0 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:15,000 Support dengan like & share :) 1 00:00:00,290 --> 00:00:02,292 [upbeat music playing] 2 00:01:31,047 --> 00:01:32,507 [exhaling] 3 00:01:37,971 --> 00:01:39,806 [indistinct conversations] 4 00:01:42,767 --> 00:01:44,143 [crowd cheering] 5 00:01:49,899 --> 00:01:51,443 [inaudible] 6 00:01:55,447 --> 00:01:57,240 [audience cheering uproariously] 7 00:02:03,622 --> 00:02:04,623 What up? 8 00:02:16,134 --> 00:02:18,595 Stop! Stop! 9 00:02:18,678 --> 00:02:20,472 [audience applauding] 10 00:02:24,851 --> 00:02:27,437 I'm so glad y'all came out tonight! 11 00:02:27,521 --> 00:02:29,356 Y'all here with your loved ones. 12 00:02:29,439 --> 00:02:32,734 Give it up for everybody here with a date! 13 00:02:32,817 --> 00:02:34,736 Y'all lookin' good! 14 00:02:35,695 --> 00:02:39,157 First date. Yeah, y'all gotta be careful when you're first datin', 15 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:40,492 'cause people will do anything to get you, 16 00:02:40,575 --> 00:02:42,661 and then when you marry 'em, they change on you. 17 00:02:42,744 --> 00:02:45,121 And it's men and women, too. 18 00:02:45,204 --> 00:02:47,123 'Cause you... Fellas, you, before you know-- 19 00:02:47,206 --> 00:02:48,708 'Cause you see people, you out there with your dates, 20 00:02:48,792 --> 00:02:51,002 some of y'all datin' now. 21 00:02:51,085 --> 00:02:52,336 See, you ain't out with the real person, 22 00:02:52,421 --> 00:02:54,839 that's their representative you out with right now. 23 00:02:55,674 --> 00:02:58,802 You don't know who the hell you out there sittin' with... 24 00:02:58,885 --> 00:03:01,179 until you marry 'em. [chuckles] 25 00:03:02,639 --> 00:03:05,308 'Cause, fellas, you ask a woman to do anything for you before you marry 'em, 26 00:03:05,391 --> 00:03:06,601 if they want you, they gonna do it. 27 00:03:06,685 --> 00:03:09,145 Men, too, they do the same thing. Men and women do it. 28 00:03:09,228 --> 00:03:11,648 Fellas, you can ask a woman, say, "Baby, you go get me somethin' to eat? 29 00:03:11,731 --> 00:03:14,317 And somethin' to drink, please? Something..." 30 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:16,611 She'll be like, "Okay. Is that all you want?" 31 00:03:16,695 --> 00:03:21,199 "Yeah, baby, that's it. That's it. Thank you, baby." 32 00:03:21,282 --> 00:03:22,659 "No, thank you." 33 00:03:22,742 --> 00:03:24,368 [audience laughing] 34 00:03:34,546 --> 00:03:36,506 "So, you want a lot, baby, or a little bit? 35 00:03:43,387 --> 00:03:45,306 Here you go, baby." 36 00:03:45,389 --> 00:03:47,559 You do that. You marry her and ask her, 37 00:03:47,642 --> 00:03:49,143 "Baby, you get me somethin' to drink? 38 00:03:49,227 --> 00:03:50,437 And somethin' to eat, please?" 39 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:51,896 [in gruff voice] "Go get your own goddamn drink. 40 00:03:51,980 --> 00:03:53,231 Who the hell you think you're talkin' to?" 41 00:03:53,314 --> 00:03:54,649 [audience laughing and applauding] 42 00:03:54,733 --> 00:03:56,234 [mouthing] What the fuck? 43 00:04:02,115 --> 00:04:03,199 "Baby, you hear that?" 44 00:04:03,282 --> 00:04:04,283 [in gruff voice] "Yeah, I heard! 45 00:04:04,367 --> 00:04:06,578 It was me, God damn it. Who the hell you think it was?" 46 00:04:12,208 --> 00:04:13,334 "Baby, what happened to my baby?" 47 00:04:13,417 --> 00:04:15,629 [in gruff voice] "Your baby right here, God damn it!" 48 00:04:15,712 --> 00:04:17,296 [growling] 49 00:04:18,131 --> 00:04:19,340 [screams] 50 00:04:21,009 --> 00:04:22,469 "I want a divorce!" 51 00:04:22,552 --> 00:04:27,223 [in gruff voice] "You can't divorce me. You didn't make me sign a pre-nup!" 52 00:04:27,306 --> 00:04:28,517 [screams] 53 00:04:33,437 --> 00:04:36,483 But marriage is good, though, marriage is good. 54 00:04:36,566 --> 00:04:38,693 You just gotta be careful, man. 'Cause I'm tired of datin'. 55 00:04:38,777 --> 00:04:39,819 Datin' ain't cool, man. Datin' ain't... 56 00:04:39,903 --> 00:04:42,321 Especially, you know, sometimes you date and you think... 57 00:04:42,405 --> 00:04:44,073 You date a little younger than you, you think that's cool. 58 00:04:44,157 --> 00:04:45,158 That ain't cool, man. 59 00:04:45,241 --> 00:04:46,743 This new generation, there's somethin' wrong with 'em. 60 00:04:46,826 --> 00:04:48,537 I don't know what's wrong with 'em. 61 00:04:51,122 --> 00:04:53,833 I'm serious. I was datin' this girl, and it was goin' good, you know. 62 00:04:53,917 --> 00:04:55,544 I thought it was cool. I said, "This is gonna be good." 63 00:04:55,627 --> 00:04:57,003 You know, we got close, it was wild, 64 00:04:57,086 --> 00:04:58,171 and we started makin' love, and I was like, 65 00:04:58,254 --> 00:05:01,966 "This is good. She might be the one. She might be the one!" 66 00:05:02,050 --> 00:05:03,843 And I opened up my eyes and she was tweetin'. 67 00:05:03,927 --> 00:05:05,720 I said, "What the hell you doin' tweetin' with the-- 68 00:05:05,804 --> 00:05:07,722 What is wrong with you?" 69 00:05:07,806 --> 00:05:09,098 [audience cheering] 70 00:05:10,099 --> 00:05:13,520 "Put that damn phone down! 71 00:05:13,603 --> 00:05:16,565 You are rude as hell!" 72 00:05:16,648 --> 00:05:18,107 She's like, "People need to know what you doin'." 73 00:05:18,191 --> 00:05:21,861 I said, "Uh-uh! No! Not this! No!" 74 00:05:21,945 --> 00:05:24,864 I took the phone and said, "What the hell are you tweetin'?" 75 00:05:24,948 --> 00:05:26,199 Talkin' 'bout "Chris handlin' his business." 76 00:05:26,282 --> 00:05:28,827 I said, "You can tweet this, but that's it. That's it! That's all." 77 00:05:28,910 --> 00:05:30,411 What the hell's wrong with you? 78 00:05:33,582 --> 00:05:36,292 Somethin' wrong with this new generation. 79 00:05:36,375 --> 00:05:39,545 Better enjoy it. This might be it. This might be the last time. 80 00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:42,256 [audience laughing] 81 00:05:49,472 --> 00:05:51,808 Tired of datin', man. I dated out of the country. 82 00:05:51,891 --> 00:05:53,559 You think people don't know you that well, but they know. 83 00:05:53,643 --> 00:05:55,645 They know me over there, too. 84 00:05:55,729 --> 00:05:58,481 Dated a girl, man, who didn't even speak English. 85 00:05:58,564 --> 00:05:59,565 I thought it was cool. My friend's like, 86 00:05:59,649 --> 00:06:01,901 "Do you realize she don't even speak English?" 87 00:06:01,985 --> 00:06:03,653 I said, "Do you realize I don't give a damn? 88 00:06:03,737 --> 00:06:06,155 Do you see how fine she is?" 89 00:06:06,239 --> 00:06:09,659 All she knew how to say was, "Money! Money, Chris! Money!" 90 00:06:09,743 --> 00:06:11,828 I should have known there was a problem. 91 00:06:11,911 --> 00:06:13,705 She said, "What 'bout my family, Chris?" 92 00:06:13,788 --> 00:06:16,875 What 'bout..." I said, "What about your family? Shit." 93 00:06:16,958 --> 00:06:19,252 "They need money, Chris. 94 00:06:21,337 --> 00:06:23,006 You have it. They need it!" 95 00:06:23,089 --> 00:06:24,590 I said, "Shit... 96 00:06:25,549 --> 00:06:27,426 I already got a family that want my money. 97 00:06:27,510 --> 00:06:31,014 No, you better go back to your village. It's over. This is over." 98 00:06:31,097 --> 00:06:33,683 "Chris, this is not right, Chris..." 99 00:06:33,767 --> 00:06:36,560 "You'd better go learn English, 'cause you don't hear what I'm sayin'." 100 00:06:37,478 --> 00:06:39,563 I dated outside my race, I dated all... 101 00:06:39,648 --> 00:06:42,066 I dated a white girl. It was cool at first. 102 00:06:42,150 --> 00:06:45,945 She had me doin' stuff I never did before, like showin' up on time, and... 103 00:06:46,029 --> 00:06:48,156 [audience laughing] 104 00:06:52,786 --> 00:06:56,039 Got me hooked on Starbucks. It was pretty cool. 105 00:06:56,122 --> 00:06:58,041 Everything was cool till she took me rollerbladin'. 106 00:06:58,124 --> 00:06:59,125 Then we broke up. 107 00:06:59,208 --> 00:07:02,253 I almost broke my damn ankles messin' around with her ass. 108 00:07:02,336 --> 00:07:04,213 She was leavin' me and shit. She was good. 109 00:07:04,297 --> 00:07:06,257 She said, "Chris, come on. It's okay. Follow me!" 110 00:07:06,340 --> 00:07:08,677 Spinnin' around and shit. "Just relax! 111 00:07:09,969 --> 00:07:12,055 Go side to side like I showed you! 112 00:07:12,138 --> 00:07:14,307 You're spillin' your Starbucks, Chris. 113 00:07:15,266 --> 00:07:18,144 You can't play basketball every day, Chris." 114 00:07:19,729 --> 00:07:22,148 I said, "This shit sound racist. 115 00:07:23,692 --> 00:07:26,736 Slow your ass down, Samantha! 116 00:07:26,820 --> 00:07:29,530 Told you it was my first time. 117 00:07:29,613 --> 00:07:32,701 Get these goddamn rollerblades off me. It's over. It's over!" 118 00:07:33,743 --> 00:07:36,663 I dated a ghetto girl. I was scared as hell every time... 119 00:07:38,206 --> 00:07:41,375 She said, "Close your eyes." I'd be like, "For what? What for? 120 00:07:41,459 --> 00:07:42,460 What you want?" 121 00:07:43,127 --> 00:07:47,173 "Ain't nobody tryin' to rob your punk ass, Chris. 122 00:07:47,256 --> 00:07:50,259 Now put your arms up!" I was like, "People know where I'm at." 123 00:07:54,055 --> 00:07:56,349 She said, "No, I don't wanna date no damn punks." 124 00:08:00,854 --> 00:08:03,314 Crazy, man! 125 00:08:03,397 --> 00:08:04,648 Datin' is crazy, man. 126 00:08:04,733 --> 00:08:06,901 You gotta be careful, man. You gotta be careful. 127 00:08:06,985 --> 00:08:09,237 But you got somebody good, man, just keep 'em, man. Don't go-- 128 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:11,155 Ain't nothin' out there, keep 'em. 129 00:08:11,990 --> 00:08:13,908 Nothin' out there. You got somebody that's half good, 130 00:08:13,992 --> 00:08:15,076 try to fix 'em! 131 00:08:17,328 --> 00:08:20,248 If they got small problems, not big ones. 132 00:08:20,331 --> 00:08:22,291 Those small ones, you can try to work with 'em. 133 00:08:22,375 --> 00:08:23,542 [audience applauds] 134 00:08:23,626 --> 00:08:25,378 And treat 'em right. Fellas, surprise your wife! 135 00:08:25,461 --> 00:08:26,462 Surprise your wife. 136 00:08:26,545 --> 00:08:28,089 Don't be doin' the same thing all the time. 137 00:08:28,172 --> 00:08:31,342 Buy her roses and sunflowers and even sunflower seeds. 138 00:08:31,425 --> 00:08:34,053 Whatever you can afford, I don't care. 139 00:08:34,137 --> 00:08:36,472 "Now, listen, baby, they gonna grow. They'll grow one day. 140 00:08:36,555 --> 00:08:39,433 You can eat 'em, too, baby." 141 00:08:39,517 --> 00:08:42,686 She'll go, "Lordy, that's so cute. He's so cute." 142 00:08:42,771 --> 00:08:44,731 When I get married, I want my wife to have a sense of humor, 143 00:08:44,814 --> 00:08:47,358 'cause I'm-a surprise her. She ain't gonna know what the hell I'm-a do. 144 00:08:47,441 --> 00:08:49,693 She gonna be scared. She ain't gonna know when I'm-a come home. 145 00:08:49,778 --> 00:08:52,655 She gonna always be cookin' and be like, "Chris, that you? 146 00:08:53,782 --> 00:08:56,617 I'm cookin' now. Don't let me mess up this food! 147 00:08:57,701 --> 00:08:59,829 He's so crazy." 148 00:08:59,913 --> 00:09:00,914 I'm gonna come home, she won't know what-- 149 00:09:00,997 --> 00:09:02,832 I'm-a come home with a gun and a mask, through the window. 150 00:09:02,916 --> 00:09:03,958 "Get on the ground! Get on the ground! 151 00:09:04,042 --> 00:09:05,209 Whatcha doin'? Whatcha cookin'?" 152 00:09:05,293 --> 00:09:06,460 [screams] 153 00:09:07,086 --> 00:09:08,504 "Who are you?" 154 00:09:08,587 --> 00:09:11,049 "Baby, it's me. It's me, baby. It's me." 155 00:09:11,132 --> 00:09:12,591 [audience laughing] 156 00:09:14,135 --> 00:09:16,470 "You're so crazy! 157 00:09:16,554 --> 00:09:19,766 I didn't know who you were, fool. [kisses] 158 00:09:19,849 --> 00:09:21,309 You're so stupid! 159 00:09:23,227 --> 00:09:26,605 Why you had to break the window, Chris? 160 00:09:26,689 --> 00:09:28,107 That's the third window. 161 00:09:28,191 --> 00:09:29,818 So stupid. 162 00:09:29,901 --> 00:09:32,570 You better not have messed up my roses outside. 163 00:09:32,653 --> 00:09:34,781 I love your crazy ass. You make me sick. 164 00:09:34,864 --> 00:09:35,990 [kisses] So stupid. 165 00:09:37,158 --> 00:09:39,077 You're always surprisin' me. 166 00:09:40,369 --> 00:09:41,662 Chris!" 167 00:09:41,745 --> 00:09:43,081 I'll be like, "I know you didn't know who I was. 168 00:09:43,164 --> 00:09:44,290 Yeah, you didn't know who I was. 169 00:09:44,373 --> 00:09:47,836 You scared? Why you scared? You was scared. I know you're scared. 170 00:09:47,919 --> 00:09:50,880 You were reaching for the phone, weren't you? Callin' the cops?" 171 00:09:50,964 --> 00:09:54,758 Don't stop right there, fellas! Go up to her job. 172 00:09:54,843 --> 00:09:58,847 Go up to her job. Sneak up to her job. Gun and a mask. Go in and... 173 00:09:58,930 --> 00:10:00,389 "Get on the desk! Get on the desk! Get on the desk! 174 00:10:00,473 --> 00:10:03,142 You ain't workin'. You ain't workin'. You ain't workin'." 175 00:10:03,226 --> 00:10:05,394 "What are you doing, Chris? 176 00:10:06,645 --> 00:10:08,064 This is my job! 177 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:10,859 You goin' to make me lose my job! 178 00:10:11,901 --> 00:10:13,652 You're so crazy. 179 00:10:13,736 --> 00:10:16,865 [moans] You're so stupid. I love you. 180 00:10:16,948 --> 00:10:18,782 Your crazy ass. 181 00:10:18,867 --> 00:10:20,743 You're so stupid! 182 00:10:21,660 --> 00:10:23,412 [kisses] Get outta here. I'll see you when I get home. 183 00:10:23,496 --> 00:10:24,956 [whispers] Get out of here! Get out of here!" 184 00:10:25,039 --> 00:10:26,124 "I love you, baby. 185 00:10:26,207 --> 00:10:27,208 I love you. See you when you get home." 186 00:10:29,335 --> 00:10:30,962 [audience laughing] 187 00:10:36,885 --> 00:10:39,178 Be careful, guys. Don't play too much. 188 00:10:39,262 --> 00:10:42,056 One time she gonna come home and fool you. 189 00:10:42,140 --> 00:10:43,141 She'll come home like, 190 00:10:43,224 --> 00:10:46,227 "You don't have no business playin' like that in the park." 191 00:10:46,310 --> 00:10:47,436 [stammers] 192 00:10:48,354 --> 00:10:50,189 [audience laughing] 193 00:10:54,986 --> 00:10:58,239 "What the hell you talkin' about? I was at work today." 194 00:10:58,322 --> 00:11:01,492 -"You weren't in the park?" -"Hell, no! You know I had to work! 195 00:11:02,826 --> 00:11:06,164 And why didn't you call the cops? God damn, baby!" 196 00:11:07,916 --> 00:11:09,583 "It's your fault! You play too much. 197 00:11:09,667 --> 00:11:12,921 I don't know when the hell you're gonna jump out of everywhere, and..." 198 00:11:17,258 --> 00:11:19,969 "It's your fault. You knew I had to work today." 199 00:11:21,012 --> 00:11:22,013 Be careful, though, fellas. 200 00:11:22,096 --> 00:11:23,597 If you wanna get married, ask the right people. 201 00:11:23,681 --> 00:11:24,723 Don't ask the wrong people, 202 00:11:24,807 --> 00:11:27,810 because they give you the wrong advice 'cause their marriage is messed up. 203 00:11:27,893 --> 00:11:29,979 Ask the right people, 'cause I asked my Uncle John. 204 00:11:30,063 --> 00:11:32,065 I said, "Uncle John, I'm thinkin' about gettin' married. 205 00:11:32,148 --> 00:11:33,524 What do you think?" He was like, 206 00:11:33,607 --> 00:11:37,570 "Don't do no stupid shit like that. Don't do no stupid shit like that. 207 00:11:37,653 --> 00:11:39,280 You're free. Get out there, boy. You're a black stallion. 