry. 446 00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:49,880 I've got it, I've got it, I've got it. 447 00:25:52,051 --> 00:25:53,717 Let's hand it in. 448 00:25:53,719 --> 00:25:56,954 No, no. Just drop it when we get out of the van. 449 00:25:56,956 --> 00:26:00,691 No, you always go to the authorities, that way they never suspect you. 450 00:26:04,130 --> 00:26:06,263 - Officer? - ( banging ) 451 00:26:06,265 --> 00:26:09,266 - Officer, I found illegal drugs in the back of your van. - Statton, no, no, no. 452 00:26:43,603 --> 00:26:46,370 Not your first time then. 453 00:26:46,372 --> 00:26:49,106 - What? - We've run a check on your girlfriend's fingerprints. 454 00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:52,876 - She's not my girlfriend. - Oh, I'm sorry. Your "lady friend." 455 00:26:52,878 --> 00:26:55,813 Her name is Yvonne Page, 456 00:26:55,815 --> 00:27:00,284 and she has a previous for armed robbery. 457 00:27:00,286 --> 00:27:03,087 We're not saying anything till our lawyer gets here. 458 00:27:03,089 --> 00:27:06,657 - Come back then. - Oh, I will. 459 00:27:22,241 --> 00:27:24,675 Fucking sidekick. 460 00:27:25,411 --> 00:27:26,910 Fuck. 461 00:27:35,421 --> 00:27:38,155 Where's the leg that needs fixing then? 462 00:27:40,226 --> 00:27:42,793 Your name's Yvonne? Your name's not even Carol. 463 00:27:42,795 --> 00:27:44,795 You have previous convictions. 464 00:27:44,797 --> 00:27:46,430 Oh, that's it, we're going down. 465 00:27:46,432 --> 00:27:48,766 Oh, calm down. It's not like I planned this. 466 00:27:48,768 --> 00:27:50,934 If I did, I wouldn't have a criminal record now, would I? 467 00:27:50,936 --> 00:27:54,104 Still your fault. You grabbed the gun. You had the cocaine. 468 00:27:54,106 --> 00:27:56,140 Oh, my God, I'm going down for armed robbery. 469 00:27:56,142 --> 00:27:59,677 Oh, my giddy Christ, why didn't you tell me you'd already been arrested? 470 00:27:59,679 --> 00:28:02,246 - It was a long time ago. I-- - Well, how long ago? 471 00:28:02,248 --> 00:28:03,914 Was it before or after the nunnery? 472 00:28:03,916 --> 00:28:07,317 It was actually the reason I was asked to leave. 473 00:28:08,821 --> 00:28:11,822 You committed armed robbery when you were a nun? 474 00:28:11,824 --> 00:28:13,824 I just drove the getaway car. 475 00:28:13,826 --> 00:28:15,959 No one thought they'd chase the convent car. 476 00:28:15,961 --> 00:28:18,462 It had St. Lucy of the Isle Convent written all over it. 477 00:28:18,464 --> 00:28:20,097 You were a nun here on the island? 478 00:28:20,099 --> 00:28:21,832 - Mm-hmm. - I thought you were a tourist. 479 00:28:21,834 --> 00:28:23,333 I left the island years ago. 480 00:28:23,335 --> 00:28:25,703 I just come back every now and again. 481 00:28:25,705 --> 00:28:27,938 To wreak havoc and get people arrested. 482 00:28:27,940 --> 00:28:30,374 Look, you're making too much of it. 483 00:28:30,376 --> 00:28:33,310 I got a suspended sentence, I didn't do time. 484 00:28:33,312 --> 00:28:34,978 Who are you even doing this with? 485 00:28:34,980 --> 00:28:37,114 - Errant nuns who needed-- - No. 486 00:28:37,116 --> 00:28:39,116 I fell in with a bad crowd. 487 00:28:39,118 --> 00:28:41,085 How? You were living in a convent! 488 00:28:41,087 --> 00:28:44,321 They were a youth group. Troubled teens. 489 00:28:44,323 --> 00:28:46,724 I was supposed to be mentoring them, 490 00:28:46,726 --> 00:28:49,159 - but instead-- - Instead, you committed armed robbery with them. 491 00:28:49,161 --> 00:28:52,229 Oh, they were fun, and they offered to give me some of the cash. 492 00:28:52,231 --> 00:28:55,399 You have no idea how hard the vow of poverty is. 493 00:28:55,401 --> 00:29:01,772 - Fuck-a-fuck. - Way worse than chastity by far. 494 00:29:01,774 --> 00:29:03,774 ( phone ringing ) 495 00:29:08,180 --> 00:29:10,214 Hello. Statton Taylor speaking. 496 00:29:10,216 --> 00:29:14,284 - Kipper! What's going on? - Oh, calm down, mum. 497 00:29:14,286 --> 00:29:17,154 I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm in the hospital. 498 00:29:17,156 --> 00:29:20,290 - You're not in the nick? - No. No, no, no. 499 00:29:20,292 --> 00:29:22,459 They caught the pair that did it. 500 00:29:25,364 --> 00:29:28,899 Are you telling me the two people that can ID us 501 00:29:28,901 --> 00:29:30,534 are in the fucking nick? 502 00:29:30,536 --> 00:29:32,302 That's right, mum. 503 00:29:42,381 --> 00:29:43,981 You really stupid, you know that? 504 00:29:43,983 --> 00:29:47,050 I woke Petal up and got her to put on 505 00:29:47,052 --> 00:29:49,219 a nurse's uniform to instill confidence in you, 506 00:29:49,221 --> 00:29:51,555 and you're not even fucking here! 507 00:29:51,557 --> 00:29:53,323 Look, someone with a first aid certificate 508 00:29:53,325 --> 00:29:56,260 that you do weekly role-play with is not a nurse. 509 00:29:58,063 --> 00:30:00,230 Mum. 510 00:30:00,232 --> 00:30:03,033 Just get yourself out of the hospital as soon as you can, 511 00:30:03,035 --> 00:30:05,536 before the Bobbsey twins ID you. 512 00:30:07,940 --> 00:30:09,306 Love you, bye. 513 00:30:10,242 --> 00:30:11,408 Prick. 514 00:30:15,281 --> 00:30:16,580 We have to go, Petal. 515 00:30:16,582 --> 00:30:20,083 Shame to waste the bed. 516 00:30:20,085 --> 00:30:25,022 You could be done in three minutes, Dec-ster. 517 00:30:32,932 --> 00:30:36,300 This can't be happening. This can't be happening to me. 518 00:30:36,302 --> 00:30:39,169 - This is your fault! - This is good for you. 519 00:30:39,171 --> 00:30:41,872 You needed something like this. 520 00:30:54,253 --> 00:30:57,621 I don't want no trouble. I just wanna go home. 521 00:30:57,623 --> 00:30:59,456 ( sobbing ) 522 00:30:59,458 --> 00:31:04,628 Seems to me like you need a new start. 523 00:31:04,630 --> 00:31:07,297 Get your own place. 524 00:31:07,299 --> 00:31:09,132 That problem seems to be solved. 525 00:31:09,134 --> 00:31:11,134 I'm about to get a cell of my own. 526 00:31:11,136 --> 00:31:13,136 It'd be better than what you have. 527 00:31:13,138 --> 00:31:15,138 You got no life. 528 00:31:15,140 --> 00:31:17,574 Don't judge me. You can't judge me. 529 00:31:17,576 --> 00:31:21,011 I run my own business. I tune pianos, which is a-- 530 00:31:21,013 --> 00:31:22,946 Which is, when you think about it, 531 00:31:22,948 --> 00:31:25,315 making something someone else made very slightly better. 532 00:31:25,317 --> 00:31:28,285 You don't make pianos. You don't make music. 533 00:31:28,287 --> 00:31:32,356 What the-- I allow other people to make music. 534 00:31:32,358 --> 00:31:36,026 Well, aren't you tired of letting other people make the music? 535 00:31:36,028 --> 00:31:39,663 When I started, there were a thousand functioning pianos 536 00:31:39,665 --> 00:31:42,232 on this island, and now there are 400. 537 00:31:42,234 --> 00:31:46,937 I'm not even a failed musician anymore. I'm a failed piano tuner. 538 00:31:48,340 --> 00:31:51,341 Except now I'll be nothing, 539 00:31:51,343 --> 00:31:53,210 because I'll have a criminal record. 540 00:31:53,212 --> 00:31:56,079 And what school or church or community hall 541 00:31:56,081 --> 00:31:58,682 is gonna give me the run of their place, eh? 542 00:31:58,684 --> 00:32:02,953 Because my life, the one you say I don't have, 543 00:32:02,955 --> 00:32:04,421 will be over. 544 00:32:04,423 --> 00:32:07,190 You're acting like we're guilty here. 545 00:32:07,192 --> 00:32:09,593 The whole thing is kinda funny when you think about it. 546 00:32:09,595 --> 00:32:12,195 The cops arresting us while the guy was in the room? 547 00:32:12,197 --> 00:32:14,097 That wasn't remotely funny. 