1 00:00:02,764 --> 00:00:07,764 Visit www.Fortunebet99.cc Trusted Secure Online Gambling Agent 2 00:00:07,766 --> 00:00:09,875 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Bonus New Member 500 Thousand Cashback Parlay 10 Million 3 00:00:20,898 --> 00:00:23,637 Comedy Special Steve Rolls Sbobet Sportsbook 1.25% Maxbet Sportsbook Rolls 1.5% 4 00:00:23,639 --> 00:00:27,317 It might confuse at this time, Roll Live Casino Sbobet 338A 1% Rollingan Live Casino Maxbet 1.2% 5 00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:29,237 and I get it BBM: 2C05FBF1 LINE: FORTUNEBET99 6 00:00:32,612 --> 00:00:36,461 I'm known to do messed up. Wechat: FORTUNEBET99 Whatsapp: +66875578326 7 00:00:36,463 --> 00:00:37,551 Oh, shit. 8 00:00:46,474 --> 00:00:48,542 I've done it for a very long time. 9 00:00:50,515 --> 00:00:52,553 Oh, damn it! 10 00:00:52,555 --> 00:00:54,393 Ow! Owww! 11 00:00:54,395 --> 00:00:56,544 Ow, damn it! 12 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,496 But I will tell you, 13 00:01:08,498 --> 00:01:10,476 I started doing it stand-up comedy in 2006. 14 00:01:10,478 --> 00:01:12,416 I don't know what this is amphetamine, 15 00:01:12,418 --> 00:01:13,596 Xanax, grass, or liquor, 16 00:01:13,598 --> 00:01:15,577 But I feel really great. 17 00:01:17,559 --> 00:01:21,418 I have toured nonstop for the last five years. 18 00:01:21,420 --> 00:01:23,438 All that I have done over the past five years, 19 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:26,448 really my life, has caused this. 20 00:01:26,450 --> 00:01:28,569 I know that people don't know what is expected of this, 21 00:01:28,571 --> 00:01:32,409 but they will never damn just forget about it 22 00:01:32,411 --> 00:01:34,590 Go there and give it to them, Steve-O. 23 00:01:34,592 --> 00:01:36,530 Give them hard. 24 00:01:38,422 --> 00:01:39,450 Women and men, 25 00:01:39,452 --> 00:01:40,501 Steve-O! 26 00:01:44,613 --> 00:01:47,582 Steve-O! Steve-O! 27 00:02:41,472 --> 00:02:43,530 Clean in half a bastard. 28 00:02:43,532 --> 00:02:45,411 Yes! 29 00:02:45,413 --> 00:02:46,591 This is a big problem. 30 00:02:46,593 --> 00:02:48,521 Yes! 31 00:02:48,523 --> 00:02:52,582 What are the four thumbs up and love blowjobs? 32 00:03:13,517 --> 00:03:15,645 I fucking love blowjobs, man. 33 00:03:17,618 --> 00:03:20,528 Does anyone want it? 34 00:03:27,419 --> 00:03:29,417 Fuck, Austin, Texas! 35 00:03:29,419 --> 00:03:31,428 What is happening? 36 00:03:34,540 --> 00:03:37,499 This is the biggest night my life has ever been! 37 00:03:37,501 --> 00:03:39,519 And thank you very much for being here 38 00:03:41,461 --> 00:03:44,560 It's fucking down. 39 00:03:44,562 --> 00:03:48,490 So I started answering the question, okay 40 00:03:48,492 --> 00:03:51,461 Because I've got this since the first day. 41 00:03:51,463 --> 00:03:53,561 How is it all? Jackass's goods start? 42 00:03:53,563 --> 00:03:56,612 People want to know my secret to break into the show business, 43 00:03:56,614 --> 00:03:58,652 and I will tell you, I have three 44 00:03:58,654 --> 00:04:01,562 I am a terrible student. 45 00:04:01,564 --> 00:04:03,563 Attention whorehouse 46 00:04:05,465 --> 00:04:07,463 And drug addicts. 47 00:04:07,465 --> 00:04:08,654 That helps. 48 00:04:08,656 --> 00:04:10,564 When I was in high school, man, 49 00:04:10,566 --> 00:04:12,634 Not only, like, my value is a problem 50 00:04:12,636 --> 00:04:14,584 A week before graduation, 51 00:04:14,586 --> 00:04:16,635 I was transported to counselor guidance office 52 00:04:16,637 --> 00:04:20,535 He said, "We know already have been dealing with drugs, big time 53 00:04:20,537 --> 00:04:22,516 And if you think we will not expel you 54 00:04:22,518 --> 00:04:24,536 only one week before graduation, 55 00:04:24,538 --> 00:04:27,516 think again, because it happened. " 56 00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:29,477 But it's only my words against the word 57 00:04:29,479 --> 00:04:31,607 from all new students I sell acid to. 58 00:04:31,609 --> 00:04:33,467 Yes. , 59 00:04:33,469 --> 00:04:35,518 and I went to University of Miami, 60 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:37,508 where in two weeks the class started 61 00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:40,528 I was in the final probation period. dorm, 62 00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:43,549 I failed my class, and I left, 63 00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:47,480 64 00:04:47,482 --> 00:04:50,500 65 00:04:50,502 --> 00:04:52,520 66 00:04:52,522 --> 00:04:56,491 67 00:04:56,493 --> 00:04:59,541 I want to call overachieving. 68 00:04:59,543 --> 00:05:02,482 So I'm on my way out of the University of Miami, 69 00:05:02,484 --> 00:05:03,572 and people ask me, like, 70 00:05:03,574 --> 00:05:05,572 "Well, how are you? will do it now?" 71 00:05:05,574 --> 00:05:09,433 And I told them, "I will do it video recordings fucked-up shit, 72 00:05:09,435 --> 00:05:11,633 and I will be a famous crazy stuntman." 73 00:05:11,635 --> 00:05:13,464 Yes! 74 00:05:13,466 --> 00:05:15,564 Everyone thinks the same thing. 75 00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:18,534 "Too bad." 76 00:05:18,536 --> 00:05:21,575 But I don't care because I have a vision, 77 00:05:21,577 --> 00:05:24,665 and I have special expertise. 78 00:05:24,667 --> 00:05:28,646 I am really good when I drink bong water. 79 00:05:31,458 --> 00:05:33,507 I will squeeze lemon juice 80 00:05:33,509 --> 00:05:36,617 to my eyes anytime 81 00:05:36,619 --> 00:05:39,448 And on special occasions, 82 00:05:39,450 --> 00:05:40,658 I will let people strangle me 83 00:05:40,660 --> 00:05:42,618 completely unconscious 84 00:05:44,490 --> 00:05:46,649 Women and men, are here 85 00:05:46,651 --> 00:05:49,629 is the top UFC fighter, 86 00:05:49,631 --> 00:05:52,630 American Army Ranger 87 00:05:52,632 --> 00:05:55,660 and snipers, Tim Kennedy. 88 00:05:55,662 --> 00:05:58,461 Make some noise. 89 00:06:34,648 --> 00:06:35,646 Wake up! 90 00:06:35,648 --> 00:06:37,567 We get a show to do! 91 00:06:53,661 --> 00:06:55,459 Did he drop me? 92 00:06:55,461 --> 00:06:56,560 Yes! 93 00:06:56,562 --> 00:06:59,560 Yes? Do I fall? 94 00:06:59,562 --> 00:07:00,640 Yes! 95 00:07:00,642 --> 00:07:03,671 Fuck, I don't remember. 96 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:08,521 The craziest thing is that with all these special skills, 97 00:07:08,523 --> 00:07:11,582 no one hires me 98 00:07:11,584 --> 00:07:14,492 My life is sucked in 99 00:07:14,494 --> 00:07:15,603 until I know 100 00:07:15,605 --> 00:07:20,463 Ringling Bros. and Barnum & amp; Bailey Clown College. 101 00:07:21,625 --> 00:07:25,624 I'm like, "Dude, if I can graduate from there, 102 00:07:25,626 --> 00:07:29,665 people will take me seriously as a stuntman." 103 00:07:29,667 --> 00:07:32,485 And it's completely free to enter 104 00:07:32,487 --> 00:07:34,665 The only thing they, like, is charged for you 105 00:07:34,667 --> 00:07:39,486 Do you like custom made clown costumes. 106 00:07:39,488 --> 00:07:41,497 Not only do I enter, 107 00:07:41,499 --> 00:07:43,517 they free my costume fees. 108 00:07:43,519 --> 00:07:46,517 So I went to Clown College about damn scholarships 109 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:52,638 But the best thing 110 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,639 is when I go to Clown College, 111 00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:58,499 my cousin went to a mortar school, 112 00:07:58,501 --> 00:08:00,630 and our mother very much argue 113 00:08:00,632 --> 00:08:03,490 whose son is a bigger loser. 