1 00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:26,483 (♪ energetic pop) 2 00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:29,236 (man) Tired of the same old you? 3 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:33,407 Tired of being out of shape and out of luck with the opposite sex? 4 00:00:33,491 --> 00:00:37,119 Tired of being overweight and under-attractive? 5 00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:38,746 Yeah! 6 00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:40,581 Oh, hello. 7 00:00:40,665 --> 00:00:46,211 I'm White Goodman, owner, operator and founder of Globo Gym America Corp. 8 00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:50,382 I'm here to tell ya that you don't have to be stuck with what you've got. 9 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:53,010 Hey, Rory. Looking good. 10 00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:58,640 At Globo Gym we understand that "ugliness" and "fatness" are genetic disorders, 11 00:00:58,683 --> 00:01:01,060 much like baldness or necrophilia, 12 00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:05,314 and it's only your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it. 13 00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:09,151 That's where we come in. (laughs) 14 00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:12,488 Globo Gym employs a highly trained, quasi-cultural staff 15 00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:15,532 of personal alteration specialists. 16 00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:18,577 With our competitively priced onsite cosmetic surgery, 17 00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:21,872 we can turn that Frankenstein you see in the mirror every morning 18 00:01:21,956 --> 00:01:24,041 into a Franken-fine! 19 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:27,002 Of course, you'll still be you in a legal sense, 20 00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,797 but think of it as a thinner, more attractive, better you 21 00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:31,965 than you could ever become without us. 22 00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:35,969 How do I know? Well, I'm not only the founder of Globo Gym, 23 00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:38,055 I'm also a client. 24 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:45,687 That's me, six years and 600lbs ago, before I knew how much I hated myself. 25 00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:48,357 That all changed once I founded Globo Gym. 26 00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:55,197 But don't just take my word for it. Listen to these Globo gymers tell you how it is... 27 00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:01,370 That feels good. 28 00:02:01,412 --> 00:02:04,832 Oh, the tickle machine. (giggles) 29 00:02:07,001 --> 00:02:09,211 Crash, no! Crash, out! 30 00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:11,797 Bad dog. No grundle. 31 00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:16,260 Come on down and join the winning team, 32 00:02:16,344 --> 00:02:19,596 because here at Globo Gym, we're better than you. 33 00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:21,890 And we know it. 34 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,059 Spare me. 35 00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:35,821 Mr La Fleur, this is Doris from the Department of Water and Power. 36 00:02:35,905 --> 00:02:39,366 We've been trying to reach you, but your phone was disconnected. 37 00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:42,995 We'll be shutting off your water and power at 5pm today 38 00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:45,289 due to an eight-month overdue account. 39 00:02:45,373 --> 00:02:48,500 - Thank you and have a nice day. - (beep) 40 00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:52,796 This is Seth from Videorama. The following DVDs are now overdue. 41 00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:59,094 "Drunken Hussies 3", "Backdoor Patrol 5" and "Mona Lisa Smile". Thank you. 42 00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:17,487 Come on, baby, be there. Be there. 43 00:03:19,115 --> 00:03:21,200 (engine starts) 44 00:03:24,078 --> 00:03:27,706 It's gonna be a good day. I'm proud of you. 45 00:03:30,501 --> 00:03:32,586 (car creaks) 46 00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:44,348 (La Fleur) We're just around the corner. My gym's here. I promise we're almost there. 47 00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:46,308 You guys are lifesavers. 48 00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:49,436 I appreciate the effort. Don't pull a hammy over it. 49 00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:58,403 Gimme that garbage. Shouldn't you be on a treadmill? 50 00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:03,325 - Buenas días, O. - Hey, Peter. 51 00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:07,162 - How's my little tax shelter this morning? - Everything's shipshape. 52 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:10,666 Don't hold out on me. What's happening? 53 00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:15,837 It's just... I'm trying this new voicemail-dating thing. 54 00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:20,259 And, like, no one's even left me a message, and it's been almost two months. 55 00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:22,928 There's someone out there for everybody. 56 00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:24,680 - You think? - Absolutely. 57 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:29,476 In some cases, there's two somebodies for one person. I like to call that "the jackpot". 58 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:31,645 See you later, dater. 59 00:04:33,564 --> 00:04:35,607 - Hey, Peter. - Hey, Gordon. 60 00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:38,110 - I'm wailing on my glutes. - Sounds great. 61 00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:42,406 I'm gonna shock the biceps later, then some cardio. Keep the body guessing. 62 00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:46,868 - I like to keep my body guessing. - Sure. I wanted to ask you something. 63 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:49,663 - Did you catch the game last night? - Can I say yes? 64 00:04:49,747 --> 00:04:52,374 Amateur curling championships on ESPN8. 65 00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:55,877 - I had no idea. - You missed a doozy. Really great stuff. 66 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,880 I feel dumb for asking, but how did you hear about it? 67 00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:02,718 - OSQ. Obscure Sports Quarterly. - Of course, the OSQ. 68 00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:05,470 Started reading it in college, for the chicks. 69 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:08,223 - I'm glad that worked out for you. - Thanks, Peter. 70 00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:10,892 - Bye. - Love the orange and love the headphones. 71 00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:13,562 When I come back, I want you on a different machine. 72 00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:18,275 Ow! Ow! 73 00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:21,653 - You need a spot? - I'm cool, Pete. 74 00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:24,698 OK, come on. Let's get this out of here. You OK? 75 00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:29,077 - You're like a human Chinese puzzle. - Thanks, Pete. 76 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,496 All that weight is dangerous. 77 00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:36,126 It'll be worth it when I make the cheerleading squad. Prove to Amber that I'm not a loser. 78 00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:41,006 Hang on a second. You wanna become a cheerleader to prove you are not a loser? 79 00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:43,592 Yeah. Why? 80 00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:46,470 Nothing. High school's changed a bit since I was a kid. 81 00:05:46,554 --> 00:05:50,599 Plus, all anyone ever remembers is what happened at last year's tryouts. 82 00:05:50,641 --> 00:05:52,726 I'm the laughing stock of the school. 83 00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:57,981 I'm sure it's not that big of a deal. What happened at last year's tryouts? 84 00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:01,151 Justin Redmond. Ready and super-psyched. 85 00:06:01,694 --> 00:06:04,905 - Hey, Amber. - Hi, Justin. Good luck. 86 00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:08,909 Good luck... to you, making your judgments. 87 00:06:08,951 --> 00:06:12,579 And from the girls' line, we need girl number... 88 00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:15,207 00, Martha Johnstone! 89 00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,000 (shrieks) 90 00:06:18,252 --> 00:06:20,420 Whoa! 91 00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:22,631 Whoa! 92 00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:25,175 Toss to hands, liberty and cradle out, OK? 93 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,887 I'm not wearing any panties. 94 00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:33,308 Ready? One, two... 95 00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:38,271 Liberty, ready? 96 00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:52,869 - Dude. - (girl) Can he breathe? 97 00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:01,211 - Wow. - Yeah. 98 00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:05,924 - It was the worst. - Don't worry about this Amber situation. 99 00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:09,136 - It'll all work itself out in the end. - Thanks, Pete. 100 00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:11,513 You'll laugh at this one day. I'm laughing. 101 00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:14,766 Go at your own pace. That's what it's there for. 102 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,768 (yells) 103 00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:20,647 - Who goes there? - It's me. It's Peter. 104 00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:23,859 Oh. 105 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:28,196 'Tis about the matter of payment for me membership. 106 00:07:28,322 --> 00:07:30,323 Steve be a touch short this month. 107 00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:32,534 That's all right. Just pay me when you get the money. 108 00:07:32,618 --> 00:07:37,038 The dread pirate Steve be in no man's debt. I'll make a barter with you. 109 00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:43,086 In exchange for your kindness, I'll be splitting me buried treasure with you. 110 00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:45,213 Once I find it, that be. 111 00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:50,552 I'm flattered by the gesture, but a couple of bucks here and there will be fine. 112 00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:52,721 Thanks, Peter. 113 00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:55,474 - I'll be on the StairMaster. - OK, Steve. 114 00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:59,644 - Next time, maybe just say "hello". - Gar! 115 00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,569 Hello. 116 00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:10,572 It's not my birthday till next month, but terrific. 117 00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:12,908 I'm so sorry. Hi. 118 00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:16,912 I'm Katherine Veatch with Hawthorne Stone. 119 00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:20,081 - Your bank? - Right. My bank. 120 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:24,669 - You are very attractive for a banker. - Thank you. I'm not a banker, I'm a lawyer. 121 00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:28,381 Really? What kind of law are you involved in, pretty eyes? 122 00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:30,967 - Sexual harassment, mostly. - Oh. 123 00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:35,263 But I also handle real estate and tax law, which is why I'm here. 124 00:08:35,389 --> 00:08:38,850 - This place is in default? - No. You're in foreclosure. 125 00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:41,937 You were in default when we sent you delinquency notices. 126 00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:45,190 - I thought those were just warnings. - They were warnings. 127 00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:50,195 No one warned me. What happens now? I make my payments out to somebody else? 128 00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:53,990 You have 30 days to pay the balance of your mortgage, or you lose your gym. 129 00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:57,702 Perfect. What's the damage? What do I owe you? 130 00:08:57,787 --> 00:08:59,538 $50,000. 131 00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:06,086 Personal cheque gonna be OK? Might have to wait till the end of the month to cash her? 132 00:09:06,128 --> 00:09:10,757 I do have to switch some funds. The charity I like to work with is gonna take a hit. 133 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:14,302 Mr La Fleur, I can assure you this is a very serious situation. 