0 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org 1 00:00:48,246 --> 00:00:53,013 I've been searching for a long time 2 00:00:53,084 --> 00:00:57,987 To find someone to be mine 3 00:00:58,056 --> 00:01:02,117 I never thought you'd come along 4 00:01:03,395 --> 00:01:06,887 Now that you're here All my worries are gone 5 00:01:06,965 --> 00:01:10,731 Oh, sweet you 6 00:01:10,802 --> 00:01:14,067 Sweet you 7 00:01:14,139 --> 00:01:18,667 All of my dreams have all come true 8 00:01:18,743 --> 00:01:23,373 You're just the one I've been looking for 9 00:01:23,448 --> 00:01:27,908 You're just the one I've been looking for 10 00:01:27,986 --> 00:01:32,855 I didn't know how long it would take 11 00:01:32,924 --> 00:01:37,088 But good things come to those who wait 12 00:01:37,162 --> 00:01:42,361 Now I can't ask for any thing more 13 00:01:42,434 --> 00:01:46,200 You're everything I've been looking for 14 00:01:47,372 --> 00:01:49,738 Sweet you 15 00:01:49,808 --> 00:01:52,072 Sweet you 16 00:01:52,143 --> 00:01:56,204 Nobody, nobody, nobody will ever do 17 00:01:57,649 --> 00:02:00,743 You're just the one I've been looking for 18 00:02:02,821 --> 00:02:06,222 You're just the one I've been looking for 19 00:02:06,291 --> 00:02:10,990 Nights were dark Days got longer 20 00:02:11,062 --> 00:02:15,260 My mind was weak when my heart stayed strong 21 00:02:15,333 --> 00:02:19,736 Thenyou came along and rescued me 22 00:02:20,939 --> 00:02:24,841 Please don't you ever set me free 23 00:02:24,909 --> 00:02:27,935 Oh, no 24 00:02:30,982 --> 00:02:34,611 [ Vocalizing ] 25 00:02:34,686 --> 00:02:38,850 Sweet you Sweet you 26 00:02:38,923 --> 00:02:43,917 Nobody, nobody, nobody will ever do 27 00:02:45,363 --> 00:02:49,561 You're just the one I've been looking for 28 00:02:49,634 --> 00:02:54,071 You're just the one I've been looking for 29 00:02:54,139 --> 00:02:58,906 Nights were dark Days got longer 30 00:02:58,977 --> 00:03:03,744 My mind was weak when my heartstayedstrong 31 00:03:03,815 --> 00:03:07,876 Then you came along and rescued me 32 00:03:07,952 --> 00:03:12,889 Please don'tyou ever set me free 33 00:03:12,957 --> 00:03:14,891 Oh, no 34 00:03:19,998 --> 00:03:21,932 [ Vocalizing ] 35 00:03:24,402 --> 00:03:26,962 Synedyne technical support. This is Suzanne. How can I help you ? 36 00:03:27,038 --> 00:03:30,007 Synedyne technical support. This is Rachel. How can I help you ? 37 00:03:30,074 --> 00:03:32,599 This is Elliot. How can I help you ? 38 00:03:32,677 --> 00:03:34,611 Oh. [ Chuckles ] 39 00:03:34,679 --> 00:03:37,341 Oh, wow. Yeah, okay. 40 00:03:37,415 --> 00:03:41,217 Give me a second to find you here. My computer's running alittle slow today. 41 00:03:41,351 --> 00:03:43,717 Wake up, fella. Oh, there you are. 42 00:03:43,786 --> 00:03:48,553 Hey, you got yourself a model 5732, 128 megs of RAM, 27 gig hard drive. 43 00:03:48,625 --> 00:03:52,152 Good. Good. And you say that it hangs every time you try and print ? 44 00:03:52,228 --> 00:03:54,662 Wow. All right, no problem. 45 00:03:54,731 --> 00:03:57,359 Can you hold for two seconds ? 46 00:03:57,433 --> 00:04:00,698 Carol! Carol. 47 00:04:00,770 --> 00:04:04,866 I don't know what you,ve been told, little lady, but the rest of us start at 9:00. 48 00:04:04,941 --> 00:04:07,409 [Chuckling] 49 00:04:07,477 --> 00:04:09,570 I'm kidding. I'm just kidding. Good morning. 50 00:04:09,646 --> 00:04:12,240 Hey, Dan, my man ! What,s up, my bro ? 51 00:04:12,315 --> 00:04:16,081 Put it there. All right. Yeah. 52 00:04:16,152 --> 00:04:18,712 So, hoops today ? You and the guys up for some hoopage after work ? 53 00:04:18,788 --> 00:04:22,280 Uh, you know, we don't know yet, Elliot. I'm not sure yet, okay ? 54 00:04:22,358 --> 00:04:25,020 Oh, that,s cool, man. Just letme know, 'cause I'm there, bud. 55 00:04:25,094 --> 00:04:28,689 ,Cause I love the round ball. That's why they call me "Air Elliot." 56 00:04:29,832 --> 00:04:32,164 - [ Imitating Crowd Cheering ] - Okay. 57 00:04:32,235 --> 00:04:35,830 Well, you know, make sure that you let me know the right time, 58 00:04:35,905 --> 00:04:39,204 ,cause last week you said 6:30, and when I got there you guys were just leaving. 59 00:04:39,275 --> 00:04:43,143 - How stupid did you feel ? - Pretty stupid, Elliot. 60 00:04:43,212 --> 00:04:45,646 Not a problem, Danny. Give it up. 61 00:04:45,715 --> 00:04:48,377 - [Man] Hey, Daniel. - Hey, man, how you doing ? 62 00:04:52,822 --> 00:04:55,017 Hey, Bob. 63 00:04:55,091 --> 00:04:57,025 - What,s up ? - Hey, Elliot. 64 00:04:57,093 --> 00:05:00,028 So, uh, you and your posse gonna hit the brewery tonight ? 65 00:05:00,096 --> 00:05:02,564 My posse ? No. 66 00:05:02,632 --> 00:05:05,658 Uh, they,re all busy with the big, uh-- 67 00:05:05,735 --> 00:05:09,899 - What,s wrong with your neck ? - Uh, nothing. It's repetitive stress disorder. 68 00:05:09,973 --> 00:05:15,434 It's a headset injury. What do you say you and me go knock back suds and check out the babes ? 69 00:05:15,511 --> 00:05:18,503 Elliot, I'm married, remember ? 70 00:05:18,581 --> 00:05:22,039 - I'm gonna go home and spend some time with my wife. - Ohhh. 71 00:05:22,118 --> 00:05:25,246 Taking a trip to Whipville. [ Imitates Whip Snapping ] 72 00:05:25,321 --> 00:05:27,482 Oooh. 73 00:05:27,557 --> 00:05:30,583 That just gets funnier every time you do that. 74 00:05:33,296 --> 00:05:36,026 - Don't-Don't-Don't-- - [Elliot] Hey, Jerry ! 75 00:05:36,099 --> 00:05:39,364 Jerry, Jerry, bo-berry Fee, fie, fo-ferry, Jerry 76 00:05:39,435 --> 00:05:42,404 - What,s happening, brother ? - Uh, running to an important meeting. 77 00:05:42,472 --> 00:05:46,636 Oh, yeah ? I think you're gonna appreciate this 'cause we're both stereo component nuts. 78 00:05:46,709 --> 00:05:49,872 - Check these out, homes. These are the new Ingebritzens. - Right. 79 00:05:49,946 --> 00:05:53,814 XVC speakers. Here, lookit. That,s the back of the left speaker. 80 00:05:53,883 --> 00:05:56,351 - And here,s the front of the right speaker. - Sweet, sweet. 81 00:05:56,419 --> 00:05:58,649 That,s the front of the left-- No, that's the right speaker. 82 00:06:06,295 --> 00:06:08,229 - I think-- Oh, man ! - [Dan] What ? 83 00:06:08,297 --> 00:06:13,792 - It's Elliot. Who told hi m we were here ? - Oh ! 84 00:06:19,108 --> 00:06:21,042 Hi. 85 00:06:21,110 --> 00:06:23,544 You guys. 86 00:06:26,015 --> 00:06:28,950 Well, well, well, isn't this a big surprise ? 87 00:06:29,018 --> 00:06:31,077 I thought everybody was busy. 88 00:06:31,154 --> 00:06:35,284 - Uh, slight change of plans, Elliot. - Oh, is that right ? 89 00:06:35,358 --> 00:06:37,326 Well, I'm a little bit peeved at you guys. 90 00:06:37,393 --> 00:06:41,295 I'm thinking you tried to ditch me. I'm thinking I might not even sit down with you. 91 00:06:41,364 --> 00:06:43,355 - We can understand that. See you tomorrow. - Later, Elliot. 92 00:06:43,433 --> 00:06:45,993 I'm kidding. 93 00:06:46,069 --> 00:06:48,867 - Wanna switch places with me ? - No, I'm fine. 94 00:06:56,412 --> 00:06:59,245 Oh, my goodness gracious. 95 00:06:59,315 --> 00:07:01,715 [Dan Chuckling] You've got to be kidding me. 96 00:07:01,784 --> 00:07:05,880 [Bob] Please, please don't tell me you have a thing for Alison Gardner. Please. 97 00:07:05,955 --> 00:07:07,889 [Jerry] You're way out of your league. 98 00:07:07,957 --> 00:07:10,551 [Carol] Plant life is out of his-- Isn't she dating that guy, uh, uh, in research ? 99 00:07:10,626 --> 00:07:14,562 Brian, with the teeth-- Brad, Brian-- the guy with the teeth. 100 00:07:14,630 --> 00:07:16,894 No, that,s been over for three months now. 101 00:07:16,966 --> 00:07:19,594 - Oh, yeah ? How do you know ? - I know a lot of things about her. 102 00:07:19,669 --> 00:07:24,072 I know-- I know that she likes her bagels buttered, but not toasted. 103 00:07:24,140 --> 00:07:26,005 - Wow. - How specific. 104 00:07:26,075 --> 00:07:28,908 I know that she looks beautiful in any color, 105 00:07:28,978 --> 00:07:31,776 but when she wears blue-- 106 00:07:31,848 --> 00:07:35,511 - [Dan] Mm-mm-mm. - Sounds like you guys are old friends. 107 00:07:35,585 --> 00:07:38,782 Well, we have been working at the same company for four years now. 108 00:07:38,855 --> 00:07:41,688 You spend that much time together, you get to know each other. 109 00:07:41,758 --> 00:07:45,922 So it should be really no problem for you to just get up, walk over and say hello to her. 110 00:07:45,995 --> 00:07:48,964 - She,s with somebody. I'll catch up with her tomorrow. - Yeah. Oh ! 111 00:07:49,031 --> 00:07:52,091 Come on, Elliot. Come clean here. 112 00:07:52,168 --> 00:07:56,605 - You have never spoken to Alison Gardner, right ? - Of course I have. 113 00:07:56,672 --> 00:07:59,106 - Did I say "queer" earlier ? - Oh, you are pathetic, Elliot. 114 00:07:59,175 --> 00:08:01,200 Really, you're pathetic. 115 00:08:01,277 --> 00:08:05,680 Okay. I guess you guys are just not gonna let me relax until I go over there and say hello. 116 00:08:05,748 --> 00:08:08,308 - [ All Murmuring Agreement ] - Wow. That'll make you happy ? 117 00:08:08,384 --> 00:08:10,716 You think I'm pathetic ? 118 00:08:12,288 --> 00:08:15,018 - Don't touch me. - [Carol] Go for it, tiger. 119 00:08:15,091 --> 00:08:17,025 Goodluck. 120 00:08:22,198 --> 00:08:24,564 I'm gonna go. See you later. 121 00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:28,764 - Hi. - Hi. Do I know you ? 122 00:08:28,838 --> 00:08:30,772 Oh, I should hope so. 123 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:34,742 Uh, we,ve only been working together at Synedyne for the last four years. 124 00:08:34,811 --> 00:08:39,043 I'm Elliot Richards. We-We've spoken. 125 00:08:39,115 --> 00:08:41,640 I'm sorry. I -I don't-- 126 00:08:41,717 --> 00:08:44,743 It was the first week of June three years ago. 127 00:08:44,821 --> 00:08:47,415 I said it was "wet out." 128 00:08:47,490 --> 00:08:50,755 We were standing in the lobby and I said it was "really wet out." 129 00:08:50,827 --> 00:08:54,695 - It was raining at the time. - I assumed that. 130 00:08:56,332 --> 00:08:58,300 Yeah. 131 00:09:01,237 --> 00:09:04,229 So, here we are talking again. 132 00:09:04,307 --> 00:09:06,241 Yeah. 133 00:09:06,309 --> 00:09:09,801 Uh, well, take it easy. 134 00:09:15,218 --> 00:09:19,814 You know, I'm here with some friends and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to-- 135 00:09:34,070 --> 00:09:38,234 Dear God, I would give anything to have that girl in my life. 136 00:09:38,307 --> 00:09:42,744 [ Tone Loc's "Wild Thing"] 137 00:10:20,549 --> 00:10:22,915 - Hi. - Hello. 138 00:10:23,986 --> 00:10:27,854 Uh, I was wondering if, uh, this is-- 139 00:10:27,924 --> 00:10:31,985 Uh, I was standing over there and the-- 140 00:10:32,061 --> 00:10:35,155 You're very glib. I bet you're a whiz with the ladies. 141 00:10:35,231 --> 00:10:38,428 - Well-- - You here alone ? 142 00:10:38,501 --> 00:10:41,629 No, uh, I'm here with some buddies from work-- 143 00:10:41,704 --> 00:10:45,572 - I saw you talking to a woman. - Um-- 144 00:10:45,641 --> 00:10:48,838 Yeah, yeah. But... I'm not with her. 145 00:10:48,911 --> 00:10:51,505 But you'd like to be, huh ? 146 00:10:51,580 --> 00:10:54,674 - What makes you say that ? - Oh, I don't know. 147 00:10:54,750 --> 00:10:58,151 When a man says he'd give anything to have a certain woman in his life, 148 00:10:58,220 --> 00:11:00,279 I just assume she means something to him. 149 00:11:00,356 --> 00:11:03,675 How did you hear me say that ? I was standing all the way over-- 150 00:11:03,809 --> 00:11:07,575 I have fantastic hearing, and a number of other equally impressive talents. 151 00:11:14,486 --> 00:11:17,114 Ho-doggie ! 152 00:11:17,189 --> 00:11:20,750 Let's go some place quiet so we can talk. 153 00:11:23,762 --> 00:11:27,129 Um, okay. You-- What ? You wanna talk to me ? 154 00:11:27,199 --> 00:11:30,965 Is that a problem ? You're not attracted to me ? 