0 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:20,000 1 00:00:42,060 --> 00:00:45,394 You've probably heard many stories that begin: 2 00:00:45,564 --> 00:00:50,272 "A long, long time ago, in a land far away. " 3 00:00:51,903 --> 00:00:53,812 This one does as well. 4 00:00:53,989 --> 00:00:58,283 But I assure you, this is a story you have never heard before. 5 00:00:58,453 --> 00:01:00,859 It's the story of a boy named Fred. 6 00:01:01,913 --> 00:01:04,154 And it begins right here. 7 00:01:04,916 --> 00:01:06,375 It's time. 8 00:01:07,169 --> 00:01:09,541 You must push, dear. 9 00:01:09,713 --> 00:01:10,957 That's it. 10 00:01:11,131 --> 00:01:14,298 That's it. One more time, come on. Yes. 11 00:01:20,140 --> 00:01:21,421 What's wrong? 12 00:01:23,227 --> 00:01:26,393 It's the fattest baby I've ever seen. 13 00:01:32,946 --> 00:01:34,937 Good Lord. 14 00:01:35,488 --> 00:01:37,232 Why does he not cry? 15 00:01:39,659 --> 00:01:41,035 What did he say? 16 00:01:42,746 --> 00:01:46,246 He's perfect in every way. 17 00:01:46,917 --> 00:01:48,292 What shall we name him? 18 00:01:48,461 --> 00:01:50,500 My father was called Nicholas. 19 00:01:51,088 --> 00:01:52,250 Yes. 20 00:01:52,673 --> 00:01:54,582 Nicholas Claus. 21 00:01:55,634 --> 00:01:58,090 My Saint Nicholas. 22 00:02:00,014 --> 00:02:01,425 Frederick. 23 00:02:02,308 --> 00:02:04,929 Would you like to come and meet your brother? 24 00:02:20,493 --> 00:02:22,285 Come along now. 25 00:02:31,004 --> 00:02:35,167 Fred loved Nicholas from the first moment he met him. 26 00:02:35,341 --> 00:02:39,090 In fact, that day, he made him a promise. 27 00:02:40,055 --> 00:02:45,179 I promise to be the best big brother in the whole world, Nicholas. 28 00:02:49,397 --> 00:02:52,600 But Fred's promise is just the beginning of his story. 29 00:02:52,775 --> 00:02:55,895 You see, sometimes it's easier to make a promise... 30 00:02:57,405 --> 00:02:59,232 ... than it is to keep one. 31 00:03:03,411 --> 00:03:04,787 Time to cut the cake. 32 00:03:07,374 --> 00:03:09,497 Here you go, Nicholas. I made this for you. 33 00:03:09,668 --> 00:03:11,079 Happy birthday. 34 00:03:11,253 --> 00:03:14,254 - I thank you, Frederick. - That was very nice, Frederick. 35 00:03:16,425 --> 00:03:18,333 Nicholas, where are you going? 36 00:03:18,510 --> 00:03:21,511 There's a poor orphan named Henry who lives down the road. 37 00:03:21,679 --> 00:03:25,013 I'm bringing all my gifts to him. He needs them more than I. 38 00:03:25,183 --> 00:03:26,512 That's lovely. 39 00:03:26,685 --> 00:03:30,385 Do you really think Henry needs a journal with the name "Nicholas" on the cover? 40 00:03:30,564 --> 00:03:33,518 Frederick, it's a saintly thing he does. 41 00:03:33,858 --> 00:03:36,100 My little Saint Nicholas. 42 00:03:36,695 --> 00:03:39,186 And so it went for Fred. 43 00:03:40,950 --> 00:03:45,078 Every time he managed to make his parents proud... 44 00:03:45,245 --> 00:03:47,155 Frederick, don't you look nice. 45 00:03:49,291 --> 00:03:52,494 ... Nicholas managed to make his parents prouder. 46 00:03:52,669 --> 00:03:57,082 The door was locked, so I decided to drop down the chimney! What fun! 47 00:03:57,549 --> 00:03:58,628 Oh, Nicholas. 48 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,089 If the door was locked, why didn't you just knock? 49 00:04:01,261 --> 00:04:02,886 Because he's inventive. 50 00:04:03,138 --> 00:04:05,178 I made the outfit myself, Mother. 51 00:04:05,558 --> 00:04:07,349 I wouldn't go telling people that. 52 00:04:07,852 --> 00:04:11,303 Really, Frederick, why can't you be more like your brother? 53 00:04:22,074 --> 00:04:25,443 I don't wish to hate him. He means well. 54 00:04:25,620 --> 00:04:28,739 And I promised to be the best big brother in the world. 55 00:04:29,665 --> 00:04:32,749 You're the only one who understands me, Chirp-Chirp. 56 00:04:47,975 --> 00:04:51,142 Frederick! I noticed how much you liked the tree... 57 00:04:51,395 --> 00:04:55,096 ...so now we're gonna bring it inside the house and put presents under it! 58 00:04:55,274 --> 00:04:56,686 Isn't that wonderful? 59 00:05:04,533 --> 00:05:07,867 Chirp-Chirp never returned. 60 00:05:18,381 --> 00:05:19,626 Frederick? 61 00:05:21,718 --> 00:05:23,426 Our poor Fred. 62 00:05:23,595 --> 00:05:25,089 Is this for me? 63 00:05:25,263 --> 00:05:27,885 That tree was the last straw. 64 00:05:28,225 --> 00:05:31,391 He began to resent his brother, his parents... 65 00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:33,228 ... and even his life. 66 00:05:33,397 --> 00:05:35,435 Nicholas, why don't you open yours first? 67 00:05:38,901 --> 00:05:40,728 Spin it. Spin it! 68 00:05:40,904 --> 00:05:43,276 And like many unhappy children... 69 00:05:43,448 --> 00:05:45,239 Why don't you open yours? 70 00:05:45,825 --> 00:05:47,901 ... he became angry. 71 00:05:50,246 --> 00:05:52,239 Naughty, even. 72 00:05:56,169 --> 00:05:57,545 I wonder what it is. 73 00:06:00,298 --> 00:06:01,579 What's the matter, Nicholas? 74 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:03,791 Nothing. 75 00:06:04,761 --> 00:06:06,636 But while Fred grew worse... 76 00:06:06,806 --> 00:06:09,924 ... Nicholas grew more generous and eventually... 77 00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:12,341 ... he fulfilled his mother's prophecy. 78 00:06:12,519 --> 00:06:16,387 In manhood, he literally became a saint. 79 00:06:17,398 --> 00:06:21,064 Now, it's a little-known rule of sainthood, but when you become a saint... 80 00:06:21,236 --> 00:06:24,854 ... you freeze in time, eternally ageless. 81 00:06:25,032 --> 00:06:29,824 The rule applies to the family of the saint and the spouses, as well. 82 00:06:29,995 --> 00:06:34,538 Now, you probably already have your suspicions of what became of Saint Nick. 83 00:06:34,708 --> 00:06:39,371 The world grew to know and love him as Santa Claus. 84 00:06:40,006 --> 00:06:44,880 But as I told you before, this is a story about Fred. 85 00:06:45,427 --> 00:06:48,878 And the next part of Fred's story occurs in a time and place... 86 00:06:49,055 --> 00:06:51,380 ... that might be a little more familiar to you. 87 00:06:55,687 --> 00:06:59,222 Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! Everybody loves Christmas! 88 00:06:59,650 --> 00:07:03,695 Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! Everybody loves Christmas! 89 00:07:03,862 --> 00:07:07,812 Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! Everybody loves Christmas! 90 00:07:07,992 --> 00:07:12,321 Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! Everybody loves Christmas! 91 00:07:12,538 --> 00:07:15,325 You can't take my television! I watch that in bed! 92 00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:16,614 Are you nuts? 93 00:07:16,793 --> 00:07:19,911 You can't just run up and kick someone like that. How old are you? 94 00:07:20,171 --> 00:07:21,664 - Nine. - Nine? 95 00:07:21,839 --> 00:07:24,128 And you have a 55-inch Plasma TV in your room? 96 00:07:24,300 --> 00:07:26,292 Santa got it for me for Christmas last year. 97 00:07:26,469 --> 00:07:29,173 The guy in the red suit's not looking out for your future. 98 00:07:29,347 --> 00:07:30,805 You're gonna get hooked on that. 99 00:07:30,973 --> 00:07:33,511 I can see it now. Sixteen thousand bags of Cheetos later... 100 00:07:33,684 --> 00:07:37,136 ...you'll wake up, you're 35, crying about your life in front of the soaps. 101 00:07:37,314 --> 00:07:40,480 I did you a favor. You get outside, play around, make some friends. 102 00:07:40,650 --> 00:07:42,607 Play kick the can, do some athletic stuff. 103 00:07:42,777 --> 00:07:44,651 Go to school, you're comfortable to play sports. 104 00:07:44,821 --> 00:07:48,439 You have any ethnic in your background? Any ethnicity in your background? 105 00:07:48,616 --> 00:07:50,858 I bet you do, it's America. You know what I mean? 106 00:07:51,035 --> 00:07:52,827 Put it on the application for college. 107 00:07:53,078 --> 00:07:56,530 All of a sudden, you get a little extra money. Uncle Sam's none the wiser. 108 00:07:56,707 --> 00:07:58,914 You take that extra money, you buy a motorcycle. 109 00:07:59,084 --> 00:08:02,585 Maybe you meet a guy at school. Then you'll get pregnant with child. 110 00:08:02,755 --> 00:08:05,293 It works out with the guy, doesn't work out, who cares? 111 00:08:05,467 --> 00:08:07,424 You're blessed to have a kid in your life. 112 00:08:07,593 --> 00:08:10,714 You'll be athletic. You're gonna be a moderate-to-lukewarm student. 113 00:08:10,889 --> 00:08:13,558 And you're gonna have a child before you graduate college. 114 00:08:13,725 --> 00:08:16,512 Who are you gonna have to thank? Not the guy in the red suit. 115 00:08:16,686 --> 00:08:17,766 But your pal, Fred. 116 00:08:19,022 --> 00:08:22,557 Sometimes it hurts to grow! Hey, guy, you got a girl that kicks. 117 00:08:22,735 --> 00:08:26,151 Is that from you or is that because you use the TV as a babysitter? 118 00:08:26,322 --> 00:08:29,939 Don't pay your bills again! Next time I'll come and take your wife from you! 119 00:08:30,116 --> 00:08:33,401 Plasma goes to my place. Pack it separately, make sure it doesn't scratch. 120 00:08:33,578 --> 00:08:38,038 Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! Everybody loves... 121 00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:05,940 Catch it, catch it, catch it one time. 122 00:09:06,445 --> 00:09:08,770 Come on, come on, come on, just a little bit. 123 00:09:08,947 --> 00:09:12,696 That's it, just easy, easy. Damn it. 124 00:09:18,123 --> 00:09:21,409 - Mind changing the station for me, pal? - It's your buck, buddy. 125 00:09:23,462 --> 00:09:25,206 Can you change that again, please? 126 00:09:25,882 --> 00:09:28,004 Come on, I like that one. That's a good one. 127 00:09:29,427 --> 00:09:30,707 Can you pull over, please? 128 00:09:30,886 --> 00:09:34,754 - Come on, we're still 15 blocks from the... - Just pull the cab over, please. 129 00:09:40,146 --> 00:09:42,434 Wanda, you have never been more attractive to me. 130 00:09:43,024 --> 00:09:46,226 Freddie, I'm mad at you. No, I'm seriously mad at you. 131 00:09:46,569 --> 00:09:48,644 Two whole days, you don't call me. 132 00:09:48,821 --> 00:09:52,985 I try and have a conversation with you about our moving in together... 133 00:09:53,158 --> 00:09:56,860 ...and then you just disappear. - Sweetheart, I did not just disappear. 134 00:09:57,038 --> 00:10:00,952 I found myself in a business opportunity with a sheik. From India. 135 00:10:01,125 --> 00:10:02,999 A sh... There aren't any sheiks in India! 136 00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:05,957 Don't tell that to this guy. I had to go on a yoga retreat. 137 00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:10,087 But to be honest with you, my chi... really strong right now. 138 00:10:10,259 --> 00:10:12,465 Freddie, do you know what tomorrow is? 139 00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:14,007 - Tomorrow? - Yeah. 140 00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:15,840 Yeah, I know what tomorrow is. 141 00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:17,972 - What is it? - Tomorrow is tomorrow. 142 00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:23,052 And today is today, and we shouldn't be wasting it arguing with each other. 143 00:10:23,231 --> 00:10:28,023 No, Freddie, apart from that, all right. What is the significance of tomorrow? 144 00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:31,895 What you're referring to in this conversation is the day after today? 145 00:10:32,281 --> 00:10:33,527 - Yes. - You're asking me... 146 00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:36,155 What I'm trying to say is that when it gets to midnight... 147 00:10:36,327 --> 00:10:40,990 ...and then it's one minute past midnight, tomorrow begins, then it is my birthday! 148 00:10:41,667 --> 00:10:43,077 - That? - Oh, no. 149 00:10:43,252 --> 00:10:47,165 I know that. The birthday thing, that I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 150 00:10:47,338 --> 00:10:49,746 Don't try and pretend you knew it was my birthday... 151 00:10:49,924 --> 00:10:51,751 ...because I know you. You didn't know. 152 00:10:51,927 --> 00:10:53,883 - I do know it's your birthday. - You forgot. 153 00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:57,304 I have a surprise planned for you for your birthday but you ruined it. 154 00:10:57,473 --> 00:11:00,594 That's what I need, surprises. Remember our three-year anniversary? 155 00:11:00,769 --> 00:11:04,055 You told me to brush up on French, you drop hints about the Eiffel Tower... 156 00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:07,018 ...and then you took me gambling on a riverboat in Indiana. 157 00:11:07,192 --> 00:11:09,268 The French thing was to get you off the scent. 158 00:11:09,444 --> 00:11:12,529 The thing about it was that I bought those French books on tape. 159 00:11:12,698 --> 00:11:14,073 I studied for three weeks. 160 00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:17,574 That French is yours, that's a part of you, no one can take that away. 161 00:11:20,747 --> 00:11:22,241 Can I get you a cup of coffee? 162 00:11:22,415 --> 00:11:24,454 I just can't stay mad at you. 163 00:11:24,626 --> 00:11:27,497 Freddie, will you tell me about the surprise? 164 00:11:27,671 --> 00:11:29,960 If I tell you, it would no longer be a surprise. 165 00:11:30,131 --> 00:11:31,507 I know, I know, but... 166 00:11:31,675 --> 00:11:33,882 Yeah, you're right. You shouldn't tell me, then. 167 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:40,679 You know what? 168 00:11:40,851 --> 00:11:43,556 I'm gonna tell you about the surprise. It's not a surprise. 169 00:11:43,729 --> 00:11:46,302 You already know what it is, so it's not a surprise. 170 00:11:46,482 --> 00:11:49,732 So this time, on this specific occasion, I'll let you know what it is. 171 00:11:50,111 --> 00:11:51,273 - It's a dinner. - Yeah. 172 00:11:51,445 --> 00:11:55,608 At a pretty exciting new hot spot here in town called... 173 00:11:56,115 --> 00:11:58,192 ...Bonsai Palace. 174 00:11:58,452 --> 00:12:01,785 Oh, that sounds familiar, Bonsai Palace. 175 00:12:03,540 --> 00:12:05,414 - Yeah. - You're not making this up? 176 00:12:05,584 --> 00:12:08,585 If we go to Bonsai Palace, it's gonna exist? It's gonna be there? 177 00:12:08,754 --> 00:12:13,131 Absolutely, it's a hot spot. Think romance, and think getting lost. 178 00:12:14,677 --> 00:12:15,709 Charlie Brown... 179 00:12:15,887 --> 00:12:20,050 ... you're the only person I know who can take a wonderful season like Christmas... 