1
00:04:23,129 --> 00:04:26,428
(Narrator)
The world's fate
is decided by legends,

2
00:04:26,499 --> 00:04:28,797
men who are larger than life,

3
00:04:28,868 --> 00:04:30,631
whose tales
of bravery and courage

4
00:04:30,703 --> 00:04:33,934
don't just echo
through their time,

5
00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:36,168
but through all time.

6
00:04:36,242 --> 00:04:39,177
And so it was
with Awesomest Maximus.

7
00:04:41,881 --> 00:04:44,441
Oops. Sorry, buddy.
(chuckles)

8
00:04:44,517 --> 00:04:48,248
(Narrator)
Even if he was
one stupid motherfucker.

9
00:04:48,321 --> 00:04:49,948
Hey, Quantus,
my main man.

10
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,251
How's all
this stuff looking?

11
00:04:51,324 --> 00:04:53,121
Good, General.

12
00:04:53,192 --> 00:04:54,682
As you can see,
the odds are heavily
in our favor.

13
00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:56,126
Hm. Super.

14
00:04:56,195 --> 00:04:58,356
Ready to finish
this, General.

15
00:04:58,431 --> 00:05:00,422
Something is amiss.

16
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:01,967
Super. Thanks, Larry.

17
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:03,627
Just go ahead
and top her off there.

18
00:05:03,703 --> 00:05:07,537
Oo-oo, when!
(chuckles) Okay.

19
00:05:07,607 --> 00:05:09,268
To strength
and honor.

20
00:05:09,342 --> 00:05:13,039
Yeah, and beer
and blowjobs.

21
00:05:13,112 --> 00:05:14,204
Wow, meow.

22
00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:17,178
Shink.
(roars)

23
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:20,310
(grunts repeatedly)

24
00:05:20,386 --> 00:05:22,684
You know, why don't we
just go with the archers.

25
00:05:22,755 --> 00:05:24,120
The cavalry
is too close,
General.

26
00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:26,556
The cavalry's fine.
Sheesh.

27
00:05:29,696 --> 00:05:32,130
- Fire.
- Fire!

28
00:05:38,137 --> 00:05:39,570
(arrows hitting)

29
00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:40,628
(neighing)

30
00:05:40,707 --> 00:05:42,038
(men screaming)

31
00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:46,136
Probably just
move the cavalry back

32
00:05:46,212 --> 00:05:47,941
a little bit
next time,
because this...

33
00:05:53,419 --> 00:05:55,979
(Narrator)
The gods foretold
that Awesomest Maximus

34
00:05:56,055 --> 00:06:00,651
would one day become
the greatest general
who ever lived.

35
00:06:00,727 --> 00:06:03,252
And when your destiny
has been prophecied
by the gods,

36
00:06:03,329 --> 00:06:06,059
shit, you might as well
go to the titty bar

37
00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:08,828
and get fucked up.

38
00:06:10,136 --> 00:06:11,433
(clears throat)
General.

39
00:06:11,504 --> 00:06:13,028
Hey, Quantas.
What's up dude?

40
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:15,438
Check this out.
(makes blubbery sound)

41
00:06:15,508 --> 00:06:17,169
That's awesome,
Awesomest.

42
00:06:17,243 --> 00:06:20,007
I call it
a motor boat.

43
00:06:20,079 --> 00:06:22,206
- What is a motor boat?
- A boat with a motor. Duh.

44
00:06:22,281 --> 00:06:24,772
- And what is a motor?
- Beats the shit out of me.

45
00:06:24,851 --> 00:06:27,684
Shots?

46
00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:29,619
King Looney would like
to see you, sir.

47
00:06:29,689 --> 00:06:31,179
King Looney,
your father-in-law.

48
00:06:31,257 --> 00:06:32,952
Your wife, the princess.

49
00:06:33,025 --> 00:06:35,892
Her father,
King Looney, sir?

50
00:06:35,962 --> 00:06:38,260
Oh, no.
She's fine with it!

51
00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:40,265
You're barbarian strippers!

52
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:42,893
You blow yaks
for a shiny pebble.
What the--

53
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:45,802
Thanks a lot,
Captain Cockblock.

54
00:06:45,872 --> 00:06:47,396
What is your deal,
anyway, dude?

55
00:06:47,473 --> 00:06:48,405
Don't you like tits?

56
00:06:48,474 --> 00:06:49,441
I like tits.

57
00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:50,806
You hate tits.

58
00:06:50,877 --> 00:06:53,141
- I love tits.
- No you don't.

59
00:06:53,212 --> 00:06:54,270
Yes, I do.

60
00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:56,038
Touché.

61
00:06:57,617 --> 00:06:59,380
(man chuckling)

62
00:06:59,452 --> 00:07:00,612
Awesomest.

63
00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:02,654
Girls, leave us.

64
00:07:02,722 --> 00:07:05,987
But not for too long.
These pills only last
for four hours.

65
00:07:06,058 --> 00:07:10,256
(Narrator)
King Looney, ruler over all
which he surveyed.

66
00:07:10,329 --> 00:07:12,490
and crazier than
a shit house rat

67
00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:15,056
with syphilis in his brain.

68
00:07:15,134 --> 00:07:16,658
It's good to be king,
isn't it, Sire?

69
00:07:16,736 --> 00:07:19,899
Oh, yes.
Yes, indeed.

70
00:07:19,972 --> 00:07:22,964
Awesomest, you're the son
I never had.

71
00:07:23,042 --> 00:07:24,771
What about Orlando?

72
00:07:24,844 --> 00:07:26,971
Orlando's a pussy
and I think he likes boys.

73
00:07:27,046 --> 00:07:27,740
Good point.

74
00:07:29,148 --> 00:07:30,240
So how's married life?

75
00:07:30,316 --> 00:07:31,783
You know Hottessa.

76
00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:33,250
Once a princess,
always a princess.

77
00:07:33,319 --> 00:07:34,786
Yeah, just like her mother.

78
00:07:34,854 --> 00:07:36,287
I think she's worried
you might name

79
00:07:36,355 --> 00:07:37,583
Orlando next in line

80
00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:39,022
to be king, Your Highness.

81
00:07:39,091 --> 00:07:40,615
Wouldn't he technically
be queen?

82
00:07:40,693 --> 00:07:42,456
(Awesomest laughing)

83
00:07:42,528 --> 00:07:44,496
That's good.

84
00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:46,429
(Looney)
Okay, let's get with it.

85
00:07:46,499 --> 00:07:48,626
I want you to join
Orlando in Greece.

86
00:07:48,701 --> 00:07:50,362
What's he doing
in Greece?

87
00:07:54,006 --> 00:07:58,375
I want you to help him
kiss their hairy Greek asses.

88
00:07:58,444 --> 00:08:01,106
And make sure he doesn't
piss them off,

89
00:08:01,180 --> 00:08:03,205
so they don't send
millions of guys

90
00:08:03,282 --> 00:08:06,183
over here to enslave us
and get weird
with our women.

91
00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:07,879
If I may.

92
00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:09,615
I can handle
this, sir.

93
00:08:09,689 --> 00:08:11,987
We don't need
to bother our
great general.

94
00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:13,286
I am a great general.

95
00:08:13,359 --> 00:08:14,849
- Yes you are.
- Yes I am.

96
00:08:14,927 --> 00:08:17,054
- I was being sarcastic.
- You were not.

97
00:08:17,129 --> 00:08:20,895
The fate of Troy
is in your hands,
Awesomest.

98
00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:23,128
Okay, Looney.
I'm on it.

99
00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:30,402
Forgive me, Sire, but
Awesomest can barely
handle himself.

100
00:08:30,476 --> 00:08:32,501
Are you sure he's ready
for such a mission?

101
00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:35,741
I mean, he's always had
the army and myself
to cover his ass.

102
00:08:35,815 --> 00:08:39,012
You forget.
When Awesomest was born

103
00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:41,645
the gods said he was
destined to be a legend.

104
00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:44,155
But Sire, I'm not
really sure that--

105
00:08:44,223 --> 00:08:45,850
We have the greatest
army in the world.

106
00:08:45,925 --> 00:08:47,722
How bad can he
fuck things up?

107
00:08:49,061 --> 00:08:49,789
Bad.

108
00:08:51,397 --> 00:08:53,524
(Narrator)
It was the first time

109
00:08:53,599 --> 00:08:55,897
Awesomest had been sent
on an important
mission alone.

110
00:08:55,968 --> 00:08:58,528
So he decided to talk it
over with his gold digging,

111
00:08:58,604 --> 00:09:00,765
bitch ass wife, Hottessa.

112
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,273
Like she knew what the fuck.

113
00:09:02,341 --> 00:09:04,036
Awesomest.

114
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:06,510
Get your head out of your
ass and listen to me.

115
00:09:06,579 --> 00:09:08,570
This is a good thing.

116
00:09:08,648 --> 00:09:11,344
Daddy has never given you
this much personal
responsibility.

117
00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:13,180
He must finally
be realizing

118
00:09:13,252 --> 00:09:15,345
that Orlando
is a total homo.

119
00:09:15,421 --> 00:09:17,946
And Troy can't have
a gay king.

120
00:09:18,024 --> 00:09:20,254
You know what this
means, Awesomest?

121
00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:24,854
If this works out,
he'll make you
King of Troy.

122
00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:29,061
And that means I will
get to be the queen.

123
00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:31,365
And we'll move
into the castle

124
00:09:31,437 --> 00:09:33,905
and have tons
of servants,

125
00:09:33,973 --> 00:09:38,034
and I get invited
to all the best parties.

126
00:09:38,110 --> 00:09:39,475
Don't fuck this up!

127
00:09:39,545 --> 00:09:40,739
No, I won't.

128
00:09:40,813 --> 00:09:42,440
Sounds great!

129
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:45,450
Ooo, maybe you and l
should have a little--

130
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:47,486
(clicks tongue)
celebration.

131
00:09:47,553 --> 00:09:48,918
(whistles cuckoo tune)

132
00:09:48,988 --> 00:09:50,785
We're married,
Awesomest.

133
00:09:50,856 --> 00:09:52,687
You have to
earn it first.

134
00:09:55,394 --> 00:09:56,452
Fat ass bitch.

135
00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:57,962
What was that?

136
00:09:58,030 --> 00:10:00,225
N-nothing. I was
talking about me.

137
00:10:00,299 --> 00:10:01,960
I'm-I'm fat.
I'm a fat man.

138
00:10:02,034 --> 00:10:03,558
I wanna work out for you.

139
00:10:03,636 --> 00:10:04,967
I wanna lose--
do yoga with you.

140
00:10:05,037 --> 00:10:06,402
Hot yoga with--
I love you.

141
00:10:08,507 --> 00:10:11,237
(narrator)
Meanwhile, the
self-proclaimed Greek god

142
00:10:11,310 --> 00:10:14,746
King Erotic, the most
ruthless king in the land.

143
00:10:14,814 --> 00:10:16,907
I mean, this guy was
a real prick,

144
00:10:16,983 --> 00:10:19,850
and weird in a
"Don't leave him
alone with kids"

145
00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:22,183
kind of way,
if you know what
I'm talking about.

146
00:10:22,254 --> 00:10:25,815
Anyway, he was about
to conquer the savages
from Thessaly.

147
00:10:25,891 --> 00:10:28,416
And after bringing Thessaly
under Greek rule,

148
00:10:28,494 --> 00:10:31,019
he would be the man.

149
00:10:31,097 --> 00:10:34,863
It is a good day
for the crows.

150
00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:39,166
(King Erotic)
And I hear they love
the taste of THESS-alians.

151
00:10:39,238 --> 00:10:40,603
Yes.

152
00:10:40,673 --> 00:10:42,038
Thes-SA-lians.

153
00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:43,769
That's what I said.

154
00:10:43,843 --> 00:10:46,334
No, you were accentuating
the wrong syllable.

155
00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:48,209
Whatever!

156
00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:50,214
I'm supposed to be
at an orgy in half-an-hour.

157
00:10:50,282 --> 00:10:52,216
I've pushed it back
four times already.

158
00:10:52,284 --> 00:10:56,118
So I'm going to be
a very generous
god-king here, okay?

159
00:10:56,188 --> 00:11:01,057
Rather than me
killing all of your men

160
00:11:01,127 --> 00:11:04,290
Iet's save some lives
and some time
and whatnot

161
00:11:04,363 --> 00:11:06,957
and do it
old school.

162
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:09,467
Your best fighter
versus mine.

163
00:11:09,535 --> 00:11:12,402
If my guy wins,
you submit to my rule,

164
00:11:12,471 --> 00:11:15,440
plain and simple.

165
00:11:16,742 --> 00:11:17,902
And if my guy wins?

166
00:11:19,078 --> 00:11:20,136
Then I'll leave.

167
00:11:20,212 --> 00:11:21,110
Really?

168
00:11:22,782 --> 00:11:25,046
You have my word.

169
00:11:25,985 --> 00:11:26,883
Deal.

170
00:11:26,952 --> 00:11:29,386
Ginormous!

171
00:11:36,328 --> 00:11:37,590
Jesus.

172
00:11:37,663 --> 00:11:40,257
How big was
his mama's vag?

173
00:11:40,332 --> 00:11:41,822
(narrator)
Not big enough.

174
00:11:43,402 --> 00:11:45,802
Testiclees.
(evil laugh)

175
00:11:52,344 --> 00:11:53,606
Testiclees?

176
00:11:55,915 --> 00:12:00,181
Ginormous has this effect
on many men.

177
00:12:00,252 --> 00:12:02,516
Where the fuck is he?
This is embarrassing.

178
00:12:02,588 --> 00:12:03,919
I mean, come on!

179
00:12:03,989 --> 00:12:05,616
I'm standing here
calling him,

180
00:12:05,691 --> 00:12:07,283
we're all here,
and he's not
answering me?

181
00:12:07,359 --> 00:12:08,485
I'm so tired of this.

182
00:12:10,529 --> 00:12:13,396
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I know your time
is important.

183
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:15,366
My time is important.

184
00:12:17,870 --> 00:12:19,565
(Narrator)
Testiclees.

185
00:12:19,638 --> 00:12:22,129
He was King Erotic's
greatest warrior

186
00:12:22,208 --> 00:12:25,041
and immortal among men

187
00:12:25,111 --> 00:12:28,638
and kind of a pussy-lipped
bitch at the same time.

188
00:12:28,714 --> 00:12:30,045
Me?

189
00:12:30,116 --> 00:12:31,515
Carbs?

190
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,712
Shit.

191
00:12:38,057 --> 00:12:39,752
(boy)
Testiclees.

192
00:12:39,825 --> 00:12:41,315
King Erotic wants
to see you.

193
00:12:41,393 --> 00:12:43,657
Tell your king
I'm not going anywhere

194
00:12:43,729 --> 00:12:45,890
until I'm finished
with my man-scaping.

195
00:12:48,901 --> 00:12:51,096
(narrator)
As legend had it,
when Testiclees was born

196
00:12:51,170 --> 00:12:53,104
a goddess dipped him
in a magical river

197
00:12:53,172 --> 00:12:55,732
that would make him
indestructible.

198
00:12:55,808 --> 00:12:58,242
But since she was
holding him by
his little baby balls,

199
00:12:58,310 --> 00:13:01,768
Testiclees' testicles
remained vulnerable
to the sword.

200
00:13:01,847 --> 00:13:03,906
(baby crying)

201
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:08,945
Testiclees.

202
00:13:09,021 --> 00:13:09,851
Your swords.

203
00:13:09,922 --> 00:13:10,854
(grunts)

204
00:13:12,424 --> 00:13:13,948
Are those stories
about you true?

205
00:13:14,026 --> 00:13:15,926
That I wax my ass?

206
00:13:15,995 --> 00:13:17,485
No.

207
00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:19,087
That I banged my mom
once by accident

208
00:13:19,165 --> 00:13:21,190
when we were
both wasted?

209
00:13:21,267 --> 00:13:23,701
What's the big deal?
We were both single.

210
00:13:23,769 --> 00:13:25,532
No, not that.

211
00:13:25,604 --> 00:13:28,038
This Ginormous guy.
Biggest guy I've
ever seen.

212
00:13:28,107 --> 00:13:29,699
I wouldn't want
to fight him.

213
00:13:29,775 --> 00:13:31,868
(sighs)

214
00:13:31,944 --> 00:13:36,142
That's why no one's
gonna remember
your name.

215
00:13:36,215 --> 00:13:38,547
I don't want to fight him
because I'm only
ten years old.

216
00:13:38,617 --> 00:13:42,212
Yeah.
Whatever, pussy.

217
00:13:42,288 --> 00:13:44,620
Yeah, well the only reason
you'll be remembered

218
00:13:44,690 --> 00:13:48,387
is because you're named
after what's inside my
ball sack, jerk off.

219
00:14:06,979 --> 00:14:10,142
(King Erotic)
Look who decided
to join us.

220
00:14:10,216 --> 00:14:11,683
Eat me.

221
00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:13,650
Why you gotta be
such a prima donna?

222
00:14:13,719 --> 00:14:16,449
You know what?
I don't need this shit.

223
00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:21,586
Testiclees, wait!

224
00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:23,821
Look at
the men's faces.

225
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:28,931
(Testiclees)
Good lord.

226
00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:30,935
(King Erotic)
You, and only you

227
00:14:31,003 --> 00:14:33,335
can send them back
to their pathetic families

228
00:14:33,405 --> 00:14:35,134
with one swing
of your sword.

229
00:14:39,411 --> 00:14:41,106
He's such
an asshole.

