1
00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:22,372
(MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)

2
00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:37,513
(SINGING) Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me

3
00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:41,517
BRIDGET: How in hell
did I end up here again?

4
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,102
Ugh.

5
00:01:43,311 --> 00:01:44,686
Fuck off.

6
00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:46,855
(MUSIC STOPS PLAYING)

7
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:47,940
(CHANNEL CHANGES)

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00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:52,402
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)

9
00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:09,378
(MOUTHING LYRICS)

10
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:56,425
BRIDGET: My birthday actually
began the way of all my birthdays.

11
00:02:56,801 --> 00:02:58,719
(CELLPHONE RINGING)

12
00:02:58,887 --> 00:02:59,887
(SIGHS)

13
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:10,647
MUM: Hello, darling. Just ringing
to wish you a happy birthday!

14
00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:12,524
Mum? It's 6:00 a. m.

15
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:14,359
MUM: I'm doing the FaceTime.

16
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,320
Una taught me.
It's really marvelous!

17
00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:17,779
Mum, the point of FaceTime

18
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:20,532
is that you haven't got
to put the phone to your ear.

19
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,201
MUM: Oh! Silly me!

20
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:23,452
Oh! There you are!

21
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:26,163
This time, 43 years ago,

22
00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:29,625
I was having a lamb biryani
in an attempt to coax you out.

23
00:03:30,501 --> 00:03:33,462
Twenty-three hours of labor.
Never been the same down there.

24
00:03:33,838 --> 00:03:35,672
It's a miracle,
the gift of childbirth.

25
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,007
BRIDGET: Here it comes!

26
00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:40,719
Penny Husband-Bosworth's son
sells his sperm on the Internet!

27
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:42,804
You don't even
need a man, Bridget.

28
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:44,264
Some people have
marvelous lives

29
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without them!
I mean, look at you.

30
00:03:45,808 --> 00:03:49,519
A nice flat, a lovely job.
Nice flat!

31
00:03:49,687 --> 00:03:51,980
I'm putting the phone down
now, Mum. (BLOWING KISSES)

32
00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:54,816
MUM: Oh, um...
Say happy birthday to Bridget.

33
00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:55,984
Colin!

34
00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:57,861
Happy birthday to Bridget.

35
00:03:58,529 --> 00:03:59,696
Thank you!

36
00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:02,282
MUM: I love you, darling.
Now don't forget,

37
00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:04,993
I'm counting on you
to head up my media campaign.

38
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:09,039
It's the parish council elections,
Mum. Not the US Primaries.

39
00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:10,332
(SIGHS)

40
00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:13,585
BRIDGET: Annual phone call
from Mum reminding me

41
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:16,338
to take my ovaries
out of retirement.

42
00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:17,923
The truth was that by now,

43
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,384
I thought I would
have had a little baby to love

44
00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:22,678
with the chisel-jawed
love of my life.

45
00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:26,473
But sometimes, life gives you
shallower compensations.

46
00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:28,433
And at least
I was finally down

47
00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:30,519
to my perfect weight.
(WHISTLES)

48
00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:32,854
Buongiorno, Miss Bridget.

49
00:04:33,147 --> 00:04:34,439
(WAITER SPEAKING ITALIAN)

50
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:36,316
BRIDGET: There was life
in the old dog yet.

51
00:04:37,443 --> 00:04:40,112
Hadn't exactly
been put out to grass.

52
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,197
(GASPS) Ding dong.

53
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:45,534
But this year,
all these things

54
00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:47,411
were brought
into sharper focus

55
00:04:47,495 --> 00:04:51,498
by an event I hadn't expected
to attend quite so soon.

56
00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:53,917
(INDISTINCT MURMURING)

57
00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:05,095
Hi.

58
00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:08,890
(CLEARS THROAT)

59
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:12,060
So, how are you feeling?
Are you okay?

60
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,687
Mmm. Yeah.

61
00:05:13,771 --> 00:05:15,605
Just can't believe
he's gone, really.

62
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,503
His death seems to have hit
the Eastern European

63
00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:41,298
teenage modeling community
particularly hard.

64
00:05:41,382 --> 00:05:42,716
(MUFFLED LAUGHTER)

65
00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:46,845
They found the flight
recorder, but still no bodies.

66
00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:51,016
Strangely fitting that he should
have died going down in the bush.

67
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:52,100
(LAUGHS)

68
00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:54,686
Shh.

69
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:57,022
Sorry. Oops.
(CLEARS THROAT)

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00:05:57,106 --> 00:06:00,734
PRIEST: We are gathered
here to celebrate the life

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00:06:00,943 --> 00:06:03,945
of Daniel Vivian Cleaver.

72
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:09,701
Daniel was a kind
and wonderful son.

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00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,162
(WHISPERS) Fuck. What
the fuck is he doing here?

74
00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:14,206
PRIEST: A loving uncle
and brother.

75
00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:17,959
Oh, you know what he's like,
wanting to do the decent thing.

76
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:19,378
Is that his wife?

77
00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:20,462
Mmm.

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00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:24,216
BRIDGET: Did I ever
get over losing Mr. Darcy?

79
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,802
Was he my Mr. Right?

80
00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:28,387
Oh, Christ.

81
00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:33,725
PRIEST: A man of outstanding
charm and charisma.

82
00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:35,227
Just a bit emotional.

83
00:06:35,311 --> 00:06:40,148
PRIEST: I would like to invite
his loved ones up to share

84
00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:43,777
some of their
memories of Daniel.

85
00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:46,822
BRIDGET: Daniel could be
very sensitive.

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00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:50,575
Make you feel like you were
the only woman in the world.

87
00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:52,119
I first met Daniel in Moscow.

88
00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:56,039
He once took me rowing on the
Serpentine and quoted Keats by heart.

89
00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:57,374
He could quote
Keats by heart!

90
00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:00,085
"Where be ye going,
you Devon Maid?

91
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:03,422
"And what have ye
there in the basket?"

92
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:05,090
"And what have ye
there in the basket?

93
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:10,220
"Ye tight little fairy
just fresh from the dairy,

94
00:07:10,346 --> 00:07:12,848
"Will you give me
some cream if I ask it?"

95
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:14,015
(MUFFLED LAUGHTER)

96
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:18,520
He did it to everyone.

97
00:07:19,188 --> 00:07:22,566
Would anybody else
like to say a few words?

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00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:24,276
Say something for his mum.

99
00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:29,197
(WHISPERS)
Get up, go on.

100
00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:31,616
(CLEARS THROAT)

101
00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:39,833
Um...

102
00:07:41,752 --> 00:07:44,087
Daniel was a man

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00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:50,760
who touched many of us
here today, including me.

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00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:53,388
(INDISTINCT MURMURING
AND LAUGHTER)

105
00:07:54,765 --> 00:07:55,807
Oh, dear.

106
00:07:56,976 --> 00:08:00,103
This is when Daniel would say,
"Shut up, Jones. "

107
00:08:00,271 --> 00:08:04,733
And he would be right because
all I really need to say is, um,

108
00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:09,613
dear Daniel,
I will miss you terribly.

109
00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:11,740
We all will.

110
00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:18,955
JUDE: Give you a call?
BRIDGET: Yes, very good.

111
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,457
Bye, Bridget.
Bye. Bye.

112
00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:22,000
Oh!
Bridget.

113
00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:23,084
Mark!

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00:08:23,794 --> 00:08:24,836
This is Camilla.

115
00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:25,962
Hello.

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00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:27,923
Bridget. An old friend.

117
00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:31,426
Well, less old, more
childhood! (CHUCKLES)

118
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:36,389
So, nice memorial,

119
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:38,099
as memorials go.

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Almost makes one look forward
to one's own.

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00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:43,271
(CHUCKLES)

122
00:08:44,273 --> 00:08:45,649
Yes, well...

123
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Goodbye.

124
00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:49,444
Goodbye!

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00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:56,159
BRIDGET: Maybe that's the reason
Mark Darcy and I never made it.

126
00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:58,870
I always felt like a
verbally incontinent old maid

127
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,539
even when we were together.

128
00:09:01,123 --> 00:09:03,833
Still, I wasn't going to
dwell on the negatives.

129
00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:07,128
At least no one at work knew
it was my birthday.

130
00:09:07,296 --> 00:09:09,548
Or, indeed,
how old I was going to be.

131
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:12,092
ALL: Surprise!

132
00:09:12,176 --> 00:09:13,677
(ALL CHEERING)

133
00:09:13,761 --> 00:09:15,470
WOMAN: Happy birthday, Bridget! Gosh!

134
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:17,472
BRIDGET: Or so I thought.

135
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:20,141
Who told you?

136
00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:22,477
It's so hot. So many candles!

137
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:27,232
(ALL SINGING)
Happy 43rd birthday to you

138
00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:30,527
Happy 43rd birthday to you

139
00:09:31,153 --> 00:09:33,321
BRIDGET: Isn't there some sort
of statute of limitations

140
00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:35,574
about the number of
sodding candles on a cake

141
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:37,409
once you get to a certain age?

142
00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:40,495
Josh, I need you
to see what Reuters

143
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,706
is saying about
the attacks on Ramallah.

144
00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:44,583
We might need a live link.

145
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:47,168
BRIDGET: I may have been another
year older and still single,

146
00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:49,170
but I could
always take consolation

147
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,172
in my job as
top news producer.

148
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:54,384
So, how will I be
changing the world today?

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00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:57,387
Well, our main feature
is the exclusive interview

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00:09:57,555 --> 00:10:00,515
with the Foreign
Secretary about NGochi.

151
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:02,183
OMG. How did you do that?

152
00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:04,144
NGochi.
NGochi.

153
00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:05,353
You're good at that!
I know.

154
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:06,855
I've been practicing. NGochi.

155
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:08,023
NGochi.

156
00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:09,232
NGochi.
NGochi.

157
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:10,734
(CLICKING TONGUE)

158
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:13,278
NGochi? It's harder
than you think! NGochi.

159
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,739
BRIDGET: Plus, have great new
30-something work colleagues

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00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:18,241
who are not obsessed
with children and marriage.

161
00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:20,410
How do we plan on
celebrating tonight?

162
00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:22,370
Well, night out
with the gang.

163
00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,205
Please say that
involves group sex.

164
00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:25,540
Gang bangs?

165
00:10:25,666 --> 00:10:26,958
Ooh. We like to do that.

166
00:10:27,084 --> 00:10:29,294
I know a smashing little club
round the back of Berwick Street.

167
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,879
BRIDGET: Chance
would be a fine thing.

168
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:34,215
I'm beginning to think I've
passed my sexual sell-by date.

169
00:10:34,383 --> 00:10:37,385
No! There are names for
women like you now, Bridge.

170
00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:39,429
You're a cougar.
You are a MILF.

171
00:10:39,513 --> 00:10:41,556
I'm not a MILF.
I'm not even a mum.

172
00:10:41,682 --> 00:10:45,101
I'm a spinster. I'm a SPILF. (LAUGHS)

173
00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:46,478
Three minutes
till we're on air.

174
00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:49,314
It's called Voyeurz,
with a 'Z'.

175
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:50,899
You tell them
that Cathy sent you.

176
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:52,901
And if you go on a Thursday,
there's a Chinese buffet,

177
00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:54,778
all you can eat, as it were.

178
00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:58,239
BRIDGET: But whose advice was,
nevertheless,

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00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:00,075
sometimes a tad
too modern for me.

180
00:11:01,285 --> 00:11:03,662
It's me. Checking talkback.
MIRANDA: Yep.

181
00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:05,455
You didn't freeze your eggs
by any chance, did you?

182
00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:08,833
No. I imagine
they're hard-boiled by now.

183
00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:10,919
You know what, Bridge?
This weekend,

184
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:14,589
you and me need to go out and
get stuck into some serious...

185
00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:18,426
(BELL TOLLS) Binge drinking,
a dangerous scourge on society.

186
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,178
Is new legislation needed?

187
00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:24,849
Bridget, Miranda. I've told you,
don't talk between the bongs.

188
00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:27,769
Stick to the questions
on the cue cards.

189
00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:28,853
DIRECTOR: Miranda, cue.
(BELL TOLLS)

190
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:31,439
The Foreign Secretary
will be live in the studio

191
00:11:31,607 --> 00:11:34,275
to talk about the looming
crisis in Muribundi.

192
00:11:35,069 --> 00:11:37,278
You could always try
online dating again.

193
00:11:37,446 --> 00:11:39,948
The other night I was on
Tinder. Half an hour later,

194
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:41,658
I'm having a three-way with...
DIRECTOR: Miranda, cue!

195
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:45,453
Prince Andrew, the Royal Special
Representative for Trade and Investment...

196
00:11:45,621 --> 00:11:46,830
You did that on purpose.

197
00:11:46,914 --> 00:11:49,249
...has just written his
first children's book.

198
00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:51,000
He had a massive cock.

199
00:11:51,168 --> 00:11:52,168
(CHUCKLES)

200
00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:56,256
Live in the studio, I'm joined by
Foreign Secretary, George Wilkins,

201
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:59,134
who has just returned
from war-ravaged Muribundi...

202
00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:00,844
Miranda, I'm in your ear.
Just follow my lead.

203
00:12:01,011 --> 00:12:04,139
...where the assassination of
bloody dictator, Charles NGochi,

204
00:12:04,306 --> 00:12:06,558
has resulted in civil war.
One take.

205
00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:07,684
Come back to four. Four.

206
00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:09,310
MIRANDA: Minister,
was this a military coup?

207
00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:11,646
Well, the signs are that
NGochi's own generals

208
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:12,731
did take him out in
a rather bloody way.

209
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,315
(WHISPERS)
Hi, Tom. Can't talk.

210
00:12:14,483 --> 00:12:15,692
TOM: How was
Daniel's memorial?

211
00:12:16,193 --> 00:12:19,404
It's just sad. I can't
believe he's gone, actually.

212
00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:21,781
It's just sad. I can't
believe he's gone actually.

213
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,616
Uh...

214
00:12:24,660 --> 00:12:27,495
I don't think there was any
particular sadness in his passing.

215
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:30,915
His persecution of the Unbutu
people amounted to genocide.

216
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,834
That is well documented.

217
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:34,169
I know he had his faults.

218
00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:35,378
Well, I know he
had his faults.

219
00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:37,255
He could be
a massive arsehole.

220
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,549
He could be
a massive arsehole.

221
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,510
But I miss him. We all do.

222
00:12:42,678 --> 00:12:44,888
But I miss him. We all do.

223
00:12:46,223 --> 00:12:48,933
WILKINS: Well, he was certainly
a very colorful character

224
00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:50,393
on the world stage, Miranda.

225
00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:51,686
I grant you that.

226
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,229
But I think
the genocide resulting in

227
00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:55,190
the deaths of over
10,000 of his own people,

228
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:56,357
men, women and children,

229
00:12:56,525 --> 00:12:58,568
probably did rather put him
on the wrong side of history.

230
00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:00,737
At least he was never boring.

231
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,697
Well, at least
he was never boring.

232
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:05,200
DIRECTOR: One, two
and three. Clear.

233
00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:07,619
Do you think
a spirit of democracy

234
00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:09,621
can carry over
into West Africa

235
00:13:09,705 --> 00:13:11,289
now NGochi's dead?

236
00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:13,875
Do you think, Minister,
that the spirit of democracy

237
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:17,253
can carry over into West
Africa now that NGochi is dead?

238
00:13:17,421 --> 00:13:19,589
Now that is an interesting
question. Finally.

239
00:13:19,715 --> 00:13:21,633
WOMAN: Running out of time here.
DIRECTOR: Miranda, wrap it up!

240
00:13:21,717 --> 00:13:22,717
Briefly, please, Minister.

241
00:13:22,885 --> 00:13:24,803
It is a complicated issue.
Yes or a no?

242
00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:26,888
Miranda,
make it the last answer.

243
00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:28,223
Let's hope so.

244
00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:30,642
I'll take that. Thank you for
joining us on the sofa today.

245
00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:32,101
DIRECTOR: Stand by. Toby
on one. Over to you, Toby.

246
00:13:32,269 --> 00:13:35,271
TOBY: And now, what if a man
was to experience labor?

247
00:13:35,439 --> 00:13:37,440
Well, thank you,
Miranda, Bridget.

248
00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:39,317
You couldn't just
behave yourselves

249
00:13:39,401 --> 00:13:40,568
when the new
management team were here?

250
00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:42,320
They're the new
management team?

251
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:45,573
That is Alice Peabody,
new Brand Manager.

252
00:13:45,741 --> 00:13:48,785
Apparently, Hard News is too
old-fashioned, too serious,

253
00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:50,954
and she is
the smiling assassin

254
00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:53,081
brought in to sack
anybody older than her.

255
00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:55,124
Everybody's older
than her.

256
00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:58,002
I've got tins of soup in
my cupboard older than her.

257
00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,754
Look at them all.

258
00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:03,758
With their apps,
and their ironic beards.

259
00:14:03,884 --> 00:14:05,760
Maybe one of them
could give Bridget some sex.

260
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:06,845
What?

261
00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:08,012
Does Brid... Do you need sex?

262
00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:09,681
No!
Yes!

263
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:12,016
Which is why I'm taking her
on a girls' weekend

264
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:14,185
to beat all girls' weekends.

265
00:14:14,436 --> 00:14:15,478
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

266
00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:18,106
Bridget, isn't it?

267
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:19,357
Yes. Nice to meet...

268
00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:23,319
Team meeting tomorrow morning.
We can do introductions then.

269
00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:31,703
(BRIDGET YAWNS)
9:00 a. m.

270
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,956
We should all start
an hour earlier from now on.

271
00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:38,459
You think she saw that?

272
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:40,670
Uh, quite possibly not.

273
00:14:40,796 --> 00:14:43,506
And you're sure you don't wanna
come out with me and my crew?

274
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:44,591
Mmm-hmm.

275
00:14:44,675 --> 00:14:46,968
Thanks, but can't
let the old gang down.

276
00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:50,221
They're stay-at-home mums now.
They'd be disappointed.

277
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:51,472
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
Ooh.

278
00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:53,016
(CELLPHONE CHIMES)

279
00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:58,313
(CELLPHONE CHIMES)

280
00:14:58,397 --> 00:14:59,397
Hmm.

281
00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:01,524
(CELLPHONE CHIMES)

282
00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:02,942
Huh.

283
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:06,154
Thank God for the gays!

284
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:07,739
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

285
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:12,869
TOM: Now whatever fears you're
bringing in the room with you today,

286
00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:14,746
I want you to
take those fears

287
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:17,415
and I want you to tell them
to fuck the fuck off!

288
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:19,000
(ALL CHEER)
TOM: Yeah!

289
00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:23,004
Are you ready for this? Are you
ready for this? (ALL CHEERING)

290
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:27,342
Then ride, you sexy bitches.
Ride!

291
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,178
Ride!

292
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,097
Look, I'm so sorry, Bridget,

293
00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:35,308
but I'm actually gonna
have to blow you out, too.

294
00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:36,643
Oh!

295
00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:39,187
I didn't wanna have
to tell you this today,

296
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,356
but Eduardo and
I are adopting.

297
00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:43,608
"Adopting"?

298
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:45,485
What, a baby?

299
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:47,487
Yes. A baby. (CHUCKLES)

300
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,906
Or gayby, in our case.

301
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,867
That's fantastic news!

302
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:53,993
Tom!

303
00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:55,119
Yeah.
I'm going to Bogotá tomorrow

304
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:56,746
to start the paperwork,
so I've gotta go and pack.

305
00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:58,539
Wonderful! Go!

306
00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:01,042
Happy birthday. Have fun.
(KISSES)

307
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:02,293
Congratulations!

308
00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:03,378
Thanks, darling. Bye.

309
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,006
BRIDGET: Fucking excellent.

310
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:11,386
And that was how
I wound up back here again.

311
00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:14,555
The last barren
husk in London.

312
00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,641
And of the two
loves of my life,

313
00:16:16,725 --> 00:16:20,228
one is married,
and the other is dead.

314
00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:24,983
Right.
New birthday resolutions.

315
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:27,735
I, Bridget Jones, am done
with affairs of the heart

316
00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:31,906
and dedicating my autumn years
to the pursuit of hedonism.

317
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:35,076
Will hang only with new,
free-spirited friends like Miranda.

318
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:36,995
And when the going gets tough,

319
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:39,998
the tough go on
a luxury spa weekend!

320
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,459
What the fuck?

321
00:16:43,585 --> 00:16:44,585
(LAUGHING)

322
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:46,421
MIRANDA: Love the shoes.

323
00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:47,964
(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)

324
00:17:00,936 --> 00:17:03,771
MIRANDA: I didn't tell you
because you wouldn't have come!

325
00:17:03,939 --> 00:17:05,773
Seriously,
it's been five years.

326
00:17:05,899 --> 00:17:07,608
You gotta shake
yourself out of this

327
00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:09,485
self-imposed
purdah you've been in

328
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,739
ever since you split up
with your precious Mark Darcy.

329
00:17:12,906 --> 00:17:14,907
Rubbish.
I barely think of him.

330
00:17:15,075 --> 00:17:17,076
MIRANDA: What you need
is a good shafting.

331
00:17:17,244 --> 00:17:18,703
You need some
good old-fashioned,

332
00:17:18,787 --> 00:17:21,122
lie-back-and-think-of-England
bonking.

333
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:23,916
And festivals are
sexual free-for-alls.

334
00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:26,919
Like Sodom and Gomorrah,
with tofu.

335
00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:29,130
First man you meet,
you gotta sleep with.

336
00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:30,256
First man?

337
00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:31,924
I'm not taking
no for an answer.

338
00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:34,135
I'm gonna find our
backstage passes.

339
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:35,762
You get the maps.

340
00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:36,846
(HUMMING)

341
00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:39,474
(EXHALES)

342
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:41,476
VOLUNTEER 1:
Wanna know where you are?