180 00:12:20,224 --> 00:12:21,766 ... and turn it into a problem. 181 00:12:21,934 --> 00:12:24,390 Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns... 182 00:12:24,562 --> 00:12:25,594 My man, Fred. 183 00:12:25,772 --> 00:12:27,515 Don't come in bouncing off the walls. 184 00:12:27,690 --> 00:12:31,140 If you can come in here, relaxed and be a gentleman, then you can come in. 185 00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:33,311 - Can you do that? You want some milk? - Yeah. 186 00:12:33,488 --> 00:12:35,693 Okay. Don't be playing with the channels... 187 00:12:35,865 --> 00:12:38,356 ...and putting on videos and dancing, it's exhausting. 188 00:12:38,534 --> 00:12:40,028 Okay. 189 00:12:40,202 --> 00:12:42,361 Do you gotta go over the couch? With the feet. 190 00:12:42,538 --> 00:12:44,366 The feet are dirty, the couch is clean. 191 00:12:44,540 --> 00:12:46,414 - You put the feet off the thing. - My bad. 192 00:12:46,584 --> 00:12:49,075 - Do you want the milk? - Yeah, go get that milk. 193 00:12:49,462 --> 00:12:53,792 Yo, Fred. I asked Santa for a puppy this year. I'm gonna name him Macaroni. 194 00:12:53,966 --> 00:12:57,632 I don't know how Santa's gonna know where to bring me my gifts this year... 195 00:12:57,804 --> 00:12:59,595 ...because I don't know where I'll be. 196 00:12:59,932 --> 00:13:02,468 Because you know how sometimes, if my grandma's sick... 197 00:13:02,641 --> 00:13:04,681 ...I end up staying over at my aunt's. 198 00:13:04,852 --> 00:13:07,853 Most of the time, we just end up staying over at her boyfriend's. 199 00:13:08,022 --> 00:13:10,145 What you think, Fred? Think Santa'll find me? 200 00:13:10,316 --> 00:13:12,772 - Slam, you ever thought about Santa? - Not really. 201 00:13:12,943 --> 00:13:16,478 The guy's in a big red suit flying around because he craves the spotlight. 202 00:13:16,656 --> 00:13:18,815 He's a fame junkie. The guy's a clown. 203 00:13:18,992 --> 00:13:21,115 He's a megalomaniac. It's all a big shell game. 204 00:13:21,286 --> 00:13:23,693 He presents himself like, "Look at me, I'm so nice." 205 00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:26,244 He's getting paid. He's got a whole thing happening. 206 00:13:26,416 --> 00:13:29,085 Know they sell more Santa statues along with trinkets... 207 00:13:29,294 --> 00:13:30,669 ...than they do of Buddha? 208 00:13:30,838 --> 00:13:33,957 Oh, the big fat dude that be in the nail salon? He be like: 209 00:13:34,132 --> 00:13:37,500 Don't be a cheerleader for Santa Claus. Think about it, watch the angles. 210 00:13:37,676 --> 00:13:38,875 Don't drink the Kool-Aid. 211 00:13:39,053 --> 00:13:41,212 - I like Kool-Aid. - Don't drink this Kool-Aid. 212 00:13:41,431 --> 00:13:43,139 You not gonna ask Santa for nothing? 213 00:13:43,391 --> 00:13:47,520 Slam, I get what I want without charity from Santa. Two hands on the milk. 214 00:13:47,687 --> 00:13:49,894 - Two hands. - Two hands if you're gonna drink. 215 00:13:50,065 --> 00:13:53,149 I'm about to step into a lucrative business situation right now. 216 00:13:53,318 --> 00:13:54,895 I'm working. I'm creating assets. 217 00:13:55,070 --> 00:13:56,814 You know? I'm starting a new business. 218 00:13:56,988 --> 00:13:58,697 - A ass what? - Assets. 219 00:13:58,865 --> 00:14:01,190 - What that mean? - Get your mind out of the gutter. 220 00:14:01,994 --> 00:14:03,903 Please, Leon, it's gotta be the spot. 221 00:14:04,079 --> 00:14:06,452 You gotta come up with the full 50,000 by the 20th. 222 00:14:06,624 --> 00:14:09,459 The only way I can hold it. People are breathing down my neck. 223 00:14:09,627 --> 00:14:13,375 I got the money. Maybe we're not underst... I got the money. 224 00:14:13,547 --> 00:14:16,252 It's not about the money. It's liquidating the money. 225 00:14:16,424 --> 00:14:20,636 I have to get the money in a liquid situation so that I can pour it. 226 00:14:20,929 --> 00:14:23,467 Listen, what's the largest growth industry in America? 227 00:14:23,641 --> 00:14:25,016 It's gambling, right? 228 00:14:25,183 --> 00:14:28,137 This space we're standing in right now, in three months' time... 229 00:14:28,312 --> 00:14:30,434 ...will be the most-trafficked OTB in the city. 230 00:14:30,606 --> 00:14:33,442 We're across the street from the Chicago Mercantile Exchange. 231 00:14:33,692 --> 00:14:37,275 So every day when the market closes and the day traders hit the streets... 232 00:14:37,447 --> 00:14:41,575 ...this is where they're gonna come, Leon. It means everything to me. Please. 233 00:14:41,742 --> 00:14:44,150 Listen, I don't wanna hear no futzing from you, pal. 234 00:14:44,329 --> 00:14:46,237 I need it by the 22nd. The best I can do. 235 00:14:46,496 --> 00:14:48,988 Whatever. It's gonna be fi... We're gonna work it out. 236 00:14:49,166 --> 00:14:51,788 - I wanna hear you say the 22nd. - It's gonna be perfect. 237 00:14:51,961 --> 00:14:54,748 - 22nd is perfect. - Likely the 22nd, or the 23rd, either way. 238 00:14:54,922 --> 00:14:57,876 22nd and that's it. That's the best I can do. And that's it. 239 00:14:58,050 --> 00:15:01,253 No more. Icky, but done. But if it's the 23rd... 240 00:15:01,428 --> 00:15:02,626 Done. 241 00:15:03,431 --> 00:15:04,759 - Twenty-second. - Two-two. 242 00:15:10,814 --> 00:15:12,723 - Thanks. - Thank you. 243 00:15:12,898 --> 00:15:14,726 Thank you. 244 00:15:15,443 --> 00:15:17,235 Merry Christmas! 245 00:15:17,570 --> 00:15:18,851 All right, ladies and gentlemen! 246 00:15:19,030 --> 00:15:22,149 Step up for everyone's favorite charity, People Help the People! 247 00:15:22,325 --> 00:15:25,112 Hey there, give me a hug! You gorgeous leopard. 248 00:15:25,286 --> 00:15:27,112 Who's the queen of the jungle? You are! 249 00:15:27,287 --> 00:15:30,538 Let me see what we got. Oh, I like it. Come on, I like how you do it! 250 00:15:30,708 --> 00:15:32,950 Rock me with some paper! Dig deeper. 251 00:15:33,128 --> 00:15:35,037 And another 20. Let me see what you got. 252 00:15:35,212 --> 00:15:38,250 I'll take both of them. Whatever. Merry Christmas to you. 253 00:15:38,425 --> 00:15:39,456 Hey, lady! 254 00:15:39,634 --> 00:15:42,800 If you want salvation, no army can give it to you, only people can! 255 00:15:42,971 --> 00:15:45,889 Bring your action down here! That's it. Give me that action. 256 00:15:46,057 --> 00:15:49,141 - We only help the people out. - What do you think you're doing? 257 00:15:49,311 --> 00:15:52,894 Just give me a second. I'll deal with you in a minute. Don't crowd my action. 258 00:15:53,064 --> 00:15:55,140 Then help some of these people out this year. 259 00:15:55,316 --> 00:15:58,103 Merry Christmas. You're beautiful, great. Get out of here. 260 00:15:58,277 --> 00:16:01,232 I don't see your permit. You need a permit to work this street. 261 00:16:01,406 --> 00:16:04,193 Okay. I don't answer to you, buddy. I answer to the people. 262 00:16:04,367 --> 00:16:07,818 - Mind your own business, please. - The Salvation Army is my business! 263 00:16:07,995 --> 00:16:10,404 - What's going on? - This guy's working without papers! 264 00:16:10,582 --> 00:16:14,117 - And he's bashing the Salvation Army! - I'm not bashing the Salvation Army. 265 00:16:14,294 --> 00:16:18,043 I never bashed anything. That wasn't bashing anybody. Don't make up lies. 266 00:16:18,215 --> 00:16:19,591 Show me your papers, clown. 267 00:16:19,758 --> 00:16:21,834 Papers? What are you from, the 1950s? 268 00:16:22,011 --> 00:16:25,296 Look up People Help the People on the Internet, you'll see a picture. 269 00:16:25,473 --> 00:16:27,381 Why don't you step into the 21 st century? 270 00:16:27,557 --> 00:16:28,720 Right. Call the cops, man. 271 00:16:28,893 --> 00:16:30,683 You got a cop right there! 272 00:16:30,852 --> 00:16:32,430 - Where? - Right over there. 273 00:16:34,814 --> 00:16:36,059 Stop, thief! 274 00:16:37,025 --> 00:16:38,852 Somebody call the cops! 275 00:16:39,402 --> 00:16:41,561 - Cut him off! - He's an impostor! 276 00:16:43,490 --> 00:16:44,688 Take his legs out! 277 00:16:47,787 --> 00:16:50,455 - Come on! Help us out! Help us out! - Get him! 278 00:17:04,345 --> 00:17:05,458 Get out of the way! 279 00:17:29,495 --> 00:17:30,906 We got him! 280 00:17:33,083 --> 00:17:35,158 - You guys got him! - Come on! Come on! 281 00:17:35,876 --> 00:17:37,158 Let's dance. Let's dance! 282 00:17:37,337 --> 00:17:38,878 Come on, he can't take us all! 283 00:17:39,380 --> 00:17:42,879 Only one man's gonna walk away from this thing, and I promise you... 284 00:17:43,050 --> 00:17:47,095 ...it'll be the lightning quick dude with the big yellow things in his hands. Dig it? 285 00:17:58,316 --> 00:17:59,975 Nice hat, Santa! 286 00:18:00,151 --> 00:18:01,645 Wanda, are you there? 287 00:18:01,820 --> 00:18:03,895 Can you hear me? It's Fred calling. 288 00:18:04,072 --> 00:18:07,239 Kind of important you pick up right now. Are you at the restaurant? 289 00:18:26,969 --> 00:18:29,924 Give a call when you get a chance, as soon as possible. Okay? 290 00:18:30,098 --> 00:18:32,850 Hopefully, I'll talk to you soon. Bye. 291 00:18:34,686 --> 00:18:37,722 Yeah, she's not picking up the phone, so... 292 00:18:38,565 --> 00:18:42,230 What the hell, it's Christmas. Go ahead, make another call. 293 00:18:47,073 --> 00:18:48,615 Oh, boy. 294 00:18:49,951 --> 00:18:54,613 No, there's not even a hint of gray left. It's gone totally white. 295 00:18:54,873 --> 00:18:57,115 Honey, you think I'd look silly if I dyed it? 296 00:18:57,291 --> 00:19:00,127 You have a nice full head of hair, honey. 297 00:19:00,295 --> 00:19:02,833 It's white, though. Prematurely white. 298 00:19:03,006 --> 00:19:06,256 Oh, Nick. You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. 299 00:19:06,426 --> 00:19:08,051 I am not stressed out. 300 00:19:08,219 --> 00:19:11,221 I just got a lot on my mind is all. 301 00:19:12,558 --> 00:19:14,052 You seem upset. 302 00:19:14,226 --> 00:19:17,844 Sweetie, we're 2 percent behind our delivery quota of last year. 303 00:19:18,021 --> 00:19:20,098 And last year, we barely made it. Want cookie. 304 00:19:20,274 --> 00:19:22,562 Sweetie, you cannot keep eating your stress away. 305 00:19:22,734 --> 00:19:25,521 I mean, it's a bit odd that they're checking up on me now. 306 00:19:26,029 --> 00:19:29,315 I mean, they've never sent an efficiency expert before. Why now? 307 00:19:34,830 --> 00:19:35,862 - Nick? - Fred! 308 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,792 - Oh, Nick. - How's things there, Fred? 309 00:19:38,959 --> 00:19:41,960 God, it's good hearing your voice. How've things been with you? 310 00:19:42,129 --> 00:19:45,249 Oh, well, fine, fine. You know, business is crazy... 311 00:19:45,424 --> 00:19:48,211 ...but we're swell, we're swell. How are you, huh? 312 00:19:48,385 --> 00:19:50,674 That's great. I'm really happy for you, Nick. 313 00:19:50,847 --> 00:19:53,219 The Christmas thing is taking off. That's awesome. 314 00:19:53,391 --> 00:19:54,766 Yeah, it's catching on. Yeah. 315 00:19:54,934 --> 00:19:57,934 So, what's up, Fred? Is there anything I can do for you? 316 00:19:58,103 --> 00:20:02,812 If you really wanted to send me a gift, I guess it would be okay if you sent... 317 00:20:02,983 --> 00:20:06,435 ... $5000 to the police station in Michigan Avenue in my name. 318 00:20:06,612 --> 00:20:08,355 Five thousand dollars? 319 00:20:08,530 --> 00:20:10,903 I'm fine, by the way. I don 't... I'm fine. 320 00:20:11,075 --> 00:20:13,827 - I'm okay, but so you know, l... - Hold on a second, Fred. 321 00:20:13,995 --> 00:20:15,786 I don't know what this is about... 322 00:20:15,955 --> 00:20:19,406 ...but I know it can't be good. - It sounds like he's in a tough spot. 323 00:20:19,584 --> 00:20:21,411 If you wanna do something for him... 324 00:20:21,586 --> 00:20:25,880 ...I know it's hard, but you need to practice tough love, honey. 325 00:20:26,049 --> 00:20:27,958 - I'm a saint, sweetheart. - Tough love. 326 00:20:28,135 --> 00:20:30,008 Tough love's a little difficult for me. 327 00:20:30,177 --> 00:20:31,588 Try for me, baby. 328 00:20:34,264 --> 00:20:35,640 - Hey, Fred? - Hey. 329 00:20:35,808 --> 00:20:39,508 So, 5 grand, Michigan Avenue Police Station... 330 00:20:39,812 --> 00:20:41,010 ...done. 331 00:20:41,397 --> 00:20:44,813 - Merry Christmas, Fred. - Nick, that is... I really appreciate it, man. 332 00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:50,356 You know what? I'm gonna give you a gift this year. 333 00:20:50,532 --> 00:20:53,318 Yeah, I am, Nick. I'm gonna give you $ 10,000 for Christmas. 334 00:20:53,493 --> 00:20:55,616 Merry Christmas. Okay, how's that feel? 335 00:20:57,497 --> 00:21:01,246 That's... I don't understand, though. I'm giving you 5, Fred, so... 336 00:21:01,418 --> 00:21:03,494 You gotta be open to someone trying to give... 337 00:21:03,671 --> 00:21:05,958 ...because it feels good for other people to give. 338 00:21:06,130 --> 00:21:08,751 Go ahead, just send me $50,000 on top of the 5, okay? 339 00:21:08,925 --> 00:21:11,712 Then hold your breath, let me go and blow that up into 60. 340 00:21:11,886 --> 00:21:15,931 Then I'm gonna give you $ 10,000 off the top with the original $50,000 back... 341 00:21:16,099 --> 00:21:18,554 ...so that way I gave you $ 10,000, you gave me $5000. 342 00:21:18,727 --> 00:21:20,886 I gave you $5000. Merry Christmas. 343 00:21:21,063 --> 00:21:24,894 Wait, wait, wait a second, Fred. 344 00:21:25,067 --> 00:21:28,068 - Fifty thousand dollars on top of the 5? - What? What? 345 00:21:28,236 --> 00:21:31,107 That's just icing on the cake. I have a deal going on. 346 00:21:31,282 --> 00:21:33,737 Nick, do me a favor, don't make this complicated. 347 00:21:33,909 --> 00:21:37,610 I'm in the spirit. Let one brother give another brother a gift for Christmas. 348 00:21:37,788 --> 00:21:39,661 I feel great about it. Let me feel good? 349 00:21:40,540 --> 00:21:42,579 - Please. - All right. All right, all right. 350 00:21:42,751 --> 00:21:45,206 Fred, fine. Look, I'll tell you what... 351 00:21:45,378 --> 00:21:48,747 ... I will pay the 5000 for your bail, okay? 352 00:21:48,923 --> 00:21:53,633 But if you want the rest of this, then you're just gonna have to come up here. 353 00:21:53,887 --> 00:21:57,091 - No! - Yes! You earn that money! 354 00:21:57,266 --> 00:22:00,385 I don't think that's a good idea, me and you to be with each other. 355 00:22:00,561 --> 00:22:03,597 You know something? You've never come up here to visit. 356 00:22:03,772 --> 00:22:04,970 Not even once. 357 00:22:12,740 --> 00:22:15,610 What is it exactly...? What would I need to be doing up there? 