134 00:09:14,428 --> 00:09:18,139 Yeah. This is extremely serious, Mrs Veatch. 135 00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:23,603 It's Ms. I'll need to review all of your financial statements and assess any tax liabilities. 136 00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:26,606 Absolutely. I don't know how you say "Ms" for "Mr", 137 00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:29,484 but if there was a "Ms Mr", I'm a Ms as well. 138 00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:34,531 You do keep financial records? Invoices, revenue reports, taxable income. 139 00:09:34,615 --> 00:09:37,867 You kidding? I got a closet full of 'em. I call 'em keepers. 140 00:09:42,623 --> 00:09:46,459 - Problem is I've never really filed them. - No kidding. 141 00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:50,005 Just out of curiosity, who would want to buy this place anyway? 142 00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:52,882 Come on, squeeze it, squeeze it. 143 00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:56,928 Yeah, come on, come on. Get it up. 144 00:09:57,013 --> 00:10:00,473 - One more, bitch! One more, bitch! - Aaargh! Whoo! 145 00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:03,351 Yeah! Yeah! 146 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,937 - Now you're my bitch! - Yeah! 147 00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:10,692 Yeah, baby! 148 00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:14,571 Involuntary spasm. Look at the show. Enjoy the show. 149 00:10:14,655 --> 00:10:16,531 Whoo! 150 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:20,619 This a bad time? I could come back. Looks like some real dude sweat going on. 151 00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:25,081 Add three pounds to the scales in the women's locker room before you go home. 152 00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:30,003 Refreshment? I've got protein paste, carb laxative... 153 00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:34,257 - Oh! Suffocated kumquat, perhaps? - I'm trying to cut down on those. 154 00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:37,052 - They're good. They are good. - Know what you mean. 155 00:10:37,094 --> 00:10:39,220 Walk with me. 156 00:10:42,516 --> 00:10:45,977 Hey, Brianna. Cellulite seminar tomorrow, 0600. 157 00:10:46,562 --> 00:10:50,148 Nice job, Susie. You call that a sit-up? 158 00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:52,734 Don't slack, Trevor. I'm watching you. 159 00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:54,569 There's a good energy in the gym. 160 00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,571 Let me guess why you're here, Pete. 161 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:59,574 Because I bought out the second mortgage on your gym. 162 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:04,746 You've got 30 days to make $50,000, or your gym becomes my gym. 163 00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:07,040 I know we've had our differences... 164 00:11:07,124 --> 00:11:10,877 Is that what you call sleeping with three of my female trainers? 165 00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:12,003 It was one night. 166 00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:15,590 Or the strip-o-gram you sent me for the Globo Gym one-year anniversary? 167 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:19,094 - It was meant to be congratulatory. - It was also a man. 168 00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:21,471 Let's not get hung up on details. 169 00:11:21,555 --> 00:11:24,182 - We're both professionals. - Oh, really? 170 00:11:24,266 --> 00:11:27,352 Last I heard, my gym makes money. Yours doesn't. 171 00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:31,272 My gym's worth over $4 million. Your gym isn't worth four. 172 00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:35,735 I have shareholders. You haven't even got... cupholders. 173 00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:38,154 - Why would I want cupholders? - The point is 174 00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:41,282 Globo Gym is a beacon of human physical perfection. 175 00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,451 A benchmark in the fitness community. 176 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:48,498 Your "gym" is a skid mark on the underpants of society. 177 00:11:48,624 --> 00:11:53,253 See, Peter, I wasn't born expecting the world to do me any favours. 178 00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:56,464 I earned this body and I built this temple 179 00:11:56,507 --> 00:12:00,218 out of nothing more than a little can-do attitude and elbow grease. 180 00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:03,221 And a large inheritance from my father, Earl Goodman. 181 00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:09,436 So if I choose to level Average Joe's to build a parking structure for my members, so be it. 182 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,771 There's nothing you can do about it. 183 00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:16,943 In 30 days, I'll be bulldozing that shit-heap you call a gym into permanent nothingness. 184 00:12:17,027 --> 00:12:22,407 I can only hope that you, and the mongrel race that comprise your membership, 185 00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:25,160 are inside it when I do. 186 00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:28,079 Show Mr La Fleur out. 187 00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:30,206 Turn it up high, Reggie. 188 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,668 I wanna burn. 189 00:12:35,504 --> 00:12:40,425 So that's the deal. We got 30 days to raise $50,000, or Average Joe's is history. 190 00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:43,052 I got ten minutes. I'll open it up to some Q&A. 191 00:12:44,388 --> 00:12:48,141 No need to raise your hands, it's an open forum. OK, Owen, kick us off. 192 00:12:48,225 --> 00:12:52,020 Yes, Peter, - and I'm just spitballing here - 193 00:12:52,062 --> 00:12:56,733 but why don't we pay it off in Canadian dollars and save some money? 194 00:12:56,859 --> 00:13:00,987 Just so you know, if that's a route you want to follow, it's 50,000 American. 195 00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:04,491 It would be 70,000, roughly, Canadian dollars. 196 00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:09,662 - How are we gonna come up with $120,000? - Owen, you don't add them together. 197 00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:14,042 Technically, Peter, I'm sorry to say this, but it's more like $73,313... 198 00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:17,837 It doesn't matter. We can't come up with $50,000. We're screwed. 199 00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:19,756 Gar. 200 00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:25,178 - It's an insurmountable amount of money. - No, it's not insurmountable. Come on! 201 00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:28,264 We can't just sit back and let Globo Gym take us over. 202 00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:31,434 Average Joe's is too important. 203 00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:33,812 Where do you go when your wife changes the locks? 204 00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:35,855 - Average Joe's. - Right. 205 00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:39,818 Dwight, Owen, what will you do if Joe's goes under? Work at the airport? 206 00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:43,822 - I ain't working at no airport again. - No! Cos you hated it. 207 00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:48,201 And, Steve, where do you go to do... whatever it is that you do? 208 00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:52,747 - Gar. Joe's be the only place for Steve. - Gar! You're right! 209 00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:57,669 Do you see? There's no way I can go back to working out at my high school. 210 00:13:57,753 --> 00:14:01,506 They'd laugh at me there. Lock me in lockers, make me eat clay. 211 00:14:01,590 --> 00:14:04,551 But not here, not at Joe's. 212 00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:09,556 I need this place. You guys need this place. Come on! 213 00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:14,978 I got it. I know how we can raise the money. 214 00:14:15,062 --> 00:14:17,689 - How? - Car wash! 215 00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:19,524 Ha ha ha! 216 00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:22,235 (♪ "Milkshake" by Kelis) 217 00:14:34,164 --> 00:14:37,750 What are the chances? Same day, right across the street? 218 00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:39,711 The girls beat us fair and square. 219 00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:45,842 I am gonna be a gentleman about it and congratulate every one of them, personally. 220 00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:50,555 Guys! Not to be a nay-sayer or anything, but the only customer we've had 221 00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:55,184 is that weird guy who keeps paying Justin to wash his truck. 222 00:14:57,187 --> 00:14:59,230 (dog growls) 223 00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:05,194 That's it, boy. Get in there nice and deep, like. 224 00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:10,491 - That's not good. - Gar. This sucks. 225 00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:19,584 Aagh! 226 00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:24,797 Relax, Justin, it's just a cutout. 227 00:15:25,799 --> 00:15:29,260 (White) At Globo Gym, we're better than you and we know it. 228 00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:32,221 Sign up now. 229 00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:34,557 Do you smell that fitness? I do. 230 00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:37,101 Rock it and shock it, baby. 231 00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:39,228 You gotta burn it to earn it! 232 00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:43,274 - What's in the envelope? - Free 30-day memberships to Globo Gym. 233 00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:47,195 - Cool. - It's a joke. He sent it to us as an insult. 234 00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:51,240 Maybe we could sell 'em for cash cos the car wash cost us money. 235 00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:53,910 - We're further away from saving this place? - Yes. 236 00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:56,621 - We'll never raise enough money. - This blows. 237 00:15:56,705 --> 00:15:58,706 Guys, I know this is tough to take, 238 00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:02,877 but if an impromptu car wash doesn't raise us the $50,000 we need, 239 00:16:03,003 --> 00:16:05,129 I guess it just isn't in the cards. 240 00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:11,636 Trust me here. If there was any way in the world we could raise $50,000 in 30 days, 241 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,055 short of robbing a bank, I'd do it. 242 00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:16,432 - We could sell blood and semen. - Gar. 243 00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:18,351 What? Not mixed together. 244 00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:20,645 Guys, I love the enthusiasm, 245 00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:24,190 I love the energy here, but we're looking at this the wrong way. 246 00:16:24,274 --> 00:16:26,943 Let's celebrate the good times that was Joe's. 247 00:16:27,027 --> 00:16:30,446 We gotta start looking at this Irish-wake style. 248 00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:37,370 Let me be the first to say goodbye to Average Joe's. 249 00:16:37,454 --> 00:16:41,582 We gave it a hell of a run, guys. Now let's try to have some fun. 250 00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:45,128 I'm gonna put on "The Thong Song", and we'll tear this place apart. 251 00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:47,547 Wait, wait! Peter! Peter! 252 00:16:48,215 --> 00:16:50,466 We could play dodgeball. 253 00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:55,221 That's very nice, Gordon, but everyone's tired. Playing a game isn't gonna help. 254 00:16:55,305 --> 00:17:01,060 There's a tournament in Las Vegas. I feel so dumb I didn't think about it before. 255 00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:04,147 I read about the Las Vegas International Dodgeball Open 256 00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:06,441 every year in Obscure Sports Quarterly. 257 00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:09,193 Of course. That's a totally common thing. 258 00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:13,531 The best part is it's open to any team that wins a regional qualifying match. 259 00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:19,412 - How is dodgeball gonna get us the $50,000? - They have a cash prize for the winner. 260 00:17:19,496 --> 00:17:22,457 - How much? - $50,000. 261 00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:25,710 Guys, we are not gonna get $50,000 for playing dodgeball. 262 00:17:25,794 --> 00:17:28,963 - Why not? - None of us know how to play dodgeball. 