114 00:08:05,532 --> 00:08:07,571 I graduated from Clown College, 115 00:08:07,573 --> 00:08:09,541 But I'm not one of the clowns that is picked to work 116 00:08:09,543 --> 00:08:11,561 for circus animal torture 117 00:08:11,563 --> 00:08:15,462 So I have to borrow $ 20 118 00:08:15,464 --> 00:08:17,522 to buy Greyhound Bus tickets 119 00:08:17,524 --> 00:08:19,682 to return to my sister's house 120 00:08:19,684 --> 00:08:21,653 and hang my favorite clown costume in the closet 121 00:08:21,655 --> 00:08:24,573 while doing nothing, 122 00:08:24,575 --> 00:08:26,494 and I sell wild grass. 123 00:08:26,496 --> 00:08:28,474 And the bag of weeds I sell 124 00:08:29,556 --> 00:08:31,534 125 00:08:31,536 --> 00:08:34,615 do not weigh what they should weigh. 126 00:08:36,577 --> 00:08:39,586 But after I'm done rip you, 127 00:08:39,588 --> 00:08:42,676 I will show you a cool trick. 128 00:08:42,678 --> 00:08:45,646 Allow me to show. 129 00:08:48,499 --> 00:08:52,618 I will pour drinks for myself. 130 00:08:52,620 --> 00:08:55,688 I will balance this drink in my head. 131 00:08:55,690 --> 00:08:57,618 As soon as I release the cup, 132 00:08:57,620 --> 00:09:00,579 Both of my arms go down completely by my side 133 00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:03,619 While this drink is balanced in my head, 134 00:09:03,621 --> 00:09:06,630 I am not allowed to raise my hand at all, 135 00:09:06,632 --> 00:09:11,470 and I have to drink it without spilling one drop. 136 00:09:11,472 --> 00:09:13,521 I will ask you if you are ready... 137 00:09:14,663 --> 00:09:16,641 But I know not. 138 00:10:10,652 --> 00:10:13,650 But if I really rip you off, 139 00:10:13,652 --> 00:10:17,531 I feel I owe you a bigger trick 140 00:10:58,609 --> 00:11:02,488 And this is very good I know the trick, 141 00:11:02,490 --> 00:11:05,638 because my life sucks dick. 142 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:08,639 I like, "I need a plan." 143 00:11:08,641 --> 00:11:09,689 And one thing I can think about it 144 00:11:09,691 --> 00:11:12,489 is how scared I am always 145 00:11:12,491 --> 00:11:13,689 when I'm walking on my big stage 146 00:11:13,691 --> 00:11:18,510 Like, man, if I fall, I will mess. 147 00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:20,571 That's it. 148 00:11:20,573 --> 00:11:22,541 So I call people I know 149 00:11:22,543 --> 00:11:23,721 in skateboard magazines in California. 150 00:11:23,723 --> 00:11:27,592 I say, "Oh, man, I will go go to my stage 151 00:11:27,594 --> 00:11:30,682 and be light all over me Costume is stilted on fire. 152 00:11:30,684 --> 00:11:34,563 I will open the beer and pound it 153 00:11:34,565 --> 00:11:36,563 while I tip 154 00:11:36,565 --> 00:11:38,543 = = and splash on concrete. " 155 00:11:39,685 --> 00:11:43,604 So these people from skateboard magazines say, 156 00:11:43,606 --> 00:11:46,645 "We will shoot it." 157 00:11:46,647 --> 00:11:48,725 They wait until I go there to say, 158 00:11:48,727 --> 00:11:52,545 "Hey, this isn't just for skateboard magazines. 159 00:11:52,547 --> 00:11:55,696 This is for pilots for a television program on MTV 160 00:11:55,698 --> 00:11:57,666 exclaims Jackass." 161 00:12:01,639 --> 00:12:03,587 Now when Jackass comes out, 162 00:12:03,589 --> 00:12:06,578 I mean, I'm ready. 163 00:12:06,580 --> 00:12:09,668 The first thing I did did I move to LA, 164 00:12:09,670 --> 00:12:11,668 and when I got there We jumped on an airplane 165 00:12:11,670 --> 00:12:14,679 and fly to Europe to go special episode films 166 00:12:14,681 --> 00:12:17,589 racing cars through all these countries 167 00:12:17,591 --> 00:12:20,720 Now, I know we will go being in the car for five days, 168 00:12:20,722 --> 00:12:23,620 so I challenge me Friend Jackass Chris Pontius 169 00:12:23,622 --> 00:12:25,691 for a friendly competition 170 00:12:25,693 --> 00:12:28,691 to see who can ejaculate most often in the car while it's full of dudes 171 00:12:28,693 --> 00:12:32,562 and driving on the road. 172 00:12:32,564 --> 00:12:35,662 That's the rule. 173 00:12:35,664 --> 00:12:38,503 So the race starts in London, England 174 00:12:38,505 --> 00:12:40,503 175 00:12:40,505 --> 00:12:41,593 Fireworks explode 176 00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:43,613 The cars are peeled. 177 00:12:43,615 --> 00:12:45,664 Pontius and I start tugging. 178 00:12:47,686 --> 00:12:49,674 But that's daylight outside, 179 00:12:49,676 --> 00:12:51,625 and our friends wake up. 180 00:12:51,627 --> 00:12:54,615 We can't even get angry. 181 00:12:54,617 --> 00:12:56,535 But that doesn't stop us. 182 00:12:56,537 --> 00:12:58,716 We pull our wet noodles, just giggling, 183 00:12:58,718 --> 00:13:00,686 "Aah!" 184 00:13:00,688 --> 00:13:02,666 And London has all of that double decker bus, 185 00:13:02,668 --> 00:13:04,697 so everyone of them passes 186 00:13:04,699 --> 00:13:07,567 everyone on the upper deck just looks down right. 187 00:13:07,569 --> 00:13:10,548 "Aghh!" 188 00:13:10,550 --> 00:13:12,518 And we don't want to stop. 189 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:15,558 We really sweat profusely, just soaking wet. 190 00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:18,619 I gave myself an abrasion. 191 00:13:18,621 --> 00:13:19,729 We arrived on the coast of England, 192 00:13:19,731 --> 00:13:21,609 driving a car to the train, 193 00:13:21,611 --> 00:13:22,689 which is under the ocean 194 00:13:22,691 --> 00:13:24,610 and spit us to France. 195 00:13:24,612 --> 00:13:26,530 Still jacking. 196 00:13:26,532 --> 00:13:27,630 Car jacking. 197 00:13:29,513 --> 00:13:31,691 Nothing works until we get to Belgium, 198 00:13:31,693 --> 00:13:34,541 where the night is dark. 199 00:13:34,543 --> 00:13:37,632 Pontius is asleep Next to me in the back seat. 200 00:13:37,634 --> 00:13:39,732 Johnny Knoxville is sleeping in the passenger seat 201 00:13:39,734 --> 00:13:41,672 in front of me. 202 00:13:41,674 --> 00:13:43,573 The producer is awake, 203 00:13:43,575 --> 00:13:44,733 but he drives, is looking. 204 00:13:44,735 --> 00:13:46,683 I have some privacy. 205 00:13:46,685 --> 00:13:49,704 I can take it myself dating. 206 00:13:51,716 --> 00:13:53,734 And that works, and I can feel it, 207 00:13:53,736 --> 00:13:57,675 and there are so many forces behind the load 208 00:13:57,677 --> 00:14:01,525 after all it's interesting and try 209 00:14:01,527 --> 00:14:05,586 When I finally criticized it to the car window, 210 00:14:05,588 --> 00:14:07,666 It's really surprising I don't break damn things 211 00:14:07,668 --> 00:14:09,747 I mean, it seems like I shot it 212 00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:11,627 with a bunch of paintballs. 