230
00:15:03,969 --> 00:15:04,958
You motherfucker!

231
00:15:08,274 --> 00:15:10,208
(screams in agony)

232
00:15:15,781 --> 00:15:17,146
Is there no one else?

233
00:15:18,884 --> 00:15:21,079
Is there no one else?

234
00:15:21,153 --> 00:15:23,678
Stop it, you dick.

235
00:15:26,392 --> 00:15:27,791
I didn't think so.

236
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:29,054
Who are you, soldier?

237
00:15:31,463 --> 00:15:33,431
Testiclees.

238
00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:35,990
The greatest warrior
that ever lived.

239
00:15:36,068 --> 00:15:37,558
And the humblest, too.

240
00:15:39,805 --> 00:15:40,794
Pussy.

241
00:15:42,741 --> 00:15:45,301
(narrator)
After conquering
the Thessalians

242
00:15:45,377 --> 00:15:48,835
King Erotic was now
an even bigger threat
to Troy.

243
00:15:48,914 --> 00:15:52,611
And so Awesomest met up
with his brother-in-law
Orlando

244
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:54,414
at Erotic's post
victory party

245
00:15:54,486 --> 00:15:56,317
to kiss Erotic's ass,

246
00:15:56,388 --> 00:15:58,856
but with no tongue,
because this silly fruitcup

247
00:15:58,924 --> 00:16:01,916
would probably
like that shit.

248
00:16:01,994 --> 00:16:07,955
On the behalf of myself
and my beautiful
young wife, Ellen,

249
00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:10,160
we welcome you
to Greece.

250
00:16:17,509 --> 00:16:18,874
Let us drink as friends!

251
00:16:18,944 --> 00:16:20,707
As friends!

252
00:16:20,779 --> 00:16:22,713
At least until
one of us fucks
the other over.

253
00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:26,776
Oh, no. No, no, no.
I'm kidding.

254
00:16:26,852 --> 00:16:27,580
It's a joke.

255
00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:31,284
(laughs)

256
00:16:31,357 --> 00:16:32,551
She gets it.

257
00:16:32,624 --> 00:16:34,353
(laughs)
You fucker!

258
00:16:34,426 --> 00:16:35,586
You fucker.

259
00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:52,134
Orlando.
That's Erotic's wife.

260
00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:54,304
I know that.

261
00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:57,076
Could you be
any less subtle?

262
00:16:57,149 --> 00:16:58,912
I could try.

263
00:16:58,984 --> 00:17:00,542
(Orlando)
Excuse me. Pardon me.

264
00:17:00,619 --> 00:17:02,143
I'm trying to rendevous
with Ellen.

265
00:17:02,221 --> 00:17:04,121
Fucking douche bag.

266
00:17:07,893 --> 00:17:10,191
(gasps)

267
00:17:10,262 --> 00:17:12,992
You shouldn't be here.

268
00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:16,523
That's what you said
last night.

269
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:19,366
Last night, I was
rolling on E.

270
00:17:19,438 --> 00:17:21,872
And the night before?

271
00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:24,568
I think I was
pretty drunk.

272
00:17:24,643 --> 00:17:27,544
(whispers)
Yeah, you were
pretty wasted.

273
00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:29,274
I've been messed up
all week.

274
00:17:29,348 --> 00:17:30,838
(whispers)
I know.

275
00:17:30,916 --> 00:17:35,683
This is the best
spring break ever!

276
00:17:35,754 --> 00:17:38,348
Oh, Orlando.

277
00:17:39,691 --> 00:17:41,352
(Ellen in distance)
Oh, oh!

278
00:17:41,427 --> 00:17:43,088
(gasping)
Oh, oh!

279
00:17:44,596 --> 00:17:49,761
Oh! Oh! Oh!
This boar is fantastic!

280
00:17:49,835 --> 00:17:51,530
(Ellen shrieking
in background)

281
00:17:53,605 --> 00:17:56,972
Orlando!
You're amazing!

282
00:17:57,042 --> 00:17:59,909
I would have never thought
of putting this with this.

283
00:17:59,978 --> 00:18:01,809
You have a real eye
for fashion.

284
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,575
Oh, my God, seriously?
You think? Really?

285
00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:06,482
Well, better than any man
I've ever met.

286
00:18:06,552 --> 00:18:08,816
Oh, I am so messed up
right now,

287
00:18:08,887 --> 00:18:11,287
but I love
hanging out with you!

288
00:18:11,356 --> 00:18:12,948
Me too!

289
00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:15,425
I have the best idea.
I have the best idea.

290
00:18:15,494 --> 00:18:18,486
You should come back
to Troy with me.

291
00:18:18,564 --> 00:18:21,226
Okay-dokey.
Let's not get crazy.

292
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:23,097
I'm serious.
It would be
so much fun.

293
00:18:23,168 --> 00:18:26,399
I have--
I have a huge
trust fund.

294
00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:27,666
How huge?

295
00:18:27,739 --> 00:18:29,297
It's pretty big.

296
00:18:29,374 --> 00:18:31,137
If you come back,
it will break the peace

297
00:18:31,210 --> 00:18:33,576
between Troy and Greece,
millions of men will die,

298
00:18:33,645 --> 00:18:35,340
the gods'll curse us,
we'll get burned alive.

299
00:18:35,414 --> 00:18:37,678
But it's been
a great week!

300
00:18:37,749 --> 00:18:39,341
It has.

301
00:18:39,418 --> 00:18:41,352
Plus, it'll keep my dad
from thinking that

302
00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:43,115
I like guys.

303
00:18:43,188 --> 00:18:44,951
What about the other day
when I caught you

304
00:18:45,023 --> 00:18:46,354
watching the guard pee?

305
00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:48,256
I mean, listen.
I'm definitely

306
00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:49,760
Iike, going through
some sort of

307
00:18:49,828 --> 00:18:52,695
experimental phase
right now?

308
00:18:52,764 --> 00:18:53,992
But I like chicks.

309
00:18:56,034 --> 00:18:57,092
No, I do.
I like chicks.

310
00:18:57,169 --> 00:18:59,034
I-- I like chicks.

311
00:18:59,104 --> 00:19:02,164
Especially chicks
with a keen sense
of style like you!

312
00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:03,435
Look at that!

313
00:19:03,509 --> 00:19:04,999
(laughs)
You're sweet.

314
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:06,704
So will you come back
with me, please?

315
00:19:06,778 --> 00:19:09,178
Please?
Pretty please?

316
00:19:09,248 --> 00:19:12,649
Well, it could be
kind of hot
to have a--

317
00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:17,212
war fought over me,
so... count me in.

318
00:19:17,289 --> 00:19:19,280
Yes! Yes!

319
00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:30,224
Hello, Mr. Awesomest.

320
00:19:30,302 --> 00:19:32,065
Hey, Orlando.

321
00:19:32,137 --> 00:19:34,401
Greeks sure know
how to party, huh?

322
00:19:34,473 --> 00:19:36,498
Yeah.

323
00:19:36,575 --> 00:19:38,133
I love you.

324
00:19:39,378 --> 00:19:40,538
Thanks.

325
00:19:40,612 --> 00:19:41,704
Do you love me, too?

326
00:19:41,780 --> 00:19:43,145
Where's this going?

327
00:19:43,215 --> 00:19:44,512
I have something
to tell you,

328
00:19:44,583 --> 00:19:45,880
and you need
to promise me

329
00:19:45,951 --> 00:19:47,680
that you won't
be mad, okay?

330
00:19:47,753 --> 00:19:49,744
So put up
your pinky

331
00:19:49,821 --> 00:19:51,254
and let's do
a pinky swear.

332
00:19:56,295 --> 00:19:57,523
Hi.

333
00:19:57,596 --> 00:19:58,893
Oh, shit.
Back to Greece!

334
00:19:58,964 --> 00:20:01,228
No, Awesomest!
Please wait.

335
00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:03,325
Hold on!

336
00:20:03,402 --> 00:20:06,735
I am in love
with her.

337
00:20:06,805 --> 00:20:08,898
Orlando, you've been
rolling on Ecstasy
for a week.

338
00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:10,066
You love everybody.

339
00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:11,700
That's totally true.

340
00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:13,870
But this one
is for real.

341
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:17,279
Orlando, when the Greeks
find out that Ellen
has gone missing

342
00:20:17,349 --> 00:20:19,112
they're going to shit.
Orlando.

343
00:20:19,184 --> 00:20:20,947
This is how wars
get started, man.

344
00:20:21,019 --> 00:20:23,453
If you take her back,
well then guess what, buddy?

345
00:20:23,522 --> 00:20:28,118
I'm going back, too,
because this is the
girl that I love.

346
00:20:28,193 --> 00:20:29,922
I love her and
I love you.

347
00:20:29,995 --> 00:20:31,724
Okay, you're still
rolling, aren't you?

348
00:20:31,797 --> 00:20:33,856
No. Yes!

349
00:20:33,932 --> 00:20:36,298
Look, man. I promised
your dad and Hottessa

350
00:20:36,368 --> 00:20:40,134
that I would be responsible
on this trip and keep the
peace with Greece. Okay?

351
00:20:40,205 --> 00:20:42,400
And I'm pretty sure your dad
knows that I was the one

352
00:20:42,474 --> 00:20:44,965
who got drunk and took
a shit in his sink, so
I can't fuck this up.

353
00:20:45,043 --> 00:20:47,273
Awesomest, please.

354
00:20:47,346 --> 00:20:50,213
Orlando, are you going to
let Troy get all fucked up
over some skank?

355
00:20:51,149 --> 00:20:51,638
(gasps)

356
00:20:55,988 --> 00:20:57,922
No, fuck it.
To Troy!

357
00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:59,617
We're going,
we're not going.

358
00:20:59,691 --> 00:21:01,215
You wanna make up
your mind, here?

359
00:21:05,564 --> 00:21:09,898
Daddy? This is Ellen.

360
00:21:09,968 --> 00:21:11,333
Ellen of Greece?

361
00:21:11,403 --> 00:21:14,668
No, not any more.
Ellen of Troy.

362
00:21:14,740 --> 00:21:16,264
Oh.
(kissing sound)

363
00:21:16,341 --> 00:21:18,332
I had no idea,
King Looney, I swear.

364
00:21:18,410 --> 00:21:23,074
Sound the horns!
My son's banging
a chick!

365
00:21:23,148 --> 00:21:25,173
(King Looney)
It's party time!

366
00:21:25,250 --> 00:21:29,516
Great news!
Welcome to Troy, my dear.

367
00:21:29,588 --> 00:21:31,749
Thank you, my king.

368
00:21:31,823 --> 00:21:35,691
Forgive me, Sire,
but this could mean war.

369
00:21:35,761 --> 00:21:38,423
Oh, fuck that.
Focus on what's important.

370
00:21:38,497 --> 00:21:42,194
My son's no pole smoker.
He don't gobble no goop.

371
00:21:42,267 --> 00:21:45,828
No, no sirree!
I love vagina.

372
00:21:45,904 --> 00:21:47,166
Vagina, vagina, vagina.

373
00:21:47,239 --> 00:21:48,638
My vagina.

374
00:21:48,707 --> 00:21:50,299
Her vagina.
The bearded clam.

375
00:21:50,375 --> 00:21:51,865
- The axe wound.
- Hey, the ole honey pot.

376
00:21:51,943 --> 00:21:53,604
- Hey, the love box.
- The ham wallet.

377
00:21:53,679 --> 00:21:56,147
- The beef curtain.
- The old fish taco.

378
00:21:56,214 --> 00:21:57,613
The bear trap.
The growler.

379
00:21:57,683 --> 00:21:59,708
The pair of flaps.

380
00:21:59,785 --> 00:22:00,809
The tuna tunnel.

381
00:22:00,886 --> 00:22:02,513
The penis place.

382
00:22:02,587 --> 00:22:05,522
Come on. Let's get
you settled in, my dear.

383
00:22:05,590 --> 00:22:10,027
Son, this is a triple A
piece of ass. Woo!

384
00:22:10,095 --> 00:22:13,155
(Narrator)
Meanwhile, King Erotic
prepared for war.

385
00:22:13,231 --> 00:22:16,132
But he needed the help
of his top earner,
Testiclees,

386
00:22:16,201 --> 00:22:18,362
who was training
with his cousin.

387
00:22:18,437 --> 00:22:22,498
Testiclees' Cousin
emulated Testiclees
in every way,

388
00:22:22,574 --> 00:22:23,905
except one way.

389
00:22:28,547 --> 00:22:30,071
Ow! Fucker.

390
00:22:30,148 --> 00:22:31,740
(laughs)
Come on,
Testiclees' Cousin.

391
00:22:31,817 --> 00:22:32,806
Take it like a man.

392
00:22:32,884 --> 00:22:34,875
Yeah. Come on.

393
00:22:34,953 --> 00:22:35,920
Testiclees.

394
00:22:38,123 --> 00:22:39,420
Testiclees's Cousin.

395
00:22:41,827 --> 00:22:43,385
What do you want?

396
00:22:43,462 --> 00:22:45,157
I want you to fight
the Trojans with us.

397
00:22:45,230 --> 00:22:46,993
What are we fighting
for this time?

398
00:22:47,065 --> 00:22:50,000
Their prince stole my wife
and dishonored Greece.

399
00:22:50,068 --> 00:22:53,231
(laughs)
Why should I care
about your whore wife?

400
00:22:53,305 --> 00:22:57,105
Because you will get
a lot of glory and people
will remember your name.

401
00:22:57,175 --> 00:23:01,111
And not just because
it's named after the scrotum.

402
00:23:01,179 --> 00:23:02,168
Glory, huh?

403
00:23:02,247 --> 00:23:03,612
Mm-hmm.

404
00:23:03,682 --> 00:23:05,274
How much glory
we talking about?

405
00:23:05,350 --> 00:23:06,942
Big. A lot.

406
00:23:07,018 --> 00:23:09,782
Like echoing throughout
eternity type shit.

407
00:23:09,855 --> 00:23:12,722
Yeah. You could have
a deli sandwich named
after you.

408
00:23:12,791 --> 00:23:15,954
Shut up,
Testiclees' Cousin.

409
00:23:16,027 --> 00:23:19,793
All right.
All right, I'm in.

410
00:23:19,865 --> 00:23:22,265
As soon as I get
my mother's permission.

411
00:23:26,705 --> 00:23:28,536
Milfia, your son
is here.

412
00:23:31,343 --> 00:23:32,139
Hi, Mom.

413
00:23:32,210 --> 00:23:33,370
Son.

414
00:23:34,546 --> 00:23:36,241
You look really hot.

415
00:23:36,314 --> 00:23:38,282
Thanks.

416
00:23:38,350 --> 00:23:41,376
(Narrator)
Even if she was my ma,
I'd fuck her.

417
00:23:41,453 --> 00:23:44,388
So you want my opinion
on whether you should
go to fight the Trojans.

418
00:23:44,456 --> 00:23:45,889
How do you
know that?

419
00:23:45,957 --> 00:23:48,790
A mother knows.

420
00:23:48,860 --> 00:23:51,761
If you go to Troy
and fight,

421
00:23:51,830 --> 00:23:53,764
you will have glory.

422
00:23:53,832 --> 00:23:55,094
(grunts)

423
00:23:55,167 --> 00:23:56,634
But you'll die.

424
00:23:56,701 --> 00:24:00,262
Yeah, I figured
as much.

425
00:24:00,338 --> 00:24:04,741
But if you stay here,
we could pretend to be
just friends.

426
00:24:04,810 --> 00:24:08,678
Mother and son,
whatever.

427
00:24:08,747 --> 00:24:11,341
And it can get
really hot,

428
00:24:11,416 --> 00:24:13,577
Iike the time we
both got tanked
on New Year's.

429
00:24:13,652 --> 00:24:18,021
Yeah, I'm not really
okay with that.

430
00:24:18,089 --> 00:24:19,989
I think I'm gonna go.

431
00:24:20,058 --> 00:24:22,185
But we're only
five years apart.

432
00:24:22,260 --> 00:24:25,423
Alexander the Great's
mother was six months
younger than him.

433
00:24:25,497 --> 00:24:28,523
Mom, two wrongs
don't make a right.

434
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:32,434
That depends on how wrong
you're willing to be.

435
00:24:32,504 --> 00:24:34,369
I want you inside me.

436
00:24:34,439 --> 00:24:35,997
I was inside you,

437
00:24:36,074 --> 00:24:37,701
for nine months.

438
00:24:37,776 --> 00:24:40,609
So you just fuck me
and chuck me.

439
00:24:40,679 --> 00:24:43,307
You son of a bitch.

440
00:24:43,381 --> 00:24:45,178
I can't believe you
screwed this up.

441
00:24:45,250 --> 00:24:46,979
Me? Oh, come on.

442
00:24:47,052 --> 00:24:48,849
Orlando's the one
that brought
the skank home.

443
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:50,319
Besides, your
dad's happy.

444
00:24:50,388 --> 00:24:52,151
You're the only one
who's pissed.

445
00:24:52,224 --> 00:24:54,818
My dad is out of his
fucking mind, Awesomest.

446
00:24:54,893 --> 00:24:57,453
Now he's going to think
Orlando isn't a fudgepacker

447
00:24:57,529 --> 00:24:59,497
and he's gonna
make him king.

448
00:24:59,564 --> 00:25:03,022
And you know what?
I just spent a fortune
on this crown.

449
00:25:03,101 --> 00:25:05,228
Oh, Hottessa.

