0 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:20,000 1 00:00:27,243 --> 00:00:29,143 Hey, Jeffrey. How are you? 2 00:00:29,312 --> 00:00:31,303 Hey, Jeffrey. 3 00:00:41,658 --> 00:00:43,125 Will you excuse me? 4 00:00:47,230 --> 00:00:49,460 That looks like a powerful scope. 5 00:00:49,866 --> 00:00:51,493 It was my dad's. 6 00:00:52,769 --> 00:00:56,170 I can't tell you how many times I found your dad right here... 7 00:00:56,339 --> 00:01:00,366 ...right here, sitting there looking through that thing. 8 00:01:02,679 --> 00:01:04,772 Seymour... 9 00:01:04,948 --> 00:01:06,779 ...if I can lose my dad... 10 00:01:06,950 --> 00:01:10,818 ...then what's to say I can't lose my mom too? 11 00:01:12,989 --> 00:01:16,481 I don't know why this thing happened, kid... 12 00:01:16,693 --> 00:01:18,888 ...but I do know your father loved you. 13 00:01:19,362 --> 00:01:23,856 And I'm sure he's up there right now watching out for you. 14 00:01:26,569 --> 00:01:28,730 You do right by him, Jeffrey. 15 00:01:29,305 --> 00:01:31,637 You look after your mother... 16 00:01:31,808 --> 00:01:35,175 ...and you become a man that he would be proud of. 17 00:01:37,013 --> 00:01:39,413 -What happened? Are you all right? -Yeah, I'm okay. 18 00:01:39,582 --> 00:01:42,312 Don't worry, you've got plenty of time. You'll get there. 19 00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:55,555 Bye, honey! 20 00:02:00,436 --> 00:02:02,768 Hey, where you going? 21 00:02:02,939 --> 00:02:04,304 Kiss your mom goodbye? 22 00:02:12,482 --> 00:02:13,847 Oh! 23 00:02:19,322 --> 00:02:20,311 Ooh. 24 00:02:22,659 --> 00:02:23,853 What a loser. 25 00:02:35,138 --> 00:02:36,833 What do you call that? 26 00:02:43,313 --> 00:02:45,474 Oh, my God. 27 00:03:08,404 --> 00:03:09,666 Oh. 28 00:03:12,208 --> 00:03:14,039 Jeffrey? 29 00:03:14,777 --> 00:03:16,574 -Jeffrey? What do you want? 30 00:03:16,746 --> 00:03:19,772 It's Jean-Paul. Something's wrong. 31 00:03:19,949 --> 00:03:22,417 It's just like he's, you know, like not normal. 32 00:03:22,585 --> 00:03:24,553 Just not normal. 33 00:03:25,755 --> 00:03:27,950 For the love of Mike, what happened? 34 00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:30,490 He was just like this when I found.... Oh.... 35 00:03:30,660 --> 00:03:33,060 There you go, Jean-Paul. It's gonna be okay. 36 00:03:33,229 --> 00:03:36,289 Sure it is, sure it is, yeah. 37 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:38,662 Oh. 38 00:03:39,769 --> 00:03:42,636 -No. -Oh, Jeffrey. Oh, Jeffrey. 39 00:03:42,805 --> 00:03:46,297 Oh, sweetie. Don't-- Jeffrey. 40 00:03:46,809 --> 00:03:48,037 Oh. 41 00:03:48,745 --> 00:03:51,043 That's nice for Jean-Paul. 42 00:03:54,550 --> 00:03:58,748 Well, oh, dear. Tsk. Bye-bye. 43 00:03:58,922 --> 00:04:01,117 Let's go, sweetie. 44 00:04:01,291 --> 00:04:04,419 Sometimes it takes a great tragedy... 45 00:04:04,594 --> 00:04:07,062 ...to make a man see his life clearly. 46 00:04:08,932 --> 00:04:12,766 I realize in my 29 years on this planet... 47 00:04:12,936 --> 00:04:17,373 ...I haven't told you often enough how much I appreciate you. 48 00:04:17,540 --> 00:04:23,775 But you are all I have left in this cruel world. 49 00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:28,579 And I'm not going to let anything come between us. 50 00:04:28,751 --> 00:04:30,742 -Oh.... -Ever. 51 00:04:31,621 --> 00:04:35,182 -I love you. -I love you too. 52 00:04:36,426 --> 00:04:38,587 Thank you, sweetie, love you. 53 00:04:38,761 --> 00:04:41,855 But you know what, honey? We really have to get going, we're late. 54 00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:43,825 I can see that my time is almost up. 55 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,468 So I want to share with you one final story. 56 00:04:46,636 --> 00:04:50,800 On a beautiful morning in 1998... 57 00:04:50,974 --> 00:04:54,000 ...I went to my doctor for a routine colonoscopy. 58 00:04:54,177 --> 00:04:58,307 He ran some tests to make sure I didn't have cancer... 59 00:04:58,481 --> 00:05:00,039 ...but I did. 60 00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:05,210 I tried every treatment known to Western medicine... 61 00:05:09,859 --> 00:05:13,727 ...and some unknown to Western medicine. 62 00:05:17,233 --> 00:05:19,292 Whoo! Ha-ha-ha. 63 00:05:20,636 --> 00:05:22,763 Nothing worked. 64 00:05:23,473 --> 00:05:26,306 I was told I was.... 65 00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:30,777 I was told I was going to die in six months. 66 00:05:31,914 --> 00:05:34,781 That was six years ago. 67 00:05:34,951 --> 00:05:37,476 I beat cancer. 68 00:05:38,921 --> 00:05:40,582 How? 69 00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:42,281 With my mind. 70 00:05:42,458 --> 00:05:45,791 I decided I was not gonna let some overactive clump of cells... 71 00:05:45,962 --> 00:05:48,226 ...stop me from living my life. 72 00:05:48,398 --> 00:05:53,563 From that moment on, I realized I could have anything my heart desired. 73 00:05:53,736 --> 00:05:55,203 You can too. 74 00:05:55,371 --> 00:05:59,569 Remember, you are the author of your own life story. 75 00:05:59,742 --> 00:06:03,473 Why not make it a happy ending? Thank you. 76 00:06:07,183 --> 00:06:08,707 Oh. 77 00:06:15,124 --> 00:06:17,718 One, two, three, four! 78 00:06:34,077 --> 00:06:37,444 -Son-of-a-- -Good morning, Jeffrey. 79 00:06:37,613 --> 00:06:41,344 That's Mr. Mannus to you, and there's nothing good about it. 80 00:06:41,517 --> 00:06:43,212 Jeffrey... 81 00:06:44,454 --> 00:06:46,979 ...did you change the window display? 82 00:06:48,925 --> 00:06:51,052 Sex sells, Seymour. 83 00:06:51,227 --> 00:06:53,889 Change it back, now! 84 00:06:54,063 --> 00:06:56,429 I'm putting Keith in charge of window displays. 85 00:06:56,599 --> 00:06:59,363 -What? -I need someone I can count on. 86 00:06:59,535 --> 00:07:02,629 Seymour, how long have I been employed here? 87 00:07:02,805 --> 00:07:04,067 Thirteen years. 88 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:07,403 Yeah. And in all that time, have I ever missed a day of work? 89 00:07:07,577 --> 00:07:11,775 Yes. More than any employee I ever had. 90 00:07:11,948 --> 00:07:14,576 There was the day your ant farm broke... 91 00:07:14,750 --> 00:07:18,686 ...the day you lost your hat, the day you had a sore tongue. 92 00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:21,585 I can't do my job if I can't enunciate. 93 00:07:21,757 --> 00:07:23,884 Jeffrey, I like you. 94 00:07:24,060 --> 00:07:26,722 I liked your father, he was a good friend... 95 00:07:26,896 --> 00:07:29,057 ...and a great Rotarian. 96 00:07:29,232 --> 00:07:32,759 But I need you to start taking this job seriously. 97 00:07:33,769 --> 00:07:37,398 Just behave or you're fired. 98 00:07:37,573 --> 00:07:39,598 You know, positivity goes back centuries. 99 00:07:39,775 --> 00:07:44,109 I mean, Jesus, Jesus, for crying out loud, was a motivational speaker. 100 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:45,907 -I mean, at his core. -I guess, yeah. 101 00:07:46,082 --> 00:07:47,106 --talk to him. 102 00:07:47,283 --> 00:07:50,218 I haven't done anything like that in years. What do I say to him? 103 00:07:50,386 --> 00:07:54,618 Just ask him a question. You could ask him a follow-up about his colon. 104 00:07:54,790 --> 00:07:58,123 This is utterly ridiculous. I have a lot of work to do. I'm just gonna-- 105 00:07:58,294 --> 00:08:00,558 Ask him anything, because here's the point: 106 00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:03,893 You can't spend the rest of your Friday nights... 107 00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:06,034 ...playing Scrabble with that son of yours. 108 00:08:06,202 --> 00:08:08,727 -I know. -You gotta dip your toe in the water. 109 00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:11,897 Somehow, some way, some dipping must occur. 110 00:08:12,074 --> 00:08:14,065 Stop talking about-- Okay, okay. 111 00:08:14,243 --> 00:08:16,643 -Calm down, relax. It'll be easy. -Okay, I'm mature. 112 00:08:16,812 --> 00:08:19,337 The third world's a region I'd like to get my hands on. 113 00:08:19,515 --> 00:08:22,006 -They could use some positivity. -Hi. 114 00:08:22,185 --> 00:08:23,777 -Hi. -Excuse me, gentlemen. 115 00:08:23,953 --> 00:08:26,444 -H-- -Hi. 116 00:08:27,623 --> 00:08:30,786 I don't want to interrupt anything, of course, but I was wondering... 117 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:35,021 -...if it's all right if I ask you a question? -Sure. Absolutely. 118 00:08:37,833 --> 00:08:40,529 Stem cells, that's what I mean. 119 00:08:40,703 --> 00:08:45,037 It's like, what do you think of the stem-cell research that's going on today? 120 00:08:46,275 --> 00:08:49,369 I'm no expert, but I think if it helps the human race, go for it. 121 00:08:49,545 --> 00:08:51,103 Good. Good answer. 122 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:52,941 Oh. Thank you. 123 00:08:53,115 --> 00:08:55,140 -Jan Mannus, right? -Me. Yes, I'm Jan. 124 00:08:55,318 --> 00:08:58,845 Associate Director of Human Resources. You are doing a hell of a job. 125 00:08:59,021 --> 00:09:00,818 Thank you for noticing. 126 00:09:00,990 --> 00:09:03,049 -Hmm. -Anyway.... 127 00:09:04,727 --> 00:09:07,992 -Okay. -Do you like, uh, jazz? 128 00:09:08,164 --> 00:09:09,188 Yes. 129 00:09:09,365 --> 00:09:10,764 -Do you? -I love jazz. 130 00:09:10,933 --> 00:09:12,992 You lo--? Well, I play in a band... 131 00:09:13,169 --> 00:09:17,868 ...and we gig on Friday nights at the Jazz Odyssey. 132 00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:19,268 Yes, I know that place. 133 00:09:19,442 --> 00:09:22,070 Do you? Good. Would you like to come with me? 134 00:09:22,245 --> 00:09:25,180 I'd love to come with you. That's the most wonderful invitation. 135 00:09:25,348 --> 00:09:26,838 -Thank you. -Terrific. 136 00:09:27,950 --> 00:09:31,818 But I'm afraid I can't on Friday night. 137 00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:35,890 -I'm sorry. What did you say? -I said I can't make it Friday night. 138 00:09:36,058 --> 00:09:37,753 I'm still not understanding you... 139 00:09:37,927 --> 00:09:40,862 ...because the word "can't" isn't in my vocabulary. 140 00:09:42,932 --> 00:09:47,232 You see, Jan, we never regret the things in life we do... 141 00:09:47,403 --> 00:09:50,566 ...only the things we don't. 142 00:09:51,407 --> 00:09:53,466 -I wrote that. -Ah. 143 00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:55,034 I do. 144 00:09:57,213 --> 00:10:00,080 I do, but you know what I mean, not like the whole "I do." 145 00:10:00,249 --> 00:10:01,773 I mean, what I'm saying is yes. 146 00:10:01,951 --> 00:10:04,681 I would like to go with you... 147 00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:07,982 ...and listen to you play the jazz. 148 00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:14,519 -Hi, sweetheart. -What are you doing here? 149 00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:16,597 I thought I'd give you a ride home. 150 00:10:16,766 --> 00:10:20,725 Guess who I ran into yesterday? Jennifer Cushman's mother. 151 00:10:20,903 --> 00:10:23,167 Jennifer Cushman is apparently getting a divorce. 152 00:10:23,339 --> 00:10:24,772 -Good for her. -I know. 153 00:10:24,940 --> 00:10:29,343 She'll be at the church's single mixer on Friday so I thought you might wanna go. 154 00:10:29,512 --> 00:10:31,537 I have plans with you Friday night, remember? 