213 00:14:11,629 --> 00:14:13,567 Bow arc bow! 214 00:14:13,569 --> 00:14:15,698 That's amazing, and I can't believe it. 215 00:14:15,700 --> 00:14:17,668 I just woke up Johnny Knoxville, 216 00:14:17,670 --> 00:14:18,748 "Dude, Knoxville, wake up! 217 00:14:18,750 --> 00:14:20,728 Take the camera, man. This film!" 218 00:14:20,730 --> 00:14:23,679 I want him to hurry immediately that all drizzled too far, 219 00:14:23,681 --> 00:14:25,569 do you know? 220 00:14:25,571 --> 00:14:27,590 So Knoxville is just shooting 221 00:14:27,592 --> 00:14:28,670 all this comes, 222 00:14:28,672 --> 00:14:31,600 panning on it while he asks, 223 00:14:31,602 --> 00:14:34,661 "What's that in the window, Steve-O?" 224 00:14:34,663 --> 00:14:36,741 And when he got to me, I left, 225 00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:39,681 "I don't know," you know? 226 00:14:39,683 --> 00:14:41,712 So we filmed the load after the load. 227 00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:44,652 "Pontius, what is that? in your suit?" 228 00:14:44,654 --> 00:14:47,723 "Beat me," you know? 229 00:14:47,725 --> 00:14:51,723 And MTV doesn't end 230 00:14:56,606 --> 00:14:59,645 There are eight of them, by the way, okay? 231 00:14:59,647 --> 00:15:02,735 We are bound by four loads each. 232 00:15:02,737 --> 00:15:05,555 But it's not long before I get myself 233 00:15:05,557 --> 00:15:07,716 reputation as a guy who will do anything, 234 00:15:09,758 --> 00:15:12,647 But then we shoot the first film , 235 00:15:12,649 --> 00:15:15,737 and I have to push a toy car on my ass 236 00:15:15,739 --> 00:15:18,677 I have put things in my ass. 237 00:15:22,740 --> 00:15:25,639 I will never do it again, because I'm vegan now 238 00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:30,669 But I never really appeared my cherry butt 239 00:15:30,671 --> 00:15:31,759 I don't care This idea is very funny, you know? 240 00:15:31,761 --> 00:15:33,760 and my butt hurts, like, you know 241 00:15:35,712 --> 00:15:37,620 I need a... " 242 00:15:37,622 --> 00:15:39,551 The problem is that I accidentally I told my father that idea, 243 00:15:39,553 --> 00:15:43,551 244 00:15:43,553 --> 00:15:47,752 and something about the way he said, "Oh, no..." 245 00:15:47,754 --> 00:15:50,532 He is, like, super successful businessman 246 00:15:50,534 --> 00:15:51,633 I know it's shocking, 247 00:15:51,635 --> 00:15:53,583 But he can handle a lot of things. 248 00:15:53,585 --> 00:15:56,543 A car in my ass, like, crosses the line 249 00:15:58,546 --> 00:16:00,634 "I can't do it. I have to go back," you know? 250 00:16:00,636 --> 00:16:03,624 I said, "Conversely, I think I can drink 251 00:16:03,626 --> 00:16:05,545 the whole beer through my nose 252 00:16:05,547 --> 00:16:06,715 If you make me a beer bong where the hose 253 00:16:06,717 --> 00:16:08,715 fork into two thin hoses, 254 00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:11,536 I will put it in every nostril. " 255 00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:12,726 So they made it for me. 256 00:16:12,728 --> 00:16:15,576 I appeared on the set. I pour beer into it. 257 00:16:15,578 --> 00:16:17,547 Stuck a hose in my nose and... 258 00:16:18,719 --> 00:16:20,667 I tell you, I hit the beer so fast, 259 00:16:20,669 --> 00:16:22,597 it's amazing, 260 00:16:22,599 --> 00:16:24,718 but no one else Even giggled, 261 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:26,618 and then Knoxville says, 262 00:16:26,620 --> 00:16:28,618 "It's sucked. 263 00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:30,709 Lift your butt." 264 00:16:32,661 --> 00:16:34,699 For that I immediately answered, 265 00:16:34,701 --> 00:16:36,570 "We are already established, 266 00:16:36,572 --> 00:16:39,620 I don't put nonsense up my ass!" 267 00:16:39,622 --> 00:16:41,570 What is certain makes me avoid 268 00:16:41,572 --> 00:16:43,611 If I leave it there, I must be free and clear. 269 00:16:43,613 --> 00:16:45,561 But then I added stupid, 270 00:16:45,563 --> 00:16:47,083 "And maybe also won't work." 271 00:16:49,614 --> 00:16:51,572 But now we must find out if it works, 272 00:16:51,574 --> 00:16:54,672 because we are scientists, you know? 273 00:16:54,674 --> 00:16:57,703 So I am aware I fucked myself, you know? 274 00:16:57,705 --> 00:16:59,753 Literally. 275 00:16:59,755 --> 00:17:01,773 And they are cut thin hose, 276 00:17:01,775 --> 00:17:03,624 so I look at the barrel 277 00:17:03,626 --> 00:17:06,746 of thick penis, bile bile beer hose. 278 00:17:08,677 --> 00:17:10,605 And if you think you know this story 279 00:17:10,607 --> 00:17:12,545 because you see her butt In the second film, 280 00:17:12,547 --> 00:17:13,605 I will remind you, this is the first 281 00:17:13,607 --> 00:17:14,695 No one has seen this. 282 00:17:14,697 --> 00:17:16,716 I started by getting 283 00:17:16,718 --> 00:17:20,656 butt butt dick and naked balls 284 00:17:20,658 --> 00:17:24,587 Unless I save my shoes. 285 00:17:24,589 --> 00:17:26,707 I lie on the ground in a public parking lot 286 00:17:26,709 --> 00:17:29,668 we are shooting, 287 00:17:29,670 --> 00:17:31,668 and I took the beer hose 288 00:17:31,670 --> 00:17:35,669 and I just go for it full strength. 289 00:17:35,671 --> 00:17:37,569 That's shocking 290 00:17:37,571 --> 00:17:40,629 how easy it is to slide in 291 00:17:40,631 --> 00:17:43,710 I'm not ready for that, man! 292 00:17:43,712 --> 00:17:45,750 I feel embarrassed to have my friends 293 00:17:45,752 --> 00:17:49,651 standing around watching it Enter easily, 294 00:17:49,653 --> 00:17:51,741 and I am very confused on drugs and alcohol 295 00:17:51,743 --> 00:17:55,662 It doesn't even occur to me to pretend to struggle with it. 296 00:18:00,695 --> 00:18:02,673 No, it entered right in. 297 00:18:02,675 --> 00:18:04,723 And people are fascinated now. 298 00:18:04,725 --> 00:18:07,664 You know, they can pour that beer into my butthole 299 00:18:07,666 --> 00:18:08,784 immediately. 300 00:18:08,786 --> 00:18:10,674 They jump around singing, 301 00:18:10,676 --> 00:18:13,605 "Chug, chug, chug!" 302 00:18:13,607 --> 00:18:15,715 And immediately I can feel the cold beer 303 00:18:15,717 --> 00:18:20,596 in my asshole... as you do 304 00:18:20,598 --> 00:18:21,786 But nothing really happened. 305 00:18:21,788 --> 00:18:25,656 You know, I'm tensed, I'm loosening, 306 00:18:25,658 --> 00:18:27,647 I wobble, 307 00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:31,587 and then I do it all above and kick. 308 00:18:31,589 --> 00:18:35,768 Look, level of beer drops 309 00:18:35,770 --> 00:18:37,758 My asshole sucks. 310 00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:42,579 That's amazing. People will be wild. 311 00:18:42,581 --> 00:18:44,579 This is the most beautiful thing they've seen, 312 00:18:44,581 --> 00:18:45,760 and me... Now I'm rocking, 313 00:18:45,762 --> 00:18:47,610 and I kick. 314 00:18:47,612 --> 00:18:49,620 Of course, I get the rhythm. 315 00:18:49,622 --> 00:18:51,631 Ba-bum, ba-bum, ba-bum. 316 00:18:51,633 --> 00:18:56,591 My butthole is bad take that nonsense right? 317 00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:58,742 But I don't know if it's because I haven't slept yet 318 00:18:58,744 --> 00:19:00,662 For three days, 319 00:19:00,664 --> 00:19:04,623 I don't do anything except cocaine For some reason, 320 00:19:06,785 --> 00:19:08,773 as much as this beer goes in my bastard, 321 00:19:08,775 --> 00:19:11,734 all cloudy, yeast, cloudy, 322 00:19:11,736 --> 00:19:16,614 brown dirt comes out, like, go straight to the hose. 323 00:19:16,616 --> 00:19:19,755 You can see it, 324 00:19:19,757 --> 00:19:21,635 325 00:19:21,637 --> 00:19:23,795 the beer starts murkier and murkier 326 00:19:23,797 --> 00:19:25,696 It feels like watching Budweiser 327 00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:27,666 changed to Sam Adams 328 00:19:29,758 --> 00:19:31,757 And it's very disgusting 329 00:19:31,759 --> 00:19:33,737 even my friends can't accept it 330 00:19:33,739 --> 00:19:37,788 Like, "Chug, chug," changed to, "Oh, God, oh!" 331 00:19:37,790 --> 00:19:40,668 So, like, they decide to stop. 332 00:19:40,670 --> 00:19:42,788 Come out beer bong and they take it. 333 00:19:42,790 --> 00:19:47,589 I lie on the ground butt-naked, full, 334 00:19:47,591 --> 00:19:48,729 and I giggle. 335 00:19:50,722 --> 00:19:52,780 Because I can feel it what is happening, 336 00:19:52,782 --> 00:19:56,601 and I squeeze it. 337 00:19:56,603 --> 00:19:58,721 I will say I fart, 338 00:19:58,723 --> 00:20:00,721 but my butthole spits... 