155 00:11:31,036 --> 00:11:33,903 Uh, no. 156 00:11:33,972 --> 00:11:36,236 I think you're hot. 157 00:11:36,308 --> 00:11:38,833 Baby, you have no idea. 158 00:11:45,150 --> 00:11:48,483 - Kiss me. - What ? Here ? 159 00:11:48,553 --> 00:11:51,488 Don't be afraid to explore new horizons. 160 00:11:52,691 --> 00:11:54,625 Um-- 161 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,459 Can you give us two seconds, girls ? 162 00:12:03,535 --> 00:12:06,129 Yeah, can you give us two seconds ? 163 00:12:06,204 --> 00:12:08,570 Sure. Whatever. 164 00:12:11,943 --> 00:12:15,242 Listen. Whoo ! 165 00:12:15,313 --> 00:12:17,304 [ Exhales ] You seem really nice... 166 00:12:17,382 --> 00:12:20,613 in a strong, scary kind of a way. 167 00:12:20,685 --> 00:12:23,711 But my friends are, uh, probably waiting for me, 168 00:12:23,789 --> 00:12:26,917 so, I'm-- I'm gonna just get going. 169 00:12:26,992 --> 00:12:29,392 You,re so nervous, Elliot. 170 00:12:29,461 --> 00:12:31,395 How do you know my name ? 171 00:12:31,463 --> 00:12:34,660 I'm psychic. Plus, it's on your name tag. 172 00:12:35,967 --> 00:12:37,901 Duh. 173 00:12:37,969 --> 00:12:41,029 Now, then, Ijust wanna talk business for a second. 174 00:12:41,106 --> 00:12:45,270 Oh, um, I'm not into that. 175 00:12:45,343 --> 00:12:48,073 I mean, I -- I've never paid for sex before. 176 00:12:48,146 --> 00:12:50,774 Except this one time. It was an Internet thing. 177 00:12:50,849 --> 00:12:53,716 You can't help it. Every time you sign on, it's sex, sex, sex. 178 00:12:53,785 --> 00:12:56,515 I'm not a hooker, you silly boy. I just wanna ask you a question. 179 00:12:56,588 --> 00:12:59,989 How would you like to make one simple decision... 180 00:13:00,058 --> 00:13:02,549 that'll change your life forever ? 181 00:13:04,162 --> 00:13:06,722 Okay, I'm glad Scientology works for you, but-- 182 00:13:06,798 --> 00:13:08,732 Just listen. 183 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,826 What if I told you that I had the cataclysmic power... 184 00:13:11,903 --> 00:13:15,737 to give you anything and everything you've always dreamed of ? 185 00:13:16,875 --> 00:13:20,504 - Who are you ? - Promise not to tell anyone ? 186 00:13:20,579 --> 00:13:22,479 Okay. 187 00:13:22,547 --> 00:13:25,539 Cross your heart and hope to die ? 188 00:13:25,617 --> 00:13:27,778 Yeah. 189 00:13:30,155 --> 00:13:32,589 I'm the Devil. 190 00:13:36,261 --> 00:13:38,195 Okay. 191 00:13:38,263 --> 00:13:41,562 I think somebody's had "tee many martoonis." 192 00:13:41,633 --> 00:13:45,933 I am the Devil, Satan, Lucifer, Beelzebub, the Prince of Darkness. 193 00:13:46,004 --> 00:13:48,438 Well, the Princess of Darkness, anyway. 194 00:13:48,507 --> 00:13:50,702 Here,s my card. 195 00:13:50,775 --> 00:13:53,403 Oh. 196 00:13:53,478 --> 00:13:57,574 "The Devil." Yep. That explains it. 197 00:13:57,649 --> 00:14:00,482 Now I believe you. 198 00:14:00,552 --> 00:14:02,417 Night-night. 199 00:14:04,656 --> 00:14:08,148 - [ Screams ] - You're a very skeptical person, you know that ? 200 00:14:08,226 --> 00:14:11,787 How did you-- How did you just-- And you-- 201 00:14:11,863 --> 00:14:13,854 - What's-- - Look. 202 00:14:13,932 --> 00:14:16,457 I fyou could just buy into this whole "I'm the Devil" thing, 203 00:14:16,535 --> 00:14:18,799 it'll save us both a lot of these questions. 204 00:14:18,870 --> 00:14:21,430 Maybe I should call you a cab. 205 00:14:21,506 --> 00:14:24,737 Although it's gonna be hard to find one that'll go to Hell this time of night. 206 00:14:24,809 --> 00:14:27,437 Ooh, what a delightfully piquant wit. 207 00:14:27,512 --> 00:14:30,743 I can see we're gonna get along famously. 208 00:14:30,815 --> 00:14:34,148 Cheers, darling. 209 00:14:34,219 --> 00:14:36,915 What are-- You can't-- Look at-- 210 00:14:36,988 --> 00:14:39,980 Geez ! 211 00:14:40,058 --> 00:14:43,118 You can't do that. That's very dangerous. 212 00:14:43,195 --> 00:14:46,164 Listen here. Why is this so hard for you to believe ? 213 00:14:46,231 --> 00:14:50,167 Do you think your mommy and daddy just made me up so you'd be a good boy ? 214 00:14:50,235 --> 00:14:52,795 Okay, okay, you're the Devil. What do you want with me ? 215 00:14:52,871 --> 00:14:56,204 I want you to be happy, Elliot. You have such potential. 216 00:14:56,274 --> 00:14:58,834 All you need is a little push in the right direction. 217 00:14:58,910 --> 00:15:01,777 - I am happy. - Oh, please. 218 00:15:01,846 --> 00:15:06,647 You don't have to lie to me. I know every dark thought in your tiny little mind. 219 00:15:06,718 --> 00:15:09,881 I know that every night you go home to your horrible little apartment... 220 00:15:09,955 --> 00:15:13,447 and you eat your little frozen dinner and you make your little bowl of popcorn... 221 00:15:13,525 --> 00:15:17,518 and you watch TV and you can't keep your eyes open anymore. 222 00:15:17,596 --> 00:15:19,928 And then you crawl off to bed... 223 00:15:19,998 --> 00:15:23,297 and wonder why you're alone and nobody likes you. 224 00:15:25,136 --> 00:15:29,197 - Not every night. - And you cry. 225 00:15:31,977 --> 00:15:33,911 Yeah, sure. 226 00:15:35,413 --> 00:15:39,873 I know what's in your heart, Elliot. You could cry right now. 227 00:15:44,623 --> 00:15:48,821 I'm talking about reinvention. Taking control of your destiny. 228 00:15:48,927 --> 00:15:52,658 You wanna be liked ? You wanna be loved ? 229 00:15:52,731 --> 00:15:54,699 How about respected ? 230 00:15:54,766 --> 00:15:57,200 How about feared ? 231 00:16:00,071 --> 00:16:02,733 What exactly are we talking about ? 232 00:16:02,807 --> 00:16:06,709 You wanna see how it works, baby ? Wish for something. 233 00:16:06,778 --> 00:16:08,712 - Like what ? - Whatever you want. 234 00:16:08,780 --> 00:16:11,374 It's yours. Just say the word. 235 00:16:11,449 --> 00:16:13,917 Okay, I ... 236 00:16:13,985 --> 00:16:16,647 wish I had a Big Mac and a large Coke. 237 00:16:17,889 --> 00:16:19,823 It is done. 238 00:16:20,925 --> 00:16:24,827 [ "Wild Thing"] 239 00:16:24,896 --> 00:16:27,330 Hi, how are you doing ? What can I get you ? 240 00:16:27,399 --> 00:16:30,596 - A Big Mac and a large Coke. - Fries ? 241 00:16:30,669 --> 00:16:34,730 - No. - Comes to $3.47. 242 00:16:36,107 --> 00:16:38,701 Do you have $3.47 ? 243 00:16:38,777 --> 00:16:41,143 I left my purse in the underworld. 244 00:16:41,212 --> 00:16:46,582 Oh, yes ! This truly is the work of the Devil. 245 00:16:46,651 --> 00:16:49,814 And to think that I doubted you. I'm gonna go now. 246 00:16:49,888 --> 00:16:54,257 - What's the problem ? - This doesn't prove anything ! 247 00:16:54,326 --> 00:16:57,420 I could have done this myself. I even had to pay for it. 248 00:16:57,495 --> 00:17:01,192 There's no such thing as a free lunch. Didn't anyone ever tell you that ? 249 00:17:01,266 --> 00:17:04,531 - I didn't even get any fries ! - Oh, I don't believe this. 250 00:17:04,602 --> 00:17:09,562 I'm offering you the opportunity of a lifetime and all you can do is moan about French fries ? 251 00:17:09,641 --> 00:17:11,939 - Good night. - Fine. Okay. 252 00:17:12,010 --> 00:17:15,411 I'm obviously not getting through to you, so let's just forget it. 253 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:18,881 Come. I'll give you a lift back to your car. 254 00:17:20,385 --> 00:17:22,319 That's your car ? 255 00:17:22,387 --> 00:17:24,321 [Engine Revving] 256 00:17:34,599 --> 00:17:37,932 [ Horn Honking ] 257 00:17:57,655 --> 00:17:59,919 [ Truck Horn Honking ] 258 00:18:01,025 --> 00:18:02,925 Hey, hey ! 259 00:18:04,963 --> 00:18:07,261 [ Woman ] There's Elliot ! 260 00:18:07,332 --> 00:18:10,267 [ People Shouting, Clamoring ] 261 00:18:10,335 --> 00:18:13,634 Elliot, right here. Right here, Elliot. 262 00:18:16,875 --> 00:18:18,809 Where are we ? 263 00:18:18,877 --> 00:18:21,539 Just a little after-hours club I own. 264 00:18:21,613 --> 00:18:24,776 We better get in there. Everyone's waiting for you. 265 00:18:24,849 --> 00:18:27,682 - Everyone who ? - All your friends. 266 00:18:27,752 --> 00:18:30,619 How are you doing, Mr. Richards ? 267 00:18:33,158 --> 00:18:36,252 [ Techno Dance ] 268 00:18:52,644 --> 00:18:54,805 Hey, hey, Elliot. 269 00:18:54,879 --> 00:18:57,643 - No way. This is your club ? - Sure is. 270 00:18:57,715 --> 00:18:59,683 Wow ! 271 00:19:00,752 --> 00:19:03,050 [ All Shouting ] Elliot ! 272 00:19:05,657 --> 00:19:07,591 Hello, Elliot. 273 00:19:07,659 --> 00:19:09,752 - Hello. - Elliot, dance with me first. 274 00:19:09,828 --> 00:19:12,194 - No, Elliot, dance with me. - He's dancing with me first. 275 00:19:12,263 --> 00:19:16,131 - You can dance with me. - [ Devil ] That's enough. Break it up. He belongs to me. 276 00:19:16,201 --> 00:19:19,170 Hey, Elliot, how the hell are you ? Somebody take a picture of me and Elliot. 277 00:19:19,237 --> 00:19:21,728 - Hold it. - Excel lent. 278 00:19:21,806 --> 00:19:25,674 - Hi, Elliot. - [ Devil ] Ooh. 279 00:19:27,545 --> 00:19:29,911 I think she likes you too. 280 00:19:29,981 --> 00:19:32,779 - You hungry ? - Sort of. 281 00:19:32,851 --> 00:19:36,480 - Look. - Wow. These look just like the cookies my grandma used to bake. 282 00:19:36,554 --> 00:19:39,546 - Try one. - Okay. 283 00:19:39,624 --> 00:19:43,856 - These are the cookies my grandma used to bake ! - I aim to please, handsome. 284 00:19:43,928 --> 00:19:46,605 - Come on. - How did you-- 285 00:19:47,940 --> 00:19:50,670 - You liked that, didn't you ? - What, the cookie ? 286 00:19:50,743 --> 00:19:54,474 Having all those people excited to see you. 287 00:19:54,546 --> 00:19:56,673 It's nice to feel accepted, isn't it ? 288 00:19:56,749 --> 00:19:58,717 I can give you that. 289 00:19:58,784 --> 00:20:01,685 I can make the whole world love you. 290 00:20:01,754 --> 00:20:03,984 - Come on. - You still don't believe me. 291 00:20:04,056 --> 00:20:06,718 - Do you ? - Of course not. 292 00:20:06,792 --> 00:20:10,284 First of all, you look nothing like the Devil. 293 00:20:10,362 --> 00:20:13,695 Oh, really ? I suppose I could have gone this way. 294 00:20:16,168 --> 00:20:19,262 - [ Screams ] - But it's so "trick or treat." 295 00:20:19,338 --> 00:20:23,069 It's true. You really are the Devil. 296 00:20:23,142 --> 00:20:26,578 Oh. Come on, baby. Come and sit down. 297 00:20:26,645 --> 00:20:30,046 I know this has all been horribly overwhelming for you. 298 00:20:30,115 --> 00:20:32,948 - Can I ask you a question ? - Sure you can. 299 00:20:33,018 --> 00:20:36,181 You can ask me anything you like, as long as you don't ask me if there's a God. 300 00:20:36,255 --> 00:20:40,157 I get that one all the time. It drives me absolutely bonkers. 301 00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:43,528 Yes, there's a God. 302 00:20:43,595 --> 00:20:46,257 Really ? Well, what's He like ? 303 00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:49,768 You know, you'd think that meeting the Devil would be interesting enough, 304 00:20:49,835 --> 00:20:52,360 but no, all people want to know about is Him. 305 00:20:52,438 --> 00:20:54,372 Like He's so bloody fascinating. 306 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,534 - So, He's a man ? - Yeah. Most men think they're God. 307 00:20:57,609 --> 00:20:59,543 This one just happens to be right. 308 00:20:59,611 --> 00:21:01,545 Now listen, darling. 309 00:21:01,613 --> 00:21:06,482 I don't wanna pressure you, but why don't we take a teensy little look at the contract ? 310 00:21:07,553 --> 00:21:10,113 [ Groaning ] 311 00:21:13,125 --> 00:21:17,152 This is pretty-- Um-- 312 00:21:17,229 --> 00:21:21,666 " I, Elliot Richards, hereafter known as the Damned--" 313 00:21:21,734 --> 00:21:24,726 -"The Damned" ? -How about "the Darned" ? Sound better ? 314 00:21:24,803 --> 00:21:28,705 Don't get hung up on the language, darling. There's nothing sinister here. 315 00:21:28,774 --> 00:21:31,334 It's all standard boilerplate. 