0 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:20,000 1 00:00:53,740 --> 00:00:55,460 (LOAN MOANING) 2 00:00:55,908 --> 00:00:57,119 (KELLY CRIES OUT) 3 00:00:57,576 --> 00:00:59,129 (LAUGH) 4 00:00:59,202 --> 00:01:01,705 KELLY: Hurry up, hurry up! < br /> KEITH: It's as fast as I can go. 5 00:01:01,788 --> 00:01:04,268 KELLY: slower, slower! KEITH: Sooner or later ?? Make your mind. 6 00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:05,672 KELLY: Oh. No, it's not there. No! 7 00:01:05,749 --> 00:01:06,792 (EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) 8 00:01:06,875 --> 00:01:08,268 KEITH: Oh, sorry
I don't mean to put it there. 9 00:01:08,292 --> 00:01:09,603 They are so close, right? 10 00:01:09,627 --> 00:01:10,718 (KELLY WHIMPERS) 11 00:01:10,794 --> 00:01:12,063 KEITH: just lie on your back Behind you . 12 00:01:12,087 --> 00:01:13,130 Good. 13 00:01:13,213 --> 00:01:14,719 (MANY MOANING) 14 00:01:16,090 --> 00:01:17,300 (BOTH CRY OUT) 15 00:01:17,382 --> 00:01:19,193 - KEITH: I will blow me nuts! /> - (KELLY SCREAMING) 16 00:01:19,217 --> 00:01:21,186 Wahey! 17 00:01:24,930 --> 00:01:29,069 (SIGHS LOUDLY) Thank you for allowing me seagull your beautiful bangers 18 00:01:32,143 --> 00:01:35,986 The icing on the cake. That's beautiful. 19 00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:37,654 (SIGHS) 20 00:01:38,231 --> 00:01:40,070 (BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY) 21 00:01:41,525 --> 00:01:42,699 Keith? 22 00:01:42,776 --> 00:01:43,868 Yes & apos; p> or very handsome... 23 00:01:44,736 --> 00:01:47,998 Yes I know. 24 00:01:48,072 --> 00:01:51,784 That's because I have a good personality, right? 25 00:01:52,658 --> 00:01:54,580 But I'm handsome is the faculty though, innit? 26 00:01:54,702 --> 00:01:55,994 Ooh, yeah. I mean, from of course, this is the faculty. 27 00:01:56,078 --> 00:01:57,513 You know, my knee trembling with lust every time I approach you 28 00:01:57,537 --> 00:01:59,542 Are they & apos;? 29 00:01:59,622 --> 00:02:01,626 You are a type of hunky sex god I've been searching all my life, 30 00:02:01,748 --> 00:02:04,595 A man I always hope I marry. 31 00:02:04,709 --> 00:02:06,096 - honest & apos ;? - OK 32 00:02:06,919 --> 00:02:10,549 - Not really. - Eh? 33 00:02:10,713 --> 00:02:12,033 Pria yang selalu saya harap saya nikahi. 34 00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:13,596 - jujur ​​'? - baiklah 35 00:02:14,716 --> 00:02:16,223 - Tidak juga. - Eh? 36 00:02:16,301 --> 00:02:18,804 Everything I say comes out from your dirty thoughts. 37 00:02:18,886 --> 00:02:21,781 You don't honestly think I'll let you seagull my bangers in real life, right? 38 00:02:21,805 --> 00:02:24,059 - Yeah. - This is a dream. 39 00:02:24,182 --> 00:02:25,937 Your boyfriend is standing there watching over us. 40 00:02:26,058 --> 00:02:27,481 - Hiya, Keith - Rosie! 41 00:02:28,476 --> 00:02:30,579 Oh, it's okay, I don't mind Kelly Brook's wave hitter. 42 00:02:30,603 --> 00:02:32,372 He's one of you "if you can" top three celebrities 43 00:02:32,396 --> 00:02:33,873 - Plus, you will never see him. - He is right. 44 00:02:33,897 --> 00:02:35,238 You will never meet me. 45 00:02:35,315 --> 00:02:37,292 He is right, you know & apos ;? You will never meet him. 46 00:02:37,316 --> 00:02:39,155 It's all just a dream. 47 00:02:39,526 --> 00:02:41,661 British garage sensation Craig David, 48 00:02:42,278 --> 00:02:45,291 - out of my dream - (LAUGH EVILLY) 49 00:02:49,033 --> 00:02:50,207 (GASPS) 50 00:02:50,284 --> 00:02:51,494 (TRAIN HORN BLOWS) 51 00:02:51,577 --> 00:02:53,249 (UK GARAGE TUNE PLAYS ON RADIO) 52 00:02:54,162 --> 00:02:55,289 (FARTS) (SIGHS) 53 00:02:58,624 --> 00:02:59,751 (STOPS MUSIC ) 54 00:03:02,668 --> 00:03:04,424 (BLEEPING RINGTONE) 55 00:03:10,674 --> 00:03:11,718 Hello & apos? 56 00:03:12,009 --> 00:03:14,855 - Hiya, Keith This is Rosie. - Hello? 57 00:03:15,595 --> 00:03:17,979 - I can't hear you - (LAUGHS) Keith ?? This is Rosie. 58 00:03:18,096 --> 00:03:21,109 - I don't have me in. - Keith, what do you do it? 59 00:03:21,182 --> 00:03:23,535 - Just wait for me. - (STATIC) What did you enter? 60 00:03:23,559 --> 00:03:25,119 Fine, that thing entered. Hello, who is that? 61 00:03:25,143 --> 00:03:26,614 This is Rosie. 62 00:03:27,061 --> 00:03:30,240 Rosie, this is Keith. I just dreamed about you. 63 00:03:31,023 --> 00:03:33,157 Ah... is it it's a romantic dream?> 64 00:03:33,399 --> 00:03:35,985 Yes, I see the sea from your bangers. 65 00:03:36,068 --> 00:03:37,195 Aw... 66 00:03:37,944 --> 00:03:39,332 - I love you. - Yes I know. 67 00:03:42,031 --> 00:03:43,323 Say it later. 68 00:03:44,074 --> 00:03:45,794 I am you too 69 00:03:46,701 --> 00:03:47,744 I miss it 70 00:03:47,993 --> 00:03:49,630 I'm back tomorrow. 71 00:03:49,953 --> 00:03:55,634 And, anyway, Rosie, who else can mashed potato sandwiches like you & apos? 72 00:03:57,167 --> 00:03:58,258 Is that good 73 00:03:58,418 --> 00:03:59,461 (COUGHS) 74 00:04:01,337 --> 00:04:03,756 (MUFFLED) I have it for me to breakfast now 75 00:04:03,838 --> 00:04:06,158 This is the best mashed potato sandwich I have had life inside me. 76 00:04:06,799 --> 00:04:11,519 Look, I have to be here t & apos; lnvention thing, right? 