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00:00:57,933 --> 00:00:59,813
Wallace, whatever you saw,
2
00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:01,687
there's an explanation.
3
00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:03,573
I'm not saying
that it's a good explanation,
4
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,858
it's obviously a bad explanation,
5
00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:08,243
but we can't just
leave things like this.
6
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:09,995
You have to call me back, okay?
7
00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:11,913
Wallace, whatever happened,
I still love you.
8
00:01:13,282 --> 00:01:16,502
This message
has been saved for 379 days.
9
00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:19,796
Message deleted.
10
00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:49,797
Yeah, that was supposed to be
an anonymous fridge magnet poem.
11
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,445
And here I am quietly judging you.
12
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,580
Oh, I can handle it.
I've humiliated myself
13
00:01:53,739 --> 00:01:56,162
much more thoroughly
in front of people I actually know.
14
00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:58,410
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
15
00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:19,727
I'm sorry, I moved your poem.
16
00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:21,938
I find this, like, weirdly addictive.
17
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- Yeah, like face tattoos.
- Like peeing in the ocean.
18
00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:25,983
- Oh.
- Aah!
19
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,365
- Here it is. Here it is.
- Hi.
20
00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:30,283
- Oh, did you guys meet?
- Uh, kind of, yeah.
21
00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:33,286
Wallace, this is my cousin
Chantry. She's an animator.
22
00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:36,164
- Chantry, this is Wallace.
- You're Wallace?
23
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:38,621
This is the first time
he's been outside in, like, a year.
24
00:02:38,784 --> 00:02:40,036
- Wow.
- Yeah.
25
00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:41,795
Yeah, you do look pale.
26
00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:44,456
I just assumed you were,
like, anemic or partially albino.
27
00:02:44,623 --> 00:02:46,625
- It's both, actually.
- He's been hibernating
28
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- like bear because of his broken heart.
- Aw.
29
00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:50,895
Stop telling people
and stroking my face.
30
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,717
- Anyway, um...
- Do you guys know Becky?
31
00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:57,887
Uh, she's small, has brown hair, always
bragging about her eating disorder.
32
00:02:58,053 --> 00:02:59,305
I'm Becky.
33
00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:01,599
- It's been a while.
- Oh, hello.
34
00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:03,108
It's so good to see you again.
35
00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:04,643
That's just what she sounds like!
36
00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:06,483
Can I give you a tour of the house?
37
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:08,901
Come.
38
00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:11,699
To be fair, um,
39
00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:14,031
I don't always like parties, either.
40
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:17,198
Awkward small talk is not my forte.
41
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:18,661
It's "fort," actually.
42
00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:22,124
"Forte" is Italian, it means "forcefully."
And "fort" is French for "strength."
43
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:24,128
But I still say "forte" too.
If you say "fort,"
44
00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:26,928
everyone thinks you're getting it wrong,
even though it is correct.
45
00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:30,006
So is that, like, your thing?
Correcting people's pronunciation?
46
00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:32,262
- Yeah, that's my thing.
- How's that going for you?
47
00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:34,344
I have a dead-end job,
live in my sister's attic,
48
00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:35,598
and I never go out.
49
00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,517
Uh, correcting pronunciation
is my old thing.
50
00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:39,849
Actually, my new thing
is over-sharing.
51
00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:42,105
- Heh.
- Here, try some of Allan's beer.
52
00:03:42,264 --> 00:03:43,311
Thank you.
53
00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:44,834
You actually knocked yourself out?
54
00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:46,022
- I think so.
- Wow.
55
00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:48,027
And I'll tell you
something really weird.
56
00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:50,359
My face is, like,
permanently damaged.
57
00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:53,150
Like, if you look up here,
you can see there's, like...
58
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:57,037
- I think there's, like, a dent.
- Sort of like, uh, Quasimodo.
59
00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:58,242
Yeah.
60
00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:05,379
So, um, I've got to go
to the bathroom.
61
00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:07,539
Do you need anything,
like some dental floss,
62
00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:10,209
or, you know, um, expired aspirin?
63
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:11,501
No, but I've left
a matchbox in there,
64
00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:13,548
and I was hoping women
could leave pubic hair...
65
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,848
Uh, I'll just go around with,
like, a party tray.
66
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:18,224
No, they'll be in there.
It'll be fine.
67
00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:19,805
- I'm stuffing a pillow.
- Okay.
68
00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:38,154
- Oh. Hey.
- Oh. Hi.
69
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:42,370
I was just, um, leaving
without saying goodbye, like a dick.
70
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:47,083
Yeah. Yeah, that's totally
what I am doing as well.
71
00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:48,292
- Heh.
- Oh.
72
00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:54,670
- Where are you...?
- Oh, um,
73
00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:56,838
I'm just, like,
a couple blocks west.
74
00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:58,052
- Me too.
- Oh.
75
00:04:58,215 --> 00:05:01,515
- Uh, would you like to walk together?
- Um, yeah. Sure.
76
00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,599
Cool.
77
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:07,520
I read in the tabloids
that she's a cannibal
78
00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:10,561
- and he faked Parkinson's for attention.
- I read that too. Crazy.
79
00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:12,400
Awful people. Really.
80
00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:14,485
Um, this is actually me here.
81
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:17,777
Oh. Right. Um, well, hey,
I had a really good time talking to you.
82
00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:19,820
Yeah. Me too.
Which is rare, actually.
83
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:22,239
I'm usually not that social, so...
84
00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:24,407
Well, um,
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00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,827
maybe you'd like
to talk again sometime.
86
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,586
Yeah, definitely.
We should hang out.
87
00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,839
Yeah. It'd be lovely.
88
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:33,546
Okay, so, I'm gonna
give you my number.
89
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:35,210
- Okay. I will...
- Top secret.
90
00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:36,424
Good.
91
00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:38,714
I did not mean to stay out so late.
92
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,427
No, me neither.
93
00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:43,639
My boyfriend will be worried about,
um, what happened to me,
94
00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:46,772
so, you know, call me.
95
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:49,353
Yes. Thank you very much. Um...
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00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:51,522
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice meeting you.
97
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:52,732
- Cool.
- Good night.
98
00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:53,941
Good night.
99
00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:31,104
I had a good time talking to you.
100
00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:32,813
Yeah. Me too.
101
00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:38,653
My boyfriend will be wondering
what happened to me.
102
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:13,980
Hey, what's up, Felix?
103
00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:17,275
- You all right?
- Just dropped an earring.
104
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:18,859
Your dinner's in the oven.
105
00:07:19,022 --> 00:07:21,150
- Good night.
- What time will you be home?
106
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,114
If the date is good, midnight.
107
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,574
If the date is bad, 8.
108
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:28,365
Uh, no treats, okay?
And no horror movies.
109
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:30,204
And don't let him go up on the roof.
110
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,168
And don't sell his organs
on the black market.
111
00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:34,079
Okay. I'm off.
112
00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:37,249
Take care. Have fun. Good luck.
113
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,258
- Unh.
- Clear!
114
00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:48,597
All right, mate, close your eyes.
115
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:49,886
Clear.
116
00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:52,055
Aah!
117
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:56,401
Okay, you can open them again.
118
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:43,815
Thank you.
119
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:49,029
Nothing gave Buttercup
as much pleasure
120
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:51,539
as ordering Westley around.
121
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,325
Farm boy?
122
00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:55,209
Polish my horse's saddle.
123
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:58,042
I want to see my face
shining in it by morning.
124
00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,753
As you wish.
125
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:06,464
"As you wish"
was all he ever said to her.
126
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,018
Thank you.
127
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,533
- Hey. Need a ride?
- Oh, hey.
128
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:30,366
Hey. Um, no, I think we're okay.
Thanks. Yeah.
129
00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:32,664
Sorry, I didn't see you there.
130
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:36,167
No, I also didn't see you
standing right next to me.
131
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:37,623
Hi, Wallace.
132
00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:39,129
- Chantry.
- Yes.
133
00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:41,381
- I'm here alone.
- Me too.
134
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:45,965
My boyfriend was supposed to come,
but he had to work late, so...
135
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:47,754
I like seeing movies by myself, though.
136
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:50,015
I think it's, um,
really cool you're here alone.
137
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:52,141
Oh, yeah. Super cool.
138
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:53,347
Yeah.
139
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:55,888
- Seriously?
- Yeah, seriously.
140
00:09:56,054 --> 00:10:00,230
I don't think you can have Princess
Bride as one of your favorite movies
141
00:10:00,391 --> 00:10:03,065
if you actually think love
makes you a worse person.
142
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:04,650
Well, no, it's irrelevant.
143
00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:06,486
The Princess Bride
is a fairy tale.
144
00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:10,027
In fairy tales, love inspires you
to be noble and courageous,
145
00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:14,369
but in real life, love is just an
all-purpose excuse for selfish behavior.
146
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:20,083
You can lie and cheat and hurt people,
and it's all okay because you're in love.
147
00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:25,626
I don't know
if you are actually cynical,
148
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:29,842
or just a super crazy,
romantic cheese ball.
149
00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:34,054
You go see Princess Bride by yourself,
on a week night, like a total loser.
150
00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:38,313
Yeah, well, your boyfriend ditched you,
and you still came all by yourself,
151
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,565
- so who's the real loser?
- Are you hungry?
152
00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:43,393
I can't believe
you ordered fried pickles.
153
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:47,155
Pickles are disgusting.
Pickling is like embalming, basically.
154
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,782
Like, a pickle jar
is like a tomb for cucumbers.
155
00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:53,115
I violated a tremendous amount
of corpses in medical school,
156
00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:55,372
so I know that pickling
is not the same as embalming.
157
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,615
- You're a doctor?
- Uh, heh, no.
158
00:10:57,782 --> 00:10:59,125
- Med school dropout.
- All right.
159
00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:07,043
The whole premise of deep-frying
is it makes everything taste better.
160
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:09,506
- I don't like deep-fried food.
- French fries?
161
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,467
- Eugh.
- Onion rings?
162
00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:12,676
- Fried chicken?
- Nope.
163
00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:13,886
- Fish and chips?
- Gross.
164
00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:16,176
Funnel cakes? Doughnuts?
Deep-fried banana sandwiches?
165
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:17,935
No, but Elvis ate those.
166
00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:19,471
And something called Fool's Gold.
167
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,157
- What is that?
- I don't know exactly,
168
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,559
but I read on the Internet
that Elvis died
169
00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:27,150
with 40 pounds of undigested feces
still in his intestine.
170
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,565
Thank you for telling me that
in the middle of dinner.
171
00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:31,529
- You're welcome.
- Next time I take a bite,
172
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:34,035
- you can say "diarrhea."
- Diarrhea.
173
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,834
Is this something
you learn in med school?
174
00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:38,115
Yeah. They go through the...
175
00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:40,454
- All the famous people.
- All the famous people
176
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:43,712
and how much feces were left in
them at the time of their death.
177
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:44,917
- Marie Antoinette?
- Tons.
178
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:48,299
In fact, they had to guillotine
her intestine as well as her head.
179
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:52,088
Yeah. They just, like, moved the body
further along through the machine.
180
00:11:52,253 --> 00:11:53,675
Who do you think weighs the feces?
181
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:55,215
I think, as the king,
182
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,725
it would've been, like,
a job that people fought for.
183
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,852
- Mm-hm.
- "Well, if I can't dress him,
184
00:12:00,011 --> 00:12:03,732
if I can't make him look pretty for the
casket, can I at least touch his poo?"
185
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:05,650
- You think he kept a bit?
- I'm sure he did.
186
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,401
In a matchbox or something, yeah.
187
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,188
Like, one of those little vials
you could wear around your neck.
188
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:12,824
Like, yeah, he had, like,
a little shit locket.
189
00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:14,199
- Heh-heh-heh-heh.
- Yeah, yes.
190
00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:19,039
So, like, I've been
with Ben for five years, and, like,
191
00:12:19,197 --> 00:12:22,576
I get that guys don't want to hang out
with the girl with the boyfriend,
192
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:24,877
but it just sucks, you know.
193
00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:26,788
It just makes you feel like
the only thing
194
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:29,674
that's interesting about you
is how you look with your clothes off.
195
00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:32,836
I mean, like, it should be easier
to make friends if you have a boyfriend,
196
00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:34,675
because there's no confusion.
197
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:37,090
Uh, so is that it?
198
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,850
That's your big pitch
to be my friend?
199
00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:40,681
- Um...
- That was terrible.
200
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:42,561
Yeah, I know, I know.
201
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,394
I'm just...
I practiced in the mirror, and...
202
00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:46,933
- Anyway...
- Friends?
203
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,228
- Yeah, why not? Friends.
- All right.
204
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:51,396
Is this how you make friends?
Like a business deal?
205
00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:53,735
Yeah, actually. It's just my style.
206
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,866
- It's quite unnerving, but it's good.
- Heh-heh.
207
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,410
What's shaking, hot pants?
208
00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:00,867
"You can't write,
“What's shaking, hot pants."
209
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:04,500
Have you seen anyone wearing
hot pants in the last five years?
210
00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:06,787
That homeless man who shouts
at people near the pool.
211
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:09,755
So I found this website
212
00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:16,172
where they explain what
Fool's Gold is.
213
00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:18,431
- You take
- Heh.
214
00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:21,593
A loaf of Italian white bread,
215
00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:23,386
you coat it in butter
216
00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:25,771
and bake it.
217
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:31,478
Then you hollow out the inside
218
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:39,115
and coat it
with an entire jar of peanut butter,
219
00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:43,373
and an entire jar of jam.
220
00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:48,120
Then you stuff it
with a pound of crispy bacon.
221
00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:54,755
The website said it serves
eight to ten people, or one Elvis.
222
00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:59,427
You know, a jar of peanut butter
has, like, 6,000 calories in it.
223
00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:01,136
And bacon is not even a food.
224
00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:03,552
Technically, it's just pure fat.
225
00:14:05,428 --> 00:14:09,274
"Championbeefcake@hotmail.com,
re: Just pure fat."
226
00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:12,902
I can't confirm how much feces
were in Elvis's colon when he died,
227
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:16,406
"but I did find out
how he discovered Fool's Gold."
228
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:18,111
They get on the jet, private jet,
229
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:20,072
fly to Denver, get to Denver,
230
00:14:20,234 --> 00:14:22,532
order Fool's Gold sandwiches
to be delivered to the plane,
231
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:25,336
eat them, fly back to Graceland
without ever getting off the plane.
232
00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:28,710
- Wow.
- And the best part is,
233
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:33,590
February 1, 1976?
The day my parents got married.
234
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:37,635
- Oh, no! Wallace!
- Come on.
235
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:40,217
- Got it!
- Mail storm!
236
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:18,801
It starts dirty, it ends dirty.
237
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,305
A relationship that starts with a breakup
is doomed to end with a breakup.
238
00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:23,589
- Who said that?
- Me.
239
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:27,511
You, after Vicky Cardero gave me
a BJ at her boyfriend's keg party
240
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:30,277
- and I wanted to ask her out.
- I recall you ignored that advice.
241
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:32,148
- What was the result?
- It ended dirty.
242
00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:33,586
Gonorrhea-and-a-fistfight dirty.
243
00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:36,694
This is not gonorrhea and a fistfight.
I'm not trying to break them up.
244
00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:40,323
I just... I'm happy
just being friends with her.
245
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,568
Is this a good
housewarming gift for Nicole?
246
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:45,111
Why are you buying her a gift?
247
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:46,871
She's moving into your house.
248
00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:49,908
Girls are weird about this sort of stuff,
and I'd rather overcompensate.
249
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,293
How much for the flying moose?
250
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:53,999
This dinner is a terrible idea.
251
00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:57,587
Normally, I wouldn't care about you
tumbling into some mess with a girl.
252
00:15:57,748 --> 00:15:59,546
I'd even rejoice at the statistically tiny
253
00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:02,553
but mathematical possible chance
of a threesome, but this is my cousin.
254
00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:04,464
I accidentally saw her labia one time,
255
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,098
immediately, explosive diarrhea.
256
00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:08,760
Oh, but you are misreading
this whole situation,
257
00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:11,770
because you can't interact with
a woman without sex screwing it up.
258
00:16:11,929 --> 00:16:13,522
But I can, because I'm a grown-up.
259
00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:15,729
And it's so adorable
that you really believe that.
260
00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:18,111
More importantly,
if this was your bedside lamp,
261
00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:21,273
do you think the warm glow would make
you feel more sexually experimental?
262
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,359
- Absolutely.
- What do you think?