548 00:32:14,099 --> 00:32:16,066 And who gives a flying frick if we're innocent 549 00:32:16,068 --> 00:32:17,434 if we can't prove it? 550 00:32:17,436 --> 00:32:20,704 Look, when our lawyer gets here, he-- 551 00:32:20,706 --> 00:32:23,974 he should be here. What time is it? 552 00:32:23,976 --> 00:32:26,543 Well, I don't know, because the very expensive watch 553 00:32:26,545 --> 00:32:28,145 that my wife bought me has been stolen. 554 00:32:28,147 --> 00:32:30,080 It wasn't expensive. It was a fake. 555 00:32:30,082 --> 00:32:32,382 My wife bought me that watch from a very, very-- 556 00:32:32,384 --> 00:32:34,685 Then your wife was ripped off. 557 00:32:34,687 --> 00:32:36,987 My dad was a jeweler. 558 00:32:36,989 --> 00:32:38,722 I spent my childhood in Philly 559 00:32:38,724 --> 00:32:41,491 sitting in the back of his shop wearing a loupe. 560 00:32:41,493 --> 00:32:44,461 He called me Diamond Lil'. 561 00:32:44,463 --> 00:32:47,731 My watch might be fake, but at least I'm not. 562 00:32:49,401 --> 00:32:50,701 What's that supposed to mean? 563 00:32:50,703 --> 00:32:55,238 Mary, Carol, Yvonne-- whatever. 564 00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:57,607 Is there anything else you want to tell me? 565 00:32:57,609 --> 00:32:59,409 I don't want any more surprises. 566 00:32:59,411 --> 00:33:02,245 Well, one thing, 567 00:33:02,247 --> 00:33:05,382 but it's tiny, not even worth mentioning. 568 00:33:05,384 --> 00:33:08,418 - What? - It's nothing. 569 00:33:08,420 --> 00:33:10,587 I demand you tell me. 570 00:33:10,589 --> 00:33:13,557 Don't laugh at me. This is my life! 571 00:33:13,559 --> 00:33:17,127 - It was a bar fight. - You were in a bar fight. 572 00:33:17,129 --> 00:33:18,762 I was protecting a friend. 573 00:33:18,764 --> 00:33:21,431 Some guy was getting sleazy with her in the strip club. 574 00:33:21,433 --> 00:33:24,001 What were you doing in a strip club? 575 00:33:24,003 --> 00:33:26,336 Stripping. 576 00:33:30,009 --> 00:33:31,742 Right. 577 00:33:31,744 --> 00:33:34,578 Okay. 578 00:33:34,580 --> 00:33:36,113 Right. 579 00:33:36,115 --> 00:33:39,783 Was this before or after the nunnery? 580 00:33:39,785 --> 00:33:42,152 After. 581 00:33:42,154 --> 00:33:45,288 I couldn't pay the bills, couldn't go home. 582 00:33:45,290 --> 00:33:47,290 Did they know you were a nun? 583 00:33:47,292 --> 00:33:49,292 That was my act. 584 00:33:49,294 --> 00:33:52,029 - What was? - Stripping nun. 585 00:33:52,031 --> 00:33:56,666 My character was called Our Lady Of The Night. 586 00:34:07,813 --> 00:34:09,780 You don't have to stay here all night, you know. 587 00:34:09,782 --> 00:34:14,184 - Not on my account. - Don't worry, mate. 588 00:34:14,186 --> 00:34:17,287 Better in here than it is out there, I can assure you. 589 00:34:17,289 --> 00:34:19,589 Don't want to stretch your legs or anything? 590 00:34:19,591 --> 00:34:23,493 Oh, thanks. I'm meant to be here, 591 00:34:23,495 --> 00:34:27,230 just until they've taken your statement in the morning 592 00:34:27,232 --> 00:34:29,733 and checked your ID. Just formalities. 593 00:34:31,837 --> 00:34:36,373 Well, I feel really reassured that you're gonna be here, 594 00:34:36,375 --> 00:34:37,774 Officer... 595 00:34:37,776 --> 00:34:41,411 - Uh, Dean. - Dean. 596 00:34:44,349 --> 00:34:46,583 After all I've been through. 597 00:34:54,660 --> 00:34:57,527 Well, I've, um-- 598 00:34:57,529 --> 00:35:01,698 I've gone and got myself an errant nine on the top line. 599 00:35:01,700 --> 00:35:03,767 Are you any good at "Suduku"? 600 00:35:07,372 --> 00:35:09,172 ( Japanese accent ) Sudoku. 601 00:35:09,174 --> 00:35:10,607 ( chuckles ) 602 00:35:15,714 --> 00:35:17,714 Do you know, I'll have a go at this for you, officer, 603 00:35:17,716 --> 00:35:23,386 if you could get me a little chocolate biscuit or something? 604 00:35:23,388 --> 00:35:26,556 Hot drink? Anything? 605 00:35:26,558 --> 00:35:30,460 Call me Luke, now that we're sharing a "Sudoku." 606 00:35:33,265 --> 00:35:35,465 - ( muttering ) - Yeah, a crisp. 607 00:35:47,479 --> 00:35:49,579 You might not care, but I have things I need to get back for. 608 00:35:49,581 --> 00:35:51,281 Oh, really? Do you, Statton? 609 00:35:51,283 --> 00:35:52,816 You sleep on your wife's sofa bed. 610 00:35:52,818 --> 00:35:54,584 What were your big plans tonight, 611 00:35:54,586 --> 00:35:56,353 to go home and jerk off and cry? 612 00:35:56,355 --> 00:35:59,589 - Jerk off and cry? - Jerk off and cry. 613 00:35:59,591 --> 00:36:02,259 - Fuck off and die. - Oh, come on! 614 00:36:02,261 --> 00:36:04,761 Isn't a part of you enjoying that something's happening to you? 615 00:36:04,763 --> 00:36:06,930 - No! - Wouldn't you like to have one story 616 00:36:06,932 --> 00:36:09,232 that didn't end with, "And there was a cat 617 00:36:09,234 --> 00:36:10,734 trapped in my piano all along?" 618 00:36:10,736 --> 00:36:12,936 You loved that story! You laughed at that story-- 619 00:36:12,938 --> 00:36:15,205 that story got you into my bed! 620 00:36:15,207 --> 00:36:18,742 That story made me realize that you needed to get laid. 621 00:36:20,312 --> 00:36:22,612 And you know what else? 622 00:36:22,614 --> 00:36:24,781 At the hotel, 623 00:36:24,783 --> 00:36:29,619 I left the door unlocked deliberately 624 00:36:29,621 --> 00:36:33,623 because it's more exciting that way. 625 00:36:33,625 --> 00:36:37,394 You fucked up nun! You fucked up fucking nun! 626 00:36:40,299 --> 00:36:43,466 Mm-hmm. Yup, yup, yup. 627 00:36:43,468 --> 00:36:44,734 Well, this seems to be the room, 628 00:36:44,736 --> 00:36:47,337 that makes you the clients. 629 00:36:47,339 --> 00:36:48,939 Are you our lawyer? 630 00:36:48,941 --> 00:36:51,808 - Yeah. Yup. - Can I get some ice please? 631 00:36:51,810 --> 00:36:56,346 I doubt it. No. The facilities here are surprisingly two-star. 632 00:36:56,348 --> 00:36:58,481 - I'm really hurt. - No shit. 633 00:36:58,483 --> 00:37:00,217 So, tell me how innocent you are. 634 00:37:00,219 --> 00:37:02,385 How the cops have got it all wrong. 635 00:37:02,387 --> 00:37:03,520 They have got it all wrong. 636 00:37:03,522 --> 00:37:05,655 Okay, Yvonne, I'm listening. 637 00:37:05,657 --> 00:37:07,357 I prefer Carol. 638 00:37:07,359 --> 00:37:08,992 Or Mary or countless other names. 639 00:37:08,994 --> 00:37:10,493 Always reassures the court if you have a number 640 00:37:10,495 --> 00:37:11,628 of functional pseudonyms. 641 00:37:11,630 --> 00:37:13,263 Yvonne will do. 642 00:37:13,265 --> 00:37:15,665 Yeah. Yup, yup, yup. 643 00:37:15,667 --> 00:37:18,835 Well, I'm Rich. Uh, name only. 644 00:37:18,837 --> 00:37:20,670 Obviously, not literally rich 645 00:37:20,672 --> 00:37:22,539 or I'd be drunk this time of night. 646 00:37:22,541 --> 00:37:25,375 Look, these guys, they stole my watch, they stole my identity. 647 00:37:25,377 --> 00:37:28,011 Yup, yup, yup. Well, I think I have enough. 648 00:37:28,013 --> 00:37:29,813 - You don't have a enough. - They held us and gunpoint. 649 00:37:29,815 --> 00:37:31,281 I have enough to get you bail. 650 00:37:31,283 --> 00:37:32,916 But you don't need bail in the UK. 651 00:37:32,918 --> 00:37:34,484 This is not the UK. 652 00:37:34,486 --> 00:37:36,686 It's an island Crown dependency. 653 00:37:36,688 --> 00:37:38,788 You can get to the mainland on a rowboat. 654 00:37:38,790 --> 00:37:42,759 You need bail. So, who do I call? 655 00:37:42,761 --> 00:37:45,028 - I don't know. - No one springs to mind. 656 00:37:45,030 --> 00:37:46,296 Me neither. 