1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
IN MEMORIA DI ME IN

2
00:00:17,460 --> 00:00:21,089
I need to have an ideal,
a reason to live for.

3
00:00:22,740 --> 00:00:24,970
I don't want to keep chasing after

4
00:00:25,340 --> 00:00:27,648
the same freedom that everyone wants.

5
00:00:29,459 --> 00:00:31,017
It's false.

6
00:00:32,659 --> 00:00:34,536
It's false freedom.

7
00:00:36,379 --> 00:00:38,688
What kind of life
have you led up to now?

8
00:00:39,259 --> 00:00:42,331
I have lived without depriving myself
of anything.

9
00:00:43,179 --> 00:00:44,578
I have loved.

10
00:00:48,018 --> 00:00:50,816
And yet it seemed
I wasn't getting anywhere,

11
00:00:51,178 --> 00:00:53,214
that I had nothing more to give.

12
00:00:56,058 --> 00:00:58,174
And my heart suffered.

13
00:01:00,138 --> 00:01:02,857
But I buried it inside me
without asking questions.

14
00:01:07,017 --> 00:01:09,736
Anyway, for everyone else,
I was a winner.

15
00:01:14,577 --> 00:01:17,375
I started losing sleep
because I was afraid

16
00:01:19,377 --> 00:01:22,255
to look around and find
nothing there.

17
00:01:27,336 --> 00:01:30,169
I don't know why
I started going to Mass

18
00:01:30,376 --> 00:01:32,412
and reading the Gospel.

19
00:01:37,816 --> 00:01:40,011
It's hard to explain, but...

20
00:01:40,616 --> 00:01:43,288
a new way of being

21
00:01:44,575 --> 00:01:46,406
occurred to me.

22
00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:49,931
What do you want to become?

23
00:01:53,415 --> 00:01:54,928
A person.

24
00:02:14,174 --> 00:02:19,247
IN MEMORY OF MYSELF

25
00:03:05,731 --> 00:03:07,164
Come in.

26
00:03:19,890 --> 00:03:21,482
Please be seated.

27
00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:33,601
Congratulations, you have passed
a brief, but difficult test

28
00:03:33,809 --> 00:03:36,118
of isolation over the last few days.

29
00:03:36,729 --> 00:03:39,766
Tomorrow, you will encounter
your personal silence...

30
00:03:42,049 --> 00:03:44,358
Silence which sharpens discernment,

31
00:03:44,569 --> 00:03:46,958
which will judge a vocation.

32
00:03:47,289 --> 00:03:48,927
If there is one.

33
00:03:50,289 --> 00:03:53,644
As you know, this is a period
dedicated to spiritual training.

34
00:03:53,848 --> 00:03:57,318
It is a question of turning
perspectives around,

35
00:03:57,648 --> 00:04:02,324
of changing the way you have looked
at the world up to now.

36
00:04:04,448 --> 00:04:06,359
To obtain this new perspective,

37
00:04:06,568 --> 00:04:09,401
we must envelop ourselves
in silence and prayer.

38
00:04:10,207 --> 00:04:13,165
We are not accustomed
to listening to the silence

39
00:04:14,767 --> 00:04:17,235
which speaks deep within us.

40
00:04:17,687 --> 00:04:20,326
Where God dwells.

41
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:26,805
The rules of the house
serve this purpose.

42
00:04:27,007 --> 00:04:28,837
You will learn this.

43
00:04:30,886 --> 00:04:33,480
Some of them
will perhaps surprise you.

44
00:04:34,326 --> 00:04:37,045
They will challenge
your way of thinking.

45
00:04:38,806 --> 00:04:41,639
Your brothers
will be looking out for you

46
00:04:41,846 --> 00:04:44,644
as you should look out for them.

47
00:04:46,046 --> 00:04:50,835
Indicating the shortcomings
of a brother to the Father Superior

48
00:04:51,045 --> 00:04:53,195
is an act of charity.

49
00:04:53,725 --> 00:04:58,003
It is like self-denunciation,
like confessing your own sins,

50
00:04:58,685 --> 00:05:00,880
the dark side of yourself

51
00:05:01,445 --> 00:05:04,118
which needs
to be brought to the light.

52
00:05:04,725 --> 00:05:06,954
Finally, do not forget that

53
00:05:07,164 --> 00:05:09,314
while you are here to test the Order,

54
00:05:09,524 --> 00:05:12,163
the Order will be testing you.

55
00:05:15,364 --> 00:05:17,036
After you.

56
00:05:42,882 --> 00:05:46,192
I would like to introduce
our new brother, Andrea.

