1 00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:32,882 People always talk about fate. Destiny. 2 00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:37,717 I never used to believe in that. Some things are just out of your control. 3 00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:41,258 Like my parents. They died when I was 1 8. 4 00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:44,329 There was nothing I could do about that. 5 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,690 But was that fate? 6 00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:52,463 Then you would have to say everything was fate. 7 00:02:53,107 --> 00:02:55,541 Who you spend your life with. 8 00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:58,244 What you end up doing for a living. 9 00:02:58,412 --> 00:03:03,145 Is what happens prepackaged and served to me by a higher power? 10 00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:06,878 I didn't think so, but there has to be some explanation. 11 00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:10,683 Because my life was totally different a couple weeks ago. 12 00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:15,452 - I went to the bank today. - Yeah? 13 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:18,860 - Have you checked our balance lately? - No. 14 00:03:21,268 --> 00:03:26,103 - Wait. Did we? Did we do it? - We did it! 15 00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:29,902 We have exactly $30,006. 16 00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:32,368 We can get married! 17 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:33,908 Yes. 18 00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:43,083 I know you thought it was silly to wait until we had this money... 19 00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:47,159 ...before we got married, but now we can put a payment on a house... 20 00:03:47,328 --> 00:03:50,627 ...we can plan a family... - Elaine was incredible. 21 00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:52,197 I'm so happy. 22 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,757 Not here. 23 00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:59,897 - You can kiss me at home. - Although she did have one odd habit. 24 00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:02,534 She cried when we made love. 25 00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:06,737 Very loud crying, which made it kind of tough to concentrate. 26 00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,040 Are you okay? 27 00:04:09,216 --> 00:04:11,013 - Bye, sweetie. - Bye. 28 00:04:11,185 --> 00:04:15,383 She ran a gift-basket business. It was about to turn the corner. 29 00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:18,988 And I was the assistant manager at Homespital... 30 00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:22,788 ...a store that sold medical supplies for the home. 31 00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:30,069 I know it's a lot of money, sir, but it's a lot of chair. 32 00:04:30,237 --> 00:04:33,798 - John? In my office. - Excuse me. 33 00:04:36,110 --> 00:04:41,104 If there was one problem, it was that I worked for Elaine's father, Mr. Warner. 34 00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:45,744 There always seemed to be an unspoken tension between us. 35 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:50,313 John-boy! Come on in. Sit down. 36 00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:53,654 My little girl told me the big news. 37 00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:56,990 - Well, I'm glad, John. I'm really glad. - Yes, sir! 38 00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:59,655 He wasn't glad. He hated me. 39 00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:04,770 I think he even trained his dog, Rex, to hate me too. 40 00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:08,973 You're an honorable kid. You don't see that these days. 41 00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:13,273 I appreciate that you have been true to your word to me... 42 00:05:13,447 --> 00:05:17,850 ...and that you have not slept with my daughter. 43 00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:20,384 Have you slept with her, John? 44 00:05:24,391 --> 00:05:27,986 - No, sir. - Okay, all right. I'll tell you what. 45 00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:31,256 I'm gonna give you a few seconds of immunity. 46 00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:37,530 If you've slept with her, tell me here, tell me now, and we'll let it go. 47 00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:40,468 Have you slept with my daughter? 48 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:44,936 Mr. Warner, I have never slept with Elaine. 49 00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:47,805 Good! Goddamn it, that's good. 50 00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:51,610 If you had, I was gonna kick your balls into your head... 51 00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:56,188 ...and let them rattle in your skull like dice in a cup. Have a good one. 52 00:05:56,457 --> 00:06:00,951 To be completely honest, he sort of gave me the creeps. 53 00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:05,123 He had a slightly weird relationship with his daughter. 54 00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:09,825 But aside from that and my job... 55 00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,800 ...life was pretty good. 56 00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:15,399 - Hi. - Hi. John, look at this biscuit basket. 57 00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:19,410 - Think the biscotti makes it look busy? - No, it looks great. 58 00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:21,673 - Yeah? - Yeah. 59 00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:25,776 It does look good. I'm proud of this basket. 60 00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:28,751 - You should be. It's good work. - Thank you. 61 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:34,084 - We should head to my sister's soon. - Oh, yeah. 62 00:06:34,761 --> 00:06:36,228 I'm not going. 63 00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:40,629 Elaine never liked my sister, Patty. 64 00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:43,463 Maybe it's because Patty was a free spirit. 65 00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:47,368 I say free spirit because I'm uncomfortable calling her... 66 00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:51,269 ...sexually indiscriminate trailer trash. 67 00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:53,707 - Hey, Patty! - Where's Elaine? 68 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,275 Headache. 69 00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:58,885 Poor thing. Probably from being such a bitch 24/7. 70 00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:01,418 You know, she really likes you. 71 00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:04,216 And I'm growing a dick, how about that? 72 00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:09,792 Elaine wanted me to give you this gift basket. 73 00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:11,726 God! Fantastic! 74 00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:15,362 Because this one was starting to reek. 75 00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:19,806 - Thanks. - I hope you didn't clean on my account. 76 00:07:19,973 --> 00:07:24,569 Hey, you know what? It has been crazy around here, all right? 77 00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:29,108 Both of the cats ran away. Both of them. Two cats, MIA. 78 00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:32,775 - What would make them do that? - Self-respect? 79 00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:35,244 - Hi, Uncle John! - Hey! 80 00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:38,220 Noreen's my niece. We're not sure who her dad is... 81 00:07:38,425 --> 00:07:41,019 ...so I spent as much time with her as I could. 82 00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:45,563 - Happy Halloween! - Hi! What are you? 83 00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:48,701 I'm the Statue of Liberty. 84 00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:54,433 You could say I'm the closest thing she has to a father figure. 85 00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:57,573 - Good luck! - Thanks, Uncle John! 86 00:07:57,744 --> 00:08:00,872 Come on! These carcasses don't move themselves. 87 00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:04,643 And I'm proud to say, she turned out to be a great kid. 88 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:07,651 Genuine, hard-working... 89 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:12,155 ...and in spite of everything that had happened around her, normal. 90 00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:14,487 - Hi. - Why are we watching these? 91 00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:18,791 We're celebrating. Noreen has news. 92 00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:23,298 - Please tell me you're not pregnant. - Uncle John! 93 00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,731 Here we go! Remember this? 94 00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:30,104 Hi. Sorry I'm late. Traffic. Has the spelling bee started yet? 95 00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:31,608 She's already out. 96 00:08:31,778 --> 00:08:35,839 Got her on the first word. It was rigged. I'm writing a letter! 97 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:38,280 Noreen. I'm sorry. 98 00:08:38,452 --> 00:08:42,650 - What was the word she misspelled? - Tarp. 99 00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:46,488 - Tarp? - Yeah. 100 00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,651 T-A-R-P? 101 00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:52,026 Great. Where were you five minutes ago? 102 00:08:52,899 --> 00:08:56,391 - I'm stupid. - No, you're not. You're smart. 103 00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:58,538 - Yes. - You'll do great in school... 104 00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:02,664 ...you're gonna go to college, you're gonna be brilliant. 