316 00:21:31,410 --> 00:21:36,746 Paragraph one states that I, the Devil, a not-for-profit cooperation... 317 00:21:36,815 --> 00:21:39,784 with offices in Purgatory, Hell and Los Angeles, will give you seven wishes... 318 00:21:39,852 --> 00:21:42,286 to use as you see fit. 319 00:21:42,354 --> 00:21:44,652 Seven ? Why not eight ? 320 00:21:44,723 --> 00:21:48,352 Why not six ? I don't know. Seven just sounds right. 321 00:21:48,427 --> 00:21:51,692 Paragraph two outlines the manner in which you'll pay for the aforementioned wishes. 322 00:21:51,764 --> 00:21:55,165 [ Mumbling ] What ? Are you kidding ? I have to give you my soul ? 323 00:21:55,234 --> 00:21:59,637 - After you've had your wishes, of course. - But it's my soul ! 324 00:21:59,705 --> 00:22:03,402 - I can't give you my soul ! - What are you, James Brown ? 325 00:22:03,475 --> 00:22:06,137 What's the big deal ? Have you ever seen your soul ? 326 00:22:06,211 --> 00:22:10,341 - Do you even know what it is ? - Of course. It's the thing that-- that-- 327 00:22:11,583 --> 00:22:13,642 No, that's the-- It floats around-- 328 00:22:13,719 --> 00:22:16,017 Can I tell you something ? 329 00:22:16,088 --> 00:22:18,579 Souls are overrated. 330 00:22:18,657 --> 00:22:22,423 They don't really do anything. Has yours done anything for you so far ? 331 00:22:22,494 --> 00:22:26,555 No. It's like your appendix. You'll never even miss it. 332 00:22:26,632 --> 00:22:29,863 Yeah, well, if it's so useless, then how come you want it so much ? 333 00:22:29,935 --> 00:22:32,335 Ooh, aren't you the clever one ? 334 00:22:32,404 --> 00:22:36,204 Look, who's really making out on this deal here ? 335 00:22:36,275 --> 00:22:41,076 Seven utterly fabulous wishes for one piddling little soul ? 336 00:22:41,146 --> 00:22:43,080 Well, I don't know. 337 00:22:43,148 --> 00:22:45,412 What have we here ? 338 00:22:50,489 --> 00:22:53,549 But who is that ? Alison ? 339 00:22:55,027 --> 00:22:57,086 How did you-- 340 00:22:57,162 --> 00:22:59,790 She is so beautiful. 341 00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:04,535 - I've been waiting for you for so long. - Who's that ? 342 00:23:04,603 --> 00:23:07,766 - Who's she with ? - I want you now, my love. 343 00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,570 - Why are you showing me this ? - I'm yours forever, my darling. 344 00:23:10,642 --> 00:23:13,668 - [ Gasps ] - Oh, I love your hair like that. 345 00:23:13,745 --> 00:23:16,680 You must go through conditioner like crazy. 346 00:23:17,983 --> 00:23:21,077 - Is this real ? - It could be. 347 00:23:21,153 --> 00:23:23,451 All you have to do is sign. 348 00:23:23,522 --> 00:23:27,549 - And you promise I'll get her ? - It's really up to you. You're the one with the wishes. 349 00:23:27,626 --> 00:23:31,926 But I promise I'll do everything in my power. 350 00:23:31,997 --> 00:23:33,931 Sign it, Elliot. 351 00:23:43,308 --> 00:23:47,438 Please, Elliot. I'm waiting. [ Echoing ] 352 00:23:51,450 --> 00:23:54,385 [ Echoing Continues ] 353 00:24:09,568 --> 00:24:11,729 [ Wind Howling ] 354 00:24:11,803 --> 00:24:13,998 - [ Thunderclap ] - Great ! 355 00:24:14,072 --> 00:24:17,337 Now, before you start wishing, you'll be needing this. 356 00:24:17,409 --> 00:24:20,401 If for any reason your wish isn't going the way you hoped, 357 00:24:20,479 --> 00:24:23,573 just take out the pager, hit 666... 358 00:24:23,649 --> 00:24:25,947 and it'll bring you right back to me. 359 00:24:26,018 --> 00:24:29,784 Why wouldn't it go the way that I'd hoped ? 360 00:24:29,855 --> 00:24:32,483 Oh, I was just throwing that out as a "for instance." 361 00:24:32,558 --> 00:24:35,994 Every wish is gonna be 100% fabulous. 362 00:24:36,061 --> 00:24:39,792 But you'll find that out as soon as you make one. 363 00:24:39,865 --> 00:24:42,095 So, I should make one now ? 364 00:24:42,167 --> 00:24:45,728 Well, if you don't mind. I've got places to go, 365 00:24:45,804 --> 00:24:49,137 people to condemn to an eternity of fiery torment. 366 00:24:49,208 --> 00:24:52,507 Okay. Um, let me think. 367 00:24:52,578 --> 00:24:55,809 - I wanna be married to Alison. - You got it. 368 00:24:55,881 --> 00:24:58,406 Um, that's not all. I wanna be rich. 369 00:24:58,483 --> 00:25:01,452 - Always a popular choice. - That's not all. 370 00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:05,650 I wanna be very rich and very powerful. 371 00:25:05,724 --> 00:25:09,353 Oh, even better. Remember, you have to say "I wish." 372 00:25:09,428 --> 00:25:11,396 Right. 373 00:25:11,463 --> 00:25:14,557 I wish that I were married to Alison... 374 00:25:14,633 --> 00:25:17,329 and that I were very, very rich and very powerful. 375 00:25:17,402 --> 00:25:20,098 - How,s that sound ? - Sounds good to me. 376 00:25:20,172 --> 00:25:22,766 Enjoy. 377 00:25:22,941 --> 00:25:24,875 [Flamenco] 378 00:25:24,943 --> 00:25:27,878 [Man Singing In Spanish] 379 00:26:27,939 --> 00:26:30,874 [ Continues ] 380 00:26:34,846 --> 00:26:38,782 [ Screaming ] 381 00:26:49,928 --> 00:26:52,522 [ Speaking Spanish ] 382 00:27:02,207 --> 00:27:03,902 Que diablos ! 383 00:28:06,505 --> 00:28:09,303 [ U proarious Laughter ] 384 00:28:32,374 --> 00:28:34,672 - Bueno. - Roberto. 385 00:28:40,149 --> 00:28:41,707 Si. 386 00:28:58,634 --> 00:29:00,568 [Man Shouts In Spanish] 387 00:29:35,304 --> 00:29:38,865 [ Screams, Shouts In Spanish ] 388 00:29:42,211 --> 00:29:46,739 Corazon. Corazon ! 389 00:30:03,632 --> 00:30:07,500 I am is to visiting in the Los Angeles... 390 00:30:07,569 --> 00:30:11,130 for the time of vacations. 391 00:30:34,997 --> 00:30:37,625 [ Speaking In Spanish ] 392 00:30:39,001 --> 00:30:41,299 [Man] 393 00:30:53,916 --> 00:30:56,476 Idiota ! 394 00:30:56,552 --> 00:30:58,611 [ Whimpering ] 395 00:30:59,922 --> 00:31:02,413 Jefe. 396 00:31:51,974 --> 00:31:54,135 [ Speaking In Spanish ] 397 00:31:59,882 --> 00:32:02,043 [ Shouts ] 398 00:32:02,117 --> 00:32:04,244 Corazon. 399 00:32:04,319 --> 00:32:06,048 [Screams] 400 00:33:33,242 --> 00:33:35,403 [ Gasps ] Es cocaina ! 401 00:34:05,474 --> 00:34:08,238 [ Speaking Russian ] 402 00:34:58,093 --> 00:35:01,426 [ Laughing ] 403 00:35:03,632 --> 00:35:05,930 Alejandro ? 404 00:35:06,001 --> 00:35:09,903 -Alejandro ? Roberto ? Esteban ? - [ Sighs ] 405 00:35:09,972 --> 00:35:12,941 [Raoul Chuckling] 406 00:36:18,373 --> 00:36:20,967 [ Chuckling, Gasps ] 407 00:36:21,043 --> 00:36:24,012 [ Screaming ] 408 00:36:32,554 --> 00:36:35,114 Seis, seis, seis. 409 00:36:35,190 --> 00:36:38,284 [ Screaming ] 410 00:36:40,829 --> 00:36:44,230 - [ Groaning ] - Back so soon ? 411 00:36:44,299 --> 00:36:47,029 [ Groaning ] 412 00:36:50,572 --> 00:36:54,668 You turned me i nto a drug dealer. They almost killed me. 413 00:36:54,743 --> 00:36:57,940 - You asked for rich and powerful. - Not like that. 414 00:36:58,013 --> 00:37:02,541 Goes with the territory, babe. Root of all evil. Ring any bells ? 415 00:37:02,617 --> 00:37:06,883 -What about Alison ? What got into her ? -I think it was Raoul. 416 00:37:06,955 --> 00:37:09,480 Yeah ! That's not what I wished for. 417 00:37:09,558 --> 00:37:13,494 Well, hold on now, mister. You wished that the two of you were married. 418 00:37:13,562 --> 00:37:16,395 You didn't say anything about her loving you. 419 00:37:16,465 --> 00:37:19,298 Well, you know, when two people get married, I assume that-- 420 00:37:19,367 --> 00:37:23,360 There's your mistake. May I suggest something ? 421 00:37:23,438 --> 00:37:26,737 - What ? - The rich and powerful thing wasn't really the way to go. 422 00:37:26,808 --> 00:37:30,073 Everyone wishes for that first thing out of the gate and it never pans out. 423 00:37:30,145 --> 00:37:32,238 - Really ? - The fact of the matter is... 424 00:37:32,314 --> 00:37:35,750 women aren't really attracted to wealth and power. 425 00:37:35,817 --> 00:37:38,251 - They're not ? - No, of course not. 426 00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:40,811 They couldn't give a fig for all that rubbish. 427 00:37:40,889 --> 00:37:43,983 What you need to figure out is what she does want in a man. 428 00:37:44,059 --> 00:37:45,993 How do I find that out ? 429 00:37:46,061 --> 00:37:47,446 Easy. 430 00:37:47,446 --> 00:37:48,140 Easy. 431 00:37:49,815 --> 00:37:51,874 [Horns Honking] 432 00:37:56,555 --> 00:37:58,921 I'm not with her ! 433 00:38:02,328 --> 00:38:05,729 - Where are we ? -A place you never would have seen without my help. 434 00:38:05,798 --> 00:38:07,891 Welcome to Alison's bedroom. 435 00:38:07,967 --> 00:38:11,994 - [ Meows ] - We can't be in here. This is breaking and entering. 436 00:38:12,071 --> 00:38:14,005 I know. It's fun, isn't it ? 437 00:38:14,073 --> 00:38:17,804 I'm sure we're gonna find the answer somewhere around here. 438 00:38:17,877 --> 00:38:20,846 - What if Alison catches us ? - Don't worry. 439 00:38:20,913 --> 00:38:22,847 She won't be able to see you. 440 00:38:22,915 --> 00:38:27,045 - Besides, she's in the shower... naked. - [Shower Running] 441 00:38:27,119 --> 00:38:30,748 Right behind that door. Go on. Go ahead. Take a peep. 442 00:38:30,823 --> 00:38:34,281 - No ! - Oh, come on. We both know you want to. 443 00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:36,590 You must think that I'm really perverted, don't you ? 444 00:38:36,662 --> 00:38:40,530 That's what you think. You think I'm some sad, desperate, twisted, pathetic loser. 445 00:38:40,599 --> 00:38:44,433 - Yes. - Well, in that case, maybe I'll just take a quick look. 446 00:38:44,503 --> 00:38:48,872 Focus, Elliot. Remember, we're here to find out what kind of man she wants. 447 00:38:48,941 --> 00:38:52,468 - How are we gonna do that ? - Well, she keeps a journal. 448 00:38:52,545 --> 00:38:55,844 Aha. And here it is. 449 00:38:55,915 --> 00:38:58,816 Right. I should be able to find some information in here you'll find useful. 450 00:38:58,884 --> 00:39:02,547 - Hey, that's private stuff. - Is it ever. Listen to this. 451 00:39:02,621 --> 00:39:05,818 " Last night was the most incredible night of my life. 452 00:39:05,891 --> 00:39:09,884 " I never did find out any of the guys' names, but I brought them back here... 453 00:39:09,962 --> 00:39:12,988 " and all five of them banged me like a Salvation Army drum. " 454 00:39:13,065 --> 00:39:16,933 - What ? -Just kidding. I could have been a writer. 455 00:39:17,002 --> 00:39:19,493 [ Gasps ] 456 00:39:22,708 --> 00:39:26,940 Hey, it's okay. She could bump into you and she wouldn't feel it. 457 00:39:27,012 --> 00:39:29,480 Now, this is good. 458 00:39:29,548 --> 00:39:33,279 [ Alison's Voice ] " I meet many attractive men who are interested in me, 459 00:39:33,352 --> 00:39:37,345 " and while many of them are handsome or clever or very successful, 460 00:39:37,423 --> 00:39:40,324 " I findmyself turning away from them... 461 00:39:40,392 --> 00:39:44,920 " and searching the horizon for someone else. 462 00:39:44,997 --> 00:39:47,397 " I don't know who he is or where I'll find him. 463 00:39:47,466 --> 00:39:51,903 " I only know that he is a sensitive man. 464 00:39:51,971 --> 00:39:55,134 " He's a man who is in touch with his emotions. 465 00:39:55,207 --> 00:39:58,574 " He's a man who's not afraid to share his fears, 466 00:39:58,644 --> 00:40:01,135 " his disappointments and his tears. 467 00:40:01,213 --> 00:40:03,681 Where are you, my sensitive man ? " 468 00:40:03,749 --> 00:40:05,774 [ Gasps ] 469 00:40:09,521 --> 00:40:12,012 [ Gasps ] 470 00:40:13,425 --> 00:40:16,326 Did you see that ? 471 00:40:16,395 --> 00:40:20,388 She passed right through me. We were one person for a split second, 472 00:40:20,466 --> 00:40:22,730 just like in Ghost. 473 00:40:22,801 --> 00:40:26,532 Darling, I've got an earthquake in Chile in eight minutes. Any chance of making a wish here ? 474 00:40:26,605 --> 00:40:30,006 Yes. I wish... 475 00:40:30,075 --> 00:40:32,509 I were the most sensitive man in the world. 