1 00:01:16,509 --> 00:01:18,272 Miss Valentine. 2 00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:25,174 Miss Valentine. It's time to get up. 3 00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:30,153 Good morning, Camille. 4 00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:36,819 Peek-a-boo. Peek-a-boo, peek-a-boo. Peek-a-boo! 5 00:01:37,363 --> 00:01:39,661 - You like? - I like. 6 00:01:41,401 --> 00:01:43,733 - I don't know. - You like. 7 00:01:43,803 --> 00:01:46,795 I like. Those. 8 00:01:46,873 --> 00:01:48,738 I'm not sure if those are comped. Where should they bill? 9 00:01:48,808 --> 00:01:51,504 - Delores? - Yes? Coming. Yes. Right here. 10 00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:53,806 Delores will give you all of Cousin Barry's info. 11 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:55,939 - He's the one that handles all my money. - Okay. 12 00:01:56,015 --> 00:01:58,609 Your jewelry for tonight has arrived. 13 00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:02,148 Hey, Peek-a-boo! Don't chew on those Jimmy Choos. 14 00:02:02,222 --> 00:02:04,156 How cute is that? 15 00:02:06,192 --> 00:02:10,822 Okay, so I'm thinking old Hollywood, 1920s screen siren. 16 00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:14,593 I saw a clip of the movie. So adorable. 17 00:02:14,667 --> 00:02:18,433 The layers you brought to that character? So deep. 18 00:02:18,505 --> 00:02:21,770 - Really? - Megan. Come on, we're friends. 19 00:02:21,841 --> 00:02:27,177 - Look at me. Would I lie to you? - Megan? Don't freak, okay? 20 00:02:29,282 --> 00:02:33,878 - Joe Kidd strikes again. - That dirt bag. 21 00:02:33,953 --> 00:02:37,389 I was walking past the doctor's office, not out of it. 22 00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:43,692 - That's a good picture of you. - I know, right? 23 00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:56,741 Wow! Don't you look nice? That dress would be perfect 24 00:02:56,809 --> 00:02:59,744 if we were premiering a movie called Back Door Blondes. 25 00:02:59,812 --> 00:03:01,040 That whole thing to me says, 26 00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:04,242 "I've got five different kind of pills in me and I don't wear panties." 27 00:03:04,317 --> 00:03:06,945 And that hair looks like you plucked it off of a blow-up doll. 28 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,453 We talked about this. 29 00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:09,613 I specifically remember 30 00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:12,487 because your New Jersey screech makes my ears bleed. 31 00:03:12,559 --> 00:03:15,756 Now, get out of here, Catwoman, and take your friends with you. 32 00:03:15,828 --> 00:03:18,194 All right. I'm sorry I had to be a little rough with your handlers, 33 00:03:18,264 --> 00:03:20,789 but that's what a good manager does. 34 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,835 He manages. Don't give me that pout. 35 00:03:22,902 --> 00:03:25,462 - How long have we been together now? - Since I was 13. 36 00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:26,903 And have I ever steered you wrong? 37 00:03:26,973 --> 00:03:30,033 When you told me my period was the devil's way of saying hi. 38 00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:34,239 I don't exactly think menstruation is a gift from a loving God. 39 00:03:34,314 --> 00:03:37,545 I have known you ever since you were little Frances Bagley, 40 00:03:37,617 --> 00:03:41,144 that fat girl who did the tap dance at the indoor swap meet. 41 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,711 I remember seeing you and thinking, 42 00:03:42,822 --> 00:03:46,280 "Sure, she's got mousy brown hair and a snaggle tooth and an oily forehead. 43 00:03:46,359 --> 00:03:47,758 "But we can do something with her." 44 00:03:47,827 --> 00:03:52,491 We have made you America's Sweetheart and we're not gonna stray from that path. 45 00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:55,227 Can we stray from talking animal movies? 46 00:03:55,301 --> 00:03:57,428 Megan, all the greats have done talking animal movies. 47 00:03:57,503 --> 00:03:59,664 You've got Clint Eastwood in Every Which Way But Loose, 48 00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:02,936 Meryl Streep, Out of Africa. We are on the right track. 49 00:04:03,009 --> 00:04:05,170 Just yesterday, you were named Best Actress 50 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:09,841 by the inmates at Leavenworth Penitentiary. That's a huge deal. It's a very big prison. 51 00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:12,544 You know who was the runner-up? Judi Dench. 52 00:04:14,153 --> 00:04:17,816 Here's the dress. This is America's Sweetheart. 53 00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:20,222 This is Megan Valentine. 54 00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:26,797 Cousin Barry! Thank you so much for the flowers. 55 00:04:26,866 --> 00:04:29,835 I cannot believe it. It is like looking in the mirror. 56 00:04:29,902 --> 00:04:31,961 I mean, we're like identical cousins. 57 00:04:32,038 --> 00:04:35,667 You know, I mean, if I bleached my hair and had a big comb-over. 58 00:04:35,742 --> 00:04:37,300 I mean, I've worn a bustier a couple of times. 59 00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:40,175 - It's very similar. - Good Lord. 60 00:04:40,246 --> 00:04:42,271 We're both wearing thongs. 61 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,447 - Derek! - Baby! 62 00:04:44,517 --> 00:04:47,315 Gosh, what a surprise. 63 00:04:47,387 --> 00:04:48,411 I thought you couldn't make it. 64 00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:51,082 I had to be here to support you on your big night. 65 00:04:51,157 --> 00:04:52,522 Besides, Nigel pulled some strings 66 00:04:52,592 --> 00:04:55,459 and he promised the director he'd have me back in time for tomorrow's shoot. 67 00:04:55,561 --> 00:04:57,085 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 68 00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:07,671 All right. I'll let you get that. 69 00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:15,509 - Hey, Sidney. - Hey, kiddo. How's it going? 70 00:05:15,948 --> 00:05:19,349 - Hey. Tell Brad I'll call him back. - We're on our way. 71 00:05:19,619 --> 00:05:22,486 Hey, I wanted to talk to you about that script that you sent over the other day? 72 00:05:22,555 --> 00:05:23,817 - The one about the singer? - What? 73 00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:26,085 - I love it. - Barbra Streisand biopic? 74 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,456 You're just not right for the role. 75 00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:29,927 They're looking for somebody a little bit more serious, you know? 76 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:33,329 - But, Sidney, that's... - People love you the way you are. 77 00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:35,230 You're cute. You're perky. 78 00:05:35,301 --> 00:05:37,599 You've got D cups. You're America's Sweetheart. 79 00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:41,162 Bubele, listen to your agent. I know what you want, okay? 80 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:43,572 I'll see you at the after-party. We'll talk. 81 00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:47,075 How's anyone gonna ever take me seriously 82 00:05:47,146 --> 00:05:49,614 when I can't get a serious role to begin with? 83 00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:52,913 Where's my Color Purple? Where's my Sling Blade? 84 00:05:52,985 --> 00:05:58,321 Hey. This guy takes you seriously. All right? You're gonna do great. 85 00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:23,474 You're so pretty. Yeah. You look great. Go, go. You look good. Go. 86 00:06:25,651 --> 00:06:27,846 Meg! Megan! 87 00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:32,323 - Megan, is it true you two are engaged? - Megan, what about the pregnancy rumor? 88 00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:36,226 Hey, Derek, are you sure you're the dad? It might not be you. 89 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,490 I hate that Joe Kidd guy. I love you! 90 00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:40,896 All right. Back off, fatty. 91 00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:42,093 - What? It's my job. - I've had enough of you. 92 00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:43,897 - I don't care if you do your job. - Let me see your veneers. 93 00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:45,028 These are worth nothing. 94 00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:47,731 Now, Derek, you have to admit your career has taken off 95 00:06:47,807 --> 00:06:49,240 since you and Megan started dating. 96 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,336 Derek's career was well on its way 97 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,972 before we ever even met. I mean, he's been on the cover 98 00:06:55,047 --> 00:06:57,015 - of Soap Digest four times. - Four times. 99 00:06:57,083 --> 00:07:01,452 All I can say is, I'm in love. And I'm the luckiest guy in the world. 100 00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:07,523 Well, there it is, ladies and gentlemen. True love alive in Hollywood. 101 00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:10,587 I don't know. 102 00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:13,325 Rupert, how am I gonna get myself out of this one? 103 00:07:13,399 --> 00:07:15,833 The same way I got out of being neutered. 104 00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:18,028 - How? - Well, actually, I didn't. 105 00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:21,005 But at least I don't hump the couch anymore. 106 00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:26,174 Quick, hurry. It's Dr. Munson. Hide! 107 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,445 Babe, it really looks like you're hiding there. 108 00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:31,142 - I know, right? - It's amazing. 109 00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:32,512 Yeah. 110 00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:34,815 Even my fleas are scared. 111 00:07:34,887 --> 00:07:37,913 - It's not fair. You just got here. - I know. 112 00:07:37,990 --> 00:07:40,049 Look, we'll take a trip when I get back, all right? 113 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,560 Just the two of us. I'll pay half. 114 00:07:43,863 --> 00:07:45,854 I'm sorry I couldn't stay to the end. 115 00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:48,992 I'm just glad I got to see you shine. You were amazing tonight. 116 00:07:49,068 --> 00:07:50,831 - I love you. - I know. 117 00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:57,572 Okay, I got to go. Nigel will be all over me if I'm not on that plane. 118 00:07:57,643 --> 00:08:01,374 - All right. Okay. Excuse me. - Okay. 119 00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:07,650 Bye. Bye. 120 00:08:18,931 --> 00:08:23,300 Okay, that was torture. Ten minutes in and my mind went numb. 121 00:08:23,369 --> 00:08:27,396 - How do you stand hanging out with her? - I have to. It's part of the job. 122 00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:32,671 I better get back out there. Time to kiss some ass. 123 00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:46,420 Sidney? Am I... I am sitting down. 124 00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:50,795 Keep drinking. It gets worse. 125 00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:54,458 Cousin Barry? It's not possible. He just sent me flowers this morning. 126 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:57,799 More like you sent yourself flowers. We just got the bill. 127 00:08:57,870 --> 00:09:01,169 He's been siphoning off money from you for years. You didn't notice? 