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00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:05,137
(claps)
2
00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:11,343
(can rattling, hissing)
3
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,448
(dance music playing)
4
00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:25,257
Announcer:
Ladies and gentlemen,
live from Burbank, California,
5
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:27,626
it's time for "Chris!"
6
00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:30,195
- With your host, Chris.
- (cheering and applause)
7
00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:40,606
(Chris chuckling)
8
00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:43,275
- Twerk it!
- (siren blaring)
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Whoa!
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00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,113
Yeah! Yeah!
11
00:00:48,115 --> 00:00:50,582
(vocalizing)
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00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:53,419
Oh!
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00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:59,124
(crowd chanting)
Dunk your mom! Dunk your mom!
14
00:00:59,126 --> 00:01:01,393
Dunk your mom!
Dunk your mom!
15
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:04,063
- Mom!
- (chanting continues)
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00:01:06,834 --> 00:01:08,600
- (bell ringing)
- Oh!
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00:01:10,137 --> 00:01:13,572
I have the number one rated
daytime television talk show.
18
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,174
And do you know why that is?
19
00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:17,709
That's because I stay
up-to-date with trends.
20
00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:19,211
Was it--
Five years ago,
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00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:20,779
the ratings started
to take a dip.
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00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,481
And you know what I did,
is I fired my best friend
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00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:24,316
and co-host Jenny McCarthy.
24
00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:27,453
And I legally
changed my last name
to an exclamation point.
25
00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:30,556
I mean, the ratings went
through the roof, you know?
26
00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:34,293
The only problem with having
your last name be punctuation
27
00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:35,861
is I-I cannot get my mail.
28
00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:37,429
I mean, I'm not kidding.
I cannot--
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It does not come.
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00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:41,800
Now, 20 years ago,
I was busting my hump.
31
00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:44,736
Doing stand-up comedy for
groups of 50 people at a time.
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00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:47,372
But now, anyone can be seen
by millions of people
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00:01:47,374 --> 00:01:48,791
thanks to the Internet.
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00:01:48,792 --> 00:01:50,209
You know, doing stuff
that they'll probably regret.
35
00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:51,710
You know what?
And guess what...
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00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:53,879
I admit it, I've done some stuff
that I am not proud of.
37
00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:56,148
Is this my real hair color?
Uh, I think not.
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00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:58,183
Well, maybe. You know what?
You'll never know.
39
00:01:58,185 --> 00:02:00,853
Uh, have I ever lied under oath?
Mm, I don't wanna talk about it.
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00:02:00,855 --> 00:02:03,789
I don't even know why
we're talking about it, okay?
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00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,290
It's Internet.
It's happening.
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00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:06,792
It's now.
It's a face in a camera.
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It's having fun.
It's immediate.
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It's-- it's real.
It's-- it's what it is.
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00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:13,332
Six seconds, four seconds,
it doesn't even matter.
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00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:15,200
Nothing has substance.
This is it.
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00:02:15,202 --> 00:02:17,202
And guess what,
I'm gonna be here forever!
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'Cause I love it,
and I get it.
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00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,506
I get it, I get it, I get it.
This is it.
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00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:22,407
It's now.
51
00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:25,544
Okay, I think it's over, right?
This is over.
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00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:28,580
- (cheering and applause)
- Welcome back! Welcome back.
53
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:30,582
This year,
I'm very excited to announce
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00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:34,419
our very first
Web Star of the Year Award!
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00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:37,589
Yeah! Ah!
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00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:41,793
Now, the Web Star of the Year
is going to win
57
00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:44,730
their very own TV show,
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00:02:44,732 --> 00:02:47,266
which I will
executive produce.
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00:02:47,268 --> 00:02:48,800
And with the help
of you all at home,
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00:02:48,802 --> 00:02:50,802
we've narrowed down
our finalists
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00:02:50,804 --> 00:02:52,771
to the best of the best.
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And we're gonna be
announcing live
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the winner at the fifth annual
WebCon Convention
64
00:02:58,345 --> 00:03:00,879
in Anaheim, California!
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00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,915
(cheering and applause)
66
00:03:02,917 --> 00:03:07,319
And so,
the five finalists are...
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(gasps)
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Man:
Well, my life is my daughter.
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And my daughter just so happens
to be famous on the Internet.
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She was such a peach.
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I thought,
"People need to see this.
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I'ma upload this online."
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Uh, I mostly did it just to
share it with her grandmother.
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And, uh, sure enough,
it got 300,000 hits in a day.
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00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:31,910
Over a week,
it got 15 million views.
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00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:33,946
I started
thinking to myself,
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00:03:33,948 --> 00:03:36,848
"Okay, well, I kinda caught
lightning in a bottle here.
78
00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:39,418
How do I do this
again and again and again?"
79
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:42,354
Uh, so I started thinking,
"Okay, what's a different
emotion?"
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00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:44,590
Sadness-- well, nobody
wants to see a baby sad.
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00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:45,857
Happiness--
I already did it.
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Now, how 'bout fear?
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And I went, "Aha."
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(demonic voice vocalizing)
85
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(demonic voice)
There is no God!
86
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- (growling)
- (screaming)
87
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:06,812
- (crying)
- Lucy, it's Daddy.
88
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,447
That's One Scared Baby.
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00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:10,749
We combined
two very popular things--
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00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:13,685
cuteness and the fear
of certain death.
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00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:15,254
Right?
92
00:04:15,256 --> 00:04:17,289
Like, there's something
very humanizing about seeing
93
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a baby getting really,
really, really freaked out.
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00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:22,628
- Lucy, I love you so much.
- (Lucy cooing)
95
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And I'm always gonna be here
to protect you,
96
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you know that, right?
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I will always protect you
no matter what.
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00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,636
Oh, my God.
99
00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:32,504
Oh, my God,
what's happening?
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00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:34,906
What's happening?
Oh, my God!
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00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:37,976
Please, don't take my daughter!
Please, don't take my daughter!
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(screaming)
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This a baby who-who's
looking into the camera,
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00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:50,522
and it's thinking,
"Oh, my God, this is it."
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00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,292
All right, check this out.
106
00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:55,827
I got-- I got That's One
Scared Baby merch, all right?
107
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One Scared Baby bibs.
We got mugs.
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00:04:57,931 --> 00:04:59,431
We got beer koozies.
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We got shirts.
We got clocks.
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What time is it? I don't know.
It cries on the hour.
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00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:06,038
And look at this,
One Scared Baby bobblehead.
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00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:08,674
That baby look like it saw
a frickin' demon, huh?
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00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:10,542
When Lucy found out she was
picked for the Chris! show,
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she literally screamed.
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I remember,
I'll never forget.
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She screamed
her frickin' head off.
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Mostly 'cause I was wearing,
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um, a baby-eating
minotaur costume.
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00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:21,453
But I think also
because I sort of had,
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like, a-- a dead
baby rabbit in my hands.
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And I remember,
I was like, you know,
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(demonic voice)
Lucy,
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00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:32,764
you won
the Chris! show finalist.
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00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:34,499
(normal voice)
You know, her eyes
just went like,
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00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:37,903
"Whoa, what's going on here?
Did I really?"
126
00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:41,440
(demonic voice)
And I'm like, "Yes, you did.
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00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:44,910
Now I will feast on the blood
of the seven sins."
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00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:49,848
- Man: Veronica Decker.
- Yeah, that's me.
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00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,784
- Follow me.
- Oh.
130
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:55,420
You look kinda familiar.
131
00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:57,122
Did you see
"Cat on a Hot Tin Roof"?
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00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:58,890
Melrose and Orange,
black box theater.
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00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:01,526
- Missed that one.
- Yeah. (chuckles)
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00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:02,928
Sorry, must be
something else.
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00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:06,365
No, that's weird, 'cause
I wasn't in "something else."
136
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:09,401
All right, um, you're gonna be
reading with Craig here.
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00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:11,403
Just give him a second
to get started,
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00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:13,805
- and whenever you're ready.
- Just...
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I've checked everywhere.
I've checked the school.
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00:06:16,110 --> 00:06:17,793
I've checked
the neighbors house.
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00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:19,477
I've done so much,
and he's not here.
142
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,847
- Okay, he's gone.
- Sorry, just hold on
one second.
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00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:24,816
Uh, can you, uh,
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00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:27,753
can you walk across the room
for us, please?
145
00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:29,554
Great. Great.
146
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:34,526
Um... ahem.
147
00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:36,628
Hold on, that's really good,
that's great.
148
00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:37,729
You can go back to one.
149
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:39,831
Try it again, um,
this time with,
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00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,933
uh, with like less balance.
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00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:44,035
Mm-hmm.
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00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:47,639
Even less.
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00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:49,708
- That's totally it.
- It's "The Wobbly Walk."
154
00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,676
You are "The Wobbly Walk"
girl, right?
155
00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:53,078
That's not me.
156
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,613
Come on, you gotta do it
for us, real quick.
157
00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:58,116
No, I-- I'd rather
just do the scene.
158
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:01,720
Hmm, that's too bad.
159
00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:03,822
(sighs)
Thanks for coming in.
160
00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:06,591
That's it?
161
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,927
You guys don't want me
to finish the scene?
162
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,929
No, I'm-- I'm sorry.
163
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:13,031
- This is a serious movie.
- Yeah.
164
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:14,800
Yeah,
and we can't have you,
165
00:07:14,802 --> 00:07:16,501
you know,
next to Jessica Lange--
166
00:07:16,503 --> 00:07:17,636
fingers crossed--
167
00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:20,639
um, just wobbly.
(laughs)
168
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:23,675
Wobbling all over
the goddamn place.
169
00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:26,478
(sighs)
That's what I hear.
170
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,847
- Thank you.
- Blah.
171
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:30,882
(both laughing)
172
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,818
That's unbelievable.
173
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:35,153
She went to college.
What a waste.
174
00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:38,023
Veronica:
Uh, I never wanted
to be famous.
175
00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:40,759
I just wanted to be
a working actress.
176
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:43,228
But it's really hard for people
to take you seriously
177
00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:45,564
when 700 million people
have seen you dance
178
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:47,833
like an idiot
on the Internet.
179
00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:50,101
It first started with my friend
who uploaded the video,
180
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:53,472
- uh, in high school.
- (laughing) Did you get it?
181
00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:54,706
And that wasn't a big deal
182
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:57,242
because only few hundred
people saw it.
183
00:07:57,244 --> 00:08:00,979
But then a user
by the name of
184
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:04,249
LOL Zordon uploaded
a musical remix,
185
00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:06,051
but with a space background
186
00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:09,654
and... an extremely...
187
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,256
catchy song.
188
00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:14,826
♪ Wobbly Wobbly Walk ♪
189
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:20,131
♪ Do The Wobbly Wobbly Walk ♪
190
00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:22,567
- ♪ You can do it ♪
- ♪ Wobble Wobble Wobble ♪
191
00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:25,237
- ♪ If you try ♪
- ♪ Wobble Wobble Wobble ♪♪
192
00:08:25,239 --> 00:08:28,940
Somehow it became
this pop culture phenomenon.
193
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:31,243
Everyone was just doing
the dance, everybody.
194
00:08:31,245 --> 00:08:33,845
It was voted the single
worst thing of 2015
195
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,547
by "Time" magazine.
196
00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:38,984
Politicians used it
as a way to sum up...
197
00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:41,820
everything that was wrong
with our country.
198
00:08:41,822 --> 00:08:44,523
And I somehow became
the poster child
199
00:08:44,525 --> 00:08:46,892
for everything that sucks.
200
00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:50,228
But that's okay,
because I got this trophy.
201
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:55,600
I'm doing this competition
for many reasons.
202
00:08:55,602 --> 00:08:58,703
Uh, mainly so I can focus
on my acting full time.
203
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,672
And also so I could
live in a place
204
00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:03,642
that doesn't have
power steering.
205
00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:06,745
- (music playing on radio)
- ♪ Are Heather, Heather,
Heather ♪
206
00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:08,046
♪ We're all named-- ♪♪
207
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,115
- (music stops)
- Ah, crap.
208
00:09:10,117 --> 00:09:12,584
I am so sorry I'm late.
209
00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:14,619
I promise,
it won't happen again.
210
00:09:14,621 --> 00:09:16,922
I was at the mall
looking for clothes
and then you know how it goes.
211
00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:18,957
When I go into a mall,
it turns into a meet-and-greet.
212
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:21,026
All right,
let's go inside.
213
00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:23,194
I guess you could say my career
started in high school.
214
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:25,864
You know, I was just hanging out
with my boys on a Friday night
215
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:27,666
and a song came on the radio.
216
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:31,603
Uh, CeeLo something,
and it was called "Forget You."
217
00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:33,204
And as I'm listening
to the song, I was like,
218
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:35,006
"Wow, this song's
pretty chill,
219
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:37,342
but I could probably
spruce it up a little bit."
220
00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:39,277
You know, and I started
throwing out some joke lyrics.
221
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,246
And I was like,
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
222
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,248
This could be a parody."
223
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:47,218
♪ I see you driving 'round town
with the cow I love ♪
224
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:50,956
- ♪ And I'm like "Moo, moo" ♪
- ♪ Moo, moo, moo ♪
225
00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:54,726
♪ I guess the milk in my fridge
just wasn't enough ♪
226
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:59,097
♪ And I'm like
"Moo, moo and boo-hoo, too" ♪♪
227
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:02,100
And that's when little old
Tomas Butterman from Ohio
228
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:06,071
became Tomas
"The Parody Boss."
229
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:08,707
(chuckles)
I like saying it like that.
230
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:10,809
I do music video parodies,
uh, you know,
231
00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:13,144
like once a month
when I get inspired.
232
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:15,146
I always try to not only
make fun of the artist,
233
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:16,748
but say something.
234
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,883
I'd say my favorite parody
I've ever made
235
00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:20,885
was probably my Taylor Swift
236
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:23,054
"We Are Never Getting
Back Together" parody.
237
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:25,757
Let's just say I turned it
on it's friggin' head.
238
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:29,794
♪ We are Heather,
Heather, Heather ♪
239
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,663
♪ We're all named Heather ♪
240
00:10:31,665 --> 00:10:34,099
♪ Her name's Heather,
her name's Heather ♪
241
00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:36,701
♪ My name's Heather, too ♪
242
00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:40,905
♪ 'Cause we are Heather,
Heather, Heather ♪
243
00:10:40,907 --> 00:10:42,941
♪ We're all named Heather ♪♪
244
00:10:42,943 --> 00:10:47,078
I think the reason
I am number one on YouTube,
245
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,748
um, is probably because--
well, my amazing content--
246
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:52,050
but also, I just have
a really strong connection
247
00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:53,251
with my fans, you know?
248
00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:56,321
Or as I like to call them,
"the employees."
249
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:58,156
Thanks so much
for watching the parody.
250
00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,691
If you wanna help out
this channel,
251
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:01,292
make sure to hit
that "subscribe" button.
252
00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:04,095
Also, the song's up on iTunes,
so you better go cop that
253
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:05,764
and give this video
a thumbs up.
254
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,799
'Cause you're my employee
and that's your job.
255
00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:10,735
Or else you're totes fired.
See you at work.
256
00:11:10,737 --> 00:11:14,072
My employees are the most
loyal people in the world.
257
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:16,007
If I tell them to do
something, they do it.
258
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,842
You know, "Hey, guys,
go thumb up this video."
259
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,177
Million thumbs.
260
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:22,080
"Hey, guys, go buy this song
on iTunes." Number one.
261
00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:24,315
Comes with a lot of power,
though, because if I were
to be like,
262
00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:27,052
"Hey, guys,
go jump off a bridge."
You know what you'd see?
263
00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:29,721
You'd see a lot of bridges
with dead bodies under them.
264
00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:31,322
Or right next
to them probably.
265
00:11:31,324 --> 00:11:32,857
'Cause technically,
if they jumped off,
266
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,159
they wouldn't go
right under, sorry.
267
00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:37,262
I get all visual 'cause
I'm a director-filmmaker.
268
00:11:37,264 --> 00:11:40,098
(horn honks)
269
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:42,867
And... action.
270
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:45,170
Hello, puppies.
I'm Amber Day.
271
00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:48,406
And you're watching
the Viral Video Pound.
272
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,942
First video
has a lot of bark...
273
00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:53,845
- (dog barking)
- ...but does it have any bite?
274
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:56,114
I just need one second, Jimmy.
So I think it's a buyer's
market--
275
00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:59,017
Ah! (Bleep)!
276
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:01,853
Ouch!
That looked like it hurt.
277
00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:03,888
Next up is kitty cats.
278
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:05,090
- Which means...
- (cat screeching)
279
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:06,991
Dina the Dog is here,
280
00:12:06,993 --> 00:12:09,060
and I don't like
those pussy cats.
281
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:10,862
They play "ruff, ruff."
282
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:12,964
(music playing)
283
00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:14,332
(cat screeches)
284
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:17,435
Usually that kitty
is very certain,
285
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:19,504
but today it looks like...
286
00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:24,442
she's on the fence.
287
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:25,844
(panting)
288
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:29,114
I'm Mrs. Cloudbottom,
the Dogcatcher.
289
00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:32,884
Did somebody say,
"ruff, ruff"?
290
00:12:32,886 --> 00:12:35,053
Amber:
I've always loved
telling jokes,
291
00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:38,189
but nobody ever thought
I was funny until eighth grade
292
00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:40,125
when I got back
from summer camp.
293
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:43,762
And then all of a sudden,
all the guys were just
294
00:12:43,764 --> 00:12:47,966
laugh, laugh, laugh,
and laugh.
295
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:51,136
I think I really found
my comedic timing at camp.
296
00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:52,837
(sighs)
297
00:12:52,839 --> 00:12:56,775
The Viral Video Pound
is my own comedy show.
298
00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:59,244
So think like "SNL"
299
00:12:59,246 --> 00:13:02,147
but with only me
as the cast.
300
00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:06,518
My fan base is 95% male.
301
00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:10,388
Which I'm super proud of
because most guys
302
00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:14,092
tend to be the hardcore
comedy fans.
303
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:17,095
(dog barking)
304
00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:19,063
My name's Dennis Wasserman,
305
00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:21,432
and I'm a film director.
306
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:25,003
When I wanted to make movies,
I didn't have actors.
307
00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:27,071
I didn't have friends.
