1
00:01:18,178 --> 00:01:21,409
Hey, Lemar, what's up?
You owe me 10 bucks!
2
00:01:22,048 --> 00:01:24,448
Sorry, guys. Sorry about that.
3
00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:28,287
So then you're gonna
walk through it going...
4
00:01:28,955 --> 00:01:30,752
Good morning, Ithaca!
5
00:01:33,126 --> 00:01:34,855
Hey, Lisa,
you were supposed to call me!
6
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:37,021
Call me tonight, all right?
7
00:01:46,739 --> 00:01:47,831
God!
8
00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:50,432
Oh, my God. Are you okay?
9
00:01:50,577 --> 00:01:52,340
You cut off his leg!
10
00:01:52,645 --> 00:01:55,671
Somebody get some help!
I need a tourniquet and some ice.
11
00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:58,182
Okay, don't panic. Don't panic.
Everything's gonna be okay.
12
00:01:58,251 --> 00:02:00,412
I'm a trained first responder, okay?
13
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:02,852
- Can you hear me?
- I am so fired.
14
00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:07,416
Is he laughing?
15
00:02:09,562 --> 00:02:11,826
- Y'all got punk'd!
- What?
16
00:02:16,102 --> 00:02:17,626
Son of a bitch.
17
00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:23,671
Works every time, yo. Thanks, man.
18
00:02:26,379 --> 00:02:30,713
Welcome to the University of Ithaca.
I'm Kyle, your PUSE.
19
00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:34,144
Come on, pervs.
20
00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:38,589
PUSE. It stands for Prospective
Undergraduate Student Envoy.
21
00:02:39,692 --> 00:02:43,355
Come on, people.
Lighten up, it was a joke. He's fine.
22
00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:46,394
- Take it easy, man.
- You owe me a beer.
23
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:50,097
See? We're all about
special needs here.
24
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:54,800
As a matter of fact, our motto is,
"If you're special, we needs you. "
25
00:02:57,744 --> 00:03:02,147
So, besides being a PUSE,
what do you do at Ithaca, Kyle?
26
00:03:02,549 --> 00:03:05,518
Well, I've been an RA for four years.
27
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:10,152
I'm currently getting my Ph. D.,
and I'm the alumni advisor for my frat.
28
00:03:10,223 --> 00:03:11,281
Wow.
29
00:03:11,424 --> 00:03:12,948
Yeah. What percentage
of Ithaca students
30
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:15,051
end up going
to Ivy League grad schools?
31
00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:17,289
That's a good question,
and I'm not really sure.
32
00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:19,228
Okay, well, am I going to be limited
in the number of hours
33
00:03:19,299 --> 00:03:21,859
that I can take in a semester, or...
34
00:03:22,001 --> 00:03:24,868
I don't know, but if not,
you sure should be.
35
00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:28,032
Can I be both a double major
and a double minor?
36
00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,941
I really don't know about that, either.
37
00:03:34,013 --> 00:03:36,447
So, what do you know, Mr. PUSE?
38
00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:43,082
That Ithaca is the proud holder
of a national athletic championship.
39
00:03:43,856 --> 00:03:47,053
Yeah, no way.
No, this is an academic institution.
40
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:48,959
I mean, your mascot's a librarian.
41
00:03:49,028 --> 00:03:51,428
- Lydia, stop.
- What? He's a moron.
42
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:54,867
I'm sorry.
She's under a lot of stress right now.
43
00:03:54,934 --> 00:03:55,958
It's okay.
44
00:03:56,035 --> 00:03:59,061
- Mom, you're doing it again.
- What? Doing what?
45
00:03:59,138 --> 00:04:00,366
You know what I'm talking about.
46
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:03,671
Ryan told me what you did
during his campus visit.
47
00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:08,572
- I have no idea what she's talking about.
- Oh, my God.
48
00:04:09,015 --> 00:04:12,815
- You get back here right now, missy!
- Or what?
49
00:04:12,885 --> 00:04:14,375
No, it's cool, she can leave.
50
00:04:14,454 --> 00:04:17,685
Of course, you're gonna be missing out
on a really great story.
51
00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:18,849
Love.
52
00:04:20,026 --> 00:04:22,392
- Sex.
- Oh, God.
53
00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:25,821
The relentless pursuit
of academic excellence.
54
00:04:32,238 --> 00:04:33,330
Fine.
55
00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:41,106
Okay, so,
56
00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:45,349
there's this guy named Andy
who lives on my floor, right?
57
00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:49,546
And he's been dating
this girl named Katy for, like, ever.
58
00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:54,184
They began as high school lab partners
in Mr. Blankenbaker's biology class.
59
00:04:54,394 --> 00:04:56,624
Andy helped Katy win the science fair,
60
00:04:56,696 --> 00:04:59,995
and Katy became Andy's band manager
and biggest fan.
61
00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:02,296
They were in love, whatever that is,
62
00:05:02,368 --> 00:05:05,428
and they promised that graduation
would only make them stronger.
63
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:09,202
Though their bodies were separated,
their hearts stayed together tight,
64
00:05:09,275 --> 00:05:11,106
till the start of their junior year.
65
00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:14,146
After five years of love
66
00:05:14,747 --> 00:05:17,910
This song's just not enough
67
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:23,422
So I decided I won't be denied
and I'll sing it in the buff
68
00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:26,185
In the buff, in the buff
69
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:29,353
Girl, it ain't so tough
70
00:05:29,696 --> 00:05:32,392
In the buff, in the buff
71
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:37,196
Girl, it ain't so tough to sing it in the buff
72
00:05:39,038 --> 00:05:42,804
In the buff
73
00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:46,110
Dude! What the fuck?
74
00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:48,905
Korky, a little help.
My toe's cramping up.
75
00:05:48,981 --> 00:05:51,211
I don't care
if you're having fucking seizures.
76
00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:53,081
- That is horrible.
- Korky.
77
00:05:53,152 --> 00:05:54,346
- Did you ever hear of manscaping?
- I need help.
78
00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:56,752
Don't touch me. I'll be outside.
79
00:05:58,591 --> 00:06:01,890
- Do you actually have testicles?
- Didn't you just see them?
80
00:06:01,961 --> 00:06:04,759
I'm serious, man.
My cousin, his never dropped.
81
00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:06,856
He literally has no balls.
82
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:11,503
So when he tells me that he can't
break up with his girlfriend, I get that.
83
00:06:11,571 --> 00:06:14,836
No, it's not that I can't, Korkin.
I don't want to.
84
00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:18,170
I mean, Katy's beautiful.
She's smart. She's...
85
00:06:18,244 --> 00:06:21,543
Got your balls locked
in her Hello Kitty hope chest?
86
00:06:22,982 --> 00:06:25,007
Wait, wait, wait.
87
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,776
What is that shit?
88
00:06:26,853 --> 00:06:30,584
- This, my friend, is known as an ILMAG.
- A what?
89
00:06:30,656 --> 00:06:33,489
An Improvised Last-Minute
Anniversary Gift.
90
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,153
Every year I have a reminder
set on my computer,
91
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:39,221
but this year, mysteriously,
it didn't go off.
92
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:41,857
You're welcome.
93
00:06:42,502 --> 00:06:44,902
Dude! Uncool.
94
00:06:46,038 --> 00:06:49,439
Sabotage was my last resort.
You're 21 and you act 40.
95
00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:53,036
- You never go out. You never party.
- I play beer pong every weekend.
96
00:06:53,112 --> 00:06:54,977
And you go right home
after every tournament.
97
00:06:55,047 --> 00:06:56,378
- Know why?
- Why?
98
00:06:56,449 --> 00:06:57,916
Because you fear temptation.
99
00:06:57,984 --> 00:07:01,044
And who fears temptation
but a man with doubts?
100
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,822
- Work it, Chloe.
- Bite it, Korkin.
101
00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:13,391
Okay, okay, so sometimes I'm tempted.
102
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,893
But overall, I'm a very happy man, okay?
103
00:07:15,968 --> 00:07:17,663
Let me make you happier.
104
00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:21,229
Designate Katy as your back-home girl.
Your hometown honey.
105
00:07:21,307 --> 00:07:25,004
She's there for weekends,
vacations, long dry spells.
106
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:28,807
Let her think whatever she wants,
but here, you do whatever you want.
107
00:07:28,881 --> 00:07:30,371
It's a win-win.
108
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:34,113
- Okay, unlike you, I don't cheat.
- What does that even mean?
109
00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:36,087
It means I don't cheat.
110
00:07:38,257 --> 00:07:41,658
In that bucket is concentrated urine
and feces.
111
00:07:41,894 --> 00:07:45,921
Any Hagan Hall man known
to have a steady girlfriend gets treed.
112
00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:50,464
Ass Turd will be there
till she comes to rescue him.
113
00:07:50,536 --> 00:07:53,300
Guess I better not mention
K- A-T-Y to these guys.
114
00:07:53,372 --> 00:07:54,737
Korkin, no.
115
00:07:54,841 --> 00:07:57,309
You don't want to know
what else they put in that bucket.
116
00:07:57,376 --> 00:07:59,139
You know,
maybe you could have mentioned that
117
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:00,804
before I swapped dorms.
118
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,508
- Please don't swap dorms.
- Katy?
119
00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:06,208
It took me forever to find this one.
120
00:08:06,385 --> 00:08:09,115
- What are you doing here?
- Hi!
121
00:08:09,856 --> 00:08:11,016
Your big tournament's tonight,
122
00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:14,059
so I wanted to say happy anniversary
and cheer you on in person.
123
00:08:14,126 --> 00:08:15,684
That is so cool.
124
00:08:15,761 --> 00:08:19,197
- I'm not done. Guess what else?
- What could be better?
125
00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:22,692
I transferred here, to Ithaca!
126
00:08:23,636 --> 00:08:25,831
- Wow!
- Wow!
127
00:08:26,672 --> 00:08:29,470
Better update those hepatitis shots, bro.
128
00:08:32,311 --> 00:08:34,370
There's a storm brewing, boys.
129
00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:39,211
Wind, four knots.
130
00:08:39,285 --> 00:08:41,150
Barometric pressure,
131
00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:45,251
falling.
132
00:08:45,491 --> 00:08:48,392
Perfect conditions for Hurricane Jake.
133
00:09:05,645 --> 00:09:07,545
Ponage!
134
00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:12,480
Only his third try, Raz-R.
See you at Nationals. Eat pussy.
135
00:09:13,119 --> 00:09:14,381
You suck.
136
00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:18,184
As soon as I capture this tape,
I can upload it to YouTube.
137
00:09:18,324 --> 00:09:20,417
What about your full ride at CMU?
138
00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:23,690
I mean,
it's like the Harvard of horticulture.
139
00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:27,293
Yeah, it's amazing, but so are you.
140
00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:30,726
I mean, we only have one chance
to be in college together.
141
00:09:30,803 --> 00:09:32,668
I don't want to waste it.
142
00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:34,137
Didn't you feel
like we were slipping away
143
00:09:34,206 --> 00:09:36,640
with all the e-mails and Skype sex?
144
00:09:37,510 --> 00:09:39,273
I don't know. Maybe.
145
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:43,114
- I freaked you out, didn't I?
- No!
146
00:09:43,215 --> 00:09:44,807
I mean, no, I...
147
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:47,241
It's gonna be great.
148
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:48,617
Girl, it ain't so tough...
149
00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:49,712
Okay.
150
00:09:49,789 --> 00:09:51,780
...to sing it in the buff
151
00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:56,486
In the buff
152
00:09:58,798 --> 00:10:01,028
There's a storm brewing, boys.
153
00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:05,560
Wind, four knots.
154
00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:08,967
Barometric pressure, falling.
155
00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:11,532
Perfect conditions for Hurricane Jake.
156
00:10:13,245 --> 00:10:16,237
- Somebody looks freaked out.
- I'm not freaked out.
157
00:10:16,315 --> 00:10:17,407
Well, you should be.
158
00:10:17,483 --> 00:10:20,213
She's gonna suck you
into some off-campus apartment
159
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:22,379
with curtains and coasters
160
00:10:22,722 --> 00:10:26,158
and a chaise lounger
with those giant fucking pillows.
161
00:10:26,826 --> 00:10:28,191
Kick her ass to the curb
162
00:10:28,260 --> 00:10:31,127
before you get doused
with concentrated urine and feces.
163
00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:33,028
No woman is worth that.
164
00:10:33,099 --> 00:10:36,262
But right now,
both you douche bags need to focus.
165
00:10:37,903 --> 00:10:39,894
We go to war in one hour.
166
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:42,802
Awesome.
167
00:10:43,242 --> 00:10:46,575
- New uniforms.
- Are you ready to protect this house?
168
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,575
Sexy.
169
00:10:53,619 --> 00:10:56,588
Go away. Unless you have breasts.
170
00:10:56,656 --> 00:11:00,649
- Hey, guys. What's up?
- Kyle! The man!
171
00:11:00,726 --> 00:11:01,818
Dude, you're back!
172
00:11:01,894 --> 00:11:03,953
Yeah, I went to Prague in May
on a convention
173
00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:07,989
that ended up on a three-month
pub crawl where I got laid a lot.
174
00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:10,058
- Very nice.
- By different girls.
175
00:11:10,136 --> 00:11:12,604
Wow. That's real diversity, Kyle.
176
00:11:12,938 --> 00:11:16,669
- Wait, is the tournament tonight?
- The finals. You coming?
177
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:21,807
No, I can't. I've got a frat meeting.
We're practicing for our new step show.
178
00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:27,986
- What?
- Nice!
179
00:11:28,054 --> 00:11:29,180
Yeah, well,
180
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:33,419
it's better with, like, more black guys,
but there's a little taste.
181
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:35,651
Well, I'm bummed
I'm gonna miss tonight.
182
00:11:35,728 --> 00:11:38,253
Well, give them hell for Hagan Hall.
183
00:11:38,764 --> 00:11:41,289
You, too, Kyle. Give them hell, bro.
184
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,225
Glad you're back, man.
185
00:11:43,302 --> 00:11:44,929
- Take it easy, guys.
- Peace.
186
00:11:45,004 --> 00:11:46,198
Peace.
187
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,167
Shit. It's ready.
188
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,671
Shit. Raz-R beat us to it.
189
00:11:54,413 --> 00:11:55,437
What?
190
00:11:55,514 --> 00:11:58,847
That's the third trick shot
he's uploaded this week.
191
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:09,056
What up, Jake the Fake?
