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MAN NARRATING:
As the 21st century began,
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human evolution was
at a turning point.
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Natural selection, the process by which
the strongest, the smartest,
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the fastest reproduced
in greater numbers than the rest.
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A process which had once
favored the noblest traits of man,
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now began to favor different traits.
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REPORTER:
The Joey Buttafuoco case
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Most science fiction of the day
predicted a future that was more civilized
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and more intelligent.
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But as time went on, things seemed
to be heading in the opposite direction.
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A dumbing down.
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How did this happen?
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Evolution does not necessarily
reward intelligence.
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With no natural predators
to thin the herd,
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it began to simply reward those
who reproduced the most
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and left the intelligent
to become an endangered species.
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Having kids is such
an important decision.
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We're just waiting
for the right time.
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It's not something you want
to rush into, obviously.
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No way.
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Oh, shit, I'm pregnant again!
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Shit! I got too many damned kids!
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- I thought you was on the pill or some shit!
- Hell, no!
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Shit! I must've been
thinkin' of Brittany.
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- Brittany?
- No, you didn't!
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- There's no way we could have a child now.
- Mm-mm.
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Not with the market the way it is, no.
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God, no. That just
wouldn't make any sense.
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Come on over here, bitch!
He don't care about you!
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Yeah? Well, there must be
somethin' he likes over here.
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- She don't mean nothin' to me, baby!
- Clevon!
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Oh, shit. It wasn't me! It wasn't me!
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Well, we finally decided
to have children...
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and I'm not pointing fingers,
but it's not going well.
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And this is helping.
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I'm just saying that before I have invitro,
maybe you should be willing to...
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It's always me, right?
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Well, it's not my sperm count.
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Yeah! Yeah!
I'm gonna fuck all of y'all!
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That's my boy!
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Whoo! Whoo!
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Clevon is lucky to be alive.
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He attempted to jump
a jet Ski from a lake
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into a swimming pool and impaled
his crotch on an iron gate.
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But thanks to recent advances
in stem cell research,
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and the fine work of
Doctors Krinski and Altschuler.
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Clevon should regain
full reproductive function.
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Get your hands off my junk!
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Unfortunately, Trevor passed
away from a heart attack
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while masturbating
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to produce sperm
for artificial insemination.
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But I have some eggs frozen
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so just as soon as the right guy
comes along, you know
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NARRATOR:
And so it went for generations...
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although few, if any, seemed to notice.
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But in the year 2005, in a military base
just outside of Washington, DC,
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a simple Army librarian was unknowingly
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about to change the entire
course of human history.
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ON TV: Come on, asshole!
Go on! Take him to jail!
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Hey, Bauers.
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This is Peterson, your new replacement.
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- My what? I'm gettin' replaced?
- Yeah, they didn't tell you?
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- No.
- Some new assignment.
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They're being all weird
and hush-hush about it.
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I don't want a new assignment.
I tell Sergeant Metsler that every time.
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- I'm good at this.
- Good at what? Sittin' on ass?
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No one ever comes in here.
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Yeah, I know. It's perfect for me.
No one bothers me. I can't screw up.
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If I can just stay in here another
eight years, I get my pension.
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I'm all set. Can you just
get me out of this?
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No way. Not this time.
It's coming from high up.
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Jesus. I don't understand. Why me?
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Every time Metsler says,
"Lead, follow, or get out of the way,"
I get out of the way.
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When he says that, you're not supposed
to choose "get out of the way."
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It's supposed to embarrass you
into leading or at least following.
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That doesn't embarrass me.
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Look, Joe. You don't have a choice.
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You're just gonna have to follow.
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Like, follow me upstairs, like, now.
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Right now? Shouldn't I train this guy?
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I think he can figure out how to sit
on his ass and watch TV all day. Let's go.
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MAN: Gentlemen, meet Joe Bauers...
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our first subject for the
Human Hibernation Experiment.
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Now, as you know,
throughout the years,
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many of our best pilots,
soldiers and military leaders
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often go their entire careers
without ever seeing battle.
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With the Human Hibernation Project,
we will be able to save our best men
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frozen in their prime,
for use when they are needed most.
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Joe, here, is not one of our best men.
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Mr. Bauers was chosen primarily
for how remarkably average he is.
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Extremely average in every
category. Remarkable, truly.
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The most average person
in our entire armed forces.
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Additionally,
he has no family, is unmarried,
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is an only child,
and both parents are deceased,
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making him an ideal candidate,
with no one to ask any nosy questions
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should something go wrong
with the experiment.
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We had a little less luck in finding a
female researcher's dream within our ranks,
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and were forced to look
into the private sector.
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This is Rita. Like Joe,
she has no immediate family.
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Rita agreed to participate
in this experiment
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in exchange for dropping of certain
criminal charges and a small fee.
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We did, however, have to come
to an arrangement with her pimp,
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a gentleman who goes by the name
Upgrayedd, which he spells thusly-
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With two D's, as he says,
for a double dose of this pimping.
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Upgrayedd agreed to loan us
Rita for exactly one year
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and keep quiet on the matter,
in exchange for certain leeways
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with the local authorities
in running his pimp game.
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First, however, there was the difficult
challenge of gaining his trust.
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Collins, could we skip
to the technicals, please?
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Sure. Let me just finish here.
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You see, a pimp's love is very
different from that of a square.
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Collins!
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Fine. We'll move on.
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It is a fascinating world though.
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Jesus, Collins.
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Yeah, that's...
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Anyway, the experiment
in which these two subjects
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are to be placed into a dry freeze
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for exactly one year
is set to begin tomorrow.
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As you know, this is highly classified.
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However, if successful, we believe
humans can be stored indefinitely.
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So this is kinda crazy, huh?
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- What unit are you with?
- Oh, I ain't in the service.
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Oh, private sector. Okay.
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- So, uh, what do you do?
- A little of this, a little of that.
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Wow, that's great.
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You know, I really envy people
that can make a living that way
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doing a little of this
and a little of that.
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I, uh, had a neighbor, Glen.
He used to make chainsaw sculptures,
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and then he'd sell 'em
at the flea market.
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Yeah.
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So, uh, you an artist or somethin'?
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- Uh, yeah.
- You do paintings or-
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- Yeah, paintings.
- Okay, great.
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- Mm-hmm.
- What do you paint mostly?
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I don't know, just...
people and fruit and shit.
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Wow. Well, must be great to be able
to make a living doing something you love.
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Yeah. It's not all it's cracked up to be.
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COLLINS: Ok, who wants to go first?
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Me.
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What the f- Oh, hell, no. Uh-uh.
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Hey, no. You probably don't want to do
that with the I.V.s attached and all.
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- What's the matter?
- Man, Upgrayedd didn't tell me
they'd be putting me
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in no damned coffin
with tubes and shit!
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Oh, no, don't worry about it.
It'll be safe. Trust me.
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Who's Upgrayedd?
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He's my boyfriend.
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Man, how do you know
this shit's safe?
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These guys know what they're doing.
Don't worry.
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They've tested it on
dogs and everything.
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What happens is, the drugs will
kick in, we drift off to sleep...
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We wake up in a year,
you'll be paintin' again.
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- It'll be fine.
- All right.
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Upgrayedd. That's an
interesting name. Is he Dutch?
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See, 'cause I knew this,
uh, Dutch exchange student.
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His name was Untgrad.
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COLLINS: Okay, my niggas,
we're almost set here.
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Just go ahead and lie down. Relax.
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See you in a year.
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NARRATOR:
The Human Hibernation Project
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was one of the Army's most
ambitious experiments,
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and one of its most secretive.
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But it was not immune
from human error.
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Freeze!
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Soon after Collins's arrest
and the massive scandal that followed,
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the base was closed.
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It hadn't even been a year,
and the entire project was simply forgotten.
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Things looked bleak for Joe,
but they were even worse for mankind.
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As Joe and Rita lay dormant,
the years passed
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and mankind became stupider
at a frightening rate.
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Some had high hopes
that genetic engineering
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would correct
this trend in evolution.
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But sadly, the greatest
minds and resources
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were focused on conquering hair loss
and prolonging erections.
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Meanwhile, the population exploded,
and intelligence continued to decline
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until humanity was incapable
of solving even its most basic problems.
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Like garbage, which had been stacked
for centuries with no plan whatsoever...
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Leading to the Great Garbage
Avalanche of 2505...
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which would set in motion the events
that would change the world forever.
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- Hold on.
MAN ON TV: Next, on The Violence Channel...
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...an all-new "Ow! My Balls!"
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All right.
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00:12:02,336 --> 00:12:04,724
MAN WATCHING TV:
That guy got hit in the balls.
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00:12:04,830 --> 00:12:07,256
Ow, my balls!
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00:12:11,073 --> 00:12:12,895
Huh?
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00:12:20,318 --> 00:12:22,706
JOE: Where's-
MAN: Hold on.
TV: Shut up!
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00:12:34,656 --> 00:12:36,862
- Where's Officer Collins?
- Shut up!
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00:12:36,958 --> 00:12:40,439
MAN ON TV: Next week on "Ow! My Balls!",
Hormel goes to Paris!
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00:12:40,544 --> 00:12:45,081
- Are we on base?
- I'm gonna base your ass on my fist.
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00:12:45,186 --> 00:12:48,485
In your face, ass! Shut up.
191
00:12:48,581 --> 00:12:50,614
I'm sorry. It's just-
Where am I?
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00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:52,830
Shut up! I told you already!
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00:12:59,744 --> 00:13:02,775
Yeah! Wouldn't shut up!
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00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:04,472
Come in here and not shut up.
195
00:13:04,578 --> 00:13:07,992
Yeah, you were like,
"I'm not shuttin' up, "and I was like-"
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NARRATOR:
Unaware of what year it was,
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00:13:24,958 --> 00:13:27,835
Joe wandered the streets,
desperate for help.
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00:13:27,940 --> 00:13:30,204
But the English language
had deteriorated
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00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:35,191
into a hybrid of hillbilly, valley girl,
inner-city slang and various grunts.
200
00:13:35,296 --> 00:13:38,595
Joe was able to understand them,
201
00:13:38,691 --> 00:13:41,923
but when he spoke
in an ordinary voice,
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00:13:42,019 --> 00:13:44,503
he sounded pompous
and faggy to them.
203
00:14:00,068 --> 00:14:03,290
MAN ON PA: Paging Doc.
204
00:14:06,753 --> 00:14:09,572
Report to, uh-
205
00:14:09,668 --> 00:14:13,888
Dr. Lueboo...
206
00:14:13,984 --> 00:14:15,163
...uh, report.
207
00:14:15,269 --> 00:14:18,012
Your floor-
Your floor is now clean.
208
00:14:18,117 --> 00:14:20,256
Your floor-
Your floor is now clean.
209
00:14:20,352 --> 00:14:22,625
Your floor-
Your floor is now clean.
210
00:14:22,721 --> 00:14:27,640
Hi, uh, I was in an Army experiment,
and I'm not feeling so well.
211
00:14:27,746 --> 00:14:30,230
I think it might have been
the drugs they had me on.
212
00:14:30,335 --> 00:14:32,378
I've been hallucinating.
213
00:14:32,484 --> 00:14:34,852
My head is just killin' me.
214
00:14:34,948 --> 00:14:37,845
My-My-My joints are all achy and I-
215
00:14:39,523 --> 00:14:41,345
Is this a hospital or-
216
00:14:41,441 --> 00:14:45,402
Actually, I don't even know where I am.
217
00:14:45,507 --> 00:14:47,646
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Please proceed to
the diagnostic area on the right
218
00:14:47,742 --> 00:14:51,904
and have a healthy day!
- Oh. Thanks.
219
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:53,688
Thank you!
220
00:15:04,352 --> 00:15:08,285
Uh, 'scuse me. I think this
might be Gatorade or somethin'.
221
00:15:08,390 --> 00:15:11,171
- I was just looking for some regular water.
- Water?
222
00:15:11,267 --> 00:15:14,163
- Yeah.
- You mean like in the toilet? What for?
223
00:15:14,269 --> 00:15:17,060
You know, just to drink.
224
00:15:24,895 --> 00:15:26,689
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
You've got hepatitis!
225
00:15:26,784 --> 00:15:29,431
Oh, is someone not feeling well?
226
00:15:29,537 --> 00:15:32,951
Your illness is very important to us.
227
00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:35,809
MAN: Next.
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
- Welcome to the Health master Inferno,
228
00:15:35,905 --> 00:15:37,852
powered by Jormi Technology.
- Uh, this goes in your mouth.
229
00:15:37,957 --> 00:15:43,165
This one goes in your ear.