308
00:13:27,073 --> 00:13:28,940
I had to work with
what I had.
309
00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:31,943
So my cat, Mr. Blankets,
became my muse.
310
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:35,513
I'd start out
by filming Mr. Blankets
throughout his day.
311
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:38,516
Getting cool shots of him
sleeping and walking on tables,
312
00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:41,419
and then I'd sync it with
the sickest music I could find.
313
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:44,088
(heavy metal music playing)
314
00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:52,447
But then I got sued.
315
00:13:52,448 --> 00:13:54,832
Part of the agreement
with the major music labels
316
00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:58,269
was that, um,
I'd pay for their legal fees
317
00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:02,073
and in return,
I wouldn't collect
any ad revenue on my videos.
318
00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:05,243
Man: So will you be bringing
Mr. Blankets to WebCon?
319
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:07,579
Um, no, not gonna do that.
320
00:14:07,581 --> 00:14:11,349
It's like when Steven Spielberg
goes to a pool party,
321
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:14,352
people don't ask him,
"Hey, you gonna bring Jaws
to the pool party?"
322
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:18,089
(laughs)
It just doesn't happen, so...
323
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:21,559
Yeah, I don't think anybody
really cares about the cat.
324
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:27,365
(mimicking airplane)
325
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:33,571
It's a B-52 bomber.
Come on, eat it.
326
00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:36,241
- Show 'em how to do that.
- (speaking foreign language)
327
00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:44,282
- Dale?
- Huh? Hey, hon.
328
00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:47,619
(whispers) Um, I'm working,
what are these people
doing filming here?
329
00:14:47,621 --> 00:14:49,621
My wife's not really
a fan of the videos.
330
00:14:49,623 --> 00:14:52,457
Um, she's very vocal
about it.
331
00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:55,093
Which is good, it's good
to have honest criticism,
332
00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:56,461
because you need that.
333
00:14:56,463 --> 00:14:59,230
She's also very vocal
about the fact
334
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:02,033
that she's the sole breadwinner
in our household.
335
00:15:02,035 --> 00:15:04,569
And she is
personally responsible
336
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:07,105
for a lot of the weapon systems
that keep America safe.
337
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:10,441
So in a way, she's like
a real-life Tony Stark.
338
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:13,177
Which, I guess, you know,
makes me Hawkeye.
339
00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:17,081
He's-- he's tough, right?
340
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,050
Why's everybody shrugging?
341
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:21,219
(whispering) I told you
about this a couple times.
342
00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:22,487
I should've reminded you.
343
00:15:22,489 --> 00:15:25,189
These guys are with
the, uh, "Chris!" show.
344
00:15:25,191 --> 00:15:27,458
And Lucy's up getting
her own TV show.
345
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:29,494
- It's kind of a big deal.
- Yeah, okay.
346
00:15:29,496 --> 00:15:31,095
Everyone in the neighborhood's
all freaking out.
347
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:33,498
That's great.
Um, I've got a late meeting,
348
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:35,066
so I'm gonna go.
349
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:37,368
- Okay, yeah.
- Okay, uh, you need to shave.
350
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:38,670
- Oh, right. Oh, yeah, sorry.
- (phone vibrating)
351
00:15:38,672 --> 00:15:41,239
Yeah, Brian, hi.
352
00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:43,141
- Yeah, sorry, family shit.
- All right.
353
00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:45,510
There goes your mom.
354
00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:47,478
That's Go-Go Mary.
355
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,314
Always on the go.
356
00:15:51,017 --> 00:15:52,717
You'll see a high 78
in the Valley.
357
00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:54,953
74 in the low-laying regions
358
00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:57,355
as things heat up when we head
into the Fourth of July--
359
00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:58,423
- (stomach growls)
- weekend.
360
00:15:58,425 --> 00:16:00,024
Sorry about that, folks.
Oh, God.
361
00:16:00,026 --> 00:16:01,659
Oh, God, it's coming.
Cut it! Cut it!
362
00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:04,295
Oh, my God, I'm shitting.
I'm shitting my pants!
363
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:07,131
Oh, my God,
I'm shitting my pants!
364
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:11,035
I'm shitting myself!
I'm shitting myself!
365
00:16:11,037 --> 00:16:13,371
Oh! Oh!
366
00:16:13,373 --> 00:16:17,575
Okay, first thoughts
on jokes I should say.
367
00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:19,077
Hey, that's a lot of
number two.
368
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:20,745
Hey, buddy, you're supposed
to be looking out
369
00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:24,048
- for number one.
- Oh, that's good.
370
00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:27,151
That's really good.
My fans will love that.
371
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:30,021
Uh, he should've
forecast mudslides.
372
00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:32,423
- (laughter)
- Oh!
373
00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:34,125
"Mudslides."
374
00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:38,463
Most people don't know this,
but comedians like myself,
375
00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:40,665
have a team of writers.
376
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,533
And when I started my show,
377
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:46,004
I received a bunch of emails
from these three kids
378
00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:48,790
that were huge fans of mine.
379
00:16:48,791 --> 00:16:51,575
And I met up with them
and they were just so funny
380
00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:53,711
and so nice.
381
00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:55,480
Three little gentlemen.
382
00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:58,483
- She's awesome.
- Super funny, super cool.
383
00:16:58,485 --> 00:17:02,453
It's really cool working
with someone like that.
384
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:04,222
We try to hug her
as much as we can.
385
00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:06,124
Man: What do you think of
your chances of winning?
386
00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:09,360
Yeah, I think I have
a really good chance to win.
387
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:12,463
Um, I'm the only woman
doing comedy,
388
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:14,599
so I'm kind of
representing them.
389
00:17:14,601 --> 00:17:16,667
And so I'll for sure get
390
00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:20,671
all the votes
from the women.
391
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:24,308
And then I'll get
all the votes from the men.
392
00:17:24,310 --> 00:17:26,778
So...
393
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,481
that's like all the votes.
394
00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:35,486
- ♪ And we can't mop ♪
- ♪ No ♪
395
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:38,723
- ♪ No we won't mop ♪
- ♪ No ♪
396
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,626
♪ 'Cause we don't have
any buckets ♪
397
00:17:41,628 --> 00:17:44,595
♪ And without water
we can't clean it ♪
398
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:46,631
- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
- ♪ It's our party ♪♪
399
00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:49,067
I work really hard.
400
00:17:49,069 --> 00:17:51,636
You know, like,
I don't even sleep sometimes.
401
00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:53,304
Trying to make
all these parodies,
402
00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:55,106
so much time,
so much effort.
403
00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:57,241
And for what,
one video a month?
404
00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:59,310
(scoffs) I mean,
talk about being a slave.
405
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:02,246
But what I did find out
is I could do more videos
406
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:05,383
if I just keep the cost
and the quality down.
407
00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:08,252
So I do daily videos,
or as I call them, daily vlogs.
408
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,655
Basically, it's anything
I wanna do that day.
409
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:12,457
You know, like sometimes
I whip out my phone
410
00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:14,492
when me and my squad
are like rolling through a jam
411
00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:16,127
trying to blow some cake.
412
00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:17,628
Sometimes me and my boys
413
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:20,298
will just, like,
do some dope-ass challenge.
414
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:23,534
Sometimes I get real, you know,
and it gets deep A-F
415
00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:25,570
when I talk about things
that are really important to me.
416
00:18:25,572 --> 00:18:26,871
You know, like rape.
417
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:28,473
Hey, what's up, employees?
418
00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:30,274
Okay, I am so excited
right now
419
00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:31,542
because I'm meeting up
with Hanky Pank.
420
00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:33,711
Oh, there he is.
421
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:35,713
- Hanky Pank.
- Hey.
422
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:37,782
We got chosen to be
one of the finalists
423
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:39,851
in the "Chris!" show
Web Star of the Year Award!
424
00:18:39,853 --> 00:18:42,753
- Yes!
- Oh! Oh! Okay.
425
00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:44,455
When we see you at WebCon,
we're coming.
426
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,290
- We're on our way tomorrow.
- We leave tomorrow.
427
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,493
We will give you all hugs
and kisses on the lips.
428
00:18:48,495 --> 00:18:50,194
We'll do anything
you guys want.
429
00:18:50,196 --> 00:18:51,796
Please, please, please,
we never ask you for anything.
430
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:53,598
- Okay, except for like merch.
- And ringtones.
431
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,199
Obviously, but right now,
432
00:18:55,201 --> 00:18:56,718
this is so much bigger
than any of that.
433
00:18:56,719 --> 00:18:58,236
If you guys vote,
we can have our own show.
434
00:18:58,238 --> 00:19:00,238
And then you can
tell your friends, like,
"Oh, my favorite show?
435
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,873
My favorite show is
'The Tomas Show.'"
436
00:19:01,875 --> 00:19:03,174
Like featuring Hank.
437
00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:04,909
Hank is...
438
00:19:04,911 --> 00:19:07,645
Well, he's kinda like
my brother, you know?
439
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:11,182
We hang out all the time.
We, uh, make videos together.
440
00:19:11,184 --> 00:19:14,619
If I need something from
the store, like last minute,
he's down to go get it.
441
00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:17,288
He takes me everywhere.
He's basically my Uber.
442
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:18,523
And he's my best friend.
443
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:20,358
Right now, he's trying to do
his own thing.
444
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:21,893
You know,
start his own channel.
445
00:19:21,895 --> 00:19:23,494
And, uh,
it's going pretty...
446
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,396
Hey, say hi to
the Hanky Panks.
447
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:28,199
- Hey, Hanky Panks!
- See, I told you.
448
00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:34,605
Between you and me,
there's no Hanky Panks.
449
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:37,475
They're just employees
trying to see a glimpse of
the boss in the background,
450
00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:39,443
but I humor him.
451
00:19:39,445 --> 00:19:41,712
'Cause, you know,
he's sweet.
452
00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:44,715
And I think it gives him
a sense of worth.
453
00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:47,285
Which is good,
he needs that.
454
00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:57,728
Thank you.
I feel like a princess.
455
00:19:57,730 --> 00:20:00,731
No problem,
Your Majesty.
456
00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:02,600
(laughter)
457
00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:04,368
Don't you guys
have school this week?
458
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:05,836
Uh...
459
00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:08,306
Yeah, our parents
have no idea where we are.
460
00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:09,874
Parents think
I'm staying with Doug.
461
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,442
And my parents think
I'm staying with Kevin.
462
00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:12,944
Kevin doesn't
have any parents.
463
00:20:12,946 --> 00:20:15,479
- Shut up.
- What?
464
00:20:15,481 --> 00:20:16,781
It's true you don't have
any parents.
465
00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:18,816
You don't have any parents.
466
00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:22,954
Dale: You know,
driving can be pretty boring.
467
00:20:22,956 --> 00:20:24,889
Especially on these
long road trips where
you're thinking,
468
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:27,725
"Oh, God, I wish
something fun would happen."
469
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:30,928
That's where my
oh-my-God-that-baby's-driving
prank comes in.
470
00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:32,863
See, I get all dressed up
as my driver's seat,
471
00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:34,999
I pop Lucy in my lap,
we buckle up,
472
00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:37,735
and you wouldn't believe
the look on people's faces
473
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:38,803
as we drive by.
474
00:20:38,805 --> 00:20:40,471
And they're thinking,
"Oh, my God.
475
00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:43,507
Oh, my sweet-loving God,
is that baby driving?"
476
00:20:43,509 --> 00:20:45,543
It's something that-that
they tell their friends
477
00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:47,495
and their relatives.
478
00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:49,446
And then one day, you got
a grandpa sitting on a porch
479
00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:51,015
telling his grandkids
about the time
480
00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:53,284
he saw a baby
driving a minivan.
481
00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:55,753
That's real-world viral.
482
00:21:01,527 --> 00:21:03,661
Veronica, Veronica.
483
00:21:03,663 --> 00:21:04,862
- Oh, my goodness.
- Hi.
484
00:21:04,864 --> 00:21:06,664
Hi. Oh, sweetheart.
485
00:21:06,666 --> 00:21:08,799
It's so good to see you.
Please, have a seat.
486
00:21:08,801 --> 00:21:10,401
Don't take the chair.
487
00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:12,837
No, no, I'm joking.
Come on, bad joke.
488
00:21:12,839 --> 00:21:14,672
- (whispers) Jesus.
- Just put your tush
489
00:21:14,674 --> 00:21:17,575
- in the chair, okay?
- Great. Thank you.
490
00:21:17,577 --> 00:21:20,511
Have you ever heard
of "GoMax"?
491
00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:22,880
Oh, is that the new
Channing Tatum movie?
492
00:21:22,882 --> 00:21:25,416
No, it's better.
It's better.
493
00:21:25,418 --> 00:21:27,852
It's the probiotic yogurt
494
00:21:27,854 --> 00:21:30,655
for women on the go.
495
00:21:30,657 --> 00:21:34,325
Who is gonna be
the spokesperson in this room?
496
00:21:34,327 --> 00:21:35,660
Huh?
497
00:21:35,662 --> 00:21:38,329
It ain't gonna be me.
498
00:21:38,331 --> 00:21:41,666
- Me?
- Aha.
499
00:21:41,668 --> 00:21:43,934
Wait, I just got a job?
500
00:21:43,936 --> 00:21:45,703
Why not?
501
00:21:45,705 --> 00:21:49,407
Oh, my God, you guys,
I booked a freakin' commercial!
502
00:21:49,409 --> 00:21:52,743
Oh, my gosh, I don't have to
live in this thing anymore.
503
00:21:52,745 --> 00:21:54,645
This freakin' car-house.
504
00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:56,814
No way!
Not for me, Jose!
505
00:21:56,816 --> 00:22:00,017
I am going to be
going places!
506
00:22:00,019 --> 00:22:01,952
I'm out, I'm out.
507
00:22:01,954 --> 00:22:03,688
Okay, I'm out of
the competition.
508
00:22:03,690 --> 00:22:06,357
Done. Boop. Done.
Don't have to do that anymore.
509
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:09,026
I'm just excited because
I'm gonna get to something
510
00:22:09,028 --> 00:22:11,028
that has substance.
511
00:22:11,030 --> 00:22:12,530
Something that matters.
512
00:22:12,532 --> 00:22:16,534
And it has nothing to do
with "The Wobbly Walk."
513
00:22:22,542 --> 00:22:24,075
I don't...
514
00:22:24,077 --> 00:22:26,744
I don't have to be known
for that anymore.
515
00:22:26,746 --> 00:22:29,980
(silverware clinking)
516
00:22:29,982 --> 00:22:32,550
Mm- hmm.
You gonna hold that?
517
00:22:32,552 --> 00:22:34,952
Okay.
518
00:22:34,954 --> 00:22:37,621
- (murmuring)
- Little refill.
519
00:22:37,623 --> 00:22:39,990
- Oh, thank you.
- How's those waffles
treating ya?
520
00:22:39,992 --> 00:22:43,561
Um, just wanna say
that these waffles...
521
00:22:43,563 --> 00:22:45,363
- not good.
- Oh, I'm so sorry about that.
522
00:22:45,365 --> 00:22:47,498
'Cause they're the best waffles
I've ever had in my life.
523
00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:49,934
I goosed ya.
I got ya good, right?
524
00:22:49,936 --> 00:22:51,936
Man: You mind tellin' me
what kind of breakfast
establishment
525
00:22:51,938 --> 00:22:54,739
doesn't have any
cran-raspberry syrup, huh?
526
00:22:54,741 --> 00:22:56,874
You got the cranberry.
You got the raspberry.
527
00:22:56,876 --> 00:22:59,009
- Where's the cran-ras?
- These drunk truckers
get pretty rowdy.
528
00:22:59,011 --> 00:23:02,012
- Sorry about that.
- No, I'm sorry about that.
529
00:23:03,683 --> 00:23:05,649
- Will you hold my baby?
- (Lucy cries)
530
00:23:05,651 --> 00:23:07,418
- Uh, sure.
- I'ma take care of this.
531
00:23:07,420 --> 00:23:09,420
You just hold my baby.
532
00:23:10,523 --> 00:23:12,490
Excuse me, sir.
533
00:23:12,492 --> 00:23:16,093
I'm gonna have to ask you
to lower your voice
just a smidge.
534
00:23:16,095 --> 00:23:18,629
Who you calling "smidge"?
535
00:23:18,631 --> 00:23:21,799
I didn't realize
you were the waitress.
(laughing)
536
00:23:21,801 --> 00:23:24,902
(laughing)
537
00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:26,637
I'm not the waitress,
I'm a man.
538
00:23:26,639 --> 00:23:29,607
And I don't see
any raspberry syrup.
539
00:23:29,609 --> 00:23:31,475
I'ma give you one chance
540
00:23:31,477 --> 00:23:33,644
to pay your bill
and get the heck outta here.
541
00:23:33,646 --> 00:23:35,112
(spits)
542
00:23:36,682 --> 00:23:38,716
I just spit
on your sandals.
543
00:23:43,423 --> 00:23:45,156
First mistake.
544
00:23:49,996 --> 00:23:52,663
(crowd gasps)
545
00:24:00,139 --> 00:24:02,907
Those are cute little
princess punches.
546
00:24:04,076 --> 00:24:05,443
(gasping)
547
00:24:05,445 --> 00:24:06,710
Get up.
548
00:24:06,712 --> 00:24:09,647
Anyone hungry for
some waffles, huh?
549
00:24:09,649 --> 00:24:11,615
(screaming)
550
00:24:13,586 --> 00:24:15,486
(both crying)
551
00:24:17,590 --> 00:24:20,024
- You ready?
- Please don't.
552
00:24:20,026 --> 00:24:21,559
- Keep it going?
- Please, no.
553
00:24:21,561 --> 00:24:24,028
(groaning)
554
00:24:29,168 --> 00:24:31,735
(body thuds)
555
00:24:31,737 --> 00:24:34,805
- Oh, my God.
- (crying continues)
556
00:24:36,075 --> 00:24:40,010
That's One Scared Baby.
It's a prank.
557
00:24:40,012 --> 00:24:41,645
Means I was goosing you.
558
00:24:41,647 --> 00:24:43,514
That was a goose.
559
00:24:43,516 --> 00:24:47,585
This is called the prestige.
Uh, feel free to clap.
560
00:24:47,587 --> 00:24:49,954
Everybody, let's give
a big hand to Red.
