1
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[ERIC VASQUEZ'S "DOWNTOWN CHRISTMAS"
PLAYING]

2
00:00:38,456 --> 00:00:42,793
<i>MAN [SINGING]: When it's cold out, baby
Put a jacket on for the chill</i>

3
00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:48,132
<i>I got a bright red sleigh
Playing "Jingle Bells," what a thrill</i>

4
00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:53,512
<i>I'm gonna shake it downtown
We got Christmastime to kill</i>

5
00:00:54,597 --> 00:00:58,976
<i>It's a downtown Christmas
Baby, take a ride with me</i>

6
00:00:59,769 --> 00:01:04,398
<i>Yeah, it's a downtown Christmas
Baby, take a ride with me</i>

7
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:09,945
<i>On a cold Christmas night
Downtown is where I wanna be</i>

8
00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:11,614
[ALARM BEEPING]

9
00:01:11,781 --> 00:01:13,282
[MUSIC CONTINUES
OVER SPEAKER]

10
00:01:13,449 --> 00:01:15,743
<i>They got no lights to see</i>

11
00:01:15,910 --> 00:01:18,496
<i>Heading southbound, baby
They got no--</i>

12
00:01:18,662 --> 00:01:19,997
[ALARM AND MUSIC STOP]

13
00:01:22,291 --> 00:01:26,087
Dad. Hey, Dad. Time to wake up.

14
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:27,463
Dad.

15
00:01:27,630 --> 00:01:30,216
Where's the button
on that snooze alarm?

16
00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:31,926
Is that it? Where is it?
Heh-heh.

17
00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:34,845
I'm not the snooze alarm.

18
00:01:35,346 --> 00:01:38,432
Are you excited? It's time to go ice fishing.

19
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:43,521
I am excited. I'm gonna sleep on it,
figure out what we're gonna do with it.

20
00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:44,688
[SIGHS]

21
00:01:46,482 --> 00:01:49,360
Remember?
The early bird gets the worm.

22
00:01:49,527 --> 00:01:52,363
And I think we know what happens
to that worm.

23
00:01:52,530 --> 00:01:55,407
It gets gobbled up and eaten.

24
00:01:56,534 --> 00:01:59,703
Don't make me.
All right, then.

25
00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:02,289
Ugh.

26
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:05,668
All right. Now you've done it.
You know what you just did?

27
00:02:07,211 --> 00:02:11,132
You just awakened the giant abominable yeti.
And you know what he feeds on?

28
00:02:11,549 --> 00:02:13,300
Cookies?
No.

29
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:16,137
He feeds on tickles!

30
00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:17,888
[BOTH LAUGHING]

31
00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:22,226
They feed on tickles.
Come on, then. Let's go fishing.

32
00:02:22,393 --> 00:02:24,562
[CHEERING]

33
00:02:25,855 --> 00:02:28,732
["MELE KALIKIMAKA" PLAYING
OVER CAR STEREO]

34
00:02:35,364 --> 00:02:38,784
BOTH <i>[SINGING]:
Mele Kalikimaka is the thing to say</i>

35
00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:42,037
<i>On a bright Hawaiian Christmas Day</i>

36
00:02:42,746 --> 00:02:43,747
My turn.

37
00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:47,710
<i>That's the island greeting
That we send to you</i>

38
00:02:47,877 --> 00:02:52,673
<i>From the land where palm trees sway</i>

39
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:56,594
<i>Here we know that Christmas
Will be green and bright</i>

40
00:02:56,760 --> 00:03:01,056
<i>The sun will shine all day
And all the stars at night</i>

41
00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:05,436
<i>Mele Kalikimaka
ls Hawaii's way</i>

42
00:03:05,603 --> 00:03:09,190
<i>To say merry Christmas to you</i>

43
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:10,900
Take it away, Dad.

44
00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:12,693
[SCATTING]

45
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,236
WOMAN <i>[SINGING]:
The thing to say</i>

46
00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:15,446
[GIGGLING]

47
00:03:15,613 --> 00:03:19,283
<i>Hawaiian Christmas day</i>

48
00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:23,454
<i>That's the island greeting
That we send to you</i>

49
00:03:23,621 --> 00:03:27,625
<i>From the land where palm trees sway</i>

50
00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:30,961
NOEL: Dad, I wish you could've been
at Mommy's wedding.

51
00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:35,799
You should've seen Mom's engagement ring.
The diamond was huge.

52
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:39,803
And during the wedding,
I got to hand Mom her ring.

53
00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:43,474
I know, and you've been telling me all week.
That's awesome.

54
00:03:43,641 --> 00:03:46,435
If your Mommy's happy, I'm super happy.

55
00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:48,979
Yeah, she's super happy.

56
00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:51,649
And Victor's awesome, don't you think?

57
00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:55,819
Yeah, he's awesome.
Hey, you wanna know what else is awesome?

58
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:59,156
Yeah.
Watch this. What am I?

59
00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:02,785
Heh-heh. A walrus with tooth decay?

60
00:04:02,952 --> 00:04:04,203
[BOTH LAUGH]

61
00:04:04,370 --> 00:04:08,332
Walrus with tooth decay. You're funny.
Hey, you want a Cheez Doodle?

62
00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:10,000
For breakfast?

63
00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:12,711
No, not for breakfast.
You don't eat that for breakfast.

64
00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:14,505
You eat a Twinkie for breakfast.

65
00:04:14,672 --> 00:04:16,006
[LARRY CHUCKLES]

66
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:19,802
What's wrong? What's wrong?
It's a Twinkie.

67
00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:25,683
Hey, Dad?
How come you and Mom didn't stay married?

68
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:30,938
Well, sweetie,
I still love your mom and everything...

69
00:04:31,105 --> 00:04:32,314
...and we're good friends.

70
00:04:32,481 --> 00:04:33,524
I know.

71
00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:36,318
You know, she likes classical music
and petite fours...

72
00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:39,363
...and I like ice fishing and Twinkies and...

73
00:04:39,530 --> 00:04:42,783
Plus, she's real organized
and ambitious and driven...

74
00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:46,537
...and, well, I'm me.

75
00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:48,664
I like ice fishing...

76
00:04:48,831 --> 00:04:54,169
...and Twinkies and classical music
and petite fours.

77
00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:59,091
Ha-ha. I know.
And that's why you're my little girl.

78
00:04:59,258 --> 00:05:00,718
I think I got one.
No way.

79
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:03,846
Are you kidding? I haven't caught
anything here in six years.

80
00:05:04,013 --> 00:05:05,723
Look, there it is.

81
00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:18,360
LARRY:
Well, here we are. Victor's place.

82
00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:21,447
NOEL:
Wow, I can't believe I'm going to live here.

83
00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:23,699
It's like a palace.

84
00:05:23,866 --> 00:05:26,994
Hey, I guess that makes me a princess.

85
00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:30,039
LARRY:
Yeah, well, looks like that makes me the troll.

86
00:05:30,205 --> 00:05:31,957
[NOEL GIGGLES]

87
00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:35,210
Hurry, Victor. They're here.

88
00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:38,505
VICTOR: Hey, there she is.
Mommy! Welcome home!

89
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:41,175
I missed you.
Look at you. You look bigger.

90
00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:43,218
Mommy and Victor.
What's up, tiger?

91
00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:44,428
NOEL:
Hi, Victor.

92
00:05:46,138 --> 00:05:48,682
VICTOR: Hey, buddy.
Well. Hey, welcome home.

93
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:51,769
Hi, Larry.
VICTOR: Hey.

94
00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:56,023
Did you two have a good time together?
Of course. Look at her. She's a princess.

95
00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:58,400
We had fun, didn't we?
We had tons of fun.

96
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:02,946
We went skating, we went sledding,
we played hockey...

97
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:06,075
...and today we went ice fishing.

98
00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:08,202
Ice fishing? How outdoorsy.
Yeah.

99
00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:11,830
And I caught a fish. Show him, Daddy.
Sure did. Look, that's a trout.

100
00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:14,124
Ah!
Look at that. Look how fat that is.

101
00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:16,418
Ha, ha. That's a big one.
Might even be pregnant.

102
00:06:16,585 --> 00:06:19,713
How was the honeymoon?
Oh, fantastic.

103
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:23,759
A week in Saint Croix,
another sailing around the islands.

104
00:06:24,343 --> 00:06:25,886
Victor has his own boat.

105
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:27,096
Wow.

106
00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:29,556
So I guess
it was your second-best honeymoon.

107
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:33,310
I think you forget ours, huh?
Sizzler and a movie.

108
00:06:33,477 --> 00:06:34,645
Huh?

109
00:06:34,812 --> 00:06:37,231
That was some good steak.
Yes. That's the big time.

110
00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:40,651
Well, I'm not gonna brag about it.
Congratulations, Victor.

111
00:06:40,818 --> 00:06:41,944
Thank you.

112
00:06:42,111 --> 00:06:46,824
Now when she refers to her idiot husband,
she'll be talking about you instead of me.

113
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:48,409
TRISH [LAUGHING]:
Larry.

114
00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:52,538
LARRY: You just getting going
on your decorations? Little late.

115
00:06:52,704 --> 00:06:55,332
Well, Trish told me
how much Noel loves Christmas.

116
00:06:55,499 --> 00:06:58,001
I love it!
Ha-ha.

117
00:06:58,168 --> 00:07:01,338
You may have gone a little overboard.
No.

118
00:07:03,215 --> 00:07:06,844
TRISH: So, what do you think?
NOEL: Wow.

119
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:10,806
It's so pretty.
Anything for you, sugarplum.

120
00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:14,518
It's our first Christmas together.
I wanted it to be a memorable one.

121
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:16,687
NOEL:
Mmm.

122
00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:19,481
Sugar cookies. Oh.
TRISH: Oh, after you wash your hands.

123
00:07:20,274 --> 00:07:23,068
Yeah, you gotta get
that fish smell off of there.

124
00:07:23,235 --> 00:07:27,531
Larry, how about a cup of coffee?
Hey, I could go for that. I'd love it. Love coffee.

125
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:30,993
Victor, how about I take that?
Please. Thank you.

126
00:07:34,538 --> 00:07:36,498
[EXHALES]

127
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,460
So how's the business?
How's business?

128
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:40,794
You go first.
You do it.

129
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:44,214
How's the trucking business?
Part-time, right?

130
00:07:44,548 --> 00:07:47,301
Well, yeah, it's part-time.
But see, that's how I like it.

131
00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:49,136
Part-time is good.

132
00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:54,183
That gives me more time
to spend with my daughter.

133
00:07:56,435 --> 00:07:59,897
So how's the, uh, cardboard-box
business treating you?

134
00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:01,106
VICTOR:
Great.

135
00:08:01,273 --> 00:08:03,901
Baxter Box Company
is up 20 percent this year.

136
00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:05,527
Online sales are booming.

137
00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,529
I mean, all those packages...

138
00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:10,491
Are you kidding me?
...have to be shipped somewhere, right?

139
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:15,871
My grandfather would be proud.
Yup. I built Baxter Box into an empire.

140
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:21,168
What's this little deal right here? That little box.
What, do you add water, and it gets bigger?

141
00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:23,128
[CHUCKLES]

142
00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:27,341
It's a little something I had made for the holidays
to give the workers at the company.

143
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,760
You know what? Take it.
It's my gift to you.

144
00:08:29,927 --> 00:08:32,221
Really?
Yeah.

145
00:08:32,930 --> 00:08:37,226
It's, uh-- It's for decoration.
You can display it on your desk.

146
00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:39,686
Well, I don't got a desk.

147
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:48,695
TRISH: Coffee's ready.
Oh, yes.

148
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:53,200
LARRY: Yeah, boy, <i>I'll</i> tell you what, I could go
for a steaming cup of joe about right now.

149
00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:55,202
TRISH:
She goes back to school January 5th.

150
00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:59,289
So for the rest of Noel's vacation,
we'll just alternate days, as always...

151
00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:02,000
...with me and Victor
getting Christmas Eve this year...

152
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:03,919
...and you getting Christmas Day.

153
00:09:04,086 --> 00:09:08,382
Yeah, that sounds good. I'm in.
That's-- Wait. He gets Christmas Day?

154
00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:10,509
Yeah.
Well, we switch off every year.

155
00:09:10,676 --> 00:09:12,803
Alternate.
This year it's Larry's turn.

156
00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:14,012
I understand that.

157
00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:17,391
It's just, you know,
it's our first Christmas as a family.

158
00:09:17,558 --> 00:09:19,977
I just thought we'd be together. First one.

159
00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:21,395
Even
LARRY: Vic. Victor.

160
00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:24,648
I get her one year, you get the next year.
That's how it operates.

161
00:09:24,815 --> 00:09:28,068
Of course. I just--
It's Christmas Day, you know?

162
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,654
Christmas morning.
The presents under the tree.

163
00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:35,075
Opening gifts.
The Christmas dinner with all the trimmings.

164
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:37,995
I got trimmings. I make delicious trimmings.

165
00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:40,414
Why can't I just do both?

166
00:09:40,956 --> 00:09:45,252
Spend half of Christmas with Dad
and then go to Mom and Victor's.

167
00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:48,297
That's a great idea.

168
00:09:49,715 --> 00:09:52,301
Come on, Dad. Please, Dad?

169
00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:56,179
Please?

170
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:59,766
All right. We'll think of something.
All right? We'll figure it out.

171
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:03,478
Go play. Okay, honey?
Yay! I get two Christmases.

172
00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:07,107
[CLEARS THROAT]

173
00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:10,360
<i>TRISH:
Sorry, Larry.</i>

174
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:12,821
Victor's just so excited
about being a stepdad.

175
00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:15,407
He wants to spend as much time
as possible with Noel.

176
00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:19,202
Well, what's done is done.

177
00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:22,998
I'll tell you what. We'll go ahead and
have Christmas number one at my house.

178
00:10:23,165 --> 00:10:26,585
Then <i>I'll</i> bring her over here, and you
guys can have Christmas number two.

179
00:10:26,752 --> 00:10:28,211
Thanks, Larry.

180
00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:31,923
And <i>I'll</i> talk to Victor about how
to handle these things in the future.

181
00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:34,051
All right.
Dad, wait!

182
00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:38,055
Victor's gonna put on the Christmas lights.
You ready? Come on. Honey, let's go.

183
00:10:38,597 --> 00:10:39,681
Here we go. Ready?

184
00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:43,477
One, two, three.

185
00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:45,896
NOEL:
Wow.

186
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:47,564
VICTOR:
Wow.

187
00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:49,983
TRISH:
Oh, Victor, that's amazing.

188
00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:53,904
Dad, have you ever seen something
so beautiful?

189
00:10:54,071 --> 00:10:57,532
Yeah, it's something, all right.
It is something, that's for sure.

190
00:10:57,699 --> 00:11:01,745
This is going to be
the best Christmas ever!

191
00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:03,872
[VICTOR AND TRISH CHUCKLE]

192
00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:08,335
See y'all later.
NOEL: Good night, Daddy.

193
00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:09,753
LARRY:
Good night, darling.

194
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:13,048
Hey, Ben Franklin.
You got a bulb out. Ha-ha!

195
00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:15,384
[VICTOR CHORTLES
AND TRISH SIGHS]

196
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:17,260
It's all right, honey.
You did good.

197
00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,429
[CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING]

198
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:21,264
<i>MAN [SINGING]:
Can't wait for Christmas</i>

199
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:24,017
<i>And the lights on the Christmas tree</i>

200
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:25,811
[BELL RINGS]

201
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:27,896
CLAUDE:
No way.

202
00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:32,234
He actually called her "my little sugarplum"?
Yeah. I was standing right there.

203
00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:33,568
Wow.

204
00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:37,614
Even I know that's a violation
of daddy-stepdaddy protocol.

205
00:11:37,781 --> 00:11:40,409
You gonna kick his butt,
like you did Kip Kornhausen?

206
00:11:40,575 --> 00:11:44,204
Heh. Kip Kornhausen?
Oh, man. Bud, that was in third grade.

207
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:47,457
I'm not gonna kick his butt.
I'm gonna teach him a lesson, though.

208
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:48,959
[CHUCKLES]

209
00:11:49,126 --> 00:11:52,921
When it comes to Christmas spirit, ha-ha,
I'm fit to be Victor's worst nightmare.

210
00:11:53,088 --> 00:11:57,634
WOMAN <i>[ON TV]: But the toy every little girl
and boy wants for Christmas...</i>

211
00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:59,761
<i>...is Harrison the Talking Bear.</i>

212
00:11:59,928 --> 00:12:00,971
Check this out.

213
00:12:01,138 --> 00:12:02,931
<i>Using a sophisticated computer chip...</i>

214
00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:07,477
<i>...Harrison can learn up to 300 words,
including a child's name.</i>

215
00:12:08,603 --> 00:12:10,605
HARRISON:
Hi, <i>I</i> 'm Harrison.

216
00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:13,150
<i>What's your name?
Margo.</i>

217
00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:18,071
<i>Nice to meet you, Margo.
Let's be friends.</i>

218
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:21,283
<i>MARGO: Well, if you want one
in time for Christmas, you'd better hurry.</i>

219
00:12:21,450 --> 00:12:26,079
<i>Supplies are limited and not expected to last.
I wish I</i> had <i>one of those</i> when <i>I</i> was a <i>kid.</i>

220
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,873
COOK: Order up.
There it is right there.

221
00:12:28,039 --> 00:12:31,460
Christmas lights, a hundred foot for $32.99.

222
00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:34,296
So if I wanna get as many
as Victor's got.

223
00:12:34,463 --> 00:12:36,965
Let's see. That's gonna run me about, uh...

224
00:12:37,132 --> 00:12:40,677
...heh, a liver and two kidneys.

225
00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:42,137
Ha-ha. Oh, boy.

226
00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:44,431
He's gonna have
a winter wonderland over there.

227
00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:48,185
And I can't really compete with his wallet,
so I'm gonna have to use my head.

228
00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:50,771
<i>I'll</i> take the wallet,
first-round knockout.

229
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:54,191
Thanks for the vote of confidence there, Mags.
It's on the house, Larry.

230
00:12:54,357 --> 00:12:55,525
[CHUCKLES]

231
00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:01,364
Wait a minute. I got a great idea. Come on.

232
00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:07,537
LARRY:
Well, that about does it.

233
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:10,791
We're all done. That's it.
That's the last part.

234
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:14,419
You know, using these used
car parts, Larry, was a great idea.

235
00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:17,005
This is gonna look amazing.
Darn right it will.

