1 00:00:40,587 --> 00:00:42,521 [Murmuring] 2 00:00:42,589 --> 00:00:45,456 [Bell Ringing] 3 00:00:45,525 --> 00:00:48,392 Hey, check it out. Look at those two losers. 4 00:00:48,462 --> 00:00:52,159 Hi, everyone. We're Connie.And Carla. 5 00:00:52,232 --> 00:00:54,166 Nerds! Attention, please. 6 00:00:54,234 --> 00:00:57,601 The yearbook committee will meet today at 3:40 in the library. 7 00:00:57,671 --> 00:01:00,469 Good crowd. Connie, are you sure we should? 8 00:01:00,540 --> 00:01:03,134 Don't forget the harmony in the second verse, okay? 9 00:01:03,210 --> 00:01:05,144 Okay. This is going to work, Carla. 10 00:01:05,212 --> 00:01:08,545 We just have to stick to my plan. Right. The plan. 11 00:01:08,615 --> 00:01:11,743 We're gonna be huge. Huge! 12 00:01:11,818 --> 00:01:15,447 All students registered for the planetarium field trip... 13 00:01:15,522 --> 00:01:17,513 should now be on the bus. 14 00:01:17,591 --> 00:01:20,458 Get off the stage! 15 00:01:20,527 --> 00:01:26,591 ♪ Oklahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plain ♪ 16 00:01:26,666 --> 00:01:30,124 ♪ And the waving wheat can sure smell sweet ♪ They're freaks. 17 00:01:30,203 --> 00:01:33,798 ♪ Where the wind comes right behind the rain ♪ 18 00:01:33,874 --> 00:01:40,973 ♪ Oklahoma every night my honey lamb and I ♪ 19 00:01:41,047 --> 00:01:43,914 ♪ We sit alone and talk and watch a hawk ♪ 20 00:01:43,984 --> 00:01:47,977 ♪ Making lazy circles in the sky Oklahoma ♪♪ 21 00:01:49,956 --> 00:01:52,720 22 00:01:52,793 --> 00:01:56,923 - [Woman On P.A. 31-B. ♪Jesus Christ ♪ 23 00:01:56,997 --> 00:01:59,431 ♪ Superstar ♪ 24 00:01:59,499 --> 00:02:02,059 ♪ Do you think you're ♪ 25 00:02:02,135 --> 00:02:05,764 ♪ What they say you are ♪ 26 00:02:07,407 --> 00:02:10,171 ♪ Papa, can you hear me ♪ 27 00:02:10,243 --> 00:02:13,679 ♪ Papa, are you near me ♪ 28 00:02:13,747 --> 00:02:17,012 ♪ Papa, how I miss you ♪ 29 00:02:17,083 --> 00:02:21,076 ♪ Kissing me ♪ 30 00:02:21,154 --> 00:02:27,150 ♪ Good night ♪ 31 00:02:27,227 --> 00:02:32,460 ♪ Papa ♪♪ 32 00:02:32,532 --> 00:02:35,831 - Thank you. You've been a great crowd. All of you. 33 00:02:35,902 --> 00:02:38,462 34 00:02:38,538 --> 00:02:41,166 35 00:02:45,278 --> 00:02:47,610 ♪ Memory ♪ 36 00:02:47,681 --> 00:02:51,617 ♪ All alone in the moonlight ♪ 37 00:02:51,685 --> 00:02:53,619 ♪ I can smile at the... ♪♪ 38 00:02:53,687 --> 00:02:55,882 And the greatest thing about that car show is... 39 00:02:55,956 --> 00:02:59,050 you can sit in any car you want for as long as you want. 40 00:02:59,125 --> 00:03:01,616 Yeah, I remember that from last year. 41 00:03:01,695 --> 00:03:06,860 Cut it out, Al. You know, Carla. Me and Al just got this new job. 42 00:03:06,933 --> 00:03:09,527 We're loading stuff in this warehouse. It's great. Oh, that's great! 43 00:03:09,603 --> 00:03:11,537 What's your problem? I'm trying to eat, okay? 44 00:03:11,605 --> 00:03:15,405 What are you doing here anyway? I told you we broke up. 45 00:03:15,475 --> 00:03:18,672 Again? Let's go, Carla. 46 00:03:18,745 --> 00:03:21,270 Where you going? Mikey, the second show. 47 00:03:21,348 --> 00:03:24,112 Yeah, Mikey, the second show. Have some respect. 48 00:03:24,184 --> 00:03:27,517 Don't you realize we're in the presence of the great waitresses? 49 00:03:27,587 --> 00:03:29,521 Al, shut it. No, you shut it, Connie. 50 00:03:29,589 --> 00:03:32,581 You and that stupid show. You're like sad, you know. 51 00:03:32,659 --> 00:03:36,686 After all these years, just face the fact, it's not gonna happen and give up. 52 00:03:36,763 --> 00:03:39,254 What? What's your problem? 53 00:03:39,332 --> 00:03:42,392 What is wrong with you? Why can't you just be normal? 54 00:03:42,469 --> 00:03:47,202 Al, I only have one life. I want it to be a happy one. 55 00:03:47,274 --> 00:03:51,040 Let's get outta here. Come on, Carla. 56 00:03:52,746 --> 00:03:56,079 Carla, please? Let's go. 57 00:03:58,485 --> 00:04:01,079 You're a dreamer, Connie. Wake up. 58 00:04:02,789 --> 00:04:05,917 I told you that layover from Madison would bring people in. 59 00:04:05,992 --> 00:04:08,119 Connie. Carla. 60 00:04:08,194 --> 00:04:10,526 Oh, we're gonna be able to pay you back soon, Frank. 61 00:04:10,597 --> 00:04:14,226 Frank, we needed more wigs than we thought, and we have to do some advertising. 62 00:04:15,302 --> 00:04:18,362 Good show. Oh! 63 00:04:18,438 --> 00:04:20,463 You girls are great! 64 00:04:20,540 --> 00:04:23,236 I gotta go see about a delivery. Thanks, Frank. 65 00:04:23,310 --> 00:04:25,244 66 00:04:25,312 --> 00:04:29,112 Hey, Frank. Rudy's looking for you. 67 00:04:42,996 --> 00:04:44,964 Carla...Dinner theater will be so in again. 68 00:04:45,031 --> 00:04:47,499 Yeah, Debbie Reynolds definitely knew what she was doing. 69 00:04:47,567 --> 00:04:50,195 Debbie Reynolds? Darling. 70 00:04:50,270 --> 00:04:53,103 Chins up, boobs out! It's showtime! 71 00:04:53,173 --> 00:04:55,073 Oh. Actually, the show's over. Sorry. 72 00:04:55,141 --> 00:04:58,076 If you're flying through, come back in a month when the show will be huge. 73 00:04:58,144 --> 00:04:59,441 We're Connie. And Carla. 74 00:04:59,512 --> 00:05:02,072 Do you like musicals? Stop talking, strange women. 75 00:05:02,148 --> 00:05:05,914 I can tell by your lovely accent you're a visitor to this country, and welcome. 76 00:05:05,986 --> 00:05:10,252 Where is fat man? He has a gland problem. 77 00:05:10,323 --> 00:05:12,314 78 00:05:13,393 --> 00:05:15,293 Where's Frank? 79 00:05:16,630 --> 00:05:19,121 Uh, he just left, Rudy. 80 00:05:19,199 --> 00:05:22,134 Where does he park? On the rooftop. 81 00:05:22,202 --> 00:05:24,363 Tibor, let's go. 82 00:05:24,437 --> 00:05:26,371 83 00:05:26,439 --> 00:05:29,840 Nice to meet you, Connie. Carla. 84 00:05:34,180 --> 00:05:36,648 85 00:05:36,716 --> 00:05:38,843 We gotta warn Frank. Let's go. 86 00:05:38,918 --> 00:05:40,852 87 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,218 The shipment is short...again! 88 00:05:43,289 --> 00:05:45,223 I didn't take anything, Rudy. 89 00:05:45,291 --> 00:05:47,725 You were the only one who handled the transport. 90 00:05:47,794 --> 00:05:50,024 So now I have to kill ya. 91 00:05:50,096 --> 00:05:52,826 Let's go get security. Okay. Look. 92 00:05:52,899 --> 00:05:55,834 You know, Frank, I'm always the one. How long's this been going on? 93 00:05:55,902 --> 00:05:58,393 Look. Just in time. How long? 94 00:05:58,471 --> 00:06:00,462 95 00:06:02,442 --> 00:06:06,845 Officer, look. These guys are big-time coke dealers. 96 00:06:06,913 --> 00:06:09,814 You take me in, I'll tell you anything you wanna know, okay? 97 00:06:09,883 --> 00:06:12,374 I left the stuff back at the Traveler's Lounge with some girls. 98 00:06:12,452 --> 00:06:14,647 You just go and ask for Connie and Carla. 99 00:06:14,721 --> 00:06:17,246 Connie and Carla. 100 00:06:20,093 --> 00:06:22,357 101 00:06:25,932 --> 00:06:29,026 102 00:06:29,102 --> 00:06:30,899 It's Connie and Carla. 103 00:06:30,970 --> 00:06:33,370 104 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:35,908 Oh! Oh, my God! 105 00:06:38,311 --> 00:06:40,279 106 00:06:40,346 --> 00:06:43,782 107 00:06:48,621 --> 00:06:52,113 108 00:06:52,192 --> 00:06:54,183 Carla, please. Carla... 109 00:06:54,260 --> 00:06:57,787 Okay, why the throat? I can't believe you would actually... 110 00:06:57,864 --> 00:07:02,028 Carla, calm down. Your voice is giving me cramps. Those guys are gonna kill us! 111 00:07:02,102 --> 00:07:04,400 Carla, we're okay. We're okay. Oh, my God, there they are! 112 00:07:08,274 --> 00:07:10,606 Did I get 'em? 113 00:07:10,677 --> 00:07:13,271 They're still coming. They're coming! 114 00:07:13,346 --> 00:07:15,280 115 00:07:15,982 --> 00:07:17,381 Please say where you're going. We don't know, Ma. 116 00:07:17,450 --> 00:07:19,714 We just suddenly realized we have to make a move for our careers. 117 00:07:19,786 --> 00:07:22,983 We're not in trouble or anything. Connie. Carla. 118 00:07:23,056 --> 00:07:26,048 Are you prostitutes? 119 00:07:26,126 --> 00:07:27,991 We'll call you! 120 00:07:28,061 --> 00:07:31,462 121 00:07:31,531 --> 00:07:34,056 What is that? 122 00:07:34,134 --> 00:07:35,999 What are you doing here? Your moms called. 123 00:07:36,069 --> 00:07:38,765 Where are you going? We're going away for a while. 124 00:07:38,838 --> 00:07:41,739 Yeah, oh, I get it. Last week, you supposedly break up with me. 125 00:07:41,808 --> 00:07:45,335 Now you pretend you're leaving and bum-ba-ba-da, I'm supposed to propose. 126 00:07:45,411 --> 00:07:50,075 You want us to marry you. What are you talking about? We're not even pre-engaged. 127 00:07:50,150 --> 00:07:53,813 Mikey, if you wanna propose, I'm ready. Oh. 128 00:07:53,887 --> 00:07:56,651 Mikey, don't get trapped. We've been dating other girls anyway. 129 00:07:56,723 --> 00:07:58,748 Yeah, we've been...What? 130 00:08:01,528 --> 00:08:04,122 Oh! Drive, Thelma, drive! 131 00:08:09,068 --> 00:08:11,002 132 00:08:15,108 --> 00:08:18,509 133 00:08:25,952 --> 00:08:28,477 What do you got? 134 00:08:28,555 --> 00:08:31,991 Sputnik, you can't find two stupid women, 135 00:08:32,058 --> 00:08:35,789 who have my kilo and saw me blow someone's head off? 136 00:08:35,862 --> 00:08:38,422 This is all that was there. 137 00:08:43,536 --> 00:08:45,470 Business contacts. 138 00:08:45,538 --> 00:08:48,507 Old Town Dinner Theater, St. Louis. 139 00:08:48,575 --> 00:08:51,738 Lincoln House Dinner Theater, Kansas City. 140 00:08:51,811 --> 00:08:54,245 Balcony Dinner Theater, Little Rock. They've left town. 141 00:08:59,886 --> 00:09:02,753 Wait. Where's my work tote? Oh, God! 142 00:09:02,822 --> 00:09:06,189 I think you left it! Oh, great! Now those guys know everything about us. 143 00:09:06,259 --> 00:09:09,820 You don't have our home address in there, do you? No, no, no. 144 00:09:09,896 --> 00:09:12,990 We should just go to the police. A cop shot poor Frank! 145 00:09:13,066 --> 00:09:15,398 Just let me think, all right? I'm trying to make up a new plan. 146 00:09:15,468 --> 00:09:17,402 Where can we go? 147 00:09:18,504 --> 00:09:20,495 New York? 148 00:09:20,573 --> 00:09:22,666 New York's too obvious. Florida? 149 00:09:22,742 --> 00:09:24,573 Florida? They can't hide. 150 00:09:24,644 --> 00:09:27,875 We can't hide! We gotta go someplace where we can just blend in. 151 00:09:27,947 --> 00:09:30,415 Okay. Somewhere where they'd never look for us, 152 00:09:30,483 --> 00:09:32,713 because there's no theater, no musical theater, 153 00:09:32,785 --> 00:09:34,719 no dinner theater, no culture at all. 154 00:09:37,090 --> 00:09:41,254 Los Angeles. 155 00:09:43,930 --> 00:09:46,364 We could be L.A. girls now. 156 00:09:46,432 --> 00:09:48,593 We should work out. 157 00:09:49,669 --> 00:09:52,103 158 00:09:53,907 --> 00:09:56,068 Good one. Thank you. 159 00:09:58,845 --> 00:10:02,281 Oh. Oh, I think I have a tissue. 160 00:10:02,348 --> 00:10:04,578 Here. Thank you. 161 00:10:05,652 --> 00:10:07,813 What's this? 162 00:10:07,887 --> 00:10:10,082 I don't know. 163 00:10:11,190 --> 00:10:13,124 164 00:10:13,192 --> 00:10:15,217 I can't see! 165 00:10:15,295 --> 00:10:17,820 Oh, it tastes really funny! Don't inhale! 166 00:10:17,897 --> 00:10:21,094 Spit it out! Stop breathing! 167 00:10:21,167 --> 00:10:23,931 Where'd you get that? I didn't get it! 168 00:10:24,003 --> 00:10:26,130 Carla! It was in your bag! 169 00:10:26,205 --> 00:10:30,073 170 00:10:34,180 --> 00:10:36,375 We've been rehearsing a lot, and he's got that new job. 171 00:10:36,449 --> 00:10:39,646 What if he doesn't even have any job? What if he's found somebody else? Yeah, yeah, that's it. 172 00:10:39,719 --> 00:10:42,745 I think Mikey cheated on me, 'cause I was always working nights. It's not his fault. 173 00:10:42,822 --> 00:10:45,052 It was probably that waitress at Dodo's Diner. The blond? 174 00:10:45,124 --> 00:10:47,786 She always looks at him funny when she brings him his cheese melt. Hi, Mikey. 175 00:10:47,860 --> 00:10:51,091 [Laughs, Scoffs] She makes me sick, she's so sweet. 