1 00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:29,503 Oh, no, oh, no 2 00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:38,826 Ahhh, oh, no, ahhh, oh, no 3 00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:41,996 Ahhh, oh, no 4 00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:47,528 No, she don't mess around No, she don't mess around 5 00:00:51,754 --> 00:00:54,166 100% blue agave. 6 00:00:54,724 --> 00:00:55,745 Taste it. 7 00:00:55,825 --> 00:00:57,429 Look, Mike, I like you. 8 00:00:57,593 --> 00:00:59,903 But no one's looking for another brand of tequila. 9 00:01:00,063 --> 00:01:01,337 They've got the three... What is it? 10 00:01:01,497 --> 00:01:03,374 The Cuervo, the other one, and the third one. 11 00:01:03,599 --> 00:01:05,078 And they don't need more tequila. 12 00:01:05,234 --> 00:01:08,076 - If I can't sell it, it's not gonna sell. - People want the new-new. 13 00:01:08,237 --> 00:01:09,614 - The "new-new"? - The "new-new." 14 00:01:09,772 --> 00:01:10,893 They want that new-new. 15 00:01:10,973 --> 00:01:11,995 No! 16 00:01:12,075 --> 00:01:14,578 What if I could sell this tequila to a customer? 17 00:01:14,744 --> 00:01:16,815 - Would I have your order then? - Yeah, sure. 18 00:01:16,946 --> 00:01:18,653 And I'm just gonna pick a customer at random. 19 00:01:19,982 --> 00:01:20,983 Excuse me, sir. 20 00:01:21,217 --> 00:01:23,220 Do you enjoy the taste of tequila? 21 00:01:24,221 --> 00:01:25,292 Why, yes, I do. 22 00:01:25,457 --> 00:01:28,666 But I only drink my particular brand, and you will not convince me otherwise. 23 00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:30,803 - It's a perfect candidate. - Because it's your brother! 24 00:01:31,062 --> 00:01:32,166 I know that's your brother. 25 00:01:32,430 --> 00:01:33,636 He dated my niece. 26 00:01:33,765 --> 00:01:34,800 Look, mate, I don't know your niece. 27 00:01:35,033 --> 00:01:36,808 - Okay. - But if I did... 28 00:01:36,968 --> 00:01:39,778 I'd say she was a little clingy, and she'd freak a lot of people out. 29 00:01:39,938 --> 00:01:41,713 We play Wards With Friends together, right? 30 00:01:41,873 --> 00:01:44,877 - Dave, right? - Name's Rick. Just got in from Melbourne. 31 00:01:45,043 --> 00:01:46,044 His name's Rick. 32 00:01:46,211 --> 00:01:47,417 I know he's your brother. 33 00:01:47,645 --> 00:01:49,955 Look, look, look. You guys are funny, you're weird. 34 00:01:50,115 --> 00:01:51,458 We do this every couple weeks... 35 00:01:52,884 --> 00:01:54,105 All right, I'll take 10 cases. 36 00:01:54,185 --> 00:01:55,186 - Fuck, yes! - Yes! 37 00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:56,321 Yes! I knew it! 38 00:01:56,554 --> 00:01:58,710 - We sold your ass, Randy! - I don't know if that's what happened. 39 00:01:58,790 --> 00:02:00,098 - It was the hat, right? - Was it the hat? 40 00:02:00,191 --> 00:02:01,192 I just found this over there. 41 00:02:08,135 --> 00:02:09,273 Do something crazy 42 00:02:09,370 --> 00:02:11,505 Live like it's Mardi Gras 43 00:02:11,605 --> 00:02:13,260 And go jump, make the party start 44 00:02:13,340 --> 00:02:15,228 Don't need no R&R 45 00:02:15,308 --> 00:02:17,151 To regular life, I say Au revoir 46 00:02:17,244 --> 00:02:19,566 Yay! Living life in the fast lane 47 00:02:19,646 --> 00:02:21,182 Now your pain only be champagne 48 00:02:21,281 --> 00:02:24,819 So please come join me One thing, good vibes only 49 00:02:25,285 --> 00:02:28,858 Start the keg, I'mma fill my cup 50 00:02:28,955 --> 00:02:32,334 Got fireworks, got booze Let's blow some shit up 51 00:02:33,126 --> 00:02:34,867 Tonight I'm going stupid 52 00:02:34,961 --> 00:02:36,599 Doing things I've never done 53 00:02:37,097 --> 00:02:39,286 We all got one thing in common 54 00:02:39,366 --> 00:02:41,210 We just wanna have fun 55 00:02:44,306 --> 00:02:45,512 Do something crazy 56 00:02:46,608 --> 00:02:47,609 Okay 57 00:02:48,343 --> 00:02:49,344 Do something crazy 58 00:02:52,281 --> 00:02:53,282 Do what you wanna do 59 00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:57,219 Do something crazy 60 00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:01,223 I'm about to do 61 00:03:02,291 --> 00:03:03,292 I'm about to do 62 00:03:04,326 --> 00:03:05,327 Do something crazy 63 00:03:05,994 --> 00:03:06,995 Do something crazy 64 00:03:07,196 --> 00:03:09,233 Do something wild 65 00:03:09,331 --> 00:03:10,867 Rolling with the homies 66 00:03:10,966 --> 00:03:12,988 Chicks by my side 67 00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:15,207 Live for the moment 68 00:03:15,304 --> 00:03:17,079 All of the time 69 00:03:17,172 --> 00:03:19,083 Turn up the music 70 00:03:19,174 --> 00:03:20,882 Only good vibes 71 00:03:21,344 --> 00:03:22,833 Sorry to throw the accent at you, bro. 72 00:03:22,913 --> 00:03:24,415 No, dude. I loved it, and it kept me in the now. 73 00:03:24,748 --> 00:03:27,524 Do you realize that that sale puts us at number three in the office? 74 00:03:27,685 --> 00:03:30,187 The Stangle bros are killing it right now! 75 00:03:30,421 --> 00:03:32,492 It's not an actual hat. They just call it a jimmy hat. 76 00:03:32,656 --> 00:03:33,828 If you wear two, they break. 77 00:03:33,991 --> 00:03:36,096 - It's an urban legend... - No, it's not. 78 00:03:37,194 --> 00:03:38,229 Mom, Dad? 79 00:03:39,063 --> 00:03:40,235 Jeanie. Eric. 80 00:03:40,397 --> 00:03:43,241 Don't freak out. I don't want you to freak out. 81 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:44,470 Just come on in. 82 00:03:44,735 --> 00:03:46,590 Why don't we all just sit down? 83 00:03:46,670 --> 00:03:47,671 We gotta talk to you. 84 00:03:48,806 --> 00:03:50,149 We wanna discuss Jeanie and Eric's wedding. 85 00:03:50,407 --> 00:03:51,511 - Oh! Sweet. - Okay. 86 00:03:51,675 --> 00:03:54,121 Are you guys thinking DJ or band? First thought, band, right? 87 00:03:54,278 --> 00:03:55,848 No. People want to hear the real songs. 88 00:03:56,013 --> 00:03:58,289 You don't want to hear a guy singing Beyoncé. 89 00:03:58,382 --> 00:03:59,671 You just want to hear Beyoncé. 90 00:03:59,751 --> 00:04:00,739 Oh. 91 00:04:00,819 --> 00:04:03,009 Yeah, but we want to talk about... 92 00:04:03,089 --> 00:04:04,898 is you two. 93 00:04:06,359 --> 00:04:07,770 Now, over the years... 94 00:04:08,060 --> 00:04:10,973 a theme has emerged at our family gatherings. 95 00:04:11,130 --> 00:04:12,507 Everyone's having a good time... 96 00:04:12,798 --> 00:04:14,987 - That's right. - Things are going smoothly. 97 00:04:15,067 --> 00:04:16,189 Party time. 98 00:04:16,269 --> 00:04:18,324 And then you two show up... 99 00:04:18,404 --> 00:04:19,405 stag... 100 00:04:19,705 --> 00:04:20,740 and you hit on girls... 101 00:04:20,973 --> 00:04:22,043 you act like idiots... 102 00:04:22,208 --> 00:04:23,778 and you ruin it. 103 00:04:23,943 --> 00:04:24,944 Ruin it. 104 00:04:25,111 --> 00:04:27,352 - What? We are not party ruiners! - Mm-mm. 105 00:04:27,647 --> 00:04:28,853 We're party creators! 106 00:04:29,148 --> 00:04:31,958 And besides, when have we ever ruined a family event? 107 00:04:32,251 --> 00:04:33,406 Ah! 108 00:04:33,486 --> 00:04:34,624 We thought you might say that. 109 00:04:34,787 --> 00:04:35,841 Yep, here we go. And we just stream it. 110 00:04:35,921 --> 00:04:36,909 Apple TV. 111 00:04:36,989 --> 00:04:38,025 We just need your password. 112 00:04:38,258 --> 00:04:39,669 - Bryan's baby dick 69. - Yeah. 113 00:04:39,826 --> 00:04:41,306 Bryan's baby dick 69. 114 00:04:41,629 --> 00:04:43,233 What the fuck, guys? Really? 115 00:04:43,398 --> 00:04:44,419 - Got it. Yep. - Is that it? 116 00:04:44,499 --> 00:04:45,500 Good. 117 00:04:47,135 --> 00:04:49,081 Happy Fourth of July! 118 00:04:50,471 --> 00:04:51,506 Oh, shit! 119 00:04:55,510 --> 00:04:56,989 It was fun up to that point. 120 00:05:05,953 --> 00:05:08,024 God damn it! My trailer! 121 00:05:16,197 --> 00:05:17,654 Oh, shit. 122 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,541 Actually, this is what we're trying to avoid. 123 00:05:20,970 --> 00:05:23,041 - The both of you are fucking idiots. - Fucking losers! 124 00:05:32,215 --> 00:05:35,219 Grandpa, wake up! Take his tie. 125 00:05:35,385 --> 00:05:38,475 Are you saying we had something to do with Grandfather's death? Hmm? 126 00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:40,626 He died five years after that! 127 00:05:40,790 --> 00:05:42,701 That is a lot of guilt to put us. Shame on you. 128 00:05:42,859 --> 00:05:45,237 Plus, this video only shows the screw-ups. 129 00:05:45,495 --> 00:05:47,668 Where's the epic tracking shots of smiling faces? 130 00:05:48,365 --> 00:05:49,969 And everybody looking at us, just going... 131 00:05:50,133 --> 00:05:52,170 "God, I love Mike and Dave. 132 00:05:52,335 --> 00:05:54,440 "They made this whole party worth it." 133 00:05:54,704 --> 00:05:57,185 When are the two of you going to grow up? 134 00:05:57,408 --> 00:05:59,514 This shtick was cute for a while... 135 00:05:59,678 --> 00:06:01,089 but it's gotten stale. 136 00:06:01,246 --> 00:06:03,157 Mom, come on, what are you... 137 00:06:03,882 --> 00:06:06,522 You're talking about us like we're a couple of losers or something. 138 00:06:06,685 --> 00:06:09,757 What we don't want you to do is go chasing girls and get out of control. 139 00:06:09,921 --> 00:06:12,664 - You understand? - Wait, we can still talk to girls, right? 140 00:06:12,824 --> 00:06:15,734 - You can each talk to one girl. - The girls that you bring to the wedding. 141 00:06:16,428 --> 00:06:19,407 - What do you mean? - I want you to bring a date. 142 00:06:19,564 --> 00:06:24,056 - That's two dates. - You want us to bring dates to a wedding? 143 00:06:24,136 --> 00:06:26,341 - Excuse me? - Are you allowed to do that? 144 00:06:26,505 --> 00:06:29,177 Nice, respectable, smart girls! Keep you in line. 145 00:06:29,341 --> 00:06:30,547 - What the fuck? - What? 146 00:06:30,709 --> 00:06:32,052 - Are you insane? - Oh, you're kidding. 147 00:06:32,210 --> 00:06:34,451 You are not screwing up this wedding. Do you hear me? 148 00:06:34,613 --> 00:06:37,356 Mom, do you hear this river of horse shit coming out of Dad's mouth? 149 00:06:37,517 --> 00:06:40,556 We don't want you showing up stag and riling each other up! 150 00:06:40,721 --> 00:06:43,133 - We don't rile each other up! - We never get riled up! 151 00:06:43,290 --> 00:06:45,429 - I don't get riled! - He doesn't and I don't, either! 152 00:06:45,726 --> 00:06:47,296 Look at you right now! You're riled! 153 00:06:47,394 --> 00:06:49,601 - Take your head out of your ass, Dad! - You sound insane right now. 154 00:06:49,696 --> 00:06:52,267 Everybody stop yelling! Okay? 155 00:06:52,433 --> 00:06:54,640 You guys bringing wedding dates was my idea. 156 00:06:56,203 --> 00:06:58,774 Look, I love the shit out of you guys. 157 00:06:59,072 --> 00:07:01,951 But everyone is already stressed out about this wedding... 158 00:07:02,242 --> 00:07:04,984 and I just need you to be cool. 159 00:07:05,879 --> 00:07:06,880 Of course, Jeanie! 160 00:07:07,114 --> 00:07:08,388 Please? 161 00:07:08,549 --> 00:07:09,584 For me? 162 00:07:09,817 --> 00:07:12,161 I promise. We would never do anything to mess up your wedding. 163 00:07:12,786 --> 00:07:13,992 Jeanie, we love you. 164 00:07:14,556 --> 00:07:15,810 We want this to be the best day of your life. 165 00:07:15,890 --> 00:07:16,879 Yeah. 166 00:07:16,959 --> 00:07:18,047 You, too, Eric. 167 00:07:18,127 --> 00:07:19,333 - Oh. - Oh. Thank you. 168 00:07:19,628 --> 00:07:20,729 Mostly you, though, Jeanie. 169 00:07:21,764 --> 00:07:23,719 If you want us to bring dates, we're bringing dates. 170 00:07:23,799 --> 00:07:24,869 All right, it's settled then. 171 00:07:26,335 --> 00:07:27,712 Wedding dates! 172 00:07:28,070 --> 00:07:30,607 Dave, buddy, let me talk to you for a second, okay? Listen. 173 00:07:30,773 --> 00:07:32,844 I'm sorry to lump you in with Mike... 174 00:07:33,008 --> 00:07:34,681 but if I only told your older brother to bring a date... 175 00:07:34,844 --> 00:07:36,448 he'd get all weird about it. 176 00:07:36,679 --> 00:07:38,750 I just feel like he's holding you back. 177 00:07:38,914 --> 00:07:40,450 Dad, I don't mind being lumped in with Mike. 178 00:07:40,683 --> 00:07:42,026 Do you remember the fifth grade bake sale... 179 00:07:42,184 --> 00:07:43,219 when Mom made those cupcakes... 180 00:07:43,486 --> 00:07:44,658 and I called them moist? 181 00:07:44,820 --> 00:07:47,130 - Mm-hmm. - Everyone called me Moist... 182 00:07:47,289 --> 00:07:49,200 till Mike took a cupcake... 183 00:07:49,358 --> 00:07:51,998 and shoved it in Tom Ginty's face. 184 00:07:52,161 --> 00:07:55,473 He said, "Now you're moist, Moist." 185 00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,706 That's the kind of guy Mike is. 186 00:07:58,970 --> 00:08:00,506 So, think on that... 187 00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:02,645 Dad. 188 00:08:04,942 --> 00:08:07,047 I'm sorry, I didn't mean to end that on such a weird note, Dad. 189 00:08:07,144 --> 00:08:09,215 - I love you. And thanks. - Good. I don't want you to be mad. 190 00:08:09,313 --> 00:08:10,435 I'm not even mad. I'm not even upset. 191 00:08:10,515 --> 00:08:11,550 We're gonna find some dates. 192 00:08:12,683 --> 00:08:15,254 I gotta say, some nights, I am not looking my best. 193 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:18,466 But tonight is not one of those nights! 194 00:08:18,656 --> 00:08:19,862 - Do you like my hair? - Yeah, girl. 195 00:08:20,024 --> 00:08:21,526 - You look good. - No. 196 00:08:21,692 --> 00:08:22,864 We're gonna make a lot of tips tonight. 197 00:08:23,127 --> 00:08:25,038 Good. We need it. We don't have any money. 198 00:08:25,363 --> 00:08:27,001 Uh, you got money for this ride, don't you? 199 00:08:27,498 --> 00:08:29,020 - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! - Yeah, yeah, yeah! 200 00:08:29,100 --> 00:08:30,988 - 'Cause you have money? - I thought you had money. 201 00:08:31,068 --> 00:08:33,125 - I don't have any money. - You know I don't have money. 202 00:08:33,205 --> 00:08:35,743 Yeah, y'all are whispering like people that don't got money. 203 00:08:35,909 --> 00:08:37,354 Check it out. I'mma pay you right now. 204 00:08:37,810 --> 00:08:39,165 Boop. I Apple Paid. 205 00:08:39,245 --> 00:08:40,383 I don't even have Apple Pay. 206 00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:42,421 Yo, Siri, pay this man. 207 00:08:42,715 --> 00:08:43,703 He's already paid. 208 00:08:43,783 --> 00:08:44,771 God damn it! 209 00:08:44,851 --> 00:08:47,263 I'm not gonna take shit from you, because this my cab. 210 00:08:47,420 --> 00:08:48,842 You shouldn't take shit from us. 211 00:08:48,922 --> 00:08:51,144 - You should kick us out! - You should kick us out of this cab. 212 00:08:51,224 --> 00:08:54,314 You know what? I'm gonna kick you the fuck out of this cab. 213 00:08:54,394 --> 00:08:56,616 Yeah, just go three more blocks up on the right... 214 00:08:56,696 --> 00:08:57,731 and then kick us out! 215 00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:01,234 Here we are! Get out of my cab. 216 00:09:01,401 --> 00:09:02,709 Thank you. You're a really good person. 217 00:09:02,869 --> 00:09:03,904 Okay, God bless you. 218 00:09:04,070 --> 00:09:06,550 I'm just gonna start driving for Uber. Fuck it. 219 00:09:07,006 --> 00:09:08,007 Ooh. I got a good idea. 220 00:09:08,174 --> 00:09:09,847 Let's pop off, get a couple of drinks before work. 221 00:09:10,009 --> 00:09:12,081 Just a few, because I don't want to get hammered. 222 00:09:12,246 --> 00:09:13,748 Yeah, of course not. Just a light buzz. 223 00:09:20,355 --> 00:09:23,426 Hey, hey, hey! Welcome to Sake Bombers... 224 00:09:23,592 --> 00:09:25,799 where your first Sake Bomb is on us! 225 00:09:25,961 --> 00:09:27,872 - Kaboom! - You're drunk, Alice. 226 00:09:28,096 --> 00:09:29,718 You're doing that thing where you're whispering, 227 00:09:29,798 --> 00:09:30,936 but you're really yelling. 228 00:09:31,099 --> 00:09:32,407 Because I'm upset with you. 229 00:09:32,567 --> 00:09:33,602 Oh, what the hell? 230 00:09:33,768 --> 00:09:36,091 I don't understand why you just started yelling at me for no reason. 231 00:09:36,171 --> 00:09:38,978 - What the hell is going on here? - Your little buddy is shit-faced. 232 00:09:40,141 --> 00:09:43,920 Straight up. Her fiancé just left her at the altar. 233 00:09:44,212 --> 00:09:45,200 She's been going through a hard time. 234 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,369 - Are you guys talking about me? - No, baby girl. 235 00:09:47,449 --> 00:09:48,928 You know how many times I have come in here... 236 00:09:49,084 --> 00:09:53,033 and she is drunk off her fucking ass, dancing on the tables? 237 00:09:53,155 --> 00:09:56,330 Only when Rihanna comes on, because it's my jam. 238 00:09:56,493 --> 00:09:58,234 I am a strong independent woman. 239 00:09:58,495 --> 00:10:02,068 And I will get on a table and shake my shit to RiRi. 240 00:10:02,232 --> 00:10:04,221 Because it's my right. America! 241 00:10:04,301 --> 00:10:05,302 Feminism! 242 00:10:05,469 --> 00:10:06,914 You just push your tits up and say feminism? 243 00:10:07,070 --> 00:10:08,447 Yeah. Read a Twitter. 244 00:10:08,872 --> 00:10:11,815 # 2016. Women can do shit now. 245 00:10:14,511 --> 00:10:15,956 Don't do that! 246 00:10:16,113 --> 00:10:17,615 Who put her jam on? 247 00:10:17,914 --> 00:10:19,951 Queen RiRi, forever! 248 00:10:20,117 --> 00:10:22,028 I'm really sorry that I got us fired. 249 00:10:22,285 --> 00:10:24,492 I'm just sort of surprised it didn't happen sooner... 250 00:10:24,655 --> 00:10:26,100 - but I'm still really sorry. - Hey! 251 00:10:26,590 --> 00:10:29,503 Alice, you do not apologize right now, okay? 252 00:10:29,593 --> 00:10:30,698 You didn't do one thing wrong. 253 00:10:30,928 --> 00:10:33,170 - Okay. - People need to get in line with you. 254 00:10:33,332 --> 00:10:35,369 Right. You're right. 255 00:10:35,534 --> 00:10:37,275 Alice, why are you watching your wedding video? 256 00:10:37,436 --> 00:10:39,925 And Alice... do you take Luke? 257 00:10:40,005 --> 00:10:41,026 I do. 258 00:10:41,106 --> 00:10:43,982 Because it's therapeutic. The more I watch it, the less I feel. 259 00:10:44,109 --> 00:10:45,179 And do you, Luke, take Alice? 260 00:10:45,377 --> 00:10:46,378 I do... 261 00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:47,813 not. 262 00:10:50,349 --> 00:10:51,555 Oh, man. Fuck you, Luke. 263 00:10:52,084 --> 00:10:53,358 Oh, fuck that guy. 264 00:10:53,619 --> 00:10:54,859 Fuck him right in his dick. 265 00:10:55,020 --> 00:10:56,055 No! 266 00:10:56,221 --> 00:10:59,998 Because now I'm picturing his dick getting fucked by another dick. 267 00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:01,570 And it makes me want to protect it. 268 00:11:02,895 --> 00:11:05,375 Oh, my God, girl! Damn! 269 00:11:05,531 --> 00:11:07,204 You're better than this. Come on! 270 00:11:07,366 --> 00:11:08,845 We're T and A! 271 00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:11,505 Where's the Alice who made vodka pot brownies with me... 272 00:11:11,672 --> 00:11:13,049 for the junior high science fair? 273 00:11:13,207 --> 00:11:16,346 Or gave us water balloon tits and we won that wet T-shirt contest in Mexico? 