192
00:12:09,128 --> 00:12:13,565
Just wanted to say good luck tonight,
so I can kick your bony ass in Atlanta.
193
00:12:13,632 --> 00:12:14,894
That's right, baby.
194
00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:17,197
Do not let him into your head.
195
00:12:18,604 --> 00:12:20,333
He's already there.
196
00:12:22,007 --> 00:12:23,031
God.
197
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,836
See, there was a time eons ago
198
00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:28,436
when beer pong
was simply a fringe novelty game
199
00:12:28,514 --> 00:12:32,917
played by Cro-Magnons
in cave-like garages using paddles.
200
00:12:33,619 --> 00:12:37,646
But the sport, thank you very much,
has now evolved
201
00:12:37,723 --> 00:12:40,783
into a grueling mano a mano
death match
202
00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:45,763
designed to push mind, body
and liver to their furthest limits.
203
00:12:46,398 --> 00:12:48,389
Thus the high-tech athletic gear.
204
00:12:48,467 --> 00:12:51,436
Exactly, me lady.
Our bodies are our weapons.
205
00:12:51,837 --> 00:12:54,772
Jake is one of the best trick-shotters
in the country.
206
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:57,274
This right here is like our Olympic trials.
207
00:12:57,343 --> 00:13:00,039
- Hello!
- Well, Godspeed, good sirs,
208
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:02,478
and may you vanquish
your many enemies.
209
00:13:02,548 --> 00:13:04,880
- God, that's so lame.
- Korkin.
210
00:13:07,987 --> 00:13:10,080
- Right, here you go.
- Thank you.
211
00:13:10,156 --> 00:13:11,748
There's something I forgot to tell you
about this place.
212
00:13:11,824 --> 00:13:12,882
- What?
- When somebody puts money
213
00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:13,982
in the jar...
214
00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:16,050
It's titty time!
215
00:13:17,163 --> 00:13:18,824
...they flash you.
216
00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:24,394
Welcome to the show, honey.
217
00:13:25,437 --> 00:13:27,337
No, I'm not done yet.
218
00:13:29,775 --> 00:13:35,077
Welcome to the University of Ithaca's
Beer Pong Finals,
219
00:13:37,449 --> 00:13:42,443
where tonight one of these eight teams
will win full sponsorship
220
00:13:42,588 --> 00:13:47,753
from Ta Ta's Pub to compete for
the National Collegiate Championship!
221
00:13:48,027 --> 00:13:49,551
This is it!
222
00:13:50,462 --> 00:13:53,454
Let's pong it out, bitches!
223
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,192
It's titty time!
224
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:04,703
- We go eye to eye for possession.
- Okay.
225
00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:15,110
Splash!
226
00:14:25,431 --> 00:14:27,797
We get the balls back for two-hit shots,
227
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:31,132
but we get to keep shooting
until one of us misses.
228
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:53,248
- I'm so glad I'm here.
- I'm not glad you're here.
229
00:14:53,325 --> 00:14:56,123
Hey, buddy, listen. You shoot. I'll talk.
230
00:14:56,395 --> 00:15:00,354
Katy, hi. Girlfriends and beer pong
231
00:15:03,102 --> 00:15:04,433
don't mix.
232
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,331
Unless, of course, you can do that.
233
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:15,012
Nope. Can't do that.
234
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:18,607
All right, Ithaca's boys
are going to Atlanta next week.
235
00:15:22,187 --> 00:15:25,884
Bounce shots can be blocked,
and guys can finger the rim
236
00:15:25,958 --> 00:15:28,449
when it's a spinner, but not girls.
237
00:15:31,964 --> 00:15:35,400
- Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy!
- Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy!
238
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:38,959
- Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy!
- Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy!
239
00:15:39,038 --> 00:15:40,471
- Andy! Andy!
- Andy! Andy!
240
00:15:41,173 --> 00:15:42,265
Yeah!
241
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:45,873
Girls can blow the hole
and it scores as our miss.
242
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,173
Damn it.
243
00:15:48,213 --> 00:15:49,578
Son of a...
244
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:57,614
Kiki, a drink for our opponents.
245
00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:00,690
I remember.
246
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:03,125
Now, go do your thing.
247
00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:05,824
She's just a distraction.
248
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:09,163
- Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy!
- Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy!
249
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:10,862
Hey, Lester.
250
00:16:10,936 --> 00:16:14,702
Now check this out. Andy, you the man!
251
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:19,338
That's our secret phrase.
252
00:16:19,411 --> 00:16:22,312
Hit a cup in our opponent's hand,
and it's...
253
00:16:24,116 --> 00:16:25,481
Death cup.
254
00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:28,214
Game over, asshole.
255
00:16:30,222 --> 00:16:31,211
Yes!
256
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:35,259
Yes, man! Yes!
257
00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:37,955
All right, all right, all right!
258
00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:41,932
Who's going to the A-town next week?
Lock and load.
259
00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:43,728
It's titty time!
260
00:16:46,472 --> 00:16:50,966
All right, Ithacans! This is it, the finals!
We trick-shot for possession.
261
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,667
Come on, Jake.
262
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:15,396
Did you see that? Did you see that?
263
00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:22,067
Possession, Hagan Hall!
264
00:17:22,141 --> 00:17:24,632
Hagan! Hagan! Hagan!
265
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,113
Hagan Hall.
266
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:35,320
So do I get to wear your beer pong
letterman jacket, you jock stud?
267
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,489
Actually, it wasn't my best night.
268
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,049
Maybe I can change that.
269
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:44,991
- It's time to celebrate our anniversary.
- How?
270
00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:49,062
See you in an hour.
271
00:17:53,305 --> 00:17:54,602
What's up, guys?
272
00:17:54,673 --> 00:17:59,372
Dude, this is what awaits us
at the end of the rainbow, my friend,
273
00:18:00,045 --> 00:18:03,139
- if you get your fucking head straight.
- No way.
274
00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:06,774
- What?
- I knew her
275
00:18:06,852 --> 00:18:10,049
before I met Katy.
Her name's Jenna. She's French.
276
00:18:11,123 --> 00:18:12,147
Bullshit.
277
00:18:12,224 --> 00:18:15,284
So, before Katy, there was Jenna.
She was a total babe.
278
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:21,060
Sexy. Exotic. A real woman among boys,
not unlike the lovely lady by my side.
279
00:18:22,734 --> 00:18:24,292
Did I trip you?
280
00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:28,204
I'm sorry.
281
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:36,313
Such soft, gentle hands.
So, what's your degree in?
282
00:18:37,216 --> 00:18:41,050
- Interpretive Urban Dance.
- It is so hot.
283
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:45,420
Yeah, so, I'm sorry, you were saying,
about the young, hot, exotic Jenna?
284
00:18:45,491 --> 00:18:48,153
Yeah. Way back before
there was ever a Katy,
285
00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:50,957
Jenna was Andy's first crush,
his first kiss,
286
00:18:51,029 --> 00:18:52,656
and would have even been
his first boink,
287
00:18:52,731 --> 00:18:55,199
if not for the vicious,
man-eating corn snake
288
00:18:55,267 --> 00:18:57,599
who called their love nest home.
289
00:18:59,505 --> 00:19:00,972
Jenna's foot recovered nicely
290
00:19:01,039 --> 00:19:03,701
with donated replacement tendons
from a cadaver.
291
00:19:03,842 --> 00:19:05,673
But once she was loaded
into the ambulance,
292
00:19:05,744 --> 00:19:08,076
Andy never heard from her again.
293
00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:09,642
- Bullshit.
- No, I'm serious.
294
00:19:09,715 --> 00:19:12,047
We met at summer camp
when I was 16.
295
00:19:12,117 --> 00:19:14,813
- She gave me this bracelet.
- Bullshit.
296
00:19:15,787 --> 00:19:19,279
To prove the lovely Jenna
was once his willing near-boink,
297
00:19:19,358 --> 00:19:21,883
Andy logged on
to the Pong America web site
298
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:23,951
in an effort to find her.
299
00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:31,431
And Jenna nearly wet her dainty
little panties when Andy pinged her,
300
00:19:32,538 --> 00:19:34,938
which gave him a virtual hard-on.
301
00:19:36,141 --> 00:19:38,041
She gave me her digits.
302
00:19:39,311 --> 00:19:40,403
Call her.
303
00:19:40,479 --> 00:19:41,878
- I'm going to.
- Okay.
304
00:19:41,947 --> 00:19:44,347
Of course I remember mon Andrew!
305
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:47,241
Of course she remembers mon Andrew.
306
00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:50,113
I have wondered about you many times.
307
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:54,250
- She's wondered about me many times.
- Wondered if you're straight?
308
00:19:56,094 --> 00:19:57,584
We actually won
our beer pong tournament.
309
00:19:57,663 --> 00:19:59,062
I'm coming to Atlanta next week!
310
00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:01,156
No! First you must come meet me
on the tour!
311
00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:04,760
You can hang out with me
and the other girls on the bus!
312
00:20:04,836 --> 00:20:07,737
- Do you wanna go? No?
- Yes. Yes.
313
00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:11,638
- Okay. Where are you?
- Tomorrow we are in Illinois.
314
00:20:11,977 --> 00:20:15,504
- I'll meet you in Illinois.
- Where the hell is Illinois?
315
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,242
He's coming to see me.
316
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:25,086
- Wait. I can't leave.
- What? What?
317
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:28,923
I can't go anywhere.
Katy just transferred here.
318
00:20:28,994 --> 00:20:30,393
Give me her.
319
00:20:30,796 --> 00:20:34,232
Dude, this chick is a world-class hottie,
320
00:20:34,299 --> 00:20:37,632
and some snake stole your chance
to consummate?
321
00:20:38,770 --> 00:20:40,635
You have to go to her.
322
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:45,342
Now. It's a rite of passage,
a vision quest.
323
00:20:45,944 --> 00:20:47,138
Vision.
324
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:50,775
- I can't.
- Okay. Tell me this.
325
00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:55,614
Is Katy just your first, your first of many,
or your first and last?
326
00:20:56,021 --> 00:20:57,215
How should I know?
327
00:20:57,289 --> 00:20:59,621
Then let's go find this goddess,
328
00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:01,749
and then if you realize
you still want Katy,
329
00:21:01,827 --> 00:21:04,694
you'll never have to worry
about having doubts again.
330
00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:06,788
You'll know she's the one.
331
00:21:13,138 --> 00:21:17,097
- That was the best week of my life.
- Until now.
332
00:21:18,577 --> 00:21:20,442
- Road trip!
- Road trip!
333
00:21:22,180 --> 00:21:23,613
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
334
00:21:23,682 --> 00:21:28,244
The bar gave us tickets to Atlanta.
Who's paying for us to get to Illinois?
335
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:31,120
We need some chump to sponsor us.
336
00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:34,925
I know a guy.
337
00:21:50,375 --> 00:21:52,673
- Whoa!
- What the hell, Andy?
338
00:21:52,744 --> 00:21:53,733
Really nice.
339
00:21:53,812 --> 00:21:56,280
I'd give you like a five, Katy, maybe six.
340
00:21:56,348 --> 00:21:59,283
- Okay, serious...
- Okay, Korkin, that's good.
341
00:22:00,719 --> 00:22:02,346
Why are they outside my door?
342
00:22:04,423 --> 00:22:06,755
We have to go meet another sponsor.
343
00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:08,952
- Now?
- Yeah, I know, but...
344
00:22:09,027 --> 00:22:10,221
But it's our anniversary.
345
00:22:10,295 --> 00:22:14,857
Look, I'll be right back, okay? And then
we'll have all night to celebrate.
346
00:22:16,401 --> 00:22:18,198
- Okay.
- In the buff.
347
00:22:19,938 --> 00:22:23,101
And I wrote a new song for you.
348
00:22:26,978 --> 00:22:28,969
Out. Now.
349
00:22:29,047 --> 00:22:30,412
That's embarrassing.
350
00:22:30,482 --> 00:22:33,474
- Now! Right now!
- Korkin. Jake.
351
00:22:33,552 --> 00:22:34,644
- Bye.
- "I wrote a song for you. "
352
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:36,312
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.
353
00:22:42,928 --> 00:22:46,420
His name is Arash.
His dad's the dictator of Tandoor.
354
00:22:46,565 --> 00:22:49,033
- Where the hell is Tandoor?
- Next to Illinois.
355
00:22:49,101 --> 00:22:52,798
No, it's an island off the coast
of Indonesia. He's loaded.
356
00:22:53,872 --> 00:22:56,306
I took Intro to Modern Drug Cultures
with him.
357
00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:58,673
Awesome class. Changed my life.
358
00:22:59,978 --> 00:23:03,072
- Yes?
- Hey, man. It's Jake.
359
00:23:04,082 --> 00:23:05,845
I brought some weed.
360
00:23:08,587 --> 00:23:11,784
I'm winning this. This is the game...
This is the game of real life.
361
00:23:11,857 --> 00:23:15,349
This is not a fantasy.
Welcome to real life. I hope you like...
362
00:23:15,427 --> 00:23:18,021
I bet you guys kick ass at paintball.
363
00:23:19,765 --> 00:23:23,098
I have the weed. I don't know...
364
00:23:25,504 --> 00:23:28,371
You're dying. You're not living anymore.
365
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:33,901
This is the real life. Do not fuck with me,
Lawdawg54! I am now owning your ass!
366
00:23:34,012 --> 00:23:37,175
I am the property master
and you are my servant!
367
00:23:37,749 --> 00:23:40,809
Yes. In your face! That hurts bad.
Go to sleep!
368
00:23:45,023 --> 00:23:47,253
I admired your essay
on the socio-political relevance
369
00:23:47,325 --> 00:23:50,726
- of Up in Smoke very much, Jake.
- Thanks, man.
370
00:23:50,962 --> 00:23:53,226
So, tell me, why are you really here?
371
00:23:53,298 --> 00:23:55,926
My friend and I are beer pong players,
372
00:23:56,134 --> 00:23:59,228
and we come requesting sponsorship
for our team.
373
00:24:00,272 --> 00:24:02,797
- Beer pong?
- Let me demonstrate.
374
00:24:09,147 --> 00:24:13,413
I have seen this. You Americans
can turn even drinking into a contest.
375
00:24:13,852 --> 00:24:18,050
Indeed. But if we win,
your investment will be doubled,
376
00:24:18,323 --> 00:24:23,124
and you will bring glory to your father,
your country and to Ithaca.
