1 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:58,600 Congratulations, Hudson High Class of 2004. 2 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,840 There she is. Fiona! 3 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:20,040 Bye. 4 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:21,480 - Hey. - Hey! 5 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,520 - Hey, you. 6 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:28,800 - Congratulations, graduate. - Thanks, baby. 7 00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:31,560 And congratulations to you, Cooper. 8 00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:33,280 Aww. Thanks, baby! 9 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:35,240 - Nice try. - All right. 10 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:37,920 - See you at Wade's party tonight? - See you then. 11 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:42,880 So, it's just you and me for the entire summer. 12 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:46,400 Next year you graduate, join me at college. Just like we planned. 13 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:49,800 - Scott, we need to talk. - Yeah? About what? 14 00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:52,000 About me dumping you. 15 00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:53,280 Huh? 16 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:54,600 There he is! 17 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:58,240 The graduate and his beautiful girlfriend. OK? 18 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,840 Smile, you two! 19 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:03,880 - Action! - Dad, Mom, Grandma... 20 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:05,720 Uncle Moke... uh... 21 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:08,000 I'm gonna need a minute here, OK? 22 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:09,960 What do you mean, you're dumping me? 23 00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:13,480 I just can't take all the lying and cheating on each other anymore. 24 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:16,720 What are you talking about? Sweetie, I never cheated on you. 25 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:18,760 I know. That's what makes this so hard. 26 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:20,600 You're looking good, you guys. 27 00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:24,880 Scotty, it's not you. It's me. 28 00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:29,120 There I go, lying again. No, it was you. 29 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:31,120 You're just so... 30 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:33,400 ...predictable. - Smile! 31 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:36,200 So, that's it. 32 00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:38,000 Here's your letter jacket back. 33 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:39,520 Goodbye. 34 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,280 This isn't mine. 35 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:49,040 She's a keeper, huh? Oh, wow. 36 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:51,160 Oh, my God. 37 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:54,680 Fiona! 38 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,880 Let's see that again. 39 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:07,240 Fiona! 40 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:09,680 - This is just so brutal. 41 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:12,960 And yet I can't look away. Bert, play it again. Come on. 42 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:17,000 - Fiona! - Bert, get out of here. 43 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:19,080 OK.See you. 44 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,880 All right. Stay black, Bert. 45 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:24,840 "Fiona!" 46 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:26,760 Mail, motherfucker! 47 00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:28,560 Hey, I got one from Mieke. 48 00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:33,640 "Happy Herzlichen." 49 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:36,840 Still writing that guy? I thought that was for German class. 50 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:39,880 Yeah at first, but we're actually becoming good friends. 51 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:41,920 He's a really cool guy. 52 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:47,120 "Dear Mieke, greetings from your American pen pal." 53 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,680 Scotty, Girl Scouts have pen pals. 54 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:51,800 Listen to yourself, all right? 55 00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:56,920 You met a "cool guy" on the "internet." This is how these sexual predators work. 56 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,840 Next thing you know, he'll want to "arrange a meeting" 57 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:02,920 where he will gas you, stuff you in the back of his van, 58 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:05,640 and make a wind chime out of your genitals. 59 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,160 Come on, let's go to Wade's. 60 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:09,600 All right. Screw it. Let's go. 61 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:12,200 I'm not gonna let Fiona ruin my graduation night. 62 00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:14,160 Auf wiedersehen, Mieke. 63 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,840 - What's up, losers? - What's up, Jenny? 64 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:31,280 What's up, dude? 65 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:33,320 Sorry to hear about Fiona. She's a whore. 66 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:35,120 That's very sweet of you. Thanks. 67 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:38,440 Enough Fiona talk. Look around. There's gotta be 100 drunk girls. 68 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:40,880 We should try to have sex with every one of 'em. 69 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:42,800 Hello? Mixed company? 70 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,240 What? 71 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:45,920 - I'm a girl! - No, you're not. 72 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:49,760 - You're just a cool guy with long hair. - So, where's your evil twin brother? 73 00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:51,680 Jenny! 74 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:53,120 There he is. 75 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:56,440 Hey, Jamie. In fine form, I see. 76 00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:59,600 Why'd you get me gin and tonic? 77 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,160 - I hate gin. - You do? 78 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:04,960 You guys are the worst twins ever! 79 00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:09,280 Chug! Chug! 80 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:14,520 - When are you guys taking off? - Tomorrow morning. 81 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,200 Hey, Wade! Great party, buddy. 82 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:20,600 Man, I am so excited! 83 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:23,040 A whole summer, backpacking around Europe. 84 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:26,800 You should've come with us instead of working for Dr. Dad, Scotty! 85 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,200 It's gonna be so awesome! 86 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:34,240 Yeah. I planned every detail of the trip to maximize the fun! 87 00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:36,280 You brought a guidebook to a party? 88 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:40,360 - Do you wanna see my itinerary? - Do you wanna see my balls? 89 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:42,680 You guys decide where you're gonna go first? 90 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:44,360 Paris! I can't wait. 91 00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:47,960 Two years ago Nicky Jager's sister, Debbie, met a wealthy French guy, 92 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:50,920 and spent a month sailing the Mediterranean on his yacht. 93 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:53,840 Isn't that the most romantic thing you've ever heard? 94 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:59,320 Stuck on a boat with a weird French guy? That sounds a little gay. 95 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:02,520 It's not gay. I'm a girl. 96 00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:04,280 - Kinda gay. - A little gay. 97 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:08,240 I gotta piss like a pregnant woman. 98 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:11,880 Hey, listen up, everybody. 99 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:15,240 Gotta a little special thing I'd like to do tonight. 100 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:17,680 Going to play a little song for you 101 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:21,880 about the nastiest, freakiest little sex puppet I know... 102 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:24,640 Fiona. 103 00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:33,240 This one's for you, baby. Happy anniversary. 104 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:41,960 " Scotty doesn't know That Fiona and me 105 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,400 " Do it in my van every Sunday 106 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:47,200 " She tells him she's in church But she doesn't go 107 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:50,080 " Still she's on her knees And Scotty doesn't know 108 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:54,080 " Oh, Scotty doesn't know 109 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:56,920 " So don't tell Scotty Scotty doesn't know 110 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,160 " Scotty doesn't know " 111 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:02,040 I hope we're just as popular in college as we were in high school. 112 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:04,040 - We will be. - I know. 113 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:06,960 Who needs more Chablis? 114 00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:10,960 - Candy, wanna come with? - No, I'll stay here. 115 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,200 Well, there's your R-rating right there. 116 00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:20,240 - Whoops! 117 00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:22,240 Holy cow! 118 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,840 Oh, this isn't where I parked my car! 119 00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:28,920 " I can't believe He's so trusting 120 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:34,440 " While I'm right behind you thrusting 121 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:37,040 " 'Cause Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 122 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,760 Cooper Harris, you're a pig! 123 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:41,960 Uh... Candy, you should clean that off before you go. 124 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:44,640 Clean what off? 125 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:46,440 You got a little something on you. 126 00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:52,080 - Where? - Right there. 127 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:54,920 It's like a smudge, or something. 128 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:57,440 Where? 129 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:01,960 It's like dirt, or something. Just go like this. 130 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:05,280 Is it off? 131 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:07,080 No, keep rubbing it. 132 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:16,400 " I did it with her on his birthday 133 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:18,920 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know 134 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:22,040 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know 135 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:25,440 " Don't tell Scotty Scotty doesn't know " 136 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:29,560 Mmm-hmm... mmm-hmm... 137 00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:31,280 No, it's just not coming off. 138 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:33,760 What is it? 139 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:37,000 Maybe tree sap or something. Try pinching it. 140 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,520 No, it's just not coming off. I'll tell you what. 141 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:44,800 Lick your fingers, get some saliva going. 