176 00:10:51,164 --> 00:10:53,098 So sweet. Like the devil in devil's food cake. 177 00:10:53,166 --> 00:10:55,691 She just... She makes me wanna puke. She makes me wanna vomit. 178 00:10:55,768 --> 00:10:59,204 It's okay, Carla. It's okay. 179 00:10:59,272 --> 00:11:02,173 We deserve better, that's for sure. 180 00:11:02,241 --> 00:11:04,175 181 00:11:06,045 --> 00:11:09,014 You know what? No more time for losers, Carla. 182 00:11:09,082 --> 00:11:11,016 183 00:11:11,084 --> 00:11:14,349 When one door closes, another door opens. 184 00:11:14,420 --> 00:11:17,287 Yeah, life is like a patio door. You never know which side is gonna be open. 185 00:11:17,357 --> 00:11:19,450 Mm-hmm, and you walk into the glass. 186 00:11:29,569 --> 00:11:32,834 ♪ Get your motor runnin'♪ 187 00:11:32,905 --> 00:11:36,136 ♪ Head out on the highway ♪ 188 00:11:36,209 --> 00:11:38,677 ♪ Lookin' for adventure ♪ 189 00:11:38,745 --> 00:11:42,806 ♪ In whatever comes our way ♪ 190 00:11:42,882 --> 00:11:46,045 ♪ Yeah, darling gonna make it happen ♪ 191 00:11:46,119 --> 00:11:49,418 ♪ Take the world in a lovely embrace ♪ 192 00:11:49,489 --> 00:11:52,549 ♪ Fire all of your guns at once and ♪ 193 00:11:52,625 --> 00:11:55,492 ♪ Explode into space ♪ 194 00:11:55,561 --> 00:11:59,327 ♪ Born to be wild ♪♪ 195 00:12:00,933 --> 00:12:03,868 They look friendly here. Oh, I really like it here. 196 00:12:03,936 --> 00:12:06,871 Me too. I got a good feeling about this, Carla. 197 00:12:06,939 --> 00:12:09,339 Yeah? Me too. Yeah. Okay. 198 00:12:09,409 --> 00:12:12,105 It really feels safe here. 199 00:12:12,178 --> 00:12:14,669 Oh, gunshot! Oh, Connie, they found us! 200 00:12:14,747 --> 00:12:18,080 We're gonna die! Let me look! 201 00:12:18,151 --> 00:12:21,086 202 00:12:21,154 --> 00:12:23,714 Oh, we're okay. We're okay. 203 00:12:23,790 --> 00:12:26,054 204 00:12:27,193 --> 00:12:29,218 Oh, cute! 205 00:12:29,295 --> 00:12:33,925 Don't bother, Carla. They're all just Als and Mikeys with a tan. 206 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,093 No more boyfriends for us. 207 00:12:37,703 --> 00:12:40,035 Oh, wait, back up! Back up! 208 00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:50,376 209 00:12:52,351 --> 00:12:54,615 Where are you? Are you okay? 210 00:12:54,687 --> 00:12:56,416 They're not okay. Are you eating? Okay, Mom... 211 00:12:56,489 --> 00:12:58,957 We're eating, Ma. Well, what are you doing for money? 212 00:12:59,025 --> 00:13:02,984 I'm sure they've got jobs. As prostitutes. 213 00:13:03,062 --> 00:13:07,465 I'd be hard pressed to say I can't remember a better-looking group of tourists. And I mean that. 214 00:13:07,533 --> 00:13:11,196 I hope you're ready, 'cause today is the day when all the stars are coming out. 215 00:13:11,270 --> 00:13:13,670 So, keep your cameras ready, 'cause here we go. 216 00:13:13,739 --> 00:13:15,969 Oh, look at that. 217 00:13:16,042 --> 00:13:18,101 Another celebrity getting arrested. 218 00:13:18,177 --> 00:13:20,907 Kidding. I'm kidding. Okay. Now... 219 00:13:20,980 --> 00:13:23,915 Excuse me, sir? Could we please drive by Debbie Reynolds's house? 220 00:13:23,983 --> 00:13:26,781 Oh, yeah! Ah, no. That's not on the tour. 221 00:13:26,853 --> 00:13:31,085 Keep your eyes peeled both left and right, because celebrities...Sir? 222 00:13:31,157 --> 00:13:34,490 will just pop at you at anytime. Sir? 223 00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:37,154 Hi. Are there any dinner theaters in town? 224 00:13:37,230 --> 00:13:39,596 Uh, not in this decade. 225 00:13:40,733 --> 00:13:42,701 Now...Sir, isn't there a place... 226 00:13:42,768 --> 00:13:46,169 Where we could sit for dinner and a show? Yeah, my face. 227 00:13:54,147 --> 00:13:57,446 Hey, it's Jeff. I, uh, I came by to see you again, 228 00:13:57,517 --> 00:14:00,111 but, uh, you're not home again. 229 00:14:00,186 --> 00:14:03,155 But, uh, I'm bound to run into you sometime, right? 230 00:14:03,222 --> 00:14:07,818 I'm gonna keep trying. So, uh, anyway, l-I can't wait to see you. 231 00:14:07,894 --> 00:14:10,920 I will, uh, I will talk to you later. 232 00:14:17,136 --> 00:14:19,798 Thanks. You're welcome. 233 00:14:26,412 --> 00:14:28,710 None of these jobs pay real money. 234 00:14:28,781 --> 00:14:31,409 I know. I'll go make some calls. 235 00:14:31,484 --> 00:14:33,645 236 00:14:33,719 --> 00:14:36,017 We'll find something. 237 00:14:36,088 --> 00:14:40,650 We're the only salon in Los Angeles that does the hijiki herbal clay wrap. 238 00:14:40,726 --> 00:14:43,490 You have done wrapping before. 239 00:14:43,563 --> 00:14:46,396 Oh, yeah. There was a ton of these salons in France. 240 00:14:46,465 --> 00:14:50,367 Where we're from...originally. 241 00:14:50,436 --> 00:14:52,666 Oh. Très bien. 242 00:14:54,140 --> 00:14:58,577 You can finish it then. Seal it tightly with ductile sheathing. 243 00:14:58,644 --> 00:15:01,112 Right. 244 00:15:01,180 --> 00:15:03,239 Excuse me, Mrs. Morse. Oh, sure. 245 00:15:06,586 --> 00:15:08,520 246 00:15:13,926 --> 00:15:15,860 Is that too tight? No, no, this is good. 247 00:15:15,928 --> 00:15:18,726 It'll help squish out all that water I've been retaining. 248 00:15:18,798 --> 00:15:21,232 Fifteen pounds to go. Mrs. Morse, you're thin. 249 00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:23,734 No, no, I'm not. But you are, really. 250 00:15:23,803 --> 00:15:25,293 No. No. Your leg is... 251 00:15:25,371 --> 00:15:27,396 252 00:15:27,473 --> 00:15:30,442 Can't even get my butt through this door. 253 00:15:30,509 --> 00:15:32,909 Hello. The "I hate my body" salon. 254 00:15:32,979 --> 00:15:38,076 May I help you? Hello? Hello? Hello? Oh, they're gone. 255 00:15:38,150 --> 00:15:41,119 256 00:15:42,054 --> 00:15:45,546 Mrs. Morse, are you okay? 257 00:15:45,625 --> 00:15:47,593 Well, the girl said it's the new look. 258 00:15:47,660 --> 00:15:49,821 Straw hair and beige lipstick? 259 00:15:49,895 --> 00:15:53,058 Well, it's the new California look, right? 260 00:15:53,132 --> 00:15:55,498 Yeah, for dead Californians. Oh. 261 00:15:55,568 --> 00:15:58,731 Don't be sad. We can help you. 262 00:16:07,580 --> 00:16:10,208 263 00:16:10,283 --> 00:16:13,411 I love it! 264 00:16:13,486 --> 00:16:15,647 You're fired! 265 00:16:17,723 --> 00:16:20,988 Now we don't have any money for rent. This is so hard! 266 00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:23,392 I miss Mikey. And poor Frank is dead. 267 00:16:23,462 --> 00:16:26,226 When they find us, we're dead too. 268 00:16:26,299 --> 00:16:28,324 Oh! What are you doing? 269 00:16:28,401 --> 00:16:30,335 We need to get drunk. What? 270 00:16:32,872 --> 00:16:36,535 271 00:16:55,294 --> 00:16:58,821 272 00:17:04,236 --> 00:17:07,262 Shake it again! 273 00:17:11,477 --> 00:17:15,573 ♪ Shake your groove thing Shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah ♪ 274 00:17:16,649 --> 00:17:18,708 ♪ Show 'em how they do it now ♪ 275 00:17:18,784 --> 00:17:24,086 276 00:17:24,156 --> 00:17:27,887 277 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:32,522 They sound great. They're lip-synching. 278 00:17:32,598 --> 00:17:35,089 ♪ Strut our stuff♪ 279 00:17:35,167 --> 00:17:38,728 ♪ The music gives us a chance ♪ 280 00:17:38,804 --> 00:17:40,738 Mary. Yes, Mary? 281 00:17:40,806 --> 00:17:43,434 Did you hear, they're moving their act to Vegas. 282 00:17:43,509 --> 00:17:45,875 Wow! This is it. 283 00:17:45,945 --> 00:17:48,846 If we could do our act here, I could die happy. 284 00:17:48,914 --> 00:17:51,075 Can anyone audition? 285 00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:54,347 Yes, I can. We're going to get the job. 286 00:17:54,420 --> 00:17:58,117 Now don't get your hopes up, sweetie. It's an audition. We have to practice tomorrow. 287 00:17:58,190 --> 00:18:03,093 Ooh, I know what we're going to wear. Chickapow! 288 00:18:07,333 --> 00:18:11,099 ♪ We've got the rhythm tonight ♪♪ 289 00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:14,833 Are you crazy? 290 00:18:14,907 --> 00:18:17,432 Why not? Because we're women. 291 00:18:17,510 --> 00:18:21,310 No one needs to know that. No way, Connie. No way. 292 00:18:21,380 --> 00:18:24,372 Ready. Smile. 293 00:18:40,299 --> 00:18:42,233 Yeah? 294 00:18:42,301 --> 00:18:45,998 Mary, we heard you're looking for a new act. 295 00:18:46,071 --> 00:18:50,235 That's right, Mr. Mary. 296 00:18:51,744 --> 00:18:56,477 Doll, stop praying. You're looking at the Second Coming. 297 00:18:57,550 --> 00:19:01,646 Sign in. Go backstage. You're on last. 298 00:19:07,860 --> 00:19:10,761 God, I'm beautiful. Where'd you find that though? 299 00:19:10,830 --> 00:19:12,855 Really? Here you go, girl. 300 00:19:12,932 --> 00:19:15,992 Oh, tape, tape. Thank you. 301 00:19:16,068 --> 00:19:18,764 Oh, here, here, here, here. 302 00:19:18,838 --> 00:19:21,636 Thanks. There you go. Thank you. 303 00:19:23,943 --> 00:19:27,435 All right, try this. "Girl, what you wearing, your prom dress?" 304 00:19:27,513 --> 00:19:31,745 [Snaps Fingers] Girl, what you wearing your prom dress for? 305 00:19:31,817 --> 00:19:34,115 Better? 306 00:19:34,186 --> 00:19:36,586 Mm-hmm. What about our voices? 307 00:19:36,655 --> 00:19:40,921 Way too high to be guys. Yeah, this is gonna lower the key. 308 00:19:40,993 --> 00:19:44,224 [Tape Squeaks] Don't forget to adjust on the harmony. 309 00:19:44,296 --> 00:19:46,230 310 00:19:46,298 --> 00:19:48,425 Carla, come on. Throw your shoulders back. Have some attitude. 311 00:19:48,501 --> 00:19:50,765 God, these tight tops make us so flat. 312 00:19:50,836 --> 00:19:55,796 Right. And we look just like them, except they have these. There. 313 00:19:57,510 --> 00:20:00,502 Al and Mikey were right. We are dreamers. 314 00:20:00,579 --> 00:20:03,275 That audience is gonna see straight through us, and it could get ugly. 315 00:20:03,349 --> 00:20:06,409 Carla, for one night, we get to sing again. 316 00:20:06,485 --> 00:20:10,285 Come on. Chins up, boobs out. It's showtime. 317 00:20:11,490 --> 00:20:13,890 Shazam! 318 00:20:14,593 --> 00:20:16,925 It's just a jump to the left 319 00:20:16,996 --> 00:20:19,430 And then a step to the right 320 00:20:19,498 --> 00:20:22,365 With your hands on your hips 321 00:20:22,434 --> 00:20:24,732 Your bring your knees in tight 322 00:20:24,803 --> 00:20:27,101 But it's the pelvic thrust 323 00:20:27,172 --> 00:20:30,835 That really drives you insane 324 00:20:30,910 --> 00:20:35,870 Let's do the Time Warp again 325 00:20:36,982 --> 00:20:39,416 326 00:20:45,090 --> 00:20:48,787 How 'bout a big hand... 327 00:20:48,861 --> 00:20:53,298 for our very own Peaches 'N'Cream. 328 00:20:53,365 --> 00:20:55,299 That's not what...You were hitting me with that duster. 329 00:20:55,367 --> 00:20:57,198 I loved it. You were better than me. 330 00:20:57,269 --> 00:21:00,932 All right, our next act is in town from, uh, Winnipeg. 331 00:21:01,006 --> 00:21:04,134 They're new, so be nice...You didn't tell them our real names. 332 00:21:04,209 --> 00:21:07,645 I took care of it. All right, please welcome... 333 00:21:07,713 --> 00:21:09,772 Al and Mikey. 334 00:21:13,018 --> 00:21:15,077 335 00:21:20,826 --> 00:21:25,195 336 00:21:26,565 --> 00:21:28,829 Oh, Cabaret. Original. 337 00:21:28,901 --> 00:21:32,302 Wait, it's Liza...again. 