128 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:05,643 No, I didn't notice. I don't handle the money. Barry handles the money. 129 00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:10,671 Well, Barry's gone now. So is about $15 million of your money. 130 00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:14,550 - I have $15 million? - Had. Had $15 million. 131 00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:18,021 $15,700,000, to be exact. 132 00:09:19,458 --> 00:09:21,255 Does Nigel know? 133 00:09:21,327 --> 00:09:24,228 We can't get a hold of him. He must have his cell off for the premiere. 134 00:09:24,330 --> 00:09:29,233 Meggie, Barry cashed out all your investments. 135 00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:31,270 I don't even know if you can keep the house. 136 00:09:31,337 --> 00:09:34,500 I guess I can just stay in the guest house. 137 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,509 - That's part of the house, kitten. - Oh, yeah. 138 00:09:38,377 --> 00:09:43,713 I'm sorry. He really cleaned you out. You're broke. 139 00:09:46,385 --> 00:09:48,683 Leave your name and number and maybe I'll get back to you. 140 00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:49,914 Nigel, pick up the phone. 141 00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:53,925 Where the hell are you? I've been trying to call you all night. 142 00:10:07,139 --> 00:10:09,607 - Hello? - Hey, Jinny. It's Megan. 143 00:10:09,976 --> 00:10:14,345 - Your little sister? - Megan. It's after midnight here. 144 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:17,280 Mark's asleep and the kids are all down. 145 00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:20,976 I just really wanted to hear your voice. 146 00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:22,682 I haven't heard from you in months 147 00:10:22,755 --> 00:10:25,019 and out of the blue you call me in the middle of the night? 148 00:10:25,825 --> 00:10:28,123 I'm sorry, Megan. We're not all on Hollywood time. 149 00:10:49,849 --> 00:10:51,009 Nigel? 150 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,683 Nigel! 151 00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:02,992 Nigel, where have you been? I have been calling you... Nigel? 152 00:11:04,463 --> 00:11:05,862 - Derek? - Hey. 153 00:11:07,633 --> 00:11:12,468 Megan! Wait! Just, come on. Hey, it's not what I think you know it is. 154 00:11:13,472 --> 00:11:17,499 Baby! Megan! Megan. 155 00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:20,712 Why? 156 00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:24,773 Nigel said being with you would help out my career. I'm sorry. 157 00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:29,443 Come on. Friends? Meggers. 158 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:36,351 - It was a character study. - You were great tonight! 159 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:21,262 Miss Valentine. Miss Valentine? Miss Valentine? 160 00:12:24,009 --> 00:12:25,237 - God? - No, ma'am. 161 00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:28,280 This is GuideStart, your global positioning satellite system. 162 00:12:28,347 --> 00:12:31,043 - Hi, Mr. Start. - Miss Valentine, are you all right? 163 00:12:31,117 --> 00:12:35,281 No. My boyfriend's gay! 164 00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:42,620 - Can you tell me if you've been hurt? - Well, of course I've been hurt. 165 00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:47,655 He told me that he loved me. And I don't even have a house anymore. 166 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:51,392 I don't know what I did to deserve this, Mr. Start. 167 00:12:51,470 --> 00:12:55,998 I'm a really good person. I give to charity... I think. 168 00:12:56,475 --> 00:12:57,908 The authorities have been notified. 169 00:12:57,977 --> 00:13:00,036 Someone will be there to assist you momentarily. 170 00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:04,481 They'll be there any minute, Miss Valentine. Sit tight and remain calm. 171 00:13:06,152 --> 00:13:08,712 This is not good. I gotta go. 172 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,821 Miss Valentine? Miss Valentine, are you there? 173 00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:22,160 Miss Valentine? 174 00:14:16,288 --> 00:14:21,692 - Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you can't sleep here. - Can I use your bathroom? 175 00:14:23,329 --> 00:14:28,892 I promise I'm not homeless. Well, actually, I am homeless. 176 00:14:28,968 --> 00:14:32,699 - But I really got to go to the bathroom. - Of course, ma'am. 177 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:43,273 There's strong and then there's Army strong. 178 00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:48,415 So join us and experience what it takes to be a soldier. 179 00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:55,587 - Loyalty, duty, respect, selfless service... - I bet that gives you really good glutes. 180 00:14:58,530 --> 00:15:01,363 - The Army's might is not in its numbers. - Cute outfit. 181 00:15:01,433 --> 00:15:02,991 It's in the character of its individuals. 182 00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:05,002 - I am an American soldier. - Please, have a seat. 183 00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:06,662 I will never... 184 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,366 - Thank you. - Yeah. 185 00:15:09,174 --> 00:15:13,634 - I will be all I can be. - Or be what everybody else wants you to be. 186 00:15:13,712 --> 00:15:18,445 - Having some troubles, ma'am? - I have no control over my life. 187 00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:23,517 Well, maybe you need to step away from it. Get some perspective. 188 00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:28,185 - You're right. - Yeah, you need to see what you're made of. 189 00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:30,751 You're right. I need that. 190 00:15:30,829 --> 00:15:34,663 ...and that who you are will become better than who you were. 191 00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:37,594 Being a soldier isn't a walk down the red carpet, ma'am. 192 00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:40,537 - You can't just decide... - Don't tell me what to do. 193 00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:44,007 Please. Not you, too. I really need this. 194 00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:53,443 I have a contract right here, Miss Valentine. 195 00:15:54,887 --> 00:16:00,257 Are you telling me a Hollywood actress really wants to join the United States Army? 196 00:16:00,326 --> 00:16:01,315 Yeah. 197 00:16:01,393 --> 00:16:04,794 Are you ready to embrace the core values that the Army holds dear? 198 00:16:04,863 --> 00:16:08,799 Loyalty, duty, respect, honor, integrity and courage? 199 00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:13,429 - It's like you're totally reading my mind. - Are you ready to take an oath 200 00:16:13,505 --> 00:16:16,372 and become a member of the United States Army? 201 00:16:16,442 --> 00:16:17,466 Yes. 202 00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:21,445 - Are you ready to be Army strong? - Yes, sir! 203 00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:41,692 - I think the girl next to me is dead. - What? 204 00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:46,431 I think the girl next to me is dead. She looks a lot like Megan Valentine. 205 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:50,134 - That girl from the talking dog movie? - She should be dead. 206 00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:53,303 Am I in coach? Am I in coach? 207 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:58,609 - Oh, my God. It is Megan Valentine. - Why are you looking at me like that? 208 00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:01,209 I'm from a trailer park in Missouri. The only celebrity I've ever met was 209 00:17:01,286 --> 00:17:03,186 when Ronald McDonald showed up at the mall. 210 00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:06,247 You're freaking me out. Will you sign my face? 211 00:17:07,126 --> 00:17:09,458 What the hell are you doing here? 212 00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:11,189 What, are you researching a role or something? 213 00:17:11,263 --> 00:17:13,094 - No. - So you're actually telling us 214 00:17:13,165 --> 00:17:16,134 that you joined the Army? 215 00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:20,638 Wow! You must have had one messed up night. God, I miss those. 216 00:17:26,478 --> 00:17:29,743 Recruits. Army Senior Drill Sarge, Sergeant Mills Evans. 217 00:17:29,815 --> 00:17:32,682 You've arrived at Fort Jackson. You will not speak unless spoken to. 218 00:17:32,751 --> 00:17:34,378 You will obey each word I say. 219 00:17:34,453 --> 00:17:35,852 When I say go, you will exit 220 00:17:35,921 --> 00:17:38,754 and immediately place your feet on the yellow footprint formation. 221 00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:41,588 Go, go, go, go! Move, move, move, move! 222 00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:44,288 Get your bags and go. Move, move, move, move! 223 00:17:44,363 --> 00:17:45,990 - Come on! - You forget something for a dance tonight? 224 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,329 Get off my bus. Move, move! 225 00:17:48,934 --> 00:17:50,902 - Okay. Okay. - Get off my bus. 226 00:17:50,969 --> 00:17:53,096 Let's go! Move it! 227 00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:57,301 Princess Buttercup. Move your feet. Move your feet, Petunia. 228 00:17:57,376 --> 00:18:01,278 - Hey, say it, don't spray it. - Move, move, move. Move those feet. 229 00:18:01,346 --> 00:18:03,007 Move, move, move! 230 00:18:05,551 --> 00:18:06,609 Yes. 231 00:18:07,453 --> 00:18:10,013 You better get your S-H-l-T consolidated ASAP 232 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:13,286 or you will be SOL PDQ. Do you understand me? 233 00:18:13,358 --> 00:18:15,622 - No. I have no idea what he just said. - This is not a slumber party. 234 00:18:15,694 --> 00:18:18,254 - Get your game face on! - This is so not my vibe. 235 00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:22,391 What happened to, like, the cute little rock climbing outfits and the sisterhood? 236 00:18:22,468 --> 00:18:26,234 You will stand at attention! Put your bag down! 237 00:18:26,305 --> 00:18:29,502 - Shoulders back! Eyes front! - Look at me! 238 00:18:29,575 --> 00:18:30,906 Now, when I address you, 239 00:18:30,976 --> 00:18:33,501 your response to me will be, "Yes, Drill Sergeant." 240 00:18:33,579 --> 00:18:34,773 Do you understand? 241 00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:36,644 Why didn't you tell me my mascara was running? 242 00:18:36,715 --> 00:18:40,151 - Now say it like you got a pair. - Yes, Drill Sergeant. 243 00:18:41,019 --> 00:18:44,819 - Here. This will take the edge off. - What do you think this is, a rehab facility? 244 00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:47,017 I don't do drugs! My body's a temple! 245 00:18:47,092 --> 00:18:51,222 Did you think that bus was going to a Phish concert? Put that away! 246 00:18:52,731 --> 00:18:56,758 Now, listen up. This is your First Sergeant, Louisa Morley. 247 00:18:56,835 --> 00:18:59,269 She'll be overseeing your training here at Fort Jackson. 248 00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:01,966 You will address her as First Sergeant. 249 00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:07,442 Certainly have hit a new low, haven't we, Sergeant Evans? 250 00:19:07,513 --> 00:19:09,276 Yes, First Sergeant. 251 00:19:11,183 --> 00:19:14,414 - Name, soldier. - Jeter, First Sergeant. 252 00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:16,346 Don't I know you? 253 00:19:16,421 --> 00:19:19,254 Proudly served as sergeant at Fort Benning. 