339 00:20:02,584 --> 00:20:06,662 Dark, beer smells of coffee. 340 00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:09,623 Looks like my bastard is chewing tobacco 341 00:20:12,805 --> 00:20:14,733 And I laugh, and like... 342 00:20:14,735 --> 00:20:16,734 but suddenly, I got this inspiration. 343 00:20:16,736 --> 00:20:18,794 This good idea came to me, 344 00:20:18,796 --> 00:20:20,614 and I, like, rocking. 345 00:20:20,616 --> 00:20:23,675 I go up to this Yoga pose is crazy, right? 346 00:20:23,677 --> 00:20:25,725 Like, I mean, I, like, right in the air 347 00:20:25,727 --> 00:20:27,615 My body is curled up 348 00:20:27,617 --> 00:20:29,656 like me to suck my own penis, 349 00:20:29,658 --> 00:20:31,756 but I don't. 350 00:20:31,758 --> 00:20:35,737 I throw the rest of the beer into my own mouth 351 00:20:36,789 --> 00:20:39,617 I know! I know, it's dirty! 352 00:20:39,619 --> 00:20:42,588 I drink dirt directly from the tap 353 00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:45,678 And I, "Aah!" And I drink it. 354 00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:47,659 Yes, I drink it, You know, like... 355 00:20:47,661 --> 00:20:49,599 And the most extraordinary thing 356 00:20:49,601 --> 00:20:50,769 is that it's not in the film. 357 00:20:50,771 --> 00:20:51,799 I ask the director, I like, 358 00:20:51,801 --> 00:20:53,669 "Why not? in the movie?" 359 00:20:53,671 --> 00:20:55,650 He said, "Because it's illegal." 360 00:20:57,622 --> 00:21:00,683 Like, I don't understand. I still don't understand. 361 00:21:01,773 --> 00:21:03,781 But you get the idea, right? 362 00:21:03,783 --> 00:21:05,621 At this point you can see 363 00:21:05,623 --> 00:21:07,662 that I have my problem 364 00:21:07,664 --> 00:21:09,602 I definitely... 365 00:21:09,604 --> 00:21:11,662 I am an alcoholic and drug addict, 366 00:21:11,664 --> 00:21:14,783 but I've been clean and conscious for a while now, huh 367 00:21:16,755 --> 00:21:21,674 This is actually almost eight years 368 00:21:24,676 --> 00:21:26,695 And... 369 00:21:26,697 --> 00:21:28,705 And I don't know why you will cheer for that, 370 00:21:28,707 --> 00:21:30,735 because I don't even recommend it, you know? 371 00:21:30,737 --> 00:21:32,665 Right? 372 00:21:32,667 --> 00:21:34,816 If you don't have to get drunk, fuck it. 373 00:21:34,818 --> 00:21:36,806 But I really have to, because, like, 374 00:21:36,808 --> 00:21:38,806 I've been aware since Johnny Knoxville 375 00:21:38,808 --> 00:21:40,727 pulling an intervention on me 376 00:21:40,729 --> 00:21:42,767 And you know you have messed up problems 377 00:21:42,769 --> 00:21:45,758 when your interventionist is Johnny Knoxville 378 00:21:47,650 --> 00:21:48,788 Yes, like... 379 00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:52,759 We have this law in California right? 380 00:21:52,761 --> 00:21:54,679 This is called 5150. 381 00:21:54,681 --> 00:21:56,799 It is said if you are dangerous to yourself, 382 00:21:56,801 --> 00:21:58,790 they can lock you in the psychiatric ward 383 00:21:58,792 --> 00:22:00,730 against your will 384 00:22:00,732 --> 00:22:04,650 So Knoxville carries, like, the whole gang of Jackass, 385 00:22:04,652 --> 00:22:06,711 like, cameraman, director, director... 386 00:22:06,713 --> 00:22:08,641 all the damn crews, 387 00:22:08,643 --> 00:22:12,692 and they appear to stop me from hurting myself 388 00:22:12,694 --> 00:22:15,632 after a bastard helped me for ten years 389 00:22:17,674 --> 00:22:19,733 That intervention Knoxville pulled me 390 00:22:19,735 --> 00:22:20,813 not my first. 391 00:22:20,815 --> 00:22:22,803 That, like, fourth or fifth, 392 00:22:22,805 --> 00:22:24,664 But the problem is about the first 393 00:22:24,666 --> 00:22:26,694 Do I hallucinate all of them. 394 00:22:26,696 --> 00:22:29,624 I swear, I do so many drugs, 395 00:22:29,626 --> 00:22:30,825 several times all these people 396 00:22:30,827 --> 00:22:32,665 appeared in my apartment 397 00:22:32,667 --> 00:22:33,785 I see them coming in. 398 00:22:33,787 --> 00:22:35,745 Some of them come through the wall 399 00:22:35,747 --> 00:22:37,696 And... 400 00:22:37,698 --> 00:22:40,626 Yes, they sit me to have this serious talk, 401 00:22:40,628 --> 00:22:41,796 and then it turns out none of them 402 00:22:41,798 --> 00:22:43,747 ever existed at all, 403 00:22:43,749 --> 00:22:47,607 and that's when you know your problem is very serious, 404 00:22:47,609 --> 00:22:50,720 When your hallucinations worry about you 405 00:22:52,610 --> 00:22:54,768 So I have to be aware, and I do it 406 00:22:54,770 --> 00:22:58,719 Right. 407 00:22:58,721 --> 00:23:02,749 But then it turns out I'm also a sex addict. 408 00:23:05,752 --> 00:23:08,760 And frankly, it will be very amazing if I'm not a sex addict 409 00:23:08,762 --> 00:23:12,631 with a body like this. 410 00:23:12,633 --> 00:23:13,801 Women and men, Vanessa is beautiful. 411 00:24:24,794 --> 00:24:26,833 You kick my ball so hard, 412 00:24:31,715 --> 00:24:33,634 I drink more lemon juice in my eyes 413 00:24:33,636 --> 00:24:34,916 I think there are people who have joined television with regularity are sex addicts Yes! 414 00:24:44,827 --> 00:24:48,716 Yes, because there are women out there, 415 00:24:48,718 --> 00:24:49,826 if they see you on TV 416 00:24:49,828 --> 00:24:51,636 and then they see you in real life, 417 00:24:51,638 --> 00:24:52,817 they turn into baseball sellers. 418 00:24:52,819 --> 00:24:54,807 419 00:24:54,809 --> 00:24:58,807 420 00:24:58,809 --> 00:25:02,708 421 00:25:02,710 --> 00:25:05,739 "Fresh pussy!" 422 00:25:05,741 --> 00:25:08,659 "Hot taco!" 423 00:25:08,661 --> 00:25:11,741 "Get beavers!" 424 00:25:13,702 --> 00:25:15,640 They are bad Slinging that crap. 425 00:25:15,642 --> 00:25:16,750 And they don't care if you are the person from subway ads 426 00:25:16,752 --> 00:25:18,811 Yes I know. 427 00:25:21,763 --> 00:25:23,771 I'm very upset with him. 428 00:25:23,773 --> 00:25:26,754 There has never been a tame-faced bastard 429 00:25:29,634 --> 00:25:31,773 on television, period, ever. 430 00:25:31,775 --> 00:25:34,633 And I always know He is in Subway or not, 431 00:25:34,635 --> 00:25:37,754 he is eating fresh 432 00:25:37,756 --> 00:25:39,714 But then he appeared on the news 433 00:25:44,627 --> 00:25:46,705 because apparently he likes even fresher 434 00:25:46,707 --> 00:25:48,775 than I thought 435 00:25:48,777 --> 00:25:52,766 So Jackass comes out, 436 00:25:52,768 --> 00:25:54,756 437 00:25:54,758 --> 00:25:57,849 and I am very prepared to cut beavs. 438 00:25:59,819 --> 00:26:01,667 One day, early days, 439 00:26:01,669 --> 00:26:03,628 I'm playing with this girl, 440 00:26:03,630 --> 00:26:05,798 and immediately after he pulls out my wiener, 441 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:08,638 he is all serious and he looks at me and says, 442 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:10,739 "I have a bad accident." 443 00:26:10,741 --> 00:26:13,809 And I think, what's the matter? 444 00:26:13,811 --> 00:26:18,720 Then he said, "Prepare for fun." 445 00:26:18,722 --> 00:26:20,790 Then he pulled away his teeth. 446 00:26:21,852 --> 00:26:23,721 Yes, yes. 447 00:26:23,723 --> 00:26:24,831 All the front teeth are top 448 00:26:24,833 --> 00:26:26,811 attached for this, 449 00:26:26,813 --> 00:26:31,672 like this. 450 00:26:31,674 --> 00:26:35,753 But that's all The upper front teeth. 451 00:26:35,755 --> 00:26:38,803 But don't feel bad for me. 452 00:26:38,805 --> 00:26:42,834 Because when that tooth comes out, it's awesome! 453 00:26:42,836 --> 00:26:44,814 I can't wait to say Knoxville and the people. 454 00:26:44,816 --> 00:26:48,725 I'm like, "Dudes, the girl doesn't give me hummer. 