338 00:21:34,540 --> 00:21:36,201 I can't do it! Yes, you can. 339 00:21:36,275 --> 00:21:39,711 340 00:21:39,778 --> 00:21:42,804 341 00:21:50,155 --> 00:21:52,988 Maybe this time 342 00:21:53,058 --> 00:21:55,822 I'll be lucky 343 00:21:55,894 --> 00:21:59,091 ♪ Maybe this time he'll stay ♪ 344 00:22:01,333 --> 00:22:04,200 ♪ Maybe this time ♪ 345 00:22:04,269 --> 00:22:07,170 ♪ For the first time ♪ 346 00:22:07,239 --> 00:22:10,436 ♪ Love won't hurry away ♪ 347 00:22:10,509 --> 00:22:14,707 Is she singing? Yes, he is. 348 00:22:14,780 --> 00:22:18,477 ♪ He will hold me fast ♪ 349 00:22:18,550 --> 00:22:20,780 ♪ I'll be home ♪ 350 00:22:20,853 --> 00:22:24,220 ♪ At last ♪ 351 00:22:24,289 --> 00:22:28,555 ♪ Not a loser anymore ♪ 352 00:22:28,627 --> 00:22:31,721 ♪ Like the last time and ♪ 353 00:22:31,797 --> 00:22:35,198 ♪ The time before ♪ 354 00:22:35,267 --> 00:22:37,633 ♪ Everybody ♪ 355 00:22:37,703 --> 00:22:40,365 ♪ Loves a winner ♪ 356 00:22:40,439 --> 00:22:45,138 ♪ So nobody loved me ♪ 357 00:22:45,210 --> 00:22:48,236 ♪ Lady peaceful ♪ 358 00:22:48,313 --> 00:22:50,941 ♪ Lady happy ♪ 359 00:22:51,016 --> 00:22:56,181 ♪ That's what I long to be ♪ 360 00:22:56,255 --> 00:22:58,815 ♪ All the odds are ♪ 361 00:22:58,891 --> 00:23:01,325 ♪ Him I favor ♪ 362 00:23:01,393 --> 00:23:07,229 ♪ Something's bound to begin ♪ 363 00:23:07,299 --> 00:23:09,233 ♪ It's gonna happen ♪ 364 00:23:09,301 --> 00:23:11,895 ♪ Happen sometime ♪ 365 00:23:11,970 --> 00:23:14,598 ♪ Maybe this time ♪ 366 00:23:14,673 --> 00:23:17,233 ♪ Maybe this time ♪ 367 00:23:17,309 --> 00:23:25,944 ♪ I'll win ♪♪ 368 00:23:26,018 --> 00:23:28,919 369 00:23:36,128 --> 00:23:39,586 370 00:23:41,133 --> 00:23:43,067 Oh! Oh, my God! 371 00:23:43,135 --> 00:23:45,296 372 00:23:47,172 --> 00:23:49,640 We're Connie... 373 00:23:51,744 --> 00:23:55,271 And Carla. More! 374 00:23:55,347 --> 00:23:57,907 Hit it! 375 00:23:57,983 --> 00:24:02,249 ♪ I'm just a girl who can't say no ♪ 376 00:24:02,321 --> 00:24:04,812 ♪ I'm in a terrible fix ♪ 377 00:24:05,824 --> 00:24:10,989 ♪ I always say, " " Come on, let's go" Just when I oughta say ♪♪ 378 00:24:11,063 --> 00:24:14,863 ♪ Don't cry for me, Argentina ♪ 379 00:24:14,933 --> 00:24:18,960 ♪ The truth is I never left you ♪ 380 00:24:19,037 --> 00:24:22,939 ♪ All through my wild days my mad existence ♪ 381 00:24:23,008 --> 00:24:27,741 ♪ I kept my promise Don't keep your distance ♪ 382 00:24:36,121 --> 00:24:38,214 ♪ Have I said too much ♪ 383 00:24:38,290 --> 00:24:43,785 ♪ There's nothing more I can think of to say to you ♪ 384 00:24:45,531 --> 00:24:49,661 ♪ But all you have to do is look at me to know ♪ 385 00:24:49,735 --> 00:24:55,731 ♪ That every word is true ♪ 386 00:24:55,808 --> 00:24:59,938 ♪ Don't cry for me, Argentina ♪ 387 00:25:00,012 --> 00:25:04,108 ♪ The truth is I never left you ♪ 388 00:25:04,183 --> 00:25:08,142 ♪ All through my wild days my mad existence ♪ 389 00:25:08,220 --> 00:25:12,850 ♪ I kept my promise Don't keep your distance ♪ 390 00:25:18,897 --> 00:25:21,661 391 00:25:21,733 --> 00:25:25,294 392 00:25:26,738 --> 00:25:29,172 393 00:25:29,241 --> 00:25:32,404 Oh! Oh! Oh! What just happened? Oh, my God! 394 00:25:32,477 --> 00:25:35,810 Oh, you guys! Where the hell did you queens come from? 395 00:25:35,881 --> 00:25:37,815 The Evita stuff made me tingle. 396 00:25:37,883 --> 00:25:41,250 Wednesdays and Sundays, 200 a week. 397 00:25:42,654 --> 00:25:45,851 Three hundred a week and 10% of the door. 398 00:25:45,924 --> 00:25:47,687 No way. Okay, fine. 399 00:25:50,162 --> 00:25:53,325 Congratulations. You guys are fabulous. Thanks. Thank you. 400 00:25:53,398 --> 00:25:55,332 Come on, Toto. 401 00:26:00,339 --> 00:26:03,467 Having trouble making ends meet. Not the first time. 402 00:26:03,542 --> 00:26:05,942 May not be able to pay you that much. 403 00:26:07,546 --> 00:26:09,605 That's okay. Yeah. 404 00:26:09,681 --> 00:26:12,377 See you tomorrow, Connie and Carla. 405 00:26:15,420 --> 00:26:17,854 Ooh! They all know our real names! 406 00:26:17,923 --> 00:26:21,689 Who cares? We're in! Oh, my God, we're in! 407 00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,024 Oh, Carla, we're in! We're in! 408 00:26:24,096 --> 00:26:26,030 Okay. Yeah! 409 00:26:26,098 --> 00:26:32,162 ♪ You coax the blues right out of the horn, Mame ♪ 410 00:26:32,237 --> 00:26:38,699 ♪ You charm the husk right off of the corn, Mame ♪ 411 00:26:38,777 --> 00:26:40,642 Hello? 412 00:26:40,712 --> 00:26:43,112 [Rudy] Tibor, what are you doing? Are they there, or what? 413 00:26:43,181 --> 00:26:45,115 No, Rudy, they're not here. 414 00:26:45,183 --> 00:26:47,481 Hey, what about tracing their license plate? 415 00:26:47,552 --> 00:26:51,249 What about tracing the license plate? If you'd written it down, you idiot! 416 00:26:51,323 --> 00:26:52,119 ♪ You'll be lost ♪ 417 00:26:53,325 --> 00:26:56,419 ♪ You'll be so, so sorry ♪ 418 00:26:56,495 --> 00:27:00,431 ♪ When I'm gone ♪ 419 00:27:00,499 --> 00:27:02,899 ♪ Sleep and I shall soothe you ♪ 420 00:27:02,968 --> 00:27:05,129 ♪ Calm you and anoint you ♪ 421 00:27:05,203 --> 00:27:07,398 ♪ Myrrh for your hot forehead ♪ 422 00:27:07,472 --> 00:27:12,432 ♪ Oh ♪ ♪ Then you'll feel everything's all right ♪ 423 00:27:12,511 --> 00:27:15,241 ♪ Yes, everything's fine ♪ ♪ Close your eyes ♪ 424 00:27:15,314 --> 00:27:17,475 ♪ Close your eyes and relax ♪ 425 00:27:17,549 --> 00:27:22,612 ♪ Because everything's fine ♪♪ 426 00:27:22,688 --> 00:27:24,622 427 00:27:27,326 --> 00:27:29,260 You've been great. You've been real. 428 00:27:29,328 --> 00:27:31,262 Thank you. Thanks. 429 00:27:33,332 --> 00:27:35,266 You know, 430 00:27:35,334 --> 00:27:37,802 it's hard to meet a guy in this town, 431 00:27:37,869 --> 00:27:39,860 let alone in Nazareth. 432 00:27:39,938 --> 00:27:42,998 Hey, Carla, I feel sorry for Mary Magdalene. 433 00:27:43,075 --> 00:27:45,669 Oh, why is that, Connie? 434 00:27:45,744 --> 00:27:48,975 Oh, you know, she finally decides to mend her ways, going the straight path, 435 00:27:49,047 --> 00:27:51,845 and she falls for this guy...33 years old, 436 00:27:51,917 --> 00:27:56,684 still living at home with his mother, who's never gonna accept a shiksa with a past for a daughter-in-law. 437 00:27:56,755 --> 00:27:59,223 438 00:27:59,291 --> 00:28:01,418 God, I love it. I feel like I can finally say what I think. 439 00:28:01,493 --> 00:28:05,327 I know. When we were doing the show in Chicago, and you would say, you know, dirty stuff, 440 00:28:05,397 --> 00:28:09,197 I could feel the audience going, "Oh, no. Don't do that. Where's my dessert?" 441 00:28:09,267 --> 00:28:12,930 But now, dressed like a guy...We can say anything we want. 442 00:28:13,005 --> 00:28:15,701 But with L.A. men, the bulge in their pants is a cell phone. 443 00:28:18,877 --> 00:28:23,075 All right, that's it. I have not seen you laugh once tonight. 444 00:28:23,148 --> 00:28:25,810 Can you not see how fabulous we are? 445 00:28:25,884 --> 00:28:28,876 I love the show. Mary, that is scary. 446 00:28:28,954 --> 00:28:30,922 Your face doesn't move when you talk. 447 00:28:30,989 --> 00:28:33,082 Oh, Botox. 448 00:28:33,158 --> 00:28:35,058 Cow poison? 449 00:28:35,127 --> 00:28:37,322 450 00:28:37,396 --> 00:28:39,830 How many of you deaden your wrinkles with that crap? 451 00:28:41,233 --> 00:28:43,929 Hmm. Four, huh? 452 00:28:44,002 --> 00:28:46,994 Five? 453 00:28:47,072 --> 00:28:49,370 Oh, come on. Be honest! 454 00:28:49,441 --> 00:28:53,241 455 00:28:53,311 --> 00:28:57,042 Boys and girls, God put us on this earth to have a laugh, hence the term "laugh lines." 456 00:28:57,115 --> 00:28:59,709 [Exaggerated Laugh] That's what it looks like. 457 00:28:59,785 --> 00:29:03,516 Do yourselves a favor, let your eyes crinkle, let your skin wrinkle. 458 00:29:03,588 --> 00:29:06,056 Our lines show that we've lived. 459 00:29:06,124 --> 00:29:09,525 If he doesn't love you when you look like a map, tell him to hit the road. 460 00:29:14,032 --> 00:29:15,863 Hey, good one. 461 00:29:15,934 --> 00:29:18,630 Whatcha got there, Carla? 462 00:29:18,703 --> 00:29:22,264 Well, Connie, I do believe it's time for South Pacific sing-along! 463 00:29:22,340 --> 00:29:24,365 464 00:29:25,310 --> 00:29:27,642 There you go. Get it around your neck. 465 00:29:29,714 --> 00:29:32,148 Come on, people. Get 'em on. There you go. 466 00:29:32,217 --> 00:29:35,118 They're so much fun. Wish I had the nerve to sing live. 467 00:29:35,187 --> 00:29:37,121 I wish I had the nerve to be that good. 468 00:29:37,189 --> 00:29:39,453 We are such idiots. Don't be mean to us. 469 00:29:39,524 --> 00:29:41,492 Just because you look fat in white. 470 00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:45,428 I do... Look at how busy we're getting. Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking? 471 00:29:45,497 --> 00:29:49,126 No more spandex? No, sweetie. 472 00:29:49,201 --> 00:29:51,328 Well, then what, honey? 473 00:29:51,403 --> 00:29:54,236 If you can't lick 'em, join 'em. 474 00:29:54,306 --> 00:29:58,174 Who's getting licked? 475 00:30:03,482 --> 00:30:06,940 ♪ I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair ♪ 476 00:30:07,018 --> 00:30:09,543 ♪ I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair ♪ 477 00:30:09,621 --> 00:30:12,681 ♪ I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair ♪ 478 00:30:12,757 --> 00:30:17,091 ♪ And send him on his way ♪ 479 00:30:17,162 --> 00:30:20,029 ♪ I'm gonna wave that man right outta my arms ♪ 480 00:30:20,098 --> 00:30:23,192 ♪ I'm gonna wave that man right outta my arms ♪ 481 00:30:23,268 --> 00:30:26,032 ♪ I'm gonna wave that man right outta my arms ♪ 482 00:30:26,104 --> 00:30:29,562 ♪ And send him on his way ♪♪ 483 00:30:32,611 --> 00:30:35,375 We are geniuses. 484 00:30:35,447 --> 00:30:37,881 485 00:30:40,886 --> 00:30:42,820 Do you know where the scissors are? 486 00:30:42,888 --> 00:30:45,254 I think they're in the kitchen in the third drawer. 487 00:30:45,323 --> 00:30:48,622 Okay. 488 00:30:48,693 --> 00:30:51,059 I spy your little eye. 489 00:30:51,129 --> 00:30:54,064 It's the bartender from downstairs. Hello? 490 00:30:54,132 --> 00:30:56,100 Gimme that! I can hear you. 491 00:30:56,168 --> 00:30:59,262 Put that on. Put it on! What's going on in there? You can't say hi? 492 00:30:59,337 --> 00:31:01,328 The guacamole. 493 00:31:01,406 --> 00:31:04,204 I can't hear them. Should we go? 494 00:31:04,276 --> 00:31:07,006 How you doing? What's going on? 495 00:31:08,079 --> 00:31:10,570 Welcome wagon. We live on the top floor. Hi. 496 00:31:10,649 --> 00:31:12,276 497 00:31:13,618 --> 00:31:17,213 Dear, girlfriends need a decorator. 498 00:31:23,828 --> 00:31:26,353 Hi. I'm Paul. I'm Brian. My stage name's Patty Melt. 499 00:31:27,732 --> 00:31:30,257 By day, I'm Robert. And this is my roommate, Lee. 500 00:31:30,335 --> 00:31:34,237 By night, we're a duo act...Peaches 'N' Cream. 501 00:31:34,306 --> 00:31:36,240 I hate our name. I think it's beautiful. 502 00:31:36,308 --> 00:31:39,072 That's because you're the Peaches part. I'm 'N' Cream. 503 00:31:39,144 --> 00:31:43,205 My name is 'N' Cream. What does it even mean? 504 00:31:46,251 --> 00:31:48,719 That's really nice. Fabulous. 505 00:31:48,787 --> 00:31:51,449 Come. Come. Come on. Join us. 506 00:31:57,262 --> 00:31:59,230 All queens rise. 507 00:32:04,102 --> 00:32:06,468 O blessed St. Mary of Drag Queens, 508 00:32:06,538 --> 00:32:08,733 please grant your never humble servants... 509 00:32:08,807 --> 00:32:13,107 and our new friends with grace, jewels and support hose. 510 00:32:13,178 --> 00:32:15,578 511 00:32:15,647 --> 00:32:17,581 And bless me with a new name. 512 00:32:17,649 --> 00:32:19,742 Hello. I don't even have a drag name. 513 00:32:19,818 --> 00:32:21,308 Why not? Yeah, what's up with that? 514 00:32:21,386 --> 00:32:23,752 Well, I'm new, so I can't name myself. 515 00:32:23,822 --> 00:32:26,552 You want 'N' Cream? No, thanks. 516 00:32:26,625 --> 00:32:28,092 Rosemary Chicken. [Scoffs] 517 00:32:28,159 --> 00:32:29,626 Mary, Queen of Shots? Mm-mm. 518 00:32:29,694 --> 00:32:31,286 Estée Lauder Harder Faster? 519 00:32:31,363 --> 00:32:33,831 What? Ooh, can I borrow this? 520 00:32:33,898 --> 00:32:36,833 Hey, hey, what time is it? Five-ish. 521 00:32:36,901 --> 00:32:41,270 Uh, the show. We have to shave... everything. 522 00:32:41,339 --> 00:32:44,433 You're so lucky to be paid to perform. Sorry? What was that? 523 00:32:44,509 --> 00:32:46,636 What? Perform. 524 00:32:46,711 --> 00:32:48,770 Look. There are very few paying drag gigs in this town. 525 00:32:48,847 --> 00:32:52,305 And I have to bartend at The Handlebar, and frankly, it's beneath me. 526 00:32:52,384 --> 00:32:54,318 So, here it is. 527 00:32:54,386 --> 00:32:57,287 Have you ever thought about adding a few fabulous friends to your show? 528 00:32:57,355 --> 00:33:00,552 If you need some great new choreography, I know some fabulous new dance steps. 