476 00:40:32,578 --> 00:40:34,569 Right. Okay. 477 00:40:34,647 --> 00:40:39,710 Wait ! I wish I were the most emotionally sensitive man in the world. 478 00:40:39,785 --> 00:40:44,154 Damn. I was hoping you wouldn't catch that. I could have had a lot of fun with that one. 479 00:40:44,223 --> 00:40:47,750 - And I want her to love me. - Oh. You know what ? 480 00:40:47,826 --> 00:40:50,090 I have a great feeling about this. 481 00:40:50,162 --> 00:40:53,495 - You do ? - Yeah, but... what do I know, right ? 482 00:41:05,210 --> 00:41:07,770 - Hey. - I'm back, my love. 483 00:41:07,846 --> 00:41:11,145 - Where did you run off to ? - I went to make a garland of beach plums... 484 00:41:11,216 --> 00:41:14,242 to place atop your glorious head like a crown. 485 00:41:15,754 --> 00:41:18,882 But then I caught sight of that sunset and... 486 00:41:18,958 --> 00:41:21,791 I don't know, something stirred inside me... 487 00:41:21,860 --> 00:41:25,091 and I had to stop and weep. 488 00:41:25,164 --> 00:41:28,691 Mmm, it's beautiful. 489 00:41:28,767 --> 00:41:30,701 It is. 490 00:41:33,405 --> 00:41:35,600 - There I go again. - Tissue ? 491 00:41:35,674 --> 00:41:38,666 No, I never wipe my tears away. 492 00:41:38,744 --> 00:41:41,975 I'm not ashamed of them. I wear them proudly, 493 00:41:42,047 --> 00:41:45,710 like small, wet, salty badges of emotional truth. 494 00:41:45,784 --> 00:41:49,982 Elliot, um, there's something that I think that we should talk about. 495 00:41:50,055 --> 00:41:54,992 Um, we've been together for what, about three weeks now ? 496 00:41:55,060 --> 00:41:58,257 - Three magical weeks. - Three magical weeks. 497 00:41:58,330 --> 00:42:02,892 And I don't think that I've ever met a man who's been more in touch... 498 00:42:02,968 --> 00:42:06,870 - with his feelings. - I love you... so very much. 499 00:42:06,939 --> 00:42:09,134 I love you too. 500 00:42:12,378 --> 00:42:15,643 - [ Barking ] - Dudley ! Peter ! 501 00:42:17,216 --> 00:42:19,150 I'm sorry. They're such little devils. 502 00:42:19,218 --> 00:42:21,482 Come on, you naughty boys. See ya. 503 00:42:24,223 --> 00:42:26,487 I'm sorry. Are you okay ? 504 00:42:26,558 --> 00:42:29,755 Um, do you need comforting on any level ? 505 00:42:29,828 --> 00:42:31,762 No, no, no, I'm fine. 506 00:42:31,830 --> 00:42:36,028 Have I done or said anything to make you feel less good about you ? 507 00:42:36,101 --> 00:42:39,161 - No, no, no, I'm fine. - Would you like something to eat ? 508 00:42:39,238 --> 00:42:43,868 I made a salad nicoise with dolphin-safe tuna. 509 00:42:44,943 --> 00:42:47,377 Oh, wow. 510 00:42:52,451 --> 00:42:55,750 - What is it ? - It's that sunset again. 511 00:42:55,821 --> 00:43:00,918 And I worry about the dolphins. I wrote a song about them. Would you like to hear it ? 512 00:43:00,993 --> 00:43:03,860 Now ? I -I -- 513 00:43:03,929 --> 00:43:06,124 [ Sighs ] 514 00:43:06,198 --> 00:43:09,326 Mayo-nayo-naise 515 00:43:12,438 --> 00:43:17,899 Swimming by the sandy shore Dancing up among the waves 516 00:43:17,976 --> 00:43:20,774 Dolphin, dolphin I adore 517 00:43:20,846 --> 00:43:23,337 Everything you are 518 00:43:23,415 --> 00:43:26,316 You,re so much more than a fish to me 519 00:43:26,385 --> 00:43:29,286 My playful friend beneath the sea 520 00:43:29,354 --> 00:43:32,721 [ Imitating Dolphin ] 521 00:43:32,791 --> 00:43:35,658 - I have to stop. - Good ! I mean, oh, why ? 522 00:43:35,727 --> 00:43:38,753 Because I'm looking at you and I'm seeing all the beauty... 523 00:43:38,831 --> 00:43:41,994 of the world shining at me through your eyes. 524 00:43:42,067 --> 00:43:45,559 - Would you mind if I sketched you ? - I didn't know you could draw. 525 00:43:45,637 --> 00:43:47,832 I'm not an artist, perse. 526 00:43:47,906 --> 00:43:50,807 Okay, Elliot, there's something that I think I really have to say. 527 00:43:53,846 --> 00:43:55,780 Elliot, that's amazing ! 528 00:43:57,249 --> 00:43:59,240 Compared to you, it's nothing. 529 00:43:59,318 --> 00:44:01,752 Compared to your smile... 530 00:44:01,820 --> 00:44:05,916 and the blush of your cheek and the sound of your voice as it floats on the evening breeze. 531 00:44:05,991 --> 00:44:09,688 Compared to you, that sunset's just-- 532 00:44:13,165 --> 00:44:15,656 When is that darn thing gonna set ? 533 00:44:15,734 --> 00:44:17,668 - Maybe we should go. - No, wait. 534 00:44:17,736 --> 00:44:22,332 There's so much that I wanna say to you, but I just can't find the words. 535 00:44:22,407 --> 00:44:24,932 I have an idea. I would like... 536 00:44:25,010 --> 00:44:28,104 to improvise a sonnet about your hair. 537 00:44:30,182 --> 00:44:33,208 How wonderful my fair one's face-- 538 00:44:38,190 --> 00:44:40,784 Excuse me, fellas. Might I ask you to... 539 00:44:40,859 --> 00:44:43,794 take the horseplay down to another part of the beach ? 540 00:44:43,862 --> 00:44:46,296 Uh, no. 541 00:44:51,036 --> 00:44:55,405 You know, rather than get confrontational, 542 00:44:55,474 --> 00:44:57,533 why don't we all just sit down together, 543 00:44:57,609 --> 00:45:03,050 have some salad with dolphin-safe tuna and see if we can't start a dialogue. 544 00:45:04,285 --> 00:45:06,879 You know, I had a feeling that you were gonna-- 545 00:45:06,954 --> 00:45:11,152 Okay, guys, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you... 546 00:45:11,225 --> 00:45:14,888 to respect the moment that my woman friend and I are sharing... 547 00:45:14,962 --> 00:45:18,830 because it's a special celebration of love and caring... 548 00:45:18,899 --> 00:45:22,801 and a unique spiritual and emotional understanding. 549 00:45:24,705 --> 00:45:27,435 - You wanna get a beer ? - Sure. 550 00:45:27,508 --> 00:45:30,534 Alison, excuse me, but I thought that this was our time together. 551 00:45:30,611 --> 00:45:32,579 It's just a beer. I'll be back in two seconds. 552 00:45:32,646 --> 00:45:34,910 Actually, my place is like 40 minutes from here. 553 00:45:34,982 --> 00:45:37,644 - That's fine. Which way is your car ? - It's a van. 554 00:45:37,718 --> 00:45:42,382 - Great. - Alison, I respect your uniqueness and individuality. 555 00:45:42,456 --> 00:45:46,187 And you're your own person, and if you want to go with our new friends here... 556 00:45:46,260 --> 00:45:48,490 to get a drink, I won't stand in your way. 557 00:45:48,562 --> 00:45:51,326 - Okay, thanks, El. I knew you'd understand. - No, wait ! 558 00:45:51,399 --> 00:45:55,460 Don't go ! I can't handle this kind of rejection ! Why don't you wanna stay here with me ? 559 00:45:55,536 --> 00:45:59,302 You wanna know why ? Because you're just too sensitive ! 560 00:45:59,373 --> 00:46:02,365 I'm about to go out of my mind here. It's been wonderful, 561 00:46:02,443 --> 00:46:05,810 and God knows I love you, but enough is enough ! 562 00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:10,146 I just wanna be with a man who will ignore me and take me for granted... 563 00:46:10,217 --> 00:46:12,549 and who's only pretending to be interested in who I am... 564 00:46:12,620 --> 00:46:15,521 and what I think so he can get into my pants. 565 00:46:15,589 --> 00:46:19,650 - That would be me. - Oh, thank you ! 566 00:46:19,727 --> 00:46:22,025 Let's get out of here. 567 00:46:22,096 --> 00:46:24,087 Alison, wait ! 568 00:46:24,165 --> 00:46:26,759 Alison ! 569 00:46:26,834 --> 00:46:29,496 I'll get into your pants ! 570 00:46:41,649 --> 00:46:43,583 [ Screams ] 571 00:46:46,654 --> 00:46:50,090 Oh, Elliot, get out of there, you silly boy. 572 00:46:50,157 --> 00:46:54,491 - Oh, man, you are so bad. - Why, thank you. 573 00:46:54,562 --> 00:46:58,498 Just admit it. You're not very good at this whole instant travel thing, are you ? 574 00:46:58,566 --> 00:47:01,262 I'm sorry. Now then, what were we talking about ? 575 00:47:01,335 --> 00:47:03,895 Oh, your next wish, wasn't it ? 576 00:47:03,971 --> 00:47:08,772 Don't think I don't see what you're doing. I make wishes, you think up ways to ruin them. 577 00:47:08,843 --> 00:47:12,939 I've ruined them ? How can you say that ? 578 00:47:13,013 --> 00:47:16,540 I'm not perfect, you know. Do you think I enjoy this ? 579 00:47:16,617 --> 00:47:21,680 I'm stuck in this horrible job for eternity. Everybody hates me. 580 00:47:21,755 --> 00:47:24,053 I can't sleep. And when I actually try to help someone, 581 00:47:24,124 --> 00:47:28,151 they turn on me like I'm supposed to be God or something. 582 00:47:28,229 --> 00:47:31,460 Well, for your information, my life is a living hell. 583 00:47:31,532 --> 00:47:35,059 I work hard. I try to look good for you. 584 00:47:35,135 --> 00:47:38,332 You do look good. You-You look very good. 585 00:47:38,405 --> 00:47:40,635 I just wanted you to like me. 586 00:47:40,708 --> 00:47:45,111 Oh, come on. I do like you. It's just I'm feeling a little frustrated here. 587 00:47:45,179 --> 00:47:48,512 Don't give up on me, Elliot. I'm not giving up on you. 588 00:47:48,582 --> 00:47:53,144 Nobody gets it totally right right away. You're doing great, really. 589 00:47:53,220 --> 00:47:56,485 - I am ? - Yeah, you are. 590 00:47:56,557 --> 00:47:58,889 I'm so sorry your wish didn't work out. 591 00:48:00,594 --> 00:48:02,721 Friends ? 592 00:48:02,796 --> 00:48:04,764 Sure. 593 00:48:04,832 --> 00:48:08,962 Listen, I'm sorry if I said anything to upset you or make you feel bad. 594 00:48:09,036 --> 00:48:11,766 And I'm gonna try to be more sensitive next time. 595 00:48:11,839 --> 00:48:14,535 - I think you're sensitive enough already. - You think ? 596 00:48:14,608 --> 00:48:17,042 Are you kidding ? You even went for me crying. 597 00:48:17,111 --> 00:48:19,079 Hey ! Were you just faking me out ? 598 00:48:19,146 --> 00:48:24,106 I was 100% sincere. It's not easy being the Barbra Streisand of Evil. 599 00:48:24,184 --> 00:48:28,621 - [ Chuckling ] - Now, what have we learned so far ? 600 00:48:28,689 --> 00:48:30,816 Well, let's see. 601 00:48:30,891 --> 00:48:33,883 - I'm starting to think women don't know what they want. - Amen ! 602 00:48:33,961 --> 00:48:37,590 They say they want sensitivity, but did you see how fast Alison went for... 603 00:48:37,665 --> 00:48:40,998 - those tough-guy dudes on the beach ? - Which tells you ? 604 00:48:41,068 --> 00:48:44,970 That-- Well, it tells me that I wanna be really big and strong. 605 00:48:45,039 --> 00:48:49,203 You know, I wanna have a great body and be tall and-- Like-- [ Grunts ] 606 00:48:49,276 --> 00:48:51,210 - Go on. - And I wanna be athletic. 607 00:48:51,278 --> 00:48:53,508 - Check. - And I wanna be rich too. 608 00:48:53,581 --> 00:48:57,381 But I want it to be for something that I like doing, and people really like me for. 609 00:48:57,451 --> 00:48:59,544 Great ! This is getting really specific. 610 00:48:59,620 --> 00:49:02,680 Let's see-- big, strong, rich, athletic, 611 00:49:02,756 --> 00:49:05,884 something you like, lots of fans-- 612 00:49:05,960 --> 00:49:09,088 - Are you thinking what I'm thinking ? - Oh, I hope so. 613 00:49:09,163 --> 00:49:12,530 - In the form of a wish ? - I wish I could play professional basketball. 614 00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:15,899 Then I'll just say the magic words: Dennis Rodman. 615 00:49:15,970 --> 00:49:18,438 - [BuzzerSounding] - [ Screaming ] No ! 616 00:49:18,505 --> 00:49:21,941 Just kidding. Michael Jordan. 617 00:49:22,009 --> 00:49:24,375 Yeah ! 618 00:49:25,913 --> 00:49:29,940 [ Crowd ] Three, two, one ! 619 00:49:32,319 --> 00:49:34,150 [Announcer] And that's it. That's the game. 620 00:49:34,221 --> 00:49:38,180 The fans are going nuts here at the Forum in Los Angeles. 621 00:49:38,258 --> 00:49:43,127 The score: 135 to 85. Elliot Richards has totally dominated. 622 00:49:43,197 --> 00:49:45,927 If you're just tuning in, it's a shame because you just missed... 623 00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:47,968 one of the greatest performances in the history of sports. 624 00:49:48,035 --> 00:49:49,969 Absolutely, Jerry. Absolutely. 