1
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:48,113
Mac: Okay, it's happening.
It's spontaneous.
2
00:00:48,115 --> 00:00:50,482
This... who saw this coming?
I did not see this coming.
3
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:52,818
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, let's do it.
4
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:55,287
Okay. It's happening.
It's totally happening.
5
00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:56,455
Both: Whoo!
6
00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:59,491
What a twist.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
7
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,460
This is so spontaneous.
8
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:02,694
We're having sex
one minute...
9
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:04,163
Who knows what's
gonna happen next?
10
00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:05,564
Who knows what we'll be
doing in 10 minutes?
11
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:08,100
Okay.
This is crazy!
12
00:01:08,102 --> 00:01:10,669
I've never had sex
on a dining room chair
in my whole life.
13
00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:12,371
(Moaning)
This is amazing.
14
00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:13,672
I'm taking you to
boner town, bitch.
15
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:15,641
Don't call me "bitch!"
Okay. I'm sorry.
16
00:01:15,643 --> 00:01:18,143
I'm taking you to
boner town, love. Okay.
17
00:01:18,145 --> 00:01:19,812
(Continues moaning)
18
00:01:20,313 --> 00:01:23,315
Baby? Baby?
19
00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:24,183
She's totally
fucking looking at us.
20
00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:25,584
Hey, baby.
21
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:27,753
She knows
what's happening.
22
00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:29,855
She totally knows
what's happening.
23
00:01:29,857 --> 00:01:31,857
(Laughs) She can't
see anything. She
just sees shapes.
24
00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:34,760
She sees shapes
fucking each other,
is what she sees. She can...
25
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:36,628
She's fine.
She just sees shapes.
26
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:37,529
It's like bouncing balls.
27
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:39,298
My bouncing balls.
28
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:41,166
She's fine. She's fine.
You know what?
29
00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:42,267
Let me turn her around.
Let me turn her around.
30
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:44,603
Okay. Okay.
31
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,872
Hey, sweetie.
Hey, little girl.
32
00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:50,375
Gonna turn around now.
Gonna look at the wall now.
33
00:01:50,377 --> 00:01:51,710
Let's go.
34
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:53,812
Okay. There you go.
Love you, sweetie. Okay.
35
00:01:55,148 --> 00:01:57,216
Okay! Let's do it.
36
00:01:57,218 --> 00:01:58,350
We're back.
We're back in business.
37
00:01:58,352 --> 00:01:59,418
Okay. Okay.
38
00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:02,688
We are back.
It's happening. Okay.
39
00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:04,156
(Both moaning)
40
00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:07,693
Mac: Oh, God. She keeps
turning... turn around.
41
00:02:07,695 --> 00:02:09,895
Just look that way.
Just turn around.
42
00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,196
Why is she... okay.
43
00:02:11,198 --> 00:02:12,464
I think it's over.
44
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:13,765
We still did that.
45
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:16,401
Oh, I'm sorry.
Okay. We still did that.
46
00:02:16,403 --> 00:02:18,537
Hello.
47
00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:19,538
What are you doing
in your jumperoo?
48
00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:20,873
This never happened.
49
00:02:20,875 --> 00:02:22,741
We're gonna finish that.
We will finish that.
50
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:24,543
Fyi, we're gonna
do it in every room.
51
00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:26,578
And this time,
I'm going to ejaculate.
52
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:28,313
Just because we have
a house and a baby
53
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,748
doesn't mean that
we're old people.
54
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,416
No. Fuck old people.
55
00:02:31,418 --> 00:02:32,851
Old people don't
fuck like we just did.
56
00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:34,753
Baby, I nearly came.
57
00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:36,255
This is like
the Brady bunch.
58
00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:38,490
I know! What's
nice about the house
59
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:41,560
is that it looks like
every penny we have
is inside of it.
60
00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:42,794
So, at least
it looks like it.
61
00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:44,396
It's legitimate, right?
62
00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:45,764
Neighbors. Hey.
Hi.
63
00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:49,568
Hey.
Oh. Gay couple.
64
00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:51,436
There's a gay couple.
Gay couple.
65
00:02:51,438 --> 00:02:53,438
They seem like a nice couple.
They're so happy.
66
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,174
That's awesome!
Dream!
67
00:02:55,176 --> 00:02:56,808
It is. Well,
it's the second dream.
68
00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:59,912
First dream,
taco bell opens next door.
That would be fucking dope.
69
00:02:59,914 --> 00:03:01,780
Hi!
Hi!
70
00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:04,750
Hey. It's a fabulous
neighborhood.
71
00:03:04,752 --> 00:03:06,652
(Stella crying
on baby monitor)
72
00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:08,387
Oh, she's awake.
Really?
73
00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:09,955
She's awake.
Okay.
74
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:11,323
Okay.
Uh... well, bye.
75
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:12,491
Okay. Bye. Love you.
76
00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:13,358
Love you. Bye.
Have a good day.
77
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,459
Can I come?
78
00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:16,228
(Laughs) Kidding.
79
00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:18,230
No, we'll have a great day!
We'll have a great day.
Okay. Bye!
80
00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:19,631
I love you!
81
00:03:21,301 --> 00:03:22,901
Bill: Uh-oh. Mac attack.
82
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,236
Mac: Hey!
83
00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:25,337
Hey, there he is.
84
00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:26,438
Hey.
85
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:28,473
I need that
mendelson file by 4:00.
86
00:03:28,475 --> 00:03:30,242
Okay, yeah.
87
00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:33,312
And this is not your bro,
this is your boss talking.
(Chuckles)
88
00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:34,680
I'll have it to you
by 3:30. How's that?
89
00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:36,415
Mac!
Okay.
90
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:37,349
Mac!
91
00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:38,417
What?
92
00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:39,851
Wait. Hold on.
93
00:03:40,286 --> 00:03:41,553
Whoo!
94
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:42,688
Okay!
95
00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:46,525
(Panting) Oh, jeez,
it's so far.
96
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:50,762
Hey, we gotta go
work on that thing
we were discussing.
97
00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:52,864
What thing?
What's going on?
98
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:56,468
We have to go work
on that joint file.
99
00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:57,769
Of course. The joint file.
100
00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,004
You guys are
doing a joint file?
101
00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:01,940
Jimmy: Yeah. We're pretty
deep into it. It's tight.
102
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,809
It's pretty thick.
It's a big file.
103
00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:05,744
Pretty fat file.
It's dank.
104
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:10,315
Yeah, we gotta file that
for the thc corporation.
105
00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:11,783
Okay.
106
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:12,985
Because we are in the weeds.
107
00:04:14,854 --> 00:04:16,788
How's Stella?
She's a cute baby.
108
00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:18,624
It's nice.
109
00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:20,626
I think I realized for
the first six months,
everything is fucked.
110
00:04:20,628 --> 00:04:22,294
Everything changes completely.
Yeah.
111
00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:24,796
You're like,
"my life is over!
Everything's different!
112
00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:29,368
But now, I realize that
that's all gonna
go back to normal.
113
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:31,570
You sure about that?
She can start drinking soon.
114
00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:33,939
They make these little
strips that test your
tit milk for alcohol.
115
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,707
She puts them on her tits?
116
00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,643
Yeah,
she puts them on her tits.
Her tits are huge right now.
117
00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:39,344
Are they really?
But I can't touch them.
118
00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:40,879
She won't even
let me see them,
is what's fucked up.
119
00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:41,947
What?
When we have sex,
120
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,682
she leaves a wife-beater on.
121
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:45,484
It's like having sex
with Tony soprano.
122
00:04:45,486 --> 00:04:46,585
You're the goomah
in this situation.
123
00:04:46,587 --> 00:04:49,688
You are the only one
of our friends that
has a house and a kid.
124
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:51,657
Yeah.
125
00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:54,293
It's like you're,
like, 10 years older
than everyone, you know?
126
00:04:54,295 --> 00:04:55,460
You're divorced.
127
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,029
The point is...
128
00:04:57,031 --> 00:04:58,964
It's Jimmy time.
You know what I mean?
129
00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:00,599
And the girls,
when you're dating...
130
00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:02,034
Yeah?
Holy shit!
131
00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:04,002
See, we missed out
on the whole, kind of,
132
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,937
sex-tech bubble,
you know what I mean?
133
00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:10,709
Now they got sex book
and fuck friends and...
134
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:13,745
There's this
thing called grindr,
which is just...
135
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:15,814
Your phone beeps
when there's someone
horny near you.
136
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,516
It's kind of amazing.
137
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,818
It's mostly guys,
but I'm gonna find
a girl pretty soon.
138
00:05:21,621 --> 00:05:22,521
Jimmy: You're up.
139
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:23,822
Oh, oh! Oh!
140
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:24,956
Hey.
141
00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:26,024
What are you guys
doing out here?
142
00:05:30,697 --> 00:05:32,364
There are the girls.
Kelly: Hi.
143
00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:34,032
How's it going, sweetie?
Good.
144
00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:35,534
What's happening?
145
00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:36,968
There you go.
146
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,770
She's excited to see you.
147
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:40,706
Wait, wait. Hey.
148
00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:42,407
(Babbles)
149
00:05:45,111 --> 00:05:47,512
Man, parenting is easy.
Look at that!
150
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:48,714
Yeah, two hours a day.
151
00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:50,816
Yeah.
152
00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:54,486
This is delightful.
This is awesome,
this thing.
153
00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:55,921
We should get one of
these above our bed.
154
00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:57,122
(Cell phone ringing)
Both: Oh!
155
00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:04,629
Hello?
Hey!
156
00:06:04,631 --> 00:06:06,965
Oh, my God.
You guys have to
come out with me.
157
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:07,999
I haven't seen you
in forever.
158
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:12,404
Okay. My friend is spinning
at the royalton tonight.
159
00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:14,373
There's a rumor that
prince might perform.
160
00:06:14,375 --> 00:06:18,710
I have not been out
since Jimmy and I
got divorced
161
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,580
and I really need you
there. Please?
162
00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:23,048
How do we do this?
Do I call
the babysitter bunch?
163
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,383
I don't know about that.
Let's just...
164
00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:25,784
It's too late. We'll...
Okay.
165
00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:26,952
Why don't you drop it
at the fire station?
166
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:29,888
What are you talking about?
That's not how it works.
167
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,089
The baby drop.
168
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,424
Okay. No.
169
00:06:32,426 --> 00:06:35,794
you, like, lost
your sense of humor?
170
00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:40,599
I am using the little box in
the facetime to put makeup on.
171
00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:45,003
No. Who looks
at the other people
when they facetime?
172
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:48,039
Why are you guys not
coming out? Is fucking
Jimmy there? Jimmy?
173
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,775
No, Jimmy's not here.
174
00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:51,443
We don't have
a babysitter, so...
Yeah.
175
00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:53,979
Hello. Fucking
bring her.
176
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:55,147
(Scoffs)
177
00:06:55,149 --> 00:06:58,683
No...
178
00:06:58,685 --> 00:07:00,685
Yes?
179
00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:02,154
No. Yes?
180
00:07:02,156 --> 00:07:03,755
What are you doing?
What are you thinking?
181
00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:05,991
Let's just do it!
182
00:07:05,993 --> 00:07:07,626
This could be,
like, a doorway to
183
00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:09,194
a whole new life,
where we have it all.
184
00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:10,896
We have fun and a baby.
That's fantastic!
185
00:07:10,898 --> 00:07:13,698
This is the moment.
Let's do it. Okay.
I need to go out!
186
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:16,435
All right. I'm down.
Little chicken. Come on!
187
00:07:16,437 --> 00:07:18,203
Baby's first rave.
Baby's first rave.
188
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:19,771
Baby's first rave.
(Both imitating dance music)
189
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,540
Baby's first rave.
190
00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:22,641
Baby's first rave.
191
00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:25,043
(All imitating dance music)
192
00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:30,182
Baby's first rave!
Baby's first rave!
193
00:07:30,184 --> 00:07:32,517
(All continue imitating
dance music)
194
00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:35,053
Wait. Shit! Diaper bag!
It needs to be restocked.
195
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:38,924
You know what?
She needs an extra onesie
in case she craps herself.
196
00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:40,025
I think I better pump.
197
00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:44,629
She wants your necklace.
Give me your necklace.
Now, go pump.
198
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:45,797
We should get the cooler.
199
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:49,935
Wait. If we're bringing
the swing, let's just
bring the jumperoo.
200
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:51,603
We have room.
I think we have room.
201
00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:52,971
Butt paste.
I don't know where
the butt paste is.
202
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:55,640
Binky, binky, binky.
I don't know
where the binky is.
203
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:57,142
Binky's over here.
I got binky.
204
00:07:58,845 --> 00:08:01,179
(Babbling)
Huh?
205
00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:02,714
We fell asleep.
Let's go. Let's go.
206
00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:03,815
Okay, let's go.
We'll go now.
207
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:06,218
Wait. Shit!
Another video.
208
00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:09,488
Best night ever.
209
00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:11,256
Look at how much
food I just ordered.
210
00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:13,725
I'm not even hungry.
It's so wasteful!
211
00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:14,960
We missed it.
212
00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:16,928
Shit. Don't hit me.
213
00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:18,196
I'm so tired.
214
00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:19,898
I know.
Let's just go to sleep.
215
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:24,035
(Sighs) Tomorrow's
a new day.
216
00:08:24,971 --> 00:08:26,538
(Muffled) Love you.
217
00:08:28,908 --> 00:08:30,842
Good night.
Good night.
218
00:08:35,815 --> 00:08:36,915
(Farting)
219
00:08:37,817 --> 00:08:39,217
Excuse me. Sorry.
220
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:45,957
They're actually really
good. They taste
like vanilla, kinda.
221
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,225
They're awesome.
222
00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:49,561
Pudgie, what do
you got there?
223
00:08:49,563 --> 00:08:50,996
Moving truck.
Moving truck.
(Horn honking)
224
00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:52,797
There's a moving truck.
Wow.
225
00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:54,199
Who do you think... come on.
Oh, my God.
226
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,300
Look, look, look.
227
00:08:56,769 --> 00:08:58,003
What do we got?
228
00:08:58,804 --> 00:09:01,239
Gay couple? Gay couple?
229
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:02,974
What is this?
What are they doing?
230
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:04,576
(Indistinct conversations)
231
00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:05,677
And what are these kids
in the pink shirts?
232
00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:09,548
Kelly: Is that a fraternity?
233
00:09:10,316 --> 00:09:13,051
Yeah, they got
big Greek letters.
234
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,719
Looks like a fraternity.
235
00:09:15,821 --> 00:09:17,255
Oh, my God.
Look at that guy.
236
00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:19,291
That guy's the sexiest
guy I've ever seen.
237
00:09:19,293 --> 00:09:21,993
He looks like
something a gay guy
designed in a laboratory.
238
00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:24,329
Kelly: Look at his arms.
239
00:09:24,331 --> 00:09:26,698
Oh, my God.
They're like two giant,
veiny dicks.
240
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:27,933
It's like a gun show.
241
00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:29,734
Look at the blonde.
242
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,770
I don't see
which one you're...
243
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:35,907
That blonde dude
with the red sleeves?
He's a handsome guy.
244
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,976
What do we do?
Okay, okay.
I know what we do.
245
00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:39,311
They're gonna be loud,
obviously.
246
00:09:39,313 --> 00:09:40,345
And they're gonna
fucking party a lot.
247
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:42,247
Baby,
this is a fucking nightmare!
248
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:43,848
I agree.
We need to go over there.
249
00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:45,850
We need to fucking tell them
not to do that. Right now.
250
00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:47,586
As soon as they move in,
they know this
251
00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:51,856
And we're fucking grown-ups,
we have a baby,
and they need to be cool.
252
00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:53,758
They need to be
cool to us, okay?
Yeah, yeah.
253
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,360
But... okay, wait.
Maybe we don't come
on strong, though.
254
00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:57,228
Maybe we come on...
We act cool.
255
00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:59,164
We come on like peers.
Yeah. Yes.
256
00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:00,031
Totally, we be cool.
We take them a joint.
257
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:01,166
Yeah. We be cool.
258
00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:03,868
Roll them a spliff.
Give that to them.
259
00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:05,937
Then we seem cool.
They're thinking...
260
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,339
We're hip.
"Oh, they're like us.
261
00:10:07,341 --> 00:10:08,707
"This could be us
in a few years."
262
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:10,041
Yes, respect.
263
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,610
They'll want us to like them.
Yeah.
264
00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:14,079
Then we say,
"by the way, keep it down."
265
00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:15,780
Exactly. Well,
we won't say it like
that. We'll just...
266
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,716
No, of course not.
I'll say it.
Like, we'll just...
267
00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:20,819
You know, "keep it down."
268
00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:22,253
You're doing it
a little weird.
269
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:24,956
I'll throw it away.
Just throw it away.
270
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,391
Just like, you know,
"if you could
just keep it down."
271
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:28,026
Just say it normal!
I can get it!
272
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:29,227
It's an important,
key phrase here.
273
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:32,998
Okay, watch. I'm just
gonna do it like this.
274
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,933
"Keep it down."
275
00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:36,935
"Keep it down."
276
00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:38,036
Lift it! Come on!
277
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:39,304
Come on!
278
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,805
(Hip-hop music playing)
279
00:10:57,957 --> 00:10:59,658
Wicca-wazzup?
280
00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:01,826
Hey! How's it going?
Hey!
281
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:03,028
Are you our new neighbors?
We're your new neighbors!
282
00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:04,195
Yeah!
283
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:05,730
Both: All right!
284
00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:07,198
Teddy: What's up?
(Whooping)
285
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:10,001
I'm Teddy. This is Pete.
286
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,202
(All chattering excitedly)
287
00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:16,975
What's going on?
And who's this little lady?
288
00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:19,344
Oh, that's so sweet.
No one ever
knows she's a girl.
289
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:22,147
What? Of course she is,
because you're
a little princess.
290
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:23,048
So, you're
the little princess.
291
00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,349
You're a little...
292
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:26,451
Oh, she just scrunched
her little nose!
293
00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:28,219
So cute.
294
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:30,088
What's her name?
295
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:31,423
Stella.
Stella, yeah.
296
00:11:31,425 --> 00:11:33,858
That's the best name ever.
Are you kidding?
297
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,460
She's a little flirt.
298
00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:36,995
Oh, like her mom, I bet.
299
00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:38,363
Pete: Mmm.
300
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:39,831
Cool.
301
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:41,332
Anyway, just wanted
to let you guys know
302
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:44,703
that in this neighborhood,
we don't keep off the grass.
303
00:11:44,705 --> 00:11:46,071
What?
You know what I'm saying?
304
00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:47,138
No way!
305
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:49,040
Legalize it, y'all.
306
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:51,443
A joint. Thank you, guys.
307
00:11:51,445 --> 00:11:53,211
Also, if you could maybe,
just sometimes...
308
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,846
Keep it down!
309
00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:57,248
All right.
310
00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:58,983
Well, I mean, if you
guys ever need anything,
311
00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:01,352
or we get too noisy,
just talk to me,
or talk to Pete.
312
00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:02,887
We'll take care of it.
Same with us.
313
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,489
I mean, we get
pretty loud over there.
Yeah, yeah.
314
00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:06,191
Game of thrones,
we get loud.
315
00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:08,193
When khaleesi
comes on, I'm like...
(Both yelling)
316
00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:10,061
Yeah. It's crazy.
317
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,396
(Both laughing awkwardly)
318
00:12:13,265 --> 00:12:14,432
All righty.
Well...
319
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:15,734
Dope.
Pete: Cool.
320
00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:16,901
All right.
321
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:18,002
We're okay.
Cool.
322
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:19,838
Later!
See you, guys.
323
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,439
All right. All right.
Nice.
324
00:12:23,042 --> 00:12:24,309
Welcome to the neighborhood.
325
00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:26,144
Take it sleazy.
326
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:27,479
Girls: Bye, Stella!
327
00:12:30,816 --> 00:12:34,085
And now,
as president of delta psi...
328
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,987
And vice president,
we call...
329
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:39,424
Our first official meeting
in the new house to order.
330
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,359
All: Chivalry above self!
331
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:44,028
Much like scoonie's cock,
332
00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:46,931
this year is
going to be legendary.
333
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,800
(All cheering)
334
00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:50,001
I don't know if
you guys are aware,
335
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:52,771
but delta psi is
simply responsible
336
00:12:52,773 --> 00:12:55,273
for the most epic
party moments in history.
337
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,841
(Cheering continues)
338
00:12:56,843 --> 00:12:58,476
Gentlemen,
take a look at the wall.
339
00:12:59,545 --> 00:13:02,480
Travel back in time
with me to 1930.
340
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:08,153
Delta psi puts on
a production
of Julius Caesar.
341
00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:11,389
A girl in the audience
unexpectedly hands
one of our brothers a beer.
342
00:13:13,058 --> 00:13:16,161
And after that
one fateful sip,
343
00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:17,896
the toga party is born!
344
00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:19,164
Hold that gam
steady, Pete.
345
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:20,331
(All cheering)
346
00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:24,469
The year is 1971.
(1970s rock music playing)
347
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:28,072
The us plays red China
in ping-pong.
348
00:13:28,074 --> 00:13:30,408
Meanwhile, back at
delta psi, our brothers
349
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:32,911
play a little
ping-pong of their own.
350
00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:36,047
An errant ball lands
in a brother's beer,
351
00:13:37,016 --> 00:13:39,417
and he just drinks it.
352
00:13:42,221 --> 00:13:43,288
(Whooping)
353
00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:44,856
(All cheering)
354
00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:47,058
I give you beer pong!
355
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:48,426
(Cheering continues)
356
00:13:55,201 --> 00:13:59,370
The year is 1985!
357
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,172
(1980s pop music playing)
Sebastian cremmington
and his brothers
358
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:05,276
They've been drinking
since the butt-crack of dawn.
359
00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:08,980
Sebastian knows he has
to throw up, but he wants
to keep partying.
360
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:11,316
What does he do?
Does he puke,
or does he drink?
