1
00:00:45,254 --> 00:00:47,757
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
2
00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:55,806
(GROANS)
3
00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:01,528
Oh! Ooh.
4
00:01:10,279 --> 00:01:11,576
(BEEPS)
5
00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:13,282
(PHONE RINGING)
6
00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:18,128
AUTOMATED VOICE:
New message.
7
00:01:18,370 --> 00:01:19,667
JOYCE: Are you there?
Are you up?
8
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:21,908
Oh, my God! It's too early there
for me to be calling.
9
00:01:21,957 --> 00:01:24,961
7:52, 6:52, 5:52... I forgot.
Three hours earlier.
10
00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:28,263
- Forget I called!
AUTOMATED VOICE: - Message deleted.
11
00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:33,100
(PHONE RINGING)
12
00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:35,337
AUTOMATED VOICE: New message.
JOYCE: Honey, it's Mommy.
13
00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:38,019
I know I only get you for the weekend
before you hit the road,
14
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,778
but I thought I'd
pick you up a few things.
15
00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:42,236
Do you like Greek yogurt? It's the rage.
16
00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:43,840
AUTOMATED VOICE: Message deleted.
17
00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:44,987
(PHONE RINGING)
18
00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:46,565
JOYCE: I'm so proud of you, honey.
19
00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:51,279
I can't believe you're gonna do a tour of
all these companies and your product.
20
00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:53,955
I mean, I... My little Donald Trump.
21
00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:57,752
- I'm so excited to see your sweet face!
AUTOMATED VOICE: Message deleted.
22
00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:05,550
(PHONE RINGING)
23
00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:08,137
JOYCE: Hi, Andy, it's Mommy. Last call.
24
00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:11,678
I just wanted you to know that I'm going
to park and come inside tomorrow
25
00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:14,886
because parking curbside
at Newark is a zoo!
26
00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:17,479
And I don't want to get a citation.
That's all.
27
00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:19,022
Oh, I may go to the Gap today,
28
00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:23,022
so let me know if you need slacks
or a scarf or anything, you know.
29
00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:27,026
Uh... I got you a pass for my gym,
if you want to do Pilates with me.
30
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,984
I have this new instructor,
she's a lesbian.
31
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,993
AUTOMATED VOICE: Message deleted.
32
00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:34,329
(PHONE RINGING)
33
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:35,989
AUTOMATED VOICE: New message.
34
00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:37,416
JOYCE: All these messages
about tomorrow
35
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,744
and I forgot to wish you
good luck today!
36
00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:41,753
They're going to love you! I know it.
37
00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,372
Who could say no to you?
38
00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:47,384
Andrew Brewster? We're ready for you.
39
00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:49,215
Thank you.
40
00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:55,138
MAN: What do you have for us, son?
41
00:02:55,384 --> 00:02:58,263
What I have for you
is a groundbreaking product
42
00:02:58,345 --> 00:03:01,645
that Kmart has the opportunity
to have on its shelves
43
00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:04,936
before anyone else
has it on their shelves.
44
00:03:05,936 --> 00:03:08,439
First, some background
information on me.
45
00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:12,484
I have a Master's Degree
in chemistry from UCLA.
46
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,320
For the last three years,
47
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:17,118
I worked at the
Environmental Protection Agency.
48
00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:18,448
And trust me,
49
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,500
I didn't stay three years
because of the ladies.
50
00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:27,504
I stayed because I was fascinated
by the work I was doing there!
51
00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:31,049
Primarily that was
the sustainable technology
52
00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:32,596
sourced by renewable resources.
53
00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:34,722
I know what you're thinking...
54
00:03:35,257 --> 00:03:37,851
"Boring Chemistry Alert!" Right?
55
00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:39,515
Wrong!
56
00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:43,523
One day, I had a breakthrough.
57
00:03:43,849 --> 00:03:46,352
I created a micro-emulsion suspension
58
00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:50,401
that harnessed
the natural cleaning power of
59
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:53,742
coconut oil,
60
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,662
palm kernel oil,
61
00:03:57,988 --> 00:03:59,160
and
62
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:00,824
soy!
63
00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:05,328
Not soy sauce,
64
00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:07,543
but soybean oil.
65
00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:10,417
And this comes together to
create what I like to call...
66
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:15,798
Can you see that?
I thought the table would be smaller.
67
00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,007
Can you see it?
68
00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:21,345
Scieoclean! Scieo-clean!
69
00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:25,353
Science and clean in one word.
70
00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:29,194
Okay. Very thorough.
Thanks for coming in.
71
00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:31,271
And we'll be in touch, down the road.
72
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:33,273
I have full FDA approval,
73
00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:34,528
and I have enough financial backing...
74
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:38,533
Actually, we're already in
talks with major companies...
75
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,789
Yeah. Whose products
are toxic and harmful.
76
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:43,162
...as well as
established organic companies.
77
00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:44,602
But develop some brand recognition
78
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:47,292
and maybe, in a year or two,
we'll revisit.
79
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,466
(PHONE RINGING)
80
00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:53,047
AUTOMATED VOICE: New message.
81
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:56,255
JOYCE: So, how did it go? I know,
I know. I'm driving you crazy,
82
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:58,052
but I'm on pins and needles here, Andy!
83
00:04:58,381 --> 00:05:00,008
They loved you, I bet. Kmart!
84
00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:02,890
I can't believe it! My son at Kmart!
85
00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:04,893
AUTOMATED VOICE: Message deleted.
86
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:08,035
(ON ANSWERING MACHINE) Hi,
this is Joyce, leave a message, bye!
87
00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:09,150
(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)
88
00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:11,570
ANDY: Hey, Ma,
got your billion messages.
89
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,926
Here are some answers to your
questions: Kmart went great,
90
00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:15,566
do not buy me slacks,
91
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,117
I do not want to do Pilates,
92
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,494
and I'm excited to see you, too.
93
00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:21,746
Andy! Andy!
94
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,577
Whoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo!
95
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,367
Andy! Andy!
96
00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:27,832
Andy! I'm over here!
97
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:29,671
- Honey!
- Hey, Ma.
98
00:05:29,913 --> 00:05:31,756
- I'm over here!
- I see you. Hey!
99
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,841
- All of Newark sees you.
- Hi!
100
00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:35,317
- Hi, there. Hey, Ma.
- Oh, my baby.
101
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,175
Oh, my God! (KISSES)
102
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,388
- Good to see you.
- Look at you! Look at you!
103
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:40,849
- Yes. Look at me.
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God.
104
00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:42,731
Yeah. Okay.
Let's get out of the way here.
105
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:43,885
Are you wearing a sports jacket?
106
00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:44,970
Yeah, I am.
107
00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:46,517
How did you know even
to buy a sports jacket?
108
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,519
- I took a class in it. Yeah.
- Look at this.
109
00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:51,522
Oh, my God! Honey, look!
You left the price tag on.
110
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:54,939
J. Crew? My fancy-schmancy son!
111
00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:56,273
Yeah, that's me.
112
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:57,778
I'm just gonna keep it,
in case it goes on sale.
113
00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,617
- Okay, great. Thanks.
(EXHALES)
114
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:01,703
Is it hot in here, or is it just me?
115
00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:03,788
- Just you. Not hot at all.
- Just me?
116
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:05,452
- You're kidding.
- Nope.
117
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,379
- I made chicken for dinner.
- Oh, awesome.
118
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:08,747
And I invited some of the girls over
119
00:06:08,827 --> 00:06:10,625
because they really
can't wait to see you.
120
00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:15,129
Ugh. You know,
I'd kinda rather you didn't.
121
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,960
I just got off a long flight.
122
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,690
- I don't know if I want to...
- Oh...
123
00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:20,638
- You're tired and everything?
- Yeah, I have jet lag a bit.
124
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,724
The last thing you need is to
put on a show for my friends.
125
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:23,800
- Right.
- Yeah. Exactly.
126
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,303
Thank you, Ma.
Thank you for understanding.
127
00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:29,393
I just made so much chicken is all.
128
00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:30,974
Hmm.
129
00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:34,482
I can't believe little Andy, all grown up!
130
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,730
DIANA: And wearing a sports jacket.
131
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,823
It's from J. Crew. Show them the label.
132
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,071
(WOMEN EXCLAIMING IN AWE)
133
00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:41,823
Yeah, it's pretty affordable.
134
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:43,991
Did you know that Andy
is starting his own business?
135
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:45,322
- Oh.
- Is that right?
136
00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:48,207
JOYCE: Yeah,
he invented a new product
137
00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:50,661
and now he's going to go
travel door-to-door selling it.
138
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:51,745
Isn't that right, Andy?
139
00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:53,997
No, that's actually not even close.
140
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,749
You know, it's dangerous
to go door-to-door.
141
00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,004
I'm not going door-to-door.
142
00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,835
They stopped doing that decades ago.
143
00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:00,428
Did I hear wrong, honey?
144
00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:03,173
It's okay. It's complicated.
That's close enough, I guess.
145
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,515
Andy, it's so nice to finally meet you.
146
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:05,592
You, too. Yeah.
147
00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:07,315
I have heard only great things about you.
148
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:08,345
Oh, that's nice.
149
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:09,850
JOYCE: Gayle is our new friend.
150
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:13,066
She's our Weight Watchers leader.
Her husband's dead.
151
00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:16,858
I'm really sorry to hear that.
152
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,275
I'm not. (CHUCKLES)
153
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:19,690
(WOMEN LAUGHING)
154
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,116
ANITA: He couldn't drop dead
soon enough.
155
00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:22,363
He was horrible!
156
00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:25,028
She couldn't wait
to get rid of him, honey.
157
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,325
Andy, you have to help me.
158
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:28,122
Please convince her to come
to my singles event with me.
159
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:29,438
- One night.
ANITA: - Oh, yeah!
160
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:30,959
- Come on. Don't say that.
- You gotta do it!
161
00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:32,748
I don't want to go there.
162
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,660
I am telling you, you will be
the belle of the ball.
163
00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:37,233
More like the belle of the "bald."
164
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,883
(WOMEN LAUGHING)
165
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:41,963
I don't need it. I'm very happy.
166
00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:45,799
ANDY: Got more frogs
since Thanksgiving, huh, Ma?
167
00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:48,806
JOYCE: Yeah, you can't imagine
how many places sell frogs.
168
00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:50,353
I hope you're drinking water, Andy.
169
00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:51,475
Mmm-hmm.
170
00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:53,727
Good. Good boy.
171
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:57,231
Because I'm up to six bottles
a day now. You know?
172
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,482
It's very good for your skin.
173
00:07:58,728 --> 00:07:59,928
Good. That's why I'm doing it.
174
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,319
I'm so glad you do that, honey.
175
00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:07,062
What are you doing right now?
176
00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:09,239
I'm refilling my water bottle.
177
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,537
'Cause it's silly to pay big prices
178
00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:13,960
for a case of bottles,
basically, you know,
179
00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:16,208
when you can use this
over and over again.
180
00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:20,675
So you're really gonna
drive cross-country
181
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:21,751
for these meetings?
182
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,382
Yeah. All the way to Vegas, yeah.
183
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:25,679
You seeing anyone?
184
00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:28,099
No. Not at the moment.
185
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:32,346
No? I thought you were seeing that girl
with the exotic name.
186
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:34,932
- Bethany?
- Yes!
187
00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:37,021
Bethany. What happened to her?
188
00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:39,520
Yeah, that just didn't really
work out. You know...
189
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:42,189
So what about the one before her?
The Oriental.
190
00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:46,740
That is not remotely
an acceptable term anymore, and...
191
00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:49,071
I don't know, it just didn't work out.
192
00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:51,953
You'd think one of them
would have worked out by now, hmm?
193
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:55,543
What about you?
Are you seeing anyone at the moment?
194
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,537
Andy, please don't be disgusting.
195
00:08:58,121 --> 00:09:01,295
You want me to go to one of Gayle's
miserable singles events?
196
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,339
That's what you want?
You want me whoring myself out?
197
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:04,461
Put on a thong?
198
00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:06,637
I'm going to sleep now, Ma.
199
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:07,885
- Oh.
- Yeah.
200
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:11,639
I took out the old home movies and
I thought we would watch it together.
201
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:14,517
You know, I just... I'm not adjusted yet.
202
00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:16,139
I'm still jet lagged. I just...
203
00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:18,145
- Oh, I understand. Yeah.
- Good night.
204
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:19,642
Good night, honey!
205
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:21,819
I bought some underwear for you
at the Gap.
206
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:22,896
Okay.
207
00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:24,822
JOYCE: We can return it
tomorrow if it doesn't fit!
208
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:25,990
ANDY: That's pretty gross.
209
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,739
JOYCE: - They know me there!
- Okay.
210
00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:34,157
MR. BREWSTER: (ON TV)
Can I turn this thing off?
211
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,992
We've been doing this for two hours.
212
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,670
JOYCE: (ON TV)
Just a few more minutes, okay?
213
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,998
- Look how cute he is.
(SIGHS)
214
00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:50,006
Look, Ma, I'm sorry...
215
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:52,843
MR. BREWSTER:
How long do you want me to film this?
216
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,686
JOYCE: You are the best boy.
217
00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:57,935
The most perfect boy in the world.
Do you know that?
218
00:09:58,348 --> 00:09:59,975
Like Mommy tells you every night,
219
00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:03,562
if all the little boys
in the world were lined up
220
00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:05,943
and I could only pick one,
221
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,862
I'd pick you every time.
222
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:13,204
I love you, Andy. You're my perfect boy.
223
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:14,280
(TURNS OFF TV)
224
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,683
(INDISTINCT TALKING
AND LAUGHTER)
225
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:39,601
ANDY: All right. This will be
good for you.
226
00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:40,728
A little adventure.
227
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,817
All right. This is ridiculous.
228
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:45,312
Come on, Mom.
Just give it a shot. It could be fun.
229
00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:47,401
(INDISTINCT)
230
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:03,501
JOYCE: Did you just ask if I hiked?
231
00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:05,714
No! I don't hike. Sorry.
232
00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:08,259
Try the skinny one in the corner.
She looks sporty.
233
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,674
Don't talk to me though,
because I'm thinking.
234
00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:13,298
(SIGHS)
235
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,517
ANDY: You couldn't even try, Ma?
236
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:28,271
I mean, you're never going to
meet a man like that.
237
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,949
Dad died when I was eight years old.
238
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:33,447
You haven't been on one date
since then. Right?
239
00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:35,619
You know what it comes down to?
240
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:39,203
It comes down to M&M's in bed.
241
00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:41,500
Yeah, because when...
242
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:43,791
Those years I was with your father,
you know?
243
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:47,625
I would hide them under
my pillow until he fell asleep
244
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:50,710
so I could eat them
without being criticized.
245
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:54,055
And I will never hide my M&M's again.
246
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:57,930
It really makes a lot of sense,
247
00:11:58,009 --> 00:11:59,226
- when you put it like that.
- It does.
248
00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:00,929
That's a good reason
to give up on men altogether.
249
00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:02,389
- Listen... You know what?
- Because of candy.
250
00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:04,019
You're one to give advice, honey?
251
00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:06,066
I mean, why aren't you with someone?
252
00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:07,644
- You know what it is, Ma?
- What?
253
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:10,480
I just haven't found a girl
254
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,654
who'll let me eat M&M's in bed at night.
255
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,072
(LAUGHS) Oh, stop it!
256
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:18,155
I mean, seriously, why is that
a legitimate excuse for you
257
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,411
and not for me?
You say the same thing.
258
00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:24,165
Because I've had my marriage.
I've had my family.
259
00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:27,338
I've been to the dance
and now I am tired.
260
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,674
You are skipping the dance altogether!
261
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,922
Maybe you need therapy.
262
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,087
Yeah. It helps me.
263
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:36,176
I don't need therapy.
264
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:37,929
And since when do you go to therapy?
265
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:41,262
Anita and I meet
once a week for coffee.
266
00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:44,355
Well, unless you two are meeting
a therapist for coffee,
267
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,019
then you're not going to therapy,
268
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,442
'cause Anita's a librarian.
269
00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:49,186
I'll tell you what we mostly talk about...
270
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,317
- Yeah?
- ...is why I blame myself
271
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:53,865
for your deep-seated problems
with women.
272
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:56,155
Good. You talk to Anita
about my deep-seated
273
00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:59,033
problems with women
that you've imagined. Yeah.
274
00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:02,866
Sometimes I feel like I ruined it for you.
275
00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:04,872
You know what? I know. I know you do.
276
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,621
You know why?
Because you set the bar so high
277
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:09,744
for all other women,
that no one lives up to my mom.
278
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,257
No, it's not that.
279
00:13:11,374 --> 00:13:13,502
It is. I'm going to sleep, Ma. Okay?
280
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:16,088
No, I... Anita says
I should tell you about
281
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,556
the boy I fell in love with in Florida.
282
00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:21,089
(JOYCE SIGHS)
- The what?
283
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,395
It's time you know this about me, Andy.
284
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:24,637
Know what?
285
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:26,981
Well, there was this incident in my life
286
00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:29,650
that I really never told you about.
287
00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:31,986
I went to Florida on vacation.
288
00:13:32,061 --> 00:13:34,234
I was very young,
19, 20, something like that.
289
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,315
Okay. Good.
290
00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:39,744
And I met a boy,
and I fell in love with him.
291
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:40,945
Yeah.
292
00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:44,658
Honestly, Andy, I fell in love
with him kind of instantly.
293
00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:46,163
Okay.
294
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:48,336
- He lived in Manhattan, too.
- Mmm-hmm.
295
00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:51,756
And so we came back and
we started seeing each other.
296
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:57,091
He didn't want anything serious,
but I was just caught up with this...
297
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:59,431
- Oh, the passion of it all!
- Oh.
298
00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:01,098
Andy, we were so passionate.
299
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:04,345
Feel free to skim over those
details as much as you want.
300
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:06,596
- I won't gross you out.
- Yeah. That's cool.
301
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:10,771
I mean, he didn't want to be
serious, really, at the time.
302
00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:13,236
But I wanted a family, I wanted a baby.
303
00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:14,858
That's all I ever really wanted.
304
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,774
And so, eventually,
your father came along.
305
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,527
What about the guy from...
You met in Florida?
306
00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:22,495
Well, he became boyfriend number one
307
00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:24,410
and your dad became
boyfriend number two.
308
00:14:24,489 --> 00:14:25,536
(GROANS)
309
00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:27,208
- No, honey...
- That's nasty!
310
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:28,626
It was a trampy year for Mommy.
311
00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:30,578
- Oh!
(LAUGHS)
312
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:32,960
- Please. Anyway...
- Why are you telling me this?
313
00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:37,218
Your father proposed within,
like, a month, I think.
314
00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:39,971
So I went to the boy and I said,
315
00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:44,301
you know, "I met somebody
and he wants to marry me,
316
00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:48,980
hoping that he would say,
"Joyce, you cannot do that."
317
00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:50,936
"You cannot marry this guy!"
318
00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:54,899
But he didn't say that.
You know what he actually said?
319
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:57,814
He said, "You're great."
320
00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:04,162
But he told me to marry your father.
321
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:06,656
(CHUCKLES LIGHTLY)
322
00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:08,658
Oh, God.
323
00:15:09,325 --> 00:15:11,168
I was so devastated.
324
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:16,090
I was so devastated that
I couldn't even see him again.
325
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:17,834
Well, what happened?
326
00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:19,426
Well...
327
00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:22,673
What happened?
I married your father, we moved,
328
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,924
I got pregnant, and...
329
00:15:25,675 --> 00:15:29,054
When we found out
it was a boy, you know,
330
00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:33,851
I started going through names,
as people do, and...
331
00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:39,363
You want your child to remind you
of someone you love... Loved!
332
00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:41,449
And so...
333
00:15:42,692 --> 00:15:47,038
I named you Andy
after the boy from Florida.
334
00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:53,540
You want more ice cream?
335
00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:57,798
Holy shit.
336
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,884
Andy! Please.
Enough with the language, okay?
337
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:02,883
Did... Did Dad know about this?
338
00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:05,473
Now, that is not something
that you share
339
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:06,891
with your husband. You know?
340
00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:09,727
Holy shit!
341
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:11,349
What is wrong with you?
342
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:13,477
That is enough
with the street talk, okay?
343
00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:14,940
Ma, I... (STAMMERS)
344
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,273
I need you to be honest with me, okay?
345
00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:18,565
Yes, I will.
346
00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:20,563
Is he my father?
347
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,487
(CHUCKLES) No, honey.
No, he's not your father.
348
00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:24,658
(SIGHS)
- No, no.
349
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:26,828
It was two years later when I had you.
350
00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:29,747
His last name is Margolis.
351
00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:33,246
Andy Margolis.
352
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:35,920
From J&R Advertising.
353
00:16:36,579 --> 00:16:38,297
Isn't it funny how I remember that?
354
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:39,506
Yeah.
355
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,459
Yeah.
356
00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:53,350
(DIALING)
357
00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:56,478
(LINE RINGS)
358
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,192
FEMALE RECEPTIONIST: J&R.
359
00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:01,062
Hi. I'm trying to track down someone
360
00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:03,022
who used to work
in your New York office.
361
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:06,780
Probably many years ago.
The name is Andy, or...
362
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:09,616
Andrew Margolis?
363
00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:11,289
Hold on, please.
364
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:16,957
Okay, I see that Andrew Margolis
is in our San Francisco offices.