657 00:37:48,700 --> 00:37:49,899 Okay. 658 00:37:52,404 --> 00:37:55,905 Tell me a very, very interesting story. 659 00:37:58,877 --> 00:38:01,544 Hello, Danno. Look, I'm sorry it's so late. 660 00:38:01,546 --> 00:38:03,713 Uh, it's Statton. 661 00:38:03,715 --> 00:38:06,549 Yeah, right back to you. Yeah, fine, fine. 662 00:38:06,551 --> 00:38:09,886 How are you? Uh, look, sorry, mate, I need to get to the point. 663 00:38:09,888 --> 00:38:13,056 Do you remember a guy called Kipper from your party? 664 00:38:13,058 --> 00:38:15,725 Yeah, do you know his surname? 665 00:38:15,727 --> 00:38:20,063 - Oh, no, he doesn't know. - Give me that. 666 00:38:20,065 --> 00:38:23,733 Danno, are you Catholic? 667 00:38:23,735 --> 00:38:25,902 Well, I'm a virgin motherfucking nun 668 00:38:25,904 --> 00:38:28,305 and I need you to reach back down there 669 00:38:28,307 --> 00:38:31,574 into you subconscious and figure the fuck out what Kipper's last name is 670 00:38:31,576 --> 00:38:34,744 or I'll personally see to it that you're stuck in Purgatory 671 00:38:34,746 --> 00:38:37,914 for the duration of your natural born death! 672 00:38:37,916 --> 00:38:39,582 Whew! Oof. 673 00:38:39,584 --> 00:38:40,750 Yup. 674 00:38:43,522 --> 00:38:45,555 Motherfucker. 675 00:38:46,792 --> 00:38:49,926 ( all inhale ) 676 00:38:49,928 --> 00:38:52,462 Get the hospital on the phone now. 677 00:38:52,464 --> 00:38:54,364 Right. What was his sidekick's name? 678 00:38:54,366 --> 00:38:57,967 I don't remember. I'm not very good with names. 679 00:38:59,471 --> 00:39:01,838 They did say. I did a mnemonic. 680 00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:03,073 You used my mnemonics? 681 00:39:03,075 --> 00:39:05,108 I pictured the Titanic. 682 00:39:05,110 --> 00:39:06,876 Rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. 683 00:39:06,878 --> 00:39:08,511 His name is Deck Chair! 684 00:39:08,513 --> 00:39:09,646 Dec. Short for Declan. 685 00:39:09,648 --> 00:39:10,647 Dec, Dec. His name's Dec. 686 00:39:10,649 --> 00:39:11,915 Uh... 687 00:39:13,618 --> 00:39:16,519 Yeah, Kipper's gone. 688 00:39:16,521 --> 00:39:18,621 He walked out of the hospital 689 00:39:18,623 --> 00:39:22,025 when Officer Dean went to get him a chocolate bickie. 690 00:39:23,962 --> 00:39:25,628 Go and make up a better story 691 00:39:25,630 --> 00:39:27,797 of how this criminal got away. 692 00:39:27,799 --> 00:39:30,133 Ideally, one that doesn't make me look like a prick 693 00:39:30,135 --> 00:39:32,435 for allowing the two of you out of the station. 694 00:39:34,806 --> 00:39:36,673 Go. 695 00:39:39,511 --> 00:39:42,779 - Could we go? - You're still charged with possession of cocaine. 696 00:39:42,781 --> 00:39:45,648 I think under the circumstances, Sergeant, 697 00:39:45,650 --> 00:39:47,650 all charges should be dropped. 698 00:39:47,652 --> 00:39:49,919 Do you? Sadly, I disagree. 699 00:39:49,921 --> 00:39:54,524 Officer, the drugs were mine. 700 00:39:54,526 --> 00:39:56,826 Statton had nothing to do with it. 701 00:39:56,828 --> 00:39:58,528 Well, he was holding them, 702 00:39:58,530 --> 00:40:00,029 which means you're both in possession 703 00:40:00,031 --> 00:40:02,665 with conspiracy to pervert the course of justice. 704 00:40:02,667 --> 00:40:06,403 Your bail just doubled, you numpties! 705 00:40:23,555 --> 00:40:26,790 Dec, I am out. I'm out. 706 00:40:26,792 --> 00:40:30,560 Oh, good. They'll be out sooner or later, too. 707 00:40:30,562 --> 00:40:31,828 We got to get rid of them. 708 00:40:31,830 --> 00:40:33,463 No, no, no, no, it's too late. 709 00:40:33,465 --> 00:40:34,664 Too late, they'll definitely 710 00:40:34,666 --> 00:40:35,865 have talked by now, definitely. 711 00:40:35,867 --> 00:40:37,033 Yeah, but you can't have a trial 712 00:40:37,035 --> 00:40:39,035 without witnesses, can you, buddy? 713 00:40:39,037 --> 00:40:42,906 I told you, right, not to go into a room 714 00:40:42,908 --> 00:40:45,041 where people were still awake. 715 00:40:45,043 --> 00:40:47,043 I told you it was reckless. 716 00:40:47,045 --> 00:40:48,478 But you didn't listen. 717 00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:50,046 It was just meant to be a bit of fun. 718 00:40:50,048 --> 00:40:51,681 Something funny to tell the boys. 719 00:40:51,683 --> 00:40:53,583 Yeah, well, I'll tell you what is funny, okay? 720 00:40:53,585 --> 00:40:55,585 I gotta lay low, Dec? Okay? The cops are after me 721 00:40:55,587 --> 00:40:57,053 and they don't know what you look like! 722 00:40:57,055 --> 00:41:01,224 Does your kid know what you look like? 723 00:41:01,226 --> 00:41:03,092 Because at this rate, he'll be identifying 724 00:41:03,094 --> 00:41:06,229 your dead body in the morgue, mate. 725 00:41:15,140 --> 00:41:18,074 Hello, Denise, I'm sorry to wake you. 726 00:41:18,076 --> 00:41:22,912 Um, I'm in the police station. 727 00:41:22,914 --> 00:41:24,247 I really don't want to ask, 728 00:41:24,249 --> 00:41:30,920 but, uh, could you, um, bail me out? 729 00:41:30,922 --> 00:41:33,890 And my friend? 730 00:41:35,694 --> 00:41:38,661 - Denise, thanks. Look-- - This your friend? 731 00:41:38,663 --> 00:41:40,630 Yeah. 732 00:41:40,632 --> 00:41:42,565 Can I have a word with you please? 733 00:41:42,567 --> 00:41:45,168 Um, sure. 734 00:42:00,118 --> 00:42:04,621 Okay, I'll bail you out, but you got take him. 735 00:42:04,623 --> 00:42:07,290 - What? - He can't come back to me. 736 00:42:07,292 --> 00:42:08,791 Look, I don't know what you think this is-- 737 00:42:08,793 --> 00:42:10,927 We broke up a year ago-- 738 00:42:10,929 --> 00:42:13,563 sorry, I don't know your name. 739 00:42:14,966 --> 00:42:16,799 Call me Carol. 740 00:42:16,801 --> 00:42:20,136 Carol, please, we broke up a year ago. 741 00:42:20,138 --> 00:42:22,605 - Got a divorce. - Well, he said separated. 742 00:42:22,607 --> 00:42:26,709 He always says that. We signed divorce papers. 743 00:42:26,711 --> 00:42:29,679 He said he was gonna get his own place, 744 00:42:29,681 --> 00:42:30,813 he was just staying on the sofa bed 745 00:42:30,815 --> 00:42:32,315 - for a couple of weeks. - Yeah. 746 00:42:32,317 --> 00:42:34,817 Well, I've started seeing someone else. 747 00:42:34,819 --> 00:42:37,086 Six months went by, new guy wants to move in. 748 00:42:37,088 --> 00:42:39,822 - Oh, I see. - Do you know, tonight is the first night 749 00:42:39,824 --> 00:42:41,858 that he stayed out after 10:00? 750 00:42:41,860 --> 00:42:47,830 I was so hopeful. I thought, "This is it. 751 00:42:47,832 --> 00:42:50,833 He's met someone. He's gonna go!" 752 00:42:50,835 --> 00:42:52,835 I think it's more of a one-night kinda-- 753 00:42:52,837 --> 00:42:54,837 No. No, it can't be. 754 00:42:54,839 --> 00:42:57,707 I'll pay you to be his transitional girl. 755 00:42:57,709 --> 00:42:58,942 I mean, I'll bail you out. 756 00:42:58,944 --> 00:43:00,610 Well, can't you just ask him to leave? 757 00:43:00,612 --> 00:43:06,049 I've tried to! He just keeps not leaving. 758 00:43:06,051 --> 00:43:09,852 I have come home furious as fuck, 759 00:43:09,854 --> 00:43:12,188 ready to throw him out, change the locks, 760 00:43:12,190 --> 00:43:14,724 and he's just... 761 00:43:14,726 --> 00:43:16,192 he's cooked a risotto, 762 00:43:16,194 --> 00:43:19,329 changed my light bulbs. 