105 00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:06,304 Well, Uncle John, you were half right. 106 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:10,780 I don't know if I'm brilliant, but guess who got into Harvard? 107 00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:12,509 - I can't believe it! - What? 108 00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:16,178 - I got accepted to Harvard University! - You're kidding! 109 00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:19,291 That's what this is about? That's incredible! 110 00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:24,226 - I know! - My little goddamned genius! 111 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,760 See? What did I tell you? 112 00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:31,427 You work hard and follow your dreams, and things will always work out. 113 00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:33,300 You were right. 114 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:37,065 - Bet you're sorry you promised. - What promise? 115 00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,678 Wait! Here it comes. My favorite part. 116 00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:43,945 I'm never gonna go into college now. 117 00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:47,712 Yes, you will. I guarantee it. 118 00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:50,914 I believe in you so much, know what I'm gonna do? 119 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,286 - What? - I'm paying for it. 120 00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:56,554 You get into college, and I'll pay for it. 121 00:09:56,730 --> 00:10:00,564 And that's a promise from your Uncle John. 122 00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:05,630 I'll be right back. 123 00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:13,505 Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! 124 00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:21,444 You know, Noreen, a lot of kids are just taking a year off these days. 125 00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:23,856 Ever think about that? 126 00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:28,620 Traveling? Seeing Asia? Lot of people there. Must be something to it. 127 00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:32,390 - Do you not want me to go to Harvard? - What? No! 128 00:10:32,566 --> 00:10:36,832 I just think there's value to being on the road with nothing but $100. 129 00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:38,732 Hell, I'll give you $100. 130 00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:41,132 If it's about money, don't worry. 131 00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:44,937 I've saved almost everything I've ever earned for this. 132 00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:49,105 Plus, I get financial aid, so it's all pretty much paid for... 133 00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:52,615 ...except one little chunk. - Good! 134 00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:58,816 - How much more money do you need? - $29,879. 135 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,251 That's the small chunk? 136 00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:04,593 It's expensive. 137 00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:06,989 Found one. 138 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,796 And we need the money by the 1 5th. 139 00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:15,101 Yeah. There's our Mr. Biscuits. 140 00:11:17,744 --> 00:11:20,975 I have to go. Yeah, he just walked in. 141 00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:25,751 I didn't know how to do it, but I had to tell Elaine our house fund... 142 00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:28,854 ...had just become Noreen's college fund. 143 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,623 So how was Patty's? 144 00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,885 Really nice. 145 00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:38,022 - You know, Noreen's a great kid. - Yeah. 146 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,996 So much raw potential. 147 00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:46,504 - Boy, with the right opportunities... - So I found this great house today. 148 00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:49,075 What do you think? 149 00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:55,080 It's great. It's a charming starter house on a spectacular tree-lined street... 150 00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:58,615 ...and it has hardwood cabinets. And I love it. 151 00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:02,812 If you go by and like it too, then maybe we could... 152 00:12:04,658 --> 00:12:07,252 Don't you think we're moving fast here? 153 00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:12,228 John. I know it seems scary to be spending all this money on a house... 154 00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:15,630 ...but that's what we've been saving for. 155 00:12:15,802 --> 00:12:19,738 My mom and dad fought about money, but that can't happen to us... 156 00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:22,636 ...because we have $30,000... 157 00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:28,441 ...for our house. Our home. Our future. 158 00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:32,449 And no one can take that away from us. 159 00:12:33,386 --> 00:12:35,581 That's what I meant. 160 00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:41,585 So Noreen got into college, and Elaine had found our dream house. 161 00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:47,022 These wonderful things were locked in a struggle for the same money. 162 00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:50,531 Not $30, $30,000. 163 00:12:50,704 --> 00:12:52,433 I had to try and borrow it. 164 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,967 - Hello, dear. - I called my Aunt Jean: 165 00:12:55,141 --> 00:12:57,609 - No! - My Uncle Dave: 166 00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,871 - No! - And my grandmother: 167 00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:04,539 Who do you think I am? Albert fucking Trump? 168 00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:10,682 It was my last option. A man whose ideas were sometimes so dumb... 169 00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:14,759 ...they were brilliant. I had to go to Duff. 170 00:13:21,368 --> 00:13:23,928 Hey, man, how you been? 171 00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:33,944 John. Been almost two months. Did you disappear off the face of the earth? 172 00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:36,579 - I've just been busy. - I've been busy... 173 00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:40,242 ...with my landscaping company, Landscape Escape. 174 00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:44,618 Doesn't mean I have to go and disappear off the face of the earth. 175 00:13:47,727 --> 00:13:51,595 - I can't stay mad at you, man. - Duff! You burned me. 176 00:13:51,765 --> 00:13:54,131 John! John! 177 00:13:57,904 --> 00:14:00,202 - Tarp? - Yep. 178 00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:02,841 - Like a tarpaulin? - No, just tarp. 179 00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:05,477 Who can't spell tarp, Duff? 180 00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:15,687 Duff? Don't you think you're taking a little too much off the top? 181 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,516 I know what I'm doing. 182 00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:22,890 I have to taper it so light reaches the lower leaves during growing season. 183 00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:28,265 But what about this string? 184 00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:33,871 This string is a guide, John. It's just a guide. 185 00:14:34,341 --> 00:14:38,072 - I don't know what I'm gonna do. - Know what your problem is? 186 00:14:38,244 --> 00:14:42,806 You don't understand an oath is an oath. You made an oath to your niece. 187 00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:44,473 No, I didn't. 188 00:14:44,651 --> 00:14:47,518 It was just an offhand remark. 189 00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,587 - How much money you got? - 30,000. 190 00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:53,692 But that's for buying Elaine a house. 191 00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:59,127 Right. Look, I'm your friend. I feel like I can talk straight with you. 192 00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:04,032 Elaine, I like her. I like her a lot, John. But she's a bitch! 193 00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:07,571 - She's a dirty, dumb bitch! - Duff! Come on. 194 00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:12,405 There are more productive things to do with money besides buying a house. 195 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,137 - Such as? - Such as... 196 00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:17,374 ...putting it in a bag and throwing it off a cliff. 197 00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:21,384 And that's just coming off the top of my head. 198 00:15:22,489 --> 00:15:25,890 - I do know how you can get the money. - How? 199 00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:33,432 You take $1000, you go to the horse racetrack... 200 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,592 ...you put it on a 30-to-1. - What's wrong with you? 201 00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:40,536 John, it's been done, man. Kevin Darnell, remember him? 202 00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:44,040 He put money down, won, and bought a used DeLorean. 203 00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:48,112 He crashed it and died, but he did get money. It can happen. 204 00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:52,877 I was hoping for something just this side of theoretically possible. 205 00:15:53,319 --> 00:15:55,014 You know any criminals? 206 00:15:55,188 --> 00:16:00,820 Because, you know, criminals have lots of money. 