77 00:04:11,678 --> 00:04:14,227 This will take Securipole to a higher plateau 78 00:04:14,304 --> 00:04:17,234 This time, Rosie, this is this time. 79 00:04:17,390 --> 00:04:19,858 - So what time do you have to be there & apos ?; - 9:00 80 00:04:22,310 --> 00:04:23,698 And what time is it now? 81 00:04:25,354 --> 00:04:26,481 It's 10:00. 82 00:04:26,772 --> 00:04:27,815 Ass fucked! 83 00:04:27,898 --> 00:04:30,780 I, oh, it's too late! 84 00:04:30,858 --> 00:04:33,575 (FAVORITE SHIRTS [BOY MEETS GIRL] WITH HAIRCUT ONE HUNDREDS TO PLAY) 85 00:05:02,590 --> 00:05:04,345 Bang neat... 86 00:05:14,390 --> 00:05:16,027 Match. 87 00:05:19,728 --> 00:05:23,404 Okay, the reason I have set tonight's company dinner tonight 88 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:27,406 is to tell both of you, in two and a half days from now, 89 00:05:27,483 --> 00:05:29,203 I'm going to t & apos; Big Apple. 90 00:05:29,443 --> 00:05:30,736 New York? 91 00:05:31,278 --> 00:05:33,745 No, other Big Apple, London. 92 00:05:36,282 --> 00:05:38,867 It's time to master Securipole globally. 93 00:05:39,284 --> 00:05:43,624 America, Australia, maybe even Torquay. 94 00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:50,880 Why do you want to go to London now? when we just prepared & apos; / p> 95 00:05:51,793 --> 00:05:54,510 Don't you think we should try and sell a few poles around here first, 96 00:05:54,587 --> 00:05:56,722 and then, you know, grow slowly & apos;? 97 00:05:56,797 --> 00:05:59,893 Rosie , the only it will grow slowly 98 00:06:00,049 --> 00:06:02,813 is a big, fat tallywacker in your mouth 99 00:06:03,218 --> 00:06:05,638 Saat kita membuat cinta yang manis. (LAUGHS) 100 00:06:11,474 --> 00:06:13,064 I always want to go to London, 101 00:06:13,142 --> 00:06:15,478 But I dad said it might be that I would be stabbed 102 00:06:15,644 --> 00:06:16,854 No, that's impossible. 103 00:06:16,936 --> 00:06:18,692 - Or messed up - That won't happen 104 00:06:18,980 --> 00:06:21,483 Or be screwed and stabbed. 105 00:06:21,565 --> 00:06:23,569 - By a terrorist. - That might happen 106 00:06:27,945 --> 00:06:30,744 Dan, Douglas, while I was away, took care of Rosie, 107 00:06:30,822 --> 00:06:33,918 I made you the main person. You will be me 108 00:06:38,953 --> 00:06:41,917 Rosie, don't worry < br /> While I'm down in London, 109 00:06:42,247 --> 00:06:46,718 I won't see another bird, no matter how FAF they are. 110 00:06:48,668 --> 00:06:49,712 "FAF"? 111 00:06:51,045 --> 00:06:53,014 KEITH: Fit as Fuck. 112 00:06:53,588 --> 00:06:56,435 - (MAN WHISTLES) - I will go the ball far above that. 113 00:06:57,216 --> 00:06:59,256 - MAN 1: Phwoar! - MAN 2: Hang out bagian belakang itu. 114 00:06:59,384 --> 00:07:02,563 VOICE: Orders. Are you really honored Gentlemen please calm down? 115 00:07:07,057 --> 00:07:08,231 Taxi! 116 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:23,987 Oi! 117 00:07:24,069 --> 00:07:26,702 Thank thank you so much for allowing me share your black London taxi. 118 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:27,871 It doesn't matter. 119 00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:29,952 I have to say it my favorite Spice Girls. 120 00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:33,083 Ah, I'm sure you said that for all Spice Girls, right? 121 00:07:33,243 --> 00:07:35,164 No, I'm not. I've never met any Spice Girls. 122 00:07:35,244 --> 00:07:36,371 Oh. 123 00:07:36,495 --> 00:07:37,622 Uh... this is me 124 00:07:37,704 --> 00:07:39,849 Oh, don't you pay I'll get this Don't worry about that. 125 00:07:39,873 --> 00:07:41,808 p> 126 00:07:41,832 --> 00:07:43,504 Not every day you meet your favorite Spice Girls, right? 127 00:07:43,584 --> 00:07:44,794 Okay thank you. Applause. 128 00:07:48,587 --> 00:07:50,674 - Ta-ta < br /> - See you later 129 00:07:50,756 --> 00:07:52,066 South Bank, please Oh! 130 00:07:52,090 --> 00:07:53,347 Don't worry. 131 00:07:53,466 --> 00:07:56,728 I have to say my favorite Spice Girls. 132 00:07:57,052 --> 00:07:58,854 I'm sure you said that to all Spice Girls. 133 00:07:58,928 --> 00:08:00,239 No , I've never met the Spice Girls. 134 00:08:00,263 --> 00:08:01,531 Alright, I just met with Baby. 135 00:08:01,555 --> 00:08:04,188 - good Emma. - Yeah, Emma Bunt -on. 136 00:08:04,808 --> 00:08:07,144 So, let me tell you a little about myself. I sell Securipoles. 137 00:08:07,268 --> 00:08:09,771 And say what, because you are a Spice Girl, 138 00:08:09,853 --> 00:08:12,331 I can do many things, I can paste it on your front, 139 00:08:12,355 --> 00:08:14,035 or I can paste it on the back of you. 140 00:08:14,064 --> 00:08:15,357 It's up to you. 141 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:17,501 Oh, do you know what? & apos ?? I think this is where I come out, 142 00:08:17,525 --> 00:08:19,586 - But it's nice to meet you - Nice to meet you. 143 00:08:19,610 --> 00:08:20,879 Yes & apos; Good luck in London and everything. 144 00:08:20,903 --> 00:08:21,946 Thank you. 145 00:08:22,029 --> 00:08:24,993 - Good luck with what you are doing See you later < br /> - See you later 146 00:08:25,198 --> 00:08:28,376 GRUFF SUARA: Taxi! Hold it! 147 00:08:29,909 --> 00:08:34,665 Come on, then, tell me I am your favorite Spice Girl. (LAUGHS) 148 00:08:34,746 --> 00:08:36,390 - (RASPBERRY BLOWS) - You're my favorite Spice Girl 149 00:08:36,414 --> 00:08:41,384 - Thank you, I'll run from here Applause! - DRIVER: Stingy bastard! 