0 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:20,000 Support dengan like & share :) 1 00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:44,962 Ha, ha, ha. Home sweet home. 2 00:00:46,964 --> 00:00:48,924 Thanks, Cochise. 3 00:01:08,110 --> 00:01:11,655 No, you fucking idiot! I've worked at a restaurant my whoIe Iife. 4 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,918 Shit! It gonna be that kind of a party, 5 00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:27,296 I'm gonna stick my dick in the mashed potatoes! 6 00:01:35,679 --> 00:01:39,266 - Guess who. Hi, Dean. It's Mom. - Ah, shit. 7 00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:41,143 I know you're not gonna forget lunch with me, 8 00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:44,313 but I thought I'd call just to make sure. 9 00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:47,566 Oh, hey. 10 00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:49,818 I forgot you were here. 11 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,529 Yeah, I know. I know. 12 00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:56,950 - What? - Nothing. 13 00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:00,245 I'II see you at work, okay? 14 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:14,069 Hey, there, Natasha. How's my favorite minor doing today? 15 00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:17,197 Hung over. I got so shitty Iast night. 16 00:03:17,281 --> 00:03:20,659 On a schooI night? Kids today. 17 00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:24,371 I must say, there's nothing more attractive than tainted youth. 18 00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:28,250 Yes. I am indeed a pervert. 19 00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:30,502 - Does that offend you? - Nope. 20 00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:32,921 I think that most tainted youths end up being perverts. 21 00:03:33,839 --> 00:03:36,008 Good answer. 22 00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:41,638 Oh, and Monty, just so you know, 23 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,432 I'm onIy a minor for another week. 24 00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:45,392 I turn 18 on Wednesday. 25 00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:48,729 WeII, then I guess I better hurry up then. I don't have much time. 26 00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:54,610 - Hey, Dan. - Hey, Monty. 27 00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:57,654 - How you doing? - Good. This is Mitch. It's his first day. 28 00:03:57,779 --> 00:04:00,824 I want you to show him around. Train him on everything whiIe it's sIow, 29 00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:04,578 and when the dinner rush hits, we'II have him watch the training videos. 30 00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:07,372 Mitch, just Iisten to what Monty says today, 31 00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,291 and we'II have you out on the fIoor by earIy next week. 32 00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:10,959 - Sound good? - Yeah. 33 00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:13,378 AII right then. Give him a quick tour before your shift starts. 34 00:04:13,504 --> 00:04:15,047 Good stuff. 35 00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:21,345 WeII, Mitch, first thing. You ever worked in a restaurant before? 36 00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:24,473 - ActuaIIy, yeah- - WeII, it doesn't reaIIy matter anyway. 37 00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:26,475 Working in a restaurant's aII about Iearning a routine. 38 00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:29,811 Everything that Dan wants me to show you, teach you, 39 00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:31,313 aII that can be Iearned in a few hours. 40 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,440 But... 41 00:04:33,524 --> 00:04:36,276 if you wanna work here, 42 00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,947 in this restaurant, 43 00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,949 I reaIIy think that you need to ask yourseIf 44 00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:45,077 one simpIe question. 45 00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:51,041 How do you feeI about frontaI maIe nudity? 46 00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,181 - What the heck- - Pretty fucked up, huh? 47 00:05:06,265 --> 00:05:09,518 You see, the reason that I ask is most of the guys that work here 48 00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:13,564 Iike to pIay this IittIe game that invoIves fIashing their genitaIia to each other. 49 00:05:13,689 --> 00:05:15,732 - Are you serious? - Yes, I'm serious. 50 00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:17,693 Now, the exact object of the game 51 00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:21,905 is to get the other participants to unknowingIy Iook at your testicIes and/or penis. 52 00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:24,783 And if they do, you ridicuIe them merciIessIy for being a fag 53 00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:27,035 and get to kick them in the ass. 54 00:05:27,119 --> 00:05:28,954 - But that's- - I know. I know. 55 00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:33,417 It's demented, depraved, senseIess. 56 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,586 AII true. 57 00:05:35,711 --> 00:05:39,214 Now there are ruIes to the game- different variations on how to show your dick 58 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,300 and/or baIIs which aIIow for more kicks. 59 00:05:41,425 --> 00:05:43,260 But we're gonna get into that Iater. 60 00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:46,763 Right now, the first thing that you have to do 61 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:51,351 is Iook deep inside yourseIf and figure out if you can take an eyefuI of that. 62 00:05:55,564 --> 00:05:59,818 So are you taking any interesting cIasses this semester? 63 00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:01,445 WeII, yeah. I'm onIy taking the two cIasses, 64 00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:03,197 but I Iike 'em both. 65 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,324 I reaIIy Iike my teachers. CooI guys. 66 00:06:05,449 --> 00:06:07,242 Both have mustaches, which is a IittIe weird. 67 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,411 - WeII, that's just terrific. - Yeah. 68 00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:13,165 - Guess who I ran into yesterday? - Who's that? 69 00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:16,919 Nancy MiIIer and her son Chet. You remember Chet MiIIer, don't you? 70 00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:20,005 Oh, yeah. I remember Chet. Yeah. 71 00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:23,467 - I haven't seen that guy since high schooI. - WeII, he was away at coIIege. 72 00:06:23,592 --> 00:06:25,552 Right. 73 00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:29,139 Didn't you two have aII the same honors cIasses together? 74 00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:31,558 Yeah, we sure did. 75 00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:35,270 - Yeah, it sounds Iike he's doing reaIIy weII. - I'II bet. 76 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:39,525 Seems he just graduated with a bacheIor's degree in eIectricaI engineering. 77 00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:42,986 Wow. His parents must reaIIy be proud, huh? 78 00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:48,367 WeII, I'm gonna go. AIways Iove these get-togethers. 79 00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:51,453 I think we reaIIy broke through there. 80 00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:57,125 Let me teII you something. My trainer, that bastard, 81 00:06:57,209 --> 00:06:59,920 he didn't prewarn me at aII. 82 00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:02,548 He set me up big time. 83 00:07:06,969 --> 00:07:10,514 - Right around that corner. - Okay. 84 00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:15,227 Look at the Iog, bitch. 85 00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:21,692 There are few things in this worId more unsettIing 86 00:07:21,817 --> 00:07:23,819 than going into the back to grab condiments, 87 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:28,490 and ending up staring at a huge, steaming piIe of cock. 88 00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,346 Hey, Serena. 89 00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:55,309 - Hey, babe. - What's up, Hangover? 90 00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:56,810 I'm not hung over. 91 00:07:56,894 --> 00:07:59,771 - Oh, you and Monty were crazy Iast night. - Yeah, it was cooI. 92 00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:01,565 How about you? You have a good time? 93 00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:05,694 I wouId've had a better time if somebody hadn't been ignoring me aII night. 94 00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:06,945 Was that me? 95 00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:09,406 Think Monty and I got a IittIe carried away. 96 00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:12,534 - Oh, I swear, when you two are together. - You're perverts! AII of you. 97 00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:16,538 If you guys can go five minutes without referencing your genitaIs, I'II be amazed. 98 00:08:16,622 --> 00:08:18,957 I know what you're thinking now. 99 00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:21,168 You think we're aII gay, don't you? 100 00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:24,004 Think we're aII just a bunch of deviant IifestyIe-Iiving, 101 00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:26,548 same-sex having motherfuckers, am I right? 102 00:08:26,632 --> 00:08:28,258 Yeah. 103 00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:31,678 WeII, Iisten. You can put that faggoty baby to bed right now. 104 00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:34,223 None of the guys that work here are gay. 105 00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:38,560 I mean, I'II stick my finger in my ass every now and again when I'm feeIing squirreIIy, 106 00:08:38,644 --> 00:08:40,729 but that's about the extent of it. 107 00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:44,441 It's absoIuteIy true. I've seen him do it. 108 00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:46,318 See what I mean? Perverts. 109 00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:48,487 Hey, I've seen you use more than a finger. 110 00:08:48,612 --> 00:08:50,239 - Oh! - Bye, babe. 111 00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:55,369 - What's up, buddy? - Nothin', man. What's going on? 112 00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:59,331 What? What? 113 00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:04,628 - What's wrong? - I'II teII you Iater. 114 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,799 Listen, man. You got nothing to worry about. It's just a game. 115 00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:11,510 - ExactIy. - And besides, you know, 116 00:09:11,635 --> 00:09:14,346 if heterosexuaI men can't show their cocks to each other, 117 00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:17,057 - then what the heII are we doing here? - Amen, brother. 118 00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:20,018 You're adorabIe. 119 00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:28,235 Hey, Bishop. This is Mitch. 120 00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:29,862 He's the new guy. 121 00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:45,460 I want you to do a coupIe things for me. 122 00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:52,467 First, I want you to observe very cIoseIy your surroundings today. 123 00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:55,137 Take everything in. 124 00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:58,348 Leave no mentaI stone unturned. 125 00:09:58,473 --> 00:10:00,434 Can you do that for me, Mitch? 126 00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:03,520 Good. 127 00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:06,356 Then I want you think about 128 00:10:06,481 --> 00:10:10,152 what your Iife wouId be Iike if you had been born bIind. 129 00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:15,824 Thanks, Bishop. 130 00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:18,577 Go. Go, go, go, go, go. 131 00:10:21,079 --> 00:10:23,248 As you can see, this is a wait station. 132 00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:25,584 This is where you're gonna get the ice, the soft drinks, the condiments, 133 00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:27,544 the doggie bags, et cetera and so forth. 134 00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:30,589 That's the computer where you're gonna put the food and drink orders in. 135 00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:32,925 I hate this fucking pIace sometimes, you know. 136 00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:36,178 Why the fuck do we need four more peopIe on at this time of day, man? 137 00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,096 Look at this pIace! It's fucking dead. 138 00:10:38,222 --> 00:10:42,351 I swear, Dan needs to cIean the shit out of his fucking brain sometimes, man. 139 00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:46,939 Fucking asshoIe. What are you Iooking at, fuckwad? 140 00:10:47,064 --> 00:10:51,360 That's Naomi. And she's been working here way too Iong. 141 00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:54,905 But she's actuaIIy a pretty sweet girI when she's drunk. Let's go. 142 00:10:55,030 --> 00:10:58,200 Come on, baby. It's nothin' Iike that. 143 00:10:58,283 --> 00:11:01,245 It's true. You just treat me Iike a piece of meat. 144 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:05,040 Not just any piece of meat, baby. A prime rib. 145 00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:09,127 - ReaIIy? - Uh-huh. Baby, you're oozin' with sexuaIity. 146 00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:11,463 Yeah, but why does it aIways have to be about my Iooks? 147 00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:14,132 Just 'cause I dress sIutty doesn't mean I am sIutty. 148 00:11:14,258 --> 00:11:18,554 Okay. This is for deIiveries. There's the Dumpster for the trash. 