361
00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:13,384
Why not do both?
362
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:17,422
I give you the boot
and motherfucking rally!
363
00:14:20,159 --> 00:14:21,526
(All cheering)
364
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:29,334
So many party inventions.
365
00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:32,570
So many party discoveries.
366
00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:35,240
How are we supposed to stand
on the shoulders of giants?
367
00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:36,307
Tell 'em, Teddy.
368
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:38,276
I'll tell you how.
369
00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:40,411
Do you see that
empty space on the wall?
370
00:14:41,247 --> 00:14:44,449
Let's fill it with dreams.
371
00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:49,087
We are gonna end the year
with the most legendary
rager of all time.
372
00:14:50,422 --> 00:14:53,558
I'm talking even bigger
than last year's
white trash bash.
373
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,960
All: No, no, no!
374
00:14:55,962 --> 00:14:58,229
Seems like
an impossible feat.
375
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:00,231
But when we do it,
376
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,533
we will get our
faces on that wall,
377
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:04,936
amidst the rest
of these legends!
378
00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:06,070
(All cheering)
379
00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:10,909
Pete, do you want to
tell us about your
first summer as a delta?
380
00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:12,410
My parents got divorced.
381
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:14,479
And where did you go?
Right here.
382
00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:15,647
And what happened?
I cried.
383
00:15:15,649 --> 00:15:17,115
Why did you cry?
384
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:18,650
Because I felt safe.
385
00:15:18,652 --> 00:15:21,953
Because I was
surrounded by
my brothers.
386
00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:25,290
Brothers have a bond
that goes beyond friendship.
387
00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:29,427
We are the family
you get to choose,
and we don't get divorced!
388
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:30,995
No, we don't.
We don't.
389
00:15:30,997 --> 00:15:32,964
To believe in
the life of love...
390
00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:35,466
All: ...To walk
in the way of honor,
391
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:37,435
to serve in
the light of truth.
392
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:40,672
This is the life, the way,
the light of delta psi.
393
00:15:40,674 --> 00:15:43,374
This is the creed
of our fraternity.
394
00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:47,278
All: (Singing)
Can you take me higher?
395
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,213
(Whispering) Delta psi.
396
00:15:49,215 --> 00:15:50,949
Delta psi.
397
00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:53,284
Delta psi, delta psi!
398
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:54,953
Delta psi!
399
00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:57,455
Delta psi! Delta psi!
400
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:59,090
Delta psi!
Delta psi! Delta psi!
401
00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:00,224
(Both groaning)
(Music playing in distance)
402
00:16:00,226 --> 00:16:01,726
Christ!
What the fuck?
403
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:05,163
They're gonna wake Stella.
What do we...
404
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:06,364
What do you think
we should do?
405
00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:07,432
We should call the police.
406
00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:08,666
No, no, no, no, no.
407
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:10,201
We can't do that.
408
00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:12,570
We should go over there,
okay? And talk to them.
409
00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:14,672
They'll listen to us if
they think we're cool,
you know?
410
00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:16,674
Okay. Yeah. Yeah, okay.
411
00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:18,209
Okay.
412
00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:19,377
Grab the baby monitor.
413
00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:23,147
Hey, Mac, Kelly.
What's up?
414
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:27,151
We hate to be these guys,
but do you mind just,
like, kind of...
415
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:28,286
Just keep it down.
416
00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:29,187
Just a little bit.
A little bit.
417
00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:30,455
The music?
418
00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:31,556
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, just a tiny bit.
419
00:16:31,558 --> 00:16:33,157
First off, my bad.
420
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,726
Yo, guys! Music check!
421
00:16:34,728 --> 00:16:36,627
We have neighbors,
for Christ's sake!
422
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:38,029
Come on.
Thank you.
423
00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:39,163
That's a big bong.
424
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:40,398
Is that a two-story bong?
425
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:41,399
I really appreciate
you guys coming by.
426
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:42,667
Out of control.
427
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:44,736
Awesome, man.
Well, thank you so much.
428
00:16:44,738 --> 00:16:46,070
That's all we wanted.
429
00:16:46,072 --> 00:16:47,472
Cool.
Great.
430
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:49,640
See you guys around.
431
00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:52,110
Okay, thanks, man.
Dope. Cool.
432
00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:53,177
Sweet.
Yeah.
433
00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:57,582
I think we should
invite the old people in.
434
00:16:57,584 --> 00:16:59,050
They're old and lame.
435
00:16:59,052 --> 00:17:00,418
I mean, yeah,
I like their baby,
436
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:01,753
but this is
no place for a baby.
437
00:17:01,755 --> 00:17:05,356
They can make our
lives a living hell.
We need them on our side.
438
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,325
If we're cool with them now,
they'll be cool with us.
439
00:17:08,227 --> 00:17:09,460
Hey, slow down!
440
00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:10,428
Hey, there they are!
441
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:11,763
Where you going?
442
00:17:11,765 --> 00:17:13,064
Do you guys
want to come in?
443
00:17:13,066 --> 00:17:14,432
You don't want us
to come back in.
444
00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:15,400
I mean, no, we can't.
We couldn't possibly.
445
00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:16,501
No, no, no.
446
00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:17,568
Are you serious?
447
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:19,337
I think you should.
Come on.
448
00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:21,439
No, we've got the baby, so...
We've got the baby. We can't.
449
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:22,707
Come on.
Just real quick.
450
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,375
You have the baby
monitor right there.
451
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:25,343
We do, it's working.
452
00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:26,644
It works perfectly.
453
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:28,212
You're, like,
10 feet away. Come on.
454
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:31,149
Just the tour, maybe.
Pete: Just the tour.
455
00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:33,584
Just the tour. Cool.
Teddy: Oh, it's so exciting!
456
00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:35,486
Oh, yeah!
Magic mushrooms!
457
00:17:36,255 --> 00:17:37,555
Slow down.
458
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:42,527
I've been doing mushrooms
since before
the fucking Internet existed.
459
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:45,763
That's a weird phone!
460
00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:47,732
No, it's my baby monitor.
461
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,133
You should look,
you can see her.
462
00:17:49,135 --> 00:17:50,101
Girls: Aw!
463
00:17:50,502 --> 00:17:52,603
Boys: Peekaboo!
464
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:55,840
He's done.
465
00:17:57,576 --> 00:17:59,110
Peekaboo!
Boys: Oh!
466
00:18:00,479 --> 00:18:01,746
(Monitor beeping)
467
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:03,347
Oh, no, no.
The monitor is
not working.
468
00:18:03,349 --> 00:18:05,483
I gotta get back.
Gotta get back,
gotta get back.
469
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:07,151
I'm gonna throw up.
470
00:18:07,153 --> 00:18:08,319
Boys: Whoa...
471
00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:14,492
I can't...
472
00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:15,860
Right there.
Yeah, yeah!
473
00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:17,161
No, no, no!
474
00:18:17,163 --> 00:18:19,564
No, no, no!
475
00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:21,232
(All humming)
476
00:18:32,144 --> 00:18:33,845
Do you guys
want to see
something amazing?
477
00:18:33,847 --> 00:18:36,180
Yes, I want to see
something amazing.
478
00:18:36,182 --> 00:18:38,182
Boys: Yeah.
What is it?
479
00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:40,184
(Laughs)
480
00:18:40,186 --> 00:18:42,453
I know you're all wondering
why I brought you here.
481
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:43,621
Behold.
482
00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:52,897
(All cheering)
483
00:18:57,503 --> 00:18:59,403
Wow!
Good job, man.
484
00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:00,605
Yeah, take a bow.
485
00:19:04,209 --> 00:19:06,344
Mac: (Panting)
Wait. Wait.
486
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:07,645
(Both sighing)
487
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:10,882
Welcome to
the lion's den,
my friend.
488
00:19:10,884 --> 00:19:12,316
Yes!
489
00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:14,886
This is my room.
Off limits during parties.
490
00:19:14,888 --> 00:19:16,921
This is where we keep
all the important shit.
491
00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:20,391
Alcohol, drugs, passports,
ping-pong paddles.
492
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:22,393
Those things are always
fucking disappearing.
493
00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:23,794
Yeah, dude.
My bros is always
stealing my paddies.
494
00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:25,163
Right? What the fuck?
495
00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:27,865
Holy shit!
That's a lot of fireworks.
496
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:28,900
Can we light some of
those off right now?
497
00:19:28,902 --> 00:19:33,871
Man, literally, the last
time we lit those off,
we burned the house down.
498
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,339
(Chuckling)
499
00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:37,575
It's not funny.
That was really bad.
500
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,678
Check this out.
Watch the yard.
501
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:41,612
Ready?
Yeah.
502
00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:44,882
(All cheering)
503
00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:46,851
That's awesome.
504
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:48,753
Welcome to paradise.
505
00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:52,190
Like, when you
think of Batman,
who's Batman?
506
00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:53,257
Are you kidding me?
507
00:19:53,259 --> 00:19:54,692
Christian bale?
Christian bale.
508
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,261
Michael keaton
is Batman to me.
509
00:19:57,263 --> 00:19:59,230
(Imitating bale as Batman)
"Where is she?"
510
00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:01,766
(Laughs) Michael keaton's
Batman was like,
511
00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:03,568
(in raspy voice)
"Hey, I'm Batman."
512
00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:06,270
"No! Hey, I'm Batman!"
513
00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:09,507
"No, dude, no.
I'm Batman. This is what
Batman sounds like."
514
00:20:09,509 --> 00:20:10,875
"I'm counting on it!"
515
00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:12,577
"No, I'm counting on it.
I'm Batman."
516
00:20:12,579 --> 00:20:14,512
We actually met
in college. Yeah.
517
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:15,913
Girls: Aw!
518
00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:18,349
Yeah, I was here for
an exchange program.
519
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:21,419
I was only supposed
to stay a semester,
520
00:20:21,421 --> 00:20:24,422
but then he convinced me
to hang around.
521
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:25,489
All: Aw!
Yeah.
522
00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:27,491
What's cool is
we're almost roommates.
523
00:20:27,493 --> 00:20:30,294
Our rooms are, like,
10 feet away
from each other.
524
00:20:30,296 --> 00:20:31,562
Dude, we can have
walkie-talkies,
525
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:36,801
Let's get walkie-talkies
and talk to each
other all the time.
526
00:20:36,803 --> 00:20:38,569
Walkie-talkies and
earpieces and shit.
Oh, my God.
527
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:39,537
That would be so dope.
528
00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:40,638
It'd be so fun.
529
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,740
So, how did you meet Teddy?
530
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,909
I saw him.
He saw me.
531
00:20:45,611 --> 00:20:47,478
Yeah.
532
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,413
It's a really romantic story.
533
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:52,917
Hold on to this moment, man.
Seriously, enjoy this.
534
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:55,586
Because soon,
you fucking blink,
535
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:58,289
and you're the oldest
guy at the party,
536
00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:00,591
and it's terrible.
537
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,426
You don't seem old.
538
00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:04,328
You seem like a senior
that took a year abroad.
539
00:21:08,533 --> 00:21:10,034
Really?
Yeah, man.
540
00:21:11,470 --> 00:21:12,737
Bottom of my heart.
541
00:21:13,739 --> 00:21:15,006
You want to swordfight?
542
00:21:16,041 --> 00:21:17,008
Absolutely.
543
00:21:21,046 --> 00:21:22,446
All: Aw!
544
00:21:25,817 --> 00:21:28,052
Mac: Epic night!
545
00:21:28,054 --> 00:21:30,488
Crazy! I owe you, man.
546
00:21:30,490 --> 00:21:32,056
Kelly: I really needed that.
Mac: Thank you so much.
547
00:21:32,058 --> 00:21:33,958
Yeah, again,
if you can just generally
548
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,593
kind of, you know,
keep it down.
549
00:21:35,595 --> 00:21:36,761
Just keep it down.
550
00:21:36,763 --> 00:21:38,529
Just keep it down.
Low.
551
00:21:38,531 --> 00:21:40,598
That would be...
That would be fucking...
That would be trill.
552
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:41,899
You really want us
to keep it down?
553
00:21:41,901 --> 00:21:42,900
Yeah, like,
every night.
554
00:21:42,902 --> 00:21:44,769
Yeah, try to keep it down.
555
00:21:44,771 --> 00:21:46,771
I'll give it
the old college try.
556
00:21:46,773 --> 00:21:47,805
Nice! That was good.
Nice.
557
00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:49,540
Cool, cool.
How is that?
558
00:21:49,542 --> 00:21:52,076
Just make sure if
we're too noisy,
you call me first.
559
00:21:52,078 --> 00:21:53,611
Don't call the cops, okay?
560
00:21:53,613 --> 00:21:54,779
Okay. Yeah, for sure.
Yeah.
561
00:21:54,781 --> 00:21:55,913
Do you promise?
I promise.
562
00:21:55,915 --> 00:21:57,415
Do you promise?
563
00:21:57,417 --> 00:22:01,552
You promise? Okay.
Because a promise
is a big deal to me.
564
00:22:01,554 --> 00:22:02,987
Okay.
Okay.
565
00:22:02,989 --> 00:22:05,556
We promise.
Thank you so much, guys.
566
00:22:05,558 --> 00:22:08,092
I hope you guys come over
and try and hang
with us some more.
567
00:22:08,094 --> 00:22:09,727
Yeah, dope, dope. Cool.
It was a good time.
568
00:22:09,729 --> 00:22:10,795
I'll go tell them to shh!
569
00:22:10,797 --> 00:22:11,962
Mac: Yeah.
570
00:22:11,964 --> 00:22:13,597
See you guys.
571
00:22:13,599 --> 00:22:14,732
Great night!
572
00:22:19,871 --> 00:22:21,806
(Hip-hop music playing)
573
00:22:21,808 --> 00:22:25,443
Hey, Teddy. It's Mac again.
Your neighbor.
574
00:22:25,445 --> 00:22:27,878
You said to call if
it was ever too loud.
575
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,380
So, we're calling.
It's too loud.
576
00:22:29,382 --> 00:22:34,085
It's 4:00 in the morning,
our baby's awake.
She's freaking out.
577
00:22:34,087 --> 00:22:35,519
Thank you.
578
00:22:35,521 --> 00:22:36,687
Ten times.
579
00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:38,622
I've called him ten times.
What do we do?
580
00:22:38,624 --> 00:22:40,424
If we actually go
over there and tell them
to keep it down,
581
00:22:40,426 --> 00:22:41,492
we're gonna seem so lame.
582
00:22:41,494 --> 00:22:42,560
We're gonna have
to call the cops.
583
00:22:42,562 --> 00:22:43,627
We call
the cops?
Yes.
584
00:22:43,629 --> 00:22:45,629
He told us not
to call the cops.
585
00:22:45,631 --> 00:22:46,831
Do it anonymously.
586
00:22:46,833 --> 00:22:51,469
We're cool, they shut up,
she goes to sleep. Done.
587
00:22:51,471 --> 00:22:52,870
We have no blood on our hands.
588
00:22:52,872 --> 00:22:55,039
We're innocents.
We're innocents in all this.
589
00:22:55,041 --> 00:22:56,574
It's a good idea.
It's a good system.
590
00:22:56,576 --> 00:22:58,008
Let's do it.
Okay, I'm doing it.
Let's do it.
591
00:22:59,544 --> 00:23:02,046
Mac: Here we go. Here we go.
592
00:23:02,048 --> 00:23:03,981
Here they are.
593
00:23:03,983 --> 00:23:06,150
Okay.
594
00:23:06,152 --> 00:23:08,719
I feel so lame.
I can't believe
we called the cops.
595
00:23:11,590 --> 00:23:12,890
They can't tell it's us.
596
00:23:12,892 --> 00:23:14,725
They don't know it was us.
Could've been anyone.
597
00:23:14,727 --> 00:23:15,993
Could have been anyone.
Any one of these people
could have called.
598
00:23:15,995 --> 00:23:17,628
We're not gonna
get caught for this.
599
00:23:17,630 --> 00:23:20,097
Anyone would do this.
This isn't because we're old.
600
00:23:22,534 --> 00:23:24,568
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
Oh!
601
00:23:24,570 --> 00:23:25,803
Oh, shit!
Oh, no!
602
00:23:25,805 --> 00:23:27,138
Mac: Oh, no! Oh, fuck!
603
00:23:27,140 --> 00:23:28,472
Kelly: Oh, no.
604
00:23:28,474 --> 00:23:30,174
He sold us out.
605
00:23:30,176 --> 00:23:32,743
Fuck, they're
coming up the driveway.
Oh, shit, they're coming.
606
00:23:32,745 --> 00:23:34,612
Oh, shit.
They're right there.
(Knocking on door)
607
00:23:34,614 --> 00:23:36,180
Mac: Just go, you answer it.
Kelly: You answer it.
608
00:23:36,182 --> 00:23:38,115
You answer!
You are gonna answer.
609
00:23:38,117 --> 00:23:40,151
You do it.
You do it. You do it.
610
00:23:40,153 --> 00:23:42,787
We're just getting dressed!
I'm naked!
611
00:23:42,789 --> 00:23:44,588
No, I see
you guys right there.
One moment.
612
00:23:44,590 --> 00:23:46,123
Act like you just woke up.
613
00:23:46,125 --> 00:23:48,159
(Both yawning)
614
00:23:48,593 --> 00:23:49,894
Hey.
615
00:23:50,862 --> 00:23:52,830
Watkins:
Hello, are you Mac?
616
00:23:52,832 --> 00:23:54,899
Yeah. What's happening?
617
00:23:54,901 --> 00:23:56,100
You called about
your neighbors?
618
00:23:56,868 --> 00:23:58,169
No.
619
00:23:58,703 --> 00:24:00,137
No.
620
00:24:00,139 --> 00:24:03,174
I have a call,
it's from Mac radner.
That's you. Right?
621
00:24:03,176 --> 00:24:05,176
Yeah. How do you
have that information?
622
00:24:05,178 --> 00:24:07,545
We have caller ID.
We're cops.
623
00:24:08,580 --> 00:24:10,614
Everybody has caller ID.
You're Mac radner.
624
00:24:10,616 --> 00:24:11,916
Okay, yes.
625
00:24:11,918 --> 00:24:13,951
You called us.
Why did you call us?
626
00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:17,588
I called the cops
because you were
being noisy, man.
627
00:24:17,590 --> 00:24:18,856
And I tried to
get you to stop,
and you wouldn't stop.
628
00:24:18,858 --> 00:24:20,024
They won't stop partying!
629
00:24:20,026 --> 00:24:21,125
Officer,
you know how it is.
630
00:24:21,127 --> 00:24:23,894
We have a little baby.
We have a baby.
631
00:24:23,896 --> 00:24:25,830
Mac's working in the morning.
We got jobs.
632
00:24:25,832 --> 00:24:27,665
They were at the party
with us just last night.
633
00:24:27,667 --> 00:24:29,733
Did you party with this kid?
We don't party with them!
634
00:24:29,735 --> 00:24:31,769
We shouldn't be in trouble.
We haven't done
anything wrong.
635
00:24:31,771 --> 00:24:32,903
We have a baby.
We're parents.
636
00:24:32,905 --> 00:24:35,072
Well then,
what do you call these?
637
00:24:35,074 --> 00:24:38,809
I'm too fucked up!
Ahhh! Ahhh!
638
00:24:38,811 --> 00:24:40,578
Watkins: Well,
it looks like you guys
were partying with him.
639
00:24:40,580 --> 00:24:41,846
You party pretty heavy.
640
00:24:41,848 --> 00:24:44,181
That's a joke photo!
641
00:24:44,183 --> 00:24:45,216
It's a joke?
That's a joke!
642
00:24:45,218 --> 00:24:46,684
It's not a good joke.
643
00:24:46,686 --> 00:24:47,985
Okay, you know what?
Let's end this.
644
00:24:47,987 --> 00:24:50,020
I'm sorry.
I rescind the complaint.
645
00:24:50,022 --> 00:24:52,156
You can go.
No noise complaint.
646
00:24:52,158 --> 00:24:53,991
You know the boy
who cried wolf?
647
00:24:53,993 --> 00:24:55,226
You're that boy.
648
00:24:55,228 --> 00:24:57,595
Okay, I cried wolf.
Never call us again.
649
00:24:57,597 --> 00:24:59,263
Never call you again?
You're the fucking police.
650
00:25:01,166 --> 00:25:02,600
Look, man, we're sorry.
651
00:25:02,602 --> 00:25:05,536
We tried to call you.
I don't know what to say.
652
00:25:05,538 --> 00:25:07,104
We called you five times,
you didn't answer us.
653
00:25:07,106 --> 00:25:08,772
You made a promise
to me last night.
654
00:25:08,774 --> 00:25:11,175
We were pissing.
We crossed streams.
655
00:25:11,177 --> 00:25:12,776
Don't worry
about it, you know?
656
00:25:12,778 --> 00:25:15,513
"Hey, I'm Batman."
You know? Right?
657
00:25:15,515 --> 00:25:18,148
We're still cool, man.
We're still cool.
We're sorry.
658
00:25:18,150 --> 00:25:19,984
I'm not mad.
659
00:25:19,986 --> 00:25:22,086
I'm just disappointed.
660
00:25:22,088 --> 00:25:24,088
Hey, come on.
Wait, let's just...
661
00:25:27,659 --> 00:25:28,692
Mac: What's that?
662
00:25:29,661 --> 00:25:30,761
Those are for you.
663
00:25:30,763 --> 00:25:32,096
What the fuck?
664
00:25:32,697 --> 00:25:33,764
Oh.
665
00:25:36,701 --> 00:25:38,636
Teddy: You shouldn't have
called the cops, bro!
666
00:25:38,638 --> 00:25:39,770
Okay.
667
00:25:40,739 --> 00:25:42,706
(All shouting)
Okay, very good.
668
00:25:42,708 --> 00:25:43,807
Very good.
669
00:25:43,809 --> 00:25:45,543
Kelly: Okay.
Congratulations.
670
00:25:45,545 --> 00:25:46,977
You better put that
in the recycling bin.