763 00:43:19,331 --> 00:43:21,364 He's just not the sort of guy 764 00:43:21,366 --> 00:43:25,201 who you can throw out. 765 00:43:25,203 --> 00:43:28,037 But now, now! This is his own fault, you know. 766 00:43:28,039 --> 00:43:30,873 I can do this now. It might be my last shot. 767 00:43:30,875 --> 00:43:34,043 - I don't know. - Skip bail if you want. 768 00:43:34,045 --> 00:43:35,378 Get the ferry to the mainland. 769 00:43:35,380 --> 00:43:37,347 I don't care, just take him with you. 770 00:43:37,349 --> 00:43:40,116 I beg you. 771 00:43:47,359 --> 00:43:50,393 Do you take plastic? 772 00:43:51,763 --> 00:43:53,229 You're throwing me out? 773 00:43:53,231 --> 00:43:56,399 No, you're leaving me for her. 774 00:43:56,401 --> 00:43:57,900 But I need to come home. I just got robbed. 775 00:43:57,902 --> 00:44:00,403 I haven't got any money. 776 00:44:00,405 --> 00:44:02,071 All right, you can have what I've got in my purse, 777 00:44:02,073 --> 00:44:03,773 then call the bank tomorrow. 778 00:44:03,775 --> 00:44:07,076 You're in luck. Here's 100. Good luck, Statton. 779 00:44:07,078 --> 00:44:09,912 - What about my stuff, my-- - I'll send it on. 780 00:44:13,251 --> 00:44:16,052 Where to? 781 00:44:16,053 --> 00:44:18,854 Babe, ask Carol, huh? You live with her now. 782 00:44:27,932 --> 00:44:30,099 We made a deal. 783 00:44:30,101 --> 00:44:33,202 ( music playing ) 784 00:44:36,107 --> 00:44:39,942 Statton! Statton, wait. 785 00:44:39,944 --> 00:44:41,444 Wait. 786 00:44:41,446 --> 00:44:43,346 Statton, Statton. 787 00:44:43,348 --> 00:44:46,449 Wait! Come on! 788 00:44:46,451 --> 00:44:48,818 I can't believe you did a deal for me. 789 00:44:48,820 --> 00:44:52,121 - I'm not property. - I didn't have much choice, 790 00:44:52,123 --> 00:44:53,823 and she seemed kind of desperate. 791 00:44:53,825 --> 00:44:56,459 - I'm not living with you. - Oh, really? 792 00:44:56,461 --> 00:45:00,229 But I thought we were gonna register for twin babies and matching china. 793 00:45:00,231 --> 00:45:03,466 I hate you, I hate you! You're a curse of a woman. 794 00:45:03,468 --> 00:45:05,201 Why are you even here? 795 00:45:15,847 --> 00:45:17,780 ( scoffs ) 796 00:45:17,782 --> 00:45:20,349 Let me give you some cash, okay? 797 00:45:20,351 --> 00:45:22,085 I don't want to leave you stranded. 798 00:45:22,087 --> 00:45:24,854 I know how hard the vow of poverty is. 799 00:45:24,856 --> 00:45:26,155 Okay. 800 00:45:26,157 --> 00:45:29,158 - Look. - Thanks. 801 00:45:29,160 --> 00:45:32,495 Well, you want me to buy you a drink or not? 802 00:45:32,497 --> 00:45:34,330 You're going drinking now? 803 00:45:34,332 --> 00:45:37,166 No, I'm gonna find out where my pendant is. 804 00:45:37,168 --> 00:45:39,001 - Why? - It doesn't matter. 805 00:45:39,003 --> 00:45:41,003 Well, exactly! So, leave it! 806 00:45:41,005 --> 00:45:43,339 My birth mother left it at the hospital for me. 807 00:45:43,341 --> 00:45:45,408 - What? - I'm adopted. 808 00:45:47,879 --> 00:45:49,345 Well, I didn't know. 809 00:45:49,347 --> 00:45:52,181 I didn't either, until I did. 810 00:45:52,183 --> 00:45:54,517 And, well, she left it for me when I was born 811 00:45:54,519 --> 00:45:58,888 and I've never taken it off since I've had it. 812 00:45:58,890 --> 00:46:01,357 - Not before tonight. - Oh. 813 00:46:01,359 --> 00:46:03,359 And I know you think it's just stupid 814 00:46:03,361 --> 00:46:05,027 or just a thing or whatever, but you know what? 815 00:46:05,029 --> 00:46:06,362 I don't care what you think. 816 00:46:06,364 --> 00:46:10,032 I'm getting my necklace back. 817 00:46:10,034 --> 00:46:12,201 And you might as well come with me, 818 00:46:12,203 --> 00:46:13,970 you have nowhere else to go. 819 00:46:16,207 --> 00:46:19,976 And I bet who ever it's been hawked to is in the streets. 820 00:46:22,313 --> 00:46:26,182 ( dance music playing ) 821 00:46:38,062 --> 00:46:42,064 Oh, my God! It's Bollocks McGiven! 822 00:46:42,066 --> 00:46:44,934 - All: Bollocks! - Bollocks McGiven? 823 00:46:44,936 --> 00:46:47,236 Oh, a long story involving a night in Dublin, 824 00:46:47,238 --> 00:46:50,072 a poker game, and a frying pan. 825 00:46:50,074 --> 00:46:54,243 Oh, Bollocks! The unit's broken down again. 826 00:46:54,245 --> 00:46:55,912 Would you mind coming by and having a look? 827 00:46:55,914 --> 00:46:59,382 Sure, it's probably the throttle body cleaner again. 828 00:46:59,384 --> 00:47:01,317 Oh, you're adorable! 829 00:47:01,319 --> 00:47:05,822 Hey. You wanna Brexit? Go back to my place? 830 00:47:05,824 --> 00:47:08,958 - Oh, not tonight. - Aww. 831 00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:11,961 Do you know where I can score in here? 832 00:47:11,963 --> 00:47:15,498 Oh. 833 00:47:15,500 --> 00:47:18,367 Sorry, kid, you need cash. 834 00:47:18,369 --> 00:47:20,570 I don't give credit to customers I don't know. 835 00:47:20,572 --> 00:47:24,540 I swear I'm good for it. I was robbed tonight! 836 00:47:24,542 --> 00:47:26,442 There were these guys with guns-- 837 00:47:26,444 --> 00:47:28,277 All right! All right! 838 00:47:28,279 --> 00:47:30,513 Save your stories for some Oprah who cares. 839 00:47:37,288 --> 00:47:41,023 Hey! Did you used to do a stripping nun act? 840 00:47:43,628 --> 00:47:46,295 No. Must have been someone else. 841 00:47:47,565 --> 00:47:51,534 ( dance music continues ) 842 00:47:54,339 --> 00:47:56,372 Statton: What the fuck? 843 00:47:56,374 --> 00:47:59,475 If you talk to a drug dealer without buying drugs, 844 00:47:59,477 --> 00:48:01,644 they start to get suspicious, and he's the guy 845 00:48:01,646 --> 00:48:03,646 who'll know who's got my pendant. 846 00:48:03,648 --> 00:48:06,482 In a half hour, that guy will be my BF and F, 847 00:48:06,484 --> 00:48:08,417 and 'effing tell me everything I need to know. 848 00:48:08,419 --> 00:48:10,319 Just get rid of it. 849 00:48:10,321 --> 00:48:12,154 Mmm. 850 00:48:12,156 --> 00:48:14,523 I was hoping you would. 851 00:48:14,525 --> 00:48:18,027 There's absolutely no point in doing hard time for holding 852 00:48:18,029 --> 00:48:19,362 if you're not gonna have any fun. 853 00:48:19,364 --> 00:48:21,664 I mean, that's just-- that's just embarrassing. 854 00:48:21,666 --> 00:48:24,934 I just don't drink and drug. 855 00:48:28,172 --> 00:48:30,039 You've never done it before, have you? 856 00:48:30,041 --> 00:48:32,408 What? Yeah... 857 00:48:36,514 --> 00:48:39,015 And I kicked the gun out of his hand, right? 858 00:48:39,017 --> 00:48:41,117 It flew up in the air and I caught it, and I put it to his head, and was like, 859 00:48:41,119 --> 00:48:42,652 "Don't move, motherfucker, or I'll blow your head off." 860 00:48:42,654 --> 00:48:44,353 And then police, they've surrounded the building. 861 00:48:44,355 --> 00:48:45,955 They're like, "Come out with your hands up." 862 00:48:45,957 --> 00:48:47,456 And I was like, "Don't worry, lads, I got this." 863 00:49:30,568 --> 00:49:32,234 - ( knocking on door ) - Kitty: Bollocks! 864 00:49:32,236 --> 00:49:34,303 I'm busting like the six dams out here! 865 00:49:34,305 --> 00:49:37,640 And if you've got any drugs, I'd love some. 866 00:49:39,110 --> 00:49:40,743 I'll be right out, Kitty. 867 00:49:40,745 --> 00:49:44,547 ( rock ballad playing ) 868 00:49:44,549 --> 00:49:46,248 The duty manager comes to the door, right? 869 00:49:46,250 --> 00:49:48,017 And I knew it was either him or me. 870 00:49:48,019 --> 00:49:50,152 And he's just an innocent guy, you know? 871 00:49:50,154 --> 00:49:52,121 He's probably got a family. I don't want him to die. 872 00:49:52,123 --> 00:49:54,457 The strangest thing is, I don't even know karate, 873 00:49:54,459 --> 00:49:56,425 but I jumped off the bed, knocked him to the floor, 874 00:49:56,427 --> 00:49:57,426 and the bullet went over our heads. 