155 00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:32,976 Oh, right. 156 00:10:33,149 --> 00:10:36,118 Why are you so concerned about my personal life all of a sudden? 157 00:10:36,285 --> 00:10:39,812 You haven't been on a date in three years, Jeffrey. I'm concerned about-- 158 00:10:39,989 --> 00:10:41,513 Neither have you. 159 00:10:41,691 --> 00:10:43,352 Well, I got asked out today, and.... 160 00:10:43,526 --> 00:10:46,495 -Pfft. Please. -What do you mean, "Please"? 161 00:10:46,662 --> 00:10:49,062 Can you--? What is wrong with me getting asked out? 162 00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:51,358 -You're a middle-aged widow. -I'm not that old. 163 00:10:51,534 --> 00:10:53,627 Not some trollop out of a Jackie Collins novel. 164 00:10:53,803 --> 00:10:56,772 There's no reason to be absolutely ugly to me in front of people. 165 00:10:56,939 --> 00:11:00,067 I'm trying to protect you. What if it doesn't work out, like the last one? 166 00:11:00,242 --> 00:11:02,642 I couldn't bear to see you get hurt again. 167 00:11:02,812 --> 00:11:07,340 You know something, we never regret the things that we actually do in our lives... 168 00:11:07,516 --> 00:11:10,417 ...only the things that we don't do. So. 169 00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:13,111 Where did you get that pseudo-philosophical platitude? 170 00:11:13,289 --> 00:11:15,120 -It doesn't matter. -Dr. Phil? 171 00:11:15,291 --> 00:11:17,987 Okay, that's not funny. I think I'm gonna go. 172 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:20,128 Okay, fine. 173 00:11:20,296 --> 00:11:23,459 So. When is this date? 174 00:11:24,133 --> 00:11:28,035 -Friday night. -What? That's Putt-Putt night. 175 00:11:28,204 --> 00:11:31,799 But I said I was sorry. -Well, I'm afraid sorry won't do. 176 00:11:31,974 --> 00:11:34,408 I know, I know, sweetheart. 177 00:11:34,577 --> 00:11:38,775 What if I make your favorite, huh? What do you think? Little bitty? 178 00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:41,212 No! You can't win back my affection with Manwich. 179 00:11:41,384 --> 00:11:44,285 This has been the worst day of my life. I'm going to my room. 180 00:12:27,663 --> 00:12:30,188 Did you do something to your hair? 181 00:12:30,366 --> 00:12:32,129 I cut it. 182 00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:37,995 A little garish, but not altogether unattractive. 183 00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:41,666 -Really? -What's the occasion? 184 00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:44,506 Well, I have a date tonight, remember? 185 00:12:45,381 --> 00:12:47,941 Oh, yes, right, of course. 186 00:12:48,117 --> 00:12:51,245 The bitter sting of rejection's coming back to me now. 187 00:12:51,420 --> 00:12:54,253 Jeffrey. Oh, my goodness, here it is. 188 00:12:54,423 --> 00:12:55,856 Well, have a nice day. 189 00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:58,516 -Aren't you forgetting something? -What? 190 00:12:58,694 --> 00:13:01,629 It comes in a brown paper sack, and rhymes with my lunch. 191 00:13:01,797 --> 00:13:03,958 I just didn't have time to make it this morning. 192 00:13:04,133 --> 00:13:07,660 Why can't you just grab yourself a little sandwich or something? 193 00:13:07,837 --> 00:13:11,534 All right, honey? Bye-bye, bye-bye. There you go. 194 00:13:29,158 --> 00:13:31,126 Can I help you? 195 00:13:32,862 --> 00:13:35,956 Yes. Do you have anything that's not utterly repugnant? 196 00:13:36,131 --> 00:13:37,393 No. 197 00:13:39,168 --> 00:13:40,999 Okay. 198 00:13:41,170 --> 00:13:44,799 Fine, give me three biscottis... 199 00:13:44,974 --> 00:13:47,135 ...two chocolate chip fudge brownies... 200 00:13:47,309 --> 00:13:50,039 ...and one of these giant Rice Krispie abominations. 201 00:13:50,212 --> 00:13:52,180 Maybe a heart attack will teach my mother... 202 00:13:52,348 --> 00:13:55,340 -...a lesson in abandonment. -Maybe. 203 00:13:55,985 --> 00:13:57,748 Biscotti. 204 00:14:00,890 --> 00:14:02,289 That's a cool store. 205 00:14:02,458 --> 00:14:07,088 It's actually got some character, unlike those lame mega-chains. 206 00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:08,821 Do you like working there? 207 00:14:08,998 --> 00:14:12,331 It's paying the bills until I make my first astronomical discovery. 208 00:14:12,501 --> 00:14:16,164 You're an astronomer? That's cool. 209 00:14:16,772 --> 00:14:20,208 I'm a singer, actually. Well, trying to be. 210 00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:23,044 Most of my songs that I write are about... 211 00:14:23,212 --> 00:14:26,204 ...how corporate America's totally screwing up our culture. 212 00:14:26,382 --> 00:14:29,146 I'm calling my first album "Bed, Bath and Bullshit." 213 00:14:29,318 --> 00:14:30,649 So.... 214 00:14:30,819 --> 00:14:35,085 I actually do a show here every Saturday. 215 00:14:36,025 --> 00:14:39,290 It's not sappy. You know, my songs aren't about love or anything. 216 00:14:39,461 --> 00:14:41,395 They're about... 217 00:14:41,564 --> 00:14:44,431 ...how much I hate corporations. 218 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:49,196 So, anyway, that will be 10.76. 219 00:14:49,371 --> 00:14:53,239 For stale bread and cereal? That's obscene. 220 00:14:53,409 --> 00:14:57,778 I know. The guys who own this place are a bunch of poser A-holes. 221 00:14:57,947 --> 00:15:03,351 So.... But I'll give you my employee discount if you want. 222 00:15:04,753 --> 00:15:07,017 It's 10 dollars even. 223 00:15:10,659 --> 00:15:14,026 All right, here you go. 224 00:15:14,930 --> 00:15:17,398 Well, take it easy. 225 00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:29,641 Here. 226 00:15:29,812 --> 00:15:32,076 This is redeemable for a free book. 227 00:15:32,247 --> 00:15:36,308 Not including first editions or new releases... 228 00:15:36,485 --> 00:15:39,318 -...or fiction. -Thanks. 229 00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:41,785 Or non-fiction. 230 00:15:44,393 --> 00:15:46,088 It's-- 231 00:15:48,897 --> 00:15:50,990 We-- 232 00:16:08,651 --> 00:16:09,640 Woo. Oh. 233 00:16:16,925 --> 00:16:21,089 Thank you. Thank you very much for coming out to the Jazz Odyssey tonight. 234 00:16:21,263 --> 00:16:25,757 For our last song, I'd like to dedicate it to a very special lady... 235 00:16:25,934 --> 00:16:28,164 -...in the audience tonight. -Oh-- 236 00:16:50,526 --> 00:16:51,686 Do you mind if I say this? 237 00:16:51,860 --> 00:16:54,727 I just can't get over what a great singer you are. I mean that. 238 00:16:54,897 --> 00:16:57,798 Well, Nat King Cole, that's a great singer. I'm just a wannabe. 239 00:16:57,966 --> 00:16:59,399 You know something? I disagree. 240 00:16:59,568 --> 00:17:02,662 To me, I think that you could have your own Christmas special even. 241 00:17:02,838 --> 00:17:07,639 Thank you. That's very kind. Actually, music is just another hobby for me. 242 00:17:07,810 --> 00:17:11,507 Kind of like golf and horseback riding and archery. 243 00:17:11,714 --> 00:17:13,375 And wine making. 244 00:17:13,549 --> 00:17:15,039 -Of course, puppetry. -Oh. 245 00:17:15,217 --> 00:17:19,085 My goodness. I just don't even understand how you find time for all of it. 246 00:17:19,254 --> 00:17:22,382 I think we always find time for the things that are important to us. 247 00:17:22,558 --> 00:17:24,185 Don't we? What's important to you? 248 00:17:24,359 --> 00:17:25,417 -Me? -Yeah. 249 00:17:25,594 --> 00:17:26,788 Oh, my goodness. Well.... 250 00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:29,396 Unless I'm being too personal, because I don't wanna-- 251 00:17:29,565 --> 00:17:31,795 No, not at all. I just haven't thought about... 252 00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:34,629 ...what's important to me in a really long time, so.... 253 00:17:34,803 --> 00:17:36,896 Well, maybe it's time you start. 254 00:17:37,072 --> 00:17:38,801 What a wonderful evening I had. 255 00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:41,033 -You are so nice. -Well, thank you, I did too. 256 00:17:41,210 --> 00:17:43,405 Would you like to maybe do it again? 257 00:17:44,446 --> 00:17:46,505 -You mean go out again? -Yeah. 258 00:17:46,682 --> 00:17:49,173 I mean, my God, you're beautiful, you're smart, and.... 259 00:17:49,351 --> 00:17:51,615 Plus, you like my singing, so there's that. 260 00:17:51,787 --> 00:17:54,950 Seriously, though, I think being a single mother... 261 00:17:55,124 --> 00:17:58,355 ...is the most noble thing that anyone could ever do. 262 00:17:58,527 --> 00:18:02,520 It takes strength and fortitude to raise a well-adjusted child... 263 00:18:02,698 --> 00:18:05,098 ...who is prepared to go out and take on the world... 264 00:18:05,267 --> 00:18:08,168 ...and I think what you've done is just terrific. 265 00:18:08,971 --> 00:18:10,871 -You know something, Mert? -Yeah. 266 00:18:11,039 --> 00:18:13,837 -I have to be completely honest with you. -Mm-hm. 267 00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:16,102 My son lives with me. 268 00:18:16,278 --> 00:18:17,609 Oh. 269 00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:19,814 He's still in school? 270 00:18:19,982 --> 00:18:24,646 He's 29. I know what you're thinking. He should have his own place hands down. 271 00:18:24,820 --> 00:18:27,983 But, you know, the thing is we made a big agreement. 272 00:18:28,157 --> 00:18:29,886 That he could live at home until he makes... 273 00:18:30,058 --> 00:18:31,958 -...his first astronomical discovery. -Oh. 274 00:18:32,327 --> 00:18:35,262 Astronom-- Wow, that's-- Boy, that sounds ambitious. 275 00:18:35,430 --> 00:18:37,455 -Yeah. -I'd love to meet him. 276 00:18:38,801 --> 00:18:39,790 Sure, of course. 277 00:18:39,968 --> 00:18:44,234 But you're not talking about now, right? No, yeah, because he's not actually here. 278 00:18:44,406 --> 00:18:47,136 -It could be another time. -Okay. Another time, well, good. 279 00:18:47,309 --> 00:18:49,539 Well, listen, I'll call you. 280 00:18:49,711 --> 00:18:51,178 -Oh, okay. -All right. 281 00:18:51,346 --> 00:18:53,246 Sure. Do that. Whoa. Ha-ha. 282 00:18:55,617 --> 00:18:56,811 -Oh, boy. -Good night. 283 00:18:56,985 --> 00:18:58,316 Good night. 284 00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:20,791 Jeffrey? 285 00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:22,994 That's my name, don't wear it out. 286 00:20:23,171 --> 00:20:25,401 Well, what are you doing up? 287 00:20:25,574 --> 00:20:28,042 Where did you say you were again? 288 00:20:28,210 --> 00:20:30,701 I told you, sweetie. I was out with Barbara. 289 00:20:30,879 --> 00:20:33,439 -Lie! I called Barbara's house. -Hah! 290 00:20:33,615 --> 00:20:35,845 Her son told me he was with her all night. 291 00:20:36,018 --> 00:20:39,044 You've been cavorting around with that Mert character, haven't you? 292 00:20:39,221 --> 00:20:42,349 -Oh, tough. -I knew it. 293 00:20:43,125 --> 00:20:45,184 Have you had sex with him? 294 00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:48,659 -I'm not going to answer that. -You have. 295 00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:52,857 Oh. I hope you used a condom. I'm sure he has herpes. 