57
00:05:46,602 --> 00:05:48,194
Come.

58
00:05:48,402 --> 00:05:50,836
This is the community
which is hosting you:

59
00:05:51,042 --> 00:05:53,033
The retired Fathers,

60
00:05:53,322 --> 00:05:56,200
the Father Superiors
and your new companions.

61
00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:59,393
With time,
you will meet them all.

62
00:05:59,642 --> 00:06:02,030
- Please be seated.
- Thank you.

63
00:06:05,481 --> 00:06:09,599
We thank you, Father, for the food
that you have granted us.

64
00:06:09,801 --> 00:06:13,157
In the name of the Father,
the Son and the Holy Spirit.

65
00:07:14,478 --> 00:07:16,707
And these are our quarters.

66
00:07:19,717 --> 00:07:21,309
Follow me.

67
00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:42,667
You live here.

68
00:07:46,956 --> 00:07:49,026
Have you met Fausto?

69
00:08:00,875 --> 00:08:04,106
It's basic,
but you'll find everything you need.

70
00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:07,833
The Father Master asked me
to help you with our daily schedule

71
00:08:08,035 --> 00:08:09,753
at the start.

72
00:08:09,955 --> 00:08:12,309
Anyway, it's the same everyday,

73
00:08:12,554 --> 00:08:14,385
barring exceptions.

74
00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:18,627
- Welcome.
- Thank you.

75
00:10:54,786 --> 00:10:55,980
I am sorry.

76
00:10:56,786 --> 00:10:59,424
Hold this. You can fill up the bucket
in the lavatory.

77
00:10:59,745 --> 00:11:02,703
You can start
with this part of the corridor.

78
00:11:02,905 --> 00:11:05,214
Then remember to put it back in here.

79
00:11:05,705 --> 00:11:08,742
When the bell rings, we start the
meditations the Father Master gave us.

80
00:11:08,945 --> 00:11:10,298
Yes, yes, thank you.

81
00:11:10,505 --> 00:11:14,214
- He already gave them to me.
- Good. See you later.

82
00:11:25,784 --> 00:11:27,661
Leave it.

83
00:13:13,858 --> 00:13:14,927
Come in.

84
00:14:09,775 --> 00:14:13,404
"If anyone wants to be my follower,
let him renounce himself,

85
00:14:13,615 --> 00:14:16,413
take up his cross and follow me."

86
00:14:18,175 --> 00:14:21,884
Man's secret yet constant thought
is to save himself

87
00:14:22,255 --> 00:14:26,406
to ensure a material existence
which he is destined to lose.

88
00:14:28,054 --> 00:14:32,491
This desperate, useless quest
makes him self-centred.

89
00:14:33,294 --> 00:14:35,888
Causes him
to destroy himself and others.

90
00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:40,804
True life, however, is loving Him
who loved us first.

91
00:14:41,973 --> 00:14:44,362
This is true life
which will never die.

92
00:14:57,893 --> 00:14:59,451
It's your turn, Fausto.

93
00:15:19,771 --> 00:15:22,888
Mark 8, 31-35.

94
00:15:24,011 --> 00:15:26,161
In reference to

95
00:15:27,211 --> 00:15:28,849
De Rienzo's 34.

96
00:15:30,011 --> 00:15:33,720
"If anyone wants to be my follower,

97
00:15:33,931 --> 00:15:36,399
let him renounce himself,
take up his cross and follow me."

98
00:15:37,650 --> 00:15:38,878
Well...

99
00:15:39,890 --> 00:15:41,687
This passage...

100
00:15:43,050 --> 00:15:47,009
explains what it means
to become a disciple of Jesus.

101
00:15:51,370 --> 00:15:53,361
The key phrase is as follows:

102
00:15:54,970 --> 00:15:57,642
"Anyone who wants to save his life,
will lose it,

103
00:15:58,409 --> 00:16:02,118
but anyone who loses his life
for my sake and for the Gospel,

104
00:16:02,449 --> 00:16:04,440
will save it".

105
00:16:07,969 --> 00:16:09,641
Well,

106
00:16:11,609 --> 00:16:13,440
the point is...

107
00:16:18,768 --> 00:16:20,998
what is meant by life?

108
00:16:25,528 --> 00:16:26,847
The...

109
00:16:28,248 --> 00:16:30,204
term in the Greek text,

110
00:16:30,408 --> 00:16:31,966
psyche,

111
00:16:32,528 --> 00:16:35,325
corresponds to the Hebrew term

112
00:16:36,287 --> 00:16:38,323
nephesh...

113
00:16:41,487 --> 00:16:43,478
Let me start again.