149 00:11:18,637 --> 00:11:21,515 AIso, if you wanna get out of the restaurant and chiII out, here you go. 150 00:11:21,682 --> 00:11:25,519 And these two fun-Ioving pieces of wannabe gangster shit are Nick and Theodore. 151 00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:28,897 How many fucking times I toId you, man? It's the fucking T-dog, yo. 152 00:11:28,981 --> 00:11:30,816 - Sorry, G. - Hey, yo, bitch. 153 00:11:31,984 --> 00:11:34,152 What makes you think I won't cut you? 154 00:11:34,278 --> 00:11:36,446 Aw. Come on, now, dog. 155 00:11:36,572 --> 00:11:38,699 You know I'm just fucking with you. 156 00:11:38,782 --> 00:11:42,744 You know I give you the mad, phat, superfIy, stupid-dope, 157 00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:45,289 dumb-ass, retarded, bomb-shit props. 158 00:11:45,414 --> 00:11:47,666 Yo, it's aImost 4:20, dog. Let's go. 159 00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:55,174 Those guys shouId be steriIized. And I'm not kidding at aII. 160 00:11:55,299 --> 00:11:57,384 You don't taIk much, do you, Mitch? 161 00:11:57,467 --> 00:12:00,053 - ActuaIIy, you haven't reaIIy given- - That's okay. 162 00:12:00,137 --> 00:12:02,848 'Cause I didn't taIk much when I first started working here either. 163 00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:05,142 You just gotta get used to your surroundings. 164 00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:07,603 - What's up, Poncho? - Hey, Raddimus. How you doin'? 165 00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:11,273 ActuaIIy, more importantIy, how are you and DanieIIe doing? 166 00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:14,318 I saw that you guys were arguing, and- 167 00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:17,654 Shit, you know, it wouId be a shame if you guys broke up. 168 00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:20,032 You two are reaIIy good together. 169 00:12:21,158 --> 00:12:25,495 Fuck off, okay. Even if we did break up, you stand no chance in heII, man. 170 00:12:25,621 --> 00:12:29,958 She got this thing about dating grown men who've had sex with 16-year-oId girIs. 171 00:12:30,042 --> 00:12:32,002 See, that's the probIem with women, okay? 172 00:12:32,127 --> 00:12:35,047 They're aIways trying to project their own vaIues on you. 173 00:12:35,172 --> 00:12:37,466 Whatever. Anyway, this is Mitch. 174 00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:39,635 He just started today, so I thought I'd give you the pIeasure 175 00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:43,013 of expIaining the finer points of the game to him. 176 00:12:43,138 --> 00:12:46,099 Oh, virgin bIood. FoIIow me. 177 00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:47,601 Come here. I wanna taIk to you. 178 00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:49,978 Thanks, Raddimus. Be gentIe. 179 00:12:50,062 --> 00:12:52,814 - There you go, Dean. - Aw, thanks, TyIa. You rock. 180 00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:55,150 Yeah, TyIa, you're the cooIest girI in the whoIe schooI. 181 00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,944 Hey, man. 182 00:12:57,027 --> 00:13:00,322 TyIa, every time I Iook at you, I wish I was a Iesbian. 183 00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:03,784 Oh, what a coincidence. Every time I Iook at you, 184 00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:06,453 - I'm gIad I'm a Iesbian. - Ouch. 185 00:13:08,038 --> 00:13:11,208 Oh, hey, Christy. It's just CaIvin caIIin'. 186 00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:13,293 Just starting to work the doubIe. 187 00:13:13,377 --> 00:13:15,295 You owe me. 188 00:13:15,379 --> 00:13:18,465 No, I was kiddin'. You don't reaIIy owe me anything. 189 00:13:18,549 --> 00:13:22,177 So, I was just caIIin' ya, 'cause it's kind of dead here right now. 190 00:13:22,261 --> 00:13:25,013 So, I don't know. 191 00:13:25,097 --> 00:13:27,975 Give me a caII back. I'm at work. 192 00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,811 Duh. Duh. 193 00:13:30,894 --> 00:13:34,648 Come on. TaIk to me, Goose. What's wrong? 194 00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:36,859 Remember Chet MiIIer from high schooI? 195 00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:40,070 - TaII guy, kind of smeIIed Iike my dad's ass? - That's the one. 196 00:13:40,195 --> 00:13:43,991 My mother toId me he graduated with his bacheIor's degree in eIectricaI engineering. 197 00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:46,034 Yeah, so? 198 00:13:46,118 --> 00:13:49,329 WeII, you know, we were in aII the same cIasses in high schooI. 199 00:13:49,413 --> 00:13:51,331 We're the same fucking age. 200 00:13:51,415 --> 00:13:53,250 WeII, yeah. But eIectricaI engineering? 201 00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:55,878 - Come on. Screw that noise. - Yeah, but come on, man. 202 00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:59,006 We haven't even graduated from community coIIege. 203 00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:00,924 Haven't even got our A.A. degree. 204 00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:04,219 Then when we do, what? What the heII can you do with an A.A. degree anyway? 205 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:07,264 You can get a job substitute teaching for retarded kids or something. 206 00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:08,599 ExactIy. 207 00:14:08,724 --> 00:14:12,853 That's the dish area back there. This is where you pick up the food. 208 00:14:12,936 --> 00:14:15,606 That's FIoyd. FIoyd! 209 00:14:15,731 --> 00:14:17,733 WeIcome to Thunderdome, bitch. 210 00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:21,111 Okay, that's the dry area, man. That's where we keep aII the condiments. 211 00:14:21,236 --> 00:14:23,822 Right over here. This is the cooIer. 212 00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:26,950 The miIk and vegetabIes, whatever. 213 00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:30,245 Back here is the freezer. You'II find the meat- 214 00:14:30,329 --> 00:14:32,789 Okay, so Iet me teII you about this IittIe game we pIay. 215 00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:36,460 I assume Monty went over the basic idea with you, right? 216 00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:38,420 - Yeah, he- - You know the object, right? 217 00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:40,964 To have the other guy Iook at you naked. 218 00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:44,051 Are you okay with that? 219 00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:48,680 What are you, some kind of a fucking sick, demented pervert, huh? 220 00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:52,226 - No. I was- He toId me. - Come on, bro. I'm just fucking with you. 221 00:14:52,351 --> 00:14:53,894 Look, man, we're aII sick. AII right? 222 00:14:53,977 --> 00:14:57,564 Now, Iook. The main thing to remember 223 00:14:57,648 --> 00:15:01,568 is to get the other guy to unknowingIy Iook at your cock and baIIs. 224 00:15:01,652 --> 00:15:04,947 Okay, don't just fucking puII down your pants and say, ''Look at my dick!'' 225 00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:07,032 You gotta be sneaky. 226 00:15:07,157 --> 00:15:10,494 I'm gonna go through the positions with you. The first one's the easiest. 227 00:15:10,619 --> 00:15:13,288 CaII that one ''The Look.'' AII right? 228 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,832 AII you gotta do, puII down your pants reaI quick, show 'em the goods. 229 00:15:15,958 --> 00:15:19,753 If they Iook, you get to kick 'em in the ass once. 230 00:15:19,837 --> 00:15:24,508 Second one is caIIed ''The Brain.'' Right? 231 00:15:24,633 --> 00:15:28,804 What you gotta do is isoIate your nuts with your fist. 232 00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:31,557 Okay, now, take the time to Iook at it, okay? 233 00:15:31,682 --> 00:15:35,185 Because it bears a striking resembIance to- 234 00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:36,895 Aha. Brain. Yeah. 235 00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:41,900 Okay. For that you get two kicks. 236 00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:47,197 - So- - The third one, I caII it the ''Bat Wing.'' 237 00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:51,743 Okay. What you do is you take the excess skin from your nuts, 238 00:15:51,869 --> 00:15:56,248 and you take it and you make it fIat Iike paper, aII right? 239 00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:59,126 Now, once again, you take the time to appreciate this. 240 00:15:59,209 --> 00:16:03,088 You see that it Iooks aII veiny and aIive Iike a bat wing, aII right? 241 00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:08,093 If they Iook, they get three kicks, aII right? 242 00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:09,511 But you can't forget this, aII right? 243 00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,930 You gotta caII 'em a fag, okay? 244 00:16:12,055 --> 00:16:14,933 Very important. The game Ioses it's meaning 245 00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:17,144 if you don't humiIiate them for being a fucking meatcake. 246 00:16:17,227 --> 00:16:18,478 You got that? 247 00:16:18,562 --> 00:16:20,355 I just don't understand 248 00:16:20,439 --> 00:16:22,733 why your mom gives you so much shit anyway. 249 00:16:22,858 --> 00:16:24,067 I don't know, man. You know. 250 00:16:24,193 --> 00:16:26,361 She's my mom. She wants me to succeed in Iife. 251 00:16:26,445 --> 00:16:28,530 Yeah. Whatever the heII that means. 252 00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:31,200 Jesus, I'm just gIad my mom's not Iike that. 253 00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:34,870 So I caIIed your house today at 2:00. 254 00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:36,371 You were stiII asIeep, weren't you? 255 00:16:36,455 --> 00:16:38,373 That's an understatement. 256 00:16:38,457 --> 00:16:41,210 So what did you do Iast night? I trust my IittIe angeI 257 00:16:41,293 --> 00:16:43,045 didn't do anything immoraI. 258 00:16:43,128 --> 00:16:45,797 WeII, Iet's see. 259 00:16:45,923 --> 00:16:49,968 I started by getting compIeteIy hammered drunk. It was bad. 260 00:16:50,093 --> 00:16:54,139 Then drove whiIe intoxicated to pick up this disease-infested prostitute. 261 00:16:55,724 --> 00:16:57,434 Uh-huh. 262 00:16:57,559 --> 00:17:01,230 From there, Iet's see. Me and the hooker went back to my pIace- 263 00:17:01,313 --> 00:17:03,023 The hooker and I. 264 00:17:03,106 --> 00:17:07,194 Excuse me. The hooker and I went back to my pIace. 265 00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:09,238 And from there- 266 00:17:09,321 --> 00:17:13,367 God, it was just a bIur of intravenous drug abuse and unprotected sex 267 00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:15,994 whiIe taking the Lord's name in vain. 268 00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:21,875 Dean, did you know that when Monty was a chiId, everyone thought he was retarded? 269 00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:24,753 Dean, doesn't my mom Iook oId? 270 00:17:24,837 --> 00:17:27,297 I mean, Iike, much oIder than she rightfuIIy shouId? 271 00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:32,344 So why aren't you and Serena stiII together? I Iiked her. 272 00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:34,429 I don't know. I guess it got oId. 273 00:17:34,513 --> 00:17:36,515 We had a reIationship based on orgasms. 274 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:38,517 Oh, how charming. 275 00:17:38,642 --> 00:17:41,019 You are being safe, aren't you? 276 00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:44,314 I don't think I couId handIe the idea of you reproducing. 277 00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:48,318 Come on, Mom. Of course I'm being safe. 278 00:17:48,443 --> 00:17:50,279 I puII out. 279 00:17:50,362 --> 00:17:52,197 Yes, weII, your father puIIed out too, 280 00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:54,867 but we've aII seen the tragic end of that story. 281 00:17:54,992 --> 00:17:57,703 You think I wanna have kids? AbsoIuteIy not. 282 00:17:57,828 --> 00:18:00,539 That's why I stick to anaI sex. 283 00:18:02,165 --> 00:18:04,126 If onIy I had been so Iucky. 284 00:18:07,171 --> 00:18:08,839 Okay, so that's the Abraham LincoIn. 285 00:18:08,964 --> 00:18:11,216 But remember, you have to shave it so it Iooks Iike his beard. 286 00:18:11,341 --> 00:18:13,135 Otherwise, it don't count. 287 00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:17,431 Now the Iast one. The Iast one is caIIed ''The Goat.'' 288 00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:20,767 Okay, it's a bit trickier. But if you can puII it off, 289 00:18:20,851 --> 00:18:23,729 you are a god among men, aII right? 290 00:18:23,854 --> 00:18:27,941 What you do is you take your nuts and your dick, right? 291 00:18:28,025 --> 00:18:29,985 And you tuck it underneath. 292 00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:33,989 PuII your pants down, show it, aII right? 293 00:18:34,072 --> 00:18:35,949 With it sticking out the backside. You got that? 294 00:18:36,033 --> 00:18:40,495 Okay, weII, that just about covers aII the different variations that we have. 295 00:18:40,621 --> 00:18:42,623 But you know, we're aIways Iooking for new positions. 296 00:18:42,706 --> 00:18:45,751 So next time you got a IittIe down time, you find yourseIf a IittIe bored, 297 00:18:45,876 --> 00:18:47,294 pIay with your nuts, you know what I'm saying? 298 00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:49,880 See what you come up with, okay? It's aII good. 299 00:18:50,005 --> 00:18:53,800 AII right. I reaIIy onIy have one thing I wanna taIk about today, 300 00:18:53,884 --> 00:18:57,596 and that's teamwork. 301 00:18:57,721 --> 00:18:59,348 When the dinner rush hits and things start to get hectic, 302 00:18:59,473 --> 00:19:02,518 you aII have a tendency to start yeIIing and screaming at one another. 303 00:19:02,601 --> 00:19:07,981 That's just dumb and senseIess, 'cause you're onIy gonna be hurting yourseIves. 304 00:19:08,065 --> 00:19:13,070 Let's think about it. If you upset the hostess, she's not gonna seat you. 305 00:19:13,195 --> 00:19:17,533 If you upset the busboys, they're not gonna care if your tabIe's ready. 306 00:19:17,616 --> 00:19:21,161 If you upset the cooks, they're not gonna care if your food's taking too Iong. 307 00:19:21,245 --> 00:19:23,455 - The brain! - Ah, shit! 308 00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:25,749 Oh, the brain! 309 00:19:25,874 --> 00:19:29,127 I think you're aII great waiters and waitresses. 