296 00:20:53,035 --> 00:20:54,263 Oh! 297 00:20:59,107 --> 00:21:01,041 -I want you to meet him. -Forget it. No! 298 00:21:01,209 --> 00:21:04,610 If you wanna skulk around behind my back with some VD-ridden sex maniac... 299 00:21:04,780 --> 00:21:08,079 ...who keeps you out until all hours of the night, that's your business. 300 00:21:08,250 --> 00:21:10,684 -But I want nothing to do with him. -Can't you just... 301 00:21:10,852 --> 00:21:13,582 ...make this easier on me for once, Jeffrey, and meet him? 302 00:21:13,755 --> 00:21:15,313 I'm sorry, but the answer is no. 303 00:21:15,490 --> 00:21:19,085 Come on, sweetie. We can go to Putt-Putt. 304 00:21:19,328 --> 00:21:20,852 Hmm? 305 00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:22,955 Hmm? 306 00:21:25,267 --> 00:21:28,498 So, Mert. You ever been married before? 307 00:21:28,670 --> 00:21:29,694 I was married once. 308 00:21:29,871 --> 00:21:31,463 -Divorced? -Deceased. 309 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:33,267 -Any kids? -No. 310 00:21:33,442 --> 00:21:34,773 Why do you hate children? 311 00:21:34,943 --> 00:21:37,912 Well, actually, my wife had ovarian cancer. 312 00:21:39,081 --> 00:21:41,982 Would you call yourself a religious man? 313 00:21:42,317 --> 00:21:43,750 I'm agnostic. 314 00:21:43,919 --> 00:21:46,581 -Don't believe in God, I guess? -That's an atheist. 315 00:21:46,755 --> 00:21:50,486 How many pieces of string would it take to connect the Earth to the moon? 316 00:21:50,659 --> 00:21:51,751 One, if it were long enough. 317 00:21:56,465 --> 00:21:58,057 Go ahead, just-- -So, we can just-- 318 00:21:58,233 --> 00:22:00,565 Yeah, bend over. Come on. I know. 319 00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:02,101 Just bend over. 320 00:22:02,270 --> 00:22:04,568 Excuse us for just a second. 321 00:22:06,808 --> 00:22:08,105 -Hit it softer. Yeah. -Yeah! 322 00:22:08,276 --> 00:22:10,676 -Okay, all right, okay. -Oh. Okay. 323 00:22:10,846 --> 00:22:13,144 -Not bad, huh? Go ahead, Jeffrey. -Thank you, Mert. 324 00:22:13,315 --> 00:22:17,479 Show us how. Well, you know, I play a little bit, so.... 325 00:22:17,652 --> 00:22:20,917 -Come on, Jeffrey. Show us how. -Yes, Jeffrey, yes. 326 00:22:21,089 --> 00:22:23,182 Here you go, Jeffrey. 327 00:22:24,559 --> 00:22:27,426 Ah! Oh! 328 00:22:27,596 --> 00:22:29,291 -Jeffrey! -Oh! 329 00:22:29,464 --> 00:22:31,329 -Nice shot. -Hats off, Jeffrey. 330 00:22:31,500 --> 00:22:33,593 -Outstanding. -Oh, my. 331 00:22:33,769 --> 00:22:38,934 It's called a triple ricochet, Mert, and it took me years to perfect. 332 00:22:39,107 --> 00:22:41,701 Isn't this so much fun? You know what, sweetie? 333 00:22:41,877 --> 00:22:43,105 You know what we could do? 334 00:22:43,278 --> 00:22:47,271 We could-- Maybe next time you could bring a date, and we could play doubles. 335 00:22:47,449 --> 00:22:49,747 You know dating is not an option for me... 336 00:22:49,918 --> 00:22:52,113 ...given the lack of privacy I have in the house. 337 00:22:52,287 --> 00:22:53,914 Honey. 338 00:23:00,796 --> 00:23:02,730 Oh! Look what he did. -Yes! 339 00:23:02,898 --> 00:23:04,661 Ha-ha. -Ho! Ho-ho! 340 00:23:05,567 --> 00:23:07,728 Beginner's luck. That's all that was. 341 00:23:09,071 --> 00:23:12,006 -Oh. I know! -That's just-- How impressive is that? 342 00:23:12,174 --> 00:23:14,142 Well, I read the break. That's what I did. 343 00:23:17,012 --> 00:23:21,779 Well, what do you know, Jeffrey. We're tied at 29. I could live with that. 344 00:23:22,250 --> 00:23:25,310 Naturally, you'd be content with mediocrity, Mert. 345 00:23:25,487 --> 00:23:29,480 I, on the other hand, play to taste the savory thrill of victory. 346 00:23:29,658 --> 00:23:31,751 Fine, all right, suit yourself. 347 00:23:31,927 --> 00:23:33,827 Your mom's waiting in the car. 348 00:23:33,995 --> 00:23:37,522 She's a little bit worn out from having played for five hours. 349 00:23:48,043 --> 00:23:49,738 Ho! 350 00:23:49,911 --> 00:23:53,574 Ha-ha! Should have gone with a tie, son. Ha-ha-ha. 351 00:24:02,958 --> 00:24:07,190 -Oh. Tough luck there. -No, that's a do-over. 352 00:24:07,362 --> 00:24:10,354 Official rules state I'm eligible for another turn. 353 00:24:14,669 --> 00:24:15,693 Oh-- Got it. 354 00:24:16,138 --> 00:24:18,868 He's entering the third stage of shock right now. 355 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,565 I gotta get out of here. I have very fragile-- 356 00:24:21,743 --> 00:24:24,109 -Give me your hand, son. -I can't. 357 00:24:24,279 --> 00:24:27,112 It's cutting deep into my flesh. I think I can feel the blood. 358 00:24:27,282 --> 00:24:30,581 -It's a dull blade, sir. There's nothing there. -No, give me some gauze. 359 00:24:30,752 --> 00:24:33,050 -I need some gauze. Come on, give me a hand. Push. 360 00:24:33,221 --> 00:24:36,384 -Push? I'm not giving birth here. -Chuck, get the Jaws of Life. 361 00:24:36,558 --> 00:24:39,721 Mert? If you can hear me, I get another shot. 362 00:24:40,295 --> 00:24:42,729 Mert. Whoo. What a guy, huh? 363 00:24:43,265 --> 00:24:47,725 Honey? Did you--? What did you--? What did you think of Mert? I mean, did you--? 364 00:24:47,903 --> 00:24:50,565 I'm sorry. I can't give you my blessing. 365 00:24:50,739 --> 00:24:53,537 He simply doesn't have your best interest at heart. 366 00:24:53,708 --> 00:24:56,370 I suggest you break it off with him via e-mail... 367 00:24:56,545 --> 00:24:58,979 ...he may react violently if you do it in person. 368 00:24:59,147 --> 00:25:02,344 Morning, gang. -Hi, M-mert. 369 00:25:02,517 --> 00:25:03,848 What are you doing here? 370 00:25:05,353 --> 00:25:09,346 Uh.... Haven't you told him yet? 371 00:25:09,524 --> 00:25:12,391 -Told me what? -Well.... 372 00:25:13,295 --> 00:25:15,195 -Well.... -Well... 373 00:25:15,363 --> 00:25:19,493 ...Jeffrey, your mother and I have made a decision. 374 00:25:19,668 --> 00:25:21,363 You're never going to see each other again? 375 00:25:22,737 --> 00:25:27,174 -No. -No, no. 376 00:25:27,342 --> 00:25:30,368 No, no, no, sweetheart, no, no. 377 00:25:30,545 --> 00:25:34,606 Actually, what's happening is that Mert is going to kind of like... 378 00:25:34,783 --> 00:25:38,776 ...kind of, sort of move... 379 00:25:38,954 --> 00:25:41,149 ...in, around the house a little bit, you know? 380 00:25:41,323 --> 00:25:45,851 Kind of like on a temporary sort of-- Like sort of be here, and kind of-- 381 00:25:46,027 --> 00:25:49,827 Oh, God. Mert, move in. Like, with us, and.... 382 00:25:50,532 --> 00:25:54,935 Well, we wanna.... We want to know how you feel. 383 00:25:55,770 --> 00:25:57,328 Jeffrey? 384 00:25:59,407 --> 00:26:01,500 Can I speak to you in private, please? 385 00:26:15,257 --> 00:26:16,383 Obviously you're upset. 386 00:26:16,558 --> 00:26:19,391 Of course I'm upset. I wasn't even consulted, for Pete's sake. 387 00:26:19,561 --> 00:26:23,156 I'm so sorry. It's just that the last six weeks have been a whirlwind and-- 388 00:26:23,331 --> 00:26:25,424 What was all that about you wanting my opinion? 389 00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:27,158 You don't care about what I think. 390 00:26:27,335 --> 00:26:29,565 Of course I care what you think, you're my son. 391 00:26:29,738 --> 00:26:31,763 I love you more than anything in the world... 392 00:26:31,940 --> 00:26:35,205 ...and Mert's moving in isn't going to change that one iota. 393 00:26:35,377 --> 00:26:38,744 Now, I know this is an adjustment, but you know what I think? 394 00:26:38,913 --> 00:26:42,041 I think you're gonna enjoy having a man around the house. 395 00:26:42,217 --> 00:26:43,980 I am a man around the house. 396 00:26:44,152 --> 00:26:47,053 Fixed the sink. The p-trap collar nut was loose. 397 00:26:47,656 --> 00:26:49,647 It's two machines in one. 398 00:26:49,824 --> 00:26:52,987 Now for the first time ever you can make homemade sausage... 399 00:26:53,161 --> 00:26:57,063 ...and homemade pasta as easy as one, two, three. 400 00:27:03,338 --> 00:27:08,469 Look, I know we sprung this on you a little bit abruptly... 401 00:27:08,643 --> 00:27:12,579 ...so I don't blame you if you feel angry. That's an authentic emotion. 402 00:27:12,747 --> 00:27:15,944 I encourage you to go ahead and experience it. 403 00:27:16,951 --> 00:27:20,045 But just so you know... 404 00:27:20,221 --> 00:27:23,782 ...I don't wanna replace your father, and I.... Ha. Heh. 405 00:27:23,958 --> 00:27:26,518 I don't expect you to call me dad. 406 00:27:27,128 --> 00:27:32,998 But I do have one request, and that is that you just give me a chance. 407 00:27:34,803 --> 00:27:36,828 You're a good kid, Jeffrey. 408 00:27:38,039 --> 00:27:40,030 I'd like to be your friend. 409 00:27:43,878 --> 00:27:45,505 You know... 410 00:27:46,648 --> 00:27:49,515 ...only those who risk going too far... 411 00:27:49,684 --> 00:27:54,485 ...can possibly find out how far they can go. 412 00:27:55,490 --> 00:27:56,855 Hmm. 413 00:27:57,826 --> 00:27:59,726 I wrote that. 414 00:28:03,365 --> 00:28:04,662 Mitch, I need your help. 415 00:28:04,833 --> 00:28:07,233 Sorry, Jeffrey. We stopped selling interactive porn. 416 00:28:07,402 --> 00:28:11,736 No. I want you to do some hacking for me. His name is Merton Jacob Rosenbloom... 417 00:28:11,906 --> 00:28:14,898 ...and I want all the dirt you can dig up on him. 418 00:28:16,244 --> 00:28:18,940 -Fifty bucks. -That's ridiculous. 419 00:28:19,114 --> 00:28:20,547 You're ridiculous. 420 00:28:25,820 --> 00:28:30,723 I'll give you 25 dollars and a Warburtons discount card. 421 00:28:42,170 --> 00:28:45,162 Great choice, sir. One of our most popular games. 422 00:28:45,340 --> 00:28:49,140 Good, good. It's a gift for my girlfriend's son. 423 00:28:49,310 --> 00:28:52,211 -Cash or charge? -Charge. 424 00:28:59,220 --> 00:29:00,551 Wai-- 425 00:29:01,322 --> 00:29:03,017 You're Merton J. Rosenbloom? 426 00:29:04,692 --> 00:29:06,182 That's right. Heh. 427 00:29:06,361 --> 00:29:08,295 I might have some information... 428 00:29:08,463 --> 00:29:11,557 ...about your girlfriend's son you want to know. 429 00:29:11,733 --> 00:29:14,133 Really? What--? What is it? 430 00:29:30,552 --> 00:29:33,350 Hey! Hey! 431 00:29:33,521 --> 00:29:35,250 You remember me? 432 00:29:35,423 --> 00:29:37,323 -Remember? -Oh, yeah. 433 00:29:37,492 --> 00:29:39,585 You want a ride? 434 00:29:39,761 --> 00:29:42,025 Yeah, then when I was like 17, my dad was all: 435 00:29:42,197 --> 00:29:44,927 "Get rid of the tattoo or get out of the house." 436 00:29:45,099 --> 00:29:47,932 So like, I've been on my own ever since. 437 00:29:49,471 --> 00:29:51,439 Why don't you have a car? 438 00:29:52,507 --> 00:29:55,738 I have severe carpal tunnel syndrome. 439 00:30:07,655 --> 00:30:10,419 Well, thanks for the ride. 440 00:30:10,592 --> 00:30:14,551 -It was nice of you. -Actually, do you wanna get a beer? 441 00:30:15,864 --> 00:30:17,354 Um.... 442 00:30:17,899 --> 00:30:21,027 My life's very complicated right now. 443 00:30:21,202 --> 00:30:24,399 It's too complicated for a beer? 444 00:30:24,572 --> 00:30:28,099 Look, I appreciate the invitation... 445 00:30:28,276 --> 00:30:31,439 ...but I think you should know I'm seeing someone else. 446 00:30:31,613 --> 00:30:33,046 Her name's Allison. 447 00:30:34,582 --> 00:30:37,608 Whatever, you know. I just.... 448 00:30:37,785 --> 00:30:39,878 Just trying to be nice. 449 00:30:40,088 --> 00:30:43,785 All right. Goodbye. 