343
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:42,560
Maps!

344
00:17:42,770 --> 00:17:44,479
BRIDGET: I may be old and
inappropriately dressed,

345
00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:47,398
but at least I look
fucking amazing!

346
00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:48,483
(EXCLAIMS)

347
00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:50,068
(WOMAN GASPS)

348
00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,152
Oh.

349
00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:57,075
That's exactly why
I didn't wear my heels.

350
00:17:58,243 --> 00:17:59,952
BRIDGET: Ding fucking dong!

351
00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:01,412
May I?

352
00:18:02,539 --> 00:18:03,539
Uh...

353
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,000
Ah.

354
00:18:07,669 --> 00:18:09,170
Um... Uh...

355
00:18:10,005 --> 00:18:11,005
(BOTH GRUNT)

356
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,341
(GRUNTS)
Ooh.

357
00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:16,511
(BOTH GRUNTING)

358
00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:19,013
Thank you.

359
00:18:21,391 --> 00:18:22,683
Oh! (CHUCKLES)

360
00:18:22,976 --> 00:18:23,976
JACK: Ah. There you go.

361
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,353
It fits.

362
00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:27,313
(CHUCKLES)

363
00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:28,397
(CHUCKLES)

364
00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:31,192
MIRANDA: Bridget!

365
00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:33,611
Bridget!

366
00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:36,030
Is that your
wicked stepmother?

367
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:37,323
Yes.

368
00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:41,160
I'd better go before she has
me sweeping fireplaces all day.

369
00:18:43,038 --> 00:18:44,705
Thank you.
You're welcome.

370
00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:48,209
BRIDGET: Ah-ha. Birthday
resolution number two.

371
00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:49,961
Must remember
the way to a man's heart

372
00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:51,546
is not through beauty,
sex or love...

373
00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:53,172
It's Jack.

374
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:57,051
BRIDGET:... but merely the ability
to fall arse over tit in the mud.

375
00:18:57,636 --> 00:18:59,053
By the way.

376
00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:01,722
Right.

377
00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:03,182
Which one's ours?

378
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:05,184
Uh, let's try up here.

379
00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:08,729
And anyway, it's not
camping. It's glamping.

380
00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:12,150
BRIDGET: Putting a "GL" in front
of it doesn't make it any better.

381
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:13,568
Calling him Gladolf Hitler

382
00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:17,113
wouldn't suddenly make you
forget all the unpleasantness.

383
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:19,574
(BRIDGET GRUNTING)

384
00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:25,746
Oh. Fuck me!

385
00:19:30,919 --> 00:19:32,336
BOTH: NGochi!

386
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,632
(BRIDGET AND MIRANDA LAUGHING)

387
00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:38,342
BOTH: NGochi!

388
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:43,347
BOTH: NGochi!

389
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,309
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

390
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:50,354
It's 2:30
in the afternoon!

391
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:52,356
I should be hoovering!

392
00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:56,152
(CROWD CHEERING)

393
00:20:08,248 --> 00:20:09,624
This is incredible!

394
00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:11,250
We've got to get a photo!

395
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:13,419
Excuse me?

396
00:20:13,962 --> 00:20:16,380
Do you mind if we ask
you to take a photo of us?

397
00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:18,299
Yeah. Sure.
BRIDGET: Thank you.

398
00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:22,553
All right. You ready?
Hey, what are you doing?

399
00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:25,973
I was taking a photo. I
thought you guys wanted a photo.

400
00:20:26,141 --> 00:20:27,642
Yeah, we do. Of us.

401
00:20:27,768 --> 00:20:28,809
Yes. Terribly sorry,

402
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:31,562
but we thought it would be really
fun to get a photo of us backstage

403
00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:33,314
among all these
glamorous people.

404
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,650
I think that's
the guy from Bargain Hunt.

405
00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:37,610
It would be great if you
could get him in the shot.

406
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:38,986
Quick, quick, quick!

407
00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:40,613
So, you don't want me
in the photo at all?

408
00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:42,823
Oh, God. You can lose
the attitude, babes.

409
00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:44,617
Is it really that difficult?

410
00:20:45,118 --> 00:20:48,162
God. They let any old
riff-raff backstage nowadays.

411
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:50,748
I don't know. I thought
he was kind of cute.

412
00:20:51,291 --> 00:20:52,458
But he looks familiar.

413
00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:56,963
I think he works at
the Starbucks in Balham!

414
00:20:58,715 --> 00:21:00,216
(CROWD CHEERING)

415
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:05,513
Here we go!

416
00:21:05,681 --> 00:21:07,515
One, two, three, sing!

417
00:21:09,142 --> 00:21:10,851
(CROWD SINGING IN UNISON)

418
00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:16,691
Oh, my God!

419
00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:18,901
I know!

420
00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:20,945
It's the guy from Starbucks!

421
00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:22,113
MAN: Crowd-surf!
Whoo!

422
00:21:30,247 --> 00:21:31,372
(BRIDGET LAUGHING)

423
00:21:41,633 --> 00:21:43,134
Miranda!

424
00:21:44,886 --> 00:21:46,262
(SOFTLY) Miranda!

425
00:21:48,223 --> 00:21:49,640
Miranda?

426
00:21:50,892 --> 00:21:51,892
Shit.

427
00:21:53,937 --> 00:21:55,104
Hey, Miranda.

428
00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:58,149
Oh, God!

429
00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:00,026
(EXHALES DEEPLY)

430
00:22:00,527 --> 00:22:03,738
I have to admit that was fun.

431
00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:06,324
And you're right.

432
00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:10,411
What I need is
a good shafting.

433
00:22:11,079 --> 00:22:16,000
Some good old-fashioned
lie-back-and-think-of-England

434
00:22:17,210 --> 00:22:18,419
bonking.

435
00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:20,254
Well, sign me up.

436
00:22:20,756 --> 00:22:23,090
(GASPS) Oh, my God!

437
00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:26,761
What are you doing
in my yurt?

438
00:22:28,263 --> 00:22:32,892
With all your clothes
and luggage and possessions.

439
00:22:33,060 --> 00:22:36,062
Yeah. It's as if I've
come in, made it my own.

440
00:22:36,605 --> 00:22:37,605
Wait, it's you.

441
00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:39,106
The creature from
the Black Lagoon.

442
00:22:39,441 --> 00:22:41,108
Oh. Yes. Sorry.

443
00:22:41,276 --> 00:22:42,777
Well, you don't
really expect me to believe

444
00:22:42,944 --> 00:22:45,112
that you accidentally crashed
into my yurt, do you?

445
00:22:45,447 --> 00:22:46,447
Oh!

446
00:22:46,740 --> 00:22:49,617
Since you're here,
maybe I could help you.

447
00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:54,163
BRIDGET: Well,
he is the first man I met.

448
00:22:54,289 --> 00:22:57,291
And his yurt is one heck
of a lot nicer than mine.

449
00:22:58,293 --> 00:22:59,543
Bridget!

450
00:22:59,711 --> 00:23:02,546
Where the fuck are you?

451
00:23:02,798 --> 00:23:03,881
Bridget!

452
00:23:04,049 --> 00:23:06,801
I'm so pissed!

453
00:23:07,052 --> 00:23:08,886
(SINGING)

454
00:23:52,305 --> 00:23:53,389
MIRANDA: Bridget!

455
00:23:54,808 --> 00:23:58,602
I'm zorbing with Ed Sheeran!

456
00:23:59,312 --> 00:24:00,521
(WHOOPING)

457
00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:04,024
(SHRIEKS AND LAUGHS)

458
00:24:23,837 --> 00:24:27,131
BRIDGET: Oh, God! I've just
slept with a complete stranger!

459
00:24:27,841 --> 00:24:30,301
I'm nothing but
a feckless prostitute.

460
00:24:31,386 --> 00:24:33,512
No, no.
I'm an elegant older woman

461
00:24:33,597 --> 00:24:35,681
taking men for
my own pleasure.

462
00:24:35,891 --> 00:24:38,225
Or am I just a deluded,
middle-aged fool?

463
00:24:46,568 --> 00:24:47,860
Fuck it!

464
00:24:49,571 --> 00:24:50,738
Miranda.

465
00:24:52,407 --> 00:24:53,824
Good morning.

466
00:24:55,869 --> 00:24:58,204
SHAZZER:
So, it lasted six hours?

467
00:24:58,371 --> 00:25:00,581
What lasted
six hours, Mum?

468
00:25:01,750 --> 00:25:04,877
Um, a puppet show that
Auntie Bridge went to.

469
00:25:05,754 --> 00:25:07,838
Six-hour puppet show?

470
00:25:07,923 --> 00:25:08,923
Hello.

471
00:25:09,007 --> 00:25:11,759
So, tell me, were
they little puppets or...

472
00:25:11,843 --> 00:25:13,802
Very nice-sized puppets.

473
00:25:16,056 --> 00:25:19,934
And did he put
his puppet in your mouth?

474
00:25:23,021 --> 00:25:26,565
God! I feel like my days of
puppet shows are behind me. (SIGHS)

475
00:25:30,195 --> 00:25:31,779
I've had finger puppets.

476
00:25:32,030 --> 00:25:33,322
(LAUGHS)

477
00:25:34,866 --> 00:25:36,116
And has he called?

478
00:25:36,284 --> 00:25:38,369
Well, it doesn't
work like that anymore.

479
00:25:38,537 --> 00:25:41,956
You just hook up with rugged
troubadours at music festivals

480
00:25:42,123 --> 00:25:43,624
and there are no strings.

481
00:25:44,209 --> 00:25:45,918
Puppets with no strings.

482
00:25:46,002 --> 00:25:47,294
(LAUGHING)

483
00:25:47,462 --> 00:25:49,380
Take the wings off. They're
for little girls. Come on.

484
00:25:49,548 --> 00:25:51,632
BRIDGET: Hello?
Where the fuck are you?

485
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:53,384
Speeding through
lovely countryside

486
00:25:53,468 --> 00:25:55,719
on our way to your
christening. (CARS HONKING)

487
00:25:55,804 --> 00:25:58,264
No, we're not.
Why is Auntie Bridget lying?

488
00:25:58,348 --> 00:25:59,348
Shh.
Shh.

489
00:25:59,766 --> 00:26:02,351
Bridge, I thought you should
know after Tom dropped out,

490
00:26:02,435 --> 00:26:04,103
Giles asked Mark
to be the godfather.

491
00:26:04,271 --> 00:26:05,980
What?
He did what?

492
00:26:06,147 --> 00:26:07,815
Yes, I know.
He really is a useless cock.

493
00:26:07,983 --> 00:26:09,775
Did it without asking me.

494
00:26:09,859 --> 00:26:11,360
(HORNS HONKING)

495
00:26:11,444 --> 00:26:12,653
BRIDGET: Oh, my God!

496
00:26:12,821 --> 00:26:14,780
Mark Darcy again.

497
00:26:15,282 --> 00:26:19,618
Twice in the space of a week, I
turn up at church as rent-a-spinster.

498
00:26:23,415 --> 00:26:26,083
Where the fuck were you?
(PEOPLE GASP)

499
00:26:31,172 --> 00:26:33,674
Sorry. Sorry.

500
00:26:34,843 --> 00:26:35,968
Sorry.

501
00:26:37,887 --> 00:26:40,097
PRIEST: Good morning,
and welcome.

502
00:26:40,181 --> 00:26:42,224
BRIDGET: Well, this isn't
embarrassing at all.

503
00:26:42,309 --> 00:26:45,019
Mark Darcy and I at
the altar with a baby.

504
00:26:46,021 --> 00:26:47,313
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
PHOTOGRAPHER: That's lovely.

505
00:26:47,397 --> 00:26:49,356
Okay, now. Nice big smiles.
Looking at me.

506
00:26:49,524 --> 00:26:51,692
Thank you. Lovely!
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

507
00:26:51,985 --> 00:26:54,486
Okay. Can I just get the
godparents now, please?

508
00:26:55,864 --> 00:26:56,864
So, how are you?

509
00:26:57,282 --> 00:26:59,033
Very well, thank you.
How are you?

510
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:00,659
Well. Thank you.
Mmm.

511
00:27:01,286 --> 00:27:04,788
Are you here with your wife?
I can't remember her name.

512
00:27:04,873 --> 00:27:08,542
Camilla. No, she, uh... No,
she couldn't make it. Ah. Mmm.

513
00:27:08,793 --> 00:27:09,793
You with anyone?

514
00:27:09,878 --> 00:27:12,212
No, no. Not today. No.

515
00:27:12,547 --> 00:27:14,173
Come on. It's not a funeral.
(CHUCKLES)

516
00:27:14,883 --> 00:27:16,634
Can I get a couple of smiles
out of you two, please?

517
00:27:16,801 --> 00:27:18,802
Maybe give her a little kiss?
You know, on the forehead there.

518
00:27:21,389 --> 00:27:22,890
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

519
00:27:22,974 --> 00:27:24,308
Uh... I was talking
about the baby.

520
00:27:29,564 --> 00:27:31,065
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
Lovely!

521
00:27:31,483 --> 00:27:32,816
All right.

522
00:27:32,901 --> 00:27:33,859
I'll see you later,
I shouldn't wonder.

523
00:27:33,943 --> 00:27:34,943
BRIDGET: Yeah.

524
00:27:35,070 --> 00:27:37,404
Unless I make a break
for it with this thing.

525
00:27:38,198 --> 00:27:41,116
BRIDGET: Could this day
actually get any more awkward?

526
00:27:41,743 --> 00:27:45,245
Just keep walking, keep walking,
keep walking, keep walking!

527
00:27:45,580 --> 00:27:46,580
(SIGHS)

528
00:27:49,751 --> 00:27:51,251
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

529
00:27:56,257 --> 00:27:57,257
Hello.

530
00:27:57,384 --> 00:27:58,384
Hello.

531
00:27:59,094 --> 00:28:00,219
How are you?

532
00:28:00,595 --> 00:28:02,221
Very well, thanks.
How are you?

533
00:28:02,389 --> 00:28:03,555
I'm fine.

534
00:28:03,723 --> 00:28:05,265
So am I.

535
00:28:06,768 --> 00:28:08,060
Well, goodbye.

536
00:28:08,228 --> 00:28:09,687
Goodbye.

537
00:28:10,188 --> 00:28:11,855
A glass of wine.
A whiskey, please.

538
00:28:12,107 --> 00:28:13,607
Big. Big glass.
Double.

539
00:28:13,775 --> 00:28:14,858
Thank you.

540
00:28:19,322 --> 00:28:20,864
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

541
00:28:20,949 --> 00:28:21,949
(LAUGHTER)

542
00:28:22,909 --> 00:28:23,951
(WHOOPING)

543
00:28:25,453 --> 00:28:26,787
(LAUGHTER)

544
00:28:37,132 --> 00:28:38,549
(WHOOPING CONTINUES)

545
00:28:48,935 --> 00:28:51,228
I'd ask you to join me,
but I'm pretty sure

546
00:28:51,312 --> 00:28:54,356
you're not a big
Gangnam Style kind of guy.

547
00:28:54,733 --> 00:28:56,066
I was only there very briefly.

548
00:28:56,151 --> 00:28:57,109
Where?

549
00:28:57,193 --> 00:28:58,485
Gangnam.

550
00:29:00,155 --> 00:29:01,655
What are we talking about?

551
00:29:01,990 --> 00:29:03,574
Gangnam. Dancing.

552
00:29:03,658 --> 00:29:04,658
Ah!

553
00:29:04,909 --> 00:29:06,326
Not the suburb of Seoul.

554
00:29:06,953 --> 00:29:07,995
No.

555
00:29:08,079 --> 00:29:10,372
Not familiar with Gangnam,
the suburb.

556
00:29:10,582 --> 00:29:12,666
It literally means
"South of the Han River. "

557
00:29:14,627 --> 00:29:18,714
It was inhabited as early
as the Paleolithic Period.

558
00:29:18,798 --> 00:29:21,759
Suddenly seems so
much less catchy!

559
00:29:23,178 --> 00:29:24,178
(MIC FEEDBACK)

560
00:29:24,512 --> 00:29:26,346
Now something for
you lovers out there.

561
00:29:26,514 --> 00:29:28,640
We're entering
"the erection section. "

562
00:29:28,808 --> 00:29:30,851
Don't say fucking
"erection" at a christening!

563
00:29:31,060 --> 00:29:32,644
(ROMANTIC SONG PLAYING)

564
00:29:33,188 --> 00:29:34,188
Oh.

565
00:29:37,317 --> 00:29:38,901
Would you like
to get some air?

566
00:29:41,696 --> 00:29:43,697
I mean, some more air.

567
00:29:44,866 --> 00:29:46,325
Sure.

568
00:29:55,835 --> 00:29:57,961
I don't suppose you
happen to have a cigarette?

569
00:29:58,129 --> 00:29:59,129
No.

570
00:29:59,672 --> 00:30:03,008
Gave up
1,891 days ago.

571
00:30:03,384 --> 00:30:05,302
Not that you're counting.

572
00:30:05,470 --> 00:30:07,054
Since when
did you smoke?

573
00:30:07,222 --> 00:30:10,224
I don't.
It's been a tense time.

574
00:30:11,810 --> 00:30:13,477
Maybe I'm nervous.

575
00:30:15,146 --> 00:30:16,230
Why?

576
00:30:18,399 --> 00:30:20,234
You have a train
in your hair.

577
00:30:21,736 --> 00:30:24,488
I'm aware of that.
(CHUCKLES)

578
00:30:24,572 --> 00:30:27,241
Courtesy of one of
my many godchildren.

579
00:30:31,746 --> 00:30:34,581
Seems to be stuck.

580
00:30:35,333 --> 00:30:36,333
(NERVOUS CHUCKLE)

581
00:30:36,417 --> 00:30:37,918
And this would be...

582
00:30:39,087 --> 00:30:40,087
Cake?

583
00:30:40,171 --> 00:30:41,338
Profiterole.

584
00:30:41,506 --> 00:30:44,800
It's technically more of a
dessert than a cake, I suppose.

585
00:30:51,057 --> 00:30:52,850
What are you doing?
You're married.

586
00:30:52,934 --> 00:30:54,101
No, I'm not.

587
00:30:55,603 --> 00:30:58,397
I mean, I am.
I'm getting a divorce.

588
00:30:58,481 --> 00:31:00,357
That's why she's not here.

589
00:31:04,070 --> 00:31:06,363
Weren't you together
at the memorial?

590
00:31:06,906 --> 00:31:09,074
No. She was just
being supportive.

591
00:31:09,367 --> 00:31:12,119
She's gone back to The Hague,
where she's now living and I'm not.

592
00:31:13,788 --> 00:31:15,372
Oh, I'm so sorry, Mark.

593
00:31:15,540 --> 00:31:18,458
Right at this precise moment,
I'm not sorry at all.

594
00:31:32,098 --> 00:31:33,765
(ROMANTIC SONG PLAYS)

595
00:32:34,285 --> 00:32:36,286
How the fuck am I supposed
to get in here?

596
00:32:36,371 --> 00:32:38,497
(BOTH LAUGH)

597
00:32:47,882 --> 00:32:49,174
Again?

598
00:32:49,801 --> 00:32:51,468
Mr. Darcy.

599
00:32:51,552 --> 00:32:52,552
Wow.

600
00:32:55,682 --> 00:32:56,765
Bridget.

601
00:32:57,558 --> 00:32:58,558
Mmm-hmm?

602
00:33:00,395 --> 00:33:02,187
God, I've missed you.

603
00:33:04,607 --> 00:33:05,899
(ALARM BEEPING)

604
00:33:08,736 --> 00:33:10,570
Are we on schedule?

605
00:33:11,739 --> 00:33:13,991
I have a flight to
Khartoum tomorrow.

606
00:33:32,927 --> 00:33:34,428
(BIRDS CHIRPING)

607
00:33:51,362 --> 00:33:54,197
BRIDGET: I'm so sorry, Mark.
Had to leave.

608
00:33:54,365 --> 00:33:57,451
Probably sounds pathetic,
but I got scared.

609
00:33:57,618 --> 00:34:00,245
The fact that we went round and
round for the best part of 10 years

610
00:34:00,413 --> 00:34:04,249
without ever making it across
the finish line leads me to think

611
00:34:04,417 --> 00:34:07,419
we did the best thing
by ending it when we did.

612
00:34:09,255 --> 00:34:12,966
Sometimes it feels scary
still being on my own at 43,

613
00:34:13,134 --> 00:34:15,343
but you and I have
been here once before.

614
00:34:18,264 --> 00:34:20,390
We always loved
the fantasy of us,

615
00:34:20,558 --> 00:34:21,975
but the reality,
as we both know,

616
00:34:22,060 --> 00:34:23,560
is quite different.
(CAR HONKING)

617
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:25,520
Ta-da!

618
00:34:31,986 --> 00:34:35,155
We could both come up with 100
reasons why we didn't make it.

619
00:34:35,323 --> 00:34:36,448
But in the end...

620
00:34:36,532 --> 00:34:40,994
I always felt that you were never
there and I was mostly alone.

621
00:34:53,257 --> 00:34:56,134
No, can't go back
and keep making same mistakes.

622
00:34:56,302 --> 00:34:59,513
Must keep moving forward
and make new ones.

623
00:35:00,181 --> 00:35:03,350
And will launch myself
into frenzied keep-fit regime.

624
00:35:03,518 --> 00:35:06,645
Am allowing four weeks
to reduce thigh circumference

625
00:35:06,854 --> 00:35:10,315
in order to squeeze lardy arse
into teenage skinny jeans.

626
00:35:10,817 --> 00:35:13,652
Obviously not meant
for women of a certain age.

627
00:35:15,113 --> 00:35:18,657
BRIDGET: All this bloody cycling
is pointless. I'm putting on weight.