236
00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:19,591
Victor can put that in his wallet
and sit on it.

237
00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:23,970
You're not gonna find better Christmas lights
than that anywhere, not even at Kmart.

238
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:26,681
Speaking of the devil.
Well, lookie here.

239
00:13:29,226 --> 00:13:30,894
Ha-ha. This is gonna be fun.

240
00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:34,064
Hi, Daddy- LARRY: Hey.

241
00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:35,315
What's this?

242
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:41,071
Looks like you're using a lot
of electricity, Larry.

243
00:13:41,238 --> 00:13:44,407
You sure this thing is safe?
Of course it is. I rigged it myself.

244
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:47,369
Obviously it's safe.
All right.

245
00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:50,163
Oh, for Pete's sake.

246
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,500
Claude, would you get up here?

247
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:55,043
All right.

248
00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:57,921
In honor of Christmas and Noel...

249
00:13:58,088 --> 00:13:59,881
...I bring to everybody...

250
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:03,260
...Larry's spectacular parade of lights.

251
00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:04,886
Music please, Claude.

252
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:08,348
[ROYAL CHORAL SOCIETY'S "HALLELUJAH"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]

253
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:10,600
Heh, heh, heh. All right.

254
00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:14,938
[ALL GASP AND LARRY CHUCKLES]

255
00:14:15,105 --> 00:14:19,109
LARRY: That ought to be in some kind
of a home-and-garden magazine right there.

256
00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:21,236
That's unbelievable.

257
00:14:21,403 --> 00:14:23,405
[ALL GASPING]

258
00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:24,865
TRISH:
Ooh.

259
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:27,033
NOEL:
Wow.

260
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:31,288
[TRISH GASPS
AND LARRY GRUNTS]

261
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:34,749
LARRY:
What do you think of that, sweetheart?

262
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:36,751
It's awesome.
It's glorious.

263
00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:40,797
Ha-ha-ha.
And now I present to you the grand finale.

264
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:45,385
As they say in France,
the piece of the resistance.

265
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:46,970
[CHUCKLES]

266
00:14:48,305 --> 00:14:49,973
[LARRY SCREAMING]

267
00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:51,766
[THUDDING,
THEN LARRY GROANS]

268
00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:53,727
Daddy!

269
00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:56,396
Daddy?
Larry. are you okay?

270
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,148
[GROANING]

271
00:14:58,315 --> 00:14:59,941
Am I in heaven?

272
00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:05,238
Ugh. Hi, Victor. Oh.

273
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:10,118
LARRY: Sorry there was a power outage
so we couldn't make pancakes this morning...

274
00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:12,329
...or bake Christmas cookies last night.

275
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:14,915
It's okay.
I can bake cookies with Chef Philippe.

276
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:16,833
Who's Chef Philippe?

277
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,127
Chef? HE'S Victor's chef.

278
00:15:19,294 --> 00:15:23,340
Heh. <i>I'll</i> bet Victor's chef ain't got
Fruity Pebbles. How's them Fruity Pebbles?

279
00:15:23,506 --> 00:15:24,758
Delish.
Heh-heh.

280
00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:26,676
That's right. They're delicious.

281
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:30,972
Dad, I think we need a new holiday tree.

282
00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:34,559
What's wrong with that one? That's one
of them little Charlie Brown trees.

283
00:15:34,726 --> 00:15:36,478
He's so cute.

284
00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:37,938
[SNIFFS]

285
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:41,107
I like the smell of Mommy
and Victor's better.

286
00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:47,238
And it doesn't have enough room
for presents.

287
00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:52,285
Why don't you and me go shopping
for a big old Christmas tree.

288
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,663
Yay! Cool beans!

289
00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:57,248
NOEL:
Can I have this one?

290
00:15:57,415 --> 00:16:00,877
It's almost as big as the one that
Mommy and Victor have at their house.

291
00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:04,381
Yeah, but, honey, that thing's $300.
I mean, that's crazy.

292
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:07,550
For $300 it ought to already
have presents underneath it.

293
00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:08,927
[GIGGLES]

294
00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:11,888
Sugar, picking a Christmas tree
is like picking a boyfriend.

295
00:16:12,055 --> 00:16:14,349
Trust me.
You can't just settle on the first one.

296
00:16:14,516 --> 00:16:17,185
Or the second one or the third
or the fourth or the fifth.

297
00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:21,773
Okay, I get it, Dad.
Hey, can I get apple cider?

298
00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:24,859
I'll tell you what, that's the best
idea I've heard all day.

299
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:27,988
Here you go.
Get me one if it's not $300.

300
00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:29,322
<i>Okay -</i>

301
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:36,746
So you like what you see?

302
00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:39,582
Uh...

303
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:41,793
I plead the Fifth.
Ha-ha-ha.

304
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:45,046
Well, we have a wide variety of trees here.
I see.

305
00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,465
If you want a fir tree,
we've got Douglas fir...

306
00:16:47,632 --> 00:16:51,094
...we've got noble fir, we've got
concolor fir, we've got Canaan fir.

307
00:16:51,261 --> 00:16:54,931
Hey, you look more like a pine guy to me.
Do I look like a pine guy?

308
00:16:55,098 --> 00:16:56,099
Uh-huh.

309
00:16:56,266 --> 00:17:00,937
Here I thought I was more of a concolor.
Boy, all these years I've been living a lie.

310
00:17:01,104 --> 00:17:03,857
Well, we have white pine,
Virginia pine and Scotch pine.

311
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:08,445
So, what's your pleasure?
I want something very special and cheap.

312
00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:09,779
Special and cheap?
Yeah.

313
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:13,867
Well, the ones that are cheaper
tend to be on the more sparse side.

314
00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:17,370
But you can cover it up if you flock it.
Flock?

315
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,914
This one right here is only $165.

316
00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:22,292
Hundred and sixty-five dollars.

317
00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:25,211
How much is the flocking?
Oh, the flocking's free.

318
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:28,423
You know what? <i>I'll</i> just take the flocking.
Heh-heh.

319
00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:32,135
WOMAN: You could go for this guy over here.
He might be more in your price range.

320
00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:36,139
What in tarnation is that thing?

321
00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:41,478
WOMAN: That is a special-order
50-foot Norway spruce shipped from Maine.

322
00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:44,689
Fifty-foot.
It costs $10,000.

323
00:17:44,856 --> 00:17:46,983
Ten thousand dollars.
Heh, heh.

324
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:50,820
What kind of blockhead buys
a Christmas tree for $10,000?

325
00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:55,158
Okay. Yeah, yeah. That's great.
LARRY: Oh. Never mind.

326
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:58,703
Hey, can you give me a second?
I wanna check that tree out.

327
00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:01,081
Sure.
That's something else.

328
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:02,248
[GROANS]

329
00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:07,170
You couldn't find anything bigger? Heh.
Just kidding. Thank you very much.

330
00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:08,338
[CELL PHONE RINGS]

331
00:18:08,505 --> 00:18:11,174
It's fantastic. Hey, Trish.

332
00:18:11,341 --> 00:18:15,512
Oh. Oh, it's perfect. Noel's gonna love it.
It's gonna be the best tree-lighting ever.

333
00:18:15,678 --> 00:18:19,349
Victor, I get that Baxter Box always hosts
the town's tree-lighting ceremony...

334
00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:22,977
...but do you really have to buy the town
a $10,000 tree?

335
00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:24,813
Are you trying to run for mayor?

336
00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:28,691
No, no, hon. I'm just trying to buy
some goodwill and affection here.

337
00:18:28,858 --> 00:18:32,862
I just figure the bigger the tree,
the more the affection, right?

338
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:37,951
Oh, so he's trying to buy Noel's love.
My little girl's love ain't for sale for anybody.

339
00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:39,160
Sorry.

340
00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:44,541
Hey! No, I'm in here! Turn it off!
I can't see!

341
00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:48,211
Turn it off! Somebody turn
this machine off!

342
00:18:48,378 --> 00:18:50,547
<i>I can't-- Ack!</i> I <i>can't--</i>

343
00:18:50,713 --> 00:18:52,549
[LARRY COUGHING]

344
00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:53,716
[GASPS]

345
00:18:56,177 --> 00:18:58,721
NOEL:
Dad. What happened?

346
00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:02,642
LARRY: I hope somebody got
the license plate of that pigeon.

347
00:19:04,144 --> 00:19:07,689
VICTOR: You wanna have a snowball fight?
Huh? Come on.

348
00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:14,529
Yeah.
Ouch.

349
00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:17,073
[VICTOR GRUNTING
AND NOEL LAUGHING]

350
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,616
Na-na-na!

351
00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:21,578
You missed me. Ah!

352
00:19:22,453 --> 00:19:23,830
No, no, no!

353
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:27,417
You have got a really good arm.

354
00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:29,169
[NOEL GIGGLING]

355
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:35,091
Ah!
Gotcha. Oh, she's charging.

356
00:19:35,258 --> 00:19:36,426
[YELLS]

357
00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:38,052
No! Okay, this is war.

358
00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:39,804
Yeah!
Ow!

359
00:19:39,971 --> 00:19:41,890
Way to go.
Na-na-na! You missed me.

360
00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:44,100
[VICTOR <i>&</i> NOEL GIGGLING]

361
00:19:46,311 --> 00:19:48,229
Ow! Okay. Oh! Oh!

362
00:19:48,396 --> 00:19:50,398
I'm gonna feel this in the morning.

363
00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:53,193
How are you even doing that?

364
00:19:53,610 --> 00:19:55,028
Ugh.
Ha!

365
00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:56,779
[VICTOR FEIGNS LAUGHTER]

366
00:19:56,946 --> 00:19:59,616
VICTOR:
I hit you a hundred times.

367
00:19:59,782 --> 00:20:03,119
I got you a million and 98.

368
00:20:03,286 --> 00:20:05,079
[ALL LAUGH]

369
00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:10,543
You two have fun?
We had tons of fun. I totally nailed Victor.

370
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,086
She did.
Good for you.

371
00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:14,923
Well, your lunch is ready for you
in the kitchen.

372
00:20:15,089 --> 00:20:18,384
And remember, we're dropping
you off at your dad's at 3.

373
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:21,471
We have enough time
for another snowball fight after lunch.

374
00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:22,764
Right, Victor?

375
00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:26,142
You wouldn't be interested in peace talks,
would you?

376
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:29,646
Not a chance.
Heh,heh,heh.

377
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,981
I had a lot of fun with you,
Victor.

378
00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:35,860
Oh.

379
00:20:36,027 --> 00:20:37,320
Me too.

380
00:20:37,695 --> 00:20:40,990
You're almost as much fun as my dad.

381
00:20:43,785 --> 00:20:45,161
[EXHALES]

382
00:20:45,328 --> 00:20:47,956
Almost as much fun as Larry.

383
00:20:49,666 --> 00:20:51,167
[SIGHS]

384
00:20:52,335 --> 00:20:53,836
I can't compete with that guy.

385
00:20:56,130 --> 00:21:00,343
Skating, sledding, hockey, ice fishing.

386
00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:02,971
He's like a big squishy teddy bear.

387
00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:07,433
This isn't a competition, Victor.
You're Noel's dad too.

388
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:11,312
Dad Number 2. Second best.
Runner-up.

389
00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:13,564
A substitute.

390
00:21:14,357 --> 00:21:17,318
Not the real thing
but a startling simulation.

391
00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:21,155
"Dad too," as in "dad also."

392
00:21:21,322 --> 00:21:25,201
Your job is to be there for Noel,
same as Larry.

393
00:21:26,244 --> 00:21:27,954
That's all that matters.

394
00:21:28,663 --> 00:21:30,248
Okay?

395
00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:36,587
Okay?

396
00:21:36,754 --> 00:21:38,673
Teddy bear.
Mm-mm.

397
00:21:42,677 --> 00:21:44,137
LARRY:
I'm telling you, Claude...

398
00:21:44,304 --> 00:21:47,557
...Victor may have a snow machine,
but Noel is gonna love this.

399
00:21:47,724 --> 00:21:51,853
Larry, this is crazy.
Yeah, but it's the real-good kind of crazy.

400
00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:55,690
Who needs a snow machine
when you've got real snow?

401
00:21:56,941 --> 00:21:59,569
Go like this.
It's better on your back.

402
00:22:06,075 --> 00:22:09,871
NOEL: When is he gonna be here?
I'm sure he'll be here soon, honey.

403
00:22:10,038 --> 00:22:11,581
Hopefully in the next year.

404
00:22:11,748 --> 00:22:14,167
LARRY: Ha-ha-ha.
TRISH: That's Larry.

405
00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:16,002
There he is.

406
00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:21,299
Hey!
NOEL: Hey. He's here.

407
00:22:21,466 --> 00:22:24,427
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING
OVER CAR STEREO]

408
00:22:24,594 --> 00:22:27,764
Hi, Daddy.
Where's my little girl?

409
00:22:28,389 --> 00:22:30,266
[LARRY GRUNTING]

410
00:22:30,433 --> 00:22:33,269
Oh, good. Oh, you're getting big.

411
00:22:33,436 --> 00:22:36,064
We've been waiting for a half-hour.
Where have you been?

412
00:22:36,230 --> 00:22:40,026
I got a surprise for Noel.
A surprise? What is it? What is it?

413
00:22:40,193 --> 00:22:43,071
How would you like to have some real snow
at Christmas?

414
00:22:43,237 --> 00:22:47,408
We already have snow at Victor's.
LARRY: I know, but that's that fake stuff.

415
00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:50,328
I mean real snow.
This come out of the sky and everything.

416
00:22:50,495 --> 00:22:53,956
It's real snow, not that synthetic
man-made polyester stuff...

417
00:22:54,123 --> 00:22:55,666
...that you've got at your house.

418
00:22:55,833 --> 00:22:58,795
This is real.
That would be awesome.

419
00:22:58,961 --> 00:23:01,798
LARRY: Darn right it would be.
Let's show these nonbelievers, Lar.

420
00:23:01,964 --> 00:23:05,635
Oh, boy. It's gonna be exciting.
This is the best idea I ever had.

421
00:23:05,802 --> 00:23:07,637
Get ready to be bowled over.

422
00:23:08,304 --> 00:23:10,098
[LARRY SCREAMING]

423
00:23:13,559 --> 00:23:15,228
[TRISH GASPS
AND VICTOR LAUGHS]

424
00:23:15,395 --> 00:23:17,647
LARRY: Anybody got a towel?
Daddy?

425
00:23:20,650 --> 00:23:23,111
You know what that is?
Heh-heh. No.

426
00:23:23,277 --> 00:23:24,654
It's a tickle monster.

427
00:23:24,821 --> 00:23:26,322
[NOEL GIGGLING
AND LARRY GUFFAWING]

428
00:23:26,489 --> 00:23:27,949
It's a tickle monster!

429
00:23:28,116 --> 00:23:31,202
All right, you goof, time for bed.

430
00:23:31,994 --> 00:23:35,164
Good night, Dad.
Thanks for the snow.

431
00:23:35,331 --> 00:23:39,502
I really liked it, even though
it was melted and everything.

432
00:23:39,669 --> 00:23:42,588
Sweetie, that's nice of you.
I appreciate it.

433
00:23:44,173 --> 00:23:47,677
Listen, I love you. Good night. Mwah.
Now, you have a good night's sleep, okay?

434
00:23:47,844 --> 00:23:50,847
Good night, Daddy.
Good night, sweetie.

435
00:23:58,396 --> 00:24:00,648
[LARRY SIGHS, THEN GROANS]

436
00:24:00,815 --> 00:24:03,443
I don't know, Claude.
I just can't catch a break.

437
00:24:03,609 --> 00:24:06,446
I don't know how I can
compete with Victor.

438
00:24:06,612 --> 00:24:08,573
It's tough. <i>I'll</i> give you that.

439
00:24:08,739 --> 00:24:11,909
He's younger, richer,
more educated.

440
00:24:12,076 --> 00:24:14,912
He's in great shape and much,
much, much better-looking.

441
00:24:15,079 --> 00:24:17,373
All right. I get the point.

442
00:24:17,874 --> 00:24:19,584
Look, the more important question is...

443
00:24:19,750 --> 00:24:22,086
...why do you feel the need
to compete with Victor?

444
00:24:22,253 --> 00:24:26,674
Noel doesn't care about that stuff.
She loves you for you, Larry.

445
00:24:26,841 --> 00:24:27,967
I am pretty lovable.

446
00:24:28,134 --> 00:24:29,552
[CHUCKLES]

447
00:24:30,052 --> 00:24:31,846
Good night, Larry.

448
00:24:33,181 --> 00:24:35,183
See you later, Claude.

449
00:24:40,313 --> 00:24:42,732
[CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]

450
00:24:42,899 --> 00:24:46,027
Is my angel ready to order?
I sure am.

451
00:24:46,194 --> 00:24:49,405
I was referring to the little angel.
Oh, sorry.

452
00:24:49,780 --> 00:24:52,325
My usual, Maggie, please.

453
00:24:52,492 --> 00:24:55,369
PB&J, light on the PB and heavy on the J.

454
00:24:56,370 --> 00:24:59,540
Correct.
<i>I'll</i> have the same thing I always have too.

455
00:25:00,082 --> 00:25:02,251
Deep-fried everything, hold the salad.

456
00:25:02,418 --> 00:25:03,586
Boom. Ha-ha.

457
00:25:03,753 --> 00:25:06,672
I tell you what, Maggie,
you know me pretty good.

458
00:25:06,839 --> 00:25:09,258
I got your number, Larry.

459
00:25:12,845 --> 00:25:15,056
So, what you working on there?
Your homework?

460
00:25:15,223 --> 00:25:16,682
My letter to Santa.

461
00:25:16,849 --> 00:25:19,602
Letter to Santa?
I thought you got that done July 4th.

462
00:25:19,769 --> 00:25:21,187
[CHUCKLES]

463
00:25:21,521 --> 00:25:24,273
There's something special I want.

464
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:28,528
What is it?
I can't tell you or anyone else.

465
00:25:28,694 --> 00:25:33,282
If I do, it won't come true.
It's like making a wish.

466
00:25:33,449 --> 00:25:36,827
No, no, no. Don't worry.
I'm not gonna ruin that.

467
00:25:36,994 --> 00:25:39,121
But, hey, can you give me a little hint?

468
00:25:40,456 --> 00:25:42,750
I'm asking Santa...

469
00:25:42,917 --> 00:25:49,924
...for the one thing
I want more than anything in the world.