450 00:30:43,958 --> 00:30:45,983 Bye. 451 00:31:04,212 --> 00:31:06,646 The basement? Have you gone mad? 452 00:31:06,814 --> 00:31:09,044 I wouldn't even survive a night in that dank cave. 453 00:31:09,217 --> 00:31:11,447 You know how sensitive my joints are to moisture. 454 00:31:11,619 --> 00:31:14,952 Now, it's perfectly dry down there, and guess what. Guess what we did. 455 00:31:15,123 --> 00:31:19,219 We put in the old TV and VCR down there so it's gonna be like your own bachelor pad. 456 00:31:19,394 --> 00:31:21,487 Honey? Oh, sweetheart. 457 00:31:21,663 --> 00:31:23,631 -Would you just please go away? -Hey, buddy. 458 00:31:23,798 --> 00:31:25,959 Was this a great idea, or was this a great idea? 459 00:31:26,134 --> 00:31:29,968 I was thinking the other night. You were talking about how you didn't have privacy. 460 00:31:30,138 --> 00:31:31,162 That's when it hit me. 461 00:31:31,339 --> 00:31:34,797 I bet you can't wait to get to that basement and start bringing in those ladies. 462 00:31:34,976 --> 00:31:36,967 -Ha-ha-ha. -Oh, Mert. Oh. 463 00:31:37,879 --> 00:31:40,848 Here, take it. 464 00:31:41,015 --> 00:31:43,210 Take it, go on. 465 00:31:43,851 --> 00:31:48,754 It's just something from me to say thank you for welcoming me to the family. 466 00:31:48,923 --> 00:31:50,481 -So sweet. -Yeah. 467 00:31:50,658 --> 00:31:52,626 Well, open it, silly. 468 00:31:58,099 --> 00:32:00,329 -Oh, looky-look. -But turn the-- 469 00:32:00,501 --> 00:32:01,798 -Can I see that? -Come on. 470 00:32:01,970 --> 00:32:03,369 What is it? What does it say? 471 00:32:03,538 --> 00:32:05,472 Ta-da! Ha-ha-ha. Oh. 472 00:32:05,640 --> 00:32:08,803 You are now officially a member of Team Rosenbloom. 473 00:32:12,246 --> 00:32:14,339 What do you say, Jeffrey? Jeffrey? 474 00:32:14,515 --> 00:32:15,982 Please. 475 00:32:16,884 --> 00:32:19,375 Thank you so much, Mert. 476 00:32:22,223 --> 00:32:24,350 You're welcome, buddy. 477 00:32:25,026 --> 00:32:26,357 -Whoo! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. 478 00:32:26,527 --> 00:32:28,392 Scared you. Ha-ha-ha. 479 00:32:28,563 --> 00:32:29,996 Oh. 480 00:32:30,365 --> 00:32:33,528 I gotta tell you, I got nothing on your boy. Diddlysquat. 481 00:32:33,701 --> 00:32:35,635 What? That's impossible. 482 00:32:35,803 --> 00:32:37,464 The Internet doesn't lie, bro. 483 00:32:37,639 --> 00:32:41,541 He's totally clean. Never been arrested, no funny diseases, nothing. 484 00:32:43,177 --> 00:32:44,644 That's ridiculous. 485 00:32:45,780 --> 00:32:49,716 What do you think is more deviant? Bondage or bestiality? 486 00:32:49,884 --> 00:32:51,909 No, I don't know, dude. 487 00:32:52,086 --> 00:32:53,553 I haven't seen a boob in three years. 488 00:32:54,922 --> 00:32:56,048 It was at the pool. 489 00:32:56,224 --> 00:32:57,851 Wait. Shh. Hold on. 490 00:32:58,493 --> 00:33:02,361 She got out of the pool and it just flopped out. 491 00:33:15,009 --> 00:33:16,135 Oh, Mert. Oh! 492 00:33:16,310 --> 00:33:19,177 I'm having my way with you. -No, they're headed for the bedroom. 493 00:33:20,982 --> 00:33:23,746 Dude, what's going on? Who's headed for the bedroom? 494 00:33:23,918 --> 00:33:26,819 -Oh, Mert. Oh, Mert. Oh, honey. -Oh! Oh! 495 00:33:26,988 --> 00:33:30,253 Your thighs are like a bear trap. -Ugh! 496 00:33:30,425 --> 00:33:32,416 Oh.... Oh! 497 00:33:33,895 --> 00:33:35,692 And everything's sponsored 498 00:33:35,863 --> 00:33:37,888 By huge corporations 499 00:33:38,232 --> 00:33:42,896 What will be next? A Del Taco space station 500 00:33:44,605 --> 00:33:48,666 This corporate culture Just sucks out our brains 501 00:33:48,843 --> 00:33:54,076 While the corporate vultures Eat our remains 502 00:33:55,383 --> 00:33:59,615 From Wolfgang Pucks to Family Feud 503 00:33:59,787 --> 00:34:04,190 It all sucks and we're all screwed 504 00:34:04,358 --> 00:34:08,317 There's no way to escape 505 00:34:08,663 --> 00:34:14,295 From the corporate rape 506 00:34:14,469 --> 00:34:19,372 And this world that we're living in Is headed for oblivion 507 00:34:19,540 --> 00:34:23,636 If you don't stop buying crap At Staples and Baby Gap 508 00:34:23,811 --> 00:34:29,340 I'm an old-fashioned girl And I'm stuck in a corporate world 509 00:34:29,717 --> 00:34:33,881 Hey, what can I say I'm an old-fashioned girl 510 00:34:34,055 --> 00:34:38,492 That says screw this whole corporate world 511 00:34:40,394 --> 00:34:41,418 Yeah 512 00:34:44,398 --> 00:34:47,993 -Whoo! -Thank you, Skyler. 513 00:34:49,303 --> 00:34:51,828 -Well done. -What are you doing here? 514 00:34:53,508 --> 00:34:54,770 Where's Allison? 515 00:34:54,942 --> 00:34:58,002 Actually, Allison and I just broke up. 516 00:34:58,179 --> 00:35:01,376 Long distance relationships are impossible to maintain. 517 00:35:01,549 --> 00:35:03,517 I hear that. 518 00:35:03,684 --> 00:35:05,675 I guess I'll see you around. 519 00:35:05,853 --> 00:35:07,343 Wait a minute. 520 00:35:07,522 --> 00:35:10,685 I want to apologize for being so brusque earlier. 521 00:35:11,526 --> 00:35:13,084 Whatever. 522 00:35:13,294 --> 00:35:15,387 Uh-- Wait. 523 00:35:15,563 --> 00:35:19,795 I want to make amends. Let me buy you a cup of coffee or something. 524 00:35:21,736 --> 00:35:24,364 It's been a really long night, I don't think so. 525 00:35:24,539 --> 00:35:26,700 You would be doing me a colossal favor. 526 00:35:26,874 --> 00:35:29,240 See, I can't go home right now... 527 00:35:29,410 --> 00:35:32,573 ...because my mother is having violent sex with her new lover. 528 00:35:34,582 --> 00:35:37,881 -Okay. One cup of coffee. -Waitress! 529 00:35:38,052 --> 00:35:40,577 No! God, no, not here, the coffee sucks. 530 00:35:43,925 --> 00:35:47,554 So, I used to date this guy, Trip. He was the last guy I dated. 531 00:35:47,728 --> 00:35:50,424 And he had this band called the Taco Shits. 532 00:35:50,598 --> 00:35:54,625 And he wrote all, like, these really poetic, beautiful songs. 533 00:35:54,802 --> 00:35:57,828 And then I found out that he stole them all off the Internet. 534 00:35:58,005 --> 00:36:00,030 And I was like, "Oh, that's so lame." 535 00:36:00,208 --> 00:36:04,008 And that's why I hate this city, you know? Because it's all a bunch of posers. 536 00:36:04,178 --> 00:36:06,772 And I just feel like as soon as I get enough money... 537 00:36:06,948 --> 00:36:09,849 ...I am gonna get out of here because I can't stand it anymore. 538 00:36:10,017 --> 00:36:12,485 -Do you wanna sit here? This good? -Oh, sure. 539 00:36:12,653 --> 00:36:14,951 Well, where are you gonna go? 540 00:36:15,122 --> 00:36:17,750 I think I'm gonna go to Austin, Texas. 541 00:36:17,959 --> 00:36:19,119 I wanna check it out. 542 00:36:19,293 --> 00:36:22,160 It's got this really, really cool indie music scene there. 543 00:36:22,563 --> 00:36:24,531 Have you been there? 544 00:36:25,466 --> 00:36:29,903 Actually, I did go there one summer, for an astronomy conference... 545 00:36:30,071 --> 00:36:33,040 ...but I usually try to avoid trips like that whenever possible. 546 00:36:33,574 --> 00:36:36,509 Why? You don't really like to travel? 547 00:36:36,711 --> 00:36:40,511 Unfortunately, my mother's ill and needs my constant attention. 548 00:36:40,681 --> 00:36:45,015 Oh. That's really, really cool that you take care of her. 549 00:36:45,186 --> 00:36:48,178 Yeah. It's my cross to bear. 550 00:36:48,356 --> 00:36:50,916 Well, that really sucks that you have to live at home. 551 00:36:51,092 --> 00:36:55,961 Well, at least it affords me the financial freedom to pursue my life's work. 552 00:36:56,130 --> 00:36:59,827 For the last seven years, I've been tracking what I believe to be... 553 00:37:00,001 --> 00:37:03,835 ...a long-period comet which emanates from the Oort cloud. 554 00:37:04,338 --> 00:37:06,329 That's cool. 555 00:37:06,707 --> 00:37:08,004 Oort. 556 00:37:10,578 --> 00:37:12,239 What's up, Nora? 557 00:37:12,413 --> 00:37:14,472 What do you want, Trip? 558 00:37:14,649 --> 00:37:18,676 -I'd like a tall latte, extra hot. -Heh-heh-heh. 559 00:37:18,853 --> 00:37:21,344 -That's a good one, Trip. -Ha-ha-ha. 560 00:37:21,522 --> 00:37:23,922 Yes, Trip. Very clever. 561 00:37:25,293 --> 00:37:28,285 I've seen you before. You work at that bookstore, right? 562 00:37:28,462 --> 00:37:30,225 Yes, I do. 563 00:37:30,398 --> 00:37:33,492 Well, that's messed up, bro. That place is, like, old... 564 00:37:33,668 --> 00:37:35,397 ...and shit. 565 00:37:35,569 --> 00:37:38,504 Wow, you have a real gift for language. 566 00:37:38,673 --> 00:37:41,767 I'm shocked you had to pilfer your lyrics off the Internet. 567 00:37:44,845 --> 00:37:48,110 -Screw you, dude. -Jeffrey. Come on, let's get out of here. 568 00:37:51,018 --> 00:37:53,486 -You was a ho, anyway. Oh! Ooh! 569 00:37:53,654 --> 00:37:55,519 It doesn't matter. 570 00:37:56,757 --> 00:37:57,951 What did you call her? 571 00:37:58,326 --> 00:38:00,590 I called her a bizznatch. 572 00:38:03,297 --> 00:38:04,662 Aah! 573 00:38:05,433 --> 00:38:07,833 -Oh! -Ah! Trip! 574 00:38:08,002 --> 00:38:09,663 -Oh, oh. Are you okay? 575 00:38:10,705 --> 00:38:12,138 I'm hemorrhaging. 576 00:38:12,940 --> 00:38:14,805 You haven't heard the last of me! 577 00:38:14,976 --> 00:38:17,467 I'll sue you, you monster! 578 00:38:17,645 --> 00:38:20,443 Hurry. Get a napkin, stat. 579 00:38:20,614 --> 00:38:22,912 I think I may be a hemophiliac. 580 00:38:24,118 --> 00:38:26,552 So is your nose okay? 581 00:38:26,721 --> 00:38:30,020 I think that barbarian broke it. 582 00:38:30,191 --> 00:38:32,625 Hey, cool. Whose hybrid? 583 00:38:32,793 --> 00:38:35,853 That's my mother's beau du jour. 584 00:38:36,030 --> 00:38:38,794 This is Mert again. -Speak of the devil. 585 00:38:39,667 --> 00:38:41,760 So call me, please. 586 00:38:41,936 --> 00:38:44,734 Don't look at him, you'll turn to stone. 587 00:38:44,905 --> 00:38:46,998 -Hey there. Oh! -Hi. 588 00:38:47,174 --> 00:38:49,074 What happened to your nose, Jeffrey? Heh-heh-heh. 589 00:38:49,243 --> 00:38:51,370 Life happened to my nose, Mert. 590 00:38:51,545 --> 00:38:53,775 What are you guys doing out at this hour anyway? 591 00:38:53,948 --> 00:38:55,916 Isn't it a little past your beddy-bye time? 592 00:38:57,251 --> 00:38:59,685 Gee, it's hard to imagine why I'd wanna leave... 593 00:38:59,854 --> 00:39:02,345 ...all the luxury and comfort of my dungeon. 594 00:39:02,523 --> 00:39:04,423 What are you doing outside on the phone? 595 00:39:04,592 --> 00:39:07,425 -Hi, I'm Mert. -Hey, I'm Nora. 596 00:39:07,595 --> 00:39:08,755 What do you do, Nora? 597 00:39:08,929 --> 00:39:12,057 -Well, I work in a coffeehouse-- -Nora is an aspiring iconoclast. 598 00:39:12,233 --> 00:39:14,667 -And she was just leaving. -Hey. 599 00:39:14,835 --> 00:39:18,271 Would you like to join us Saturday? We're having a family picnic. 600 00:39:18,439 --> 00:39:20,202 -No, we're not. -Actually, we are. 601 00:39:20,374 --> 00:39:23,935 I decided to do something special for your mother's half-birthday. 602 00:39:24,111 --> 00:39:26,079 You must've forgotten. 603 00:39:26,247 --> 00:39:30,741 I am far too busy to keep track of fractions of people's birthdays. 604 00:39:30,918 --> 00:39:34,012 And anyway, I'm sure Nora doesn't have the time nor the desire... 605 00:39:34,188 --> 00:39:37,157 ...to subject herself to that kind of horror. 606 00:39:38,292 --> 00:39:41,750 Well, actually, I'd really like to go. 607 00:39:42,730 --> 00:39:44,163 See? 608 00:39:46,233 --> 00:39:47,996 All right. 