310 00:19:29,253 --> 00:19:33,006 And you shouId be abIe to reIy on one another when you're in the weeds. 311 00:19:33,090 --> 00:19:38,887 Remember, gang. The difference between ordinary and extraordinary 312 00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,931 is that IittIe extra. 313 00:19:41,056 --> 00:19:43,892 AII right. That's aII I have for you today. 314 00:19:43,976 --> 00:19:46,645 Let's have a great shift. 315 00:19:46,770 --> 00:19:49,481 Oh, uh, push the fish. It's about to turn. 316 00:19:49,606 --> 00:19:51,775 That's it. 317 00:19:53,861 --> 00:19:57,823 - Dean, can I have a word with you? - Sure. 318 00:20:02,077 --> 00:20:03,954 - Have a seat, Dean. - Thanks, Dan. 319 00:20:08,792 --> 00:20:11,753 - How Iong you been a waiter? - Since I was 18, 320 00:20:11,837 --> 00:20:13,922 so about four years. 321 00:20:14,006 --> 00:20:17,426 Wow. You don't wanna be a waiter forever, do you? 322 00:20:17,509 --> 00:20:19,094 What do you mean? 323 00:20:19,178 --> 00:20:23,265 Carson got promoted to GM over at Riverside, 324 00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:26,059 so we need a new assistant manager. 325 00:20:26,143 --> 00:20:28,145 I'd Iike to offer the job to you. 326 00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:31,064 - Are you serious? - Heck, yeah, I'm serious. 327 00:20:31,148 --> 00:20:33,942 Now I'm not gonna Iie to you. The job comes with more responsibiIity, 328 00:20:34,026 --> 00:20:35,944 but it offers a Iot more rewards. 329 00:20:36,028 --> 00:20:38,530 You get fuII medicaI, dentaI, two-weeks' paid vacation, 330 00:20:38,655 --> 00:20:41,408 and I might add, a hefty pay increase. 331 00:20:41,491 --> 00:20:44,077 - I do pretty weII. - CooI. 332 00:20:44,161 --> 00:20:45,996 It is cooI. 333 00:20:46,121 --> 00:20:51,293 And, Iet's not forget the power. 334 00:20:51,376 --> 00:20:54,379 - Right. - ControI. 335 00:20:54,505 --> 00:20:58,550 You teII peopIe to do things, and they have to do it, 336 00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:00,677 or they get in troubIe. 337 00:21:00,802 --> 00:21:05,140 I mean, you're in the driver's seat here. Your finger's on the button. 338 00:21:05,224 --> 00:21:07,893 - Think about it. - Okay. 339 00:21:08,018 --> 00:21:10,979 WeII. 340 00:21:13,023 --> 00:21:15,526 - Are you okay? If you're not interested- - No, no, no. 341 00:21:15,651 --> 00:21:18,403 It's not that I'm not interested, I just- 342 00:21:18,529 --> 00:21:21,698 Sorry, Dan, just a Iot of things- Can I take a IittIe whiIe to think about it? 343 00:21:21,823 --> 00:21:23,492 Yeah. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. 344 00:21:23,575 --> 00:21:26,662 Take your time. Yeah, don't rush, you know. 345 00:21:26,745 --> 00:21:28,789 TaIk about it next week or something Iike that. 346 00:21:28,872 --> 00:21:30,916 - CooI. Thanks, Dan. - Let me ask you something. 347 00:21:31,041 --> 00:21:34,044 - What's that? - Why don't we hang out? 348 00:21:34,169 --> 00:21:37,923 - Oh. Like- - Why don't we hang out more often? 349 00:21:38,048 --> 00:21:39,591 - We do at work. - You and me. 350 00:21:39,716 --> 00:21:42,636 I was thinking to myseIf Iast night, Iaying in bed, going, 351 00:21:42,719 --> 00:21:46,390 ''Why don't Dean and I hang out? We're practicaIIy the same guy.'' 352 00:21:49,268 --> 00:21:52,521 I-I-I sort of have a core group of friends. You have your own friends and- 353 00:21:52,646 --> 00:21:54,982 You know what? You'd think I do. I don't. 354 00:21:55,065 --> 00:21:57,609 - Has anyone seen Dean? - Oh, he's in the back taIking to Dan. 355 00:21:57,734 --> 00:21:59,862 Yeah, you wanna know what they're taIking about? 356 00:21:59,987 --> 00:22:02,322 Dan wants to make Dean assistant fuckin' manager. 357 00:22:02,406 --> 00:22:05,284 - WeII, did he take the job? - I don't know. I couIdn't- 358 00:22:05,409 --> 00:22:07,661 He better fuckin' not have. 359 00:22:07,744 --> 00:22:09,204 Okay, whoa, whoa. HoId on. 360 00:22:09,288 --> 00:22:11,331 I gotta warn you. Take my car, what do you think's gonna happen? 361 00:22:11,415 --> 00:22:13,834 - Yeah, I don't reaIIy think- - Score. 362 00:22:13,917 --> 00:22:15,669 Okay. 363 00:22:15,752 --> 00:22:17,838 God. 364 00:22:17,921 --> 00:22:20,007 Hey, so what was that about? 365 00:22:20,090 --> 00:22:22,968 Nothing important. Just buIIshit. 366 00:22:24,595 --> 00:22:26,555 What? 367 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:31,226 Hey, there, foIks. My name's Dean. I'II be your waiter today. 368 00:22:31,310 --> 00:22:33,604 Can get you something to drink whiIe you're Iooking at the menus? 369 00:22:33,729 --> 00:22:38,567 Hi, there, guys. My name is Serena, and I'II be taking care of you today. 370 00:22:38,650 --> 00:22:42,279 Hey, there, Iadies. Hi, my name is Amy, and I'II be your waitress today. 371 00:22:42,404 --> 00:22:45,365 Is there anything I can get you to drink whiIe you're Iooking at the menus? 372 00:22:45,449 --> 00:22:49,453 Yeah, I want a singIe shot of whiskey and a doubIe-shot of whiskey, 373 00:22:49,578 --> 00:22:52,581 and she'II have a water. 374 00:22:52,706 --> 00:22:55,167 You know, what the heII? It's our anniversary. 375 00:22:55,292 --> 00:22:56,877 Why don't you bring her a Pepsi? 376 00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:58,837 You'II be taking care of us? 377 00:22:58,962 --> 00:23:00,881 I Iike the sound of that. 378 00:23:02,007 --> 00:23:03,884 I Iike that. 379 00:23:03,967 --> 00:23:05,677 Okay, I don't mean to be a bitch, 380 00:23:05,802 --> 00:23:09,223 but the Iast four times we've come here, the food was awfuI. 381 00:23:09,348 --> 00:23:14,520 WeII, I apoIogize for the food the Iast few times, 382 00:23:14,645 --> 00:23:17,481 and we wiII certainIy do our best to make sure that doesn't happen again. 383 00:23:17,606 --> 00:23:19,525 Yeah, that's what the Iast waitress said. 384 00:23:21,276 --> 00:23:25,531 - Can I get an extra side of bIue cheese? - Sir, yes, sir. 385 00:23:27,241 --> 00:23:30,369 Right. BIue cheese for you, stat. 386 00:23:30,494 --> 00:23:35,832 - Have a good day, big guy. - Thanks. 387 00:23:35,958 --> 00:23:40,128 Assistant Manager Jackoff. 388 00:23:40,212 --> 00:23:43,549 Come on, you worthIess dick. 389 00:23:43,674 --> 00:23:45,759 Just pee. 390 00:23:45,843 --> 00:23:47,135 Fuck. 391 00:23:48,387 --> 00:23:50,597 I'II try the other hand maybe. 392 00:23:53,225 --> 00:23:55,602 Goddamn it. 393 00:23:55,686 --> 00:23:57,938 I can't beIieve you wouId do that to me. 394 00:23:58,021 --> 00:24:01,900 No, that's it. Do not- Do not caII me back. 395 00:24:02,025 --> 00:24:04,945 Hey. Are you okay? 396 00:24:06,238 --> 00:24:08,949 I'm about this cIose to swearing off men aItogether. 397 00:24:09,032 --> 00:24:12,536 Let me get you another drink. 398 00:24:12,744 --> 00:24:14,746 AII right, see what Serena's doing right there? 399 00:24:14,872 --> 00:24:18,083 - She's baiting those poor saps. - I Iove Patrick Swayze. 400 00:24:18,208 --> 00:24:20,169 - Yeah? - Yeah, you kind of remind me of him. 401 00:24:20,252 --> 00:24:22,296 I guarantee you they're gonna Ieave her a fat tip. 402 00:24:22,462 --> 00:24:26,300 Women, they're so fuckin' wiIy. 403 00:24:27,676 --> 00:24:30,095 Oh, but poor, Amy. She's a different story. 404 00:24:30,220 --> 00:24:32,139 She was D.O.A. from the very beginning. 405 00:24:32,222 --> 00:24:36,518 And by extra Iemon we mean enough for our waters and then some more. 406 00:24:36,602 --> 00:24:38,604 Look at the scowI on that woman's face. 407 00:24:38,729 --> 00:24:40,147 - It's aII my fauIt. - That wouId be IoveIy. 408 00:24:40,230 --> 00:24:41,648 - Thank you. - Thank you so much. 409 00:24:41,732 --> 00:24:42,733 - Don't worry. - You are too kind. 410 00:24:42,858 --> 00:24:45,277 She'II be Iucky to get ten percent. 411 00:24:45,402 --> 00:24:47,321 I'm surprised you didn't give those guys a Iap dance. 412 00:24:47,404 --> 00:24:50,365 Oh, what's that, jeaIousy? 413 00:24:50,449 --> 00:24:54,203 - Women troubIes, Amy? - I just don't understand 414 00:24:54,328 --> 00:24:58,540 what wouId compeI a person to be such a bitch to a totaI stranger. 415 00:24:58,665 --> 00:25:03,045 - Maybe she was abused as a chiId. - Oh, God. I fucking hope so. 416 00:25:04,087 --> 00:25:05,881 Oh, man. You Iook reaIIy pissed. 417 00:25:06,006 --> 00:25:07,925 - You reaIIy are an asshoIe. - Shenaniganz. 418 00:25:08,050 --> 00:25:11,595 - Fuck you. - He has a shy bIadder. 419 00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:14,389 - So is there- - Mitch, go in the back, check out the cooks. 420 00:25:14,515 --> 00:25:17,184 I'II be there in a few minutes, okay? 421 00:25:19,394 --> 00:25:22,147 So, what do you think of Natasha? 422 00:25:22,272 --> 00:25:25,943 - I think she's iIIegaI. - Yeah. I've made peace with that. 423 00:25:26,068 --> 00:25:29,446 SeriousIy, Iook at her. You know she has that Scooby-Doo tongue. 424 00:25:29,571 --> 00:25:31,281 Statutory rape. 425 00:25:31,406 --> 00:25:33,242 On the other hand, maybe she is too young. 426 00:25:33,367 --> 00:25:35,202 Like that's ever stopped you before. 427 00:25:35,285 --> 00:25:37,913 That is a very, very good point. 428 00:25:37,996 --> 00:25:42,334 And I'm convinced Natasha wiII be mine. Thanks for the advice, buddy. 429 00:25:42,459 --> 00:25:44,670 - Hey, anytime. - Yeah. 430 00:25:44,795 --> 00:25:47,422 - What's going on with you and Amy? - What's up, Obsession? 431 00:25:47,506 --> 00:25:51,176 - Shut up. - So how Iong have you two been- 432 00:25:51,301 --> 00:25:54,179 - Three months. Shit or get off the pot time. - Yep. 433 00:25:54,304 --> 00:25:58,225 - Has even hinted that he's aware of it? - No, he's acting obIivious. 434 00:25:58,308 --> 00:26:01,520 Are you gonna taIk to her or hope you're never forced to make an actuaI decision? 435 00:26:01,645 --> 00:26:04,231 - I'm going with option ''B''. - That's my boy. 436 00:26:04,314 --> 00:26:07,484 - Have you taIked to him about it? - No. I'm pIaying hard to get. 437 00:26:07,609 --> 00:26:10,821 Oh, but haven't you sIept with him the past five nights? 438 00:26:10,946 --> 00:26:12,823 WeII, not reaI hard to get. 439 00:26:12,948 --> 00:26:16,076 She reaIIy is a IittIe badass though. And fun to hang out with. Laid back. 440 00:26:16,159 --> 00:26:17,995 Maintenance fees are reaIIy Iow. I Iike that. 441 00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:22,791 Yeah, she's a cooI chick. I'd do her. HeII, I'd probabIy even pay. 442 00:26:24,209 --> 00:26:25,878 I wouId. 443 00:26:26,003 --> 00:26:29,047 I don't know, man. I'm not even thinking about Amy right now. 444 00:26:29,173 --> 00:26:31,633 - Who are you thinking about? - Chet MiIIer. 445 00:26:31,717 --> 00:26:33,802 Come on, man! You're wracked with regret 446 00:26:33,886 --> 00:26:37,181 just because some oId fuck-boy cIassmate graduated coIIege? 447 00:26:39,474 --> 00:26:42,352 Are you gonna take the assistant manager job? 448 00:26:42,477 --> 00:26:43,937 Wait. How the heII do you know about that? 449 00:26:44,062 --> 00:26:46,398 Are you fucking kidding me? You know this pIace. 450 00:26:46,523 --> 00:26:48,442 PeopIe with the day off aIready know. 451 00:26:48,525 --> 00:26:53,113 HaIf of me is Iike take the job. I couId reaIIy use the money. It's a smart move. 452 00:26:53,197 --> 00:26:56,700 But the other haIfs Iike, ''Am I fucking nuts?'' 453 00:26:56,825 --> 00:26:59,870 Do I reaIIy wanna end up Iike Dan? 454 00:27:01,371 --> 00:27:04,208 Busted. 455 00:27:07,836 --> 00:27:11,798 Hey, Rocco? It's Dan down at Shenaniganz. 456 00:27:11,882 --> 00:27:13,884 Got another one for ya. 457 00:27:14,009 --> 00:27:16,512 AII right. 458 00:27:16,637 --> 00:27:18,222 Not on my watch. 459 00:27:18,347 --> 00:27:21,683 And there you go, foIks. 460 00:27:21,767 --> 00:27:24,061 Damn, boy. What the heII took so Iong? 461 00:27:24,186 --> 00:27:27,147 WeII, you had the two weII-done steaks, 462 00:27:27,272 --> 00:27:29,107 so it usuaIIy takes a IittIe whiIe to cook. 463 00:27:29,233 --> 00:27:31,527 Yeah, weII, couId you get me some more ketchup? 464 00:27:31,610 --> 00:27:34,571 Sure. No probIem. 465 00:27:36,573 --> 00:27:39,868 Nothin' sets off the fIavor of a steak Iike some ketchup. 466 00:27:39,952 --> 00:27:43,747 And his mouth tasted just Iike buttermiIk. 467 00:27:43,872 --> 00:27:46,375 Hey, Monty? CouId you drop off my food, pIease? 468 00:27:46,500 --> 00:27:48,836 I can't deaI with that bitch anymore. 469 00:27:50,921 --> 00:27:53,131 No probIem. 470 00:27:53,257 --> 00:27:54,967 It's go time, Mitch. 471 00:27:57,010 --> 00:28:01,265 Hey, there, Iadies. Amy's busy so I thought I'd bring your food out. 472 00:28:01,390 --> 00:28:03,475 But I stiII have some saIad Ieft. 473 00:28:03,642 --> 00:28:06,937 Oh, weII, wouId you Iike me to take the food back and bring it out in a few minutes? 474 00:28:07,062 --> 00:28:09,398 Yeah, and Iet it dry out under the heat Iamps? 475 00:28:09,523 --> 00:28:10,983 Just give me the food. 476 00:28:11,108 --> 00:28:13,735 Okay. There you go. 477 00:28:13,819 --> 00:28:19,449 Wait. Did that waitress Iisten to a word I said? 478 00:28:19,575 --> 00:28:21,451 This steak is medium rare. 479 00:28:21,577 --> 00:28:26,540 I asked for it medium. And I wanted extra gravy on my mashed potatoes. 480 00:28:26,665 --> 00:28:30,586 Let me ask you something. How hard is your job? 481 00:28:30,669 --> 00:28:34,882 How inteIIigent do you have to be to take a food order? 482 00:28:34,965 --> 00:28:36,216 - Jesus! - Ma'am. 483 00:28:36,300 --> 00:28:40,721 Ma'am, you're absoIuteIy right, and I apoIogize. 484 00:28:42,764 --> 00:28:44,975 I'm gonna get this fixed for you right away. 485 00:28:45,100 --> 00:28:48,020 Good. Now I can finish my saIad. 486 00:28:48,145 --> 00:28:49,855 Okay. 487 00:28:56,778 --> 00:29:01,825 GentIemen, we have our first officiaI bee-atch of the day. 488 00:29:01,950 --> 00:29:05,287 Oh, come on, guys. She wasn't that bad, was she? 489 00:29:05,370 --> 00:29:08,749 WeII, Amy, it's your tabIe. You decide. 490 00:29:13,837 --> 00:29:15,964 She was a fucking bitch! Do it. 491 00:29:17,799 --> 00:29:19,718 Yo, we need to get some fucking hydroponics 492 00:29:19,843 --> 00:29:21,720 so we can grow our own shit, yo. 493 00:29:21,845 --> 00:29:25,682 HeIIs, yes. Soon as we get the hydro, we can run this city Iike the fuckin' mob. 494 00:29:25,807 --> 00:29:29,269 I swear, we gotta grow it, smoke it, seII it. We'd be a fucking pimp. 495 00:29:29,394 --> 00:29:31,396 Yo, and you know the bitches be Iovin' that shit. 496 00:29:31,522 --> 00:29:34,274 We'II get more fuckin' puss than Busta, more than Dre, 497 00:29:34,358 --> 00:29:36,443 more than fuckin' Snoop Dogg. 498 00:29:36,527 --> 00:29:38,278 So it's on then? We're getting the fucking hydro. 499 00:29:38,362 --> 00:29:40,948 We're gonna run this city Iike the motherfucking mob. 500 00:29:41,031 --> 00:29:44,201 The first thing we do is add a IittIe extra gravy to the mashed potato. 501 00:29:50,207 --> 00:29:54,294 Ah, that's it. Good job, buddy. Nice one. 502 00:29:54,378 --> 00:29:57,881 FoIIowed by a thin spread of cheese for your garIic bread. 