208 00:11:39,363 --> 00:11:40,698 Get out there and buck! Get out there and buck, boy!" 209 00:11:42,283 --> 00:11:43,784 [audience laughing] 210 00:11:50,791 --> 00:11:52,710 "Get out there and have some fun! 211 00:11:54,128 --> 00:11:55,796 You're free." 212 00:11:56,839 --> 00:11:58,341 I said, "Uncle John, 213 00:11:58,424 --> 00:12:00,468 you'll put your back out actin' like that. Stop it." 214 00:12:01,719 --> 00:12:03,221 I ain't ask him nothin' else. I asked my granddaddy 215 00:12:03,304 --> 00:12:04,930 'cause I thought my granddaddy'd give me better advice. 216 00:12:05,014 --> 00:12:07,516 I said, "Granddaddy, I'm thinkin' about gettin' married. 217 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:10,353 What do you think?" I thought he'd give me good advice. 218 00:12:10,436 --> 00:12:13,147 He told me... He said he glad he recorded his weddin', 219 00:12:13,231 --> 00:12:16,025 so he can rewind it and walk away a free man. 220 00:12:20,113 --> 00:12:22,490 [audience laughing and applauding] 221 00:12:27,661 --> 00:12:29,747 Any married couples like their marriages? 222 00:12:29,830 --> 00:12:32,875 -That's good. That's beautiful. -[audience applauding] 223 00:12:34,585 --> 00:12:37,963 I haven't been married. I'm scared to get married. I'm scared. 224 00:12:38,047 --> 00:12:39,173 I just made some money. 225 00:12:39,257 --> 00:12:41,884 I ain't tryin' to lose the shit right away. 226 00:12:43,344 --> 00:12:46,180 Marriage sometimes ain't a good business deal. 227 00:12:47,973 --> 00:12:49,892 I'm looking, you know. I'm looking, though, but, you know, 228 00:12:49,975 --> 00:12:52,728 I need a woman gonna help me, though. I don't care nothin' about fine. 229 00:12:52,811 --> 00:12:54,355 You gotta be more than fine. You gotta be able to-- 230 00:12:54,438 --> 00:12:56,024 -[audience cheering and applauding] -That's right. 231 00:12:56,107 --> 00:12:57,941 You gotta be able to do some other stuff. 232 00:12:58,026 --> 00:13:00,819 You got to be able to fill out a 1099 and shit. 233 00:13:02,488 --> 00:13:03,989 That's right. 234 00:13:05,199 --> 00:13:08,077 You need to be able to help me out with my taxes and shit. 235 00:13:08,161 --> 00:13:11,664 You better have an accounting degree to be with me. 236 00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:13,624 Take care of your business, man. 237 00:13:13,707 --> 00:13:15,168 Don't listen to people. Do your own business. 238 00:13:15,251 --> 00:13:16,877 Be careful who you listen to, 239 00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:20,464 'cause that's the last time I let Wesley Snipes help me out with my taxes! 240 00:13:20,548 --> 00:13:22,007 [audience laughing] 241 00:13:22,091 --> 00:13:23,717 [scoffing] 242 00:13:28,431 --> 00:13:30,974 Almost got both our asses locked up, man. 243 00:13:33,519 --> 00:13:36,230 I'm gonna kick Wesley's ass! 244 00:13:36,314 --> 00:13:40,734 I wanted to Passenger 57 his ass! Nino Brown his ass. 245 00:13:42,945 --> 00:13:44,988 I'm serious, man. He told me and Ron Isley the same thing. 246 00:13:45,073 --> 00:13:47,241 Ron Isley was pissed off. 247 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,370 I talked to him last night. Ron's still mad about it. He said, 248 00:13:51,454 --> 00:13:54,790 ♪ I'm-a kick Wesley's ass ♪ 249 00:13:57,126 --> 00:13:58,127 [vocalizing] 250 00:14:01,672 --> 00:14:04,342 I said, "Ron, let it go, let it go! 251 00:14:04,425 --> 00:14:07,803 Put the cane down! Put the cane down, Ron. 252 00:14:07,886 --> 00:14:09,888 You don't wanna do this." 253 00:14:10,931 --> 00:14:12,683 Wesley gonna tell us that mess... 254 00:14:12,766 --> 00:14:14,102 We was out one night in Hollywood, 255 00:14:14,185 --> 00:14:15,478 he gonna tell me we didn't have to pay taxes. 256 00:14:15,561 --> 00:14:18,231 "Man, we ain't gotta pay no goddamn taxes, man." 257 00:14:19,898 --> 00:14:21,400 I said, "Wesley, what the hell you talkin' about?" 258 00:14:22,318 --> 00:14:25,154 "I'm Blade. Blade don't pay no goddamn taxes. 259 00:14:27,823 --> 00:14:29,992 You pay taxes, huh? [chuckles] 260 00:14:30,076 --> 00:14:33,371 Gee Money, you ain't gotta pay no taxes and shit, man." 261 00:14:33,454 --> 00:14:36,624 "I ain't Gee Money, I'm Chris. What the hell is he talkin' about? 262 00:14:37,791 --> 00:14:40,378 This ain't New Jack City. Wesley, stop smokin' that stuff!" 263 00:14:42,171 --> 00:14:45,549 Good thing about owing the IRS, though, everybody else got to wait. 264 00:14:45,633 --> 00:14:48,844 Bill collectors try to threaten you, they can't even threaten you in this economy. 265 00:14:48,927 --> 00:14:50,263 Talkin' 'bout, "If you don't pay the house note, 266 00:14:50,346 --> 00:14:51,722 we gonna come and get it." 267 00:14:51,805 --> 00:14:54,558 I say, "Well, shit, come get it. It's upside down anyway. Come and get it." 268 00:14:54,642 --> 00:14:56,102 [audience laughing] 269 00:14:58,521 --> 00:14:59,563 -"Don't you wanna talk about it?" -"No! 270 00:14:59,647 --> 00:15:01,857 You said you'd come and get it. Now, come and get this shit!" 271 00:15:01,940 --> 00:15:03,401 [audience laughing] 272 00:15:06,195 --> 00:15:07,488 -"Well, let's talk about it, Mr--" -"No, no! 273 00:15:07,571 --> 00:15:09,657 I don't wanna talk about nothing. 274 00:15:10,574 --> 00:15:14,203 I don't want that house no more anyway. I don't go down there anyway." 275 00:15:14,287 --> 00:15:16,455 People, you know, people will say, "Save your money." 276 00:15:16,539 --> 00:15:18,124 You know, you're young. You don't want to hear that. 277 00:15:18,207 --> 00:15:20,418 They say, "Save your money for a rainy day." 278 00:15:20,501 --> 00:15:23,462 I say, "Shit, it's raining today. I'm about to go get me a Ferrari. 279 00:15:25,339 --> 00:15:27,841 I'm about to go have some fun!" 280 00:15:27,925 --> 00:15:30,886 I was doing crazy stuff, y'all. I was doing crazy stuff. 281 00:15:30,969 --> 00:15:34,973 I bought two houses right next door to each other. Just crazy. 282 00:15:37,393 --> 00:15:41,147 I was my own next door neighbor. It was crazy as hell. 283 00:15:41,230 --> 00:15:42,731 I was borrowing stuff from myself and shit. 284 00:15:42,815 --> 00:15:43,857 "You got some sugar we can borrow?" 285 00:15:43,941 --> 00:15:47,027 "You know I got some sugar we can borrow. What you talking about? 286 00:15:47,110 --> 00:15:50,198 You're me and I'm you, man. Go on up there and get it." 287 00:15:50,281 --> 00:15:51,865 "You ain't gotta talk to me like that. Damn, dude. 288 00:15:53,742 --> 00:15:57,455 I ain't wanna be rude. I was gonna ask you. Damn. 289 00:15:57,538 --> 00:16:01,250 You gonna act like that, long as I've been knowing you. Shit." 290 00:16:03,419 --> 00:16:05,128 Crazy, man! 291 00:16:05,213 --> 00:16:07,047 I'm cutting back though, now. I'm saving my money. 292 00:16:07,130 --> 00:16:09,550 I'm smart. Being smart with my money. 293 00:16:09,633 --> 00:16:13,512 I ain't doing that buying up all these houses no more. Smart! 294 00:16:14,638 --> 00:16:18,226 Me, Toni Braxton and Jermaine Dupri are getting an apartment together. 295 00:16:18,309 --> 00:16:20,018 [audience laughing and applauding] 296 00:16:25,316 --> 00:16:28,110 And Terrell Owens is movin' in, too, with us. 297 00:16:28,194 --> 00:16:29,778 -[audience laughing] -[chuckles] 298 00:16:30,779 --> 00:16:32,406 And bill collectors get on my nerve, too. 299 00:16:32,490 --> 00:16:33,616 They get the-- They get on your nerve. 300 00:16:33,699 --> 00:16:35,409 They call you. They call you, just messing with you. 301 00:16:35,493 --> 00:16:36,869 There's no reason, just... 302 00:16:36,952 --> 00:16:38,371 I don't care though. I tell 'em. I tell 'em. 303 00:16:38,454 --> 00:16:40,956 I say, "Look, people owe me, too. Shit." 304 00:16:49,006 --> 00:16:51,425 "I'm serious." I said, "Call Terry, he owes me $200. 305 00:16:51,509 --> 00:16:53,511 Put that down on the bill." 306 00:16:55,638 --> 00:16:58,140 They say, "We don't know who no Terry is, or where he is." 307 00:16:58,224 --> 00:17:00,559 I say, "I don't know where his ass at neither! 308 00:17:00,643 --> 00:17:03,271 Let's find his ass! 309 00:17:03,354 --> 00:17:05,231 Can't you see he's the problem? Shit. 310 00:17:07,190 --> 00:17:10,444 We're up here fussing, he's running free with our money. 311 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:15,198 You gotta look at who's the problem here." 312 00:17:16,575 --> 00:17:20,288 Bill collectors make me sick. They always go, "We need the money." 313 00:17:21,204 --> 00:17:23,165 They act like you owe them the money personally. 314 00:17:23,249 --> 00:17:25,083 "We need the money." 315 00:17:26,544 --> 00:17:29,129 I said, "Look, I don't owe you a goddamn thing. 316 00:17:30,381 --> 00:17:33,008 You know what I mean? 317 00:17:33,091 --> 00:17:34,302 I owe the company the money. 318 00:17:34,385 --> 00:17:38,221 You stay the hell out of me and that American Express' business." 319 00:17:42,976 --> 00:17:45,646 American Express make me sick, too. 320 00:17:45,729 --> 00:17:49,024 I should have left home without it. They get on my goddamn nerve. 321 00:17:50,776 --> 00:17:54,488 They don't tell you to stop, but they want their money when you owe 'em. 322 00:17:54,572 --> 00:17:56,031 "Uh, you're overdue." 323 00:17:56,114 --> 00:17:58,992 "So, why y'all didn't stop me?" 324 00:17:59,076 --> 00:18:00,744 I've been getting so much on a credit card, I'll be like, 325 00:18:00,828 --> 00:18:04,415 "I think somebody else did it." I'm like, "Who the hell did this shit? 326 00:18:04,498 --> 00:18:06,542 I didn't buy all this shit! 327 00:18:06,625 --> 00:18:09,337 When the hell did I buy a statue?" 328 00:18:11,297 --> 00:18:13,299 "May I remind you, I've seen you shopping with Michael Jackson." 329 00:18:13,382 --> 00:18:14,925 "Oh, shit!" 330 00:18:15,008 --> 00:18:18,304 I remember that. Michael talked me into getting that shit. 331 00:18:18,387 --> 00:18:19,555 You ever loan somebody some money 332 00:18:19,638 --> 00:18:22,475 and they get an attitude with you when you ask for it back? 333 00:18:22,558 --> 00:18:26,437 And they'd be like, "God damn, man! Shit! 334 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,271 God damn! 335 00:18:29,732 --> 00:18:32,485 You're still worried about that little-ass money?" 336 00:18:34,820 --> 00:18:37,823 He looked me up and down like this, "Little-ass money..." 337 00:18:39,742 --> 00:18:43,787 "That shit wasn't little when you borrowed it, God damn it! 338 00:18:43,871 --> 00:18:45,914 Give me my goddamn money!" 339 00:18:50,794 --> 00:18:53,506 "Rich as you is? 340 00:18:53,589 --> 00:18:55,048 Let me tell you how much money you got." 341 00:18:55,132 --> 00:18:57,885 "No, what? No, no, you don't know what I got." 342 00:18:59,512 --> 00:19:02,931 "Damn, man, I told you I was gonna pay you on Tuesday. Shit." 343 00:19:03,015 --> 00:19:05,058 "Well, you told me last Tuesday, not any Tuesday, man. 344 00:19:05,142 --> 00:19:07,770 Go get my goddamn money! 345 00:19:07,853 --> 00:19:10,606 What the hell is wrong with you?" 346 00:19:10,689 --> 00:19:12,941 That's why when people ask me for money, I take pictures of them now. 347 00:19:13,025 --> 00:19:15,819 I take pictures 'cause they don't remember. 348 00:19:15,903 --> 00:19:17,112 They don't remember! 349 00:19:17,195 --> 00:19:19,281 When they was crying and shit when they was asking for the money, 350 00:19:19,365 --> 00:19:20,908 I take pictures of 'em. I say, "Remember this shit? 351 00:19:20,991 --> 00:19:23,411 Look at this picture. Look at it. Remember, you was begging. 352 00:19:23,494 --> 00:19:24,912 You was crying so much. You don't wanna live no more. 353 00:19:24,995 --> 00:19:26,789 You see this shit. 354 00:19:27,998 --> 00:19:31,168 Give me my goddamn money, man!" 355 00:19:31,251 --> 00:19:32,586 Then they try to deny it, "Man, that ain't me." 356 00:19:32,670 --> 00:19:34,171 "That's a close-up shot. That is you! 357 00:19:34,254 --> 00:19:36,715 That's when you was on your knees. Right there! 358 00:19:38,175 --> 00:19:40,135 Give me my damn money!" 359 00:19:41,845 --> 00:19:44,682 You can't trust nobody, man. 360 00:19:44,765 --> 00:19:46,850 I'm gonna be like Oprah. Oprah Winfrey don't trust nobody. 361 00:19:46,934 --> 00:19:49,728 That's why she's so rich. Oprah don't trust nobody. 362 00:19:49,812 --> 00:19:52,815 I remember one time Oprah invited all these celebrities to her house, 363 00:19:52,898 --> 00:19:54,900 and I came and all these celebrities were in her house, 364 00:19:54,983 --> 00:19:57,445 and everybody came over, and she had everybody in the yard. 365 00:19:57,528 --> 00:19:58,654 Wouldn't let nobody in the house. 366 00:19:58,737 --> 00:20:01,323 We was like, "God damn! What kind of shit is that?" 367 00:20:01,407 --> 00:20:02,825 [audience laughing] 368 00:20:06,579 --> 00:20:08,288 Everybody asked everybody, "Have you been in the house?" 369 00:20:08,371 --> 00:20:09,873 "No, I haven't, no." 370 00:20:11,291 --> 00:20:15,003 -"You've been in the house?" -"No, that's why I asked you." 371 00:20:15,087 --> 00:20:17,923 "I mean, she won't let nobody in there, but Gayle and Maya Angelou. Shit. 372 00:20:18,006 --> 00:20:19,007 Damn. 373 00:20:20,759 --> 00:20:23,053 'Cause she don't trust nobody else." 374 00:20:23,136 --> 00:20:24,597 I tried to get in with Maya Angelou. 375 00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:26,098 Told Maya Angelou I need to use the bathroom. 376 00:20:26,181 --> 00:20:28,434 "Miss Angelou, I gotta use the bathroom. Can I go in there with you?" 377 00:20:28,517 --> 00:20:30,102 She was like, "Hell, no, son!" 378 00:20:30,185 --> 00:20:31,645 [audience laughing] 379 00:20:33,689 --> 00:20:35,941 "Who the hell do you think I am? You know I'm wise. 380 00:20:36,024 --> 00:20:38,486 Oprah don't want nobody in that house. 381 00:20:40,112 --> 00:20:41,447 I'm gonna get me a ride back on that plane. 382 00:20:41,530 --> 00:20:42,906 Shit, I gotta go home tomorrow." 383 00:20:46,535 --> 00:20:48,954 Everybody want you to trust 'em. 384 00:20:49,037 --> 00:20:51,081 McDonald's got two windows. 385 00:20:53,250 --> 00:20:55,085 Two windows! 386 00:20:55,168 --> 00:20:59,673 One where you pay and the other one where you get your food. 387 00:20:59,757 --> 00:21:02,009 I'm like, "Man, if I give y'all my money, I want my food, man. 388 00:21:02,092 --> 00:21:04,052 Same time! Same time! 389 00:21:06,472 --> 00:21:08,891 What the hell is wrong with y'all? 390 00:21:10,058 --> 00:21:13,937 You better go up there and get my goddamn food, man!" 391 00:21:14,021 --> 00:21:16,439 "Sir, sir, your food is at the next window, calm down." 392 00:21:16,524 --> 00:21:20,277 "No, no, you take your ass up there. You go get my food and come back. 393 00:21:26,199 --> 00:21:29,119 I gave you my money, I want my food, man! 394 00:21:29,202 --> 00:21:31,789 I don't know you, man! 395 00:21:31,872 --> 00:21:33,331 I don't know who the hell at that next window. 396 00:21:33,415 --> 00:21:37,210 That could be another store. I don't know who the hell up there." 397 00:21:38,712 --> 00:21:39,838 People blowing their horns behind me, 398 00:21:39,922 --> 00:21:43,175 so I said, "Man, they're playing with people's food up here! 399 00:21:43,258 --> 00:21:45,886 Y'all can fall for this shit, but not me! 400 00:21:45,969 --> 00:21:49,222 Now, go get my food, man. 401 00:21:49,306 --> 00:21:52,768 You go up there and get my food, and you come back, that's what you do. 402 00:21:52,851 --> 00:21:54,477 All right, you don't wanna do that? I ain't going then. 403 00:21:54,562 --> 00:21:56,396 I'll stay right here. I don't give a damn. 404 00:22:02,110 --> 00:22:04,071 [audience laughing and applauding] 405 00:22:09,284 --> 00:22:12,245 Go get my food, man!" 406 00:22:12,329 --> 00:22:14,540 They gonna call the cops on me. Do you believe that shit? 407 00:22:14,623 --> 00:22:17,167 Any cops in here? 408 00:22:17,250 --> 00:22:18,669 Where they at? 409 00:22:21,213 --> 00:22:24,382 Y'all play too much. Where they at? Cops play too much, don't they? 410 00:22:24,466 --> 00:22:27,260 They play too much. They're childish. 