263
00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:26,777
I've got the same one at home.
264
00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:32,666
It's the worst thing
that's ever happened in all of history.
265
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:36,079
Was it worse than when that meteor
hit Earth and killed all the dinosaurs?
266
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:39,499
Yes. My breakup is definitely
worse than a stupid meteor.
267
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,425
I just can't believe
that Rob cheated on you.
268
00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:43,757
- With a grad student!
- No, I know.
269
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:47,094
Her thesis is probably
on how to be a rat-faced whore.
270
00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:49,475
And I really liked him.
I'm so sorry.
271
00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:53,684
I liked him so much, I don't even want to
sleep with his friends to get back at him.
272
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,598
I mean, I will,
but I'm not gonna enjoy it.
273
00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:59,770
Do you think there might be, like,
a less skanky option for rebounding?
274
00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:01,438
No. This is something
you have to do.
275
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:06,864
- I don't want to wreck your dinner party.
- No, no, it's not a dinner party.
276
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,619
It's just, like, my friend, Wallace.
277
00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:11,497
Stay. This Wallace guy
could be a good rebound for you.
278
00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:14,579
Okay.
279
00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:17,495
Please, go easy on him.
He's delicate.
280
00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:19,881
- Hi!
- Hi.
281
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:22,292
- Hey. I brought booze.
- Thank you! That's so nice.
282
00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:24,578
- You're welcome.
- You can take your coat off.
283
00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:25,802
I will. Thank you very much.
284
00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:27,682
Well, this place
looks just like I imagined.
285
00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:29,090
- Really?
- Well, I mean,
286
00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:32,352
yeah, I pictured more potpourri
and doilies and stuffed animals
287
00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:34,808
- and things, knowing you, but, yeah...
- I put that away.
288
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:36,689
I know that it weirds you out.
289
00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:39,225
Ben, Wallace is here.
290
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,315
- Hi.
- Hey, Wallace. How are you?
291
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:42,524
Hi.
292
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:44,735
Oh. Oh. Sorry.
293
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,241
- No worries.
- Let me dry off my hands.
294
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,848
- Thanks for coming by.
- No. Nice to meet you. Thank you.
295
00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:51,579
- Hey, everybody.
- Hey.
296
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:54,331
Oh, um, Wallace,
this is my sister, Dalia.
297
00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:55,537
- Nice to...
- Nice to meet you.
298
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:56,997
- On. Hello.
- Hi.
299
00:17:58,369 --> 00:17:59,837
- You smell really good.
- Really?
300
00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:02,197
Yeah. Or maybe
it just smells really bad in here, right?
301
00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:05,130
No, he smells great.
But it is getting kind of oniony in here.
302
00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:08,012
- Can someone open the window?
- Yeah, I'll get it.
303
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:10,138
Right over there.
304
00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:12,459
So, Wallace, I'd like to get
your opinion on something.
305
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:14,344
- Uh, yeah?
- Europe.
306
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:15,978
The...? The continent?
307
00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:17,184
- See?
- Is it?
308
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:18,939
- Is it?
- Yes, it is a cont...
309
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,725
- Is it a continent?
- It is.
310
00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:22,689
He is from that continent,
he should know.
311
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:24,354
Okay, look at a map, any map,
312
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,920
Europe's not a separate continent,
it's clearly part of Asia.
313
00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:31,991
Right. But, wait, so if Europe isn't
a continent, then why is it a continent?
314
00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:34,906
Because Europeans were the ones
who decided what the continents are,
315
00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:39,043
and they didn't want to get lumped in
with all the, you know, Asians.
316
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:43,251
Ben is trying to change the world
from the inside out.
317
00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:45,462
Okay? Eurasia.
That's what they should call it.
318
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:48,424
Europe plus Asia: Eurasia.
Okay.
319
00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:50,930
- Who wants more wine?
- I do. Please.
320
00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:52,340
- Um, in my glass.
- Here.
321
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:55,055
And so, um, Ben, what is it exactly
that you do at the UN?
322
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:58,187
I'm part of an international consortium
of lawyers with a UN mandate
323
00:18:58,346 --> 00:19:00,269
- to negotiate copyright standards.
- Wow.
324
00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:02,831
More importantly, are you trying
to sleep with my girlfriend?
325
00:19:03,434 --> 00:19:05,687
Ben was working late
and Allan invited me...
326
00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:08,948
Uh, don't worry,
we're just talking "guy," okay?
327
00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:11,529
They think we're talking about
international copyright law.
328
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:12,818
Okay.
329
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:15,989
Now, look, I have no problem with the
concept of Chantry having guy friends,
330
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:17,532
but if you're trying to move in...
331
00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,166
No, no, God, I wouldn't do that.
332
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:21,293
I just want to be friends with her.
And with you.
333
00:19:21,452 --> 00:19:23,671
Friends is fine. Okay?
I can do friends.
334
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,628
But you better not try
and put your penis anywhere near her.
335
00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:28,839
- Okay.
- Every country has different laws,
336
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:32,175
so it's a logistical nightmare, but
I think it's important work, you know?
337
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:35,467
- I think it's worth it.
- That is impressive. Very impressive.
338
00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:41,518
- Ah. Ah. Ah! Aah!
- Oh, shit.
339
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:42,961
- Aah!
- You all right?
340
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:45,268
- Oh, my God, my eye! Aah!
- What is it?
341
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:46,686
He's just rubbed his eye.
342
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:48,650
God! My eye! It's really burning.
343
00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:50,690
- Did you cut the jalapeño?
- Yeah, I did.
344
00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:54,656
- Yeah.
- Oh, my... Ow! Ow! Ow!
345
00:19:54,819 --> 00:19:56,662
- Wallace, medical school!
- Shit, it hurts!
346
00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:59,324
Okay, well, do you...? Saline solution.
Do you use contacts?
347
00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:01,618
- I do. It's in the bathroom.
- Ben wears contacts.
348
00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:03,424
- Okay. Where?
- Through that door!
349
00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:05,329
- Yeah.
- Oh, God, that's painful!
350
00:20:05,496 --> 00:20:09,296
- Okay, what can I do, honey?
- God, that burns so badly!
351
00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:12,211
It's on that rag
and it's in the other eye now!
352
00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:13,550
Aah!
353
00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:15,973
I'm sorry! Just...
354
00:20:17,091 --> 00:20:18,343
Over there!
355
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:24,936
- Ben? Aah! Ben!
- Oh, shit!
356
00:20:25,099 --> 00:20:26,442
- Oh, my God!
- Ben?
357
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,443
- Are you okay?
- Unh.
358
00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:29,979
Okay, don't move. Ben!
359
00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:33,783
- Do something!
- Call 911!
360
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:36,410
Oh, no!
Okay, stay right there! Don't move!
361
00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:40,490
I'm sorry. You look fine.
362
00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:44,377
Aah! It hurts me! It hurts me!
363
00:20:45,953 --> 00:20:48,627
- Just be still.
- What if I'm paralyzed?
364
00:20:48,789 --> 00:20:49,881
You're not paralyzed.
365
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,400
I'm gonna give you something
for the pain to help you relax.
366
00:20:52,543 --> 00:20:54,170
Oh, my God.
What if I relax too much?
367
00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:56,384
What if I lose control
of my bodily function?
368
00:20:56,547 --> 00:20:57,799
What if I shit myself?
369
00:20:57,965 --> 00:21:00,093
You know, that actually happens
more than you'd think.
370
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,387
It's the worst part of my job.
It's super gross.
371
00:21:02,553 --> 00:21:03,679
Here we go.
372
00:21:03,846 --> 00:21:06,190
- Unh...
- Okay. Okay. Okay.
373
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:08,897
- And there we are.
- Just lie still. Shh.
374
00:21:11,562 --> 00:21:12,859
Ooh.
375
00:21:13,022 --> 00:21:14,524
Should you really be eating?
376
00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:17,443
Stress makes me hungry. That's why
I can never be a fighter pilot.
377
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:20,614
I would be, like, 500 pounds, I wouldn't
even be able to fit in the cockpit.
378
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:24,617
Holy night Shh.
379
00:21:34,668 --> 00:21:36,045
So, what's the prognosis, doc?
380
00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:37,839
He'll need the cast
for a few more weeks,
381
00:21:38,005 --> 00:21:39,973
but the, uh, neck brace
is a precaution.
382
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:42,305
And he'll probably
be out in the morning.
383
00:21:42,468 --> 00:21:44,749
If you're gonna spend the night,
I can wait here with Ben.
384
00:21:44,887 --> 00:21:46,264
You guys get something to eat.
385
00:21:48,098 --> 00:21:50,021
What are you getting?
386
00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:53,570
Tuna salad. Yeah.
387
00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:56,528
- I hate hospitals.
- Mm, me too.
388
00:21:57,358 --> 00:22:00,202
I spent a lot of time
in hospitals as a child.
389
00:22:00,361 --> 00:22:02,113
Because of all your deformities?
390
00:22:02,613 --> 00:22:05,992
- Um, no, my parents met as interns.
- Right.
391
00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:08,035
He does cardiology,
she does orthopedics.
392
00:22:08,202 --> 00:22:12,127
He actually proposed to her on the roof
of Charing Cross Hospital in London.
393
00:22:12,289 --> 00:22:13,461
That's romantic.
394
00:22:13,624 --> 00:22:15,626
Yeah, until the affairs.
395
00:22:15,793 --> 00:22:17,466
She cheated on him,
he cheated on her.
396
00:22:17,628 --> 00:22:18,675
It was just a mess.
397
00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:20,636
How old were you
when they got divorced?
398
00:22:20,798 --> 00:22:23,176
Uh, 7, I think.
399
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:26,687
Oh, uh, you don't know how
to teleport, do you?
400
00:22:26,846 --> 00:22:27,893
- No.
- Okay.
401
00:22:28,055 --> 00:22:31,810
Then I apologize for the awkward
situation you're about to witness.
402
00:22:31,976 --> 00:22:37,699
Hi. Um, sorry,
Chantry, uh, this is Megan, my, urn...
403
00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:39,404
Well, my nothing in particular.
404
00:22:39,817 --> 00:22:42,070
Nice to meet you.
405
00:22:42,611 --> 00:22:44,784
Wallace, what are you doing here?
Are you sick?
406
00:22:44,947 --> 00:22:49,123
No, um, Chantry's boyfriend
fell out of a window, but he's okay.
407
00:22:49,285 --> 00:22:52,084
- Do you want me to look in on him?
- No. That won't be necessary.
408
00:22:54,081 --> 00:22:55,128
I'm gonna go.
409
00:22:55,291 --> 00:22:56,759
We only get 15 minutes to eat lunch.
410
00:22:57,167 --> 00:22:58,687
Don't get the bagel
with smoked salmon,
411
00:22:58,836 --> 00:23:00,804
or the tuna, or anything with seafood.
412
00:23:00,963 --> 00:23:03,682
The company that stocks the machine
has failed four inspections,
413
00:23:03,841 --> 00:23:05,642
but the manager's brother
works for the mayor.
414
00:23:05,801 --> 00:23:08,850
I'm sorry, I've been on shift
for 18 hours and I'm really tired.
415
00:23:09,013 --> 00:23:12,013
I had so much coffee, and when I saw
her, I thought she was your girlfriend,
416
00:23:12,016 --> 00:23:13,734
and that made me want to cry.
417
00:23:13,893 --> 00:23:15,573
It's weird I'm saying this out loud,
right?
418
00:23:15,728 --> 00:23:18,322
- You are, and it is.
- I just want us to be friends.
419
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,073
Not today, but someday.
420
00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:22,033
Whatever he said,
it wasn't black-and-white...
421
00:23:22,192 --> 00:23:24,945
He hasn't said anything about you.
422
00:23:25,696 --> 00:23:27,164
He's never even mentioned you.
423
00:23:31,619 --> 00:23:36,082
Um... Okay, uh, it was
nice to meet you.
424
00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:39,673
- I hope your boyfriend feels better.
- Thank you.
425
00:23:43,589 --> 00:23:45,432
That was my ex-girlfriend.
426
00:23:45,591 --> 00:23:47,639
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
427
00:24:02,232 --> 00:24:05,577
Dude, you're really fishhooking me
over this new manual.
428
00:24:05,736 --> 00:24:07,738
Is fishhooking good or bad?
429
00:24:07,905 --> 00:24:10,249
- You enjoy being fishhooked?
- I've never been fishhooked.
430
00:24:10,407 --> 00:24:12,250
- Take a guess.
- Probably not.
431
00:24:12,409 --> 00:24:13,456
Definitely not.
432
00:24:13,619 --> 00:24:14,996
Nobody wants to be fishhooked.
433
00:24:15,162 --> 00:24:18,132
All those girls in high school
you fishhooked, they didn't like it.
434
00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:22,545
They just wanted to have sex with me.
Uh, you. Uh, men. Men.
435
00:24:22,711 --> 00:24:23,758
I'm off topic.
436
00:24:23,921 --> 00:24:26,265
- God, I hope so.
- Uh, yeah. Manual.
437
00:24:26,423 --> 00:24:27,925
Uh, it needs a lot of work.
438
00:24:28,092 --> 00:24:30,686
So I'll give you, uh, another wee...
Uh, month.
439
00:24:30,844 --> 00:24:33,393
Extra month. So make it, uh...
440
00:24:33,555 --> 00:24:35,057
Make it right.
441
00:24:39,103 --> 00:24:40,150
Hang on a second.
442
00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:43,657
Seriously, Josh,
this is where we're doing it?
443
00:24:43,816 --> 00:24:47,286
With the wood? Because I think
it might be cleaner someplace else.
444
00:24:47,444 --> 00:24:49,993
- You're blocking the shot, so...
- Oh, sorry.
445
00:24:50,155 --> 00:24:52,374
- Keep going, Josh.
- Douche.
446
00:24:52,533 --> 00:24:55,787
It is total bullshit that Josh got
the project manager job over you.
447
00:24:55,953 --> 00:24:58,714
Everyone knows it's your design,
and now Josh is acting like it's his.
448
00:24:58,872 --> 00:25:01,546
- It's, like, sexism or something.
- Our boss is a woman.
449
00:25:01,709 --> 00:25:04,508
Uh, I am so pissed that I gave Josh
a ho-jo after the Christmas party.
450
00:25:04,670 --> 00:25:08,300
It is kind of your tradition to give one of
our coworkers a handsy for Christmas.
451
00:25:08,465 --> 00:25:09,887
Shh!
452
00:25:10,050 --> 00:25:12,553
Listen, guys, Holly offered me
the promotion first.
453
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:14,472
- I turned it down.
- What?
454
00:25:14,638 --> 00:25:17,482
- Why?
- Because I like being an animator.
455
00:25:18,851 --> 00:25:21,775
I do, and the project manager
has to deal with so much more,
456
00:25:21,937 --> 00:25:24,656
like, hassle and paperwork
and meetings,
457
00:25:24,815 --> 00:25:27,819
and Josh is gonna end up
stuck in Taiwan half the year.
458
00:25:27,985 --> 00:25:30,659
Yeah, all that extra power and money
and travel is gonna suck.
459
00:25:30,821 --> 00:25:32,789
Stop. She doesn't want
the hassle, okay?
460
00:25:32,948 --> 00:25:36,953
She's got a great job, a great boyfriend,
great friends like me, kind of you.
461
00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:39,087
She's happy
just the way things are, right?
462
00:25:39,872 --> 00:25:41,624
Right.
463
00:25:45,044 --> 00:25:46,796
Oh, good, there they are.
464
00:25:46,962 --> 00:25:49,010
Servings per pack, about 107.
465
00:25:49,173 --> 00:25:50,220
- Oh, about.
- About.
466
00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:51,884
Oh, okay. Heh-heh-heh.
467
00:25:52,051 --> 00:25:54,645
Just in case you want to eat
all of it in one sitting.
468
00:25:54,803 --> 00:25:56,897
That is not a good idea.
469
00:25:57,056 --> 00:25:59,104
Please don't...
Please don't eat it all.
470
00:25:59,266 --> 00:26:00,893
I won't.
471
00:26:04,354 --> 00:26:05,794
I wanna know
where the weird shit is.
472
00:26:05,939 --> 00:26:08,533
Like, where are the animal parts
that you think are trash,
473
00:26:08,692 --> 00:26:10,990
- but are actually food?
- Chantry, I've been waiting
474
00:26:11,153 --> 00:26:13,406
for the right moment to, um,
talk to you about this,
475
00:26:13,572 --> 00:26:16,542
but I think maybe it's better just
to stop building it up and just say it.