503 00:29:58,006 --> 00:30:00,884 - Some ''fromunda'' cheese. - Yeah, make us proud. 504 00:30:02,928 --> 00:30:05,138 Fresh from the taint. We Iike this. Good. 505 00:30:05,222 --> 00:30:09,059 - Up next, what we're gonna do- - How about a IittIe guacamoIe for the steak? 506 00:30:09,184 --> 00:30:12,980 Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing? 507 00:30:13,063 --> 00:30:16,608 Come on, man. You can't be mixing Mexican and ContinentaI. 508 00:30:16,733 --> 00:30:19,695 Come on, man. I thought you was better than that. 509 00:30:20,904 --> 00:30:24,199 AII right. How about a IittIe garIic saIt? 510 00:30:27,244 --> 00:30:30,122 That's what I'm taIking about. Finesse, baby! 511 00:30:30,247 --> 00:30:32,374 These guys have a deep commitment to their job. 512 00:30:32,457 --> 00:30:37,421 FinaIIy, a garnish of aIfaIfa sprouts. 513 00:30:37,504 --> 00:30:39,006 Adds a touch of cIa- 514 00:30:42,384 --> 00:30:46,930 Touch of cIass to any meaI. 515 00:30:48,140 --> 00:30:50,225 There we go. 516 00:30:50,309 --> 00:30:52,186 Oh, God. 517 00:30:52,269 --> 00:30:54,271 Good stuff. 518 00:31:02,821 --> 00:31:05,657 I'II puII out my motherfuckin' shotty. 519 00:31:05,782 --> 00:31:06,867 PuII up Iike John Gotti. 520 00:31:06,950 --> 00:31:10,621 I'II have the motherfucker on the carpet. I fucked that bitch! 521 00:31:10,746 --> 00:31:12,456 HeII, yeah, motherfucker. We be down- 522 00:31:12,581 --> 00:31:16,001 Okay, NichoIas, Theodore. Boys. 523 00:31:16,126 --> 00:31:18,086 It doesn't take ten minutes to take out the trash. 524 00:31:18,170 --> 00:31:21,131 Now, if you don't get your asses out front and start doing some work, 525 00:31:21,215 --> 00:31:24,510 I'm gonna fire you faster than you can say, ''Yo, MTV Raps.'' 526 00:31:24,635 --> 00:31:25,636 - Yes, sir. - I'm sorry? 527 00:31:25,761 --> 00:31:27,638 - Yes, sir. - Yes, sir. 528 00:31:33,185 --> 00:31:35,103 Hey, Rocco. 529 00:31:35,187 --> 00:31:37,731 Yeah, right there. 530 00:31:42,194 --> 00:31:44,154 Here you go, ma'am. 531 00:31:45,197 --> 00:31:48,575 I had the chefs take extra speciaI care of it for you. 532 00:31:48,659 --> 00:31:50,744 I'm truIy sorry for the inconvenience. 533 00:32:02,714 --> 00:32:06,218 You know, we shouId probabIy feeI guiIty, but she broke the cardinaI ruIe: 534 00:32:06,343 --> 00:32:10,180 Don't fuck with peopIe that handIe your food. 535 00:32:10,305 --> 00:32:12,891 AII right. How you guys doin'? Everything prepared okay? 536 00:32:13,016 --> 00:32:15,686 CouId be better. It'II do. 537 00:32:15,811 --> 00:32:19,022 I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do to make it better? 538 00:32:19,147 --> 00:32:21,733 Yeah, get me an extra roII. 539 00:32:21,859 --> 00:32:23,235 And bring me the check. 540 00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:24,945 Sure. 541 00:32:25,028 --> 00:32:27,072 No probIem. 542 00:32:27,197 --> 00:32:29,491 And I'm gonna sing that bitch a fucking 187. 543 00:32:29,575 --> 00:32:31,702 AII right then, CaIvin. 544 00:32:31,827 --> 00:32:34,288 Just reIax and start at the beginning. 545 00:32:34,371 --> 00:32:35,706 Okay. 546 00:32:36,999 --> 00:32:43,088 About three months ago I just finished my shift, and I reaIIy had to take a piss. 547 00:32:43,213 --> 00:32:47,593 So, I go into the bathroom. 548 00:32:47,718 --> 00:32:51,430 And I'm at the urinal, just waiting for the flow, 549 00:32:51,555 --> 00:32:53,432 minding my own business. 550 00:32:53,557 --> 00:32:57,477 When I notice out of my peripheral vision 551 00:32:57,603 --> 00:33:02,566 the guy standing next to me was looking straight at my dick. 552 00:33:02,691 --> 00:33:05,485 He's just staring at it like they're old pals. 553 00:33:05,569 --> 00:33:07,863 I could practically hear what he was thinking. 554 00:33:07,946 --> 00:33:11,950 ''Whoa. That's a nice dick. '' 555 00:33:13,118 --> 00:33:14,661 And that's it. 556 00:33:14,786 --> 00:33:17,623 Since that time, I haven't been abIe to use a pubIic bathroom. 557 00:33:17,748 --> 00:33:19,208 Goodness. 558 00:33:19,291 --> 00:33:21,418 And the next time I tried to take a Ieak, I couId've sworn 559 00:33:21,543 --> 00:33:24,505 the guy standing next to me was staring at me, and I freaked. 560 00:33:27,508 --> 00:33:30,344 Quit staring at my dick! 561 00:33:30,427 --> 00:33:33,639 In retrospect, I think I might've been mistaken. 562 00:33:33,764 --> 00:33:35,891 What about the staII? 563 00:33:36,016 --> 00:33:37,893 No, it didn't work either. 564 00:33:37,976 --> 00:33:43,398 Every time I go to take a piss, I get the image of that guy's eyes on my shank. 565 00:33:43,482 --> 00:33:46,944 And then that's when I start hearing the voices. 566 00:33:47,027 --> 00:33:48,445 Voices? 567 00:33:48,570 --> 00:33:51,657 I get this paranoid feeIing there are peopIe outside the staII, 568 00:33:51,782 --> 00:33:54,868 and they know I'm having a difficult time taking a piss. 569 00:33:54,952 --> 00:33:58,956 I can hear them saying, ''What's taking him so long? 570 00:33:59,081 --> 00:34:01,708 Why can't he just piss Iike a normaI person? 571 00:34:01,792 --> 00:34:04,294 I don't hear any peel'' 572 00:34:04,378 --> 00:34:06,505 I'm reaIIy fucked up. 573 00:34:07,464 --> 00:34:10,259 Psychosomatic auditory haIIucinations. 574 00:34:12,010 --> 00:34:14,012 Most peopIe have to pay for such a thing. 575 00:34:14,137 --> 00:34:15,556 So what the heII shouId I do? 576 00:34:15,639 --> 00:34:17,057 WeII, first, 577 00:34:18,058 --> 00:34:21,061 you need to think about how this probIem affects other parts of your personaIity. 578 00:34:21,144 --> 00:34:23,021 - Oh. - See, I recommend- 579 00:34:30,529 --> 00:34:31,989 Oh, bro, that ain't right, man. 580 00:34:32,114 --> 00:34:36,910 - Take a Iook at the bat wing, bitch! - Oh, it's so veiny. 581 00:34:39,079 --> 00:34:43,792 Damn, Raddimus. Does DanieIIe know that you Iike to go both ways? How does that work? 582 00:34:45,586 --> 00:34:47,087 Sweet victory. 583 00:34:49,381 --> 00:34:52,009 Good job, asshoIe. 584 00:34:55,137 --> 00:34:57,347 I'm sorry. Go ahead. 585 00:35:01,101 --> 00:35:04,646 HeIIo, sir. My name is Monty. This is my trainee, Mitch. 586 00:35:04,730 --> 00:35:08,942 - How are you doing today? - Oh, I'm sIipping graduaIIy into seniIity. 587 00:35:09,026 --> 00:35:13,238 ReaIIy? Do you consider that a good thing or a bad thing? 588 00:35:13,363 --> 00:35:15,157 WeII, it's a mixed bag. 589 00:35:15,282 --> 00:35:20,495 It's good in the sense that I can take waIks in my underwear. 590 00:35:20,621 --> 00:35:23,332 I can give smaII chiIdren the middIe finger. 591 00:35:23,457 --> 00:35:27,169 But as Iong as I Iook happy whiIe I'm doing it, 592 00:35:27,294 --> 00:35:29,963 peopIe just assume I'm seniIe. 593 00:35:30,047 --> 00:35:31,924 Yeah, so what's the bad? 594 00:35:32,049 --> 00:35:35,802 WeII, sometimes I give smaII chiIdren the middIe finger 595 00:35:35,886 --> 00:35:40,098 and don't reaIize I'm doing it untiI someone sIaps me. 596 00:35:40,265 --> 00:35:43,143 So I reaIIy am going seniIe. 597 00:35:43,227 --> 00:35:45,729 AIzheimer's can't be aII bad. 598 00:35:45,812 --> 00:35:47,940 You get a chance to meet new peopIe every day. 599 00:35:51,527 --> 00:35:54,988 - I Iike you, Monty. - I Iike you too, sir. 600 00:35:55,072 --> 00:35:57,658 I Iike you too, Monty. 601 00:35:57,741 --> 00:36:00,452 So what couId I get you to drink? 602 00:36:00,577 --> 00:36:02,120 I trust you. 603 00:36:03,330 --> 00:36:06,834 You know what? You can count on me, sir. 604 00:36:09,586 --> 00:36:11,547 I don't even care if he gives me a poor tip, 605 00:36:11,630 --> 00:36:14,216 that is the cooIest oId man I've met in my entire Iife. 606 00:36:14,341 --> 00:36:16,760 - How's your tabIe? - CoupIe of hicks. 607 00:36:16,885 --> 00:36:19,179 - Yikes. - Yeah, but the check totaI's $63, 608 00:36:19,263 --> 00:36:22,474 so even if they tip 15 percent I shouId make 10 bucks. 609 00:36:22,599 --> 00:36:26,603 You're a bastard. So far I've made 15 percent of jack shit. 610 00:36:29,439 --> 00:36:30,649 Jesus. 611 00:36:34,069 --> 00:36:37,239 There you go, buddy. It's aII you. 612 00:36:37,364 --> 00:36:41,785 Thanks a Iot. We'II see you next time. 613 00:36:51,461 --> 00:36:53,172 How much did they Ieave you? 614 00:36:53,297 --> 00:36:55,382 $1.91. 615 00:36:55,465 --> 00:36:59,219 No fucking way. 616 00:37:08,812 --> 00:37:12,691 Excuse me, sir. You forgot your change. 617 00:37:12,816 --> 00:37:15,903 No. That's for you. That's your tip. 618 00:37:15,986 --> 00:37:17,779 Oh, no, no, no. I insist. You take it. 619 00:37:17,863 --> 00:37:22,117 You obviousIy need this more than I do. 620 00:37:22,242 --> 00:37:26,705 I wanna speak to your manager now, pIease. This is horse shit. 621 00:37:26,830 --> 00:37:29,291 Okay, Mitch, you see what Dean did there? 622 00:37:29,374 --> 00:37:31,335 Don't ever do that. 623 00:37:31,418 --> 00:37:33,837 - What, did he stiff you? - He might as fucking weII have. 624 00:37:33,962 --> 00:37:36,215 Two bucks on a $63 check. 625 00:37:36,340 --> 00:37:38,217 Oh, damn. That is pretty shitty. 626 00:37:38,342 --> 00:37:43,764 For insuIting me I shouId get some free gift certificates and a key chain and a hat. 627 00:37:43,847 --> 00:37:45,265 AbsoIuteIy, sir. Yes. 628 00:37:45,349 --> 00:37:47,976 And how about a coupIe of sundaes with some nuts on 'em? 629 00:37:48,101 --> 00:37:50,979 Yeah, I wiII have Natasha take down aII your information, 630 00:37:51,063 --> 00:37:53,482 and I wiII make sure corporate sends those to you. 631 00:37:53,607 --> 00:37:55,943 You're gonna maiI me a sundae? I want it now. 632 00:37:56,026 --> 00:38:00,614 Get in here. You wanna expIain to me what the heck you were thinking? 633 00:38:00,697 --> 00:38:02,741 InsuIting a customer Iike that? 634 00:38:02,866 --> 00:38:05,369 You're right. I know. I know. He just- 635 00:38:05,494 --> 00:38:09,122 I'm having a reaIIy bad day, Dan, and that guy caught me at the worst possibIe moment. 636 00:38:09,206 --> 00:38:11,875 - I'm sorry. I Iost it. - You're sorry? 637 00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:14,670 I don't understand. I've never gotten a compIaint on you. 638 00:38:14,753 --> 00:38:17,673 And you had to pick the day I offer you a promotion? 639 00:38:17,756 --> 00:38:19,633 I promise you it won't happen again, okay? 640 00:38:19,716 --> 00:38:24,012 Opportunity is knocking at the door. If you don't wanna answer it, fine. 641 00:38:24,096 --> 00:38:25,931 There are peopIe who wouId jump at the chance. 642 00:38:26,056 --> 00:38:27,933 CaIvin is chomping at the bit for this job. 643 00:38:28,058 --> 00:38:32,521 I am offering you an opportunity to take it to the next IeveI, earn more money. 644 00:38:36,316 --> 00:38:39,236 I want an answer by the end of your shift...tonight! 645 00:38:39,361 --> 00:38:41,989 And Dean, this is an expIoding offer. 646 00:38:42,072 --> 00:38:46,034 I don't work within the exact boundaries of the Iaw, 647 00:38:46,118 --> 00:38:48,912 because I wasn't consuIted when the goddamn Iaws were made. 648 00:38:49,037 --> 00:38:53,000 No, instead, nameIess, faceIess poIiticians, 649 00:38:53,083 --> 00:38:57,880 the so-caIIed protectors of the moraI majority decide what is right and what is wrong. 650 00:38:58,005 --> 00:38:59,965 I mean, come on! 651 00:39:00,090 --> 00:39:03,927 I govern my Iife around my own personaI code of ethics, and I suggest you do the same. 652 00:39:04,052 --> 00:39:07,639 That way if, within the constructs of my own moraIity 653 00:39:07,764 --> 00:39:11,476 I were to do something that was considered iIIegaI, so be it. 654 00:39:11,602 --> 00:39:13,395 I feeI no guiIt whatsoever. 655 00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:17,691 And furthermore, if I were to buckIe under the sociaI weight of the system 656 00:39:17,774 --> 00:39:19,902 by adhering to Iaws that I do not truIy beIieve in, 657 00:39:19,985 --> 00:39:24,531 then I wouId be extinguishing the very fire of patriotism and individuaIity. 658 00:39:24,615 --> 00:39:26,450 It's- It's so- 659 00:39:28,410 --> 00:39:29,828 In a sense, 660 00:39:31,288 --> 00:39:33,290 by having sex with Natasha, 661 00:39:33,415 --> 00:39:38,504 I'd be preserving the rights our forefathers fought and died for, right? 662 00:39:39,630 --> 00:39:43,050 - WeII, I guess- - Bro, it was a rhetoricaI question. 663 00:39:43,175 --> 00:39:44,801 Okay? So- 664 00:39:47,930 --> 00:39:52,559 Oh, hey, Dean. I heard Dan yeIIing at you. It was kind of crazy. 665 00:39:52,643 --> 00:39:54,853 You think you're stiII in the running for the assistant manager? 666 00:39:54,978 --> 00:39:58,690 Did you ever just wake up and reaIize, ''HoIy shit. I'm a fucking Ioser.'' 667 00:39:58,815 --> 00:40:00,901 Yeah, man. 668 00:40:00,984 --> 00:40:04,112 God, I just wanna be abIe to say, ''I wanna be a teacher,'' you know, 669 00:40:04,238 --> 00:40:07,699 or a podiatrist or a fucking eIectricaI engineer. 670 00:40:07,824 --> 00:40:09,952 Anything! Just have a fucking cIue! 671 00:40:10,077 --> 00:40:11,954 Hey, who has a cIue, right? 672 00:40:12,037 --> 00:40:16,333 Hey, I don't. HeIIo? I don't know what's going on. 673 00:40:16,458 --> 00:40:18,126 Hey, couId you put down the ice pick? 674 00:40:18,252 --> 00:40:22,256 - Sorry you had to hear that guy yeII. - Oh, it's okay. 675 00:40:22,339 --> 00:40:24,341 You shouIdn't have to be subjected to that. 676 00:40:24,424 --> 00:40:26,635 You're way too sweet. 677 00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:30,264 - Way too cute, too. - Stop it. You're gonna make me bIush. 678 00:40:31,515 --> 00:40:34,017 Bet you drive the boys wiId at your schooI. 679 00:40:34,142 --> 00:40:36,854 Maybe. I don't reaIIy Iike the boys at my schooI. 680 00:40:36,979 --> 00:40:39,398 No? Why? 681 00:40:39,523 --> 00:40:41,567 I prefer oIder men. 682 00:40:41,692 --> 00:40:43,694 ReaIIy? Wow. 683 00:40:43,819 --> 00:40:45,988 I Iike a man in power. 684 00:40:46,071 --> 00:40:50,242 Yeah, weII, being a manager, obviousIy, I know what you mean. 685 00:40:50,367 --> 00:40:53,829 It takes a Iot of power to command the respect of everybody at the restaurant. 686 00:40:53,954 --> 00:40:55,998 - That's true. - Yeah. 687 00:40:56,123 --> 00:41:01,628 We shouId go to dinner sometime and taIk about it. 688 00:41:01,712 --> 00:41:04,506 I'II bring my manager card, and we'II just eat for free. 689 00:41:04,631 --> 00:41:09,469 As they say, membership has its priviIeges. 690 00:41:09,720 --> 00:41:11,930 What's up with you? What are you stiII doing here? 691 00:41:12,055 --> 00:41:14,641 Christy asked me to work for her, so I'm working a doubIe. 692 00:41:14,725 --> 00:41:17,728 Time-out. Isn't this your onIy night off this week? 693 00:41:17,853 --> 00:41:18,812 Yeah. 694 00:41:18,937 --> 00:41:23,150 And you're using it to work a doubIe-shift for Christy? 695 00:41:23,233 --> 00:41:26,153 Wait. You actuaIIy have to get the pussy before you can be whipped by it. 696 00:41:26,236 --> 00:41:27,905 - That's right. - You guys suck. 697 00:41:28,030 --> 00:41:31,617 - Yes, we do. - Wait. Didn't you take out Christy Iast night? 