114
00:16:44,207 --> 00:16:46,323
The Greek term psyche, life,

115
00:16:46,527 --> 00:16:50,406
corresponds to the Hebrew term
nephesh, breath of life.

116
00:16:51,726 --> 00:16:53,557
Therefore,

117
00:16:54,446 --> 00:16:56,164
life is...

118
00:16:59,206 --> 00:17:00,924
breath.

119
00:17:08,006 --> 00:17:09,724
But also...

120
00:17:15,765 --> 00:17:19,997
Personality,
responsibility.

121
00:17:46,404 --> 00:17:48,121
I'm sorry.

122
00:19:08,519 --> 00:19:10,032
Well,

123
00:19:12,599 --> 00:19:14,635
at the end of the day,

124
00:19:15,559 --> 00:19:17,277
as usual,

125
00:19:20,918 --> 00:19:23,990
we have come before the Lord
to go over it with Him.

126
00:19:29,998 --> 00:19:33,229
Let's attempt to go over the events
which marked the day,

127
00:19:36,238 --> 00:19:38,274
the encounters we've had.

128
00:19:41,037 --> 00:19:44,552
We think back with gratitude
on the gifts we've received.

129
00:19:47,117 --> 00:19:50,393
We think back also on the moments
when we forgot the Lord,

130
00:19:52,077 --> 00:19:56,070
when we were concentrating only
on ourselves.

131
00:21:34,111 --> 00:21:35,510
Fausto...

132
00:23:54,784 --> 00:23:57,981
"It is great not to be subject
to a passion for things,

133
00:23:59,663 --> 00:24:03,292
but it is far greater to remain
impassive before their image."

134
00:24:05,543 --> 00:24:09,741
Maximus the Confessor is telling us
all that inflicts pain are images,

135
00:24:09,943 --> 00:24:11,501
and therefore unreal.

136
00:24:11,703 --> 00:24:15,093
When for example we go through states
of anxiety and then it finally passes,

137
00:24:15,303 --> 00:24:18,453
we say that it was nothing,
nothing caused our anxiety.

138
00:24:19,262 --> 00:24:22,220
It was only the appearance,
not the reality of things.

139
00:24:22,422 --> 00:24:24,652
Therefore I tell you that
even if you are suffering,

140
00:24:24,862 --> 00:24:26,773
learn not to let it show.

141
00:24:28,062 --> 00:24:31,816
Train yourselves to remain impassive,
to conceal your torments.

142
00:24:33,222 --> 00:24:37,453
You will see that it will become
an internal habit.

143
00:24:39,181 --> 00:24:42,730
One day, in the desert of Egypt,
a young man went to a monk

144
00:24:42,941 --> 00:24:45,330
to ask if
he could become his disciple.

145
00:24:45,541 --> 00:24:49,420
The monk said that his first task
would be to go up to some statues

146
00:24:49,621 --> 00:24:51,498
and insult them.

147
00:24:51,701 --> 00:24:54,374
And then go back to them
to ask their forgiveness.

148
00:24:55,060 --> 00:24:58,416
The young man went but when
he came back to the monk he said:

149
00:24:58,620 --> 00:25:02,374
"I have done what you told me,
but the statues remained impassive".

150
00:25:03,060 --> 00:25:06,973
And the monk answered: "Come back
when you're like those statues".

151
00:25:08,180 --> 00:25:11,331
Our aim is to become indifferent
to everything.

152
00:25:14,059 --> 00:25:17,813
We must not desire
wealth over poverty,

153
00:25:18,059 --> 00:25:20,129
health over illness,

154
00:25:20,739 --> 00:25:22,695
success rather than scorn,

155
00:25:22,899 --> 00:25:25,811
or a long life
rather than a short one.

156
00:25:26,499 --> 00:25:28,410
Those of us here,

157
00:25:28,619 --> 00:25:32,497
strive only for what fulfils the aim
for which we were created.

158
00:25:33,098 --> 00:25:35,089
To resemble God.

159
00:29:42,405 --> 00:29:45,522
We thank you, Lord, for the food...

160
00:29:45,725 --> 00:29:47,283
Lord...

161
00:29:49,805 --> 00:29:53,433
recognizing our own sins is greater
than bringing a dead man to life.

162
00:29:55,644 --> 00:29:57,555
He who weeps for an hour for himself

163
00:29:59,124 --> 00:30:01,797
is greater than he
who instructs the whole world.

164
00:30:03,884 --> 00:30:06,444
He who recognizes his own weaknesses

165
00:30:07,524 --> 00:30:09,958
is greater than he who sees an angel.