254 00:19:19,358 --> 00:19:24,227 Traded my stripes in for marriage. That fell through. 255 00:19:24,296 --> 00:19:27,390 Came back for the love of my country, First Sergeant! 256 00:19:27,466 --> 00:19:32,130 A woman scorned is a good soldier. Welcome back, Private Jeter. 257 00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:40,273 - What's your name? - Ma'am, Petrovich, ma'am. 258 00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:46,944 "Ma'am"? I worked hard for my rank, Private. You will address me as First Sergeant. 259 00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:49,487 - Are we clear? - Yes, First Sergeant. 260 00:19:49,555 --> 00:19:55,357 Are you about to cry? Ain't no crying in the Army, baby girl. 261 00:19:55,427 --> 00:19:58,419 'Cause I ain't got time to be changing no diapers. Are we clear? 262 00:19:58,497 --> 00:20:00,294 Yes, First Sergeant. 263 00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:07,994 - Did I just catch you eyeballing me? - No, First Sergeant. 264 00:20:08,073 --> 00:20:13,909 Am I attractive to you? 'Cause I'll only break your heart, sweetheart. 265 00:20:26,091 --> 00:20:29,288 - Name, soldier. - Private Castillo, First Sergeant. 266 00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:33,960 What are you? Huh? You some kind of gangbanger? 267 00:20:35,867 --> 00:20:38,961 What you gonna do? What, you gonna cut me, mommy? 268 00:20:39,037 --> 00:20:41,938 Is that what you gonna do? You gonna cut me? 269 00:20:42,641 --> 00:20:48,841 - No, First Sergeant. - I got my eye on you, Casti-ho. 270 00:20:50,616 --> 00:20:56,145 This is the United States Army. We will tolerate nothing but... 271 00:20:56,221 --> 00:20:59,122 Excuse me? Excuse me? Hi. 272 00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:05,453 This is really embarrassing. Sorry to interrupt, but I'm Megan Valentine. 273 00:21:07,666 --> 00:21:09,759 - The actress? - Hey. 274 00:21:12,237 --> 00:21:14,262 See, this really isn't what I was picturing 275 00:21:14,339 --> 00:21:17,638 when the recruitery guy was telling me about me finding myself. 276 00:21:17,709 --> 00:21:22,237 Really? Well, come on over here a second, sweetheart. 277 00:21:22,314 --> 00:21:26,478 - But first, who are you wearing? - Dolce & Gabbana. 278 00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:31,084 - Stunning. Stunning. - Thanks. 279 00:21:31,156 --> 00:21:35,991 It looks like we've got ourself a special visitor today. Megan Valentine. 280 00:21:36,061 --> 00:21:39,292 Why don't we all give her a round of applause? Come on! 281 00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:41,059 Come on. No, you all can do better than that. 282 00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:43,795 - Let's hear it for Megan Valentine. - Hi. 283 00:21:43,902 --> 00:21:47,838 Let's hear it for Megan. She's just pretty as a peach. 284 00:21:47,906 --> 00:21:52,104 Thank you. Between us girls, 285 00:21:52,177 --> 00:21:55,237 I need a bath, a phone and, like, 20 hours of sleep. 286 00:21:55,314 --> 00:21:57,111 Do you know any cute, like, B and B's around here? 287 00:21:57,182 --> 00:21:59,343 - Let me think. Bed and breakfast? - Yeah. 288 00:21:59,418 --> 00:22:03,286 Nearby. And you'll probably need a ride too, huh? 289 00:22:03,355 --> 00:22:06,483 - You're a doll. - Well, then by all means, 290 00:22:06,558 --> 00:22:11,222 let me ride you, Miss Daisy. Drop and give me 10. 291 00:22:12,197 --> 00:22:15,689 - Ten what? - Ten push-ups. Drop and give me 10! 292 00:22:16,802 --> 00:22:19,032 Will you hold my bag? Thanks. 293 00:22:20,105 --> 00:22:23,165 I think I wanna take the scenic route, Evans. 294 00:22:23,241 --> 00:22:25,402 My grandmother can do a better push-up than that. 295 00:22:25,477 --> 00:22:30,972 Off your knees. This isn't the Girl Scouts! Now, down. I said, feet back. Down! 296 00:22:31,049 --> 00:22:35,076 - I'm trying. - Up! Down. 297 00:22:35,420 --> 00:22:38,446 Up. Down. Hold it when I say down. 298 00:22:38,523 --> 00:22:43,324 Down. Up. Down. Up. 299 00:22:43,962 --> 00:22:48,456 Down. Up. Down. Up. 300 00:22:49,334 --> 00:22:53,828 Down. Up. Down. Up. 301 00:22:53,905 --> 00:22:56,635 - Get up, Hollywood! Get up! - Okay. 302 00:22:58,210 --> 00:23:01,373 As you can see, I'm a huge fan. Really, I am. 303 00:23:01,446 --> 00:23:04,745 But we just seem to have a teeny weeny problem here. 304 00:23:04,816 --> 00:23:09,150 You see right here? Like the VIP, girlfriend, you on the list. 305 00:23:09,221 --> 00:23:13,214 So as long as your name is on my list, you're not going anywhere. 306 00:23:14,426 --> 00:23:17,327 Fall in for processing. There you go, cuteness. 307 00:23:17,429 --> 00:23:19,454 Hey, this is Sidney. Call me on the cell, call me at the office, 308 00:23:19,531 --> 00:23:20,964 I'm always open. 309 00:23:21,032 --> 00:23:24,695 Sidney, it's me. I made a mistake. I need your help. 310 00:23:24,770 --> 00:23:29,469 I crashed my car and now I'm at the Army and everyone's yelling at me. 311 00:23:31,543 --> 00:23:33,602 Come on, you know how much that tube of eye cream goes for? 312 00:23:33,678 --> 00:23:36,943 No, not the Libra. I have been on a waiting list. 313 00:23:37,716 --> 00:23:39,081 These are on loan. 314 00:23:39,584 --> 00:23:43,247 One size fits all? Am I being Punk'd? 315 00:23:43,321 --> 00:23:46,051 C-D-N-K... 316 00:23:48,393 --> 00:23:49,860 That's so wrong. 317 00:23:50,762 --> 00:23:52,662 I don't wear underwear. 318 00:23:53,532 --> 00:23:55,432 When is this gonna end? 319 00:23:57,836 --> 00:23:59,565 This is just the beginning! 320 00:24:04,176 --> 00:24:07,111 Gosh. Where's my room? 321 00:24:21,993 --> 00:24:24,518 These sheets better have a decent thread count. 322 00:24:25,530 --> 00:24:27,259 Can you believe that? She just sees a tattoo 323 00:24:27,332 --> 00:24:29,892 and just assumes I'm in a gang or something. 324 00:24:30,602 --> 00:24:34,902 - I hate that I let her make me cry. - Thank God. 325 00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:47,240 Attention, ladies. It's 5:00 a.m. Time to fall in for duty. 326 00:24:47,919 --> 00:24:52,913 Let's go. Let's go. Rise and shine, ladies. Move it, move it, move it! 327 00:24:54,759 --> 00:24:56,021 Let's go. 328 00:25:03,201 --> 00:25:04,896 Private Valentine? 329 00:25:08,740 --> 00:25:10,230 Move it, Hollywood. 330 00:25:18,884 --> 00:25:21,580 I wanna be an airborne ranger 331 00:25:21,653 --> 00:25:24,417 I wanna be an airborne ranger 332 00:25:24,489 --> 00:25:27,481 Living on blood and guts and danger 333 00:25:27,559 --> 00:25:30,392 Living on blood and guts and danger 334 00:25:30,462 --> 00:25:33,329 I wanna be an airborne ranger 335 00:25:33,398 --> 00:25:36,231 I wanna be an airborne ranger 336 00:25:36,301 --> 00:25:39,168 Living on blood and guts and danger 337 00:25:39,237 --> 00:25:42,104 Living on blood and guts and danger 338 00:25:43,375 --> 00:25:46,401 I think I'm gonna die. I want my mommy. 339 00:25:47,145 --> 00:25:50,546 Weren't you just on the cover of some fitness magazine? 340 00:25:50,615 --> 00:25:54,574 Yeah. I don't work out. I have a high metabolism. 341 00:25:54,653 --> 00:25:57,178 What? You look like that without working out? 342 00:25:57,255 --> 00:26:00,190 - It's really hard for me to gain weight. - Yeah, whatever. 343 00:26:00,258 --> 00:26:03,921 Before I cry you a river, tell me, why are you really here, Valentine? 344 00:26:03,995 --> 00:26:08,557 I needed to get away from my life for a little bit. 345 00:26:08,633 --> 00:26:11,363 And that recruiter was so hot. 346 00:26:13,104 --> 00:26:18,508 And his voice was so soothing. I made a mistake. 347 00:26:18,577 --> 00:26:21,307 Let's go, soldiers! Move, move, move, move! 348 00:26:21,379 --> 00:26:25,782 - My grandmother runs faster than that. - Who's your grandma, Derek Jeter? 349 00:26:27,152 --> 00:26:30,588 Private, you had better pull it together fast or you are never gonna make it through this. 350 00:26:30,655 --> 00:26:33,146 That's just it. I don't wanna make it through. 351 00:26:33,224 --> 00:26:36,022 I changed my mind. It was an impulse purchase. 352 00:26:36,127 --> 00:26:39,062 Well, you bought yourself quite a challenge. 353 00:26:40,599 --> 00:26:42,499 Move it! Come on, get over here! 354 00:26:43,702 --> 00:26:46,535 Sidney! 355 00:26:47,872 --> 00:26:51,603 Sidney, it's me. I made a mistake. I need your help. 356 00:26:51,710 --> 00:26:55,976 I crashed my car and now I'm at the Army and everyone's yelling at me. 357 00:26:56,348 --> 00:27:00,785 - She crashed her car and went to Armani? - Why would anyone yell at her at Armani? 358 00:27:00,852 --> 00:27:04,515 I had the operator trace the call. It came from a Fort Jackson. 359 00:27:04,589 --> 00:27:06,113 The Army base? 360 00:27:08,059 --> 00:27:10,857 I need your help. I crashed my car and now I'm at the Army 361 00:27:10,929 --> 00:27:15,195 and everyone's yelling... ...the Army and everyone's yelling at me. 362 00:27:31,016 --> 00:27:33,507 These Army guys, I know how to handle them. 363 00:27:33,585 --> 00:27:38,716 And their intimidation tactics. This, all for looks. 364 00:27:38,790 --> 00:27:39,848 Sit. 365 00:27:41,860 --> 00:27:46,820 - Gentlemen, we've located your girl. - I'm just glad we found her. 366 00:27:46,898 --> 00:27:49,662 "Major movie star missing." Try explaining that one. 367 00:27:49,734 --> 00:27:52,396 - Sidney? - Oh, my God! 368 00:27:53,438 --> 00:27:57,169 What did you people do to my star? Honey, what happened? 369 00:27:57,242 --> 00:27:59,870 You gave her a gun? It's not loaded, is it? 370 00:27:59,944 --> 00:28:04,244 - There was gunfire and mud and running. - She hates running. 371 00:28:04,315 --> 00:28:06,306 - They tried to kill me. - Who? 372 00:28:06,384 --> 00:28:10,650 - Who, sweetheart? Who tried to kill you? - The ones in the camouflage. 373 00:28:12,023 --> 00:28:14,116 Well, that's it. Let's go. We're getting you out of here. 374 00:28:14,225 --> 00:28:17,592 She signed a binding US Government contract, gentlemen. 375 00:28:17,662 --> 00:28:20,290 She was in a car accident. She was in shock. 376 00:28:20,365 --> 00:28:23,163 Post-traumatic stress. She had a concussion. 377 00:28:23,234 --> 00:28:24,758 What he said, I was concussed. 378 00:28:24,836 --> 00:28:28,932 Sir, it is my opinion that Private Valentine does not belong here. 379 00:28:29,007 --> 00:28:34,274 Come on. She's an actress. She's insecure, yet full of herself. 380 00:28:34,345 --> 00:28:36,176 That's what makes her so impressionable. 381 00:28:36,247 --> 00:28:38,078 If she had walked into a circus tent, 382 00:28:38,149 --> 00:28:41,175 she'd be in a leotard, juggling poodles right now. 383 00:28:41,252 --> 00:28:43,720 She did not walk into a circus tent, Mr. Green. 384 00:28:43,788 --> 00:28:48,054 She walked into an Army recruiting office. I don't care who she is. 385 00:28:48,126 --> 00:28:51,653 Megan Valentine is now property of the United States Army. 386 00:28:51,763 --> 00:28:56,564 All right. Well, let's do this. Name your price. 387 00:28:56,668 --> 00:29:01,002 MPs? Remove this George Hamilton wannabe. 388 00:29:01,072 --> 00:29:03,563 - What's happening? Sidney! - I'll be back for you. 389 00:29:03,641 --> 00:29:07,202 - Meanwhile, work on your abs! - Don't leave me here! 390 00:29:07,278 --> 00:29:08,506 I don't belong with these people. 391 00:29:08,580 --> 00:29:11,413 They're from trailer parks and gangs and they all ride coach. 392 00:29:11,483 --> 00:29:14,919 I will never survive. My roots are already growing in. 393 00:29:15,754 --> 00:29:17,085 I'm going. 394 00:29:18,089 --> 00:29:19,579 - No, no... - Don't you hurt me. 395 00:29:19,657 --> 00:29:21,716 - Worm. - I'm an attorney. 396 00:29:27,832 --> 00:29:31,529 - I'm staying? - Sir, she is not fit to be a soldier. 397 00:29:31,603 --> 00:29:35,130 - Her very presence is a distraction. - Enlistment is down, Sergeant. 398 00:29:35,206 --> 00:29:37,606 We cannot afford to have a celebrity go AWOL 399 00:29:37,675 --> 00:29:40,200 and trash the Army all over the press. 