455 00:26:48,727 --> 00:26:51,665 That is a gummer." 456 00:26:51,667 --> 00:26:52,815 And they love so many stories, 457 00:26:52,817 --> 00:26:54,805 they track sharks without teeth 458 00:26:54,807 --> 00:26:56,796 to bite me in a movie, That's why there is a scene 459 00:26:56,798 --> 00:26:58,776 named "Whale Shark Gummer." 460 00:26:58,778 --> 00:27:01,809 Yes, and I'm sure you think Jackass is shallow. 461 00:27:04,719 --> 00:27:06,817 So... the third Jackass movie, 462 00:27:06,819 --> 00:27:08,818 I am clean and conscious all the time, 463 00:27:08,820 --> 00:27:11,728 but my sex addiction The less crazy. 464 00:27:11,730 --> 00:27:13,848 We promote the film in Texas 465 00:27:13,850 --> 00:27:15,789 You know where 466 00:27:15,791 --> 00:27:17,819 Fucking Austin. 467 00:27:20,741 --> 00:27:21,850 And I'm at this event. 468 00:27:21,852 --> 00:27:23,870 I can talk to a beautiful girl. 469 00:27:23,872 --> 00:27:26,860 I told him, "Man, I'm ready get out of here 470 00:27:26,862 --> 00:27:29,831 Do you think you can give me ride to my hotel?" 471 00:27:29,833 --> 00:27:32,661 And I know, he's down. 472 00:27:32,663 --> 00:27:34,702 He is like, "Yes." We left immediately. 473 00:27:34,704 --> 00:27:35,822 We entered the car. 474 00:27:35,824 --> 00:27:38,692 Both of his friends ran through the parking lot, 475 00:27:38,694 --> 00:27:40,845 "Steve-O, do you want two more girls?" 476 00:27:43,825 --> 00:27:47,814 Hmmm, well, of course I don't want to be rude 477 00:27:47,816 --> 00:27:50,714 So I got into the car with three girls 478 00:27:50,716 --> 00:27:53,675 I sit in the back seat, 479 00:27:53,677 --> 00:27:54,835 panic 480 00:27:54,837 --> 00:27:56,875 The whole trip to the hotel I just thought, 481 00:27:56,877 --> 00:27:58,725 "This is the worst time 482 00:27:58,727 --> 00:28:01,656 being premature ejaculation." 483 00:28:01,658 --> 00:28:02,806 Because of that I am, man. 484 00:28:02,808 --> 00:28:05,656 If the pesky tree falls in the forest, 485 00:28:05,658 --> 00:28:07,687 You can pretty much bank on me blowing the load 486 00:28:07,689 --> 00:28:08,877 before landing. 487 00:28:10,849 --> 00:28:14,758 And I have a good idea what will go down, 488 00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:17,878 but I can't imagine everything three girls get a turn. 489 00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:19,849 Every type of turn. 490 00:28:19,851 --> 00:28:22,799 I can't imagine all three of them getting a glimpse 491 00:28:22,801 --> 00:28:26,680 from my cock without it exploding. 492 00:28:26,682 --> 00:28:28,880 So soon, I began to concentrate. 493 00:28:28,882 --> 00:28:31,833 "Grandma sucks." 494 00:28:34,653 --> 00:28:35,801 I am very stressed. 495 00:28:35,803 --> 00:28:36,881 We return to the hotel. 496 00:28:36,883 --> 00:28:38,852 I opened the door of my room. 497 00:28:38,854 --> 00:28:40,772 We all enter. 498 00:28:40,774 --> 00:28:42,862 I climb into bed with the real girl, 499 00:28:42,864 --> 00:28:45,843 while two extra girls just hide in the doorway 500 00:28:45,845 --> 00:28:47,833 like a guard. 501 00:28:47,835 --> 00:28:49,813 The less beautiful extra girl 502 00:28:49,815 --> 00:28:52,776 say to the more beautiful extra girls... 503 00:28:55,736 --> 00:28:58,735 "So, like, are we here? to the chicken block 504 00:28:58,737 --> 00:29:01,855 or we go in?" 505 00:29:01,857 --> 00:29:03,825 The right words 506 00:29:03,827 --> 00:29:06,796 Extra beautiful girls points on the bed and say, 507 00:29:06,798 --> 00:29:09,816 "Go in there and for yourself." 508 00:29:11,719 --> 00:29:13,787 So I lay there. 509 00:29:13,789 --> 00:29:15,737 I feel both of these hands 510 00:29:15,739 --> 00:29:17,698 Lightly tickling their way 511 00:29:17,700 --> 00:29:19,668 up my feet 512 00:29:19,670 --> 00:29:20,868 They start closer and closer. 513 00:29:20,870 --> 00:29:22,698 I think, "Why did you do that? 514 00:29:22,700 --> 00:29:24,669 Stop damn it!" 515 00:29:24,671 --> 00:29:28,669 I start thinking no one will get a turn 516 00:29:28,671 --> 00:29:31,670 Like, the chance of a lifetime will disappear 517 00:29:31,672 --> 00:29:35,740 with my boxer fixated on my left leg 518 00:29:35,742 --> 00:29:37,753 And then comes out I wiener. 519 00:29:40,833 --> 00:29:42,822 And less beautiful extra girls 520 00:29:42,824 --> 00:29:45,772 start giving me blowjob toothiest 521 00:29:45,774 --> 00:29:48,882 You have heard of it. 522 00:29:48,884 --> 00:29:51,823 Aghh-aghh-aghh-aghh! 523 00:29:51,825 --> 00:29:53,793 It feels like damn crocodile 524 00:29:53,795 --> 00:29:56,674 is trying to suck my cock 525 00:29:56,676 --> 00:29:59,714 I looked down, and he put it in the death scroll 526 00:29:59,716 --> 00:30:02,835 Gah! 527 00:30:02,837 --> 00:30:05,845 And I lay there think, "Fuck it! 528 00:30:05,847 --> 00:30:08,856 He keeps me in the game!" 529 00:30:10,698 --> 00:30:14,846 It feels like Shark Week on my cock, 530 00:30:14,848 --> 00:30:16,887 and that's what I need. 531 00:30:16,889 --> 00:30:19,887 But it turns out it's not it's her turn again 532 00:30:19,889 --> 00:30:22,698 So now the more beautiful extra girl, 533 00:30:22,700 --> 00:30:23,848 he starts sucking my wiener, 534 00:30:23,850 --> 00:30:26,688 and he does too good work. 535 00:30:26,690 --> 00:30:28,769 So I panic and I push it away. 536 00:30:28,771 --> 00:30:31,729 "Aah!" 537 00:30:31,731 --> 00:30:32,889 As fast as possible, I get my dick 538 00:30:32,891 --> 00:30:35,740 back to the jaw of hell 539 00:30:35,742 --> 00:30:38,820 Gah-aah-aah-aah! 540 00:30:38,822 --> 00:30:41,711 I am very grateful 541 00:30:41,713 --> 00:30:42,871 to have a stupid girl 542 00:30:42,873 --> 00:30:45,891 chew my schlong. 543 00:30:45,893 --> 00:30:48,752 That is a miracle. The three girls got their turn. 544 00:30:48,754 --> 00:30:50,852 So now the real girl, he took over, 545 00:30:50,854 --> 00:30:53,763 and, like, I can't last again 546 00:30:53,765 --> 00:30:54,903 So I just said it, 547 00:30:54,905 --> 00:30:56,843 "I will come!" 548 00:30:56,845 --> 00:30:59,723 But I didn't say it like that. 549 00:30:59,725 --> 00:31:01,784 I said, 550 00:31:01,786 --> 00:31:04,906 "Aghh-aah-aah!" 551 00:31:06,787 --> 00:31:09,765 Because you have to say something. 552 00:31:09,767 --> 00:31:12,906 If you don't say anything, it's rough 553 00:31:12,908 --> 00:31:16,766 I will tell you why it happened is very important to remind a woman. 554 00:31:16,768 --> 00:31:19,857 Because one day I exploded burden to the mouth of a girl 555 00:31:19,859 --> 00:31:21,887 without warning at all 556 00:31:21,889 --> 00:31:24,767 Even grumbling manners. 557 00:31:26,810 --> 00:31:29,690 And he held it in his mouth. 558 00:31:32,691 --> 00:31:34,799 He rose again and went to give me a kiss. 559 00:31:36,681 --> 00:31:40,800 And he damn spits that crap into my mouth 560 00:31:42,752 --> 00:31:45,721 And I swallow it! 561 00:31:45,723 --> 00:31:46,801 No, I didn't do it. 562 00:31:46,803 --> 00:31:47,861 That's a lie. 563 00:31:47,863 --> 00:31:49,841 I don't swallow it. 564 00:31:49,843 --> 00:31:52,852 That's when I know I'm spitter 565 00:31:55,884 --> 00:31:57,802 But it's been a long time 566 00:31:57,804 --> 00:32:00,893 for me to know what it feels like 567 00:32:00,895 --> 00:32:03,853 It feels like shame. 568 00:32:07,786 --> 00:32:09,724 A sip of my own comes 569 00:32:09,726 --> 00:32:11,685 is the second worst thing It ever happened to me 570 00:32:11,687 --> 00:32:12,885 during intimate meetings, 571 00:32:12,887 --> 00:32:15,845 and I will tell you first. 