274 00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,649 Oh, yeah, they were so nice. 275 00:11:18,813 --> 00:11:20,486 I know, dude. We need that shit. 276 00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:22,318 I'm tired of living like this. 277 00:11:23,317 --> 00:11:24,887 We need an adventure. 278 00:11:27,021 --> 00:11:29,399 We've got a great little package we're selling here, man. 279 00:11:29,557 --> 00:11:31,833 A week in a tropical paradise... 280 00:11:31,992 --> 00:11:34,939 with two fun-loving, yet surprisingly well-read bros? 281 00:11:35,062 --> 00:11:36,050 Yeah. 282 00:11:36,130 --> 00:11:37,885 I read most of the Goosebumps series, and so did you. 283 00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:38,953 Yeah. 284 00:11:39,033 --> 00:11:40,021 Where do I sign up? 285 00:11:40,101 --> 00:11:41,288 Dude, focus. 286 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,109 - Okay. - This is for Jeanie. 287 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:46,874 So to find the perfect fun, but nice girls, we're gonna have to meet a lot of them. 288 00:11:47,308 --> 00:11:48,309 The Internet! 289 00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:49,544 That's a good idea. 290 00:11:49,778 --> 00:11:51,258 Match.com, Tinder... 291 00:11:51,414 --> 00:11:52,969 Grindr, OkCupid. 292 00:11:53,049 --> 00:11:54,050 Craigslist! 293 00:11:54,217 --> 00:11:55,271 Craigslist? 294 00:11:55,351 --> 00:11:57,456 Craigslist, you think, that's where you go to meet nice girls? 295 00:11:57,553 --> 00:11:58,725 Dave? 296 00:11:58,888 --> 00:12:00,561 We met this couch on Craigslist. 297 00:12:01,424 --> 00:12:03,665 And you wuv this couch, don't you? 298 00:12:04,727 --> 00:12:06,866 I do love that couch. 299 00:12:07,730 --> 00:12:09,300 I'm gonna unlock the swag on this bitch. 300 00:12:09,632 --> 00:12:10,620 All right. 301 00:12:10,700 --> 00:12:13,340 Here you go. Just take a little sip. Take a little nip-a-roo. 302 00:12:16,806 --> 00:12:17,807 Boom! 303 00:12:18,708 --> 00:12:19,996 Do you think anyone's even really gonna see this? 304 00:12:20,076 --> 00:12:21,077 God, I hope so. 305 00:12:21,377 --> 00:12:22,549 Like max, what do you think? 306 00:12:22,712 --> 00:12:25,386 We're gonna get, like, five or six dates out of this, or what? 307 00:12:25,548 --> 00:12:27,152 I'd be happy with that. 308 00:12:33,158 --> 00:12:34,179 Hey. 309 00:12:34,259 --> 00:12:36,705 Did you see this thing that Shelly's sending around the office? 310 00:12:36,928 --> 00:12:38,999 It's a free trip to Hawaii! 311 00:12:39,164 --> 00:12:40,719 Look what someone posted to my Facebook. 312 00:12:40,799 --> 00:12:43,109 - I gotta tweet this out. - Those guys are cute. 313 00:12:43,268 --> 00:12:44,303 Ala-hat! 314 00:12:44,469 --> 00:12:47,508 - I got the one on the right. - I like the one on the right. 315 00:12:47,672 --> 00:12:48,660 Oh, I got the one on the right. 316 00:12:48,740 --> 00:12:50,981 I like the one on the right. 317 00:12:51,109 --> 00:12:53,198 - We gotta send this to everyone. - Let's all apply! 318 00:12:53,278 --> 00:12:55,400 - I want to go to Hawaii. - I just emailed them. 319 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:56,668 Let's just meet them, give 'em a chance. 320 00:12:56,748 --> 00:12:58,853 So, you guys want to go to a wedding? 321 00:13:00,485 --> 00:13:01,520 Uh, what are your names? 322 00:13:03,188 --> 00:13:04,189 Do you guys have names? 323 00:13:05,824 --> 00:13:08,704 Basically we were looking through Craigslist for work. 324 00:13:09,362 --> 00:13:10,517 Oh, you're both... 325 00:13:10,597 --> 00:13:11,598 Prostitutes. 326 00:13:11,865 --> 00:13:13,386 Whatever. Take us to Hawaii! 327 00:13:13,466 --> 00:13:14,467 Hawaii! 328 00:13:17,604 --> 00:13:18,892 We can't take you. 329 00:13:18,972 --> 00:13:19,960 No way. 330 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:22,316 Did you guys say something about an all-expenses-paid trip to Hawaii? 331 00:13:22,542 --> 00:13:23,680 It's just for girls. 332 00:13:24,044 --> 00:13:25,819 That's not a deal breaker. 333 00:13:26,046 --> 00:13:27,150 Hi, my name is Lauralie... 334 00:13:27,314 --> 00:13:28,602 and I'm kind of new to this. 335 00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:29,669 Yeah. 336 00:13:29,749 --> 00:13:30,887 You're new to... 337 00:13:31,184 --> 00:13:32,663 Online dating. Yeah. 338 00:13:32,819 --> 00:13:35,197 I'm not really looking for a heteronormative relationship. 339 00:13:35,322 --> 00:13:37,893 - You look like a Nike swoosh. - Goddamn right, I do. 340 00:13:38,058 --> 00:13:39,059 I work at a dog shelter. 341 00:13:39,326 --> 00:13:40,703 Our sister loves dogs. 342 00:13:40,861 --> 00:13:42,015 I wanna make sure they get really good homes. 343 00:13:42,095 --> 00:13:43,096 What's a good home? 344 00:13:43,663 --> 00:13:44,903 The white homes. 345 00:13:45,065 --> 00:13:47,012 - The what homes? - The white homes. 346 00:13:47,168 --> 00:13:48,375 Like white people. 347 00:13:50,839 --> 00:13:52,375 Check, please. 348 00:13:52,674 --> 00:13:55,745 This isn't lipstick. This is a tattoo, you dumb fuck. 349 00:13:56,745 --> 00:13:59,589 Who are you laughing at? Who? 350 00:13:59,848 --> 00:14:01,020 All right, look, here's the deal. 351 00:14:01,316 --> 00:14:03,523 I went through a divorce, like, three weeks ago. I need a vacation. 352 00:14:03,819 --> 00:14:05,174 No. 353 00:14:05,254 --> 00:14:06,255 Okay, you guys sure you don't want to fuck? 354 00:14:06,355 --> 00:14:07,356 - What? - Nothing. 355 00:14:07,489 --> 00:14:08,510 - What did you say? - Nothing. 356 00:14:08,590 --> 00:14:10,879 Sounded like you said, "Do you wanna fuck?" 357 00:14:10,959 --> 00:14:11,960 Do you wanna fuck? 358 00:14:12,094 --> 00:14:13,115 - What? - What? 359 00:14:13,195 --> 00:14:14,503 - What? - You guys... 360 00:14:14,663 --> 00:14:15,767 - Do you want me to fuck you? - No. 361 00:14:15,931 --> 00:14:17,410 - No. - I didn't say it, but... 362 00:14:17,499 --> 00:14:19,638 - I'll suck your dick right now. What? - What? 363 00:14:26,242 --> 00:14:29,584 Welcome back. I'm here with Mike and Dave Stangle... 364 00:14:29,747 --> 00:14:31,420 who posted an ad on Craigslist... 365 00:14:31,582 --> 00:14:33,323 looking for dates for their sister's wedding... 366 00:14:33,584 --> 00:14:35,621 in Oahu, Hawaii. 367 00:14:35,786 --> 00:14:36,890 Well, the ad went viral. 368 00:14:37,054 --> 00:14:38,089 Mm-hmm. 369 00:14:38,255 --> 00:14:40,633 It racked up over 6,000 responses... 370 00:14:40,791 --> 00:14:43,013 from women who actually wanted to go. 371 00:14:43,093 --> 00:14:44,094 Yeah, well, who's counting? 372 00:14:44,261 --> 00:14:45,706 You know, I guess we all are. 373 00:14:45,930 --> 00:14:46,965 Is this my close-up? 374 00:14:47,131 --> 00:14:48,633 You guys, come on. Craigslist? 375 00:14:48,799 --> 00:14:51,211 Honestly, this is about finding nice girls... 376 00:14:51,368 --> 00:14:53,712 to go with us to Hawaii for our sister's wedding. 377 00:14:53,871 --> 00:14:55,043 And I just want to reiterate... 378 00:14:55,205 --> 00:14:57,685 we're footing the bill for this because we're gentlemen. 379 00:14:57,942 --> 00:15:00,631 - Free trip to Hawaii? - I'm awake! 380 00:15:00,711 --> 00:15:01,985 - Come on. Craigslist. - What's up? 381 00:15:02,146 --> 00:15:03,557 That's where you go to buy old patio furniture. 382 00:15:03,714 --> 00:15:04,955 You know what else you can find on Craigslist? 383 00:15:05,116 --> 00:15:06,151 Mm-hmm. 384 00:15:06,585 --> 00:15:07,928 - Love. - Mm-mm. 385 00:15:08,087 --> 00:15:10,260 That's right. I said it. 386 00:15:10,423 --> 00:15:12,096 - Love. - That one seems sweet. 387 00:15:12,325 --> 00:15:14,396 He has a kind soul. 388 00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:16,562 Yeah, and he's also super hot. 389 00:15:18,431 --> 00:15:20,274 Yeah, he's hot as fucking balls. 390 00:15:20,433 --> 00:15:22,845 But just to repeat, we're looking for nice girls. 391 00:15:23,002 --> 00:15:26,279 Like, girls that our mom and our sister would like. 392 00:15:26,439 --> 00:15:29,784 Okay, look, dude, we are going to Hawaii. 393 00:15:30,009 --> 00:15:31,386 Let's go on vacation. 394 00:15:31,677 --> 00:15:33,452 But it's not a vacation. It's a wedding. 395 00:15:33,746 --> 00:15:36,022 Do you really think a wedding's the best place for me? 396 00:15:36,182 --> 00:15:39,459 Since the last wedding I went to was mine... 397 00:15:39,618 --> 00:15:41,107 and it didn't turn out very well. 398 00:15:41,187 --> 00:15:42,188 I hear you, but look... 399 00:15:42,421 --> 00:15:44,868 this shit is why this shit is perfect, okay? 400 00:15:45,025 --> 00:15:47,199 Because ever since Luke left, you haven't been the same. 401 00:15:47,495 --> 00:15:49,941 You need to get over that, once and for all. 402 00:15:50,098 --> 00:15:51,202 And this our shot, man. 403 00:15:51,499 --> 00:15:53,479 That dude, he's gonna get your groove back. 404 00:15:53,701 --> 00:15:56,705 This right here is an opportunity of a lifetime... 405 00:15:56,871 --> 00:15:59,044 and you know we are entrepreneurs. 406 00:15:59,207 --> 00:16:00,208 You know what? 407 00:16:00,375 --> 00:16:02,616 Let's make these guys take us to Hawaii! 408 00:16:02,777 --> 00:16:04,450 You're right! Let's do it! 409 00:16:04,612 --> 00:16:05,600 Let's just do it! 410 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:06,715 - Yes, bitch. - Let's fucking do it! 411 00:16:07,715 --> 00:16:09,003 We'll be right back. 412 00:16:09,083 --> 00:16:12,297 We gonna go to Hawaii! We gonna go to Hawaii! 413 00:16:14,022 --> 00:16:15,023 Whoa! Whoa! 414 00:16:15,156 --> 00:16:16,328 - Hold up! - What? 415 00:16:17,725 --> 00:16:21,002 Those boys said they wanted nice girls. We don't look like nice girls. 416 00:16:21,996 --> 00:16:23,908 Yeah, I guess I haven't showered in a while. 417 00:16:24,199 --> 00:16:26,043 Fine, well, you know what we're gonna do? 418 00:16:27,370 --> 00:16:30,010 We're gonna look respectable as fuck. 419 00:16:30,306 --> 00:16:31,512 Like nice girls. 420 00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:34,884 Ugh. 421 00:16:35,045 --> 00:16:37,116 Dude, it's like that Jesus rag! 422 00:16:38,181 --> 00:16:39,751 Ow! It's part of me. 423 00:16:40,550 --> 00:16:42,530 Tatiana, your underwear needs more underwears. 424 00:16:43,987 --> 00:16:44,988 Whoa! 425 00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:49,370 Oh, this dress is my bitch! 426 00:16:52,028 --> 00:16:54,030 Dude, we have met 37 insane women. 427 00:16:55,265 --> 00:16:56,573 We can't bring any of these girls. 428 00:16:56,733 --> 00:16:58,770 Maybe Dad'll just forget about his ultimatum. 429 00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:01,882 Why would Dad forget about an old tomato? 430 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:04,079 No, his ultimatum. 431 00:17:04,242 --> 00:17:05,414 - Old tom... - Ultimatum. 432 00:17:05,577 --> 00:17:06,612 Are you saying "old tomato"? 433 00:17:06,878 --> 00:17:09,501 Ultima-tomb. Like a tomb or a crypt. 434 00:17:09,581 --> 00:17:10,616 Ultimatum. 435 00:17:10,749 --> 00:17:13,992 Well, we gotta figure something out, because the wedding's coming up quick. 436 00:17:24,096 --> 00:17:25,632 Why is everything a competition with you? 437 00:17:25,864 --> 00:17:28,140 And I said that first, so actually, I won that. 438 00:17:30,936 --> 00:17:32,142 So what time are we meeting them? 439 00:17:32,304 --> 00:17:34,079 Technically, no time. 440 00:17:35,540 --> 00:17:37,611 Yeah, because I was thinking about emailing them... 441 00:17:37,776 --> 00:17:39,380 but then I was thinking, um... 442 00:17:39,544 --> 00:17:42,424 what kind of floozy-ass bimbo would respond to that ad? 443 00:17:42,782 --> 00:17:43,818 Um... 444 00:17:43,917 --> 00:17:44,918 Us. 445 00:17:45,085 --> 00:17:47,565 Yeah, but we're not like those idiots. You know what I'm saying? 446 00:17:47,721 --> 00:17:50,531 Because they're all like, "Oh! Pick me, pick me!" 447 00:17:50,824 --> 00:17:52,826 it's like the guys interviewing the girls. 448 00:17:52,993 --> 00:17:55,496 Like, it immediately would put us in an inferior position. 449 00:17:55,662 --> 00:17:57,664 We're gonna flip the script and Bachelorette that shit. 450 00:17:57,931 --> 00:18:00,104 - Those guys would be lucky to have us. - Right. 451 00:18:00,267 --> 00:18:02,338 - We just gotta make them think so. - Okay, right. 452 00:18:02,436 --> 00:18:04,609 But, you know, I'm really not good at lying... 453 00:18:04,705 --> 00:18:07,027 because I always try to start small and then it gets crazy... 454 00:18:07,107 --> 00:18:09,815 and I make-up stuff that couldn't possibly be true. 455 00:18:10,110 --> 00:18:12,733 Baby, you can do this. Let's practice, okay? 456 00:18:12,813 --> 00:18:13,801 Okay. 457 00:18:13,881 --> 00:18:14,951 - Um, what do you like to do? - Drink. 458 00:18:16,016 --> 00:18:17,256 Just sweet teas. 459 00:18:17,518 --> 00:18:19,498 Sweet teas and biscuits on blimps. 460 00:18:19,653 --> 00:18:21,793 All right, straight up, you don't have to do an accent. 461 00:18:21,956 --> 00:18:22,992 I was doing an accent? 462 00:18:23,159 --> 00:18:24,229 And definitely don't bring up blimps. 463 00:18:24,493 --> 00:18:25,801 Shit! They're leaving. 464 00:18:26,028 --> 00:18:27,268 If it was a competition, I won it. 465 00:18:27,530 --> 00:18:29,601 All right, don't worry. 466 00:18:29,765 --> 00:18:30,766 It's all part of the plan. 467 00:18:30,933 --> 00:18:32,037 - Is it? - Oh, yeah. 468 00:18:32,201 --> 00:18:34,681 What does that mean? What plan? I don't know this part of the plan... 469 00:18:34,770 --> 00:18:35,771 Whoa! Ahh! 470 00:18:36,272 --> 00:18:38,073 Oh, fuck! 471 00:18:39,108 --> 00:18:40,963 Tatiana! Oh! 472 00:18:41,043 --> 00:18:42,044 Holy shit. 473 00:18:42,278 --> 00:18:43,279 Babe. Are you okay? 474 00:18:43,512 --> 00:18:45,355 I'm okay. Yell, "She can't breathe!" 475 00:18:45,514 --> 00:18:46,618 She can't breathe! 476 00:18:46,782 --> 00:18:48,170 She can't breathe! Somebody help her! 477 00:18:48,250 --> 00:18:49,251 Somebody give her CPR! 478 00:18:49,518 --> 00:18:51,054 - She can't breathe! - I know CPR! 479 00:18:51,220 --> 00:18:52,665 - Great! - I was a volunteer EMT! 480 00:18:52,888 --> 00:18:54,196 Hey, don't worry. My brother's got this, okay? 481 00:18:54,390 --> 00:18:55,926 I took a class. I know what I'm doing. 482 00:18:56,192 --> 00:18:57,193 - She has a weak heart! - Ma'am? 483 00:18:57,459 --> 00:18:58,631 - Ma'am? - She has a weak heart. 484 00:18:58,794 --> 00:19:00,934 I'm an EMT. I'm like a doctor, basically. 485 00:19:01,198 --> 00:19:03,839 I'm here to save your fucking life, okay? 486 00:19:04,001 --> 00:19:06,242 - She's my only friend! - That's her only friend, Mike! 487 00:19:06,470 --> 00:19:07,592 We got a pulse! Okay. 488 00:19:07,672 --> 00:19:08,893 Don't let her die! 489 00:19:08,973 --> 00:19:10,714 Don't you fucking let her die, Mike! 490 00:19:10,875 --> 00:19:12,912 Just shut the fuck up, Dave! You, too, shut up! 491 00:19:13,211 --> 00:19:14,815 Both of you, shut up! Okay? 492 00:19:14,912 --> 00:19:15,913 I'm gonna save her life! 493 00:19:19,016 --> 00:19:20,617 Plug the nose. 494 00:19:23,754 --> 00:19:24,755 Oh! 495 00:19:25,823 --> 00:19:27,302 Are you okay? 496 00:19:27,925 --> 00:19:29,765 I am now. 497 00:19:31,028 --> 00:19:32,530 - I saved her life! - She's okay! 498 00:19:32,697 --> 00:19:34,176 - She's okay? - I saved her life! 499 00:19:34,499 --> 00:19:36,901 Thank you! Thank you! 500 00:19:37,068 --> 00:19:39,413 - You're under arrest. - She hit my car! 501 00:19:39,571 --> 00:19:40,827 No, you guys, I'm totally fine, really. 502 00:19:40,907 --> 00:19:42,045 It happens all the time. 503 00:19:42,208 --> 00:19:44,620 That was a vicious hit. We should take you to the hospital. 504 00:19:44,777 --> 00:19:46,620 It's crazy. It's almost like I owe you my life. 505 00:19:47,547 --> 00:19:49,356 - Almost. - Yeah. Technically, yeah. 506 00:19:49,515 --> 00:19:51,586 - Let me help you with that ice. - I do. 507 00:19:51,784 --> 00:19:52,805 Oh, no. 508 00:19:52,885 --> 00:19:54,592 Seems like it's going pretty well with your guy. 509 00:19:54,754 --> 00:19:58,010 Dude, I'm fucking crushing it! So hard! 510 00:19:58,090 --> 00:20:02,035 Check this out. The kids in my class are gonna love this story. 511 00:20:02,195 --> 00:20:03,799 I'm a school teacher. 512 00:20:05,698 --> 00:20:08,042 You're a school teacher? Wow. 513 00:20:08,201 --> 00:20:10,943 Oop. I think they spelt "frittata" wrong on the menu. 514 00:20:11,104 --> 00:20:12,811 I always notice words and spelling... 515 00:20:12,972 --> 00:20:14,645 because I'm a teacher... 516 00:20:15,408 --> 00:20:16,648 and that's what I do. 517 00:20:17,576 --> 00:20:20,949 - That's... - So, Alice, um, what do you do? 518 00:20:21,783 --> 00:20:22,921 Manage a hedge fund. 519 00:20:23,251 --> 00:20:24,389 You manage a hedge fund? 520 00:20:24,552 --> 00:20:26,657 I don't even know what a hedge fund is. 521 00:20:26,821 --> 00:20:29,324 Oh. So there's a regular fund, and then there's a hedge fund. 522 00:20:29,491 --> 00:20:31,562 And our fund... 523 00:20:32,394 --> 00:20:33,464 Uh, we hedge it. 524 00:20:33,962 --> 00:20:34,963 We hedge it hard. 525 00:20:35,130 --> 00:20:36,131 Oh, wow. 526 00:20:36,831 --> 00:20:38,435 I get in, in the morning, and I'm like... 527 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,410 "How's the hedging coming? You been hedging? You hedged much?" 528 00:20:41,670 --> 00:20:43,877 And it's like, too big to fail. 529 00:20:44,139 --> 00:20:46,016 Corporate greed, bailouts. 530 00:20:46,174 --> 00:20:48,279 In a New York minute, everything can change. 531 00:20:48,576 --> 00:20:51,455 On the floor of the NASDAQ and the U.N. 532 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:52,818 And then, Fannie Mae. 533 00:20:53,481 --> 00:20:55,825 Bernie Mac and D.L. Hughley... 534 00:20:55,984 --> 00:20:57,157 - Alice, you want some water? - Yeah. 535 00:20:57,453 --> 00:20:59,229 - That's so smart. - That is. 536 00:20:59,523 --> 00:21:01,245 "But what I do have... 537 00:21:01,325 --> 00:21:03,513 "is a particular set of skills. 538 00:21:03,593 --> 00:21:06,164 "Skills I have acquired over a very long career. 539 00:21:06,463 --> 00:21:09,307 "Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you." 540 00:21:11,101 --> 00:21:12,171 Click. That's it. 541 00:21:12,436 --> 00:21:13,523 That was amazing. 542 00:21:13,603 --> 00:21:15,048 It was like Dave was not even here... 543 00:21:15,205 --> 00:21:17,116 and I was just standing in a bar with Liam Neeson. 544 00:21:17,274 --> 00:21:18,719 Like, "Hello, Liam Neeson's over here." 545 00:21:19,009 --> 00:21:21,387 You're a professional comedian or something? 546 00:21:21,545 --> 00:21:24,355 What? No. I sell liquor with my brother. 