142 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:46,120 Like this? 143 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:47,600 Yeah. 144 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,080 Again, not enough saliva. 145 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,800 - Is it off yet? - Fine, I'll do it. 146 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:07,240 Come here. 147 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:08,960 Oh, my God! Candy! 148 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,520 Cooper! 149 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:15,320 Hey... 150 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:18,280 This isn't where I parked my car. 151 00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:21,640 " Scotty doesn't know 152 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:31,760 Hey. 153 00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:36,000 Scotty doesn't know! Scotty doesn't know! 154 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,920 This band rocks! 155 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,880 - Yeah! 156 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,560 Mail, motherfucker! 157 00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:12,960 Hey, Mieke. 158 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,360 "Dear Scott, 159 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:18,800 "I was very sad to hear about your lady woman Fiona dumping you. 160 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:22,440 "Since you no longer have a girlfriend, maybe I could come to America 161 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:26,800 "and we could get to know each other better. Perhaps we could... 162 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:28,840 "zussamen." 163 00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,840 What the fuck is "zussamen"? 164 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:39,920 "Arrange a meeting." 165 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,760 No, no, no! Come on! Cooper was right. 166 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:44,800 This guy wants to have sex with me. 167 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:48,360 "Listen, Mieke... 168 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:51,000 "I don't want to arrange any meetings with you, 169 00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:53,680 "you sick, German freak. 170 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:56,880 "So please keep your hands off my genitals, 171 00:12:56,960 --> 00:13:01,280 "and never write to me again, and don't come to America." 172 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:03,160 "Goodbye." 173 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:09,320 Oww. 174 00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:25,880 I'm never drinking again. Oh, that's nice. 175 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:30,920 Bert, what are you doing? 176 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,560 Reading your email. 177 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:34,520 Don't do that. 178 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:37,960 Why are you wearing my bathrobe? 179 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:40,040 Oh, I'm sorry... 180 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:43,280 but somebody pissed all over mine last night. 181 00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:49,240 Wow. I can't believe this German chick wants to come here and hook up with you. 182 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:51,680 I don't think so, buddy. Mieke's a guy. 183 00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:54,640 No, it says right here, "trauriges madchen." 184 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:57,200 "I was a sad girl to hear about Fiona." 185 00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:58,600 Fuckin' A, Scott. 186 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:02,440 I'm taking "Intro to German," and even I know that. 187 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:03,760 Come here. 188 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,760 He sent me a picture, retardo. 189 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:09,440 See? That's a picture of Mieke and his cute cousin, Jan. 190 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:11,160 No, retardo. 191 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:14,920 That's Jan, a man's name, and that's not "Mike," 192 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,720 it's "Mieke," a common German girl's name, 193 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,560 similar to our Michelle. 194 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:23,080 I hope you wrote her back and told her to come visit. 195 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:26,520 You didn't? 196 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,800 You thought she was a guy! 197 00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:31,800 I'm getting the video camera! Ha! 198 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:34,560 What an asshole! 199 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,120 No. 200 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:37,320 No. 201 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:40,440 No!! 202 00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:12,360 "Address blocked"? "Email not delivered." 203 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:14,480 No... come on! 204 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:17,640 Hey, Mom made waffles. 205 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:21,040 - What's going on? - I'm in love with my penpal. 206 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:22,960 I'm in love with Mieke. 207 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:27,760 OK... OK. 208 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:31,720 You know what? I was actually expecting this. 209 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:35,640 Frankly, I'm flattered you picked me to come out to first. 210 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,520 And don't worry about telling your folks, 'cause... 211 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:41,640 - I think they already know. - No, you idiot. Mike is a girl. 212 00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:43,080 No, no, I get it. Yeah. 213 00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:47,600 He's the girl, and you're the girl, and sometimes you're both the girl. 214 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,320 Right? 215 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:51,680 Right? That's hot. 216 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:55,080 But whatever works for you. I'm not gonna judge it. 217 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,960 Will you stop? Look, come here. Look at this picture. 218 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:00,920 Wow. Who's the hot chick? 219 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:04,000 That's "Mike." I mean, Mieke. 220 00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,960 That's who you've been writing to all this time? 221 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,200 Until last night, when I took your advice 222 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:11,760 and told her to keep her "hands off my genitals." 223 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:16,560 Given what we know now, that seems like the exact opposite of what you want. 224 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,680 This is a total disaster. 225 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,720 Oh, come on. It's not that bad. 226 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:24,200 Though she is really hot. 227 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:27,480 You're not listening. I don't even care what she looks like. 228 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:30,680 Mieke and I had this incredible bond. 229 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:34,200 I told her things I couldn't even tell you. 230 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:35,640 Like what? 231 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:38,560 - Nothing. It's a figure of speech. - No, seriously. What? 232 00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:41,280 - Nothing. The point... - You like me better, right? 233 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:45,120 This girl is not only smart and funny, and stunningly beautiful, 234 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:48,520 but until I screwed up, she wanted to come all the way to America, 235 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:49,760 just to be with me. 236 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,800 - So do something about it. - What can I do? 237 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:55,880 She blocked her email account, her phone number's not listed. 238 00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:58,160 The only thing I know is she lives in Berlin. 239 00:16:58,240 --> 00:16:59,600 So go to Berlin. 240 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:03,360 I can't just go to Berlin, Coop. 241 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,320 - Why not? - Because... 242 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:08,960 I just can't, OK? I'm supposed to work for my dad this summer. 243 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,360 It looks good on my med school application. 244 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,160 Oh, Jesus, Scotty! 245 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:16,160 Man, Fiona was right. You're so predictable. 246 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:27,640 - I'm going to Germany. - No... 247 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,960 we're going to Germany. 248 00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:39,200 How are we going to get to Germany? 249 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:41,680 Don't worry. I've got it covered. 250 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:46,960 - We're going to be couriers? - Best way to get a cheap flight. 251 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:50,640 We just have to carry their packages, then drop them off when we get there. 252 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:53,560 - My cousin did it going to India. - Yeah? 253 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:56,960 Of course, he ended up using a public restroom in New Delhi 254 00:17:57,040 --> 00:18:00,360 and they had to cut off his leg. You know... 255 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:03,200 but he got there cheap, is what I'm saying. 256 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:06,320 OK, I don't have anything to Germany for a week. 257 00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:10,400 But I can get you both to London today for $118. 258 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:11,440 Anything else? 259 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:16,120 Europe is the size of the Eastwood Mall. We can walk to Berlin from there. 260 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:19,560 - Cooper, England's an island. - OK, swim. Whatever. 261 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:21,600 We'll take it. 262 00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:38,120 Hey. Thanks for coming with me. 263 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:41,040 I know you had that internship at the law firm this summer. 264 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,440 Well, forget about the law firm. 265 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:46,760 And don't thank me. I should be thanking you. 266 00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:49,320 This trip is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity 267 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,880 for me to broaden my sexual horizons. 268 00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:54,360 What are you talking about? 269 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:56,600 I'm talking about crazy European sex. 270 00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:59,040 Ah. 271 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:02,000 You know America was founded by prudes. 