572 00:32:15,847 --> 00:32:17,916 I bring home strippers from titty bars 573 00:32:17,918 --> 00:32:20,736 Come up with the genius idea to eat her vagina. 574 00:32:20,738 --> 00:32:22,686 Yes! 575 00:32:22,688 --> 00:32:23,887 I got there and I know 576 00:32:23,889 --> 00:32:26,737 he has worked very difficult that night 577 00:32:27,859 --> 00:32:29,877 Maybe even squeezed in one hour of hot yoga. 578 00:32:31,860 --> 00:32:32,898 I feel like I'm making out 579 00:32:32,900 --> 00:32:35,758 with sweaty rifle piles. 580 00:32:37,771 --> 00:32:39,699 It feels like that I use my tongue 581 00:32:39,701 --> 00:32:41,819 to scrape mold from damaged refrigerator 582 00:32:43,922 --> 00:32:45,840 But not so what makes it so bad 583 00:32:45,842 --> 00:32:49,921 There I licked the sweaty pussy and foul odor, 584 00:32:49,923 --> 00:32:51,801 and he farts. 585 00:32:53,713 --> 00:32:56,892 I swear, and that fart doesn't sound like, 586 00:32:56,894 --> 00:32:58,872 "Poot." 587 00:32:58,874 --> 00:33:01,872 Fuck that fucking sounds like, 588 00:33:01,874 --> 00:33:03,833 "Ssss." 589 00:33:03,835 --> 00:33:06,903 That is a steamship. 590 00:33:06,905 --> 00:33:10,894 I can feel the heat. 591 00:33:10,896 --> 00:33:12,714 And so it's finished, 592 00:33:12,716 --> 00:33:14,834 I never saw it in the eyes again. 593 00:33:14,836 --> 00:33:17,717 There are no eyes, you know? 594 00:33:19,887 --> 00:33:22,716 Buttholes. 595 00:33:22,718 --> 00:33:25,806 Quick, let's talk about ass fucking 596 00:33:26,928 --> 00:33:29,697 I have never understood philosophy 597 00:33:29,699 --> 00:33:31,847 stick your pen to someone's butt, 598 00:33:31,849 --> 00:33:33,727 but one night... 599 00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:37,748 I like, you know, with a woman, 600 00:33:37,750 --> 00:33:38,828 feel adventurous. 601 00:33:38,830 --> 00:33:40,798 I brandished my finger with a few spits 602 00:33:41,891 --> 00:33:44,759 I did it in the butthole, 603 00:33:44,761 --> 00:33:45,889 and will you believe it, 604 00:33:45,891 --> 00:33:48,800 I found a terrorist in the cave. 605 00:33:48,802 --> 00:33:51,810 There is something piercing. 606 00:33:51,812 --> 00:33:54,851 That is nonsense. 607 00:33:54,853 --> 00:33:55,931 Really loaded space 608 00:33:55,933 --> 00:33:58,733 The train doesn't leave the station 609 00:34:00,814 --> 00:34:02,892 Now I'm older, 610 00:34:02,894 --> 00:34:05,872 and at some point seems 611 00:34:05,874 --> 00:34:08,703 running around trying to cheat chicks 612 00:34:08,705 --> 00:34:10,823 to be rather sad, do you know? 613 00:34:10,825 --> 00:34:12,823 I decide whether I will do it happy in my life, 614 00:34:12,825 --> 00:34:15,734 I need to learn how to be in a healthy relationship. 615 00:34:15,736 --> 00:34:18,834 Well, how many are you in a relationship? 616 00:34:20,727 --> 00:34:22,875 OK. 617 00:34:22,877 --> 00:34:24,905 - You have children? - No. 618 00:34:24,907 --> 00:34:26,866 Yeah, fuck it right? 619 00:34:28,898 --> 00:34:31,886 I'm pretty sure that having a child isn't for me 620 00:34:33,829 --> 00:34:35,927 One time I started super drunk 621 00:34:35,929 --> 00:34:39,848 very beautiful, amazing 622 00:34:39,850 --> 00:34:41,738 Kat Von D. 623 00:34:44,730 --> 00:34:46,909 We are bowing How stupid we think we are 624 00:34:46,911 --> 00:34:50,749 to get rid of your life like That, you know, has children. 625 00:34:50,751 --> 00:34:53,760 So I said, "Isn't that so It's funny that I have a tattoo 626 00:34:53,762 --> 00:34:56,760 from a baby with a 627 00:34:56,762 --> 00:34:58,861 circle and a slash passes through it?" 628 00:34:58,863 --> 00:35:00,791 Like a "no baby" sign. 629 00:35:00,793 --> 00:35:02,911 We think it's funny, but we keep drinking. 630 00:35:02,913 --> 00:35:04,881 We at South Beach shot 631 00:35:04,883 --> 00:35:07,932 Suddenly the idea turns into a tattoo that says, 632 00:35:07,934 --> 00:35:09,932 "Fuck the baby." 633 00:35:11,885 --> 00:35:13,883 And that's funny. 634 00:35:13,885 --> 00:35:15,833 But we continue to drink, 635 00:35:15,835 --> 00:35:17,844 obviously too much, 636 00:35:17,846 --> 00:35:20,894 because we end up in Miami Ink 637 00:35:20,896 --> 00:35:24,725 tattoo salon where I got a tattoo from a guy fucking a baby. 638 00:35:25,877 --> 00:35:27,855 I know, it's really annoying, 639 00:35:27,857 --> 00:35:29,935 because the artist is very skilled 640 00:35:31,748 --> 00:35:32,826 Not wrong again 641 00:35:32,828 --> 00:35:34,856 what is happening in the image 642 00:35:34,858 --> 00:35:37,867 Drop into tears flying out from baby's eyes 643 00:35:39,819 --> 00:35:40,927 And once I'm finished 644 00:35:40,929 --> 00:35:43,718 get me baby-fucking tattoos, 645 00:35:43,720 --> 00:35:44,848 I step out. 646 00:35:44,850 --> 00:35:46,718 The first person goes down the sidewalk, 647 00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:47,868 all eager to see me. 648 00:35:47,870 --> 00:35:51,739 I say, "Look at my new tattoo." 649 00:35:51,741 --> 00:35:52,949 And even like drunk like me, 650 00:35:52,951 --> 00:35:56,860 fucking horror display on their faces 651 00:35:56,862 --> 00:35:58,930 says I made a big mistake 652 00:35:58,932 --> 00:36:00,890 I can't live with that. 653 00:36:00,892 --> 00:36:03,781 It wasn't long before I appeared in another guest room, 654 00:36:03,783 --> 00:36:05,781 and I said, "Give it to me." 655 00:36:05,783 --> 00:36:07,751 I took the tattoo gun itself 656 00:36:07,753 --> 00:36:08,941 and I drill the baby 657 00:36:08,943 --> 00:36:12,912 until I turn it into a mysterious black blob. 658 00:36:12,914 --> 00:36:15,802 And then I showed it to me Friend Jackass Bam. 659 00:36:15,804 --> 00:36:17,853 He saw it, he said, 660 00:36:17,855 --> 00:36:20,843 "You have to rotate the blob into an ostrich. 661 00:36:35,838 --> 00:36:37,816 When your tattoo cover-up 662 00:36:37,818 --> 00:36:41,767 is a guy fucking an ostrich, 663 00:36:41,769 --> 00:36:42,867 That's when you know you start 664 00:36:42,869 --> 00:36:45,739 with something rotten, you know 665 00:36:47,769 --> 00:36:49,858 But I don't even have it to think about having children 666 00:36:49,860 --> 00:36:51,848 if I can't in a healthy relationship. 667 00:36:51,850 --> 00:36:53,928 So one day I decided, man, what do you know? 668 00:36:53,930 --> 00:36:56,749 It's time to start working to be a man 669 00:36:56,751 --> 00:36:59,769 it's love my life is worthy, 670 00:36:59,771 --> 00:37:01,770 and I start by promising myself 671 00:37:01,772 --> 00:37:03,750 when I'm on the way from here it comes out, 672 00:37:03,752 --> 00:37:05,860 no more playing with random chicks. 673 00:37:07,813 --> 00:37:08,871 All 674 00:37:09,903 --> 00:37:11,771 Yes! 675 00:37:11,773 --> 00:37:15,752 But wherever I go, something appears. 676 00:37:15,754 --> 00:37:17,822 And it becomes very difficult, you know, 677 00:37:17,824 --> 00:37:19,842 to, like, reject opportunity. 678 00:37:19,844 --> 00:37:22,733 Like the first trip I continue, Toronto, 679 00:37:22,735 --> 00:37:24,963 and that's how I just take care of my own business 680 00:37:24,965 --> 00:37:26,774 in the titty bar... 681 00:37:28,836 --> 00:37:30,844 And this is a little pretty 19 year old stripper 682 00:37:30,846 --> 00:37:33,945 with a real big boob coming to me for screening, 683 00:37:33,947 --> 00:37:37,805 and he tied it perfectly A little on my face. 684 00:37:37,807 --> 00:37:39,956 And when I see it I can see he has 685 00:37:39,958 --> 00:37:43,866 My signature tattoo on his ass cheek. 