1
00:00:11,293 --> 00:00:18,666
#

2
00:00:19,034 --> 00:00:22,003
- Tiffani: Come, come to me,

3
00:00:22,037 --> 00:00:23,505
mi hijo.

4
00:00:23,706 --> 00:00:37,685
#

5
00:00:37,887 --> 00:00:40,555
- Ernesto: Tiffani, you are crying.

6
00:00:40,589 --> 00:00:42,891
Why, my darling?

7
00:00:42,925 --> 00:00:44,458
- Tiffani: Oh, Ernesto,

8
00:00:44,493 --> 00:00:46,394
it's just I've been

9
00:00:46,428 --> 00:00:48,396
with so many men.

10
00:00:48,430 --> 00:00:50,398
- Ernesto: Have there been many?

11
00:00:50,432 --> 00:00:51,900
- Tiffani: No.

12
00:00:51,934 --> 00:00:53,401
- Ernesto: It will not matter

13
00:00:53,435 --> 00:00:54,903
if you have been

14
00:00:54,937 --> 00:00:56,237
with millions of men.

15
00:00:56,271 --> 00:00:57,572
- Tiffani: Well,

16
00:00:57,606 --> 00:00:59,073
you're getting warm.

17
00:00:59,107 --> 00:01:01,075
With other men it's just sex.

18
00:01:01,109 --> 00:01:02,744
Random trashy sex

19
00:01:02,778 --> 00:01:05,413
that goes on for days.

20
00:01:05,447 --> 00:01:07,415
But with you,

21
00:01:07,449 --> 00:01:09,584
I will finally make love.

22
00:01:09,785 --> 00:01:17,258
#

23
00:01:17,459 --> 00:01:19,427
Oh, Ernesto,

24
00:01:19,461 --> 00:01:21,429
I totally love you.

25
00:01:21,463 --> 00:01:23,431
- Ernesto: I want to make

26
00:01:23,465 --> 00:01:26,601
many children.

27
00:01:26,635 --> 00:01:29,771
- Tiffani: Yes, children.

28
00:01:29,805 --> 00:01:33,441
Put children in me now!

29
00:01:33,475 --> 00:01:36,778
Fuck me now!

30
00:01:36,812 --> 00:01:39,113
Harder, Ernesto, come on.

31
00:01:39,147 --> 00:01:41,783
Oh, yes, fuck me

32
00:01:41,817 --> 00:01:43,284
like a day laborer.

33
00:01:43,318 --> 00:01:44,786
Yeah, baby,

34
00:01:44,820 --> 00:01:46,287
take me from behind.

35
00:01:46,321 --> 00:01:48,122
Use me, treat me

36
00:01:48,156 --> 00:01:49,958
like a fuck machine.

37
00:01:49,992 --> 00:01:51,960
Rarrr, rarrr, rarrr!

38
00:01:51,994 --> 00:01:53,461
- Ernesto: In the butt?

39
00:01:53,495 --> 00:01:55,196
- Tiffani: Yes, in the butt, now.

40
00:01:55,230 --> 00:01:56,530
- Ernesto: Tiffani, we must stop.

41
00:01:56,565 --> 00:01:57,865
- Tiffani: If you stop

42
00:01:57,900 --> 00:01:59,200
I'll rip off your dick

43
00:01:59,234 --> 00:02:00,702
and shove it in there myself.

44
00:02:00,736 --> 00:02:01,869
- Ernesto: Tiffani,

45
00:02:01,904 --> 00:02:03,204
we're in a coffin.

46
00:02:03,238 --> 00:02:04,538
- Tiffani: Shut up,

47
00:02:04,573 --> 00:02:06,040
you're ruining my fantasy.

48
00:02:06,075 --> 00:02:07,541
- Ernesto: Tiffani.

49
00:02:07,576 --> 00:02:09,043
- Tiffani: Shit, my speech.

50
00:02:09,244 --> 00:02:11,713
#

51
00:02:11,914 --> 00:02:13,748
Gracias, Ernesto.

52
00:02:13,949 --> 00:02:15,650
#

53
00:02:15,851 --> 00:02:17,652
I love funerals.

54
00:02:18,020 --> 00:02:30,665
#

55
00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:39,907
- Helen: Kyle and Mark loved life,

56
00:02:39,942 --> 00:02:41,408
and that's why

57
00:02:41,443 --> 00:02:44,078
we're here today.

58
00:02:44,113 --> 00:02:46,080
My son was so proud

59
00:02:46,115 --> 00:02:48,082
of his homosexuality

60
00:02:48,117 --> 00:02:50,084
that he would want you all

61
00:02:50,119 --> 00:02:52,419
to know exactly how he died.

62
00:02:52,454 --> 00:02:54,421
My son rocketed off

63
00:02:54,456 --> 00:02:56,157
this mortal coil

64
00:02:56,191 --> 00:02:58,159
at 80 miles an hour

65
00:02:58,193 --> 00:02:59,894
down the Ronald Regan freeway

66
00:02:59,928 --> 00:03:01,796
while giving the man he loved

67
00:03:01,830 --> 00:03:03,531
a blowjob.

68
00:03:03,565 --> 00:03:05,033
According

69
00:03:05,067 --> 00:03:08,903
to the autopsy report,

70
00:03:08,937 --> 00:03:13,107
as Mark began to bust a nut,

71
00:03:13,142 --> 00:03:15,442
Celine Dion's tour bus appeared

72
00:03:15,477 --> 00:03:17,444
going in the wrong direction.

73
00:03:17,479 --> 00:03:19,446
Upon impact,

74
00:03:19,481 --> 00:03:22,950
my boys came together.

75
00:03:22,985 --> 00:03:24,952
And they died together,

76
00:03:24,987 --> 00:03:27,288
doing what they loved.

77
00:03:29,158 --> 00:03:30,624
Amen.

78
00:03:30,826 --> 00:03:33,795
[clapping]

79
00:03:34,663 --> 00:03:36,630
Kyle's best friend,

80
00:03:36,665 --> 00:03:38,632
Tiffani Vanderslut,

81
00:03:38,667 --> 00:03:41,302
has prepared a special tribute.

82
00:03:41,336 --> 00:03:43,037
- Tiffani: I wouldn't call us

83
00:03:43,072 --> 00:03:44,706
best friends exactly.

84
00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:02,790
This number goes out to you,

85
00:04:02,825 --> 00:04:05,793
Kyle and Mark.

86
00:04:05,828 --> 00:04:08,462
Kinda sucks they're dead, huh?

87
00:04:08,496 --> 00:04:10,297
I remember the time

88
00:04:10,332 --> 00:04:11,966
Kyle pretended to be straight

89
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,468
for my ex boyfriend, Troy,

90
00:04:14,502 --> 00:04:16,637
who made him eat my pussy.

91
00:04:16,671 --> 00:04:18,639
And then everything went...

92
00:04:21,176 --> 00:04:22,877
Well, maybe that's not

93
00:04:22,911 --> 00:04:25,713
an appropriate memory.

94
00:04:25,748 --> 00:04:27,381
And Mark.

95
00:04:27,415 --> 00:04:29,383
Actually I hardly knew you

96
00:04:29,417 --> 00:04:30,885
but whatever,

97
00:04:30,919 --> 00:04:32,220
thanks for coming.

98
00:04:32,420 --> 00:04:34,555
[lauhging]

99
00:04:36,424 --> 00:04:38,126
Here's a little diddy

100
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:40,795
I learned in Girl Scouts.

101
00:04:40,829 --> 00:04:43,430
I had to look up the lyrics

102
00:04:43,465 --> 00:04:44,999
online.

103
00:04:55,510 --> 00:04:59,881
# Cum-ba-ya, my lord, #

104
00:04:59,915 --> 00:05:02,950
# cum-by-ya. #

105
00:05:02,985 --> 00:05:06,654
# Cum-ba-ya, my lord, #

106
00:05:06,688 --> 00:05:10,124
# cum-by-ya. #

107
00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:15,163
# Cum-ba-ya, my lord, #

108
00:05:15,197 --> 00:05:18,599
# cum-by-ya. #

109
00:05:18,633 --> 00:05:24,605
# Oh lord, cum-by-ya. #

110
00:05:24,639 --> 00:05:28,242
# Someone's praying, my lord, #

111
00:05:28,277 --> 00:05:30,878
# cum-by-ya. #

112
00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:33,848
# Someone's praying, my lord, #

113
00:05:33,882 --> 00:05:36,050
# cum-by-ya. #

114
00:05:36,084 --> 00:05:38,920
# Someone's praying, my lord, #

115
00:05:38,954 --> 00:05:41,122
# cum-by-ya. #

116
00:05:41,156 --> 00:05:44,558
# Oh lord, cum-by-ya. #

117
00:05:44,592 --> 00:05:47,561
# Someone's praying, my lord, #

118
00:05:47,595 --> 00:05:49,230
# cum-by-ya. #

119
00:05:49,264 --> 00:05:50,965
# Someone's squirming, #

120
00:05:50,999 --> 00:05:52,700
# my lord, #

121
00:05:52,734 --> 00:05:54,368
# cum-by-ya. #

122
00:05:54,402 --> 00:05:56,370
# Someone's horny, my lord, #

123
00:05:56,404 --> 00:05:58,105
# cum-by-ya. #

124
00:05:58,140 --> 00:06:01,876
# Oh yes, my lord! #

125
00:06:01,910 --> 00:06:04,045
# Cum-by-ya. #

126
00:06:04,246 --> 00:06:06,714
Oh, God, it's so hard,

127
00:06:06,748 --> 00:06:09,050
I just need to...

128
00:06:09,084 --> 00:06:10,718
pray.

129
00:06:10,919 --> 00:06:19,460
#

130
00:06:19,661 --> 00:06:20,962
- everybody: Lord,

131
00:06:20,996 --> 00:06:22,296
hear our prayer.

132
00:06:22,331 --> 00:06:23,630
- Casey: I'm gonna love

133
00:06:23,665 --> 00:06:24,966
this town.

134
00:06:25,167 --> 00:06:33,307
#

135
00:06:33,508 --> 00:06:34,808
- Helen: It isn't much,

136
00:06:34,843 --> 00:06:36,143
but I can give you

137
00:06:36,178 --> 00:06:37,478
a good deal on the rent.

138
00:06:37,512 --> 00:06:38,645
- Casey: It's perfection.

139
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:39,981
- Helen: You haven't seen it.

140
00:06:40,015 --> 00:06:41,315
- Casey: It's near my Aunt,

141
00:06:41,350 --> 00:06:42,649
what more could I want?

142
00:06:42,684 --> 00:06:44,151
- Helen: Well, it is furnished

143
00:06:44,186 --> 00:06:45,652
and it'll be nice

144
00:06:45,687 --> 00:06:47,154
to have family around.

145
00:06:47,189 --> 00:06:48,655
- Casey: Thank you, Aunt Helen.

146
00:06:50,859 --> 00:06:52,659
- Helen: I just wish you and Kyle

147
00:06:52,694 --> 00:06:53,995
could've spent

148
00:06:54,029 --> 00:06:55,496
more time together.

149
00:06:55,530 --> 00:06:57,498
Did he know you were a mo?

150
00:06:57,532 --> 00:06:58,832
- Casey: Uh...

151
00:06:58,867 --> 00:07:00,834
I didn't know I was a mo

152
00:07:00,869 --> 00:07:02,503
until like a year ago.

153
00:07:02,537 --> 00:07:04,005
- Helen: Color me, Britney.

154
00:07:04,039 --> 00:07:05,672
I always thought you were gayer

155
00:07:05,707 --> 00:07:07,174
than a midnight screening

156
00:07:07,209 --> 00:07:08,342
of Showgirls.

157
00:07:08,377 --> 00:07:09,510
- Casey: I was

158
00:07:09,544 --> 00:07:10,844
one of those clueless gays.

159
00:07:10,879 --> 00:07:12,013
Everyone knew but me.

160
00:07:12,047 --> 00:07:13,347
- Helen: So when did you finally

161
00:07:13,382 --> 00:07:14,515
get your man-cherry popped?

162
00:07:14,549 --> 00:07:15,682
- Casey: Aunt Helen!

163
00:07:15,717 --> 00:07:17,184
You don't wanna hear about that.

164
00:07:17,219 --> 00:07:18,519
- Helen: Of course I do.

165
00:07:18,553 --> 00:07:20,021
I wouldn't be a good aunt

166
00:07:20,055 --> 00:07:21,289
if I didn't.

167
00:07:21,489 --> 00:07:24,125
[phone ringing]

168
00:07:24,326 --> 00:07:25,626
- Casey: 696? Is that local?

169
00:07:25,660 --> 00:07:27,361
- Helen: Well, I gave your number

170
00:07:27,396 --> 00:07:28,529
to that slut

171
00:07:28,563 --> 00:07:29,863
from the funeral, Tiffani.

172
00:07:29,898 --> 00:07:31,365
- Casey: Oh, I love her.

173
00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:32,699
- Helen: Kyle adored her.

174
00:07:32,734 --> 00:07:34,435
And, well, I thought

175
00:07:34,469 --> 00:07:36,703
you might need some new friends,

176
00:07:36,738 --> 00:07:38,739
even if they are loser whores.

177
00:07:38,941 --> 00:07:40,074
- Casey: Hello?

178
00:07:40,108 --> 00:07:41,242
- Tiffani: Casey, Casey.

179
00:07:41,276 --> 00:07:42,410
- Casey: Hey, Tiffani.

180
00:07:42,444 --> 00:07:43,744
- Tiffani: How did you know

181
00:07:43,778 --> 00:07:44,912
it was me?

182
00:07:44,947 --> 00:07:46,080
- Casey: I remembered

183
00:07:46,114 --> 00:07:47,248
your sultry voice

184
00:07:47,282 --> 00:07:48,416
form the funeral.

185
00:07:48,450 --> 00:07:49,417
- Tiffani: Compliments

186
00:07:49,451 --> 00:07:50,584
will get you nowhere

187
00:07:50,618 --> 00:07:51,752
unless you're straight.

188
00:07:51,786 --> 00:07:53,087
And hung like Mr. T.

189
00:07:53,121 --> 00:07:54,255
- Casey: Damn and damn.

190
00:07:54,289 --> 00:07:55,423
- Tiffani: As I thought.

191
00:07:55,457 --> 00:07:56,590
Your aunt tells me

192
00:07:56,624 --> 00:07:57,758
you need a job,

193
00:07:57,792 --> 00:07:58,926
why don't you get

194
00:07:58,961 --> 00:08:00,094
your faggoty ass

195
00:08:00,128 --> 00:08:01,429
down to 4255 Hawthorne Lane.

196
00:08:01,463 --> 00:08:02,763
- Casey: You are such a stud.

197
00:08:02,797 --> 00:08:03,931
- Tiffani: I know.

198
00:08:03,966 --> 00:08:05,099
Fuff!

199
00:08:05,133 --> 00:08:06,434
Where have you been

200
00:08:06,468 --> 00:08:07,935
sticking these things?

201
00:08:08,636 --> 00:08:10,204
- Casey: Oh!

202
00:08:10,238 --> 00:08:11,538
- Helen: Go on,

203
00:08:11,573 --> 00:08:13,040
go get your tramp on.

204
00:08:13,075 --> 00:08:14,375
- Casey: Thank you, Aunt Helen.

205
00:08:14,576 --> 00:08:22,549
#

206
00:08:22,750 --> 00:08:24,318
- Helen: I am the coolest adult

207
00:08:24,353 --> 00:08:25,819
in the world.

208
00:08:26,021 --> 00:08:27,989
#

209
00:08:28,190 --> 00:08:31,158
[sighing]

210
00:08:31,693 --> 00:08:37,831
Oh, Kyle...

211
00:08:37,866 --> 00:08:39,500
My little queen.

212
00:08:39,701 --> 00:08:54,681
#

213
00:08:54,883 --> 00:08:56,850
- Tiffani: Nail Me, we do nails.

214
00:08:56,885 --> 00:08:58,685
With release!

215
00:09:00,222 --> 00:09:02,189
No, I'm kidding, I mean,

216
00:09:02,224 --> 00:09:03,924
unless you're a really hot guy.

217
00:09:03,958 --> 00:09:05,426
Are you?

218
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:07,428
Well, I'm sorry you don't find

219
00:09:07,462 --> 00:09:08,929
my brand of humor...

220
00:09:10,632 --> 00:09:11,932
Well, I'm sorry I offended

221
00:09:11,966 --> 00:09:13,100
your Christian sensibility,

222
00:09:13,135 --> 00:09:14,768
but if you worship a guy

223
00:09:14,802 --> 00:09:16,270
who was hung on a cross,

224
00:09:16,304 --> 00:09:17,604
nails should be the last thing

225
00:09:17,639 --> 00:09:18,939
on your mind.

226
00:09:19,974 --> 00:09:21,275
Who needs customer

227
00:09:21,309 --> 00:09:22,876
like her anyway.

228
00:09:29,084 --> 00:09:30,551
- Tiffani: Let me introduce you

229
00:09:30,585 --> 00:09:31,885
to the girls.

230
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:34,555
Pam, Candy.

231
00:09:53,942 --> 00:09:55,409
- Tiffani: They said they can't wait

232
00:09:55,444 --> 00:09:56,743
to get to know you.

233
00:09:56,778 --> 00:09:57,911
- Casey: Cool.

234
00:09:57,946 --> 00:09:59,413
Tell them I feel the same way.

235
00:10:09,458 --> 00:10:11,592
- Tiffani: Basically, you sweep up,

236
00:10:11,626 --> 00:10:12,926
take phone calls

237
00:10:12,961 --> 00:10:14,428
and do whatever we say.

238
00:10:14,463 --> 00:10:15,929
Can you handle that?

239
00:10:15,964 --> 00:10:17,664
- Casey: Is Madonna awesome?

240
00:10:18,866 --> 00:10:20,167
- Tiffani: Okay.

241
00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:21,668
Well the job's yours anyway,

242
00:10:21,703 --> 00:10:23,270
but there's one little catch.

243
00:10:23,305 --> 00:10:25,005
You have to come with me

244
00:10:25,039 --> 00:10:26,173
to this event thingy.

245
00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:27,508
- Casey: I love event thingies.

246
00:10:27,542 --> 00:10:28,842
- Tiffani: You try too hard.

247
00:10:28,876 --> 00:10:30,010
Come on.

248
00:10:30,044 --> 00:10:31,178
- Casey: Right now?

249
00:10:31,213 --> 00:10:32,346
What about work?

250
00:10:32,380 --> 00:10:33,514
- Tiffani: Fuck them.

251
00:10:33,548 --> 00:10:35,616
- Pam: Fuck you, too.

252
00:10:35,817 --> 00:10:38,018
#

253
00:10:38,487 --> 00:10:39,954
- Casey: What are we doing here?

254
00:10:39,988 --> 00:10:41,456
I don't like places like this.

255
00:10:41,490 --> 00:10:42,457
- Tiffani: Me neither,

256
00:10:42,491 --> 00:10:43,791
but they have this fundraiser

257
00:10:43,826 --> 00:10:45,125
where they auction off dates

258
00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:46,461
with shirtless beefcakes.

259
00:10:46,495 --> 00:10:47,795
Nudity and open bar.

260
00:10:47,830 --> 00:10:49,296
- Casey: You're taking me to that?!

261
00:10:49,331 --> 00:10:50,798
- Tiffani: No, it's in two weeks.

262
00:10:50,833 --> 00:10:51,966
And you're taking me.

263
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,133
Kyle was going to,

264
00:10:53,168 --> 00:10:54,469
but, you know, he's dead.

265
00:10:54,503 --> 00:10:55,803
So you're going to volunteer

266
00:10:55,838 --> 00:10:57,137
and get us free tickets.

267
00:10:57,172 --> 00:10:58,473
- Casey: But I'm so not

268
00:10:58,507 --> 00:10:59,640
a hot shirtless man.

269
00:10:59,675 --> 00:11:00,975
- Tiffani: You're hardly a man,

270
00:11:01,009 --> 00:11:02,477
no one would pay for you,

271
00:11:02,511 --> 00:11:03,478
you'll help out

272
00:11:03,512 --> 00:11:04,479
behind the scenes.

273
00:11:04,513 --> 00:11:05,980
- Casey: Why would I do that?

274
00:11:06,014 --> 00:11:07,482
- Tiffani: I gave you that job

275
00:11:07,516 --> 00:11:08,816
and I can replace you

276
00:11:08,851 --> 00:11:10,150
with an immigrant, like that!

277
00:11:10,185 --> 00:11:11,151
- Casey: Okay, okay,

278
00:11:11,186 --> 00:11:12,487
it's just that I'm not

279
00:11:12,521 --> 00:11:13,821
into the whole gay scene.

280
00:11:13,856 --> 00:11:14,822
- Helen: Welcome

281
00:11:14,857 --> 00:11:16,156
to the whole gay scene.

282
00:11:16,191 --> 00:11:17,492
Are you kids here

283
00:11:17,526 --> 00:11:18,659
to volunteer?

284
00:11:18,694 --> 00:11:20,495
- Tiffani: I'm not but Casey is.

285
00:11:20,529 --> 00:11:22,096
- Helen: Fabulous.

286
00:11:22,130 --> 00:11:23,764
Darling, you're shaking

287
00:11:23,799 --> 00:11:25,766
like a little Chihuahua.

288
00:11:25,801 --> 00:11:27,602
Don't be nervous,

289
00:11:27,636 --> 00:11:29,537
I don't bite...much.

290
00:11:29,905 --> 00:11:31,372
[laughing]

291
00:11:31,573 --> 00:11:32,707
- Tiffani: He's never volunteered

292
00:11:32,741 --> 00:11:33,708
before.

293
00:11:33,742 --> 00:11:34,876
- Helen: Oh, a virgin.