166
00:30:12,163 --> 00:30:14,472
He who follows Christ in secret

167
00:30:16,163 --> 00:30:18,882
is greater than he
who enjoys much fame in church.

168
00:30:24,803 --> 00:30:27,363
Nobody can recognize his own sins

169
00:30:28,043 --> 00:30:30,840
without at the same time knowing God.

170
00:30:32,602 --> 00:30:34,513
Not before, nor after.

171
00:30:36,442 --> 00:30:38,512
At the very same instant.

172
00:30:39,242 --> 00:30:41,915
The same identical intuition
of grace.

173
00:30:51,201 --> 00:30:52,839
We thank you, Lord,

174
00:30:53,561 --> 00:30:56,997
for the food that
you granted us again today

175
00:30:57,201 --> 00:31:00,398
and that we ate in your presence.

176
00:31:01,641 --> 00:31:04,633
In the name of the Father,
the Son and the Holy Spirit.

177
00:31:04,841 --> 00:31:06,353
Amen.

178
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:27,118
Soul of Christ, sanctify me,
Body of Christ, save me.

179
00:31:27,879 --> 00:31:32,270
Blood of Christ, inebriate me, water
from the Rib of Christ, cleanse me.

180
00:31:32,719 --> 00:31:35,313
Passion of Christ, comfort me.

181
00:31:36,319 --> 00:31:39,868
Good Lord, hear me
hide me in your wounds.

182
00:31:40,719 --> 00:31:43,153
Do not let me stray from You.

183
00:31:43,358 --> 00:31:47,317
Defend me from my evil enemy
and call me on my hour of death.

184
00:31:48,918 --> 00:31:53,628
Let me come to You to praise You and
all the Saints forever and ever.

185
00:31:55,358 --> 00:31:59,954
Soul of Christ, sanctify me,
Body of Christ, save me.

186
00:32:00,398 --> 00:32:02,831
Blood of Christ...

187
00:32:06,877 --> 00:32:10,552
Defend me from my evil enemy
and call me on my hour of death.

188
00:32:11,197 --> 00:32:15,509
Let me come to You to praise You and
all the Saints forever and ever.

189
00:37:01,061 --> 00:37:03,973
As you must have realized,
one of your brothers has left us.

190
00:37:06,101 --> 00:37:09,298
Serious family matters forced him
to return home.

191
00:37:11,101 --> 00:37:13,899
In the hope of his return one day,

192
00:37:14,101 --> 00:37:18,013
let us pray to the Lord
to accompany him in his trials.

193
00:37:21,060 --> 00:37:23,494
We offer thanks to you, Lord Jesus.

194
00:37:23,780 --> 00:37:27,534
Watch over us that
we remain united in your name.

195
00:37:28,700 --> 00:37:31,089
May you be blessed now
and forevermore.

196
00:37:31,380 --> 00:37:34,213
In the name of the Father, the Son
and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

197
00:37:43,739 --> 00:37:46,572
- The doctor's here.
- Thank you.

198
00:37:54,899 --> 00:37:56,331
Father...

199
00:37:57,298 --> 00:37:59,129
I'm sorry to bother you.

200
00:37:59,338 --> 00:38:01,010
What is it?

201
00:38:02,338 --> 00:38:04,090
It's about Panella.

202
00:38:04,778 --> 00:38:07,611
I saw him leave
the house last night.

203
00:38:08,698 --> 00:38:12,373
- I heard noises and...
- His family came to pick him up.

204
00:38:16,097 --> 00:38:18,247
Why are you lying, Father?

205
00:38:21,297 --> 00:38:22,935
Because it's right.

206
00:38:23,617 --> 00:38:27,496
And so it should be referred
to the novices to avoid problems.

207
00:38:30,177 --> 00:38:33,566
It is also right that Fausto left
if he didn't wish to stay here.

208
00:38:35,136 --> 00:38:38,014
In any event,
these things do not concern us.

209
00:38:40,816 --> 00:38:43,330
His parents came to pick him up.

210
00:38:45,656 --> 00:38:48,045
Do you require
any further explanation?

211
00:39:48,372 --> 00:39:51,523
A community based on Christ
does not judge.

212
00:39:56,372 --> 00:40:00,206
But living alongside others and
listening to what they have to tell us

213
00:40:00,732 --> 00:40:05,043
is a great opportunity for us
to discover our own behaviour.

214
00:40:05,651 --> 00:40:08,768
How we appear to others and
what we communicate to them.

215
00:40:11,091 --> 00:40:14,970
The comments of others serve
to question our own image,

216
00:40:15,451 --> 00:40:17,646
the image
we have created of ourselves.