358 00:22:16,326 --> 00:22:19,078 Shave a few reindeer, sprinkle the doodads on the cookies... 359 00:22:19,246 --> 00:22:22,532 ...put the stars up where the little guys can't reach them. It's easy. 360 00:22:23,042 --> 00:22:26,624 I'd have to have a hard out by the 22nd. That's when I have my deal happening. 361 00:22:26,795 --> 00:22:29,287 Okay. Twenty-second. 362 00:22:29,465 --> 00:22:32,382 This isn't about me coming up, then you having Mom ambush me... 363 00:22:32,551 --> 00:22:35,636 Come on. I'm not gonna go running to Mom. 364 00:22:36,472 --> 00:22:40,091 I have no idea why you won't send 50 so I can blow it into 60 and give you 10. 365 00:22:40,268 --> 00:22:45,772 I'm sorry. I'm gonna practice tough love on you, buddy. All right? 366 00:22:45,941 --> 00:22:47,399 And I'm telling you right now... 367 00:22:47,567 --> 00:22:51,895 ...if you do not agree, then I am sorry, but I cannot pay your bail. 368 00:22:55,241 --> 00:22:57,862 Wanda, can you buzz me in? It's Fred. 369 00:22:58,035 --> 00:22:59,696 Hey, sweetheart, I know you're home! 370 00:23:00,413 --> 00:23:02,785 Freddie, go home. I don't wanna talk to you. Go home! 371 00:23:02,957 --> 00:23:06,456 Okay, Wanda, I just wanted to get a chance to come by and explain. 372 00:23:06,628 --> 00:23:10,626 Oh, explain? You wanna explain to me my romantic surprise birthday dinner? 373 00:23:10,798 --> 00:23:13,634 I was working for the People Help People charity organization. 374 00:23:13,801 --> 00:23:15,960 I was chased by 30 Santa Clauses! 375 00:23:16,137 --> 00:23:18,509 Shut up down there! People are trying to sleep! 376 00:23:18,682 --> 00:23:22,051 - I'm telling you the truth. - She doesn't believe you, pal! So get lost! 377 00:23:22,227 --> 00:23:26,271 Hey, Jerry Garcia, I'm having a talk with someone who l... You're the worst. 378 00:23:26,438 --> 00:23:29,144 Fred, will you go home right this minute! 379 00:23:29,316 --> 00:23:33,101 Wanda, there's this unfortunate business situation I have to leave for tonight. 380 00:23:33,279 --> 00:23:34,394 You what? 381 00:23:34,572 --> 00:23:37,822 Look, this is a business situation that I'm in with my brother. 382 00:23:37,992 --> 00:23:40,994 When we first met, I said, "Have you got a brother or a sister?" 383 00:23:41,162 --> 00:23:42,870 And you said, "No, Wanda, I don't!" 384 00:23:43,039 --> 00:23:45,494 I have a bro... I have the same mother and father... 385 00:23:45,667 --> 00:23:49,167 ...but I never felt like I had a brother. The courts would tell me I would. 386 00:23:49,337 --> 00:23:52,007 - No, listen to me... - I am through with this relationship! 387 00:23:52,174 --> 00:23:54,629 - I'm not through with this. - I can't take it anymore. 388 00:23:54,802 --> 00:23:56,295 - I can't take it! - I can take it. 389 00:23:56,470 --> 00:23:58,758 Freddie, I think I'm gonna go back to London. 390 00:23:58,930 --> 00:24:01,468 So good luck with your brother, if he even exists! 391 00:24:01,641 --> 00:24:05,224 - Good luck. I can't take it. - It'll rain in London, you won't be happy... 392 00:24:05,854 --> 00:24:07,229 Wanda! 393 00:24:09,357 --> 00:24:10,900 Fred, I need you! 394 00:24:11,067 --> 00:24:13,475 - Not now, I'm in a hurry. - Pretend to be my father. 395 00:24:14,070 --> 00:24:16,359 - What are you talking about? - He's in here. 396 00:24:20,493 --> 00:24:23,364 - Who are you? - I'm the boy's father. Who are you? 397 00:24:23,706 --> 00:24:27,703 We're with Child Services, sir. We're here to remove this minor from an unfit home. 398 00:24:28,044 --> 00:24:31,128 According to our records, his father passed away a year ago. 399 00:24:33,423 --> 00:24:35,332 I thought you said that your dad was... 400 00:24:37,135 --> 00:24:38,962 All right, come here a second. 401 00:24:40,555 --> 00:24:42,714 You can't count on anyone, Slam. 402 00:24:43,308 --> 00:24:45,847 You gotta always look out for yourself. 403 00:24:46,979 --> 00:24:48,603 And you know how to do that, right? 404 00:24:50,065 --> 00:24:51,263 Yeah. 405 00:24:59,242 --> 00:25:00,570 Let's get something straight. 406 00:25:00,744 --> 00:25:04,278 If you're waiting for me to sing " The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow" on the way... 407 00:25:04,455 --> 00:25:06,826 ...you're wasting your time. Let's go. 408 00:25:38,448 --> 00:25:40,107 Are you Fred? 409 00:25:40,282 --> 00:25:41,481 Yeah. 410 00:25:51,085 --> 00:25:52,876 Can I see some identification, please? 411 00:26:05,516 --> 00:26:08,767 Well, nice to meet you, Fred. My name is Willie. I'm Santa's head elf. 412 00:26:08,937 --> 00:26:11,393 I wouldn't have known that. 413 00:26:11,565 --> 00:26:14,235 So just the one bag? Just the one carry on? I'll get it. 414 00:26:14,401 --> 00:26:16,108 - Are you sure? - Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. 415 00:26:17,737 --> 00:26:22,066 - Okay, I'll help you get... - No, no. I got it. I got it. Okay. 416 00:26:24,494 --> 00:26:27,994 - I'll just grab this here. That's okay. - I could've gotten it. 417 00:26:28,164 --> 00:26:31,118 If I had one more little shot at it, I would've been just fine. 418 00:26:45,098 --> 00:26:46,427 Come on. 419 00:26:55,526 --> 00:26:57,851 So listen, I'm not so big on all this flying... 420 00:27:04,284 --> 00:27:05,613 Whoa, okay. 421 00:27:24,847 --> 00:27:26,886 We'll start our descent to the North Pole. 422 00:27:27,057 --> 00:27:29,975 We know you don't have an option traveling to the North Pole... 423 00:27:30,144 --> 00:27:33,560 ...but we appreciate your business, and I really enjoyed the conversation. 424 00:27:33,730 --> 00:27:35,308 Okay, is this gonna be a steep...? 425 00:28:04,929 --> 00:28:07,217 Really? The hockey stop? 426 00:28:07,390 --> 00:28:10,390 Yeah, there's a passenger back here, in case you didn't remember. 427 00:28:10,559 --> 00:28:12,766 Oh, sorry. Least you didn't throw up. 428 00:28:35,876 --> 00:28:38,961 Watch your step there. Well, here it is. 429 00:28:39,839 --> 00:28:41,962 Main Street, North Pole. 430 00:28:42,133 --> 00:28:44,256 Pretty, isn't it? 431 00:28:44,427 --> 00:28:45,625 Workshop's behind you. 432 00:28:54,020 --> 00:28:58,315 Mr. Claus? Hi. Hello. Welcome to the North Pole. It's so nice to have you here. 433 00:28:58,483 --> 00:28:59,942 I'm Santa's Little Helper. 434 00:29:00,110 --> 00:29:03,111 I am sorry to rush you, but we have to keep Santa on schedule... 435 00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:07,442 ...because we are 439 hours, 22 minutes, and 3 seconds until C-Day. 436 00:29:07,742 --> 00:29:10,315 Charlene's as good with numbers as she is beautiful. 437 00:29:11,495 --> 00:29:14,034 Oh, thank you. Thank you... 438 00:29:15,208 --> 00:29:16,951 - Willie. - Willie! 439 00:29:17,669 --> 00:29:19,495 Thank you, Willie. 440 00:29:25,176 --> 00:29:27,004 So I'm expecting Santa in 26 seconds. 441 00:29:28,847 --> 00:29:32,347 Big Red is entering Zone One. I repeat, Big Red is entering Zone One. 442 00:29:34,728 --> 00:29:36,685 - Allergies. - He's got a gun! 443 00:29:42,902 --> 00:29:44,397 Oh, no, no. 444 00:29:48,283 --> 00:29:50,406 What's happening? Stop it! 445 00:29:50,578 --> 00:29:55,785 - What's happening? Stop it! - No, no, no, boys! Boys! Boys, easy! 446 00:29:57,460 --> 00:29:59,168 Oh, Fred. 447 00:29:59,879 --> 00:30:00,910 That was nuts! 448 00:30:02,048 --> 00:30:05,297 What is happening here? You don't have ninjas jump me when I first... 449 00:30:05,468 --> 00:30:08,006 - What kind of greeting is that? - Excuse the guys... 450 00:30:08,178 --> 00:30:10,219 ...it's the month before Christmas, a tense time. 451 00:30:10,389 --> 00:30:13,889 They get jumpy. They gotta make sure nothing happens to me. 452 00:30:14,059 --> 00:30:16,810 Maybe something should happen to them. Maybe I give them something. 453 00:30:16,979 --> 00:30:19,434 It won't happen again. They won't do it again. 454 00:30:19,606 --> 00:30:23,355 - You gotta put these guys on a leash. - I got you. I'm on top of it, ASAP. 455 00:30:23,820 --> 00:30:26,145 You remember Annette. Say hey to Annette. Annette. 456 00:30:26,322 --> 00:30:29,441 Annette, you didn't have to go get all gussied up on my account. 457 00:30:29,825 --> 00:30:32,826 That last stint in jail has sharpened that rapier wit of yours. 458 00:30:32,995 --> 00:30:36,115 That's great. I'm here for you and I really can't do enough for you. 459 00:30:36,290 --> 00:30:40,158 Really? I thought you were here to take advantage of your well-meaning brother. 460 00:30:40,336 --> 00:30:42,127 Oh, ho, okay. 461 00:30:43,256 --> 00:30:45,544 Family's together again. Fun, fun, fun. 462 00:30:45,717 --> 00:30:48,801 Hey, Fred, I've already made your sleeping arrangements for you. 463 00:30:48,970 --> 00:30:51,804 I have put you with Willie. 464 00:30:51,973 --> 00:30:53,466 Well, here we are. 465 00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:56,345 Oh, watch your head there. Come on in. 466 00:30:57,603 --> 00:31:00,273 Here it is. What do you think? 467 00:31:01,106 --> 00:31:03,265 Smurfy. Very Smurfy. 468 00:31:05,611 --> 00:31:08,150 To be honest, I don't get many house guests. 469 00:31:08,364 --> 00:31:10,441 No one's slept in that bunk for 100 years. 470 00:31:10,783 --> 00:31:12,907 Good night, Willie. Thank you for having me. 471 00:31:13,077 --> 00:31:14,406 Good night, Fred. 472 00:31:15,413 --> 00:31:18,580 You sure you wouldn't be more comfortable down here on the bottom? 473 00:31:18,750 --> 00:31:21,621 I don't think it's gonna make much of a difference, Willie. 474 00:31:21,795 --> 00:31:24,499 - Okay. Night, Fred. - Good night. 475 00:31:33,598 --> 00:31:37,643 Willie, just for the record, I'm not really a morning person. 476 00:31:38,186 --> 00:31:42,349 Well, Santa did ask me to give you a full orientation of the gift-giving process... 477 00:31:42,524 --> 00:31:45,478 ...so we'd better get a move on here. 478 00:31:52,659 --> 00:31:55,661 Here it is, Fred, Santa's Workshop. 479 00:32:11,220 --> 00:32:14,386 It all starts with a kid and a letter. 480 00:32:14,931 --> 00:32:17,505 All over the world, children are writing to Santa... 481 00:32:17,685 --> 00:32:19,724 ... asking for what they want for Christmas. 482 00:32:20,521 --> 00:32:22,181 Dear Santa... 483 00:32:22,356 --> 00:32:25,440 ... all I want for Christmas is an orange bicycle... 484 00:32:25,610 --> 00:32:27,318 ... with banana handlebars. 485 00:32:27,486 --> 00:32:30,570 All the kids ' letters come here to the North Pole Post Office... 486 00:32:30,740 --> 00:32:32,816 ... the busiest in the whole world. 487 00:32:36,202 --> 00:32:39,323 Once they're sorted, the letters come straight to the Toy Factory. 488 00:32:42,376 --> 00:32:45,046 - Orange bicycle for Molly Gordon. - Put her through. 489 00:32:45,212 --> 00:32:49,340 Each and every toy that a child asks for is handmade by the elves. 490 00:32:49,508 --> 00:32:53,340 It's important to Santa that every child feels taken care of. 491 00:32:53,512 --> 00:32:56,217 Once built, the toys make their way to Packaging. 492 00:32:56,558 --> 00:33:01,552 And finally, the toys are stored until Christmas Eve, when Santa delivers them. 493 00:33:01,730 --> 00:33:03,438 It's good to know. Thank you, Willie. 494 00:33:03,606 --> 00:33:07,733 Here comes "Here Comes Santa Claus" on NP- 100. 495 00:33:08,652 --> 00:33:11,736 Oh, you're gonna love this. We have our very own DJ. 496 00:33:13,574 --> 00:33:15,234 Hey, Donnie! DJ Donnie. 497 00:33:15,493 --> 00:33:19,953 Well, well, well, it's the saint who puts the chill in the North Pole. 498 00:33:20,831 --> 00:33:24,450 Hey, hey, DJ Donnie! Say hey to my big brother, Freddie. 499 00:33:24,627 --> 00:33:27,664 Yo, brother Fred, can I get a "Ho, ho"? 500 00:33:27,839 --> 00:33:29,747 No. 501 00:33:29,924 --> 00:33:31,798 You Scrooge, you lose. 502 00:33:32,969 --> 00:33:35,128 Our Naughty-Nice Department. 503 00:33:35,305 --> 00:33:38,010 This is the key to the whole process... 504 00:33:38,183 --> 00:33:41,386 ...the nerve center of the entire operation, Fred. 505 00:33:41,895 --> 00:33:43,555 You have a Ten Most-Naughty list? 506 00:33:43,729 --> 00:33:45,272 Oh, yeah. Yeah, right now... 507 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:50,267 ...we got Johnny Rollins in Nova Scotia. He's occupying the number one spot. 508 00:33:50,445 --> 00:33:53,944 Last month he bit his father and his dentist. 509 00:33:54,115 --> 00:33:55,610 But why did he bite them? 510 00:33:55,825 --> 00:33:59,989 Well, I assume that they got their hands too close to his mouth. 511 00:34:00,162 --> 00:34:03,614 Of course, sometimes kids are both naughty and nice. 512 00:34:03,792 --> 00:34:07,742 So in that case, we do an up-to-date determination, hence... 513 00:34:08,505 --> 00:34:09,785 ...the snow globe. 514 00:34:09,965 --> 00:34:12,206 Let me show you how it works, all right? 515 00:34:12,384 --> 00:34:14,044 Timmy Jackson... 516 00:34:14,637 --> 00:34:15,799 ...New York City. 517 00:34:16,637 --> 00:34:17,669 Watch this. 518 00:34:21,392 --> 00:34:24,976 What are you doing? Get out of my room! Get out of my room! 519 00:34:28,525 --> 00:34:32,190 Oh, boy. Okay, that seems pretty cut and dried. 520 00:34:32,571 --> 00:34:34,444 What, we don't know what happens, what...? 521 00:34:34,614 --> 00:34:37,818 Good morning, Fred. Honey, may I have a word with you, please? 522 00:34:37,993 --> 00:34:41,078 You betcha. Fred, you just stay right there. Don't you move an inch. 523 00:34:41,330 --> 00:34:43,999 I better check up on the all-girls Swedish swimming team. 524 00:34:44,166 --> 00:34:45,744 I'm hoping they're naughty! 525 00:34:46,001 --> 00:34:47,959 - Fred is really motivated. - You think? 526 00:34:48,128 --> 00:34:51,461 - He's gonna be a big help here. - How you doing? Be working with you. 527 00:34:51,631 --> 00:34:53,838 The efficiency expert arrives in 15 minutes. 528 00:34:54,008 --> 00:34:56,085 - We're gonna be fine. - I know it, I know it. 529 00:34:56,261 --> 00:34:58,171 - Give me a little something. - Yes, I will. 530 00:34:59,139 --> 00:35:00,882 There we go. Alrighty. 531 00:35:01,183 --> 00:35:02,558 Let's get you to work. 532 00:35:03,226 --> 00:35:06,927 Now, I'm going to explain this to you in very simple terms, okay? 533 00:35:07,189 --> 00:35:10,973 Now, see those blue files? I want you to review those files, okay? 534 00:35:11,276 --> 00:35:14,194 If the kid strikes you as naughty... 535 00:35:15,364 --> 00:35:17,522 ...bam! Stamp him "Naughty." 