400 00:29:40,278 --> 00:29:44,305 For now, she stays. Big Mo, you come. 401 00:29:46,518 --> 00:29:47,576 Sir. 402 00:29:51,356 --> 00:29:54,018 Move out, Valentine. Move out! 403 00:29:54,092 --> 00:29:55,286 - Okay, okay. - Move! 404 00:30:06,704 --> 00:30:08,262 Keep going. Don't stop till you get over there. 405 00:30:08,339 --> 00:30:09,772 Let's go, Valentine. 406 00:30:19,417 --> 00:30:22,079 Get over the obstacle. Let's go. This is easy. 407 00:30:22,987 --> 00:30:24,318 I did it again. 408 00:30:24,389 --> 00:30:26,949 Get up there. Get up there and do it again. 409 00:30:45,376 --> 00:30:48,834 So I said it's like pulling keys out of a monkey's ass. 410 00:30:54,752 --> 00:30:56,777 Don't even think about it. 411 00:31:02,193 --> 00:31:06,425 Thanks. That Jeter's a hug waiting to happen. 412 00:31:07,165 --> 00:31:12,000 - You put soy sauce on eggs, too? - Yeah, it's the Japanese ketchup. Right? 413 00:31:12,737 --> 00:31:15,638 - Pretty much. - Hamamori, this is Megan Valentine. 414 00:31:15,707 --> 00:31:19,336 - I'm sure you've seen some of her movies. - Just on an airplane, but yes. 415 00:31:19,410 --> 00:31:22,277 Well, I've seen all your movies. In the theater. Twice. 416 00:31:22,347 --> 00:31:27,011 - Thanks. - So, you're an actress. That must be fun. 417 00:31:27,085 --> 00:31:29,485 Everybody in my family's in the military. 418 00:31:29,554 --> 00:31:31,419 - Is that what you wanna do? - Oh, no. 419 00:31:31,489 --> 00:31:33,582 I wanna grow medical marijuana to help people. 420 00:31:33,658 --> 00:31:36,252 Taking some of the power away from the drug companies, 421 00:31:36,361 --> 00:31:39,888 all the while reducing my own personal carbon emissions. 422 00:31:40,698 --> 00:31:42,461 Sounds like a plan. 423 00:31:43,434 --> 00:31:46,835 - I like to help, too. I give to charity. - Good for you. 424 00:31:46,905 --> 00:31:49,897 Aren't you dating Derek O'Grady, that Greenpeace guy? 425 00:31:49,974 --> 00:31:51,236 - We broke up. - That blows. 426 00:31:51,309 --> 00:31:54,437 - What happened? - I don't know. 427 00:31:54,512 --> 00:31:56,878 Last thing he said was, if he didn't make his plane, 428 00:31:56,948 --> 00:31:59,382 my manager would be all over him. 429 00:32:00,318 --> 00:32:02,650 Guess he didn't make his plane. 430 00:32:04,055 --> 00:32:07,855 Today Sergeant Evans will instruct you on how to fire your rifle. 431 00:32:07,926 --> 00:32:12,226 - What's the first rule we've learned? - Never be without your rifle, First Sergeant. 432 00:32:12,297 --> 00:32:15,926 - What is it? - Never be without your rifle, First Sergeant. 433 00:32:19,671 --> 00:32:22,640 Private Valentine, where is your rifle? 434 00:32:24,375 --> 00:32:28,573 Rifle said he needed time apart. It wasn't me. He just needed his space. 435 00:32:28,646 --> 00:32:32,980 Sergeant Evans, run the platoon three miles back to the mess 436 00:32:33,051 --> 00:32:36,509 - to retrieve Valentine's rifle. - Yes, First Sergeant. 437 00:32:41,392 --> 00:32:43,883 Now, fall out. Give me a formation! 438 00:32:44,996 --> 00:32:47,624 Sorry. Normally I have an assistant to take care of stuff like that. 439 00:32:47,699 --> 00:32:48,927 Give me a break. 440 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:53,096 I swear, Valentine, when we find your rifle, I'm gonna staple it to your head. 441 00:33:04,449 --> 00:33:09,614 Halt! Halt! Halt! What now, Valentine? 442 00:33:10,855 --> 00:33:15,417 I really... I really have to go. Number... 443 00:33:17,195 --> 00:33:18,389 I see. 444 00:33:19,630 --> 00:33:22,064 Valentine needs to lay some cable. 445 00:33:23,234 --> 00:33:26,169 And probably gonna need a little tissue, too, right? 446 00:33:26,237 --> 00:33:29,434 - Thank you. - Well, you just go right over there. 447 00:33:29,507 --> 00:33:31,099 - Take your sweet little time, okay? - Okay. 448 00:33:31,175 --> 00:33:34,076 - We'll be right here waiting. - Okay, okay. 449 00:33:34,145 --> 00:33:39,412 Valentine? When you get back, three more miles for everyone. 450 00:33:40,385 --> 00:33:41,977 Go. Go. 451 00:33:44,655 --> 00:33:46,316 Two steps forward. 452 00:33:48,793 --> 00:33:55,164 Right foot crosses behind the left. Sit down. Aim. Fire. 453 00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:57,929 Now, lock and load. 454 00:34:08,546 --> 00:34:09,535 Sorry. 455 00:34:09,614 --> 00:34:12,913 You could be court-martialed for that, Private. Get up! 456 00:34:12,984 --> 00:34:14,246 - Off my firing platform. - Sorry. 457 00:34:14,452 --> 00:34:17,512 Come on now. I ain't got all day. Move it, move it, move it. 458 00:34:17,588 --> 00:34:19,351 Come on, Hollywood. 459 00:34:21,059 --> 00:34:25,860 - Disgraceful. Lazy bum. - Please. Somebody call my stunt double. 460 00:34:25,930 --> 00:34:28,694 - She lives for this stuff. - Hollywood! 461 00:34:29,901 --> 00:34:32,699 You just earned three miles for everyone. 462 00:34:36,140 --> 00:34:38,574 Valentine, I don't wanna feed into stereotypes, 463 00:34:38,643 --> 00:34:42,409 but I don't swim, and this is more water than I can drink, so move it. 464 00:34:48,953 --> 00:34:52,912 - Jeter, show them how it's done. - No problem, First Sergeant. 465 00:34:55,226 --> 00:34:57,353 - All right. - Come on, Jeter. 466 00:34:58,930 --> 00:35:01,455 - Come on, Jeter. - Oh, my God. 467 00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:06,331 - Who's a hero? Who's a hero? - Oh, my God. Why did you do that? 468 00:35:06,404 --> 00:35:08,702 A mosquito was piercing through your helmet. 469 00:35:08,773 --> 00:35:10,001 You should be thanking me. 470 00:35:10,074 --> 00:35:13,100 - Well, thank you, bitch. - No! 471 00:35:15,446 --> 00:35:17,175 All right, Private. 472 00:35:20,885 --> 00:35:23,786 Who you leaving now, asshole? Who you leaving now? 473 00:35:23,855 --> 00:35:25,482 - He's dead, Jeter. - Who're you... 474 00:35:25,556 --> 00:35:26,887 He's dead. 475 00:35:31,762 --> 00:35:37,723 - Let's see what you've got, Valentine. - I'm sorry. What's my motivation? 476 00:35:37,802 --> 00:35:40,430 That's it. That's it. 477 00:35:40,505 --> 00:35:44,805 What... What are you doing, Valentine? Are you trying to force a discharge? 478 00:35:44,876 --> 00:35:45,934 No. 479 00:35:49,780 --> 00:35:54,410 Drop and give me 20. Everybody! Right now! 480 00:36:01,392 --> 00:36:06,227 - What? Now everyone here hates me? - That's just it, Valentine. 481 00:36:06,297 --> 00:36:09,596 There's 30 of us here and all we keep hearing about is you. 482 00:36:09,667 --> 00:36:11,658 It's not only about you. 483 00:36:38,095 --> 00:36:40,359 - Valentine. - What? 484 00:36:40,431 --> 00:36:43,628 - Listen up, poopy-pants. - This is gonna be good. 485 00:36:43,734 --> 00:36:48,262 Now, I don't give a shit who you are or why you're here. 486 00:36:48,339 --> 00:36:52,708 But I gave up my rank as sergeant to make the worst mistake of my life. 487 00:36:54,078 --> 00:36:57,570 So I'm here to get my stripes back. 488 00:36:57,648 --> 00:37:03,985 But if I have to run one more extra mile or do one more extra push-up, 489 00:37:04,055 --> 00:37:07,252 because your lazy, pampered ass can't keep up, 490 00:37:08,893 --> 00:37:11,521 you're gonna have to answer to these. 491 00:37:17,768 --> 00:37:23,229 Look at this. Look at this bed. See this? We're all gonna end up paying for that. 492 00:37:23,307 --> 00:37:27,004 Because Miss "I Wish I Was Glenn Close" can't make her bed. 493 00:37:28,212 --> 00:37:32,148 Well, tonight, when you're sleeping in those steel wool linens, 494 00:37:32,750 --> 00:37:34,411 keep one eye open. 495 00:37:43,628 --> 00:37:47,928 I'm sorry, okay? I told you guys, I don't wanna be here. 496 00:37:49,133 --> 00:37:51,033 You know what? Save it. 497 00:37:51,969 --> 00:37:53,197 Meanie. 498 00:38:00,578 --> 00:38:02,273 Come on, last turn. 499 00:38:02,346 --> 00:38:03,904 - Twenty-four. - Twenty-five. 500 00:38:03,981 --> 00:38:06,006 - Twenty-six. - Twenty-seven. 501 00:38:27,305 --> 00:38:31,139 - Valentine! - What? 502 00:38:38,516 --> 00:38:41,417 I see the air force looking at me 503 00:38:41,485 --> 00:38:44,386 I see the air force looking at me 504 00:38:47,458 --> 00:38:53,192 I told you guys, I am not a soldier. I'm an actress. I am America's Sweetheart. 505 00:38:53,931 --> 00:38:56,866 Right now you're America's pain in the ass. 506 00:39:08,813 --> 00:39:12,510 Valentine. Valentine! 507 00:39:21,659 --> 00:39:24,389 - Are you all right? - Thank you, Sergeant. 508 00:39:28,232 --> 00:39:32,601 Hey, that whole yelling thing, that's just a part of the job, right? 509 00:39:32,670 --> 00:39:36,367 I mean, you're not like that at home or anything, are you? 510 00:39:51,856 --> 00:39:53,050 I don't do heights. 511 00:39:53,124 --> 00:39:56,287 Yeah, okay, if I'm gonna be up that high, I'm gonna need to be on something. 512 00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:59,193 - Where's Hamamori? - Hey. Medicinal purposes. 513 00:39:59,263 --> 00:40:03,461 Okay, guys, this is fine. We just take step by step. Level by level. 514 00:40:03,534 --> 00:40:05,832 - We can do this. - We can work as a team. 515 00:40:05,903 --> 00:40:08,201 The point is to get to the top, not to talk around the bottom. 516 00:40:08,272 --> 00:40:10,604 Let's go, Valentine. Move! 517 00:40:10,674 --> 00:40:14,007 - All right, let's go, princess. - Get there. Good job. 518 00:40:17,114 --> 00:40:22,984 - Valentine. I swear... I swear to God. - Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. 519 00:40:29,427 --> 00:40:34,091 - That was fun. - Yeah, for you. Your ass was in my face. 520 00:40:42,540 --> 00:40:44,440 Disgraceful, Castillo. 521 00:40:46,310 --> 00:40:50,041 I so wish I was in a gang right now so I could... I could shank her. 522 00:40:50,114 --> 00:40:53,481 There's something about her that's so familiar to me. 523 00:40:54,652 --> 00:40:59,749 My heart is beating outside my chest. Castillo, you're the doctor. Put it back in. 524 00:41:00,925 --> 00:41:03,894 - You're a doctor? - Are you talking to me? 525 00:41:03,961 --> 00:41:05,258 - Is she talking to me? - Castillo. 526 00:41:05,329 --> 00:41:08,264 No, no, no. She can't afford medical school. That's why she's here. 527 00:41:08,332 --> 00:41:10,562 Military's gonna help her pay. 528 00:41:16,340 --> 00:41:20,470 So is that why you're here, Petrovich? To go to college? 529 00:41:21,245 --> 00:41:24,009 No. My brother Paul died serving in Afghanistan. 530 00:41:24,081 --> 00:41:26,914 I'm here for him. I wanna make him proud. 531 00:41:46,303 --> 00:41:47,702 I did that? 532 00:41:52,276 --> 00:41:57,612 Platoon! What is the most important rule of field combat? 533 00:41:57,681 --> 00:41:59,979 Never be without your rifle, First Sergeant! 534 00:42:00,050 --> 00:42:04,350 - What is it? - Never be without your rifle, First Sergeant! 535 00:42:04,421 --> 00:42:05,752 Hollywood! 536 00:42:12,563 --> 00:42:16,055 - I will never be without my rifle. - I will never be without my rifle. 537 00:42:16,133 --> 00:42:19,000 - You will what? - I will never be without my rifle. 538 00:42:19,069 --> 00:42:22,038 - I can't hear you. - I will never be without my rifle. 539 00:42:22,106 --> 00:42:24,939 - Little bit louder. - I will never be without my rifle. 540 00:42:25,009 --> 00:42:27,477 - There you go. - I can't. I can't... 541 00:42:29,413 --> 00:42:33,509 You're a disgrace, Valentine. Get up! 542 00:42:36,720 --> 00:42:40,486 You mark my words. You will let these people down. 543 00:42:41,525 --> 00:42:45,086 Private Valentine, you're dismissed. Move out! 544 00:42:47,798 --> 00:42:52,428 You will all do 10 more minutes to make up for Valentine's failure. 545 00:42:55,105 --> 00:42:58,700 - Can I ask you something, Valentine? - Lf you promise not to yell it. 546 00:42:58,776 --> 00:43:03,145 You have the kind of success that other people can only dream about. 547 00:43:03,213 --> 00:43:08,617 But you approach everything you do like you're gonna fail. I don't get that. 548 00:43:08,686 --> 00:43:14,147 - I'm not you and I'm not your grandmother. - It's just a figure of speech. 549 00:43:14,224 --> 00:43:17,853 My grandmother lives in a retirement home down in Florida. 550 00:43:19,229 --> 00:43:22,460 And the truth is I almost didn't make it through Basic. 551 00:43:22,533 --> 00:43:25,832 When your dad's a General, you stick out a little. 