365
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:21,132
Okay. Great! How long ago
did he work there?
366
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:24,006
No, sir. Mr. Margolis
is an Executive V.P.
367
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:25,844
in our San Francisco office currently.
368
00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:26,929
Really?
369
00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:28,631
Would you like to be connected?
370
00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:30,057
Okay!
371
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:31,133
(LINE RINGS)
372
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,639
FEMALE ASSISTANT:
Andrew Margolis's office.
373
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,637
Seriously? No shit.
374
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:38,316
Is, uh... (STAMMERS)
Is Andrew in, please?
375
00:17:38,641 --> 00:17:41,235
Mr. Margolis is in Europe
until next Monday.
376
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:42,311
This is Becky.
377
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:45,907
Hi, Becky.
I'm a very old friend of Andrew's.
378
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:51,658
We were in Nam together?
379
00:17:51,988 --> 00:17:53,740
Just backpacking though.
380
00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:56,201
And I thought it would be great
to see him again.
381
00:17:57,326 --> 00:17:59,670
So I guess he finally took the wife
382
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:01,998
on that trip to Europe
she's always wanted, huh?
383
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:04,376
Mr. Margolis isn't married, sir.
384
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,753
Is there a specific message
you'd like to leave?
385
00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:09,097
No! No. So he gets back next Monday.
386
00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:10,172
Yes, he does.
387
00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:13,510
- Okay. Thank you.
- You're welcome.
388
00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:15,015
(DISCONNECTS)
389
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:19,853
Holy shit.
390
00:18:21,475 --> 00:18:23,068
I made eggs just the way you like them,
391
00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:24,191
and I used turkey bacon,
392
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:26,815
which was on sale,
but I know it's still good.
393
00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:29,575
I'm always concerned
for your health, right?
394
00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:31,740
You know,
395
00:18:32,403 --> 00:18:34,952
I was up all night last night,
396
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:37,409
because I was thinking
about your problems, Andy.
397
00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:41,416
Jessica was your first
serious relationship.
398
00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:43,585
So let's start with her.
399
00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:47,506
I remember when you broke up,
but I can't remember why.
400
00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:49,420
Do you remember?
401
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:53,133
Hmm.
402
00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:56,261
Okay! We'll skip Jessica for now.
403
00:18:56,594 --> 00:18:58,221
Uh, what do you think
we should do today, honey?
404
00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:02,184
Oh, you know what? You have to
remind me to get Tylenol later,
405
00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:03,563
'cause I'm running low.
406
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:06,692
And I also told Gayle
that I would pick some up for her.
407
00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:08,298
Did I remember to call Gayle back?
408
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:10,783
I don't know what's happening to me.
I'm getting forgetful.
409
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,623
You want to come
on the trip with me, Mom?
410
00:19:12,735 --> 00:19:14,078
Huh?
411
00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:19,792
My road trip, that I'm going on.
I, uh...
412
00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:23,458
It's long,
413
00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:25,961
and I thought maybe
I could use some company
414
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,634
in the form of you.
415
00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:35,304
You want to drive cross-country
in a car with me?
416
00:19:38,052 --> 00:19:39,053
Yeah!
417
00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:41,806
No, it's... You know,
we won't be gone long.
418
00:19:42,056 --> 00:19:44,229
It's only eight days in a car together,
419
00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:46,857
and then I got to be in San Francisco.
420
00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:48,813
My last meeting's in San Francisco now.
421
00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:50,406
What happened to Vegas?
422
00:19:50,648 --> 00:19:52,328
(STAMMERING) I got a new meeting
last night
423
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,152
- in San Francisco, so...
- Oh.
424
00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:57,079
Uh... Yeah! What do you say?
425
00:19:57,154 --> 00:19:59,782
If this is you worrying about me, Andy,
426
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:02,243
you don't have to
because Mommy's fine.
427
00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:04,044
That's not at all what it is, Ma.
428
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,417
(STAMMERS)
429
00:20:05,496 --> 00:20:06,497
What?
430
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:08,749
I've had such a good time
431
00:20:08,999 --> 00:20:11,218
hanging out with you
these last few days,
432
00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:13,512
I thought it would be fun
433
00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:17,679
to hang out even more
and spend time with you.
434
00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:19,802
Wait a minute.
435
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:23,014
I want to make sure that
I'm hearing this correctly.
436
00:20:23,681 --> 00:20:28,027
You want to spend a week
in a car with your mother.
437
00:20:28,686 --> 00:20:30,188
Is that what I heard?
438
00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:33,362
More than anything in the world.
439
00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:35,534
Don't you think I would drive you crazy?
440
00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:36,777
(LAUGHS)
441
00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:39,364
Don't you think I might get
on your nerves a little bit?
442
00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:41,160
No, you know what?
443
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,242
It was just a thought and
if you don't want to do it, then fine.
444
00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:44,406
I don't want to push you...
445
00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:46,458
What? What? Am I so awful
that you can't spend
446
00:20:46,537 --> 00:20:47,777
a little time in a car with me?
447
00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:49,796
Jesus Christ, Ma,
how did you turn this around?
448
00:20:49,832 --> 00:20:51,755
I just invited you to... I'm inviting you!
449
00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:54,212
Do you want to drive
across the country with me?
450
00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:55,679
Well, I might have to reroute my mail.
451
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:56,756
Okay!
452
00:20:56,881 --> 00:20:58,081
I'd have to miss my book club.
453
00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:01,844
Ma, you have five seconds to tell me
whether you want to go or not.
454
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,767
And then I'm revoking my offer, okay?
455
00:21:03,846 --> 00:21:05,063
- Are you coming?
- Okay. One, two...
456
00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:07,024
I can't wait! What, are you kidding me?
457
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,143
- Honey! That is so exciting!
- Okay, great! Good! I am!
458
00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:12,146
- Tateleh! My boy, my boy!
- Okay... You really are.
459
00:21:12,229 --> 00:21:13,230
The sweetest...
460
00:21:13,314 --> 00:21:15,408
- Look at this! I love you!
- Okay, okay, easy.
461
00:21:15,733 --> 00:21:18,577
Oh, my God! I can't believe...
I have to call Gayle!
462
00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:19,911
Oh, my God!
463
00:21:19,987 --> 00:21:22,410
I'll have to retouch
my roots though before I go.
464
00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:23,491
What am I gonna pack?
465
00:21:23,574 --> 00:21:25,451
You've got to fill me in
on all the weather conditions
466
00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:27,753
in all the states
that we're gonna go through.
467
00:21:28,579 --> 00:21:31,753
Okay, it's fine. I got it. It's fine. I got it.
468
00:21:31,999 --> 00:21:33,251
Are you sure you didn't forget anything?
469
00:21:33,334 --> 00:21:34,506
JOYCE: God, I don't know
if I forgot something.
470
00:21:34,585 --> 00:21:38,089
I don't think that's possible.
I may be getting a hernia.
471
00:21:38,339 --> 00:21:40,762
- Are you okay?
- Yeah. I'll put that here.
472
00:21:41,425 --> 00:21:43,098
Good, there's not
too many people here.
473
00:21:43,427 --> 00:21:45,771
Honey, make sure to ask
if they have any kind of deal.
474
00:21:46,096 --> 00:21:47,097
Okay. I will do that.
475
00:21:47,765 --> 00:21:49,358
Hi, I'm Mark. I'll be assisting you.
476
00:21:49,433 --> 00:21:50,473
Do you have a reservation?
477
00:21:50,684 --> 00:21:52,357
I do. Last name is Brewster.
478
00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:54,609
- Brewster. Okay.
ANDY: - Mmm-hmm.
479
00:21:54,688 --> 00:21:57,032
There it is. I just need a valid
license and credit card.
480
00:21:57,274 --> 00:21:58,947
- Ask him.
- Okay, I will. Please relax.
481
00:21:59,193 --> 00:22:01,446
Please calm down, Mom!
482
00:22:01,779 --> 00:22:04,783
Sorry, but I just want
to confirm I got an SUV
483
00:22:04,865 --> 00:22:06,117
with a GPS system in it?
484
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,544
I have you in a Dodge Durango,
GPS included,
485
00:22:08,619 --> 00:22:09,711
returning in San Francisco.
486
00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:11,255
- Great.
- Do you really need an SUV?
487
00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:12,957
The gas'll cost more than the car.
488
00:22:13,207 --> 00:22:14,709
So that comes out to $112 a day.
489
00:22:14,959 --> 00:22:16,802
Wait, wait, wait! I got a coupon.
490
00:22:17,044 --> 00:22:20,639
Good. Yeah. That works.
It takes 15% off, so...
491
00:22:21,465 --> 00:22:25,720
It brings your new total to $940.
Excuse me one second.
492
00:22:25,970 --> 00:22:27,893
- Way to go! Yeah.
- That was very exciting.
493
00:22:27,972 --> 00:22:29,440
- I was going to ask.
- Really.
494
00:22:29,515 --> 00:22:30,562
- Yes!
- I thought you forgot.
495
00:22:30,641 --> 00:22:33,235
You thought in the two seconds
since you reminded me...
496
00:22:33,477 --> 00:22:37,152
Anyway! Anyway, nowadays
small cars are fine in the snow.
497
00:22:37,398 --> 00:22:38,900
They probably have that GPS thing.
498
00:22:39,233 --> 00:22:41,327
They don't. Okay?
Only big cars have GPS.
499
00:22:41,569 --> 00:22:43,913
Actually, our GPS systems
are separate.
500
00:22:43,988 --> 00:22:45,740
You can rent them with any car.
501
00:22:45,990 --> 00:22:48,914
And our economy cars
handle quite well in the snow.
502
00:22:49,910 --> 00:22:50,911
Hmm.
503
00:22:50,995 --> 00:22:52,417
- Thank you, Mark.
- You're welcome.
504
00:22:52,746 --> 00:22:55,420
ANDY: So we'll just go by the circus,
drop off our clowns...
505
00:22:55,666 --> 00:22:57,509
JOYCE: Andy, stop it! It's adorable.
506
00:22:57,751 --> 00:22:59,594
ANDY: You sure you don't mind
driving, Ma?
507
00:22:59,837 --> 00:23:01,464
No, honey.
You work on your presentation.
508
00:23:01,547 --> 00:23:02,844
I got my Book on Tape.
509
00:23:06,427 --> 00:23:07,428
What are you doing, Ma?
510
00:23:07,678 --> 00:23:09,351
Trying to find my Book on Tape.
511
00:23:09,597 --> 00:23:11,770
Okay. Just keep your eyes
on the road, for God sakes!
512
00:23:12,016 --> 00:23:14,110
- Oh, here it is.
- Okay, okay!
513
00:23:16,103 --> 00:23:18,856
It's called Middlesex.
This tape is excellent.
514
00:23:19,106 --> 00:23:22,030
It's about a hermaphrodite.
You know, a boy and a girl?
515
00:23:22,860 --> 00:23:24,533
Two different parts in one person?
516
00:23:24,778 --> 00:23:26,451
I... Yes, I know that.
517
00:23:26,697 --> 00:23:28,074
It was in Oprah's Book Club once.
518
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:29,662
Say no more!
519
00:23:31,619 --> 00:23:33,587
(AUDIOBOOK PLAYING)
520
00:23:35,372 --> 00:23:36,715
You'll like this.
521
00:23:52,848 --> 00:23:53,849
I love spoons.
522
00:23:56,727 --> 00:23:58,650
You know what? That's enough
Middlesex for now, I think.
523
00:23:58,896 --> 00:24:00,239
That's good. Yeah, we're...
524
00:24:00,481 --> 00:24:03,325
So, what's the plan,
my little co-captain?
525
00:24:03,567 --> 00:24:06,241
Well, I got three meetings today,
526
00:24:06,487 --> 00:24:07,830
and then I got a few in Virginia,
527
00:24:07,905 --> 00:24:09,498
and the last one is in Roanoke.
528
00:24:09,740 --> 00:24:11,083
Roanoke! Whoo!
529
00:24:11,408 --> 00:24:13,752
Then Texas is next. Costco. That's...
530
00:24:14,078 --> 00:24:16,922
That's a big one,
so if we want to get there in time,
531
00:24:16,997 --> 00:24:18,437
we gotta be in Tennessee by Tuesday.
532
00:24:18,666 --> 00:24:21,169
You know who lives
in Tennessee, right?
533
00:24:21,418 --> 00:24:22,510
Yes, I do. So after that...
534
00:24:22,753 --> 00:24:24,096
Jessica in Nashville.
535
00:24:24,213 --> 00:24:25,214
I know.
536
00:24:25,339 --> 00:24:26,761
You know, I ran into
her mother recently.
537
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:28,092
She says it's lovely there!
538
00:24:28,342 --> 00:24:29,685
I'm sure it is. So...
539
00:24:29,885 --> 00:24:31,228
You know,
I spoke to Anita this morning.
540
00:24:31,428 --> 00:24:33,146
Anita says that it would be good for you
541
00:24:33,222 --> 00:24:35,441
to get some closure
with that relationship.
542
00:24:35,683 --> 00:24:37,936
So if we have time,
we should meet up with her.
543
00:24:38,185 --> 00:24:40,608
From Texas, we head to Santa Fe,
544
00:24:40,688 --> 00:24:42,861
where I have one more pitch,
then Vegas.
545
00:24:43,107 --> 00:24:45,610
Mmm! A mom and her baby boy
in Vegas. Sounds like fun!
546
00:24:45,693 --> 00:24:48,196
That's their new slogan,
I think, for tourism.
547
00:24:48,278 --> 00:24:50,406
"A mom and her baby boy
in Vegas." Yeah.
548
00:24:51,699 --> 00:24:52,700
Mmm.
549
00:24:52,783 --> 00:24:55,957
You know, I can't stop thinking about...
550
00:24:56,286 --> 00:24:57,287
What, honey?
551
00:24:57,538 --> 00:24:59,381
About that story you told me
the other night, honestly.
552
00:24:59,456 --> 00:25:00,548
About Andy Margolis.
553
00:25:00,791 --> 00:25:03,419
I mean, tell me more about him.
What was it...
554
00:25:03,502 --> 00:25:05,262
What was it about him
that you liked so much?
555
00:25:06,130 --> 00:25:07,382
I don't know.
556
00:25:07,631 --> 00:25:10,134
Broad shoulders, you know.
Oops! Sorry.
557
00:25:10,467 --> 00:25:14,313
Okay, what else?
Anything less physically based?
558
00:25:15,973 --> 00:25:17,725
I was cross-eyed when I was a little girl.
559
00:25:17,808 --> 00:25:18,809
I told you that, right?
560
00:25:19,059 --> 00:25:21,562
What does this have to do
with what I asked you?
561
00:25:21,812 --> 00:25:25,066
Well, one day I meet this boy,
out of nowhere.
562
00:25:25,399 --> 00:25:28,699
Andy Margolis.
We went out on this first date.
563
00:25:29,153 --> 00:25:33,499
We were dancing,
and he told me that I was beautiful.
564
00:25:35,242 --> 00:25:38,587
He was the first person
to ever tell me that.
565
00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:45,252
Don't you ever wonder, like, where he is,
566
00:25:45,335 --> 00:25:46,336
what happened to him?
567
00:25:46,670 --> 00:25:47,922
A little bit?
568
00:25:48,505 --> 00:25:51,850
It's in the past, Andy. It's in the past.
569
00:25:55,345 --> 00:25:58,019
ANDY: I could probably
find him if you really wanted.
570
00:25:58,265 --> 00:25:59,858
JOYCE: Don't you dare!
571
00:25:59,933 --> 00:26:01,685
He's probably fat
and obnoxious by now.
572
00:26:01,852 --> 00:26:03,149
ANDY: Maybe he's just fat.
573
00:26:04,605 --> 00:26:06,357
(INDISTINCT CHATTING)
574
00:26:09,276 --> 00:26:11,904
What are you doing? No, no!
Don't move their stuff around!
575
00:26:11,987 --> 00:26:14,206
What are you doing?
Just put it on the floor.
576
00:26:14,323 --> 00:26:16,576
No, I don't put things on the floor.
The floor is dirty.
577
00:26:16,950 --> 00:26:18,748
The floor is too dirty for your purse?
578
00:26:18,827 --> 00:26:20,921
You've been using that tissue in there
for the last three days.
579
00:26:20,996 --> 00:26:21,997
Well, there's always a clean side.
580
00:26:22,164 --> 00:26:24,292
But it's true.
You keep shoving it back in there.
581
00:26:24,374 --> 00:26:26,001
I know, but I don't do things like that.
582
00:26:26,085 --> 00:26:28,383
And anyway I forgot, I got my gizmo.
583
00:26:31,548 --> 00:26:32,549
Purse hook.
584
00:26:32,883 --> 00:26:34,226
Of course.
585
00:26:40,015 --> 00:26:41,016
Whoa! What are you... (STAMMERING)
586
00:26:41,100 --> 00:26:42,101
What?
587
00:26:42,184 --> 00:26:43,731
You did something to me. What is that?
588
00:26:44,061 --> 00:26:45,734
Just pick it up. Push it back.
589
00:26:45,979 --> 00:26:47,322
- No. It's fine.
- Show your face.
590
00:26:47,564 --> 00:26:49,441
- Ma, my hair looks fine.
- Okay, okay.
591
00:26:49,525 --> 00:26:50,572
Is it weird?
592
00:26:50,651 --> 00:26:52,824
- No, it's nice now.
- Did you make it look weirder?
593
00:26:52,903 --> 00:26:54,246
Thank you.
594
00:26:54,530 --> 00:26:55,747
(SIGHS)
595
00:26:55,989 --> 00:26:57,149
Honey, I know you're nervous,
596
00:26:57,199 --> 00:26:58,667
but your show is gonna be great.
597
00:26:58,909 --> 00:27:00,911
It's a pitch. It's a...
598
00:27:01,995 --> 00:27:03,042
It's called a pitch, Mom.
599
00:27:03,330 --> 00:27:04,331
Whatever it's called.
600
00:27:04,414 --> 00:27:06,416
It's going to be great, I can feel it.
601
00:27:06,667 --> 00:27:08,010
I'm glad.
602
00:27:09,419 --> 00:27:10,591
Okay.
603
00:27:11,255 --> 00:27:12,928
- You focus.
- I'm trying.
604
00:27:13,173 --> 00:27:15,141
And while you're focusing,
605
00:27:15,759 --> 00:27:18,262
I'm going to play my game.
606
00:27:21,265 --> 00:27:22,938
Till they call you.
607
00:27:23,767 --> 00:27:25,110
All right!
608
00:27:25,769 --> 00:27:27,897
(SLOT MACHINE RATTLING)
609
00:27:31,984 --> 00:27:33,452
(JOYCE EXHALES)
610
00:27:33,861 --> 00:27:35,078
(CHUCKLES)
611
00:27:35,154 --> 00:27:36,906
(COINS JINGLING)
(GAME BEEPING LOUDLY)
612
00:27:37,114 --> 00:27:38,957
What? I'm playing slots, what?
613
00:27:39,199 --> 00:27:41,122
Yeah, it's incredibly loud!
614
00:27:41,368 --> 00:27:43,211
- Mr. Brewster?
- Yes, hi there!
615
00:27:43,453 --> 00:27:44,545
Hi there! They're ready for you.
616
00:27:44,621 --> 00:27:46,294
Oh, fantastic! Great, good.
617
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:48,508
No. What are you doing?
618
00:27:48,584 --> 00:27:49,927
- Going with you?
- No.
619
00:27:50,085 --> 00:27:51,428
- You can't come.
- Why not?
620
00:27:51,628 --> 00:27:53,388
I can't bring my mother in!
It'll look crazy.
621
00:27:53,547 --> 00:27:55,220
They don't know I'm your mother.
622
00:27:55,299 --> 00:27:56,819
That's even weirder. Then who are you?
623
00:27:56,967 --> 00:27:58,344
- Do you need a minute?
- No, I'm good!
624
00:27:58,427 --> 00:27:59,474
Thank you. I'm okay. Great.
What are you...
625
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:01,063
- He's ready.
- Please...
626
00:28:01,305 --> 00:28:02,978
Thank you! Hi! Thank you very much!
627
00:28:03,223 --> 00:28:04,975
- Thank you.
- Great!
628
00:28:06,727 --> 00:28:07,728
Good luck, sweetheart!
629
00:28:08,312 --> 00:28:10,485
Thank you, ma'am! Nice to meet you!
630
00:28:11,398 --> 00:28:14,072
Scieoclean is the only product
that harnesses
631
00:28:14,318 --> 00:28:16,161
the sustainable, renewable
cleaning power
632
00:28:16,236 --> 00:28:17,488
of these three products.
633
00:28:17,821 --> 00:28:22,167
Now, this is a top-of-the-line
digital pH meter.
634
00:28:22,492 --> 00:28:24,244
This is our competitor's product.
635
00:28:24,745 --> 00:28:27,419
Okay. Well, thank you
for your time, Andrew.
636
00:28:28,332 --> 00:28:31,006
That's it? (STAMMERING)
I have FDA approval, and...
637
00:28:31,335 --> 00:28:34,009
I just don't think it's for us.
638
00:28:34,338 --> 00:28:37,512
But I want you to leave a card.
We'll be in touch.
639
00:28:44,181 --> 00:28:45,524
Honey!
640
00:28:46,683 --> 00:28:48,401
- How did it go?
- I don't want to jinx it,
641
00:28:48,477 --> 00:28:49,854
but I think it went pretty good, actually.