272 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:04,440 Prudes who left Europe, because they hated 273 00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:08,560 all the kinky, steamy European sex that was going on. 274 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:11,920 And now I, Cooper Harris, 275 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:15,040 will return to the land of my perverted forefathers 276 00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:18,920 and claim my birthright, which is a series 277 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:22,120 of erotic and sexually challenging adventures. 278 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:26,960 You've really thought a lot about this, haven't you? 279 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,680 It's my passion. 280 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,600 Come on, come on! 281 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:50,960 - The adventure begins. - Welcome to jolly old England. 282 00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:54,440 Yeah, breathe that sweet, sexy, European air. 283 00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:57,320 - Oh. - What is that? 284 00:19:57,400 --> 00:20:00,000 It's the phone they gave me at the law firm. 285 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:01,600 Yeah, it's pretty neat, huh? 286 00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:03,200 - Works anywhere. - Yeah? 287 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:04,880 Excuse me. 288 00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:07,720 Cooper here. 289 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:09,640 Hello, Mr. Walters. 290 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:12,600 Yes, sir, I'm down in file storage. 291 00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:14,440 Um, hang on one second. 292 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:22,520 No, sir, I can't find the Gutterman file anywhere. 293 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:24,080 Yes, sir, I'll keep looking. 294 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:25,960 I don't rest until I find it. 295 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,520 Didn't tell your boss you were leaving the country? 296 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:32,600 They would've stopped paying me. It seemed easier. 297 00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:34,560 - So, where to? - I don't know. 298 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:38,280 First bus to Berlin doesn't leave till tomorrow. What do you wanna do? 299 00:20:38,360 --> 00:20:41,760 Got the Tower of London... there's Buckingham Palace. 300 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,760 - Uh... - There's no drinking age. 301 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:45,600 - There you go! - Come on. 302 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:49,600 - Hey!"The Fiesty Goat." 303 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:54,760 All right! 304 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:57,520 What do you wanna... 305 00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:09,840 Soccer hooligans. 306 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:15,640 Hey, this isn't where I parked my car! 307 00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:17,920 Oy! 308 00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,960 Who the bloody hell are you? 309 00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:26,200 This is a private members bar, exclusively for the supporters 310 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:29,120 of the greatest football team in the world... 311 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,600 Manchester United. 312 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:34,720 Now please, enlighten me. 313 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:36,240 Who the fuck are you?! 314 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:40,120 That is a good question, and... Scotty? 315 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:41,640 Huh? 316 00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:47,920 We're the Manchester United fan club... 317 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:49,720 from Ohio. 318 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:52,320 If you're Manchester United supporters... 319 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:55,000 sing the Manchester United song. 320 00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:58,360 Excuse me, I'm sorry. I'm not much of a singer... 321 00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:01,200 - Sing!! - " My baby takes 322 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,240 " The morning train 323 00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:08,400 " He works from 9 to 5 and then 324 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:12,040 " He takes another home again 325 00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:14,320 " To find me... 326 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:19,480 " watching the Manchester United football team! " 327 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:20,960 Eh? 328 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:25,360 The best freakin' team in all the land! Whoo-hoo! 329 00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:33,040 Pretty good. 330 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:35,280 - Pretty dang good, lads! - Yeah! 331 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:46,720 " My baby takes the morning train 332 00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:50,680 " He works from 9 to 5 and then 333 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:54,280 " He takes another home again 334 00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:58,000 " To find me waiting for him 335 00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:02,160 " He's always on that morning train " 336 00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:06,920 I've unblocked your email address, 337 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:09,880 but this Scott is not responding. 338 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:13,960 He was the one. 339 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:18,000 I was going to give myself to him. 340 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,880 Perhaps you should give yourself to someone else... 341 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:26,840 fraulein. 342 00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:49,200 I'm never drinking again. 343 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:50,720 Coop, wake up. 344 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,360 Oh, man, that was a wild night. 345 00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:57,520 You think? 346 00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:06,760 Scotty, where the hell are we going? 347 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:10,640 Don't worry. If anything bad happens, my parents will find us. 348 00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:13,720 Honey, where's Scotty? 349 00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:18,440 - Cooper said they were going camping. - Oh, that's nice. 350 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:20,160 And where's Bert? 351 00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:22,440 Fuck if I know. 352 00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:35,600 Hey! How are you, you scalawag! 353 00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:38,120 Look, given the current geopolitical climate, 354 00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:41,120 all European countries should have a seat at the table. 355 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:43,560 - Right. - Except those fucking Ities. 356 00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:45,800 I hate them Italian bastards. 357 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:47,760 - You know what I mean? - Excuse me. 358 00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:49,080 Hello, boyo! 359 00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:53,240 - What the hell happened last night? - You got steamed up, pissed as a fart. 360 00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:55,000 Too much sauce, son. 361 00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:56,280 Don't worry. 362 00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:59,080 We come and got ya, so you wouldn't miss the trip. 363 00:24:59,120 --> 00:25:00,840 What trip? 364 00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:04,040 - Where are we going? - What do you mean, where are we going? 365 00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:07,040 We're going to see the Mighty Reds do the frogs in Paris. 366 00:25:07,120 --> 00:25:08,040 Aren't we, boys? 367 00:25:08,120 --> 00:25:10,640 Yeah! 368 00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:12,360 Why are you yelling at me? 369 00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:14,760 So I tell the swamp donkey to sock it 370 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,680 before I give her a trunky in the tradesman's entrance 371 00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:20,000 and have her lick me yardballs! 372 00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:26,520 Wow. You guys are on a completely different level of swearing over here. 373 00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:29,480 Coop? Cooper, we're going to Paris. 374 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:31,000 I know. Cecil told me. 375 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:33,640 Mieke's in Berlin. We're not going to Berlin. 376 00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:35,600 What are we gonna do? We need a plan. 377 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:39,240 See what I'm talking about? This is predictable Scotty talking. 378 00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:43,880 Relax. Paris is practically a suburb of Berlin. It's a nothing commute. 379 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:47,400 That's why France and Germany have always been allies. 380 00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,400 The twins. The twins are in Paris, right? 381 00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:55,280 We can call them. They could help. Let me see your phone. 382 00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:58,400 Okay, but I'm only supposed to use this for business calls. 383 00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:00,200 Hey, don't... 384 00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:18,760 You're on the wrong side of the road, 385 00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:20,560 you snail-eating puffs. 386 00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:24,560 Fuck off! Go on, you Gaelic fucking garlic-breath tossers! 387 00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:26,720 Piss off! Get in here and say that, 388 00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:29,000 you froggy Itie shities! 389 00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:34,200 - Fucking beep! 390 00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:37,200 We'll beep, you bastard, all over your fucking nose! 391 00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,160 Get out of the way! Piss off! 392 00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:48,080 Hey, lads! 393 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:50,640 That wanker's got a frog football shirt on! 394 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:53,080 Let's give this nancy a fucking good kicking! 395 00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:55,440 Come on, lads, he's going off! 396 00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:12,680 All right. Twins said they'd meet us here. 397 00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:13,640 Look at that! 398 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:15,560 There they are. Come on. Jenny! 399 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:17,680 - Jamie! - Hey! 400 00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:18,680 Come here! 401 00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:19,800 No, no. No, no, no! 402 00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:22,440 - Scott, bienvenu a Paris. - Thank you. 403 00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:24,960 - Is that a new camera? - It isn't just a camera, 404 00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:26,920 this is a Leica M7. 405 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:28,960 Uber-sensitive exposure settings, 406 00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:30,760 legendary cloth shutter system. 