875 00:49:57,428 --> 00:49:58,761 I fucking love this song. 876 00:49:58,763 --> 00:50:03,766 Crowd: ♪ If you call out my name ♪ 877 00:50:03,768 --> 00:50:07,436 ♪ I'll keep you safe ♪ 878 00:50:07,438 --> 00:50:10,773 ♪ 'Cause I wanna fight for love ♪ 879 00:50:10,775 --> 00:50:12,241 ♪ If you call out my name ♪ 880 00:50:12,243 --> 00:50:16,445 So, if I wanted to get rid of some jewelry, 881 00:50:16,447 --> 00:50:20,616 something I borrowed, who'd be interested? 882 00:50:20,618 --> 00:50:22,785 You tried eBay? 883 00:50:22,787 --> 00:50:25,287 I know that guy. 884 00:50:25,289 --> 00:50:29,158 Yeah, I helped that guy get a cat out of a piano once. 885 00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:32,628 - What? - I'm a vet. 886 00:50:32,630 --> 00:50:34,597 You get called in to do the craziest shit. 887 00:50:34,599 --> 00:50:36,165 Theo loves that story, don't you, Theo? 888 00:50:36,167 --> 00:50:38,100 Victor, you've given away the punchline now. 889 00:50:38,102 --> 00:50:41,170 - ( dog barking ) - Hey, Buddy! It's all right, Asbo. 890 00:50:41,172 --> 00:50:42,371 Victor: Dec wants you to call him, back. 891 00:50:42,373 --> 00:50:44,640 He says it's urgent. 892 00:50:44,642 --> 00:50:47,676 Tell him we've found what he's looking for. 893 00:50:53,651 --> 00:50:56,719 - I gotta go. - Wait, you haven't heard the story yet. 894 00:50:59,323 --> 00:51:00,389 Tell her the story. 895 00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:06,729 ♪ 'Cause I'm gonna fight for love ♪ 896 00:51:08,232 --> 00:51:10,366 ( no audible dialogue ) 897 00:51:13,204 --> 00:51:17,573 ( electric guitar warming up ) 898 00:51:21,679 --> 00:51:25,581 ( rock music playing ) 899 00:51:28,553 --> 00:51:30,719 Motherfucker! 900 00:51:33,691 --> 00:51:35,191 ( screaming ) 901 00:51:39,764 --> 00:51:41,497 No, no, no, no. I attacked him in front 902 00:51:41,499 --> 00:51:43,532 of a police officer completely unprovoked. 903 00:51:43,534 --> 00:51:45,334 - I have to plead guilty. - You never have to plead guilty. 904 00:51:45,336 --> 00:51:46,869 I want to plead guilty. 905 00:51:46,871 --> 00:51:49,238 It was the greatest moment of my life. 906 00:51:49,240 --> 00:51:50,539 I don't want to deny it. 907 00:51:50,541 --> 00:51:53,542 Hey, guilty makes my life easy. 908 00:51:53,544 --> 00:51:56,145 And the police are looking for Mary, right? 909 00:51:56,147 --> 00:51:58,714 Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 910 00:51:58,716 --> 00:52:01,383 If you want my advice, as a legal professional, 911 00:52:01,385 --> 00:52:03,152 don't worry about her. 912 00:52:03,154 --> 00:52:05,221 She's a very capable lady, mm-hmm. Eh? 913 00:52:07,758 --> 00:52:11,260 So, how long are we gonna wait here? 914 00:52:11,262 --> 00:52:14,163 Until Kipper calls us back and decides what to do with you. 915 00:52:21,405 --> 00:52:23,572 We shouldn't have left Asbo at the bar. 916 00:52:23,574 --> 00:52:25,174 Well, there's a new scent in the car, man. 917 00:52:25,176 --> 00:52:27,143 Do you want him barking, drawing attention? 918 00:52:27,145 --> 00:52:30,146 Theo: He doesn't like being tied up, though. You know that. 919 00:52:30,148 --> 00:52:32,648 - He's a dog, man! - Yeah, but dogs have feelings. 920 00:52:47,598 --> 00:52:48,898 Hmm. 921 00:52:51,369 --> 00:52:53,836 ( chewing loudly ) 922 00:52:56,307 --> 00:52:57,640 Can I have some gum? 923 00:53:04,615 --> 00:53:05,681 Thanks. 924 00:53:15,459 --> 00:53:19,461 So what's it like, being a dealer? 925 00:53:19,463 --> 00:53:22,965 - It's a living. - It's not like being a shopkeeper then? 926 00:53:22,967 --> 00:53:26,635 Did Kipper say that? Is he still going on about that? 927 00:53:26,637 --> 00:53:29,805 I've told him before, it's a dangerous game. 928 00:53:29,807 --> 00:53:31,974 It's not like running a Tesco Metro! 929 00:53:31,976 --> 00:53:34,810 - Jesus Christ! - Well, he didn't say that exactly. 930 00:53:34,812 --> 00:53:36,245 Oh, yes, he did. I know him. 931 00:53:36,247 --> 00:53:37,646 Don't let her wind you up. 932 00:53:37,648 --> 00:53:40,816 I'm sorry. I should have said anything. 933 00:53:40,818 --> 00:53:44,253 I'm just thinking of a career change, that's all. 934 00:53:46,657 --> 00:53:49,491 Can you really buy a degree? 935 00:53:49,493 --> 00:53:52,828 I didn't buy a degree, right? I did a course. 936 00:53:52,830 --> 00:53:55,998 On the Internet. Distance learning is the future. 937 00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:59,368 That's what I told Kipper, and he said an Internet degree 938 00:53:59,370 --> 00:54:01,670 is not worth the email it's attached to. 939 00:54:01,672 --> 00:54:04,506 - Fucking Kipper! - You know, you guys shouldn't worry 940 00:54:04,508 --> 00:54:07,009 about anything that guy says. 941 00:54:07,011 --> 00:54:09,511 He got shot in the leg tonight-- 942 00:54:09,513 --> 00:54:12,014 twice-- trying to rob a hotel. 943 00:54:12,016 --> 00:54:15,684 I mean, who does he think he is, Al Capone? 944 00:54:15,686 --> 00:54:17,686 Oh, he's a fucking amateur. 945 00:54:17,688 --> 00:54:19,688 And "Kipper"? What's with that name? 946 00:54:19,690 --> 00:54:21,857 It's a nickname. Do you wanna know how he got it? 947 00:54:21,859 --> 00:54:24,693 Oh, my God, so much. Is it embarrassing? 948 00:54:24,695 --> 00:54:26,629 Oh, you have no idea. 949 00:54:44,048 --> 00:54:46,315 ( burps ) 950 00:54:56,060 --> 00:54:59,561 Dec wants you dead, kid. He won't do 20 years. 951 00:54:59,563 --> 00:55:02,064 So, get on the first ferry to the mainland in the morning, okay? 952 00:55:02,066 --> 00:55:05,567 Okay, I will. Thanks, guys. 953 00:55:05,569 --> 00:55:09,071 And if you are gonna make those Welsh cakes, don't forget... 954 00:55:09,073 --> 00:55:12,441 - grease the griddle pan-- - With lard! 955 00:55:12,443 --> 00:55:13,976 Oh, come here. 956 00:55:21,752 --> 00:55:24,586 And by the way, it was me 957 00:55:24,588 --> 00:55:26,422 who did the stripping nun act. 958 00:55:26,424 --> 00:55:28,924 I knew it! 959 00:55:38,769 --> 00:55:42,771 - Well, look who's in trouble again. - Mary! 960 00:55:42,773 --> 00:55:45,074 Oh, thank God. I was so worried. 961 00:55:45,076 --> 00:55:49,912 - What are you doing here? - Someone had to bail you out. 962 00:55:49,914 --> 00:55:54,016 - You don't have any money. - Will you take plastic? 963 00:55:58,789 --> 00:56:02,624 Thank you, Reverend Mother. I really appreciate this. 964 00:56:02,626 --> 00:56:04,626 Don't thank me, thank Father Donald. 965 00:56:04,628 --> 00:56:09,031 - It's his credit card. - He always had a crush on me. 966 00:56:12,636 --> 00:56:15,971 Father Donald better get every penny of this back, 967 00:56:15,973 --> 00:56:19,842 - and some reward points. - ( laughs ) 968 00:56:23,414 --> 00:56:28,650 - Where are you taking me? - Please, just follow me, okay? 969 00:56:28,652 --> 00:56:32,821 We should find somewhere to hide until the first ferry. 970 00:56:32,823 --> 00:56:36,992 I am getting off this God forsaken island and never coming back. 971 00:56:36,994 --> 00:56:39,995 Well, I can't leave, can I? Where would I go? 972 00:56:39,997 --> 00:56:42,931 Um, somewhere where no one wants to kill you? 973 00:56:42,933 --> 00:56:48,537 - I don't have-- - Statton, when was the last time 974 00:56:48,539 --> 00:56:50,005 you went to the mainland? 975 00:56:50,007 --> 00:56:54,843 Uh, probably my stag night? 976 00:56:54,845 --> 00:56:57,179 I don't remember much of that, to be honest. 