642
00:28:49,978 --> 00:28:51,651
- Really? Good job, sweetheart.
- Yeah.
643
00:28:55,025 --> 00:28:58,199
This is gonna be good.
This is gonna be really good.
644
00:28:58,528 --> 00:29:01,031
I can't wait to see what happens, right?
645
00:29:01,698 --> 00:29:04,622
Look! The World's Largest
Praying Hands are in Tulsa!
646
00:29:04,868 --> 00:29:08,543
The World's Largest
Rubik's Cube is in Tennessee!
647
00:29:08,789 --> 00:29:10,086
The Grand Canyon!
648
00:29:10,165 --> 00:29:12,463
I've always wanted to see
the Grand Canyon!
649
00:29:12,668 --> 00:29:14,341
No time, Ma. Tight schedule.
650
00:29:14,628 --> 00:29:15,629
Maybe next time.
651
00:29:17,339 --> 00:29:18,340
Thank you.
652
00:29:19,007 --> 00:29:20,224
(SIGHS)
653
00:29:20,717 --> 00:29:21,809
- Hey.
- Oh!
654
00:29:21,885 --> 00:29:23,887
- Good? Did it go good?
- Yeah, it seemed to go really good.
655
00:29:24,137 --> 00:29:25,730
You have a nice smile on your face.
656
00:29:25,806 --> 00:29:26,846
Here, take a little water.
657
00:29:27,891 --> 00:29:29,492
Andy, I think
you're going the wrong way.
658
00:29:29,726 --> 00:29:31,899
ANDY: We are not going the wrong way!
659
00:29:32,813 --> 00:29:34,315
Well, that must feel good.
660
00:29:38,652 --> 00:29:40,154
Why are you calling me, Ma?
661
00:29:40,404 --> 00:29:42,122
Just go to the bathroom
and come back!
662
00:29:42,197 --> 00:29:44,074
What are you doing in there?
663
00:29:44,324 --> 00:29:47,077
No, I don't want French fries!
Just come back!
664
00:29:53,500 --> 00:29:54,717
- Andy.
- Yeah.
665
00:29:54,793 --> 00:29:57,262
Promise me you'll never
pick up a hitchhiker, okay?
666
00:29:57,504 --> 00:29:59,472
I promise I will never
pick up a hitchhiker.
667
00:29:59,548 --> 00:30:01,550
Good. They rape.
668
00:30:03,343 --> 00:30:04,720
You think they have a Gap Outlet here?
669
00:30:04,803 --> 00:30:05,850
ANDY: A Gap Outlet?
670
00:30:05,929 --> 00:30:07,681
JOYCE: I'm having Gap Withdrawal!
671
00:30:08,432 --> 00:30:10,233
- Oh, good. Thank you.
DOORMAN: - Sure thing.
672
00:30:10,267 --> 00:30:13,817
Ooh! Look at this. Wow.
673
00:30:14,187 --> 00:30:16,064
DOORMAN: - Evening.
- Thank you.
674
00:30:16,356 --> 00:30:18,029
(GASPS) Andy, look,
they have a gift shop!
675
00:30:18,275 --> 00:30:20,778
Oh, great. You go over there.
676
00:30:23,613 --> 00:30:26,662
Hi, uh... Do you have any
rooms available for the night?
677
00:30:27,451 --> 00:30:30,295
Well, of course!
A room for you and your lady?
678
00:30:30,412 --> 00:30:32,631
(JOYCE GIGGLING)
- My "lady"?
679
00:30:32,706 --> 00:30:34,959
Andy, look, look!
They have clip-on frog earrings!
680
00:30:37,627 --> 00:30:40,301
Oh! No! Dude, that's... Don't wink at me!
681
00:30:40,630 --> 00:30:42,632
That's horrible! That's my mother!
682
00:30:42,883 --> 00:30:45,227
Are you insane?
I need two rooms, okay?
683
00:30:45,469 --> 00:30:46,891
Andy, don't be ridiculous.
684
00:30:46,970 --> 00:30:48,291
Is that what you said? Two rooms?
685
00:30:48,472 --> 00:30:50,315
It's not ridiculous. It's very necessary.
686
00:30:50,557 --> 00:30:52,480
- It's a waste of money!
- Not wasting money.
687
00:30:52,726 --> 00:30:54,649
- Two separate rooms.
- Sorry.
688
00:30:54,978 --> 00:30:55,979
Don't be sorry!
689
00:30:56,063 --> 00:30:59,317
Just don't imply that
I am sleeping with my mother.
690
00:30:59,816 --> 00:31:03,320
I am ready to go to market
and I have full FDA approval!
691
00:31:03,653 --> 00:31:07,078
Ooh! That sounds very impressive, Andy!
692
00:31:07,157 --> 00:31:10,832
Oh! FDA approval! Oh, that is fancy.
693
00:31:11,161 --> 00:31:13,004
- Very fancy.
- Thank you, Ma. Good.
694
00:31:13,163 --> 00:31:14,961
- I do have a few thoughts.
- Great.
695
00:31:15,332 --> 00:31:17,175
It's just a little hard to follow.
696
00:31:17,417 --> 00:31:20,216
I'm still a little unclear,
with all the coconuts...
697
00:31:20,295 --> 00:31:23,344
What was that thing? "Dermal"?
For the skin?
698
00:31:23,423 --> 00:31:25,517
Yeah. Dermal. Skin.
Yeah, I'm saying like...
699
00:31:25,759 --> 00:31:29,104
I'm saying it's safe if you get it
on your skin or in your eyes
700
00:31:29,346 --> 00:31:31,348
or if you ingest it by accident, you know?
701
00:31:31,556 --> 00:31:32,917
Well, why don't you just say that?
702
00:31:33,183 --> 00:31:35,527
I mean, keep it simple. Make it clear.
703
00:31:35,852 --> 00:31:37,650
I would get personal with them, too.
704
00:31:37,729 --> 00:31:40,608
Like, you talk about their kids,
talk about their pets.
705
00:31:40,857 --> 00:31:42,951
Possibly seeing one of their loved ones
706
00:31:43,026 --> 00:31:45,700
writhing in agony on the floor
because they just
707
00:31:45,946 --> 00:31:49,041
accidentally swallowed some
of these other brands, you know?
708
00:31:49,282 --> 00:31:50,579
That's good. You know
what I should do is actually
709
00:31:50,659 --> 00:31:52,502
bring in a kid and poison it
in front of them.
710
00:31:52,577 --> 00:31:53,669
And then they could actually just see
711
00:31:53,745 --> 00:31:55,418
- what that would be like.
- Now you're being silly.
712
00:31:55,497 --> 00:31:57,295
I'm just saying, if it's safe
to put on your skin,
713
00:31:57,374 --> 00:31:58,466
then put it on your skin.
714
00:31:58,542 --> 00:31:59,623
If it's safe to drink it...
715
00:31:59,626 --> 00:32:00,878
- Yeah.
- ...drink it.
716
00:32:01,044 --> 00:32:02,387
Real good thinking, yeah.
717
00:32:02,629 --> 00:32:05,052
You probably need to flavor it.
718
00:32:05,340 --> 00:32:06,466
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
719
00:32:06,550 --> 00:32:08,894
Cherry flavor, maybe, or root beer.
720
00:32:09,553 --> 00:32:11,271
It's a cleaning product, Ma,
721
00:32:11,346 --> 00:32:12,947
so root beer might be kind of a weird...
722
00:32:13,140 --> 00:32:14,642
No, no! Oh, mint! Mint.
723
00:32:14,891 --> 00:32:16,564
I'm just saying, if you drank it,
724
00:32:16,893 --> 00:32:19,612
it would make it
certainly more entertaining.
725
00:32:19,688 --> 00:32:21,156
You know? Make it more of a show.
726
00:32:22,065 --> 00:32:25,239
Well, I'm a scientist, Ma,
I'm not a performer.
727
00:32:25,569 --> 00:32:28,948
So, it's not really
my priority to make it a show.
728
00:32:29,030 --> 00:32:30,247
I'm not a showman, Ma.
729
00:32:30,490 --> 00:32:32,163
- That is nonsense, honey.
- Yeah.
730
00:32:32,242 --> 00:32:34,415
Remember how good you were
in Man of La Mancha?
731
00:32:34,661 --> 00:32:36,004
People like a performance.
732
00:32:36,246 --> 00:32:37,998
You're right. No, you're right.
That's a great idea.
733
00:32:38,081 --> 00:32:40,083
I should just do
Man of La Mancha maybe.
734
00:32:40,167 --> 00:32:41,919
I... You know what?
I'll tell you what I would do.
735
00:32:42,002 --> 00:32:43,003
What would you do?
736
00:32:43,086 --> 00:32:45,180
I would change the name, too.
737
00:32:45,255 --> 00:32:47,056
Because, look at this,
this is very confusing.
738
00:32:47,257 --> 00:32:49,100
- What is it? Psychoclean?
- No.
739
00:32:49,426 --> 00:32:51,394
- Skyoclean? Science Clean.
- No.
740
00:32:51,678 --> 00:32:54,352
It's Scieoclean, and it's kind
of hard to change the name
741
00:32:54,598 --> 00:32:57,943
because it's written on 10,000 bottles
that I've already paid for. So...
742
00:32:58,018 --> 00:32:59,520
Well, it's just peculiar, is all.
743
00:32:59,769 --> 00:33:02,443
Okay, I'll change the name.
Okay? Great. Okay. Good.
744
00:33:02,772 --> 00:33:04,866
Oh, Andy, I'm having such a great time!
745
00:33:04,941 --> 00:33:05,942
That's good, Ma.
746
00:33:06,026 --> 00:33:08,870
Because I never get to go
to nice places like this.
747
00:33:09,112 --> 00:33:10,113
Mmm, it's true.
748
00:33:10,197 --> 00:33:12,478
This place has a quarter of a star,
so that's pretty good.
749
00:33:12,782 --> 00:33:16,127
Do you know that they have a free
continental breakfast here?
750
00:33:16,369 --> 00:33:19,543
I'm glad you're having such
a cultured trip with me, Ma.
751
00:33:19,789 --> 00:33:23,293
- I'm in absolute heaven.
- Good. Well, you know what?
752
00:33:23,376 --> 00:33:24,548
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
753
00:33:24,628 --> 00:33:27,973
(STAMMERS) I'm pretty tired.
Maybe it's time we go to sleep.
754
00:33:28,048 --> 00:33:30,142
- Oh, I should let you sleep.
- Thank you.
755
00:33:30,383 --> 00:33:32,806
- I am so sorry.
- No problem. Thank you.
756
00:33:33,053 --> 00:33:34,600
And we don't want to
miss that breakfast, do we?
757
00:33:34,679 --> 00:33:37,057
- No. Of course. Good night.
- Okay, okay. Shh!
758
00:33:49,444 --> 00:33:52,493
(WRAPPER CRINKLING
AND TEARING)
759
00:33:58,453 --> 00:34:00,046
(MUNCHING)
760
00:34:06,002 --> 00:34:08,471
Are you chewing
on marbles over there?
761
00:34:08,547 --> 00:34:10,227
What is that sound, Ma?
What are you doing?
762
00:34:10,423 --> 00:34:11,515
What am I doing?
763
00:34:11,758 --> 00:34:13,977
I don't know what... It's really loud!
764
00:34:14,052 --> 00:34:15,053
I'm sorry.
765
00:34:15,136 --> 00:34:17,685
Is that tin foil you're playing with?
766
00:34:18,515 --> 00:34:20,188
- Just my M&M's.
- Oh.
767
00:34:20,433 --> 00:34:22,435
Okay, okay. You go to sleep.
768
00:34:22,852 --> 00:34:24,525
See you in the morning.
769
00:34:25,272 --> 00:34:27,525
(CONTINUES MUNCHING)
770
00:34:47,377 --> 00:34:49,425
You can take one of my books
into the bathroom
771
00:34:49,504 --> 00:34:50,721
if you have to make.
772
00:34:56,720 --> 00:34:58,643
(AUDIOBOOK PLAYING)
773
00:35:05,854 --> 00:35:06,855
Okay.
774
00:35:07,397 --> 00:35:08,694
Oh.
775
00:35:09,566 --> 00:35:11,113
It's getting really dark, isn't it?
776
00:35:11,192 --> 00:35:12,910
God, I hope it doesn't snow.
777
00:35:13,236 --> 00:35:16,581
Honey, we're in Tennessee.
It doesn't snow in Tennessee.
778
00:35:16,823 --> 00:35:18,746
(WIND HOWLING)
779
00:35:20,910 --> 00:35:24,255
You see? This is this
climate change thing!
780
00:35:24,497 --> 00:35:26,841
It's good I brought clothes
for all kinds of weather.
781
00:35:27,083 --> 00:35:28,963
- What are you doing?
- I'm getting my coat out!
782
00:35:29,044 --> 00:35:30,045
You're not being helpful!
783
00:35:30,128 --> 00:35:31,254
You're distracting me! Just sit down!
784
00:35:31,504 --> 00:35:32,505
Where's your coat?
785
00:35:32,589 --> 00:35:34,182
This is not very helpful right now.
786
00:35:34,424 --> 00:35:36,768
I can't believe I let you
talk me out of getting an SUV.
787
00:35:36,843 --> 00:35:37,844
I can't believe this.
788
00:35:40,096 --> 00:35:42,190
Andy, just drive slow, okay?
789
00:35:42,265 --> 00:35:43,437
Don't worry about
what the truckers think.
790
00:35:43,683 --> 00:35:45,151
I'm not worried about
what the truckers think!
791
00:35:45,226 --> 00:35:46,227
Why would I be worried about...
792
00:35:46,311 --> 00:35:47,358
(BOTH SCREAM)
793
00:35:47,437 --> 00:35:48,438
ANDY: Don't scream!
794
00:35:48,521 --> 00:35:49,522
JOYCE: Let's just get off this road!
795
00:35:49,606 --> 00:35:50,766
Maybe we should call Jessica!
796
00:35:50,857 --> 00:35:53,360
- You've got to be kidding me!
- Okay, we won't call her!
797
00:35:53,610 --> 00:35:55,783
No, we got a flat tire!
798
00:35:55,862 --> 00:35:58,115
Oh, this is a nightmare!
I'm pulling over.
799
00:35:58,365 --> 00:35:59,708
JOYCE: Good. Pull over!
800
00:35:59,949 --> 00:36:01,951
- Oh, we're going to die, Ma!
- No, we're not.
801
00:36:02,202 --> 00:36:04,170
- Where's your coat?
- Please stop talking.
802
00:36:04,537 --> 00:36:05,880
You know what? I deserve this.
803
00:36:05,955 --> 00:36:07,798
This is what you get
for driving cross-country
804
00:36:07,874 --> 00:36:09,296
in a skateboard.
805
00:36:09,542 --> 00:36:10,782
JOYCE: Don't dwell on the past.
806
00:36:10,794 --> 00:36:11,886
ANDY: It's just crazy. It's totally crazy.
807
00:36:12,128 --> 00:36:13,175
- It could be worse.
- Are you kidding me?
808
00:36:13,254 --> 00:36:14,631
Look, we're seeing! We're alive!
809
00:36:14,881 --> 00:36:16,849
- Okay, yeah, we're alive.
- Just thank God for that.
810
00:36:16,925 --> 00:36:18,051
- Okay?
- Okay. I'm gonna get out...
811
00:36:18,134 --> 00:36:19,181
Where's your coat?
812
00:36:19,260 --> 00:36:20,807
I don't need a coat!
I'll be back in two seconds, okay?
813
00:36:20,887 --> 00:36:22,309
- You want to take my scarf?
- No. I'm fine!
814
00:36:22,555 --> 00:36:25,229
JOYCE: You're so macho!
What are you proving here?
815
00:36:25,475 --> 00:36:27,477
Be careful you don't slip!
816
00:36:27,811 --> 00:36:30,439
Andy, your feet are going to get soaked!
817
00:36:30,522 --> 00:36:32,490
Where are your galoshes?
818
00:36:33,066 --> 00:36:34,409
Oh, come on.
819
00:36:36,820 --> 00:36:38,993
JOYCE: You're used to California,
that's what it is.
820
00:36:39,072 --> 00:36:40,995
You don't know from galoshes.
821
00:36:41,658 --> 00:36:43,001
ANDY: I don't know.
822
00:36:43,660 --> 00:36:45,333
I don't know. It...
823
00:36:45,995 --> 00:36:48,498
They don't look... They don't look flat.
824
00:36:48,998 --> 00:36:51,421
Well, something must be
wrong with it, you know?
825
00:36:51,501 --> 00:36:52,541
I don't know what's wrong.
826
00:36:52,585 --> 00:36:54,178
Why don't we call Triple A?
827
00:36:54,254 --> 00:36:55,575
Look, there's a restaurant there.
828
00:36:55,588 --> 00:36:59,092
Let's go and wait inside.
Oh... Does that say "tapas"?
829
00:36:59,342 --> 00:37:00,935
I love tapas!
830
00:37:01,177 --> 00:37:03,020
That's not what it says, Ma!
831
00:37:03,138 --> 00:37:05,607
MAN 1: - Over here, sweetheart!
(MAN 2 WHISTLING)
832
00:37:06,349 --> 00:37:07,726
MAN 1: Yeah!
833
00:37:09,477 --> 00:37:12,151
This place smells like strawberry gum.
834
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:14,653
ANDY: Please don't sit near me.
835
00:37:15,483 --> 00:37:17,156
When I was younger,
836
00:37:17,944 --> 00:37:21,118
your father tried to make me go
to one of these places with him.
837
00:37:21,197 --> 00:37:22,397
He thought it would be "sexy."
838
00:37:22,824 --> 00:37:23,996
Mmm.
839
00:37:24,451 --> 00:37:26,453
- Yeah. What can I say?
(GROANS)
840
00:37:27,328 --> 00:37:28,545
It's not that, is it?
841
00:37:29,789 --> 00:37:32,338
- What? Excuse me? What?
- Your problems with women.
842
00:37:32,792 --> 00:37:35,966
Do you think any of it is sexual?
843
00:37:36,296 --> 00:37:37,843
I actually almost threw up
all over the table
844
00:37:37,964 --> 00:37:38,931
- when you asked me that.
- Stop saying that.
845
00:37:39,007 --> 00:37:40,259
I almost projectile vomited
846
00:37:40,341 --> 00:37:41,621
- all over the bar.
- Oh, please.
847
00:37:41,676 --> 00:37:43,770
You know, come to think of it,
when you were a baby,
848
00:37:43,845 --> 00:37:45,847
about two months old,
849
00:37:46,139 --> 00:37:48,562
your penis started turning purple.
I swear.
850
00:37:48,641 --> 00:37:49,893
- Please stop.
- If I didn't inspect
851
00:37:49,976 --> 00:37:52,695
that penis carefully
every day, till you were five.
852
00:37:52,854 --> 00:37:54,527
I'm begging you
to stop talking right now.
853
00:37:54,689 --> 00:37:57,363
You'd tell me if your penis
started turning purple again, right?
854
00:37:57,692 --> 00:37:59,365
My penis could literally grow an eyeball
855
00:37:59,444 --> 00:38:00,445
and I wouldn't tell you about it.
856
00:38:00,695 --> 00:38:01,696
I just worry about you.
857
00:38:01,863 --> 00:38:04,116
- The color of my penis...
- It's not purple.
858
00:38:04,491 --> 00:38:05,492
It's pink. Hi!
859
00:38:06,367 --> 00:38:08,165
- Thank you.
- Thank you, sweetheart.
860
00:38:08,369 --> 00:38:10,792
The roads are pretty awful.
861
00:38:10,872 --> 00:38:13,045
Could take the tow truck quite a while.
862
00:38:13,500 --> 00:38:15,298
Our girl Moonlight's
pretty good with cars.
863
00:38:15,376 --> 00:38:17,049
You want me to ask her to take a look?
864
00:38:17,378 --> 00:38:18,550
Who's Moonlight?
865
00:38:19,047 --> 00:38:20,890
Oh, my gosh, this is
the cutest little thing.
866
00:38:21,341 --> 00:38:23,890
That's very nice of you, Moonlight.
867
00:38:23,968 --> 00:38:25,845
I just wish you were wearing
something warmer.
868
00:38:26,054 --> 00:38:28,398
Oh, that's sweet of you, but I'm fine.
869
00:38:28,681 --> 00:38:31,275
- Put your hood up, honey.
- No. I don't want to.
870
00:38:31,976 --> 00:38:34,525
Oh. Here it is.
871
00:38:34,854 --> 00:38:37,528
You got ice frozen up around the tire.
872
00:38:37,732 --> 00:38:40,531
It's blocking the wheel and making it
feel like you got a flat.
873
00:38:40,652 --> 00:38:41,653
- My God!
- You sure about that?
874
00:38:41,736 --> 00:38:42,737
You sure it's not flat?
875
00:38:43,029 --> 00:38:44,372
I'm positive.
876
00:38:46,032 --> 00:38:47,875
Wow! She really is a mechanic!
877
00:38:48,076 --> 00:38:49,578
She really knows what she's doing.
878
00:38:49,702 --> 00:38:51,420
My God, you weren't kidding.
879
00:38:51,579 --> 00:38:52,922
Thank you very much.
880
00:38:53,206 --> 00:38:55,007
Those heels come in handy.
I'm very impressed.