470
00:25:50,633 --> 00:25:55,137
Well, hey, I got an idea.
There's a mailbox right over there.

471
00:25:55,304 --> 00:25:59,600
Why don't you give me the letter,
and then <i>I'll</i> run it out there.

472
00:25:59,767 --> 00:26:01,936
Would you, Daddy? Thank you so much.

473
00:26:02,353 --> 00:26:05,523
You got it, squirt.
<i>I'll</i> be right back.

474
00:26:14,991 --> 00:26:16,325
CLAUDE:
Hey, Larry.

475
00:26:16,492 --> 00:26:18,995
Hey, Claude, what's going on? Ha-ha-ha.
What you up to?

476
00:26:19,161 --> 00:26:21,330
Noel's letter to Santa Claus.

477
00:26:21,497 --> 00:26:24,834
I figure what Victor can do in quantity,
I can do in quality.

478
00:26:25,418 --> 00:26:28,546
What? You're not thinking of opening that,
are you?

479
00:26:28,713 --> 00:26:30,673
Yeah. Of course.

480
00:26:31,507 --> 00:26:34,969
I mean, look, Victor can get a big old tree
and a bunch of fancy lights...

481
00:26:35,136 --> 00:26:37,346
...and a bunch of fake snow.

482
00:26:37,513 --> 00:26:40,433
But when I see what she's got in here,
what she really wants...

483
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:42,018
...I can give it to her.

484
00:26:42,184 --> 00:26:45,313
That's a private letter, not addressed to you.

485
00:26:45,855 --> 00:26:48,107
Not to mention, that's a federal crime.

486
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,987
Claude, it's my daughter's letter
to Santa Claus.

487
00:26:53,154 --> 00:26:54,697
I think we're gonna be fine.

488
00:26:55,239 --> 00:26:58,200
That's just wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

489
00:26:58,367 --> 00:27:01,203
And you see this?
This is my letter to Santa Claus.

490
00:27:01,370 --> 00:27:04,874
If I find out you tampered with it,
you're gonna answer to me...

491
00:27:05,041 --> 00:27:06,375
...and Mr. Claus himself.

492
00:27:12,381 --> 00:27:15,301
Boy, who pooped in his hashbrowns?

493
00:27:18,095 --> 00:27:19,388
[SIGHS]

494
00:27:25,561 --> 00:27:26,896
[SIGHS]

495
00:27:32,568 --> 00:27:34,278
[GROANS]

496
00:27:38,532 --> 00:27:40,743
Boy, her handwriting's horrible.

497
00:27:40,910 --> 00:27:42,578
Ha-ha. Just like her daddy's.

498
00:27:42,912 --> 00:27:46,916
"Dear Santa:
For Christmas I want my family to get...

499
00:27:47,083 --> 00:27:50,086
...her-- Hera--

500
00:27:51,462 --> 00:27:53,339
Herasone."

501
00:27:53,506 --> 00:27:54,715
Huh?

502
00:27:54,882 --> 00:27:57,218
What the heck's a herasone?

503
00:27:57,551 --> 00:28:01,389
Bye-bye, Daddy.
LARRY: See you later, sweetheart.

504
00:28:01,555 --> 00:28:03,599
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING
OVER CAR STEREO]

505
00:28:04,809 --> 00:28:07,436
So, what did you and Larry do today?
Not much.

506
00:28:07,603 --> 00:28:13,275
VICTOR: Uh-huh. More ice fishing?
No. We just went to the diner.

507
00:28:14,276 --> 00:28:17,530
I wrote a letter to Santa.
Oh, oh, oh. Let me guess.

508
00:28:17,697 --> 00:28:21,200
Uh, Pixie and her Starburst Buddies.
Ah-ah-ah!

509
00:28:21,367 --> 00:28:23,577
Little Paris and her Magical Closet.

510
00:28:23,744 --> 00:28:26,122
Those are little-kid toys.

511
00:28:26,288 --> 00:28:29,625
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on.
What, um...?

512
00:28:29,792 --> 00:28:31,043
What did you ask Santa for?

513
00:28:31,210 --> 00:28:34,630
I can't tell you,
or else I won't get what I want.

514
00:28:34,797 --> 00:28:36,257
I didn't even tell Dad.

515
00:28:36,424 --> 00:28:37,633
Oh. Oh.

516
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:43,139
Well, you know, we should probably
mail those letters right away, so, uh...

517
00:28:43,305 --> 00:28:46,142
You know, I could take it for you.
Dad already did.

518
00:28:47,226 --> 00:28:48,269
Did he?

519
00:28:48,436 --> 00:28:51,939
He went right out of the diner to mail it
as soon as I wrote it.

520
00:28:55,401 --> 00:28:56,444
Really?

521
00:28:58,696 --> 00:29:00,448
WELLING:
Thanks. Excuse me.

522
00:29:00,614 --> 00:29:01,991
[CELL PHONE RINGS]

523
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:05,453
Security. Welling here.

524
00:29:05,619 --> 00:29:07,079
Welling.

525
00:29:07,246 --> 00:29:09,165
I have an assignment for you.

526
00:29:11,167 --> 00:29:12,585
Hm.

527
00:29:13,294 --> 00:29:14,962
Yes, sir.

528
00:29:15,129 --> 00:29:17,381
It would be my pleasure, sir.

529
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:33,689
What are you up to, chubby?

530
00:29:33,856 --> 00:29:35,858
[CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]

531
00:29:42,114 --> 00:29:45,201
Oh, hey. Hi, I'm Jeffrey.
Welcome to Toy Traders.

532
00:29:45,367 --> 00:29:48,204
Merry Christmas, happy holidays,
happy Hanukkah...

533
00:29:48,370 --> 00:29:51,165
...happy Kwanzaa,
and a very happy winter solstice.

534
00:29:51,332 --> 00:29:54,168
I think you got all the bases covered, champ.
Thank you.

535
00:29:54,335 --> 00:29:58,005
Listen. I'm looking for something,
but I don't quite know what I'm looking for.

536
00:29:58,172 --> 00:29:59,715
Okay.
Uh...

537
00:30:00,883 --> 00:30:02,384
Herasone.

538
00:30:03,219 --> 00:30:06,055
I'm sorry. I'm having a hard time
reading your handwriting.

539
00:30:06,222 --> 00:30:08,849
That's not my handwriting.
It's my daughter's. She's 7.

540
00:30:09,016 --> 00:30:13,187
Mine's a lot worse, trust me.
Oh, it is? Wow. Um...

541
00:30:13,354 --> 00:30:14,897
Yeah.
You have any of those?

542
00:30:15,064 --> 00:30:18,234
Yeah. No clue. No idea, sir.

543
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:19,819
Oh, boy.

544
00:30:20,569 --> 00:30:22,822
Wait a second.
Unless she means Harrison.

545
00:30:23,572 --> 00:30:27,034
What's a Harrison?
Harrison the Talking Bear.

546
00:30:27,201 --> 00:30:30,496
You're gonna love this.
Follow me. Yes!

547
00:30:30,663 --> 00:30:32,748
Harrison the Talking Bear.
Haven't you heard?

548
00:30:32,915 --> 00:30:37,753
It's only the most popular toy amongst
the coveted 5-to-10-year-old age demographic.

549
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:41,507
So the bear learns the kids' names
and then says it back to them.

550
00:30:42,049 --> 00:30:43,759
It's the hottest toy this season.

551
00:30:43,926 --> 00:30:46,262
Really? That bear?
Oh, yeah. They love it.

552
00:30:46,428 --> 00:30:49,223
That's what kids are going nuts over.
Nuts for the bear!

553
00:30:49,390 --> 00:30:51,642
Well, all right.
I guess I'll get my daughter one.

554
00:30:51,809 --> 00:30:53,644
Sorry, but we're all sold out.

555
00:30:53,811 --> 00:30:57,523
These things keep flying off the shelves
as fast as we can stock them.

556
00:30:57,690 --> 00:31:01,861
My daughter really wants one of these bears.
Think maybe you might have one in the back?

557
00:31:02,027 --> 00:31:04,280
Sorry. But...

558
00:31:05,865 --> 00:31:10,244
...if you write your name and number down,
I will call you as soon as we get some more in.

559
00:31:10,411 --> 00:31:12,788
You think some other stores
might have one of these bears?

560
00:31:12,955 --> 00:31:14,582
Mmm. Maybe.

561
00:31:14,748 --> 00:31:18,294
You'll have to try again tomorrow.
All the shops are closing up right now.

562
00:31:18,460 --> 00:31:21,964
All right. Well, it looks like tomorrow
I'm going bear hunting. Ha-ha-ha.

563
00:31:22,131 --> 00:31:24,049
Well, thanks for shopping at Toy Traders.

564
00:31:24,216 --> 00:31:26,802
Merry Christmas, happy holidays,
happy Hanukkah...

565
00:31:26,969 --> 00:31:29,305
...happy Kwanzaa,
and a very happy winter solstice.

566
00:31:29,471 --> 00:31:32,474
LARRY: Okay. Merry Christmas in any language.
Merry Christmas.

567
00:31:32,641 --> 00:31:34,435
Hey. Hi, I'm Jeffrey.

568
00:31:34,602 --> 00:31:37,229
Welcome to Toy Traders.
Can I help you out with anything?

569
00:31:37,980 --> 00:31:41,275
A Harrison Talking Bear? Are you sure?

570
00:31:41,442 --> 00:31:44,403
That's what he asked for.
Seemed really desperate to get it.

571
00:31:44,570 --> 00:31:45,613
[SIGHS]

572
00:31:45,779 --> 00:31:48,324
So Noel wants a Harrison Talking Bear.

573
00:31:49,909 --> 00:31:52,161
And to your knowledge,
he hasn't found one yet?

574
00:31:52,328 --> 00:31:54,121
Nope.
All the other stores are closed.

575
00:31:54,496 --> 00:31:57,833
<i>Although he'll certainly be out
looking for one tomorrow.</i>

576
00:31:58,000 --> 00:31:59,627
Good.

577
00:32:00,836 --> 00:32:03,589
I have another assignment for you.

578
00:32:04,256 --> 00:32:06,842
[LARRY SNORING, ALARM BEEPING]

579
00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:12,473
LARRY: Five more minutes.
Give me five more minutes.

580
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:15,351
[ALARM CONTINUES BEEPING]

581
00:32:16,477 --> 00:32:18,187
Eleven-thirty!

582
00:32:19,355 --> 00:32:22,608
[NIKKI LEONTI AND RYAN EDGAR'S
"WRAPPING UP THE HOLIDAYS" PLAYING]

583
00:32:23,275 --> 00:32:25,903
<i>MAN [SINGING]:
I got the holiday wrapped up tight</i>

584
00:32:26,487 --> 00:32:27,529
Open?

585
00:32:27,696 --> 00:32:29,531
Do you have this, miss?
Okay.

586
00:32:31,784 --> 00:32:33,243
Thank you.

587
00:32:34,203 --> 00:32:36,372
<i>Wrapping up the year
Take the good with the bad</i>

588
00:32:36,538 --> 00:32:38,457
<i>Be of good cheer</i>

589
00:32:38,624 --> 00:32:40,709
<i>I don't think I asked for much</i>

590
00:32:40,876 --> 00:32:42,962
<i>Just a little such and such</i>

591
00:32:43,128 --> 00:32:47,549
<i>What you gonna get me for Christmas?
Christmas</i>

592
00:32:48,300 --> 00:32:50,386
<i>If I could have just one thing</i>

593
00:32:50,552 --> 00:32:52,805
<i>I'd make it everything</i>

594
00:32:52,972 --> 00:32:56,266
<i>Yeah, I want it all for Christmas
Christmas</i>

595
00:32:56,433 --> 00:33:00,187
<i>For Christmas</i>

596
00:33:00,354 --> 00:33:03,107
HARRISON:
Hi, <i>I</i> 'm Harrison.

597
00:33:03,732 --> 00:33:05,734
[WOMAN VOCALIZING]

598
00:33:11,073 --> 00:33:14,243
<i>I got the holiday wrapped up tight</i>

599
00:33:16,245 --> 00:33:18,747
<i>Getting ready for Christmas night</i>

600
00:33:21,750 --> 00:33:23,919
<i>I don't think I asked for much</i>

601
00:33:24,086 --> 00:33:27,047
<i>Just a little such and such</i>

602
00:33:27,214 --> 00:33:28,799
Ring it up.

603
00:33:28,966 --> 00:33:31,260
<i>Christmas</i>

604
00:33:31,427 --> 00:33:34,263
<i>If I could have just one thing
I'd make it everything</i>

605
00:33:34,430 --> 00:33:37,516
Let's load them up
and move them out. Ha-ha.

606
00:33:37,683 --> 00:33:40,019
<i>For Christmas
Christmas</i>

607
00:33:40,185 --> 00:33:43,731
<i>For Christmas, yeah</i>

608
00:33:43,897 --> 00:33:46,025
<i>Wrap it UP</i>

609
00:33:46,191 --> 00:33:48,444
<i>Ooh, wrap it up</i>

610
00:33:48,610 --> 00:33:50,612
<i>Yeah</i>

611
00:33:50,779 --> 00:33:53,073
Oh, man.

612
00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:56,952
<i>Wrap it UP</i>

613
00:33:57,119 --> 00:34:00,289
<i>It's all I want for Christmas</i>

614
00:34:00,456 --> 00:34:01,957
Whoa.

615
00:34:02,875 --> 00:34:04,543
Hi. Excuse me.

616
00:34:06,045 --> 00:34:07,713
Hey.

617
00:34:08,797 --> 00:34:10,591
[BOTH GRUNTING]

618
00:34:12,009 --> 00:34:13,844
Mine.

619
00:34:14,136 --> 00:34:15,596
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

620
00:34:20,976 --> 00:34:22,019
LARRY:
Mm-hm.

621
00:34:22,186 --> 00:34:24,563
Yeah, I understand. Ah.

622
00:34:24,730 --> 00:34:26,732
Are you gonna be getting
any more Harrison Bears in?

623
00:34:26,899 --> 00:34:28,484
[MAN LAUGHS OVER PHONE]

624
00:34:28,650 --> 00:34:32,279
Well, I'm glad it's so dad-gum funny.
MAN: You <i>gotta</i> be <i>kidding</i> me.

625
00:34:32,446 --> 00:34:34,073
[SIGHING]
Still no luck?

626
00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:37,701
Nothing. I've tried every toy store
within 500 miles.

627
00:34:37,868 --> 00:34:41,455
Waynesville, Morganton, Boone.
They're all sold out.

628
00:34:41,622 --> 00:34:45,250
Well, what about online? eBay?

629
00:34:45,417 --> 00:34:47,336
They've got rush delivery, right?

630
00:34:47,503 --> 00:34:51,507
Soonest they can get it to me is on the 26th.
I need it on Christmas, not the day after.

631
00:34:51,673 --> 00:34:56,470
Well, I'm sure that she'll love
whatever you got her.

632
00:34:56,637 --> 00:34:59,431
Well, that's the problem.

633
00:34:59,598 --> 00:35:01,517
I didn't get her nothing yet.

634
00:35:02,226 --> 00:35:05,687
Planning ahead, I see.
Maggie, it ain't easy.

635
00:35:05,854 --> 00:35:07,773
Back in the day, when she was littler...

636
00:35:07,940 --> 00:35:11,985
...you know, I'd go into some toy store
and get her some kind of doll with pink on it...

637
00:35:12,152 --> 00:35:15,989
...or some kind of unicorn or a bunny
or something with a magic wand.

638
00:35:16,156 --> 00:35:19,368
She's older now.
It just doesn't work. It's a lot harder.

639
00:35:19,535 --> 00:35:20,911
[LARRY GROANS]

640
00:35:21,078 --> 00:35:23,205
I gotta get that bear.

641
00:35:26,875 --> 00:35:29,086
[CELL PHONE RINGS]

642
00:35:29,253 --> 00:35:30,295
This is Larry.

643
00:35:30,462 --> 00:35:34,633
Hey, this is Jeffrey calling from Toy Traders.
You signed up for the Harrison wait list.

644
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:38,387
Well, I'm calling to tell you
that we have more Harrison Bears just arrived.

645
00:35:38,554 --> 00:35:41,974
<i>They'll be available tomorrow morning
on a first-come, first-served basis.</i>

646
00:35:42,141 --> 00:35:43,684
So get here early.

647
00:35:44,143 --> 00:35:48,564
Oh, man. I don't believe it.
I got me a Harrison Bear.

648
00:35:49,314 --> 00:35:50,482
[LARRY CHUCKLES]

649
00:35:50,649 --> 00:35:53,068
Whoo! Pie for everybody.

650
00:35:53,235 --> 00:35:55,237
You're the only one here, Larry.

651
00:35:55,404 --> 00:35:58,365
Well, <i>I'll</i> take theirs. Ha!

652
00:35:59,199 --> 00:36:01,201
[HUMMING]

653
00:36:01,368 --> 00:36:03,370
[LINE RINGING]

654
00:36:03,537 --> 00:36:05,873
Hey, Mr. Welling?

655
00:36:06,039 --> 00:36:08,750
Hi, this is Jeffrey calling from Toy Traders.

656
00:36:08,917 --> 00:36:11,879
Well, I'm calling to tell you
some really, really good news.

657
00:36:12,045 --> 00:36:13,422
I see.

658
00:36:13,589 --> 00:36:15,507
First-come, first-served.

659
00:36:15,674 --> 00:36:17,593
What time do you open?

660
00:36:18,468 --> 00:36:20,262
See you then.

661
00:36:24,766 --> 00:36:27,436
[ALARM BEEPING
AND LARRY GASPS]

662
00:36:28,854 --> 00:36:30,439
[THUDDING,
THEN LARRY GROANS]

663
00:36:30,939 --> 00:36:33,275
I'm awake. I'm awake.

664
00:36:37,863 --> 00:36:38,989
Ha.

665
00:36:41,533 --> 00:36:43,744
Yeah, you're a pretty good dad, Larry.

666
00:36:43,911 --> 00:36:45,954
<i>I'll</i> bet Victor wouldn't do this for Noel.

667
00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:49,416
Ugh. Oh, man.

668
00:36:49,583 --> 00:36:51,543
You gotta be kidding me.

669
00:36:51,710 --> 00:36:54,213
Hey, is everybody in this line
to buy a Harrison Bear?

670
00:36:54,379 --> 00:36:56,465
Uh, that's right, friend.

671
00:36:56,632 --> 00:36:58,634
[GROANS]

672
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:01,303
What some people won't do to get a toy, huh?
Yeah.