377
00:24:23,695 --> 00:24:26,789
- I will travel with you?
- Probably better if we go it alone.
378
00:24:26,865 --> 00:24:29,299
Keep costs down. Stay low profile.
379
00:24:30,335 --> 00:24:33,168
I have no need for money,
I hate my father,
380
00:24:33,505 --> 00:24:36,702
my country is a shit bucket,
and Ithaca was my fallback.
381
00:24:36,808 --> 00:24:39,368
Evidently, Harvard does not accept
the sons of despots.
382
00:24:39,444 --> 00:24:43,107
Who knew? Leave me now. I will keep
your hashish in return for my time.
383
00:24:43,181 --> 00:24:45,046
Wait! You can come,
384
00:24:45,550 --> 00:24:48,644
and I'll put us on a busload
of gorgeous models.
385
00:24:49,888 --> 00:24:53,654
Look, this girl in the middle,
that's the girl I'm going to see.
386
00:24:53,725 --> 00:24:57,183
- Is she a virgin?
- She's all natural, man.
387
00:24:58,563 --> 00:25:03,159
- Except for some tendons in her foot.
- And her private regions? Jungle bush?
388
00:25:08,473 --> 00:25:11,533
Okay. If you are lying,
you will all be kidnapped
389
00:25:11,710 --> 00:25:13,871
and sent to my father's mines,
390
00:25:13,945 --> 00:25:16,072
where you will work
in complete darkness
391
00:25:16,181 --> 00:25:18,513
until you die of the black lung,
392
00:25:19,618 --> 00:25:23,554
filthy, emaciated and cold.
393
00:25:26,825 --> 00:25:28,986
- Works for me.
- No problem. Yes.
394
00:25:29,060 --> 00:25:31,290
- Then we have a deal. Yes.
- Yes.
395
00:25:31,429 --> 00:25:33,920
- Here we go. Okay. Very good.
- Thank you.
396
00:25:40,572 --> 00:25:43,234
Phone the hanger. Have them prepare
Tandoor 2 for a dawn departure.
397
00:25:43,308 --> 00:25:45,037
And make me some soup.
398
00:25:45,110 --> 00:25:47,806
- What is Tandoor 2?
- It's the royal jet.
399
00:25:49,915 --> 00:25:53,009
Fuck yeah, it is! Welcome to the team!
400
00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:55,552
Fuck yeah, it is!
401
00:25:55,620 --> 00:25:57,747
- Hey, what's this?
- Not good.
402
00:25:59,524 --> 00:26:00,684
- Shit.
- Adji!
403
00:26:00,759 --> 00:26:04,217
This is the CIA.
You're surrounded, and we're coming in.
404
00:26:07,766 --> 00:26:09,961
It's him. He's the terrorist!
405
00:26:14,039 --> 00:26:16,473
Andy, where are you?
406
00:26:17,108 --> 00:26:20,305
It's been, like, three hours.
Please call me back.
407
00:26:31,323 --> 00:26:34,884
Your turn, Jenna.
And no dares for you. I want the truth.
408
00:26:36,161 --> 00:26:40,359
- Was this Andy guy your first?
- I'm working.
409
00:26:40,799 --> 00:26:43,700
- Yeah, we wanna hear the truth, sister.
- Come on, Jenna.
410
00:26:43,768 --> 00:26:48,865
Fine, the answer is no, but almost.
Within one week we were in love.
411
00:26:50,141 --> 00:26:54,373
- So, you guys gonna hook up or what?
- I don't hook up. I'm a lady.
412
00:26:55,113 --> 00:26:57,343
- Who sells beer with her breasts.
- Right.
413
00:26:57,482 --> 00:27:00,883
And then, overwhelmed
by the inter-gravitational pull
414
00:27:00,952 --> 00:27:02,510
of their mutual hotness,
415
00:27:02,587 --> 00:27:05,886
the beer pong girls engaged
in a naked pillow fight.
416
00:27:18,269 --> 00:27:21,568
What a bunch of male
wish-fulfillment bullshit.
417
00:27:22,474 --> 00:27:25,534
I've never been
in a naked pillow fight before.
418
00:27:25,877 --> 00:27:27,071
I have.
419
00:27:28,346 --> 00:27:29,370
Right.
420
00:27:29,447 --> 00:27:31,915
So anyway,
our heroes were transported
421
00:27:31,983 --> 00:27:36,852
to a secret CIA interrogation center,
where they were interrogated...
422
00:27:36,921 --> 00:27:39,617
No. No.
423
00:27:41,826 --> 00:27:43,487
That looks like Korkin's mom.
424
00:27:43,561 --> 00:27:45,791
- ... tortured...
- This is a bad trip.
425
00:27:47,065 --> 00:27:49,192
I'm tripping out, man!
426
00:27:49,501 --> 00:27:51,332
- Hey, man.
- ... and humiliated.
427
00:27:51,403 --> 00:27:54,133
- You don't need to do it.
- Open wide for mommy!
428
00:27:54,205 --> 00:27:56,036
What the fuck is that?
429
00:27:56,107 --> 00:27:58,769
No, no, no, no, no. Back up. Back up.
430
00:28:03,415 --> 00:28:06,282
Turns out papa tyrant
was overthrown in a coup.
431
00:28:06,351 --> 00:28:10,754
All of his assets were seized and given
to the poor, hungry people of Tandoor.
432
00:28:10,822 --> 00:28:13,757
Greedy bastards.
I thought my dad was bad,
433
00:28:13,825 --> 00:28:17,454
but apparently some despotic parents
can never be pleased.
434
00:28:32,377 --> 00:28:33,969
Okay, it's safe.
435
00:28:39,484 --> 00:28:42,476
My dick hole is the size of
a garden hose, you son of a bitch!
436
00:28:42,554 --> 00:28:44,419
So sorry.
437
00:28:44,489 --> 00:28:47,822
Okay, okay, all right.
Allow me to apologize to you all.
438
00:28:47,892 --> 00:28:49,792
I had no idea my father
would be overthrown
439
00:28:49,861 --> 00:28:52,762
by a group of 12 unarmed peasants
and a wizard.
440
00:28:52,831 --> 00:28:55,356
I am now destitute,
penniless, homeless.
441
00:28:55,433 --> 00:28:58,493
- Welcome to America.
- Korkin, it's not his fault.
442
00:28:58,570 --> 00:29:02,370
We're lucky they let us go.
Let's just find out where we are.
443
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:03,629
"Bethesda"?
444
00:29:04,709 --> 00:29:06,939
- That's bullshit, man.
- Maryland?
445
00:29:07,011 --> 00:29:10,242
It's like, there should be a fucking law
that the fucking CIA
446
00:29:10,315 --> 00:29:13,682
has to fucking drop you off
where they fucking got you!
447
00:29:13,752 --> 00:29:17,813
- So write your fucking congressman!
- You know what? Eat my ass, Korkin,
448
00:29:17,889 --> 00:29:19,982
'cause I had to swallow
a whole pound of weed,
449
00:29:20,058 --> 00:29:22,856
and then they made me
listen to techno all night.
450
00:29:22,927 --> 00:29:24,952
You know what that's like?
451
00:29:26,631 --> 00:29:28,064
Guys! Okay, you know what?
452
00:29:28,133 --> 00:29:31,193
Shut up
and let's focus on getting out of here.
453
00:29:32,704 --> 00:29:34,433
Oh, shit.
454
00:29:35,406 --> 00:29:38,170
- Hello?
- Andy, where are you? Are you okay?
455
00:29:38,243 --> 00:29:41,679
Yeah. Yeah. I'm fine.
You won't believe what happened.
456
00:29:45,450 --> 00:29:46,644
Thank you.
457
00:29:52,190 --> 00:29:53,919
Jake, follow me.
458
00:29:54,025 --> 00:29:58,428
Ass-rash, thanks for nothing,
and I'll see you never.
459
00:29:59,697 --> 00:30:01,722
No, no, no, no, wait, wait,
you can't leave me here.
460
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:04,633
His dad is the dictator of Tandoor, right?
461
00:30:05,103 --> 00:30:07,071
The dictator of Tandoor?
462
00:30:07,238 --> 00:30:10,332
If I am found by rebel agents, I will be
brutally tortured and fed to goats.
463
00:30:10,408 --> 00:30:12,171
That's not my problem, shithead.
464
00:30:12,243 --> 00:30:14,677
We need a sponsor,
not some assassination target.
465
00:30:14,746 --> 00:30:18,443
For the first time in my life,
I have no guards, no father.
466
00:30:18,616 --> 00:30:20,811
- I am finally free.
- All right, I have an idea.
467
00:30:20,885 --> 00:30:25,151
- Please don't leave me here, Korkin.
- Play along, or you're goat food.
468
00:30:25,957 --> 00:30:27,584
- Take that.
- Okay.
469
00:30:28,426 --> 00:30:29,757
Follow me.
470
00:30:30,628 --> 00:30:34,792
He was going to fly us to Atlanta
on Tandoor 2, his own private jet.
471
00:30:34,866 --> 00:30:38,324
You want me to believe
that you stood me up on our anniversary
472
00:30:38,403 --> 00:30:41,395
so you could ride
on some dictator's airplane?
473
00:30:42,774 --> 00:30:44,969
My phone's dying, Ass-rash, so hurry up.
474
00:30:45,043 --> 00:30:47,978
Take some bags,
head to the van in the front.
475
00:30:58,823 --> 00:31:00,450
Do you see keys?
476
00:31:02,126 --> 00:31:04,890
- Yes.
- Okay, put the luggage in the back.
477
00:31:13,471 --> 00:31:17,430
Wait! Turn right. The cabbies
are staring at you. Flip them off.
478
00:31:19,510 --> 00:31:21,171
No, flip them off!
479
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:23,770
Flip them off!
480
00:31:24,182 --> 00:31:26,150
No, not me, moron. Them.
481
00:31:26,818 --> 00:31:29,013
Do it! My uncle was a cabbie!
482
00:31:31,689 --> 00:31:33,452
- Fuck off!
- Fuck off!
483
00:31:36,194 --> 00:31:38,788
They had helicopters
and they had laser-sight guns,
484
00:31:38,863 --> 00:31:40,387
and then we were thrown
into this helicopter...
485
00:31:45,370 --> 00:31:47,270
- Hit it!
- Hit what?
486
00:31:47,372 --> 00:31:48,999
- Go!
- What, drive?
487
00:31:53,845 --> 00:31:56,405
- Awesome!
- You can't drive?
488
00:31:56,514 --> 00:31:57,742
I was never allowed to,
489
00:31:57,815 --> 00:32:00,181
but I am most excellent
at Super Mario Kart.
490
00:32:00,251 --> 00:32:04,551
Korkin had, like, this penile pap smear,
Jake was tortured by bad music.
491
00:32:04,622 --> 00:32:07,113
And let me guess,
you were waterboarded?
492
00:32:07,191 --> 00:32:08,920
No, that was Arash.
493
00:32:14,499 --> 00:32:15,898
Need a ride?
494
00:32:17,168 --> 00:32:18,396
Get in!
495
00:32:18,770 --> 00:32:20,601
- No! No, no, no, you didn't.
- Come on!
496
00:32:20,672 --> 00:32:22,936
- Okie dokie.
- Come on.
497
00:32:40,224 --> 00:32:42,556
Like that. It was totally crazy.
498
00:32:44,862 --> 00:32:45,954
Okay.
499
00:32:46,164 --> 00:32:50,658
So, how does this ridiculous farce
contribute to my decision to come here?
500
00:32:51,803 --> 00:32:54,897
Because it speaks
to the spirit of our students.
501
00:32:55,340 --> 00:32:57,865
I became the man I am today
because of a road trip.
502
00:32:57,942 --> 00:33:00,706
- I love a good ride.
- Mom.
503
00:33:01,346 --> 00:33:04,543
- I still like to roll every once in a while.
- Mom!
504
00:33:06,150 --> 00:33:08,618
Okay. TMI.
505
00:33:13,157 --> 00:33:14,385
Come in.
506
00:33:17,962 --> 00:33:19,725
- Katy Hartman?
- Yeah.
507
00:33:20,865 --> 00:33:23,231
- Andy's Katy?
- Yeah.
508
00:33:23,601 --> 00:33:25,501
Cool. I'm Kyle, your RA.
509
00:33:25,570 --> 00:33:27,094
You know,
Andy and I are pretty good friends.
510
00:33:27,171 --> 00:33:30,072
We even compared penises
in the shower once,
511
00:33:30,208 --> 00:33:32,335
and he totally regretted it.
512
00:33:32,910 --> 00:33:34,844
So this is Amy.
513
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,472
Amy had a little altercation with
her former Sigma Gamma roommate
514
00:33:38,549 --> 00:33:40,540
and had to be relocated.
515
00:33:42,286 --> 00:33:45,119
I think you guys
are gonna be a good match.
516
00:34:05,610 --> 00:34:09,410
Hey! How's my favorite glamorous
supermodel?
517
00:34:09,547 --> 00:34:13,347
Very glamorous, mon amour.
Runway. Bright lights.
518
00:34:13,851 --> 00:34:15,148
Wait, I send you a photo.
519
00:34:15,219 --> 00:34:17,084
- Mandee?
- Okay.
520
00:34:19,590 --> 00:34:20,750
Smile!
521
00:34:31,502 --> 00:34:34,596
That looks like a fun job.
Good resume builder.
522
00:34:41,245 --> 00:34:42,769
Okay. So wait.
523
00:34:43,047 --> 00:34:45,845
So you transferred
from your dream school,
524
00:34:45,983 --> 00:34:49,350
the Columbia of cultivation,
to be here for some guy?
525
00:34:49,420 --> 00:34:51,251
I missed him,
and I wanted to be with him.
526
00:34:51,355 --> 00:34:52,982
And now there's a nail
in that man's head
527
00:34:53,057 --> 00:34:55,116
because he bounced
the same day you showed up?
528
00:34:55,193 --> 00:34:58,492
We'll get through it,
and I'll just stay busy until he gets back.
529
00:34:58,563 --> 00:35:01,259
What? Baking cookies?
Doing his ironing?
530
00:35:01,365 --> 00:35:03,492
- Excuse me?
- I'm just saying.
531
00:35:04,335 --> 00:35:05,768
Look here, Amy,
532
00:35:05,837 --> 00:35:09,000
I don't care
how many sorority girls you've punched.