561
00:24:49,956 --> 00:24:51,255
Red's part of our local
community theatre,
562
00:24:51,257 --> 00:24:53,958
and he's a heck of
a guy, too, huh?
563
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:56,527
- Please.
- Thank you, thank you.
564
00:24:56,529 --> 00:24:58,496
Dale:
All right, all right.
565
00:24:58,498 --> 00:25:00,130
All right, Luce,
let's get back on the road.
566
00:25:04,070 --> 00:25:07,538
- Whoo!
- What's up,
ladies and gentlemen?
567
00:25:07,540 --> 00:25:10,174
Hi, guys!
Yes, we are riding in the Lambo!
568
00:25:10,176 --> 00:25:13,110
- Lambo.
- Uh, we're on our way
to WebCon right now.
569
00:25:13,112 --> 00:25:16,080
And honestly, I'm just really
excited to see our people,
you know what I mean?
570
00:25:16,082 --> 00:25:19,216
Like see the people who have
put us in this Lambo, basically.
571
00:25:19,218 --> 00:25:21,619
Once you start getting into the
hundreds of millions of views,
572
00:25:21,621 --> 00:25:24,722
you start to forget,
like those are people,
you know what I mean?
573
00:25:24,724 --> 00:25:27,925
- (engine whirring)
- Do you hear that?
574
00:25:27,927 --> 00:25:29,159
Wait, what is that?
575
00:25:29,161 --> 00:25:32,796
God! (Bleep)!
576
00:25:32,798 --> 00:25:34,965
Hank, what did
I tell you?!
577
00:25:34,967 --> 00:25:36,700
I told you if you wanted me
to get the Lambo
578
00:25:36,702 --> 00:25:39,069
so we could vlog in it, you
would have to take care of it!
579
00:25:39,071 --> 00:25:41,105
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
580
00:25:41,107 --> 00:25:43,007
Be careful with--
You know what?
581
00:25:43,009 --> 00:25:44,675
I'm Snapchatting
this whole thing.
582
00:25:44,677 --> 00:25:46,544
- Yeah, buddy. Yeah, right now!
- He's Snapchatting this.
583
00:25:46,546 --> 00:25:48,846
How we supposed to
get to WebCon?
584
00:25:48,848 --> 00:25:50,581
This is ridiculous.
585
00:25:50,583 --> 00:25:52,016
You know what
they're trying to tell me?
586
00:25:52,018 --> 00:25:54,785
That I was supposed to
put oil in the engine.
587
00:25:54,787 --> 00:25:57,555
Nobody told me that, Dad!
588
00:25:57,557 --> 00:25:58,689
I'm gonna sue.
589
00:26:01,294 --> 00:26:03,294
You know,
I went to Brown.
590
00:26:03,296 --> 00:26:06,764
I work about...
591
00:26:06,766 --> 00:26:09,700
60 hours a week
for 84 grand a year.
592
00:26:09,702 --> 00:26:11,135
And my son,
593
00:26:11,137 --> 00:26:14,572
who dropped out
community college
first semester,
594
00:26:14,574 --> 00:26:18,008
he's pulling in
over six figures a month
595
00:26:18,010 --> 00:26:21,312
by tickle fighting
his little gay friend.
596
00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:27,585
So you can say...
597
00:26:27,587 --> 00:26:29,620
I'm proud of him.
598
00:26:39,732 --> 00:26:43,133
Hi, eh, this is
my fifth WebCon.
599
00:26:43,135 --> 00:26:45,035
It's my favorite thing ever.
600
00:26:45,037 --> 00:26:48,005
We save up money every year
to come out here from Vermont.
601
00:26:48,007 --> 00:26:49,707
We drive all the way.
602
00:26:49,709 --> 00:26:52,242
It's kind of a bummer
we got here a little early,
603
00:26:52,244 --> 00:26:54,645
so today's business day.
604
00:26:54,647 --> 00:26:57,781
And everyone knows
only the loser channels
605
00:26:57,783 --> 00:26:59,883
come in on business day.
606
00:26:59,885 --> 00:27:01,619
It's cool.
607
00:27:01,621 --> 00:27:05,889
Like, um, we get to, like,
see a lot of corporate booths.
608
00:27:05,891 --> 00:27:07,257
It's pretty--
it's pretty cool
609
00:27:07,259 --> 00:27:09,960
they can air condition
this many people.
610
00:27:13,332 --> 00:27:14,965
(tires screech)
611
00:27:18,237 --> 00:27:21,672
Oh, my shining stars,
you're here.
612
00:27:21,674 --> 00:27:23,707
Uh, hi,
my name is Dave Larson.
613
00:27:23,709 --> 00:27:26,176
I have, uh, asked
the organizers of WebCon
614
00:27:26,178 --> 00:27:29,747
if I could help out in anyway
and really volunteer.
615
00:27:29,749 --> 00:27:32,116
I don't like to
work for money.
616
00:27:32,118 --> 00:27:35,719
Um, which is how I got to...
617
00:27:35,721 --> 00:27:37,321
where I am now.
618
00:27:37,323 --> 00:27:39,423
Dennis Wasserman,
filmmaker.
619
00:27:39,425 --> 00:27:42,259
Oh, you do not have to
tell me who you are.
620
00:27:42,261 --> 00:27:45,195
Believe me, I'm-I'm really
your biggest fan.
621
00:27:45,197 --> 00:27:48,265
In fact,
Dennis, if I may,
622
00:27:48,267 --> 00:27:51,402
I've probably seen more
of Mr. Blankets
623
00:27:51,404 --> 00:27:53,837
than I do of my own kids.
(laughing)
624
00:27:57,309 --> 00:28:00,110
So what's it looking like?
How's the turn out?
625
00:28:00,112 --> 00:28:03,814
The turn out's really good.
The panel is packed.
626
00:28:03,816 --> 00:28:06,884
And I mean heavy
with talent.
627
00:28:06,886 --> 00:28:08,419
Yeah, well,
if it's all right,
628
00:28:08,421 --> 00:28:11,188
I prepared a brief
PowerPoint presentation
629
00:28:11,190 --> 00:28:13,924
on some of my directorial
influences in film,
630
00:28:13,926 --> 00:28:15,893
- and I can keep it under 15.
- Great.
631
00:28:15,895 --> 00:28:18,062
It's 3:00.
632
00:28:18,064 --> 00:28:20,931
How's it go?
Time to rock. Let's go.
633
00:28:24,403 --> 00:28:27,204
Okay, good,
so let's try a take here.
634
00:28:27,206 --> 00:28:29,973
So, uh, you've got that, like,
you're clutching your stomach.
635
00:28:29,975 --> 00:28:33,744
You know, it's that kind of
troubled but you have
a constipated motion
636
00:28:33,746 --> 00:28:36,180
that leads into your walk.
(chuckles)
637
00:28:36,182 --> 00:28:37,748
And then you--
you sing the song.
638
00:28:37,750 --> 00:28:39,750
- That's it.
- The song?
639
00:28:39,752 --> 00:28:41,385
I-- Oh, I didn't
know I was singing.
640
00:28:41,387 --> 00:28:43,821
I-I don't sing.
641
00:28:43,823 --> 00:28:46,123
(whispering)
And I don't really
direct either.
642
00:28:46,125 --> 00:28:47,991
Let's try a take.
643
00:28:47,993 --> 00:28:50,994
Man:
Okay, everyone, pictures up.
Let's roll camera.
644
00:28:50,996 --> 00:28:52,830
- Okay.
- Man #2: Rolling.
645
00:28:52,832 --> 00:28:54,765
And action.
646
00:28:54,767 --> 00:28:57,501
Ooh.
647
00:28:58,804 --> 00:29:03,340
♪ There is a house
in New Orleans ♪
648
00:29:03,342 --> 00:29:06,410
♪ They call
the rising sun ♪♪
649
00:29:06,412 --> 00:29:08,312
- Cut!
- That's a cut. Reset, please.
650
00:29:08,314 --> 00:29:09,880
What's-- what--
what are you-- what are you--
651
00:29:09,882 --> 00:29:11,932
You're singing--
There's no song.
652
00:29:11,933 --> 00:29:13,983
What-- It just came to me.
I didn't see as script.
653
00:29:13,986 --> 00:29:16,386
Look, I wanted to license
"Chocolate Rain,"
654
00:29:16,388 --> 00:29:17,855
which would've been perfect.
655
00:29:17,857 --> 00:29:19,056
I was gonna make it rain
chocolate yogurt.
656
00:29:19,058 --> 00:29:20,424
That was the concept here,
but we got you.
657
00:29:20,426 --> 00:29:22,376
That kid,
too expensive.
658
00:29:22,377 --> 00:29:24,327
So here's the deal,
you're gonna do your little
dance in the video,
659
00:29:24,330 --> 00:29:26,630
the one everyone knows,
the wobble thing,
660
00:29:26,631 --> 00:29:28,931
and then you pick up the GoMax
yogurt and sing the song.
661
00:29:28,934 --> 00:29:30,334
Okay? Sound Good?
662
00:29:31,504 --> 00:29:34,438
- I can't.
- Can't what?
663
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:36,874
- It's not mine. I didn't do it.
- Wait, let me follow this.
664
00:29:36,876 --> 00:29:39,510
You-you don't...
you don't do the song?
665
00:29:39,512 --> 00:29:41,211
I mean, it was
added later by a guy.
666
00:29:41,213 --> 00:29:43,180
He did a techno remix.
667
00:29:44,216 --> 00:29:46,917
She doesn't do...
She just does the dan--
668
00:29:46,919 --> 00:29:49,853
Nobody checked on this?
There's a social media advisor.
669
00:29:49,855 --> 00:29:52,055
- (phone chiming)
- Get off your phone!
670
00:29:52,057 --> 00:29:54,992
Let's get that Chocolate Rain
guy back on the phone.
671
00:29:54,994 --> 00:29:58,195
I don't care
what his rate is.
672
00:29:58,197 --> 00:29:59,963
You can go.
673
00:29:59,965 --> 00:30:02,199
Veronica:
So I'm here...
674
00:30:02,201 --> 00:30:04,434
at the convention.
675
00:30:04,436 --> 00:30:07,371
The con--
the big contest.
676
00:30:07,373 --> 00:30:10,040
It's great being here.
677
00:30:10,042 --> 00:30:13,544
Um, I'm so glad
that they let me back in
678
00:30:13,546 --> 00:30:15,846
the competition.
679
00:30:15,848 --> 00:30:19,049
So I could compete
for a one-in-five chance
680
00:30:19,051 --> 00:30:21,919
to have my own TV show.
681
00:30:23,122 --> 00:30:26,190
Man: So if you won,
what would your show be about?
682
00:30:28,227 --> 00:30:30,961
I-- I would
just want a show
683
00:30:30,963 --> 00:30:33,997
that would be important
to people.
684
00:30:33,999 --> 00:30:35,532
Would-- would matter.
685
00:30:35,534 --> 00:30:38,569
I-I would want a show
that has substance and...
686
00:30:39,939 --> 00:30:42,139
just make a difference
in people's lives.
687
00:30:42,141 --> 00:30:43,874
I feel like that
would be awesome.
688
00:30:43,876 --> 00:30:46,577
And I know that they're
gonna probably call me
689
00:30:46,579 --> 00:30:48,278
"The Wobbly Walk girl."
690
00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:50,514
And they're gonna just have it
be by my name and everything,
691
00:30:50,516 --> 00:30:52,382
but I'm...
692
00:30:52,384 --> 00:30:55,052
I'm here to tell
everybody that
693
00:30:55,054 --> 00:30:56,987
they have to be okay
694
00:30:56,989 --> 00:30:59,857
with the fact that
I'm never doing that again.
695
00:30:59,859 --> 00:31:01,992
I'm never gonna do
"The Wobbly Walk" again.
696
00:31:01,994 --> 00:31:05,329
- "Wobbly Walk."
- (gasping) O-M-G!
697
00:31:05,331 --> 00:31:07,464
- "The Wobbly Walk"!
- Hey, you don't mind...
698
00:31:07,466 --> 00:31:09,233
"The Wobbly Walk" girl
is here!
699
00:31:09,235 --> 00:31:11,969
It's her!
It's you!
700
00:31:11,971 --> 00:31:14,204
- You don't mind, right?
- Oh, my God.
701
00:31:14,206 --> 00:31:17,040
- (camera clicks)
- Wait, I'm gonna
take one, too. Okay.
702
00:31:23,048 --> 00:31:25,449
God, I feel like I'm walking
underneath a shoe.
703
00:31:25,451 --> 00:31:27,551
Shh. Tomas, don't upset
the commoners.
704
00:31:27,553 --> 00:31:29,386
I don't give a (bleep), Hank.
705
00:31:29,388 --> 00:31:31,555
Okay, this has been
the worst day of my life.
706
00:31:31,557 --> 00:31:33,590
Can you just support me
right now?
707
00:31:33,592 --> 00:31:36,260
(sighs)
708
00:31:42,201 --> 00:31:45,235
Girl: Oh, my God,
you're Tomas and Hank.
709
00:31:45,237 --> 00:31:47,371
Can I get a picture?
710
00:31:49,341 --> 00:31:51,909
This is my Katrina.
711
00:31:51,911 --> 00:31:54,011
I think that blouse
looks a lot better on you.
712
00:31:54,013 --> 00:31:55,479
Oh.
713
00:31:55,481 --> 00:31:58,215
- Whoa.
- I have this one, guys.
714
00:31:58,217 --> 00:32:02,386
Oh, it looks like
they only gave us one bed.
715
00:32:02,388 --> 00:32:05,455
- Oh, this is an outrage.
- I'm calling management
right now.
716
00:32:05,457 --> 00:32:07,658
- Don't worry, Amber,
we got this.
- What?
717
00:32:07,660 --> 00:32:10,060
No, guys, it's fine.
718
00:32:10,062 --> 00:32:12,129
We'll share.
719
00:32:15,301 --> 00:32:17,100
All right,
let's get this started.
720
00:32:17,102 --> 00:32:19,569
Thank you, each and every
one of you, for coming.
721
00:32:19,571 --> 00:32:20,938
And, actually,
with this turn out,
722
00:32:20,940 --> 00:32:22,706
I will be able to thank
723
00:32:22,708 --> 00:32:25,442
each and every one of you
privately, which is great.
724
00:32:25,444 --> 00:32:28,211
There's something called
the strategic inflexion point.
725
00:32:28,213 --> 00:32:30,981
That's when you sort of
show up out in society
726
00:32:30,983 --> 00:32:33,250
and you realize that everyone's
speaking another language.
727
00:32:33,252 --> 00:32:35,519
I didn't understand what the
hell anyone was talking about.
728
00:32:35,521 --> 00:32:37,587
It was literally
like I walk out,
729
00:32:37,589 --> 00:32:39,957
and I talk to a person
who's younger than 40,
730
00:32:39,959 --> 00:32:42,526
and he's like...
(speaking gibberish)
731
00:32:42,528 --> 00:32:43,994
That's what it
sounded like to me.
732
00:32:43,996 --> 00:32:46,296
But then I thought
when you reach that point
733
00:32:46,298 --> 00:32:47,698
and everyone's speaking
gibberish,
734
00:32:47,700 --> 00:32:51,068
you better find out
what they're talking about.
735
00:32:51,070 --> 00:32:52,669
Turned out they were talking
about the Internet.
736
00:32:52,671 --> 00:32:54,705
I'm director
Dennis Wasserman.
737
00:32:54,707 --> 00:32:57,341
Welcome to the art
of filmmaking.
738
00:32:57,343 --> 00:32:59,643
(music playing
on PowerPoint)
739
00:33:03,515 --> 00:33:06,616
Stanley Kubrick.
740
00:33:06,618 --> 00:33:08,485
Orson Welles.
741
00:33:08,487 --> 00:33:10,087
Fellini.
742
00:33:10,089 --> 00:33:13,423
These aren't just names,
they're filmmakers.
743
00:33:13,425 --> 00:33:16,259
But what is filmmaking?
744
00:33:16,261 --> 00:33:18,528
- Yes.
- Man: Yes, uh, hi, question.
745
00:33:18,530 --> 00:33:21,098
When are you gonna
bring out Mr. Blankets?
746
00:33:21,100 --> 00:33:23,300
Wait, you know
Mr. Blankets?
747
00:33:25,070 --> 00:33:28,372
He's... he's having
a cat nap.
748
00:33:28,374 --> 00:33:30,374
(Dave laughs)
Fantastic.
749
00:33:30,376 --> 00:33:32,442
No, seriously,
where's the cat?
750
00:33:32,444 --> 00:33:35,212
I waited 45 minutes to make
a Vine with Mr. Blankets.
751
00:33:35,214 --> 00:33:38,715
He's-- Does anyone have
any questions about filmmaking?
752
00:33:43,655 --> 00:33:46,390
- Forget it.
- Dave: Uh, wow!
753
00:33:46,392 --> 00:33:48,158
Way to go.
Way to speak out loud.
754
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:50,160
Let's, uh, let's do that.
755
00:33:50,161 --> 00:33:52,161
Let's go ahead and open this up
to a-- to a Q and A.
756
00:33:52,164 --> 00:33:54,731
Are there any questions at all?
Anything at all, fire away.
757
00:33:54,733 --> 00:33:57,167
Yes, ma'am.
758
00:33:57,169 --> 00:33:59,036
My question's for Kimmycam.
759
00:33:59,038 --> 00:34:00,704
Would you rather have
all of your clothes
760
00:34:00,706 --> 00:34:03,306
made out of nachos
or ice cream?
761
00:34:03,308 --> 00:34:06,710
- Thank you.
- Ice cream, definitely.
762
00:34:06,712 --> 00:34:09,446
Hey, that's
a really good question.
763
00:34:09,448 --> 00:34:12,149
Let's just open it up
to the panel, let's just go
right down the line.
764
00:34:12,151 --> 00:34:15,485
Texas Mike, ice cream
or nachos for clothes?
765
00:34:16,655 --> 00:34:18,655
I don't know,
they're both pretty messy.
766
00:34:20,159 --> 00:34:22,726
I think ice cream
would just be way too cold.
767
00:34:24,363 --> 00:34:27,397
Ice cream.
I can take it.
768
00:34:29,668 --> 00:34:31,334
Love you, Prank-A-Lank!
769
00:34:31,336 --> 00:34:33,770
You always say
what's on your mind.