294
00:11:34,910 --> 00:11:36,210
- Tiffani: If you don't count

295
00:11:36,244 --> 00:11:37,211
anal.

296
00:11:37,245 --> 00:11:38,379
- Helen: Well, either way,

297
00:11:38,413 --> 00:11:39,547
fill out this paperwork

298
00:11:39,581 --> 00:11:40,882
and then I'll have Zack,

299
00:11:40,916 --> 00:11:42,316
our volunteer coordinator,

300
00:11:42,350 --> 00:11:43,985
meet with you and figure out

301
00:11:44,019 --> 00:11:45,319
which position

302
00:11:45,353 --> 00:11:47,488
you'd be most comfortable in.

303
00:11:47,523 --> 00:11:49,490
So to speak.

304
00:11:50,025 --> 00:11:50,992
- Casey: That's why

305
00:11:51,026 --> 00:11:52,326
I don't like these places.

306
00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:53,494
They're full of these

307
00:11:53,529 --> 00:11:54,495
old horn dogs

308
00:11:54,530 --> 00:11:55,663
looking to get laid.

309
00:11:55,697 --> 00:11:56,664
- Tiffani: Jesus.

310
00:11:56,698 --> 00:11:57,999
Lay off the fox news.

311
00:11:58,033 --> 00:11:59,333
- Casey: Really, I always hear

312
00:11:59,367 --> 00:12:00,501
'the gay community' this,

313
00:12:00,536 --> 00:12:01,669
the 'gay community' that.

314
00:12:01,703 --> 00:12:03,170
But all I see are a bunch

315
00:12:03,204 --> 00:12:04,171
of drunk assholes

316
00:12:04,205 --> 00:12:05,172
looking for sex,

317
00:12:05,206 --> 00:12:06,340
who don't care anything

318
00:12:06,374 --> 00:12:07,341
about relationships.

319
00:12:07,375 --> 00:12:08,342
- Tiffani: Excuse me,

320
00:12:08,376 --> 00:12:09,510
Maria full of grace,

321
00:12:09,545 --> 00:12:10,678
but that doesn't sound

322
00:12:10,712 --> 00:12:11,846
any different

323
00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:13,180
than any straight bar.

324
00:12:13,214 --> 00:12:14,849
Drunk sweaty men.

325
00:12:14,883 --> 00:12:16,350
Drooling, groping,

326
00:12:16,384 --> 00:12:18,352
pressing their manhood

327
00:12:18,386 --> 00:12:19,687
all up against

328
00:12:19,721 --> 00:12:20,855
your supple ass

329
00:12:20,889 --> 00:12:22,189
on the dance floor.

330
00:12:22,223 --> 00:12:23,691
- Casey: God, you are gayer

331
00:12:23,725 --> 00:12:24,859
than I am.

332
00:12:24,893 --> 00:12:26,193
- Tiffani: Honey, I'm gayer

333
00:12:26,227 --> 00:12:27,528
than a Kevin Spacey

334
00:12:27,563 --> 00:12:28,696
Anderson Cooper chicken wrap,

335
00:12:28,730 --> 00:12:30,031
and what's wrong with that?

336
00:12:30,065 --> 00:12:31,532
- Casey: Nothing, it's just

337
00:12:31,567 --> 00:12:32,533
I'm disappointed

338
00:12:32,568 --> 00:12:33,701
at how sex-centric

339
00:12:33,735 --> 00:12:35,202
the gay community is.

340
00:12:35,236 --> 00:12:36,537
- Tiffani: It's called homosexual,

341
00:12:36,572 --> 00:12:37,872
not homo-hug-ual,

342
00:12:37,906 --> 00:12:39,040
what did you expect?

343
00:12:39,074 --> 00:12:40,207
- Casey: Romance?

344
00:12:40,241 --> 00:12:41,943
I want to travel the world

345
00:12:41,977 --> 00:12:43,277
on scooters, adopt children.

346
00:12:43,311 --> 00:12:44,278
- Tiffani: Children

347
00:12:44,312 --> 00:12:45,613
are just abortions that eat.

348
00:12:45,647 --> 00:12:46,781
- Casey: You know what?

349
00:12:46,815 --> 00:12:48,515
Forget it, I am not signing

350
00:12:48,550 --> 00:12:50,051
that stupid...

351
00:12:51,419 --> 00:12:53,387
Oh, my fuck.

352
00:12:53,589 --> 00:13:08,235
#

353
00:13:08,436 --> 00:13:09,737
- Zack: I see you got

354
00:13:09,771 --> 00:13:10,905
your paperwork.

355
00:13:10,939 --> 00:13:12,073
- Casey: Uh, yeah...

356
00:13:12,107 --> 00:13:13,407
just let me sign it.

357
00:13:15,110 --> 00:13:16,911
- Zack: Cool.

358
00:13:16,945 --> 00:13:18,079
Jonathan?

359
00:13:18,113 --> 00:13:19,446
- Casey: Uh, Casey.

360
00:13:19,481 --> 00:13:20,948
- Zack: Oh, I'm Zack.

361
00:13:20,983 --> 00:13:22,449
This is Tandy.

362
00:13:22,484 --> 00:13:23,784
- Tiffani: I'm his best friend.

363
00:13:23,819 --> 00:13:24,952
- Casey: That's so funny,

364
00:13:24,987 --> 00:13:26,621
I'm here with my best friend,

365
00:13:26,655 --> 00:13:27,788
Tiffani.

366
00:13:27,823 --> 00:13:29,289
- Tiffani: No, I'm more like

367
00:13:29,324 --> 00:13:30,457
your boss.

368
00:13:30,492 --> 00:13:31,626
- Zack: Wow, best friends

369
00:13:31,660 --> 00:13:32,793
with T names.

370
00:13:32,828 --> 00:13:34,294
- Casey: Yeah, we should like

371
00:13:34,329 --> 00:13:35,462
form a club.

372
00:13:35,497 --> 00:13:36,631
- Tiffani: Excuse me,

373
00:13:36,665 --> 00:13:38,966
I gotta go take a shit.

374
00:13:39,001 --> 00:13:40,701
- Tiffani: I'll come with.

375
00:13:42,570 --> 00:13:43,704
- Zack: So you're comfortable

376
00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:44,872
taking off your clothes?

377
00:13:44,906 --> 00:13:45,873
- Casey: What?

378
00:13:45,907 --> 00:13:47,207
- Zack: Oh, I just assumed

379
00:13:47,242 --> 00:13:48,208
you were volunteering

380
00:13:48,243 --> 00:13:49,543
to be one of the studs

381
00:13:49,577 --> 00:13:50,711
in the male sale.

382
00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:52,212
- Casey: I'm clearly not a...

383
00:13:52,247 --> 00:13:53,714
stud.

384
00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:55,716
Are you a...a stud?

385
00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:57,217
I mean in the male sale?

386
00:13:57,252 --> 00:13:58,719
- Zack: Yes, I'm in the auction.

387
00:13:58,754 --> 00:14:00,054
But I sorta do

388
00:14:00,088 --> 00:14:01,722
everything around here.

389
00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:04,391
- Casey: So, wow, how'd you get

390
00:14:04,425 --> 00:14:05,893
into volunteering?

391
00:14:05,927 --> 00:14:07,394
- Zack: I'm running credit

392
00:14:07,428 --> 00:14:08,896
for this faggotry studies class

393
00:14:08,930 --> 00:14:10,230
and it's a good way

394
00:14:10,265 --> 00:14:11,398
to meet people.

395
00:14:11,432 --> 00:14:12,733
- Casey: Totally good way.

396
00:14:12,768 --> 00:14:13,901
- Tiffani: Well, they look

397
00:14:13,935 --> 00:14:15,069
like they're getting along.

398
00:14:15,103 --> 00:14:16,804
- Tiffani: I guess we have to pretend

399
00:14:16,838 --> 00:14:18,305
to like each other now.

400
00:14:18,339 --> 00:14:19,807
- Tiffani: Wow, you're really good

401
00:14:19,841 --> 00:14:20,975
at it.

402
00:14:21,009 --> 00:14:22,143
- Zack: What are some

403
00:14:22,177 --> 00:14:23,310
of your skills?

404
00:14:23,344 --> 00:14:24,311
- Casey: Huh?

405
00:14:24,345 --> 00:14:25,646
- Zack: Things you can do

406
00:14:25,681 --> 00:14:26,981
to help with the auction?

407
00:14:27,015 --> 00:14:28,315
Since we can't sell you.

408
00:14:28,349 --> 00:14:30,551
- Casey: Well...

409
00:14:30,585 --> 00:14:32,386
what are your skills?

410
00:14:32,420 --> 00:14:33,721
- Zack: Brochures, visual stuff,

411
00:14:33,755 --> 00:14:35,222
I'm an art major.

412
00:14:35,256 --> 00:14:36,557
I design all the posters here.

413
00:14:36,591 --> 00:14:37,892
- Casey: I can't even

414
00:14:37,926 --> 00:14:39,560
make a smiley on my cellphone.

415
00:14:39,594 --> 00:14:41,062
- Zack: Can you write?

416
00:14:41,096 --> 00:14:42,229
- Casey: Does texting count?

417
00:14:42,263 --> 00:14:43,564
- Zack: Maybe you could write

418
00:14:43,598 --> 00:14:44,565
the copy

419
00:14:44,599 --> 00:14:45,900
for one of the flyers

420
00:14:45,934 --> 00:14:47,068
I'm designing.

421
00:14:47,102 --> 00:14:48,569
We could work on it together.

422
00:14:48,603 --> 00:14:49,904
- Casey: I'd love to.

423
00:14:49,938 --> 00:14:51,405
- Zack: Can I get your number?

424
00:14:51,439 --> 00:14:52,406
- Casey: Really?

425
00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:53,908
- Zack: Yeah, you didn't write it

426
00:14:53,942 --> 00:14:55,076
on your form.

427
00:14:55,110 --> 00:14:56,410
- Casey: Oh, yeah.

428
00:14:56,444 --> 00:14:57,745
- Zack: Do you know

429
00:14:57,779 --> 00:14:58,913
the Blue Dahlia Café?

430
00:14:58,947 --> 00:15:00,081
- Casey: Uh, yeah.

431
00:15:00,115 --> 00:15:01,415
- Zack: Let's meet there tomorrow

432
00:15:01,449 --> 00:15:02,416
at 4:00.

433
00:15:02,450 --> 00:15:03,751
We'll put you to work.

434
00:15:03,785 --> 00:15:04,919
- Casey: Okay, well, here's

435
00:15:04,953 --> 00:15:06,653
my number and you can have it

436
00:15:06,688 --> 00:15:07,988
too, if you want to...

437
00:15:08,023 --> 00:15:09,156
- Lionel: Zack!

438
00:15:09,357 --> 00:15:16,330
#

439
00:15:16,531 --> 00:15:18,232
Can we leave this dump already?

440
00:15:18,266 --> 00:15:19,566
I can feel the troll

441
00:15:19,601 --> 00:15:20,901
sucking our youth away.

442
00:15:20,936 --> 00:15:22,236
- Zack: Lionel.

443
00:15:22,270 --> 00:15:23,570
This is my boyfriend.

444
00:15:23,605 --> 00:15:25,239
- Casey: Oh, great.

445
00:15:25,273 --> 00:15:27,074
- Lionel: Me, you, talk in private.

446
00:15:27,109 --> 00:15:28,075
Now.

447
00:15:28,110 --> 00:15:29,243
- Zack: Excuse us.

448
00:15:29,277 --> 00:15:30,577
You didn't have to come

449
00:15:30,612 --> 00:15:31,912
if you're gonna be like this.

450
00:15:31,947 --> 00:15:33,247
- Lionel: You're the one complaining

451
00:15:33,281 --> 00:15:34,581
we never get to spend

452
00:15:34,616 --> 00:15:35,582
enough time together.

453
00:15:35,617 --> 00:15:36,751
Well, here I am.

454
00:15:36,785 --> 00:15:37,918
- Zack: With your friends.

455
00:15:37,953 --> 00:15:38,919
- Lionel: Hey.

456
00:15:38,954 --> 00:15:39,920
We're letting you

457
00:15:39,955 --> 00:15:41,655
auction us off for this dump.

458
00:15:41,689 --> 00:15:42,656
Be grateful.

459
00:15:42,690 --> 00:15:43,991
Let's get out of here.

460
00:15:44,025 --> 00:15:45,159
- Zack: I'm signed up

461
00:15:45,193 --> 00:15:46,160
for another hour.

462
00:15:46,194 --> 00:15:47,661
- Tiffani: I'll fucking cover for you.

463
00:15:47,695 --> 00:15:49,163
- Zack: You don't have to do that.

464
00:15:49,197 --> 00:15:50,664
- Tiffani: Oh, but I want to.

465
00:15:50,698 --> 00:15:51,999
Besides, fleabag here

466
00:15:52,033 --> 00:15:53,167
gives me a rash.

467
00:15:53,201 --> 00:15:54,501
- Lionel: But I wasn't anywhere

468
00:15:54,535 --> 00:15:55,502
near your pussy.

469
00:15:55,536 --> 00:15:56,837
- Tiffani: Get him the fuck

470
00:15:56,872 --> 00:15:58,572
out of here.

471
00:15:58,606 --> 00:16:00,574
- Zack: Thanks, Tandy.

472
00:16:00,608 --> 00:16:02,376
See you soon, buddy.

473
00:16:02,410 --> 00:16:04,478
- Casey: Yeah, sounds....

474
00:16:05,847 --> 00:16:07,314
Like that'll happen.

475
00:16:07,348 --> 00:16:08,816
He's sweet, nice, and hot.

476
00:16:08,850 --> 00:16:10,151
Of course he's taken.

477
00:16:10,185 --> 00:16:11,485
- Tiffani: Nah, he's just

478
00:16:11,519 --> 00:16:12,987
ass-pussy whipped.

479
00:16:13,021 --> 00:16:14,488
They won't last long.

480
00:16:14,522 --> 00:16:15,823
"Buddy."

481
00:16:16,024 --> 00:16:20,327
#

482
00:16:20,529 --> 00:16:21,662
- Lionel: Don't take it

483
00:16:21,696 --> 00:16:22,663
so personally.

484
00:16:22,697 --> 00:16:23,997
- Zack: Why are we together,

485
00:16:24,032 --> 00:16:25,165
we don't like doing

486
00:16:25,199 --> 00:16:26,166
the same things.

487
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:27,501
- Lionel: We like doing the same.

488
00:16:27,536 --> 00:16:28,669
- Zack: Swallowing doesn't count.

489
00:16:28,703 --> 00:16:29,670
- Lionel: Swallowing counts.

490
00:16:29,704 --> 00:16:30,671
It's extra credit.

491
00:16:30,705 --> 00:16:32,005
- Zack: It's been six months

492
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:33,006
and I still feel

493
00:16:33,041 --> 00:16:34,007
you're pulling away.

494
00:16:34,042 --> 00:16:35,008
- Lionel: Because you're always

495
00:16:35,043 --> 00:16:36,009
clinging on to me.

496
00:16:36,044 --> 00:16:37,177
- Zack: You won't even

497
00:16:37,211 --> 00:16:38,512
call us boyfriends in public.

498
00:16:38,547 --> 00:16:40,013
- Lionel: You know you want me

499
00:16:40,048 --> 00:16:41,682
inside you.

500
00:16:41,716 --> 00:16:43,016
- Zack: No. I'm mad,

501
00:16:43,051 --> 00:16:44,685
I'm not happy

502
00:16:44,719 --> 00:16:46,353
with how things are going.

503
00:16:46,387 --> 00:16:48,355
- Lionel: You're good at one thing.

504
00:16:50,224 --> 00:16:51,692
- Zack: Lionel.

505
00:16:51,726 --> 00:16:53,694
- Lionel: You're great at it.

506
00:16:53,728 --> 00:16:55,362
- Zack: Please, don't.

507
00:16:55,564 --> 00:17:02,035
#

508
00:17:02,236 --> 00:17:03,537
I can't believe

509
00:17:03,572 --> 00:17:05,038
I'm doing this.

510
00:17:05,073 --> 00:17:06,507
Please stop.

511
00:17:06,708 --> 00:17:13,681
[panting]

512
00:17:13,882 --> 00:17:15,683
I don't want to do this.

513
00:17:15,884 --> 00:17:21,856
[panting]

514
00:17:22,056 --> 00:17:23,524
I don't wanna....

515
00:17:24,726 --> 00:17:26,193
- Lionel: Oh...

516
00:17:26,227 --> 00:17:27,695
Oh, yeah.

517
00:17:27,729 --> 00:17:29,196
No one does it better

518
00:17:29,230 --> 00:17:30,531
than you.

519
00:17:30,732 --> 00:17:35,035
#

520
00:17:35,236 --> 00:17:36,704
You can cling on to that

521
00:17:36,738 --> 00:17:37,705
anytime you like,

522
00:17:37,739 --> 00:17:38,706
snuggle bear.

523
00:17:38,740 --> 00:17:40,040
- Zack: We're through, get out.

524
00:17:40,074 --> 00:17:41,375
- Lionel: Can I at least

525
00:17:41,409 --> 00:17:42,977
come first?

526
00:17:43,011 --> 00:17:44,478
- Zack: Get out!

527
00:17:44,513 --> 00:17:45,646
- Lionel: Come on.

528
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:46,647
Are you ready

529
00:17:46,681 --> 00:17:47,982
to say goodbye to this?

530
00:17:48,016 --> 00:17:49,483
- Zack: I'll slam the door on it

531
00:17:49,518 --> 00:17:50,985
if you don't get the fuck out.

532
00:17:51,019 --> 00:17:52,486
- Lionel: Good luck trying to find

533
00:17:52,521 --> 00:17:53,988
someone as hot as me.

534
00:17:55,023 --> 00:17:56,323
[door slamming]

535
00:17:56,525 --> 00:17:57,825
I'm gonna come right here

536
00:17:57,859 --> 00:17:59,159
on your front door.

537
00:18:01,029 --> 00:18:02,496
Yeah, you know you wish

538
00:18:02,531 --> 00:18:04,331
you were sucking this.

539
00:18:04,365 --> 00:18:06,000
- Zack: What am I doing?

540
00:18:06,034 --> 00:18:09,003
- Lionel: Oh yeah.

541
00:18:09,037 --> 00:18:11,672
Oh, fuck yeah.

542
00:18:11,873 --> 00:18:19,513
[panting]

543
00:18:19,714 --> 00:18:20,681
You know what?

544
00:18:20,715 --> 00:18:21,682
Enjoy being alone,

545
00:18:21,716 --> 00:18:22,850
whack job.

546
00:18:28,056 --> 00:18:29,356
- Casey: Found him!

547
00:18:29,390 --> 00:18:30,691
- Tiffani: Wow, stalker much?

548
00:18:30,725 --> 00:18:32,026
- Casey: What should I say?

549
00:18:32,060 --> 00:18:33,360
- Tiffani: I'm a lonely psychopath

550
00:18:33,394 --> 00:18:34,528
that look you up

551
00:18:34,563 --> 00:18:36,030
within an hour of meeting you.

552
00:18:36,064 --> 00:18:37,364
- Casey: Yes, I should wait

553
00:18:37,398 --> 00:18:38,365
until morning.

554
00:18:38,399 --> 00:18:39,533
- Tiffani: Then he'll think

555
00:18:39,568 --> 00:18:40,701
you obsessed about him

556
00:18:40,735 --> 00:18:41,702
all night.

557
00:18:41,736 --> 00:18:42,870
Don't you know anything

558
00:18:42,904 --> 00:18:43,871
about the internet?

559
00:18:43,905 --> 00:18:45,205
You should make a fake profile.

560
00:18:45,239 --> 00:18:46,206
- Casey: What?

561
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:47,374
- Tiffani: Pretend to be

562
00:18:47,408 --> 00:18:48,542
a total random stranger

563
00:18:48,577 --> 00:18:49,877
so you can find out

564
00:18:49,911 --> 00:18:51,045
all his personal details.

565
00:18:51,079 --> 00:18:52,212
People are honest

566
00:18:52,246 --> 00:18:53,213
with strangers.

567
00:18:53,247 --> 00:18:54,381
My fake name

568
00:18:54,415 --> 00:18:55,549
is Tittsy Montgomery.

569
00:18:55,584 --> 00:18:56,884
- Casey: I could find out

570
00:18:56,918 --> 00:18:57,885
if he wants

571
00:18:57,919 --> 00:18:58,886
a serious relationship.

572
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:00,387
- Tiffani: I was thinking more

573
00:19:00,421 --> 00:19:03,057
like cock size but whatever.

574
00:19:03,091 --> 00:19:04,692
You need the perfect

575
00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:07,027
fake picture

576
00:19:07,062 --> 00:19:09,697
and I know the perfect person.

577
00:19:11,299 --> 00:19:12,766
- Casey: Holy rim job,

578
00:19:12,801 --> 00:19:14,101
who is that?

579
00:19:14,135 --> 00:19:15,603
- Tiffani: My incredibly hot ex BF,

580
00:19:15,637 --> 00:19:16,604
Ryan.

581
00:19:16,638 --> 00:19:17,605
He's a stripper.

582
00:19:17,639 --> 00:19:18,939
He was supposed to be

583
00:19:18,974 --> 00:19:20,107
my rebound after Troy

584
00:19:20,141 --> 00:19:21,108
broke my heart

585
00:19:21,142 --> 00:19:22,442
but he has a good tongue,

586
00:19:22,477 --> 00:19:23,777
so I let him stay.

587
00:19:23,812 --> 00:19:25,112
- Casey: Why did you break up

588
00:19:25,146 --> 00:19:26,446
with that?

589
00:19:30,318 --> 00:19:31,619
- man: What if your boyfriend

590
00:19:31,653 --> 00:19:32,620
finds out?