476
00:26:16,700 --> 00:26:17,917
Okay. Ls everything okay?
477
00:26:18,077 --> 00:26:19,920
Oh, no, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Of course, yeah.
478
00:26:20,079 --> 00:26:22,252
Um, okay so we've been
together five years,
479
00:26:22,414 --> 00:26:25,918
and it feels like
our relationship is built to last.
480
00:26:26,085 --> 00:26:28,213
No matter what the future holds.
481
00:26:29,421 --> 00:26:31,924
I've been asked to take charge
of the European negotiation.
482
00:26:32,382 --> 00:26:34,009
It's a six-month contract.
483
00:26:34,176 --> 00:26:36,520
Um, but the thing is,
the team is based in Ireland,
484
00:26:36,678 --> 00:26:38,521
so I would have to live in Dublin,
485
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,684
although I'd have to travel
around the whole, um, continent.
486
00:26:44,019 --> 00:26:45,737
You mean the subcontinent,
487
00:26:45,896 --> 00:26:48,490
- but that's okay.
- Right.
488
00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:50,951
Look, this is important to me,
489
00:26:51,110 --> 00:26:53,363
but there is nothing
more important than you.
490
00:26:53,529 --> 00:26:55,748
So if you feel like,
um, the long-distance thing
491
00:26:55,906 --> 00:26:57,453
is too much, I'll turn it down.
492
00:26:57,616 --> 00:27:01,621
This is a huge opportunity
for you, right?
493
00:27:01,787 --> 00:27:03,664
Lead negotiator?
494
00:27:06,208 --> 00:27:07,648
- I love you.
- I love you.
495
00:27:07,793 --> 00:27:09,545
- Unh.
- Go, Felix!
496
00:27:10,462 --> 00:27:13,432
Dude, I'm not saying you can't eat it.
I'm saying you'll get horribly sick.
497
00:27:13,590 --> 00:27:14,637
But it wouldn't kill you.
498
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:16,177
You can eat your own poop,
499
00:27:16,343 --> 00:27:18,141
but if you eat the poop
that you poop out
500
00:27:18,303 --> 00:27:21,182
after eating the first poop,
it's so toxic, you'll die.
501
00:27:21,348 --> 00:27:23,567
So you can eat your poop once,
but not twice.
502
00:27:23,725 --> 00:27:26,228
- Unh!
- Hey, excuse me. Excuse me.
503
00:27:26,395 --> 00:27:28,944
Okay, where did you get beer
at a children's karate tournament?
504
00:27:29,106 --> 00:27:31,746
Where'd you get beer
at a children's karate tournament?
505
00:27:33,152 --> 00:27:35,780
So, Wallace, we
should get to know each other better.
506
00:27:35,946 --> 00:27:37,414
Talk about the issues of our time.
507
00:27:37,573 --> 00:27:41,043
Gay marriage, abortion,
can men and women really be friends,
508
00:27:41,201 --> 00:27:43,078
or do you secretly
want to bang Chantry?
509
00:27:43,245 --> 00:27:44,747
Thank you. She has a boyfriend.
510
00:27:44,913 --> 00:27:47,382
- Yeah, who you threw out a window.
- By accident.
511
00:27:47,541 --> 00:27:50,010
Dude, listen,
Ben is moving to Dublin,
512
00:27:50,169 --> 00:27:53,719
and your whole "if it starts dirty,
it ends dirty" thing is bullshit anyways.
513
00:27:53,881 --> 00:27:55,724
The night I met Allan,
I was so into him,
514
00:27:55,883 --> 00:28:00,480
it wasn't till I woke up the next morning
that I remembered I had a boyfriend.
515
00:28:00,637 --> 00:28:02,355
Love is dirty, baby.
516
00:28:02,514 --> 00:28:03,936
Sometimes it's downright filthy.
517
00:28:05,225 --> 00:28:07,319
Oh, Christ.
518
00:28:30,542 --> 00:28:31,919
Hey -
519
00:28:32,085 --> 00:28:34,304
I need to wear something
to this company dinner
520
00:28:34,463 --> 00:28:37,057
with our production partners
from Taiwan.
521
00:28:37,216 --> 00:28:38,308
What do you think?
522
00:28:38,467 --> 00:28:39,719
I think that's quite a dress.
523
00:28:39,885 --> 00:28:42,638
Do you think it's,
like, a little too slutty for me'?
524
00:28:42,804 --> 00:28:45,227
- No, nothing's too slutty for you.
- Can I help you?
525
00:28:45,390 --> 00:28:47,859
Yeah, actually,
um, I would like to try on that dress.
526
00:28:48,018 --> 00:28:50,567
We only have the one left,
and it's a size two.
527
00:28:50,729 --> 00:28:52,731
- Are you a two?
- Yes.
528
00:28:52,898 --> 00:28:55,617
- I'm gonna get the measuring tape.
- I'm a two.
529
00:29:22,511 --> 00:29:23,854
Aah!
530
00:29:24,012 --> 00:29:25,980
Wallace?
531
00:29:26,723 --> 00:29:28,020
- Wallace!
- Yes?
532
00:29:28,183 --> 00:29:31,608
Um, are you alone?
533
00:29:31,770 --> 00:29:33,147
Like, in the universe?
534
00:29:33,313 --> 00:29:35,111
No, in the hallway!
535
00:29:35,274 --> 00:29:36,366
Uh, yes.
536
00:29:36,525 --> 00:29:38,493
Okay, um...
537
00:29:38,652 --> 00:29:41,747
- Do you need me to get someone?
- No, no, don't get anyone.
538
00:29:41,905 --> 00:29:44,704
I need you to come in here.
539
00:29:44,866 --> 00:29:45,913
What?
540
00:29:46,076 --> 00:29:47,578
I'm kind of stuck.
541
00:29:47,744 --> 00:29:51,123
So I need you to crawl under,
but keep your eyes closed.
542
00:29:51,290 --> 00:29:53,167
- Really? Uh...
- I am in a state of undress.
543
00:29:53,333 --> 00:29:55,053
- You need to close your eyes.
- Okay, okay.
544
00:29:55,210 --> 00:29:56,837
Promise to close your eyes
and keep them closed?
545
00:29:57,004 --> 00:29:58,881
- Yes, I promise.
- Hurry!
546
00:30:01,508 --> 00:30:02,600
- What?
- I... No...
547
00:30:02,759 --> 00:30:05,182
- Did you open your eyes?
- No, I just banged my head
548
00:30:05,345 --> 00:30:06,597
because my eyes are closed.
549
00:30:06,763 --> 00:30:08,561
Okay, so here's what happened.
550
00:30:08,724 --> 00:30:11,398
I tried it on, and I think
it got hooked on my bra or something,
551
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:13,608
- and now I can't get it off.
- Right.
552
00:30:13,770 --> 00:30:15,050
You're not gonna laugh, are you?
553
00:30:15,188 --> 00:30:17,737
- I can't even see what's going on.
- Okay.
554
00:30:18,692 --> 00:30:23,697
Okay, um...
Are your eyes closed? Yes.
555
00:30:24,865 --> 00:30:26,617
I think you need to move a bit.
556
00:30:26,783 --> 00:30:28,785
There, yeah.
557
00:30:42,215 --> 00:30:43,655
- You're all right.
- No. It's stuck.
558
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,724
Okay, okay.
Um, turn around, turn to me.
559
00:30:47,220 --> 00:30:48,847
Yeah.
560
00:31:09,159 --> 00:31:10,502
- Thank you.
- It's okay.
561
00:31:11,244 --> 00:31:13,042
Should I hold that?
562
00:31:25,509 --> 00:31:27,728
Here, hold this.
563
00:31:28,887 --> 00:31:30,855
And keep your eyes closed.
564
00:31:36,728 --> 00:31:39,208
Oh, I love you so much,
I wanna just rip off your arms and legs
565
00:31:39,356 --> 00:31:41,074
and carry you
around in my purse all day.
566
00:31:41,233 --> 00:31:43,531
I love you so much I want
to grind up your muscles
567
00:31:43,693 --> 00:31:46,367
and organs and bones
and spread you on toast.
568
00:31:46,530 --> 00:31:50,660
Mm! I love you so much I want to just
cut you open and scoop out your insides
569
00:31:50,826 --> 00:31:53,705
and wear your skin around town
like an Allan suit.
570
00:31:59,084 --> 00:32:01,587
- Okay. Bye, Wallace.
- Bye, Nicole.
571
00:32:05,924 --> 00:32:07,892
Can I talk to you about something?
572
00:32:11,096 --> 00:32:14,316
I just had sex.
I'm about to eat nachos!
573
00:32:14,474 --> 00:32:17,023
It's the greatest moment of my life!
574
00:32:17,352 --> 00:32:19,696
Unless you screw it up
with whatever you're about to say.
575
00:32:20,063 --> 00:32:22,031
It's about your cousin.
576
00:32:22,190 --> 00:32:24,363
She's my cousin. It's like incest.
577
00:32:24,526 --> 00:32:25,698
Well, she's not my cousin.
578
00:32:25,861 --> 00:32:28,542
But you're like my brother,
so it's like my brother asking my advice
579
00:32:28,697 --> 00:32:30,290
on how to incestuously bang
my cousin.
580
00:32:30,449 --> 00:32:32,122
No, I'm not. She...
She has a boyfriend.
581
00:32:32,284 --> 00:32:36,755
Yeah. He's been over for Thanksgiving
and Christmas for the past five years.
582
00:32:36,913 --> 00:32:38,313
Okay, let me break it down for you.
583
00:32:38,457 --> 00:32:40,801
This perfect nacho chip is Ben.
584
00:32:40,959 --> 00:32:45,214
He works at the United Nations as
an expert in international copyright law.
585
00:32:45,380 --> 00:32:47,348
This moldy banana is you.
586
00:32:47,507 --> 00:32:50,226
I have no idea what you do.
Every time you tell me, I fall asleep.
587
00:32:50,385 --> 00:32:52,934
You know I write user manuals
for dedicated purchasing software.
588
00:32:54,306 --> 00:32:56,479
- Like copyright law is so exciting.
- At least he's an expert in something.
589
00:32:56,641 --> 00:32:58,314
What are you an expert in? Nothing.
590
00:32:58,643 --> 00:33:02,523
"There are no people anywhere
seeking my advice on any subject."
591
00:33:02,689 --> 00:33:04,942
Ben's been dating Chantry
for five years.
592
00:33:05,108 --> 00:33:06,155
They live together.
593
00:33:06,318 --> 00:33:07,695
They own furniture.
594
00:33:07,861 --> 00:33:09,955
They have a cat. You have nothing.
595
00:33:10,113 --> 00:33:11,456
You don't even have a plant.
596
00:33:11,615 --> 00:33:14,209
You've been single
since that douche-bag Megan
597
00:33:14,367 --> 00:33:15,647
broke your fragile little heart.
598
00:33:15,785 --> 00:33:17,753
Okay, okay.
I broke up with Megan, all right?
599
00:33:17,913 --> 00:33:19,665
She wanted to stay together
and work it out.
600
00:33:19,831 --> 00:33:21,754
I said no, so I dumped her.
601
00:33:22,709 --> 00:33:23,835
Of course you did.
602
00:33:24,002 --> 00:33:25,128
Anyway, I get it. It's fine.
603
00:33:25,295 --> 00:33:27,175
She's in a relationship.
Nothing's gonna happen.
604
00:33:29,216 --> 00:33:31,310
You totally killed
my sex nacho high.
605
00:33:31,468 --> 00:33:37,141
So... Keys, wallet,
606
00:33:37,641 --> 00:33:38,688
Passport, phone.
607
00:33:38,850 --> 00:33:42,104
Keys, wallet and... Yes, this.
608
00:33:42,646 --> 00:33:45,490
It's an open ticket to Dublin.
It's a five-hour flight.
609
00:33:45,649 --> 00:33:47,822
It's already paid for,
so use it whenever you want,
610
00:33:47,984 --> 00:33:49,531
even if it's just for a weekend,
611
00:33:49,694 --> 00:33:51,241
even if it's just for a day,
612
00:33:51,404 --> 00:33:53,156
even if it's just for a kiss.
613
00:33:53,698 --> 00:33:54,745
- Okay?
- Mm-hm.
614
00:34:05,919 --> 00:34:08,160
No, baby, baby, I got to go.
I got to go. The cab's here.
615
00:34:08,296 --> 00:34:11,140
I'm so sorry.
I can't miss my flight.
616
00:34:11,299 --> 00:34:13,597
Okay, I'm so late. Okay?
617
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:15,637
Okay, baby?
618
00:34:17,305 --> 00:34:19,023
Goodbye.
619
00:34:21,017 --> 00:34:23,941
- Love you.
- Love you too.
620
00:34:24,104 --> 00:34:25,822
Bye.
621
00:34:54,593 --> 00:34:56,937
Hey, it's me.
Sorry I missed your call.
622
00:34:57,095 --> 00:34:58,517
I'm in Berlin.
623
00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:00,057
Hey, it's me. I'm in Munich.
624
00:35:01,433 --> 00:35:03,811
Hey, I'm in Prague.
Fm in Amsterdam. Fm in Florence.
625
00:35:03,977 --> 00:35:05,900
Hey, honey, I'm in Vienna now.
626
00:35:07,397 --> 00:35:10,196
I got your message.
Cell reception in Athens is a mess.
627
00:35:10,358 --> 00:35:11,998
- Did you get my postcard?
- Hey, it's me.
628
00:35:12,152 --> 00:35:16,157
Why don't you call me right before you
go to bed, even if it's a weird time here.
629
00:35:16,323 --> 00:35:18,075
I just want to hear your voice.
630
00:35:31,004 --> 00:35:32,847
So I finally got my cast off.
631
00:35:33,006 --> 00:35:35,350
My arm's all smelly and shriveled.
632
00:35:35,508 --> 00:35:38,512
If I felt you up, it'd be like you were
cheating on me with my evil twin.
633
00:35:38,678 --> 00:35:41,181
Please, tell me more
about how you want to molest me
634
00:35:41,348 --> 00:35:43,476
with your creepy, rancid freak arm.
635
00:35:43,642 --> 00:35:45,064
You'd love Dublin, though.
636
00:35:45,226 --> 00:35:47,106
They've got us all staying
in the same building,
637
00:35:47,228 --> 00:35:49,697
so the whole office
is basically living together,
638
00:35:49,856 --> 00:35:51,608
but I've already made
some good friends.
639
00:35:51,775 --> 00:35:54,324
It's nice, but I just...
640
00:35:54,486 --> 00:35:55,988
You know, I miss you so much.
641
00:35:56,154 --> 00:35:59,995
Yeah, I know, I... I
really miss you too.
642
00:36:00,283 --> 00:36:02,786
Look, I got to go, okay?
643
00:36:02,952 --> 00:36:04,295
I love you.
644
00:36:04,454 --> 00:36:05,546
Okay.
645
00:36:05,705 --> 00:36:07,173
- See you.
- Okay.
646
00:36:07,332 --> 00:36:09,732
- All right, speak tonight.
- All right, talk to you then.
647
00:36:09,876 --> 00:36:12,299
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
648
00:36:12,462 --> 00:36:13,930
- Sorry.
- No worries.
649
00:36:14,089 --> 00:36:16,717
- Black for you, milk for me.
- Cheers.
650
00:36:18,343 --> 00:36:19,390
- Ah.
- Yep.
651
00:36:19,761 --> 00:36:21,855
So is Ben settling in okay?
652
00:36:22,013 --> 00:36:24,482
Yeah, he's great. He's doing great.
653
00:36:24,641 --> 00:36:27,110
He's having a great time.
654
00:36:27,268 --> 00:36:29,987
Are you having a great time?
655
00:36:30,146 --> 00:36:33,867
Not really. I'm having
kind of a crappy time, actually.
656
00:36:34,025 --> 00:36:36,699
- Sorry.
- Yep, this, right now,
657
00:36:36,861 --> 00:36:39,034
this is the high point
of my social calendar.
658
00:36:39,197 --> 00:36:40,665
Aw. See, that is sad.
659
00:36:40,824 --> 00:36:44,920
I know. I've been thinking
about just starting drinking.
660
00:36:45,078 --> 00:36:46,125
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
661
00:36:46,287 --> 00:36:47,334
- Heavily.
- Heavily.
662
00:36:47,789 --> 00:36:50,588
Do you need someone
to start drinking with you?
663
00:36:50,750 --> 00:36:53,173
- Really?
- I'm very, very willing.