552 00:43:25,903 --> 00:43:30,203 Actually, a lot. It becomes a sport. Who can break the General's kid? 553 00:43:30,274 --> 00:43:32,469 But you made it. Good for you. 554 00:43:32,543 --> 00:43:35,307 It's been this sergeant's experience that every soldier that makes it through 555 00:43:35,412 --> 00:43:37,607 ends up finding they have much more inside themselves 556 00:43:37,681 --> 00:43:39,080 than they ever thought possible. 557 00:43:39,149 --> 00:43:41,583 - You think that's true for me? - No. 558 00:43:43,354 --> 00:43:46,118 Yes. I do. 559 00:43:46,190 --> 00:43:48,715 I will never be without my rifle. 560 00:43:48,792 --> 00:43:51,556 I will never be without my rifle. 561 00:43:51,629 --> 00:43:54,598 I will never be without my rifle. 562 00:43:54,665 --> 00:43:56,326 I will never be without my rifle. 563 00:43:56,400 --> 00:44:00,200 - I can't hear you. You what? - I will never be without my rifle. 564 00:44:02,172 --> 00:44:03,867 I will never be without my rifle. 565 00:44:03,941 --> 00:44:07,206 - I need it a little bit louder. - I will never be without my rifle. 566 00:44:07,277 --> 00:44:11,236 Private Valentine. You were dismissed. 567 00:44:11,315 --> 00:44:15,183 First Sergeant, dismissed decided to not let her platoon down. 568 00:44:18,622 --> 00:44:22,217 - You owe me one, Valentine. - Yes, First Sergeant. 569 00:44:23,394 --> 00:44:26,830 - I will never be without my rifle. - I will never be without my rifle. 570 00:44:26,897 --> 00:44:29,695 - One more time. - I will never be without my rifle. 571 00:44:29,767 --> 00:44:30,756 You what? 572 00:44:31,235 --> 00:44:32,668 - Twenty-four. - Twenty-five. 573 00:44:32,736 --> 00:44:34,761 - Twenty-six. - Twenty-seven. 574 00:44:39,076 --> 00:44:40,543 Twenty-eight. 575 00:44:48,819 --> 00:44:50,878 I'm adjusting your strike. 576 00:45:07,104 --> 00:45:10,335 - Don't hurt yourself, Valentine. - Okay. You're driving me crazy. 577 00:45:10,407 --> 00:45:12,534 - Move over. This goes over... - No, no. Castillo. 578 00:45:12,609 --> 00:45:14,975 Castillo, I can do it on my own. 579 00:45:17,181 --> 00:45:21,311 - Nice to see you relaxing, Jeter. - 298, 299... 580 00:45:24,021 --> 00:45:30,153 - Just finished 300 Kegels, First Sergeant. - Kegels? 300? 581 00:45:31,762 --> 00:45:36,893 - Well, then by all means, at ease, Private. - Shake it off. Shake it off. 582 00:45:39,536 --> 00:45:41,834 Aside from Jeter, 583 00:45:41,905 --> 00:45:46,433 this is the worst excuse for a platoon these gorgeous eyes have ever seen. 584 00:45:50,013 --> 00:45:51,878 What the hell is that? 585 00:45:57,721 --> 00:45:59,484 Whose rifle is this? 586 00:46:01,492 --> 00:46:03,551 It's mine, First Sergeant. 587 00:46:06,430 --> 00:46:10,526 Hollywood, what is your rifle doing out of the rack? 588 00:46:11,602 --> 00:46:14,867 Rifle wanted to cuddle, First Sergeant. We made up. 589 00:46:15,706 --> 00:46:20,200 Getting cute again, Valentine? Well, let me tell you what I think is cute. 590 00:46:20,844 --> 00:46:27,477 You on the floor with a toothbrush scrubbing down the filthy latrine. 591 00:46:28,252 --> 00:46:32,086 That'll be one clean, mean, fighting latrine, First Sergeant. 592 00:46:33,557 --> 00:46:35,047 It better be. 593 00:46:43,801 --> 00:46:45,666 Why did you do that? 594 00:46:45,736 --> 00:46:48,000 I can't stand it when she treats you like that. 595 00:46:48,071 --> 00:46:50,096 I know. I can't help it. 596 00:46:50,174 --> 00:46:53,143 Something happens and I just freeze. I don't know what to do. 597 00:46:53,210 --> 00:46:57,044 Who's the toughest, meanest, craziest person you can think of? 598 00:46:58,348 --> 00:47:00,043 - Joe Pesci? - Perfect. 599 00:47:00,117 --> 00:47:03,678 So next time she comes up to you like that, all you have to do is channel Pesci. 600 00:47:03,754 --> 00:47:04,743 - You wanna try it? - Yeah. 601 00:47:04,822 --> 00:47:05,948 Okay. 602 00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:14,288 Baby girl, you gonna cry? Huh? You gonna cry? You gonna cry? 603 00:47:14,364 --> 00:47:18,562 No, no, no. Don't cry. Don't cry. You're not supposed to cry. 604 00:47:18,635 --> 00:47:21,729 - What would Pesci do? - I don't know. 605 00:47:22,906 --> 00:47:25,067 This is what Pesci would do. 606 00:47:29,479 --> 00:47:32,937 Do I look like a fricking clown to you? Do I amuse you? 607 00:47:34,518 --> 00:47:36,645 - Try it. - Okay. 608 00:47:39,356 --> 00:47:41,916 Do I look like a clown to you? Do I amuse you? 609 00:47:41,992 --> 00:47:43,983 What are you laughing at? 610 00:47:44,494 --> 00:47:49,625 You'll get it. Just keep practicing. Ladies, I have a latrine to clean. 611 00:47:50,834 --> 00:47:52,825 What are you looking at? 612 00:48:00,277 --> 00:48:03,576 - That was cool what you did for Petrovich. - Thanks. 613 00:48:04,982 --> 00:48:09,078 - Hey, Johnson, can I ask you something? - Do I have a choice? 614 00:48:09,186 --> 00:48:13,646 - You really couldn't get a job? - I can get a job, just not a good one. 615 00:48:13,724 --> 00:48:17,057 Technology is changing every day and I need to go back to school 616 00:48:17,127 --> 00:48:21,086 and, of course, I can't afford it. Times are tough. 617 00:48:21,164 --> 00:48:26,227 But the military's gonna give me a job, train me in my field. 618 00:48:27,037 --> 00:48:30,768 And, damn it, I will make a better life for me and my daughter. 619 00:48:30,841 --> 00:48:32,103 Daughter? 620 00:48:33,710 --> 00:48:34,836 Yeah. 621 00:48:37,881 --> 00:48:42,341 My family really helped me out after her father died. All this is for her. 622 00:48:42,419 --> 00:48:46,480 I have a niece about the same age. I don't really know her, though. 623 00:48:47,624 --> 00:48:51,583 My sister and I kind of drifted apart when my whole acting career started. 624 00:48:51,662 --> 00:48:54,392 It's like we live in different worlds now, you know. 625 00:48:54,464 --> 00:48:57,228 Family's too important to let it slip away, Valentine. 626 00:48:57,301 --> 00:49:01,362 If I can get away just once just to be with my daughter, I'd jump on it. 627 00:49:01,438 --> 00:49:04,305 'Cause in the end, they're all you've got. 628 00:49:08,545 --> 00:49:09,534 Why are you being like this? 629 00:49:09,613 --> 00:49:11,706 You know that they just give us a 10-minute card. 630 00:49:11,782 --> 00:49:13,875 Ray. Ray? 631 00:49:20,524 --> 00:49:23,049 - You all right? - Yeah, I'm fine. 632 00:49:24,127 --> 00:49:25,389 Come on. 633 00:49:27,831 --> 00:49:30,356 It's just my stupid boyfriend, Ray. 634 00:49:31,335 --> 00:49:35,362 He knows that I'm here for med school. Yet, every time I talk to him, 635 00:49:35,439 --> 00:49:38,135 he keeps telling me that he doesn't know if he could wait 636 00:49:38,241 --> 00:49:41,836 and how all these hot girls are hitting on him all the time. 637 00:49:41,912 --> 00:49:43,812 At least they're girls. 638 00:49:44,681 --> 00:49:46,080 Never mind. 639 00:49:46,817 --> 00:49:51,083 Listen, Castillo. You need to take a good look at yourself in the mirror. 640 00:49:51,154 --> 00:49:53,884 You're hot. And medical school, to boot? 641 00:49:54,891 --> 00:49:59,385 If he wants all of this, he needs to straighten up and fly right. 642 00:50:00,197 --> 00:50:01,824 Here. Take mine. 643 00:50:04,034 --> 00:50:07,231 Call Ray and tell him that he's lucky to have you. 644 00:50:08,839 --> 00:50:10,329 'Cause he is. 645 00:50:24,721 --> 00:50:26,052 "Dear Delores. 646 00:50:26,123 --> 00:50:29,490 "Let me start by saying thank you for the great job you do. 647 00:50:29,559 --> 00:50:33,325 "I never realized how hard it is taking care of me. 648 00:50:33,397 --> 00:50:35,490 "If you wouldn't mind, I would love some help 649 00:50:35,565 --> 00:50:39,763 "with a little investigating. Can you google Louisa Morley?" 650 00:50:40,337 --> 00:50:44,797 Here you go. Johnson. Two for you, sweetheart. 651 00:50:45,575 --> 00:50:49,170 Petrovich. One for you, baby girl. 652 00:50:49,246 --> 00:50:51,578 And Valentine. 653 00:50:54,918 --> 00:50:57,648 - Fan mail. - Take it to the contraband room. 654 00:51:01,324 --> 00:51:02,848 Castillo. 655 00:51:06,997 --> 00:51:09,522 - Sorry, Jeter. - That's okay. 656 00:51:09,599 --> 00:51:10,964 - Next time. - Sure, sure. 657 00:51:16,306 --> 00:51:18,536 - There she is. It's her. - There she is. She's over here. 658 00:51:18,608 --> 00:51:22,339 - Megan. - Look at this nonsense. 659 00:51:22,412 --> 00:51:24,004 What's going on? 660 00:51:25,082 --> 00:51:28,643 I am. I'm surprised it took them this long. 661 00:51:40,630 --> 00:51:42,530 Joe Kidd, paparazzo. 662 00:51:42,599 --> 00:51:44,965 You ever have a little something you wanna share, 663 00:51:45,035 --> 00:51:48,402 or any information about Miss Valentine, you call me. 664 00:51:51,541 --> 00:51:54,135 I think I just threw up in my mouth. 665 00:51:54,211 --> 00:51:57,271 - That's for personal use. - Worm. Move out. 666 00:51:57,347 --> 00:52:00,043 The platoon is becoming a sideshow, Captain. 667 00:52:00,117 --> 00:52:01,948 It's unacceptable. 668 00:52:02,018 --> 00:52:06,387 This sideshow is getting the Army some of the best publicity it has had in years. 669 00:52:06,456 --> 00:52:10,688 She doesn't belong here, Captain. The girl smiles when she salutes. 670 00:52:10,760 --> 00:52:13,092 She's affecting morale. 671 00:52:13,163 --> 00:52:17,566 I'll attend training tomorrow and make that determination for myself. 672 00:52:17,634 --> 00:52:18,692 Sir. 673 00:52:21,171 --> 00:52:23,139 Let's go, Valentine. I wanna see you go up and over. 674 00:52:23,206 --> 00:52:25,037 Hit the ground, Valentine. Hit the ground. 675 00:52:25,108 --> 00:52:27,406 That's right, girls. Get front. Let's see you go. 676 00:52:27,477 --> 00:52:30,878 Come on. Don't give up now, Valentine. Go. Move, move, move. 677 00:52:30,947 --> 00:52:31,936 Keep going. 678 00:52:39,189 --> 00:52:41,589 Up and over, up and over. Nice work. 679 00:52:44,794 --> 00:52:48,662 Come on, soldier. Come on, soldier. Come on, soldier. 680 00:52:55,438 --> 00:52:57,531 Jeter's four packs ahead of you, Valentine. 681 00:52:57,607 --> 00:53:00,201 You gonna let her win? Now, let's move. Get up that pole. 682 00:53:00,277 --> 00:53:02,370 I got this. 683 00:53:02,445 --> 00:53:04,936 - You can do it. - Come on, Valentine. 684 00:53:05,015 --> 00:53:06,346 Oh, my gosh. 685 00:53:09,252 --> 00:53:10,776 - Oh, my gosh. - Good job. 686 00:53:12,355 --> 00:53:13,788 Come on, go! 687 00:53:13,890 --> 00:53:15,721 I mean, she's really good. 688 00:53:19,729 --> 00:53:22,664 - Good job! - Oh, my God. 689 00:53:22,899 --> 00:53:25,265 We got this, soldier. 690 00:53:25,335 --> 00:53:27,860 Oh, no. Is she taking all four? 691 00:53:27,938 --> 00:53:30,099 - Valentine. - She got all four bags. 692 00:53:30,173 --> 00:53:32,300 We're going to win. 693 00:53:33,410 --> 00:53:34,672 Oh, my God. 694 00:53:42,519 --> 00:53:43,611 Damn. 695 00:53:43,687 --> 00:53:47,987 It doesn't look like Private Valentine is upsetting morale, does it? 696 00:53:50,794 --> 00:53:51,954 No, sir. 697 00:53:58,768 --> 00:54:01,601 How on Earth did you do that, Private Valentine? 698 00:54:01,671 --> 00:54:06,506 This private's first film role was that of a stripper with a heart of gold, sir. 699 00:54:08,511 --> 00:54:10,411 Nice work, Private Valentine. 700 00:54:11,948 --> 00:54:13,176 Thanks. 701 00:54:17,654 --> 00:54:18,814 Carry on. 702 00:54:20,257 --> 00:54:23,124 Guess if I were a whore, I could have carried more. 703 00:54:23,193 --> 00:54:24,421 Loser. 704 00:54:45,115 --> 00:54:46,605 Playboy mansion. 705 00:54:46,683 --> 00:54:47,980 You wish. 706 00:54:48,351 --> 00:54:51,149 I got that information for you. 707 00:54:52,055 --> 00:54:54,489 Did you see Morley's face when you came off that pole? 708 00:54:54,557 --> 00:54:55,751 She was like... 709 00:54:58,962 --> 00:55:00,691 You made it look so easy, too. 710 00:55:00,764 --> 00:55:04,461 Easy? I trained with the girls from Body Shots in LA for three weeks, 711 00:55:04,534 --> 00:55:06,593 and trust me, ladies, that is a workout. 712 00:55:07,837 --> 00:55:10,305 You wanna know what my favorite movie of yours is, Valentine? 