207 00:16:00,994 --> 00:16:02,621 How about David Loach? 208 00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:05,924 David Loach from high school? That guy's a psycho. 209 00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:09,865 You know what your problem is? You're mentally inflexible. 210 00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:14,837 - Duff, I hate to ask, but... - John, I'm not rich, you know. 211 00:16:15,008 --> 00:16:20,844 I may look it because of my expensive tools and my wonderful truck. 212 00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:26,249 I'm like Bill Gates. He may be the richest, but he doesn't have money. 213 00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:30,753 It's all tied up in stocks. I'm not liquid, John. 214 00:16:30,924 --> 00:16:35,827 - I'm not liquid. - What does that mean? 215 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:39,431 It means I don't have any money for you, man. 216 00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:45,870 Duff couldn't give me money, but he could certainly give me advice. 217 00:16:46,272 --> 00:16:50,436 Know what your problem is? You don't take responsibility seriously. 218 00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:54,774 Maybe you should have thought before you went and became an uncle! 219 00:16:54,948 --> 00:17:00,352 I'm doing my best, Duff. I know she's overcome a lot to turn out normal. 220 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,387 There haven't been many people who helped her. 221 00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:05,285 - Yeah. - But you know what? 222 00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:10,088 I'm gonna be one of them. If I don't come through for her now... 223 00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:15,360 ...it's possible she could lose faith or whatever she's got that's working. 224 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:20,563 I'm getting that money, Duff. Even if I have to go to David Loach. 225 00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:23,436 You're not gonna have to go to David Loach. 226 00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:25,874 I've got another idea. 227 00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:28,077 Can you get the beer? 228 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:36,249 Hey, kids. Duff's Dial-A-Bottle. Time to party. 229 00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:39,650 - It'll be 20 each. - I thought it was 1 5. 230 00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:42,021 That's what the flyer says. 231 00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:47,462 But the fine print says "prices subject to change." Read the flyer. 232 00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:50,603 You happy? You scum! Give me the money. 233 00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:54,706 I'm not making money. Do I look rich? I barely break even. Go! 234 00:17:54,874 --> 00:17:58,002 You skunks! You pukes! Read the fine print. 235 00:17:58,178 --> 00:18:02,308 That is the most irresponsible thing I've ever seen you do. 236 00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:05,042 Look, I provide a public service, John. 237 00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:09,153 One way or another, they were gonna get drunk. 238 00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:13,224 Maybe they would have drank mouthwash or sniffed glue... 239 00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:17,591 ...but, you know, they wanted beer. Those are good, honest kids. 240 00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:21,427 They deliver newspapers, return old pop bottles all week... 241 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:27,130 They deserve to unwind and get drunk. It's all part of the American dream. 242 00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:33,036 Your American dream just gave you the finger. 243 00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:36,839 It's their freedom. 244 00:18:43,156 --> 00:18:45,181 Jesus, Duff! 245 00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:51,428 Here are your briefs, Walter. Hi, John. 246 00:18:51,598 --> 00:18:54,123 - Hi, Mrs. Duffy. - How are your folks, John? 247 00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,131 Dead. Still. 248 00:18:56,302 --> 00:19:00,796 I forgot. I'm so sorry. I'm on medication and it makes me loopy. 249 00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:03,943 - Mom! - Say hi to your folks, John. 250 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:07,177 You have to forgive her. 251 00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:11,306 She's been going through empty nest syndrome since I moved out. 252 00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:14,009 Moved out? You're 20 feet from the house. 253 00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:16,815 Yeah. And I love the freedom. 254 00:19:17,523 --> 00:19:20,856 I could keep these beauties on as late as I want. 255 00:19:21,094 --> 00:19:22,721 Great. 256 00:19:24,530 --> 00:19:26,191 John... 257 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,634 I have a client. 258 00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:33,294 Lives over in the Pembroke Hills Estates area. 259 00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:39,273 Guy's loaded. Last week, I was just finishing up a job... 260 00:19:39,746 --> 00:19:44,581 But I thought I'd do one last round of the property. You know, details? 261 00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:52,720 Inspection is important to me. Thought I'd check out the whole interior. 262 00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:58,194 Although I'm an exterior landscaper, John, I also do interior work. 263 00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:04,494 I was hungry, so I thought I'd heat up a brick of cheese. 264 00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:10,436 I need my cheese! 265 00:20:12,011 --> 00:20:15,412 But, John, I heard something upstairs... 266 00:20:15,581 --> 00:20:18,880 ...and I thought, "I should check this out. " 267 00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:22,818 So I went to look around and I saw this painting on the wall... 268 00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:25,651 ...and something didn't seem right about it. 269 00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:29,454 And I touched it, and it moved. 270 00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:33,395 And behind the painting, there was this safe. 271 00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:38,629 But I heard someone coming, so I gracefully slipped out. 272 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:44,903 But the best part, John, is the safe... 273 00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:47,979 ...it wasn't even locked. - Nope. 274 00:20:48,147 --> 00:20:52,345 You turn this corner, and it's the whole slippery slope. 275 00:20:52,518 --> 00:20:55,646 Your whole moral code goes out the window. No way. 276 00:20:55,822 --> 00:20:59,918 Look. Is it moral to let some fat, greasy man roll around naked... 277 00:21:00,093 --> 00:21:03,961 ...in a pile of cash when it could be used for something good... 278 00:21:04,130 --> 00:21:07,361 ...like sending Noreen to college? 279 00:21:11,137 --> 00:21:14,129 - We can't. - The guy's never home Sunday nights. 280 00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:17,140 Sunday we go there, slip through the window... 281 00:21:17,310 --> 00:21:21,440 ...which I accidentally left unlocked today. 282 00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:24,242 And we grab the money. 283 00:21:25,585 --> 00:21:29,043 - The guy won't miss the money? - Heard of insurance? 284 00:21:29,222 --> 00:21:31,850 Heard of insurance? It's called insurance. 285 00:21:32,091 --> 00:21:35,492 He's not gonna miss the money. He's not gonna pay. 286 00:21:35,661 --> 00:21:38,596 The insurance guys are gonna have to pay. 287 00:21:38,765 --> 00:21:41,359 And they deserve to pay! 288 00:21:42,335 --> 00:21:44,496 Bastards. 289 00:21:49,242 --> 00:21:51,210 Bastards. 290 00:21:56,048 --> 00:21:58,642 Where are you going? 291 00:21:58,818 --> 00:22:00,911 - Why are you here? - I live here. 292 00:22:01,087 --> 00:22:04,750 - I thought you were going to a movie. - That was last night. 293 00:22:04,924 --> 00:22:10,590 - We're supposed look at that house. - I can't. I've gotta go out. 294 00:22:10,763 --> 00:22:14,824 Why are you all dressed in black? Are you going to rob a bank? 295 00:22:17,236 --> 00:22:22,196 No, baby. I'm Johnny Cash. Hello. 296 00:22:23,976 --> 00:22:27,537 But I'll look at the house on the way home. Okay? 297 00:22:27,713 --> 00:22:30,910 Soon as I'm done robbing that bank. 298 00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:33,580 Have a good time. 299 00:22:42,161 --> 00:22:46,257 - Okay. Ready? - Yeah. Let's go. 300 00:22:49,202 --> 00:22:50,669 Sorry. 301 00:22:51,671 --> 00:22:53,332 All right. 302 00:22:57,043 --> 00:23:00,479 - Here we go. - Let's go. Let's go, let's go. 303 00:23:01,914 --> 00:23:04,542 - Under the fence. - Wait. 304 00:23:04,717 --> 00:23:06,810 Go. Go. Go. 305 00:23:07,420 --> 00:23:10,218 What are you doing? It's open. 306 00:23:11,457 --> 00:23:15,723 John. See those dead bushes? I planted those. 307 00:23:19,699 --> 00:23:22,532 - That's the window there. - Who should go first? 308 00:23:22,702 --> 00:23:24,727 - I'm not going in. - What? 309 00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:27,566 Someone has to watch in case he comes home. 310 00:23:27,740 --> 00:23:30,106 - You said he would be out. - He will be. 311 00:23:30,276 --> 00:23:33,643 - Then why do we need a lookout? - We don't. Just go in. 312 00:23:33,813 --> 00:23:37,112 - You go in. - I don't need money. Why risk it? 313 00:23:37,350 --> 00:23:39,978 - What risk? - There is no risk. 314 00:23:41,854 --> 00:23:43,754 Just go! 315 00:24:04,710 --> 00:24:07,975 - Crap! John. - Hello? 316 00:24:08,147 --> 00:24:09,876 John! 317 00:24:11,717 --> 00:24:13,776 Good luck, buddy. 318 00:24:31,470 --> 00:24:35,600 Well, well. What have we here? 319 00:24:35,775 --> 00:24:39,734 - Please don't shoot me. - I'm not going to shoot you. 320 00:24:40,846 --> 00:24:43,815 - Are you gonna call the police? - No. 321 00:24:46,352 --> 00:24:47,819 What are you gonna do? 322 00:24:48,020 --> 00:24:50,955 My wife died several years ago, and it's... 323 00:24:51,123 --> 00:24:53,751 It's really nice to have someone around. 