411 00:22:30,889 --> 00:22:33,183 Hiding in the woods, waiting for somebody to speed. 412 00:22:33,266 --> 00:22:34,559 Man, that's childish! 413 00:22:34,643 --> 00:22:36,353 [audience cheering] 414 00:22:44,402 --> 00:22:48,115 You trying to go to work, they playing hide-and-go-see and shit. 415 00:22:48,198 --> 00:22:49,867 You know how they do, hiding and shit? 416 00:22:49,950 --> 00:22:52,202 Just hiding behind stuff. You know how they... 417 00:22:53,495 --> 00:22:54,955 [audience laughing] 418 00:22:58,709 --> 00:23:00,335 "Shit. 419 00:23:05,590 --> 00:23:06,842 Shit. 420 00:23:14,224 --> 00:23:17,394 Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh!" 421 00:23:17,477 --> 00:23:19,479 [mimicking police siren] 422 00:23:24,985 --> 00:23:26,987 Making all that damn noise, messing up your hearing and shit. 423 00:23:27,070 --> 00:23:29,489 "Man, turn the shit down. You got me!" 424 00:23:31,574 --> 00:23:34,494 Messing up my damn hearing over a damn ticket! 425 00:23:37,122 --> 00:23:38,999 Then they're talking with you like you're some little kid. 426 00:23:39,082 --> 00:23:41,418 "Turn that goddamn car off, boy. 427 00:23:50,010 --> 00:23:51,970 Turn it off! 428 00:23:53,013 --> 00:23:54,597 APB, we need a three-four-five. 429 00:23:54,682 --> 00:23:56,474 Tupac just went through here like a goddamn bat out of hell. 430 00:23:56,558 --> 00:23:57,559 Get down here now! 431 00:24:05,650 --> 00:24:08,403 Where the hell were you going, boy?" 432 00:24:09,654 --> 00:24:11,073 "You ain't my daddy. Who the hell are you? 433 00:24:11,156 --> 00:24:13,616 Don't talk to me like that. You ain't my daddy." 434 00:24:15,452 --> 00:24:17,120 "Why was you speeding, boy?" 435 00:24:18,330 --> 00:24:21,124 "'Cause I didn't see you." 436 00:24:21,208 --> 00:24:22,835 [audience laughing] 437 00:24:28,298 --> 00:24:31,760 "Why was you hiding, man? Tell me that. Why was you hiding? 438 00:24:31,844 --> 00:24:34,596 That shit ain't fair, man! 439 00:24:34,679 --> 00:24:37,682 There's good people out here trying to go to work. 440 00:24:37,766 --> 00:24:38,976 Playing games and shit." 441 00:24:39,059 --> 00:24:41,353 "Boy, watch your mouth, son! 442 00:24:42,270 --> 00:24:44,647 Now, I ain't gonna tell you again! 443 00:24:46,566 --> 00:24:49,527 One more time, out of you. One more time. 444 00:24:50,988 --> 00:24:54,574 Now, you've seen us behind you. 445 00:24:56,201 --> 00:24:59,204 Why the hell you start speeding up?" 446 00:25:00,330 --> 00:25:03,208 "'Cause you was catching up, that's why. 447 00:25:06,294 --> 00:25:09,339 I don't just give up. My mama didn't raise me like that." 448 00:25:10,673 --> 00:25:13,093 Cops, man. That's why I love when I get over on 'em. 449 00:25:13,176 --> 00:25:15,303 Don't you love it when you get over on a cop? 450 00:25:15,387 --> 00:25:16,764 When you're speeding and you think they got you 451 00:25:16,847 --> 00:25:19,474 but they done already pulled somebody over. Don't you love that? 452 00:25:19,557 --> 00:25:23,186 You be speeding and you be like, "Oh, shit, he done got me. God damn. 453 00:25:24,104 --> 00:25:25,313 Oh, no, he done already got somebody. 454 00:25:25,397 --> 00:25:26,940 Oh, he's not gonna stop me! 455 00:25:27,024 --> 00:25:28,901 [mimics car accelerating] 456 00:25:30,819 --> 00:25:33,822 Hey, man, you should've waited, man. I was going way faster than him. 457 00:25:36,616 --> 00:25:38,743 I got some weed and some cocaine!" 458 00:25:39,744 --> 00:25:41,329 [mimics tires screeching] 459 00:25:45,208 --> 00:25:48,336 Cop be mad at you, "Goddamn, son of a bitch! 460 00:25:50,672 --> 00:25:54,092 APB, goddamn, down here, now! 461 00:25:54,176 --> 00:25:57,304 Where the hell is that son of a bitch going? 462 00:25:57,387 --> 00:26:00,432 God damn it, I missed a big one messing with this old-ass lady." 463 00:26:00,515 --> 00:26:03,936 Give it up for my boy, Michael Jackson. I miss Michael, man! I miss him. 464 00:26:04,019 --> 00:26:05,687 [audience cheering] 465 00:26:08,065 --> 00:26:11,234 Michael was the king, man! Real, like, true life king! 466 00:26:11,318 --> 00:26:13,278 Y'all seen me in the video? I was in one of his videos. 467 00:26:13,361 --> 00:26:15,655 Y'all seen me in "Rock My World"? 468 00:26:15,738 --> 00:26:16,865 I couldn't believe I was in that video. 469 00:26:16,949 --> 00:26:18,491 I kept messing up the video looking at Michael. 470 00:26:18,575 --> 00:26:22,037 I was like, "God damn, I can't believe I'm in this goddamn video!" 471 00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:23,205 Michael was getting mad. 472 00:26:23,288 --> 00:26:25,999 [mimics Michael] "Chris, what the hell are you doing? 473 00:26:27,084 --> 00:26:30,170 Chris, look straight. What the hell are you doing? 474 00:26:32,339 --> 00:26:35,342 You're messing up my video, Chris!" 475 00:26:35,425 --> 00:26:38,053 I go, "Mike, I'm sorry, I can't believe I'm in the video with you, man!" 476 00:26:38,136 --> 00:26:40,973 "Chris, believe it. Chris, believe it! Shit. 477 00:26:41,974 --> 00:26:43,308 You're messing up my video, Chris!" 478 00:26:46,603 --> 00:26:48,063 [audience laughing and applauding] 479 00:26:52,317 --> 00:26:54,236 "Mike, I'm sorry, man. I can't believe it." 480 00:26:55,863 --> 00:26:57,948 Michael was so cool, man. Michael changed my name. 481 00:26:58,031 --> 00:26:59,116 I didn't even say nothing. 482 00:26:59,199 --> 00:27:01,076 He started calling me "Christmas" and shit. 483 00:27:02,911 --> 00:27:04,162 First, I didn't know who he was talking about. 484 00:27:04,246 --> 00:27:05,247 I didn't know who he was talking to. 485 00:27:05,330 --> 00:27:07,582 He was like, "Hey, Christmas." 486 00:27:15,382 --> 00:27:17,675 "Who's Michael talking to?" 487 00:27:17,759 --> 00:27:20,845 Michael, "I'm talking to you, Chris. 488 00:27:20,929 --> 00:27:23,556 I'm talking to you. Your name sounds like Christmas. 489 00:27:25,308 --> 00:27:27,185 It's beautiful, Chris. 490 00:27:29,146 --> 00:27:31,148 Reminds me of Christmas. 491 00:27:31,231 --> 00:27:33,775 Christmas trees, 492 00:27:33,858 --> 00:27:36,736 presents, 493 00:27:36,819 --> 00:27:39,072 fireplaces... 494 00:27:39,156 --> 00:27:42,284 It's beautiful, Chris. You should keep it, Chris." 495 00:27:43,118 --> 00:27:46,121 He convinced me. I'm like, "Do sound kind of good. 496 00:27:47,414 --> 00:27:51,126 Christmas Tucker. Okay, Christmas Tucker. 497 00:27:51,209 --> 00:27:54,754 Sounds pretty good. We'll keep it for a little while." 498 00:27:55,713 --> 00:27:58,300 Went up to Neverland. Michael had it cold. Michael had it cold. 499 00:27:58,383 --> 00:28:00,593 But Neverland was really, like, Neverland. 500 00:28:00,677 --> 00:28:02,595 You go there, Michael had big golden gates. 501 00:28:02,679 --> 00:28:04,597 You go through the gates, the music come on, everybody's... 502 00:28:04,681 --> 00:28:05,807 [vocalizing] 503 00:28:05,890 --> 00:28:09,937 I'm like, "God damn! This really is Neverland. 504 00:28:10,020 --> 00:28:12,147 I don't never, ever wanna leave. Shit." 505 00:28:14,441 --> 00:28:16,651 It be fly, too. Michael had us ride on a little train to the house. 506 00:28:16,734 --> 00:28:18,946 "This is some shit, right here. 507 00:28:19,029 --> 00:28:21,906 Michael got a train in his house." 508 00:28:21,990 --> 00:28:23,033 We get to the house. 509 00:28:23,116 --> 00:28:25,660 Man, Michael be sitting there, cold-blooded, like Michael Corleone. 510 00:28:25,743 --> 00:28:28,246 He'd be sitting in the living room. His people get your bags. 511 00:28:28,330 --> 00:28:29,372 You ain't gotta worry about that. 512 00:28:29,456 --> 00:28:31,416 Michael be saying, "How are you? How are you doing?" 513 00:28:31,499 --> 00:28:34,586 We'd be sitting there talking, all of a sudden something magical would happen. 514 00:28:34,669 --> 00:28:36,254 Like, two giraffes just walk by the window. 515 00:28:36,338 --> 00:28:39,007 Like, "What the fuck was that? 516 00:28:43,886 --> 00:28:46,639 Michael, was that two giraffes just walked by the window?" 517 00:28:46,723 --> 00:28:49,851 "No, it was three. It was three giraffes, Chris. 518 00:28:50,852 --> 00:28:52,104 It was three." 519 00:28:53,063 --> 00:28:55,815 "Michael, that was fly as hell!" 520 00:28:55,898 --> 00:29:00,237 "I know, I know. That's why I bought 'em. That's why I bought 'em." 521 00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:02,948 "There ain't no more animals free like that is there, man?" 522 00:29:03,031 --> 00:29:05,367 "Couple of elephants, one lion. We can't find that lion." 523 00:29:05,450 --> 00:29:08,245 "What? What? What the fuck?" 524 00:29:08,328 --> 00:29:09,829 "It won't bite you, Chris." 525 00:29:09,912 --> 00:29:13,458 "It won't bite you, Michael. That lion don't know me. 526 00:29:13,541 --> 00:29:16,086 Better find that damn lion." 527 00:29:16,169 --> 00:29:17,879 Michael was cool, man. We'd hang out with Michael. 528 00:29:17,963 --> 00:29:21,091 Michael liked rap. He liked that 50 Cent song, "In Da Club." 529 00:29:21,174 --> 00:29:22,968 He liked the beat, so he'd be jamming to the beat. 530 00:29:23,051 --> 00:29:25,137 We'd be riding in the car, Michael'd just be jamming to the beat. 531 00:29:25,220 --> 00:29:26,929 He'd be like... [beatboxing] 532 00:29:31,643 --> 00:29:33,311 Michael'd be getting down. He'd just play it back... 533 00:29:33,395 --> 00:29:34,980 [continues beatboxing] 534 00:29:35,063 --> 00:29:36,106 All of a sudden, you know... 535 00:29:36,189 --> 00:29:37,482 It's cool till he starts singing the words. 536 00:29:37,565 --> 00:29:38,691 That's when it sound crazy. He's like, 537 00:29:38,775 --> 00:29:41,403 ♪ You see me in the club With a bottle full of bub... ♪ 538 00:29:41,486 --> 00:29:44,822 "Michael, Michael, no! Michael, no! 539 00:29:44,906 --> 00:29:46,199 Don't sing the words." 540 00:29:46,283 --> 00:29:49,286 "Chris, I love that song, Chris. 541 00:29:49,369 --> 00:29:52,705 I love that beat. I love it, Chris. 542 00:29:52,789 --> 00:29:57,002 That is a cold-blooded beat. I love that beat. 543 00:29:57,085 --> 00:29:59,962 Of course I wouldn't go in the club with a bottle full of bub, Chris. 544 00:30:00,047 --> 00:30:01,548 I wouldn't do that. 545 00:30:02,465 --> 00:30:05,802 But I love that song, Chris." 546 00:30:05,885 --> 00:30:09,556 -"That didn't sound right, Mike." -"I know, but I love it." 547 00:30:09,639 --> 00:30:11,766 He liked Rick Ross, too. He loved-- Sometimes he'd be... 548 00:30:11,849 --> 00:30:14,894 Just going around places... [grunts] He'd be doing a song going... [grunts] 549 00:30:14,977 --> 00:30:17,564 I'd be like, "What the hell was that?" 550 00:30:17,647 --> 00:30:19,524 I said, "Michael, was that you?" 551 00:30:19,607 --> 00:30:21,609 "No, no." 552 00:30:21,693 --> 00:30:23,320 -"Did you hear that?" -"I didn't hear nothing. 553 00:30:23,403 --> 00:30:25,447 I don't know what that was. 554 00:30:25,530 --> 00:30:28,783 I thought you did it. I don't know who did it." 555 00:30:28,866 --> 00:30:30,243 One time, I caught him. He's all... [grunts] 556 00:30:30,327 --> 00:30:32,287 I said, "Michael, I saw you. I knew it was you!" 557 00:30:32,370 --> 00:30:35,623 "I'm sorry, Chris, I love Rick Ross. I love him. 558 00:30:37,084 --> 00:30:40,920 I love Maybach Music. I love... They're so cool. 559 00:30:41,003 --> 00:30:43,798 He's so crazy. 560 00:30:43,881 --> 00:30:45,675 [grunts] I love that. 561 00:30:47,552 --> 00:30:49,596 He's so free. I wanna do that on my album. 562 00:30:49,679 --> 00:30:52,224 -[grunts] -[audience laughing] 563 00:30:52,307 --> 00:30:54,434 He's so crazy. 564 00:30:56,186 --> 00:30:57,895 So silly. [grunts] 565 00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:02,525 Crazy guy." 566 00:31:02,609 --> 00:31:04,361 I said, "Michael!" 567 00:31:04,444 --> 00:31:06,404 One time I did something real cool with Michael, though. 568 00:31:06,488 --> 00:31:08,823 I went over Barry Gibb's house from the Bee Gees. 569 00:31:08,906 --> 00:31:10,700 You know Barry Gibb. I was like, "Damn, this is fly." 570 00:31:10,783 --> 00:31:13,078 We was watching the Oscars at Barry Gibb's house of the Bee Gees. 571 00:31:13,161 --> 00:31:16,539 And we were sitting there and all and hanging out and stuff. 572 00:31:16,623 --> 00:31:19,334 And I said, "God damn, I'm sitting here with Barry Gibb and Michael Jackson." 573 00:31:19,417 --> 00:31:21,002 And all of a sudden both of 'em start singing. 574 00:31:21,086 --> 00:31:22,379 They were singing "How Deep is Your Love." 575 00:31:22,462 --> 00:31:24,089 I said, "God damn! 576 00:31:24,172 --> 00:31:26,466 This is Michael Jackson and Barry Gibb singing right in front of me. 577 00:31:26,549 --> 00:31:28,468 Ain't nobody gonna believe this shit." 578 00:31:28,551 --> 00:31:30,803 There was just me and a dog looking. The dog even seemed surprised. 579 00:31:30,887 --> 00:31:34,432 [mimics dog] "God damn, this shit is fly! Shit, what is this?" 580 00:31:34,516 --> 00:31:37,977 -I said, "Do you see this shit?" -"Yeah, I see the shit. 581 00:31:38,060 --> 00:31:40,188 Michael Jackson, Barry Gibb, sure." 582 00:31:41,439 --> 00:31:43,233 So they start singing. Michael starts singing first. 583 00:31:43,316 --> 00:31:45,235 Man, I never heard him sing live before. He was like... 584 00:31:45,318 --> 00:31:49,364 ♪ How deep is your love? How deep is your love? ♪ 585 00:31:49,447 --> 00:31:53,285 ♪ I really need to know ♪ 586 00:31:53,368 --> 00:31:57,580 ♪ 'Cause we're living in a world of fools ♪ 587 00:31:57,664 --> 00:32:00,041 ♪ Breaking us down ♪ 588 00:32:00,125 --> 00:32:04,254 ♪ And we all should let it be ♪ 589 00:32:04,337 --> 00:32:06,423 ♪ And the world should be... ♪ 590 00:32:06,506 --> 00:32:08,049 And then Barry came in. 591 00:32:08,133 --> 00:32:09,801 ♪ I believe in you ♪ 592 00:32:09,884 --> 00:32:13,221 [singing gibberish] 593 00:32:13,305 --> 00:32:14,972 And then I got caught up and came in. 594 00:32:15,056 --> 00:32:18,726 ♪ Come to you on a summer breeze ♪ 595 00:32:18,810 --> 00:32:21,771 ♪ And you know I can stay and you know it ♪ 596 00:32:21,854 --> 00:32:24,524 And Michael's like, "Chris, no. Chris, no." 597 00:32:24,607 --> 00:32:26,818 [audience laughing and applauding] 598 00:32:27,985 --> 00:32:30,405 "Chris! 599 00:32:32,031 --> 00:32:35,452 Chris... No, Chris. 600 00:32:37,370 --> 00:32:40,207 What are you doing, Chris? 601 00:32:40,290 --> 00:32:41,458 Barry, I'm sorry, Barry. 602 00:32:41,541 --> 00:32:42,750 Chris!" 603 00:32:44,794 --> 00:32:47,004 I said, "Michael, I'm sorry, I got caught up." 604 00:32:47,088 --> 00:32:49,757 "No, Chris, no. Stick with the jokes. 605 00:32:49,841 --> 00:32:52,260 Chris, no. What are you doing?" 606 00:32:53,345 --> 00:32:54,971 I said, "Sorry, Mike, I got caught up, man. 607 00:32:55,054 --> 00:32:57,599 -It sounds so good." -"No, Chris, no! 608 00:32:57,682 --> 00:33:01,186 You said you wouldn't say nothing, Chris. 609 00:33:01,269 --> 00:33:04,647 Barry, I'm sorry. Chris, what's wrong with you? No. 610 00:33:05,607 --> 00:33:09,819 I'm sorry, Barry. I'm sorry. Chris, what are you doing?" 