770
00:34:33,772 --> 00:34:36,339
Well, I, for one,
am definitely wearing nachos,
771
00:34:36,341 --> 00:34:38,608
so I guess we got a tie.
772
00:34:38,610 --> 00:34:41,812
And a tiebreaker, Dennis.
773
00:34:41,814 --> 00:34:44,347
Which is it gonna be?
774
00:34:44,349 --> 00:34:48,251
Ice cream or nachos
for clothing?
775
00:34:49,555 --> 00:34:52,255
- (Bleep) this!
- (microphone feedback)
776
00:34:52,257 --> 00:34:54,724
Uh, hey.
777
00:34:54,726 --> 00:34:57,360
Hey, whoa, Dennis.
Hey, what the hell?
778
00:34:57,362 --> 00:34:58,728
We'll be right back, folks.
779
00:34:58,730 --> 00:35:01,731
Dennis, hey, hey.
Come on, you came all this way.
780
00:35:01,733 --> 00:35:04,434
Don't you want to, uh,
talk to your fellow filmmakers?
781
00:35:04,436 --> 00:35:07,437
What, so they can
ask me what my favorite
jellybean flavor is?
782
00:35:07,439 --> 00:35:10,373
You're all bullshit!
Wake up!
783
00:35:10,375 --> 00:35:13,743
Huh, wha-- Hey.
Where you--
784
00:35:13,745 --> 00:35:17,447
What is your favorite
jellybean col...
785
00:35:28,127 --> 00:35:30,760
- Okay, and we'll
just squiggly it. Yep.
- (Lucy cries)
786
00:35:30,762 --> 00:35:34,231
He wants your auto.
There you go.
787
00:35:35,501 --> 00:35:37,868
Oh, my God,
That's One Scared Baby.
788
00:35:37,870 --> 00:35:39,569
I so have to take a selfie,
like, right now.
789
00:35:39,571 --> 00:35:42,239
- Excuse me.
- (clamoring)
790
00:35:42,241 --> 00:35:43,740
- Hi.
- Oh, hi.
791
00:35:43,742 --> 00:35:46,576
- Uh, sorry, how old are you?
- 14.
792
00:35:46,578 --> 00:35:50,280
I'm Tigerfish91 from Instagram.
I have a million followers.
793
00:35:50,282 --> 00:35:52,916
A millions followers?
Holy smokes.
794
00:35:52,918 --> 00:35:55,352
Well, you must be some kind of
sensation. What do you do?
795
00:35:55,354 --> 00:35:57,354
I take pictures of myself.
See?
796
00:35:58,924 --> 00:36:01,725
- Wow, you sure
don't like pants.
- Thanks.
797
00:36:01,727 --> 00:36:03,360
Do your parents
know about this?
798
00:36:03,362 --> 00:36:05,395
My parents want me
to be famous.
799
00:36:05,396 --> 00:36:07,429
I've been doing commercials
and modeling since I was six.
800
00:36:07,432 --> 00:36:08,698
It's pretty much my job.
801
00:36:08,700 --> 00:36:10,534
My mom said if I book
one more commercial,
802
00:36:10,536 --> 00:36:12,335
I'll have enough
for a nose job.
803
00:36:12,337 --> 00:36:15,805
Then I'm pretty much a shoo-in
for modeling in New York.
804
00:36:15,807 --> 00:36:18,308
- Well, congratulations.
- (camera clicks)
805
00:36:18,310 --> 00:36:20,377
Thank you.
806
00:36:24,249 --> 00:36:26,316
(camera clicks)
807
00:36:26,318 --> 00:36:28,285
So shipping is when...
808
00:36:28,287 --> 00:36:31,421
You take two people
who you think are totally
meant for each other...
809
00:36:31,423 --> 00:36:33,256
And you say
that you "ship" them.
810
00:36:33,258 --> 00:36:36,626
Which is basically like putting
them together as a couple.
811
00:36:36,628 --> 00:36:39,462
So Hank and Tomas
812
00:36:39,464 --> 00:36:41,298
become Hamas!
813
00:36:41,300 --> 00:36:43,867
And then we pretend
like they are married.
814
00:36:43,869 --> 00:36:46,903
And then they do stuff
that married people usually do.
815
00:36:46,905 --> 00:36:48,638
Like sex things.
816
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:51,441
Which is great because
they're straight in real life,
817
00:36:51,443 --> 00:36:53,910
so we have to fantasize.
818
00:36:59,585 --> 00:37:01,551
You wanna maybe help me
with one of these bags?
819
00:37:01,553 --> 00:37:03,853
Oh, sorry, my phone's kinda
heavy. I got a MoFi on it.
820
00:37:03,855 --> 00:37:07,324
- Oh, my God,
it's Tomas Butterman.
- And Hank Delacord.
821
00:37:07,326 --> 00:37:11,728
- Tomas!
- (girls clamoring)
822
00:37:11,730 --> 00:37:14,764
This is what happens
when we walk into a lobby!
823
00:37:16,835 --> 00:37:18,401
(camera clicks)
824
00:37:18,403 --> 00:37:20,804
All right, I gotta pee,
so let's do this fast.
825
00:37:20,806 --> 00:37:23,440
- Checking-in.
- What's your name?
826
00:37:23,442 --> 00:37:25,375
Really?
827
00:37:26,311 --> 00:37:27,644
Meredith,
why don't you take five?
828
00:37:27,646 --> 00:37:29,813
(chuckling)
I'm Janet.
829
00:37:29,815 --> 00:37:31,982
Thank you guys so much
for making it out.
830
00:37:31,984 --> 00:37:34,951
I mean, making out.
I mean, making it.
831
00:37:34,953 --> 00:37:38,288
- I mean, hi.
- Hi.
832
00:37:38,290 --> 00:37:39,756
Cool.
Can we check-in?
833
00:37:39,758 --> 00:37:41,992
Oh, of course.
I'm so sorry about Meredith.
834
00:37:41,994 --> 00:37:44,494
She's so basic.
Oh, shoot!
835
00:37:44,496 --> 00:37:47,297
They have you and Hank
in one hotel room.
836
00:37:47,299 --> 00:37:48,932
I-- I will get that
straightened out right away.
837
00:37:48,934 --> 00:37:52,769
- Both: No!
- Uh, no, no, no, we'll be cool.
838
00:37:52,771 --> 00:37:55,872
- We'll rough it.
- Oh, friendship goals.
839
00:37:55,874 --> 00:37:58,842
Um, and can somebody
take these freaking bags?
840
00:37:58,844 --> 00:38:01,745
- They're digging into me.
- Of course.
841
00:38:01,747 --> 00:38:04,381
Wouldn't want to piss off
the boss.
842
00:38:04,383 --> 00:38:07,550
- Oh, are you an employee?
- Yes.
843
00:38:07,552 --> 00:38:09,819
Oh, good. Keep working,
you might get promoted.
844
00:38:09,821 --> 00:38:11,454
- Ooh, thanks.
- Ooh, really quick.
845
00:38:11,456 --> 00:38:12,689
Before I go, can I just
get a picture of you?
846
00:38:12,691 --> 00:38:14,875
- Sure. (giggles)
- (camera clicks)
847
00:38:14,876 --> 00:38:17,060
Just wanna prove to my friends
that it's not just kids that
watch my videos.
848
00:38:17,062 --> 00:38:19,329
- It's old people.
- Aw.
849
00:38:19,331 --> 00:38:21,031
Stay gorgeous.
850
00:38:21,033 --> 00:38:23,433
- Can I have a hug?
- (giggling)
851
00:38:25,037 --> 00:38:27,304
I'm gonna go shower.
852
00:38:33,912 --> 00:38:36,880
- What's the plan?
- Dude, she's begging us
to go in there.
853
00:38:36,882 --> 00:38:39,683
Think about it,
you don't just take a shower
after a day of travel.
854
00:38:39,685 --> 00:38:42,619
- She wants us.
- Yeah.
855
00:38:42,621 --> 00:38:44,587
Okay, we get naked,
we lock hands,
856
00:38:44,589 --> 00:38:47,624
- we go in there together.
- That's not a very good plan.
857
00:38:47,626 --> 00:38:50,994
It's a plan.
I never said it was a good plan.
But it's a plan, okay?
858
00:38:50,996 --> 00:38:53,463
We go in there together,
in solidarity,
859
00:38:53,465 --> 00:38:55,098
she'll know
we're down to party.
860
00:38:55,100 --> 00:38:59,436
Amber: Hey, guys, can one of
you grab my makeup wipes?
861
00:38:59,438 --> 00:39:01,438
It's in my toiletry bag.
862
00:39:04,009 --> 00:39:06,476
(groaning)
863
00:39:06,478 --> 00:39:08,678
Get off me!
864
00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:11,481
Okay, guys, stop.
865
00:39:11,483 --> 00:39:13,817
Okay, you guys know I'm the best
describer of the group,
866
00:39:13,819 --> 00:39:16,920
I go in, I come back, and you
know I'm perfectly capable
867
00:39:16,922 --> 00:39:19,856
of telling you her body
in intimate detail.
868
00:39:19,858 --> 00:39:23,093
Wha-- But I'm the best...
869
00:39:23,095 --> 00:39:26,429
I-I'm the be--
I'm-I'm very good at--
870
00:39:26,431 --> 00:39:27,897
Amber:
Never mind, I'm good.
871
00:39:27,899 --> 00:39:29,899
God!
872
00:39:35,841 --> 00:39:38,108
Hi. I'm here.
873
00:39:38,110 --> 00:39:39,776
And you are whom?
874
00:39:39,778 --> 00:39:43,546
Dennis Wasserman,
the filmmaker.
875
00:39:45,917 --> 00:39:47,917
Um...
876
00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:51,521
I get 15 million
views a month.
877
00:39:51,523 --> 00:39:54,524
I'm sorry,
but you're not listed.
878
00:39:54,526 --> 00:39:57,460
I-- I'm not listed?
879
00:39:57,462 --> 00:40:00,930
Did you eat my invitation?
880
00:40:01,933 --> 00:40:04,601
Did you think
it was a cupcake?
881
00:40:04,603 --> 00:40:07,570
Because I'm a nominee.
882
00:40:07,572 --> 00:40:10,106
Oh, you're a nominee.
883
00:40:10,108 --> 00:40:13,042
'Cause I'm pretty sure
their names are Tomas Butterman,
884
00:40:13,044 --> 00:40:16,546
- Lucy Hand, Mr. Blankets, and--
- Mr. Blankets.
885
00:40:16,548 --> 00:40:18,715
- Oh, my God! Mr. Blankets!
- (shrieks)
886
00:40:18,717 --> 00:40:21,751
- Oh, where is he?
- He's a cat. I'm a person.
887
00:40:21,753 --> 00:40:23,119
Well, how do I know
888
00:40:23,121 --> 00:40:25,955
you're not just some random guy
saying that's your cat?
889
00:40:25,957 --> 00:40:29,692
Okay, I'm gonna need to speak
with your supervisor.
890
00:40:31,596 --> 00:40:34,097
Or did you eat her, too?
891
00:40:34,099 --> 00:40:37,901
I am the supervisor.
I organized this event.
892
00:40:37,903 --> 00:40:40,470
And I do not see
your name on the list.
893
00:40:40,472 --> 00:40:42,605
I have Mr. Blankets
and a plus-one.
894
00:40:42,607 --> 00:40:46,609
No, moron, you need to
let me into my event.
895
00:40:46,611 --> 00:40:49,579
- I'm a nominee!
- Security!
896
00:40:49,581 --> 00:40:51,848
Oh, what's up?
897
00:40:51,850 --> 00:40:53,883
(grunts)
898
00:40:55,086 --> 00:40:57,020
Okay, okay.
899
00:40:59,191 --> 00:41:01,858
They want a cat?
Fine.
900
00:41:01,860 --> 00:41:03,626
I'll give 'em a cat.
901
00:41:03,628 --> 00:41:05,929
I'll give 'em the cutest
goddamn cat they've ever seen
902
00:41:05,931 --> 00:41:08,665
in their (beep) lives.
903
00:41:15,774 --> 00:41:18,141
- Hey.
- Oh, these are free.
904
00:41:18,143 --> 00:41:21,010
No, no, um, I know you.
905
00:41:21,012 --> 00:41:22,812
- I've seen you before.
- Oh, yeah.
906
00:41:22,814 --> 00:41:24,514
"Wobbly Walk."
I get it.
907
00:41:24,516 --> 00:41:26,082
No, no, no.
908
00:41:26,084 --> 00:41:29,853
You were fantastic as Maggie
in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof."
909
00:41:29,855 --> 00:41:31,588
You saw that?
910
00:41:31,590 --> 00:41:33,523
Xander. Hold on.
911
00:41:33,525 --> 00:41:36,826
- Uh, hi, Veronica.
- I'll take your cup
of pretzels.
912
00:41:36,828 --> 00:41:39,596
- Very nice to meet you.
- Okay.
913
00:41:39,598 --> 00:41:42,732
- What do--
what do you do, Xander?
- Music.
914
00:41:42,734 --> 00:41:44,868
Uh, online mostly,
but I'm trying to transition
915
00:41:44,870 --> 00:41:47,070
into more mainstream stuff.
916
00:41:47,072 --> 00:41:51,708
'Cause I'm really sick of being
an Internet person, so...
917
00:41:51,710 --> 00:41:53,843
- I hear you on that one.
- Yeah.
918
00:41:53,845 --> 00:41:56,045
- It's, um, it's the worst.
- Yeah.
919
00:41:56,047 --> 00:41:57,914
It's absolutely the worst.
920
00:41:57,916 --> 00:42:01,651
(sighs)
I got something important
to ask you.
921
00:42:01,653 --> 00:42:03,620
Can I have one of
those pretzels?
922
00:42:06,091 --> 00:42:09,659
- I guess we could share.
- Please. Thank you so much.
923
00:42:09,661 --> 00:42:11,928
- Yeah, there's a lot over
there, but...
- Mm-mm.
924
00:42:11,930 --> 00:42:15,865
- I want one out
of your pretzel cup.
- Okay, all right, that's...
925
00:42:15,867 --> 00:42:18,535
Okay.
926
00:42:18,537 --> 00:42:19,936
Holy smokes,
927
00:42:19,938 --> 00:42:22,305
I got three missed messages.
928
00:42:22,307 --> 00:42:23,907
I don't know about you guys,
929
00:42:23,909 --> 00:42:26,743
but that makes me
Mr. Popular in my house.
930
00:42:26,745 --> 00:42:28,695
How do I, uh...
931
00:42:28,696 --> 00:42:30,646
(Mary on voicemail)
Oh, hey, honey, I just
got to the hotel.
932
00:42:30,649 --> 00:42:32,315
It's like 4:00 a.m.
933
00:42:32,317 --> 00:42:34,183
So, um, yeah,
I'm out for the night.
934
00:42:34,185 --> 00:42:36,586
I'll call you
tomorrow, okay? Bye.
935
00:42:36,588 --> 00:42:38,988
Wow, I don't know if you heard
that, but she called me "honey,"
936
00:42:38,990 --> 00:42:42,325
so that's a pretty big deal.
937
00:42:42,327 --> 00:42:44,928
- (Mary giggling)
- Uh- oh.
938
00:42:44,930 --> 00:42:47,130
Uh, I think
she butt dialed us.
939
00:42:47,132 --> 00:42:48,698
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Mary?
940
00:42:48,700 --> 00:42:50,967
Nope, she can't hear me.
It's a voicemail.
941
00:42:50,969 --> 00:42:53,236
Uh, Mary? Mary?
942
00:42:53,238 --> 00:42:55,772
Nah, she-- it's her voicemail.
She can't hear me.
943
00:42:55,774 --> 00:42:58,241
(Mary moaning)
944
00:43:02,948 --> 00:43:05,348
- Yes.
- Oh, God.
945
00:43:05,350 --> 00:43:07,884
Uh...
946
00:43:07,886 --> 00:43:09,652
Oh, you guys feel that?
947
00:43:09,654 --> 00:43:11,921
I got like a chill
in the room here.
948
00:43:11,923 --> 00:43:14,991
Well, uh,
I don't know about you guys,
949
00:43:14,993 --> 00:43:18,161
but I gotta
call it a night.
950
00:43:18,163 --> 00:43:20,296
I'm so tired.
951
00:43:20,298 --> 00:43:22,365
Why?
952
00:43:25,637 --> 00:43:28,171
- Whoo! Magic number!
- Ooh, first time.
953
00:43:28,173 --> 00:43:30,139
- This is tight.
- Hotel for a baller.
954
00:43:30,141 --> 00:43:32,609
Wow, this is
a really great room.
955
00:43:32,611 --> 00:43:35,979
- Man, mm.
- Yeah.
956
00:43:35,981 --> 00:43:38,081
Oh.
957
00:43:38,083 --> 00:43:41,184
Don't worry, I got you.
958
00:43:41,186 --> 00:43:44,187
- Cameraman: Ahem.
- Whoa!
959
00:43:44,189 --> 00:43:47,357
Oh, man, those are--
that's the camera guy.
960
00:43:47,359 --> 00:43:49,626
- Hey, guys.
- I get it.
961
00:43:49,628 --> 00:43:51,194
- You--
- I'll tell them to leave.
962
00:43:51,196 --> 00:43:53,663
You guys, I know you--
963
00:43:53,665 --> 00:43:55,298
I know you--
You gotta go
964
00:43:55,300 --> 00:43:57,367
'cause there's gonna be some...
(pops lips)
965
00:43:59,404 --> 00:44:02,071
- Just get out.
- Your TV show just
went X-rated.
966
00:44:02,073 --> 00:44:04,073
Oh, yeah.
They like that.
967
00:44:04,075 --> 00:44:07,677
Oh, yeah. What, are these
your business cards?
968
00:44:07,679 --> 00:44:10,113
(both grunting)
969
00:44:10,115 --> 00:44:12,348
Xander:
Business cards.
970
00:44:14,919 --> 00:44:18,087
- This is, um...
- Where were we?
971
00:44:18,089 --> 00:44:21,724
- Is this-- this is you?
- Yeah.
972
00:44:21,726 --> 00:44:24,827
- (chuckles)
- Is this a joke?
973
00:44:24,829 --> 00:44:26,229
No.
974
00:44:26,231 --> 00:44:29,065
You're LOL Zordon?