150 00:08:41,460 --> 00:08:44,009 - Oh my day Simon Pegg. - Gary Barlow 151 00:08:44,087 --> 00:08:46,886 - Oh, from Boyzone & apos; br /> - You think of Ronan Keating. 152 00:08:46,964 --> 00:08:48,684 No, I'm thinking about Simon Pegg. 153 00:08:48,798 --> 00:08:50,637 Hey, I don't want to go in there. This is spice scary. 154 00:08:50,716 --> 00:08:51,985 He scratched his wine and everything. 155 00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:53,302 This is terrible. It smells bad. 156 00:08:53,385 --> 00:08:54,726 SCORE SPICE: Can you smell it? 157 00:08:54,803 --> 00:08:56,697 - I just kicked out a reet pong! - (TIRES SCREECH) 158 00:08:56,721 --> 00:08:58,192 BARLOW: Fuckin & apos; hell 159 00:08:58,264 --> 00:09:00,185 SCORE SPICE: Oh, you are a shy, Barlow, you. 160 00:09:00,265 --> 00:09:01,439 You are really shy 161 00:09:04,268 --> 00:09:07,649 I am here,
at the Discovery Convention in London, 162 00:09:07,729 --> 00:09:10,528 where the best in the world inventors and entrepreneurs 163 00:09:10,648 --> 00:09:13,744 hope to come with revolutionary ideas 164 00:09:13,817 --> 00:09:15,109 it will change the world. 165 00:09:15,193 --> 00:09:18,786 Like the slogan says, That's where dreams come true. 166 00:09:20,989 --> 00:09:24,001 Excuse me, can you tell me where? The Invention Convention is, please? 167 00:09:24,074 --> 00:09:25,415 There, buddy. 168 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:30,173 WOMEN IN PA: Welcome to the Discovery Convention. 169 00:09:30,246 --> 00:09:32,499 Of course. Good. 170 00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:34,631 (EXHALES) 171 00:09:34,749 --> 00:09:35,959 Let's do it. 172 00:09:36,125 --> 00:09:38,176 WOMEN IN PA: Please close the grass. 173 00:09:44,089 --> 00:09:45,595 (WHIRRING) 174 00:09:52,095 --> 00:09:53,436 So, it removes your nose hair, 175 00:09:53,513 --> 00:09:55,473 but will it be removed hair from your testicles? 176 00:09:55,598 --> 00:09:58,444 Women and men, I give you Waterbot. 177 00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:01,822 I am Waterbot 178 00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:06,774 Feel. 179 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:08,911 WATERBOT: Yes, feel. 180 00:10:13,527 --> 00:10:16,208 - It makes me want... Like, I want... - want... 181 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:17,371 BOTH: dance! 182 00:10:17,447 --> 00:10:19,037 (BOTH GRUNTING) 183 00:10:22,367 --> 00:10:23,469 BOTH: Power grab! Take power 184 00:10:23,493 --> 00:10:24,703 Take power 185 00:10:28,914 --> 00:10:32,128 (Laughter) Oh, shawls bleed. 186 00:10:36,086 --> 00:10:37,473 Ooosh! 187 00:10:37,545 --> 00:10:38,933 (SHOES SQUEAK) 188 00:10:39,005 --> 00:10:40,048 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 189 00:10:40,130 --> 00:10:42,135 (HUSHED) This time is big time this time. 190 00:10:42,215 --> 00:10:44,018 I am Sylvester Stallone. 191 00:10:44,842 --> 00:10:46,432 Human demolition 192 00:10:46,510 --> 00:10:48,182 I can do this. 193 00:10:50,888 --> 00:10:54,234 Women and men, allow me to introduce you 194 00:10:54,308 --> 00:10:59,360 to something that has passed back from the future to the past, 195 00:10:59,436 --> 00:11:02,235 Here until at present, 196 00:11:02,313 --> 00:11:06,239 to protect your automoto vehicles. 197 00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:11,206 Women and men, I gave you Securipole. 198 00:11:15,740 --> 00:11:19,085 Now I will show very fast erection 199 00:11:27,957 --> 00:11:29,001 (WOMEN COUGHS) 200 00:11:30,876 --> 00:11:32,715 Sha-ting! 201 00:11:38,215 --> 00:11:39,258 Now, 202 00:11:39,799 --> 00:11:43,262 who wants a free consultation
without any obligation 203 00:11:43,344 --> 00:11:45,064 in all nations? 204 00:11:46,346 --> 00:11:47,686 Anyone & apos;? 205 00:11:47,764 --> 00:11:49,851 - Yes, sir, do you want brochures? - No. 206 00:11:50,224 --> 00:11:53,604 Some bumph, pamphlets & apos ;? No & apos ;? Good. Have a nice day. 207 00:11:58,230 --> 00:11:59,403 Oh no. 208 00:12:00,148 --> 00:12:02,069 p> I like that! 209 00:12:02,524 --> 00:12:05,074 I like big time. 210 00:12:05,693 --> 00:12:08,907 It's sparkling, neat, compact, simple. 211 00:12:09,363 --> 00:12:12,043 That name is About. Kushvinder About. 212 00:12:12,699 --> 00:12:16,578 Now, Kushvinder, nice to meet you. My name is Keith 213 00:12:16,952 --> 00:12:19,455 50, um, what is your business? What did you change? 214 00:12:22,122 --> 00:12:23,333 What, this is confidential? 215 00:12:23,957 --> 00:12:27,550 I have taken the button from the mobile device 216 00:12:27,626 --> 00:12:30,473 and replaced it without the button . 217 00:12:32,755 --> 00:12:34,012 My friend, 218 00:12:34,131 --> 00:12:36,848 I gave you the first in the world. 219 00:12:36,925 --> 00:12:40,851 Touchy, Screeny, Phone Discovery Type Inventions, 220 00:12:41,136 --> 00:12:43,355 This is called Participation. 221 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,936 Titistipi? 