And this one goes in your butt.
230
00:15:45,821 --> 00:15:46,972
Come on.
231
00:15:47,078 --> 00:15:49,859
- Hurry up, asshole!
- Come on!
232
00:15:51,585 --> 00:15:53,724
Shit. Hang on a second.
233
00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:57,761
This one- No.
234
00:15:57,857 --> 00:15:59,612
- Hey, come on.
- Uh-
235
00:15:59,718 --> 00:16:02,777
- Hurry up!
- This one. This one goes in your mouth.
236
00:16:05,060 --> 00:16:06,882
Come on!
237
00:16:12,195 --> 00:16:15,091
ELECTRONIC VOICE: Thank you for waiting.
Dr. Lexus will be with you shortly.
238
00:16:20,414 --> 00:16:23,099
That's a weird misprint.
239
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:28,096
Hey. How's it hang, esé?
240
00:16:28,192 --> 00:16:31,740
Yeah. Right.
Well, not so good, you know.
241
00:16:31,846 --> 00:16:34,713
I don't really know what's going on,
but I'm seein' things.
242
00:16:34,819 --> 00:16:37,600
I think it might be because of
these drugs the Army put me on.
243
00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:41,244
But, if you could, uh, just get me
well enough to get back to base-
244
00:16:41,350 --> 00:16:43,901
Right. Kick ass.
245
00:16:43,997 --> 00:16:46,999
Well, don't wanna sound
like a dick or nothin'...
246
00:16:47,104 --> 00:16:49,818
but, uh, it says on your chart,
you fucked up.
247
00:16:49,924 --> 00:16:53,271
You talk like a fag,
and your shit's all retarded.
248
00:16:53,376 --> 00:16:57,567
What I'd do is just like,
like, you know...
249
00:16:57,663 --> 00:17:00,962
Like, you know what I mean? Like-
250
00:17:01,058 --> 00:17:05,153
- No, I'm serious here.
- Don't worry, scrot.
251
00:17:05,249 --> 00:17:08,155
Now there are plenty of 'tards
out there living really kick-ass lives.
252
00:17:08,260 --> 00:17:11,483
My first wife was 'tarded.
She's a pilot now.
253
00:17:11,588 --> 00:17:15,290
I need for you to be serious
for a second here, okay? I need help.
254
00:17:15,396 --> 00:17:17,084
There's that fag talk
we talked about.
255
00:17:17,189 --> 00:17:20,862
All right, so that'll be...
this many dollars.
256
00:17:20,958 --> 00:17:24,852
And if you could just go ahead and,
like, put your tattoo in that shit.
257
00:17:24,957 --> 00:17:28,736
That's weird. This thing has
the same misprint as that magazine.
258
00:17:28,832 --> 00:17:32,726
- What are the odds of-
- Where's your tattoo? Tattoo?
259
00:17:32,831 --> 00:17:35,488
Why don't you have this?
260
00:17:38,077 --> 00:17:39,899
Oh, God.
261
00:17:42,469 --> 00:17:44,857
- Where's your tattoo?
- Oh, my God.
262
00:17:44,963 --> 00:17:47,332
Why come you don't
have a tattoo?
263
00:17:48,866 --> 00:17:51,801
JOE: Oh, my God!
- You're not unscannable, are you?
264
00:17:52,990 --> 00:17:55,100
Oh, my God!
265
00:17:55,205 --> 00:17:58,495
You're unscannable.
266
00:17:58,591 --> 00:18:01,276
Unscannable!
No! No, you don't understand!
267
00:18:01,382 --> 00:18:03,837
You gotta let me talk to someone
in the Army! Wait a second.
268
00:18:03,933 --> 00:18:06,656
They're all dead.
Everybody I know's dead!
269
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,411
Oh, my God! Oh!
270
00:18:10,397 --> 00:18:13,437
- No! Stop! Calm down!
- Calm down! Calm down!
271
00:18:13,533 --> 00:18:15,614
- How'd this happen?
- How did it happen?
272
00:18:15,710 --> 00:18:18,807
Your floor is now clean.
273
00:18:18,913 --> 00:18:21,080
Your floor-
Your floor is now clean.
274
00:18:40,645 --> 00:18:44,414
NARRATOR:
Joe had awakened to a world in crisis.
275
00:18:44,510 --> 00:18:47,607
The economy was
in a state of deep neglect.
276
00:18:47,713 --> 00:18:51,031
A great dust bowl
had ravaged food supplies.
277
00:18:51,137 --> 00:18:55,778
And the number one movie
in the country was called Ass.
278
00:18:57,505 --> 00:19:00,506
And that's all it was
for 90 minutes.
279
00:19:02,597 --> 00:19:07,479
It won eight Oscars that year,
including best screenplay.
280
00:19:11,392 --> 00:19:14,365
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Enjoy your Extra Big-Ass Fries.
281
00:19:14,461 --> 00:19:17,338
You didn't gimme no fries.
I got an empty box.
282
00:19:17,443 --> 00:19:20,157
Would you like another
Extra Big-Ass Fries?
283
00:19:20,253 --> 00:19:21,884
I said I didn't get any.
284
00:19:21,989 --> 00:19:23,773
ELECTRONIC VOICE: Thank you.
Your account has been charged.
285
00:19:23,869 --> 00:19:25,691
Your balance is zero.
286
00:19:25,796 --> 00:19:29,143
- Please come back when you
can afford to make a purchase.
- What? Oh, no. No!
287
00:19:29,249 --> 00:19:31,071
I'm sorry you're having trouble.
288
00:19:31,167 --> 00:19:33,593
- Come on! My kids are starvin'.
I'm sorry you're having trouble.
289
00:19:36,001 --> 00:19:38,389
This should help you calm down.
290
00:19:38,494 --> 00:19:41,247
Please come back when you
can afford to make a purchase.
291
00:19:41,342 --> 00:19:46,329
Your kids are starving. Carl's Jr.
believes no child should go hungry.
292
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:51,192
You are an unfit mother. Your children
will be placed in the custody of Carl's Jr.
293
00:19:51,297 --> 00:19:54,203
Carl's Jr. "Fuck you. I'm eating."
294
00:19:55,488 --> 00:19:57,243
Welcome to Carl's Jr.
295
00:19:57,349 --> 00:20:00,792
Would you like to try
our Extra Big-Ass Taco
296
00:20:00,897 --> 00:20:03,352
now with more molecules?
297
00:20:03,458 --> 00:20:06,325
Hey! Is this particular
individual the unfit mother?
298
00:20:06,431 --> 00:20:10,210
- Me? No.
- Okay. This particular individual
is unscannable.
299
00:20:13,441 --> 00:20:15,609
Listen, I can explain, okay?
I was in an Army experiment.
300
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:20,893
Wait a second. There's the other
pod from the Army experiment.
301
00:20:20,989 --> 00:20:23,166
There was a girl.
She was from the same experiment.
302
00:20:23,262 --> 00:20:26,494
Yeah, that's enough of your bullshit, sir.
303
00:20:26,590 --> 00:20:28,537
NARRATOR: Joe was arrested for
not paying his hospital bill
304
00:20:28,642 --> 00:20:31,932
and not having his U.P.C. tattoo.
305
00:20:32,037 --> 00:20:37,120
He would soon discover that
in the future, justice was not only blind,
306
00:20:37,216 --> 00:20:40,860
but had become
rather retarded as well.
307
00:20:40,956 --> 00:20:43,805
You shut up! Now!
308
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:48,063
I'm fixin' to commensurate
this trial here.
309
00:20:48,159 --> 00:20:52,599
We gonna see if we can't
come up with a verdict up in here.
310
00:20:52,705 --> 00:20:56,694
Now, since y'all
say you ain't got no money,
311
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:59,993
we have "proprietarily"
obtained for you
312
00:21:00,099 --> 00:21:03,772
one of them court-appointed lawyers.
313
00:21:03,877 --> 00:21:08,692
So, put your hands together
and give it up for Frito Pendejo.
314
00:21:08,797 --> 00:21:10,456
You're my lawyer?.
315
00:21:10,562 --> 00:21:14,715
Says here you, uh,
robbed a hospital?
316
00:21:14,820 --> 00:21:17,122
- Why'd you do that?
- Yeah. I'm not guilty.
317
00:21:17,218 --> 00:21:19,903
- That's not what the other lawyer said.
- What do you mean what the-
318
00:21:19,999 --> 00:21:21,888
Listen, you gotta get me
on the stand, okay?
319
00:21:21,984 --> 00:21:24,852
I can explain everything. We can take 'em
to your house, show 'em the pod.
320
00:21:24,957 --> 00:21:27,134
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
321
00:21:27,230 --> 00:21:30,529
Now, prosecutor,
why you think he done it?
322
00:21:30,625 --> 00:21:33,531
Okay, number one, Your Honor,
just look at him.
323
00:21:36,063 --> 00:21:38,930
He talks like a fag too.
324
00:21:39,045 --> 00:21:42,584
And "B," we've got all this,
like, evidence...
325
00:21:42,690 --> 00:21:45,500
of how, like, this guy didn't
even pay at the hospital.
326
00:21:45,605 --> 00:21:48,415
And I heard that he doesn't
even have his tattoo.
327
00:21:48,511 --> 00:21:50,688
I know!
328
00:21:50,784 --> 00:21:54,169
And I'm all, "You've gotta be shittin' me."
But check this out, man.
329
00:21:54,275 --> 00:21:57,056
Judge should be like, "Guilty."
Peace.
330
00:22:01,957 --> 00:22:05,112
- Objection!
- What are you objectifyin' on?
331
00:22:05,218 --> 00:22:07,385
- Come on. just get me on the stand.
- Okay.
332
00:22:08,382 --> 00:22:11,001
- Um, Your Honor?
- Hmm?
333
00:22:11,106 --> 00:22:12,861
I object...
334
00:22:12,957 --> 00:22:16,793
that this guy also broke
my apartment to shit.
335
00:22:16,899 --> 00:22:18,807
- Yeah.
- What?
336
00:22:18,913 --> 00:22:23,257
And you know what else? I object that
he's not gonna have any money to pay me
337
00:22:23,363 --> 00:22:26,364
after he pays back all the money
he stole from the hospital!
338
00:22:26,460 --> 00:22:28,378
Don't say I stole.
You're my lawyer.
339
00:22:28,484 --> 00:22:30,335
And I object.
340
00:22:30,431 --> 00:22:34,142
I object that he interrupted me
while I was watching Ow! My Balls!
341
00:22:34,238 --> 00:22:38,515
That is not okay! And I rest my case!
342
00:22:38,621 --> 00:22:40,923
Your Honor, I'm pretty sure
we have a mistrial here, sir.
343
00:22:41,028 --> 00:22:44,251
I'm gonna mistrial my foot up
your ass, you don't shut up.
344
00:22:44,356 --> 00:22:46,715
- Please, listen.
- "Please, listen."
345
00:22:46,821 --> 00:22:48,470
I didn't steal anything.
346
00:22:48,576 --> 00:22:50,398
I was part of an Army experiment
347
00:22:50,494 --> 00:22:53,371
NARRATOR: Joe stated his case
logically and passionately,
348
00:22:53,476 --> 00:22:58,358
but his perceived effeminate voice
only drew big gales of stupid laughter.
349
00:22:58,464 --> 00:23:00,056
Guilty!
350
00:23:00,161 --> 00:23:04,601
Without adequate legal representation,
Joe was given a stiff sentence.
351
00:23:04,707 --> 00:23:09,214
Meanwhile, Rita had awakened to find
that the world's oldest profession
352
00:23:09,310 --> 00:23:12,418
was a lot easier when
the world is populated by morons.
353
00:23:12,418 --> 00:23:13,242
was a lot easier when
the world is populated by morons.
354
00:23:13,348 --> 00:23:16,925
FEMALE VOICE: Welcome to AOL, Time Warner,
Taco Bell, U.S. Government long distance.
355
00:23:17,021 --> 00:23:19,294
Please say the name
of the person you wish to call.
356
00:23:19,390 --> 00:23:21,145
Upgrayedd.
357
00:23:22,238 --> 00:23:26,611
There are 9,726 listings
for Upgrayedd.
358
00:23:26,717 --> 00:23:28,894
Please deposit $2,000
to begin connection.
359
00:23:28,990 --> 00:23:30,812
- Man, what?
- Oh, yeah, baby.
360
00:23:30,917 --> 00:23:33,277
Hey, look, can you just-
Can you wait a second, please?
361
00:23:33,373 --> 00:23:37,564
Oh, yeah, baby.
I can wait so good.