975
00:44:29,067 --> 00:44:31,801
You didn't know?
976
00:44:31,803 --> 00:44:34,103
I don't know how
you think I would know
977
00:44:34,105 --> 00:44:35,905
that you were LOL Zordon.
978
00:44:35,907 --> 00:44:38,307
- You ruined my life.
- How? What?!
979
00:44:38,309 --> 00:44:40,810
You took a video
that nobody else would see,
980
00:44:40,812 --> 00:44:43,446
and you-you made it
like this thing, this joke.
981
00:44:43,448 --> 00:44:46,883
- You made me a joke.
- The whole world has seen
that video.
982
00:44:46,885 --> 00:44:49,385
- You might have
your own TV show.
- Yeah, I could have that.
983
00:44:49,387 --> 00:44:51,187
You're right,
I could totally have that
984
00:44:51,189 --> 00:44:53,723
in a way that
I didn't even want.
985
00:44:53,725 --> 00:44:55,958
Well, maybe you should
flip your perspective a bit.
986
00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:57,794
I think you need to go.
987
00:45:06,204 --> 00:45:09,172
(door opens, closes)
988
00:45:12,844 --> 00:45:14,911
(sighs)
989
00:45:17,716 --> 00:45:20,149
Cameraman:
So you ready for the big show?
990
00:45:23,221 --> 00:45:25,388
(dance music playing)
991
00:45:25,390 --> 00:45:29,125
Announcer:
And now, filming live from
the Anaheim Convention Center
992
00:45:29,127 --> 00:45:31,894
in sunny
Southern California.
993
00:45:31,896 --> 00:45:34,430
It's time for "Chris!"
994
00:45:34,432 --> 00:45:38,000
And here's your host,
Chris.
995
00:45:38,002 --> 00:45:40,103
(dance music playing)
996
00:45:40,105 --> 00:45:42,772
(cheering and applause)
997
00:46:10,335 --> 00:46:12,235
Welcome!
998
00:46:12,237 --> 00:46:14,237
Welcome, good morning,
good morning.
999
00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:16,205
Today is a very special show,
1000
00:46:16,207 --> 00:46:19,442
because we're going to crown
the Web Star of the Year.
1001
00:46:19,444 --> 00:46:21,978
(cheering and applause)
1002
00:46:21,980 --> 00:46:24,514
And now, it's time
to meet our judges.
1003
00:46:24,516 --> 00:46:27,083
Our first judge
is a renowned soul singer
1004
00:46:27,085 --> 00:46:30,820
and current host of "HURRY!
Buy this Jewelry NOW!,"
1005
00:46:30,822 --> 00:46:33,322
Karen Raye Quivers!
1006
00:46:33,324 --> 00:46:35,958
Oh, hey, Chris.
1007
00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:39,562
I'm so excited to be here--
for a limited time only.
1008
00:46:39,564 --> 00:46:43,299
Our second judge
is a real cutup.
1009
00:46:43,301 --> 00:46:45,401
He's always pulling pranks
around the office.
1010
00:46:45,403 --> 00:46:46,936
Meet Frank Riggits.
1011
00:46:46,938 --> 00:46:50,039
- (cheering and applause)
- Hello.
1012
00:46:50,041 --> 00:46:52,975
Our third judge
is a comic icon.
1013
00:46:52,977 --> 00:46:55,244
You know him
from that hilarious trilogy,
1014
00:46:55,246 --> 00:46:57,413
"Don't Tell Mom
I Got Turned Into a Donkey!"
1015
00:46:57,415 --> 00:46:58,981
It's Larry Trambone.
1016
00:46:58,983 --> 00:47:01,584
- (cheering and applause)
- (laughing)
1017
00:47:06,124 --> 00:47:07,390
We'll be right back.
1018
00:47:13,164 --> 00:47:15,598
Is that your cat
right there?
1019
00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:19,001
- Uh, yeah.
- Nice, nice.
1020
00:47:21,940 --> 00:47:26,008
- How much you want for it?
- Excuse me?
1021
00:47:27,145 --> 00:47:30,880
That cat.
I'll give you $500 for it.
1022
00:47:30,882 --> 00:47:33,015
It's my wife's cat,
1023
00:47:33,017 --> 00:47:36,853
so I can't really sell it.
1024
00:47:36,855 --> 00:47:38,955
Tell her you took it
to the vet
1025
00:47:38,957 --> 00:47:41,123
and there were
complications.
1026
00:47:41,125 --> 00:47:44,193
He's just here
for a flea bath.
1027
00:47:54,105 --> 00:47:57,506
"Honey, I took the cat
to the vet.
1028
00:47:57,508 --> 00:47:59,475
And can you believe it?
1029
00:47:59,477 --> 00:48:01,277
He drowned
in his flea bath."
1030
00:48:01,279 --> 00:48:03,579
Jesus, man.
1031
00:48:05,016 --> 00:48:07,950
The gray Ford, 2,000 cash.
1032
00:48:07,952 --> 00:48:09,919
Final offer for that cat.
1033
00:48:13,091 --> 00:48:15,091
- Bethany's coming.
- Okay.
1034
00:48:15,093 --> 00:48:16,626
- Should I let her back?
- Yeah.
1035
00:48:16,628 --> 00:48:18,527
Chris, hey, it's me.
1036
00:48:18,529 --> 00:48:20,496
Yes, me-me, hi.
1037
00:48:20,498 --> 00:48:24,233
Hey, um, I wanted to tell you
a little story about myself
1038
00:48:24,235 --> 00:48:26,235
- if you don't mind.
- No.
1039
00:48:26,237 --> 00:48:30,373
You see, I used to get picked on
and bullied every single day.
1040
00:48:30,375 --> 00:48:31,574
And it was really hard.
1041
00:48:31,576 --> 00:48:34,043
I mean, I'd come home
with red eyes
1042
00:48:34,045 --> 00:48:36,379
and tear-covered cheeks.
1043
00:48:36,381 --> 00:48:38,180
And I got made fun of a lot
'cause we were poor
1044
00:48:38,182 --> 00:48:40,983
and I couldn't really afford
clothes like these, you know?
1045
00:48:40,985 --> 00:48:43,653
- I smelt like
a friggin' thrift store.
- Oh.
1046
00:48:43,655 --> 00:48:46,522
But every day,
1047
00:48:46,524 --> 00:48:48,257
I would see my best friend
1048
00:48:48,259 --> 00:48:51,928
at 3:00 p.m. without fail.
1049
00:48:51,930 --> 00:48:54,497
And his name was Chris.
1050
00:48:54,499 --> 00:48:58,301
You helped me
through so much.
1051
00:48:58,303 --> 00:49:01,237
And I don't think I'd be here
if it wasn't for you.
1052
00:49:01,239 --> 00:49:05,174
And I just wanted to say
thank you and...
1053
00:49:05,176 --> 00:49:07,410
man, I love you.
1054
00:49:07,412 --> 00:49:11,080
I think that you...
1055
00:49:11,082 --> 00:49:14,617
are a very special
young man.
1056
00:49:14,619 --> 00:49:16,652
And I will always
be your friend.
1057
00:49:16,654 --> 00:49:18,621
- Really?
- Always.
1058
00:49:18,623 --> 00:49:21,524
Come here.
1059
00:49:21,526 --> 00:49:24,193
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
1060
00:49:31,469 --> 00:49:33,436
- Did you get it?
- Every freakin' word.
1061
00:49:33,438 --> 00:49:35,604
(gasps) Oh, my God,
that angle, though.
1062
00:49:35,606 --> 00:49:38,207
(laughs)
That's gonna get so many views.
1063
00:49:38,209 --> 00:49:39,275
Let's go.
1064
00:49:39,277 --> 00:49:41,344
(bass thumping in background)
1065
00:49:44,582 --> 00:49:46,449
Oh, miss, no-no, thanks.
1066
00:49:46,451 --> 00:49:49,385
Yeah, she's a baby. Yeah.
1067
00:49:49,387 --> 00:49:51,988
She's literally 14 months old.
I just don't think she needs it.
1068
00:49:51,990 --> 00:49:53,422
Thank you.
1069
00:49:53,424 --> 00:49:56,625
She's a little baby.
1070
00:49:56,627 --> 00:49:59,996
(sighs)
Hey, has anyone seen
Mr. Blankets?
1071
00:49:59,998 --> 00:50:01,998
- He's a cat.
- Dale: Oh, no, sir.
1072
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:03,366
Been looking all over
for the guy.
1073
00:50:03,368 --> 00:50:05,301
Okay, well,
this guy's a real no-show.
1074
00:50:05,303 --> 00:50:08,170
I guess I can just put him
at the end and we'll see
what happen--
1075
00:50:09,374 --> 00:50:11,240
Copy that.
Okay, everybody,
1076
00:50:11,242 --> 00:50:13,309
I have your main man
for the evening.
1077
00:50:13,311 --> 00:50:15,644
Please welcome
the one and only Chris.
1078
00:50:15,646 --> 00:50:17,446
Chris:
Hey, ha ha ha!
1079
00:50:17,448 --> 00:50:19,448
Wow!
All of you in one room.
1080
00:50:19,450 --> 00:50:22,051
This is amazing.
I'm so glad you guys made it.
1081
00:50:22,053 --> 00:50:25,187
- I am such a huge fan, sir.
- Me of you, me of you.
1082
00:50:25,189 --> 00:50:26,689
- May I?
- Oh, yeah.
1083
00:50:26,691 --> 00:50:28,457
Hello, hello.
1084
00:50:28,459 --> 00:50:31,560
(demonic voice)
Hello.
1085
00:50:33,731 --> 00:50:35,765
(chuckles)
Wow, it's a tough crowd.
1086
00:50:35,767 --> 00:50:38,401
- (vocalizes)
- Hi, Chris.
1087
00:50:38,403 --> 00:50:40,636
- Hey.
- I'm so excited to be
working with you.
1088
00:50:40,638 --> 00:50:43,539
Well, I've always thought
that you've two have got
a lot of talent.
1089
00:50:43,541 --> 00:50:47,343
- (laughter)
- Good one, Chris.
1090
00:50:50,181 --> 00:50:54,050
Now, listen, I know you guys
are used to the isolation of
being in your basement
1091
00:50:54,052 --> 00:50:56,485
and looking into your
video cameras and everything,
but here's the deal.
1092
00:50:56,487 --> 00:50:59,522
It's exactly like it is
at home right here.
1093
00:50:59,524 --> 00:51:01,590
Except that there's about
12 cameras, okay?
1094
00:51:01,592 --> 00:51:05,361
And about 8,000 people
in the house, maybe another
ten or 20 million watching.
1095
00:51:05,363 --> 00:51:07,063
All right, so no need to be
nervous or anything.
1096
00:51:07,065 --> 00:51:08,564
But if you feel
like you gotta hurl,
1097
00:51:08,566 --> 00:51:10,666
just make sure you do it before
you get out on stage, okay?
1098
00:51:10,668 --> 00:51:12,535
All right, now, uh...
1099
00:51:12,536 --> 00:51:14,403
(high-pitched)
this little host has to host
his own little show now.
1100
00:51:14,405 --> 00:51:16,739
So if you'll excuse me,
I'll see you later.
1101
00:51:16,741 --> 00:51:18,707
(normal voice) And listen,
good luck to you, okay?
1102
00:51:18,709 --> 00:51:20,509
- Bye.
- So long, Chris.
1103
00:51:20,511 --> 00:51:22,511
Okay, everybody,
this is how it's gonna go.
1104
00:51:22,513 --> 00:51:25,481
All right, you'll do a quick
introduction, they'll roll tape,
1105
00:51:25,483 --> 00:51:27,033
you'll do
your live performances.
1106
00:51:27,034 --> 00:51:28,584
Keep it under two minutes,
please, guys.
1107
00:51:28,586 --> 00:51:30,753
- What?!
- Live performance--
no, no, no.
1108
00:51:30,755 --> 00:51:32,755
Nobody-- nobody said there
was gonna be a live performance.
1109
00:51:32,757 --> 00:51:35,224
I didn't know anything
about a live performance,
1110
00:51:35,226 --> 00:51:36,725
so I don't think
we're doing it.
1111
00:51:36,727 --> 00:51:38,594
- Yeah, nobody
told us about that.
- Yeah.
1112
00:51:38,596 --> 00:51:40,529
Uh, guys, I don't know
what to tell you.
1113
00:51:40,531 --> 00:51:42,865
It's a talent competition,
so it's why you're here.
1114
00:51:42,867 --> 00:51:44,700
Well, I guess we'll just have
to whip something up for ya.
1115
00:51:44,702 --> 00:51:46,569
Excellent.
Uh, speaking of which,
1116
00:51:46,571 --> 00:51:50,539
I have a very special celebrity
talent coach, Mr. Tay Zonday.
1117
00:51:52,376 --> 00:51:55,411
Hey, guys,
it's gonna be great.
1118
00:51:55,413 --> 00:51:59,748
Just believe in yourselves,
and, yeah...
1119
00:51:59,750 --> 00:52:03,119
I don't know
what else to tell you.
1120
00:52:03,121 --> 00:52:05,588
Great. Awesome.
Yeah, let's get the photo.
1121
00:52:07,758 --> 00:52:09,625
Gorgeous.
1122
00:52:09,627 --> 00:52:11,460
Okay, we parked out back?
1123
00:52:11,462 --> 00:52:14,430
- Yeah, right around the corner.
- And what was the point
of that?
1124
00:52:14,432 --> 00:52:16,599
Five minutes, guys.
1125
00:52:16,601 --> 00:52:17,900
What do we do?
What do we do? What do we do?
1126
00:52:17,902 --> 00:52:20,369
Our top finalists
worked around the clock
1127
00:52:20,371 --> 00:52:24,406
with our special celebrity
talent coach Tay Zonday.
1128
00:52:24,408 --> 00:52:26,342
(cheering and applause)
1129
00:52:26,344 --> 00:52:30,546
Here are some special moments
from that day.
1130
00:52:30,548 --> 00:52:32,281
(music playing)
1131
00:52:32,283 --> 00:52:34,783
I was so impressed
by the talent in this
competition.
1132
00:52:34,785 --> 00:52:38,320
Working with them all
so closely, I can safely say,
1133
00:52:38,322 --> 00:52:41,157
it's gonna be very hard
to predict how this thing
shakes out.
1134
00:52:41,159 --> 00:52:44,827
I did everything I could to give
them all the tools they needed.
1135
00:52:44,829 --> 00:52:46,729
And anything they didn't
get from me in person,
1136
00:52:46,731 --> 00:52:50,166
they can get in my newly
released book called,
"Buy My Book."
1137
00:52:50,168 --> 00:52:51,901
Available in stores right now.
1138
00:52:51,903 --> 00:52:55,337
Buy it.
Just don't ask me what's in it.
1139
00:52:55,339 --> 00:52:57,339
Thank you.
1140
00:52:57,341 --> 00:53:00,209
Some people read
Jonathan Livingston Seagull.
1141
00:53:00,211 --> 00:53:01,677
Others, the "Way of
the Peaceful Warrior."
1142
00:53:01,679 --> 00:53:04,380
- I just grab a minute
with Tay Zonday.
- (laugher)
1143
00:53:04,382 --> 00:53:06,282
He gave us a minute.
1144
00:53:06,284 --> 00:53:07,716
Thanks for watching
the "Chris!" show.
1145
00:53:07,718 --> 00:53:09,552
It's Chris.
We'll be right back.
1146
00:53:11,422 --> 00:53:13,522
Amber, you're on
in two minutes, okay?
1147
00:53:13,524 --> 00:53:15,524
- All right.
- Excuse me, guys, sorry.
1148
00:53:15,526 --> 00:53:17,826
Oh, no. Okay.
1149
00:53:17,828 --> 00:53:20,629
Writers, what do I do?
1150
00:53:20,631 --> 00:53:22,464
You could tell some jokes.
1151
00:53:22,466 --> 00:53:25,568
I know this one joke about
two guys that walk into church.
1152
00:53:25,570 --> 00:53:27,570
One knows about science,
and one knows about God,
1153
00:53:27,572 --> 00:53:29,605
but that ain't
no two minutes, man.
1154
00:53:29,607 --> 00:53:32,841
You're probably just going to
have to take it all off
and show them the goods.
1155
00:53:32,843 --> 00:53:35,344
The goods! That's it!
1156
00:53:35,346 --> 00:53:37,646
I'll do Mrs. Cloudbottom.
1157
00:53:37,648 --> 00:53:40,482
But my costume's upstairs,
can one of you get it in time?
1158
00:53:40,484 --> 00:53:42,484
- I'm on it.
- But, Doug, you're not so fast.
1159
00:53:42,486 --> 00:53:45,487
Today, I'm gonna have to be.
Excuse me.
1160
00:53:45,489 --> 00:53:47,690
It's going to be okay, Amber.
1161
00:53:47,692 --> 00:53:50,392
I-I'm really sorry.
I'm terrible at time management.
1162
00:53:50,394 --> 00:53:52,361
- You're on right now, okay?
- Wait--
1163
00:53:52,363 --> 00:53:53,462
Come on, baby, come on.
Right now.
1164
00:53:53,464 --> 00:53:54,997
Just-- just think of
Eddie Murphy.
1165
00:53:54,999 --> 00:53:57,600
Our first finalist
is a "comedian"
1166
00:53:57,602 --> 00:53:59,702
with over
a half billion views.
1167
00:53:59,704 --> 00:54:01,370
Please give it up
for Amber Day.
1168
00:54:01,372 --> 00:54:03,606
(cheering and applause)
1169
00:54:03,608 --> 00:54:05,975
Amber.
1170
00:54:05,977 --> 00:54:08,010
Hi, TV people!
1171
00:54:08,012 --> 00:54:11,380
So, Amber, if you get your own
show on the boob tube,
1172
00:54:11,382 --> 00:54:12,915
what the heck
are you gonna do?
1173
00:54:12,917 --> 00:54:15,651
Well...
1174
00:54:15,653 --> 00:54:18,354
I just wanna
make people laugh.
1175
00:54:18,356 --> 00:54:22,524
So it will most definitely be
a funny show.
1176
00:54:24,462 --> 00:54:27,563
Thank you.
1177
00:54:27,565 --> 00:54:30,699
Okay, save some of that comedy
for your own show.