671
00:25:46,979 --> 00:25:48,045
All of it.
All of it.
672
00:25:50,916 --> 00:25:52,650
Pete: It's like
Edward scissorhands.
Do you like it?
673
00:25:52,652 --> 00:25:54,318
It's a really
expensive bush!
674
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,720
I'm sorry, I felt
inspiration. What
was I supposed to do?
675
00:25:56,722 --> 00:25:58,322
I'm about to rip this
shit out of the ground.
676
00:25:58,857 --> 00:26:00,224
(Grunting)
677
00:26:00,226 --> 00:26:01,926
Fuck this bush!
Fuck that bush, man!
678
00:26:01,928 --> 00:26:03,561
Fuck this bush!
Fuck that bush!
679
00:26:03,563 --> 00:26:05,863
Harder, man.
Yeah, really
get in there.
680
00:26:05,865 --> 00:26:07,565
Oh! Oh!
God damn it! Kelly!
681
00:26:07,567 --> 00:26:08,899
Whoa. Hey, man,
buy him dinner first.
682
00:26:08,901 --> 00:26:09,967
Fuck this bush!
683
00:26:11,303 --> 00:26:12,703
(Groans)
684
00:26:12,705 --> 00:26:13,837
All: Oh!
Shit!
685
00:26:13,839 --> 00:26:15,639
Okay. Ha-ha.
686
00:26:15,641 --> 00:26:17,241
Sorry, man.
Sorry my ball just
got in your face.
687
00:26:17,976 --> 00:26:19,243
(Both moaning)
688
00:26:22,113 --> 00:26:24,048
I love you.
Baby.
689
00:26:25,684 --> 00:26:27,184
Oh, God.
690
00:26:27,186 --> 00:26:28,252
I can't believe
this is happening.
691
00:26:29,588 --> 00:26:31,088
It's finally happening.
692
00:26:31,090 --> 00:26:32,222
(All chattering indistinctly)
693
00:26:33,358 --> 00:26:35,225
What the fuck?
Oh, my God!
694
00:26:35,227 --> 00:26:37,261
Oh, no! Oh, no!
695
00:26:37,263 --> 00:26:39,163
We can't be the only people
in the neighborhood
696
00:26:39,165 --> 00:26:40,364
who are sick of
this bullshit, you know.
697
00:26:40,366 --> 00:26:41,932
We've gotta get
everyone on our side.
698
00:26:41,934 --> 00:26:42,967
We could lead a revolution.
699
00:26:42,969 --> 00:26:44,034
Oh, no.
700
00:26:45,971 --> 00:26:48,305
They're buying off
the whole neighborhood
with their slave army.
701
00:26:48,307 --> 00:26:51,342
Oh! Mrs. Haywood,
you're better than that.
702
00:26:55,747 --> 00:26:57,281
I can't sell your house.
703
00:26:57,283 --> 00:26:58,649
Why?
Well,
704
00:26:58,651 --> 00:27:00,818
because the only
people who would want
705
00:27:00,820 --> 00:27:02,987
to live next to a frat
house is a frat house.
706
00:27:02,989 --> 00:27:04,955
Oh, the university
might be interested.
707
00:27:04,957 --> 00:27:07,891
I know the Spanish department
is looking for a new building.
708
00:27:07,893 --> 00:27:09,627
Only thing, if you
sell to the university,
709
00:27:09,629 --> 00:27:12,229
I'd say, optimistically,
you're looking
710
00:27:12,231 --> 00:27:15,065
at losing about
half your investment.
711
00:27:15,067 --> 00:27:17,935
We put all of our money in.
This is all of our money.
712
00:27:17,937 --> 00:27:18,902
We can't lose half.
713
00:27:18,904 --> 00:27:21,372
But you keep half.
714
00:27:21,374 --> 00:27:23,040
We don't need that!
What is that?
715
00:27:23,042 --> 00:27:24,675
Sold!
716
00:27:24,677 --> 00:27:26,243
And you keep making
money no matter what!
717
00:27:26,245 --> 00:27:28,012
Real estate is
a fickle bitch.
718
00:27:28,014 --> 00:27:30,314
Okay, maybe it's
best you just go.
719
00:27:30,316 --> 00:27:31,749
Thank you for coming.
Okay.
720
00:27:31,751 --> 00:27:32,916
That was not helpful.
721
00:27:32,918 --> 00:27:34,852
Well, okay.
722
00:27:34,854 --> 00:27:36,286
What are you wearing?
What is this?
723
00:27:36,288 --> 00:27:38,122
What are you doing?
Yeah.
724
00:27:38,124 --> 00:27:40,290
We're throwing
a Robert de niro party.
725
00:27:40,292 --> 00:27:42,693
Should be pretty
fucking loud.
726
00:27:42,695 --> 00:27:45,129
It's probably gonna go
pretty fucking late, too.
727
00:27:45,131 --> 00:27:47,331
I'm taxi driver de niro.
728
00:27:47,333 --> 00:27:49,433
Yeah, I'm meet the fockers
de niro.
729
00:27:49,435 --> 00:27:52,002
I'm watching you.
I'm watching you.
730
00:27:52,004 --> 00:27:54,805
Who painted that
mole on your face?
Did you do that yourself?
731
00:27:54,807 --> 00:27:57,007
Yes, I did.
Yes, I did, focker.
732
00:27:57,009 --> 00:28:01,211
Oh, I'm Sam Jackson, you know,
from Jackie brown.
733
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:02,980
Hoo-ah!
734
00:28:02,982 --> 00:28:04,715
All: Hoo-ah!
735
00:28:04,717 --> 00:28:05,983
That's Al Pacino.
That's not even... yeah.
736
00:28:05,985 --> 00:28:07,151
Scent of a woman.
737
00:28:07,153 --> 00:28:08,452
All: Hoo-ah!
738
00:28:09,287 --> 00:28:10,888
There's
no consistency here.
739
00:28:10,890 --> 00:28:12,456
You're all over the place
with your references.
740
00:28:12,458 --> 00:28:16,393
Just stop doing this
stupid shit! We're sorry.
741
00:28:16,395 --> 00:28:19,029
Hey, when you called
the cops, you violated
the circle of trust, focker.
742
00:28:19,031 --> 00:28:20,898
We're sorry we
called the cops, okay?
743
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:23,367
Are you talking to me?
744
00:28:23,369 --> 00:28:24,735
Mac: Yes.
Kelly: Yes.
745
00:28:24,737 --> 00:28:25,836
Are you talking
to me?
746
00:28:25,838 --> 00:28:26,970
Yes!
Yes!
747
00:28:26,972 --> 00:28:29,306
Are you talking to me?
Are you talking to me?
748
00:28:29,308 --> 00:28:30,808
I don't see
anyone else here.
749
00:28:30,810 --> 00:28:32,042
I don't see anyone
else here, either!
750
00:28:32,044 --> 00:28:36,880
"The path of the righteous man
is beset on all sides..."
751
00:28:36,882 --> 00:28:39,917
What the fuck are you doing?
That's the wrong
Sam Jackson speech!
752
00:28:39,919 --> 00:28:41,418
Are you talking to me,
or are you talking to him?
753
00:28:41,420 --> 00:28:42,753
(Overlapping conversations)
754
00:28:42,755 --> 00:28:44,755
Just get off!
Are you talking to me?
755
00:28:44,757 --> 00:28:45,923
Shut the fuck up!
756
00:28:45,925 --> 00:28:46,824
You get the fuck
out of here.
757
00:28:46,826 --> 00:28:47,891
Stop it!
758
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:51,795
Hey. What's nice
is in a few years,
759
00:28:51,797 --> 00:28:53,797
we'll have a third
person to help us do this.
760
00:28:53,799 --> 00:28:55,399
Hey.
761
00:28:55,401 --> 00:28:57,201
What do you got there,
sweetie?
762
00:28:58,036 --> 00:29:00,070
Is that a balloon?
763
00:29:00,072 --> 00:29:01,371
Did you find a balloon?
764
00:29:02,841 --> 00:29:04,908
Oh, shit! That's
not a balloon!
765
00:29:04,910 --> 00:29:05,976
Oh, Jesus!
(Screams)
766
00:29:05,978 --> 00:29:07,878
Oh, God! Oh, no!
767
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:09,379
Help! Help!
768
00:29:09,381 --> 00:29:11,381
Get the fuck...
Get out of my way! Move!
769
00:29:11,383 --> 00:29:13,283
Doctor! Doctor!
Oh, God!
770
00:29:15,987 --> 00:29:17,755
All right.
Hey.
771
00:29:20,759 --> 00:29:22,226
Your baby
772
00:29:23,795 --> 00:29:25,195
has HIV.
773
00:29:25,197 --> 00:29:26,497
(Gasps)
Oh, my God.
774
00:29:26,499 --> 00:29:28,465
Is how bad this
could have gone.
775
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:30,801
The condom was unused.
776
00:29:30,803 --> 00:29:32,136
(Murmuring) Are you fucking
kidding me?
777
00:29:32,138 --> 00:29:34,938
Who the fuck says that
to a couple of parents?
778
00:29:36,441 --> 00:29:37,841
Hey! Ma'am!
779
00:29:37,843 --> 00:29:39,076
Chill out, chill out!
780
00:29:39,078 --> 00:29:40,511
They are dangerous
to the neighborhood!
781
00:29:40,513 --> 00:29:41,912
There's a clear
focus going on here.
782
00:29:41,914 --> 00:29:43,380
I heard they burned
down their last house.
783
00:29:43,382 --> 00:29:45,382
And they were
reprimanded for that.
784
00:29:45,384 --> 00:29:48,852
We have a very strict
three-strike policy
at this school.
785
00:29:48,854 --> 00:29:51,455
So, they have one strike.
If they get two more,
then they're out.
786
00:29:51,457 --> 00:29:52,823
A strike?
787
00:29:52,825 --> 00:29:55,025
Well, listen,
the way I do my job is,
788
00:29:55,027 --> 00:29:57,361
you know, I'm always
thinking about
the headlines, right?
789
00:29:57,363 --> 00:30:02,266
So, "Duke lacrosse
team rapes stripper."
Bad headline.
790
00:30:02,268 --> 00:30:04,134
"Fraternity
keeps couple awake"?
791
00:30:04,136 --> 00:30:06,336
That's not really
even a headline.
792
00:30:06,338 --> 00:30:08,572
I don't even think
it would make
the local police blotter.
793
00:30:08,574 --> 00:30:10,374
Get ready to read
the headline of the century.
794
00:30:10,376 --> 00:30:13,544
Extra, extra!
"Baby swallows condom!"
795
00:30:13,546 --> 00:30:15,579
That's disgusting!
Exactly!
796
00:30:15,581 --> 00:30:17,114
It's the frat's condom!
That's the frat's condom!
797
00:30:17,116 --> 00:30:18,816
I have a headline for this.
798
00:30:18,818 --> 00:30:21,351
"Fraternity
practices safe sex."
799
00:30:21,353 --> 00:30:23,387
That's a good headline.
I could get a raise
off that headline.
800
00:30:23,389 --> 00:30:25,122
I got a headline for you.
801
00:30:25,124 --> 00:30:30,294
"Mean Dean doesn't realize
that frat is
bad for everyone."
802
00:30:30,296 --> 00:30:34,131
It's very poorly worded.
I don't think that
would ever make it to print.
803
00:30:34,133 --> 00:30:35,465
I don't know where
you went to school.
804
00:30:35,467 --> 00:30:38,168
I went here, okay?
That's why I'm dumb!
805
00:30:38,170 --> 00:30:40,170
You know what?
I just thought of
another headline.
806
00:30:40,172 --> 00:30:44,274
"Negligent parents
allow baby to swallow condom."
807
00:30:44,276 --> 00:30:46,910
What'd you say?
It's not a good headline.
808
00:30:46,912 --> 00:30:49,146
Here's a headline.
How about,
"go fuck yourself"?
809
00:30:49,148 --> 00:30:50,247
That's what you get.
810
00:30:50,249 --> 00:30:54,918
This is our little cub
on our lawn with
a condom in her mouth.
811
00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:56,920
Oh, my God.
I'm a mama bear.
812
00:30:56,922 --> 00:30:58,121
Yes, you are.
You know what?
813
00:30:58,123 --> 00:31:00,023
I'm gonna act all
docile and then...
814
00:31:00,025 --> 00:31:01,525
(Both roaring)
815
00:31:01,527 --> 00:31:04,127
My claws are out!
I'm gonna fucking get them!
816
00:31:04,129 --> 00:31:05,896
(Hissing)
Fuck these fucking guys!
817
00:31:05,898 --> 00:31:07,364
They don't know who
they are fucking with.
818
00:31:07,366 --> 00:31:09,266
They think I'm
just a regular dad
819
00:31:09,268 --> 00:31:11,068
and then you
know what happens?
820
00:31:11,070 --> 00:31:12,469
Boom! Boom!
821
00:31:12,471 --> 00:31:15,038
Teddy's dead!
Pete's dead! Scoonie's dead!
822
00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:16,273
Fuck you!
No, no.
823
00:31:16,275 --> 00:31:17,574
I'll fucking kill them!
No, no.
824
00:31:17,576 --> 00:31:19,443
Boom!
No.
825
00:31:19,445 --> 00:31:21,078
I'm buying a fucking gun!
No, you're not!
826
00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:23,213
I'm not buying a gun!
You're right, it's a bad idea.
827
00:31:23,215 --> 00:31:24,514
Bad call.
828
00:31:24,516 --> 00:31:25,482
What about one of those
small prostitute guns?
829
00:31:25,484 --> 00:31:27,317
No. You're not buying a gun.
830
00:31:27,319 --> 00:31:28,952
(Exhales) Fuck!
831
00:31:28,954 --> 00:31:30,120
What can we do?
That fucking Dean.
832
00:31:30,122 --> 00:31:32,556
What woman is named "Dean"?
833
00:31:32,558 --> 00:31:34,491
She's not named "Dean."
That's her job.
834
00:31:34,493 --> 00:31:36,260
What?
That's what "Dean" is here.
835
00:31:36,262 --> 00:31:37,427
No.
Yeah.
836
00:31:37,429 --> 00:31:39,162
Really?
What did you think?
837
00:31:39,164 --> 00:31:40,364
I thought that was her name.
No.
838
00:31:40,366 --> 00:31:41,965
Oh, no.
839
00:31:41,967 --> 00:31:43,634
What do they call
it in Australia?
"Chancellor."
840
00:31:43,636 --> 00:31:45,535
No, she's the chancellor.
841
00:31:45,537 --> 00:31:48,005
Oh, my God.
I was so rude to her.
842
00:31:48,007 --> 00:31:49,606
I don't know what to do.
What do we know?
843
00:31:49,608 --> 00:31:51,141
What didn't we
have in college?
844
00:31:51,143 --> 00:31:52,609
I didn't have any money.
845
00:31:52,611 --> 00:31:54,077
I had no money either.
We had no money.
846
00:31:54,079 --> 00:31:57,180
We fuck with their house.
They can't afford to fix it.
847
00:31:57,182 --> 00:31:58,615
Yes.
They have to move.
848
00:31:58,617 --> 00:31:59,983
Yeah, fuck them!
Fuck them!
849
00:31:59,985 --> 00:32:01,285
We're gonna fucking fuck them!
Fuck them!
850
00:32:01,287 --> 00:32:03,086
We are going to fuck them!
Fuck them!
851
00:32:18,303 --> 00:32:19,569
(Both screaming)
852
00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:23,974
(All groaning)
853
00:32:23,976 --> 00:32:25,943
So the water
came out of here?
Yep.
854
00:32:25,945 --> 00:32:27,544
This is gonna ruin us.
855
00:32:27,546 --> 00:32:30,380
I mean,
the foundation is flooded.
We can't pay for this shit.
856
00:32:30,382 --> 00:32:32,015
They're gonna
condemn the house.
857
00:32:32,017 --> 00:32:33,550
Okay, well,
on that note,
858
00:32:33,552 --> 00:32:35,152
maybe we should
clean up and not
859
00:32:35,154 --> 00:32:36,520
stand here with our
dicks in our hands.
860
00:32:38,289 --> 00:32:39,623
"Dicks in our hands."
861
00:32:42,327 --> 00:32:45,295
Dicks in our hands.
862
00:32:47,598 --> 00:32:49,366
Dicks in our hands.
863
00:32:50,635 --> 00:32:53,737
Dicks in our hands.
864
00:32:55,340 --> 00:32:57,607
Dicks in our hands.
865
00:32:57,609 --> 00:32:59,209
Teddy, how much time we got?
866
00:32:59,211 --> 00:33:02,579
Just a couple minutes,
and then we pour
in the latex.
867
00:33:02,581 --> 00:33:05,182
We've got delta psi dildos
we can merchandise.
868
00:33:05,184 --> 00:33:08,151
Oh, God, I can't keep
my boner much longer.
869
00:33:08,153 --> 00:33:09,353
We're supposed
to have boners?
870
00:33:09,355 --> 00:33:11,388
Yeah.
Nobody wants a limp dildo.
871
00:33:11,390 --> 00:33:15,158
You don't know that.
People could
want it for after.
872
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:18,762
Like, for cuddling,
and it's like a love...
873
00:33:18,764 --> 00:33:20,564
Okay, you're right.
It's just a limp dick.
874
00:33:20,566 --> 00:33:23,400
Hey, you boys
have to go digital.
875
00:33:23,402 --> 00:33:25,035
Look at that
3-d printer go.
876
00:33:25,037 --> 00:33:26,169
Look at it go!
877
00:33:26,171 --> 00:33:27,571
That's awesome.
878
00:33:27,573 --> 00:33:31,441
Now I can go to class
while my dick prints.
879
00:33:31,443 --> 00:33:34,211
Got it at my architecture lab.
Pretty cool, right?
880
00:33:34,213 --> 00:33:35,679
Wow.
Man, you should go
to class sometime.
881
00:33:35,681 --> 00:33:38,248
We have excellent facilities
that, like, no one uses.
882
00:33:38,250 --> 00:33:40,150
All right, let's pull
these bad boys off
and see what we've got.
883
00:33:40,152 --> 00:33:41,284
We're good?
Yeah.
884
00:33:41,286 --> 00:33:42,486
Garf: Let's do it.
885
00:33:42,488 --> 00:33:44,321
This is like Christmas.
Oh!
886
00:33:44,323 --> 00:33:46,590
Wow.
Whoa.
887
00:33:46,592 --> 00:33:49,526
Hey, you know,
I think the Clay is
stuck to my pubes.
888
00:33:49,528 --> 00:33:50,727
Why do you have pubes?
889
00:33:52,063 --> 00:33:54,131
Wait. You guys shaved?
890
00:33:54,133 --> 00:33:55,732
Dude, I texted you.
I said, "shave."
891
00:33:55,734 --> 00:33:57,701
I thought we were
taking pictures.
I cleaned up a little, but...
892
00:33:57,703 --> 00:33:59,036
Not your face.
893
00:34:00,371 --> 00:34:01,571
Oh, God.
894
00:34:01,573 --> 00:34:03,040
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
895
00:34:03,042 --> 00:34:04,441
Don't worry about it.
I'm gonna enjoy this.
896
00:34:04,443 --> 00:34:05,575
It's not gonna come off.
897
00:34:05,577 --> 00:34:09,546
I'm gonna drill a hole,
I'm gonna pee.
I can get bigger pants.
898
00:34:09,548 --> 00:34:11,415
Look at me.
You trust me, right?
899
00:34:11,417 --> 00:34:12,482
I'm gonna
pull this thing off.
900
00:34:12,484 --> 00:34:13,450
Come on, just relax.
I got you.
901
00:34:13,452 --> 00:34:15,052
Stay the fuck away from me!
902
00:34:15,054 --> 00:34:16,586
Calm down. Count of three.
903
00:34:16,588 --> 00:34:18,422
Teddy...
One.
904
00:34:18,424 --> 00:34:19,289
Look at my eyes.
905
00:34:19,291 --> 00:34:20,690
Two!
(Shrieks)
906
00:34:27,565 --> 00:34:30,667
That was so much
worse than I thought.
907
00:34:30,669 --> 00:34:33,570
Scoonie: Ladies,
I need a single-file line.
908
00:34:33,572 --> 00:34:37,407
and if you're in the back,
it is approximately
a 20-minute wait.
909
00:34:37,409 --> 00:34:40,811
Um... I'll take a Teddy.
Cool. How about a Pete?
910
00:34:40,813 --> 00:34:42,345
Oh, no.
911
00:34:42,347 --> 00:34:43,413
I was just kidding, anyway.
912
00:34:43,415 --> 00:34:45,215
So weird.
913
00:34:45,217 --> 00:34:48,118
Holy shit, guys.
I think we made $10,000.
914
00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:49,820
Hey, you guys, if my
calculations are correct,
915
00:34:49,822 --> 00:34:52,122
not only can we
fix the water damage,
916
00:34:52,124 --> 00:34:55,659
but we can get
the biggest hot tub
in the world!
917
00:34:55,661 --> 00:34:57,594
(Cheering)
And outdoor speakers!
918
00:34:57,596 --> 00:34:59,830
Yes!
Yeah!
919
00:34:59,832 --> 00:35:01,598
Delta psi!
920
00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:03,433
All: (Chanting) Delta psi.
921
00:35:03,435 --> 00:35:07,337
Delta psi!
Delta psi! Delta psi!
922
00:35:07,339 --> 00:35:08,839
Dildo psi!
923
00:35:08,841 --> 00:35:11,475
Dildo psi! Dildo psi!
924
00:35:12,176 --> 00:35:13,443
(Dance music playing)
925
00:35:16,848 --> 00:35:18,248
This is fucking
ridiculous.
926
00:35:18,250 --> 00:35:22,319
Their dicks bought
a hot tub? My dick
couldn't buy a hot tub.
927
00:35:22,321 --> 00:35:24,254
Hey.
928
00:35:24,256 --> 00:35:27,524
Your dick could buy
more than a hot tub.
Your dick bought me.