362
00:23:38,561 --> 00:23:40,412
Really?
363
00:23:41,668 --> 00:23:43,903
Think, uh, you think maybe
you could wait a day?
364
00:23:43,999 --> 00:23:46,041
Baby, I can wait two days.
365
00:23:46,147 --> 00:23:50,520
Huh. That's good,
'cause I charge by the hour.
366
00:23:50,626 --> 00:23:54,404
Oh, yeah? Well, you gonna
be glad you waited, baby.
367
00:23:54,500 --> 00:23:56,322
Thank you very much, young man.
368
00:23:58,499 --> 00:24:00,091
What the fuck?
369
00:24:00,197 --> 00:24:02,614
God damned, shit's changed in a year.
370
00:24:04,541 --> 00:24:06,364
What are we doin' here?
371
00:24:06,469 --> 00:24:08,857
Okay, sir, we're engaged
in procuring your tattoo.
372
00:24:11,744 --> 00:24:14,774
ELECTRONIC VOICE: Welcome to
the Identity Processing Program of America.
373
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:19,349
Please insert your forearm
into the forearm receptacle.
374
00:24:20,413 --> 00:24:22,236
Thank you.
375
00:24:22,341 --> 00:24:26,129
Please speak your name as it appears
on your current federal identity card
376
00:24:26,244 --> 00:24:29,505
- Document number G24L8.
- Well-well, I'm not sure if-
377
00:24:29,601 --> 00:24:33,428
You have entered the name "Not Sure."
Is this correct, Not Sure?
378
00:24:33,533 --> 00:24:35,355
No, it's not correct.
379
00:24:35,461 --> 00:24:38,904
Thank you. "Not" is correct.
Is "Sure" correct?
380
00:24:39,009 --> 00:24:40,947
No, it's not. My name is Joe.
381
00:24:41,052 --> 00:24:42,817
You've already confirmed
your first name is Not.
382
00:24:42,913 --> 00:24:46,394
- Please confirm your last name, "Sure."
- My...
383
00:24:46,499 --> 00:24:48,801
My last name is not Sure.
384
00:24:48,897 --> 00:24:51,419
- Thank you, Not Sure.
- No. What I mean is my name is Joe Bau-.
385
00:24:51,525 --> 00:24:56,636
Confirmation is complete. Please wait
while I tattoo your new identity on your arm.
386
00:24:58,660 --> 00:25:01,374
Wait a second. Can we start over?
Can I cancel this?
387
00:25:01,470 --> 00:25:03,810
Can we cancel this and just
go back to the beginning?
388
00:25:03,906 --> 00:25:07,004
They're gonna tattoo.
Could I speak to your supervisor?
389
00:25:07,109 --> 00:25:10,005
- Ow!
- Please hold still for your photograph.
390
00:25:19,135 --> 00:25:21,591
Oh, that's fuckin' great.
391
00:25:24,036 --> 00:25:25,858
Okay, sir...
392
00:25:25,954 --> 00:25:30,107
Now we will begin to proceed
to obtain your IQ and "apitude" tests.
393
00:25:30,212 --> 00:25:32,063
What for?
394
00:25:32,159 --> 00:25:36,216
Okay, sir, this is to figure out
what your "aptude's" good at
395
00:25:36,321 --> 00:25:41,241
and get you a jail job while you're
being a particular individual in jail.
396
00:25:41,347 --> 00:25:44,157
ELECTRONIC VOICE: If you have
one bucket that holds two gallons
397
00:25:44,253 --> 00:25:46,708
and another bucket
that holds five gallons,
398
00:25:46,813 --> 00:25:49,470
how many buckets do you have?
399
00:25:51,330 --> 00:25:53,153
Two?
400
00:25:53,249 --> 00:25:55,138
Thank you.
401
00:26:33,471 --> 00:26:35,360
'Too.
402
00:26:45,852 --> 00:26:47,933
[No Audible Dialogue]
403
00:26:56,958 --> 00:26:59,518
NARRATOR: Desperate and scared,
404
00:26:59,614 --> 00:27:02,299
Joe used his superior intelligence
405
00:27:02,405 --> 00:27:05,186
to come up with the best
escape plan he could think of.
406
00:27:05,282 --> 00:27:10,681
Hi. Excuse me. I'm actually supposed
to be getting out of prison today, sir.
407
00:27:11,842 --> 00:27:13,817
Yeah.
408
00:27:13,923 --> 00:27:16,733
You're in the wrong line,
dumb ass. Over there.
409
00:27:16,829 --> 00:27:19,994
I'm sorry. I am being
a big dumb ass. Sorry.
410
00:27:20,099 --> 00:27:21,691
Hey, uh, let this dumb ass through.
411
00:27:38,052 --> 00:27:40,632
- 'Too.
- Yeah. Got it.
412
00:27:42,944 --> 00:27:48,094
Uh, yeah, I don't see you in here.
So, you're gonna have to, uh, stay in prison.
413
00:27:48,189 --> 00:27:50,012
Could you check again?
414
00:27:50,117 --> 00:27:53,052
'Cause, I was, you know
I was definitely in prison, okay?
415
00:27:53,148 --> 00:27:56,926
I got sat on my face and everything.
Maybe check those files back there?
416
00:28:03,237 --> 00:28:07,322
ELECTRONIC VOICE: "Excape. Excape."
417
00:28:07,428 --> 00:28:09,883
"Excape. Excape."
418
00:28:09,988 --> 00:28:13,594
"Excape. Excape."
419
00:28:30,243 --> 00:28:32,066
MAN ON TV: The Masturbation Network.
420
00:28:32,161 --> 00:28:35,509
Keepin' America 'batin' for 300 years.
421
00:28:35,614 --> 00:28:38,203
And now, Sweet Bang Tube.
422
00:28:38,309 --> 00:28:42,874
Oh, yeah, give me some. Cut me a piece.
423
00:28:42,979 --> 00:28:44,888
Oh, yeah, that's-
424
00:28:44,993 --> 00:28:46,816
Go away! 'Batin'!
425
00:28:48,830 --> 00:28:50,939
Damn it.
426
00:28:51,045 --> 00:28:53,433
All right.
427
00:28:55,361 --> 00:28:58,171
Hey. Hey, get out of here.
Hey, get out of here!
428
00:28:58,276 --> 00:29:02,199
No, wait, listen. You let me,
an innocent man, get thrown in jail.
429
00:29:02,304 --> 00:29:05,536
So? Shut up, you broke my house.
430
00:29:05,632 --> 00:29:08,452
Hey, I could have you disbarred
disbarred for what you did to me.
431
00:29:08,547 --> 00:29:11,098
Then maybe you'd go to jail
for not havin' any money.
432
00:29:11,204 --> 00:29:13,208
Oh, really?
433
00:29:13,314 --> 00:29:16,479
Yeah, really. Now, look.
Okay, here's the deal.
434
00:29:16,575 --> 00:29:18,483
I've been thinking.
It's been 500 years.
435
00:29:18,589 --> 00:29:21,437
Someone has to have invented a way
to travel back in time by now.
436
00:29:21,533 --> 00:29:24,314
You know, I think they were
pretty close even in my day. You know?
437
00:29:24,420 --> 00:29:26,242
- With Einstein and guys like that?
- Uh-huh.
438
00:29:26,338 --> 00:29:28,793
- You know, scientists? You know?
- Uh.
439
00:29:30,078 --> 00:29:31,900
A time machine, for time travel.
440
00:29:31,996 --> 00:29:34,518
- Do they have one?
- What?
441
00:29:38,652 --> 00:29:42,402
Jesus. I knew that was
too much to hope for.
442
00:29:43,457 --> 00:29:45,499
No, no, they got a time machine.
443
00:29:45,605 --> 00:29:47,427
- They do?
- Yeah.
444
00:29:47,523 --> 00:29:49,345
- Are-Are-Are you sure?
- Yeah.
445
00:29:49,441 --> 00:29:53,114
- Can it get me back to 2005?
- Oh, yeah, but it's, like, really expensive.
446
00:29:53,220 --> 00:29:56,317
And it breaks all the time 'cause
some smart guy made it a long time ago.
447
00:29:56,413 --> 00:29:58,485
I don't care.
Just get me there, okay?
448
00:29:58,590 --> 00:30:00,000
Please!
449
00:30:00,096 --> 00:30:03,194
Listen, I-I "supersize" with you,
450
00:30:03,299 --> 00:30:05,946
but didn't you go to jail
for not havin' enough money?
451
00:30:06,051 --> 00:30:10,012
Okay, how about this? You get me
to the time machine, and when I get back,
452
00:30:10,108 --> 00:30:12,026
I open a savings account in your name.
453
00:30:12,132 --> 00:30:14,549
That way, 500 years later,
it'll be worth billions.
454
00:30:14,654 --> 00:30:16,121
- Billions!
- 'Cause?
455
00:30:16,227 --> 00:30:18,941
'Cause of the interest,
it'll be worth billions of dollars.
456
00:30:19,037 --> 00:30:21,492
- Oh, I-I like money.
- Yeah.
457
00:30:21,598 --> 00:30:24,465
- How many billions?
- Like, 10.
458
00:30:24,580 --> 00:30:27,611
Yeah, suck one.
Time machine costs, like, 20.
459
00:30:27,716 --> 00:30:30,392
Yeah? Okay. Uh, 30, Frito.
460
00:30:30,497 --> 00:30:33,528
Thirty billion dollars.
461
00:30:33,633 --> 00:30:37,892
Thirty billion.
So if you gave me 30 billion
462
00:30:37,988 --> 00:30:39,896
and the time machine's 20-
463
00:30:40,002 --> 00:30:41,852
What's the minus of 30 and 20?.
464
00:30:41,948 --> 00:30:44,567
Uh, it's, uh- It's 80, Frito.
465
00:30:44,672 --> 00:30:47,098
It's $80 billion.
That's a mighty big minus, isn't it?
466
00:30:47,204 --> 00:30:50,781
- Yeah. I like money though.
MAN: Police! Open the door!
467
00:30:50,877 --> 00:30:52,949
We're looking for
an "excaped" individual.
468
00:30:53,054 --> 00:30:56,507
- This particular individual's
name is Not Sure.
- Eighty billion.
469
00:30:56,612 --> 00:31:00,439
Oh, um, he-
He's... somewhere else.
470
00:31:00,544 --> 00:31:04,697
- You got something I can wear?
- Yeah. There's Pro-Wear on the top,
assorted in the middle.
471
00:31:04,802 --> 00:31:06,835
POLICEMAN: A Coke machine
in the vicinity caught his tattoo.
472
00:31:06,941 --> 00:31:09,597
Seemed to be heading
for this particular "domistile."
473
00:31:09,693 --> 00:31:11,995
Okay, sir, we're comin' in.
474
00:31:12,101 --> 00:31:14,297
- No, you can't come in.
- Can too!
475
00:31:14,402 --> 00:31:16,378
Come on! All right,
let's go get my billions.
476
00:31:18,593 --> 00:31:22,487
Oh, okay, one more thing. We gotta
go find this girl, Rita, first, okay?
477
00:31:22,592 --> 00:31:25,239
- Is she bangin'?
- Yeah, sure, she is.
478
00:31:25,345 --> 00:31:27,167
That wasn't really part of the deal.
479
00:31:27,263 --> 00:31:31,003
- Okay, I'll, uh, throw in another
couple billion, all right?
- I like money.
480
00:31:31,109 --> 00:31:34,043
Okay, her pod's up here on the right.
She shouldn't be far away, I hope.
481
00:31:34,149 --> 00:31:38,714
Mmm, girl. Oh, yeah?
So when we gonna do it?
482
00:31:38,819 --> 00:31:42,013
'Cause you been chargin' me by the hour,
and it's been, like, three days.
483
00:31:42,109 --> 00:31:45,945
Oh, yeah. Soon, baby, soon.
Hey, you know what?
484
00:31:46,051 --> 00:31:48,573
Why don't you come back tomorrow?
485
00:31:48,669 --> 00:31:51,191
- Yeah, yeah, baby, yeah!
- Yeah?
486
00:31:51,297 --> 00:31:54,327
When I finally utilize you,
you gonna be paying me.
487
00:31:54,433 --> 00:31:57,751
That's right.
What ever you say, sir.
488
00:31:57,856 --> 00:32:00,225
- Hey, you still on the clock!
- Yeah, girl.
489
00:32:00,321 --> 00:32:03,323
- Thank you!
- Rita!
490
00:32:03,428 --> 00:32:07,130
Rita! It's me, Joe, from the experiment.
Get in the car! Come on.