591
00:19:32,654 --> 00:19:33,621
- Tiffani: We have

592
00:19:33,655 --> 00:19:34,622
an open relationship.

593
00:19:34,656 --> 00:19:35,956
- Ryan: Uhh, we do?

594
00:19:37,993 --> 00:19:39,793
- Tiffani: Ryan, this is not

595
00:19:39,828 --> 00:19:41,294
what it looks like.

596
00:19:41,496 --> 00:19:44,131
#

597
00:19:44,332 --> 00:19:46,466
- Ryan: Neither is this.

598
00:19:48,169 --> 00:19:49,637
- Tiffani: We had commitment issues.

599
00:19:49,671 --> 00:19:51,138
Anyway, he moved to Tucson

600
00:19:51,172 --> 00:19:52,305
so it's totally safe

601
00:19:52,340 --> 00:19:53,473
to use his pictures.

602
00:19:53,508 --> 00:19:54,975
- Casey: Why would I want Zack

603
00:19:55,010 --> 00:19:56,143
to talk to someone

604
00:19:56,177 --> 00:19:57,477
way hotter than I am.

605
00:19:57,512 --> 00:19:58,812
- Tiffani: When's the last time

606
00:19:58,847 --> 00:19:59,813
you opened up

607
00:19:59,848 --> 00:20:00,981
to an ugly stranger?

608
00:20:01,016 --> 00:20:02,149
Besides, you find out

609
00:20:02,183 --> 00:20:03,483
what you need to know,

610
00:20:03,518 --> 00:20:04,652
then Ryan will disappear.

611
00:20:04,686 --> 00:20:05,819
A fake profile

612
00:20:05,854 --> 00:20:07,655
is the perfect wingman.

613
00:20:07,689 --> 00:20:09,489
- Casey: Okay.

614
00:20:09,524 --> 00:20:10,991
Okay, let's do this.

615
00:20:11,026 --> 00:20:12,325
What's my name?

616
00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:14,327
- Ryan: Ryan.

617
00:20:14,362 --> 00:20:16,997
- Casey: Ryan.

618
00:20:17,032 --> 00:20:18,498
Do you agree to the following

619
00:20:18,533 --> 00:20:19,667
terms and conditions.

620
00:20:19,701 --> 00:20:20,668
Number one,

621
00:20:20,702 --> 00:20:21,669
GaySpaceBook.com...

622
00:20:21,703 --> 00:20:23,003
- Tiffani: Agree, you nerd!

623
00:20:23,038 --> 00:20:24,171
- Casey: You should really

624
00:20:24,205 --> 00:20:25,338
read these things,

625
00:20:25,373 --> 00:20:26,506
you never know.

626
00:20:26,541 --> 00:20:28,008
- Tiffani: What are you, a pilgrim?

627
00:20:28,043 --> 00:20:29,342
I bet you avoid

628
00:20:29,377 --> 00:20:31,645
handicap spaces. And vote.

629
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:33,380
- Casey: Favorite movie?

630
00:20:33,414 --> 00:20:36,050
Roman Holiday, of course.

631
00:20:36,084 --> 00:20:38,719
Straight acting or not?

632
00:20:38,753 --> 00:20:40,220
- Tiffani: Put, "I'm gay,

633
00:20:40,254 --> 00:20:41,722
"why should I act anything

634
00:20:41,756 --> 00:20:43,456
but what I am."

635
00:20:43,491 --> 00:20:44,958
- Casey: Oh, you are scary good,

636
00:20:44,993 --> 00:20:46,293
girl.

637
00:20:46,995 --> 00:20:50,297
- Zack: Come on, breakup sex.

638
00:20:50,331 --> 00:20:52,299
You are a hottie, let's hope

639
00:20:52,333 --> 00:20:53,967
you're next door

640
00:20:54,002 --> 00:20:55,669
cause I don't feel like driving.

641
00:20:55,870 --> 00:21:03,977
#

642
00:21:04,179 --> 00:21:10,150
blip-blip-blip-blip

643
00:21:10,518 --> 00:21:11,484
- Casey: Looking for?

644
00:21:11,519 --> 00:21:12,820
First I want to develop

645
00:21:12,854 --> 00:21:13,987
something special with you,

646
00:21:14,022 --> 00:21:15,322
then we fuck each other's

647
00:21:15,356 --> 00:21:16,323
brains out.

648
00:21:16,357 --> 00:21:17,324
Perfect combination

649
00:21:17,358 --> 00:21:18,658
of romantic and nasty, right?

650
00:21:18,693 --> 00:21:19,659
- Tiffani: Whatever,

651
00:21:19,694 --> 00:21:20,828
no one reads those,

652
00:21:20,862 --> 00:21:21,995
just write them.

653
00:21:22,330 --> 00:21:26,166
- Zack: Oh yeah, oh...

654
00:21:26,367 --> 00:21:35,342
#

655
00:21:35,543 --> 00:21:38,845
- Zack: Yummy.

656
00:21:38,879 --> 00:21:40,347
- Casey: Oh, my God, it's him.

657
00:21:40,381 --> 00:21:41,681
What do I do?

658
00:21:41,715 --> 00:21:43,183
What do I write?

659
00:21:43,217 --> 00:21:44,684
- Tiffani: Write what you know.

660
00:21:44,718 --> 00:21:46,653
Well, in your case, don't.

661
00:21:46,687 --> 00:21:48,388
- Casey: You're not helping.

662
00:21:48,589 --> 00:21:55,562
#

663
00:21:55,763 --> 00:21:57,230
- Zack: Gotta play it cool.

664
00:21:57,432 --> 00:21:59,399
#

665
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:00,733
- Tiffani: Hey.

666
00:22:00,768 --> 00:22:01,901
That's so romantic.

667
00:22:02,103 --> 00:22:06,739
#

668
00:22:06,941 --> 00:22:08,241
- Casey: Kindly help

669
00:22:08,276 --> 00:22:09,576
a broken hearted stranger

670
00:22:09,610 --> 00:22:11,078
with hours of meaningless sex!

671
00:22:11,112 --> 00:22:12,812
- Tiffani: Oh God, yes.

672
00:22:13,014 --> 00:22:21,989
#

673
00:22:22,190 --> 00:22:24,157
- Zack: So, get to know me.

674
00:22:24,192 --> 00:22:25,658
- Tiffani: Oh shit!

675
00:22:25,693 --> 00:22:26,826
Can he see us?

676
00:22:26,861 --> 00:22:27,995
- Casey: No.

677
00:22:28,029 --> 00:22:29,729
My camera's not on.

678
00:22:29,930 --> 00:22:31,731
#

679
00:22:31,966 --> 00:22:33,233
- Tiffani: Oh.

680
00:22:33,434 --> 00:22:39,539
#

681
00:22:39,773 --> 00:22:41,608
- Zack: Likely story.

682
00:22:41,642 --> 00:22:43,343
So, ask away.

683
00:22:46,180 --> 00:22:48,515
Thanks for starting off easy.

684
00:22:52,553 --> 00:22:54,354
I didn't want to put up

685
00:22:54,389 --> 00:22:55,355
with his shit anymore.

686
00:22:56,891 --> 00:22:58,525
You know how you tell yourself

687
00:22:58,559 --> 00:22:59,859
that it's gonna get better?

688
00:22:59,894 --> 00:23:01,028
You know it's not,

689
00:23:01,062 --> 00:23:02,195
but you hang on

690
00:23:02,230 --> 00:23:03,530
to any little good thing

691
00:23:03,564 --> 00:23:04,531
he does

692
00:23:04,565 --> 00:23:05,865
to prove that it might

693
00:23:05,900 --> 00:23:07,034
get better.

694
00:23:09,737 --> 00:23:11,038
Well, I guess

695
00:23:11,072 --> 00:23:12,205
there weren't any.

696
00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:13,540
Then it was just

697
00:23:13,574 --> 00:23:14,874
the really hot sex.

698
00:23:19,580 --> 00:23:21,048
Yeah.

699
00:23:21,249 --> 00:23:25,452
#

700
00:23:25,653 --> 00:23:26,786
How do you know

701
00:23:26,820 --> 00:23:28,288
what the little good things are?

702
00:23:28,489 --> 00:23:35,962
#

703
00:23:36,164 --> 00:23:37,864
Okay, try me.

704
00:23:39,900 --> 00:23:42,202
- Casey: You're an artist.

705
00:23:42,236 --> 00:23:44,204
I'd take you to a museum.

706
00:23:44,238 --> 00:23:45,705
You look like

707
00:23:45,739 --> 00:23:47,707
a basketball fan.

708
00:23:47,741 --> 00:23:49,709
Lakers tickets.

709
00:23:49,743 --> 00:23:53,713
Massage, good bottle of wine.

710
00:23:53,747 --> 00:23:55,215
And little things

711
00:23:55,249 --> 00:23:57,217
like bringing you

712
00:23:57,251 --> 00:23:58,885
something to drink

713
00:23:58,919 --> 00:24:00,554
without you having to ask.

714
00:24:00,754 --> 00:24:04,724
#

715
00:24:04,925 --> 00:24:06,393
- Tiffani: Well done, Ms. Cleo.

716
00:24:06,427 --> 00:24:07,727
- Zack: What can I do

717
00:24:07,761 --> 00:24:09,463
to get you to come over here

718
00:24:09,497 --> 00:24:10,630
right now.

719
00:24:10,664 --> 00:24:12,132
- Tiffani: Oh, strip.

720
00:24:15,002 --> 00:24:16,136
- Zack: Date?

721
00:24:16,170 --> 00:24:17,304
You already know me

722
00:24:17,338 --> 00:24:18,305
inside and out,

723
00:24:18,339 --> 00:24:19,639
I think I'm in love.

724
00:24:19,673 --> 00:24:20,807
Wait, I know.

725
00:24:23,844 --> 00:24:26,146
If you don't come over...

726
00:24:26,180 --> 00:24:28,148
- Casey: He is not!

727
00:24:28,182 --> 00:24:29,649
- Zack: Here's

728
00:24:29,683 --> 00:24:31,618
what you'll be missing.

729
00:24:33,154 --> 00:24:34,621
- Tiffani: Get out of my way!

730
00:24:34,655 --> 00:24:36,389
Holy clit!

731
00:24:36,424 --> 00:24:38,125
- Casey: Oh, my God.

732
00:24:38,159 --> 00:24:39,626
- Zack: Oh shit.

733
00:24:39,660 --> 00:24:41,128
- Casey: I cannot believe...

734
00:24:41,162 --> 00:24:42,629
- Tiffani: You spilled

735
00:24:42,663 --> 00:24:44,964
your Sunny Delight.

736
00:24:44,999 --> 00:24:46,466
How could you?

737
00:24:46,501 --> 00:24:48,468
- Casey: You owe me a computer!

738
00:24:48,503 --> 00:24:50,370
And a boyfriend.

739
00:24:52,406 --> 00:24:53,640
- Tiffani: He's a fake.

740
00:24:53,674 --> 00:24:54,892
No one can be that hot

741
00:24:54,926 --> 00:24:55,893
and that nice,

742
00:24:55,927 --> 00:24:57,060
it's against the nature.

743
00:24:57,094 --> 00:24:58,395
- Zack: But he has tons

744
00:24:58,429 --> 00:24:59,396
of profile pictures,

745
00:24:59,430 --> 00:25:00,564
he must be real.

746
00:25:00,598 --> 00:25:01,732
- Tiffani: You still believe

747
00:25:01,766 --> 00:25:02,900
The Hills is real.

748
00:25:02,934 --> 00:25:04,234
- Zack: If he was a fake,

749
00:25:04,268 --> 00:25:05,569
he would've watched me jack off.

750
00:25:05,603 --> 00:25:06,904
- Tiffani: I just threw up

751
00:25:06,938 --> 00:25:08,572
a little bit in my pussy.

752
00:25:15,279 --> 00:25:16,580
- Tiffani: Maybe it's not

753
00:25:16,614 --> 00:25:18,916
a good idea for us to hang out?

754
00:25:18,950 --> 00:25:20,250
I don't believe you.

755
00:25:20,284 --> 00:25:21,585
- Casey: Zack's single now,

756
00:25:21,619 --> 00:25:22,920
so the reason we invented Ryan

757
00:25:22,954 --> 00:25:23,921
doesn't matter anymore.

758
00:25:23,955 --> 00:25:25,255
I mean, why keep up

759
00:25:25,289 --> 00:25:26,256
the charade?

760
00:25:26,290 --> 00:25:27,758
- Tiffani: Why email him at all?

761
00:25:27,792 --> 00:25:28,759
Just disappear.

762
00:25:28,793 --> 00:25:29,760
You're still

763
00:25:29,794 --> 00:25:30,928
pretending to be Ryan,

764
00:25:30,962 --> 00:25:32,262
even if it is just

765
00:25:32,296 --> 00:25:33,263
to dump him.

766
00:25:33,297 --> 00:25:34,598
- Casey: I'm just being polite.

767
00:25:34,632 --> 00:25:35,933
- Tiffani: You're just keeping him

768
00:25:35,967 --> 00:25:37,434
and his pretty dick hanging on,

769
00:25:37,468 --> 00:25:38,769
so you still have access

770
00:25:38,803 --> 00:25:39,937
to him

771
00:25:39,971 --> 00:25:41,271
in case he doesn't go

772
00:25:41,305 --> 00:25:42,439
for exhibit A.

773
00:25:42,473 --> 00:25:43,607
- Casey: You're right.

774
00:25:43,641 --> 00:25:45,108
If he normally gets prime rib

775
00:25:45,142 --> 00:25:46,276
like Ryan,

776
00:25:46,310 --> 00:25:47,945
why would he settle for...

777
00:25:49,814 --> 00:25:51,448
- Tiffani: Turkey burger?

778
00:25:51,649 --> 00:25:56,620
#

779
00:25:57,321 --> 00:25:58,622
- Zack: I blew it, Mr. Fake

780
00:25:58,656 --> 00:25:59,790
doesn't wanna meet me.

781
00:25:59,824 --> 00:26:01,124
- Tiffani: Because he's not real.

782
00:26:01,158 --> 00:26:02,459
- Zack: I came on too strong.

783
00:26:02,493 --> 00:26:03,794
- Tiffani: Gay men hate guys

784
00:26:03,828 --> 00:26:04,795
who do that.

785
00:26:04,829 --> 00:26:05,963
- Zack: He was trying

786
00:26:05,997 --> 00:26:07,297
to get to know me

787
00:26:07,331 --> 00:26:08,632
but I went from zero

788
00:26:08,666 --> 00:26:09,633
to sixty-nine.

789
00:26:09,667 --> 00:26:10,968
- Tiffani: There are millions of men

790
00:26:11,002 --> 00:26:12,135
who can fuck first

791
00:26:12,169 --> 00:26:13,470
and then fall in love.

792
00:26:13,504 --> 00:26:14,972
- Zack: But I don't want other men,

793
00:26:15,006 --> 00:26:15,973
I want him.

794
00:26:16,007 --> 00:26:17,307
- Tiffani: My mom warned me

795
00:26:17,341 --> 00:26:19,309
I was turning into a fag hag.

796
00:26:19,343 --> 00:26:20,811
- Zack: You're not a fag hag.

797
00:26:20,845 --> 00:26:22,479
- Tiffani: I'm gonna be a fat spinster

798
00:26:22,513 --> 00:26:23,647
whose only sexual outlet

799
00:26:23,681 --> 00:26:24,982
is sucking off drunken homos.

800
00:26:25,016 --> 00:26:26,483
- Zack: You'd suck me off

801
00:26:26,517 --> 00:26:28,318
if I were drunk, right?

802
00:26:28,352 --> 00:26:29,987
- Tiffani: My fag hag days

803
00:26:30,021 --> 00:26:31,321
are over.

804
00:26:31,522 --> 00:26:35,492
#

805
00:26:35,693 --> 00:26:36,660
- Tiffani: Now separate

806
00:26:36,694 --> 00:26:37,661
the finger nails

807
00:26:37,695 --> 00:26:38,829
from the toe nails.

808
00:26:38,863 --> 00:26:39,830
- Casey: Ew, what?

809
00:26:39,864 --> 00:26:40,831
- Tiffani: Busy work.

810
00:26:40,865 --> 00:26:41,832
You still have

811
00:26:41,866 --> 00:26:42,833
fifteen minutes left.

812
00:26:42,867 --> 00:26:44,167
- Casey: I must get ready

813
00:26:44,201 --> 00:26:45,168
for my date.

814
00:26:45,202 --> 00:26:46,503
- Tiffani: It's not a date,

815
00:26:46,537 --> 00:26:47,504
queef-cake.

816
00:26:47,538 --> 00:26:48,672
- Casey: It's a date,

817
00:26:48,706 --> 00:26:50,007
he just doesn't know it yet.

818
00:26:50,041 --> 00:26:51,508
- Tiffani: My, my, look who went

819
00:26:51,542 --> 00:26:52,843
and downloaded some balls.

820
00:26:52,877 --> 00:26:54,177
- Casey: He might've seen

821
00:26:54,211 --> 00:26:55,846
Ryan's picture online

822
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:57,180
last night,

823
00:26:57,214 --> 00:26:58,682
but he was talking to me.

824
00:26:58,716 --> 00:27:00,183
We have a connection.

825
00:27:00,217 --> 00:27:01,685
At least we will

826
00:27:01,719 --> 00:27:03,520
by the end of the night.

827
00:27:03,721 --> 00:27:09,359
#

828
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:10,861
- Tiffani: Fuck, I've got

829
00:27:10,895 --> 00:27:12,029
to see this.

830
00:27:17,568 --> 00:27:26,525
#

831
00:27:27,895 --> 00:27:29,028
- Zack: Sorry I'm late.

832
00:27:29,063 --> 00:27:30,196
- Casey: Oh, no problem,

833
00:27:30,231 --> 00:27:31,865
I had nothing else to do.

834
00:27:31,899 --> 00:27:33,032
Wait, that sounds bad.

835
00:27:33,067 --> 00:27:34,367
- Zack: No it doesn't,

836
00:27:34,401 --> 00:27:35,869
you just moved here.

837
00:27:35,903 --> 00:27:38,872
- Casey: I...I drafted up

838
00:27:38,906 --> 00:27:40,373
some ideas

839
00:27:40,407 --> 00:27:42,108
for the male sale flyers.

840
00:27:44,145 --> 00:27:46,112
I Google-imaged you.

841
00:27:46,147 --> 00:27:47,613
- Zack: Whoa, these are great.

842
00:27:47,648 --> 00:27:48,782
Thanks for giving me

843
00:27:48,816 --> 00:27:49,783
extra abs.

844
00:27:49,817 --> 00:27:50,950
- Casey: Those are yours

845
00:27:50,985 --> 00:27:52,118
and you know it.

846
00:27:52,153 --> 00:27:53,452
- Zack: Thanks for the ego boost,

847
00:27:53,487 --> 00:27:54,788
I could really use one

848
00:27:54,822 --> 00:27:55,955
right about now.

849
00:27:55,990 --> 00:27:57,290
- Casey: I'm sorry

850
00:27:57,324 --> 00:27:58,624
about your breakup.

851
00:27:58,659 --> 00:27:59,959
- Zack: How did you know?

852
00:27:59,994 --> 00:28:01,127
- Casey: Oh! I...

853
00:28:01,162 --> 00:28:02,128
- Zack: Lionel?

854
00:28:02,163 --> 00:28:03,462
He's a big fucking mouth.

855
00:28:03,497 --> 00:28:04,864
- Casey: That's one of the reasons

856
00:28:04,899 --> 00:28:06,365
I don't like the gay community.

857
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:07,867
- Zack: I think the gay community

858
00:28:07,902 --> 00:28:09,035
is more diverse

859
00:28:09,069 --> 00:28:10,369
than you give it credit for.

860
00:28:10,404 --> 00:28:11,704
- Casey: Well, I think he's crazy

861
00:28:11,738 --> 00:28:13,039
for breaking up with you.

862
00:28:13,073 --> 00:28:14,540
- Zack: I broke up with him.

863
00:28:14,574 --> 00:28:15,708
- Casey: Sorry.

864
00:28:15,742 --> 00:28:17,043
- Zack: No big deal.

865
00:28:17,077 --> 00:28:18,544
He's not what's bothering me.

866
00:28:18,578 --> 00:28:19,879
I met this guy online

867
00:28:19,914 --> 00:28:21,714
last night, Ryan, oh, my God.

868
00:28:21,748 --> 00:28:23,049
You have never seen

869
00:28:23,083 --> 00:28:24,383
anything like him,

870
00:28:24,418 --> 00:28:26,052
and he was so totally into me

871
00:28:26,086 --> 00:28:27,386
until I blew it.

872
00:28:27,421 --> 00:28:28,888
- Casey: You think you blew it?

873
00:28:28,923 --> 00:28:30,223
- Zack: Yeah, I got too sexual.

874
00:28:30,257 --> 00:28:31,224
A fatal flaw.

875
00:28:31,258 --> 00:28:32,558
- Casey: Well, if he was just

876
00:28:32,592 --> 00:28:33,893
a hot body, those are...

877
00:28:33,928 --> 00:28:35,228
- Zack: It was more than that.

878
00:28:35,262 --> 00:28:36,896
This guy connected with me.

879
00:28:36,931 --> 00:28:38,397
He was smart and funny

880
00:28:38,432 --> 00:28:39,899
and he knew me.

881
00:28:39,934 --> 00:28:41,234
- Casey: He sounds too good

882
00:28:41,268 --> 00:28:42,568
to be true.

883
00:28:42,602 --> 00:28:43,736
- Zack: Yeah, he probably

884
00:28:43,770 --> 00:28:45,071
is fake.

885
00:28:45,105 --> 00:28:46,239
I can't believe

886
00:28:46,273 --> 00:28:47,573
I'm telling you all this.