533
00:35:09,073 --> 00:35:12,008
Just because I don't have
purple eye shadow and spiky hair
534
00:35:12,076 --> 00:35:15,534
doesn't mean I'm not a strong,
independent woman, okay?
535
00:35:15,613 --> 00:35:17,444
I just panicked, all right?
536
00:35:17,515 --> 00:35:21,884
And now I'm here and he's there,
and, frankly, I'm a little freaked out.
537
00:35:23,788 --> 00:35:24,914
Okay.
538
00:35:31,229 --> 00:35:33,720
Look, I'm having a party tonight,
all right?
539
00:35:33,798 --> 00:35:36,926
Just some ladies hanging out,
having a good time.
540
00:35:37,702 --> 00:35:40,603
I think you should come. Yeah.
541
00:35:43,341 --> 00:35:44,330
Sorry about that.
542
00:35:44,408 --> 00:35:45,841
Do you remember the song
you wrote for me?
543
00:35:45,910 --> 00:35:48,310
When the bitches attack
Don't you cry, don't you cry
544
00:35:48,379 --> 00:35:50,404
Because, baby, Big A's got your back
545
00:35:51,215 --> 00:35:53,046
Big A's got your back
546
00:35:53,117 --> 00:35:54,106
God.
547
00:35:54,685 --> 00:35:58,416
- Wow, I kind of forgot that one.
- But you still have a record deal, no?
548
00:35:58,489 --> 00:36:00,047
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure.
549
00:36:00,124 --> 00:36:03,321
I just recorded
a new song yesterday, actually.
550
00:36:04,195 --> 00:36:06,686
- In my studio.
- What?
551
00:36:07,698 --> 00:36:09,131
Yeah, sure he did.
552
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:10,724
We have a stage on the tour.
553
00:36:10,801 --> 00:36:13,463
You can play a concert when you arrive.
554
00:36:14,472 --> 00:36:18,033
Actually, we got a little sidetracked,
so we won't be able to make it today,
555
00:36:18,109 --> 00:36:20,737
but I'll meet you at your next stop
in Nashville for sure.
556
00:36:22,146 --> 00:36:25,377
I must now enter the glamorous
beer pong dunking booth.
557
00:36:29,020 --> 00:36:31,147
Au revoir, my wittle French fry.
558
00:36:33,024 --> 00:36:36,721
- I'm gonna fucking puke.
- I, too, am in need of a restroom.
559
00:36:36,961 --> 00:36:39,191
- Again?
- What are you, a chick?
560
00:36:39,263 --> 00:36:40,958
Nudie bar! Pull in there.
561
00:36:41,699 --> 00:36:44,361
You can potty while we party.
562
00:36:44,435 --> 00:36:46,903
My people are known
to have diminutive bladders.
563
00:36:47,138 --> 00:36:49,971
To go with your diminutive
wittle weewees?
564
00:37:00,651 --> 00:37:02,949
Is that your record studio, Big A?
565
00:37:03,020 --> 00:37:05,215
Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta go.
566
00:37:06,791 --> 00:37:08,452
- Hey.
- Andy!
567
00:37:11,095 --> 00:37:13,655
Boys, give it up for Bambi!
568
00:37:20,838 --> 00:37:25,104
Bambi enjoys early bird specials,
cuddling up with a nice box of wine,
569
00:37:25,343 --> 00:37:27,641
and watching reruns of Matlock!
570
00:37:31,582 --> 00:37:34,244
- Shit. Left my wallet in the car.
- Yeah, me, too.
571
00:37:34,318 --> 00:37:36,718
Welcome to the Kit 'N Cougar, fellas.
572
00:37:37,355 --> 00:37:40,654
Actually, we just came
so my friend could take a piss.
573
00:37:41,058 --> 00:37:43,891
So you wanna use my plumbing,
but you can't patronize my business?
574
00:37:43,961 --> 00:37:47,590
No, of course not. Don't be rude, Jake.
Let's party.
575
00:38:01,279 --> 00:38:04,271
After last night and then this morning
I was totally freaking out,
576
00:38:04,348 --> 00:38:05,872
but my new roommate is so sweet.
577
00:38:05,950 --> 00:38:09,078
She invited me to her party tonight,
and I decided to go with her.
578
00:38:09,153 --> 00:38:10,677
Good for you. That's great.
579
00:38:20,431 --> 00:38:24,162
Don't fight it, boys.
You'll never get her out of your mind.
580
00:38:25,002 --> 00:38:28,062
You think our cougar's hot,
you gotta see our kittens.
581
00:38:28,172 --> 00:38:30,663
The kitten? Show me a little pussy.
582
00:38:31,575 --> 00:38:34,669
Watch your language, boy.
This is a classy establishment.
583
00:38:34,745 --> 00:38:38,306
Yes, sir. No problem, sir.
Arash, get the fuck over here.
584
00:38:40,818 --> 00:38:43,787
I mean, I can't believe it!
This campus is really gorgeous.
585
00:38:43,988 --> 00:38:45,478
And I found this cute little coffee shop
586
00:38:45,556 --> 00:38:47,922
where we can study by the fire together
when it's snowing.
587
00:38:48,326 --> 00:38:51,193
Dude, if one of the Golden Girls
tries to give me a lap dance,
588
00:38:51,262 --> 00:38:53,594
I swear to God, I am gonna puke.
589
00:39:01,339 --> 00:39:03,807
Hi, guys. You like the twins?
590
00:39:04,542 --> 00:39:06,510
- They're sisters?
- Fraternal.
591
00:39:06,577 --> 00:39:11,514
I'm their ma, and Bambi
dancing out there, well, she's my ma.
592
00:39:11,816 --> 00:39:14,444
And Lester, that teddy bear
that brought you all in,
593
00:39:14,518 --> 00:39:16,247
well, he's my hubby.
594
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:18,220
It's a family business.
595
00:39:18,923 --> 00:39:21,721
Then momma, come to daddy.
596
00:39:31,602 --> 00:39:32,830
Mangoes.
597
00:39:33,070 --> 00:39:35,937
There are these adorable
little apartments off campus.
598
00:39:36,006 --> 00:39:37,837
We can totally move in together
next year.
599
00:39:55,393 --> 00:39:57,725
I like you. I have to go.
600
00:39:57,795 --> 00:40:01,128
- Watch the hands, Mowgli.
- Okay.
601
00:40:04,201 --> 00:40:06,601
There's even a spare room for my mom,
when she comes to visit.
602
00:40:06,670 --> 00:40:08,797
She'll totally cook and clean.
You know her!
603
00:40:20,151 --> 00:40:22,813
I'll make us some curtains,
and we can buy our own furniture.
604
00:40:22,887 --> 00:40:25,549
I've always wanted one of those chaise
loungers with the big, fluffy pillows.
605
00:40:25,623 --> 00:40:27,716
- Katy? Katy?
- This is going to be so great for us.
606
00:40:27,792 --> 00:40:29,987
I thought you were mad at me.
607
00:40:30,161 --> 00:40:32,391
Well, I was,
until I read about the coup in Tandoor.
608
00:40:33,798 --> 00:40:35,925
How's Arash? Poor little guy.
609
00:40:41,005 --> 00:40:42,905
Oh, my God. That's disgusting!
610
00:40:42,973 --> 00:40:45,942
Carrie, I told you that could happen.
Now be professional, sug.
611
00:40:46,010 --> 00:40:47,739
Mom, he peed on me.
612
00:40:50,915 --> 00:40:54,874
Lester, code red!
Golden shower in the champagne room!
613
00:40:56,887 --> 00:40:59,151
- You have a napkin?
- He's fine.
614
00:41:00,524 --> 00:41:03,982
We found a ride
and we're headed to the tournament.
615
00:41:04,061 --> 00:41:05,153
That's awesome.
616
00:41:05,229 --> 00:41:09,097
Well, I have to jet to registration,
but have fun, okay? Love you. Bye.
617
00:41:17,808 --> 00:41:19,537
- Korkin!
- What?
618
00:41:19,610 --> 00:41:21,635
He pissed on my baby girl!
619
00:41:23,380 --> 00:41:25,041
- Get them!
- Oh, shit!
620
00:41:32,857 --> 00:41:34,825
Get the fuck in the cab!
621
00:41:39,563 --> 00:41:41,292
Go! Go! Go! Go!
622
00:41:54,545 --> 00:41:58,641
They both had the same exact
little mole above their butt cracks.
623
00:41:59,750 --> 00:42:03,447
Never have I seen
six more perfectly diverse breasts.
624
00:42:04,822 --> 00:42:08,223
And now, thanks to Ass-rash
and his girlie bladder,
625
00:42:08,893 --> 00:42:10,827
that memory
will forever be a painful one,
626
00:42:10,895 --> 00:42:13,261
because my already swollen dick
is now chaffed
627
00:42:13,364 --> 00:42:16,356
from sprinting full speed
with a fucking boner!
628
00:42:20,170 --> 00:42:22,297
- Yeah!
- Come on, man. No hitchhikers.
629
00:42:22,373 --> 00:42:26,332
Not a hitchhiker, a fare.
This is a taxi and we need some money.
630
00:42:26,410 --> 00:42:28,469
Plus, do you see that ass?
631
00:42:33,083 --> 00:42:34,744
Hi! Need a ride?
632
00:42:35,653 --> 00:42:38,247
You can share a fare with these guys.
633
00:42:48,132 --> 00:42:49,190
Hi.
634
00:42:50,067 --> 00:42:51,864
So where you heading?
635
00:42:53,637 --> 00:42:56,037
- Just down the road.
- That's cool.
636
00:42:57,508 --> 00:42:59,840
But I wouldn't go too far down the road
in a stolen cab.
637
00:42:59,910 --> 00:43:02,242
Not too hard to spot, you know.
638
00:43:03,347 --> 00:43:04,871
Come on, guys.
639
00:43:04,982 --> 00:43:07,143
DC plate, the meter's not running,
640
00:43:07,217 --> 00:43:10,482
and your cabbie's sitting in the back
in girlie pink pajamas
641
00:43:10,554 --> 00:43:12,351
'cause he pissed his pants.
642
00:43:12,423 --> 00:43:15,654
- Interesting ensemble yourself.
- I know, right?
643
00:43:15,993 --> 00:43:17,927
I got this off a Dr. Ratchett.
644
00:43:17,995 --> 00:43:21,260
No way was I gonna run cross-country
in high heels.
645
00:43:21,899 --> 00:43:23,799
Shit! My stomach, man.
646
00:43:24,635 --> 00:43:26,227
What's his deal?
647
00:43:26,337 --> 00:43:30,296
He swallowed a bag of marijuana
before we were detained by the CIA.
648
00:43:30,374 --> 00:43:32,968
I fucking hate those guys, man!
Seriously.
649
00:43:33,077 --> 00:43:36,604
They have been spying on me
ever since I got back.
650
00:43:37,781 --> 00:43:41,012
- Back from where?
- I can't say. They're listening.
651
00:43:42,586 --> 00:43:43,678
God!
652
00:43:43,988 --> 00:43:45,785
- Pull over, man. It's bad.
- Right there.
653
00:43:45,856 --> 00:43:47,756
I have to dump this load somewhere.
654
00:43:47,825 --> 00:43:49,588
- Not in the car.
- Here's a convenience store.
655
00:43:49,660 --> 00:43:53,289
- Convenient? Do they sell trousers?
- Lf you had any money.
656
00:43:58,268 --> 00:43:59,963
- Who wants grub?
- I do.
657
00:44:00,037 --> 00:44:01,231
- I do.
- No. No, you don't.
658
00:44:01,305 --> 00:44:02,363
- Yes, I do.
- No, you don't.
659
00:44:02,439 --> 00:44:04,964
- My stomach is hollow. It's hollow.
- No one cares.
660
00:44:05,743 --> 00:44:08,871
- No, we're broke.
- No worries. I'll buy.
661
00:44:12,783 --> 00:44:16,116
Korkin, that woman clearly just escaped
from somewhere not good.
662
00:44:16,186 --> 00:44:18,882
That's why we get the food
and then ditch her ass.
663
00:44:18,956 --> 00:44:22,050
Go tell Jake the plan.
Let me handle this. Okay?
664
00:44:27,865 --> 00:44:29,856
Hey, hey. Thanks, buddy.
665
00:44:30,100 --> 00:44:32,625
Hey, you guys, grab a basket,
get anything you want.
666
00:44:32,703 --> 00:44:34,728
- Sweet.
- See you tomorrow.
667
00:44:45,849 --> 00:44:48,044
Hey, Jake, it's me. Let's go.
668
00:44:48,252 --> 00:44:50,880
Korky's going to ditch her
as soon as she buys us food.
669
00:44:50,954 --> 00:44:52,922
Yeah, Andy.
Why don't I just lube my hands
670
00:44:52,990 --> 00:44:55,550
so I can shove it up my ass
and remove the bag of ganja
671
00:44:55,626 --> 00:44:57,389
lodged in my rectum?
672
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:04,560
- Hey, handsome.
- Hey.
673
00:45:04,668 --> 00:45:07,000
We're going to take all of this,
674
00:45:07,871 --> 00:45:10,601
- and everything you got in the register.
- Hello!
675
00:45:10,674 --> 00:45:12,335
Come on. Come on.
676
00:45:12,810 --> 00:45:13,902
- All right. Don't shoot.
- Move.
677
00:45:13,977 --> 00:45:17,344
- Shit! Shit! Shit!
- Stop pressuring me!
678
00:45:18,015 --> 00:45:19,312
- Hurry up. Hurry up.
- I'm hurrying.
679
00:45:19,383 --> 00:45:21,283
Come on. Let's go.
680
00:45:22,186 --> 00:45:23,653
Keys, please.
681
00:45:23,887 --> 00:45:25,514
Come on, come on.
682
00:45:26,623 --> 00:45:27,851
Thanks.
683
00:45:28,325 --> 00:45:30,486
You guys might wanna hit the floor
right about now.
684
00:45:30,561 --> 00:45:32,552
- Yes, ma'am.
- Okay, then.
685
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:40,133
You bitches stay on the floor.
Your ho is gonna die.
686
00:45:53,517 --> 00:45:56,384
Back door! Hey, Jake, back door.
Come on!
687
00:46:00,758 --> 00:46:01,816
Go, go, go, go!
688
00:46:29,620 --> 00:46:31,645
- You okay?
- Shit.
689
00:46:31,789 --> 00:46:35,281
- Thought you took care of that.
- Fucker never came out.
690
00:46:35,692 --> 00:46:37,785
Pretty sure the baggie burst, though.