881
00:38:56,042 --> 00:38:58,841
May I interest you in a private dance?
882
00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:00,843
Oh! I'd love... Thank you,
883
00:39:00,922 --> 00:39:03,846
but maybe another time
when my mom's not here.
884
00:39:03,925 --> 00:39:05,427
On! (LAUGHS)
885
00:39:05,552 --> 00:39:07,225
- Great. Thank you.
- Okay.
886
00:39:07,303 --> 00:39:08,475
God bless, y'all!
887
00:39:08,596 --> 00:39:10,690
- Bye bye! Cover up!
- Oh, thank you, Miss Joyce.
888
00:39:10,765 --> 00:39:13,268
They're saying you shouldn't
get on the highway right now.
889
00:39:13,393 --> 00:39:14,440
Are you staying local?
890
00:39:14,727 --> 00:39:16,727
Yeah, we'll just get
a hotel or something, I guess.
891
00:39:17,063 --> 00:39:19,236
Well, actually,
we don't have to because...
892
00:39:19,566 --> 00:39:21,113
It's gonna be tough finding
a room anywhere in this.
893
00:39:21,234 --> 00:39:22,201
I bet.
894
00:39:22,277 --> 00:39:23,620
You got anywhere you can crash?
895
00:39:23,695 --> 00:39:25,948
- Yeah!
- No. We do not.
896
00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:28,241
- We do know somebody.
- We don't.
897
00:39:28,658 --> 00:39:30,178
- Don't you think we...
- No, we don't.
898
00:39:30,577 --> 00:39:32,420
JOYCE: We could call... You know.
899
00:39:32,537 --> 00:39:34,790
Jessica, thanks
for picking us up, honey.
900
00:39:35,248 --> 00:39:36,750
Your mother fills me in occasionally.
901
00:39:36,958 --> 00:39:38,926
How have you been, honey?
902
00:39:39,419 --> 00:39:42,093
- Uh, well, pregnant, Mrs. B.
(BOTH LAUGH)
903
00:39:42,589 --> 00:39:46,014
Yeah, I'm due again in April.
I feel like a house.
904
00:39:46,301 --> 00:39:47,803
Oh, no. Well, you look fantastic!
905
00:39:48,094 --> 00:39:49,311
Yeah. You look very pretty, still.
906
00:39:49,429 --> 00:39:50,646
Oh, well, thank you. I...
907
00:39:51,431 --> 00:39:52,774
I appreciate the lie.
908
00:39:52,891 --> 00:39:54,393
No, not a lie at all.
909
00:39:55,435 --> 00:39:57,608
Honestly, I don't know
how I keep getting pregnant.
910
00:39:57,687 --> 00:39:59,109
ROB: I got a theory.
911
00:39:59,188 --> 00:40:01,156
It's called two margaritas
and Love Actually.
912
00:40:01,232 --> 00:40:02,734
(ALL LAUGH)
913
00:40:02,817 --> 00:40:04,114
ANDY: Every time, right?
914
00:40:06,279 --> 00:40:07,326
JOYCE: Very nice house!
915
00:40:07,447 --> 00:40:09,449
Yeah. Very lovely color. Good paint job.
916
00:40:09,782 --> 00:40:12,456
- New paint job, new fixtures.
- It's very beautifully done.
917
00:40:12,785 --> 00:40:14,537
It's quite a setup you have here.
918
00:40:14,621 --> 00:40:15,622
Well, thanks.
919
00:40:16,122 --> 00:40:17,624
Yeah, we like it.
920
00:40:17,790 --> 00:40:20,168
I think it took a while
for my Jersey girl here
921
00:40:20,251 --> 00:40:22,128
to get adjusted, but I think she digs it.
922
00:40:22,503 --> 00:40:23,675
JESSICA: Yeah, I do.
923
00:40:23,755 --> 00:40:25,598
So, wait... So, Andy, you and Jessica
924
00:40:25,673 --> 00:40:26,970
were high school sweethearts?
925
00:40:27,050 --> 00:40:29,348
Yeah, we dated for a while
in high school. Yeah.
926
00:40:29,594 --> 00:40:31,312
It was great. It was a really fun time.
927
00:40:31,638 --> 00:40:33,515
Oh, wow. Hey, you know,
she talks about you all the time.
928
00:40:33,848 --> 00:40:35,725
- Oh!
- Really? That's funny,
929
00:40:35,808 --> 00:40:37,856
because we've been talking
about Jessica a lot.
930
00:40:38,144 --> 00:40:41,273
I don't know if we
talk about her a lot. Have we?
931
00:40:41,356 --> 00:40:43,154
I mean, a normal amount.
932
00:40:43,483 --> 00:40:45,281
She came up several times
in conversation.
933
00:40:45,526 --> 00:40:47,494
ANDY: - Very casually.
- You see, Jessica,
934
00:40:47,987 --> 00:40:51,992
Andy is still single,
and we were wondering whether
935
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:55,374
your break-up had anything to
do with it. What do you think?
936
00:40:55,453 --> 00:40:58,798
No, yeah, don't be ridiculous.
I mean, we were just kids.
937
00:40:59,332 --> 00:41:01,710
You broke up with me
when we were, what, like, 17?
938
00:41:01,876 --> 00:41:02,968
- Eighteen.
- Eighteen.
939
00:41:03,044 --> 00:41:04,546
ANDY: Mmm-hmm.
JOYCE: Wait a minute.
940
00:41:05,505 --> 00:41:07,507
You broke up with her?
941
00:41:08,174 --> 00:41:09,847
Well, technically, I guess.
942
00:41:10,051 --> 00:41:11,553
God! Remember how crazy you were?
943
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:13,813
I was young and kind of...
944
00:41:13,888 --> 00:41:16,016
You know, I felt a lot. Big feelings.
945
00:41:16,224 --> 00:41:18,477
Mrs. B, did you know that
Andy proposed to me
946
00:41:18,559 --> 00:41:19,902
right before we went to college?
947
00:41:20,186 --> 00:41:22,735
It was like a serious
get-on-your-knee kind of proposal
948
00:41:22,814 --> 00:41:24,494
right in the middle of the football field.
949
00:41:24,691 --> 00:41:26,739
It was silly. It was a silly thing to do.
950
00:41:26,943 --> 00:41:29,867
I said we were too young,
obviously, and he ended it,
951
00:41:29,946 --> 00:41:31,118
just like that!
952
00:41:31,197 --> 00:41:32,323
Mmm-hmm.
953
00:41:32,907 --> 00:41:33,908
Yeah!
954
00:41:34,075 --> 00:41:35,595
Andy, can you imagine if I'd said yes?
955
00:41:35,743 --> 00:41:36,960
(CHUCKLES)
956
00:41:37,704 --> 00:41:39,047
No.
957
00:41:39,539 --> 00:41:40,916
JESSICA: Hmm.
958
00:41:51,759 --> 00:41:53,136
(SIGHS)
959
00:41:55,555 --> 00:41:58,559
You proposed to her. Andy, that's so...
960
00:42:00,476 --> 00:42:01,819
I wish I knew that.
961
00:42:03,563 --> 00:42:06,066
Well, you do now.
962
00:42:11,070 --> 00:42:13,072
I was just trying to help.
963
00:42:13,948 --> 00:42:15,165
You always are.
964
00:42:17,618 --> 00:42:20,292
Maybe it was healthy to see her.
965
00:42:21,247 --> 00:42:23,124
Maybe it'll help you get on with your life.
966
00:42:24,417 --> 00:42:27,921
Or maybe, just once, you could have,
967
00:42:28,963 --> 00:42:31,307
one time, just minded
your own business, Ma.
968
00:42:31,382 --> 00:42:32,622
Maybe that could have happened.
969
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:36,263
Look, I have Costco today, okay?
970
00:42:36,596 --> 00:42:37,643
I would appreciate it very much
971
00:42:37,764 --> 00:42:40,517
if we could just drive in
silence until we get to Texas.
972
00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:41,601
I would...
973
00:42:42,935 --> 00:42:44,778
I would appreciate that very much.
974
00:42:55,406 --> 00:42:56,407
(CLEARS THROAT)
975
00:43:06,834 --> 00:43:08,928
(MUTTERING)
976
00:43:18,471 --> 00:43:20,348
They're gonna come
get me in a second,
977
00:43:20,431 --> 00:43:23,150
so just wait here until I'm
back and don't talk to anyone.
978
00:43:23,643 --> 00:43:25,987
- Can I just say one thing?
- No. You can't.
979
00:43:26,312 --> 00:43:28,113
Andy, I don't think
they're coming to get you.
980
00:43:28,856 --> 00:43:30,278
Why would they not
be coming down to get me?
981
00:43:30,358 --> 00:43:31,735
Because I'm noticing
how it's done here.
982
00:43:31,901 --> 00:43:33,494
It's like a different thing. You know?
983
00:43:33,569 --> 00:43:35,446
They come to your table or something.
984
00:43:35,530 --> 00:43:38,454
The people with the red,
they see things on the table.
985
00:43:38,533 --> 00:43:40,206
You bring your product or something. I...
986
00:43:40,326 --> 00:43:41,498
Shit!
987
00:43:41,702 --> 00:43:44,205
- Go away. Just leave.
- Where am I gonna meet you?
988
00:43:44,497 --> 00:43:46,499
- Andrew?
- Hi! Hi there!
989
00:43:46,833 --> 00:43:49,882
A pleasure to finally meet you, Andrew.
Ryan McFee.
990
00:43:50,503 --> 00:43:51,846
- Yeah. Great.
- Costco.
991
00:43:52,046 --> 00:43:54,390
This is Joyce. Joyce...
992
00:43:55,007 --> 00:43:57,009
...-ton, my... Joyce Joyston.
993
00:43:57,343 --> 00:43:59,266
(STAMMERING) My business partner.
994
00:43:59,345 --> 00:44:00,312
- Ah!
- Yes!
995
00:44:00,388 --> 00:44:01,389
I'm his business partner.
996
00:44:01,514 --> 00:44:03,608
- Then you should have a seat.
- Fantastic! Yeah!
997
00:44:03,683 --> 00:44:05,856
- Of course. Have a seat.
- "Business partner, sit!"
998
00:44:05,935 --> 00:44:07,733
ANDY: Yes. Why wouldn't you?
999
00:44:07,812 --> 00:44:10,861
So, I would just like
to start by saying how
1000
00:44:11,190 --> 00:44:13,659
honored I am that Costco Wholesale
would meet with me.
1001
00:44:13,734 --> 00:44:16,203
I know the backing of Costco
1002
00:44:16,279 --> 00:44:19,374
could really make a product
into something big.
1003
00:44:19,448 --> 00:44:20,700
Well, I'm looking forward
to hearing your pitch.
1004
00:44:20,783 --> 00:44:21,784
Thank you.
1005
00:44:21,909 --> 00:44:24,253
Now, some history on my product.
1006
00:44:24,745 --> 00:44:26,372
- I'm sorry.
- No problem!
1007
00:44:26,873 --> 00:44:28,875
- What is that?
- My purse hook.
1008
00:44:29,167 --> 00:44:30,168
What does it do?
1009
00:44:30,376 --> 00:44:34,677
It just keeps the pocketbook
from touching the dirty floor.
1010
00:44:34,755 --> 00:44:36,098
(LAUGHS)
1011
00:44:36,382 --> 00:44:39,682
- Ah! That is great!
- Yeah, it's really neat.
1012
00:44:39,927 --> 00:44:41,929
Where'd you get that, the purse hook?
1013
00:44:42,138 --> 00:44:43,640
Uh, Amazon, I think.
1014
00:44:45,016 --> 00:44:46,233
Hmm.
1015
00:44:50,271 --> 00:44:52,820
(MOUTHING)
1016
00:44:52,899 --> 00:44:54,242
(WHISPERING) GO.
1017
00:44:54,442 --> 00:44:56,365
(WHISPERING) No, I am not going.
It's rude.
1018
00:44:57,570 --> 00:44:58,913
- Go.
- No, it would look bad.
1019
00:44:59,113 --> 00:45:00,114
Get out of here!
1020
00:45:00,281 --> 00:45:03,080
It's very rude. Extremely rude.
1021
00:45:03,284 --> 00:45:04,627
Will you just go?
1022
00:45:04,911 --> 00:45:05,912
Stop that.
1023
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:07,918
Sorry. Please, continue.
1024
00:45:08,915 --> 00:45:12,590
I created a micro-emulsion
suspension, Ryan,
1025
00:45:12,919 --> 00:45:17,925
that harnesses the natural
cleaning and foaming power of
1026
00:45:18,174 --> 00:45:19,676
coconut oil,
1027
00:45:20,885 --> 00:45:22,228
palm kernel oil...
1028
00:45:23,095 --> 00:45:24,096
Oxygen.
1029
00:45:24,305 --> 00:45:25,306
...and
1030
00:45:26,265 --> 00:45:27,608
soy!
1031
00:45:27,934 --> 00:45:29,902
Or as I like to call it,
1032
00:45:30,603 --> 00:45:32,446
- Scieoclean!
- Scieoclean!
1033
00:45:33,272 --> 00:45:34,444
Sounds good.
1034
00:45:34,857 --> 00:45:36,279
Oh, Oh!
1035
00:45:37,276 --> 00:45:40,155
Scieoclean. Yes.
It took me a second. Sorry.
1036
00:45:40,446 --> 00:45:44,326
It read at first like Skyoclean.
Or Psychoclean.
1037
00:45:44,617 --> 00:45:45,994
That's an unusual response.
1038
00:45:46,285 --> 00:45:48,629
Don't get hung up on the name, Ryan.
1039
00:45:48,829 --> 00:45:52,834
I mean, because Andrew
was thinking of changing it.
1040
00:45:53,125 --> 00:45:55,219
RYAN: - Oh, that's a good idea.
- Is he? Ah.
1041
00:45:55,670 --> 00:45:57,672
- Joyce is right. It's unclear.
JOYCE: - Uh-huh. I agree.
1042
00:45:57,755 --> 00:45:59,098
Yeah. I wasn't really considering it.
1043
00:45:59,173 --> 00:46:00,140
I don't know what...
1044
00:46:00,216 --> 00:46:02,093
- We talked about changing it.
- No, we didn't.
1045
00:46:02,176 --> 00:46:03,428
- In the hotel.
- I don't remember that.
1046
00:46:03,511 --> 00:46:05,229
You said that
the other night at the hotel.
1047
00:46:05,346 --> 00:46:06,347
- I did?
- Don't you remember, honey?
1048
00:46:06,514 --> 00:46:07,936
- Don't call me "honey."
- Mr. Brewster.
1049
00:46:08,015 --> 00:46:12,612
Maybe if you simply relabeled
the bottle "Science Clean."
1050
00:46:13,521 --> 00:46:14,773
That's a good idea.
1051
00:46:14,855 --> 00:46:17,016
I don't actually have any
money to relabel any bottles.
1052
00:46:17,024 --> 00:46:18,504
Wait a minute. How much would it cost
1053
00:46:18,526 --> 00:46:19,527
to relabel the bottles?
1054
00:46:19,652 --> 00:46:21,199
Bulk? (SCOFFS)
A fraction of a cent.
1055
00:46:21,654 --> 00:46:23,334
Half a cent!
And you're going to sell bulk.
1056
00:46:23,531 --> 00:46:24,532
What's the big deal?
1057
00:46:24,657 --> 00:46:26,204
Well, the aggregate amount...
1058
00:46:26,284 --> 00:46:27,957
So, listen, Andrew,
when you relabel the bottle...
1059
00:46:28,077 --> 00:46:29,078
"When" is a little preemptive.
1060
00:46:29,203 --> 00:46:31,626
I don't know if I would jump
to the "when" conclusion.
1061
00:46:31,706 --> 00:46:33,879
- Listen to what he's saying.
- When you do, I would change
1062
00:46:33,958 --> 00:46:35,210
- the whole color scheme.
- I agree.
1063
00:46:35,293 --> 00:46:37,421
It should be more, like, magenta.
1064
00:46:37,586 --> 00:46:38,929
What's gonna pop? You know?
1065
00:46:39,005 --> 00:46:41,804
I would strongly consider
relabeling that bottle.
1066
00:46:41,882 --> 00:46:43,555
I know, but I put
a lot of thought into this...
1067
00:46:43,634 --> 00:46:45,307
JOYCE: Listen to what
the man is saying.
1068
00:46:45,386 --> 00:46:46,808
RYAN: You're going to have
to relabel the bottle.
1069
00:46:47,054 --> 00:46:49,728
I'm not changing
the goddamn label, Ryan!
1070
00:46:54,145 --> 00:46:55,488
Okay.
1071
00:47:03,821 --> 00:47:06,074
I know. I shouldn't have said anything.
1072
00:47:06,824 --> 00:47:08,167
Yep.
1073
00:47:10,328 --> 00:47:13,172
There are many other stores
besides Costco.
1074
00:47:14,165 --> 00:47:15,337
Yep.
1075
00:47:15,666 --> 00:47:18,340
Think of all the other sales
you already made.
1076
00:47:31,932 --> 00:47:33,184
Ah!
1077
00:47:36,103 --> 00:47:37,229
Well, the good news is,
1078
00:47:37,313 --> 00:47:39,941
I have got enough hair product
to last me for years.
1079
00:47:45,905 --> 00:47:47,282
(SIGHS)
1080
00:47:49,450 --> 00:47:51,828
if you're going to drink all that alcohol,
1081
00:47:51,952 --> 00:47:54,125
you should really hydrate.
1082
00:48:02,963 --> 00:48:05,466
I don't want to say it again, so...
1083
00:48:05,966 --> 00:48:09,641
So, I'll just leave the water bottle here.
1084
00:48:15,142 --> 00:48:18,316
I only say that because
1085
00:48:18,646 --> 00:48:21,445
I read that for every glass
of alcohol that you drink,
1086
00:48:21,524 --> 00:48:23,492
you need an extra glass of water...
1087
00:48:23,984 --> 00:48:25,657
Ma. Ma!
1088
00:48:27,154 --> 00:48:31,125
Can you not see that I don't
want to talk right now?
1089
00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:32,793
Are you... Are you blind?
1090
00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:34,833
How idiotic can you be?
1091
00:48:34,954 --> 00:48:38,003
Can you not tell
that I don't want any water?
1092
00:48:38,332 --> 00:48:41,927
Enough with the nagging
and the water! Just shut up!
1093
00:48:42,378 --> 00:48:44,221
Just shut up!
1094
00:48:52,513 --> 00:48:54,356
I don't know what to say.
1095
00:48:55,975 --> 00:48:56,976
Finally.
1096
00:48:57,852 --> 00:48:58,853
"Finally", you said?
1097
00:49:04,024 --> 00:49:05,867
You little shit.
1098
00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:07,486
Mmm!
1099
00:49:08,028 --> 00:49:12,329
You condescending,
self-absorbed little shit.
1100
00:49:14,076 --> 00:49:16,795
I can't do anything right
by you, can I, Andy?
1101
00:49:18,038 --> 00:49:21,383
Everything I say is wrong,
everything I do is wrong.
1102
00:49:23,210 --> 00:49:25,838
Go ahead. Why don't you
keep insulting me?
1103
00:49:26,714 --> 00:49:28,387
'Cause you haven't made it quite clear
1104
00:49:28,507 --> 00:49:31,727
just how much
you can't stand being with me!
1105
00:49:32,887 --> 00:49:35,982
What do you think, I'm stupid?
You think I'm stupid?
1106
00:49:36,557 --> 00:49:40,528
No. You think I don't know that
you went to school in California
1107
00:49:40,895 --> 00:49:43,239
so that you'd only
have to see me once a year?
1108
00:49:44,231 --> 00:49:45,403
Why, Andy? Why?
1109
00:49:45,774 --> 00:49:47,617
What did I do wrong?
1110
00:49:48,402 --> 00:49:50,530
What did I do?
Did I care for you too much?
1111
00:49:50,613 --> 00:49:53,036
Did I love you too much? What did I do?
1112
00:49:53,449 --> 00:49:55,668
- Okay, Ma.
- It's not okay!
1113
00:49:55,910 --> 00:49:57,503
This is the way you talk to me?
1114
00:49:57,745 --> 00:50:01,340
Like I'm some thing that
has to be tolerated?
1115
00:50:01,916 --> 00:50:04,089
Well, let me tell you something, kiddo.
1116
00:50:04,418 --> 00:50:07,592
You don't have to like me,
or spend time with me.
1117
00:50:07,963 --> 00:50:09,761
But as long as I'm your mother,
1118
00:50:09,882 --> 00:50:11,555
you will treat me with respect.
1119
00:50:12,092 --> 00:50:13,514
Now drink your fucking water
1120
00:50:13,594 --> 00:50:16,393
before you drop dead from dehydration!
1121
00:50:19,892 --> 00:50:20,893
(SIGHS)
1122
00:50:21,435 --> 00:50:22,778
(DOOR BANGS SHUT)
1123
00:50:26,273 --> 00:50:28,071
(INDISTINCT)
1124
00:50:49,672 --> 00:50:50,969
(BELL TINKLING)
1125
00:50:53,133 --> 00:50:55,135
JOYCE: I was telling you this story
1126
00:50:55,219 --> 00:50:56,812
that was about Macy's and...
1127
00:50:56,887 --> 00:50:58,889
- You heard of Macy's?
JIMMY: - Yes, ma'am.