222 00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:46,224 Discipline. 223 00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:48,560 Discipline ?? Pisitist & apos ;? This is called Pisitist & apos ;? 224 00:12:48,975 --> 00:12:51,276 Inserts & apos ?? Discipline & apos;? 225 00:12:51,394 --> 00:12:52,521 Participation. 226 00:12:53,020 --> 00:12:54,872 I can't read Spanish. What said & apos ;? Tips... 227 00:12:54,896 --> 00:12:55,940 Participation. 228 00:12:56,147 --> 00:12:57,701 Piss on titties & apos; 229 00:12:58,524 --> 00:13:00,742 This is my problem 230 00:13:00,817 --> 00:13:04,827 This device is revolutionary, but the name is nonsense. 231 00:13:04,945 --> 00:13:06,203 It's a little nonsense. 232 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:10,538 Nobody wants to buy a bloody phone without a button with bad name. 233 00:13:11,325 --> 00:13:14,172 This is bloody... This cellphone. 234 00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:16,538 What are you doing? 235 00:13:16,704 --> 00:13:19,468 This cellphone is a curse for the rest of my life. 236 00:13:19,790 --> 00:13:22,506 However, as far as I know, 237 00:13:22,583 --> 00:13:27,553 I have never seen the public presentations as captivating as yours 238 00:13:27,629 --> 00:13:28,672 Oh thank you. 239 00:13:29,047 --> 00:13:32,427 And arrogant attitude sounds like a pound. 240 00:13:32,507 --> 00:13:35,769 So, buddy, please, please, 241 00:13:35,843 --> 00:13:37,682 take the phone and do what you will do. 242 00:13:39,304 --> 00:13:42,649 You can give I am 8.2% gross corridor if you make money 243 00:13:43,224 --> 00:13:45,109 But I give up on this product. 244 00:13:45,475 --> 00:13:47,065 So, it's yours, Keith. 245 00:13:47,518 --> 00:13:48,811 (LAUGHS) Apa yang kamu katakan '? 246 00:13:49,645 --> 00:13:51,247 Well, I have my own business, isn't it? Secur... 247 00:13:51,271 --> 00:13:52,824 What do you say & apos?? 248 00:13:52,897 --> 00:13:55,531 - You can't just give all... - What are you saying & apos;? 249 00:13:55,608 --> 00:13:56,818 (SIGHS) 250 00:13:58,735 --> 00:13:59,827 Good. 251 00:14:01,946 --> 00:14:03,452 Ah. I feel free . 252 00:14:03,614 --> 00:14:05,037 How do you turn it on then? 253 00:14:05,907 --> 00:14:09,584 WOMEN IN PA: Attention, this is an announcement for all exhibitors. 254 00:14:10,952 --> 00:14:14,748 Please pack your invention . The show ends. 255 00:14:15,664 --> 00:14:17,052 You tell me. 256 00:14:17,124 --> 00:14:19,128 (SIGHS) 257 00:14:28,507 --> 00:14:30,144 Go global. 258 00:14:32,885 --> 00:14:34,972 (DICKHEAD > BY KATE NASH PLAYING) 259 00:14:35,679 --> 00:14:38,098 ♪ Why are you becoming a dickhead friend? 260 00:14:38,181 --> 00:14:41,312 ♪ You're just a bad situation 261 00:14:41,392 --> 00:14:43,977 ♪ Why are you becoming a dickhead friend? 262 00:14:44,060 --> 00:14:46,278 ♪ Stop being a dickhead ♪ 263 00:14:51,566 --> 00:14:53,405 I hope Rosie is here. 264 00:14:53,651 --> 00:14:55,453 He knows what to do. 265 00:14:57,237 --> 00:14:58,743 All right, I said yes. 266 00:14:58,821 --> 00:15:01,454 You have to try and sell a few poles in Leeds first, 267 00:15:01,531 --> 00:15:03,002 Expand the business slowly. 268 00:15:03,074 --> 00:15:04,794 It won't be fair happened overnight, Keith 269 00:15:05,451 --> 00:15:08,713 Rosie, I need TLC. 270 00:15:08,787 --> 00:15:10,459 Some Whore Lemon Tender . 271 00:15:10,538 --> 00:15:11,665 Come here. 272 00:15:13,749 --> 00:15:15,753 - I miss you. - I miss you. 273 00:15:15,875 --> 00:15:17,796 (ROMANTIC MUSIC SWELLS) 275 00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:28,140 It's very cold , will you hurry & apos? 276 00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:30,721 I will be very fast and that will make me feel much better. 277 00:15:31,470 --> 00:15:33,938 - Good. - thank you 279 00:15:37,850 --> 00:15:38,977 Ooh. 280 00:15:39,142 --> 00:15:41,194 Oh. Use your tongue. Yes. 281 00:15:41,269 --> 00:15:43,439 Simply maneuver your head. Move around. 282 00:15:44,146 --> 00:15:45,818 (MOANING) 283 00:15:49,734 --> 00:15:51,703 I'll tell you what, let's lie down 284 00:15:52,569 --> 00:15:54,159 you are up. 287 00:16:02,201 --> 00:16:03,292 Good, happy. 288 00:16:04,286 --> 00:16:06,753 Spin. Let's do it from behind. 289 00:16:07,705 --> 00:16:10,919 Feel your breasts. (MOANS) 290 00:16:11,541 --> 00:16:13,048 Like a monkey. 291 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:15,715 Dribbling is like a fried egg sandwich. 292 00:16:15,794 --> 00:16:17,714 (ENGLISH ACCOMMODATION) Dirty, bloody Londoner. 293 00:16:17,796 --> 00:16:20,299 Come on, Mother, we going home. 294 00:16:20,590 --> 00:16:22,013 Jesus! 295 00:16:23,675 --> 00:16:26,392 I will be crazy Must be sorry, stress. 296 00:16:27,136 --> 00:16:30,314 What will he say when he knows I have ordered a thousand poles? 297 00:16:30,389 --> 00:16:32,144 (FOG HORN BLOWS) 298 00:16:32,223 --> 00:16:35,853 If it's a thousand, and not two and & apos; alf thousand. 299 00:16:36,476 --> 00:16:40,698 I really messed up if that's the case two and one & apos; alf thousand. 300 00:16:41,438 --> 00:16:42,612 One million columns? 301 00:16:43,648 --> 00:16:45,000 There must be a error with the command 302 00:16:45,024 --> 00:16:47,029 We clearly haven't ordered a million poles. 