691
00:46:37,861 --> 00:46:40,056
- No signal.
- Who are you calling?
692
00:46:40,130 --> 00:46:42,257
I don't know, man. 911?
We need some help.
693
00:46:42,332 --> 00:46:45,631
What are you gonna tell them?
Our stolen taxi got stolen?
694
00:46:45,702 --> 00:46:47,602
- Wait, you have a better idea?
- No.
695
00:46:47,671 --> 00:46:51,266
Not yet, but I'm not a quitter.
I'm finishing this thing.
696
00:46:52,075 --> 00:46:55,875
Finishing what, Korkin?
You don't even play beer pong.
697
00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:58,573
We're in deep shit here, man,
and it's all your fault,
698
00:46:58,649 --> 00:47:02,107
so you better start praying
we get out of this somehow.
699
00:47:02,286 --> 00:47:05,119
You want me to pray?
You want me to pray?
700
00:47:06,590 --> 00:47:07,614
Fine!
701
00:47:07,691 --> 00:47:11,787
Here I am praying that Jake
can squeeze a fucking pot brownie
702
00:47:11,862 --> 00:47:13,727
- from his rectum.
- Please, God.
703
00:47:13,797 --> 00:47:17,096
Here I am praying
that Arash isn't devoured by goats.
704
00:47:17,167 --> 00:47:19,658
Here I am praying that the aliens
return Andy's balls,
705
00:47:19,736 --> 00:47:22,034
so he can be a man
and dump his lame-ass girlfriend!
706
00:47:22,206 --> 00:47:24,037
Here I am praying
for a miraculous rescue
707
00:47:24,107 --> 00:47:28,441
before the cops take us all to jail!
Amen! Is that good enough for you?
708
00:47:35,452 --> 00:47:36,976
You guys okay?
709
00:47:40,023 --> 00:47:41,081
Wow.
710
00:47:43,861 --> 00:47:44,953
Wow.
711
00:47:45,062 --> 00:47:49,726
No. We're not, actually.
We're in big trouble.
712
00:47:50,667 --> 00:47:53,192
Would you believe our van got stolen?
713
00:47:53,270 --> 00:47:56,000
That sucks.
Were you just at the retreat?
714
00:47:57,641 --> 00:47:59,905
Why, yes!
715
00:48:01,411 --> 00:48:04,608
Yes, we were at the retreat.
We were retreating.
716
00:48:04,915 --> 00:48:08,942
But now we're here,
alone in the wilderness,
717
00:48:09,286 --> 00:48:10,947
all by ourselves.
718
00:48:11,421 --> 00:48:15,482
Well, we could give you guys a ride
to the next town, I guess.
719
00:48:15,659 --> 00:48:19,254
That would be mighty kind.
We're headed to Nashville.
720
00:48:19,930 --> 00:48:21,795
We're from Arkansas.
We go right through there.
721
00:48:21,865 --> 00:48:23,298
Thank God you stopped.
722
00:48:23,367 --> 00:48:25,801
Well, you see four guys praying
by the side of the road,
723
00:48:25,869 --> 00:48:28,633
and you kind of feel obligated,
you know?
724
00:48:35,812 --> 00:48:36,972
Hello.
725
00:48:40,017 --> 00:48:41,814
Is your friend okay?
726
00:48:42,419 --> 00:48:45,320
I'm fine. Much better now.
727
00:48:46,490 --> 00:48:48,822
I can totally hear myself blink.
728
00:48:50,994 --> 00:48:52,188
Think.
729
00:48:59,670 --> 00:49:02,571
- So, do you guys wanna go to the cops?
- No.
730
00:49:03,073 --> 00:49:06,372
- Yeah, that car sucked, anyway.
- Yeah, it's insured.
731
00:49:08,245 --> 00:49:11,112
- So, what's next?
- Party, dumbass.
732
00:49:11,748 --> 00:49:13,648
Jake's baggie burst.
He's stoned and happy.
733
00:49:13,717 --> 00:49:16,151
Even Ass-rash here might get laid.
734
00:49:16,219 --> 00:49:17,777
Nobody's getting laid.
735
00:49:17,854 --> 00:49:21,346
Hate to tell you this, but
this is a church retreat about chastity.
736
00:49:21,425 --> 00:49:25,418
- What the hell is chastity?
- Abstinence from sexual intercourse.
737
00:49:25,629 --> 00:49:26,721
What?
738
00:49:26,863 --> 00:49:30,629
- Abstinence from sexual intercourse.
- No sex until marriage.
739
00:49:31,335 --> 00:49:33,530
Well, that's fucking perfect.
740
00:49:34,037 --> 00:49:37,006
I'm a devout heathen,
you're gonna cheat on your girlfriend
741
00:49:37,074 --> 00:49:39,304
with a beer pong model,
Jake's stoned out of his fucking gourd,
742
00:49:39,376 --> 00:49:40,741
and Ass-rash here is a Muslim.
743
00:49:40,811 --> 00:49:42,642
- I am Hindu, asshole.
- Is there a difference?
744
00:49:42,713 --> 00:49:45,580
And if you call me Ass-rash again,
I will rip off your arm
745
00:49:45,649 --> 00:49:48,550
and I will bitchslap you
with your own hand.
746
00:49:51,955 --> 00:49:53,582
Just a joke, man.
747
00:49:54,424 --> 00:49:56,984
No need to go all third world on me.
748
00:49:59,329 --> 00:50:01,194
Wow, is that your van?
749
00:50:03,100 --> 00:50:04,192
- Let go!
- Wow.
750
00:50:04,267 --> 00:50:05,256
- No. No.
- No.
751
00:50:05,335 --> 00:50:07,235
- That one's a taxi.
- No.
752
00:50:15,512 --> 00:50:17,480
- Ready? Okay.
- Okay, you got this.
753
00:50:17,547 --> 00:50:19,447
- I got this.
- All right.
754
00:50:27,724 --> 00:50:29,817
- My name's Sarah.
- Korkin.
755
00:50:30,427 --> 00:50:33,555
- What's your first name?
- People call me Korkin.
756
00:50:34,164 --> 00:50:35,529
So, Sarah,
757
00:50:36,933 --> 00:50:40,391
have you ever been tempted
to break the chastity code?
758
00:50:41,271 --> 00:50:42,704
I sure have.
759
00:50:43,874 --> 00:50:48,709
Well, Korkin,
my father, people call him Reverend.
760
00:50:49,012 --> 00:50:53,244
He founded the Chastity Movement.
So, does that answer your question?
761
00:50:54,851 --> 00:50:56,682
Yeah. Guess so.
762
00:50:56,953 --> 00:50:59,285
Good. Now I've got one for you.
763
00:50:59,790 --> 00:51:00,882
What's the deal?
764
00:51:00,957 --> 00:51:03,585
I saw you duck
when we passed the cops.
765
00:51:06,430 --> 00:51:08,193
Okay. Okay.
766
00:51:09,699 --> 00:51:11,098
I like you,
767
00:51:11,668 --> 00:51:14,967
so I'm gonna do something here
that I never really do, ever,
768
00:51:15,038 --> 00:51:16,630
- and tell the truth.
- You better,
769
00:51:16,706 --> 00:51:19,539
or you're going
to be finding another ride.
770
00:51:21,745 --> 00:51:25,237
We weren't at any retreat. No.
771
00:51:26,516 --> 00:51:30,612
Andy and Jake are actually beer pong
players from the University of Ithaca,
772
00:51:30,687 --> 00:51:31,779
and technically I'm their manager,
773
00:51:31,855 --> 00:51:34,790
but really I just tag along
to cause trouble.
774
00:51:35,725 --> 00:51:37,750
We're trying to get to Atlanta
for Nationals,
775
00:51:37,828 --> 00:51:39,318
but we've got to go
through Nashville first
776
00:51:39,396 --> 00:51:41,591
so that Andy can hook up
with a beer pong model.
777
00:51:41,665 --> 00:51:43,496
And our stolen van...
778
00:51:44,401 --> 00:51:48,497
I mean, our van was stolen by that chick
after she robbed a store
779
00:51:48,572 --> 00:51:50,301
and got us shot at.
780
00:51:51,908 --> 00:51:53,239
That's it.
781
00:51:53,944 --> 00:51:55,468
So will you take us?
782
00:51:55,545 --> 00:51:57,536
To Nashville or Atlanta?
783
00:51:59,216 --> 00:52:00,342
Both?
784
00:52:05,388 --> 00:52:06,753
Road trip?
785
00:52:07,357 --> 00:52:08,688
- Road trip!
- Road trip!
786
00:52:08,758 --> 00:52:10,487
- Yes!
- Yeah.
787
00:52:22,639 --> 00:52:23,765
What?
788
00:52:25,041 --> 00:52:26,269
Come on.
789
00:52:35,986 --> 00:52:37,476
What's wrong?
790
00:52:37,888 --> 00:52:40,789
Nothing. I just feel a little out of place.
791
00:52:40,857 --> 00:52:43,121
Girl, please, chill out. Here.
792
00:52:43,627 --> 00:52:47,586
Have some fun. I mean,
these girls are all really, really close.
793
00:52:49,733 --> 00:52:51,496
That's pretty close.
794
00:52:51,835 --> 00:52:55,635
So what I didn't tell you is,
we're all LUGs.
795
00:52:57,073 --> 00:52:59,803
- You're what?
- Lesbians Until Graduation.
796
00:53:00,810 --> 00:53:03,301
Okay. I'm confused
about a lot of things right now,
797
00:53:03,380 --> 00:53:06,008
but I'm pretty sure that I'm still straight.
798
00:53:06,082 --> 00:53:09,313
Yeah, okay.
That's what I said my first time, too.
799
00:53:31,241 --> 00:53:35,610
- Andrew.
- Hey, Jenna. So, we're on the road.
800
00:53:35,679 --> 00:53:37,874
Did you find another bus full of models
to play with?
801
00:53:38,515 --> 00:53:41,450
Yeah, but they only do
cornhole tournaments.
802
00:53:41,518 --> 00:53:43,247
You Americans and your corn.
803
00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:46,756
Anyway, my friends,
they start to think you are my fantasy.
804
00:53:46,823 --> 00:53:50,782
- Well, I am, right? Your fantasy?
- Of course, mon amour.
805
00:53:51,361 --> 00:53:55,661
Since our last kiss that tragic day,
you have been my one thought,
806
00:53:56,233 --> 00:53:58,963
my one breath, my one dream.
807
00:54:03,673 --> 00:54:05,937
No pregnancy. No VD,
808
00:54:06,843 --> 00:54:11,007
and let me just say,
women know how to love other women.
809
00:54:12,382 --> 00:54:14,441
That's the LUG life, baby.
810
00:54:14,584 --> 00:54:17,610
Yeah, I bet the initiation ceremony
is a whole lot of fun.
811
00:54:18,255 --> 00:54:19,813
So, are you seeing anyone?
812
00:54:19,889 --> 00:54:23,120
Other then drunk college boys
with beer breath and bad hair? No.
813
00:54:24,361 --> 00:54:25,589
And you?
814
00:54:25,662 --> 00:54:29,154
With your music career,
you must meet many beautiful women.
815
00:54:29,232 --> 00:54:31,063
Totally, all the time.
816
00:54:31,134 --> 00:54:33,694
I mean, too many to choose from, really.
It's crazy.
817
00:54:34,070 --> 00:54:38,234
How nice of you to fit me into your busy
schedule, monsieur Casanova.
818
00:54:38,308 --> 00:54:40,606
Well, we do have
some unfinished business,
819
00:54:40,677 --> 00:54:45,011
- if I recall correctly.
- Indeed we do. Indeed we do.
820
00:54:47,117 --> 00:54:49,585
I'm not saying you gotta LUG it out.
821
00:54:49,653 --> 00:54:53,589
I mean, how long has it been
since you haven't had a boyfriend?
822
00:54:54,557 --> 00:54:57,788
- Since about the sixth grade.
- Girl, please.
823
00:54:58,328 --> 00:55:01,388
How you supposed to be sure
about this guy unless you look around?
824
00:55:01,464 --> 00:55:03,989
And how do you know
he's not doing the same damn thing
825
00:55:04,067 --> 00:55:07,002
while he's out
on his mysterious little trip?
826
00:55:29,959 --> 00:55:31,756
Thank you for using
Auto Service System.
827
00:55:31,828 --> 00:55:34,456
My name is Sujatmi.
How may I help you?
828
00:55:34,531 --> 00:55:38,524
Sujatmi is a lovely name.
My name is Arash. I'm from Tandoor.
829
00:55:38,935 --> 00:55:40,095
Oh, my God!
830
00:55:43,440 --> 00:55:47,774
- Sujatmi, I'm so lonely.
- Arash, that is so sad.
831
00:55:48,178 --> 00:55:50,738
Sujatmi, I have not spoken
with a Tandoori female
832
00:55:50,814 --> 00:55:52,145
in many, many a moon.
833
00:55:53,016 --> 00:55:55,143
That is a long time, Arash.
834
00:55:55,352 --> 00:55:57,479
Is this a dream? Is this reality?
835
00:55:57,554 --> 00:56:00,614
No, this is all a fantasy.
836
00:56:00,990 --> 00:56:02,355
- Okay.
- Are you ready?
837
00:56:02,425 --> 00:56:03,449
For fantasy?
838
00:56:03,526 --> 00:56:05,050
- Yes. Yes.
- Yes.
839
00:56:06,062 --> 00:56:09,691
- What are you wearing?
- I'm wearing a very stylish shirt.
840
00:56:10,467 --> 00:56:13,732
I'm also wearing some pajamas
with squirrels, pink squirrels.
841
00:56:13,803 --> 00:56:15,327
What are you wearing?
842
00:56:15,405 --> 00:56:16,997
- A sari.
- A sari.
843
00:56:17,474 --> 00:56:20,409
I bet it is a lovely sari. What color is it?
844
00:56:26,916 --> 00:56:29,885
Well, here I am, Arash. Here I am.
845
00:56:29,953 --> 00:56:32,683
Your voice is so lovely right now.
Are you hot?
846
00:56:32,922 --> 00:56:34,787
Yes, I am so hot.
847
00:56:34,891 --> 00:56:36,984
- Are you hot?
- I'm very, very hot.
848
00:56:37,761 --> 00:56:40,559
So hot there is literally
a fire in my pants.
849
00:56:40,630 --> 00:56:42,029
How big is the fire?