611 00:33:09,902 --> 00:33:12,113 "I'm sorry, Michael, it was just sounding so good, I thought I--" 612 00:33:12,197 --> 00:33:13,906 "No, Chris, no. 613 00:33:13,990 --> 00:33:17,327 Chris, go to the car, Chris, go to the car." 614 00:33:17,410 --> 00:33:19,996 "Michael, man, I won't say nothing else." 615 00:33:20,079 --> 00:33:21,331 "I know you won't say anything else, Chris. 616 00:33:21,414 --> 00:33:23,875 Go. Beat it, Chris. Beat it, Chris." 617 00:33:25,377 --> 00:33:26,794 "Mike, I'm sorry, man. I--" 618 00:33:26,878 --> 00:33:28,546 "Chris, go, go, I told you not to-- 619 00:33:28,630 --> 00:33:31,591 You always want to be starting something. Go, just go. Go. 620 00:33:31,674 --> 00:33:33,510 I don't wanna hear it, Chris." 621 00:33:33,593 --> 00:33:34,927 [giggles] 622 00:33:35,011 --> 00:33:36,763 Michael the man, man. 623 00:33:36,846 --> 00:33:38,890 Michael performed live, man, Michael was incredible, man. 624 00:33:38,973 --> 00:33:40,475 Michael'd do some... Michael'll go out there and do... 625 00:33:40,558 --> 00:33:41,559 [vocalizes] 626 00:33:41,643 --> 00:33:43,436 He'd be talking to your girl, you don't even say nothing. 627 00:33:52,904 --> 00:33:54,030 You don't even say nothing. 628 00:33:54,113 --> 00:33:57,325 You'd be like, "You take her, Mike. Go! Go take her. 629 00:33:57,409 --> 00:34:00,328 I got to come with you though, Mike." 630 00:34:00,412 --> 00:34:02,705 [giggles] Michael be coming to sing, going, 631 00:34:02,789 --> 00:34:07,043 ♪ Lookin' out across the night sky ♪ 632 00:34:07,126 --> 00:34:11,130 ♪ The city winks a sleepless eye ♪ 633 00:34:12,214 --> 00:34:14,717 ♪ Get you alone ♪ 634 00:34:14,801 --> 00:34:16,303 ♪ Shake my window ♪ 635 00:34:17,094 --> 00:34:20,222 ♪ It's such an amusing sight ♪ 636 00:34:20,307 --> 00:34:22,934 ♪ When we say why, why ♪ 637 00:34:23,726 --> 00:34:25,728 ♪ Tell 'em that it's human nature ♪ 638 00:34:25,812 --> 00:34:29,982 ♪ Why, why does he do me that way? ♪ 639 00:34:30,066 --> 00:34:32,151 -Give yourselves a round of applause. -[audience applauding] 640 00:34:32,234 --> 00:34:34,236 ♪ Ooh, yeah ♪ 641 00:34:35,363 --> 00:34:37,490 Thank y'all for supporting and coming out here. 642 00:34:37,574 --> 00:34:39,451 Y'all got to stop messaging me about this Friday stuff. 643 00:34:39,534 --> 00:34:41,453 God damn, y'all. Thank you for supporting me in the movie. 644 00:34:41,536 --> 00:34:44,456 Everybody want to see me do another Friday. 645 00:34:45,457 --> 00:34:48,918 I go through the airport, and the security people just stop me just to ask me that. 646 00:34:49,001 --> 00:34:51,796 "Oh, I got to do a check here. Hey, man, you gonna do another Friday? 647 00:34:54,341 --> 00:34:56,843 Turn around, man. Turn around. Come on, man. 648 00:34:56,926 --> 00:34:58,219 Wish you would do it. Cube wanna do it. 649 00:34:58,303 --> 00:34:59,887 Come on, man, do it. 650 00:34:59,971 --> 00:35:01,764 It'd help you with your taxes. Come on, man." 651 00:35:03,350 --> 00:35:06,185 "Stay the hell out of my business. Do your job. 652 00:35:06,268 --> 00:35:07,604 Make me late for my flight." 653 00:35:08,187 --> 00:35:10,398 I appreciate y'all lovin' the movie. I ain't gonna do another one. 654 00:35:10,482 --> 00:35:12,775 'Cause Cube didn't pay me for the first one, shit. 655 00:35:12,859 --> 00:35:14,151 [audience laughing] 656 00:35:15,111 --> 00:35:18,865 He said he'd give me some CDs and some weed. I said, "Hell, no." 657 00:35:21,576 --> 00:35:24,912 [mimicking Ice Cube] Talkin' bout, "You ain't even tried it yet, Chris. 658 00:35:25,872 --> 00:35:27,957 You ain't even tried it yet." 659 00:35:29,291 --> 00:35:32,879 Cube, I don't want no damn weed. I want some money! 660 00:35:32,962 --> 00:35:35,047 Cube'd be talking to you, but it's like he rapping to you. 661 00:35:35,131 --> 00:35:37,425 [rapping] ♪ You can do it Put your back into it ♪ 662 00:35:38,635 --> 00:35:41,388 "Is he rapping or talkin' to me? 663 00:35:41,471 --> 00:35:42,639 Cube, what'd you say?" 664 00:35:42,722 --> 00:35:44,265 [rapping] ♪ Don't stop Get it, get it ♪ 665 00:35:44,349 --> 00:35:46,893 "Man, would you stop rapping to me?" 666 00:35:48,978 --> 00:35:50,146 He's doing movie lines. 667 00:35:50,229 --> 00:35:53,400 "Either they don't know, they don't show, 668 00:35:53,483 --> 00:35:56,528 or they don't care what's going on in the hood." 669 00:35:56,611 --> 00:35:58,320 I said, "Cube, that's Boyz n the Hood, man! 670 00:35:58,405 --> 00:35:59,781 Would you stop acting?" 671 00:36:00,698 --> 00:36:03,743 My family tripped out when they found out how much money I was making. 672 00:36:03,826 --> 00:36:05,620 My family acted a fool. 673 00:36:05,703 --> 00:36:06,996 They just act cray, all of them. 674 00:36:07,079 --> 00:36:08,498 They found out how much money I was making, 675 00:36:08,581 --> 00:36:11,125 all of them just quit their jobs. They just quit. I said, "What the fuck?" 676 00:36:12,043 --> 00:36:15,129 I said, "Wait a minute. What y'all doin'?" 677 00:36:17,465 --> 00:36:18,675 They were going around singing, 678 00:36:18,758 --> 00:36:21,553 ♪ We rich, we rich We ain't gotta do shit ♪ 679 00:36:21,636 --> 00:36:24,722 ♪ We rich, we rich We ain't gotta do shit ♪ 680 00:36:27,559 --> 00:36:29,226 ♪ We rich, rich, rich ♪ 681 00:36:30,937 --> 00:36:33,648 ♪ We rich, we rich, we rich ♪ 682 00:36:37,652 --> 00:36:39,987 I said, "Y'all ain't rich. I'm rich. 683 00:36:41,906 --> 00:36:45,785 You better get y'all jobs back before it's too late. Shit. 684 00:36:48,580 --> 00:36:51,458 What's wrong with y'all?" 685 00:36:51,541 --> 00:36:54,293 It was crazy, man. 686 00:36:54,376 --> 00:36:55,503 Everybody wanted something, man. 687 00:36:55,587 --> 00:36:59,131 My brother was reminding me of stuff he did for me when I was five years old. 688 00:37:01,133 --> 00:37:03,761 He said, "Man, remember that time you was walking across the street 689 00:37:03,845 --> 00:37:06,764 and that car was comin'? And I said, 'Hold up, wait a minute.'" 690 00:37:06,848 --> 00:37:08,057 [audience laughing] 691 00:37:08,975 --> 00:37:11,185 "You got to remember that, man. 692 00:37:12,353 --> 00:37:15,982 Chris, you wouldn't even be alive now, man. 693 00:37:16,065 --> 00:37:19,068 Loan me the money for the house, man. Damn." 694 00:37:19,151 --> 00:37:22,071 I said, "I don't remember. I'm too young, I was too young." 695 00:37:22,154 --> 00:37:24,156 You can't ask nobody how they're doin'. 696 00:37:24,240 --> 00:37:26,493 It always leads back to money. 697 00:37:28,285 --> 00:37:29,662 I asked my Uncle John. 698 00:37:29,746 --> 00:37:31,413 I said, "Uncle John, how you doing? Good to see you." 699 00:37:31,498 --> 00:37:33,666 "Oh, man, God damn!" 700 00:37:33,750 --> 00:37:35,502 [audience laughing] 701 00:37:43,510 --> 00:37:45,386 "God! Chris, man. 702 00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:54,812 [groans] Chris... 703 00:37:57,148 --> 00:37:59,025 Really bad. 704 00:37:59,108 --> 00:38:01,443 Oh, Chris, Chris, Chris..." 705 00:38:03,195 --> 00:38:06,032 You know somebody in some pain when they say, "Oh..." 706 00:38:08,159 --> 00:38:10,828 They're howling your name. [moaning] "Oh, Chris, Chris 707 00:38:12,288 --> 00:38:15,291 I'm so glad you said something, son. 708 00:38:15,374 --> 00:38:18,460 The Lord must be speaking to you today, Chris." 709 00:38:20,379 --> 00:38:22,423 [audience laughing] 710 00:38:29,514 --> 00:38:30,890 "Chris... 711 00:38:32,224 --> 00:38:35,937 I don't know how the hell I'm gonna pay all these damn bills, Chris." 712 00:38:37,730 --> 00:38:40,441 I said, "Uncle John, I don't know how the hell you're gonna pay them neither! 713 00:38:40,525 --> 00:38:42,068 God damn! 714 00:38:42,151 --> 00:38:44,946 I just asked you how you was doing, man! 715 00:38:45,029 --> 00:38:48,991 Damn! Why everything gotta lead back to money?" 716 00:38:50,492 --> 00:38:53,621 On a trip, man. My daddy tripped out. 717 00:38:53,705 --> 00:38:55,582 My daddy tripping, going to tell me his doctor said 718 00:38:55,665 --> 00:38:58,585 he need a new car 'cause the old car messin' up his back. 719 00:38:58,668 --> 00:39:00,252 I said, "Daddy!" 720 00:39:00,336 --> 00:39:01,713 [audience laughing] 721 00:39:07,468 --> 00:39:08,928 He gonna swear me down, 722 00:39:09,011 --> 00:39:10,555 "Look at the prescription. 723 00:39:14,141 --> 00:39:17,228 That's what the doctor said. Look at the prescription. 724 00:39:19,313 --> 00:39:21,440 Nobody trying to trick you. Shit. 725 00:39:23,525 --> 00:39:25,945 That old car killin' me, son. 726 00:39:30,742 --> 00:39:32,619 That's what the doctor said. 727 00:39:34,579 --> 00:39:37,206 You want your daddy to die, boy? 728 00:39:38,750 --> 00:39:41,127 Go on, look at the prescription. 729 00:39:42,378 --> 00:39:44,589 See that, it need to be blue and convertible. 730 00:39:44,672 --> 00:39:47,341 It's good for my spirit, son. 731 00:39:49,844 --> 00:39:52,388 That's what the doctor said. 732 00:39:52,471 --> 00:39:54,348 I didn't make up nothing like that." 733 00:39:55,474 --> 00:39:57,810 I said, "Daddy, no." 734 00:39:57,894 --> 00:40:00,146 My daddy wanted a new car because I bought my mama a new car. 735 00:40:01,272 --> 00:40:03,941 'Cause you know, when you make a little money, 736 00:40:04,025 --> 00:40:06,027 first thing you do is take care of your mama, right? 737 00:40:06,110 --> 00:40:07,153 You take care of your mama. 738 00:40:07,236 --> 00:40:08,613 [audience applauding] 739 00:40:08,696 --> 00:40:10,531 In black families, that's what we do 740 00:40:10,615 --> 00:40:13,242 with this new generation money, take care of your mama. 741 00:40:13,325 --> 00:40:14,827 But then my parents, they separated when I was young, 742 00:40:14,911 --> 00:40:16,453 which is cool 'cause my daddy was always around. 743 00:40:16,537 --> 00:40:19,666 They separated and then I bought my mama a car, my daddy wanted one. 744 00:40:19,749 --> 00:40:21,751 Well, I said, "Daddy, 745 00:40:21,834 --> 00:40:25,296 I ain't going broke 'cause you and Mama don't love each other no more. 746 00:40:25,379 --> 00:40:28,132 I ain't buying no two cars, I ain't doing it." 747 00:40:28,215 --> 00:40:30,426 I said, "You better get back with Mama. Shit." 748 00:40:36,432 --> 00:40:38,475 I said, "Ride in the back seat. Y'all ain't gotta talk. Shit. 749 00:40:43,064 --> 00:40:45,441 So what's love got to do with it?" 750 00:40:47,109 --> 00:40:50,071 My daddy left home, he left home when I was younger and stuff. 751 00:40:50,154 --> 00:40:52,406 He thought we was all sad, but we was cool because it was like, 752 00:40:52,489 --> 00:40:54,241 "Shit, it's too crowded in the house anyway." 753 00:40:54,325 --> 00:40:55,785 We were happy. 754 00:40:57,286 --> 00:40:59,080 "He need his own place. Shit. 755 00:41:00,081 --> 00:41:02,249 Always turning the TV and shit. 756 00:41:04,293 --> 00:41:06,713 Nobody wanna watch no damn Dallas." 757 00:41:09,131 --> 00:41:10,632 [chuckling] 758 00:41:10,717 --> 00:41:13,094 He thought we were sad, and he came back one day to talk to us, 759 00:41:13,177 --> 00:41:15,221 we was like, "Oh, shit, I know he ain't comin' back, is he?" 760 00:41:17,556 --> 00:41:19,892 I said, "Daddy, you ain't coming back, are you? 761 00:41:21,643 --> 00:41:23,645 Don't be a quitter now." 762 00:41:23,730 --> 00:41:25,732 [audience laughing] 763 00:41:30,277 --> 00:41:32,780 "You don't want us to grow up to be quitters, do you? 764 00:41:33,781 --> 00:41:35,742 Besides, we done took your room. Mama in our room now. 765 00:41:35,825 --> 00:41:37,534 We got the big room." 766 00:41:37,618 --> 00:41:39,620 "Go get your ass out in front of me." 767 00:41:41,413 --> 00:41:44,083 I worked for my daddy, too. Don't work for family. 768 00:41:44,166 --> 00:41:46,961 You ever work for family? Don't work for family. 769 00:41:47,044 --> 00:41:49,088 You ever got a whoopin' at your job? 770 00:41:51,298 --> 00:41:52,717 That's embarrassin' as hell. 771 00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:56,053 My daddy would... My daddy would whoop us anywhere. 772 00:41:56,137 --> 00:41:57,554 "Get your ass in there. Do what I told you to do." 773 00:41:57,638 --> 00:41:58,890 I'm like, "Daddy, come on, wait till we get home." 774 00:41:58,973 --> 00:42:00,016 "You don't wait for me, God damn it. 775 00:42:00,099 --> 00:42:02,184 -You'll do what the hell I tell you to." -"Daddy, please!" 776 00:42:06,939 --> 00:42:10,692 My daddy come home and just whoop everybody in the house. 777 00:42:10,777 --> 00:42:12,862 Be whoopin' my friends and shit. 778 00:42:14,113 --> 00:42:15,572 "Get your ass up there. Do what I told you to do." 779 00:42:15,656 --> 00:42:18,075 "Mr. Tucker, Mr. Tucker, I ain't your son!" 780 00:42:20,327 --> 00:42:23,622 "Get your ass out of my house, then. I told you not to come down here. 781 00:42:23,705 --> 00:42:26,250 You need an ass-whoopin' anyway, God damn it." 782 00:42:26,333 --> 00:42:27,752 "I'm-a tell my daddy." 783 00:42:27,835 --> 00:42:30,671 "I catch him in my house, I'm-a whoop his ass, too!" 784 00:42:36,302 --> 00:42:39,096 One time, my daddy whooped me and my brother like slaves. 785 00:42:40,306 --> 00:42:42,767 Like two slaves, 'cause he came home, he was mad. 786 00:42:42,850 --> 00:42:44,977 He came home from the Atlanta dairy, he was mad. 787 00:42:45,061 --> 00:42:46,478 We didn't know he was mad. 788 00:42:46,562 --> 00:42:49,231 We did something, broke something, so we tried to tell on each other. 789 00:42:49,315 --> 00:42:50,357 So we ran up to him, 790 00:42:50,441 --> 00:42:52,276 -"Daddy, he did it." -"No, he did it, Dad." 791 00:42:52,359 --> 00:42:54,653 My daddy whooped both of us. He said, "Both of y'all go downstairs, 792 00:42:54,736 --> 00:42:55,905 take your clothes off, and lay on the couch." 793 00:42:55,988 --> 00:42:58,074 We was like, "What the fuck?" 794 00:42:58,157 --> 00:43:00,159 [audience laughing] 795 00:43:09,168 --> 00:43:10,669 "What Daddy say?" 796 00:43:10,752 --> 00:43:12,588 [breathing heavily] 797 00:43:12,671 --> 00:43:17,551 "All I heard was lay down there butt-naked or something, on the couch." 798 00:43:17,634 --> 00:43:18,886 "Oh, shit. 799 00:43:20,596 --> 00:43:22,807 We shouldn't have said nothing, man." 800 00:43:23,933 --> 00:43:25,810 We were downstairs, man, my daddy was-- 801 00:43:25,893 --> 00:43:28,270 Waiting, butt-naked on the couch. 802 00:43:30,189 --> 00:43:32,483 Lookin' at each other, "What the hell we do, man? 803 00:43:32,566 --> 00:43:34,401 Why did we say something?" 804 00:43:35,652 --> 00:43:37,613 [sobbing] 805 00:43:45,162 --> 00:43:47,748 My brother tried to be strong, "Be strong, boy. 806 00:43:48,790 --> 00:43:52,920 You hear me, Chris? Don't let him break you, Chris. 807 00:43:54,671 --> 00:43:57,049 Don't let him break you." 808 00:43:57,716 --> 00:44:01,470 [sobbing] "Okay, okay, okay, okay." 809 00:44:03,430 --> 00:44:05,474 "Cry inside, Chris." 810 00:44:07,476 --> 00:44:09,103 "Okay, okay." 811 00:44:11,105 --> 00:44:12,814 He hit my brother first, he's like... [popping] 812 00:44:12,899 --> 00:44:17,111 My brother said, "Ahhh! Daddy, I'm sorry, Daddy!" 813 00:44:20,072 --> 00:44:22,992 I laughed so hard, I didn't even hurt when he was whooping me. 814 00:44:23,075 --> 00:44:26,537 [laughing] "Daddy. Daddy, stop." 815 00:44:30,041 --> 00:44:32,251 We were in the room, like, "What's all that 'be strong' shit? 816 00:44:32,334 --> 00:44:34,378 What happened to that, where did that go? 817 00:44:34,461 --> 00:44:36,463 Hmm? Where'd that go?" 818 00:44:37,798 --> 00:44:40,842 "Daddy hit me hard 'cause I'm older and shit." 819 00:44:40,927 --> 00:44:42,136 "Yeah, right." 820 00:44:43,845 --> 00:44:45,264 Yeah, man. 821 00:44:46,682 --> 00:44:48,600 My daddy is somethin' else, man. 822 00:44:48,684 --> 00:44:50,144 It's a trip though, being the youngest. 