625 00:49:50,037 --> 00:49:54,167 People said basketball caught fire with the "ascendry" of Michael Jordan. 626 00:49:54,241 --> 00:49:56,971 But I tell you, after what we seen here tonight, 627 00:49:57,044 --> 00:49:59,410 a lot of people are gonna be saying, "Michael who ?" 628 00:49:59,480 --> 00:50:02,745 [Jerry] Right from the get-go, the fans took a look at Elliot Richards... 629 00:50:02,816 --> 00:50:05,216 and a couple women fainted. 630 00:50:05,285 --> 00:50:08,880 And a couple fellas-- I'd rather not say-- but they liked what they saw. 631 00:50:08,956 --> 00:50:11,823 [Dan] Absolutely. He's a big fella and an imposing fella. 632 00:50:11,892 --> 00:50:15,157 He's enormous. He's listed at 7'6" in the program, 633 00:50:15,229 --> 00:50:18,221 but I'd say he plays the game like he's 11 feet tall. 634 00:50:18,298 --> 00:50:20,232 No, I don't think he that big, Jerry. 635 00:50:20,300 --> 00:50:23,292 No, I'm saying the game he plays is-is-is-- 636 00:50:23,370 --> 00:50:25,429 is that of some Viking giant... 637 00:50:25,506 --> 00:50:28,634 with a basketball in one hand and a club in the other... 638 00:50:28,709 --> 00:50:31,269 standing 10, 11 , 12 feet tall. 639 00:50:31,345 --> 00:50:36,044 It's obvious Elliot Richards controlled this game right from the tip-off. 640 00:50:36,116 --> 00:50:40,553 Right from the get-go, Elliot was a dominating force in tonight's game. 641 00:50:40,621 --> 00:50:43,784 He was PhiSlammaJamma runnin' stank all over it. .. 642 00:50:43,857 --> 00:50:46,985 with rib-ticklin' jumps of double vanilla funk. 643 00:50:47,061 --> 00:50:50,827 Let's take a look. Here's a pass worthy of John Elway. 644 00:50:50,898 --> 00:50:52,832 For the dunk ! Such a beautiful play. 645 00:50:52,900 --> 00:50:57,803 Here he is lining up for the three. And Ricola ! It's good! 646 00:50:57,871 --> 00:51:00,965 Here comes his patented over-the-shoulder, no-look three-pointer. 647 00:51:01,041 --> 00:51:02,906 And nothing but net ! 648 00:51:08,415 --> 00:51:11,509 They're in the zone. 649 00:51:11,585 --> 00:51:14,315 Here he is soaring through the air like the man... 650 00:51:14,388 --> 00:51:16,982 on the flying "trapezius" and bam ! 651 00:51:17,057 --> 00:51:19,890 That's what I'm talking about ! 652 00:51:19,960 --> 00:51:22,861 Destroying the backboard on the glass. This kid's an animal. 653 00:51:22,930 --> 00:51:25,990 -Let's take a look at that dunker again. -It's boom ! 654 00:51:26,066 --> 00:51:29,297 Humpty-hump-dump-dump. Ha-ha ! 655 00:51:29,369 --> 00:51:32,896 I love this game, folks. I sure enough do. 656 00:51:32,973 --> 00:51:35,567 Elliot Richards spitting glass at your ass. 657 00:51:35,642 --> 00:51:38,770 Bob is courtside with Elliot Richards now. Let's go to Bob Bob. 658 00:51:38,846 --> 00:51:42,213 Thank you, Jerry and Dan. Elliot, you must be one very proud young man this evening. 659 00:51:42,282 --> 00:51:45,843 Simply put, that was a staggeringly dramatic display of athletic ability. 660 00:51:45,919 --> 00:51:49,753 Uh, well, you know, you go out there and you give 110%. 661 00:51:49,823 --> 00:51:52,519 And you wanna play good. And you hope you play good. 662 00:51:52,593 --> 00:51:54,823 I think we played pretty good tonight. 663 00:51:54,895 --> 00:51:58,797 Well, in the lexicon of sports terminology, and I don't mean to sound contrary here, 664 00:51:58,866 --> 00:52:03,701 the word "good" falls tragically short of encompassing the sheer virtuosity of your performance. 665 00:52:05,405 --> 00:52:08,966 Um, well, you know, there's no "I" in the word "team" 666 00:52:09,042 --> 00:52:10,976 and this is a team effort. 667 00:52:11,044 --> 00:52:14,070 And I just wanna say that I'm real proud to be associated with... 668 00:52:14,148 --> 00:52:17,914 these fine individuals that I have the pleasure of working with. 669 00:52:17,985 --> 00:52:21,148 Now, I would never wanna dis your team mates in any way, shape or form, 670 00:52:21,221 --> 00:52:24,748 but you do realize that you smashed Wilt Chamberlain's unbreakable record... 671 00:52:24,825 --> 00:52:28,317 of 100 points in a single basketball game set in Hershey, Pennsylvania, years ago ? 672 00:52:28,395 --> 00:52:32,126 Man, you just gotta play one game at a time and go out there and give 110%... 673 00:52:32,199 --> 00:52:35,828 and you gotta show that you want it more than they do when the chips fall where they may. 674 00:52:35,903 --> 00:52:38,701 Thank you very much. Back to you, Jerry and Dan. 675 00:52:38,772 --> 00:52:41,605 All right ! Diablos ! 676 00:52:41,675 --> 00:52:44,624 Number one ! Yeah ! 677 00:52:48,061 --> 00:52:50,427 Elliot. Hi. 678 00:52:50,497 --> 00:52:53,830 Alison Gardner. The Sporting News. 679 00:52:53,900 --> 00:52:57,199 - Oh. It's nice to meet you, ma'am. - [ Chuckles ] 680 00:52:57,270 --> 00:53:00,501 God, I can't tell you how thrilled I am to meet you. 681 00:53:00,573 --> 00:53:02,973 I was just wondering if there was a possibility... 682 00:53:03,042 --> 00:53:07,411 you might consider doing something exclusive with me, uh, for the magazine ? 683 00:53:07,480 --> 00:53:12,281 Maybe more intimate, one-on-one, just the two of us. 684 00:53:12,352 --> 00:53:16,755 Yeah, right. I'd kill you in one-on-one. 685 00:53:16,823 --> 00:53:19,121 Shoot ! 686 00:53:19,192 --> 00:53:22,093 God, it's so exciting to be here. 687 00:53:22,162 --> 00:53:26,531 I mean, uh, you must have an enormously huge... 688 00:53:26,599 --> 00:53:28,692 talent to do what you do. 689 00:53:28,768 --> 00:53:32,602 Well, you know, you go out there and you just give 110%. 690 00:53:32,672 --> 00:53:37,006 And, uh, you hope you play good. You wanna play good. 691 00:53:37,076 --> 00:53:39,476 - I bet. - I think we played pretty good tonight. 692 00:53:39,546 --> 00:53:42,481 Oh, God, you were incredible tonight. I mean, watching you, 693 00:53:42,549 --> 00:53:45,780 I just kept thinking how unbelievably big... 694 00:53:45,852 --> 00:53:49,083 your, uh, ego must be after a game like that. 695 00:53:49,155 --> 00:53:51,385 Oh, not that big, really. 696 00:53:51,458 --> 00:53:55,417 - I bet it's pretty big. - Well, I guess a little bit bigger. 697 00:53:56,496 --> 00:53:59,932 - It depends on how happy I am. - Oh ! 698 00:54:01,701 --> 00:54:04,226 - Whoo. God. - Heck. 699 00:54:04,304 --> 00:54:08,741 Wanna go back to my place ? I'll show you my bottle cap collection. 700 00:54:08,808 --> 00:54:12,266 Oh, God, that would-- that would be tremendous. 701 00:54:12,345 --> 00:54:14,370 - All right, well-- - God. 702 00:54:14,447 --> 00:54:17,075 I should, uh-- I should get dressed. 703 00:54:17,150 --> 00:54:19,084 I can't wait. 704 00:54:26,359 --> 00:54:30,056 - [ Gasps ] Oh, my God ! - [ Screams ] 705 00:54:30,129 --> 00:54:33,064 Hey, what the hell ! 706 00:54:33,132 --> 00:54:35,362 Oh, God, there's-- 707 00:54:35,435 --> 00:54:38,199 Hey ! Damn ! 708 00:54:38,271 --> 00:54:40,205 - Um-- - Oh, heck ! 709 00:54:40,273 --> 00:54:45,336 - Oh ! - I just remembered there's just this teeny, tiny thing... 710 00:54:45,411 --> 00:54:47,345 - I forgot to do. - What's teeny ? 711 00:54:47,413 --> 00:54:49,779 - No, no, no. It's something I have to write. - About me ? 712 00:54:49,849 --> 00:54:54,013 Yeah, just a little, short, itty-bitty blurb about tonight's game. 713 00:54:54,087 --> 00:54:56,453 Well, uh, can I see you after the road trip ? 714 00:54:56,523 --> 00:54:59,924 I would love to, but I'm-- I'm working on a really big, 715 00:54:59,993 --> 00:55:05,454 huge, enormous story on the N.F.L., so I probably won't have time. 716 00:55:05,532 --> 00:55:09,400 Oh, shoot. I understand. You gotta give 110%. 717 00:55:09,469 --> 00:55:11,403 - Right. - Stay within yourself. 718 00:55:11,471 --> 00:55:15,168 Hey, oh, yeah. Hey, um, thanks for your time. 719 00:55:17,844 --> 00:55:20,278 So long. Oh-- 720 00:55:21,347 --> 00:55:25,215 What the hell ? Oh, damn the Devil. 721 00:55:25,285 --> 00:55:27,378 Damn the Devil to Hell ! 722 00:55:27,453 --> 00:55:30,616 Oh, shoot ! Darn it ! 723 00:55:30,690 --> 00:55:33,818 Where the heck did I put that-- 724 00:55:40,199 --> 00:55:43,635 Five, five, five. [ Growls ] 725 00:55:43,703 --> 00:55:47,161 Seven, seven, seven. Come on ! Oh ! 726 00:55:47,240 --> 00:55:49,731 [ Grumbling ] 727 00:55:51,277 --> 00:55:53,438 [ Screams ] 728 00:55:53,513 --> 00:55:55,447 Duh ! Six, six-- 729 00:55:57,584 --> 00:56:02,749 - Now what are you doing ? - You seem so upset, Elliot. Do you want something to relax ? 730 00:56:02,822 --> 00:56:07,088 You bet I'm upset. You gave me, like, this little teeny-weeny winkie. 731 00:56:07,160 --> 00:56:10,618 Well, that's easily fixed, you know. Now then, let's see. 732 00:56:10,697 --> 00:56:13,757 Here's some M&Ms for room 320. 733 00:56:13,833 --> 00:56:17,599 - Red Hots for 316. - You're giving them candy ? 734 00:56:17,670 --> 00:56:21,834 Placebos. They work just as well as the real thing. It's a scientific fact. 735 00:56:21,908 --> 00:56:25,036 You can't give sick people Tic Tacs ! 736 00:56:25,111 --> 00:56:28,945 Sick people have notoriously bad breath. I'm performing a public service here. 737 00:56:29,015 --> 00:56:30,949 Now then, about your next wish. 738 00:56:33,052 --> 00:56:35,213 All right, okay. Um-- 739 00:56:35,288 --> 00:56:38,917 Well, I wanna be smart. 740 00:56:38,992 --> 00:56:43,691 No, I wanna be really smart. And I wanna be able to talk good-- well. 741 00:56:43,763 --> 00:56:46,527 - What is the word-- - "Articulate" ? 742 00:56:46,599 --> 00:56:49,329 Articulate. Yeah. I wanna be articulate. 743 00:56:49,402 --> 00:56:52,963 And I wanna be witty and sophisticated, charming. 744 00:56:53,039 --> 00:56:55,200 I wanna know everything about everything... 745 00:56:55,274 --> 00:56:58,835 and I wanna be popular and I wanna be good-looking. 746 00:56:58,911 --> 00:57:00,845 No, no, make that great-looking. 747 00:57:00,913 --> 00:57:04,314 And I want Alison to fall absolutely head over heels in love with me. 748 00:57:04,384 --> 00:57:07,683 - Anything else ? - Like what ? 749 00:57:07,754 --> 00:57:09,688 Like winkie-wise ? 750 00:57:09,756 --> 00:57:13,715 Oh, right. Um-- 751 00:57:13,793 --> 00:57:16,023 Yeah, well, um, 752 00:57:16,095 --> 00:57:18,928 I wanna be-- I wanna be big. 753 00:57:18,998 --> 00:57:23,526 Not like practical joke big, but, you know, sort of-- 754 00:57:25,405 --> 00:57:27,396 Yeah, like that. Is that clear ? 755 00:57:27,473 --> 00:57:30,601 Crystal. You just say "I wish" and I'll fill in the rest. 756 00:57:30,677 --> 00:57:32,611 Okay. 757 00:57:32,679 --> 00:57:35,443 I wish that I was witty and articulate-- 758 00:57:35,515 --> 00:57:38,916 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You've got it, smarty-pants. 759 00:57:38,985 --> 00:57:42,443 Take two of these and call me in the morning. 760 00:57:59,272 --> 00:58:01,365 [ Woman] Oh, Elliot ! 761 00:58:01,441 --> 00:58:04,569 Oh, it so wonderful to see you, darling. 762 00:58:07,346 --> 00:58:11,544 Oh, New York has been so deadly dull without you. Where have you been ? 763 00:58:11,617 --> 00:58:14,848 Oh, out in the Hamptons, of course. Up to my ears in my new book. 764 00:58:14,921 --> 00:58:18,823 Another one ? You've written four books in three years. My God. 765 00:58:18,891 --> 00:58:21,655 - What's this one about ? - Oh, same old, same old. 766 00:58:21,728 --> 00:58:24,060 It's a critical deconstruction of the Neo-Romantic period in art and literature... 767 00:58:24,130 --> 00:58:27,930 from the political and economic perspective of the Industrial Revolution. 768 00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:30,491 I can't imagine who reads this stuff ! 769 00:58:32,004 --> 00:58:34,438 Well, Elliot, the critics, apparently. 770 00:58:34,507 --> 00:58:38,671 It's already won the Pulitzer Prize and it hasn't even been published yet. 771 00:58:38,745 --> 00:58:40,838 Well, like they say, Dr. Oingegedaydegegedaybaba, 772 00:58:40,913 --> 00:58:43,780 a Pulitzer Prize and $3.50 will get you a cafe latte. 