850
00:56:42,365 --> 00:56:44,629
I'd say three to four-alarmer.
851
00:56:45,034 --> 00:56:47,195
It's a big one. Why don't you blow it out?
852
00:56:47,270 --> 00:56:50,000
- I can't. I can't. It's too big.
- Please.
853
00:56:50,173 --> 00:56:55,076
- You have put a spell on my banana.
- Yes. Is it peeling?
854
00:56:55,145 --> 00:56:57,477
- It is peeling. It is ripe.
- Yes.
855
00:56:57,947 --> 00:57:00,313
Right now, you're so tight,
I need to loosen you up.
856
00:57:00,884 --> 00:57:03,614
- You caveman.
- I will take you and, with a club,
857
00:57:03,686 --> 00:57:05,551
beat you on the head
and bring you to my cave.
858
00:57:05,622 --> 00:57:07,954
- Hibernate in the winter.
- Yes, talk dirty. Yes. Yes.
859
00:57:08,024 --> 00:57:10,219
- It's very dirty. I do not wipe anything.
- Yes. Yes.
860
00:57:10,293 --> 00:57:13,353
- There's stuff everywhere.
- I will bathe you.
861
00:57:13,430 --> 00:57:15,364
- You are the man.
- Do you like the loofah?
862
00:57:15,432 --> 00:57:17,764
- I do.
- I will loofah your behind.
863
00:57:18,168 --> 00:57:21,763
Smother you with lather.
I am playing with my banana.
864
00:57:21,871 --> 00:57:24,066
If you were in a field right now,
I would till it.
865
00:57:24,140 --> 00:57:26,267
No one has tilled it before.
866
00:57:26,443 --> 00:57:28,604
- No one has tilled you?
- No. Maybe.
867
00:57:28,678 --> 00:57:31,738
- I just want Tandoori boobiebs.
- That's me.
868
00:57:31,981 --> 00:57:34,472
Arash, Arash, Sujatmi is here.
869
00:57:34,551 --> 00:57:38,214
Sujatmi, I will take you home,
I will put you on my bed...
870
00:57:38,455 --> 00:57:40,787
- Oh, God.
... and then I will...
871
00:57:40,857 --> 00:57:42,620
All over your place.
872
00:57:49,566 --> 00:57:51,295
- Sujatmi.
- Arash.
873
00:57:51,367 --> 00:57:54,200
- Sujatmi, touch it, touch it.
- Arash.
874
00:57:54,671 --> 00:57:55,695
Touch it good.
875
00:57:55,972 --> 00:57:57,166
Arash!
876
00:57:58,942 --> 00:58:01,001
- I am playing the pied piper.
- Arash.
877
00:58:01,077 --> 00:58:02,476
- Arash. Arash.
- Peel the banana.
878
00:58:02,545 --> 00:58:05,810
Do you like the baby gravy
on your mashed potatoes?
879
00:58:10,820 --> 00:58:12,447
What did you do?
880
00:58:21,231 --> 00:58:23,756
It appears you have had an accident.
881
00:58:25,535 --> 00:58:27,366
Arash, what was that?
882
00:58:34,244 --> 00:58:37,145
Arash hit a wild boar
during his telephone orgasm,
883
00:58:37,213 --> 00:58:39,238
- and it got stuck under the bus.
- You killed it.
884
00:58:39,315 --> 00:58:41,943
I just ejaculated. Lick my balls.
885
00:58:42,018 --> 00:58:45,146
But they decided to leave it there
in case they got hungry.
886
00:58:45,221 --> 00:58:47,587
Kind of like when you're fishing
and you get hungry,
887
00:58:47,657 --> 00:58:49,989
so you decide to eat some worms.
888
00:58:53,162 --> 00:58:54,959
What? Fish eat them.
889
00:58:56,599 --> 00:59:01,298
That's all very fascinating, Kyle,
but I'd rather hear more about you.
890
00:59:01,371 --> 00:59:05,137
No, not me. In fact, my heart is racing.
891
00:59:06,943 --> 00:59:09,503
I want to hear the end. Please?
892
00:59:15,418 --> 00:59:18,319
So, our group was back on the move.
893
00:59:29,165 --> 00:59:30,689
- All right, Arash.
- You're coming?
894
00:59:30,767 --> 00:59:32,325
- I'm up.
- Okay. Done.
895
00:59:32,402 --> 00:59:34,029
- I've got the gas.
- You got it?
896
00:59:34,103 --> 00:59:36,094
- Yeah.
- All right, grab it.
897
00:59:36,172 --> 00:59:37,605
- Okay, cool.
- Okay, go under my arm.
898
00:59:37,674 --> 00:59:38,766
Okay.
899
00:59:40,543 --> 00:59:41,737
Got it.
900
00:59:45,982 --> 00:59:48,644
Arash, come on, man.
That's disgusting.
901
00:59:50,954 --> 00:59:52,717
What's new, virgins?
902
00:59:59,729 --> 01:00:01,356
We need to stop, okay?
903
01:00:01,564 --> 01:00:05,591
We're hungry, we're grubby,
and this bus smells like rancid bacon.
904
01:00:16,212 --> 01:00:18,680
You got a little eye booger there.
905
01:00:18,948 --> 01:00:22,042
- Where are we?
- We had to make a little stop.
906
01:00:22,619 --> 01:00:25,247
- For the night.
- Korkin, what'd you do now?
907
01:00:25,321 --> 01:00:27,812
It's more like,
what am I going to do now?
908
01:00:27,957 --> 01:00:32,053
Right now, I'm facing
the greatest challenge of my young life.
909
01:00:32,729 --> 01:00:36,756
Sarah is the daughter
of the preacher who founded
910
01:00:36,833 --> 01:00:38,824
Chastity Until Marriage.
911
01:00:39,636 --> 01:00:43,128
We pull this off,
we are talking legendary.
912
01:00:44,273 --> 01:00:47,003
- Biblical.
- So where are we?
913
01:00:48,711 --> 01:00:50,736
Getting lucky in Kentucky.
914
01:00:53,950 --> 01:00:56,475
- Where is my Katy's honey?
- Momma Hartman?
915
01:00:56,552 --> 01:00:59,919
There you are, sweetie.
I have missed you so much.
916
01:01:00,123 --> 01:01:02,455
Well, come on off this smelly bus.
917
01:01:02,525 --> 01:01:04,925
I am just so glad that my Katy called
and let me know
918
01:01:04,994 --> 01:01:07,394
that you boys needed a crash pad.
919
01:01:08,498 --> 01:01:11,467
Everybody grab a shower. Ladies first.
920
01:01:12,368 --> 01:01:15,929
Go on, go on. You know where it is.
Go on. There you go.
921
01:01:17,106 --> 01:01:20,803
In the meantime, I'm gonna figure out
something for supper.
922
01:01:22,779 --> 01:01:25,270
What in the world is... Oh, my gosh.
923
01:01:25,815 --> 01:01:28,443
There's fried chicken with all the fixings,
924
01:01:28,518 --> 01:01:32,181
and veggie lasagna
for all you poor non-meat eaters,
925
01:01:32,789 --> 01:01:35,349
and, Arash, honey,
I didn't know what you are,
926
01:01:35,425 --> 01:01:37,325
so I made you some enchiladas
927
01:01:37,393 --> 01:01:39,725
and some Pad Thai
and some Baba Ghanoush.
928
01:01:39,796 --> 01:01:41,696
We eat goat testicles.
929
01:01:42,899 --> 01:01:44,264
Delicious.
930
01:01:45,968 --> 01:01:48,766
- You boys look so spiffy.
- You look spiffy, too.
931
01:01:48,838 --> 01:01:52,274
I am so glad I didn't get rid
of Papa Hartman's old clothes.
932
01:01:52,341 --> 01:01:54,571
This is wrong. This is so wrong.
933
01:01:54,644 --> 01:01:57,670
We were nearby. I had to improvise.
934
01:01:58,948 --> 01:02:01,917
And by the way,
Katy said to give her a ring.
935
01:02:02,018 --> 01:02:04,145
- What?
- You should call her.
936
01:02:04,287 --> 01:02:07,950
May I have everyone's attention?
I wanna show y'all something.
937
01:02:08,024 --> 01:02:12,757
These are my two beautiful
oldest daughters, Katrina and Kerry,
938
01:02:12,829 --> 01:02:14,797
and their wonderful husbands.
939
01:02:14,864 --> 01:02:18,800
And then this is for my Katy and Andy.
940
01:02:19,702 --> 01:02:21,636
Hopefully someday soon!
941
01:02:24,040 --> 01:02:25,701
Isn't that sweet?
942
01:02:25,775 --> 01:02:30,235
Andy! Well, this just calls for a toast,
doesn't it?
943
01:02:31,981 --> 01:02:33,471
Yes! Toast.
944
01:02:33,549 --> 01:02:37,508
- To the future happy couple.
- Cheers.
945
01:02:41,124 --> 01:02:42,751
That's so sweet.
946
01:02:46,462 --> 01:02:47,861
Beer pong 101.
947
01:02:49,098 --> 01:02:52,625
- See what happens?
- Ready? All right.
948
01:02:54,804 --> 01:02:56,635
This is the face-off.
949
01:02:56,739 --> 01:02:59,731
Look into her eyes and be ready.
950
01:03:00,676 --> 01:03:01,938
A toast.
951
01:03:03,913 --> 01:03:06,074
To the ponging of the balls.
952
01:03:06,682 --> 01:03:07,910
- Cheers!
- Cheers!
953
01:03:10,653 --> 01:03:12,416
- Nice!
- Oh, my gosh.
954
01:03:14,891 --> 01:03:16,153
- No, they can judge you.
- No, they can't.
955
01:03:16,225 --> 01:03:19,422
That's not very judgmental.
Is that your thing?
956
01:03:20,029 --> 01:03:21,428
- Yes.
- Here.
957
01:03:22,565 --> 01:03:25,591
She's talking shit about you guys.
She's talking shit.
958
01:03:44,620 --> 01:03:47,521
Okay, so I'm here
not hearing from you all day,
959
01:03:47,590 --> 01:03:50,616
and you have that asshole Korkin
calling me for a place to stay?
960
01:03:50,693 --> 01:03:54,959
Yeah, I know, I'm sorry.
He stole my phone when I was asleep.
961
01:03:58,601 --> 01:04:01,866
- Impressive.
- Yeah, I know many survival skills.
962
01:04:02,705 --> 01:04:04,104
Yeah, sure.
963
01:04:04,607 --> 01:04:08,566
Andy, why aren't you in Georgia,
and what's with the busload of girls?
964
01:04:08,644 --> 01:04:11,977
Well, we had to hitch a ride.
Got a little detoured.
965
01:04:12,582 --> 01:04:15,142
But the Chastity Girls are harmless.
966
01:04:16,052 --> 01:04:19,419
- The Chastity Girls?
- It's a church group, sort of.
967
01:04:20,156 --> 01:04:22,590
- Anyway, I'm in your room.
- Right.
968
01:04:23,025 --> 01:04:24,583
Safe and sound.
969
01:04:24,927 --> 01:04:27,157
Sex without love dooms relationships,
970
01:04:27,230 --> 01:04:29,323
because people
spend more time screwing
971
01:04:29,398 --> 01:04:30,888
than really getting to know each other.
972
01:04:42,378 --> 01:04:43,640
- Nice.
- Oh, my gosh.
973
01:04:43,713 --> 01:04:45,704
- Did I just do that?
- Yes!
974
01:04:47,750 --> 01:04:48,842
Bye.
975
01:04:49,952 --> 01:04:53,820
So then, is sex without love
the same thing as premarital sex?
976
01:04:54,490 --> 01:04:56,958
People have different definitions.
977
01:04:57,526 --> 01:04:59,551
So what is yours?
978
01:05:00,429 --> 01:05:03,227
I've never really had the chance
to decide.
979
01:05:03,299 --> 01:05:07,099
Most guys don't have the balls
to go after a preacher's daughter,
980
01:05:07,169 --> 01:05:09,933
despite our reputation for being naughty.
981
01:05:11,607 --> 01:05:14,667
- I got your anniversary present.
- Already?
982
01:05:15,044 --> 01:05:16,636
Yeah, Korkin sent me the link.
983
01:05:16,846 --> 01:05:19,974
In The Buff? It's all over YouTube.
I can't believe you did that.
984
01:05:24,387 --> 01:05:27,982
Girl, it ain't so tough
To sing it in the buff
985
01:05:30,226 --> 01:05:33,821
In the buff!
986
01:05:38,034 --> 01:05:39,262
Korkin!
987
01:05:41,637 --> 01:05:42,763
Andy!
988
01:05:43,139 --> 01:05:46,074
In the buff, in the buff
989
01:05:47,310 --> 01:05:49,369
Half a million people, man.
990
01:05:49,445 --> 01:05:52,278
- It's a top-featured video on YouTube.
- I know.
991
01:05:52,348 --> 01:05:55,215
Now the whole world knows
you have no balls.
992
01:05:55,284 --> 01:05:57,582
That's still not funny.
It's never been funny.
993
01:05:57,653 --> 01:05:59,951
Dude, chill. I'm your promoter, right?
994
01:06:00,022 --> 01:06:04,550
I did my job. I made you a big star.
Now when Jenna sees Big A,
995
01:06:04,927 --> 01:06:08,761
- your little story will seem legit.
- I don't know about Jenna.
996
01:06:09,865 --> 01:06:13,198
I mean, Katy, she's so amazing.
997
01:06:14,337 --> 01:06:17,636
- She transferred just for me.
- Just see it through.
998
01:06:18,140 --> 01:06:20,506
When you get to Jenna,
you'll know what to do.
999
01:06:20,576 --> 01:06:24,410
Remember, this is a vision quest,
a rite of passage.
1000
01:06:25,681 --> 01:06:28,343
- A road trip.
- A road trip, yes, it is!
1001
01:06:31,587 --> 01:06:32,986
Now go away.
1002
01:06:33,055 --> 01:06:36,547
Leave me the fuck alone, please.
I'm on a mission here.
1003
01:06:37,426 --> 01:06:40,759
It's true, I walked down the streets
of Tandoori City,
1004
01:06:40,830 --> 01:06:43,298
I look in the monkey eyes, and I say,
1005
01:06:43,366 --> 01:06:46,199
"You are right.
There are no virgins here. "
1006
01:06:46,469 --> 01:06:47,959
What are the...
1007
01:06:49,905 --> 01:06:51,600
Too much caffeine.