887
00:28:47,607 --> 00:28:49,075
I normally don't talk to guys

888
00:28:49,109 --> 00:28:50,243
about my social life.

889
00:28:50,277 --> 00:28:51,244
- Casey: You seem

890
00:28:51,278 --> 00:28:52,245
pretty comfortable.

891
00:28:52,279 --> 00:28:53,579
- Zack: You make me feel

892
00:28:53,613 --> 00:28:55,081
comfortable, Casey.

893
00:28:55,115 --> 00:28:56,582
- Casey: Hey, maybe sometime

894
00:28:56,616 --> 00:28:58,084
you and I could...

895
00:28:59,119 --> 00:29:00,753
- Zack: Oh my God, that's him.

896
00:29:00,955 --> 00:29:03,589
#

897
00:29:03,790 --> 00:29:04,924
How do I look?

898
00:29:04,959 --> 00:29:05,925
- Casey: Huh?

899
00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:07,093
- Zack: How do I look?

900
00:29:07,127 --> 00:29:08,094
- Casey: Uh...gorgeous.

901
00:29:08,128 --> 00:29:09,095
Are you sure...

902
00:29:09,129 --> 00:29:10,263
- Zack: Wish me luck.

903
00:29:10,464 --> 00:29:12,431
#

904
00:29:12,632 --> 00:29:14,100
- Casey: Good fucking luck.

905
00:29:15,702 --> 00:29:17,670
- Zack: Hey, Ryan1989.

906
00:29:17,704 --> 00:29:19,672
- Ryan: Hey...you.

907
00:29:19,706 --> 00:29:21,174
- Zack: I was beginning to think

908
00:29:21,208 --> 00:29:22,342
you were imaginary like

909
00:29:22,376 --> 00:29:24,077
a smurf or something.

910
00:29:24,111 --> 00:29:26,579
- Ryan: Nope, I'm all real.

911
00:29:26,613 --> 00:29:28,581
- Zack: You can say that again.

912
00:29:28,615 --> 00:29:29,749
- Ryan: Mind if I don't?

913
00:29:29,950 --> 00:29:48,935
#

914
00:29:49,136 --> 00:29:50,270
- Zack: We're both here,

915
00:29:50,304 --> 00:29:51,604
you wanna give this a shot

916
00:29:51,638 --> 00:29:52,939
and go out some night?

917
00:29:52,973 --> 00:29:54,107
- Ryan: Uuh...

918
00:29:54,308 --> 00:29:55,775
#

919
00:29:55,976 --> 00:29:58,278
- Tiffani: Ryan, look who's back.

920
00:29:58,312 --> 00:30:00,280
Don't they have stripper poles

921
00:30:00,314 --> 00:30:01,614
in Tucson?

922
00:30:01,648 --> 00:30:03,116
- Ryan: Tiffany, did you get

923
00:30:03,150 --> 00:30:04,617
a boob job?

924
00:30:04,651 --> 00:30:06,119
- Tiffani: No, I'm still saving up.

925
00:30:06,153 --> 00:30:07,620
- Casey: What's going on?

926
00:30:07,654 --> 00:30:09,122
- Zack: Casey, this is Ryan

927
00:30:09,156 --> 00:30:10,456
from the Internet.

928
00:30:10,490 --> 00:30:11,791
You look so much better

929
00:30:11,825 --> 00:30:13,526
than your pictures, doesn't he?

930
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:16,529
- Tiffani: Now, how would Casey

931
00:30:16,563 --> 00:30:18,531
have seen Ryan's cute

932
00:30:18,565 --> 00:30:20,866
little disco boy picture.

933
00:30:20,901 --> 00:30:22,868
- Ryan: Yeah, you mean

934
00:30:22,903 --> 00:30:24,370
my picture with the headband

935
00:30:24,405 --> 00:30:25,871
and yellow gym shorts.

936
00:30:25,906 --> 00:30:27,373
- Zack: Yellow mesh gym shorts.

937
00:30:27,408 --> 00:30:28,707
Rarrr.

938
00:30:28,742 --> 00:30:30,209
And then there's that one

939
00:30:30,244 --> 00:30:31,710
where you're on the beach

940
00:30:31,745 --> 00:30:33,046
with some blond chick

941
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:34,213
and your bulge.

942
00:30:34,248 --> 00:30:36,882
- Tiffani: Yeah, Ryan loves

943
00:30:36,917 --> 00:30:38,217
nailing blonds.

944
00:30:38,252 --> 00:30:39,718
- Ryan: Yeah, but I love

945
00:30:39,753 --> 00:30:41,387
nailing brunettes, too.

946
00:30:41,422 --> 00:30:42,721
- Tiffani: Brunette women,

947
00:30:42,756 --> 00:30:43,889
Ryan's straight,

948
00:30:43,924 --> 00:30:45,058
we used to fuck.

949
00:30:45,092 --> 00:30:46,225
I took that picture.

950
00:30:46,260 --> 00:30:47,393
- Zack: He wasn't straight

951
00:30:47,428 --> 00:30:48,561
last night.

952
00:30:48,595 --> 00:30:49,728
- Ryan: Yeah, after

953
00:30:49,763 --> 00:30:50,896
fucking Tiffani

954
00:30:50,931 --> 00:30:52,398
I just gave up on women.

955
00:30:52,433 --> 00:30:54,400
It happens to you a lot, huh?

956
00:30:54,435 --> 00:30:55,734
- Tiffani: Oh, you little cum monkey.

957
00:30:55,769 --> 00:30:57,236
- Ryan: So, let's give this

958
00:30:57,271 --> 00:30:58,737
a shot.

959
00:30:58,772 --> 00:31:01,074
When do you want to hang out?

960
00:31:03,777 --> 00:31:05,078
- Casey: Ugh, this sucks.

961
00:31:05,112 --> 00:31:06,412
I just set up

962
00:31:06,447 --> 00:31:07,746
the hottest couple

963
00:31:07,781 --> 00:31:09,082
in the universe.

964
00:31:09,116 --> 00:31:10,416
When their hot muscled bodies

965
00:31:10,451 --> 00:31:11,584
come together,

966
00:31:11,618 --> 00:31:12,918
they'll probably form

967
00:31:12,953 --> 00:31:14,253
like Voltron or something.

968
00:31:14,288 --> 00:31:15,254
- Tiffani: He's lying.

969
00:31:15,289 --> 00:31:16,255
If Ryan's gay,

970
00:31:16,290 --> 00:31:17,590
I'll eat my own twat.

971
00:31:17,624 --> 00:31:19,092
- Casey: What kind of straight guy

972
00:31:19,126 --> 00:31:20,259
goes on a date

973
00:31:20,294 --> 00:31:21,260
with another man?

974
00:31:21,295 --> 00:31:22,595
- Tiffani: He was a stripper

975
00:31:22,629 --> 00:31:23,762
at a gay bar.

976
00:31:23,797 --> 00:31:25,098
He would clean a toilet

977
00:31:25,132 --> 00:31:26,599
with his dick for a dollar.

978
00:31:26,633 --> 00:31:27,600
He's just trying

979
00:31:27,634 --> 00:31:28,934
to get back at me.

980
00:31:28,969 --> 00:31:29,935
- Casey: Oh...

981
00:31:29,970 --> 00:31:31,270
Zack wanna talk to me

982
00:31:31,305 --> 00:31:32,605
about what they should do

983
00:31:32,639 --> 00:31:33,939
on their Barbie dream date

984
00:31:33,974 --> 00:31:35,274
because I make him feel

985
00:31:35,309 --> 00:31:36,909
comfortable.

986
00:31:36,943 --> 00:31:38,577
- Tiffani: No smiley.

987
00:31:38,612 --> 00:31:40,079
This is serious.

988
00:31:40,114 --> 00:31:42,081
My God, you're like

989
00:31:42,116 --> 00:31:45,751
his fag hag now.

990
00:31:45,785 --> 00:31:47,953
- Casey: I hate my life.

991
00:31:48,155 --> 00:32:03,986
#

992
00:32:04,188 --> 00:32:05,322
- Zack: Casey, great,

993
00:32:05,356 --> 00:32:07,290
you can do my back.

994
00:32:07,325 --> 00:32:09,459
Oh my God, are you ok?

995
00:32:09,493 --> 00:32:11,294
- Casey: Yeah, it's just

996
00:32:11,329 --> 00:32:13,296
a little ouchy, that's all.

997
00:32:13,331 --> 00:32:14,631
- Zack: Ouchy?

998
00:32:14,665 --> 00:32:16,299
- Casey: Never mind, it's fine.

999
00:32:16,334 --> 00:32:18,635
- Zack: Good. Squirt me.

1000
00:32:18,669 --> 00:32:20,970
- Casey: Okay.

1001
00:32:22,340 --> 00:32:23,640
- Zack: God, I'm as nervous

1002
00:32:23,674 --> 00:32:24,641
as Isaiah Washington's

1003
00:32:24,675 --> 00:32:25,642
hairdresser.

1004
00:32:25,676 --> 00:32:26,810
- Casey: About the date?

1005
00:32:26,844 --> 00:32:28,144
- Zack: Yes, about the date.

1006
00:32:28,178 --> 00:32:29,646
He was so hot and cold

1007
00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:30,647
at the café.

1008
00:32:30,681 --> 00:32:31,815
Isn't he cute?

1009
00:32:31,849 --> 00:32:33,149
- Casey: I'm not really

1010
00:32:33,183 --> 00:32:35,151
into guys that...hot.

1011
00:32:35,185 --> 00:32:36,486
- Zack: Really?

1012
00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:37,821
Okay, your turn.

1013
00:32:37,855 --> 00:32:39,155
- Casey: Oh, I'm not

1014
00:32:39,189 --> 00:32:40,890
a taking off my shirt in public

1015
00:32:40,924 --> 00:32:41,891
kind of guy.

1016
00:32:41,925 --> 00:32:43,393
- Zack: Don't tell me you have

1017
00:32:43,427 --> 00:32:44,394
body issues.

1018
00:32:44,428 --> 00:32:45,895
Take it off or I will.

1019
00:32:45,929 --> 00:32:47,063
- Casey: Okay, okay.

1020
00:32:47,097 --> 00:32:48,565
You know, when we, mere mortals,

1021
00:32:48,599 --> 00:32:49,899
are around gods like you,

1022
00:32:49,933 --> 00:32:51,067
how can we not...

1023
00:32:51,101 --> 00:32:52,235
- Zack: Please, you've got

1024
00:32:52,269 --> 00:32:53,403
a great body.

1025
00:32:53,437 --> 00:32:54,738
And, besides, some guys

1026
00:32:54,772 --> 00:32:56,406
like 'em not all exercised.

1027
00:32:56,440 --> 00:32:57,741
Here.

1028
00:32:57,775 --> 00:32:59,075
So what should I do

1029
00:32:59,109 --> 00:33:00,076
on my date?

1030
00:33:00,110 --> 00:33:01,411
- Casey: You mean besides sex?

1031
00:33:01,445 --> 00:33:03,246
- Zack: I don't want it to be

1032
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:04,247
about sex.

1033
00:33:04,281 --> 00:33:05,415
When we chatted online

1034
00:33:05,449 --> 00:33:06,750
he had all these ideas

1035
00:33:06,784 --> 00:33:08,084
for great things to do

1036
00:33:08,118 --> 00:33:09,419
and I wanna come up

1037
00:33:09,453 --> 00:33:10,754
with some great idea, too.

1038
00:33:10,788 --> 00:33:12,255
- Casey: Ok, well what's your dream

1039
00:33:12,289 --> 00:33:13,256
first date?

1040
00:33:13,290 --> 00:33:14,758
- Zack: Wow, I guess I never

1041
00:33:14,792 --> 00:33:15,925
really thought about it.

1042
00:33:15,959 --> 00:33:17,093
- Casey: You've never fantasized

1043
00:33:17,127 --> 00:33:18,428
about the perfect first date?

1044
00:33:18,462 --> 00:33:19,763
- Zack: I was too busy

1045
00:33:19,797 --> 00:33:20,930
going on real dates.

1046
00:33:20,964 --> 00:33:22,098
- Casey: Asshole.

1047
00:33:22,132 --> 00:33:23,266
- Zack: Well, clearly

1048
00:33:23,300 --> 00:33:24,768
someone's thought about it.

1049
00:33:24,802 --> 00:33:26,102
Tell me yours, Romeo.

1050
00:33:26,136 --> 00:33:27,103
- Casey: Okay.

1051
00:33:27,137 --> 00:33:28,438
We're in Italy, well, Rome.

1052
00:33:28,472 --> 00:33:29,606
- Zack: Oh, my God,

1053
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:30,607
are you serious?

1054
00:33:30,641 --> 00:33:31,775
I'm obsessed with Italy.

1055
00:33:31,809 --> 00:33:32,776
- Casey: You are?

1056
00:33:32,810 --> 00:33:34,110
- Zack: Yeah, I've been wanting

1057
00:33:34,144 --> 00:33:35,278
to go to Italy

1058
00:33:35,312 --> 00:33:36,613
since I was like three.

1059
00:33:36,647 --> 00:33:37,781
I'm going after graduation

1060
00:33:37,815 --> 00:33:39,282
if I can save enough cash.

1061
00:33:39,316 --> 00:33:40,617
I've got like $3,200 saved

1062
00:33:40,651 --> 00:33:41,785
so far.

1063
00:33:41,819 --> 00:33:43,286
- Casey: I can't wait to go.

1064
00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:44,287
Someday.

1065
00:33:44,321 --> 00:33:45,622
- Zack: Well, I can't exactly

1066
00:33:45,656 --> 00:33:46,956
take Ryan to Italy tonight.

1067
00:33:46,990 --> 00:33:48,625
So, do you got any dream dates

1068
00:33:48,659 --> 00:33:49,959
that are a little more

1069
00:33:49,993 --> 00:33:51,294
practical?

1070
00:33:51,328 --> 00:33:53,296
- Casey: Okay, well my dream date,

1071
00:33:53,330 --> 00:33:54,964
it's intimate.

1072
00:33:54,998 --> 00:33:56,966
Like I make him dinner

1073
00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:58,301
so it's personal.

1074
00:33:58,335 --> 00:33:59,636
- Zack: Yeah, something

1075
00:33:59,670 --> 00:34:00,804
at your place,

1076
00:34:00,838 --> 00:34:02,138
just the two of you,

1077
00:34:02,172 --> 00:34:03,306
no distractions.

1078
00:34:03,340 --> 00:34:04,808
- Casey: Yeah, and maybe I'd have

1079
00:34:04,842 --> 00:34:06,309
a fun theme for the meal.

1080
00:34:06,343 --> 00:34:07,477
- Zack: Italian.

1081
00:34:07,511 --> 00:34:08,645
- Casey: Perfetto.

1082
00:34:08,679 --> 00:34:10,146
- Zack: Pasta, pinot grigio,

1083
00:34:10,180 --> 00:34:11,648
some funky Italian music.

1084
00:34:11,682 --> 00:34:13,149
- Casey: That's all I'd need

1085
00:34:13,183 --> 00:34:15,151
because the best first dates

1086
00:34:15,185 --> 00:34:16,653
are the ones

1087
00:34:16,687 --> 00:34:18,154
where the conversation's

1088
00:34:18,188 --> 00:34:19,823
just really easy.

1089
00:34:19,857 --> 00:34:21,324
- Zack: And it flows cause

1090
00:34:21,358 --> 00:34:22,492
you're both listening

1091
00:34:22,526 --> 00:34:23,660
to each other

1092
00:34:23,694 --> 00:34:24,828
like you're focused.

1093
00:34:24,862 --> 00:34:26,162
- Casey: And there are

1094
00:34:26,196 --> 00:34:27,330
those moments

1095
00:34:27,364 --> 00:34:28,665
when you're looking

1096
00:34:28,699 --> 00:34:31,000
into each other's eyes,

1097
00:34:31,034 --> 00:34:32,836
wondering if maybe he's thinking

1098
00:34:32,870 --> 00:34:34,170
the same thing.

1099
00:34:34,204 --> 00:34:35,672
- Zack: That sometime tonight

1100
00:34:35,706 --> 00:34:37,006
we're gonna...

1101
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:38,842
- Casey: Kiss.

1102
00:34:39,042 --> 00:34:55,024
#

1103
00:34:55,225 --> 00:34:56,526
- Zack: Exactly.

1104
00:34:56,560 --> 00:34:57,694
Kiss.

1105
00:34:57,728 --> 00:34:59,028
Oh my God!

1106
00:34:59,062 --> 00:35:00,196
- Casey: What?

1107
00:35:00,230 --> 00:35:01,531
- Zack: You totally inspired me,

1108
00:35:01,565 --> 00:35:02,866
I have the perfect date.

1109
00:35:02,900 --> 00:35:03,867
Scoot.

1110
00:35:03,901 --> 00:35:05,201
He's not gonna know

1111
00:35:05,235 --> 00:35:06,369
what hit him.

1112
00:35:06,403 --> 00:35:07,704
I can't thank you enough.

1113
00:35:07,905 --> 00:35:10,039
#

1114
00:35:10,240 --> 00:35:11,708
- Casey: Well, text me

1115
00:35:11,742 --> 00:35:13,209
if you need help!

1116
00:35:13,243 --> 00:35:14,711
Text me if you need help.

1117
00:35:14,912 --> 00:35:30,059
#

1118
00:35:30,260 --> 00:35:32,729
[phone ringing]

1119
00:35:34,097 --> 00:35:35,231
- Ryan: If you're trying

1120
00:35:35,265 --> 00:35:36,733
to stop me, it won't work.

1121
00:35:36,767 --> 00:35:37,901
- Tiffani: If you think

1122
00:35:37,935 --> 00:35:39,402
going on a fake gay date

1123
00:35:39,436 --> 00:35:40,570
will make me jealous,

1124
00:35:40,604 --> 00:35:41,571
you're dumber

1125
00:35:41,605 --> 00:35:42,906
than a flock of Palins.

1126
00:35:42,940 --> 00:35:44,240
- Ryan: I don't want that,

1127
00:35:44,274 --> 00:35:45,742
I just wanna piss you off.

1128
00:35:45,776 --> 00:35:46,910
- Tiffani: You cheated too!

1129
00:35:46,944 --> 00:35:48,244
- Ryan: It's not about that,

1130
00:35:48,278 --> 00:35:49,579
it's about you putting pubes

1131
00:35:49,613 --> 00:35:50,747
in my protein powder

1132
00:35:50,781 --> 00:35:51,748
the next day.

1133
00:35:51,782 --> 00:35:53,082
- Tiffani: They weren't even mine.

1134
00:35:53,116 --> 00:35:54,250
- Ryan: And poking holes

1135
00:35:54,284 --> 00:35:55,418
in my contact lenses,

1136
00:35:55,452 --> 00:35:57,420
Putting crabs in my drawer.

1137
00:35:57,454 --> 00:35:58,922
And using my toothbrush

1138
00:35:58,956 --> 00:36:00,089
to clean the...

1139
00:36:00,123 --> 00:36:02,224
- Tiffani: Ok, I'm a jealous woman.

1140
00:36:02,259 --> 00:36:04,226
But at least I feel something.

1141
00:36:04,261 --> 00:36:06,228
You're an emotionless stripper

1142
00:36:06,263 --> 00:36:07,564
who uses his body

1143
00:36:07,598 --> 00:36:08,731
as a bargaining chip.

1144
00:36:08,766 --> 00:36:09,899
And that's not gonna

1145
00:36:09,934 --> 00:36:11,067
get you anything

1146
00:36:11,101 --> 00:36:12,334
but a dirty dollar bill

1147
00:36:12,369 --> 00:36:13,836
shoved up your ass.

1148
00:36:13,871 --> 00:36:15,838
- Ryan: You're fat.

1149
00:36:15,873 --> 00:36:17,173
Have a good night.

1150
00:36:17,207 --> 00:36:19,175
I know I will.

1151
00:36:19,543 --> 00:36:25,848
#

1152
00:36:26,216 --> 00:36:28,184
[doorbell ringing]

1153
00:36:28,552 --> 00:36:33,690
#

1154
00:36:34,058 --> 00:36:35,692
- Zack: Ryan, right on time.

1155
00:36:35,726 --> 00:36:37,526
- Ryan: Hey, look,

1156
00:36:37,561 --> 00:36:38,795
I gotta talk to you

1157
00:36:38,829 --> 00:36:39,963
about this Internet thing.

1158
00:36:39,997 --> 00:36:41,230
- Zack: I know, me too,

1159
00:36:41,264 --> 00:36:43,900
come on in.

1160
00:36:43,934 --> 00:36:45,167
I saw on your profile

1161
00:36:45,202 --> 00:36:46,335
that Roman Holiday

1162
00:36:46,369 --> 00:36:47,503
is your favorite movie.

1163
00:36:47,537 --> 00:36:48,671
It's also mine.

1164
00:36:48,706 --> 00:36:49,839
So I've got

1165
00:36:49,873 --> 00:36:51,340
a special little tour for you,

1166
00:36:51,374 --> 00:36:52,508
come on.

1167
00:36:52,542 --> 00:36:53,676
As you know,

1168
00:36:53,711 --> 00:36:54,844
when Audrey Hepburn

1169
00:36:54,878 --> 00:36:56,112
sneaks out of the consulate,

1170
00:36:56,146 --> 00:36:57,279
Gregory Peck shows her

1171
00:36:57,314 --> 00:36:58,447
the sights of Rome.

1172
00:36:58,482 --> 00:36:59,616
So here we have

1173
00:36:59,650 --> 00:37:00,783
the Sistine Chapel,

1174
00:37:00,818 --> 00:37:02,785
painted by Michelangelo.

1175
00:37:02,820 --> 00:37:05,622
Italian wine.