664
00:36:53,336 --> 00:36:55,304
You want to help me
drown my sorrows?
665
00:36:55,463 --> 00:36:57,340
Of course. Absolutely.
666
00:36:57,507 --> 00:36:59,225
Done.
667
00:37:06,391 --> 00:37:07,438
Bottoms up!
668
00:37:09,227 --> 00:37:10,945
- Unh!
- Oh, my God!
669
00:37:11,104 --> 00:37:12,151
- Horrible!
- Horrible!
670
00:37:12,313 --> 00:37:13,656
- As always!
- And cheap!
671
00:37:13,815 --> 00:37:16,864
All right, prospective person
at this bar for you.
672
00:37:17,026 --> 00:37:19,495
I don't think anyone I'd like
would come to a place like this.
673
00:37:19,654 --> 00:37:20,701
You're here, Wallace.
674
00:37:20,864 --> 00:37:22,504
- Yeah, because you dragged me here.
- So?
675
00:37:23,408 --> 00:37:25,456
Look at this girl. She's so pretty.
676
00:37:25,910 --> 00:37:27,207
Oh, uh, yeah.
677
00:37:27,370 --> 00:37:29,998
- Yeah? No, she's super pretty!
- Yeah. Oh, okay.
678
00:37:30,165 --> 00:37:32,634
You want me to go tell her
that you have six nipples?
679
00:37:32,792 --> 00:37:34,312
- Yeah. No, you know what?
- All right.
680
00:37:34,461 --> 00:37:37,681
No, you know what? I'll do it myself.
It'll be easier coming from me.
681
00:37:37,839 --> 00:37:39,119
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
682
00:37:39,257 --> 00:37:40,804
- I'm sorry, hi. Um...
- Hi.
683
00:37:40,967 --> 00:37:43,140
Oh, wow.
You've got amazing teeth.
684
00:37:43,303 --> 00:37:45,021
Um, sorry, can I buy
this drink for you?
685
00:37:45,180 --> 00:37:47,979
Um, yeah, that's so sweet.
686
00:37:48,141 --> 00:37:49,313
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
687
00:37:49,476 --> 00:37:51,729
Um, so...
688
00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:54,522
Heh. Burn!
689
00:37:54,689 --> 00:37:57,192
All right,
weirdest place you've ever had sex.
690
00:37:57,358 --> 00:37:59,577
Um, bakery, night shift.
691
00:37:59,736 --> 00:38:01,909
I will never be comfortable
eating a cupcake again.
692
00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:06,872
- What about you?
- Um... Ferris wheel.
693
00:38:07,035 --> 00:38:09,458
Stuck at the very top.
We could see for miles around,
694
00:38:09,871 --> 00:38:11,214
but no one could see us.
695
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:14,919
- Aah!
- Yes! Oh, yeah!
696
00:38:15,084 --> 00:38:16,764
Thank you for being
so gracious in victory.
697
00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,719
- Whoo! Uh-huh!
- Hand clasp of champions.
698
00:38:19,881 --> 00:38:20,973
Rub it in.
699
00:38:29,265 --> 00:38:32,314
So how many serious relationships
have you actually had?
700
00:38:32,477 --> 00:38:34,571
Four! Two in high school,
701
00:38:34,729 --> 00:38:37,949
and one in college before Ben,
and then Ben.
702
00:38:38,107 --> 00:38:39,575
- You?
- Six?
703
00:38:40,151 --> 00:38:42,574
One in high school,
one the summer after high school,
704
00:38:42,737 --> 00:38:44,614
three in college, and one since.
705
00:38:44,781 --> 00:38:46,749
No, sorry, two since. So seven.
706
00:38:46,908 --> 00:38:48,348
Are you usually
the dumper or dumpee?
707
00:38:48,493 --> 00:38:52,464
Um, statistically, I'm a dumper,
but it's not like I've never been dumped.
708
00:38:52,622 --> 00:38:54,795
I've just been really good
at knowing when to get out.
709
00:38:54,958 --> 00:38:57,837
- You?
- No, I've never dumped anyone.
710
00:38:58,002 --> 00:38:59,879
I always try to make it work.
711
00:39:00,421 --> 00:39:04,142
You know, I haven't hit the bar scene
in, like, a very long time.
712
00:39:04,300 --> 00:39:07,270
I thought it was gonna be the worst,
but that was surprisingly painless.
713
00:39:07,428 --> 00:39:09,522
I'm just sorry
you didn't find true love tonight.
714
00:39:09,681 --> 00:39:11,775
Ah, well, you can't have it all.
715
00:39:11,933 --> 00:39:14,812
And what's the worst thing
that's ever happened to you?
716
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:17,321
Um, the worst thing
that's ever happened to me
717
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:20,484
is kind of the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
718
00:39:20,650 --> 00:39:22,652
Megan, you met the other day,
719
00:39:22,819 --> 00:39:28,246
I burst in on her making out with our,
frankly, gross anatomy professor,
720
00:39:28,408 --> 00:39:33,414
and I was like,
"Wow, we actually are my parents."
721
00:39:34,122 --> 00:39:35,795
We are almost both doctors,
722
00:39:35,957 --> 00:39:38,756
"and we already started cheating
on each other."
723
00:39:38,918 --> 00:39:41,967
So I got out of there, and yeah.
724
00:39:42,130 --> 00:39:43,598
So, in a way, that became
725
00:39:43,756 --> 00:39:45,804
the best thing
that ever happened to me.
726
00:39:45,967 --> 00:39:49,562
So, what is the worst thing
that ever happened to you?
727
00:39:50,763 --> 00:39:55,018
My mom died
when I was in junior high.
728
00:39:55,184 --> 00:39:59,651
Um... She had breast cancer.
729
00:40:01,441 --> 00:40:06,447
You don't realize how quickly
everything can fall apart until it does.
730
00:40:07,447 --> 00:40:11,293
Makes you never want to give up
anything good ever again.
731
00:40:13,953 --> 00:40:16,047
Can I change my answer?
732
00:40:16,205 --> 00:40:17,707
The worst thing
that happened to me
733
00:40:17,874 --> 00:40:19,501
is saying
my lame relationship drama
734
00:40:19,667 --> 00:40:21,214
is the worst thing
that happened to me,
735
00:40:21,377 --> 00:40:23,471
when something really awful
happened to you.
736
00:40:23,630 --> 00:40:25,098
It's okay.
737
00:40:25,256 --> 00:40:27,384
I like your answer.
738
00:40:27,550 --> 00:40:29,928
Plus, I get to be part of
the worst part of your life now.
739
00:40:30,094 --> 00:40:31,516
That's really good.
740
00:40:31,846 --> 00:40:33,769
And for future reference,
when the answer is
741
00:40:33,932 --> 00:40:36,560
your mom died of cancer,
you should really go first.
742
00:40:37,393 --> 00:40:40,112
All right.
Thanks for the etiquette lesson.
743
00:40:40,271 --> 00:40:42,023
No worries.
744
00:40:42,649 --> 00:40:44,367
Good night, Wallace.
745
00:40:44,984 --> 00:40:46,702
Good night, Chantry.
746
00:40:56,579 --> 00:40:58,752
You know,
he has all these new experiences,
747
00:40:58,915 --> 00:41:00,792
he's meeting
all these new people.
748
00:41:00,959 --> 00:41:02,439
"And then,
“What's going on with you?"
749
00:41:02,543 --> 00:41:05,638
And it's like, "Well, I'm in the middle
of my same old life",
750
00:41:05,797 --> 00:41:07,845
except, whoops,
my boyfriend's out of the country."
751
00:41:08,007 --> 00:41:09,054
Ugh!
752
00:41:09,217 --> 00:41:11,640
So Dolly was telling us
about this Wallace guy...?
753
00:41:12,553 --> 00:41:13,600
We're friends.
754
00:41:13,763 --> 00:41:17,267
Well, no, I know, obviously
you guys are friends, but is he cute?
755
00:41:17,433 --> 00:41:18,685
Should you be introducing him
756
00:41:18,851 --> 00:41:20,649
to your single,
desperate friends like me?
757
00:41:20,812 --> 00:41:23,065
No, no, I already called dibs on him.
758
00:41:23,231 --> 00:41:24,278
Why?
759
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:27,319
He was supposed to be my rebound.
That's why it didn't work with Noel.
760
00:41:27,485 --> 00:41:29,237
I needed a buffer
between Rob and Noel.
761
00:41:29,404 --> 00:41:30,701
A buffer made of sex.
762
00:41:30,863 --> 00:41:33,241
You little prostitute.
763
00:41:33,408 --> 00:41:35,706
- Dalia, you barely know him.
- Well, you know him.
764
00:41:35,868 --> 00:41:38,069
You hang out with him all the time,
so he's not a loser.
765
00:41:38,204 --> 00:41:39,724
He hasn't made some
creepy move on you,
766
00:41:39,789 --> 00:41:41,917
so we know he's not a creep.
He's vetted.
767
00:41:42,083 --> 00:41:44,962
Well, is he funny or smart?
768
00:41:45,128 --> 00:41:47,130
He's definitely smart.
He's not funny.
769
00:41:47,296 --> 00:41:49,173
He's, like, kind of, like, bantery.
770
00:41:49,340 --> 00:41:51,559
He's kind of like a male version
of Chantry, actually.
771
00:41:51,718 --> 00:41:53,516
- Oh, wait, so he's Mantry?
- Oh, no.
772
00:41:53,678 --> 00:41:56,227
- Yes, he is. He's totally Mantry.
- No. No, We're not...
773
00:41:56,389 --> 00:41:58,733
Dalia wants to have rebound
sex with her sister's man-twin.
774
00:41:58,891 --> 00:42:00,814
Option one, make a move on her.
775
00:42:00,977 --> 00:42:02,650
Bold, direct.
776
00:42:02,812 --> 00:42:05,453
If you're lucky, you hook up,
she feels guilty, breaks up with Ben.
777
00:42:05,606 --> 00:42:07,779
If you're unlucky, she's furious,
ends your friendship.
778
00:42:07,942 --> 00:42:09,159
- So be sleazy?
- Yeah.
779
00:42:09,318 --> 00:42:10,998
- You think that'll work?
- No.
780
00:42:11,112 --> 00:42:13,991
Even if she goes for it, she'll
resent you for getting her to cheat.
781
00:42:14,157 --> 00:42:16,125
She'll break up with him, but she won't
go out with you because you're...
782
00:42:16,284 --> 00:42:17,331
- Sleazy.
- Yeah.
783
00:42:17,493 --> 00:42:20,542
Option two,
be the guy she goes to for advice.
784
00:42:20,705 --> 00:42:23,128
The downside is you have to listen
to her talk about Ben.
785
00:42:23,291 --> 00:42:26,091
The upside is you can slant your
advice to slowly turn her against him.
786
00:42:26,252 --> 00:42:27,299
- So be conniving?
- Yeah.
787
00:42:27,462 --> 00:42:28,759
- And that'll work?
- Maybe.
788
00:42:28,921 --> 00:42:30,423
Maybe she'll see through it
and think you're...
789
00:42:30,590 --> 00:42:31,637
- Conniving?
- Yeah.
790
00:42:31,799 --> 00:42:34,769
Option three, patiently wait it out.
791
00:42:34,927 --> 00:42:37,100
Either the distance
gets to them and they break up,
792
00:42:37,263 --> 00:42:40,358
or it doesn't, and they get married,
live a happy life,
793
00:42:40,516 --> 00:42:45,272
with you always on the outside,
looking in, quietly pining indefinitely.
794
00:42:45,438 --> 00:42:47,156
- So be pathetic?
- Yeah.
795
00:42:47,315 --> 00:42:48,362
That sounds fun.
796
00:42:48,524 --> 00:42:50,697
It's got the advantage
of not being unethical,
797
00:42:50,860 --> 00:42:52,203
but the disadvantage of being...
798
00:42:52,361 --> 00:42:53,487
- Pathetic.
- Yeah.
799
00:42:53,654 --> 00:42:57,375
So your advice is be sleazy,
conniving or pathetic.
800
00:42:58,785 --> 00:43:02,415
Well, when you put it that way,
it doesn't sound like very good advice.
801
00:43:03,956 --> 00:43:05,583
Aw...
802
00:43:06,334 --> 00:43:08,382
- Oh, my God.
- Do you like it?
803
00:43:08,753 --> 00:43:10,755
Um, well,
it's not my engagement ring.
804
00:43:10,922 --> 00:43:13,471
- It's whether she'll like it.
- I think she'll love it.
805
00:43:13,633 --> 00:43:15,306
Then you're made for each other.
806
00:43:15,468 --> 00:43:19,063
Why'd you get all snaky when we
were talking about Wallace earlier?
807
00:43:19,222 --> 00:43:20,724
I... Ugh.
808
00:43:20,890 --> 00:43:22,187
Come on.
809
00:43:22,934 --> 00:43:24,106
Look, you just, like...
810
00:43:24,268 --> 00:43:27,488
You don't have the greatest
track record with guys. That's all.
811
00:43:27,647 --> 00:43:29,649
You think I'm gonna break his heart
and mess up your friendship?
812
00:43:29,816 --> 00:43:30,863
No.
813
00:43:31,025 --> 00:43:32,698
So you think I'm not
good enough for him?
814
00:43:32,860 --> 00:43:35,363
Obviously not.
That's obviously not what it is.
815
00:43:35,530 --> 00:43:37,373
Some of us
aren't as lucky as you and Ben.
816
00:43:37,532 --> 00:43:40,081
Some of us want a guy
that doesn't make us feel like crap.
817
00:43:40,243 --> 00:43:41,290
There is a fourth option.
818
00:43:41,452 --> 00:43:42,624
- Yeah?
- Be honest.
819
00:43:42,787 --> 00:43:43,959
Tell her how you feel.
820
00:43:44,122 --> 00:43:46,216
It might ruin the friendship,
but at least you.
821
00:43:46,374 --> 00:43:48,593
Stood up like a man
and expressed your feelings.
822
00:43:48,751 --> 00:43:51,254
Wait, I'm sorry.
Since when does being a man
823
00:43:51,420 --> 00:43:53,013
involve expressing your feelings?
824
00:43:53,172 --> 00:43:54,719
Did I miss a memo?
Because if I recall,
825
00:43:54,882 --> 00:43:57,101
being a man meant
hiding your feelings forever.
826
00:43:57,260 --> 00:43:59,860
Like Bruce Willis. You never see
Bruce Willis expressing feelings.
827
00:44:00,012 --> 00:44:02,293
The most you ever get out of Bruce
is a hint of melancholy
828
00:44:02,431 --> 00:44:04,232
- at the edge of a smirk.
- Do you think Bruce
829
00:44:04,392 --> 00:44:06,941
would be happy just being friends?
830
00:44:07,103 --> 00:44:09,947
A hundred percent honesty
is the foundation of any relationship.
831
00:44:10,106 --> 00:44:11,866
You are a hundred percent honest
with Nicole?
832
00:44:12,024 --> 00:44:13,321
- Yes. Yep.
- About everything.
833
00:44:13,484 --> 00:44:14,656
New Orleans, 2006?
834
00:44:14,819 --> 00:44:16,492
What was her name? Uh, Favia?
835
00:44:16,654 --> 00:44:19,032
Yeah, she did look like a woman,
to be fair.
836
00:44:19,198 --> 00:44:22,042
Ninety-nine percent honesty
is the foundation of any relationship.
837
00:44:22,201 --> 00:44:25,751
You know, it's not worth the risk,
not if it means losing her as a friend.
838
00:44:25,913 --> 00:44:27,793
- Well, so then it's option five.
- What's that?
839
00:44:27,874 --> 00:44:29,672
You move on.
840
00:44:44,599 --> 00:44:46,067
Hello.
841
00:44:46,225 --> 00:44:47,385
- Oh, hi.
- Hey.
842
00:44:48,644 --> 00:44:50,021
Hello, welcome.
843
00:44:50,188 --> 00:44:51,656
Welcome to our engagement party.
844
00:44:51,814 --> 00:44:56,741
We are so happy to have everybody
we care about together in one space.
845
00:44:56,903 --> 00:44:59,281
Here's the thing, we both
really want to get married, but...
846
00:44:59,447 --> 00:45:02,451
But we hate weddings. Every wedding
I've been to has completely sucked.
847
00:45:03,034 --> 00:45:06,163
Sorry, uh, Aunt Cathy,
Uncle Drew and Olivia.
848
00:45:06,329 --> 00:45:09,879
And we don't like long engagements,
so we are getting married
849
00:45:10,041 --> 00:45:11,543
here, tonight.