609 00:39:48,803 --> 00:39:50,998 What are you guys gonna do now? 610 00:39:53,274 --> 00:39:54,866 I don't know. 611 00:40:00,548 --> 00:40:03,176 You must be Nora. I'm Jan. 612 00:40:03,350 --> 00:40:04,647 -Hi. -Hi. 613 00:40:04,819 --> 00:40:05,843 Nice to meet you. 614 00:40:06,020 --> 00:40:09,285 Oh, God, you have no idea how happy I am to meet you. 615 00:40:09,457 --> 00:40:12,255 Words cannot express it. Ooh. 616 00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:14,987 -Welcome. -Thank you. 617 00:40:15,162 --> 00:40:19,326 Oh, my goodness, look at you. All right now, listen, Mert is out back on grill duty. 618 00:40:19,500 --> 00:40:22,697 Jeffrey's getting dressed. Jeffrey! Jeffrey! 619 00:40:37,451 --> 00:40:40,420 That's Jeffrey. Look at him. Little fat butterball. 620 00:40:40,588 --> 00:40:43,352 You could just eat that little face right up, couldn't you? 621 00:40:43,524 --> 00:40:45,754 He was really big. 622 00:40:45,926 --> 00:40:48,190 Oh, he was huge. 623 00:40:48,362 --> 00:40:50,057 Yeah, I mean, he was a month late. 624 00:40:50,231 --> 00:40:54,031 And so, eventually they had to induce labor and it was kind of a battle. 625 00:40:54,201 --> 00:40:58,638 The doctor had to use forceps, and it was kind of like a tug-of-war, you know? 626 00:40:58,806 --> 00:41:02,640 Because every time they'd get Jeffrey's head out, he'd pop right back inside of me. 627 00:41:02,810 --> 00:41:04,710 This went on for just hours and hours... 628 00:41:04,879 --> 00:41:08,315 ...and finally, they had to inject a mild tranquilizer into his skull... 629 00:41:08,482 --> 00:41:12,646 ...and then he kind of slid right out after that and.... 630 00:41:19,326 --> 00:41:22,887 Jeffrey, honey. Nora's here! 631 00:41:27,902 --> 00:41:30,200 That's John. That's Jeffrey's dad. 632 00:41:30,371 --> 00:41:32,236 He was in the Rotary club. 633 00:41:32,406 --> 00:41:33,668 Anyway. 634 00:41:35,743 --> 00:41:37,608 Oh-- See this? 635 00:41:37,778 --> 00:41:41,077 Jeffrey is 12 years old, and that's right after he got back from Austin. 636 00:41:41,248 --> 00:41:44,274 He went to an astronomy convention when he was 12? 637 00:41:44,451 --> 00:41:47,284 No. He went to a fat farm. 638 00:41:47,621 --> 00:41:50,419 Who's ready for a picnic? 639 00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:55,560 -These ribs are delicious. -Mmm. 640 00:41:55,729 --> 00:41:57,060 Thank you, Nora. 641 00:41:57,231 --> 00:41:59,563 -Mert is a magician with meat. -Oh. 642 00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:02,127 -Ha-ha. -Oh. 643 00:42:02,703 --> 00:42:04,364 Do you have any more barbecue sauce? 644 00:42:04,538 --> 00:42:07,132 -Oh, yes, of course we do. -In the.... 645 00:42:10,044 --> 00:42:12,444 -Did you bring this, Mert? -No. 646 00:42:12,613 --> 00:42:14,342 It's addressed to you. 647 00:42:15,449 --> 00:42:18,782 Why don't you open it, Mert? I always enjoy a good read after lunch. 648 00:42:18,953 --> 00:42:20,113 Sure, open it. 649 00:42:22,856 --> 00:42:23,845 All right. 650 00:42:29,330 --> 00:42:30,763 Oh. 651 00:42:30,998 --> 00:42:33,159 What is frontierism? 652 00:42:33,867 --> 00:42:36,665 Actually, I think it's pronounced frotteurism. 653 00:42:36,837 --> 00:42:40,705 It's a deviant sexual behavior in which the frotteur becomes sexually aroused... 654 00:42:40,874 --> 00:42:44,537 ...by rubbing his genitals against others in public places. 655 00:42:44,712 --> 00:42:47,579 -Oh. -I read about it on the Internet. 656 00:42:47,748 --> 00:42:51,013 Do you subscribe to that magazine, Mert? 657 00:42:54,655 --> 00:42:56,885 Actually, I do. 658 00:42:57,091 --> 00:43:00,083 I have a client who is a frotteur. 659 00:43:00,261 --> 00:43:02,695 He's having a difficult time overcoming his problem... 660 00:43:02,863 --> 00:43:06,959 ...and I thought if I could understand what it was like to be a frotteur... 661 00:43:07,134 --> 00:43:08,931 -...l'd be better prepared to help him. -Oh. 662 00:43:10,304 --> 00:43:11,669 I mean, he is.... 663 00:43:14,375 --> 00:43:16,969 He is such a good kid, darn it. Tsk. 664 00:43:17,144 --> 00:43:20,841 I just wanna help him get past this, you know? Live up to his full potential. 665 00:43:21,015 --> 00:43:22,141 That's really cool. 666 00:43:22,316 --> 00:43:24,045 Thrilling is what it is. Well.... 667 00:43:24,518 --> 00:43:25,746 Moving. 668 00:43:26,987 --> 00:43:29,251 So, Nora. 669 00:43:29,890 --> 00:43:32,154 Did you study music in college? 670 00:43:32,326 --> 00:43:35,784 -I took a couple of guitar lessons. -Mm! 671 00:43:35,963 --> 00:43:40,400 Jeffrey was accepted to the Lunar Space Institute in Austin. 672 00:43:41,702 --> 00:43:43,465 Really? 673 00:43:43,637 --> 00:43:45,161 How was that? 674 00:43:45,339 --> 00:43:49,173 -Jeffrey didn't exactly finish. -I cut my college experience short... 675 00:43:49,343 --> 00:43:52,710 ...to save my mother the trauma of empty nest syndrome, Mert. 676 00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:54,040 Cut it short, Jeffrey? 677 00:43:54,214 --> 00:43:56,876 No, no. Remember? You showed me your dorm room... 678 00:43:57,051 --> 00:43:58,780 ...and you made me take you home. 679 00:43:58,952 --> 00:44:02,353 It was like a prison cell. And did you see who would've been my roommate? 680 00:44:02,523 --> 00:44:04,616 All covered in tattoos and piercings. 681 00:44:04,792 --> 00:44:08,626 I'm sure he and his friends would've gotten intoxicated one night and sodomized me. 682 00:44:08,796 --> 00:44:09,956 Jeffrey. 683 00:44:10,130 --> 00:44:13,327 Sometimes we confuse our fears with our fantasies, Jeffrey. 684 00:44:14,768 --> 00:44:16,998 I myself loved college. 685 00:44:17,171 --> 00:44:21,107 Getting away from my parents, being on my own in Berkeley. 686 00:44:21,275 --> 00:44:23,334 I mean, it was a very exciting time. 687 00:44:23,510 --> 00:44:24,807 Mm. Heh. 688 00:44:24,978 --> 00:44:28,243 Berkeley in the '60s? Must have been very exciting. 689 00:44:28,415 --> 00:44:31,612 All you hippies shooting up acid and snorting LSD. 690 00:44:31,785 --> 00:44:36,722 I mean, I might have smoked a little pot, but who hasn't, you know? 691 00:44:36,890 --> 00:44:39,154 I haven't. 692 00:44:39,326 --> 00:44:42,921 Neither have I. Because drugs are wrong. 693 00:44:43,097 --> 00:44:45,224 I tend to agree. 694 00:44:45,966 --> 00:44:48,560 Well, that was a long time ago. 695 00:44:50,337 --> 00:44:54,068 Nora? Do you make a living as a singer? 696 00:44:54,241 --> 00:44:56,209 Well, that's the dream. 697 00:44:56,377 --> 00:44:57,605 What's holding you back? 698 00:44:57,778 --> 00:45:01,214 I'm just trying to save up enough money so I can record a demo. 699 00:45:01,382 --> 00:45:03,373 But I can't afford it right now. 700 00:45:03,550 --> 00:45:06,485 I'm-- I'm sorry, what did--? What did you say? 701 00:45:07,521 --> 00:45:09,011 I said I can't afford it. 702 00:45:09,189 --> 00:45:11,521 No, see, I still don't understand you... 703 00:45:11,692 --> 00:45:14,388 ...because the word "can't" isn't in my vocabulary. 704 00:45:15,062 --> 00:45:18,793 You see, Nora, I believe that if you really want something in life... 705 00:45:18,966 --> 00:45:21,901 ...you gotta go after it. You can't let anything hold you back. 706 00:45:22,636 --> 00:45:24,763 -You just said "can't." Uh-uh-- Mm. 707 00:45:24,938 --> 00:45:27,202 Jeffrey, please, just be quiet. 708 00:45:27,374 --> 00:45:30,434 I don't get it. I mean, how am I supposed to record a demo... 709 00:45:30,611 --> 00:45:32,579 ...if I don't have the money to pay for it? 710 00:45:32,746 --> 00:45:37,376 The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. 711 00:45:39,787 --> 00:45:41,379 Lightning bolt. Lightning bolt. 712 00:45:41,555 --> 00:45:44,319 Lightning bolt. Lightning bolt. Lightning bolt. 713 00:45:44,491 --> 00:45:46,925 Have pity, Gallantar, I'm but a simple Mage. 714 00:45:47,094 --> 00:45:50,120 -Silver. Silver. Silver. -Stop, I'm dead, Gallantar! 715 00:45:50,297 --> 00:45:54,165 -Enchanted. Enchanted. -Stop, Gallantar! Time freeze! Ow! 716 00:45:54,334 --> 00:45:55,631 Get off me. Get off. 717 00:45:55,803 --> 00:45:58,203 He called time freeze, Gallantar. That means stop! 718 00:45:58,372 --> 00:46:02,206 I'm the game master, Rathkon. I get to call the shots around here. 719 00:46:03,744 --> 00:46:05,109 You hit me in the forehead. 720 00:46:05,279 --> 00:46:08,715 I have a deposition tomorrow and I'm gonna look ridiculous. 721 00:46:10,951 --> 00:46:12,646 What's wrong with you, Gallantar? 722 00:46:12,820 --> 00:46:15,311 Sorry, Alhorn, my old friend. 723 00:46:15,923 --> 00:46:18,391 I've brought my troubles from home to the battlefield. 724 00:46:18,959 --> 00:46:20,119 The boyfriend? 725 00:46:23,130 --> 00:46:26,065 You must confront this enemy head on, Gallantar. 726 00:46:27,034 --> 00:46:31,198 For your own sake, and for the sake of the Land of Erdreja! 727 00:46:37,144 --> 00:46:38,668 Ahh. 728 00:46:39,346 --> 00:46:40,973 How do you like thine grog? 729 00:46:41,448 --> 00:46:44,042 It's not grog. This is apple juice. 730 00:46:44,218 --> 00:46:48,712 Well, yeah, I mean, my parents locked the liquor cabinet, so I.... 731 00:46:48,889 --> 00:46:50,686 It's got a lot of sugar in it, though, so.... 732 00:46:56,730 --> 00:46:58,630 How may I help you elves? 733 00:46:58,799 --> 00:47:00,232 I'm looking for Mert Rosenbloom. 734 00:47:00,400 --> 00:47:03,699 Why, are you trying to steal the magic orbs? 735 00:47:10,277 --> 00:47:11,403 I'll call you back. 736 00:47:13,046 --> 00:47:14,513 Wrong cord. 737 00:47:15,516 --> 00:47:17,984 -What's up, Lancelot? -Your time in my life is up. 738 00:47:18,151 --> 00:47:20,642 My mother's not big enough for the two of us. 739 00:47:20,821 --> 00:47:23,346 I'm sorry, Ace. I love her, and I'm not leaving. 740 00:47:23,524 --> 00:47:25,719 Well, I'm not leaving either. 741 00:47:25,893 --> 00:47:29,294 You know, Jeffrey, it doesn't have to be this way. 742 00:47:29,463 --> 00:47:31,226 I hereby throw down this gauntlet. 743 00:47:34,501 --> 00:47:36,025 That sounds like glass. 744 00:47:36,203 --> 00:47:37,636 You're gonna pay for that. 745 00:47:39,172 --> 00:47:40,469 War is hell, old man. 746 00:47:40,641 --> 00:47:42,973 Yes, it is. 747 00:47:44,011 --> 00:47:45,945 And you're going down. 748 00:47:46,113 --> 00:47:47,603 That's a promise, son. 749 00:47:50,450 --> 00:47:52,281 See you on the battlefield. 750 00:48:02,529 --> 00:48:04,588 Don't call me son. 751 00:48:04,765 --> 00:48:07,131 So then I just went out and got my tubes tied. 752 00:48:07,301 --> 00:48:10,031 Oh. You wanna go to Comic-Con? 753 00:48:10,203 --> 00:48:14,401 It's important to always create a kind of positive atmosphere in the work home. 754 00:48:14,575 --> 00:48:16,509 And when I say "work home," I mean... 755 00:48:16,677 --> 00:48:19,612 ...a place where you can have a warm, kind of comfortable... 756 00:48:19,780 --> 00:48:21,771 ...relaxing, kind of.... 757 00:48:21,949 --> 00:48:23,814 You know, an environment where people... 758 00:48:23,984 --> 00:48:26,953 ...really enjoy what they're doing, and it's-- 759 00:48:28,555 --> 00:48:30,489 It's the kind of.... 760 00:48:31,658 --> 00:48:34,855 It's the kind of thing that doesn't have-- 761 00:48:35,028 --> 00:48:36,655 Goddamn it! 762 00:48:52,012 --> 00:48:53,445 Oh! 763 00:49:15,268 --> 00:49:16,599 Oh! 764 00:50:05,485 --> 00:50:06,884 Oh. 765 00:50:15,562 --> 00:50:17,325 Mert? 766 00:50:17,731 --> 00:50:18,959 Uh-huh? 767 00:50:19,132 --> 00:50:21,066 What is this? 768 00:50:22,636 --> 00:50:25,002 It looks like a bong. 769 00:50:26,039 --> 00:50:28,064 Hmm. With some pot. 770 00:50:28,241 --> 00:50:32,109 That's what I thought, but you said you don't do drugs anymore. 