450
00:25:05,303 --> 00:25:07,203
Look at the bright side.

451
00:25:07,272 --> 00:25:09,502
Once King Erotic finds out
that Orlando stole his wife,

452
00:25:09,574 --> 00:25:12,407
there won't be a kingdom
for anyone to be king
or queen of anyways.

453
00:25:14,813 --> 00:25:16,974
Oh, come on!

454
00:25:17,048 --> 00:25:20,142
You know, I bet Erotic
gets so much trim,
he won't even miss her.

455
00:25:22,487 --> 00:25:26,651
You had better
make this right.

456
00:25:28,827 --> 00:25:30,761
What do you want me
to do about it?

457
00:25:30,829 --> 00:25:33,593
Go ask the ephors
how to fix your mistake,

458
00:25:33,665 --> 00:25:36,566
and prove yourself
in my father's eyes.

459
00:25:36,635 --> 00:25:42,164
And if everything goes
according to plan,

460
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:46,176
I will finally let you
(whispers).

461
00:25:51,249 --> 00:25:51,806
Bye.

462
00:25:54,085 --> 00:25:56,417
(Narrator)
And so Awesomest went
to see the ephors.

463
00:25:56,488 --> 00:25:59,514
They were some gross,
diseased, low life
sons of bitches

464
00:25:59,591 --> 00:26:02,526
who claimed to consult
directly with the gods.

465
00:26:02,594 --> 00:26:04,528
Either that, or they were
just high as shit.

466
00:26:04,596 --> 00:26:05,961
Hi, ephors.

467
00:26:06,031 --> 00:26:08,556
Hello General
Awesomest Maximus.

468
00:26:08,633 --> 00:26:10,294
You guys look
really good.

469
00:26:10,368 --> 00:26:12,302
Looks like this is clearing
up since I saw you,

470
00:26:12,370 --> 00:26:14,201
especially that one
right there.

471
00:26:14,272 --> 00:26:16,672
Ow. Okay.
Not cool.

472
00:26:18,109 --> 00:26:19,303
Won't you come in?

473
00:26:28,386 --> 00:26:30,581
(Narrator)
The thing about
the ephors was

474
00:26:30,655 --> 00:26:33,215
you may not get
the answers you came for,

475
00:26:33,291 --> 00:26:35,418
but if you played
your cards right

476
00:26:35,493 --> 00:26:38,087
you might get
your balls drained.

477
00:26:38,163 --> 00:26:40,154
I mean, damn!

478
00:26:40,231 --> 00:26:41,755
So what's the deal here?

479
00:26:41,833 --> 00:26:43,300
These girls can only
channel the gods

480
00:26:43,368 --> 00:26:44,426
while you guys
are perving on 'em?

481
00:26:44,502 --> 00:26:46,663
Yep, basically.

482
00:26:46,738 --> 00:26:47,898
It's a pretty good
line of shit.

483
00:26:47,973 --> 00:26:50,100
Yes, that was
on me.

484
00:26:50,175 --> 00:26:52,507
Okay, good.
So let's get down
to brass tacks.

485
00:26:52,577 --> 00:26:54,670
I fucked over
King Erotic pretty bad.

486
00:26:54,746 --> 00:26:57,840
And now there's
probably gonna
be a big war

487
00:26:57,916 --> 00:27:00,350
and my wife's gonna
be super pissed.

488
00:27:00,418 --> 00:27:01,680
Yeah, so I need
your help.

489
00:27:01,753 --> 00:27:06,247
Let us consult
the Oracle.

490
00:27:27,078 --> 00:27:28,204
Ellen?

491
00:27:28,279 --> 00:27:29,678
(gasps)

492
00:27:29,748 --> 00:27:31,010
What the fuck
are you doing here?

493
00:27:31,082 --> 00:27:32,879
Please don't tell
Orlando.

494
00:27:32,951 --> 00:27:34,714
Wait a minute.
How'd you even
get this job?

495
00:27:34,786 --> 00:27:36,048
You've only been in Troy
an hour-and-a-half.

496
00:27:36,121 --> 00:27:37,850
Friend of a friend.

497
00:27:37,922 --> 00:27:41,824
(over loudspeaker)
Ellen, report to pole 3.

498
00:27:41,893 --> 00:27:43,986
Gotta go.
My turn on the pole.

499
00:27:44,062 --> 00:27:46,724
All right. Well, I guess
I'll just--I'll see you
at the castle.

500
00:27:46,798 --> 00:27:48,561
Anyway, I know her.
It's weird.

501
00:27:48,633 --> 00:27:50,726
She's kinda family.
I'll explain it.
Long story.

502
00:27:50,802 --> 00:27:51,791
Anyway, now what?

503
00:27:51,870 --> 00:27:53,132
Now what what?

504
00:27:53,204 --> 00:27:55,798
I need the gods'
guidance.

505
00:27:55,874 --> 00:27:58,900
Let us consult
the Oracle.

506
00:27:58,977 --> 00:28:00,740
The Oracle
just left.

507
00:28:00,812 --> 00:28:04,839
- There are others.
- Many others.

508
00:28:04,916 --> 00:28:05,814
How many?

509
00:28:05,884 --> 00:28:06,646
Like seven.

510
00:28:06,718 --> 00:28:07,207
Wow.

511
00:28:13,258 --> 00:28:15,818
I really should have
stayed in school.

512
00:28:15,894 --> 00:28:16,986
Poor thing.

513
00:28:17,062 --> 00:28:18,723
You know what I like.

514
00:28:18,797 --> 00:28:20,355
Do you really
want me to?

515
00:28:20,432 --> 00:28:21,421
Yes.

516
00:28:25,937 --> 00:28:27,268
Oh, yeah.

517
00:28:27,338 --> 00:28:29,329
Oh, my God.

518
00:28:29,407 --> 00:28:32,638
That's fucking sad
and gross at the same time.

519
00:28:37,816 --> 00:28:40,216
So what's the verdict?

520
00:28:40,285 --> 00:28:42,219
The verdict
about what?

521
00:28:42,287 --> 00:28:44,050
About what I'm
supposed to do

522
00:28:44,122 --> 00:28:46,283
to save Troy
from the Greeks.

523
00:28:46,357 --> 00:28:48,052
Right.

524
00:28:48,126 --> 00:28:49,787
That.
(both laugh)

525
00:28:49,861 --> 00:28:51,351
Really mature.
Great.

526
00:28:51,429 --> 00:28:52,555
No, I don't
want any.

527
00:28:52,630 --> 00:28:54,530
Pussy.

528
00:28:54,599 --> 00:28:59,434
The gods say you must
team up with a horse
with wings,

529
00:28:59,504 --> 00:29:03,304
and a owl
made of gold

530
00:29:03,374 --> 00:29:05,274
and you have to cut
the head off Medusa.

531
00:29:05,343 --> 00:29:06,571
(snickers)

532
00:29:06,644 --> 00:29:07,804
Who the fuck
is Medusa?

533
00:29:07,879 --> 00:29:09,278
No, no, no.

534
00:29:09,347 --> 00:29:10,871
He's just
fucking with you.

535
00:29:10,949 --> 00:29:12,917
Oh, ha. That's hilarious.
That's great.

536
00:29:12,984 --> 00:29:14,952
I have an idea.

537
00:29:15,019 --> 00:29:18,079
Pick a number between
1 and 10,000.

538
00:29:18,156 --> 00:29:19,418
What?

539
00:29:19,491 --> 00:29:20,981
He said,
"Pick a number--

540
00:29:21,059 --> 00:29:23,823
-I heard him.
-"between 1 and 10,000."

541
00:29:23,895 --> 00:29:25,157
Thank you
very much.

542
00:29:25,230 --> 00:29:27,664
Um, 300.

543
00:29:27,732 --> 00:29:29,723
300?

544
00:29:29,801 --> 00:29:31,291
Boom.

545
00:29:31,369 --> 00:29:33,667
That's it.

546
00:29:33,738 --> 00:29:34,898
What's it?

547
00:29:34,973 --> 00:29:37,737
Bro. Fuckin' nailed it.

548
00:29:37,809 --> 00:29:39,743
Nailed-- What are
you guys talking about?

549
00:29:39,811 --> 00:29:44,077
The gods say that
Awesomest Maximus

550
00:29:44,149 --> 00:29:48,279
must fight the Greeks
with 300 soldiers.

551
00:29:48,353 --> 00:29:50,787
Wait, 300 soldiers?

552
00:29:50,855 --> 00:29:52,948
versus King Erotic's
million man army.

553
00:29:53,024 --> 00:29:56,255
The gods say that
anybody can beat the Greeks

554
00:29:56,327 --> 00:29:57,851
with the whole
Trojan army.

555
00:29:57,929 --> 00:30:01,831
But only a real general,
fit to be king,

556
00:30:01,900 --> 00:30:05,199
can win with only
300 guys.

557
00:30:05,270 --> 00:30:06,532
That makes no sense.

558
00:30:06,604 --> 00:30:07,935
You make no sense.

559
00:30:08,006 --> 00:30:09,598
Are you challenging
the gods?

560
00:30:09,674 --> 00:30:11,608
Look, I just got
one question.

561
00:30:11,676 --> 00:30:16,670
Is it 300 including me
or 300 plus me, like
301 or 299?

562
00:30:16,748 --> 00:30:18,147
Dude, it's the gods.
Don't over think it.

563
00:30:18,216 --> 00:30:20,309
This is fucking
ridiculous.

564
00:30:20,385 --> 00:30:26,051
Oh, the gods also say
that their costumes
have to be super faggy.

565
00:30:26,124 --> 00:30:28,718
(idiotic laughing)

566
00:30:28,893 --> 00:30:30,261
Aa-oo!

567
00:30:30,261 --> 00:30:32,627
So? Don't they
look wonderful?

568
00:30:32,697 --> 00:30:36,133
Well, you don't got
enough gay shit
going on here?

569
00:30:36,201 --> 00:30:37,634
That's a good point.
We don't.

570
00:30:37,702 --> 00:30:38,464
I'll get on that.

571
00:30:43,942 --> 00:30:45,136
Gotcha!

572
00:30:47,045 --> 00:30:49,172
You wanna take those
long ass arms
off me?

573
00:30:49,247 --> 00:30:50,714
Excuse me?

574
00:30:52,550 --> 00:30:53,710
Fuck with me.

575
00:30:53,785 --> 00:30:55,150
You're coming
with me.

576
00:30:56,554 --> 00:30:57,851
Well, what do we
have here?

577
00:30:57,922 --> 00:30:59,753
I found him
hiding in a tree.

578
00:30:59,824 --> 00:31:03,487
I wasn't hiding.
I'm three foot tall,
you asshole.

579
00:31:03,561 --> 00:31:06,894
General, my name
is Minoritees.
At your service.

580
00:31:06,965 --> 00:31:11,197
(narrator)
Minoritees. His mom
actually called him that.

581
00:31:11,269 --> 00:31:13,703
Your mom actually
called you that?

582
00:31:13,771 --> 00:31:14,703
What a bitch.

583
00:31:14,772 --> 00:31:16,000
Yes, she is.

584
00:31:16,074 --> 00:31:17,564
I'm a son of Troy

585
00:31:17,642 --> 00:31:19,234
and I wanna help
kick some Greek ass.

586
00:31:19,310 --> 00:31:20,538
(shouts)

587
00:31:20,612 --> 00:31:22,170
That was cute.

588
00:31:22,247 --> 00:31:24,112
That's not cute.
Show him some respect.

589
00:31:24,182 --> 00:31:25,513
He's pretty tough
for a little guy.

590
00:31:25,583 --> 00:31:26,845
Thank you, General.

591
00:31:26,918 --> 00:31:28,852
My mother hid me
as a baby

592
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:32,947
but I spent my entire life
making myself one
with spear.

593
00:31:33,024 --> 00:31:34,719
(grunts)

594
00:31:34,792 --> 00:31:37,693
My God, that was
a nice thrust.

595
00:31:37,762 --> 00:31:38,694
And watch this.

596
00:31:40,431 --> 00:31:41,728
- You like that?
- I like it a lot.

597
00:31:41,799 --> 00:31:43,460
Nice moves.

598
00:31:43,534 --> 00:31:45,502
- Pretty good rhythm.
- Very good rhythm, yeah.

599
00:31:46,671 --> 00:31:48,434
Here, take this.

600
00:31:48,506 --> 00:31:49,700
What's this?

601
00:31:49,774 --> 00:31:51,742
I call it fried chicken.

602
00:31:51,809 --> 00:31:54,141
Try it.
It's fucking delicious.

603
00:31:56,447 --> 00:31:58,381
You know what?
It is fucking delicious.

604
00:32:00,018 --> 00:32:01,713
General Awesomest.

605
00:32:01,786 --> 00:32:04,448
We spotted the Greeks,
attacking by sea.

606
00:32:04,522 --> 00:32:06,319
Let's go get 'em.

607
00:32:06,391 --> 00:32:07,756
Hold on. You're not
coming with us.

608
00:32:07,825 --> 00:32:09,725
Why? Is it because
I'm black?

609
00:32:09,794 --> 00:32:11,659
What? No.

610
00:32:11,729 --> 00:32:13,321
What kind of asshole
do you think I am?

611
00:32:13,398 --> 00:32:14,956
No, of course not.

612
00:32:15,033 --> 00:32:16,057
It's because I'm
a little person?

613
00:32:17,535 --> 00:32:18,832
No, no.

614
00:32:18,903 --> 00:32:20,131
Well, what is it then?

615
00:32:24,842 --> 00:32:26,901
All right. It's because
you're black.

616
00:32:26,978 --> 00:32:29,242
You know what?
Fuck y'all.

617
00:32:29,314 --> 00:32:31,509
And especially you,
Awesomest.

618
00:32:31,582 --> 00:32:35,018
You watch your back.
And give me my fried
chicken back, motherfucker.

619
00:32:35,086 --> 00:32:35,950
Hey!

620
00:32:36,020 --> 00:32:36,645
(crunch)

621
00:32:37,488 --> 00:32:38,580
Shit.

622
00:32:38,656 --> 00:32:40,521
(Awesomest muttering)

623
00:32:40,591 --> 00:32:43,924
(Minoritees)
Fuck that! Big
honkey ass motherfucker!

624
00:32:43,995 --> 00:32:45,929
I think we should
prepare for battle, General.

625
00:32:45,997 --> 00:32:47,430
We're prepared.

626
00:32:47,498 --> 00:32:48,988
You don't have a helmet
or sword.

627
00:32:49,067 --> 00:32:50,762
My helmet is over there
in the weeds

628
00:32:50,835 --> 00:32:52,462
-and we got swords.
-You need that for battle.

629
00:32:52,537 --> 00:32:54,027
Why don't you
prepare for battle?

630
00:32:54,105 --> 00:32:55,936
(Orlando)
Should I prepare for battle?

631
00:32:56,007 --> 00:32:58,202
You don't prepare for battle.
You prepare for battle.

632
00:32:58,276 --> 00:33:00,335
- I'll prepare for battle.
- You will never prepare for battle.

633
00:33:00,411 --> 00:33:01,207
Prepare for battle!

634
00:33:01,279 --> 00:33:02,246
Oo-ah!

635
00:33:09,887 --> 00:33:11,821
My first fight.

636
00:33:11,889 --> 00:33:13,720
This is really exciting.

637
00:33:13,791 --> 00:33:15,850
Thanks for bringing
me, cousin.

638
00:33:15,927 --> 00:33:17,622
I'll make you proud.

639
00:33:17,695 --> 00:33:21,324
I'll be working on some
sick sword combo moves.

640
00:33:21,399 --> 00:33:24,232
There'll be dead
Trojans everywhere!

641
00:33:24,302 --> 00:33:27,066
Actually, you're gonna be
staying on the ship.

642
00:33:27,138 --> 00:33:28,901
Are you serious?

643
00:33:28,973 --> 00:33:31,339
I can't fight and watch
your ass at the same time.

644
00:33:31,409 --> 00:33:33,502
That is such bullshit.

645
00:33:33,578 --> 00:33:34,909
(whines)

646
00:33:40,051 --> 00:33:42,019
Testiclees?

647
00:33:42,086 --> 00:33:44,850
Are you sure you
don't want to wait
for everyone else?

648
00:33:44,922 --> 00:33:48,016
I mean, we're only
ten dudes on a boat, here.

649
00:33:48,092 --> 00:33:49,753
(snickers)

650
00:33:49,827 --> 00:33:51,158
(sighs)

651
00:33:51,229 --> 00:33:54,756
Look, yeah.

652
00:33:54,832 --> 00:33:58,359
There might be thousands
of them, with bows
and arrows,

653
00:33:58,436 --> 00:34:00,768
and they'll have a huge
strategic advantage over us

654
00:34:00,838 --> 00:34:04,535
because they'll be attacking
us from an elevated plain.

655
00:34:04,609 --> 00:34:07,737
And yeah. Our goal
of taking the beach

656
00:34:07,812 --> 00:34:09,939
might be easier to achieve
if we had waited

657
00:34:10,014 --> 00:34:13,575
for the thousand ships
behind us,

658
00:34:13,651 --> 00:34:17,382
but we're not just
ten dudes.

659
00:34:17,455 --> 00:34:19,787
We're ten tough dudes!

660
00:34:19,857 --> 00:34:21,757
(cheering)

661
00:34:21,826 --> 00:34:22,884
Am I right?

662
00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:25,520
Yeah!

663
00:34:25,596 --> 00:34:27,894
Do you know what's
beyond that beach?