263 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:33,634 I do. We played it in PE last year. They showed us this film about it. 264 00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:37,055 - Can you get your hands on that film? - Sure, I guess. 265 00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:39,807 Can we please try to be serious here for one second? 266 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:45,229 You said anything we could do to raise the money. This is that anything. This is it. 267 00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:48,733 Come on, show of hands. Who wants to play dodgeball? 268 00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:51,819 Come on. 269 00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:57,784 - Come on, Pete. - (sighs) 270 00:17:57,868 --> 00:18:01,162 You guys had me at blood and semen. Come here. 271 00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:07,960 You want it, don't you, fat boy? 272 00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:10,004 You want that doughnut. 273 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,882 Go ahead and have a bite. 274 00:18:12,966 --> 00:18:16,928 Just a little bite. One little bite won't hurt you. 275 00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:19,597 (buzzing) 276 00:18:20,974 --> 00:18:21,891 (buzzing stops) 277 00:18:22,309 --> 00:18:24,185 (White) Oh, momma. 278 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:29,816 - Sir, Katherine Veatch is here to see you. - Give me 30 seconds and send her in. 279 00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:31,442 Yes, sir. 280 00:18:46,875 --> 00:18:48,960 Thank you. 281 00:18:54,091 --> 00:18:58,386 Oh, hello, Katherine. Good to see you. I didn't know you were dropping by. 282 00:18:58,470 --> 00:19:02,056 - You asked me to come over. - Did I? 283 00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:06,185 Are you... reading the dictionary? 284 00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:11,482 You caught me. I like to break a mental sweat too. Grab a chair. 285 00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:17,738 So, I trust everything's going swimmingly with our acquisition of Average Joe's? 286 00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:22,577 So far, yeah. There's a lot to do over there, so I should probably get back. 287 00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:26,664 - That is a really interesting painting. - Oh, thank you. 288 00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:32,211 Yeah, that's me, taking the bull by the horns. It's how I handle my business. 289 00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:34,422 It's a metaphor. 290 00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:38,718 - I get it. - But that actually happened, though. 291 00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:43,848 Anyway, we're a pretty tight-knit tribe here, but there's always room for one more squaw. 292 00:19:43,932 --> 00:19:48,102 So, please, whatever you do, don't think of me as your boss. 293 00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,771 - I don't. - I don't want to get into a formal thing. 294 00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:52,940 I'm White, you know. 295 00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,901 W- h-i-t. 296 00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:58,321 E. 297 00:19:58,405 --> 00:20:01,115 Thanks, Mr Goodman, but I'm contracted by the bank. 298 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,367 They just assigned me to your account. 299 00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:09,457 Right, well. You work for the bank. Bank works for me so, ipso facto, I'm your boss. 300 00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:15,796 Point is, I would love to see your pretty little bone structure around here some more. 301 00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:18,049 There's no reason we need to be shackled 302 00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:22,345 by the strictures of the employee-employer relationship. 303 00:20:22,429 --> 00:20:25,014 Unless you're into that sort of thing. 304 00:20:25,098 --> 00:20:27,892 In which case, I got some shackles in the back. 305 00:20:27,976 --> 00:20:31,687 I'm just kidding. But seriously, I've got 'em. 306 00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:34,523 I'm just doing my job, Mr Goodman. 307 00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:39,946 In fact, I actually prefer it over there. 308 00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:43,908 Really? You like it with those freaks over there in Loser-Town? 309 00:20:43,992 --> 00:20:47,245 They're not freaks. They're people, just like you and me. 310 00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:50,831 People? 311 00:20:50,874 --> 00:20:53,501 "People, just like you and me. " Oh, man! 312 00:20:53,543 --> 00:20:57,380 That is what I love about you, Kate. You've got a "personality". 313 00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:05,680 That is rich. A real sauciness that I find extremely attractive. 314 00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:10,017 We should mate. 315 00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:11,894 - What? - Date. 316 00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:15,064 We should date some time. Socially. Go out and kick it. 317 00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:20,194 - Are you OK? - I'm fine. I just, uh, 318 00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,321 threw up in my mouth a little bit. 319 00:21:23,490 --> 00:21:26,826 In some cultures, they only eat vomit. 320 00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:30,746 I never been there but I read about it... in a book. 321 00:21:30,831 --> 00:21:34,583 I'm sorry, Mr Goodman. I don't date clients. 322 00:21:36,253 --> 00:21:38,045 I get it. 323 00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:41,716 Don't crap where you eat. I understand. 324 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:45,678 Me'Shell. Please escort Ms Veatch out. 325 00:21:46,596 --> 00:21:48,556 Oh! And, Katherine. 326 00:21:48,598 --> 00:21:51,559 Make sure my acquisition of that gym goes smoothly. 327 00:21:51,601 --> 00:21:54,895 They're up to something over there. I can smell it. 328 00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:01,277 (hiss of air) 329 00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:08,075 (presenter) Über-American Instructional films, teaching America's youth since 1938. 330 00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:16,709 Hey, there, Timmy! 331 00:22:16,793 --> 00:22:20,546 Holy mackerel, mister! You scared the jeepers out of me. 332 00:22:20,630 --> 00:22:24,508 How'd you like to take a break from that fine lead-based paint, 333 00:22:24,593 --> 00:22:26,010 and learn about dodgeball? 334 00:22:26,094 --> 00:22:27,970 Boy, would I! 335 00:22:30,265 --> 00:22:31,807 Wow! 336 00:22:31,892 --> 00:22:35,227 - Where am I, mister? - You're in a Chinese opium den, Timmy. 337 00:22:35,312 --> 00:22:38,814 This is where dodgeball was invented in the 15th century, 338 00:22:38,899 --> 00:22:41,233 by opium-addicted Chinamen. 339 00:22:41,318 --> 00:22:44,820 Back then, the Chinamen threw severed human heads at each other 340 00:22:44,946 --> 00:22:48,282 instead of the ADAA-approved balls we use today. 341 00:22:50,869 --> 00:22:51,952 ADAA? 342 00:22:52,037 --> 00:22:55,790 That's the American Dodgeball Association of America. 343 00:22:55,832 --> 00:23:01,379 Dodgeball is played with six players on each team, and six rubber balls. 344 00:23:01,463 --> 00:23:04,757 The object of the game is to eliminate the opposing players. 345 00:23:04,841 --> 00:23:09,345 Once all the players on one team are eliminated, the opposing team wins. 346 00:23:09,429 --> 00:23:13,516 Wow! I can't wait to get the fellas together and play. 347 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,393 (man) Whoa, whoa! 348 00:23:15,477 --> 00:23:18,396 Hang on a second there, sport. 349 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:21,607 - Patches O'Houlihan! - (presenter) That's right, Timmy. 350 00:23:21,691 --> 00:23:27,738 Patches O'Houlihan. Seven-time ADAA All-Star is here to take you the rest of the way. 351 00:23:27,823 --> 00:23:31,492 - Jeepers. Really? - You betcha, champ. 352 00:23:31,910 --> 00:23:35,955 If you catch a ball that's thrown at you before it hits the ground, 353 00:23:36,039 --> 00:23:39,417 the player who threw that ball is out, not you. 354 00:23:39,501 --> 00:23:44,338 Plus, another player from your team gets to come back into the game. 355 00:23:44,423 --> 00:23:47,967 - It's a two-player swing. - Gee! Thanks, Patches. 356 00:23:48,051 --> 00:23:50,928 I can't wait to start my own team at school. 357 00:23:51,012 --> 00:23:53,180 Attaboy, Tiger. 358 00:23:53,223 --> 00:23:58,894 But remember, dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion and degradation. 359 00:23:59,020 --> 00:24:02,189 So, when you're picking players in gym class, 360 00:24:02,274 --> 00:24:06,444 remember to pick the bigger, stronger kids for your team. 361 00:24:06,528 --> 00:24:12,116 That way, you can all gang up on the weaker ones, like Winston here. 362 00:24:17,122 --> 00:24:20,040 Nice one, son. You'll be an all-star yet. 363 00:24:20,125 --> 00:24:23,711 Just remember the five Ds of dodgeball. 364 00:24:23,795 --> 00:24:26,589 Dodge, duck, dip, dive and... 365 00:24:26,673 --> 00:24:28,299 dodge. 366 00:24:28,383 --> 00:24:31,427 Till next time. This is Patches O'Houlihan, 367 00:24:31,511 --> 00:24:36,265 saying, "Take care of your balls and they'll take care of you. " 368 00:24:37,893 --> 00:24:40,728 OK, guys. Any questions? Great. 369 00:24:40,770 --> 00:24:45,649 I signed us up for the sub-regional qualifier tomorrow at the Waldorf rec centre. 370 00:24:45,734 --> 00:24:47,693 But we haven't even practised yet. 371 00:24:47,777 --> 00:24:51,614 We have to qualify for the Vegas Open. Tomorrow's regional's our last chance. 372 00:24:51,740 --> 00:24:57,161 Everyone, just relax. I've always found the best way to learn a sport is by playing it. 373 00:24:57,245 --> 00:25:00,080 If anyone needs me, I'll be in my office doing Mad Libs. 374 00:25:00,123 --> 00:25:02,416 Thanks, Peter. Appreciate that a lot. 375 00:25:02,542 --> 00:25:04,418 OK, I think everybody knows... 376 00:25:07,923 --> 00:25:12,051 - Don't you have an office of your own? - Yes, I do have an office. 377 00:25:12,135 --> 00:25:14,970 A very nice office with a view and air-conditioning. 378 00:25:15,055 --> 00:25:18,390 - Rub it in. - What I don't have in my office is a closet 379 00:25:18,475 --> 00:25:23,437 of 30 years of financial transactions, devoid of any filing system known to man. 380 00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:27,483 Hard to believe I only got a semester of junior college under my belt. 381 00:25:27,567 --> 00:25:32,571 Do you realise you haven't collected any membership fees in 13 months? 382 00:25:32,656 --> 00:25:36,659 I'm curious. Is it strictly apathy, or do you really not have a goal in life? 383 00:25:36,743 --> 00:25:40,496 I found that if you have a goal, you might not reach it. 384 00:25:40,580 --> 00:25:44,250 But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed. 385 00:25:44,334 --> 00:25:48,796 I gotta tell you, it feels phenomenal. 386 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:52,174 I guess that makes sense, in a really sad way. 387 00:25:52,259 --> 00:25:55,010 Sad? You wanna know what's sad? 388 00:25:55,095 --> 00:25:57,179 Six grown men playing dodgeball. 389 00:25:57,264 --> 00:25:58,347 (Steve cackles) 390 00:25:58,473 --> 00:26:02,643 Since I'm here, I'm gonna go ahead and do some abs, go shock it up. 391 00:26:02,727 --> 00:26:06,438 I like to work out all the time for this kind of sporting event. 392 00:26:06,481 --> 00:26:09,358 Gotta be limber and loose. That's the only way to play. 393 00:26:09,442 --> 00:26:14,071 Hey, you guys take vitamins? I take vitamins all the time... 394 00:26:16,491 --> 00:26:18,867 Dodgeball, eh? 395 00:26:18,952 --> 00:26:23,956 If Peter La Fleur thinks a few red rubber balls can save his sorry gym, 396 00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:26,834 he's in for quite a surprise. 397 00:26:35,135 --> 00:26:38,137 - Sorry I'm late, guys. - Hey, Pete. 398 00:26:38,221 --> 00:26:42,558 - Bad morning, boss? - They usually follow good nights, Dwight. 399 00:26:42,642 --> 00:26:44,810 - Hey, Gord, your family's here. - Where? 400 00:26:44,894 --> 00:26:47,146 - Right over there. - Great(!) 401 00:26:47,230 --> 00:26:50,649 She knows I don't like it when she watches me. I get all nervous. 402 00:26:50,734 --> 00:26:53,611 - Kids take after you. - Yeah. She's their stepmother. 403 00:26:53,695 --> 00:26:56,739 I remarried three years ago. An Internet mail-order thing. 404 00:26:56,823 --> 00:27:01,035 - How's that working out for you? - Really great. Really great. 405 00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:02,661 Hey, honey. 406 00:27:04,372 --> 00:27:07,458 L for love. Good times. 407 00:27:07,542 --> 00:27:09,627 L for love? That doesn't mean love... 408 00:27:09,711 --> 00:27:12,296 People have different translations for things. 409 00:27:12,380 --> 00:27:16,800 That's a special bond that you have with your mail-order wife. I think that's nice. 410 00:27:16,885 --> 00:27:19,136 - How many teams are in this qualifier? - Two. 411 00:27:19,220 --> 00:27:21,639 If we beat this team, we're in the Vegas Open? 412 00:27:21,723 --> 00:27:23,557 - Yeah. - That seems pretty simple. 413 00:27:23,683 --> 00:27:28,646 - Who's the other team? - I have it right here. Just a sec. 414 00:27:28,730 --> 00:27:33,400 - Troop 417. - Christ. We're playing Boy Scouts? 415 00:27:34,027 --> 00:27:35,277 Not quite. 