773 00:58:45,618 --> 00:58:50,521 So modest. Darling, you really should get around. Everyone's dying to see you. 774 00:58:50,590 --> 00:58:52,524 Mingle. 775 00:58:57,930 --> 00:59:00,330 Oh, darling, you look fabulous. Badgely Mishka ? 776 00:59:00,399 --> 00:59:04,233 - What a charming man. Who is that ? - Oh, that's Elliot Richards. 777 00:59:04,303 --> 00:59:08,603 He's a very successful writer. He's a very successful everything, 778 00:59:08,674 --> 00:59:10,733 as a matter of fact. 779 00:59:10,810 --> 00:59:14,439 That's Elliot Richards ? Oh, I've read all his books. 780 00:59:14,514 --> 00:59:17,108 He's brilliant. I had no idea he was so handsome. 781 00:59:17,183 --> 00:59:19,617 Well, why don't you go over and talk to him ? 782 00:59:19,685 --> 00:59:22,518 - I couldn't. What would I say ? - I wouldn't worry about that. 783 00:59:22,588 --> 00:59:26,547 Just, uh, let him do all the talking. 784 00:59:26,626 --> 00:59:30,687 It's a common misapprehension that the word "gin" comes from the city Geneva. 785 00:59:30,763 --> 00:59:32,924 Actually, the word "geneva" -- small "g" -- 786 00:59:32,999 --> 00:59:37,026 is a corruption of genievre, which of course is French for "juniper" 787 00:59:37,103 --> 00:59:39,697 the wonderful berry that flavors this miraculous libation. 788 00:59:39,772 --> 00:59:42,366 [Guests Chuckling] 789 00:59:42,441 --> 00:59:45,137 Speaking of miraculous. 790 00:59:45,211 --> 00:59:47,338 I'm Elliot Richards. How do you do ? 791 00:59:47,413 --> 00:59:51,349 I know who you are. I'm Alison Gardner. 792 00:59:51,417 --> 00:59:56,286 I just had to tell you how much I loved your novel Always Toujours. 793 00:59:56,355 --> 00:59:59,688 Well, I was just trying to make a simple point really. 794 00:59:59,759 --> 01:00:02,592 Every time I've reread Camus and Sartre, 795 01:00:02,662 --> 01:00:04,596 I kept thinking to myself, 796 01:00:04,664 --> 01:00:08,691 "Why does the existential dilemma have to be so damn bleak ?" 797 01:00:08,768 --> 01:00:11,794 - Yes. - Yes, we're alone in the universe. 798 01:00:11,871 --> 01:00:14,396 Yes, life is meaningless, death is inevitable. 799 01:00:14,473 --> 01:00:16,532 But is that necessarily so depressing ? 800 01:00:16,609 --> 01:00:18,668 I couldn't agree more. 801 01:00:19,946 --> 01:00:22,540 Don't you think that secular humanism is yummy ? 802 01:00:22,615 --> 01:00:24,549 Ooh, delish. 803 01:00:31,991 --> 01:00:34,323 My, my. 804 01:00:34,393 --> 01:00:39,262 They say that alcohol is a disinhibitor and it seems to be working very well on me. 805 01:00:39,332 --> 01:00:41,266 Me too. 806 01:00:42,902 --> 01:00:45,462 What an exquisite feeling. 807 01:00:45,538 --> 01:00:50,601 Every cell in my body just wants to reach out and touch someone. 808 01:00:50,676 --> 01:00:53,509 Yes, it's incredible, isn't it ? 809 01:00:53,579 --> 01:00:55,604 Mm-hmm. 810 01:00:55,681 --> 01:00:58,206 Thyphysiology of touch. 811 01:00:59,819 --> 01:01:03,152 Just below your epidermis, concentrated in your fingertips, 812 01:01:05,157 --> 01:01:08,285 the palms of your hands, 813 01:01:08,361 --> 01:01:11,125 the soles of your feet, 814 01:01:11,197 --> 01:01:14,598 the clitoris, nipples, penis, 815 01:01:15,801 --> 01:01:19,464 lips, tongue. 816 01:01:19,538 --> 01:01:22,268 Thousands and thousands of tiny little Meissner's corpuscles... 817 01:01:22,341 --> 01:01:26,459 all deliciously sensitive to even the slightest caress... 818 01:01:26,593 --> 01:01:31,292 sending all those tiny little endorphin-producing pleasure messages... 819 01:01:31,364 --> 01:01:33,764 to the hypothalamus-- 820 01:01:34,868 --> 01:01:36,961 the primitive brain. 821 01:01:37,036 --> 01:01:39,402 I'm tingling all over. 822 01:01:40,707 --> 01:01:43,642 Do you know the largest organ in the human body ? 823 01:01:45,111 --> 01:01:47,238 I can guess. 824 01:01:47,313 --> 01:01:49,247 You'd be wrong. 825 01:01:50,216 --> 01:01:52,912 It's your integumentary system. 826 01:01:52,986 --> 01:01:55,546 Your... 827 01:01:55,622 --> 01:01:57,556 creamy... 828 01:01:57,624 --> 01:02:00,252 soft... 829 01:02:00,326 --> 01:02:03,591 and completely desirable skin. 830 01:02:04,831 --> 01:02:08,198 - Can we go to your place ? - Mais certainment. 831 01:02:12,839 --> 01:02:14,773 [ Alison Giggling ] 832 01:02:14,841 --> 01:02:17,469 Oh, this is so perfect. 833 01:02:17,544 --> 01:02:20,240 Everything here absolutely screams... 834 01:02:20,313 --> 01:02:23,339 "Elliot Richards." 835 01:02:23,416 --> 01:02:26,112 Actually, most of the screaming... 836 01:02:26,186 --> 01:02:28,120 takes place... 837 01:02:30,123 --> 01:02:32,057 in the bedroom. 838 01:02:34,460 --> 01:02:36,826 [ Gasps, Sighs ] 839 01:02:36,896 --> 01:02:40,229 [Classical] 840 01:02:43,136 --> 01:02:47,004 - [ Record Scratches ] - What the hell is going on, Mary ? 841 01:02:47,073 --> 01:02:49,803 -Who are you ? -Don't play games with me, Mr. Richards. 842 01:02:49,876 --> 01:02:53,812 I'm in no mood. I've been out of my mind all night. 843 01:02:53,880 --> 01:02:57,782 - Oh, my God. - Hi. 844 01:02:57,851 --> 01:03:00,649 Who's your little friend ? 845 01:03:00,720 --> 01:03:04,520 - Maybe I should be running along. - Wait. This is a mistake. I'm not gay. 846 01:03:04,591 --> 01:03:08,527 Oh, really ? And I'm Tony Danza ! 847 01:03:08,595 --> 01:03:11,792 - Honestly, I swear it. I'm not. - Then tell me, 848 01:03:11,865 --> 01:03:14,766 who was in the Broadway cast of The Pajama Game ? 849 01:03:14,834 --> 01:03:17,667 Janis Paige, John Raitt, Eddy Foy, Jr. 850 01:03:17,737 --> 01:03:21,229 I assume you mean the original cast because there was a revival in 1973 that starred... 851 01:03:21,307 --> 01:03:24,208 Hal Linden and Barbara McNair-- I am gay ! 852 01:03:24,277 --> 01:03:26,472 - I rest my case. - [Elliot] Wait. 853 01:03:26,546 --> 01:03:29,709 I can prove to you that I am not gay. Kiss me. 854 01:03:29,782 --> 01:03:32,945 Oh ! This is just sad! 855 01:03:33,019 --> 01:03:37,683 Will you shut up, bitch ! Please, Alison, let me kiss you. 856 01:03:37,757 --> 01:03:40,885 Remember the champagne and the corpuscles ? 857 01:03:40,960 --> 01:03:43,292 All right, Elliot, kiss me. 858 01:03:46,499 --> 01:03:49,366 [ Groans ] 859 01:03:54,574 --> 01:03:57,008 I'm gay. Well, thanks for dropping by. 860 01:03:57,076 --> 01:03:59,135 - Good night. - All right. 861 01:03:59,212 --> 01:04:02,272 Bu-bye. 862 01:04:02,348 --> 01:04:04,782 You've been drinking again, haven't you ? 863 01:04:04,851 --> 01:04:10,448 This is like the night you had all those Brandy Alexanders and ran up and down Fire I sland... 864 01:04:10,523 --> 01:04:13,117 withyour cute little Speedos singing "Evergreen." 865 01:04:15,595 --> 01:04:19,531 And so the cow was returned to its rightful owner. 866 01:04:19,599 --> 01:04:22,329 - Okay, boys, tonight's homework. - [Class Groans ] 867 01:04:22,402 --> 01:04:26,133 Algebra. "X" to the nth plus "Y" to the nth equals "Z" to the nth. 868 01:04:26,205 --> 01:04:29,641 You're never gonna use that, are you ? 869 01:04:31,444 --> 01:04:34,277 "Imperialism and the First World War." 870 01:04:34,347 --> 01:04:37,475 Well, what's done is done, I say. No point in thinking about it now. 871 01:04:37,550 --> 01:04:40,417 "German, French, Spanish." 872 01:04:40,486 --> 01:04:44,149 Ja, ja. Oui, oui. Si, si. It's nonsense. 873 01:04:44,223 --> 01:04:47,158 Everyone speaks English anyway. And if they don't, they ought to. 874 01:04:48,861 --> 01:04:50,852 So, no homework tonight. 875 01:04:52,665 --> 01:04:56,567 But I want you to watch a lot of television, don't neglect your video games... 876 01:04:56,636 --> 01:05:01,096 and I'll see you in the morning, shall we say, 10:00, 10:30 ? 877 01:05:01,174 --> 01:05:03,108 No point in getting up too early, is there ? 878 01:05:03,176 --> 01:05:06,509 [Bell Ringing] 879 01:05:11,050 --> 01:05:15,384 Elliot, darling. What a lovely surprise. 880 01:05:15,455 --> 01:05:18,583 - I hope you had a pleasant evening. - As if you didn't know. 881 01:05:18,658 --> 01:05:22,685 Oh, I'm sorry, darling. I know it must be really frustrating for you. 882 01:05:22,762 --> 01:05:28,530 - I'll make it up to you somehow. - Oh, yeah, you've been a really big help so far. 883 01:05:28,601 --> 01:05:31,536 I know. I've been really naughty, haven't I ? 884 01:05:31,604 --> 01:05:34,368 Maybe a good spanking's in order. 885 01:05:34,440 --> 01:05:37,773 Is that all you ever think about ? Do you think everything is about sex ? 886 01:05:37,844 --> 01:05:40,972 No, of course not. I mean, there's greed, gluttony, 887 01:05:41,047 --> 01:05:44,244 sloth, anger, vanity, envy. 888 01:05:44,317 --> 01:05:46,444 No, there's also honesty and hard work... 889 01:05:46,519 --> 01:05:49,955 and caring about people and doing good for somebody else. 890 01:05:50,023 --> 01:05:53,618 Oh. You're just a big Boy Scout, aren't you ? 891 01:05:54,794 --> 01:05:56,762 I find that incredibly appealing. 892 01:05:56,829 --> 01:05:59,491 No ! All I've been doing is thinking about myself. 893 01:05:59,565 --> 01:06:03,057 I could be doing all these really important things to help other people. 894 01:06:03,136 --> 01:06:06,867 - What about Alison ? - Oh, I don't know anymore. 895 01:06:06,939 --> 01:06:10,636 You mess it up anyway. I know that Alison's not really like that. 896 01:06:10,710 --> 01:06:13,144 What exactly do you have in mind ? 897 01:06:13,212 --> 01:06:16,613 I wanna do something great for mankind. 898 01:06:16,682 --> 01:06:18,650 I wanna help create a better world. 899 01:06:18,718 --> 01:06:22,449 I wanna go down in history for doing something really, really important... 900 01:06:22,522 --> 01:06:26,185 and I want Alison to take me really seriously and to treat me with respect. 901 01:06:26,259 --> 01:06:28,887 I sense a wish coming on. 902 01:06:30,530 --> 01:06:32,657 Yes ! 903 01:06:34,333 --> 01:06:37,860 I wish that I was the President of the United States. 904 01:06:39,372 --> 01:06:44,275 That is the noblest, most unselfish thing I've ever heard. 905 01:06:44,343 --> 01:06:46,208 And it's a great way to meet girls. 906 01:06:46,279 --> 01:06:49,009 Bless you, Elliot Richards, 907 01:06:49,082 --> 01:06:52,245 and Godspeed. 908 01:06:56,155 --> 01:07:00,216 Mr. President. Alison Gardner. 909 01:07:00,293 --> 01:07:02,853 We're so honored to have you here, sir. 910 01:07:03,930 --> 01:07:05,795 [ Gasps ] 911 01:07:07,300 --> 01:07:10,758 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 912 01:07:10,837 --> 01:07:15,035 The actors are beside themselves with excitement. 913 01:07:15,108 --> 01:07:17,406 We're going to a play ? 914 01:07:17,477 --> 01:07:19,411 I think you'll find it quite amusing. 915 01:07:19,479 --> 01:07:22,039 It's called Our American Cousin. 916 01:07:22,115 --> 01:07:24,743 I think I've already seen it. As a matter of fact, I'm sure I have. 917 01:07:24,817 --> 01:07:28,082 I don't think you've seen it, sir. It's an entirely new play. 918 01:07:28,154 --> 01:07:30,952 Really ? I think I know how it ends, anyway. 919 01:07:31,023 --> 01:07:33,184 - Can't we just go to a movie ? - A what ? 920 01:07:33,259 --> 01:07:36,990 - [Announcer] The President ! -[ "Hail To The Chief" ] 921 01:07:40,199 --> 01:07:42,793 [ Champagne Cork Pops ] 922 01:07:42,869 --> 01:07:46,032 You seem tense tonight, Mr. President. 923 01:07:46,105 --> 01:07:48,596 Oh, well, you know, I have a lot on my mind, 924 01:07:48,674 --> 01:07:53,111 what, with preserving the Union and my wife going crazy and all. 925 01:07:53,179 --> 01:07:56,114 [Audience Applauding] 926 01:07:57,350 --> 01:08:00,319 Can I help you find something, Mr. President ? 927 01:08:00,386 --> 01:08:02,854 Yeah, I'm looking for my pager. 928 01:08:02,922 --> 01:08:06,016 - Your what, sir ? - My pager. It's this... 929 01:08:06,092 --> 01:08:08,253 little red plastic thingy. 