547 00:21:24,514 --> 00:21:25,515 - Oh. - Yeah. 548 00:21:25,782 --> 00:21:27,489 - I do like to draw. - Oh, yeah? 549 00:21:27,651 --> 00:21:29,130 Yeah, I have drawings here I could show you. 550 00:21:29,953 --> 00:21:31,057 Oh, shit, not that. Sorry. 551 00:21:31,221 --> 00:21:33,360 Here. So, they're like The Avengers... 552 00:21:33,523 --> 00:21:35,230 but they're different types of alcohol. 553 00:21:35,525 --> 00:21:38,565 So, you have Tequila, and then he's got his pet worm right there. 554 00:21:38,864 --> 00:21:40,639 And his name is Lil' Mez. 555 00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:42,411 Because he'll "Mez" you up. 556 00:21:42,568 --> 00:21:44,256 The next one right there, that's Gin. 557 00:21:44,336 --> 00:21:46,492 When he flips his cap off, dawg, he's just like... 558 00:21:46,572 --> 00:21:49,519 "Yo, I'll pop you off. Guaranteed. One knock." 559 00:21:49,808 --> 00:21:52,488 Done. Next, Whiskey. 560 00:21:52,611 --> 00:21:55,350 Likes to make moonshine and kill bad guys. 561 00:21:55,514 --> 00:21:57,369 Dude, this is objectively amazing. 562 00:21:57,449 --> 00:21:58,587 Thanks. 563 00:21:58,717 --> 00:22:01,027 What's the hardest thing about being a teacher? 564 00:22:01,687 --> 00:22:02,688 I don't know. 565 00:22:04,857 --> 00:22:05,892 Oh, um... 566 00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:08,947 The hardest thing about being a teacher... 567 00:22:09,027 --> 00:22:10,131 is teaching cursive. 568 00:22:10,429 --> 00:22:11,703 That's awesome. 569 00:22:11,864 --> 00:22:13,605 - What about you? - Yeah? 570 00:22:13,766 --> 00:22:15,542 - Are you seeing anyone? - No. 571 00:22:16,236 --> 00:22:18,025 My ex is gone. Long gone. 572 00:22:18,105 --> 00:22:19,106 What do you mean? 573 00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:21,117 He died. Of cancer. 574 00:22:21,375 --> 00:22:22,410 Oh, my God. 575 00:22:22,576 --> 00:22:23,577 And AIDS. 576 00:22:24,044 --> 00:22:25,045 He died twice? 577 00:22:25,379 --> 00:22:27,723 And then he died in a plane crash, so... 578 00:22:28,282 --> 00:22:30,193 Whoo! That's a lot to take in. 579 00:22:30,351 --> 00:22:32,297 I know! 580 00:22:32,820 --> 00:22:33,855 Thank you. 581 00:22:34,021 --> 00:22:35,523 Thank you, brotha. 582 00:22:37,558 --> 00:22:38,866 Dude. 583 00:22:39,026 --> 00:22:41,802 We should take these girls to the wedding. Right? 584 00:22:41,962 --> 00:22:43,703 Mine's a sexy school teacher... 585 00:22:43,864 --> 00:22:46,208 and yours... hedges funds. 586 00:22:46,367 --> 00:22:47,744 - Just keep doing sexy eyes. - Okay. 587 00:22:47,902 --> 00:22:49,313 Keep doing sexy eyes. 588 00:22:50,104 --> 00:22:51,378 I like Alice. 589 00:22:51,539 --> 00:22:53,917 And she's smart, she's funny, she's weird. 590 00:22:54,208 --> 00:22:57,089 We invite these girls to the wedding, suddenly we're not losers. 591 00:22:57,246 --> 00:22:58,748 We're winners! 592 00:23:01,217 --> 00:23:02,252 Here they come. They're coming. 593 00:23:02,485 --> 00:23:04,226 Hey, uh, this might sound crazy... 594 00:23:04,387 --> 00:23:06,958 but our little sister is getting married in Hawaii... 595 00:23:07,256 --> 00:23:11,227 and we wanted to know if you guys wanted to come with. 596 00:23:11,427 --> 00:23:12,963 - Um... - Um... 597 00:23:13,062 --> 00:23:15,167 Can you just give us a second to... 598 00:23:15,731 --> 00:23:16,971 Of course. 599 00:23:17,133 --> 00:23:20,080 Okay, so just whisper like we're talking it over... 600 00:23:20,236 --> 00:23:21,324 like we're not sure if we wanna go or not. 601 00:23:21,404 --> 00:23:22,405 Oh, like... 602 00:23:28,177 --> 00:23:29,247 What the fuck are you doing? 603 00:23:29,412 --> 00:23:30,933 I don't understand why we're arguing! 604 00:23:31,013 --> 00:23:32,185 I thought we wanted to go. 605 00:23:32,348 --> 00:23:34,589 All right, fuck it. Let's go to Hawaii! 606 00:23:34,785 --> 00:23:37,129 - Yes! Fuck yes! - Hawaii! 607 00:23:39,824 --> 00:23:40,979 Yo, what you know about goin' out? 608 00:23:41,059 --> 00:23:43,281 Head west, red Lex TV's all up in the headrest 609 00:23:43,361 --> 00:23:45,617 Try and live it up, ride true, a bigger truck 610 00:23:45,697 --> 00:23:48,200 Peeps all glittered up Stick up can, they go what? 611 00:23:48,299 --> 00:23:50,155 Jig wit it 'cuz ship crisp, split it all 612 00:23:50,235 --> 00:23:52,408 Ho's ride, get your nut 'til I can't get it up 613 00:23:52,570 --> 00:23:55,710 Bad, bad, bad, bad boy 614 00:23:55,807 --> 00:23:57,128 You make me feel so good 615 00:23:57,208 --> 00:23:58,209 Aloha, and welcome. 616 00:23:58,376 --> 00:23:59,377 - Hi. - Aloha. 617 00:23:59,477 --> 00:24:00,598 For real? 618 00:24:00,678 --> 00:24:02,214 Let me get you gentlemen checked in, yeah? 619 00:24:03,548 --> 00:24:06,392 Holy shit, this place is nice! 620 00:24:07,552 --> 00:24:09,657 It's gonna be more nice. 621 00:24:09,821 --> 00:24:12,062 Nice girls don't show off their ecstasy. 622 00:24:12,223 --> 00:24:13,532 One of these is a multivitamin. 623 00:24:13,692 --> 00:24:14,694 Is this shit free? 624 00:24:14,861 --> 00:24:17,569 I can smoke weed out of this, I can smoke weed out of this... 625 00:24:17,764 --> 00:24:20,904 Look at that teacher, grabbing her apple a day. 626 00:24:21,334 --> 00:24:24,178 Look at that personality from behind. 627 00:24:24,337 --> 00:24:26,283 It is, dare I say... 628 00:24:26,439 --> 00:24:27,918 - well-rounded. - Mmm-hmm. 629 00:24:28,008 --> 00:24:29,009 Look at Mike. 630 00:24:29,175 --> 00:24:31,348 He looks like a funhouse mirror version of a better looking dude... 631 00:24:32,379 --> 00:24:33,653 but he is just that dude. 632 00:24:34,848 --> 00:24:36,985 Dave, it is so on this weekend. 633 00:24:37,350 --> 00:24:39,428 I am not touching this guy the whole weekend. 634 00:24:39,586 --> 00:24:41,875 He thinks just because he brought me here I'm gonna sleep with him? 635 00:24:41,955 --> 00:24:42,956 Check it out. 636 00:24:43,056 --> 00:24:45,212 If this was Mike's dick, I'd be like... 637 00:24:45,292 --> 00:24:47,101 Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo... 638 00:24:47,193 --> 00:24:48,695 I'd get close, but I'd never touch it. 639 00:24:49,429 --> 00:24:51,705 They have such beautiful flowers here. 640 00:24:51,866 --> 00:24:54,256 She's throwing out serious vibes right now. 641 00:24:54,336 --> 00:24:55,491 I'm like, I'm hungry. 642 00:24:55,571 --> 00:24:56,777 I'm gonna butter them biscuits. 643 00:24:57,039 --> 00:24:58,712 I'm gonna baste them ham hocks. 644 00:24:58,874 --> 00:25:00,285 I'm gonna be like a sex chef. 645 00:25:00,542 --> 00:25:02,385 Mr. Grey will see you now. 646 00:25:02,744 --> 00:25:03,916 I'm gonna touch Dave. 647 00:25:04,079 --> 00:25:05,456 Every time he says something sweet... 648 00:25:05,614 --> 00:25:08,652 I wanna get some rope and chain in bulk from Home Depot... 649 00:25:08,817 --> 00:25:10,728 and just see where it takes us, you know? 650 00:25:10,886 --> 00:25:12,661 That is messed up. 651 00:25:13,221 --> 00:25:15,064 Ladies, your wedding itineraries. 652 00:25:15,223 --> 00:25:16,678 # DoingItForJeanie. 653 00:25:16,758 --> 00:25:18,635 Today, we have the meet and greet by the pool. 654 00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:20,749 And then after that, we have a dolphin excursion. 655 00:25:20,829 --> 00:25:22,317 Friday is the rehearsal dinner. 656 00:25:22,397 --> 00:25:23,485 Mmm-hmm. 657 00:25:23,565 --> 00:25:26,087 That's where Dave and I are gonna be doing our big speech. 658 00:25:26,167 --> 00:25:27,804 Will there be any downtime? 659 00:25:27,970 --> 00:25:29,643 Yeah, 'cause I gotta keep in touch with the office. 660 00:25:29,805 --> 00:25:31,995 I gotta call my stocks about the state of my bonds. 661 00:25:32,075 --> 00:25:33,077 It happens a lot. 662 00:25:33,344 --> 00:25:35,790 Mm-kay, I think we are right up here. 663 00:25:36,513 --> 00:25:39,289 Great. So which one is me and Alice's room? 664 00:25:40,784 --> 00:25:41,906 Uh... 665 00:25:41,986 --> 00:25:45,331 I don't know. Are you and Alice gonna share a room? 666 00:25:45,489 --> 00:25:47,778 Or I was thinking that maybe you and I... 667 00:25:47,858 --> 00:25:49,599 would stay in the same room. 668 00:25:51,495 --> 00:25:54,601 That sounds interesting... 669 00:25:54,765 --> 00:25:56,767 but I don't think it would be a good idea. 670 00:25:58,102 --> 00:25:59,103 Why not? 671 00:26:01,672 --> 00:26:04,175 Because I don't trust myself around you. 672 00:26:04,842 --> 00:26:06,116 You can trust me. 673 00:26:06,276 --> 00:26:08,517 I do trust you. 674 00:26:09,313 --> 00:26:10,622 Let's trust each other. 675 00:26:10,782 --> 00:26:13,855 There's so much trust. 676 00:26:14,086 --> 00:26:16,396 Sorry. I didn't mean to do that. 677 00:26:16,489 --> 00:26:18,644 I respect you so much, I can't wait to get you alone. 678 00:26:18,724 --> 00:26:20,980 Yeah, we're gonna cover all the room charges and stuff... 679 00:26:21,060 --> 00:26:22,548 for up to $50 per day. 680 00:26:22,628 --> 00:26:23,732 Oh, my God. You don't have to do that. 681 00:26:23,896 --> 00:26:26,001 I'm a very strict teacher. 682 00:26:26,198 --> 00:26:29,975 You be Michelle Pfeiffer from Dangerous Minds, and I'll be... 683 00:26:30,136 --> 00:26:31,410 I'll be Coolio. 684 00:26:31,570 --> 00:26:33,516 - Coolio's not in that movie. - Oh. 685 00:26:34,907 --> 00:26:37,717 He is in song and spirit. 686 00:26:37,943 --> 00:26:40,617 I'm gonna call a parent-teacher conference... 687 00:26:40,713 --> 00:26:43,489 and tell them what a bad boy you are. 688 00:26:43,649 --> 00:26:44,923 Please don't tell my mommy. 689 00:26:45,184 --> 00:26:46,505 Please don't tell my daddy. 690 00:26:46,585 --> 00:26:48,574 I think Wi-Fi is included, too, so... 691 00:26:48,654 --> 00:26:49,861 - That's always nice. Yeah. - Yeah. 692 00:26:50,123 --> 00:26:54,115 If I were to give you a grade, I'd give you a D. 693 00:26:54,195 --> 00:26:55,401 A big, hard D. 694 00:26:55,630 --> 00:26:56,938 Why? I deserve an A. 695 00:26:57,031 --> 00:26:58,533 - What are you talking about? - Oh. 696 00:26:58,700 --> 00:26:59,735 Nothing. 697 00:26:59,901 --> 00:27:01,244 In conclusion... 698 00:27:01,402 --> 00:27:03,780 I'm gonna stay in the room... 699 00:27:03,938 --> 00:27:05,008 with Alice. 700 00:27:06,107 --> 00:27:08,109 That one, with Alice. 701 00:27:08,276 --> 00:27:09,619 Cool, cool. No doubt. 702 00:27:12,113 --> 00:27:15,185 Somebody overcooked the soft pretzel. 703 00:27:16,417 --> 00:27:18,640 My dick is hard. That's what I'm saying. Give me five minutes. 704 00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:21,257 Oh, my God. Ew! 705 00:27:21,789 --> 00:27:23,462 Lift it, drop it, shake it 706 00:27:23,558 --> 00:27:26,198 It's going down for real 707 00:27:30,300 --> 00:27:32,610 It's going down for real 708 00:27:34,137 --> 00:27:35,548 Grandma, I'd like you to meet Alice. 709 00:27:35,705 --> 00:27:38,395 She's super smart, great conversationalist, and she works on Wall Street. 710 00:27:38,475 --> 00:27:41,387 - But I'm one of the good ones. - I think she is. 711 00:27:44,114 --> 00:27:45,320 I am a teacher, yeah. 712 00:27:45,548 --> 00:27:48,256 And you know what? The key to teaching children is repetition. 713 00:27:48,418 --> 00:27:50,329 You'd be surprised how stupid they are. 714 00:28:00,163 --> 00:28:01,164 Jeanie! 715 00:28:03,733 --> 00:28:05,508 - Hey, you! - Hi! Hi! 716 00:28:06,002 --> 00:28:08,506 I'm so proud to introduce our wedding dates... 717 00:28:08,672 --> 00:28:10,311 - Tatiana. - And Alice. 718 00:28:11,643 --> 00:28:12,849 Hi! 719 00:28:13,812 --> 00:28:15,917 - Oh, the bride. The gorgeous bride. - Ow! Hi. 720 00:28:16,114 --> 00:28:19,789 This weekend is all about you being happy and not shattered. 721 00:28:19,918 --> 00:28:22,074 - Oh. Thank you. - Yeah. 722 00:28:22,154 --> 00:28:24,327 Check out your arms. You got some Michelle Obama arms. 723 00:28:25,123 --> 00:28:27,032 How'd you get those guns on the plane, girl? 724 00:28:28,193 --> 00:28:31,368 Eric... you are two points hotter just being next to this woman. 725 00:28:31,930 --> 00:28:33,085 Try 10 points hotter. 726 00:28:33,165 --> 00:28:35,253 - Try a million. - That's too many points. 727 00:28:35,333 --> 00:28:37,456 - Wow, and Jeanie, nice snag. - Thank you. 728 00:28:37,536 --> 00:28:39,038 You guys look great together, really. 729 00:28:39,237 --> 00:28:42,614 I'm liking this. Huh? Maybe you two will keep these two in check a little bit. 730 00:28:43,274 --> 00:28:46,017 I think we can. I'll just keep him on a leash. 731 00:28:46,178 --> 00:28:47,934 Maybe don't hurt him. 732 00:28:48,014 --> 00:28:49,494 I like these girls. 733 00:28:49,650 --> 00:28:50,720 They're so fun. 734 00:28:50,884 --> 00:28:52,989 Unlike my maid of honor. 735 00:28:53,187 --> 00:28:54,257 She's having a time. 736 00:28:54,388 --> 00:28:55,492 How is ol' Becky Grammerstein? 737 00:28:55,689 --> 00:28:56,690 She's coming. 738 00:28:56,824 --> 00:28:58,132 - Jeanie. - Hey. 739 00:28:58,292 --> 00:28:59,669 I'm in crisis mode. 740 00:28:59,827 --> 00:29:01,465 I ordered Prosecco for the Mani-pedis... 741 00:29:01,628 --> 00:29:02,732 and all they have is champagne! 742 00:29:02,896 --> 00:29:03,897 Aren't they the same thing? 743 00:29:04,131 --> 00:29:06,543 - No. No, they're not. No. - No? 744 00:29:07,167 --> 00:29:08,840 Hello, Michael. 745 00:29:09,002 --> 00:29:10,003 Hi, Dave. 746 00:29:10,470 --> 00:29:13,974 Look, I'm trying to make your dreams come true, okay? 747 00:29:14,174 --> 00:29:15,209 - Right. - What? 748 00:29:15,342 --> 00:29:17,164 If this is bad news, I'm gonna eat your ass. 749 00:29:17,244 --> 00:29:18,298 - Sorry. - Okay. 750 00:29:18,378 --> 00:29:20,324 Purple. It better be purple. 751 00:29:20,747 --> 00:29:22,727 I should probably go see to that. 752 00:29:22,883 --> 00:29:23,884 - You'll come? - Yeah. 753 00:29:24,051 --> 00:29:25,325 Thank you so much for being here. 754 00:29:25,485 --> 00:29:28,434 Guys, good job with these two. 755 00:29:28,591 --> 00:29:30,070 Mahala. 756 00:29:30,259 --> 00:29:31,499 Bye, Jeanie. 757 00:29:31,660 --> 00:29:32,661 Jeanie likes the girls. 758 00:29:32,828 --> 00:29:34,034 Jeanie likes the girls 759 00:29:34,230 --> 00:29:35,732 Talk about Jeanie Jeanie likes the girls 760 00:29:35,865 --> 00:29:37,653 Because it's a" about Jeanie likes the girls 761 00:29:37,733 --> 00:29:39,838 - Oil, yeah, Jeanie likes the girls - Come on! 762 00:29:39,935 --> 00:29:41,390 - It's a" about Jeanie - Likes the girls 763 00:29:41,470 --> 00:29:44,293 - it's all about Jeanie likes the girls! - Mike. Where are the girls? 764 00:29:44,373 --> 00:29:45,579 - Oh, hello! - I'm Alice. 765 00:29:45,808 --> 00:29:46,929 I just I wanna give you a hug. 766 00:29:47,009 --> 00:29:48,454 It's so nice to meet you. 767 00:29:48,611 --> 00:29:49,885 Fucking A. You distracted me, man. 768 00:29:50,079 --> 00:29:52,081 This dress is lucky to be on you. Those pins! 769 00:29:52,214 --> 00:29:53,284 - My Mike? - Yes. 770 00:29:53,449 --> 00:29:54,621 - I can't... Wow. - He did. 771 00:29:54,783 --> 00:29:56,456 That's fantastic. 772 00:29:56,685 --> 00:29:58,323 Mike, Tatiana was just telling me... 773 00:29:58,420 --> 00:29:59,865 that you saved her life. 774 00:30:00,022 --> 00:30:01,296 I most certainly did, Father. 775 00:30:01,523 --> 00:30:04,246 You see how great it is to have nice girls around? 776 00:30:04,326 --> 00:30:05,582 - I mean, these are nice girls. - Aw! 777 00:30:05,662 --> 00:30:06,801 Absolutely. 778 00:30:06,931 --> 00:30:08,052 They are. And we brought them, so... 779 00:30:08,132 --> 00:30:09,406 Excuse me. 780 00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:10,588 Excuse me. 781 00:30:10,668 --> 00:30:11,656 See you in a minute. Honey, come on. 782 00:30:11,736 --> 00:30:13,891 Can I get everybody's attention? Could we gather around? 783 00:30:13,971 --> 00:30:15,348 - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God! 784 00:30:15,473 --> 00:30:17,248 We're killing this shit! We're killing. 785 00:30:17,408 --> 00:30:18,563 Mom and Dad like the girls! 786 00:30:18,643 --> 00:30:19,730 Ow. 787 00:30:19,810 --> 00:30:21,221 Mom and Dad like the girls 788 00:30:21,379 --> 00:30:25,885 Hi, I'm Keith. I'm Eric's best man, his cousin... 789 00:30:26,050 --> 00:30:28,052 and his best friend. 790 00:30:28,286 --> 00:30:30,731 Welcome to the meet and greet! 791 00:30:31,122 --> 00:30:32,430 Yeah! 792 00:30:32,657 --> 00:30:33,761 Put your hands together... 793 00:30:33,925 --> 00:30:37,048 for Eric and his lovely bride, Jeanie. 794 00:30:37,128 --> 00:30:38,801 Give it up! 795 00:30:38,930 --> 00:30:40,102 Jeanie! 796 00:30:40,264 --> 00:30:43,734 Hey, everybody. A big thank you to my new family, the Stangles. 797 00:30:43,935 --> 00:30:44,990 We love you, Eric! 798 00:30:45,070 --> 00:30:46,092 Thank you. 799 00:30:46,172 --> 00:30:48,311 And to my own family, I must say... 800 00:30:49,309 --> 00:30:50,982 Portland, Oregon in the house! 801 00:30:52,445 --> 00:30:55,426 I'm really happy to finally make you all my ohana... 802 00:30:55,581 --> 00:30:56,958 which means "family." 803 00:30:57,116 --> 00:30:59,153 And as the Hawaiians say... 804 00:30:59,319 --> 00:31:00,525 Kale maluna! 805 00:31:00,687 --> 00:31:03,759 Which translates loosely into "bottoms up." 806 00:31:03,923 --> 00:31:06,631 But more closely translated, it actually means... 807 00:31:06,859 --> 00:31:09,249 "your butts to the sky"... 808 00:31:09,329 --> 00:31:10,933 which is inappropriate. 809 00:31:12,265 --> 00:31:13,801 This is gonna be magic. 810 00:31:14,434 --> 00:31:17,677 Thank you all again, so much, for being here. 811 00:31:17,837 --> 00:31:21,512 We are so happy to have you at our wedding. 812 00:31:22,041 --> 00:31:25,820 Wedding. Wedding. Wedding. 813 00:31:26,381 --> 00:31:28,019 - Put the mic on the stand. - The stand. 814 00:31:29,351 --> 00:31:31,473 - Alice. - Where are you going? 815 00:31:31,553 --> 00:31:32,540 Hi! What happened? 816 00:31:32,620 --> 00:31:34,691 You sort of zoned out for a sec. What's up? You okay? 817 00:31:34,856 --> 00:31:37,234 Yeah! We're at a wedding. Wedding. Wedding. 818 00:31:37,625 --> 00:31:39,147 You just said "wedding" three times. 819 00:31:39,227 --> 00:31:40,315 I'm fine. Yeah! 820 00:31:40,395 --> 00:31:42,170 Let's just forget about the past, and move on. 821 00:31:42,464 --> 00:31:44,068 To the bar! 822 00:31:44,165 --> 00:31:45,439 To the bar? 823 00:31:46,401 --> 00:31:47,402 Mmm. Mmm. 824 00:31:49,871 --> 00:31:51,316 Ooh. I don't think these are shots. 825 00:31:51,473 --> 00:31:53,043 I mean, we're drinking 'em like they're shots... 826 00:31:53,141 --> 00:31:55,382 but I don't think they're supposed to be drunk like that. 827 00:31:55,543 --> 00:31:57,489 Your face is funny. 828 00:32:14,331 --> 00:32:17,888 Oh. Hey, Mike. I was just talking to my new friend, Tatiana. 829 00:32:17,968 --> 00:32:21,543 - Tatiana, this is my cousin, Mike. - She knows who I am. She's my date. 830 00:32:21,738 --> 00:32:24,446 Why would someone this attractive ever be with you? 831 00:32:24,741 --> 00:32:27,048 Are you gonna hit on my date all weekend, like bisexual Fonzie? 