628
00:35:18,825 --> 00:35:20,534
Let's rule out some of the
other options, shall we?

629
00:35:20,701 --> 00:35:22,327
You're not pregnant, are you?

630
00:35:22,870 --> 00:35:24,204
Of course not.

631
00:35:24,664 --> 00:35:26,665
A lady is always prepared.

632
00:35:26,833 --> 00:35:29,334
And I always carry
these in my handbag.

633
00:35:29,502 --> 00:35:32,045
SHAZZER: Oh, God!
You didn't use those?

634
00:35:32,213 --> 00:35:33,839
The vegan condoms?

635
00:35:34,006 --> 00:35:36,049
"Biodegradable and
dolphin-friendly. "

636
00:35:36,217 --> 00:35:39,719
If I'm going to be slutty, it's nice
to think I'm helping the environment.

637
00:35:39,804 --> 00:35:40,804
SHAZZER: Christ.

638
00:35:41,055 --> 00:35:44,057
Bridget, I remember
when you bought those!

639
00:35:44,225 --> 00:35:45,809
That was decades ago!

640
00:35:45,977 --> 00:35:48,353
Sell-by dates
don't mean anything.

641
00:35:49,564 --> 00:35:50,564
Do they?

642
00:35:50,731 --> 00:35:51,982
(TELEPHONES RINGING)

643
00:35:52,066 --> 00:35:53,066
MIRANDA: They were a gift.

644
00:35:53,234 --> 00:35:54,526
Don't ask.

645
00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:57,988
Tumbling rapids,

646
00:35:58,156 --> 00:36:00,407
frothing waterfalls,

647
00:36:00,575 --> 00:36:02,784
a babbling brook!
(IMITATES URINATION)

648
00:36:05,746 --> 00:36:07,581
Oh, come the fuck on, Bridget.

649
00:36:09,917 --> 00:36:10,917
(PEE TRICKLING)

650
00:36:16,591 --> 00:36:18,091
(TOILET FLUSHING)

651
00:36:20,428 --> 00:36:22,429
How long do you
think it takes?

652
00:36:24,765 --> 00:36:27,267
I think that's
a positive result.

653
00:36:28,394 --> 00:36:30,228
(BRIDGET GASPS)

654
00:36:31,522 --> 00:36:32,731
I'll just make sure.

655
00:36:32,899 --> 00:36:34,900
Oh, don't shake it.
You'll hurt the baby!

656
00:36:35,109 --> 00:36:37,360
The baby's not
in the stick, Bridget.

657
00:36:38,863 --> 00:36:42,741
I think this is when
you're meant to jump for joy.

658
00:36:43,701 --> 00:36:44,951
Oh, my God.

659
00:36:45,119 --> 00:36:46,578
Oh, my God.
You're pregnant.

660
00:36:46,746 --> 00:36:48,038
I'm pregnant?

661
00:36:48,206 --> 00:36:49,581
You're pregnant.

662
00:36:50,124 --> 00:36:51,625
I'm pregnant.

663
00:36:51,792 --> 00:36:53,752
You're going
to have a baby.

664
00:36:53,836 --> 00:36:56,463
(CHUCKLING)
I'm going to have a baby.

665
00:37:01,552 --> 00:37:03,053
I'm going to have a baby.

666
00:37:03,221 --> 00:37:04,221
ALICE: Yeah.

667
00:37:08,392 --> 00:37:11,978
If you've got footage of her
punching a horse, I want it.

668
00:37:12,313 --> 00:37:13,980
Bridget,
do you want a baby?

669
00:37:14,148 --> 00:37:16,733
I don't know.
(CHUCKLES)

670
00:37:16,817 --> 00:37:18,652
I mean, I'm 43.

671
00:37:19,528 --> 00:37:22,197
It might be the only
chance I'm going to get.

672
00:37:22,615 --> 00:37:25,533
Look, one broken,
out-of-date condom

673
00:37:25,618 --> 00:37:27,661
I might have
believed was an accident.

674
00:37:28,621 --> 00:37:29,621
But two?

675
00:37:31,540 --> 00:37:32,874
You wanted it.

676
00:37:34,210 --> 00:37:35,710
Maybe I did.

677
00:37:36,087 --> 00:37:37,087
(WINCES)

678
00:37:37,296 --> 00:37:38,296
Ooh.

679
00:37:38,839 --> 00:37:40,340
Can we get a medic, please?

680
00:37:44,845 --> 00:37:48,515
BRIDGET: Oh, my God!
I'm pregnant!

681
00:37:49,350 --> 00:37:50,976
This is it!

682
00:37:51,519 --> 00:37:54,688
More to the point,
whose is it?

683
00:37:55,481 --> 00:37:59,025
This is not how I thought
this moment would be.

684
00:37:59,735 --> 00:38:04,489
Always imagined myself in OK!
magazine with the man of my dreams.

685
00:38:04,907 --> 00:38:07,701
Oh, Christ.
Too many dilemmas to ponder.

686
00:38:07,868 --> 00:38:12,205
Not least of all, who was
that man I shagged in a tent?

687
00:38:13,291 --> 00:38:17,335
DR. RAWLINGS:
And so, your age will be 43?

688
00:38:17,712 --> 00:38:18,712
Mmm.

689
00:38:20,172 --> 00:38:21,172
Huh.

690
00:38:21,382 --> 00:38:27,262
So, um, which of the times
with my wonderful man

691
00:38:27,722 --> 00:38:29,556
do you think
we got pregnant on?

692
00:38:29,849 --> 00:38:31,141
Does it matter?

693
00:38:31,225 --> 00:38:34,978
Well, yes.
It's such a special moment.

694
00:38:35,062 --> 00:38:37,856
We'd like to know which one
it is, so we can treasure it.

695
00:38:38,024 --> 00:38:40,025
Can't you
treasure both of them?

696
00:38:40,109 --> 00:38:41,109
Oh. Yes. We will.

697
00:38:41,277 --> 00:38:42,277
I mean, we do,

698
00:38:42,445 --> 00:38:46,573
but surely one of those dates
is more likely than the other?

699
00:38:47,742 --> 00:38:52,996
Uh, well, actually, day 10, which
was his birthday, is a little early.

700
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:55,915
And day 16, which was the...

701
00:38:56,083 --> 00:38:57,083
Anniversary dinner.

702
00:38:57,251 --> 00:39:00,420
Ah, yes. The osso buco,
I recall, is a little late.

703
00:39:00,588 --> 00:39:04,049
Are you sure there wasn't another
treasurable occasion in between?

704
00:39:04,550 --> 00:39:07,761
Yes, I'm quite sure.
He was away.

705
00:39:09,430 --> 00:39:11,639
So, which of the two
would you go for?

706
00:39:11,807 --> 00:39:13,475
Couldn't say.
They're both equally likely.

707
00:39:13,601 --> 00:39:15,352
It could've been after the
events because as you know

708
00:39:15,436 --> 00:39:17,771
sperm can live for several
days after ejaculation.

709
00:39:18,230 --> 00:39:20,607
Couldn't you just have
a guess for me? No.

710
00:39:20,816 --> 00:39:22,067
What about the first scan?

711
00:39:22,234 --> 00:39:24,444
Would that show
when conception took place?

712
00:39:24,612 --> 00:39:26,905
No. Ring this number
to fix a date.

713
00:39:26,989 --> 00:39:30,742
And do bring along the father if
you can work out which one he is.

714
00:39:32,244 --> 00:39:33,453
Right.

715
00:39:34,413 --> 00:39:35,872
Right. Um...

716
00:39:36,540 --> 00:39:37,624
Just out of interest...

717
00:39:37,958 --> 00:39:38,958
Mmm?

718
00:39:39,460 --> 00:39:43,380
If someone did have an element
of confusion about the father...

719
00:39:43,464 --> 00:39:45,799
Well, you can get a DNA sample
at the amniocentesis.

720
00:39:45,883 --> 00:39:49,677
And I do recommend that
you have the amniocentesis

721
00:39:49,762 --> 00:39:51,846
because there are always more
risks with a geriatric mother.

722
00:39:52,014 --> 00:39:53,014
(LAUGHS)

723
00:39:54,183 --> 00:39:55,475
"Geriatric"?

724
00:39:55,559 --> 00:39:57,310
Mmm.
That's outrageous.

725
00:39:57,478 --> 00:39:58,645
Indeed.

726
00:40:00,189 --> 00:40:02,357
Unless you can sign on
for your child support

727
00:40:02,441 --> 00:40:04,526
and pension at the same time.
(CHUCKLES)

728
00:40:05,945 --> 00:40:07,445
That's hilarious.

729
00:40:08,072 --> 00:40:09,072
(HORN BLARING)

730
00:40:09,615 --> 00:40:12,200
It's called "news"
'cause it should feel new.

731
00:40:12,368 --> 00:40:15,203
Otherwise,
it would be called "olds. "

732
00:40:15,663 --> 00:40:16,663
Sorry.

733
00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:20,041
Last night, top stories.

734
00:40:20,209 --> 00:40:21,334
Earthquake in Asia.

735
00:40:21,502 --> 00:40:22,585
Seen it before.

736
00:40:22,670 --> 00:40:25,171
Car crash on the M5,
blah, blah, blah.

737
00:40:25,339 --> 00:40:26,464
We are making olds.

738
00:40:27,508 --> 00:40:29,300
We need to flip the switch,
mix it up.

739
00:40:29,468 --> 00:40:31,052
I want to NutriBullet
the shit out of the news.

740
00:40:31,220 --> 00:40:33,513
She's on the warpath. Susan
the Floor Manager's gone.

741
00:40:33,681 --> 00:40:35,849
(WHISPERS)
She's six months pregnant.

742
00:40:36,016 --> 00:40:37,684
ALICE: We've got to
grab the attention!

743
00:40:37,852 --> 00:40:39,477
Get the eyes on the screen!

744
00:40:39,645 --> 00:40:44,274
I want to see headlines like "Is
your sofa bed giving you cancer?"

745
00:40:44,900 --> 00:40:47,485
"Is your freezer
giving you Alzheimer's?"

746
00:40:47,695 --> 00:40:49,195
Oh, my God. Are they?

747
00:40:49,363 --> 00:40:51,656
Literally no evidence whatsoever,
but you're missing the point.

748
00:40:51,824 --> 00:40:53,074
You're intrigued, aren't you?

749
00:40:54,326 --> 00:40:58,204
I want to re-launch Hard News
with a clear new objective.

750
00:40:58,372 --> 00:41:01,416
We have a presentation in 12
weeks at the London Media Show,

751
00:41:01,584 --> 00:41:05,587
and I am looking for someone
dynamic, innovative, focused,

752
00:41:06,380 --> 00:41:08,339
to lead the charge.
Any volunteers?

753
00:41:08,716 --> 00:41:11,342
BRIDGET: Whatever happens now,
must hold on to job.

754
00:41:11,510 --> 00:41:14,554
Must prove to fascist boss
that I may be single mother,

755
00:41:14,722 --> 00:41:17,599
but am willing to roll with
the ironic-bearded hipsters.

756
00:41:17,766 --> 00:41:18,850
Anybody at all?

757
00:41:20,394 --> 00:41:21,769
Do you need the loo, Bridget?

758
00:41:23,063 --> 00:41:24,731
No. I want to volunteer.

759
00:41:25,441 --> 00:41:27,567
#Let's do this.

760
00:41:29,236 --> 00:41:30,737
(CELLPHONE RINGING)

761
00:41:36,869 --> 00:41:38,620
MIRANDA: It's me, it's me.
Turn on your TV now.

762
00:41:38,787 --> 00:41:41,039
Look at your TV.
Now! Now! Now!

763
00:41:41,415 --> 00:41:42,749
Turn on Channel 4.

764
00:41:44,084 --> 00:41:45,084
(TV SWITCHES ON)

765
00:41:46,253 --> 00:41:50,089
Bridget, I found him!
He's the dating website guru!

766
00:41:50,257 --> 00:41:52,675
See, you have to
trust the science.

767
00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:54,344
Algorithms don't lie.

768
00:41:54,428 --> 00:41:57,472
You only slept with
a fucking billionaire!

769
00:41:57,556 --> 00:41:58,806
(SCREAMING)

770
00:42:00,476 --> 00:42:02,560
TOM: So, tell us,
Bridget, um,

771
00:42:02,895 --> 00:42:04,562
what was it that
initially attracted you

772
00:42:04,647 --> 00:42:06,272
to the billionaire,
Jack Quant?

773
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:07,941
Was it his face or his body?

774
00:42:08,025 --> 00:42:09,025
Yeah. Well,
I'd do him, obviously.

775
00:42:09,109 --> 00:42:10,068
Big dick?

776
00:42:10,152 --> 00:42:11,819
TOM: If I were you, I
wouldn't tell either of them.

777
00:42:12,321 --> 00:42:14,781
All you need's a DNA sample
from one of them.

778
00:42:14,949 --> 00:42:17,909
And then you can eliminate the
other one from your enquiries.

779
00:42:18,077 --> 00:42:20,078
What would I say to Mark?

780
00:42:20,246 --> 00:42:22,497
"Hello, Mark. I know
I just left you asleep,

781
00:42:22,665 --> 00:42:24,123
"but I don't suppose
you've got any blood,

782
00:42:24,208 --> 00:42:26,459
"sperm, or old fingernails
lying around?"

783
00:42:26,752 --> 00:42:28,545
But how would you even
get in touch with Jack?

784
00:42:29,922 --> 00:42:31,172
Yeah.

785
00:42:31,966 --> 00:42:35,635
He is a bloody mogul.
Can't just ring him up.

786
00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:36,719
(NERVOUS CHUCKLE)

787
00:42:37,096 --> 00:42:38,096
Oh!

788
00:42:38,180 --> 00:42:41,933
BRIDGET: May havejust worked out
how to win favor with new boss

789
00:42:42,101 --> 00:42:44,936
and eliminate one father
from my enquiries.

790
00:42:45,312 --> 00:42:47,355
I have to say, Bridget.

791
00:42:47,523 --> 00:42:49,983
I'm actually excited
about this next guest.

792
00:42:50,150 --> 00:42:52,318
Relevant, relatable,

793
00:42:52,861 --> 00:42:55,154
extremely fuckable. Good work.

794
00:42:55,322 --> 00:42:58,533
BRIDGET:
Welcome to CSI Hard News.

795
00:42:58,701 --> 00:43:00,159
WOMAN: One minute left
on the VT now. Out on Simon.

796
00:43:00,327 --> 00:43:02,328
DIRECTOR: Bring in next five,
stand by. Thank you.

797
00:43:08,043 --> 00:43:09,711
Thank you, my love. If
you could just fuck off,

798
00:43:09,795 --> 00:43:11,379
that would be great.

799
00:43:12,006 --> 00:43:13,339
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

800
00:43:17,011 --> 00:43:19,304
Jack, this is Cathy.
She'll get you ready.

801
00:43:19,471 --> 00:43:20,680
JACK: Hi, Cathy.
CATHY: Jack.

802
00:43:20,848 --> 00:43:22,140
Nice to meet you.
I was just thinking

803
00:43:22,224 --> 00:43:23,725
like a simple
magenta eye-shadow.

804
00:43:23,809 --> 00:43:26,728
Make your eyes pop, and
little bit of rouge, maybe?

805
00:43:27,354 --> 00:43:29,230
Kidding. (LAUGHS)

806
00:43:29,523 --> 00:43:30,481
You're funny.

807
00:43:30,566 --> 00:43:31,566
Yeah, but you do
happen to have

808
00:43:31,650 --> 00:43:33,359
a little stray
gray hair there.

809
00:43:33,569 --> 00:43:35,361
There we are.
Ah! Jesus.

810
00:43:35,529 --> 00:43:36,654
That's it.

811
00:43:36,864 --> 00:43:39,198
Actually, there's a whole gray
patch up there. Shall I just...

812
00:43:39,283 --> 00:43:40,742
Yeah. Let me see.
Let's just get in there.

813
00:43:40,826 --> 00:43:42,118
Yeah, my hair is
full of gray hair.

814
00:43:42,202 --> 00:43:43,244
That's it.
I've sorted it.

815
00:43:43,537 --> 00:43:44,621
Okay.

816
00:43:44,705 --> 00:43:46,122
Jesus Christ.
Okay.

817
00:43:46,206 --> 00:43:48,458
All gone.
Yeah, that's lovely. Oh.

818
00:43:48,917 --> 00:43:51,669
These fingernails
on this silver fox

819
00:43:51,754 --> 00:43:53,463
could do with a bit of a trim,
couldn't they?

820
00:43:54,423 --> 00:43:57,800
These hands haven't experienced
much manual labor, have they?

821
00:43:57,885 --> 00:43:59,218
No. I'm a mathematician.

822
00:43:59,386 --> 00:44:00,720
They're silky soft.

823
00:44:00,929 --> 00:44:02,513
Tell me, Jack.

824
00:44:03,766 --> 00:44:05,975
Do you happen to
like Chinese food?

825
00:44:07,436 --> 00:44:09,103
(GASPS)
Jack. Let me take you to set.

826
00:44:09,271 --> 00:44:10,271
Great. Thank you.

827
00:44:10,439 --> 00:44:12,065
I do, sometimes.
Yes. Thank you.

828
00:44:12,191 --> 00:44:13,858
JACK: I don't think
she put any makeup on me.

829
00:44:13,942 --> 00:44:16,027
RICHARD: It's fine.
You look radiant.

830
00:44:18,572 --> 00:44:22,283
Okay. Coming out of VT in five,
four... And remember the gear shift.

831
00:44:22,451 --> 00:44:23,660
And Miranda, cue.

832
00:44:23,827 --> 00:44:26,371
But now, though,
I'm joined by Jack Quant.

833
00:44:26,538 --> 00:44:28,289
Raised by a single
mother in Baltimore,

834
00:44:28,832 --> 00:44:31,459
he created the matchmaking
website, Qwantify,

835
00:44:31,627 --> 00:44:34,962
and he claims to have
found an algorithm for love.

836
00:44:35,130 --> 00:44:38,383
And he's here today to tell us all
about his number one best-seller

837
00:44:38,801 --> 00:44:39,884
Qwantum Leap.

838
00:44:40,094 --> 00:44:44,180
It is absolutely wonderful
to have you on our sofa today.

839
00:44:44,264 --> 00:44:45,264
Thank you.
It's great to be here.

840
00:44:45,516 --> 00:44:48,226
Now, we'll talk all
about your new book soon.

841
00:44:48,394 --> 00:44:49,394
Obviously.
Yes.

842
00:44:49,561 --> 00:44:51,020
But first,
let's talk about romance.

843
00:44:51,271 --> 00:44:54,023
Qwantify has found true
love for millions. Mmm.

844
00:44:54,316 --> 00:44:56,109
DIRECTOR: Coming to two.
Has it worked for you?

845
00:44:56,276 --> 00:44:58,986
Now if I answer that, can we
go back and talk about the book?

846
00:44:59,154 --> 00:45:00,488
Maybe.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

847
00:45:00,656 --> 00:45:02,865
Can you please try
not to shag him on air.

848
00:45:03,117 --> 00:45:05,076
This is dynamite. Tell
her to flirt with him more.

849
00:45:05,202 --> 00:45:09,372
Some people had their first
crush on Farrah Fawcett.

850
00:45:09,540 --> 00:45:12,166
My first crush
was an algorithm.

851
00:45:12,334 --> 00:45:14,419
And we've lost them! If he carries
on talking about algorithms,

852
00:45:14,503 --> 00:45:16,879
I'm cutting to the VT
of cats who look like Hitler.

853
00:45:16,964 --> 00:45:18,089
DIRECTOR: Back to four.
Love it. Thank you.

854
00:45:18,173 --> 00:45:20,842
He's avoiding the question!
Get him off maths.

855
00:45:20,926 --> 00:45:23,261
Ask him if
he's with someone now.

856
00:45:23,345 --> 00:45:26,806
For someone so
good at matchmaking,

857
00:45:27,391 --> 00:45:30,059
is there a special
someone in your life?

858
00:45:30,227 --> 00:45:32,854
Apart from Lady Mary
on Downton Abbey?

859
00:45:33,021 --> 00:45:34,355
Now, can we go ahead
and talk about the book?

860
00:45:34,523 --> 00:45:35,606
Cue Hitler cats!

861
00:45:35,691 --> 00:45:36,733
Don't be evasive.

862
00:45:36,900 --> 00:45:38,276
Oh, don't be evasive.

863
00:45:38,444 --> 00:45:40,403
Uh, it's apparent
you have everything.

864
00:45:40,487 --> 00:45:42,321
Why have you chosen
to have no family...

865
00:45:42,489 --> 00:45:44,532
Why the decision to
have no family and...

866
00:45:44,616 --> 00:45:45,825
No children?

867
00:45:46,410 --> 00:45:47,660
And no children?

868
00:45:48,203 --> 00:45:49,871
Brilliant.
Zoom in on four.

869
00:45:50,289 --> 00:45:51,289
Go on four.
Love it.

870
00:45:51,832 --> 00:45:53,416
JACK: Look, I love kids.

871
00:45:53,625 --> 00:45:56,252
But I've always found
the idea of being a father

872
00:45:56,336 --> 00:45:57,962
myself kind of petrifying.

873
00:45:58,922 --> 00:46:01,090
Which is why I've been
drawn to algorithms.

874
00:46:01,258 --> 00:46:02,842
Cue Hitler cats!

875
00:46:03,010 --> 00:46:05,678
They're rational,
reliable, predictable.

876
00:46:06,305 --> 00:46:08,306
Everything a kid isn't.

877
00:46:08,724 --> 00:46:09,974
So, can you have children?

878
00:46:10,184 --> 00:46:11,851
And can you have children,
though? I mean...

879
00:46:12,269 --> 00:46:14,270
Are the soldiers working?