217
00:40:18,451 --> 00:40:21,488
Only humiliation can teach us
the essence of humility.

218
00:40:24,050 --> 00:40:25,961
Listen, Andrea,

219
00:40:27,210 --> 00:40:29,599
to what your brothers
have to say to you.

220
00:40:35,490 --> 00:40:37,799
You seem too sure of yourself.

221
00:40:41,730 --> 00:40:44,801
You are too curious,
too indiscreet.

222
00:40:47,409 --> 00:40:49,240
You seem presumptuous.

223
00:40:52,409 --> 00:40:54,923
It seems like you are running away
from something.

224
00:40:57,529 --> 00:41:00,407
It feels like you are judging me.

225
00:41:02,448 --> 00:41:05,440
You seem cold, indifferent.

226
00:41:08,608 --> 00:41:12,044
I'm afraid of you,
you seem arrogant.

227
00:41:15,608 --> 00:41:17,758
You seem vain.

228
00:43:05,002 --> 00:43:07,641
It's the new schedule
for the homilies.

229
00:43:08,042 --> 00:43:10,033
It's tomorrow.
You're the first.

230
00:43:11,281 --> 00:43:13,397
You'll have to write it tonight.

231
00:44:25,677 --> 00:44:28,749
We have taken refuge here,
in the shade of this island,

232
00:44:28,957 --> 00:44:30,549
the dwelling of God,

233
00:44:30,757 --> 00:44:33,715
that takes us in and absolves us
from every human fear.

234
00:44:34,477 --> 00:44:36,627
What have we given up?

235
00:44:37,597 --> 00:44:40,236
Only that which
we didn't want anyway.

236
00:44:40,437 --> 00:44:44,270
Love so commonplace that
it was destined to die of habit.

237
00:44:45,396 --> 00:44:48,547
We have discovered that
our revolution lies in rules.

238
00:44:48,756 --> 00:44:51,350
Daily routines, rituals

239
00:44:51,996 --> 00:44:54,829
and liturgies which prevent us
from straying into error.

240
00:44:55,196 --> 00:44:59,235
But this is still no guarantee
that we will become better men.

241
00:44:59,756 --> 00:45:01,792
We quote the Scriptures,

242
00:45:02,236 --> 00:45:04,066
meditate on the Gospel,

243
00:45:04,515 --> 00:45:08,713
but no one knows better than we do
how difficult it is to live by them.

244
00:45:10,795 --> 00:45:13,150
Should we blame ourselves for this?

245
00:45:18,395 --> 00:45:22,307
Is there another path for us,
other than teaching the Gospel?

246
00:45:24,354 --> 00:45:25,628
No.

247
00:45:25,834 --> 00:45:29,429
We know that we must be
the guides for humanity,

248
00:45:29,874 --> 00:45:33,184
that when hearing the Gospel,
desires ethics.

249
00:45:35,194 --> 00:45:38,823
That when sensing love,
prefers severity.

250
00:45:39,953 --> 00:45:43,343
That when hoping for forgiveness,
hurries to condemn.

251
00:45:45,593 --> 00:45:48,107
And when it should fall
silent and weep,

252
00:45:49,153 --> 00:45:51,826
asks God to account for what it,

253
00:45:53,393 --> 00:45:55,748
and it alone, should have done.

254
00:46:11,192 --> 00:46:12,671
You are judging.

255
00:46:18,631 --> 00:46:20,781
There is no love in what you say.

256
00:46:24,191 --> 00:46:26,864
I don't pretend
to make people fall in love.

257
00:46:29,711 --> 00:46:33,021
I am here to learn
the contents of the faith.

258
00:46:36,990 --> 00:46:39,663
But love is
the contents of the faith.

259
00:46:44,950 --> 00:46:47,987
I think people
must fall in love with Christ

260
00:46:48,350 --> 00:46:50,545
even if they have never read a word

261
00:46:50,750 --> 00:46:53,946
of the tons of literature
that has been written about Him.

262
00:46:57,469 --> 00:47:01,382
How can you be
scientific about Christ?

263
00:47:02,869 --> 00:47:06,225
We are called upon to explain
the reasons for our faith.

264
00:47:13,428 --> 00:47:15,305
The Gospel exists.

265
00:47:16,788 --> 00:47:20,497
He who explains it must give
the instruments to understand it.

266
00:47:22,428 --> 00:47:25,386
You are the Gospel when
you are a priest.

267
00:47:28,788 --> 00:47:32,416
It is through you that the people
expect to see Christ.

268
00:47:34,827 --> 00:47:39,378
If there weren't a single copy
of the Gospel in the world,

269
00:47:41,387 --> 00:47:44,265
if I was told
that God doesn't exist,

270
00:47:44,747 --> 00:47:48,262
that Jesus Christ was only a lie...