324 00:25:03,636 --> 00:25:07,037 - Now what? - Now we're going to spoon. 325 00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:09,530 Spoon? 326 00:25:09,775 --> 00:25:14,075 You remember when we went to Nova Scotia that spring... 327 00:25:14,246 --> 00:25:19,274 ...and we had those sand dabs at that restaurant on the bay? 328 00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:24,421 - Yes. - Weren't they tasty? 329 00:25:25,825 --> 00:25:27,383 Yes. 330 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:31,155 I don't think we've ever had sand dabs that tasty again. 331 00:25:31,330 --> 00:25:34,390 - Remember the boat ride over? - Yes. 332 00:25:34,567 --> 00:25:36,330 We drove. 333 00:25:37,169 --> 00:25:38,761 Oh, yeah. 334 00:25:41,140 --> 00:25:44,405 Happy times. Turn. 335 00:25:49,949 --> 00:25:52,042 The petting zoo... 336 00:25:53,052 --> 00:25:57,318 All right. Now we do the photo shoot. 337 00:25:58,324 --> 00:26:00,315 Oh, my God. 338 00:26:09,835 --> 00:26:12,235 It won't do you any good to tell anyone. 339 00:26:12,438 --> 00:26:17,466 I'm a respected member of the community. No one will believe you. 340 00:26:19,345 --> 00:26:21,040 A mint? 341 00:26:25,217 --> 00:26:27,344 I'm not gay. 342 00:26:28,688 --> 00:26:30,918 I miss her very much... 343 00:26:31,090 --> 00:26:36,323 ...and I haven't been able to properly grieve and let go. 344 00:26:39,331 --> 00:26:42,357 - Do you understand? - Yeah. 345 00:26:48,841 --> 00:26:51,776 Catch you around here again, I'll kill you! 346 00:27:12,798 --> 00:27:17,292 That was enough. I had to tell Elaine that Noreen needed our money. 347 00:27:17,470 --> 00:27:20,405 And no matter how unpleasant that would be... 348 00:27:20,573 --> 00:27:24,031 ...it couldn't hold a candle to the fetish I just endured. 349 00:27:24,210 --> 00:27:25,802 Hi. 350 00:27:27,313 --> 00:27:28,905 Hi. 351 00:27:30,382 --> 00:27:32,612 I'm gonna go take a shower. 352 00:27:32,785 --> 00:27:37,154 Wait. Don't you think you should tell me what happened at that house? 353 00:27:37,323 --> 00:27:38,813 What? 354 00:27:43,496 --> 00:27:46,192 You said you were gonna look at that house. 355 00:27:48,367 --> 00:27:51,962 That house. Yeah, I looked at it. 356 00:27:52,138 --> 00:27:56,234 - It was great. Great. - Oh, God. 357 00:27:56,408 --> 00:27:59,309 I am so glad you liked it. 358 00:28:00,913 --> 00:28:03,108 Because I did something bad. 359 00:28:03,282 --> 00:28:07,514 I can't even believe I did this, but I put in an offer. 360 00:28:07,686 --> 00:28:11,588 - What do you mean? - I know. It seems so impulsive. 361 00:28:11,757 --> 00:28:16,524 But I just love the house so much, and you do too, so... 362 00:28:16,695 --> 00:28:20,688 - What about the $30,000? - It's gone! 363 00:28:20,866 --> 00:28:26,532 All of it. In escrow. And we find out tomorrow if they accept the offer. 364 00:28:26,705 --> 00:28:31,142 Isn't it exciting? Everything is working out exactly like we planned. 365 00:28:31,310 --> 00:28:33,744 Aren't you thrilled? 366 00:28:35,281 --> 00:28:37,340 - Yeah. - You don't look thrilled. 367 00:28:37,783 --> 00:28:40,411 I'm in happy shock. 368 00:28:43,255 --> 00:28:45,553 Duff! You left me there. 369 00:28:45,791 --> 00:28:48,191 You said he wasn't home Sunday nights. 370 00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:51,420 I tried to warn you. What happened? 371 00:28:51,697 --> 00:28:55,793 Nothing. Absolutely nothing happened at all. 372 00:28:56,068 --> 00:28:58,866 If nothing happened, why are you so angry? 373 00:28:59,038 --> 00:29:03,873 Elaine put in an offer on this house. If they accept, our money's locked up. 374 00:29:04,043 --> 00:29:07,137 "Sorry, Noreen. Hope you like working at Dairy Queen." 375 00:29:07,313 --> 00:29:09,975 Mr. Warner wants to see you in his office. 376 00:29:10,149 --> 00:29:11,946 Thanks, Loretta. 377 00:29:19,592 --> 00:29:23,187 I'm calling regarding the property on Hyden Street. 378 00:29:23,362 --> 00:29:25,956 I'd like to put in an offer. 379 00:29:26,899 --> 00:29:30,027 You have an offer already now, do you? 380 00:29:30,202 --> 00:29:33,603 Well, perhaps I could throw my hat into the ring. 381 00:29:37,743 --> 00:29:40,303 John. Come on in. 382 00:29:41,747 --> 00:29:43,908 So, John-boy... 383 00:29:44,750 --> 00:29:48,584 What did you and my little girl do last night? 384 00:29:48,754 --> 00:29:51,689 - Hung out, watched television. - Really? 385 00:29:51,857 --> 00:29:56,294 That's funny. I was visiting a friend near Pembroke Heights last night... 386 00:29:56,462 --> 00:29:59,954 ...9:30, 9:45, and I thought I saw you... 387 00:30:00,132 --> 00:30:03,465 ...run out of somebody's house like a bat out of hell. 388 00:30:03,636 --> 00:30:07,504 I saw you, John. Rex saw you. 389 00:30:09,775 --> 00:30:11,572 - No. - No, John? 390 00:30:11,744 --> 00:30:14,713 Odd. It looked just like you, and guess what? 391 00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:17,815 He got into a car looked just like your car. 392 00:30:17,983 --> 00:30:19,382 Interesting. 393 00:30:19,885 --> 00:30:24,584 You wouldn't lie to me. So I guess my eyes were playing tricks on me. 394 00:30:24,757 --> 00:30:28,784 I'll just have to watch what's going on more carefully, won't I? 395 00:30:33,699 --> 00:30:36,634 - You won't have to watch... - Watch what? 396 00:30:36,802 --> 00:30:39,828 I won't have to watch what? Go ahead, say it. 397 00:30:40,606 --> 00:30:42,198 - I should... - Say it! 398 00:30:43,008 --> 00:30:44,202 Confess! 399 00:30:44,376 --> 00:30:47,607 I really need to get back to work. 400 00:30:50,549 --> 00:30:52,073 We know. 401 00:30:53,452 --> 00:30:55,886 We know, don't we, Rex? 402 00:30:57,690 --> 00:31:02,525 Okay. I see what's going on here. You think you're Mr. Real Estate. 403 00:31:02,695 --> 00:31:06,187 That's great. Let me ask you this: Do you have any kids? 404 00:31:06,365 --> 00:31:09,698 Good. Three of them? Well, that's even better. 405 00:31:09,868 --> 00:31:13,497 Because I want an audience when I come over, take you out... 406 00:31:13,672 --> 00:31:16,664 ...and beat the living bejesus out of you! 407 00:31:22,781 --> 00:31:27,718 - I was putting an offer on your house. - Great. How'd that go? 408 00:31:27,886 --> 00:31:29,444 He's mulling it over. 409 00:31:30,756 --> 00:31:32,451 We got the house! 410 00:31:32,624 --> 00:31:36,219 I was worried about the other offer, but it fell through. 411 00:31:36,395 --> 00:31:39,694 It must be fate! I'm so happy! 412 00:31:45,537 --> 00:31:46,970 Should we stop? 413 00:31:47,139 --> 00:31:50,131 Why do you always do that? 414 00:31:51,377 --> 00:31:54,904 We get a nice mood going, and then you ruin it. 415 00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:59,574 I think you have some intimacy problems, John. I really do. 416 00:32:00,619 --> 00:32:01,745 What is that? 417 00:32:03,455 --> 00:32:07,414 John! John, come here! 418 00:32:08,460 --> 00:32:10,758 Is that Duff? 419 00:32:11,096 --> 00:32:12,996 Yeah, I guess it is. 420 00:32:14,633 --> 00:32:18,569 - You can't ring the doorbell? - I didn't wanna wake up Elaine. 421 00:32:18,737 --> 00:32:21,331 That's why you were revving your engine? 422 00:32:21,507 --> 00:32:24,772 Okay, well, I guess someone doesn't want $30,000. 423 00:32:24,943 --> 00:32:27,104 - From where? - I asked my uncle. 424 00:32:27,279 --> 00:32:30,146 Are you serious? I don't know what to say. 425 00:32:30,349 --> 00:32:34,080 Don't worry about it. Hop in. We gotta meet him in 1 5 minutes. 426 00:32:34,253 --> 00:32:36,118 - I see. - What is he doing here? 427 00:32:36,288 --> 00:32:39,382 - Evening, ma'am. - You wanna shut off M'Lady? 428 00:32:39,558 --> 00:32:44,894 You wanna shut it off for me? Maybe you'd like to shut it off for me! 429 00:32:45,164 --> 00:32:48,725 Just, please. Just sit tight a second. Okay? 430 00:32:49,902 --> 00:32:52,598 I thought you weren't hanging out anymore. 431 00:32:52,771 --> 00:32:57,299 - Duff's grown up an awful lot. - He's still an asshole. 432 00:32:57,476 --> 00:33:00,070 - Casserole. - I said asshole. 433 00:33:00,245 --> 00:33:03,078 - I thought you said casserole. - I said asshole. 434 00:33:03,248 --> 00:33:04,806 I heard casserole. 435 00:33:04,983 --> 00:33:08,942 I bumped into Duff, and when he heard about the new house... 436 00:33:09,121 --> 00:33:13,285 ...he was so thrilled, he offered to do some free landscaping. 437 00:33:13,459 --> 00:33:16,087 - What are you...? - Don't wait up, okay? 438 00:33:16,261 --> 00:33:19,492 - We may have to do soil tests... - Got soil testing... 439 00:33:19,665 --> 00:33:21,496 - You're... - Check the roots... 440 00:33:21,667 --> 00:33:23,464 - Checking the roots. - Don't... 441 00:33:23,635 --> 00:33:25,899 - Irrigation. - What are...? 442 00:33:43,322 --> 00:33:46,382 You're waking everybody up! 443 00:33:56,001 --> 00:33:58,492 You come here a lot, Jack? 444 00:33:58,670 --> 00:34:02,572 I don't think that's any of your goddamn business. 445 00:34:03,575 --> 00:34:05,236 - Sorry. - So here's the deal. 446 00:34:05,410 --> 00:34:09,176 The state lottery jackpot's up to $86 million this week. 447 00:34:09,348 --> 00:34:11,680 I don't think the lottery's gonna help. 448 00:34:11,850 --> 00:34:15,479 Shut up before I show this shoe your anal cavity. 449 00:34:15,654 --> 00:34:18,714 I don't like this guy. I got a feeling. 450 00:34:18,891 --> 00:34:22,383 He just wants to know what's going on, okay, Uncle Jack? 451 00:34:26,598 --> 00:34:28,122 Not here. 452 00:34:29,101 --> 00:34:32,696 My uncle owns one of the biggest liquor stores in the state. 453 00:34:32,938 --> 00:34:35,270 He's a very successful man. 454 00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:38,773 That's because I found an opportunity and exploited it. 455 00:34:38,944 --> 00:34:42,243 That opportunity being alcoholics. 456 00:34:42,414 --> 00:34:46,942 And after all these years of work, I wind up being a pimp for the state. 457 00:34:47,119 --> 00:34:49,349 - The lottery. - The lottery. 458 00:34:49,521 --> 00:34:52,649 I have one of the biggest lottery outlets in the state. 459 00:34:52,824 --> 00:34:55,384 Tomorrow alone we'll take in over $70,000. 460 00:34:55,561 --> 00:35:00,794 You know what I get for that? Pennies? It's an insult. 461 00:35:00,966 --> 00:35:02,661 So tell him the plan. 462 00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:08,638 Not here. 463 00:35:10,542 --> 00:35:14,979 I got so much lottery money, I can't fit it in the cash register. 464 00:35:15,180 --> 00:35:19,207 I dump it into a cardboard box under the ticket terminal. 