977 00:56:57,181 --> 00:57:02,184 - And how long ago was that? - Uh, eight years ago. 978 00:57:02,186 --> 00:57:05,687 Eight years? Wait, you haven't been off this tiny island 979 00:57:05,689 --> 00:57:06,755 in eight years? 980 00:57:08,025 --> 00:57:09,558 I haven't really had the time. 981 00:57:09,560 --> 00:57:11,727 Yes, you have. 982 00:57:11,729 --> 00:57:13,896 When was the last time you lived somewhere else? 983 00:57:13,898 --> 00:57:16,932 Did you go away to college or... 984 00:57:19,570 --> 00:57:22,204 You've never lived anywhere else but here? 985 00:57:22,206 --> 00:57:24,039 All right, that's it, buddy. 986 00:57:24,041 --> 00:57:26,575 We are getting off this island if we have to swim for it. 987 00:57:26,577 --> 00:57:28,043 No, no, no, no. Wait, please. 988 00:57:28,045 --> 00:57:31,947 Just... it's a surprise. 989 00:57:34,585 --> 00:57:36,585 All in all, I'd say I'm very good 990 00:57:36,587 --> 00:57:39,488 - for surprises this evening. - One more? 991 00:57:40,591 --> 00:57:42,891 Okay. 992 00:57:55,906 --> 00:57:59,975 ( bells tolling ) 993 00:58:03,614 --> 00:58:05,247 The convent? 994 00:58:05,249 --> 00:58:08,517 Just wait in the chapel. I'll be back. 995 00:58:23,934 --> 00:58:27,269 Hi, sorry to bother you. My name's Statton. 996 00:58:27,271 --> 00:58:30,205 Um, I actually went to Sunday school here. 997 00:58:30,207 --> 00:58:32,274 Um, that's irrelevant. 998 00:58:32,276 --> 00:58:36,945 Um, I'm a friend-- an acquaintance of Dec... lan? 999 00:58:36,947 --> 00:58:38,914 Don't know no Declan. 1000 00:58:38,916 --> 00:58:41,884 Scottish? Very-- quite angry. 1001 00:58:41,886 --> 00:58:44,653 He said you might have a necklace. 1002 00:58:44,655 --> 00:58:46,221 Don't know about no necklace. 1003 00:58:46,223 --> 00:58:50,526 - And the pendant or... - Eh. 1004 00:58:50,528 --> 00:58:53,195 Are you sure? 'Cause, I mean, he was quite adamant. 1005 00:58:53,197 --> 00:58:56,798 All right, all right. 1006 00:58:56,800 --> 00:58:58,867 I had it, but I haven't got it anymore. 1007 00:58:58,869 --> 00:59:03,305 Oh. Where is it? 1008 00:59:03,307 --> 00:59:06,008 Give me a minute. I'll call the guy and get it back to you. 1009 00:59:06,010 --> 00:59:07,743 Oh, thank you very much. 1010 00:59:07,745 --> 00:59:10,312 It'll cost you. 500 at least. 1011 00:59:10,314 --> 00:59:14,016 - Sure. - Wait in the chapel. 1012 00:59:14,985 --> 00:59:16,685 Are you online? 1013 00:59:16,687 --> 00:59:18,921 I could do a bank transfer, you see? 1014 00:59:41,345 --> 00:59:43,779 Who's that? 1015 00:59:43,781 --> 00:59:47,849 - Saint Tropez. - Oh, yeah. 1016 00:59:47,851 --> 00:59:49,851 Patron saint of suntans. 1017 00:59:49,853 --> 00:59:52,854 Heh. Suntans? 1018 00:59:52,856 --> 00:59:56,291 Okay, but it is Saint Tropez. 1019 00:59:56,293 --> 01:00:00,028 He was decapitated by Nero, 1020 01:00:00,030 --> 01:00:03,966 who set him adrift in a boat with a rooster and a dog. 1021 01:00:03,968 --> 01:00:06,668 Rougher night than ours. 1022 01:00:06,670 --> 01:00:11,873 So, what's all the mystery? What's the big surprise? 1023 01:00:11,875 --> 01:00:14,209 Have you resubmitted my application to the convent? 1024 01:00:14,211 --> 01:00:17,012 'Cause I really don't think they're gonna reconsider. 1025 01:00:17,014 --> 01:00:21,083 Just... wait and see. 1026 01:00:24,221 --> 01:00:26,388 Kipper, they're here. 1027 01:00:26,390 --> 01:00:27,956 I don't know how long I can hold them. 1028 01:00:31,061 --> 01:00:34,229 Okay, confess something. 1029 01:00:34,231 --> 01:00:38,233 Um, if a customer upsets me 1030 01:00:38,235 --> 01:00:43,405 sometimes I make their D slightly sharp. 1031 01:00:43,407 --> 01:00:47,109 - True. - True. 1032 01:00:47,111 --> 01:00:52,114 I had an affair with my math teacher's wife. 1033 01:00:52,116 --> 01:00:56,652 - That's gotta be false. - True. 1034 01:00:56,654 --> 01:00:59,354 Sometimes when I run out of underwear, 1035 01:00:59,356 --> 01:01:02,257 I'd borrow my wife's boyfriend's. 1036 01:01:02,259 --> 01:01:05,827 - Um, true. - True. 1037 01:01:05,829 --> 01:01:08,096 When I was a nun, 1038 01:01:08,098 --> 01:01:10,098 I was in a death metal band 1039 01:01:10,100 --> 01:01:12,200 called "Clitty Slickers." 1040 01:01:12,202 --> 01:01:14,369 True. Definitely true. 1041 01:01:14,371 --> 01:01:18,807 - False. - I wasn't sure you were telling the truth 1042 01:01:18,809 --> 01:01:22,844 about being a nun until Mother Superior turned up. 1043 01:01:22,846 --> 01:01:25,113 Okay. 1044 01:01:25,115 --> 01:01:26,815 Well, I didn't believe for one minute 1045 01:01:26,817 --> 01:01:28,884 you were really separated from your wife. 1046 01:01:33,190 --> 01:01:36,058 What was your worst relationship? 1047 01:01:36,060 --> 01:01:38,827 Uh... 1048 01:01:38,829 --> 01:01:41,129 - My wife. - Hmm. 1049 01:01:41,131 --> 01:01:44,032 - And your best? - My wife. 1050 01:01:47,738 --> 01:01:52,240 You know what? I think this is better. 1051 01:01:52,242 --> 01:01:54,342 Then it must have been really bad. 1052 01:01:54,344 --> 01:01:58,914 It lacked, uh... romance. 1053 01:02:14,965 --> 01:02:16,898 Statton: We're gonna get it back. 1054 01:02:16,900 --> 01:02:19,000 You don't know that. 1055 01:02:19,002 --> 01:02:20,368 Mmm. That's why we're here. 1056 01:02:20,370 --> 01:02:23,872 - What? - Father Donald's got it. 1057 01:02:23,874 --> 01:02:25,874 Well, he had it. He's getting it back. 1058 01:02:25,876 --> 01:02:28,210 How did you find this out? 1059 01:02:28,212 --> 01:02:30,746 Dec told me in the police station. 1060 01:02:30,748 --> 01:02:33,181 Dec told you? 1061 01:02:33,183 --> 01:02:34,883 And why do you think he'd do that, Statton? 1062 01:02:34,885 --> 01:02:39,054 Because I paid him. 1063 01:02:39,056 --> 01:02:43,358 You paid him? You paid him. 1064 01:02:43,360 --> 01:02:46,027 What kind of fuckwittery did they teach you 1065 01:02:46,029 --> 01:02:47,896 in piano tuning school? 1066 01:02:47,898 --> 01:02:50,365 Dec wants us dead, and you just paid him 1067 01:02:50,367 --> 01:02:53,535 to tell us where to go so he could have us killed. 1068 01:02:53,537 --> 01:02:56,238 Father Donald is a priest. We can trust him. 1069 01:02:56,240 --> 01:03:00,909 Dodgy Donald? He's receiving stolen goods. Think it through! 1070 01:03:00,911 --> 01:03:04,513 He's a priest that could afford to bail us out. 1071 01:03:04,515 --> 01:03:06,114 Come on, we gotta get out of here. 1072 01:03:09,219 --> 01:03:11,119 Fuck, I knew it! 1073 01:03:12,055 --> 01:03:13,388 Sorry, Mary, I thought that-- 1074 01:03:13,390 --> 01:03:15,423 Well, start thinking of a way out. 1075 01:03:15,425 --> 01:03:18,560 Sure, uh, um... 1076 01:03:18,562 --> 01:03:21,396 - Windows! - These windows are lead lined 1077 01:03:21,398 --> 01:03:23,498 and too high to climb out of anyway. 1078 01:03:23,500 --> 01:03:26,368 No, no, we need to attract attention. 1079 01:03:26,370 --> 01:03:28,303 Uh... 1080 01:03:39,583 --> 01:03:43,852 ( playing "House of Rising Sun" ) 1081 01:04:01,438 --> 01:04:04,339 Get up. Move. 1082 01:04:06,610 --> 01:04:09,277 We've already been to the police, Kipper. 1083 01:04:09,279 --> 01:04:10,879 There's no point. 1084 01:04:10,881 --> 01:04:13,315 Mary: No point going down for murder. 1085 01:04:13,317 --> 01:04:15,617 It's only armed robbery. No one got hurt. 1086 01:04:15,619 --> 01:04:19,454 Dec says if he gets armed robbery, he goes down for twenty. 1087 01:04:19,456 --> 01:04:23,158 Dec gets 20, I get dead, kids-- no dad. Hmm? 1088 01:04:23,160 --> 01:04:25,260 We'll refuse to testify. 