1176
00:37:09,159 --> 00:37:11,794
Next we have an exact replica

1177
00:37:11,829 --> 00:37:14,463
of the Trevi Fountain.

1178
00:37:14,832 --> 00:37:17,634
[water running]

1179
00:37:18,002 --> 00:37:20,302
- Ryan: That's pretty cool.

1180
00:37:20,337 --> 00:37:21,804
- Zack: And our last stop

1181
00:37:21,839 --> 00:37:23,973
is the mouth of truth,

1182
00:37:24,008 --> 00:37:25,141
you know,

1183
00:37:25,175 --> 00:37:26,308
the most famous scene

1184
00:37:26,343 --> 00:37:27,476
in the movie.

1185
00:37:27,511 --> 00:37:28,645
- Ryan: Yeah.

1186
00:37:28,679 --> 00:37:29,912
- Zack: So put your hand

1187
00:37:29,947 --> 00:37:31,080
in its mouth

1188
00:37:31,115 --> 00:37:32,581
and if you're lying to me

1189
00:37:32,616 --> 00:37:34,316
it'll get bitten off.

1190
00:37:34,351 --> 00:37:35,818
And don't tell my landlord

1191
00:37:35,853 --> 00:37:38,821
about the hole.

1192
00:37:42,526 --> 00:37:43,660
- Zack: Rarrr!

1193
00:37:43,694 --> 00:37:44,927
- Ryan: You scared the shit

1194
00:37:44,962 --> 00:37:46,095
out of me!

1195
00:37:46,130 --> 00:37:47,363
- Zack: Your hand's still here.

1196
00:37:47,397 --> 00:37:50,700
I knew you wouldn't lie to me.

1197
00:37:50,734 --> 00:37:52,535
- Ryan: You're an amazing guy

1198
00:37:52,569 --> 00:37:54,871
and I don't deserve you.

1199
00:37:54,905 --> 00:37:56,873
I gotta go.

1200
00:38:00,577 --> 00:38:03,212
- Casey: Text me, text me,

1201
00:38:03,246 --> 00:38:05,048
text me, text me.

1202
00:38:05,415 --> 00:38:07,216
[phone beeping]

1203
00:38:09,252 --> 00:38:12,221
I love you, Zack!

1204
00:38:12,589 --> 00:38:15,892
#

1205
00:38:16,259 --> 00:38:17,994
- Zack: It's nice to have a friend

1206
00:38:18,028 --> 00:38:19,162
who will listen

1207
00:38:19,196 --> 00:38:20,329
to my romantic problems.

1208
00:38:20,363 --> 00:38:22,098
- Casey: I told you to text me

1209
00:38:22,132 --> 00:38:23,866
if you needed help and you did.

1210
00:38:23,901 --> 00:38:25,134
And I'm here to help.

1211
00:38:25,169 --> 00:38:26,402
- Zack: Can you help me

1212
00:38:26,436 --> 00:38:28,404
find a boyfriend?

1213
00:38:30,273 --> 00:38:31,407
- Casey: Oh my God,

1214
00:38:31,441 --> 00:38:34,577
is that the mouth of truth?

1215
00:38:34,611 --> 00:38:36,079
- Zack: Yeah, his profile said

1216
00:38:36,113 --> 00:38:37,246
his favorite movie

1217
00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:38,581
was Roman Holiday, so.

1218
00:38:38,615 --> 00:38:40,083
- Casey: You did that for him?

1219
00:38:40,117 --> 00:38:41,584
- Zack: It's stupid.

1220
00:38:41,618 --> 00:38:42,752
- Casey: It's the most

1221
00:38:42,786 --> 00:38:44,087
romantic thing

1222
00:38:44,121 --> 00:38:48,257
I've ever seen.

1223
00:38:48,291 --> 00:38:51,427
See, I'm telling the truth.

1224
00:38:51,461 --> 00:38:52,695
- Zack: Yeah, I actually had

1225
00:38:52,730 --> 00:38:54,697
this whole Roman Holiday tour.

1226
00:38:54,732 --> 00:38:56,866
There's the Colossum,

1227
00:38:56,900 --> 00:38:59,202
I ate half of it.

1228
00:38:59,236 --> 00:39:01,204
- Casey: Zack, there's something

1229
00:39:01,238 --> 00:39:03,873
I should tell you.

1230
00:39:03,907 --> 00:39:05,374
I haven't been honest with you.

1231
00:39:05,408 --> 00:39:06,709
I...

1232
00:39:07,077 --> 00:39:08,377
[doorbell ringing]

1233
00:39:08,746 --> 00:39:10,446
- Zack: Great, who's that?

1234
00:39:11,648 --> 00:39:12,782
Oh my God, Ryan?

1235
00:39:12,816 --> 00:39:14,050
- Ryan: Hey man, there's something

1236
00:39:14,084 --> 00:39:16,052
I gotta tell you.

1237
00:39:16,086 --> 00:39:18,721
Oh, did you tell him?

1238
00:39:18,756 --> 00:39:20,056
- Zack: Tell me what?

1239
00:39:20,090 --> 00:39:21,557
- Casey: I was just about to.

1240
00:39:21,591 --> 00:39:22,825
- Ryan: Of course you were.

1241
00:39:22,860 --> 00:39:23,993
That wasn't me

1242
00:39:24,027 --> 00:39:25,261
you were talking to online.

1243
00:39:25,295 --> 00:39:26,428
Him and Tiffani

1244
00:39:26,463 --> 00:39:27,596
made a fake profile

1245
00:39:27,631 --> 00:39:28,597
and used my picture.

1246
00:39:28,632 --> 00:39:29,766
- Zack: What?

1247
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:30,933
- Ryan: I don't even

1248
00:39:30,968 --> 00:39:32,101
have a profile.

1249
00:39:32,136 --> 00:39:33,269
I'm not even gay.

1250
00:39:33,303 --> 00:39:34,270
- Casey: Zack,

1251
00:39:34,304 --> 00:39:35,772
it's not what it sounds like.

1252
00:39:35,806 --> 00:39:37,539
- Zack: Did you pretend to be him?

1253
00:39:37,574 --> 00:39:39,041
- Casey: Yes, but it was only

1254
00:39:39,076 --> 00:39:40,042
because I didn't want

1255
00:39:40,077 --> 00:39:41,310
to look like a stalker,

1256
00:39:41,344 --> 00:39:43,079
which I know I totally like now.

1257
00:39:43,113 --> 00:39:44,080
- Zack: My first

1258
00:39:44,114 --> 00:39:45,081
genuine conversation in years

1259
00:39:45,115 --> 00:39:46,348
was with a total fake.

1260
00:39:46,383 --> 00:39:47,349
And why?

1261
00:39:47,384 --> 00:39:48,617
So you can fuck me?

1262
00:39:48,652 --> 00:39:49,886
- Casey: No, I mean yes,

1263
00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:51,154
I mean more than that.

1264
00:39:51,188 --> 00:39:52,655
The things I said were true.

1265
00:39:52,689 --> 00:39:54,157
- Ryan: Dude, if you liked him,

1266
00:39:54,191 --> 00:39:55,658
why didn't you just tell him.

1267
00:39:55,692 --> 00:39:57,426
- Zack: And you let me take you

1268
00:39:57,460 --> 00:39:58,694
on that whole fucking tour

1269
00:39:58,728 --> 00:39:59,962
like some kind of idiot.

1270
00:39:59,997 --> 00:40:01,130
Get the fuck out!

1271
00:40:01,165 --> 00:40:02,298
Both of you.

1272
00:40:02,332 --> 00:40:04,033
- Casey: Zack, I'm sorry.

1273
00:40:04,067 --> 00:40:05,201
Is that...

1274
00:40:05,235 --> 00:40:07,369
- Zack: Get out!

1275
00:40:11,742 --> 00:40:13,208
- Casey: I was in the middle

1276
00:40:13,243 --> 00:40:14,477
of telling him, you know.

1277
00:40:14,511 --> 00:40:15,645
- Ryan: Sorry man,

1278
00:40:15,679 --> 00:40:16,912
it was a crappy thing

1279
00:40:16,946 --> 00:40:17,913
you guys did.

1280
00:40:17,947 --> 00:40:18,914
- Casey: I just wanted

1281
00:40:18,948 --> 00:40:19,915
to get his attention.

1282
00:40:19,949 --> 00:40:21,183
- Ryan: You coulda got it

1283
00:40:21,217 --> 00:40:22,184
without getting

1284
00:40:22,218 --> 00:40:23,185
all stalker-azzi on him.

1285
00:40:23,219 --> 00:40:24,453
- Casey: With guys like you

1286
00:40:24,488 --> 00:40:25,454
walking around?

1287
00:40:25,489 --> 00:40:26,955
- Ryan: Even if I was gay,

1288
00:40:26,990 --> 00:40:28,223
it wouldn't have worked out.

1289
00:40:28,258 --> 00:40:29,224
He was less

1290
00:40:29,259 --> 00:40:30,493
into what I looked like

1291
00:40:30,527 --> 00:40:31,994
and more into what you said.

1292
00:40:32,028 --> 00:40:32,995
Anyway, sorry.

1293
00:40:33,029 --> 00:40:35,331
- Casey: No, it's my own damn fault.

1294
00:40:38,702 --> 00:40:39,835
- Tiffani: This is Tandy,

1295
00:40:39,869 --> 00:40:41,003
impress me.

1296
00:40:41,037 --> 00:40:42,171
And if you're

1297
00:40:42,205 --> 00:40:43,439
one of my gay friends

1298
00:40:43,473 --> 00:40:44,940
and just had a bad date,

1299
00:40:44,974 --> 00:40:46,208
I'm not calling you back

1300
00:40:46,242 --> 00:40:47,376
for three days.

1301
00:40:47,411 --> 00:40:49,945
Because I'm not a fag hag!

1302
00:40:50,314 --> 00:40:58,788
#

1303
00:40:59,155 --> 00:41:00,790
- Helen: Casey, right?

1304
00:41:00,824 --> 00:41:02,124
- Casey: Yeah.

1305
00:41:02,158 --> 00:41:03,459
- Helen: I'm Harry.

1306
00:41:03,493 --> 00:41:04,794
That's my name,

1307
00:41:04,828 --> 00:41:07,797
not that I am hairy.

1308
00:41:08,832 --> 00:41:10,132
Honey, what's wrong?

1309
00:41:10,166 --> 00:41:11,300
You look like Liberace

1310
00:41:11,335 --> 00:41:13,302
after they put the seat back

1311
00:41:13,337 --> 00:41:15,304
on his piano stool.

1312
00:41:16,340 --> 00:41:17,473
Wrong generation.

1313
00:41:17,507 --> 00:41:19,475
Never mind.

1314
00:41:19,509 --> 00:41:20,976
You look like you could use

1315
00:41:21,010 --> 00:41:22,144
some company tonight.

1316
00:41:22,178 --> 00:41:23,479
- Casey: Oh, I'm not interested.

1317
00:41:23,513 --> 00:41:26,649
- Helen: On, no, darling.

1318
00:41:26,683 --> 00:41:27,983
You're adorable

1319
00:41:28,017 --> 00:41:29,819
but you're far too young for me.

1320
00:41:29,853 --> 00:41:31,086
Us in bed would be

1321
00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:32,254
like teaching calculus

1322
00:41:32,288 --> 00:41:34,089
to a preschooler.

1323
00:41:34,123 --> 00:41:35,090
No.

1324
00:41:35,124 --> 00:41:36,258
Sex with men

1325
00:41:36,292 --> 00:41:37,426
who have the maturity

1326
00:41:37,461 --> 00:41:39,261
of an experienced lover,

1327
00:41:39,295 --> 00:41:40,929
there's nothing quite like it.

1328
00:41:40,964 --> 00:41:42,097
- Casey: T.M.I.

1329
00:41:42,131 --> 00:41:43,265
- Helen: Pardon?

1330
00:41:43,299 --> 00:41:44,433
- Casey: Nothing.

1331
00:41:44,468 --> 00:41:45,601
- Helen: Let me guess.

1332
00:41:45,635 --> 00:41:47,102
Some strapping thing

1333
00:41:47,136 --> 00:41:48,937
has broken your heart.

1334
00:41:48,972 --> 00:41:50,205
- Casey: Is it that obvious?

1335
00:41:50,240 --> 00:41:51,707
- Helen: Either that or Miley Cyrus

1336
00:41:51,742 --> 00:41:52,875
died.

1337
00:41:52,909 --> 00:41:56,044
See, I'm not that dated.

1338
00:41:56,079 --> 00:41:58,714
- Casey: Yeah, it's a guy.

1339
00:41:58,749 --> 00:42:01,049
No, no, it's me.

1340
00:42:01,084 --> 00:42:03,051
I was a complete jerk.

1341
00:42:03,086 --> 00:42:04,219
And I knew it

1342
00:42:04,254 --> 00:42:05,388
while it was happening

1343
00:42:05,422 --> 00:42:06,655
but I did it anyway.

1344
00:42:06,690 --> 00:42:07,823
And now I'll never

1345
00:42:07,858 --> 00:42:08,991
get to show Zack

1346
00:42:09,025 --> 00:42:10,760
what a great boyfriend I can be.

1347
00:42:10,794 --> 00:42:12,027
Now I'll never even have

1348
00:42:12,061 --> 00:42:13,529
a boyfriend.

1349
00:42:13,563 --> 00:42:15,030
And I'll wind up alone

1350
00:42:15,064 --> 00:42:18,033
until I'm all old and...

1351
00:42:18,067 --> 00:42:19,535
Sorry.

1352
00:42:19,569 --> 00:42:21,036
- Helen: Oh dear heart,

1353
00:42:21,070 --> 00:42:22,371
there's worse things

1354
00:42:22,406 --> 00:42:24,507
than not having a boyfriend.

1355
00:42:24,541 --> 00:42:26,675
Like trudging bare foot uphill

1356
00:42:26,710 --> 00:42:28,176
through five miles of snow

1357
00:42:28,211 --> 00:42:29,512
just to find the nearest

1358
00:42:29,546 --> 00:42:32,347
homosexual saloon.

1359
00:42:32,382 --> 00:42:34,850
It was a joke.

1360
00:42:34,885 --> 00:42:36,351
I'm not that old.

1361
00:42:36,386 --> 00:42:37,520
- Casey: You're not?

1362
00:42:37,554 --> 00:42:38,687
- Helen: Well now,

1363
00:42:38,722 --> 00:42:40,188
that was just not pretty.

1364
00:42:40,223 --> 00:42:41,524
All I'm saying is,

1365
00:42:41,558 --> 00:42:43,358
as dark as it may seem,

1366
00:42:43,393 --> 00:42:44,693
I think your generation

1367
00:42:44,728 --> 00:42:45,861
has it pretty easy

1368
00:42:45,896 --> 00:42:47,129
when it comes to finding

1369
00:42:47,163 --> 00:42:50,966
all the other fish

1370
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:52,968
in the sea.

1371
00:42:54,170 --> 00:42:55,471
I bet you're thinking

1372
00:42:55,505 --> 00:42:56,639
right now

1373
00:42:56,673 --> 00:42:57,807
that the obvious solution

1374
00:42:57,841 --> 00:43:00,142
is something that I used to do

1375
00:43:00,176 --> 00:43:01,310
when I was trying

1376
00:43:01,344 --> 00:43:03,145
to get over someone.

1377
00:43:03,179 --> 00:43:04,647
- Casey: What's that?

1378
00:43:04,681 --> 00:43:06,148
- Helen: Well I used to think

1379
00:43:06,182 --> 00:43:07,917
that a good roll in the hay

1380
00:43:07,951 --> 00:43:09,184
would be all I needed

1381
00:43:09,218 --> 00:43:11,353
but I was wrong.

1382
00:43:11,387 --> 00:43:13,355
Sleeping with someone

1383
00:43:13,389 --> 00:43:15,491
to get over someone else

1384
00:43:15,525 --> 00:43:18,160
never works.

1385
00:43:18,194 --> 00:43:19,328
- Lionel: Casey, right?

1386
00:43:19,362 --> 00:43:20,496
- Casey: Yeah.

1387
00:43:20,530 --> 00:43:22,331
- Helen: Trust me on this,

1388
00:43:22,365 --> 00:43:24,333
it never works.

1389
00:43:24,367 --> 00:43:25,835
- Lionel: You want to go somewhere

1390
00:43:25,869 --> 00:43:27,503
and talk?

1391
00:43:28,538 --> 00:43:30,840
- Helen: Never.

1392
00:43:30,874 --> 00:43:33,843
- Casey: Sure.

1393
00:43:37,380 --> 00:43:40,182
- Helen: Never learn.

1394
00:43:43,720 --> 00:43:45,521
- Casey: That drink was strong,

1395
00:43:45,555 --> 00:43:47,523
like drinking blood straight

1396
00:43:47,557 --> 00:43:49,024
from Amy Winehouse's wrist.

1397
00:43:49,058 --> 00:43:51,026
- Lionel: God, I'm glad I met you.

1398
00:43:51,060 --> 00:43:52,695
Last guy I dated, Zack,

1399
00:43:52,729 --> 00:43:54,429
such a fucking loser.

1400
00:43:54,464 --> 00:43:56,565
He was a good kisser.

1401
00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:58,734
- Casey: Kissing's overrated.

1402
00:43:58,768 --> 00:44:00,469
How good was he?

1403
00:44:00,504 --> 00:44:01,637
- Lionel: Incredible.

1404
00:44:01,671 --> 00:44:04,206
Always started off the same way.

1405
00:44:04,240 --> 00:44:06,041
Two pecks.

1406
00:44:07,911 --> 00:44:10,546
Then a deeper kiss.

1407
00:44:12,749 --> 00:44:13,883
Followed by a bite

1408
00:44:13,917 --> 00:44:17,052
to the lower lip.

1409
00:44:19,422 --> 00:44:21,390
And repeat.

1410
00:44:21,758 --> 00:44:27,730
#

1411
00:44:28,097 --> 00:44:31,066
- Lionel: Get back in.

1412
00:44:31,434 --> 00:44:40,242
#

1413
00:44:40,610 --> 00:44:41,744
We should fuck.

1414
00:44:41,778 --> 00:44:42,912
Is that your bed?

1415
00:44:42,946 --> 00:44:44,413
- Casey: I don't usually do that

1416
00:44:44,447 --> 00:44:45,581
on the first...

1417
00:44:45,615 --> 00:44:46,849
- Lionel: Yeah, neither do I.

1418
00:44:46,883 --> 00:44:48,851
Right behind you.

1419
00:44:49,218 --> 00:45:04,199
#

1420
00:45:04,568 --> 00:45:12,524
#

1421
00:45:14,727 --> 00:45:29,708
#

1422
00:45:30,076 --> 00:45:45,056
#

1423
00:45:45,425 --> 00:46:00,405
#

1424
00:46:00,773 --> 00:46:04,876
#

1425
00:46:05,245 --> 00:46:06,378
- Tiffani: Hi,

1426
00:46:06,412 --> 00:46:07,879
how can I hurt you today?

1427
00:46:07,913 --> 00:46:09,047
- Ryan: We gotta talk.

1428
00:46:09,081 --> 00:46:10,215
- Tiffani: We have nothing

1429
00:46:10,250 --> 00:46:11,383
to talk about.

1430
00:46:11,417 --> 00:46:12,551
- Ryan: Five minutes,

1431
00:46:12,585 --> 00:46:14,886
that's all I ask.

1432
00:46:19,259 --> 00:46:20,492
- Tiffani: You need to have

1433
00:46:20,526 --> 00:46:23,161
an appointment.

1434
00:46:23,195 --> 00:46:24,429
- Ryan: We gotta do something

1435
00:46:24,464 --> 00:46:25,764
about Zack and Casey.

1436
00:46:25,798 --> 00:46:27,031
- Tiffani: What do you mean,

1437
00:46:27,066 --> 00:46:28,800
I thought you were gay for Zack.

1438
00:46:28,834 --> 00:46:29,968
- Ryan: Come on,

1439
00:46:30,002 --> 00:46:32,103
you know I'm not gay.

1440
00:46:34,641 --> 00:46:36,107
- Ryan: You know I was just

1441
00:46:36,142 --> 00:46:37,376
trying to piss you off.

1442
00:46:37,410 --> 00:46:38,644
- Tiffani: Well, it didn't work,

1443
00:46:38,678 --> 00:46:40,646
clit monger.

1444
00:46:43,516 --> 00:46:45,250
Why would you want to help them.

1445
00:46:45,285 --> 00:46:46,518
- Ryan: They seem like they

1446
00:46:46,552 --> 00:46:47,686
actually belong together.

1447
00:46:47,720 --> 00:46:49,187
And I messed that up.

1448
00:46:49,221 --> 00:46:50,355
- Tiffani: My God,

1449
00:46:50,390 --> 00:46:51,523
you have feelings?

1450
00:46:51,557 --> 00:46:52,691
I thought your fortes

1451
00:46:52,725 --> 00:46:53,858
fortes was cheating

1452
00:46:53,893 --> 00:46:55,026
and home wrecking.

1453
00:46:55,060 --> 00:46:56,194
- Ryan: You cheated too.

1454
00:46:56,228 --> 00:46:57,696
- Tiffani: He wasn't inside me yet.

1455
00:46:57,730 --> 00:46:58,963
- Ryan: We both fucked up.

1456
00:46:58,998 --> 00:47:00,231
But this is our chance

1457
00:47:00,266 --> 00:47:02,233
to do something right.

1458
00:47:04,103 --> 00:47:06,070
- Tiffani: Aww.

1459
00:47:06,105 --> 00:47:08,239
Tyra moment.

1460
00:47:11,778 --> 00:47:13,244
How do we get them together?