529 00:33:00,625 --> 00:33:02,957 I'm great with wigs. I can sew a dress in three hours. 530 00:33:03,028 --> 00:33:05,292 I'll lend you my jewels. 531 00:33:05,363 --> 00:33:08,855 Call us. We could use the buck. 532 00:33:08,933 --> 00:33:11,299 We'll give it some thought. 533 00:33:11,369 --> 00:33:13,701 Yea! Bye. Great! Excellent. 534 00:33:13,772 --> 00:33:16,002 Come on, you guys. Let's go clean our apartment. For your brother. 535 00:33:16,074 --> 00:33:18,008 You invited him over? Are you drunk? 536 00:33:18,076 --> 00:33:20,567 A little. You know, Robert left home when he was just 16. 537 00:33:20,645 --> 00:33:23,307 Brian! Well, I'm glad I don't have a straight brother. 538 00:33:23,381 --> 00:33:26,043 Now, now, we mustn't be prejudice. Straights are people too. 539 00:33:29,054 --> 00:33:30,180 540 00:33:32,424 --> 00:33:34,358 541 00:33:37,696 --> 00:33:40,494 Look at all the people, Carla. 542 00:33:42,100 --> 00:33:44,159 543 00:33:51,710 --> 00:33:54,235 ♪ Don't tell me not to live just sit and putter ♪ 544 00:33:54,312 --> 00:33:57,179 ♪ Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter ♪ 545 00:33:57,248 --> 00:34:01,742 ♪ Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade ♪ 546 00:34:02,921 --> 00:34:05,822 ♪ Don't tell me not to fly I've simply got to ♪ 547 00:34:05,890 --> 00:34:08,825 ♪ If someone takes a spill it's me and not you ♪ 548 00:34:08,893 --> 00:34:13,023 ♪ Who told you you're allowed to rain on my parade ♪ 549 00:34:14,099 --> 00:34:16,761 ♪ I'm gonna live and live now ♪ 550 00:34:16,835 --> 00:34:19,998 ♪ Get what I want I know how ♪ 551 00:34:20,071 --> 00:34:23,063 ♪ One roll for the whole shebang ♪ 552 00:34:23,141 --> 00:34:26,235 ♪ One throw that bell will go clang ♪ 553 00:34:26,311 --> 00:34:29,508 ♪ Eye on the target and wham ♪ 554 00:34:29,581 --> 00:34:32,846 ♪ One shot, one gunshot, and bam ♪ 555 00:34:32,917 --> 00:34:36,648 ♪ Hey, Mr. Arnstein ♪ 556 00:34:36,721 --> 00:34:44,355 ♪ Here I am ♪ 557 00:34:44,429 --> 00:34:50,368 ♪ I'll march my band out ♪ 558 00:34:50,435 --> 00:34:54,872 ♪ I'll beat my drum ♪ 559 00:34:54,939 --> 00:34:58,466 ♪ And if I'm fanned out ♪ 560 00:34:58,543 --> 00:35:02,206 ♪ Your turn at bat, sir at least I didn't fake it ♪ 561 00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:05,078 ♪ Hat, sir I guess I didn't make it ♪ 562 00:35:05,150 --> 00:35:07,744 ♪ Get ready for me, love 'cause I'm a comer ♪ 563 00:35:07,819 --> 00:35:10,549 ♪ I simply gotta march my heart's a drummer ♪ 564 00:35:10,622 --> 00:35:13,591 ♪ Nobody, no, nobody ♪ 565 00:35:13,658 --> 00:35:19,255 ♪ Is gonna rain on my ♪ 566 00:35:19,330 --> 00:35:31,606 ♪ Parade ♪♪ 567 00:35:32,844 --> 00:35:35,904 568 00:35:35,980 --> 00:35:40,314 Oh, shush. Oh, all right. 569 00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:44,950 Enough already. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. 570 00:35:47,826 --> 00:35:53,264 571 00:35:56,534 --> 00:35:59,401 That looks great. Glamorizing our new look a bit. 572 00:35:59,471 --> 00:36:02,338 I mean, you know, under the lights, these could be great. 573 00:36:02,407 --> 00:36:05,103 Especially on turns. Whoo! 574 00:36:05,176 --> 00:36:08,009 These could be dangerous. 575 00:36:08,079 --> 00:36:10,843 576 00:36:10,915 --> 00:36:14,715 What? It's just... It's great to see you happy. 577 00:36:14,786 --> 00:36:17,721 Come on, admit it. You do love the show. 578 00:36:17,789 --> 00:36:20,349 Yeah, it's a drag. Pun intended. 579 00:36:20,425 --> 00:36:22,950 Hey, my plan worked. 580 00:36:23,027 --> 00:36:26,622 Yeah. I'm kinda worried about how well-known we're getting. 581 00:36:26,698 --> 00:36:29,030 Only in West Hollywood. But I miss... 582 00:36:29,100 --> 00:36:32,627 Don't say Mikey. Boys. I miss boys who like to kiss girls. 583 00:36:32,704 --> 00:36:36,663 Forget it, okay. Because we have no time for losers, and we can't blow our cover. 584 00:36:39,277 --> 00:36:41,541 Are you there? Oh, I lost you. 585 00:36:41,613 --> 00:36:44,377 Oh, now I hear you. Oh, now I lost you. 586 00:36:45,450 --> 00:36:48,681 Robert, you all right? Oh, yeah, sure. 587 00:36:48,753 --> 00:36:51,916 I'm just going to meet my brother for the first time in 106 years. 588 00:36:51,990 --> 00:36:54,390 Did you have a fight? No. 589 00:36:56,094 --> 00:36:58,028 Look. 590 00:36:58,096 --> 00:37:02,396 I haven't had any contact with my family in a long time. 591 00:37:02,467 --> 00:37:05,061 My choice. 592 00:37:05,136 --> 00:37:10,073 Six months ago, I get a little sentimental watching TV... Hallmark commercials. 593 00:37:11,142 --> 00:37:13,440 So I send my grandma a birthday card, 594 00:37:13,511 --> 00:37:15,911 with my return address label on it. 595 00:37:15,980 --> 00:37:19,472 So then my brother starts coming around. 596 00:37:19,551 --> 00:37:22,520 Starts leaving me messages, "Hey, let's be brothers again." 597 00:37:22,587 --> 00:37:25,215 You don't want a brother? 598 00:37:25,290 --> 00:37:27,224 He's just gonna hate me. 599 00:37:27,292 --> 00:37:29,351 No, he won't. 600 00:37:33,932 --> 00:37:37,368 Does he know you dress with style? 601 00:37:37,435 --> 00:37:40,802 Yeah, I told him on the phone. 602 00:37:40,872 --> 00:37:45,571 I figured I'd go without the ball gown, just to ease him into things. 603 00:37:48,947 --> 00:37:50,881 Let me see. 604 00:37:53,318 --> 00:37:56,947 There you go. Blue's your best color. 605 00:37:57,021 --> 00:37:58,955 Thanks, sweetie. 606 00:38:00,491 --> 00:38:02,925 607 00:38:30,655 --> 00:38:32,646 608 00:38:46,037 --> 00:38:49,370 609 00:38:51,175 --> 00:38:53,109 610 00:39:04,856 --> 00:39:08,155 Well, this was a mistake. 611 00:39:16,234 --> 00:39:18,998 [Exasperated Sigh] 612 00:39:19,070 --> 00:39:25,600 ♪ You coax the blues right out of the horn, Mame ♪ 613 00:39:25,677 --> 00:39:31,206 ♪ You charm the husk right off of the corn, Mame ♪ Hello, Rudy. 614 00:39:31,282 --> 00:39:33,614 It's Tibor. What do you got? 615 00:39:33,685 --> 00:39:36,882 I'm in St. Louis. They're not here. 616 00:39:36,954 --> 00:39:41,653 Hey, I'm down a kilo and I'm up two witnesses. Find them! 617 00:39:41,726 --> 00:39:45,423 ♪ Since you brought Dixie back to Dixieland ♪ 618 00:39:46,264 --> 00:39:49,461 ♪ You make the cotton easy to pick ♪♪ 619 00:39:56,174 --> 00:39:58,335 Oh, for God's sake, what? What? 620 00:39:58,409 --> 00:40:00,741 What are you doing? Following me? Watching every move I make? 621 00:40:00,812 --> 00:40:05,215 I'm not watching you. l-I just thought it'd be fun to hang out. 622 00:40:05,283 --> 00:40:06,648 Why? Why not? 623 00:40:06,718 --> 00:40:08,049 624 00:40:08,119 --> 00:40:09,450 Grow up. You grow up. 625 00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:11,215 You grow up. Make me. 626 00:40:17,261 --> 00:40:19,786 Well, at least do some shopping yourself. 627 00:40:20,865 --> 00:40:22,958 Please? 628 00:40:24,202 --> 00:40:27,262 Mom likes irises too. Save it for Dr. Phil. 629 00:40:27,338 --> 00:40:30,068 Okay. Hi, Mrs. Phillips. 630 00:40:30,141 --> 00:40:32,371 Hi, Mrs. Phillips. Hello. 631 00:40:32,443 --> 00:40:34,570 Robert, I thought it'd be nice to spend a beautiful Saturday... 632 00:40:34,645 --> 00:40:37,512 Jeff, why the sudden interest in me after all this time? 633 00:40:37,582 --> 00:40:40,847 Well, for a long time, I couldn't find you, remember? 634 00:40:40,918 --> 00:40:45,878 And, uh, I think I'm gonna marry someone. 635 00:40:45,957 --> 00:40:48,790 And if that's gonna happen, I want you to be there. 636 00:40:51,462 --> 00:40:53,726 637 00:40:59,170 --> 00:41:02,264 Come on. I need cheese. 638 00:41:04,208 --> 00:41:05,573 Are you sure? Yeah, yeah. 639 00:41:05,643 --> 00:41:09,443 Oh. That's my girlfriend. 640 00:41:09,514 --> 00:41:12,142 Oh, no, take it. I'll see if they're home. 641 00:41:12,216 --> 00:41:16,118 Bonjour, mes filles. 642 00:41:17,655 --> 00:41:20,556 C'est moi. Hello? 643 00:41:20,625 --> 00:41:22,559 644 00:41:22,627 --> 00:41:25,118 Ouvrir la porte. 645 00:41:25,196 --> 00:41:28,188 Here's your hair. No, no, I got it. Take it with you. 646 00:41:28,266 --> 00:41:31,030 Get a robe. Get a robe. That's yours. 647 00:41:31,102 --> 00:41:33,093 I hear running. 648 00:41:35,940 --> 00:41:38,101 How you doing? What's going on? 649 00:41:38,176 --> 00:41:41,543 Wow. Good look. 650 00:41:41,612 --> 00:41:44,479 Whoa. So, uh, how's it going with your brother? 651 00:41:44,549 --> 00:41:47,450 Jeff. 652 00:41:49,387 --> 00:41:51,480 I'll call you later. 653 00:42:01,098 --> 00:42:06,126 Jeff, these are my girlfriends, the Connie and Carla. 654 00:42:06,204 --> 00:42:09,196 Hi, Jeff. Welcome to the dollhouse. Want me to condition your hair? 655 00:42:09,273 --> 00:42:12,242 No, l-I ran a cream rinse through it this morning, so I'm good. 656 00:42:12,310 --> 00:42:14,801 So, I'll take a rain check. 657 00:42:14,879 --> 00:42:18,076 Uh, you all work at The Handlebar too? 658 00:42:18,149 --> 00:42:20,083 Oh, yeah, we all work there. 659 00:42:20,151 --> 00:42:23,245 Work? Jeff, these broads have transformed that dive into a legit cabaret. 660 00:42:23,321 --> 00:42:26,154 I wish I was in that show. Hint. All right. 661 00:42:26,224 --> 00:42:28,055 Hint. We heard you. 662 00:42:28,125 --> 00:42:29,820 Hint. Back off. 663 00:42:29,894 --> 00:42:33,227 All right, get outta my way. Get outta my way. Let's get outta here. 664 00:42:33,297 --> 00:42:36,755 Oh! Hello. Hi, I'm Brian. This is Paul and Lee. 665 00:42:36,834 --> 00:42:39,325 I'm Robert's best "briend." His what? 666 00:42:39,403 --> 00:42:41,769 Best friend. He's also my roommate. Come see my apartment. 667 00:42:41,839 --> 00:42:44,171 No, ours. Down, girls, down. Down, down, down. 668 00:42:44,242 --> 00:42:46,676 Are you hungry? Do you like fish sticks? 669 00:42:46,744 --> 00:42:49,542 I'll make them Filipino style. They taste just like chicken. 670 00:42:49,614 --> 00:42:53,607 Oh, my God. I like him. 671 00:42:53,684 --> 00:42:55,618 I saw him before when we were still girls. 672 00:42:55,686 --> 00:42:58,416 He was standing out front. We had this moment, Carla. 673 00:42:58,489 --> 00:43:01,549 He was nice to me. What are you talking about? 674 00:43:01,626 --> 00:43:05,585 Right. Why would he ever be attracted to me? 675 00:43:05,663 --> 00:43:08,063 I'm a drag queen. 676 00:43:08,132 --> 00:43:10,896 No, you can't blow our cover for some guy. Oh, yeah, I know. 677 00:43:11,869 --> 00:43:13,962 678 00:43:14,038 --> 00:43:16,598 679 00:43:23,681 --> 00:43:25,615 Thanks. Have a good show tonight. 680 00:43:25,683 --> 00:43:28,447 Stanley, we want to add some friends to the act. 681 00:43:28,519 --> 00:43:30,612 You've gotta get a food license and expand this place. 682 00:43:30,688 --> 00:43:35,318 Here's my plan: We're adding more leg, you gotta add some legroom. 683 00:43:35,393 --> 00:43:38,954 Uh, what would that cost? I'll add up some figures. What... 684 00:43:39,030 --> 00:43:41,260 Excuse me. I'll be backstage. 685 00:43:41,332 --> 00:43:43,664 What are you doing? What? 686 00:43:43,734 --> 00:43:46,202 This show is our destiny waiting to happen...dinner theater. 687 00:43:46,270 --> 00:43:48,795 We can't expand the show. We'll get more well-known, 688 00:43:48,873 --> 00:43:50,807 and then word will travel straight to those killers. 689 00:43:50,875 --> 00:43:52,809 They're not looking for a couple of drag queens. 690 00:43:52,877 --> 00:43:55,243 How do you know? They're serious. They have a lot of connections. 691 00:43:55,313 --> 00:43:57,440 They haven't found us. They're not connected to this world. 692 00:43:57,515 --> 00:43:59,710 We're safe. We're drag queens. Whoo! 693 00:43:59,784 --> 00:44:03,276 You're a freak. Yeah, and you're a freak with me. 694 00:44:03,354 --> 00:44:09,589 ♪ You coax the blues right out of the horn, Mame ♪ 695 00:44:09,660 --> 00:44:13,118 [Tibor] No. No. Yes. Rudy, I tell you. ♪ You charm the husk right off of the corn ♪ 696 00:44:13,197 --> 00:44:16,360 I have seen almost everything on Broadway. They're not in it. 697 00:44:16,434 --> 00:44:19,062 I saw Gypsy last night. They're not there. 