1178
00:54:30,701 --> 00:54:32,434
(laughter)
1179
00:54:32,436 --> 00:54:34,670
Let's roll the clip,
shall we?
1180
00:54:34,672 --> 00:54:37,306
- (whispering)
Hey, Amber. Amber.
- (music playing)
1181
00:54:37,308 --> 00:54:40,709
So the video is four minutes,
so that means that you have...
1182
00:54:40,711 --> 00:54:42,811
four minutes.
1183
00:54:42,813 --> 00:54:44,046
Oh, God.
1184
00:54:47,285 --> 00:54:50,052
- We can do the Miley spoof
"We Can't Mop."
- No!
1185
00:54:50,054 --> 00:54:52,421
Everybody's already seen
"We Can't Mop," Hank.
1186
00:54:52,423 --> 00:54:55,291
It has 100 million views.
1187
00:54:55,293 --> 00:54:56,825
How 'bout The Weeknd?
The new Weeknd spoof?
1188
00:54:56,827 --> 00:55:00,562
No, "I Can't Find My Vase"
isn't ready yet.
1189
00:55:05,870 --> 00:55:07,836
Amber, I'm coming for you!
1190
00:55:07,838 --> 00:55:11,040
Man:
How's it going, Dale?
1191
00:55:11,042 --> 00:55:14,076
Oh, uh, not too good, no.
1192
00:55:14,078 --> 00:55:17,746
Um, it's been
a tough couple days.
1193
00:55:18,949 --> 00:55:21,617
I guess I just...
1194
00:55:21,619 --> 00:55:23,852
I just see
perpetual darkness around me.
1195
00:55:23,854 --> 00:55:27,656
I don't really see anything, uh,
too hopeful, other than Lucy.
1196
00:55:27,658 --> 00:55:31,427
But, um, I don't--
I don't see much for Dale.
1197
00:55:32,530 --> 00:55:34,463
So, uh...
1198
00:55:36,801 --> 00:55:39,668
But next week's
my birthday, so...
1199
00:55:45,409 --> 00:55:46,975
- Coming through.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1200
00:55:46,977 --> 00:55:49,345
Restricted access, sir.
1201
00:55:49,347 --> 00:55:52,781
Why don't you check
your clipboard there
for Mr. Blankets?
1202
00:55:52,783 --> 00:55:54,917
Is that Mr. Blankets?
1203
00:55:54,919 --> 00:55:56,618
- (meows)
- It's a cat.
1204
00:55:56,620 --> 00:55:59,121
Get in there.
It's started. Sorry, sir.
1205
00:56:00,825 --> 00:56:03,092
We have Mr. Blankets.
1206
00:56:03,094 --> 00:56:05,728
I did it! I got 'em!
1207
00:56:05,730 --> 00:56:08,497
Oh, my God,
Doug, you are amazing!
1208
00:56:08,499 --> 00:56:10,866
All right, I'm gonna go to
the changing room real quick.
1209
00:56:10,868 --> 00:56:12,534
- Go, go.
- No, don't go anywhere, Amber.
1210
00:56:12,536 --> 00:56:14,870
- We're back on in 30 seconds.
- Oh, my God.
1211
00:56:14,872 --> 00:56:16,705
- What are we gonna do?
- Okay.
1212
00:56:16,707 --> 00:56:20,709
Kevin, Doug, I need you guys
to watch this area, all right?
1213
00:56:20,711 --> 00:56:22,811
I'm not wearing
any underwear.
1214
00:56:22,813 --> 00:56:24,513
Carlos, look at me.
1215
00:56:24,515 --> 00:56:27,416
I need you to help me
get dressed.
1216
00:56:27,418 --> 00:56:28,817
- Okay.
- Here you go.
1217
00:56:28,819 --> 00:56:30,552
All right, let's go.
1218
00:56:33,023 --> 00:56:35,791
All right,
it's coming off.
1219
00:56:36,827 --> 00:56:39,695
Okay, it's coming down.
1220
00:56:39,697 --> 00:56:42,164
- Oh, my gosh,
it's so cold in here.
- Kevin: You need a hand?
1221
00:56:42,166 --> 00:56:44,466
Bra. Okay.
1222
00:56:44,468 --> 00:56:47,536
How about the original?
The original that you've
been working on.
1223
00:56:47,538 --> 00:56:48,837
- No.
- Yes!
1224
00:56:48,839 --> 00:56:50,572
Why not?
Think about it.
1225
00:56:50,574 --> 00:56:52,474
The entire world
is watching us.
1226
00:56:52,476 --> 00:56:55,511
This is where we can show
that you are not just
a parody artist.
1227
00:56:55,513 --> 00:56:57,112
You're an artist.
1228
00:56:57,114 --> 00:56:59,548
Okay, underwear.
1229
00:56:59,550 --> 00:57:03,118
Okay, how do I look?
1230
00:57:05,556 --> 00:57:06,922
Beautiful.
1231
00:57:06,924 --> 00:57:09,958
Amber! Amber!
You're on right now.
Go. Go, go, go.
1232
00:57:09,960 --> 00:57:12,594
Good luck.
1233
00:57:12,596 --> 00:57:16,165
Wow, well,
gee whiz, Amber.
1234
00:57:16,167 --> 00:57:18,667
Those tapes were very...
1235
00:57:18,669 --> 00:57:20,869
- bouncy and perky.
- (laughter)
1236
00:57:20,871 --> 00:57:22,438
I'm not Amber.
1237
00:57:22,440 --> 00:57:25,507
I'm Mrs. Cloudbottom,
the Dogcatcher.
1238
00:57:25,509 --> 00:57:29,745
Are there any dogs out here
for me to catch?
1239
00:57:33,584 --> 00:57:36,218
Whenever I see a dog
off the leash,
1240
00:57:36,220 --> 00:57:39,888
I got a real bone to pick
with the owner.
1241
00:57:39,890 --> 00:57:43,459
Man: Boo.
1242
00:57:43,461 --> 00:57:46,695
How are we supposed to write the
jokes when she's on the stage?
1243
00:57:46,697 --> 00:57:49,465
- We did write the jokes.
- Shut up, Doug,
be constructive.
1244
00:57:49,467 --> 00:57:51,133
Come on, guys, think.
1245
00:57:51,135 --> 00:57:55,871
I'm a dogcatcher,
and my name is Mrs. Cloudbottom.
1246
00:57:55,873 --> 00:57:58,974
- Man: Take it off!
- (laughter, whistling)
1247
00:57:58,976 --> 00:58:01,877
- Ruff, ruff, man.
- Whoa!
1248
00:58:01,879 --> 00:58:05,047
Looks like
we got a live one.
1249
00:58:05,049 --> 00:58:07,983
- (laughter)
- Oh, definitely neuter.
1250
00:58:07,985 --> 00:58:11,587
(music playing)
1251
00:58:11,589 --> 00:58:14,156
Wow, great job, Amber.
1252
00:58:14,158 --> 00:58:16,091
I mean, Miss Cloudbreast.
1253
00:58:16,093 --> 00:58:18,160
Way to pull that one
out of your net.
1254
00:58:18,162 --> 00:58:20,195
Okay, judges,
what do you gotta say?
1255
00:58:20,197 --> 00:58:22,598
Karen Raye Quivers.
1256
00:58:22,600 --> 00:58:25,000
You know, no judgment,
1257
00:58:25,002 --> 00:58:27,669
but when I first met you,
I thought,
1258
00:58:27,671 --> 00:58:30,839
"Now there is a girl
I just don't trust."
1259
00:58:30,841 --> 00:58:33,842
She's fake.
She's got fake hair.
A fake face.
1260
00:58:33,844 --> 00:58:35,878
Looks like she done
bought it at a store.
1261
00:58:35,880 --> 00:58:38,680
And I thought
the nerve of this woman.
1262
00:58:38,682 --> 00:58:41,550
She probably never worked a day
in her whole damn life.
1263
00:58:41,552 --> 00:58:44,920
She got beady,
cold, evil-wall eyes.
1264
00:58:44,922 --> 00:58:46,555
You know, the kind
that just follow you.
1265
00:58:46,557 --> 00:58:48,290
You can't escape them
no matter where you go.
1266
00:58:48,292 --> 00:58:52,761
No matter what you do.
No matter what God you pray to.
1267
00:58:52,763 --> 00:58:56,965
But then, you totally
turned it around.
1268
00:58:56,967 --> 00:58:59,768
Good for you.
You got my vote.
Congratulations.
1269
00:58:59,770 --> 00:59:02,237
- Oh!
- (cheering and applause)
1270
00:59:03,707 --> 00:59:07,276
Um, you know,
it started out kinda "ruff."
1271
00:59:07,278 --> 00:59:09,912
- Ruff.
- (sporadic laughter)
1272
00:59:09,914 --> 00:59:14,182
Then it ended up
kinda "grr-eat."
1273
00:59:15,753 --> 00:59:18,153
So that was,
um, something.
1274
00:59:18,155 --> 00:59:22,324
Um, I would, uh,
scratch behind her ears
1275
00:59:22,326 --> 00:59:24,826
if given the opportunity.
1276
00:59:24,828 --> 00:59:27,963
And, uh, she deserves a treat.
Good girl, good girl.
1277
00:59:27,965 --> 00:59:30,132
(cheering and applause)
1278
00:59:30,134 --> 00:59:33,735
(laughs)
Oh, somebody better call
an ambulance
1279
00:59:33,737 --> 00:59:35,671
because my heart
just stopped.
1280
00:59:35,673 --> 00:59:37,573
You are funny and pretty.
1281
00:59:37,575 --> 00:59:40,242
That's a w-w-w-winning combo.
1282
00:59:40,244 --> 00:59:43,111
Combo!
(barking)
1283
00:59:43,113 --> 00:59:46,848
(vocalizing)
1284
00:59:46,850 --> 00:59:49,217
Gosh, Larry, we miss you
on the silver screen.
1285
00:59:49,219 --> 00:59:51,753
(mimicking rocket)
1286
00:59:53,357 --> 00:59:55,624
- (cheering and applause)
- We'll be right back.
1287
00:59:55,626 --> 00:59:58,193
Way to save the Titanic,
lady dog. Good job.
1288
00:59:58,195 --> 01:00:00,195
Oh, my God.
1289
01:00:00,197 --> 01:00:02,864
You guys are amazing.
1290
01:00:02,866 --> 01:00:04,900
Mwah. Mwah.
1291
01:00:04,902 --> 01:00:07,269
Mmmwah!
1292
01:00:07,271 --> 01:00:09,738
(giggling)
1293
01:00:09,740 --> 01:00:11,740
Tell us everything.
1294
01:00:11,742 --> 01:00:15,210
Size, shape, color--
you are by far the best
describer of the group.
1295
01:00:15,212 --> 01:00:19,147
Was it like magic?
Was it like we dreamed of?
1296
01:00:20,084 --> 01:00:21,750
It was amazing, man.
1297
01:00:21,752 --> 01:00:24,086
There was nipples everywhere.
1298
01:00:24,088 --> 01:00:27,122
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
1299
01:00:27,124 --> 01:00:31,093
- Keep going, keep going.
- And when she-- she
took off the bra,
1300
01:00:31,095 --> 01:00:33,762
they were free
and they were bigger than ever.
1301
01:00:33,764 --> 01:00:35,330
- They were big?
- They were huge.
1302
01:00:35,332 --> 01:00:37,933
I-I saw everything, man.
They were big.
1303
01:00:37,935 --> 01:00:40,035
- But I saw it, I saw it.
- You saw it.
1304
01:00:40,037 --> 01:00:41,336
- I saw it.
- My boy.
1305
01:00:42,773 --> 01:00:45,173
I panicked.
1306
01:00:45,175 --> 01:00:48,210
I had my shot,
and I-I freakin' blew it.
1307
01:00:49,279 --> 01:00:51,947
I shut my eyes so tight.
1308
01:00:51,949 --> 01:00:53,882
All I could see is blackness.
1309
01:00:53,884 --> 01:00:55,751
100% black.
1310
01:00:57,788 --> 01:01:00,188
Is that the cat?
Oh, thank God you're here.
1311
01:01:00,190 --> 01:01:03,025
Is everything okay?
Look, Diane, will you get him
a water, please?
1312
01:01:03,027 --> 01:01:06,895
Oh, Diane, make that
a room temp, okay, sweetie?
1313
01:01:06,897 --> 01:01:11,099
Please welcome
Tomas "The Parody Boss"
and his little friend Hank.
1314
01:01:11,101 --> 01:01:15,037
Or as you may know them...
Hamas?
1315
01:01:15,039 --> 01:01:17,105
(cheering and applause)
1316
01:01:29,687 --> 01:01:31,753
- What a sweet young man.
- Great to see you again, bro.
1317
01:01:31,755 --> 01:01:33,488
Yeah, we definitely
have never met.
1318
01:01:33,489 --> 01:01:35,222
- Yeah, we met
that-- that one time.
- No, never happened.
1319
01:01:35,225 --> 01:01:39,027
- You're one of my Hanky Panks.
- What the (bleep) is that?
1320
01:01:39,029 --> 01:01:40,996
What the (bleep)
is a "Hanky Pank"?
1321
01:01:43,801 --> 01:01:45,901
Okay, so, let's uh,
let's roll the tape, shall we?
1322
01:01:45,903 --> 01:01:48,103
Actually, uh, we're gonna
do something a little bit
different today.
1323
01:01:48,105 --> 01:01:51,006
Because right now, we're gonna
be performing an original song!
1324
01:01:51,008 --> 01:01:53,175
And it's gonna be banging!
1325
01:01:53,177 --> 01:01:54,743
Okay, I have no idea
what that means.
1326
01:01:54,745 --> 01:01:56,078
It means it's gonna be
amazing.
1327
01:01:56,080 --> 01:01:58,046
All right, well, here we go.
No tape.
1328
01:01:58,048 --> 01:02:01,850
Here they are,
Tomas and Hank performing.
1329
01:02:01,852 --> 01:02:04,386
- Man: I love you, Hamas!
- (music playing)
1330
01:02:08,492 --> 01:02:10,759
(cheering and applause)
1331
01:02:14,231 --> 01:02:17,265
♪ Yo, I know God said
no false idols ♪
1332
01:02:17,267 --> 01:02:21,269
♪ But I talk to God
and we chill so ♪
1333
01:02:21,271 --> 01:02:23,872
♪ You can pray to Tomas ♪
1334
01:02:23,874 --> 01:02:26,842
♪ I'll get you
through it all ♪
1335
01:02:26,844 --> 01:02:29,911
♪ It started
as a little boy ♪
1336
01:02:29,913 --> 01:02:32,881
♪ I used to dream
of what life could be ♪
1337
01:02:32,883 --> 01:02:35,350
♪ I've checked
all the boxes now ♪
1338
01:02:35,352 --> 01:02:37,486
♪ That I'm on frickin' TV ♪
1339
01:02:37,488 --> 01:02:43,024
♪ I am, I am ♪
1340
01:02:43,026 --> 01:02:47,095
♪ Everything,
I'm everything ♪
1341
01:02:47,097 --> 01:02:51,900
♪ Yeah, I am ♪
1342
01:02:51,902 --> 01:02:54,469
♪ I am ♪
1343
01:02:54,471 --> 01:02:56,905
♪ Everything ♪
1344
01:02:56,907 --> 01:03:01,777
♪ I'm everything, yeah ♪
1345
01:03:01,779 --> 01:03:03,845
♪ When I was
a little boy ♪
1346
01:03:03,847 --> 01:03:06,181
♪ My teacher asked
what we wanna be ♪
1347
01:03:06,183 --> 01:03:09,518
♪ Most kids said astronaut ♪
1348
01:03:09,520 --> 01:03:12,854
♪ The answer
should've been me ♪
1349
01:03:12,856 --> 01:03:15,090
♪ Now I make more money
in a month ♪
1350
01:03:15,092 --> 01:03:18,260
♪ Than my teacher
made in a year ♪
1351
01:03:18,262 --> 01:03:21,263
♪ And all those kids from
my class will kill themselves ♪
1352
01:03:21,265 --> 01:03:23,198
♪ When they see me here ♪
1353
01:03:23,200 --> 01:03:25,333
♪ I am... ♪
1354
01:03:25,335 --> 01:03:27,569
I'm done.
I am absolutely done.
1355
01:03:27,571 --> 01:03:29,471
So go tell Chris
that I'm not doing it,
1356
01:03:29,473 --> 01:03:31,339
'cause I'm not doing
"The Wobbly Walk."
1357
01:03:31,341 --> 01:03:34,576
Man: Veronica, if you leave,
you could get sued.
1358
01:03:34,578 --> 01:03:38,380
You signed a contract,
and you will be held
liable for damages.
1359
01:03:48,225 --> 01:03:52,194
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Shit! Shit! Shit!
1360
01:03:52,196 --> 01:03:55,163
♪ Life goals, dream goals ♪
1361
01:03:55,165 --> 01:03:58,033
♪ House goals, car goals ♪
1362
01:03:58,035 --> 01:04:01,069
♪ Boy goals, girl goals ♪
1363
01:04:01,071 --> 01:04:03,471
♪ Equal goals,
whatever goals ♪
1364
01:04:03,473 --> 01:04:06,608
♪ Sleep goals,
teeth goals ♪
1365
01:04:06,610 --> 01:04:09,477
♪ Tan goals, cash goals ♪
1366
01:04:09,479 --> 01:04:11,947
♪ Squad goals,
all the goals ♪
1367
01:04:11,949 --> 01:04:15,150
♪ If you Google search goals
you'll just see pictures of me ♪
1368
01:04:15,152 --> 01:04:20,989
♪ I am, I am ♪
1369
01:04:20,991 --> 01:04:25,493
♪ Everything,
I'm everything ♪
1370
01:04:25,495 --> 01:04:29,331
♪ Yeah, I am ♪
1371
01:04:29,333 --> 01:04:32,367
♪ I am ♪
1372
01:04:32,369 --> 01:04:37,038
♪ Everything,
I'm everything ♪
1373
01:04:37,040 --> 01:04:39,007
♪ Yeah ♪♪
1374
01:04:40,444 --> 01:04:42,577
Woman:
Do "Heathers," come on!
1375
01:04:42,579 --> 01:04:44,646
Man:
Why didn't you do "Moo, moo"?
1376
01:04:44,648 --> 01:04:47,515
Wow, fellas, that was...
that was really loud.