929
00:35:27,526 --> 00:35:29,159
Thank you very much.
930
00:35:29,161 --> 00:35:30,594
I'm not a sizeist.
931
00:35:30,596 --> 00:35:32,429
That's a little
patronizing.
932
00:35:32,897 --> 00:35:33,897
(Mouthing)
933
00:35:39,203 --> 00:35:41,838
I don't get it.
Who would even buy
one of those dildos?
934
00:35:45,777 --> 00:35:50,580
Why? Because your bros
are always there for you.
935
00:35:50,582 --> 00:35:54,184
They have got your back
after your ho
rips your heart out.
936
00:35:54,186 --> 00:35:58,522
And you were nothing
but great to your ho.
937
00:35:58,524 --> 00:36:00,857
And you told her
that she was
the only ho for you,
938
00:36:00,859 --> 00:36:03,894
and that she was better
than all the other
hos in the world.
939
00:36:05,563 --> 00:36:08,465
Bros before hos.
940
00:36:08,467 --> 00:36:10,233
Fraternities. They
live and die on the
concept of brotherhood.
941
00:36:10,235 --> 00:36:13,570
The only way to
break it apart is
to get in there,
942
00:36:13,572 --> 00:36:17,274
infiltrate a party,
and get them to
put hos before bros.
943
00:36:17,276 --> 00:36:19,442
Hos don't go before bros.
It just doesn't
work like that.
944
00:36:19,444 --> 00:36:20,944
A ho has never
gone before a bro.
945
00:36:20,946 --> 00:36:23,180
Maybe I have been a ho
who's taken down some bros.
946
00:36:23,182 --> 00:36:24,748
Ho, no, you haven't.
I'm just saying.
947
00:36:24,750 --> 00:36:26,883
You have?
That is messed up.
948
00:36:26,885 --> 00:36:28,518
I'm saying,
that's the only way.
949
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:30,487
We've got to get in there,
we gotta infiltrate.
950
00:36:30,489 --> 00:36:32,822
Get those little
motherfuckers, turn
them against each other.
951
00:36:32,824 --> 00:36:34,224
Okay.
I'm serious.
952
00:36:34,226 --> 00:36:35,325
Just ease up.
953
00:36:35,327 --> 00:36:36,760
Sorry.
954
00:36:36,762 --> 00:36:38,662
She's on the fast road
to her first
word being "cunt."
955
00:36:38,664 --> 00:36:40,697
It's not cool here.
Sorry.
956
00:36:40,699 --> 00:36:42,399
We're gonna make them
put hos before bros.
957
00:36:42,401 --> 00:36:45,535
Step one,
lock down a babysitter.
958
00:36:45,537 --> 00:36:47,204
Get this one taken care of.
959
00:36:47,206 --> 00:36:48,438
Yeah?
Right?
960
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:49,539
Yeah?
Right?
961
00:36:49,541 --> 00:36:51,808
Yeah.
We're gonna get these guys.
962
00:36:51,810 --> 00:36:53,276
Yo.
I've been waiting forever.
963
00:36:53,278 --> 00:36:56,613
What is she doing here?
Wait. What is
he doing here?
964
00:36:56,615 --> 00:36:57,881
Look, we're friends
with both of you.
965
00:36:57,883 --> 00:36:59,482
Fucking just learn
to deal with it, okay?
966
00:36:59,484 --> 00:37:01,318
This is an abomination.
967
00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:03,987
You... right now,
both of you have to
make a choice right now.
968
00:37:03,989 --> 00:37:06,223
Me or her, choose.
It's up to you. You choose.
969
00:37:06,225 --> 00:37:08,258
Shut the fuck up.
970
00:37:08,260 --> 00:37:10,227
We're on a mission.
971
00:37:10,229 --> 00:37:11,628
Yes, ma'am.
I was just kidding.
972
00:37:12,730 --> 00:37:13,930
Yo.
973
00:37:13,932 --> 00:37:15,532
You here to ask us to
turn the music down?
974
00:37:15,534 --> 00:37:16,967
Because that's
not gonna happen.
975
00:37:16,969 --> 00:37:19,469
No, we're here to
tell you to turn it up.
976
00:37:19,471 --> 00:37:22,339
Shit, homie,
we've been beefing
for too long.
977
00:37:22,341 --> 00:37:24,708
We just want to
squash this like a bug.
978
00:37:24,710 --> 00:37:27,410
That's all my weed,
and it's really hard
for me to get weed.
979
00:37:27,412 --> 00:37:28,378
Oh, shit.
980
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:31,982
Okay, you guys can come in.
981
00:37:31,984 --> 00:37:33,817
No 'shrooms for you, mister.
982
00:37:33,819 --> 00:37:34,818
Don't worry about it, man.
983
00:37:34,820 --> 00:37:35,986
All right.
984
00:37:36,887 --> 00:37:38,288
(Hip-hop music playing)
985
00:38:01,345 --> 00:38:03,847
Okay, Teddy's fucking
Brooke, but Brooke
wants to fuck Pete.
986
00:38:03,849 --> 00:38:06,650
But she's afraid
because Pete and Teddy
are best friends.
987
00:38:06,652 --> 00:38:08,918
We've gotta get Brooke
to hook up with Pete publicly.
988
00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:10,620
Then Teddy is
gonna want to kill Pete
989
00:38:10,622 --> 00:38:12,722
and the whole
frat will implode.
990
00:38:12,724 --> 00:38:15,458
Paula, flirt with scoonie.
Keep him talking
and distracted.
991
00:38:15,460 --> 00:38:16,760
Okey-dokey.
992
00:38:16,762 --> 00:38:18,528
Jimmy, isolate Whitney.
993
00:38:18,530 --> 00:38:19,696
Okey-dokey.
994
00:38:19,698 --> 00:38:20,964
What do I do?
Do I get to
do something?
995
00:38:20,966 --> 00:38:22,866
You're on Teddy patrol.
Keep him close.
996
00:38:22,868 --> 00:38:23,900
He's gotta see
them hooking up.
997
00:38:23,902 --> 00:38:25,402
Otherwise,
this plan won't work.
998
00:38:25,404 --> 00:38:29,806
we've only got a few
minutes before they go
upstairs and start fucking.
999
00:38:29,808 --> 00:38:31,775
Okay, let's do it.
Okay?
1000
00:38:31,777 --> 00:38:32,676
Let's go.
Go team.
1001
00:38:36,681 --> 00:38:38,548
What? What?
1002
00:38:38,550 --> 00:38:39,949
Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
1003
00:38:39,951 --> 00:38:41,651
Cutting through.
1004
00:38:41,653 --> 00:38:43,520
What it is, y'all.
1005
00:38:43,522 --> 00:38:45,755
What's up?
1006
00:38:45,757 --> 00:38:47,424
What's this, a dance-off?
1007
00:38:47,426 --> 00:38:49,559
I don't know, bitch.
Is it a dance-off?
1008
00:38:49,561 --> 00:38:51,561
You tell me.
I think it's a dance-off.
1009
00:38:51,563 --> 00:38:52,629
Garf on speakers:
Oh, shit!
1010
00:38:52,631 --> 00:38:54,798
Dance-off!
1011
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:56,666
(All cheering)
1012
00:38:59,036 --> 00:39:01,871
Jesus Christ,
not another dance-off.
1013
00:39:01,873 --> 00:39:03,707
He likes them.
1014
00:39:03,709 --> 00:39:05,375
How about
some shots, guys?
1015
00:39:05,377 --> 00:39:06,643
Okay, yeah!
1016
00:39:06,645 --> 00:39:08,044
Sure!
1017
00:39:09,580 --> 00:39:10,980
(Dance music playing)
1018
00:39:42,046 --> 00:39:44,481
Cheers.
Here we go.
1019
00:39:44,483 --> 00:39:45,615
Cheers. Here we go.
1020
00:39:48,819 --> 00:39:50,053
Another one!
Another one!
1021
00:39:52,723 --> 00:39:54,057
One more, one more,
one more.
1022
00:39:54,059 --> 00:39:55,558
I can't.
No.
1023
00:39:56,060 --> 00:39:57,727
I don't want to.
1024
00:39:57,729 --> 00:39:59,396
Oh, shit.
1025
00:39:59,398 --> 00:40:00,930
I think I'm drunk.
1026
00:40:00,932 --> 00:40:02,932
You guys are
so cute together.
1027
00:40:02,934 --> 00:40:04,134
No!
No!
1028
00:40:04,136 --> 00:40:05,869
No. She's my...
1029
00:40:05,871 --> 00:40:07,003
I'm with Teddy.
She's with Teddy.
1030
00:40:07,005 --> 00:40:08,538
So you guys have
never hooked up?
1031
00:40:08,540 --> 00:40:09,706
No!
1032
00:40:09,708 --> 00:40:11,007
You're blushing.
1033
00:40:11,009 --> 00:40:12,675
No, I'm not.
You are.
1034
00:40:13,677 --> 00:40:14,944
You guys have gotta relax.
1035
00:40:25,656 --> 00:40:26,756
Shit!
1036
00:40:31,095 --> 00:40:33,530
You're so cute.
You're like a little possum.
1037
00:40:33,532 --> 00:40:35,465
Look at you.
I'm a possum.
1038
00:40:35,467 --> 00:40:36,599
I'm a possum.
1039
00:40:47,445 --> 00:40:48,878
No...
1040
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:51,214
No! No, no, no, okay? No!
1041
00:40:52,850 --> 00:40:54,984
Just a little taste,
a little taste.
1042
00:41:10,534 --> 00:41:12,502
That was sexy.
Can I make out
with someone now?
1043
00:41:12,504 --> 00:41:14,804
What are you doing?
We have 60 seconds
before they go upstairs.
1044
00:41:14,806 --> 00:41:16,005
Get in the dance circle.
1045
00:41:16,007 --> 00:41:17,907
Okay, okay.
I'm winning, by the way.
1046
00:41:17,909 --> 00:41:19,509
(Dance music playing)
1047
00:42:14,298 --> 00:42:16,032
(Brooke moaning)
1048
00:42:18,235 --> 00:42:19,869
Hey, man.
Both: Oh, shit!
1049
00:42:19,871 --> 00:42:21,538
I think Teddy saw you.
1050
00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:23,573
What? No.
1051
00:42:23,575 --> 00:42:25,675
No, no, no. Shit. Shit.
1052
00:42:29,313 --> 00:42:30,647
Hey, what's up, man?
1053
00:42:30,649 --> 00:42:31,714
Hey, man.
1054
00:42:31,716 --> 00:42:32,815
What's up?
1055
00:42:32,817 --> 00:42:35,652
What's up? You good?
1056
00:42:35,654 --> 00:42:36,920
Yeah, I'm good, man.
How's it going?
1057
00:42:36,922 --> 00:42:38,922
Everything's good.
Fucking great party.
1058
00:42:38,924 --> 00:42:40,023
Great party, right?
Awesome party.
1059
00:42:40,025 --> 00:42:41,090
Yeah?
1060
00:42:41,092 --> 00:42:42,258
Yeah, man.
Yeah.
1061
00:42:46,130 --> 00:42:48,631
And we got
a fight over here!
1062
00:42:48,633 --> 00:42:50,700
(People chattering excitedly)
1063
00:42:50,702 --> 00:42:52,602
Fuck, are you okay, man?
Dude, I'm so...
(Yells)
1064
00:42:56,740 --> 00:42:57,740
(Squeaks)
1065
00:42:57,742 --> 00:42:59,809
Crowd: Oh!
1066
00:42:59,811 --> 00:43:01,244
Is that how people fight now?
What are they doing?
1067
00:43:01,912 --> 00:43:02,812
Let go, let go.
1068
00:43:03,881 --> 00:43:05,048
I'll never let go.
1069
00:43:05,050 --> 00:43:07,216
I'll hold onto
your balls forever.
1070
00:43:13,190 --> 00:43:15,191
What are you
thinking about?
1071
00:43:15,193 --> 00:43:16,593
Why are you so calm?
1072
00:43:18,762 --> 00:43:20,863
(Screams)
What the fuck? Ew!
1073
00:43:20,865 --> 00:43:22,665
So gross!
1074
00:43:22,667 --> 00:43:24,133
I never wanted to
have to use that on you!
1075
00:43:24,135 --> 00:43:25,268
What the fuck, man?
1076
00:43:25,270 --> 00:43:27,170
It's a blessing and a curse!
1077
00:43:27,172 --> 00:43:29,739
Get the fuck out of here!
You're so gross!
1078
00:43:29,741 --> 00:43:31,007
(Teddy continues screaming)
1079
00:43:31,009 --> 00:43:32,308
God damn it.
1080
00:43:34,044 --> 00:43:35,945
Throw shit off the porch!
1081
00:43:35,947 --> 00:43:38,881
All: (Chanting)
Throw shit off the porch.
Throw shit off the porch.
1082
00:43:38,883 --> 00:43:41,651
Let's throw shit
off the porch! Whoo!
1083
00:43:47,057 --> 00:43:49,258
Yes!
Come on, delta psi!
1084
00:43:49,260 --> 00:43:50,960
All: Whoa!
1085
00:43:56,133 --> 00:43:58,001
(Crowd gasping)
1086
00:43:59,269 --> 00:44:00,403
Holy fuck.
1087
00:44:02,406 --> 00:44:07,176
Somebody call 911!
1088
00:44:07,711 --> 00:44:09,379
(Groans)
1089
00:44:09,381 --> 00:44:11,014
He's still alive.
1090
00:44:11,016 --> 00:44:12,649
He's still alive!
1091
00:44:12,651 --> 00:44:13,883
All: (Chanting)
He's still alive.
1092
00:44:13,885 --> 00:44:15,652
Oh, shit.
1093
00:44:15,654 --> 00:44:16,986
We didn't kill anyone.
We didn't kill anyone.
1094
00:44:16,988 --> 00:44:18,221
Paula: Hey, guys!
1095
00:44:18,223 --> 00:44:20,023
What do you think
of my new necklace?
1096
00:44:20,025 --> 00:44:21,290
It's a choker.
1097
00:44:21,959 --> 00:44:23,259
(Exclaiming in shock)
1098
00:44:25,829 --> 00:44:27,130
I fucking did it!
I totally did it.
1099
00:44:27,132 --> 00:44:28,164
We couldn't have
planned it better.
1100
00:44:28,866 --> 00:44:30,366
That was incredible!
1101
00:44:31,268 --> 00:44:33,102
We're celebrating.
1102
00:44:33,104 --> 00:44:34,737
Fuck it.
I'll pump and dump.
1103
00:44:34,739 --> 00:44:36,039
(Dance music playing)
1104
00:44:52,723 --> 00:44:53,423
We fucking did it.
1105
00:44:54,759 --> 00:44:58,728
Baby, let's be spontaneous.
Let's go fuck on
the kitchen floor.
1106
00:44:58,730 --> 00:44:59,896
Yes!
Come on.
1107
00:44:59,898 --> 00:45:02,465
Let's do that shit. Whoo!
Let's do it!
1108
00:45:02,467 --> 00:45:04,200
Let's do something
we've never done.
Okay.
1109
00:45:04,202 --> 00:45:06,169
I don't know.
Hit me with something.
1110
00:45:06,171 --> 00:45:07,804
Okay.
Smack me.
1111
00:45:07,806 --> 00:45:09,005
Let's be crazy.
1112
00:45:09,007 --> 00:45:10,773
Okay.
Ow! Fuck!
1113
00:45:10,775 --> 00:45:12,875
Fuck! Hey! Shit, stop!
Stop! I don't like it,
I don't like it!
1114
00:45:12,877 --> 00:45:14,410
I like it.
I don't like it, stop!
1115
00:45:14,412 --> 00:45:15,745
This is turning me on.
I don't like it.
1116
00:45:15,747 --> 00:45:17,113
I like it.
Don't do that!
1117
00:45:17,115 --> 00:45:17,980
Sorry.
It hurts.
1118
00:45:17,982 --> 00:45:19,282
Okay.
Okay.
1119
00:45:19,284 --> 00:45:20,483
Let's do something crazy.
1120
00:45:20,485 --> 00:45:22,185
Why don't I stick
something up your ass?
1121
00:45:23,420 --> 00:45:25,388
No, not tonight. Not tonight.
1122
00:45:25,390 --> 00:45:26,723
Can I stick
something up your ass?
1123
00:45:26,725 --> 00:45:27,790
No, I'm not that drunk.
1124
00:45:27,792 --> 00:45:29,025
Oh, I'm gonna come soon.
1125
00:45:29,027 --> 00:45:30,326
Okay, I'm not even close.
1126
00:45:30,328 --> 00:45:31,961
I'm gonna come.
Come, baby.
1127
00:45:31,963 --> 00:45:33,930
I'm coming.
Are you close?
1128
00:45:33,932 --> 00:45:35,832
Come on.
1129
00:45:35,834 --> 00:45:37,500
And... I'm too drunk to come.
1130
00:45:37,502 --> 00:45:39,469
I'm not gonna come.
1131
00:45:39,471 --> 00:45:41,838
It's gone mushy.
Thank you, sire.
1132
00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:45,341
(In British accent) I will
take the gentleman's route
out and call it a day,
1133
00:45:45,343 --> 00:45:49,378
for no ejaculation
will be occurring
due to over-intoxication.
1134
00:45:52,382 --> 00:45:55,151
(In normal accent)
That's how adults do it.
1135
00:45:55,153 --> 00:45:56,085
I love you, baby.
1136
00:45:56,087 --> 00:45:57,920
Baby, I love you.
1137
00:45:57,922 --> 00:45:59,188
We're a great team.
1138
00:45:59,190 --> 00:46:00,223
Baby, we're a hot team.
1139
00:46:02,092 --> 00:46:03,793
My boobs really hurt.
1140
00:46:04,762 --> 00:46:06,796
I think I should
probably pump.
1141
00:46:06,798 --> 00:46:08,898
My boobs are
feeling really full.
1142
00:46:08,900 --> 00:46:11,100
I like 'em like that.
1143
00:46:11,102 --> 00:46:13,469
I like 'em full, baby.
1144
00:46:20,077 --> 00:46:22,211
We did it.
We did it.
1145
00:46:22,213 --> 00:46:23,780
That's a beautiful thing.
1146
00:46:23,782 --> 00:46:25,481
Bros before hos,
motherfucker.
1147
00:46:25,483 --> 00:46:27,350
That dude forgot
the golden rule.
1148
00:46:27,352 --> 00:46:29,318
I feel like shit.
1149
00:46:29,320 --> 00:46:30,453
But I love it.
1150
00:46:30,455 --> 00:46:32,021
(Both laughing)
1151
00:46:33,023 --> 00:46:34,157
Oh, my boobs.
1152
00:46:34,159 --> 00:46:35,558
Oh, God.
1153
00:46:35,560 --> 00:46:37,894
I gotta feed Stella.
Okay.
1154
00:46:37,896 --> 00:46:40,797
Is she awake?
I'm more milk than woman.
1155
00:46:41,932 --> 00:46:43,199
I gotta get
this out of me.
1156
00:46:43,201 --> 00:46:44,567
Get it out of you.
1157
00:46:46,270 --> 00:46:49,205
Wait. Wait, wait, wait!
1158
00:46:49,207 --> 00:46:51,240
Wait. Wait, no! Wait!
1159
00:46:51,242 --> 00:46:54,377
Wait. Wait. Wait.
1160
00:46:54,379 --> 00:46:56,112
Whoa. Wait. Wait.
1161
00:46:56,114 --> 00:46:58,114
No, no, no!
What? What?
1162
00:46:58,116 --> 00:46:59,916
Don't slap my boob.
1163
00:46:59,918 --> 00:47:02,819
There's booze in your boobs.
There's booze in your boobs.
1164
00:47:02,821 --> 00:47:04,253
It's poison.
It's alcohol.
1165
00:47:04,255 --> 00:47:07,089
There's alcohol in there.
1166
00:47:07,091 --> 00:47:09,992
It's like a white Russian.
Lay down, sweetie.
1167
00:47:09,994 --> 00:47:12,261
Kelly: Oh, it fucking hurts!
I need this milk out of me.
1168
00:47:12,263 --> 00:47:14,230
Okay, we'll get that milk out.
Get the pump. Ow!
1169
00:47:15,399 --> 00:47:17,200
Okay, I got it.
1170
00:47:17,202 --> 00:47:19,202
Fuck me!
Fucking idiot!
1171
00:47:19,204 --> 00:47:20,436
What are you doing?
I'm sorry.
1172
00:47:20,438 --> 00:47:23,139
Fuck. Oh, no.
Okay, relax.
1173
00:47:23,141 --> 00:47:24,440
I'm sorry. What the fuck?
1174
00:47:24,442 --> 00:47:26,576
It broke.
I totally broke it.
1175
00:47:26,578 --> 00:47:28,277
I don't even know
what the fuck to
do with this.
1176
00:47:28,612 --> 00:47:29,979
Oh, no.
1177
00:47:29,981 --> 00:47:31,948
Oh, shit!
1178
00:47:31,950 --> 00:47:34,016
Oh, they're hulking out!
They're gonna blow.
1179
00:47:34,018 --> 00:47:35,551
What is happening to me?
1180
00:47:35,553 --> 00:47:40,223
Oh, gross! They look
like my grandma's legs.
1181
00:47:40,225 --> 00:47:42,592
Okay, let me call my mom.
She'll tell us
what to do right now.
1182
00:47:42,594 --> 00:47:44,260
Do not call your mother!
1183
00:47:44,262 --> 00:47:46,596
Jesus! You Jews and
your fucking mothers!
1184
00:47:46,598 --> 00:47:48,030
What do I do?
1185
00:47:48,032 --> 00:47:49,198
Milk me.
What?
1186
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:52,501
I don't want to milk you.
Well, you're gonna have to.
1187
00:47:52,503 --> 00:47:54,270
I don't fucking want to!
What do you mean "milk you"?
1188
00:47:54,272 --> 00:47:55,238
You don't have a choice!
1189
00:47:55,240 --> 00:47:56,873
Be a man and milk me.