1128
00:50:59,139 --> 00:51:00,937
JOYCE: I was sitting in the car, you see,
1129
00:51:01,016 --> 00:51:03,565
and I was trying to jam
the key in the ignition,
1130
00:51:03,644 --> 00:51:06,363
but it wouldn't turn on.
And you know why it wouldn't turn on?
1131
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:08,482
Because I was sitting in the wrong car!
1132
00:51:08,566 --> 00:51:09,567
(ALL LAUGHING)
1133
00:51:09,650 --> 00:51:13,154
Isn't that funny?
It was very funny at the time.
1134
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:15,869
- Hey, Ma.
- Oh, my God!
1135
00:51:16,156 --> 00:51:19,160
Look at who's here. The big, bad son!
1136
00:51:19,493 --> 00:51:21,495
- Andy!
MAN: - Hey, son.
1137
00:51:21,704 --> 00:51:23,047
What, did you come to get me?
1138
00:51:23,247 --> 00:51:25,408
We should probably head back
to the room, for a minute.
1139
00:51:25,416 --> 00:51:26,918
- I don't think so.
- No?
1140
00:51:27,001 --> 00:51:29,754
I'm having fun here, Andy!
I'm being fun!
1141
00:51:30,004 --> 00:51:32,006
And I'm meeting men! Andy!
1142
00:51:32,214 --> 00:51:33,466
Isn't that what you wanted?
1143
00:51:33,549 --> 00:51:34,675
That's not really what I meant, Mom.
1144
00:51:34,758 --> 00:51:37,181
Everybody, say hello to my little boy
1145
00:51:37,428 --> 00:51:41,023
who lives in California,
far away from his mommy.
1146
00:51:41,265 --> 00:51:42,733
The opposite side of the world.
1147
00:51:43,350 --> 00:51:45,444
- Ma, you're drunk right now.
- Please!
1148
00:51:45,519 --> 00:51:46,736
- You've had too much to drink.
- I am not drunk.
1149
00:51:46,937 --> 00:51:49,110
I'm not drunk! He's far, far away.
1150
00:51:49,356 --> 00:51:51,529
But that's okay! It's okay. Jimmy?
1151
00:51:51,775 --> 00:51:55,450
You know it's okay because
he calls me on my birthday
1152
00:51:55,696 --> 00:51:57,790
and sometimes he comes home
for Thanksgiving.
1153
00:51:58,032 --> 00:52:01,377
I need another one
of these drinky-poos! Okay?
1154
00:52:01,452 --> 00:52:02,624
Coming up.
1155
00:52:02,870 --> 00:52:04,622
Jimmy, I think she's actually
had enough to drink,
1156
00:52:04,705 --> 00:52:05,706
thank you very much.
1157
00:52:06,040 --> 00:52:08,543
No, I haven't!
Don't listen to him, Jimmy!
1158
00:52:08,876 --> 00:52:11,550
I want another drink,
and I need more cheesy fries.
1159
00:52:13,047 --> 00:52:16,221
Seriously, I think
she's had enough to drink.
1160
00:52:16,550 --> 00:52:17,802
Sorry, boss.
1161
00:52:17,885 --> 00:52:19,686
The lady wants a drink,
she's getting a drink.
1162
00:52:19,887 --> 00:52:23,733
The thing is, the lady doesn't
actually need a drink.
1163
00:52:24,058 --> 00:52:25,401
I paid for it, she's drinking it.
1164
00:52:25,643 --> 00:52:27,896
Look, you are crazy if you think
1165
00:52:27,978 --> 00:52:29,901
I'm gonna let you
give that drink to my mom.
1166
00:52:30,147 --> 00:52:31,865
You should just get out of my way now.
1167
00:52:31,940 --> 00:52:32,941
Wait...
1168
00:52:33,734 --> 00:52:36,078
Actually, I'm really tired.
1169
00:52:36,403 --> 00:52:38,906
I think we should be going.
We gotta be going.
1170
00:52:38,989 --> 00:52:40,912
No, no, no, no, no.
1171
00:52:41,075 --> 00:52:42,292
- Thank you so much.
- Joyce...
1172
00:52:42,743 --> 00:52:44,120
- No...
- Hey! Hey!
1173
00:52:45,579 --> 00:52:46,922
JOYCE: Oh, my God!
1174
00:52:47,581 --> 00:52:48,924
No, no, Jimmy...
1175
00:52:48,999 --> 00:52:50,376
(ANDY GROANS)
1176
00:53:03,931 --> 00:53:05,433
Quite a night.
1177
00:53:11,772 --> 00:53:13,133
Do you remember what I used to say
1178
00:53:13,190 --> 00:53:15,864
when people asked me what
I wanted to be when I grew up?
1179
00:53:19,113 --> 00:53:21,957
I didn't say baseball player.
1180
00:53:22,282 --> 00:53:24,330
A lot of my friends
wanted to be Power Rangers.
1181
00:53:24,451 --> 00:53:26,624
That was a very popular profession.
1182
00:53:27,204 --> 00:53:28,644
I was the weirdest kid in the world,
1183
00:53:28,664 --> 00:53:31,543
because I said organic chemist
every time!
1184
00:53:31,792 --> 00:53:34,796
I mean, that's the only thing
I ever wanted to be.
1185
00:53:35,129 --> 00:53:36,472
Do you remember that?
1186
00:53:36,797 --> 00:53:38,219
Yes, I do.
1187
00:53:39,299 --> 00:53:42,143
Always doing these strange
1188
00:53:42,469 --> 00:53:44,972
experiments in the basement,
1189
00:53:45,305 --> 00:53:48,479
wearing these goggles.
I remember them.
1190
00:53:48,726 --> 00:53:50,728
Four times too big for your head.
1191
00:53:50,978 --> 00:53:53,652
Dude, those things
saved my eyes many times.
1192
00:53:58,318 --> 00:54:02,994
I went to UCLA because they have
the best organic chemistry program
1193
00:54:03,323 --> 00:54:04,825
in the country.
1194
00:54:05,659 --> 00:54:07,002
That's the only reason.
1195
00:54:25,387 --> 00:54:26,730
You hungry?
1196
00:54:28,056 --> 00:54:29,774
- Always.
(CHUCKLES) Okay.
1197
00:54:32,394 --> 00:54:34,067
JOYCE: All right. Let's see.
1198
00:54:35,397 --> 00:54:37,070
I'll have an appetizer...
1199
00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:39,401
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
1200
00:54:39,485 --> 00:54:40,486
Thanks.
1201
00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:42,663
I like those hats.
1202
00:54:46,408 --> 00:54:48,706
I'm sorry about last night,
Ma, what I said.
1203
00:54:48,786 --> 00:54:51,255
I shouldn't have said that.
1204
00:54:51,914 --> 00:54:53,257
I said some things, too.
1205
00:54:53,373 --> 00:54:54,374
Yeah, you did.
1206
00:54:54,750 --> 00:54:55,876
(CHUCKLES)
1207
00:54:59,421 --> 00:55:01,264
I haven't made one sale, Ma.
1208
00:55:02,466 --> 00:55:03,467
I, uh...
1209
00:55:04,760 --> 00:55:07,934
I've spent the last five years
developing a product
1210
00:55:08,013 --> 00:55:09,356
that's really good,
1211
00:55:09,431 --> 00:55:12,184
and that I can't sell, at all, to anybody.
1212
00:55:12,434 --> 00:55:15,608
All my money, all my time,
all the money Dad left me,
1213
00:55:15,854 --> 00:55:18,198
I have none of that anymore.
1214
00:55:18,440 --> 00:55:20,283
And, honestly, I have
1215
00:55:20,609 --> 00:55:24,284
no idea what I'm going to do
from now on, so...
1216
00:55:24,947 --> 00:55:26,369
I thought you should know that.
1217
00:55:27,282 --> 00:55:29,956
- Why didn't you say anything?
- I don't know.
1218
00:55:30,285 --> 00:55:33,710
You know, you always say,
"Who could say no to you?"
1219
00:55:33,789 --> 00:55:34,790
I didn't want to...
1220
00:55:35,374 --> 00:55:37,376
I didn't want to have to read you the list.
1221
00:55:41,255 --> 00:55:42,598
I could give you advice.
1222
00:55:42,798 --> 00:55:45,642
- I'm sure you could.
- But I'm not going to.
1223
00:55:46,134 --> 00:55:49,138
'Cause you're a grown-up, Andy,
1224
00:55:49,471 --> 00:55:52,816
and I want you to be your own man.
1225
00:55:53,058 --> 00:55:55,402
- So you can...
- When did you call Anita?
1226
00:55:56,645 --> 00:55:58,818
(CHUCKLING) Before I went
to the bar last night.
1227
00:55:58,897 --> 00:56:00,365
Okay. (LAUGHING)
1228
00:56:00,566 --> 00:56:02,364
Andy, don't give up, okay?
1229
00:56:02,442 --> 00:56:04,410
I mean, we still have
three more meetings, right?
1230
00:56:04,653 --> 00:56:07,827
We have Santa Fe,
we have Vegas, San Francisco.
1231
00:56:08,156 --> 00:56:10,659
- And it's not over yet, okay?
- Um...
1232
00:56:13,161 --> 00:56:14,287
Yeah.
1233
00:56:15,497 --> 00:56:17,340
About San Francisco, Ma...
1234
00:56:17,583 --> 00:56:19,503
Welcome to Cattlemen's.
Y'all know what you want?
1235
00:56:19,585 --> 00:56:21,679
What is this... What is this thing here?
1236
00:56:21,920 --> 00:56:23,422
Oh, that's our specialty!
1237
00:56:23,505 --> 00:56:25,599
It's the biggest piece
of Grade A steak around.
1238
00:56:25,841 --> 00:56:27,343
- Yeah?
- Fifty ounces!
1239
00:56:27,843 --> 00:56:30,266
It comes with a dinner salad, roll,
1240
00:56:30,345 --> 00:56:32,439
shrimp cocktail and a baked potato.
1241
00:56:32,681 --> 00:56:34,558
Now, if you can eat that all
in under an hour,
1242
00:56:34,641 --> 00:56:36,769
you get it for free. And you get a T-shirt!
1243
00:56:37,019 --> 00:56:40,193
Really? How much is it
if you don't finish?
1244
00:56:40,439 --> 00:56:41,611
A hundred bucks.
1245
00:56:41,857 --> 00:56:43,017
- A hundred bucks?
- Whoa, Ma,
1246
00:56:43,025 --> 00:56:44,368
are you kidding me right now?
1247
00:56:44,610 --> 00:56:47,159
You're broke, honey.
Don't turn free down.
1248
00:56:47,237 --> 00:56:48,534
And you know how I can eat!
1249
00:56:48,780 --> 00:56:51,374
Yeah, that's four and a half
pounds of meat, Mom.
1250
00:56:51,450 --> 00:56:53,202
That's a lot of meat!
1251
00:56:53,452 --> 00:56:55,875
I mean, that's like eating
a poodle. You know?
1252
00:56:55,954 --> 00:56:57,354
You actually think you can do that?
1253
00:56:57,372 --> 00:57:00,091
I don't just think it, honey. I know it.
1254
00:57:00,167 --> 00:57:02,044
It's just if I want to do it, that's it.
1255
00:57:02,377 --> 00:57:03,799
Well, you want to do it, hon?
1256
00:57:05,631 --> 00:57:07,633
Yeah. I'm gonna do it.
1257
00:57:07,716 --> 00:57:09,639
But I want the salad dressing
on the side.
1258
00:57:10,385 --> 00:57:11,637
It's a Weight Watchers thing.
1259
00:57:11,720 --> 00:57:12,892
Ladies and gentlemen!
(BANGS ON TABLE)
1260
00:57:12,971 --> 00:57:15,520
If you would direct
your attention to the stage,
1261
00:57:15,599 --> 00:57:17,522
you will find Miss Joyce Brewster.
1262
00:57:17,601 --> 00:57:19,148
- Hi.
(APPLAUSE)
1263
00:57:20,228 --> 00:57:21,428
Now, Joyce is from New Jersey.
1264
00:57:21,438 --> 00:57:22,485
(CROWD BOOING)
1265
00:57:22,564 --> 00:57:24,157
- Hey, now...
- Oh, that's not nice.
1266
00:57:24,232 --> 00:57:26,576
That's not nice!
Joyce is from New Jersey,
1267
00:57:26,652 --> 00:57:28,996
but she's going to eat
like a Texan tonight!
1268
00:57:29,071 --> 00:57:30,618
(ALL CHEERING)
1269
00:57:32,407 --> 00:57:34,751
Now, in the next hour,
Joyce will have to consume
1270
00:57:34,826 --> 00:57:36,749
a tossed salad,
with dressing on the side...
1271
00:57:36,995 --> 00:57:37,996
Healthy.
1272
00:57:38,246 --> 00:57:40,419
One of our dinner rolls.
1273
00:57:40,874 --> 00:57:41,841
Yum!
1274
00:57:41,917 --> 00:57:43,590
A shrimp cocktail!
1275
00:57:44,252 --> 00:57:46,596
- Love them.
- A baked potato!
1276
00:57:48,256 --> 00:57:50,930
As well as this here.
1277
00:57:51,051 --> 00:57:52,268
(CROWD EXCLAIMING)
1278
00:57:53,428 --> 00:57:55,430
Wow! That is big!
1279
00:57:55,847 --> 00:57:57,190
Holy shit!
1280
00:57:57,265 --> 00:57:59,768
And it all has to get down and stay down
in under an hour.
1281
00:57:59,935 --> 00:58:02,438
Everybody, let's give Joyce
a great big hand!
1282
00:58:02,521 --> 00:58:03,818
(CHEERING)
1283
00:58:07,609 --> 00:58:09,282
- And let's go!
- Okay.
1284
00:58:09,611 --> 00:58:12,455
- I have to put my napkin down.
- Come on, Joyce!
1285
00:58:15,617 --> 00:58:16,994
Don't get all dainty, Joyce.
1286
00:58:17,077 --> 00:58:18,624
- Just dig in. Like a buzz saw.
- Okay.
1287
00:58:18,954 --> 00:58:20,922
All right, thank you. Okay.
1288
00:58:21,456 --> 00:58:22,628
Whoa, this is thick.
1289
00:58:22,874 --> 00:58:24,394
- Just eat it.
JOYCE: - My first bite!
1290
00:58:27,337 --> 00:58:28,554
(APPLAUSE)
1291
00:58:28,630 --> 00:58:29,847
(CHEERING)
1292
00:58:29,965 --> 00:58:30,966
(LAUGHS)
1293
00:58:32,217 --> 00:58:34,219
This could be a lot of bites.
1294
00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:53,742
I'm so hot.
1295
00:58:57,659 --> 00:59:01,334
Okay, everybody! Joyce has got
25 minutes to go now!
1296
00:59:01,663 --> 00:59:03,256
Watch the clock!
1297
00:59:11,339 --> 00:59:13,182
Excuse me. Sorry.
1298
00:59:13,508 --> 00:59:15,055
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay. (CHUCKLES)
1299
00:59:16,344 --> 00:59:18,346
I've seen all sorts of people
get after that steak,
1300
00:59:18,430 --> 00:59:19,682
but never one like that.
1301
00:59:22,184 --> 00:59:23,857
That's, uh, my mom.
1302
00:59:25,854 --> 00:59:26,855
That's your mom?
1303
00:59:27,105 --> 00:59:28,948
I would not lie about that, no.
(LAUGHS)
1304
00:59:29,608 --> 00:59:31,451
I'm Benjamin Graw.
My friends call me Ben.
1305
00:59:32,194 --> 00:59:33,411
Hi, Ben Graw.
1306
00:59:33,487 --> 00:59:37,037
I'm Andrew Brewster.
My mother calls me Andy.
1307
00:59:37,282 --> 00:59:39,205
What brings you to Lubbock, Andy?
1308
00:59:39,701 --> 00:59:42,295
(STAMMERING) I'm traveling for work.
1309
00:59:42,370 --> 00:59:43,650
I'm just passing through, kinda.
1310
00:59:43,705 --> 00:59:46,049
Yeah, me, too. I'm headed to Tulsa.
1311
00:59:46,374 --> 00:59:48,217
I always try and make
a stop here on my way,
1312
00:59:48,543 --> 00:59:49,795
you know, at the Steak Ranch here,
1313
00:59:49,878 --> 00:59:52,097
watching people get
physically ill onstage.
1314
00:59:52,172 --> 00:59:53,765
It just don't get
much more American than that.
1315
00:59:53,840 --> 00:59:54,841
It doesn't, no.
1316
00:59:55,300 --> 00:59:57,894
No, no. She should
save the shrimp for last.
1317
00:59:58,386 --> 01:00:00,013
I'm kind of an expert by now.
1318
01:00:00,097 --> 01:00:02,065
I could help your mom,
give her some tips.
1319
01:00:03,725 --> 01:00:05,568
Yeah! Sure. Why not?
1320
01:00:05,644 --> 01:00:07,237
- Go for it. Yeah.
- Okay.
1321
01:00:13,068 --> 01:00:15,366
Howdy, ma'am. Your son, Andrew,
1322
01:00:15,445 --> 01:00:17,413
said I should come over
and give you a hand.
1323
01:00:17,739 --> 01:00:20,208
See, the key is the size
of the pieces you cut off,
1324
01:00:20,283 --> 01:00:21,803
- you gotta keep them small.
- Mmm-hmm.
1325
01:00:22,869 --> 01:00:23,870
One other thing.
1326
01:00:25,413 --> 01:00:27,336
What? What is it?
1327
01:00:27,415 --> 01:00:29,258
It's called the cycle.
1328
01:00:29,334 --> 01:00:31,454
You got to learn the cycle,
which is two small pieces,
1329
01:00:31,753 --> 01:00:34,632
potato, salad, then you have
two small pieces of steak,
1330
01:00:34,714 --> 01:00:36,091
- potato, salad.
- About that size?
1331
01:00:36,174 --> 01:00:37,767
Yeah. That's perfect, actually.
1332
01:00:37,843 --> 01:00:39,516
You'll get that down a lot faster.
1333
01:00:39,761 --> 01:00:41,763
- Okay. So two of those...
- Two of those.
1334
01:00:42,013 --> 01:00:43,014
There you go.
1335
01:00:43,098 --> 01:00:44,691
I wish I could offer you some but I can't.
1336
01:00:44,766 --> 01:00:46,018
No, you got to eat this all yourself.
1337
01:00:46,101 --> 01:00:47,273
- And then that.
- Yeah.
1338
01:00:48,270 --> 01:00:50,364
- That's perfect.
- Is that good?
1339
01:00:50,438 --> 01:00:53,567
Yeah, it's good. You actually
did all four at the same time.
1340
01:00:53,650 --> 01:00:55,690
That's pretty good.
Now let's keep going. (CHUCKLES)
1341
01:00:56,611 --> 01:00:58,613
Mom's talking to a cowboy.
1342
01:00:58,947 --> 01:01:00,949
EMCEE: Come on!
It's four minutes to go for Joyce!
1343
01:01:01,074 --> 01:01:03,042
Give her a hand. Get up and
give her some encouragement!
1344
01:01:03,118 --> 01:01:06,793
- Faster, Andy, cut faster!
- I'm going as fast as I can.
1345
01:01:07,455 --> 01:01:08,798
My arm's falling off.
1346
01:01:09,040 --> 01:01:10,383
Is it hot in here, or...
1347
01:01:10,625 --> 01:01:12,548
It's actually really, really hot in here.
1348
01:01:12,627 --> 01:01:13,924
It's not just you this time. (CHUCKLES)
1349
01:01:14,045 --> 01:01:16,343
You think I could ask them
for a little ketchup?
1350
01:01:16,423 --> 01:01:18,016
I think you could ask
for whatever you want, Mom.
1351
01:01:18,133 --> 01:01:19,225
I'll get you some ketchup.
1352
01:01:19,301 --> 01:01:20,302
But I'd like a little seltzer, too.
1353
01:01:20,385 --> 01:01:22,137
No, no. No seltzer, you need flat water.
1354
01:01:22,220 --> 01:01:23,472
Seltzer will make you too full.
1355
01:01:23,555 --> 01:01:25,075
- Where's the ketchup?
- Are you okay?
1356
01:01:25,307 --> 01:01:26,980
- No, I'm not okay.
- Are you sure?
1357
01:01:27,225 --> 01:01:28,226
I'm not okay!
1358
01:01:28,393 --> 01:01:29,986
You know what?
You know what? Look...
1359
01:01:30,061 --> 01:01:31,313
- I'm throwing in the towel.
- I wanted to do this.
1360
01:01:31,396 --> 01:01:32,739
No, I'm throwing it in.
1361
01:01:32,981 --> 01:01:34,574
Andy, I don't want you
to have to pay 100 bucks
1362
01:01:34,649 --> 01:01:35,650
- for a lousy piece of meat!
- It's fine!
1363
01:01:35,734 --> 01:01:37,281
Honestly, I'd rather pay 1,000 bucks
1364
01:01:37,360 --> 01:01:38,407
than watch you vomit
in front of these people!
1365
01:01:38,653 --> 01:01:40,075
Hold on. Hold on. Ride it out.
1366
01:01:40,322 --> 01:01:41,539
All right? I want you to
take a sip of water,
1367
01:01:41,615 --> 01:01:42,616
I want you to think happy thoughts.
1368
01:01:42,699 --> 01:01:43,700
What makes you happy?
1369
01:01:43,992 --> 01:01:45,164
Eating.