698 00:41:31,742 --> 00:41:33,994 - Yeah, we went out Iast night. - Come on, man! DetaiIs! 699 00:41:34,077 --> 00:41:37,789 Fuck the detaiIs. I wanna know. Did you do it? Did you make a move? 700 00:41:37,915 --> 00:41:40,250 - What do you mean? - Don't give me that shit. You know. 701 00:41:40,375 --> 00:41:42,836 - Did you kiss her? Rub against her skin? - CuddIe with her? Rub her Ieg? 702 00:41:42,961 --> 00:41:45,881 - HoId her hand? - NippIe tweak? Anything? 703 00:41:45,964 --> 00:41:47,966 - No, I'm stiII- - Oh, my God! 704 00:41:48,091 --> 00:41:49,009 I need more time. 705 00:41:49,092 --> 00:41:51,887 - Forget it. It's over. You're fucked. - Not IiteraIIy. 706 00:41:52,012 --> 00:41:55,557 - Why? Because you won't puII the trigger. - And you're too fucking nice! 707 00:41:55,682 --> 00:41:57,309 Why do you aIways say that? I'm not- 708 00:41:57,434 --> 00:41:59,686 - What happens with every girI you Iike? - Nothing! 709 00:41:59,770 --> 00:42:02,856 You take 'em out, you pay for everything, and you never make a move! 710 00:42:02,940 --> 00:42:06,902 Then you home, aIone, to masturbate whiIe you cry, using your own tears- 711 00:42:06,985 --> 00:42:11,740 That was once, and I was drunk and it was VaIentine's day. So back off. 712 00:42:11,823 --> 00:42:15,702 Don't try to candy coat it. AII we ever do is hang out and have sex. 713 00:42:15,786 --> 00:42:20,415 What are you taIking about? Didn't I take you to the movies Iast week, huh? Huh? 714 00:42:20,499 --> 00:42:23,168 Yeah, but you kept trying to get me to jerk you off. 715 00:42:25,796 --> 00:42:27,881 What do you want? It was a duII movie. 716 00:42:27,965 --> 00:42:32,719 Yeah, but I just get the feeIing that you don't care. 717 00:42:33,762 --> 00:42:36,181 I don't care? I don't care? 718 00:42:37,224 --> 00:42:41,436 When my uncIe died, didn't I ask you to be by my side at the funeraI? 719 00:42:41,562 --> 00:42:45,399 Yeah, but you kept trying to get me to jerk you off. 720 00:42:48,318 --> 00:42:50,654 How many times can we have the same exact conversation? 721 00:42:50,779 --> 00:42:52,948 It's Iike we're stuck in a time paradox 722 00:42:53,073 --> 00:42:55,534 where neither our wisdom nor your virginity wiII ever escape. 723 00:42:55,659 --> 00:42:58,620 I attempt to make a move. 724 00:42:58,704 --> 00:43:02,124 I get in cIose. I'm there and I just get- 725 00:43:02,207 --> 00:43:03,333 Fuck! 726 00:43:03,458 --> 00:43:07,045 - You need therapy. - Hush, now. 727 00:43:07,171 --> 00:43:09,965 The way I see it, with chicks, 728 00:43:10,090 --> 00:43:12,801 there's reaIIy onIy two possibIe things that couId happen. 729 00:43:12,926 --> 00:43:16,972 Either they won't sIeep with you, and then there's no need to caII them again, 730 00:43:17,097 --> 00:43:21,143 or they do sIeep with you, and then there's no need to caII them again. 731 00:43:21,268 --> 00:43:25,272 This is what I don't get. How can someone be such a compIete asshoIe aII the time 732 00:43:25,397 --> 00:43:27,316 and get as many women as you do? 733 00:43:27,399 --> 00:43:29,818 That's a good question. 734 00:43:31,028 --> 00:43:34,072 - Amy! Serena! CaIvin needs our heIp. - No. 735 00:43:34,198 --> 00:43:36,325 - No, I don't need heIp. - Shh, shh. 736 00:43:36,408 --> 00:43:38,327 Women Iike asshoIes, am I right? 737 00:43:38,410 --> 00:43:41,413 - WeII, I agree that you're an asshoIe. - Okay. 738 00:43:41,538 --> 00:43:45,667 ''A'', fuck you. ''B'', just answer the question. 739 00:43:45,792 --> 00:43:49,671 WeII, okay. GirIs Iike asshoIes, not women. 740 00:43:49,755 --> 00:43:52,799 What women are attracted to is seIf-confidence. 741 00:43:52,883 --> 00:43:55,761 Yes, and we absoIuteIy fucking hate insecurity. 742 00:43:55,886 --> 00:43:58,138 Yes! The more insecure you are the more you ask, ''Is something wrong?'' 743 00:43:58,222 --> 00:44:00,057 - ''Is everything okay?'' - ''What are you thinking about?'' 744 00:44:00,182 --> 00:44:02,559 ''What's wrong?'' And the more you do that, CaIvin, 745 00:44:02,684 --> 00:44:05,145 the more it becomes this seIf-fuIfiIIing prophecy. 746 00:44:05,270 --> 00:44:08,941 You just need to reIax and not worry so much. Okay? 747 00:44:12,194 --> 00:44:15,030 Yeah. That makes a Iot of sense. 748 00:44:15,113 --> 00:44:18,367 - I'm gonna work on it. - Yeah. Yeah, you do that. 749 00:44:18,450 --> 00:44:22,829 And by the way, take whatever advice that she gives you with a big grain of saIt. 750 00:44:22,913 --> 00:44:25,624 Yeah, and take anything that he gives you with a shot of peniciIIin. 751 00:44:25,749 --> 00:44:28,919 SeriousIy, CaIvin, do yourseIf a favor. 752 00:44:29,044 --> 00:44:31,672 UnIess you're combing the pIayground for middIe schooIers, 753 00:44:31,755 --> 00:44:34,925 don't become an asshoIe Iike Monty. 754 00:44:35,050 --> 00:44:38,762 Correct me if I'm wrong, but haven't I been inside you? 755 00:44:47,145 --> 00:44:49,106 - Oh, Monty. - Oh, me. 756 00:44:49,189 --> 00:44:52,985 You wanna brag about your sexuaI conquests, you big stud, you? 757 00:44:53,110 --> 00:44:55,821 Okay, you know what? Fine. Let's taIk about it. 758 00:44:55,946 --> 00:44:59,616 Let me describe Monty's amazing sexuaI prowess. 759 00:44:59,741 --> 00:45:03,829 He'd barreI into me with that pathetic excuse for a chiId's penis. 760 00:45:03,954 --> 00:45:08,000 And it wouId end so quickIy, so abruptIy, 761 00:45:08,125 --> 00:45:10,586 I wouIdn't even have time to feeI any sort of 762 00:45:10,669 --> 00:45:14,298 morbid, accidentaI amusement towards his ''technique,'' 763 00:45:14,423 --> 00:45:16,633 which was basicaIIy him seizuring on top of me 764 00:45:16,758 --> 00:45:19,094 for, oh, about 45 seconds, 765 00:45:19,219 --> 00:45:22,848 whiIe I Iaid there trying not to Iaugh...or cry. 766 00:45:22,973 --> 00:45:24,016 Ouch. 767 00:45:24,141 --> 00:45:27,269 Is it any wonder why you stiII date girIs in high schooI? 768 00:45:27,394 --> 00:45:29,897 They're the onIy ones Ieft. They don't know any better. 769 00:45:29,980 --> 00:45:32,232 Okay, okay. AII right. 770 00:45:32,316 --> 00:45:34,568 First of aII, for the record, 771 00:45:34,651 --> 00:45:37,779 I aIways had an orgasm when we had sex. 772 00:45:37,863 --> 00:45:40,532 SecondIy, everybody knows that I'm oraIIy fixated. 773 00:45:40,657 --> 00:45:43,285 You can't deny that I pIayed your vagina Iike a vioIin. 774 00:45:43,368 --> 00:45:48,123 Oh! As if that somehow negates the fact that once we got past forepIay, 775 00:45:48,207 --> 00:45:50,792 you turned into the IittIe engine that couIdn't hoId his Ioad. 776 00:45:50,918 --> 00:45:53,045 Oh, what the fuck ever! 777 00:45:53,170 --> 00:45:56,256 If I was that bad, then why were you at my house every night? 778 00:45:56,340 --> 00:45:59,134 AII I had to do was caII and say, ''Hey. I'm horny.'' 779 00:45:59,259 --> 00:46:01,220 And then fucking poof! 780 00:46:01,345 --> 00:46:04,932 As if by some form of sIut magic you'd appear. Now why is that? 781 00:46:05,015 --> 00:46:08,060 Because at first, I reaIIy Iiked spending time with you. 782 00:46:08,185 --> 00:46:10,729 I thought you were a genuineIy interesting guy to be around. 783 00:46:10,854 --> 00:46:11,813 Very true. 784 00:46:11,897 --> 00:46:15,192 But eventuaIIy, it aII wore thin. I reaIized that your personaIity 785 00:46:15,317 --> 00:46:17,861 was just one short punctuated joke after another, 786 00:46:17,986 --> 00:46:20,030 much Iike our sex Iife. 787 00:46:20,155 --> 00:46:23,992 And, oh, Monty, do you remember why we stopped dating? 788 00:46:24,076 --> 00:46:27,329 Yeah, I do. Because you were oId news. 789 00:46:27,412 --> 00:46:31,416 I was Iooking at other girIs and getting bored. BasicaIIy, that was why. 790 00:46:31,542 --> 00:46:33,627 Yeah, yeah. AII that. 791 00:46:33,710 --> 00:46:35,212 And the fact that I dumped you. 792 00:46:35,337 --> 00:46:37,881 - Wait, I thought you said you dumped- - Shut up, CaIvin. 793 00:46:38,006 --> 00:46:40,717 I was just trying to Iet you down easy, but this is buIIshit. 794 00:46:40,884 --> 00:46:44,179 We both know that you enjoyed having sex with me. 795 00:46:44,304 --> 00:46:47,140 The onIy reaI pIeasure I ever got from having sex with you 796 00:46:47,224 --> 00:46:49,017 came from making fun of it Iater with my friends. 797 00:46:49,101 --> 00:46:52,145 - TeII him, Amy. - It's true. We Iaughed a Iot at your expense. 798 00:46:52,271 --> 00:46:56,608 So you know when you're waIking past a group of peopIe, you hear them Iaughing, 799 00:46:56,733 --> 00:46:59,862 you sometimes get that paranoid seIf-conscious feeIing? 800 00:46:59,945 --> 00:47:02,906 Maybe they're Iaughing about you when they're reaIIy not? 801 00:47:03,031 --> 00:47:06,243 WeII, in your case, they reaIIy are. 802 00:47:22,009 --> 00:47:24,887 God, I Iove her. 803 00:47:26,555 --> 00:47:28,098 Oh, hello there. 804 00:47:28,223 --> 00:47:31,101 Thank you for joining our family at Shenaniganz bar and grill. 805 00:47:31,226 --> 00:47:33,979 It is our goal to maintain the absolute highest standard in all aspects- 806 00:47:34,104 --> 00:47:37,441 Hey, man. We aII had to watch it. 807 00:47:37,566 --> 00:47:41,111 I'm gonna come back and get you after the dinner rush. The tape shouId be done then. 808 00:47:41,236 --> 00:47:42,237 CooI? 809 00:47:44,156 --> 00:47:45,908 WeII, I mean, I guess. I- 810 00:47:46,033 --> 00:47:47,743 ...of our most sacred company policies 811 00:47:47,868 --> 00:47:50,329 to ensure that you have all the skills necessary 812 00:47:50,454 --> 00:47:53,874 - to uphold our standard of excellence. - Shit. 813 00:47:53,999 --> 00:47:57,794 Are you ready? Well, okay. Follow me. 814 00:47:57,920 --> 00:48:00,172 AII right, men. This is it. 815 00:48:00,297 --> 00:48:04,426 The time has come. Remember, product pride. Portion consciousness. 816 00:48:04,510 --> 00:48:06,970 Zero hour is upon us. 817 00:48:07,095 --> 00:48:09,640 Let us seize the day! 818 00:48:09,765 --> 00:48:12,059 Yeah, yeah! Carpe deez nuts. 819 00:48:12,142 --> 00:48:14,228 God, I can't wait to quit this job! 820 00:48:26,042 --> 00:48:27,877 Okay, your waiter wiII be right with you. 821 00:48:27,961 --> 00:48:29,504 Hi there, foIks. What can I get you to drink? 822 00:48:29,629 --> 00:48:31,381 WouId you Iike to start with an appetizer? 823 00:48:31,464 --> 00:48:33,883 WouId you Iike a baked potato, french fries or rice piIaf? 824 00:48:33,967 --> 00:48:36,427 - Order up! - Is everything prepared okay? 825 00:48:36,552 --> 00:48:38,972 - How about some dessert? - And here you go, foIks. 826 00:48:39,097 --> 00:48:41,808 I hope you enjoyed everything. I know I did. 827 00:48:51,526 --> 00:48:54,862 - Fuck! - The five-second ruIe! The five-second ruIe! 828 00:48:54,946 --> 00:48:56,823 One, two, three, 829 00:48:56,948 --> 00:48:59,617 four, five. 830 00:49:01,452 --> 00:49:05,415 A IittIe fIoor spice makes everything nice. There you go. 831 00:49:06,457 --> 00:49:09,544 Damn, man. We aImost had to switch to the ten-second ruIe. 832 00:49:12,130 --> 00:49:14,590 You green snot-beard faggot! 833 00:49:21,806 --> 00:49:22,974 Fuck you! 834 00:49:23,099 --> 00:49:26,603 - Oh, no. - Hang on. I onIy have a smaII order. 835 00:49:26,728 --> 00:49:29,439 - I have to put in an appetizer. Goddamn it. - ChiII the fuck out! 836 00:49:29,522 --> 00:49:31,482 WeII, hurry up. 837 00:49:33,818 --> 00:49:35,862 Okay, hey, gang. Listen up. 838 00:49:35,987 --> 00:49:37,614 Let's get out there, take care of our guests. 839 00:49:37,697 --> 00:49:40,116 I know it's getting crazy, but we can do it. We can do it. 840 00:49:40,199 --> 00:49:42,994 Let's put that extra- just that IittIe extra- back in extraordinary. 841 00:49:43,119 --> 00:49:46,122 Okay. There's no ''me'' in ''team.'' 842 00:49:47,165 --> 00:49:48,124 Yeah. 843 00:49:49,292 --> 00:49:51,127 Hey, guys. Which one of these is medium rare? 844 00:49:55,965 --> 00:49:57,884 Shoot. Let's just- 845 00:49:59,969 --> 00:50:02,722 Goddamn it! 846 00:50:02,847 --> 00:50:05,850 PIease. 847 00:50:05,975 --> 00:50:09,437 Let me do it. 848 00:50:09,520 --> 00:50:11,356 AII right, you two, Iet's go. 849 00:50:11,481 --> 00:50:14,817 Hurry up, or your asses are fired! 850 00:50:17,111 --> 00:50:20,573 So remember, find the solution before there's a problem. 851 00:50:20,698 --> 00:50:24,202 Now let's go take a look at our problem back in the kitchen. 852 00:50:25,703 --> 00:50:27,705 Come on, guys. This is buII crap. 853 00:50:27,830 --> 00:50:30,375 Where the heII's my chicken sandwich? 854 00:50:32,168 --> 00:50:34,003 Fuck you, bitch! 855 00:50:34,087 --> 00:50:35,797 What the heII did I do to you, FIoyd? 856 00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:39,342 Eat at Shenaniganz enjoy your food 857 00:50:39,467 --> 00:50:43,388 Eat at Shenaniganz Calvin works here 858 00:50:43,513 --> 00:50:45,098 Okay, that's hardIy sanitary. 859 00:50:45,223 --> 00:50:48,601 Hey, Dan. I have a tabIe that needs to- 860 00:51:14,544 --> 00:51:19,173 Trying to get a feeI for the whoIe manager thing. You caught me. 861 00:51:19,257 --> 00:51:22,719 Do you think you couId get a feeI for it outside? I need some fresh air. 862 00:51:25,346 --> 00:51:28,016 Hey, hey, Christy. It's CaIvin again. I- 863 00:51:29,809 --> 00:51:33,062 Just caIIing again. Just checking in or whatever. 864 00:51:33,187 --> 00:51:36,190 CaIIed before a few times. Maybe you didn't- 865 00:51:36,316 --> 00:51:37,734 I got aII my bars. 866 00:51:37,817 --> 00:51:39,986 So anyway, it's getting kind of busy. 867 00:51:40,111 --> 00:51:42,780 But I'm never too busy to caII you. 868 00:51:42,905 --> 00:51:47,368 So caII me back. You know the number. Okay. Bye. 869 00:51:47,493 --> 00:51:48,786 Fuck. 870 00:51:50,330 --> 00:51:53,833 So is everything okay? Is something wrong? 871 00:51:55,918 --> 00:51:57,337 Are you mad? 872 00:52:01,424 --> 00:52:03,051 Yeah? 873 00:52:03,134 --> 00:52:07,221 Somethin' bad happens when you become a manager. 874 00:52:07,305 --> 00:52:11,476 You put on your fuckin' tie, and you get your fuckin' IittIe manager card, 875 00:52:11,601 --> 00:52:13,978 and you're think you're so fuckin' cooI because you write the scheduIe 876 00:52:14,103 --> 00:52:15,772 and teII us what to do. 877 00:52:15,855 --> 00:52:18,858 When in reaIity, you know you're not even worth a bit of buIIshit! 878 00:52:18,983 --> 00:52:20,902 Whoa, Naomi! 879 00:52:20,985 --> 00:52:23,029 ReIax. 880 00:52:23,154 --> 00:52:26,449 ReIax, woman. 881 00:52:26,574 --> 00:52:31,329 I guess if you become manager, you won't be abIe to date any of the waitresses. 882 00:52:31,621 --> 00:52:34,999 While working here, you'll probably find some of your fellow employees attractive. 883 00:52:35,124 --> 00:52:39,170 It's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. 884 00:52:39,295 --> 00:52:41,965 But it's important not to act on those urges. 885 00:52:42,090 --> 00:52:45,468 For Shenaniganz to run like an efficient, well-oiled machine, 886 00:52:45,593 --> 00:52:49,013 it's a must that everyone act as a team. 887 00:52:49,138 --> 00:52:52,892 And when employees date each other, unfortunately, it complicates things. 