465 00:35:19,418 --> 00:35:23,377 Can you imagine how easy it would be to steal that money? 466 00:35:23,555 --> 00:35:27,616 - Wouldn't that be bad? - That would be bad, hamster-dick... 467 00:35:27,826 --> 00:35:32,229 ...unless I knew who was robbing me, and we had a deal worked out. 468 00:35:32,497 --> 00:35:37,628 It's foolproof. We stick the place up, we grab the money and we're done. 469 00:35:37,803 --> 00:35:41,432 - And you're gonna be there. - No, I'm going to be in Reno... 470 00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:43,540 ...so nobody smells anything. 471 00:35:43,709 --> 00:35:47,304 The kid behind the counter weighs like 8 pounds. 472 00:35:47,512 --> 00:35:51,312 Is he gonna piss when he sees what a big gun you have? 473 00:35:51,516 --> 00:35:55,577 - Gun? No. No way. - We're not gonna use real guns, John. 474 00:35:55,787 --> 00:35:59,518 - We're not gonna use real guns. - Just bring me the cash... 475 00:35:59,691 --> 00:36:02,285 ...I'll give you 30,000 for your trouble. 476 00:36:02,494 --> 00:36:04,928 You in or out? 477 00:36:05,430 --> 00:36:09,025 - Can I think about it? - While I think about cutting off... 478 00:36:09,201 --> 00:36:11,396 ...your sack with a dull penknife. 479 00:36:12,938 --> 00:36:16,897 - Where did you get him? - What are you doing, man? 480 00:36:19,211 --> 00:36:20,906 Excuse me. 481 00:36:21,079 --> 00:36:24,071 Is this 100% cotton? I want something that will breathe. 482 00:36:24,249 --> 00:36:26,740 - Nice. - We're going skiing. 483 00:36:28,553 --> 00:36:33,581 None of these guns look real. This one is green. This one turns into a robot. 484 00:36:33,759 --> 00:36:36,557 Don't they have any that look like real guns? 485 00:36:36,762 --> 00:36:41,495 - Maybe we should use slingshots. - A slingshot is not a real weapon. 486 00:36:41,700 --> 00:36:45,261 - It's a toy. - It's not a real weapon, is it, John? 487 00:36:45,437 --> 00:36:47,428 Define the word weapon for me... 488 00:36:47,639 --> 00:36:52,303 ...while this baby smashes into your temple at 1 80 miles per hour. 489 00:36:52,477 --> 00:36:55,275 - Hello? - Hi. 490 00:36:56,548 --> 00:36:59,210 - Can I help you? - We're looking for a gun... 491 00:36:59,384 --> 00:37:04,219 ...that looks like a real gun. Metal, possibly with some bolt action. 492 00:37:04,389 --> 00:37:06,983 We don't sell realistic weapons, sir. 493 00:37:07,192 --> 00:37:11,322 Our store's policy is to make children's gunplay nonviolent. 494 00:37:11,496 --> 00:37:13,020 Do you sell spray paint? 495 00:37:14,633 --> 00:37:18,592 - Can I help you guys? - No, no. We're cool. 496 00:37:27,913 --> 00:37:29,608 Look, John... 497 00:37:29,815 --> 00:37:32,784 ...we got Mr. Tough Guy here. 498 00:37:32,984 --> 00:37:35,248 Are you ready? 499 00:37:35,420 --> 00:37:37,149 No? 500 00:37:41,093 --> 00:37:44,722 How about now, you bastards? 501 00:37:44,930 --> 00:37:47,990 You want a slice of this? 502 00:37:48,367 --> 00:37:53,361 How would you like a whole plateful of this, you stupid bastards? 503 00:37:53,538 --> 00:37:54,766 What? 504 00:37:54,940 --> 00:37:58,137 You boys look nice. Are you going to the dance? 505 00:37:58,343 --> 00:37:59,867 Mom... 506 00:38:00,078 --> 00:38:02,103 ...get out of here! 507 00:38:05,517 --> 00:38:07,678 - You nervous? - I guess. 508 00:38:07,886 --> 00:38:11,845 - You got your gun? - Yeah, but the paint is a little sticky. 509 00:38:12,023 --> 00:38:14,457 - It looks good, though. - Thanks. 510 00:38:14,659 --> 00:38:16,889 - Let's do this. - Yeah. 511 00:38:20,499 --> 00:38:21,625 - John, wait. - What? 512 00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:24,928 - We should make up some names. - Why? 513 00:38:25,103 --> 00:38:27,901 Just in case we have to communicate inside. 514 00:38:28,073 --> 00:38:32,635 I wanna be Kyle. I knew this guy, his name was Kyle. He was maybe 1 3. 515 00:38:32,844 --> 00:38:36,109 He got two girls pregnant. Two girls pregnant. 516 00:38:36,882 --> 00:38:40,340 - Yeah, Kyle. Who you gonna be? - Steve. 517 00:38:40,519 --> 00:38:42,282 - Steve. - Yeah. 518 00:38:42,454 --> 00:38:46,254 - Okay, Steve. - Okay, Kyle. 519 00:38:46,425 --> 00:38:47,483 Wait. 520 00:38:47,659 --> 00:38:49,820 - What? - Wait, I wanna be Steve. 521 00:38:49,995 --> 00:38:52,156 - I'm Steve. You're Carl. - Kyle! 522 00:38:52,330 --> 00:38:54,992 - I just wanna go in there and do this! - Kyle! 523 00:38:55,567 --> 00:38:57,194 Excuse me. 524 00:38:57,602 --> 00:38:59,331 All right, American cattle! 525 00:38:59,538 --> 00:39:03,702 Nobody does anything stupid and you go home to your TV dinners. 526 00:39:03,875 --> 00:39:07,333 - Put your hands in the air, sweetheart. - Shit. 527 00:39:07,512 --> 00:39:09,480 - Get them up. - Give us the money. 528 00:39:09,681 --> 00:39:11,581 - It's underneath. - I'll get it. 529 00:39:11,750 --> 00:39:14,583 If he tries to be a hero, you pop him, Kyle. 530 00:39:14,786 --> 00:39:18,381 - I hear you, Kyle. - I'm Steve. I'm Steve. 531 00:39:18,557 --> 00:39:21,287 - He's Kyle! - Give us the money! 532 00:39:21,460 --> 00:39:24,520 - Keep the hands up, schoolboy! - Here. 533 00:39:24,729 --> 00:39:27,163 Yeah, come to Steve. 534 00:39:27,365 --> 00:39:31,324 All right, get on the floor and count to 300. 535 00:39:31,503 --> 00:39:36,031 No skipping numbers or counting in base 8 or anything like that. 536 00:39:36,208 --> 00:39:39,200 - One. Two... - Look at this gun. This one's better. 537 00:39:39,811 --> 00:39:41,574 Not now. Let's go! 538 00:39:41,746 --> 00:39:44,715 I don't think so, punk-ass! Freeze! 539 00:39:44,883 --> 00:39:47,374 You move, I pop you like a pimple. 540 00:39:47,552 --> 00:39:50,112 Now put the box down. 541 00:39:50,689 --> 00:39:52,782 Now drop the guns. 542 00:39:54,326 --> 00:39:56,055 Drop it! 543 00:39:56,261 --> 00:40:00,994 - I'm trying. The paint, it's stuck. - Fucking get with it, John. 544 00:40:01,166 --> 00:40:03,828 Steve. My name is Steve! 545 00:40:04,002 --> 00:40:05,833 Drop it! 546 00:40:07,873 --> 00:40:10,068 Go! Go! Go! 547 00:40:42,974 --> 00:40:46,034 - We almost died. - I've never been shot at before. 548 00:40:46,244 --> 00:40:50,010 There was one other time, but I didn't know till after. 549 00:40:50,181 --> 00:40:52,911 I told you it was a bad idea. I told you! 550 00:40:53,084 --> 00:40:54,915 - Know your problem? - Get out! 551 00:40:55,086 --> 00:40:57,782 You can't thank people for trying to help. 552 00:40:57,956 --> 00:41:00,083 Help me get my ass shot off? 553 00:41:00,292 --> 00:41:04,661 I give up. I failed Noreen, and I don't care. I wanna get back to my life. 554 00:41:04,863 --> 00:41:09,129 I've been thinking of this scam that involves pizza delivery. 555 00:41:11,403 --> 00:41:14,270 You were never Steve! 556 00:41:16,007 --> 00:41:21,343 One of these guys was about 6 foot. What about the other guy? 557 00:41:21,513 --> 00:41:23,378 The same, only heavier. 558 00:41:23,582 --> 00:41:28,542 - And you said his name was...? - John or Kyle... 559 00:41:29,287 --> 00:41:30,276 ...or Steve. 560 00:41:30,455 --> 00:41:34,915 - And the other guy's name was...? - Kyle or John or Steve. 561 00:41:35,093 --> 00:41:37,493 - Do you have a permit? - Yes, sir. 562 00:41:37,662 --> 00:41:42,122 - How many times did you fire it? - Just once. I shot out the window. 563 00:41:42,334 --> 00:41:45,235 I didn't shoot out the sign. They did that. 564 00:41:45,437 --> 00:41:47,701 They shot the sign, not me. 565 00:41:47,906 --> 00:41:52,502 And then they doubled back and stole the surveillance tapes. 566 00:41:52,711 --> 00:41:56,647 They were crazy. They were crazy. They were crazy. 567 00:41:58,316 --> 00:42:01,342 Anything else you'd like to tell me right now? 568 00:42:01,519 --> 00:42:03,510 I don't know if this would help... 569 00:42:03,688 --> 00:42:06,657 ...I remember four digits on the license plate. 570 00:42:06,825 --> 00:42:09,794 No. I don't think that would help at all. 571 00:42:09,961 --> 00:42:14,125 What are you, a complete numskull? Give me the numbers. 572 00:42:24,809 --> 00:42:28,404 Yeah, I can't believe I got in! 573 00:42:30,782 --> 00:42:32,647 - Patty? - Who is it? 574 00:42:32,851 --> 00:42:36,810 - It's John. - Hold on! 575 00:42:40,191 --> 00:42:43,217 - How's it going? - Hi. 576 00:42:47,232 --> 00:42:51,498 The doorbell gave out this morning, and they couldn't fix it. 577 00:42:51,670 --> 00:42:55,731 - A little late for an electrician. - I don't like your tone. 578 00:42:55,907 --> 00:42:58,876 You got something to say, why don't you say it? 579 00:42:59,044 --> 00:43:00,409 Hey. 580 00:43:06,051 --> 00:43:09,646 I know I've always been too wild for your tastes... 581 00:43:09,854 --> 00:43:13,688 ...but what can I tell you? I've got an independent spirit. 582 00:43:13,858 --> 00:43:17,191 And a thing for the Electricians Local 2 1 4. 583 00:43:17,395 --> 00:43:19,761 Why are you so mean? Give me a break. 584 00:43:19,931 --> 00:43:24,197 Patty, I'm sorry! I'm having a really rough time right now. 585 00:43:24,402 --> 00:43:27,064 I'm having trouble getting it together. 586 00:43:27,272 --> 00:43:29,172 John... 587 00:43:34,212 --> 00:43:37,181 Do you remember Mom and Dad's funeral? 588 00:43:37,382 --> 00:43:40,180 - And that suit you wore? - The brown one. 589 00:43:40,385 --> 00:43:44,788 You couldn't tie your tie, and you asked me to do it, but I couldn't. 590 00:43:45,123 --> 00:43:50,493 - It was no big deal. The priest did it. - But that is a big deal, John. 591 00:43:51,129 --> 00:43:56,465 Because I'm your older sister, and I couldn't even tie your goddamn tie. 592 00:43:57,569 --> 00:44:02,097 I mean, look, I know I'm not gonna win the Best Sister prize... 593 00:44:03,007 --> 00:44:04,406 ...but... 594 00:44:06,010 --> 00:44:08,478 God, John... 595 00:44:08,913 --> 00:44:12,906 ...what you are doing for Noreen... 596 00:44:13,118 --> 00:44:18,317 ...is so generous and so good. 597 00:44:19,524 --> 00:44:22,357 It's nice to know after all this time... 598 00:44:22,527 --> 00:44:26,691 ...I have a little brother who maybe sort of loves me. 599 00:44:27,265 --> 00:44:29,859 You know I love you. 600 00:44:30,034 --> 00:44:32,161 You're my family. 601 00:44:45,550 --> 00:44:47,541 Uncle John! What a surprise! 602 00:44:47,752 --> 00:44:52,689 This is my uncle. If it wasn't for him, none of this would be possible. 603 00:45:20,218 --> 00:45:23,710 Pull the vehicle forward. A little more. A little more. 604 00:45:24,255 --> 00:45:27,247 Ricky, swing to the branch. Swing your body. 605 00:45:27,425 --> 00:45:30,724 Pretend you're a little monkey, but you have a saw... 606 00:45:30,895 --> 00:45:33,386 ...and you're pruning. You're a monkey. 