698 00:44:19,136 --> 00:44:21,969 I saw Rent, which was surprising, 699 00:44:22,039 --> 00:44:24,633 to be so poignant with a narrative, 700 00:44:24,709 --> 00:44:28,645 added to by emotional performances which bring the audience into the story. 701 00:44:28,713 --> 00:44:30,647 Like...Intimate story? Intimate story! 702 00:44:30,715 --> 00:44:32,683 I got an intimate story. I'm gonna kill you if you don't... 703 00:44:32,750 --> 00:44:36,618 Okay, okay, okay. I have good news. 704 00:44:36,687 --> 00:44:40,248 I got a ticket to the matinee of Hairspray. 705 00:44:40,324 --> 00:44:42,952 [Rudy Hangs Up] Hello? 706 00:44:43,561 --> 00:44:48,624 Five, six, seven, eight. ♪ And the knees up and hands at your side. Chickapow ♪ 707 00:44:48,699 --> 00:44:52,692 ♪ Charleston, Charleston Downstage, do-si-do ♪ 708 00:44:52,770 --> 00:44:55,796 Carla! What? He pushed me. 709 00:44:55,873 --> 00:44:59,206 I am a trained dancer. Connie, Carla, move more like this. 710 00:44:59,276 --> 00:45:01,471 Hide all your masculinity. Chickapow! 711 00:45:01,545 --> 00:45:04,241 No one follow me this time. I'm delicate. All right. 712 00:45:04,315 --> 00:45:06,340 Crystal Decanter. That's not my name. 713 00:45:06,417 --> 00:45:08,317 How 'bout Patty, like me? Patty Cake. No. 714 00:45:08,386 --> 00:45:10,013 Patty O'Furniture. No. 715 00:45:10,087 --> 00:45:11,748 Patty Pooper. No. 716 00:45:11,822 --> 00:45:14,882 Great. Can we all please dance now? 717 00:45:14,959 --> 00:45:17,519 What's this? Why do you wear a bra during the day? 718 00:45:21,098 --> 00:45:25,364 Well, if you must know, being in drag helps us practice our moves. 719 00:45:28,105 --> 00:45:30,039 Hmm. Good falsies. What do you use? 720 00:45:30,107 --> 00:45:32,075 None of your beeswax. 721 00:45:37,848 --> 00:45:39,782 Yeah, they're really good. You should all have a feel. 722 00:45:45,790 --> 00:45:48,520 Supple. Good. Well, they are good. 723 00:45:48,592 --> 00:45:50,651 724 00:45:50,728 --> 00:45:53,026 Back to work. Okay then. 725 00:45:56,600 --> 00:45:59,967 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No way! Put it back! 726 00:46:00,037 --> 00:46:02,471 I don't have this kind of money. Stanley. 727 00:46:02,540 --> 00:46:05,998 Here's my plan. You only have to do 80% capacity, 728 00:46:06,077 --> 00:46:08,136 and you'll make your money back within three months. 729 00:46:08,212 --> 00:46:11,739 All you gotta pay out now is the construction. I got it all under control. 730 00:46:11,816 --> 00:46:16,412 Sir, hi. We've talked about this. Yeah, the tables have to be this high. 731 00:46:16,487 --> 00:46:19,615 Right? Right. Why? Stanley, look at me. 732 00:46:19,690 --> 00:46:22,056 I'm eating my surf and turf. Oh, watching a terrific show. 733 00:46:22,126 --> 00:46:24,560 Eating, watching. Dinner, theater. See? Dinner theater. 734 00:46:24,628 --> 00:46:26,960 Where do you think the whole TV dinner thing came from? 735 00:46:27,031 --> 00:46:30,091 Right, Carla? Uh, yeah, this high. 736 00:46:31,902 --> 00:46:34,234 Stanley? Come on. 737 00:46:34,305 --> 00:46:37,672 738 00:46:40,044 --> 00:46:41,978 Hmm? I'll get a loan from my mother. 739 00:46:42,046 --> 00:46:43,980 740 00:46:44,048 --> 00:46:47,609 741 00:46:51,122 --> 00:46:55,456 ♪ Life is a cabaret, old chum ♪ 742 00:46:55,526 --> 00:46:59,087 ♪ Only a cabaret, old chum ♪ 743 00:46:59,163 --> 00:47:08,196 ♪ So come to the cabaret ♪♪ 744 00:47:09,874 --> 00:47:12,468 745 00:47:15,779 --> 00:47:18,009 746 00:47:18,082 --> 00:47:20,550 Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I should watch where I'm going. 747 00:47:20,618 --> 00:47:24,384 That's okay, doll. 748 00:47:25,456 --> 00:47:27,788 I'm Connie. I met you. 749 00:47:27,858 --> 00:47:32,124 Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm here to take Robert out for lunch. 750 00:47:32,196 --> 00:47:35,188 Just, you know...That's nice. 751 00:47:36,767 --> 00:47:39,292 Well, he's my brother, so... 752 00:47:39,370 --> 00:47:42,533 Take him out...Take him out to lunch. 753 00:47:42,606 --> 00:47:44,506 Well, you're nice. 754 00:47:44,575 --> 00:47:48,875 Well, you're... you're nice too, you know. Uh... 755 00:47:48,946 --> 00:47:51,312 I mean, uh... 756 00:47:51,382 --> 00:47:53,873 You know, uh...Hello! 757 00:47:53,951 --> 00:47:56,146 I'll be right down. 758 00:47:56,220 --> 00:47:58,017 759 00:47:58,088 --> 00:48:00,750 760 00:48:00,824 --> 00:48:03,554 I have to go to the show after lunch, so I dressed. 761 00:48:03,627 --> 00:48:07,723 Is there a problem, Jeff? 762 00:48:09,900 --> 00:48:14,064 You wanna cancel? No. No, no, no. 763 00:48:14,138 --> 00:48:16,902 I'll be right down. Oh, boy. 764 00:48:18,342 --> 00:48:21,368 Take him to the Tube around the corner. The owner's one of us. 765 00:48:21,445 --> 00:48:25,074 People won't stare as much. Thank you. 766 00:48:25,149 --> 00:48:27,117 Sure. 767 00:48:27,184 --> 00:48:29,516 You like my garbage? 768 00:48:29,587 --> 00:48:33,421 Um, uh, a little bit. Anything good in there? 769 00:48:36,527 --> 00:48:38,927 Hey, sweetie. 770 00:48:40,130 --> 00:48:42,064 Robert. Nails. 771 00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:45,334 772 00:48:46,704 --> 00:48:48,638 773 00:48:48,706 --> 00:48:53,609 ♪ You coax the blues right out of the horn, Mame ♪ 774 00:48:53,677 --> 00:48:55,804 ♪ Mame ♪ 775 00:48:55,879 --> 00:49:01,545 ♪ You charm the husks right out of the corn, Mame ♪ 776 00:49:01,619 --> 00:49:03,052 Tibor! Mama's Pizza! 777 00:49:03,120 --> 00:49:05,054 Knock it off. You're telling me you found them, right? 778 00:49:05,122 --> 00:49:07,920 Uh, Rudy, no, not yet. Come on! 779 00:49:07,992 --> 00:49:11,359 Hey, maybe you put someone at Mexico border to search for their car. 780 00:49:11,428 --> 00:49:15,262 Mexico border? That's a great idea. I'll put somebody at the Canadian border, or we could put... 781 00:49:15,332 --> 00:49:19,666 ♪ You make the cotton easy to pick ♪ 782 00:49:19,737 --> 00:49:22,001 ♪ Mame ♪ 783 00:49:22,072 --> 00:49:25,564 ♪ You give my ol' mint julep a kick ♪ 784 00:49:25,643 --> 00:49:28,441 [Squeals] ♪ Mame ♪ 785 00:49:28,512 --> 00:49:35,008 ♪ You make the ol' magnolia tree blossom with the mention of your name ♪ 786 00:49:35,085 --> 00:49:38,282 ♪ You make me feel alive again ♪ 787 00:49:38,355 --> 00:49:41,518 ♪ You've given me the drive again ♪ 788 00:49:41,592 --> 00:49:46,427 ♪ To make the South alive again, Mame ♪ 789 00:50:05,883 --> 00:50:08,113 Whoa, Nelly. You okay? 790 00:50:08,185 --> 00:50:10,779 Yeah, are you okay? Yeah. Padding. 791 00:50:10,854 --> 00:50:13,345 792 00:50:13,424 --> 00:50:16,689 Robert's out having a manicure. Oh. 793 00:50:16,760 --> 00:50:19,126 794 00:50:19,196 --> 00:50:21,664 Wanna come over? What? 795 00:50:21,732 --> 00:50:26,567 No, no, no, no. I have something...I have a-a... 796 00:50:26,637 --> 00:50:29,731 You know, I got a prior commitment. 797 00:50:29,807 --> 00:50:31,900 No problem. 798 00:50:31,975 --> 00:50:34,637 799 00:50:34,712 --> 00:50:39,046 Um, you know the other day when I said that you were nice? 800 00:50:39,116 --> 00:50:42,711 l-I meant it. You are...You are very nice. 801 00:50:42,786 --> 00:50:45,414 I just... I just meant it, um, 802 00:50:45,489 --> 00:50:49,152 a friendly way, you know? 803 00:50:49,226 --> 00:50:51,922 I'm-I'm not gay. 804 00:50:51,995 --> 00:50:54,486 Neither am I. What? 805 00:50:54,565 --> 00:50:58,433 Nothing. It's complicated. 806 00:50:58,502 --> 00:51:01,164 I bet. 807 00:51:01,238 --> 00:51:02,637 All right. Okay. 808 00:51:02,706 --> 00:51:04,537 All right. Good. 809 00:51:04,608 --> 00:51:05,768 All right. See ya. 810 00:51:05,843 --> 00:51:07,777 811 00:51:07,845 --> 00:51:11,110 Hey, do straight guys drink coffee? 812 00:51:21,258 --> 00:51:23,556 What do you do for a living? How long have you been a drag queen? 813 00:51:23,627 --> 00:51:26,357 Sorry. I'm sorry. I just... 814 00:51:26,430 --> 00:51:29,263 I've never known... 815 00:51:29,333 --> 00:51:32,700 a cross-dressing person before, so... 816 00:51:32,770 --> 00:51:37,400 You know your brother. Oh, yeah. Well, no. It's been a long time. 817 00:51:37,474 --> 00:51:40,705 Yeah. It's hard. It's hard, but I'm a bit of an optimist. 818 00:51:40,778 --> 00:51:43,440 Me too. l-I'm stubborn, you know? I don't give up. 819 00:51:44,915 --> 00:51:48,442 You know, I wasn't always in a successful show. 820 00:51:48,519 --> 00:51:51,750 And I had...I had this friend. 821 00:51:51,822 --> 00:51:56,452 He told me to give up. He called me a dreamer. 822 00:51:56,527 --> 00:52:01,658 That's not very nice. Yeah. 823 00:52:01,732 --> 00:52:03,666 I know. 824 00:52:14,144 --> 00:52:16,840 I gotta go. Okay. 825 00:52:16,914 --> 00:52:21,578 I just wanna know why you do it. Why you like to dress up? You guys. 826 00:52:21,652 --> 00:52:24,985 Oh. I'm sorry, that's personal. 827 00:52:25,055 --> 00:52:27,717 No, that's okay. 828 00:52:27,791 --> 00:52:33,127 It's kind of like this. It's like dressing how you feel inside. 829 00:52:34,364 --> 00:52:37,128 You know? You know what, Jeff? 830 00:52:37,201 --> 00:52:39,567 I haven't known your brother for very long, but I think... 831 00:52:39,636 --> 00:52:43,629 I mean, I think, he's happy. 832 00:52:43,707 --> 00:52:45,607 We've only got one life. 833 00:52:45,676 --> 00:52:48,702 It's just a little strange that my brother's out getting a manicure right now. 834 00:52:48,779 --> 00:52:51,612 What, haven't you ever had one? God, no. 835 00:52:51,682 --> 00:52:56,085 Well, you live in L.A. Everybody gets their backs waxed and things plucked and... 836 00:52:56,153 --> 00:52:58,485 I don't pluck. l-I've never been plucked. 837 00:52:58,555 --> 00:53:01,524 [Stammering] And-And I don't do manicures. 838 00:53:01,592 --> 00:53:03,560 Relax your hand. I'm relaxed. 839 00:53:03,627 --> 00:53:05,561 Wait... Look at it. It's like a claw. 840 00:53:05,629 --> 00:53:07,790 Okay, I'm relaxed. Open. 841 00:53:07,865 --> 00:53:11,631 No polish though. Deal. 842 00:53:15,606 --> 00:53:19,167 And? Nothing. 843 00:53:19,243 --> 00:53:22,235 Oh, come on. Spill it. 844 00:53:22,312 --> 00:53:25,247 All right, but only 'cause we're talking guy to guy. 845 00:53:25,315 --> 00:53:29,308 I've been seeing this woman. You got a girlfriend? 846 00:53:29,386 --> 00:53:34,016 Oh, no. I'm gonna propose. I mean, we're at that stage where I should make a commitment. 847 00:53:34,091 --> 00:53:38,221 But, uh, I'm not really sure if we're right for one another. I mean, she doesn't make me laugh. 848 00:53:38,295 --> 00:53:41,230 Oh, you gotta get out. You gotta pull the cord on that mission. 849 00:53:41,298 --> 00:53:45,234 Abort. Wah! That could just be me being afraid to take it to the next level. 850 00:53:45,302 --> 00:53:49,466 You know, I had this girlfriend once who told me I had issues about getting too close. 851 00:53:52,009 --> 00:53:55,445 I stopped talking to her. 852 00:53:56,847 --> 00:53:58,906 Have you told your girlfriend about Robert? 853 00:53:58,982 --> 00:54:01,951 No. But you're going to? 854 00:54:02,019 --> 00:54:03,850 855 00:54:05,689 --> 00:54:07,520 856 00:54:07,591 --> 00:54:09,923 Well, maybe. 857 00:54:12,462 --> 00:54:14,362 858 00:54:16,466 --> 00:54:19,094 I really gotta go now. This was fun. 859 00:54:19,169 --> 00:54:22,332 I've never missed a day of work. I work all the time. 860 00:54:22,406 --> 00:54:25,569 Oh, yeah. But, it's nice just to hang out. 861 00:54:25,642 --> 00:54:28,304 Thanks for the manicure. Don't tell anybody. 862 00:54:28,378 --> 00:54:30,312 863 00:54:33,450 --> 00:54:35,145 864 00:54:35,819 --> 00:54:39,550 Aren't you nervous? How can you eat at a time like this? I can't believe it. 865 00:54:39,623 --> 00:54:42,956 Oy, is there lipstick on my teeth? No. 866 00:54:43,026 --> 00:54:44,960 Liar. Let's go. 867 00:54:45,028 --> 00:54:47,496 868 00:54:50,968 --> 00:54:52,902 Where were you today? 869 00:54:54,705 --> 00:54:58,163 Hmm? You were supposed to meet me. 870 00:54:59,843 --> 00:55:02,334 I thought we were gonna go shopping. 871 00:55:09,419 --> 00:55:11,910 You know, Carla, maybe we should watch our weight a little. 872 00:55:11,989 --> 00:55:16,289 I mean, we practically need olive oil to grease the zippers on these costumes. 