888 00:52:53,017 --> 00:52:54,310 So for that reason 889 00:52:54,435 --> 00:52:58,189 we strongly discourage such relationships from forming. 890 00:52:58,314 --> 00:53:01,317 - Dean, Amy, I just sat you. - Oh, shit. What do we got? 891 00:53:01,442 --> 00:53:04,529 WeII, yours are cooI. They Iook Iike business peopIe. 892 00:53:04,654 --> 00:53:06,614 - AII right. - What about mine? 893 00:53:06,739 --> 00:53:08,950 I don't know. They don't speak EngIish. 894 00:53:09,033 --> 00:53:10,618 - Foreigners! - I'm sorry. 895 00:53:10,702 --> 00:53:15,415 - Are you mad at me? - No, I swear. I'm just going by the rotation. 896 00:53:15,540 --> 00:53:20,837 I fuckin' hate foreigners! It's such buIIshit! 897 00:53:20,920 --> 00:53:22,588 Like they don't know how to tip? Oh, they know. 898 00:53:22,714 --> 00:53:24,674 Aw, yeah, they fuckin' know. 899 00:53:24,799 --> 00:53:29,053 AII right. It's time to show the goat. 900 00:53:34,100 --> 00:53:36,728 You could cut through shoes if you had to. 901 00:53:36,853 --> 00:53:40,356 - I mean- - What are you doing, man? 902 00:53:40,481 --> 00:53:42,567 FrontIine stuff. Watch this. Watch this. 903 00:53:42,692 --> 00:53:45,361 We have just been cutting things 90 to nothing. 904 00:53:45,445 --> 00:53:48,072 And the cooks, they just love it because every time- 905 00:53:50,825 --> 00:53:54,704 Hey, there, foIks. My name is Amy, and I'II be taking care of you. 906 00:53:59,626 --> 00:54:02,879 - Sir, what can I get for you? - I'd Iike a New York strip, mid rare, 907 00:54:03,004 --> 00:54:05,882 and a baked potato with sour cream and chives onIy. 908 00:54:05,965 --> 00:54:08,926 And- Hey. You're not writing any of this down. 909 00:54:09,052 --> 00:54:12,722 Oh. SteeI-trap. 910 00:54:12,805 --> 00:54:14,724 You got the baby back ribs with fries, 911 00:54:14,849 --> 00:54:18,144 you got the Mandingo chicken with rice and a saIad with a side of bIue cheese. 912 00:54:18,269 --> 00:54:20,730 I respect the Iactose intoIerance. 913 00:54:20,813 --> 00:54:22,982 Okay. Okay, you're good. 914 00:54:28,780 --> 00:54:33,326 HaIey is so fuckin' fine, you know I be aII up in that shit. Give her the bowIing baII grip. 915 00:54:33,451 --> 00:54:36,913 Two in the pink, one in the stink. 916 00:54:41,376 --> 00:54:44,545 You guys are so one-dimensionaI. 917 00:54:46,714 --> 00:54:48,508 WeII, fuck you, whitey. 918 00:54:49,801 --> 00:54:53,596 I just sat you. You're gonna Iove them. 919 00:55:02,981 --> 00:55:06,234 Hey, there, Iadies. My name is Monty. 920 00:55:18,496 --> 00:55:21,457 Hey, FIoyd, make sure there's no bacon on that chef saIad. It's against her reIigion. 921 00:55:21,582 --> 00:55:24,168 - AII right? - Yes, master. Right away, master. 922 00:55:24,294 --> 00:55:26,462 Ain't gonna be no bacon on the saIad, master. 923 00:55:26,587 --> 00:55:31,009 No bacon. Oh, no, no. Oh, no, no. PIease. Oh. 924 00:55:31,134 --> 00:55:33,553 Oh, no. 925 00:55:33,636 --> 00:55:35,972 No bacon on the salad 926 00:55:43,521 --> 00:55:48,401 So, is there anything eIse I can get you foIks this evening? 927 00:55:48,526 --> 00:55:51,863 I think I'd Iike a hot fudge sundae. 928 00:55:55,742 --> 00:55:59,162 That does sound good. I'II be right back with that for you. 929 00:56:01,456 --> 00:56:05,293 Like that bitch needs to be eating dessert anyway. 930 00:56:08,004 --> 00:56:11,966 You know, if you ever want counseIing in anger management or... 931 00:56:13,635 --> 00:56:18,640 aIcohoIism, I'd be more than gIad to do it for you. 932 00:56:21,142 --> 00:56:23,227 You'd do that for me? 933 00:56:26,898 --> 00:56:30,360 Thank you. I appreciate that. 934 00:56:30,443 --> 00:56:34,364 But I think I'd rather you just wash the fucking dishes 935 00:56:34,489 --> 00:56:36,991 and shut the fuck up! 936 00:56:37,075 --> 00:56:41,704 Fucking psychobabbIe-buIIshit asshoIe! 937 00:56:43,081 --> 00:56:46,417 Fuckin' bitch. Son of a bitch, cocksucker. 938 00:56:46,542 --> 00:56:49,545 Fuckin', I hate her. I hate her! 939 00:57:03,977 --> 00:57:06,479 Fuckin' Nick and T-dog! 940 00:57:19,242 --> 00:57:23,913 That is why we are always on guard for guests. You never know when- 941 00:57:24,038 --> 00:57:28,126 - Shit. - So you have to make sure they- 942 00:57:29,168 --> 00:57:31,796 Fuck! Man, no! 943 00:57:32,005 --> 00:57:35,216 If we're gonna beat Iast year's numbers, I need you to be more hands-on. 944 00:57:35,300 --> 00:57:38,177 I need you to be sure things don't faII through the cracks. 945 00:57:38,303 --> 00:57:40,930 BasicaIIy, I need you to be more Iike Dean here. 946 00:57:41,014 --> 00:57:44,559 I question whether you can see that by me serving food, 947 00:57:44,684 --> 00:57:47,186 but thank you anyway. 948 00:57:47,312 --> 00:57:50,273 - How is everything, guys? - Everything's perfect. 949 00:57:50,398 --> 00:57:51,691 You're a master of your craft. 950 00:57:51,774 --> 00:57:53,901 Thanks. 951 00:57:53,985 --> 00:57:56,779 You keep this up, I may just try to Iure you away from this pIace. 952 00:57:58,323 --> 00:58:00,366 AII right. WeII, thank you, sir. 953 00:58:00,491 --> 00:58:03,620 Let me know if you need anything, guys. 954 00:58:03,703 --> 00:58:07,957 You're probably wondering what makes Shenaniganz such a great restaurant. 955 00:58:08,082 --> 00:58:10,835 So I thought I'd share with you a few key examples 956 00:58:10,960 --> 00:58:13,254 of why we've had so much success. 957 00:58:14,047 --> 00:58:17,342 First of all, our entr�es are always cooked 958 00:58:17,467 --> 00:58:19,927 exquisitely to perfection. 959 00:58:20,011 --> 00:58:23,222 Our deserts were designed by gourmet chefs. 960 00:58:23,348 --> 00:58:26,476 We always treat our guests with respect and dignity. 961 00:58:26,601 --> 00:58:28,186 Did you see the tits on tabIe 12? 962 00:58:28,311 --> 00:58:30,813 We treat each other with respect and dignity. 963 00:58:30,939 --> 00:58:32,398 Fuckin'-ass pervert! 964 00:58:32,523 --> 00:58:37,278 Remember, the difference between ordinary and extraordinary 965 00:58:37,362 --> 00:58:39,197 is that little extra. 966 00:58:39,322 --> 00:58:44,369 The penis just Iooks ridicuIous. It's Iike a shriveIed roII of dimes or something. 967 00:58:44,494 --> 00:58:46,162 I know. It's a joke. 968 00:58:46,287 --> 00:58:48,206 - She's in Iove. - Hey, TyIa. 969 00:58:48,331 --> 00:58:51,292 You gonna taIk to your girIfriend aII night or make my drink? 970 00:59:00,843 --> 00:59:04,097 That's okay. I understand how it works. 971 00:59:04,222 --> 00:59:07,892 Birds of a feather fIock to vagina. 972 00:59:16,693 --> 00:59:19,237 Get off your ass and get heIp! 973 00:59:19,362 --> 00:59:20,989 You want some heIp, bitch? 974 00:59:24,575 --> 00:59:26,536 Here you go. 975 00:59:29,247 --> 00:59:31,749 Theodore! What the heck are you doing? 976 00:59:31,874 --> 00:59:35,545 How many times I toId you? My name is T-dog, bitch! 977 00:59:35,670 --> 00:59:40,091 My name is T-dog, bitch! My name is T-dog, bitch! 978 00:59:41,175 --> 00:59:45,888 Hey, sweetie. It's aImost 9:00. I just came to say good-bye. 979 00:59:47,724 --> 00:59:49,183 Hey, baby. 980 00:59:49,309 --> 00:59:52,270 You wanna go in the car and have a IittIe sex? 981 01:00:02,155 --> 01:00:06,618 So what if there's pIenty of parking spaces? It's the principIe of the matter. 982 01:00:06,743 --> 01:00:09,454 Hey, you're preaching to the choir here. Know what I mean? 983 01:00:09,579 --> 01:00:13,041 The Iord giveth, the Iord taketh away. 984 01:00:13,166 --> 01:00:14,417 Damn, come on. 985 01:00:19,881 --> 01:00:21,966 What the fuck? 986 01:00:24,052 --> 01:00:26,596 Here you go, sir. Once again, I hope you enjoyed everything. 987 01:00:26,721 --> 01:00:27,931 - Thanks. - See you guys. 988 01:00:28,014 --> 01:00:30,558 Dean, I wanna teII you, you did an extraordinary job. 989 01:00:30,642 --> 01:00:32,185 Oh, thank you, sir. 990 01:00:32,268 --> 01:00:34,562 - How oId are you? - I'm 22. 991 01:00:34,646 --> 01:00:37,357 WeII, you're obviousIy a very inteIIigent young man. 992 01:00:37,482 --> 01:00:39,901 Let me give you my card. 993 01:00:39,984 --> 01:00:42,570 Ever get tired of this pIace, you're Iooking for a new opportunity, 994 01:00:42,654 --> 01:00:44,906 - you give me a caII. - AII right. 995 01:00:44,989 --> 01:00:47,283 Thank you, sir. I honestIy appreciate that. 996 01:00:47,408 --> 01:00:50,286 Great. AII right. Have a good night, guys. 997 01:00:50,370 --> 01:00:52,163 Thanks again. Thank you. 998 01:00:54,582 --> 01:00:56,250 WeII, I hope he caIIs. 999 01:01:09,430 --> 01:01:12,809 Mama said they's my magic shoes. 1000 01:01:12,934 --> 01:01:14,769 Mama said they'd take me anywhere. 1001 01:01:14,852 --> 01:01:18,106 Of course, Mama used to beat me with a rubber hose, caII me a retard. 1002 01:01:18,189 --> 01:01:21,109 Dude, pIease stop. Stop. Okay? 1003 01:01:21,192 --> 01:01:24,195 I appreciate what you're trying to do. I do. 1004 01:01:24,320 --> 01:01:28,241 But, dude, I'm reaIIy not in the mood for smiIing, aII right? 1005 01:01:28,324 --> 01:01:29,492 Okay. 1006 01:01:29,617 --> 01:01:31,869 - What? - The oId Iady at tabIe 37 wants you to sing 1007 01:01:31,995 --> 01:01:33,538 the birthday song for her grandson. 1008 01:01:33,663 --> 01:01:36,791 His name is Timmy, and he's eight years old. 1009 01:01:38,334 --> 01:01:39,961 I need birthday singers! 1010 01:01:40,044 --> 01:01:43,631 - Come on, peopIe! We need birthday singers! - Fuck. 1011 01:01:48,594 --> 01:01:52,098 There he is. There's the big winner. 1012 01:01:52,181 --> 01:01:54,767 - Yeah! - Hey. 1013 01:01:54,892 --> 01:01:57,145 AII right. Attention, guests! 1014 01:01:57,228 --> 01:02:02,442 Today's a very speciaI occasion. It's Timmy's eighth birthday! 1015 01:02:02,567 --> 01:02:06,112 Big round of appIause. He's earned it. 1016 01:02:06,195 --> 01:02:08,656 He's got his whoIe Iife ahead of him. The sky's the Iimit. 1017 01:02:08,740 --> 01:02:11,034 I don't know but I've been told 1018 01:02:11,117 --> 01:02:12,910 Someone here is getting old 1019 01:02:13,036 --> 01:02:14,996 Good news is dessert is free 1020 01:02:15,079 --> 01:02:16,956 Bad news is we sing off-key 1021 01:02:17,040 --> 01:02:18,916 Happy birthday 1022 01:02:19,042 --> 01:02:20,543 To you 1023 01:02:25,715 --> 01:02:29,802 - Look at the camera! - Picture time. 1024 01:02:32,221 --> 01:02:34,682 - AII right. AII right. - Cry it off. 1025 01:02:34,807 --> 01:02:37,226 WeII, we can't go in the parking Iot. 1026 01:02:38,269 --> 01:02:40,730 Can't go anywhere in the kitchen. 1027 01:02:42,649 --> 01:02:44,734 WeII, maybe we couId- 1028 01:02:44,859 --> 01:02:47,236 We are not having sex in the bathroom. 1029 01:02:47,362 --> 01:02:49,447 - But- - No. No way. Forget it. 1030 01:02:51,950 --> 01:02:56,120 Oh. Come on, baby. 1031 01:02:57,705 --> 01:02:59,958 Come on. 1032 01:03:02,919 --> 01:03:04,003 Okay. 1033 01:03:05,296 --> 01:03:08,591 - Okay, but this is the Iast time. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1034 01:03:10,343 --> 01:03:12,762 So where do you girIs go to coIIege? 1035 01:03:14,514 --> 01:03:16,432 ActuaIIy, we're stiII in high schooI. 1036 01:03:16,516 --> 01:03:19,686 You're kidding. How oId are you girIs? 1037 01:03:19,811 --> 01:03:21,479 Sixteen. 1038 01:03:21,604 --> 01:03:23,356 Wow. 1039 01:03:23,439 --> 01:03:29,279 You Iook a Iot oIder than that. I wouId've guessed 19, 20, maybe 21. 1040 01:03:29,404 --> 01:03:31,197 Yeah, we get that a Iot. 1041 01:03:34,450 --> 01:03:36,869 Here. Let me give you a hand with that. 1042 01:03:36,995 --> 01:03:39,455 It's the stupid chiIdproof Iighters. 1043 01:03:42,250 --> 01:03:45,295 Hey, Bishop. Can I taIk to you about something? 1044 01:03:45,420 --> 01:03:46,963 Yeah, sure. Have a seat. 1045 01:03:47,088 --> 01:03:48,631 Thanks. 1046 01:03:51,843 --> 01:03:55,054 AII right, so I went to my mother's this morning. 1047 01:03:55,138 --> 01:03:57,515 You've been working here, what? About a year and four months, right? 1048 01:03:57,640 --> 01:04:00,476 Yeah, I guess. About. 1049 01:04:00,560 --> 01:04:04,772 - But anyway, we have a good reIationship- - About three years ago, 1050 01:04:04,856 --> 01:04:08,067 this restaurant went through quite a Iow point. 1051 01:04:08,151 --> 01:04:11,571 Okay, I'm sorry. Did you wanna hear what I was gonna say or- 1052 01:04:11,654 --> 01:04:15,491 PIease. See, the store moraIe was beginning to sIip. 1053 01:04:15,617 --> 01:04:18,119 CIienteIe base began dropping off. 1054 01:04:18,244 --> 01:04:20,371 That of course, Ied to Iower tips, which in time, 1055 01:04:20,496 --> 01:04:22,457 Ied to an even Iower store moraIe. 1056 01:04:22,540 --> 01:04:27,170 BasicaIIy, the entire restaurant was going through quite a downward spiraI. 1057 01:04:27,295 --> 01:04:29,339 Okay. 1058 01:04:29,464 --> 01:04:32,634 Then Raddimus began working here. 1059 01:04:32,717 --> 01:04:36,554 And with him came the penis-showin' game you aII Iike to pIay. 1060 01:04:36,679 --> 01:04:41,017 Okay, I- Why are you teIIing me this? 1061 01:04:41,142 --> 01:04:43,394 Restaurant began to improve. 1062 01:04:43,519 --> 01:04:48,066 EmpIoyees started having more fun at work. They started joking around a Iot more, 1063 01:04:48,191 --> 01:04:51,277 which Ied to a raise in the cIienteIe base, higher tips 1064 01:04:51,361 --> 01:04:52,987 and so on and so forth. 1065 01:04:53,112 --> 01:04:57,158 Yeah, I stiII don't understand, Bishop. 1066 01:04:57,283 --> 01:04:58,993 Point is, 1067 01:05:00,161 --> 01:05:03,414 the penis-showin' game became a cataIyst 1068 01:05:03,539 --> 01:05:06,501 for the change necessary to be made in the restaurant. 1069 01:05:07,877 --> 01:05:13,049 So, when things in your Iife become stagnant. 1070 01:05:13,132 --> 01:05:17,262 You know, you're no Ionger happy with what you're doing. 1071 01:05:17,387 --> 01:05:20,723 Then you figure out what's important to you. 1072 01:05:20,848 --> 01:05:25,270 Then create your own penis-showin' game. 1073 01:05:26,396 --> 01:05:28,731 MetaphoricaIIy speaking, that is. 1074 01:05:31,359 --> 01:05:34,195 Okay. Okay, thanks, Bishop. 1075 01:05:37,573 --> 01:05:42,495 So do you think taking the assistant manager job wouId be Iike my penis-showing game? 1076 01:05:42,578 --> 01:05:44,497 Is that what you're saying? 1077 01:05:47,875 --> 01:05:49,585 Okay. 1078 01:05:51,045 --> 01:05:53,298 Where the heII is it? It's been over haIf an hour! 1079 01:05:53,423 --> 01:05:55,800 ToId you it'd be up in a minute! Get out of my face or I'II Iose your ticket! 1080 01:05:55,925 --> 01:05:59,304 What? What do you want? Get back to the training room, you ass cock! 1081 01:05:59,429 --> 01:06:03,141 Goddamn it! I hate these fuckin' cooks. I hate them! 1082 01:06:03,266 --> 01:06:05,893 Twenty minutes for two medium-rare steaks? This is buIIshit. 1083 01:06:05,977 --> 01:06:10,398 What the heII? They need to get rid of every singIe one of these Iousy cocksucking mother- 1084 01:06:10,481 --> 01:06:13,151 So how is everything? 1085 01:06:17,155 --> 01:06:18,656 Give me a caII when you get this. 1086 01:06:18,781 --> 01:06:21,784 Can you bring this to tabIe 75? I gotta try to take a piss. 1087 01:06:21,909 --> 01:06:25,413 - Okay, good Iuck. - Thanks. 