607 00:45:33,565 --> 00:45:37,001 Good. Yeah, no... On the branch. Prune, Ricky, prune. 608 00:45:37,168 --> 00:45:41,468 Swing it, swing on the branch. On the branch, Ricky! 609 00:45:41,673 --> 00:45:46,110 Hey, how did she take the news? Did she start to cry? 610 00:45:46,277 --> 00:45:48,507 Did she shake? She didn't wobble? 611 00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:53,708 I didn't tell her, Duff, and I'm not going to. Noreen is going to Harvard. 612 00:45:53,885 --> 00:45:57,013 Because I am going to see Loach. 613 00:45:57,288 --> 00:45:58,721 - Are you sure? - Yeah. 614 00:45:59,057 --> 00:46:01,958 And you're coming with me. Right now. 615 00:46:07,198 --> 00:46:09,860 Okay, that's an act of God. 616 00:46:10,668 --> 00:46:12,363 Hang in there, Ricky. 617 00:46:12,704 --> 00:46:18,267 Yes, I understand it was a funeral. I guess I goofed up. 618 00:46:19,077 --> 00:46:23,741 I can see how a happy happy-birthday basket... 619 00:46:23,915 --> 00:46:29,785 ...might seem ironic and cruel, but it was an honest mistake. 620 00:46:33,191 --> 00:46:39,528 It's not that easy running a small-sized business out of a house... 621 00:46:39,697 --> 00:46:42,063 ...especially this house! 622 00:46:42,233 --> 00:46:48,035 I'm sorry he's dead, but things haven't been great around here either. 623 00:46:48,206 --> 00:46:51,073 Can I put you on hold? 624 00:47:00,985 --> 00:47:03,112 - Hello. - Daddy? 625 00:47:03,288 --> 00:47:05,119 Is it okay if I come over? 626 00:47:13,698 --> 00:47:16,360 - What do you want? - Hey, is Loach here? 627 00:47:16,734 --> 00:47:22,502 Lift high and lower. Point the toes. Flatten abdominals. 628 00:47:31,082 --> 00:47:34,051 Hey, guys. We're old friends of Dave's. 629 00:47:34,252 --> 00:47:36,152 We went to school with him. 630 00:47:36,321 --> 00:47:39,256 Yeah, school. I'm sure you've heard of school. 631 00:47:39,424 --> 00:47:43,861 You probably went there for a couple of days while you were little. 632 00:47:44,963 --> 00:47:47,625 I'm just kidding. Trying to break the ice. 633 00:47:47,799 --> 00:47:50,233 Why is anybody talking? 634 00:47:50,969 --> 00:47:53,028 Hey, Dave. 635 00:47:53,404 --> 00:47:57,704 John Plummer. Remember? You used to call me asshole? 636 00:47:57,875 --> 00:48:01,402 - I call everybody asshole. - I believe I was the first. 637 00:48:01,746 --> 00:48:06,308 - We were 5, maybe 6, at the time. - Congratulations, asshole. 638 00:48:06,484 --> 00:48:08,111 Now get to the point. 639 00:48:08,286 --> 00:48:11,084 I might need a partner for some heavy stuff. 640 00:48:11,255 --> 00:48:12,722 How heavy? 641 00:48:12,890 --> 00:48:17,486 Well, let's just say it's a little too heavy to lift alone. 642 00:48:21,132 --> 00:48:23,225 Okay, so talk. 643 00:48:26,871 --> 00:48:28,202 Not here. 644 00:48:35,246 --> 00:48:40,843 Okay, just so we're all on the same page, I'm flying right now. Angel dust. 645 00:48:41,019 --> 00:48:46,252 So let's keep it real, boys. Keep it real, and nobody is getting hurt. 646 00:48:49,694 --> 00:48:53,596 I could smell your foot. I could smell your foot on that one. 647 00:48:54,165 --> 00:48:57,532 He's been acting strange. He's been out three nights. 648 00:48:57,702 --> 00:49:02,230 The first night he came home, he went and took a shower. 649 00:49:02,407 --> 00:49:05,638 - That's not good. - He's having an affair, isn't he? 650 00:49:05,810 --> 00:49:10,543 Now, sweetheart, let's not rush to judgment. But yes. 651 00:49:10,715 --> 00:49:13,548 Your shitty boyfriend is having an affair... 652 00:49:13,718 --> 00:49:16,585 ...and we might have some information about that. 653 00:49:16,754 --> 00:49:18,449 Tell me. Tell me. 654 00:49:18,623 --> 00:49:22,491 No. I don't want to upset you until it's absolutely certain... 655 00:49:22,660 --> 00:49:25,527 ...that I can upset you. Let me do some snooping... 656 00:49:25,696 --> 00:49:29,655 ...and then we'll respond swiftly and without mercy. 657 00:49:30,401 --> 00:49:32,926 What happened? Did he give you the money? 658 00:49:33,104 --> 00:49:38,132 He said he'd get it for me tomorrow, Duff. It couldn't have been easier. 659 00:49:38,309 --> 00:49:41,642 I don't know how this is gonna go down, sweetheart. 660 00:49:41,813 --> 00:49:46,477 - Things could get a little crazy. - I don't want you getting hurt. 661 00:49:46,784 --> 00:49:51,915 Kitten, I gave the VC 1 8 months to hurt me, and I walked away laughing. 662 00:49:52,090 --> 00:49:54,490 - Don't worry about me. - I'm coming. 663 00:49:54,659 --> 00:49:57,184 No, you're not. This doesn't concern you. 664 00:49:57,361 --> 00:49:59,659 Doesn't concern me? It's my life. 665 00:49:59,831 --> 00:50:03,289 You made a heck of a job out of it. This guy is a lump. 666 00:50:03,468 --> 00:50:08,098 I don't want you wasting more time. Who is gonna support you? 667 00:50:08,573 --> 00:50:13,101 I can support myself. Once my basket business turns the corner, l... 668 00:50:13,277 --> 00:50:18,840 Putting bows on faggy little olives and water biscuits is not a job. 669 00:50:19,016 --> 00:50:22,179 It's a nice hobby, but it will never pay the bills. 670 00:50:22,820 --> 00:50:26,221 It's always money with you. 671 00:50:26,991 --> 00:50:30,757 Sometimes I think you care more about money than you do me. 672 00:50:30,928 --> 00:50:34,329 Kitten, honey, innocent... 673 00:50:34,499 --> 00:50:37,798 I don't want you getting all emotional about this. 674 00:50:37,969 --> 00:50:39,493 Yeah. 675 00:50:48,646 --> 00:50:51,774 Hello? Is anyone home? 676 00:50:53,885 --> 00:50:55,750 Hello? 677 00:51:00,424 --> 00:51:03,018 Well, well. What have we here? 678 00:51:08,833 --> 00:51:13,998 What kind of car did we have when we first got married? 679 00:51:14,172 --> 00:51:17,266 - I think it was an El Dorado. - Yes. 680 00:51:17,441 --> 00:51:21,901 It was an El Dorado, wasn't it? Turn. 681 00:51:28,686 --> 00:51:34,181 I'm not a homosexual, you understand. I just... I miss my wife very much. 682 00:51:35,126 --> 00:51:39,893 - I lost my wife three years ago. - You know what I'm going through. 683 00:51:40,565 --> 00:51:45,195 Well, not to this extent, per se, but I have a rough idea. 684 00:51:47,004 --> 00:51:49,768 You can go ahead and put your clothes on. 685 00:51:50,174 --> 00:51:55,476 Can I have some privacy? I feel funny getting dressed around other men. 686 00:52:12,897 --> 00:52:15,525 What the hell? 687 00:52:16,667 --> 00:52:19,830 I'm here investigating a holdup of a liquor store... 688 00:52:20,004 --> 00:52:23,303 ...that occurred a short time ago on Fourth Street. 689 00:52:23,474 --> 00:52:27,638 - I don't know anything about that. - That's odd. Here's why. 690 00:52:27,945 --> 00:52:32,075 The license plate on your car matches the license plate of the car... 691 00:52:32,250 --> 00:52:35,310 ...used during the robbery. - That's not possible. 692 00:52:35,486 --> 00:52:38,649 - It was with me the whole night. - Where were you? 693 00:52:38,823 --> 00:52:41,087 With... My friend. 694 00:52:41,259 --> 00:52:43,853 - Having a couple beers. - Where? 695 00:52:44,428 --> 00:52:49,832 I just don't really remember, because I was, you know, a little messed up. 696 00:52:50,001 --> 00:52:52,731 - You drove drunk? - I'm sorry? 697 00:52:52,903 --> 00:52:57,203 You were in the car and you were drunk, so you drove drunk. 698 00:52:57,708 --> 00:52:59,676 Not that I can recall. 699 00:53:00,645 --> 00:53:05,514 - What was your friend's name? - Walter Duffy. Duff. 700 00:53:05,683 --> 00:53:10,382 And this Duff will say that you were with him at the time of the robbery? 701 00:53:10,554 --> 00:53:14,490 Yeah, he will. Very much so. Yeah. 702 00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:19,721 - You seem a little shaky, Plummer. - Yeah. 703 00:53:21,065 --> 00:53:25,900 - The booze. It's a bad scene. - It sure as hell is. 704 00:53:26,370 --> 00:53:29,100 You told him you were with me. Gave my name. 705 00:53:29,273 --> 00:53:33,801 - You want me to lie to a cop? - Yes! Yes, I do! 706 00:53:34,412 --> 00:53:36,710 - Where is Loach? - He'll be here. 707 00:53:36,881 --> 00:53:42,820 He told us to park in this lot at 3:00 and to wait until he showed up. 708 00:53:42,987 --> 00:53:46,013 Well, it's 1 0 after. He's not gonna show. 709 00:53:46,190 --> 00:53:50,991 Yes, he will. This is a plan that, unlike your plans, will succeed. 710 00:53:51,162 --> 00:53:52,720 And do you know why? 711 00:53:52,897 --> 00:53:55,889 Because I did a little creative visualization... 712 00:53:56,067 --> 00:53:58,763 ...and I saw it succeeding in my mind's eye. 713 00:53:58,969 --> 00:54:02,302 Everybody, hands in the air! Money in the bag! 714 00:54:02,473 --> 00:54:05,203 Facedown! Money in the bag! 715 00:54:05,376 --> 00:54:07,071 I'll shoot you in the ass! 716 00:54:07,244 --> 00:54:08,506 He's not gonna show. 717 00:54:08,679 --> 00:54:10,442 - Yes, he will. - Let's go! 718 00:54:12,316 --> 00:54:16,252 - Let's hit it! Start the car, asshole. - I told you he'd show up. 719 00:54:16,520 --> 00:54:20,286 - Drive! Hit it! Hit it! - They robbed a bank! 720 00:54:20,491 --> 00:54:23,517 - Wait, where's my money? - Drive or die! 721 00:54:23,694 --> 00:54:27,255 Jesus, John, just drive. They got a gun at your head. 722 00:54:27,431 --> 00:54:30,229 I'm not going anywhere until I get my 30,000. 723 00:54:30,434 --> 00:54:33,892 - Get these guys out of the car! - I want my money! 724 00:54:34,105 --> 00:54:36,573 - You are dead! - Go away! 725 00:54:36,774 --> 00:54:40,403 - You are so dead! You're dead! - I want my money! 726 00:54:40,611 --> 00:54:44,479 We're dead. Go! Go! We are so dead! We are so dead! 727 00:54:45,282 --> 00:54:49,582 Get back here, you asshole! You asshole! 728 00:54:53,257 --> 00:54:57,489 I hit David Loach in the head. I hit him! It felt good, Duff. 729 00:54:57,695 --> 00:55:01,893 That's super. Nice plan, by the way. Guess I couldn't visualize it... 730 00:55:02,066 --> 00:55:05,467 ...because there was a gun pointed at my mind's eye. 731 00:55:05,636 --> 00:55:08,002 - See you later. - Where are you going? 732 00:55:08,172 --> 00:55:12,768 I'm certainly not gonna stick around anywhere near the getaway car! 733 00:55:12,943 --> 00:55:17,505 - I'm just supposed to leave my car? - Know what your problem is, John? 734 00:55:17,681 --> 00:55:22,050 - Not knowing when to cut your losses. - You think that's my problem? 735 00:55:22,219 --> 00:55:25,677 That's not my problem. Wanna know what my problem is? 736 00:55:25,856 --> 00:55:28,256 You. Are. The. Problem! 