823 00:44:50,227 --> 00:44:51,520 I'm the youngest of six kids. 824 00:44:51,603 --> 00:44:54,565 You learn a lot when you the youngest of six kids. 825 00:44:54,648 --> 00:44:57,068 You learn what not to do. 826 00:44:57,151 --> 00:44:59,153 'Cause I seen my brothers and sisters get whoopin', 827 00:44:59,236 --> 00:45:01,197 and I'd be like, "What'd you do? Why Daddy whoop you like that? 828 00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:03,740 God damn. Shit. 829 00:45:03,824 --> 00:45:06,660 Daddy tore your ass up, what'd you do?" 830 00:45:07,954 --> 00:45:10,539 "I didn't take out the garbage." 831 00:45:10,622 --> 00:45:15,461 "All that was over garbage? Shit. 832 00:45:16,462 --> 00:45:17,754 Damn. 833 00:45:21,008 --> 00:45:23,010 Daddy's serious about the garbage, huh? 834 00:45:24,011 --> 00:45:25,972 [exhaling sharply] 835 00:45:26,055 --> 00:45:28,224 What day the garbage man come? What day? 836 00:45:30,267 --> 00:45:33,437 Tuesday. Okay, I'll remember that shit. Tuesday." 837 00:45:33,520 --> 00:45:35,856 Being the youngest, you don't get no college fund. 838 00:45:35,939 --> 00:45:37,483 My brothers and sisters messed that all up. 839 00:45:38,359 --> 00:45:42,196 I asked my dad about college, he was like, "Shit. You better find something to do. 840 00:45:49,911 --> 00:45:52,206 Talk to your brothers and sisters. 841 00:45:52,289 --> 00:45:54,916 They had your college fund. They messed it up." 842 00:45:56,335 --> 00:45:57,961 That was okay, though, I didn't care, shoot. 843 00:45:58,045 --> 00:45:59,796 I barely got out of high school. 844 00:45:59,880 --> 00:46:02,299 I wasn't gonna start that shit all over again. 845 00:46:03,425 --> 00:46:05,636 I was barely... I barely got out. 846 00:46:05,719 --> 00:46:06,803 My teacher kept me back. 847 00:46:06,887 --> 00:46:08,097 I said, "What you keepin' me back for? 848 00:46:08,180 --> 00:46:11,267 I don't wanna see you again and you don't wanna see me again. 849 00:46:11,350 --> 00:46:13,602 Let me go! See what I can do. 850 00:46:14,978 --> 00:46:17,439 Let me be all I could be!" 851 00:46:17,523 --> 00:46:19,358 I used to get on teachers' nerves, they used to hate me. 852 00:46:19,441 --> 00:46:21,693 They used to get mad. They'd say, 853 00:46:21,777 --> 00:46:25,156 "Listen, Chris, if you act up again, I'm gonna call your mama." 854 00:46:25,239 --> 00:46:27,783 I said, "If you gonna call my mama, you gonna have to pay the phone bill, 855 00:46:27,866 --> 00:46:30,994 'cause the phone been cut off for two weeks." 856 00:46:31,078 --> 00:46:33,080 [audience laughing] 857 00:46:38,877 --> 00:46:41,088 She'd be pissed off, "Get out of my room! 858 00:46:42,548 --> 00:46:45,967 You make me sick! Go to the principal office!" 859 00:46:46,052 --> 00:46:47,886 I'd go to the principal's office, I didn't care 860 00:46:47,969 --> 00:46:49,555 because I was in the principal's office so much, 861 00:46:49,638 --> 00:46:52,474 I was cool with the principal, we were tight. 862 00:46:52,558 --> 00:46:55,644 He'd be like, "What'd you do this time? Get in here, get in here. 863 00:46:56,603 --> 00:46:58,355 Get in here, close the door. 864 00:46:58,439 --> 00:47:01,525 Sit down. What'd you do this time?" 865 00:47:03,110 --> 00:47:05,279 -"Call my mama, pay the phone bill." -"Man, you crazy! 866 00:47:10,326 --> 00:47:12,161 You're a fool, Chris. 867 00:47:13,287 --> 00:47:14,955 You're a fool, boy. 868 00:47:16,165 --> 00:47:17,791 You gonna make me suspend your ass. 869 00:47:17,874 --> 00:47:20,211 I'm just playing. I'm just playing. We ain't gonna suspend you. 870 00:47:21,837 --> 00:47:23,380 Give me my peanuts." 871 00:47:23,464 --> 00:47:27,008 I used to sell candy. I had the principal hooked on peanuts. 872 00:47:27,093 --> 00:47:29,010 He was hooked on salt. He'd be mad if I don't show up. 873 00:47:29,095 --> 00:47:31,638 "Where the hell you was yesterday? Shit. 874 00:47:37,060 --> 00:47:41,440 Shit. You got me hooked me on this shit, and you don't show up for school. 875 00:47:42,941 --> 00:47:45,444 Don't bite the hand that feeds you, boy. 876 00:47:45,527 --> 00:47:47,571 I can only do so much, Chris. 877 00:47:49,906 --> 00:47:52,576 You know I'm playing. Get out of here. 878 00:47:52,659 --> 00:47:54,911 Don't be late, boy. Don't be late again." 879 00:47:57,539 --> 00:47:59,541 School was fun, man. I found out-- 880 00:47:59,625 --> 00:48:02,669 I tried to play sports, you know, every guy wanna play sports. 881 00:48:02,753 --> 00:48:05,088 I ended up not playing it. I wasn't that good. 882 00:48:05,172 --> 00:48:07,258 I tried to play football, I wasn't that good. 883 00:48:07,341 --> 00:48:09,843 I broke both of my wrists in practice and shit. 884 00:48:11,178 --> 00:48:12,304 Ambulance came, they were like, 885 00:48:12,388 --> 00:48:14,556 "God, how you do that shit?" 886 00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:17,100 I said, "Man, just take me to the doctor. God damn. 887 00:48:18,727 --> 00:48:20,771 I don't know how I did it. Damn! 888 00:48:22,231 --> 00:48:23,982 Take me to the hospital! 889 00:48:24,065 --> 00:48:26,193 Stop asking all these damn questions! 890 00:48:28,945 --> 00:48:30,156 Shit." 891 00:48:34,868 --> 00:48:37,371 I used to play, man, 'cause I wanted that jersey for pep rally. 892 00:48:37,454 --> 00:48:38,955 I wanted that jersey 'cause I wanted to run out there. 893 00:48:39,039 --> 00:48:40,291 That's how you get the girls. 894 00:48:40,374 --> 00:48:43,169 I used to run out there in the pep rally, I used to run out there. 895 00:48:43,252 --> 00:48:45,629 Jersey clean, I ain't played one game. 896 00:48:48,965 --> 00:48:50,384 Coach never let me in a game. 897 00:48:50,467 --> 00:48:52,553 I'm up there, I be in the bench talking about the team 898 00:48:52,636 --> 00:48:54,971 'cause we losing, "They sorry as hell. 899 00:48:56,640 --> 00:48:59,476 We'd win if he'd put me in the game. Shit." 900 00:48:59,560 --> 00:49:01,728 One time, somebody got hurt. Coach put me in the game. 901 00:49:01,812 --> 00:49:03,146 I was like, "What the hell?" He said, 902 00:49:03,230 --> 00:49:06,650 -"Tucker, get up here!" -"What the hell he want?" 903 00:49:10,654 --> 00:49:12,864 "I want you to go in the game, wide receiver. Somebody got hurt." 904 00:49:12,948 --> 00:49:14,157 "Shit." 905 00:49:17,286 --> 00:49:19,288 I didn't know none of their plays. I was like, "Shit. 906 00:49:22,458 --> 00:49:24,835 Coach, game almost over--" 907 00:49:24,918 --> 00:49:27,838 -"Get in the game!" -"What--" 908 00:49:27,921 --> 00:49:31,174 I got out there, I ain't care, I said, "Okay, shit, I'll go out there." 909 00:49:31,258 --> 00:49:32,343 Quarterback say he's running with-- 910 00:49:32,426 --> 00:49:33,969 In the huddle, he said we gonna run, run the ball. 911 00:49:34,052 --> 00:49:36,054 They gonna run the ball. I said, "He ain't gonna throw it to me, 912 00:49:36,137 --> 00:49:37,306 so I'm gonna have some fun." 913 00:49:37,389 --> 00:49:39,391 I was good, because I played with my older brothers and sisters. 914 00:49:39,475 --> 00:49:40,851 I could fake somebody out in a minute, I was good. 915 00:49:43,061 --> 00:49:45,105 Playing street ball. I could... Whoa! 916 00:49:46,690 --> 00:49:49,025 I said, "I'm gonna fake them out. I'm gonna get out there." 917 00:49:49,109 --> 00:49:51,152 He hiked the ball, and I faked it. 918 00:49:52,028 --> 00:49:53,154 Ah! He fell down. I was like... 919 00:49:53,239 --> 00:49:56,116 [whooshes] I was out there, I said, "Oh, shit." 920 00:49:57,158 --> 00:49:59,536 I saw my mama in the stands, I said, "Hey, Mama. 921 00:50:01,705 --> 00:50:02,956 I'm going pro. 922 00:50:04,625 --> 00:50:06,377 I'll buy you a house, Mama." 923 00:50:08,295 --> 00:50:10,756 I knew I was cool. He was gonna run the ball. 924 00:50:10,839 --> 00:50:12,674 All of a sudden, quarterback threw the ball at me, 925 00:50:12,758 --> 00:50:15,761 I was like, "What the fuck are you throwin' it at me for? 926 00:50:20,015 --> 00:50:22,934 Oh, shit, that ain't the play, God damn, man! 927 00:50:26,480 --> 00:50:29,733 He knew I didn't go to practice last week. Shit." 928 00:50:29,816 --> 00:50:31,318 I was hoping something would happen, 929 00:50:31,402 --> 00:50:34,112 like a bird would hit the ball or somethin', 930 00:50:34,195 --> 00:50:35,531 a little rain or somethin'. 931 00:50:35,614 --> 00:50:38,284 Ball came, I dropped it, I was like, "Shit." 932 00:50:38,367 --> 00:50:40,201 My whole family was up cheering. Everybody's like... 933 00:50:40,286 --> 00:50:43,914 I dropped the ball, they was like, "That ain't our brother. 934 00:50:43,997 --> 00:50:46,583 Our brother's number ten. We don't know who that was. We don't. 935 00:50:46,667 --> 00:50:47,918 Come on, Mama, let's go. 936 00:50:48,001 --> 00:50:51,547 Come on, he gave up on us, we're gonna give up on him. Shit. 937 00:50:51,630 --> 00:50:54,383 Embarrass the Tuckers like that. Let's get out of here." 938 00:50:55,509 --> 00:50:56,718 Oh. 939 00:50:56,802 --> 00:50:58,637 We had fun in school. 940 00:50:58,720 --> 00:51:01,307 My daddy one of the daddies, he'd do stuff with us. 941 00:51:01,390 --> 00:51:04,017 That's what he was cool about. He did a lot of stuff with us. 942 00:51:04,100 --> 00:51:06,812 But it was cool until he forget we was his kids and shit. 943 00:51:07,979 --> 00:51:11,442 One time, he called my sister a bitch, and we was like, "God damn, Daddy!" 944 00:51:13,944 --> 00:51:16,029 We was playing cards and she said he didn't put up. 945 00:51:16,112 --> 00:51:17,197 He got mad as hell, 946 00:51:17,280 --> 00:51:20,116 "She gonna tell me what I God damn did, shit. 947 00:51:21,410 --> 00:51:23,203 I put my money up." 948 00:51:23,787 --> 00:51:27,541 -We was like, "Daddy!" -"I don't give a damn shit. 949 00:51:27,624 --> 00:51:30,001 I knew her when she couldn't talk or walk. 950 00:51:32,253 --> 00:51:35,131 Don't tell me what I did, God damn it." 951 00:51:36,132 --> 00:51:38,259 My sister was crying. I was like, "It's gonna be all right." 952 00:51:38,344 --> 00:51:40,387 [crying] She's like, "Uh-uh, uh-uh. 953 00:51:40,471 --> 00:51:43,682 My daddy called me a bitch. Uh-uh." 954 00:51:43,765 --> 00:51:46,101 I said, "Stop it, stop it. It's okay. 955 00:51:46,184 --> 00:51:48,562 He done called everybody something. 956 00:51:52,023 --> 00:51:54,275 He called me a punk bitch. Let it go. 957 00:51:56,987 --> 00:52:00,031 Now get your head up and get back in the game." 958 00:52:04,285 --> 00:52:05,371 My daddy funny, man. 959 00:52:05,454 --> 00:52:08,081 One time he lost his mind playing cards over at my sister's house. 960 00:52:08,164 --> 00:52:09,958 Lost his mind. He was losing a lot of money, 961 00:52:10,041 --> 00:52:11,752 and lost his mind. 962 00:52:11,835 --> 00:52:13,545 He thought my sister's roaches was helping her cheat. 963 00:52:13,629 --> 00:52:15,464 Boy, it got shit crazy. 964 00:52:16,507 --> 00:52:18,842 'Cause he kept getting bad hand after bad hand. 965 00:52:20,176 --> 00:52:22,303 He just got frustrated. He was dealing and-- 966 00:52:22,388 --> 00:52:25,682 We didn't know how much money he lost, but he just got to hallucinating stuff. 967 00:52:25,766 --> 00:52:27,601 He would be just shuffling his cards. 968 00:52:34,274 --> 00:52:35,692 [mouthing] 969 00:52:49,790 --> 00:52:51,041 "Shit." 970 00:52:57,548 --> 00:52:59,508 He'd shuffle them again like his hand gonna change. 971 00:53:17,818 --> 00:53:19,820 [audience laughing] 972 00:53:32,040 --> 00:53:35,043 "I knew there was some shit going on in here. 973 00:53:36,920 --> 00:53:41,174 How long that goddamn roach been on that wall, looking at my goddamn hand? 974 00:53:44,553 --> 00:53:47,556 I wanna know who the hell working with this roach." 975 00:53:48,724 --> 00:53:51,101 My friends are all, "God damn. 976 00:53:52,143 --> 00:53:53,812 Your daddy crazy as hell. 977 00:53:55,063 --> 00:53:56,356 We quit, man. Y'all can have the money. 978 00:53:56,439 --> 00:53:57,899 There's something wrong with your family, man. 979 00:53:57,983 --> 00:53:59,818 Y'all gotta work that shit out." 980 00:54:01,152 --> 00:54:03,947 My mama wasn't like that. My mama was different, my mama was strict. 981 00:54:04,030 --> 00:54:05,281 Anybody got a strict mama? 982 00:54:05,365 --> 00:54:07,868 My mama told you something, she meant it. 983 00:54:07,951 --> 00:54:11,622 One time, my mama told me... I got lost in the mall. 984 00:54:11,705 --> 00:54:14,708 My mama didn't even look for me. She didn't even look for me. 985 00:54:17,753 --> 00:54:21,297 I had to find a security guard to help me look for my mama. 986 00:54:21,381 --> 00:54:24,718 I was like, "Come on, man, hurry up, before she leaves. Mama! 987 00:54:26,052 --> 00:54:27,679 Mama, where you at? 988 00:54:29,598 --> 00:54:33,268 Mama! I'm sorry!" 989 00:54:35,186 --> 00:54:38,524 Man, I went everywhere in that mall looking for my mama. 990 00:54:38,607 --> 00:54:41,026 My mama wasn't even in the mall no more. 991 00:54:42,986 --> 00:54:45,822 Found my mama in the parking lot backing back. 992 00:54:46,948 --> 00:54:49,450 I was like, "There she go. Mama! 993 00:54:50,911 --> 00:54:52,579 [sobbing] I'm sorry, Mama." 994 00:54:54,205 --> 00:54:56,207 She's like, "Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. 995 00:54:56,291 --> 00:54:58,459 I thought you had a ride home. The car is too full." 996 00:54:58,544 --> 00:55:00,295 [mimics engine accelerating] 997 00:55:00,378 --> 00:55:01,797 [mimics tires screeching] 998 00:55:04,007 --> 00:55:05,717 "Mama, I'm only five years old!" 999 00:55:05,801 --> 00:55:07,803 "But you think you grown. I told you not to leave my side!" 1000 00:55:07,886 --> 00:55:09,888 [mimics engine accelerating and tires screeching] 1001 00:55:15,727 --> 00:55:16,937 "Mama!" 1002 00:55:17,979 --> 00:55:19,439 I thought she was gonna come back, 1003 00:55:19,522 --> 00:55:22,317 she left me out there all night long, I'll tell you something. 1004 00:55:22,400 --> 00:55:23,610 [sniffles] 1005 00:55:23,694 --> 00:55:25,612 Wouldn't nobody even kidnap me. 1006 00:55:31,534 --> 00:55:34,746 Kidnappers don't kidnap black kids. We too much trouble. 1007 00:55:36,707 --> 00:55:38,458 We ask too many questions. 1008 00:55:39,835 --> 00:55:42,629 We'll be in the backseat asking questions, we won't be quiet. 1009 00:55:42,713 --> 00:55:45,548 We'll be scared, but we wanna know what's going on. 1010 00:55:50,887 --> 00:55:53,599 [breathing shallowly] "Mr. Kidnapper? 1011 00:55:55,642 --> 00:55:57,268 Mr. Kidnapper? 1012 00:55:59,145 --> 00:56:00,772 Where we going? 1013 00:56:06,695 --> 00:56:08,154 Mr. Kidnapper? 1014 00:56:10,531 --> 00:56:12,075 When we gonna eat?" 1015 00:56:12,158 --> 00:56:13,744 [audience laughing] 1016 00:56:23,128 --> 00:56:24,545 "Mr. Kidnapper? 1017 00:56:27,132 --> 00:56:28,383 Mr. Kidnapper? 1018 00:56:30,176 --> 00:56:34,097 Can you put the radio to a black radio station, please?" 1019 00:56:34,180 --> 00:56:36,182 [audience applauding and laughing] 1020 00:56:46,026 --> 00:56:49,529 "Maybe a little Babyface, Earth, Wind & Fire or somethin'? 1021 00:56:49,612 --> 00:56:51,156 I'm getting a little scared, man." 1022 00:56:52,073 --> 00:56:53,784 Kidnapper just goes, "Just get the hell out, boy! 1023 00:56:53,867 --> 00:56:56,286 Get the hell out of the car! 1024 00:56:56,369 --> 00:56:59,205 Drive me even more crazy, God damn! 1025 00:57:00,666 --> 00:57:03,459 Do you realize your life is in danger, boy? 1026 00:57:03,543 --> 00:57:04,670 Get out!" 1027 00:57:04,753 --> 00:57:06,337 [sputtering] 1028 00:57:06,421 --> 00:57:08,423 "You kidnapped me, man! 1029 00:57:10,258 --> 00:57:13,219 You get more money if you keep me alive. Shit." 1030 00:57:13,303 --> 00:57:15,305 Yeah, my mama, man, she didn't play, man. 1031 00:57:15,388 --> 00:57:17,933 My mama made us go to church. Made us. 1032 00:57:18,016 --> 00:57:20,644 We hadn't even sinned yet, we still had to go to church. 