664
00:34:27,965 --> 00:34:29,398
An open bar!

665
00:34:29,467 --> 00:34:31,059
No, but I like the way
you think.

666
00:34:31,135 --> 00:34:33,035
Hot Trojan ass?

667
00:34:33,104 --> 00:34:34,071
No.

668
00:34:34,138 --> 00:34:35,105
More gay shit?

669
00:34:35,173 --> 00:34:36,367
Who said that?

670
00:34:36,441 --> 00:34:37,373
Definitely him,
not me.

671
00:34:37,442 --> 00:34:38,374
So what then?

672
00:34:38,443 --> 00:34:40,035
Immortality!

673
00:34:40,111 --> 00:34:41,772
Take it!
It's yours!

674
00:34:41,846 --> 00:34:43,814
Yeah!

675
00:34:43,881 --> 00:34:45,576
All right, Testiclees.

676
00:34:45,650 --> 00:34:47,481
I really hate to be
that guy...

677
00:34:47,552 --> 00:34:49,110
Well, you're being
that guy.

678
00:34:49,187 --> 00:34:51,052
I'm trying to think
of things rationally.

679
00:34:51,122 --> 00:34:52,953
Whenever someone says,
"l don't want
to be that guy"

680
00:34:53,024 --> 00:34:54,787
then they're being
that guy.

681
00:34:54,859 --> 00:34:57,327
We are most likely
gonna be really
outnumbered.

682
00:34:57,395 --> 00:34:59,226
Don't you think
it'd be a good
idea if we waited

683
00:34:59,297 --> 00:35:00,821
to attack
with everyone else,

684
00:35:00,898 --> 00:35:02,957
just to give us
an advantage?

685
00:35:03,034 --> 00:35:05,935
So we don't suffer
heavy casualties to
our greatest fighters?

686
00:35:06,003 --> 00:35:07,903
Well, just remember.

687
00:35:07,972 --> 00:35:10,907
They'll remember your name
when you're gone.

688
00:35:10,975 --> 00:35:11,999
Who?

689
00:35:12,076 --> 00:35:12,974
They!

690
00:35:13,044 --> 00:35:13,976
Who's they?

691
00:35:14,045 --> 00:35:15,569
Other people.

692
00:35:15,646 --> 00:35:17,238
Why do I care
if people I've never met

693
00:35:17,315 --> 00:35:19,249
remember my name
after I'm gone?

694
00:35:19,317 --> 00:35:20,409
Dude, talk to your boy.

695
00:35:20,485 --> 00:35:21,645
- Bill?
- Jeff?

696
00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:22,743
- Bill?
- Jeff?

697
00:35:22,820 --> 00:35:23,809
- Bill?
- Jeff?

698
00:35:23,888 --> 00:35:25,287
He is Testiclees.

699
00:35:25,356 --> 00:35:26,948
He knows what he's doing.

700
00:35:27,024 --> 00:35:28,924
What could possibly
go wrong at this point?

701
00:35:28,993 --> 00:35:30,324
(Bill screams)
Oh, shit!

702
00:35:30,394 --> 00:35:31,691
(moans)

703
00:35:31,762 --> 00:35:33,855
Nice strategy, asshole.

704
00:35:33,931 --> 00:35:37,094
(arrows wooshing,
men moaning, thudding)

705
00:35:37,168 --> 00:35:38,999
Aw, shit.

706
00:35:39,070 --> 00:35:40,594
Shit, shit, shit.

707
00:35:40,671 --> 00:35:42,798
Dude, you were
totally right.

708
00:35:42,874 --> 00:35:44,671
I know.

709
00:35:44,742 --> 00:35:46,107
You don't have to
be a dick about it.

710
00:35:46,177 --> 00:35:47,940
I'm not being a dick.

711
00:35:48,012 --> 00:35:50,606
Just stay still.

712
00:35:50,681 --> 00:35:52,273
Walla!

713
00:35:52,350 --> 00:35:54,318
You are a work of art,
you are good to go.

714
00:35:54,385 --> 00:35:58,048
It's stylish, it's sexy,
but it's scary and
intimidating.

715
00:35:58,122 --> 00:35:59,487
It's really good.

716
00:35:59,557 --> 00:36:01,650
Yeah, all you need
is a dress.

717
00:36:01,726 --> 00:36:03,785
What was that?

718
00:36:03,861 --> 00:36:07,888
I said you should
address the men,
General.

719
00:36:07,965 --> 00:36:09,455
Most great generals...

720
00:36:09,534 --> 00:36:10,899
I'm a great general.

721
00:36:10,968 --> 00:36:12,333
Two seconds?
I'll be right back.

722
00:36:12,403 --> 00:36:14,234
Yeah, take your time.

723
00:36:14,305 --> 00:36:16,364
Yeah, cuz this
is going to take awhile.

724
00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:18,032
It's gonna be
that good.

725
00:36:18,109 --> 00:36:19,633
Looking forward to it.

726
00:36:19,710 --> 00:36:23,703
(Awesomest makes
repeated Pff sounds)

727
00:36:26,884 --> 00:36:28,351
Okay, boys?

728
00:36:28,419 --> 00:36:30,751
I'm not much
of a speech making guy,

729
00:36:30,821 --> 00:36:33,585
but here we go.

730
00:36:33,658 --> 00:36:36,354
I guess the big question is
why are we here?

731
00:36:36,427 --> 00:36:39,658
The truth is we could
probably just give up

732
00:36:39,730 --> 00:36:43,598
and run away
and live to see
another day.

733
00:36:43,668 --> 00:36:45,533
Oh, that rhymed.
(chuckles)

734
00:36:45,603 --> 00:36:47,093
(troops laugh)

735
00:36:47,171 --> 00:36:51,665
And yes, run
and you'll live.

736
00:36:51,742 --> 00:36:54,836
and you might actually
realize a lot of your
hopes and dreams

737
00:36:54,912 --> 00:36:58,348
and do some of the
pretty cool shit that
you've wanted to do.

738
00:36:58,416 --> 00:37:01,249
I mean, Hank, I know
you've been talking
now for a long time

739
00:37:01,319 --> 00:37:03,719
about going on
that fishing trip
with your daughter.

740
00:37:03,788 --> 00:37:05,585
Right?

741
00:37:05,656 --> 00:37:08,352
But if you die today, that's
never going to happen.

742
00:37:08,426 --> 00:37:11,953
And then your daughter
will grow up without
a father

743
00:37:12,029 --> 00:37:16,022
and she will probably become
a pailer at some crappy
strip club.

744
00:37:16,100 --> 00:37:20,469
You know, like some dude
twice your age dragging
his stinky, hairy junk

745
00:37:20,538 --> 00:37:23,735
across her titties
for two drachmas
and a compliment.

746
00:37:23,808 --> 00:37:25,799
(sighs)

747
00:37:25,876 --> 00:37:29,073
(Awesomest in distance)
She will probably feel
very alone.

748
00:37:29,146 --> 00:37:31,979
What the fuck
are you doing,
Orlando?

749
00:37:32,049 --> 00:37:34,074
What does it
look like I'm doing?

750
00:37:34,151 --> 00:37:35,618
I'm going to fight.

751
00:37:35,686 --> 00:37:37,881
Is the Trojan army
taking girls now?

752
00:37:37,955 --> 00:37:41,288
No, I'm a man
and this is what men do.

753
00:37:41,359 --> 00:37:44,226
I'm tired of my father
thinking I'm a pansy.

754
00:37:44,295 --> 00:37:45,455
Orlando, my boy.

755
00:37:45,529 --> 00:37:47,121
Yes, Daddy.

756
00:37:47,198 --> 00:37:51,066
My son, this is
the Trojan sword.

757
00:37:51,135 --> 00:37:55,799
As long as a Trojan
keeps it safe,

758
00:37:55,873 --> 00:37:58,000
the Trojans have
a homeland.

759
00:37:58,075 --> 00:38:00,305
But if you lose it
in battle,

760
00:38:00,378 --> 00:38:06,078
then we become a homeless,
dirty, wandering tribe
of savages.

761
00:38:06,150 --> 00:38:07,674
No pressure intended,
my boy.

762
00:38:07,752 --> 00:38:08,844
But can you handle it?

763
00:38:08,919 --> 00:38:11,649
Yes. Thank you, Dad.

764
00:38:11,722 --> 00:38:15,158
Now go and kill some
hairy ass Greeks!

765
00:38:16,994 --> 00:38:19,986
Guard? When he gets
his pansy ass killed,

766
00:38:20,064 --> 00:38:21,998
bring me that sword.

767
00:38:22,066 --> 00:38:23,431
Yes, Your Highness.

768
00:38:24,702 --> 00:38:26,499
Hey, Giuseppe!

769
00:38:26,570 --> 00:38:28,162
You always wanted to take
that pottery class.

770
00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:29,706
And--and learn to cook?

771
00:38:29,774 --> 00:38:31,867
Italian food! I cook
for everyone.

772
00:38:31,942 --> 00:38:35,343
Yeah! But now, instead
of spaghetti and meatballs

773
00:38:35,413 --> 00:38:37,745
it's gonna be spaghetti
and you're fucking dead!

774
00:38:46,457 --> 00:38:50,393
Erotic!
We gotta talk.

775
00:38:50,461 --> 00:38:52,326
So talk.

776
00:38:52,396 --> 00:38:54,159
What's with that
piece of shit tent?

777
00:38:54,231 --> 00:38:56,495
It's all we had
in the budget.

778
00:38:56,567 --> 00:38:57,966
You don't get it,
do you?

779
00:38:58,035 --> 00:38:59,696
When this is all
said and done,

780
00:38:59,770 --> 00:39:02,170
all they're going
to remember is
Testiclees.

781
00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:04,400
Oh, please!
You're just a soldier.

782
00:39:04,475 --> 00:39:07,342
I'm a god-king.
That's like two things.

783
00:39:07,411 --> 00:39:08,878
Is that right?

784
00:39:08,946 --> 00:39:10,846
Yes, that's right.
It's two things.

785
00:39:10,915 --> 00:39:12,906
Well then I'm out.

786
00:39:12,983 --> 00:39:17,477
Until you groan to have
Testiclees back?
You're on your own.

787
00:39:17,555 --> 00:39:21,150
Only King Erotic
can refer to himself
in the third person.

788
00:39:21,225 --> 00:39:22,590
Testiclees can too!

789
00:39:22,660 --> 00:39:24,321
Stop getting
in my face!

790
00:39:24,395 --> 00:39:25,862
What's the matter?
You got a problem

791
00:39:25,930 --> 00:39:27,522
with Testiclees
in your face?

792
00:39:27,598 --> 00:39:31,227
Well, not usually.
Just in this instance.

793
00:39:31,302 --> 00:39:32,826
(gasps)

794
00:39:32,903 --> 00:39:34,666
Now you can watch
Testiclees walk away.

795
00:39:34,739 --> 00:39:37,765
(whimpers)

796
00:39:37,842 --> 00:39:39,241
Come on,
Testiclees' Cousin.

797
00:39:39,310 --> 00:39:40,777
Let's go!

798
00:39:40,845 --> 00:39:43,143
King Erotic,
you're a douche bag.

799
00:39:45,349 --> 00:39:48,079
Take me to meet
the Trojan general!

800
00:39:51,789 --> 00:39:53,017
(whispers)
Hi.

801
00:39:53,090 --> 00:39:56,617
(whispers)
Hi.

802
00:39:56,694 --> 00:39:58,594
Is that the Trojan sword?

803
00:39:58,662 --> 00:40:00,789
It is. My Daddy
gave it to me.

804
00:40:00,865 --> 00:40:03,800
It's the reason
Troy has never
lost a war.

805
00:40:03,868 --> 00:40:05,426
I'm gonna be
a hero. Oh.

806
00:40:05,503 --> 00:40:07,130
(sword hits ground)

807
00:40:07,204 --> 00:40:08,694
Aw, this will be fun.

808
00:40:13,110 --> 00:40:16,477
Why did you draw
a dick on your face?

809
00:40:16,547 --> 00:40:18,913
It's not a dick.
It's a sword.

810
00:40:18,983 --> 00:40:20,575
Why does it
have balls?

811
00:40:20,651 --> 00:40:22,949
That's the handle.

812
00:40:23,020 --> 00:40:24,920
Whatever.

813
00:40:24,989 --> 00:40:31,053
Well, let's go see
how pissed this guy
really is, huh?

814
00:40:31,128 --> 00:40:33,494
We're so fucked.

815
00:40:33,564 --> 00:40:34,895
(neighing)

816
00:40:37,735 --> 00:40:39,726
Look, whatever you do.

817
00:40:39,804 --> 00:40:42,602
Don't let this guy know
how scared shitless
we are, okay?

818
00:40:42,673 --> 00:40:46,302
Oh, my God.
That chariot
is gorgeous.

819
00:40:46,377 --> 00:40:47,810
Yeah, it's
pretty nice.

820
00:40:56,053 --> 00:40:57,680
Hi, Erotic.

821
00:40:57,755 --> 00:41:00,349
We meet again,
Assomest.

822
00:41:00,424 --> 00:41:02,585
Actually, it's Awesomest
is my name, but--

823
00:41:02,660 --> 00:41:06,619
I came to reclaim
my property.

824
00:41:06,697 --> 00:41:08,289
Hey, bro? Not gonna
lie to you.

825
00:41:08,365 --> 00:41:09,855
Kinda creeping
me out right now.

826
00:41:09,934 --> 00:41:11,367
Ah, how about now?

827
00:41:11,435 --> 00:41:13,164
That feels kinda good,
thank you.

828
00:41:13,237 --> 00:41:15,535
This whole thing
has made me very tense.

829
00:41:15,606 --> 00:41:17,130
I can feel
the tension.

830
00:41:17,208 --> 00:41:18,800
You hold it
in your shoulders.

831
00:41:18,876 --> 00:41:20,935
That's what my massage
therapist told me.

832
00:41:21,011 --> 00:41:22,842
Can you do one
of those little
circular things?

833
00:41:22,913 --> 00:41:24,710
Oh, wow wow!

834
00:41:24,782 --> 00:41:27,842
(chuckles)
You sir, have the hands
of a god-king.

835
00:41:27,918 --> 00:41:29,545
I am a god-king.

836
00:41:29,620 --> 00:41:31,281
Well, that's why,
I guess.

837
00:41:31,355 --> 00:41:34,324
Doesn't Awesomest
look like a born leader?

838
00:41:34,391 --> 00:41:38,725
With me at his side,
he could become
a great king.

839
00:41:38,796 --> 00:41:40,730
We could produce
lots of healthy,
strong--

840
00:41:40,798 --> 00:41:41,822
Ellen?

841
00:41:41,899 --> 00:41:43,389
Yes, King Looney?

842
00:41:43,467 --> 00:41:45,162
Come sit on my lap
so I can fondle you

843
00:41:45,236 --> 00:41:48,399
while we watch Orlando
getting his ass kicked.

844
00:41:48,472 --> 00:41:51,407
Okay.

845
00:41:51,475 --> 00:41:54,638
Ooo, dear God
have mercy.

846
00:41:54,712 --> 00:41:58,978
That sure is a lot
of guys you brought.

847
00:41:59,049 --> 00:42:01,540
My archers
will block out the sun

848
00:42:01,619 --> 00:42:03,814
with their arrows.

849
00:42:03,888 --> 00:42:05,219
That's actually
preferable for me

850
00:42:05,289 --> 00:42:07,689
because I freckle
very easily.

851
00:42:07,758 --> 00:42:08,782
Oh.

852
00:42:10,928 --> 00:42:12,361
Look, I was thinking.

853
00:42:12,429 --> 00:42:15,091
Instead of all
of this war,

854
00:42:15,165 --> 00:42:17,497
maybe you and l
could just work
it out, you know.

855
00:42:17,568 --> 00:42:18,865
Dude to dude.

856
00:42:18,936 --> 00:42:20,767
If you get down
on your knees

857
00:42:20,838 --> 00:42:24,740
and kneel before Erotic,
and give Ellen
back to me,

858
00:42:24,808 --> 00:42:27,777
then I will only
enslave your men

859
00:42:27,845 --> 00:42:31,542
and rape your women twice.

860
00:42:31,615 --> 00:42:33,207
Once.

861
00:42:33,284 --> 00:42:35,514
We'll rape
the women once.

862
00:42:35,586 --> 00:42:37,019
You don't want
to wear them out.

863
00:42:39,623 --> 00:42:42,683
Never kneel.

864
00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:44,022
Sorry.

865
00:42:44,094 --> 00:42:45,857
A Trojan never kneels.

866
00:42:47,598 --> 00:42:49,896
Orlando,
what the fuck, man?

867
00:42:49,967 --> 00:42:52,060
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.

868
00:42:52,136 --> 00:42:53,728
What are you trying to do?
Suck his cock?

869
00:42:53,804 --> 00:42:55,704
I thought that was
what he wanted.

870
00:42:55,773 --> 00:42:58,606
How the hell could you
leave me for this?

871
00:42:58,676 --> 00:43:00,576
For this guy?

872
00:43:00,644 --> 00:43:04,273
I was banging half your guys
before I left, you asshole.

873
00:43:08,352 --> 00:43:11,378
You, come here.

874
00:43:11,455 --> 00:43:13,218
You fuck my wife?

875
00:43:13,290 --> 00:43:16,316
If you tell me the truth,
no harm will come to you.

876
00:43:16,393 --> 00:43:18,054
You fucked--
(drawing sword)

877
00:43:18,128 --> 00:43:21,495
(Awesomest)
Holy shit!