873 00:55:16,360 --> 00:55:19,693 What? Don't go all L.A. on me, Connie. 874 00:55:19,763 --> 00:55:22,755 All these women come to our show and idolize us... 875 00:55:22,833 --> 00:55:26,462 because as men we have better female self-esteem than they do. 876 00:55:26,536 --> 00:55:29,869 Boy, you have some nerve. Are you all right? 877 00:55:29,940 --> 00:55:34,104 No! I was at that mall all day by myself, Connie. 878 00:55:34,177 --> 00:55:37,203 People stared at me. I felt naked. 879 00:55:37,280 --> 00:55:41,546 I can't hide out like this much longer. I need to get out of this closet. 880 00:55:41,618 --> 00:55:44,314 Well, you can't. 881 00:55:46,056 --> 00:55:48,217 Let's go. 882 00:55:48,291 --> 00:55:53,285 Polar bear walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a... beer." 883 00:55:53,363 --> 00:55:56,355 Bartender says, "What's with the big pause?" 884 00:55:56,433 --> 00:55:59,766 And the polar bear says, "Always had 'em." 885 00:55:59,836 --> 00:56:02,168 You suck! 886 00:56:02,239 --> 00:56:04,571 You're outta here, Brad. 887 00:56:04,641 --> 00:56:09,237 All right, uh, well, please welcome Connie and Carla and the Belles of the Balls. 888 00:56:11,715 --> 00:56:14,377 889 00:56:19,489 --> 00:56:22,890 ♪ Let me entertain you ♪ 890 00:56:22,959 --> 00:56:26,656 ♪ Let me make you smile ♪ 891 00:56:26,730 --> 00:56:30,166 ♪ Let me do a few tricks Some old and then some new tricks ♪ 892 00:56:30,233 --> 00:56:34,192 ♪ I'm very versatile ♪ 893 00:56:34,271 --> 00:56:38,264 ♪ And if you're real good I'll make you feel good ♪ 894 00:56:38,341 --> 00:56:44,246 ♪ I want your spirits to climb ♪ [Audience Whooping] 895 00:56:44,314 --> 00:56:46,714 ♪ So let me entertain you ♪ 896 00:56:46,783 --> 00:56:50,412 ♪ And we'll have a real good time, yes, sir ♪ 897 00:56:50,487 --> 00:56:55,515 ♪ We'll have a real good time ♪ 898 00:57:00,597 --> 00:57:05,091 Ladies and gentlemen, good evening. Welcome to the show. 899 00:57:05,168 --> 00:57:08,797 Aren't we all divine? [Audience Hoots, Claps] 900 00:57:08,872 --> 00:57:11,807 All right, here's the show we have planned for you tonight. 901 00:57:11,875 --> 00:57:14,309 Wait! Wait! Stop! 902 00:57:15,645 --> 00:57:18,478 I have an announcement to make. 903 00:57:20,517 --> 00:57:23,680 It's time you all knew. Carla, don't. 904 00:57:23,754 --> 00:57:27,918 I... am... 905 00:57:29,893 --> 00:57:32,919 an eater! 906 00:57:32,996 --> 00:57:34,930 That's right, ladies and gentlemen, 907 00:57:34,998 --> 00:57:37,831 and soon we're gonna be a full-service dinner theater. 908 00:57:37,901 --> 00:57:43,567 This is what America needs. To eat and watch a show where real women are real women. 909 00:57:43,640 --> 00:57:47,132 If you're naturally slim, fine. Okay, but come on. 910 00:57:47,210 --> 00:57:52,238 Starving ourselves to get thin. No hips, no breasts until we look just like little boys. 911 00:57:53,250 --> 00:57:58,483 Girlfriends, big or small, thin or fat, worship that body. 912 00:57:58,555 --> 00:58:00,489 It's the only one you've got. 913 00:58:04,394 --> 00:58:06,862 Hit it! ♪ So ♪ 914 00:58:06,930 --> 00:58:12,129 ♪ Let me entertain you ♪ 915 00:58:12,202 --> 00:58:15,262 ♪ And we'll have a real good time, yes, sir ♪ 916 00:58:15,338 --> 00:58:18,967 ♪ We'll have a real ♪ 917 00:58:19,042 --> 00:58:23,035 ♪ A real good ♪♪ Time ♪♪ 918 00:58:31,054 --> 00:58:34,546 Good night, Stanley. [Grunts] Ow! 919 00:58:34,624 --> 00:58:37,354 920 00:58:40,530 --> 00:58:42,464 921 00:58:44,467 --> 00:58:47,027 Here you go. 922 00:58:47,103 --> 00:58:51,096 923 00:58:53,476 --> 00:58:55,410 Cotton absorbs. 924 00:59:00,984 --> 00:59:02,918 925 00:59:06,389 --> 00:59:08,550 Surprised they don't market it like that. 926 00:59:08,625 --> 00:59:11,651 927 00:59:14,664 --> 00:59:19,158 l-I'm looking for Robert. His cell phone is off. Is he in there? 928 00:59:19,236 --> 00:59:21,204 No, she's gone. You missed our show. 929 00:59:21,271 --> 00:59:25,002 Oh, I'm not ready to see that yet. No offense about your job. 930 00:59:25,075 --> 00:59:28,169 None taken. It's not like I'm itching to come down and watch you flip burgers. 931 00:59:28,245 --> 00:59:30,770 I'm a financial advisor. 932 00:59:30,847 --> 00:59:34,180 Of course. I can smell the stress on you. 933 00:59:34,251 --> 00:59:36,344 I'm not as uptight as you think I am. 934 00:59:36,419 --> 00:59:39,547 Yes, you are. 935 00:59:39,623 --> 00:59:42,456 936 00:59:46,863 --> 00:59:49,388 Hey, bartender, I'm thirsty. 937 00:59:49,466 --> 00:59:54,460 Hey, hey. Why are you...Why are you different when you're away from all the other drag queens? 938 00:59:54,537 --> 00:59:56,869 What do you mean? I mean, it's like there's some kind of... 939 00:59:56,940 --> 00:59:59,773 drag queen code of behavior or something, you know? 940 00:59:59,843 --> 01:00:03,335 It's like...[Imitating Drag Queen] Stripes? 941 01:00:03,413 --> 01:00:06,871 Mary! Holy Martha Stewart's prison collection. 942 01:00:06,950 --> 01:00:10,613 I got three words for you, Miss Thing. 943 01:00:10,687 --> 01:00:13,178 944 01:00:13,256 --> 01:00:16,384 Four words. Yesterday! 945 01:00:16,459 --> 01:00:18,620 It's ridiculous. What is that? 946 01:00:18,695 --> 01:00:22,187 What? What was that? 947 01:00:22,265 --> 01:00:25,257 Oh, please, don't make me do it again. I think I pulled something. 948 01:00:25,335 --> 01:00:27,826 I mean, I wanna figure it out. I really do. 949 01:00:27,904 --> 01:00:30,395 I mean, are you... 950 01:00:30,473 --> 01:00:32,270 What's the thrill? Are you hiding? 951 01:00:32,342 --> 01:00:34,276 Actually, I am hiding. Yeah? 952 01:00:34,344 --> 01:00:38,007 Some murderers are after me and I'm hiding out as a drag queen. 953 01:00:38,081 --> 01:00:41,676 Really. Really, I'm asking you really. I'd like to know. I wanna figure this whole thing out. 954 01:00:43,687 --> 01:00:47,680 Is this the real you, or are you playing dress up? 955 01:00:47,757 --> 01:00:51,591 You understand? Are you...Are you playing dress up? 956 01:00:51,661 --> 01:00:54,687 Or is this the real you? 957 01:00:54,764 --> 01:00:57,255 I don't think you could handle the real me. 958 01:00:57,334 --> 01:01:00,326 You'd be all, "Oh, I want my mommy." 959 01:01:03,807 --> 01:01:05,775 Uh-uh. It's true. 960 01:01:05,842 --> 01:01:08,174 Uh-uh. So a real woman doesn't scare you? 961 01:01:08,244 --> 01:01:12,237 No. But, Connie, you're not a real woman. 962 01:01:12,315 --> 01:01:14,806 Oh, you'd be surprised, baby. 963 01:01:14,884 --> 01:01:17,045 I know your type. You like uptight girls. 964 01:01:17,120 --> 01:01:19,953 That is not true. That is so not true. 965 01:01:20,023 --> 01:01:21,957 966 01:01:22,025 --> 01:01:24,391 Am I your type? 967 01:01:27,564 --> 01:01:31,056 Sure. Yeah. You think I'm attractive? 968 01:01:33,069 --> 01:01:35,560 Connie, I've never seen you out of drag, 969 01:01:35,638 --> 01:01:39,631 but-but, uh, I have to say that as a broad, 970 01:01:39,709 --> 01:01:43,702 you're-you're a real looker. Ahh! 971 01:01:43,780 --> 01:01:46,271 Can I get another one, please? 972 01:01:54,224 --> 01:01:56,385 973 01:02:06,302 --> 01:02:09,396 I have been to dinner theaters in Idaho, to cabarets in Kansas. 974 01:02:09,472 --> 01:02:11,736 I have watched every show in this whole country. 975 01:02:11,808 --> 01:02:15,039 Connie and Carla have disappeared. 976 01:02:25,455 --> 01:02:27,946 You're just mad 'cause Connie didn't call you. 977 01:02:28,024 --> 01:02:32,620 Mikey, get it through that chunk-a-head of yours, Connie and Carla...they're gone. 978 01:02:34,864 --> 01:02:37,128 979 01:02:37,200 --> 01:02:40,067 Sorry, Mr. Rudy. Whoa. 980 01:02:40,136 --> 01:02:43,469 Who are you? I'm Al. 981 01:02:43,540 --> 01:02:45,531 I'm new. 982 01:02:45,608 --> 01:02:48,771 What's your problem, Al? 983 01:02:48,845 --> 01:02:51,837 Mikey. His girlfriend took off on him and... 984 01:02:51,915 --> 01:02:54,213 th-that's all. 985 01:02:57,387 --> 01:02:59,321 I love a good story. 986 01:03:02,959 --> 01:03:06,122 Where are Connie and Carla? We don't know. 987 01:03:06,196 --> 01:03:08,687 But Mikey says he got a hang-up call last night. 988 01:03:08,765 --> 01:03:12,565 Caller I.D. said area code 323. Los Angeles. 989 01:03:12,635 --> 01:03:15,229 Oh. What a story. 990 01:03:15,305 --> 01:03:19,105 Listen, you guys are useless to me here like this. 991 01:03:19,175 --> 01:03:21,905 What I want you to do is I want you to go out there, 992 01:03:21,978 --> 01:03:25,175 and I want you to find your girls. Are you serious? 993 01:03:25,248 --> 01:03:28,240 And when you do, call me. 994 01:03:28,318 --> 01:03:30,252 995 01:03:30,320 --> 01:03:32,584 996 01:03:32,655 --> 01:03:35,488 I gotta know how it ends. 997 01:03:35,558 --> 01:03:37,753 Uh, Mr. Rudy, oh, thank you. 998 01:03:37,827 --> 01:03:39,351 999 01:03:43,299 --> 01:03:45,631 Follow that idiot. 1000 01:03:55,411 --> 01:03:57,470 Uh, I already saw you. 1001 01:03:57,547 --> 01:03:59,447 Hello? I... 1002 01:03:59,516 --> 01:04:01,313 1003 01:04:01,384 --> 01:04:03,443 Wait! Look, I'm not... 1004 01:04:03,520 --> 01:04:05,283 I know you're not. That was just a big... 1005 01:04:05,355 --> 01:04:07,289 It was just a mistake, what happened. Yeah, a big mistake. 1006 01:04:07,357 --> 01:04:10,190 Can't we be friends? No. No, we can't. 1007 01:04:10,260 --> 01:04:14,560 I don't have time for this. This whole thing. Okay? 1008 01:04:14,631 --> 01:04:16,496 It's not normal. 1009 01:04:26,676 --> 01:04:30,305 Don't you think it's a little bit weird, Mr. Rudy giving us this cash to come out? 1010 01:04:30,380 --> 01:04:33,372 He cares about me. Since when? 1011 01:04:33,449 --> 01:04:35,542 I'm not sure. 1012 01:04:35,618 --> 01:04:39,145 There's some things about Mr. Rudy that might surprise you. 1013 01:04:39,222 --> 01:04:40,883 I heard some stuff. 1014 01:04:42,225 --> 01:04:44,989 What'd I do? Would you find a map? 1015 01:04:52,502 --> 01:04:54,834 Wanna ride? 1016 01:05:03,012 --> 01:05:07,005 You missed rehearsal this morning. Carla, please. 1017 01:05:07,083 --> 01:05:10,883 I just got dumped. What are you talking about? 1018 01:05:10,954 --> 01:05:14,014 How could I not know? What, the straight guy? 1019 01:05:14,090 --> 01:05:17,924 Yeah. But he thinks I'm a guy, so it's over before it even started. 1020 01:05:17,994 --> 01:05:20,428 1021 01:05:22,432 --> 01:05:27,096 Isn't that Jeff? Oh, yeah. That's interesting. 1022 01:05:33,476 --> 01:05:36,775 It's Jeff? Right in the throat. 1023 01:05:36,846 --> 01:05:38,780 Are you crazy? You must be out of your mind! 1024 01:05:38,848 --> 01:05:42,079 Carla! Carla! Your knee is in my coochie! Get off! 1025 01:05:42,151 --> 01:05:44,381 Are you sick? Do you have some kind of death wish? 1026 01:05:44,454 --> 01:05:46,388 Why would you take a chance on exposing us? 1027 01:05:46,456 --> 01:05:49,448 He'll talk about it to Robert, then she'll talk. People will talk. 1028 01:05:49,525 --> 01:05:52,892 Then those guys will find us and kill us! Your voice is giving me mono. 1029 01:05:52,962 --> 01:05:56,125 Nothing happened. Back off! 1030 01:05:58,668 --> 01:06:02,604 You yelled at me. We're fighting. 1031 01:06:02,672 --> 01:06:06,608 We never fight. What's happening to us? We're having a nervous breakdown. 1032 01:06:06,676 --> 01:06:09,236 Yeah, maybe we're having a delayed reaction to the trauma of being shot at... 1033 01:06:09,312 --> 01:06:11,803 like those guys in Nam. You can't say "Nam," Carla. 1034 01:06:11,881 --> 01:06:15,009 You weren't in Nam. You have to call it Vietnam! 1035 01:06:15,084 --> 01:06:18,349 Shut up, Connie! I can call it what I want! Oh, God! I kissed Jeff! 1036 01:06:18,421 --> 01:06:21,686 I kissed Jeff, and I wanna kiss him again without my wig! 1037 01:06:21,758 --> 01:06:24,249 You can't, Connie! You can't! You did? 1038 01:06:24,327 --> 01:06:28,627 Just my luck. I meet the guy of my dreams and he's straight! 1039 01:06:28,698 --> 01:06:31,963 Look at us! We're ridiculous, Carla. I can't do this anymore. 1040 01:06:32,035 --> 01:06:35,334 Shut up, Connie. We're in this because of you! 1041 01:06:35,405 --> 01:06:38,397 It was your idea to borrow money for new costumes, even though you knew Frank was a gangster. 