850
00:45:12,919 --> 00:45:14,592
Zella is our registered civil officiant.
851
00:45:14,754 --> 00:45:17,382
Oh, and, uh, Mom,
I got your wedding dress altered.
852
00:45:17,548 --> 00:45:18,595
I hope that's okay.
853
00:45:18,758 --> 00:45:20,431
Becky's gonna be
Nicole's maid of honor.
854
00:45:20,593 --> 00:45:22,220
- Wallace...
- Here!
855
00:45:22,386 --> 00:45:24,480
Is gonna be my best man.
Thank you very much.
856
00:45:24,639 --> 00:45:26,733
Everyone stay away
from my Uncle Herman. All right.
857
00:45:33,356 --> 00:45:36,156
Okay, I... Like, I don't need you
finger-combing my wisps. I'm serious.
858
00:45:36,275 --> 00:45:37,635
- You look pretty.
- Nicole?
859
00:45:37,777 --> 00:45:38,949
I've been sent to get an ETA.
860
00:45:39,111 --> 00:45:40,511
- Oh, is that Wallace?
- Yes.
861
00:45:40,655 --> 00:45:42,407
Just come in.
862
00:45:42,573 --> 00:45:43,745
Oh, wow, you look amazing.
863
00:45:43,908 --> 00:45:45,160
Yes. Becky, seriously,
864
00:45:45,326 --> 00:45:47,203
if I don't get some alcohol,
I'm gonna panic.
865
00:45:47,370 --> 00:45:48,997
- Hey, I'll go.
- No, no, no, you stay.
866
00:45:49,163 --> 00:45:52,292
Becky's more nervous than I am, and
frankly, it's wigging me out. Now, go.
867
00:45:52,708 --> 00:45:54,460
You, stay, talk to me.
868
00:45:58,381 --> 00:46:00,804
- So...
- So?
869
00:46:01,509 --> 00:46:03,853
- So.
- What?
870
00:46:04,011 --> 00:46:05,388
Why are you torturing yourself
871
00:46:05,554 --> 00:46:08,774
over a ten-second conversation with
Chantry that would answer everything?
872
00:46:08,933 --> 00:46:09,980
It's your wedding day.
873
00:46:10,142 --> 00:46:12,440
- Can we talk about you?
- Exactly. It's my wedding day.
874
00:46:12,603 --> 00:46:14,401
As best man,
it's your job to keep me calm
875
00:46:14,563 --> 00:46:17,043
so that I don't crawl out that window
and go and bang a sailor.
876
00:46:17,191 --> 00:46:19,614
- Where are you gonna find a sailor?
- At the dock.
877
00:46:20,194 --> 00:46:22,492
God, what's the best-case scenario?
878
00:46:22,655 --> 00:46:26,080
"Wallace, I love you. Let's have sex
forever until we die having sex"?
879
00:46:26,242 --> 00:46:27,482
That is the best-case scenario.
880
00:46:27,618 --> 00:46:29,666
Okay, and what's
the worst-case scenario?
881
00:46:29,829 --> 00:46:31,190
"Wallace, you shit-drizzling liar.
882
00:46:31,330 --> 00:46:34,584
This whole time, you've just been
trying to put your junk inside my trunk."
883
00:46:34,750 --> 00:46:36,423
Anything involving the phrase
“put your junk inside my trunk"
884
00:46:36,585 --> 00:46:38,303
actually would be
the worst-case scenario.
885
00:46:38,462 --> 00:46:41,466
Look, the one thing
I like about getting married
886
00:46:41,632 --> 00:46:44,135
is that you get to stand up
in front of everyone you care about
887
00:46:44,302 --> 00:46:48,773
and state, for the record, that you
believe in the best-case scenario.
888
00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:51,517
It terrifies me,
889
00:46:51,684 --> 00:46:53,402
but that's why the outfits
are so nice.
890
00:46:54,770 --> 00:46:56,272
Okay.
891
00:46:59,567 --> 00:47:00,910
- Thanks.
- Cheers.
892
00:47:20,129 --> 00:47:23,599
I got her! She's mine! My wife.
893
00:47:24,175 --> 00:47:25,973
Yeah. Mommy!
894
00:47:26,552 --> 00:47:28,520
I can't believe no one stopped that.
895
00:47:28,679 --> 00:47:29,726
Nice.
896
00:47:30,473 --> 00:47:35,821
And I learned a lot of lessons that night
about gambling addictions
897
00:47:35,978 --> 00:47:37,605
and identity theft
898
00:47:37,772 --> 00:47:40,446
and the Romanian legal system,
899
00:47:40,608 --> 00:47:45,580
but the most important lesson
I learned was from Nicole,
900
00:47:45,738 --> 00:47:48,036
and it was about friendship.
901
00:47:48,199 --> 00:47:49,746
I love you, Nicole.
902
00:47:50,368 --> 00:47:51,494
Oh, so much fun.
903
00:47:51,660 --> 00:47:54,163
- Yay!
- Yay.
904
00:47:54,330 --> 00:47:56,048
Look at you.
You didn't even practice.
905
00:47:56,207 --> 00:47:57,459
Whoo! Go, Wallace!
906
00:47:57,625 --> 00:48:00,003
- Go, Wallace!
- Uh, thank you, thank you.
907
00:48:00,378 --> 00:48:03,803
To those of us who begrudgingly
call Allan a friend...
908
00:48:05,174 --> 00:48:08,223
it seems impossible that any woman
could handle him for an hour,
909
00:48:08,386 --> 00:48:09,763
let alone a lifetime.
910
00:48:10,346 --> 00:48:11,973
And then you meet Nicole,
911
00:48:12,139 --> 00:48:13,641
and that is the good news here.
912
00:48:13,808 --> 00:48:16,311
Um, if these two can find each other,
913
00:48:16,477 --> 00:48:19,731
then there truly
is somebody for everyone.
914
00:48:19,897 --> 00:48:21,865
The bad news is that one day,
they will procreate,
915
00:48:22,024 --> 00:48:24,652
and their hideous offspring
will obviously cause the Apocalypse.
916
00:48:24,944 --> 00:48:27,663
But tonight,
we celebrate the good news.
917
00:48:27,822 --> 00:48:31,372
I remember the night
Allan and Nicole met,
918
00:48:31,534 --> 00:48:34,708
and that instant connection.
919
00:48:34,870 --> 00:48:36,918
You know, if you're lucky,
920
00:48:37,081 --> 00:48:38,298
it happens once in a lifetime,
921
00:48:39,166 --> 00:48:42,966
and if you're unlucky,
then you have to come to weddings
922
00:48:43,129 --> 00:48:44,802
and hear people like me
talking about it,
923
00:48:44,964 --> 00:48:47,467
and assume that we are all
hopeless romantics.
924
00:48:47,633 --> 00:48:48,680
Um...
925
00:48:49,760 --> 00:48:52,809
It's very easy
to be cynical about love,
926
00:48:52,972 --> 00:48:56,142
but this, tonight, this is hard.
927
00:48:57,893 --> 00:48:59,611
So to Allan and Nicole,
928
00:48:59,770 --> 00:49:01,693
for making the hard way
look easy.
929
00:49:01,856 --> 00:49:04,826
- Cheers!
- To Allan and Nicole.
930
00:49:06,902 --> 00:49:08,575
All right, thanks, everyone.
931
00:49:08,737 --> 00:49:09,784
Um...
932
00:49:10,364 --> 00:49:11,786
Yep. That's it.
933
00:49:26,797 --> 00:49:28,640
Perfect timing.
934
00:50:02,041 --> 00:50:05,420
Are you sure?
It's so near here for me.
935
00:50:05,586 --> 00:50:08,339
Oh, yeah, no, I'm all about
the door-to-door service.
936
00:50:09,507 --> 00:50:11,100
- Heh.
- Okay.
937
00:50:12,426 --> 00:50:14,349
- Let me out?
- Sure.
938
00:50:14,512 --> 00:50:16,514
Unh. Oh, gosh. German cars.
939
00:50:19,141 --> 00:50:21,018
Good night.
940
00:50:21,727 --> 00:50:23,479
Wallace, you clean up nice.
941
00:50:23,646 --> 00:50:26,320
Yes, so do you.
942
00:50:26,482 --> 00:50:28,155
- Okay.
- Good night.
943
00:50:31,529 --> 00:50:32,576
Bye!
944
00:50:32,738 --> 00:50:33,910
- Bye.
- Bye.
945
00:50:48,087 --> 00:50:50,590
Great. Thank you very much.
946
00:50:51,423 --> 00:50:53,266
Listen,
947
00:50:53,425 --> 00:50:56,099
I don't think it's a good idea for me
to come inside with you.
948
00:50:57,179 --> 00:50:59,557
- What?
- Heh. Don't get all mad.
949
00:50:59,723 --> 00:51:02,192
If you're gonna get mad,
I guess we could make out,
950
00:51:02,351 --> 00:51:04,900
- but we are not having sex.
- Uh, no.
951
00:51:05,062 --> 00:51:07,485
Um, I'm not sure that's a good idea.
952
00:51:07,648 --> 00:51:09,696
Why? Because I won't
have sex with you? Pfft.
953
00:51:09,858 --> 00:51:11,906
That's really nice, Wallace.
954
00:51:12,069 --> 00:51:13,537
Uh, no, that's not what I meant.
955
00:51:15,239 --> 00:51:16,661
I know, I'm just kidding.
956
00:51:16,824 --> 00:51:19,748
Oh, right.
What part are you kidding about?
957
00:51:19,910 --> 00:51:22,629
- All of it.
- I'm very confused by this conversation.
958
00:51:22,997 --> 00:51:25,045
Fine, let's go inside.
959
00:51:31,005 --> 00:51:34,976
- Dude, my sister. Sweet score.
- Um, no, this isn't what it looks like.
960
00:51:35,551 --> 00:51:38,304
Well, okay.
Yeah, it is, it is what it looks like.
961
00:51:38,470 --> 00:51:42,850
She's super-hot. Plus, she's 99 percent
genetically identical to me, so...
962
00:51:43,309 --> 00:51:47,314
Anyway, have fun
making out with my sister.
963
00:51:47,479 --> 00:51:50,528
Um, actually, just FYI,
if you do go through with this,
964
00:51:50,691 --> 00:51:52,659
you can be pretty much
absolutely positive
965
00:51:52,818 --> 00:51:56,539
I will never, ever, ever, ever
have sex with you ever.
966
00:51:57,072 --> 00:51:58,790
Bam!
967
00:52:00,492 --> 00:52:01,539
Ever!
968
00:52:02,453 --> 00:52:03,500
Um, I'm sorry.
969
00:52:03,662 --> 00:52:08,589
Dalia, I... Look, I think... I think
you're great, but, um, I can't do this.
970
00:52:08,751 --> 00:52:11,800
Heh. Great?
You think I'm great? I don't...
971
00:52:11,962 --> 00:52:13,805
I don't throw myself at guys,
like, ever.
972
00:52:13,964 --> 00:52:16,934
I made an exception for you because
you were cute, and you think I'm great?
973
00:52:17,092 --> 00:52:18,639
- Great?
- Um...
974
00:52:18,802 --> 00:52:20,395
- Get the fuck out!
- Sorry.
975
00:52:20,554 --> 00:52:21,897
- Um...
- God, get your...
976
00:52:22,348 --> 00:52:23,748
- Get out faster!
- Okay, I'm going!
977
00:52:23,891 --> 00:52:24,926
Ow!
978
00:52:24,939 --> 00:52:25,985
I can't believe I got
a Brazilian for this!
979
00:52:26,143 --> 00:52:29,272
- Goodbye!
- Jesus!
980
00:52:43,827 --> 00:52:47,172
- Hello?
- Ben. Hi.
981
00:52:47,331 --> 00:52:48,833
- Hi. Are you okay?
- Hi.
982
00:52:48,999 --> 00:52:50,592
It's the middle of the night there.
983
00:52:50,751 --> 00:52:52,094
I'm really good.
984
00:52:52,252 --> 00:52:55,426
- I'm really just a little bit drunk.
- Okay, but...
985
00:52:55,589 --> 00:53:00,060
And I'm wearing
such a fancy, fancy dress.
986
00:53:00,219 --> 00:53:01,721
- I see.
- Um, hang on a second.
987
00:53:01,887 --> 00:53:03,059
- But...
- Hang on a second.
988
00:53:03,222 --> 00:53:04,895
Listen very closely, okay?
989
00:53:05,057 --> 00:53:07,435
- Okay.
- Really closely.
990
00:53:07,601 --> 00:53:09,069
But...
991
00:53:11,647 --> 00:53:13,399
- Do you hear that?
- Mm-hm, I can, but...
992
00:53:13,565 --> 00:53:17,945
That's the sound of me unzipping
my very, very fancy dress.
993
00:53:18,112 --> 00:53:21,207
- Well, that's good news.
- That I happen to be wearing
994
00:53:21,365 --> 00:53:23,868
really cute panties under.
995
00:53:24,034 --> 00:53:25,786
- You are?
- And also, like, a bra
996
00:53:25,953 --> 00:53:28,957
that totally, totally matches.
997
00:53:29,123 --> 00:53:32,627
- Chantry...
- Can you picture me in them?
998
00:53:32,793 --> 00:53:35,546
Hey, can you picture me out of them?
999
00:53:35,713 --> 00:53:37,340
I... I... I definitely can.
1000
00:53:37,506 --> 00:53:41,056
The thing is, I'm just in the, uh, middle
of the Brazilian presentation now.
1001
00:53:41,218 --> 00:53:44,563
That's not to say I, um,
don't fully support the concept.
1002
00:53:44,722 --> 00:53:46,770
It sounds very interesting.
1003
00:53:46,932 --> 00:53:51,654
And, um, I would love to continue
discussing it at a later time.
1004
00:53:51,812 --> 00:53:54,156
Okay, I'll confirm. Bye.
1005
00:53:57,443 --> 00:53:59,821
Sir. Please, carry on.
1006
00:54:00,112 --> 00:54:01,659
- It's good?
- Oh, yeah.
1007
00:54:24,344 --> 00:54:27,314
You never asked me what
happened with Wallace the other night.
1008
00:54:27,473 --> 00:54:30,067
I'm respecting your privacy.
1009
00:54:30,225 --> 00:54:33,024
He's a big, stupid, fat jerk.
1010
00:54:33,187 --> 00:54:34,814
I hate him.
1011
00:54:34,980 --> 00:54:36,277
Okay.
1012
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:38,067
He propositioned me.
1013
00:54:38,233 --> 00:54:42,363
He said, like, dirty, disgusting
things he wanted to do to me.
1014
00:54:42,529 --> 00:54:44,497
Me, your little sister.
1015
00:54:44,656 --> 00:54:45,782
That's so terrible.
1016
00:54:45,949 --> 00:54:48,122
I know, and so I told him,
"I'm not that kind of girl,"
1017
00:54:48,285 --> 00:54:49,753
and he just, like, flew into a rage,
1018
00:54:49,912 --> 00:54:53,542
and he attacked me and tried to break
all my fingers and poke my eyeballs out.
1019
00:54:53,707 --> 00:54:55,709
So the cops had to come
and pull him off me.
1020
00:54:55,876 --> 00:54:57,628
- The cops came?
- Yeah.
1021
00:54:57,795 --> 00:55:00,674
And then he just shot them all
in the face, and they all died.
1022
00:55:00,839 --> 00:55:03,279
And some of them had kids
and they'll never know their father.
1023
00:55:03,425 --> 00:55:05,393
He didn't even care.
He was just, like, laughing
1024
00:55:05,552 --> 00:55:08,021
and shooting them all,
and he had a huge chubby.
1025
00:55:08,263 --> 00:55:10,663
And then he said he was gonna
come to your house and kill you
1026
00:55:10,808 --> 00:55:12,276
while you were sleeping.
1027
00:55:12,434 --> 00:55:15,438
Yeah, that sounds
exactly like Wallace.
1028
00:55:15,604 --> 00:55:17,606
Have you talked to him lately?
1029
00:55:17,773 --> 00:55:19,366
No.
1030
00:55:20,484 --> 00:55:22,282
So he didn't say anything about me
1031
00:55:22,444 --> 00:55:25,573
completely humiliating myself
in front of him?
1032
00:55:25,739 --> 00:55:27,707
No.
1033
00:55:27,866 --> 00:55:29,493
He's a big, stupid, ugly jerk,
1034
00:55:29,660 --> 00:55:31,628
and you shouldn't be friends
with him anymore.