878
00:43:21,565 --> 00:43:22,998
Dude, you gotta chill.

879
00:43:23,067 --> 00:43:24,329
Please, can we just
talk this out?

880
00:43:24,401 --> 00:43:26,130
No more talking,
Assomest.

881
00:43:26,203 --> 00:43:27,670
It's time
for the killing
and the maiming.

882
00:43:27,738 --> 00:43:29,330
Although I love
this makeup job.

883
00:43:29,406 --> 00:43:31,567
Oh, I did that earlier
this morning.

884
00:43:31,642 --> 00:43:33,633
Oh, well. Kudos.

885
00:43:36,580 --> 00:43:39,845
You are going down.

886
00:43:39,917 --> 00:43:41,578
Let's do this!

887
00:43:44,488 --> 00:43:45,921
I think that went well.

888
00:43:45,990 --> 00:43:47,082
(sighs)

889
00:43:47,157 --> 00:43:49,148
Attack!

890
00:43:54,331 --> 00:43:56,128
(Narrator)
The stage was set

891
00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:58,134
forthe biggest battle
of all time.

892
00:43:58,202 --> 00:44:00,193
The Trojans had
the high ground.

893
00:44:00,270 --> 00:44:02,932
The Greeks had
way more guys.

894
00:44:03,007 --> 00:44:05,168
All that stood between Troy
and oblivion

895
00:44:05,242 --> 00:44:08,109
was Awesomest and his 300.

896
00:44:08,178 --> 00:44:10,271
Hold.

897
00:44:12,449 --> 00:44:15,612
Hold.

898
00:44:19,523 --> 00:44:22,458
Hold.

899
00:44:22,526 --> 00:44:24,016
They know to hold.

900
00:44:24,094 --> 00:44:25,959
They're still hundreds
of yards away.

901
00:44:26,030 --> 00:44:28,521
Constantly repeating yourself
is just fucking annoying.

902
00:44:28,599 --> 00:44:31,727
Look, dude.
I'm a general, so if I want
to say hold a dozen times

903
00:44:31,802 --> 00:44:34,566
I guess it just sucks
to be you because
that's the way it goes.

904
00:44:34,638 --> 00:44:38,540
I'm just saying,
the more you repeat yourself
the less importance it has.

905
00:44:38,609 --> 00:44:40,543
(mocking)
The less importance it has.

906
00:44:40,611 --> 00:44:42,203
I don't think
that's necessary.

907
00:44:42,279 --> 00:44:44,645
(mocking)
I don't think
that's necessary.

908
00:44:44,715 --> 00:44:46,182
(Quantas)
This isn't a good example.

909
00:44:46,250 --> 00:44:47,740
(mocking)
This isn't a good example.

910
00:44:47,818 --> 00:44:49,410
- I'm a jackass.
- You're a jackass.

911
00:44:49,486 --> 00:44:50,748
No I said,
"I'm a jackass."

912
00:44:50,821 --> 00:44:52,049
I said, "You're
a jackass."

913
00:44:52,122 --> 00:44:53,487
That's really mature.

914
00:44:53,557 --> 00:44:55,081
You're really mature.
Oh, shit!

915
00:44:55,159 --> 00:44:56,490
Now!

916
00:44:56,560 --> 00:44:57,549
(shouting)

917
00:44:57,628 --> 00:44:58,993
(armor clashing)

918
00:45:02,099 --> 00:45:03,657
Oops, sorry buddy.

919
00:45:03,734 --> 00:45:07,329
(armor clashing, yelling)

920
00:45:20,818 --> 00:45:22,308
(screams)

921
00:45:26,757 --> 00:45:27,621
(yells)

922
00:45:27,691 --> 00:45:29,522
(shouts)

923
00:45:31,095 --> 00:45:34,587
(laughing, taunting)

924
00:45:36,767 --> 00:45:40,362
(Quantas yelling)

925
00:45:40,437 --> 00:45:43,065
(yelling)

926
00:45:43,140 --> 00:45:44,539
Oh, my God.

927
00:45:47,511 --> 00:45:48,375
(Quantas yelling)

928
00:45:52,382 --> 00:45:54,646
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

929
00:45:54,718 --> 00:45:56,083
What are we
gonna do?

930
00:45:56,153 --> 00:45:57,450
We'll push them
off the cliffs.

931
00:45:57,521 --> 00:45:58,886
That gives me
an idea.

932
00:45:58,956 --> 00:45:59,945
Let's push them
off the cliffs.

933
00:46:00,023 --> 00:46:00,887
(shouting)

934
00:46:05,462 --> 00:46:07,896
(Awesomest)
We're pushing you
off the cliff.

935
00:46:07,965 --> 00:46:10,433
We're pushing them
off the cliff! Yeah!

936
00:46:10,501 --> 00:46:13,231
Keep pushing them
off the cliff!

937
00:46:19,343 --> 00:46:20,833
Yeah, we totally pushed
you off the cliff!

938
00:46:20,911 --> 00:46:22,071
We're Troy!

939
00:46:22,146 --> 00:46:24,011
Stop!

940
00:46:24,081 --> 00:46:26,242
You're pushing me
off the cliff. Whoa...

941
00:46:29,253 --> 00:46:31,118
(screams)

942
00:46:31,188 --> 00:46:33,247
Oops.

943
00:46:33,323 --> 00:46:37,419
Prob-probably dead.
Probably dead?

944
00:46:37,494 --> 00:46:38,256
Yeah?

945
00:46:38,328 --> 00:46:39,124
Yeah.

946
00:46:39,196 --> 00:46:41,357
(sighs)

947
00:46:42,199 --> 00:46:45,669
(Narrator)
The Trojans took the loss
of their general hard.

948
00:46:45,669 --> 00:46:50,606
♫ Awesomest was the best
Trojan ever born ♫

949
00:46:50,674 --> 00:46:56,806
♫ Awesomest, now he's dead.
Now it's time to mourn. ♫

950
00:46:56,880 --> 00:47:02,785
♫ Awesomest, what a guy.
Why did you have to die? ♫

951
00:47:02,853 --> 00:47:05,651
(crashing, strings popping)

952
00:47:05,722 --> 00:47:08,850
(Narrator)
Even Quantas lost his shit.

953
00:47:08,926 --> 00:47:13,829
♫ Awesomest Maximus,
good-bye. ♫

954
00:47:13,897 --> 00:47:15,728
(crying)

955
00:47:15,799 --> 00:47:19,132
It's all there was.
It isn't fair.

956
00:47:19,203 --> 00:47:23,333
(Narrator)
Hottessa took it
even harder.

957
00:47:23,407 --> 00:47:27,309
(sighs)
I was too hard
on him.

958
00:47:27,377 --> 00:47:30,835
Now I'll never
become queen.

959
00:47:30,914 --> 00:47:33,178
Here.

960
00:47:33,250 --> 00:47:36,879
This will take
your mind off it.

961
00:47:36,954 --> 00:47:40,355
Thank you.

962
00:47:40,424 --> 00:47:44,019
Oh, why?
(sobs)

963
00:47:44,094 --> 00:47:46,221
(Narrator)
King Looney was loonier
than ever.

964
00:47:46,296 --> 00:47:48,264
Wait, who was it
that got killed?

965
00:47:51,568 --> 00:47:54,765
(Narrator)
As was customary when
an army lost its leader,

966
00:47:54,838 --> 00:47:58,239
both sides agreed to
a 12-day truce.

967
00:47:58,308 --> 00:48:00,833
But being the trifling
asshole that he was,

968
00:48:00,911 --> 00:48:06,110
that didn't stop King Erotic
from looking high and low
for an advantage.

969
00:48:06,183 --> 00:48:07,673
You like?

970
00:48:07,751 --> 00:48:09,446
I like.

971
00:48:09,519 --> 00:48:10,577
Oh, I like.

972
00:48:10,654 --> 00:48:13,020
Awesomest was cruel

973
00:48:13,090 --> 00:48:15,285
and denied you.

974
00:48:15,359 --> 00:48:17,224
And was a little bit
racist, you know?

975
00:48:17,294 --> 00:48:20,695
Whereas I am generous.

976
00:48:20,764 --> 00:48:22,459
True that, man.
True that.

977
00:48:22,532 --> 00:48:25,968
If you tell me how
to penetrate the Trojan walls

978
00:48:26,036 --> 00:48:28,869
anything you want
you will have.

979
00:48:28,939 --> 00:48:30,873
A threesome.

980
00:48:30,941 --> 00:48:32,568
Yes.

981
00:48:32,643 --> 00:48:34,907
A foursome, with like,
all girls.

982
00:48:34,978 --> 00:48:36,536
(in a high voice)
Oh, yeah.

983
00:48:36,613 --> 00:48:39,582
You will be given
both daily.

984
00:48:39,650 --> 00:48:41,914
You will be given jewels
and drink.

985
00:48:41,985 --> 00:48:43,282
Look, you got me.
I'm in.

986
00:48:43,353 --> 00:48:45,321
The key to
getting in the--

987
00:48:45,389 --> 00:48:48,290
Beautiful morally casual men
will give you daily
ass play.

988
00:48:48,358 --> 00:48:49,655
Wait! What the fuck?

989
00:48:49,726 --> 00:48:51,250
Homey don't play that!

990
00:48:51,328 --> 00:48:53,125
I know. I know
what you are thinking.

991
00:48:53,196 --> 00:48:55,323
How can Erotic
be this kind?

992
00:48:55,399 --> 00:48:57,424
Listen, man. I don't
really go that way.

993
00:48:57,501 --> 00:48:59,093
You'll be given
golden showers,

994
00:48:59,169 --> 00:49:01,228
Dirty Sanchezes,
Roman helmets.

995
00:49:01,305 --> 00:49:02,829
Look, you had me
at jewels and drinks.

996
00:49:02,906 --> 00:49:04,100
You ain't had
to keep on going.

997
00:49:04,174 --> 00:49:05,732
But you can have it all!

998
00:49:05,809 --> 00:49:08,676
Space docking,
snow balling, bestiality,

999
00:49:08,745 --> 00:49:11,270
all the man juice
you can drink.

1000
00:49:11,348 --> 00:49:15,011
Six feet of Venetian blind
cord shoved right up
the pee-pee hole.

1001
00:49:15,085 --> 00:49:17,280
Wait! What the fuck?
Ain't nothin' going up
my pee hole!

1002
00:49:17,354 --> 00:49:18,821
Are you crazy,
motherfucker?

1003
00:49:18,889 --> 00:49:22,325
And let's not forget
the shocker!

1004
00:49:22,392 --> 00:49:25,088
The shocker? You can't
give no man the shocker.

1005
00:49:25,162 --> 00:49:29,690
Oh, yes you can.

1006
00:49:29,766 --> 00:49:31,597
Oh, shit.

1007
00:49:34,838 --> 00:49:36,703
(Narrator)
But little did
the Trojans know

1008
00:49:36,773 --> 00:49:38,536
their general wasn't dead.

1009
00:49:38,608 --> 00:49:40,371
Just a little lost.

1010
00:49:40,444 --> 00:49:43,504
For a big man, he was
a real good swimmer.

1011
00:49:43,580 --> 00:49:46,549
It had something to do
with mass and
displacement.

1012
00:49:46,616 --> 00:49:49,710
Anyway, Awesomest
was still alive.

1013
00:49:49,786 --> 00:49:51,253
Sort of.

1014
00:49:59,796 --> 00:50:00,626
(gasps)

1015
00:50:02,632 --> 00:50:04,896
Damn, dog.
I thought you was
dead for sho.

1016
00:50:04,968 --> 00:50:06,697
(heavy breathing)

1017
00:50:06,770 --> 00:50:08,203
Where am l?

1018
00:50:08,271 --> 00:50:09,795
Slave market.

1019
00:50:09,873 --> 00:50:11,500
This prick is about
to sell our asses.

1020
00:50:11,575 --> 00:50:14,635
Come on, buddy.
I give you good deal.

1021
00:50:14,711 --> 00:50:16,235
You must be Jewish.

1022
00:50:16,313 --> 00:50:18,178
Here, take this.

1023
00:50:18,248 --> 00:50:19,875
It'll take the pain away.

1024
00:50:19,950 --> 00:50:22,919
Trust me.
It's some good shit.

1025
00:50:22,986 --> 00:50:24,851
Easy, easy.

1026
00:50:24,921 --> 00:50:26,650
(man)
Hey, buddy.

1027
00:50:26,723 --> 00:50:28,554
Have a look
at my stock, huh?

1028
00:50:28,625 --> 00:50:30,183
We have
good deal today.

1029
00:50:30,260 --> 00:50:31,488
Two for the one
on the slaves.

1030
00:50:31,561 --> 00:50:33,188
But only today.

1031
00:50:33,263 --> 00:50:35,197
Hey! Motherfuckers!
Shit.

1032
00:50:35,265 --> 00:50:37,529
Take me to dinner before
you just grabbing asses.

1033
00:50:37,601 --> 00:50:38,533
(slapping)

1034
00:50:38,602 --> 00:50:39,000
Hey.

1035
00:50:41,004 --> 00:50:42,437
Mark of the Legion
of Troy.

1036
00:50:42,506 --> 00:50:43,700
He's a Spaniard.

1037
00:50:43,774 --> 00:50:45,071
No I'm not.

1038
00:50:45,142 --> 00:50:47,235
I don't even
speak Spanish.

1039
00:50:47,310 --> 00:50:49,778
Trust me, buddy.
I once banged girl
who said she was Lebanese,

1040
00:50:49,846 --> 00:50:51,507
it was complete bullshit.

1041
00:50:51,581 --> 00:50:53,208
She was a Spaniard.

1042
00:50:53,283 --> 00:50:55,114
Hola.

1043
00:50:55,185 --> 00:50:57,585
Como ay yama?

1044
00:50:59,956 --> 00:51:01,753
- I'll take 'em both.
- Deal.

1045
00:51:01,825 --> 00:51:03,053
Two for one, right?

1046
00:51:03,126 --> 00:51:04,991
(laughs)
Not for these.

1047
00:51:06,763 --> 00:51:09,288
I am Approximo.

1048
00:51:09,366 --> 00:51:14,736
And I bought you
so I could profit
from your death.

1049
00:51:14,805 --> 00:51:19,435
You're gonna live,
fight and die
for me.

1050
00:51:19,509 --> 00:51:21,409
And that's not
even the good news.

1051
00:51:21,478 --> 00:51:23,241
(laughs)

1052
00:51:23,313 --> 00:51:27,875
The good news is I got
you guys two for one,

1053
00:51:27,951 --> 00:51:29,646
so you were really cheap.

1054
00:51:29,719 --> 00:51:33,052
And I'm gonna make
a lot of money.
(laughs)

1055
00:51:33,123 --> 00:51:34,818
What an asshole.

1056
00:51:34,891 --> 00:51:36,324
He certainly is.

1057
00:51:36,393 --> 00:51:38,054
Anyway, it's
a lose-lose for you.

1058
00:51:38,128 --> 00:51:40,426
Well, hey man. I forgot
to introduce myself.

1059
00:51:40,497 --> 00:51:42,328
The name's
Awesomest Maximus.

1060
00:51:42,399 --> 00:51:43,832
(laughs)
Right.

1061
00:51:43,900 --> 00:51:45,458
And I forgot
to introduce myself.

1062
00:51:45,535 --> 00:51:47,162
I'm Julius
motherfuckin' Caesar.

1063
00:51:47,237 --> 00:51:48,829
You think
I'm lying?

1064
00:51:48,905 --> 00:51:51,169
No, bro.
I'm for real.

1065
00:51:51,241 --> 00:51:52,071
Check this out.

1066
00:51:52,142 --> 00:51:53,769
(gasps)

1067
00:51:53,844 --> 00:51:54,401
You see?

1068
00:51:57,147 --> 00:51:58,239
I did that myself.

1069
00:51:58,315 --> 00:51:59,942
I was fucking wasted.

1070
00:52:00,016 --> 00:52:02,348
If you're really
Awesomest Maximus

1071
00:52:02,419 --> 00:52:03,909
then what the hell
are you doing here?

1072
00:52:03,987 --> 00:52:05,352
You know what?
I'm not exactly sure.

1073
00:52:05,422 --> 00:52:07,253
The last thing I remember

1074
00:52:07,324 --> 00:52:08,985
my troops pushed me off
the edge of a cliff.

1075
00:52:09,059 --> 00:52:10,651
See? That's that bullshit.

1076
00:52:10,727 --> 00:52:12,126
No, it was totally
an accident.

1077
00:52:12,195 --> 00:52:13,628
It was racism, man.
All right?

1078
00:52:13,697 --> 00:52:15,187
Pushing motherfuckers
over cliffs?

1079
00:52:15,265 --> 00:52:16,254
You're trying to hold
a brother back.

1080
00:52:16,333 --> 00:52:17,664
Come on, man.

1081
00:52:17,734 --> 00:52:19,167
Anyway man, look.

1082
00:52:19,236 --> 00:52:21,261
Even if you're him,
you ain't him.

1083
00:52:23,406 --> 00:52:24,668
I'm sorry. Him?

1084
00:52:24,741 --> 00:52:25,901
Awesomest Maximus.

1085
00:52:27,911 --> 00:52:29,640
Okay, l--I don't follow.

1086
00:52:29,713 --> 00:52:31,112
Oh, my God.

1087
00:52:31,181 --> 00:52:32,307
All right.
Check it out, man.