1461
00:47:13,279 --> 00:47:14,513
Zack clearly prefers to be

1462
00:47:14,547 --> 00:47:15,681
with gorgeous people

1463
00:47:15,715 --> 00:47:16,848
like me and you.

1464
00:47:16,882 --> 00:47:18,350
- Ryan: It takes a lot more

1465
00:47:18,384 --> 00:47:19,518
than a gym

1466
00:47:19,552 --> 00:47:20,686
and some cucumbers

1467
00:47:20,720 --> 00:47:21,853
to make someone gorgeous.

1468
00:47:21,887 --> 00:47:23,121
- Tiffani: The point is Casey

1469
00:47:23,155 --> 00:47:24,389
isn't even on Zack's menu.

1470
00:47:24,424 --> 00:47:25,557
- Ryan: Exactly!

1471
00:47:25,591 --> 00:47:26,725
We're ordering

1472
00:47:26,759 --> 00:47:27,892
from the wrong menu.

1473
00:47:27,927 --> 00:47:29,060
We gotta go

1474
00:47:29,094 --> 00:47:30,228
to another restaurant

1475
00:47:30,262 --> 00:47:31,396
where Zack is

1476
00:47:31,431 --> 00:47:32,664
and order the hot dog.

1477
00:47:32,699 --> 00:47:33,832
Because we really

1478
00:47:33,866 --> 00:47:36,335
just want the bun.

1479
00:47:36,369 --> 00:47:38,503
- Tiffani: Or we could trick them

1480
00:47:38,538 --> 00:47:39,838
into a date.

1481
00:47:39,872 --> 00:47:42,407
- Ryan: That's what I just said.

1482
00:47:42,775 --> 00:47:51,249
#

1483
00:47:51,617 --> 00:47:52,917
- Tiffani: Hey there sausage,

1484
00:47:52,952 --> 00:47:54,419
why the long dick.

1485
00:47:54,454 --> 00:47:57,255
- Zack: Oh, it's you.

1486
00:47:57,289 --> 00:47:59,591
- Tiffani: Yes, it's me,

1487
00:47:59,625 --> 00:48:01,760
the slut with the heart of shit.

1488
00:48:01,794 --> 00:48:03,261
- Zack: No argument here.

1489
00:48:03,295 --> 00:48:04,596
- Tiffani: I know.

1490
00:48:04,630 --> 00:48:05,764
I'm sorry,

1491
00:48:05,798 --> 00:48:07,899
I owe you a cocktail,

1492
00:48:07,933 --> 00:48:09,401
or at least a hand job.

1493
00:48:09,435 --> 00:48:10,569
- Zack: You've done enough,

1494
00:48:10,603 --> 00:48:13,071
really.

1495
00:48:13,105 --> 00:48:14,239
Actually,

1496
00:48:14,273 --> 00:48:16,408
there is something you can do.

1497
00:48:16,442 --> 00:48:17,743
Find me an auctioneer

1498
00:48:17,777 --> 00:48:19,911
for the male sale.

1499
00:48:19,945 --> 00:48:21,079
- Tiffani: I'll do it.

1500
00:48:21,113 --> 00:48:22,581
I used to run the auction

1501
00:48:22,615 --> 00:48:23,849
at my stepfather's Jude Ranch.

1502
00:48:23,883 --> 00:48:25,016
- Zack: Really?

1503
00:48:25,050 --> 00:48:26,184
- Tiffani: Yeah.

1504
00:48:26,218 --> 00:48:27,352
There's a lot people

1505
00:48:27,387 --> 00:48:29,354
don't know about me.

1506
00:48:31,391 --> 00:48:33,024
Listen.

1507
00:48:33,058 --> 00:48:34,526
You need to know the truth

1508
00:48:34,560 --> 00:48:36,027
about what went down with Casey.

1509
00:48:36,061 --> 00:48:37,529
- Zack: Casey can suck my balls.

1510
00:48:37,563 --> 00:48:39,030
- Tiffani: Well, that's what he's been

1511
00:48:39,064 --> 00:48:40,298
trying to say all along.

1512
00:48:40,332 --> 00:48:41,800
- Zack: You know what I mean.

1513
00:48:41,834 --> 00:48:43,301
- Tiffani: I know.

1514
00:48:43,335 --> 00:48:44,803
Come on, let me buy you

1515
00:48:44,837 --> 00:48:46,137
a drink later.

1516
00:48:46,171 --> 00:48:47,472
You shouldn't be alone

1517
00:48:47,507 --> 00:48:48,973
during this delicate juncture.

1518
00:48:49,008 --> 00:48:51,810
Trust me, I've been there.

1519
00:48:53,178 --> 00:48:57,649
Where is your fag hag anyway?

1520
00:48:57,683 --> 00:48:58,817
Oh, come on,

1521
00:48:58,851 --> 00:49:00,819
I'll sub for her.

1522
00:49:00,853 --> 00:49:01,986
- Zack: You can't sub

1523
00:49:02,021 --> 00:49:03,154
for a best friend.

1524
00:49:03,188 --> 00:49:04,322
- Tiffani: You're gay

1525
00:49:04,356 --> 00:49:05,590
and I'm a straight girl

1526
00:49:05,625 --> 00:49:06,758
of big tits.

1527
00:49:06,793 --> 00:49:07,926
Evolution has

1528
00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:09,093
genetically programmed us

1529
00:49:09,128 --> 00:49:10,595
to be there for each other.

1530
00:49:10,630 --> 00:49:11,763
Like the clown fish

1531
00:49:11,798 --> 00:49:12,931
and the sea anemone.

1532
00:49:12,965 --> 00:49:14,933
Now, what'd you say?

1533
00:49:21,307 --> 00:49:22,441
- Ryan: Casey!

1534
00:49:22,475 --> 00:49:23,775
- Casey: Oh, hey.

1535
00:49:23,810 --> 00:49:24,943
- Ryan: You, me, drinks.

1536
00:49:24,977 --> 00:49:26,110
Tonight.

1537
00:49:26,145 --> 00:49:27,278
- Casey: No.

1538
00:49:27,313 --> 00:49:28,447
What's up with you

1539
00:49:28,481 --> 00:49:29,714
going out with gay guys.

1540
00:49:29,749 --> 00:49:31,215
- Ryan: I want to make up

1541
00:49:31,250 --> 00:49:32,484
for screwing up your game.

1542
00:49:32,518 --> 00:49:33,752
- Casey: Yeah, I don't think

1543
00:49:33,786 --> 00:49:35,520
a Blue Ribbon or whatever it is

1544
00:49:35,555 --> 00:49:36,688
straight guys drink

1545
00:49:36,722 --> 00:49:37,689
is gonna help.

1546
00:49:37,723 --> 00:49:39,458
- Ryan: I'll put an umbrella in it.

1547
00:49:39,492 --> 00:49:40,459
Awesome.

1548
00:49:40,493 --> 00:49:43,795
I'll pick you up at 6:00.

1549
00:49:43,830 --> 00:49:46,130
- Casey: Awesome.

1550
00:49:56,192 --> 00:49:57,492
- Tiffani: It's me.

1551
00:49:57,526 --> 00:49:58,827
- Ryan: We're set.

1552
00:49:58,861 --> 00:49:59,995
- Tiffani: Great!

1553
00:50:00,029 --> 00:50:01,496
Now be a good little stripper

1554
00:50:01,530 --> 00:50:02,764
and do whatever it takes

1555
00:50:02,799 --> 00:50:04,032
to get those boys all

1556
00:50:04,067 --> 00:50:05,533
horned up and ready to blow.

1557
00:50:05,568 --> 00:50:06,802
- Ryan: I think they care

1558
00:50:06,836 --> 00:50:07,969
about more than sex.

1559
00:50:08,004 --> 00:50:09,137
- Tiffani: Jesus, you sound

1560
00:50:09,172 --> 00:50:10,638
like a woman that isn't me.

1561
00:50:10,673 --> 00:50:12,974
Of course they care about sex.

1562
00:50:13,009 --> 00:50:14,142
If they don't,

1563
00:50:14,177 --> 00:50:15,410
that's what the alcohol's for.

1564
00:50:15,444 --> 00:50:16,912
- Ryan: Well, you just show up

1565
00:50:16,946 --> 00:50:18,246
when you're supposed to.

1566
00:50:18,280 --> 00:50:19,915
- Tiffani: Honey, I'm a as reliable

1567
00:50:19,949 --> 00:50:21,416
as birth control.

1568
00:50:21,450 --> 00:50:22,684
- Ryan: That's not a 100%.

1569
00:50:22,719 --> 00:50:25,253
- Tiffani: Take it or leave it.

1570
00:50:25,621 --> 00:50:29,591
#

1571
00:50:29,959 --> 00:50:31,259
- Zack: Tandy,

1572
00:50:31,293 --> 00:50:32,427
what's up dragon lady?

1573
00:50:32,461 --> 00:50:33,695
- Tiffani: I got your non-call,

1574
00:50:33,730 --> 00:50:35,197
leave a fucking V.M. next time.

1575
00:50:35,231 --> 00:50:36,198
- Zack: You said

1576
00:50:36,232 --> 00:50:37,465
you didn't want to hear

1577
00:50:37,499 --> 00:50:38,466
about gay problems.

1578
00:50:38,500 --> 00:50:39,467
- Tiffani: Good point,

1579
00:50:39,501 --> 00:50:40,635
thanks for sparing me

1580
00:50:40,669 --> 00:50:41,903
the Queer as Folk rerun.

1581
00:50:41,938 --> 00:50:42,904
Where are we going?

1582
00:50:42,939 --> 00:50:43,905
- Zack: To hang out

1583
00:50:43,940 --> 00:50:44,906
with my new friend,

1584
00:50:44,941 --> 00:50:45,907
remember that girl, Tiffani.

1585
00:50:45,942 --> 00:50:46,908
- Tiffani: The sluttier version

1586
00:50:46,943 --> 00:50:47,909
of Tara Reid?

1587
00:50:47,944 --> 00:50:49,177
You're hanging out with her?

1588
00:50:49,212 --> 00:50:50,445
- Zack: She wanted to hear

1589
00:50:50,479 --> 00:50:51,613
about my problems.

1590
00:50:51,647 --> 00:50:53,448
- Tiffani: I smell a rat

1591
00:50:53,482 --> 00:50:57,285
with fake tits.

1592
00:50:57,319 --> 00:50:59,054
- Tiffani: To all the boys I fucked

1593
00:50:59,088 --> 00:51:00,789
and never called back.

1594
00:51:00,823 --> 00:51:01,957
- Zack: That must be

1595
00:51:01,991 --> 00:51:03,125
like a hundred.

1596
00:51:03,159 --> 00:51:04,626
- Tiffani: Like ten years ago maybe.

1597
00:51:04,660 --> 00:51:07,963
- Z Here's to me catching up.

1598
00:51:12,334 --> 00:51:14,970
- Tiffani: So, this whole Internet...

1599
00:51:15,004 --> 00:51:16,304
- Zack: Lie.

1600
00:51:16,338 --> 00:51:17,639
- Tiffani: Performance

1601
00:51:17,673 --> 00:51:19,975
was totally 100% my idea.

1602
00:51:20,009 --> 00:51:21,810
Casey had nothing to do

1603
00:51:21,844 --> 00:51:23,145
with it.

1604
00:51:23,179 --> 00:51:24,412
- Zack: But he's the one

1605
00:51:24,446 --> 00:51:27,082
who chatted with me, right?

1606
00:51:27,116 --> 00:51:28,750
- Tiffani: Yes.

1607
00:51:28,785 --> 00:51:31,086
But I practically raped him

1608
00:51:31,120 --> 00:51:33,088
into it.

1609
00:51:33,122 --> 00:51:34,589
- Zack: So what he said,

1610
00:51:34,623 --> 00:51:37,159
how much of that was him?

1611
00:51:38,527 --> 00:51:41,663
- Tiffani: Just the good stuff.

1612
00:51:41,697 --> 00:51:43,665
- Zack: He's lucky to have you,

1613
00:51:43,699 --> 00:51:46,168
except for the raping part.

1614
00:51:46,202 --> 00:51:48,303
- Tiffani: To the raping part.

1615
00:51:48,337 --> 00:51:50,972
- Zack: To the raping part.

1616
00:51:51,340 --> 00:52:00,315
#

1617
00:52:00,683 --> 00:52:09,657
#

1618
00:52:10,026 --> 00:52:11,159
- Tiffani: Trust me,

1619
00:52:11,194 --> 00:52:12,427
this is so much better

1620
00:52:12,461 --> 00:52:13,594
than shaving.

1621
00:52:13,629 --> 00:52:17,432
- Zack: That feels really weird.

1622
00:52:17,466 --> 00:52:18,599
- Tiffani: Assholes

1623
00:52:18,634 --> 00:52:21,102
are like snowflakes.

1624
00:52:21,137 --> 00:52:23,104
Speaking of pretty assholes,

1625
00:52:23,139 --> 00:52:24,272
why were you dating

1626
00:52:24,307 --> 00:52:26,274
that Lionel guy?

1627
00:52:26,309 --> 00:52:27,442
- Zack: What?

1628
00:52:27,476 --> 00:52:28,776
You've never dated

1629
00:52:28,811 --> 00:52:30,445
an asshole before?

1630
00:52:30,479 --> 00:52:32,613
- Tiffani: Honey,

1631
00:52:32,648 --> 00:52:35,450
assholes are attracted to me

1632
00:52:35,484 --> 00:52:38,954
like shit to assholes.

1633
00:52:38,988 --> 00:52:40,455
- Zack: And why did you stay

1634
00:52:40,489 --> 00:52:41,622
with them?

1635
00:52:41,657 --> 00:52:42,790
- Tiffani: Sex.

1636
00:52:42,825 --> 00:52:43,959
- Zack: Exactly!

1637
00:52:43,993 --> 00:52:45,227
I have the same problem,

1638
00:52:45,261 --> 00:52:46,728
I can't say no to cock.

1639
00:52:46,762 --> 00:52:47,896
- Tiffani: Oh, you're fucking

1640
00:52:47,930 --> 00:52:49,064
to the choir.

1641
00:52:49,098 --> 00:52:52,400
Dick, it just like blinds me,

1642
00:52:52,434 --> 00:52:54,736
you know.

1643
00:52:54,770 --> 00:52:55,904
- Zack: You ripped out

1644
00:52:55,938 --> 00:52:57,906
my sphincter!

1645
00:52:59,275 --> 00:53:01,392
- Tiffani: My turn.

1646
00:53:01,427 --> 00:53:02,560
- Ryan: You know,

1647
00:53:02,594 --> 00:53:05,230
Zack is totally into you.

1648
00:53:05,264 --> 00:53:06,965
- Casey: No he's not.

1649
00:53:06,999 --> 00:53:08,233
I need to give up

1650
00:53:08,267 --> 00:53:10,068
and go for someone uglier.

1651
00:53:10,102 --> 00:53:12,904
Not like Michael Stipe ugly,

1652
00:53:12,939 --> 00:53:14,405
but at least

1653
00:53:14,440 --> 00:53:16,908
Rufus Wainwright ugly.

1654
00:53:16,943 --> 00:53:19,477
- Ryan: I don't watch that show.

1655
00:53:19,511 --> 00:53:20,812
But I've been watching

1656
00:53:20,847 --> 00:53:22,547
gay guys for years.

1657
00:53:22,581 --> 00:53:23,715
See, they don't think

1658
00:53:23,749 --> 00:53:25,050
the strippers can see back,

1659
00:53:25,084 --> 00:53:27,219
but we totally can.

1660
00:53:27,253 --> 00:53:28,720
You guys' problem is

1661
00:53:28,754 --> 00:53:29,888
you don't even talk

1662
00:53:29,922 --> 00:53:31,056
to each other,

1663
00:53:31,090 --> 00:53:32,224
you're always waiting

1664
00:53:32,258 --> 00:53:33,391
for someone else

1665
00:53:33,425 --> 00:53:35,060
to make the first move.

1666
00:53:35,094 --> 00:53:36,561
- Casey: I gave him my number,

1667
00:53:36,595 --> 00:53:38,563
I volunteered for the male sale,

1668
00:53:38,597 --> 00:53:40,398
I took off my shirt for him.

1669
00:53:40,432 --> 00:53:42,734
I stalked him on the Internet.

1670
00:53:42,768 --> 00:53:44,903
I made all the moves.

1671
00:53:44,937 --> 00:53:46,404
- Ryan: But when'd you tell him

1672
00:53:46,438 --> 00:53:49,407
you liked him.

1673
00:53:49,441 --> 00:53:50,575
- Tiffani: You know,

1674
00:53:50,609 --> 00:53:54,079
you could cheat on me,

1675
00:53:54,113 --> 00:53:55,413
steal all my money

1676
00:53:55,447 --> 00:53:57,148
and kill my mother

1677
00:53:57,183 --> 00:53:59,150
but if you're hot,

1678
00:53:59,185 --> 00:54:00,818
I'll make excuses for you

1679
00:54:00,853 --> 00:54:03,821
until the day you leave me.

1680
00:54:07,360 --> 00:54:09,327
Or turn gay.

1681
00:54:09,362 --> 00:54:11,496
Or both.

1682
00:54:12,865 --> 00:54:15,166
Oh, damn,

1683
00:54:15,201 --> 00:54:16,667
all out of liquor.

1684
00:54:16,702 --> 00:54:18,169
Let's get out of here.

1685
00:54:18,204 --> 00:54:19,504
You can have that one,

1686
00:54:19,538 --> 00:54:21,839
I got plenty at home.

1687
00:54:22,208 --> 00:54:28,179
#

1688
00:54:28,547 --> 00:54:29,680
- Ryan: That pizza

1689
00:54:29,715 --> 00:54:31,182
ought to be here any minute.

1690
00:54:31,217 --> 00:54:33,851
- Casey: Yum, pizza.

1691
00:54:33,886 --> 00:54:35,020
- Ryan: What if

1692
00:54:35,054 --> 00:54:36,187
your boyfriend Zack

1693
00:54:36,222 --> 00:54:37,688
was the delivery boy?

1694
00:54:37,723 --> 00:54:40,025
- Casey: You are such a stripper.

1695
00:54:40,059 --> 00:54:43,194
And he's not my boyfriend.

1696
00:54:43,229 --> 00:54:44,695
- Ryan: I gotta hit the head,

1697
00:54:44,730 --> 00:54:46,531
get the door if the pizza comes.

1698
00:54:46,565 --> 00:54:48,866
- Casey: Ok.

1699
00:54:49,235 --> 00:55:04,382
#

1700
00:55:04,750 --> 00:55:19,897
#

1701
00:55:20,266 --> 00:55:35,413
#

1702
00:55:35,781 --> 00:55:37,415
- Casey: You've been

1703
00:55:37,450 --> 00:55:40,085
a very bad boy.

1704
00:55:40,119 --> 00:55:41,419
You have the right

1705
00:55:41,454 --> 00:55:43,921
to remain sexy.

1706
00:55:43,956 --> 00:55:45,223
Anything you touch

1707
00:55:45,257 --> 00:55:46,724
will be held against you

1708
00:55:46,758 --> 00:55:48,726
in the court of my...

1709
00:55:49,095 --> 00:55:51,562
[doorbell ringing]

1710
00:55:53,599 --> 00:55:55,400
Hit me with that pepperoni!

1711
00:55:55,434 --> 00:55:59,404
- Zack: Casey?

1712
00:55:59,438 --> 00:56:00,571
- Tiffani: Gotta go,

1713
00:56:00,606 --> 00:56:03,908
you two work it out, bye.

1714
00:56:03,942 --> 00:56:05,076
- Zack: Damn it!

1715
00:56:05,111 --> 00:56:06,244
- Casey: Hey Zack.

1716
00:56:06,278 --> 00:56:08,246
- Zack: Nice hat.

1717
00:56:12,618 --> 00:56:13,918
- Tiffani: Are they fucking yet?

1718
00:56:13,952 --> 00:56:15,653
- Ryan: Not even close.

1719
00:56:15,687 --> 00:56:17,155
Is this gonna work?

1720
00:56:17,189 --> 00:56:18,490
- Tiffani: Trust me, it's science.

1721
00:56:18,524 --> 00:56:19,657
If you leave

1722
00:56:19,691 --> 00:56:20,825
two dicks together,

1723
00:56:20,859 --> 00:56:21,993
eventually one of them's

1724
00:56:22,028 --> 00:56:23,161
going to need sucking.

1725
00:56:23,195 --> 00:56:24,329
Like prison.

1726
00:56:24,363 --> 00:56:27,165
- Casey: I'm really sorry

1727
00:56:27,199 --> 00:56:29,501
about what I did.

1728
00:56:29,535 --> 00:56:31,836
- Zack: Who does stuff like that?

1729
00:56:31,870 --> 00:56:34,172
- Casey: People with no self-esteem?

1730
00:56:34,206 --> 00:56:35,507
- Zack: It's kinda mean.

1731
00:56:35,541 --> 00:56:36,674
- Casey: I'm sorry,

1732
00:56:36,708 --> 00:56:37,942
it got out of hand.

1733
00:56:37,976 --> 00:56:40,278
I just...I wanted to...

1734
00:56:40,312 --> 00:56:41,446
I don't know.

1735
00:56:41,480 --> 00:56:42,947
I wanted to meet you.

1736
00:56:42,981 --> 00:56:44,215
- Zack: You did meet me.

1737
00:56:44,250 --> 00:56:45,716
- Casey: I know,

1738
00:56:45,751 --> 00:56:49,887
I'm just an idiot.

1739
00:56:49,922 --> 00:56:51,389
- Zack: It's not a big deal,

1740
00:56:51,424 --> 00:56:53,391
it's over.

1741
00:56:55,594 --> 00:56:56,727
- Tiffani: Come on,

1742
00:56:56,762 --> 00:56:57,895
this is the part

1743
00:56:57,930 --> 00:56:59,064
where you fuck him.