1370
01:01:45,660 --> 01:01:47,333
That actually helps a little bit.
1371
01:01:47,579 --> 01:01:49,820
But I don't know what to do now!
I don't know what to do.
1372
01:01:49,831 --> 01:01:52,584
You're going to finish!
Come on, let's go! Finish!
1373
01:01:52,667 --> 01:01:53,793
Finish!
1374
01:01:53,877 --> 01:01:55,595
- Come on!
- Okay.
1375
01:01:55,670 --> 01:01:57,843
- Yes! Steak! Come on!
(CHEERING)
1376
01:01:58,173 --> 01:02:00,392
Okay, everybody, come here!
1377
01:02:00,467 --> 01:02:02,845
I think she's going to do it!
Come on! Let's go!
1378
01:02:03,678 --> 01:02:05,772
And over there. Come on!
1379
01:02:05,889 --> 01:02:07,641
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
1380
01:02:10,352 --> 01:02:12,195
Yes! The steak's gone!
1381
01:02:15,106 --> 01:02:16,949
You gotta shoot it! Shoot it like a shot.
1382
01:02:17,192 --> 01:02:18,660
Shoot it? What's a "shoot it"?
1383
01:02:18,735 --> 01:02:19,736
- Like a shot!
- Like this, you go like...
1384
01:02:19,861 --> 01:02:22,865
Oh, you mean like in the movies!
1385
01:02:24,532 --> 01:02:26,205
Ladies and gentlemen,
1386
01:02:26,868 --> 01:02:29,371
- this is to my son.
CROWD: - Aw!
1387
01:02:29,704 --> 01:02:31,065
And don't forget the free T-shirt.
1388
01:02:31,122 --> 01:02:32,715
- I won't.
- Shoot it!
1389
01:02:35,794 --> 01:02:37,546
(BELL DINGS)
1390
01:02:37,837 --> 01:02:39,714
(WILD CHEERING)
1391
01:02:40,799 --> 01:02:42,392
(WHOOPING)
1392
01:02:42,509 --> 01:02:43,977
(LAUGHS)
1393
01:02:44,302 --> 01:02:45,303
Yeah!
1394
01:02:45,553 --> 01:02:46,645
Thank you, honey.
1395
01:02:48,265 --> 01:02:49,482
Mmm.
1396
01:02:49,891 --> 01:02:51,452
So, you going to do
any more sightseeing
1397
01:02:51,518 --> 01:02:52,895
on the rest of your trip?
1398
01:02:52,978 --> 01:02:54,070
BOTH: Um...
1399
01:02:54,396 --> 01:02:55,488
We wish we could.
1400
01:02:55,563 --> 01:02:57,565
We're actually
on a pretty tight schedule.
1401
01:02:57,816 --> 01:03:00,490
We're going to Santa Fe, Las Vegas,
and then San Francisco.
1402
01:03:00,735 --> 01:03:03,409
Well, I do hope you get to
stop at the Grand Canyon.
1403
01:03:03,738 --> 01:03:05,581
Oh, no, we can't this time
1404
01:03:05,657 --> 01:03:08,080
because we're really
on a very tight schedule.
1405
01:03:08,410 --> 01:03:10,913
- Well, maybe next trip, then.
- Yeah.
1406
01:03:12,247 --> 01:03:14,249
Andrew. It was a pleasure.
1407
01:03:14,499 --> 01:03:16,672
Oh, yeah. You, too. Thank you so much.
1408
01:03:16,918 --> 01:03:18,591
And thank you.
Thank you very, very much.
1409
01:03:18,920 --> 01:03:21,093
Thank you. And could I have
a second with your mom?
1410
01:03:21,589 --> 01:03:24,934
Yeah! For sure. Yeah. Thanks.
1411
01:03:25,260 --> 01:03:27,763
I hope this isn't being too forward,
1412
01:03:28,013 --> 01:03:30,892
but when I see a woman eat like that,
1413
01:03:30,974 --> 01:03:33,054
well, it just makes a man
want to stick his neck out.
1414
01:03:33,351 --> 01:03:34,523
(CHUCKLES)
1415
01:03:34,602 --> 01:03:36,195
I do business in New York.
1416
01:03:36,604 --> 01:03:37,730
I was hoping maybe I could
1417
01:03:37,814 --> 01:03:39,135
take you out to dinner one night.
1418
01:03:40,191 --> 01:03:41,192
Hmm.
1419
01:03:41,276 --> 01:03:42,448
I do know some restaurants
1420
01:03:42,527 --> 01:03:44,120
where you don't have to eat on a stage.
1421
01:03:44,195 --> 01:03:45,492
(LAUGHS)
1422
01:03:46,281 --> 01:03:47,954
That's funny.
1423
01:03:50,118 --> 01:03:53,793
The thing about dating...
It is a date, right?
1424
01:03:54,414 --> 01:03:55,666
(CHUCKLES)
1425
01:03:55,790 --> 01:03:58,964
It's just so uncomfortable,
1426
01:03:59,294 --> 01:04:02,218
talking and eating
with someone you don't know.
1427
01:04:02,464 --> 01:04:04,137
Some would argue that
that's actually how
1428
01:04:04,215 --> 01:04:05,307
you get to know someone.
1429
01:04:06,301 --> 01:04:08,975
Yeah, that's... You could argue that.
1430
01:04:09,596 --> 01:04:10,939
(JOYCE STAMMERS)
1431
01:04:11,139 --> 01:04:13,983
I don't know what to say.
It's just been a long time.
1432
01:04:14,309 --> 01:04:16,482
Well, I tell you what.
1433
01:04:17,479 --> 01:04:18,822
When you're ready,
1434
01:04:19,981 --> 01:04:21,324
give me a call.
1435
01:04:22,484 --> 01:04:24,452
I will think about it, Ben.
1436
01:04:25,653 --> 01:04:26,996
Joyce.
1437
01:04:30,325 --> 01:04:32,999
- Drive carefully!
- I will. You take care now.
1438
01:04:33,328 --> 01:04:34,750
Bye, Mr. Graw! Nice to meet you.
1439
01:04:34,829 --> 01:04:35,830
- It's Ben. Ben.
- See you, Andrew.
1440
01:04:35,914 --> 01:04:37,757
- Bye, Ben!
(ENGINE STARTS)
1441
01:04:37,832 --> 01:04:41,006
- How scandalous! Mother!
- Don't you say...
1442
01:04:41,336 --> 01:04:42,337
What a scandal!
1443
01:04:42,670 --> 01:04:44,513
Stop it. Come on. Don't do that.
1444
01:04:44,839 --> 01:04:46,682
"I'll think about it, Ben."
1445
01:04:46,925 --> 01:04:47,972
- That's exactly...
- That's so...
1446
01:04:48,051 --> 01:04:49,223
You're blushing right now,
you know that?
1447
01:04:49,302 --> 01:04:51,302
- That is so nasty!
- That's exactly what you said.
1448
01:04:51,346 --> 01:04:53,519
You know, he's very nice. God!
1449
01:04:53,848 --> 01:04:57,193
I haven't had that much fun
in such a long time. You know?
1450
01:04:57,519 --> 01:04:58,611
Maybe you're right, Andy.
1451
01:04:58,686 --> 01:05:01,030
Maybe I need a little more
adventure in my life.
1452
01:05:01,356 --> 01:05:03,700
I'm really tired of going to the Gap.
1453
01:05:04,025 --> 01:05:06,244
- Are you actually?
- No. Actually, I'm not.
1454
01:05:06,319 --> 01:05:07,445
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
1455
01:05:07,612 --> 01:05:09,614
It's just that I'm a grown woman
1456
01:05:09,864 --> 01:05:14,210
and the most exciting place
I've ever been is Florida.
1457
01:05:15,370 --> 01:05:18,465
(MIMICKING BEN)
"Well, I happen to know a few places
1458
01:05:18,540 --> 01:05:20,713
you don't have to eat on a stage."
1459
01:05:21,042 --> 01:05:22,339
I'm gonna take this dessert...
1460
01:05:22,419 --> 01:05:23,545
I'm not gonna share it with you now...
1461
01:05:23,628 --> 01:05:25,301
(GRUFFLY) "I'm Ben Graw."
- You're being obnoxious!
1462
01:05:25,547 --> 01:05:27,390
- "My name's Ben Graw."
- Come on. Drive.
1463
01:05:27,632 --> 01:05:31,307
"This here's... Your train's
getting robbed! I'm Ben Graw."
1464
01:05:31,553 --> 01:05:33,476
JOYCE: Did you notice
how handsome he was?
1465
01:05:33,555 --> 01:05:35,307
ANDY: "I'm very handsome.
I'm Ben Graw. "
1466
01:05:35,390 --> 01:05:37,643
- Did you notice his teeth?
- "My teeth are perfect."
1467
01:05:37,725 --> 01:05:39,727
- Stop it!
- "I have a very close shave."
1468
01:05:39,811 --> 01:05:41,654
I am going to kill you.
1469
01:05:41,729 --> 01:05:42,901
ANDY: What?
That's exactly what he was like!
1470
01:05:42,981 --> 01:05:44,983
JOYCE: Stop it! Stop it!
Are you hungry yet?
1471
01:05:45,233 --> 01:05:46,873
ANDY: Am I hungry yet?
Are you kidding me?
1472
01:05:47,068 --> 01:05:48,828
JOYCE: Well, you just had
a little hamburger.
1473
01:05:49,070 --> 01:05:51,414
Oh, wait! Look, look, look!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1474
01:05:51,489 --> 01:05:53,617
- Number 10.
- I know. It's very exciting.
1475
01:05:53,700 --> 01:05:55,077
Cool!
1476
01:05:55,577 --> 01:05:58,251
- Number 10 already!
- Isn't that going to be great?
1477
01:05:58,329 --> 01:05:59,330
Yeah.
1478
01:05:59,831 --> 01:06:01,424
How many more CDs do we have?
1479
01:06:01,749 --> 01:06:02,921
JOYCE: I think 12.
1480
01:06:03,168 --> 01:06:05,262
ANDY: Twelve? We're not even
halfway through?
1481
01:06:05,503 --> 01:06:08,347
These are good.
They don't have too many chemicals.
1482
01:06:08,590 --> 01:06:10,763
What is that? Why do you
want to feed me all the time?
1483
01:06:11,009 --> 01:06:14,183
You know what it is, honey?
Food is love.
1484
01:06:14,429 --> 01:06:17,273
Come on, get in there. That's it.
(LAUGHS)
1485
01:06:17,932 --> 01:06:19,730
Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh!
1486
01:06:26,191 --> 01:06:28,614
- I got us some treats.
- Ma, you're in the wrong car!
1487
01:06:28,860 --> 01:06:30,703
JOYCE: (SCREAMS)
Who are you?
1488
01:06:30,904 --> 01:06:32,247
You're in the... I'm over here!
1489
01:06:32,447 --> 01:06:34,950
Oh, my God! What happened?
1490
01:06:35,033 --> 01:06:36,751
ANDY: - Ha, yeah!
- Oh!
1491
01:06:38,453 --> 01:06:39,875
I got goodies! (LAUGHS)
1492
01:06:42,624 --> 01:06:43,750
(AUDIOBOOK PLAYING)
1493
01:06:49,130 --> 01:06:50,973
What a nice chapter.
1494
01:06:51,299 --> 01:06:52,391
He's a beautiful writer.
1495
01:06:52,550 --> 01:06:53,551
- Whoa!
(JOYCE LAUGHING)
1496
01:06:54,385 --> 01:06:57,730
It's okay, honey.
I picked up a hitchhiker!
1497
01:06:58,640 --> 01:06:59,641
- How you doing?
- Good.
1498
01:06:59,724 --> 01:07:00,896
- Isn't that great?
- Yeah.
1499
01:07:02,519 --> 01:07:04,237
So, explain to me
how a hot flash works.
1500
01:07:04,479 --> 01:07:07,153
It just feels like you're
on fire all of a sudden!
1501
01:07:07,482 --> 01:07:10,326
You just want to dunk into a shower.
1502
01:07:10,568 --> 01:07:13,572
All over the city, they should have,
like, big dunk tanks
1503
01:07:13,821 --> 01:07:16,825
so menopausal women
can just hop in them any time.
1504
01:07:16,908 --> 01:07:18,348
- It's a pretty good idea.
(LAUGHS)
1505
01:07:18,576 --> 01:07:19,748
I like your thinking, honey.
1506
01:07:19,869 --> 01:07:21,337
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1507
01:07:26,334 --> 01:07:27,677
Wow!
1508
01:07:28,336 --> 01:07:30,009
Look at this!
1509
01:07:30,588 --> 01:07:33,091
Oh, honey, thank you!
I can't believe you did this.
1510
01:07:33,174 --> 01:07:34,767
I always wanted to see
the Grand Canyon.
1511
01:07:35,009 --> 01:07:37,353
ANDY: I know. Really spectacular.
1512
01:07:38,179 --> 01:07:40,853
Really beautiful.
1513
01:07:40,932 --> 01:07:42,058
Yeah.
1514
01:07:45,520 --> 01:07:48,694
So, how long
are we supposed to look at it?
1515
01:07:49,857 --> 01:07:51,200
Ten minutes?
1516
01:07:51,859 --> 01:07:53,861
- Ten minutes!
- Yeah. Right?
1517
01:07:54,362 --> 01:07:56,035
Seems disrespectful to look at it
1518
01:07:56,114 --> 01:07:57,787
for any less than 10 minutes, I guess.
1519
01:07:58,032 --> 01:07:59,375
But who'll know?
(LAUGHING)
1520
01:07:59,701 --> 01:08:01,044
That's a good point.
1521
01:08:01,786 --> 01:08:03,288
- You want to go?
- Yeah, let's go.
1522
01:08:03,538 --> 01:08:04,790
Let's go to Vegas.
1523
01:08:04,872 --> 01:08:07,716
We should tell our friends
we looked at it for longer.
1524
01:08:14,841 --> 01:08:17,390
MAN: All right! You show 'em!
JOYCE: Whoo!
1525
01:08:17,468 --> 01:08:19,069
JOYCE: Oh, I wouldn't
have believed this!
1526
01:08:19,137 --> 01:08:20,138
ANDY: It's crazy, Ma.
1527
01:08:21,389 --> 01:08:22,515
Look at all these...
1528
01:08:22,599 --> 01:08:24,279
I can't get over
the amount of light bulbs.
1529
01:08:24,559 --> 01:08:26,732
Can you imagine what it costs
to run this place?
1530
01:08:26,811 --> 01:08:28,529
ANDY: No one flips them off
when they leave the room.
1531
01:08:28,605 --> 01:08:30,323
It must drive you crazy.
1532
01:08:34,569 --> 01:08:37,573
JOYCE: I can't wait to see
the slot machines.
1533
01:08:38,072 --> 01:08:40,166
Look, M&M's! Andy! (LAUGHS)
1534
01:08:40,241 --> 01:08:42,915
There you go! Imagine how loud
you could chew those!
1535
01:08:43,161 --> 01:08:44,879
I just have a good
feeling about tomorrow.
1536
01:08:44,954 --> 01:08:46,581
I think things are gonna go really well.
1537
01:08:46,664 --> 01:08:47,665
Well, it'd better.
1538
01:08:49,417 --> 01:08:51,260
That's our hotel right there.
1539
01:08:51,753 --> 01:08:53,753
- That's where we're going?
- Look at the fountain!
1540
01:08:53,921 --> 01:08:55,264
JOYCE: Very elegant.
1541
01:08:55,506 --> 01:08:58,680
ANDY: I just feel a little weird
valet parking Mr. Bean's car.
1542
01:08:58,760 --> 01:08:59,852
(JOYCE LAUGHS)
1543
01:08:59,927 --> 01:09:01,600
ANDY: - Nice, huh?
JOYCE: - Whoa!
1544
01:09:01,763 --> 01:09:03,185
- Exciting!
- I know! Isn't it?
1545
01:09:03,264 --> 01:09:04,937
- Oh, my God, we're here!
- We're here!
1546
01:09:06,100 --> 01:09:07,602
- Look how beautiful!
ANDY: - Thank you very much.
1547
01:09:07,685 --> 01:09:09,483
Appreciate that. Perfect.
1548
01:09:09,771 --> 01:09:11,273
Oh, my God! Look at their statues!
1549
01:09:11,356 --> 01:09:12,357
Is that the statue of David?
1550
01:09:12,440 --> 01:09:14,408
Yes, that's the actual David.
They flew it here.
1551
01:09:14,609 --> 01:09:15,735
No, they didn't!
1552
01:09:16,569 --> 01:09:18,571
- Hi! I'm Andrew Brewster.
- Hello.
1553
01:09:18,696 --> 01:09:21,040
I'm presenting to
Home Shopping Network tomorrow.
1554
01:09:21,157 --> 01:09:23,455
Oh, great. Welcome, Mr. Brewster.
1555
01:09:23,534 --> 01:09:24,660
I just need your credit carol, please.
1556
01:09:24,744 --> 01:09:26,417
- Right there.
- Thank you.
1557
01:09:28,331 --> 01:09:30,129
I see you're on their corporate rates.
1558
01:09:30,208 --> 01:09:31,209
Oh, great!
1559
01:09:33,002 --> 01:09:34,345
Here is your credit card.
1560
01:09:34,420 --> 01:09:35,421
- Thank you.
- Perfect.
1561
01:09:37,256 --> 01:09:38,929
JOYCE: How are you doing
on this thing?
1562
01:09:39,175 --> 01:09:40,848
Oh, Jesus! Okay. Okay.
1563
01:09:41,094 --> 01:09:43,938
Hey, Ma! I was gonna go take
a shower, then we should eat,
1564
01:09:44,013 --> 01:09:45,265
then I want to go to the Bellagio.
1565
01:09:45,348 --> 01:09:46,725
- We can see the fountain...
- No, honey, look at this.
1566
01:09:46,808 --> 01:09:48,776
Frogs. It has frogs!
1567
01:09:49,352 --> 01:09:51,400
- Great.
- And it's on the aisle.
1568
01:09:51,479 --> 01:09:53,356
They put it in front. You know why?
1569
01:09:53,690 --> 01:09:55,033
Because this is a winner.
1570
01:09:55,274 --> 01:09:56,821
Ma, there's lots of machines
on the aisles.
1571
01:09:56,901 --> 01:09:58,198
Oh, look at this,
I got a seat! The guy left.
1572
01:09:58,277 --> 01:09:59,779
- That's great.
- I'm so excited!
1573
01:10:00,029 --> 01:10:01,372
Ma, come on, let's just go, okay?
1574
01:10:01,614 --> 01:10:04,788
No. No, no, honey.
You go up, drop the bags, shower,
1575
01:10:04,867 --> 01:10:05,914
do whatever you want.
1576
01:10:05,993 --> 01:10:07,620
I'm going to play here, okay?
1577
01:10:07,787 --> 01:10:09,380
Are the drinks free here?
1578
01:10:09,789 --> 01:10:10,829
Yeah, the drinks are free.
1579
01:10:10,873 --> 01:10:11,874
- They're free?
- Yeah.
1580
01:10:11,958 --> 01:10:15,303
So, would you please flag me down
a waitress if you see one?
1581
01:10:15,628 --> 01:10:17,301
- Okay. Yeah, okay.
- Okay. Okay.
1582
01:10:17,505 --> 01:10:18,506
Great.
1583
01:10:19,132 --> 01:10:20,453
What does that mean? Do you know?
1584
01:10:20,466 --> 01:10:21,467
You won about 10 cents.
1585
01:10:21,551 --> 01:10:22,894
Ten cents? That's it?
1586
01:10:23,136 --> 01:10:24,479
I got three navel oranges.
1587
01:10:24,887 --> 01:10:28,061
It's still going up!
Who do I call? Who do I tell?
1588
01:10:28,307 --> 01:10:30,309
Oh, I know. I got
a good feeling about this.
1589
01:10:30,560 --> 01:10:32,233
Where are the drinks?
1590
01:10:32,645 --> 01:10:33,646
Good luck with that.
1591
01:10:33,730 --> 01:10:34,822
- Really?
- Yeah.
1592
01:10:43,156 --> 01:10:44,373
(DOOR LATCHES)
1593
01:10:49,245 --> 01:10:50,417
Ma?
1594
01:10:51,414 --> 01:10:52,757
It's me, honey.
1595
01:10:52,999 --> 01:10:54,592
You're finally back?
1596
01:10:55,418 --> 01:10:57,091
What time is it?
1597
01:10:58,671 --> 01:11:00,344
- Hi, sleepyhead.
- Hi.
1598
01:11:00,548 --> 01:11:02,050
(GROANS)
(CHUCKLES)
1599
01:11:03,259 --> 01:11:04,932
Oh, I'm so excited.
1600
01:11:05,261 --> 01:11:06,513
Are you up? Are you up? Are you up?
1601
01:11:06,596 --> 01:11:08,018
- Yeah.
- Mmm!
1602
01:11:08,431 --> 01:11:09,774
So... (CLEARS THROAT)
1603
01:11:09,932 --> 01:11:11,354
Do you notice anything different?
1604
01:11:11,434 --> 01:11:15,530
Yeah, you gamble all night
and get drunk at 7:00 a.m.
1605
01:11:15,813 --> 01:11:19,534
No! No, I got my ears pierced! Look.
1606
01:11:19,942 --> 01:11:21,615
- Isn't that great?
- Oh, wow.