832 00:32:27,177 --> 00:32:29,088 I don't think it's gonna take all weekend. Am I right? 833 00:32:29,546 --> 00:32:30,786 So, you guys are cousins? 834 00:32:30,947 --> 00:32:32,688 She's been jealous of me since I was a little kid. 835 00:32:32,883 --> 00:32:34,294 What could I possibly be jealous of? 836 00:32:34,418 --> 00:32:36,694 Your outfit looks like Jimmy Buffet's dust ruffle. 837 00:32:36,953 --> 00:32:39,126 Do you guys always do this? 838 00:32:39,356 --> 00:32:41,063 Okay, this is actually a very fashion-forward outfit. 839 00:32:41,224 --> 00:32:43,706 No, you look like the wallpaper from a Long John Silver's bathroom. 840 00:32:43,896 --> 00:32:45,466 Cool. I'm gonna hit the buffet now... 841 00:32:45,631 --> 00:32:49,272 while you guys do whatever it is you're doing. 842 00:32:51,203 --> 00:32:52,358 Okay? 843 00:32:52,438 --> 00:32:53,439 Good idea. 844 00:32:54,773 --> 00:32:55,911 Look at that. 845 00:32:56,075 --> 00:32:58,097 Pink little ass just bouncing away, saying... 846 00:32:58,177 --> 00:33:01,700 Terry, come get me, Terry, come get me 847 00:33:01,780 --> 00:33:02,868 No, it's saying... 848 00:33:02,948 --> 00:33:06,953 Mike, crawl up in this Mike, crawl up in this 849 00:33:07,119 --> 00:33:08,894 Whoa. What's up, double trouble? 850 00:33:09,088 --> 00:33:10,309 Terry. Cousin of the bride. 851 00:33:10,389 --> 00:33:11,629 Get at me later, we'll make a Terry sandwich. 852 00:33:11,790 --> 00:33:13,269 Don't touch her. She has chlamydia. 853 00:33:13,425 --> 00:33:14,563 - Everybody does. - No. 854 00:33:14,993 --> 00:33:15,994 Not everyone does. 855 00:33:16,662 --> 00:33:19,084 Saw you and Dave are doing your speech together at the rehearsal dinner. 856 00:33:19,164 --> 00:33:20,152 Mmm-hmm. 857 00:33:20,232 --> 00:33:22,771 I'm going to bring the house down with my speech. 858 00:33:23,037 --> 00:33:24,778 And why do you think you're such a hotshot? 859 00:33:24,905 --> 00:33:26,077 You know Chris Rock? 860 00:33:26,841 --> 00:33:28,843 He's my neighbor. Practiced my speech on him. 861 00:33:29,310 --> 00:33:31,449 And he gave me seven killer jokes. 862 00:33:32,780 --> 00:33:35,124 Suck on that, cousin. 863 00:33:35,749 --> 00:33:36,771 Terry out. 864 00:33:36,851 --> 00:33:39,661 Chris Rock? Fuck! That sounds awesome. 865 00:33:51,665 --> 00:33:54,669 Oh, my God. You were right. These cheeseburgers are amazing. 866 00:33:54,835 --> 00:33:55,973 I know. 867 00:33:56,137 --> 00:33:57,980 Being a good girl is hard. 868 00:33:58,139 --> 00:34:00,051 I know. It sucks. 869 00:34:01,042 --> 00:34:04,024 You were hitting that booze too hard for a nice girl. 870 00:34:04,213 --> 00:34:05,590 You need to get Luke out of your head. 871 00:34:05,715 --> 00:34:07,490 - Yeah. - You do. 872 00:34:07,650 --> 00:34:10,062 And what better way to do that... 873 00:34:10,319 --> 00:34:12,993 than good old-fashioned dick flicks. 874 00:34:13,156 --> 00:34:15,295 - Yes. - Oh, God. 875 00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:20,734 Tatiana. Mike Stangle. 876 00:34:20,897 --> 00:34:22,899 From the meet and greet. Well, from before that. 877 00:34:23,065 --> 00:34:24,544 One second. 878 00:34:24,634 --> 00:34:25,635 Fuck. 879 00:34:26,869 --> 00:34:29,042 Hey. It's you. 880 00:34:29,205 --> 00:34:30,309 It is me. 881 00:34:30,473 --> 00:34:35,821 I was hoping maybe I could come in and we could watch a movie or... 882 00:34:37,046 --> 00:34:40,286 - Do whatever you wanna do. - Why are you whispering? 883 00:34:40,417 --> 00:34:42,557 'Cause that's what we were doing before. 884 00:34:42,720 --> 00:34:43,755 They've got Cockbusters. 885 00:34:43,988 --> 00:34:45,899 Is that supposed to be like Ghostbusters? 886 00:34:45,990 --> 00:34:47,936 Why would you wanna get rid of the cocks? 887 00:34:48,159 --> 00:34:49,900 - What's that? - She's talking in her sleep. 888 00:34:50,061 --> 00:34:52,905 She says the craziest stuff in her sleep. 889 00:34:52,997 --> 00:34:55,153 It looks like his dick is gonna pop. It's so veiny and hard. 890 00:34:55,233 --> 00:34:56,234 - Tatiana! - Something's hard? 891 00:34:56,401 --> 00:34:59,238 Julio. My student. I'm doing a Skype class session with him... 892 00:34:59,404 --> 00:35:01,509 and he's having a really hard time in the schoolyard. 893 00:35:01,639 --> 00:35:03,128 If you don't get in here, I'm gonna start masturbating! 894 00:35:03,208 --> 00:35:04,710 Oh, phooey. I've gotta go. 895 00:35:04,876 --> 00:35:06,431 That sounds like you guys are, watching porno, or... 896 00:35:06,511 --> 00:35:07,499 - No. - Tatiana! 897 00:35:07,579 --> 00:35:08,580 Does it smell like weed in here? 898 00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:10,557 - You guys smoking weed? - No. It was a skunk. 899 00:35:10,715 --> 00:35:13,218 I've gotta go, because a bunch of kids are waiting to hear... 900 00:35:13,384 --> 00:35:15,091 if they've failed second grade or not. 901 00:35:15,253 --> 00:35:18,291 Well, I am doing some grading myself, and girl... 902 00:35:18,457 --> 00:35:20,914 you are getting an A plus. 903 00:35:20,994 --> 00:35:21,995 Thank you so much. 904 00:35:22,629 --> 00:35:23,630 Mmm. 905 00:35:55,495 --> 00:35:57,652 - And then win! - Skills. Def skills. 906 00:35:57,732 --> 00:35:59,235 Cheers to Tatiana and Alice. 907 00:35:59,401 --> 00:36:01,139 We're so glad you're here. 908 00:36:01,903 --> 00:36:02,973 Yes. Cheers. 909 00:36:03,138 --> 00:36:05,243 You guys, Alice and I found this really cool thing. 910 00:36:05,407 --> 00:36:07,114 Jurassic Park ATV Tours! 911 00:36:08,176 --> 00:36:10,349 You ride ATVs where they shot Jurassic Park. 912 00:36:10,579 --> 00:36:14,755 Actually, we are about to go swimming with the dolphins. 913 00:36:15,284 --> 00:36:17,093 It's on the itinerary, so... 914 00:36:17,319 --> 00:36:19,196 But, guys, Jurassic P! 915 00:36:19,288 --> 00:36:20,699 I love this movie! 916 00:36:20,856 --> 00:36:23,359 Oh, my gosh, on ATVs, this would be so sick. 917 00:36:23,525 --> 00:36:24,765 "Welcome... 918 00:36:24,926 --> 00:36:27,668 "...to Jurassic Park." 919 00:36:27,763 --> 00:36:28,867 "That is a big pile of shit." 920 00:36:29,031 --> 00:36:31,539 "Oh, you're not so scary, little guy." 921 00:36:37,473 --> 00:36:38,782 What is going on here? 922 00:36:40,277 --> 00:36:41,465 Oh! Oh! 923 00:36:41,545 --> 00:36:44,685 I wish we could do that... 924 00:36:44,848 --> 00:36:46,691 but we have a date with the dolphins... 925 00:36:46,850 --> 00:36:48,193 at the bottom of the ocean, so... 926 00:36:48,352 --> 00:36:50,798 Don't you think we should do what Jeanie wants to do? 927 00:36:50,954 --> 00:36:52,490 I mean, it is her wedding after all. 928 00:36:52,656 --> 00:36:53,862 Right, Mike? 929 00:37:23,155 --> 00:37:25,101 I'm so happy we're here! 930 00:37:25,257 --> 00:37:27,703 This is where the dinos ran in the prairie! 931 00:37:27,860 --> 00:37:28,861 I know, girl! 932 00:37:29,028 --> 00:37:31,201 Check it out! I'm a brontosaurus! 933 00:37:31,364 --> 00:37:34,401 I'm a T-Rex. I'm coming to get you! 934 00:37:35,034 --> 00:37:37,412 Guys, butts on seats, okay? No hot dogging! 935 00:37:43,109 --> 00:37:44,588 "They're flocking this way!" 936 00:37:45,978 --> 00:37:47,480 Here's a T-Rex! 937 00:37:47,780 --> 00:37:49,555 "Life finds a way." 938 00:37:58,860 --> 00:38:00,862 Jeanie! Eric! 939 00:38:00,962 --> 00:38:02,441 Hey! 940 00:38:02,563 --> 00:38:05,476 Hi! Sorry, I lost Eric. 941 00:38:05,633 --> 00:38:08,739 I wasn't lost. Just driving at a reasonable pace. 942 00:38:09,003 --> 00:38:10,243 Stay there. We'll come to you. 943 00:38:10,738 --> 00:38:13,719 All right, we better go around. This ledge looks super dangerous. 944 00:38:13,875 --> 00:38:16,082 Oh, yeah, Mike's right. It does look dangerous. 945 00:38:16,644 --> 00:38:19,250 It's a good thing my middle name is "dangerous!" 946 00:38:19,414 --> 00:38:20,401 Yeah, it is! 947 00:38:20,481 --> 00:38:22,392 - Whoo! - Whoa! 948 00:38:26,788 --> 00:38:28,267 - Oh, God! - What? 949 00:38:30,892 --> 00:38:32,530 Oh, my God, she's Superman! 950 00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:38,572 Oh, my God! 951 00:38:38,668 --> 00:38:39,942 A-Money! 952 00:38:45,475 --> 00:38:46,920 I still think we should go around. 953 00:38:47,043 --> 00:38:49,319 She just got some serious air, bro! 954 00:38:49,412 --> 00:38:52,188 You call that serious air? Check this fucking shit out. 955 00:38:52,282 --> 00:38:53,420 Whoa! 956 00:38:53,516 --> 00:38:55,372 Suck my clit, fuckers! 957 00:38:55,452 --> 00:38:56,453 Whoa! 958 00:38:59,255 --> 00:39:00,243 Whoa! 959 00:39:00,323 --> 00:39:01,358 Oh, not again. 960 00:39:02,358 --> 00:39:03,346 Yeah, baby! 961 00:39:03,426 --> 00:39:05,599 Easy does it. Nothing fancy. 962 00:39:11,468 --> 00:39:13,608 - Oh, my God. Look at what she's doing! - I see it! 963 00:39:13,804 --> 00:39:15,907 Sweet candied nuts. 964 00:39:20,946 --> 00:39:22,482 Who are these girls? 965 00:39:24,549 --> 00:39:25,550 Whoa! 966 00:39:25,717 --> 00:39:27,390 Um... 967 00:39:27,486 --> 00:39:30,057 Where did you guys learn to do that? 968 00:39:30,222 --> 00:39:31,977 - We lived in Baja. - Oh. 969 00:39:32,057 --> 00:39:33,730 Tore up a lot of trail down there. 970 00:39:33,992 --> 00:39:35,232 Made a lot of friends. 971 00:39:35,894 --> 00:39:37,396 Made even more enemies. 972 00:39:37,562 --> 00:39:38,734 God, I miss Baja. 973 00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:43,741 Your turn, Mike! Don't be a pussy! 974 00:39:44,469 --> 00:39:47,678 I'm not gonna do it. Name calling doesn't work on me, so... 975 00:39:47,839 --> 00:39:50,581 Mike, it'll turn me on if you take that jump. 976 00:39:50,742 --> 00:39:52,518 Turn me on if you don't. 977 00:39:52,678 --> 00:39:54,681 Still not going to, still. 978 00:39:54,848 --> 00:39:55,849 I'm not gonna do it. 979 00:39:56,016 --> 00:39:57,154 Like we would ever do that. 980 00:39:57,351 --> 00:39:59,072 No way. 981 00:39:59,152 --> 00:40:01,594 Come on! Do it. He's not gonna do it. Do it! 982 00:40:01,755 --> 00:40:03,234 Do not do it. 983 00:40:03,390 --> 00:40:05,028 No, definitely don't do that. 984 00:40:05,259 --> 00:40:07,136 It's a bad idea. It's a stupid, dumb idea. 985 00:40:07,227 --> 00:40:09,366 - And it's dangerous, and it's foolish. - Yes, it is. 986 00:40:09,897 --> 00:40:11,103 I'm gonna do it! 987 00:40:12,766 --> 00:40:14,501 Mike! 988 00:40:15,836 --> 00:40:16,940 - Oh, shit! - Oh. 989 00:40:17,437 --> 00:40:18,609 Oh! 990 00:40:18,739 --> 00:40:20,711 I'm never gonna die! 991 00:40:23,076 --> 00:40:24,798 - Oh, shit. - He going fast. 992 00:40:24,878 --> 00:40:26,516 Oh, no. Keep it straight! 993 00:40:30,484 --> 00:40:31,519 Oh, he's shanking it. 994 00:40:34,723 --> 00:40:36,100 Whoo! Got it, got it! 995 00:40:41,297 --> 00:40:42,605 Oh, no, God! 996 00:40:42,731 --> 00:40:43,766 Jeanie, move! 997 00:40:46,769 --> 00:40:48,112 No! 998 00:40:48,270 --> 00:40:49,305 No! 999 00:40:49,572 --> 00:40:51,074 No! 1000 00:40:51,206 --> 00:40:52,480 No! 1001 00:41:13,931 --> 00:41:16,241 It's gonna be fine. 1002 00:41:16,701 --> 00:41:18,756 Your face is making me think it's gonna be bad. 1003 00:41:18,836 --> 00:41:20,725 I'm sure it's not as bad as you think. 1004 00:41:20,805 --> 00:41:21,826 - You know? - No. Yeah. 1005 00:41:21,906 --> 00:41:23,044 Just show us what we're working with, 1006 00:41:23,174 --> 00:41:24,195 and it'll be fine. 1007 00:41:24,275 --> 00:41:25,276 - Okay. - Okay? 1008 00:41:25,843 --> 00:41:26,931 Is it okay? 1009 00:41:27,011 --> 00:41:28,547 - Oh, my God! - Oh! God! Oh! 1010 00:41:28,879 --> 00:41:31,325 Wow! Don't you look good? 1011 00:41:33,150 --> 00:41:34,993 - Your face! - Shut up, Mike! 1012 00:41:35,119 --> 00:41:36,928 You shut up, Becky! Have you seen her face? 1013 00:41:37,088 --> 00:41:38,931 Oh, God! What? 1014 00:41:39,090 --> 00:41:41,366 It looks like you were making meth, and the bathtub exploded. 1015 00:41:42,593 --> 00:41:43,936 You look like Burn Victim Barbie. 1016 00:41:44,328 --> 00:41:45,636 Hush it up! 1017 00:41:45,796 --> 00:41:46,951 And you're Black Ken. 1018 00:41:47,031 --> 00:41:48,977 - Stop! - Okay. 1019 00:41:49,133 --> 00:41:51,189 It's like an exaggerated smoky eye. 1020 00:41:51,270 --> 00:41:53,272 Dave, be honest. Is it bad? 1021 00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:56,213 This side, there's a little... 1022 00:41:56,309 --> 00:41:58,431 - There's a little discoloration there. - Little discoloration. 1023 00:41:58,511 --> 00:41:59,649 Which side is it? 1024 00:41:59,879 --> 00:42:01,034 You could do a dance the whole night 1025 00:42:01,114 --> 00:42:02,650 where you just hold a hand over your face. 1026 00:42:02,782 --> 00:42:03,783 - Oh, that's smart. - Okay. 1027 00:42:03,950 --> 00:42:04,951 It's like a new thing. 1028 00:42:05,118 --> 00:42:08,824 - Do the Jeanie, do the Jeanie - Like this? 1029 00:42:09,055 --> 00:42:10,864 - Come on, everybody! Do the Jeanie. - Do it. 1030 00:42:11,057 --> 00:42:12,434 - I'm doing the Jeanie. - Do the Jeanie, y'all. 1031 00:42:12,525 --> 00:42:13,560 It's a one-two step. 1032 00:42:13,693 --> 00:42:15,502 All right, that's enough. 1033 00:42:15,762 --> 00:42:17,366 Enough dancing! You and you... 1034 00:42:17,497 --> 00:42:18,874 outside, now! 1035 00:42:19,032 --> 00:42:20,938 Honey, calm down. 1036 00:42:22,035 --> 00:42:23,537 - Honey, calm down. - Sorry. 1037 00:42:23,703 --> 00:42:26,047 Do you understand they've deformed our little girl... 1038 00:42:26,205 --> 00:42:28,344 the day before her goddamn wedding? 1039 00:42:28,608 --> 00:42:30,732 She looks like Seal, for Christ's sake! 1040 00:42:30,812 --> 00:42:32,634 Oh! Why, Dad? 1041 00:42:32,714 --> 00:42:33,715 Ow! 1042 00:42:34,816 --> 00:42:36,159 Do you think he's gonna spank us? 1043 00:42:36,317 --> 00:42:37,318 What? 1044 00:42:38,086 --> 00:42:39,087 Never mind. 1045 00:42:39,187 --> 00:42:41,142 I haven't seen him this pissed in a long time. 1046 00:42:41,222 --> 00:42:42,257 OOP- 1047 00:42:42,357 --> 00:42:44,166 Yeah. It's the other door. 1048 00:42:45,093 --> 00:42:46,181 They meet in the middle. 1049 00:42:46,261 --> 00:42:47,865 - They meet in the middle. - God damn it! 1050 00:42:50,065 --> 00:42:52,443 Dad, listen. I know what you're gonna say. 1051 00:42:52,567 --> 00:42:54,823 - You're right. - We're gonna sue the ATV companies. 1052 00:42:54,903 --> 00:42:56,109 - Right? - I see. 1053 00:42:56,237 --> 00:42:57,238 Not what I was gonna say. 1054 00:42:57,372 --> 00:42:58,612 Let's Erin Brockovich this bitch. 1055 00:42:58,773 --> 00:43:00,343 Mike, stop! 1056 00:43:00,508 --> 00:43:02,731 You've got to own this. This is your fault. 1057 00:43:02,811 --> 00:43:03,812 It's not. 1058 00:43:04,345 --> 00:43:06,382 If anything, it's the girls' fault. 1059 00:43:06,648 --> 00:43:07,956 They're crazy. 1060 00:43:08,116 --> 00:43:10,507 The girls aren't the problem! 1061 00:43:10,587 --> 00:43:11,964 You are. 1062 00:43:12,122 --> 00:43:14,261 What the hell did you think was gonna happen, huh? 1063 00:43:14,424 --> 00:43:16,131 What did you think was gonna happen? 1064 00:43:16,293 --> 00:43:17,294 We had a plan. 1065 00:43:17,461 --> 00:43:19,873 The plan was to swim with dolphins... 1066 00:43:20,030 --> 00:43:21,737 and eat bananas afterwards. 1067 00:43:21,898 --> 00:43:23,639 See, Dad, I'm not gonna point any fingers here... 1068 00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:24,801 but indirectly... 1069 00:43:24,968 --> 00:43:27,642 we wouldn't have been on ATVs if the girls hadn't forced us to. 1070 00:43:27,804 --> 00:43:30,250 And who made us bring dates in the first place? 1071 00:43:31,408 --> 00:43:32,462 - Not pointing fingers. - Yeah. 1072 00:43:32,542 --> 00:43:34,783 All right. I'm gonna take back what I said to you earlier. 1073 00:43:34,945 --> 00:43:37,084 I am going to lump you in together. 1074 00:43:37,247 --> 00:43:40,057 All right, you are lumped! 1075 00:43:40,717 --> 00:43:42,628 The hell is wrong with you, huh? 1076 00:43:43,754 --> 00:43:45,131 What the hell is wrong with you? 1077 00:43:46,723 --> 00:43:48,101 Dad. 1078 00:43:50,729 --> 00:43:52,140 Fuck. 1079 00:43:54,700 --> 00:43:56,737 Everyone get the fuck away from me. 1080 00:43:56,902 --> 00:43:59,314 Move! Adult Swim! 1081 00:43:59,471 --> 00:44:02,748 It's all fucked now. It's all fucked, you know? Poor Jeanie. 1082 00:44:03,041 --> 00:44:04,897 Jeanie's special weekend, and I ruin it. 1083 00:44:04,977 --> 00:44:08,550 Hey, hey, hey, Alice? That was not your fault, okay? 1084 00:44:08,814 --> 00:44:11,637 That's two weddings that I've ruined. It's just like, "Stupid Alice!" 1085 00:44:11,717 --> 00:44:14,095 Look, it's too bad that Jeanie's face got shredded... 1086 00:44:14,386 --> 00:44:15,974 but this is supposed to be our vacay. 1087 00:44:16,054 --> 00:44:17,843 Remember? We're supposed to be having fun... 1088 00:44:17,923 --> 00:44:19,044 and going on adventures. 1089 00:44:19,124 --> 00:44:20,228 Get in here with me. 1090 00:44:20,392 --> 00:44:21,735 I'm gonna find her. I'm gonna make it up to her. 1091 00:44:21,894 --> 00:44:24,397 No, no! You're not listening to me. Don't leave me! 1092 00:44:33,974 --> 00:44:36,097 Thanks again for letting me join your spa day, ladies. 1093 00:44:36,177 --> 00:44:39,920 It's not like you asked or anything, but you're here. Yay. 1094 00:44:40,347 --> 00:44:42,452 What did you guys do for your bachelorette party? 1095 00:44:42,750 --> 00:44:44,605 Did it get crazy? Did you guys do that thing... 1096 00:44:44,685 --> 00:44:47,495 where you go to Vegas and you dress up as a prostitute... 1097 00:44:47,822 --> 00:44:49,510 and you go out and there's a contest... 1098 00:44:49,590 --> 00:44:51,797 to see who can get the most money from a john... 1099 00:44:52,059 --> 00:44:53,881 but then you tell him, "I'm an undercover cop"... 1100 00:44:53,961 --> 00:44:56,999 and they, like, beg that you don't tell their children and their wives... 1101 00:44:57,164 --> 00:44:59,804 and they piss themselves, and you've got the whole thing on video. 1102 00:44:59,967 --> 00:45:03,039 And then you put it on YouTube and then there's the Auto-Tune remix. 1103 00:45:03,204 --> 00:45:04,205 Did you do that thing? 1104 00:45:04,872 --> 00:45:05,943 - No. - No. 1105 00:45:06,274 --> 00:45:10,781 I didn't actually end up having one, so... 1106 00:45:10,947 --> 00:45:12,585 Why? Every bride needs a bachelorette party. 1107 00:45:12,782 --> 00:45:14,937 I'm sorry Cabo didn't work out, Jeanie. 1108 00:45:15,017 --> 00:45:16,506 I know. It's fine. 1109 00:45:16,586 --> 00:45:17,640 You know I couldn't get the time off work. 1110 00:45:17,720 --> 00:45:20,109 And it would have ruined it for you, down there without me. 1111 00:45:20,189 --> 00:45:21,344 Is there some tension about this? 1112 00:45:21,424 --> 00:45:24,046 So I just thought, "Let's cancel the whole trip," if that makes sense. 1113 00:45:24,126 --> 00:45:26,082 Jeanie, can you keep it down? On the phone with Tokyo. 1114 00:45:26,162 --> 00:45:27,250 Did I bring up something uncomfortable? 1115 00:45:27,330 --> 00:45:29,674 Also, I caught the shingles because it was so stressful. 