673
00:37:01,470 --> 00:37:02,846
LARRY:
Ha!

674
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:05,766
It's crazy.

675
00:37:07,476 --> 00:37:09,186
[CHATTERING]

676
00:37:11,313 --> 00:37:12,981
How you doing?

677
00:37:13,774 --> 00:37:15,025
Some bear.

678
00:37:15,192 --> 00:37:17,236
WOMAN:
No, no. I put one on hold.

679
00:37:19,947 --> 00:37:22,783
Good morning, everyone. Thank you
for waiting outside all night long.

680
00:37:22,950 --> 00:37:23,951
[SNORES]

681
00:37:24,117 --> 00:37:26,203
I am thrilled to let you know...

682
00:37:26,370 --> 00:37:28,664
...that we have a new shipment
of Harrison Bears.

683
00:37:28,830 --> 00:37:30,332
[ALL CHEERING]

684
00:37:30,499 --> 00:37:31,875
[LAUGHS]

685
00:37:32,042 --> 00:37:33,502
Yeah!

686
00:37:33,669 --> 00:37:36,463
JEFFREY:
Okay, one at a time. Let's slow down.

687
00:37:36,630 --> 00:37:39,466
Take your time. There's no rush.

688
00:37:42,594 --> 00:37:45,013
LARRY:
Where are these bears?

689
00:37:47,808 --> 00:37:50,435
What?
WOMAN 1: There's nothing here.

690
00:37:50,602 --> 00:37:52,980
MAN 1: Where are all the bears?
This can't be happening.

691
00:37:53,146 --> 00:37:57,359
MAN 2: Hey. Where are all the bears?
Yeah. Where's the new shipment?

692
00:37:57,526 --> 00:38:00,529
I'm sorry, everyone,
but the Harrison Bears have sold out.

693
00:38:00,696 --> 00:38:01,822
WOMAN 2: What?
What?

694
00:38:01,989 --> 00:38:03,949
MAN 3:
Oh, come on.

695
00:38:04,533 --> 00:38:06,618
Thank you for shopping
at Toy Traders.

696
00:38:06,785 --> 00:38:09,871
And have a very merry Christmas,
happy holidays, happy Hanukkah...

697
00:38:10,038 --> 00:38:14,001
...happy Kwanzaa,
and a very happy winter solstice. Ah!

698
00:38:14,501 --> 00:38:18,463
Them things sold out in five minutes?
More like 30 seconds.

699
00:38:18,630 --> 00:38:20,882
First customer just came
and bought them all.

700
00:38:21,675 --> 00:38:25,262
He bought every one of them bears?
Yeah. All 50 of them.

701
00:38:25,429 --> 00:38:26,888
I guess he's got a lot of kids.

702
00:38:27,055 --> 00:38:30,642
Don't you got, like, some kind of
a one-per-family limit or something?

703
00:38:30,809 --> 00:38:32,894
I told you it was first-come, first-served.

704
00:38:33,812 --> 00:38:35,355
<i>BOY -</i>

705
00:38:35,897 --> 00:38:38,191
You know what?
I hope you have a sucky holiday...

706
00:38:38,358 --> 00:38:43,572
...a sucky Christmas, a sucky Hanukkah,
a sucky Kwanzaa, and a sucky winter salsa.

707
00:38:46,074 --> 00:38:49,077
LARRY: What are you looking at?
You started the whole thing.

708
00:38:49,745 --> 00:38:51,079
Oh, okay.

709
00:38:51,246 --> 00:38:54,458
It looks like someone's gonna get coal
in their stocking this year.

710
00:38:54,624 --> 00:38:58,920
When the coal--
When the fairies put the coal <i>and--</i>

711
00:38:59,087 --> 00:39:02,632
You'll just wish you had something
other than coal.

712
00:39:03,842 --> 00:39:04,843
[GROANS]

713
00:39:11,767 --> 00:39:15,145
Hey. You're the guy
at the front of the line.

714
00:39:15,312 --> 00:39:17,606
Are you the guy who's been
buying up all these bears?

715
00:39:17,773 --> 00:39:20,025
First-come, first-served.

716
00:39:20,192 --> 00:39:24,279
You got 50 of them. How many kids you got?
I have a lot of nephews and nieces.

717
00:39:24,654 --> 00:39:26,406
Hey, listen.

718
00:39:26,573 --> 00:39:29,576
You think maybe you could, uh,
spare me one of them?

719
00:39:29,743 --> 00:39:31,453
I mean, <i>I'll</i> give you $100.

720
00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:34,539
A hundred bucks. One bear.

721
00:39:34,706 --> 00:39:36,291
Sorry.
Oh, man, look, I'm <i>des--</i>

722
00:39:36,458 --> 00:39:39,252
Man, I'm really desperate.
I'd love to have one of them--

723
00:39:39,419 --> 00:39:41,838
Ah! Jeez. Ah.

724
00:39:42,005 --> 00:39:43,048
Uncle.

725
00:39:43,215 --> 00:39:44,424
If you'll excuse me...

726
00:39:44,591 --> 00:39:47,844
...I have a lot more holiday shopping
to attend to.

727
00:39:52,474 --> 00:39:56,436
Pfft. If I wasn't full of Christmas spirit,
I'd have knocked him out.

728
00:39:56,603 --> 00:39:58,397
[GROANS]

729
00:39:59,523 --> 00:40:04,027
And you're certain there's not a single
Harrison Bear on any shelf in town?

730
00:40:04,194 --> 00:40:05,654
Uh-huh.

731
00:40:06,071 --> 00:40:07,739
Thank you, Welling.

732
00:40:07,906 --> 00:40:09,991
[CHUCKLES,
THEN HORN HONKS]

733
00:40:10,158 --> 00:40:13,829
Noel, your dad's here.

734
00:40:15,664 --> 00:40:18,834
TRISH: Bye, sweet pea.
Bye, Mom.

735
00:40:19,751 --> 00:40:21,169
So how's everything, Larry?

736
00:40:21,586 --> 00:40:23,588
Oh, awesome. Real good.
Couldn't be better.

737
00:40:23,755 --> 00:40:26,007
Doing any Christmas shopping?
A little bit. You?

738
00:40:26,174 --> 00:40:29,177
No, no. I think I've got it wrapped up this year.
Good.

739
00:40:29,344 --> 00:40:32,806
In fact, I think this is gonna turn out
to be an extra-special Christmas...

740
00:40:32,973 --> 00:40:35,350
...for someone we both know.

741
00:40:36,184 --> 00:40:37,686
You two have fun.

742
00:40:39,938 --> 00:40:41,356
NOEL:
Come on, Dad.

743
00:40:48,196 --> 00:40:51,366
Wow, this is looking really great.

744
00:40:51,533 --> 00:40:55,996
You're darn right it does. Look at that.
Dad. You're eating all the shingles.

745
00:40:56,496 --> 00:40:59,207
I know. It's pathetic, ain't it?

746
00:41:00,125 --> 00:41:02,210
Here I thought I'd be full
after the chimney.

747
00:41:02,961 --> 00:41:03,962
[CHUCKLES]

748
00:41:04,129 --> 00:41:05,797
Heh. Don't worry, sweetheart.

749
00:41:05,964 --> 00:41:09,426
I got enough shingles
for 10,000 gingerbread houses.

750
00:41:09,593 --> 00:41:14,639
Hey. <i>I'll</i> bet Victor doesn't have time
to make a gingerbread house with you like I do.

751
00:41:14,806 --> 00:41:18,059
No. He's been awfully busy...

752
00:41:18,226 --> 00:41:24,065
...with some big project called
Operation Who's Your Daddy.

753
00:41:26,276 --> 00:41:30,614
You didn't happen to tell Victor what was in
that letter you wrote to Santa Claus, did you?

754
00:41:30,780 --> 00:41:31,823
Oh, no, Dad.

755
00:41:31,990 --> 00:41:36,578
I wouldn't do anything that might keep me
from getting what I asked for.

756
00:41:36,745 --> 00:41:39,372
Boy, you really want that thing,
don't you?

757
00:41:39,539 --> 00:41:42,417
Whatever it is. Uh...

758
00:41:42,584 --> 00:41:45,128
Hey, sweetheart,
let me ask you something.

759
00:41:45,295 --> 00:41:48,465
What if Santa Claus isn't able
to get you what you asked for?

760
00:41:48,632 --> 00:41:52,886
Oh, no, Dad, don't even say that.
I know Santa will come through.

761
00:41:53,053 --> 00:41:56,223
He just has to.

762
00:42:04,356 --> 00:42:06,233
[CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]

763
00:42:06,399 --> 00:42:10,028
You haven't even touched your pie.
Oh, Maggie.

764
00:42:10,195 --> 00:42:12,239
I ain't got much of an appetite.

765
00:42:12,864 --> 00:42:15,367
Maybe I should take your pulse,
see if you're still alive.

766
00:42:15,534 --> 00:42:18,703
It's that dad-gum stuffed bear.
It's stressing me out.

767
00:42:18,870 --> 00:42:20,205
You haven't found one yet?

768
00:42:20,372 --> 00:42:24,292
No. Those stuffed bears are rarer
than a cabdriver with fresh breath.

769
00:42:24,459 --> 00:42:26,044
[BOTH CHUCKLE]

770
00:42:26,211 --> 00:42:29,881
Hey. Maybe you should ask
those ladies where they got theirs.

771
00:42:30,632 --> 00:42:33,051
Hurry.
That's a Harrison Bear.

772
00:42:33,218 --> 00:42:35,095
<i>I'll</i> be right back.

773
00:42:36,054 --> 00:42:37,847
[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

774
00:42:38,014 --> 00:42:42,102
Excuse me, ladies.
Excuse me, ladies. Hold on.

775
00:42:42,811 --> 00:42:44,646
I'm desperate. It's about your bear.

776
00:42:44,813 --> 00:42:46,773
What about the bear?
What about the bear?

777
00:42:46,940 --> 00:42:48,567
I want it, and I was wondering if--

778
00:42:48,733 --> 00:42:52,070
No. You're the fifth person in the last hour
to ask us about it.

779
00:42:52,237 --> 00:42:56,408
And we're telling you, it's not for sale.
It's not for sale. At any price.

780
00:42:56,575 --> 00:43:00,412
No, I don't wanna buy it. I was just--
Oh, heh. Oh, so you just wanna take it?

781
00:43:00,579 --> 00:43:04,499
Nobody takes this bear. It's for our grandniece.
It's for our grandniece.

782
00:43:04,666 --> 00:43:07,669
No, no, I think you misunderstand me.
WOMAN 1: We're warning you.

783
00:43:07,836 --> 00:43:10,505
We've taken a senior-citizen
self-defense class.

784
00:43:10,672 --> 00:43:12,424
Chop! Huh?

785
00:43:12,591 --> 00:43:14,009
[WOMAN 1 GRUNTS,
THEN LARRY GROANS]

786
00:43:14,175 --> 00:43:15,343
WOMAN 2:
That'll teach you.

787
00:43:15,510 --> 00:43:18,680
Don't mess with a senior. Hmph.
Hmph.

788
00:43:18,847 --> 00:43:22,100
WOMAN 1: There you go. The nerve.
Where's the spirit of Christmas?

789
00:43:22,267 --> 00:43:24,769
[GROANING]
Christmas is getting violent.

790
00:43:27,689 --> 00:43:29,232
[GRUNTS]

791
00:43:30,734 --> 00:43:32,944
A Harrison Bear.

792
00:43:33,111 --> 00:43:34,362
Roosters Tavern.

793
00:43:34,821 --> 00:43:37,449
Reindeer Charity Fundraiser.

794
00:43:38,366 --> 00:43:39,367
[CHUCKLING]
Yeah.

795
00:43:42,662 --> 00:43:46,666
EMCEE: Welcome, ladies and gentleman,
to Roosters Tavern's...

796
00:43:46,833 --> 00:43:51,212
...annual Bucking Reindeer
Charity Fundraiser.

797
00:43:51,379 --> 00:43:52,672
[ALL CHEERING]

798
00:43:52,839 --> 00:43:54,007
Hooray!

799
00:43:54,174 --> 00:43:55,550
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]

800
00:43:55,717 --> 00:43:57,135
CLAUDE:
I'm not too crazy about this.

801
00:43:57,302 --> 00:44:03,558
We have 10 very brave Santas up here
willing to risk life and limb...

802
00:44:03,725 --> 00:44:05,393
...to raise money...
Life and limb?

803
00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:11,149
...for St. Luke's Children's Hospital by trying
to see how long they can stay on Bucky.

804
00:44:12,525 --> 00:44:15,612
I've never ridden a mechanical reindeer before.
Neither have I.

805
00:44:15,779 --> 00:44:20,867
With both of us riding, it gives us a better
chance to win that Harrison Bear there for Noel.

806
00:44:21,034 --> 00:44:26,915
And the Santa who stays on
the longest will win our grand prize.

807
00:44:27,582 --> 00:44:28,583
Ho-ho-ho!

808
00:44:28,750 --> 00:44:31,544
We got it. We got it.
Better give up now, fellas.

809
00:44:31,711 --> 00:44:35,715
My boy wants that bear for Christmas,
and I never let my boy down.

810
00:44:35,882 --> 00:44:39,177
Well, my little girl wants it too,
and I never let my little girl down.

811
00:44:40,178 --> 00:44:43,223
Let me tell you, it ain't over till it's over.
Oh, it's over.

812
00:44:43,390 --> 00:44:46,893
Let the games begin!

813
00:44:47,060 --> 00:44:48,937
Santa Number 1.
Victory!

814
00:44:49,104 --> 00:44:53,274
EMCEE: That's Santa Number 1 up here?
Are you ready, Santa Number 1?

815
00:44:53,441 --> 00:44:55,443
On your mark, get set...

816
00:44:55,610 --> 00:44:57,320
...let's ride!

817
00:44:57,487 --> 00:44:59,280
[ALL CHEERING]

818
00:45:03,910 --> 00:45:07,455
He's holding on for dear life.
He's holding on.

819
00:45:07,622 --> 00:45:09,124
Ooh, he's off!

820
00:45:09,290 --> 00:45:11,918
We've got his score. Seven seconds.

821
00:45:12,085 --> 00:45:14,212
Not a bad start, Santa Number 1.

822
00:45:14,379 --> 00:45:16,464
Well, let's get the second Santa Claus
up here.

823
00:45:16,631 --> 00:45:18,091
Let's go.
LARRY: Good luck, Claude.

824
00:45:18,258 --> 00:45:21,052
You can do it, Claude.
Stay on her, buddy.

825
00:45:21,219 --> 00:45:24,723
EMCEE: Santa Number 2, are you ready?
I'm-- I'm ready.

826
00:45:24,889 --> 00:45:28,059
Ready, set, let's ride.

827
00:45:29,018 --> 00:45:30,645
Ugh!

828
00:45:30,979 --> 00:45:33,314
EMCEE:
That was interesting.

829
00:45:33,481 --> 00:45:37,986
How long did I go for?
You were on for one second.

830
00:45:38,153 --> 00:45:39,571
What?

831
00:45:39,738 --> 00:45:41,823
One second, everybody.
Keep it going for Santa.

832
00:45:41,990 --> 00:45:44,951
Santa Number 3. Let's ride!

833
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:51,082
Oh, oh, oh!

834
00:45:51,958 --> 00:45:54,502
And he's got nine seconds.
Whoo!

835
00:45:59,924 --> 00:46:02,177
ALL: Oh!
EMCEE: Let's ride!

836
00:46:03,470 --> 00:46:06,014
Oh, man. Fall, fall, fall. Yes!

837
00:46:06,181 --> 00:46:08,850
Ho-ho-ho.
Go, go, go!

838
00:46:10,852 --> 00:46:13,855
Yes!
Oh, yeah.

839
00:46:14,022 --> 00:46:16,941
Santa Number 7, come on down.

840
00:46:17,108 --> 00:46:18,651
[ALL CHEERING]

841
00:46:19,319 --> 00:46:20,862
EMCEE:
Let's ride!

842
00:46:21,029 --> 00:46:22,113
[CHUCKLES]

843
00:46:22,530 --> 00:46:24,866
Number 7 is holding on.

844
00:46:28,036 --> 00:46:31,206
Oh!
Oh, my gosh. Look at this guy go.

845
00:46:32,207 --> 00:46:35,126
Oh, he's still hanging on.
He's holding on for dear life.

846
00:46:35,877 --> 00:46:38,797
He's still going. He's still--

847
00:46:38,963 --> 00:46:40,715
You've gotta be kidding me.

848
00:46:40,882 --> 00:46:44,302
Number 7, 22 seconds.

849
00:46:44,469 --> 00:46:47,472
[ALL CHEERING,
EMCEE MAKES SHOOTING SOUNDS]

850
00:46:47,639 --> 00:46:50,475
You've done it, Number 7.
What are you gonna do, Larry?

851
00:46:50,642 --> 00:46:54,687
You can't hold on for 23 seconds.
I'm gonna get something out of my truck.

852
00:46:54,854 --> 00:46:58,066
LARRY: Let me tell you something.
This glue is gonna give me the edge I need.

853
00:46:58,233 --> 00:47:01,152
Do me a favor. Get my backside, would you?
Aw. That's disgusting.

854
00:47:01,319 --> 00:47:05,240
Would you just do my backside, dude?
Do you want Noel to win that bear or not?

855
00:47:05,406 --> 00:47:07,200
Oh, yeah.

856
00:47:07,367 --> 00:47:08,451
Do not forget...

857
00:47:08,618 --> 00:47:13,748
...you must get at least 23 seconds
on the bull to win the grand prize.

858
00:47:14,707 --> 00:47:16,334
Let's go, boys.
EMCEE: Let's ride!

859
00:47:17,418 --> 00:47:19,921
Come on, chubby man!
Whoa!

860
00:47:21,548 --> 00:47:23,675
EMCEE:
He's a tornado on the back of a reindeer.

861
00:47:26,469 --> 00:47:28,763
How fast this thing go?
LARRY: All right, okay.

862
00:47:31,432 --> 00:47:33,434
[LARRY SCREAMING]

863
00:47:33,601 --> 00:47:35,603
CLAUDE:
Do not let go. Do not let go.

864
00:47:42,902 --> 00:47:44,445
[SCREAMS]

865
00:47:44,863 --> 00:47:45,905
Hang on, Larry!

866
00:47:48,241 --> 00:47:49,409
[EMCEE GUFFAWS]

867
00:47:50,577 --> 00:47:51,619
Go! Go! Go!