1607
01:11:21,861 --> 01:11:23,329
- Yeah, look at that!
- All right.
1608
01:11:23,404 --> 01:11:26,704
I was up $60 and I decided
to call it quits.
1609
01:11:26,949 --> 01:11:28,667
And so then I passed a jewelry store
1610
01:11:28,743 --> 01:11:30,620
and I got my ears pierced!
1611
01:11:30,703 --> 01:11:31,704
Okay!
1612
01:11:32,121 --> 01:11:33,873
And it didn't even hurt.
1613
01:11:33,956 --> 01:11:36,880
Well, if you're happy about that,
then good for you.
1614
01:11:36,959 --> 01:11:37,960
I'm happy about that.
1615
01:11:38,127 --> 01:11:40,129
- I am so happy, Andy!
- Good.
1616
01:11:40,505 --> 01:11:43,179
I could just stay here forever.
1617
01:11:44,300 --> 01:11:47,144
Well, eventually you might
run out of things to pierce
1618
01:11:47,220 --> 01:11:49,097
and your frog machine
might short-circuit.
1619
01:11:49,180 --> 01:11:50,700
I don't know what you'd do after that.
1620
01:11:50,973 --> 01:11:52,600
I know. I just got carried away.
1621
01:11:52,683 --> 01:11:53,684
Yeah.
1622
01:11:54,310 --> 01:11:56,984
- So, I was thinking...
- Yeah.
1623
01:11:57,313 --> 01:11:59,657
...that maybe you should go
to San Francisco alone,
1624
01:11:59,982 --> 01:12:02,610
and then I could spend
the rest of the weekend here.
1625
01:12:03,069 --> 01:12:06,824
Uh, I don't think that's the best idea.
1626
01:12:06,906 --> 01:12:07,907
Why not?
1627
01:12:07,990 --> 01:12:09,412
You know, we've been having fun.
1628
01:12:09,492 --> 01:12:10,744
We should keep it going.
1629
01:12:10,827 --> 01:12:12,670
I've only been punched
in one side of my face.
1630
01:12:12,745 --> 01:12:14,543
I'm letting you off the hook, you know.
1631
01:12:14,622 --> 01:12:16,795
You drove all the way to
Las Vegas with your mother.
1632
01:12:17,333 --> 01:12:20,678
I have enough bragging material
to last the rest of my life, honey.
1633
01:12:20,920 --> 01:12:22,092
Ma.
1634
01:12:23,005 --> 01:12:26,009
I don't actually have
a meeting in San Francisco.
1635
01:12:26,843 --> 01:12:29,517
I tracked down Andy.
1636
01:12:30,429 --> 01:12:31,601
Margolis.
1637
01:12:32,849 --> 01:12:35,352
He's the meeting in San Francisco.
1638
01:12:36,352 --> 01:12:39,777
He had the same job.
He works for the same company!
1639
01:12:39,856 --> 01:12:42,029
He got transferred to the West Coast.
1640
01:12:42,358 --> 01:12:44,702
And I got his information.
1641
01:12:44,777 --> 01:12:48,532
I got his number
and his email and his address.
1642
01:12:49,365 --> 01:12:52,209
And he's not married.
1643
01:12:52,326 --> 01:12:55,330
So I figured why not?
1644
01:13:00,376 --> 01:13:01,548
When?
1645
01:13:01,878 --> 01:13:03,221
When what?
1646
01:13:04,463 --> 01:13:06,010
When did you track him down?
1647
01:13:08,092 --> 01:13:09,969
(SPUTTERS) Right after
you told me he existed.
1648
01:13:10,177 --> 01:13:12,396
I tracked him down. It was really easy.
1649
01:13:16,726 --> 01:13:18,569
So that's why you
1650
01:13:19,395 --> 01:13:21,397
wanted me to come with you.
1651
01:13:21,898 --> 01:13:23,992
So I could see Andy Margolis.
1652
01:13:24,066 --> 01:13:25,113
Ma, of course not!
1653
01:13:25,192 --> 01:13:28,241
I think that I wanted
to meet him, too, you know.
1654
01:13:28,738 --> 01:13:30,081
Oh, God.
1655
01:13:30,740 --> 01:13:32,913
I was so stupid!
1656
01:13:33,242 --> 01:13:35,415
Why is that... Why are you stupid?
1657
01:13:35,745 --> 01:13:37,088
Oh, my God.
1658
01:13:39,916 --> 01:13:44,342
I actually thought that you
wanted to spend time with me.
1659
01:13:44,837 --> 01:13:47,056
I do want to spend time with you, Ma.
1660
01:13:47,131 --> 01:13:48,849
That's why I invited you.
1661
01:13:50,927 --> 01:13:52,099
It's okay.
1662
01:13:53,638 --> 01:13:54,810
I'm not mad.
1663
01:13:56,599 --> 01:14:00,274
I mean, most kids
wouldn't even care enough.
1664
01:14:04,941 --> 01:14:06,693
I just, uh...
1665
01:14:08,110 --> 01:14:12,456
I thought it was
something else, that's all.
1666
01:14:13,449 --> 01:14:15,292
Ma, let's just talk about it
for one minute, okay?
1667
01:14:15,368 --> 01:14:16,369
You don't have to go.
1668
01:14:16,452 --> 01:14:18,796
No, no. It's okay.
1669
01:14:19,121 --> 01:14:22,967
You better get ready
for your meeting, honey.
1670
01:14:23,292 --> 01:14:25,966
ANDY: Come on, Ma!
That's not what this is...
1671
01:14:41,894 --> 01:14:45,148
Andrew Brewster for Skyoclan?
1672
01:14:47,149 --> 01:14:48,492
(QUIETLY) Scieoclean.
1673
01:14:52,822 --> 01:14:54,574
Okay, Mr. Brewster,
you get five minutes
1674
01:14:54,657 --> 01:14:56,218
to explain the product and demonstrate.
1675
01:14:56,409 --> 01:14:58,002
Our hostess, Amy, will introduce you
1676
01:14:58,077 --> 01:14:59,750
and you can interact with her
however you want.
1677
01:14:59,829 --> 01:15:00,830
Any questions?
1678
01:15:00,913 --> 01:15:04,258
Yeah, I didn't realize
this was a whole thing.
1679
01:15:04,500 --> 01:15:06,173
I didn't realize it was on camera.
1680
01:15:06,502 --> 01:15:08,675
You're gonna be great. Go for it.
1681
01:15:09,839 --> 01:15:11,182
Hello. Hi.
1682
01:15:11,507 --> 01:15:12,633
- Andrew, hello!
- Hi, yes, I'm Andrew.
1683
01:15:12,717 --> 01:15:13,764
Nice to meet you.
1684
01:15:13,843 --> 01:15:16,562
- I'm Amy. Nice to see you.
- Hi, Amy. Hi. So...
1685
01:15:16,637 --> 01:15:19,766
Oh, gee. No, thank you.
I'm okay. Thank you.
1686
01:15:20,016 --> 01:15:21,393
So we're gonna look
right out to the front here.
1687
01:15:21,475 --> 01:15:22,515
Wow! This is the real set.
1688
01:15:22,768 --> 01:15:24,770
Yes, we're on the set now.
1689
01:15:25,187 --> 01:15:26,359
Roll cameras!
1690
01:15:26,439 --> 01:15:27,440
Ooh! It's hot in here.
1691
01:15:27,523 --> 01:15:29,116
It is warm. It's very bright.
I... (STAMMERING)
1692
01:15:29,191 --> 01:15:32,035
MAN: - Action!
- Welcome back to HSN.
1693
01:15:32,361 --> 01:15:34,534
I'm here with Andrew Brewster,
1694
01:15:34,864 --> 01:15:38,789
creator of an exciting new
organic cleaning supply.
1695
01:15:39,535 --> 01:15:41,537
Tell us a little bit about
Scieoclean, Andrew.
1696
01:15:41,871 --> 01:15:44,044
It's actually Scieo-clean.
1697
01:15:44,290 --> 01:15:45,770
- That's exactly what I said.
- It is.
1698
01:15:46,000 --> 01:15:47,001
Uh...
1699
01:15:47,376 --> 01:15:49,970
Scieoclean, as I call it,
1700
01:15:50,046 --> 01:15:51,719
is an exciting new cleaning product
1701
01:15:51,964 --> 01:15:55,138
that harnesses the natural
foaming and cleaning power
1702
01:15:55,217 --> 01:15:56,969
of three completely
renewable resources.
1703
01:15:57,219 --> 01:15:58,812
- Interesting.
- They are...
1704
01:15:58,888 --> 01:16:02,233
Here they come, out of
your special secret box.
1705
01:16:03,225 --> 01:16:05,398
- ...coconut oil...
- A coconut!
1706
01:16:05,728 --> 01:16:07,730
That's a coconut. Let's see.
1707
01:16:07,813 --> 01:16:09,907
That's hard.
That's a hard nut to crack, isn't it?
1708
01:16:25,748 --> 01:16:29,093
As I previously stated,
a neutral pH reading
1709
01:16:29,168 --> 01:16:30,568
is somewhere between six and eight.
1710
01:16:30,920 --> 01:16:34,595
Now, if you recall,
Scieoclean came in at seven,
1711
01:16:34,673 --> 01:16:35,765
which was perfect.
1712
01:16:36,258 --> 01:16:39,432
Now, my competitor's pH reading
is nine point...
1713
01:16:39,512 --> 01:16:40,604
Can you see it?
1714
01:16:41,097 --> 01:16:45,352
Is it in the... I don't know
if you're zooming in on...
1715
01:16:45,434 --> 01:16:49,189
But it says nine point six, which is high,
1716
01:16:50,439 --> 01:16:51,782
and it, uh...
1717
01:17:00,449 --> 01:17:02,292
I lost you guys. Uh...
1718
01:17:03,619 --> 01:17:04,996
I totally lost you guys.
1719
01:17:05,371 --> 01:17:07,169
That lady's sending an email.
1720
01:17:07,790 --> 01:17:09,167
I've completely lost you,
1721
01:17:09,250 --> 01:17:11,469
and I think I know why I lost you guys.
1722
01:17:11,794 --> 01:17:15,640
It's 'cause this sucks! And it's boring.
1723
01:17:15,965 --> 01:17:19,640
And it's full of a bunch of science-y stuff
that no one really cares about.
1724
01:17:19,844 --> 01:17:22,688
So, why don't I try this?
1725
01:17:23,055 --> 01:17:25,274
Just tell me about yourself, Amy.
1726
01:17:25,349 --> 01:17:27,630
Do you have kids? You have any
pets or anything like that?
1727
01:17:27,726 --> 01:17:30,730
Yes, I do. I have a dog and a little girl.
1728
01:17:30,980 --> 01:17:32,061
Okay. What are their names?
1729
01:17:32,231 --> 01:17:34,404
Mr. Pickles and Gabriella.
1730
01:17:34,650 --> 01:17:38,371
Oh, that's funny. If I have a daughter,
I'm gonna name her Mr. Pickles as well.
1731
01:17:38,445 --> 01:17:39,992
(LAUGHING)
1732
01:17:41,240 --> 01:17:42,241
AMY: Sorry.
1733
01:17:42,324 --> 01:17:43,917
So let me ask you,
1734
01:17:43,993 --> 01:17:45,393
you probably go through great pains
1735
01:17:45,452 --> 01:17:47,375
to prevent Mr. Pickles
and Gabriella from dying,
1736
01:17:47,454 --> 01:17:49,331
- if I'm not mistaken.
- Well, yes, I would.
1737
01:17:49,415 --> 01:17:51,383
Is this what you normally
clean your house with?
1738
01:17:51,458 --> 01:17:53,538
It's whatever's on sale.
It's usually blue or yellow.
1739
01:17:53,669 --> 01:17:54,761
That would be correct, yes.
1740
01:17:55,004 --> 01:17:56,472
Well, here's the problem with that.
1741
01:17:56,547 --> 01:17:58,675
It's extremely poisonous.
1742
01:17:58,883 --> 01:18:01,807
And it's really dangerous.
I can show you statistics
1743
01:18:01,927 --> 01:18:04,021
and experiments
that prove that my product
1744
01:18:04,096 --> 01:18:06,440
doesn't only clean better
than those, but it's safer.
1745
01:18:07,099 --> 01:18:09,943
But if I've shown you one thing,
it's that that is really boring.
1746
01:18:10,019 --> 01:18:12,192
So instead, I'll just do this.
1747
01:18:14,356 --> 01:18:16,700
I'll step back for the experiment.
1748
01:18:20,696 --> 01:18:22,039
Oh, my God.
1749
01:18:24,533 --> 01:18:27,207
Wow. I'm impressed.
1750
01:18:27,536 --> 01:18:28,537
I am.
1751
01:18:30,456 --> 01:18:34,211
Scieoclean is the best cleaning product
that's ever been invented.
1752
01:18:34,460 --> 01:18:36,508
It's completely natural,
it's completely safe,
1753
01:18:36,587 --> 01:18:38,885
and it cleans better than
any product on the market.
1754
01:18:38,964 --> 01:18:41,808
If any of my competitors
are making the same claim,
1755
01:18:41,884 --> 01:18:43,136
all I say is, come on TV
1756
01:18:43,219 --> 01:18:46,063
and drink your product.
But I don't think you will
1757
01:18:46,305 --> 01:18:48,899
because no one wants to
shit blood on TV.
1758
01:18:51,060 --> 01:18:52,312
That's it. That's all I got.
1759
01:18:52,603 --> 01:18:53,900
(CHUCKLING)
1760
01:18:54,897 --> 01:18:57,400
Scieoclean. It's safe, it's non-toxic,
1761
01:18:57,733 --> 01:19:00,031
- and you can drink it.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1762
01:19:00,653 --> 01:19:01,950
And cut!
1763
01:19:02,196 --> 01:19:03,869
Uh, Mr. Brewster?
1764
01:19:04,073 --> 01:19:05,074
Yeah.
1765
01:19:05,157 --> 01:19:06,500
Well, we are intrigued!
1766
01:19:07,576 --> 01:19:08,828
You're...
1767
01:19:09,536 --> 01:19:11,288
- You're intrigued?
- Absolutely!
1768
01:19:11,372 --> 01:19:12,794
That presentation was wonderful.
1769
01:19:12,873 --> 01:19:13,874
You actually drank that stuff?
1770
01:19:13,999 --> 01:19:15,751
I did drink it! Yeah!
It's made out of food.
1771
01:19:15,834 --> 01:19:16,835
It was a great pitch.
1772
01:19:17,127 --> 01:19:19,346
Thank you so much!
If you want to hear more...
1773
01:19:19,421 --> 01:19:20,638
I said it was boring, but the stuff about
1774
01:19:20,714 --> 01:19:22,011
the micro-emulsion
is actually pretty amazing.
1775
01:19:22,216 --> 01:19:24,514
- Does it actually clean?
- Yes, it cleans great.
1776
01:19:24,593 --> 01:19:25,936
Okay, we're gonna wanna
see that at some point.
1777
01:19:26,011 --> 01:19:28,013
Oh, yeah, anytime. I can
demonstrate that anytime.
1778
01:19:28,555 --> 01:19:30,307
- And it has full FDA approval?
- I have full FDA...
1779
01:19:30,391 --> 01:19:31,984
How many units
do you have ready for market?
1780
01:19:32,059 --> 01:19:35,313
Thousands of units. I have way
more than I should, probably.
1781
01:19:35,396 --> 01:19:37,398
Well, we're gonna have to run
it up the ladder, obviously,
1782
01:19:37,481 --> 01:19:39,654
but I have a really good
feeling about this.
1783
01:19:40,401 --> 01:19:41,573
Thank you so much.
1784
01:19:42,069 --> 01:19:44,663
Oh, thank you! Thanks. Wow.
1785
01:19:44,738 --> 01:19:46,160
Great presentation.
1786
01:19:46,240 --> 01:19:48,041
Well, I'm glad you think so.
You have my info.
1787
01:19:48,075 --> 01:19:50,578
Absolutely. We'll be in touch. Great job.
1788
01:19:50,828 --> 01:19:52,501
Thanks for sticking with me.
1789
01:19:53,580 --> 01:19:55,060
(WHISPERING) Just don't say anything.
1790
01:19:55,082 --> 01:19:56,254
Just turn around. Just keep walking.
1791
01:19:56,333 --> 01:19:58,134
- I'm not saying anything.
- Just turn around.
1792
01:19:58,168 --> 01:20:01,263
- People love a performance.
- Stay calm. I know, I know.
1793
01:20:01,505 --> 01:20:03,132
This was better than Man of La Mancha!
1794
01:20:03,215 --> 01:20:05,138
- So how bad did it taste?
- It was horrible!
1795
01:20:05,592 --> 01:20:06,764
It was so gross!
1796
01:20:07,011 --> 01:20:08,433
- Well, you acted great.
- Oh, thank you.
1797
01:20:08,512 --> 01:20:09,855
- It needed the mint.
- It does.
1798
01:20:10,097 --> 01:20:11,644
What about the guy?
What did he say to you?
1799
01:20:11,724 --> 01:20:13,943
He said it was a great pitch.
1800
01:20:14,018 --> 01:20:15,861
He said he's going to
move it up the ladder.
1801
01:20:15,936 --> 01:20:17,609
- No!
- Yes!
1802
01:20:17,688 --> 01:20:19,849
- He used the ladder word?
- He used the word "ladder"!
1803
01:20:19,857 --> 01:20:21,029
- I know!
- You're going to be famous!
1804
01:20:21,108 --> 01:20:23,702
I might be, I don't know!
(LAUGHING)
1805
01:20:23,777 --> 01:20:25,575
Do you still want to go
to San Francisco?
1806
01:20:26,905 --> 01:20:27,906
Seriously?
1807
01:20:28,699 --> 01:20:29,871
Yeah.
1808
01:20:30,784 --> 01:20:32,832
We're practically there.
1809
01:20:32,911 --> 01:20:35,915
You're curious, I'm curious, so,
what the hell?
1810
01:20:37,291 --> 01:20:40,465
Yeah, if... Are you...
Are you sure you want to?
1811
01:20:41,628 --> 01:20:42,800
Yeah.
1812
01:20:43,088 --> 01:20:44,965
Okay. (CHUCKLES) Great.
1813
01:20:45,049 --> 01:20:46,050
- Okay.
- Okay.
1814
01:20:46,383 --> 01:20:48,886
JOYCE: So, honey, what if you
take an eye dropper
1815
01:20:48,969 --> 01:20:50,221
and you drop it in your eyes?
1816
01:20:50,471 --> 01:20:52,348
ANDY: Oh, you're right! You know what?
1817
01:20:52,431 --> 01:20:54,191
It's actually not a bad idea.
I should do it.
1818
01:20:54,224 --> 01:20:55,271
JOYCE: You could also
put it in your nose.
1819
01:20:55,351 --> 01:20:56,352
ANDY: Right.
1820
01:21:00,898 --> 01:21:02,571
JOYCE: So what was your plan?
1821
01:21:02,816 --> 01:21:05,114
ANDY: Um, well, I thought you'd call him
1822
01:21:05,402 --> 01:21:07,075
and you'd say, "Hey, remember me?"
1823
01:21:07,321 --> 01:21:10,666
And then you guys would
go have some tea,
1824
01:21:10,991 --> 01:21:13,494
- and then you would marry each other.
(CHUCKLES)
1825
01:21:14,828 --> 01:21:17,672
Well, then you don't have
to pay for my old age home.
1826
01:21:17,748 --> 01:21:19,170
Exactly. That's the real plan.
1827
01:21:19,249 --> 01:21:20,296
Very, very good thinking.
1828
01:21:20,376 --> 01:21:21,673
Here. Here. His number's on top there.
1829
01:21:21,752 --> 01:21:22,753
- What?
- Call him.
1830
01:21:22,836 --> 01:21:24,383
Put it on speakerphone.
Put it on speakerphone.
1831
01:21:24,463 --> 01:21:25,931
- Oh, no, honey...
- I want to hear. Yeah.
1832
01:21:26,006 --> 01:21:29,351
Okay. This is the moment of truth. Okay.
1833
01:21:30,344 --> 01:21:32,563
I hope he's home. I hope he's not home.
1834
01:21:32,638 --> 01:21:33,639
I hope he's home.
1835
01:21:34,348 --> 01:21:36,396
(CHUCKLES)
- This is very tense for me.
1836
01:21:36,517 --> 01:21:37,860
How'd you get this number?
1837
01:21:38,018 --> 01:21:39,440
Well, there's this Internet now.
1838
01:21:39,520 --> 01:21:41,693
- Oh! Oh, right.
- It has tons of information.
1839
01:21:42,022 --> 01:21:43,865
- Okay, I'm going to press...
(DIALING)
1840
01:21:44,358 --> 01:21:45,405
"Call." Just hit "call."
1841
01:21:45,484 --> 01:21:46,485
You sure that this is his number?
1842
01:21:46,568 --> 01:21:48,008
- That is the number.
(LINE RINGING)
1843
01:21:48,028 --> 01:21:49,871
I can't take the pressure.
1844
01:21:51,407 --> 01:21:53,000
MARGOLIS: Hello?
1845
01:21:53,534 --> 01:21:54,706
(SOFTLY) This is it.
1846
01:21:55,202 --> 01:21:56,374
(QUIETLY) Talk.
1847
01:21:57,913 --> 01:21:59,130
Hello?