1744
00:56:59,098 --> 00:57:00,231
- Ryan: Man,

1745
00:57:00,266 --> 00:57:01,499
he just looked at you.

1746
00:57:01,534 --> 00:57:03,000
Look back.

1747
00:57:03,035 --> 00:57:04,001
- Tiffani: The dick sucking

1748
00:57:04,036 --> 00:57:05,002
principle should take effect

1749
00:57:05,037 --> 00:57:06,003
any second.

1750
00:57:06,038 --> 00:57:07,272
- Ryan: Nah, I've seen guys

1751
00:57:07,306 --> 00:57:08,540
do this at the club.

1752
00:57:08,574 --> 00:57:09,807
They'll sit there for hours

1753
00:57:09,841 --> 00:57:11,076
and never say a word,

1754
00:57:11,110 --> 00:57:12,077
no matter how much

1755
00:57:12,111 --> 00:57:13,078
they like each other.

1756
00:57:13,112 --> 00:57:14,079
- Tiffani: Go do something.

1757
00:57:14,113 --> 00:57:15,913
- Ryan: There's nothing I can do.

1758
00:57:15,948 --> 00:57:17,915
Except...

1759
00:57:17,950 --> 00:57:19,084
- Tiffani: What?

1760
00:57:19,118 --> 00:57:20,351
- Ryan: Work my stripper magic.

1761
00:57:20,386 --> 00:57:21,519
- Tiffani: Stripper magic?

1762
00:57:21,554 --> 00:57:23,020
- Ryan: When I see two guys

1763
00:57:23,055 --> 00:57:24,289
doing this at the club,

1764
00:57:24,323 --> 00:57:25,457
I'll get between them

1765
00:57:25,491 --> 00:57:26,958
and make them put their hands

1766
00:57:26,992 --> 00:57:28,126
all over me.

1767
00:57:28,160 --> 00:57:29,894
Then, I'll get out of the way

1768
00:57:29,928 --> 00:57:31,162
and they're so worked up

1769
00:57:31,197 --> 00:57:32,163
that they're

1770
00:57:32,198 --> 00:57:33,164
all over each other.

1771
00:57:33,199 --> 00:57:34,432
- Tiffani: You're like a stripper

1772
00:57:34,467 --> 00:57:35,433
Harriett Tubman.

1773
00:57:35,468 --> 00:57:36,434
- Ryan: Exactly!

1774
00:57:36,469 --> 00:57:37,702
- Tiffani: Get to it Harriett,

1775
00:57:37,736 --> 00:57:39,721
the dogs are coming.

1776
00:57:40,088 --> 00:57:47,729
#

1777
00:57:48,096 --> 00:57:49,230
- Zack: Thank God,

1778
00:57:49,264 --> 00:57:50,398
can we leave now?

1779
00:57:50,432 --> 00:57:51,900
- Ryan: You boys sit right there,

1780
00:57:51,934 --> 00:57:53,067
this party's

1781
00:57:53,101 --> 00:57:55,069
just getting started.

1782
00:57:55,437 --> 00:57:57,572
#

1783
00:57:57,940 --> 00:57:59,073
Let me show you

1784
00:57:59,107 --> 00:58:01,409
some classic stripper moves.

1785
00:58:01,443 --> 00:58:02,577
- Casey: What the fuck

1786
00:58:02,611 --> 00:58:03,745
are you doing?

1787
00:58:03,779 --> 00:58:04,913
- Ryan: You guys

1788
00:58:04,947 --> 00:58:06,080
are at full attention,

1789
00:58:06,114 --> 00:58:07,248
and Sergeant Ryan's here

1790
00:58:07,282 --> 00:58:09,250
to release it.

1791
00:58:12,287 --> 00:58:15,256
Now, both of you

1792
00:58:15,290 --> 00:58:18,259
make a wish and pull.

1793
00:58:18,293 --> 00:58:19,427
- Casey: You've got

1794
00:58:19,461 --> 00:58:20,595
to be kidding me.

1795
00:58:20,629 --> 00:58:21,763
- Zack: Well it is

1796
00:58:21,797 --> 00:58:23,031
kind of an ugly shirt.

1797
00:58:23,065 --> 00:58:25,033
- Casey: Totally generic.

1798
00:58:26,569 --> 00:58:29,370
- Ryan: That's more like it.

1799
00:58:30,405 --> 00:58:31,706
Free.

1800
00:58:31,740 --> 00:58:33,374
Now, rip open

1801
00:58:33,408 --> 00:58:35,376
rigid Ryan's jeans.

1802
00:58:35,410 --> 00:58:36,711
- Casey: You're straight?

1803
00:58:36,745 --> 00:58:38,212
- Ryan: We're just three dudes

1804
00:58:38,246 --> 00:58:39,881
having some fun.

1805
00:58:39,915 --> 00:58:42,216
Now pull.

1806
00:58:44,753 --> 00:58:46,220
- Zack: Are you hard?

1807
00:58:46,254 --> 00:58:47,555
- Ryan: Maybe.

1808
00:58:47,590 --> 00:58:50,725
Are you?

1809
00:58:50,759 --> 00:58:53,728
Gotta get out of these pants.

1810
00:58:54,096 --> 00:58:59,233
#

1811
00:58:59,602 --> 00:59:00,902
There's never a sexy way

1812
00:59:00,936 --> 00:59:02,169
to get the jeans off.

1813
00:59:02,204 --> 00:59:03,337
- Casey: I don't know,

1814
00:59:03,371 --> 00:59:04,505
that's pretty...

1815
00:59:04,539 --> 00:59:05,506
- Zack: Sexy.

1816
00:59:05,540 --> 00:59:06,507
- Ryan: Your turn.

1817
00:59:06,541 --> 00:59:07,508
- Casey: For what?

1818
00:59:07,542 --> 00:59:08,776
- Ryan: For your free lesson

1819
00:59:08,811 --> 00:59:09,944
in exotic dancing,

1820
00:59:09,979 --> 00:59:11,445
it's an actual skill you know.

1821
00:59:11,480 --> 00:59:12,614
- Zack: I'm in.

1822
00:59:12,648 --> 00:59:13,781
- Casey: I'll watch.

1823
00:59:13,816 --> 00:59:15,049
- Ryan: No looky-loos, come on.

1824
00:59:15,084 --> 00:59:16,217
Undo your shirts.

1825
00:59:16,251 --> 00:59:17,551
With more confidence.

1826
00:59:17,586 --> 00:59:20,554
A slow reveal.

1827
00:59:22,925 --> 00:59:24,225
Good.

1828
00:59:24,259 --> 00:59:25,392
Now, when you get

1829
00:59:25,427 --> 00:59:26,560
to the last button,

1830
00:59:26,595 --> 00:59:28,062
take your shirt at the collar

1831
00:59:28,097 --> 00:59:30,397
and slowly peel it off.

1832
00:59:31,433 --> 00:59:32,566
Good, that's hot.

1833
00:59:32,601 --> 00:59:33,901
- Casey: Yeah.

1834
00:59:33,936 --> 00:59:35,569
- Ryan: Now, pull your pants off

1835
00:59:35,604 --> 00:59:36,738
like I did,

1836
00:59:36,772 --> 00:59:37,905
and lead forward,

1837
00:59:37,940 --> 00:59:39,907
like this.

1838
00:59:40,275 --> 00:59:43,244
#

1839
00:59:43,612 --> 00:59:45,079
Come on, we're in underwear.

1840
00:59:45,114 --> 00:59:48,082
Zack, come here, take a side.

1841
00:59:51,120 --> 00:59:52,419
- Casey: Well,

1842
00:59:52,454 --> 00:59:55,256
that was certainly fun.

1843
00:59:55,290 --> 00:59:58,259
- Ryan: Now give me a lap dance.

1844
01:00:00,295 --> 01:00:01,763
- Zack: How's this?

1845
01:00:01,797 --> 01:00:02,930
- Ryan: You dance

1846
01:00:02,965 --> 01:00:04,098
like a straight boy.

1847
01:00:04,133 --> 01:00:05,366
You need to move them

1848
01:00:05,400 --> 01:00:06,534
like this.

1849
01:00:06,568 --> 01:00:08,036
You're all thrust and no grind.

1850
01:00:08,070 --> 01:00:09,704
Casey, come here.

1851
01:00:09,738 --> 01:00:12,540
Put your hands here.

1852
01:00:12,574 --> 01:00:14,709
Feel this.

1853
01:00:14,743 --> 01:00:17,045
That's hot.

1854
01:00:17,412 --> 01:00:24,552
#

1855
01:00:24,920 --> 01:00:26,220
You know,

1856
01:00:26,254 --> 01:00:28,890
you guys make a hot couple.

1857
01:00:30,592 --> 01:00:32,226
Guys, I think I'm gonna...

1858
01:00:32,260 --> 01:00:33,394
- Zack: You're not

1859
01:00:33,428 --> 01:00:34,562
gonna go anywhere

1860
01:00:34,596 --> 01:00:36,564
when you're that hard.

1861
01:00:36,932 --> 01:00:46,908
#

1862
01:00:47,275 --> 01:00:56,084
#

1863
01:00:56,451 --> 01:00:58,252
- Ryan: Oh yeah.

1864
01:00:58,286 --> 01:00:59,921
That's so hot.

1865
01:00:59,955 --> 01:01:01,089
- Tiffani: Oh my God,

1866
01:01:01,123 --> 01:01:03,424
that is so fucking hot!

1867
01:01:04,459 --> 01:01:19,440
[moaning]

1868
01:01:19,808 --> 01:01:26,614
[panting]

1869
01:01:26,982 --> 01:01:28,249
- Ryan: Fuck yeah,

1870
01:01:28,283 --> 01:01:31,252
work that pussy.

1871
01:01:31,620 --> 01:01:39,761
#

1872
01:01:40,129 --> 01:01:42,429
- Tandy: And what do we have here?

1873
01:01:42,464 --> 01:01:44,098
Shew, get away.

1874
01:01:44,133 --> 01:01:45,266
- Tiffani: I don't do

1875
01:01:45,300 --> 01:01:46,433
the lesbian thing anymore.

1876
01:01:46,468 --> 01:01:47,601
- Tandy: I knew

1877
01:01:47,636 --> 01:01:48,770
this was gonna happen.

1878
01:01:48,804 --> 01:01:50,938
- Tiffani: You did?

1879
01:01:50,973 --> 01:01:52,940
Get over here.

1880
01:01:54,476 --> 01:01:55,777
- Ryan: What the...

1881
01:01:55,811 --> 01:01:57,945
- Zack: Ready for the Zack special?

1882
01:01:58,313 --> 01:02:01,615
#

1883
01:02:01,984 --> 01:02:03,951
Help me.

1884
01:02:05,487 --> 01:02:08,122
- Ryan: Holy crap.

1885
01:02:08,157 --> 01:02:09,456
Oh yeah, I've never had

1886
01:02:09,491 --> 01:02:11,959
two months before, yeah,

1887
01:02:11,994 --> 01:02:14,328
one of you do the balls.

1888
01:02:14,362 --> 01:02:17,665
Oh my God!

1889
01:02:19,367 --> 01:02:20,601
- Tandy: Why are you fucking

1890
01:02:20,635 --> 01:02:21,769
with Zack?

1891
01:02:21,804 --> 01:02:22,937
- Tiffani: Technically

1892
01:02:22,971 --> 01:02:24,105
I'm watching them

1893
01:02:24,139 --> 01:02:25,273
fuck with Zack.

1894
01:02:25,307 --> 01:02:26,440
- Tandy: I'm breaking up

1895
01:02:26,474 --> 01:02:27,708
that blow fest right now.

1896
01:02:27,742 --> 01:02:29,210
- Tiffani: Over my hot dead body.

1897
01:02:29,244 --> 01:02:30,377
- Tandy: That's what

1898
01:02:30,412 --> 01:02:32,379
I was planning.

1899
01:02:39,754 --> 01:02:42,890
Oh!

1900
01:02:42,925 --> 01:02:45,059
Is that pussy juice?

1901
01:02:45,093 --> 01:02:48,395
- Tiffani: A thousand dollars worth.

1902
01:02:48,430 --> 01:02:52,233
Oh!

1903
01:02:52,267 --> 01:02:54,401
- Ryan: Guys, I'm gonna...

1904
01:02:54,436 --> 01:02:55,569
I'm gonna...

1905
01:02:55,603 --> 01:02:56,737
I'm gonna...

1906
01:02:56,771 --> 01:03:00,407
Jesus Mary Jenna Jameson!

1907
01:03:00,442 --> 01:03:01,675
- Tiffani: I've never heard that

1908
01:03:01,710 --> 01:03:02,844
without anything

1909
01:03:02,878 --> 01:03:04,846
in my pussy before.

1910
01:03:06,548 --> 01:03:16,523
[moaning]

1911
01:03:16,892 --> 01:03:26,868
[panting]

1912
01:03:27,569 --> 01:03:29,370
- Casey: Wow.

1913
01:03:29,404 --> 01:03:32,039
- Zack: Wow.

1914
01:03:32,074 --> 01:03:34,541
- Ryan: Wow!

1915
01:03:34,576 --> 01:03:36,277
- Tandy: You fucking bitch.

1916
01:03:36,311 --> 01:03:37,444
- Tiffani: Let me kick

1917
01:03:37,479 --> 01:03:38,946
that pussy again.

1918
01:03:38,981 --> 01:03:40,114
- Zack: Tandy?

1919
01:03:40,148 --> 01:03:41,282
- Casey: Tiffani?

1920
01:03:41,316 --> 01:03:42,616
- Tiffani: Sorry I'm late.

1921
01:03:42,650 --> 01:03:44,952
Woman things.

1922
01:03:48,490 --> 01:03:50,958
God, I miss that cock.

1923
01:03:50,993 --> 01:03:52,126
- Zack: Are you ok?

1924
01:03:52,160 --> 01:03:53,861
- Tandy: Kill the bitch.

1925
01:03:53,896 --> 01:03:55,363
- Zack: What the hell happened?

1926
01:03:55,397 --> 01:03:56,530
- Tandy: I was trying

1927
01:03:56,564 --> 01:03:57,698
to protect you.

1928
01:03:57,732 --> 01:03:58,866
- Zack: I appreciate it

1929
01:03:58,901 --> 01:04:00,368
but it turns out

1930
01:04:00,402 --> 01:04:02,370
that everything's just fine.

1931
01:04:02,404 --> 01:04:03,537
Better than fine.

1932
01:04:03,571 --> 01:04:04,705
- Tandy: What?

1933
01:04:04,739 --> 01:04:06,207
Are you life partners now?

1934
01:04:06,241 --> 01:04:08,542
- Zack: I think we're...

1935
01:04:08,576 --> 01:04:12,046
- Tiffani: Thanks to me and Ryan,

1936
01:04:12,080 --> 01:04:14,715
and Ryan's friend.

1937
01:04:14,749 --> 01:04:15,883
- Casey: Zack, I have

1938
01:04:15,918 --> 01:04:17,385
the perfect first date for us.

1939
01:04:17,419 --> 01:04:18,652
- Zack: Like your first date

1940
01:04:18,686 --> 01:04:20,988
with him?

1941
01:04:23,025 --> 01:04:25,126
You're just like everyone else.

1942
01:04:25,160 --> 01:04:28,129
Fuck you!

1943
01:04:32,167 --> 01:04:35,303
- Tandy: You're all assholes.

1944
01:04:37,005 --> 01:04:38,806
- Tiffani: I miss how we fuck.

1945
01:04:38,840 --> 01:04:41,475
- Ryan: Rigid Ryan misses you too.

1946
01:04:41,509 --> 01:04:43,210
- Tiffani: Oh come on,

1947
01:04:43,245 --> 01:04:44,478
let's go suck the gay

1948
01:04:44,512 --> 01:04:46,814
out of your cock.

1949
01:04:47,182 --> 01:04:57,141
#

1950
01:04:57,509 --> 01:04:58,742
- Zack: I hate the Internet.

1951
01:04:58,776 --> 01:05:00,011
- Tiffani: You can use it

1952
01:05:00,045 --> 01:05:01,278
for things other than sex.

1953
01:05:01,313 --> 01:05:02,613
- Zack: Like what?

1954
01:05:02,647 --> 01:05:03,780
- Tiffani: Well,

1955
01:05:03,815 --> 01:05:04,948
maybe gay people can't.

1956
01:05:04,983 --> 01:05:06,117
- Zack: Speaking

1957
01:05:06,151 --> 01:05:07,284
of trolling for sex,

1958
01:05:07,319 --> 01:05:08,285
I can't believe

1959
01:05:08,320 --> 01:05:09,286
Casey just slept

1960
01:05:09,321 --> 01:05:10,287
with the first thing

1961
01:05:10,322 --> 01:05:11,288
that looked at him.

1962
01:05:11,323 --> 01:05:12,556
- Tiffani: Ugh, I hate him.

1963
01:05:12,590 --> 01:05:13,557
But in his defense,

1964
01:05:13,591 --> 01:05:15,059
you did sort of reject him.

1965
01:05:15,093 --> 01:05:16,060
- Zack: So?

1966
01:05:16,094 --> 01:05:17,328
- Tiffani: What did you do

1967
01:05:17,362 --> 01:05:18,329
when Lionel rejected you?

1968
01:05:18,363 --> 01:05:19,330
You trolled...

1969
01:05:19,364 --> 01:05:21,165
- Both: Online for sex.

1970
01:05:21,199 --> 01:05:22,333
- Zack: I hate

1971
01:05:22,367 --> 01:05:24,502
that you're always right.

1972
01:05:24,536 --> 01:05:26,504
It's like Jesus is my fag hag.

1973
01:05:26,538 --> 01:05:27,505
Wait, sorry,

1974
01:05:27,539 --> 01:05:28,772
I know you don't like

1975
01:05:28,806 --> 01:05:29,773
being called...

1976
01:05:29,807 --> 01:05:31,042
- Tiffani: I'm dealing with it.

1977
01:05:31,076 --> 01:05:32,209
I'm your fag hag.

1978
01:05:32,244 --> 01:05:34,045
Not a fag hag.

1979
01:05:34,079 --> 01:05:36,213
Your fag hag.

1980
01:05:36,248 --> 01:05:38,715
- Zack: Thank you sweetie.

1981
01:05:40,085 --> 01:05:41,818
- Tiffani: But if I'm your fag hag,

1982
01:05:41,853 --> 01:05:43,954
then you're my gay bitch.

1983
01:05:45,990 --> 01:05:47,291
- Zack: Gay bitch

1984
01:05:47,325 --> 01:05:49,126
loves his fag hag.

1985
01:05:49,161 --> 01:05:50,461
- Tiffani: You better bitch,

1986
01:05:50,495 --> 01:05:52,463
I got a black eye for you.

1987
01:06:03,175 --> 01:06:04,808
- Helen: Casey? Honey?

1988
01:06:04,842 --> 01:06:06,310
- Casey: I'm moving back home.

1989
01:06:06,344 --> 01:06:07,578
Can you drop me off

1990
01:06:07,612 --> 01:06:08,745
at the bus station

1991
01:06:08,780 --> 01:06:09,913
when I'm done packing?

1992
01:06:09,948 --> 01:06:11,182
- Helen: I thought you were

1993
01:06:11,216 --> 01:06:12,349
making new friends?

1994
01:06:12,384 --> 01:06:13,617
Don't you like it here?

1995
01:06:13,651 --> 01:06:14,785
The cheap rent,

1996
01:06:14,819 --> 01:06:15,953
the beautiful weather,

1997
01:06:15,987 --> 01:06:18,289
the abundance of gay ass.

1998
01:06:18,323 --> 01:06:19,623
- Casey: I turned everything

1999
01:06:19,657 --> 01:06:21,292
into a big wet mess.

2000
01:06:21,326 --> 01:06:22,460
- Helen: Oh honey,

2001
01:06:22,494 --> 01:06:23,727
it can't be that bad.

2002
01:06:23,761 --> 01:06:24,895
- Casey: It's horrible!

2003
01:06:24,929 --> 01:06:26,730
It's like 9/11 but with sex.

2004
01:06:26,764 --> 01:06:28,732
- Helen: Like a 69/11.

2005
01:06:28,766 --> 01:06:30,067
- Casey: You're horrible.

2006
01:06:30,102 --> 01:06:31,735
- Helen: Oh honey, come on.

2007
01:06:31,769 --> 01:06:33,003
I don't know what kind

2008
01:06:33,037 --> 01:06:34,338
of orgie-astic corfafel

2009
01:06:34,372 --> 01:06:35,506
you've gotten yourself

2010
01:06:35,540 --> 01:06:36,673
wrapped up in.

2011
01:06:36,708 --> 01:06:37,841
But I do know

2012
01:06:37,875 --> 01:06:39,009
that when you run

2013
01:06:39,043 --> 01:06:40,177
from your problems,

2014
01:06:40,212 --> 01:06:41,345
the location might change

2015
01:06:41,379 --> 01:06:42,513
but your problems

2016
01:06:42,547 --> 01:06:43,680
will be right there

2017
01:06:43,715 --> 01:06:44,848
waiting for you.

2018
01:06:44,882 --> 01:06:46,016
Only there

2019
01:06:46,050 --> 01:06:47,284
you won't have cheap rent

2020
01:06:47,319 --> 01:06:48,452
and this beautiful weather.

2021
01:06:48,487 --> 01:06:49,620
- Casey: What about

2022
01:06:49,654 --> 01:06:50,887
the abundance of gay ass?

2023
01:06:50,922 --> 01:06:51,888
- Helen: Honey,

2024
01:06:51,923 --> 01:06:53,157
you can find that anywhere.