737 00:55:28,459 --> 00:55:31,690 You! You! You! 738 00:56:29,353 --> 00:56:31,514 It's a two-way mirror, Duff. 739 00:56:55,813 --> 00:56:58,646 I turned 40 last week. 740 00:56:59,316 --> 00:57:01,511 Do you know what I did? 741 00:57:02,052 --> 00:57:06,113 Got my colon scoped by Dr. Spencer. Do you know what he told me? 742 00:57:06,323 --> 00:57:12,319 "You have one of the cleanest rectums I've ever seen." And do you know why? 743 00:57:12,496 --> 00:57:16,057 During my quiet time here at work, I use a toothbrush... 744 00:57:16,233 --> 00:57:20,727 ...I have here in my desk to get to the really hard-to-find spots. 745 00:57:20,905 --> 00:57:23,533 Just for a really good scrubbing. 746 00:57:28,546 --> 00:57:31,982 - You think you're so smart, don't you? - No. 747 00:57:33,284 --> 00:57:37,118 The way you made those surveillance tapes just disappear... 748 00:57:37,321 --> 00:57:41,621 ...just got rid of them somehow. - What tapes? 749 00:57:41,825 --> 00:57:44,658 - Will you do me a personal favor, son? - Sure. 750 00:57:44,862 --> 00:57:50,232 Don't ever play me like a flute. Okay? 751 00:57:50,401 --> 00:57:55,168 You two idiots got real lucky. I don't have enough to keep you here. 752 00:57:55,406 --> 00:57:58,898 But mark my words, gentlemen. You're going down. 753 00:57:59,109 --> 00:58:04,809 I mean, you're either going down or, by God, I'm gonna take you down. 754 00:58:04,982 --> 00:58:08,509 But either way, once you're down... 755 00:58:10,821 --> 00:58:13,312 You'll stay down! You'll stay down! 756 00:58:13,524 --> 00:58:16,516 You will stay down! 757 00:58:17,194 --> 00:58:18,661 Now get up and get out! 758 00:58:18,862 --> 00:58:22,958 Get up, get out! Get up, get out! 759 00:58:23,167 --> 00:58:27,695 Get up and go! Get up and go! Don't touch my door! 760 00:58:40,284 --> 00:58:41,774 Hello. 761 00:58:43,454 --> 00:58:45,684 I know you're wondering where I've been... 762 00:58:45,889 --> 00:58:49,552 ...and I know I've been distracted and weird, but I promise you... 763 00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:54,163 ...everything's gonna get back to normal. I love you and... 764 00:58:57,434 --> 00:59:00,892 - I'll get that. Don't worry about it. - You lying bastard! 765 00:59:01,071 --> 00:59:05,098 - What did I do? - You pretended to be decent... 766 00:59:05,275 --> 00:59:09,803 ...and now I find out you're a sick, twisted pervert! 767 00:59:10,247 --> 00:59:12,875 What? Where did you get this? 768 00:59:13,083 --> 00:59:15,551 From Daddy. You're a drag queen! 769 00:59:15,753 --> 00:59:18,916 You are a cross-dressing transvestite freak! 770 00:59:19,089 --> 00:59:22,752 - And you lied to me. - I did, but let me tell you why. 771 00:59:23,160 --> 00:59:25,993 Noreen got into Harvard, she needed $30,000... 772 00:59:26,196 --> 00:59:29,495 ...I promised to pay for it. I tried to steal the money... 773 00:59:29,667 --> 00:59:34,400 ...from this guy, but I ended up in a wig and a dress spooning with him. 774 00:59:34,605 --> 00:59:37,438 - Spooning? - Yes! 775 00:59:37,741 --> 00:59:42,405 Then I went into a liquor store with a gun and almost got my ass shot off! 776 00:59:42,880 --> 00:59:48,216 And today I came this close to driving the getaway car for a bank robbery. 777 00:59:48,419 --> 00:59:52,753 And I hit David Loach in the face with that steering-wheel Club you gave me. 778 00:59:52,956 --> 00:59:56,119 - Crazy David from school? - Plus there's your father. 779 00:59:56,326 --> 00:59:59,557 - What did you do to him? - Nothing. That's the problem. 780 00:59:59,730 --> 01:00:03,131 He's always watching me. And when I come home... 781 01:00:03,300 --> 01:00:05,598 ...he's here to take you on dates! - What dates? 782 01:00:05,803 --> 01:00:10,706 Where he squires you around. You go to bed smelling like English Leather... 783 01:00:10,874 --> 01:00:13,536 ...and I have freaky dreams about England. 784 01:00:13,811 --> 01:00:17,247 Why didn't you come to me in the first place? 785 01:00:18,916 --> 01:00:22,443 Why was the hardest thing to tell me the truth? 786 01:00:23,187 --> 01:00:26,588 Of all the things I've done these past few days... 787 01:00:26,757 --> 01:00:31,285 ...the one thing I couldn't do was disappoint you. 788 01:00:33,931 --> 01:00:36,331 Do you like my baskets? 789 01:00:36,500 --> 01:00:37,899 Yeah. 790 01:00:38,102 --> 01:00:43,062 - You don't think they're just a hobby? - No, they're amazing! 791 01:00:46,043 --> 01:00:48,011 John. 792 01:00:57,855 --> 01:01:00,119 I know where we can get $30,000. 793 01:01:00,290 --> 01:01:02,281 - Where? - From my dad. 794 01:01:02,493 --> 01:01:04,791 We're not borrowing from your father. 795 01:01:04,995 --> 01:01:09,091 - I know. We're gonna take it from him. - Take as in "steal"? 796 01:01:10,200 --> 01:01:15,194 When he was drunk, he told me he keeps about $50,000 in cash at work. 797 01:01:15,372 --> 01:01:18,603 - At Homespital? - Yep. It's just sitting there. 798 01:01:18,776 --> 01:01:20,141 Waiting for us. 799 01:01:20,310 --> 01:01:22,437 This is gonna be easy. 800 01:01:22,613 --> 01:01:24,843 - And fun. - I don't know, Elaine. 801 01:01:25,015 --> 01:01:29,543 - Stealing from your father? - What? He's got insurance. 802 01:01:29,720 --> 01:01:33,281 - We're really just stealing from them. - Bastards. 803 01:01:33,490 --> 01:01:35,549 Yeah. 804 01:01:36,593 --> 01:01:41,530 So tell me again about how you hit David Loach in the face. 805 01:01:42,533 --> 01:01:47,027 Well, let's just put it this way. His ass was kicked. 806 01:01:47,604 --> 01:01:50,368 You are so sexy right now. 807 01:01:55,579 --> 01:01:59,037 - You're not crying. - Why would I be crying? 808 01:02:03,387 --> 01:02:06,083 She couldn't spell "tarp"? 809 01:02:10,994 --> 01:02:12,655 Wait. 810 01:02:13,363 --> 01:02:16,025 I have a confession to make. 811 01:02:17,467 --> 01:02:18,764 What? 812 01:02:18,936 --> 01:02:20,904 I never saw the house. 813 01:02:21,371 --> 01:02:23,396 - Isn't it cute? - Yeah. 814 01:02:23,574 --> 01:02:24,700 I love it. 815 01:02:32,649 --> 01:02:35,243 I love that kitchen. 816 01:02:39,723 --> 01:02:42,419 Elaine said we needed a third person... 817 01:02:42,793 --> 01:02:46,092 ...and there was only one place we could go. 818 01:02:46,263 --> 01:02:47,730 We had to go to Duff. 819 01:02:54,538 --> 01:02:57,974 - What's this? - It's Gruyère cheese. It's good. 820 01:02:58,141 --> 01:03:01,235 Really? Is it good? 821 01:03:01,411 --> 01:03:04,244 Is it mild and nutty, yet piquant in flavor? 822 01:03:04,414 --> 01:03:07,713 Named after the Gruyères district in Switzerland? 823 01:03:07,885 --> 01:03:12,015 I happen to know what Gruyères is, Elaine. I've been to Gruyères. 824 01:03:15,158 --> 01:03:16,955 Gruyère is in France. 825 01:03:17,561 --> 01:03:20,155 - Whatever, Elaine. - So will you help us? 826 01:03:21,632 --> 01:03:23,930 Mom! Privacy! 827 01:03:24,301 --> 01:03:28,328 - You hit my head on the car. - I was frustrated. I'm sorry, Duff. 828 01:03:28,505 --> 01:03:32,236 - I have to wear a Band-Aid. - Are you gonna help us or not? 829 01:03:34,845 --> 01:03:37,678 I can't stay mad at you, man. 830 01:03:38,348 --> 01:03:42,614 We have to promise to not say any more mean things about each other. 831 01:03:42,786 --> 01:03:45,949 - I have never said anything mean. - You're a lying bitch. 832 01:03:46,156 --> 01:03:48,351 - You're a bag of crap. - You are. 833 01:03:48,558 --> 01:03:50,719 - You're such a loser! - Skank! 834 01:03:50,894 --> 01:03:54,352 Okay, super! So we're all on board. 835 01:04:03,874 --> 01:04:06,342 Well, hello. 836 01:04:15,686 --> 01:04:18,655 - Everybody ready? - How about you, Anton? 837 01:04:18,822 --> 01:04:20,312 - Yeah. - Griselda? 838 01:04:20,490 --> 01:04:21,718 I'm ready, Steve. 839 01:04:21,892 --> 01:04:24,656 - It's Stan. - I thought you liked Steve. 840 01:04:24,828 --> 01:04:30,095 You saw what happened to Steve. Screw Steve. I hate Steve. 841 01:04:33,670 --> 01:04:35,729 Let's do this. 842 01:04:38,909 --> 01:04:41,537 Okay. Come on, come on. 843 01:04:41,712 --> 01:04:44,010 Go. Go. Go. 844 01:04:51,488 --> 01:04:53,388 Duff, what is that? 845 01:04:54,591 --> 01:04:56,650 Do you know what you're doing? 846 01:04:56,827 --> 01:05:00,319 I'd like to think the answer to that is obvious. 847 01:05:07,838 --> 01:05:09,806 Over here. 848 01:05:17,114 --> 01:05:19,207 Cleaners. 849 01:05:21,985 --> 01:05:24,010 They're leaving. 850 01:05:48,078 --> 01:05:52,606 We've got a little surprise for you. Don't we, Rex? 851 01:06:04,995 --> 01:06:06,963 Duff, is that Silly Putty? 852 01:06:07,197 --> 01:06:10,223 In a manner of speaking, yes, it is. 853 01:06:11,568 --> 01:06:14,401 You guys, it's open. 854 01:06:24,414 --> 01:06:27,349 - Wow, he really likes you. - Rex! 855 01:06:29,086 --> 01:06:32,578 My little girl with those two lumps... 856 01:06:39,129 --> 01:06:41,461 There you go. 857 01:06:42,499 --> 01:06:44,558 He said there was money in here. 858 01:06:44,734 --> 01:06:48,864 Let's look in his office. Smash a window, make it look like a break-in. 859 01:06:49,039 --> 01:06:52,338 Smash a window? Think I'm a little busy here, guys. 860 01:06:53,176 --> 01:06:57,044 Think he might have caught a whiff of my... Gruyères cheese. 861 01:06:59,349 --> 01:07:03,615 I can't find it. And there's not one single picture of me in here. 862 01:07:03,787 --> 01:07:05,550 - I bet it's in there. - What? 863 01:07:05,722 --> 01:07:07,713 Organ Man. 864 01:07:14,598 --> 01:07:17,567 Snack time. Go get the hand. 865 01:07:51,134 --> 01:07:53,102 It's here. All right, let's go. 866 01:07:53,270 --> 01:07:54,532 - Hold it. - What is it? 867 01:07:54,871 --> 01:07:59,604 You. In command. Taking control. 868 01:07:59,809 --> 01:08:03,643 You're very sexy right now. I wanna do it right here. 869 01:08:03,813 --> 01:08:07,010 - What? - Right on my dad's desk. 870 01:08:30,874 --> 01:08:34,037 Here we go. Okay. 871 01:09:20,724 --> 01:09:22,487 Okay. Okay. 872 01:09:30,000 --> 01:09:32,764 Joe. Homespital. 873 01:09:33,603 --> 01:09:37,334 Detective Charles. Backup, immediately. 874 01:09:37,540 --> 01:09:40,509 No! Just get away! Get away! 875 01:09:45,649 --> 01:09:49,517 Asshole! Think you could just leave me there? 876 01:09:51,521 --> 01:09:52,510 Loach? 877 01:09:52,722 --> 01:09:55,213 Cheap-shot me, then leave me to get pinched? 878 01:09:55,625 --> 01:09:59,652 I know we sort of got our signals crossed back at the bank... 879 01:09:59,829 --> 01:10:02,957 ...but I've got $50,000 here, and I only need 30. 880 01:10:03,133 --> 01:10:09,197 Well, well, well. If it isn't big, bad David Loach. Nice nose. 881 01:10:09,506 --> 01:10:13,135 Why don't you go back in the closet? I can handle this. 882 01:10:13,310 --> 01:10:16,643 Did you enjoy getting the crap kicked out of you? 883 01:10:16,846 --> 01:10:20,373 You back for seconds, little man? 884 01:10:20,550 --> 01:10:22,074 Daddy! 