407 00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:33,360 - Let me see that thing. - No can do. 408 00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:36,360 I spent four years tutoring lacrosse players to pay for it, 409 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:39,280 so nobody touches my camera but me. 410 00:27:39,360 --> 00:27:41,560 - It's like your wiener. - No, it's not... 411 00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:43,600 - Jenny... - Cooper, leave him alone. 412 00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:46,960 Wow, I can't believe you came all the way to Europe for a girl. 413 00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:48,640 Wait, not just any girl. 414 00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:50,240 Show her the picture, Scotty. 415 00:27:50,360 --> 00:27:53,000 She makes girls in our high school look like walruses. 416 00:27:53,120 --> 00:27:55,160 I'm a girl from your high school. 417 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:56,640 No, I mean "girl" girls. 418 00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:59,400 Guys, we're wasting the whole day here. We're in Paris! 419 00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:00,800 Let's go to the Louvre! 420 00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:02,640 To the Louvre! 421 00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:37,440 So, you guys wanna stay here, 422 00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:40,280 or should we check out the huge line at the Eiffel Tower? 423 00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:44,160 Here's a fun fact. Voltaire contracted syphilis two blocks from here. 424 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:46,440 - Should we go? - Can we please get out of here? 425 00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:49,400 - This guy's really creeping me out. - Who, robot man? 426 00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:52,280 He's just trying to feed his robot family. 427 00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:54,440 - I really don't like him. - Why? 428 00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:57,720 Because he's doing this? 429 00:28:57,800 --> 00:28:59,480 OK, seriously, don't do that. 430 00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:02,600 Cooper. Do not hate me. 431 00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:06,480 I am familiar with over 600 dance moves 432 00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:08,560 and I am programmed to get... 433 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:14,560 freaky. 434 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:28,280 You're just upset because people like me better. 435 00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:29,280 It's okay. 436 00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:54,960 Oh! 437 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:09,880 Fight! Fight! 438 00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:15,400 Break the leg shot! 439 00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:26,560 Ha! Ha! Ha! 440 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:33,400 Don't look in his eyes, Scotty. 441 00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:41,000 - Ohhh! - That was not cool. 442 00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:07,760 - Oh! 443 00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:12,560 Guys, let's go. Come on. 444 00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:19,640 Error! Error! Error! 445 00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:22,360 How cool is this? 446 00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:25,000 It's a shame we only get to spend one day together. 447 00:31:25,040 --> 00:31:27,640 - Why don't you come to Berlin? - Umm, no. 448 00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:30,800 Jamie, come on. In a few months, we go to different colleges. 449 00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:34,320 This could be the last chance the four of us are together like this. 450 00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:36,200 Plus, we're in Europe. Huh? 451 00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:38,280 This should be the trip of a lifetime. 452 00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:40,520 There's no way we should split up. 453 00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:43,880 All right, this table is now Europe, OK? 454 00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:46,280 Excuse me. 455 00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:49,520 We are right here, in Paris, 456 00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:51,680 and I have got to get to Mieke, 457 00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:54,000 who is over here, in Berlin. 458 00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:56,880 If you come with us, I'm sure there's a ton of great stuff 459 00:31:56,960 --> 00:31:58,960 to see along the way. 460 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:02,080 - We can go to Denmark. - I love Denmark. 461 00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:04,480 - We gotta hit Amsterdam. - Definitely. 462 00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:07,240 And the cathedral at Cameret! 463 00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:10,400 - Yeah... - Maybe. We'll see. 464 00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:14,320 - Whatever. - If there's time. 465 00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:17,480 Come on! I really want you to be there when I meet Mieke. 466 00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:18,640 Fine. 467 00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:20,360 - Excellent! - All right! 468 00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:23,280 - A toast! - Yes! 469 00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:25,360 - To Mieke! - To Europe! 470 00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:26,760 To Europe! 471 00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:28,480 Merci. 472 00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:32,320 - Berlin, here we come! - All right. 473 00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:33,880 Better let me hold on to those. 474 00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:41,560 - What the hell is that? - It's a traveler's money belt. 475 00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:43,760 Frommer's says if you have one of these, 476 00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:45,520 no one can rob you of anything. 477 00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:47,040 Except your dignity. 478 00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:49,600 No, you just put that in your... 479 00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:50,960 wait, what? 480 00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:53,360 Come on, guidebook. Let's go. 481 00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:57,240 Check it out. 482 00:32:57,280 --> 00:32:59,720 European ass. 483 00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:03,240 What's up? 484 00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:09,200 Jesus, Jenny. I thought you were some... 485 00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:11,760 girl. Come on. Platform 4. 486 00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:13,880 Thanks. 487 00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:16,400 Damn! 488 00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:22,040 I believe this is yours. 489 00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:28,840 Pleased to meet you. My name is Christoph. 490 00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:31,400 - Jenny, let's go! - Move it! 491 00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:34,320 Those are my friends. We're supposed to go to Berlin... 492 00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:36,880 - Jenny! - I'm coming!! 493 00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:40,200 So, it was really nice to meet you. 494 00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:42,160 The pleasure was all mine... 495 00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:45,520 Jennifer. 496 00:34:27,720 --> 00:34:30,200 " Scotty doesn't know That Fiona and me " 497 00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:33,120 " Do it in my van on Sundays " 498 00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:35,480 " Tells him she's... " What? 499 00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:38,800 You gotta admit, it's a really catchy tune. 500 00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:43,960 " Tells him she's in church But she doesn't go " 501 00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:47,240 " Still she's on her knees And Scotty doesn't know " 502 00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:48,960 " Scotty doesn't know " 503 00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:51,840 - " Scotty doesn't... " - Buongiorno. 504 00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:57,680 Buongiorno. 505 00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:07,200 You know, there are a lot of other empty compartments. 506 00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:08,720 Huh? 507 00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:10,840 Ah! Si... 508 00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:12,400 Si. 509 00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:45,360 Pardon me. 510 00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:46,520 Eh? 511 00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:49,400 Ohhh... 512 00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:50,920 Scusi. 513 00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:53,800 Mi scusi. 514 00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:18,560 Hi. 515 00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:20,240 Buongiorno. 516 00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:34,920 - What the hell are you doing? - Mi scusi, mi scusi. 517 00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:36,240 No! No, no, no! 518 00:36:38,720 --> 00:36:40,240 - Uh-oh. - What? 519 00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:41,280 Big tunnel. 520 00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:48,200 Who's touching me? Scotty, is that you? 521 00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:50,000 Who's touching me?! Scotty! 522 00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:58,760 Oh! 523 00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:00,600 Scusi. 524 00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:24,360 Buongiorno. 525 00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:34,200 Crans Sur Mer. We change trains here. 526 00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:38,520 Well, we got a couple of hours to kill. 527 00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:40,200 What's there to see in this town? 528 00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:43,240 Hello? The Monument des Poissonieres. 529 00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:46,400 It's a monument to all the local fishermen who were lost at sea. 530 00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:49,480 Frommer's says it's supposed to be..."quite moving." 531 00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:52,400 What the hell is wrong with you, C-3PO? 532 00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:55,120 We're here to see Europe, not some crappy statue. 533 00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:57,040 I'm taking a nap. 534 00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:59,080 Wake me up when the train gets here. 535 00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:02,160 Hmm. Says here this town has a famous nude beach. 536 00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:04,920 All right, we can't all just lie around all day. 537 00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:07,680 We gotta experience the culture firsthand. 538 00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:09,840 Let's go exploring! 539 00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:14,800 So, what's the etiquette on boners? 540 00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:16,720 Do I roll over and dig out a hole for it, 541 00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:19,600 or is it cool to just let my flag fly? 542 00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:22,000 Wait, wait. 543 00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:24,600 Does "nude beach" mean we have to get naked, too? 544 00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:26,280 Of course. 