880
00:46:14,438 --> 00:46:16,773
Are the soldiers working?

881
00:46:16,899 --> 00:46:17,899
(MOUTHING) What?

882
00:46:19,401 --> 00:46:20,568
Well, I believe so.

883
00:46:21,862 --> 00:46:25,156
The barracks are in
pretty regular use.

884
00:46:25,324 --> 00:46:26,616
Really?
Really?

885
00:46:26,784 --> 00:46:27,825
Yes.

886
00:46:27,910 --> 00:46:30,328
Because for someone with a
supposed algorithm for love...

887
00:46:30,412 --> 00:46:32,663
Isn't it odd that
you've never found it?

888
00:46:32,873 --> 00:46:34,916
Well, I think in
order to find something,

889
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:36,542
you have to be
actively looking for it.

890
00:46:36,627 --> 00:46:38,669
I've just been too busy,
so I haven't.

891
00:46:38,837 --> 00:46:41,255
What about
the Quant family bloodline?

892
00:46:41,423 --> 00:46:42,840
And what about
the Quant family bloodline?

893
00:46:43,008 --> 00:46:45,218
Are there any
skeletons in the closet?

894
00:46:45,302 --> 00:46:46,302
Sexual deviants?

895
00:46:46,428 --> 00:46:48,346
Sexual deviants?

896
00:46:48,514 --> 00:46:51,432
I'm sorry. I don't know where
we're going with all of this,

897
00:46:51,600 --> 00:46:54,644
but I have to tell you, I can
attract the wrong type of women.

898
00:46:54,978 --> 00:46:55,978
(JACK LAUGHS)

899
00:46:56,063 --> 00:46:59,565
That's really great. Thanks
for sharing that with us.

900
00:47:00,651 --> 00:47:01,651
(GASP) Fuck.

901
00:47:01,819 --> 00:47:03,528
Fuck, fuck, fuck.

902
00:47:03,695 --> 00:47:04,779
Bridget, what are you doing?

903
00:47:04,947 --> 00:47:07,532
You wouldn't believe some of
the weirdos that cross my path.

904
00:47:07,699 --> 00:47:08,699
MIRANDA: Really?

905
00:47:08,784 --> 00:47:10,159
RICHARD: Get up!
Fuck, fuck.

906
00:47:10,244 --> 00:47:11,327
ALICE: Can you tell me
what she's doing?

907
00:47:11,829 --> 00:47:13,246
Ask him something
about algorithms.

908
00:47:13,914 --> 00:47:15,414
DIRECTOR: This has to be
the last question. Has to be.

909
00:47:16,166 --> 00:47:18,209
MIRANDA: Lastly, algorithms.

910
00:47:19,878 --> 00:47:22,421
Yes. What first attracted you to them?

911
00:47:22,589 --> 00:47:23,923
The logic, and...
Wonderful.

912
00:47:24,091 --> 00:47:26,676
Jack Quant, thank you
for coming on my sofa.

913
00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:28,511
I hope you've had as
much fun as I have.

914
00:47:28,595 --> 00:47:29,554
Jesus.

915
00:47:29,638 --> 00:47:31,597
That's it from me. Goodbye.

916
00:47:34,017 --> 00:47:35,017
That was great.

917
00:47:35,143 --> 00:47:37,979
You look really familiar,
outside of being on the show.

918
00:47:38,146 --> 00:47:39,188
Are you on Tinder?

919
00:47:39,273 --> 00:47:40,273
What?

920
00:47:40,399 --> 00:47:42,316
Then we won't have met.
No. Okay.

921
00:47:42,609 --> 00:47:43,609
(GATE LOCK BEEPS)

922
00:47:47,739 --> 00:47:49,115
Well, hey!
How about seeing you here.

923
00:47:49,283 --> 00:47:52,243
Hi. (NERVOUS CHUCKLE)
Great to see you.

924
00:47:52,411 --> 00:47:53,452
Great to see you, too.

925
00:47:53,620 --> 00:47:55,955
I was going to come
and find you to say hello,

926
00:47:56,039 --> 00:47:58,916
but you know how live TV
can be so chaotic!

927
00:47:59,001 --> 00:48:00,960
Well, you know there are easier
ways of getting in touch with me

928
00:48:01,044 --> 00:48:04,881
than inviting me on national
TV and asking me about my sperm.

929
00:48:04,965 --> 00:48:07,925
(STAMMERS)
No. That's not what... No.

930
00:48:08,010 --> 00:48:10,344
I would have liked to
have heard from you.

931
00:48:10,804 --> 00:48:14,724
I was disappointed when I came
back that morning and you'd gone.

932
00:48:14,933 --> 00:48:16,183
You were?

933
00:48:16,351 --> 00:48:18,311
We had an amazing night.

934
00:48:19,187 --> 00:48:20,730
And I thought you were great.

935
00:48:20,898 --> 00:48:22,356
At least I did
until I became a clip

936
00:48:22,524 --> 00:48:25,693
of the 50 most embarrassing
chat show moments of all time.

937
00:48:26,987 --> 00:48:30,072
Really sorry about that.
Yes, that, um...

938
00:48:30,157 --> 00:48:31,157
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

939
00:48:31,533 --> 00:48:35,202
I don't know
how to, uh, explain. Um...

940
00:48:41,335 --> 00:48:42,668
I'm pregnant.

941
00:48:44,171 --> 00:48:45,922
Wow. Okay.

942
00:48:48,008 --> 00:48:51,385
That's so much better than
you being mentally unbalanced.

943
00:48:51,553 --> 00:48:54,722
I'm about 12 weeks.

944
00:48:58,101 --> 00:49:00,227
Oh. Right. Wow.

945
00:49:02,606 --> 00:49:04,982
So, you mean
it's the music festival.

946
00:49:05,192 --> 00:49:06,192
Yes.

947
00:49:06,735 --> 00:49:09,028
I know, it's quite a
surprise! (CHUCKLES)

948
00:49:09,905 --> 00:49:10,905
Yes. Um...

949
00:49:11,365 --> 00:49:12,365
But, um...

950
00:49:13,158 --> 00:49:15,242
I'm fine.

951
00:49:15,327 --> 00:49:18,579
And you should know
that I don't... I'm not...

952
00:49:18,664 --> 00:49:20,915
I'm not looking for
anything from you.

953
00:49:21,124 --> 00:49:23,125
Well, except for
a complete DNA check

954
00:49:23,210 --> 00:49:25,211
and review of
my medical records.

955
00:49:25,796 --> 00:49:27,755
Well, the thing is
that I didn't mean

956
00:49:27,839 --> 00:49:30,675
for you to find out
about this yet.

957
00:49:31,093 --> 00:49:35,179
And I'm feeling, um,
a bit foolish right now.

958
00:49:35,347 --> 00:49:39,016
Mortified, actually.
Yes. I'm mortified.

959
00:49:40,811 --> 00:49:44,897
And, um, I'd like to just
retreat gracefully.

960
00:49:45,065 --> 00:49:47,149
FEMALE FAN: Mr. Quant,
will you sign my book?

961
00:49:47,776 --> 00:49:48,776
Um...
Please.

962
00:49:48,902 --> 00:49:50,361
BRIDGET: Oh, God.

963
00:49:50,529 --> 00:49:53,489
I didn't even tell him
he may not be the only daddy.

964
00:49:53,782 --> 00:49:54,991
I love this book.

965
00:49:55,075 --> 00:49:58,369
Hey, Katie Couric!
I need to talk to you!

966
00:49:59,496 --> 00:50:01,998
BRIDGET: What if this DNA
turns out to be Jack's?

967
00:50:02,082 --> 00:50:03,833
Do I want
the father to be Jack?

968
00:50:04,001 --> 00:50:05,710
I don't even know Jack.

969
00:50:06,003 --> 00:50:07,670
And what if it's Mark Darcy's?

970
00:50:07,838 --> 00:50:09,755
Christ.
I'll have to confess to him

971
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:11,674
I've been a whore
with dolphin condoms.

972
00:50:11,758 --> 00:50:12,758
Good.

973
00:50:13,343 --> 00:50:14,552
So, the baby's okay?

974
00:50:14,720 --> 00:50:15,720
Perfect.

975
00:50:16,972 --> 00:50:18,139
See?

976
00:50:18,932 --> 00:50:20,975
(GASPS)
Oh, my God. Is that it?

977
00:50:21,143 --> 00:50:22,435
DR. RAWLINGS: Mmm-hmm.
(BRIDGET GASPS)

978
00:50:27,024 --> 00:50:28,566
And it's all right?

979
00:50:28,775 --> 00:50:31,277
Sound as a bell.
Cooking nicely.

980
00:50:31,987 --> 00:50:33,154
Have a listen.

981
00:50:35,115 --> 00:50:36,824
(HEART BEATING)
(CHUCKLES)

982
00:50:36,908 --> 00:50:37,908
(CHUCKLES)

983
00:50:39,619 --> 00:50:42,872
There you are.
I've recorded that for you.

984
00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:44,123
You can watch
that for a moment.

985
00:50:47,002 --> 00:50:49,420
So glad you've decided
on the amniocentesis.

986
00:50:52,049 --> 00:50:53,883
Hello, you.

987
00:50:55,469 --> 00:50:57,344
Is that your ear or your foot?

988
00:50:58,263 --> 00:51:00,723
You have got very big feet.

989
00:51:02,476 --> 00:51:05,644
Oh, and look at you,
waving already.

990
00:51:05,937 --> 00:51:06,979
Hi.

991
00:51:12,694 --> 00:51:15,321
You're the best thing
I've ever seen.

992
00:51:19,076 --> 00:51:22,328
I promise I'll try my best.

993
00:51:23,288 --> 00:51:27,583
So, you just stay safe
and snug in there

994
00:51:28,502 --> 00:51:31,253
while I try and
sort the mess out here.

995
00:51:31,421 --> 00:51:33,214
And hopefully...

996
00:51:34,633 --> 00:51:36,050
What the fuck is that?

997
00:51:36,676 --> 00:51:38,469
Um, it's the amniocentesis
needle.

998
00:51:38,970 --> 00:51:42,640
We just pop it in, take a little amniotic
fluid, test it for any abnormalities,

999
00:51:42,808 --> 00:51:44,433
and also the DNA sample
that you require.

1000
00:51:44,518 --> 00:51:47,520
Now, there is the slightest
risk of miscarriage.

1001
00:51:47,646 --> 00:51:49,188
So, you'll have to stay
very still indeed because

1002
00:51:49,272 --> 00:51:50,689
we don't want the needle
to come into contact...

1003
00:51:50,774 --> 00:51:53,025
What? No, no.

1004
00:51:53,318 --> 00:51:56,070
I'm not taking that chance.
And it's enormous.

1005
00:51:56,238 --> 00:51:58,030
It'd go straight
through the other side.

1006
00:51:58,573 --> 00:52:01,033
Come on, I'm taking you home.

1007
00:52:04,371 --> 00:52:05,371
(SIGHS)

1008
00:52:05,872 --> 00:52:07,665
Your mother will
be over the moon.

1009
00:52:07,833 --> 00:52:11,544
Will you promise not to
tell her? Just not yet.

1010
00:52:11,711 --> 00:52:13,879
No, no.
Of course. No, no. I promise.

1011
00:52:14,422 --> 00:52:16,006
Really sorry, Dad.

1012
00:52:16,591 --> 00:52:18,509
Not to know
about the father.

1013
00:52:19,136 --> 00:52:20,845
Don't be daft.

1014
00:52:21,012 --> 00:52:23,389
I know dozens of people
who could have been anybody's.

1015
00:52:23,932 --> 00:52:26,100
So, you're not disappointed?

1016
00:52:26,268 --> 00:52:28,686
You don't think
I belong on Jerry Springer?

1017
00:52:28,895 --> 00:52:30,938
Not a bit. I'm thrilled.

1018
00:52:32,190 --> 00:52:34,150
Actually,
I'm not sure if you're mine,

1019
00:52:34,317 --> 00:52:37,903
or that nice Lieutenant
Colonel's who ran the bowls club.

1020
00:52:38,071 --> 00:52:39,071
Hmm.

1021
00:52:39,406 --> 00:52:42,283
Only joking.
You've got my feet.

1022
00:52:42,576 --> 00:52:44,493
I've always had
very dainty feet.

1023
00:52:47,080 --> 00:52:49,123
Just tell the truth,
Bridget.

1024
00:52:49,666 --> 00:52:52,001
Can't go too far wrong
telling the truth.

1025
00:53:03,305 --> 00:53:06,140
BRIDGET: "Mark,
I have some exciting news. "

1026
00:53:06,266 --> 00:53:09,351
"Mark, I have the funniest
story to tell you. "

1027
00:53:09,519 --> 00:53:11,478
"Mark, I'm up the duff. "

1028
00:53:12,189 --> 00:53:14,064
MARK: My Lords, my Ladies.

1029
00:53:14,316 --> 00:53:17,443
There is only one fraud committed
here today and it is this.

1030
00:53:17,611 --> 00:53:22,072
To use the laws of one country to
destroy the freedom of speech of another.

1031
00:53:22,991 --> 00:53:24,783
A cynical political
expedient to take away

1032
00:53:24,868 --> 00:53:26,577
the right of these
brave young women

1033
00:53:26,745 --> 00:53:30,164
to speak the truth
about the country they love.

1034
00:53:30,999 --> 00:53:33,918
Now you may not
like their music.

1035
00:53:34,461 --> 00:53:36,629
And for that,
I cannot blame you.

1036
00:53:36,963 --> 00:53:40,424
They may not have mastered
the fundamentals of melody,

1037
00:53:40,592 --> 00:53:42,801
or even the most basic
tenets of musicianship.

1038
00:53:42,969 --> 00:53:47,681
But this is the land of
Shakespeare, Orwell, Lawrence.

1039
00:53:48,433 --> 00:53:51,185
BRIDGET: Oh. I'd forgotten just
how hot he is in that wig and gown.

1040
00:53:51,353 --> 00:53:52,895
...to any country,

1041
00:53:53,063 --> 00:53:56,232
any ruler, any despot, that
here, in the United Kingdom,

1042
00:53:56,399 --> 00:53:59,360
we will always defend and
protect women such as these

1043
00:53:59,527 --> 00:54:02,529
who have selflessly and
courageously risked their liberty

1044
00:54:02,697 --> 00:54:04,698
and quite possibly their lives

1045
00:54:06,409 --> 00:54:08,077
to tell the truth.

1046
00:54:08,161 --> 00:54:11,038
The court will now adjourn and
judgment will be given in due course.

1047
00:54:11,164 --> 00:54:13,415
Poonani! Poonani!
Power to the Poonani!

1048
00:54:13,500 --> 00:54:14,500
ALL: Poonani!

1049
00:54:14,626 --> 00:54:16,752
Christ. I'm looking
forward to going back

1050
00:54:16,836 --> 00:54:18,545
to some good
old-fashioned genocide.

1051
00:54:19,422 --> 00:54:22,508
MAN: Silence! Silence!

1052
00:54:22,842 --> 00:54:24,009
(WOMEN CONTINUE
"POONANI" CHANT)

1053
00:54:27,472 --> 00:54:29,598
BRIDGET: Right.
How to do this?

1054
00:54:29,766 --> 00:54:31,100
I wasn't expecting
to see you again

1055
00:54:31,184 --> 00:54:32,768
after the events
at the christening.

1056
00:54:32,936 --> 00:54:34,228
BRIDGET: Crap.
He's dived right in.

1057
00:54:34,396 --> 00:54:37,189
No. Right. I understand.

1058
00:54:37,399 --> 00:54:38,899
BRIDGET: Okay.
Maybe flattery will work.

1059
00:54:39,067 --> 00:54:40,776
You were very impressive
in there today.

1060
00:54:40,944 --> 00:54:42,194
Thank you.

1061
00:54:42,988 --> 00:54:44,571
Although dealing with them
over the last month

1062
00:54:44,739 --> 00:54:47,574
has given me a certain amount of
sympathy for the totalitarian dictator

1063
00:54:47,742 --> 00:54:49,368
who wants to silence them.

1064
00:54:50,370 --> 00:54:53,539
BRIDGET: Okay. Jokes.
Will laugh harder next time.

1065
00:54:54,040 --> 00:54:56,542
There's only a certain
number of times one can listen

1066
00:54:57,002 --> 00:55:00,838
to the resolutely un-catchy
Menstruation, Castration, Liberation.

1067
00:55:01,381 --> 00:55:02,464
(BRIDGET LAUGHING)

1068
00:55:02,549 --> 00:55:03,757
Mark.

1069
00:55:03,925 --> 00:55:06,635
That's hilariously funny.

1070
00:55:06,720 --> 00:55:08,012
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)

1071
00:55:13,310 --> 00:55:14,310
Please.

1072
00:55:23,486 --> 00:55:24,486
So...

1073
00:55:25,363 --> 00:55:27,406
So, Mark.
(CHUCKLES)

1074
00:55:27,532 --> 00:55:28,532
Yes.

1075
00:55:31,119 --> 00:55:32,870
The gardens look lovely.

1076
00:55:33,121 --> 00:55:34,121
Autumnal.

1077
00:55:34,372 --> 00:55:35,372
Yes.

1078
00:55:35,498 --> 00:55:37,333
Is that a conker tree?

1079
00:55:37,542 --> 00:55:38,876
Bridget.

1080
00:55:42,380 --> 00:55:43,380
(DEEP BREATH)

1081
00:55:44,382 --> 00:55:45,382
I...

1082
00:55:46,384 --> 00:55:48,302
Am pregnant.

1083
00:55:51,014 --> 00:55:52,014
Right.

1084
00:55:53,266 --> 00:55:55,017
Congratulations.

1085
00:55:56,019 --> 00:55:57,144
How can I help?

1086
00:55:58,938 --> 00:56:00,564
I'm three months pregnant.

1087
00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:04,360
Oh.

1088
00:56:06,029 --> 00:56:07,363
You mean the christening?

1089
00:56:09,657 --> 00:56:10,949
Right.

1090
00:56:14,245 --> 00:56:15,746
Would you excuse me
for just a moment?

1091
00:56:16,623 --> 00:56:17,623
Mmm.

1092
00:56:17,957 --> 00:56:18,957
(MARK CLEARS THROAT)

1093
00:56:20,919 --> 00:56:21,919
(DOOR CLOSES)

1094
00:56:22,629 --> 00:56:23,629
(BELL TOLLING)

1095
00:56:33,348 --> 00:56:34,640
(DOOR OPENS)

1096
00:56:39,062 --> 00:56:40,437
I think that this
is quite possibly

1097
00:56:40,522 --> 00:56:41,939
the most wonderful
piece of information

1098
00:56:42,023 --> 00:56:44,817
I have ever
received in my entire life.

1099
00:56:45,652 --> 00:56:46,652
Oh!

1100
00:56:47,654 --> 00:56:49,279
Okay.

1101
00:56:49,697 --> 00:56:51,073
Of course,
I've got no expectations

1102
00:56:51,157 --> 00:56:52,408
for how things
should work out.

1103
00:56:52,492 --> 00:56:54,743
I just thought
you should know.

1104
00:56:54,869 --> 00:56:55,994
No, of course.

1105
00:56:58,456 --> 00:57:00,457
I mean, how do you feel?
Are you happy?

1106
00:57:00,792 --> 00:57:02,793
Yes, I am.

1107
00:57:03,002 --> 00:57:05,963
But so much has happened
in the past 10 years.

1108
00:57:06,131 --> 00:57:09,341
A lot has changed.
I mean, you've been married,

1109
00:57:09,509 --> 00:57:14,430
and I've been on a number
of long-haul holidays.

1110
00:57:15,014 --> 00:57:16,014
But, um...

1111
00:57:16,349 --> 00:57:17,433
BRIDGET: So here goes on Jack.

1112
00:57:17,517 --> 00:57:19,393
And, I mean...
No, I know that.

1113
00:57:20,603 --> 00:57:22,104
It's just,
right now, I can't quite

1114
00:57:22,188 --> 00:57:23,689
bring myself to
feel gloomy about it.

1115
00:57:37,328 --> 00:57:40,956
BRIDGET: (GROANS)
How can I tell him now?

1116
00:57:45,378 --> 00:57:47,546
State of emergency,
cannot sleep.

1117
00:57:47,714 --> 00:57:49,214
Looping thoughts
going round and round in head.

1118
00:57:49,716 --> 00:57:52,926
It's surely weird that you can do
something as complicated and important

1119
00:57:53,094 --> 00:57:54,636
as growing a baby
or invading Iraq

1120
00:57:54,721 --> 00:57:56,180
without any
instruction at all.

1121
00:57:57,056 --> 00:57:58,682
Keep thinking all the alcohol
I've drunk over the years

1122
00:57:58,766 --> 00:58:01,226
will give the baby
fetal alcohol syndrome.

1123
00:58:01,394 --> 00:58:02,769
These are
the things I could do.

1124
00:58:03,438 --> 00:58:04,730
Tell Mark about Jack,

1125
00:58:04,898 --> 00:58:07,232
but risk hurting him so badly,
I couldn't live with myself.

1126
00:58:07,400 --> 00:58:08,942
Not tell Mark about Jack?

1127
00:58:09,110 --> 00:58:10,611
But I'd never be able
to go through with it.

1128
00:58:10,778 --> 00:58:12,738
Tell both of them
the other one is the father,

1129
00:58:12,906 --> 00:58:15,365
and then if the one who isn't
the father is upset about it...

1130
00:58:15,450 --> 00:58:17,409
(DOOR INTERCOM BUZZING)

1131
00:58:18,203 --> 00:58:21,538
Oh, Christ. Tell no one
and make a run for it.

1132
00:58:22,790 --> 00:58:23,790
Hello?

1133
00:58:23,875 --> 00:58:26,126
JACK: Hey! It's the father
of your child.

1134
00:58:27,128 --> 00:58:28,170
Jack?