303 00:16:47,109 --> 00:16:50,537 Well, Mr. Keith Lemon command them, apparently 304 00:16:50,820 --> 00:16:51,994 - Who from & apos; - Uh... 305 00:16:53,197 --> 00:16:56,162 - E. Steve Incorporated - Who is E. Steve? 306 00:16:56,658 --> 00:17:00,619 Steve is evil < br /> He is an evil bastard. 307 00:17:01,536 --> 00:17:04,096 You know Hood-less Harry, aren't you? He has a plumbing business. 308 00:17:04,247 --> 00:17:06,927 He can't make payments on 100 U-bends ordered. 309 00:17:06,999 --> 00:17:09,217 Not a million like what happened here, 310 00:17:09,584 --> 00:17:11,055 only one hundred. 311 00:17:11,919 --> 00:17:14,932 Now, when he can't pay, /> he must pay on the skin. 312 00:17:15,213 --> 00:17:16,423 (MIND) 313 00:17:17,882 --> 00:17:19,269 - Skin? - (SCREAMING) 314 00:17:20,259 --> 00:17:21,931 Aye, foreskin. 315 00:17:22,260 --> 00:17:24,347 Aye, foreskin. 316 00:17:34,811 --> 00:17:35,938 317 00:17:37,688 --> 00:17:40,405 Aye, foreskin. p> 318 00:17:40,482 --> 00:17:41,573 (RACY MUSIC PLAYING) 319 00:17:41,649 --> 00:17:44,413 Hello. 320 00:17:44,485 --> 00:17:45,991 Oh, aye. Does that look like him? 321 00:17:46,111 --> 00:17:48,255 No. Melt it, turn it into... (SHOUTS)... Beyonce! 322 00:17:48,279 --> 00:17:51,624 I don't know why I came to London, I've never sold a Securipole. 323 00:17:51,865 --> 00:17:54,415 The only thing you will sell here, Keith, is your soul 324 00:17:54,492 --> 00:17:55,880 And you will end up in nonsense. 325 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:59,920 Yes, everything is gone tits up. Not you, love You can save it where they are. 326 00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:03,169 I don't even know why you want to move to London in the first place for anyhow. 327 00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,309 They can't even understand us. You can't even order drinks. 328 00:18:05,333 --> 00:18:06,460 Lasts. Go and try. 329 00:18:06,543 --> 00:18:08,345 Excuse me, may I drink Coke? 330 00:18:08,878 --> 00:18:10,265 Do you just call me chicken & apos ?; 331 00:18:10,337 --> 00:18:12,389 No, I said, can I drink a glass of Coke?> 332 00:18:12,505 --> 00:18:14,557 You want me to put my butt on your chicken chicken?? 333 00:18:15,591 --> 00:18:16,932 Fuck it off, you ginger twat. 334 00:18:17,342 --> 00:18:19,928 It's strawberry blonde. I'm a blond strawberry, right? 335 00:18:20,011 --> 00:18:22,478 Let me give a little suggestion which my father gave me 336 00:18:22,554 --> 00:18:24,689 Just before he went to join the circus. 337 00:18:24,973 --> 00:18:26,563 He said, "Never..." 338 00:18:26,641 --> 00:18:27,933 (REDUCING) 339 00:18:31,394 --> 00:18:32,486 Yes. 340 00:18:35,939 --> 00:18:38,525 "animals or other types or livestock." 341 00:18:38,608 --> 00:18:39,699 Fair do it. 342 00:18:39,776 --> 00:18:41,946 If it works well, I will be right behind you. 343 00:18:42,027 --> 00:18:45,657 But if you change, I will tell you that you have changed. 344 00:18:45,738 --> 00:18:47,245 (WITH CURRENT) 345 00:18:50,242 --> 00:18:51,629 All right, Mom 346 00:18:52,285 --> 00:18:54,752 Let's go and have a look in this damn London Eye. 347 00:18:55,537 --> 00:18:58,122 - Ta-ra, Aunt Fanny. - Ta-ra, Keith us 348 00:18:58,206 --> 00:19:01,302 I can't believe that is his real name. This is an American for "donkey." 349 00:19:01,583 --> 00:19:03,060 p> 350 00:19:03,084 --> 00:19:04,674 COURT: Well, I need a signature. 351 00:19:08,088 --> 00:19:09,808 ROSIE: Only idiots will sign it. 352 00:19:10,423 --> 00:19:13,969 I will sign it for you 353 00:19:14,051 --> 00:19:16,767 - what did you use as & apos ;? - Keith Lemon Main person. 354 00:19:18,429 --> 00:19:21,560 As instructed by the main man actually, Keith Lemon. 355 00:19:23,516 --> 00:19:24,690 I can just say, Rosie, that you look neat bang Ooosh! 356 00:19:27,019 --> 00:19:28,608 Why doesn't my pen work & apos;? 357 00:19:28,895 --> 00:19:30,105 It feels like urinating and so on. 358 00:19:30,229 --> 00:19:32,068 It's not a pen. 359 00:19:32,147 --> 00:19:34,366 No, it's a pregnancy test. 360 00:19:34,733 --> 00:19:37,033 Ho-ho! And that's positive. 361 00:19:37,151 --> 00:19:39,203 Congratulations, you make a beautiful couple. 362 00:19:39,278 --> 00:19:41,496 We're not partners. That's not Keith Lemon. 363 00:19:41,613 --> 00:19:42,823 I'm Douglas. 364 00:19:43,072 --> 00:19:44,578 Douglas Orange. 365 00:19:45,991 --> 00:19:48,161 (BLEEPING RINGTONE) 366 00:19:48,243 --> 00:19:49,286 > 367 00:19:49,660 --> 00:19:51,747 Hello & apos? 368 00:19:52,037 --> 00:19:54,124 Hiya, this is Rosie. What are those things? 369 00:19:54,205 --> 00:19:57,052 What's wrong, Rosie? Is everything okay just? 370 00:19:57,124 --> 00:19:59,923 Um... We have a little problem. 371 00:20:00,001 --> 00:20:02,385 What's wrong, Rosie? A different pressure in your voice, what happened? 372 00:20:02,628 --> 00:20:04,715 Have you ordered a few, um... Some poles & apos;? 373 00:20:04,796 --> 00:20:05,840 Yes, I did, I ordered a thousand. 374 00:20:05,964 --> 00:20:08,124 Good job I did too, 375 00:20:08,758 --> 00:20:11,225 Because I already surpassed my pre-sales expectations 376 00:20:12,385 --> 00:20:13,856 - How many noughts in a thousand, Keith? & apos; - Huh? 377 00:20:14,095 --> 00:20:16,680 - How much, Keith & apos ?? - Uh... 378 00:20:17,723 --> 00:20:19,146 Six noughts are one million! 