545 00:38:26,360 --> 00:38:27,800 Do you think you can go an hour 546 00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:29,800 without your currency colostomy bag? 547 00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:32,960 As long as this thing has our money and passports in it, 548 00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:36,480 it's not coming off, and my trunks won't come off, either. 549 00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:37,840 Come on. 550 00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:39,960 You came all the way to Europe. 551 00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:41,720 Can't wimp out now. 552 00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:44,880 OK. 553 00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:46,600 All right, on the count of three. 554 00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:47,760 Here we go. 555 00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:49,280 3,2,1... 556 00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:52,040 Look at Jamie's penis! 557 00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:53,880 Very funny. Very funny. 558 00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:55,120 All right. 559 00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:59,600 Let the crazy European sex odyssey begin. 560 00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:00,840 - Here we go. - Really? 561 00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:02,080 - Yes. - Mm-hmm. 562 00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:08,520 - Hello, ladies! 563 00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:16,480 - Ladies? - Bitches? 564 00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:25,600 Eww! What a rip! There's no nude girls here, 565 00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:27,720 Just guys like us looking for nude girls. 566 00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:29,960 I don't understand. 567 00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:33,120 "Crans Sur Mer has one of the best nude beaches on the continent. 568 00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:34,640 "However... 569 00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:39,600 "during the summer, the European women 570 00:39:39,720 --> 00:39:42,080 "are chased away by gawking male tourists, 571 00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:45,840 "so Europe's most nubile exhibitionists head to the deserted beach 572 00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:48,120 "next to the Monument des Poissonieres." 573 00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:06,440 There's so many penises. 574 00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:09,800 Frommer's tried to tell you, but you just didn't listen. 575 00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:12,000 This is the biggest sausage fest on earth. 576 00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:14,480 It's the international house of sausage. 577 00:40:14,560 --> 00:40:15,880 Hey! 578 00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:20,480 - Thanks for waiting. - You're not missing anything. 579 00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:21,920 It's all guys. 580 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:24,800 At least the sun's out. 581 00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:31,680 " Dreams come true " 582 00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:45,800 " I made my dreams come true " 583 00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:48,600 " My dreams come true " 584 00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:52,840 Holy crap! 585 00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:55,720 What? I thought this was a nude beach. 586 00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:58,680 No!!! 587 00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:03,800 - Huh? - No. 588 00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:06,800 - What? What are you doing? - Jenny, you gotta cover up. 589 00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:08,560 Girl? 590 00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:09,720 Girl! 591 00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:14,480 Ooh, girl. Girl... girl. 592 00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:17,200 Girl... girl... 593 00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:18,480 Run! 594 00:41:24,240 --> 00:41:26,200 - I'm not gonna make it. 595 00:41:26,240 --> 00:41:28,680 - Go on without me. - All right. See ya. 596 00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:33,640 Chica! Chica! 597 00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:43,680 Chica! Chica! 598 00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:55,160 Reading Mieke's old emails again? 599 00:41:55,240 --> 00:41:56,680 Yeah. 600 00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:01,920 I have no idea what I'm going to say to that girl when I see her. 601 00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:06,280 You know, she said I might be the one? 602 00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:07,960 That's huge. 603 00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:11,400 I've never been "the one" before. 604 00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:15,040 Thought I was "the one" with Fiona, but turns out I was, what, 101? 605 00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:17,520 - 200. - 200! 606 00:42:17,640 --> 00:42:19,880 Look, you got nothing to worry about. 607 00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:23,240 You'll show up and sweep her off her German feet. 608 00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:26,480 Thanks. 609 00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:35,560 Yeah. 610 00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:37,680 I will, won't I? 611 00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:41,200 I'm so sad and lonely. 612 00:42:41,240 --> 00:42:42,720 I'm so sad and lonely. 613 00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:45,040 I just wish someone would show up 614 00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:47,680 and sweep me off my German feet. 615 00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:50,320 Mieke! I'm here. 616 00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:51,960 Scotty! 617 00:42:52,080 --> 00:42:53,960 About that last email. I'm so sorry... 618 00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:57,040 The past is the past. You're here now. 619 00:42:57,080 --> 00:43:00,680 I've been saving myself for you. 620 00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:04,160 Let us make love for one whole month. 621 00:43:07,080 --> 00:43:10,360 Touch me, Scotty. 622 00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:13,880 OK. 623 00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:34,080 Oh, Scott... 624 00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:36,840 - Mi bello. 625 00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:38,560 Mi bello. 626 00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:40,960 Mi bello. 627 00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:44,800 Mi bello. 628 00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:46,800 Mi bello. 629 00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:54,080 Mi scusi. 630 00:43:57,720 --> 00:44:00,560 Mi scusi! 631 00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:03,640 " Hot stuff baby this evening " 632 00:44:03,720 --> 00:44:05,640 " Gotta have some hot stuff " 633 00:44:05,720 --> 00:44:08,520 " Gotta have some love tonight " 634 00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:10,760 " Hot stuff " 635 00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:28,800 Guys, our train doesn't leave till morning. 636 00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:31,760 - Where will we sleep? - What do you mean, sleep? 637 00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:33,880 We can sleep on the train tomorrow. 638 00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:37,080 This is the best that could've happened. We're in Amsterdam! 639 00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:40,120 This is the drug and sex capital of Europe! 640 00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:41,320 Take a look at this. 641 00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:46,680 "Club Vandersexxx." 642 00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:49,600 "The red light district's hottest sex club." 643 00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:52,240 We have to check it out. Who's with me? 644 00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:53,680 I'll go. 645 00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:56,520 Fine. Since no one else is willing to go, 646 00:44:56,560 --> 00:44:58,200 I'll just go myself. 647 00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:15,280 " I see " 648 00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:17,640 " You're waiting for me " 649 00:45:17,720 --> 00:45:22,320 This is definitely where I parked my car. 650 00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:26,240 Hello there. 651 00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:30,000 Welcome to Club Vandersexxx... 652 00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:32,920 Amsterdam's most erotic club, 653 00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:36,160 where your every fantasy will be fulfilled. 654 00:45:36,240 --> 00:45:38,920 Also says I get a free T-shirt with flyer. 655 00:45:41,720 --> 00:45:43,280 He's American. 656 00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:48,240 How sad for you to grow up in a country founded by prudes. 657 00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:52,680 A country overrun with crime and illiteracy. 658 00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:55,320 A country where a man is forced to make sex 659 00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:57,240 to only one woman at a time, 660 00:45:57,320 --> 00:46:00,160 and one must learn the woman's name beforehand. 661 00:46:00,240 --> 00:46:03,480 - It was horrible. - I know. 662 00:46:03,600 --> 00:46:05,560 But you can come with me... 663 00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:08,560 and let the Vandersexxx begin. 664 00:46:12,680 --> 00:46:16,440 " Marijuana in my soul " 665 00:46:16,520 --> 00:46:18,360 " Your iguana in my hall " 666 00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:20,640 I can't believe we're doing this. 667 00:46:20,680 --> 00:46:24,600 Don't worry. Hash brownies are totally legal here. 668 00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:28,440 You're gonna enjoy these, man. These are magical. 669 00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:31,920 " I like to smoke marijuana " 670 00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:34,520 - You wanna do this? - Yeah. 671 00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:41,080 - Hi. - Hi. 672 00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:43,040 I need a new battery for my camera, 673 00:46:43,080 --> 00:46:45,480 and while you're at it, it could use a cleaning. 674 00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:47,040 Wow. 675 00:46:48,240 --> 00:46:50,000 Is that a Leica M6? 676 00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:51,400 Actually, it's an M7. 677 00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:53,640 It's got the built-in light meter. 678 00:46:54,320 --> 00:46:55,760 It's so beautiful. 679 00:46:56,600 --> 00:46:59,120 So sleek, so powerful. 680 00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:01,120 How's the new lens system? 681 00:47:01,200 --> 00:47:04,960 Makes the Nikon look like a disposable. 682 00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:07,440 You really know your cameras. 683 00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:10,280 And you're very cute. 684 00:47:10,400 --> 00:47:12,680 Me? Really? 685 00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:14,880 I'm going on break. 686 00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:17,720 I was going to step out back and have a cigarette. 687 00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:19,360 Would you like to join me? 688 00:47:19,440 --> 00:47:21,960 I don't smoke. 689 00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:31,080 Neither do I. 690 00:47:31,120 --> 00:47:32,600 Hold on, hold on. 691 00:47:32,680 --> 00:47:34,240 What is it? 692 00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:35,760 This is great! 693 00:47:35,840 --> 00:47:37,840 You're so innocent. 694 00:47:39,400 --> 00:47:41,680 Let's change that... shall we? 695 00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:45,880 What would you like me to do? 696 00:47:45,960 --> 00:47:48,240 Well... I don't really know... 697 00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:50,400 I guess I really haven't done that much. 698 00:47:50,480 --> 00:47:53,920 I haven't really found the time, with all my extracurriculars, 699 00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:57,720 and model U.N., advanced placement classes, after-school tutor... 