1088
00:52:32,382 --> 00:52:34,350
Word on the street is

1089
00:52:34,417 --> 00:52:36,476
the real baby Awesomest
got dropped off a cliff
by accident

1090
00:52:36,553 --> 00:52:39,215
the priest found your fat ass
to pawn you off as
Awesomest

1091
00:52:39,289 --> 00:52:40,881
so he could cover
for himself.

1092
00:52:40,957 --> 00:52:42,549
(man)
Bring out the future
baby general!

1093
00:52:42,626 --> 00:52:44,059
(second man)
Yeah, we want to see him!

1094
00:52:44,127 --> 00:52:46,186
(woman screams)

1095
00:52:46,263 --> 00:52:47,321
Shit!

1096
00:52:47,397 --> 00:52:48,728
(sighs)

1097
00:52:48,798 --> 00:52:50,322
(crowd chanting)
Awesomest!

1098
00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:51,958
Could I have this
for a second?

1099
00:52:52,035 --> 00:52:54,230
- No.
- Yes.

1100
00:52:54,304 --> 00:52:56,795
No, that's my baby!

1101
00:52:56,873 --> 00:52:58,602
(screams)

1102
00:53:01,077 --> 00:53:04,569
Awesomest!
Awesomest!

1103
00:53:04,648 --> 00:53:08,414
I present to you,
our future general,

1104
00:53:08,485 --> 00:53:10,749
Awesomest Maximus.

1105
00:53:10,820 --> 00:53:12,788
Come on!
Show us his junk!

1106
00:53:15,892 --> 00:53:18,918
You mean to tell me
that when I was a baby

1107
00:53:18,995 --> 00:53:20,394
I was dropped off a cliff?

1108
00:53:22,732 --> 00:53:26,759
Cliffs are ruining
my fucking life.

1109
00:53:26,836 --> 00:53:28,235
You're not listening,
are you?

1110
00:53:28,305 --> 00:53:30,330
All right.
Check it out. Look.

1111
00:53:30,407 --> 00:53:33,205
Everyone knows all
of Awesomest Maximus'
ancestors was hung

1112
00:53:33,276 --> 00:53:35,403
Iike Trojan horses, right?

1113
00:53:35,478 --> 00:53:36,570
What you packin'?

1114
00:53:36,646 --> 00:53:38,443
Hey. (laughs)
Okay.

1115
00:53:38,515 --> 00:53:41,245
No, no, no, dude.
Trust me, man.
I'm packin' it.

1116
00:53:41,318 --> 00:53:43,252
I mean, you know, it's--

1117
00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:45,880
If I'm excited.
If the girl is
pretty enough...

1118
00:53:45,956 --> 00:53:47,423
it's usually--I don't
know how to...

1119
00:53:47,490 --> 00:53:48,650
(sighs)

1120
00:53:50,660 --> 00:53:52,287
(neighing)

1121
00:53:52,362 --> 00:53:53,852
Oh, my God.

1122
00:53:53,930 --> 00:53:56,899
Hey, do I have
to separate you two?

1123
00:53:56,967 --> 00:53:59,697
Oh, my God.

1124
00:53:59,769 --> 00:54:01,293
No, no, no.
It wasn't
nothin' like that.

1125
00:54:01,371 --> 00:54:02,702
I'm explaining
something.

1126
00:54:02,772 --> 00:54:04,535
Do you mind
if I touch it?

1127
00:54:04,608 --> 00:54:06,542
Just to see
if it's real.

1128
00:54:06,610 --> 00:54:08,805
I'm Awesomest Maximus.

1129
00:54:08,878 --> 00:54:11,745
And I'm
Alexander the Great.

1130
00:54:11,815 --> 00:54:15,114
Man, there's always
a few in every bunch.

1131
00:54:15,185 --> 00:54:18,780
So you see, dog?
You just ain't
the real Awesomest.

1132
00:54:18,855 --> 00:54:21,050
I'm sorry I had to be
the one to tell you.

1133
00:54:21,124 --> 00:54:23,957
By the way,
my name's Jamal.

1134
00:54:24,027 --> 00:54:25,790
I think your dick
is on my foot, Jamal.

1135
00:54:25,862 --> 00:54:27,352
Oh, my bad.

1136
00:54:30,033 --> 00:54:33,901
(Narrator)
That evening, Awesomest
thought about all the shit

1137
00:54:33,970 --> 00:54:36,268
that happened to him
in his life.

1138
00:54:36,339 --> 00:54:40,799
And it was a very dramatic
moment for him.

1139
00:54:40,877 --> 00:54:42,367
Yo, Awesomest.
Watcha doin'?

1140
00:54:44,347 --> 00:54:45,678
Praying to the gods.

1141
00:54:45,749 --> 00:54:47,478
And what are you
praying for?

1142
00:54:49,753 --> 00:54:51,516
I need their help.

1143
00:54:51,588 --> 00:54:55,149
I have to
prove myself,

1144
00:54:55,225 --> 00:54:58,194
change my life,

1145
00:54:58,261 --> 00:55:00,456
become a true warrior.

1146
00:55:00,530 --> 00:55:02,430
Yeah, well. I want
a blowjob and
a ham sandwich,

1147
00:55:02,499 --> 00:55:04,262
but some shit
don't work out
the way you want.

1148
00:55:04,334 --> 00:55:05,266
You know what
I'm saying?

1149
00:55:05,335 --> 00:55:07,303
Attencione.

1150
00:55:07,370 --> 00:55:10,271
Hombres, por favor.

1151
00:55:10,340 --> 00:55:14,970
King Erotic has organized
some gladiator games

1152
00:55:15,045 --> 00:55:20,312
during the time of peace
in honor of the dead
general whatshisname.

1153
00:55:20,383 --> 00:55:22,351
And guess who
got the contract?

1154
00:55:22,419 --> 00:55:24,011
I got the fucking contract

1155
00:55:24,087 --> 00:55:26,453
because I'm the fucking man!

1156
00:55:26,523 --> 00:55:29,981
It's time to prove yourself,
change your life,

1157
00:55:30,060 --> 00:55:32,085
and become a true warrior.

1158
00:55:34,097 --> 00:55:38,591
But anyway, that means
you're going to Troy
to compete.

1159
00:55:40,804 --> 00:55:42,203
Nice.

1160
00:55:42,272 --> 00:55:43,899
Yeah, well don't get
so excited,

1161
00:55:43,973 --> 00:55:46,874
because you gotta go
to gladiator camp first

1162
00:55:46,943 --> 00:55:50,879
to sharpen your skills,
so you don't embarrass
my ass

1163
00:55:50,947 --> 00:55:53,040
in front of thousands
of people.

1164
00:55:53,116 --> 00:55:56,017
So pack your shit,
gentlemen.

1165
00:55:56,086 --> 00:55:57,951
Gracias, Señor!

1166
00:56:02,792 --> 00:56:06,694
Yo, gods. Can I get
a blowjob and
a ham sandwich?

1167
00:56:06,763 --> 00:56:09,027
Please?

1168
00:56:09,099 --> 00:56:11,932
(Narrator)
Jamal didn't get his blowjob
or his ham sandwich,

1169
00:56:12,001 --> 00:56:15,061
but he and Awesomest did
go to the gladiator camp,

1170
00:56:15,138 --> 00:56:18,005
where for the first time,
Awesomest would quit
fucking around

1171
00:56:18,074 --> 00:56:20,099
and take his training
seriously.

1172
00:56:26,583 --> 00:56:27,515
Fuck!

1173
00:56:29,753 --> 00:56:31,186
That's a tie!

1174
00:56:31,254 --> 00:56:32,949
That's a tie.

1175
00:56:33,022 --> 00:56:34,853
That's improvement!
You're improving.

1176
00:56:39,929 --> 00:56:42,363
Your cardiovascular
endurance is improving, too.

1177
00:56:43,967 --> 00:56:47,562
Run, you idiots!

1178
00:56:47,637 --> 00:56:53,041
(grunts)

1179
00:56:53,109 --> 00:56:55,441
(grunts, thud)

1180
00:56:56,946 --> 00:57:00,382
Good, good!
Now you gotta kill him!

1181
00:57:00,450 --> 00:57:01,474
Huh?

1182
00:57:01,551 --> 00:57:02,575
Kill him!

1183
00:57:02,652 --> 00:57:03,550
(grunts)

1184
00:57:03,620 --> 00:57:05,178
Yeah!

1185
00:57:06,055 --> 00:57:06,680
(gasps)

1186
00:57:08,024 --> 00:57:09,457
(thud)

1187
00:57:11,661 --> 00:57:12,889
That's it.

1188
00:57:17,634 --> 00:57:19,226
Now you're gonna
have to bury him.

1189
00:57:20,904 --> 00:57:22,633
We have no one else
to do it.

1190
00:57:22,705 --> 00:57:24,229
But good for you.

1191
00:57:26,676 --> 00:57:30,237
(trumpet fanfare)

1192
00:57:30,313 --> 00:57:32,781
Ladies and gentlemen!

1193
00:57:32,849 --> 00:57:34,749
Welcome

1194
00:57:34,818 --> 00:57:39,312
to an afternoon
of killing and maiming.

1195
00:57:41,758 --> 00:57:43,919
(crowd cheers)

1196
00:57:43,993 --> 00:57:45,722
Why don't you cut
that gay shit off?

1197
00:57:48,498 --> 00:57:52,127
This is sponsored
by King Erotic

1198
00:57:52,202 --> 00:57:55,797
and Approximo Productions.

1199
00:57:55,872 --> 00:57:58,932
Come on, Dad.
We're going to miss
the decapitation.

1200
00:57:59,008 --> 00:58:02,102
These gladiators
have been trained

1201
00:58:02,178 --> 00:58:06,672
to die horrible,
disgusting deaths

1202
00:58:06,749 --> 00:58:09,183
for your entertainment.

1203
00:58:09,252 --> 00:58:10,844
(cheering)

1204
00:58:12,355 --> 00:58:14,949
I like it when they
eat the people.

1205
00:58:17,760 --> 00:58:20,729
If any body parts
fly into the crowd,

1206
00:58:20,797 --> 00:58:24,790
you can keep them,
except the liver.

1207
00:58:24,868 --> 00:58:26,733
Hottessa.

1208
00:58:26,803 --> 00:58:31,069
If you can hear me,
I'm either dying today

1209
00:58:31,140 --> 00:58:33,233
or coming home
fit to be your king.

1210
00:58:33,309 --> 00:58:37,040
So keep me
in your thoughts.

1211
00:58:37,113 --> 00:58:38,512
Awesomest, you
smoke without me?

1212
00:58:38,581 --> 00:58:39,843
Not today, Jamal.

1213
00:58:39,916 --> 00:58:42,851
I have to stay focused.

1214
00:58:42,919 --> 00:58:45,353
And they're drug testing,
so you might want
to watch that shit.

1215
00:58:45,421 --> 00:58:46,718
- Shit. Word?
- Word.

1216
00:58:49,759 --> 00:58:51,590
Hey, what the--
Hey!

1217
00:58:51,661 --> 00:58:53,720
What kind of gladiator
are you, man?

1218
00:58:53,796 --> 00:58:54,888
I'm an accountant.

1219
00:58:58,468 --> 00:59:04,031
First up is a little
something I like to call

1220
00:59:04,107 --> 00:59:10,342
the Annihilation of Abacus,
the Accountant.

1221
00:59:14,250 --> 00:59:16,878
This guy screwed up
my books

1222
00:59:16,953 --> 00:59:19,183
and he is gonna pay.

1223
00:59:20,189 --> 00:59:21,588
(crowd moans)

1224
00:59:22,825 --> 00:59:24,952
(thud)

1225
00:59:25,028 --> 00:59:26,290
Oh, fuck!

1226
00:59:27,196 --> 00:59:28,026
Ha!

1227
00:59:31,968 --> 00:59:33,902
You won't see that
motherfucker
no mo'

1228
00:59:33,970 --> 00:59:35,369
Tickets.

1229
00:59:35,438 --> 00:59:36,928
I got two in front.

1230
00:59:37,006 --> 00:59:39,270
You can see blood
and guts, everything.

1231
00:59:39,342 --> 00:59:40,400
Can we, Dad?

1232
00:59:40,476 --> 00:59:41,534
We'll take two.

1233
00:59:41,611 --> 00:59:43,875
Get your beer here.

1234
00:59:43,947 --> 00:59:45,938
Can I have
a beer, Dad?

1235
00:59:46,015 --> 00:59:47,778
Are you nuts?
What kind of a parent
do you think I am?

1236
00:59:50,853 --> 00:59:54,721
Next we have
the chubby Spaniard

1237
00:59:54,791 --> 00:59:58,784
versus the Spumoni brothers
of Pompeii.

1238
01:00:00,630 --> 01:00:01,062
Woo!

1239
01:00:02,332 --> 01:00:07,269
(swords clashing, grunts)

1240
01:00:07,337 --> 01:00:08,998
(crowd cheers)

1241
01:00:15,211 --> 01:00:16,337
Yes!

1242
01:00:16,412 --> 01:00:18,312
That nigga got skills!

1243
01:00:18,381 --> 01:00:20,246
(crowd chanting,
indistinct)

1244
01:00:23,987 --> 01:00:24,919
(cheering)

1245
01:00:27,857 --> 01:00:31,088
Are you ready
for some football?

1246
01:00:31,160 --> 01:00:32,422
(cheering)

1247
01:00:35,999 --> 01:00:38,934
(indistinct)

1248
01:00:43,506 --> 01:00:44,438
Go, go!

1249
01:00:56,886 --> 01:00:58,615
(crowd cheers)

1250
01:00:59,589 --> 01:01:01,113
(thud)

1251
01:01:01,190 --> 01:01:02,714
(cheering)

1252
01:01:12,035 --> 01:01:14,503
Yeah!

1253
01:01:14,570 --> 01:01:17,300
(Approximo)
That's what we're here for.
The killing.

1254
01:01:17,373 --> 01:01:22,834
And the Spaniard looks like
he's gonna be the next
superstar,

1255
01:01:22,912 --> 01:01:25,676
so get your trading cards now.

1256
01:01:25,748 --> 01:01:29,741
This kid is gonna kill
right to the top.

1257
01:01:32,255 --> 01:01:33,244
Testiclees.

1258
01:01:33,322 --> 01:01:35,313
It's Testiclees.

1259
01:01:35,391 --> 01:01:36,415
Testiclees.

1260
01:01:40,596 --> 01:01:42,063
Oh, don't worry.
I got this.

1261
01:01:43,733 --> 01:01:44,927
I think.

1262
01:01:48,071 --> 01:01:49,663
He's my guy.

1263
01:02:00,516 --> 01:02:02,245
Fuck him up
you big motherfucker.

1264
01:02:04,687 --> 01:02:05,676
(crowd gasps)

1265
01:02:05,755 --> 01:02:07,017
What the fuck?

1266
01:02:07,924 --> 01:02:10,586
(thud)

1267
01:02:10,660 --> 01:02:12,525
I thought this asshole
was immortal.

1268
01:02:12,595 --> 01:02:15,462
Wow, gladiator camp
is the shit.

1269
01:02:16,799 --> 01:02:19,290
Are you not
entertained?

1270
01:02:19,368 --> 01:02:21,928
Are you not
entertained?

1271
01:02:22,004 --> 01:02:24,973
Is this not
why you're here?

1272
01:02:25,041 --> 01:02:26,872
Actually, I'm here
for the tiger mauling at 4.

1273
01:02:27,810 --> 01:02:29,607
Me too.

1274
01:02:29,679 --> 01:02:33,206
Okay, then let's just let
this be a lesson to you all

1275
01:02:33,282 --> 01:02:38,379
about the dangers of jumping
onto the field of play
during sporting events.

1276
01:02:38,454 --> 01:02:40,422
Who is this
masked man?

1277
01:02:40,490 --> 01:02:41,923
Especially you kids,
all right?

1278
01:02:41,991 --> 01:02:43,720
Tell Approximo
I want to meet him.

1279
01:02:53,069 --> 01:02:56,038
Drop your weapon.
King Erotic wants
to meet you.

1280
01:02:59,008 --> 01:03:00,839
Now look
chubby Spaniard.

1281
01:03:00,910 --> 01:03:02,468
Just Spaniard
actually is fine.

1282
01:03:02,545 --> 01:03:04,137
I'm not even crazy
about that, but...

1283
01:03:04,213 --> 01:03:06,738
Okay, well look.
You were terrific today

1284
01:03:06,816 --> 01:03:08,613
I mean, the way you
smash a head,

1285
01:03:08,684 --> 01:03:10,345
I mean, just really
nice stuff,

1286
01:03:10,419 --> 01:03:12,114
and I would like
to represent you.

1287
01:03:12,188 --> 01:03:14,156
I want to be
your representation.

1288
01:03:14,223 --> 01:03:16,453
That's a wonderful
offer, but can l
think about it?

1289
01:03:16,526 --> 01:03:18,494
Look, I could give you
any kind of grape you want.

1290
01:03:18,561 --> 01:03:20,256
Globe grapes,
Concord grapes.

1291
01:03:20,329 --> 01:03:21,353
Globes are nice.

1292
01:03:21,430 --> 01:03:23,193
You like blowjobs?

1293
01:03:23,266 --> 01:03:24,858
Who doesn't love
a good blowjob?

1294
01:03:24,934 --> 01:03:26,333
Ever have one
in the back of a chariot?

1295
01:03:26,402 --> 01:03:28,029
You know what? '
I have not.

1296
01:03:28,104 --> 01:03:29,628
I'm not that adventurous.
I'm a vanilla guy.