1135
00:58:28,254 --> 00:58:29,630
Yeah. Who else?

1136
00:58:30,632 --> 00:58:31,882
Come up.

1137
00:58:32,634 --> 00:58:33,759
Okay.

1138
00:58:33,843 --> 00:58:34,843
(BEEPS)

1139
00:58:37,597 --> 00:58:38,680
BRIDGET: Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.

1140
00:58:38,765 --> 00:58:42,976
He's probably employed a team of
Google Earth detectives to find me.

1141
00:58:43,061 --> 00:58:44,978
Okay. Just act naturally.

1142
00:58:50,777 --> 00:58:51,777
Hi.

1143
00:58:51,861 --> 00:58:52,945
Hi.

1144
00:58:53,446 --> 00:58:54,571
Come in.

1145
00:58:54,739 --> 00:58:55,739
Okay.

1146
00:58:58,785 --> 00:59:00,953
(LAUGHS)
You found it.

1147
00:59:01,120 --> 00:59:02,746
Try it on. See if it fits.

1148
00:59:06,084 --> 00:59:07,084
Wow.

1149
00:59:09,504 --> 00:59:11,421
I didn't expect to see you.

1150
00:59:11,589 --> 00:59:15,634
I wasn't expecting to come.
I'm not used to being rejected.

1151
00:59:16,135 --> 00:59:17,135
Twice.

1152
00:59:19,931 --> 00:59:22,266
I hope you've got
cake in that bag.

1153
00:59:27,897 --> 00:59:29,022
(CHUCKLES)

1154
00:59:29,107 --> 00:59:30,774
I've been doing
a lot of thinking.

1155
00:59:32,777 --> 00:59:35,946
Bridget, this whole baby
situation threw me initially.

1156
00:59:36,114 --> 00:59:38,824
We squashed an entire
relationship into one night

1157
00:59:38,992 --> 00:59:42,202
and skipped straight
to starting-the-family phase.

1158
00:59:42,370 --> 00:59:45,247
We never even had
a real second date.

1159
00:59:45,331 --> 00:59:46,331
(CHUCKLES)

1160
00:59:47,041 --> 00:59:48,166
Just so you know, if we did,

1161
00:59:49,627 --> 00:59:52,129
I would have taken
you to Ottolenghi. Oh.

1162
00:59:52,213 --> 00:59:56,174
You would have had the grilled
salmon and pine-nut salsa.

1163
00:59:56,509 --> 00:59:59,052
Unbelievable and healthy.
Oh.

1164
00:59:59,220 --> 01:00:04,683
And we would have come back
here, had incredible sex,

1165
01:00:04,809 --> 01:00:08,979
spent the next couple days
sending each other filthy texts.

1166
01:00:10,231 --> 01:00:11,231
(MESSAGE TONE)

1167
01:00:11,524 --> 01:00:12,524
(CELLPHONE CHIMES)

1168
01:00:18,823 --> 01:00:19,990
(CELLPHONE CHIMES)
(GASPS)

1169
01:00:20,992 --> 01:00:23,660
I would not have let you
do that on a second date.

1170
01:00:23,828 --> 01:00:26,538
Why not?
You let me on the first.

1171
01:00:26,706 --> 01:00:30,751
And then we'd go on a naughty
weekend to the seaside,

1172
01:00:30,918 --> 01:00:35,339
and I would prove my manliness
by winning you a cuddly toy.

1173
01:00:35,423 --> 01:00:37,382
Aw.
At the pier.

1174
01:00:37,550 --> 01:00:39,259
But I really wanted
the giant Scooby-Doo.

1175
01:00:39,427 --> 01:00:42,220
Oh, nobody wins those.
Coconuts are glued on.

1176
01:00:50,271 --> 01:00:51,480
(GASPS AND LAUGHS)

1177
01:00:51,564 --> 01:00:52,731
What are those for?

1178
01:00:53,107 --> 01:00:54,858
JACK: To apologize.

1179
01:00:55,026 --> 01:00:56,610
We had our first fight.

1180
01:00:57,195 --> 01:00:59,404
I was not flirting
with that waitress.

1181
01:00:59,572 --> 01:01:02,282
She means nothing to me.

1182
01:01:06,954 --> 01:01:07,954
And then,

1183
01:01:09,415 --> 01:01:11,792
I would have bought

1184
01:01:12,585 --> 01:01:14,878
Swedish furniture
for us to make.

1185
01:01:15,171 --> 01:01:16,380
(LAUGHING)

1186
01:01:16,547 --> 01:01:20,217
If we can get through this,
we can get through anything.

1187
01:01:20,301 --> 01:01:22,052
Anything.

1188
01:01:22,720 --> 01:01:24,054
I'd find it
adorable how your neck

1189
01:01:24,138 --> 01:01:25,430
gets all blotchy
when you get nervous.

1190
01:01:26,432 --> 01:01:30,602
And I know you'd be the greatest
possible mother to my child.

1191
01:02:02,677 --> 01:02:03,677
BRIDGET: Oh, no.

1192
01:02:03,845 --> 01:02:06,930
Cannot fall in love
with shiny new American.

1193
01:02:07,098 --> 01:02:09,975
I'll tell them both tomorrow.
Definitely.

1194
01:02:11,853 --> 01:02:12,853
Hi.

1195
01:02:12,937 --> 01:02:14,229
So, I just wanted
to connect

1196
01:02:14,313 --> 01:02:16,273
to check how the
presentation is shaping up.

1197
01:02:16,357 --> 01:02:20,152
Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Totally on top of it.
NutriBullet-ing the shit out of it.

1198
01:02:20,361 --> 01:02:21,987
I'm relying on you, Bridget.

1199
01:02:22,155 --> 01:02:23,697
I need you to get this right.
Do you understand?

1200
01:02:23,865 --> 01:02:26,533
100*%. You can count on me.
(CHUCKLES)

1201
01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:28,201
Great.

1202
01:02:31,205 --> 01:02:32,205
(VOMITS)

1203
01:02:33,124 --> 01:02:34,124
You all right?

1204
01:02:34,459 --> 01:02:35,584
(BRIDGET COUGHING)

1205
01:02:35,668 --> 01:02:37,169
I'm fine.

1206
01:02:37,336 --> 01:02:39,171
Big celebration.

1207
01:02:39,464 --> 01:02:41,381
I so glad to see
you back together, huh?

1208
01:02:41,549 --> 01:02:42,716
Certainly is, Gianni.

1209
01:02:42,884 --> 01:02:44,050
Wonderful news, huh?

1210
01:02:44,135 --> 01:02:45,260
(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

1211
01:02:46,012 --> 01:02:47,554
I was thinking about "Jack. "

1212
01:02:48,139 --> 01:02:49,139
Huh?

1213
01:02:49,348 --> 01:02:51,183
If it's a boy,
after my grandfather.

1214
01:02:51,350 --> 01:02:54,311
It's a good strong name.
You can rely on a Jack.

1215
01:02:54,645 --> 01:02:56,730
Yes. One for the list.

1216
01:02:56,898 --> 01:02:58,231
To Jack.
To Jack!

1217
01:02:59,984 --> 01:03:00,984
Oh!

1218
01:03:01,068 --> 01:03:02,527
So, this is Dad, I presume.

1219
01:03:02,695 --> 01:03:03,862
So glad you could be here.

1220
01:03:04,030 --> 01:03:06,531
This is a unique
and wonderful moment.

1221
01:03:06,699 --> 01:03:07,699
Dr. Rawlings,

1222
01:03:07,825 --> 01:03:11,286
I wonder if you could
maybe do me a little favor?

1223
01:03:11,370 --> 01:03:12,370
Mmm.

1224
01:03:13,080 --> 01:03:15,373
So, this is Dad, I presume.

1225
01:03:15,541 --> 01:03:18,043
Pleased to meet you.
I'm so glad you could be here.

1226
01:03:18,211 --> 01:03:22,714
This is a unique
and wonderful moment.

1227
01:03:23,174 --> 01:03:25,842
Before we start, would
you like to know the sex?

1228
01:03:26,010 --> 01:03:27,177
Maybe we should be prepared.

1229
01:03:27,386 --> 01:03:29,054
You know, I'm not sure.
It's a boy.

1230
01:03:29,222 --> 01:03:30,305
Oh.
A boy!

1231
01:03:30,389 --> 01:03:31,515
A boy!
A boy!

1232
01:03:31,891 --> 01:03:33,141
A boy.
A boy!

1233
01:03:33,226 --> 01:03:34,226
MARK: Aw.
BRIDGET: Aw.

1234
01:03:34,894 --> 01:03:36,478
My boy.

1235
01:03:38,940 --> 01:03:40,065
BRIDGET: Okay. Right.

1236
01:03:40,233 --> 01:03:43,151
This time, I have to tell
them. Will start with Jack.

1237
01:03:43,569 --> 01:03:45,487
Have invited him to big
scary work presentation.

1238
01:03:45,571 --> 01:03:48,031
And will explain
all afterwards.

1239
01:03:51,035 --> 01:03:52,369
Welcome.

1240
01:03:52,453 --> 01:03:55,956
In a digital age where
every cell phone is a camera,

1241
01:03:56,040 --> 01:03:57,791
we are all broadcasters.

1242
01:03:58,209 --> 01:04:00,877
Hard News is partnering
with the London Media Show

1243
01:04:01,045 --> 01:04:04,130
so that you will be able
to use your smartphones

1244
01:04:04,298 --> 01:04:06,883
to create your own
news broadcasting channels!

1245
01:04:07,426 --> 01:04:10,262
Simply download
the new Hard News app

1246
01:04:10,429 --> 01:04:12,722
and broadcast
directly to our studios

1247
01:04:12,890 --> 01:04:18,061
where Miranda is waiting for
our first ever live simulcast.

1248
01:04:18,229 --> 01:04:22,274
And hello, everyone,
live at the London Media Show,

1249
01:04:22,441 --> 01:04:27,112
and welcome to the new look of Hard
News studio. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

1250
01:04:28,114 --> 01:04:29,614
We are now live!

1251
01:04:29,782 --> 01:04:32,784
And yes,
our viewers are broadcasting.

1252
01:04:33,452 --> 01:04:36,288
MIRANDA: Right.
Let's now go to the Grampians

1253
01:04:36,455 --> 01:04:40,333
where Adam Wollaston is leading
a team of Venture Rangers

1254
01:04:40,501 --> 01:04:42,502
to the top of Ben Nevis.

1255
01:04:43,170 --> 01:04:45,422
Hello, Adam Wollaston!

1256
01:04:45,965 --> 01:04:48,133
MEN: (IN UNISON)
Hard News sucks balls!

1257
01:04:48,217 --> 01:04:50,135
(AUDIENCE GASP AND LAUGH)

1258
01:04:51,095 --> 01:04:52,095
Jesus!

1259
01:04:52,263 --> 01:04:56,391
Oh, dear. Well, let's put that
news story firmly behind us.

1260
01:04:56,475 --> 01:04:57,475
(GASPS)

1261
01:05:00,605 --> 01:05:01,563
(SIGHS)

1262
01:05:01,647 --> 01:05:03,273
(CLICKING)
(HEMING AND HAWING)

1263
01:05:04,984 --> 01:05:06,818
Technical glitch.
(CHUCKLES)

1264
01:05:07,236 --> 01:05:08,278
(DEJECTED SIGH)

1265
01:05:10,156 --> 01:05:14,492
Of course, it's never been
easier to email or text the show.

1266
01:05:14,660 --> 01:05:16,703
Just search "Hard News,"

1267
01:05:17,538 --> 01:05:19,998
or simply, "H."

1268
01:05:20,291 --> 01:05:21,291
Because...

1269
01:05:21,500 --> 01:05:22,500
Uh...

1270
01:05:23,127 --> 01:05:25,295
Because...

1271
01:05:25,463 --> 01:05:27,797
Holy fuck!
What's he doing here?

1272
01:05:29,175 --> 01:05:32,510
Because at Hard News,
we believe...

1273
01:05:34,013 --> 01:05:38,016
We believe that we are ready
and on the frontline,

1274
01:05:38,351 --> 01:05:41,645
asking the questions
the world wants answers to.

1275
01:05:41,729 --> 01:05:42,729
(COMPUTER CHIMING)

1276
01:05:42,813 --> 01:05:43,855
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

1277
01:05:44,482 --> 01:05:46,942
(AUDIENCE GASPS AND MURMURS)

1278
01:05:49,362 --> 01:05:50,362
(MOUTHING) Turn around.

1279
01:05:50,696 --> 01:05:52,989
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

1280
01:05:53,699 --> 01:05:54,699
(GASPS)

1281
01:06:01,624 --> 01:06:02,624
Thank you.

1282
01:06:03,376 --> 01:06:06,002
BRIDGET: Okay.
Career down the toilet.

1283
01:06:06,087 --> 01:06:10,423
Both men in the same room.
What could possibly go wrong?

1284
01:06:12,093 --> 01:06:13,093
(SIGHS)

1285
01:06:14,720 --> 01:06:17,097
I hope you don't mind my just
showing up and surprising you.

1286
01:06:17,264 --> 01:06:18,598
No.

1287
01:06:18,683 --> 01:06:20,225
Anyway, well done.
It was very...

1288
01:06:20,434 --> 01:06:21,434
Yes.

1289
01:06:21,519 --> 01:06:22,560
JACK: Hey.
(BRIDGET GASPS, MENTALLY)

1290
01:06:23,187 --> 01:06:24,437
...technically adroit.

1291
01:06:25,272 --> 01:06:28,984
Mark, I would love
for you to meet...

1292
01:06:29,819 --> 01:06:30,819
Uh...

1293
01:06:37,076 --> 01:06:41,413
Ari Yaratra Sitharamthanthan.

1294
01:06:41,580 --> 01:06:47,085
Ariyaranta is the Area Manager
for DTC Technological Solutions.

1295
01:06:47,586 --> 01:06:50,588
Aren't you, Ari Sinatra?

1296
01:06:54,301 --> 01:06:55,802
Hi.
Hello.

1297
01:06:55,886 --> 01:06:56,886
Hey.

1298
01:06:58,931 --> 01:07:00,598
What the hell was that?

1299
01:07:01,058 --> 01:07:02,058
What were you thinking?

1300
01:07:02,309 --> 01:07:05,145
I've got four voice mails from
David Cartwright on my phone

1301
01:07:05,229 --> 01:07:06,896
that I dare not listen to.
I'll be right back.

1302
01:07:07,064 --> 01:07:08,606
You call that
a presentation?

1303
01:07:08,691 --> 01:07:10,066
I don't know if I've got
the right people around me

1304
01:07:10,151 --> 01:07:11,151
because you're not...

1305
01:07:11,235 --> 01:07:13,028
Alice,
I'm so sorry, but...

1306
01:07:13,112 --> 01:07:14,487
ALICE: Sorry doesn't cut it.
Excuse me.

1307
01:07:14,655 --> 01:07:15,822
Look at me when
I'm talking to you.

1308
01:07:15,948 --> 01:07:16,948
Excuse me?

1309
01:07:17,116 --> 01:07:19,075
I'm so sorry,
but I really...

1310
01:07:20,745 --> 01:07:21,786
What?

1311
01:07:22,663 --> 01:07:25,498
Bridget, I'd like you to meet Jack
Quant. He's rather extraordinary.

1312
01:07:25,666 --> 01:07:27,917
I was just reading a profile
of him in The New Yorker.

1313
01:07:28,085 --> 01:07:29,961
Right. Yes.
We actually know each other.

1314
01:07:30,129 --> 01:07:31,463
Yes. We certainly do.

1315
01:07:31,630 --> 01:07:33,590
Good job. Why didn't you
introduce me to this man before?

1316
01:07:33,758 --> 01:07:36,968
He's brilliant. You know, he represents
the punk-rock band that's being extradited.

1317
01:07:37,136 --> 01:07:38,136
That's right.

1318
01:07:38,304 --> 01:07:39,804
Yes, yes. I knew that, too.

1319
01:07:40,431 --> 01:07:42,974
Hi. We met
fleetingly before as well.

1320
01:07:43,142 --> 01:07:46,144
I'm in charge of data
management for most of Daventry.

1321
01:07:46,437 --> 01:07:47,437
Oh. (CHUCKLES)

1322
01:07:47,563 --> 01:07:48,938
Well, um...

1323
01:07:49,523 --> 01:07:52,025
I must say it's fantastic
that you're getting on so well

1324
01:07:52,193 --> 01:07:53,943
because you have
a lot in common.

1325
01:07:54,487 --> 01:07:58,490
Shall we get out of here and
find a place a bit quieter?

1326
01:07:58,657 --> 01:08:00,283
Uh, yes.
Why not? I booked Gianni's.

1327
01:08:00,451 --> 01:08:02,535
Great.
That sounds lovely.

1328
01:08:03,329 --> 01:08:04,329
Oh. Um...

1329
01:08:04,622 --> 01:08:08,500
You might have to sit
this one out, Ari...

1330
01:08:08,667 --> 01:08:09,834
I'm sorry.

1331
01:08:16,008 --> 01:08:18,551
MARK: So, do you actually
believe that mathematics can...

1332
01:08:18,719 --> 01:08:20,303
How did you put it
in your book?

1333
01:08:20,471 --> 01:08:23,181
"Help us analyze behavior
previously invisible to science"?

1334
01:08:23,682 --> 01:08:25,600
Well, my dating
algorithm is to help people

1335
01:08:25,684 --> 01:08:27,685
find love,
not necessarily replace it.

1336
01:08:28,187 --> 01:08:30,188
Oh, no. Is incredible idea.

1337
01:08:30,356 --> 01:08:32,857
Have you ever tried it out?

1338
01:08:34,693 --> 01:08:36,069
You're single, right?

1339
01:08:36,862 --> 01:08:38,363
MARK: Well, I'm...

1340
01:08:38,531 --> 01:08:40,240
Yes, I suppose so.

1341
01:08:41,033 --> 01:08:42,575
And how did you two meet?

1342
01:08:43,160 --> 01:08:44,452
(NERVOUS LAUGHTER)

1343
01:08:44,537 --> 01:08:46,371
Oh. (CHUCKLES)

1344
01:08:47,123 --> 01:08:48,123
Yeah.

1345
01:08:48,207 --> 01:08:49,415
(LAUGHTER)

1346
01:08:49,500 --> 01:08:50,500
BRIDGET: It's, um...

1347
01:08:52,378 --> 01:08:55,713
It's sort of a funny story.
Sort of.

1348
01:08:55,798 --> 01:08:57,048
(LAUGHING)

1349
01:08:59,677 --> 01:09:02,262
You see, um, a few months ago,
on the fourth of the month,

1350
01:09:02,429 --> 01:09:04,722
I met Jack at
a music festival.

1351
01:09:04,849 --> 01:09:05,849
Right.

1352
01:09:06,016 --> 01:09:08,017
And we got on very well.

1353
01:09:08,185 --> 01:09:11,855
And sort of
had, um, relations.

1354
01:09:12,231 --> 01:09:16,192
And the next week, that is to
say, on the 11 th of the month

1355
01:09:16,360 --> 01:09:18,528
at Jude's baby christening
to be exact,

1356
01:09:18,696 --> 01:09:20,905
uh, following the consumption
of quite a lot of alcohol,

1357
01:09:21,073 --> 01:09:24,159
Mark and I, well,
we had similar relations?

1358
01:09:25,911 --> 01:09:28,913
And this is
the funny part, I suppose.

1359
01:09:29,081 --> 01:09:31,457
Owing to these relations,

1360
01:09:31,625 --> 01:09:34,127
uh, the resulting life form
currently residing in my tummy

1361
01:09:34,295 --> 01:09:37,297
could actually,
in fact, be either of yours.

1362
01:09:44,346 --> 01:09:45,346
(CLEARS THROAT)

1363
01:09:46,557 --> 01:09:48,892
BRIDGET: I know I should have
told you both before.

1364
01:09:51,228 --> 01:09:52,937
But I just didn't.

1365
01:09:54,773 --> 01:09:56,274
You both seemed so happy.

1366
01:09:56,901 --> 01:09:58,109
So, correct me if I'm wrong,

1367
01:09:58,194 --> 01:10:00,445
but did you just say that the
baby could be either of ours?

1368
01:10:04,241 --> 01:10:08,703
So, you have no idea which
of us is actually the father?

1369
01:10:10,289 --> 01:10:11,497
(EXHALES)

1370
01:10:12,291 --> 01:10:14,459
I know,
it's all very confusing.

1371
01:10:16,128 --> 01:10:17,170
I'm sorry.

1372
01:10:17,254 --> 01:10:18,254
I'm sorry.

1373
01:10:20,341 --> 01:10:23,635
So, however we choose,
uh, to do this,

1374
01:10:27,473 --> 01:10:29,641
the most important
thing now is this.

1375
01:10:29,808 --> 01:10:31,059
Is this.

1376
01:10:34,480 --> 01:10:36,940
Okay, Bridget, I'm not gonna
pretend this isn't a shock.

1377
01:10:38,984 --> 01:10:42,779
But I want you to know, whatever
the circumstance, you're right.

1378
01:10:43,989 --> 01:10:46,074
The most important
thing is the baby.

1379
01:10:47,326 --> 01:10:49,369
Who knows, this could
be a great adventure.

1380
01:10:50,496 --> 01:10:53,581
I'm afraid you're going to have
to excuse me. I have a meeting.

1381
01:10:55,125 --> 01:10:56,125
Oh. Uh...

1382
01:10:59,171 --> 01:11:00,213
I'm sorry.

1383
01:11:00,381 --> 01:11:01,506
Mark. Um...

1384
01:11:08,514 --> 01:11:10,223
Gianni, can we have
the bill, please?