536 00:35:17,700 --> 00:35:20,950 All right? But if the kid strikes you as nice... 537 00:35:21,871 --> 00:35:23,994 Yep, you stamp them "Nice." 538 00:35:24,165 --> 00:35:25,824 I'm a cog in the wheel. I am. 539 00:35:25,999 --> 00:35:29,748 Good, all right. I gotta hustle, because I gotta meet somebody right now, okay? 540 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:31,664 - Aye, aye, captain. - Captain's on deck. 541 00:35:31,838 --> 00:35:33,796 - Rest assured, my man. - Mail delivery! 542 00:35:33,966 --> 00:35:37,085 - The ship's getting steered safely! - All right, buddy. 543 00:35:37,261 --> 00:35:39,218 - Great. So this is it? - Yeah, right. 544 00:35:39,388 --> 00:35:40,882 That's just Bethesda, Maryland. 545 00:35:41,974 --> 00:35:46,138 All right, everyone. Oh, my goodness, it's "Here Comes Santa Claus!" 546 00:35:57,824 --> 00:36:00,361 You didn't have to travel by helicopter, Mr. Northcutt. 547 00:36:00,534 --> 00:36:02,242 I would've happily sent the sleigh. 548 00:36:02,411 --> 00:36:04,203 I despise reindeer. 549 00:36:06,082 --> 00:36:09,332 Would you like to settle in? We have your room ready. 550 00:36:09,585 --> 00:36:11,412 You could take a little nap. 551 00:36:11,587 --> 00:36:13,415 I don't nap. 552 00:36:13,756 --> 00:36:15,749 Well, that sounds like it's gonna be dandy. 553 00:36:15,925 --> 00:36:19,460 As you can see from the chart labeled 116-9C... 554 00:36:19,637 --> 00:36:24,300 ...the average size of a child's wish list has grown a lot in the last 200 years. 555 00:36:24,476 --> 00:36:27,927 In the 1800s, for example, children rarely asked for more than one item... 556 00:36:28,104 --> 00:36:31,308 ...and usually these items were of a intangible nature. 557 00:36:31,483 --> 00:36:35,147 Something like a family member's health or the end of war or famine. 558 00:36:35,319 --> 00:36:38,190 I remember that. Try fitting that down the chimney, huh? 559 00:36:39,741 --> 00:36:42,612 Chart 345-11 B shows that today... 560 00:36:42,786 --> 00:36:46,617 ...the average child asks for 15 gifts per letter. 561 00:36:46,790 --> 00:36:49,744 Growing child demands and increasingly complicated toy making... 562 00:36:49,918 --> 00:36:54,165 ...are putting your operation further behind each year. It's not good enough. 563 00:36:54,339 --> 00:36:58,752 Well, now, we are not here to give every child every toy that they want. 564 00:36:58,927 --> 00:37:02,972 Mr. Northcutt, part of Christmas is being grateful for the things that we can have. 565 00:37:03,307 --> 00:37:06,343 - Yes, well, if it were only that simple. - It's not? 566 00:37:06,518 --> 00:37:09,353 No. Sadly. You see... 567 00:37:09,813 --> 00:37:13,063 ...the board is seriously considering... 568 00:37:13,609 --> 00:37:14,807 ...shutting you down. 569 00:37:16,194 --> 00:37:17,273 What? 570 00:37:17,445 --> 00:37:19,189 - That's so unfair. - Shutting us down? 571 00:37:19,365 --> 00:37:20,906 Streamlining, consolidating... 572 00:37:21,075 --> 00:37:23,992 ...outsourcing an entirely new operation based at... 573 00:37:24,161 --> 00:37:26,734 ...and I know this is gonna be tough for you to hear... 574 00:37:26,914 --> 00:37:28,953 ...based at the South Pole. 575 00:37:30,626 --> 00:37:34,706 It's not just you. We're putting the tooth fairy on a one child, one tooth system. 576 00:37:34,881 --> 00:37:37,965 You lose your first tooth, get a buck, put it under the pillow. 577 00:37:38,133 --> 00:37:40,590 But then get on with your life. It's getting a bit... 578 00:37:40,762 --> 00:37:43,381 Don't you think? Also, we're gonna dump the Easter bunny. 579 00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:45,507 It just doesn't make any sense anymore. 580 00:37:45,682 --> 00:37:48,220 I mean, Easter and bunnies and eggs and all that. 581 00:37:48,393 --> 00:37:50,220 Where's the synergy? Don't get it. 582 00:37:51,063 --> 00:37:53,732 Now, let's move on to the next item on the list, shall we? 583 00:37:54,066 --> 00:37:56,688 How much are you actually feeding those elves? 584 00:38:00,698 --> 00:38:03,983 Wanda Blinkowski, Chicago, Illinois. 585 00:38:09,374 --> 00:38:10,654 Is that someone special? 586 00:38:10,833 --> 00:38:13,205 Yeah. That's my girl, there. 587 00:38:13,461 --> 00:38:16,913 Oh, no. I totally spaced out. Look, I got a quarter right here. 588 00:38:17,131 --> 00:38:19,966 Well, I'm sorry, darling, but you're two minutes too late. 589 00:38:20,133 --> 00:38:22,625 - Really? - Yeah, really. 590 00:38:22,845 --> 00:38:25,514 That must make you feel bad, having people argue with you. 591 00:38:25,681 --> 00:38:28,765 Yeah, well, it's definitely not the favorite part of my job. 592 00:38:28,935 --> 00:38:31,722 How about I make it up to you? Let me take you to dinner. 593 00:38:32,397 --> 00:38:33,428 Go to dinner with you? 594 00:38:33,606 --> 00:38:36,809 Consider it a meal and sparkling conversation. 595 00:38:37,569 --> 00:38:39,976 No, I can't. Thank you, but I can't. 596 00:38:40,154 --> 00:38:43,488 It's always painful to watch a guy crash and burn, my man. 597 00:38:43,658 --> 00:38:44,904 You have a boyfriend? 598 00:38:49,748 --> 00:38:51,574 No. No, actually, I don't. 599 00:38:51,750 --> 00:38:54,037 Well, that's a good thing. What do you say? 600 00:38:54,543 --> 00:38:56,785 Well, I'll give you a ticket. 601 00:38:57,296 --> 00:38:59,419 And I'll give you my card. 602 00:38:59,590 --> 00:39:01,298 Okay. Nice to meet you. 603 00:39:01,467 --> 00:39:03,923 This may be the best ticket I ever got. 604 00:39:04,095 --> 00:39:06,218 You gotta pay it within 30 days, you know that? 605 00:39:06,389 --> 00:39:08,429 I'll see you before then, right? 606 00:39:24,074 --> 00:39:25,568 El Paso. 607 00:39:26,159 --> 00:39:27,190 Great. 608 00:39:27,369 --> 00:39:31,662 You're not gonna believe this! Another request for "Here Comes Santa Claus!" 609 00:39:31,831 --> 00:39:34,037 This time from Beth in Accounting. Here you go! 610 00:39:34,459 --> 00:39:38,042 Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me with the "Santa Claus" again? 611 00:39:38,255 --> 00:39:39,963 Hey, DJ! 612 00:39:40,506 --> 00:39:43,128 - DJ Donnie! - What up, Fred! 613 00:39:43,301 --> 00:39:47,299 Stop playing the same song over and over again. It becomes like mental torture. 614 00:39:47,473 --> 00:39:49,382 But, Fred, it's so catchy! 615 00:39:50,309 --> 00:39:55,813 God. Okay, Donnie. It's one song that's being played over and over again. 616 00:39:55,981 --> 00:39:59,481 And the only thing that breaks that up is you announcing it's the same song. 617 00:39:59,652 --> 00:40:02,320 It would be a nice gesture to play something different. 618 00:40:02,487 --> 00:40:04,396 - I said no! - Donnie, change the song. 619 00:40:04,614 --> 00:40:06,406 - No! No! - Change the song! 620 00:40:06,575 --> 00:40:09,148 You know what? I'm gonna change the song, then, for you. 621 00:40:09,328 --> 00:40:11,819 What are you getting physical for? Music's about love. 622 00:40:11,997 --> 00:40:14,405 Don't get physical with me. We're trying to share. 623 00:40:14,583 --> 00:40:18,283 What are you doing? Stop it. Come on, stop... What, are you gonna do it to me? 624 00:40:18,462 --> 00:40:20,751 Donnie, stop. You're acting like an untrained dog. 625 00:40:20,923 --> 00:40:24,707 Get ahold of yourself. Take a breath. Stop swinging at me. Will you calm down? 626 00:40:24,886 --> 00:40:27,211 Okay, you know what? I'm gonna Supernanny you. 627 00:40:27,388 --> 00:40:30,140 Put you in the Naughty cabinet. You can't handle yourself. 628 00:40:30,307 --> 00:40:32,549 Listen to me, calm it down a little. Stop it. 629 00:40:32,726 --> 00:40:35,431 Use your words. Use your words. 630 00:40:36,355 --> 00:40:39,724 I'll let you out once you're sorry and you're ready to turn a corner... 631 00:40:39,900 --> 00:40:43,850 ...and be a team player, okay? - Don't do it! Put my elf foot up your butt! 632 00:40:44,029 --> 00:40:46,699 I'm from the south side of the North Pole, man. 633 00:40:47,032 --> 00:40:50,069 - I hear you. Let me out! - Let's heat it up! Let's heat it up! 634 00:40:53,205 --> 00:40:55,329 Come on, let's loosen it up in here! 635 00:40:55,499 --> 00:40:59,367 You got the same thing playing all the time. Let's liven it up! Let's get dancing. 636 00:40:59,545 --> 00:41:03,045 Let's get our blood pumping. Let's make some bad decisions with each other. 637 00:41:03,674 --> 00:41:04,789 Come on. 638 00:41:05,301 --> 00:41:07,259 Stop looking shy, baby, light it up. 639 00:41:07,429 --> 00:41:08,923 Oh, my goodness. 640 00:41:13,934 --> 00:41:15,927 It sounds angry! 641 00:41:16,103 --> 00:41:17,266 I know. 642 00:41:18,063 --> 00:41:20,187 I like it. 643 00:41:20,357 --> 00:41:21,733 Bring it in! 644 00:41:26,906 --> 00:41:28,566 You wanna come up here? 645 00:42:12,786 --> 00:42:14,909 Your continued existence at the North Pole... 646 00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:18,330 ...will all be decided on a simple three-strike policy. 647 00:42:18,501 --> 00:42:22,367 Make it through Christmas without three strikes, I send back a positive report. 648 00:42:22,546 --> 00:42:24,953 If, however, you do get three strikes... 649 00:42:25,214 --> 00:42:28,299 ...this entire operation will be shut down permanently. 650 00:42:28,802 --> 00:42:33,630 Oh, and one more thing, absolutely nobody is to know why I'm here. 651 00:42:33,807 --> 00:42:35,634 Especially the elves. 652 00:42:36,977 --> 00:42:41,852 Of course. Mr. Northcutt, the elves are extremely dedicated and hardworking. 653 00:42:42,024 --> 00:42:44,349 I am confident that they will impress you, sir. 654 00:42:44,651 --> 00:42:48,235 Ho, ho, holy cow. 655 00:43:19,813 --> 00:43:21,639 Stop it. Stop it. Stop. 656 00:43:21,981 --> 00:43:25,397 Everyone, this is Mr. Northcutt. 657 00:43:25,777 --> 00:43:27,685 He'll be with us through Christmas. 658 00:43:27,862 --> 00:43:30,352 Please make him welcome and let him observe. 659 00:43:31,073 --> 00:43:32,235 Back to work. 660 00:43:33,367 --> 00:43:36,701 They have never behaved like that before. I assure you. 661 00:43:36,870 --> 00:43:38,697 No elf discipline. 662 00:43:38,873 --> 00:43:42,207 Showing a complete lack of control over your entire workforce. 663 00:43:42,376 --> 00:43:45,994 That's a biggie. It's disappointing. And that would be strike one. 664 00:43:47,424 --> 00:43:51,504 - I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. - Oh, that's Fred. That's my older brother. 665 00:43:51,678 --> 00:43:55,379 - He's just helping out for the season. - I didn't know you had a brother. 666 00:43:55,557 --> 00:43:59,970 Mr. Northcutt, I should have someone show you around. Willie! 667 00:44:00,270 --> 00:44:01,930 Take a tour, there, Mr. Northcutt. 668 00:44:05,233 --> 00:44:08,150 Fred. What in the heck are you doing? 669 00:44:08,361 --> 00:44:12,489 Nick, let me be completely honest with you here, the DJ is a real problem. 670 00:44:12,907 --> 00:44:14,650 Fred, he's an elf that plays records. 671 00:44:14,825 --> 00:44:19,452 Nick, he continued to play the same song over and over and over and over... 672 00:44:19,664 --> 00:44:20,909 Got you. Got you. 673 00:44:21,082 --> 00:44:24,950 He then decided to lay his hands on me and get physical and tried to hurt me. 674 00:44:26,004 --> 00:44:28,756 Okay? Now, I have a decision to make in that moment. 675 00:44:28,924 --> 00:44:32,091 Do I wanna try to get physical? Do I wanna pound this elf's head in? 676 00:44:32,261 --> 00:44:36,388 The answer to that is no. I want him to know how it feels not to be respected... 677 00:44:36,555 --> 00:44:40,139 ...when you're trying to do your work. - Just lower your voice. Keep it down. 678 00:44:40,310 --> 00:44:43,845 And to be honest, if you decide to punish him, I'm not gonna be mad at you. 679 00:44:44,021 --> 00:44:45,646 I'm not gonna be upset with you. 680 00:44:45,815 --> 00:44:49,813 If you wanna bring the hammer down upon his little DJ hands, do it, dude. 681 00:44:49,987 --> 00:44:54,280 Okay. All right. That's a thought. And I'm gonna sit on that and let it boil. 682 00:44:54,449 --> 00:44:58,945 But what I'm trying to tell you is, the elves have got to stay sharp, right now. 683 00:44:59,121 --> 00:45:01,197 Very important, okay? 684 00:45:01,374 --> 00:45:05,074 We can't have any type of problems, anymore, okay? 685 00:45:05,252 --> 00:45:08,871 I get it. We're two brothers talking now, I know where you're coming from. 686 00:45:09,048 --> 00:45:11,039 That's all that counts. That's what counts. 687 00:45:11,341 --> 00:45:13,548 Now that you said that, it's not gonna happen... 688 00:45:13,718 --> 00:45:17,301 ...I'm gonna kill him with kindness. - No, no, no, you don't have to. 689 00:45:17,514 --> 00:45:21,594 Love, kindness, it's coming off of you like radiation or something. 690 00:45:21,768 --> 00:45:24,140 No, no, no. You're gonna stay at your station. 691 00:45:24,396 --> 00:45:25,427 Right. 692 00:45:25,606 --> 00:45:27,598 - Smooth sailing, right? - The smoothest sailing. 693 00:45:31,194 --> 00:45:33,946 Freddie, I am so glad you took my invitation for dinner. 694 00:45:34,115 --> 00:45:36,653 I'm excited we're gonna be able to hang out as brothers. 695 00:45:36,825 --> 00:45:38,450 - Break bread, right? - Absolutely. 696 00:45:41,997 --> 00:45:43,029 I want one. 697 00:45:45,292 --> 00:45:47,249 - Nick! Nick! - Oh, boy. What? 698 00:45:47,419 --> 00:45:48,997 - Nick! - What? 699 00:45:49,171 --> 00:45:50,499 - Nick, come here. - Okay, okay. 700 00:45:50,672 --> 00:45:52,665 What the heck is Mom doing in the house? 701 00:45:52,841 --> 00:45:55,296 I want you to be honest, does she know I'm here? 702 00:45:55,469 --> 00:45:59,384 Call me crazy, but my mom comes and visits me for the holidays every year. 703 00:46:00,016 --> 00:46:02,970 I'm not going in there, Nick, because I don't visit with Mom... 704 00:46:03,144 --> 00:46:06,678 ...and I don't for good reason. - It would be really nice, if, for once... 705 00:46:06,856 --> 00:46:11,565 ...things were nice and calm and you just dropped by for dinner. 706 00:46:11,736 --> 00:46:15,604 - This isn't even debatable. I'm not going. - Ho, ho, ho, I'm not gonna listen to no. 707 00:46:15,782 --> 00:46:19,116 There's a book, Does Fred Go to Dinner? Flip through the pages... 708 00:46:19,285 --> 00:46:22,072 ...and last page, Fred does not go to dinner. The End. 709 00:46:22,245 --> 00:46:26,160 The sequel, know what it's called? Ding-dong, Who 's There? Why, it's Fred. 710 00:46:26,334 --> 00:46:28,042 - I'm not going. - Pumpkin pie. Come on. 711 00:46:28,211 --> 00:46:32,587 Get it through your head. I am not going to dinner! 712 00:46:38,972 --> 00:46:40,881 Hello, I hope I'm not intruding... 713 00:46:41,057 --> 00:46:44,142 ...but I ran into your parents, and they invited me to dinner. 714 00:46:45,103 --> 00:46:47,641 Oh, no, no, yeah, welcome, welcome. 