713 00:55:10,373 --> 00:55:11,897 It's the one where you play the disco queen, 714 00:55:11,975 --> 00:55:15,411 and you're traveling through time searching for your magical disco ball. 715 00:55:15,478 --> 00:55:18,936 That's funny. And the dance sequence in the end was so good. 716 00:55:19,015 --> 00:55:21,643 I have the soundtrack. Will you teach me? 717 00:55:22,052 --> 00:55:26,182 I can't. I'm shy. Let's go. 718 00:55:30,727 --> 00:55:32,627 - Wait a minute. - No way. 719 00:55:34,564 --> 00:55:35,553 Ready? 720 00:55:40,603 --> 00:55:42,161 Okay, I have to try this. 721 00:55:43,873 --> 00:55:45,670 Oh, yeah. 722 00:55:45,742 --> 00:55:48,142 - Come on, Johnson. - I don't dance. 723 00:55:48,978 --> 00:55:50,468 How can you not dance? 724 00:55:50,547 --> 00:55:52,742 Because I'm black, I'm supposed to know how to dance? 725 00:55:52,816 --> 00:55:56,013 Yeah. Come on, you know you wanna spank it. 726 00:55:56,086 --> 00:55:57,417 Now, what is this? 727 00:56:04,894 --> 00:56:08,557 Now, why wasn't I invited? I love to dance, too. 728 00:56:11,868 --> 00:56:15,929 This is contraband and it's illegal. So, congratulations, Hollywood. 729 00:56:16,005 --> 00:56:20,772 You just won a three-mile run for you, and all your backup dancers. 730 00:56:25,148 --> 00:56:28,174 What's the matter? You can't hack it? 731 00:56:31,488 --> 00:56:33,922 You gonna cry, baby girl? 732 00:56:33,990 --> 00:56:35,480 You gonna cry? 733 00:56:36,159 --> 00:56:39,458 Do I look like I'm gonna cry to you, First Sergeant? 734 00:56:42,899 --> 00:56:44,093 I guess not. 735 00:56:45,702 --> 00:56:48,136 Sergeant Bivens, fall them out. 736 00:56:54,210 --> 00:56:56,508 I can't seem to do a thing right 737 00:56:56,579 --> 00:56:58,945 I can't seem to do a thing right 738 00:56:59,015 --> 00:57:01,074 Screw it up with all my might 739 00:57:01,151 --> 00:57:03,312 Screw it up with all my might 740 00:57:03,386 --> 00:57:07,823 - Made my platoon mates have to pay - Made my platoon mates have to pay 741 00:57:07,891 --> 00:57:12,487 - For all my pampered princess ways - For all my pampered princess ways 742 00:57:12,562 --> 00:57:14,553 - I'm a... - I'm a... 743 00:57:14,631 --> 00:57:16,326 - Screw up - Screw up 744 00:57:26,976 --> 00:57:29,604 Jiminy Cricket! Stop grinding your damn teeth. 745 00:57:29,679 --> 00:57:32,307 Petrovich, did you just cuss? 746 00:57:32,382 --> 00:57:35,078 - I'm a little emotional. - You're PMSing. 747 00:57:35,518 --> 00:57:36,610 Me, too. 748 00:57:36,686 --> 00:57:39,484 I'd make love to a fudge sundae right now. 749 00:57:39,556 --> 00:57:42,821 I would slap around a jar of peanut butter. 750 00:57:42,892 --> 00:57:44,587 Well, I don't know if I'd have rough sex with it, 751 00:57:44,661 --> 00:57:46,026 but I sure do miss chocolate. 752 00:57:46,095 --> 00:57:48,290 I know where we can get some grade-A chocolate. 753 00:57:50,133 --> 00:57:51,395 Where? 754 00:57:53,770 --> 00:57:54,998 Stop it. 755 00:58:33,276 --> 00:58:34,971 If he barks, we're toast. 756 00:58:42,285 --> 00:58:44,116 How did you know to do that? 757 00:58:45,021 --> 00:58:48,752 Gotta get something out of doing a talking dog movie, right? 758 00:58:50,059 --> 00:58:52,084 - Come on, ladies. - Good boy. 759 00:58:54,097 --> 00:58:55,428 Nasty. 760 00:59:01,004 --> 00:59:03,097 - I have the best fans. - Yes, you do. 761 00:59:26,696 --> 00:59:27,924 Busted. 762 00:59:39,242 --> 00:59:42,678 So you're all going down for this? 763 00:59:55,558 --> 00:59:56,923 No, you... 764 01:00:29,325 --> 01:00:31,156 That never happened. 765 01:00:36,799 --> 01:00:37,959 How cute. 766 01:00:38,034 --> 01:00:41,367 "Hi, Megan. When I grow up, I wanna be an actress, just like you." 767 01:00:41,437 --> 01:00:42,802 You gotta listen to this one. 768 01:00:42,872 --> 01:00:46,740 "When sometimes I'm alone all by myself at night in my cell..." 769 01:00:47,410 --> 01:00:48,638 Let's just say most of my fans 770 01:00:48,711 --> 01:00:51,544 are pretty much in high school or correctional facilities. 771 01:00:51,614 --> 01:00:54,276 It must be great, though, having people write you letters? 772 01:00:54,350 --> 01:00:58,582 Yeah, I guess. To most people, what I do is just fluff. 773 01:00:58,655 --> 01:01:00,782 Well, I'm most people and I love your movies. 774 01:01:00,857 --> 01:01:02,791 Okay, the movie where you played that heiress 775 01:01:02,859 --> 01:01:05,123 that went to the ghetto school to try to fit in. 776 01:01:05,194 --> 01:01:10,063 And you were like, "Like, oh, my God. What's up? What's up? What's up?" 777 01:01:11,701 --> 01:01:14,431 - But what you do is funny. - It's not reality. 778 01:01:14,504 --> 01:01:17,098 In reality, you would not have made it out of that school alive. 779 01:01:17,173 --> 01:01:19,607 - No. - And if I wanted reality, 780 01:01:19,676 --> 01:01:21,473 I would stay home and look at my ass in the mirror. 781 01:01:21,544 --> 01:01:25,275 - When I go to a movie, I wanna laugh. - Maybe you're right. 782 01:01:25,348 --> 01:01:28,511 Okay, so, Megan, I mean, cough it up. 783 01:01:28,584 --> 01:01:32,076 You have everything anyone could ever possibly want. 784 01:01:32,155 --> 01:01:34,123 Why are you really here? 785 01:01:35,358 --> 01:01:40,557 My manager, Nigel, he found me when I pretty much had nothing. 786 01:01:40,630 --> 01:01:44,430 And he told me what to wear, what to say, how to act. 787 01:01:45,268 --> 01:01:49,705 Pretty much made me a star. He was like a father to me, really. 788 01:01:51,374 --> 01:01:55,105 - Did he die? - No, he slept with my boyfriend. 789 01:01:56,045 --> 01:01:57,979 Damn. 790 01:01:58,047 --> 01:02:00,481 My cousin Barry stole all of my money. 791 01:02:00,550 --> 01:02:03,178 So, I'm broke. 792 01:02:04,387 --> 01:02:06,321 - Wow. - Ouch. 793 01:02:06,389 --> 01:02:07,913 It's a good thing. 794 01:02:07,990 --> 01:02:10,959 For the first time in my life, I'm my own person. 795 01:02:12,195 --> 01:02:13,628 And I have real friends. 796 01:02:16,265 --> 01:02:18,859 - You really mean that? - I promise. 797 01:02:22,004 --> 01:02:25,804 - Okay. - Okay. Let's open another one. 798 01:02:25,875 --> 01:02:28,173 This one is from Delores Bagoni. 799 01:02:28,244 --> 01:02:29,973 That's my personal assistant. 800 01:02:35,218 --> 01:02:38,949 "Megan, thank you for realizing how hard it is to take care of you. 801 01:02:39,021 --> 01:02:41,649 "Sometimes, I want to slit my wrists." 802 01:02:41,724 --> 01:02:43,316 God. 803 01:02:43,392 --> 01:02:47,624 "I did a little investigating like you asked. I hope this is what you are looking for." 804 01:02:51,801 --> 01:02:53,735 Thank you, Delores. 805 01:03:01,978 --> 01:03:04,708 You're now entering the final stages of training. 806 01:03:09,986 --> 01:03:14,582 At the end of next week, you will compete in a 24-hour tactical field exercise 807 01:03:14,657 --> 01:03:18,218 that will employ everything you've learned during Basic. 808 01:03:18,294 --> 01:03:22,788 What you're about to see is a video that highlights what you've been taught. 809 01:03:22,865 --> 01:03:27,802 What you review here is crucial to your success. Good luck. 810 01:03:31,774 --> 01:03:33,867 I love you, too, Chuck, 811 01:03:33,943 --> 01:03:38,004 and I wanted to show you just how much. 812 01:03:38,080 --> 01:03:40,378 And I wanted to give myself to you, 813 01:03:40,449 --> 01:03:42,940 especially with the giant worm invasion and all. 814 01:03:43,019 --> 01:03:46,216 - Sergeant Morley, what is this? - Give me that remote. 815 01:03:46,289 --> 01:03:48,757 - I love you. - Need it now. 816 01:03:48,825 --> 01:03:50,554 - I wanna give it to you. - I want it now. 817 01:03:50,626 --> 01:03:53,686 - Yeah. I wanna give it to you like that. - Make me a woman, Chuck. 818 01:03:53,763 --> 01:03:56,231 That's all of me. You're my woman now. 819 01:03:56,299 --> 01:03:58,096 Give me that. 820 01:03:58,167 --> 01:03:59,896 I feel like a man. Like a big man. 821 01:04:02,138 --> 01:04:03,503 Did you know? Did you have something to do with this? 822 01:04:03,573 --> 01:04:05,336 I swear to God, I had nothing to do with this. 823 01:04:07,844 --> 01:04:10,836 Turn it off. Turn it... Stop it, stop. 824 01:04:15,318 --> 01:04:16,808 What the hell? 825 01:04:17,720 --> 01:04:19,051 Wow. 826 01:04:21,791 --> 01:04:22,917 How did you know about Morley, Valentine? 827 01:04:22,992 --> 01:04:23,981 Yeah. 828 01:04:24,060 --> 01:04:28,656 I knew there was something familiar about Morley from the first time I saw her. 829 01:04:28,764 --> 01:04:32,200 A little snooping around from Delores, and what do we get? 830 01:04:32,935 --> 01:04:34,835 "Make me a woman, Chuck." 831 01:04:39,175 --> 01:04:40,938 Hey, Hamamori, what's up? 832 01:04:43,346 --> 01:04:45,746 This. This is what's up. 833 01:04:46,749 --> 01:04:47,875 "According to her representatives, 834 01:04:47,950 --> 01:04:51,477 "America's Sweetheart is deep undercover researching her next role, 835 01:04:51,554 --> 01:04:53,784 "comically making her way through Basic Training. 836 01:04:53,856 --> 01:04:56,154 "An inside source tells us the sheltered A-lister 837 01:04:56,225 --> 01:04:58,716 "has struggled to adjust as she finds herself surrounded by 838 01:04:58,794 --> 01:05:05,029 "what she describes as trailer trash, gang chicks and drug dealers." 839 01:05:06,535 --> 01:05:09,368 - Is that what you think of us? - Of course not. 840 01:05:09,438 --> 01:05:12,339 - Did you really say these things? - No. 841 01:05:13,376 --> 01:05:14,673 No? 842 01:05:15,645 --> 01:05:18,876 Yes, but it's not how it sounds. 843 01:05:18,948 --> 01:05:22,543 Megan, I'm here trying to make something of myself. 844 01:05:22,618 --> 01:05:25,519 And you go off and you call me a gangbanger? 845 01:05:25,588 --> 01:05:26,646 Thanks a lot. 846 01:05:26,722 --> 01:05:30,715 You know, I may not like Jeter, but at least she is who she is. 847 01:05:30,793 --> 01:05:33,694 - She isn't a fake. - I changed my mind. 848 01:05:33,763 --> 01:05:35,355 You are a good actress. 849 01:05:35,431 --> 01:05:38,195 - You said we were friends. - We are. 850 01:05:38,267 --> 01:05:39,825 I really believed you. 851 01:05:39,902 --> 01:05:41,961 I really thought that you got your heart broken, 852 01:05:42,038 --> 01:05:44,268 and your bank account emptied. 853 01:05:44,340 --> 01:05:47,673 But no, this whole time you were just here to prepare for a stupid movie role. 854 01:05:47,743 --> 01:05:50,234 - That is not true. - Save it for your manager. 855 01:05:50,313 --> 01:05:54,477 That's right. He's with your boyfriend right now. 856 01:05:55,484 --> 01:05:59,682 Well, you said it best right here, Valentine. "I don't belong with these people." 857 01:06:01,290 --> 01:06:05,727 Private Valentine, report to the Captain's office. 858 01:06:05,795 --> 01:06:07,092 On the double. 859 01:06:16,539 --> 01:06:19,406 You're sprung, kid. How's that for an agent? 860 01:06:19,475 --> 01:06:20,499 What do you mean? 861 01:06:20,576 --> 01:06:22,976 We uncovered discrepancies in your contract. 862 01:06:23,045 --> 01:06:27,175 Apparently, Sergeant First Class Harrison, now Private First Class Harrison, 863 01:06:27,249 --> 01:06:30,685 in the recruiting office, forwent a few crucial steps. 864 01:06:31,687 --> 01:06:35,248 You were supposed to take a physical and an aptitude test. 865 01:06:35,324 --> 01:06:37,155 You don't have either one. 866 01:06:37,226 --> 01:06:39,626 Bottom line, you're free to go. 867 01:06:39,695 --> 01:06:42,994 And get this. They caught Barry in Amsterdam. 868 01:06:43,065 --> 01:06:45,829 He's already given up information on two offshore accounts. 869 01:06:45,901 --> 01:06:50,600 So, it looks like you are going to get your money back. 870 01:06:51,941 --> 01:06:53,670 And you get to keep your house. 871 01:06:56,345 --> 01:06:57,471 Megan. 872 01:06:59,715 --> 01:07:01,376 We were so worried about you. 873 01:07:01,450 --> 01:07:03,611 Are you okay? Oh, my God, you don't look okay. 874 01:07:03,686 --> 01:07:05,654 Okay, here, have a seat. 875 01:07:06,756 --> 01:07:09,589 - Sidney, what about the... - Do not worry. 876 01:07:09,658 --> 01:07:11,421 Sidney is taking care of everything. 