700 00:47:57,880 --> 00:48:00,360 ...ing! Ah! 701 00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:03,920 Gosh, you really like cameras! 702 00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:07,720 Sometimes, we find our clients are so overwhelmed with the pleasure, 703 00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:10,440 that they sometimes scream out,"no," 704 00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:13,240 when really they mean,"yes." 705 00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:16,560 And this is why we have the safe word. 706 00:48:16,640 --> 00:48:19,160 The "safe word"? 707 00:48:19,240 --> 00:48:22,320 If at any time the ecstasy gets too great, 708 00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:24,560 you just use the safe word. 709 00:48:25,720 --> 00:48:29,000 Until we hear the safe word, we will not stop. 710 00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:31,440 Yeah, right. Stop. All right. 711 00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:34,480 We're going to start slowly, 712 00:48:34,560 --> 00:48:38,880 teasing you with a little light erotic foreplay. 713 00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:41,480 Whee! 714 00:48:41,560 --> 00:48:43,960 Oh, yes, ladies! 715 00:48:44,040 --> 00:48:46,480 On, on, vandersexxx! 716 00:48:53,320 --> 00:48:55,320 Hans! Gruber! 717 00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:00,200 Hi. 718 00:49:10,680 --> 00:49:13,800 So, are the girls coming back? 719 00:49:13,920 --> 00:49:16,520 Administer the testicle clamps! 720 00:49:16,640 --> 00:49:18,360 - Huh? What? Hey! 721 00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:26,400 Safe word! 722 00:49:33,480 --> 00:49:36,200 What is that?! That's not a word, it's a... 723 00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:38,920 "Fluggen-kliggin-kien?" 724 00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:43,320 Fluggen!!! 725 00:49:48,760 --> 00:49:50,680 - OK, mister, don't move. - Excuse me? 726 00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:52,560 Shut the hell up! 727 00:49:52,600 --> 00:49:54,480 Oh, brother! Please don't hurt me. 728 00:49:54,480 --> 00:49:57,280 Oh, no... you're fine. That's good. You're fine. 729 00:49:57,360 --> 00:49:59,440 Give me cash? You got cash? 730 00:49:59,520 --> 00:50:01,560 Take it all, you dirty girl. 731 00:50:01,640 --> 00:50:02,920 What? 732 00:50:02,960 --> 00:50:05,280 Your wallet! Focus! 733 00:50:06,320 --> 00:50:08,520 - Give it to me. - Oh! 734 00:50:08,560 --> 00:50:10,360 Oh, I love you! 735 00:50:10,400 --> 00:50:12,800 I love you! 736 00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:17,400 I love you! I looove you! 737 00:50:28,840 --> 00:50:30,800 What's so funny? 738 00:50:38,720 --> 00:50:41,840 I'm really hungry. I think I've got the munchies. 739 00:50:41,920 --> 00:50:44,520 - Excuse me. - Huh? 740 00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:48,080 It's hot in here. You hot? 'Cause I'm really hot. 741 00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:50,400 - So good. - OK, I can't breathe! God! 742 00:50:50,480 --> 00:50:53,960 I'm freaking out! I think we got a bad batch 'cause I'm freaking out. 743 00:50:54,080 --> 00:50:56,040 I can't... I can't do this. 744 00:50:56,160 --> 00:50:59,560 I saw a gay porno once. I didn't know until halfway in. 745 00:50:59,640 --> 00:51:03,640 The girls never came. The girls never came! 746 00:51:03,720 --> 00:51:06,440 I am freaking out!! 747 00:51:06,520 --> 00:51:10,080 - Everything all right with you? - No, nothing's all right. 748 00:51:10,160 --> 00:51:12,200 You sold us a bad batch of hash brownies. 749 00:51:12,240 --> 00:51:14,120 You're a bad Rastafarian. 750 00:51:14,160 --> 00:51:16,680 These are not hash brownies. 751 00:51:16,760 --> 00:51:18,000 Hmm? 752 00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:22,800 - What was that? - We do not sell hash brownies. 753 00:51:22,880 --> 00:51:24,920 We're a simple Dutch bakery! 754 00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:31,320 Now put your clothes back on, white boy! 755 00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:35,200 Ow! Ow! Ow! 756 00:51:35,240 --> 00:51:36,920 "Fluggengegeholen!" 757 00:51:38,440 --> 00:51:40,920 Did you say fluggegecheimen? 758 00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:41,960 Yes! Yes! 759 00:51:42,040 --> 00:51:44,600 For the love of god, fluggengecheimen! 760 00:51:44,680 --> 00:51:46,240 Are you sure? 761 00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:47,520 Yes, please. 762 00:51:47,560 --> 00:51:49,560 As you wish. 763 00:51:50,920 --> 00:51:53,000 Bring on the fluggegecheimen! 764 00:51:55,960 --> 00:51:58,120 Wait... what? 765 00:51:58,200 --> 00:52:00,080 Uh-oh. 766 00:52:00,160 --> 00:52:03,280 No, no, no! I didn't say fluggegecheimen, 767 00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:04,440 I said, uh... 768 00:52:23,640 --> 00:52:25,280 What'd you do last night? 769 00:52:27,400 --> 00:52:29,400 I don't want to talk about it. 770 00:52:29,520 --> 00:52:30,840 What did you guys do? 771 00:52:30,880 --> 00:52:32,840 Don't want to talk about it. 772 00:52:35,160 --> 00:52:38,720 - What is that? - Free T-shirt. 773 00:52:43,040 --> 00:52:44,640 Hey, guys. 774 00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:47,400 What happened to you? 775 00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:49,040 I got robbed. 776 00:52:49,120 --> 00:52:51,200 It was awesome! 777 00:52:52,720 --> 00:52:57,080 Our money, passports, tickets... Everything, gone! 778 00:52:58,320 --> 00:53:00,080 How the hell could this happen? 779 00:53:00,160 --> 00:53:03,120 We all go to Amsterdam, and Jamie's the one who hooks up! 780 00:53:04,440 --> 00:53:06,240 For shame! 781 00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:16,840 Oh, that's me. 782 00:53:19,840 --> 00:53:21,480 Coop here. Sorry. 783 00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:24,280 Hello, Mr. Walters. 784 00:53:25,880 --> 00:53:27,800 You never got the Gutterman file? 785 00:53:27,880 --> 00:53:29,720 I told Humphrey to give it to you. 786 00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:33,760 That's hogwash. I handed it to him myself yesterday. 787 00:53:33,880 --> 00:53:36,840 I'll tell Humphrey to report to your office immediately. 788 00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:38,840 Bye. 789 00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:43,080 - This job's killing me. 790 00:53:53,320 --> 00:53:55,680 - Uh... - Let me handle this. 791 00:53:55,720 --> 00:53:58,000 I speak bad German. 792 00:54:20,360 --> 00:54:23,040 - What did he say? - He said he's driving. 793 00:54:23,080 --> 00:54:24,240 - Oh. - Something. 794 00:54:24,320 --> 00:54:26,040 Jah. 795 00:54:29,520 --> 00:54:30,640 Berlin? 796 00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:41,800 - Berlin? - Berlin! 797 00:54:46,920 --> 00:54:49,080 - He's going to Berlin! - Awesome! 798 00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:54,280 - All right! Berlin! - Come on, let's go! 799 00:55:02,360 --> 00:55:04,480 Next stop, Berlin! 800 00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:28,840 Beautiful! We made it to Berlin. 801 00:55:28,880 --> 00:55:30,920 Jah. Berlin! 802 00:55:35,640 --> 00:55:37,320 - Bratislava? - Yeah. 803 00:55:37,360 --> 00:55:39,280 Bratislava! 804 00:55:44,880 --> 00:55:47,680 Dear sweet mother of God. 805 00:55:47,760 --> 00:55:49,800 We're in Eastern Europe. 806 00:55:52,240 --> 00:55:53,320 Eww! 807 00:56:15,120 --> 00:56:16,920 Excuse me. 808 00:56:17,880 --> 00:56:19,600 Do you speak any English? 809 00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:22,480 You are Americans? 810 00:56:22,520 --> 00:56:23,840 Yeah. 811 00:56:23,880 --> 00:56:25,760 I love America. 812 00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:30,040 We just get "Miami Vice" on television. 813 00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:33,080 "Miami Vice" is number one new show. 814 00:56:33,160 --> 00:56:34,480 Yeah. 815 00:56:34,520 --> 00:56:37,640 Listen, we're trying to get to Berlin, Germany. 816 00:56:37,720 --> 00:56:40,320 Do you know if there's a train coming anytime soon? 817 00:56:40,400 --> 00:56:43,680 Oh, yes, very soon. They are building it now. 818 00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:49,760 Stop! Hammer time! 819 00:56:49,880 --> 00:56:52,000 Enjoy Bratislava! 820 00:56:52,080 --> 00:56:54,400 It's good you came in summer. 821 00:56:54,480 --> 00:56:57,800 In winter, it can get very depressing. 822 00:56:58,400 --> 00:57:01,720 We gotta figure something out. How much money do we have? 823 00:57:07,000 --> 00:57:08,480 Frommer's travel tip. 824 00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:11,600 I don't have anything. 825 00:57:11,680 --> 00:57:13,760 What? I got noth... fine. 826 00:57:20,240 --> 00:57:22,680 $1.83 American. 827 00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:24,520 What are we gonna get with that? 828 00:57:30,120 --> 00:57:33,440 Gotta love that exchange rate! 829 00:57:34,520 --> 00:57:36,000 Ta. 830 00:57:39,880 --> 00:57:42,480 Hapi Djus. 831 00:57:42,560 --> 00:57:44,320 Teraz bez drenei. 832 00:57:44,400 --> 00:57:47,320 Hmm. Now with less pulp. 833 00:57:48,440 --> 00:57:50,200 Dinner is served. 834 00:57:50,280 --> 00:57:52,640 Would the masters care for anything else? 835 00:57:52,760 --> 00:57:54,400 Think we're good. Thanks. 836 00:57:55,880 --> 00:57:58,360 Ah! A nickel! 837 00:58:00,400 --> 00:58:01,520 You see this? 838 00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:05,800 - I quit! 839 00:58:05,880 --> 00:58:08,480 I open my own hotel! 840 00:58:15,880 --> 00:58:18,240 So, we got 27 cents left. 841 00:58:18,320 --> 00:58:20,360 What is there to do in this town? 842 00:58:27,000 --> 00:58:29,800 - " My Scotty " - " Scotty, Scotty " 843 00:58:29,880 --> 00:58:33,320 " Scotty doesn't know " 844 00:58:33,360 --> 00:58:35,240 " Don't tell Scotty " 845 00:58:37,000 --> 00:58:39,080 - " Scotty doesn't know " 846 00:58:39,120 --> 00:58:41,120 This song sounds familiar. 847 00:58:43,640 --> 00:58:47,080 Jenny, lemme check your coat. 848 00:58:51,280 --> 00:58:53,200 - Hey! - Jenny! 849 00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:56,520 That outfit is horrible! Just take it off... now! 850 00:58:57,680 --> 00:59:01,120 No, but I will let you buy me a drink. 851 00:59:01,240 --> 00:59:02,440 Excuse me! 852 00:59:03,840 --> 00:59:06,880 You are the woman from the Paris train station, aren't you? 853 00:59:06,960 --> 00:59:08,640 - My name is... - Christoph. 854 00:59:08,680 --> 00:59:10,240 Yes. 855 00:59:10,320 --> 00:59:11,880 What are you doing here? 856 00:59:11,960 --> 00:59:15,160 This is my place. My family owns many nightclubs in Europe. 857 00:59:15,240 --> 00:59:18,280 I'd be honored if you'd join me in my V.I.P.Room for a drink. 858 00:59:18,320 --> 00:59:20,080 Mmm-kay. 859 00:59:22,440 --> 00:59:23,640 Bye, Cooper. 860 00:59:30,480 --> 00:59:32,400 - What's that? - It's absinthe. 861 00:59:32,520 --> 00:59:34,680 Frommer's says it's illegal in the States 862 00:59:34,760 --> 00:59:37,240 because it makes you hallucinate and go crazy. 863 00:59:37,320 --> 00:59:39,440 They call it "the green fairy." 864 00:59:46,160 --> 00:59:48,720 My family has a yacht in the Aegean. 865 00:59:48,800 --> 00:59:52,000 Come with me, Jennifer. We will sail away together. 866 00:59:52,040 --> 00:59:53,920 Oh, my God! 867 00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:57,120 We will swim with dolphins, and sip champagne by moonlight. 868 00:59:57,200 --> 00:59:59,640 Oh, my God! 869 00:59:59,760 --> 01:00:02,600 We will spend the day sunbathing, drinking wine. 870 01:00:02,680 --> 01:00:04,960 My wife makes the best sangria. 871 01:00:05,040 --> 01:00:06,880 Wait... what? 872 01:00:06,960 --> 01:00:08,400 Sangria. 873 01:00:08,480 --> 01:00:10,120 You take a good Spanish Rioja, 874 01:00:10,200 --> 01:00:12,360 and you put in slices of orange, and... 875 01:00:12,440 --> 01:00:14,920 No, wait. You said you were married? 876 01:00:16,680 --> 01:00:19,640 You go around Europe sleeping with every woman you meet? 877 01:00:19,720 --> 01:00:22,000 No, please, Jennifer. It is not like that. 878 01:00:22,040 --> 01:00:23,880 I also sleep with men. 879 01:00:27,800 --> 01:00:30,320 I gotta say, I'm not feeling anything. 880 01:00:30,400 --> 01:00:31,760 Me neither. 881 01:00:31,840 --> 01:00:33,480 Sober as a judge. 882 01:00:35,160 --> 01:00:36,160 How 'bout you? 883 01:00:36,280 --> 01:00:38,160 I'm not feeling a goddamn thing. 884 01:00:38,240 --> 01:00:40,720 This absinthe is bullshit! 885 01:00:40,800 --> 01:00:42,360 I hear you, my brother. 886 01:00:42,440 --> 01:00:44,200 I'm outta here. 887 01:00:44,280 --> 01:00:45,720 Excuse me. 888 01:00:45,800 --> 01:00:48,880 - Hey, so where's Christoph? - Shut up. 889 01:01:09,760 --> 01:01:11,720 - Europe! - Europe! 890 01:01:11,760 --> 01:01:15,200 - Whoo! - Europe! 891 01:01:28,760 --> 01:01:30,120 So, tomorrow, Berlin. 892 01:01:30,200 --> 01:01:32,000 Tomorrow, Mieke! 