416 00:27:35,362 --> 00:27:39,657 (♪ rock music) 417 00:27:43,912 --> 00:27:45,496 Bollocks. 418 00:27:51,044 --> 00:27:53,212 (referee) Troop 417, ready! 419 00:27:53,296 --> 00:27:55,005 Average Joe's, ready! 420 00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:58,467 Set! Dodgeball! 421 00:27:58,551 --> 00:28:00,302 (girls scream) 422 00:28:27,038 --> 00:28:29,456 I'm gonna send you to hell! 423 00:28:37,173 --> 00:28:38,382 Aaagh! 424 00:28:39,134 --> 00:28:44,388 - I'm really sorry. Are you all right? - Why would you hit a girl? Why? 425 00:28:44,472 --> 00:28:46,515 I am so sorry. Are you OK? 426 00:28:47,142 --> 00:28:48,726 (whistle blows) 427 00:28:48,810 --> 00:28:51,270 Winner - Troop 417. 428 00:28:51,354 --> 00:28:53,439 In your face. 429 00:28:53,523 --> 00:28:57,901 You're adopted. Your parents don't even love you. 430 00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:06,410 And now, without further ado, it gives me great pleasure to award... 431 00:29:09,122 --> 00:29:12,332 I'm sorry. We have a bit of a problem here. 432 00:29:13,084 --> 00:29:16,336 Unfortunately for Troop 417, 433 00:29:16,421 --> 00:29:20,424 during the ADAA-required random drug screening, 434 00:29:20,508 --> 00:29:25,929 one of your player's urine tested positive for three separate types of anabolic steroids, 435 00:29:26,014 --> 00:29:29,933 and a low-grade beaver tranquilliser. 436 00:29:30,018 --> 00:29:34,146 I'm afraid, by rule, your team must be disqualified. 437 00:29:34,731 --> 00:29:37,107 Goddamn you, Bernice! Grr! 438 00:29:37,817 --> 00:29:41,236 By the power vested in me, I declare the winner of this year's 439 00:29:41,321 --> 00:29:46,784 Dodgeball Regional Qualifying Tournament and Grammar Jamboree to be 440 00:29:46,868 --> 00:29:48,702 Average Joe's Gym. 441 00:29:51,539 --> 00:29:53,332 - You lied! - (cries gruffly) 442 00:30:00,256 --> 00:30:05,385 All I'm saying to you, Kate, is that you can admit the real reason why you showed up. 443 00:30:05,470 --> 00:30:09,973 I was in the neighbourhood and I thought you could use a cheering section. 444 00:30:10,058 --> 00:30:13,727 Kate, if you wanna join the team, all you have to do is ask. 445 00:30:13,812 --> 00:30:16,647 Thank you, Peter. I don't. 446 00:30:17,565 --> 00:30:20,359 It is obvious that you dig me. 447 00:30:20,443 --> 00:30:22,444 - You're hooked on La Fleur. - Oh, God. 448 00:30:22,529 --> 00:30:27,533 I've been through this many times. I'm sorry. You can't stay away from me. I'm so stupid. 449 00:30:27,617 --> 00:30:33,705 I'll admit that, in spite of yourself, you have brief moments where you're not completely... 450 00:30:35,416 --> 00:30:38,460 What? I'm not completely what? 451 00:30:38,545 --> 00:30:41,296 (White) Pathetic. 452 00:30:41,923 --> 00:30:45,092 Hey, White. I didn't think that Nazi camp got out until eight. 453 00:30:45,176 --> 00:30:49,680 - Did you decide to skip arts and crafts? - Yes, I did. 454 00:30:49,764 --> 00:30:53,809 Hello, Kate. I wasn't aware I was paying you to socialise. 455 00:30:53,935 --> 00:31:00,691 - You're not. I'm off the clock. - Isn't it "convenient" for you, and the clock? 456 00:31:00,775 --> 00:31:04,987 I dropped by to congratulate you on your victory by disqualification 457 00:31:05,071 --> 00:31:09,074 and introduce you to the team that will win the Las Vegas Dodgeball Open. 458 00:31:09,158 --> 00:31:10,909 My team. 459 00:31:12,161 --> 00:31:14,663 Allow me the pleasure of introducing you to 460 00:31:14,747 --> 00:31:16,832 Blade. 461 00:31:17,750 --> 00:31:19,793 Laser. 462 00:31:20,795 --> 00:31:23,088 Blazer. 463 00:31:23,172 --> 00:31:26,717 I believe you've met my fitness consigliere, Me'Shell. 464 00:31:26,801 --> 00:31:31,388 - We met. - Oh, and I almost forgot our last player. 465 00:31:31,472 --> 00:31:36,435 Meet Fran Stalinofskivitchdavitovichski. 466 00:31:41,566 --> 00:31:44,776 (♪ "Lady in Red" by Chris de Burgh) 467 00:31:46,654 --> 00:31:50,741 In her home country of Romanovia, dodgeball is the national sport. 468 00:31:50,825 --> 00:31:55,287 Her nuclear power plant's team won the championship five years running, 469 00:31:55,330 --> 00:32:00,542 which makes her the deadliest woman on earth with a dodgeball. 470 00:32:00,668 --> 00:32:02,502 Ball me, Blazer. 471 00:32:02,921 --> 00:32:05,339 - Show them, Fran. - Yaagh! 472 00:32:09,719 --> 00:32:12,471 That's just her change-up. 473 00:32:12,555 --> 00:32:14,640 End of demo. 474 00:32:14,724 --> 00:32:17,643 We are the Globo Gym Purple Cobras 475 00:32:17,727 --> 00:32:21,480 and we will, we will rock you. 476 00:32:22,023 --> 00:32:25,067 Sssssss. 477 00:32:25,860 --> 00:32:28,695 I think that guy might really be dead. 478 00:32:30,365 --> 00:32:34,660 Wait a minute. How can you be entered in the Las Vegas Open? 479 00:32:34,744 --> 00:32:37,037 You didn't win a regional qualifying match. 480 00:32:37,121 --> 00:32:40,457 Oh, my God. We never even won a regional qualifying match. 481 00:32:40,541 --> 00:32:42,626 Oh, yeah. Now I remember. 482 00:32:42,710 --> 00:32:46,421 The dodgeball chancellor's an extremely personal friend of mine. 483 00:32:46,506 --> 00:32:49,800 I helped him shed some unwanted poundage before beach season. 484 00:32:49,884 --> 00:32:52,594 So close your rule book on that one, Poindextor. 485 00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:57,265 White, we didn't come here to "rumble". We came here to celebrate as a team. 486 00:32:57,392 --> 00:33:00,519 There's plenty of bar here for you and the Globo-nauts. 487 00:33:00,561 --> 00:33:02,437 Team? 488 00:33:02,522 --> 00:33:06,525 What team? Your best player thinks he's a pirate. 489 00:33:06,609 --> 00:33:08,443 Ahoy! 490 00:33:08,528 --> 00:33:09,820 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 491 00:33:09,904 --> 00:33:13,448 First of all, he is way more of a pirate than you will ever be. 492 00:33:13,533 --> 00:33:18,870 Secondly, we don't know who our best player is yet. We've only had one game. 493 00:33:18,955 --> 00:33:23,750 - It could be any one of us at this point. - Go ahead, make your jokes, Mr... 494 00:33:23,835 --> 00:33:25,919 Jokey... Joke-maker. 495 00:33:26,004 --> 00:33:28,922 But let me hit you with some knowledge. Quit now. 496 00:33:29,007 --> 00:33:34,261 Save yourself the embarrassment of losing with these losers in Las Vegas, La Fleur. 497 00:33:34,345 --> 00:33:37,556 Alliteration aside, I'll take my chances in the tournament. 498 00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:42,227 - Yeah, you will take your chances. - I know. I just said that. 499 00:33:42,311 --> 00:33:45,480 - I know you did. - I'm not sure where you're going with this. 500 00:33:45,606 --> 00:33:49,026 - I'm not sure where you're going with this. - That's what I said. 501 00:33:49,110 --> 00:33:53,447 - That's what I'm saying to you. - All right. 502 00:33:53,531 --> 00:33:55,073 Touché. 503 00:33:57,785 --> 00:34:00,787 We're gonna split, but we'll see you at the tournament. 504 00:34:00,872 --> 00:34:05,959 Oh, and, La Fleur, best bring your bib cos it's gonna get messy. 505 00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:09,796 (Steve) Gar! 506 00:34:10,590 --> 00:34:12,758 Are you all right? You OK? 507 00:34:14,886 --> 00:34:17,137 Let's bounce. Cobras. 508 00:34:18,598 --> 00:34:20,432 Gar! 509 00:34:20,516 --> 00:34:26,563 OK, guys, let's just get ourselves cleaned up and head on home, all right? 510 00:34:33,154 --> 00:34:34,446 Hey, you. 511 00:34:34,530 --> 00:34:39,326 That was the worst damn display of dodgeball I've seen in 40 years. 512 00:34:39,368 --> 00:34:42,871 You want a dodgeball victory, you've gotta grab it by its haunches 513 00:34:42,955 --> 00:34:46,374 and hump it into submission. That's the only way. 514 00:34:46,459 --> 00:34:49,836 OK, crazy guy. I'm gonna go home now. 515 00:34:49,921 --> 00:34:53,006 I ain't crazy and I ain't a guy. 516 00:34:54,175 --> 00:34:57,135 The name's Patches O'Houlihan. 517 00:34:57,220 --> 00:34:59,888 I'm your new coach. 518 00:34:59,972 --> 00:35:03,016 Patches O'Houlihan? The guy from the dodgeball film? 519 00:35:03,101 --> 00:35:05,936 - Yeah. He said he wants to coach us. - You said yes? 520 00:35:06,020 --> 00:35:10,148 I figured the steady hand of a seasoned dodgeball coach could only benefit us. 521 00:35:10,191 --> 00:35:13,276 A'iight. But he's not weird or anything, is he? 522 00:35:13,361 --> 00:35:16,279 No. No, he's totally normal. 523 00:35:16,364 --> 00:35:17,405 (thud) 524 00:35:27,250 --> 00:35:30,752 I love the smell of queef in the morning. 525 00:35:30,837 --> 00:35:32,921 I mean normal for us. 526 00:35:33,422 --> 00:35:35,340 Line up, ladies. 527 00:35:35,424 --> 00:35:37,801 - What does he mean, line up? - Now! 528 00:35:40,847 --> 00:35:44,724 If you're gonna learn to be true dodgeballers, 529 00:35:44,809 --> 00:35:48,603 then you've got to learn the five Ds of dodgeball: 530 00:35:48,688 --> 00:35:51,773 dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge. 531 00:35:51,858 --> 00:35:57,904 If you master the five Ds, no amount of balls on earth can hit you. 532 00:35:59,115 --> 00:36:02,409 - Queer bait, go ahead. - Me, or... 533 00:36:02,535 --> 00:36:07,455 Yeah, shouldn't we learn by dodging balls that are thrown at us, or... 534 00:36:07,540 --> 00:36:10,917 That's what this sack of wrenches is for. 535 00:36:16,215 --> 00:36:18,842 If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball. 536 00:36:18,926 --> 00:36:21,011 What? 537 00:36:25,433 --> 00:36:28,185 (Justin groans) 538 00:36:30,771 --> 00:36:32,606 Any other questions? 539 00:36:32,690 --> 00:36:34,900 Oh, my God. 540 00:36:34,984 --> 00:36:40,113 Yeah. Patches, are you sure that this is completely necessary? 541 00:36:40,198 --> 00:36:42,657 Necessary? 542 00:36:42,742 --> 00:36:47,037 - Is it necessary for me to drink my urine? - Probably not. 543 00:36:47,121 --> 00:36:52,125 No. But I do it anyway because it's sterile and I like the taste. 544 00:36:52,210 --> 00:36:53,668 OK. 545 00:36:53,794 --> 00:36:59,257 If you're leading this squad, La Fleur, you've got to learn to do the dance in the dark. 546 00:37:00,051 --> 00:37:02,093 Here, put that on. 547 00:37:02,136 --> 00:37:04,471 All right, ladies, buckle up. 548 00:37:04,889 --> 00:37:06,223 It's showtime! 549 00:37:06,307 --> 00:37:08,975 (♪ bluegrass) 550 00:37:09,060 --> 00:37:11,561 Dodge, duck, dip. Dive! 551 00:37:13,231 --> 00:37:14,814 Dodge! 552 00:37:14,941 --> 00:37:16,775 Dive! 553 00:37:16,817 --> 00:37:20,111 Dip! Dive! Dodge! 554 00:37:20,821 --> 00:37:25,533 I've got three weeks to whip you suck-ass failure junkies into shape. 555 00:37:25,618 --> 00:37:29,204 Come on! I get better runs in my shorts. 556 00:37:29,830 --> 00:37:34,960 Catch a ball, one of their guys goes out. One of our guys comes back in. 557 00:37:35,044 --> 00:37:38,296 That's the way you hurt 'em. That's the way you win. 558 00:37:40,967 --> 00:37:42,926 Let's go. A little hustle here. 559 00:37:49,433 --> 00:37:51,393 - Ooh! - That's really good, Peter. 560 00:37:55,564 --> 00:37:59,859 Come on! Only 19 miles to go. 561 00:38:00,861 --> 00:38:02,195 Ah-hah! 562 00:38:03,656 --> 00:38:04,864 Attaboy! 563 00:38:06,701 --> 00:38:08,785 Next man! 564 00:38:08,869 --> 00:38:12,038 Good luck to you, Gordon. Remember it's 90% mental. 565 00:38:12,123 --> 00:38:13,164 Okey-dokey. 566 00:38:13,207 --> 00:38:17,502 (Patches) If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball. 567 00:38:21,132 --> 00:38:23,174 You got it, Gord. 568 00:38:24,635 --> 00:38:27,012 Oooh! Gar! 569 00:38:27,972 --> 00:38:31,141 - I'm fine. I'm OK. - OK, there. 570 00:38:37,356 --> 00:38:40,066 - Ow, man! - Wake up, Smithy. 571 00:38:45,865 --> 00:38:50,327 Hell, son. You're about as useful as a cock-flavoured lollipop. 572 00:38:51,037 --> 00:38:53,455 Quick feet, fast hands. 573 00:38:53,539 --> 00:38:55,498 Catch it and throw. 574 00:38:56,167 --> 00:39:01,046 Pick up the pace! What a bunch of females! 575 00:39:04,717 --> 00:39:07,677 Jesus! Gimme that. 576 00:39:08,929 --> 00:39:12,098 You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat. 577 00:39:12,183 --> 00:39:15,101 Where's your killer instinct? You gotta get angry! 578 00:39:15,227 --> 00:39:18,938 You gotta get mean! That's the only way you can play. 579 00:39:19,607 --> 00:39:22,359 I guess I'm not really an angry person. 580 00:39:25,446 --> 00:39:26,571 Oh! 581 00:39:26,614 --> 00:39:29,282 Are you angry now? 582 00:39:29,408 --> 00:39:34,287 - (Dwight) Breathe it out. - Come on, let's get going here! 583 00:39:41,837 --> 00:39:43,797 Little help? 584 00:39:45,049 --> 00:39:47,050 Agh! 585 00:39:52,848 --> 00:39:55,809 What? Eight years of softball. 586 00:39:55,893 --> 00:39:59,687 - Man, she gotta be a lesbian. - She is not a lesbian. 587 00:39:59,772 --> 00:40:02,482 All I know is that dyke can play. 588 00:40:14,036 --> 00:40:16,204 Come on, come on. 589 00:40:16,330 --> 00:40:18,873 - Please! - We need you. You're really good. 590 00:40:18,958 --> 00:40:20,959 Owen'll be team manager if you play. 591 00:40:21,043 --> 00:40:22,669 - I will? - Shut up. 592 00:40:22,753 --> 00:40:25,713 Look, I find White Goodman creepy, just like you do... 593 00:40:25,798 --> 00:40:28,216 All the more reason for you to join us! 594 00:40:28,300 --> 00:40:31,594 Come on, Kate. Time to put your mouth where our balls are. 595 00:40:31,679 --> 00:40:35,974 Sorry, I can't. I'm under contract. It'd be a conflict of interest. 596 00:40:36,475 --> 00:40:38,685 Suit yourself. 597 00:40:38,769 --> 00:40:42,522 All right, you heard Billie-Jean King. No crying in the breast milk. 598 00:40:42,606 --> 00:40:44,899 We got plenty of work to do. Let's go. 599 00:40:48,654 --> 00:40:52,365 (man on TV) We punch the pizza dough down, and it's time to sauce it up. 600 00:40:52,450 --> 00:40:54,534 Oh, boy, is my mouth watering. 