1008
01:06:51,907 --> 01:06:53,932
Wanna get hot and sticky?
1009
01:07:09,825 --> 01:07:12,521
Arash, honey,
I found a pair of pants for you.
1010
01:07:12,762 --> 01:07:15,492
Thank you,
and thank you for the wonderful meal.
1011
01:07:15,564 --> 01:07:17,031
It was my pleasure, hon.
1012
01:07:17,099 --> 01:07:19,363
But I know your mom
could have done it better.
1013
01:07:19,435 --> 01:07:23,496
No. Your Baba Ghanoush surpassed
that of my father's finest cooks,
1014
01:07:23,906 --> 01:07:25,840
and actually, ma'am,
I don't have a mother.
1015
01:07:25,908 --> 01:07:29,605
My father wouldn't allow me to meet her
for fear we would conspire to kill him
1016
01:07:29,678 --> 01:07:32,112
and assume the throne of Tandoor.
1017
01:07:33,516 --> 01:07:37,680
I'm gonna tell you what I used
to tell my children every single day.
1018
01:07:39,355 --> 01:07:41,323
Your daddy's an asshole.
1019
01:07:41,524 --> 01:07:43,492
Now you come here to me.
1020
01:07:44,393 --> 01:07:45,621
Come on.
1021
01:07:46,762 --> 01:07:50,129
You have got a mama now. Yes, you do!
1022
01:07:50,199 --> 01:07:54,192
- You're my mama.
- Yes, I am your mama. You're my son.
1023
01:07:55,704 --> 01:07:58,104
- Let it out. Let it out.
- Asshole!
1024
01:07:58,474 --> 01:08:02,342
- Yeah. There you go. There you go.
- You are the hole in the ass.
1025
01:08:02,411 --> 01:08:05,471
- Yeah, that's better.
- Rectal chamber.
1026
01:08:05,548 --> 01:08:07,413
- Yeah.
- Dungeon of poo.
1027
01:08:11,187 --> 01:08:14,554
I know all about competitive
and domineering parents,
1028
01:08:16,025 --> 01:08:19,085
so if you decide to come to Ithaca,
I can help.
1029
01:08:20,362 --> 01:08:22,762
Thank you, Kyle. That's so sweet.
1030
01:08:24,967 --> 01:08:28,300
Lydia, let's go. We're leaving right now!
1031
01:08:29,505 --> 01:08:32,736
No, Mother. I'm staying.
1032
01:08:33,275 --> 01:08:37,939
And you know what? Leave me alone,
or I swear to God, I will go to Cornell,
1033
01:08:38,013 --> 01:08:40,709
and it will cost you a fucking fortune.
1034
01:08:49,125 --> 01:08:50,490
- Good job.
- Thanks.
1035
01:08:50,559 --> 01:08:51,787
Bye-bye.
1036
01:08:52,161 --> 01:08:53,560
Here you go.
1037
01:08:54,063 --> 01:08:55,394
Safe trip.
1038
01:08:55,831 --> 01:08:57,924
- Right, now you eat something.
- Munchies!
1039
01:08:58,000 --> 01:09:02,266
And, Arash, honey, I gave you
a little extra helping of Baba Ghanoush.
1040
01:09:02,705 --> 01:09:06,072
- You just call me anytime, you hear me?
- Yes.
1041
01:09:07,943 --> 01:09:09,808
I wish you birthed me.
1042
01:09:10,746 --> 01:09:13,306
I'm sorry for flooding your toilets.
1043
01:09:17,686 --> 01:09:18,880
Andrew.
1044
01:09:19,622 --> 01:09:22,455
Listen, I don't know what's going on
between you and Katy,
1045
01:09:22,525 --> 01:09:25,016
but just be honest with each other.
1046
01:09:27,196 --> 01:09:28,185
Hey.
1047
01:09:29,532 --> 01:09:30,521
Okay.
1048
01:09:32,434 --> 01:09:35,631
- It was good to see you.
- It was great seeing you.
1049
01:09:36,972 --> 01:09:40,703
And I jacked up the front of the bus
and cut that hog right out of there.
1050
01:09:40,776 --> 01:09:43,609
Well, enjoy your ham sandwiches,
everybody.
1051
01:09:44,980 --> 01:09:46,675
- Bye!
- See you.
1052
01:09:48,751 --> 01:09:50,446
- Bye!
- Bye!
1053
01:09:50,519 --> 01:09:53,784
Bye! Bye! Okay. Stay safe.
1054
01:10:04,600 --> 01:10:08,468
Ladies and gentlemen,
we have reached our final destination.
1055
01:10:08,771 --> 01:10:10,636
Prepare to get your pong on!
1056
01:10:28,123 --> 01:10:31,854
You throw like a girl! Two times,
you cannot hit even a small target?
1057
01:10:31,927 --> 01:10:33,189
- One more strike...
- Jenna!
1058
01:10:33,262 --> 01:10:35,924
...and you're out if I'm not in, baby!
1059
01:10:52,448 --> 01:10:54,211
So much has changed.
1060
01:10:54,283 --> 01:10:57,684
You're now so big and strong.
1061
01:11:00,122 --> 01:11:02,818
I'll take over.
Looks like you need a break.
1062
01:11:02,891 --> 01:11:05,519
Thanks. Hurry, come with me.
1063
01:11:20,576 --> 01:11:22,168
Hello, everyone.
1064
01:11:22,645 --> 01:11:24,545
This is my friend Andy.
1065
01:11:29,118 --> 01:11:32,178
You probably have seen
a lot of him on the net.
1066
01:11:36,258 --> 01:11:41,855
And he is here today especially
to perform his new song In The Buff!
1067
01:11:50,506 --> 01:11:54,374
- In The Buff! In The Buff! In The Buff!
- In The Buff! In The Buff! In The Buff!
1068
01:11:54,443 --> 01:11:57,241
- In The Buff! In The Buff!
- In The Buff! In The Buff!
1069
01:12:02,551 --> 01:12:05,645
After five years of love
1070
01:12:05,721 --> 01:12:08,713
This song's just not enough
1071
01:12:08,791 --> 01:12:13,728
So I decided I won't be denied
And I'll sing it in the buff
1072
01:12:13,796 --> 01:12:16,458
In the buff, in the buff
1073
01:12:17,399 --> 01:12:19,196
Girl, it ain't so tough
1074
01:12:19,268 --> 01:12:22,465
In the buff, in the buff
1075
01:12:22,705 --> 01:12:26,232
Girl, it ain't so tough to sing it in the buff
1076
01:12:35,951 --> 01:12:39,182
In the buff, in the buff
1077
01:12:39,588 --> 01:12:41,579
Girl, it ain't so tough
1078
01:12:41,657 --> 01:12:44,091
In the buff, in the buff
1079
01:12:44,159 --> 01:12:45,183
Oh, my God!
1080
01:12:45,260 --> 01:12:48,718
Girl, it ain't so tough to sing it in the buff
1081
01:12:53,102 --> 01:12:56,128
- Thank you!
- Thank you, my Andy.
1082
01:12:57,339 --> 01:13:01,400
- Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy!
- Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy!
1083
01:13:07,883 --> 01:13:09,510
What do you see?
1084
01:13:09,785 --> 01:13:12,481
An amazingly gorgeous girl
1085
01:13:12,755 --> 01:13:19,126
who once made a really dorky American
feel cool before falling out of a hay loft.
1086
01:13:22,865 --> 01:13:24,457
So let's see it.
1087
01:13:34,109 --> 01:13:35,235
Whoa.
1088
01:13:40,482 --> 01:13:42,507
Not too bad for a cadaver.
1089
01:13:45,988 --> 01:13:47,148
Hello.
1090
01:13:48,157 --> 01:13:50,125
Andy's song inspired me.
1091
01:13:54,396 --> 01:13:56,694
Oh, sweet God!
1092
01:13:59,301 --> 01:14:00,290
Hello!
1093
01:14:00,369 --> 01:14:03,361
But I'm having a little trouble
with this bra.
1094
01:14:04,740 --> 01:14:06,002
So did I.
1095
01:14:07,776 --> 01:14:10,404
Here, you know what, let me help you.
1096
01:14:11,447 --> 01:14:14,541
You know what you do
when someone has a boo-boo?
1097
01:14:16,118 --> 01:14:18,086
Kiss it. Make it better.
1098
01:14:27,596 --> 01:14:30,087
I've dreamed of this so many times.
1099
01:14:30,432 --> 01:14:34,459
Were they, how do you say,
the water dreams?
1100
01:14:35,003 --> 01:14:37,369
Yeah. Sometimes twice a day.
1101
01:14:43,412 --> 01:14:47,109
In the buff
1102
01:14:51,587 --> 01:14:52,986
In the buff
1103
01:14:53,055 --> 01:14:56,650
Girl, it ain't so tough to sing it in the buff
1104
01:15:03,265 --> 01:15:05,995
- Thank you!
- Thank you, my Andy.
1105
01:15:11,406 --> 01:15:13,840
Take it off for Andy!
1106
01:15:40,903 --> 01:15:44,669
I can't. I'm sorry. Sorry.
1107
01:15:45,841 --> 01:15:46,830
It's...
1108
01:15:48,310 --> 01:15:49,937
It's complicated.
1109
01:15:50,078 --> 01:15:53,775
Perhaps it's better that way,
because I must leave, anyway.
1110
01:15:54,516 --> 01:15:58,145
You know how I was hoping for the next
step on the ladder? Well, it came.
1111
01:15:58,220 --> 01:16:00,484
A big agency saw me
for a shoot in Paris.
1112
01:16:00,556 --> 01:16:03,389
That's great. You deserve it.
1113
01:16:04,593 --> 01:16:05,685
Yeah.
1114
01:16:06,194 --> 01:16:09,721
But always remember, when
those crazy model bitches attack...
1115
01:16:09,798 --> 01:16:13,461
Don't you crack, don't you crack
'Cause, baby, Big A's got your back
1116
01:16:14,770 --> 01:16:17,933
- Big A's got your back
- Big A's got your back
1117
01:16:18,607 --> 01:16:19,972
My Andrew.
1118
01:16:22,711 --> 01:16:26,078
Whatever happens, your complication
1119
01:16:26,848 --> 01:16:28,645
is a very lucky girl.
1120
01:16:39,194 --> 01:16:43,096
How about some of this? And then that?
You're gonna go down.
1121
01:16:43,165 --> 01:16:47,966
You're going to go downtown.
Take the train. Yes, you want some?
1122
01:16:48,070 --> 01:16:52,063
Here we go. Yes, here we go! Step it up.
1123
01:16:52,140 --> 01:16:54,267
- Yeah?
- You lied to me, Andy.
1124
01:16:54,643 --> 01:16:58,272
You really were freaked out.
So maybe after five years of love,
1125
01:16:58,347 --> 01:17:01,111
instead of getting in the buff,
you should have just told me the truth.
1126
01:17:01,183 --> 01:17:03,344
Have fun with your French beer bitch.
1127
01:17:03,418 --> 01:17:04,544
Liar.
1128
01:17:12,995 --> 01:17:14,189
Korkin? God...
1129
01:17:15,130 --> 01:17:19,157
Dude! What?
This is becoming a very bad habit.
1130
01:17:19,234 --> 01:17:21,668
We gotta leave, man. Now. Come on.
1131
01:17:22,404 --> 01:17:24,372
You couldn't do it, could you?
1132
01:17:24,439 --> 01:17:26,737
No, I could have. But I didn't.
1133
01:17:26,808 --> 01:17:30,039
Then that's why we came here, right?
To find out?
1134
01:17:30,112 --> 01:17:33,843
No, no. You wanted to come here.
I didn't want to come here.
1135
01:17:34,016 --> 01:17:38,009
I swear, if you didn't have
a boner right now, I'd kick your ass.
1136
01:17:38,754 --> 01:17:40,847
It's pretty intimidating, huh?
1137
01:17:40,922 --> 01:17:43,891
You know what? He probably
didn't mention that screwing you
1138
01:17:43,959 --> 01:17:47,053
would be the biggest challenge
of his life, did he?
1139
01:17:47,129 --> 01:17:50,860
- "Biblical," if I recall correctly.
- Biblical, huh?
1140
01:17:51,099 --> 01:17:53,897
- No.
- Let's see about that.
1141
01:18:35,677 --> 01:18:38,111
She won't answer any of my calls.
1142
01:18:38,947 --> 01:18:40,039
Who?
1143
01:18:41,850 --> 01:18:44,148
All right. I was just checking.
1144
01:18:46,521 --> 01:18:48,785
I taught him
the Tandoori national anthem.
1145
01:18:48,857 --> 01:18:50,222
And we found weed.
1146
01:18:50,292 --> 01:18:52,726
We encountered
a Tandoori team from Harvard.
1147
01:18:52,794 --> 01:18:54,056
And they wanna scrimmage us.
1148
01:18:54,129 --> 01:18:57,496
They gave us these glorious fatties
to celebrate the imprisonment
1149
01:18:57,566 --> 01:19:01,434
of Captain Mother Bitch Bag of Douche,
my father.
1150
01:19:03,004 --> 01:19:06,337
Yeah, and by the way,
I finally took a shit.
1151
01:19:06,408 --> 01:19:08,103
And get this,
1152
01:19:08,176 --> 01:19:10,406
- the weed was gone...
- But where did it go?
1153
01:19:10,479 --> 01:19:14,609
...and in its place was a turd in a baggie!
1154
01:19:15,584 --> 01:19:18,417
The human body
is truly an amazing machine.
1155
01:19:21,723 --> 01:19:23,884
- We have to go.
- Yeah.
1156
01:19:28,997 --> 01:19:30,726
Ladies and gentlemen,
1157
01:19:30,799 --> 01:19:34,929
your three-time defending
national champion,
1158
01:19:35,203 --> 01:19:37,569
Raz-R!
1159
01:19:45,914 --> 01:19:50,817
And last but not least,
representing the University of Ithaca,
1160
01:19:50,886 --> 01:19:55,255
North-East regional champions,
Hagan Hall!
1161
01:19:59,461 --> 01:20:00,951
What up, Fake?
1162
01:20:01,763 --> 01:20:03,253
Ready to be exposed
1163
01:20:03,331 --> 01:20:07,097
as the burnout, scraggily,
Sasquatch-looking fraud you are?
1164
01:20:07,402 --> 01:20:09,165
- I will bitchslap the...
- Hey, hey, hey.