893 01:01:38,640 --> 01:01:39,600 Check it out. 894 01:01:39,720 --> 01:01:41,960 No way! 895 01:01:42,040 --> 01:01:45,000 Jamie's hooking up with another girl? Goddamn it! 896 01:01:45,080 --> 01:01:48,040 It's just so unfair. I've been all over, 897 01:01:48,120 --> 01:01:51,520 looking for crazy European sex, and he's the one who ends up... 898 01:01:51,600 --> 01:01:53,560 - Oh, my God! 899 01:01:56,720 --> 01:02:00,360 That is some pretty fucked-up shit. 900 01:02:03,480 --> 01:02:06,640 Can you say, "What the fuck did I do last night?" 901 01:02:19,640 --> 01:02:23,520 They really are the worst twins ever. 902 01:02:49,440 --> 01:02:51,600 That was a pretty wild night, eh? 903 01:02:52,640 --> 01:02:55,320 Yep. Pretty wild, pretty wild. 904 01:02:57,800 --> 01:02:59,680 I know I was out of control. 905 01:02:59,760 --> 01:03:01,280 How about you guys? Did you...? 906 01:03:01,360 --> 01:03:04,000 All right, look. We were really drunk, 907 01:03:04,080 --> 01:03:06,400 things got a little crazy, and Jamie... 908 01:03:06,480 --> 01:03:08,400 kissed me. 909 01:03:09,320 --> 01:03:11,080 Let's just forget about it, 'kay? 910 01:03:11,240 --> 01:03:13,520 - Consider it forgotten. - Never happened. 911 01:03:13,600 --> 01:03:15,080 Never happened. 912 01:03:15,200 --> 01:03:18,160 Fine. Let's just forget about it. 913 01:03:18,240 --> 01:03:19,880 It's not like you two had sex. 914 01:03:21,520 --> 01:03:23,520 - Have you had sex? - Shut up, Cooper! 915 01:03:23,600 --> 01:03:26,280 Jamie, relax. Cooper. Please? 916 01:03:26,360 --> 01:03:28,560 OK, fine. I'll give it a rest. 917 01:03:30,880 --> 01:03:34,120 Jamie, could I borrow your Frommer's? 918 01:03:38,040 --> 01:03:39,760 Oh, here it is. Bratislava. 919 01:03:39,880 --> 01:03:42,040 Hmm. Capital of Slovakia. 920 01:03:42,120 --> 01:03:44,200 Oh, here's a fun fact. 921 01:03:45,480 --> 01:03:47,400 You made out with your sister, man! 922 01:03:47,520 --> 01:03:50,360 - Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! - Like two dogs in heat. 923 01:03:53,640 --> 01:03:56,400 My friends, where is the beef? 924 01:03:58,520 --> 01:04:01,120 You go to Berlin? I'm your ride. 925 01:04:01,160 --> 01:04:02,560 Hop in. 926 01:04:05,360 --> 01:04:09,520 " "99 Red Balloons" 927 01:04:28,200 --> 01:04:30,880 This is Mieke's apartment building. 928 01:04:30,920 --> 01:04:33,200 Wish me all sorts of luck, guys. 929 01:04:34,640 --> 01:04:36,080 You'll do great, Scotty. 930 01:04:38,360 --> 01:04:39,800 Thanks. 931 01:04:59,040 --> 01:05:02,520 I came all this way. I'm not gonna miss this. 932 01:05:08,240 --> 01:05:10,920 - Dude, Mieke's hideous! Run! - Stop. 933 01:05:22,520 --> 01:05:24,160 Hi, my name is Scott Thomas. 934 01:05:24,280 --> 01:05:26,480 I'm from America, and I'm here to see Mieke. 935 01:05:26,560 --> 01:05:28,800 I'm sorry, but Mieke's not here. 936 01:05:28,840 --> 01:05:30,240 Do you know where she is? 937 01:05:30,360 --> 01:05:32,240 She's gone for the summer. 938 01:05:45,320 --> 01:05:48,880 My daughter had intended to spend the summer in America, 939 01:05:48,960 --> 01:05:51,480 looking at colleges and visiting some friends. 940 01:05:51,560 --> 01:05:54,280 But several days ago, she suddenly changed her mind. 941 01:05:54,400 --> 01:05:56,200 She would not tell me why. 942 01:05:56,240 --> 01:05:59,160 I think I know why. 943 01:06:04,160 --> 01:06:07,560 This is Heinrich. He's Mieke's stepbrother. 944 01:06:07,560 --> 01:06:10,520 As I was saying, she packed up her bag and left. 945 01:06:10,600 --> 01:06:13,160 - It was all very sudden. - Do you know where she is now? 946 01:06:13,200 --> 01:06:16,440 She's always been very interested in the classics, 947 01:06:16,520 --> 01:06:20,400 Greek and Roman literature, history, and she's always enjoyed the ocean, 948 01:06:20,480 --> 01:06:23,480 so she found a program that combines all her interests. 949 01:06:23,520 --> 01:06:25,120 Do you know where she is? 950 01:06:25,240 --> 01:06:29,520 She enrolled in a summer at sea program, based in Rome. 951 01:06:29,600 --> 01:06:32,120 Rome. 952 01:06:32,200 --> 01:06:34,760 OK, then I guess we'll go to Rome, then. 953 01:06:34,800 --> 01:06:37,600 Unfortunately, Mieke's only in Rome for orientation. 954 01:06:37,680 --> 01:06:41,120 Tomorrow her group boards a boat and she'll be gone for the summer. 955 01:06:41,200 --> 01:06:43,840 She'll be quite unreachable. 956 01:06:44,680 --> 01:06:46,120 Unreachable. 957 01:06:52,280 --> 01:06:55,400 Mieke's tour group goes to the Vatican tomorrow, 958 01:06:55,480 --> 01:06:57,520 then she gets on that boat and she's gone. 959 01:06:57,640 --> 01:06:59,080 So, it's over? 960 01:07:01,360 --> 01:07:05,080 Thanks for sticking with me through this, guys, but... 961 01:07:05,120 --> 01:07:07,360 you should probably call your parents, 962 01:07:07,440 --> 01:07:10,320 have them wire you some money and go home. 963 01:07:10,440 --> 01:07:12,080 What are you gonna do? 964 01:07:13,200 --> 01:07:14,600 I'm going to Rome. 965 01:07:15,840 --> 01:07:17,800 I'll walk, I'll hitchhike, 966 01:07:17,880 --> 01:07:20,720 I'll swim if I have to, but I'll get to Mieke somehow. 967 01:07:25,320 --> 01:07:26,800 Maybe that'll help. 968 01:07:26,880 --> 01:07:28,240 Where'd you get all that? 969 01:07:28,320 --> 01:07:31,040 Wait. Where's your Leica? 970 01:07:31,160 --> 01:07:32,880 Sold it. 971 01:07:32,960 --> 01:07:34,480 What? 972 01:07:36,000 --> 01:07:38,680 You sold your Leica? But you loved that thing. 973 01:07:38,760 --> 01:07:41,240 What about your Europe photo tour, the chateaus? 974 01:07:41,320 --> 01:07:43,880 Chateaus have been there for 300 years. 975 01:07:43,960 --> 01:07:45,640 Mieke's gone in 12 hours. 976 01:07:48,760 --> 01:07:52,760 Let's go! Frommer's says check in three hours before international flights. 977 01:07:52,840 --> 01:07:54,840 Come here, guidebook! 978 01:07:54,920 --> 01:07:57,680 Whoo! We're going to Rome. We're going to Rome! 979 01:08:07,800 --> 01:08:09,320 " Be my girl " 980 01:08:10,000 --> 01:08:12,400 " Be my girl " 981 01:08:12,480 --> 01:08:14,000 " Are you gonna be my " 982 01:08:14,080 --> 01:08:16,760 " Girl, yeah " 983 01:08:16,840 --> 01:08:18,600 " Be my girl " 984 01:08:18,680 --> 01:08:21,080 " Be my girl " 985 01:08:21,160 --> 01:08:24,120 " Are you gonna be my girl " 986 01:08:28,680 --> 01:08:30,480 All right, summer at sea group. 987 01:08:30,560 --> 01:08:32,560 Our tour begins in the Vatican museum. 988 01:08:32,640 --> 01:08:34,560 This way, please. 989 01:08:41,680 --> 01:08:44,040 There it is. 990 01:08:49,320 --> 01:08:52,640 This entrance is for private tour groups only. 991 01:08:54,400 --> 01:08:57,000 Oh... but we are a private tour group. 992 01:08:57,080 --> 01:08:59,040 We've come all the way from America. 993 01:09:01,760 --> 01:09:04,480 That guy in the orange jacket is mentally retarded. 994 01:09:08,720 --> 01:09:13,600 Si, I can tell. How very, very sad. 995 01:09:13,680 --> 01:09:15,600 Yes, it is. 996 01:09:15,680 --> 01:09:17,880 But if you are a tour, where is your guide? 997 01:09:17,960 --> 01:09:19,920 We've got a fantastic tour guide. 998 01:09:20,000 --> 01:09:22,680 - Right here. - What? No... 999 01:09:25,280 --> 01:09:28,520 The Vatican has been used as a papal residence 1000 01:09:28,600 --> 01:09:30,800 ever since the time of Constantine the Great 1001 01:09:30,880 --> 01:09:32,440 of the 5th century A.D.! 1002 01:09:34,280 --> 01:09:36,160 - Oh. 1003 01:09:36,200 --> 01:09:39,880 OK... um... if you'll all follow me, please. 1004 01:09:43,520 --> 01:09:46,000 Have a very special day 1005 01:09:46,080 --> 01:09:50,360 for a very special little man. 1006 01:09:50,440 --> 01:09:51,960 OK. 1007 01:09:53,720 --> 01:09:56,280 I can't believe that guy let us in. 1008 01:09:56,360 --> 01:09:58,040 What a retard! 1009 01:09:58,120 --> 01:09:59,680 - Let's find Mieke. - Scusate. 1010 01:10:01,160 --> 01:10:04,120 One of our English-speaking tour guides has called in sick. 1011 01:10:04,160 --> 01:10:07,120 Could you please take these peoples also? 1012 01:10:09,000 --> 01:10:12,800 - How big is Vatican City? -. 5 square kilometers. 1013 01:10:12,880 --> 01:10:16,640 - Who built the colonnades? - Gianlorenzo Bernini, 1656. 1014 01:10:16,720 --> 01:10:19,000 - Where are the bathrooms? - Floors 2,6 and 7. 1015 01:10:19,080 --> 01:10:22,720 Next I'll take you to where the College of Cardinals elects a new pope. 1016 01:10:22,800 --> 01:10:25,840 When this happens, white smoke is sent up from the Vatican. 1017 01:10:25,920 --> 01:10:29,040 - Here's a fun fact... - Mieke must be around here somewhere. 1018 01:10:29,080 --> 01:10:30,040 Let's go. 1019 01:10:38,640 --> 01:10:41,240 Behind me is the appartamento papale, 1020 01:10:41,360 --> 01:10:44,640 or "papal apartment." We're obviously not permitted. 1021 01:10:45,640 --> 01:10:48,480 Excuse me, miss. What is this? 1022 01:10:48,560 --> 01:10:50,160 That is the bell of San Marco. 1023 01:10:50,240 --> 01:10:52,520 When the pope dies, the Cardinal Vicar of Rome 1024 01:10:52,600 --> 01:10:54,920 rings this bell to notify the people of Rome. 1025 01:10:55,000 --> 01:10:58,560 Next we will view the Sistine Chapel. Follow me, please. 1026 01:11:00,040 --> 01:11:03,560 Come on. I think I hear them. 1027 01:11:03,600 --> 01:11:05,040 Which way did they go? 1028 01:11:05,120 --> 01:11:07,280 That way. I'd stake my reputation on it. 1029 01:11:07,320 --> 01:11:09,080 Good enough for me. 1030 01:11:09,160 --> 01:11:12,440 Hey, check it out! I wonder what this does. 1031 01:11:12,560 --> 01:11:16,360 It doesn't do anything, it's a rope. Come on, let's go. 1032 01:11:16,480 --> 01:11:18,400 They got a lot of old stuff here. 1033 01:11:25,680 --> 01:11:26,960 Dio mio! 1034 01:11:27,640 --> 01:11:29,800 The bell of San Marco! 1035 01:11:31,520 --> 01:11:33,360 The pope is dead! 1036 01:11:37,200 --> 01:11:38,280 Whoa. 1037 01:11:40,800 --> 01:11:42,520 She's not in here. 1038 01:11:42,600 --> 01:11:45,400 Let's go. We're definitely not supposed to be in here. 1039 01:11:45,480 --> 01:11:47,560 Hey, check this out! 1040 01:11:47,680 --> 01:11:49,880 - I'm the pope! - Cooper... 1041 01:11:49,960 --> 01:11:52,360 take off the pope hat. 1042 01:11:52,480 --> 01:11:56,560 - Oh, no. It's OK.I'm catholic. - Take it off, goddamnit! 1043 01:11:56,640 --> 01:11:59,440 Oh, you took the Lord's name in vain! 1044 01:11:59,520 --> 01:12:01,680 Only I can forgive you now, my son. 1045 01:12:01,760 --> 01:12:03,360 Take that fudging thing off! 1046 01:12:03,440 --> 01:12:05,400 The pope breaks an open-field tackle. 1047 01:12:05,480 --> 01:12:07,960 It's a Hail Mary, he catches at the 40... 1048 01:12:08,040 --> 01:12:10,160 the 30, the 20, the 10... 1049 01:12:10,240 --> 01:12:12,480 touchdown, Pope! 1050 01:12:13,560 --> 01:12:16,280 The pope makes a two-point conversion. 1051 01:12:16,360 --> 01:12:18,760 And oh, my Lord! It's the Pope, eight, 1052 01:12:18,840 --> 01:12:21,160 and the heathens, nothing! 1053 01:12:22,720 --> 01:12:25,160 How's you, sucka? 1054 01:12:27,440 --> 01:12:29,280 Cooper, the hat! The hat! 1055 01:12:29,360 --> 01:12:30,680 The hat is on fire! 1056 01:12:30,760 --> 01:12:32,760 " We don't need no water let the m... " 1057 01:12:32,840 --> 01:12:34,520 I'm not kidding! Look! 1058 01:12:35,160 --> 01:12:36,520 Oh, holy shit! 1059 01:12:37,680 --> 01:12:38,880 I don't want this! 1060 01:12:38,960 --> 01:12:41,000 Fireplace! Fireplace! Go, go! 1061 01:12:42,600 --> 01:12:44,440 Whoa! 1062 01:12:51,240 --> 01:12:53,360 White smoke! 1063 01:12:53,440 --> 01:12:56,520 They've elected the new pope! 1064 01:12:59,000 --> 01:13:01,040 I'm coming to you live from Vatican Square 1065 01:13:01,120 --> 01:13:03,560 where the College of Cardinals, in a surprise move, 1066 01:13:03,640 --> 01:13:08,080 has just elected a new pope. The crowd is very excited. 1067 01:13:08,120 --> 01:13:09,960 This is so strange. 1068 01:13:10,000 --> 01:13:13,560 Usually they wait 15 days to elect a new pope. 1069 01:13:13,640 --> 01:13:15,720 We could be seeing history in the making! 1070 01:13:15,800 --> 01:13:18,200 We could be seeing an arrest in the making. 1071 01:13:25,840 --> 01:13:28,120 There she is. Mieke! 1072 01:13:30,600 --> 01:13:32,320 Hey! Stupid curtain! 1073 01:13:33,440 --> 01:13:35,240 Let me out! 1074 01:13:38,160 --> 01:13:40,080 Mieke! 1075 01:13:40,160 --> 01:13:42,200 It's the new pope! 1076 01:14:07,280 --> 01:14:10,080 What the hell...? 1077 01:14:14,600 --> 01:14:16,120 Mieke! 1078 01:14:18,840 --> 01:14:20,200 Hold on! 1079 01:14:25,840 --> 01:14:28,120 This is one crazy pope. 1080 01:14:36,440 --> 01:14:38,200 You! 1081 01:14:38,280 --> 01:14:41,200 Ferma! Stop! You! 1082 01:14:42,560 --> 01:14:46,840 You... and your retarded friend, 1083 01:14:46,920 --> 01:14:48,560 you're in big, big trouble. 1084 01:14:48,640 --> 01:14:49,680 Oy! 1085 01:14:52,520 --> 01:14:54,880 Take your mitts off them boys! 1086 01:14:54,960 --> 01:14:57,040 They're with me! 1087 01:14:58,680 --> 01:15:01,880 I've just about had enough of you fuckin' ities! 1088 01:15:01,960 --> 01:15:04,080 But I am Swiss! 1089 01:15:05,440 --> 01:15:07,000 Them, too! 1090 01:15:12,640 --> 01:15:13,720 Now, bud... 1091 01:15:13,800 --> 01:15:16,600 you get in there, and you say what you got to say. 1092 01:15:18,040 --> 01:15:20,200 Mieke. I'm here. 1093 01:15:20,240 --> 01:15:21,600 I made it. 1094 01:15:24,680 --> 01:15:26,440 Who are you? 1095 01:15:30,400 --> 01:15:33,680 What a fucking loser! I'm gonna videotape this. 1096 01:15:35,040 --> 01:15:37,200 I'm Scott. 