885 01:10:22,285 --> 01:10:26,051 - Thank you, Mr. Warner. - Don't thank me, I thought it was you. 886 01:10:26,222 --> 01:10:29,157 Come over here and stand where he was standing. 887 01:10:29,359 --> 01:10:31,122 Well, you piece of shit. 888 01:10:31,294 --> 01:10:33,922 - Wanna explain what's going on? - Well... 889 01:10:34,097 --> 01:10:37,533 Shut your cakehole and let's get it on. Let's go, boy. 890 01:10:37,701 --> 01:10:40,534 In all fairness, I'm younger and in better shape. 891 01:10:41,137 --> 01:10:43,901 - I don't wanna hear from you. - Okay, stop it. 892 01:10:44,641 --> 01:10:48,270 Well, Mr. Warner, you're gonna hear from me. A lot. 893 01:10:48,478 --> 01:10:52,005 Know how I told you I never had sex with your daughter? 894 01:10:52,215 --> 01:10:54,809 Well, I wasn't being entirely truthful. 895 01:10:54,984 --> 01:10:58,010 We did it the first night we met. And ever since... 896 01:10:58,221 --> 01:11:02,555 ...we've been banging together like a pair of cymbals in a marching band. 897 01:11:02,826 --> 01:11:05,556 - So get used to it. - I'll get used to it. 898 01:11:05,729 --> 01:11:09,597 As soon as you get used to walking around with your balls... 899 01:11:09,799 --> 01:11:11,699 ...in a fanny pack! 900 01:11:21,177 --> 01:11:23,145 Come on! 901 01:11:29,452 --> 01:11:31,647 I urge you to drop it! 902 01:11:35,959 --> 01:11:37,722 John, wait! Stop! 903 01:11:38,228 --> 01:11:40,856 - Duff, get in! - Stop! Stop! 904 01:11:41,030 --> 01:11:44,431 Okay, go! Go! Go! Go! John, go! Dog, stop! 905 01:11:44,634 --> 01:11:47,000 Duff, where were you? 906 01:11:47,203 --> 01:11:50,400 - Drop the weapon. Put it down! - But they're stealing... 907 01:11:50,573 --> 01:11:53,474 - They're stealing from my man. - Calm down. 908 01:11:53,643 --> 01:11:56,134 - From my man. - Citizen, calm down. 909 01:11:56,312 --> 01:11:58,576 They were gonna have sex on my desk. 910 01:11:58,782 --> 01:12:02,183 Listen to me. These won't hurt a bit. 911 01:12:02,385 --> 01:12:04,649 - Drive! - I'm trying! I'm going! 912 01:12:06,489 --> 01:12:09,481 - We've got to get rid of the dog. - Screw the dog. 913 01:12:09,659 --> 01:12:11,354 No! Stop the dog! 914 01:12:15,098 --> 01:12:16,497 Oh, my God! 915 01:12:29,045 --> 01:12:31,036 Daddy! 916 01:12:32,449 --> 01:12:35,213 - I'm fine. - I'm sorry. You were mean to me. 917 01:12:35,385 --> 01:12:37,114 I'm fine. I'm fine, really. 918 01:12:38,822 --> 01:12:41,382 It's a good thing you're here, officer. 919 01:12:41,558 --> 01:12:44,288 Because a crime has just been committed. 920 01:12:44,727 --> 01:12:46,524 Put the dog down. 921 01:12:47,363 --> 01:12:48,523 Number four. 922 01:12:48,698 --> 01:12:51,667 "Oh, yeah. Come to Steve." 923 01:12:51,835 --> 01:12:54,429 Now number three. 924 01:12:54,604 --> 01:12:57,971 "Oh, yeah. Come to Steve." 925 01:12:58,141 --> 01:13:01,577 That's him. The guy in the middle and the guy next to him. 926 01:13:01,744 --> 01:13:06,044 They robbed the liquor store, shot the sign, stole the porno mags... 927 01:13:06,216 --> 01:13:09,549 ...and the chocolate milk... Jeez, they're guilty, man. 928 01:13:09,752 --> 01:13:14,280 Might as well tell me everything. We got your buddy, your girlfriend... 929 01:13:14,457 --> 01:13:16,755 You know one of them's gonna spill. 930 01:13:16,926 --> 01:13:19,292 I don't think so. Elaine won't talk. 931 01:13:19,462 --> 01:13:21,828 She's my fiancée. We have a bond. 932 01:13:21,998 --> 01:13:24,228 Fair enough. What about Mr. Duffy? 933 01:13:24,400 --> 01:13:28,860 - Duff's my oldest friend in the world. - Why are you pointing fingers at me? 934 01:13:29,038 --> 01:13:32,098 He did it. He planned it. He's the mastermind. 935 01:13:32,275 --> 01:13:36,336 Give me a pen. I'll sign a blank piece of paper. You can fill it out. 936 01:13:36,546 --> 01:13:40,277 This is not good. Breaking and entering. 937 01:13:40,450 --> 01:13:44,546 Animal cruelty. Attempted vehicular manslaughter. 938 01:13:44,754 --> 01:13:48,383 This is bad. This is really, really bad. 939 01:13:53,296 --> 01:13:55,992 Okay, look. You are so going to jail. 940 01:13:56,165 --> 01:13:59,532 The best idea is to plead insanity. What do you say? 941 01:13:59,702 --> 01:14:02,899 All rise. Court is officially in session. 942 01:14:03,206 --> 01:14:07,836 The Honorable Emmett Cook presiding. Please be seated. 943 01:14:08,478 --> 01:14:11,641 Good morning, everyone. Shall we begin? 944 01:14:19,956 --> 01:14:21,321 Remember me? 945 01:14:32,468 --> 01:14:35,164 I have the picture. 946 01:14:39,642 --> 01:14:43,169 I can... You know, I don't... I see no cause. 947 01:14:43,346 --> 01:14:47,510 So... Charges are dismissed. 948 01:14:47,884 --> 01:14:50,853 - Justice! - I won a case. 949 01:15:17,614 --> 01:15:20,481 - What are you doing here? - I had to talk, John. 950 01:15:20,850 --> 01:15:23,614 Look at me. I can't go to prison. 951 01:15:23,786 --> 01:15:28,655 I wouldn't last a day in there. They'd pass me around like a bag of Oreos. 952 01:15:29,792 --> 01:15:31,282 I'm sorry, man. 953 01:15:35,698 --> 01:15:37,632 I mean it. 954 01:15:40,236 --> 01:15:44,002 This is $1000, Duff. What am I supposed to do with this? 955 01:15:47,710 --> 01:15:50,975 - You know what your problem is? - What? 956 01:15:51,447 --> 01:15:53,108 You're too good a friend. 957 01:16:02,525 --> 01:16:03,514 John? 958 01:16:06,963 --> 01:16:11,866 People always talk about fate. I never used to believe in all that. 959 01:16:12,035 --> 01:16:16,165 I'd always hoped we were masters of our own destiny. 960 01:16:16,606 --> 01:16:20,098 And my destiny had become a bet on a horse named M'Lady. 961 01:16:22,211 --> 01:16:24,941 That, believe it or not, was a 30-to-1 shot. 962 01:16:25,348 --> 01:16:28,215 I had tried a lot of ways to get the money... 963 01:16:28,384 --> 01:16:32,616 ...and all it ever got me was punched, shot at and arrested. 964 01:16:32,789 --> 01:16:34,757 - And they're off! - So here I was... 965 01:16:34,957 --> 01:16:38,723 ...pinning Noreen's hopes for education on an animal that... 966 01:16:38,928 --> 01:16:41,761 ...couldn't win if it was shot out of a cannon. 967 01:16:41,931 --> 01:16:45,458 And trailing is number 5, M'Lady. 968 01:16:47,537 --> 01:16:51,871 Making his move from behind, the long shot, number 5, M'Lady. 969 01:16:52,075 --> 01:16:55,272 But for some reason, that day... 970 01:16:55,978 --> 01:16:59,004 ...my horse ran the race of his life. 971 01:16:59,916 --> 01:17:03,943 As we enter the stretch, number 4, Dance in the Dark, is fading. 972 01:17:04,253 --> 01:17:05,948 It's a two-horse race. 973 01:17:06,122 --> 01:17:10,320 So was that fate? I don't know. But I do know this: 974 01:17:10,660 --> 01:17:16,189 If you show up, do your best and spoon with the occasional judge... 975 01:17:16,365 --> 01:17:18,629 ...you don't have to believe in fate. 976 01:17:18,801 --> 01:17:25,104 - And it's M'Lady by a nose! - Because fate will believe in you. 977 01:17:27,110 --> 01:17:31,979 Things worked out. Elaine and I got married. 978 01:17:33,349 --> 01:17:36,113 Noreen couldn't be there. She was at college. 979 01:17:36,319 --> 01:17:39,652 So Patty was the maid of honor. 980 01:17:39,822 --> 01:17:43,087 And there on the steps of our charming starter home... 981 01:17:43,259 --> 01:17:46,353 ...surrounded by our special friends... 982 01:17:46,529 --> 01:17:52,092 ...it felt like we were finally starting to live our dream. 983 01:17:52,735 --> 01:17:57,331 The only thing I didn't figure out was how Duff got that $1000. 984 01:17:57,507 --> 01:18:01,068 Well, well. What have we here? 985 01:22:02,284 --> 01:22:03,649 Okay. 986 01:22:04,854 --> 01:22:06,378 Wait. Let me shut it. 987 01:22:06,689 --> 01:22:09,920 I know exactly what you're talking about. 988 01:22:12,528 --> 01:22:14,587 I just salivated on you, I'm sorry. 989 01:22:14,764 --> 01:22:18,530 Saliva shot onto your body. 990 01:22:19,969 --> 01:22:21,596 So do I get paid...? 991 01:22:23,706 --> 01:22:24,695 - Let's go. - Hold it. 992 01:22:24,874 --> 01:22:27,570 What... is it? 993 01:22:28,944 --> 01:22:32,436 Suddenly I'm William Shatner. Let me do this again. 994 01:22:38,621 --> 01:22:40,680 - What is it? - You. 995 01:22:42,558 --> 01:22:45,459 Wait. Sorry. Go back. Wait. Okay. 996 01:22:51,967 --> 01:22:53,366 I'm your private dancer. 997 01:22:53,536 --> 01:22:55,003 - You're a bag of crap. - Shut up! 998 01:22:55,171 --> 01:22:57,662 - You shut up! - What are you doing? 999 01:22:57,840 --> 01:23:00,900 Okay. Super. So we're all on board. 1000 01:23:01,077 --> 01:23:02,601 Stupid bag of crap. 1001 01:23:03,179 --> 01:23:05,545 Any free landscaping you want. 1002 01:23:05,714 --> 01:23:07,579 I'll trim your bush. 1003 01:23:08,551 --> 01:23:10,815 How would you like me to...? I don't want to talk about it. 1004 01:23:14,457 --> 01:23:16,152 It's been a while. 1005 01:23:21,497 --> 01:23:23,590 I forgot my line! 1006 01:23:25,734 --> 01:23:28,464 Mom, privacy! 1007 01:23:29,972 --> 01:23:32,497 Mom, privacy! 1008 01:23:36,112 --> 01:23:37,807 Big truck. 1009 01:23:41,817 --> 01:23:43,546 Nobody does anything... 1010 01:23:48,824 --> 01:23:51,315 I'm supposed to leave my car here? 1011 01:23:51,494 --> 01:23:54,156 You know what your problem is, Duff? John. 1012 01:23:54,330 --> 01:23:56,059 You know what...? Sorry. 1013 01:23:57,600 --> 01:23:59,431 Okay, but I don't... 1014 01:24:00,069 --> 01:24:03,561 ...spoon until... 1015 01:24:03,739 --> 01:24:05,104 ...after. 1016 01:24:05,307 --> 01:24:08,003 Your head is so yellow and furry. 1017 01:24:11,647 --> 01:24:13,979 I don't look fat in this, do I? 1018 01:24:15,784 --> 01:24:17,581 - We've been doing it... - I know. 1019 01:24:17,753 --> 01:24:20,779 ...a lot. - Doing it and doing it right 1020 01:24:20,956 --> 01:24:21,945 Hi, Duff. 1021 01:24:26,929 --> 01:24:29,193 Get on the floor! 1022 01:24:29,365 --> 01:24:30,798 And... 1023 01:24:32,902 --> 01:24:35,063 Okay, I want the money. 1024 01:24:35,237 --> 01:24:36,704 Now. 1025 01:24:37,206 --> 01:24:38,195 Now. 1026 01:24:40,943 --> 01:24:43,343 Spooning feels dirty. 1027 01:24:46,982 --> 01:24:49,109 I work hard for the money. 1028 01:24:50,352 --> 01:24:52,377 So hard for the money. 1029 01:24:57,359 --> 01:24:59,293 - Tuna. - Oh, you... 1030 01:25:01,530 --> 01:25:03,395 Hold on. One more time. Keep going. 1031 01:25:03,566 --> 01:25:07,127 Holding. Anytime. 1032 01:25:07,670 --> 01:25:09,399 One more time. 1033 01:25:14,376 --> 01:25:16,867 All right. Cut. 1034 01:25:18,614 --> 01:25:21,412 That's what I'm talking about. 1035 01:25:21,462 --> 01:25:26,012