1297
01:03:29,705 --> 01:03:31,195
It's a little bumpy,
but still, it's--

1298
01:03:31,274 --> 01:03:32,332
Spaniard!

1299
01:03:34,777 --> 01:03:36,608
Take off your mask.

1300
01:03:36,679 --> 01:03:40,240
And anything else
if it makes you
more comfortable.

1301
01:03:47,123 --> 01:03:48,522
It's Awesomest.

1302
01:03:48,591 --> 01:03:49,990
(crowd whispers)
It's Awesomest.

1303
01:03:50,059 --> 01:03:51,890
My name is
Awesomest Maximus,

1304
01:03:51,961 --> 01:03:54,293
Commander of the world's
greatest super power,

1305
01:03:54,363 --> 01:03:57,992
husband to a hot,
pushy but sexually
enlightened wife,

1306
01:03:58,067 --> 01:04:01,400
and slayer to the
invincible Testiclees,

1307
01:04:01,470 --> 01:04:04,030
so yeah, I'm kinda the shit.

1308
01:04:05,875 --> 01:04:07,672
It's not Testiclees.

1309
01:04:07,743 --> 01:04:09,005
Huh?

1310
01:04:09,078 --> 01:04:11,308
He didn't kill
Testiclees.

1311
01:04:11,380 --> 01:04:14,042
He killed his cousin.

1312
01:04:14,116 --> 01:04:17,984
You killed me,
you fucker.

1313
01:04:18,054 --> 01:04:20,045
Jackass!

1314
01:04:20,122 --> 01:04:21,680
(crowd jeering)

1315
01:04:21,757 --> 01:04:24,749
No, no, no.
That--it was
a different--

1316
01:04:24,827 --> 01:04:27,057
He jumped in and he
was blond with...

1317
01:04:27,129 --> 01:04:29,063
Fuck. I'm sorry!

1318
01:04:29,131 --> 01:04:31,691
(moans in frustration)

1319
01:04:31,767 --> 01:04:33,234
Should we kill him,
my king?

1320
01:04:33,302 --> 01:04:37,261
No, I have another idea
for Assomest.

1321
01:04:37,340 --> 01:04:38,773
Awesomest.

1322
01:04:38,841 --> 01:04:41,401
What's the idea?

1323
01:04:41,477 --> 01:04:43,274
I'll tell you later.

1324
01:04:43,346 --> 01:04:45,940
You can't just
tell us now?

1325
01:04:46,015 --> 01:04:48,506
(sword strikes, gasp)

1326
01:04:51,420 --> 01:04:52,318
I tell you later.

1327
01:04:54,156 --> 01:04:57,683
(indistinct)

1328
01:04:57,760 --> 01:05:00,456
(cheers)

1329
01:05:00,529 --> 01:05:03,327
(ropes tightening,
grunting)

1330
01:05:05,835 --> 01:05:10,238
Cry mercy
and it will all end.

1331
01:05:10,306 --> 01:05:11,739
(Awesomest groaning)

1332
01:05:11,807 --> 01:05:12,501
Blow me.

1333
01:05:14,010 --> 01:05:15,910
You know I would,

1334
01:05:15,978 --> 01:05:20,881
but this is the time where
bad stuff happens to you.

1335
01:05:24,453 --> 01:05:25,044
What?

1336
01:05:28,124 --> 01:05:31,924
Sir, we have some news
from the arena.

1337
01:05:31,994 --> 01:05:33,825
I told you I didn't want
to be disturbed

1338
01:05:33,896 --> 01:05:37,093
unless Erotic groaned
to have Testiclees back.

1339
01:05:37,166 --> 01:05:40,624
As far as I know, there
hasn't been any groaning.

1340
01:05:40,703 --> 01:05:43,467
Well, it's your cousin, sir.
He--

1341
01:05:43,539 --> 01:05:45,973
He went dressed up as you
to the gladiator games

1342
01:05:46,042 --> 01:05:49,671
then he...

1343
01:05:51,480 --> 01:05:52,777
Spit it out!

1344
01:05:52,848 --> 01:05:55,078
We were
really tanked, and...

1345
01:05:55,151 --> 01:05:58,348
your cousin, he jumps
into the gladiator pit
on a dare

1346
01:05:58,421 --> 01:06:02,482
and this gladiator who
actually turned out
to be Awesomest...

1347
01:06:02,558 --> 01:06:03,820
You know the general
from Troy?

1348
01:06:03,893 --> 01:06:05,827
What happened
to my cousin?

1349
01:06:05,895 --> 01:06:10,298
Awesomest mistaked him
for you and cut
his head off.

1350
01:06:10,366 --> 01:06:12,425
(yells)

1351
01:06:12,501 --> 01:06:13,866
(slap, grunt)

1352
01:06:13,936 --> 01:06:15,801
(yells)

1353
01:06:15,871 --> 01:06:18,601
How could anyone
confuse me
for my cousin?

1354
01:06:18,674 --> 01:06:20,164
I'm five inches taller
than he is.

1355
01:06:20,242 --> 01:06:21,539
I've got better
bone structure.

1356
01:06:21,610 --> 01:06:23,475
I've got 16% less
body fat

1357
01:06:23,546 --> 01:06:26,106
and our muscle densities
aren't even close.

1358
01:06:26,182 --> 01:06:30,846
(pants)
Confused my cousin for me?

1359
01:06:30,920 --> 01:06:35,289
Awesomest, you're
a dead man.

1360
01:06:35,358 --> 01:06:36,689
(growls)

1361
01:06:36,759 --> 01:06:39,853
What do you want
to see next?

1362
01:06:39,929 --> 01:06:41,453
Fat lady!

1363
01:06:41,530 --> 01:06:44,693
(crowd chants)
Fat lady, fat lady!

1364
01:06:47,636 --> 01:06:49,695
(rap music)

1365
01:06:49,772 --> 01:06:51,239
That be some
big bitches.

1366
01:06:54,243 --> 01:06:55,733
(screams)

1367
01:06:59,382 --> 01:07:00,144
(cheering)

1368
01:07:08,791 --> 01:07:11,259
(screams)

1369
01:07:11,327 --> 01:07:12,055
Damn.

1370
01:07:14,930 --> 01:07:17,091
(screams)

1371
01:07:17,166 --> 01:07:19,031
Sit on his face!

1372
01:07:19,101 --> 01:07:23,470
Sit on his face!
Sit on his face!

1373
01:07:26,675 --> 01:07:28,074
(Awesomest screams)

1374
01:07:28,144 --> 01:07:30,874
Erotic, you sick
son of a bitch.

1375
01:07:30,946 --> 01:07:33,608
Please, just kill me!

1376
01:07:33,682 --> 01:07:38,210
(screams)

1377
01:07:38,287 --> 01:07:41,552
(screams)

1378
01:07:41,624 --> 01:07:44,525
Freedom!

1379
01:07:44,593 --> 01:07:48,529
(vomiting sounds)

1380
01:07:52,334 --> 01:07:54,029
This motherfucker's mine.

1381
01:07:54,103 --> 01:07:57,800
Oh no you don't,
you little glory hog.

1382
01:07:57,873 --> 01:08:00,205
You! Take him!

1383
01:08:00,276 --> 01:08:01,868
Let's go bitches.

1384
01:08:07,316 --> 01:08:08,010
(groans)

1385
01:08:18,961 --> 01:08:20,690
(shouts)

1386
01:08:28,871 --> 01:08:30,771
Look. Here comes
Awesomest.

1387
01:08:30,840 --> 01:08:31,568
Open the gates.

1388
01:08:39,415 --> 01:08:41,110
Somebody looking
for a general?

1389
01:08:41,183 --> 01:08:43,208
Awesomest!

1390
01:08:48,224 --> 01:08:50,419
This will not
be over quickly.

1391
01:08:50,493 --> 01:08:52,825
That would be a first.

1392
01:08:52,895 --> 01:08:56,126
And you will not
enjoy this.

1393
01:08:56,198 --> 01:08:57,756
That wouldn't.

1394
01:09:00,569 --> 01:09:05,939
(Narrator)
That night Awesomest received
a true hero's welcome.

1395
01:09:06,008 --> 01:09:08,374
His newfound strength
and staying power

1396
01:09:08,444 --> 01:09:12,073
drove Hottessa wild
with desire.

1397
01:09:16,218 --> 01:09:19,312
They were man and woman,

1398
01:09:19,388 --> 01:09:21,720
conqueror and conquered,

1399
01:09:21,790 --> 01:09:24,190
master and gimp

1400
01:09:30,199 --> 01:09:33,225
In the end, he moved
her soul, melted her heart,

1401
01:09:33,302 --> 01:09:36,703
and made her cum
a lot of times.

1402
01:09:42,211 --> 01:09:44,042
And vice-versa.

1403
01:09:52,655 --> 01:09:56,489
Hey, don't knock it
until you try it.

1404
01:10:00,129 --> 01:10:03,098
How could you idiots
let him escape?

1405
01:10:03,165 --> 01:10:06,498
Us? I'd say you were
a little culpable there.

1406
01:10:11,607 --> 01:10:13,700
(grunts and gasps)

1407
01:10:13,776 --> 01:10:16,836
Kinda forgot my place
there, didn't l?

1408
01:10:18,781 --> 01:10:25,084
We have to attack them
before they attack us.

1409
01:10:25,154 --> 01:10:28,453
But we still cannot
breach their walls.

1410
01:10:28,524 --> 01:10:31,357
Okay, look.
I'll help you out here.

1411
01:10:31,427 --> 01:10:34,521
And after thinking about it?
I'd even try a golden shower

1412
01:10:34,597 --> 01:10:37,430
one time, okay?
But I get to pick
the showerer.

1413
01:10:37,499 --> 01:10:40,798
Otherwise, it's twosome,
threesome, booze and jewels.

1414
01:10:40,869 --> 01:10:42,461
None of that
other bullshit.

1415
01:10:42,538 --> 01:10:44,403
Are you sure?

1416
01:10:44,473 --> 01:10:45,440
No man juice?

1417
01:10:45,507 --> 01:10:47,099
I'm sure.

1418
01:10:47,176 --> 01:10:48,404
Suit yourself.

1419
01:10:48,477 --> 01:10:50,570
Now here's
the big tip.

1420
01:10:50,646 --> 01:10:54,480
We gotta get a big
wooden dick and drag
it all the way up here.

1421
01:10:54,550 --> 01:10:56,381
Look at that.
Big ass fucker.

1422
01:11:03,692 --> 01:11:07,890
Some people send flowers,
some send wooden penises.

1423
01:11:10,399 --> 01:11:11,832
Shh, shh.

1424
01:11:12,968 --> 01:11:15,801
But it's real nice.

1425
01:11:15,871 --> 01:11:18,339
Artistically speaking,
not in any gay way.

1426
01:11:18,407 --> 01:11:20,341
Don't Hercules that joint.

1427
01:11:20,409 --> 01:11:22,843
(snickering)

1428
01:11:24,813 --> 01:11:28,010
(Ellen)
It reminds me of
a Macedonian I used to date.

1429
01:11:28,083 --> 01:11:31,246
Was his name Achmed?

1430
01:11:31,320 --> 01:11:32,048
Yes.

1431
01:11:33,689 --> 01:11:35,486
We gotta bring it
into the city.

1432
01:11:35,557 --> 01:11:37,684
We should bring
it into the city
and deal with it.

1433
01:11:37,760 --> 01:11:39,990
(snickering)

1434
01:11:40,062 --> 01:11:41,996
This could be a trap,
my king.

1435
01:11:42,064 --> 01:11:44,532
There could be Greeks
hiding in there,
ready to jump out

1436
01:11:44,600 --> 01:11:46,431
and kill us after
we bring it
into the city.

1437
01:11:46,502 --> 01:11:50,438
We should bring it
into the city and
deal with it.

1438
01:11:50,506 --> 01:11:51,996
(laughing)

1439
01:11:52,074 --> 01:11:53,939
My king, I urge you.

1440
01:11:54,009 --> 01:11:55,943
We should take it
and burn it.

1441
01:11:57,513 --> 01:11:59,208
You might be right,
Quantas.

1442
01:11:59,281 --> 01:12:02,512
But who am I to look
a gift cock in the mouth?

1443
01:12:02,584 --> 01:12:03,778
To the city.

1444
01:12:06,221 --> 01:12:08,519
(wheels creaking)

1445
01:12:10,125 --> 01:12:11,717
(crash)

1446
01:12:13,095 --> 01:12:14,619
Back it up!

1447
01:12:17,366 --> 01:12:19,095
And now push it in.

1448
01:12:22,771 --> 01:12:23,897
(crash, grunting)

1449
01:12:23,972 --> 01:12:25,963
Back it up again.

1450
01:12:26,041 --> 01:12:28,339
(wheels creaking)

1451
01:12:28,410 --> 01:12:30,241
And please push it
in again.

1452
01:12:30,312 --> 01:12:33,475
Do it a little slower.

1453
01:12:33,549 --> 01:12:36,074
Just ram it in
for fuck's sake.

1454
01:12:36,151 --> 01:12:37,584
(wheels creaking)

1455
01:12:42,057 --> 01:12:44,924
Yo, bro. I'm sorry
about your cousin, man.

1456
01:12:44,993 --> 01:12:46,255
We're cool, right?

1457
01:12:46,328 --> 01:12:50,594
No, no, it's um--
huh?

1458
01:12:50,666 --> 01:12:52,258
(laughing)

1459
01:12:52,334 --> 01:12:54,598
(wheels creaking,
ropes straining)

1460
01:12:54,670 --> 01:12:58,333
Oh, my God.
(sighs)

1461
01:12:58,407 --> 01:13:01,535
That was awesome.
(sighs)

1462
01:13:01,610 --> 01:13:03,601
I think you mean
Awesomest.

1463
01:13:03,679 --> 01:13:06,614
(laughs)
Yes.

1464
01:13:06,682 --> 01:13:09,845
I never knew
you had it in you.

1465
01:13:09,918 --> 01:13:11,749
Actually, I had it
in you.

1466
01:13:11,820 --> 01:13:12,752
(laughs)

1467
01:13:26,368 --> 01:13:29,462
I liked it when
you punched me in the face.

1468
01:13:29,538 --> 01:13:31,403
- Did you like that?
- I did. It was passionate.

1469
01:13:31,473 --> 01:13:32,599
How about a little
slap and tickle.

1470
01:13:32,674 --> 01:13:34,232
Awesomest!

1471
01:13:34,309 --> 01:13:36,436
The Greeks
have breached our walls.

1472
01:13:36,512 --> 01:13:37,979
What? How?

1473
01:13:38,046 --> 01:13:39,479
A giant penis.

1474
01:13:39,548 --> 01:13:41,982
Thank you. But how?

1475
01:13:42,050 --> 01:13:43,711
They're sacking
the city.

1476
01:13:43,786 --> 01:13:45,481
(gasp)
- Shit!
- Fuck!

1477
01:13:45,554 --> 01:13:47,317
(shouting, crowd noise)

1478
01:13:49,525 --> 01:13:50,924
You have done well,

1479
01:13:50,993 --> 01:13:52,824
my little friend.

1480
01:13:55,230 --> 01:13:56,891
Is your hand
up my ass?

1481
01:13:56,965 --> 01:13:57,932
No.

1482
01:13:58,000 --> 01:13:59,934
Maybe.

1483
01:14:00,002 --> 01:14:05,235
Man, get the fuck
off of me.

1484
01:14:05,307 --> 01:14:06,365
Erotic.

1485
01:14:08,811 --> 01:14:10,676
Kiss my black ass,
motherfucker.

1486
01:14:12,981 --> 01:14:15,779
Let's spare the soldiers'
lives and settle this
the old fashioned way.

1487
01:14:15,851 --> 01:14:18,285
Your best fighter
versus mine.

1488
01:14:18,353 --> 01:14:21,083
We win? You leave
Troy forever.

1489
01:14:21,156 --> 01:14:23,386
And if we win?

1490
01:14:25,160 --> 01:14:27,185
Then we submit
to your rule.

1491
01:14:27,262 --> 01:14:28,661
Deal.

1492
01:14:29,665 --> 01:14:30,689
Testic--

1493
01:14:30,766 --> 01:14:32,927
I'm right here.

1494
01:14:33,001 --> 01:14:35,196
You're either too late
or you're too early.

1495
01:14:35,270 --> 01:14:36,999
Your timing
is horrible.

1496
01:14:37,072 --> 01:14:38,699
Get over it.

1497
01:14:41,043 --> 01:14:43,409
And who is your
best fighter?

1498
01:14:45,180 --> 01:14:47,944
Orlando!

1499
01:14:48,016 --> 01:14:49,711
Just kidding!

1500
01:14:49,785 --> 01:14:51,480
Oh, my God.

1501
01:14:51,553 --> 01:14:52,952
I just shit
my pants.

1502
01:14:53,021 --> 01:14:54,318
You should have seen
your face.

1503
01:14:54,389 --> 01:14:55,720
I'm kidding.

1504
01:14:55,791 --> 01:14:56,883
I'm gonna fight him.

1505
01:14:56,959 --> 01:14:58,324
Great. Let's do this.

1506
01:14:58,393 --> 01:15:00,293
I got a loincloth
wax at three.

1507
01:15:06,935 --> 01:15:08,300
(laughing)

1508
01:15:08,370 --> 01:15:09,769
Woo-hoo-hoo!

1509
01:15:15,944 --> 01:15:16,876
Come on!