1377
01:04:47,517 --> 01:04:51,052
Uh, let's-- let's check-in
with our judges.
1378
01:04:51,054 --> 01:04:54,022
- Karen?
- Oh, honey.
1379
01:04:54,024 --> 01:04:55,924
Honey, I have got to say,
1380
01:04:55,926 --> 01:04:59,261
that was the worst piece of shit
I've ever seen in my life.
1381
01:04:59,263 --> 01:05:03,031
You done flung horse manure
all over this room.
1382
01:05:03,033 --> 01:05:05,400
We're all sitting in it,
just covered in it.
1383
01:05:05,402 --> 01:05:09,237
And you couldn't sell a
performance if you broke it
into four easy payments,
1384
01:05:09,239 --> 01:05:12,107
and you have gold
just dripping out your butthole.
1385
01:05:12,109 --> 01:05:15,644
Honey, you need to stop.
Do us all a goddamn favor
and quit.
1386
01:05:15,646 --> 01:05:19,281
Chris, I'm a no.
I'm a hell to the no.
1387
01:05:19,283 --> 01:05:21,549
Okay, okay.
1388
01:05:21,551 --> 01:05:24,586
Frank.
Oh, gosh, where's Frank?
1389
01:05:24,588 --> 01:05:26,922
It's me, it was me.
I was kidding.
1390
01:05:26,924 --> 01:05:29,324
That was bad.
That was real bad.
1391
01:05:29,326 --> 01:05:33,361
Frank, you are such a cutup.
I'm gonna keep my eye on you.
1392
01:05:33,363 --> 01:05:34,696
That should be easy.
1393
01:05:34,698 --> 01:05:37,198
I'm like right in
your field of vision.
1394
01:05:37,200 --> 01:05:38,967
(laughter)
1395
01:05:38,969 --> 01:05:41,703
All right,
and do I even ask?
1396
01:05:41,705 --> 01:05:44,973
Do I even dare to ask?
Larry.
1397
01:05:46,410 --> 01:05:49,377
No... no.
Don't come near me.
1398
01:05:49,379 --> 01:05:51,012
Don't come near me
with that!
1399
01:05:51,014 --> 01:05:53,615
I'm not numb! No! No!
1400
01:05:53,617 --> 01:05:56,584
Ah! Ah!
1401
01:05:56,586 --> 01:05:58,386
- (screaming continues)
- Okay, I think Larry's
simulating
1402
01:05:58,388 --> 01:05:59,454
dental work out there.
1403
01:06:01,959 --> 01:06:05,493
(crying)
I didn't like it.
1404
01:06:05,495 --> 01:06:08,196
All right, thanks, guys.
Let's give it up.
1405
01:06:08,198 --> 01:06:10,198
- (light applause)
- Okay...
1406
01:06:11,568 --> 01:06:13,668
- Tough break.
- Eat a dick.
1407
01:06:13,670 --> 01:06:15,236
Tomas, Tomas, hey, look.
1408
01:06:15,238 --> 01:06:17,455
You looked great out there.
Hair looks great.
1409
01:06:17,456 --> 01:06:19,673
- I know!
- Okay, the fans vote, okay?
Not the judges.
1410
01:06:19,676 --> 01:06:22,344
We got this in
the freakin' bag.
1411
01:06:22,346 --> 01:06:24,312
- Yeah?
- No.
1412
01:06:24,314 --> 01:06:27,115
You-- Yes.
What do you mean "no"? Yes.
1413
01:06:27,117 --> 01:06:30,485
Next up is a real crybaby.
I mean, literally.
1414
01:06:30,487 --> 01:06:33,989
Her hilarious,
frightened reactions
have captivated the world.
1415
01:06:33,991 --> 01:06:36,491
This girl is going to be
a huge star.
1416
01:06:36,493 --> 01:06:40,228
Please welcome to
the stage little baby Lucy
and her daddy Dale.
1417
01:06:40,230 --> 01:06:42,297
(cheering and applause)
1418
01:06:45,135 --> 01:06:48,103
Okay, I, uh, I think
it might be a good time
1419
01:06:48,105 --> 01:06:50,205
to roll Dale's video montage
1420
01:06:50,207 --> 01:06:53,575
chronicling the life
of little baby Lucy.
1421
01:06:53,577 --> 01:06:55,143
(music playing)
1422
01:06:55,145 --> 01:06:58,013
- Mary: Yay! Whoo!
- Dale: Whoo!
1423
01:06:58,015 --> 01:07:00,382
Whoo!
1424
01:07:00,384 --> 01:07:03,084
Hey, where's Mommy?
There she is. Say hi.
1425
01:07:03,086 --> 01:07:05,186
(demonic voice)
There is no God.
1426
01:07:05,188 --> 01:07:06,521
- (growling)
- (laughter)
1427
01:07:06,523 --> 01:07:08,223
(crying)
1428
01:07:08,225 --> 01:07:10,492
Mary:
Aren't you sweet?
1429
01:07:10,494 --> 01:07:13,795
"It's not my dragon.
His spots are too shiny."
1430
01:07:18,468 --> 01:07:20,101
- Dale: Walking, okay.
- Mary: Learning how to walk.
1431
01:07:20,103 --> 01:07:22,387
Dale:
Learning how to walk.
1432
01:07:22,388 --> 01:07:24,672
All right, who wants another
dog? These things are going
pretty quick.
1433
01:07:24,674 --> 01:07:27,075
- (laughter)
- Anybody? Show of hands.
1434
01:07:27,077 --> 01:07:29,344
Oh, my God.
Oh... oh, God.
1435
01:07:29,346 --> 01:07:30,812
Okay, this isn't a joke.
1436
01:07:30,814 --> 01:07:34,082
Ah! This isn't a joke!
Dale's burning! Dale's burning!
1437
01:07:34,084 --> 01:07:35,717
- Mary: Peekaboo.
- Dale: Baby elevator.
1438
01:07:35,719 --> 01:07:38,620
- Hello.
- Look at that. Up.
1439
01:07:41,491 --> 01:07:44,659
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, what's happening?
1440
01:07:44,661 --> 01:07:47,228
What's happening?
Oh, my God!
1441
01:07:47,230 --> 01:07:50,231
Please, don't take my daughter!
Please, don't take my daughter!
1442
01:07:50,233 --> 01:07:53,068
Please, just don't
take my daughter!
1443
01:07:53,070 --> 01:07:55,570
(cheering and applause)
1444
01:07:55,572 --> 01:07:58,473
That was one scared baby.
1445
01:07:58,475 --> 01:08:00,542
Now, Dale,
you have two minutes
1446
01:08:00,544 --> 01:08:03,611
to give these folks
the show of their lives.
1447
01:08:03,613 --> 01:08:06,414
Now, what prank
are we gonna see?
1448
01:08:09,152 --> 01:08:11,786
She really-- she really
was a scared baby, huh?
1449
01:08:15,292 --> 01:08:19,561
I was-- I was thinking
that, uh....
1450
01:08:19,563 --> 01:08:22,530
I have been scaring
baby Lucy
1451
01:08:22,532 --> 01:08:25,500
pretty much
every single week
1452
01:08:25,502 --> 01:08:27,702
for her entire life so far.
1453
01:08:27,704 --> 01:08:30,371
- (applause)
- And, uh...
1454
01:08:32,142 --> 01:08:34,375
Well, you know what
I learned this weekend?
1455
01:08:35,879 --> 01:08:39,247
I think the world is
a scary enough place as it is
1456
01:08:39,249 --> 01:08:42,117
without me dressing up like
"Bram Stoker's Dracula"
1457
01:08:42,119 --> 01:08:44,219
and getting staked
by vampire hunters
1458
01:08:44,221 --> 01:08:46,254
and turned into dust,
you know?
1459
01:08:46,256 --> 01:08:48,723
I know a lot of you people in
Hollywood are watching right now
1460
01:08:48,725 --> 01:08:52,127
and you're thinking
you want a piece of baby Lucy.
1461
01:08:52,129 --> 01:08:53,828
Well...
1462
01:08:53,830 --> 01:08:56,698
sorry, but this baby's
not for sale.
1463
01:08:58,902 --> 01:09:02,137
She doesn't want any
of your rock cocaine
1464
01:09:02,139 --> 01:09:04,506
or your fast cars
or your stripper dancers
1465
01:09:04,508 --> 01:09:07,442
or whatever it is
you're thinking about.
1466
01:09:07,444 --> 01:09:09,210
Not this baby, all right?
1467
01:09:09,212 --> 01:09:11,913
Sometimes you gotta
put family first.
1468
01:09:11,915 --> 01:09:15,650
I think it's high time
I put my family first.
1469
01:09:15,652 --> 01:09:18,453
(applause)
1470
01:09:18,455 --> 01:09:21,589
Boy, I'm kinda sad I didn't
get to do my show, though.
1471
01:09:21,591 --> 01:09:23,858
I was gonna come out and give
a speech similar to this one,
1472
01:09:23,860 --> 01:09:26,528
but then about halfway through,
I get taken out by a sniper.
1473
01:09:26,530 --> 01:09:29,364
- (crowd aws)
- Sorry, Miguel,
it's off, all right?
1474
01:09:29,366 --> 01:09:31,599
Calling it. Yep.
Thanks, bud.
1475
01:09:31,601 --> 01:09:35,170
Look, Luce, wave at Miguel.
It's Miguel from church.
1476
01:09:35,172 --> 01:09:36,704
All right.
1477
01:09:36,706 --> 01:09:38,640
Yeah, I'm wearing,
uh, about 19 squibs
1478
01:09:38,642 --> 01:09:41,209
and three and a half pounds
of lamb meat.
1479
01:09:41,211 --> 01:09:44,646
That was gonna explode out of
my chest and lower gut area.
1480
01:09:44,648 --> 01:09:46,731
Uh, all over the floor.
1481
01:09:46,732 --> 01:09:48,815
And, um, yeah,
that would've been one heck
of a scared baby, huh?
1482
01:09:48,818 --> 01:09:51,886
(chuckles)
We forfeit the competition.
1483
01:09:51,888 --> 01:09:55,223
- You can all go home.
- No, no, nobody go home.
1484
01:09:55,225 --> 01:09:57,559
We, uh, we still--
we still have not decided...
1485
01:09:57,561 --> 01:09:58,826
- Oh, oops.
- ...who the winner is yet.
1486
01:09:58,828 --> 01:10:00,695
- Whoops.
- So...
1487
01:10:00,696 --> 01:10:02,563
- Uh, just pop
a squat over here?
- No, no, I think--
1488
01:10:02,566 --> 01:10:04,866
I think it might be time
for you to leave.
1489
01:10:04,868 --> 01:10:06,734
- Okay, all right, okay.
- All right.
1490
01:10:06,736 --> 01:10:08,336
- Barry.
- Well, bye, America.
1491
01:10:08,338 --> 01:10:11,339
- (music playing)
- Hey, Lucy, say,
"Bye, America."
1492
01:10:11,341 --> 01:10:13,942
Bye. Bye, America.
1493
01:10:13,944 --> 01:10:15,743
Hey, hey, hey,
I'm-- I'm with that guy.
1494
01:10:15,745 --> 01:10:17,812
I-I don't think I can
do this performance.
1495
01:10:17,814 --> 01:10:19,480
Is there anyway
we can just skip it?
1496
01:10:19,482 --> 01:10:22,417
Yeah, okay, after what just
happened, no, absolutely not.
1497
01:10:22,419 --> 01:10:24,953
You know her
just by the way she walks.
1498
01:10:24,955 --> 01:10:27,956
Veronica Decker,
"The Wobbly Walk."
1499
01:10:27,958 --> 01:10:29,490
And you're on.
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
1500
01:10:29,492 --> 01:10:31,960
- (cheering and applause)
- (music playing)
1501
01:10:35,498 --> 01:10:38,900
Now, Veronica,
your "Wobbly Walk" video
1502
01:10:38,902 --> 01:10:41,970
has nearly a billion views
and counting.
1503
01:10:41,972 --> 01:10:44,939
People cannot get enough
of that dance.
1504
01:10:44,941 --> 01:10:47,809
In a way,
you started a "wobolution."
1505
01:10:47,811 --> 01:10:49,377
(laughter)
1506
01:10:49,379 --> 01:10:51,446
How does it make you feel?
1507
01:10:52,849 --> 01:10:54,849
Well, um...
1508
01:10:54,851 --> 01:10:58,419
at first, I thought I was gonna
have to fake my own death.
1509
01:10:58,421 --> 01:11:01,356
(laughter)
1510
01:11:01,358 --> 01:11:04,025
Let's just face it,
it's just a silly dance
1511
01:11:04,027 --> 01:11:07,295
set to music that people
like to watch
1512
01:11:07,297 --> 01:11:08,930
so we don't have to
talk about Syria.
1513
01:11:08,932 --> 01:11:11,666
(cheering and applause)
1514
01:11:11,668 --> 01:11:15,737
Well, Veronica,
you are a natural on camera.
1515
01:11:17,340 --> 01:11:19,307
Well, I-- I did train
as an act--
1516
01:11:19,309 --> 01:11:23,044
Well, since most people have
already seen Veronica's video,
1517
01:11:23,046 --> 01:11:26,614
let's show a reel
that shows how people feel
1518
01:11:26,616 --> 01:11:28,650
about "The Wobbly Walk."
1519
01:11:28,652 --> 01:11:31,052
(music playing)
1520
01:11:45,669 --> 01:11:47,769
It's not just a dance.
1521
01:11:47,771 --> 01:11:50,371
It's a feeling you get
1522
01:11:50,373 --> 01:11:52,974
when you see it,
and when you do it.
1523
01:11:52,976 --> 01:11:56,044
Girl, when I'm having
a bad day on my job,
1524
01:11:56,046 --> 01:11:58,713
I just turn on that video
with those people dancing
1525
01:11:58,715 --> 01:12:00,715
and doing "The Wobble"...
1526
01:12:03,586 --> 01:12:05,920
I start cracking up!
1527
01:12:05,922 --> 01:12:07,822
Girl, I forget
all of my troubles.
1528
01:12:07,824 --> 01:12:10,358
I love it.
1529
01:12:10,360 --> 01:12:12,994
Boy:
I love to dance...
1530
01:12:12,996 --> 01:12:15,730
but I'm not very good.
1531
01:12:15,732 --> 01:12:20,101
And people would make fun
of me for even trying.
1532
01:12:20,103 --> 01:12:23,671
- (crowd aws)
- But I was at my school dance,
1533
01:12:23,673 --> 01:12:26,741
and I started
to "Wobbly Walk."
1534
01:12:26,743 --> 01:12:29,077
And I got everybody
clapping,
1535
01:12:29,079 --> 01:12:31,779
because I could do
the dance the best.
1536
01:12:41,758 --> 01:12:44,525
Guys, this--
it's not just a video.
1537
01:12:44,527 --> 01:12:47,662
(shuddering)
1538
01:12:47,664 --> 01:12:49,664
- (cheering and applause)
- Wow!
1539
01:12:49,666 --> 01:12:53,935
Well, Veronica, what will you
be performing for us tonight?
1540
01:12:55,939 --> 01:13:00,141
I will be doing
a monologue
1541
01:13:00,143 --> 01:13:04,412
as Abigail
from "The Crucible."
1542
01:13:07,117 --> 01:13:09,884
I'm kidding.
Hit it!
1543
01:13:09,886 --> 01:13:11,719
- (cheering and applause)
- (music playing)
1544
01:13:11,721 --> 01:13:15,757
♪ The Wobbly Walk,
The Wobbly Walk ♪
1545
01:13:15,759 --> 01:13:19,427
♪ The Wobbly Walk,
The Wobbly Walk, The Wobbly ♪
1546
01:13:19,429 --> 01:13:21,796
♪ Wobbly, Wobbly Walk,
The Wobbly Walk ♪
1547
01:13:21,798 --> 01:13:25,900
♪ The Wobbly Walk,
The Wobbly, Wobbly,
Wobbly Walk ♪
1548
01:13:25,902 --> 01:13:27,735
♪ The Wobble, Wobble,
Wobble, Wobble ♪
1549
01:13:27,737 --> 01:13:32,540
♪ Do The Wobbly,
Wobbly Walk ♪
1550
01:13:32,542 --> 01:13:37,512
♪ Do The Wobbly, Wobbly Walk ♪
1551
01:13:37,514 --> 01:13:40,448
- ♪ You can do it ♪
- ♪ Wobble, Wobble, Wobble ♪
1552
01:13:40,450 --> 01:13:42,817
- ♪ If you try ♪
- ♪ Wobble, Wobble, Wobble ♪
1553
01:13:42,819 --> 01:13:46,788
♪ Now shake,
shake on the floor ♪
1554
01:13:46,790 --> 01:13:48,055
♪ Come on, baby ♪
1555
01:13:48,057 --> 01:13:50,658
♪ I'm doing it,
I'm doing it ♪
1556
01:13:50,660 --> 01:13:53,428
♪ I'm doing it,
I'm doing it... ♪
1557
01:13:53,430 --> 01:13:55,463
Dude!
1558
01:13:55,465 --> 01:13:59,167
I can't even
with you right now.
1559
01:13:59,169 --> 01:14:01,602
Tomas!
Tomas, I'm sorry.
1560
01:14:03,506 --> 01:14:05,940
- ♪ Wobbly, Wobbly Walk ♪
- ♪ Wobble, Wobble, Wobble ♪
1561
01:14:05,942 --> 01:14:10,044
♪ Do the Wobbly,
Wobbly Walk ♪
1562
01:14:10,046 --> 01:14:12,213
♪ Wobble, Wobble, Wobble ♪♪
1563
01:14:12,215 --> 01:14:14,882
(cheering and applause)
1564
01:14:16,753 --> 01:14:18,886
(Veronica panting)
1565
01:14:18,888 --> 01:14:21,589
Listen, I used to think that
the music was the best part.
1566
01:14:21,591 --> 01:14:23,858
But you know what?
It's you Veronica.
1567
01:14:23,860 --> 01:14:26,127
Karen Raye Quivers,
what do you say out there?
1568
01:14:26,129 --> 01:14:27,628
What did you think
of Veronica?
1569
01:14:27,630 --> 01:14:30,498
I'm gonna be frank with you,
Veronica.
1570
01:14:30,500 --> 01:14:32,099
I do not like you.