1116 00:45:31,634 --> 00:45:32,688 'Cause it feels like I did. 1117 00:45:32,768 --> 00:45:35,304 Plus they have Mexican bed bugs. 1118 00:45:36,806 --> 00:45:39,150 I need you guys to stop it! 1119 00:45:40,209 --> 00:45:42,519 Oh, that fucking gaping mouth of yours, shut it! 1120 00:45:43,079 --> 00:45:44,080 Shut it! 1121 00:45:44,513 --> 00:45:48,258 I just want to relax! Is that too much to ask? 1122 00:45:48,653 --> 00:45:51,259 Please! I just wanna relax. 1123 00:45:53,925 --> 00:45:55,199 How are you feeling, Jeanie? 1124 00:45:55,360 --> 00:45:56,839 A little stressed out. 1125 00:45:56,995 --> 00:45:59,839 - I'll give you a minute to disrobe. - Yeah, okay. 1126 00:45:59,998 --> 00:46:02,069 Face down on the table. 1127 00:46:02,467 --> 00:46:05,924 Hi, um, that is my best friend in there... 1128 00:46:06,004 --> 00:46:08,177 and she's getting married tomorrow, and she's a little uptight. 1129 00:46:08,473 --> 00:46:13,616 And I was wondering if you could, um, help her let loose a little bit? 1130 00:46:13,778 --> 00:46:14,799 You know? 1131 00:46:14,879 --> 00:46:19,885 Give her the "Hawaii Five Oh" experience? 1132 00:46:20,251 --> 00:46:22,874 The wink-wink, nudge-nudge massage, you know? 1133 00:46:22,954 --> 00:46:26,460 I can't really wink, but a wink-wink, nudge-nudge? 1134 00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:28,481 - Are you okay? - Yeah. 1135 00:46:28,561 --> 00:46:30,234 Looks like you had a bit of a fit. 1136 00:46:30,430 --> 00:46:33,001 No, no. That's wink... That's wink-wink... 1137 00:46:34,267 --> 00:46:36,474 I feel like I've gotten what you're trying to say. 1138 00:46:36,703 --> 00:46:38,925 - Great. - But I figured it out. 1139 00:46:39,005 --> 00:46:41,595 - You didn't really communicate it to me. - Okay, that's fair. 1140 00:46:41,675 --> 00:46:45,521 Yes, you want the special "I am blissful" massage? 1141 00:46:45,645 --> 00:46:47,750 - Yeah. - Yeah. 1142 00:46:48,248 --> 00:46:49,283 Um... 1143 00:46:49,382 --> 00:46:51,293 - How blissful is that? - Oh, don't worry. 1144 00:46:51,451 --> 00:46:52,987 Physically, no penetration. 1145 00:46:53,086 --> 00:46:54,074 Classy. 1146 00:46:54,154 --> 00:46:57,158 Spiritually, I'll be doing an intimate tour of her chi. 1147 00:46:57,457 --> 00:46:59,494 Oh, you're gonna be good in there. I can tell. 1148 00:47:00,660 --> 00:47:01,764 How's the temperature in here, Jeanie? 1149 00:47:02,562 --> 00:47:04,441 Oh, it's good. Good. Comfy. 1150 00:47:04,599 --> 00:47:07,944 Good. Take down the light a little bit. 1151 00:47:08,103 --> 00:47:09,810 So you're getting married, huh? 1152 00:47:10,072 --> 00:47:11,608 I am. Yeah. 1153 00:47:11,807 --> 00:47:14,663 I know it can be a stressful time. 1154 00:47:14,743 --> 00:47:18,657 You know it's like, "Who is this for, me or my family?" 1155 00:47:18,814 --> 00:47:21,260 Yeah. I've recently had an injury to my face... 1156 00:47:21,416 --> 00:47:23,418 which I'm a little stressed out about. 1157 00:47:24,119 --> 00:47:25,120 Are you okay with oil? 1158 00:47:25,287 --> 00:47:26,595 Yeah, sure. 1159 00:47:29,591 --> 00:47:30,846 You know, in my country... 1160 00:47:30,926 --> 00:47:34,203 they call oil "God's beautiful lubricant." 1161 00:47:35,197 --> 00:47:37,370 It sounds better in my language. 1162 00:47:40,936 --> 00:47:42,525 Oh, that's lovely. 1163 00:47:42,605 --> 00:47:43,627 'kay. 1164 00:47:43,707 --> 00:47:45,095 Some ground rules. 1165 00:47:45,175 --> 00:47:47,765 One, no emotions. 1166 00:47:47,845 --> 00:47:49,950 - Okay. - Two, breathe. 1167 00:47:51,515 --> 00:47:55,655 Three, there is no penetration, only vibration. 1168 00:47:56,954 --> 00:47:59,332 What is happening? 1169 00:47:59,690 --> 00:48:01,931 I call this "The Bent Penguin." 1170 00:48:02,092 --> 00:48:04,572 This one is just "The Ham and Eggs." 1171 00:48:04,728 --> 00:48:07,641 This one is called "When Moons Collide." 1172 00:48:07,798 --> 00:48:10,301 "Angry Hummingbird." "Angry Hummingbird." 1173 00:48:10,467 --> 00:48:12,845 This one is called "House by the Airport." 1174 00:48:13,003 --> 00:48:15,244 Just checking in. Everything good? 1175 00:48:15,406 --> 00:48:18,080 Hope you're enjoying this. For me, it's just another Friday. 1176 00:48:25,884 --> 00:48:27,727 "Happy Doll." 1177 00:48:28,087 --> 00:48:32,194 This one is just called "Taking a Break." I am pooped. 1178 00:48:32,358 --> 00:48:35,100 A little break. That's nice. 1179 00:48:36,996 --> 00:48:38,134 Here we go again. 1180 00:48:40,032 --> 00:48:41,568 Are you even touching me? 1181 00:48:41,767 --> 00:48:44,247 No, but my aura is. 1182 00:48:44,537 --> 00:48:47,059 Yes, it is! 1183 00:48:47,139 --> 00:48:49,551 Sweet baby Jesus! 1184 00:49:08,663 --> 00:49:09,801 How's it going? 1185 00:49:10,331 --> 00:49:12,811 Shit, I thought I was alone in here. 1186 00:49:12,967 --> 00:49:15,914 Oh, yeah. You're not. I mean, we're alone. 1187 00:49:16,504 --> 00:49:18,848 How's Mike? Still really jealous of me? 1188 00:49:19,474 --> 00:49:23,251 It's like, yeah, okay, do I own a Tesla? Yes. 1189 00:49:23,411 --> 00:49:26,051 Do I make a shit-ton of money, like, way more than Mike? 1190 00:49:26,214 --> 00:49:27,522 Yes. But it's like, who cares? 1191 00:49:27,682 --> 00:49:29,753 Do I get backstage tickets to Rihanna? 1192 00:49:30,017 --> 00:49:32,573 Do I have a glass blowing studio in my basement? 1193 00:49:32,653 --> 00:49:34,655 Hold up, backstage tickets to Rihanna? 1194 00:49:34,822 --> 00:49:36,733 Yeah, she likes to have me around. You know. 1195 00:49:36,891 --> 00:49:39,815 - RiRi is Alice's jam. - Oh, RiRi, is it? 1196 00:49:39,895 --> 00:49:40,930 - Yes. - That's funny. 1197 00:49:41,097 --> 00:49:43,577 She would freak out if I got her backstage tickets to Rihanna. 1198 00:49:43,733 --> 00:49:46,873 Well, you could get her tickets. From me. I'm right here. 1199 00:49:47,036 --> 00:49:48,413 Are you serious? 1200 00:49:48,571 --> 00:49:51,882 Oh, God, steam rooms just open up your pores, you know? 1201 00:49:52,542 --> 00:49:54,579 They open up everything. 1202 00:49:57,714 --> 00:50:01,938 Backstage at RiRi is very fun. Sometimes she plays the DJ. 1203 00:50:02,018 --> 00:50:05,692 You know, just scratching records. You know like... 1204 00:50:09,125 --> 00:50:10,798 Shit, man. That's... 1205 00:50:11,227 --> 00:50:14,284 Are you saying you want me to get in there for the tickets? 1206 00:50:14,364 --> 00:50:17,106 No. No, no, no. No. 1207 00:50:17,934 --> 00:50:19,608 Yes. 1208 00:50:23,275 --> 00:50:24,618 Tatiana? 1209 00:50:25,544 --> 00:50:26,784 Tatiana? Whoa. 1210 00:50:27,612 --> 00:50:30,650 Sorry about that. Looking for my wedding date. 1211 00:50:31,216 --> 00:50:32,217 Tatiana? 1212 00:50:32,317 --> 00:50:33,455 Yeah, yeah, yeah... 1213 00:50:37,622 --> 00:50:38,657 Please leave, sir. 1214 00:50:38,823 --> 00:50:40,063 What are you doing to my sister? 1215 00:50:40,225 --> 00:50:42,762 - Mike, I'm coming. - No! 1216 00:50:53,271 --> 00:50:54,477 Get out! 1217 00:50:58,511 --> 00:51:01,925 Oh, sure. Oh, sure. Oh, sure. 1218 00:51:02,082 --> 00:51:03,925 So, are we, like, close, or... 1219 00:51:04,585 --> 00:51:07,556 Let's put the washing machine on spin cycle. There we go. 1220 00:51:07,855 --> 00:51:09,763 What the... Tatiana! 1221 00:51:09,923 --> 00:51:11,129 Terry! 1222 00:51:11,291 --> 00:51:12,634 Terry! 1223 00:51:12,793 --> 00:51:15,034 - Tatiana! - Shut the fuck up, Mike. 1224 00:51:17,598 --> 00:51:18,585 Whoa! 1225 00:51:18,665 --> 00:51:20,471 I'm gonna kick your ass. 1226 00:51:22,970 --> 00:51:24,381 He is losing this fight! 1227 00:51:26,707 --> 00:51:28,562 Oh, God! I can see your nipple! 1228 00:51:28,642 --> 00:51:29,643 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 1229 00:51:32,713 --> 00:51:34,717 Get your butt out of my face! 1230 00:51:38,887 --> 00:51:42,130 Well, thank you so much. 1231 00:51:42,658 --> 00:51:44,194 Um, I definitely needed this. 1232 00:51:44,360 --> 00:51:47,170 I know. Bring this gift into your marriage. 1233 00:51:47,730 --> 00:51:51,405 - All you need is load-bearing ribbons. - Okay. 1234 00:51:51,567 --> 00:51:54,056 - And a reinforced ceiling. - Oh. 1235 00:51:54,136 --> 00:51:55,410 I should warn you... 1236 00:51:55,537 --> 00:51:59,610 you may experience some aftershock orgasms. 1237 00:51:59,842 --> 00:52:01,048 Oh. 1238 00:52:01,210 --> 00:52:04,384 So, I wouldn't operate any heavy machinery for a couple weeks. 1239 00:52:04,546 --> 00:52:07,152 That is not a euphemism for penis. I mean like... 1240 00:52:07,316 --> 00:52:11,765 - tractors, cranes, big boats. - Okay. 1241 00:52:11,920 --> 00:52:13,593 Good to know. 1242 00:52:13,756 --> 00:52:16,100 - Oh, and please hydrate. - Okay. 1243 00:52:16,258 --> 00:52:20,333 I cannot stress this enough. The consequences could be... 1244 00:52:21,599 --> 00:52:23,044 You could develop cancer. 1245 00:52:24,568 --> 00:52:25,876 You have a very good friend. 1246 00:52:31,242 --> 00:52:33,722 Wait, you did that? 1247 00:52:34,078 --> 00:52:36,968 Yeah, well, I felt so bad about your fucked up face... 1248 00:52:37,048 --> 00:52:38,459 and I wanted to make it up to you. 1249 00:52:39,083 --> 00:52:40,426 Aw! Thank you. 1250 00:52:40,751 --> 00:52:43,595 Hey, who needs a bachelorette party when they have you around? 1251 00:52:44,955 --> 00:52:46,844 - He rubbed my butt. - Yeah? 1252 00:52:46,924 --> 00:52:48,699 But with his butt. 1253 00:52:48,859 --> 00:52:51,465 It was like... He was on ribbons. 1254 00:52:52,763 --> 00:52:54,352 I don't know what you did with Jeanie in the spa... 1255 00:52:54,432 --> 00:52:56,021 but she's in a great mood. 1256 00:52:56,101 --> 00:52:58,605 Yeah, no problem. She just needed a release. 1257 00:52:58,771 --> 00:53:01,115 Oh, um, I had an idea for your graphic novel. 1258 00:53:01,274 --> 00:53:03,529 I thought you could do like a Rum character, 1259 00:53:03,609 --> 00:53:05,111 who's like Rastafarian, and he's like... 1260 00:53:05,511 --> 00:53:09,681 "I'm Rum Rum, get in my tum-tum, and I play the steel drum." 1261 00:53:10,216 --> 00:53:11,752 "You can rum, but you cannot hide, man." 1262 00:53:11,918 --> 00:53:14,421 Yeah, that's awesome. Already, that's so amazing. 1263 00:53:14,587 --> 00:53:16,897 No, that's such a good idea. How did I not figure that? 1264 00:53:18,925 --> 00:53:22,964 I think when I get back, I'm gonna stop selling liquor with Mike... 1265 00:53:23,129 --> 00:53:24,608 and start drawing full time. 1266 00:53:24,764 --> 00:53:26,243 - Really? - Yeah. 1267 00:53:26,399 --> 00:53:27,901 That's amazing. 1268 00:53:28,067 --> 00:53:30,274 Do you know how few people know what they really wanna do? 1269 00:53:30,436 --> 00:53:32,592 But then I think about what Mike's gonna think about it all... 1270 00:53:32,672 --> 00:53:34,652 and he's gonna hate that idea. 1271 00:53:34,808 --> 00:53:36,516 He's so clingy. 1272 00:53:36,678 --> 00:53:39,501 When we were kids, if I fell asleep before Mike... 1273 00:53:39,581 --> 00:53:41,652 he would always wake me up so he wouldn't feel alone. 1274 00:53:41,816 --> 00:53:43,659 - That's kinda sweet. - Yeah. 1275 00:53:43,818 --> 00:53:45,456 I don't know. I just... 1276 00:53:49,257 --> 00:53:50,634 Do you ever get that feeling... 1277 00:53:50,792 --> 00:53:54,296 that you're not good enough to get what you really want... 1278 00:53:54,462 --> 00:53:56,271 so you're too scared to try? 1279 00:53:57,999 --> 00:53:59,307 All the time. 1280 00:54:00,001 --> 00:54:02,777 - Really? - Like, all the time. It's terrifying. 1281 00:54:02,937 --> 00:54:04,814 - It is, it's terrifying. - Yeah. 1282 00:54:04,973 --> 00:54:05,974 You're, like, stuck. 1283 00:54:06,141 --> 00:54:07,779 - Totally. - Yeah. 1284 00:54:07,942 --> 00:54:09,444 Thanks. It's nice talking to you about this. 1285 00:54:22,826 --> 00:54:24,247 Hey. Where you going? 1286 00:54:24,327 --> 00:54:26,717 Is there a gang bang in the ballroom you need to emcee? 1287 00:54:26,797 --> 00:54:28,276 Don't be such a drama king. 1288 00:54:28,365 --> 00:54:30,072 Yeah, I'm totally overreacting. 1289 00:54:30,233 --> 00:54:31,541 When you invite someone to a wedding... 1290 00:54:31,701 --> 00:54:33,957 they obviously are supposed to finger diddle your family members. 1291 00:54:34,037 --> 00:54:35,038 That's common courtesy! 1292 00:54:35,205 --> 00:54:37,481 Okay, hold up. I am a grown-ass woman. 1293 00:54:37,674 --> 00:54:39,711 I can finger diddle whomever I want. 1294 00:54:39,843 --> 00:54:42,346 Just because you say "whomever" does not make it okay. 1295 00:54:42,512 --> 00:54:45,982 It's not a big deal. It's just like texting someone. 1296 00:54:46,216 --> 00:54:48,162 - Oh. - It's just like Tinder. 1297 00:54:48,318 --> 00:54:52,776 Swipe right, swipe right, swipe left. Swipe left, swipe right. 1298 00:54:52,856 --> 00:54:54,646 That's very graphic. That is... 1299 00:54:54,726 --> 00:54:57,866 Rotating your photos. Expanding them, contracting them. 1300 00:54:58,030 --> 00:55:00,567 Are you deliberately trying to hurt me? Is that what you're doing? 1301 00:55:00,732 --> 00:55:03,255 What? No! I was just trying to get RiRi tickets... 1302 00:55:03,335 --> 00:55:05,281 to make my best friend feel better, okay? 1303 00:55:05,437 --> 00:55:06,939 We're on vacay. 1304 00:55:09,007 --> 00:55:10,008 No... 1305 00:55:10,175 --> 00:55:13,884 You are invited to my sister's wedding. You're supposed to smile, nod... 1306 00:55:14,046 --> 00:55:15,252 and do what I want you to do. 1307 00:55:15,414 --> 00:55:16,415 That's the deal. 1308 00:55:17,049 --> 00:55:18,858 I thought that we had a connection. 1309 00:55:19,418 --> 00:55:20,419 Like a spark. 1310 00:55:20,586 --> 00:55:23,533 You thought you were gonna bring me here so that you could have sex with me. 1311 00:55:23,856 --> 00:55:26,311 Yes. No! What? Yeah, right. 1312 00:55:26,391 --> 00:55:27,392 Really? 1313 00:55:29,361 --> 00:55:31,068 Yes, obviously. 1314 00:55:31,230 --> 00:55:33,269 You are so hot. And you smell good. 1315 00:55:33,434 --> 00:55:35,209 It's not a weird thing that I wanna have sex with you... 1316 00:55:35,369 --> 00:55:37,315 because you are very sexy... 1317 00:55:37,471 --> 00:55:39,576 and you were leading me on, and we are in Hawaii... 1318 00:55:39,740 --> 00:55:41,617 which is a sexy place, and people have sex here. 1319 00:55:41,775 --> 00:55:44,085 God, dude, you built this all up in your head. 1320 00:55:44,245 --> 00:55:46,122 Alice and I just saw you on TV... 1321 00:55:46,313 --> 00:55:48,088 - wanted to go to Hawaii. - Hold up. 1322 00:55:49,116 --> 00:55:50,117 Fuck. 1323 00:55:50,284 --> 00:55:51,285 You saw us on TV? 1324 00:55:51,452 --> 00:55:53,854 No, I don't even watch Wendy Williams. 1325 00:55:58,726 --> 00:55:59,727 What? 1326 00:56:00,961 --> 00:56:02,497 - What? - Shh! 1327 00:56:02,596 --> 00:56:03,904 I thought you dug me. 1328 00:56:04,064 --> 00:56:05,338 Are you even a teacher? 1329 00:56:08,335 --> 00:56:09,336 No. 1330 00:56:09,503 --> 00:56:10,504 What about little Julio... 1331 00:56:10,671 --> 00:56:12,812 the dyslexic boy who you taught how to read? 1332 00:56:12,975 --> 00:56:15,353 Made it up. All of it. 1333 00:56:15,511 --> 00:56:17,787 Although I did have sex with this guy name Julio once... 1334 00:56:17,947 --> 00:56:19,449 and I'm pretty sure he couldn't read. 1335 00:56:20,416 --> 00:56:22,919 Here I thought you were Michelle Pfeiffer from Dangerous Minds. 1336 00:56:23,085 --> 00:56:25,258 Turns out, you're Michelle Pfeiffer from Scarface. 1337 00:56:25,955 --> 00:56:27,366 And you didn't even 1338 00:56:27,523 --> 00:56:30,902 say hello to my little friend. 1339 00:56:35,464 --> 00:56:37,341 Oh, come on, man. 1340 00:56:38,367 --> 00:56:39,471 Mike. 1341 00:56:53,151 --> 00:56:54,960 I'm really sorry. Um... 1342 00:56:56,120 --> 00:56:58,157 I've been acting crazy. 1343 00:56:58,489 --> 00:57:01,112 It's probably about Luke, my ex. 1344 00:57:01,192 --> 00:57:04,366 Oh, yeah. The guy who died in the plane crash... 1345 00:57:05,029 --> 00:57:07,168 with cancer, and AIDS, and stuff. 1346 00:57:07,332 --> 00:57:09,039 Yeah, that's the one. 1347 00:57:09,701 --> 00:57:11,840 Except none of that stuff happened, 'cause, um... 1348 00:57:15,640 --> 00:57:17,228 I lied. 1349 00:57:17,308 --> 00:57:18,309 You lied? 1350 00:57:20,445 --> 00:57:21,533 I can't do this. 1351 00:57:21,613 --> 00:57:22,614 Wait. 1352 00:57:22,714 --> 00:57:23,749 Sorry. 1353 00:57:23,848 --> 00:57:26,504 - That's okay. That's okay. - Sorry everyone. 1354 00:57:26,584 --> 00:57:29,759 I just forgot my phone. Can I grab my phone? 1355 00:57:30,489 --> 00:57:33,231 Sorry, I still don't want to get married. 1356 00:57:35,395 --> 00:57:39,575 Oh, my gosh. That's almost as bad as the plane crash story. 1357 00:57:40,400 --> 00:57:41,879 Why didn't you just tell me? 1358 00:57:43,870 --> 00:57:46,043 I didn't want you to think I was damaged goods. 1359 00:57:47,240 --> 00:57:49,015 I would never think that. 1360 00:57:49,843 --> 00:57:51,049 "Love hurts. 1361 00:57:52,045 --> 00:57:53,718 "Love scars. 1362 00:57:53,880 --> 00:57:57,692 "Love wounds, and mars." 1363 00:57:58,718 --> 00:58:02,894 That's from a really old song, for old people. 1364 00:58:04,190 --> 00:58:05,965 Why are you so nice? 1365 00:58:08,963 --> 00:58:10,910 'Cause I think you're nice. 1366 00:58:18,140 --> 00:58:19,141 David! 1367 00:58:20,042 --> 00:58:22,716 David, I need you here with me now. Come on. 1368 00:58:22,878 --> 00:58:24,118 No. No. 1369 00:58:24,546 --> 00:58:26,924 Stangles, assemble. Now! 1370 00:58:27,082 --> 00:58:28,789 - Let's go. - Is he okay? 1371 00:58:28,884 --> 00:58:29,871 Yeah, I think he's fine. 1372 00:58:29,951 --> 00:58:30,952 He's just got a lot on his mind. 1373 00:58:31,119 --> 00:58:32,140 Let's go! 1374 00:58:32,220 --> 00:58:34,490 Okay, I'm coming, dude. Jeez. 1375 00:58:36,625 --> 00:58:37,797 Oh... I... 1376 00:58:37,893 --> 00:58:39,804 You gave me a boost up. Okay. 1377 00:58:47,502 --> 00:58:48,983 A line has been drawn, David. 1378 00:58:49,239 --> 00:58:51,729 A clear line in the sand. 1379 00:58:51,809 --> 00:58:53,397 Is that why you brought me all the way down here... 1380 00:58:53,477 --> 00:58:55,599 so you could literally draw a line in the sand? 1381 00:58:55,679 --> 00:58:56,867 I'm a visual thinker, David. 1382 00:58:56,947 --> 00:58:58,255 - God damn it! - Son of a... 1383 00:58:59,550 --> 00:59:02,339 These girls, they've gotta go. 1384 00:59:02,419 --> 00:59:06,595 They pretended to dig us just to get a free trip to Hawaii. 1385 00:59:06,757 --> 00:59:08,031 They're liars! 1386 00:59:08,192 --> 00:59:10,263 So what, man? So they lied. 1387 00:59:10,694 --> 00:59:12,082 I was talking to Alice. 1388 00:59:12,162 --> 00:59:14,108 You have no idea what this girl's been through. 1389 00:59:14,264 --> 00:59:16,767 She needed this trip. We might have saved her life. 1390 00:59:17,134 --> 00:59:20,024 We should be practicing our speech for tonight. 1391 00:59:20,104 --> 00:59:22,516 Not babysitting the twins from The Shining. 1392 00:59:25,375 --> 00:59:26,854 Oh, my God. 1393 00:59:27,010 --> 00:59:28,355 Why are you laughing at me? 1394 00:59:28,681 --> 00:59:30,603 You sound like mom and dad when they're talking about us. 1395 00:59:30,683 --> 00:59:32,629 Well, no, fuck that noise. 