930 01:08:08,327 --> 01:08:11,421 Looks kind of like a cell phone, only smaller. 931 01:08:11,497 --> 01:08:14,022 - [ Groans ] - I'm sorry ! Sorry ! 932 01:08:18,004 --> 01:08:21,030 Ha ! Ha ! All right. No problem. No problem ! 933 01:08:21,107 --> 01:08:23,701 No problem ! No problem. 934 01:08:23,776 --> 01:08:26,609 Sicsemper tyrannis ! 935 01:08:26,679 --> 01:08:28,772 Wait ! 936 01:08:28,848 --> 01:08:30,782 Okay. 937 01:08:30,850 --> 01:08:32,351 - [Gunshot] - [Screams] 938 01:08:32,351 --> 01:08:32,942 - [Gunshot] - [Screams] 939 01:08:41,327 --> 01:08:43,261 [ Clears Throat ] 940 01:08:47,767 --> 01:08:52,602 - You're late, Richards. - Uh, yes, sir. I'm very sorry. It won't happen again. 941 01:08:52,672 --> 01:08:56,108 See that it doesn't. I don't think a person with your extremely limited... 942 01:08:56,175 --> 01:08:59,440 personal and professional skills can afford to push the envelope. 943 01:08:59,512 --> 01:09:01,946 Yes, sir. 944 01:09:04,350 --> 01:09:06,284 Thank you, sir. 945 01:09:14,329 --> 01:09:16,627 - Creep. - [ Typing ] 946 01:09:16,698 --> 01:09:20,156 So, tell me, how was it ? I'm dying to know. 947 01:09:20,235 --> 01:09:22,169 What are you doing here ? 948 01:09:22,237 --> 01:09:24,330 Just think of me as a computer virus. 949 01:09:24,405 --> 01:09:26,873 I think of you as a plague. 950 01:09:26,941 --> 01:09:31,241 Now, will you get off my screen ? I have work to do. 951 01:09:31,312 --> 01:09:34,110 Whoa. What's this whole "get thee behind me" thing ? 952 01:09:34,182 --> 01:09:37,049 We still have business here, Mr. Richards. 953 01:09:37,118 --> 01:09:39,518 No, not now. I told you, I've got work to do. 954 01:09:39,587 --> 01:09:42,317 And besides, I've only got two wishes left and I don't wanna screw 'em up. 955 01:09:42,390 --> 01:09:44,950 Correction. You have one wish left. 956 01:09:47,562 --> 01:09:49,928 Nice try. I've got two more coming. 957 01:09:49,998 --> 01:09:52,159 Nuh-uh. Count 'em, baby. 958 01:09:52,233 --> 01:09:55,930 - You were President of the United States. - Yeah, okay, one. 959 01:09:56,004 --> 01:09:59,963 You were a charming, handsome, articulate, celebrated author and raconteur. 960 01:10:00,041 --> 01:10:03,101 Uh-huh, yeah. And you turned me into a flaming homosexual. 961 01:10:03,177 --> 01:10:05,543 - Professional basketball player. - Three. 962 01:10:05,613 --> 01:10:07,638 The sensitive, caring, artistic guy was four. 963 01:10:07,715 --> 01:10:10,183 And the Columbian drug lord was five. That means I have two more coming. 964 01:10:10,251 --> 01:10:12,242 You forgot the Big Mac and Coke. 965 01:10:12,320 --> 01:10:14,618 What ? That wasn't a wish. 966 01:10:14,689 --> 01:10:18,955 What do you call it ? You said, "I wish" and I got it for you. Sounds like a wish to me. 967 01:10:19,027 --> 01:10:21,393 No ! No, no, no. No, that's not fair ! 968 01:10:21,462 --> 01:10:24,158 Fair ? Who do you think you're talking to ? 969 01:10:24,232 --> 01:10:27,258 I don't recall anybody ever accusing me of being fair before. 970 01:10:27,335 --> 01:10:31,567 - I think I'm insulted. - What ? No, this isn't right. You can't do this. 971 01:10:31,639 --> 01:10:33,573 Well, what are you gonna do about it ? Sue me ? 972 01:10:33,641 --> 01:10:38,738 No, that's it ! I've had it with you. The whole deal is off. 973 01:10:38,813 --> 01:10:40,747 Off! 974 01:10:41,816 --> 01:10:43,807 Shut up ! 975 01:10:43,885 --> 01:10:46,149 [Pipe Organ] 976 01:10:59,133 --> 01:11:01,260 Are you all right ? 977 01:11:01,336 --> 01:11:03,804 Uh, not really. 978 01:11:03,871 --> 01:11:05,668 Uh-- 979 01:11:05,740 --> 01:11:08,402 I need to talk to God. 980 01:11:08,476 --> 01:11:12,936 That's the power of prayer. Just say what's in your heart and He hears. 981 01:11:13,014 --> 01:11:18,145 No, you don't understand. I really need to talk to Him now. 982 01:11:18,219 --> 01:11:22,246 - It's urgent. - Is it something you could tell me ? 983 01:11:22,323 --> 01:11:25,815 Um, no, it's personal. 984 01:11:25,893 --> 01:11:28,760 There's nothing you could say that I wouldn't understand. 985 01:11:28,830 --> 01:11:30,991 Um-- 986 01:11:31,065 --> 01:11:33,295 Why don't you just try me ? 987 01:11:33,368 --> 01:11:37,031 Okay, a few days ago I sold my soul to the Devil for seven wishes. 988 01:11:37,105 --> 01:11:39,573 I've already had five of them, but the Devil says I've had six, 989 01:11:39,641 --> 01:11:43,702 but I'm not counting the Big Mac and Coke and she is and I don't think that's fair. 990 01:11:43,778 --> 01:11:45,643 Do you ? 991 01:11:48,516 --> 01:11:50,984 - This is so unnecessary. - You're coming downtown with us. 992 01:11:51,052 --> 01:11:55,284 - I'm telling you, the Devil gypped me for a ham burger ! - Tell your story to the sergeant. 993 01:11:55,356 --> 01:11:57,824 So, do you have a copy of this contract ? 994 01:11:57,892 --> 01:12:00,326 No. I told you, she keeps it in her office. 995 01:12:00,395 --> 01:12:03,262 - At this nightclub in Oakland ? - Yes, at a nightclub, 996 01:12:03,331 --> 01:12:05,390 and no I can't tell you where it is. 997 01:12:05,466 --> 01:12:07,491 Because you promised the Devil you wouldn't ? 998 01:12:07,568 --> 01:12:09,593 No, because she drove, that's why ! 999 01:12:09,671 --> 01:12:12,834 Right, in a Lamborghini Diablo. 1000 01:12:12,907 --> 01:12:15,603 - Look, Officer-- - Sergeant. 1001 01:12:15,677 --> 01:12:19,670 Sergeant, I know my rights. I don't have to talk to you without a lawyer. 1002 01:12:19,747 --> 01:12:22,147 So, you either book me or you let me go. 1003 01:12:22,216 --> 01:12:26,482 Gee, are those my choices ? Oh, what do I do, what do I do ? 1004 01:12:26,554 --> 01:12:29,614 I choose "book you." Throw him in the lockup. 1005 01:12:29,691 --> 01:12:33,218 - Arraignment in the morning. Drunk and disorderly. - What ? Hey ! 1006 01:12:33,294 --> 01:12:36,092 - Recommending psychiatric evaluation. - It's her ! She's the Devil ! 1007 01:12:36,164 --> 01:12:39,725 One more word out of you and I'll pop you one, you goddamn wacko bastard. 1008 01:12:39,801 --> 01:12:42,599 Now, move it. 1009 01:12:48,609 --> 01:12:51,134 Spread 'em. 1010 01:12:51,212 --> 01:12:53,806 There's no point fighting about this. 1011 01:12:53,881 --> 01:12:57,783 You have to learn to accept the inevitable. 1012 01:12:57,852 --> 01:13:02,380 We're all doomed anyway, so you might as well just get with the program, 1013 01:13:02,457 --> 01:13:05,324 wish your way out of here and move on. 1014 01:13:08,162 --> 01:13:12,963 I wasn't kidding when I said I liked you. I do, Elliot. 1015 01:13:13,034 --> 01:13:16,128 I think you have massive potential. 1016 01:13:16,204 --> 01:13:19,503 If you're looking at an eternity in Hell, 1017 01:13:19,574 --> 01:13:24,102 let me tell you, it wouldn't hurt to have a friend like me. 1018 01:13:31,919 --> 01:13:35,787 So you just think about that and give me a call when you're ready. 1019 01:13:38,893 --> 01:13:40,827 [ Cell DoorShuts ] 1020 01:13:43,731 --> 01:13:45,926 [Man] She's the devil, that one. 1021 01:13:46,000 --> 01:13:47,934 What ? 1022 01:13:54,375 --> 01:13:56,309 I said, she's the devil, that lady cop. 1023 01:13:56,377 --> 01:13:58,311 Oh. 1024 01:14:00,248 --> 01:14:02,580 Yeah, I guess. 1025 01:14:02,650 --> 01:14:06,848 - So, what you in for, brother ? - Eternity. 1026 01:14:06,921 --> 01:14:10,652 Ooh. That's a long time. 1027 01:14:10,725 --> 01:14:12,920 You must've did some really bad shit. 1028 01:14:12,994 --> 01:14:14,928 Yeah. 1029 01:14:15,997 --> 01:14:18,124 I sold my soul. 1030 01:14:18,199 --> 01:14:20,360 Hope you got something good for it. 1031 01:14:20,434 --> 01:14:22,800 As a matter of fact, I got nothing for it. 1032 01:14:22,870 --> 01:14:25,600 That's a really bad deal, if you ask me. 1033 01:14:27,608 --> 01:14:30,008 I'm not asking you. 1034 01:14:34,448 --> 01:14:37,144 Doesn't really matter, though. 1035 01:14:37,218 --> 01:14:40,449 - You can't sell your soul, anyway. - Oh, really ? 1036 01:14:40,521 --> 01:14:42,785 Why do you say that ? 1037 01:14:42,857 --> 01:14:47,191 Doesn't really belong to you in the first place. No way, no how. 1038 01:14:48,462 --> 01:14:50,726 So, who does it belong to ? 1039 01:14:54,902 --> 01:14:57,268 It belongs to God, 1040 01:14:57,338 --> 01:15:01,638 that universal spirit that animates and binds all things in existence. 1041 01:15:04,045 --> 01:15:05,979 The Devil gonna try to confuse you. 1042 01:15:06,047 --> 01:15:07,981 But that's her gig. 1043 01:15:08,049 --> 01:15:13,214 But in the end, you're gonna see clear to who and what you are and what you're here to do. 1044 01:15:13,287 --> 01:15:16,620 Now, you're gonna make some mistakes along the way. Everybody does. 1045 01:15:16,691 --> 01:15:19,251 But if you just open up your heart. .. 1046 01:15:19,327 --> 01:15:21,887 and open up your mind, 1047 01:15:21,963 --> 01:15:23,931 you'll get it. 1048 01:15:25,166 --> 01:15:27,327 Who are you ? 1049 01:15:30,504 --> 01:15:32,563 Just a friend, brother. 1050 01:15:32,640 --> 01:15:35,108 Just a really good friend. 1051 01:16:27,061 --> 01:16:28,995 [ Techno Dance ] 1052 01:16:40,574 --> 01:16:42,599 [ Chattering ] 1053 01:16:47,495 --> 01:16:51,431 [Crowd Shouting] Elliot ! Elliot ! 1054 01:16:51,499 --> 01:16:53,729 [ Man ] You the man, Elliot ! 1055 01:16:53,802 --> 01:16:58,501 Elliot, darling. So nice of you to drop by. 1056 01:16:58,573 --> 01:17:00,905 - Come into my office. - [ Muttering ] 1057 01:17:00,976 --> 01:17:04,571 Oh, don't worry about them, darling. They're having a fabulous time. 1058 01:17:04,646 --> 01:17:07,240 Pathetic, aren't they ? 1059 01:17:07,315 --> 01:17:12,912 Everybody wants to go to the party, but nobody wants to pay the piper. 1060 01:17:12,988 --> 01:17:17,891 - Are you-- - Don't get too excited. It's just a Halloween costume. 1061 01:17:17,959 --> 01:17:20,894 Anyway, Elliot, my darling, have you thought of your last wish ? 1062 01:17:20,962 --> 01:17:25,296 - No. - I hate to put a rush on this, but there is a time limit. 1063 01:17:25,367 --> 01:17:27,562 Read your contract. 1064 01:17:36,177 --> 01:17:38,577 I really don't want another wish. 1065 01:17:38,647 --> 01:17:42,242 [ Scoffs ] That's funny. Do you think this halo's too much ? 1066 01:17:42,317 --> 01:17:45,946 No. I really don't want it. 1067 01:17:48,290 --> 01:17:52,420 What do you mean, you don't want it ? You get seven wishes. 1068 01:17:52,494 --> 01:17:54,462 There's nothing I want. 1069 01:17:55,764 --> 01:17:57,698 Well, there are things that I want, 1070 01:17:57,766 --> 01:17:59,791 but nothing that you can give me. 1071 01:17:59,868 --> 01:18:02,996 What is that supposed to mean ? 1072 01:18:03,071 --> 01:18:05,335 Well, um, 1073 01:18:05,407 --> 01:18:09,070 last night when I was lying in jail, I was talking to this guy, 1074 01:18:09,144 --> 01:18:11,977 I realized that wishing just doesn't work. 1075 01:18:12,047 --> 01:18:13,981 All my life I wished to be better looking, 1076 01:18:14,049 --> 01:18:16,984 to be richer, to be successful, talented, whatever. 1077 01:18:17,052 --> 01:18:19,953 And I always thought, "Wouldn't it be great if someone could just wave a magic wand... 1078 01:18:20,021 --> 01:18:21,955 and make that happen.,, 1079 01:18:22,023 --> 01:18:24,821 Well, I realized that it doesn't work by magic. 1080 01:18:24,893 --> 01:18:27,657 I think I'm gonna be sick. 1081 01:18:29,030 --> 01:18:31,555 I've been starting to think that... 1082 01:18:31,633 --> 01:18:35,160 it really isn't that important how far we go in life anyway. 1083 01:18:35,236 --> 01:18:37,295 It's how we get there that really matters. 1084 01:18:37,372 --> 01:18:39,306 Oh. 1085 01:18:39,374 --> 01:18:42,775 Do you know, that is so inspiring. 1086 01:18:44,179 --> 01:18:46,170 So, it's okay ? 1087 01:18:46,247 --> 01:18:49,080 Well, no, Elliot. I'm afraid it's not okay. 1088 01:18:49,150 --> 01:18:53,314 A deal's a deal. You get one more wish and I get your soul. 1089 01:18:53,388 --> 01:18:56,323 So, let's just get on with it, shall we ? 