1042 01:06:38,474 --> 01:06:41,136 So because of you, we saw him get killed. 1043 01:06:41,210 --> 01:06:43,872 And then we... yes, we...got shot at. 1044 01:06:43,946 --> 01:06:47,780 Shot at with real guns. And that white powder? That was cocaine. 1045 01:06:47,850 --> 01:06:51,342 You got us mixed up with some real criminals. Murderers. 1046 01:06:51,421 --> 01:06:53,218 And it was your stupid idea to be drag queens. 1047 01:06:53,289 --> 01:06:56,224 Now we're in hiding for life as women dressed as men dressed as women. 1048 01:06:56,292 --> 01:06:58,817 So shut up, shut up, shut up! 1049 01:07:02,865 --> 01:07:07,302 I...You've been weird. 1050 01:07:08,705 --> 01:07:11,003 Cut it out. 1051 01:07:11,074 --> 01:07:13,372 1052 01:07:18,147 --> 01:07:20,342 I'm sorry. 1053 01:07:29,425 --> 01:07:32,087 Girls, we need help! Open the door! 1054 01:07:32,161 --> 01:07:34,595 Peaches and Jeff are fighting. Let's go! Quick! 1055 01:07:34,664 --> 01:07:37,656 You won't even go inside. 1056 01:07:37,734 --> 01:07:40,202 You won't dare to look at the show. 1057 01:07:40,269 --> 01:07:42,601 I've asked you and I've asked you. You won't do it. 1058 01:07:42,672 --> 01:07:46,369 Robert, I've invested days and energy in this relationship. I'm trying. 1059 01:07:46,442 --> 01:07:51,709 But, you gotta give me a break It's hard for me to see you like this. 1060 01:07:51,781 --> 01:07:54,614 You can't pick and choose the parts of me... 1061 01:07:54,684 --> 01:07:57,175 that don't make you sick to your stomach. 1062 01:07:58,287 --> 01:08:01,415 You can't have half a relationship with me, Jeff. 1063 01:08:06,195 --> 01:08:08,095 1064 01:08:08,164 --> 01:08:11,759 Oh, my God. What are you...What are you doing here? 1065 01:08:11,834 --> 01:08:15,998 It's not what you think. Jeff, I can see that. 1066 01:08:16,072 --> 01:08:18,563 So this is what you've been up to? No. 1067 01:08:18,641 --> 01:08:20,404 Sneaking around when you said you were working? 1068 01:08:20,476 --> 01:08:23,934 That's his girlfriend. I thought you were seeing other women. 1069 01:08:24,013 --> 01:08:26,481 No, Mary. Her name is Mary? 1070 01:08:26,549 --> 01:08:28,483 1071 01:08:30,286 --> 01:08:32,481 Introduce me to your girlfriend. 1072 01:08:38,494 --> 01:08:42,828 Mary, this is Robert. 1073 01:08:44,834 --> 01:08:46,665 My brother. 1074 01:08:52,074 --> 01:08:54,406 1075 01:08:54,477 --> 01:08:57,105 Okay. Um, we're gonna give you guys some privacy. 1076 01:09:00,483 --> 01:09:02,678 Jeff, they're freaks. 1077 01:09:16,098 --> 01:09:18,032 God. 1078 01:09:51,534 --> 01:09:54,765 She's fine. He's fine. Everything's all right. Let's just leave her alone. 1079 01:09:54,837 --> 01:09:58,671 Maybe just a glass of water? My heart's pounding. I thought she was going to kill that girl. 1080 01:09:58,741 --> 01:10:04,077 One who should watch out is that Jeff. I'm going to knock him into next week. I swear to God. 1081 01:10:04,146 --> 01:10:06,137 1082 01:10:12,989 --> 01:10:15,981 1083 01:10:18,995 --> 01:10:21,657 Ouch. You know? 1084 01:10:24,500 --> 01:10:26,491 1085 01:10:28,638 --> 01:10:30,970 Christ. 1086 01:10:34,510 --> 01:10:37,343 [Blows Nose] Let's eat. 1087 01:10:37,413 --> 01:10:39,404 1088 01:10:39,482 --> 01:10:41,643 And he wouldn't stop asking me questions. 1089 01:10:41,717 --> 01:10:44,208 It was like I was Professor Cross-dresser or something. 1090 01:10:44,287 --> 01:10:49,782 Like he says, " Why are you called drag queens? Nobody's being dragged. You're not dragging anything." 1091 01:10:49,859 --> 01:10:52,123 Well, that comes from Shakespeare. Really? 1092 01:10:52,194 --> 01:10:56,858 Yeah. He'd write, "So-and-so enters," and in the margin, he'd put the initials D.R.A.G. 1093 01:10:56,933 --> 01:10:58,924 "So-and-so enters dressed as girl." 1094 01:10:59,001 --> 01:11:03,836 Drag. Okay, Shakespeare. How about Ophelia Up? No. 1095 01:11:03,906 --> 01:11:06,670 Wanda DeCountryside? It's not me. 1096 01:11:06,742 --> 01:11:09,472 Devoida Talent? Stop it. 1097 01:11:09,545 --> 01:11:12,139 Personally, I like Wanda DeCountryside. 1098 01:11:12,214 --> 01:11:15,706 What are you looking over here for? That's your side. Turn around, look over there. 1099 01:11:18,187 --> 01:11:20,985 1100 01:11:24,794 --> 01:11:30,630 Come by later if you wanna talk. Oh, sweetie. I am all talked out. 1101 01:11:35,638 --> 01:11:38,471 1102 01:11:41,477 --> 01:11:45,607 You okay? Yeah. I've got guy problems. 1103 01:11:45,681 --> 01:11:47,512 Oh, sweetie. 1104 01:11:50,586 --> 01:11:52,918 Come on. 1105 01:11:54,924 --> 01:11:57,154 Welcome to What's Up L.A. 1106 01:11:57,226 --> 01:12:02,061 A dinner theater that's full of drag queens? Holy stockings. 1107 01:12:02,131 --> 01:12:05,589 Gorgeous...Connie and Carla, there you are. 1108 01:12:05,668 --> 01:12:08,637 If you could just spare us five minutes. 1109 01:12:08,704 --> 01:12:12,367 A big hit here in West Hollywood. Just tell us a little something. 1110 01:12:12,441 --> 01:12:15,103 Don't be so shy. You've made a big splash. 1111 01:12:15,177 --> 01:12:17,111 It's just a local station.[Panting] 1112 01:12:17,179 --> 01:12:20,307 Our viewers are dying to know you. Okay. 1113 01:12:20,383 --> 01:12:24,649 What makes you the best drag queens ever? Honey, we do our own singing. 1114 01:12:24,720 --> 01:12:27,211 No lip-synching for us, toots. 1115 01:12:27,289 --> 01:12:30,622 We do all your favorite show tunes wrapped in a delicious dinner. 1116 01:12:32,228 --> 01:12:36,221 That was a big mistake. We have been flirting with disaster ever since we went on that stage. 1117 01:12:36,298 --> 01:12:37,697 Carla. Connie.[Both Gasp] 1118 01:12:37,767 --> 01:12:39,962 What are you doing here? What the hell is going on? 1119 01:12:40,036 --> 01:12:42,334 How did you find us? Carla, how come you're a guy now? 1120 01:12:42,405 --> 01:12:45,238 Uh, Connie. I think a lot of people just saw that. Yeah, but it's local news. 1121 01:12:45,307 --> 01:12:47,741 There's no way that that Russian or Rudy guy saw it. Mr. Rudy. 1122 01:12:47,810 --> 01:12:49,368 Our boss. 1123 01:12:49,445 --> 01:12:51,003 You work for Rudy? He sent us to find you. 1124 01:12:51,080 --> 01:12:52,980 What? What the hell? 1125 01:12:53,049 --> 01:12:56,746 You just tell Rudy that we wanna live. We're not gonna tell anybody that he killed poor Frank. 1126 01:12:56,819 --> 01:13:00,050 Wait. He killed Frank? You should listen to some of the guys once in a while. 1127 01:13:00,122 --> 01:13:02,215 Al, we saw him kill poor Frank. To death. 1128 01:13:02,291 --> 01:13:04,020 What happened? Rudy knows you're in L.A. 1129 01:13:04,093 --> 01:13:07,654 We gotta get out of town. We can't. The official dinner theater opening is tomorrow night. 1130 01:13:07,730 --> 01:13:10,722 We can't let everybody down. They're depending on us. We can't do that to Stanley. 1131 01:13:10,800 --> 01:13:16,136 Why'd you cheat on me, Mikey? I didn't, Carla. Ever. 1132 01:13:16,205 --> 01:13:18,571 Al just made that up because he was mad at Connie. 1133 01:13:19,775 --> 01:13:23,336 Come on, Carla. Don't go be a guy. 1134 01:13:23,412 --> 01:13:26,939 You don't understand, Mikey. I like doing the show. I'm good at it. I like being Carla and Connie. 1135 01:13:27,016 --> 01:13:29,883 Connie and Carla. Yeah. How come your name's always first? 1136 01:13:29,952 --> 01:13:31,681 It sounds better. We talked about it. This is serious! 1137 01:13:31,754 --> 01:13:33,449 We know. So let's go already. 1138 01:13:33,522 --> 01:13:36,355 Hold on. I need time to think. Your voice is giving me shingles. 1139 01:13:36,425 --> 01:13:38,757 We need time. Connie's gonna make a plan. I'm gonna make a plan. 1140 01:13:38,828 --> 01:13:42,958 She's gonna make a plan. Fine. Call us at this motel. Room 209. First thing in the morning. 1141 01:13:43,032 --> 01:13:44,556 You wanna stay over? Yeah. Mikey! 1142 01:13:44,633 --> 01:13:47,124 Carla, let's go. Connie, did you miss me? 1143 01:13:47,203 --> 01:13:48,295 No. Yeah, you did. 1144 01:13:48,370 --> 01:13:51,771 Rudy. I find them. 1145 01:13:54,343 --> 01:13:57,676 I'm an ass. I should've seen your show. 1146 01:13:57,747 --> 01:14:01,342 I should've told my girlfriend about you. I should've loved you and accepted you... 1147 01:14:01,417 --> 01:14:04,113 and been okay with the fact that you wear dresses. 1148 01:14:06,789 --> 01:14:09,952 I'm sorry, Robert. 1149 01:14:18,701 --> 01:14:22,034 It's just that when you left home, it was hard on me. I was 12 years old. 1150 01:14:22,104 --> 01:14:24,038 I wake up one morning and you were just gone. 1151 01:14:24,106 --> 01:14:27,098 You didn't call me. You never even wrote to me. I got kicked out. 1152 01:14:30,946 --> 01:14:34,575 What? No. Mom and Dad kicked me out. 1153 01:14:34,650 --> 01:14:37,949 They found my bra. 1154 01:14:38,020 --> 01:14:42,116 You thought I left? Yeah. 1155 01:14:42,191 --> 01:14:44,125 1156 01:14:50,766 --> 01:14:52,961 Well, whatever happened, 1157 01:14:53,035 --> 01:14:56,596 Mom regrets it. 1158 01:14:56,672 --> 01:15:00,369 She does? Oh, yeah. Dad too. 1159 01:15:00,442 --> 01:15:02,933 1160 01:15:04,013 --> 01:15:06,846 No. They wanna see you. 1161 01:15:07,850 --> 01:15:11,047 Jeff, for the first time in my life, I like who I am. 1162 01:15:11,120 --> 01:15:14,112 Forget it. 1163 01:15:14,190 --> 01:15:16,124 1164 01:15:17,760 --> 01:15:20,729 I wanna be part of your life. 1165 01:15:27,503 --> 01:15:29,494 I'll say hi to Mom and Dad for you. 1166 01:15:32,708 --> 01:15:35,199 And Grandma too. Okay. 1167 01:15:53,896 --> 01:15:56,729 Oh, uh, and Jeff, uh, just a heads up. 1168 01:15:56,799 --> 01:16:01,429 My roommate, 'N' Cream, is on a tear to kick your ass. 1169 01:16:01,503 --> 01:16:06,270 'N' Cream that...Oh, the little... the little...Yeah. The... 1170 01:16:08,844 --> 01:16:11,745 Tell him... Tell him to bring it. Make a joke. I warned you. 1171 01:16:11,814 --> 01:16:14,783 Thanks for the warning. Go, go, go. Go. 1172 01:16:17,286 --> 01:16:19,254 1173 01:16:21,423 --> 01:16:24,756 1174 01:16:26,228 --> 01:16:29,720 Robert's not here. Yeah, I know. I just came from up there. 1175 01:16:29,798 --> 01:16:32,198 Uh-huh. About the other night, I wanted to... 1176 01:16:32,268 --> 01:16:35,066 Yeah. Um, how's Mary? 1177 01:16:35,137 --> 01:16:39,631 Well, we talked about things for hours. It's not good. 1178 01:16:39,708 --> 01:16:43,371 I mean, the relationship, it's just... We broke up. 1179 01:16:45,948 --> 01:16:48,280 1180 01:16:48,350 --> 01:16:50,409 I wanted to apologize to you. 1181 01:16:52,087 --> 01:16:56,080 Um, you're not freaks. You're not a freak. 1182 01:16:56,158 --> 01:16:58,422 I hated seeing you hurt. 1183 01:17:00,529 --> 01:17:04,192 Thanks, Jeff. I have fun when I'm with you. 1184 01:17:04,266 --> 01:17:06,427 Well, all of you, you know? 1185 01:17:08,037 --> 01:17:10,471 It's just, I'm not...I know. You told me. 1186 01:17:10,539 --> 01:17:13,201 1187 01:17:21,717 --> 01:17:24,049 1188 01:17:34,530 --> 01:17:37,693 Good morning, L.A. Looking at the freeways, 1189 01:17:37,766 --> 01:17:41,031 three cars got together on the 101 at Winnetka. Mikey. 1190 01:17:41,103 --> 01:17:45,597 Connie and Carla will call. I know. 1191 01:17:48,777 --> 01:17:51,871 [Line Ringing] Sahara Motel. Hi, Room 209. 1192 01:17:51,947 --> 01:17:54,711 I'll connect you. 1193 01:17:54,783 --> 01:17:55,807 Hello. Hi, Al. 1194 01:17:55,884 --> 01:17:57,408 Connie. Listen, we're coming... 1195 01:17:57,486 --> 01:17:59,147 Mikey, talked to this guy. Rudy's on his way. What? 1196 01:17:59,221 --> 01:18:01,189 He's gonna kill us all. We gotta get out of here. Okay, bye. 1197 01:18:01,256 --> 01:18:05,454 Mikey just talked to a guy from work. Rudy's on his way to L.A. We gotta go! 1198 01:18:05,527 --> 01:18:10,021 No. Carla. We're gonna die. 1199 01:18:10,099 --> 01:18:14,593 I am so sorry for dragging you into this mess. I love this mess. 1200 01:18:14,670 --> 01:18:18,834 Thank you for dragging me. Pun intended. 1201 01:18:18,907 --> 01:18:21,375 Listen, who says they're gonna find us in this big city anyway? 