715 00:46:51,193 --> 00:46:55,403 - Here we are. - So, Frederick, how have you been? 716 00:46:55,572 --> 00:46:58,821 - I've been good, Ma. I've been real good. - That's nice. 717 00:46:58,991 --> 00:47:01,483 I'll tell you, Fred has been doing a bang-up job... 718 00:47:01,661 --> 00:47:04,116 ...down in the Naughty-Nice Department. 719 00:47:04,289 --> 00:47:05,830 I wouldn't say I've been doing a bang-up job. 720 00:47:05,999 --> 00:47:09,249 I had complications and hit rough spots... 721 00:47:09,419 --> 00:47:12,503 ...but I'm doing the best I can. - Oh, yeah, no, no, no... 722 00:47:12,672 --> 00:47:16,920 ...you are proving to be one very hard worker. 723 00:47:17,094 --> 00:47:21,222 Well, I would imagine he's probably a very hard worker, considering. 724 00:47:23,058 --> 00:47:24,434 Considering what? 725 00:47:24,601 --> 00:47:28,101 Considering that you didn't have the time to come to our anniversary party. 726 00:47:28,271 --> 00:47:31,640 - Your brother gave us quite a shindig. - Fred sent a lovely gift, though. 727 00:47:31,817 --> 00:47:35,435 Come on, now, that massage chair, that looked very, very expensive. 728 00:47:35,612 --> 00:47:37,023 Yes, I'm sure it was. 729 00:47:39,449 --> 00:47:41,157 - What's happening? - What do you mean? 730 00:47:41,326 --> 00:47:44,161 - I don't see... What's happening? - Nothing's happening. 731 00:47:44,329 --> 00:47:45,740 Okay. 732 00:47:47,333 --> 00:47:50,334 - Oh, you all right? - Even enjoyed the card that came with it. 733 00:47:50,878 --> 00:47:53,749 Do you remember what you wrote on the card, Frederick? 734 00:47:53,922 --> 00:47:56,081 Let's see, was it something like: 735 00:47:56,258 --> 00:47:59,129 "Happy anniversary, I hope you choke on your meal"? 736 00:48:03,181 --> 00:48:04,806 Now you're just being silly. 737 00:48:04,974 --> 00:48:07,644 Have some gravy, darling. The potatoes are awfully dry. 738 00:48:07,811 --> 00:48:11,310 Phyllis, I wish you wouldn't do that, because Nicholas needs to lose weight. 739 00:48:11,482 --> 00:48:12,857 He's perfect! 740 00:48:13,024 --> 00:48:16,310 You're looking at a man who can fly around the world in a single night. 741 00:48:17,487 --> 00:48:19,279 - That's unbelievable! - Okay, Mom. 742 00:48:19,532 --> 00:48:23,363 You know, I can never get over that, Nicholas. I just... You amaze me. 743 00:48:23,536 --> 00:48:26,027 - Isn't it amazing? - I think it's absolutely amazing. 744 00:48:26,205 --> 00:48:29,290 To think that he can fly around to a million houses in one night... 745 00:48:29,458 --> 00:48:31,997 ...breaking and entering, staring at little children... 746 00:48:32,170 --> 00:48:34,162 ...eat the little kids' cookies and stuff. 747 00:48:34,339 --> 00:48:37,504 That's a phenomenal occurrence. And I get jacked out of my mind... 748 00:48:37,674 --> 00:48:41,174 ...just thinking about all those laws being broken. Don't you guys feel it? 749 00:48:41,345 --> 00:48:44,263 Frederick, why are you so upset? 750 00:48:44,556 --> 00:48:46,763 Oh, come on, Mom. Don't... 751 00:48:47,685 --> 00:48:50,355 I just wish you were a little more like your brother. 752 00:48:50,605 --> 00:48:52,644 Great. Okay. 753 00:48:52,815 --> 00:48:56,018 I have a feeling I'd be much more comfortable back in my little hut... 754 00:48:56,194 --> 00:48:58,401 ...with some Hot Pockets and a milkshake. 755 00:48:58,613 --> 00:49:00,772 Come on. Don't be like that. Fred. 756 00:49:05,203 --> 00:49:09,153 I just love meeting people's families. I find it so... 757 00:49:10,459 --> 00:49:11,704 ...revealing. 758 00:49:16,046 --> 00:49:17,624 Night, Frosty! See you tomorrow! 759 00:49:22,220 --> 00:49:26,052 - Fred! Terrific! Come on in, my friend. - How are you, Willie? 760 00:49:26,266 --> 00:49:28,092 I'm great! Pull up a stool. 761 00:49:28,476 --> 00:49:30,019 Hey, eggnog for Fred, Frosty. 762 00:49:30,186 --> 00:49:32,225 - Sure, they're on the way. - Make it a double. 763 00:49:32,397 --> 00:49:33,560 Thank you. 764 00:49:37,987 --> 00:49:39,017 Hey, Fred. 765 00:49:45,661 --> 00:49:47,070 - Charlene. - Yeah. 766 00:49:50,373 --> 00:49:53,409 You know, you see these people after work... 767 00:49:53,585 --> 00:49:57,333 ...and I don't even recognize them. You know, like, "Oh, of course. Charlene." 768 00:49:57,506 --> 00:49:59,831 - Yeah. - Good night, Fred. 769 00:50:01,509 --> 00:50:04,179 - Good night, Charlene. - Good night... 770 00:50:06,681 --> 00:50:08,509 - Willie. - Willie. 771 00:50:13,230 --> 00:50:16,646 Fred, I don't... I don't... 772 00:50:17,484 --> 00:50:19,312 I don't understand, Fred. 773 00:50:19,737 --> 00:50:21,646 She doesn't remember my name? 774 00:50:22,030 --> 00:50:25,115 What is it, Fred? Is it...? It's me, isn't it? 775 00:50:25,283 --> 00:50:28,284 You can tell me, Fred, it's okay. Because you're my friend. 776 00:50:28,453 --> 00:50:30,778 It's just that... She thinks I'm a freak. 777 00:50:31,665 --> 00:50:34,120 I love her. I love her. 778 00:50:35,794 --> 00:50:38,998 Willie, now look. You love to laugh. You're a lot of fun to be around. 779 00:50:39,173 --> 00:50:41,663 Fred, I can't even tell a joke. 780 00:50:41,842 --> 00:50:45,092 I say the last line first. I'm afraid everyone's gonna stop listening. 781 00:50:45,263 --> 00:50:46,756 This thing is very easy. 782 00:50:46,931 --> 00:50:51,011 Let her know that you're ready for fun, and you are not gonna apologize for it. 783 00:50:54,439 --> 00:50:56,929 You know, at last year's after-Christmas party... 784 00:50:57,107 --> 00:50:58,934 ...I almost asked her to dance. 785 00:50:59,109 --> 00:51:01,268 Then I remembered I can't dance. 786 00:51:02,405 --> 00:51:04,978 - Yet. - What? 787 00:51:05,657 --> 00:51:07,069 Can't dance yet. 788 00:51:13,958 --> 00:51:16,627 Fred. I feel ridiculous. 789 00:51:16,795 --> 00:51:19,665 I don't know how to dance. I don't know the steps. 790 00:51:19,839 --> 00:51:23,173 This is very uncomfortable for me. 791 00:51:23,343 --> 00:51:26,213 Come on. Get out of your head for a second. Get into your body! 792 00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:29,679 Okay, see, I'm not gonna do that. I can't actually do that. 793 00:51:29,848 --> 00:51:32,518 We're no longer talking with this, we're gonna talk with... 794 00:51:32,684 --> 00:51:34,014 Bring it. Bring it right now. 795 00:51:34,186 --> 00:51:37,686 Bring all that green goodness that you have on and bring it right up on me. 796 00:51:37,856 --> 00:51:41,226 Come on, this beautiful green angel. Now, put one hand here. 797 00:51:41,403 --> 00:51:44,273 Great. Put another hand here. Come on, grip it. Don't be shy. 798 00:51:44,447 --> 00:51:46,689 All we're gonna do is a little bit of a baby sway. 799 00:51:46,866 --> 00:51:49,536 That's it, just a gentle rock back and forth. Just easy. 800 00:51:49,702 --> 00:51:51,659 Now, you got short arms, which is good... 801 00:51:51,830 --> 00:51:53,703 ...because it means you gotta get close. 802 00:51:53,873 --> 00:51:56,874 So go ahead, pull this big tugboat to shore. Anchors aweigh. 803 00:51:58,253 --> 00:52:03,248 That's it. Okay, now, the next thing you do is put your hand on my back. 804 00:52:04,467 --> 00:52:06,922 That's not my back, but it is a little bit naughty. 805 00:52:07,094 --> 00:52:10,962 I like where you're headed, but for these purposes, let's just keep it professional. 806 00:52:11,140 --> 00:52:12,800 - Fred. - Now, remember, Willie... 807 00:52:12,976 --> 00:52:15,810 ...dancing is not about dancing, right? 808 00:52:15,979 --> 00:52:18,896 It's about connecting. Now, look me in the eye. 809 00:52:19,900 --> 00:52:23,399 Great. Now, if I was a girl, I'd get goose bumps with what you just brought. 810 00:52:23,904 --> 00:52:27,688 The other great thing about dancing is it's the perfect bridge to a kiss. 811 00:52:27,950 --> 00:52:30,904 So all you gotta do is have fun, let me know I can have fun... 812 00:52:31,078 --> 00:52:34,281 ...and then when the time's right, that's when you make your move. 813 00:52:34,456 --> 00:52:37,493 Get my blood pumping. Start to feel it. 814 00:52:37,877 --> 00:52:39,370 Get your blood pumping! 815 00:52:39,627 --> 00:52:42,165 Let's get excited. Let's make it happen. 816 00:52:42,339 --> 00:52:45,838 Come on, big guy. Turn around and show me what you don't know. 817 00:52:46,009 --> 00:52:50,257 That's it. Okay. That's one way to look at it. Keep moving it, baby. 818 00:52:50,430 --> 00:52:53,716 That's it. Keep rolling. There's no rules. I like it. You're making it happen. 819 00:52:53,892 --> 00:52:57,890 You're dancing. That's okay, and it's not okay, and it's okay! 820 00:53:11,077 --> 00:53:12,535 Feel it! Stay with it. 821 00:53:12,704 --> 00:53:17,163 Wind it up. I like it! Heat it up. Work it harder! Stay with it, brother! 822 00:53:35,392 --> 00:53:37,136 Oh, I forgot my gloves. 823 00:53:38,480 --> 00:53:40,637 It's okay. Just get up calmly. 824 00:53:49,490 --> 00:53:50,984 That's all right... 825 00:53:51,283 --> 00:53:52,658 Willie! 826 00:54:07,008 --> 00:54:08,550 So you fell down, big deal. 827 00:54:08,718 --> 00:54:12,716 Fred, not everybody falls down on his face in front of the girl he loves. 828 00:54:12,888 --> 00:54:16,305 I looked like a total idiot out there. 829 00:54:16,476 --> 00:54:19,679 How am I ever gonna be seen in public again? It's ridiculous. 830 00:54:19,855 --> 00:54:23,602 Thank goodness Blitzen didn't feel that way the first time he learned how to fly. 831 00:54:23,816 --> 00:54:26,901 When Blitzen learned to f...? Why don't I know this story? 832 00:54:27,069 --> 00:54:29,774 Oh, come off it, Willie. Everyone knows this story. 833 00:54:29,989 --> 00:54:33,193 - When Blitzen learned to fly? - He fell on his face. 834 00:54:33,660 --> 00:54:35,320 - He did? - He'd try and take a run... Yeah. 835 00:54:35,495 --> 00:54:37,452 He'd run and he'd fall flat on his face. 836 00:54:37,872 --> 00:54:40,031 But he picked himself up and he'd keep trying. 837 00:54:40,208 --> 00:54:43,743 And eventually, he stopped thinking and he flew. 838 00:54:44,129 --> 00:54:47,379 - It's common knowledge. - Fred, come on. 839 00:54:47,549 --> 00:54:50,040 - It's true. - I'm not Blitzen, though. I'm no Blitzen. 840 00:54:50,219 --> 00:54:51,843 Well, I disagree with you, Willie. 841 00:54:53,555 --> 00:54:56,094 I know you got more Blitzen in you than you realize. 842 00:54:58,434 --> 00:55:00,095 Love is so complicated. 843 00:55:01,229 --> 00:55:02,640 Yeah, can be. 844 00:55:04,066 --> 00:55:05,145 It hurts. 845 00:55:06,902 --> 00:55:08,230 I'm proud of you, Willie. 846 00:55:10,906 --> 00:55:12,234 Now, good night. 847 00:55:13,283 --> 00:55:14,742 Good night, Fred. 848 00:55:39,768 --> 00:55:44,727 Oh, Fred. Oh, where, oh, where did all the kids' letters go? 849 00:55:49,820 --> 00:55:52,775 Oh, isn't that sweet? Lucy wants a cooking set. 850 00:55:52,949 --> 00:55:56,448 Well, here's how you make pasta, darling. There's a start. 851 00:55:58,704 --> 00:56:02,833 Oh, little Keenan Adams wants a bike for Christmas. 852 00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:06,285 Well, Keenan, I guess you'll be taking the bus to school from now on. 853 00:56:08,129 --> 00:56:12,791 Oh, Freddie, Freddie, you have been so very, very naughty. 854 00:56:16,680 --> 00:56:20,180 I didn't take any of the files out of the room. I never got to the S's. 855 00:56:20,351 --> 00:56:23,518 Fred, I don't need to tell you how very important these files are. 856 00:56:24,647 --> 00:56:28,312 Without them, we have no idea what the children want. 857 00:56:28,485 --> 00:56:30,643 Or whether they've been marked Naughty or Nice. 858 00:56:30,820 --> 00:56:34,236 And it was your responsibility, of course, to keep track of them. 859 00:56:34,449 --> 00:56:38,150 I just told you, I would know if l... I didn't take any... What is going on here? 860 00:56:38,578 --> 00:56:41,614 And why are you standing there judging me with your arms folded? 861 00:56:41,789 --> 00:56:43,497 I'm not judging you, I'm nervous. 862 00:56:43,666 --> 00:56:47,200 I'd be nervous too if I was up to no good. Doth who protests the most. 863 00:56:47,378 --> 00:56:49,287 - Can you believe this guy? - Okay. Come on. 864 00:56:49,463 --> 00:56:51,871 - I got my eye on you, Bob. - Yeah? Anytime, big fella. 865 00:56:52,050 --> 00:56:53,081 Bob, settle down. 866 00:56:53,259 --> 00:56:55,880 You wanna talk like an elf, you have to act like an elf. 867 00:56:56,054 --> 00:56:57,512 - I'm easy to find. - Big talk. 868 00:56:57,681 --> 00:57:00,006 He's got a bigger reach than you, Bob. 869 00:57:04,854 --> 00:57:07,013 - Trouble? - No, no, no. 870 00:57:07,190 --> 00:57:10,939 No? Nobody in Wisconsin's gonna get any gifts this year! 871 00:57:15,322 --> 00:57:18,240 Oh, my, my. Those poor children. 872 00:57:18,409 --> 00:57:20,698 You don't have any backup records? 873 00:57:21,371 --> 00:57:23,696 Well, we've never had something like this happen. 874 00:57:23,873 --> 00:57:28,203 I'm sure that they'll turn up. I mean, after all, where could they have possibly gone? 875 00:57:28,378 --> 00:57:31,545 Failure to administrate backup records. 876 00:57:31,715 --> 00:57:32,877 That would be strike two. 877 00:57:34,969 --> 00:57:37,174 Look, this is probably none of my business... 878 00:57:37,346 --> 00:57:39,753 ...but I'm a little concerned about Fred. 879 00:57:40,557 --> 00:57:44,555 Well, I appreciate your concern, Mr. Northcutt, but he is fine. 880 00:57:44,729 --> 00:57:48,428 It's just that I've seen these kind of things before. The little lies... 881 00:57:49,065 --> 00:57:50,393 ...flashes of anger. 882 00:57:50,733 --> 00:57:54,233 No, I can assure you, he's fine. 883 00:57:54,446 --> 00:57:57,364 Well, but it could get so much worse, Santa. 884 00:57:57,532 --> 00:58:00,783 Tell me, has he asked for large sums of money recently? 885 00:58:01,036 --> 00:58:03,788 And what about trouble? 886 00:58:04,248 --> 00:58:06,573 Has he gotten into trouble with the law? 887 00:58:06,750 --> 00:58:09,206 Why, yes, Mr. Northcutt, yes, he has. 888 00:58:09,378 --> 00:58:13,590 Of course. He's crying out for help. 889 00:58:13,757 --> 00:58:16,129 And if someone doesn't step in and help him, why... 890 00:58:16,302 --> 00:58:18,211 ...I'm afraid it's gonna get ugly. 891 00:58:18,596 --> 00:58:21,514 Well, what can I do, Mr. Northcutt? 892 00:58:22,058 --> 00:58:26,055 I did have a thought. But Fred's not going to like it. 893 00:58:32,443 --> 00:58:34,815 What kind of party are you dudes throwing? 894 00:58:45,623 --> 00:58:49,371 Airmail it! Airmail it to me right now! Let's get jacked up! 895 00:59:30,961 --> 00:59:34,958 What are you, nuts? I feel like Patty Hearst! I was just abducted, Nick! 896 00:59:35,131 --> 00:59:36,839 You're gonna have to pay something... 