491
00:32:07,236 --> 00:32:09,432
Oh, yeah! What the hell, man?
492
00:32:09,537 --> 00:32:11,360
Just get in the car.
I'll explain everything.
493
00:32:11,456 --> 00:32:13,844
- Where we going?
- Just get in the car.
494
00:32:13,949 --> 00:32:16,021
- Trust me.
- What happened to those army guys?
495
00:32:18,783 --> 00:32:21,171
Wait a minute.
You got cops after you?
496
00:32:21,276 --> 00:32:24,757
- Yeah.
And you made me get in the car?
I got two strikes, asshole!
497
00:32:24,863 --> 00:32:27,232
Frito, take a right here.
Right, right!
498
00:32:27,328 --> 00:32:29,217
Into that dust storm, Frito.
499
00:32:35,134 --> 00:32:37,110
JOE: They must have
just forgotten about us.
500
00:32:37,215 --> 00:32:40,476
RITA: It's been 500 years?
Oh, hell, no!
501
00:32:40,572 --> 00:32:44,600
Upgrayedd is gonna kill me! He gets mad
when I'm a day late with his money!
502
00:32:44,705 --> 00:32:46,710
So, you owe your boyfriend money?
503
00:32:46,815 --> 00:32:49,203
Well, yeah, he's sort of my manager too.
504
00:32:49,309 --> 00:32:52,953
You know, he helps me sell
the paintings and shit.
505
00:32:53,059 --> 00:32:58,170
Look, Rita, you gotta understand that
Upgrayedd's been dead for a long time now.
506
00:32:58,276 --> 00:33:00,952
- Yeah, man, but you said there
was a time machine, right?
- Yeah.
507
00:33:01,057 --> 00:33:04,443
Yeah, there's a time machine now
that can take us back to the past,
508
00:33:04,548 --> 00:33:06,850
but there was no
time machine back then, so-
509
00:33:06,946 --> 00:33:09,756
Upgrayedd don't care where the time
machine is. Now, then, last week-
510
00:33:09,852 --> 00:33:12,700
He will find a way
to come get his money!
511
00:33:12,796 --> 00:33:15,769
- All I'm saying is you don't
have to worry about it
- You know what?
512
00:33:15,874 --> 00:33:18,329
Last time you told me not to worry
was 500 God damned years ago
513
00:33:18,435 --> 00:33:20,698
when you were trying to tell me
to get into some coffin.
514
00:33:20,804 --> 00:33:22,712
Look, Rita, I don't know
how this happened, okay?
515
00:33:22,818 --> 00:33:25,983
But I'm doing everything I can to get
us back there, okay? I promise you.
516
00:33:26,078 --> 00:33:29,493
ELECTRONIC VOICE: You are harboring
a fugitive by the name of "Not Sure."
517
00:33:29,598 --> 00:33:33,079
Please, pull over and wait for
the police to incarcerate your passenger.
518
00:33:33,185 --> 00:33:35,966
- Aw, hell, no. You know what?
You gotta let me outta here.
- Thank you for your help.
519
00:33:36,062 --> 00:33:38,201
If you don't have one of these,
they're gonna throw you in jail.
520
00:33:38,306 --> 00:33:41,174
Trust me. You don't want to get thrown in the
jail they got around here. I've been in them.
521
00:33:41,279 --> 00:33:43,897
They're bad. You're better off
being with us, as bad as that sounds.
522
00:33:44,003 --> 00:33:47,829
- What are you doing?
Why are we slowing down?
- Turned off my battery.
523
00:33:52,097 --> 00:33:55,415
Look, how far is it?
Can we just take a cab or something?
524
00:33:59,108 --> 00:34:00,316
Oh, shit.
525
00:34:07,941 --> 00:34:10,453
Oh! Oh, shit!
526
00:34:10,559 --> 00:34:12,697
Yeah!
527
00:34:12,803 --> 00:34:15,968
What the hell's wrong with you?
That's your car.
528
00:34:17,119 --> 00:34:20,696
FRITO: Oh, hell, yeah! He's on fire!
529
00:34:20,801 --> 00:34:22,528
Come on! Let's get out of here.
530
00:34:31,619 --> 00:34:33,528
RITA: Hey, how much farther is it?
531
00:34:34,784 --> 00:34:37,498
FRITO: Uh, it's, like, far.
532
00:34:37,604 --> 00:34:40,893
Man, I could really go for
a Star bucks, you know?
533
00:34:40,989 --> 00:34:44,403
Yeah, well, I really don't think
we have time for a hand job, Joe.
534
00:34:49,956 --> 00:34:52,824
Man, he don't seem too bright.
You sure he knows where he's going?
535
00:34:52,929 --> 00:34:55,029
I sure hope so.
He's our only chance.
536
00:34:55,135 --> 00:34:58,520
How'd you hook up
with this guy, anyway?
537
00:34:58,626 --> 00:35:02,711
He's my lawyer.
And he's not a very good one either.
538
00:35:02,817 --> 00:35:05,272
JOE: He's a God damned idiot.
539
00:35:05,377 --> 00:35:09,981
There's a shuttle down in the Costco.
It'll drop us right by the time machine.
540
00:35:27,522 --> 00:35:31,070
Jesus Christ.
Oh, look. One more thing.
541
00:35:31,166 --> 00:35:34,427
He thinks he's gonna get billions
of dollars if he takes us there.
542
00:35:34,532 --> 00:35:38,493
So if he mentions anything about
a savings account, just play along, okay?
543
00:35:38,589 --> 00:35:40,411
Yeah, what if this
time machine don't work?
544
00:35:40,517 --> 00:35:43,672
Then I'll spend the rest
of my life trying to fix it.
545
00:35:48,256 --> 00:35:53,560
Welcome to Costco. I love you.
Welcome to Costco. I love you.
546
00:35:54,624 --> 00:35:56,897
Welcome to Costco. I love you.
547
00:35:58,911 --> 00:36:02,555
Shuttle's down there in electronics,
about an hour from here.
548
00:36:10,180 --> 00:36:12,414
RITA: We've been walking forever.
You sure you know where you're going?
549
00:36:12,510 --> 00:36:15,857
Yeah, I know this place pretty good.
I went to law school here.
550
00:36:15,972 --> 00:36:17,823
In Costco?
551
00:36:17,919 --> 00:36:20,221
Yeah. I couldn't believe it myself.
552
00:36:20,317 --> 00:36:23,837
Luckily, my dad was an alumnus
and pulled some strings.
553
00:36:25,218 --> 00:36:27,903
Hey, come on, Joe.
I already told you,
554
00:36:27,999 --> 00:36:30,972
we'd all like a handjob,
but we don't have time for it.
555
00:36:40,322 --> 00:36:42,145
WOMAN: Hey, baby, wanna go out?
556
00:36:42,241 --> 00:36:44,696
Wanna go out, honey?
557
00:36:51,140 --> 00:36:53,653
Shuttle comes every few minutes.
Shouldn't be long.
558
00:36:53,759 --> 00:36:57,336
Do I got time to use the bathroom?
559
00:36:59,455 --> 00:37:02,045
FRITO: Uh, the toilet.
- Be right back.
560
00:37:02,908 --> 00:37:05,277
Yeah, back that thing up.
561
00:37:05,373 --> 00:37:07,578
- Hey, you mind if I pound on that, Joe?
- What?
562
00:37:07,684 --> 00:37:09,439
- I like having sex with chicks.
- Yeah?
563
00:37:09,535 --> 00:37:11,357
Yeah, I think everybody does, Frito.
564
00:37:11,453 --> 00:37:14,685
Not like I do. Like when you
get it like this, sideways.
565
00:37:14,781 --> 00:37:17,207
Then you just, like,
back it up. And then you-
566
00:37:17,313 --> 00:37:19,413
That's real good.
Then you oh, yeah!
567
00:37:19,518 --> 00:37:21,523
Stop! You're gonna
get us caught, okay?
568
00:37:21,628 --> 00:37:23,450
ELECTRONIC VOICE: Warning! Warning!
569
00:37:23,556 --> 00:37:25,973
Costco has detected a dangerous
fugitive in aisle 16,702.
570
00:37:26,078 --> 00:37:28,418
Hey! What about Rita?
We can't just leave her here.
571
00:37:28,514 --> 00:37:30,653
I don't care. Come on!
572
00:37:30,749 --> 00:37:34,940
Oh, shit.
Wait a second. What are we gonna do?
573
00:37:35,036 --> 00:37:36,896
Wait, okay, I know.
Here's what we do.
574
00:37:36,992 --> 00:37:39,639
We go to the time machine,
then when I get back to the past,
575
00:37:39,745 --> 00:37:41,595
I tell her not
to do the experiment.
576
00:37:41,691 --> 00:37:43,801
- Then she won't even be here.
That'll work, right?.
- Uh...
577
00:37:43,907 --> 00:37:45,796
- No, wait.
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
- Please stand clear of the doors.
578
00:37:45,892 --> 00:37:48,568
She already is here. That must mean
I didn't go back in time, right?
579
00:37:48,673 --> 00:37:51,742
- Uh...
- No, wait, hold on. It just means
I haven't done it yet.
580
00:37:51,838 --> 00:37:54,523
Okay, so I go back and I tell
her not to do the experiment.
581
00:37:54,619 --> 00:37:57,074
Then I won't have to do it either
because she won't be here.
582
00:37:57,180 --> 00:37:59,482
- Then I won't have to come back
and save her, right?.
- I...
583
00:37:59,587 --> 00:38:02,138
- But then, wait. Why am I still here?
- Uh...
584
00:38:02,244 --> 00:38:04,123
God damned, how does
this time travel work?
585
00:38:04,219 --> 00:38:07,931
- Please stand clear.
POLICEMAN: Freeze! Hands up! Don't move!
586
00:38:08,036 --> 00:38:10,616
Put your hands up!
Don't move! Freeze!
587
00:38:20,350 --> 00:38:23,285
Look, if you guys are
taking me back to that jail,
588
00:38:23,390 --> 00:38:26,009
just go ahead and shoot me,
'cause there's no way-
589
00:38:26,114 --> 00:38:29,241
Ow! Fuck! Ow! Ow!
590
00:38:29,346 --> 00:38:33,652
- What?
- Ow! Ow. Ow. Ow.
591
00:38:33,758 --> 00:38:35,618
POLICEMAN: What?
592
00:38:35,714 --> 00:38:37,853
JOE: Ow! God! Hey, stop!
- Damn it.
593
00:38:39,713 --> 00:38:43,262
JOE: What is this?
POLICEMAN: Okay, sir, this is the White House.
594
00:38:43,358 --> 00:38:45,563
- What are we doing at the White House?
- What?
595
00:38:45,659 --> 00:38:47,865
Ow! Ow! God damned!
596
00:38:47,971 --> 00:38:51,289
NARRATOR: It turned out
the results of Joe's IQ test
597
00:38:51,394 --> 00:38:55,317
had caught the attention
of the highest levels of government.
598
00:38:55,422 --> 00:38:59,422
Okay, wait a minute. I'm the smartest
guy in the world? Says who?
599
00:38:59,517 --> 00:39:01,531
The IQ test you took in prison.
600
00:39:01,627 --> 00:39:04,284
You got the highest score in history.
Brought to you by Carl's Jr.
601
00:39:04,380 --> 00:39:07,171
Yeah, dumb ass, you're even
smarter than President Camacho.
602
00:39:07,267 --> 00:39:09,913
That's how come he's making
you secretary of interior.
603
00:39:10,019 --> 00:39:11,899
Okay, so who are you?
604
00:39:12,004 --> 00:39:13,654
I'm the secretary of energy.
605
00:39:13,759 --> 00:39:16,310
He won a contest.
Got to be a cabinet member.
606
00:39:16,416 --> 00:39:20,060
I'm the secretary of state.
Brought to you by Carl's Jr.
607
00:39:20,156 --> 00:39:23,292
- Why do you keep saying that?
- 'Cause they pay me every time I do.
608
00:39:23,388 --> 00:39:27,099
It's a really good way to make money.
You're so smart, why don't you know that?
609
00:39:28,797 --> 00:39:31,252
- He's the secretary of defense.
- Hi.
610
00:39:31,358 --> 00:39:34,206
And, uh, fun bags over there
is the attorney general.
611
00:39:34,302 --> 00:39:36,536
Hi.
612
00:39:36,642 --> 00:39:38,713
And that's the secretary of education.
613
00:39:40,708 --> 00:39:43,931
He's kinda stupid, but he's
President Camacho's step brother.
614
00:39:44,036 --> 00:39:46,175
Still, he does a pretty good job, eh?