1190
00:47:56,875 --> 00:47:58,941
Milk yourself!
Try milking yourself!
1191
00:47:58,943 --> 00:48:00,042
I can't...
1192
00:48:00,044 --> 00:48:01,510
Ow! (Sobbing)
1193
00:48:01,512 --> 00:48:03,246
Oh! I'm sorry. Okay.
1194
00:48:03,248 --> 00:48:05,948
Get on your hands and knees.
We need a pail or something.
1195
00:48:05,950 --> 00:48:07,917
What?
You gotta get on
your hands and knees.
1196
00:48:07,919 --> 00:48:10,052
I'm not a cow!
Well, how else do you do it?
1197
00:48:10,054 --> 00:48:13,322
There's no normal way
to milk a human woman.
1198
00:48:13,324 --> 00:48:14,323
Okay, okay!
Come on!
1199
00:48:16,260 --> 00:48:17,627
Ow!
1200
00:48:17,629 --> 00:48:19,195
I can't do it.
Don't yell, just try to...
1201
00:48:19,197 --> 00:48:20,363
Come on! Ow!
I'm sorry.
1202
00:48:21,231 --> 00:48:22,331
It's not working.
1203
00:48:22,333 --> 00:48:24,066
(Groaning)
(Grunting)
1204
00:48:24,068 --> 00:48:25,368
(Screams)
Oh, fuck!
1205
00:48:25,370 --> 00:48:27,203
Oh, fuck.
Oh, God.
1206
00:48:27,205 --> 00:48:29,005
Yeah!
(Grunts in relief)
1207
00:48:29,007 --> 00:48:30,072
Boo-ya!
1208
00:48:30,074 --> 00:48:31,474
Okay.
1209
00:48:31,476 --> 00:48:32,675
Whoo!
1210
00:48:34,077 --> 00:48:35,244
We are not high-fiving.
1211
00:48:35,246 --> 00:48:36,913
Oh, God.
1212
00:48:36,915 --> 00:48:40,316
They say it tastes
good to the baby.
It tastes funny to me.
1213
00:48:40,318 --> 00:48:42,084
Just relax. Just settle down.
Okay.
1214
00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:46,555
I got, like,
four pails out of you.
1215
00:48:46,557 --> 00:48:48,124
We should go
mom tipping later.
1216
00:48:48,126 --> 00:48:49,692
(Laughing)
Hey, too soon.
1217
00:48:49,694 --> 00:48:51,494
Okay, too soon.
Way too soon.
1218
00:48:51,496 --> 00:48:54,297
Yeah, I agree.
I'm just trying to
lighten the moo-ood.
1219
00:48:55,499 --> 00:48:57,934
Moo-ood.
1220
00:48:57,936 --> 00:48:59,635
Stop it.
I know.
1221
00:48:59,637 --> 00:49:02,038
I'm gonna move
back to Australia
if you don't stop.
1222
00:49:02,040 --> 00:49:04,206
Now I can't stop
thinking of them.
1223
00:49:04,208 --> 00:49:05,541
Okay.
Mac...
1224
00:49:05,543 --> 00:49:07,310
That was udder-ly traumatic.
1225
00:49:07,678 --> 00:49:09,145
Please stop.
1226
00:49:09,147 --> 00:49:11,681
How much of you is
traumatized? 2%? 1%?
1227
00:49:12,449 --> 00:49:14,083
That was a cheesy one.
1228
00:49:14,085 --> 00:49:15,418
That was good.
You like that?
1229
00:49:15,420 --> 00:49:17,153
You did it. See?
(Laughs)
1230
00:49:17,155 --> 00:49:18,554
Yeah?
1231
00:49:18,556 --> 00:49:19,655
But you know what?
You hear that?
1232
00:49:20,190 --> 00:49:21,724
It's victory.
1233
00:49:21,726 --> 00:49:23,059
We can finally go
back to our lives.
1234
00:49:23,061 --> 00:49:25,328
It's over.
1235
00:49:25,330 --> 00:49:27,029
What the heck are
you guys doing here?
Where's Pete?
1236
00:49:27,031 --> 00:49:28,664
I don't know. At some
job fair or some shit.
1237
00:49:28,666 --> 00:49:30,333
What the heck's more
important than this?
1238
00:49:30,335 --> 00:49:32,201
Hey, I just wanna
let you guys know
1239
00:49:32,203 --> 00:49:34,603
that I ate
a whole pot brownie
before coming in here
1240
00:49:34,605 --> 00:49:37,039
and I am really starting
to feel it right now.
Yeah.
1241
00:49:37,041 --> 00:49:38,641
Why would you do that?
1242
00:49:38,643 --> 00:49:41,210
Guys, don't talk.
Please let me handle this.
1243
00:49:41,212 --> 00:49:42,511
Okay.
1244
00:49:42,513 --> 00:49:44,413
(Clears throat)
(Whistles)
1245
00:49:44,415 --> 00:49:47,717
"Fraternity severely injures
economics Professor."
1246
00:49:48,685 --> 00:49:50,152
What is this?
1247
00:49:50,154 --> 00:49:51,454
It's a headline.
1248
00:49:51,456 --> 00:49:53,289
Is it a good one,
or a bad one?
1249
00:49:53,291 --> 00:49:54,457
It's a bad one.
1250
00:49:54,459 --> 00:49:56,292
Yeah, it's
a really bad one.
1251
00:49:56,294 --> 00:49:58,060
It's a bad one.
1252
00:49:58,062 --> 00:50:00,429
I promise you, as
the president of delta psi,
1253
00:50:00,431 --> 00:50:03,032
that we will find
a way to right this wrong.
1254
00:50:03,034 --> 00:50:04,533
(Laughing)
1255
00:50:04,535 --> 00:50:05,668
Very sorry about this.
1256
00:50:07,471 --> 00:50:09,038
You know what? That's it.
1257
00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:12,074
You're on probation
until the end of the year.
1258
00:50:12,076 --> 00:50:14,343
Okay? You so much
as throw a party,
1259
00:50:14,345 --> 00:50:18,347
generate a noise complaint,
or end up on
any sort of headline,
1260
00:50:18,349 --> 00:50:19,715
and you are out.
1261
00:50:19,717 --> 00:50:21,317
Please don't put us
on probation.
1262
00:50:21,319 --> 00:50:23,319
What about the
end-of-the-year bash, Teddy?
1263
00:50:23,321 --> 00:50:25,488
I mean, we have to
get on the wall, plus
we bought the kegs.
1264
00:50:25,490 --> 00:50:27,456
What, is she gonna reimburse
us for those kegs?
1265
00:50:27,458 --> 00:50:29,158
Are you gonna reimburse us
for those kegs?
No.
1266
00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:30,593
Scoonie. Not now.
1267
00:50:31,795 --> 00:50:33,062
Get out!
1268
00:50:34,431 --> 00:50:35,598
I'm so sorry.
1269
00:50:35,600 --> 00:50:37,500
Mmm-hmm.
1270
00:50:37,502 --> 00:50:40,336
I just want to let you know,
I ate a pot brownie
before coming in here.
1271
00:50:40,338 --> 00:50:43,272
I'm the opposite
of the person
you say that to.
1272
00:50:43,274 --> 00:50:46,609
That could have been
two strikes, right there.
1273
00:50:46,611 --> 00:50:48,277
(Indistinct conversations)
1274
00:50:49,780 --> 00:50:51,147
Oh, there he is.
1275
00:50:51,715 --> 00:50:53,249
Holy shit.
1276
00:50:53,251 --> 00:50:55,217
I'm just kidding. Sort of.
1277
00:50:55,219 --> 00:50:56,552
What's up, man?
1278
00:50:56,554 --> 00:50:58,087
Thanks for missing
our meeting, Mr. vp.
1279
00:50:58,089 --> 00:51:00,689
I had this job interview,
so...
1280
00:51:00,691 --> 00:51:03,159
No, no, clearly you had
more important things to do.
1281
00:51:03,161 --> 00:51:04,360
Yeah.
1282
00:51:04,362 --> 00:51:05,728
So, how'd the meeting go?
1283
00:51:05,730 --> 00:51:07,163
Oh, it went great.
It went great.
1284
00:51:07,165 --> 00:51:08,798
We're on probation.
We can't party.
1285
00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:10,766
Shit. That's a bummer.
Mmm-hmm.
1286
00:51:14,171 --> 00:51:19,075
So, are we cool with
what happened last night?
1287
00:51:19,077 --> 00:51:21,410
Bros before hos. Right?
1288
00:51:21,412 --> 00:51:22,311
Yeah.
Right?
1289
00:51:22,846 --> 00:51:24,313
Yeah, man.
1290
00:51:24,315 --> 00:51:25,748
Junk before trunk.
1291
00:51:27,217 --> 00:51:28,717
All right,
balls before dolls.
1292
00:51:28,719 --> 00:51:31,487
Compadres before
I sleep with tu madres.
1293
00:51:31,489 --> 00:51:33,422
Brad pitt before grab clit.
1294
00:51:33,424 --> 00:51:35,091
Deez nuts before
skinny sluts.
1295
00:51:35,093 --> 00:51:36,692
Masturbate before
I ask her to date.
1296
00:51:36,694 --> 00:51:39,528
Beef stew before
watching the view.
1297
00:51:39,530 --> 00:51:42,264
Male erection
before one direction.
1298
00:51:42,266 --> 00:51:45,568
Mario and Luigi
before Thelma & Louise-ee.
1299
00:51:45,570 --> 00:51:48,370
Bert and Ernie
before squirtin' spermy.
1300
00:51:48,372 --> 00:51:52,508
Man purses
before regular purses.
1301
00:51:52,510 --> 00:51:53,442
Makes sense.
Yeah.
1302
00:51:53,444 --> 00:51:58,180
Sports before genital warts...
No, fuckin'. That's bad.
1303
00:51:58,182 --> 00:51:59,815
That was a little weird.
I'm fading a little bit.
1304
00:51:59,817 --> 00:52:02,218
John madden before...
1305
00:52:02,220 --> 00:52:04,653
Jasmine from Aladdin!
Jasmine from Aladdin!
1306
00:52:04,655 --> 00:52:06,122
Yes!
1307
00:52:06,124 --> 00:52:08,324
We just said it
at the same time!
1308
00:52:08,326 --> 00:52:09,658
All right, man,
I should probably...
1309
00:52:09,660 --> 00:52:10,626
But, I'll see you
back at the house, yeah?
1310
00:52:10,628 --> 00:52:11,894
See you, brother.
1311
00:52:11,896 --> 00:52:12,761
All right. Good talk, man.
Later.
1312
00:52:14,664 --> 00:52:16,565
Hey! You delta psi?
1313
00:52:16,567 --> 00:52:18,567
Yeah. Are you a delta?
1314
00:52:18,569 --> 00:52:21,203
No, my roommate was.
I used to wear his
ties to get girls.
1315
00:52:22,405 --> 00:52:23,806
You interested in
working for at&t?
1316
00:52:24,441 --> 00:52:25,808
What do you guys do?
1317
00:52:27,344 --> 00:52:30,813
We're a giant
telecommunications
corporation.
1318
00:52:30,815 --> 00:52:32,515
Cell phones.
Oh.
1319
00:52:32,517 --> 00:52:34,183
What's your gpa?
1320
00:52:34,185 --> 00:52:35,251
Like, low twos.
1321
00:52:35,852 --> 00:52:37,820
I'm just kidding. High ones.
1322
00:52:39,823 --> 00:52:41,857
We're actually
looking for candidates
1323
00:52:41,859 --> 00:52:43,692
that are a little more
academically inclined.
1324
00:52:43,694 --> 00:52:46,262
So, you have a nice day.
1325
00:52:46,264 --> 00:52:47,630
What does that mean?
1326
00:52:47,632 --> 00:52:49,265
It means you're too dumb.
1327
00:52:51,501 --> 00:52:52,468
Good luck, bro.
1328
00:52:52,470 --> 00:52:53,569
Okay.
1329
00:52:55,906 --> 00:52:58,574
Pete: I hope we can "build"
a great future together.
1330
00:52:58,576 --> 00:52:59,441
Architecture joke.
1331
00:53:00,577 --> 00:53:01,644
I know!
1332
00:53:02,712 --> 00:53:04,580
I like to have fun with it.
1333
00:53:04,582 --> 00:53:05,881
Lame.
1334
00:53:10,921 --> 00:53:12,855
Big Mac!
Yo!
1335
00:53:12,857 --> 00:53:14,690
There he is.
Hey!
1336
00:53:14,692 --> 00:53:16,325
Hey.
Hello.
1337
00:53:16,327 --> 00:53:18,928
You know,
I was just thinking,
1338
00:53:18,930 --> 00:53:21,730
it would be great
to have you and Kelly
1339
00:53:21,732 --> 00:53:24,567
and your little princess
over for a play date.
1340
00:53:24,569 --> 00:53:26,569
We'll put it on the books.
Okay, cool. Great.
1341
00:53:26,571 --> 00:53:28,270
Sometime soon. I'll just...
I'll get back to you.
1342
00:53:28,272 --> 00:53:28,938
Yeah.
Great.
1343
00:53:30,740 --> 00:53:35,511
"And the dog goes,
'woof, woof, woof, woof!
1344
00:53:35,513 --> 00:53:39,548
"'Woof, woof, woof!'"
1345
00:53:39,550 --> 00:53:41,984
oh, hi, baby.
Mac: How's it going?
1346
00:53:41,986 --> 00:53:44,453
Oh, good.
Yeah, I'm good, I'm fine.
1347
00:53:44,455 --> 00:53:45,588
I'm fine.
1348
00:53:45,590 --> 00:53:47,456
I'm a bit bored,
but I'm fine. I'm fine.
1349
00:53:47,458 --> 00:53:48,857
Yeah, I'm bored, too.
1350
00:53:48,859 --> 00:53:50,659
My boss just invited us
for a play date,
1351
00:53:50,661 --> 00:53:52,228
so we can both
just kill each other.
1352
00:53:52,230 --> 00:53:55,764
I kind of miss the rush
of messing with the frat.
1353
00:53:55,766 --> 00:53:57,700
I have to go. She's awake.
1354
00:53:57,702 --> 00:53:59,335
Okay, call me after.
Call me soon.
1355
00:54:06,576 --> 00:54:08,010
Teddy: Hey, neighbor.
1356
00:54:08,745 --> 00:54:10,279
Ooh!
1357
00:54:10,281 --> 00:54:11,280
(All laughing)
1358
00:54:14,351 --> 00:54:15,484
Okay. Are you ready?
1359
00:54:15,486 --> 00:54:17,019
Me and Kelly,
we have found a way
1360
00:54:17,021 --> 00:54:18,988
to give the frat
their last strike.
1361
00:54:18,990 --> 00:54:20,723
Get them out of here forever!
Out!
1362
00:54:20,725 --> 00:54:23,459
Why are we doing this?
Didn't we already win?
Remember?
1363
00:54:23,461 --> 00:54:25,794
"Bros before hos,"
that whole thing?
It's over!
1364
00:54:25,796 --> 00:54:27,730
They're still fucking
there! There's beer
cans on the lawn.
1365
00:54:27,732 --> 00:54:28,597
They're barbecuing.
1366
00:54:28,599 --> 00:54:29,832
So?
"So?"
1367
00:54:29,834 --> 00:54:31,367
It smells delicious in here.
1368
00:54:31,369 --> 00:54:33,002
Try living next to it.
Try living next to it!
1369
00:54:33,004 --> 00:54:34,703
Hey, you guys don't
want to go back to your
1370
00:54:34,705 --> 00:54:36,305
boring ass lives as parents.
That's what it is.
1371
00:54:36,307 --> 00:54:38,307
I'm surprised and
shocked, honestly,
1372
00:54:38,309 --> 00:54:40,042
that it is so hard
to convince you,
1373
00:54:40,044 --> 00:54:41,510
of all people,
that this is a good idea.
1374
00:54:41,512 --> 00:54:42,845
What?
1375
00:54:42,847 --> 00:54:46,849
One of those Childs
is having sex
with your wife.
1376
00:54:46,851 --> 00:54:49,018
It's fine. We're divorced.
1377
00:54:49,020 --> 00:54:50,819
Jimmy! Wake up!
Wake up, man.
1378
00:54:50,821 --> 00:54:52,721
His dick is this big!
1379
00:54:52,723 --> 00:54:54,356
"Hey, homie.
I'm gonna fuck your
wife with my giant dick."
1380
00:54:54,358 --> 00:54:55,858
"Oh, my God,
this is amazing."
1381
00:54:55,860 --> 00:54:57,326
"Oh, my God, homie.
It feels so good."
1382
00:54:57,328 --> 00:55:00,062
"It feels so good, homie."
"What are you doing later?"
1383
00:55:00,064 --> 00:55:01,397
"Oh, homie, let's do it.
Oh, God, homie."
1384
00:55:01,399 --> 00:55:02,498
"That's amazing."
1385
00:55:02,500 --> 00:55:04,800
Okay, enough! Stop imitating!
1386
00:55:04,802 --> 00:55:06,969
I get it!
He's got a huge dick!
1387
00:55:06,971 --> 00:55:07,936
And her vagina, "bye!"
It's ruined!
1388
00:55:07,938 --> 00:55:09,471
Mac: Destroyed. Gone!
1389
00:55:09,473 --> 00:55:11,073
It's like when you lend
a fat friend your shirt,
1390
00:55:11,075 --> 00:55:13,809
and it comes back,
and it's all
stretchy and flappy!
1391
00:55:13,811 --> 00:55:16,412
Sagging all over the place!
It'll be like this.
1392
00:55:17,647 --> 00:55:18,981
I'm in!
Mac: Yes!
1393
00:55:18,983 --> 00:55:22,051
Nice! Nice! Great!
Awesome, awesome!
1394
00:55:22,053 --> 00:55:23,686
What's the plan?
Okay, okay.
1395
00:55:23,688 --> 00:55:25,454
We've been thinking.
What gets frats
1396
00:55:25,456 --> 00:55:26,555
kicked out of schools
more than anything?
1397
00:55:27,057 --> 00:55:28,023
Rape!
1398
00:55:30,460 --> 00:55:32,795
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
1399
00:55:32,797 --> 00:55:33,996
Hazing scandals.
Hazing scandals!
1400
00:55:33,998 --> 00:55:35,064
Yes!
Hazing scandals!
1401
00:55:35,066 --> 00:55:38,400
You should've said it
before you let me answer.
1402
00:55:38,402 --> 00:55:40,636
We need all that equipment
you bought to spy on Paula.
1403
00:55:40,638 --> 00:55:43,072
I didn't...
(Laughs) What?
1404
00:55:44,107 --> 00:55:45,607
Just stop.
1405
00:55:45,609 --> 00:55:47,409
Mac: Look, you just take
these spy glasses.
1406
00:55:47,411 --> 00:55:49,078
They look totally
like normal glasses.
1407
00:55:49,080 --> 00:55:50,713
You wear them
into the frat house.
1408
00:55:50,715 --> 00:55:52,481
Teddy's gonna start
pushing you around
1409
00:55:52,483 --> 00:55:53,782
and fucking with you,
like he always does.
1410
00:55:53,784 --> 00:55:55,417
Like I've seen him
do a million times.
1411
00:55:55,419 --> 00:55:57,720
At that moment,
you just push back.
1412
00:55:57,722 --> 00:55:59,888
Okay? Just push back.
1413
00:55:59,890 --> 00:56:01,557
The rest will
take care of itself.
1414
00:56:01,559 --> 00:56:02,991
He'll haze
the fucking shit out of you.
1415
00:56:02,993 --> 00:56:04,927
It'll all get
caught on this camera.
1416
00:56:04,929 --> 00:56:06,895
Delta psi is gone,
you're a free man.
1417
00:56:07,864 --> 00:56:08,797
Those guys are my brothers.
1418
00:56:08,799 --> 00:56:10,699
Kelly: Your brothers?
1419
00:56:10,701 --> 00:56:12,368
Do you think your brothers
would really
treat you like that?
1420
00:56:12,370 --> 00:56:13,469
Think about what
they've done to you.
1421
00:56:13,471 --> 00:56:14,803
They dehumanized you.
1422
00:56:14,805 --> 00:56:16,805
They treated you like shit.
They degraded you.
1423
00:56:16,807 --> 00:56:18,474
Jimmy: You're an animal.
They called you assjuice.
1424
00:56:18,476 --> 00:56:19,575
Assjuice.
1425
00:56:19,577 --> 00:56:21,076
Kelly: Assjuice.
Mac: Assjuice.
1426
00:56:21,078 --> 00:56:22,845
Jimmy: Subhuman.
Kelly: Assjuice.
1427
00:56:22,847 --> 00:56:24,747
All: Assjuice. Assjuice.
1428
00:56:24,749 --> 00:56:26,949
Assjuice. Assjuice.
1429
00:56:26,951 --> 00:56:30,152
Assjuice! Assjuice!
Assjuice! Assjuice!
1430
00:56:30,154 --> 00:56:32,054
You better eat this
fucking dog food, now!
1431
00:56:32,689 --> 00:56:33,789
(Screaming)
1432
00:56:34,724 --> 00:56:35,991
Pete: What's the lesson?
1433
00:56:35,993 --> 00:56:39,595
Boys: Don't go to sleep!
1434
00:56:39,597 --> 00:56:41,430
This is your destiny,
assjuice.
1435
00:56:42,400 --> 00:56:45,734
All: (Chanting)
Assjuice! Assjuice! Assjuice!
1436
00:56:45,736 --> 00:56:47,636
Assjuice! Assjuice!
1437
00:56:47,638 --> 00:56:48,704
I don't know.
1438
00:56:48,706 --> 00:56:49,772
Jimmy: Everyone breaks, bro.
1439
00:56:49,774 --> 00:56:51,073
Biology.
1440
00:56:51,075 --> 00:56:52,474
That's from zero dark thirty.
1441
00:56:54,611 --> 00:56:56,645
You guys don't get it.