1088 01:06:25,538 --> 01:06:28,958 Okay, so how wouId you Iike your steak prepared? 1089 01:06:29,083 --> 01:06:32,587 Oh, Iet's see. Medium, medium-rare. 1090 01:06:32,712 --> 01:06:36,215 WeII, I want a hot, pink center. 1091 01:06:36,299 --> 01:06:38,134 Don't we aII? 1092 01:06:40,303 --> 01:06:43,014 AII right. Do you know what you guys want? 1093 01:06:43,139 --> 01:06:46,601 - I'd Iike a tossed saIad, pIease. - Oh, you're bad. 1094 01:06:46,726 --> 01:06:48,770 Yo, girI, give me the instant camera. 1095 01:06:48,895 --> 01:06:52,315 Yo, there's a birthday party in the kitchen. We're gonna take a picture. 1096 01:06:52,440 --> 01:06:55,068 Bus tabIe 73 first, and then I'II give you the camera. 1097 01:06:55,193 --> 01:06:57,487 Yeah, whatever. 1098 01:06:57,570 --> 01:06:59,781 Ma'am, I don't doubt the steak was overcooked, 1099 01:06:59,864 --> 01:07:02,533 but did you have to eat it aII before you compIained about it? 1100 01:07:02,659 --> 01:07:06,162 It's too bad chIamydia has to be a venereaI disease. It's such a pIeasant-sounding word. 1101 01:07:06,287 --> 01:07:08,039 - ChIamydia? - ChIamydia. 1102 01:07:08,164 --> 01:07:11,417 ChIamydia. I think I might name my daughter ChIamydia. 1103 01:07:11,501 --> 01:07:15,672 Okay, he wanted the jumbo shrimp with baked potato, and she wanted the- 1104 01:07:15,797 --> 01:07:17,674 Fuck. What did she order? 1105 01:07:17,757 --> 01:07:19,133 - I can't. - Hothead. 1106 01:07:21,052 --> 01:07:24,681 Hi. Here's your change. I hope you guys have a reaIIy nice evening. 1107 01:07:40,863 --> 01:07:45,785 - Fuck. - Hurry up. Come on. 1108 01:07:45,868 --> 01:07:47,287 What's taking so Iong? 1109 01:07:47,370 --> 01:07:49,122 Shh. I'm trying to concentrate. 1110 01:07:49,247 --> 01:07:50,915 Somebody here? 1111 01:07:51,040 --> 01:07:52,458 Hurry up. 1112 01:07:52,542 --> 01:07:53,960 This is crazy. 1113 01:07:54,043 --> 01:07:55,378 Shh, shh, shh. 1114 01:07:55,503 --> 01:07:57,005 No, no. Stop. Stop. 1115 01:07:57,130 --> 01:08:00,383 - Here we go. - Oh, God! 1116 01:08:04,804 --> 01:08:07,724 - My fuckin' man! Yeah, man! - You Iike that? 1117 01:08:07,849 --> 01:08:09,934 Yo, give me the fucking picture back. 1118 01:08:37,879 --> 01:08:41,382 So, what are you doing tonight? 1119 01:08:41,507 --> 01:08:43,843 Oh, I'm sure I'II end up at the party. 1120 01:08:45,428 --> 01:08:46,679 Oh, yeah? 1121 01:08:50,308 --> 01:08:51,935 Do you- 1122 01:08:53,895 --> 01:08:55,355 Do you think I- 1123 01:08:56,439 --> 01:08:58,983 - You wanna come to the party? - WeII, yeah. 1124 01:08:59,108 --> 01:09:03,196 Those guys, they aIways seem to forget to teII me where it's at. 1125 01:09:03,279 --> 01:09:07,033 Okay. As soon as I find out where it is, 1126 01:09:07,116 --> 01:09:10,161 I'II make sure to give you directions. 1127 01:09:10,286 --> 01:09:15,750 WeII, then. Tonight shouId be a good night for both of us, huh? 1128 01:09:21,214 --> 01:09:23,174 OnIy 30 more minutes to go, man. 1129 01:09:23,299 --> 01:09:26,469 We better not have no Iate-night asshoIe comin' in here. 1130 01:09:26,594 --> 01:09:28,346 So how'd y'aII do tonight? 1131 01:09:28,471 --> 01:09:32,058 - I made about 70. - 86. 1132 01:09:32,141 --> 01:09:34,811 I made 67 on a doubIe. 1133 01:09:34,894 --> 01:09:37,397 Oh, God. How pissed are you? 1134 01:09:37,480 --> 01:09:39,899 - How much did you make? - A biII. 1135 01:09:39,983 --> 01:09:44,445 I never make- How do you make a hundred doIIars every night? 1136 01:09:44,570 --> 01:09:45,905 - You wanna know? - Yeah. 1137 01:09:45,989 --> 01:09:48,866 You reaIIy wanna know how I make a hundred doIIars every night? 1138 01:09:48,992 --> 01:09:51,869 - Yes. - It's aII about that right there. 1139 01:09:54,163 --> 01:09:55,790 Yes! 1140 01:09:55,873 --> 01:09:57,375 Yes! 1141 01:09:57,500 --> 01:09:59,252 Monty with the assist! 1142 01:09:59,335 --> 01:10:01,504 I can't beIieve how many homos we got working in here. 1143 01:10:01,629 --> 01:10:04,841 It's crazy. Mitch, cherry-popping time. 1144 01:10:04,966 --> 01:10:07,927 Okay, Monty, my bitch. Kick me a fieId goaI. 1145 01:10:08,011 --> 01:10:09,762 You know what? I don't understand. 1146 01:10:09,846 --> 01:10:13,641 You pIot and you scheme on how to get the other person to Iook at your goat 1147 01:10:13,725 --> 01:10:15,560 or chicken wing or whatever. 1148 01:10:15,685 --> 01:10:18,605 And then when he Iooks, you caII him a fag. 1149 01:10:18,688 --> 01:10:22,609 It's Iike it's an exercise in retarded homophobic futiIity. 1150 01:10:22,692 --> 01:10:24,402 You know you girIs Iove it. 1151 01:10:24,527 --> 01:10:28,489 So, seriousIy, Iadies, why don't you wanna pIay the game? 1152 01:10:28,573 --> 01:10:30,742 I reaIIy think that we'd be wiIIing to amend the ruIes for you. 1153 01:10:30,867 --> 01:10:34,245 - Oh, yeah. I bet you wouId. - No girI wouId ever pIay that game. 1154 01:10:34,370 --> 01:10:35,413 Why not? 1155 01:10:35,538 --> 01:10:37,081 - You wanna know why? - Yeah. 1156 01:10:37,206 --> 01:10:39,417 - You reaIIy wanna know why? - I reaIIy do. 1157 01:10:39,542 --> 01:10:42,587 Okay. I'II teII you why. 1158 01:10:42,712 --> 01:10:45,256 - It's because of this! - Oh! 1159 01:10:45,381 --> 01:10:47,925 Oh, yeah. Bang. Pow! Pow! Pow! 1160 01:10:48,051 --> 01:10:49,886 It's so angry! 1161 01:10:50,720 --> 01:10:53,348 Oh, God. Does that thing have its shots? 1162 01:10:53,431 --> 01:10:57,560 - Put it away. Put it away. - Dinner is served! 1163 01:10:58,394 --> 01:10:59,604 Oh, my God. 1164 01:10:59,729 --> 01:11:03,691 WeII, it's officiaI. Now my penis is just for show. 1165 01:11:03,816 --> 01:11:06,527 Mitch, you picked a fucked-up night to start working here. 1166 01:11:06,694 --> 01:11:09,072 - Oh, my God. - Bend over, boys. 1167 01:11:09,155 --> 01:11:12,075 Oh, it's Iadies' time. 1168 01:11:14,619 --> 01:11:17,705 - Spread 'em. Let's go. - AII right. That's enough. 1169 01:11:20,083 --> 01:11:22,210 You Ioved it. 1170 01:11:22,293 --> 01:11:24,837 - Mitch, you're coming to the party tonight? - WeII, yeah- 1171 01:11:24,921 --> 01:11:26,422 Great. Let's get this party started then. 1172 01:11:26,547 --> 01:11:28,758 I gotta stop home first. I'II meet you there. 1173 01:11:28,883 --> 01:11:31,052 Why do you have to go home? 1174 01:11:31,135 --> 01:11:33,805 Oh. Right. Sorry, CaIvin. 1175 01:11:35,348 --> 01:11:37,600 Okay, baby doII, you're definiteIy coming, right? 1176 01:11:37,684 --> 01:11:40,228 If you do everything right, I wiII. 1177 01:11:40,311 --> 01:11:44,065 Oh, God, Natasha, you're gonna have to stop that. You're making it hard. 1178 01:11:44,148 --> 01:11:45,733 I mean, difficuIt. 1179 01:11:45,817 --> 01:11:48,194 Hey, Cochise, we're out. I'II see you, okay? 1180 01:11:48,278 --> 01:11:50,947 Yeah. I'II see you there. 1181 01:11:51,072 --> 01:11:53,908 Okay, I am so ready to get stupid. 1182 01:11:58,454 --> 01:12:02,709 OnIy three more minutes tiII the baII drop, baby. Come on. 1183 01:12:02,792 --> 01:12:03,876 Come on. 1184 01:12:07,297 --> 01:12:11,259 - Oh, hi there. - You're not cIosed yet, are you? 1185 01:12:11,968 --> 01:12:14,304 - Not quite. - Oh, terrific. 1186 01:12:17,056 --> 01:12:19,767 - Great. - Here you go. 1187 01:12:19,851 --> 01:12:21,936 And Dean wiII be your waiter this evening. 1188 01:12:22,020 --> 01:12:24,314 Awesome. 1189 01:12:29,360 --> 01:12:32,280 Hey, there, foIks. My name is Dean. I'II be your waiter this evening. 1190 01:12:32,363 --> 01:12:33,656 HeIIo, Dean. 1191 01:12:36,993 --> 01:12:39,704 Hey, Chet. 1192 01:12:41,539 --> 01:12:43,499 I'm sorry, guys. 1193 01:12:48,129 --> 01:12:52,675 Why? Why? Why? Why? 1194 01:12:52,800 --> 01:12:55,511 Okay, so I'II go ahead and put your order in, 1195 01:12:55,595 --> 01:12:57,639 and maybe when I come back we'II catch up a bit. 1196 01:12:57,722 --> 01:13:01,517 - Yeah, sounds good. - CooI. 1197 01:13:06,522 --> 01:13:09,484 Oops. How cIumsy of me. 1198 01:13:15,865 --> 01:13:20,036 Oh, man, Iook what I did. I'm aII thumbs today. 1199 01:13:20,119 --> 01:13:23,539 AII right, guys. Here you go, Chet. You got a steak. 1200 01:13:23,665 --> 01:13:25,667 So, did you hear? I got my bacheIor's degree. 1201 01:13:25,750 --> 01:13:27,835 Yeah, yeah. My mother toId me. 1202 01:13:27,919 --> 01:13:30,505 - That's reaIIy cooI. CongratuIations. - Yeah. 1203 01:13:30,588 --> 01:13:33,675 - Yeah, I heard you were working here. - Yeah. 1204 01:13:33,758 --> 01:13:38,805 Anyway. Yeah. I just started my new career. They're starting me off at 48,000 a year. 1205 01:13:38,888 --> 01:13:40,848 Wow. Wow. 1206 01:13:40,932 --> 01:13:43,810 Yeah, I've been Iooking at houses. It's reaIIy exciting. 1207 01:13:43,893 --> 01:13:45,103 I'II bet. 1208 01:13:45,228 --> 01:13:48,231 - So what have you been doing? - Oh, you know. 1209 01:13:48,356 --> 01:13:52,193 WeII, I've been working here, obviousIy. 1210 01:13:52,277 --> 01:13:56,030 And I'm stiII finishing up at C.C., taking a few more cIasses. 1211 01:13:56,114 --> 01:13:58,783 I was actuaIIy thinking about taking an assistant manager- 1212 01:13:58,908 --> 01:14:00,660 CouId I get some more tea? 1213 01:14:02,370 --> 01:14:05,039 Sure. Yeah. 1214 01:14:07,500 --> 01:14:09,919 Coming right up. 1215 01:14:11,254 --> 01:14:14,090 Hey, Dan, man, we outta here. 1216 01:14:20,722 --> 01:14:22,765 Okay, Dan, I'm just Ieaving now. 1217 01:14:22,890 --> 01:14:25,602 But here are the directions to the party. 1218 01:14:25,727 --> 01:14:27,937 What time are you coming over? 1219 01:14:28,062 --> 01:14:30,106 I shouId be out of here soon. 1220 01:14:30,231 --> 01:14:31,941 I'm gonna go home and change 1221 01:14:32,066 --> 01:14:34,360 and be right over. 1222 01:14:34,444 --> 01:14:35,653 Okay. 1223 01:14:35,778 --> 01:14:39,741 I just wanna warn you, I might be reaIIy drunk tonight. 1224 01:14:39,824 --> 01:14:41,784 I hope you won't think Iess of me. 1225 01:14:41,909 --> 01:14:44,203 No. No, I'm not. 1226 01:14:44,287 --> 01:14:45,913 I won't. 1227 01:14:45,997 --> 01:14:48,958 Okay. WeII, I'II see you there. 1228 01:14:56,132 --> 01:14:57,175 Fuck. 1229 01:14:59,469 --> 01:15:01,888 - Dean, reaIIy, it's- - No. 1230 01:15:01,971 --> 01:15:03,806 It's what? 1231 01:15:08,061 --> 01:15:10,647 Here you go, Chet. It was nice seeing you again. 1232 01:15:10,772 --> 01:15:13,566 Yeah, you too, Dean. Listen. 1233 01:15:13,650 --> 01:15:16,194 You take care of yourseIf. 1234 01:15:17,612 --> 01:15:19,697 You too. Okay. 1235 01:15:33,252 --> 01:15:34,921 How much did he Ieave you? 1236 01:15:36,464 --> 01:15:38,091 He must have made a mistake. 1237 01:15:53,022 --> 01:15:55,733 Chet, Chet. I think you made a mistake. 1238 01:15:55,858 --> 01:15:58,695 - You gave me a hundred doIIar biII. - No, it's aII there. 1239 01:15:58,778 --> 01:16:03,825 - We're straight. - The check's onIy $31. That's Iike a $70 tip. 1240 01:16:03,908 --> 01:16:08,121 Look, I just thought maybe you needed it more than I do. 1241 01:16:24,554 --> 01:16:26,097 Hey! Dean. 1242 01:16:29,225 --> 01:16:32,020 Have you thought about it? 1243 01:16:32,103 --> 01:16:34,272 You want that assistant manager job? 1244 01:16:41,529 --> 01:16:43,906 - 'Weiser? - No, thanks. 1245 01:16:53,875 --> 01:16:55,668 Look- 1246 01:16:56,794 --> 01:16:58,838 HeIIo? Hey, Christy. 1247 01:16:58,921 --> 01:17:00,298 What's up? 1248 01:17:01,591 --> 01:17:03,176 No, I'm not. No, I was just- 1249 01:17:05,428 --> 01:17:06,471 Oh. 1250 01:17:08,431 --> 01:17:10,808 Yeah, I'II see you tomorrow, then. 1251 01:17:10,934 --> 01:17:13,186 Okay. Bye. Bye. 1252 01:17:13,269 --> 01:17:15,146 Bye. 1253 01:17:16,314 --> 01:17:20,610 - What's up with Christy? - Oh, she's- 1254 01:17:20,735 --> 01:17:22,820 She's on a date. 1255 01:17:22,946 --> 01:17:25,531 That's why she wanted me to cover her shift. 1256 01:17:25,615 --> 01:17:27,408 She's- She's stiII with him. 1257 01:17:27,492 --> 01:17:30,787 God, that's it. 1258 01:17:30,870 --> 01:17:33,790 I'm gonna- I'm gonna change. 1259 01:17:33,873 --> 01:17:35,458 WeII, good. 1260 01:17:35,583 --> 01:17:37,543 You shouId start tonight. 1261 01:17:37,627 --> 01:17:41,339 - Go get one of those high schooI girIs. - You think? 1262 01:17:41,464 --> 01:17:44,509 Mitch, I want you to know that you did a reaIIy great job today. 1263 01:17:44,634 --> 01:17:49,097 And you didn't even cry once, which is more than I can say for my Iast trainee. 1264 01:17:49,222 --> 01:17:54,143 So, honestIy, you think you can handIe working here? 1265 01:17:56,354 --> 01:18:00,149 - Yeah- - Hey, fuck off for a second. I'II be right back. 1266 01:18:02,360 --> 01:18:04,904 Hey, whoa. Amy caIIed, she toId me what happened. 1267 01:18:04,988 --> 01:18:07,240 You know what? Fuck Chet MiIIer. 1268 01:18:07,323 --> 01:18:09,367 Hey, man, reIax. 1269 01:18:09,492 --> 01:18:11,035 AII right? ReIax. I'm okay. 1270 01:18:11,160 --> 01:18:12,287 You serious? 1271 01:18:12,370 --> 01:18:15,248 - I'd be ready to kiII someone. - No, you know what? 1272 01:18:15,331 --> 01:18:17,333 I'm gIad he came in. I reaIIy am. 1273 01:18:17,458 --> 01:18:21,296 Yeah, he was a prick, and at first I was so fucking pissed off, 1274 01:18:21,379 --> 01:18:23,506 but it was weird. 1275 01:18:23,631 --> 01:18:27,135 In one second, it aII just kind of snapped into perspective. 1276 01:18:27,260 --> 01:18:30,763 PIease, eIaborate. Did you taIk to Dan? 1277 01:18:30,847 --> 01:18:34,309 Do you want the assistant manager job? 1278 01:18:35,393 --> 01:18:36,352 No. 1279 01:18:37,645 --> 01:18:38,771 I quit. 1280 01:18:38,855 --> 01:18:40,607 What? 1281 01:18:40,690 --> 01:18:43,693 You know, I thought about it. I thought a Iot about it 1282 01:18:43,818 --> 01:18:46,321 and I know I don't wanna wait tabIes anymore. 1283 01:18:46,446 --> 01:18:48,197 This is aII temporary. 1284 01:18:48,323 --> 01:18:50,241 This is supposed to be the in-between time. 1285 01:18:50,366 --> 01:18:52,702 If I become an assistant manager, 1286 01:18:52,785 --> 01:18:55,204 it's just one more step towards permanence. 1287 01:18:55,288 --> 01:18:56,831 Fuck that, man. No way. 1288 01:18:56,914 --> 01:18:59,917 So you've reaIIy... 1289 01:19:03,421 --> 01:19:06,841 What did Dan say when you toId him you quit? 1290 01:19:06,924 --> 01:19:11,179 You're fIushing a goIden opportunity down the toiIet. 1291 01:19:11,262 --> 01:19:14,265 And just so you know, Hot Dog, 1292 01:19:14,390 --> 01:19:17,894 if you do come back, this job won't be here for you. 1293 01:19:18,019 --> 01:19:19,771 - I hope you're right. - I am right! 1294 01:19:19,896 --> 01:19:23,399 - You're fired! - I mean, I aIready quit, so- 1295 01:19:23,524 --> 01:19:25,234 No, you're fired! 1296 01:19:25,318 --> 01:19:27,362 I write the book, okay? 1297 01:19:27,487 --> 01:19:29,739 Here's how it went down. You waIked in- 1298 01:19:29,864 --> 01:19:31,366 You're fired! 1299 01:19:31,491 --> 01:19:34,619 AII right. Then, thanks for being so mature about this and professionaI. 1300 01:19:34,744 --> 01:19:36,829 I was very professionaI. You're fired. 1301 01:19:36,913 --> 01:19:38,039 AII right. 1302 01:19:38,122 --> 01:19:41,125 Get out! Get out of my sight! 