897 00:59:37,132 --> 00:59:39,256 ...to make up for the hurt I have inside of me. 898 00:59:39,426 --> 00:59:43,471 It's not gonna be cheap. I got a lawyer that's got vowels in his last name, Nick. 899 00:59:43,640 --> 00:59:48,515 He's gonna contact you and make you feel the hurt I feel from your handlers! 900 00:59:48,687 --> 00:59:51,391 Frederick! We're having a family intervention. 901 00:59:51,565 --> 00:59:54,234 Your behavior has been unacceptable. 902 00:59:58,279 --> 01:00:01,613 - Wanda, hi. - Hi. You all right? 903 01:00:01,783 --> 01:00:05,034 I'm doing terrific. I'm doing great. How've you been? 904 01:00:05,203 --> 01:00:08,370 You know, I've been all right. Yeah, I've been working and... 905 01:00:08,539 --> 01:00:12,952 That's awesome. Work is really good for someone to do when they're doing stuff. 906 01:00:13,127 --> 01:00:16,579 I've been working a lot, too, by the way. And also fighting for my life. 907 01:00:19,634 --> 01:00:21,793 My brother's Santa Claus. 908 01:00:23,222 --> 01:00:26,139 Yeah, yeah. I can... I can see that. 909 01:00:26,308 --> 01:00:29,642 It's a little different. 910 01:00:29,811 --> 01:00:32,350 Yeah, the whole thing's been a little bit unusual. 911 01:00:32,857 --> 01:00:36,190 Fred, your brother has flown someone in we think can help you. 912 01:00:36,485 --> 01:00:38,561 - This is Dr. Goldfarb. - Hello. 913 01:00:38,738 --> 01:00:41,856 Your erratic behavior is putting too much stress on your brother. 914 01:00:42,032 --> 01:00:45,981 Mom, for Pete's sake, okay, I'm not stressed out about it. 915 01:00:46,161 --> 01:00:48,070 - Nick! You're falling apart. - I am not. 916 01:00:48,246 --> 01:00:50,286 Yes, you are. You're dangerously overweight. 917 01:00:50,457 --> 01:00:51,655 He is not! 918 01:00:51,834 --> 01:00:54,503 You have no idea what your son is going through! 919 01:00:54,670 --> 01:00:57,291 - Okay. - He is a terrible closet eater. 920 01:00:57,464 --> 01:01:00,915 He has developed acid reflux and sleep apnea. 921 01:01:01,093 --> 01:01:04,177 - I snore. I mean, people snore. - It is keeping him up all night... 922 01:01:04,346 --> 01:01:08,047 ...and it's affecting his health, not to mention other aspects of our marriage. 923 01:01:08,225 --> 01:01:09,423 Oh, ho, ho, Annette. 924 01:01:09,602 --> 01:01:11,808 He's having a tough time getting off the ground? 925 01:01:13,564 --> 01:01:14,763 I'm just saying. 926 01:01:15,774 --> 01:01:17,565 Please, let's just cut to the chase. 927 01:01:17,735 --> 01:01:20,308 It's simple, it's always the same thing with you, Fred. 928 01:01:20,946 --> 01:01:22,856 - You cause problems. - Sweetie... 929 01:01:23,073 --> 01:01:24,353 And then you make excuses... 930 01:01:24,534 --> 01:01:27,404 ...like, you know, you're looking out for someone else. 931 01:01:27,578 --> 01:01:29,036 Ever since he was a little boy. 932 01:01:29,205 --> 01:01:32,740 I couldn't have said it any better. Freddie, that is what you do. 933 01:01:32,917 --> 01:01:36,286 That's great. Do me a favor, please. Why don't you just stay out of this? 934 01:01:36,462 --> 01:01:39,036 Well, I came for the intervention. Your family asked me. 935 01:01:39,215 --> 01:01:42,086 Don't you have a date with a guy who forgot to plug his meter? 936 01:01:42,259 --> 01:01:43,884 Have you been spying on me? 937 01:01:44,054 --> 01:01:45,762 - Yes. - You got nothing better to do? 938 01:01:45,931 --> 01:01:48,683 - I don't like what I saw. - If you spied on me properly... 939 01:01:48,850 --> 01:01:51,684 ...you would know I didn't end up going out with that guy. 940 01:01:51,852 --> 01:01:55,435 Let me just say this to you. It is not flattering on your character... 941 01:01:55,606 --> 01:01:58,144 ...to see you with a man who's got liver-spotted hands. 942 01:01:58,317 --> 01:02:00,725 It's a very weak choice. It makes you look weak. 943 01:02:00,903 --> 01:02:02,860 Look, I can tell you what your problem is. 944 01:02:03,031 --> 01:02:06,530 You won't let anybody love you because you don't think you're worth loving. 945 01:02:06,701 --> 01:02:07,899 If it pleases the court... 946 01:02:08,077 --> 01:02:10,699 ...did you have an older gentleman ask you out on a date? 947 01:02:10,872 --> 01:02:13,494 Yes, but that's not the point! I didn't see him again! 948 01:02:13,666 --> 01:02:16,122 - Then she's a dater. - You push and fix on one thing. 949 01:02:16,295 --> 01:02:18,086 Then stop dating. Put down the phone. 950 01:02:18,254 --> 01:02:19,797 That's it. I've had enough. 951 01:02:19,965 --> 01:02:23,962 Excuse me, Mr. Santa Claus. It's been very pleasant to come to the North Pole... 952 01:02:24,134 --> 01:02:25,759 ...and, yeah. 953 01:02:25,929 --> 01:02:28,680 Go find a date. Maybe get lucky with an elf on the way out. 954 01:02:28,848 --> 01:02:30,259 Good luck. Hope it goes well. 955 01:02:30,433 --> 01:02:33,766 Well, there's a lot of mistletoe out there, so you should be psyched. 956 01:02:33,937 --> 01:02:35,051 Fred. 957 01:02:37,774 --> 01:02:39,647 I think we're making some real progress. 958 01:02:39,818 --> 01:02:43,602 You wanna know what the good news is about all of this? Tomorrow's my last day. 959 01:02:43,781 --> 01:02:45,357 We don't have to have therapy. 960 01:02:45,532 --> 01:02:49,744 It's for people who want to be in each other's lives. We don't have that problem. 961 01:02:49,911 --> 01:02:52,948 I'm gonna finish my job, I'll be out of your lives forever. 962 01:03:04,884 --> 01:03:05,963 Nice night. 963 01:03:07,429 --> 01:03:08,887 Get lost, guy. 964 01:03:10,390 --> 01:03:14,055 Santa Claus' brother, that must be a tough beat. 965 01:03:14,728 --> 01:03:17,017 My brother's a doctor. I never hear the end of it. 966 01:03:17,189 --> 01:03:19,859 Half the time, I feel like I don't even exist. 967 01:03:20,025 --> 01:03:22,398 And the way your whole family treats you. 968 01:03:23,529 --> 01:03:25,237 What's your story, man? 969 01:03:25,698 --> 01:03:26,896 Excuse me? 970 01:03:27,909 --> 01:03:31,194 Look, whatever you're trying to do with me here's not gonna work. 971 01:03:31,371 --> 01:03:33,575 Well, what exactly am I trying? 972 01:03:33,747 --> 01:03:37,958 I don't know what it is you're into, but something's real creepy about you... 973 01:03:38,126 --> 01:03:39,704 ...and ever since you got here... 974 01:03:39,878 --> 01:03:42,203 ...my brother's been getting a little bit nervous. 975 01:03:42,381 --> 01:03:43,839 That's wonderful. 976 01:03:45,259 --> 01:03:46,539 What is wonderful? 977 01:03:46,718 --> 01:03:49,044 You take an interest in your brother's well-being. 978 01:03:49,222 --> 01:03:51,629 Of course you do. I'm sure he does the same for you. 979 01:03:51,807 --> 01:03:53,302 - Clyde... - You ever seen a tree... 980 01:03:53,476 --> 01:03:55,552 ...that grows in the shadow of another tree? 981 01:03:55,728 --> 01:03:59,311 It's all puny and misshapen because it's just bending and twisting... 982 01:03:59,482 --> 01:04:02,269 ...trying so desperately to get some sunlight. 983 01:04:03,111 --> 01:04:06,729 If somebody just cut off a few feet of that big tree... 984 01:04:06,906 --> 01:04:08,779 ...that little tree could grow up strong. 985 01:04:08,949 --> 01:04:11,487 But no, that's not the way life works, right? 986 01:04:12,161 --> 01:04:15,281 They all love that big tree, right? They're all proud of that one. 987 01:04:15,455 --> 01:04:18,077 They hate the crap out of the little one next to it. 988 01:04:18,917 --> 01:04:21,788 The little tree that refuses to grow right. 989 01:04:22,338 --> 01:04:25,789 And you know what? Till somebody comes along and cuts down that big tree... 990 01:04:25,967 --> 01:04:29,751 ...that little tree is never gonna get any light. Any light. 991 01:04:34,476 --> 01:04:36,848 I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from. 992 01:04:38,438 --> 01:04:39,719 Christmas. 993 01:04:39,898 --> 01:04:41,273 Have a nice night. 994 01:05:00,168 --> 01:05:01,876 What the hell was that? 995 01:05:02,337 --> 01:05:05,541 Looks like a new kid just took over the number one Most Naughty spot. 996 01:05:11,305 --> 01:05:12,384 Slam? 997 01:05:14,725 --> 01:05:16,882 Samuel Gibbons, Chicago, Illinois. 998 01:05:22,357 --> 01:05:23,982 What are you asking Santa for? 999 01:05:24,358 --> 01:05:27,064 - A family. - I'm asking for a family too. 1000 01:05:28,404 --> 01:05:32,402 Santa's not bringing y'all families. Santa Claus is a clown. 1001 01:05:32,576 --> 01:05:34,117 He's a fame junkie. 1002 01:05:34,328 --> 01:05:36,320 He puts on a big red suit... 1003 01:05:36,497 --> 01:05:38,702 ...and rides around the town with reindeer. 1004 01:05:39,166 --> 01:05:41,372 It's because the man is desperate for attention. 1005 01:05:41,543 --> 01:05:43,501 The dude needs to be in the spotlight. 1006 01:05:43,670 --> 01:05:48,048 There's more Santa statues in the world than Buddha. It's a shell game. 1007 01:05:48,217 --> 01:05:49,877 Y'all drank all the Kool-Aid, fools! 1008 01:05:50,052 --> 01:05:53,836 You just know you're never getting adopted because you're mean! 1009 01:05:56,099 --> 01:05:59,183 - Break it up! You're gonna get in trouble! - Get off me! Get off! 1010 01:05:59,645 --> 01:06:02,432 - Break it up! Break it up! - Get off! 1011 01:06:02,606 --> 01:06:04,479 Somebody's gonna get in trouble! 1012 01:06:05,692 --> 01:06:07,899 I don 't care. I'm Slam! 1013 01:06:59,123 --> 01:07:01,244 Santa, I ran the numbers three times. 1014 01:07:01,832 --> 01:07:03,243 Yeah. 1015 01:07:03,417 --> 01:07:05,789 Charlene, mention this to no one. 1016 01:07:06,129 --> 01:07:09,248 - Especially Clyde Northcutt. - Yes, sir. 1017 01:07:12,969 --> 01:07:14,048 Fred! 1018 01:07:15,930 --> 01:07:18,302 What the blazes have you done? 1019 01:07:18,474 --> 01:07:22,342 You marked every naughty child as nice! 1020 01:07:22,520 --> 01:07:23,979 Are you out of your mind? 1021 01:07:24,147 --> 01:07:26,899 - None of the kids seemed naughty to me. - Good grief, Fred! 1022 01:07:27,066 --> 01:07:30,152 You really never see the ramifications of anything, do you? 1023 01:07:30,528 --> 01:07:34,062 We literally cannot make enough presents with only three days left. 1024 01:07:34,240 --> 01:07:36,992 We cannot deliver all of those presents! 1025 01:07:37,160 --> 01:07:40,362 Do you see? It's over. Congratulations, Fred! 1026 01:07:40,538 --> 01:07:43,658 You've cost Christmas for the whole planet! Everybody! 1027 01:07:43,833 --> 01:07:47,249 Lithuania, everywhere in Africa, the whole thing! 1028 01:07:47,421 --> 01:07:48,831 Right down the crapper! 1029 01:07:49,172 --> 01:07:52,126 Blame it all on me, right? It's all my fault. How convenient. 1030 01:07:52,300 --> 01:07:56,215 Annette was right about you. Mom was right about you! 1031 01:07:56,388 --> 01:07:57,669 You know what, save it! 1032 01:07:57,848 --> 01:08:00,220 Maybe you should look at your own self for a change! 1033 01:08:00,392 --> 01:08:04,472 You just keep stuffing your face with gingerbread! Fat boy! 1034 01:08:11,402 --> 01:08:14,653 You slick-talking, fast-talking punk! 1035 01:08:16,033 --> 01:08:20,031 You know I've been battling a weight problem for years, Fred! That is not funny! 1036 01:08:20,203 --> 01:08:22,872 You know what? You can shove it, Thunder Thighs! 1037 01:08:23,040 --> 01:08:25,827 I'm sick of it. This little tree's gonna get some light. 1038 01:08:26,001 --> 01:08:28,078 This tree's gonna chop that big tree down! 1039 01:08:28,254 --> 01:08:29,878 I don't have to take your abuse! 1040 01:08:30,047 --> 01:08:31,838 Nick, I couldn't miss you if I tried! 1041 01:08:32,007 --> 01:08:34,759 I couldn't miss you if I tried because you're so fat! 1042 01:08:34,926 --> 01:08:38,510 You throw like a girl, like a big, leather jacket-wearing girl. 1043 01:08:38,681 --> 01:08:40,259 Come on, Nick. 1044 01:08:40,433 --> 01:08:42,591 Come on, fat boy! 1045 01:08:42,767 --> 01:08:44,559 How'd you get to work today? You roll? 1046 01:08:44,728 --> 01:08:47,848 How'd you get here? Did you steal a sled from some little kid? 1047 01:08:48,565 --> 01:08:49,763 Come on! 1048 01:08:59,410 --> 01:09:01,403 Good night, sweet prince. 1049 01:09:16,177 --> 01:09:19,343 Don't bring a snowmobile to a snowball fight, Nick! 1050 01:09:26,562 --> 01:09:29,100 You gonna run me over? Are you gonna run me over? 1051 01:10:01,013 --> 01:10:03,505 I never realized it before. 1052 01:10:07,895 --> 01:10:09,094 You hate me. 1053 01:10:11,315 --> 01:10:13,356 I don't hate you, Nick. 1054 01:10:16,363 --> 01:10:18,320 I just wish you were never born. 1055 01:10:22,411 --> 01:10:23,821 Yeah. 1056 01:10:38,427 --> 01:10:43,504 Clyde Northcutt is not from Human Resources, Fred. 1057 01:10:44,850 --> 01:10:46,889 He's an efficiency expert. 1058 01:10:48,854 --> 01:10:53,231 And he is one strike away from shutting me down. 1059 01:10:55,111 --> 01:10:56,604 Permanently. 1060 01:11:23,222 --> 01:11:25,298 Well, I hope you're happy with yourself, Fred. 1061 01:11:25,475 --> 01:11:27,717 Look, Annette, I want my money. A deal's a deal. 1062 01:11:29,562 --> 01:11:31,389 Yeah. 1063 01:11:31,564 --> 01:11:34,020 Personally, I don't think you deserve a cent. 1064 01:11:36,735 --> 01:11:39,273 He wanted you to have this too. 1065 01:11:41,948 --> 01:11:44,700 Merry Christmas, Fred. 1066 01:11:51,918 --> 01:11:53,328 Let's go, Willie. 1067 01:11:56,423 --> 01:11:57,798 Well, well. 1068 01:12:00,677 --> 01:12:02,669 Mr. Northcutt. 1069 01:12:04,263 --> 01:12:05,639 You wanted to see me, sir. 1070 01:12:05,807 --> 01:12:06,839 Yes, I did. 1071 01:12:07,266 --> 01:12:10,017 Bring up Fred Claus from earlier today, please. 1072 01:12:31,416 --> 01:12:34,453 Well, now, we can correct that. We can correct that. 1073 01:12:34,627 --> 01:12:37,961 Charlene. We still have plenty of time, don't we? 1074 01:12:38,131 --> 01:12:40,420 With less than three days to go until Christmas... 1075 01:12:40,593 --> 01:12:43,083 ...you now have no way of making your quota. 1076 01:12:43,471 --> 01:12:46,838 And I think you know what that means. 1077 01:12:47,015 --> 01:12:49,683 Strike three. 1078 01:12:51,894 --> 01:12:54,812 Look, it gives me no great pleasure to have to say this, but... 1079 01:12:54,981 --> 01:12:59,228 Well, actually, who am I kidding, this is a fantastic moment for me! 1080 01:13:16,921 --> 01:13:18,793 You're fired. 1081 01:13:26,930 --> 01:13:30,346 Hey, Fred, it's Leon. It's the 22nd. This is your big day, buddy! 1082 01:13:30,517 --> 01:13:34,052 Get that 50 G's in my hands! Call me back. Let's do this. 1083 01:14:25,907 --> 01:14:31,031 And I feel this way all the time. It's not like I didn't want my brother to succeed. 