1442
00:56:56,647 --> 00:56:58,647
I've gone through hell.
1443
00:56:58,649 --> 00:57:00,816
I'm not gonna throw
that all away now.
1444
00:57:00,818 --> 00:57:02,985
You know how many bjs
I've been promised?
1445
00:57:03,620 --> 00:57:05,154
Infinite bjs.
1446
00:57:05,156 --> 00:57:07,723
Infinite. Infinite.
1447
00:57:07,725 --> 00:57:09,091
Infinite bjs.
1448
00:57:09,926 --> 00:57:12,861
Delta psi forever, ya bish.
1449
00:57:17,167 --> 00:57:19,768
We'll give you $1,000.
1450
00:57:19,770 --> 00:57:21,537
Okay. I'm in.
1451
00:57:21,539 --> 00:57:25,007
Nice! That was good!
Jimmy: That was good.
That was really good.
1452
00:57:25,009 --> 00:57:26,175
That was good.
That was sexy, too.
1453
00:57:27,477 --> 00:57:29,511
He looks like j.J. Abrams.
1454
00:57:29,513 --> 00:57:31,980
Mac: You look good.
It looks okay.
I think it's okay.
1455
00:57:31,982 --> 00:57:35,951
Move, elephants!
Move! Keep marching.
1456
00:57:35,953 --> 00:57:37,953
March!
1457
00:57:37,955 --> 00:57:39,888
March, march,
march, elephants.
1458
00:57:39,890 --> 00:57:40,989
I'm not doing this anymore.
1459
00:57:40,991 --> 00:57:42,090
Get back in line, assjuice!
1460
00:57:42,092 --> 00:57:43,492
Get back in line!
1461
00:57:43,494 --> 00:57:45,594
Fuck you.
I am not an elephant!
1462
00:57:45,596 --> 00:57:46,762
What did you just say to me?
1463
00:57:46,764 --> 00:57:48,130
I am not an elephant!
1464
00:57:48,132 --> 00:57:49,698
He's doing it.
He's doing it.
1465
00:57:49,700 --> 00:57:52,568
I'm a human man!
I have dignity!
1466
00:57:52,570 --> 00:57:54,736
We all have dignity!
Yes, assjuice, yes!
1467
00:57:54,738 --> 00:57:58,474
Our names are not fuckhead,
or jizzface, or lea Michele.
1468
00:57:58,476 --> 00:57:59,842
Lea Michele from glee?
That's actually funny.
1469
00:57:59,844 --> 00:58:00,909
Yeah, that's really funny.
1470
00:58:00,911 --> 00:58:02,010
It's Evan.
1471
00:58:04,180 --> 00:58:05,581
And Brendan.
1472
00:58:06,182 --> 00:58:07,583
And Juan.
1473
00:58:07,585 --> 00:58:09,618
So, fuck you.
1474
00:58:09,620 --> 00:58:11,186
Haze me. Say it.
1475
00:58:11,188 --> 00:58:13,589
Say it! Come on!
Say it, Teddy.
1476
00:58:13,591 --> 00:58:15,891
I will haze you
until your fucking
face falls off!
1477
00:58:15,893 --> 00:58:17,759
All: Yeah!
1478
00:58:18,963 --> 00:58:22,931
You're in so much
fucking trouble.
Come with me, pledge.
1479
00:58:22,933 --> 00:58:23,999
Assjuice: Oh, fuck.
1480
00:58:25,201 --> 00:58:26,235
Fuck him up, Teddy.
1481
00:58:29,272 --> 00:58:31,273
I'm sorry.
I'll do anything.
1482
00:58:36,779 --> 00:58:37,713
What's going on, Gary?
1483
00:58:39,048 --> 00:58:41,016
Are you okay, man?
You seem distraught.
1484
00:58:41,018 --> 00:58:45,087
I mean, you've always been,
in my opinion,
like, our strongest pledge,
1485
00:58:45,089 --> 00:58:46,588
and now you're talking back.
1486
00:58:46,590 --> 00:58:51,026
I'm fucking scared, man.
I'm tired all the time.
1487
00:58:51,028 --> 00:58:53,629
Fucking tired.
I miss my mom.
1488
00:58:53,631 --> 00:58:55,063
Oh, no, assjuice.
Breaking? The guy was right.
1489
00:58:55,065 --> 00:58:56,131
Everybody breaks.
1490
00:58:56,133 --> 00:58:57,799
Okay. I'll tell you what.
1491
00:58:57,801 --> 00:58:59,601
You go up to my room.
1492
00:58:59,603 --> 00:59:02,104
Lock the door,
draw yourself a bath. Relax.
1493
00:59:02,106 --> 00:59:03,672
(Gasps)
"Draw yourself a bath"?
1494
00:59:03,674 --> 00:59:05,841
Catch up on some z's,
okay? Take a nap.
1495
00:59:05,843 --> 00:59:07,209
Full season of girls
up there in the dvr.
1496
00:59:07,211 --> 00:59:08,911
We never planned for nice.
1497
00:59:08,913 --> 00:59:10,779
Thanks for talking to me,
brother. All right?
1498
00:59:10,781 --> 00:59:12,881
You can always come to me
with this kind of stuff,
all right?
1499
00:59:14,651 --> 00:59:17,219
You're doing a great job.
See you upstairs.
1500
00:59:17,221 --> 00:59:18,754
(Both imitating explosions)
1501
00:59:23,893 --> 00:59:26,228
I'm sorry, guys.
He's too good of a dude.
1502
00:59:26,829 --> 00:59:28,564
No!
Teddy!
1503
00:59:30,033 --> 00:59:31,800
What's up?
Yeah, one more thing.
1504
00:59:31,802 --> 00:59:35,170
These glasses,
there's a camera in them.
1505
00:59:35,172 --> 00:59:36,338
All: No!
1506
00:59:36,340 --> 00:59:37,739
Oh, my God!
1507
00:59:37,741 --> 00:59:38,974
The asset's gone rogue.
1508
00:59:38,976 --> 00:59:44,246
so the fraternity
would get dissolved.
1509
00:59:44,248 --> 00:59:47,215
And this isn't the first
time. No, no, no, no.
They flooded the basement.
1510
00:59:47,217 --> 00:59:49,785
They got brother Pete
to hook up
with sister Brooke.
1511
00:59:50,821 --> 00:59:53,689
It's okay.
They've been
after us for weeks.
1512
00:59:53,691 --> 00:59:55,223
No!
He's telling him everything!
1513
00:59:55,225 --> 00:59:56,925
Oh, my God!
Jesus Christ, guys!
1514
00:59:56,927 --> 00:59:58,126
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
1515
01:00:00,597 --> 01:00:01,263
Mac: Wait.
1516
01:00:02,031 --> 01:00:03,365
He's looking at us.
1517
01:00:03,367 --> 01:00:06,001
What are you doing?
He's looking at us.
1518
01:00:06,003 --> 01:00:08,804
You guys just crossed
the fucking line. You're dead.
1519
01:00:09,305 --> 01:00:10,272
We're dead?
1520
01:00:10,773 --> 01:00:12,140
(Yells)
1521
01:00:12,142 --> 01:00:13,976
Oh, God! Oh, my God!
That was scary.
1522
01:00:13,978 --> 01:00:15,844
Come on, guys.
Jesus.
1523
01:00:15,846 --> 01:00:17,980
How do you turn these off?
1524
01:00:17,982 --> 01:00:20,182
Assjuice: It's on the side.
1525
01:00:20,184 --> 01:00:23,218
(Singing) We're gonna
go to the shops
1526
01:00:23,220 --> 01:00:26,722
then we're gonna
go to mommy and me
1527
01:00:26,724 --> 01:00:30,192
and see all those
bitches that I hate
1528
01:00:30,194 --> 01:00:34,162
it's gonna be really boring
1529
01:00:34,164 --> 01:00:36,198
but we'll get
out of the house!
1530
01:00:45,241 --> 01:00:48,844
Kelly: I think the frat
has broken into the car
and stolen all of the airbags.
1531
01:00:48,846 --> 01:00:50,379
Airbags?
Yeah.
1532
01:00:50,381 --> 01:00:52,047
That's so weird.
Is anything else missing?
1533
01:00:52,049 --> 01:00:54,282
No!
Okay.
1534
01:00:54,284 --> 01:00:55,884
Why would they just break in
and steal the airbags?
1535
01:00:55,886 --> 01:00:57,252
I don't know. We should
file a police report...
1536
01:00:59,856 --> 01:01:01,356
(Groaning)
1537
01:01:03,026 --> 01:01:04,693
What the fuck?
1538
01:01:05,662 --> 01:01:06,662
Oh, shit!
1539
01:01:08,765 --> 01:01:10,032
Found the airbags!
1540
01:01:12,035 --> 01:01:13,101
There's three left!
1541
01:01:14,704 --> 01:01:16,171
Fuck!
1542
01:01:16,173 --> 01:01:17,139
Two left!
(Jimmy groaning)
1543
01:01:18,107 --> 01:01:19,408
Jimmy, are you okay?
1544
01:01:20,376 --> 01:01:21,777
I'm fine!
1545
01:01:21,779 --> 01:01:24,746
It wasn't as bad as
it seemed. I'm fine.
1546
01:01:24,748 --> 01:01:26,882
Delta psi has
the upper hand!
1547
01:01:26,884 --> 01:01:29,918
We went too far now.
This is dangerous.
1548
01:01:29,920 --> 01:01:31,453
We did not go too far.
1549
01:01:31,455 --> 01:01:33,889
Now is when we get
them back even more.
1550
01:01:33,891 --> 01:01:35,791
Do you see what
they fucking did to me?
We don't stop now!
1551
01:01:35,793 --> 01:01:37,893
So, what it's gonna be
next? They're gonna
break into the house?
1552
01:01:37,895 --> 01:01:41,963
You need to grow up, okay?
Our family is in danger.
1553
01:01:41,965 --> 01:01:43,965
I need to grow up?
Yes, you need to grow up.
1554
01:01:43,967 --> 01:01:46,001
One of us has got to
be the adult in
this relationship.
1555
01:01:46,003 --> 01:01:49,905
That's not only offensive,
but it's fucking stupid.
1556
01:01:49,907 --> 01:01:51,840
It's offensive that I'm saying
that you should be smart?
1557
01:01:51,842 --> 01:01:54,443
Yes, it's offensive
that I have to be the
smart one all the time!
1558
01:01:54,445 --> 01:01:56,011
I'm allowed to be
just as irresponsible as you.
1559
01:01:56,013 --> 01:01:58,380
Well, that's how it works!
I'm the dumb guy,
1560
01:01:58,382 --> 01:01:59,915
and you're the woman
who's supposed to
1561
01:01:59,917 --> 01:02:01,416
stop the dumb guy
from doing dumb shit!
1562
01:02:01,418 --> 01:02:03,785
Haven't you ever seen
a fucking Kevin James movie?
1563
01:02:03,787 --> 01:02:05,854
We can't both
be Kevin James.
I'm Kevin James!
1564
01:02:05,856 --> 01:02:07,489
I have a little bit
of Kevin James in me.
1565
01:02:07,491 --> 01:02:11,093
Clearly, you're
the one who knows better,
so you should know better.
1566
01:02:11,095 --> 01:02:14,296
You know that
I'm not like that, and
I've never been like that.
1567
01:02:14,298 --> 01:02:15,964
Well, maybe you should be.
That's never been me.
1568
01:02:15,966 --> 01:02:17,332
Just because I'm
a mom doesn't mean
1569
01:02:17,334 --> 01:02:19,067
that I'm gonna
change who I am.
1570
01:02:19,069 --> 01:02:24,005
it doesn't mean I can
stop doing mushrooms
with teenagers.
1571
01:02:24,007 --> 01:02:25,107
Fine!
Fine!
1572
01:02:25,109 --> 01:02:28,176
Okay, Kevin,
I don't think we're
a good team anymore.
1573
01:02:28,178 --> 01:02:29,344
The team is breaking up.
Yep.
1574
01:02:29,346 --> 01:02:31,379
This worked before
we had Stella, but...
1575
01:02:31,381 --> 01:02:33,148
Now it doesn't.
It doesn't work anymore.
1576
01:02:33,150 --> 01:02:34,282
Yeah, because
someone refuses to grow up.
1577
01:02:34,284 --> 01:02:35,383
Fine. Okay.
Fine then.
1578
01:02:35,385 --> 01:02:37,486
You go find your
nagging wife that you
1579
01:02:37,488 --> 01:02:39,321
want to find,
and I'll go find a real man.
1580
01:02:39,323 --> 01:02:40,889
Fine! Good to know.
Fine.
1581
01:02:40,891 --> 01:02:43,091
I don't feel safe here,
just in case you didn't know.
1582
01:02:43,093 --> 01:02:44,359
Well, that's crazy.
1583
01:02:44,361 --> 01:02:45,527
I'm gonna take
our child and go.
1584
01:02:45,529 --> 01:02:50,031
because this is
perhaps the safest
place on the planet,
1585
01:02:50,033 --> 01:02:51,466
just so you know!
1586
01:02:51,468 --> 01:02:53,001
You're kidnapping our baby!
Asshole!
1587
01:02:53,003 --> 01:02:54,436
Don't kidnap our baby!
1588
01:02:54,438 --> 01:02:56,505
I'm gonna put out
an Amber fucking alert!
1589
01:02:56,507 --> 01:02:58,774
Enjoy the house by
yourself, you child!
1590
01:02:58,776 --> 01:02:59,841
This is safer
than the white house!
1591
01:03:00,843 --> 01:03:02,544
(Groaning)
1592
01:03:02,546 --> 01:03:04,379
Dude, we missed the airbag!
1593
01:03:04,381 --> 01:03:06,448
Kelly, there's one left!
1594
01:03:06,450 --> 01:03:08,016
It could be anywhere!
1595
01:03:08,885 --> 01:03:10,152
Ow!
1596
01:03:12,922 --> 01:03:17,526
Hey, man, do you think,
maybe we're going, like,
way too far with this?
1597
01:03:17,528 --> 01:03:19,461
I mean, as a child
of divorce, I just...
1598
01:03:19,463 --> 01:03:22,364
I can't help it,
I sympathize with them.
1599
01:03:22,366 --> 01:03:25,400
Well, my parents
love each other,
and I think it's hilarious.
1600
01:03:42,418 --> 01:03:43,585
(Screams)
1601
01:03:44,587 --> 01:03:45,587
Fuck!
1602
01:03:46,422 --> 01:03:48,557
Fuckers! Fuck!
1603
01:04:18,054 --> 01:04:18,954
Shalom, Mac.
1604
01:04:20,990 --> 01:04:23,458
Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.
1605
01:04:23,460 --> 01:04:24,860
How's it going?
I'm sorry.
1606
01:04:24,862 --> 01:04:26,494
I'm so sorry,
I'm so sorry.
1607
01:04:26,496 --> 01:04:27,529
I love you so much.
I'm so sorry.
1608
01:04:27,531 --> 01:04:28,864
I love you, I'm sorry.
1609
01:04:28,866 --> 01:04:30,298
I was so stupid.
1610
01:04:30,300 --> 01:04:32,100
What a stupid
fucking fight to have.
1611
01:04:32,102 --> 01:04:33,468
No, I was stupid.
I'm really, really sorry.
1612
01:04:33,470 --> 01:04:34,970
I'm so sorry.
It was so dumb.
1613
01:04:34,972 --> 01:04:36,504
It was really dumb.
I love you so much, okay?
1614
01:04:36,506 --> 01:04:39,074
Do you still like me?
Yes, I still like you.
1615
01:04:39,076 --> 01:04:40,542
Okay, good. I love you.
Okay.
1616
01:04:41,177 --> 01:04:42,510
She's so crazy.
1617
01:04:42,512 --> 01:04:43,578
She's still behind you.
1618
01:04:45,114 --> 01:04:46,882
Hey.
Hi.
1619
01:04:54,190 --> 01:04:55,523
Lame, isn't it, Pete?
1620
01:05:01,430 --> 01:05:02,998
Whoa.
1621
01:05:03,000 --> 01:05:05,467
You're really
villaining out in here.
1622
01:05:06,369 --> 01:05:08,570
What's lame?
What's going on?
1623
01:05:08,572 --> 01:05:10,939
Lame that
we're on probation.
1624
01:05:11,641 --> 01:05:13,308
We're not gonna
end up on this thing.
1625
01:05:13,310 --> 01:05:17,212
That is kind of lame,
but also kind of
meaningless, right?
1626
01:05:17,214 --> 01:05:22,183
No, man. I just mean, like,
you're the president,
you know?
1627
01:05:22,185 --> 01:05:24,119
If you want to be
up there so bad,
just put your picture up.
1628
01:05:24,121 --> 01:05:25,186
No one's gonna stop you.
1629
01:05:25,188 --> 01:05:27,155
Because then
I didn't earn it.
1630
01:05:28,491 --> 01:05:31,026
It doesn't mean anything
if you don't earn it.
1631
01:05:31,028 --> 01:05:32,494
Who cares?
1632
01:05:33,195 --> 01:05:34,562
"Who cares?"
1633
01:05:36,265 --> 01:05:37,966
Are you kidding me?
1634
01:05:40,536 --> 01:05:43,338
You're the vp, man.
1635
01:05:43,340 --> 01:05:45,674
We have wanted this
since we were freshmen.
1636
01:05:45,676 --> 01:05:48,076
Dude, that was
four years ago, okay?
1637
01:05:48,078 --> 01:05:50,345
We were fucking virgins.
All right?
1638
01:05:50,347 --> 01:05:52,514
We're about to be,
like, adults now.
1639
01:05:52,516 --> 01:05:54,049
In two weeks,
none of this is
even gonna matter.
1640
01:05:54,051 --> 01:05:58,687
I mean, you do
realize that all this stuff,
it's all bullshit, right?
1641
01:05:58,689 --> 01:06:03,625
Like, my brother's
fraternity also thinks
they invented beer pong.
1642
01:06:03,627 --> 01:06:05,026
Well, your brother
is a liar.
1643
01:06:05,028 --> 01:06:07,662
All right,
let's put that down.
1644
01:06:07,664 --> 01:06:09,698
Dude, I don't want you
to take this the wrong way,
1645
01:06:09,700 --> 01:06:11,700
but I think
you're freaking out
1646
01:06:11,702 --> 01:06:13,234
about what you're
gonna do next year.
1647
01:06:13,236 --> 01:06:14,736
What?
1648
01:06:14,738 --> 01:06:16,371
I'm trying to be
your friend, okay?
1649
01:06:16,373 --> 01:06:18,440
But I don't know
why you try to hide
this stuff from me.
1650
01:06:18,442 --> 01:06:20,275
I'm a psychology minor,
you know that.
1651
01:06:20,277 --> 01:06:21,609
"I'm a psychology minor."
1652
01:06:21,611 --> 01:06:23,611
Dude, why do you think
you're so obsessed
1653
01:06:23,613 --> 01:06:25,547
with that old couple
next door, all right?
1654
01:06:25,549 --> 01:06:27,415
It's because they
remind you of the future.
1655
01:06:27,417 --> 01:06:28,683
I'm sorry, but it's true.
1656
01:06:28,685 --> 01:06:30,251
What the fuck are
you talking about?
1657
01:06:30,253 --> 01:06:31,686
You're trying to be my friend?
Yes!
1658
01:06:31,688 --> 01:06:33,521
Well, why don't you go
fuck my girlfriend again?
1659
01:06:33,523 --> 01:06:35,123
What?
Yeah.
1660
01:06:35,125 --> 01:06:36,725
I thought we were over that.
What are you...
1661
01:06:36,727 --> 01:06:38,560
How the fuck could I
be cool with that, man?
1662
01:06:38,562 --> 01:06:40,328
You had sex
with my girlfriend!
1663
01:06:40,330 --> 01:06:42,330
What are you...
We said all those things,
all right?
1664
01:06:42,332 --> 01:06:44,199
They rhymed!
What the hell was that?
1665
01:06:44,201 --> 01:06:47,035
We said some shit
that rhymed? Are
you crazy, man?
1666
01:06:47,037 --> 01:06:52,140
You don't think I was
clearly trying to mask
how I really felt,
1667
01:06:52,142 --> 01:06:53,475
so I tried to
bro out with you?
1668
01:06:53,477 --> 01:06:55,276
I don't know!
You're a good actor!
1669
01:06:55,278 --> 01:06:57,078
What the fuck am I
supposed to think?
1670
01:06:57,080 --> 01:06:58,613
Get the fuck out of here!
1671
01:06:58,615 --> 01:07:01,149
God! Dude, take your shit out
on someone else, all right?
1672
01:07:01,151 --> 01:07:02,751
This isn't about me.
Okay.
1673
01:07:02,753 --> 01:07:04,452
That's right, Pete.
Walk away.
1674
01:07:06,022 --> 01:07:07,422
Bitch.
Oh, my God.
1675
01:07:07,424 --> 01:07:08,590
Ahhh!
1676
01:07:09,759 --> 01:07:11,226
Scoonie put his
dick in your mouth
1677
01:07:11,228 --> 01:07:12,460
while you were sleeping,
bitch!
1678
01:07:13,429 --> 01:07:14,596
Uh-uh. I wasn't asleep.
1679
01:07:21,037 --> 01:07:22,170
(Door closes)
1680
01:07:22,172 --> 01:07:23,405
(Groans)
1681
01:07:33,516 --> 01:07:34,783
(Knocking on door)
1682
01:07:34,785 --> 01:07:35,817
One sec!
1683
01:07:37,119 --> 01:07:39,087
Get your knees
in there.
1684
01:07:39,089 --> 01:07:40,188
There you go.
1685
01:07:43,692 --> 01:07:44,759
Hey, neighbor.
1686
01:07:46,429 --> 01:07:47,429
What the fuck
do you want, man?
1687
01:07:47,431 --> 01:07:49,431
Hi, how's it going?
1688
01:07:49,433 --> 01:07:50,799
What do you want? It's over.
Yeah.