1303 01:19:41,334 --> 01:19:43,711 - That's harsh. - Yeah. 1304 01:19:43,795 --> 01:19:46,172 He'II be cryin' himseIf to sIeep tonight on his cock-shaped piIIow. 1305 01:19:48,841 --> 01:19:50,343 What are you gonna do now? 1306 01:19:50,426 --> 01:19:52,345 I don't know. 1307 01:19:53,429 --> 01:19:55,056 I don't know. 1308 01:19:56,307 --> 01:19:58,268 I'm definiteIy gonna do somethin'. 1309 01:19:58,351 --> 01:20:00,186 Fuck it. 1310 01:20:00,270 --> 01:20:02,063 Let's go out there, Iet's ceIebrate, 1311 01:20:02,146 --> 01:20:05,692 Iet's just get totaIIy fucking annihiIated, hammered-ass drunk 1312 01:20:05,775 --> 01:20:07,986 and then run the train on Amy. 1313 01:20:08,111 --> 01:20:09,070 Fuck. 1314 01:20:09,153 --> 01:20:10,947 You reaIIy are an asshoIe, man. 1315 01:20:11,030 --> 01:20:12,824 So I'm toId. 1316 01:20:14,367 --> 01:20:15,827 You're a good friend too. 1317 01:20:15,952 --> 01:20:19,706 Let's just keep that on the DL. I'm aII about Iow expectations. 1318 01:20:19,789 --> 01:20:21,833 What, are you fIirting with me? 1319 01:20:23,960 --> 01:20:25,837 Oh, by the way, CaI. 1320 01:20:25,962 --> 01:20:29,299 I've been thinking about your pubIic bathroom phobia. 1321 01:20:29,382 --> 01:20:31,509 - Yeah? - I beIieve I have a soIution. 1322 01:20:31,634 --> 01:20:34,095 ReaIIy? What is it? 1323 01:20:34,178 --> 01:20:37,599 - TeII me what to do. - Okay, but first, 1324 01:20:37,682 --> 01:20:39,267 cIose your eyes. 1325 01:20:39,350 --> 01:20:42,061 CIose my- Okay. 1326 01:20:43,104 --> 01:20:44,606 Now... 1327 01:20:44,689 --> 01:20:47,984 envision yourseIf at a bathroom urinaI. 1328 01:20:48,067 --> 01:20:51,195 With everybody you know crowded around you. 1329 01:20:52,655 --> 01:20:54,866 They're cheering you on. 1330 01:20:54,991 --> 01:20:57,577 They're chanting your name. 1331 01:20:57,660 --> 01:21:00,204 Not only do they want you to urinate, 1332 01:21:00,330 --> 01:21:01,706 they wanna see it. 1333 01:21:01,831 --> 01:21:05,251 - Proud of you, buddy! - HeII, yeah! 1334 01:21:05,335 --> 01:21:08,463 - Fuckin' piss, man! - We beIieve in you! 1335 01:21:08,546 --> 01:21:11,007 You can do it! 1336 01:21:11,132 --> 01:21:12,925 You pissing son of a bitch! 1337 01:21:13,009 --> 01:21:16,971 Now, see yourself urinating, Calvin. 1338 01:21:17,096 --> 01:21:20,224 You can do itl Do itl 1339 01:21:20,350 --> 01:21:22,101 Do it. 1340 01:21:37,033 --> 01:21:38,868 It's historicl 1341 01:21:38,993 --> 01:21:42,705 So, go ahead and visuaI that for the next few weeks. 1342 01:21:42,789 --> 01:21:45,166 Start off at home first, by yourseIf. 1343 01:21:45,249 --> 01:21:47,502 Then you can move to a staII, 1344 01:21:47,585 --> 01:21:50,797 and then eventuaIIy to an actuaI urinaI. 1345 01:21:52,048 --> 01:21:54,050 Thanks, Bishop. I mean it. 1346 01:21:54,133 --> 01:21:55,760 That totaIIy makes sense. 1347 01:21:55,885 --> 01:21:59,097 Look, weII, you guys, I'm feeIin' good. 1348 01:21:59,222 --> 01:22:02,684 You know what? I'm gonna go taIk to one of those high schooI girIs. 1349 01:22:02,767 --> 01:22:04,811 - WeII, good Iuck with that. - Thank you. 1350 01:22:13,569 --> 01:22:15,488 So, what grade are you in? 1351 01:22:17,407 --> 01:22:19,575 Oh, Iook at that. A bedroom. 1352 01:22:32,422 --> 01:22:33,506 No. 1353 01:22:33,589 --> 01:22:36,134 What? What do you mean? 1354 01:22:36,259 --> 01:22:39,512 You start pIaying this weird, ambivaIence buIIshit, and it makes me feeI psycho. 1355 01:22:39,596 --> 01:22:41,014 And I never get psycho! 1356 01:22:41,097 --> 01:22:42,640 I know. 1357 01:22:43,891 --> 01:22:46,352 So I need you to do me a favor. 1358 01:22:46,436 --> 01:22:48,896 I need you to not be such a pussy. 1359 01:22:48,980 --> 01:22:52,358 Wow, there's the sass that I was missin'. 1360 01:22:52,442 --> 01:22:55,570 - You're a fIake. - I know I'm a fIake! 1361 01:22:55,653 --> 01:22:57,822 - Fuck you! - You can't even get a boner. 1362 01:22:57,947 --> 01:22:59,741 Whoa, sorry to interrupt. 1363 01:22:59,824 --> 01:23:02,076 Wait. Hey, Bishop. 1364 01:23:02,160 --> 01:23:04,829 I created my own penis-showing game. 1365 01:23:06,789 --> 01:23:08,458 So you quit your job. 1366 01:23:09,584 --> 01:23:11,085 How'd you know I quit? 1367 01:23:15,465 --> 01:23:16,799 Wow. 1368 01:23:22,138 --> 01:23:23,640 Are you okay? 1369 01:23:24,682 --> 01:23:26,351 Is somethin' wrong? 1370 01:23:29,228 --> 01:23:31,606 Just checking. 1371 01:23:45,536 --> 01:23:47,872 Wait. Wait, wait. 1372 01:23:48,957 --> 01:23:50,500 What? 1373 01:23:50,625 --> 01:23:54,754 You turn 18 next Wednesday, right? 1374 01:23:55,880 --> 01:23:57,840 Yeah. 1375 01:23:57,924 --> 01:23:59,467 Okay, then- 1376 01:23:59,550 --> 01:24:02,011 Why don't we make this 1377 01:24:02,095 --> 01:24:03,930 a ''to be continued... 1378 01:24:05,223 --> 01:24:07,517 untiI next Wednesday''? 1379 01:24:07,642 --> 01:24:11,020 Why? Do you think I'm gonna turn you in? 1380 01:24:11,145 --> 01:24:13,773 - You think you're going to get arrested? - No, no, no. 1381 01:24:13,856 --> 01:24:17,777 I just- I feeI Iike I don't wanna be- 1382 01:24:17,860 --> 01:24:19,570 taking ad- 1383 01:24:23,157 --> 01:24:25,660 - Let's just wait the week. - Okay. 1384 01:24:25,785 --> 01:24:27,203 Okay. 1385 01:24:30,581 --> 01:24:34,043 But if anybody asks, anybody at aII, 1386 01:24:34,127 --> 01:24:35,712 I fucked you. 1387 01:24:37,797 --> 01:24:39,424 Twice! 1388 01:24:41,718 --> 01:24:44,304 So, Mitch, how was your first day? 1389 01:24:47,181 --> 01:24:48,725 WeII? 1390 01:24:49,892 --> 01:24:51,019 WeII, it was- 1391 01:24:51,144 --> 01:24:54,188 I remember my first day. 1392 01:24:54,272 --> 01:24:56,566 What a doozy, huh? Bishop, you're gonna Iove this. 1393 01:24:56,649 --> 01:25:00,111 I was so nervous I dropped this bowI of soup on a nun. 1394 01:25:00,236 --> 01:25:02,363 Hey, turn down the music for a minute. 1395 01:25:03,448 --> 01:25:07,577 - Hey, wouId you turn down the music? - Dude, chiII. 1396 01:25:07,702 --> 01:25:10,705 WouId you turn down the fucking music for a minute! Jesus! 1397 01:25:10,830 --> 01:25:13,583 This is fucking buIIshit! 1398 01:25:13,666 --> 01:25:17,545 I have been here aII goddamned day and you haven't Iet me say one thing! 1399 01:25:17,629 --> 01:25:18,796 None of you! 1400 01:25:18,921 --> 01:25:21,633 - WeII, damn, Mitch, I- - Oh, no, asshoIe! 1401 01:25:21,758 --> 01:25:25,845 You shut the fuck up now. It's my turn to taIk! 1402 01:25:25,929 --> 01:25:28,556 You're aII fucked in the head! AII of you! I mean you- 1403 01:25:28,681 --> 01:25:33,770 Change your fuckin' tampon and have another drink you crazy, fuckin' bitch! 1404 01:25:33,895 --> 01:25:37,398 And you! ''I don't know what to be when I grow up!'' 1405 01:25:37,523 --> 01:25:39,567 Join the fuckin' army or something! 1406 01:25:39,651 --> 01:25:41,361 Goddamn! 1407 01:25:41,444 --> 01:25:43,905 Oh, and you! 1408 01:25:43,988 --> 01:25:46,407 You know what? You're too easy. 1409 01:25:47,825 --> 01:25:49,202 And you. 1410 01:25:51,037 --> 01:25:52,997 Fuck you, Monty! 1411 01:25:53,122 --> 01:25:55,625 AIways gotta be right, with your IittIe quips! 1412 01:25:55,750 --> 01:25:59,253 We get it, man. You're fuckin' edgy and cooI. Yeah! 1413 01:25:59,379 --> 01:26:02,799 You're the cooIest fuckin' guy at Shenaniganz! 1414 01:26:02,924 --> 01:26:06,219 That's Iike being the smartest kid with Down syndrome! 1415 01:26:07,387 --> 01:26:08,805 Oh, and, oh, yeah. 1416 01:26:08,888 --> 01:26:10,932 Why aren't you in jaiI? I mean, 1417 01:26:11,057 --> 01:26:12,725 what are you, Iike 13, 14? 1418 01:26:12,809 --> 01:26:14,727 She's aImost 18. 1419 01:26:14,811 --> 01:26:17,355 You know what? Fuck this! 1420 01:26:17,480 --> 01:26:18,940 You aII suck. I quit. 1421 01:26:23,278 --> 01:26:25,238 Oh, yeah. 1422 01:26:25,321 --> 01:26:27,782 There is one more thing. 1423 01:26:30,118 --> 01:26:31,119 You. 1424 01:26:33,413 --> 01:26:35,623 You are the biggest piece of shit 1425 01:26:35,707 --> 01:26:38,418 in this entire restaurant. 1426 01:26:38,501 --> 01:26:40,461 And I hope you burn in heII. 1427 01:26:40,545 --> 01:26:44,966 Me? What the fuck did I do to you, man? 1428 01:26:45,049 --> 01:26:46,426 SeriousIy? 1429 01:26:47,719 --> 01:26:49,804 Oh, shit! 1430 01:26:49,929 --> 01:26:54,267 The goat! The goat, you bastard! 1431 01:26:56,102 --> 01:26:58,146 Fuckin' faggots. 1432 01:27:00,189 --> 01:27:02,567 That was the shit! 1433 01:27:02,775 --> 01:27:05,320 Mitch! Mitch! Stop, pIease. 1434 01:27:05,445 --> 01:27:06,571 Look, Iook. Stop, stop. 1435 01:27:06,696 --> 01:27:08,323 Okay, I am sorry, 1436 01:27:08,406 --> 01:27:10,950 and I hereby swear my undying aIIegiance to you. 1437 01:27:11,034 --> 01:27:13,286 You are the fucking man. 1438 01:27:14,537 --> 01:27:16,873 Now, come back to the party. 1439 01:27:16,956 --> 01:27:18,708 PIease? 1440 01:27:20,209 --> 01:27:23,713 I swear to God, I'II never underestimate you again. 1441 01:27:26,549 --> 01:27:29,010 - AII right. - Okay. 1442 01:27:29,093 --> 01:27:30,511 AII right. 1443 01:27:30,595 --> 01:27:33,556 Dean, you've been repIaced. 1444 01:27:34,974 --> 01:27:36,893 Fuck! 1445 01:27:36,976 --> 01:27:38,519 AII right, everybody, Iisten up. 1446 01:27:38,645 --> 01:27:41,230 From here on out, Mitch is a made man. 1447 01:27:41,356 --> 01:27:45,485 Anyone who has anything different to say, Nick and T-Dog wiII fucking fuck you! 1448 01:27:47,445 --> 01:27:50,281 Let's taIk about that T-Dog one more time! 1449 01:27:50,406 --> 01:27:51,658 Shut up! 1450 01:27:53,242 --> 01:27:54,243 What's that? 1451 01:27:57,372 --> 01:27:58,373 Don't do that! 1452 01:28:00,208 --> 01:28:02,502 Yo, man, yo! Yo! Beer run, man. 1453 01:28:35,994 --> 01:28:37,412 Why the heII wouId you do that? 1454 01:28:37,495 --> 01:28:42,250 - He's a fucking manager. - WeII, he asked, so, I- 1455 01:28:45,962 --> 01:28:48,214 You Iost major cooI points for this. 1456 01:28:52,885 --> 01:28:55,305 What the heII are you doing here? 1457 01:28:57,140 --> 01:29:01,144 Yo! What you doin'? 1458 01:29:01,269 --> 01:29:03,146 - What's up? How you doin'? - Those Iook heavy. 1459 01:29:03,271 --> 01:29:05,148 No, I think you can make it. 1460 01:29:05,273 --> 01:29:08,234 - AsshoIe. - Shenaniganz. 1461 01:29:08,318 --> 01:29:11,571 You bring my goddamn gift certificates? 1462 01:29:13,406 --> 01:29:16,451 Is...Natasha...here? 1463 01:29:22,498 --> 01:29:25,084 Okay. Yeah. They got me. 1464 01:29:25,168 --> 01:29:27,295 AII right. Okay. 1465 01:29:28,755 --> 01:29:31,174 You- One week! 1466 01:30:16,761 --> 01:30:19,555 When you're struggling Livin' off Ramen noodles 1467 01:30:19,681 --> 01:30:22,058 I'm in my Lexus Finger-bangin'poodles 1468 01:30:22,183 --> 01:30:24,686 You call me a busboy I'll bust you three times 1469 01:30:24,769 --> 01:30:27,021 Slice you three times Slice you three limes 1470 01:30:27,105 --> 01:30:29,440 And make you squeeze 'em on your own cuts 1471 01:30:29,565 --> 01:30:32,068 And, bitch, you best give thanks before you eat my nuts 1472 01:30:32,193 --> 01:30:34,570 Yeah, who's that motherfucker throwing pot in the ground 1473 01:30:34,654 --> 01:30:37,323 These bitches used to clown me Now they surround me 1474 01:30:37,407 --> 01:30:39,659 My mom tries to ground me I'm gonna slap her 1475 01:30:39,742 --> 01:30:42,078 I'll fuckin' cap her Don't she know I'm a rapper 1476 01:30:42,203 --> 01:30:44,664 I don't care about love Fuck amore 1477 01:30:44,747 --> 01:30:46,833 Fuck the dumb whore-ay All day 1478 01:30:46,916 --> 01:30:49,794 And then suck my dick all in its glory 1479 01:30:49,919 --> 01:30:52,130 Swallow my nut This shit is gourmet 1480 01:30:52,255 --> 01:30:54,799 I'm hor-nay but you fuckin' sluts bore me 1481 01:30:54,924 --> 01:30:57,260 So fuck you, bitch I'll fuck your mama 1482 01:30:57,385 --> 01:30:59,887 Then I'll kill your papa to top the drama 1483 01:30:59,971 --> 01:31:02,265 Then I'll rape a llama to top that drama 1484 01:31:02,348 --> 01:31:04,601 I'll eat that pussy like Jeffrey Dahmer 1485 01:31:04,726 --> 01:31:07,395 I got a gat in my hand A pound in my tighty-whities 1486 01:31:07,478 --> 01:31:09,897 A hit on my shit will make your eyes Chinese 1487 01:31:09,981 --> 01:31:12,525 My wallets are thick and here's the thing, you dumb bitch 1488 01:31:12,609 --> 01:31:14,902 Even my come's rich You fuckin' retard 1489 01:31:14,986 --> 01:31:17,280 I'll pull your fuckin' card You ready, willin' and able 1490 01:31:17,405 --> 01:31:19,782 You call me fuckin' fake just because I bus tables 1491 01:31:19,907 --> 01:31:21,701 Fuck you I'll fuck your navel 1492 01:31:21,784 --> 01:31:25,788 Real thugs pop guns You steal cable 1493 01:31:32,920 --> 01:31:36,799 I got more bush than High Times More rhymes than LeAnn 1494 01:31:36,883 --> 01:31:38,801 Pull out my glock Now you pee in your pants 1495 01:31:38,926 --> 01:31:42,430 It's your last chance, I'll cut your retinas It's your last glance 1496 01:31:42,513 --> 01:31:44,265 Yo, bitch, you're fucking worthless 1497 01:31:44,349 --> 01:31:47,143 And if you backstab me I'll show you what a hearse is 1498 01:31:47,226 --> 01:31:49,437 You can't be fixed by a hundred surgeons 1499 01:31:49,520 --> 01:31:52,190 I'll pull out my heater and boom, bye-bye 1500 01:31:52,315 --> 01:31:54,233 Even when you're dead I'm bustin' nuts in your eye 1501 01:31:54,317 --> 01:31:56,444 Sin, sin, sin I'll stick a dildo in 1502 01:31:56,527 --> 01:31:59,197 While I'm hidin' in the Shenaniganz' garbage bin 1503 01:31:59,322 --> 01:32:01,616 And with the other hand I'll doodle on some napkins 1504 01:32:01,699 --> 01:32:04,410 Fuck you with a loaf of bread and make you cheat on Atkin's 1505 01:32:06,037 --> 01:32:07,580 - Ah, yeah. - Oh, motherfucker. 1506 01:32:07,664 --> 01:32:09,165 I work at Shenaniganz 1507 01:32:09,248 --> 01:32:11,417 Blow me 'cause I'm an OG 1508 01:32:11,501 --> 01:32:14,128 So get the fuck out my dome before I split yours 1509 01:32:14,253 --> 01:32:17,006 I used to have spit wars and now I split whores in two 1510 01:32:17,131 --> 01:32:19,258 I am the walrus Koo-koo-ka-choo 1511 01:32:19,342 --> 01:32:21,636 - So back up, sonny - We got mad honeys 1512 01:32:21,719 --> 01:32:24,138 - We make much money - And don't you dare laugh 1513 01:32:24,222 --> 01:32:25,598 'Cause this shit ain't funny 1514 01:32:25,682 --> 01:32:27,934 Squeeze the trigger Now your head's all bloody 1515 01:32:28,017 --> 01:32:30,645 - We got new rides - Now we'll flip the switches 1516 01:32:30,770 --> 01:32:33,022 - No more dirty dishes - I'll steal people's wishes 1517 01:32:33,106 --> 01:32:34,357 And clock mad digits 1518 01:32:34,482 --> 01:32:36,651 Pump on a blot and have sex with hot midgets 1519 01:32:36,776 --> 01:32:39,153 I love when your cunt is balder than Bruce Willis 1520 01:32:39,237 --> 01:32:42,532 Nick and T-dog, motherfucker We the illest 1521 01:32:42,615 --> 01:32:44,701 Peace out, bitch-ass motherfuckers. 1522 01:32:44,826 --> 01:32:47,161 Get the fuck out of my fuckin' face. 1523 01:32:47,245 --> 01:32:50,832 - Get the fuck out of my fuckin' face. - Bitch-ass motherfuckers. 1524 01:33:31,331 --> 01:33:32,874 Oh, yeah!