1396 00:59:33,185 --> 00:59:34,774 Oh. Oh. Oh. 1397 00:59:34,854 --> 00:59:36,390 Guess what! You're gonna love this. 1398 00:59:36,555 --> 00:59:40,469 Tatiana was jerking off our cousin Terry. 1399 00:59:40,626 --> 00:59:42,281 - What? - Mmm-hmm. 1400 00:59:42,361 --> 00:59:43,499 Cousin Terry has a dick? 1401 00:59:43,829 --> 00:59:45,418 No, not "jerking off" jerking off. 1402 00:59:45,498 --> 00:59:47,671 The female version of jerking. 1403 00:59:47,833 --> 00:59:49,506 Dude, let's just chill out... 1404 00:59:49,668 --> 00:59:51,807 focus on Jeanie, and try not to be assholes... 1405 00:59:51,971 --> 00:59:53,292 for the rest of the weekend, okay? Can we do that? 1406 00:59:53,372 --> 00:59:55,010 I can't do that, David. 1407 00:59:55,407 --> 00:59:57,478 Because I saw our little sister... 1408 00:59:58,310 --> 00:59:59,311 What? 1409 01:00:00,212 --> 01:00:02,590 Well, let's just say she was making this face... 1410 01:00:04,984 --> 01:00:06,692 What? She saw a ghost? 1411 01:00:08,823 --> 01:00:10,234 She really had to pee? 1412 01:00:11,592 --> 01:00:12,593 Doing vocal warmups? 1413 01:00:13,461 --> 01:00:15,116 What are you doing? It looks like you're having an orgasm. 1414 01:00:15,196 --> 01:00:18,541 She was, David! With the masseuse. 1415 01:00:19,066 --> 01:00:20,409 - What! - Yes! 1416 01:00:20,601 --> 01:00:21,739 Oh, my God! 1417 01:00:21,869 --> 01:00:24,025 - She orgasms like a star. - No! 1418 01:00:24,105 --> 01:00:25,277 What's next? 1419 01:00:25,540 --> 01:00:30,011 I'm gonna walk in on mom giving dad a Push Pop? 1420 01:00:30,678 --> 01:00:31,713 What's a Push Pop? 1421 01:00:31,846 --> 01:00:35,191 I made it up, Dave. It's a sexual term that I just made up. 1422 01:00:35,349 --> 01:00:37,872 - What's a Push Pop? - I don't know. 1423 01:00:37,952 --> 01:00:39,807 - What's a Push Pop? - I don't know! 1424 01:00:39,887 --> 01:00:41,109 What's a Push Pop? 1425 01:00:41,189 --> 01:00:43,692 I've been to the bowels of the Internet, and I've never seen a Push Pop. 1426 01:00:43,858 --> 01:00:45,428 God, just tell me! What's a Push Pop? 1427 01:00:45,594 --> 01:00:47,541 It's a whole hand up an ass, David. 1428 01:00:47,697 --> 01:00:49,608 Is that what you want me to say? 1429 01:00:49,766 --> 01:00:53,145 - Oh, God! - Two hands pushin' the pop. 1430 01:00:53,236 --> 01:00:55,307 - Oh, God. - Is that what you want me to say? 1431 01:00:55,405 --> 01:00:56,941 I'll send you some links. 1432 01:01:16,326 --> 01:01:18,431 - We're at table two. - I'll be at the bar. 1433 01:01:18,595 --> 01:01:20,131 - I said table two. - I'll be at the bar! 1434 01:01:20,296 --> 01:01:21,468 You're out of control! 1435 01:01:22,298 --> 01:01:23,299 Thank you. 1436 01:01:24,434 --> 01:01:26,006 Trouble in paradise? 1437 01:01:30,175 --> 01:01:33,054 Freaking I don't care if I cause a scene. 1438 01:01:33,211 --> 01:01:37,159 Freaking I will punch you 17,000 times in the face. Freaking. 1439 01:01:37,315 --> 01:01:38,316 Take a shot. 1440 01:01:38,817 --> 01:01:41,388 You look like Don Johnson fucked Zack Morris. 1441 01:01:42,120 --> 01:01:44,999 Wait till Tatiana hears your shitty speech after my crazy dope one. 1442 01:01:45,156 --> 01:01:46,533 She's never gonna touch your baby bird again. 1443 01:01:48,227 --> 01:01:50,300 Thriller-Terry out! 1444 01:01:51,963 --> 01:01:53,465 So sad! 1445 01:01:53,632 --> 01:01:54,872 Oh, my God. It's a movie about cameras 1446 01:01:54,966 --> 01:01:56,240 just following you everywhere. 1447 01:01:56,468 --> 01:01:58,790 - Like The Truman Show. - Yeah! Exactly like The Truman Show! 1448 01:01:58,870 --> 01:02:00,577 Hey, Dave! Dave! 1449 01:02:00,739 --> 01:02:01,979 Hey, what's up? 1450 01:02:02,140 --> 01:02:04,798 I need you to come backstage right now and practice the speech. 1451 01:02:04,878 --> 01:02:06,084 Uh... 1452 01:02:06,179 --> 01:02:08,250 Dude, I'm kind of talking to Alice right now. 1453 01:02:08,415 --> 01:02:10,156 Which is a conversation you've now interrupted twice. 1454 01:02:10,317 --> 01:02:11,523 Our speech needs to kill. 1455 01:02:11,685 --> 01:02:13,722 Terry got a punch up from Chris Rock. 1456 01:02:13,987 --> 01:02:16,433 I didn't want to tell you before because I didn't want you to freak out. 1457 01:02:16,590 --> 01:02:17,591 I'm not freaking out. 1458 01:02:17,724 --> 01:02:19,067 Calm the fuck down, Dave! 1459 01:02:19,226 --> 01:02:20,364 You calm the fuck down! 1460 01:02:20,527 --> 01:02:22,302 Mike, you look like your face is gonna pop. 1461 01:02:22,529 --> 01:02:24,318 You gonna come or what? 1462 01:02:24,398 --> 01:02:25,786 Let's go. 1463 01:02:25,866 --> 01:02:27,739 I'll see you backstage. 1464 01:02:29,970 --> 01:02:30,991 Uh... 1465 01:02:31,071 --> 01:02:33,160 - I'm gonna go deal with this real quick. - Okay. 1466 01:02:33,240 --> 01:02:35,186 I'll just talk to myself for a while. All alone. 1467 01:02:38,445 --> 01:02:40,220 ...look on your stupid face! 1468 01:02:40,314 --> 01:02:41,802 What's wrong with me? 1469 01:02:41,882 --> 01:02:43,538 Don't fucking look at her. Turn around. 1470 01:02:43,618 --> 01:02:45,007 Everybody get the fuck out of here. 1471 01:02:45,087 --> 01:02:46,430 Fuck you, Luke. 1472 01:02:46,789 --> 01:02:49,560 I'm just gonna have a little lie down, okay? 1473 01:03:01,337 --> 01:03:02,509 Hi! 1474 01:03:02,671 --> 01:03:04,093 - Hi! - Hi! 1475 01:03:04,173 --> 01:03:06,295 Did you need to take a little breather, too? 1476 01:03:06,375 --> 01:03:07,877 No. Why? Are you? 1477 01:03:08,743 --> 01:03:10,065 Well... 1478 01:03:10,145 --> 01:03:13,502 You know, you think that every moment is going to feel... 1479 01:03:13,582 --> 01:03:15,871 warm and glowy... 1480 01:03:15,951 --> 01:03:17,773 and absolutely magical. 1481 01:03:17,853 --> 01:03:20,800 But, then, some stuff happens. 1482 01:03:21,790 --> 01:03:23,364 - Sure does. - Yeah. 1483 01:03:25,363 --> 01:03:28,572 Well, if you want warm, glowy and magical... 1484 01:03:29,433 --> 01:03:30,503 I have just the thing. 1485 01:03:31,135 --> 01:03:32,307 I don't leave home without it. 1486 01:03:35,139 --> 01:03:36,694 - Ecstasy. - Oh! 1487 01:03:36,774 --> 01:03:39,397 Every bride deserves to have a little fun the night before her wedding! 1488 01:03:39,477 --> 01:03:41,457 Yeah. I deserve to have a little fun. 1489 01:03:42,680 --> 01:03:44,421 You are so nice to me. 1490 01:03:44,648 --> 01:03:45,649 Aww. 1491 01:03:48,686 --> 01:03:50,342 This is gonna be so much fun! 1492 01:03:50,422 --> 01:03:53,357 - We should find something to suck on. - What? Oh. 1493 01:03:53,724 --> 01:03:56,064 - Mike! - Here. Put these on. 1494 01:03:56,560 --> 01:03:57,732 - We need headsets? - Yeah! 1495 01:03:58,095 --> 01:04:00,384 There's a lot of dancing in our speech, my man. Right? 1496 01:04:00,464 --> 01:04:01,653 Gotta go hands free. 1497 01:04:01,733 --> 01:04:03,289 This is how we do it, baby. 1498 01:04:03,369 --> 01:04:05,391 Come on. Hey, check this out. 1499 01:04:05,471 --> 01:04:07,527 I'm going to "wedding crash" cousin Terry. 1500 01:04:07,607 --> 01:04:08,661 What? 1501 01:04:08,741 --> 01:04:09,762 Put a few eye drops in her drink. 1502 01:04:09,842 --> 01:04:11,597 That way she shits all night, and can't do the speech. 1503 01:04:11,677 --> 01:04:12,849 Just like in the movie Wedding Crashers. 1504 01:04:13,046 --> 01:04:14,767 Mike, that is a terrible idea. 1505 01:04:14,847 --> 01:04:17,103 - You've seen the movie! - Of course I've seen the movie. 1506 01:04:17,183 --> 01:04:19,072 - You love that movie. - Everyone loves that movie. 1507 01:04:19,152 --> 01:04:20,573 How's it a bad idea if you love the movie? 1508 01:04:20,653 --> 01:04:22,608 I love Taken. I don't want to go steal little girls. 1509 01:04:22,688 --> 01:04:24,377 But we shouldn't wedding crash our own cousin. 1510 01:04:24,457 --> 01:04:25,678 I'm worried about you, man. 1511 01:04:25,758 --> 01:04:27,635 I'm really worried that you're losing your mind. 1512 01:04:27,760 --> 01:04:29,364 The look in your eyes right now... 1513 01:04:29,595 --> 01:04:31,551 You haven't blinked since we've started talking. 1514 01:04:31,631 --> 01:04:33,076 Oh, Davie, Davie, Davie! 1515 01:04:33,299 --> 01:04:34,369 What? 1516 01:04:34,767 --> 01:04:37,373 I've never been in more control in my entire life. 1517 01:04:40,624 --> 01:04:42,353 Mike! 1518 01:04:42,653 --> 01:04:43,808 Mike! 1519 01:04:43,908 --> 01:04:45,022 This is really intense. 1520 01:04:45,647 --> 01:04:47,268 Yeah, it's hitting me really hard. 1521 01:04:47,348 --> 01:04:49,225 This is good ecstasy. 1522 01:04:49,684 --> 01:04:51,493 I don't know. I wouldn't know. It's my first time. 1523 01:04:51,686 --> 01:04:53,074 - Wait, what? - What? 1524 01:04:53,154 --> 01:04:55,477 Why would you take ecstasy for the first time 1525 01:04:55,557 --> 01:04:56,978 on the night before your wedding? 1526 01:04:57,058 --> 01:04:58,059 What? 1527 01:04:58,159 --> 01:04:59,536 That is so baller! 1528 01:05:00,361 --> 01:05:02,238 Like a tiny blonde gangsta! 1529 01:05:02,363 --> 01:05:04,706 This little gangsta would kill for a motherfucking ginger ale! 1530 01:05:05,867 --> 01:05:06,937 - Do you wanna go? - Mmm-hmm. 1531 01:05:07,035 --> 01:05:08,490 Okay, let's go. 1532 01:05:08,570 --> 01:05:10,413 Hello, everyone. Please take your seats. 1533 01:05:10,805 --> 01:05:15,114 Welcome to the rehearsal dinner for my man, Eric... 1534 01:05:15,210 --> 01:05:17,554 and his bride-to-be, the lovely Jeanie. 1535 01:05:17,645 --> 01:05:20,560 They're two of the sweetest, best people I ever met. 1536 01:05:20,684 --> 01:05:22,960 All right. Our first speaker tonight... 1537 01:05:23,053 --> 01:05:24,841 is resident nasty girl... 1538 01:05:24,921 --> 01:05:27,059 Cousin Terry. 1539 01:05:27,457 --> 01:05:28,993 We can't let Terry crush. 1540 01:05:29,292 --> 01:05:30,347 It's not fair! 1541 01:05:30,427 --> 01:05:31,633 No. Give it to me. 1542 01:05:31,728 --> 01:05:33,435 My eyes are dry. Just give it to me. 1543 01:05:33,830 --> 01:05:35,434 Do you guys know who Chris Rock is? 1544 01:05:35,999 --> 01:05:39,037 He's my neighbor, and he helped me out with a little something I like to call... 1545 01:05:39,302 --> 01:05:40,657 "My speech." 1546 01:05:40,737 --> 01:05:43,360 Stop. You're wasting it. You're wasting the poison. 1547 01:05:43,440 --> 01:05:44,561 Mike, this is baby safe. 1548 01:05:44,641 --> 01:05:47,597 They removed the active ingredient, Tetrahydrozoline, like 20 years ago! 1549 01:05:47,677 --> 01:05:48,899 It worked on Wedding Crashers! 1550 01:05:48,979 --> 01:05:50,500 That was not real life! 1551 01:05:50,580 --> 01:05:53,186 Now let's talk about destination weddings! 1552 01:05:53,850 --> 01:05:55,305 It's like a vacation... 1553 01:05:55,385 --> 01:05:57,228 without the relaxation! 1554 01:05:58,923 --> 01:06:00,079 That's true. 1555 01:06:00,159 --> 01:06:01,160 Why aren't you on my side, Dave? 1556 01:06:01,593 --> 01:06:02,614 What? 1557 01:06:02,694 --> 01:06:05,106 I'm done with this shit, man. I'm not doing our stupid speech. 1558 01:06:05,330 --> 01:06:07,519 In fact, I'm quitting our liquor business. 1559 01:06:07,599 --> 01:06:08,703 There it is! 1560 01:06:08,934 --> 01:06:10,004 - Really? - Yeah. 1561 01:06:10,102 --> 01:06:11,206 And what are you gonna do? 1562 01:06:11,336 --> 01:06:12,691 I'm gonna draw! 1563 01:06:12,771 --> 01:06:15,894 I'm gonna work on my graphic novel, and Mom's gonna help me cover the rent. 1564 01:06:15,974 --> 01:06:17,044 Boom! 1565 01:06:17,242 --> 01:06:18,263 You traitor! 1566 01:06:18,343 --> 01:06:19,378 I ain't gotta rehearse! 1567 01:06:19,912 --> 01:06:22,720 I know how to eat dinner. 1568 01:06:24,883 --> 01:06:25,918 Keith, can you turn me up a little bit? 1569 01:06:26,818 --> 01:06:29,830 You turn your back on me when everyone else does. 1570 01:06:30,055 --> 01:06:33,063 Backstabbing, treacherous lying coward! 1571 01:06:33,292 --> 01:06:34,546 Ooh, I don't think they know they're on. 1572 01:06:34,626 --> 01:06:36,037 What? Where is that coming from? 1573 01:06:36,395 --> 01:06:37,635 I don't know what I did! 1574 01:06:37,729 --> 01:06:39,053 It doesn't matter, Mike. 1575 01:06:39,133 --> 01:06:40,544 You're losing your mind. 1576 01:06:40,734 --> 01:06:42,680 You just tried to poison our cousin Terry! 1577 01:06:44,038 --> 01:06:45,259 Try a little harder. Am I right? 1578 01:06:45,339 --> 01:06:46,494 You're goddamn right I did. 1579 01:06:46,574 --> 01:06:49,612 Because I wanted her to shit hot brown poop all over that stage. 1580 01:06:50,511 --> 01:06:51,866 That is unacceptable. 1581 01:06:51,946 --> 01:06:53,801 The mics are on, boys. 1582 01:06:53,881 --> 01:06:56,770 I wanted her butt to explode like a rotten cantaloupe. 1583 01:06:56,850 --> 01:06:58,038 The mics are on! 1584 01:06:58,118 --> 01:07:01,190 You're just fucking pissed off because Tatiana finger diddled Terry. 1585 01:07:02,522 --> 01:07:04,063 There it is! 1586 01:07:04,325 --> 01:07:06,195 It was for tickets to Rihanna. 1587 01:07:06,327 --> 01:07:08,238 You're sad, man. You are sad. 1588 01:07:08,629 --> 01:07:11,235 I'm gonna kick your ass just like when we were kids. 1589 01:07:15,803 --> 01:07:17,078 - Oh! - My God! 1590 01:07:19,308 --> 01:07:20,563 - Do you wanna go? - Don't do it! 1591 01:07:20,643 --> 01:07:21,864 These are coming your way. 1592 01:07:21,944 --> 01:07:23,279 Just stop! 1593 01:07:24,113 --> 01:07:25,786 God! That had to hurt. 1594 01:07:26,115 --> 01:07:27,423 Don't do it again. 1595 01:07:27,883 --> 01:07:28,884 Oh! 1596 01:07:31,153 --> 01:07:32,375 Why do you keep punching me? 1597 01:07:32,455 --> 01:07:33,866 Why do you keep rushing at me? 1598 01:07:34,023 --> 01:07:35,195 Get him, Dave. 1599 01:07:35,291 --> 01:07:36,412 Oops, who said that? 1600 01:07:36,492 --> 01:07:38,130 This wedding is going to hell! 1601 01:07:38,227 --> 01:07:39,382 Yes. 1602 01:07:39,462 --> 01:07:41,567 They're out there, smiling like fucking idiots. 1603 01:07:42,131 --> 01:07:44,304 And they don't realize the bride... 1604 01:07:44,467 --> 01:07:46,389 is getting off at massage parlors... 1605 01:07:46,469 --> 01:07:48,778 like a goddamn Vietnam War veteran. 1606 01:07:50,339 --> 01:07:52,862 I think they misunderstood what happened. I think they just misunderstood. 1607 01:07:52,942 --> 01:07:55,064 I walked in and saw little Jeanie... 1608 01:07:55,144 --> 01:07:56,934 the bride-to-be, orgasming. 1609 01:07:57,015 --> 01:07:59,404 The masseuse got her off. 1610 01:07:59,484 --> 01:08:00,838 God damn it! 1611 01:08:00,918 --> 01:08:01,988 Jeanie! 1612 01:08:02,420 --> 01:08:03,421 I hate you! 1613 01:08:17,502 --> 01:08:19,311 The rehearsal dinner is over. 1614 01:08:20,004 --> 01:08:23,008 Drinks by the pool, everybody. Drinks by the pool. 1615 01:08:26,644 --> 01:08:29,181 Everything feels so good, right? 1616 01:08:29,314 --> 01:08:30,315 Yep. 1617 01:08:30,715 --> 01:08:32,237 You know what I've been thinking about a lot? 1618 01:08:32,317 --> 01:08:33,387 Tell me. 1619 01:08:33,484 --> 01:08:35,407 Eric is so sweet and sensitive. 1620 01:08:35,487 --> 01:08:37,510 Kind, good, fiancé. 1621 01:08:37,590 --> 01:08:39,126 Probably great husband and stuff, but... 1622 01:08:40,226 --> 01:08:42,015 Do you think Eric is boring? 1623 01:08:42,095 --> 01:08:43,149 Boring? 1624 01:08:43,229 --> 01:08:44,401 Like for my honeymoon... 1625 01:08:44,831 --> 01:08:46,953 all I wanted to do was go on a hot air balloon... 1626 01:08:47,033 --> 01:08:48,808 to different countries around the world. 1627 01:08:48,968 --> 01:08:51,157 And just be surrounded by wicker. 1628 01:08:51,237 --> 01:08:52,726 We could have wicker picnic baskets... 1629 01:08:52,806 --> 01:08:55,343 and I could make picnic hats out of wicker. 1630 01:08:55,575 --> 01:08:57,564 We would be wearing matching Chuck Taylors. 1631 01:08:57,644 --> 01:08:59,487 - And he vetoed it. - Oh! 1632 01:08:59,913 --> 01:09:02,291 Because he wants to go to a resort, and just... 1633 01:09:04,384 --> 01:09:05,939 - ...perch. - What? 1634 01:09:06,019 --> 01:09:07,107 I am a young woman... 1635 01:09:07,187 --> 01:09:09,442 - Preach! - There is so much for me to see. 1636 01:09:09,522 --> 01:09:11,832 - Yes. - I haven't even been to Burning Man. 1637 01:09:12,292 --> 01:09:14,499 I don't even know what Amsterdam is like. 1638 01:09:15,029 --> 01:09:16,600 I haven't been to Seattle. 1639 01:09:16,732 --> 01:09:17,986 You've never been to Seattle? 1640 01:09:18,066 --> 01:09:19,087 No! 1641 01:09:19,167 --> 01:09:21,545 - Seattle's gonna change your fucking life! - Really? 1642 01:09:21,636 --> 01:09:22,858 You need to get out of this cage! 1643 01:09:22,938 --> 01:09:23,992 I am in a cage... 1644 01:09:24,072 --> 01:09:26,552 just like these horses are caged. 1645 01:09:26,742 --> 01:09:28,619 Just let them out. 1646 01:09:28,810 --> 01:09:29,811 Huh? 1647 01:09:31,279 --> 01:09:32,383 Let them all out. 1648 01:09:38,787 --> 01:09:41,410 Be free! No one can hold you down! 1649 01:09:41,490 --> 01:09:44,630 Be free, my friends! Follow your dreams! 1650 01:10:10,220 --> 01:10:11,460 Here to pile on? 1651 01:10:11,822 --> 01:10:12,823 Go ahead. 1652 01:10:12,923 --> 01:10:14,211 Any insult you can think of... 1653 01:10:14,291 --> 01:10:15,793 I've probably told myself a million times. 1654 01:10:15,926 --> 01:10:17,599 Why were you trying to poison your cousin? 1655 01:10:19,797 --> 01:10:25,022 I was jealous of the whole steam room incident. 1656 01:10:25,102 --> 01:10:27,912 That is some crazy shit. That's like something I would do. 1657 01:10:28,138 --> 01:10:29,760 This one time in high school... 1658 01:10:29,840 --> 01:10:31,328 this bitch tried to hit on my boyfriend... 1659 01:10:31,408 --> 01:10:32,997 and I cut off her ponytail while she was sleeping... 1660 01:10:33,077 --> 01:10:34,533 and I wore it to school for a month. 1661 01:10:34,613 --> 01:10:35,735 What the fuck? 1662 01:10:35,815 --> 01:10:37,351 But you tried to poison your cousin. 1663 01:10:50,830 --> 01:10:53,811 Look. I'm sorry I've been so rough on you, okay? 1664 01:10:54,033 --> 01:10:57,742 I honestly think it's because you're so much like me. 1665 01:10:57,970 --> 01:10:59,925 You act all confident... 1666 01:11:00,005 --> 01:11:03,009 but, inside, you're scared of everything. 1667 01:11:03,242 --> 01:11:04,949 You act like you don't care what people think... 1668 01:11:05,044 --> 01:11:06,614 but you really care what people think. 1669 01:11:06,712 --> 01:11:07,933 And you try to act so smart... 1670 01:11:08,013 --> 01:11:09,635 but sometimes... 1671 01:11:09,715 --> 01:11:12,926 you're just afraid you're the dumbest person in the world. 1672 01:11:15,690 --> 01:11:17,294 I'm so dumb. 1673 01:11:17,792 --> 01:11:21,262 I'm constantly saying words that I don't know the meaning of. 1674 01:11:21,929 --> 01:11:24,273 Like, I use this word, "assuage"... 1675 01:11:24,532 --> 01:11:25,909 all the time. 1676 01:11:26,200 --> 01:11:28,146 Can you assuage me the ketchup? 1677 01:11:28,269 --> 01:11:30,180 Can I assuage you a few questions? 