601 00:40:54,618 --> 00:40:58,079 You want to put a big dollop of that tangy red on the dough, 602 00:40:58,205 --> 00:41:01,124 then use the cheese to shove it to the edge. 603 00:41:01,208 --> 00:41:03,334 Sir, I need you to take a look at... Whoa! 604 00:41:03,419 --> 00:41:05,378 No! What... 605 00:41:05,463 --> 00:41:10,216 What... What have I said about knocking? Hm? 606 00:41:10,342 --> 00:41:12,677 - Always knock. - Whoa. Sorry, sir. 607 00:41:12,761 --> 00:41:18,183 What is so important that you need to interrupt me in my private reflection period? 608 00:41:18,726 --> 00:41:20,810 These. 609 00:41:24,899 --> 00:41:29,486 - They're getting better. - Yes. I can see that, Me'Shell. 610 00:41:29,570 --> 00:41:34,032 I'm through playing games. It's time to end this square dance once and for all. 611 00:41:34,116 --> 00:41:36,284 What about the girl? She can throw. 612 00:41:36,410 --> 00:41:40,413 I'll simply have to woo Kate a bit sooner than nature intended. 613 00:41:40,498 --> 00:41:43,374 But rest assured, Me'Shell. 614 00:41:43,459 --> 00:41:49,005 There's no resisting when White Goodman puts on his shiny shoes. 615 00:41:49,089 --> 00:41:52,967 (♪ "Apache" by the Sugarhill Gang) 616 00:41:53,093 --> 00:41:57,263 ♪ Tonto, jump on it, jump on it, jump on it 617 00:42:01,477 --> 00:42:04,270 ♪ Apache, jump on it, jump on it 618 00:42:04,355 --> 00:42:06,439 (singers ululating) 619 00:42:09,944 --> 00:42:12,153 - (Kate) Who is it? - It's White. 620 00:42:14,782 --> 00:42:17,742 - Surprise. - White. 621 00:42:17,826 --> 00:42:19,035 Uh... 622 00:42:19,119 --> 00:42:22,121 What... What are you doing here? 623 00:42:22,206 --> 00:42:24,541 How do you know where I live? 624 00:42:24,625 --> 00:42:26,876 It's called the Freedom of Information Act. 625 00:42:26,961 --> 00:42:30,672 The hippies finally got something right. Just kiddin'. Not really. 626 00:42:30,798 --> 00:42:34,592 Hey. I got some great news. Sit down. 627 00:42:37,471 --> 00:42:39,556 - What is it? - You're fired. 628 00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:41,349 - I'm what? - You're fired. 629 00:42:41,433 --> 00:42:45,270 I told the bank that you were stealing and drinking on the job. They bought it. 630 00:42:45,354 --> 00:42:48,648 They signed some other pencil pusher to my account. 631 00:42:48,732 --> 00:42:50,984 Why would you do that? 632 00:42:51,527 --> 00:42:54,237 I'm here to begin my courtship of you, Kate. 633 00:42:54,321 --> 00:42:57,365 - You fired me so I'd date you? - Yuh-huh. 634 00:42:57,491 --> 00:43:00,326 You are a crazy little man. 635 00:43:00,369 --> 00:43:03,162 I know you've been hiding some feelings for me. 636 00:43:03,247 --> 00:43:05,373 Oh, yeah. Nausea. 637 00:43:05,457 --> 00:43:08,876 If you don't leave in two seconds, you'll know how that feels. 638 00:43:08,961 --> 00:43:10,587 Ooh-hoo! 639 00:43:10,671 --> 00:43:13,506 You like the freaky stuff, huh? That's cool. 640 00:43:14,425 --> 00:43:16,301 I can be naughty, too. 641 00:43:17,970 --> 00:43:20,471 Real, freakin' naughty. 642 00:43:22,016 --> 00:43:24,058 - You a naughty freak? - Need help leaving? 643 00:43:26,145 --> 00:43:27,895 This doesn't concern you, La Fleur. 644 00:43:27,980 --> 00:43:31,357 Not nearly as much as your hair does. That's for sure. 645 00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:35,194 But, uh, I believe she asked you to leave. 646 00:43:37,197 --> 00:43:41,868 I get it. You caught the scent of a lesser stag in your nostrils. 647 00:43:41,952 --> 00:43:46,539 Pity. I'll let you have your little moment, La Fleur, 648 00:43:46,624 --> 00:43:54,047 cos after this tournament, your gym, your life and your gal are gonna be mine. 649 00:43:54,089 --> 00:43:56,257 All mine. 650 00:43:56,925 --> 00:43:58,926 To be continued... Agh! Ow. 651 00:43:59,011 --> 00:44:01,804 You don't get to touch me, ever. 652 00:44:01,889 --> 00:44:04,432 OK, Romeo. Let me help you up. 653 00:44:04,516 --> 00:44:08,102 Get off me! Don't you touch me! 654 00:44:10,189 --> 00:44:13,232 It is over between us, Kate. 655 00:44:13,317 --> 00:44:16,361 Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. Nobody! 656 00:44:30,668 --> 00:44:34,045 - At least that wasn't weird. - Yeah. 657 00:44:34,129 --> 00:44:37,131 - Do I smell cookies? - Hey! 658 00:44:38,467 --> 00:44:40,968 Dear Barbara! 659 00:44:48,227 --> 00:44:52,522 - I like unicorns. - Wow. 660 00:44:52,898 --> 00:44:55,066 I know you said no to joining the team, 661 00:44:55,150 --> 00:44:59,070 but I'd like you to reconsider as a personal favour to me. 662 00:44:59,154 --> 00:45:00,863 - Peter... - Before you answer, 663 00:45:00,948 --> 00:45:03,616 you should know you'd have your own changing room. 664 00:45:03,701 --> 00:45:05,910 - Really? - Sort of. 665 00:45:05,994 --> 00:45:09,414 - Mmm. - Oh, and... there's also this. 666 00:45:09,498 --> 00:45:12,417 - Oh! OK, what's this? - I overdid. 667 00:45:14,878 --> 00:45:18,548 Look at you. Two expired movie passes 668 00:45:18,632 --> 00:45:23,177 and a coupon for one free back rub from Peter La Fleur. 669 00:45:23,262 --> 00:45:27,974 - Play your cards right, could be a full body. - Will you just stop, please? 670 00:45:28,058 --> 00:45:32,103 I don't want your perk package. I don't want your back rub. 671 00:45:32,187 --> 00:45:35,898 I just want to see White Goodman's face when we win that tournament. 672 00:45:35,983 --> 00:45:38,359 - You're in? - I'm in. 673 00:45:42,531 --> 00:45:47,493 Las Vegas! A city built of hot sand, broken dreams and $5 lobster. 674 00:45:47,578 --> 00:45:51,330 A city where you can get a happy ending, if you pay a little extra. 675 00:45:51,415 --> 00:45:54,709 A city home to a sporting event greater than the World Cup, 676 00:45:54,793 --> 00:45:59,297 World Series and World War II combined! 677 00:45:59,381 --> 00:46:03,760 Live from Las Vegas, it's the Las Vegas International Dodgeball Open 678 00:46:03,844 --> 00:46:06,679 here on ESPN8- the "Ocho" - 679 00:46:06,764 --> 00:46:11,559 bringing you the finest in seldom-seen sports from around the globe since 1999. 680 00:46:11,643 --> 00:46:15,021 If it's almost a sport, we've got it here. 681 00:46:15,105 --> 00:46:20,902 Hello, everybody, and welcome to this year's Las Vegas International Dodgeball Open 682 00:46:20,986 --> 00:46:24,280 brought to you exclusively here on ESPN8- the "Ocho". 683 00:46:24,364 --> 00:46:28,117 We're coming to you live from the Las Vegas University Learning Annex. 684 00:46:28,202 --> 00:46:30,077 My name is Cotton McKnight 685 00:46:30,162 --> 00:46:34,040 and with me, as always, is my partner in crime, Pepper Brooks. 686 00:46:34,124 --> 00:46:36,000 Yeah. Cotton, hey. 687 00:46:36,084 --> 00:46:41,547 Everybody, 32 teams in play, that means four wins is gonna get you in the final match, 688 00:46:41,632 --> 00:46:45,092 the fifth win getting you the 50K that everyone's chasing. 689 00:46:45,177 --> 00:46:46,219 Cotton! 690 00:46:46,303 --> 00:46:51,599 There's an electricity in the air, a palpable hue of anticipation. 691 00:46:51,725 --> 00:46:55,228 Immortality - five simple victories away. 692 00:46:55,270 --> 00:47:00,149 They've come from all over - Kathmandu to Timbuktu, and all points in-between - 693 00:47:00,234 --> 00:47:04,737 to compete in the one true human test - dodgeball. 694 00:47:29,137 --> 00:47:31,639 - Hey. - Hey. What's in the box? 695 00:47:31,723 --> 00:47:36,310 Guys, I figured a real dodgeball team needs real dodgeball uniforms. 696 00:47:36,395 --> 00:47:40,273 So I threw out those old ratty ones and designed these myself. 697 00:47:40,357 --> 00:47:44,735 All right! Now we got our thing going on, maybe we'll start smacking each other. 698 00:47:44,820 --> 00:47:46,904 I hope everything fits. 699 00:47:48,949 --> 00:47:51,576 - Wait. - Nice. 700 00:47:51,660 --> 00:47:56,205 This isn't right. This isn't what I ordered. 701 00:48:00,043 --> 00:48:03,921 - What's this? - What the hell is that? This is screwed up. 702 00:48:04,882 --> 00:48:07,800 - What are we supposed to do now? - Don't worry. 703 00:48:07,926 --> 00:48:10,136 - We'll play in what we've got on. - We can't. 704 00:48:10,220 --> 00:48:12,972 ADAA rules require we wear matching uniforms. 705 00:48:13,098 --> 00:48:17,310 I don't think they require ass-less chaps, OK? 706 00:48:17,394 --> 00:48:22,607 Everybody, calm down. We've got plenty of time to find other uniforms before we play. 707 00:48:22,649 --> 00:48:26,193 Ladies, we gotta get on the court or we're gonna forfeit the game. 708 00:48:26,278 --> 00:48:30,114 Come on, let's go. Let's see some movement. Chop-chop. 709 00:48:30,198 --> 00:48:32,241 I don't see any movement. Let's go. 710 00:48:42,794 --> 00:48:45,671 How about those dodgeball dancers, folks? 711 00:48:45,756 --> 00:48:49,675 - That is some good, clean, family fun, Cot. - Right you are. 712 00:48:49,760 --> 00:48:52,219 Here comes Germany's Team Blitzkrieg. 713 00:48:52,304 --> 00:48:55,723 The reigning European champ hopes to extend their empire here. 714 00:48:55,807 --> 00:48:57,892 Appeasement be damned. 715 00:48:57,976 --> 00:49:01,312 Here comes the relatively unknown challengers, 716 00:49:01,396 --> 00:49:05,691 a regional qualifying team, Average Joe's Gymnasium. 717 00:49:05,776 --> 00:49:07,944 (cheering and applause) 718 00:49:08,987 --> 00:49:11,072 (cheering stops) 719 00:49:15,494 --> 00:49:17,703 Oh, my sweet Jesus. 720 00:49:18,705 --> 00:49:20,706 That's rad. 721 00:49:20,832 --> 00:49:23,668 Hey, asshole, you guys suck! 722 00:49:24,127 --> 00:49:26,671 Thank you. Nice to be in Vegas. 723 00:49:26,713 --> 00:49:29,465 Hi. We're all here and, um, 724 00:49:29,549 --> 00:49:31,467 we are ready to play. 725 00:49:34,304 --> 00:49:36,806 - OK. - OK. 726 00:49:38,642 --> 00:49:42,853 We get our first glimpse of the Average Joe's squad, sporting unwieldy uniforms. 727 00:49:42,938 --> 00:49:45,773 (Pepper) I feel like I'm watching a Cher video. 728 00:49:45,857 --> 00:49:47,858 - Average Joe's, ready. - Gar! 729 00:49:47,943 --> 00:49:49,902 - Blitzkrieg, ready. - Right. 730 00:49:49,987 --> 00:49:51,404 Dodgeball! 731 00:49:51,488 --> 00:49:56,325 (Cotton) And we're under way! Average Joe's versus the heavily favoured German team. 732 00:49:56,410 --> 00:50:00,246 Of course, S&M gear first made popular by the lyric poet, Sappho, 733 00:50:00,330 --> 00:50:03,374 - from the island of Lesbos. - Clean hit. You're out. 734 00:50:03,458 --> 00:50:08,254 (Pepper) Leather and latex belong in the bedroom, not on the dodgeball court. 735 00:50:08,338 --> 00:50:13,759 Where's that training? Dodge, duck, dip, dive, dodge! 736 00:50:14,261 --> 00:50:18,806 Captain Peter La Fleur gets eliminated and coach O'Houlihan is not happy. 737 00:50:19,516 --> 00:50:21,017 Gar! 738 00:50:26,106 --> 00:50:28,774 This Average Joe's team doesn't look up to snuff. 739 00:50:28,859 --> 00:50:29,942 (whistle) 740 00:50:30,027 --> 00:50:32,945 Midline infraction. You went over the line, you're out. 741 00:50:33,030 --> 00:50:36,032 Woo-hoo! The Average Joe's catches a break there. 742 00:50:36,116 --> 00:50:39,702 The Germans still dominating this Maginot Line-like defence. 743 00:50:39,786 --> 00:50:42,371 (Pepper) Good toss by the submissive out there! 744 00:50:42,456 --> 00:50:46,625 (Cotton) Just two players left for Joe... Oohh, check that. Make it one. 745 00:50:46,668 --> 00:50:49,628 Looks like Average Joe's might be heading home early. 746 00:50:50,047 --> 00:50:53,966 It's all up to the only player without a Y-chromosome, Kate Veatch. 747 00:50:55,135 --> 00:50:57,219 Oh, what a throw! 748 00:50:57,304 --> 00:50:59,472 Hold your phone, she's got a cannon. 749 00:50:59,514 --> 00:51:01,182 Yes! 750 00:51:01,308 --> 00:51:05,603 - Come on, Kate. - You're the only man out there! Give it to 'em. 751 00:51:05,687 --> 00:51:10,983 (Cotton) Germans have a two-one advantage. Great catch. La Fleur's back in the game. 752 00:51:11,068 --> 00:51:15,654 How about that? A two-on-one switcheroo. Now Joe's has the upper hand. 753 00:51:15,739 --> 00:51:17,656 - Great deflection. - Take it to him! 754 00:51:17,741 --> 00:51:22,495 - He's ball-less now. - (Pepper) He doesn't have any balls, Cotton. 755 00:51:22,579 --> 00:51:25,498 Winner! Average Joe's. 756 00:51:26,917 --> 00:51:29,418 My sweet dick, it's magic. 757 00:51:29,503 --> 00:51:30,795 Hey, all right! 758 00:51:30,879 --> 00:51:36,550 Oh, my. The Germans losing in the first round and Average Joe's wins in a shocking upset. 759 00:51:36,635 --> 00:51:39,386 I feel shocked. 760 00:51:39,471 --> 00:51:41,555 Gar! 761 00:51:48,105 --> 00:51:50,106 Losers. 762 00:52:01,451 --> 00:52:04,453 You must be Daddy. 763 00:52:04,830 --> 00:52:09,166 Average Joe's has shocked the dodgeball pundits and made it to tomorrow's round 764 00:52:09,251 --> 00:52:12,962 where we'll separate the wheat from the chaff, the men from the boys, 765 00:52:13,046 --> 00:52:16,215 and the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian. 766 00:52:16,299 --> 00:52:19,552 Don't go anywhere, folks. It's just getting exciting. 767 00:52:23,932 --> 00:52:27,560 - What the hell! - That guy's a dickhead. 768 00:52:33,233 --> 00:52:35,776 You wanted to see me, Patches? 769 00:52:37,028 --> 00:52:40,739 You did good out there, real good. You're a natural leader, La Fleur. 770 00:52:40,824 --> 00:52:43,951 Those men and that muff-diver believe in you. 771 00:52:44,035 --> 00:52:47,037 - Kate's not a muff-diver. - Ah, no. 772 00:52:48,331 --> 00:52:50,416 Hey. That's for you. 773 00:52:51,793 --> 00:52:55,087 - I can't accept this. - You're a hell of a player, Peter. 774 00:52:55,130 --> 00:52:57,548 You earned it. 775 00:52:57,591 --> 00:53:02,595 I've got some hookers in my room. What do you say we go celebrate? My treat. 776 00:53:02,679 --> 00:53:05,931 No, thanks, I'll just stick with the scarf, but thank you. 777 00:53:06,016 --> 00:53:08,100 Suit yourself, queer. 778 00:53:18,361 --> 00:53:20,196 - Sorry. - Justin? 779 00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:22,990 Amber! Jeez Louise, what are you doing here? 780 00:53:23,074 --> 00:53:28,245 - The National Cheerleading Championships. - Oh, yeah, the NCCs. That's so awesome. 