2025
01:06:53,191 --> 01:06:54,158
Now come on,

2026
01:06:54,192 --> 01:06:55,326
tell your auntie Helen

2027
01:06:55,360 --> 01:06:56,494
all about your problem.

2028
01:06:56,528 --> 01:06:58,829
I promise you won't shock me.

2029
01:06:58,863 --> 01:06:59,997
- Casey: Ok, I pretended

2030
01:07:00,031 --> 01:07:01,499
to be Ryan to Zack online

2031
01:07:01,533 --> 01:07:02,766
but then Ryan showed up

2032
01:07:02,800 --> 01:07:04,034
and went out with Zack

2033
01:07:04,068 --> 01:07:05,302
to get back at Tiffani.

2034
01:07:05,337 --> 01:07:06,303
Anyway,

2035
01:07:06,338 --> 01:07:07,471
I think Zack realized

2036
01:07:07,506 --> 01:07:09,240
he liked me for who I am

2037
01:07:09,274 --> 01:07:10,741
and not the way Ryan looked

2038
01:07:10,775 --> 01:07:12,009
but he never told me.

2039
01:07:12,043 --> 01:07:13,010
So I fucked Lionel

2040
01:07:13,044 --> 01:07:14,011
who was probably just

2041
01:07:14,045 --> 01:07:15,513
trying to get back at Zack,

2042
01:07:15,547 --> 01:07:17,281
and then Ryan got Zack and me

2043
01:07:17,315 --> 01:07:18,549
to give him a blowjob

2044
01:07:18,583 --> 01:07:20,050
in order to get us together.

2045
01:07:20,084 --> 01:07:21,051
And it actually worked.

2046
01:07:21,085 --> 01:07:22,319
Until Zack got a videoclip

2047
01:07:22,354 --> 01:07:24,321
of me and Lionel doing it.

2048
01:07:24,356 --> 01:07:26,657
- Helen: So, Zack never told you

2049
01:07:26,691 --> 01:07:27,991
how he felt.

2050
01:07:28,026 --> 01:07:29,326
- Casey: Yeah.

2051
01:07:29,361 --> 01:07:30,494
- Helen: And you're just

2052
01:07:30,529 --> 01:07:31,662
gonna leave town

2053
01:07:31,696 --> 01:07:33,164
without giving him a chance to.

2054
01:07:33,198 --> 01:07:34,431
- Tiffani: You're not leaving town

2055
01:07:34,466 --> 01:07:35,599
you fuck tard.

2056
01:07:35,634 --> 01:07:36,767
We have a date

2057
01:07:36,801 --> 01:07:37,934
and I'm not running

2058
01:07:37,969 --> 01:07:39,102
that auction alone.

2059
01:07:39,137 --> 01:07:40,271
- Helen: The slut's right.

2060
01:07:40,305 --> 01:07:41,438
Don't pussy out

2061
01:07:41,473 --> 01:07:42,606
on the youth center

2062
01:07:42,641 --> 01:07:43,774
just because someone hurt

2063
01:07:43,808 --> 01:07:44,941
your dick's feelings.

2064
01:07:44,976 --> 01:07:46,109
- Tiffani: Love her.

2065
01:07:46,144 --> 01:07:47,278
Besides, when you run

2066
01:07:47,312 --> 01:07:48,445
from your problems,

2067
01:07:48,480 --> 01:07:49,613
the location may change...

2068
01:07:49,648 --> 01:07:51,114
- Casey: I already got that speech.

2069
01:07:51,149 --> 01:07:52,115
- Tiffani: Than what are

2070
01:07:52,150 --> 01:07:53,116
we waiting for,

2071
01:07:53,151 --> 01:07:54,117
cum boy,

2072
01:07:54,152 --> 01:07:55,286
we're gonna be late.

2073
01:07:55,320 --> 01:07:57,839
- Helen: Bah-bye.

2074
01:07:58,006 --> 01:08:02,977
#

2075
01:08:03,344 --> 01:08:04,812
- Tiffani: I smell an open bar.

2076
01:08:04,846 --> 01:08:05,980
- Helen: Get me anything

2077
01:08:06,014 --> 01:08:07,148
with a whiskey

2078
01:08:07,182 --> 01:08:08,315
and nothing else.

2079
01:08:08,349 --> 01:08:10,450
- Zack: Oh good, you came.

2080
01:08:11,486 --> 01:08:12,953
- Tiffani: Oh my God, I did.

2081
01:08:12,988 --> 01:08:14,121
- Casey: Zack, I...

2082
01:08:14,156 --> 01:08:15,289
- Zack: Here's the stuff

2083
01:08:15,323 --> 01:08:16,456
you need to say.

2084
01:08:16,491 --> 01:08:17,624
Don't bomb.

2085
01:08:17,659 --> 01:08:18,793
- Tiffani: What's a "ligabut?"

2086
01:08:18,827 --> 01:08:20,127
- Zack: That's LGBT.

2087
01:08:20,162 --> 01:08:21,295
- Tiffani: What's that?

2088
01:08:21,329 --> 01:08:22,296
- Zack: Jesus Christ,

2089
01:08:22,330 --> 01:08:23,563
I have to get you

2090
01:08:23,598 --> 01:08:24,564
to the green room.

2091
01:08:24,599 --> 01:08:25,565
- Casey: Zack, wait,

2092
01:08:25,600 --> 01:08:26,566
I came to apologize.

2093
01:08:26,601 --> 01:08:27,567
- Zack: Funny,

2094
01:08:27,602 --> 01:08:28,568
originally you said

2095
01:08:28,603 --> 01:08:29,569
you were coming

2096
01:08:29,604 --> 01:08:30,838
to support the gay community.

2097
01:08:30,872 --> 01:08:32,339
- Casey: You know the gay scene

2098
01:08:32,373 --> 01:08:33,340
isn't really my thing.

2099
01:08:33,374 --> 01:08:34,341
- Zack: You know

2100
01:08:34,375 --> 01:08:35,609
for someone who talks down

2101
01:08:35,643 --> 01:08:37,111
on the gay scene so much,

2102
01:08:37,145 --> 01:08:38,879
you really go out of your way

2103
01:08:38,914 --> 01:08:41,448
to represent the worst of it.

2104
01:08:41,817 --> 01:08:44,785
#

2105
01:08:47,655 --> 01:08:48,889
- Lionel: Blowjob for your thoughts?

2106
01:08:48,924 --> 01:08:50,157
- Zack: What do you want?

2107
01:08:50,192 --> 01:08:51,658
- Lionel: Come on, all I did

2108
01:08:51,693 --> 01:08:52,927
was prove that the guy

2109
01:08:52,961 --> 01:08:54,195
you thought was your friend

2110
01:08:54,229 --> 01:08:55,462
is just a big phony.

2111
01:08:55,496 --> 01:08:56,463
You should be happy.

2112
01:08:56,497 --> 01:08:57,464
- Zack: You thought

2113
01:08:57,498 --> 01:08:58,966
that sending me your sex video

2114
01:08:59,000 --> 01:08:59,967
would make me happy?

2115
01:09:00,001 --> 01:09:01,468
- Lionel: I had to do something

2116
01:09:01,502 --> 01:09:02,469
to keep you apart.

2117
01:09:02,503 --> 01:09:03,470
- Zack: Why?

2118
01:09:03,504 --> 01:09:04,471
- Lionel: You know why.

2119
01:09:04,505 --> 01:09:05,472
- Zack: Say it.

2120
01:09:05,506 --> 01:09:06,740
- Lionel: I was jealous, alright?

2121
01:09:06,774 --> 01:09:07,741
- Zack: I knew it.

2122
01:09:07,775 --> 01:09:09,243
- Lionel: And it wasn't just that.

2123
01:09:09,277 --> 01:09:10,244
I could tell

2124
01:09:10,278 --> 01:09:11,511
you were connecting with him.

2125
01:09:11,546 --> 01:09:12,512
I want you back.

2126
01:09:12,547 --> 01:09:13,513
Can you feel

2127
01:09:13,548 --> 01:09:15,015
how badly I want you back?

2128
01:09:15,050 --> 01:09:16,016
- Zack: I don't care

2129
01:09:16,051 --> 01:09:17,017
how hot you are,

2130
01:09:17,052 --> 01:09:18,018
I need more.

2131
01:09:18,053 --> 01:09:19,019
- Lionel: You're so deep.

2132
01:09:19,054 --> 01:09:20,020
- Zack: If it's deep

2133
01:09:20,055 --> 01:09:21,021
to want someone

2134
01:09:21,056 --> 01:09:22,189
who's gonna respect me

2135
01:09:22,224 --> 01:09:23,357
and listen to me

2136
01:09:23,391 --> 01:09:24,859
and inspire me to do things

2137
01:09:24,893 --> 01:09:26,360
that I'd never thought I'd do.

2138
01:09:26,394 --> 01:09:27,527
Then yeah, I'm deep.

2139
01:09:27,562 --> 01:09:29,029
And you're too shallow for me.

2140
01:09:29,064 --> 01:09:30,297
- Lionel: Good luck raising money

2141
01:09:30,332 --> 01:09:31,465
for your charity

2142
01:09:31,499 --> 01:09:32,733
without auctioning off my ass

2143
01:09:32,767 --> 01:09:33,901
and my friend's asses.

2144
01:09:33,935 --> 01:09:35,069
- Zack: You wouldn't,

2145
01:09:35,103 --> 01:09:36,570
this is for the community.

2146
01:09:36,604 --> 01:09:37,738
- Lionel: Fuck the community.

2147
01:09:37,772 --> 01:09:39,740
- Zack: Lionel!

2148
01:09:42,110 --> 01:09:44,078
- Tiffani: Hello, hello queers

2149
01:09:44,112 --> 01:09:46,747
and wannabes.

2150
01:09:46,781 --> 01:09:48,082
Welcome to the tenth

2151
01:09:48,116 --> 01:09:50,751
annual male sale.

2152
01:09:50,785 --> 01:09:51,919
Tenth?

2153
01:09:51,953 --> 01:09:53,087
I didn't think

2154
01:09:53,121 --> 01:09:54,588
a gay could commit to anything

2155
01:09:54,622 --> 01:09:56,590
for that long.

2156
01:09:56,624 --> 01:09:57,925
I'm Tiffani,

2157
01:09:57,959 --> 01:10:00,594
your mattress of ceremonies.

2158
01:10:00,628 --> 01:10:02,596
- Man: I love that drag queen.

2159
01:10:02,964 --> 01:10:05,099
[laughing]

2160
01:10:05,466 --> 01:10:08,435
- Casey: Zack, I'm sorry, I...

2161
01:10:12,807 --> 01:10:13,774
- Zack: Now's your chance

2162
01:10:13,808 --> 01:10:15,042
to prove you're really here

2163
01:10:15,076 --> 01:10:16,043
to support the community.

2164
01:10:16,077 --> 01:10:17,044
- Casey: What?

2165
01:10:17,078 --> 01:10:18,312
- Zack: Lionel and his friends

2166
01:10:18,346 --> 01:10:19,579
dropped out of the auction

2167
01:10:19,614 --> 01:10:20,580
and I need you

2168
01:10:20,615 --> 01:10:21,848
and the strip master here

2169
01:10:21,883 --> 01:10:23,117
to get in your boxers

2170
01:10:23,151 --> 01:10:24,385
and let me sell you.

2171
01:10:24,419 --> 01:10:26,153
- Casey: Take off my shirt on stage?

2172
01:10:26,187 --> 01:10:27,154
Zack, I'm sorry...

2173
01:10:27,188 --> 01:10:28,422
- Zack: This is more important

2174
01:10:28,456 --> 01:10:29,423
than whoever

2175
01:10:29,457 --> 01:10:30,424
you're sleeping with

2176
01:10:30,458 --> 01:10:31,425
or lying to.

2177
01:10:31,459 --> 01:10:32,426
This money helps support

2178
01:10:32,460 --> 01:10:33,427
the Matthew Shepard

2179
01:10:33,461 --> 01:10:34,428
Youth Program,

2180
01:10:34,462 --> 01:10:35,429
the Matthew Shepard

2181
01:10:35,463 --> 01:10:36,430
reading room,

2182
01:10:36,464 --> 01:10:37,431
the Matthew Shepard hotline

2183
01:10:37,465 --> 01:10:38,432
and the Matthew Shepard

2184
01:10:38,466 --> 01:10:40,434
homeless synchronized swim team.

2185
01:10:42,137 --> 01:10:43,437
- Tiffani: Alright,

2186
01:10:43,471 --> 01:10:44,771
finally let's get

2187
01:10:44,806 --> 01:10:47,774
to the prostituting.

2188
01:10:47,809 --> 01:10:50,277
Auctioning.

2189
01:10:50,312 --> 01:10:52,779
Bring out the meat.

2190
01:10:52,814 --> 01:10:54,514
For our first stud

2191
01:10:54,549 --> 01:10:58,185
we have Lionel!

2192
01:11:02,890 --> 01:11:05,192
Casey!

2193
01:11:05,226 --> 01:11:06,360
- Helen: Woo, Casey!

2194
01:11:06,394 --> 01:11:07,861
You go boy!

2195
01:11:07,895 --> 01:11:09,029
- Tiffani: Look at his

2196
01:11:09,064 --> 01:11:12,699
rippling muscles and sexy...

2197
01:11:12,733 --> 01:11:13,867
I'm sorry,

2198
01:11:13,901 --> 01:11:15,135
this was for the guy

2199
01:11:15,170 --> 01:11:17,271
we were supposed to have.

2200
01:11:18,974 --> 01:11:23,944
Look at his...personality.

2201
01:11:23,979 --> 01:11:26,113
Casey is an out of towner

2202
01:11:26,147 --> 01:11:27,281
that enjoys

2203
01:11:27,315 --> 01:11:29,283
cruising online for Zack,

2204
01:11:29,317 --> 01:11:30,617
talking about Zack,

2205
01:11:30,651 --> 01:11:33,787
and working at Nail Me Salon.

2206
01:11:33,821 --> 01:11:34,955
Located at

2207
01:11:34,990 --> 01:11:36,457
4255 Hawthorne Lane,

2208
01:11:36,491 --> 01:11:38,459
call for an appointment.

2209
01:11:38,493 --> 01:11:41,128
Take off your shirt!

2210
01:11:41,162 --> 01:11:44,631
Ok, now we're talking.

2211
01:11:44,665 --> 01:11:46,367
Have you ever seen

2212
01:11:46,401 --> 01:11:50,371
such white flesh.

2213
01:11:50,405 --> 01:11:51,538
Ok, let's get

2214
01:11:51,572 --> 01:11:52,706
the bidding started.

2215
01:11:52,740 --> 01:11:53,874
Who's gonna be first?

2216
01:11:53,908 --> 01:11:55,042
50 dollars,

2217
01:11:55,076 --> 01:11:56,543
we got a 50 dollar bid,

2218
01:11:56,577 --> 01:11:57,711
who's gonna give me

2219
01:11:57,745 --> 01:12:00,047
a 50 dollar bid?

2220
01:12:00,081 --> 01:12:01,215
- Man 1: 10 dollars!

2221
01:12:01,249 --> 01:12:02,483
- Tiffani: Bidding starts at 50,

2222
01:12:02,517 --> 01:12:03,650
bitches.

2223
01:12:03,684 --> 01:12:04,651
- Man 2: 11!

2224
01:12:04,685 --> 01:12:05,919
- Tiffani: Take off your pants.

2225
01:12:05,953 --> 01:12:06,920
- Casey: What?

2226
01:12:06,954 --> 01:12:08,922
- Tiffani: We are desperate here.

2227
01:12:08,956 --> 01:12:10,090
And while

2228
01:12:10,125 --> 01:12:11,091
you're stripping down

2229
01:12:11,126 --> 01:12:12,259
to your beautiful

2230
01:12:12,293 --> 01:12:13,427
Andrew Christian briefs,

2231
01:12:13,461 --> 01:12:14,694
why don't you tell us

2232
01:12:14,729 --> 01:12:17,864
what the Matthew Sh'PARD program

2233
01:12:17,899 --> 01:12:19,166
at the center

2234
01:12:19,200 --> 01:12:21,668
means to you.

2235
01:12:36,051 --> 01:12:37,518
- Casey: I used to think

2236
01:12:37,552 --> 01:12:39,019
the center didn't apply to me

2237
01:12:39,054 --> 01:12:40,187
at all.

2238
01:12:40,221 --> 01:12:41,522
I thought it was

2239
01:12:41,556 --> 01:12:43,524
just a bunch of old guys

2240
01:12:43,558 --> 01:12:46,360
looking to get their rocks off.

2241
01:12:46,394 --> 01:12:48,362
But a friend

2242
01:12:48,396 --> 01:12:50,197
forced me to volunteer here

2243
01:12:50,231 --> 01:12:51,365
where I met

2244
01:12:51,399 --> 01:12:54,535
one of these old guys

2245
01:12:54,569 --> 01:12:58,038
face to face.

2246
01:12:58,073 --> 01:13:00,707
Boy, was I wrong.

2247
01:13:00,741 --> 01:13:02,543
He was a caring person,

2248
01:13:02,577 --> 01:13:03,710
emptying his wallet

2249
01:13:03,744 --> 01:13:04,878
and busting his ass

2250
01:13:04,912 --> 01:13:06,046
to make sure

2251
01:13:06,081 --> 01:13:07,214
that people like me

2252
01:13:07,248 --> 01:13:08,382
don't have to go

2253
01:13:08,416 --> 01:13:09,550
through the shit

2254
01:13:09,584 --> 01:13:11,051
that people like him had to.

2255
01:13:11,086 --> 01:13:12,219
And he's just

2256
01:13:12,253 --> 01:13:13,987
one of the dozens of people here

2257
01:13:14,021 --> 01:13:15,155
trying to help

2258
01:13:15,190 --> 01:13:18,658
thousands of kids like me.

2259
01:13:18,693 --> 01:13:20,160
I started this summer

2260
01:13:20,195 --> 01:13:23,330
feeling at odds

2261
01:13:23,364 --> 01:13:25,165
with the gay community

2262
01:13:25,200 --> 01:13:28,502
but now

2263
01:13:28,536 --> 01:13:30,003
I look out at your faces

2264
01:13:30,037 --> 01:13:33,507
and I see a friend

2265
01:13:33,541 --> 01:13:34,674
who will do anything

2266
01:13:34,709 --> 01:13:35,842
to protect the people

2267
01:13:35,876 --> 01:13:37,511
close to her.

2268
01:13:37,545 --> 01:13:38,678
An example for me

2269
01:13:38,713 --> 01:13:41,348
to aspire to.

2270
01:13:41,382 --> 01:13:44,851
A bitch when you need one.

2271
01:13:44,885 --> 01:13:46,186
A family

2272
01:13:46,221 --> 01:13:47,687
that won't let you fail

2273
01:13:47,722 --> 01:13:48,855
even when you've

2274
01:13:48,889 --> 01:13:51,858
already given up on yourself.

2275
01:13:51,892 --> 01:13:53,026
And a leader,

2276
01:13:53,060 --> 01:13:54,294
who can change the way

2277
01:13:54,329 --> 01:13:55,462
we see each other

2278
01:13:55,497 --> 01:13:56,630
and teach us

2279
01:13:56,664 --> 01:13:57,797
about the things

2280
01:13:57,832 --> 01:13:59,533
that really matter.

2281
01:14:01,068 --> 01:14:03,870
And I couldn't be prouder

2282
01:14:03,904 --> 01:14:05,372
to be a part of this.

2283
01:14:05,406 --> 01:14:06,540
- Man 1: 100 dollars.

2284
01:14:06,574 --> 01:14:08,041
- Man 2: 200 dollars.

2285
01:14:08,075 --> 01:14:10,043
- Man 3: 500 dollars.

2286
01:14:11,078 --> 01:14:12,379
- Tiffani: This is an

2287
01:14:12,413 --> 01:14:15,715
unexpected surprise.

2288
01:14:15,750 --> 01:14:17,717
500 dollars,

2289
01:14:17,752 --> 01:14:19,219
we have a 500 dollar bid,

2290
01:14:19,254 --> 01:14:21,221
who's gonna give me 600?

2291
01:14:21,256 --> 01:14:24,224
- Zack: 3,200 dollars.

2292
01:14:24,259 --> 01:14:26,560
- Tiffani: What?

2293
01:14:27,595 --> 01:14:31,064
- Zack: 3,200 dollars.

2294
01:14:31,098 --> 01:14:32,566
- Tiffani: Not to be rude

2295
01:14:32,600 --> 01:14:33,733
or anything but,

2296
01:14:33,768 --> 01:14:34,901
bitch, do you have

2297
01:14:34,935 --> 01:14:36,069
that kind of money?

2298
01:14:36,103 --> 01:14:37,404
- Casey: That's your Italy money.

2299
01:14:37,438 --> 01:14:39,406
- Zack: I don't need to go to Italy

2300
01:14:39,440 --> 01:14:41,074
for romance.

2301
01:14:41,108 --> 01:14:43,410
- Tiffani: Sold!

2302
01:14:43,778 --> 01:14:55,088
[clapping]

2303
01:14:55,790 --> 01:14:57,924
- Helen: Look at that sweet smile,

2304
01:14:57,958 --> 01:15:01,094
you're precious.

2305
01:15:01,128 --> 01:15:02,929
- Zack: Ryan1989,

2306
01:15:02,963 --> 01:15:04,097
you are way hotter

2307
01:15:04,131 --> 01:15:05,265
than your pic.

2308
01:15:05,300 --> 01:15:08,268
- Casey: I'm so glad I stalked you.

2309
01:15:08,636 --> 01:15:23,783
#

2310
01:15:24,151 --> 01:15:25,385
- Tiffani: It's not as hot

2311
01:15:25,420 --> 01:15:26,553
without your dick

2312
01:15:26,588 --> 01:15:28,021
in the middle.