1385
01:11:10,391 --> 01:11:11,391
(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

1386
01:11:20,276 --> 01:11:21,943
BRIDGET: And if I thought
that was tricky,

1387
01:11:22,027 --> 01:11:23,820
how would
the news go down at Mum's

1388
01:11:23,904 --> 01:11:25,655
parish council
election campaign?

1389
01:11:26,240 --> 01:11:29,200
Honestly, we started half an
hour ago. Where have you been?

1390
01:11:29,368 --> 01:11:30,702
You said it was an emergency?

1391
01:11:30,786 --> 01:11:32,787
Well, The Gazette wants
to take a family portrait.

1392
01:11:32,871 --> 01:11:33,871
What are you wearing?

1393
01:11:36,208 --> 01:11:37,542
Oh, my God.
Bridget, are you...

1394
01:11:37,710 --> 01:11:38,876
Yep. (NERVOUS CHUCKLE)

1395
01:11:39,503 --> 01:11:40,586
Oh!
Yeah.

1396
01:11:41,255 --> 01:11:43,089
Why didn't you say anything?

1397
01:11:44,383 --> 01:11:45,758
Well,
didn't want to upset you.

1398
01:11:45,926 --> 01:11:47,510
Well, why would you?

1399
01:11:48,387 --> 01:11:49,554
Oh, no, Bridget.

1400
01:11:49,722 --> 01:11:50,847
Who's the father?

1401
01:11:51,515 --> 01:11:53,558
It's not Mark, is it?
Oh, do say it is.

1402
01:11:53,726 --> 01:11:55,601
Well, there's
at least a 50*% chance.

1403
01:11:55,769 --> 01:11:57,228
"A 50*% chance"?

1404
01:11:57,396 --> 01:11:59,605
Mark or this really
nice American called Jack.

1405
01:11:59,773 --> 01:12:03,568
No, Bridget. An American?
Did you have a three-way?

1406
01:12:03,694 --> 01:12:04,694
(GASP)

1407
01:12:04,778 --> 01:12:06,029
PHOTOGRAPHER: Mrs. Jones.

1408
01:12:06,322 --> 01:12:07,322
(MUMBLES NERVOUSLY)

1409
01:12:07,948 --> 01:12:11,284
Here, take this and
pretend everything's fine.

1410
01:12:11,410 --> 01:12:12,410
Everything is fine.

1411
01:12:12,745 --> 01:12:14,245
PHOTOGRAPHER:
Mrs. Jones. Can we...

1412
01:12:14,663 --> 01:12:16,748
Look, here's a lovely
place for you to stand.

1413
01:12:20,919 --> 01:12:21,961
Are you ashamed of me?

1414
01:12:22,087 --> 01:12:24,630
No, darling.
It's just the circumstances.

1415
01:12:24,798 --> 01:12:27,717
I'm running for
high office, you see.

1416
01:12:28,385 --> 01:12:30,553
(BRIDGET READING)

1417
01:12:30,637 --> 01:12:31,763
So long.

1418
01:12:32,431 --> 01:12:34,891
It's not the 1950s.

1419
01:12:35,434 --> 01:12:36,559
Look around you.

1420
01:12:36,643 --> 01:12:40,313
Two lesbians have
just adopted at number 32.

1421
01:12:41,106 --> 01:12:42,690
If you don't change
the way you look at things,

1422
01:12:42,775 --> 01:12:44,942
you're going to lose
your precious election,

1423
01:12:45,652 --> 01:12:47,570
and perhaps your daughter.

1424
01:12:50,282 --> 01:12:53,076
Bridget, so lovely
to see you. Are you...

1425
01:12:53,243 --> 01:12:55,244
Yes. I am.
(CHUCKLES)

1426
01:12:55,412 --> 01:12:59,248
How wonderful. We thought
you'd just got all fat again.

1427
01:13:00,876 --> 01:13:01,876
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

1428
01:13:03,003 --> 01:13:05,129
BRIDGET: I'm now the Mary
Magdalene of Middle England.

1429
01:13:05,422 --> 01:13:07,799
Have alienated
Mum and Mark Darcy.

1430
01:13:08,092 --> 01:13:09,801
Am like tropical female insect

1431
01:13:09,968 --> 01:13:12,095
that shags men to impregnate
self, then eats them.

1432
01:13:12,471 --> 01:13:13,554
The question is,

1433
01:13:13,639 --> 01:13:16,974
will Mark even turn up and
engage in our polyamorous family?

1434
01:13:24,983 --> 01:13:25,983
Hey!

1435
01:13:26,068 --> 01:13:27,068
Hello!

1436
01:13:27,861 --> 01:13:29,320
First prenatal class.

1437
01:13:30,489 --> 01:13:31,614
Exciting, huh?

1438
01:13:31,782 --> 01:13:32,824
Yeah!

1439
01:13:33,367 --> 01:13:34,367
Wow.

1440
01:13:34,993 --> 01:13:36,577
You look great.

1441
01:13:43,335 --> 01:13:44,627
Hello.
Hello!

1442
01:13:46,046 --> 01:13:47,713
Oh, I'm so glad you came.

1443
01:13:47,881 --> 01:13:49,340
Yeah, me, too.

1444
01:13:49,508 --> 01:13:51,384
Brought you an iced tea.
Oh, well!

1445
01:13:51,552 --> 01:13:52,677
Thank you.

1446
01:13:54,930 --> 01:13:56,472
It's awesome
to see you, man.

1447
01:13:57,015 --> 01:13:59,517
But there's a heck of a lot
of caffeine in that tea.

1448
01:13:59,726 --> 01:14:03,020
I brought you
a super juice.

1449
01:14:03,105 --> 01:14:04,105
Oh!

1450
01:14:04,314 --> 01:14:05,314
Thank you!

1451
01:14:07,693 --> 01:14:08,860
Um... Shall we go in?

1452
01:14:09,027 --> 01:14:11,154
Why not? Sure. Let
me carry that for you.

1453
01:14:11,238 --> 01:14:12,530
Oh. Thank you.

1454
01:14:12,698 --> 01:14:14,532
Can I carry
your phone for you?

1455
01:14:15,242 --> 01:14:16,742
Okay.

1456
01:14:18,745 --> 01:14:19,871
Thank you.

1457
01:14:20,914 --> 01:14:23,040
And who do we have here then?

1458
01:14:23,250 --> 01:14:27,336
I'm Bridget
and this is Jack.

1459
01:14:27,880 --> 01:14:30,548
And this is Mark.

1460
01:14:31,467 --> 01:14:33,634
(GASPS) Oh!

1461
01:14:33,719 --> 01:14:34,927
Lovely.

1462
01:14:35,137 --> 01:14:37,513
You're our second
same-sex couple today!

1463
01:14:37,973 --> 01:14:39,223
(CHUCKLES)
(APPLAUSE)

1464
01:14:41,185 --> 01:14:42,727
Uh, no,
actually, we're...

1465
01:14:42,895 --> 01:14:44,020
Absolutely!

1466
01:14:44,104 --> 01:14:47,648
We just need the gift of a
baby to make us feel complete.

1467
01:14:48,233 --> 01:14:49,442
You must be the surrogate?

1468
01:14:50,277 --> 01:14:51,652
Exactly. Yes.

1469
01:14:51,737 --> 01:14:55,072
Just helping this wonderful
couple make their dream come true.

1470
01:14:55,240 --> 01:14:56,949
See, Mark is very nervous
about all this.

1471
01:14:57,117 --> 01:14:59,577
It's all new to you,
isn't it, lamb chop?

1472
01:15:01,872 --> 01:15:05,625
BRIDGET: Like all visionaries,
we'll encounter bumps along the road.

1473
01:15:05,918 --> 01:15:08,586
How would you like to give
birth to your placenta?

1474
01:15:08,754 --> 01:15:09,921
Quickly!

1475
01:15:11,632 --> 01:15:12,632
(LAUGHS)

1476
01:15:13,175 --> 01:15:14,175
(COUGHING)

1477
01:15:34,905 --> 01:15:36,447
Are you okay?
Are you sure?

1478
01:15:37,115 --> 01:15:38,658
DAISY: And of course,
massage can have

1479
01:15:38,742 --> 01:15:40,826
many benefits
throughout pregnancy.

1480
01:15:40,994 --> 01:15:42,161
Can we name some of them?

1481
01:15:42,329 --> 01:15:45,122
Yes. It relieves stress and
promotes feel-good hormones.

1482
01:15:45,290 --> 01:15:47,333
And is also to be avoided in
cases of high-risk pregnancy.

1483
01:15:47,501 --> 01:15:49,627
For example, when there
is a geriatric mother.

1484
01:15:49,795 --> 01:15:52,838
DAISY: Right! Excellent.
Someone's been reading up.

1485
01:15:53,006 --> 01:15:54,131
Would you like to have a go?

1486
01:15:54,299 --> 01:15:56,008
No, I think I'll let
Jack get on with it.

1487
01:15:56,093 --> 01:15:57,760
I think he seems
to have it covered.

1488
01:15:57,928 --> 01:16:01,180
That's very sweet of you. That's
why I love you, my little teacup.

1489
01:16:03,725 --> 01:16:05,518
JACK: (THROUGH SPEAKERS) What
if we asked the right question

1490
01:16:05,602 --> 01:16:07,311
and applied
the laws of mathematics

1491
01:16:07,479 --> 01:16:09,772
so that the science of
courtship could be quantified?

1492
01:16:19,283 --> 01:16:20,533
Uh-oh!

1493
01:16:27,291 --> 01:16:28,499
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)

1494
01:16:33,046 --> 01:16:34,255
Yippee!

1495
01:16:34,339 --> 01:16:35,548
It's a match!

1496
01:16:46,018 --> 01:16:47,018
(EXHALES DEEPLY)

1497
01:16:48,145 --> 01:16:49,145
Oh.

1498
01:16:56,236 --> 01:16:57,945
(WINCES AND GROANS)

1499
01:17:03,535 --> 01:17:04,827
(PHONE RINGING)

1500
01:17:07,372 --> 01:17:09,081
May I please
make an application

1501
01:17:09,166 --> 01:17:10,833
for leave to
appeal in the case of

1502
01:17:11,001 --> 01:17:14,045
Her Majesty's Government and
Saddiq Al Bashir. (PHONE VIBRATING)

1503
01:17:14,921 --> 01:17:17,840
As Your Lordship is no doubt
aware, Mr. Al Bashir lost...

1504
01:17:18,216 --> 01:17:19,508
So, everything's
all right?

1505
01:17:19,676 --> 01:17:22,053
Yes, well,
it's this combination.

1506
01:17:22,220 --> 01:17:26,682
Gherkins, anchovies,
banana juice, and Pringles!

1507
01:17:27,225 --> 01:17:28,976
So, essentially...

1508
01:17:29,061 --> 01:17:30,061
It's wind.

1509
01:17:30,145 --> 01:17:31,145
Huh.

1510
01:17:31,897 --> 01:17:34,398
Right. So, going forward,

1511
01:17:35,359 --> 01:17:38,110
regular Pringles,
not hot spicy barbecue?

1512
01:17:38,278 --> 01:17:40,112
Or possibly
no Pringles at all.

1513
01:17:40,280 --> 01:17:41,405
Try that.
(SOFTLY) Ugh.

1514
01:17:44,618 --> 01:17:47,036
Ah! Is everything all right?
Is Bridget okay?

1515
01:17:47,162 --> 01:17:48,579
Yes. Perfectly fine.

1516
01:17:48,747 --> 01:17:49,830
She in there with...

1517
01:17:49,915 --> 01:17:51,749
That's Dr. Pringle.

1518
01:17:52,417 --> 01:17:53,751
He's testing her blood.
This is interesting.

1519
01:17:54,086 --> 01:17:56,754
This is a new bedside technique
we're testing out of Oslo.

1520
01:17:56,922 --> 01:17:58,005
It's Norwegian...

1521
01:17:58,090 --> 01:17:59,882
It's all right. I know about
Jack. Thank you, Doctor.

1522
01:18:00,050 --> 01:18:02,510
Oh, thank goodness. Why
didn't you tell me? She's fine.

1523
01:18:02,678 --> 01:18:04,887
He's calmed her down
completely actually.

1524
01:18:05,097 --> 01:18:07,473
I'm sorry. I got your
messages. I was in court.

1525
01:18:07,557 --> 01:18:08,557
(LAUGHING)
Oh.

1526
01:18:10,185 --> 01:18:11,185
Oh.

1527
01:18:11,561 --> 01:18:14,480
Hi. It's all right.
Can't be helped.

1528
01:18:15,065 --> 01:18:16,857
(CELLPHONE RINGING)

1529
01:18:18,944 --> 01:18:20,277
You should get it.

1530
01:18:20,445 --> 01:18:22,113
It might be work.

1531
01:18:25,033 --> 01:18:26,742
Don't worry. I got it covered.

1532
01:18:26,868 --> 01:18:28,411
Yes, I can see that!

1533
01:18:29,329 --> 01:18:32,039
Wow. Okay.
You need to chill out.

1534
01:18:32,708 --> 01:18:34,291
We have to do this together.

1535
01:18:34,918 --> 01:18:37,378
You know, in Peru, the Um
Bat Do consider paternity

1536
01:18:37,546 --> 01:18:39,296
a task shared
between the many tribesmen.

1537
01:18:39,464 --> 01:18:41,632
Well, unfortunately,
we Um Bat Don't live in Peru.

1538
01:18:41,800 --> 01:18:43,175
I live in Ealing.

1539
01:18:44,302 --> 01:18:47,138
Negative energy is
just so bad for the baby.

1540
01:18:47,556 --> 01:18:48,931
(SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE)

1541
01:18:49,933 --> 01:18:52,476
Stop it, both of you!

1542
01:18:52,811 --> 01:18:54,812
This isn't a competition.

1543
01:18:56,815 --> 01:18:58,649
JACK: She's right.

1544
01:18:58,900 --> 01:19:01,902
We should take this toxic
energy out of the room.

1545
01:19:09,995 --> 01:19:11,620
I won't be a minute.

1546
01:19:23,842 --> 01:19:25,259
What's up?

1547
01:19:25,343 --> 01:19:26,594
Come on, buddy.

1548
01:19:27,763 --> 01:19:28,804
Why are you so angry?

1549
01:19:30,432 --> 01:19:32,308
You know what?
I'm really not your buddy.

1550
01:19:32,476 --> 01:19:35,853
And I don't know about vibes or
negative energy or prenatal wind

1551
01:19:36,021 --> 01:19:37,480
and even less
about algorithms.

1552
01:19:37,647 --> 01:19:40,524
So, I will confess that the laws of
attraction are somewhat beyond me.

1553
01:19:41,276 --> 01:19:44,028
In fact, Bridget defies
comprehension generally.

1554
01:19:44,112 --> 01:19:45,821
But despite,
or perhaps, owing to

1555
01:19:45,947 --> 01:19:47,323
the bewildering
litany of catastrophes

1556
01:19:47,407 --> 01:19:48,741
I've witnessed over
the last 40 years,

1557
01:19:48,825 --> 01:19:50,117
I feel I've come to
know Bridget rather well,

1558
01:19:50,202 --> 01:19:52,328
and I've spent those years
caring for her very deeply.

1559
01:19:52,496 --> 01:19:53,913
And that may defy
automated reasoning,

1560
01:19:53,997 --> 01:19:55,331
but there's nothing
I can do about it.

1561
01:19:55,499 --> 01:19:56,749
Nothing you can do about it?

1562
01:19:56,833 --> 01:19:58,209
Maybe you should try
and stay around a little

1563
01:19:58,293 --> 01:20:00,127
instead of saving
the world by cell phone.

1564
01:20:00,295 --> 01:20:01,378
I make her happy, Mark.

1565
01:20:01,546 --> 01:20:03,130
And I suppose your
algorithm tells you

1566
01:20:03,215 --> 01:20:04,715
you're destined to
be together, does it?

1567
01:20:04,883 --> 01:20:06,133
Actually, it does.

1568
01:20:06,218 --> 01:20:08,385
The fact that you've been trying
and failing for the past 10 years

1569
01:20:08,470 --> 01:20:09,470
tells me you are not.

1570
01:20:09,971 --> 01:20:11,013
No.

1571
01:20:11,097 --> 01:20:12,556
I don't want to
fight with you.

1572
01:20:15,894 --> 01:20:17,561
We should think about
Bridget and the baby.

1573
01:20:18,188 --> 01:20:19,980
For better or worse,
fate has brought us together.

1574
01:20:20,065 --> 01:20:22,233
It wasn't fate,
it was condoms.

1575
01:20:23,026 --> 01:20:24,026
What do you mean?

1576
01:20:24,194 --> 01:20:25,528
Those ridiculous
dolphin-friendly things

1577
01:20:25,612 --> 01:20:27,238
from the bottom
of Bridget's bag.

1578
01:20:28,323 --> 01:20:30,199
I'm sorry, I have no idea
what you're talking about.

1579
01:20:30,367 --> 01:20:31,826
When Bridget and I
got it on,

1580
01:20:32,786 --> 01:20:34,829
I was not dressed
for the occasion.

1581
01:21:08,780 --> 01:21:10,531
(CELLPHONE VIBRATING)

1582
01:21:18,039 --> 01:21:19,456
No Mark today?

1583
01:21:19,541 --> 01:21:20,583
No.

1584
01:21:25,755 --> 01:21:27,673
We must thank one person

1585
01:21:27,757 --> 01:21:30,259
who was prepared to fight
for us when no one else would.

1586
01:21:30,719 --> 01:21:33,846
And we say to that
person with all our heart...

1587
01:21:35,974 --> 01:21:37,558
(CHEERING)

1588
01:21:37,976 --> 01:21:39,476
Free speech!

1589
01:21:39,644 --> 01:21:42,813
(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)
(CHEERING CONTINUES)

1590
01:21:43,940 --> 01:21:45,816
RICHARD: Bridget. Camera back.

1591
01:21:47,652 --> 01:21:51,071
SHAZZER: I still can't believe
Mark ducked out like that.

1592
01:21:51,406 --> 01:21:53,157
BRIDGET: Well,
it's not really his fault.

1593
01:21:53,575 --> 01:21:58,120
I suppose we just have to
hope it's Jack's, right?

1594
01:21:59,164 --> 01:22:00,623
I mean, let's face it.

1595
01:22:00,790 --> 01:22:04,001
Things could be worse.
He is pretty fucking amazing.

1596
01:22:04,169 --> 01:22:07,254
He's richer than God, and he
has a very nice-sized puppet.

1597
01:22:07,422 --> 01:22:08,839
He does.

1598
01:22:09,424 --> 01:22:12,176
And we match up
very nicely on paper.

1599
01:22:13,345 --> 01:22:14,637
How do you know?

1600
01:22:15,138 --> 01:22:16,513
You just have to have faith.

1601
01:22:16,681 --> 01:22:18,182
You just have to
ask yourself,

1602
01:22:18,350 --> 01:22:23,270
"Can I see myself
growing old with this guy

1603
01:22:23,980 --> 01:22:25,814
"and not Mark Darcy?"

1604
01:22:28,360 --> 01:22:30,986
There it is. Uh-oh!
There we go.

1605
01:22:38,662 --> 01:22:40,704
Oh, hey!
Oh.

1606
01:22:41,039 --> 01:22:44,124
You know, first few months,
they only see black and white.

1607
01:22:44,209 --> 01:22:46,543
This will help
stimulate spatial awareness.

1608
01:22:47,045 --> 01:22:49,213
Or early onset
motion sickness.

1609
01:22:50,840 --> 01:22:53,550
I got him one of these.
A bouncy chair.

1610
01:22:53,885 --> 01:22:55,386
(CHUCKLES)
Ah!

1611
01:22:55,845 --> 01:22:58,722
Not quite sure where
we're going to put it.

1612
01:22:59,015 --> 01:23:00,015
Yeah.

1613
01:23:00,183 --> 01:23:01,183
About that,

1614
01:23:02,560 --> 01:23:05,896
uh, it's kind of cramped
in here, don't you think?

1615
01:23:08,400 --> 01:23:09,650
It's cozy.

1616
01:23:12,237 --> 01:23:13,904
You know,
I've been thinking...

1617
01:23:14,990 --> 01:23:17,533
Might be nice if
we moved in together.

1618
01:23:18,243 --> 01:23:20,411
You think
we're ready for that?

1619
01:23:20,578 --> 01:23:24,081
I'm just tired of living in
hotel rooms and airport lounges.

1620
01:23:25,333 --> 01:23:26,750
We could be a family.

1621
01:23:27,877 --> 01:23:30,045
Me, you and him.

1622
01:23:31,339 --> 01:23:32,673
What do you say?

1623
01:23:32,757 --> 01:23:33,757
(CHUCKLES)

1624
01:23:38,388 --> 01:23:39,763
What if it's not yours?

1625
01:23:40,348 --> 01:23:41,432
What?

1626
01:23:41,516 --> 01:23:44,059
What if the baby
turns out to be Mark's?

1627
01:23:49,357 --> 01:23:52,067
Well, I mean, it would
certainly change things.

1628
01:23:56,948 --> 01:23:59,366
Is that what you want?
For it to be Mark's?

1629
01:23:59,784 --> 01:24:01,035
Oh. Uh...

1630
01:24:02,287 --> 01:24:03,287
(SOFT CHUCKLE)

1631
01:24:05,582 --> 01:24:07,332
Are you in love with him?

1632
01:24:10,754 --> 01:24:12,546
I have been.

1633
01:24:12,714 --> 01:24:14,173
In the past.

1634
01:24:16,593 --> 01:24:17,926
And me?

1635
01:24:20,346 --> 01:24:23,474
I could be one day.

1636
01:24:31,983 --> 01:24:35,486
Bridget, I haven't been
entirely honest with you.

1637
01:24:37,113 --> 01:24:38,530
Mark thinks
the baby isn't his,

1638
01:24:38,615 --> 01:24:40,908
and I let him
believe it was mine.