1689
01:07:50,801 --> 01:07:52,500
You won. There's
nothing else.
1690
01:07:52,502 --> 01:07:53,635
We're just
getting started.
1691
01:07:53,637 --> 01:07:55,603
I know what you
might be thinking.
1692
01:07:55,605 --> 01:07:57,372
"Teddy is gonna
graduate this year
1693
01:07:57,374 --> 01:07:58,706
"and everything's
gonna be fine."
1694
01:07:58,708 --> 01:08:00,508
But it won't.
1695
01:08:00,510 --> 01:08:03,378
Because in a few weeks,
when school ends,
so does our probation.
1696
01:08:03,380 --> 01:08:08,683
There's gonna be hundreds
and thousands of teddys living
next door to you for all time.
1697
01:08:08,685 --> 01:08:12,187
Because "Teddy"
is just an idea.
1698
01:08:12,189 --> 01:08:13,254
It's over.
It's over, man.
1699
01:08:13,256 --> 01:08:15,657
It's over? Okay, it's over,
it's over, it's over.
1700
01:08:15,659 --> 01:08:17,392
I just have one
thing I wanted to say.
1701
01:08:17,394 --> 01:08:20,395
This entire time,
your daughter is
gonna be growing up
1702
01:08:20,397 --> 01:08:22,864
watching all these young,
shirtless men next door,
1703
01:08:22,866 --> 01:08:25,366
and we're gonna be
watching right back.
1704
01:08:25,368 --> 01:08:28,103
You're a bad boy!
Get off our porch.
1705
01:08:28,105 --> 01:08:29,270
Delta psi, bitch.
Now! I'm gonna
call the police!
1706
01:08:29,272 --> 01:08:30,338
Get off!
1707
01:08:32,374 --> 01:08:33,508
We are not moving.
1708
01:08:33,510 --> 01:08:36,211
No. They are.
1709
01:08:36,213 --> 01:08:37,779
The problem is that
they're on probation.
1710
01:08:37,781 --> 01:08:39,247
I know.
They're being careful.
1711
01:08:39,249 --> 01:08:40,782
They're never gonna
do anything ridiculous,
1712
01:08:40,784 --> 01:08:45,553
What would be great is
if they didn't think
they were on probation.
1713
01:08:49,458 --> 01:08:53,661
Our probation's been lifted!
Our probation's been lifted!
1714
01:08:53,663 --> 01:08:54,896
Our probation's been lifted!
1715
01:08:56,532 --> 01:08:58,166
Yeah, this is amazing.
1716
01:08:58,168 --> 01:09:00,502
I want a baby.
I'm gonna have a baby.
1717
01:09:00,504 --> 01:09:02,537
You don't want a baby.
Oh, I do.
1718
01:09:02,539 --> 01:09:03,771
Would you be
my surrogate, Kelly?
1719
01:09:03,773 --> 01:09:05,840
No!
Dude, don't ask that.
1720
01:09:05,842 --> 01:09:09,677
Don't be so fucking
offended. It's not like
we're gonna have sex.
1721
01:09:09,679 --> 01:09:11,412
I would masturbate into her.
Mac: That's not how it works.
1722
01:09:11,414 --> 01:09:14,749
Oh, shit. Teddy just tweeted.
1723
01:09:14,751 --> 01:09:16,417
What?
1724
01:09:16,419 --> 01:09:18,219
Tomorrow night, party's on.
1725
01:09:18,221 --> 01:09:21,856
There'll be food, blankets.
It's gonna be great.
1726
01:09:21,858 --> 01:09:22,824
(On radio) We're back on
the air with dirty boy.
1727
01:09:22,826 --> 01:09:26,928
Dirty boy: All right, caller,
what's your name?
1728
01:09:26,930 --> 01:09:30,665
This is nutsack
calling over
from delta psi.
1729
01:09:30,667 --> 01:09:32,267
Romie: What's up, nutsack?
1730
01:09:32,269 --> 01:09:33,735
We're having
a huge rager tonight.
1731
01:09:33,737 --> 01:09:35,603
You know what
brings people to a party
more than anything?
1732
01:09:36,940 --> 01:09:40,375
This is mark wahlberg.
If you don't
come to this party,
1733
01:09:40,377 --> 01:09:41,910
I'm gonna give you
a world-class
knuckle sandwich.
1734
01:09:41,912 --> 01:09:44,546
Oh, my gosh.
This is Anne hathaway.
1735
01:09:44,548 --> 01:09:48,349
I want to ask you to
the party this weekend
that I'm having with friends.
1736
01:09:48,351 --> 01:09:50,818
Hello.
This is Julia child.
1737
01:09:50,820 --> 01:09:53,288
Ho!
Hey, babe, you want to party?
1738
01:09:53,290 --> 01:09:55,456
The question is,
do you want to party?
1739
01:09:55,458 --> 01:09:56,691
Right there.
1740
01:09:56,693 --> 01:09:57,892
You, too, deadwood.
There you go.
1741
01:09:57,894 --> 01:09:59,561
See you guys.
1742
01:09:59,563 --> 01:10:03,298
Hey, it's ray Romano.
What are you doin'?
1743
01:10:03,300 --> 01:10:04,966
No, this is ray Romano and...
No, this is ray Romano...
1744
01:10:04,968 --> 01:10:07,402
Who is ray Romano?
1745
01:10:07,404 --> 01:10:09,637
This is
president Barack Obama,
1746
01:10:09,639 --> 01:10:12,807
telling you to
come to a great party
1747
01:10:12,809 --> 01:10:15,677
this evening at
2203 west olmstead.
1748
01:10:15,679 --> 01:10:16,878
Peace, nigga.
1749
01:10:18,314 --> 01:10:19,914
(Hip-hop music playing)
1750
01:10:36,398 --> 01:10:38,900
Gentlemen,
we are fortunate members
1751
01:10:38,902 --> 01:10:42,270
of a prestigious lineage
of extraordinary gentlemen.
1752
01:10:43,639 --> 01:10:46,474
We are delta psi beta.
1753
01:10:46,476 --> 01:10:47,742
All: Delta psi!
1754
01:10:50,946 --> 01:10:56,517
Now, there is no
higher honor in delta psi
than making it onto the wall.
1755
01:10:56,519 --> 01:11:00,788
And this year,
we will make it on that wall.
1756
01:11:00,790 --> 01:11:02,790
People have
hot-boxed showers.
1757
01:11:02,792 --> 01:11:04,292
They've hot-boxed cars.
1758
01:11:04,294 --> 01:11:06,628
Attics. Caves. Fire trucks.
1759
01:11:06,630 --> 01:11:08,830
Porta-potties. Private planes.
1760
01:11:08,832 --> 01:11:11,699
But tonight,
forget the hot-box.
1761
01:11:11,701 --> 01:11:14,736
I give you the hot house.
1762
01:12:30,679 --> 01:12:32,780
Mac: Holy shit.
1763
01:12:32,782 --> 01:12:34,749
(Car alarm blaring)
This party is
getting out of control.
1764
01:12:34,751 --> 01:12:35,983
This is strike three.
This is crazy.
1765
01:12:35,985 --> 01:12:38,019
Strike three.
Yes!
1766
01:12:38,021 --> 01:12:41,122
Jimmy: Yes, hello.
This is the president
of the neighborhood watch.
1767
01:12:41,124 --> 01:12:45,893
There is a giant party at
2203 west olmstead right now.
1768
01:12:45,895 --> 01:12:49,664
They're yelling and
fighting. The ringleader's
name is scoonie.
1769
01:12:49,666 --> 01:12:51,399
He's a little
scrawny piece of shit
with a giant dick.
1770
01:12:51,401 --> 01:12:52,900
Come on, come on.
Stay on message!
I'm sorry.
1771
01:12:52,902 --> 01:12:57,505
Dispatch on radio:
We have a disturbance
at 2203 west olmstead.
1772
01:12:57,507 --> 01:12:58,840
10-4.
1773
01:12:58,842 --> 01:13:00,041
(Dance music playing)
1774
01:13:01,076 --> 01:13:03,611
What is this?
Is this our flyer?
1775
01:13:03,613 --> 01:13:05,847
No, we do everything online!
1776
01:13:05,849 --> 01:13:07,615
Who makes flyers anymore?
1777
01:13:07,617 --> 01:13:08,950
Fucking old people!
1778
01:13:08,952 --> 01:13:10,718
Old people?
1779
01:13:10,720 --> 01:13:13,154
Thumbsucker!
Let me see the letter
from the school, man!
1780
01:13:18,460 --> 01:13:20,461
Our school's
insignia is in Latin.
1781
01:13:20,463 --> 01:13:22,096
This is in Jewish!
1782
01:13:22,098 --> 01:13:23,798
What?
We're not off probation!
1783
01:13:23,800 --> 01:13:25,099
The old people
have the upper hand.
1784
01:13:25,101 --> 01:13:26,134
We got to get
everyone out of here!
1785
01:13:26,136 --> 01:13:27,435
We got to get everybody...
1786
01:13:27,437 --> 01:13:29,070
Both: Hootie-hoo!
Hootie-hoo!
1787
01:13:30,606 --> 01:13:32,140
Teddy: Guys!
1788
01:13:32,142 --> 01:13:34,041
Delta psi brothers:
Hootie-hoo! Hootie-hoo!
1789
01:13:42,050 --> 01:13:43,518
Shit, they're hootie-hooing!
1790
01:13:43,520 --> 01:13:44,852
What?
They're fucking hootie-hooing.
1791
01:13:44,854 --> 01:13:46,187
Kelly: What does that mean?
1792
01:13:46,189 --> 01:13:49,524
I don't get it!
Mac: It's from
an outkast song.
1793
01:13:49,526 --> 01:13:53,060
get the money
and the sweet spot
and forever hollerin'
1794
01:13:53,062 --> 01:13:56,531
yo, cops be
robbing niggaz blind
with the dollars...
1795
01:13:56,533 --> 01:13:58,433
Okay, okay,
we fucking get it!
I get it. I get it.
1796
01:13:58,435 --> 01:13:59,901
That's the song.
How could they
know that's happening?
1797
01:13:59,903 --> 01:14:00,902
How do they know
something's wrong?
1798
01:14:00,904 --> 01:14:03,004
It's because of the Hebrew.
1799
01:14:03,006 --> 01:14:05,106
I put a little Hebrew
in the school sign, you
know, like a coded game.
1800
01:14:05,108 --> 01:14:06,674
What?
What?
1801
01:14:06,676 --> 01:14:08,209
Check this out.
Inside the school seal,
1802
01:14:08,211 --> 01:14:12,814
I put sof hamisschak,
which is Hebrew
for "game over."
1803
01:14:12,816 --> 01:14:15,149
What the fuck is
wrong with you, man?
Why did you do that?
1804
01:14:15,151 --> 01:14:16,517
Stop hitting me.
Mac: That's so stupid!
1805
01:14:16,519 --> 01:14:19,587
Like at the end of a heist,
you leave your calling card.
1806
01:14:19,589 --> 01:14:21,456
It's like,
"they got us again."
1807
01:14:21,458 --> 01:14:23,157
One big difference,
the heist isn't done!
1808
01:14:23,159 --> 01:14:24,792
We're mid-fucking-heist,
genius!
1809
01:14:33,769 --> 01:14:35,470
(All protesting)
1810
01:14:37,105 --> 01:14:40,174
Everybody out! Party's over!
1811
01:14:40,176 --> 01:14:42,510
Let's go!
This is not a fucking drill!
1812
01:14:42,512 --> 01:14:44,779
Stop standing around!
Let's go!
1813
01:14:44,781 --> 01:14:48,216
Drinks down!
No alcohol outside!
Get the fuck out of here!
1814
01:14:48,218 --> 01:14:50,251
Party's over!
Dirty Santa, let's go!
1815
01:14:51,186 --> 01:14:52,720
Everyone's clearing out.
Oh, my God!
1816
01:14:52,722 --> 01:14:54,622
Everyone's leaving!
1817
01:14:54,624 --> 01:14:57,124
This isn't a strike!
It's not a strike
if everyone's leaving!
1818
01:14:57,126 --> 01:14:58,192
Shit!
1819
01:14:59,728 --> 01:15:00,995
It's Watkins.
1820
01:15:00,997 --> 01:15:03,531
Looks like
the party shut down.
1821
01:15:03,533 --> 01:15:04,732
(Siren wailing)
1822
01:15:05,601 --> 01:15:07,068
Cops are here.
1823
01:15:07,070 --> 01:15:09,737
Fuck me! Shit!
They're sending garf
out to talk to him.
1824
01:15:09,739 --> 01:15:11,572
He's so charming,
he'll get the cop to leave.
1825
01:15:11,574 --> 01:15:12,907
Watkins: Yo, is there a party
going on around here?
1826
01:15:12,909 --> 01:15:15,276
No, no. There was,
but I shut that down.
1827
01:15:15,278 --> 01:15:17,178
You got nothing to
worry about, officer.
1828
01:15:17,180 --> 01:15:18,846
That's really
responsible of you guys.
1829
01:15:18,848 --> 01:15:20,815
You must've heard
we were coming.
1830
01:15:20,817 --> 01:15:23,784
Look,
we're in a nice neighborhood.
We want to be good neighbors.
1831
01:15:23,786 --> 01:15:25,019
It's the least we
could do, you know?
1832
01:15:25,021 --> 01:15:26,921
We appreciate that, man.
1833
01:15:26,923 --> 01:15:28,189
I'm gonna go now.
No.
1834
01:15:28,191 --> 01:15:29,790
You're not trying to
get rid of me, are you?
1835
01:15:29,792 --> 01:15:32,260
No. No.
1836
01:15:32,262 --> 01:15:34,295
We've got to save...
Come on, we're so close!
1837
01:15:34,297 --> 01:15:36,130
We gotta save this.
What do we do?
Okay, okay, okay.
1838
01:15:36,132 --> 01:15:37,932
Teddy's room.
We got to sneak
into Teddy's room.
1839
01:15:37,934 --> 01:15:39,800
Fuse box. We'll turn
the party back on.
1840
01:15:39,802 --> 01:15:41,569
Get the party going again.
Get the party started.
1841
01:15:41,571 --> 01:15:42,770
Let's go.
Get the party started!
Come on!
1842
01:15:42,772 --> 01:15:44,205
Grab the monitor.
Grab the monitor.
1843
01:15:44,207 --> 01:15:46,274
What are you doing?
I'm sneaking.
1844
01:15:46,276 --> 01:15:48,009
What the fuck?
1845
01:15:48,011 --> 01:15:49,644
Don't worry about it.
1846
01:15:49,646 --> 01:15:51,045
Is that your real name? Garf?
1847
01:15:51,047 --> 01:15:52,547
Well, Garfield.
1848
01:15:52,549 --> 01:15:54,148
Garfield.
Garfield, yeah. Yeah.
1849
01:15:54,150 --> 01:15:55,249
Oh.
Yeah.
1850
01:15:55,251 --> 01:15:56,951
Like the cat.
My father... yeah.
1851
01:15:56,953 --> 01:15:58,886
"I hate mondays!"
1852
01:15:58,888 --> 01:16:00,922
"I hate mondays!"
1853
01:16:00,924 --> 01:16:02,156
"I love lasagna!"
1854
01:16:02,158 --> 01:16:03,858
(Both laughing)
1855
01:16:06,628 --> 01:16:10,064
Do some cat stuff real quick.
Be sarcastic or lick yourself.
1856
01:16:11,567 --> 01:16:13,701
Okay. All right.
1857
01:16:15,837 --> 01:16:17,038
(Laughing)
1858
01:16:17,040 --> 01:16:18,306
(Meowing)
1859
01:16:20,175 --> 01:16:22,209
I love fucking with
you when you high, man.
1860
01:16:28,150 --> 01:16:29,850
Pete: Get the hell
out of here.
1861
01:16:29,852 --> 01:16:33,154
Everybody out!
Hootie-hoo! Let's go!
1862
01:16:33,156 --> 01:16:36,290
All right, fellas,
get a move on. Hootie-hoo!
1863
01:16:36,292 --> 01:16:39,260
What the fuck is
wrong with you, man?
What the...
1864
01:16:39,262 --> 01:16:41,596
That was, like, a distraction
so they couldn't
see what was going on.
1865
01:16:41,598 --> 01:16:42,697
Grow up! It worked.
Okay. Okay.
1866
01:16:42,699 --> 01:16:43,931
Yeah. There wasn't
anything behind it.
1867
01:16:43,933 --> 01:16:45,232
You used so much tongue!
1868
01:16:45,234 --> 01:16:47,034
Pete: Upstairs clear!
1869
01:16:52,674 --> 01:16:55,276
Hey. Do not let anyone
upstairs, you got me?
1870
01:16:55,278 --> 01:16:57,078
Yes, sir.
1871
01:16:57,080 --> 01:16:58,613
(Creaking)
1872
01:17:05,887 --> 01:17:07,254
Holy fuck.
1873
01:17:11,093 --> 01:17:13,160
What was that?
1874
01:17:13,162 --> 01:17:15,997
Shaggy, Scooby,
jizzface, let's investigate!
1875
01:17:18,166 --> 01:17:20,067
It's open. It's open.
1876
01:17:30,879 --> 01:17:32,279
(Exhales)
1877
01:17:32,281 --> 01:17:34,215
He's right there!
He's right there!
1878
01:17:34,217 --> 01:17:35,983
What do we do?
What do we do?
What do we do?
1879
01:17:35,985 --> 01:17:37,918
We got to get him
out of there!
Distraction.
1880
01:17:37,920 --> 01:17:39,053
Okay, distraction.
What? What do we do?
1881
01:17:39,055 --> 01:17:41,689
I'm gonna jump
off the balcony.
What?
1882
01:17:43,725 --> 01:17:45,960
No, no, why? Why?
No! What?
1883
01:17:45,962 --> 01:17:47,094
(Jimmy groaning)
1884
01:17:47,096 --> 01:17:49,063
Jimmy: Oh, God!
1885
01:17:49,065 --> 01:17:50,398
(Jimmy screaming)
1886
01:17:51,299 --> 01:17:53,334
Fuck! Shit, shit. Go!
1887
01:17:56,238 --> 01:17:57,672
What the fuck?
1888
01:18:01,209 --> 01:18:02,410
Nice. He's gone.
1889
01:18:02,412 --> 01:18:03,711
He's gone.
1890
01:18:04,880 --> 01:18:06,881
Come on, come on!
Damn it!
1891
01:18:06,883 --> 01:18:08,683
One, two, three?
1892
01:18:08,685 --> 01:18:09,950
No!
1893
01:18:09,952 --> 01:18:12,420
Jimmy: Oh, God! Oh, God!
1894
01:18:12,422 --> 01:18:14,088
My God, Jesus!
1895
01:18:14,090 --> 01:18:15,122
What the hell, bro?
1896
01:18:15,124 --> 01:18:16,357
What up, Teddy?
1897
01:18:16,359 --> 01:18:17,692
What the fuck?
1898
01:18:17,694 --> 01:18:18,793
"Boobs" upside down!
1899
01:18:18,795 --> 01:18:20,995
I can't do "boob."
I can do "Bob."
1900
01:18:20,997 --> 01:18:22,897
I can do "cock."
I can do "c-o-k."
1901
01:18:22,899 --> 01:18:23,964
Sixty-nine?
1902
01:18:23,966 --> 01:18:27,401
What other stupid number
combinations are there?
1903
01:18:27,403 --> 01:18:30,971
I'll never talk!
I'm unbreakable!
1904
01:18:30,973 --> 01:18:32,106
Jesus!
1905
01:18:32,108 --> 01:18:34,108
I'm not a distraction.
1906
01:18:35,043 --> 01:18:36,243
It's a distraction?
1907
01:18:36,245 --> 01:18:37,411
No! No!
1908
01:18:37,413 --> 01:18:40,347
I got it, I got it.
I got it.
1909
01:18:43,885 --> 01:18:44,852
Four-twenty?
1910
01:18:44,854 --> 01:18:46,020
Victory.
1911
01:18:46,022 --> 01:18:47,455
Boom! Yes!
1912
01:18:47,457 --> 01:18:49,724
Both: Yes! Yes! Yes!
1913
01:18:50,826 --> 01:18:52,827
(Chuckles) Yes.
I'm gonna kill you.
1914
01:18:53,862 --> 01:18:56,097
Go, go.
Okay.
1915
01:18:56,099 --> 01:18:58,099
Don't open this door
no matter what you hear!
1916
01:18:58,800 --> 01:19:00,067
Teddy: This is it.
1917
01:19:00,069 --> 01:19:02,069
Mano y mano.
1918
01:19:02,071 --> 01:19:03,871
You are not getting
through this door.
1919
01:19:03,873 --> 01:19:06,006
Jesus. Okay.
1920
01:19:07,743 --> 01:19:09,410
Fuck, these kids
locked everything!
1921
01:19:09,412 --> 01:19:10,878
God damn it.
1922
01:19:10,880 --> 01:19:12,813
I've been wanting this.
I've got your number.
1923
01:19:12,815 --> 01:19:14,482
Ready?
1924
01:19:14,484 --> 01:19:15,850
Yeah, I'm ready.
Are you ready, huh?
1925
01:19:15,852 --> 01:19:16,917
Oh?
1926
01:19:16,919 --> 01:19:17,885
Huh?
Oh?
1927
01:19:19,154 --> 01:19:20,387
Old man.
Oh, my nuts!
1928
01:19:20,389 --> 01:19:21,889
Why the fuck do
you keep fighting?
1929
01:19:22,858 --> 01:19:24,158
(Groaning)
1930
01:19:24,160 --> 01:19:26,327
(Yelling in delight)
1931
01:19:26,329 --> 01:19:28,362
Yes, that felt good!
1932
01:19:28,364 --> 01:19:29,463
Mac: I hit him, Kelly!
Fuck!
1933
01:19:29,965 --> 01:19:33,067
Oh, yeah!
1934
01:19:33,069 --> 01:19:34,201
(Inhaling deeply)
1935
01:19:36,805 --> 01:19:38,506
Okay, let's just
relax for a second.