1035
00:55:31,787 --> 00:55:33,915
Okay.
1036
00:55:34,081 --> 00:55:36,254
Look how pregnant
I can make myself look.
1037
00:55:38,919 --> 00:55:40,262
You want to feel my baby?
1038
00:55:40,420 --> 00:55:42,138
It's so hard.
1039
00:55:42,297 --> 00:55:44,095
- Oh, my God, it kicked!
- Shut up. Heh-heh.
1040
00:55:44,967 --> 00:55:46,560
I'm gonna make you raise it.
1041
00:55:51,306 --> 00:55:52,353
I'm firing Josh.
1042
00:55:52,516 --> 00:55:54,564
The Taiwan team hates him,
nobody listens to him.
1043
00:55:54,726 --> 00:55:57,570
On the plus side, I hear
he's banging enough Taiwanese girls
1044
00:55:57,729 --> 00:55:59,276
to qualify for
the douche-bag Olympics.
1045
00:55:59,439 --> 00:56:00,691
So there's a silver lining.
1046
00:56:00,858 --> 00:56:02,610
That's, um, unfortunate.
1047
00:56:02,776 --> 00:56:05,871
I need someone full-time in Taiwan
to clean up Josh's mess.
1048
00:56:06,029 --> 00:56:07,076
I want it to be you.
1049
00:56:07,239 --> 00:56:08,840
I mean, this whole thing
is your concept.
1050
00:56:08,991 --> 00:56:11,031
If we had had you as project manager
from the start,
1051
00:56:11,159 --> 00:56:13,279
- we'd have saved a lot of time.
- Honestly, I just...
1052
00:56:13,370 --> 00:56:16,544
I don't even know if I would enjoy
being the project manager, so...
1053
00:56:16,707 --> 00:56:18,584
You get an apartment, car,
language lessons.
1054
00:56:18,750 --> 00:56:20,172
- Yeah.
- Obviously a raise.
1055
00:56:20,335 --> 00:56:22,015
I need your answer
by the end of the month.
1056
00:56:22,170 --> 00:56:25,470
And to be clear, this is the last time
I offer you a promotion.
1057
00:56:25,632 --> 00:56:28,101
Okay. I got it.
1058
00:56:29,469 --> 00:56:30,516
Holly, um...
1059
00:56:32,097 --> 00:56:33,849
I'm gonna think about it,
I promise.
1060
00:56:40,689 --> 00:56:44,034
So I was reading
this thing about how, um,
1061
00:56:44,192 --> 00:56:48,038
when, uh, they were trying
to name Cool Whip,
1062
00:56:48,196 --> 00:56:51,120
they came up with 10,000 ideas.
1063
00:56:51,283 --> 00:56:53,627
Like, they brainstormed
10,000 ideas.
1064
00:56:53,785 --> 00:56:55,465
And none of them
were as good as Cool Whip?
1065
00:56:55,621 --> 00:56:57,589
No, Cool Whip was the best.
That's what they said.
1066
00:56:57,748 --> 00:57:00,968
And they said, "Just try to, like,
think of, like, ten of your own,"
1067
00:57:01,126 --> 00:57:05,302
just to see, like, um, how hard it is.
1068
00:57:05,464 --> 00:57:06,886
- Cool Puff.
- Puffy Whip.
1069
00:57:07,049 --> 00:57:08,426
- Creamy Dream.
- Zit Topping.
1070
00:57:08,592 --> 00:57:09,969
- Angel Puff.
- Angel Gas.
1071
00:57:10,135 --> 00:57:12,763
Bruce Springscream
and the E-Foam Band.
1072
00:57:12,930 --> 00:57:15,058
- Puffin' Lovin'.
- Dump That Puff on My Face.
1073
00:57:15,223 --> 00:57:16,725
Whip-Master Cool
and the Puff Brigade.
1074
00:57:16,892 --> 00:57:18,412
- Ha-ha-ha.
- Stuff Me with Puff.
1075
00:57:18,477 --> 00:57:19,854
Sir Puff-A-Lot's Whipped Foam.
1076
00:57:20,020 --> 00:57:21,380
Non-Hodgkin's Cream-Foam-A.
1077
00:57:21,438 --> 00:57:24,032
- Shove This Shit on Food.
- Whip-Whippy-Whippy Pippitins.
1078
00:57:26,568 --> 00:57:28,115
- So how many is that?
- I don't know.
1079
00:57:28,278 --> 00:57:29,871
- Yeah, it's not that hard.
- No.
1080
00:57:30,030 --> 00:57:31,657
- No.
- Let's go swimming!
1081
00:57:34,159 --> 00:57:37,584
- I didn't bring my suit, did you?
- No.
1082
00:57:37,955 --> 00:57:40,208
- We take our clothes off?
- Yeah.
1083
00:57:41,583 --> 00:57:43,263
- You gonna come get me?
- Yeah!
1084
00:57:43,293 --> 00:57:45,466
Are you gonna come get me?
Aah! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
1085
00:57:45,629 --> 00:57:47,723
Ow! You're hitting me!
1086
00:57:47,881 --> 00:57:50,134
- Ha-ha-ha!
- It's very warm.
1087
00:57:50,300 --> 00:57:52,018
Ooh! It's cold! It's cold!
Ha-ha!
1088
00:57:52,177 --> 00:57:53,224
It's cold.
1089
00:57:53,387 --> 00:57:55,185
It's cold!
1090
00:57:56,056 --> 00:57:57,353
Allan!
1091
00:58:00,477 --> 00:58:02,275
Ow! Don't!
1092
00:58:06,984 --> 00:58:09,362
Do you want to go swimming?
1093
00:58:10,779 --> 00:58:12,406
Yeah.
1094
00:58:20,831 --> 00:58:22,128
Do you think it'll be cold?
1095
00:58:22,290 --> 00:58:23,883
Yep.
1096
00:58:54,698 --> 00:58:57,076
You've got a tattoo.
1097
00:58:57,242 --> 00:58:58,994
Yeah.
1098
00:59:00,495 --> 00:59:02,873
- Yeah, it's, um...
- It... I know, it's...
1099
00:59:03,457 --> 00:59:05,505
It's your mom, right?
1100
00:59:08,879 --> 00:59:10,301
- Oh, God!
- What?
1101
00:59:10,464 --> 00:59:12,387
Something just...
Something just touched my foot.
1102
00:59:12,549 --> 00:59:14,017
- Okay.
- No, it was really gross.
1103
00:59:14,176 --> 00:59:15,678
- Okay.
- It's not funny.
1104
00:59:15,844 --> 00:59:16,891
That was funny.
1105
00:59:19,931 --> 00:59:21,353
Oh...
1106
00:59:25,187 --> 00:59:28,782
- Oh, wow.
- Oh, yeah. Wow.
1107
00:59:30,233 --> 00:59:32,327
Wallace?
1108
00:59:33,028 --> 00:59:34,496
Yes?
1109
00:59:35,113 --> 00:59:37,332
I'll look if you look.
1110
00:59:39,951 --> 00:59:41,294
Okay.
1111
01:00:04,309 --> 01:00:06,403
Where are our clothes?
1112
01:00:07,104 --> 01:00:10,699
- Did we drift further down?
- No, the fire's right there.
1113
01:00:12,692 --> 01:00:15,320
Yeah, they took our clothes.
1114
01:00:27,582 --> 01:00:29,084
Oh, God.
1115
01:00:36,049 --> 01:00:37,847
The car is gone.
1116
01:00:38,009 --> 01:00:40,262
God, how'd it get so cold?
It wasn't cold at all before.
1117
01:00:40,428 --> 01:00:42,180
It was, like, a warm night.
1118
01:00:42,347 --> 01:00:45,442
Okay, um, you keep the sleeping bag
and I will figure something out.
1119
01:00:45,600 --> 01:00:48,069
No, I can't let you just, like,
spend the night on the sand,
1120
01:00:48,228 --> 01:00:51,107
like, all cold and wet
and naked like a walrus.
1121
01:00:53,150 --> 01:00:54,697
Do you think that's funny?
1122
01:00:55,026 --> 01:00:57,245
Do you think this is, like,
some hilarious prank
1123
01:00:57,404 --> 01:01:00,499
played on us by our wacky pals?
Because I don't.
1124
01:01:00,657 --> 01:01:02,455
I thought you were trying
to lighten the mood
1125
01:01:02,617 --> 01:01:04,915
with a mildly amusing joke
involving a walrus.
1126
01:01:05,078 --> 01:01:08,048
I'm sorry if I misunderstood the
seriousness of your walrus reference.
1127
01:01:08,206 --> 01:01:09,423
Don't be an asshole.
1128
01:01:09,583 --> 01:01:12,177
- I'm not being an arsehole.
- You are. You are being an asshole.
1129
01:01:12,335 --> 01:01:14,058
You're not taking this
seriously, and you're
1130
01:01:14,071 --> 01:01:15,805
treating it like a
joke, and it's not.
1131
01:01:15,964 --> 01:01:19,468
There is a line, a line that should not
be crossed, and they crossed it.
1132
01:01:19,634 --> 01:01:22,513
And you know what? Treating it
like a joke is being an asshole.
1133
01:01:22,679 --> 01:01:25,023
I'm not treating this like a joke,
and I am not being an arsehole.
1134
01:01:25,182 --> 01:01:27,150
Allan is being an arsehole,
Nicole is being an arsehole,
1135
01:01:27,309 --> 01:01:28,910
and right now,
you are being an arsehole.
1136
01:01:29,019 --> 01:01:31,021
Me? I'm standing here with a branch.
1137
01:01:31,188 --> 01:01:34,863
A branch that cuts down zero percent
of the wind-chill factor on my dick.
1138
01:01:35,025 --> 01:01:36,785
I've got a branch,
you've got a sleeping bag.
1139
01:01:36,943 --> 01:01:39,071
How does that make me an arsehole?
1140
01:01:39,821 --> 01:01:42,040
- Fine.
- Fine? What does "fine" mean?
1141
01:01:42,199 --> 01:01:44,998
Fine! It means we'll share.
1142
01:01:59,966 --> 01:02:01,639
Ah.
1143
01:02:06,640 --> 01:02:09,189
- Chantry?
- What?
1144
01:02:09,351 --> 01:02:11,649
They brought our clothes back.
1145
01:02:27,494 --> 01:02:29,174
- I'll never doubt you again.
- Mm-hm.
1146
01:02:35,669 --> 01:02:38,172
Hey, you guys have fun last night?
1147
01:02:42,884 --> 01:02:44,306
Hey.
1148
01:02:46,721 --> 01:02:49,270
- Sleep well?
- You're an arsehole.
1149
01:04:15,143 --> 01:04:16,190
Ben.
1150
01:04:17,437 --> 01:04:18,563
Chantry?
1151
01:04:21,691 --> 01:04:23,491
Julianne is part of
the Argentinean team.
1152
01:04:23,651 --> 01:04:25,574
She lives in the apartment
next door.
1153
01:04:25,737 --> 01:04:28,741
A bunch of us went for a drink after
work, and I was just helping her home.
1154
01:04:28,907 --> 01:04:30,387
Ben, I'm not accusing you
of anything.
1155
01:04:30,533 --> 01:04:32,080
You need not worry about his fidelity.
1156
01:04:32,243 --> 01:04:35,087
I'm not some beautiful
but morally corrupt Argentine girl.
1157
01:04:35,246 --> 01:04:36,793
Why didn't you tell me
you were coming?
1158
01:04:36,956 --> 01:04:39,755
Because I wanted
to surprise you.
1159
01:04:39,918 --> 01:04:40,965
Surprise.
1160
01:04:41,127 --> 01:04:43,926
Okay, I need to go
to my apartment now,
1161
01:04:44,089 --> 01:04:46,933
and stuff old socks in my ears
1162
01:04:47,092 --> 01:04:49,220
so I don't hear your lovemaking
through the wall.
1163
01:04:49,386 --> 01:04:51,263
And I'm keeping this meat.
1164
01:04:51,805 --> 01:04:54,058
Good night.
Sorry, you... You startled me.
1165
01:04:54,224 --> 01:04:56,443
This isn't how I planned
to welcome you to Dublin.
1166
01:04:56,935 --> 01:04:58,312
Are you still startled?
1167
01:04:58,478 --> 01:05:00,196
Should I get you some warm milk?
1168
01:05:02,232 --> 01:05:03,859
Welcome to Dublin.
1169
01:05:52,282 --> 01:05:55,081
So, um, I was reading this thing
about, uh,
1170
01:05:55,243 --> 01:05:57,803
how when they were trying to come up
with the name for Cool Whip,
1171
01:05:57,954 --> 01:06:00,155
- they brainstormed 10,000 ideas...
- What is Cool Whip?
1172
01:06:00,290 --> 01:06:02,543
It's a kind of processed cream.
Comes in a spray can.
1173
01:06:02,709 --> 01:06:03,756
- Ah!
- Or in a tub.
1174
01:06:03,918 --> 01:06:05,010
I've had the Cool Whip.
1175
01:06:05,170 --> 01:06:07,639
I prefer the fresh whipped cream.
1176
01:06:07,797 --> 01:06:10,558
Well, when they were trying to come
up with the name for that product,
1177
01:06:10,717 --> 01:06:13,470
uh, they brainstormed
10,000 ideas,
1178
01:06:13,636 --> 01:06:17,641
and they said try to come up with ten
of your own just to see how hard it is.
1179
01:06:17,807 --> 01:06:21,482
Like Puffy Whip,
or Whip... Wiffy Puff.
1180
01:06:21,644 --> 01:06:23,692
Puffy Air. Whippy Air.
1181
01:06:23,855 --> 01:06:26,153
Um, Cow Mixture?
1182
01:06:26,316 --> 01:06:28,444
- Sweet Dreams?
- Sweet Dreams.
1183
01:06:28,985 --> 01:06:30,532
Cotton Vul-candi-cow?
1184
01:06:30,695 --> 01:06:31,947
It could be one.
1185
01:06:32,113 --> 01:06:33,706
Cloudy Cow?
1186
01:06:34,949 --> 01:06:38,328
So you must be
really proud of our Benji.
1187
01:06:38,495 --> 01:06:40,338
- Yeah.
- He has the Brazilians on the run.
1188
01:06:40,497 --> 01:06:43,626
Heh-heh-heh. You know he has
the whole negotiation in his hands?
1189
01:06:43,791 --> 01:06:46,089
We're so happy that he's able
to stay another six months.
1190
01:06:46,252 --> 01:06:48,596
And his Portuguese
is really coming on.
1191
01:06:48,755 --> 01:06:51,725
He's going to be so good
by the time we get to Rio de Janeiro...
1192
01:06:51,883 --> 01:06:53,385
I haven't accepted the offer yet.
1193
01:06:53,551 --> 01:06:56,145
Obviously, I was planning
on talking to you about it first,
1194
01:06:56,304 --> 01:06:58,056
but I mean, I love it here.
1195
01:06:58,223 --> 01:07:02,273
Not just the work.
The people, the culture, the music.
1196
01:07:02,435 --> 01:07:04,108
You never asked me
to move here with you.
1197
01:07:04,270 --> 01:07:06,193
When you got the job,
you never asked me to come.
1198
01:07:06,356 --> 01:07:07,983
I didn't want to ask you
to quit a job.
1199
01:07:08,149 --> 01:07:10,151
- And I mean, you never offered.
- You never asked.
1200
01:07:10,318 --> 01:07:12,992
Well, okay, I'm asking you now.
1201
01:07:13,154 --> 01:07:15,373
I mean, there must be
animation companies here.
1202
01:07:15,532 --> 01:07:17,412
I couldn't do that to Holly.
She's been generous
1203
01:07:17,534 --> 01:07:19,161
giving me this week
to make my decision.
1204
01:07:19,327 --> 01:07:22,627
Okay, so take the job.
It doesn't have to be a bad thing.
1205
01:07:22,789 --> 01:07:24,132
You'd be in Taipei, I'd be here.
1206
01:07:24,290 --> 01:07:25,382
We can meet in the middle.
1207
01:07:25,542 --> 01:07:26,589
Like in Toronto?
1208
01:07:26,751 --> 01:07:30,130
No, like Tel Aviv,
Istanbul, Mumbai...
1209
01:07:30,296 --> 01:07:33,140
It'll be a story
we can tell our kids.
1210
01:07:33,383 --> 01:07:35,886
- It's romantic.
- Sounds lonely.
1211
01:07:36,052 --> 01:07:39,898
Look, I'm just trying
to make this work, okay?