271
00:47:50,186 --> 00:47:52,097
But if through someone else,

272
00:47:52,346 --> 00:47:55,622
I truly experienced Him myself,

273
00:47:56,426 --> 00:47:58,257
be certain...

274
00:47:59,266 --> 00:48:02,463
Be certain
I'd prefer to stay with Christ

275
00:48:02,666 --> 00:48:05,499
than with all the other
truths of this world.

276
00:53:56,887 --> 00:53:58,525
Please be seated.

277
00:54:11,086 --> 00:54:13,554
The Father Master informs me

278
00:54:13,766 --> 00:54:16,838
that you show great ability
in your studies.

279
00:54:18,806 --> 00:54:22,320
In particular, he praised
your writing skills.

280
00:54:23,525 --> 00:54:26,517
As you know, our job here

281
00:54:26,725 --> 00:54:30,798
is to enhance
your individual capacities.

282
00:54:31,565 --> 00:54:34,875
The work of the Lord
is accomplished through our gifts,

283
00:54:37,245 --> 00:54:39,599
the gifts He bestowed on us.

284
00:54:45,564 --> 00:54:47,236
Who are you?

285
00:54:49,564 --> 00:54:51,759
Why have you come here?

286
00:54:53,164 --> 00:54:56,997
Write about the process
you are following,

287
00:54:58,083 --> 00:55:00,074
the reasons for it.

288
00:55:00,523 --> 00:55:03,356
Try to explain it.

289
00:55:09,163 --> 00:55:12,394
Personally, I would be happy
to read something of the sort.

290
00:55:27,322 --> 00:55:29,392
I know it's hard at first.

291
00:55:30,842 --> 00:55:33,993
But try and keep at it,
as you have done so far.

292
00:55:34,921 --> 00:55:38,436
We are certain that
you can do very well in the future.

293
00:55:44,361 --> 00:55:46,431
I am counting on you, Andrea.

294
00:59:56,067 --> 00:59:58,103
Why are you following me?

295
01:00:39,385 --> 01:00:42,775
To be everything in life,
I risked becoming nothing at all.

296
01:00:44,945 --> 01:00:48,062
I'd managed to give up
every responsibility.

297
01:00:50,824 --> 01:00:53,099
It was all the same, I said.

298
01:00:54,824 --> 01:00:56,735
We're just ants.

299
01:00:57,264 --> 01:00:58,777
Ghosts.

300
01:01:01,544 --> 01:01:03,580
Then one evening,

301
01:01:04,024 --> 01:01:06,015
I went out into the street

302
01:01:06,944 --> 01:01:10,652
and made up my mind
not to avoid traffic anymore.

303
01:01:14,463 --> 01:01:17,660
All I had to do to die
was to stand still.

304
01:01:24,023 --> 01:01:26,696
I'm not pretending I was enlightened.

305
01:01:29,102 --> 01:01:31,491
It only lasted a second.

306
01:01:34,222 --> 01:01:36,372
And everything was so present.

307
01:01:42,942 --> 01:01:45,217
In the depths of it,

308
01:01:46,061 --> 01:01:48,416
I didn't feel alone anymore.

309
01:01:54,941 --> 01:01:56,932
I realized that evil

310
01:01:58,821 --> 01:02:00,971
was what I myself was doing,

311
01:02:03,021 --> 01:02:05,250
and that I needed forgiveness.

312
01:02:08,700 --> 01:02:10,770
Perhaps for the first time

313
01:02:11,540 --> 01:02:13,849
in my life, I felt...

314
01:02:15,620 --> 01:02:17,690
I felt loved.

315
01:02:20,060 --> 01:02:22,528
And so I...

316
01:02:24,179 --> 01:02:26,374
And so I came here,

317
01:02:27,939 --> 01:02:30,169
in order not to lose myself.

318
01:02:35,619 --> 01:02:37,849
But the silence

319
01:02:38,179 --> 01:02:40,249
of this church

320
01:02:41,418 --> 01:02:43,249
is empty.

321
01:02:52,138 --> 01:02:54,413
They need truth

322
01:02:54,618 --> 01:02:56,848
to be dead.

323
01:03:01,137 --> 01:03:03,128
They need truth to be...

324
01:03:03,337 --> 01:03:04,850
dead.

325
01:03:09,457 --> 01:03:11,254
Why are you here?

326
01:03:12,697 --> 01:03:14,767
I'm here for myself.

327
01:03:20,456 --> 01:03:22,651
Because the world won't change,

328
01:03:22,856 --> 01:03:24,926
if I don't change first.