379 00:20:19,224 --> 00:20:22,936 You have ordered a million Securipoles from Evil Steve 380 00:20:23,143 --> 00:20:25,204 Rosie, don't worry because Evil Steve isn't evil . 381 00:20:25,228 --> 00:20:27,039 He is friends with Mick Fairdo and Nice Tariq. 382 00:20:27,063 --> 00:20:29,743 "Fairdo & apos; s Mick"? "Good Tariq"? Who are people these guys & apos; 383 00:20:29,815 --> 00:20:31,902 Why are you doing business with freaks? 384 00:20:32,108 --> 00:20:33,319 Hey, they're not weird. 385 00:20:33,401 --> 00:20:34,824 You want to worry about Strange Paul. 386 00:20:34,944 --> 00:20:37,547 He has donkeys and penis. You don't know where you stand with him. 387 00:20:37,571 --> 00:20:38,828 Keith, this is serious. 388 00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:40,998 With a happier tone, Keith, /> Rosie is pregnant. 389 00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:43,493 - You will be father - (YELLS) Dougie, that's private! 390 00:20:44,075 --> 00:20:45,167 Daddy & apos; 391 00:20:46,702 --> 00:20:48,422 All right, give us bad money, bruv 392 00:20:50,580 --> 00:20:52,700 Permisi, apa yang kamu katakan '? Maaf, saya di t'phone. 393 00:20:52,999 --> 00:20:57,838 I said, "Give your damn money, bruv." 394 00:21:00,296 --> 00:21:01,767 Listen, guys. 395 00:21:01,839 --> 00:21:03,760 (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) 396 00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:05,726 You don't want to do this. 397 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,219 I know about your problems and disputes. 398 00:21:08,343 --> 00:21:09,470 Yes & apos;? 399 00:21:09,553 --> 00:21:14,060 (JAMAICAN ACCENT) Wagwan, bredbin? Bumbinsquat and ting . 400 00:21:14,139 --> 00:21:15,183 I'm one of yours 401 00:21:15,265 --> 00:21:16,937 - One of us & apos ;? - Yes. 402 00:21:17,141 --> 00:21:19,561 Me too, I'm biracial. 403 00:21:19,643 --> 00:21:21,695 You might see that I'm drawing 404 00:21:21,770 --> 00:21:23,442 darker than the average white person. 405 00:21:23,521 --> 00:21:26,403 That's because I'm mam having an affair with Billy Ocean. 406 00:21:29,275 --> 00:21:30,995 Who is Billy Ocean? 407 00:21:31,277 --> 00:21:32,748 You don't know who Billy Ocean is? 408 00:21:33,028 --> 00:21:34,499 Billy Ocean sings... 409 00:21:35,822 --> 00:21:37,459 (BEATBOXING) 410 00:21:39,283 --> 00:21:40,410 Keith? 411 00:21:40,492 --> 00:21:42,378 (BEATBOXING) 412 00:21:43,661 --> 00:21:44,835 Keith? 413 00:21:45,996 --> 00:21:47,556 He sang when The Going Gets Tough. 414 00:21:47,581 --> 00:21:50,379 Keith's father sang it. This is Billy Ocean. 415 00:21:50,708 --> 00:21:51,882 Billy Ocean & apos;? 416 00:21:51,959 --> 00:21:53,002 ♪ Ooh! I want to touch you ♪ 417 00:21:54,210 --> 00:21:55,254 That's you. 418 00:21:55,378 --> 00:21:58,307 ♪ Want to touch you And do the things that you love do 419 00:21:58,380 --> 00:22:00,681 ♪ Because when things get tough 420 00:22:01,466 --> 00:22:02,723 ♪ It's hard to go 421 00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,303 ♪ When things get rough 423 00:22:07,387 --> 00:22:09,771 Be even better if you lower them. That will be muffled 424 00:22:09,847 --> 00:22:13,144 ♪ Hey hey! Hey-hey-hey! Hey! ♪ 425 00:22:13,224 --> 00:22:16,154 (TUTS) What the fuck this is bullshit, man & apos; 426 00:22:16,227 --> 00:22:17,614 ROSIE: Keith, are you there? 427 00:22:18,020 --> 00:22:19,656 - Here I am calling - ROSIE: Keith? 428 00:22:19,729 --> 00:22:20,773 (LINE DISCONNECTS) 429 00:22:20,855 --> 00:22:22,445 The line is dead. 430 00:22:23,065 --> 00:22:26,410 Listen, guys, we can do this in an easy way, 431 00:22:26,526 --> 00:22:28,696 Or we can do it is not an easy way. 432 00:22:28,778 --> 00:22:30,070 That being... 433 00:22:30,154 --> 00:22:31,364 The hard way! 434 00:22:31,696 --> 00:22:33,499 Ooosh! 435 00:22:34,073 --> 00:22:37,038 Come on! I'll kill you, rasclaats! 436 00:22:38,159 --> 00:22:39,417 Then race now, man. 437 00:22:39,494 --> 00:22:40,704 (GRUNTS) 438 00:22:41,412 --> 00:22:42,705 Don't touch my hair, 439 00:22:42,788 --> 00:22:45,428 Because I just had a Brazilian blow dry. It took three hours. 440 00:22:45,623 --> 00:22:46,715 (EXCLAIMS) 441 00:22:47,458 --> 00:22:48,751 (HUMMING) 442 00:22:52,545 --> 00:22:54,680 ♪ I just got robbed I just got robbed 444 00:22:57,507 --> 00:22:59,725 ♪ I came out to count But it won't be long ♪ 445 00:23:00,259 --> 00:23:01,979 Ooosh! Ooosh! 446 00:23:02,052 --> 00:23:06,274 Hello, and welcome to my conscience. 447 00:23:06,597 --> 00:23:08,741 - (AUDIENCE CHEERING WILDLY) - Yes! Thank you, now bring it down. 448 00:23:08,765 --> 00:23:10,023 (AUDIENCE QUIETS DOWN) 449 00:23:10,100 --> 00:23:11,660 - Now, bring it back. - (AUDIENCE CHEERS WILDLY) 450 00:23:11,684 --> 00:23:13,570 Yes! Thank you for coming. 451 00:23:13,644 --> 00:23:17,025 Okay, I'm here to fill the time until I go back around from this snatch 452 00:23:17,147 --> 00:23:19,566 by "yoots" today. 453 00:23:19,940 --> 00:23:21,032 Oh listen. 