1090 01:18:56,391 --> 01:18:58,882 - I'm not gonna do it. - Oh, really ? 1091 01:18:58,960 --> 01:19:01,588 Well, before you get all hinky, I think I should warn you, 1092 01:19:01,663 --> 01:19:03,995 I'm not all peaches and cream, you know. 1093 01:19:04,065 --> 01:19:07,831 I do have a darker side, and believe me, it's not pretty. 1094 01:19:07,902 --> 01:19:10,700 Now, you can go easy or you can go hard, 1095 01:19:10,772 --> 01:19:13,866 but one way or another I will get your soul ! 1096 01:19:13,942 --> 01:19:16,035 I'm not gonna do it. 1097 01:19:16,111 --> 01:19:19,308 There's nothing that you can say or do that will make me. 1098 01:19:19,381 --> 01:19:21,315 Oh, I think you'll change your mind. 1099 01:19:21,383 --> 01:19:25,114 I'm just gonna slip into something a l ittle more terrifying. See you in Hell ! 1100 01:19:26,388 --> 01:19:29,448 - [ Screaming ] - [ Roaring ] 1101 01:19:32,827 --> 01:19:35,125 - [ Roaring ] - Wait, wait, wait. 1102 01:19:35,196 --> 01:19:38,256 Wait a minute ! Wait ! [Screams] 1103 01:19:38,333 --> 01:19:41,530 Wait ! [ Screaming ] 1104 01:19:41,603 --> 01:19:44,834 Now listen to me, you disgusting little maggot ! 1105 01:19:44,906 --> 01:19:49,366 This is your last chance before the big weenie roast. 1106 01:19:49,444 --> 01:19:52,641 Make a wish or forever burn in Hell ! 1107 01:19:52,714 --> 01:19:54,875 Okay ! Okay ! 1108 01:19:54,949 --> 01:19:57,509 I wish-- 1109 01:19:57,585 --> 01:20:00,315 I wish that Alison has a happy life. 1110 01:20:00,388 --> 01:20:02,652 Oh, God. 1111 01:20:02,724 --> 01:20:04,988 [ Screaming ] 1112 01:20:27,949 --> 01:20:31,817 - Is this Heaven ? - Heaven ? God, no, it's the courthouse. 1113 01:20:31,886 --> 01:20:37,017 I'm just meeting a couple of lawyers for lunch-- clients of mine. Come on. 1114 01:20:37,091 --> 01:20:39,355 Well, wait. 1115 01:20:39,427 --> 01:20:41,520 What happened to the whole... 1116 01:20:41,596 --> 01:20:45,555 you know, fire and the big horny guy with the-- 1117 01:20:45,633 --> 01:20:48,067 Oh, just a few special effects. 1118 01:20:48,136 --> 01:20:50,764 Sort of the Universal Studios Tour of Evil. 1119 01:20:50,839 --> 01:20:54,605 Normally it works pretty well, but evidently you weren't going for it. 1120 01:20:54,676 --> 01:20:57,338 - That last wish of yours was a deal breaker. - What ? 1121 01:20:57,412 --> 01:20:59,710 Nobody ever reads the contract. 1122 01:20:59,781 --> 01:21:04,718 Article 147, paragraph 9, subsection 3: "Selfless Acts of Redemption." 1123 01:21:04,786 --> 01:21:07,414 - Huh ? - Basically, it says... 1124 01:21:07,489 --> 01:21:10,515 ifyou commit one truly benevolent act, it voids the contract. 1125 01:21:10,592 --> 01:21:15,154 - So I get to keep my soul ? - Yes, you get to keep your soul. 1126 01:21:16,998 --> 01:21:20,365 Yes ! Oh, yes ! 1127 01:21:20,435 --> 01:21:23,734 Yes, I get to keep my soul ! 1128 01:21:23,805 --> 01:21:26,467 Whoo ! Hoo ! 1129 01:21:26,541 --> 01:21:29,806 Hoo ! 1130 01:21:29,878 --> 01:21:32,779 On November 16, I'll have been doing this for 6,000 years... 1131 01:21:32,847 --> 01:21:35,873 and you're the first person to give away one of their wishes. 1132 01:21:35,950 --> 01:21:38,942 I hope it's not the beginning of a trend. You're not gonna tell anyone, are you ? 1133 01:21:39,020 --> 01:21:41,352 No, no, I promise. Nope. 1134 01:21:42,857 --> 01:21:47,351 I don't get it, though. I mean, why are you... being nice ? 1135 01:21:47,428 --> 01:21:50,693 Look, Elliot, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. 1136 01:21:50,765 --> 01:21:54,895 The whole good and evi lthing, you know, Him and me, 1137 01:21:54,969 --> 01:21:57,199 it really comes down to you. 1138 01:21:57,272 --> 01:21:59,706 You don't have to look very hard for Heaven and Hell. 1139 01:21:59,774 --> 01:22:02,242 They're right here on Earth. 1140 01:22:02,310 --> 01:22:04,244 You make the choice. 1141 01:22:04,312 --> 01:22:06,371 And I guess you just made yours. 1142 01:22:06,447 --> 01:22:08,540 So, I can go now ? 1143 01:22:08,616 --> 01:22:10,880 Unless you want another seven wishes. 1144 01:22:10,952 --> 01:22:12,886 [ Chuckles ] No thanks. 1145 01:22:12,954 --> 01:22:15,047 I didn't think so. 1146 01:22:16,257 --> 01:22:18,191 I really liked you, you know. 1147 01:22:20,094 --> 01:22:22,654 Well, to tell you the truth, 1148 01:22:22,730 --> 01:22:25,198 you've been the best friend I've ever had. 1149 01:22:25,266 --> 01:22:28,429 Oh, dear. Don't go gushy on me now. 1150 01:22:30,138 --> 01:22:33,505 Go on. Go. You'll scare the fish away. 1151 01:22:53,728 --> 01:22:56,492 Alison. Hi. 1152 01:22:56,564 --> 01:22:58,555 Hi. Oh, uh-- 1153 01:22:58,633 --> 01:23:01,158 Elliot Richards. We've met a couple of times. 1154 01:23:01,235 --> 01:23:04,727 Yeah, I remember. Hi. How are you ? 1155 01:23:04,806 --> 01:23:08,242 I'm great. I'm exaggerating. I'm-- I'm good. 1156 01:23:10,278 --> 01:23:15,238 Um, the thing is we've been working togetherhere for the last four years, 1157 01:23:15,316 --> 01:23:18,308 and I've always noticed you and thought that... 1158 01:23:18,386 --> 01:23:21,913 you looked like, um, a very interesting person. 1159 01:23:21,990 --> 01:23:24,424 I don't know how interesting I am. 1160 01:23:24,492 --> 01:23:28,588 Well, the truth is I don't know you and you don't know me, 1161 01:23:28,663 --> 01:23:32,565 and I was thinking that if we were to get to know each other that... 1162 01:23:32,634 --> 01:23:34,898 there's a chance that we just might hit it off. 1163 01:23:34,969 --> 01:23:38,063 So I was wondering if you wanted to go get a cup of coffee or-- 1164 01:23:38,139 --> 01:23:41,074 That's really so nice of you. 1165 01:23:41,142 --> 01:23:43,269 I'm seeing someone. 1166 01:23:43,344 --> 01:23:46,006 Oh. 1167 01:23:46,080 --> 01:23:48,571 Well, of course you are. You're-- 1168 01:23:48,650 --> 01:23:52,051 He's sure one lucky guy. 1169 01:23:52,120 --> 01:23:56,386 Uh, listen, if it ever doesn't work out with him, then-- 1170 01:23:59,160 --> 01:24:02,459 - That is so nice of you. Okay. - No, thanks a lot. 1171 01:24:02,530 --> 01:24:05,192 - I'll see you around. - Okay, take care. Bye. 1172 01:24:08,536 --> 01:24:11,198 - It's a joke. - Right. 1173 01:24:11,272 --> 01:24:13,968 What's he gonna-- 1174 01:24:14,042 --> 01:24:16,408 Hey, Elliot, fo-felliot, so-smElliot. 1175 01:24:16,477 --> 01:24:18,707 What's up, dudester ? Yeah. [ Chuckles ] 1176 01:24:18,780 --> 01:24:23,444 What do you say we go down to the club tonight and we, uh, pick up some chickettes ? 1177 01:24:26,354 --> 01:24:28,788 Nice talking to you, Bob. 1178 01:24:36,330 --> 01:24:38,264 [ Muttering ] 1179 01:25:01,923 --> 01:25:03,857 - Hey. - New neighbors ? 1180 01:25:03,925 --> 01:25:05,859 Guess so. 1181 01:25:08,529 --> 01:25:11,396 Hi. Oh, hi. 1182 01:25:11,466 --> 01:25:13,696 Hi. You must be the boy next door. 1183 01:25:13,768 --> 01:25:15,497 Do you wanna give me a hand ? 1184 01:25:16,971 --> 01:25:20,099 Habla ingles ? Sprechen Sie English ? 1185 01:25:20,174 --> 01:25:22,335 Parlez vous Americano ? 1186 01:25:25,346 --> 01:25:28,543 - Hi. I'm Elliot Richards. - Hey. Nicole DeLarusso. 1187 01:25:28,616 --> 01:25:31,585 Don't call me Nicky, though. 'cause everyone always calls me "Nicky." 1188 01:25:31,652 --> 01:25:35,952 It starts off as Nicole, then it becomes Nicky, then Nick, then Ni, then just "Nn." 1189 01:25:36,023 --> 01:25:39,049 People just call me "Nn." I'm cracking myself up here. 1190 01:25:39,127 --> 01:25:41,391 - Hey, do you wanna give me a hand ? - Yes, I do. 1191 01:25:41,462 --> 01:25:45,558 - Okay. - Oh, wow. You got the new Ingebritzens. 1192 01:25:45,633 --> 01:25:47,965 - Oh, yeah, they're the best. - They're the best. 1193 01:25:48,035 --> 01:25:50,367 [ Both Chuckle ] 1194 01:25:50,438 --> 01:25:53,737 Um, so listen, I'd be happy to hook these up for you... 1195 01:25:53,808 --> 01:25:57,574 so you could have some music if you wanted, you know, while you're unpacking. 1196 01:25:57,645 --> 01:26:00,375 I could make us some dinner. That way you wouldn't have to cook. 1197 01:26:00,448 --> 01:26:02,643 Yeah, right. Me cook. 1198 01:26:02,717 --> 01:26:04,651 Thank you. [ Giggles ] 1199 01:26:04,719 --> 01:26:07,745 Say, Nicole, you wouldn't happen to have a sister, would you ? 1200 01:26:07,822 --> 01:26:11,155 No, no. I have a lot of brothers, though. 1201 01:26:11,225 --> 01:26:16,094 Hey, hey, did you ever think there might be another way 1202 01:26:16,164 --> 01:26:19,895 To just feel better To just feel better about today 1203 01:26:21,602 --> 01:26:26,801 Oh, no, if you never wanna have to turn and go away 1204 01:26:26,874 --> 01:26:30,867 You might feel better You might feel better if you stay 1205 01:26:32,847 --> 01:26:35,213 Yeah, yeah 1206 01:26:35,283 --> 01:26:38,834 I bet you haven't heard a word I've said 1207 01:26:38,968 --> 01:26:40,333 Yeah, yeah 1208 01:26:40,402 --> 01:26:43,166 You've had enough of all your trying 1209 01:26:43,239 --> 01:26:47,141 Just give up the state of mind you're in 1210 01:26:47,209 --> 01:26:52,476 If you wanna be somebody else 1211 01:26:52,548 --> 01:26:56,348 If you're tired of fighting battles 1212 01:26:56,418 --> 01:26:58,352 With yourself 1213 01:26:58,420 --> 01:27:02,447 If you wanna be somebody else 1214 01:27:02,725 --> 01:27:07,856 Change your mind 1215 01:27:07,930 --> 01:27:13,266 Change your mind 1216 01:27:15,571 --> 01:27:19,200 Hey, hey Have you ever dancedin the rain 1217 01:27:19,275 --> 01:27:22,142 Or thanked the sun just for shining 1218 01:27:22,211 --> 01:27:25,908 Just for shining over the sea 1219 01:27:25,981 --> 01:27:30,384 Oh, no Take it all in the world's a show 1220 01:27:30,452 --> 01:27:32,545 But yeah It looks much better 1221 01:27:32,621 --> 01:27:35,385 It looks much better when you glow 1222 01:27:37,326 --> 01:27:39,760 Yeah, yeah 1223 01:27:39,828 --> 01:27:42,388 I hope you've heard every word I've said 1224 01:27:42,464 --> 01:27:44,796 Yeah, yeah 1225 01:27:44,867 --> 01:27:47,597 You've had enough of all your trying 1226 01:27:47,670 --> 01:27:51,663 Just give up the state of mind you're in 1227 01:27:51,740 --> 01:27:56,700 If you wanna be somebody else 1228 01:27:56,779 --> 01:28:00,909 If you're tired of fighting battles 1229 01:28:00,983 --> 01:28:02,917 With yourself 1230 01:28:02,985 --> 01:28:07,115 If you wanna be somebody else 1231 01:28:07,189 --> 01:28:12,354 Change your mind 1232 01:28:12,428 --> 01:28:17,764 Change your mind 1233 01:28:19,401 --> 01:28:22,859 Ooo, yeah 1234 01:28:24,640 --> 01:28:28,542 Ooo, yeah 1235 01:28:35,684 --> 01:28:38,482 Hey, hey What you say 1236 01:28:38,554 --> 01:28:40,954 We've both heard seize the day 1237 01:28:41,023 --> 01:28:44,982 What's your hurry What's your hurry anyway 1238 01:28:46,929 --> 01:28:49,397 Yeah, yeah 1239 01:28:49,465 --> 01:28:52,161 I hope you've heard every word I've said 1240 01:28:52,234 --> 01:28:54,532 Yeah, yeah 1241 01:28:54,603 --> 01:28:57,128 You've had enough of all your trying 1242 01:28:57,206 --> 01:29:01,267 Just give up the state of mind you're in 1243 01:29:04,146 --> 01:29:09,106 Ifyou wanna be somebody else 1244 01:29:09,184 --> 01:29:14,952 If you're tired of losing battles with yourself 1245 01:29:15,024 --> 01:29:19,358 Ifyou wanna be somebody else 1246 01:29:19,428 --> 01:29:24,695 Change your mind 1247 01:29:24,767 --> 01:29:30,069 Change your mind 1248 01:29:30,139 --> 01:29:35,202 Change your mind 1249 01:29:35,277 --> 01:29:40,476 Change your mind 1250 01:29:42,117 --> 01:29:45,712 Ooo, yeah 1251 01:29:45,788 --> 01:29:51,124 - Out of your mind - Ooo, yeah 1252 01:29:51,193 --> 01:29:56,221 - Out of your mind - Ooo, yeah 1253 01:29:56,298 --> 01:30:02,134 -Just lose your mind - Ooo, yeah 1254 01:31:03,766 --> 01:31:06,701 [Man Vocalizing] 1255 01:31:07,701 --> 01:31:17,701 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org