1678 01:11:30,371 --> 01:11:33,181 - Is that the meaning of it? - I don't know. 1679 01:11:33,274 --> 01:11:34,729 But it's like, I'm so stupid... 1680 01:11:34,809 --> 01:11:37,064 but I act all confident, so people listen to me. 1681 01:11:37,144 --> 01:11:38,214 And it's fucked up. 1682 01:11:38,412 --> 01:11:40,323 Me, too. I'm a natural born leader. 1683 01:11:40,548 --> 01:11:42,303 Like George Washington. 1684 01:11:42,383 --> 01:11:43,471 Yeah. 1685 01:11:43,551 --> 01:11:44,791 Or another leader. 1686 01:11:52,362 --> 01:11:53,750 All right, here's one. 1687 01:11:53,830 --> 01:11:55,901 But I'm about to get super real with you. Okay? 1688 01:11:57,367 --> 01:12:01,008 I thought I was destined for such great things... 1689 01:12:01,104 --> 01:12:03,778 but I may never achieve anything. 1690 01:12:07,310 --> 01:12:08,550 Sister. 1691 01:12:09,913 --> 01:12:11,824 Have you been reading my diary? 1692 01:12:20,890 --> 01:12:21,925 Yes. 1693 01:12:22,892 --> 01:12:23,996 Okay. 1694 01:12:36,474 --> 01:12:37,762 You are beautiful! 1695 01:12:37,842 --> 01:12:39,219 On to Seattle! 1696 01:12:39,377 --> 01:12:40,481 Alice? 1697 01:12:41,513 --> 01:12:42,514 Am I glowing? 1698 01:12:42,781 --> 01:12:44,854 I can see sounds and hear colors. 1699 01:12:44,949 --> 01:12:46,287 Be free! 1700 01:12:46,451 --> 01:12:48,055 What the fuck are the horses doing out? 1701 01:12:48,987 --> 01:12:50,398 Who the fuck are you guys? 1702 01:12:50,655 --> 01:12:51,861 Fucking gypsies! 1703 01:12:52,023 --> 01:12:54,162 Francisco! Francisco, run! 1704 01:12:54,559 --> 01:12:56,505 Whoa! Shit! 1705 01:12:59,331 --> 01:13:00,385 Hey. 1706 01:13:00,465 --> 01:13:02,035 Dave! Hi. 1707 01:13:03,668 --> 01:13:04,990 What's up? What's up with you? 1708 01:13:05,070 --> 01:13:07,346 - What's going on? Are you okay? - Me? 1709 01:13:07,505 --> 01:13:09,645 Yeah. I'm fine. 1710 01:13:11,411 --> 01:13:12,856 Oh. Yeah. Well... 1711 01:13:13,413 --> 01:13:15,188 Yeah. See, what happened was that... 1712 01:13:15,349 --> 01:13:17,671 there was a tsunami, and it took away our clothes... 1713 01:13:17,751 --> 01:13:18,972 but it brought these horses. 1714 01:13:19,052 --> 01:13:20,040 What? 1715 01:13:20,120 --> 01:13:22,342 And then, we wanted to get naked because of Lady Godiva... 1716 01:13:22,422 --> 01:13:24,197 but then horses can't eat chocolate. 1717 01:13:24,358 --> 01:13:26,338 They could have an aneurysm. 1718 01:13:26,493 --> 01:13:27,699 Where's Jeanie? 1719 01:13:27,794 --> 01:13:29,149 Hey, don't yell at her just because she's the one... 1720 01:13:29,229 --> 01:13:30,817 - that told me to go to Seattle. - Holy shit! 1721 01:13:30,897 --> 01:13:32,553 - I've always wanted to go! - Oh, my God! 1722 01:13:32,633 --> 01:13:34,421 That is not her fault. 1723 01:13:34,501 --> 01:13:35,946 - Oh, my eyes! - What's the matter? 1724 01:13:36,103 --> 01:13:37,691 Stop yelling. Why are you yelling? David, stop yelling. 1725 01:13:37,771 --> 01:13:39,409 You're being loud. And this a happy time. 1726 01:13:39,573 --> 01:13:40,916 This a really good time. 1727 01:13:41,074 --> 01:13:42,229 There's nothing wrong. So who's at fault? 1728 01:13:42,309 --> 01:13:44,687 Did you know that Hitler's parents were second cousins? 1729 01:13:44,878 --> 01:13:46,414 - Do you have any water? - Put your clothes on! 1730 01:13:46,580 --> 01:13:49,789 I'm a woman, Dave. Deal with it. 1731 01:13:50,019 --> 01:13:53,728 Because this is the bush that you came out of. 1732 01:13:53,889 --> 01:13:55,232 I didn't come from that bush. 1733 01:13:55,391 --> 01:13:57,098 I came from Mom's bush. And you know that. 1734 01:13:57,259 --> 01:13:58,704 Jeanie! Oh, my God! 1735 01:13:59,194 --> 01:14:00,571 You're completely naked! 1736 01:14:00,729 --> 01:14:03,073 - Hi, Becky! - God, your bush is huge. 1737 01:14:03,232 --> 01:14:04,939 - You look tall. - No, ma'am. 1738 01:14:05,100 --> 01:14:07,512 I told you to stay away from these bitches. 1739 01:14:07,770 --> 01:14:09,909 Alice, seriously, are you tripping? 1740 01:14:10,072 --> 01:14:11,060 No. God, no. 1741 01:14:11,140 --> 01:14:13,313 Why would say that? Just because everything feels really soft? 1742 01:14:13,609 --> 01:14:15,213 Please. Just tell me the truth. 1743 01:14:15,377 --> 01:14:16,447 Are you on drugs? 1744 01:14:17,279 --> 01:14:18,724 We're super fucked up. Yeah. 1745 01:14:18,881 --> 01:14:19,902 What? 1746 01:14:19,982 --> 01:14:22,394 We started with ecstasy, but then I went into my mystery bags. 1747 01:14:22,551 --> 01:14:23,928 Why the fuck would you do that? 1748 01:14:24,086 --> 01:14:25,307 Don't you judge me, David. 1749 01:14:25,387 --> 01:14:27,142 I don't think you're supposed to go into the mystery bag... 1750 01:14:27,222 --> 01:14:28,293 the night before the wedding. 1751 01:14:28,459 --> 01:14:30,598 We brought you here because we thought you were nice girls. 1752 01:14:30,761 --> 01:14:32,604 But Mike was right about you two. 1753 01:14:32,763 --> 01:14:35,004 This whole wedding weekend is just going to shit! 1754 01:14:35,166 --> 01:14:36,975 Dave, I'll be honest with you. 1755 01:14:37,134 --> 01:14:38,272 I need some clothes. 1756 01:14:39,303 --> 01:14:40,782 I can't continue to wear this horse. 1757 01:14:40,938 --> 01:14:42,474 Oh, my God. 1758 01:14:43,007 --> 01:14:44,315 Oh, the wind feels so nice. 1759 01:14:44,475 --> 01:14:46,349 Come on, come on, come on. 1760 01:14:47,711 --> 01:14:51,602 We should go in the ocean. I'm so thirsty! Dave, we should get in the ocean. 1761 01:14:51,682 --> 01:14:54,839 Please, please, please, just be quiet. 1762 01:14:54,919 --> 01:14:56,407 I love this song. 1763 01:14:56,487 --> 01:14:57,830 There's no music playing. 1764 01:14:58,956 --> 01:14:59,957 Baby, wait. 1765 01:15:00,124 --> 01:15:02,035 Don't worry. Only our butts touched. 1766 01:15:02,193 --> 01:15:04,139 Stop it. Don't freak out anymore, Pumpkin! 1767 01:15:04,295 --> 01:15:06,332 Don't freak out? Don't freak out? 1768 01:15:06,530 --> 01:15:07,875 Tell me one thing. 1769 01:15:08,101 --> 01:15:09,307 Did you enjoy it? 1770 01:15:09,869 --> 01:15:11,473 No. 1771 01:15:12,438 --> 01:15:13,826 That is such a "yes" no. 1772 01:15:13,906 --> 01:15:14,961 No. 1773 01:15:15,041 --> 01:15:17,430 I'm gonna ask you again. Did you enjoy it? 1774 01:15:17,510 --> 01:15:18,498 Yes! Oh. 1775 01:15:18,578 --> 01:15:19,613 Well... 1776 01:15:19,879 --> 01:15:21,449 Cat's out of the frigging bag, isn't it? 1777 01:15:21,614 --> 01:15:23,525 I went for a normal massage... 1778 01:15:23,683 --> 01:15:25,720 but Alice, she had asked for a little special treat. 1779 01:15:25,885 --> 01:15:27,796 And then it just kept coming, and coming, and coming, and... 1780 01:15:27,954 --> 01:15:30,059 Who are these fucking girls your brothers brought to this wedding? 1781 01:15:30,490 --> 01:15:33,027 You are clearly on drugs. 1782 01:15:33,192 --> 01:15:34,671 And we're getting married tomorrow! 1783 01:15:35,495 --> 01:15:37,338 I'm scared, Pumpkin. 1784 01:15:37,497 --> 01:15:38,737 Aren't you scared? 1785 01:15:38,898 --> 01:15:40,707 Well, yeah, now I am. 1786 01:15:41,234 --> 01:15:42,542 It's just that... 1787 01:15:43,236 --> 01:15:47,687 I'm just a little worried that you are... 1788 01:15:49,210 --> 01:15:50,211 boring. 1789 01:15:51,746 --> 01:15:53,089 What are you saying? 1790 01:15:53,248 --> 01:15:54,454 You don't want to marry me? 1791 01:16:05,326 --> 01:16:06,600 Well... 1792 01:16:06,761 --> 01:16:08,365 No, she doesn't mean that. She's just confused... 1793 01:16:08,530 --> 01:16:09,770 because she's just rolling super hard right now. 1794 01:16:09,931 --> 01:16:11,035 You rolled her! 1795 01:16:11,199 --> 01:16:13,270 - You're the roller! - I'm so sorry. 1796 01:16:13,434 --> 01:16:15,846 I was gonna draw Rum for you. But not anymore. 1797 01:16:16,004 --> 01:16:17,984 Everything is not irie, man! 1798 01:16:20,408 --> 01:16:23,014 You've made me so, so sad. 1799 01:16:25,581 --> 01:16:26,959 But a little bit mad. 1800 01:16:27,717 --> 01:16:29,128 But mostly just sad. 1801 01:16:30,120 --> 01:16:31,121 Oh! 1802 01:16:33,089 --> 01:16:34,397 - Dad! - Don't! 1803 01:16:34,558 --> 01:16:35,969 Mike, for once in your life... 1804 01:16:36,126 --> 01:16:39,107 please don't say a fucking word. 1805 01:17:03,553 --> 01:17:05,330 I hate them sometimes. 1806 01:17:05,490 --> 01:17:06,745 Fucking love them and they're dicks. 1807 01:17:06,825 --> 01:17:08,566 Sometimes I love them, sometimes I hate them. 1808 01:17:16,635 --> 01:17:17,636 Everything okay over there? 1809 01:17:17,803 --> 01:17:20,215 I can't find my other sock. It's pissing me off. 1810 01:17:23,108 --> 01:17:24,849 Did you take my sock, bro? 1811 01:17:25,010 --> 01:17:26,080 No. 1812 01:17:26,578 --> 01:17:28,956 I think you took my fucking sock, bro. 1813 01:17:30,582 --> 01:17:31,652 God damn it. 1814 01:17:31,783 --> 01:17:33,888 I can't believe Jeanie and Eric aren't getting married... 1815 01:17:34,019 --> 01:17:35,828 and it's all our fault. 1816 01:17:36,488 --> 01:17:39,469 It's slightly our fault. 1817 01:17:40,425 --> 01:17:42,371 It's totally our fault. Fuck. 1818 01:17:42,527 --> 01:17:44,873 We got selfish. We got distracted. 1819 01:17:46,467 --> 01:17:49,277 I don't think we were #DoingltForJeanie at all. 1820 01:17:49,436 --> 01:17:51,313 We weren't #DoingltForJeanie. 1821 01:17:51,472 --> 01:17:54,316 Our fucking little sister. Our little Jeanie Beanie Weanie. 1822 01:17:54,975 --> 01:17:56,852 She is Stanglita. 1823 01:17:57,011 --> 01:17:59,787 The one little girl we used to let into our Stang Hangs. 1824 01:17:59,947 --> 01:18:00,935 The Stangle Dangle. 1825 01:18:01,015 --> 01:18:02,551 The smallest plane in the Stangar. 1826 01:18:02,716 --> 01:18:03,854 Don't do it, dude. 1827 01:18:04,018 --> 01:18:05,326 We're supposed to be her protector. 1828 01:18:05,486 --> 01:18:07,022 Don't you cry. 1829 01:18:07,187 --> 01:18:08,188 We're supposed to look out for her. 1830 01:18:08,355 --> 01:18:09,527 Stop it. 1831 01:18:09,690 --> 01:18:12,637 We're supposed to be the two dudes that have her back no matter what. 1832 01:18:12,793 --> 01:18:14,238 If you start, I'm gonna start. 1833 01:18:14,395 --> 01:18:16,671 We broke up her marriage. 1834 01:18:19,466 --> 01:18:22,379 Of course I'm fucking doing it, man. We ruined Jeanie's wedding. 1835 01:18:22,536 --> 01:18:23,983 I'm doing it, too. 1836 01:18:24,540 --> 01:18:25,717 I hate it. 1837 01:18:38,587 --> 01:18:41,210 Oh, man, we fucked up this wedding. 1838 01:18:41,290 --> 01:18:42,291 Yeah. 1839 01:18:42,458 --> 01:18:44,631 We fucked it in the dick. 1840 01:18:45,962 --> 01:18:47,617 You know I don't like it when you say that. That's just... 1841 01:18:47,697 --> 01:18:50,405 I know, but we fucked it so hard. Fuck. 1842 01:18:50,499 --> 01:18:53,656 I think the reason we get ourselves into so much shit is... 1843 01:18:53,736 --> 01:18:55,807 we're always telling each other we're so awesome... 1844 01:18:56,072 --> 01:18:59,076 when we're definitely not being awesome. 1845 01:18:59,241 --> 01:19:00,549 That's deep. 1846 01:19:00,710 --> 01:19:02,521 Yeah, you know what? Um... 1847 01:19:04,115 --> 01:19:05,958 I wanted you to feel better... 1848 01:19:06,117 --> 01:19:08,290 and get your groove back... 1849 01:19:08,453 --> 01:19:11,593 but not all the way better to where... 1850 01:19:13,024 --> 01:19:15,026 you wouldn't need me anymore. 1851 01:19:15,193 --> 01:19:18,106 Because if you don't need me... 1852 01:19:19,597 --> 01:19:22,271 then nobody needs me, and, um... 1853 01:19:22,934 --> 01:19:26,211 Anyway, that's what I was thinking when I was knuckles deep into Cousin Terry. 1854 01:19:26,871 --> 01:19:28,817 Dude, we're always gonna need each other. 1855 01:19:29,440 --> 01:19:30,441 Okay. 1856 01:19:30,708 --> 01:19:34,751 Okay, here's the thing. I don't wanna stop being us. 1857 01:19:34,912 --> 01:19:36,983 But I think occasionally... 1858 01:19:37,148 --> 01:19:41,393 we should think about how we make other people feel. 1859 01:19:43,690 --> 01:19:44,678 Like Jeanie? 1860 01:19:44,758 --> 01:19:45,964 Yeah, like Jeanie. 1861 01:19:46,426 --> 01:19:48,133 - Oof. - Or like Eric. 1862 01:19:48,595 --> 01:19:49,630 Oh, fuck. 1863 01:19:49,796 --> 01:19:51,434 This feels fucking terrible. 1864 01:19:51,598 --> 01:19:53,805 This does not feel good. 1865 01:19:54,000 --> 01:19:56,742 Like, Dave's so special and... 1866 01:19:57,470 --> 01:19:59,848 He must be so mad at me. 1867 01:20:00,273 --> 01:20:01,343 Poor Mike. 1868 01:20:01,508 --> 01:20:04,853 He's less special, but I played him so hard. 1869 01:20:05,011 --> 01:20:06,456 They must be so mad at us! 1870 01:20:06,613 --> 01:20:08,820 They must hate us. Fuck! I would hate us. 1871 01:20:08,982 --> 01:20:10,791 I would fucking hate us! 1872 01:20:10,950 --> 01:20:13,294 I hate us, man. I hate us! 1873 01:20:13,453 --> 01:20:14,591 I hate us, too! 1874 01:20:14,754 --> 01:20:16,461 But you're the best, dude. I love you. 1875 01:20:16,623 --> 01:20:18,967 Don't lump yourself in with me. 1876 01:20:19,125 --> 01:20:20,605 I'm like a little troll... 1877 01:20:20,762 --> 01:20:23,538 who lives on nothing but river water and squirrel meats. 1878 01:20:23,698 --> 01:20:26,110 Your drawing? I could never do anything like that. 1879 01:20:26,268 --> 01:20:28,457 - So go. You go right now. - What? 1880 01:20:28,537 --> 01:20:29,591 Go! 1881 01:20:29,671 --> 01:20:33,050 Don't let your loser older brother hold you back. 1882 01:20:36,511 --> 01:20:37,854 You are not a loser. 1883 01:20:38,680 --> 01:20:40,182 Thanks, Dave. 1884 01:20:40,348 --> 01:20:41,850 Dude, you introduced me to the Ninja Turtles. 1885 01:20:42,017 --> 01:20:43,860 Taught me Donatello was a pussy. 1886 01:20:44,019 --> 01:20:45,896 That Raphael was actually dope... 1887 01:20:46,054 --> 01:20:48,034 because he didn't give a fuck what people thought. 1888 01:20:48,190 --> 01:20:49,464 He's cool, but rude. 1889 01:20:49,624 --> 01:20:50,864 Exactly. 1890 01:20:50,959 --> 01:20:53,064 When all those kids kicked at me and they called me "Moist"... 1891 01:20:53,161 --> 01:20:56,040 you stopped eating muffins at the school lunch for a year. 1892 01:20:56,198 --> 01:20:57,871 They were too moist. 1893 01:20:59,000 --> 01:21:00,913 Made you an easy target. 1894 01:21:01,071 --> 01:21:04,575 You're my brother. And I love you. 1895 01:21:04,741 --> 01:21:06,311 Heroes in a half shell. 1896 01:21:06,477 --> 01:21:07,581 Turtle power. 1897 01:21:12,649 --> 01:21:14,856 We're not going anywhere... 1898 01:21:15,018 --> 01:21:18,693 until our little sister, Jeanie Beanie Weanie... 1899 01:21:18,856 --> 01:21:20,563 is getting married. 1900 01:21:26,263 --> 01:21:27,503 You just killed the TV. 1901 01:21:28,031 --> 01:21:29,772 I was aiming for it. 1902 01:21:32,236 --> 01:21:35,046 We are such idiots. We are so stupid. 1903 01:21:35,205 --> 01:21:36,707 We ruined your whole wedding... 1904 01:21:36,874 --> 01:21:38,582 and we finally just realized that. 1905 01:21:38,743 --> 01:21:40,724 All right. Please just stop talking, okay? 1906 01:21:40,880 --> 01:21:44,054 Not another word. My head hurts so bad. 1907 01:21:44,216 --> 01:21:45,422 Jeanie, Eric. 1908 01:21:45,584 --> 01:21:48,292 We can't let you not get married just because we fucked everything up. 1909 01:21:48,454 --> 01:21:49,592 We love you so much, Jeanie. 1910 01:21:49,688 --> 01:21:51,759 We love you, Eric. We just want you guys to love each other. 1911 01:21:51,857 --> 01:21:53,358 - Just love each other. - That's it. 1912 01:21:54,927 --> 01:21:56,201 Jeanie, Eric. 1913 01:21:56,362 --> 01:21:57,864 We can't let you not get married. 1914 01:21:58,030 --> 01:21:59,634 Yeah. Just because we fucked everything up? 1915 01:21:59,798 --> 01:22:01,243 I mean, we want you guys to love each other. 1916 01:22:01,400 --> 01:22:02,401 Love each other. 1917 01:22:03,569 --> 01:22:06,448 Okay. This is bizarre, because we literally did that... 1918 01:22:06,605 --> 01:22:07,982 ...exact same thing. 1919 01:22:08,140 --> 01:22:09,778 We're even doing this hand motion. 1920 01:22:09,942 --> 01:22:11,114 Yeah, all that was ours. 1921 01:22:11,277 --> 01:22:13,314 The point is, this shit is all our fault. 1922 01:22:13,479 --> 01:22:15,117 No, it's our fault. 1923 01:22:15,281 --> 01:22:16,954 No, it's definitely our fault. 1924 01:22:17,116 --> 01:22:18,222 It is our fault for sure. 1925 01:22:18,386 --> 01:22:19,387 No, no, no. For real. 1926 01:22:19,554 --> 01:22:20,999 If anything, it's my fault. 1927 01:22:22,723 --> 01:22:24,327 Shh! Please stop. 1928 01:22:26,594 --> 01:22:30,701 Everyone shut the fuck up! 1929 01:22:31,365 --> 01:22:33,709 Jesus Hussein Christ. 1930 01:22:33,868 --> 01:22:35,814 God damn it! 1931 01:22:35,937 --> 01:22:38,213 Been trying to read this same paragraph... 1932 01:22:38,439 --> 01:22:39,727 for 20 minutes. 1933 01:22:39,807 --> 01:22:44,347 But you four fucking morons keep on fucking with my shit. 1934 01:22:45,046 --> 01:22:46,667 We've only been here for three minutes... 1935 01:22:46,747 --> 01:22:47,935 so those other 17 minutes... 1936 01:22:48,015 --> 01:22:49,203 - that's kind of on you... - Mike! 1937 01:22:49,283 --> 01:22:50,538 I'm using hyperbole. 1938 01:22:50,618 --> 01:22:53,462 I don't know what that means, and I think you know that I don't. 1939 01:22:53,588 --> 01:22:55,576 Mike, do me a favor. Shut the fuck up. 1940 01:22:55,656 --> 01:22:56,644 Go Eric. 1941 01:22:56,724 --> 01:22:57,780 Shut up too! 1942 01:22:57,860 --> 01:22:59,134 I mean, God damn it! 1943 01:22:59,295 --> 01:23:02,435 You're all self-absorbed, barely-functioning... 1944 01:23:02,999 --> 01:23:04,239 codependent weirdos! 1945 01:23:05,401 --> 01:23:06,709 - Yeah. - I know. 1946 01:23:06,803 --> 01:23:08,908 - That's pretty spot-on. - We just figured that out. 1947 01:23:09,072 --> 01:23:11,828 - Those are not good qualities. - We're gonna work on it. 1948 01:23:11,908 --> 01:23:13,897 - It's been a long time. - It's been so many years. 1949 01:23:13,977 --> 01:23:15,581 We're both very confused. 1950 01:23:15,678 --> 01:23:17,783 No, no. You're not confused. 1951 01:23:17,880 --> 01:23:20,003 You're just coming down off MDMA. 1952 01:23:20,083 --> 01:23:21,562 Sorry. Which I gave you. 1953 01:23:21,718 --> 01:23:24,392 And Eric, you can't blame her for anything she said last night. 1954 01:23:24,554 --> 01:23:27,330 I've done so much stupid shit on E. 1955 01:23:27,490 --> 01:23:30,061 I got so dehydrated that I was drinking puddle water... 1956 01:23:30,226 --> 01:23:31,398 and I had to go to the hospital... 1957 01:23:31,561 --> 01:23:34,167 'cause puddles are really dirty. 1958 01:23:34,364 --> 01:23:35,818 One time I was on peyote... 1959 01:23:35,898 --> 01:23:38,156 and I signed up for a T-Mobile plan. 1960 01:23:38,236 --> 01:23:39,991 One time I got high. 1961 01:23:40,071 --> 01:23:42,574 I read the back of a shampoo bottle for 13 hours. 1962 01:23:43,608 --> 01:23:44,763 Because it said "repeat." 1963 01:23:44,843 --> 01:23:46,379 - Rinse and repeat. - I get it. 1964 01:23:46,478 --> 01:23:49,516 Jeanie, I know you think that Eric can be boring... 