329
01:03:26,216 --> 01:03:28,446
We aren't changing the world.

330
01:03:29,536 --> 01:03:31,652
We're only copying it.

331
01:03:35,656 --> 01:03:37,964
And why are you still here?

332
01:03:45,335 --> 01:03:47,451
Because I'm afraid.

333
01:03:50,375 --> 01:03:52,445
Who's in the infirmary?

334
01:05:51,368 --> 01:05:52,084
Come in.

335
01:05:56,728 --> 01:05:58,878
I hope I'm not disturbing you.

336
01:06:00,008 --> 01:06:03,284
Last night I overheard something
that I think I should tell you.

337
01:07:05,324 --> 01:07:08,600
What were you and Zanna
talking about last night?

338
01:07:18,444 --> 01:07:20,479
Well? Answer me !

339
01:07:34,723 --> 01:07:36,714
He has some doubts.

340
01:07:37,003 --> 01:07:39,152
He is asking himself questions.

341
01:07:39,922 --> 01:07:43,278
What do you mean,
asking himself questions?

342
01:07:50,042 --> 01:07:51,475
Well?

343
01:08:01,001 --> 01:08:05,438
Explain to your brothers
what sort of questions he has.

344
01:08:11,761 --> 01:08:13,956
He feels he is dying in here.

345
01:08:27,840 --> 01:08:31,037
Here we prepare you
to become men of God.

346
01:08:32,600 --> 01:08:35,113
To be ready to serve Him

347
01:08:35,319 --> 01:08:37,310
whenever needed.

348
01:08:45,239 --> 01:08:47,992
You should be ready
to cross continents,

349
01:08:48,199 --> 01:08:51,236
overcome diffidence and opposition,

350
01:08:52,719 --> 01:08:54,470
face wars

351
01:08:55,638 --> 01:08:57,674
and even martyrdom.

352
01:09:02,718 --> 01:09:05,186
And you must always be prepared

353
01:09:05,798 --> 01:09:09,029
to carry out
the orders of your Superiors.

354
01:09:15,717 --> 01:09:19,392
If you are incapable
of accepting this servitude,

355
01:09:21,317 --> 01:09:25,788
you are free to return to the world.

356
01:09:37,476 --> 01:09:39,512
The doors remain open

357
01:09:40,556 --> 01:09:44,913
for those who wish to leave.

358
01:09:49,955 --> 01:09:54,824
The novitiate is when
the novice tests the Order,

359
01:09:55,035 --> 01:09:57,947
and the Order tests the novice.

360
01:10:06,155 --> 01:10:08,270
Do not forget this.

361
01:10:10,674 --> 01:10:13,268
Not all of you will see it through.

362
01:11:50,669 --> 01:11:55,379
"If your brother does something wrong,
go and have it out with him alone,

363
01:11:55,589 --> 01:12:01,538
If he listens to you, you have
won him back." Matthew 18:25.

364
01:28:09,536 --> 01:28:11,925
I have decided to leave.
I wanted to tell you.

365
01:28:20,456 --> 01:28:23,527
If I stayed,
I'd only be doing myself harm.

366
01:28:26,695 --> 01:28:28,526
I can't do it.

367
01:28:30,615 --> 01:28:33,527
Why should I?
To keep a promise I made to men?

368
01:28:35,255 --> 01:28:37,132
It would be madness.

369
01:28:39,695 --> 01:28:41,174
To God?

370
01:28:43,654 --> 01:28:45,451
But God is everywhere.

371
01:28:46,974 --> 01:28:48,532
He is in me.

372
01:28:50,614 --> 01:28:52,844
I'm taking him with me.

373
01:29:04,013 --> 01:29:05,844
What will you do?

374
01:29:08,653 --> 01:29:09,642
I don't know.

375
01:29:12,573 --> 01:29:15,610
I'm going to go in
the opposite direction to this place,

376
01:29:17,413 --> 01:29:19,642
opposite to everyone in here.

377
01:30:35,288 --> 01:30:37,199
Who am I?

378
01:30:41,728 --> 01:30:44,526
Tell me who I am.

379
01:30:55,447 --> 01:30:57,642
Tell me why I'm here.

380
01:31:09,727 --> 01:31:11,603
Who am I?

381
01:31:24,806 --> 01:31:26,125
I pretend...

382
01:31:28,886 --> 01:31:30,796
I pretend...

383
01:31:31,245 --> 01:31:32,917
I'm pretending...

384
01:31:37,285 --> 01:31:39,241
I'm pretending !