1089 01:04:27,464 --> 01:04:30,632 Dec's not the sort of guy you could do a deal with. 1090 01:04:30,634 --> 01:04:34,369 I don't want to do it. I have to do it. 1091 01:04:34,371 --> 01:04:40,275 - You don't have to do-- - I have to do it! 1092 01:04:40,277 --> 01:04:44,212 Okay, okay. You have to do it. 1093 01:04:44,214 --> 01:04:50,452 But can we-- can we at least talk awhile before you do it? 1094 01:04:52,990 --> 01:04:54,089 Sure. 1095 01:05:01,431 --> 01:05:03,632 I want you to know that I've never done this before. 1096 01:05:03,634 --> 01:05:07,469 You don't have to kill anyone today, Kipper. 1097 01:05:07,471 --> 01:05:10,138 Mary: You don't have to do what Dec says. 1098 01:05:10,140 --> 01:05:12,240 You're not the sidekick. 1099 01:05:12,242 --> 01:05:15,343 Don't call me... 1100 01:05:15,345 --> 01:05:17,679 an 'effing sidekick, okay? 1101 01:05:17,681 --> 01:05:19,381 - I hate being a sidekick. - I know, I know. 1102 01:05:19,383 --> 01:05:21,016 Okay, I'm gonna do it. 1103 01:05:21,018 --> 01:05:22,317 - Oh. - Oh, no, no. No, no. 1104 01:05:22,319 --> 01:05:23,618 I'm gonna do it and then I'm gonna go. 1105 01:05:23,620 --> 01:05:26,621 Okay. 1106 01:05:26,623 --> 01:05:28,990 Just let me say my prayers first. 1107 01:05:28,992 --> 01:05:31,192 You still believe? 1108 01:05:31,194 --> 01:05:33,261 Technically, I'm still a nun. 1109 01:05:33,263 --> 01:05:36,698 - Hmm? How? - Well, I was never defrocked 1110 01:05:36,700 --> 01:05:39,968 'cause I was just a novice, so they didn't bother. 1111 01:05:39,970 --> 01:05:41,536 Well, you were pretty well defrocked tonight, love, in the hotel. 1112 01:05:41,538 --> 01:05:43,171 I saw you, okay? Some nun you are. 1113 01:05:43,173 --> 01:05:46,341 Lots of nuns sin, Kipper. We're only human. 1114 01:05:50,714 --> 01:05:53,214 Okay. 1115 01:05:53,216 --> 01:05:55,417 Okay, ask for forgiveness. Come on. 1116 01:05:55,419 --> 01:05:57,452 And say one for me. 1117 01:06:07,731 --> 01:06:13,635 Dear Lord, please forgive me for my sins of the flesh. 1118 01:06:15,238 --> 01:06:17,739 And, please, 1119 01:06:17,741 --> 01:06:20,408 have mercy on the soul of Kipper Jones. 1120 01:06:20,410 --> 01:06:24,746 I know that Matthew 20:13 says 1121 01:06:24,748 --> 01:06:27,582 that he who kills a nun shall know no forgiveness, 1122 01:06:27,584 --> 01:06:30,251 but instead will burn in a fiery pit. 1123 01:06:30,253 --> 01:06:32,253 But please, please, 1124 01:06:32,255 --> 01:06:34,589 make an exception in Kipper's case, 1125 01:06:34,591 --> 01:06:36,658 for he knows not what he does. 1126 01:06:36,660 --> 01:06:41,730 - Did you hear that? Hey! - Do you mind? I'm praying. 1127 01:06:41,732 --> 01:06:44,132 Well, that's not in the 'effing Bible. 1128 01:06:44,134 --> 01:06:45,767 Sure it is. 1129 01:06:45,769 --> 01:06:48,503 You think there's no scripture covering nun killers? 1130 01:06:52,776 --> 01:06:55,276 And please, Lord, 1131 01:06:55,278 --> 01:06:58,279 have mercy on Kipper's soul. 1132 01:06:58,281 --> 01:07:03,451 I know that according to your holy word in John 3:4, 1133 01:07:03,453 --> 01:07:07,155 you say that the eyes will be plucked out of the head 1134 01:07:07,157 --> 01:07:10,158 of anyone who slays a nun 1135 01:07:10,160 --> 01:07:12,227 or the protector of a nun. 1136 01:07:12,229 --> 01:07:14,763 The protector of the nun? It does not say that. 1137 01:07:14,765 --> 01:07:17,799 Show me. Show me where it says that in the Bible. 1138 01:07:17,801 --> 01:07:20,535 Show me in the passages where those words are used. 1139 01:07:20,537 --> 01:07:22,203 We don't have a Bible. 1140 01:07:22,205 --> 01:07:23,638 But we're in a bloody church, mate! 1141 01:07:23,640 --> 01:07:25,473 Good point. Good point. Good point. 1142 01:07:25,475 --> 01:07:29,811 You, get over there. Show me. 1143 01:07:29,813 --> 01:07:32,313 Show me in that Bible. 1144 01:07:32,315 --> 01:07:33,815 The holy Bible. 1145 01:07:33,817 --> 01:07:35,183 Holy fuck. 1146 01:07:35,185 --> 01:07:36,451 Move. 1147 01:07:36,453 --> 01:07:40,088 Show me Matthew, John... 1148 01:07:41,825 --> 01:07:45,260 Show me where it says those words, huh? 1149 01:07:49,833 --> 01:07:51,399 This Bible's in Latin. 1150 01:07:52,669 --> 01:07:54,669 But that's what it means. 1151 01:07:54,671 --> 01:07:57,105 I'm coming. I'm coming. 1152 01:08:02,679 --> 01:08:09,517 "Nonne ex denario convenisti mecum." 1153 01:08:09,519 --> 01:08:12,420 "Nonne" means "nun." 1154 01:08:12,422 --> 01:08:16,357 "Ex denario" means... 1155 01:08:16,359 --> 01:08:18,526 "Convenisti mecum." 1156 01:08:18,528 --> 01:08:20,762 "The convent's down a nun." 1157 01:08:20,764 --> 01:08:22,530 "Non facio tibi." 1158 01:08:22,532 --> 01:08:26,201 "The faceless man who does this evil act." 1159 01:08:28,238 --> 01:08:29,404 If you're lying to me-- 1160 01:08:29,406 --> 01:08:34,876 if you are lying to me... 1161 01:08:34,878 --> 01:08:37,712 Why are they still here, Kipper? 1162 01:08:37,714 --> 01:08:40,615 How long can this possibly take? 1163 01:08:43,720 --> 01:08:45,887 Get out, get out! Huh? 1164 01:08:45,889 --> 01:08:48,556 Okay, okay. 1165 01:08:48,558 --> 01:08:50,258 - Stay there! - Okay. 1166 01:08:50,260 --> 01:08:53,461 Huh? Hey! 1167 01:08:55,765 --> 01:08:56,831 You... 1168 01:09:06,576 --> 01:09:08,676 I was gonna do it, but I couldn't do it. I'm sorry, Dec. 1169 01:09:30,300 --> 01:09:34,435 - She's a nun. - Yeah? 1170 01:09:34,437 --> 01:09:36,671 Well, I'm a Methodist. 1171 01:09:36,673 --> 01:09:39,307 - ( grunts ) - ( gunshot ) 1172 01:09:39,309 --> 01:09:41,409 ( groaning ) 1173 01:09:41,411 --> 01:09:42,577 Statton! 1174 01:09:45,182 --> 01:09:46,514 ( groaning ) 1175 01:09:52,789 --> 01:09:54,222 Kipper: I'm sorry, Dec. 1176 01:09:54,224 --> 01:09:58,326 I couldn't let you do it. 1177 01:09:58,328 --> 01:09:59,861 They're innocent. I couldn't. 1178 01:10:03,600 --> 01:10:05,200 ( muttering ) 1179 01:10:08,972 --> 01:10:10,705 Oh! Kipper! 1180 01:10:10,707 --> 01:10:13,808 Oh, Kipper! Kipper. 1181 01:10:13,810 --> 01:10:16,411 Kipper: I couldn't let him do it. I couldn't. 1182 01:10:16,413 --> 01:10:18,613 I couldn't let him do it. It isn't right. 1183 01:10:18,615 --> 01:10:21,482 ( Kipper groaning ) 1184 01:10:21,484 --> 01:10:23,685 What in the name of Saint Tropez is going on in here? 1185 01:10:23,687 --> 01:10:25,520 Mother Superior, call an ambulance! 1186 01:10:25,522 --> 01:10:27,855 Call the police, Father Donald. 1187 01:10:27,857 --> 01:10:29,691 Call the ambulance. Call the police. 1188 01:10:29,693 --> 01:10:31,693 - ( Kipper groaning ) - Mary: Come here. 1189 01:10:31,695 --> 01:10:34,896 - Oh. - ( panting ) 1190 01:10:35,999 --> 01:10:42,003 Will you pray for me, Mary? 1191 01:10:42,005 --> 01:10:43,271 Will you pray for me? 1192 01:10:45,675 --> 01:10:47,809 Mary: You're gonna be fine, Pirate King. 1193 01:10:47,811 --> 01:10:49,744 Just hold on. 1194 01:11:10,533 --> 01:11:12,867 Statton: Mary, don't go. I've got your pendant. 1195 01:11:12,869 --> 01:11:15,870 Mary: It doesn't matter anyway. Forget it. 1196 01:11:15,872 --> 01:11:18,773 - Statton: Of course it does. - Mary: It doesn't. Look... 1197 01:11:21,411 --> 01:11:24,879 ...when I was 18, I stowed away on a ship. 1198 01:11:24,881 --> 01:11:28,549 Stowed away? What year was this, 1872? 1199 01:11:28,551 --> 01:11:30,718 A cargo ship, 1200 01:11:30,720 --> 01:11:35,056 to get here, because... 1201 01:11:35,058 --> 01:11:37,425 this is where she lived. 1202 01:11:37,427 --> 01:11:39,560 Your birth mother. 