781 00:53:28,330 --> 00:53:32,208 - We're in the finals tomorrow. And you? - I'm in the dodgeball tournament. 782 00:53:32,292 --> 00:53:37,046 These are my team-mates, Dwight, Ms Veatch and Gordon. 783 00:53:37,130 --> 00:53:39,465 This is Amber. 784 00:53:39,507 --> 00:53:41,675 Come on, I wanna ride the roller coaster. 785 00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:46,680 - Hey, Derek. Sweet 'do, man. - Get bent, helmet. Let's go, Amber. 786 00:53:46,765 --> 00:53:52,394 - It was nice to see you. Good luck tomorrow. - And also you. You look... healthy... good. 787 00:53:53,271 --> 00:53:54,813 What? 788 00:53:54,898 --> 00:53:57,900 Don't worry about that guy, Justin. He's a total jerk. 789 00:53:57,984 --> 00:54:01,445 He'll probably fall off the roller coaster and break every bone. 790 00:54:01,529 --> 00:54:04,240 - Nice, Dwight. - I'm just saying, it happens. 791 00:54:04,324 --> 00:54:06,909 My cousin Ray-Ray. Boop. Dead. 792 00:54:06,993 --> 00:54:08,160 Thanks, man. 793 00:54:12,749 --> 00:54:15,751 Let's huddle up here! We've got some work to do. 794 00:54:15,835 --> 00:54:18,045 We got lucky in the first round. 795 00:54:18,129 --> 00:54:21,757 We caught those dirty Krauts napping, but that won't happen again, 796 00:54:21,841 --> 00:54:26,011 so blow out the horse hockey and remember what I taught you. 797 00:54:26,096 --> 00:54:32,559 Blockers in the centre, funnelling, aim low and will someone catch a goddamned ball? 798 00:54:32,644 --> 00:54:37,356 It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to fuck a doorknob out there! 799 00:54:37,399 --> 00:54:41,360 Get it together. Let's play some dodgeball. 800 00:54:41,444 --> 00:54:43,362 Hands in. 801 00:54:43,446 --> 00:54:45,531 One, two, three, Joe's! 802 00:54:47,200 --> 00:54:49,451 - Average Joe's ready? - Yes. 803 00:54:49,536 --> 00:54:51,704 - Lumberjacks, ready? - Grr! 804 00:54:51,788 --> 00:54:52,830 Dodgeball. 805 00:54:52,914 --> 00:54:56,500 (Cotton) Average Joe's has a tough job, facing the Lumberjacks. 806 00:54:56,584 --> 00:55:00,170 These woodsmen probably haven't even smelt a woman in eight months. 807 00:55:00,255 --> 00:55:03,173 (Pepper) They must masturbate a lot, Cotton. 808 00:55:03,216 --> 00:55:05,968 - Clean hit. You're out. - (Cotton) In the deer gut. 809 00:55:06,052 --> 00:55:09,013 - Average Joe's looking tough. - Yes! 810 00:55:10,265 --> 00:55:12,349 Gar! 811 00:55:14,060 --> 00:55:16,729 There's a souvenir for a lucky fan. 812 00:55:18,189 --> 00:55:19,732 Oooh! Timber! 813 00:55:19,816 --> 00:55:23,819 Peter La Fleur nails him. That's all she wrote, folks. 814 00:55:23,903 --> 00:55:28,157 Average Joe's does some clear-cutting of their own and moves onto the quarterfinal. 815 00:55:30,285 --> 00:55:33,120 Globo Gym hoping to drop an A-bomb on the Kamikazes. 816 00:55:33,204 --> 00:55:36,790 (Pepper) I don't know how they can play in diapers, Cotton. I never could. 817 00:55:36,875 --> 00:55:38,250 Peekaboo! 818 00:55:38,501 --> 00:55:41,545 White Goodman, employing his patented peekaboo-style attack, 819 00:55:41,629 --> 00:55:45,090 tells Suzuki Toyota Oshinawa this is my dojo. 820 00:55:45,592 --> 00:55:46,592 Ooohh! 821 00:55:46,676 --> 00:55:49,887 Is he gonna feel it tomorrow? Right in his beak! 822 00:55:49,971 --> 00:55:54,933 A relentless Globo Gym attack led by their Lilliputian leader, White Goodman. 823 00:55:55,018 --> 00:55:58,103 (Pepper) It's gotta be the hair. It's beautiful. 824 00:55:58,188 --> 00:56:02,733 Feathered and lethal. You just don't see it nowadays. 825 00:56:03,943 --> 00:56:07,446 (Cotton) Globo Gym says, "Domo arigato, Mr Roboto", 826 00:56:07,572 --> 00:56:09,948 and breezes into the semifinals. 827 00:56:12,202 --> 00:56:15,829 Skillz That Killz, ready? Average Joe's, ready? Dodgeball! 828 00:56:15,914 --> 00:56:19,333 (Cotton) Average Joe's planning to playa hate Skillz That Killz, 829 00:56:19,417 --> 00:56:21,835 the inner-city champs for five years straight. 830 00:56:21,920 --> 00:56:26,632 Skillz might be looking past Average Joe's, doing more dancing than dodgeballing. 831 00:56:26,716 --> 00:56:30,302 (Pepper) They better check themselves before they wreck themselves. 832 00:56:30,387 --> 00:56:35,599 (Cotton) Right you are, partner. Great catch. La Fleur wheels and fires. 833 00:56:36,434 --> 00:56:39,144 Winner! Average Joe's! 834 00:56:39,229 --> 00:56:44,149 And Average Joe's, not blinded by the bling-bling, advances to the semifinal. 835 00:56:46,653 --> 00:56:51,240 (Cotton) Globo Gym's making mincemeat of the Las Vegas Police Department. 836 00:56:51,324 --> 00:56:53,075 Oh! That's gotta hurt. 837 00:56:55,203 --> 00:56:57,121 (Pepper) B-b-b-bull's-eye! 838 00:56:57,205 --> 00:56:59,540 Winner! Globo Gym! 839 00:56:59,666 --> 00:57:04,795 (Cotton) Sportsmanship be darned. Globo Gym hands the Las Vegas Police a 187, 840 00:57:04,838 --> 00:57:07,464 and they're going to the finals. 841 00:57:09,968 --> 00:57:14,263 The Poughkeepsie State Flying Cougars are all over Average Joe's today. 842 00:57:14,347 --> 00:57:19,435 It just doesn't look good for 'em. The winner of this match faces Globo Gym in the finals. 843 00:57:19,519 --> 00:57:21,854 Oh! Right in the testicles! 844 00:57:21,938 --> 00:57:24,481 Ouch-Town. Population: you, bro. 845 00:57:24,566 --> 00:57:27,734 (Cotton) Average Joe's down to their final two players. 846 00:57:29,028 --> 00:57:31,280 La Fleur can't hold on. He's gotta sit down. 847 00:57:31,364 --> 00:57:34,366 - Time out! Gordy! - Time out! Time out! 848 00:57:34,993 --> 00:57:36,410 Time! Time is out! 849 00:57:36,494 --> 00:57:40,497 It looks like the clock is about to strike midnight on this Cinderella story, 850 00:57:40,582 --> 00:57:43,292 turning Average Joe's into the proverbial pumpkin. 851 00:57:43,376 --> 00:57:45,878 I sure do like pumpkins, Cotton. 852 00:57:47,297 --> 00:57:50,841 You won't hit 'em. They're too good, and you suck somethin' awful. 853 00:57:50,925 --> 00:57:54,595 - Yes, sir. I do. - Our only shot is for you to get angry. 854 00:57:54,679 --> 00:57:58,348 - Roger that. OK. - All right. Hands in. 855 00:57:58,433 --> 00:58:00,851 - One, two, three. - Joe's! 856 00:58:01,728 --> 00:58:04,855 (Patches) You gotta get angry. Get angry now! 857 00:58:04,939 --> 00:58:09,693 (Cotton) Gordon Pibb, alone, facing five Cougars. It's all over but the crying. 858 00:58:09,736 --> 00:58:13,322 Sayonara, auf Wiedersehen and goodbye. 859 00:58:14,407 --> 00:58:16,033 (she laughs loudly) 860 00:58:20,538 --> 00:58:22,414 (snarls) 861 00:58:23,416 --> 00:58:25,667 (roars) 862 00:58:26,586 --> 00:58:30,005 - Dodgeball! - (Cotton) Let the dodgeball slaughter begin. 863 00:58:30,089 --> 00:58:32,007 Good deflection there. 864 00:58:32,091 --> 00:58:34,343 Hang on. And another one. 865 00:58:34,427 --> 00:58:37,012 Three balls at once! Who knew? 866 00:58:37,514 --> 00:58:40,057 Four on one. Pibb won't go down without a fight. 867 00:58:40,141 --> 00:58:42,559 That's it! 868 00:58:42,644 --> 00:58:45,771 - (Cotton) You're kidding me! - (Pepper) He's callin' 'em out! 869 00:58:46,606 --> 00:58:48,690 Now it's two on one. Who'd have thunk it? 870 00:58:48,775 --> 00:58:53,695 - Go, you crazy son of a bitch! Go! - (Cotton) He's on the warpath! 871 00:58:55,823 --> 00:58:58,450 (Cotton) Incredible! It's one on one. 872 00:58:58,535 --> 00:59:02,412 - I can't believe it! - (Pepper) It's just not believable, Cotton. 873 00:59:02,455 --> 00:59:04,957 (screams) 874 00:59:10,588 --> 00:59:11,588 (referee) Winner! 875 00:59:11,965 --> 00:59:15,133 (Cotton) Average Joe's wins! 876 00:59:15,260 --> 00:59:20,305 They are going to the finals to play Globo Gym for $50,000. 877 00:59:20,431 --> 00:59:24,309 - (Pepper) That'll buy one heck of a blumpken. - (Cotton) Right you are, Pep. 878 00:59:24,394 --> 00:59:26,895 I never would have dreamed it possible. 879 00:59:26,980 --> 00:59:31,608 But with seven-time ADAA All-Star Patches O'Houlihan at the helm, 880 00:59:31,651 --> 00:59:34,528 I guess it must be the luck of the Irish. 881 00:59:38,533 --> 00:59:42,619 Tomorrow we're gonna pecker-slap those Globo Gym bastards. 882 00:59:42,704 --> 00:59:43,495 Yeah! 883 00:59:43,580 --> 00:59:48,125 - You really think we can beat Globo Gym? - As long as we got Patches, we got a shot. 884 00:59:55,133 --> 00:59:56,383 Oh, my God. 885 00:59:57,302 --> 01:00:01,305 Well, it's probably the way he would have wanted to go. 886 01:00:01,389 --> 01:00:04,808 - What? - What are we gonna do without Patches? 887 01:00:04,892 --> 01:00:07,060 We're gonna get our taints handed to us. 888 01:00:07,145 --> 01:00:10,188 - What's a taint? - I dunno. Sounds bad. 889 01:00:11,399 --> 01:00:14,693 Maybe you should go say something to the guys. 890 01:00:14,777 --> 01:00:15,944 Yeah. 891 01:00:16,029 --> 01:00:22,659 They don't make a "sorry your coach just got crushed by two tons of irony" Hallmark card. 892 01:00:24,203 --> 01:00:26,788 I'll be right back. 893 01:00:33,421 --> 01:00:37,382 ¿Dónde está la biblioteca, Pedro? 894 01:00:37,467 --> 01:00:39,009 What? 895 01:00:39,093 --> 01:00:43,388 We're opening a new Globo Gym in Mexico City. I've been boning up on my Spanish. 896 01:00:43,473 --> 01:00:46,391 (flushing) 897 01:00:46,434 --> 01:00:49,895 Me'Shell was having some digestive problems. I hope you don't mind. 898 01:00:50,021 --> 01:00:52,272 Will you shut that? 899 01:00:52,398 --> 01:00:55,067 For all of us, baby. 900 01:00:57,737 --> 01:01:03,617 So that's the deal. I give you $100,000, you sign over the deed to your gym. 901 01:01:03,701 --> 01:01:05,452 Period. 902 01:01:05,536 --> 01:01:07,704 End o'story. 903 01:01:07,789 --> 01:01:13,126 You really think you can come here and buy me out, you're a lot dumber than I thought. 904 01:01:13,211 --> 01:01:18,799 Oh, I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you thought I'd think that I thought I was once. 905 01:01:18,883 --> 01:01:22,094 Look, Peter, I know what it's like. 906 01:01:22,178 --> 01:01:26,807 Really. For all our blustery back-and-forth, we're really pretty much the same guy. 907 01:01:26,933 --> 01:01:30,602 We're both leaders. And I like what you've done with the gym over there. 908 01:01:30,687 --> 01:01:35,607 I love the whole "I'm not OK, you're not OK, but that's OK" thing you got going. 909 01:01:35,692 --> 01:01:39,027 "You can be fat as long as you're happy inside. " It works. 910 01:01:39,112 --> 01:01:42,572 And they love you. Whoo, do they love you. 911 01:01:42,657 --> 01:01:44,658 You're their Fonzie, Pete. 912 01:01:44,742 --> 01:01:47,035 "Hey. " Right? 913 01:01:49,122 --> 01:01:54,668 But do you really think it's fair for them to put all that pressure on you? All the time? Hm? 914 01:01:55,628 --> 01:01:58,964 Looking to you to solve their every problem? 915 01:01:59,048 --> 01:02:00,674 I mean, come on. 916 01:02:00,800 --> 01:02:05,011 I know you. You know you. 917 01:02:05,096 --> 01:02:08,140 And I know you know that I know you. 918 01:02:08,224 --> 01:02:10,726 You're heading for a fall, Pete. 919 01:02:10,810 --> 01:02:14,312 Sooner or later, Average Joe's is gonna close. 920 01:02:14,397 --> 01:02:18,567 And when it does, they're gonna blame you. 921 01:02:20,153 --> 01:02:24,114 I don't know if you've ever seen $100,000, except maybe in the movies. 922 01:02:24,198 --> 01:02:28,160 But I assure you, something gets lost in the translation. 923 01:02:31,164 --> 01:02:35,250 Money. $100,000. Dodgeball game. 924 01:02:37,044 --> 01:02:38,879 Take the money. 925 01:02:39,589 --> 01:02:44,468 Invest it in something. Give it to charity, I don't care. 926 01:02:51,350 --> 01:02:53,518 Just sign the contract. 927 01:02:58,900 --> 01:03:01,902 Come on, guys. We got Peter. 928 01:03:02,069 --> 01:03:06,239 And they got guys named Laser and Blazer and Taser, and all kinds of asers. 929 01:03:06,324 --> 01:03:09,868 Gar. Steve's gotta go drain the sea monster. 930 01:03:10,995 --> 01:03:13,163 Here. Justin, your virgin daiquiri. 931 01:03:13,247 --> 01:03:15,832 - Thanks, Ms Veatch. - Nothing for me. 932 01:03:15,917 --> 01:03:20,170 - Dwight says we'll get killed out there, Peter. - Let's not talk about tomorrow. 933 01:03:20,254 --> 01:03:23,757 - What are we gonna do? - I don't know. It's a little complicated. 934 01:03:23,841 --> 01:03:27,010 - But what do you think we should do? - Yeah. Come on, tell us. 935 01:03:27,094 --> 01:03:28,303 What's the plan? 936 01:03:28,387 --> 01:03:31,640 What do you guys want from me? I don't have a plan for you. 937 01:03:31,724 --> 01:03:35,936 We're gonna play Globo Gym tomorrow and we're probably gonna lose. 938 01:03:36,020 --> 01:03:41,691 It's the truth. The sooner you guys get that through your head, the easier this will all be. 939 01:03:43,110 --> 01:03:45,695 Jesus Christ. 940 01:03:46,155 --> 01:03:48,323 He didn't mean that. 941 01:03:48,407 --> 01:03:52,661 - Is he being serious? - He's probably just stressed out. 942 01:03:52,745 --> 01:03:55,622 I've never seen him like that. 943 01:03:57,750 --> 01:04:01,503 Gar, matey, where are you headed? Peter... 944 01:04:01,587 --> 01:04:04,256 You are not a pirate. 945 01:04:11,931 --> 01:04:16,601 OK, guys. Let's get out of here and get some rest for tomorrow, right? 946 01:04:19,605 --> 01:04:23,149 (♪ "Lady in Red" by Chris de Burgh) 947 01:04:24,235 --> 01:04:26,111 Dwight, uh... 948 01:04:26,195 --> 01:04:31,241 I'm gonna catch up with you guys later. I'm gonna have a bathroom... go to the drink... 949 01:04:31,325 --> 01:04:33,118 in the bathroom. 950 01:04:33,202 --> 01:04:35,787 Whatever you do, wash your hands. 951 01:04:46,173 --> 01:04:48,842 Excuse me, miss. I was wondering if... 952 01:04:48,926 --> 01:04:51,469 You are the one who stares at me. 953 01:04:51,554 --> 01:04:53,930 Why is this? 954 01:04:54,015 --> 01:04:58,643 Because I think you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. 