1084 01:14:31,203 --> 01:14:34,453 We were very close growing up. I mean, we shared bunk beds. 1085 01:14:34,623 --> 01:14:36,782 He was my roadie, used to carry my amps. 1086 01:14:37,293 --> 01:14:39,831 And my mother always told me, since I was a little kid: 1087 01:14:40,004 --> 01:14:43,918 "You're gonna support your brother." And so that was gonna be my job. 1088 01:14:44,092 --> 01:14:48,255 And then Rocky came out, and things changed, you know? 1089 01:14:48,429 --> 01:14:50,718 I was the first guy in line. I mean, I was there. 1090 01:14:50,891 --> 01:14:53,428 And then when Rocky III came out... 1091 01:14:53,601 --> 01:14:56,436 ...I was starting to wonder who Frank Stallone was, you know? 1092 01:14:56,605 --> 01:14:58,182 It was, like, identity theft. 1093 01:14:58,357 --> 01:15:00,682 You're fighting Rambo and you're fighting Rocky... 1094 01:15:00,859 --> 01:15:04,227 ...and trying to keep them at bay so you can get you to come through. 1095 01:15:04,737 --> 01:15:07,904 Well, anyway, I wanna thank you guys for listening. 1096 01:15:08,073 --> 01:15:10,446 I feel good coming here. I like it here. 1097 01:15:10,618 --> 01:15:13,702 Wonderful. Thanks for sharing, Frank. 1098 01:15:13,872 --> 01:15:17,703 Okay. Now, I think we go to Roger. 1099 01:15:18,251 --> 01:15:21,288 I actually have some things I'd like to talk about if... 1100 01:15:21,463 --> 01:15:23,870 Okay, you're just gonna have to wait your turn. 1101 01:15:24,048 --> 01:15:27,833 Roger's been waiting, and we didn't get to him last time, so we'll go to Roger. 1102 01:15:28,011 --> 01:15:31,961 - I have a lot of stuff boiling now, so... - I appreciate that. After Roger. 1103 01:15:32,767 --> 01:15:35,304 - Okay. - Roger? 1104 01:15:35,935 --> 01:15:37,844 I'm Roger, I'm a recovering sibling. 1105 01:15:38,021 --> 01:15:39,729 Hi, Roger. 1106 01:15:39,898 --> 01:15:41,606 My brother's Bill Clinton. 1107 01:15:42,734 --> 01:15:45,307 My brother was the president of the United States. 1108 01:15:45,654 --> 01:15:48,524 You know, I was flipping through the channels on the TV... 1109 01:15:48,698 --> 01:15:54,073 ...and on the History Channel was the State of the Union Address from 1993. 1110 01:15:54,246 --> 01:15:59,406 When we left the White House, I thought it was gonna be the first step to recovery. 1111 01:16:00,043 --> 01:16:03,495 But no, I started to cry again. 1112 01:16:04,256 --> 01:16:09,796 And I just don't know if I'm ever, you know, gonna be able to fully recover now. 1113 01:16:09,970 --> 01:16:13,421 Maybe that's a place where I could jump in, share what's going on with me. 1114 01:16:13,599 --> 01:16:15,721 - Who are you? - I'm Fred. 1115 01:16:15,893 --> 01:16:18,514 - Hi, Fred. - Hi. 1116 01:16:19,229 --> 01:16:21,222 Go ahead. Would you like to take a turn now? 1117 01:16:21,773 --> 01:16:24,774 - My name is Fred Claus. - Hi, Fred. 1118 01:16:25,570 --> 01:16:26,768 Hi. 1119 01:16:30,283 --> 01:16:32,074 I'm Santa Claus' brother. 1120 01:16:32,868 --> 01:16:36,451 And I got a lot of stuff going on because of it. 1121 01:16:36,747 --> 01:16:41,125 There's a lot of things... There's a lot of juice in the tank over it. 1122 01:16:41,294 --> 01:16:43,915 - And... - Is this a joke to you? 1123 01:16:44,089 --> 01:16:46,329 - Stephen, by the way. - Hi, Stephen. 1124 01:16:46,506 --> 01:16:47,704 Hey, guys, what's up? 1125 01:16:47,882 --> 01:16:52,296 I mean, because this isn't funny to all of us here in the group. 1126 01:16:52,471 --> 01:16:54,428 Okay, this is very serious to us. 1127 01:16:54,598 --> 01:16:58,263 And I'm feeling very uncomfortable with where you're coming from. 1128 01:16:58,436 --> 01:17:00,594 Wait, Stephen... 1129 01:17:00,771 --> 01:17:04,141 ...maybe to him, his brother is Santa Claus. 1130 01:17:04,358 --> 01:17:05,983 Feel like my brother's Santa Claus. 1131 01:17:06,152 --> 01:17:10,399 But I feel like my brother's Santa Claus because my brother really is Santa Claus. 1132 01:17:10,573 --> 01:17:13,361 All right, that's enough, all right! You and I got a problem! 1133 01:17:13,910 --> 01:17:17,575 Stephen, easy, easy. All right. Stephen, easy. 1134 01:17:18,957 --> 01:17:21,412 That's not Alec, okay? 1135 01:17:21,583 --> 01:17:23,327 Don't look at me, look at him. 1136 01:17:24,461 --> 01:17:25,706 That's not Alec. 1137 01:17:26,047 --> 01:17:27,245 That's not Alec. 1138 01:17:27,757 --> 01:17:29,666 I'm not Alec, you know what I mean? 1139 01:17:29,843 --> 01:17:31,466 All right, let's stomp it out. 1140 01:17:31,636 --> 01:17:33,510 - It's not Alec. - Alec's not gonna hear. 1141 01:17:33,679 --> 01:17:34,759 How's he gonna...? 1142 01:17:34,972 --> 01:17:37,381 - That's not Alec. - Okay, that's not Alec. 1143 01:17:37,559 --> 01:17:39,515 - That's not Alec! - That's not Alec! 1144 01:17:39,811 --> 01:17:42,136 - That's not Alec! - All right! 1145 01:17:42,313 --> 01:17:46,441 Now that you've got Alec's attention, Stephen, what do you wanna tell him? 1146 01:17:47,235 --> 01:17:52,028 Stephen, I think I know where you're coming from... 1147 01:17:52,198 --> 01:17:55,033 ...because I used to be really, really angry with my brother. 1148 01:17:55,618 --> 01:18:00,411 I didn't want to become first brother, especially for the rest of my life. 1149 01:18:00,581 --> 01:18:04,199 I couldn't control being brother of the president of the United States. 1150 01:18:04,710 --> 01:18:07,961 But I could control being Bill Clinton's brother. 1151 01:18:08,131 --> 01:18:11,713 And I made the decision, even though I could have brought the house down... 1152 01:18:11,885 --> 01:18:15,550 ...I made the decision that, for the love of my brother... 1153 01:18:15,722 --> 01:18:18,296 ...and for the love of my family name... 1154 01:18:19,142 --> 01:18:21,467 ...that I was gonna do whatever it took... 1155 01:18:22,604 --> 01:18:24,727 ...because I loved my brother... 1156 01:18:24,898 --> 01:18:29,227 ...and I was always gonna be there for my brother. And I have been. 1157 01:18:29,402 --> 01:18:31,145 And you know what? 1158 01:18:31,321 --> 01:18:32,779 You can be too. 1159 01:18:38,787 --> 01:18:40,495 The Travel Experts? 1160 01:18:40,664 --> 01:18:43,830 Yeah. I need to get to the North Pole right away, like, tonight. 1161 01:18:45,585 --> 01:18:48,504 Yeah, I got $50,000 in cash that says I'm not kidding. 1162 01:19:08,651 --> 01:19:11,687 - Oh, North Pole! North Pole. - North Pole is there? 1163 01:19:11,862 --> 01:19:13,653 Safe journeys to you, and thank you! 1164 01:19:43,060 --> 01:19:47,224 Willie, gather all the elves and meet me in the Workshop right now. Let's go. 1165 01:19:50,485 --> 01:19:52,026 Look, guys... 1166 01:19:52,278 --> 01:19:56,323 ...we gotta make as many presents as we can in the next 10 hours. 1167 01:19:56,491 --> 01:19:57,819 Fred, it's Christmas Eve. 1168 01:19:57,993 --> 01:20:03,283 It's impossible. We just can't build that many toys in that time. 1169 01:20:03,456 --> 01:20:06,078 The rule says that every kid gets a toy. 1170 01:20:06,251 --> 01:20:10,498 So, what would be the easiest toy to make? One for boys and one for girls. 1171 01:20:10,672 --> 01:20:12,878 - A baseball bat. - A Hula-Hoop. 1172 01:20:13,049 --> 01:20:15,670 Well, baseball bats and Hula-Hoops it is, then. 1173 01:20:16,093 --> 01:20:20,091 Charlene, do you think it's possible we can make enough gifts to meet our quota? 1174 01:20:20,264 --> 01:20:23,384 Baseball bats, lose four seconds, 55... 1175 01:20:25,103 --> 01:20:27,178 Yeah, it is possible. 1176 01:20:27,397 --> 01:20:30,648 It is, but, Fred, that's not what the kids asked for. 1177 01:20:30,942 --> 01:20:34,276 Yeah, but all that matters is that each of the kids get a toy. 1178 01:20:34,446 --> 01:20:38,490 That they have something that they can open when they wake up in the morning. 1179 01:20:38,659 --> 01:20:42,656 Most importantly, they all know there's somebody who's thinking about them. 1180 01:20:43,663 --> 01:20:46,616 You guys have never missed a Christmas before. 1181 01:20:47,458 --> 01:20:50,294 If you guys are gonna go out this year... 1182 01:20:51,963 --> 01:20:54,086 ...you're gonna go out trying. 1183 01:21:13,986 --> 01:21:15,979 Okay. We're on it. 1184 01:21:16,947 --> 01:21:19,024 - I've never seen him... - That's because he's... 1185 01:21:19,200 --> 01:21:21,820 ...thrown his back out. - No. 1186 01:21:21,993 --> 01:21:24,282 - Hey, Annette, how you doing? - Fred. 1187 01:21:24,495 --> 01:21:28,245 Nick, I think we're gonna make it. I got elves in the Workshop making presents. 1188 01:21:28,416 --> 01:21:30,705 We're cutting corners, but I think we can make it. 1189 01:21:30,877 --> 01:21:34,044 You'll still be able to save Christmas. We don't have a lot of time. 1190 01:21:34,214 --> 01:21:37,833 That's impossible. The man can hardly carry his own weight. 1191 01:21:38,052 --> 01:21:39,878 I can't move. 1192 01:21:42,181 --> 01:21:44,221 I can't, Fred. 1193 01:21:45,351 --> 01:21:47,178 You can do it. It's Christmas, come on. 1194 01:21:47,353 --> 01:21:51,601 - The kids are out there, counting on us. - Oh, boy, I wish I could. 1195 01:21:53,693 --> 01:21:56,609 Willie, this is your big night. This is your big night, pal. 1196 01:21:56,779 --> 01:21:58,936 You're gonna deliver the presents. Willie can. 1197 01:21:59,114 --> 01:22:00,858 No, Fred, I can't. 1198 01:22:01,033 --> 01:22:03,192 Of course you can. You're great on that sleigh. 1199 01:22:03,368 --> 01:22:06,453 No, no, you don't understand. I can't do it. There's a rule. 1200 01:22:06,622 --> 01:22:09,872 Only a Claus can deliver the presents. 1201 01:22:20,636 --> 01:22:23,887 Do you guys mind giving me just a moment alone with my brother here? 1202 01:22:30,854 --> 01:22:32,053 Yeah. 1203 01:22:35,526 --> 01:22:38,611 I can't do that, Nick. I think you know that. 1204 01:22:41,491 --> 01:22:45,026 I'm not capable. I'm not even comfortable flying... 1205 01:22:45,203 --> 01:22:47,908 ...or being a passenger, let alone trying to fly the sleigh. 1206 01:22:48,081 --> 01:22:50,786 - I don't know my way around reindeer... - Hey, Fred. 1207 01:22:52,335 --> 01:22:53,829 It's all right. 1208 01:22:55,464 --> 01:22:59,675 It's ridiculous for anybody to expect that kind of thing. No. 1209 01:23:00,469 --> 01:23:02,508 You can't do that. You can't. 1210 01:23:03,637 --> 01:23:06,555 It's too huge. Believe me, I know. 1211 01:23:11,980 --> 01:23:14,684 And I would never ask you to do that, Fred. 1212 01:23:17,026 --> 01:23:18,936 It's all right. 1213 01:23:19,112 --> 01:23:20,855 It is all right. 1214 01:23:36,130 --> 01:23:39,960 Nick, there's been one thing that's been eating at me since I've been here. 1215 01:23:40,634 --> 01:23:43,171 That Naughty-Nice List that you got? 1216 01:23:44,971 --> 01:23:47,178 There's no naughty kids, Nick. 1217 01:23:47,974 --> 01:23:49,517 They're all good kids. 1218 01:23:50,185 --> 01:23:52,178 But some of them are scared. 1219 01:23:52,354 --> 01:23:54,679 And some of them don't feel listened to. 1220 01:23:54,898 --> 01:23:57,650 Some of them had some pretty tough breaks too. 1221 01:24:00,654 --> 01:24:03,489 But every kid deserves a present on Christmas. 1222 01:24:42,155 --> 01:24:44,194 Yeah. 1223 01:24:58,504 --> 01:25:03,250 Africa plus Asia, plus Europe, North America, South America. 1224 01:25:03,426 --> 01:25:04,801 It's gonna be close. 1225 01:25:04,970 --> 01:25:07,045 Let's go, people! Let's pick up the pace! 1226 01:25:20,068 --> 01:25:23,732 Red Fred has entered the building. I repeat, Red Fred has entered the building. 1227 01:25:23,905 --> 01:25:26,146 Willie, let's go. 1228 01:25:38,378 --> 01:25:42,376 What the heck's going on around here? Little elves. You can't trust them at all! 1229 01:25:42,549 --> 01:25:43,628 The little tiny people. 1230 01:25:46,094 --> 01:25:48,549 Nice outfit. What the heck do you think you're doing? 1231 01:25:48,722 --> 01:25:50,264 - Delivering presents. - Oh, no. 1232 01:25:50,432 --> 01:25:52,259 Santa is the only one who can deliver. 1233 01:25:52,434 --> 01:25:55,008 Only a Claus can deliver presents and that is a Claus. 1234 01:25:55,437 --> 01:25:59,137 If you think I'm gonna let you get away with this, you are sadly mistaken. 1235 01:25:59,608 --> 01:26:02,692 If you don't get out of the way of this sleigh in three seconds... 1236 01:26:02,860 --> 01:26:04,853 ...I'll be the happiest guy in the North Pole. 1237 01:26:05,029 --> 01:26:07,236 You don't have the guts. 1238 01:26:07,407 --> 01:26:08,605 Okay. 1239 01:26:09,493 --> 01:26:11,284 Three... 1240 01:26:11,620 --> 01:26:13,078 ...two... 1241 01:26:13,246 --> 01:26:15,204 - Willie, how do I do this? - Just say "ho." 1242 01:26:20,796 --> 01:26:24,663 - Good, Fred! Nice firm grip on those reins! - What's happening now? 1243 01:26:24,842 --> 01:26:28,460 Snap those reins, we gotta get this thing in the air! Tell the guys to get up! 1244 01:26:28,637 --> 01:26:29,669 Get up, get up, get up! 1245 01:26:31,848 --> 01:26:34,884 There you go! You got it, Fred! We're going up! 1246 01:26:35,227 --> 01:26:39,010 - You're flying Santa's sleigh! - We're flying. Now what's happening? 1247 01:26:39,189 --> 01:26:40,981 - Watch the roof there. - I can't do it! 1248 01:26:44,152 --> 01:26:46,145 Do it to me, how do I steer this thing? 1249 01:26:46,321 --> 01:26:49,489 We wanna go up! So you gotta pull up on the reins there, Fred! 1250 01:26:49,658 --> 01:26:51,153 Okay. 1251 01:27:05,423 --> 01:27:07,298 Christmas One, do you copy? 1252 01:27:07,467 --> 01:27:11,300 North Pole, this is Christmas One. We copy. We hear you loud and clear. 1253 01:27:11,472 --> 01:27:14,675 Sixty seconds and counting for a landing, North Pole. 1254 01:27:14,850 --> 01:27:16,510 Okay, we've got 10 hours, Fred. 1255 01:27:16,685 --> 01:27:20,350 We need to be done delivering by 5:38 a.m. North Pole time. 1256 01:27:20,523 --> 01:27:22,562 That's sunrise, and that's game over. 1257 01:27:22,734 --> 01:27:24,561 Going down this thing here, it's... 1258 01:27:25,903 --> 01:27:27,563 It's gonna hurt a bit, isn't it? 1259 01:27:27,780 --> 01:27:30,022 I'm not gonna lie to you. It ain't gonna tickle. 1260 01:27:30,242 --> 01:27:33,242 Oh, and one more thing, make sure you eat all the cookies. 1261 01:27:33,411 --> 01:27:36,496 - It hurts people's feelings if you don't. - I got it. 1262 01:27:56,142 --> 01:27:58,051 Head 12 degrees north into London. 1263 01:27:58,395 --> 01:28:01,977 North Pole, this is Christmas One. We're heading 12 degrees north into London. 1264 01:28:03,066 --> 01:28:04,181 Stephen Harding. 1265 01:28:06,486 --> 01:28:07,945 Anna-Marie Gormley. 1266 01:28:09,198 --> 01:28:10,312 Done. 1267 01:28:14,494 --> 01:28:15,987 Emma Short. 