868
00:47:52,745 --> 00:47:54,622
[LARRY SCREAMS]

869
00:47:55,415 --> 00:47:56,416
Oh!

870
00:48:00,879 --> 00:48:03,715
EMCEE:
He's done it, 31 seconds!

871
00:48:03,882 --> 00:48:05,466
We've got a new champion!

872
00:48:05,633 --> 00:48:08,428
He did it!
I won! I won!

873
00:48:08,595 --> 00:48:10,471
In 31 seconds. Do you hear?

874
00:48:10,638 --> 00:48:12,974
EMCEE:
You have won yourself...

875
00:48:13,141 --> 00:48:19,272
...a weekend for two in the beautiful,
romantic Pocono Mountains.

876
00:48:19,898 --> 00:48:21,649
Pocono?
EMCEE: All right.

877
00:48:21,816 --> 00:48:23,985
No, no, no. I wanted the bear.

878
00:48:24,152 --> 00:48:26,988
I thought first prize was the bear.
EMCEE: Sorry, but well done.

879
00:48:27,155 --> 00:48:30,491
Now, in second place, Rider Number 7...

880
00:48:30,658 --> 00:48:33,828
...you have won Harrison the Talking Bear.

881
00:48:34,579 --> 00:48:36,331
I won?

882
00:48:36,497 --> 00:48:37,582
[MAN CHUCKLING]

883
00:48:38,833 --> 00:48:41,920
My boy's gonna have
the best Christmas ever.

884
00:48:42,086 --> 00:48:44,505
Oh, yeah. Number 2!

885
00:48:44,672 --> 00:48:47,467
EMCEE:
Give it up for Number 2! Oh, yeah!

886
00:48:47,967 --> 00:48:51,304
Now, what am I gonna do
with a trip to the Poconos?

887
00:48:51,471 --> 00:48:53,097
<i>I'll</i> go with you.

888
00:48:53,264 --> 00:48:55,433
Come on, Claude.

889
00:48:55,850 --> 00:48:57,685
Boy, it's breezy in here.

890
00:48:58,853 --> 00:49:02,690
LARRY: <i>I'll</i> tell you, Claude, I don't know.
I know this, though.

891
00:49:02,857 --> 00:49:07,904
At this rate, heh,
I'm never gonna get one of them bears.

892
00:49:11,074 --> 00:49:13,076
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

893
00:49:14,744 --> 00:49:17,246
What is going on?

894
00:49:20,166 --> 00:49:23,294
<i>HARRISON</i> 1 :
<i>Harrison loves to play.</i>

895
00:49:24,087 --> 00:49:26,130
<i>HARRISON 2:
That tickles. Heh, heh.</i>

896
00:49:26,297 --> 00:49:30,218
<i>HARRISON 3:
I'm baby Harrison. Time for</i> a <i>nap.</i>

897
00:49:31,010 --> 00:49:33,137
<i>HARRISON 4:
Hi-hidey-ho, I'm Harrison.</i>

898
00:49:33,304 --> 00:49:35,306
[CHILDREN CHEERING AND LAUGHING]

899
00:49:40,269 --> 00:49:44,023
<i>HARRISON</i> 5:
<i>This is fun. Harrison loves exercise.</i>

900
00:49:44,190 --> 00:49:46,192
Where are all these bears coming from?

901
00:49:49,696 --> 00:49:53,408
Did you get any more of them talking bears in?
Oh, hey. We certainly do.

902
00:49:53,574 --> 00:49:56,494
Oh, man. Everybody's got one but me.
Can I have one?

903
00:49:56,661 --> 00:49:58,579
Yes, you can. Yes, you can.

904
00:49:58,746 --> 00:50:01,916
LARRY THE BEAR:
Hi, I'm <i>Larry</i> the Loser <i>Bear.</i> Get her done.

905
00:50:02,083 --> 00:50:04,669
Hey, that ain't a Harrison Bear.
That's a me bear.

906
00:50:04,836 --> 00:50:09,257
This is the second most popular toy amongst
the coveted 5-to-10-year-old age demographic.

907
00:50:09,424 --> 00:50:11,759
Second most?
Well, what's the most popular?

908
00:50:11,926 --> 00:50:13,511
This one.

909
00:50:13,678 --> 00:50:16,264
<i>VICTOR THE</i> BEAR:
<i>Hidey-ho, I'm Victor the Talking Bear.</i>

910
00:50:16,723 --> 00:50:20,893
<i>I'm the best dad ever,
and I'll buy whatever your little heart desires.</i>

911
00:50:22,603 --> 00:50:24,022
[CHUCKLING]

912
00:50:24,188 --> 00:50:27,483
I love that one.
Every kid in America wants one of these.

913
00:50:27,650 --> 00:50:31,029
A Victor Bear. Daddy, can I please have it?

914
00:50:31,195 --> 00:50:35,908
That's the thing I want more than anything
for Christmas.

915
00:50:44,500 --> 00:50:48,212
<i>MARGO: I'm here at town hall, where they're
setting up</i> a <i>soup kitchen for the homeless.</i>

916
00:50:48,379 --> 00:50:52,759
<i>As you can see, there are some wonderful toys
that will be handed out at noon today...</i>

917
00:50:52,925 --> 00:50:57,221
<i>...to needy boys and girls
by none other than Santa himself.</i>

918
00:50:57,388 --> 00:50:58,765
SANTA:
Ho-ho-ho.

919
00:50:58,931 --> 00:51:02,226
<i>Merry Christmas.
Thank you, Santa.</i>

920
00:51:02,393 --> 00:51:05,229
<i>I'm Margo Price, Channel One News.
WOMAN: Thanks, Margo.</i>

921
00:51:05,396 --> 00:51:07,190
Oh, man.

922
00:51:07,356 --> 00:51:10,818
You cannot be thinking
what you're thinking right now.

923
00:51:19,160 --> 00:51:23,206
Are you happy?
I'm so glad you're happy.

924
00:51:27,251 --> 00:51:28,961
[GROANS]

925
00:51:31,839 --> 00:51:33,966
No guilt, Larry. Come on.

926
00:51:35,343 --> 00:51:39,138
Yeah, this $500 donation
way makes up for that bear.

927
00:51:39,305 --> 00:51:40,807
All right.

928
00:51:42,433 --> 00:51:44,977
Larry? Larry Phillips?
Yeah.

929
00:51:45,144 --> 00:51:48,439
Is that you?
Oh, hey, Janie.

930
00:51:48,606 --> 00:51:50,233
How's tricks?
Good, good.

931
00:51:50,399 --> 00:51:53,861
I was just dropping off some presents
to donate for the charity event.

932
00:51:54,195 --> 00:51:57,323
I haven't seen you
since we graduated from high school.

933
00:51:57,490 --> 00:52:00,201
I know. It's been a long time.
All right, then.

934
00:52:00,368 --> 00:52:05,164
Larry. Don't give up.
You know, it's bound to get better.

935
00:52:05,331 --> 00:52:08,376
Oh, no, Janie, I'm doing fine, really.
These are--

936
00:52:08,543 --> 00:52:10,461
These are just old clothes. It's washday.

937
00:52:10,628 --> 00:52:13,714
I hope this isn't
because I dumped you, Larry.

938
00:52:13,881 --> 00:52:15,174
Well, hold on a second.

939
00:52:15,341 --> 00:52:18,386
I kind of remember that differently.
It was kind of mutual.

940
00:52:19,178 --> 00:52:23,891
Oh, I have to go to church.
But it was really good seeing you again.

941
00:52:24,058 --> 00:52:27,145
You too.
And I'm sure this is all just a little rough patch.

942
00:52:27,311 --> 00:52:30,398
Huh?
You know? And I just want you to be brave.

943
00:52:31,399 --> 00:52:33,234
I don't need money, Janie.

944
00:52:33,401 --> 00:52:37,155
Larry, there is no shame
in accepting help.

945
00:52:37,321 --> 00:52:39,198
You poor, poor man.

946
00:52:40,074 --> 00:52:42,660
I don't...
Goodbye.

947
00:52:42,827 --> 00:52:47,790
Twenty bucks?
Boy, heh, heh. I'm in the wrong business.

948
00:52:49,167 --> 00:52:51,794
SANTA:
Ho-ho-ho.

949
00:52:51,961 --> 00:52:55,673
Well, I think I've got something
very nice for you.

950
00:52:57,383 --> 00:52:59,760
Merry Christmas.

951
00:53:01,554 --> 00:53:03,931
I hear you want a doggy for Christmas.

952
00:53:04,557 --> 00:53:08,936
Ho-ho-ho! Well, we just happen
to have one here.

953
00:53:09,687 --> 00:53:13,107
Here you go. Merry Christmas.

954
00:53:13,608 --> 00:53:15,610
Ho-ho-ho.

955
00:53:15,776 --> 00:53:17,403
[SIGHS]

956
00:53:17,570 --> 00:53:22,074
That's what makes it all worthwhile.
Whoa!

957
00:53:22,241 --> 00:53:25,286
How you doing, Santa?
Are you kidding me?

958
00:53:25,453 --> 00:53:27,914
You're cutting off the circulation
in my leg.

959
00:53:28,080 --> 00:53:30,791
Oh, come on. The real Santa Claus
wouldn't care about that.

960
00:53:30,958 --> 00:53:35,379
Oh, yeah? Well, the real Santa Claus is kind
of busy this time of year, you might've noticed.

961
00:53:35,546 --> 00:53:39,800
Look, I'm here for my daughter.
Oh, yeah? Why isn't she here herself?

962
00:53:39,967 --> 00:53:42,720
I'll be honest.
She's kind of scared of Santa Claus.

963
00:53:42,887 --> 00:53:47,016
How does a kid not like Santa Claus?
She must have sat on some Santa's lap...

964
00:53:47,183 --> 00:53:51,187
...that was sweating real bad and had
bad breath and asked a lot of nosy questions.

965
00:53:51,354 --> 00:53:55,149
Okay, okay. Here you go. Ho-ho!

966
00:53:55,316 --> 00:53:56,651
This is for your daughter.

967
00:53:56,817 --> 00:53:59,779
She wants that Harrison Bear.
Can I get the Harrison Bear?

968
00:53:59,946 --> 00:54:00,988
She'll love the doll.

969
00:54:01,155 --> 00:54:04,367
Santa Claus, I am not leaving your lap
until I get that Harrison Bear.

970
00:54:04,533 --> 00:54:08,579
Matter of fact, I had some Mexican food
last night, and it's starting to bubble up.

971
00:54:08,746 --> 00:54:12,959
You better give me that bear. If I explode,
you'll have to call Roto-Rooter for backup.

972
00:54:13,125 --> 00:54:17,296
Quick, get the bear. Give this guy
his bear. Give him his bear.

973
00:54:17,463 --> 00:54:18,714
Ha-ha!

974
00:54:18,881 --> 00:54:24,428
Oh, man. Santa Claus, you just made
a dad and a little girl real happy.

975
00:54:24,595 --> 00:54:27,014
HARRISON: Hi, I'm Harrison.
And one from the bear. Whoo!

976
00:54:27,181 --> 00:54:29,642
I got me a bear.

977
00:54:30,851 --> 00:54:32,019
[CHUCKLES]

978
00:54:32,186 --> 00:54:34,730
I got a bear. I got a bear.

979
00:54:34,897 --> 00:54:38,943
I got me a Harrison Bear.
I can't believe I got a bear.

980
00:54:39,360 --> 00:54:43,281
Whoa. Is that a Harrison Bear?
Sure is, buddy. I got it for my daughter.

981
00:54:43,614 --> 00:54:45,032
Oh.

982
00:54:45,199 --> 00:54:46,784
She sure is lucky.

983
00:54:46,951 --> 00:54:51,372
I wanted the same thing, but Daddy says
Santa's on a tight budget this year.

984
00:54:51,539 --> 00:54:54,875
That's terrible. Well, maybe your daddy
will come up with something...

985
00:54:55,042 --> 00:54:58,546
...and you'll have a good Christmas this year.
He can't.

986
00:54:58,713 --> 00:55:02,049
He doesn't get out of jail
till Valentine's Day.

987
00:55:02,216 --> 00:55:07,388
He was just trying to steal enough money
so Mom could get her operation.

988
00:55:07,763 --> 00:55:09,640
Man, that's really sad.

989
00:55:09,807 --> 00:55:10,850
Oh, Well.

990
00:55:11,017 --> 00:55:13,686
I just hope Santa doesn't forget me
on Christmas...

991
00:55:13,853 --> 00:55:15,563
...like he did last year.

992
00:55:15,730 --> 00:55:17,523
And the year before that.

993
00:55:17,690 --> 00:55:20,067
And the year before that.

994
00:55:22,278 --> 00:55:24,405
Hey, kid.

995
00:55:24,572 --> 00:55:26,449
Catch.

996
00:55:26,907 --> 00:55:29,327
You're giving me
your Harrison Talking Bear?

997
00:55:29,493 --> 00:55:34,832
Yeah. I figure since Santa's on a tight budget
this year, I'll be Santa's helper.

998
00:55:34,999 --> 00:55:37,376
So Merry Christmas.

999
00:55:39,295 --> 00:55:40,338
Sucker!

1000
00:55:44,467 --> 00:55:47,762
And that's why some couples just have pets.

1001
00:55:47,928 --> 00:55:49,430
I've been had.

1002
00:55:49,764 --> 00:55:51,807
Bring me back that bear!

1003
00:55:52,391 --> 00:55:55,519
Sorry kid. Come back here!

1004
00:55:55,686 --> 00:55:58,272
Bring me back my bear!

1005
00:56:02,902 --> 00:56:06,572
Excuse me. Sorry. Give me that--
Give me that bear!

1006
00:56:14,705 --> 00:56:17,458
I got you, you little punk.
Now give me that bear.

1007
00:56:17,625 --> 00:56:20,294
Fat chance, tubby.
Tubby? Come on.

1008
00:56:20,461 --> 00:56:24,215
You know that's hurtful. I'm not Tubby.
I'm big boned. Now give me that bear.

1009
00:56:24,382 --> 00:56:28,469
Please, mister. Don't take my
Harrison Bear. I'm begging you.

1010
00:56:30,304 --> 00:56:31,722
Kid, just give me the bear.

1011
00:56:31,889 --> 00:56:35,142
I won't let you take my bear,
no matter how much you threaten me.

1012
00:56:35,309 --> 00:56:38,229
Hey, what's going on here?
Are you threatening this little boy?

1013
00:56:38,396 --> 00:56:41,524
I'm not threatening that punk.
He tricked me out of that bear.

1014
00:56:41,690 --> 00:56:46,445
It was a gift from my daddy, who's in jail.
And he wants to take it away from me.

1015
00:56:46,612 --> 00:56:49,865
That's real rich, kid. That's real rich.
You're pretty good, you know?

1016
00:56:50,032 --> 00:56:53,327
Larry. Just because you've fallen
on hard times...

1017
00:56:53,494 --> 00:56:56,789
...that's no excuse to steal from a child.

1018
00:56:56,956 --> 00:57:00,835
No. Y'all are misunderstanding
the whole thing about what's happening here.

1019
00:57:01,001 --> 00:57:04,672
Oh. Oh, I understand.
I understand you should be put in jail.

1020
00:57:04,839 --> 00:57:07,508
Come on. Let's get him.
WOMAN 1: Let's get him.

1021
00:57:07,675 --> 00:57:10,678
Wait a minute. For the record, Janie...

1022
00:57:11,429 --> 00:57:12,680
...I dumped you.

1023
00:57:12,847 --> 00:57:15,141
Oh, that's it. Let's get him!

1024
00:57:15,307 --> 00:57:17,309
WOMAN 2: Let's get him!
MAN: Get him!

1025
00:57:17,476 --> 00:57:19,228
WOMAN 1:
Get him!

1026
00:57:33,617 --> 00:57:35,411
Nice work, kid.

1027
00:57:35,578 --> 00:57:37,830
Fifty bucks, as agreed.

1028
00:57:38,956 --> 00:57:42,209
It'll be a hundred.
We agreed on 50.

1029
00:57:42,376 --> 00:57:43,419
Delivery charges.

1030
00:57:43,586 --> 00:57:46,172
Or do you want me to give it back
to the doofus?

1031
00:57:47,882 --> 00:57:51,177
I'm starting to feel
like the doofus myself, kid.

1032
00:57:51,719 --> 00:57:53,220
On three.

1033
00:57:53,387 --> 00:57:55,347
One, two, three.

1034
00:57:57,224 --> 00:57:59,685
[BOTH CHUCKLE]

1035
00:58:00,519 --> 00:58:02,813
Stupid bear.

1036
00:58:02,980 --> 00:58:05,191
HARRISON:
Heh, heh. That tickles.

1037
00:58:05,357 --> 00:58:07,902
MAN 1:
Get back here! Get him!

1038
00:58:08,068 --> 00:58:10,488
MAN 2: Come on, get him!
WOMAN 1: There he is!

1039
00:58:10,654 --> 00:58:11,697
WOMAN 2:
Stop him!

1040
00:58:13,574 --> 00:58:14,575
LARRY:
Help!

1041
00:58:24,710 --> 00:58:27,171
[LARRY PANTING,
BANGS AGAINST TABLE]

1042
00:58:29,882 --> 00:58:31,634
MAN 1:
Oh, he's faster than he looks.

1043
00:58:33,093 --> 00:58:35,763
He's gotta be around here somewhere.
Keep looking.

1044
00:58:35,930 --> 00:58:38,265
WOMAN 1: Sinner! Sinner!
WOMAN 2: Where did he go?

1045
00:58:39,391 --> 00:58:42,895
This wouldn't have anything to do
with you trying to get that toy, would it?

1046
00:58:43,062 --> 00:58:45,689
It actually would, Maggie. Oh, boy.

1047
00:58:45,856 --> 00:58:49,068
I need a cup of coffee. And a defibrillator.

1048
00:58:50,444 --> 00:58:53,197
<i>MARGO:
And in the final run up until Christmastime...</i>

1049
00:58:53,364 --> 00:58:57,243
<i>...shoppers are swarming the malls
looking for last-minute gifts...</i>

1050
00:58:57,409 --> 00:58:58,661
<i>...and stocking stuffers.</i>

1051
00:58:58,827 --> 00:59:01,205
<i>But for those shoppers
who are hoping to pick up...</i>

1052
00:59:01,372 --> 00:59:06,377
<i>...a Harrison Talking Bear before Christmas
are going to be out of luck.</i>

1053
00:59:06,544 --> 00:59:08,003
<i>Toy-store managers are saying...</i>

1054
00:59:08,170 --> 00:59:12,800
<i>...that they don't expect any more
Harrison Talking Bears in until after Christmas.</i>

1055
00:59:12,967 --> 00:59:15,803
<i>For Channel One News, I'm Margo Price.</i>

1056
00:59:15,970 --> 00:59:17,513
<i>WOMAN'.
Thanks, Margo.</i>

1057
00:59:17,680 --> 00:59:20,057
Is there anything else on the list
you can get her?