1033 00:57:21,937 --> 00:57:24,314 "All right, get up. You are going to church!" 1034 00:57:24,397 --> 00:57:27,400 "Mama, can't the preacher come here sometimes? 1035 00:57:29,695 --> 00:57:31,321 We always going to him. 1036 00:57:32,864 --> 00:57:35,701 He can preach on the kitchen table, Mama." 1037 00:57:35,784 --> 00:57:37,703 "Get up! You are going to church! 1038 00:57:37,786 --> 00:57:41,081 Make me sick. Making me late." 1039 00:57:41,164 --> 00:57:43,249 She's always talkin' bout we making her late. 1040 00:57:43,333 --> 00:57:45,168 And she ain't dressed, neither. 1041 00:57:46,920 --> 00:57:48,672 Walkin' around with her bra on. 1042 00:57:48,755 --> 00:57:50,590 "You are making me late! 1043 00:57:51,717 --> 00:57:54,761 I can't get dressed fooling around with y'all!" 1044 00:57:58,139 --> 00:58:01,142 "You can't get dressed 'cause you ain't dressed, Mama. 1045 00:58:02,769 --> 00:58:04,980 You late, too. We're just a late family." 1046 00:58:06,356 --> 00:58:08,316 "Making me sick!" 1047 00:58:08,399 --> 00:58:09,776 She'd be mad at us every Sunday. 1048 00:58:09,860 --> 00:58:10,902 She'd fix her some breakfast, 1049 00:58:10,986 --> 00:58:12,528 she wouldn't fix us nothin', she'd be mad at us. 1050 00:58:12,612 --> 00:58:15,490 We'd be so late she gotta eat it in the car. 1051 00:58:15,573 --> 00:58:18,159 She'd come to the car with her food. 1052 00:58:18,243 --> 00:58:21,162 And one time she brought it to the car and gave it to me to hold, 1053 00:58:21,246 --> 00:58:25,333 but I didn't hear what she said, and I thought she was giving it to me. 1054 00:58:25,416 --> 00:58:26,710 And I ate my mama's breakfast. 1055 00:58:26,793 --> 00:58:29,170 Man, I ain't never seen her this mad before. 1056 00:58:30,130 --> 00:58:32,382 'Cause all I heard was, "Here." 1057 00:58:34,718 --> 00:58:37,053 I didn't hear, "Hold this." I didn't hear that. 1058 00:58:38,138 --> 00:58:40,140 And she says, "Get that door! Get the door! 1059 00:58:40,223 --> 00:58:43,143 You make me sick. Every Sunday, we gotta go through this! 1060 00:58:44,185 --> 00:58:45,395 Here! 1061 00:58:46,813 --> 00:58:48,231 Hold that." 1062 00:58:49,607 --> 00:58:51,067 And I got it, I was like, "Huh? 1063 00:58:52,527 --> 00:58:54,738 I thought Mama was mad at us. 1064 00:58:56,239 --> 00:58:59,200 Well, she said, 'Here.' 1065 00:59:32,692 --> 00:59:34,527 Why'd Mama fix me coffee?" 1066 00:59:39,032 --> 00:59:42,452 My brother was in the backseat, "Man, what the hell you doing? 1067 00:59:43,661 --> 00:59:45,413 That's Mama food." 1068 00:59:46,747 --> 00:59:47,958 "Shut up. 1069 00:59:49,793 --> 00:59:52,003 Can't stand to see me have nothing. 1070 01:00:01,012 --> 01:00:04,182 Just like Grandmamma said, 'Crabs in the bucket. 1071 01:00:05,892 --> 01:00:08,394 Don't even have to put a lid on the top.' 1072 01:00:10,021 --> 01:00:11,940 Mama fixed this for me! 1073 01:00:14,192 --> 01:00:16,444 Mad 'cause you ain't in the front seat. 1074 01:00:18,654 --> 01:00:19,823 Make me sick." 1075 01:00:20,781 --> 01:00:22,742 All of a sudden, my mama said, "Hand me my plate." 1076 01:00:33,711 --> 01:00:34,795 "Shut up. 1077 01:00:35,839 --> 01:00:37,632 Mama, what'd you say?" 1078 01:00:39,425 --> 01:00:41,177 "Boy, I said, hand me my plate!" 1079 01:00:42,220 --> 01:00:44,097 "Mama, you mean the plate you gave me?" 1080 01:00:45,140 --> 01:00:47,517 "Boy, the plate I told you to hold!" 1081 01:00:48,809 --> 01:00:50,603 "Mama, you said, 'Here.'" 1082 01:00:52,772 --> 01:00:54,941 "Boy, I said, 'Here, hold my plate.'" 1083 01:00:56,317 --> 01:00:57,568 "Mama... [whimpers] 1084 01:00:59,404 --> 01:01:00,738 Mama... 1085 01:01:02,240 --> 01:01:04,242 Mama, you still love me, Mama?" 1086 01:01:06,202 --> 01:01:08,121 "Boy, what are you talking about?" 1087 01:01:08,204 --> 01:01:11,624 "You know how sometimes I be doing stupid stuff, Mama?" 1088 01:01:11,707 --> 01:01:14,585 "Oh, I know you didn't sit up there and eat my food! 1089 01:01:14,669 --> 01:01:16,129 You get out of this car and you walk to church. 1090 01:01:16,212 --> 01:01:18,506 You hear me? You get out and you walk to church! 1091 01:01:18,589 --> 01:01:20,175 You got enough energy, get out of here!" 1092 01:01:20,258 --> 01:01:22,385 [sputtering] 1093 01:01:22,468 --> 01:01:24,470 "Mama, I'm sorry! 1094 01:01:25,638 --> 01:01:28,058 I left you the biscuit, Mama!" 1095 01:01:30,560 --> 01:01:33,063 I had to walk all the way to church, y'all. 1096 01:01:33,146 --> 01:01:34,981 I didn't care, I was full. 1097 01:01:37,650 --> 01:01:39,569 I got in the back of the church, my brother was back there. 1098 01:01:39,652 --> 01:01:42,822 We were back there talking. My brother was like, "You crazy." 1099 01:01:43,907 --> 01:01:47,327 I said, "You crazy. Let Mama treat you like that." 1100 01:01:51,497 --> 01:01:53,708 My brother's like, "You gonna go to hell." 1101 01:01:54,709 --> 01:01:56,920 I said, "You already living in hell." 1102 01:02:00,048 --> 01:02:01,091 We back there talking 1103 01:02:01,174 --> 01:02:03,676 and my mama friend see us and say... "Uh-uh." 1104 01:02:03,759 --> 01:02:07,180 Sister Russell saw us back there talking, she went, "Uh-uh. 1105 01:02:07,263 --> 01:02:09,474 Back there embarrassing Sister Tucker. 1106 01:02:10,766 --> 01:02:13,019 They ought to be ashamed of theirselves. 1107 01:02:13,103 --> 01:02:14,938 Somebody get Sister Tucker. 1108 01:02:16,731 --> 01:02:18,524 Touch Sister Tucker. 1109 01:02:20,235 --> 01:02:24,614 Mmm-mmm. Chris back there talking. Mary! Mary! Mary! Mary! Hey! 1110 01:02:24,697 --> 01:02:27,242 Mary, look. Mary. Mary, look. Look, Mary." 1111 01:02:34,415 --> 01:02:35,666 [mouthing] 1112 01:02:37,377 --> 01:02:39,045 "He made it to church. 1113 01:02:39,129 --> 01:02:42,215 I thought somebody was gonna kidnap him, you make me sick! 1114 01:02:43,591 --> 01:02:45,885 Back there talking! Chris! 1115 01:02:45,969 --> 01:02:47,678 Chris, shut up! 1116 01:02:48,763 --> 01:02:51,682 Shut up, boy! You hear me? Shut up!" 1117 01:02:51,766 --> 01:02:53,101 And I knew she couldn't get up and move, 1118 01:02:53,184 --> 01:02:54,810 'cause it was the middle of the church, so I said, 1119 01:02:54,894 --> 01:02:57,063 "Mama. You shut up, Mama." 1120 01:02:57,147 --> 01:02:58,231 [audience gasps] 1121 01:02:58,314 --> 01:02:59,732 My mama... 1122 01:03:03,403 --> 01:03:06,281 "Boy, are you done lost your mind, Chris? 1123 01:03:07,823 --> 01:03:10,160 Now, I said shut up, boy." 1124 01:03:10,243 --> 01:03:12,953 "Mama, I said shut up, lady." 1125 01:03:18,334 --> 01:03:21,171 "You wait till after church, you wait till after church, Chris." 1126 01:03:21,254 --> 01:03:24,299 "No, Mama, you wait till after church, Mama. 1127 01:03:24,382 --> 01:03:26,926 You hear me? You wait till after church, Mama! 1128 01:03:27,927 --> 01:03:30,346 Ain't gonna fix nobody no breakfast!" 1129 01:03:30,430 --> 01:03:32,640 "Boy, you done went crazy, boy! 1130 01:03:34,267 --> 01:03:36,894 -You, you wait--" -"Mama, you wait, you wait." 1131 01:03:38,521 --> 01:03:40,106 My mama so mad at me, they thought she was shouting. 1132 01:03:40,190 --> 01:03:42,608 She mad at me, "Lord, I'm-a get him, Lord, I'm-a get him! 1133 01:03:52,827 --> 01:03:54,954 He ate my breakfast, Lord, he ate my breakfast!" 1134 01:03:59,875 --> 01:04:01,001 [chuckles] 1135 01:04:02,587 --> 01:04:04,964 I love church, man. I love going to church. 1136 01:04:05,048 --> 01:04:06,799 It's fun in church. 1137 01:04:06,882 --> 01:04:10,053 I like to see the people shouting in church. 1138 01:04:10,136 --> 01:04:11,637 Especially the older ladies shouting in church. 1139 01:04:11,721 --> 01:04:13,098 You know, the mothers? 1140 01:04:13,181 --> 01:04:15,475 'Cause the mothers, they don't go to clubs no more, 1141 01:04:15,558 --> 01:04:19,187 so the only chance they get to dance is in the church. 1142 01:04:19,270 --> 01:04:20,813 So they be getting down. 1143 01:04:20,896 --> 01:04:23,316 They be sharp, too. They be having their suits on with the-- 1144 01:04:23,399 --> 01:04:25,651 Shiny, with the pretty hats and they get to shoutin'. 1145 01:04:25,735 --> 01:04:27,862 They be getting down, they be like, oh... 1146 01:04:44,462 --> 01:04:46,672 I be like, "Get down, Sister Scott." 1147 01:04:47,923 --> 01:04:49,259 Sometimes I go out there with them, 1148 01:04:49,342 --> 01:04:51,802 "Go ahead, Sister Scott. Go ahead, Sister Scott! 1149 01:04:53,763 --> 01:04:56,056 You still got it, Sister Scott!" 1150 01:04:57,600 --> 01:05:00,853 "I know I still got it, boy. You gonna get in trouble, Chris. 1151 01:05:00,936 --> 01:05:02,147 Your mama looking at you, Chris. 1152 01:05:02,230 --> 01:05:04,232 Your mama right over there. 1153 01:05:04,315 --> 01:05:07,527 1952, doing the romp here, baby. 1154 01:05:07,610 --> 01:05:09,362 I ain't lost a step, look at that. 1155 01:05:10,405 --> 01:05:12,990 Your mama gonna get you, boy. You crazy. 1156 01:05:13,073 --> 01:05:16,452 I heard you ate her breakfast. I don't know what's wrong with you. 1157 01:05:17,537 --> 01:05:19,455 What is wrong with you?" 1158 01:05:20,540 --> 01:05:22,375 "How'd you hear about that?" 1159 01:05:26,129 --> 01:05:27,963 Man, mothers know everything. 1160 01:05:29,132 --> 01:05:31,134 It'd be scary sometimes in church. 1161 01:05:31,217 --> 01:05:33,886 You know the people that run around in church scare everybody. 1162 01:05:33,969 --> 01:05:35,721 They just bust out screaming... [screams] 1163 01:05:38,933 --> 01:05:39,934 "Hallelujah! 1164 01:05:42,895 --> 01:05:44,397 Thank you, Lord!" 1165 01:05:49,735 --> 01:05:51,070 Even the pastor be scared. 1166 01:05:51,154 --> 01:05:52,780 "Who the hell was that? 1167 01:05:55,074 --> 01:05:57,076 There's a demon in the church. 1168 01:05:58,869 --> 01:06:01,038 Go to my office and get my oil... 1169 01:06:02,498 --> 01:06:04,083 and a hot rag. 1170 01:06:05,543 --> 01:06:09,129 I'm gonna get that demon right up out of this church. 1171 01:06:09,214 --> 01:06:11,424 We not gonna have this in this church. 1172 01:06:12,675 --> 01:06:15,678 That ain't one of my members. I know all my members. 1173 01:06:15,761 --> 01:06:17,472 And ain't none of them that crazy." 1174 01:06:20,725 --> 01:06:22,768 Some preachers be a trip, don't they? 1175 01:06:22,852 --> 01:06:23,894 Some preachers be stingy. 1176 01:06:23,978 --> 01:06:26,105 You ever been to a church, preacher's stingy? 1177 01:06:26,189 --> 01:06:29,984 Preacher have a pitcher of lemonade up on his pulpit, 1178 01:06:30,067 --> 01:06:32,570 and two cups, don't offer nobody nothing. 1179 01:06:33,779 --> 01:06:36,824 Talking about, "Can I get an amen, church?" 1180 01:06:36,907 --> 01:06:38,743 "Hey, man, pass some of that lemonade! 1181 01:06:40,119 --> 01:06:41,996 You know it's hot in this church! 1182 01:06:42,913 --> 01:06:44,957 You know the water fountain don't work." 1183 01:06:46,166 --> 01:06:48,586 -"Who said that?" -"Me, the brother in the fifth row! 1184 01:06:50,004 --> 01:06:51,922 Hot as hell in this church!" 1185 01:06:52,882 --> 01:06:54,717 "Who the hell in the fifth row?" 1186 01:06:56,302 --> 01:06:58,554 Church be hot! You don't care. 1187 01:06:58,638 --> 01:07:00,306 Church be so hot the flies leave. 1188 01:07:00,390 --> 01:07:03,434 "We going to a white church. It's too hot in here. 1189 01:07:03,518 --> 01:07:04,560 Let's get the hell out of here, come on. 1190 01:07:04,644 --> 01:07:06,396 [buzzes] Shit, the window closed. 1191 01:07:08,523 --> 01:07:10,525 Somebody open the window! 1192 01:07:11,859 --> 01:07:13,110 Oh, shit, man. 1193 01:07:14,028 --> 01:07:15,946 We don't want to be no member no more! 1194 01:07:17,197 --> 01:07:19,158 Come on, man! Let's get the hell out of here. 1195 01:07:20,075 --> 01:07:21,661 Let us go! 1196 01:07:22,953 --> 01:07:24,580 Y'all, niggazz." 1197 01:07:24,664 --> 01:07:26,249 [audience laughing] 1198 01:07:29,043 --> 01:07:30,503 [chuckling] 1199 01:07:36,634 --> 01:07:38,218 Preacher be moving too fast through the Bible, 1200 01:07:38,303 --> 01:07:39,595 he don't care nothing about this. 1201 01:07:39,679 --> 01:07:41,472 He don't wait on nobody. 1202 01:07:41,556 --> 01:07:43,724 "Now, turn to John 45. 1203 01:07:44,850 --> 01:07:46,269 I'll wait for you." 1204 01:07:53,443 --> 01:07:55,152 You'll be looking for it. 1205 01:07:55,235 --> 01:07:58,448 "Hey, is John in the front of the Bible, or the back of the Bible? 1206 01:08:00,366 --> 01:08:03,328 Hey, is John in the front of the Bible? 1207 01:08:03,411 --> 01:08:05,955 Something wrong with my Bible, I think it's broken. 1208 01:08:06,872 --> 01:08:09,041 God bless you. God is going to bless you. 1209 01:08:10,125 --> 01:08:11,377 You mean like that." 1210 01:08:12,587 --> 01:08:14,547 Soon as you get to John, "Go to Luke 45." 1211 01:08:14,630 --> 01:08:16,299 "Pastor, slow down." 1212 01:08:18,426 --> 01:08:21,095 -"Who is that?" -"Me, the brother in the fifth row! 1213 01:08:22,305 --> 01:08:25,015 Nobody don't know the Bible like you." 1214 01:08:25,099 --> 01:08:27,267 "Who the hell is in the fifth row?" 1215 01:08:29,144 --> 01:08:31,564 "I don't know, some brother." 1216 01:08:32,607 --> 01:08:34,692 Then the preacher keep you there all night long. 1217 01:08:34,775 --> 01:08:35,776 Then got the nerve to say, 1218 01:08:35,860 --> 01:08:39,697 "I want you all to come back for tonight's service. 1219 01:08:41,366 --> 01:08:45,119 It's gonna be a fine, dandy time tonight." 1220 01:08:45,202 --> 01:08:46,662 I'm like, "Man, look outside, it is tonight. 1221 01:08:46,746 --> 01:08:48,623 Look outside, it is tonight! 1222 01:08:50,124 --> 01:08:52,292 We done been here all damn day." 1223 01:08:53,669 --> 01:08:55,671 "Who the hell is in the fifth row? 1224 01:08:56,756 --> 01:08:58,341 Get him out of here! 1225 01:09:00,801 --> 01:09:02,637 Messing up my sermon." 1226 01:09:04,722 --> 01:09:06,098 Now I'm a father. 1227 01:09:06,181 --> 01:09:08,017 I'm a father now, I'm raising my son. 1228 01:09:08,100 --> 01:09:10,520 -[audience applauding] -Thank you. 1229 01:09:10,603 --> 01:09:13,398 Kids are free, man. Kids are the only people on Earth 1230 01:09:13,481 --> 01:09:16,484 that can come and stare you in the face, look at you, 1231 01:09:16,567 --> 01:09:18,903 and then walk away, don't say nothing. 1232 01:09:20,571 --> 01:09:22,782 Kids do it all the time. They just come up to you like this. 1233 01:09:31,499 --> 01:09:33,459 [audience laughing] 1234 01:09:38,423 --> 01:09:41,384 They make you feel uncomfortable. "Hey, little kid! 1235 01:09:41,467 --> 01:09:43,135 What's wrong with me? 1236 01:09:44,554 --> 01:09:45,930 Come back here! 1237 01:09:52,269 --> 01:09:54,480 Stay free, little kid. 1238 01:09:54,564 --> 01:09:56,732 Stay free, man!" 1239 01:09:56,816 --> 01:09:57,858 Kids tell you the truth. 1240 01:09:57,942 --> 01:09:59,402 They'll tell you if your breath stink, too. 1241 01:09:59,485 --> 01:10:00,611 They'll tell you. 1242 01:10:00,695 --> 01:10:02,780 Kids will tell you, "Your breath stink." 1243 01:10:05,324 --> 01:10:08,536 -"What? What you talking about?" -"Your breath stink." 1244 01:10:11,371 --> 01:10:12,372 "Don't talk to me like that." 1245 01:10:12,457 --> 01:10:14,124 "Don't talk to me like that. 1246 01:10:16,502 --> 01:10:18,671 Your breath stink." 