615
00:39:46,271 --> 00:39:49,685
You know, I think there's been
some kind of mistake,
616
00:39:49,790 --> 00:39:53,109
'Cause the test I took
was real, real easy.
617
00:39:53,214 --> 00:39:57,041
I'm not the smartest guy
in the world. Okay?
618
00:40:01,184 --> 00:40:04,982
Okay, even if that were true, I can't
be the secretary of the interior.
619
00:40:05,087 --> 00:40:08,405
- I don't even know what it is.
SECRETARY OF STATE: You better find out.
620
00:40:08,511 --> 00:40:11,263
- Sit down. It's President Camacho.
- Hey, hey, hey, yo...
621
00:40:11,359 --> 00:40:15,157
I gotta take care of some "bidness," baby,
so I need y'all to wait outside.
622
00:40:15,262 --> 00:40:20,000
NARRATOR: Dwayne Elizondo Camacho,
five-time Ultimate Smackdown Champion...
623
00:40:20,096 --> 00:40:23,894
porn superstar, and
President of the United States...
624
00:40:23,999 --> 00:40:27,260
...had called a special summit
with the smartest man in the world.
625
00:40:27,356 --> 00:40:29,878
- So you smart, huh?
- No, no.
626
00:40:33,187 --> 00:40:36,217
I thought your head would be bigger.
627
00:40:39,075 --> 00:40:41,109
God damned.
628
00:40:41,214 --> 00:40:43,487
It look like a peanut.
629
00:40:43,583 --> 00:40:45,434
Let's get you sworn in.
630
00:40:59,714 --> 00:41:02,936
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and Gentlemen,
the President of America!
631
00:41:06,398 --> 00:41:08,767
ANNOUNCER: President Camacho!
632
00:41:09,755 --> 00:41:12,412
Shut up.
633
00:41:12,508 --> 00:41:16,411
Shut up. Sit your monkey ass down.
634
00:41:16,516 --> 00:41:18,003
Chill out.
635
00:41:22,079 --> 00:41:23,450
Shit.
636
00:41:25,666 --> 00:41:28,696
I know shit's bad right now
with all that starvin' bullshit.
637
00:41:28,802 --> 00:41:30,461
And the dust storms. And we runnin'
out of French fries and burrito coverings.
638
00:41:30,461 --> 00:41:33,184
And the dust storms. And we runnin'
out of French fries and burrito coverings.
639
00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:34,844
MAN: Yeah!
640
00:41:34,940 --> 00:41:37,730
- But I got a solution.
- That's what you said last time, dipshit!
641
00:41:37,826 --> 00:41:39,648
I got a solution. You're a dick!
642
00:41:39,744 --> 00:41:42,228
South Carolina, "whassup?"
643
00:41:49,373 --> 00:41:52,471
That's what I thought!
644
00:41:55,166 --> 00:41:58,302
Now, I understand everyone's
shit's emotional right now,
645
00:41:58,398 --> 00:42:00,824
but listen up.
646
00:42:00,929 --> 00:42:03,576
I got a three-point plan
to fix everything.
647
00:42:03,682 --> 00:42:05,111
MAN: Break it down, Camacho!
648
00:42:05,216 --> 00:42:10,203
Number one,
we got this guy, Not Sure.
649
00:42:10,299 --> 00:42:14,941
Number two, he's got a higher
IQ than any man alive.
650
00:42:15,037 --> 00:42:19,161
And number three,
he's gonna fix everything.
651
00:42:19,266 --> 00:42:22,364
I give you my word as President.
652
00:42:22,460 --> 00:42:24,886
He'll fix the problems
with all the dead crops.
653
00:42:24,992 --> 00:42:27,294
He's gonna make 'em grow again.
654
00:42:27,389 --> 00:42:32,146
- Crops?
- And that ain't all. I give you my word.
655
00:42:34,141 --> 00:42:37,076
He's gonna fix the dust storms too.
656
00:42:38,754 --> 00:42:41,238
I give you my word.
657
00:42:41,343 --> 00:42:44,729
He's gonna fix the "ecomony."
658
00:42:46,752 --> 00:42:49,399
And he's so smart
659
00:42:49,505 --> 00:42:54,492
he's gonna do it all in one week.
660
00:42:54,588 --> 00:42:58,002
NARRATOR: President Camacho stood
before the world and promised everyone
661
00:42:58,107 --> 00:43:01,560
that Joe would solve
all their problems.
662
00:43:01,665 --> 00:43:05,655
He would not only end the
dust bowl and heal the economy...
663
00:43:05,761 --> 00:43:08,283
but he would cure acne
and car sickness as well.
664
00:43:08,388 --> 00:43:10,556
And if he didn't...
665
00:43:10,652 --> 00:43:13,049
President Camacho
made another promise.
666
00:43:13,155 --> 00:43:16,636
He would kick Joe's smart balls
all the way up to the roof of his smart mouth.
667
00:43:16,732 --> 00:43:20,731
And then, he would throw
his brainy ass back in jail.
668
00:43:24,961 --> 00:43:27,061
I should, uh, be honest
with you, Mr. President.
669
00:43:27,166 --> 00:43:29,209
I don't know how to be
secretary of anything.
670
00:43:29,315 --> 00:43:30,715
I mean, I've never
even voted, actually.
671
00:43:30,820 --> 00:43:33,496
I don't know what the secretary
of the interior even is.
672
00:43:33,602 --> 00:43:38,071
Come on, scrot. Don't be a pussy.
It beats jail, don't it?
673
00:43:38,176 --> 00:43:42,329
Besides, you do a kick-ass job
674
00:43:42,434 --> 00:43:44,573
you get a full Presidential Pardon.
675
00:43:44,669 --> 00:43:46,491
- No jail time.
- Yeah?
676
00:43:46,587 --> 00:43:50,068
Fuck, yeah! Now gimme a beer.
677
00:43:50,174 --> 00:43:52,149
And get you one too.
678
00:43:57,789 --> 00:43:59,735
Shit!
679
00:43:59,841 --> 00:44:02,210
Hold on, vato!
680
00:44:02,306 --> 00:44:03,965
Whoo!
681
00:44:23,711 --> 00:44:25,754
- Do somethin' smart.
- Yeah.
682
00:44:27,068 --> 00:44:30,549
Uh, okay. Uh-
683
00:44:30,655 --> 00:44:33,589
I'll, uh-
684
00:44:33,695 --> 00:44:37,109
- Hey, we found that lawyer you wanted.
- Oh, okay. Great, thanks.
685
00:44:37,215 --> 00:44:42,000
Uh, right now, I'm going to, uh,
you know, confer with my counsel.
686
00:44:42,115 --> 00:44:43,899
You understand?
So I'll be right back.
687
00:44:43,995 --> 00:44:47,227
Gotta go, uh, work on some crop stuff,
get that taken care of.
688
00:44:47,323 --> 00:44:51,802
- Hopefully get it worked out
by the time we get back here.
- Sounds pretty smart.
689
00:44:51,907 --> 00:44:53,787
Wait here, okay? Wait there.
690
00:44:53,883 --> 00:44:56,606
Dude, this is trepidatious.
You got me a room at the White House.
691
00:44:56,702 --> 00:44:58,592
Everyone gets laid at the White House.
Everyone.
692
00:44:58,688 --> 00:45:00,251
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
693
00:45:00,347 --> 00:45:03,646
I'm real glad you're happy to be here, Frito,
but I brought you here to help me.
694
00:45:03,742 --> 00:45:06,293
I don't know the first thing
about growin' crops
695
00:45:06,398 --> 00:45:08,537
much less the God damned "ecomony."
696
00:45:08,642 --> 00:45:10,493
Econ-Economy.
697
00:45:10,589 --> 00:45:13,409
Let's see. Growin' crops
698
00:45:13,505 --> 00:45:17,015
No, I just need you to tell me
how to get to the time machine.
699
00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:21,110
Oh, that's easy.
You go down by the museum and stuff.
700
00:45:21,215 --> 00:45:23,162
It's, like-
It's, like, by the museum...
701
00:45:23,268 --> 00:45:25,752
sort of, but, well,
actually, not really.
702
00:45:25,857 --> 00:45:30,202
More like, but on the street.
You go, um. Wait, let me start over.
703
00:45:30,307 --> 00:45:32,091
Okay, you know
where the time machine is?
704
00:45:32,187 --> 00:45:35,035
Hey. Just draw me a map, okay?
705
00:45:35,131 --> 00:45:37,653
You still want the money?
706
00:45:37,759 --> 00:45:40,473
Oh. If I had some money
and a room at the White House...
707
00:45:40,578 --> 00:45:45,278
- I would be like, "It's mine, all night!"
- Listen. Cut it out!
708
00:45:45,374 --> 00:45:48,059
Listen, I told these people
that you were smart, okay?
709
00:45:48,155 --> 00:45:50,294
- So act smart!
- Smart like you?
710
00:45:50,399 --> 00:45:53,746
"Oh, I gotta go to the time machine.
I wanna go home."
711
00:45:53,852 --> 00:45:56,537
- I don't talk like that.
- "I don't talk like that."
712
00:45:56,642 --> 00:45:58,493
Shit, I thought there was two of you.
713
00:45:58,589 --> 00:46:00,315
See?
714
00:46:00,411 --> 00:46:02,867
SECRETARY OF DEFENSE:
Doesn't look that big, is it?
715
00:46:02,972 --> 00:46:05,974
Okay. Let's go take
a look at those crops.
716
00:46:06,079 --> 00:46:09,906
Especially the ones, uh, you know,
out around the museum area.
717
00:46:11,460 --> 00:46:14,039
All right? Hey, come on!
718
00:46:15,900 --> 00:46:20,283
Now, you either lead, follow,
or get out of the way. All right?
719
00:46:20,388 --> 00:46:23,582
Whoa. Did you just make that up?
720
00:46:23,678 --> 00:46:26,497
Yes, I did. Now look...
721
00:46:26,593 --> 00:46:29,077
I also need help finding this girl
named Rita, like, immediately
722
00:46:29,183 --> 00:46:31,484
- and Frito will give you a hand with it.
- Why?
723
00:46:33,153 --> 00:46:38,073
Well, because, uh, you know, she'd be
an essential... integral... asset...
724
00:46:38,178 --> 00:46:42,782
you know, for our team,
for us to, you know, utilize.
725
00:46:49,150 --> 00:46:51,931
Utilize her! Utilize her!
726
00:46:52,027 --> 00:46:54,041
SECRETARY OF STATE: Utilize!
727
00:46:54,146 --> 00:46:57,081
Hey, uh, but you're
gonna bring her here, right?
728
00:46:57,187 --> 00:46:59,766
- Oh, yeah.
- Butt first!
729
00:47:01,819 --> 00:47:04,418
SECRETARY OF DEFENSE: Utilize her!
- Okay.
730
00:47:09,827 --> 00:47:13,049
Dang! May I approach your benches?
731
00:47:18,429 --> 00:47:20,952
Uh, yeah. This sucks pretty bad.
732
00:47:21,057 --> 00:47:23,771
Frito, why don't you come over here
and, uh, take a look at this?
733
00:47:23,867 --> 00:47:27,166
Come on. Hustle over here, buddy.
I wanna figure this out.
734
00:47:27,262 --> 00:47:30,906
See, uh, just not a lot of moisture.
Have you got the map?
735
00:47:31,012 --> 00:47:32,892
- Oh, yeah.
- Discreetly.
736
00:47:37,054 --> 00:47:39,710
- It's right there.
- I see it. I see it.
737
00:47:39,806 --> 00:47:42,261
Stand up with me.
738
00:47:42,367 --> 00:47:46,078
Yo, Mr. Secretary Not Sure.
They found that whore you wanted.
739
00:47:46,174 --> 00:47:49,042
Hey, that may be how you refer
to women in the future, but come on.
740
00:47:49,147 --> 00:47:53,242
No, sir. Turns out she charged some guy
a lotta money and didn't put out.
741
00:47:53,348 --> 00:47:55,256
Don't worry though.
We'll get her out
742
00:47:55,362 --> 00:47:58,527
on a work-release whorin' license
as long as you're doin' her.
743
00:47:58,623 --> 00:48:01,692
Get your hands off me. What do you think
I'm gonna do, run through the field?
744
00:48:01,787 --> 00:48:04,032
What the fuck are you all starin' at?
745
00:48:04,128 --> 00:48:06,065
- Joe?
- That's Not Sure, ma'am.
746
00:48:06,180 --> 00:48:09,920
- Secretary Not Sure.
- Secretary? Secretary of what?