1058
00:59:20,975 --> 00:59:25,145
How about a Mr. Potato Head?
Everybody loves potatoes.

1059
00:59:25,312 --> 00:59:27,815
Everybody don't like Potato Heads.

1060
00:59:28,857 --> 00:59:32,069
Besides that, the Harrison Bear
was the only thing she had in the letter.

1061
00:59:32,236 --> 00:59:35,239
And I'm pretty sure
Victor's bought her everything else.

1062
00:59:35,406 --> 00:59:39,326
Boy, the one time of year I can do
something special for my little girl...

1063
00:59:39,493 --> 00:59:42,246
...and ends up being an epic fail.

1064
00:59:42,413 --> 00:59:44,248
It wasn't that bad of--
Oh, it was a fail.

1065
00:59:44,415 --> 00:59:47,418
WOMAN: <i>For those of you who haven't
finished your Christmas shopping...</i>

1066
00:59:47,585 --> 00:59:49,086
[CELL PHONE RINGING]

1067
00:59:57,678 --> 00:59:58,679
Ha!

1068
01:00:00,556 --> 01:00:03,267
Heh. At least it wasn't in the dip.

1069
01:00:04,560 --> 01:00:06,854
Larry Phillips.
MAN [DISTORTED]: <i>Larry</i> Phillips?

1070
01:00:07,021 --> 01:00:10,190
I understand you're in the market
for a Harrison Talking Bear.

1071
01:00:11,275 --> 01:00:14,445
Something about a Harrison Talking Bear.
Go ahead.

1072
01:00:14,612 --> 01:00:18,699
Come to McKibble's old junkyard
and meet me in the warehouse at midnight.

1073
01:00:18,866 --> 01:00:22,036
<i>Come alone and bring $500 cash.</i>

1074
01:00:22,369 --> 01:00:24,663
Five hundred dollars? Heh.
Five hundred dollars?

1075
01:00:24,830 --> 01:00:26,957
You sure you're calling
the right house?

1076
01:00:27,124 --> 01:00:30,711
Am I talking to the man who wants
to make his little girl happy? Am I correct?

1077
01:00:30,878 --> 01:00:34,590
Because if I'm not,
I have a long list of other parents who want to.

1078
01:00:34,757 --> 01:00:38,552
Hey, no, no, no.
Listen, <i>I'll</i> be there at midnight with the cash.

1079
01:00:40,387 --> 01:00:42,514
I gotta get $500 fast.

1080
01:00:51,190 --> 01:00:53,150
I think I'm gonna wait in the car.

1081
01:00:53,317 --> 01:00:56,236
I ain't going in there by myself.
You're coming with me.

1082
01:01:00,532 --> 01:01:02,368
LARRY:
Hello?

1083
01:01:04,036 --> 01:01:05,746
Anybody here?

1084
01:01:05,913 --> 01:01:10,250
No, so can we just leave now, please?
I ain't leaving till I get what I come for.

1085
01:01:10,417 --> 01:01:12,586
I got a bad feeling
about this place, Larry.

1086
01:01:12,753 --> 01:01:17,007
Well, just figure it's like
a business transaction or something.

1087
01:01:17,174 --> 01:01:18,467
Business transaction?
Yeah.

1088
01:01:18,634 --> 01:01:19,885
Oh, sure.

1089
01:01:20,052 --> 01:01:22,429
A business transaction
in the middle of the night...

1090
01:01:22,596 --> 01:01:26,308
...in a creepy, deserted place where
nobody can hear our screams for help.

1091
01:01:26,475 --> 01:01:29,144
All right, enough. Knock it off.
You're freaking me out.

1092
01:01:29,311 --> 01:01:32,940
You're making me nervous.
I should've waited in the car. I told you.

1093
01:01:33,107 --> 01:01:38,028
MAN: I told you to come alone.
I got $500 in my pocket. That's a lot of money.

1094
01:01:38,195 --> 01:01:41,615
Whenever I leave the house with that
much, I bring a backup. Who are you?

1095
01:01:41,782 --> 01:01:43,367
You didn't follow my instructions.

1096
01:01:43,534 --> 01:01:46,245
Why are you talking like Batman?
Yeah, he does a bit.

1097
01:01:46,412 --> 01:01:49,415
The original or the ones that came later?
Ones that came later.

1098
01:01:49,581 --> 01:01:50,624
Which one?
Scott Baio.

1099
01:01:50,791 --> 01:01:52,042
He wasn't Batman.

1100
01:01:52,209 --> 01:01:53,877
He played that--
MAN: That's enough!

1101
01:01:54,420 --> 01:01:57,548
You don't recognize me?
Maybe I should give you a hint.

1102
01:01:58,048 --> 01:02:00,634
Merry Christmas, happy Holidays...

1103
01:02:01,135 --> 01:02:03,804
...happy Hanukkah, happy Kwanzaa...

1104
01:02:03,971 --> 01:02:06,807
...and a very happy winter solstice.

1105
01:02:06,974 --> 01:02:11,645
That's the dude from the toy store.
MAN: Working in a toy store has its advantages.

1106
01:02:11,812 --> 01:02:13,230
Hey, it's me, Jeffrey.

1107
01:02:13,772 --> 01:02:18,902
Mild-mannered toy-store clerk by day,
purveyor of childhood fantasies by night.

1108
01:02:19,069 --> 01:02:20,446
For a price.

1109
01:02:20,612 --> 01:02:26,452
And since we all have our cards on the table,
I brought a little backup of my own.

1110
01:02:28,787 --> 01:02:29,830
CLAUDE:
Little backup?

1111
01:02:29,997 --> 01:02:33,792
Boy, he meant that literally, didn't he?
I knew elves were for real.

1112
01:02:33,959 --> 01:02:37,004
That's not an elf, brother.
That's the dude from <i>Taxi.</i>

1113
01:02:37,171 --> 01:02:41,675
Sebastian is a temporary coworker
at Toy Traders.

1114
01:02:41,842 --> 01:02:44,678
What are y'all doing down here
scalping Harrison Bears?

1115
01:02:44,845 --> 01:02:46,472
It's weird.
Doesn't make any sense.

1116
01:02:46,638 --> 01:02:50,517
Because I have big plans, Larry. Big plans.
And <i>I'll</i> tell you something for free.

1117
01:02:50,684 --> 01:02:52,603
They don't involve waiting five years...

1118
01:02:52,770 --> 01:02:55,898
...to become a junior assistant
associate manager at Toy Traders...

1119
01:02:56,064 --> 01:02:59,693
...nor do they involve dealing
with obnoxious parents like you...

1120
01:02:59,860 --> 01:03:04,865
...who yell at me when I can't magically
produce whatever toy their kids want.

1121
01:03:06,033 --> 01:03:07,534
Let's cut to the brass tacks.

1122
01:03:09,036 --> 01:03:12,873
You got the money?
Yeah, I got the money.

1123
01:03:14,166 --> 01:03:17,711
Do you got the item?
Yeah, we got the item.

1124
01:03:17,878 --> 01:03:19,505
All right.

1125
01:03:21,048 --> 01:03:23,884
<i>HARRISON:
Hi, I'm Harrison. What's your name?</i>

1126
01:03:24,051 --> 01:03:25,594
Oh, shut up.

1127
01:03:25,761 --> 01:03:29,223
<i>HARRISON: Hi, Shut Up. Nice to meet you.
Ha-ha-ha.</i>

1128
01:03:29,389 --> 01:03:32,434
I really hate these things.

1129
01:03:32,601 --> 01:03:34,061
Okay, let's see the cash.

1130
01:03:34,520 --> 01:03:37,731
There it is.
My associate will count it.

1131
01:03:39,107 --> 01:03:42,736
It's all there.
Oh, yeah, we're gonna find out if it's all there.

1132
01:03:43,487 --> 01:03:45,489
How's it look? Great.

1133
01:03:47,658 --> 01:03:50,327
HARRISON: Heh-heh.
Looks like your quest is over, Larry.

1134
01:03:50,744 --> 01:03:53,413
Oh, man.
This is finally gonna be over.

1135
01:03:53,580 --> 01:03:54,915
[SIREN WAILING]

1136
01:03:55,082 --> 01:03:56,583
COP 1 :
Police! Everybody freeze!

1137
01:03:58,919 --> 01:04:01,588
I knew they were monitoring my phone.
Put your hands up.

1138
01:04:03,048 --> 01:04:04,758
Don't shoot.
My father's a veteran.

1139
01:04:04,925 --> 01:04:08,929
Sebastian, hide the evidence.
Hey, you ain't going anywhere with that bear.

1140
01:04:09,096 --> 01:04:10,264
Uh-oh.

1141
01:04:11,014 --> 01:04:12,099
[GROANING]

1142
01:04:13,100 --> 01:04:15,102
COP 2: Freeze.
JEFFREY: Ah!

1143
01:04:15,269 --> 01:04:17,271
Hi. Um...

1144
01:04:17,938 --> 01:04:21,108
There's gotta be a better way
to get your Christmas shopping done.

1145
01:04:21,275 --> 01:04:23,277
[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]

1146
01:04:24,027 --> 01:04:25,153
I didn't steal those bears.

1147
01:04:25,320 --> 01:04:29,074
Just because I work at a toy store
doesn't mean those bears came from that store.

1148
01:04:29,241 --> 01:04:31,535
I'm sure the judge
will wanna hear all about that.

1149
01:04:31,702 --> 01:04:34,788
Thank you. We'll be in touch
in case we need you two as witnesses.

1150
01:04:34,955 --> 01:04:38,792
What are you gonna do with all them bears?
They're being impounded as evidence.

1151
01:04:38,959 --> 01:04:41,879
You think maybe I could get one
for my daughter for Christmas?

1152
01:04:42,045 --> 01:04:45,591
I'm sorry, sir, we can't do that.
But you have so many. We just need one.

1153
01:04:45,757 --> 01:04:46,967
Yeah, <i>I'll</i> even buy one.

1154
01:04:47,134 --> 01:04:49,595
I'm sorry, sir.
They all have to be accounted for.

1155
01:04:49,761 --> 01:04:52,472
You two have a good night.
Happy holidays.

1156
01:04:52,639 --> 01:04:56,810
Yeah, and a merry Christmas to you too
and all that-- All that other stuff.

1157
01:04:56,977 --> 01:05:00,314
Well, at least we got the money back.

1158
01:05:00,480 --> 01:05:02,858
Well, that's good.
Yeah.

1159
01:05:05,736 --> 01:05:08,322
If I tell you something,
you promise not to laugh at me?

1160
01:05:08,488 --> 01:05:09,656
Sure.

1161
01:05:09,823 --> 01:05:14,119
When that elf flipped me,
I pooped my pants a little.

1162
01:05:21,543 --> 01:05:25,339
MAGGIE: You guys going
to the tree lighting tonight? Looks fun.

1163
01:05:25,505 --> 01:05:28,008
I'm going. You going, Lar?

1164
01:05:28,175 --> 01:05:29,468
Hmm?

1165
01:05:29,760 --> 01:05:32,596
You know what, Claude?
I'm beginning to think you were right.

1166
01:05:32,763 --> 01:05:33,847
Really?

1167
01:05:34,014 --> 01:05:35,349
About what?

1168
01:05:35,515 --> 01:05:38,018
It's ridiculous to think
I could compete with Victor.

1169
01:05:38,185 --> 01:05:41,605
Oh, it's about time.
It is about time.

1170
01:05:41,772 --> 01:05:44,566
It's about time I realized
that Christmas is about giving...

1171
01:05:44,733 --> 01:05:46,777
...not who's taking credit for something.

1172
01:05:46,944 --> 01:05:50,697
And it's about spending time with my
daughter, not fighting with her stepdad.

1173
01:05:50,864 --> 01:05:52,950
That's the spirit.

1174
01:05:53,241 --> 01:05:56,161
I'm really glad to hear you say that, Larry.
Yeah. Yeah.

1175
01:05:56,328 --> 01:05:57,579
Tell you what.

1176
01:05:57,746 --> 01:06:02,876
What a better time than a tree lighting to show
a little peace and goodwill toward Victor?

1177
01:06:03,043 --> 01:06:07,381
I mean, you know, there's plenty of room
for both of us in Noel's life.

1178
01:06:07,547 --> 01:06:09,132
Besides--
MAGGIE: Hey, check this out.

1179
01:06:09,299 --> 01:06:12,010
<i>Parents everywhere have been frustrated
this Christmas...</i>

1180
01:06:12,177 --> 01:06:16,640
<i>...by the fact that there are no more
Harrison Talking Bears on toy shelves.</i>

1181
01:06:16,807 --> 01:06:21,395
<i>How do you look your kid in the eye and tell him
Santa can't give him the one thing he wants?</i>

1182
01:06:21,561 --> 01:06:25,399
<i>She looks up at me and says,
"But, Mommy, it's the only thing I want."</i>

1183
01:06:25,565 --> 01:06:27,317
<i>It just breaks my heart.</i>

1184
01:06:27,484 --> 01:06:30,570
<i>But there is a new wrinkle
that has developed in this story.</i>

1185
01:06:30,737 --> 01:06:34,241
<i>According to various reports
and in the words of one manager...</i>

1186
01:06:34,408 --> 01:06:39,871
<i>...there were plenty of Harrison Talking Bears
in stock as recently as a few days ago.</i>

1187
01:06:40,038 --> 01:06:43,583
<i>But according to various witnesses
in toy stores...</i>

1188
01:06:43,750 --> 01:06:46,253
<i>...all the remaining Harrison Bears
were bought up...</i>

1189
01:06:46,420 --> 01:06:50,424
<i>...by the same unidentified white male
in large lots...</i>

1190
01:06:50,590 --> 01:06:54,011
<i>...perhaps to be sold on the black market
to desperate parents.</i>

1191
01:06:54,177 --> 01:06:58,932
<i>And so it would seem someone somewhere
is hoarding Harrison Talking Bears.</i>

1192
01:06:59,099 --> 01:07:01,268
For Channel One News...
That is crazy.

1193
01:07:01,435 --> 01:07:05,397
Yeah. I mean, somebody would have
to have a whole lot of money...

1194
01:07:05,564 --> 01:07:07,733
...to buy every single bear in town.

1195
01:07:09,484 --> 01:07:13,113
And who do we know
that has a whole lot of money?

1196
01:07:13,280 --> 01:07:16,074
You don't think Victor
had something to do with this, do you?

1197
01:07:16,241 --> 01:07:18,827
Yeah, Claude, I do.

1198
01:07:18,994 --> 01:07:20,871
Claude, he knows. He knows.

1199
01:07:21,038 --> 01:07:23,373
He must have found out
what was in Noel's letter.

1200
01:07:24,458 --> 01:07:28,253
Man, I'm out of here.
<i>I'll</i> see you down at the tree lighting later.

1201
01:07:28,420 --> 01:07:29,629
Where are you going?

1202
01:07:29,796 --> 01:07:32,924
If Victor's been buying these bears,
I know where he's keeping them.

1203
01:07:33,091 --> 01:07:35,802
I'm gonna go there,
I'm gonna get me one of them bears.

1204
01:07:36,261 --> 01:07:40,098
When I get one, down goes Victor.

1205
01:07:52,319 --> 01:07:54,821
MAN: Good night, Betsy.
BETSY: See you at the ceremony.

1206
01:07:56,156 --> 01:07:57,657
[EXHALES]

1207
01:07:59,701 --> 01:08:01,286
LARRY:
Hey, you closing early?

1208
01:08:01,453 --> 01:08:04,498
Our company is sponsoring
the tree-lighting event this evening.

1209
01:08:04,664 --> 01:08:06,458
A lot of us are heading over there.

1210
01:08:06,625 --> 01:08:09,961
Hey, that's good.
Well, I got a package here for Victor Baxter.

1211
01:08:10,128 --> 01:08:13,298
Oh, thanks. I can sign for it.
You ain't gonna believe this.

1212
01:08:13,465 --> 01:08:17,344
A couple of women on their way in thought
I looked like Brad Pitt. You believe that?

1213
01:08:17,511 --> 01:08:18,762
Yeah, a little. Yeah.

1214
01:08:18,929 --> 01:08:23,016
Heh. All right. Hey, do me a favor.
Make sure this gets up to him fast, okay?

1215
01:08:23,183 --> 01:08:26,394
It says "urgent" right on there.
<i>I'll</i> take it up to him right away.

1216
01:08:26,561 --> 01:08:30,107
Good. And tell him it has something to do
with Operation Who's Your Daddy.

1217
01:08:31,650 --> 01:08:33,026
And I hate doing it to you.

1218
01:08:33,819 --> 01:08:35,695
You got a toilet in here? Poo.

1219
01:08:36,947 --> 01:08:41,118
Yeah.
Yes. It's just down the hall on the right.

1220
01:08:42,285 --> 01:08:45,580
You're a lifesaver. Ha, ha.
Merry Christmas to you.

1221
01:08:45,747 --> 01:08:49,209
Brad Pitt. Ha-ha-ha.
Brad Pitt.

1222
01:08:50,585 --> 01:08:52,003
VICTOR:
Yeah. Yeah.

1223
01:08:52,170 --> 01:08:55,215
Oh, Mr. Baxter.
Yeah, I'm leaving now.

1224
01:08:55,382 --> 01:08:58,385
Yeah. <i>I'll</i> see you downtown
right next to the tree. Love you too.

1225
01:08:58,552 --> 01:09:01,888
Perfect timing. I was just
bringing this package up to you.

1226
01:09:02,347 --> 01:09:04,683
It just arrived. They said it was urgent.
VICTOR: Thanks.

1227
01:09:04,850 --> 01:09:08,603
And the delivery guy said it was
for something called, um...

1228
01:09:08,770 --> 01:09:10,522
...Operation Who's Your Daddy.

1229
01:09:11,439 --> 01:09:14,651
Really? Hm.
It must be from Welling.

1230
01:09:14,818 --> 01:09:18,071
I'll see you at the tree lighting.
I'm looking forward to your speech.