1202 01:18:21,443 --> 01:18:24,810 Would they be looking for a couple of queens? 1203 01:18:24,880 --> 01:18:29,374 Here's my plan. We launch the show. We stay for one night. 1204 01:18:29,451 --> 01:18:32,887 The audience sees how great the guys are and they come back, and Stanley doesn't lose any money. 1205 01:18:32,955 --> 01:18:35,856 That's a good plan. I know. 1206 01:18:41,030 --> 01:18:43,191 One night. 1207 01:18:47,269 --> 01:18:51,865 One last show. Okay? 1208 01:18:51,940 --> 01:18:54,101 Okay. 1209 01:19:04,486 --> 01:19:07,319 So, I've been thinking. 1210 01:19:07,389 --> 01:19:10,916 We should have the guys enter from the back of the house on "Good Morning Starshine." 1211 01:19:10,993 --> 01:19:13,928 Oh, honey. If you're gonna enter from the house, 1212 01:19:13,996 --> 01:19:16,931 you've gotta do it on "76 Trombones." 1213 01:19:16,999 --> 01:19:21,095 Debbie Reynolds! Hi, hi, hi! 1214 01:19:21,170 --> 01:19:23,661 Hello there. Hello there. 1215 01:19:23,739 --> 01:19:25,604 Somebody put a letter in my mailbox. 1216 01:19:25,674 --> 01:19:28,142 I saw your house on the Star Map. 1217 01:19:28,210 --> 01:19:31,373 You know, you've got a pretty hot idea here. A dinner theater. 1218 01:19:31,447 --> 01:19:35,008 Will you please be in our show? Yeah, will you please be in our show? 1219 01:19:35,084 --> 01:19:37,052 We open tonight, so there's not a lot of time to rehearse. 1220 01:19:37,119 --> 01:19:42,455 Oh, honey, I've got sheet music and gorgeous gowns and a good underwire bra. 1221 01:19:42,524 --> 01:19:45,459 I could go on now. 1222 01:19:45,527 --> 01:19:48,724 So chins out, boobs up, it's showtime. 1223 01:19:49,331 --> 01:19:50,798 1224 01:19:52,468 --> 01:19:54,493 1225 01:19:59,808 --> 01:20:02,800 1226 01:20:07,850 --> 01:20:11,513 Thank you. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, 1227 01:20:11,587 --> 01:20:16,854 I'd like to welcome you to the official opening of Stanley's Dinner Theater... 1228 01:20:20,596 --> 01:20:22,757 We love you, Stanley! 1229 01:20:29,037 --> 01:20:30,629 Thank you. 1230 01:20:32,141 --> 01:20:35,975 And now, please say hello to the Belles of the Balls... 1231 01:20:36,044 --> 01:20:39,207 and the one, the only, Connie and Carla. 1232 01:20:41,250 --> 01:20:44,617 ♪♪ [Hoedown] 1233 01:20:44,686 --> 01:20:47,314 Oh, sit back, sweets. It's just us. 1234 01:20:47,389 --> 01:20:51,723 Have we got a show for you. I hope you brought a change of panties, 'cause... 1235 01:20:51,793 --> 01:20:55,285 ♪ I'm just a girl who can't say no ♪ 1236 01:20:55,364 --> 01:20:58,629 ♪ I'm in a terrible fix ♪ 1237 01:20:58,700 --> 01:21:02,136 ♪ I always say, "Come on, let's go" ♪ 1238 01:21:02,204 --> 01:21:05,071 ♪Just when I oughta say nix ♪ 1239 01:21:05,140 --> 01:21:08,871 ♪ When a person tries to kiss a girl ♪ 1240 01:21:08,944 --> 01:21:11,572 ♪ I know she oughta give his face a smack ♪ Smack. 1241 01:21:11,647 --> 01:21:16,141 Smack! ♪ But as soon as someone kisses me ♪ 1242 01:21:16,218 --> 01:21:18,812 ♪ I somehow, sort of wanna kiss him back ♪ 1243 01:21:18,887 --> 01:21:22,152 ♪ Back ♪ 1244 01:21:24,393 --> 01:21:28,523 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our very special guest, 1245 01:21:28,597 --> 01:21:32,499 Ms. Debbie Reynolds. 1246 01:21:32,568 --> 01:21:35,366 1247 01:21:35,437 --> 01:21:39,203 ♪ There are worse things I could do ♪ 1248 01:21:39,274 --> 01:21:41,174 ♪ Doo-wop ♪ 1249 01:21:41,243 --> 01:21:45,043 ♪ Then go with a boy or two ♪ 1250 01:21:45,113 --> 01:21:47,274 ♪ Two-wop ♪ 1251 01:21:47,349 --> 01:21:51,945 ♪ Even though the neighborhood thinks I'm trashy ♪ 1252 01:21:52,020 --> 01:21:53,214 ♪ And no good ♪ ♪ She's no good ♪ 1253 01:21:53,288 --> 01:21:56,189 ♪ I suppose it could be true ♪ 1254 01:21:56,258 --> 01:21:59,716 ♪ But there's worse things I could do ♪ ♪ Wop ♪♪ 1255 01:22:03,632 --> 01:22:06,601 ♪ Memory ♪ [Cat Meows] 1256 01:22:06,668 --> 01:22:09,865 ♪ All alone in moonlight ♪ 1257 01:22:09,938 --> 01:22:12,805 ♪ I could smile at the old days ♪ 1258 01:22:12,874 --> 01:22:15,900 Police! Drop the cat. ♪ I was beautiful then ♪♪ 1259 01:22:15,978 --> 01:22:18,276 On your knees. Hands in the air. 1260 01:22:18,347 --> 01:22:21,839 ♪ Kiss today good-bye ♪ 1261 01:22:24,119 --> 01:22:28,112 ♪ The sweetness and the sorrow ♪ 1262 01:22:30,525 --> 01:22:36,020 ♪ We did what we had to do ♪ 1263 01:22:39,701 --> 01:22:43,603 ♪ Won't forget Can't regret ♪ 1264 01:22:43,672 --> 01:22:50,077 ♪ What I did for love ♪ 1265 01:22:51,213 --> 01:22:55,673 ♪ What I did for love ♪ 1266 01:22:57,252 --> 01:23:02,781 ♪ What I did for love ♪ 1267 01:23:08,597 --> 01:23:10,690 1268 01:23:37,859 --> 01:23:43,388 1269 01:23:43,465 --> 01:23:47,060 ♪ Good morning starshine ♪ 1270 01:23:47,135 --> 01:23:49,797 ♪ The earth says hello ♪ 1271 01:23:49,871 --> 01:23:54,069 ♪ You twinkle above us ♪ 1272 01:23:54,142 --> 01:23:56,201 ♪ We twinkle below ♪ 1273 01:23:56,278 --> 01:24:00,510 Oh, my God! I can't believe it! What are we gonna do? 1274 01:24:00,582 --> 01:24:04,916 ♪ You lead us along ♪ 1275 01:24:04,986 --> 01:24:06,681 1276 01:24:06,755 --> 01:24:12,921 ♪ As we sing our early morning singing song ♪♪ 1277 01:24:15,397 --> 01:24:22,326 ♪ You coax the blues right out of the horn, Mame ♪ 1278 01:24:22,404 --> 01:24:28,001 ♪ You charm the husk right off of the corn, Mame ♪ 1279 01:24:28,076 --> 01:24:31,409 ♪ You've got the banjoes strummin' ♪ 1280 01:24:31,480 --> 01:24:35,109 ♪ And plunkin' out a tune to beat the band ♪ 1281 01:24:35,183 --> 01:24:37,583 ♪ The whole plantation's humming ♪ 1282 01:24:37,652 --> 01:24:40,553 1283 01:24:43,058 --> 01:24:46,050 You've got something that's mine. You killed poor Frank. 1284 01:24:46,128 --> 01:24:48,961 Let 'em go, Mr. Rudy. Get lost. 1285 01:24:51,767 --> 01:24:54,895 Kick it, girls! ♪ Mame ♪ 1286 01:24:54,970 --> 01:24:57,962 Let's go, ladies. No! 1287 01:24:58,039 --> 01:25:00,337 1288 01:25:01,610 --> 01:25:04,443 Take care of the Debbie. 1289 01:25:04,513 --> 01:25:06,310 I loved you in What's the Matter with Helen. 1290 01:25:14,856 --> 01:25:16,414 1291 01:25:20,462 --> 01:25:22,726 1292 01:25:24,733 --> 01:25:27,133 You screwed up the number, you bastard! 1293 01:25:27,202 --> 01:25:28,999 1294 01:25:41,583 --> 01:25:44,074 Get up! 1295 01:25:57,232 --> 01:26:00,633 1296 01:26:00,702 --> 01:26:02,829 Beads! 1297 01:26:02,904 --> 01:26:04,531 Hey! 1298 01:26:07,709 --> 01:26:09,609 Get 'em! 1299 01:26:15,083 --> 01:26:19,315 You guys are bad! Police! Everybody freeze! 1300 01:26:23,859 --> 01:26:26,157 These are the bad guys! 1301 01:26:26,228 --> 01:26:30,028 You gotta take 'em away! All right, ladies. We'll take it from here. 1302 01:26:30,098 --> 01:26:32,623 - He killed fat man! - He had a gland problem! 1303 01:26:32,701 --> 01:26:34,896 - [Officer] Cuff 'em! - You're horrible! 1304 01:26:34,970 --> 01:26:37,131 How do you like it? How do you like it? What are you doing? 1305 01:26:37,205 --> 01:26:39,298 Hey. Oh, Mikey, I love you! 1306 01:26:39,374 --> 01:26:42,070 - I love you. - Thanks, Al. You did good. 1307 01:26:42,143 --> 01:26:44,976 - Hey! Good show. - Thanks. 1308 01:26:45,046 --> 01:26:48,140 - You need a baritone? - Yeah, call us when you get out. 1309 01:27:00,595 --> 01:27:03,894 Okay. On with the show. "Mame." 1310 01:27:03,965 --> 01:27:06,126 Top of"corn." 1311 01:27:08,904 --> 01:27:14,570 - What the hell was that all about? - Um, the Guys and Dolls tribute? 1312 01:27:14,643 --> 01:27:17,043 Oh, save it, Mary. What just happened? 1313 01:27:17,112 --> 01:27:19,273 Come on, Connie. 1314 01:27:22,284 --> 01:27:26,118 Let's tell 'em the truth. No more lies. 1315 01:27:37,299 --> 01:27:40,291 I'm sure you're all wondering... 1316 01:27:40,368 --> 01:27:43,030 what the cops and... 1317 01:27:45,106 --> 01:27:48,598 First, we owed some money, and then we saw something... 1318 01:27:48,677 --> 01:27:52,010 and we've been hiding for a while, 1319 01:27:52,080 --> 01:27:54,207 pretending to be something that we're not. 1320 01:28:00,422 --> 01:28:02,856 Hey, who saw Yentl? 1321 01:28:05,660 --> 01:28:08,925 So Barbra Streisand wants to study the Talmud, right? 1322 01:28:08,997 --> 01:28:12,660 But, she can't because she's a woman, so she pretends to be a man, 1323 01:28:12,734 --> 01:28:16,067 and, uh, one thing leads to the next, 1324 01:28:16,137 --> 01:28:18,731 and before you know it... 1325 01:28:18,807 --> 01:28:23,972 Uh...Everybody... Everybody believes that she's a man. 1326 01:28:24,045 --> 01:28:28,209 So she has to keep lying...even though she wants to stop, she can't, 1327 01:28:28,283 --> 01:28:31,309 'cause she has to keep lying to people that she cares about. 1328 01:28:32,854 --> 01:28:36,187 You know, that have been really kind. 1329 01:28:37,192 --> 01:28:41,356 Look, uh, 1330 01:28:43,932 --> 01:28:47,993 we're women. 1331 01:28:48,069 --> 01:28:50,367 1332 01:28:50,438 --> 01:28:52,872 No, you don't get it. We're women. 1333 01:28:52,941 --> 01:28:55,876 1334 01:28:58,780 --> 01:29:01,214 1335 01:29:03,885 --> 01:29:07,480 1336 01:29:11,092 --> 01:29:14,255 We're sorry we lied. So sorry. 1337 01:29:14,329 --> 01:29:18,197 1338 01:29:18,266 --> 01:29:20,666 Get off the stage! 1339 01:29:20,735 --> 01:29:24,102 Let's go back to Chicago. 1340 01:29:24,172 --> 01:29:27,335 The patio door is shut and our hair is caught in it. I know. 1341 01:29:27,409 --> 01:29:30,901 Excuse me! Hello! 1342 01:29:33,815 --> 01:29:36,511 Didn't you used to work at the Slimming Salon? 1343 01:29:36,584 --> 01:29:40,520 Yes. Mrs. Morse? 1344 01:29:42,524 --> 01:29:46,688 Well, I don't care what you are. You always made me feel beautiful. 1345 01:29:46,761 --> 01:29:50,993 But we thought you were men, and you're not really men. 1346 01:29:52,333 --> 01:29:56,099 Oh, honey, who is anymore? 1347 01:30:01,576 --> 01:30:04,374 I thought something was up. Me too. 1348 01:30:04,446 --> 01:30:08,177 No, you didn't. Girls, in an art form based on... 1349 01:30:08,249 --> 01:30:11,275 being true to one's real self, welcome to your outing. 1350 01:30:18,026 --> 01:30:20,961 Jeff? Connie. 1351 01:30:21,029 --> 01:30:24,021 Oh, great. More drama. You came to my show. 1352 01:30:24,099 --> 01:30:27,227 I love show tunes. Hey, everybody, this is my brother Jeff. 1353 01:30:27,302 --> 01:30:31,796 1354 01:30:31,873 --> 01:30:34,967 You look, uh...You look different. 1355 01:30:35,043 --> 01:30:38,444 Jeff, I'm a woman. 1356 01:30:38,513 --> 01:30:41,482 It's an authentic look. Yeah, but... 1357 01:30:41,549 --> 01:30:44,211 No. I mean I'm female. We're girls. 1358 01:30:44,285 --> 01:30:46,219 We were faking it. It's this long story... 1359 01:30:46,287 --> 01:30:48,812 Connie, please, we've been over that. 1360 01:30:50,658 --> 01:30:52,751 1361 01:30:58,967 --> 01:31:01,800 1362 01:31:03,538 --> 01:31:07,030 1363 01:31:13,214 --> 01:31:15,307 Well, I could get used to that. 1364 01:31:16,885 --> 01:31:21,049 Jeff is the guy? Yeah. 1365 01:31:21,122 --> 01:31:24,148 You're the guy. 1366 01:31:24,225 --> 01:31:26,853 Get up here and kiss her, you fool. 1367 01:31:51,119 --> 01:31:53,110 1368 01:32:03,898 --> 01:32:06,196 Ooh. The finale. What? 1369 01:32:06,267 --> 01:32:09,100 The finale. Oh! 1370 01:32:10,905 --> 01:32:13,738 ♪ There is nothing like a dame ♪ 1371 01:32:13,808 --> 01:32:16,800 ♪ Nothing in the world ♪ 1372 01:32:16,878 --> 01:32:19,073 ♪ There is nothing you can name ♪ 1373 01:32:19,147 --> 01:32:22,810 ♪ That is anything like a dame ♪ 1374 01:32:22,884 --> 01:32:26,217 ♪ There are no books like a dame ♪ 1375 01:32:26,287 --> 01:32:29,745 ♪ And nothing looks like a dame ♪ 1376 01:32:29,824 --> 01:32:33,590 ♪ There are no drinks like a dame ♪ Carla's a big star now. 1377 01:32:33,661 --> 01:32:35,822 And I'm her boyfriend. 1378 01:32:35,897 --> 01:32:39,264 ♪ Nothing acts like a dame ♪ 1379 01:32:39,334 --> 01:32:42,326 ♪ Or attracts like a dame ♪ 1380 01:32:42,403 --> 01:32:46,203 ♪ There ain't a thing that's wrong with any man here ♪ 1381 01:32:46,274 --> 01:32:49,209 ♪ That can't be cured by putting him near ♪ 1382 01:32:49,277 --> 01:32:54,544 ♪ A girlie, womanly, female, feminine ♪