385
01:31:39,965 --> 01:31:42,001
I'm not able to love.

386
01:32:26,682 --> 01:32:29,150
I'm not able to love.

387
01:33:06,520 --> 01:33:08,431
It's not me you're looking for.

388
01:33:13,520 --> 01:33:15,317
It's not me.

389
01:33:21,319 --> 01:33:23,196
Do you understand?
It's not me.

390
01:33:29,399 --> 01:33:30,957
I'm worthless.

391
01:33:49,758 --> 01:33:52,226
I don't believe in anything.

392
01:34:50,795 --> 01:34:52,513
I'm coming with you.

393
01:34:53,395 --> 01:34:55,703
We're leaving tonight.

394
01:35:09,714 --> 01:35:11,193
Father.

395
01:35:11,714 --> 01:35:13,192
Andrea...

396
01:35:16,233 --> 01:35:17,985
I'm sorry.

397
01:35:19,553 --> 01:35:22,829
Accepting who we are
is the first charity.

398
01:35:26,753 --> 01:35:28,584
I'm sorry, Father.

399
01:35:30,992 --> 01:35:32,584
Andrea,

400
01:35:34,352 --> 01:35:37,025
make up your mind
that today is not the end,

401
01:35:37,232 --> 01:35:39,871
but a new beginning.

402
01:37:49,225 --> 01:37:51,181
Why did you come to me?

403
01:37:54,665 --> 01:37:57,418
To tell me that you want to be free?

404
01:37:58,985 --> 01:38:01,544
You have always been free here.

405
01:38:02,904 --> 01:38:05,134
You look at me with pride.

406
01:38:06,784 --> 01:38:09,059
You should know that I, too,

407
01:38:09,544 --> 01:38:12,775
spent some time chasing after
the freedom you say you love.

408
01:38:16,864 --> 01:38:20,378
Your freedom is a desperate freedom,

409
01:38:21,903 --> 01:38:24,781
shouting against
the emptiness in the heavens.

410
01:38:30,343 --> 01:38:33,062
But Christ did not descend
from the Cross.

411
01:38:36,183 --> 01:38:40,653
He wasn't forcing man to believe,
to be a slave to an almighty god.

412
01:38:48,702 --> 01:38:52,297
He let Himself be killed,
to give man the freedom

413
01:38:52,902 --> 01:38:55,052
to believe or not.

414
01:38:57,581 --> 01:38:59,492
To love Him.

415
01:39:00,701 --> 01:39:02,657
Or reject Him.

416
01:39:10,541 --> 01:39:13,658
What He was asking
was unconstrained faith,

417
01:39:13,860 --> 01:39:15,771
unconstrained love.

418
01:39:19,820 --> 01:39:22,698
But Christ had
too much faith in humanity.

419
01:39:27,580 --> 01:39:30,253
Humanity doesn't want to be free,

420
01:39:30,820 --> 01:39:32,696
but to be slaves.

421
01:39:39,339 --> 01:39:41,330
And so we,

422
01:39:42,339 --> 01:39:44,330
we above all others,

423
01:39:44,939 --> 01:39:47,134
have chosen His freedom.

424
01:39:48,019 --> 01:39:49,691
We,

425
01:39:52,458 --> 01:39:56,417
and we alone,
have the right to teach

426
01:39:56,618 --> 01:40:00,770
that it is not the freedom of choice
your heart desires that counts.

427
01:40:06,218 --> 01:40:08,732
Not the love you desire,

428
01:40:12,217 --> 01:40:14,128
but the mystery.

429
01:40:20,497 --> 01:40:24,410
The terrifying mystery...
of a weak God.

430
01:44:52,442 --> 01:44:57,232
I was created to carry out a plan
for which no one else was created.

431
01:44:58,562 --> 01:45:01,030
I occupy a place in the eyes of God,

432
01:45:01,242 --> 01:45:03,039
in God's world,

433
01:45:03,242 --> 01:45:05,597
that no one else occupies.

434
01:45:07,521 --> 01:45:09,557
It doesn't matter if I am rich,

435
01:45:10,401 --> 01:45:14,155
poor, admired or
scorned by other men.

436
01:45:15,521 --> 01:45:17,910
God knows me and calls me by name.

437
01:45:20,281 --> 01:45:24,035
He has entrusted me with a task
entrusted to no one else.

438
01:45:24,721 --> 01:45:26,711
I have a mission

439
01:45:26,920 --> 01:45:30,037
and in some way
I am necessary in His plan.

440
01:45:30,920 --> 01:45:33,309
God did not make me in vain.

441
01:45:53,279 --> 01:45:55,554
IN MEMORY OF MYSELF