771 00:50:32,279 --> 00:50:35,646 -I don't. -Well, then where'd this come from? 772 00:50:43,323 --> 00:50:47,987 Actually, the truth is... 773 00:50:49,129 --> 00:50:52,462 ...I do smoke a little pot, once in a while. 774 00:50:52,666 --> 00:50:57,365 -Oh. -Jan? It's not that, you know.... 775 00:50:58,138 --> 00:51:00,504 Honesty is very important to me, Mert. 776 00:51:05,512 --> 00:51:07,377 Mother fucking hell. 777 00:51:14,187 --> 00:51:16,280 Hello? Anyone home? 778 00:51:18,759 --> 00:51:20,192 Tsk. Oh.... 779 00:51:23,497 --> 00:51:25,192 Hey, hey. 780 00:51:25,365 --> 00:51:27,230 Are you okay? 781 00:51:27,968 --> 00:51:29,959 What's the matter? 782 00:51:31,304 --> 00:51:34,034 Is it about Mert? 783 00:51:36,109 --> 00:51:41,513 Did you discover something about him that you didn't know before? 784 00:51:41,681 --> 00:51:47,017 Well, I discovered that Mert smokes pot because he has glaucoma... 785 00:51:47,187 --> 00:51:49,985 ...but that's not actually it. 786 00:51:50,957 --> 00:51:54,051 Wait, then why are you crying? 787 00:51:55,662 --> 00:52:00,827 I'm crying because Mert and I are gonna get married. Look. Ha-ha. 788 00:52:02,836 --> 00:52:05,498 Grab a glass. Let's celebrate, huh? 789 00:52:05,672 --> 00:52:08,402 You're gonna be a Rosenbloom. 790 00:52:08,575 --> 00:52:11,339 -Come on, baby, let's dance. -Oh, Mert, no, I'm too embarrassed. 791 00:52:12,746 --> 00:52:16,238 -Oh, no. Come on, come on, come on. -Ah, sweetie, oh, please. Oh, Mert. 792 00:52:16,449 --> 00:52:18,474 Oh, ha-ha-ha. Mm. 793 00:52:18,652 --> 00:52:20,882 Oh, you're so snappy, pappy. 794 00:52:21,922 --> 00:52:23,890 Ooh. How's that? 795 00:52:24,057 --> 00:52:25,684 I feel like I'm on a subway. 796 00:52:27,260 --> 00:52:29,194 Mert, what do you say? Ha-ha-ha. 797 00:52:32,165 --> 00:52:34,895 We got one other piece of good news. 798 00:52:35,936 --> 00:52:36,925 Jeffrey, dear? 799 00:52:37,103 --> 00:52:39,037 I can't believe you're selling the house. 800 00:52:39,206 --> 00:52:41,231 Look, we feel it's in everyone's best interest. 801 00:52:41,408 --> 00:52:44,969 This is our home. I spent my formative years here. 802 00:52:45,145 --> 00:52:47,670 No, of course it's your home, naturally... 803 00:52:47,848 --> 00:52:50,043 ...but Mert and I are starting a new life... 804 00:52:50,217 --> 00:52:53,243 ...and we want our own home so that we can make new memories. 805 00:52:53,420 --> 00:52:55,388 New memories. Brand-new memories, Jeffrey. 806 00:52:55,555 --> 00:52:57,921 Well, I hate to rain on your parade... 807 00:52:58,091 --> 00:53:01,288 ...but I refuse to give my consent on the sale of this house. 808 00:53:01,461 --> 00:53:04,862 Well, I don't need your consent because the house is in my name. 809 00:53:06,433 --> 00:53:11,268 Okay. Fine. Let's assume for a moment that's true. 810 00:53:11,438 --> 00:53:14,601 What about me? Where do I fit into this new house equation? 811 00:53:14,774 --> 00:53:18,471 Well, we're looking at smaller places. 812 00:53:18,645 --> 00:53:21,136 Yeah, condos and whatnot. So.... 813 00:53:21,314 --> 00:53:25,944 Yeah. No, but you can come and sleep in the hideaway bed whenever you come for... 814 00:53:26,119 --> 00:53:28,383 -...like, a little visit. -Yeah, but, little. 815 00:53:28,555 --> 00:53:29,579 Visit? 816 00:53:29,756 --> 00:53:33,419 Don't worry, sweetie. I would be so happy to subsidize you for a year... 817 00:53:33,593 --> 00:53:36,187 ...two years, or three years, or something like four-- 818 00:53:36,363 --> 00:53:37,557 Or six months. 819 00:53:37,731 --> 00:53:42,134 Six months. As long as it takes for you to learn how to pay for things. 820 00:53:42,302 --> 00:53:45,499 Fine. You two obviously don't want me here anymore... 821 00:53:45,672 --> 00:53:47,970 ...so maybe I'll just get out of your hair tonight. 822 00:53:48,141 --> 00:53:50,234 Jeffrey, no. 823 00:53:50,410 --> 00:53:51,843 Yeah. 824 00:53:52,012 --> 00:53:53,775 Mert. 825 00:54:04,791 --> 00:54:05,815 Hey. 826 00:54:05,992 --> 00:54:09,428 Thank goodness you're home. I'm in desperate need of a Yoo-hoo. 827 00:54:09,596 --> 00:54:13,828 I have this nasty infestation of vermin at my house which I can't seem to exterminate... 828 00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:16,161 ...and it's causing my gastritis to flare up. 829 00:54:16,336 --> 00:54:18,702 Yoo-hoo's the only beverage that seems to soothe it. 830 00:54:18,872 --> 00:54:20,464 How do you know where I live? 831 00:54:20,640 --> 00:54:24,201 I bribed one of your associates with a discount card. 832 00:54:25,011 --> 00:54:28,071 Well, unfortunately, I'm fresh out of Yoo-hoo. 833 00:54:37,590 --> 00:54:40,150 I see you still listen to Morrissey. 834 00:54:40,327 --> 00:54:43,160 Yeah, well, a lot of his new stuff's really good. 835 00:54:43,330 --> 00:54:45,457 Really? I wouldn't know. 836 00:54:45,632 --> 00:54:49,227 He's been dead to me since 1987 when The Smiths broke up. 837 00:54:49,402 --> 00:54:54,931 How old were you? Like, 10? You should really give him another shot. 838 00:55:21,901 --> 00:55:24,699 So, what do you think? 839 00:55:24,871 --> 00:55:27,772 It's not atrocious. 840 00:55:28,908 --> 00:55:31,376 I think you're better. 841 00:55:34,247 --> 00:55:36,238 Thanks. 842 00:55:47,627 --> 00:55:49,458 Do you want some? 843 00:55:50,463 --> 00:55:52,363 Marijuana?! 844 00:55:52,532 --> 00:55:55,933 I'm sorry, I say no to drugs and so should you. 845 00:55:57,537 --> 00:55:59,437 -Are you joking? -No. 846 00:55:59,606 --> 00:56:05,203 Not only is it illegal, I'm sure it contains any number of unknown toxic substances. 847 00:56:06,012 --> 00:56:10,813 But go ahead and "trip out" or whatever it is you hippies do. 848 00:56:10,984 --> 00:56:15,546 I'll just sit here and monitor you for safety purposes. 849 00:56:16,389 --> 00:56:19,187 Well, it's a good thing you're here. 850 00:56:26,733 --> 00:56:29,201 You're kind of a freak. 851 00:56:30,103 --> 00:56:32,128 Thank you. 852 00:56:35,842 --> 00:56:37,707 Mooo. 853 00:56:46,286 --> 00:56:51,417 Maya, it's Mert again. I was really hoping that we could talk. 854 00:56:51,591 --> 00:56:55,721 Listen, I'm not sure why you sent my letter back, but.... 855 00:56:58,465 --> 00:57:01,923 I wanna see you, that's all. All right, I just-- I wanna see you. 856 00:57:02,102 --> 00:57:05,765 So, call me, please. I love you. 857 00:57:44,878 --> 00:57:49,338 Seymour, I need a six-week advance on my salary so I can purchase a plane ticket. 858 00:57:49,516 --> 00:57:51,347 I'm letting you go, Jeffrey. 859 00:57:51,518 --> 00:57:53,713 -What? -I'm sorry. 860 00:57:53,887 --> 00:57:56,378 You can't fire me. I'm irreplaceable. 861 00:57:56,556 --> 00:57:58,786 I'm replacing you with Keith. 862 00:57:58,958 --> 00:58:01,791 Don't do this to me, all right? I love this old bookstore. 863 00:58:01,961 --> 00:58:04,054 Here's your severance check. 864 00:58:05,198 --> 00:58:06,825 I gave you my youth, Seymour. 865 00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:11,528 -If you need a reference, I'd be happy to-- -Burn in hell, old man! 866 00:58:15,575 --> 00:58:19,341 'Cause I believe that freedom's 867 00:58:19,512 --> 00:58:22,845 A right that we all share 868 00:58:23,016 --> 00:58:26,508 But I believe that advertising's 869 00:58:26,686 --> 00:58:29,814 Messing up our air 870 00:58:30,557 --> 00:58:36,985 And when I see a Nike swoosh On a baseball player's mitt 871 00:58:37,163 --> 00:58:39,597 Hah It makes me bawl 872 00:58:39,766 --> 00:58:42,166 'Cause the world is all 873 00:58:42,335 --> 00:58:44,360 Bed, Bath and Bullshit 874 00:58:44,537 --> 00:58:46,971 Nora? Nora? 875 00:58:47,140 --> 00:58:49,040 I need you to drive me to Arizona. 876 00:58:49,209 --> 00:58:52,269 What are you doing here? You just ruined a great take. 877 00:58:52,445 --> 00:58:55,278 Do you have any idea how hard it is to record a good demo? 878 00:58:57,650 --> 00:58:58,810 What is this? 879 00:58:58,985 --> 00:59:01,510 Proof that Mert is cheating on my mother. 880 00:59:02,555 --> 00:59:04,819 Go ahead, take a gander. 881 00:59:05,925 --> 00:59:08,792 I don't know. I just.... 882 00:59:08,962 --> 00:59:10,827 Mert doesn't really seem like the cheating type. 883 00:59:12,398 --> 00:59:14,832 -They never do. -So, what do you need me for, anyway? 884 00:59:15,001 --> 00:59:16,901 Why don't you just show those emails to your mom? 885 00:59:17,070 --> 00:59:20,164 Uh-uh. Too circumstantial. We need definitive evidence. 886 00:59:20,340 --> 00:59:22,831 Nothing must be left to chance. Now, come on, let's go. 887 00:59:23,009 --> 00:59:25,705 Jeffrey! I'm in the middle of recording my demo. 888 00:59:25,878 --> 00:59:28,540 Nora, time is not our friend at the moment. 889 00:59:28,715 --> 00:59:32,481 My mother's gonna marry that philanderer if we don't do something right now. 890 00:59:35,955 --> 00:59:37,445 Please. 891 00:59:37,624 --> 00:59:40,559 I'm just trying to do what's best for my mother. 892 00:59:40,727 --> 00:59:43,423 I could really use your help. 893 00:59:44,430 --> 00:59:46,762 Arizona? 894 01:00:06,953 --> 01:00:09,751 Hey. Hey. 895 01:00:11,724 --> 01:00:13,157 I'm gonna stop, okay? 896 01:00:13,326 --> 01:00:15,692 Stop where? 897 01:00:15,862 --> 01:00:18,524 I don't know. I was thinking we could camp out tonight. 898 01:00:18,698 --> 01:00:20,165 You know, under the stars. 899 01:00:20,333 --> 01:00:22,358 I've got a couple sleeping bags in the back. 900 01:00:22,535 --> 01:00:23,661 Camp out? 901 01:00:23,836 --> 01:00:26,964 I don't wanna be raped by some sex-crazed trucker. 902 01:00:30,810 --> 01:00:35,304 Come on. Why don't you drive? For real. 903 01:00:46,626 --> 01:00:48,116 I know about fat camp. 904 01:00:49,762 --> 01:00:51,286 It's okay. 905 01:00:51,464 --> 01:00:55,457 I was a chunky kid too. Believe me, I know exactly what you went through. 906 01:00:55,635 --> 01:00:57,626 It's awful. 907 01:01:00,907 --> 01:01:02,807 Just be honest with me. 908 01:01:10,116 --> 01:01:16,214 I'm afraid to drive because my father was killed in a car accident. 909 01:01:16,389 --> 01:01:18,050 Okay? 910 01:01:20,993 --> 01:01:22,927 I'm sorry. 911 01:01:40,446 --> 01:01:42,641 -This is pretty great, huh? -Oh, yeah. 912 01:01:42,815 --> 01:01:45,181 If you consider great having a sciatica flare-up... 913 01:01:45,351 --> 01:01:47,512 ...while being eaten alive by mosquitoes. 914 01:01:47,687 --> 01:01:50,019 Don't be such a baby. 915 01:01:51,290 --> 01:01:54,691 I can't believe you've never been camping before. 916 01:01:54,861 --> 01:01:59,127 I've been camping. Just never without adult supervision. 917 01:02:01,901 --> 01:02:04,802 My father took me once when I was 10. 918 01:02:05,838 --> 01:02:12,141 Actually, that's the first time I heard the seductive song of the astronomy siren. 919 01:02:13,045 --> 01:02:14,876 That's cool. 920 01:02:15,047 --> 01:02:20,314 My dad was too busy getting hammered and puking on his shoes to take me anywhere. 921 01:02:22,221 --> 01:02:24,485 His loss. 922 01:02:38,671 --> 01:02:42,232 I just feel so insignificant out here. 923 01:02:43,376 --> 01:02:45,310 Don't you? 924 01:02:46,245 --> 01:02:49,112 Sometimes. 