1639
01:24:41,576 --> 01:24:43,786
That's why he disappeared.

1640
01:24:47,707 --> 01:24:48,791
Why would he think that?

1641
01:24:48,958 --> 01:24:52,544
Because I let him. Because
I wanted you for myself.

1642
01:24:54,255 --> 01:24:55,255
Oh.

1643
01:24:56,132 --> 01:24:58,509
We could be so good
for each other.

1644
01:25:00,470 --> 01:25:02,346
97*%.

1645
01:25:04,724 --> 01:25:06,308
On paper.

1646
01:25:07,018 --> 01:25:09,311
But falling in love
doesn't happen on paper.

1647
01:25:11,564 --> 01:25:13,440
Sometimes you love a person

1648
01:25:13,608 --> 01:25:16,860
because of all the reasons
they're not like you.

1649
01:25:19,948 --> 01:25:20,989
And sometimes
you love a person

1650
01:25:21,074 --> 01:25:23,867
just because
they feel like home.

1651
01:25:27,872 --> 01:25:29,790
I've got to find Mark.

1652
01:25:32,502 --> 01:25:33,502
(DIALING PHONE)

1653
01:25:34,379 --> 01:25:35,379
(PHONE RINGING)

1654
01:25:36,339 --> 01:25:39,341
Hello, Pierce.
It's Bridget.

1655
01:25:39,509 --> 01:25:40,676
I'm trying to
get hold of Mark.

1656
01:25:40,844 --> 01:25:42,511
PIERCE: Hejust got back
from a trip, Bridget.

1657
01:25:42,595 --> 01:25:44,471
He's in a taxi
on his way home.

1658
01:25:48,893 --> 01:25:49,893
(SIGHS)

1659
01:25:53,106 --> 01:25:54,148
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

1660
01:26:18,923 --> 01:26:19,923
Hi.

1661
01:26:26,264 --> 01:26:27,264
(CAMILLE CHUCKLING)

1662
01:26:36,566 --> 01:26:37,858
(HORN HONKING)
(GASPS)

1663
01:27:04,969 --> 01:27:07,804
Approximately
eight weeks to go.

1664
01:27:08,765 --> 01:27:09,765
Mmm.

1665
01:27:13,561 --> 01:27:15,604
You don't really
need them, you know.

1666
01:27:15,688 --> 01:27:18,065
All they're good for is fitting
car seats and blaming things on.

1667
01:27:18,149 --> 01:27:20,359
They really just get
in the way after that.

1668
01:27:21,361 --> 01:27:24,655
You're absolutely capable
of doing this on your own.

1669
01:27:26,491 --> 01:27:27,532
I did.

1670
01:27:30,787 --> 01:27:32,329
(HORSE NEIGHING)

1671
01:27:32,997 --> 01:27:35,165
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)

1672
01:27:46,636 --> 01:27:49,930
BRIDGET: You know what?
I can do this on my own.

1673
01:27:50,181 --> 01:27:52,307
We can do this on our own.

1674
01:27:52,850 --> 01:27:54,184
One of the perks
of being pregnant

1675
01:27:54,269 --> 01:27:57,062
is no longer feel like
a tragic, lonely spinster

1676
01:27:57,230 --> 01:27:59,815
because of miniature
miracle growing inside.

1677
01:28:00,316 --> 01:28:01,316
Hello.

1678
01:28:01,567 --> 01:28:02,818
Hello!

1679
01:28:04,988 --> 01:28:08,323
Mum's throwing a Christmas
party/political rally.

1680
01:28:08,491 --> 01:28:10,701
It's like the G8
summit with Scotch eggs.

1681
01:28:11,286 --> 01:28:13,829
Oh.
Be brave. Go in.

1682
01:28:14,497 --> 01:28:16,164
Hello, darling!
Hello.

1683
01:28:16,332 --> 01:28:20,002
Sorry, I didn't realize everyone
was here. I'll just pop upstairs.

1684
01:28:20,169 --> 01:28:23,338
No, nonsense. Nonsense.
(CHUCKLES)

1685
01:28:23,881 --> 01:28:26,591
Una's had all
the posters re-printed.

1686
01:28:27,427 --> 01:28:28,927
BRIDGET: Oh.
MUM: You've inspired me.

1687
01:28:29,012 --> 01:28:30,637
BRIDGET: It's still so long.

1688
01:28:30,722 --> 01:28:32,723
You were quite right,
as it turns out.

1689
01:28:32,890 --> 01:28:35,309
This place is teeming with
single mothers, single fathers,

1690
01:28:35,393 --> 01:28:37,477
bisexuals, surrogates,

1691
01:28:37,645 --> 01:28:38,729
and they're all lovely.

1692
01:28:38,896 --> 01:28:40,188
And so normal.

1693
01:28:40,356 --> 01:28:42,357
Do you know, I've even got
two homosexuals on the team?

1694
01:28:42,525 --> 01:28:43,525
No, thank you.

1695
01:28:43,693 --> 01:28:45,527
Who knew?
Everybody.

1696
01:28:47,447 --> 01:28:49,614
I'm so proud of you,
darling, you know that?

1697
01:28:50,074 --> 01:28:51,241
What you're doing is not easy.

1698
01:28:51,409 --> 01:28:53,243
But if anyone can
make it work, it's you.

1699
01:28:54,245 --> 01:28:58,165
That child is the luckiest boy
on earth to have you as his mum.

1700
01:28:58,333 --> 01:28:59,333
And he's going
to have the love

1701
01:28:59,417 --> 01:29:01,835
of a million fathers
with you by his side.

1702
01:29:02,045 --> 01:29:03,045
Oh...

1703
01:29:03,504 --> 01:29:06,131
Come on. We've got
some campaigning to do.

1704
01:29:06,424 --> 01:29:10,010
Make way, make way. Single
pregnant mother coming through.

1705
01:29:11,846 --> 01:29:13,764
Laura, Josh.

1706
01:29:14,057 --> 01:29:17,726
We need to give six minutes
to General Lu Tong, okay?

1707
01:29:17,894 --> 01:29:19,519
It's a huge scoop.

1708
01:29:19,687 --> 01:29:21,563
Yeah. Alice wants to
pull the interview. What?

1709
01:29:21,647 --> 01:29:24,858
She's got a feature on "Is the
world really ending on Tuesday?"

1710
01:29:25,068 --> 01:29:28,403
Well, it may as well if we
lose Lu Tong. Lu Tong stays.

1711
01:29:28,571 --> 01:29:30,989
Six minutes.
Let's do this.

1712
01:29:32,367 --> 01:29:34,618
General Lu Tong. Hi!

1713
01:29:34,786 --> 01:29:38,538
Sorry it's so chaotic in here
today. Thank you for coming on.

1714
01:29:38,706 --> 01:29:40,791
We're on live in two minutes.

1715
01:29:40,958 --> 01:29:42,793
Miranda will
probably want to start

1716
01:29:42,877 --> 01:29:45,462
with what's going
on in Naypyidaw.

1717
01:29:45,880 --> 01:29:47,839
Miranda,
get back on General Lu Tong.

1718
01:29:47,965 --> 01:29:48,965
Keep pressing.

1719
01:29:49,467 --> 01:29:52,260
So, let me ask you one
more time, General Lu Tong,

1720
01:29:52,428 --> 01:29:55,514
will you take responsibility
for the human rights abuses

1721
01:29:55,681 --> 01:29:57,557
perpetrated by
your own government?

1722
01:29:57,725 --> 01:30:00,560
He's on the rack. Tight on
four. Get those beads of sweat.

1723
01:30:00,645 --> 01:30:01,645
DIRECTOR: In you go,
four, push in.

1724
01:30:01,771 --> 01:30:04,398
I'm sorry.
I can't answer that.

1725
01:30:05,233 --> 01:30:06,983
Can't or won't, Lu Tong?

1726
01:30:07,151 --> 01:30:09,152
Can't or won't,
General Lu Tong?

1727
01:30:09,320 --> 01:30:11,696
On balance
I'd suggest "can't"

1728
01:30:11,864 --> 01:30:14,950
considering I've just found
General Lu Tong in the lobby

1729
01:30:15,118 --> 01:30:16,952
and his chauffeur is
currently live on-air

1730
01:30:17,120 --> 01:30:19,788
answering questions about
Far Eastern geopolitics.

1731
01:30:19,956 --> 01:30:21,832
MIRANDA: No?
Any comment you want to make

1732
01:30:21,916 --> 01:30:24,835
about the use of sexual
torture by your own military?

1733
01:30:26,504 --> 01:30:28,755
Ask him about London traffic.

1734
01:30:28,923 --> 01:30:32,008
London traffic, General Lu
Tong? Anything to say about that?

1735
01:30:32,427 --> 01:30:33,844
No comment there.

1736
01:30:34,011 --> 01:30:35,095
Unbelievable.

1737
01:30:35,263 --> 01:30:36,763
That's it from
General Lu Tong.

1738
01:30:36,848 --> 01:30:38,723
We'll see you
after this short break.

1739
01:30:38,850 --> 01:30:39,850
Good job!

1740
01:30:43,646 --> 01:30:46,273
Unfortunately,
you leave me no choice.

1741
01:30:46,357 --> 01:30:49,818
It's actually illegal to fire
somebody for being pregnant.

1742
01:30:49,986 --> 01:30:51,111
I'm not firing her
for being pregnant.

1743
01:30:51,195 --> 01:30:52,612
I'm firing her for
gross incompetency.

1744
01:30:52,697 --> 01:30:55,031
RICHARD: Bridget is the
beating heart of this show.

1745
01:30:55,158 --> 01:30:56,616
How could you
want to fire her?

1746
01:30:56,784 --> 01:30:59,453
How about for interviewing a
chauffeur instead of a general?

1747
01:30:59,620 --> 01:31:00,912
Using a TV interview

1748
01:31:01,080 --> 01:31:03,623
to determine if a guest might
be the father of her child

1749
01:31:03,791 --> 01:31:08,420
and being responsible for the
broadcast of six bare arses?

1750
01:31:14,177 --> 01:31:15,302
It's okay.

1751
01:31:15,720 --> 01:31:17,721
It's really okay, Richard.

1752
01:31:18,222 --> 01:31:21,349
I was going to quit anyway.
Probably.

1753
01:31:22,310 --> 01:31:26,730
Believe it or not, I was a little
like you when I started here.

1754
01:31:26,898 --> 01:31:29,191
A little chunkier,
much less make-up.

1755
01:31:29,817 --> 01:31:31,401
But I wanted to
make my mark, too.

1756
01:31:32,361 --> 01:31:34,654
But I don't want to be
part of your rebranding.

1757
01:31:34,822 --> 01:31:36,573
I haven't got
the right haircut anyway,

1758
01:31:36,741 --> 01:31:38,492
and I don't drink
cocktails out of jam jars

1759
01:31:38,576 --> 01:31:40,827
or post photos of
my lunch on Instagram.

1760
01:31:41,120 --> 01:31:43,580
And I suppose
it's become unfashionable

1761
01:31:43,748 --> 01:31:46,166
to care about wanting
to make something worthwhile.

1762
01:31:46,334 --> 01:31:50,295
But I would rather be
old-fashioned and unemployed

1763
01:31:50,463 --> 01:31:53,173
than part of a show
that celebrates the inane.

1764
01:31:54,008 --> 01:31:56,551
Then maybe when my boy
is old enough to understand,

1765
01:31:56,636 --> 01:31:59,095
integrity will be
fashionable again.

1766
01:32:27,792 --> 01:32:29,459
What have I done?

1767
01:32:40,680 --> 01:32:41,680
Oh.

1768
01:32:43,975 --> 01:32:46,226
It's all very well
fighting for your principles

1769
01:32:46,310 --> 01:32:48,687
when there's no food
in the fridge.

1770
01:32:53,859 --> 01:32:56,945
BRIDGET: I mean, how difficult
can it be to find another job

1771
01:32:57,113 --> 01:33:01,324
when you've just been fired
and you're nine months pregnant?

1772
01:33:01,492 --> 01:33:03,159
And whatever happens now,

1773
01:33:03,327 --> 01:33:06,496
I'm going to get you
one of those bloody Bugaboos.

1774
01:33:09,625 --> 01:33:11,501
Birthday?
(KEYPAD BEEPING)

1775
01:33:14,130 --> 01:33:16,464
BRIDGET: Oh, God.
Brain's gone to mush.

1776
01:33:16,632 --> 01:33:18,091
First shag?

1777
01:33:18,175 --> 01:33:19,175
(KEYPAD BEEPING)

1778
01:33:22,722 --> 01:33:23,847
No!

1779
01:33:24,640 --> 01:33:25,640
Ooh!

1780
01:33:26,726 --> 01:33:28,184
Bugger!

1781
01:33:29,103 --> 01:33:30,103
(STIFLED GRUNT)

1782
01:33:33,149 --> 01:33:35,150
I'm really sorry.

1783
01:33:37,820 --> 01:33:40,614
I've gone all crap
all of a sudden.

1784
01:33:41,949 --> 01:33:42,991
Right.

1785
01:33:50,833 --> 01:33:51,833
(GASPS)

1786
01:33:54,045 --> 01:33:55,629
No, no, no.

1787
01:33:58,716 --> 01:33:59,924
Oh, fuck.

1788
01:34:06,932 --> 01:34:08,558
(THUNDER RUMBLING)

1789
01:34:16,067 --> 01:34:17,067
(DOORBELL BUZZING)

1790
01:34:19,028 --> 01:34:20,111
(DOORBELL BUZZING)

1791
01:34:23,074 --> 01:34:24,491
(DOORBELL BUZZING)

1792
01:34:25,284 --> 01:34:26,284
(SHIVERING)

1793
01:34:29,997 --> 01:34:31,790
Bugger, bugger, bugger.

1794
01:35:32,560 --> 01:35:35,562
BRIDGET: Okay.
New pre-birth resolutions.

1795
01:35:35,730 --> 01:35:40,483
I, Bridget Jones, am going to
be the best mother in the world.

1796
01:35:41,193 --> 01:35:43,528
I'm going to try not
to leave you in a shop

1797
01:35:43,696 --> 01:35:44,904
or put you in
the washing machine

1798
01:35:44,989 --> 01:35:48,074
like that woman in
the newspaper with her cat.

1799
01:35:48,617 --> 01:35:50,952
Look,
I know I made you a promise

1800
01:35:51,120 --> 01:35:53,872
I would get things sorted
before you got here.

1801
01:35:54,039 --> 01:35:56,541
Well, the truth is, I haven't.

1802
01:35:56,709 --> 01:35:59,127
But you and me
can do this together

1803
01:36:00,212 --> 01:36:03,882
because knights in shining
armor don't exist anymore.

1804
01:36:04,759 --> 01:36:07,802
Or do they?

1805
01:36:23,152 --> 01:36:24,152
Hi.

1806
01:36:26,155 --> 01:36:27,155
Bridget.

1807
01:36:27,490 --> 01:36:28,907
Good God,
what are you doing there?

1808
01:36:29,074 --> 01:36:30,158
You're all wet.

1809
01:36:30,326 --> 01:36:31,326
Yes.

1810
01:36:31,452 --> 01:36:33,244
I locked myself out.

1811
01:36:33,412 --> 01:36:37,832
I left my bag,
lost my keys, phone,

1812
01:36:39,376 --> 01:36:40,794
my mind.

1813
01:36:41,337 --> 01:36:43,338
What are you doing here?

1814
01:36:44,882 --> 01:36:48,843
Well, it seems I can always
find time to save the world.

1815
01:36:49,011 --> 01:36:50,762
But you're my world.

1816
01:36:58,145 --> 01:37:00,730
I thought you were
back with Candida.

1817
01:37:01,524 --> 01:37:03,691
You know perfectly
well her name is Camilla.

1818
01:37:04,235 --> 01:37:05,360
Camilla. (CHUCKLES)

1819
01:37:07,655 --> 01:37:12,242
I came round your house to
find you and she was there.

1820
01:37:12,493 --> 01:37:15,620
She came to collect her bags.
Gone back to The Hague.

1821
01:37:16,163 --> 01:37:18,706
I've just taken
her to the airport.

1822
01:37:36,934 --> 01:37:38,268
Thank you.

1823
01:37:41,772 --> 01:37:42,772
Bridget,

1824
01:37:44,483 --> 01:37:49,237
you know I find emotional
declarations difficult.

1825
01:37:51,615 --> 01:37:53,491
But the truth is...

1826
01:37:59,164 --> 01:38:00,790
Why are my trousers warm?

1827
01:38:04,295 --> 01:38:05,503
My waters must have broken!

1828
01:38:05,754 --> 01:38:06,713
Oh, Jesus.

1829
01:38:06,797 --> 01:38:08,923
So sorry. I'll get a cloth.

1830
01:38:09,008 --> 01:38:11,175
But you're not due for another
two or three weeks at least.

1831
01:38:12,136 --> 01:38:13,344
Oh. That's a contraction.

1832
01:38:13,512 --> 01:38:15,013
I think we should get
to the hospital quickly.

1833
01:38:15,180 --> 01:38:16,180
Absolutely.

1834
01:38:16,307 --> 01:38:17,599
Let's take your car.

1835
01:38:17,766 --> 01:38:18,975
I came in a taxi.

1836
01:38:19,143 --> 01:38:20,393
Oh, for fuck's sake.

1837
01:38:20,477 --> 01:38:21,853
Well, how was I
supposed to know?

1838
01:38:22,146 --> 01:38:23,479
No, not you. The contractions!

1839
01:38:23,647 --> 01:38:24,647
No, we'll take your car.

1840
01:38:24,732 --> 01:38:25,732
We can't!

1841
01:38:25,816 --> 01:38:28,443
The car keys are in my bag
with everything else.

1842
01:38:28,527 --> 01:38:29,527
Oh!

1843
01:38:29,820 --> 01:38:31,362
Five, six, seven, eight.

1844
01:38:31,447 --> 01:38:33,656
You just pant and
breathe and count.

1845
01:38:33,824 --> 01:38:35,617
Nine. That's what you're
supposed to do, isn't it?

1846
01:38:35,784 --> 01:38:37,327
Ten...

1847
01:38:37,411 --> 01:38:38,661
(PHONE RINGING)

1848
01:38:43,500 --> 01:38:44,792
You should get that.

1849
01:38:44,960 --> 01:38:46,669
It might be work.

1850
01:38:48,464 --> 01:38:49,464
No! Don't!

1851
01:38:49,840 --> 01:38:50,840
(CELLPHONE THUDS)
MAN: Oi!

1852
01:38:52,343 --> 01:38:53,384
MAN: What the fuck?

1853
01:38:53,510 --> 01:38:54,844
That's really sweet.

1854
01:38:56,138 --> 01:38:57,805
But we've got to call a cab.

1855
01:38:58,223 --> 01:38:59,515
Oh, shit.

1856
01:38:59,850 --> 01:39:01,184
Right. What do we do?

1857
01:39:03,854 --> 01:39:05,313
I'll think of something.

1858
01:39:09,735 --> 01:39:11,569
MARK: Look out!
GIANNI: Move, move, move!

1859
01:39:13,197 --> 01:39:14,656
We goin' ospedale.

1860
01:39:14,740 --> 01:39:16,324
We gonna make the baby.

1861
01:39:18,619 --> 01:39:19,619
(WHOOPING)

1862
01:39:19,703 --> 01:39:20,828
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

1863
01:39:21,205 --> 01:39:22,372
God!

1864
01:39:23,874 --> 01:39:25,083
(HEAVY BREATHING)

1865
01:39:25,167 --> 01:39:29,045
This is really happening!
I'm going to be a mother!

1866
01:39:29,129 --> 01:39:30,380
Maybe I'm too
old for all this.

1867
01:39:30,547 --> 01:39:31,547
MARK: Wait!

1868
01:39:32,341 --> 01:39:33,591
Why are you stopping?

1869
01:39:34,051 --> 01:39:37,553
A margherita with onion and
pineapple, number 17. I thank you.

1870
01:39:48,399 --> 01:39:52,568
Who has onion and pineapple, huh?
Some people, they are crazy, no?

1871
01:39:53,404 --> 01:39:54,404
Oh.

1872
01:39:54,905 --> 01:39:55,863
Okay!
Yeah.

1873
01:39:55,948 --> 01:39:56,948
Okay. (SPEAKS ITALIAN)

1874
01:39:58,158 --> 01:39:59,534
(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

1875
01:40:02,204 --> 01:40:04,580
Don't you worry, Miss Bridget.
We get you there, huh?

1876
01:40:04,748 --> 01:40:07,709
There is no traffic this time
of night. It's okay, yeah?

1877
01:40:07,918 --> 01:40:10,628
CROWD: (CHANTING) Poonani!
Poonani! Power to the Poonani!

1878
01:40:10,713 --> 01:40:12,422
(GIANNI SPEAKING ITALIAN)

1879
01:40:12,923 --> 01:40:15,842
I cannot believe, it's a
bloody women's rights march!

1880
01:40:15,926 --> 01:40:18,386
BRIDGET: Oh, jeez, not now!

1881
01:40:18,595 --> 01:40:20,763
MARK: Christ!
It's those women I defended.

1882
01:40:20,931 --> 01:40:22,473
It's those infernal Russians.
Just hold my hand.

1883
01:40:22,725 --> 01:40:24,392
We really need
to get there.

1884
01:40:24,560 --> 01:40:26,436
We need to get there.
(HONKING)

1885
01:40:27,563 --> 01:40:28,980
All right!
We're getting out!

1886
01:40:29,106 --> 01:40:30,273
Uh, no, I don't think
that's wise. Ready?

1887
01:40:30,357 --> 01:40:31,357
No, Bridget. Bridget!

1888
01:40:34,278 --> 01:40:35,278
Call Jack.

1889
01:40:35,446 --> 01:40:37,739
I come behind with the bags,
Mr. Mark.