454 00:23:21,150 --> 00:23:22,502 Get the bad settings, you are a lot, man. 455 00:23:22,526 --> 00:23:23,736 Dirt! 456 00:23:23,902 --> 00:23:27,080 - They took me clothes, little bastards. - (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) 457 00:23:27,404 --> 00:23:28,589 This is a good setting, too, 458 00:23:28,613 --> 00:23:31,661 I have my own from B & HS and C & A and Clockhouse... 459 00:23:32,033 --> 00:23:33,539 Anyway, while we're here, 460 00:23:33,617 --> 00:23:34,719 we might also have a little fun, isn't that right, 461 00:23:34,743 --> 00:23:36,035 so I can connect with you 462 00:23:36,327 --> 00:23:39,340 Let's see if you can guess what what I think here 463 00:23:39,413 --> 00:23:41,334 in my conscience. 464 00:23:41,498 --> 00:23:43,088 Ini bagus, innit? 465 00:23:43,166 --> 00:23:47,554 Okay, you get the time specified and when you start... 466 00:23:47,627 --> 00:23:49,513 now! (HONKS) 467 00:23:49,587 --> 00:23:51,805 That's all, your time is up. So, can you do it right?> 468 00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:55,427 That's right! It's a donkey wall. 469 00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:59,263 There is my favorite, I don't know /> you. I really like that too there. 470 00:23:59,344 --> 00:24:00,555 T; back in. 471 00:24:00,637 --> 00:24:02,865 - (MOBILE CHIMING) - Good. Oh, listen. 472 00:24:02,889 --> 00:24:04,644 - (MOBILE VIBRATES) - KUSHVINDER: You have bloody text. 473 00:24:04,973 --> 00:24:06,951 Just get the text on that funny thing. 474 00:24:06,975 --> 00:24:08,911 (MOBILE CONTINUES CHIMING) 475 00:24:08,935 --> 00:24:09,978 - KUSHVINDER: You have bloody text . - Okay, I'd better go. 476 00:24:10,102 --> 00:24:11,830 Okay, I'm my conscience. 477 00:24:11,854 --> 00:24:13,194 Oke, saya adalah hati nurani saya. 478 00:24:13,271 --> 00:24:15,831 If I don't see you through t & apos; week, I'll see you via t & apos; window. 479 00:24:15,856 --> 00:24:17,363 I'd better go back to my bad self. 480 00:24:17,691 --> 00:24:18,984 Sha- ting! 481 00:24:20,527 --> 00:24:21,795 KUSHVINDER: You have bloody text. 482 00:24:21,819 --> 00:24:23,409 (MOBILE CHIMING) 483 00:24:24,696 --> 00:24:26,716 - KUSHVINDER: You have bloody text. - (MOBILE CHIMES ) 484 00:24:26,740 --> 00:24:28,210 (GROANS) 485 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:31,667 - KUSHVINDER: You have bloody text. - (MOBILE CHIMES) 486 00:24:33,453 --> 00:24:35,540 - KUSHVINDER: You have bloody text. - (MOBILE CHIMES) 487 00:24:36,580 --> 00:24:40,720 "Just been robbed & apos ;? Like bloodstained vagrant?" 488 00:24:41,709 --> 00:24:43,096 (MOBILE CHIMES) 489 00:24:43,168 --> 00:24:45,469 "Then, visit The Fixer." 490 00:24:45,795 --> 00:24:49,388 "It doesn't matter too small, No disaster is too high." 491 00:24:49,882 --> 00:24:50,973 (FAT CHUCKLES) 492 00:24:51,091 --> 00:24:52,301 Poetry. 493 00:24:53,468 --> 00:24:55,223 Then follow Sati-nav. 494 00:24:56,136 --> 00:24:59,350 The Participatory Sati-nav Service operates, isn't that, buddy? 495 00:24:59,555 --> 00:25:01,726 Wake up, destroy yourself 496 00:25:01,807 --> 00:25:05,484 and climb gallantly out threatening the subway 497 00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:07,315 What should I lose? 498 00:25:10,230 --> 00:25:11,653 Oh, I'm a spincter 499 00:25:14,024 --> 00:25:15,365 (GROANS) 500 00:25:15,442 --> 00:25:19,368 I'm glad they didn't take it this shoe. I like these shoes. 501 00:25:21,488 --> 00:25:24,121 KUSHVINDER: Without fear of getting out of the pissy subway. 502 00:25:30,453 --> 00:25:31,746 Straight. 503 00:25:32,580 --> 00:25:34,051 Straighter. 504 00:25:35,665 --> 00:25:36,757 Stop! 505 00:25:36,833 --> 00:25:38,043 (CROWS CAWING) 506 00:25:38,334 --> 00:25:41,430 You have reached your bloody destiny, isn't that, buddy? 507 00:25:41,503 --> 00:25:43,757 We get here at the right time, children. 508 00:25:51,802 --> 00:25:53,273 (DOOR CREAKS) 509 00:25:57,848 --> 00:26:00,778 KUSHVINDER: Now we go upstairs. Uppityuppity. 510 00:26:01,059 --> 00:26:02,779 (CAWING CONTINUES) 511 00:26:03,394 --> 00:26:05,280 Turn right. 512 00:26:05,521 --> 00:26:07,905 Spooky spooky, don't you, mate? 513 00:26:08,940 --> 00:26:12,071 Don't knock. It's open Good luck, kid 514 00:26:12,192 --> 00:26:13,533 (BERITERIT) 515 00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:19,452 ARCHIMEDES: Listen, G, if this is the next one Fix it doesn't get me back to the club, 516 00:26:19,823 --> 00:26:24,294 then you can cut my cock and fuck me in the holiest of all holes. 517 00:26:24,535 --> 00:26:26,290 Right. I said it. 518 00:26:26,911 --> 00:26:28,204 Bastard 519 00:26:29,955 --> 00:26:31,995 Sit down, Mr. Lemon. I'll be with you in a minute. 520 00:26:33,374 --> 00:26:34,667 Clean yourself up. 521 00:26:36,210 --> 00:26:38,973 (CHUCKLING) Yes, yes, I know. The mustache is very bad. 522 00:26:39,712 --> 00:26:42,013 Who has a mustache lately? 523 00:26:43,090 --> 00:26:45,723 See you soon, I always want to. 524 00:26:49,094 --> 00:26:50,850 Okay, back to business. 525 00:26:54,890 --> 00:26:57,737 Hi, I'm Archimedes. I'm the attacker 526 00:26:59,227 --> 00:27:00,698 Nice to meet you, Keith. 527 00:27:01,353 --> 00:27:03,524 Apa yang terbentang dalam skenario ini? 528 00:27:03,605 --> 00:27:06,534 Um, well, like the text said, I'm The Fixer. 