925 01:02:49,282 --> 01:02:54,413 But then other times I feel totally connected to the universe... 926 01:02:54,587 --> 01:02:59,547 ...like a part of something greater than myself, or even this planet. 927 01:02:59,725 --> 01:03:04,355 That despite what happens to all of us when we shuffle off this mortal coil... 928 01:03:04,530 --> 01:03:06,555 ...the universe will still be here. 929 01:03:11,771 --> 01:03:13,602 That was beautiful. 930 01:03:13,773 --> 01:03:17,675 Yes, well, I'm paraphrasing Leonard Nimoy, of course. 931 01:03:27,453 --> 01:03:29,182 Are you okay? 932 01:03:29,355 --> 01:03:31,346 What do you mean? 933 01:03:32,425 --> 01:03:34,791 Your teeth are chattering. 934 01:03:34,961 --> 01:03:36,155 They are? 935 01:03:36,329 --> 01:03:38,422 Are you cold? 936 01:03:38,598 --> 01:03:41,123 Not particularly. 937 01:03:44,837 --> 01:03:46,600 Is that a permanent retainer? 938 01:03:47,907 --> 01:03:50,569 -Yeah. -I have one too. 939 01:03:50,743 --> 01:03:52,608 See? 940 01:03:54,380 --> 01:03:57,838 They say you're supposed to keep it in for life, you know? 941 01:03:58,017 --> 01:04:01,475 Well, that's what my orthodontist said. 942 01:04:28,881 --> 01:04:30,508 Hey. 943 01:04:33,185 --> 01:04:36,086 So ready to go? 944 01:04:47,466 --> 01:04:49,229 -Hold on! -Come on. 945 01:04:50,770 --> 01:04:52,328 Jeffrey? 946 01:04:52,505 --> 01:04:55,269 Jeffrey, what are we doing? She's in a meeting. 947 01:04:55,441 --> 01:04:57,409 Not for long. 948 01:05:00,212 --> 01:05:04,148 Sorry to interrupt. I have an urgent message for Maya Sinclair. 949 01:05:04,317 --> 01:05:06,308 I'm Maya Sinclair. What is it? 950 01:05:06,485 --> 01:05:09,386 Does the name Mert Rosenbloom mean anything to you? 951 01:05:09,555 --> 01:05:11,955 What happened? Is he all right? 952 01:05:12,124 --> 01:05:16,720 I don't know, you tell me. You're the one who's been sleeping with him. 953 01:05:18,064 --> 01:05:21,625 You sick bastard. Bob, call Security. 954 01:05:21,801 --> 01:05:22,825 Me, sick? 955 01:05:23,002 --> 01:05:26,267 You're the one having an affair with a man who's engaged to another woman. 956 01:05:26,439 --> 01:05:29,272 Mert Rosenbloom is not my lover, you psycho. He's my father. 957 01:05:35,581 --> 01:05:37,811 The last time I saw Mert, I was 12 years old. 958 01:05:37,984 --> 01:05:42,318 He dropped me off for soccer practice one day and never came back. 959 01:05:42,488 --> 01:05:46,185 At the time, my mom told me that he just wasn't ready to be a father. 960 01:05:46,359 --> 01:05:50,955 And when I was older, she told me that he suffered from depression. 961 01:05:51,130 --> 01:05:53,121 He started emailing me a couple years ago... 962 01:05:53,299 --> 01:05:55,563 ...telling me that he'd turned his life around... 963 01:05:55,735 --> 01:05:58,499 ...and that he'd become some sort of motivational speaker. 964 01:05:58,671 --> 01:06:02,368 Actually, I think he prefers the term "success coach." 965 01:06:04,010 --> 01:06:08,538 He said that he met this really great woman and he wanted me to meet her. 966 01:06:08,714 --> 01:06:10,875 So when I didn't respond, I guess... 967 01:06:11,050 --> 01:06:14,076 ...he just figured he'd rather say he didn't have any kids... 968 01:06:14,253 --> 01:06:16,585 ...than admit that he'd messed up so bad. 969 01:06:16,756 --> 01:06:18,485 Maybe I should have responded. 970 01:06:18,658 --> 01:06:20,182 I don't know. 971 01:06:20,359 --> 01:06:24,159 I guess I just never figured out a way to forgive him. 972 01:06:35,608 --> 01:06:37,269 We're here. 973 01:06:40,112 --> 01:06:45,243 Well, I feel sorry for the poor guy. 974 01:06:45,418 --> 01:06:48,319 But the truth must be revealed. 975 01:06:48,487 --> 01:06:52,480 Wait a minute. You still want your mom to break up with him? 976 01:06:52,658 --> 01:06:54,250 The man lied to her, Nora. 977 01:06:54,427 --> 01:06:57,396 -He was ashamed. -A lie is a lie. 978 01:06:57,563 --> 01:07:00,760 Ugh. Wait a minute. So you've never told a lied before? 979 01:07:00,933 --> 01:07:01,957 Absolutely not. 980 01:07:02,134 --> 01:07:05,695 That's a lie right there. Remember fat camp? 981 01:07:05,871 --> 01:07:08,169 That's different. 982 01:07:11,811 --> 01:07:14,279 What about Allison? 983 01:07:14,447 --> 01:07:15,880 What about her? 984 01:07:16,048 --> 01:07:20,382 I know there is no Allison. Mert told me all about it. 985 01:07:20,553 --> 01:07:22,487 And you believed him? 986 01:07:22,655 --> 01:07:25,522 The man will stop at nothing to bring me down. Don't you see? 987 01:07:25,691 --> 01:07:29,525 That's what this whole crusade is all about, saving my mother from that monster. 988 01:07:29,695 --> 01:07:32,789 You're not trying to save your mom, you're trying to sabotage her... 989 01:07:32,965 --> 01:07:34,899 ...because you're too afraid to grow up. 990 01:07:35,067 --> 01:07:37,467 And I was just a pawn in your sick little plan. 991 01:07:37,636 --> 01:07:41,163 You were not a pawn. You were an essential component. 992 01:07:41,340 --> 01:07:44,366 An essential component? 993 01:07:45,244 --> 01:07:47,235 Is that what you think of me? 994 01:07:47,413 --> 01:07:49,347 Yeah. What's wrong with that? 995 01:07:50,816 --> 01:07:52,943 You're such an asshole. 996 01:07:53,119 --> 01:07:54,347 Get out. 997 01:07:55,955 --> 01:07:59,015 -Okay, Nora, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. -Get out! 998 01:08:33,292 --> 01:08:35,021 Morning, Jeffrey. 999 01:08:35,194 --> 01:08:36,752 Oh, Mert. 1000 01:08:36,929 --> 01:08:39,523 That's my name, don't wear it out. 1001 01:08:39,698 --> 01:08:41,723 What are you doing up? 1002 01:08:42,668 --> 01:08:44,135 Cut the bullshit. 1003 01:08:45,805 --> 01:08:49,036 I know where you've been, and you shouldn't have gone there. 1004 01:08:49,208 --> 01:08:53,110 Well, you shouldn't have told Nora about Allison. 1005 01:08:53,279 --> 01:08:55,873 Stay away from me, you maniac. 1006 01:08:56,048 --> 01:08:57,276 I'll call the police. 1007 01:08:57,449 --> 01:08:59,679 Go ahead. It'll be over by the time they get here. 1008 01:08:59,852 --> 01:09:02,650 I'll scream. My mother's not gonna stand idly by while you murder me. 1009 01:09:05,124 --> 01:09:07,058 Scared you. 1010 01:09:14,700 --> 01:09:16,497 Come on. Ha-ha-ha-ha. 1011 01:09:17,503 --> 01:09:19,266 Don't make me hurt you, mama's boy. 1012 01:09:19,438 --> 01:09:23,238 Bring it on, old man, if you can even see me with your glaucoma. 1013 01:09:23,409 --> 01:09:24,774 Whoa, whoa! Woop! 1014 01:09:32,017 --> 01:09:34,178 You ever been in a fight before, crybaby? 1015 01:09:34,353 --> 01:09:36,014 As a matter of fact, I have. Huh? Huh? 1016 01:09:46,799 --> 01:09:49,461 What the hell is going on here? What's going on? 1017 01:09:49,635 --> 01:09:51,603 What? Huh? 1018 01:09:51,770 --> 01:09:53,169 -He started it. -I did not. 1019 01:09:53,339 --> 01:09:54,431 -Did too. -I did not! 1020 01:09:54,607 --> 01:09:55,869 -Did too. -I did not! 1021 01:09:56,041 --> 01:09:58,601 Stop! Will somebody please... 1022 01:10:00,713 --> 01:10:03,648 ...in God's name, tell me what is going on here? 1023 01:10:04,316 --> 01:10:08,446 Mert lied to you, Mother. He has a daughter, and I have proof. 1024 01:10:09,788 --> 01:10:11,653 Mert, what is he talking about? 1025 01:10:11,824 --> 01:10:13,621 Well, I mean-- I was-- 1026 01:10:13,792 --> 01:10:17,193 I was going to-- I was going to tell you. 1027 01:10:17,363 --> 01:10:20,457 Okay, forget it. Forget it. Here. You can take your ring back, Mert. 1028 01:10:20,633 --> 01:10:22,601 -Yes. -I'm not gonna take it. I am not-- 1029 01:10:22,768 --> 01:10:25,737 -Jan, I am not-- I am not taking the ring. -And good luck. 1030 01:10:25,905 --> 01:10:29,363 -Jan, your son-- -Don't talk to me like that. 1031 01:10:29,541 --> 01:10:34,877 Don't you dare say that about my son! Okay, that's it, Mert. I've had it! 1032 01:10:35,047 --> 01:10:36,878 Put him on a leash! 1033 01:10:45,991 --> 01:10:49,222 I know it wasn't easy for you to break it off with him, Mother... 1034 01:10:49,395 --> 01:10:52,694 ...but take comfort in the fact that you did the right thing. 1035 01:10:52,865 --> 01:10:55,959 No one should have to cohabitate with a liar. 1036 01:10:58,537 --> 01:10:59,697 Oh, and... 1037 01:10:59,872 --> 01:11:03,740 ...I was thinking that maybe for dinner tonight we could do something special. 1038 01:11:03,909 --> 01:11:05,376 Jeffrey? 1039 01:11:09,782 --> 01:11:11,875 I want you to move out. 1040 01:11:13,519 --> 01:11:14,713 What? 1041 01:11:14,887 --> 01:11:18,914 You have two weeks, Jeffrey, to find your own place. I'm sorry. 1042 01:11:19,758 --> 01:11:22,226 No, I'm not leaving. You can't make me. 1043 01:11:22,394 --> 01:11:23,725 Yes, I can, Jeffrey. 1044 01:11:25,030 --> 01:11:28,022 All right, fine, I'm sorry. I'll be better. I promise. 1045 01:11:28,200 --> 01:11:29,633 It's too late for that, Jeffrey. 1046 01:11:29,802 --> 01:11:33,533 No, look, you're in a state of shock, you don't know what you're saying. 1047 01:11:33,706 --> 01:11:38,166 I know exactly what I'm saying. Now, please let go of me. Let go of me. 1048 01:11:40,546 --> 01:11:42,878 Fine. You want me to leave? 1049 01:11:43,048 --> 01:11:46,108 I don't need your pity fortnight. I'll leave right now. 1050 01:11:46,285 --> 01:11:50,551 But I want you to know you're right. This is all your fault. 1051 01:11:50,723 --> 01:11:55,820 That I turned out this way, that you used me to replace Dad. 1052 01:12:00,032 --> 01:12:01,465 Oh. 1053 01:12:04,603 --> 01:12:07,037 Oh. Oh, dear. 1054 01:12:09,241 --> 01:12:11,106 Here. 1055 01:12:47,413 --> 01:12:48,812 What do you want? 1056 01:12:50,282 --> 01:12:54,116 Actually, I'd like an application for employment. 1057 01:12:54,286 --> 01:12:57,153 I'm looking for work, and I recalled you mentioning... 1058 01:12:57,322 --> 01:13:00,416 ...that the benefits package here was respectable. 1059 01:13:00,592 --> 01:13:03,720 Hey, Richard, can you bring this guy out an application? 1060 01:13:03,896 --> 01:13:05,693 The manager will be right with you. 1061 01:13:07,399 --> 01:13:10,835 Hey, if you wanna just fill this out for me right there-- 1062 01:13:12,304 --> 01:13:14,704 So how are things? 1063 01:13:14,873 --> 01:13:17,865 Can you cover for me? I'm gonna take off early. 1064 01:13:18,043 --> 01:13:21,706 Nora, look, at least give me the opportunity to explain. 1065 01:13:23,348 --> 01:13:26,044 Okay, but what's to explain? 1066 01:13:26,218 --> 01:13:30,678 That you're an immature man-child who used me in your demented plot... 1067 01:13:30,856 --> 01:13:35,418 ...to squeeze your mom's boyfriend out of her life so that you could win her back? 1068 01:13:35,594 --> 01:13:39,655 Oh, yeah, and your long-distance girlfriend is imaginary. 1069 01:13:39,832 --> 01:13:41,891 Does that about wrap it up there? 1070 01:13:42,067 --> 01:13:43,932 You're sick, bro. 1071 01:13:44,103 --> 01:13:47,436 It sounds a lot worse when you string it all together like that, Richard. 1072 01:13:47,606 --> 01:13:49,198 -You can't go back there. -Nora! 1073 01:13:49,374 --> 01:13:52,002 Don't even bother filling out that application. 1074 01:13:53,512 --> 01:13:55,377 Where's your car? 1075 01:13:56,715 --> 01:14:01,084 I sold it. I'm taking a bus to Austin next Sunday. 1076 01:14:01,253 --> 01:14:04,916 Nora, please. Give me another chance. 