1247 01:10:18,754 --> 01:10:20,047 "Your breath stink." 1248 01:10:20,130 --> 01:10:21,924 "No, your breath stink. 1249 01:10:22,007 --> 01:10:25,260 You just say that 'cause your breath stinky." 1250 01:10:26,804 --> 01:10:29,014 You don't know whether to be mad or nice to them. 1251 01:10:29,098 --> 01:10:30,099 "Thank you. 1252 01:10:31,767 --> 01:10:33,603 Bad-ass kid." 1253 01:10:33,686 --> 01:10:35,395 'Cause grown-ups ain't gonna tell you your breath stink. 1254 01:10:35,480 --> 01:10:37,440 They just walk around with y'all, they'll tell everybody else. 1255 01:10:37,523 --> 01:10:40,109 "Man, you smell his breath? God damn, he smell! 1256 01:10:40,192 --> 01:10:42,027 Whoo! Shit! 1257 01:10:42,111 --> 01:10:44,614 Did you smell his breath? [laughs] 1258 01:10:45,698 --> 01:10:47,783 I gave him some gum, the gum didn't want to go to him. 1259 01:10:47,867 --> 01:10:49,118 I was like, 'Damn.' 1260 01:10:50,119 --> 01:10:51,871 I mean, his breath be kicking it. 1261 01:10:53,330 --> 01:10:56,584 Can smell it over the phone. I'm talkin' bout, his breath stinks." 1262 01:10:57,918 --> 01:11:00,212 I wanna take my son to Africa, though, I wanna take him to Africa. 1263 01:11:00,295 --> 01:11:01,964 Any of y'all ever been to Africa? 1264 01:11:02,923 --> 01:11:06,218 Go to Africa. Especially if you're black, go see your ancestors. 1265 01:11:06,301 --> 01:11:08,220 I went to Africa, they took me out there, 1266 01:11:08,303 --> 01:11:10,389 I went out there for a genealogy thing. 1267 01:11:10,473 --> 01:11:13,017 I went out there to see my ancestors. 1268 01:11:13,100 --> 01:11:14,894 They took me out there, I did this thing. 1269 01:11:14,977 --> 01:11:17,062 And they took me out there. They took me way out in this village, 1270 01:11:17,146 --> 01:11:19,607 on this dirt road, all the way out to this village. 1271 01:11:19,690 --> 01:11:22,442 They took me, and they showed me and said, "These are your people." 1272 01:11:22,527 --> 01:11:24,945 I said, "Don't none of these people look like me. 1273 01:11:26,572 --> 01:11:29,534 They done tricked my ass, got me all the way out here in the desert." 1274 01:11:30,660 --> 01:11:33,203 I was about to leave, till one of them reminded me of my Uncle John. 1275 01:11:33,287 --> 01:11:34,539 He was like African Uncle John. He's like, 1276 01:11:34,622 --> 01:11:37,416 [in African accent] "Oh, my God, it's so good you are here, Chris! 1277 01:11:46,926 --> 01:11:49,386 I am so glad you are here, man. 1278 01:11:51,556 --> 01:11:53,683 You don't know how much... 1279 01:11:55,392 --> 01:11:57,227 we pray for this day, man. 1280 01:11:58,813 --> 01:12:01,857 I don't know how the hell we gonna pay for this village, Chris." 1281 01:12:04,652 --> 01:12:07,655 I said, "I don't know how the hell you gonna pay for it neither, man. 1282 01:12:07,738 --> 01:12:10,700 Well, African Uncle John, I already got an African Uncle John. 1283 01:12:10,783 --> 01:12:12,451 Now, I brought y'all some Coca-Colas and some shoes 1284 01:12:12,535 --> 01:12:14,203 and I ain't giving y'all nothin' else. 1285 01:12:14,286 --> 01:12:16,956 Where's my Jeep? Get me the hell out of this village! 1286 01:12:17,039 --> 01:12:18,498 Get me out of here!" 1287 01:12:22,419 --> 01:12:24,839 When you're a celebrity and you go to Africa, 1288 01:12:24,922 --> 01:12:26,549 they do special stuff for you. 1289 01:12:26,632 --> 01:12:28,467 They have people meet you at the airport. 1290 01:12:28,551 --> 01:12:31,011 They had a big band meet at the airport for me. 1291 01:12:31,095 --> 01:12:34,306 They had drums, they had signs and stuff. 1292 01:12:34,389 --> 01:12:36,308 But I was tired 'cause it's a long way to Africa. 1293 01:12:36,391 --> 01:12:37,727 I got there, I thought I was gonna get some sleep 1294 01:12:37,810 --> 01:12:39,103 before everything happened. 1295 01:12:39,186 --> 01:12:40,855 I got off the plane, I said, "I'm gonna get some sleep." 1296 01:12:40,938 --> 01:12:41,939 And they was like, "There he is!" 1297 01:12:42,022 --> 01:12:43,023 ♪ Chris Tucker ♪ 1298 01:12:43,107 --> 01:12:46,819 [beatboxing] ♪ Chris Tucker Chris Tucker ♪ 1299 01:12:47,778 --> 01:12:49,279 ♪ Chris Tucker ♪ 1300 01:12:49,363 --> 01:12:51,907 I'm like, "What the hell is going on? This is so-- 1301 01:12:52,867 --> 01:12:54,076 Mmm-mmm. 1302 01:12:56,161 --> 01:12:57,830 Hey, man. This is great, man, 1303 01:12:57,913 --> 01:12:59,999 but I am tired, man. Could we do this a little later?" 1304 01:13:00,082 --> 01:13:02,585 [in African accent] "No, please. That's disrespectful, please dance." 1305 01:13:02,668 --> 01:13:04,044 ♪ Chris Tucker ♪ 1306 01:13:04,128 --> 01:13:05,796 ♪ Chris Tucker ♪ 1307 01:13:05,880 --> 01:13:08,716 I said, "Man, this shit is disrespectful. Man, I am tired. 1308 01:13:09,675 --> 01:13:13,095 I had a 16-hour flight, man, come on now. 1309 01:13:13,178 --> 01:13:15,389 Can we do this later, man? Take me to the hotel." 1310 01:13:15,472 --> 01:13:16,891 "We are walking to the village. Please follow me." 1311 01:13:16,974 --> 01:13:18,183 "What?" 1312 01:13:20,603 --> 01:13:24,564 "My itinerary said the Radisson, man. I ain't goin' to no damn village." 1313 01:13:24,649 --> 01:13:26,400 "Please, Mr. Tucker, just follow us, it's not far. 1314 01:13:26,483 --> 01:13:27,693 It's only 200 kilometers..." 1315 01:13:27,777 --> 01:13:29,319 ♪ Chris Tucker ♪ 1316 01:13:29,403 --> 01:13:30,988 ♪ Chris Tucker ♪ 1317 01:13:31,071 --> 01:13:32,489 ♪ Chris Tucker ♪ 1318 01:13:33,741 --> 01:13:35,492 "Two hundred kilometers! 1319 01:13:37,077 --> 01:13:39,288 I don't know how far that is, but that sound far as hell, man! 1320 01:13:39,371 --> 01:13:41,248 Where the Jeeps at?" 1321 01:13:41,331 --> 01:13:43,626 "It's not far, Mr. Tucker, don't worry. 1322 01:13:43,709 --> 01:13:44,877 If you get tired, get on my back." 1323 01:13:44,960 --> 01:13:46,586 ♪ Chris Tucker ♪ 1324 01:13:46,671 --> 01:13:48,380 ♪ Chris Tucker ♪ 1325 01:13:48,463 --> 01:13:49,632 "Shit, I'm tired now." 1326 01:13:49,715 --> 01:13:51,133 ♪ Chris Tucker ♪ 1327 01:13:51,216 --> 01:13:52,467 ♪ Chris Tucker ♪ 1328 01:13:52,551 --> 01:13:53,552 "Get my luggage! Get my luggage!" 1329 01:13:53,636 --> 01:13:55,554 ♪ Chris Tucker ♪ 1330 01:13:55,638 --> 01:13:57,181 [audience applauding] 1331 01:13:58,641 --> 01:13:59,850 Thank you! 1332 01:14:02,561 --> 01:14:05,605 Stuff happens in Africa, though, you don't see nowhere else on Earth. 1333 01:14:06,606 --> 01:14:09,318 I saw a cheetah walk through the hotel lobby. 1334 01:14:11,445 --> 01:14:13,447 I was the only one scared, the Africans weren't even scared. 1335 01:14:13,530 --> 01:14:16,325 I'm like, "God damn, there's a cheetah in here! 1336 01:14:16,408 --> 01:14:18,410 Look at that goddamn cheetah!" 1337 01:14:19,619 --> 01:14:21,288 My security guard was behind me, I said, 1338 01:14:21,371 --> 01:14:23,165 "Get in front of me, shit! 1339 01:14:25,125 --> 01:14:26,126 Supposed to be protecting me. 1340 01:14:26,210 --> 01:14:28,337 Anybody gonna get bit, it's gonna be your ass." 1341 01:14:29,672 --> 01:14:31,173 I was scared. The Africans weren't even scared. 1342 01:14:31,256 --> 01:14:32,758 They were over there, rubbing it, 1343 01:14:32,842 --> 01:14:35,635 [in African accent] "Oh, look at the cheetah. Look at this cheetah. 1344 01:14:37,346 --> 01:14:40,975 What are you doing in this hotel? What are you doing? 1345 01:14:41,058 --> 01:14:43,769 You don't belong in here." 1346 01:14:43,853 --> 01:14:46,105 Pettin' it and rubbing it, "What are you doing here? 1347 01:14:47,314 --> 01:14:50,109 You must go outside." 1348 01:14:50,192 --> 01:14:53,278 He opened up his mouth, "Look at his teeth. Look at his teeth. 1349 01:14:53,362 --> 01:14:55,239 Look at the designs in his mouth. 1350 01:14:55,322 --> 01:14:57,783 He kill a man one bite, he kill a man one bite." 1351 01:14:59,034 --> 01:15:01,578 All of a sudden he slapped the cheetah on the ass to get him out of there. 1352 01:15:01,661 --> 01:15:02,955 "Get out of here!" [exclaims] 1353 01:15:03,038 --> 01:15:05,791 I was like, "What the hell is wrong with him?" 1354 01:15:05,875 --> 01:15:06,917 The cheetah went crazy, he was like... 1355 01:15:07,001 --> 01:15:08,002 [hisses] 1356 01:15:08,878 --> 01:15:09,962 [snarls] 1357 01:15:14,341 --> 01:15:15,675 [snarls] 1358 01:15:17,552 --> 01:15:19,179 I ran out of that hotel so fast, I was like, 1359 01:15:19,263 --> 01:15:21,724 "Shit! That cheetah gonna kill us!" 1360 01:15:21,807 --> 01:15:23,642 And the cheetah was so fast, it ran by me, I was like, 1361 01:15:23,726 --> 01:15:25,560 "Oh, shit, the cheetah! 1362 01:15:25,644 --> 01:15:26,937 Get my ass back in the hotel. 1363 01:15:27,021 --> 01:15:28,731 Close the doors of the hotel! 1364 01:15:30,274 --> 01:15:31,566 What the hell y'all got the doors open for? 1365 01:15:31,650 --> 01:15:33,944 You know cheetahs are coming in here and shit." 1366 01:15:34,862 --> 01:15:37,447 -"It only happen once a year." -"That's enough! Shit! 1367 01:15:40,700 --> 01:15:42,912 Scared the hell out of me." 1368 01:15:44,872 --> 01:15:46,456 Africa is great. I went on some great trips. 1369 01:15:46,540 --> 01:15:48,793 I went to Africa one time with Bill Clinton. 1370 01:15:48,876 --> 01:15:51,670 That was fun, we went to, like, three or four countries in Africa, 1371 01:15:51,754 --> 01:15:53,380 and Clinton was great, man. 1372 01:15:53,463 --> 01:15:56,842 We had so much fun. We had so many places to go, 1373 01:15:56,926 --> 01:16:00,595 we started getting bored, sometimes we just started playing games. 1374 01:16:00,679 --> 01:16:02,556 I started doing impressions of Bill Clinton 1375 01:16:02,639 --> 01:16:04,767 and he started liking it. He was like, 1376 01:16:04,850 --> 01:16:07,686 [mimics Bill] "Oh, shit. That sounds just like me. That sounds-- 1377 01:16:09,188 --> 01:16:11,982 Oh, that sounds good, that sounds great. 1378 01:16:13,692 --> 01:16:15,152 I like that." 1379 01:16:17,863 --> 01:16:19,739 He invited me to Africa, man. He invited me, he said, 1380 01:16:19,824 --> 01:16:22,827 "Tucker, you wanna go to Africa with me? I think you'll like it. 1381 01:16:22,910 --> 01:16:25,329 You're black, I'm black. I think you'll like it. 1382 01:16:28,498 --> 01:16:31,751 Come on. It'll be fun, come on." 1383 01:16:32,711 --> 01:16:34,296 So I started doing impressions, man. 1384 01:16:34,379 --> 01:16:35,965 Everywhere we went, he wanted me to do him. 1385 01:16:36,048 --> 01:16:37,341 We're at little parties at night... 1386 01:16:37,424 --> 01:16:41,303 "Tucker, come, come do me. Come do me. Come on over here." 1387 01:16:42,304 --> 01:16:43,347 Every country we went to. 1388 01:16:43,430 --> 01:16:45,015 Finally, I got tired, we got to Nigeria 1389 01:16:45,099 --> 01:16:47,601 and he wanted me to do it in front of the president of Nigeria. 1390 01:16:47,684 --> 01:16:49,979 I was scared. Shit, if I mess it up, they'd put me in jail. 1391 01:16:50,062 --> 01:16:51,897 I just said, "No, not now." 1392 01:16:51,981 --> 01:16:55,150 And he said, "Tucker! Come on, come do me. Come do me. 1393 01:16:55,234 --> 01:16:56,360 Don't act like that, come on." 1394 01:16:56,443 --> 01:16:59,113 I said, "Mr. President, I'm tired, it's been a long trip. 1395 01:16:59,196 --> 01:17:02,032 -Maybe I won't do it this time." -"Tucker, come on now, I need you. 1396 01:17:02,116 --> 01:17:04,326 I set it up now. Come on, don't let me down. 1397 01:17:05,911 --> 01:17:07,537 You want a ride home, right, huh? 1398 01:17:09,414 --> 01:17:13,252 You wanna ride commercial or private? You let me know, Tucker. 1399 01:17:13,335 --> 01:17:17,172 That's a long-ass flight home, Tucker, that's a long flight." 1400 01:17:17,256 --> 01:17:18,798 [audience cheering] 1401 01:17:18,883 --> 01:17:20,759 Clinton got Barack elected! 1402 01:17:20,843 --> 01:17:21,886 Clinton came out there and said, 1403 01:17:21,969 --> 01:17:23,803 "I'm telling you right now, I'm going to tell you the truth. 1404 01:17:23,888 --> 01:17:26,390 You ain't gonna like this, I'm gonna tell you right now. 1405 01:17:26,473 --> 01:17:29,434 You won't be laughing after I say this." 1406 01:17:29,518 --> 01:17:31,311 And black people, we love Clinton 1407 01:17:31,395 --> 01:17:33,647 because Clinton knows how to break it down, we'd just be listening, 1408 01:17:33,730 --> 01:17:34,940 "God damn!" 1409 01:17:35,024 --> 01:17:36,901 We'll be listening like he ain't supposed to be telling us. 1410 01:17:36,984 --> 01:17:39,694 "Clinton, you ain't supposed to be telling that shit. 1411 01:17:39,778 --> 01:17:40,946 We aren't supposed to be hearing all this!" 1412 01:17:41,030 --> 01:17:43,448 "No, I'm going to tell you 'cause you need to know! 1413 01:17:45,117 --> 01:17:47,870 These Republicans are crazy as hell! 1414 01:17:47,953 --> 01:17:50,789 They tried to put me out of office. Shit! 1415 01:17:50,873 --> 01:17:53,167 And the economy was up! 1416 01:17:53,250 --> 01:17:56,753 They don't give a damn, that's what I'm trying to tell you. 1417 01:17:58,797 --> 01:18:00,966 I'm not bullshitting you." 1418 01:18:01,050 --> 01:18:02,342 [audience cheering] 1419 01:18:02,426 --> 01:18:03,427 He said... 1420 01:18:05,012 --> 01:18:06,931 [giggles] 1421 01:18:07,014 --> 01:18:10,225 He said, "Now, listen, if you're black, you should really hear this." 1422 01:18:12,352 --> 01:18:14,854 And black people were like, "What? What is it?" 1423 01:18:16,190 --> 01:18:17,983 "The Republicans are trying to bring back slavery, 1424 01:18:18,067 --> 01:18:20,444 I swear to God! I'm not lying to you!" 1425 01:18:20,527 --> 01:18:23,030 He know how to rattle us. "What?" 1426 01:18:24,949 --> 01:18:28,160 "Vote for Barack, I bullshit you not. Do it. 1427 01:18:29,453 --> 01:18:32,289 I told ya, I'm going to break it down today. 1428 01:18:32,372 --> 01:18:34,041 I'm not gonna lie to you." 1429 01:18:35,084 --> 01:18:39,504 He did good for Barack. Barack was like, "God damn, that was good. Shit. 1430 01:18:39,588 --> 01:18:42,257 Bill, that was a good-ass speech. 1431 01:18:42,341 --> 01:18:44,718 I thought you was running for president, God damn. 1432 01:18:46,678 --> 01:18:48,680 It was so good. [chuckles] 1433 01:18:48,763 --> 01:18:51,308 You made it hard for me. How the hell I'm-a follow that, Bill?" 1434 01:18:51,391 --> 01:18:53,768 [mimicking Bill] "Well, do what you gotta do, bro. 1435 01:18:57,356 --> 01:18:59,441 I told you I was going to set you up. 1436 01:19:01,068 --> 01:19:03,903 And that's what you wanted, that's what you asked. 1437 01:19:03,988 --> 01:19:06,031 You wanted four more years, you called on your boy Billy. 1438 01:19:06,115 --> 01:19:07,241 I'm gonna do it for you. 1439 01:19:07,324 --> 01:19:09,326 [audience cheering and applauding] 1440 01:19:10,369 --> 01:19:13,288 I'm gonna hook you up. I'll do it right here. 1441 01:19:13,372 --> 01:19:15,749 If I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do what I do. 1442 01:19:15,832 --> 01:19:17,626 I'm not gonna mess around with ya." 1443 01:19:18,793 --> 01:19:22,089 Barack was happy as hell. He came out there, "Give me five, yeah. 1444 01:19:25,050 --> 01:19:27,386 That's my boy, that's my boy right here. 1445 01:19:27,469 --> 01:19:29,471 That's my dawg, that's my dawg, right." 1446 01:19:31,098 --> 01:19:33,475 But Barack knew he was gonna get back in office when he got Bin Laden. 1447 01:19:33,558 --> 01:19:35,602 Remember when he got Bin Laden? He knew it! 1448 01:19:35,685 --> 01:19:38,522 He came out there, man, he was ready! 1449 01:19:38,605 --> 01:19:41,191 He was in front of the White House lawn, he was ready. 