1203 01:11:39,562 --> 01:11:44,632 And I thought she would be so excited to meet me. 1204 01:11:47,070 --> 01:11:52,907 Well, she refused to see me. 1205 01:11:52,909 --> 01:11:55,576 Left me standing at the front door. 1206 01:11:55,578 --> 01:11:59,514 She basically abandoned me again. 1207 01:12:02,452 --> 01:12:03,818 Why are you back here? 1208 01:12:08,458 --> 01:12:09,657 Really, why? 1209 01:12:15,098 --> 01:12:16,998 She's dying, Statton. 1210 01:12:20,770 --> 01:12:23,938 Her husband wrote me, told me he'd get me in, 1211 01:12:23,940 --> 01:12:25,106 that she should see me. 1212 01:12:25,108 --> 01:12:27,575 "Should." Should! Not "wants to." 1213 01:12:27,577 --> 01:12:30,878 Things are different when people are dying. 1214 01:12:30,880 --> 01:12:33,948 Look, I don't even think he told her I was coming. 1215 01:12:33,950 --> 01:12:35,616 She probably would have just rejected me 1216 01:12:35,618 --> 01:12:37,385 and then died right in front of me. 1217 01:12:37,387 --> 01:12:40,388 Ah, she-- she might no reject you. 1218 01:12:40,390 --> 01:12:42,490 Yes. Yes. 1219 01:12:42,492 --> 01:12:44,492 And that's the comfort I can live with 1220 01:12:44,494 --> 01:12:45,960 for the rest of my life. 1221 01:12:45,962 --> 01:12:49,964 I can live with uncertainty. It's my specialty. 1222 01:12:49,966 --> 01:12:53,634 What I can't live with is a second round of rejection. 1223 01:12:53,636 --> 01:12:56,504 I just can't. And why should I? 1224 01:12:56,506 --> 01:12:59,874 Why should I let her make me feel like shit on her deathbed? 1225 01:13:01,978 --> 01:13:03,878 Well, it might not feel like that. 1226 01:13:06,149 --> 01:13:09,984 It might feel like... 1227 01:13:09,986 --> 01:13:11,652 home. 1228 01:13:11,654 --> 01:13:14,422 How do you know? 1229 01:13:17,660 --> 01:13:23,531 Well, you know adventure, Mary. 1230 01:13:23,533 --> 01:13:26,901 Home is my forte. 1231 01:13:57,133 --> 01:13:58,699 Gosh. 1232 01:13:58,701 --> 01:14:01,569 - I'm-- - You're her... 1233 01:14:01,571 --> 01:14:03,538 when I first met her. 1234 01:14:05,742 --> 01:14:08,576 You can see her now. 1235 01:14:08,578 --> 01:14:10,044 She's very ill. 1236 01:14:10,046 --> 01:14:13,047 She'll only be able to manage a short time. 1237 01:14:23,193 --> 01:14:24,725 Hello. 1238 01:14:28,031 --> 01:14:30,097 Oh, my gosh. 1239 01:14:30,099 --> 01:14:32,834 ( speaking Welsh ) 1240 01:14:32,836 --> 01:14:35,069 ( continuing in Welsh ) 1241 01:14:35,071 --> 01:14:37,205 I'm sorry, I'm not very good at Welsh. 1242 01:14:37,207 --> 01:14:39,540 ( speaking Welsh ) 1243 01:14:39,542 --> 01:14:41,909 I don't think she knows who we are. 1244 01:14:41,911 --> 01:14:43,244 She doesn't know who anyone is. 1245 01:14:43,246 --> 01:14:45,746 She's got dementia. 1246 01:14:45,748 --> 01:14:47,748 Then why did you invite me 1247 01:14:47,750 --> 01:14:49,884 if she doesn't know who anyone is? 1248 01:14:49,886 --> 01:14:52,253 I worried you wouldn't come. 1249 01:14:52,255 --> 01:14:55,089 She can remember the past. 1250 01:14:55,091 --> 01:14:58,259 She gets distressed at times. 1251 01:14:58,261 --> 01:15:01,128 Please, I think you might help her. 1252 01:15:22,218 --> 01:15:23,784 You came. 1253 01:15:29,292 --> 01:15:30,791 I came. 1254 01:15:30,793 --> 01:15:34,128 David said I need to give you advice 1255 01:15:34,130 --> 01:15:36,664 for your honeymoon. 1256 01:15:36,666 --> 01:15:38,132 The only thing I can say is this, 1257 01:15:38,134 --> 01:15:42,136 the best marriages are those between 1258 01:15:42,138 --> 01:15:45,139 an ocean and a lighthouse. 1259 01:15:45,141 --> 01:15:49,677 Two lighthouses are boring. 1260 01:15:49,679 --> 01:15:52,680 Two oceans crash about. 1261 01:15:52,682 --> 01:15:57,318 But a lighthouse and an ocean 1262 01:15:57,320 --> 01:15:59,186 will last forever. 1263 01:16:00,757 --> 01:16:03,090 Take turns! 1264 01:16:04,761 --> 01:16:07,929 Let him be the ocean sometimes, darling. 1265 01:16:07,931 --> 01:16:11,832 Turn your lights on so he can find you. 1266 01:16:11,834 --> 01:16:14,602 You don't have to be the ocean all the time. 1267 01:16:19,342 --> 01:16:21,242 No, no, no, don't take her! Bring her back. 1268 01:16:21,244 --> 01:16:23,344 It's just a hot water bottle, Aurelie. 1269 01:16:23,346 --> 01:16:24,779 Aurelie: They've taken her! Bring her back! 1270 01:16:24,781 --> 01:16:28,015 - She's mine! - No, I'm her. 1271 01:16:28,017 --> 01:16:29,350 Aurelie, I'm her. 1272 01:16:29,352 --> 01:16:30,952 Make them bring her back, sister. 1273 01:16:30,954 --> 01:16:34,889 I'm here. It's me. 1274 01:16:34,891 --> 01:16:37,625 I'm her. 1275 01:16:45,368 --> 01:16:47,101 Say my name. 1276 01:16:51,207 --> 01:16:52,273 Mother. 1277 01:16:55,044 --> 01:16:56,110 Yes. 1278 01:17:03,753 --> 01:17:05,052 You're Charlotte. 1279 01:17:07,890 --> 01:17:09,657 I'm Charlotte. 1280 01:17:25,074 --> 01:17:26,307 Come with me. 1281 01:17:28,244 --> 01:17:30,911 I can't miss my court date. 1282 01:17:34,083 --> 01:17:35,416 I'll definitely keep in touch, though, eh? 1283 01:17:35,418 --> 01:17:37,151 Hmm. 1284 01:17:41,791 --> 01:17:43,924 - Take this. - Oh. 1285 01:17:43,926 --> 01:17:46,661 - For your legal expenses. - No. 1286 01:17:46,663 --> 01:17:51,432 Go put a deposit on a flat or something. 1287 01:17:51,434 --> 01:17:54,769 If you promise to go to the mainland one day. 1288 01:17:55,938 --> 01:17:57,705 One day. 1289 01:18:48,391 --> 01:18:51,325 ( chattering ) 1290 01:18:54,097 --> 01:18:57,298 ( music playing ) 1291 01:19:13,349 --> 01:19:15,182 Excuse me, excuse me! 1292 01:19:15,184 --> 01:19:16,283 Mary! 1293 01:19:16,285 --> 01:19:17,418 Mary! 1294 01:19:19,188 --> 01:19:20,287 Mary. 1295 01:19:29,365 --> 01:19:30,931 You know you're early, right? 1296 01:19:30,933 --> 01:19:33,200 - What? - You're supposed to come 1297 01:19:33,202 --> 01:19:34,535 when I'm on the ferry. 1298 01:19:34,537 --> 01:19:36,070 Yell, "Stop the boat!" 1299 01:19:36,072 --> 01:19:40,207 Well, you know me, I'm punctual. 1300 01:19:42,211 --> 01:19:43,911 You know you can't really 1301 01:19:43,913 --> 01:19:46,213 jump in front of a bullet, right? 1302 01:19:46,215 --> 01:19:48,516 It was instinct. 1303 01:19:48,518 --> 01:19:51,218 Huh. 1304 01:19:51,220 --> 01:19:53,120 You are an ocean after all. 1305 01:19:59,562 --> 01:20:01,362 Statton. 1306 01:20:06,569 --> 01:20:08,002 Statton. 1307 01:20:13,075 --> 01:20:14,408 Say my name. 1308 01:20:14,410 --> 01:20:16,577 Oh, uh... 1309 01:20:16,579 --> 01:20:20,247 Anne-Marie, Mary, Carol, 1310 01:20:20,249 --> 01:20:22,249 Sister Mary Catherine, 1311 01:20:22,251 --> 01:20:24,585 not Yvonne, Diamond Lil', 1312 01:20:24,587 --> 01:20:26,587 Our Lady of the Night, 1313 01:20:26,589 --> 01:20:29,423 Bollocks McGiven... 1314 01:20:29,425 --> 01:20:31,025 Charlotte. 1315 01:20:32,428 --> 01:20:34,028 Just call me baby. 1316 01:20:37,967 --> 01:20:39,934 Mary: Wait, are you wearing 1317 01:20:39,936 --> 01:20:42,603 your ex-wife's boyfriend's underwear? 1318 01:20:42,605 --> 01:20:44,438 Statton: Not today. 1319 01:20:44,440 --> 01:20:46,440 Mary: Well, there's a label sewn inside 1320 01:20:46,442 --> 01:20:48,275 that says "Dan Marks." 1321 01:20:48,277 --> 01:20:49,610 Statton: Oh, yeah. 1322 01:20:49,612 --> 01:20:51,612 Ah, I forgot to tell you. 1323 01:20:51,614 --> 01:20:53,848 Statton's not my real name. 1324 01:20:53,850 --> 01:20:56,417 ( Mary laughs) 1325 01:20:56,419 --> 01:20:57,885 Mary: You're kidding, righ? 1326 01:20:57,887 --> 01:20:58,886 Statton: Am? 1327 01:20:58,888 --> 01:21:04,158 ( music playing )