1231
01:09:18,238 --> 01:09:19,531
VICTOR:
Me too. Heh, heh.

1232
01:09:28,707 --> 01:09:29,749
[CHUCKLES]

1233
01:09:29,916 --> 01:09:31,918
That's right, Victor.

1234
01:09:32,085 --> 01:09:35,338
Take me right to Harrison.

1235
01:09:35,505 --> 01:09:38,133
["WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

1236
01:09:38,300 --> 01:09:40,177
Ah. Oh.

1237
01:09:40,343 --> 01:09:41,469
CHORUS [SINGING]:
We wish you

1238
01:09:41,636 --> 01:09:43,597
Where is Victor Baxter?

1239
01:09:43,763 --> 01:09:46,558
<i>And a happy new year</i>

1240
01:09:46,725 --> 01:09:48,101
Oh, no, no, no.

1241
01:09:48,643 --> 01:09:50,812
<i>To you and your kin</i>

1242
01:09:50,979 --> 01:09:52,856
<i>We wish you a merry</i>

1243
01:09:53,023 --> 01:09:56,067
It's empty- That-S the point.

1244
01:09:56,234 --> 01:09:57,235
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

1245
01:09:57,402 --> 01:09:58,820
<i>A figgy pudding</i>

1246
01:09:58,987 --> 01:10:01,907
Go, go!

1247
01:10:02,073 --> 01:10:05,619
No, no, do not touch that.
MAGGIE: Hey, this is so beautiful.

1248
01:10:05,785 --> 01:10:08,079
Where's Larry?
Last-minute Christmas shopping.

1249
01:10:08,246 --> 01:10:10,582
Did he find that bear?
We'll see.

1250
01:10:10,749 --> 01:10:13,460
Oh, hey, Sharon, Mike. Hi.

1251
01:10:13,627 --> 01:10:16,213
Now, this is what I call...
The Christmas spirit.

1252
01:10:16,379 --> 01:10:18,423
Indeed.
Indeed.

1253
01:10:18,590 --> 01:10:20,634
This is so beautiful.

1254
01:10:20,800 --> 01:10:25,555
And our family's putting on the event.
That's right, sweet pea. Heh, heh.

1255
01:11:10,684 --> 01:11:12,185
[BEEPING]

1256
01:11:14,854 --> 01:11:16,273
[SIGHS]

1257
01:11:23,697 --> 01:11:27,200
Is this supposed to be a joke?
Yeah, and you're the punch line.

1258
01:11:30,537 --> 01:11:32,163
Biscuits and gravy.

1259
01:11:32,330 --> 01:11:34,541
Larry, this is not what it looks like.

1260
01:11:34,708 --> 01:11:38,211
It looks like you've been buying
these Harrison Bears so I can't get one.

1261
01:11:38,586 --> 01:11:40,463
Okay, maybe it is what it looks like.

1262
01:11:40,630 --> 01:11:44,509
Well, that's the lowest of the low, Victor.
You know that? You're an idiot.

1263
01:11:44,676 --> 01:11:48,847
To get back at me, you're gonna make sure
Noel don't get the Christmas she most wants.

1264
01:11:49,014 --> 01:11:52,559
No, no, no. She's gonna get
a Harrison Talking Bear, all right.

1265
01:11:52,726 --> 01:11:55,812
Only it's coming from her new dad
instead of her old one.

1266
01:11:55,979 --> 01:12:00,066
It will be the first present she opens.
When she opens it up, know what she'll say?

1267
01:12:00,233 --> 01:12:02,235
"Thanks,
but I already got a Harrison Bear.

1268
01:12:02,402 --> 01:12:05,405
Dad gave it to me at the tree lighting."
You wouldn't dare.

1269
01:12:05,572 --> 01:12:08,908
The last couple of days, you'd be
surprised what I'd do for my daughter.

1270
01:12:09,075 --> 01:12:10,869
Is that a leak?
No, we don't have--

1271
01:12:11,036 --> 01:12:13,705
Hey, not so fast.
See you later.

1272
01:12:14,414 --> 01:12:16,291
Get off me. Ah!

1273
01:12:16,458 --> 01:12:17,709
VICTOR:
Get off me.

1274
01:12:17,876 --> 01:12:19,961
[BOTH GROAN]

1275
01:12:20,128 --> 01:12:23,131
Great. Now look what you've done.

1276
01:12:23,298 --> 01:12:25,925
I didn't do nothing.
I ain't gonna pay for a new handle.

1277
01:12:26,092 --> 01:12:28,553
No, you idiot. We're locked in.

1278
01:12:28,720 --> 01:12:31,514
What do you mean we're locked in?
I mean we're locked in.

1279
01:12:31,681 --> 01:12:32,724
Are you kidding me?

1280
01:12:34,225 --> 01:12:38,563
Hey! Ain't you got another door,
like another way out or something?

1281
01:12:38,730 --> 01:12:41,775
Afraid not. And no one's coming
back for two days.

1282
01:12:42,609 --> 01:12:46,780
You mean we're trapped in here for two days?
I'm gonna miss Christmas with my little girl?

1283
01:12:46,946 --> 01:12:49,449
And I'm gonna have to spend it
with you? Help!

1284
01:12:49,616 --> 01:12:53,286
Hello! Hey! Open sesame!

1285
01:12:53,495 --> 01:12:54,537
[POUNDING ON DOOR]

1286
01:12:54,704 --> 01:12:55,872
Help!

1287
01:12:57,082 --> 01:12:59,709
You're wasting your time.
It's locked from the outside.

1288
01:12:59,876 --> 01:13:01,628
[GRUNTING]

1289
01:13:01,795 --> 01:13:04,297
Nice job, genius.

1290
01:13:04,714 --> 01:13:05,924
What?

1291
01:13:07,467 --> 01:13:08,885
[SCREAMING]

1292
01:13:09,052 --> 01:13:10,303
HARRISON:
Hi, <i>I</i> 'm Harrison.

1293
01:13:11,888 --> 01:13:13,264
VICTOR [RECORDING]:
Leave a message.

1294
01:13:13,431 --> 01:13:15,767
Hi, Victor. Just wondering
where you are.

1295
01:13:15,934 --> 01:13:18,603
We're here at the tree-lighting ceremony.

1296
01:13:18,770 --> 01:13:21,981
I guess we'll just see you when you get here.
Okay. Bye.

1297
01:13:22,482 --> 01:13:24,818
Is Victor coming soon?

1298
01:13:24,984 --> 01:13:28,279
He's probably on his way right now.
Come on.

1299
01:13:28,446 --> 01:13:29,781
MARGO:
Excuse me.

1300
01:13:29,948 --> 01:13:33,993
Hi, are you Nate Welling, head of
security for Baxter Box Company?

1301
01:13:34,869 --> 01:13:37,080
Yes.
Would you like to comment...

1302
01:13:37,247 --> 01:13:40,083
...on the sudden shortage
of Harrison Talking Bears...

1303
01:13:40,250 --> 01:13:41,751
...in toy stores all over town?

1304
01:13:41,918 --> 01:13:43,795
I was not aware of that.

1305
01:13:43,962 --> 01:13:47,090
You were not aware
that a man has been going around...

1306
01:13:47,257 --> 01:13:50,427
...and buying up all
the Harrison Talking Bears in bulk...

1307
01:13:50,593 --> 01:13:53,012
...thereby creating a shortage
just before Christmas?

1308
01:13:53,680 --> 01:13:56,015
WELLING:
Well, I know about it now.

1309
01:13:56,182 --> 01:13:58,935
It seems that every bear
has been bought and paid for...

1310
01:13:59,102 --> 01:14:01,980
...by a Baxter Box Company credit card.

1311
01:14:02,147 --> 01:14:04,858
And all the bears
have been signed and paid for...

1312
01:14:05,024 --> 01:14:07,485
...by someone named N. Welling.

1313
01:14:08,319 --> 01:14:11,364
That would be you, wouldn't it?
Not necessarily.

1314
01:14:11,531 --> 01:14:15,660
Oh, so there is more than one N. Welling
working at Baxter Box Company?

1315
01:14:15,827 --> 01:14:19,789
Why would I buy up Harrison Talking Bears?
I don't even have kids. Heh.

1316
01:14:19,956 --> 01:14:24,127
How about Victor Baxter,
the president of Baxter Box Company?

1317
01:14:24,294 --> 01:14:27,547
Would he have something to do with this?
No, absolutely not.

1318
01:14:28,173 --> 01:14:31,843
Oh, so this is something
that you are doing on your own.

1319
01:14:32,010 --> 01:14:34,220
You greedy jerk.

1320
01:14:34,888 --> 01:14:37,974
My little girl wanted one of those
bears more than anything else.

1321
01:14:38,141 --> 01:14:39,559
You ruined her Christmas.

1322
01:14:39,767 --> 01:14:40,810
[CROWD GRUMBLING]

1323
01:14:40,977 --> 01:14:42,812
No comment.

1324
01:14:42,979 --> 01:14:44,147
I mean--
WOMAN 1: How dare you?

1325
01:14:44,314 --> 01:14:47,066
Shame on you.
I wasn't trying to ruin anyone's Christmas.

1326
01:14:47,275 --> 01:14:48,318
[CROWD GRUMBLING]

1327
01:14:48,485 --> 01:14:52,155
Well, then what were you trying
to do, then, Mr. Welling?

1328
01:14:52,322 --> 01:14:55,325
WOMAN 2: What's the deal here?
Yeah, what's going on?

1329
01:14:55,492 --> 01:14:57,911
What is the meaning of this?
We want the truth.

1330
01:14:58,077 --> 01:14:59,454
We want the truth.

1331
01:14:59,621 --> 01:15:03,124
<i>ALL [CHANTING]:
We want the truth! We want the truth!</i>

1332
01:15:03,291 --> 01:15:06,044
It wasn't me.
It was Victor Baxter.

1333
01:15:06,211 --> 01:15:07,504
[ALL GASP]

1334
01:15:07,670 --> 01:15:11,341
He made me buy up all the bears. I was
just doing what my employer told me to.

1335
01:15:11,508 --> 01:15:14,594
WOMAN 3: How dare you?
80 Victor Baxter is responsible for this.

1336
01:15:18,306 --> 01:15:20,850
Yes.
You big meanie.

1337
01:15:21,017 --> 01:15:22,435
WOMAN 4: Shame on you.
Hey!

1338
01:15:22,602 --> 01:15:24,270
[ALL CLAMORING]

1339
01:15:24,437 --> 01:15:25,730
[WELLING GRUNTING]

1340
01:15:30,235 --> 01:15:32,612
HARRISON 1: Hey.
I'm about to teach you a little humility.

1341
01:15:32,779 --> 01:15:35,114
<i>HARRISON 2:
Harrison loves exercise.</i>

1342
01:15:36,115 --> 01:15:37,492
Let's play.
Yeah, well--

1343
01:15:37,700 --> 01:15:39,452
HARRISON 3: Hey, that's--
Humility this.

1344
01:15:39,619 --> 01:15:41,621
<i>HARRISON 4:
Will you be my friend? I love you.</i>

1345
01:15:41,788 --> 01:15:43,957
[IMITATING BRUCE LEE]

1346
01:15:46,501 --> 01:15:49,128
What the heck was that?
I'm warning you.

1347
01:15:49,295 --> 01:15:52,215
I've watched The <i>Matrix</i> 37 times.

1348
01:15:52,382 --> 01:15:55,343
HARRISON 5: <i>Let's play.</i>
Well, you need to get out of the house more.

1349
01:15:55,510 --> 01:15:58,137
Hua-hua!
Let's bear-knuckle it, boys.

1350
01:15:58,638 --> 01:15:59,639
Hua-hua-hua!
That's it.

1351
01:16:02,267 --> 01:16:03,726
Come on, son.

1352
01:16:06,312 --> 01:16:07,480
Come on.

1353
01:16:09,065 --> 01:16:12,902
Hit him with the southpaw.
That's a good one. Right there.

1354
01:16:15,488 --> 01:16:17,824
Time-out. Time-out. Time-out.
HARRISON 6: That tickles.

1355
01:16:17,991 --> 01:16:19,492
[HARRISON 6 LAUGHS]

1356
01:16:19,659 --> 01:16:22,328
You know you started this whole thing,
you know.

1357
01:16:22,495 --> 01:16:25,498
Talking about what we're gonna do
for Christmas in front of Noel.

1358
01:16:25,665 --> 01:16:28,167
I admit that was a mistake.

1359
01:16:28,334 --> 01:16:31,838
It's my first Christmas with Noel,
and I wanted it to go well.

1360
01:16:32,672 --> 01:16:36,801
Besides, I've never been a dad before.
You're a stepdad.

1361
01:16:36,968 --> 01:16:39,596
And there it is right there!

1362
01:16:39,762 --> 01:16:42,098
What? Where? What?
"What? Where? What?"

1363
01:16:42,265 --> 01:16:46,644
The way you just said "stepdad."
Like it was some kind of lower form of life.

1364
01:16:47,812 --> 01:16:49,230
[SIGHS]

1365
01:16:49,439 --> 01:16:53,359
You know, it is not easy competing
with Mr. Perfect-Dad, you know.

1366
01:16:53,526 --> 01:16:56,321
Perfect-Dad? Ha-ha.
Are you kidding me?

1367
01:16:56,487 --> 01:16:59,699
By avoiding any semblance
of responsibility...

1368
01:16:59,866 --> 01:17:02,076
...you're always happy and relaxed.

1369
01:17:02,243 --> 01:17:04,871
And since you work as little
as possible...

1370
01:17:05,038 --> 01:17:08,875
...you're always free to take her places
and do things with her.

1371
01:17:09,042 --> 01:17:13,671
Ha-ha. So that's it. So since you think
I'm a failure, I'm a winner in Noel's eyes.

1372
01:17:15,298 --> 01:17:16,591
Let me tell you something...

1373
01:17:16,758 --> 01:17:20,303
...Mr. I-Paid-$40,000-to-Get-All-These
Harrison-Bears-So-l-Couldn't-Get-One.

1374
01:17:20,470 --> 01:17:23,222
I pay all my taxes.
I don't owe a cent to anybody.

1375
01:17:23,389 --> 01:17:26,559
I ain't never took a handout,
and I take care of my support for Noel.

1376
01:17:26,726 --> 01:17:30,396
And I ain't gotta apologize to anybody
for nothing, especially you!

1377
01:17:31,731 --> 01:17:33,191
Okay, fair enough.

1378
01:17:33,358 --> 01:17:35,902
Well, try explaining that
to a little 8-year-old girl...

1379
01:17:36,069 --> 01:17:38,863
...whose stepdad lives in a mansion
and has a chef...

1380
01:17:39,030 --> 01:17:42,200
...and can buy her anything he wants
anytime she wants it.

1381
01:17:42,367 --> 01:17:46,371
Okay, I see.
So the problem is I'm too successful.

1382
01:17:46,537 --> 01:17:50,792
Well, let me tell you something, bub. Like you,
I have never taken anything from anybody.

1383
01:17:50,958 --> 01:17:52,460
I work hard for what I have.

1384
01:17:52,627 --> 01:17:56,089
Victor, I'm not begrudging your success,
okay? I'm very happy for you.

1385
01:17:56,255 --> 01:17:59,384
It ain't about that, all right?

1386
01:17:59,550 --> 01:18:01,928
It's about Noel.

1387
01:18:02,095 --> 01:18:06,391
It's about me trying to compete
with you. I can't do it.

1388
01:18:07,767 --> 01:18:10,395
I'm not sure
I'm ever gonna learn to like you, okay?

1389
01:18:10,561 --> 01:18:13,439
Or me you.
But because of Noel...

1390
01:18:13,606 --> 01:18:15,942
...I'm stuck with you,
and you're stuck with me.

1391
01:18:16,109 --> 01:18:19,237
So we gotta figure out a way
to get along, okay?

1392
01:18:19,904 --> 01:18:24,242
Okay. Agreed. That doesn't change
the fact that we're still stuck in here.

1393
01:18:24,409 --> 01:18:26,160
We need to find some way to get out...

1394
01:18:26,327 --> 01:18:29,539
...or Noel ain't gonna have any one
of her dads there for Christmas.

1395
01:18:29,706 --> 01:18:31,666
Cell phones.

1396
01:18:31,833 --> 01:18:34,293
Come on. Here we go.

1397
01:18:37,296 --> 01:18:40,049
I got no reception.
Me either. Metal building.

1398
01:18:40,216 --> 01:18:41,592
[GROANS]

1399
01:18:42,427 --> 01:18:46,055
Hey. That's a good one. I haven't seen that one.
Heh-heh. You like it?

1400
01:18:46,222 --> 01:18:47,974
VICTOR: Look at that.
Ha! Look at that.

1401
01:18:48,141 --> 01:18:50,893
Look at that umbrella she got.
Heh-heh.

1402
01:18:51,060 --> 01:18:53,980
I'll tell you what, that's from us
at the fair.

1403
01:18:55,815 --> 01:18:59,485
Well, we gotta get out of here.
Yes, we do.

1404
01:18:59,652 --> 01:19:02,321
If I got out of high school,
I can get out of this place.

1405
01:19:02,488 --> 01:19:04,782
This time it ain't gonna take
six years.

1406
01:19:04,949 --> 01:19:08,161
I'm just kidding, Vic. Five.
Wow.

1407
01:19:12,832 --> 01:19:14,459
Ho-ho!

1408
01:19:14,625 --> 01:19:16,878
Yeah. Christmas is back on, baby!

1409
01:19:17,044 --> 01:19:19,338
Well done, Larry.
Okay, here's the plan.

1410
01:19:19,505 --> 01:19:22,675
What <i>I'll</i> do then is <i>I'll</i> just head
by the Christmas-tree lighting...

1411
01:19:22,842 --> 01:19:25,219
...and <i>I'll</i> pick up Noel
for Christmas number one.

1412
01:19:25,386 --> 01:19:29,056
Then Trish and I will come by tomorrow
to pick her up for Christmas number two.

1413
01:19:29,223 --> 01:19:30,767
Yeah, I guess that'll work.

1414
01:19:30,933 --> 01:19:33,144
Why don't we do Christmas together?
Together.

1415
01:19:33,311 --> 01:19:36,022
I was just gonna say that.
I was thinking the same thing.

1416
01:19:36,189 --> 01:19:39,609
Come by my house. I'm an unbelievable
cook. I got-- I make good turkey.

1417
01:19:39,776 --> 01:19:41,527
Awesome.
All right.