877 01:07:11,494 --> 01:07:14,793 I told the press you were preparing for Rupert & Alice Join the Army. 878 01:07:14,864 --> 01:07:15,853 They're eating it up. 879 01:07:15,931 --> 01:07:18,126 All you have to worry about is looking pretty 880 01:07:18,200 --> 01:07:23,968 and "How I got my army abs" in People magazine. Cover. 881 01:07:24,540 --> 01:07:27,941 - Yes, People magazine. - Oh, my God, how cool. 882 01:07:29,245 --> 01:07:33,238 Yes, yes, yes. No, no, no. No, no. That's not what Megan wants. 883 01:07:33,315 --> 01:07:36,876 No, no, no, no, no. Let me tell you what Megan wants. 884 01:07:36,952 --> 01:07:38,442 - Twenty-four. - Twenty-five. 885 01:07:38,521 --> 01:07:40,546 - Twenty-six. - Twenty-seven. 886 01:07:41,357 --> 01:07:43,882 We're all waiting on you, Valentine. 887 01:07:44,693 --> 01:07:46,320 You didn't hear? 888 01:07:47,096 --> 01:07:49,997 Private Valentine took a voluntary discharge. 889 01:07:51,167 --> 01:07:52,896 I didn't think she'd quit. 890 01:08:07,183 --> 01:08:10,380 - You gonna be all right? - Yeah, of course. 891 01:08:10,453 --> 01:08:13,013 - Yeah? - Promise. 892 01:08:13,089 --> 01:08:15,489 - Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then. - Okay. 893 01:08:15,558 --> 01:08:18,823 - Okay. Sleep well. - Good night. 894 01:08:18,894 --> 01:08:20,521 Good night, darling. 895 01:09:21,423 --> 01:09:24,051 Peek-a-boo. Peek-a-boo, did you miss me? 896 01:09:29,465 --> 01:09:31,592 Miss Valentine. 897 01:09:51,487 --> 01:09:53,614 Well, why can't I get a reservation then? 898 01:09:53,689 --> 01:09:56,556 Lemon, cayenne pepper, and maple syrup. 899 01:09:56,625 --> 01:09:59,492 I tell you, it just cleans you right out. 900 01:09:59,562 --> 01:10:02,725 Well, if you want a real workout, you've gotta try Kundalini yoga. 901 01:10:05,801 --> 01:10:07,462 First things first. 902 01:10:08,871 --> 01:10:10,099 Amber, 903 01:10:11,574 --> 01:10:13,508 - you're fired. - What? 904 01:10:13,576 --> 01:10:16,807 You can kiss my ass goodbye. 905 01:10:23,052 --> 01:10:26,078 - I really didn't wanna work for you anyway. - Good for you. 906 01:10:26,155 --> 01:10:28,521 You should have done that years ago. I'm almost positive she's the one 907 01:10:28,591 --> 01:10:30,889 who put up those nipple shots of you on YouTube. 908 01:10:30,960 --> 01:10:33,861 - She is such a little phony. - A phony? 909 01:10:33,929 --> 01:10:36,693 I think I see a phony sitting right in front of me. 910 01:10:36,765 --> 01:10:38,392 You are so fired. 911 01:10:39,034 --> 01:10:41,332 You've gotta be kidding me. Megan, what would you do without me? 912 01:10:41,403 --> 01:10:44,201 I would wear what I want and I would date straight men. 913 01:10:44,273 --> 01:10:45,570 What I did I do? 914 01:10:45,641 --> 01:10:50,078 - You screwed my boyfriend. - So? I didn't love him. 915 01:10:50,145 --> 01:10:51,669 Nigel, get out. 916 01:10:52,448 --> 01:10:55,940 Fine. You know, I was gonna dump you this week anyway, 917 01:10:56,018 --> 01:10:57,508 so I guess it all just worked out fine. 918 01:10:57,586 --> 01:11:00,578 Hey, Britney, how are you? How are the kids? 919 01:11:00,656 --> 01:11:03,181 I'm good. I was just thinking about you. 920 01:11:03,259 --> 01:11:05,193 - Morris. - Yes. 921 01:11:05,928 --> 01:11:08,396 I want you to hire me a new accountant, 922 01:11:08,464 --> 01:11:10,557 and I wanna sign off on every single check, 923 01:11:10,633 --> 01:11:12,794 and I wanna know all the money that goes out. 924 01:11:12,868 --> 01:11:14,267 Okay. 925 01:11:15,738 --> 01:11:17,433 Sidney, 926 01:11:17,506 --> 01:11:22,205 from this very moment, I decide what film role I take, 927 01:11:22,278 --> 01:11:24,007 I decide what interview I do, 928 01:11:24,079 --> 01:11:27,446 I decide who I want to be and I decide who I date. 929 01:11:28,784 --> 01:11:30,979 Well, unless he's really hot. 930 01:11:32,721 --> 01:11:34,814 I'm not crazy or anything. 931 01:11:35,958 --> 01:11:38,552 - Am I fired? - No. 932 01:11:43,465 --> 01:11:44,989 Are we clear? 933 01:11:46,235 --> 01:11:47,600 I said, are we clear? 934 01:11:47,670 --> 01:11:50,503 Yes, absolutely. Of course. Of course. Of course. 935 01:11:50,572 --> 01:11:52,733 Good. As you were. 936 01:11:55,010 --> 01:11:57,774 I'll see you guys next week, okay? 937 01:11:57,846 --> 01:11:59,473 Where are you going? 938 01:12:00,649 --> 01:12:02,241 To finish what I started. 939 01:12:05,754 --> 01:12:10,214 Your final field training exercise is a test of all the skills you have learned. 940 01:12:10,326 --> 01:12:15,093 This will also be a timed test of endurance and how you work as a team. 941 01:12:15,164 --> 01:12:16,631 Your squad... 942 01:12:18,167 --> 01:12:20,965 Well, if it isn't Miss Grace. 943 01:12:27,876 --> 01:12:30,037 Welcome back, Hollywood. 944 01:12:30,112 --> 01:12:34,947 As I was saying, your platoon will be divided into squads of five. 945 01:12:35,017 --> 01:12:37,713 I will appoint a leader for each squad. 946 01:12:37,786 --> 01:12:41,313 You will be given a map, coordinates, and a compass. 947 01:12:41,390 --> 01:12:43,290 You will not be given any food. 948 01:12:43,359 --> 01:12:44,792 You will be given MREs. 949 01:12:44,860 --> 01:12:48,227 That's Meals Ready-to-Eat stashed along your route. 950 01:12:48,297 --> 01:12:49,559 Now, if you don't find them, 951 01:12:49,631 --> 01:12:52,327 or somebody steals them, then you don't eat. 952 01:12:52,401 --> 01:12:58,033 Your squad's objective is to locate a wounded soldier, represented by a dummy. 953 01:12:58,807 --> 01:13:00,604 You must then transport him 954 01:13:00,676 --> 01:13:04,874 to the Emergency Field Hospital located in our Urban Warfare Center. 955 01:13:04,947 --> 01:13:08,610 You will be in full combat mode until you get there. 956 01:13:08,684 --> 01:13:11,016 An aggressor team will be trying to stop you. 957 01:13:12,054 --> 01:13:16,753 They are some of the meanest, toughest, baddest graduates we have. 958 01:13:20,062 --> 01:13:23,589 They are all awaiting Ranger training and can't wait to capture you. 959 01:13:24,800 --> 01:13:28,861 Now, if what can only be called dumb luck, 960 01:13:28,937 --> 01:13:31,371 and you happen to capture one of them, 961 01:13:31,440 --> 01:13:34,238 your squad gets one hour deducted from your time. 962 01:13:34,309 --> 01:13:35,799 Don't get happy. 963 01:13:35,878 --> 01:13:39,712 This has never happened before, platoon. So don't count on it. 964 01:13:39,782 --> 01:13:44,082 Any team not crossing the finish line within 24 hours, 965 01:13:44,153 --> 01:13:46,781 must repeat the full exercise. 966 01:13:48,290 --> 01:13:50,520 Squad leaders are 967 01:13:50,592 --> 01:13:52,924 Jeter, Gableson, 968 01:13:54,630 --> 01:13:57,497 Young, and Valentine. 969 01:14:04,740 --> 01:14:07,641 Hey, Johnson, you, me, Castillo and Petrovich are on the Blue Team. 970 01:14:07,709 --> 01:14:09,677 Great. Guess who our leader is? 971 01:14:09,745 --> 01:14:12,179 You guys ready to save some dummy's ass? 972 01:14:12,247 --> 01:14:14,579 We're not worried about you, Valentine. 973 01:14:21,623 --> 01:14:23,750 - Congratulations. - For what? 974 01:14:24,626 --> 01:14:26,856 Coming back. Finish what you started. 975 01:14:26,929 --> 01:14:29,727 - Thank you, Sergeant. - And you got me as your land grader. 976 01:14:29,798 --> 01:14:32,232 Sweet. What does that mean? 977 01:14:32,968 --> 01:14:34,663 It means I'll be coming along with your team. 978 01:14:34,736 --> 01:14:37,864 Strictly as an observer and a safety net, every step along the way. 979 01:14:37,940 --> 01:14:39,965 And I can't help you. 980 01:14:40,042 --> 01:14:41,600 You already have, Sergeant. 981 01:14:42,678 --> 01:14:45,044 It's good to have you back, Valentine. 982 01:14:45,113 --> 01:14:47,411 It's good to be back, Sergeant. 983 01:15:00,496 --> 01:15:01,793 Hey, Jeter. 984 01:15:03,565 --> 01:15:05,726 Good luck out there. 985 01:15:05,801 --> 01:15:09,066 Precision, skill, plus an iron will doesn't need luck, movie star. 986 01:15:09,137 --> 01:15:10,468 I forgot. 987 01:15:11,773 --> 01:15:13,138 May the best team win. 988 01:15:13,208 --> 01:15:18,475 Don't you have a mani-pedi or spray tan appointment you need to get to? 989 01:15:19,314 --> 01:15:20,508 Actually, 990 01:15:20,582 --> 01:15:22,914 I canceled them just to come back and challenge you. 991 01:15:23,519 --> 01:15:25,077 You must be Scary Spice. 992 01:15:26,355 --> 01:15:31,292 I got three words for you. Honor, pride and integrity. 993 01:15:34,263 --> 01:15:35,821 Well, I've got 994 01:15:37,533 --> 01:15:39,626 five words for you. 995 01:15:39,701 --> 01:15:43,000 You need to get laid. 996 01:15:47,776 --> 01:15:48,970 - Yeah. - Yeah. 997 01:15:49,044 --> 01:15:51,444 You're going down, Army Barbie. 998 01:15:55,984 --> 01:16:01,422 Due to circumstances I can control, I won't be making this journey with you. 999 01:16:01,490 --> 01:16:05,358 Five, four, three, two, one. 1000 01:16:05,427 --> 01:16:06,689 Move out. 1001 01:16:09,798 --> 01:16:11,663 Wait for me, I'm coming. 1002 01:16:11,733 --> 01:16:14,327 Well, it looks like we're suffering for Valentine yet again. 1003 01:16:14,403 --> 01:16:15,597 Yeah, it looks that way. 1004 01:16:15,671 --> 01:16:19,107 - Come on, I came back, didn't I? - Don't do us any favors, Valentine. 1005 01:16:20,442 --> 01:16:24,037 Like it or not, I'm your team leader and I have something to say. 1006 01:16:24,112 --> 01:16:27,343 Yes, I screwed up, but you have to give me another chance. 1007 01:16:27,416 --> 01:16:31,352 Why? Because, Johnson, you wanna go home and see your little girl. 1008 01:16:31,420 --> 01:16:35,618 Castillo, if you don't go home soon, your boyfriend's gonna cheat on you. 1009 01:16:35,691 --> 01:16:39,422 And, Hamamori, weed doesn't grow on its own. 1010 01:16:39,494 --> 01:16:43,328 Petrovich? I wanna do this for your brother as much as you do. 1011 01:16:44,967 --> 01:16:47,765 So what do you say? Are we gonna do this? 1012 01:16:49,204 --> 01:16:50,831 Is the speech over? 1013 01:16:50,906 --> 01:16:53,704 Damn, you girls are tough. Now, move out. 1014 01:16:56,645 --> 01:16:57,942 Good try. 1015 01:17:02,317 --> 01:17:03,944 Would you look at this? 1016 01:17:06,121 --> 01:17:09,852 Looks like little blonde Riding Hood bought us lunch. 1017 01:17:09,925 --> 01:17:12,587 Anybody hungry? Help yourselves. 1018 01:17:12,661 --> 01:17:14,424 I'm not your Sherpa. 1019 01:17:16,231 --> 01:17:19,029 You can all split mine, 1020 01:17:19,101 --> 01:17:22,628 'cause I'm already full on determination and pride. 1021 01:17:24,473 --> 01:17:25,838 Double time. 1022 01:17:30,512 --> 01:17:32,503 I think my compass is broken. 1023 01:17:32,581 --> 01:17:34,640 You got that right. Give me that. 1024 01:17:35,517 --> 01:17:37,849 First of all, it's backwards. 1025 01:17:37,919 --> 01:17:39,386 Where the heck are we? 1026 01:17:40,255 --> 01:17:42,917 This doesn't make any sense. Valentine, let me see that map. 1027 01:17:42,991 --> 01:17:45,186 - I'm starving, guys. - Me, too. 1028 01:17:47,429 --> 01:17:49,693 I could have sworn I put it in here. 1029 01:17:49,765 --> 01:17:53,201 So help me God, Valentine, if you don't have that map... 1030 01:17:55,237 --> 01:17:57,705 - It's gone. - You're kidding, right? 1031 01:17:57,773 --> 01:18:00,503 - I told you she'd screw up. - Of course she screwed up. 1032 01:18:00,575 --> 01:18:03,100 She's a self-absorbed prima donna who only cares about herself. 1033 01:18:03,178 --> 01:18:05,669 Well, you don't have to be so mean, Castillo. She came back. 1034 01:18:05,747 --> 01:18:07,612 Please, are you speaking for the entire fan club? 1035 01:18:07,683 --> 01:18:08,707 Don't make her cry, Castillo. 1036 01:18:08,784 --> 01:18:10,217 I'm not gonna cry. I'm gonna kick your ass. 1037 01:18:10,285 --> 01:18:12,651 - Okay. Well, bring it on, cry baby. - I'm not gonna... 1038 01:18:13,755 --> 01:18:15,484 Hey! Take it easy. 1039 01:18:18,794 --> 01:18:21,820 Enough. Enough! 1040 01:18:21,897 --> 01:18:24,627 If we're gonna make it through this, we gotta work as a team. 1041 01:18:24,700 --> 01:18:29,569 Hamamori, you're the one who always has your hand up in those navigation classes. 1042 01:18:29,638 --> 01:18:31,071 Help us out. 1043 01:18:31,139 --> 01:18:35,599 I mean, we might be able to get to the first navigation point using dead reckoning. 