686 00:37:43,868 --> 00:37:45,786 Yes! 687 00:37:45,788 --> 00:37:47,877 And it's not easy to reject a butt piece 688 00:37:47,879 --> 00:37:50,759 with your name on it 689 00:37:52,820 --> 00:37:55,758 Wherever I go, I go bankrupt My promise looks like, 690 00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:57,798 until finally where I like, 691 00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:00,759 "I have a problem," and I start seeing sex therapists. 692 00:38:00,761 --> 00:38:01,949 I asked him to help me change my way, 693 00:38:01,951 --> 00:38:04,869 and he said, "Well, on you then travel to Mississippi 694 00:38:04,871 --> 00:38:06,820 with a big show at the casino, 695 00:38:06,822 --> 00:38:09,830 Once it's done, return to your hotel room 696 00:38:09,832 --> 00:38:12,891 with yourself and call me to check-in. " 697 00:38:12,893 --> 00:38:14,801 So that's what I did. 698 00:38:14,803 --> 00:38:15,921 I do a show, go back to my room, 699 00:38:15,923 --> 00:38:17,881 and I call him, and I say, 700 00:38:17,883 --> 00:38:21,852 "Hey, man, thank you very much for being there for me." 701 00:38:21,854 --> 00:38:24,923 Then I hang up and left. 702 00:38:26,885 --> 00:38:28,803 You know when you are on a diet, 703 00:38:28,805 --> 00:38:30,743 All you can think of is food? 704 00:38:30,745 --> 00:38:32,914 It feels like I changed to werewolves roam 705 00:38:32,916 --> 00:38:35,764 for burger feathers 706 00:38:35,766 --> 00:38:37,845 I go back to the casino, 707 00:38:37,847 --> 00:38:40,905 I am, "Aghh-aah-aah!" 708 00:38:40,907 --> 00:38:42,795 Stalking prey 709 00:38:42,797 --> 00:38:45,756 But all I see is fair a disgusting person 710 00:38:45,758 --> 00:38:47,756 smoking on slot machines 711 00:38:47,758 --> 00:38:48,856 "Aah, hahahahahahahahahaha 712 00:38:48,858 --> 00:38:50,967 And I'm like, "This won't work." 713 00:38:50,969 --> 00:38:52,957 So I returned to the top of my hotel room 714 00:38:52,959 --> 00:38:54,967 and I am on Twitter. 715 00:38:54,969 --> 00:38:57,778 I was thinking there were to be women in the area 716 00:38:57,780 --> 00:38:59,768 who just sent me a message 717 00:38:59,770 --> 00:39:01,798 says that he wants to connect now, 718 00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:04,869 and there are total messages like that 719 00:39:04,871 --> 00:39:08,979 But it comes from someone who doesn't have a profile photo 720 00:39:08,981 --> 00:39:12,830 Only damn eggs 721 00:39:12,832 --> 00:39:15,900 And you know You might be a sex addict 722 00:39:15,902 --> 00:39:19,771 when you invite that damn person to your hotel room, 723 00:39:19,773 --> 00:39:20,841 that's what I did. 724 00:39:20,843 --> 00:39:22,982 I send a private message with my room number 725 00:39:22,984 --> 00:39:24,942 It says, "Come on." 726 00:39:26,864 --> 00:39:28,862 As soon as I hit send, I like, 727 00:39:28,864 --> 00:39:32,823 "What did I just do? 728 00:39:32,825 --> 00:39:36,864 What did I order? to my room?" 729 00:39:36,866 --> 00:39:39,776 Of course, a few moments later... 730 00:39:46,917 --> 00:39:49,766 I hide behind the bed, hold my breath, 731 00:39:49,768 --> 00:39:51,776 think that I'm fair pretend I'm not here, 732 00:39:51,778 --> 00:39:54,856 that person will go 733 00:39:54,858 --> 00:39:58,957 But I'm too curious to do it. 734 00:39:58,959 --> 00:40:00,859 So I tiptoe again. 735 00:40:04,760 --> 00:40:06,758 When I look around my peephole is like, 736 00:40:06,760 --> 00:40:08,861 "Impossible! He's not that bad!" 737 00:40:11,841 --> 00:40:13,919 I mean, he's not so good. 738 00:40:15,762 --> 00:40:16,840 But now, I don't care. 739 00:40:16,842 --> 00:40:17,880 I open the door, I'm like, 740 00:40:17,882 --> 00:40:19,780 "Enter. This is good 741 00:40:19,782 --> 00:40:23,761 Maybe we will watch it film. " 742 00:40:23,763 --> 00:40:26,831 So we go to bed and I ask him," What are you doing? " 743 00:40:26,833 --> 00:40:29,972 He says, " I'm a webcam whore. " 744 00:40:29,974 --> 00:40:32,772 Part from my thoughts, "This is terrible. 745 00:40:32,774 --> 00:40:33,903 What am I doing? " 746 00:40:33,905 --> 00:40:35,843 And the other parts from me thinking, 747 00:40:35,845 --> 00:40:39,933 " Webcam whores. Cool. 748 00:40:39,935 --> 00:40:42,894 This will be a slam dunk. " 749 00:40:42,896 --> 00:40:44,874 So I become confident 750 00:40:44,876 --> 00:40:47,785 and immediately I start caressing her hair, 751 00:40:47,787 --> 00:40:51,775 But she wants to keep talking about being a webcam whore 752 00:40:51,777 --> 00:40:53,996 And it will be really creepy when she says 753 00:40:53,998 --> 00:40:56,896 "Guys can be very meaningful, 754 00:40:56,898 --> 00:40:58,816 Because when I remove my hat, 755 00:40:58,818 --> 00:41:00,937 I have a terrible scar my whole breast 756 00:41:00,939 --> 00:41:03,917 from a failed boob job." 757 00:41:03,919 --> 00:41:05,777 Part of my thinking, 758 00:41:05,779 --> 00:41:07,948 "All bad! Ignore the mission!" 759 00:41:07,950 --> 00:41:10,798 But the other part from me thinks, 760 00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:12,869 "I'm a premature ejaculation, 761 00:41:12,871 --> 00:41:15,889 and the scars can help a lot 762 00:41:15,891 --> 00:41:19,990 So let's see how messy these breasts actually 763 00:41:19,992 --> 00:41:23,850 Maybe I'll last longer." 764 00:41:23,852 --> 00:41:25,951 And that's what happened. 765 00:41:25,953 --> 00:41:28,911 But that can't be understood demoralized. 766 00:41:28,913 --> 00:41:30,911 This is what I did exactly what I promised myself repeatedly that I won't do it, 767 00:41:30,913 --> 00:41:32,822 and now I do it with Frankentits. 768 00:41:32,824 --> 00:41:34,872 Like, how low can I go? 769 00:41:36,824 --> 00:41:38,002 So I go home for my sex therapist, 770 00:41:38,004 --> 00:41:40,913 tell him what happened, and he said, 771 00:41:40,915 --> 00:41:42,923 "Man, very clearly, you need to be sexually aware, 772 00:41:42,925 --> 00:41:46,824 and that is important which you start 773 00:41:46,826 --> 00:41:48,834 with abstinence, total celibacy, 774 00:41:48,836 --> 00:41:51,875 which means you are not even jack off. 775 00:41:51,877 --> 00:41:53,945 Yeah, shit is just real. 776 00:41:53,947 --> 00:41:57,796 Like, you don't even jack off? 777 00:41:57,798 --> 00:41:58,886 778 00:41:58,888 --> 00:42:00,776 I like jacking off! 779 00:42:00,778 --> 00:42:03,786 I have a bent dick to prove it 780 00:42:03,788 --> 00:42:06,007 Right? 781 00:42:06,009 --> 00:42:08,897 I think it's natural for guys have a bent penis, 782 00:42:08,899 --> 00:42:12,878 But women don't have to understand why 783 00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:16,959 Many people think, "Shut your mouth, Steve-O! 784 00:42:16,961 --> 00:42:19,929 Damn that crap drop." 785 00:42:19,931 --> 00:42:21,889 But I will tell you, ladies, 786 00:42:21,891 --> 00:42:23,900 because I'm right hand, 787 00:42:23,902 --> 00:42:26,860 my cock always looks like that patiently waiting 788 00:42:26,862 --> 00:42:29,861 for buses that come from that direction 789 00:42:39,784 --> 00:42:42,863 It's in that corner there. 790 00:42:42,865 --> 00:42:44,853 That's because I like jacking off, 791 00:42:44,855 --> 00:42:46,893 and I get this person says I have to stop 792 00:42:46,895 --> 00:42:49,984 He said, "Let's try 30 days, no masturbation." 793 00:42:49,986 --> 00:42:52,926 And I'm like, "Man, I want to have a good life." 794 00:42:55,827 --> 00:42:58,865 So I give it hell. 795 00:42:58,867 --> 00:43:00,905 When I'm up to three days, 796 00:43:00,907 --> 00:43:03,786 if you think of quitting smoking cigarettes or illegal drugs 797 00:43:03,788 --> 00:43:06,926 makes people angry... 