1890
01:40:37,906 --> 01:40:39,115
And I call Mr. Jack.

1891
01:40:39,283 --> 01:40:40,408
It's all right, Bridget.
We'll find a way.

1892
01:40:40,576 --> 01:40:42,285
I don't think I can walk.

1893
01:40:43,620 --> 01:40:45,455
All right. I'll carry you.
(WHOOPS)

1894
01:41:07,811 --> 01:41:09,562
(PANTING)

1895
01:41:09,646 --> 01:41:11,522
Good God, Bridget.
You're immense!

1896
01:41:11,690 --> 01:41:13,274
I can't help it!

1897
01:41:14,068 --> 01:41:15,234
(CONTINUES PANTING)

1898
01:41:15,319 --> 01:41:17,820
I think my lung's collapsed.
But this is not about me.

1899
01:41:18,363 --> 01:41:19,989
(GROANING) My contraction's
starting again!

1900
01:41:20,074 --> 01:41:21,991
I'm going to have
the baby in the street.

1901
01:41:22,159 --> 01:41:23,284
I'll tell you what.

1902
01:41:23,452 --> 01:41:26,329
We'll rest for 10,
and we'll walk for 10.

1903
01:41:26,497 --> 01:41:27,872
All right?
Okay.

1904
01:41:29,917 --> 01:41:30,917
(BREATHING DEEPLY)

1905
01:41:43,806 --> 01:41:46,224
It's not much further?

1906
01:41:46,809 --> 01:41:47,892
No.
No?

1907
01:41:47,976 --> 01:41:49,560
I think it's about...
I don't think...

1908
01:41:49,645 --> 01:41:52,021
...a mile and a half to go.

1909
01:41:52,648 --> 01:41:55,066
(GROANING)
Are you okay?

1910
01:41:56,193 --> 01:41:58,444
It's probably best if
I don't talk too much.

1911
01:41:58,529 --> 01:41:59,695
Yes.

1912
01:42:03,534 --> 01:42:06,160
Okay. I'm here. Okay.

1913
01:42:07,538 --> 01:42:09,831
I can take it from here.
I'm here. Okay.

1914
01:42:10,415 --> 01:42:11,707
I got this!

1915
01:42:11,917 --> 01:42:13,584
Thank you!
I got this.

1916
01:42:13,669 --> 01:42:15,545
(HEAVY BREATHING)
Okay.

1917
01:42:16,213 --> 01:42:17,213
Jesus!

1918
01:42:18,382 --> 01:42:19,423
Jesus!

1919
01:42:20,884 --> 01:42:21,968
Jesus!

1920
01:42:22,052 --> 01:42:23,469
I'm here.
This is a two-man job.

1921
01:42:23,554 --> 01:42:24,512
Okay.

1922
01:42:24,596 --> 01:42:26,264
JACK: Take her. Take her!
MARK: I got her. Got her.

1923
01:42:26,431 --> 01:42:28,558
JACK: Jesus! Don't drop her!

1924
01:42:29,226 --> 01:42:30,977
(PANTING)

1925
01:42:35,691 --> 01:42:37,567
Just go in. Okay. Do
you want to go this way?

1926
01:42:37,734 --> 01:42:38,901
Yes. Go there!
No, I'll go this way.

1927
01:42:39,069 --> 01:42:40,278
Okay. Go. Go.

1928
01:42:40,445 --> 01:42:42,196
All right. Squeeze in.

1929
01:42:42,364 --> 01:42:44,073
Are we gonna get in?
All right.

1930
01:42:44,241 --> 01:42:45,783
Squeeze in.
I'm squeezing.

1931
01:42:45,993 --> 01:42:47,076
And, push!

1932
01:42:47,452 --> 01:42:48,995
(GRUNTING)

1933
01:42:51,165 --> 01:42:52,290
No, no, it's fine.

1934
01:42:53,292 --> 01:42:54,750
(GRUNTING)

1935
01:42:55,794 --> 01:42:57,420
We're out.
Okay.

1936
01:42:57,504 --> 01:42:58,504
Nurse!

1937
01:42:58,589 --> 01:42:59,881
Carol, Carol,
wheelchair, wheelchair.

1938
01:43:00,048 --> 01:43:01,257
One, two, three...

1939
01:43:02,467 --> 01:43:05,261
Yes.
Over here, please. Thank you.

1940
01:43:06,221 --> 01:43:07,805
(GRUNTS)

1941
01:43:07,890 --> 01:43:08,890
You okay?

1942
01:43:08,974 --> 01:43:10,600
(HEAVY BREATHING)

1943
01:43:11,101 --> 01:43:12,059
Which of you is the father?

1944
01:43:12,144 --> 01:43:13,186
I am.
I am.

1945
01:43:13,270 --> 01:43:14,270
Right.

1946
01:43:14,438 --> 01:43:15,438
(EXHALES DEEPLY)

1947
01:43:18,859 --> 01:43:19,859
(GROANS) Oh!

1948
01:43:19,943 --> 01:43:21,444
Breathe out the pain.

1949
01:43:22,905 --> 01:43:25,448
Oh, good! I was wondering
how many fathers we'd get.

1950
01:43:25,616 --> 01:43:28,075
Full house! Bingo! (CHUCKLES) (CHUCKLES)

1951
01:43:28,160 --> 01:43:30,453
Bridget, how do you want
to do this? Epidural?

1952
01:43:30,579 --> 01:43:31,579
No, you can do this.
(BREATH TREMBLING)

1953
01:43:31,747 --> 01:43:34,790
A positive mental attitude
is stronger than any drug.

1954
01:43:34,958 --> 01:43:36,417
Just think away the pain.

1955
01:43:36,585 --> 01:43:38,794
Bollocks to that.
No. I want everything.

1956
01:43:38,962 --> 01:43:41,964
Gas, air,
injections, morphine.

1957
01:43:42,132 --> 01:43:43,925
Bridget, remember your yoga.

1958
01:43:44,092 --> 01:43:45,760
Fuck yoga!

1959
01:43:45,928 --> 01:43:47,470
DR. RAWLINGS: Oh, I couldn't
agree with you more.

1960
01:43:47,638 --> 01:43:49,430
It's supposed to relax one,
but I just spend the entire time

1961
01:43:49,598 --> 01:43:51,807
clenching my sphincter
in an effort not to fart.

1962
01:43:53,143 --> 01:43:55,645
Now, can we turn you over? I
just need to check your cervix.

1963
01:43:56,688 --> 01:43:58,814
Mmm. Mmm.

1964
01:43:59,024 --> 01:44:02,652
You're doing very well. That's
it. Turning around to me. Gently.

1965
01:44:02,986 --> 01:44:04,487
Just a little rummage.

1966
01:44:05,322 --> 01:44:08,157
Right. Ready? Rummaging now.

1967
01:44:08,242 --> 01:44:09,242
Oh!
Oh!

1968
01:44:09,326 --> 01:44:10,952
(GRUNTING) Ow! Oh!

1969
01:44:11,328 --> 01:44:14,538
Yes. Oh, good, good! You're at eight
centimeters already. That's excellent!

1970
01:44:14,623 --> 01:44:16,499
That means you can't
have any drugs at all.

1971
01:44:16,583 --> 01:44:17,583
What?

1972
01:44:17,668 --> 01:44:19,794
Yes, you're too far gone.
Well done!

1973
01:44:20,170 --> 01:44:21,462
Oh, another contraction.

1974
01:44:23,006 --> 01:44:25,174
I'm not sure how
much there is to gain

1975
01:44:25,342 --> 01:44:27,468
from you two being at the
coalface, if I'm honest.

1976
01:44:27,636 --> 01:44:30,179
My ex-husband said it was like
watching his favorite pub burn down.

1977
01:44:30,347 --> 01:44:31,514
So, your choice.

1978
01:44:33,392 --> 01:44:34,433
(GROANING)

1979
01:44:34,685 --> 01:44:37,895
Maybe Dad should go
and fetch Mum a cool flannel.

1980
01:44:39,523 --> 01:44:41,274
(CONTINUES GROANING)

1981
01:44:41,984 --> 01:44:45,778
I know, I know. Okay. It's
okay. It's okay. (WATER RUNNING)

1982
01:44:46,238 --> 01:44:47,571
You can do this.

1983
01:44:47,739 --> 01:44:50,366
Okay,
just think away the pain.

1984
01:44:50,492 --> 01:44:51,492
(SCREAMS)
Oh!

1985
01:44:52,035 --> 01:44:53,536
Motherfucker.

1986
01:44:53,704 --> 01:44:55,496
Just think away the pain.

1987
01:44:55,747 --> 01:44:57,790
Get out, both of you!

1988
01:44:59,209 --> 01:45:00,751
Where are you going?

1989
01:45:03,714 --> 01:45:07,008
(SOBBING)
I've changed my mind.

1990
01:45:07,175 --> 01:45:09,885
I've changed my mind.

1991
01:45:12,055 --> 01:45:14,140
(BRIDGET MOANING LOUDLY)

1992
01:45:35,620 --> 01:45:36,996
(SOBS)

1993
01:45:38,957 --> 01:45:41,042
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

1994
01:45:58,018 --> 01:45:59,185
(COUGHS)

1995
01:45:59,269 --> 01:46:01,437
(CONTINUES BREATHING HEAVILY)

1996
01:46:02,230 --> 01:46:03,564
(GROANING)

1997
01:46:05,609 --> 01:46:06,817
You can do this.

1998
01:46:09,404 --> 01:46:11,155
You can.
We can do it together.

1999
01:46:11,323 --> 01:46:13,074
Just think what life's
thrown at you already.

2000
01:46:13,325 --> 01:46:14,617
(SCREAMS)
(GROANS)

2001
01:46:15,035 --> 01:46:16,243
(GRUNTING)

2002
01:46:17,621 --> 01:46:20,081
(STRAINING) You've turned
disasters into triumphs

2003
01:46:20,248 --> 01:46:24,585
with your sheer, joyful,
indefatigable, infectious lust for life.

2004
01:46:24,753 --> 01:46:27,838
You've managed this entire pregnancy
almost entirely on your own,

2005
01:46:27,923 --> 01:46:30,007
despite a lunatic mother,

2006
01:46:30,175 --> 01:46:31,217
repressed men,

2007
01:46:31,301 --> 01:46:33,135
and cheating boyfriends
who don't deserve you.

2008
01:46:33,220 --> 01:46:34,303
(GROANS LOUDLY)

2009
01:46:36,932 --> 01:46:38,349
Just the last few moments.

2010
01:46:38,934 --> 01:46:40,351
Just the last few moments,
my love,

2011
01:46:40,435 --> 01:46:41,644
and then you'll see
your beautiful baby.

2012
01:46:43,688 --> 01:46:44,980
What if it's not yours?

2013
01:46:45,148 --> 01:46:46,482
Then I'll love him anyway.

2014
01:46:46,817 --> 01:46:48,818
Just as I love you.

2015
01:46:49,152 --> 01:46:53,030
Just the way you were, the way you
are, the way you always will be.

2016
01:46:54,533 --> 01:46:55,658
(SCREAMS) Ow!

2017
01:46:57,828 --> 01:46:59,745
(GROANING LOUDLY)

2018
01:46:59,830 --> 01:47:00,913
(SIGHS)

2019
01:47:01,623 --> 01:47:03,290
I think you'd better go
and have that seen to.

2020
01:47:03,458 --> 01:47:04,458
Thank you.

2021
01:47:04,876 --> 01:47:06,836
I'll handle it
from here.

2022
01:47:11,174 --> 01:47:12,716
"Think the pain away. "

2023
01:47:12,968 --> 01:47:15,886
You're pushing an entire
human being out of your vagina.

2024
01:47:16,054 --> 01:47:18,055
I'd like to see them
thinking it away.

2025
01:47:19,015 --> 01:47:20,099
(APPLAUSE)

2026
01:47:20,183 --> 01:47:24,019
And with 367 of the votes,

2027
01:47:24,146 --> 01:47:26,355
the winner is,
Pamela Margaret Jones.

2028
01:47:26,523 --> 01:47:28,190
Pamela! Darling, it's
Bridget. (PAMELA GASPS)

2029
01:47:28,358 --> 01:47:29,442
Not now, Colin.

2030
01:47:29,526 --> 01:47:30,568
It's about the baby!

2031
01:47:30,735 --> 01:47:34,363
I hereby declare that
Pamela Margaret Jones is...

2032
01:47:34,698 --> 01:47:36,073
I'm so sorry.

2033
01:47:36,241 --> 01:47:37,867
You'll have to excuse me.

2034
01:47:38,034 --> 01:47:40,453
We are about to
become a grandmother!

2035
01:47:40,537 --> 01:47:41,954
(APPLAUSE)

2036
01:47:42,581 --> 01:47:44,457
Well, that's it
for this special

2037
01:47:44,541 --> 01:47:46,834
late-night edition
of Hard News.

2038
01:47:47,377 --> 01:47:50,171
WOMAN: Grams going
at 25 seconds to off-air, 25.

2039
01:47:50,338 --> 01:47:51,505
Bridget's in labor.

2040
01:47:51,673 --> 01:47:53,883
(SHOUTS) Bridget's in labor!

2041
01:47:54,050 --> 01:47:57,261
Except to say,
Bridget Jones is in labor!

2042
01:47:57,345 --> 01:48:00,139
(LAUGHING)
(AL CHEERING AND WHOOPING)

2043
01:48:00,223 --> 01:48:01,765
Yeah! Brilliant!

2044
01:48:04,102 --> 01:48:05,269
Run the credits!

2045
01:48:05,437 --> 01:48:07,271
Run it!
Run the credits! Run it!

2046
01:48:07,439 --> 01:48:08,856
I hope
I'm bloody godmother.

2047
01:48:09,024 --> 01:48:10,441
Cue the fucking weather!

2048
01:48:11,693 --> 01:48:12,693
Listen...

2049
01:48:16,948 --> 01:48:18,908
I owe you
an apology.

2050
01:48:20,410 --> 01:48:23,370
I know I haven't behaved
very well in all this.

2051
01:48:25,415 --> 01:48:26,749
No, it's okay.

2052
01:48:28,502 --> 01:48:31,170
(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

2053
01:48:34,007 --> 01:48:36,091
(BABY CRYING)

2054
01:48:43,558 --> 01:48:44,850
(LAUGHS)

2055
01:48:46,603 --> 01:48:48,145
(COOING)

2056
01:48:51,483 --> 01:48:52,858
(SOFTLY) Hello.

2057
01:48:55,278 --> 01:48:56,779
(COOING)

2058
01:48:57,656 --> 01:48:58,781
Aw!

2059
01:48:59,115 --> 01:49:00,741
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

2060
01:49:00,867 --> 01:49:02,284
(DOOR OPENS)

2061
01:49:16,091 --> 01:49:19,009
Say hello to
our beautiful boy.

2062
01:49:20,929 --> 01:49:21,929
Go ahead.

2063
01:49:22,597 --> 01:49:23,597
Thank you.

2064
01:49:24,015 --> 01:49:25,015
Hi.

2065
01:49:25,392 --> 01:49:26,559
(BABY CRYING)

2066
01:49:27,310 --> 01:49:29,395
(CHUCKLES)
(SHUSHING)

2067
01:49:29,479 --> 01:49:30,980
(COOING)

2068
01:49:38,905 --> 01:49:40,364
That's who you are.

2069
01:49:40,532 --> 01:49:41,782
Isn't he perfect?

2070
01:49:41,950 --> 01:49:43,033
Yes.

2071
01:49:43,827 --> 01:49:45,077
(COOING)

2072
01:49:56,131 --> 01:49:57,756
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

2073
01:50:04,347 --> 01:50:05,681
Oh, hello.

2074
01:50:09,269 --> 01:50:11,520
(GIGGLES) I'm so sorry
I'm late, Bridge.

2075
01:50:11,688 --> 01:50:13,772
Some lesbians are having
a stupid all-night march.

2076
01:50:13,940 --> 01:50:15,983
Actually, they're marching
in aid of free speech.

2077
01:50:16,151 --> 01:50:18,402
It's rather important.
Oh, my God. Look at him.

2078
01:50:18,570 --> 01:50:19,903
Bridget.
Bridge.

2079
01:50:20,780 --> 01:50:24,241
I'm so sorry we weren't here.
This unbelievably annoying march...

2080
01:50:24,367 --> 01:50:26,577
Actually, the march is critical
to... Can I be godfather?

2081
01:50:26,661 --> 01:50:29,038
Oh, I'm depending on you.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

2082
01:50:29,456 --> 01:50:31,540
Oh, congratulations. Yeah, well
done. Well done. Congratulations.

2083
01:50:31,625 --> 01:50:32,666
Thank you very much.
TOM: Well done.

2084
01:50:32,751 --> 01:50:33,751
To both of you.
To all of you.

2085
01:50:33,835 --> 01:50:34,835
MUM: My daughter!

2086
01:50:35,003 --> 01:50:36,420
Where is she?
(EXCLAIMS)

2087
01:50:36,588 --> 01:50:39,632
I'm so sorry we didn't get here
on time! Daddy's parking the car.

2088
01:50:39,799 --> 01:50:41,342
There's some march
for women's rights.

2089
01:50:41,509 --> 01:50:43,761
I mean, honestly, do we
need any more rights?

2090
01:50:44,846 --> 01:50:46,555
Mum, meet your new grandson.

2091
01:50:47,098 --> 01:50:48,265
(MUM GASPS)

2092
01:50:49,225 --> 01:50:52,394
Aw, the darling.
He looks just...

2093
01:50:55,315 --> 01:50:56,899
Not that it matters,

2094
01:50:57,901 --> 01:51:00,069
but do we know
who the daddy is yet?

2095
01:51:02,739 --> 01:51:04,073
Shall we find out?

2096
01:51:06,159 --> 01:51:08,410
Come on, you two.
Time for a little test.

2097
01:51:08,870 --> 01:51:10,162
(CHUCKLES)
So exciting, isn't it?

2098
01:51:10,246 --> 01:51:12,289
It's like the final of
The X Factor or something.

2099
01:51:12,457 --> 01:51:14,500
Dial 0-1 if you
want it to be Mark

2100
01:51:14,584 --> 01:51:16,543
and 0-2 if you want
it to be Jack! (LAUGHS)

2101
01:51:17,253 --> 01:51:18,504
(SIGHS)

2102
01:51:25,637 --> 01:51:26,637
(SIGHS)

2103
01:51:27,847 --> 01:51:29,056
(CHUCKLES)

2104
01:51:31,476 --> 01:51:32,476
Oh, good luck.

2105
01:51:32,644 --> 01:51:33,852
You, too.

2106
01:51:36,314 --> 01:51:37,564
(BABY COOING)

2107
01:51:40,443 --> 01:51:42,111
Please.
Thank you.

2108
01:51:44,531 --> 01:51:45,739
(DOOR CLOSES)

2109
01:51:46,783 --> 01:51:48,617
(COOING)

2110
01:51:53,623 --> 01:51:55,624
(CHURCH BELLS PEALING)

2111
01:52:28,867 --> 01:52:30,075
(SIGHS)

2112
01:53:03,067 --> 01:53:04,318
You look beautiful.

2113
01:53:04,569 --> 01:53:05,652
Thank you.

2114
01:53:06,321 --> 01:53:08,113
Hello, darling! Hello.

2115
01:53:09,199 --> 01:53:10,365
Hello.

2116
01:53:21,085 --> 01:53:22,294
Hello.

2117
01:53:22,837 --> 01:53:23,879
Hi.

2118
01:53:27,550 --> 01:53:29,301
We're really doing this.

2119
01:53:29,385 --> 01:53:31,845
(INHALES SHARPLY)
No going back now.

2120
01:53:32,180 --> 01:53:35,015
PRIEST: We are gathered here
to celebrate the union

2121
01:53:35,183 --> 01:53:39,436
of Bridget Rose Jones
and Mark Fitzwilliam Darcy.

2122
01:53:42,565 --> 01:53:44,983
And by the powers
vested in me,

2123
01:53:45,360 --> 01:53:48,153
I now pronounce you, finally,

2124
01:53:49,155 --> 01:53:51,198
husband and wife.

2125
01:53:51,950 --> 01:53:54,243
(APPLAUSE)

2126
01:53:56,538 --> 01:53:58,121
(ALL CHEERING)

2127
01:54:26,484 --> 01:54:27,860
(LAUGHS)

2128
01:54:30,822 --> 01:54:32,614
(BABY LAUGHING)

2129
01:54:34,284 --> 01:54:37,035
Jack, what on earth
are you doing with my son?

2130
01:54:38,121 --> 01:54:39,872
Well, don't leave me
alone with him again.

2131
01:54:39,956 --> 01:54:41,707
I have no idea
what I'm doing.

2132
01:54:42,333 --> 01:54:44,334
Is he traumatized?
(ALL LAUGH)

2133
01:54:48,965 --> 01:54:50,299
(GASPS) Oh!

2134
01:54:51,217 --> 01:54:54,469
Hello, William Jones-Darcy.

2135
01:54:54,637 --> 01:54:56,179
Are you ready?

2136
01:54:58,683 --> 01:55:01,143
Some champagne for you?
(GASPS) Yes, please.

2137
01:55:02,478 --> 01:55:09,318
BRIDGET: Dear Diary, and so, I,
Bridget Jones, am a singleton no more.

2138
01:55:09,652 --> 01:55:11,862
Married? Yes.

2139
01:55:12,030 --> 01:55:13,322
Smug?

2140
01:55:13,489 --> 01:55:17,618
Well, it's about time,
so maybe just a little.

2141
01:55:24,751 --> 01:55:26,126
(WIND WHOOSHES)

2142
01:55:26,377 --> 01:55:27,544
(GASPS)

2143
01:55:33,718 --> 01:55:36,011
(LAUGHING)