1044 01:18:38,880 --> 01:18:41,906 Everybody got a full belly? Good. 1045 01:18:43,985 --> 01:18:47,182 Fitzsimmons, you're on first shift guard duty. 1046 01:18:47,255 --> 01:18:49,018 Berky. You're next. 1047 01:18:50,692 --> 01:18:53,183 Everyone gonna turn in real early 1048 01:18:53,261 --> 01:18:57,425 because my team leaves before first light. 1049 01:19:01,136 --> 01:19:04,833 We're gonna get this wounded soldier to the hospital first. 1050 01:19:05,607 --> 01:19:06,699 Why? 1051 01:19:07,409 --> 01:19:12,176 Because he's got a family at home worried sick that he's not coming back. 1052 01:19:15,350 --> 01:19:19,480 And the last thing his wife is thinking is that he's cheating on her 1053 01:19:19,554 --> 01:19:22,045 with the girl from Circuit City with the fake tits 1054 01:19:22,124 --> 01:19:26,720 who sold her the plasma TV screen that she bought for him for his birthday! 1055 01:19:36,571 --> 01:19:37,936 Lights out. 1056 01:19:39,074 --> 01:19:40,439 Here we go. 1057 01:19:42,511 --> 01:19:43,500 Jeter. 1058 01:19:43,578 --> 01:19:46,706 I'm starving. And I don't do bugs. 1059 01:19:46,782 --> 01:19:50,741 What I would give for a burrito con pollo right now. 1060 01:19:50,819 --> 01:19:54,255 I'd do a Number 5 with a super scoop of curly fries. 1061 01:19:54,322 --> 01:19:56,415 You guys and your love for processed foods. 1062 01:19:56,491 --> 01:19:59,722 - We should be living off of the land. - I can't eat land. 1063 01:19:59,795 --> 01:20:01,660 Petrovich, you brought the mosquito netting, right? 1064 01:20:01,730 --> 01:20:02,754 Yeah. 1065 01:20:02,831 --> 01:20:06,790 Who's read the book, One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish? 1066 01:20:06,868 --> 01:20:09,029 Well, if you haven't, you should. It's a good book. 1067 01:20:09,104 --> 01:20:11,072 Anyway, when my dad read it to me, 1068 01:20:11,139 --> 01:20:15,405 he also told me that when you pee-pee in the water, it attracts fish. 1069 01:20:16,511 --> 01:20:18,342 That's disturbing. 1070 01:20:18,413 --> 01:20:19,937 Who's gotta go? 1071 01:20:25,787 --> 01:20:27,687 Come on, you can do it. 1072 01:20:31,760 --> 01:20:33,853 Okay, top or bottom? 1073 01:20:33,929 --> 01:20:35,157 - Top. - Top. 1074 01:20:35,230 --> 01:20:36,492 Fish fry? 1075 01:20:39,067 --> 01:20:40,830 Okay, Castillo, start the fire. 1076 01:20:40,902 --> 01:20:43,666 - I don't have any matches. - Anyone? 1077 01:20:47,542 --> 01:20:50,306 - Hey. - You're the best sergeant ever. 1078 01:20:50,378 --> 01:20:52,869 But if you use them, you'll be disqualified. 1079 01:20:52,948 --> 01:20:54,779 And then we're gonna have to do this all over again. 1080 01:20:54,850 --> 01:20:56,579 Yeah, but, guys, we still gotta eat. 1081 01:20:56,651 --> 01:20:59,245 Okay. It'll be a little bland, but... 1082 01:21:01,890 --> 01:21:03,448 Sashimi anyone? 1083 01:21:04,759 --> 01:21:06,556 This is great. 1084 01:21:06,628 --> 01:21:09,893 - And who's gonna make fun of me now? - Soy sauce? 1085 01:21:11,132 --> 01:21:12,724 Oh, yeah. What's up? 1086 01:21:12,801 --> 01:21:14,928 - What's up? What's up? - Girlfriend loves soy sauce. 1087 01:21:17,839 --> 01:21:20,933 This is so good. But aren't we gonna be hungry again, like, in half an hour. 1088 01:21:21,009 --> 01:21:23,671 That's Chinese. And no offense taken. 1089 01:21:24,880 --> 01:21:26,404 I am so tired, you guys. 1090 01:21:26,481 --> 01:21:28,073 We should have found our soldier already. 1091 01:21:28,149 --> 01:21:30,208 I bet you Jeter has hers ball-gagged by now. 1092 01:21:30,285 --> 01:21:33,652 We gotta be, like, three hours behind everybody else, right? 1093 01:21:33,722 --> 01:21:35,690 Yeah, we're gonna have to haul ass at daylight. 1094 01:21:35,757 --> 01:21:40,091 - So we should probably turn it in? - Yeah. 1095 01:21:40,161 --> 01:21:42,891 - Hamamori, first watch? I'll clean up. - You got it. 1096 01:21:42,964 --> 01:21:43,953 Thanks. 1097 01:21:54,643 --> 01:21:58,636 - A little help here? - You're doing okay on your own, Valentine. 1098 01:22:05,987 --> 01:22:07,352 How much further? 1099 01:22:07,422 --> 01:22:09,322 We're close. I know it. 1100 01:22:17,832 --> 01:22:20,494 - There it is! - Finally. 1101 01:22:20,568 --> 01:22:21,933 We should call him Bernie. 1102 01:22:22,003 --> 01:22:24,494 Have you seen that movie? Weekend at Bernie's? I love that movie. 1103 01:22:24,572 --> 01:22:26,062 I'll rent it. Let's do this, guys. 1104 01:22:26,141 --> 01:22:28,701 We have about two hours to get Bernie to the hospital. 1105 01:22:28,777 --> 01:22:31,371 If we follow these coordinates, it's at least a five-hour hike. 1106 01:22:31,446 --> 01:22:33,437 Then we'll never make it. 1107 01:22:35,517 --> 01:22:39,248 - Maybe we can hitch a ride. - That would disqualify you. 1108 01:22:39,321 --> 01:22:43,189 - Can we talk to a civilian? - As long as you don't touch them. 1109 01:22:48,363 --> 01:22:51,491 Hot damn! Megan Valentine. 1110 01:22:51,566 --> 01:22:53,898 Hey, I just seen that Rupert & Me. 1111 01:22:53,969 --> 01:22:55,300 You owe me eight bucks. 1112 01:22:55,370 --> 01:22:56,564 You do a sequel, 1113 01:22:56,638 --> 01:22:59,630 little less dog, little more doggie style, you know what I'm saying? 1114 01:22:59,708 --> 01:23:02,973 Good note. Could you do something for me? 1115 01:23:03,044 --> 01:23:05,274 Hot damn, girl. 1116 01:23:05,347 --> 01:23:07,315 Would you press that button right there? 1117 01:23:07,382 --> 01:23:11,716 - What, that little button right there? - That little button right there. 1118 01:23:12,354 --> 01:23:15,414 - GuideStart. How can I help you? - I need some direction. 1119 01:23:15,490 --> 01:23:16,787 Where do you need to go? 1120 01:23:16,858 --> 01:23:19,622 I gotta get this guy Bernie to the Urban Warfare Center. 1121 01:23:19,694 --> 01:23:21,662 Well, hello, Miss Valentine. 1122 01:23:21,730 --> 01:23:24,563 Mr. Start? Hi. How are you? 1123 01:23:24,632 --> 01:23:29,228 - Pleasant and helpful. How are you? - I'm good. But I'm lost. 1124 01:23:29,304 --> 01:23:32,432 Are you referring to the Urban Warfare Center at Fort Jackson? 1125 01:23:32,507 --> 01:23:35,067 Yeah. That one. What's the quickest way to get there? 1126 01:23:35,143 --> 01:23:37,941 You'll have to double back and go to the Interstate. 1127 01:23:38,013 --> 01:23:39,571 Is there a quicker way to get there? 1128 01:23:46,021 --> 01:23:48,319 It's one mile straight through. 1129 01:23:49,457 --> 01:23:54,087 - Okay. Army time. Are we tough enough? - Yes. 1130 01:23:54,162 --> 01:23:56,460 - Are we brave enough? - Yes. 1131 01:23:56,531 --> 01:23:59,466 - Are we ready to kick some ass? - Yes. 1132 01:23:59,534 --> 01:24:03,197 - I think I'm gonna throw up. - You're in the right place for that. Let's go! 1133 01:24:03,271 --> 01:24:05,000 Are we dumb enough? 1134 01:24:27,862 --> 01:24:31,662 Enemy aggressor at 12 o'clock. Divert to side entrance. 1135 01:26:08,396 --> 01:26:10,125 Oh, man. Jeter. 1136 01:26:10,899 --> 01:26:12,332 They've won. 1137 01:26:17,038 --> 01:26:19,666 Not yet. We get an hour off per ranger. 1138 01:26:52,907 --> 01:26:54,465 Peek-a-boo. 1139 01:27:04,219 --> 01:27:06,710 Congratulations, Private Jeter. 1140 01:27:06,788 --> 01:27:11,191 You not only won the challenge but you also won the overnight pass. 1141 01:27:11,259 --> 01:27:14,524 You can pass that pass right on over here. 1142 01:27:14,629 --> 01:27:15,789 I don't believe it. 1143 01:27:15,863 --> 01:27:19,196 By my count, we have beat the Red Team by an hour and a half. 1144 01:27:20,702 --> 01:27:22,465 But you can't count. 1145 01:27:25,139 --> 01:27:26,731 She can't count. 1146 01:27:27,208 --> 01:27:28,675 Sorry, Jeter. 1147 01:27:30,712 --> 01:27:33,704 - Congratulations, Valentine. - She can't count. 1148 01:27:36,818 --> 01:27:37,944 Yes! 1149 01:27:39,654 --> 01:27:41,383 - Awesome! - That's what I'm talking about. 1150 01:27:42,257 --> 01:27:44,122 That's what I'm talking about. 1151 01:27:46,294 --> 01:27:48,285 - Come on. - Oh, yeah. 1152 01:27:50,565 --> 01:27:54,023 Who won? We won. We won. 1153 01:27:57,205 --> 01:27:59,298 When each of you arrived here, 1154 01:27:59,374 --> 01:28:04,038 you were unshaped, unsure, but full of potential. 1155 01:28:05,346 --> 01:28:07,473 You've been through the fire. 1156 01:28:07,582 --> 01:28:11,916 You've come out stronger. Stronger than you ever imagined. 1157 01:28:13,588 --> 01:28:16,648 You're now a soldier in the United States Army. 1158 01:28:18,559 --> 01:28:22,290 Congratulations, Petrovich. Your brother would be proud. 1159 01:28:23,264 --> 01:28:24,856 Thank you, sir. 1160 01:28:26,934 --> 01:28:28,959 - Job well done. - Yes, sir. 1161 01:28:31,973 --> 01:28:34,407 - Congratulations. - Thank you, sir. 1162 01:28:37,245 --> 01:28:40,874 - Johnson, good for you. - Thank you, sir. 1163 01:28:43,384 --> 01:28:45,045 Private Valentine. 1164 01:28:48,056 --> 01:28:51,548 - I knew you had it in you. - That's so sweet. Thank you. 1165 01:28:53,761 --> 01:28:55,126 Good job. 1166 01:29:08,443 --> 01:29:10,934 I can't believe you're leaving right after graduation. 1167 01:29:11,012 --> 01:29:12,411 Me either. 1168 01:29:12,480 --> 01:29:14,675 But that's the deal I made with Captain Greer. 1169 01:29:14,749 --> 01:29:19,083 He'd let me finish Basic Training, then I'd go be with the USO for a year. 1170 01:29:19,153 --> 01:29:21,383 Sidney's gonna kill me. 1171 01:29:21,456 --> 01:29:25,153 - We're gonna miss you. - I'm gonna miss you guys. 1172 01:29:25,259 --> 01:29:29,457 But there's strong, and then there's Army strong. 1173 01:29:31,766 --> 01:29:33,427 Pass and review. 1174 01:29:33,501 --> 01:29:38,461 Forward march! Step, step, step. 1175 01:29:43,177 --> 01:29:44,701 Eyes, right! 1176 01:30:01,796 --> 01:30:04,856 Basic is over. You may now greet your families. 1177 01:30:47,675 --> 01:30:48,937 You jerk. 1178 01:31:08,029 --> 01:31:10,964 Hey! Hey, you guys. 1179 01:31:11,032 --> 01:31:15,230 - Thank you so much for coming. - Well, thanks for inviting us. 1180 01:31:15,303 --> 01:31:18,898 All those letters that you wrote meant so much to the kids. 1181 01:31:18,973 --> 01:31:20,372 They meant a lot to me, too. 1182 01:31:20,441 --> 01:31:23,171 Jinny, I know it's hard being my sister sometimes. 1183 01:31:23,244 --> 01:31:25,109 And I have a lot of making up to do. 1184 01:31:25,179 --> 01:31:28,876 But I want you to know that my priorities are different now. 1185 01:31:28,950 --> 01:31:32,113 - I really miss you. - I miss you, too. 1186 01:31:35,790 --> 01:31:38,054 - Look at you. - Excuse me. 1187 01:31:39,460 --> 01:31:40,654 Hi. 1188 01:31:42,597 --> 01:31:48,593 - I just wanted to say, well done, Private. - Thank you, Private. 1189 01:31:49,170 --> 01:31:52,628 - You deserve those stripes back. - I know. 1190 01:31:53,374 --> 01:31:55,706 And that comment that I made the other day? 1191 01:31:55,776 --> 01:31:59,007 About me needing to get laid? I will. 1192 01:32:00,281 --> 01:32:02,408 Jeter, can I hug you? 1193 01:32:04,418 --> 01:32:05,510 No. 1194 01:32:06,521 --> 01:32:08,853 That personal space is reserved. 1195 01:32:18,933 --> 01:32:21,697 - Get back on that horse, girl. - Okay. 1196 01:32:40,821 --> 01:32:42,914 - Private Valentine. - Hey. 1197 01:32:44,225 --> 01:32:45,988 It was impressive what you did out there. 1198 01:32:46,060 --> 01:32:47,994 It was the whole platoon. We did it together. 1199 01:32:48,062 --> 01:32:52,021 No, I mean, coming back and finishing. That took guts, Private. 1200 01:32:53,568 --> 01:32:56,469 Thank you. That means a lot coming from you. 1201 01:33:00,341 --> 01:33:04,334 - USO, huh? - Yeah. And you? 1202 01:33:04,445 --> 01:33:07,937 - Back to screaming about your grandma? - No. 1203 01:33:08,849 --> 01:33:12,512 This is my last cycle here. I ship off next week for Iraq. 1204 01:33:12,587 --> 01:33:14,555 - Wow. - Tell me about it. 1205 01:33:17,825 --> 01:33:21,818 So, does this mean you're not my sergeant anymore? 1206 01:33:23,397 --> 01:33:24,830 No, I'm not. 1207 01:33:28,302 --> 01:33:31,294 Well, I better get going. Everybody's waiting. 1208 01:34:08,643 --> 01:34:10,008 Hey, Evans. 1209 01:34:14,515 --> 01:34:16,244 I expect that back. 1210 01:34:22,323 --> 01:34:23,415 Hey!