747
00:48:10,016 --> 00:48:14,428
Say, would you guys mind if we had
a little moment together? Alone?
748
00:48:14,524 --> 00:48:18,753
You know, in the bushes?
749
00:48:20,412 --> 00:48:22,273
Oh, man.
750
00:48:30,492 --> 00:48:33,906
- Fuck her, Joe!
- Hey, you want us to come along,
and make sure she puts out?
751
00:48:34,011 --> 00:48:35,958
No, thanks. I can handle it. Yeah.
752
00:48:36,064 --> 00:48:39,161
I thought you was in jail. How'd you
get to be the Secretary of Interior?
753
00:48:39,267 --> 00:48:41,463
Just keep walking.
I'll explain everything.
754
00:48:49,883 --> 00:48:51,773
Okay. Get ready to run.
755
00:48:54,141 --> 00:48:56,664
What? Oh, God damned it.
756
00:48:56,769 --> 00:48:59,455
Way to go, Frito. You know what?
Just make a run for it anyways.
757
00:48:59,550 --> 00:49:01,401
We'll ask for directions on the way.
758
00:49:01,507 --> 00:49:04,537
No way. I spent the last two days
looking for it. It ain't easy to find.
759
00:49:04,643 --> 00:49:07,491
Damn it. I can't go back to jail,
and I sure can't solve these problems.
760
00:49:07,587 --> 00:49:10,579
All's I know is I better find
Upgrayedd before he finds me.
761
00:49:10,685 --> 00:49:13,917
Listen to me. Upgrayedd cannot
find you, okay? It's impossible!
762
00:49:14,013 --> 00:49:16,631
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah! And even if Upgrayedd
763
00:49:16,736 --> 00:49:18,645
could somehow magically
travel through time
764
00:49:18,750 --> 00:49:22,050
we got secret service guys with
huge guns protecting us, okay?
765
00:49:22,145 --> 00:49:23,968
So don't worry. You're safe.
766
00:49:24,064 --> 00:49:27,094
And you know what? It's none
of my business, but when we get back,
767
00:49:27,200 --> 00:49:29,722
you and Upgrayedd should seriously think
about couples counseling, okay?
768
00:49:29,827 --> 00:49:34,076
And you should also think about maybe finding
an art manager who's not also your boyfriend.
769
00:49:34,172 --> 00:49:38,104
- Hey!
- She's not puttin'out?
770
00:49:38,209 --> 00:49:42,170
Uh, no, she is.
We, uh, we already did it.
771
00:49:42,276 --> 00:49:44,664
Yeah. He was great.
772
00:49:46,783 --> 00:49:50,293
Okay. Hey, a couple of us guys
were wonderin', uh...
773
00:49:50,399 --> 00:49:52,288
if we'd go family-style on her.
774
00:49:54,714 --> 00:49:58,033
Uh, yeah, probably not right now.
775
00:49:58,148 --> 00:50:01,456
We should focus on the crops.
So let's get back to work. Maybe later.
776
00:50:08,285 --> 00:50:09,915
What the hell is this?
777
00:50:12,706 --> 00:50:16,418
- Tastes like Gatorade.
RITA: Is that that Brawndo stuff?
778
00:50:16,513 --> 00:50:20,091
JOE: They're watering crops
with a sports drink?
779
00:50:21,692 --> 00:50:24,310
NARRATOR: Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator
had come to replace water...
780
00:50:24,416 --> 00:50:26,487
virtually everywhere.
781
00:50:26,593 --> 00:50:28,693
Water, the basic component
of all life
782
00:50:28,799 --> 00:50:31,666
had been deemed a threat
to Brawndo's profit margin.
783
00:50:31,772 --> 00:50:35,128
The solution came during
the budget crisis of 2330
784
00:50:35,234 --> 00:50:39,866
when the Brawndo Corporation
simply bought the FDA
785
00:50:39,972 --> 00:50:41,372
and the FCC,
786
00:50:41,468 --> 00:50:43,606
enabling them to say,
do and sell
787
00:50:43,712 --> 00:50:45,534
anything they wanted.
788
00:50:50,368 --> 00:50:52,890
Joe didn't know any of this,
789
00:50:52,995 --> 00:50:56,822
but he did see a problem that he
might actually be able to solve.
790
00:50:56,927 --> 00:51:01,301
With his options running out,
Joe took a bold step.
791
00:51:01,406 --> 00:51:03,449
He would not get out of the way.
792
00:51:03,554 --> 00:51:06,297
This time, he would lead.
793
00:51:06,403 --> 00:51:08,340
For the last time, I'm pretty sure
794
00:51:08,445 --> 00:51:11,294
what's killing the crops
is this Brawndo stuff.
795
00:51:11,390 --> 00:51:14,046
But Brawndo's got what plants crave.
It's got electrolytes.
796
00:51:14,142 --> 00:51:16,118
So wait a minute.
What you're saying
797
00:51:16,223 --> 00:51:19,868
is that you want us
to put water on the crops.
798
00:51:19,964 --> 00:51:22,869
- Yes.
- Water. Like out the toilet?
799
00:51:22,975 --> 00:51:26,801
Well, I mean, it doesn't have to be
out of the toilet, but, yeah, that's the idea.
800
00:51:26,907 --> 00:51:30,110
- But Brawndo's got what plants crave.
- It's got electrolytes.
801
00:51:30,206 --> 00:51:32,095
Okay, look.
802
00:51:32,191 --> 00:51:35,538
The plants aren't growing, so I'm pretty sure
that the Brawndo's not working.
803
00:51:35,644 --> 00:51:40,123
Now, I'm no botanist, but I do know
that if you put water on plants, they grow.
804
00:51:40,218 --> 00:51:43,767
Well, I've never seen no plants
grow out of no toilet.
805
00:51:43,872 --> 00:51:46,999
Hey, that's good. You sure you ain't
the smartest guy in the world?
806
00:51:47,104 --> 00:51:50,902
Okay, look. You wanna solve this problem.
I wanna get my pardon.
807
00:51:51,008 --> 00:51:54,805
So why don't we just try it, okay,
and not worry about what plants crave?
808
00:51:54,911 --> 00:51:57,280
Brawndo's got what plants crave.
809
00:51:57,376 --> 00:51:59,792
- God damned it.
- Yeah, it's got electrolytes.
810
00:51:59,908 --> 00:52:02,238
What are electrolytes?
Do you even know?
811
00:52:02,334 --> 00:52:04,990
It's what they use to make Brawndo.
812
00:52:05,086 --> 00:52:07,609
Yeah, but why do they
use them to make Brawndo?
813
00:52:07,714 --> 00:52:10,169
'Cause Brawndo's got electrolytes.
814
00:52:13,056 --> 00:52:17,314
NARRATOR: After several hours,
Joe finally gave up on logic and reason
815
00:52:17,410 --> 00:52:20,345
and simply told the cabinet
that he could talk to plants,
816
00:52:20,450 --> 00:52:22,963
and that they wanted water.
817
00:52:24,027 --> 00:52:26,272
He made believers out of everyone.
818
00:52:26,367 --> 00:52:29,782
Joe didn't know it,
but the beloved electrolytes
819
00:52:29,887 --> 00:52:33,685
were salts that had been building up
in the topsoil over the decades,
820
00:52:33,790 --> 00:52:36,409
killing plants
and leading to the dust bowl.
821
00:52:36,514 --> 00:52:42,009
As secretary of the interior, Joe ordered
all crops to be switched to water,
822
00:52:42,115 --> 00:52:47,035
promising that, over time, plants
would grow and the dust bowl would end.
823
00:52:47,131 --> 00:52:50,996
He was on the fast track
to a full Presidential Pardon.
824
00:52:51,101 --> 00:52:54,103
Or so it seemed.
825
00:52:55,167 --> 00:52:58,908
Man, I hope somethin' grows fast.
826
00:52:59,004 --> 00:53:00,912
Yeah. So we can haul
our ass back home.
827
00:53:01,027 --> 00:53:04,470
Man. You really think those people
would have starved to death?
828
00:53:05,947 --> 00:53:10,387
I don't know. I mean, how did
the world ever get like this?
829
00:53:10,493 --> 00:53:14,204
You know things are bad when they're
comin' to me for answers.
830
00:53:14,300 --> 00:53:16,957
- It's a weird feeling being
smarter than everyone.
- Mm-hmm.
831
00:53:17,053 --> 00:53:19,191
- I'm not used to it.
- Yeah. Me neither.
832
00:53:21,819 --> 00:53:25,406
You think Einstein walked around thinkin'
everyone was a bunch of dumb shits?
833
00:53:25,502 --> 00:53:27,957
Yeah. Hadn't thought of that.
834
00:53:28,062 --> 00:53:32,023
- Now you know why he built that bomb.
- Yeah.
835
00:53:34,335 --> 00:53:36,444
Hey, Joe, listen. Those cops-
836
00:53:36,540 --> 00:53:38,717
- Oh, hey. I'm sorry about that.
- No. No.
837
00:53:38,813 --> 00:53:41,719
They said that you got me a pardon.
838
00:53:41,825 --> 00:53:44,721
You know, if you hadn't done that,
I'd still be in jail right now, so...
839
00:53:45,987 --> 00:53:48,500
I guess I owe you one.
840
00:53:50,619 --> 00:53:54,043
You know, you don't have to sleep
on the floor if you don't want to.
841
00:53:55,395 --> 00:53:59,385
Oh. No. I'm- I'm all right. Yeah.
842
00:53:59,490 --> 00:54:03,384
Besides, you know, I don't think
Upgrayedd would be too happy about that.
843
00:54:03,489 --> 00:54:05,081
You in bed with a stranger.
844
00:54:06,750 --> 00:54:08,918
Yeah.
845
00:54:11,708 --> 00:54:13,463
I know. I know.
846
00:54:15,487 --> 00:54:20,273
JOE: Yeah. Oh, boy.
847
00:54:27,907 --> 00:54:30,362
Oh, shit. It's Upgrayedd.
848
00:54:30,467 --> 00:54:32,798
JOE: Oh, shit. It's not Upgrayedd.
849
00:54:32,894 --> 00:54:35,099
NARRATOR: Given enough time,
Joe's plan might have worked.
850
00:54:35,195 --> 00:54:37,439
But when the Brawndo stock
suddenly dropped to zero,
851
00:54:37,535 --> 00:54:39,866
leaving half the population unemployed,
852
00:54:39,971 --> 00:54:43,510
dumb, angry mobs took to the streets,
rioting and looting,
853
00:54:43,616 --> 00:54:45,467
and screaming for Joe's head.
854
00:54:45,562 --> 00:54:48,152
An emergency cabinet
meeting was called
855
00:54:48,257 --> 00:54:50,492
with the CEO
of the Brawndo Corporation.
856
00:54:50,588 --> 00:54:52,957
How come nobody's buying
Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator?
857
00:54:53,053 --> 00:54:55,326
Aw, shit. Half the country
works for Brawndo.
858
00:54:55,421 --> 00:54:58,078
Not anymore!
The stock has dropped to zero
859
00:54:58,174 --> 00:55:00,245
and the computer did that
auto-layoff thing to everybody.
860
00:55:00,351 --> 00:55:02,806
- We're all unemployed!
- You think that makes the "ecomony" suck?
861
00:55:02,912 --> 00:55:06,805
- Why is this happening?
- I think it's because we switched to water, but-
862
00:55:06,911 --> 00:55:09,299
- You mean this is all your fault?
- What?
863
00:55:09,404 --> 00:55:13,087
Yeah, this is your fault. This shit started
happening when we switched to water!
864
00:55:13,183 --> 00:55:16,923
Brought to you by Carl's Jr.
Brought to you by Carl's Jr.
Brought to you by Carl's jr.
865
00:55:19,551 --> 00:55:21,277
ANNOUNCER: Fox News.
866
00:55:24,384 --> 00:55:27,319
He tried taking water from toilets...
867
00:55:27,425 --> 00:55:31,194
but it's Secretary Not Sure
who finds himself in the toilet now.
868
00:55:31,299 --> 00:55:33,121
And as history pulls down its pants...
869
00:55:33,217 --> 00:55:36,344
and prepares to lower its ass
on Not Sure's head...
870
00:55:36,449 --> 00:55:40,276
it will be Daddy Justice
who will be crapping on him this time.
871
00:55:40,381 --> 00:55:44,409
We now go live to Violence Channel
correspondent Formica Davis
872
00:55:44,515 --> 00:55:48,217
at the Extreme Court
with highlights on today's trial.
873
00:55:50,624 --> 00:55:54,652
Thank you, Velveeta.