1965 01:23:49,781 --> 01:23:52,387 Enough of this talk of boring! 1966 01:23:52,917 --> 01:23:53,972 Damn it! 1967 01:23:54,052 --> 01:23:58,262 Sixty percent of my investments are in some pretty aggressive stocks. 1968 01:23:58,390 --> 01:24:01,769 I don't always look both ways when I cross the street. 1969 01:24:01,926 --> 01:24:04,916 I've been known to have a second glass of wine... 1970 01:24:04,996 --> 01:24:06,818 with my dinner, every now and then. 1971 01:24:06,898 --> 01:24:08,553 I once went to see a movie... 1972 01:24:08,633 --> 01:24:11,122 walked across the hallway, saw a second movie. 1973 01:24:11,202 --> 01:24:12,510 Didn't pay till after. 1974 01:24:12,704 --> 01:24:13,876 Is that boring? 1975 01:24:14,372 --> 01:24:15,361 Is that boring? 1976 01:24:15,441 --> 01:24:16,597 - What'd you say? - Yeah. 1977 01:24:16,677 --> 01:24:18,213 - You're right. We were wrong. - That was pretty boring. 1978 01:24:18,645 --> 01:24:19,885 Well, how about this for boring? 1979 01:24:21,748 --> 01:24:23,489 Bam! 1980 01:24:23,983 --> 01:24:26,256 Two hot air balloon tickets for our honeymoon. 1981 01:24:26,386 --> 01:24:27,641 I know you really wanted to go... 1982 01:24:27,721 --> 01:24:30,600 so I got these tickets a while ago to surprise you. 1983 01:24:30,957 --> 01:24:32,800 Surprise. 1984 01:24:32,959 --> 01:24:35,064 Aww! 1985 01:24:35,295 --> 01:24:36,797 Baby, you're so afraid of heights. 1986 01:24:37,431 --> 01:24:39,877 - Baby, I'm fucking terrified of heights. - Yeah. 1987 01:24:40,300 --> 01:24:42,422 But my biggest fear... 1988 01:24:42,502 --> 01:24:44,641 is to not be the husband that you deserve. 1989 01:24:45,939 --> 01:24:48,818 Baby, I'm sorry I fucked so much of this up... 1990 01:24:49,509 --> 01:24:50,631 but I promise that masseuse... 1991 01:24:50,711 --> 01:24:52,699 He didn't touch my lavender juice box. 1992 01:24:52,779 --> 01:24:54,623 Oh, God, baby. I love you. 1993 01:24:55,184 --> 01:24:56,925 And I know I want to marry you. 1994 01:24:57,252 --> 01:25:00,165 Today, if you'll still have me. 1995 01:25:00,656 --> 01:25:03,102 Babe, of course. Are you kidding me? 1996 01:25:06,562 --> 01:25:07,549 Kiss her. 1997 01:25:07,629 --> 01:25:09,472 Baby, I'm crazy about you. 1998 01:25:21,944 --> 01:25:22,945 Aww! 1999 01:25:23,679 --> 01:25:25,181 I want to marry you right now... 2000 01:25:25,347 --> 01:25:27,293 but, baby, we already canceled all the vendors. 2001 01:25:27,783 --> 01:25:29,524 I don't think they're going to let us get married here. 2002 01:25:31,086 --> 01:25:32,156 Leave that to us. 2003 01:25:33,623 --> 01:25:35,262 Leave that to all of us. 2004 01:25:36,594 --> 01:25:37,732 - Yeah! - Let's go, Mike. 2005 01:25:38,362 --> 01:25:39,932 This way! Oh, fuck! 2006 01:25:40,364 --> 01:25:41,843 We'll actually just head around. 2007 01:25:42,099 --> 01:25:43,578 - Girl. - I'm good. 2008 01:25:43,868 --> 01:25:45,323 So what part you like, brah? 2009 01:25:45,403 --> 01:25:47,558 - We need the whole pig. - I can't give you a whole pig. 2010 01:25:47,638 --> 01:25:49,174 But we need to feed 100 people. 2011 01:25:49,640 --> 01:25:52,463 Could we please, please have the wedding here? 2012 01:25:52,543 --> 01:25:54,580 For the last time, we're out of venues. 2013 01:25:54,712 --> 01:25:57,056 - Hold me back. Hold me back, please. - What? 2014 01:25:57,314 --> 01:25:58,336 Give us a place! 2015 01:25:58,416 --> 01:26:00,191 Everybody out of the way! 2016 01:26:00,384 --> 01:26:02,039 It's hot. So hot! 2017 01:26:02,119 --> 01:26:03,621 - Out of the fucking way! - I want my pig back! 2018 01:26:04,388 --> 01:26:06,177 What if I supplied all the liquor... 2019 01:26:06,257 --> 01:26:08,245 for every bar in this hotel... 2020 01:26:08,325 --> 01:26:10,915 at wholesale prices for the next three years? 2021 01:26:10,995 --> 01:26:12,873 - Deal. - Yes! Fuck yes! 2022 01:26:13,065 --> 01:26:14,339 I'll get you guys a venue. 2023 01:26:28,314 --> 01:26:29,315 Keith, get it together. 2024 01:26:29,649 --> 01:26:30,821 We need to move, move, move. 2025 01:26:31,050 --> 01:26:32,120 I'm doing my best. 2026 01:26:35,788 --> 01:26:36,892 Hell yeah! 2027 01:26:54,843 --> 01:26:57,420 And now... a reading... 2028 01:26:58,079 --> 01:27:00,218 from the children's book that I got in the lobby. 2029 01:27:00,515 --> 01:27:02,153 - Oh. - "Aloha moon. 2030 01:27:02,550 --> 01:27:04,223 "Aloha sea. 2031 01:27:04,385 --> 01:27:05,762 "Aloha you. 2032 01:27:06,387 --> 01:27:07,457 "Aloha me." 2033 01:27:07,755 --> 01:27:09,325 - I do. - I do. 2034 01:27:09,524 --> 01:27:10,867 By the power vested in me... 2035 01:27:11,059 --> 01:27:14,597 by the website www.beyourowndeacon.com... 2036 01:27:15,530 --> 01:27:18,773 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 2037 01:27:19,067 --> 01:27:20,855 Those assholes kind of did it. 2038 01:27:20,935 --> 01:27:22,346 Yeah. 2039 01:27:22,670 --> 01:27:24,343 Those assholes kind of did. 2040 01:27:24,506 --> 01:27:25,693 You may kiss the bride. 2041 01:27:25,773 --> 01:27:27,295 Okay. Kiss the bride. 2042 01:27:27,375 --> 01:27:28,513 Kiss the bride. 2043 01:27:35,852 --> 01:27:36,853 Yeah! 2044 01:27:49,266 --> 01:27:50,887 - You designed this? - Yeah. 2045 01:27:50,967 --> 01:27:53,356 Insane. We're at a wedding, it's in the shape of a heart. 2046 01:27:53,436 --> 01:27:54,991 That was a really good idea. 2047 01:27:55,071 --> 01:27:56,607 I have so many good ideas. 2048 01:27:56,873 --> 01:27:59,547 At my last job, I was on fire with ideas. 2049 01:27:59,643 --> 01:28:01,816 Huh? Actually, I need a new partner... 2050 01:28:02,145 --> 01:28:05,354 because Dave is bailing on me to draw things. 2051 01:28:05,815 --> 01:28:07,317 Would you wanna... 2052 01:28:07,551 --> 01:28:08,996 maybe come work for me? 2053 01:28:09,319 --> 01:28:10,321 Really? 2054 01:28:10,589 --> 01:28:12,000 What do you know about liquor? 2055 01:28:12,457 --> 01:28:15,301 Um, only that it's delicious and I love it. 2056 01:28:15,427 --> 01:28:17,182 And those are the two things you need to know. 2057 01:28:17,262 --> 01:28:20,539 - You are hired. - Great. When do I start? 2058 01:28:20,732 --> 01:28:21,972 You can start right away... 2059 01:28:22,434 --> 01:28:24,880 but just know that there will be some late nights. 2060 01:28:24,970 --> 01:28:26,643 Keep it in your pants, okay? 2061 01:28:27,005 --> 01:28:28,507 If we're going to work together, let's just... 2062 01:28:28,941 --> 01:28:30,477 keep it professional. 2063 01:28:31,076 --> 01:28:32,146 Okay. 2064 01:28:32,277 --> 01:28:34,533 - We'll keep it professional, then. - Good. 2065 01:28:34,613 --> 01:28:35,601 - All right. - Good. 2066 01:28:35,681 --> 01:28:36,702 - Okay. - Okay. 2067 01:28:36,782 --> 01:28:37,769 - Okay. - Yeah. 2068 01:28:37,849 --> 01:28:39,328 - Are you sure? - I don't know. 2069 01:28:40,752 --> 01:28:41,856 What? 2070 01:28:43,488 --> 01:28:44,967 - What'd you say? - What? 2071 01:28:45,490 --> 01:28:47,663 Love me tender 2072 01:28:48,327 --> 01:28:50,172 Love me sweet 2073 01:28:52,166 --> 01:28:53,577 Never let me go 2074 01:28:57,671 --> 01:29:01,744 You have made my life complete 2075 01:29:05,846 --> 01:29:06,847 I don't. 2076 01:29:10,084 --> 01:29:11,893 Love me tender 2077 01:29:12,753 --> 01:29:14,357 Love me true 2078 01:29:16,390 --> 01:29:19,269 All my dreams fulfilled 2079 01:29:23,230 --> 01:29:26,541 For my darlin' I love you 2080 01:29:26,834 --> 01:29:28,645 Tatiana said this was gonna happen. 2081 01:29:28,904 --> 01:29:29,992 You got my groove back. 2082 01:29:30,072 --> 01:29:31,093 Really? 2083 01:29:31,173 --> 01:29:32,982 That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me. 2084 01:29:39,982 --> 01:29:41,052 I like you. 2085 01:29:48,224 --> 01:29:49,579 Wait. There's people everywhere. 2086 01:29:49,659 --> 01:29:51,730 - Let them watch. - Mmm. Okay. 2087 01:29:54,063 --> 01:29:55,098 Whoa! 2088 01:29:55,631 --> 01:29:57,353 Hi, everyone. 2089 01:29:57,433 --> 01:29:59,845 Excuse us. Could we have your attention, please? 2090 01:30:01,237 --> 01:30:03,359 My husband and I... 2091 01:30:03,439 --> 01:30:07,163 want to thank four very incredible people... 2092 01:30:07,243 --> 01:30:09,020 for saving the day. 2093 01:30:09,313 --> 01:30:12,692 Mike and Dave have asked to say a few words... 2094 01:30:12,950 --> 01:30:14,739 so we would like to invite them up. 2095 01:30:14,819 --> 01:30:15,854 Come on, boys. 2096 01:30:17,622 --> 01:30:18,623 Thank you, Jeanie. 2097 01:30:19,257 --> 01:30:22,313 We never got to give our speech at the rehearsal dinner. 2098 01:30:22,393 --> 01:30:24,771 Because we ruined it. With fights. 2099 01:30:25,596 --> 01:30:27,132 But we just wanted everybody here to know... 2100 01:30:27,632 --> 01:30:29,134 exactly how we feel about you. 2101 01:30:29,600 --> 01:30:30,635 Lights. 2102 01:30:35,506 --> 01:30:37,612 Did you know this was coming? 2103 01:30:47,654 --> 01:30:52,125 You are so beautiful 2104 01:30:52,625 --> 01:30:55,071 So beautiful 2105 01:30:55,395 --> 01:30:56,396 Aww. 2106 01:30:58,331 --> 01:30:59,452 To me 2107 01:30:59,532 --> 01:31:00,636 Aww. 2108 01:31:01,701 --> 01:31:03,456 Can't you see? 2109 01:31:03,536 --> 01:31:05,243 You're so beautiful 2110 01:31:05,638 --> 01:31:07,208 This is real beautiful, man. 2111 01:31:07,507 --> 01:31:11,751 You're everything I hoped for 2112 01:31:12,145 --> 01:31:14,401 - In a little sister! - Oh! 2113 01:31:14,481 --> 01:31:18,238 You're everything I need 2114 01:31:18,318 --> 01:31:21,390 Everything that I need 2115 01:31:22,455 --> 01:31:23,866 They're kind of good. 2116 01:31:23,957 --> 01:31:25,732 You are so beautiful 2117 01:31:26,361 --> 01:31:27,635 As a couple. Right guys? 2118 01:31:28,296 --> 01:31:29,502 Oh! 2119 01:31:29,698 --> 01:31:30,768 To me 2120 01:31:32,200 --> 01:31:33,804 And to you. 2121 01:31:34,269 --> 01:31:35,805 And to you. To all of us. 2122 01:31:35,904 --> 01:31:37,383 You're beautiful, Jeanie! 2123 01:31:41,543 --> 01:31:43,022 Dave, everybody. 2124 01:31:43,545 --> 01:31:45,081 He's gonna draw! 2125 01:31:45,413 --> 01:31:46,653 Love you! 2126 01:31:47,949 --> 01:31:49,053 So sweet. 2127 01:31:49,317 --> 01:31:50,939 Thought they were gonna blow it. They did not. 2128 01:31:51,019 --> 01:31:52,020 That's good. 2129 01:31:52,387 --> 01:31:55,061 This is how we do it 2130 01:31:57,025 --> 01:31:58,698 This is how we do it 2131 01:32:01,730 --> 01:32:03,903 This is how we do it 2132 01:32:04,232 --> 01:32:06,145 This is how we do it 2133 01:32:06,336 --> 01:32:07,758 It's Friday night 2134 01:32:07,838 --> 01:32:08,839 Oh, you don't throw... 2135 01:32:08,939 --> 01:32:10,145 And I feel all right 2136 01:32:10,874 --> 01:32:13,197 The party's here on the west side 2137 01:32:13,277 --> 01:32:15,733 So I reach for my forty and I turn it up 2138 01:32:15,813 --> 01:32:18,020 Designated driver got the keys to my truck 2139 01:32:18,115 --> 01:32:20,254 - Hit the shore 'cause I'm faded - Faded 2140 01:32:20,350 --> 01:32:21,338 Honey on the streets saying 2141 01:32:21,418 --> 01:32:22,522 Monty, yo, we made it 2142 01:32:22,686 --> 01:32:24,808 I'm kinda buzzed and it's all because 2143 01:32:24,888 --> 01:32:26,731 This is how we do it 2144 01:32:26,824 --> 01:32:29,327 South Central does it like nobody does 2145 01:32:29,560 --> 01:32:31,081 This is how we do it 2146 01:32:31,161 --> 01:32:32,149 All right. 2147 01:32:32,229 --> 01:32:36,441 To all my neighbors, you got much flavor This is how we do it 2148 01:32:36,667 --> 01:32:39,944 # StangleBenoit2016. 2149 01:32:40,771 --> 01:32:42,648 Hell yeah! 2150 01:32:43,707 --> 01:32:44,983 Oh, God! 2151 01:32:45,377 --> 01:32:46,412 Well... 2152 01:32:47,746 --> 01:32:49,350 I picked a bad pose, guys. 2153 01:32:49,849 --> 01:32:50,884 Fireworks! 2154 01:32:51,951 --> 01:32:53,555 These are for you, Jeanie! 2155 01:32:54,720 --> 01:32:56,666 Fireworks close the show! 2156 01:32:58,724 --> 01:33:00,499 Those are from China, those fireworks. 2157 01:33:15,241 --> 01:33:17,551 You idiots! You fucking... 2158 01:33:30,391 --> 01:33:31,879 This is cool. 2159 01:33:31,959 --> 01:33:33,495 I didn't know you could do it this way. 2160 01:33:33,628 --> 01:33:34,971 Oh... 2161 01:33:37,765 --> 01:33:38,820 I'm done. 2162 01:33:38,900 --> 01:33:40,555 Fuck. Holy shit. 2163 01:33:40,635 --> 01:33:41,656 Okay. 2164 01:33:41,736 --> 01:33:43,238 That was great. Good job. 2165 01:33:57,551 --> 01:33:59,273 I'm so behind right now on Game of Thrones. 2166 01:33:59,353 --> 01:34:02,779 I don't even know what's happening with Khaleesi and her Dothraki boyfriend. 2167 01:34:02,859 --> 01:34:05,703 Okay. Well he's dead, and so is Jon Snow. 2168 01:34:05,795 --> 01:34:06,916 Jon Snow? 2169 01:34:06,996 --> 01:34:08,873 Fuck that dude. I'm taller than him anyways. 2170 01:34:08,998 --> 01:34:10,477 Saw him. 2171 01:34:11,234 --> 01:34:14,644 I just found out some spelunker went dunkin' in your bunker. 2172 01:34:16,239 --> 01:34:19,395 You are fresh as a fucking dick in the morning. 2173 01:34:19,475 --> 01:34:20,964 That's not that fresh. 2174 01:34:21,044 --> 01:34:23,456 Have you ever sucked a dick in the morning? 2175 01:34:23,880 --> 01:34:26,302 I brush my teeth with dick, girl. 2176 01:34:26,382 --> 01:34:28,758 - Alright... - What? 2177 01:34:28,851 --> 01:34:30,523 Oh. Fox don't like that joke? 2178 01:34:32,121 --> 01:34:34,328 I'm gonna throw up. You look like meat! 2179 01:34:34,424 --> 01:34:35,903 Inner dialogue, inner dialogue. 2180 01:34:36,025 --> 01:34:37,547 I once got lockjaw so bad 2181 01:34:37,627 --> 01:34:39,300 that I was sucking a homeless man's thumb. 2182 01:34:39,395 --> 01:34:40,917 Dave actually had to come get me from the hospital... 2183 01:34:40,997 --> 01:34:44,789 because they found 13 Pokemon pugs and a skimmer... 2184 01:34:44,869 --> 01:34:46,246 shoved up my butthole. 2185 01:34:46,438 --> 01:34:48,782 I just had to wait to poop them out. 2186 01:34:49,441 --> 01:34:51,045 Pikachu. 2187 01:34:51,609 --> 01:34:52,815 Pikachu. 2188 01:34:53,478 --> 01:34:54,684 Charmander. 2189 01:34:55,046 --> 01:34:58,925 That's okay. No, no. Keep your dick in. 2190 01:35:00,652 --> 01:35:02,941 For most of my life, I thought goat cheese... 2191 01:35:03,021 --> 01:35:06,059 was a slang term for cheese that's gone bad. 2192 01:35:06,157 --> 01:35:09,414 I'd see moldy cheese and I'd be, like, "Dude, that cheese is goat." 2193 01:35:09,494 --> 01:35:11,303 Like, "Get that goat cheese off the counter." 2194 01:35:11,529 --> 01:35:14,085 You look like a deconstructed taco. 2195 01:35:14,165 --> 01:35:15,200 Like carnival food. 2196 01:35:15,333 --> 01:35:18,314 Like the waffle that the chef would just go, "We're throwing that away." 2197 01:35:18,436 --> 01:35:20,443 What are we doing? 2198 01:35:42,796 --> 01:35:45,640 And the home 2199 01:35:47,200 --> 01:35:50,272 Of the 2200 01:35:52,205 --> 01:35:55,277 Brave 2201 01:35:57,778 --> 01:35:59,223 Play ball, Mike. 2202 01:36:05,187 --> 01:36:07,309 You know we saw my nigga 2203 01:36:07,389 --> 01:36:09,845 Mike and me forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2204 01:36:09,925 --> 01:36:12,514 Stang life, getting rich Selling fucking liquor quick 2205 01:36:12,594 --> 01:36:14,870 Mike and me forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2206 01:36:14,963 --> 01:36:17,920 Stang life I will never die I'm a Stangle, bitch 2207 01:36:18,000 --> 01:36:20,622 Hunchback of Notre D on the B 2208 01:36:20,702 --> 01:36:23,759 Flying fucking girls to my sister's wedding at the beach 2209 01:36:23,839 --> 01:36:27,582 Now we in first class seats Couldn't hold me back, G 2210 01:36:28,043 --> 01:36:32,401 Jeanie Stangie being wild Sippin' Cristal, sippin', sippin' Cristal 2211 01:36:32,481 --> 01:36:33,569 Sippin', sippin' Cristal 2212 01:36:33,649 --> 01:36:35,458 Jeanie, Jeanie, Jeanie Beanie Weanie 2213 01:36:35,584 --> 01:36:38,574 Gettin' married with Eric Guaranteed he's got a big, big weenie 2214 01:36:38,654 --> 01:36:41,946 I'm proud of my little sister Proud that she got a wedding ring 2215 01:36:42,026 --> 01:36:45,483 And a necklace, Eric you're my brother now So that means I'm kinda black 2216 01:36:45,563 --> 01:36:47,372 Oh, wait. Not really. I'm white, man. 2217 01:36:47,465 --> 01:36:49,120 I'm just happy to be related to you, honestly. 2218 01:36:49,200 --> 01:36:50,421 - Shout out to Eric. - Eric! 2219 01:36:50,501 --> 01:36:52,823 I be like Superman, let me out the cage 2220 01:36:52,903 --> 01:36:55,126 I got out of my cast and I flipped the page 2221 01:36:55,206 --> 01:36:57,795 And now I'm drawing comic books like I used to do 2222 01:36:57,875 --> 01:37:01,298 Kinda cool, Little sister Jeanie getting married too 2223 01:37:01,378 --> 01:37:03,701 Mike and Dave forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2224 01:37:03,781 --> 01:37:06,337 Stang life, getting rich, selling fucking liquor quick 2225 01:37:06,417 --> 01:37:08,806 Mike, Mike and Dave forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2226 01:37:08,886 --> 01:37:11,675 Stan g life I will never die, I'm a Stangle, bitch 2227 01:37:11,755 --> 01:37:13,778 Yeah, we put the wedding back together 2228 01:37:13,858 --> 01:37:16,532 First we broke it up but we made it better 2229 01:37:17,094 --> 01:37:19,719 Nobody makes fun of me in any way 2230 01:37:19,799 --> 01:37:22,780 'Cause I got Mike by my side, and you know what he say 2231 01:37:22,935 --> 01:37:25,358 Scoliosis, now I'm fucking yo bitch 2232 01:37:25,438 --> 01:37:27,994 Scoliosis, now I'm fuckin' two chicks 2233 01:37:28,074 --> 01:37:30,463 Scoliosis, vroom vroom vroom 2234 01:37:30,543 --> 01:37:32,698 Comin' through the jungle at you like boom 2235 01:37:32,778 --> 01:37:35,334 Mike and Dave Stangle on the ATV 2236 01:37:35,414 --> 01:37:37,937 - We're gonna die - It's my girls and me 2237 01:37:38,017 --> 01:37:39,963 My crew and us, we just cruisin' 2238 01:37:40,119 --> 01:37:43,142 Doin' fuckin' backflips off jumps guaranteed 2239 01:37:43,222 --> 01:37:44,895 Ran over my sister's face 2240 01:37:45,057 --> 01:37:46,365 - It was kinda wack - My bad 2241 01:37:46,526 --> 01:37:48,648 But you know what? We came back from that 2242 01:37:48,728 --> 01:37:50,917 You're getting married now and it's okay 2243 01:37:50,997 --> 01:37:53,653 You're soiurassic, you're so fantastic 2244 01:37:53,733 --> 01:37:55,822 Mike and Dave forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2245 01:37:55,902 --> 01:37:58,426 Stan g life, getting rich, selling fucking liquor quick 2246 01:37:58,506 --> 01:38:01,029 Mike, Mike and Dave forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2247 01:38:01,109 --> 01:38:02,884 Stang life, I will never die 2248 01:38:02,977 --> 01:38:04,299 I'm a Stangle, bitch 2249 01:38:04,379 --> 01:38:06,416 My boy Dave, puttin' pen to paper 2250 01:38:07,582 --> 01:38:09,619 Trying to get this damn label off 2251 01:38:10,318 --> 01:38:11,661 Like Aftermath? 2252 01:38:12,353 --> 01:38:14,355 Vanilla Ice remodeled my house 2253 01:38:14,556 --> 01:38:16,978 Told Dave and I we should start rappin' 2254 01:38:17,058 --> 01:38:20,062 My brother's the best white rapper ...Eminem!