1077 01:14:06,024 --> 01:14:07,048 Why? 1078 01:14:07,226 --> 01:14:11,026 You don't care about me. You don't care about anybody. 1079 01:14:15,567 --> 01:14:18,536 Do you have any idea how much pain you caused your mom? 1080 01:14:19,371 --> 01:14:20,998 Do you? 1081 01:14:21,173 --> 01:14:24,267 All she wanted was a life, and you went and you messed it up... 1082 01:14:24,443 --> 01:14:26,502 ...because you're too afraid to live your own. 1083 01:14:26,678 --> 01:14:28,703 There's no way I'm letting you do that to me. 1084 01:14:28,881 --> 01:14:33,545 I'm chasing my dream. I'm taking my shot, okay? 1085 01:14:34,887 --> 01:14:37,447 And if your mom knew what was good for her, she would too. 1086 01:14:37,623 --> 01:14:40,183 And she'd kick you out of that goddamn house. 1087 01:14:40,359 --> 01:14:42,054 She did. 1088 01:14:44,630 --> 01:14:49,226 Oh. So, what? I guess you need a place to crash? 1089 01:14:51,236 --> 01:14:55,002 God, you're so pathetic. 1090 01:16:36,942 --> 01:16:40,173 Mm. Nummy-num-nums. Ahh. 1091 01:16:40,345 --> 01:16:41,403 Come on. 1092 01:16:41,580 --> 01:16:45,744 Thanks for coming. I hope we can let bygones be bygones. 1093 01:16:46,952 --> 01:16:50,945 I just spent 500 dollars to get you out of jail. 1094 01:16:51,123 --> 01:16:53,717 Then we're off to a good start. 1095 01:16:56,928 --> 01:17:00,659 Well, now, as you know, there isn't much room. 1096 01:17:00,832 --> 01:17:03,164 -And there's only one bed. -All right. 1097 01:17:03,335 --> 01:17:06,827 Are you sure you're gonna be okay sleeping on the floor? 1098 01:17:10,042 --> 01:17:12,510 I was thinking you would sleep on the floor. 1099 01:17:12,678 --> 01:17:14,908 I've got spina bifida. 1100 01:17:15,080 --> 01:17:17,071 I've got osteoporosis. 1101 01:17:17,249 --> 01:17:19,012 Well, I'm allergic to dust. 1102 01:17:19,184 --> 01:17:22,119 I'm 91 fucking years old. 1103 01:17:27,492 --> 01:17:29,551 Seymour, you awake? 1104 01:17:30,062 --> 01:17:31,962 I've been such a wiener. 1105 01:17:32,130 --> 01:17:33,791 What are you doing in my bed? 1106 01:17:33,965 --> 01:17:37,628 Do you think there's any way for me to make redress for the things I've done? 1107 01:17:38,503 --> 01:17:40,596 It's 4:00 in the morning. 1108 01:17:40,772 --> 01:17:42,330 I need to know, Seymour. 1109 01:17:42,507 --> 01:17:46,637 Can I be redeemed for all the suffering I've caused? 1110 01:17:47,979 --> 01:17:51,745 If you're looking for some wise, pithy bit of advice... 1111 01:17:52,517 --> 01:17:57,614 ...that only an old man with a lifetime of experience can give you... 1112 01:17:57,789 --> 01:18:00,349 ...you're barking up the wrong tree. 1113 01:18:06,365 --> 01:18:09,163 What I can tell you... 1114 01:18:09,334 --> 01:18:15,637 ...is the love we give away is the only love we keep. 1115 01:18:17,142 --> 01:18:21,135 That's actually wise and pithy, Seymour. 1116 01:18:21,313 --> 01:18:26,649 I got it off an old Deepak Chopra calendar. I think it was September. 1117 01:18:40,232 --> 01:18:41,631 Wake up, old man. 1118 01:18:41,800 --> 01:18:43,961 What in the name of Mike is going on? 1119 01:18:44,136 --> 01:18:45,262 I have a plan... 1120 01:18:45,437 --> 01:18:48,338 -...to restore order to the universe. -Huh? 1121 01:18:48,507 --> 01:18:50,668 I'm getting my mother back together with Mert. 1122 01:18:52,878 --> 01:18:54,937 You're wearing my suit. 1123 01:18:59,584 --> 01:19:02,610 Slow down! I don't know how! 1124 01:19:18,203 --> 01:19:21,036 "My dearest Jan, I've taken some time... 1125 01:19:21,206 --> 01:19:23,606 ...out of my incredibly successful schedule... 1126 01:19:23,775 --> 01:19:26,801 ...to think about recent events, and I've come to a conclusion. 1127 01:19:26,978 --> 01:19:31,608 I was wrong. Yes, I, Mert, the meat magician, screwed up. 1128 01:19:31,783 --> 01:19:36,117 I just want you to know that I'm sorry, and I know that Jeffrey is sorry. 1129 01:19:36,288 --> 01:19:38,654 What he did was selfish and childish. 1130 01:19:38,824 --> 01:19:43,124 He was afraid to live his own life, afraid that by sharing you he would lose you... 1131 01:19:43,295 --> 01:19:46,321 ...but he loves you and he wants us to be together. 1132 01:19:46,498 --> 01:19:50,332 Please, meet me at Brentfield Park tomorrow at 3. 1133 01:19:50,502 --> 01:19:53,198 All my love, Mert. " 1134 01:19:55,841 --> 01:19:59,504 "Dear Mert, you're right. Jeffrey should be on a leash. 1135 01:19:59,678 --> 01:20:03,614 Meet me at Brentfield Park tomorrow at 3. Love, Jan. " 1136 01:20:03,782 --> 01:20:05,477 Yes! 1137 01:20:13,525 --> 01:20:16,119 Damn it, where is she? 1138 01:20:16,294 --> 01:20:18,888 Jeffrey, Jeffrey... 1139 01:20:20,165 --> 01:20:22,759 ...no matter what happens from here on out... 1140 01:20:22,934 --> 01:20:27,098 ...I want you to know just one thing: I'm proud of you. 1141 01:20:29,274 --> 01:20:31,572 Subject in motion. 1142 01:20:33,945 --> 01:20:36,243 Hi. Hi, you wanted to see me? 1143 01:20:36,414 --> 01:20:40,851 Yes, yes, I did. I got your note. 1144 01:20:41,086 --> 01:20:44,487 -Oh. My what? My note? -Ooh. 1145 01:20:44,656 --> 01:20:46,180 -Yeah. -No, wait a minute. 1146 01:20:46,358 --> 01:20:48,326 I mean, you sent me a note. It's-- 1147 01:20:48,493 --> 01:20:51,121 No, you wrote me a note. But, anyway. 1148 01:20:51,296 --> 01:20:53,764 Anyway, right, forget it. 1149 01:20:53,932 --> 01:20:55,991 Jan, no, wait, wait, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1150 01:20:56,668 --> 01:21:00,229 Look, I know I should've come clean about everything... 1151 01:21:00,405 --> 01:21:02,873 ...but I just-- I was afraid I was gonna lose you. 1152 01:21:04,209 --> 01:21:07,667 That sounds like an excuse, but it's not, it's true. 1153 01:21:07,846 --> 01:21:10,314 Look, I.... 1154 01:21:14,753 --> 01:21:19,588 I have been in love with you since the first moment I saw you. 1155 01:21:20,458 --> 01:21:21,618 Bingo. 1156 01:21:24,362 --> 01:21:26,193 What? Damn it! 1157 01:21:26,364 --> 01:21:28,798 Can't they do anything right? 1158 01:21:28,967 --> 01:21:30,025 What's happen--? What? 1159 01:21:33,638 --> 01:21:35,105 Oh! Oh. 1160 01:21:35,273 --> 01:21:36,968 Oh, my God. 1161 01:21:37,142 --> 01:21:39,303 Lovely day for a stroll. 1162 01:21:39,477 --> 01:21:41,411 Leave me alone, okay? 1163 01:21:41,580 --> 01:21:44,378 -Come on, give Mert another chance. -What? 1164 01:21:44,549 --> 01:21:48,986 Look, I know I haven't always been the world's greatest son, but he loves you. 1165 01:21:49,154 --> 01:21:53,284 And I know you love him too. Just give me the opportunity to make things right. 1166 01:21:54,826 --> 01:21:58,694 Come on, I really am sorry. For everything I've done. 1167 01:21:58,863 --> 01:22:00,490 -Since when? -Since you met Mert. 1168 01:22:00,665 --> 01:22:03,463 -But what about before that? -What are you referring to? 1169 01:22:03,635 --> 01:22:07,036 Well, I am referring to the fact that you haven't been honest with me... 1170 01:22:07,205 --> 01:22:08,729 ...a day in your life, Jeffrey. 1171 01:22:08,907 --> 01:22:11,273 -And you've been honest with me? -No, I have not... 1172 01:22:11,443 --> 01:22:13,638 ...and it just makes me absolutely sick. 1173 01:22:13,812 --> 01:22:16,007 To think that our whole entire relationship... 1174 01:22:16,181 --> 01:22:19,116 ...has been based on a foundation of lies and self-deception-- 1175 01:22:19,284 --> 01:22:21,252 This is no time for a trip down memory lane. 1176 01:22:21,419 --> 01:22:23,580 It's not about us. It's about you and Mert. 1177 01:22:23,755 --> 01:22:28,158 It's all about us. It's all about where we went wrong. 1178 01:22:29,327 --> 01:22:33,229 -Don't you walk away from me, young lady. -Don't you talk to me like that, young man. 1179 01:22:33,398 --> 01:22:34,626 I'm your mother. 1180 01:22:34,799 --> 01:22:38,826 I know. That's why I want you to be happy. Don't you get it? 1181 01:22:39,004 --> 01:22:42,599 -That's why I want you to be with Mert. -You can't handle it. 1182 01:22:42,774 --> 01:22:45,834 -What did you say? -I said, you can't handle it. 1183 01:22:46,411 --> 01:22:51,644 I'm sorry, I didn't understand you because the word "can't" isn't in my vocabulary. 1184 01:22:55,987 --> 01:22:59,150 Come here. Come here. 1185 01:22:59,324 --> 01:23:00,484 Come on. 1186 01:23:09,134 --> 01:23:13,230 Come on, people. Can't we put all this behind us? 1187 01:23:18,043 --> 01:23:20,534 -What--? What do we--? -Come on. 1188 01:23:35,193 --> 01:23:36,490 Tsk. 1189 01:23:53,378 --> 01:23:56,370 All right, well, sweetheart, please drive safe, okay? 1190 01:24:00,185 --> 01:24:03,086 -Do you need any cash? -No, thanks. 1191 01:24:03,955 --> 01:24:06,788 You're a good man, Mert Rosenbloom. 1192 01:24:12,130 --> 01:24:13,859 Take care of my mother for me. 1193 01:24:14,032 --> 01:24:15,659 I will. 1194 01:24:27,045 --> 01:24:28,774 Bye. 1195 01:24:58,309 --> 01:24:59,867 What the hell is this? 1196 01:25:21,766 --> 01:25:24,428 What is this? I'm on a schedule here. 1197 01:25:25,770 --> 01:25:26,759 Jeffrey. 1198 01:25:26,938 --> 01:25:29,429 -Is he your boyfriend? -What the hell are you doing? 1199 01:25:29,607 --> 01:25:32,474 Trying to get this contraption to work. 1200 01:25:32,644 --> 01:25:35,238 -You're making a scene. -Have you ever seen a shoddier... 1201 01:25:35,413 --> 01:25:37,779 ...piece of equipment? I may be forced to litigate. 1202 01:25:37,949 --> 01:25:41,476 -Move this vehicle or I'm calling the cops. -I refuse to move an inch, sir... 1203 01:25:41,653 --> 01:25:44,121 ...until the young lady agrees to come with me. 1204 01:25:44,289 --> 01:25:45,881 Oh, my God. 1205 01:25:46,057 --> 01:25:47,957 -You're insane. -No, I'm not. 1206 01:25:49,761 --> 01:25:51,888 I made a backup copy. 1207 01:25:55,300 --> 01:25:56,892 Look, Nora, you were right. 1208 01:25:57,068 --> 01:26:00,765 I was an asshole. I'm sorry about the way I treated you. 1209 01:26:00,939 --> 01:26:03,737 It's just because I liked you so much. 1210 01:26:03,908 --> 01:26:06,468 What are you talking about? 1211 01:26:07,478 --> 01:26:12,472 You're smart, you're intrepid, you're "funky." 1212 01:26:12,650 --> 01:26:16,051 I was just so terrified of being hurt... 1213 01:26:16,221 --> 01:26:17,745 ...I couldn't admit it. 1214 01:26:20,024 --> 01:26:21,787 But I'm not afraid anymore. 1215 01:26:22,360 --> 01:26:24,851 Now I'm late, asshole. Move that piece of shit. 1216 01:26:25,029 --> 01:26:27,361 -Come make me, you philistine! Ah.... 1217 01:26:29,400 --> 01:26:31,766 Can you give me a chance? 1218 01:26:31,936 --> 01:26:34,404 Come with me? 1219 01:26:38,243 --> 01:26:39,801 Get out of the way! 1220 01:26:41,446 --> 01:26:44,313 You sure you know how to drive that thing? 1221 01:27:01,900 --> 01:27:03,094 Sorry. 1222 01:27:03,268 --> 01:27:06,260 Dear Lunar Space Institute of Austin, Texas: 1223 01:27:06,437 --> 01:27:09,804 A night of romance beneath the stars with a plucky songstress... 1224 01:27:09,974 --> 01:27:13,000 ...has reawakened me to the majesty of the cosmos. 1225 01:27:13,177 --> 01:27:16,112 I have come to realize that we are, all of us, connected. 1226 01:27:16,281 --> 01:27:20,308 And that, like the universe itself, our dreams know no bounds. 1227 01:27:20,485 --> 01:27:25,115 My dream is to be an astronomer. I look forward to seeing you in the fall. 1228 01:27:25,290 --> 01:27:28,054 And trust that I will not be assigned a roommate this time... 1229 01:27:28,226 --> 01:27:33,007 ...per my doctor's request. Yours, Jeffrey Mannus.