1848
01:21:59,206 --> 01:22:01,550
- Andy?
- Speaking.
1849
01:22:04,628 --> 01:22:05,595
- Hello?
- Keep talking.
1850
01:22:05,671 --> 01:22:06,718
(DISCONNECTS)
1851
01:22:06,797 --> 01:22:07,837
- I can't.
- What was that?
1852
01:22:07,881 --> 01:22:09,724
- I can't! It was him!
- I know! I heard!
1853
01:22:09,800 --> 01:22:11,143
- It was him, Andy!
- Why did you do that?
1854
01:22:11,218 --> 01:22:13,971
- I got scared!
- Ma, you gotta call him back!
1855
01:22:14,054 --> 01:22:15,175
- Come on!
- I couldn't talk.
1856
01:22:15,180 --> 01:22:16,306
Don't wimp out like that.
1857
01:22:16,390 --> 01:22:17,790
- This is his address, right?
- Yes!
1858
01:22:17,808 --> 01:22:19,560
Okay, so what I think we should do,
1859
01:22:19,643 --> 01:22:20,815
since we're gonna do this,
1860
01:22:20,894 --> 01:22:22,567
we should just surprise him.
1861
01:22:22,646 --> 01:22:23,989
That's what I think we should do.
1862
01:22:24,064 --> 01:22:25,236
Okay. Fine.
1863
01:22:25,315 --> 01:22:26,567
- Okay?
- Yeah. No, that's a good idea.
1864
01:22:26,650 --> 01:22:28,152
You know I have to stop
and change, right?
1865
01:22:28,235 --> 01:22:30,158
I do. I know that, yes. You told me.
1866
01:22:30,237 --> 01:22:31,238
I have to... Yeah.
1867
01:22:31,321 --> 01:22:33,323
You are really getting
dolled up over there, Ma.
1868
01:22:33,407 --> 01:22:35,785
Honey, the man hasn't seen me
since I was 21.
1869
01:22:35,868 --> 01:22:37,415
I don't want to scare him.
1870
01:22:39,580 --> 01:22:40,877
Well, then don't do that.
1871
01:22:41,957 --> 01:22:44,836
JOYCE: (RAZZES)
I'm not going to do that in front of him.
1872
01:22:44,918 --> 01:22:46,044
(JOYCE LAUGHING)
1873
01:22:55,262 --> 01:22:56,354
JOYCE: Nice neighborhood.
1874
01:22:56,430 --> 01:22:57,431
ANDY: Very nice.
1875
01:22:57,764 --> 01:22:59,562
JOYCE: Oh, my God. Mmm!
1876
01:23:03,437 --> 01:23:04,939
This is it, Ma. This is the house.
1877
01:23:05,022 --> 01:23:06,865
- Really? You sure?
- Yeah, sure. Positive, yeah.
1878
01:23:06,940 --> 01:23:08,988
How do I look? Do I look okay?
1879
01:23:09,443 --> 01:23:10,786
You look very nice, actually.
1880
01:23:10,903 --> 01:23:12,655
- Really?
- Yeah. You do. You look good.
1881
01:23:12,946 --> 01:23:14,072
Good. So I don't have to
1882
01:23:14,156 --> 01:23:15,783
- worry about that.
- No, you did it.
1883
01:23:16,033 --> 01:23:18,877
Okay. I just hope
we have the right address.
1884
01:23:19,119 --> 01:23:20,879
I, uh... I'm positive we do. I looked it up.
1885
01:23:20,954 --> 01:23:22,706
I don't know. You can't trust
those GPS things.
1886
01:23:22,789 --> 01:23:24,110
- No, I looked it up.
- All right.
1887
01:23:25,250 --> 01:23:26,627
JOYCE: Okay.
1888
01:23:27,419 --> 01:23:30,093
- I can't!
- Just do it. Come on.
1889
01:23:31,089 --> 01:23:34,434
Okay. Okay, I'm going
to do it. Ready, set, go.
1890
01:23:34,551 --> 01:23:35,803
(RINGS DOORBELL)
1891
01:23:36,970 --> 01:23:40,440
It's old-timey. I like that. That was good.
1892
01:23:41,475 --> 01:23:44,149
- Maybe he's not home.
- Just push it again.
1893
01:23:44,436 --> 01:23:46,109
Come on.
1894
01:23:46,271 --> 01:23:47,272
(RINGS)
1895
01:23:47,940 --> 01:23:48,941
MARGOLIS: Coming!
1896
01:23:49,149 --> 01:23:50,992
- He's home!
- He's coming.
1897
01:23:51,109 --> 01:23:53,783
- He sounded very masculine.
- Oh, my God.
1898
01:23:55,614 --> 01:23:56,615
Hello.
1899
01:23:56,740 --> 01:23:59,163
Hello. We're looking
for Andrew Margolis.
1900
01:23:59,284 --> 01:24:01,707
Oh, not interested. Thank you.
1901
01:24:01,787 --> 01:24:04,165
No, we're not selling anything.
1902
01:24:04,248 --> 01:24:06,091
We're just trying to find
Andrew Margolis.
1903
01:24:06,166 --> 01:24:07,292
This is his house, right?
1904
01:24:08,293 --> 01:24:10,796
This is his house. I'm him.
1905
01:24:11,004 --> 01:24:12,677
- What can I do for you?
- You're...
1906
01:24:14,466 --> 01:24:17,310
You're Andrew Margolis
from J&R Advertising?
1907
01:24:17,511 --> 01:24:19,934
Yes, I am Andrew Margolis
from J&R Advertising
1908
01:24:20,013 --> 01:24:24,644
and this is getting weird.
What is this about?
1909
01:24:25,978 --> 01:24:28,481
You're his son. Right?
1910
01:24:31,358 --> 01:24:32,405
(CHUCKLES)
1911
01:24:32,484 --> 01:24:34,111
Your father's name is also Andrew?
1912
01:24:34,194 --> 01:24:35,195
Yes.
1913
01:24:35,320 --> 01:24:37,118
And he also works at J&R?
1914
01:24:37,447 --> 01:24:40,200
Well, he owned it.
I'm sorry, I'm confused.
1915
01:24:40,325 --> 01:24:43,670
No, no, I'm sorry.
It's 'cause this is confusing.
1916
01:24:43,996 --> 01:24:45,373
My mother's an old friend
of your father's.
1917
01:24:45,497 --> 01:24:47,465
I thought you...
it doesn't make a difference.
1918
01:24:47,541 --> 01:24:50,590
Could you just help us get
in touch with your father please?
1919
01:24:50,669 --> 01:24:53,343
Well, I'm sorry.
My dad died five years ago.
1920
01:24:59,511 --> 01:25:00,558
Oh.
1921
01:25:05,684 --> 01:25:06,685
Mmm!
1922
01:25:06,768 --> 01:25:08,361
Yeah.
1923
01:25:09,521 --> 01:25:11,865
Look, would... Do you want to come in?
1924
01:25:11,982 --> 01:25:13,484
- Or something?
- Do you want to...
1925
01:25:13,567 --> 01:25:15,607
- I would like to sit down.
- Yeah, please, come in.
1926
01:25:15,694 --> 01:25:17,367
- Thank you.
- Absolutely. Please.
1927
01:25:17,696 --> 01:25:19,369
Thank you.
1928
01:25:20,699 --> 01:25:22,246
MARGOLIS: You're driving
to job interviews?
1929
01:25:22,367 --> 01:25:23,334
ANDY: Pitching the product.
1930
01:25:23,410 --> 01:25:25,490
MARGOLIS: All over the country.
ANDY: All over, yeah.
1931
01:25:25,704 --> 01:25:28,207
Your father was very important
to my mother.
1932
01:25:28,540 --> 01:25:30,042
MARGOLIS: He was a good man.
1933
01:25:31,376 --> 01:25:33,595
Um... How long
were your parents married?
1934
01:25:33,712 --> 01:25:34,884
- Twenty-six years.
- Wow.
1935
01:25:35,088 --> 01:25:37,762
Yeah. My mom's in Florida now.
1936
01:25:38,216 --> 01:25:39,513
ANDY: We should probably get going.
1937
01:25:39,593 --> 01:25:40,845
You just got back from a trip, so...
1938
01:25:40,927 --> 01:25:42,179
- Nice to meet you.
- You, too.
1939
01:25:42,262 --> 01:25:46,267
I don't know if my son mentioned this,
1940
01:25:47,601 --> 01:25:49,774
but I dated your father for a while.
1941
01:25:49,895 --> 01:25:51,067
Before he met your mother.
1942
01:25:51,396 --> 01:25:52,443
- Really?
- Yeah.
1943
01:25:53,398 --> 01:25:54,741
And, um.
1944
01:25:55,400 --> 01:25:57,368
I just wondered, did he ever talk about
1945
01:25:57,444 --> 01:25:59,071
- that part of his life?
ANDY: - Ma...
1946
01:25:59,404 --> 01:26:01,406
No, no, no, it's okay. Um...
1947
01:26:02,240 --> 01:26:03,958
No, I'm sorry, I didn't know.
1948
01:26:04,076 --> 01:26:06,044
My dad never talked about
anybody but my mom,
1949
01:26:06,119 --> 01:26:07,245
at least not to us.
1950
01:26:08,080 --> 01:26:09,753
Right. Of course not.
1951
01:26:12,584 --> 01:26:14,632
He was a very, very nice man.
1952
01:26:15,420 --> 01:26:17,593
Very, very nice to me.
1953
01:26:17,923 --> 01:26:20,597
And I'm really sorry for your loss.
1954
01:26:20,801 --> 01:26:23,145
- Thank you.
WOMAN: - Hi, I'm here!
1955
01:26:23,428 --> 01:26:27,433
You have enough mail here
to choke a horse!
1956
01:26:27,766 --> 01:26:31,441
Hi. Oh, sorry. I didn't
realize you had company.
1957
01:26:31,770 --> 01:26:33,317
No, no, that's okay.
These are old friends of Dad's.
1958
01:26:33,438 --> 01:26:34,564
This is my sister.
1959
01:26:34,648 --> 01:26:35,991
Hi. I'm Andy.
1960
01:26:36,316 --> 01:26:39,445
Hi. Joyce. Nice to meet you.
1961
01:26:40,112 --> 01:26:42,240
Yes. Hi.
1962
01:26:42,322 --> 01:26:43,665
- Welcome back.
MARGOLIS: - Thank you.
1963
01:26:43,782 --> 01:26:45,343
JOYCE: Do you still want to get dinner?
1964
01:26:45,617 --> 01:26:46,914
MARGOLIS: I do.
It might be a few minutes.
1965
01:26:46,993 --> 01:26:48,314
Okay. I didn't mean to interrupt.
1966
01:26:48,620 --> 01:26:50,463
MARGOLIS: No, no, no. Not at all.
1967
01:26:50,789 --> 01:26:53,133
They're on a road trip.
1968
01:26:54,793 --> 01:26:55,965
(QUIETLY) Honey.
1969
01:27:14,104 --> 01:27:15,481
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
1970
01:27:25,699 --> 01:27:27,372
(BOTH CHUCKLING SOFTLY)
1971
01:27:36,668 --> 01:27:39,171
(AUDIOBOOK PLAYING)
1972
01:27:55,353 --> 01:27:57,026
Just one second, okay?
1973
01:28:16,541 --> 01:28:19,044
(AUDIOBOOK STOPS PLAYING)
1974
01:28:23,381 --> 01:28:24,382
JOYCE: Remember to drink your water.
1975
01:28:24,466 --> 01:28:25,467
ANDY: Okay. I will.
1976
01:28:25,550 --> 01:28:26,550
JOYCE: Six bottles a day.
1977
01:28:26,593 --> 01:28:28,015
ANDY: Because it's good
for my skin and my kidneys?
1978
01:28:28,094 --> 01:28:29,294
JOYCE: - That's right!
- Okay.
1979
01:28:29,387 --> 01:28:30,787
So, you checked the car thoroughly?
1980
01:28:30,889 --> 01:28:32,357
I checked the car. I checked
every inch of the car.
1981
01:28:32,432 --> 01:28:34,434
And the front and the back?
1982
01:28:34,559 --> 01:28:36,903
There is no way we left
anything in the car, okay?
1983
01:28:37,020 --> 01:28:39,114
- Yeah.
- Yeah. I think, uh...
1984
01:28:40,065 --> 01:28:43,239
I think I'm... Yeah, I'm that way.
1985
01:28:44,569 --> 01:28:47,072
And I'm this way. Right?
1986
01:28:47,405 --> 01:28:49,749
Okay. Well, you sure you can
find the gate on your own?
1987
01:28:50,617 --> 01:28:52,164
Can I find the gate on my own?
1988
01:28:52,244 --> 01:28:54,212
Honey, I pierced my ears
and ate half a cow.
1989
01:28:54,287 --> 01:28:56,585
- I think I can find the gate on my own.
(LAUGHS)
1990
01:28:57,582 --> 01:28:59,209
- Yeah.
(CHUCKLES)
1991
01:28:59,584 --> 01:29:01,257
You know, this, uh...
1992
01:29:02,087 --> 01:29:04,761
This week really didn't go
how I planned.
1993
01:29:04,965 --> 01:29:06,933
Oh, sweetheart, it went better.
1994
01:29:07,259 --> 01:29:11,264
It went... You know, I spent
almost 30 years of my life
1995
01:29:11,930 --> 01:29:16,106
thinking I didn't matter to someone
who mattered a great deal to me.
1996
01:29:16,434 --> 01:29:19,779
I got the answer I needed. I did.
1997
01:29:20,605 --> 01:29:23,108
- It's like Anita always says.
- Oh, God.
1998
01:29:23,942 --> 01:29:25,990
When it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
1999
01:29:28,488 --> 01:29:29,609
That's actually good advice.
2000
01:29:29,781 --> 01:29:31,261
I think I should give you her number.
2001
01:29:31,491 --> 01:29:33,789
- Okay.
- The point is that
2002
01:29:34,286 --> 01:29:37,130
I wasn't meant to be with Andy Margolis.
2003
01:29:37,622 --> 01:29:40,466
You see? I was meant to meet him,
2004
01:29:41,167 --> 01:29:43,511
but I was meant to marry your father.
2005
01:29:44,296 --> 01:29:46,469
Because if I hadn't,
2006
01:29:46,965 --> 01:29:48,638
I wouldn't have had you.
2007
01:29:49,467 --> 01:29:51,140
Don't you see, Andy?
2008
01:29:52,137 --> 01:29:53,980
It was always you.
2009
01:29:54,306 --> 01:29:56,308
You're the love of my life, baby.
2010
01:29:57,183 --> 01:29:59,185
It will always be you.
2011
01:30:00,979 --> 01:30:02,196
(SIGHS)
2012
01:30:03,481 --> 01:30:05,984
I got to go before I start crying.
2013
01:30:07,485 --> 01:30:09,032
Just remember one thing.
2014
01:30:09,696 --> 01:30:12,540
If all the boys in the world were lined up
2015
01:30:12,657 --> 01:30:13,783
and I could only pick one...
2016
01:30:13,867 --> 01:30:16,541
I wouldn't have let you
pick anyone else, Ma.
2017
01:30:16,828 --> 01:30:18,250
Yeah, you would have.
2018
01:30:18,330 --> 01:30:20,298
You would have
let Mrs. Shapiro pick you.
2019
01:30:20,373 --> 01:30:21,716
- No, I would not.
- You loved her cookies.
2020
01:30:22,000 --> 01:30:24,002
They were really good cookies.
(LAUGHS)
2021
01:30:34,054 --> 01:30:35,727
I miss you already.
2022
01:30:48,193 --> 01:30:50,867
You know, this was
the best week of my life.
2023
01:30:51,696 --> 01:30:53,198
I love you, Mom.
2024
01:30:57,369 --> 01:30:58,871
Okay. Bye.
2025
01:31:12,342 --> 01:31:13,434
Okay.
2026
01:31:14,052 --> 01:31:17,226
You've got to be kidding me.
This is a new record.
2027
01:31:20,725 --> 01:31:22,727
Hi. Ben?
2028
01:31:23,061 --> 01:31:26,065
It's Joyce. Yeah, the big eater.
2029
01:31:27,774 --> 01:31:29,026
(CHUCKLES)
2030
01:31:30,568 --> 01:31:31,911
Okay.
2031
01:31:34,531 --> 01:31:36,283
(CHATTING INDISTINCTLY)
2032
01:31:39,244 --> 01:31:40,917
- Mom, you want to try some?
- Sure.
2033
01:31:41,246 --> 01:31:42,919
You see, Mom?
2034
01:31:43,415 --> 01:31:45,088
It's right over there.
2035
01:31:45,417 --> 01:31:46,760
Hello, Mom.
2036
01:32:24,789 --> 01:32:28,134
I think we should think about
taking another trip,
2037
01:32:28,251 --> 01:32:29,798
in Europe. How about that?
2038
01:32:30,336 --> 01:32:32,338
- You want to go to Europe?
- What do you think about that?
2039
01:32:32,630 --> 01:32:34,303
I don't think that's a very good idea.
2040
01:32:34,507 --> 01:32:36,509
I am so fascinated
with the Book on Tape,
2041
01:32:36,634 --> 01:32:38,274
I want to finish it, I sit in the garage.
2042
01:32:38,344 --> 01:32:39,436
Well, I hope you turn the car off,
2043
01:32:39,512 --> 01:32:40,684
'cause you're gonna die if you don't.
2044
01:32:40,972 --> 01:32:41,939
I know. I know.
2045
01:32:42,015 --> 01:32:43,312
- I gotta remember that.
- That would be good.
2046
01:32:43,475 --> 01:32:45,193
Since I was your mother and your father,
2047
01:32:45,310 --> 01:32:46,482
and I had to tell you about sex.
2048
01:32:46,561 --> 01:32:47,562
Yes.
2049
01:32:47,645 --> 01:32:48,737
Did that help you in your life?
2050
01:32:48,813 --> 01:32:50,736
Well, you can't undo
the fact that you told me
2051
01:32:50,815 --> 01:32:53,034
about penetrative sex at a young age.
2052
01:32:53,151 --> 01:32:55,370
But I guess... I don't know.
2053
01:32:55,487 --> 01:32:56,830
Just don't do that in the future.
2054
01:32:57,030 --> 01:32:58,230
Well, I'll give you my number.
2055
01:32:58,281 --> 01:32:59,248
Okay.
2056
01:32:59,324 --> 01:33:00,621
And you give us a call
when you're in town.
2057
01:33:00,700 --> 01:33:02,247
Yeah, you guys should
probably keep in touch.
2058
01:33:02,327 --> 01:33:03,328
All right.
2059
01:33:04,829 --> 01:33:07,298
Like, as a rule?
They just rape all the time?
2060
01:33:07,373 --> 01:33:10,718
No, not all the time.
Sometimes. But you never know.
2061
01:33:10,835 --> 01:33:12,837
They may not rape you, but...
2062
01:33:13,171 --> 01:33:16,015
- They'll rape someone.
- They're gonna rape someone.
2063
01:33:19,010 --> 01:33:21,138
- They might rape both of us.
- Oh, no!
2064
01:33:21,221 --> 01:33:23,565
I carry the Books on Tape
in a Walkman.
2065
01:33:23,848 --> 01:33:25,816
- In a what?
- A Walkman.
2066
01:33:25,892 --> 01:33:27,610
In a Walkman?
2067
01:33:27,685 --> 01:33:29,926
Do you have to get in
a time machine before you use that?
2068
01:33:30,188 --> 01:33:31,940
You should call Cousin Lowell.
2069
01:33:32,023 --> 01:33:33,525
I should call Cousin Lowell?
2070
01:33:33,858 --> 01:33:35,326
Have I ever met Cousin Lowell?
2071
01:33:35,401 --> 01:33:37,119
It doesn't matter. He has T.B.
2072
01:33:37,195 --> 01:33:38,242
it would be very nice to hear from you.
2073
01:33:38,363 --> 01:33:41,082
- He has tuberculosis?
- It's around now.
2074
01:33:41,199 --> 01:33:43,159
- Do people still get that?
- Oh, yes. Absolutely.
2075
01:33:43,201 --> 01:33:44,953
I thought they stopped getting that,
like, in cowboy times?
2076
01:33:45,036 --> 01:33:46,357
Didn't you hear that story... No.
2077
01:33:46,371 --> 01:33:48,749
Didn't you hear that story
about the guy on the plane?
2078
01:33:48,873 --> 01:33:51,547
- He had tuberculosis?
- And he infected the people.
2079
01:33:51,876 --> 01:33:53,549
Was Lowell on that plane?
2080
01:33:53,711 --> 01:33:54,712
I think so.
2081
01:33:54,879 --> 01:33:56,319
AUTOMATED VOICE: Exit in 1,000 feet.
2082
01:33:56,381 --> 01:33:57,473
Come on! Exit!
A thousand feet! Just exit!
2083
01:33:57,549 --> 01:33:58,675
How far is 1,000 feet?
2084
01:33:58,758 --> 01:33:59,850
You got to merge, Ma! That way!
2085
01:33:59,926 --> 01:34:01,269
Into what, honey? Into what?
2086
01:34:01,386 --> 01:34:02,558
Into the exit!
2087
01:34:02,762 --> 01:34:06,016
I'm driving 65 miles an hour
and she's talking in feet.
2088
01:34:06,099 --> 01:34:08,227
- Who the hell is that?
- Holy shit, there's a woman!