955 01:05:05,109 --> 01:05:07,485 Watch it, freak. 956 01:05:18,414 --> 01:05:20,123 (tyres screech/car horn) 957 01:05:20,207 --> 01:05:22,626 Go back to Treasure Island! 958 01:05:22,710 --> 01:05:25,170 Fag! 959 01:05:25,254 --> 01:05:27,339 Screw you! 960 01:05:39,644 --> 01:05:43,521 Katie, bar the door. It's time for the championship match 961 01:05:43,564 --> 01:05:45,982 here on ESPN8- the "Ocho". 962 01:05:46,067 --> 01:05:50,111 We've seen it all here, folks. Grit, determination, incontinence. 963 01:05:50,196 --> 01:05:52,781 And it's all come down to this - a Cinderella story. 964 01:05:52,865 --> 01:05:57,661 Average Joe's Gymnasium hopes to drive their vorpal blade snicker-snack 965 01:05:57,745 --> 01:06:01,790 into the heart of the dodgeball Jabberwocky that is the Globo Gym Purple Cobras, 966 01:06:01,874 --> 01:06:05,794 and walk away with $50,000 in stone-cold cash. 967 01:06:05,878 --> 01:06:10,006 Hello, everybody, and welcome to what you've all been waiting for. 968 01:06:10,049 --> 01:06:13,927 A David-and-Goliath story truer than the Bible itself. 969 01:06:14,011 --> 01:06:18,098 The championship dodgeball match here on ESPN8- the "Ocho". 970 01:06:20,810 --> 01:06:22,519 Peter? 971 01:06:24,855 --> 01:06:26,481 Peter? 972 01:06:26,565 --> 01:06:29,150 Hello? 973 01:06:29,235 --> 01:06:30,568 Peter? 974 01:06:30,653 --> 01:06:33,488 Come on, everybody headed down... 975 01:06:41,330 --> 01:06:42,914 (sighs) 976 01:06:42,999 --> 01:06:44,916 So what happens on a double fault? 977 01:06:45,001 --> 01:06:50,338 On a double fault you go to sudden-death elimination. It's Continuation Rule 113-D. 978 01:06:50,423 --> 01:06:53,174 - Whatever. - Hey, guys, wait up. 979 01:06:57,179 --> 01:06:58,596 Justin! 980 01:06:58,681 --> 01:07:02,934 - I've been looking for you everywhere. - Really? I mean, why? What's up? 981 01:07:03,019 --> 01:07:07,188 Derek fell off the roller coaster and broke every bone in his body. 982 01:07:07,273 --> 01:07:08,732 Oh, my God, that's awful. 983 01:07:08,774 --> 01:07:12,402 We were the centre Kewpie. With no centre Kewpie we can't do our routine. 984 01:07:12,445 --> 01:07:15,530 - Oh, no. I'm sorry. - You gotta do it. 985 01:07:15,614 --> 01:07:17,282 What?! 986 01:07:17,366 --> 01:07:19,451 No, no, no, no, no. I... I can't. 987 01:07:19,535 --> 01:07:23,371 Oh, please. You are the only one in Las Vegas who knows our routine. 988 01:07:23,456 --> 01:07:29,044 - The dodgeball championship's at noon. - You'll be back in time. I promise. 989 01:07:29,128 --> 01:07:30,503 (mouths) 990 01:07:32,089 --> 01:07:33,757 - All right, I'll do it. - Yes! 991 01:07:33,841 --> 01:07:35,967 - I gotta tell the guys. - No. No time. 992 01:07:36,052 --> 01:07:37,719 - I gotta tell the guys. - No time! 993 01:07:39,597 --> 01:07:44,601 Average Joe's are a 50-1 underdog here today. No one is giving them much of a chance. 994 01:07:44,685 --> 01:07:46,519 What do you think, Pep? 995 01:07:46,604 --> 01:07:48,772 I spoke to White Goodman before the match 996 01:07:48,856 --> 01:07:53,985 and he told me that his team really wants to win this one. 997 01:07:54,028 --> 01:07:57,489 Right. And the stage is set for Darwin's cruellest play to unfold. 998 01:07:57,531 --> 01:08:01,326 So don't go anywhere, folks. The Schadenfreude is about to begin. 999 01:08:01,410 --> 01:08:05,830 - I don't understand. Why would Peter leave? - He knows we're gonna get killed. 1000 01:08:05,915 --> 01:08:11,169 Hey. That's not true. I don't know why Peter left, but we can do this without him. 1001 01:08:11,295 --> 01:08:14,506 We just have to figure it out. Owen, you'll have to play. 1002 01:08:14,590 --> 01:08:18,009 - OK, yeah. - Great. But we'll still be two players short. 1003 01:08:18,094 --> 01:08:22,222 We're still missing the teenage love-puppy and Steve the Pirate. 1004 01:08:22,306 --> 01:08:24,766 Who's Steve the Pirate? 1005 01:08:24,850 --> 01:08:28,686 The only guy on our team who dresses like a pirate. 1006 01:08:28,771 --> 01:08:32,941 Wait. There's a guy on our team dressed like a pirate? 1007 01:08:34,527 --> 01:08:42,283 (PA) And now, let's hear it for the West Davenport High School Charging Donkeys! 1008 01:08:42,368 --> 01:08:46,037 - Donkeys! Whoo! - (all shout) 1009 01:09:09,103 --> 01:09:10,728 Go, Donkeys! 1010 01:09:13,566 --> 01:09:16,568 - We did it! - Holy cow! My God! 1011 01:09:16,694 --> 01:09:20,071 - Oh, it was perfect. You were perfect. - Oh, God, I gotta go. 1012 01:09:20,156 --> 01:09:22,407 Wait. Aren't you gonna stay for the trophy? 1013 01:09:22,533 --> 01:09:25,326 I'm sorry, Amber. I got my own trophy to win. 1014 01:09:42,011 --> 01:09:44,512 Now I'm going. 1015 01:09:49,518 --> 01:09:54,272 (Cotton) Here come the Purple Cobras, led by White Goodman. All business. 1016 01:09:54,356 --> 01:09:57,942 We haven't seen Average Joe's yet. They haven't made it to the court. 1017 01:09:58,027 --> 01:10:01,571 It could be a psychological ploy, or something worse. 1018 01:10:01,655 --> 01:10:06,075 (Pepper) They're definitely not on the court, Cotton. Their absence is noticeable. 1019 01:10:06,160 --> 01:10:10,914 (Cotton) We'll be right back after these words from our sponsors... 1020 01:10:12,625 --> 01:10:14,918 Can I get a bottle of water? 1021 01:10:17,421 --> 01:10:19,797 Aren't you Peter La Fleur? 1022 01:10:20,799 --> 01:10:24,552 - Lance Armstrong? - Yeah, that's me. But I'm a big fan of yours. 1023 01:10:24,637 --> 01:10:28,514 - Really? - Yeah, I've been watching the dodgeball. 1024 01:10:28,599 --> 01:10:33,603 I just can't get enough of it. I'm really pullin' for you against those jerks from Globo Gym. 1025 01:10:34,230 --> 01:10:37,649 I think you better hurry up or you're gonna be late. 1026 01:10:37,733 --> 01:10:42,195 - Actually, I decided to quit, Lance. - Quit? 1027 01:10:43,030 --> 01:10:49,160 Once I thought of quittin', when I had brain, lung and testicular cancer at the same time. 1028 01:10:49,870 --> 01:10:52,664 But with the support of my friends I got back on the bike 1029 01:10:52,790 --> 01:10:55,500 and I won the Tour de France five times in a row. 1030 01:10:55,542 --> 01:10:59,587 But I'm sure you have a good reason to quit. 1031 01:10:59,672 --> 01:11:03,299 What are you dying from that's keepin' you from the finals? 1032 01:11:03,384 --> 01:11:07,595 Right now, it feels a little bit like... shame. 1033 01:11:07,680 --> 01:11:13,476 If people never quit when the going got tough they'd have nothing to regret all their lives. 1034 01:11:13,560 --> 01:11:18,564 Good luck to you, Peter. I'm sure this decision won't haunt you forever. 1035 01:11:25,030 --> 01:11:29,117 Steve? Steve the Pirate? "Scurvy!" 1036 01:11:29,201 --> 01:11:33,413 - No. Not ringing any bells. - Forget it, man. 1037 01:11:33,497 --> 01:11:37,792 We'll play with four people. It's not an advantage. Can't you bend the rules? 1038 01:11:37,876 --> 01:11:42,255 There's nothing I can do. Rules are rules. You don't have enough players. 1039 01:11:42,381 --> 01:11:46,384 Inform the committee and Mr Goodman about Average Joe's forfeit. 1040 01:11:46,427 --> 01:11:49,721 - Yes, sir. - Better luck next year. 1041 01:11:51,390 --> 01:11:52,974 Excuse me. 1042 01:11:53,058 --> 01:11:56,561 Sorry I'm late. You won't believe what just happened. Hey, guys. 1043 01:11:56,603 --> 01:11:59,397 You're just in time to help us forfeit. 1044 01:11:59,523 --> 01:12:01,566 Forfeit? Why? 1045 01:12:03,527 --> 01:12:06,738 Well, I don't know what to tell you, but... 1046 01:12:06,822 --> 01:12:10,867 Yes, I'm being told that Average Joe's does not have enough players 1047 01:12:10,951 --> 01:12:13,911 and will be forfeiting the championship match. 1048 01:12:13,996 --> 01:12:17,081 It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for 'em. 1049 01:12:17,166 --> 01:12:22,837 To the tournament floor we go, for the sceptre presentation from the Dodgeball Chancellor. 1050 01:12:22,921 --> 01:12:26,716 Ladies and gentlemen, by the power vested in me 1051 01:12:26,800 --> 01:12:32,055 by our governing body, the American Dodgeball Association of America, 1052 01:12:32,139 --> 01:12:36,851 and in concurrence with our sponsors, Lumber Liquidators and Omaha Steaks, 1053 01:12:36,935 --> 01:12:39,103 it gives me great pleasure 1054 01:12:39,188 --> 01:12:44,108 to declare the winner of this year's Las Vegas International Tournament to be... 1055 01:12:44,193 --> 01:12:46,444 Wait! He's here! 1056 01:12:50,908 --> 01:12:53,659 Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late. 1057 01:12:53,786 --> 01:12:55,870 We're ready to play, Your Honour. 1058 01:12:55,954 --> 01:13:00,958 Too late. Your lovable band of losers already forfeited. The trophy and money are mine. 1059 01:13:01,001 --> 01:13:04,587 He's right. The team already forfeited. There's nothing you can do. 1060 01:13:04,671 --> 01:13:08,007 Facial, La Fleur! Total facial! Whoo! 1061 01:13:08,509 --> 01:13:10,385 Actually, that's not true. 1062 01:13:10,469 --> 01:13:14,764 The committee can overrule the chancellor - that's you, sir - by a two-thirds vote. 1063 01:13:14,848 --> 01:13:17,183 He's right. He's right. It's a bylaw. 1064 01:13:19,353 --> 01:13:21,979 - It's a bylaw! - What's a bylaw? 1065 01:13:22,981 --> 01:13:26,526 - (Cotton) Hang on a second here, folks. - (all chant) Let them play! 1066 01:13:26,652 --> 01:13:30,530 We might just have a championship game yet. 1067 01:13:30,614 --> 01:13:33,699 Listen to this crowd. 1068 01:13:33,826 --> 01:13:35,993 Unbelievable! 1069 01:13:36,078 --> 01:13:41,416 Pepper, it's clear what the crowd wants, but the committee members have the final say. 1070 01:13:41,500 --> 01:13:44,752 And it looks like they've come to a decision. 1071 01:13:44,837 --> 01:13:47,630 Joe's needs two "yes" votes to play. 1072 01:13:47,714 --> 01:13:51,134 - There's a thumbs-up. Good news for Joe's. - Oh, please. 1073 01:13:51,218 --> 01:13:54,429 - Let's see how our second judge votes. - Thank you. 1074 01:13:54,513 --> 01:14:01,686 Oh, tough sledding there. It's all even. Their fate hangs on the thumb of our final judge. 1075 01:14:01,728 --> 01:14:05,314 Thumbs up! Average Joe's can play! 1076 01:14:05,399 --> 01:14:08,693 That is pure poppycock! You're gonna let them do that? 1077 01:14:08,777 --> 01:14:12,280 - Thank you, Chuck Norris. - Thank you, Peter. 1078 01:14:14,074 --> 01:14:17,743 All right, captains. Shake hands, and let's have a clean match. 1079 01:14:17,828 --> 01:14:19,912 Good luck, White. 1080 01:14:21,415 --> 01:14:24,625 Cram it up your cramhole, La Fleur. 1081 01:14:24,710 --> 01:14:28,171 Prepare to be humiliated on cable television. 1082 01:14:28,255 --> 01:14:30,339 Whatever. 1083 01:14:32,301 --> 01:14:35,470 - Nice of you to show up. - Yeah, I thought so too. 1084 01:14:35,554 --> 01:14:38,473 What? I got a plan. 1085 01:14:40,392 --> 01:14:46,439 Let's play smart. Wait for two-on-ones. Cover closely for your pick-ups. What's our motto? 1086 01:14:46,523 --> 01:14:48,733 - "Aim low". - That's right. 1087 01:14:48,817 --> 01:14:51,819 All I'm asking is that you give it your best for Patches. 1088 01:14:51,904 --> 01:14:56,199 I say we go out there, let it all hang loose, try to have some fun. 1089 01:14:56,283 --> 01:14:58,951 I mean, it's only dodgeball, right? 1090 01:14:59,036 --> 01:15:03,164 - Put 'em in. One, two, three. - (all) Joe's! 1091 01:15:26,772 --> 01:15:29,065 Globo Gym, ready? 1092 01:15:29,149 --> 01:15:32,068 Average Joe's, ready? 1093 01:15:34,363 --> 01:15:35,363 Dodgeball! 1094 01:15:35,447 --> 01:15:40,868 (Cotton) Championship match is under way. Average Joe's versus the Globo Gym Goliath. 1095 01:15:42,162 --> 01:15:44,914 Quick elimination there for Kate Veatch. 1096 01:15:46,250 --> 01:15:49,502 White Goodman's hit, but that ball's up for grabs. And... 1097 01:15:49,586 --> 01:15:51,546 - It's caught! - That's a catch. 1098 01:15:51,630 --> 01:15:55,216 - You're out, La Fleur. - (Cotton) Peter La Fleur has gotta sit down. 1099 01:15:55,300 --> 01:15:58,553 And Joe's has lost their two best players early. 1100 01:15:58,929 --> 01:16:01,138 Dwight Baumgarten still playing hard. 1101 01:16:01,181 --> 01:16:03,933 Hits Me'Shell Jones right on the dome! 1102 01:16:03,976 --> 01:16:05,977 You're mine next time. 1103 01:16:08,897 --> 01:16:14,318 Oh! Right in the tokus! 2-1, ese, and Globo Gym is dominating. 1104 01:16:18,365 --> 01:16:20,825 - Hi. - Hey. 1105 01:16:22,703 --> 01:16:25,496 - You're out! - (Cotton) I don't know what that was, 1106 01:16:25,581 --> 01:16:30,376 but it leaves Joe's on the wrong side of a 4-2 advantage. 1107 01:16:30,460 --> 01:16:33,504 Joe's gets an elimination. It's two on three. 1108 01:16:33,589 --> 01:16:35,214 Get out! 1109 01:16:35,299 --> 01:16:37,675 Gordo! Lose your temper! Get mad! 1110 01:16:39,636 --> 01:16:43,806 White Goodman with a catch! Gordon Pibb goes out, Me'Shell Jones comes back in. 1111 01:16:43,890 --> 01:16:45,683 You're out, four-eyes. 1112 01:16:45,726 --> 01:16:50,187 Well, it's all up to Average Joe's youngest member. He's gotta make a play here, Pepper. 1113 01:16:50,272 --> 01:16:51,981 Word, Cotton. 1114 01:16:52,065 --> 01:16:57,445 Four Cobras and one Joe. Even a rabid mongoose wouldn't have a chance now. 1115 01:16:57,529 --> 01:17:00,281 - Nice dodge. - Stay alive! Stay alive! 1116 01:17:02,451 --> 01:17:04,869 They're just toying with the young man now. 1117 01:17:04,953 --> 01:17:07,913 (Pepper) He's gotta avoid getting hit. That's the key. 1118 01:17:07,998 --> 01:17:09,832 Justin, let's go! 1119 01:17:11,043 --> 01:17:12,543 What a great catch! 1120 01:17:12,669 --> 01:17:16,047 And another! Peter La Fleur comes back into the game. 1121 01:17:16,131 --> 01:17:20,134 Just like that, a three-player swing. Joe's isn't done yet. 1122 01:17:20,218 --> 01:17:21,844 Justin! 1123 01:17:21,928 --> 01:17:24,513 I love you! 1124 01:17:24,598 --> 01:17:26,515 I love you t... 1125 01:17:27,225 --> 01:17:29,268 Joanie loves Chachi! 1126 01:17:29,353 --> 01:17:33,105 Two players left on each side. What a match. What a sport. 