1936
01:19:38,508 --> 01:19:43,010
I can't let you in yet.
I haven't figured
out how to open it!
1937
01:19:43,012 --> 01:19:44,078
Okay, fuck me!
1938
01:19:49,284 --> 01:19:50,417
Stay!
1939
01:19:53,155 --> 01:19:54,321
(Laughs)
1940
01:19:54,323 --> 01:19:55,389
What the fuck?
1941
01:19:56,892 --> 01:19:57,992
(Groans)
1942
01:19:57,994 --> 01:19:58,926
How'd you even do that?
1943
01:19:58,928 --> 01:20:00,094
No idea.
1944
01:20:00,096 --> 01:20:02,029
Come here!
No!
1945
01:20:03,165 --> 01:20:04,165
What the fuck? Damn it!
1946
01:20:04,167 --> 01:20:05,499
Who still has waterbeds?
1947
01:20:12,073 --> 01:20:13,174
(Panting)
1948
01:20:20,415 --> 01:20:21,549
Let's do this shit.
1949
01:20:28,390 --> 01:20:29,590
Suck my dick!
1950
01:20:30,992 --> 01:20:32,426
Suck my dick.
1951
01:20:36,398 --> 01:20:37,565
Yeah, suck it! Suck my dick.
1952
01:20:37,567 --> 01:20:38,866
No, no!
1953
01:20:43,138 --> 01:20:45,573
So gross! Ew!
1954
01:20:45,575 --> 01:20:47,575
That was very immature!
1955
01:20:52,948 --> 01:20:53,881
I'm Batman!
1956
01:20:54,416 --> 01:20:56,217
Oh! Fuck!
1957
01:20:58,253 --> 01:20:59,386
I'm Batman!
1958
01:21:01,323 --> 01:21:02,623
Ahhh!
1959
01:21:03,058 --> 01:21:04,158
Oh, shit!
1960
01:21:05,260 --> 01:21:06,594
Fuck me!
1961
01:21:16,171 --> 01:21:17,204
God damn it!
1962
01:21:19,875 --> 01:21:22,142
Good luck with all
your problems, officer.
1963
01:21:22,444 --> 01:21:23,911
Really.
1964
01:21:33,154 --> 01:21:34,622
Get off of me!
1965
01:21:34,624 --> 01:21:35,589
God damn it!
1966
01:21:36,424 --> 01:21:37,591
No, no, no!
Yeah!
1967
01:21:39,127 --> 01:21:40,294
Oh, shit!
1968
01:21:40,296 --> 01:21:41,528
Kelly!
1969
01:21:42,130 --> 01:21:43,297
Kelly, honey.
1970
01:21:44,332 --> 01:21:45,933
He's coming.
Kelly, it's over!
1971
01:21:46,902 --> 01:21:48,168
Kelly, he's coming!
1972
01:21:48,170 --> 01:21:50,204
Fuck! Shit!
1973
01:21:51,072 --> 01:21:52,539
So long, neighbor.
1974
01:21:55,343 --> 01:21:56,610
(Screaming)
1975
01:21:57,545 --> 01:21:59,313
(People screaming)
(Tires screeching)
1976
01:22:00,582 --> 01:22:01,949
(Laughing)
1977
01:22:04,352 --> 01:22:08,088
I need backup at
2203 west olmstead!
1978
01:22:08,090 --> 01:22:10,424
Delta psi is attacking me!
I'm under fire right now!
1979
01:22:10,426 --> 01:22:11,625
I need backup! Over!
1980
01:22:12,961 --> 01:22:14,328
Well played, motherfuckers.
1981
01:22:14,330 --> 01:22:15,629
What the fuck
are you looking at?
1982
01:22:15,631 --> 01:22:16,664
What the fuck are
y'all looking at?
1983
01:22:18,300 --> 01:22:20,000
Well played.
What the fuck?
1984
01:22:22,003 --> 01:22:24,405
You can't tell
anyone I showed you
this. Okay, baby?
1985
01:22:24,407 --> 01:22:25,406
Oh, my God.
Shut up, scoonie.
1986
01:22:25,408 --> 01:22:26,640
I'm sorry, baby.
1987
01:22:26,642 --> 01:22:28,075
(All cheering)
1988
01:22:32,113 --> 01:22:34,548
No, guys! Hey, hey!
1989
01:22:35,150 --> 01:22:36,083
Oh, shit!
1990
01:22:36,085 --> 01:22:37,351
Holy shit!
1991
01:22:37,353 --> 01:22:38,585
My brothers need me.
1992
01:22:38,587 --> 01:22:39,620
(Laughing)
1993
01:22:42,991 --> 01:22:43,958
Holy shit.
1994
01:22:59,341 --> 01:23:00,474
(Jimmy groaning)
1995
01:23:01,476 --> 01:23:03,344
Holy shit!
Did you break your leg?
1996
01:23:04,179 --> 01:23:05,612
Baby broke his leg!
1997
01:23:05,614 --> 01:23:07,514
I'm not a baby.
1998
01:23:07,516 --> 01:23:09,283
Oh, no?
I'm a fucking man!
1999
01:23:09,285 --> 01:23:11,185
My God, Jimmy!
2000
01:23:11,187 --> 01:23:12,619
He's so light.
He's all dick.
2001
01:23:12,621 --> 01:23:14,688
Thank you.
2002
01:23:14,690 --> 01:23:16,557
Keep your dick
away from my wife!
2003
01:23:16,559 --> 01:23:18,325
(Whooping)
2004
01:23:18,327 --> 01:23:19,727
Yolo!
2005
01:23:22,197 --> 01:23:23,497
This is who I am.
2006
01:23:24,299 --> 01:23:26,333
Jimmy fuckin' blevitz.
2007
01:23:27,302 --> 01:23:28,469
You want this?
2008
01:23:29,704 --> 01:23:31,105
Oh, my leg.
2009
01:23:34,342 --> 01:23:35,609
Let's make a baby.
2010
01:23:38,013 --> 01:23:38,746
That'll solve
all our problems.
2011
01:23:38,748 --> 01:23:40,047
Yeah.
2012
01:23:41,683 --> 01:23:43,584
(Bottles shattering)
2013
01:23:47,188 --> 01:23:48,489
We are fucked, man.
2014
01:23:48,491 --> 01:23:50,724
Yeah. We're fucked, man.
2015
01:23:50,726 --> 01:23:53,460
I guess we're all going down
in a blaze of glory, huh?
2016
01:23:53,462 --> 01:23:56,330
What? No way, man.
Get out of here.
2017
01:23:56,332 --> 01:23:58,265
Dude, all that shit
I was saying the other day
2018
01:23:58,267 --> 01:24:00,134
about you and
the fraternity...
2019
01:24:00,136 --> 01:24:02,169
Fuck that, all right?
I was out of line, man.
2020
01:24:02,171 --> 01:24:03,103
This stuff is important.
2021
01:24:03,105 --> 01:24:04,505
I know.
2022
01:24:04,507 --> 01:24:07,708
Regardless of anything,
we're brothers for life.
2023
01:24:07,710 --> 01:24:10,177
This is on me.
I took it too far.
2024
01:24:10,179 --> 01:24:11,745
That's why you got to go.
2025
01:24:11,747 --> 01:24:13,113
(Sirens wailing)
You got a bright future, kid.
2026
01:24:13,115 --> 01:24:15,416
You're the smartest
person I know.
2027
01:24:15,418 --> 01:24:17,117
I'm the president
of a fraternity.
2028
01:24:17,119 --> 01:24:18,552
You could be president
of the united nations.
2029
01:24:18,554 --> 01:24:20,687
There is no president
of the united nations.
2030
01:24:20,689 --> 01:24:23,690
Yeah, but see,
that's my fucking point!
You know shit like that, man!
2031
01:24:23,692 --> 01:24:25,092
This is all my fault.
2032
01:24:25,094 --> 01:24:26,226
You're not taking
the heat for this.
2033
01:24:26,228 --> 01:24:27,694
I fucking will, man.
2034
01:24:27,696 --> 01:24:29,696
Brothers don't get divorced.
Yeah, I know.
2035
01:24:29,698 --> 01:24:32,099
I'm a supernova.
Burn bright, die young.
2036
01:24:32,101 --> 01:24:33,534
I fucking love you, man.
2037
01:24:33,536 --> 01:24:36,136
I love you, dawg.
I love you.
2038
01:24:36,138 --> 01:24:38,072
I fucking love you, man.
Get out of here.
2039
01:24:38,074 --> 01:24:40,240
Be in this moment!
Live in this shit with me!
2040
01:24:41,476 --> 01:24:43,077
I love you!
I love you, too, man.
2041
01:24:43,079 --> 01:24:44,278
I love you!
2042
01:24:44,280 --> 01:24:45,646
I fucking
love you, Pete.
I love you!
2043
01:24:47,615 --> 01:24:50,784
I love you, too, but...
Get out of here, man! Just go!
2044
01:24:52,487 --> 01:24:54,288
Delta psi.
2045
01:24:54,290 --> 01:24:55,622
Delta psi, man. All right?
2046
01:24:58,159 --> 01:25:00,127
Go! Get the brothers
out of here now, man!
2047
01:25:00,129 --> 01:25:05,132
T-bone, gerbil, jizzface,
let's get the fuck
out of here! Let's go!
2048
01:25:14,576 --> 01:25:16,343
Delta psi forever!
2049
01:25:18,279 --> 01:25:19,880
(Groans)
Delta psi this shit!
2050
01:25:19,882 --> 01:25:23,517
You've been a bad boy.
I'm gonna spank you.
2051
01:25:24,452 --> 01:25:25,752
(Hip-hop music playing)
2052
01:25:42,837 --> 01:25:43,871
Kelly: That's our baby.
2053
01:25:44,506 --> 01:25:46,340
She's so sweet.
2054
01:25:46,342 --> 01:25:47,508
Look at her.
2055
01:25:50,411 --> 01:25:51,845
We're a family.
2056
01:25:52,447 --> 01:25:54,148
We are.
2057
01:25:57,385 --> 01:25:58,552
I love you.
2058
01:26:00,855 --> 01:26:01,822
(Both gasp)
2059
01:26:06,794 --> 01:26:08,395
(Both exhale)
2060
01:26:08,397 --> 01:26:10,497
Holy shit.
That was close.
2061
01:26:10,499 --> 01:26:12,366
I could not deal
with that right now.
Fuck, no way.
2062
01:26:12,368 --> 01:26:13,901
Jesus.
I'm exhausted.
2063
01:26:13,903 --> 01:26:16,170
That would be
a fucking disaster.
Oh, Jesus.
2064
01:26:16,172 --> 01:26:17,237
We did it!
2065
01:26:17,239 --> 01:26:18,472
We did it.
We fucking did it.
2066
01:26:18,474 --> 01:26:19,873
We did it.
2067
01:26:19,875 --> 01:26:20,941
We did it.
(Imitates explosion)
2068
01:26:20,943 --> 01:26:22,409
Come on.
2069
01:26:22,411 --> 01:26:23,510
We fucking did that shit.
2070
01:26:23,512 --> 01:26:25,679
We totally did it.
2071
01:26:25,681 --> 01:26:30,450
I think I was near
one of those oil drums
for too long.
2072
01:26:30,452 --> 01:26:32,653
I think I might be
really quite stoned.
2073
01:26:32,655 --> 01:26:33,854
Me, too.
2074
01:26:34,822 --> 01:26:36,223
Life's crazy.
2075
01:26:36,225 --> 01:26:37,357
It is crazy.
2076
01:26:37,359 --> 01:26:39,359
I milked you.
2077
01:26:39,361 --> 01:26:43,530
You're a human being,
and I fucking milked you.
2078
01:26:43,532 --> 01:26:46,867
We made a baby.
Things have changed.
Everything has changed.
2079
01:26:46,869 --> 01:26:48,202
Part of our life is
just totally over.
2080
01:26:48,204 --> 01:26:49,503
Yeah.
2081
01:26:49,505 --> 01:26:51,305
Just gone.
Yeah.
2082
01:26:51,307 --> 01:26:53,440
It's never coming back.
No.
2083
01:26:53,442 --> 01:26:58,679
We'll never not be
responsible for someone
until we're so, so old.
2084
01:26:58,681 --> 01:27:01,448
I think I like old people
shit better than young
people shit now.
2085
01:27:01,450 --> 01:27:02,749
I love brunch.
2086
01:27:02,751 --> 01:27:07,554
And I get really excited
when I smell
freshly ground coffee.
2087
01:27:07,556 --> 01:27:08,722
Me, too, because
it's awesome.
2088
01:27:08,724 --> 01:27:11,358
Like, way too excited.
2089
01:27:11,360 --> 01:27:13,527
I want a tomato garden.
How's that?
2090
01:27:13,529 --> 01:27:16,630
I love going to
the container store
and buying containers.
2091
01:27:16,632 --> 01:27:17,998
Me, too.
2092
01:27:18,000 --> 01:27:20,567
I love our hand soap
that's shaped like seashells.
2093
01:27:20,569 --> 01:27:21,802
Why?
2094
01:27:21,804 --> 01:27:22,970
It smells like lemongrass.
2095
01:27:22,972 --> 01:27:24,771
Me, too.
2096
01:27:24,773 --> 01:27:27,307
Do you think
we'll be good parents?
2097
01:27:27,309 --> 01:27:29,810
I think we'll be good
at it and bad at it.
2098
01:27:31,012 --> 01:27:34,648
Both: Whoa! (Laugh)
2099
01:27:34,650 --> 01:27:38,285
You know, when we had
Stella, I was afraid of
missing the party,
2100
01:27:38,287 --> 01:27:41,922
but then I realized
that we are the party.
2101
01:27:41,924 --> 01:27:43,957
This is the only party
I want to be at.
2102
01:27:45,727 --> 01:27:47,261
You're gonna make me cry.
2103
01:27:47,263 --> 01:27:48,462
Don't cry.
2104
01:27:52,467 --> 01:27:53,934
Oh, my God.
2105
01:27:55,637 --> 01:27:56,970
Where did you get that?
2106
01:27:58,373 --> 01:28:00,407
I brought it
into bed with us.
2107
01:28:02,043 --> 01:28:04,011
I also got some
ranch dipping sauce.
2108
01:28:05,013 --> 01:28:06,747
Oh, my God.
Mmm-hmm.
2109
01:28:06,749 --> 01:28:08,415
That's the best idea.
2110
01:28:08,417 --> 01:28:09,650
Yeah.
2111
01:28:10,785 --> 01:28:12,052
Mmm!
2112
01:28:18,793 --> 01:28:20,727
Teddy: Welcome
to Abercrombie.
2113
01:28:20,729 --> 01:28:22,496
Come inside. Check out
some board shorts.
2114
01:28:23,031 --> 01:28:24,631
Hey, Mac!
2115
01:28:25,767 --> 01:28:26,867
Hey, dude.
What's up, man?
2116
01:28:26,869 --> 01:28:28,035
What up, man?
How's it going?
2117
01:28:28,037 --> 01:28:29,736
Good to see you.
Good to see you, too.
2118
01:28:29,738 --> 01:28:30,837
You're one of those guys!
2119
01:28:30,839 --> 01:28:32,339
I am, yeah.
Yeah.
2120
01:28:32,341 --> 01:28:34,508
It's a pretty good gig.
Yeah.
2121
01:28:34,510 --> 01:28:36,610
You'd be surprised,
I actually meet
a shit-ton of girls here.
2122
01:28:36,612 --> 01:28:37,844
Not that surprised.
2123
01:28:37,846 --> 01:28:39,379
Your body basically
looks like a giant arrow
2124
01:28:39,381 --> 01:28:40,814
pointing right
towards your dick.
2125
01:28:40,816 --> 01:28:42,849
Oh, my God. Thank you.
No problem, man.
2126
01:28:42,851 --> 01:28:44,718
I think that's a compliment.
It is a compliment.
2127
01:28:44,720 --> 01:28:46,053
We went nuts.
2128
01:28:46,055 --> 01:28:50,624
It escalated to
a really crazy place.
That was really nuts, man.
2129
01:28:51,359 --> 01:28:52,926
How are the guys?
2130
01:28:52,928 --> 01:28:54,761
They're all great.
They got a big
house off campus.
2131
01:28:54,763 --> 01:28:57,764
Pete's a fancy architect,
designing buildings and stuff.
2132
01:28:57,766 --> 01:29:00,100
How's the rest of
post-college life
treating you?
2133
01:29:00,102 --> 01:29:02,002
It's good, man.
I'm having fun.
2134
01:29:02,004 --> 01:29:04,705
I realize
I probably should have
studied a little bit more.
2135
01:29:04,707 --> 01:29:06,540
Little bit. (Laughs)
2136
01:29:06,542 --> 01:29:09,810
But I'm going to
night school to
get my degree, so...
2137
01:29:09,812 --> 01:29:12,679
Awesome, man.
Yeah.
2138
01:29:12,681 --> 01:29:14,748
Well, it's still
really good to see you, man.
2139
01:29:14,750 --> 01:29:15,949
Great to see you too, buddy.
2140
01:29:15,951 --> 01:29:18,485
Bring it in for
the real thing.
2141
01:29:18,487 --> 01:29:20,687
Nice, okay.
Good to see you, dude.
2142
01:29:20,689 --> 01:29:22,456
You know what?
While I'm here...
2143
01:29:23,558 --> 01:29:25,492
I've always wanted
to do this.
2144
01:29:25,494 --> 01:29:27,961
All right. Wow,
you're really going for it.
2145
01:29:27,963 --> 01:29:29,830
I'm doing it.
Oh, man.
2146
01:29:29,832 --> 01:29:33,767
So, is it our posture?
Why do we look so different?
2147
01:29:33,769 --> 01:29:34,968
I don't know, man.
Just be free.
2148
01:29:34,970 --> 01:29:36,503
Just kind of let it out.
Okay.
2149
01:29:36,505 --> 01:29:37,504
I feel free.
2150
01:29:38,439 --> 01:29:39,106
(Laughs)
2151
01:29:40,708 --> 01:29:43,510
Welcome to
Abercrombie & Fitch.
Can we take your order?
2152
01:29:43,512 --> 01:29:44,745
Welcome to
Abercrombie & Fitch.
2153
01:29:44,747 --> 01:29:46,913
Abercrombie, Fitch.
2154
01:29:46,915 --> 01:29:48,115
Welcome to
Abercrombie & Fitch.
How you doing?
2155
01:29:48,117 --> 01:29:49,583
Can we take your order?
2156
01:29:49,585 --> 01:29:51,118
We're a great team.
Thanks.
2157
01:29:51,120 --> 01:29:52,386
You make the store
more approachable.
2158
01:29:52,920 --> 01:29:54,621
What does that mean?
2159
01:29:54,623 --> 01:29:55,689
(Stammers)
2160
01:29:55,691 --> 01:29:57,858
It's like, I make...
2161
01:29:57,860 --> 01:30:00,460
I'm a more obtainable goal.
2162
01:30:00,462 --> 01:30:01,995
Yeah, you're like
the relaxed-fit Jean guy.
2163
01:30:01,997 --> 01:30:03,497
Yeah.
I'm the relaxed-fit jeans.
2164
01:30:07,702 --> 01:30:09,736
I made some blue meth.
It's gatorade.
2165
01:30:09,738 --> 01:30:10,971
Oh, perfect! Great.
2166
01:30:10,973 --> 01:30:12,606
She's all ready to go.
2167
01:30:12,608 --> 01:30:14,674
This is gonna be
the best calendar yet.
2168
01:30:14,676 --> 01:30:15,842
Look at that, sweetie.
2169
01:30:15,844 --> 01:30:17,177
All right. Let's do it.
2170
01:30:17,179 --> 01:30:19,179
Who's my little Heisenberg?
You are!
2171
01:30:19,181 --> 01:30:20,614
She's a little meth head.
2172
01:30:20,616 --> 01:30:21,782
No, she just makes it.
2173
01:30:21,784 --> 01:30:22,949
(Computer ringing)
Oh...
2174
01:30:25,586 --> 01:30:27,454
Hey. Look who it is.
Jimmy: What's up, dude?
2175
01:30:27,456 --> 01:30:28,989
We're at burning man!
2176
01:30:28,991 --> 01:30:30,657
Burning man!
2177
01:30:30,659 --> 01:30:31,958
Kelly: Hey!
2178
01:30:31,960 --> 01:30:35,529
Bring Stella!
You can bring kids!
Bring Stella!
2179
01:30:35,531 --> 01:30:37,831
Mac: No.
No, we're making
a Stella calendar.
2180
01:30:37,833 --> 01:30:39,065
Yeah, we got six months left.
2181
01:30:39,067 --> 01:30:40,200
She's Heisenberg.
She's Walter white.
2182
01:30:40,202 --> 01:30:42,502
Kelly: See?
You're such a lame-o!
2183
01:30:42,504 --> 01:30:44,104
Don't be so fucking lame!
Totally lame.
2184
01:30:44,106 --> 01:30:46,907
It only gets
better and better!
2185
01:30:46,909 --> 01:30:50,610
I feel completely comfortable
missing that party. Okay.
2186
01:30:50,612 --> 01:30:52,145
We gotta go, okay?
Kelly: We gotta go.
2187
01:30:52,147 --> 01:30:54,881
Yeah, have a good one.
Try not to die.
2188
01:30:54,883 --> 01:30:56,450
What should we do next?
2189
01:30:56,452 --> 01:30:58,051
Don draper. Yeah.
Mac: Yeah, don draper.
2190
01:30:58,053 --> 01:30:59,586
Let's get the leading
men out of the way.
2191
01:31:00,755 --> 01:31:02,456
I love you.
I love you.
2192
01:31:03,558 --> 01:31:05,091
We love you.
We love you.
2193
01:31:05,093 --> 01:31:06,626
Little Walter white.
Baby.
2194
01:36:36,991 --> 01:36:39,793
Jimmy: Sof hamisschak.
It means "game over."