1571
01:14:32,101 --> 01:14:35,036
Chris, I do not
like this woman.
1572
01:14:35,038 --> 01:14:37,505
I don't like looking at you.
You know why?
1573
01:14:37,507 --> 01:14:39,624
'Cause you're scary.
1574
01:14:39,625 --> 01:14:41,742
You have that powder-white
skin you rocking.
1575
01:14:41,744 --> 01:14:43,144
You know what
you look like, honey?
1576
01:14:43,146 --> 01:14:45,580
You look like
a Civil War ghost.
1577
01:14:45,582 --> 01:14:47,582
Honestly,
I think you a witch.
1578
01:14:47,584 --> 01:14:50,084
And you lucky there
ain't a river in here,
'cause you know what I'd do?
1579
01:14:50,086 --> 01:14:53,588
I would drag your white ass
and throw it in there
to see if you float.
1580
01:14:53,590 --> 01:14:55,623
And guess what,
the bitch don't float.
1581
01:14:55,625 --> 01:14:56,891
She don't!
1582
01:14:56,893 --> 01:15:00,528
But then you know
what you did?
1583
01:15:00,530 --> 01:15:02,630
You turned it around.
1584
01:15:02,632 --> 01:15:04,866
I liked your song.
1585
01:15:04,868 --> 01:15:07,602
Congratulations.
You got my vote.
1586
01:15:07,604 --> 01:15:09,971
(cheering and applause)
1587
01:15:09,973 --> 01:15:12,874
Chinese... I'm just kidding.
I can get it off.
1588
01:15:12,876 --> 01:15:14,675
I was kidding.
Um, yeah, that was fine.
1589
01:15:14,677 --> 01:15:15,910
It was good.
1590
01:15:15,912 --> 01:15:18,212
(music playing)
1591
01:15:18,214 --> 01:15:20,615
Frank, promise me
you'll do stand-up.
1592
01:15:20,617 --> 01:15:23,017
I'm seated, Chris.
1593
01:15:23,019 --> 01:15:25,219
- I'm seated.
- Okay.
1594
01:15:25,221 --> 01:15:27,555
Larry, I think
we're gonna move on.
1595
01:15:27,557 --> 01:15:29,790
Chris, Chris, could you hold on
just for a second?
1596
01:15:29,792 --> 01:15:32,159
There's something under the
desk. I don't know what it is.
1597
01:15:32,161 --> 01:15:34,128
Oh, here it comes.
Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
1598
01:15:34,130 --> 01:15:36,964
Here it comes!
It's a knockout punch!
1599
01:15:36,966 --> 01:15:38,533
(fist thudding)
1600
01:15:38,535 --> 01:15:40,568
Make it stop, Chris!
Make it stop!
1601
01:15:40,570 --> 01:15:41,802
That's gotta hurt.
1602
01:15:44,807 --> 01:15:47,642
- Veronica Decker, everybody!
- (cheering and applause)
1603
01:15:54,651 --> 01:15:57,318
Our final contestant
is a personal favorite of mine.
1604
01:15:57,320 --> 01:15:59,954
Now, I know there are
a lot of cat videos out there
on the Internet,
1605
01:15:59,956 --> 01:16:02,890
but none that are quite as cute
as this furry little friend.
1606
01:16:02,892 --> 01:16:05,726
Please welcome
Mr. Blankets and his...
1607
01:16:05,728 --> 01:16:07,562
handler.
1608
01:16:07,564 --> 01:16:10,264
- (cheering and applause)
- Man: I love Mr. Blankets!
1609
01:16:10,266 --> 01:16:12,967
Hello, kitty.
1610
01:16:12,969 --> 01:16:15,002
Chris, I've got a bone
to pick with you.
1611
01:16:15,004 --> 01:16:17,805
You forgot to introduce me.
I'm the filmmaker.
1612
01:16:17,807 --> 01:16:21,075
- Dennis Wasserman.
- Man: Hey, that's not the cat!
1613
01:16:21,077 --> 01:16:24,312
- That's not Mr. Blankets.
- That is not Mr. Blankets.
1614
01:16:24,314 --> 01:16:26,847
Mr. Blankets
is a brown tabby.
1615
01:16:26,849 --> 01:16:28,716
Everyone knows that
Mr. Blankets is a brown tabby.
1616
01:16:28,718 --> 01:16:29,917
That's an orange tabby.
1617
01:16:29,919 --> 01:16:31,652
No, no, no, this is--
this is him.
1618
01:16:31,654 --> 01:16:33,738
This-- It's just--
1619
01:16:33,739 --> 01:16:35,823
It was a long trip and he--
he looks different in real life.
1620
01:16:35,825 --> 01:16:39,126
- O--
- Man: No way that
that could happen.
1621
01:16:39,128 --> 01:16:41,329
Okay, you know what,
can we please get a picture up,
1622
01:16:41,331 --> 01:16:44,265
please, of Mr. Blankets?
1623
01:16:44,267 --> 01:16:46,367
- (music playing)
- (crowd jeering)
1624
01:16:46,369 --> 01:16:49,203
Okay, that is not
Mr. Blankets!
1625
01:16:50,673 --> 01:16:52,173
Oh.
1626
01:16:52,175 --> 01:16:54,875
No, no, no,
this is his friend.
1627
01:16:54,877 --> 01:16:58,913
I didn't bring him.
This is-- this is Mr. Duvet.
1628
01:16:58,915 --> 01:17:01,749
Man:
We hate Mr. Duvet.
1629
01:17:01,751 --> 01:17:05,653
We want Mr. Blankets!
Boo!
1630
01:17:05,655 --> 01:17:08,222
Security. Security.
Somebody-- somebody
call security!
1631
01:17:10,193 --> 01:17:12,193
I am Mr. Blankets!
1632
01:17:12,195 --> 01:17:15,663
I made him!
He's a (bleep) cat!
1633
01:17:15,665 --> 01:17:19,767
I'm the nominee!
I made the videos!
1634
01:17:19,769 --> 01:17:22,069
He's a (bleep) cat!
1635
01:17:22,071 --> 01:17:25,072
Boo this! Boo this!
1636
01:17:25,074 --> 01:17:28,309
(Bleep) you!
(Bleep) you!
1637
01:17:28,311 --> 01:17:31,278
(Bleep) you!
1638
01:17:31,280 --> 01:17:34,281
Wow, you are such
a sad and angry man.
1639
01:17:34,283 --> 01:17:37,051
- Man: Boo the angry man!
- (crowd booing)
1640
01:17:37,053 --> 01:17:39,920
Chris:
Okay, get him. There he is.
1641
01:17:39,922 --> 01:17:42,690
Go ahead. Go.
1642
01:17:42,692 --> 01:17:45,192
Wow.
Well, we, uh...
1643
01:17:45,194 --> 01:17:48,362
we clearly have to disqualify
Mr. Blankets.
1644
01:17:48,364 --> 01:17:51,098
- That is such a shame.
- (yelling)
1645
01:17:52,835 --> 01:17:55,036
(electricity buzzing)
1646
01:17:55,038 --> 01:17:57,772
(cheering and applause)
1647
01:17:57,774 --> 01:18:00,841
I am Mr. Blankets!
1648
01:18:00,843 --> 01:18:03,411
I made him!
1649
01:18:05,381 --> 01:18:09,116
Well, we've tabulated
your votes, and we've come up
with a clear winner.
1650
01:18:09,118 --> 01:18:12,987
Will the remaining contestants
please take the stage?
1651
01:18:12,989 --> 01:18:15,456
(cheering and applause)
1652
01:18:20,797 --> 01:18:23,798
This is the moment
we've all been waiting for.
1653
01:18:23,800 --> 01:18:27,134
Who will get
their very own TV show?
1654
01:18:27,136 --> 01:18:30,104
Will it be
the lovely Amber Day,
1655
01:18:30,106 --> 01:18:33,808
a.k.a. Miss Cloudbottom,
the Dogcatcher.
1656
01:18:33,810 --> 01:18:38,179
Or will it be Tomas
"The Parody Boss"...
1657
01:18:38,181 --> 01:18:40,848
- (crowd booing)
- ...and friend?
1658
01:18:40,850 --> 01:18:44,785
Or will it be Veronica
"The Wobbly Walk" Decker?
1659
01:18:44,787 --> 01:18:45,986
(cheering and applause)
1660
01:18:45,988 --> 01:18:48,322
And the winner is...
1661
01:18:50,827 --> 01:18:53,794
- Tomas.
- Yes! Justice!
1662
01:18:53,796 --> 01:18:56,497
Oh, I knew it!
1663
01:18:56,499 --> 01:18:58,833
You are not the winner.
1664
01:18:58,835 --> 01:19:00,234
What?
1665
01:19:00,236 --> 01:19:03,204
Oh... Veronica.
1666
01:19:06,075 --> 01:19:08,042
I hate to do this to you.
1667
01:19:08,044 --> 01:19:10,778
But how would you like
your own TV show?
1668
01:19:10,780 --> 01:19:12,947
- Congratulations!
- (cheering and applause)
1669
01:19:13,916 --> 01:19:15,750
Oh!
1670
01:19:15,752 --> 01:19:18,219
Congratulations.
1671
01:19:26,129 --> 01:19:29,296
Thank you! Whoo!
1672
01:19:29,298 --> 01:19:31,966
- Yeah!
- (crowd chanting "Wobbly Walk")
1673
01:19:42,145 --> 01:19:46,313
- Hit it!
- ♪ Wobbly, Wobbly Walk ♪
1674
01:19:46,315 --> 01:19:51,418
♪ Do The Wobbly,
Wobbly Walk ♪
1675
01:19:51,420 --> 01:19:54,021
- ♪ You can do it ♪
- ♪ Wobble, Wobble, Wobble ♪
1676
01:19:54,023 --> 01:19:57,057
- ♪ If you try ♪
- ♪ Wobble, Wobble, Wobble ♪
1677
01:19:57,059 --> 01:20:00,528
♪ Now shake,
shake on the floor ♪
1678
01:20:00,530 --> 01:20:02,129
♪ Come on, baby ♪
1679
01:20:02,131 --> 01:20:04,799
(music playing)
1680
01:20:06,169 --> 01:20:09,270
Veronica:
What I wanted to do
originally was
1681
01:20:09,272 --> 01:20:11,539
Broadway.
1682
01:20:11,541 --> 01:20:14,542
Uh, Woody Allen movie.
1683
01:20:14,544 --> 01:20:17,878
Win an Oscar.
1684
01:20:17,880 --> 01:20:21,982
But this is... similar.
1685
01:20:21,984 --> 01:20:24,518
Announcer:
...with your host
Veronica Decker.
1686
01:20:24,520 --> 01:20:27,454
Hello, and welcome to
"Wobble with the Web Stars."
1687
01:20:27,456 --> 01:20:30,524
Where we took a show
like "Dancing with the Stars"
and did it cheaper.
1688
01:20:30,526 --> 01:20:32,993
(music playing)
1689
01:20:32,995 --> 01:20:34,562
Carlos: Gentlemen,
without further ado,
1690
01:20:34,564 --> 01:20:38,432
I present to you a sneak peek
of Amber Day's new character,
1691
01:20:38,434 --> 01:20:42,436
- Katie the Veterinarian.
- Whoo!
1692
01:20:42,438 --> 01:20:46,173
Hey, everyone, it's me,
Katie the Veterinarian.
1693
01:20:48,177 --> 01:20:50,244
Dennis:
Thanks for visiting, Mom.
1694
01:20:50,246 --> 01:20:52,313
I think this is
gonna cheer you up.
1695
01:20:55,051 --> 01:20:57,418
- (meows)
- Look who came to see you.
1696
01:20:57,420 --> 01:21:02,189
You get that goddamn cat
out of here right now!
1697
01:21:02,191 --> 01:21:03,624
- Dennis...
- You ruined my life!
1698
01:21:03,626 --> 01:21:07,027
- Now! Now!
- Mr. Blankets.
1699
01:21:09,165 --> 01:21:11,065
Dale:
I went through
a very messy divorce.
1700
01:21:11,067 --> 01:21:13,534
Though, I would call it
a category four divorce.
1701
01:21:13,536 --> 01:21:15,937
Lucy's out of the biz.
1702
01:21:15,938 --> 01:21:18,339
Uh, I wanted her to-to have
a stable environment at home
1703
01:21:18,341 --> 01:21:22,343
with a dad who occasionally
scares the living hell
out of her.
1704
01:21:22,345 --> 01:21:24,211
Uh, but I stopped doing that.
1705
01:21:24,213 --> 01:21:27,248
Of course, uh,
I still think about it.
1706
01:21:27,250 --> 01:21:29,550
Uh, Lucy's doing great.
1707
01:21:29,552 --> 01:21:33,420
Hasn't spoken a single word...
for two years.
1708
01:21:33,422 --> 01:21:36,390
That doctors say
that because I spent
1709
01:21:36,392 --> 01:21:38,325
the vast majority
of her life,
1710
01:21:38,327 --> 01:21:40,394
uh, dressed up
like a swamp demon,
1711
01:21:40,396 --> 01:21:42,596
that that probably has
something to do with why
1712
01:21:42,598 --> 01:21:44,665
she's not developed
speech patterns yet.
1713
01:21:44,667 --> 01:21:48,269
And why she also, um,
screams in her dreams.
1714
01:21:51,240 --> 01:21:53,274
Tomas:
Nobody watches TV anymore.
1715
01:21:53,276 --> 01:21:56,176
I'm literally the most famous
person in the whole world.
1716
01:21:56,178 --> 01:21:59,046
So I have been working on
a super-secret project
1717
01:21:59,048 --> 01:22:01,615
that is gonna blow you away.
1718
01:22:01,616 --> 01:22:04,183
Man: Tomas Butterman
presents "Harvest Moon,"
a vampire web series.
1719
01:22:04,186 --> 01:22:07,421
I can't let you do this.
It's too dangerous, Tristin.
1720
01:22:07,423 --> 01:22:09,657
I can't help it, Roman.
1721
01:22:09,659 --> 01:22:13,193
- The prophecy's too strong.
- You're too strong.
1722
01:22:13,195 --> 01:22:14,561
I can feel it.
1723
01:22:14,563 --> 01:22:16,630
(shudders)
1724
01:22:16,632 --> 01:22:18,332
All my YouTube friends
wanna be in it.
1725
01:22:18,334 --> 01:22:21,969
And I was like,
"Uh, sorry, real actors only."
(scoffs)
1726
01:22:23,472 --> 01:22:25,539
(music playing)
1727
01:22:33,683 --> 01:22:36,183
♪ Chocolate GoMax ♪
1728
01:22:36,185 --> 01:22:39,053
♪ Probiotic yogurt
for women on the go ♪
1729
01:22:39,055 --> 01:22:41,221
♪ Chocolate GoMax ♪
1730
01:22:41,223 --> 01:22:45,292
♪ Get some now
and maintain your flow ♪♪
1731
01:22:45,294 --> 01:22:47,962
(music playing)
1732
01:24:45,181 --> 01:24:47,114
♪ The Wobbly Walk,
The Wobbly Walk ♪
1733
01:24:47,116 --> 01:24:48,549
♪ The Wobbly Walk ♪
1734
01:24:48,551 --> 01:24:50,684
♪ The Wobbly Walk,
The Wobbly Walk ♪
1735
01:24:50,686 --> 01:24:53,153
♪ The Wobbly, Wobbly,
Wobbly Walk ♪
1736
01:24:53,155 --> 01:24:55,456
♪ The Wobbly Walk,
The Wobbly Walk ♪
1737
01:24:55,458 --> 01:24:57,825
♪ The Wobbly, Wobbly,
Wobbly Walk ♪
1738
01:24:57,827 --> 01:24:59,793
♪ The Wobble, Wobble, Wobble,
Wobble, Wobble, Wobble ♪
1739
01:24:59,795 --> 01:25:04,665
♪ Do The Wobbly Wobbly Walk ♪
1740
01:25:04,667 --> 01:25:09,603
♪ Do The Wobbly
Wobbly Walk ♪
1741
01:25:09,605 --> 01:25:12,239
- ♪ You can do it ♪
- ♪ Wobble, Wobble, Wobble ♪
1742
01:25:12,241 --> 01:25:15,109
- ♪ If you try ♪
- ♪ Wobble, Wobble, Wobble ♪
1743
01:25:15,111 --> 01:25:18,745
♪ You gotta shake,
shake on the floor ♪
1744
01:25:18,747 --> 01:25:20,414
♪ Come on, baby ♪
1745
01:25:20,416 --> 01:25:22,850
♪ I'm doing it,
I'm doing it ♪
1746
01:25:22,852 --> 01:25:25,319
♪ I'm doing it, I'm doing it ♪
1747
01:25:25,321 --> 01:25:28,555
♪ Don't be sad 'cause
your boyfriend broke up ♪
1748
01:25:28,557 --> 01:25:33,560
♪ Do The Wobbly,
Wobbly Walk ♪
1749
01:25:33,562 --> 01:25:38,398
♪ Do The Wobbly, Wobbly Walk ♪
1750
01:25:38,400 --> 01:25:41,168
♪ The Wobbly Walk,
The Wobbly Walk ♪
1751
01:25:41,170 --> 01:25:43,504
♪ The Wobbly, Wobbly,
Wobbly Walk ♪
1752
01:25:43,506 --> 01:25:45,739
♪ The Wobbly Walk,
The Wobbly Walk ♪
1753
01:25:45,741 --> 01:25:47,841
♪ The Wobbly, Wobbly,
Wobbly Walk ♪
1754
01:25:47,843 --> 01:25:51,812
♪ Do The Wobbly,
Wobbly Walk ♪
1755
01:25:51,814 --> 01:25:56,583
- ♪ Wobble, Wobble, Wobble ♪
- ♪ Do The Wobbly, Wobbly Walk ♪
1756
01:25:56,585 --> 01:26:01,488
- ♪ Wobble, Wobble, Wobble ♪
- ♪ Do The Wobbly,
Wobbly Walk ♪
1757
01:26:01,490 --> 01:26:06,193
- ♪ Wobble, Wobble, Wobble ♪
- ♪ Do The Wobbly, Wobbly Walk ♪
1758
01:26:06,195 --> 01:26:08,262
♪ Wobble, Wobble, Wobble ♪♪
1759
01:26:10,299 --> 01:26:12,366
(music playing)