1212
01:07:40,640 --> 01:07:41,937
Don't you wanna make this work?
1213
01:07:50,441 --> 01:07:52,910
Did you guys want to borrow
some of my balls?
1214
01:07:53,194 --> 01:07:56,949
I think someone sharted
and it might be Mrs. Cole.
1215
01:07:57,115 --> 01:07:59,584
Everyone, check.
Check. Sham check.
1216
01:07:59,742 --> 01:08:01,710
You can look it up
on Urban Dictionary.
1217
01:08:01,869 --> 01:08:05,373
Fail. You couldn't find that stone
if it was in your kidney.
1218
01:08:05,540 --> 01:08:07,588
I can see your back acne
through your blouse.
1219
01:08:07,750 --> 01:08:11,220
Look at you just drunkenly
spewing out joy like a shit Santa.
1220
01:08:11,379 --> 01:08:14,303
- Yep.
- That's you now, yeah?
1221
01:08:16,050 --> 01:08:18,348
Nicole's spending the night
at Becky's.
1222
01:08:18,511 --> 01:08:20,605
We had a fight.
1223
01:08:21,222 --> 01:08:23,896
First fight as a married couple.
1224
01:08:24,058 --> 01:08:26,026
Ta-da! You want a beer?
1225
01:08:26,185 --> 01:08:27,732
Sure.
1226
01:08:34,902 --> 01:08:38,202
So, um...
1227
01:08:38,865 --> 01:08:41,459
I'm sorry, okay?
1228
01:08:41,618 --> 01:08:44,371
I let Nicole talk me into it,
even though I knew it was a bad idea.
1229
01:08:44,537 --> 01:08:45,584
I'm not like you.
1230
01:08:45,747 --> 01:08:48,546
I can't hook up with somebody
if they're already with someone else.
1231
01:08:48,708 --> 01:08:51,211
It's wrong. It was wrong
when my parents did it to each other,
1232
01:08:51,377 --> 01:08:52,879
it was wrong
when Megan did it to me.
1233
01:08:53,046 --> 01:08:55,014
It was wrong when you and Nicole
did it to her ex.
1234
01:08:55,173 --> 01:08:57,847
You don't think the fact
that we got married kind of justifies it?
1235
01:08:58,009 --> 01:09:00,809
Not unless you want to be married
to someone who doesn't mind cheating.
1236
01:09:00,970 --> 01:09:03,473
Hey, that's my wife, okay?
1237
01:09:03,640 --> 01:09:06,985
Nicole talks a good game, but she's
been hurt like everybody else.
1238
01:09:07,143 --> 01:09:08,895
Her ex was a dick.
1239
01:09:09,062 --> 01:09:10,439
He treated her real bad.
1240
01:09:10,605 --> 01:09:11,652
It's complicated.
1241
01:09:11,814 --> 01:09:14,533
All this love shit's complicated.
And that's good.
1242
01:09:14,692 --> 01:09:17,036
Because if it's too simple,
you've got no reason to try.
1243
01:09:17,195 --> 01:09:19,948
And if you got no reason to try,
you don't.
1244
01:09:20,114 --> 01:09:24,164
Oh. Oh... Wait, I just described you.
1245
01:09:25,328 --> 01:09:27,171
You know what? Maybe you're right.
1246
01:09:27,330 --> 01:09:29,958
But either way,
you're an arsehole, Allan.
1247
01:09:36,589 --> 01:09:38,432
Hit a three-pointer!
1248
01:09:53,648 --> 01:09:55,946
- Hi.
- Hi.
1249
01:09:56,109 --> 01:09:57,782
Come in or whatever.
1250
01:09:58,111 --> 01:09:59,988
Uh...
1251
01:10:00,988 --> 01:10:02,706
I just jogged over here
to feed the cat.
1252
01:10:02,865 --> 01:10:04,945
If I don't shower right away
my pores get all clogged
1253
01:10:05,076 --> 01:10:07,420
and I get this, like, zit nest
on my forehead.
1254
01:10:07,578 --> 01:10:09,546
So, uh, why are you
feeding the cat?
1255
01:10:09,706 --> 01:10:11,128
So it doesn't starve to death.
1256
01:10:11,290 --> 01:10:13,839
- But why can't Chantry feed it?
- Because she flew to Dublin.
1257
01:10:14,794 --> 01:10:16,717
She flew to Dublin?
1258
01:10:16,879 --> 01:10:18,802
Yes, of course she did.
1259
01:10:20,091 --> 01:10:21,217
You like her.
1260
01:10:22,802 --> 01:10:24,270
You like Chantry.
1261
01:10:24,429 --> 01:10:26,590
Get in the shower.
I can see your blackheads from here.
1262
01:10:26,639 --> 01:10:29,392
No, don't get all snooty with me
just because you're so busted.
1263
01:10:29,559 --> 01:10:31,106
Look,
I'm not in love with your sister.
1264
01:10:31,269 --> 01:10:35,235
You are a nice-ish guy,
and you're amusing,
1265
01:10:35,398 --> 01:10:37,071
but Chantry loves Ben.
1266
01:10:37,233 --> 01:10:39,782
They're gonna get married
and live happily ever after.
1267
01:10:40,361 --> 01:10:43,365
You're just gonna be this guy that she
was friends with for a couple months.
1268
01:10:43,531 --> 01:10:46,751
"What was his name...?
Walter? I don't know."
1269
01:10:46,909 --> 01:10:49,958
So you just need to do whatever
you need to do to get over it, okay?
1270
01:10:50,288 --> 01:10:52,837
Because it's never gonna happen.
1271
01:11:08,473 --> 01:11:11,852
Welcome to
Dublin and thank you for flying with us.
1272
01:11:32,622 --> 01:11:33,965
Okay.
1273
01:11:39,504 --> 01:11:40,801
She's gone.
1274
01:11:42,590 --> 01:11:45,844
Is she coming back?
1275
01:11:59,941 --> 01:12:01,693
Hey, Wallace, it's Chantry.
1276
01:12:01,859 --> 01:12:02,906
I'm getting on a plane right now,
1277
01:12:03,069 --> 01:12:04,867
and I'm wondering
if you're free for lunch tomorrow
1278
01:12:05,029 --> 01:12:07,999
at, like, noon,
at the George Street Diner?
1279
01:12:08,157 --> 01:12:10,501
Uh, there's something
I want to talk to you about.
1280
01:12:12,578 --> 01:12:16,424
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
1281
01:12:16,582 --> 01:12:17,629
Taxi!
1282
01:12:19,961 --> 01:12:21,008
George Street Diner!
1283
01:12:22,213 --> 01:12:23,635
Shit!
1284
01:12:27,969 --> 01:12:29,516
Excuse me!
1285
01:12:43,901 --> 01:12:45,903
- Hi.
- Hey.
1286
01:12:47,238 --> 01:12:49,206
Oh, my God,
what did you do to yourself?
1287
01:12:49,365 --> 01:12:51,709
Oh, um, ninja attack.
1288
01:12:51,868 --> 01:12:53,791
Oh! The stupid ninjas.
1289
01:12:53,953 --> 01:12:55,045
- I know.
- I hate them.
1290
01:12:55,204 --> 01:12:58,003
Me too. Very annoying.
1291
01:13:00,167 --> 01:13:01,840
Oh, thank you.
1292
01:13:02,003 --> 01:13:03,846
I'm good.
1293
01:13:05,590 --> 01:13:07,592
- How you doing? Heh.
- Hi.
1294
01:13:08,092 --> 01:13:09,810
So I went to Dublin, right?
1295
01:13:09,969 --> 01:13:12,313
- Right. Yes.
- Yes. Listen...
1296
01:13:12,471 --> 01:13:14,072
There's a bunch of stuff
going on with me
1297
01:13:14,223 --> 01:13:16,772
that I haven't told you about
because...
1298
01:13:16,934 --> 01:13:20,029
I haven't been sure
what the right thing to do is.
1299
01:13:20,187 --> 01:13:21,780
Wallace, your face
just looks terrible.
1300
01:13:21,939 --> 01:13:25,614
Oh, no, don't worry about it, really.
Um, what were you gonna say?
1301
01:13:26,319 --> 01:13:29,698
Okay, so... Just that...
1302
01:13:30,865 --> 01:13:34,790
I've been having to do
a lot of big-picture thinking about...
1303
01:13:35,453 --> 01:13:38,878
Wallace, seriously, I cannot concentrate
because of your mangled head.
1304
01:13:39,040 --> 01:13:41,134
What did you do to yourself?
1305
01:13:41,292 --> 01:13:43,386
Did you hit yourself with something?
1306
01:13:43,544 --> 01:13:44,921
Car accident?
1307
01:13:45,087 --> 01:13:47,556
Did you walk into a door...?
1308
01:13:50,051 --> 01:13:51,268
Ben punched me.
1309
01:13:52,803 --> 01:13:54,976
I flew to Dublin.
1310
01:14:00,436 --> 01:14:01,733
Why did you fly to Dublin?
1311
01:14:02,563 --> 01:14:06,443
To tell you how I feel about you.
1312
01:14:07,652 --> 01:14:10,246
- That's not why.
- Well, I wanted to be honest with you.
1313
01:14:10,404 --> 01:14:12,202
You could have been
honest with me any time.
1314
01:14:12,615 --> 01:14:16,586
You flew to Dublin
to break up me and Ben.
1315
01:14:17,119 --> 01:14:18,712
Right?
1316
01:14:19,038 --> 01:14:20,585
Uh...
1317
01:14:21,457 --> 01:14:24,711
How long have you felt this way?
1318
01:14:26,253 --> 01:14:28,676
Pretty much since the clay we met.
1319
01:14:28,839 --> 01:14:31,092
So...
1320
01:14:31,258 --> 01:14:33,932
when I said "I have a boyfriend
and I just want to be friends"
1321
01:14:34,095 --> 01:14:36,296
and you said that's what
you wanted too, that was a lie?
1322
01:14:36,430 --> 01:14:38,683
- No. No. I wanted that to be true.
- But it wasn't.
1323
01:14:38,849 --> 01:14:41,068
- You never wanted to be my friend.
- We are friends.
1324
01:14:41,227 --> 01:14:46,028
I haven't just been trying to
put my junk inside your trunk.
1325
01:14:47,108 --> 01:14:50,282
I told Ben you weren't that kind of guy,
but you're totally that kind of guy.
1326
01:14:50,444 --> 01:14:53,244
God, he must think I'm such an idiot.
You must think I'm such an idiot.
1327
01:14:53,406 --> 01:14:54,686
- Of course not.
- I trusted you.
1328
01:14:54,824 --> 01:14:57,998
I trusted we were
what we said we were: Friends.
1329
01:14:58,160 --> 01:15:00,128
But you can't be friends
if you're skulking around
1330
01:15:00,287 --> 01:15:01,967
waiting for some opportunity
to screw them.
1331
01:15:02,123 --> 01:15:04,171
No! Look...
What are you talking about?
1332
01:15:04,333 --> 01:15:06,711
I'm not...
It's not like you've caught me
1333
01:15:06,877 --> 01:15:09,756
bathing in orphan blood
or masturbating in your kitchen.
1334
01:15:09,922 --> 01:15:11,595
I just...
1335
01:15:11,757 --> 01:15:14,556
I like you a little bit more romantically
than I let on.
1336
01:15:14,719 --> 01:15:15,766
It's not a crime.
1337
01:15:16,554 --> 01:15:19,603
And if it is,
you're not exactly innocent.
1338
01:15:20,307 --> 01:15:21,604
What's that supposed to mean?
1339
01:15:21,976 --> 01:15:24,980
You crossed all the same lines I did,
and I was single. You weren't.
1340
01:15:25,479 --> 01:15:27,698
I've never cheated on anybody.
1341
01:15:27,857 --> 01:15:30,280
And now you're making me feel like
I somehow cheated on Ben?
1342
01:15:30,443 --> 01:15:31,535
Wait. Hold on.
1343
01:15:31,694 --> 01:15:33,492
I'm making you feel like that?
1344
01:15:33,654 --> 01:15:36,203
What, and you did nothing
that I might possibly misconstrue?
1345
01:15:36,365 --> 01:15:39,289
That night on the beach?
"I'll look if you look"?
1346
01:15:39,452 --> 01:15:40,920
I mean...
1347
01:15:41,078 --> 01:15:42,439
What, did you tell Ben about that?
1348
01:15:48,502 --> 01:15:50,004
That was a mistake.
1349
01:15:50,171 --> 01:15:52,390
This was a mistake.
1350
01:15:54,050 --> 01:15:55,097
- I'm leaving.
- Please...
1351
01:15:55,259 --> 01:15:57,603
- No, Chantry, please...
- No, I'm leaving the country.
1352
01:15:57,762 --> 01:15:59,002
- You're moving to Dublin?
- No.
1353
01:15:59,305 --> 01:16:01,524
I've been offered a job in Taiwan.
1354
01:16:01,682 --> 01:16:03,025
I'm putting my career first.
1355
01:16:03,184 --> 01:16:06,233
So I'll be gone
soon, for a year.
1356
01:16:06,937 --> 01:16:08,814
Maybe more.
1357
01:16:09,398 --> 01:16:12,026
It's a really big promotion.
1358
01:16:14,528 --> 01:16:16,496
Congratulations.
1359
01:16:21,410 --> 01:16:22,457
See you around, Wallace.
1360
01:16:36,008 --> 01:16:38,431
- Uncle Wallace?
- Not right now, Felix.
1361
01:16:38,594 --> 01:16:42,519
- Can I talk to you?
- Felix, I said not right now!
1362
01:16:42,681 --> 01:16:45,025
I'm having a bad life.
1363
01:16:47,019 --> 01:16:48,521
What are you doing
that's so important
1364
01:16:48,687 --> 01:16:50,689
that you don't have time
for your nephew?
1365
01:16:50,856 --> 01:16:52,233
I'm not the kid's dad, all right?
1366
01:16:52,399 --> 01:16:54,697
- He's your responsibility, not mine.
- Fine.
1367
01:16:54,860 --> 01:16:56,112
I'm a bad mom.
1368
01:16:56,278 --> 01:16:57,655
And when Felix grows up,
1369
01:16:57,822 --> 01:17:00,245
he can blame me
for all his problems
1370
01:17:00,407 --> 01:17:01,847
and the circle of life can continue.
1371
01:17:01,992 --> 01:17:03,585
I'm doing the best I can.
1372
01:17:03,744 --> 01:17:06,418
Which is all any of us can do,
except you.
1373
01:17:06,580 --> 01:17:08,548
You are not doing
the best you can do! You...
1374
01:17:09,959 --> 01:17:12,553
What's wrong? What's wrong?
Are you choking?
1375
01:17:13,254 --> 01:17:15,097
Okay, I'm gonna try and Heimlich you.
1376
01:17:15,464 --> 01:17:16,807
Unh. Okay. Again.
1377
01:17:18,467 --> 01:17:19,810
- Big one!
- Unh!
1378
01:17:19,969 --> 01:17:21,016
Oh, God.
1379
01:17:28,060 --> 01:17:31,155
Ellie, you know
you're not a bad morn, right?
1380
01:17:31,313 --> 01:17:35,193
It wasn't my plan that you should be
my son's primary male role model.
1381
01:17:35,484 --> 01:17:37,578
But you are.
1382
01:17:38,362 --> 01:17:41,787
Mm... Mine.
1383
01:17:42,575 --> 01:17:44,452
Gross.
1384
01:17:44,618 --> 01:17:46,791
This expired months ago.
1385
01:17:46,954 --> 01:17:49,173
Yeah, it's probably Ben's.
1386
01:17:49,832 --> 01:17:52,506
So that's it?
You're just gonna throw it away?
1387
01:17:52,877 --> 01:17:54,845
Let me guess,
we're not talking about salsa.
1388
01:17:55,004 --> 01:17:57,177
I just think you're making
a huge mistake.
1389
01:17:57,339 --> 01:18:00,388
- You really think Taiwan's a mistake?
- Yes, I do.
1390
01:18:00,551 --> 01:18:03,145
I think you're totally
screwing up your life, actually.
1391
01:18:16,734 --> 01:18:18,452
Or not, maybe?
1392
01:18:18,611 --> 01:18:20,613
I just don't have any idea
what I'm doing.
1393
01:18:20,779 --> 01:18:23,578
I'm gonna be all the way over there,
and I'm not gonna have anybody.
1394
01:18:23,741 --> 01:18:26,836
I'm gonna be all alone, and I'm gonna
have all these responsibilities,
1395
01:18:26,994 --> 01:18:29,292
and then...