Well, it started off boring and slow
874
00:55:54,748 --> 00:55:58,162
with Not Sure trying to bullshit
everyone with a bunch of smart talk.
875
00:55:58,267 --> 00:56:02,199
Blah, blah, blah. You gotta believe me!
876
00:56:02,305 --> 00:56:04,213
That part of the trial sucked.
877
00:56:04,319 --> 00:56:06,870
But then, the chief "J" just went off.
878
00:56:06,975 --> 00:56:08,913
He said, "Man, whatever."
879
00:56:09,018 --> 00:56:11,512
"The guy's guilty as shit.
We all know that."
880
00:56:11,617 --> 00:56:15,223
And he sentenced his ass
to one night of Rehabilitation.
881
00:56:15,329 --> 00:56:17,784
Hey, rehabilitation? One night?
882
00:56:17,889 --> 00:56:19,711
Doesn't sound so bad.
883
00:56:19,807 --> 00:56:21,591
Not so bad, huh?
884
00:56:21,697 --> 00:56:24,823
Here's some highlights
from last week's Rehabilitation.
885
00:56:35,363 --> 00:56:38,326
FORMICA: And who could forget
that wonderful finish
886
00:56:38,432 --> 00:56:40,820
by Rehab Officer Tylenol Jones?
887
00:56:40,925 --> 00:56:44,474
And tomorrow night looks even more better.
888
00:56:44,579 --> 00:56:48,799
Word is that Beef Supreme himself
might come out of retirement.
889
00:56:48,895 --> 00:56:51,484
Wow. Thank you, Formica.
890
00:56:52,894 --> 00:56:55,762
So you think you can escape
again like you did last time?
891
00:56:55,867 --> 00:56:58,553
- No. They pretty much fixed that.
- How?
892
00:56:58,658 --> 00:57:00,825
They chained me to a big rock.
893
00:57:02,178 --> 00:57:04,000
RITA: Oh.
- Yeah.
894
00:57:04,096 --> 00:57:06,196
Look, Rita, get Frito.
895
00:57:06,302 --> 00:57:09,303
Get him to take you back to the
time machine without me. Don't wait.
896
00:57:09,409 --> 00:57:13,264
No. You could have split
on me before, but you didn't.
897
00:57:13,379 --> 00:57:16,640
Look, you wanna pay me back?
Just go back, okay?
898
00:57:16,736 --> 00:57:19,191
Tell people to read books.
899
00:57:19,297 --> 00:57:21,301
Tell people to stay in school, you know.
900
00:57:21,406 --> 00:57:24,792
Tell people to just
use their brains or something.
901
00:57:24,897 --> 00:57:27,957
I think maybe the world got like this
because of people like me.
902
00:57:28,062 --> 00:57:32,474
I never did anything with my life.
At least you were an artist, you know?
903
00:57:32,579 --> 00:57:35,034
- So just go back and-
GUARD: Visit's over!
904
00:57:37,883 --> 00:57:41,201
And Rita, whatever you do,
keep painting, okay?
905
00:57:42,688 --> 00:57:44,577
Good luck, Joe.
906
00:57:51,482 --> 00:57:54,234
ANNOUNCER: Okay, that's five down
and one more to go.
907
00:57:54,330 --> 00:57:57,879
Are you ready for a monster-truck
duel to the death?
908
00:57:57,984 --> 00:58:01,370
Yeah! Let's give it up
for the Guitar Army.
909
00:58:03,393 --> 00:58:05,283
ANNOUNCER:
Okay, we're gonna do this shit.
910
00:58:05,378 --> 00:58:08,409
But first, to lead us
in our Natural Anthem,
911
00:58:08,515 --> 00:58:13,080
the star of "Ow! My Balls!",
Hormel Chavez!
912
00:58:13,185 --> 00:58:15,995
Thank you. Thank you.
913
00:58:16,091 --> 00:58:20,886
MAN: Hey! Come here!
914
00:58:20,992 --> 00:58:24,406
Come here!
915
00:58:24,511 --> 00:58:26,334
ANNOUNCER: Right in the balls!
916
00:58:26,429 --> 00:58:31,033
That's just how that shit went on TV!
917
00:58:31,138 --> 00:58:35,195
ANNOUNCER: This execution is brought to you
by Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator.
918
00:58:35,291 --> 00:58:37,113
After you've killed someone,
919
00:58:37,219 --> 00:58:39,070
- your body needs electrolytes.
- Yeah.
920
00:58:39,165 --> 00:58:42,330
So, my car's out front...
921
00:58:42,426 --> 00:58:44,603
whenever you want me to take you...
922
00:58:44,699 --> 00:58:46,838
to the time machine.
923
00:58:46,943 --> 00:58:48,794
Thanks, Frito.
924
00:58:48,890 --> 00:58:50,904
- Yeah.
ANNOUNCER: I can't hear you!
925
00:58:51,010 --> 00:58:54,069
That's a real bummer about Joe, huh?
926
00:58:54,174 --> 00:58:56,658
ANNOUNCER: I can't hear you!
- Yeah.
927
00:58:56,764 --> 00:59:02,000
Oh! Can you turn this up?
I love Rehabilitation.
928
00:59:13,058 --> 00:59:17,335
ANNOUNCER: Okay. Let's meet
our rehabilitation officers for tonight.
929
00:59:17,441 --> 00:59:20,606
With a combined record of 62 kills...
930
00:59:20,701 --> 00:59:25,343
please welcome Vinny Mawumba
in the Dildozer!
931
00:59:30,915 --> 00:59:36,439
And his brother Bobby Mawumba
in the Ass Blaster!
932
00:59:36,545 --> 00:59:38,434
I get a truck too, right?
933
00:59:38,530 --> 00:59:41,148
- Yeah.
- Here it comes.
934
00:59:50,403 --> 00:59:52,283
Get in.
935
00:59:56,608 --> 00:59:58,871
You still got the chain attached.
936
01:00:00,991 --> 01:00:03,446
GUARD: Door won't shut.
- What about the chain?
937
01:00:03,551 --> 01:00:05,441
- We could break it.
- No. He could escape.
938
01:00:05,537 --> 01:00:08,951
- I got an idea. Let's put it in the trunk.
- Yeah. That'll work.
939
01:00:12,384 --> 01:00:15,798
GUARD: Who's smart now?
ANNOUNCER: Let's bring out our criminal.
940
01:00:15,904 --> 01:00:18,906
He tried to ruin the country
by pouring toilet water on crops.
941
01:00:19,011 --> 01:00:21,313
He cost millions of people their jobs.
942
01:00:21,409 --> 01:00:24,602
Let's get ready
to rehabilitate Not Sure!
943
01:00:36,130 --> 01:00:38,393
Never would have guessed
this is how I was gonna die.
944
01:00:38,499 --> 01:00:41,280
ANNOUNCER: Are you ready
for some car-on-car action?
945
01:00:41,376 --> 01:00:43,265
Yes.
946
01:00:44,320 --> 01:00:47,034
- I can't watch this.
- This is-
947
01:00:47,130 --> 01:00:51,446
FRITO: This is gonna be so sad.
I hope I don't cry.
948
01:00:53,182 --> 01:00:56,922
Holy shit! Frito, come here! Look!
949
01:00:57,018 --> 01:00:59,387
He was right. The water, it worked.
950
01:00:59,483 --> 01:01:02,005
Frito, can you get me over there?
951
01:01:02,945 --> 01:01:04,767
Yes.
952
01:01:04,863 --> 01:01:07,730
No, you fuckin' moron.
To the Rehabilitation place.
953
01:01:07,836 --> 01:01:09,783
- Uh, this way.
- Yeah!
954
01:01:14,175 --> 01:01:15,997
Come on, Frito. Hurry!
955
01:01:16,093 --> 01:01:18,999
ANNOUNCER: And now the dude that
everybody came here to see.
956
01:01:19,105 --> 01:01:22,548
- Yeah!
- The only undefeated officer
ever in history,
957
01:01:22,653 --> 01:01:26,038
coming out of retirement
just to pound Not Sure's ass,
958
01:01:26,144 --> 01:01:30,901
driving the biggest, hugest correctional
vehicle ever built in history,
959
01:01:31,006 --> 01:01:34,718
bigger than the Dildozer,
bigger than the Ass Blaster,
960
01:01:34,814 --> 01:01:38,679
bigger and huger than everything
ever before in history,
961
01:01:38,784 --> 01:01:41,594
the brand-new Assdozer!
962
01:01:41,690 --> 01:01:44,279
Give it up for Beef Supreme!
963
01:01:47,713 --> 01:01:49,535
Oh!
964
01:01:55,299 --> 01:01:57,150
Oh!
965
01:02:10,941 --> 01:02:14,077
ANNOUNCER: Oh, shit.
I think it was too big, huh?
966
01:02:14,173 --> 01:02:16,561
We seem to be "experimenting"
967
01:02:16,666 --> 01:02:19,831
some "techmological" differences.
968
01:02:19,936 --> 01:02:21,759
So, uh, shit.
969
01:02:21,855 --> 01:02:25,087
Frito, look!
970
01:02:25,182 --> 01:02:27,292
- It's working everywhere!
- Huh.
971
01:02:27,388 --> 01:02:31,282
ANNOUNCER: Well, shit.
That's a big pile of rocks.
972
01:02:31,387 --> 01:02:34,389
- Kinda reminds me of this
one time that I was-
- Man.
973
01:02:34,495 --> 01:02:36,432
- Hey!
- Oh, oh, okay.
974
01:02:36,547 --> 01:02:38,647
- Get this shit started!
- We're gonna start without Beef Supreme.
975
01:02:38,753 --> 01:02:42,330
Let the rehabilitation begin!
976
01:02:51,489 --> 01:02:53,944
Oh, shit.
977
01:02:54,050 --> 01:02:56,831
Come on. Come on.
978
01:02:56,927 --> 01:02:59,295
RITA: Come on, Frito. Hurry!
979
01:03:01,818 --> 01:03:04,407
Oh!
980
01:03:08,924 --> 01:03:10,392
God damned it.
981
01:03:12,703 --> 01:03:16,414
- Yeah!
- Jesus, that was close.
982
01:03:18,812 --> 01:03:21,593
Mr. President! Mr. President,
I need to talk to you.
983
01:03:21,699 --> 01:03:23,799
You gotta stop this thing.
He was right about the water.
984
01:03:23,904 --> 01:03:26,686
We passed some crops on the way here.
They're growing.
985
01:03:26,782 --> 01:03:28,604
I didn't see no crops.
986
01:03:29,697 --> 01:03:31,318
ANNOUNCER: They're circling around.
987
01:03:31,423 --> 01:03:33,840
They're gonna do
the Malachi Crunch on him!
988
01:03:36,382 --> 01:03:39,642
- This is an illegal move, okay?
So don't tell nobody.
- Oh!
989
01:03:59,619 --> 01:04:02,487
ANNOUNCER:
So, uh, so the winner is, uh-
990
01:04:04,222 --> 01:04:07,291
- You gotta be shittin' me.
- Did he win?
991
01:04:10,044 --> 01:04:12,154
Uh-oh. Look.
992
01:04:13,947 --> 01:04:17,524
ANNOUNCER:
Holy shit! It's Beef Supreme!
993
01:04:24,573 --> 01:04:26,261
ANNOUNCER:
Beef Supreme! Yeah! Yeah!
994
01:04:26,367 --> 01:04:30,462
Hey, Frito. Frito, you remember
those crops we saw off the road...
995
01:04:30,558 --> 01:04:33,080
- right by the Star bucks?
- Uh-huh.
996
01:04:33,185 --> 01:04:37,108
- Hey. Wanna make some money?
- I like money.
997
01:04:50,746 --> 01:04:54,869
Hey, um, the, uh the main
screen is malfunctioning
998
01:04:54,975 --> 01:04:57,392
and they gonna need you
outside immediately.
999
01:05:00,480 --> 01:05:03,376
There's a bunch of whores
in the hallway.
1000
01:05:06,426 --> 01:05:08,823
Come on, Frito. Hurry.
1001
01:05:09,850 --> 01:05:11,864
Can't believe you like money too.
1002
01:05:11,969 --> 01:05:14,357
- We should hang out.
- Totally.
1003
01:05:38,650 --> 01:05:40,596
ANNOUNCER:
He's behind the truck!
1004
01:05:42,620 --> 01:05:45,277
Yes! Yes!
1005
01:05:46,590 --> 01:05:48,566
He's behind the fucking truck!
He's over there!
1006
01:05:48,672 --> 01:05:50,647
ANNOUNCER:
Behind the truck, stupid!