798 00:43:06,928 --> 00:43:08,957 When I get to seven days, I can't be trusted 799 00:43:08,959 --> 00:43:12,977 with a laptop computer for whatever reason at all 800 00:43:12,979 --> 00:43:16,838 Then there I was on day 11, 801 00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:21,008 alone in the bathtub 802 00:43:21,010 --> 00:43:24,789 Just wash. 803 00:43:24,791 --> 00:43:28,960 And the line between cleanliness and romance 804 00:43:28,962 --> 00:43:33,850 a little fuzzy 805 00:43:33,852 --> 00:43:36,021 It turns out I'm accidentally Seducing myself. 806 00:43:38,023 --> 00:43:40,882 And when I blow that the load is 11 days, aah, 807 00:43:40,884 --> 00:43:43,922 I feel like I'm experiencing fucking heart attack, man! 808 00:43:43,924 --> 00:43:45,002 Dirty water flies everywhere 809 00:43:45,004 --> 00:43:47,993 I hold my eyes alone. 810 00:43:47,995 --> 00:43:49,883 Aah! 811 00:43:49,885 --> 00:43:51,013 And that's amazing, man. 812 00:43:51,015 --> 00:43:53,934 Eleven days, wow. 813 00:43:53,936 --> 00:43:55,844 But I am destroyed. 814 00:43:55,846 --> 00:43:57,804 I broke my promise again! 815 00:43:57,806 --> 00:43:59,915 And now I'm in despair. I think there is no hope for me. 816 00:43:59,917 --> 00:44:01,935 I'm ambitious, man. 817 00:44:01,937 --> 00:44:04,965 I say, "You know what, I will go for a full year. 818 00:44:04,967 --> 00:44:07,856 No kidding, no jacking off 819 00:44:07,858 --> 00:44:10,936 Not nuttin '. 820 00:44:10,938 --> 00:44:12,997 Not one nut for a full year. " 821 00:44:12,999 --> 00:44:16,007 And when Johnny Knoxville was found out about this little plan, 822 00:44:16,009 --> 00:44:18,837 he was worried to the point very angry 823 00:44:18,839 --> 00:44:22,018 He said," You tried to get prostate cancer? " 824 00:44:22,020 --> 00:44:23,998 And I like, " Dude, Knoxville, man, 825 00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:26,029 I'm sure if jacking off 826 00:44:26,031 --> 00:44:28,899 is the medicine for prostate cancer, 827 00:44:28,901 --> 00:44:30,909 like, nobody has it. " 828 00:44:32,922 --> 00:44:35,930 We will never hear it. 829 00:44:35,932 --> 00:44:38,861 I'm not worried about prostate cancer, 830 00:44:38,863 --> 00:44:39,941 but you might think, 831 00:44:39,943 --> 00:44:41,901 " But why did you go? for one full year 832 00:44:41,903 --> 00:44:42,891 without blowing the load? " 833 00:44:42,893 --> 00:44:44,811 And it's very simple for me. 834 00:44:44,813 --> 00:44:45,992 I'm like," Because when is the time for me 835 00:44:45,994 --> 00:44:47,972 to be with that special woman, 836 00:44:47,974 --> 00:44:51,843 He deserves to know that I can go that long. " 837 00:44:51,845 --> 00:44:53,813 And I think, " When is the time for me 838 00:44:53,815 --> 00:44:54,983 to be with that woman, 839 00:44:54,985 --> 00:44:59,834 he better use damn poncho, man! " 840 00:44:59,836 --> 00:45:04,014 This will look like fucking Nickelodeon awards show, man! 841 00:45:04,016 --> 00:45:05,945 Like," Aah, aah, aah! " 842 00:45:05,947 --> 00:45:09,915 Whether it is or humungous marshmallows will fall 843 00:45:09,917 --> 00:45:11,806 But in one way or another, 844 00:45:11,808 --> 00:45:14,808 we are talking Ghostbusters, man. 845 00:45:15,968 --> 00:45:17,957 But what about me? will remain on the road 846 00:45:17,959 --> 00:45:20,827 with all this beautiful women come to see me 847 00:45:20,829 --> 00:45:22,817 I do the only thing I can. 848 00:45:22,819 --> 00:45:25,848 I hired a professional chicken blocker 849 00:45:25,850 --> 00:45:27,858 Where are you, Scott Randolph? 850 00:45:27,860 --> 00:45:29,808 Yes, man! 851 00:45:29,810 --> 00:45:30,849 Yes! 852 00:45:30,851 --> 00:45:32,251 How many of you know this man 853 00:45:33,011 --> 00:45:34,869 OK. 854 00:45:34,871 --> 00:45:36,880 Scott and I have been traveling with 855 00:45:36,882 --> 00:45:38,980 for, like, two years now, raises the question: 856 00:45:38,982 --> 00:45:41,870 Are you interesting or are you not interesting? 857 00:45:43,853 --> 00:45:46,971 I take it off. I mean, I don't, you know? 858 00:45:46,973 --> 00:45:49,932 I go all year, you know. 859 00:45:49,934 --> 00:45:51,842 Behind everything I achieve 860 00:45:51,844 --> 00:45:55,002 am I very angry and average for a year. 861 00:45:55,004 --> 00:45:56,983 Do you know? 862 00:45:56,985 --> 00:46:01,013 So now I'm a dog and cat saves, 863 00:46:01,015 --> 00:46:03,944 meditating, hybrid driving, 864 00:46:03,946 --> 00:46:06,904 clean and conscious, vegan... 865 00:46:07,886 --> 00:46:09,005 Who is adamant 866 00:46:09,007 --> 00:46:11,945 about not getting his penis is sucked. 867 00:46:13,907 --> 00:46:16,946 I see... 868 00:46:16,948 --> 00:46:18,836 This is what will happen, 869 00:46:18,838 --> 00:46:20,896 and that will happen super messy, okay? 870 00:46:20,898 --> 00:46:24,007 I don't want you to think I've turned into total pussy. 871 00:46:24,009 --> 00:46:25,967 Here is where we make television history 872 00:46:25,969 --> 00:46:27,827 Good? 873 00:46:33,910 --> 00:46:37,039 Let me introduce you again, 874 00:46:37,041 --> 00:46:39,819 top UFC fighter, 875 00:46:39,821 --> 00:46:40,959 American Army Ranger 876 00:46:40,961 --> 00:46:44,010 and snipers, Tim Kennedy. 877 00:46:45,922 --> 00:46:49,881 Epic television producer, 878 00:46:49,883 --> 00:46:50,911 Sam Macaroni 879 00:46:53,003 --> 00:46:55,892 My professional cock blocker, 880 00:46:55,894 --> 00:46:57,982 I take a tour with me wherever I go, 881 00:46:57,984 --> 00:46:59,942 so don't try, ladies! 882 00:46:59,944 --> 00:47:03,825 That person will make love bullets for this penis 883 00:47:05,915 --> 00:47:08,844 OK, let's look at the device. 884 00:47:08,846 --> 00:47:10,824 That's the device, okay. 885 00:47:10,826 --> 00:47:11,974 It doesn't look that bad. 886 00:47:11,976 --> 00:47:14,965 Oh my God. 887 00:47:14,967 --> 00:47:18,835 That device will shoot an arrow from it, 888 00:47:18,837 --> 00:47:20,056 and arrows connected to cable 889 00:47:20,058 --> 00:47:23,016 Through cable will go 50,000 volts 890 00:47:23,018 --> 00:47:27,057 The Kennedy Team, can you explain how does this work? 891 00:47:27,059 --> 00:47:29,017 Uh, electricity 892 00:47:29,019 --> 00:47:31,047 That... it sucks. 893 00:47:31,049 --> 00:47:33,828 Become a police officer, when they are like, 894 00:47:33,830 --> 00:47:35,018 "Enter the land or I'll shoot you," 895 00:47:35,020 --> 00:47:36,968 and they shoot you, it for five seconds 896 00:47:36,970 --> 00:47:39,008 This is 30 seconds. 897 00:47:41,041 --> 00:47:45,049 While that happened, Sam Macaroni... 898 00:47:45,051 --> 00:47:47,960 We will see how many questions he can answer 899 00:47:47,962 --> 00:47:51,910 in 30 seconds while electric shock 900 00:47:53,003 --> 00:47:57,021 OK, has the right distance, Team? 901 00:47:57,023 --> 00:47:58,932 Are you feeling fine? 902 00:47:58,934 --> 00:47:59,992 No. 903 00:47:59,994 --> 00:48:02,022 Okay, good! It was incredible 904 00:48:02,024 --> 00:48:04,893 Three two one. 905 00:48:07,905 --> 00:48:08,913 What is your name? 906 00:48:08,915 --> 00:48:09,943 Steve-O. 907 00:48:09,945 --> 00:48:11,013 Are you a badass bad luck? 908 00:48:11,015 --> 00:48:12,004 Yes yes. 909 00:48:12,006 --> 00:48:13,054 How big is your penny? 910 00:48:13,056 --> 00:48:14,864 Great. No, it's not big. 911 00:48:14,866 --> 00:48:15,974 How big is Team's dick? 912 00:48:15,976 --> 00:48:17,014 I don't know 913 00:48:17,016 --> 00:48:18,965 Where are we now 914 00:48:18,967 --> 00:48:19,985 Austin. 915 00:48:31,019 --> 00:48:33,847 Oh my God. 916 00:48:33,849 --> 00:48:36,527 Steve-O, do you like this ? 917 00:48:38,529 --> 00:48:41,427 Are you a person love Steve-O 918 00:48:52,599 --> 00:48:54,617 Austin, I love you! 919 00:48:54,619 --> 00:48:57,577 Thank you very much! 920 00:50:11,561 --> 00:50:16,561 Submitted by: www.subtitlecinema.com