1097 01:15:37,240 --> 01:15:38,680 From Ohio? 1098 01:15:38,760 --> 01:15:42,200 Scott? Scott Thomas? 1099 01:15:42,280 --> 01:15:45,720 - Yes. - From Ohio? 1100 01:15:45,800 --> 01:15:48,680 - What are you doing in Rome? - I came here to be with you. 1101 01:15:48,760 --> 01:15:51,320 Listen, I just traveled all the way across Europe. 1102 01:15:51,400 --> 01:15:53,720 I got chased by naked men. 1103 01:15:53,800 --> 01:15:57,200 I ate brownies with absolutely no drugs in them. 1104 01:15:57,680 --> 01:16:01,120 I watched a brother and sister make out. 1105 01:16:01,240 --> 01:16:05,120 I kicked a robot in the balls, but I did it all so that... 1106 01:16:05,200 --> 01:16:07,240 so I could tell you one thing. 1107 01:16:09,920 --> 01:16:11,760 I love you, Mieke. 1108 01:16:11,840 --> 01:16:14,240 Aww... 1109 01:16:14,280 --> 01:16:16,920 We're perfect for each other. What do you think? 1110 01:16:17,000 --> 01:16:19,800 I think... 1111 01:16:34,880 --> 01:16:37,600 Oh, Mike... Mieke! 1112 01:16:49,920 --> 01:16:52,400 Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. 1113 01:16:52,480 --> 01:16:53,920 I have cheated on my husband. 1114 01:16:54,000 --> 01:16:56,640 Do you think God will ever forgive me? 1115 01:16:56,720 --> 01:16:58,520 Oh, yes! 1116 01:16:58,600 --> 01:17:01,040 - Father? 1117 01:17:10,760 --> 01:17:12,520 This sucks. 1118 01:17:12,520 --> 01:17:16,120 I can't believe I'm the only one who didn't hook up while we were here. 1119 01:17:16,200 --> 01:17:18,920 Europe is officially the worst country on Earth. 1120 01:17:19,000 --> 01:17:20,400 I know. 1121 01:17:20,480 --> 01:17:23,880 I thought I'd at least get to have some crazy European sex. 1122 01:17:27,440 --> 01:17:28,640 What? 1123 01:17:37,240 --> 01:17:39,280 - Scott, I have to go. - OK. 1124 01:17:40,080 --> 01:17:42,600 My boat is leaving. 1125 01:17:42,680 --> 01:17:44,960 I still can't believe you came all the way here, 1126 01:17:45,040 --> 01:17:46,440 just for me. 1127 01:17:46,560 --> 01:17:49,800 What can I say? I'm very unpredictable. 1128 01:17:49,840 --> 01:17:52,440 Keep writing to me, Scott, OK? 1129 01:17:52,520 --> 01:17:53,960 Yeah, I will. 1130 01:18:02,840 --> 01:18:04,760 - Go. - Bye. 1131 01:18:11,920 --> 01:18:14,240 Yes! Yes! Yes! 1132 01:18:14,320 --> 01:18:17,160 Whoo-hoo! 1133 01:18:17,200 --> 01:18:20,520 Hey, guys, I'm so glad we got to take this trip together. 1134 01:18:20,600 --> 01:18:22,880 This was the best time of my life. 1135 01:18:26,480 --> 01:18:28,200 Excuse me. 1136 01:18:28,280 --> 01:18:31,600 You're the young man who gave me that tour of the Vatican, aren't you? 1137 01:18:33,880 --> 01:18:36,840 - Listen, I'm very sorry... - I just wanted to thank you. 1138 01:18:36,880 --> 01:18:40,120 You were the most knowledgeable, albeit idiosyncratic, 1139 01:18:40,160 --> 01:18:41,960 tour guide I've ever had. 1140 01:18:42,080 --> 01:18:43,640 Thanks. 1141 01:18:43,760 --> 01:18:45,840 But I'm not actually a tour guide. 1142 01:18:45,960 --> 01:18:48,680 I've just read Frommer's enough to have it memorized. 1143 01:18:48,760 --> 01:18:51,480 Although I threw in a few things Frommer's didn't know about. 1144 01:18:51,560 --> 01:18:53,280 How would you like to add them? 1145 01:18:53,360 --> 01:18:54,680 Excuse me? 1146 01:18:54,760 --> 01:18:57,640 That's my guidebook. 1147 01:19:02,720 --> 01:19:04,320 I'm Arthur Frommer. 1148 01:19:06,000 --> 01:19:07,720 It's amazing! 1149 01:19:07,800 --> 01:19:11,920 Frommer's is going to pay me to see every museum and cathedral in Europe. 1150 01:19:12,000 --> 01:19:15,200 - That sounds so exciting... 1151 01:19:15,280 --> 01:19:18,000 for you. 1152 01:19:18,040 --> 01:19:20,240 I figured, since you're going to be staying, 1153 01:19:20,280 --> 01:19:22,600 you might need this. 1154 01:19:22,640 --> 01:19:25,320 - A disposable camera. - That's right. 1155 01:19:25,400 --> 01:19:26,520 Thanks, Scotty. 1156 01:19:26,600 --> 01:19:28,120 That's from both of us. 1157 01:19:36,000 --> 01:19:37,480 Hello, Mr. Walters. 1158 01:19:37,560 --> 01:19:39,160 I see. 1159 01:19:39,240 --> 01:19:41,720 Fired? Well, I... 1160 01:19:41,800 --> 01:19:45,560 Well, if that's what you want, I understand. I just... 1161 01:19:45,680 --> 01:19:48,280 goodbye, sir. 1162 01:19:48,400 --> 01:19:49,960 They had to catch you eventually, right? 1163 01:19:50,080 --> 01:19:52,160 - No, they fired Humphrey. - Shut up! 1164 01:19:52,240 --> 01:19:53,560 I got his office and a raise. 1165 01:19:53,640 --> 01:19:55,040 - No! 1166 01:19:55,120 --> 01:19:58,560 Flight 341 from Rome to Cleveland... 1167 01:19:58,640 --> 01:19:59,800 That's you guys. 1168 01:19:59,880 --> 01:20:02,200 - Have a good flight, everybody. - Come here. 1169 01:20:04,880 --> 01:20:06,320 Be good. 1170 01:20:06,400 --> 01:20:09,680 - Oh! OK... 1171 01:20:09,720 --> 01:20:12,360 - Cooper, have a good flight. - Be good. 1172 01:20:12,440 --> 01:20:13,480 Thanks. 1173 01:20:45,600 --> 01:20:47,000 I'm on it. 1174 01:20:55,680 --> 01:20:58,080 This still counts as Europe, right? 1175 01:21:07,000 --> 01:21:08,520 "Dear Mieke, 1176 01:21:08,560 --> 01:21:11,280 "Greece sounds incredible. 1177 01:21:11,360 --> 01:21:13,200 "I just moved into my dorm room today, 1178 01:21:13,240 --> 01:21:15,880 "but I can't wait to see you over Christmas break. 1179 01:21:15,960 --> 01:21:18,640 "This time I think I'll fly to Berlin direct." 1180 01:21:25,200 --> 01:21:27,480 - Hello? - Hey, buddy, how's college? 1181 01:21:27,560 --> 01:21:30,360 I just got here. My roommate hasn't even showed up yet. 1182 01:21:30,440 --> 01:21:32,720 Do they room all you pre-med geeks together? 1183 01:21:32,800 --> 01:21:34,280 I'm not sure I'm going pre-med. 1184 01:21:34,360 --> 01:21:36,240 I'm thinking about majoring in German. 1185 01:21:36,320 --> 01:21:38,320 German? I've got a better idea. 1186 01:21:38,400 --> 01:21:40,680 Why don't you major in not being such a woman? 1187 01:21:40,760 --> 01:21:42,240 So, how's Jenny? 1188 01:21:42,280 --> 01:21:44,040 Jenny... Jenny who? 1189 01:21:44,120 --> 01:21:46,760 I know a lot of ladies named Jenny, they're all... 1190 01:21:46,840 --> 01:21:48,080 Ow! 1191 01:21:49,720 --> 01:21:51,280 Hey, Scotty, what's up? 1192 01:21:51,360 --> 01:21:52,520 Hi, Jenny! 1193 01:21:52,600 --> 01:21:54,560 How's Jamie doing with Frommer? 1194 01:21:54,640 --> 01:21:55,800 Oh, no. 1195 01:21:59,920 --> 01:22:01,800 Hold on. 1196 01:22:01,880 --> 01:22:03,720 Come here, robot! 1197 01:22:03,760 --> 01:22:05,680 Cooper, not again! 1198 01:22:06,760 --> 01:22:09,440 Hold on, this could be my new roommate. 1199 01:22:14,840 --> 01:22:16,880 What's the freak look like? 1200 01:22:16,920 --> 01:22:20,240 Is he a dork or is he cool? Better not be cooler than me. 1201 01:22:20,320 --> 01:22:22,320 Is he bigger than me? 1202 01:22:22,400 --> 01:22:25,120 I just got your last email. What are you doing here? 1203 01:22:25,160 --> 01:22:27,200 Going to college. 1204 01:22:27,280 --> 01:22:29,560 You're going to college here? 1205 01:22:31,000 --> 01:22:32,760 - What dorm? - This one. 1206 01:22:32,840 --> 01:22:35,120 Room 214. 1207 01:22:38,240 --> 01:22:39,960 How is this possible? 1208 01:22:40,040 --> 01:22:43,160 I guess they thought I was a guy. 1209 01:22:43,240 --> 01:22:46,960 Now who would be dumb enough to make a mistake like that? 1210 01:22:55,280 --> 01:22:57,320 Do I hear kissing? 1211 01:22:57,440 --> 01:23:00,400 Are you making out with your new roommate, Scotty? 1212 01:23:03,280 --> 01:23:04,680 Scotty? 1213 01:23:04,720 --> 01:23:07,400 Scotty? Scotty! 1214 01:23:07,440 --> 01:23:10,000 " Scotty doesn't know that Fiona and me " 1215 01:23:10,080 --> 01:23:12,160 This happy ending is bullshit. 1216 01:23:12,200 --> 01:23:15,640 When does the fairy get laid? I'm outta here. 1217 01:23:15,720 --> 01:23:17,960 " Still she's on her knees And Scotty doesn't know " 1218 01:23:18,680 --> 01:23:22,480 " Oh, Scotty doesn't know " 1219 01:23:22,480 --> 01:23:24,800 - Catchy tune. - Fuckin'-a, man. 1220 01:23:28,920 --> 01:23:32,080 " Fiona says she's out shopping " 1221 01:23:33,600 --> 01:23:38,120 " But she's under me And I'm not stopping " 1222 01:23:38,200 --> 01:23:42,120 Scotty doesn't know! Scotty doesn't know! 1223 01:23:42,160 --> 01:23:43,280 Scotty doesn't know! 1224 01:23:43,360 --> 01:23:45,360 Hello, and welcome to 1225 01:23:45,440 --> 01:23:49,080 Amsterdam's finest and most luxurious youth hostel. 1226 01:23:49,160 --> 01:23:50,560 Sounds great. 1227 01:23:50,640 --> 01:23:52,840 There is no bathroom, nor is there one nearby. 1228 01:23:52,920 --> 01:23:56,360 " I can't believe He's so trusting " 1229 01:23:56,400 --> 01:23:59,600 Sorry. 1230 01:23:59,680 --> 01:24:02,880 " While I'm right behind you thrusting " 1231 01:24:02,960 --> 01:24:04,880 - Get it? - She got it. 1232 01:24:04,960 --> 01:24:08,200 If you do not wish to have your valuables stolen, 1233 01:24:08,240 --> 01:24:11,840 I suggest destroying them or discarding them right now. 1234 01:24:11,880 --> 01:24:15,320 You can also try hiding your valuables... 1235 01:24:15,400 --> 01:24:16,960 in your anus. 1236 01:24:17,040 --> 01:24:18,480 Drink? 1237 01:24:18,560 --> 01:24:20,560 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1238 01:24:20,640 --> 01:24:23,760 " Scotty doesn't know Don't tell Scotty " 1239 01:24:23,840 --> 01:24:26,280 I'm gonna rip away his pants and look at his dick, OK? 1240 01:24:26,360 --> 01:24:28,360 - Ready? Quit. Shut up. 1241 01:24:28,440 --> 01:24:30,920 Sorry. I know I fucked it up. 1242 01:24:31,000 --> 01:24:32,720 Yes! You take her hair... 1243 01:24:32,800 --> 01:24:36,520 and one strand at a time, pull it out! 1244 01:24:36,600 --> 01:24:39,160 Use her like a humping post! 1245 01:24:39,280 --> 01:24:41,160 Jenny, this is Europe. 1246 01:24:41,200 --> 01:24:43,520 They have orange juice ads with lesbians and dildos. 1247 01:24:45,040 --> 01:24:48,280 "Happy juice." 1248 01:24:48,360 --> 01:24:50,240 Show them something they haven't seen. 1249 01:24:51,760 --> 01:24:54,240 " Fiona's got him on the phone " 1250 01:24:54,320 --> 01:24:57,200 " And she's trying not to moan " 1251 01:24:57,280 --> 01:25:00,840 " It's a three-way call And he knows nothing " 1252 01:25:00,920 --> 01:25:02,800 " Nothing, Scotty doesn't know " 1253 01:25:02,840 --> 01:25:05,520 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1254 01:25:05,640 --> 01:25:08,960 Should a fire occur, due to our faulty wiring, 1255 01:25:09,080 --> 01:25:13,360 or the fireworks factory upstairs, you will be incinerated, 1256 01:25:13,480 --> 01:25:16,840 along with the valuables you have hidden in your anus. 1257 01:25:16,920 --> 01:25:19,200 " So don't tell Scotty Scotty doesn't know " 1258 01:25:19,240 --> 01:25:20,680 " Really want to go " 1259 01:25:20,760 --> 01:25:23,360 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1260 01:25:23,440 --> 01:25:26,600 " Scotty doesn't know " 1261 01:25:27,360 --> 01:25:30,920 " The parking lot, why not? " 1262 01:25:30,960 --> 01:25:33,440 " It's so cool when you're on top " 1263 01:25:36,320 --> 01:25:38,280 " Life is so hard 'Cause Scotty doesn't know " 1264 01:25:38,360 --> 01:25:40,360 " Scotty doesn't know " 1265 01:25:40,480 --> 01:25:43,000 Fuck off! Get out of it, you wankers! 1266 01:25:43,120 --> 01:25:46,680 Go on, you gaelic fucking garlic-breath tossers! 1267 01:25:46,720 --> 01:25:48,880 Piss off! Get in here and say that, mate! 1268 01:25:48,960 --> 01:25:51,280 Come on! Fucking come and have it! 1269 01:25:51,360 --> 01:25:53,000 You fucking beep?! 1270 01:25:53,080 --> 01:25:55,960 We'll beep, you bastard, all over your fucking nose! 1271 01:25:56,040 --> 01:25:57,120 Fuck off! 1272 01:25:57,200 --> 01:25:59,040 Go on, you French bastards! 1273 01:25:59,120 --> 01:26:01,720 Get on the other side of the road, you pricks! 1274 01:26:01,800 --> 01:26:03,400 Go on out of it! 1275 01:26:03,480 --> 01:26:04,800 Fuck off! 1276 01:26:04,880 --> 01:26:06,520 I'm nackered. 1277 01:26:06,600 --> 01:26:08,560 - League supporters. 1278 01:26:08,600 --> 01:26:11,160 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1279 01:26:11,280 --> 01:26:13,760 - No, wait... 1280 01:26:19,040 --> 01:26:22,400 Hey! Check these out! I'm 18 years old. 1281 01:26:22,520 --> 01:26:24,560 " Gonna tell Scotty Gonna tell myself " 1282 01:26:24,640 --> 01:26:28,920 " Scotty has to know Scotty has to know " 1283 01:26:29,000 --> 01:26:31,000 " Scotty has to Scotty has to go " 1284 01:26:31,080 --> 01:26:33,640 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1285 01:26:33,720 --> 01:26:35,800 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1286 01:26:35,880 --> 01:26:39,000 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1287 01:26:39,080 --> 01:26:43,640 " Scotty doesn't know Scotty doesn't know " 1288 01:26:43,760 --> 01:26:46,520 Scotty doesn't know! Scotty doesn't know! 1289 01:26:46,600 --> 01:26:49,800 Scotty doesn't know! Scotty doesn't know! 1290 01:26:49,880 --> 01:26:54,400 - Scotty doesn't know! 1291 01:26:54,480 --> 01:26:56,280 Scotty's gotta go! 1292 01:26:57,240 --> 01:27:06,840 Subtitles by Phaeton 1293 01:27:54,240 --> 01:27:56,360 Is it off yet? 1294 01:27:56,440 --> 01:27:58,200 No, keep rubbing it.