1510
01:15:16,945 --> 01:15:18,503
(shouts)

1511
01:15:18,580 --> 01:15:20,207
(screams)

1512
01:15:20,282 --> 01:15:21,715
(laughs)

1513
01:15:24,286 --> 01:15:27,915
I know, right?
This shit is sick!

1514
01:15:27,990 --> 01:15:30,254
You can't kill
the indestructible
Testiclees.

1515
01:15:30,325 --> 01:15:31,883
That's my boy.

1516
01:15:31,960 --> 01:15:34,292
I saw this going
differently in my mind.

1517
01:15:36,298 --> 01:15:37,788
(shrieks)

1518
01:15:39,735 --> 01:15:42,966
(shouting,
swords clanging)

1519
01:15:58,420 --> 01:16:00,615
Leave him alone,
Mr. Testiclees.

1520
01:16:02,024 --> 01:16:03,924
If you wanna deal
with someone,

1521
01:16:03,992 --> 01:16:05,823
then you deal
with me.

1522
01:16:08,797 --> 01:16:10,492
Oh, my God.

1523
01:16:19,041 --> 01:16:22,636
His name is
Testiclees

1524
01:16:22,711 --> 01:16:26,203
because his testicles
are his weakness.

1525
01:16:26,281 --> 01:16:28,442
Ain't that motherfucker
a genius?

1526
01:16:28,517 --> 01:16:30,041
(laughs)

1527
01:16:30,118 --> 01:16:31,415
(shouts)

1528
01:16:31,486 --> 01:16:33,113
(shouting,
swords clanging)

1529
01:16:38,393 --> 01:16:41,590
Time for Testiclees
to end this shit.

1530
01:16:41,663 --> 01:16:43,961
The end is near.

1531
01:16:44,032 --> 01:16:45,932
Oh. Oh, yeah.

1532
01:16:46,001 --> 01:16:47,730
Yeah, yeah.
That's it.
Take your time.

1533
01:17:31,713 --> 01:17:32,509
(crunch)

1534
01:17:32,581 --> 01:17:34,276
(groan)

1535
01:17:35,617 --> 01:17:37,949
(slimy sound)

1536
01:17:38,020 --> 01:17:41,080
(no sound, silence)

1537
01:17:43,125 --> 01:17:48,586
(silent)

1538
01:17:53,468 --> 01:17:55,629
(slimy sound,
creepy music)

1539
01:17:58,573 --> 01:18:00,438
(gasping, choking)

1540
01:18:02,911 --> 01:18:06,369
(hits the ground,
crying)

1541
01:18:06,448 --> 01:18:08,006
Oh, my balls.

1542
01:18:08,083 --> 01:18:10,142
Oh, my balls!

1543
01:18:11,086 --> 01:18:11,643
No!

1544
01:18:12,754 --> 01:18:13,982
Who's this chick?

1545
01:18:14,056 --> 01:18:15,853
Please. He's my
only son.

1546
01:18:15,924 --> 01:18:17,915
Dude, that's your mom?

1547
01:18:18,794 --> 01:18:20,227
Mommy.

1548
01:18:20,295 --> 01:18:21,819
Mommy.

1549
01:18:21,897 --> 01:18:24,661
Shh. Let me kiss it
to make it better.

1550
01:18:24,733 --> 01:18:28,726
Oh, my God.
That is so sweet.

1551
01:18:28,804 --> 01:18:31,272
There's nothing like
a mother's love.

1552
01:18:31,339 --> 01:18:33,000
(moaning)

1553
01:18:33,075 --> 01:18:35,669
(chanting)
Awesomest!

1554
01:18:37,679 --> 01:18:39,112
No!

1555
01:18:39,181 --> 01:18:41,672
This was supposed to be
my moment.

1556
01:18:41,750 --> 01:18:43,877
Greeks!

1557
01:18:43,952 --> 01:18:45,112
Trojans!

1558
01:18:45,187 --> 01:18:46,085
Ah-oo!

1559
01:18:48,123 --> 01:18:49,112
No, no! Wait!

1560
01:18:49,191 --> 01:18:51,216
Wait for what?

1561
01:18:51,293 --> 01:18:53,853
Awesomest, listen.
I know that he's a bit
of a meany pants.

1562
01:18:53,929 --> 01:18:55,362
Uh, a bit?

1563
01:18:55,430 --> 01:18:56,954
But he's just--
he's misunderstood.

1564
01:18:57,032 --> 01:18:58,522
No, I'm not.

1565
01:18:58,600 --> 01:19:00,067
Yes you are.
Don't you see?

1566
01:19:00,135 --> 01:19:01,864
All of this murdering
and enslaving,

1567
01:19:01,937 --> 01:19:04,531
it's you overcompensating.

1568
01:19:04,606 --> 01:19:05,470
Overcompensating?

1569
01:19:05,540 --> 01:19:07,030
Yes.

1570
01:19:07,109 --> 01:19:08,269
For what?

1571
01:19:08,343 --> 01:19:10,402
For who you
really are.

1572
01:19:10,479 --> 01:19:12,845
Right here.

1573
01:19:15,317 --> 01:19:19,811
It's true.
He sees right through me.

1574
01:19:19,888 --> 01:19:22,482
I know I see
right through you.

1575
01:19:22,557 --> 01:19:25,458
It's because l--
I love you.

1576
01:19:25,527 --> 01:19:26,551
I'm gay!

1577
01:19:31,533 --> 01:19:33,000
Shit, I knew it.

1578
01:19:33,068 --> 01:19:34,160
Wow.

1579
01:19:34,236 --> 01:19:36,295
Don't you understand?

1580
01:19:36,371 --> 01:19:38,430
Why do you think
that I took Ellen
in the first place?

1581
01:19:38,507 --> 01:19:40,168
I was trying
to make you jealous.

1582
01:19:40,242 --> 01:19:42,972
I mean, people died.
Things got a little crazy

1583
01:19:43,044 --> 01:19:45,308
and I feel bad about it,

1584
01:19:45,380 --> 01:19:47,507
but I was trying
to get a rise
out of you.

1585
01:19:47,582 --> 01:19:50,176
Oh, my God.
Why didn't you
just say something?

1586
01:19:50,252 --> 01:19:52,117
Because I didn't
know what to say.

1587
01:19:52,187 --> 01:19:54,155
Oh, me too.
I was so jealous
when you came to visit

1588
01:19:54,222 --> 01:19:55,917
and all the time you
were spending
with her.

1589
01:19:55,991 --> 01:19:57,424
I knew it!

1590
01:19:57,492 --> 01:19:59,153
Who cares about
being king of Troy?

1591
01:19:59,227 --> 01:20:00,785
Oh, girl. You can still
be the queen of Greece.

1592
01:20:00,862 --> 01:20:02,454
(laughs)

1593
01:20:02,531 --> 01:20:04,362
You know what?
Fuck Greece
and fuck you!

1594
01:20:04,432 --> 01:20:05,990
I mean, come on!

1595
01:20:06,067 --> 01:20:08,160
This whole war started
because you two--

1596
01:20:09,771 --> 01:20:11,932
faggots

1597
01:20:12,007 --> 01:20:13,338
wouldn't come
out of the closet?

1598
01:20:15,710 --> 01:20:18,440
I had to climb a mountain
and fell off a cliff.

1599
01:20:18,513 --> 01:20:19,980
I lived in a cage.

1600
01:20:20,048 --> 01:20:22,516
I got smothered
by greasy cellulite.

1601
01:20:22,584 --> 01:20:27,351
I even killed a special
needs kid, for what?

1602
01:20:27,422 --> 01:20:29,390
All right, look.

1603
01:20:29,457 --> 01:20:33,393
Erotic, if I let you live,
do you promise
to return home

1604
01:20:33,461 --> 01:20:35,861
and leave Troy
the fuck alone?

1605
01:20:35,931 --> 01:20:39,196
And Orlando. Do you promise
not to steal anyone
else's wife

1606
01:20:39,267 --> 01:20:41,827
or cost the lives
of thousands and
thousands of men.

1607
01:20:41,903 --> 01:20:43,302
Yes, I do.

1608
01:20:43,371 --> 01:20:44,963
Okay, that's just great.

1609
01:20:45,040 --> 01:20:47,406
Then by the power
vested in me

1610
01:20:47,475 --> 01:20:49,909
as the general
of the Trojan army

1611
01:20:49,978 --> 01:20:52,242
I declare this war over.

1612
01:20:52,314 --> 01:20:53,747
We win. You lose.

1613
01:20:53,815 --> 01:20:57,148
(chanting)
Awesomest!

1614
01:21:02,891 --> 01:21:04,916
I am so proud of you.

1615
01:21:04,993 --> 01:21:06,551
Thanks, babe.

1616
01:21:06,628 --> 01:21:09,529
I have some good news
and some bad news.

1617
01:21:09,598 --> 01:21:11,759
Okay, good news first.

1618
01:21:11,833 --> 01:21:13,596
Troy is safe.

1619
01:21:13,668 --> 01:21:17,104
You have become the man
I always knew you could be.

1620
01:21:17,172 --> 01:21:20,767
and I will get
to be the queen.

1621
01:21:20,842 --> 01:21:22,707
Fantastic.
What's the bad news?

1622
01:21:22,777 --> 01:21:25,905
I'm in love with Ellen
and she's moving in
with us.

1623
01:21:25,981 --> 01:21:27,915
Fantastic.
What's the bad news?

1624
01:21:31,987 --> 01:21:33,784
I always knew
you'd be into it.

1625
01:21:33,855 --> 01:21:35,789
What's the bad news?
Okay, bye.

1626
01:21:36,958 --> 01:21:39,119
So what'd he say?

1627
01:21:39,194 --> 01:21:40,752
You're in.

1628
01:21:40,829 --> 01:21:42,091
Yes!

1629
01:21:45,033 --> 01:21:46,295
Awesome!
Awesome!

1630
01:21:52,674 --> 01:21:55,040
(Narrator)
And so it was
that the wrong baby

1631
01:21:55,110 --> 01:21:56,975
became the right man.

1632
01:21:57,045 --> 01:21:59,309
A man who became a general,

1633
01:21:59,381 --> 01:22:01,645
a general who became
a legend,

1634
01:22:01,716 --> 01:22:05,812
a legend whose name will echo
not just through his time,

1635
01:22:05,887 --> 01:22:08,082
but through all time.

1636
01:22:08,156 --> 01:22:11,956
The legend
of Awesomest Maximus.

1637
01:22:12,027 --> 01:22:13,221
And that's
a true story.

1638
01:22:15,463 --> 01:22:17,488
But what's with
the stupid voice?

1639
01:22:17,565 --> 01:22:19,499
I just do that to make
it sound more important.

1640
01:22:19,567 --> 01:22:21,398
Please, are you
actually telling me

1641
01:22:21,469 --> 01:22:23,494
that you're buying
this guy's goat shit?

1642
01:22:23,571 --> 01:22:26,005
I mean, he's just trying
to get into our togas.

1643
01:22:26,074 --> 01:22:28,668
Listen, you bitch.
All this really happened.

1644
01:22:28,743 --> 01:22:30,267
It's a true story.
I'm gonna be the king.

1645
01:22:30,345 --> 01:22:32,779
And where is
your wife,
the queen?

1646
01:22:32,847 --> 01:22:35,611
Hottessa?
Probably back
at the castle.

1647
01:22:35,684 --> 01:22:37,174
We got a,
you know,
an understanding.

1648
01:22:37,252 --> 01:22:38,947
Kind of
an open thing.

1649
01:22:39,020 --> 01:22:41,250
Get a new line,
douche bag.

1650
01:22:41,323 --> 01:22:42,654
Come on.

1651
01:22:42,724 --> 01:22:44,123
I thought
he was kind of cute.

1652
01:22:44,192 --> 01:22:47,093
She's been drinking
on my tab...

1653
01:22:56,237 --> 01:22:59,434
(Narrator's voice)
The world's fate
is decided by legends,

1654
01:22:59,507 --> 01:23:01,873
men who are
larger than life,

1655
01:23:01,943 --> 01:23:03,877
whose tales of bravery...

1656
01:23:03,945 --> 01:23:06,243
(normal voice)
Oh, suck my
awesome balls.

1657
01:23:16,524 --> 01:23:20,358
General, sir. I have
underestimated you.

1658
01:23:20,428 --> 01:23:24,125
Today, you
have shown strength.

1659
01:23:24,199 --> 01:23:26,190
You have shown honor.

1660
01:23:26,267 --> 01:23:28,735
Today, sir, you
have come
a long way--

1661
01:23:28,803 --> 01:23:31,363
(snickers)
You said "come."

1662
01:23:31,439 --> 01:23:34,237
I'm trying to give you
the respect that
I believe--

1663
01:23:34,309 --> 01:23:36,004
I'm trying to give you
the respect--

1664
01:23:36,077 --> 01:23:37,408
- Are you repeating me?
- Are you repeating me?

1665
01:23:37,479 --> 01:23:38,844
We're going to
play that game?

1666
01:23:38,913 --> 01:23:40,039
We're going to
play that game?

1667
01:23:40,115 --> 01:23:41,582
You are by far...

1668
01:23:41,649 --> 01:23:42,911
You are by far
the worst general...

1669
01:23:42,984 --> 01:23:44,474
You're not even
a general.

1670
01:23:44,552 --> 01:23:46,144
- Unbelievable.
- What's unbelievable?

1671
01:23:46,221 --> 01:23:47,483
- I thought you'd changed.
- I have changed.

1672
01:23:47,555 --> 01:23:48,852
You haven't changed
a bit.

1673
01:23:48,923 --> 01:23:50,584
I changed
the fucking world.

1674
01:24:00,135 --> 01:24:01,727
My name's Edward Barbanell

1675
01:24:01,803 --> 01:24:04,670
and I approve this
Shakespeare monologue.

1676
01:24:04,739 --> 01:24:07,833
Oh, from you the fire.

1677
01:24:07,909 --> 01:24:10,104
(off screen)
Do you remember when
I cut Darren in half

1678
01:24:10,178 --> 01:24:12,544
all the way down
to his balls, right?

1679
01:24:12,614 --> 01:24:14,104
I visualized
the whole thing.

1680
01:24:14,182 --> 01:24:17,117
Really? I wouldn't
have known that.

1681
01:24:19,154 --> 01:24:21,349
(Minoritees)
Give me back my
fried chicken, motherfucker.

1682
01:24:21,423 --> 01:24:22,856
Hey, hey.

1683
01:24:26,694 --> 01:24:28,753
(laughs)

1684
01:24:31,766 --> 01:24:33,461
(off screen)
We're good
at musical chairs.

1685
01:24:33,535 --> 01:24:36,265
That's true. Most people
who win musical chairs

1686
01:24:36,337 --> 01:24:38,532
go on to kill and kill.

1687
01:24:38,606 --> 01:24:42,201
Is the--Jeff, I can't
do this. Come here.

1688
01:24:42,277 --> 01:24:44,245
I mean, this guy's
an amateur.

1689
01:24:44,312 --> 01:24:47,110
I've never even heard of
fucking The Revenge
of the Nerd.

1690
01:24:47,182 --> 01:24:50,982
A kingdom for a stage,
princes to act,

1691
01:24:51,052 --> 01:24:54,783
and monarchs to behold
the swelling scene.

1692
01:24:54,856 --> 01:24:59,725
Yeah! See?
(indistinct)

1693
01:24:59,794 --> 01:25:02,058
You need some
fucking therapy.

1694
01:25:02,130 --> 01:25:03,222
Freak.

1695
01:25:04,899 --> 01:25:08,300
(rhythmic hand clapping)
Let's go Trojans!

1696
01:25:08,369 --> 01:25:11,099
Between you and me, Your
Highness, Hottessa's
been on the rag.

1697
01:25:11,172 --> 01:25:13,766
Well, don't be an idiot.
That's natural.

1698
01:25:13,842 --> 01:25:16,106
Um, um. Just try
doggy fashion.

1699
01:25:16,177 --> 01:25:17,303
Some women
prefer it.

1700
01:25:17,378 --> 01:25:18,345
Check it out.

1701
01:25:22,584 --> 01:25:24,814
(screaming)

1702
01:25:25,720 --> 01:25:27,915
Ar-ar-ar.

1703
01:25:36,231 --> 01:25:38,096
(nonsense)

1704
01:25:38,166 --> 01:25:39,428
(sighs)

1705
01:25:42,570 --> 01:25:43,366
It's a burden.

1706
01:25:45,073 --> 01:25:46,768
This whole war
was started
because you two

1707
01:25:46,841 --> 01:25:47,705
Watch it.

1708
01:25:47,775 --> 01:25:48,799
(laughing)

1709
01:25:48,877 --> 01:25:50,777
Shit.

1710
01:25:52,447 --> 01:25:53,778
Is there no one else?

1711
01:25:53,848 --> 01:25:55,782
This is pushing my face.

1712
01:25:55,850 --> 01:25:57,374
(laughs)

1713
01:25:59,120 --> 01:26:01,020
Turning the accomplishment
of many years

1714
01:26:01,089 --> 01:26:03,148
into an hour glass.

1715
01:26:03,224 --> 01:26:07,786
and admit me, Chorus,
to this history.

1716
01:26:07,862 --> 01:26:12,890
Who, prologue-like, may
your humble patience pray,

1717
01:26:12,967 --> 01:26:16,698
kindly to judge, our play.

1718
01:26:16,771 --> 01:26:18,238
(off screen)
Great!

1719
01:26:18,306 --> 01:26:19,967
(applause and cheers)