And you're gonna be so far away.
1396
01:18:29,455 --> 01:18:30,707
And Ben and...
1397
01:18:33,584 --> 01:18:35,837
And there's, you know...
1398
01:18:38,047 --> 01:18:39,424
Wallace?
1399
01:18:40,716 --> 01:18:42,468
Yeah.
1400
01:18:43,636 --> 01:18:45,638
Yeah. Have you heard from him?
1401
01:18:45,804 --> 01:18:49,058
No, but I think
I messed it up really bad.
1402
01:18:49,225 --> 01:18:51,648
I called him a liar.
1403
01:18:51,810 --> 01:18:53,403
And I think that I might be the liar.
1404
01:18:53,562 --> 01:18:55,360
- No.
- Yes.
1405
01:18:55,522 --> 01:18:58,241
I mean, I think it might count as lying
if you lie to yourself.
1406
01:18:58,400 --> 01:19:00,573
No. Come here.
1407
01:19:03,155 --> 01:19:05,328
Everything might have
turned out for the best.
1408
01:19:05,491 --> 01:19:09,212
I'm, um...
I'm going back to med school.
1409
01:19:09,370 --> 01:19:12,340
- I sent in my application today.
- Oh. So you just gave up?
1410
01:19:12,498 --> 01:19:14,296
Mm? No.
1411
01:19:14,458 --> 01:19:16,301
I'm not giving up. I'm going...
1412
01:19:16,460 --> 01:19:18,963
I'm getting back to the life
I was supposed to have by now.
1413
01:19:19,129 --> 01:19:21,803
When you're old and wrinkled
and your penis doesn't work anymore...
1414
01:19:21,966 --> 01:19:23,309
Not that it's in great shape now.
1415
01:19:23,467 --> 01:19:27,973
But in that old, wrinkled, dickless future,
will this seem like the right call?
1416
01:19:28,305 --> 01:19:31,559
Yes. I'll think dropping out of med
school because of a girl was stupid.
1417
01:19:31,725 --> 01:19:34,774
Not chasing after a girl who doesn't
want me was definitely smart.
1418
01:19:34,937 --> 01:19:35,984
I'm a doctor now.
1419
01:19:36,146 --> 01:19:40,117
I've saved probably millions of lives,
because I'm brilliant.
1420
01:19:40,276 --> 01:19:42,199
I cured the zombie epidemic.
You remember that?
1421
01:19:42,361 --> 01:19:44,363
I found the cure,
so you can all be grateful,
1422
01:19:44,530 --> 01:19:46,703
shut up and stop
questioning my decisions.
1423
01:19:46,865 --> 01:19:49,664
- Eh-eh. Eh...
- What?
1424
01:19:49,827 --> 01:19:52,671
Well, it was supposed
to be a secret,
1425
01:19:52,830 --> 01:19:58,508
but loose lips over here
knocked me up.
1426
01:19:58,669 --> 01:19:59,966
Oh, shit! Ha-ha.
1427
01:20:00,129 --> 01:20:01,631
You got a baby in you!
1428
01:20:01,797 --> 01:20:03,677
- Yeah, I know. I know.
- Congratulations!
1429
01:20:03,841 --> 01:20:06,219
Oh, that means the Apocalypse
has really started.
1430
01:20:06,385 --> 01:20:08,729
- That's great!
- Yay!
1431
01:20:08,887 --> 01:20:11,936
And you're the first person we told,
so you can't be mad at us anymore.
1432
01:20:13,225 --> 01:20:16,274
You have to forgive pregnant people
for anything they've ever done to you.
1433
01:20:16,437 --> 01:20:18,314
- It's like a federal law.
- Deal.
1434
01:20:18,480 --> 01:20:20,528
Wow.
I can't wait to meet this kid.
1435
01:20:20,691 --> 01:20:22,989
Yeah. And...
1436
01:20:23,152 --> 01:20:25,996
we're having a going-away party
for Chantry,
1437
01:20:26,155 --> 01:20:28,408
and you should come to it
to say goodbye.
1438
01:20:30,909 --> 01:20:32,206
No.
1439
01:20:32,369 --> 01:20:35,088
No, we already said our goodbyes.
1440
01:21:01,982 --> 01:21:04,405
- Wallace?
- No.
1441
01:21:09,990 --> 01:21:11,458
- It's nice.
- So slutty.
1442
01:21:11,617 --> 01:21:13,244
- No, it's not.
- Yeah, it is.
1443
01:21:40,521 --> 01:21:43,946
No, I think mine are normal
and yours are tiny.
1444
01:21:53,867 --> 01:21:55,267
I don't want you to leave.
1445
01:21:55,411 --> 01:21:57,505
- No.
- Me neither.
1446
01:22:00,332 --> 01:22:01,675
I'm sorry I'm late.
1447
01:22:03,961 --> 01:22:05,679
Bye. Skype me.
1448
01:22:05,838 --> 01:22:07,511
Be careful.
Take care of yourselves.
1449
01:22:07,673 --> 01:22:09,846
- I'm never gonna Skype.
- Call me tomorrow.
1450
01:22:10,008 --> 01:22:11,681
Bye.
1451
01:22:15,472 --> 01:22:17,474
- Hey.
- Hey.
1452
01:22:22,354 --> 01:22:24,402
- How are you?
- I'm great. How are you?
1453
01:22:24,565 --> 01:22:26,784
- Good.
- Good.
1454
01:22:27,192 --> 01:22:30,992
Um, so your new job
is going to be amazing.
1455
01:22:31,155 --> 01:22:32,998
Um, and you get to live in Asia.
1456
01:22:33,157 --> 01:22:35,159
- Yeah.
- I hear Taiwan is incredible.
1457
01:22:35,325 --> 01:22:37,544
Yeah, and you're gonna
go back to med school.
1458
01:22:37,703 --> 01:22:38,750
Yeah. Yes.
1459
01:22:38,912 --> 01:22:41,040
That is so great.
1460
01:22:42,332 --> 01:22:44,050
You think so?
1461
01:22:44,918 --> 01:22:46,920
No. Actually, I've always hated doctors,
1462
01:22:47,087 --> 01:22:49,556
so I pretty much think
you've become the Antichrist.
1463
01:22:49,715 --> 01:22:51,558
Right. And Taiwan is shit.
1464
01:22:51,717 --> 01:22:53,845
That was... Everything I said
a second ago was a lie.
1465
01:22:54,011 --> 01:22:55,731
And you're gonna have
an awful time because.
1466
01:22:55,888 --> 01:22:59,108
- Chantry means "syphilitic woman."
- Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
1467
01:22:59,266 --> 01:23:00,666
Well, at least it will be accurate.
1468
01:23:00,809 --> 01:23:02,982
- Yeah, right. Exactly.
- Yeah...
1469
01:23:03,145 --> 01:23:05,694
So how long until you see,
um, people just as, like,
1470
01:23:05,856 --> 01:23:08,075
slabs of meat that you can cut up
and sew back together,
1471
01:23:08,233 --> 01:23:10,736
and not, like, actual people
with, like, real feelings?
1472
01:23:10,903 --> 01:23:12,423
Oh, God,
hopefully as soon as possible.
1473
01:23:12,571 --> 01:23:14,118
I mean, I've been practicing at night
1474
01:23:14,281 --> 01:23:16,909
on tiny, defenseless animals
and homeless people.
1475
01:23:17,075 --> 01:23:19,475
Oh, good. That's actually what
homeless people are there for.
1476
01:23:19,620 --> 01:23:20,963
- Yes, I know.
- Yeah.
1477
01:23:21,121 --> 01:23:23,840
- They're all just bodies in waiting.
- Especially for a sociopath.
1478
01:23:23,999 --> 01:23:26,200
Especially for... Yeah, that...
But that's been my goal,
1479
01:23:26,335 --> 01:23:28,337
as you know:
Just to feel nothing.
1480
01:23:28,504 --> 01:23:32,304
Yeah, it wouldn't be
such a bad idea sometimes.
1481
01:23:33,258 --> 01:23:34,510
- So Dublin...
- It's okay.
1482
01:23:34,676 --> 01:23:36,394
No, it's not. I'm really sorry.
1483
01:23:36,553 --> 01:23:40,433
It was stupid, and I know Ben is
a good guy and he didn't deserve that.
1484
01:23:41,225 --> 01:23:43,774
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1485
01:23:43,977 --> 01:23:45,229
So are you two okay?
1486
01:23:47,272 --> 01:23:49,445
I'm not sure.
1487
01:23:50,609 --> 01:23:52,828
About anything.
1488
01:23:57,783 --> 01:24:00,707
So I got really creative
when I was cleaning out my fridge.
1489
01:24:00,869 --> 01:24:04,753
- Did you?
- And, um... I, uh...
1490
01:24:06,250 --> 01:24:08,252
I made you that.
1491
01:24:15,884 --> 01:24:18,933
It's, um... It's Fool's Gold.
1492
01:24:19,096 --> 01:24:24,193
I even coated the loaf in butter
as you are supposed to.
1493
01:24:24,351 --> 01:24:26,695
That's the real thing.
1494
01:24:28,230 --> 01:24:29,607
I can't believe you did this.
1495
01:24:32,401 --> 01:24:35,075
This is your going-away present.
1496
01:25:02,055 --> 01:25:04,274
I don't know what to say.
1497
01:25:07,769 --> 01:25:11,649
So I've thought a lot
about something you said.
1498
01:25:11,815 --> 01:25:15,365
About how,
when you realize how quickly
1499
01:25:15,527 --> 01:25:17,450
everything can fall apart,
1500
01:25:17,613 --> 01:25:21,743
it makes you never want to give up
anything good ever again.
1501
01:25:22,784 --> 01:25:25,628
Whatever this is between us,
1502
01:25:27,039 --> 01:25:29,292
it is good.
1503
01:25:29,458 --> 01:25:30,505
It is so good.
1504
01:25:30,667 --> 01:25:35,047
It is actually the best thing
that has ever happened to me,
1505
01:25:35,213 --> 01:25:38,012
and I don't want it to be over.
1506
01:25:42,471 --> 01:25:45,224
I don't want it to be over, either.
1507
01:25:52,564 --> 01:25:55,283
I kind of wish, you know, like,
1508
01:25:56,610 --> 01:26:00,285
we could invent
a time machine or something.
1509
01:26:01,573 --> 01:26:03,667
- If we ever invent time travel...
- Yeah?
1510
01:26:03,825 --> 01:26:06,749
I would go back
to the night we met.
1511
01:26:07,371 --> 01:26:09,840
- You would?
- Yes.
1512
01:26:15,045 --> 01:26:17,764
What would you do differently?
1513
01:26:18,590 --> 01:26:20,263
Nothing.
1514
01:26:23,387 --> 01:26:25,185
Me too.
1515
01:27:21,486 --> 01:27:23,784
Hey, Walter.
1516
01:27:24,781 --> 01:27:26,374
- Wallace.
- Oh, sorry.
1517
01:27:26,533 --> 01:27:28,410
It's just so weird seeing you here.
1518
01:27:28,577 --> 01:27:29,624
Yeah, really weird.
1519
01:27:29,786 --> 01:27:31,546
- Where have you just come in from?
- Taiwan.
1520
01:27:31,705 --> 01:27:33,207
You've been in Taiwan
this whole time?
1521
01:27:33,373 --> 01:27:38,129
Yeah, I was, and then I was doing
some traveling with my, um, fiancé.
1522
01:27:38,587 --> 01:27:39,679
You got engaged?
1523
01:27:39,838 --> 01:27:40,885
Uh, yeah.
1524
01:27:41,047 --> 01:27:42,845
- Wow. Yeah, no, me too.
- Oh!
1525
01:27:43,008 --> 01:27:45,511
I don't know why I did that.
I have nothing on this hand.
1526
01:27:45,677 --> 01:27:47,600
So who is the incredibly lucky guy?
1527
01:27:47,763 --> 01:27:50,812
He's just this dude who stalked me
all the way to Taiwan.
1528
01:27:50,974 --> 01:27:53,443
That's a coincidence. I followed
my fiancee to Taiwan as well,
1529
01:27:53,602 --> 01:27:56,151
but I made out with her sister first.
I'm a bad-arse.
1530
01:27:56,313 --> 01:27:57,530
Come here.
1531
01:28:00,525 --> 01:28:02,948
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- Aah!
1532
01:28:03,403 --> 01:28:06,703
I'm so happy you're home!
1533
01:28:11,745 --> 01:28:12,917
She loved it.
1534
01:28:28,470 --> 01:28:29,813
Mm.
1535
01:28:30,388 --> 01:28:31,435
Three!
1536
01:28:33,725 --> 01:28:35,898
Oh, please,
he's not even a real doctor.
1537
01:28:36,061 --> 01:28:37,741
He's a real doctor.
He finished his degree.
1538
01:28:37,896 --> 01:28:40,866
- Allan, in Asia. We're not Asian.
- It's legitimate medical training.
1539
01:28:41,024 --> 01:28:42,947
- Wine, please.
- Here, ask him.
1540
01:28:43,985 --> 01:28:45,908
After you have a baby,
if you eat the placenta,
1541
01:28:46,071 --> 01:28:47,414
does it count as cannibalism?
1542
01:28:47,572 --> 01:28:49,373
You know that's not
a medical question, right?
1543
01:28:49,449 --> 01:28:52,373
If a baby's hand is bigger
than its face, will it have cancer?
1544
01:28:52,536 --> 01:28:54,789
No, it just means your baby
has massive hands.
1545
01:28:56,289 --> 01:28:59,543
- Oh. What's going on here? Hoo-hoo.
- Oh, Jesus.
1546
01:28:59,960 --> 01:29:04,887
Oh, it smells bad. Wait, can you write
us a prescription or not? Oh, God.
1547
01:29:05,048 --> 01:29:06,345
There goes my husband.
1548
01:29:06,508 --> 01:29:08,306
I can't believe you have a husband.
1549
01:29:08,468 --> 01:29:11,017
- It's crazy.
- You're weirding me out.
1550
01:29:11,972 --> 01:29:13,690
- Hey. Oh.
- So...
1551
01:29:13,849 --> 01:29:15,249
Careful. Give me your hand.
1552
01:29:15,392 --> 01:29:20,740
- You're up here alone, like a total loser.
- Yeah, but who's the bigger loser?
1553
01:29:20,897 --> 01:29:23,275
Me for escaping up here,
or you for agreeing to marry me?
1554
01:29:23,441 --> 01:29:25,409
- No, that's me.
- Heh-heh.
1555
01:29:27,070 --> 01:29:30,745
If I fell, do you think I'd die,
or just become massively paralyzed?
1556
01:29:30,907 --> 01:29:32,033
Probably just paralyzed.
1557
01:29:32,200 --> 01:29:35,579
You'd be so screwed.
You'd have to stay married to me.
1558
01:29:35,745 --> 01:29:37,292
If you didn't, people would be like,
1559
01:29:37,455 --> 01:29:41,585
"He divorced his wife after she became
paralyzed from the waist down."
1560
01:29:41,751 --> 01:29:43,173
- From the waist down?
- Yeah.
1561
01:29:43,336 --> 01:29:45,577
So everything would still work
down there, though, right?
1562
01:29:45,714 --> 01:29:48,137
Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't be able
to feel anything, but...
1563
01:29:48,300 --> 01:29:50,394
I really don't even need you
to feel anything now.
1564
01:29:50,552 --> 01:29:51,913
I don't want the sex
to be too good
1565
01:29:52,012 --> 01:29:53,059
- right away.
- Mm-hm.
1566
01:29:53,221 --> 01:29:55,599
I'm intentionally being much worse
in bed than I actually am
1567
01:29:55,765 --> 01:29:57,688
so that it can just
keep getting better forever.
1568
01:29:57,851 --> 01:30:00,570
But, like, very slowly,
over many, many decades
1569
01:30:00,729 --> 01:30:02,481
so that we hit our sexual peak
in our 90s.
1570
01:30:02,647 --> 01:30:04,524
Yeah. That's the plan, actually,
1571
01:30:04,691 --> 01:30:10,789
is if the last time we have sex is also
the best and that it actually kills you.
1572
01:30:10,947 --> 01:30:12,745
That wouldn't be
such a bad way to go.
1573
01:30:14,492 --> 01:30:17,962
- We should head back soon, right?
- Yes.
1574
01:30:19,205 --> 01:30:22,209
Or we could stay here
for another minute.
1575
01:30:23,793 --> 01:30:26,216
Or maybe like forever.