1268 01:28:22,877 --> 01:28:25,119 We'll come back to this neighborhood later. 1269 01:28:28,633 --> 01:28:30,756 Go 20 degrees past Dallas towards Lubbock. 1270 01:28:30,968 --> 01:28:32,511 Roger that, North Pole. 1271 01:28:45,359 --> 01:28:48,063 Christmas One, take your heading off one-zero-niner. 1272 01:28:50,363 --> 01:28:52,154 Fred, Fred, Fred! 1273 01:28:54,117 --> 01:28:56,953 - Shake it off, Rudolph! - You sure you've never done this? 1274 01:28:57,120 --> 01:29:00,156 You're driving like an absolute pro who makes a lot of mistakes. 1275 01:29:06,088 --> 01:29:09,872 Oh, it's okay. Friendly, friendly, friendly. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. 1276 01:29:10,384 --> 01:29:11,499 Katherine Tibbett. 1277 01:29:11,677 --> 01:29:14,762 Christmas One, veer right 70 degrees at the Empire State Building. 1278 01:29:40,122 --> 01:29:41,237 Next page. 1279 01:29:53,511 --> 01:29:54,590 Have a slice of challah. 1280 01:29:54,762 --> 01:29:57,548 Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Mazel tov. 1281 01:29:57,723 --> 01:30:00,214 And that knish? Let me just have one of these. 1282 01:30:00,392 --> 01:30:03,014 It's hard to pass these beauties up. You're too generous. 1283 01:30:07,608 --> 01:30:09,067 Kid. 1284 01:30:12,864 --> 01:30:14,524 Santa! You found me! 1285 01:30:14,699 --> 01:30:15,979 Yeah, I found you. 1286 01:30:17,034 --> 01:30:19,193 I find all the good kids. 1287 01:30:20,955 --> 01:30:22,995 Macaroni! It's you! 1288 01:30:23,166 --> 01:30:24,624 Hi, boy. 1289 01:30:25,252 --> 01:30:27,209 Come on, boy. Hi. 1290 01:30:27,546 --> 01:30:29,205 Slam, I want you to listen to me... 1291 01:30:30,549 --> 01:30:34,676 ...you got some advice a while back, and I think it was a little off. 1292 01:30:36,888 --> 01:30:38,714 The world is what you make it. 1293 01:30:40,015 --> 01:30:42,590 It all starts with what you make of yourself. 1294 01:30:43,978 --> 01:30:47,099 And I want you to believe in yourself, Slam... 1295 01:30:47,273 --> 01:30:49,230 ...because you got a lot to believe in. 1296 01:30:51,486 --> 01:30:55,187 And the rest will all... All kind of fall into place. 1297 01:30:55,365 --> 01:30:57,737 - Okay? - Okay. 1298 01:30:59,577 --> 01:31:00,989 Merry Christmas, pal. 1299 01:31:01,372 --> 01:31:02,782 Merry Christmas, Santa. 1300 01:31:03,249 --> 01:31:06,664 - Oh, and Santa? - Yeah. 1301 01:31:06,876 --> 01:31:08,418 Here's your wallet back. 1302 01:31:13,467 --> 01:31:14,747 That's a good start. 1303 01:31:14,926 --> 01:31:17,843 Let's try and build some real momentum with that, okay? 1304 01:31:18,013 --> 01:31:19,091 Okay. 1305 01:31:26,313 --> 01:31:27,808 I think we're gonna make it! 1306 01:31:30,943 --> 01:31:33,185 Christmas One, are you there? Over. 1307 01:31:33,737 --> 01:31:35,066 Are you there...? 1308 01:31:39,535 --> 01:31:41,693 North Pole, go ahead, this is Christmas One. 1309 01:31:42,954 --> 01:31:46,619 Good luck finding your way in the dark without a candle, Freddie. 1310 01:31:46,792 --> 01:31:51,868 And as of right now, each and every one of you little adorable munchkins is fired! 1311 01:31:52,047 --> 01:31:54,455 So go home, pack up your stockings. 1312 01:31:54,633 --> 01:31:57,883 You're taking a bus back to Elfistan or wherever the hell you're from. 1313 01:31:58,053 --> 01:31:59,132 North Pole? 1314 01:32:00,139 --> 01:32:02,760 North Pole, this is Christmas One, go ahead. 1315 01:32:02,934 --> 01:32:04,214 Hey, guys! 1316 01:32:07,271 --> 01:32:09,145 I think we're flying blind up here. 1317 01:32:35,633 --> 01:32:39,298 By the time the sun rises, it will all be over. 1318 01:32:40,554 --> 01:32:41,966 See you in the morning. 1319 01:32:43,099 --> 01:32:46,848 Clyde Archibald Northcutt... 1320 01:32:47,020 --> 01:32:50,602 ...422 Dashwood Drive... 1321 01:32:52,233 --> 01:32:54,142 ...Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. 1322 01:32:57,363 --> 01:33:01,195 Yeah, you made the Most-Naughty list in '68. 1323 01:33:01,368 --> 01:33:04,036 Oh, boy, that was a very, very naughty year. 1324 01:33:04,204 --> 01:33:07,572 - How could you possibly remember that? - You asked me for a Superman cape. 1325 01:33:09,000 --> 01:33:11,621 But I didn't give you a Superman cape, did I? 1326 01:33:15,548 --> 01:33:19,333 - Did you always wear glasses, Clyde? - If you think this changes anything... 1327 01:33:19,511 --> 01:33:21,089 Four-Eyed Clyde. 1328 01:33:21,430 --> 01:33:24,549 - I bet that's what they called you. - I don't know what you're talk... 1329 01:33:24,723 --> 01:33:28,851 Oh, and do you think that after a while of being called Four-Eyed Clyde... 1330 01:33:29,020 --> 01:33:30,728 ...you maybe got a little angry? 1331 01:33:31,105 --> 01:33:34,937 Maybe you started a fight or two. Maybe 10, maybe 12. 1332 01:33:38,446 --> 01:33:41,116 So you asked me for something. 1333 01:33:41,282 --> 01:33:42,527 A Superman cape. 1334 01:33:43,076 --> 01:33:46,196 Because you thought that that was gonna change everything. 1335 01:33:46,371 --> 01:33:47,403 This is ridiculous. 1336 01:33:47,581 --> 01:33:50,915 - So you decide to stay Four-Eyed Clyde? - Because Clark Kent wore glasses! 1337 01:33:51,418 --> 01:33:53,541 But when he turned into Superman... 1338 01:33:54,964 --> 01:33:58,249 ...he didn't need those darn glasses anymore, did he? 1339 01:33:59,885 --> 01:34:01,711 Oh, Clyde. 1340 01:34:03,931 --> 01:34:07,097 It was wrong of me not to give you that gift, Clyde. 1341 01:34:07,267 --> 01:34:11,597 I fear that I had a very incorrect... 1342 01:34:11,771 --> 01:34:14,607 ...misguided understanding of... 1343 01:34:16,235 --> 01:34:17,694 ...naughty children. 1344 01:34:20,906 --> 01:34:24,738 So this may be a little late. 1345 01:34:39,841 --> 01:34:40,921 You wanna put it on? 1346 01:34:43,345 --> 01:34:45,468 Mr. Claus, I'm a 45-year-old man, I'm not... 1347 01:34:45,639 --> 01:34:46,968 Put it on. 1348 01:34:48,600 --> 01:34:50,012 For me. 1349 01:34:51,062 --> 01:34:52,805 - Okay. - Thattaboy. 1350 01:34:57,735 --> 01:34:58,933 Glasses off. 1351 01:35:08,537 --> 01:35:10,079 Now, I need your help. 1352 01:35:15,128 --> 01:35:16,669 Do you know what you're doing? 1353 01:35:17,671 --> 01:35:19,997 Quarter to 2 a.m. There's Ursa Minor. 1354 01:35:20,174 --> 01:35:23,840 That means we should be at longitude 38.25. That's four... 1355 01:35:24,011 --> 01:35:25,589 Take a left! Take a left! 1356 01:35:29,100 --> 01:35:31,259 I really, really need your help. 1357 01:35:32,854 --> 01:35:35,392 I'm gonna need you to turn the power back on, Superman. 1358 01:35:37,192 --> 01:35:39,350 Now, I know that you can do this. 1359 01:35:39,527 --> 01:35:43,359 You have to understand, I've already submitted my report. It's final. 1360 01:35:43,531 --> 01:35:46,200 If Fred doesn't deliver all those presents by sunrise... 1361 01:35:46,367 --> 01:35:49,202 ...the North Pole will be shut down forever. There's nothing... 1362 01:35:49,370 --> 01:35:51,944 I understand that. I do. 1363 01:35:52,123 --> 01:35:54,448 But what do you say we give him his shot? 1364 01:35:56,378 --> 01:35:58,750 Because he's not a naughty kid either. 1365 01:35:58,922 --> 01:36:00,167 I'm trying to... Hold on! 1366 01:36:00,339 --> 01:36:03,009 Just look outside! That looks like the Grand Canyon! 1367 01:36:03,176 --> 01:36:04,255 Isn't that it? 1368 01:36:21,527 --> 01:36:22,725 Oh, boy. 1369 01:36:34,207 --> 01:36:35,238 Fred, it's 4: 15. 1370 01:36:35,417 --> 01:36:38,168 Look, I'm gonna tuck and go as fast as I can, all right? 1371 01:36:47,888 --> 01:36:48,920 Done, done. 1372 01:36:55,646 --> 01:36:58,101 Snap the reins! We need more speed at this altitude! 1373 01:36:58,273 --> 01:37:00,811 - Going as fast as I can! Say when to turn! - Now! 1374 01:37:11,245 --> 01:37:12,276 Fred. 1375 01:37:12,454 --> 01:37:14,780 I know, Willie, I know. 1376 01:37:30,889 --> 01:37:33,559 Fred, I have a bad feeling about this. 1377 01:38:51,054 --> 01:38:52,086 We did it. 1378 01:39:06,487 --> 01:39:07,650 Willie. 1379 01:39:17,956 --> 01:39:19,995 To the snow globe! 1380 01:41:19,204 --> 01:41:25,492 You are the best big brother anybody could ever ask for. 1381 01:41:55,282 --> 01:41:58,616 - Fred? - I brought you a Christmas gift. 1382 01:41:58,786 --> 01:42:00,113 How'd you get in? 1383 01:42:00,287 --> 01:42:02,409 I came down the chimney. 1384 01:42:02,581 --> 01:42:05,582 Freddie, you can't just show up dressed like Father Christmas... 1385 01:42:05,750 --> 01:42:07,827 ...and come down somebody else's chimney. 1386 01:42:08,003 --> 01:42:10,494 Actually, I can. I've been doing that all night. 1387 01:42:11,590 --> 01:42:15,540 Freddie, do you know what? I'm starting to get a bit worried for you, right now... 1388 01:42:15,719 --> 01:42:19,966 ...because like you're standing here, in my bedroom, wearing red. 1389 01:42:20,766 --> 01:42:24,016 And, you know, it's getting like to be sort of restraining order time. 1390 01:42:24,186 --> 01:42:26,891 So, you look sort of tired and I know that I'm very tired. 1391 01:42:27,064 --> 01:42:30,647 So maybe I'll call you later, but right now I think you should just go home. 1392 01:42:30,818 --> 01:42:32,016 All right? Just go home. 1393 01:42:33,196 --> 01:42:35,068 - I am home. - You're what? 1394 01:42:35,238 --> 01:42:39,070 I've given up my lease on my apartment. I'm gonna be moving in here with you. 1395 01:42:39,451 --> 01:42:41,989 But listen, take your time. I want you to digest this... 1396 01:42:42,163 --> 01:42:44,700 ...and process things. I could use a little sleep. 1397 01:42:44,873 --> 01:42:49,370 I'll be right out in our breakfast nook area. I'll be curled up in our breakfast nook. 1398 01:42:49,545 --> 01:42:52,630 When you're ready, you come find me here at home, at our house. 1399 01:43:17,072 --> 01:43:21,865 This is no good. We can't go to bed when we're arguing now that we live together. 1400 01:43:31,337 --> 01:43:34,007 And I got a big surprise planned for you. 1401 01:43:34,383 --> 01:43:36,375 Oh, no, Freddie, not a big surprise, please. 1402 01:43:36,968 --> 01:43:40,052 I think you're gonna change your mind when you see this one. 1403 01:43:47,604 --> 01:43:50,225 Freddie, is it all right that we're doing this? 1404 01:43:50,398 --> 01:43:53,019 - It's a company car. It's one of the perks. - Okay. 1405 01:43:54,027 --> 01:43:56,518 Oh, Freddie, it's unbelievable. 1406 01:43:56,696 --> 01:43:59,021 - We're in Paris, baby. - We're in Paris. 1407 01:44:03,078 --> 01:44:07,740 So, I bet you're wondering what happened to everyone else. 1408 01:44:09,751 --> 01:44:14,081 That Christmas turned out to be one of the most successful ever. 1409 01:44:16,717 --> 01:44:20,666 People everywhere found themselves more satisfied... 1410 01:44:20,845 --> 01:44:22,553 ... and filled up than ever. 1411 01:44:22,722 --> 01:44:26,590 Good work, Hans, you've learned to use the spreadsheet. That's wonderful work. 1412 01:44:26,768 --> 01:44:30,683 So Santa hired Clyde on a consulting basis. 1413 01:44:36,404 --> 01:44:39,938 Oh, it's a nice sweater, Clyde. Real nice sweater. 1414 01:44:40,115 --> 01:44:44,612 Clyde's efficiency ensured that the North Pole never fell behind again. 1415 01:44:44,787 --> 01:44:48,156 Even with every kid getting a present. 1416 01:44:48,583 --> 01:44:53,078 Willie and Charlene found out that kindred spirits and soul mates... 1417 01:44:53,253 --> 01:44:56,587 ... often come in all shapes and sizes. 1418 01:44:58,091 --> 01:45:01,757 And Bob and Linda finally got e-mail. 1419 01:45:01,929 --> 01:45:06,175 Linda, where are all the new orders? 1420 01:45:06,350 --> 01:45:09,802 I e-mailed you five minutes ago! 1421 01:45:09,979 --> 01:45:14,107 Please, do not use all caps all the time, okay? 1422 01:45:14,275 --> 01:45:17,026 - Yeah, but... - Not everything is that important. 1423 01:45:18,195 --> 01:45:19,441 Love you. 1424 01:45:19,947 --> 01:45:21,228 Love you back. 1425 01:45:22,951 --> 01:45:24,742 You're jumping around like animals. 1426 01:45:24,994 --> 01:45:27,532 What are you doing? Stop. What do you got your hat on...? 1427 01:45:27,704 --> 01:45:29,946 You don't have a video. Wear your hat like a man. 1428 01:45:30,123 --> 01:45:32,282 Turn your hat around. Put your hat on straight. 1429 01:45:32,459 --> 01:45:34,582 You wear it like this to block the sun. 1430 01:45:34,753 --> 01:45:36,580 When you're eating, take your hats off. 1431 01:45:37,131 --> 01:45:39,456 She's right. Show respect. Take off your hat! 1432 01:45:39,634 --> 01:45:42,125 Don't forget "man" is also in the word "manners." 1433 01:45:42,303 --> 01:45:44,759 Bring it in for a team chant here. Ready? On three! 1434 01:45:44,931 --> 01:45:47,386 One, two, three, kill them! 1435 01:45:47,725 --> 01:45:50,892 Fred never stopped watching over Slam. 1436 01:45:54,649 --> 01:45:59,988 And by the next Christmas, Slam had a family of his own. 1437 01:46:00,155 --> 01:46:04,199 Three, two, one, happy New Year! 1438 01:46:04,492 --> 01:46:08,905 And Santa Claus finally got the one present he always wanted. 1439 01:46:09,080 --> 01:46:10,159 He got his brother back. 1440 01:46:10,331 --> 01:46:13,498 I'm not letting go. I got you in a death grip. I'm not letting go. 1441 01:46:15,128 --> 01:46:17,204 Look! Slimming down. Citrus fruits. 1442 01:46:17,381 --> 01:46:18,543 Get out there, big guy. 1443 01:46:18,715 --> 01:46:20,173 Bit more fancy, you know. 1444 01:46:20,342 --> 01:46:22,833 Wanda, excuse me. Mind if I take her away for a second? 1445 01:46:23,011 --> 01:46:25,846 Oh, yeah, go right ahead. 1446 01:46:26,015 --> 01:46:28,172 Come here, Dad. It's just you and me now. 1447 01:46:28,475 --> 01:46:30,266 But as I told you before... 1448 01:46:30,435 --> 01:46:33,769 ... this is the story of a boy named Fred. 1449 01:46:33,980 --> 01:46:37,183 I just love Wanda. I mean, she's a little bit above your station. 1450 01:46:37,399 --> 01:46:40,685 So I thought maybe you should just sort of clean up your act, you know? 1451 01:46:40,861 --> 01:46:44,362 Have a great new wardrobe to start off the new year. You're a Claus. 1452 01:46:44,574 --> 01:46:47,279 Get out there. You know, look at your dad. He's so dapper. 1453 01:46:47,452 --> 01:46:49,575 Don't do it to me. I'm trying to be positive. 1454 01:46:49,746 --> 01:46:54,290 Oh, but I'm positive too. I'm positive I'm right. You need a new wardrobe. 1455 01:46:54,459 --> 01:46:55,574 Okay. 1456 01:46:55,878 --> 01:46:57,953 - Happy New Year to you, Mom. - Happy New Year. 1457 01:46:58,130 --> 01:47:00,834 - I love you. - I love you too. 1458 01:47:01,425 --> 01:47:03,168 That's more like it. 1459 01:47:03,344 --> 01:47:04,706 How about that move?