1165
01:20:09,271 --> 01:20:10,670
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
1166
01:20:12,641 --> 01:20:14,768
I got nothing, bro. Sorry.
1167
01:20:16,845 --> 01:20:19,541
You got nothing
because you are nothing.
1168
01:20:20,215 --> 01:20:24,652
Why don't you go back to your dorm
where it's safe? Let the big dog eat!
1169
01:20:28,190 --> 01:20:29,589
- Contestants, take your places...
- You ready for this?
1170
01:20:29,658 --> 01:20:32,252
- Totally. I'm fine.
- ... for the Beer Pong Nationals.
1171
01:20:32,327 --> 01:20:34,852
Brought to you by Beer Pong America.
1172
01:20:46,508 --> 01:20:48,635
And now, round one.
1173
01:21:01,957 --> 01:21:06,018
- Oh, my God. That's amazing.
- Yeah. I actually invented that trick.
1174
01:21:19,040 --> 01:21:21,406
Round two, the quarterfinals.
1175
01:21:22,210 --> 01:21:28,712
- Go, go, go, go!
- Go, go, go, go!
1176
01:21:31,753 --> 01:21:33,277
Dude, you suck.
1177
01:21:48,003 --> 01:21:49,800
You'll never make it.
1178
01:21:53,275 --> 01:21:54,537
So close.
1179
01:21:55,510 --> 01:21:58,001
Hurricane Jake.
1180
01:21:58,513 --> 01:22:01,277
The Pong America Semifinals.
1181
01:22:06,154 --> 01:22:09,146
Okay. How do you do?
You want a piece of this?
1182
01:22:09,557 --> 01:22:13,357
- Okay, okay, okay!
- That's not really playing fair, is it?
1183
01:22:23,071 --> 01:22:24,538
Don't even...
1184
01:22:29,377 --> 01:22:30,469
Taxi!
1185
01:22:44,159 --> 01:22:46,457
- Damn.
- Excuse me?
1186
01:22:48,163 --> 01:22:49,630
Where's Andy?
1187
01:22:51,499 --> 01:22:53,126
The complication.
1188
01:22:56,137 --> 01:22:57,900
You're a lucky girl.
1189
01:23:01,076 --> 01:23:02,475
He's inside.
1190
01:23:13,121 --> 01:23:14,179
Any more weed?
1191
01:23:14,255 --> 01:23:16,849
The Tandooris have been smoking
since they lost in the first round,
1192
01:23:16,925 --> 01:23:21,055
- and now they're completely tapped out.
- That's gonna be a problem.
1193
01:23:22,864 --> 01:23:24,798
All right, guys. This is it.
1194
01:23:24,866 --> 01:23:27,460
I want a good clean match, okay?
No contact whatsoever.
1195
01:23:28,737 --> 01:23:31,729
Jake, you know what happens
when you drink too much.
1196
01:23:31,806 --> 01:23:34,832
Lost my high, bro. I gotta do something.
1197
01:23:35,043 --> 01:23:37,204
All right. Nice, Jake.
1198
01:23:37,946 --> 01:23:42,542
No surprises, okay?
It's us against Raz-R and Jabba.
1199
01:23:43,685 --> 01:23:44,743
Now, hey,
1200
01:23:44,986 --> 01:23:46,112
if Jake wins possession,
1201
01:23:46,187 --> 01:23:48,985
we have to hit every throw
'cause they will not miss.
1202
01:23:49,057 --> 01:23:50,820
- I know. Okay.
- Okay?
1203
01:23:52,227 --> 01:23:53,694
Get your shit straight.
1204
01:23:53,762 --> 01:23:55,730
- Okay. Okay.
- Okay? Okay.
1205
01:23:57,599 --> 01:23:58,623
- Ready?
- Ready.
1206
01:23:58,700 --> 01:24:01,032
- All right, do your thing.
- Okay.
1207
01:24:06,107 --> 01:24:07,199
Katy?
1208
01:24:10,178 --> 01:24:12,271
I swear, nothing happened.
1209
01:24:12,347 --> 01:24:14,338
- It doesn't matter.
- Okay, okay, something happened.
1210
01:24:14,416 --> 01:24:15,883
Something little. I kissed her
1211
01:24:15,950 --> 01:24:17,611
- on the lips and the toes...
- Andy.
1212
01:24:17,685 --> 01:24:19,585
...and the whole general foot
and ankle area...
1213
01:24:19,654 --> 01:24:23,420
Andy, it's okay. You made a mistake.
I made a mistake.
1214
01:24:23,491 --> 01:24:26,949
I shouldn't have transferred.
I'm gonna go back to CMU.
1215
01:24:28,329 --> 01:24:30,923
And then things can go back to normal?
1216
01:24:30,999 --> 01:24:34,799
Our weekly virtual thing?
'Cause I really like the Skype sex.
1217
01:24:36,004 --> 01:24:38,268
How about you could just be
my hometown guy for a while,
1218
01:24:38,339 --> 01:24:39,772
and we'll see each other on breaks?
1219
01:24:40,275 --> 01:24:41,367
Christmas, summer...
1220
01:24:41,443 --> 01:24:43,468
- Hey!
- Hey.
1221
01:24:43,545 --> 01:24:46,878
Hey, Katy. It's good to see you.
Listen, buddy, it's game time.
1222
01:24:46,948 --> 01:24:49,678
I know. Just one minute. Okay?
1223
01:24:49,751 --> 01:24:54,586
- You know what? Actually, I gotta go.
- No, no, no. It's the finals. Please stay.
1224
01:24:55,123 --> 01:24:56,750
Look, I really want you here.
1225
01:24:56,825 --> 01:25:01,023
Beer Pong America National finalists,
take your positions.
1226
01:25:01,963 --> 01:25:03,521
- Winner take all.
- Good luck.
1227
01:25:03,598 --> 01:25:05,623
- Thanks.
- And may the best team win.
1228
01:25:12,574 --> 01:25:16,601
Tournament rules apply,
and the decision of the judge is final.
1229
01:25:16,678 --> 01:25:19,670
The winner will be undisputed
world champions.
1230
01:25:20,415 --> 01:25:22,349
All right. This is it.
1231
01:25:22,917 --> 01:25:24,942
Trick shot for possession.
1232
01:25:25,186 --> 01:25:28,383
Peons, plebes and punkass bitches.
1233
01:25:34,095 --> 01:25:35,722
Miss it. Miss it!
1234
01:25:40,935 --> 01:25:43,733
- We're fucked.
- Thank you very much.
1235
01:25:51,079 --> 01:25:53,411
Bring it, Fake. What you got?
1236
01:25:53,681 --> 01:25:55,672
I'll tell you what I got.
1237
01:26:07,395 --> 01:26:08,760
God damn it!
1238
01:26:10,999 --> 01:26:13,126
Possession, Raz-R Bax.
1239
01:26:16,037 --> 01:26:19,336
Don't worry, boys.
It's gonna be quick and painless.
1240
01:26:42,964 --> 01:26:44,556
You. You and me!
1241
01:26:52,640 --> 01:26:54,631
This is ridiculous. Hey, Raz-R!
1242
01:26:54,709 --> 01:26:56,609
Why don't you just take
a little peek at that?
1243
01:26:56,678 --> 01:26:59,647
- Kiss it. Love it.
- You want a little piece of that?
1244
01:26:59,714 --> 01:27:01,944
Make a wish. Rub it.
The genie will come out, baby.
1245
01:27:02,016 --> 01:27:03,142
Fuck that shit.
1246
01:27:03,218 --> 01:27:04,549
- How about that? You want it?
- You like that?
1247
01:27:04,619 --> 01:27:06,849
- You hungry for that?
- Re-rack!
1248
01:27:08,289 --> 01:27:11,850
Are you serious? Golly!
1249
01:27:12,327 --> 01:27:14,522
How do you like that, son?
1250
01:27:14,596 --> 01:27:17,793
- That's real questionable, buddy.
- Forgot to wipe.
1251
01:27:19,033 --> 01:27:22,264
All right. Don't worry about it, guys.
Let's go! Let's go, Jake!
1252
01:27:32,747 --> 01:27:34,237
Tandoori time!
1253
01:28:11,619 --> 01:28:13,109
Ref, time out!
1254
01:28:14,155 --> 01:28:16,749
Thirty-second time out,
Hagan Hall from Ithaca.
1255
01:28:16,824 --> 01:28:18,849
Everybody, gather around.
1256
01:28:19,861 --> 01:28:23,160
Let's bow our heads,
close our eyes, and let's pray.
1257
01:28:26,100 --> 01:28:28,068
You gotta be kidding me.
1258
01:28:29,537 --> 01:28:31,266
Are you serious, man?
1259
01:28:31,339 --> 01:28:33,864
- It worked for you, didn't it?
- Yeah.
1260
01:28:35,076 --> 01:28:36,976
This is a fucking joke.
1261
01:28:39,914 --> 01:28:42,405
Bounce it at them. Finish them off.
1262
01:28:57,398 --> 01:29:01,300
Nice stop, Raz-R Bax.
Ball's to Hagan Hall.
1263
01:29:04,605 --> 01:29:05,833
Suck it!
1264
01:29:14,215 --> 01:29:16,809
Kiss it now, big boy. Kiss it now.
1265
01:29:18,986 --> 01:29:22,444
Ready? Ready? All right.
Let's send these bitches home.
1266
01:29:26,461 --> 01:29:27,758
You cool?
1267
01:29:27,929 --> 01:29:29,453
Yeah. I'm fine.
1268
01:29:31,666 --> 01:29:34,635
Shoot, freak. I'm waiting.
1269
01:29:35,269 --> 01:29:37,260
Are you guys seeing this?
1270
01:29:46,948 --> 01:29:49,178
It went in! Yes! It went in!
1271
01:29:49,717 --> 01:29:51,014
Fuck you!
1272
01:29:52,687 --> 01:29:54,211
Yeah!
1273
01:29:57,291 --> 01:29:58,451
Yeah!
1274
01:29:59,527 --> 01:30:00,551
No!
1275
01:30:00,995 --> 01:30:02,860
- Hey, Jake.
- Is he out?
1276
01:30:04,298 --> 01:30:06,892
He never has to drink this much, man.
He's got zero tolerance.
1277
01:30:06,968 --> 01:30:08,595
Fucking amateurs.
1278
01:30:08,803 --> 01:30:12,000
Even if you get it in, it's over.
No subs allowed.
1279
01:30:12,407 --> 01:30:16,639
He's right. The rule is,
if your partner can't shoot, you forfeit.
1280
01:30:17,545 --> 01:30:21,379
Maybe you wanna sing
your little swan song first, In The Buff.
1281
01:30:21,582 --> 01:30:23,709
Be my guest. It's all yours.
1282
01:30:27,989 --> 01:30:31,925
Hagan Hall, resume play or forfeit.
1283
01:30:31,993 --> 01:30:34,689
Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
1284
01:30:43,704 --> 01:30:47,697
- Thought you were with him.
- No. He was just a distraction.
1285
01:30:48,276 --> 01:30:50,210
Raz-R, you're the man.
1286
01:30:51,245 --> 01:30:53,475
Wait, what did she just say?
1287
01:30:54,916 --> 01:30:57,908
- What did she just say?
- She said I'm the man.
1288
01:31:10,698 --> 01:31:11,790
What?
1289
01:31:15,102 --> 01:31:17,161
Game over, asshole!
1290
01:31:18,272 --> 01:31:21,139
What? What?
1291
01:31:24,145 --> 01:31:25,134
Dude!
1292
01:31:26,981 --> 01:31:30,576
Okay, okay, not bad, Katy. Not bad at all.
1293
01:31:31,285 --> 01:31:34,482
I thought you said girlfriends
and beer pong don't mix.
1294
01:31:34,555 --> 01:31:37,115
- No.
- Welcome to the show, honey.
1295
01:31:38,659 --> 01:31:41,924
I thought you said
you were just my hometown honey.
1296
01:31:44,932 --> 01:31:47,298
We've got to find more weed.
1297
01:31:47,368 --> 01:31:51,429
And that's how Ithaca won
its first national sports championship.
1298
01:31:55,676 --> 01:31:58,270
Wait, well,
what happened to everybody?
1299
01:31:58,646 --> 01:32:02,013
Well, Andy tried to follow up
his You Tube success In The Buff
1300
01:32:02,083 --> 01:32:05,382
with the Beer Pong Song.
It ended up a one-hit wonder,
1301
01:32:05,453 --> 01:32:08,889
and his 15 minutes of fame
only lasted 15 minutes.
1302
01:32:10,525 --> 01:32:12,117
Katy regained her scholarship.
1303
01:32:12,193 --> 01:32:14,252
She and Andy hooked up
on Thanksgiving
1304
01:32:14,328 --> 01:32:16,592
and Christmas and summer break,
1305
01:32:16,664 --> 01:32:20,191
and that time he came home
for his great aunt's funeral.
1306
01:32:20,301 --> 01:32:21,768
Having met the perfect girl,
1307
01:32:21,836 --> 01:32:26,239
Arash returned to Ithaca, got a job
and worked his way through college.
1308
01:32:26,874 --> 01:32:28,671
But before he could commit,
1309
01:32:28,743 --> 01:32:31,871
he had to take her home to Kentucky
to Momma Hartman's field.
1310
01:32:31,946 --> 01:32:35,575
He needed Momma Hartman
to teach Sujatmi how to "till it. "
1311
01:32:39,353 --> 01:32:43,050
Jake now coaches Ithaca's
National Champion Beer Pong Team,
1312
01:32:43,457 --> 01:32:46,449
and we petitioned
to make it an Olympic sport.
1313
01:32:48,362 --> 01:32:50,262
And Korkin found the one girl
1314
01:32:50,331 --> 01:32:53,698
worth being doused
with concentrated urine and feces.
1315
01:32:54,268 --> 01:32:55,735
Good for him.
1316
01:32:57,305 --> 01:32:58,795
And as for me,
1317
01:32:59,607 --> 01:33:01,541
I will remain at Ithaca,
1318
01:33:01,609 --> 01:33:05,773
an ever vigilant PUSE
proudly serving our students,
1319
01:33:05,846 --> 01:33:09,009
until I can get a real job
or until my dad dies.
1320
01:33:09,984 --> 01:33:11,474
Any questions?
1321
01:33:14,021 --> 01:33:15,113
Yeah.
1322
01:33:16,624 --> 01:33:19,525
Could you tell me
where those LUGs hang out?