1418
01:19:41,694 --> 01:19:42,695
Let's call Trish.

1419
01:19:43,029 --> 01:19:47,200
<i>ALL [CHANTING]: Down with Baxter Boxes!
Down with Baxter Boxes!</i>

1420
01:19:47,366 --> 01:19:48,868
<i>Down with Baxter Boxes!</i>

1421
01:19:49,035 --> 01:19:50,661
Victor, where have you been?

1422
01:19:50,828 --> 01:19:52,789
It's a long story.

1423
01:19:52,955 --> 01:19:56,167
Well, Larry's missing too.
He never came to pick up Noel.

1424
01:19:56,334 --> 01:19:59,337
Oh, hi, Trish. I'm here too,
which is another long story.

1425
01:19:59,504 --> 01:20:01,297
Yeah, we were just coming
to meet you.

1426
01:20:01,923 --> 01:20:05,718
Well, you better not come down, Victor.
It's gotten completely out of control.

1427
01:20:05,885 --> 01:20:07,553
What are you talking about?

1428
01:20:07,720 --> 01:20:11,390
Somehow everyone's gotten the idea
that you bought up all the Harrison Bears...

1429
01:20:11,557 --> 01:20:13,601
...so that no one else could have one.

1430
01:20:13,768 --> 01:20:14,977
Is that true?

1431
01:20:16,062 --> 01:20:19,065
In a manner of speaking,
it's another long story.

1432
01:20:19,232 --> 01:20:20,566
I'll explain it all later.

1433
01:20:20,733 --> 01:20:26,072
Well, they're calling you Ebenezer Baxter
and Victor the Grinch.

1434
01:20:26,239 --> 01:20:29,617
You just shouldn't even show
your face down here, Victor.

1435
01:20:29,784 --> 01:20:31,410
It's not safe.

1436
01:20:31,577 --> 01:20:35,039
All right. Thanks for the heads-up.
Bye,hon.

1437
01:20:38,417 --> 01:20:39,544
Whew.

1438
01:20:39,710 --> 01:20:43,589
Come on, honey.
Why is everybody so mad at Victor?

1439
01:20:43,756 --> 01:20:47,593
It's, uh... It's complicated. Heh.

1440
01:20:47,760 --> 01:20:51,222
VICTOR: The Baxter name has been one
of the most respected in town for 70 years...

1441
01:20:51,389 --> 01:20:53,599
...and in one night, I destroy it.

1442
01:20:53,766 --> 01:20:55,518
Hold on, Victor.

1443
01:20:55,685 --> 01:20:59,272
Even though you deserve everything
you got coming to you...

1444
01:20:59,438 --> 01:21:01,190
...I feel sorry for you, okay?

1445
01:21:01,357 --> 01:21:05,111
Thank you. But, Larry, everyone hates me.
Everybody doesn't hate you.

1446
01:21:05,278 --> 01:21:06,320
Trish likes you.

1447
01:21:06,487 --> 01:21:08,823
Well, she's married to me.
She has to like me.

1448
01:21:08,990 --> 01:21:10,867
Well, Noel likes you.

1449
01:21:11,951 --> 01:21:13,452
Really?
Yeah.

1450
01:21:14,453 --> 01:21:16,289
Gotta say, I think she loves you.

1451
01:21:19,083 --> 01:21:22,712
And <i>I'll</i> be honest. I'm kind of starting
to not dislike like you myself.

1452
01:21:22,879 --> 01:21:24,547
[CHUCKLES]

1453
01:21:24,714 --> 01:21:25,840
Ah.

1454
01:21:26,007 --> 01:21:29,886
I guess I should head home
and barricade the doors for the angry mob.

1455
01:21:31,012 --> 01:21:33,306
Hey, wait a second.

1456
01:21:33,639 --> 01:21:35,808
We're going to
that Christmas-tree lighting.

1457
01:21:35,975 --> 01:21:38,561
Whoa. Are you crazy?
Did you hear what she said?

1458
01:21:38,728 --> 01:21:41,689
They'll kill me. I can't go back there.
I got an idea.

1459
01:21:41,856 --> 01:21:45,818
If it works, you're gonna go from town goat
to town hero in about 10 minutes.

1460
01:21:45,985 --> 01:21:47,486
And if you're wrong?

1461
01:21:48,154 --> 01:21:49,780
I'll be one of your pallbearers.

1462
01:21:49,947 --> 01:21:51,574
[SIGHS]

1463
01:21:52,992 --> 01:21:55,077
Dead man walking.

1464
01:21:55,244 --> 01:21:59,540
<i>ALL [CHANTING]: Down with Baxter Boxes!
Down with Baxter Boxes!</i>

1465
01:21:59,707 --> 01:22:02,835
<i>Down with Baxter Boxes!
Down with Baxter Boxes!</i>

1466
01:22:03,002 --> 01:22:04,670
[HORN HONKING]

1467
01:22:04,837 --> 01:22:07,965
Hey. Hey, there's the Baxter Box truck.

1468
01:22:08,132 --> 01:22:10,134
[CROWD BOOING]

1469
01:22:17,183 --> 01:22:19,685
[ALL JEERING]

1470
01:22:21,479 --> 01:22:23,773
LARRY: Victor, are you ready?
I don't know about this.

1471
01:22:23,940 --> 01:22:28,027
It's gonna take a miracle for this to work.
It's Christmas. It's a time for miracles.

1472
01:22:28,194 --> 01:22:31,280
Just have a little faith, buddy.
Well, you know, I just--

1473
01:22:35,451 --> 01:22:38,454
Can I have your attention, please?
Can I have your attention--?

1474
01:22:38,621 --> 01:22:41,207
Can I have your attention, please?

1475
01:22:41,374 --> 01:22:43,292
What's Daddy doing?

1476
01:22:43,459 --> 01:22:46,003
I don't know what he's doing,
sweetheart.

1477
01:22:48,339 --> 01:22:51,467
Come on, stop. Would you knock it off?
I'm trying to say something.

1478
01:22:51,634 --> 01:22:53,219
I'm trying to speak!

1479
01:22:53,386 --> 01:22:55,388
[ALL JEERING]

1480
01:22:57,640 --> 01:23:00,142
[MAGGIE WHISTLES]

1481
01:23:00,685 --> 01:23:03,562
Everybody, please, just zip it.

1482
01:23:03,729 --> 01:23:05,856
Let the man speak! Ha.

1483
01:23:06,023 --> 01:23:07,650
Please.
Thank you.

1484
01:23:07,817 --> 01:23:12,071
Apparently, a lot of y'all here this evening
have been given some inaccurate information...

1485
01:23:12,238 --> 01:23:14,699
...about Victor Baxter and Baxter Boxes.

1486
01:23:14,865 --> 01:23:16,909
[CROWD MURMURING]

1487
01:23:17,076 --> 01:23:18,828
Hold on! Let me speak!

1488
01:23:19,328 --> 01:23:22,498
I'm here to tell you you got it
all wrong about Victor Baxter.

1489
01:23:22,665 --> 01:23:26,711
He's not here to ruin Christmas.
He's here to make it better.

1490
01:23:26,877 --> 01:23:29,296
No! Listen! Just hold on! Pfft!

1491
01:23:29,463 --> 01:23:35,177
Cool it! This whole thing was a surprise
by the Baxter Box Company...

1492
01:23:35,344 --> 01:23:38,764
...and it has been planned for a long time,
and it fooled even me.

1493
01:23:38,931 --> 01:23:41,225
Let me show you what I mean.
Everybody, follow me.

1494
01:23:41,392 --> 01:23:42,601
Please. Follow me, please.

1495
01:23:42,768 --> 01:23:45,354
Stand back. Follow me.
MAN 1: Seriously, no more lying--

1496
01:23:45,521 --> 01:23:47,398
Hold on.
Ladies and gentlemen...

1497
01:23:47,565 --> 01:23:51,068
...compliments of Victor Baxter
and the Baxter Box Company...

1498
01:23:51,235 --> 01:23:53,612
...merry Christmas.

1499
01:23:53,779 --> 01:23:55,197
[ALL GASPING]

1500
01:23:57,283 --> 01:23:59,118
Look at it, Mommy.

1501
01:23:59,535 --> 01:24:02,038
So many bears.
The bears!

1502
01:24:03,581 --> 01:24:04,957
Victor, say your line.

1503
01:24:05,499 --> 01:24:07,793
What line? Huh?
Your line.

1504
01:24:07,960 --> 01:24:11,797
Oh. Ho-ho-ho. Ho.

1505
01:24:11,964 --> 01:24:14,800
Merry Christmas
from Baxter Box Company.

1506
01:24:14,967 --> 01:24:19,889
Um, I have free Harrison Bears
for everybody who wants one.

1507
01:24:20,056 --> 01:24:22,433
[ALL CHEERING]

1508
01:24:26,645 --> 01:24:28,064
WOMAN 2:
It's a miracle.

1509
01:24:32,985 --> 01:24:34,236
Yeah?

1510
01:24:35,446 --> 01:24:37,656
VICTOR:
Merry Christmas.

1511
01:24:38,199 --> 01:24:39,658
There you are.
Merry Christmas.

1512
01:24:39,825 --> 01:24:40,868
Yeah? Hey, Lar.

1513
01:24:41,035 --> 01:24:42,995
I owe you one.
Darn right you do.

1514
01:24:43,162 --> 01:24:45,331
Don't think I'm gonna let you forget
about it later.

1515
01:24:45,498 --> 01:24:46,832
[VICTOR CHUCKLES]

1516
01:24:47,249 --> 01:24:51,003
WOMAN 3: Thank you. Thank you so much.
HARRISON: <i>Happy</i> holidays.

1517
01:24:51,754 --> 01:24:54,006
Thank you, Santa.
Merry Christmas.

1518
01:24:55,674 --> 01:25:00,179
Merry Christmas to everybody
from Baxter Boxes! Ha-ha-ha.

1519
01:25:00,346 --> 01:25:02,181
Ho-ho-ho.

1520
01:25:02,389 --> 01:25:04,683
[CROWD CHEERING]

1521
01:25:10,564 --> 01:25:13,484
[ERIC VASQUEZ'S "DOWNTOWN CHRISTMAS"
PLAYING]

1522
01:25:15,528 --> 01:25:19,740
<i>MAN [SINGING]: Downtown Christmas
Baby, take</i> a <i>ride with me</i>

1523
01:25:20,533 --> 01:25:23,953
<i>Yes, on a cold Christmas night
Downtown is where I wanna be</i>

1524
01:25:24,120 --> 01:25:26,580
NOEL: Can I open my present now, please?
LARRY: Yeah.

1525
01:25:26,747 --> 01:25:29,041
VICTOR: This one is from me.
And me.

1526
01:25:29,208 --> 01:25:30,501
Okay, it's from both of you.

1527
01:25:31,001 --> 01:25:34,338
Right, guys?
That's right. It was my idea, though.

1528
01:25:34,505 --> 01:25:36,298
[GASPING]

1529
01:25:41,720 --> 01:25:43,681
What is it? Ah.

1530
01:25:43,848 --> 01:25:45,516
Hey!

1531
01:25:45,683 --> 01:25:46,725
Huh?

1532
01:25:49,270 --> 01:25:51,730
TRISH: Honey?
Thanks.

1533
01:25:52,898 --> 01:25:55,985
Honey, that's a Harrison.
The Talking Bear.

1534
01:25:56,152 --> 01:25:58,988
NOEL: Yeah, I know.
Like, you handed them out at the tree lighting.

1535
01:25:59,155 --> 01:26:02,074
But wasn't Harrison what you
asked for in your letter to Santa?

1536
01:26:02,241 --> 01:26:06,495
Dad, you said you wouldn't show anyone
my letter except Santa.

1537
01:26:06,662 --> 01:26:07,788
<i>Yeah-- Uh-- Uh--</i>

1538
01:26:07,955 --> 01:26:11,625
Santa Claus dropped it the other night,
and Victor come along and picked it up.

1539
01:26:11,792 --> 01:26:16,255
I did. I did. I found it.
And then I gave it back to Larry.

1540
01:26:16,422 --> 01:26:17,965
Yeah, you sure did...

1541
01:26:18,132 --> 01:26:21,135
...and I got the letter in here. Hold on.
Look what you said here.

1542
01:26:21,302 --> 01:26:25,097
"Dear Santa: For Christmas
I want my family to get a Harrison.

1543
01:26:25,264 --> 01:26:26,557
Love, Noel."

1544
01:26:26,724 --> 01:26:28,225
No, Dad. What it says is:

1545
01:26:28,392 --> 01:26:33,772
"Dear Santa: All I want for Christmas
is my family together as one.

1546
01:26:33,939 --> 01:26:35,941
Love, me."

1547
01:26:40,613 --> 01:26:41,864
VICTOR: Huh.
LARRY: Uh-huh.

1548
01:26:42,031 --> 01:26:43,782
I get it.

1549
01:26:43,949 --> 01:26:45,159
VICTOR:
Me too.

1550
01:26:45,326 --> 01:26:47,286
"Together as...

1551
01:26:47,453 --> 01:26:48,746
...one."

1552
01:26:48,913 --> 01:26:51,624
Boy, we're a couple of doofuses,
you know that?

1553
01:26:51,790 --> 01:26:53,042
[VICTOR AND LARRY LAUGH]

1554
01:26:53,584 --> 01:26:56,795
And look, Santa gave me
exactly what I asked for.

1555
01:26:57,421 --> 01:27:01,258
My family together as one.

1556
01:27:01,425 --> 01:27:02,801
Sweetheart.

1557
01:27:03,969 --> 01:27:06,972
That's so beautiful.

1558
01:27:09,266 --> 01:27:10,267
[BELL RINGS]

1559
01:27:10,434 --> 01:27:12,937
Here we go.
Hey. Who's hungry?

1560
01:27:13,103 --> 01:27:15,898
I am.
Don't worry. <i>I'll</i> have it carved up in no time.

1561
01:27:16,065 --> 01:27:18,484
No, look, it's my house.
Let me carve that turkey.

1562
01:27:18,651 --> 01:27:21,654
Larry, the turkey is traditionally carved
by the paterfamilias.

1563
01:27:21,820 --> 01:27:24,323
There's a 7-year-old over there.
Watch your language.

1564
01:27:24,490 --> 01:27:26,492
<i>I'll</i> carve the turkey.
NOEL: I have an idea.

1565
01:27:26,659 --> 01:27:30,788
Why don't you both carve the turkey,
since you're both my dads?

1566
01:27:30,955 --> 01:27:33,290
Well, I'm here now, sweetheart.

1567
01:27:33,874 --> 01:27:34,959
Uh-oh.

1568
01:27:35,334 --> 01:27:36,669
[GROANS]

1569
01:27:36,961 --> 01:27:37,962
Oh.

1570
01:27:42,007 --> 01:27:44,969
Well, who likes it extra crispy?

1571
01:27:46,136 --> 01:27:49,139
Why don't we, uh, go out for dinner?

1572
01:27:49,306 --> 01:27:51,558
That sounds like a good idea.
Sounds good to me.

1573
01:27:51,725 --> 01:27:54,645
See? Now you two can finally agree
on something.

1574
01:27:54,812 --> 01:27:57,064
Why don't we do sushi?
We'll get Mexican.

1575
01:27:57,231 --> 01:27:59,775
Italian. Chinese.
Persian. Mediterranean?

1576
01:27:59,942 --> 01:28:01,026
LARRY: Sloppyjoe.
VICTOR: Korean. French?

1577
01:28:01,193 --> 01:28:02,361
TRISH: You guys.
LARRY: Ribs.

1578
01:28:02,528 --> 01:28:04,780
VICTOR:
Vegan. How about fondue?

1579
01:28:04,947 --> 01:28:06,949
You don't know what fondue is?
LARRY: Huh?

1580
01:28:07,116 --> 01:28:08,117
VICTOR:
Oh, Larry.

1581
01:28:09,243 --> 01:28:12,246
[TOBY RAND'S "JINGELIN"' PLAYING]

1582
01:28:12,997 --> 01:28:17,001
<i>MAN [SINGING]:
Jingle bells are here to stay</i>

1583
01:28:17,167 --> 01:28:21,046
<i>Hey, hey, life's a sleigh
I'm just along for the ride</i>

1584
01:28:21,213 --> 01:28:24,550
<i>When things get bumpy
I take it all in stride</i>

1585
01:28:24,717 --> 01:28:28,721
<i>And I know sometimes life can zig
When you want to zag</i>

1586
01:28:28,887 --> 01:28:33,142
<i>So hang on to that steering wheel
Don't let your spirit sag</i>

1587
01:28:33,309 --> 01:28:36,895
Whoa, oh, whoa, oh, oh

1588
01:28:37,062 --> 01:28:41,150
<i>Jingle, jingle all the way</i>

1589
01:28:41,317 --> 01:28:44,987
Whoa, oh, whoa, oh, oh

1590
01:28:45,154 --> 01:28:48,991
<i>Jingle, jingle are here to stay</i>

1591
01:28:49,158 --> 01:28:52,995
<i>You can handle anything
Let me tell you, here's the trick</i>

1592
01:28:53,162 --> 01:28:56,582
<i>Take the good with the bad
Just don't let the bad stuff stick</i>

1593
01:28:56,749 --> 01:29:00,878
<i>You can only go around once
Don't worry what folks say</i>

1594
01:29:01,045 --> 01:29:05,049
<i>Seize every moment
Keep jingling all the way</i>

1595
01:29:05,215 --> 01:29:08,969
Whoa, oh, whoa, oh, oh

1596
01:29:09,136 --> 01:29:13,098
<i>Jingle, jingle all the way</i>

1597
01:29:13,265 --> 01:29:16,935
Whoa, oh, whoa, oh, oh

1598
01:29:17,102 --> 01:29:21,690
<i>Jingle bells are here to stay</i>

1599
01:29:26,528 --> 01:29:29,156
<i>Yeah, I'm here to stay</i>

1600
01:29:29,323 --> 01:29:32,868
Whoa, oh, whoa, oh, oh

1601
01:29:33,035 --> 01:29:37,081
<i>Jingle, jingle all the way</i>

1602
01:29:37,247 --> 01:29:40,793
Whoa, oh, whoa, oh, oh

1603
01:29:40,959 --> 01:29:45,047
<i>No matter what may come each day</i>

1604
01:29:45,214 --> 01:29:48,675
Whoa, oh, whoa, oh, oh

1605
01:29:48,842 --> 01:29:53,722
<i>Just keep on jingling all the way</i>