1450 01:19:41,275 --> 01:19:43,110 He said, "No, no. I got this. I got this. 1451 01:19:46,071 --> 01:19:49,491 Uh, America, la-di-da-di, we got Bin Laden. 1452 01:19:53,453 --> 01:19:55,205 Got his ass. We got him. 1453 01:19:55,289 --> 01:19:58,000 We got him yesterday in Pakistan, 0400 hours, 1454 01:19:58,083 --> 01:20:00,085 I sent the SEAL team over there to get him. 1455 01:20:00,169 --> 01:20:01,836 Matter of fact, I went with 'em. 1456 01:20:03,755 --> 01:20:07,259 And I saw him. I said, 'Look, there he is, right there, look at him. 1457 01:20:09,469 --> 01:20:13,640 In the window, fixin' breakfast and shit, like he ain't did nothing, look at him.' 1458 01:20:13,723 --> 01:20:15,475 I said, 'Give me the gun. I'll get him, I'm the president. 1459 01:20:15,559 --> 01:20:16,726 Shit, I'll go get him.' 1460 01:20:17,519 --> 01:20:20,272 So I went in and busted in there, I said, 'Bin Laden, la-di-da-di, bitch! 1461 01:20:20,355 --> 01:20:22,982 [imitating machine gun] 1462 01:20:23,067 --> 01:20:24,359 Let's get the hell out of here, come on. 1463 01:20:24,443 --> 01:20:28,072 Let's get on the plane. I got some chicken on this plane, come on, let's go. 1464 01:20:29,656 --> 01:20:32,034 Let's get the hell out of here. 1465 01:20:32,117 --> 01:20:34,119 Thought we forgot. Shit, no.'" 1466 01:20:35,995 --> 01:20:37,622 Barack couldn't believe he won the first time, 1467 01:20:37,706 --> 01:20:38,707 remember he won the first time? 1468 01:20:38,790 --> 01:20:40,625 He was like, "God damn, I won? Shit! 1469 01:20:42,836 --> 01:20:47,174 Oh, shit! I was just playing, God damn. What? 1470 01:20:48,467 --> 01:20:50,552 What the hell? Shit. 1471 01:20:51,470 --> 01:20:53,055 I was just bullshitting." 1472 01:20:55,182 --> 01:20:56,891 -"Mr. President, come this way." -"Who you talking to?" 1473 01:20:56,975 --> 01:20:58,893 -"You." -"Oh, shit, I'm sorry. 1474 01:20:58,977 --> 01:21:01,271 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Shit. 1475 01:21:01,355 --> 01:21:03,523 God damn, I gotta get this in my head. 1476 01:21:03,607 --> 01:21:05,067 God damn, I was-- 1477 01:21:05,150 --> 01:21:07,569 I just wanted to find something to do, God damn. 1478 01:21:08,612 --> 01:21:10,114 How am I gettin' around?" 1479 01:21:10,197 --> 01:21:11,573 "Air Force One is right over there, sir." 1480 01:21:11,656 --> 01:21:13,617 "God damn, I got a plane? Shit! 1481 01:21:15,327 --> 01:21:18,538 Baby, come look at this shit. Michelle, we got a plane. God damn. 1482 01:21:19,581 --> 01:21:21,333 Look at this! Sasha, Malia, go sit in captain's seat. 1483 01:21:21,416 --> 01:21:23,960 That's your daddy's plane. Go on up there. 1484 01:21:24,043 --> 01:21:27,464 I got a goddamn plane for wherever the hell we wanna go." 1485 01:21:27,547 --> 01:21:30,259 I love his walk. Barack even got that little African walk. 1486 01:21:32,344 --> 01:21:34,763 African-American, African walk. 1487 01:21:34,846 --> 01:21:37,599 He'll be walkin' and drums be going off. [beatboxing] 1488 01:21:40,102 --> 01:21:41,395 [vocalizing] 1489 01:21:55,074 --> 01:21:57,244 Barack ain't gonna put up with reporters yelling out no more, 1490 01:21:57,327 --> 01:21:58,453 he ain't gonna put up with that. 1491 01:21:58,537 --> 01:22:00,164 He was doing the first year, 1492 01:22:00,247 --> 01:22:02,582 they would say, "Mr. President, you're a liar!" 1493 01:22:02,666 --> 01:22:06,378 Barack was like, "Who said that shit? Who said that? Who said that? 1494 01:22:06,461 --> 01:22:09,923 Come down and slap the hell out of you, who said that shit? 1495 01:22:10,006 --> 01:22:12,592 Don't talk to me like that, I'm President of the United States. Shit. 1496 01:22:12,676 --> 01:22:15,679 I'm from South Side, Chicago. I'll come down and whoop that ass. 1497 01:22:16,846 --> 01:22:19,558 Come on, not this term, not this term. 1498 01:22:19,641 --> 01:22:21,601 I put up with that last term, not this year. 1499 01:22:21,685 --> 01:22:24,979 Not now. Not no more, I swear. 1500 01:22:25,063 --> 01:22:29,484 You're talking to Barry here, God damn it. Barry!" 1501 01:22:30,152 --> 01:22:31,361 Reporters are a trip, man. 1502 01:22:31,445 --> 01:22:34,113 These reporters be all over the place, man, they be... 1503 01:22:34,198 --> 01:22:36,575 White reporters will go anywhere. 1504 01:22:36,658 --> 01:22:40,995 You never see no black reporters over in these Lebanon and shit, we don't do that. 1505 01:22:42,914 --> 01:22:44,082 White reporters will be right over, 1506 01:22:44,166 --> 01:22:45,625 like Anderson Cooper, all of them be over there. 1507 01:22:45,709 --> 01:22:48,795 [mimicking Anderson] "We're right here and there's a bomb right behind me. 1508 01:22:50,755 --> 01:22:52,966 It just went off. My ass is hot. 1509 01:22:53,049 --> 01:22:54,801 I don't know how the hell... 1510 01:22:55,927 --> 01:22:58,638 Oh, my Lord. I don't know why I'm here." 1511 01:22:58,722 --> 01:22:59,764 We'll be on the TV, black people, 1512 01:22:59,848 --> 01:23:02,267 "What the hell are you doing over there, Anderson? 1513 01:23:02,351 --> 01:23:05,103 Get your ass out from over there! 1514 01:23:05,187 --> 01:23:08,147 I don't wanna see your ass get blown up! 1515 01:23:08,232 --> 01:23:11,401 Turn the channel, I don't wanna see this shit." 1516 01:23:11,485 --> 01:23:12,944 Black reporters, we don't be going over there. 1517 01:23:13,027 --> 01:23:15,947 They be trying to get us over there, we don't go over there. 1518 01:23:16,030 --> 01:23:18,367 That lady will be in the newsroom, CNN, and be like, 1519 01:23:18,450 --> 01:23:21,411 "We're about to go to Tyrone. 1520 01:23:25,039 --> 01:23:27,626 We're going to Tyrone in Libya. Tyrone? 1521 01:23:27,709 --> 01:23:29,669 What's going on over there in Libya? 1522 01:23:32,922 --> 01:23:34,591 Tyrone? 1523 01:23:36,134 --> 01:23:37,636 Where is he? 1524 01:23:37,719 --> 01:23:39,888 Where is he, he's not showing up here. Where is he? 1525 01:23:39,971 --> 01:23:40,972 Oh, there he is. 1526 01:23:41,055 --> 01:23:42,766 Tyrone! Hi, Tyrone. 1527 01:23:42,849 --> 01:23:45,269 What's going on in Libya?" 1528 01:23:45,352 --> 01:23:47,061 "I don't know." 1529 01:23:50,106 --> 01:23:52,276 "Tyrone, where are you?" 1530 01:23:52,359 --> 01:23:54,903 "I'm downstairs in the newsroom." 1531 01:24:01,868 --> 01:24:04,162 "Tyrone, aren't you supposed to be in Libya? 1532 01:24:05,955 --> 01:24:07,165 How come you're not there?" 1533 01:24:07,249 --> 01:24:09,376 "Same reason your ass ain't there, Kathy!" 1534 01:24:13,797 --> 01:24:15,257 "Tyrone, you're gonna get fired for this." 1535 01:24:15,340 --> 01:24:17,426 "I don't give a damn. I quit! Shit! 1536 01:24:17,509 --> 01:24:18,927 At least I'm alive!" 1537 01:24:19,010 --> 01:24:20,094 [chuckles] 1538 01:24:20,887 --> 01:24:22,764 Barack's the man, man! 1539 01:24:23,682 --> 01:24:26,310 You know, they try to get him, "Mr. President!" 1540 01:24:26,393 --> 01:24:28,770 He's too smart, he went to Harvard, you know he went to Harvard. 1541 01:24:28,853 --> 01:24:31,189 You couldn't catch him in nothin'. Barack never answer a question. 1542 01:24:31,273 --> 01:24:32,524 He always say, "Look." 1543 01:24:34,818 --> 01:24:36,570 That's all he say. He won't answer the question. 1544 01:24:36,653 --> 01:24:40,114 He avoid all of 'em, and he say, "And... and..." 1545 01:24:40,198 --> 01:24:42,409 He'll do some shit like this with his thumb, I don't know. 1546 01:24:42,492 --> 01:24:45,745 I think this means, "I'm-a kick your ass if you keep messing with me. 1547 01:24:45,829 --> 01:24:48,540 Keep saying some shit like that. Keep saying it. 1548 01:24:50,083 --> 01:24:51,335 Kick your ass." 1549 01:24:53,169 --> 01:24:54,963 He never answers. He always say, "Look." 1550 01:24:55,046 --> 01:24:56,423 If the reporter's like, "Mr. President, 1551 01:24:56,506 --> 01:25:00,009 what's going on with the job situation and the gas prices?" 1552 01:25:00,093 --> 01:25:01,803 "Well... well, see... 1553 01:25:02,762 --> 01:25:03,763 See, we... [stammers] 1554 01:25:03,847 --> 01:25:06,641 Well, look, we're looking into all that. 1555 01:25:06,725 --> 01:25:08,267 And we're gonna get to it. 1556 01:25:08,352 --> 01:25:10,395 We're gonna... we're gonna fix it." 1557 01:25:11,355 --> 01:25:12,647 And white reporters don't play that shit. 1558 01:25:12,731 --> 01:25:15,233 They be like, "Mr. President, what's this 'look' shit? 1559 01:25:16,275 --> 01:25:18,695 Answer the goddamn question!" 1560 01:25:21,365 --> 01:25:23,241 "Well, you see, you see what I'm talking about? 1561 01:25:23,325 --> 01:25:24,659 Y'all see this, right? 1562 01:25:24,743 --> 01:25:26,077 This is what I'm talking about. 1563 01:25:26,160 --> 01:25:29,706 We don't need this in this country and look at this shit-- 1564 01:25:29,789 --> 01:25:31,750 This press conference is over. You don't talk to me like that. 1565 01:25:31,833 --> 01:25:33,793 This shit is over. Look at that shit, it's over. 1566 01:25:33,877 --> 01:25:35,253 Get up on this thing, let's go up in this plane, 1567 01:25:35,337 --> 01:25:36,338 I got some chicken up on this plane. 1568 01:25:36,421 --> 01:25:39,007 Let's get the hell out of here. Come on." 1569 01:25:40,759 --> 01:25:43,762 He gonna be doin' what he wanna do now, he ain't gonna be hidin' nothin'. 1570 01:25:43,845 --> 01:25:46,390 Him and Michelle are gonna be fighting in front of the White House lawn, 1571 01:25:46,473 --> 01:25:47,891 it's gonna get crazy. 1572 01:25:47,974 --> 01:25:49,225 [audience applauding] 1573 01:25:53,980 --> 01:25:58,026 "That's okay, if she wanna go, let her go. Let her go, if she wanna go, let her go. 1574 01:26:00,362 --> 01:26:02,238 That's what she wanna do, let her go. 1575 01:26:02,321 --> 01:26:03,782 She can't take my helicopter, though. 1576 01:26:03,865 --> 01:26:07,326 Tell her take that station wagon she came from Harvard with, take that. 1577 01:26:09,871 --> 01:26:11,665 Gonna act like that? 1578 01:26:11,748 --> 01:26:13,792 You know, I got all this stuff on my back. 1579 01:26:13,875 --> 01:26:15,544 Matter of fact, if you wanna go, Michelle, take your mama. 1580 01:26:15,627 --> 01:26:18,212 Take your mama with you. Take your mama. 1581 01:26:18,296 --> 01:26:20,173 Sick of that. Don't wanna hear it no more. 1582 01:26:20,256 --> 01:26:23,968 Can't take my kids, though. Sasha and Malia are staying with me. 1583 01:26:26,262 --> 01:26:29,474 Wanna smoke a cigarette, I smoke when I want to. 1584 01:26:29,558 --> 01:26:30,809 Stressed out. 1585 01:26:32,226 --> 01:26:34,979 Take my helicopter... I need my motorcades and my helicopter. 1586 01:26:35,063 --> 01:26:37,148 I'm the president, I got shit to do." 1587 01:26:39,192 --> 01:26:40,860 You know they be fussing sometime, you know. 1588 01:26:40,944 --> 01:26:42,111 Barack be rushing her a little bit too much, 1589 01:26:42,195 --> 01:26:43,572 rushing Michelle onto Air Force One, 1590 01:26:43,655 --> 01:26:45,364 "Come on, babe, let's go. I got some chicken on the plane. 1591 01:26:45,449 --> 01:26:47,534 Let's get up here. Let's go." 1592 01:26:49,035 --> 01:26:50,036 You know, Michelle come back, 1593 01:26:50,119 --> 01:26:52,080 "Don't be rushing me. I don't work for you. Shit." 1594 01:26:58,795 --> 01:27:02,466 Barack come back, "Oh, baby, come on, it ain't like that, baby. Come on. 1595 01:27:02,549 --> 01:27:04,133 Why you so mad, baby? 1596 01:27:04,217 --> 01:27:05,635 What you gonna do? Divorce me? Take half the country? 1597 01:27:05,719 --> 01:27:06,761 Come on, baby, don't do that. 1598 01:27:11,433 --> 01:27:15,520 Take half the White House? Baby, come on, it's not that serious, don't do that." 1599 01:27:15,604 --> 01:27:19,774 Michelle come back, "Nobody want this broke-ass country." 1600 01:27:19,858 --> 01:27:22,110 [audience cheering and applauding] 1601 01:27:29,659 --> 01:27:31,453 [upbeat music playing] 1602 01:27:33,246 --> 01:27:35,915 Good night, Atlanta! I love you, God bless y'all! 1603 01:27:35,999 --> 01:27:37,917 [audience cheering uproariously] 1604 01:27:38,001 --> 01:27:41,045 [announcer] Atlanta, Georgia, give it up for your boy, 1605 01:27:41,129 --> 01:27:44,090 Mr. Chris Tucker! 1606 01:27:44,173 --> 01:27:46,300 Let him hear it, Atlanta. 1607 01:27:59,147 --> 01:28:02,150 I am a black Arab. Oh, shit! 1608 01:28:02,233 --> 01:28:03,610 [men laughing] 1609 01:28:05,194 --> 01:28:06,780 [inaudible] 1610 01:28:09,699 --> 01:28:10,784 -Thanks so much. -Pleasure to meet you. 1611 01:28:12,577 --> 01:28:14,704 Thanks so much. See you guys, man. 1612 01:28:14,788 --> 01:28:15,830 Here, here! 1613 01:28:15,914 --> 01:28:18,124 -Where's Jackie? Where's Jackie? -He's in Hong Kong. 1614 01:28:18,207 --> 01:28:20,334 We are all sheikhs. 1615 01:28:20,418 --> 01:28:21,419 This is Sheikh Terry. 1616 01:28:21,503 --> 01:28:24,255 He's so rich, he don't even know how rich he is. 1617 01:28:24,338 --> 01:28:26,299 That's how rich he is. 1618 01:28:26,382 --> 01:28:28,009 How many oil fields do you have? 1619 01:28:28,092 --> 01:28:29,260 -I don't know. -[chuckles] 1620 01:28:29,343 --> 01:28:31,680 He's so rich, he don't like to count his money. 1621 01:28:31,763 --> 01:28:35,058 This is Tony. He's so rich, he doesn't even talk. 1622 01:28:35,141 --> 01:28:37,852 He doesn't talk, he's that rich. 1623 01:28:37,936 --> 01:28:39,938 He don't-- How rich are you? 1624 01:28:44,400 --> 01:28:46,027 I'm rich, too. I have to admit. 1625 01:28:46,110 --> 01:28:47,737 But not like these guys. 1626 01:28:47,821 --> 01:28:50,031 Okay, okay, I am. I own these guys. 1627 01:28:57,038 --> 01:29:01,918 You see my Nikes. I love Americans. Some stuff American, some stuff. 1628 01:29:07,006 --> 01:29:08,758 Abu Dhabi desert, baby! 1629 01:29:08,842 --> 01:29:09,884 [speaking imitation Arabic] 1630 01:29:10,468 --> 01:29:12,345 [singing in imitation Arabic] 1631 01:29:28,987 --> 01:29:32,741 That camel said, "God damn! Who the hell is on my back?" 1632 01:29:32,824 --> 01:29:34,117 He said, "Who? 1633 01:29:34,200 --> 01:29:37,453 Who had those church shoes on, on my back? Look at his shoes." 1634 01:29:37,536 --> 01:29:38,913 [men laughing] 1635 01:29:40,123 --> 01:29:41,165 Bond. 1636 01:29:42,917 --> 01:29:44,335 James Bond. 1637 01:29:45,169 --> 01:29:47,588 I'm Sheikh Tucker. 1638 01:29:47,672 --> 01:29:50,424 With my Nikes on. 1639 01:29:50,508 --> 01:29:52,301 Sheikh Tucker wears Nikes. 1640 01:29:53,678 --> 01:29:58,516 ♪ We're gettin' Arab money Sheikh, Sheikh Tucker ♪ 1641 01:29:58,599 --> 01:29:59,809 -You ready? -We're ready. 1642 01:29:59,893 --> 01:30:00,894 You ready? 1643 01:30:00,977 --> 01:30:01,978 -Okay! -You don't talk! 1644 01:30:02,061 --> 01:30:03,104 -I'm ready. -He's not supposed to talk! 1645 01:30:03,187 --> 01:30:04,773 He talked! I can't believe he talked! 1646 01:30:04,856 --> 01:30:06,983 He must be excited. Let's go. 1647 01:30:07,066 --> 01:30:08,609 [men laughing] 1648 01:30:16,450 --> 01:30:19,453 Taking advantage of every moment. Every minute. 1649 01:30:19,537 --> 01:30:20,955 Every hour. 1650 01:30:21,039 --> 01:30:23,124 Money is not everything. 1651 01:30:23,207 --> 01:30:25,501 Money do not bring you happiness. 1652 01:30:26,544 --> 01:30:28,797 It only brings you trouble. 1653 01:30:36,345 --> 01:30:38,848 Oh, shit! God damn, he's tall! 1654 01:31:03,832 --> 01:31:07,418 -Singapore! Singapore! -Whoo-hoo! 1655 01:31:10,379 --> 01:31:11,589 [indistinct chatter] 1656 01:31:11,672 --> 01:31:12,882 [woman giggling] 1657 01:31:28,231 --> 01:31:29,232 Whoo-hoo! 1658 01:31:29,315 --> 01:31:31,776 [Chris in Australian accent] Here in Australia! Down under! 1659 01:31:31,860 --> 01:31:33,277 Come with me again... 1660 01:31:33,361 --> 01:31:35,905 ♪ To the land down under ♪