1007
01:06:00,544 --> 01:06:02,069
Look!
1008
01:06:04,189 --> 01:06:07,603
Shit. That's a good deal.
1009
01:06:07,708 --> 01:06:12,024
FRITO: Extra foam.
- I got a bunch of money too.
1010
01:06:12,130 --> 01:06:14,642
Forgot what it was for. Huh.
1011
01:06:15,870 --> 01:06:19,514
- You think it was for lattes?
- Yeah. Probably.
1012
01:06:19,610 --> 01:06:23,705
FRITO: You like money and sex?
You're trippin' me out.
- What the fuck?
1013
01:06:25,854 --> 01:06:27,992
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
1014
01:06:37,247 --> 01:06:40,958
Just hold on, okay?
Everyone just take it easy, okay?
1015
01:06:41,054 --> 01:06:42,876
Can I just say something here?
1016
01:06:45,178 --> 01:06:47,998
I don't even know
what I'm guilty of here.
1017
01:06:48,094 --> 01:06:51,834
I never said that I was the smartest
person on earth. You people did.
1018
01:06:51,930 --> 01:06:55,449
I didn't know that you'd lose
your jobs and all your money
1019
01:06:55,545 --> 01:06:57,588
and I'm very sorry
that that happened.
1020
01:06:57,694 --> 01:06:59,640
But I'm tellin' you...
1021
01:06:59,746 --> 01:07:02,009
if you put water on the crops,
it might actually-
1022
01:07:02,115 --> 01:07:04,982
No, it will work. I promise you!
1023
01:07:05,088 --> 01:07:09,308
You just have to believe me.
I just wanted to help you. That's all.
1024
01:07:09,404 --> 01:07:14,045
So you can try and shoot me.
You can try and run me over, whatever.
1025
01:07:14,141 --> 01:07:17,459
But I just want you to ask
yourselves one question first.
1026
01:07:18,620 --> 01:07:21,046
Do you really want to live in a world...
1027
01:07:21,152 --> 01:07:24,499
where you try to blow up the one
person that's tryin' to help you?
1028
01:07:34,914 --> 01:07:37,053
Hold on. Just hold on.
1029
01:07:57,566 --> 01:07:59,667
Oh, man. That was great.
1030
01:07:59,772 --> 01:08:03,282
Hey, was I wearing pants
when we went in there?
1031
01:08:03,388 --> 01:08:06,649
Shit. What do I look like,
a pants goblin?
1032
01:08:06,754 --> 01:08:09,948
Wait. This reminds me of something.
1033
01:08:10,044 --> 01:08:12,796
Uh, "Rehabil-Rehabilate-
1034
01:08:12,892 --> 01:08:15,961
- Rehabilation."
- Why do you keep trying to read that word?
1035
01:08:16,066 --> 01:08:19,442
- You a fag?
- I'll fag your face!
1036
01:08:27,738 --> 01:08:30,644
- Come on, Frito.
- Yeah. I don't think so.
1037
01:08:31,967 --> 01:08:34,336
Oh, yeah.
1038
01:09:14,146 --> 01:09:18,423
This guy just got his ass a pardon!
1039
01:09:26,115 --> 01:09:27,803
Yeah!
1040
01:09:41,498 --> 01:09:44,797
Man, Rita. I mean,
I don't know what to say.
1041
01:09:44,893 --> 01:09:48,029
You saved my life. No one's ever
done anything like that for me.
1042
01:09:48,125 --> 01:09:49,947
Yeah, well...
1043
01:09:50,043 --> 01:09:52,949
now you were looking out for
the whole world so, you know...
1044
01:09:53,054 --> 01:09:56,603
- I thought someone should
look out for you too.
- Thanks.
1045
01:09:58,147 --> 01:10:00,410
I can't believe I'm even
saying this, but...
1046
01:10:00,506 --> 01:10:02,424
even though these people
tried to kill me...
1047
01:10:02,529 --> 01:10:05,838
- you know, I think I'm actually
gonna kinda miss 'em.
- Yeah.
1048
01:10:05,953 --> 01:10:08,667
Frito, he's gonna give us
a ride back to the time machine.
1049
01:10:08,763 --> 01:10:11,861
I just, uh,
I hope he's okay to drive.
1050
01:10:13,242 --> 01:10:16,244
It's you. Oh, man,
I really love your show.
1051
01:10:16,349 --> 01:10:18,555
Thank you so much.
1052
01:10:18,651 --> 01:10:23,609
- Uh, Joe, I'm not going.
- What?
1053
01:10:25,345 --> 01:10:29,047
I had some pretty bad habits back there
that I don't want to fall into again.
1054
01:10:29,152 --> 01:10:31,042
Maybe it's time I got a new start.
1055
01:10:31,138 --> 01:10:35,098
Besides, they offered me
a pretty good job at Star bucks here.
1056
01:10:35,194 --> 01:10:37,755
- I'm gonna be a CEO.
- At Star bucks?
1057
01:10:37,851 --> 01:10:40,575
- Yeah.
- Yeah? You're still gonna
paint though, right?
1058
01:10:42,176 --> 01:10:45,437
Yeah. Sure.
1059
01:10:45,533 --> 01:10:47,288
I guess this is good-bye then.
1060
01:10:49,081 --> 01:10:51,220
CAMACHO: Hey, hey, hey, hey!
1061
01:10:51,325 --> 01:10:53,694
I got a couple
Presidential decrees to make!
1062
01:10:53,694 --> 01:10:55,315
I got a couple
Presidential decrees to make!
1063
01:10:55,420 --> 01:10:59,477
Not Sure, get your ass up here,
wherever you is.
1064
01:11:01,980 --> 01:11:04,119
Let me get that little
peanut head up here.
1065
01:11:04,224 --> 01:11:06,871
Yo. Yo.
1066
01:11:06,977 --> 01:11:08,828
I have decided
1067
01:11:08,924 --> 01:11:11,350
to make this man,
1068
01:11:11,456 --> 01:11:14,266
the man who solved
all our problems.
1069
01:11:15,551 --> 01:11:18,102
I have decided to make him
1070
01:11:18,207 --> 01:11:20,413
my new vice president.
1071
01:11:22,849 --> 01:11:25,947
Mr. President, thanks. That's-
That's real cool of you, sir,
1072
01:11:26,043 --> 01:11:29,754
- but I can't accept it, sir.
- What? Why?
1073
01:11:29,850 --> 01:11:34,396
- You know, I gotta get home.
- But we still got all these problems.
1074
01:11:34,492 --> 01:11:37,359
Look, you know, you're just gonna
have to solve 'em yourselves.
1075
01:11:37,474 --> 01:11:39,834
- How?
- You know, think about it, you know?
1076
01:11:39,930 --> 01:11:42,864
You're just gonna have to figure
it out like we did with the crops.
1077
01:11:42,970 --> 01:11:47,314
But how are we gonna figure out about
the garbage "ambulanches" and the "comony"?
1078
01:11:47,420 --> 01:11:53,020
And what about the nuc-
"nucular" reactor in Florida?
1079
01:11:53,116 --> 01:11:55,485
It's broke and leaky
and something's happening.
1080
01:11:55,581 --> 01:12:00,731
- I thought it was in Georgia.
- Georgia's in Florida, dumb ass.
1081
01:12:00,827 --> 01:12:03,762
Hey. Hey, I know.
Let's put toilet water on it. Huh?
1082
01:12:03,867 --> 01:12:06,802
- Yeah!
- Good, good. That's a good idea.
1083
01:12:06,907 --> 01:12:09,497
MINISTER OF DEFENSE: Like we did on the crops.
- Come on, vato.
1084
01:12:09,602 --> 01:12:11,798
Hey, you can't leave.
1085
01:12:11,904 --> 01:12:17,601
Whatever happened to all that "lead,
follow, or get outta the way" shit, huh?
1086
01:12:27,929 --> 01:12:32,159
I guess I just can't get outta the way
anymore, can I? You know what?
1087
01:12:32,255 --> 01:12:35,036
- Forget about the time machine.
- Yeah!
1088
01:12:38,910 --> 01:12:42,171
That ride sucks anyways.
1089
01:12:42,267 --> 01:12:44,310
Ride?
1090
01:12:47,647 --> 01:12:50,016
MALE VOICE:
Welcome to the Time Masheen.
1091
01:12:50,112 --> 01:12:54,418
We are going to take you back,
first to the year 1939
1092
01:12:54,524 --> 01:12:56,912
when Charlie Chaplin
and his evil Nazi regime
1093
01:12:57,017 --> 01:12:59,952
enslaved Europe and tried
to take over the world.
1094
01:13:00,057 --> 01:13:02,551
So you knew this thing
was just a ride the whole time?
1095
01:13:02,656 --> 01:13:06,003
Yeah. You thought you could
really travel through time, huh?
1096
01:13:06,109 --> 01:13:08,382
- Yeah, I guess I did.
- Yeah.
1097
01:13:08,478 --> 01:13:11,297
For the smartest guy in the world,
you're pretty dumb sometimes.
1098
01:13:11,393 --> 01:13:16,092
- So why didn't you tell us?
- 'Cause I like money. I'm sorry.
1099
01:13:16,188 --> 01:13:19,833
But if it's not a real time machine,
there wouldn't have been any money.
1100
01:13:19,938 --> 01:13:23,285
You know, 'cause I can't go back
in time and open a savings account.
1101
01:13:23,391 --> 01:13:26,201
Uh, uh, uh-
1102
01:13:26,306 --> 01:13:28,953
Yeah. Don't worry about it.
It's okay.
1103
01:13:30,430 --> 01:13:32,281
Well, I guess we're stuck here.
1104
01:13:32,387 --> 01:13:37,268
MALE VOICE: But then an even
greater force emerged the "UN."
1105
01:13:37,374 --> 01:13:41,248
And the "UN"
un-nazied the world forever.
1106
01:13:41,248 --> 01:13:41,497
And the "UN"
un-nazied the world forever.
1107
01:13:41,660 --> 01:13:45,008
NARRATOR: And so, after serving
a short term as vice president...
1108
01:13:45,113 --> 01:13:48,278
Joe was elected
the president of America.
1109
01:13:48,383 --> 01:13:50,455
Frito became vice president
1110
01:13:50,560 --> 01:13:53,591
and Rita, the former prostitute,
became first lady.
1111
01:13:53,696 --> 01:13:57,043
Today I step into the shoes
of a great man,
1112
01:13:57,149 --> 01:14:01,110
a man by the name of Dwayne Elizondo
1113
01:14:01,215 --> 01:14:05,042
Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.
1114
01:14:05,147 --> 01:14:09,108
NARRATOR: Under President Not Sure's
leadership, a new era dawned.
1115
01:14:09,214 --> 01:14:12,887
You know, there was a time
in this country
1116
01:14:12,992 --> 01:14:17,078
when smart people
were considered cool.
1117
01:14:17,183 --> 01:14:19,993
Well, maybe not cool,
but smart people did things
1118
01:14:20,089 --> 01:14:23,992
like build ships and pyramids,
and they even went to the moon.
1119
01:14:24,098 --> 01:14:25,556
MAN: Yeah!
1120
01:14:27,618 --> 01:14:31,636
And there was a time
in this country, a long time ago
1121
01:14:31,742 --> 01:14:34,043
when reading wasn't just for fags,
1122
01:14:34,139 --> 01:14:36,316
and neither was writing.
1123
01:14:36,412 --> 01:14:40,344
People wrote books and movies,
movies that had stories...
1124
01:14:40,450 --> 01:14:44,573
so you cared whose ass it was
and why it was farting.
1125
01:14:44,669 --> 01:14:47,988
And I believe that time
can come again!
1126
01:14:59,419 --> 01:15:02,872
Not Sure, Not Sure, Not Sure!
1127
01:15:06,555 --> 01:15:08,444
NARRATOR:
Joe and Rita had three children,
1128
01:15:08,540 --> 01:15:11,225
the three smartest kids
in the world.
1129
01:15:12,319 --> 01:15:14,707
Vice President Frito
took eight wives
1130
01:15:14,812 --> 01:15:17,152
and had a total of 32 kids-
1131
01:15:17,248 --> 01:15:20,346
thirty-two of the dumbest kids
ever to walk the earth.
1132
01:15:25,371 --> 01:15:28,411
Okay, so maybe Joe
didn't save mankind,
1133
01:15:28,507 --> 01:15:30,847
but he got the ball rolling
1134
01:15:30,943 --> 01:15:34,587
and that's pretty good
for an average guy.
1135
01:20:22,204 --> 01:20:24,793
I'm gonna go find this ho.