1127 01:17:33,732 --> 01:17:39,445 Throw out the rule book, folks, it's down and dirty now. Street dodgeball. 1128 01:17:41,156 --> 01:17:44,992 Look out! La Fleur goes down - he's a sitting duck! 1129 01:17:50,082 --> 01:17:56,212 How about that, folks? Kate Veatch takes the bullet for Peter La Fleur. Now that's sacrifice. 1130 01:17:56,296 --> 01:18:01,258 As touching a moment as we've seen on the dodgeball court all tournament. 1131 01:18:01,343 --> 01:18:02,051 Hey! 1132 01:18:02,094 --> 01:18:04,762 A blatant cheap shot from White Goodman. 1133 01:18:04,888 --> 01:18:09,600 - That's court misconduct! That's a warning! - Oh, come on! Gimme a break! 1134 01:18:10,727 --> 01:18:12,269 - You OK? - Yeah, I'm fine. 1135 01:18:12,354 --> 01:18:14,855 - Jesus. Are you sure? - Yeah. I'm all right. 1136 01:18:14,940 --> 01:18:18,109 - It was an accident. I thought she was in play. - Not a chance. 1137 01:18:18,193 --> 01:18:21,237 We're sweating like greased monkeys. I can't hold on to a ball. 1138 01:18:21,279 --> 01:18:24,573 Sorry, miss, but you're out. You gotta get off the court. 1139 01:18:24,616 --> 01:18:26,409 Watch him, man. 1140 01:18:26,493 --> 01:18:28,828 - Hey, Peter. - Yeah? 1141 01:18:28,912 --> 01:18:30,705 Kick his ass. 1142 01:18:31,289 --> 01:18:34,458 - (Cotton) Here's the restart. - Players, to your positions. 1143 01:18:34,543 --> 01:18:39,046 Looks like it's gonna be a two-on-one, a ménage à trois of pain. 1144 01:18:39,131 --> 01:18:42,883 Usually you pay double for that kind of action, Cotton. 1145 01:18:44,845 --> 01:18:48,597 You're playing ready dodgeball. Balls are at your feet. 1146 01:18:48,682 --> 01:18:51,016 Ready? Dodgeball! 1147 01:18:51,101 --> 01:18:56,230 It's a cat-and-mouse game, folks. Peter La Fleur has gotta wait for his shot. 1148 01:18:59,651 --> 01:19:02,278 He gets the elimination! 1149 01:19:03,488 --> 01:19:09,243 Oh, my! Globo Gym wins! A Cinderella story cast asunder! 1150 01:19:09,327 --> 01:19:13,456 Average Joe's has come all this way for nothing. Absolutely nothing. 1151 01:19:13,498 --> 01:19:16,292 (Pepper) They're not gonna get anything, Cotton. 1152 01:19:17,461 --> 01:19:21,589 No elimination! Double fault! You stepped over the line on the throw. 1153 01:19:21,673 --> 01:19:25,718 What?! You gotta be out of your mind! That is the worst call I've ever seen! 1154 01:19:25,802 --> 01:19:30,181 I'm out here busting my butt and you come in with a bush-league call like that? Bullcrap! 1155 01:19:30,265 --> 01:19:35,269 ADAA Continuation Rule 113-D, sir. Sudden death! 1156 01:19:35,353 --> 01:19:36,812 All right! Bring it! 1157 01:19:36,897 --> 01:19:40,357 (Cotton) I don't believe it, folks. Sudden death. 1158 01:19:40,442 --> 01:19:42,193 Well, let me tell you, 1159 01:19:42,277 --> 01:19:48,115 a double-fault final-play elimination hasn't occurred since the Helsinki episode of 1919, 1160 01:19:48,200 --> 01:19:50,951 and I think we all remember how that turned out. 1161 01:19:51,036 --> 01:19:57,708 Ladies and gentlemen, it's the greatest happening in sport. Sudden-death dodgeball. 1162 01:19:57,793 --> 01:20:00,169 Pepper needs new shorts! 1163 01:20:02,214 --> 01:20:05,424 White, Peter, this is sudden death. 1164 01:20:05,884 --> 01:20:11,472 Only striking an opposing player eliminates him. Catching the ball does nothing. 1165 01:20:11,556 --> 01:20:15,559 Both feet must remain in the triangle at all times. 1166 01:20:15,644 --> 01:20:20,356 You may throw any time after my call. Understood? 1167 01:20:21,274 --> 01:20:25,110 OK. Let's have a clean match. Good luck, gentlemen. 1168 01:20:25,612 --> 01:20:28,531 This is it, La Loser. 1169 01:20:29,991 --> 01:20:33,702 You ready for the - whoo! - hurricane? 1170 01:20:34,788 --> 01:20:38,541 Just don't go cryin' to mama when I spank you in front of all these people. 1171 01:20:39,668 --> 01:20:44,755 You don't go crying to your daddy after I wipe it up with your face. 1172 01:20:46,341 --> 01:20:49,260 - Oh, White? - Yeah? 1173 01:20:49,344 --> 01:20:53,973 - You look awful fat in those pants. - (referee) Players, to your positions. 1174 01:20:54,099 --> 01:20:57,893 (Cotton) This is about gamesmanship. Throw early and you're defenceless. 1175 01:20:57,936 --> 01:21:04,108 Throw late and you're eliminated. Dilemma, thy name is dodgeball. 1176 01:21:04,192 --> 01:21:07,319 This sport doesn't build character, it reveals it. 1177 01:21:07,404 --> 01:21:10,489 Effin' A, Cotton. Effin' A! 1178 01:21:12,284 --> 01:21:14,368 Come on, talk to me. 1179 01:21:15,954 --> 01:21:18,205 Listen up, crotch stain. 1180 01:21:18,290 --> 01:21:22,668 Remember your training and trust your instincts. 1181 01:21:22,752 --> 01:21:25,546 You can do it. I believe in you. 1182 01:21:28,466 --> 01:21:30,259 Bye-bye. 1183 01:21:30,343 --> 01:21:31,385 Right. 1184 01:21:31,469 --> 01:21:34,388 (referee) Players, turn and step in. 1185 01:21:50,155 --> 01:21:52,698 What the hell's he doing? 1186 01:21:52,824 --> 01:21:55,451 I don't know. 1187 01:21:57,537 --> 01:21:58,829 Get a load of this guy. 1188 01:21:58,872 --> 01:22:02,750 In 23 years of broadcasting I thought I'd seen it all, folks. 1189 01:22:02,834 --> 01:22:06,754 But it looks like Peter La Fleur has actually blindfolded himself. 1190 01:22:06,838 --> 01:22:09,632 He will not be able to see very well, Cotton. 1191 01:22:19,184 --> 01:22:21,727 Ready? 1192 01:22:26,524 --> 01:22:27,900 Dodgeball! 1193 01:22:27,984 --> 01:22:29,902 (all gasp) 1194 01:22:32,656 --> 01:22:34,907 Whoo-hooey! 1195 01:22:34,991 --> 01:22:37,284 Goodbye, Peter. 1196 01:22:37,369 --> 01:22:40,204 I always knew you were weak. 1197 01:22:43,708 --> 01:22:46,502 Air Goodman, comin' at ya! 1198 01:22:51,299 --> 01:22:52,591 No-o-o! 1199 01:22:54,302 --> 01:22:57,429 (Cotton) Down goes Goodman! Down goes Goodman! 1200 01:22:57,555 --> 01:23:00,891 Winner! Average Joe's! 1201 01:23:04,396 --> 01:23:08,107 - (Cotton) Do you believe in unlikelihoods? - Wow! 1202 01:23:08,191 --> 01:23:11,443 Average Joe's shocking the dodgeball world 1203 01:23:11,528 --> 01:23:15,739 and upsetting Globo Gym in the championship match. 1204 01:23:15,824 --> 01:23:17,199 Unbelievable! 1205 01:23:17,283 --> 01:23:21,745 I have been to the Great Wall of China. I have seen the Pyramids of Egypt. 1206 01:23:21,830 --> 01:23:24,415 I've even witnessed a grown man satisfy a camel. 1207 01:23:24,499 --> 01:23:26,834 But never in all my years as a sportscaster 1208 01:23:26,918 --> 01:23:32,089 have I witnessed something as improbable, as impossible, as what we've witnessed here. 1209 01:23:32,173 --> 01:23:36,969 The little team that could, Average Joe's Gymnasium, underdogs throughout, 1210 01:23:37,053 --> 01:23:41,932 stand before us, aglow, as true dodgeball champions. 1211 01:23:42,017 --> 01:23:46,687 On behalf of the American Dodgeball Association of America, 1212 01:23:46,771 --> 01:23:51,275 it is my honour to present to you this cheque for $50,000. 1213 01:23:51,359 --> 01:23:53,485 (cheering and shouting) 1214 01:23:57,532 --> 01:24:00,617 What are you so happy about, La Fleur? None of this matters. 1215 01:24:00,660 --> 01:24:05,247 You signed your gym over to me last night, remember? You lost, I won. 1216 01:24:05,331 --> 01:24:07,499 Suck failure, freaks. 1217 01:24:07,584 --> 01:24:10,836 Peter, is that true? 1218 01:24:10,920 --> 01:24:12,921 Yeah, it's true. 1219 01:24:13,006 --> 01:24:16,341 It's true I sold Average Joe's to White. 1220 01:24:16,426 --> 01:24:18,886 It's true that every man has his price. 1221 01:24:18,970 --> 01:24:23,974 And it's also true that money won is a lot sweeter than money earned. 1222 01:24:24,059 --> 01:24:28,437 - Now he's a philosophiser. - Excuse us. Step aside, please. 1223 01:24:29,564 --> 01:24:31,982 Your winnings, Mr La Fleur. Congratulations. 1224 01:24:32,025 --> 01:24:36,070 - Right on time. I appreciate it. Thank you. - What is that? W-what winnings? 1225 01:24:36,154 --> 01:24:40,824 Gosh, I totally forgot to tell you. I took the $100,000 bribe that you gave me last night, 1226 01:24:40,909 --> 01:24:43,994 and I put it on us to win. We were going off at 50-1. 1227 01:24:44,079 --> 01:24:47,498 Anyone? Top of your head? What's 50 times $100,000? 1228 01:24:47,582 --> 01:24:48,999 $50,000? 1229 01:24:49,084 --> 01:24:53,170 $5 million. Peter, are you kidding me? 1230 01:24:53,254 --> 01:24:55,422 Surprise. 1231 01:24:58,718 --> 01:25:03,931 Stick it in your ear, La Fleur. I wouldn't sell you your gym back for all King Midas's silver. 1232 01:25:04,015 --> 01:25:08,852 The gym is mine. So you can take your band of yellow-bellied losers and crawl out of here. 1233 01:25:08,937 --> 01:25:11,897 You're right. I can't make you sell Average Joe's to me. 1234 01:25:11,981 --> 01:25:15,818 So I guess I'll just take your advice and invest in something. 1235 01:25:15,902 --> 01:25:20,155 - Say the controlling stake of Globo Gym. - That's preposterous. I'd never allow it. 1236 01:25:20,240 --> 01:25:24,034 Globo Gym is a publicly traded company. There's nothing you can do about it. 1237 01:25:24,119 --> 01:25:29,581 So I would control Globo Gym and everything that Globo Gym owns, 1238 01:25:29,666 --> 01:25:33,836 which, as of last night, is Average Joe's Gym. 1239 01:25:35,213 --> 01:25:36,672 I'm your new boss, White. 1240 01:25:36,756 --> 01:25:40,134 You can't be my boss! Nobody can! I'm my own boss! I created myself! 1241 01:25:40,218 --> 01:25:43,428 - You're fired, pal. - You can't do anything to me! 1242 01:25:43,972 --> 01:25:47,057 You're going down, La Fleur, like a sweet muffin. 1243 01:25:47,142 --> 01:25:50,769 - Another time, another time. - You suck, La Fleur! 1244 01:25:52,647 --> 01:25:54,731 Give me that. 1245 01:25:57,610 --> 01:25:59,653 Man, the blindfold was crazy. 1246 01:25:59,737 --> 01:26:01,613 Hey. 1247 01:26:01,739 --> 01:26:04,408 (normal accent) Peter. 1248 01:26:04,492 --> 01:26:07,077 Look. It's Steve the Pirate. 1249 01:26:09,539 --> 01:26:10,581 Wow. 1250 01:26:10,707 --> 01:26:15,878 I just wanted to tell you that I thought about what you said, and... 1251 01:26:16,921 --> 01:26:19,256 I guess you're right. 1252 01:26:19,340 --> 01:26:21,717 I'm not really a pirate. 1253 01:26:23,052 --> 01:26:25,637 I don't know, Steve. 1254 01:26:25,722 --> 01:26:27,931 If you're not a pirate, 1255 01:26:28,016 --> 01:26:31,894 who the hell am I gonna split all that buried treasure with? 1256 01:26:33,229 --> 01:26:35,230 Gar! 1257 01:26:37,025 --> 01:26:38,901 (pirate accent) Peter... 1258 01:26:38,985 --> 01:26:40,861 Gar, Steve. 1259 01:26:43,406 --> 01:26:45,324 Ha haar! 1260 01:26:46,367 --> 01:26:48,035 We missed you! 1261 01:26:51,039 --> 01:26:52,706 Hey, you. 1262 01:26:52,790 --> 01:26:54,875 Hey, you. 1263 01:26:56,586 --> 01:26:58,629 - Joyce? - Kate. 1264 01:26:59,088 --> 01:27:03,634 - I thought you were in Guam. - I caught an early flight. I wouldn't miss this. 1265 01:27:03,718 --> 01:27:05,969 You are amazing. 1266 01:27:09,641 --> 01:27:14,269 - I told you she was a lesbian. - Wow. Good call. 1267 01:27:14,771 --> 01:27:17,856 Hey. I'm not a lesbian. 1268 01:27:17,941 --> 01:27:19,608 You're not? 1269 01:27:19,692 --> 01:27:21,235 No. 1270 01:27:21,319 --> 01:27:23,779 I'm bisexual. 1271 01:27:25,031 --> 01:27:27,324 Oh! Snap! 1272 01:27:27,909 --> 01:27:31,411 All right, everybody. Smile big. 1273 01:27:36,292 --> 01:27:40,212 Hi. I'm Peter La Fleur, owner and operator of Average Joe's Gym. 1274 01:27:40,296 --> 01:27:43,966 I'm here to tell you you're perfect just the way you are. 1275 01:27:44,050 --> 01:27:49,763 But if you feel like losin' a few pounds, gettin' healthier, and makin' friends in the process, 1276 01:27:49,847 --> 01:27:51,682 Joe's is the place for you. 1277 01:27:51,724 --> 01:27:55,185 Don't forget that youth dodgeball classes are forming right now. 1278 01:27:55,270 --> 01:28:00,148 So come on down and learn a great game the way it's supposed to be played. Right, kids? 1279 01:28:00,233 --> 01:28:02,359 (all) Right! 1280 01:28:08,366 --> 01:28:10,492 (mimics children's laughter) 1281 01:28:11,869 --> 01:28:14,037 Spare me. 1282 01:28:14,122 --> 01:28:16,623 I won that tournament. 1283 01:28:19,294 --> 01:28:22,129 Fucking Chuck Norris. 1284 01:28:22,213 --> 01:28:26,341 (♪ "Different Drum" by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes) 1285 01:29:38,664 --> 01:29:41,792 (♪ "Still in Me" by the Bleacher Heroes) 1286 01:31:27,607 --> 01:31:30,775 Yeah. I hope you're all happy now. 1287 01:31:30,860 --> 01:31:33,403 Good guy wins, bad guy loses. 1288 01:31:33,488 --> 01:31:36,072 Big friggin' surprise. 1289 01:31:37,158 --> 01:31:39,159 I love happy endings. 1290 01:31:42,163 --> 01:31:46,500 You know, that's the problem with the American cinema. 1291 01:31:46,584 --> 01:31:49,085 Can't handle any complexity in it, you know? 1292 01:31:49,170 --> 01:31:53,423 "Don't make me think, I just wanna be entertained. " 1293 01:31:53,466 --> 01:31:55,425 All right, fine. 1294 01:31:55,468 --> 01:31:59,137 You want a little somethin'- somethin' for the ride home? 1295 01:31:59,263 --> 01:32:01,765 Check these boots out for size. 1296 01:32:01,807 --> 01:32:03,558 (♪ "Milkshake" by Kelis) 1297 01:32:03,643 --> 01:32:05,852 ♪ My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard 1298 01:32:05,937 --> 01:32:08,104 ♪ And they're like, "It's better than yours" 1299 01:32:08,189 --> 01:32:10,148 ♪ Damn right, it's better than yours 1300 01:32:10,233 --> 01:32:12,901 ♪ I could teach you, but I'd have to charge 1301 01:32:13,945 --> 01:32:18,114 ♪ What the boys go crazy for 1302 01:32:19,408 --> 01:32:20,617 ♪ They lose their minds 1303 01:32:20,660 --> 01:32:23,036 ♪ My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard 1304 01:32:23,120 --> 01:32:24,913 ♪ Damn right, it's better than yours 1305 01:32:24,997 --> 01:32:28,625 ♪ I could teach you, but I'd have to charge 1306 01:32:30,336 --> 01:32:33,421 You happy? Fatty make a funny?