529 00:27:07,483 --> 00:27:09,036 - Fixer? - Yeah. 530 00:27:09,610 --> 00:27:12,456 I found people coming down and out and I try to help them. 531 00:27:13,821 --> 00:27:15,411 Now, before we start, 532 00:27:15,864 --> 00:27:18,200 I only have a few initial questions for you 533 00:27:19,325 --> 00:27:22,539 If you describe your situation in one word, what will happen & apos;? 534 00:27:22,786 --> 00:27:23,829 Oh. 535 00:27:23,912 --> 00:27:29,545 Alright, basically, I always dream become Richard Next Branston. 536 00:27:29,624 --> 00:27:31,047 You know, Branston Pickles. 537 00:27:32,168 --> 00:27:35,844 I want to be a household name with my product, Securipole, 538 00:27:35,921 --> 00:27:39,799 which I deliberately pre -ordered one million from Evil Steve, 539 00:27:39,882 --> 00:27:41,637 That's because I have dyslexia. 540 00:27:42,634 --> 00:27:45,397 And, so far, I've never sold it, so I won't can pay it back, 541 00:27:45,469 --> 00:27:47,155 and he might be cutting my kulupu 542 00:27:47,179 --> 00:27:48,698 And I don't even have one, I've deleted it with my age of three. 543 00:27:48,722 --> 00:27:49,765 (MURMURS ) foreskin. 544 00:27:49,847 --> 00:27:51,607 I'm as smooth as a dolphin beak downstairs. 545 00:27:51,682 --> 00:27:52,909 I don't know what else to cut it. 546 00:27:52,933 --> 00:27:55,269 Also, I boyfriend, it's not really my girlfriend, 547 00:27:55,352 --> 00:27:57,570 is my girlfriend, but she is not my girlfriend, 548 00:27:57,687 --> 00:27:59,327 But she is me boyfriend, she is pregnant 549 00:27:59,396 --> 00:28:00,540 Don't know how that happened 550 00:28:00,564 --> 00:28:02,011 Because I swear I pulled it at the right time. 551 00:28:02,023 --> 00:28:04,608 And I have verruca. 552 00:28:04,733 --> 00:28:07,283 > And I think my stack is back. 553 00:28:07,444 --> 00:28:09,924 It's like shitake mushrooms hanging out of me bastards 554 00:28:09,987 --> 00:28:12,122 It looks like there are ingrown toenails in me stars brown sea 555 00:28:12,990 --> 00:28:14,116 (COUGHS) 556 00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:16,625 - Painfully The pain is torturous. - Good. 557 00:28:16,826 --> 00:28:17,917 In just one word, Keith. 558 00:28:21,538 --> 00:28:22,748 Fucked! 559 00:28:24,832 --> 00:28:26,832 HUMAN DELIVERY: There is one thing I don't understand. 560 00:28:26,875 --> 00:28:30,302 If Billy Ocean is Keith's father, why isn't he called Keith Ocean & apos;? 561 00:28:30,377 --> 00:28:32,382 Because of the name Lemon. 562 00:28:32,462 --> 00:28:34,265 He took his mother's name after Billy left. 563 00:28:35,047 --> 00:28:36,221 Oh yeah. 564 00:28:36,674 --> 00:28:37,966 Of course. 565 00:28:38,050 --> 00:28:41,477 And I can see the Caribbeanesque feature. 566 00:28:42,803 --> 00:28:45,021 So, will anyone sign this pole? 567 00:28:45,138 --> 00:28:46,894 Oh, will you take them away? 568 00:28:47,056 --> 00:28:48,742 > 569 00:28:48,766 --> 00:28:49,809 We obviously made a mistake with the command 570 00:28:50,267 --> 00:28:51,441 Hey! 571 00:28:51,518 --> 00:28:53,439 Don't shoot the messenger. 572 00:28:53,519 --> 00:28:55,606 I'm not a bad person here. 573 00:28:55,854 --> 00:28:57,874 Steve is evil Who is calling them Evil Steve? 574 00:28:57,898 --> 00:28:59,258 - (GURGLING CONTINUES) - Excuse me. 575 00:28:59,732 --> 00:29:00,906 Ooh... 576 00:29:01,901 --> 00:29:03,822 - You have said his name twice. - (DOOR OPEN) 577 00:29:03,902 --> 00:29:05,588 - I dare say it three times. - (DOOR CLOSES) 578 00:29:05,612 --> 00:29:07,118 - Steve is evil - No, don't 579 00:29:07,446 --> 00:29:08,620 - Steve is evil - No. 580 00:29:08,906 --> 00:29:10,163 Steve is evil 581 00:29:10,282 --> 00:29:11,539 (THUNDER CRACKS ) 582 00:29:12,033 --> 00:29:14,998 ♪ Evil Steve, Steve Evil ♪ 583 00:29:15,077 --> 00:29:16,168 (Bones CRACKING) 584 00:29:16,286 --> 00:29:19,916 ♪ Naughty Geordie Evil Steve 585 00:29:20,664 --> 00:29:21,708 ♪ Evil Steve ♪ 586 00:29:22,374 --> 00:29:27,427 (GEORDIE ACCENT) Crime & apos ;? I & apos ;? You make us sound like Bin Laden, you do. 587 00:29:27,503 --> 00:29:28,630 Evil? 588 00:29:29,921 --> 00:29:32,506 Where is Lemon & apos ;? Huh? 589 00:29:33,174 --> 00:29:34,347 Where is he & apos ?; 590 00:29:36,468 --> 00:29:39,397 Where is the foul smell? 591 00:29:40,095 --> 00:29:41,518 Where is he & apos; ? 592 00:29:42,305 --> 00:29:45,484 I'm here. That command is a mistake. 593 00:29:45,641 --> 00:29:49,816 So, please leave my place, Steve's crime, or I'll contact the police. 594 00:29:53,689 --> 00:29:55,693 Let's see you. 595 00:29:56,733 --> 00:29:57,824 (WAILING) 596 00:30:04,447 --> 00:30:05,490 (LAUGHS EVILLY) 597 00:30:06,657 --> 00:30:08,792 That's chocolate sauce. 598 00:30:09,158 --> 00:30:11,210 Dennis, he gets chocolate sauce on his face. 599 00:30:11,327 --> 00:30:12,370 (LAUGH) 600 00:30:12,453 --> 00:30:15,880 Howay, Dennis, come on bro. Otherwise, we will lose The XFactor. 601 00:30:16,164 --> 00:30:19,011 This is the result of the show tonight, which is my favorite 602 00:30:19,082 --> 00:30:20,209 Let's bring him with us. 603 00:30:20,375 --> 00:30:21,928 I don't come anywhere with you. 604 00:30:22,043 --> 00:30:24,723 - You, biscuit breasts. - I'm not coming 605 00:30:24,795 --> 00:30:25,969 - You are. - Dougie! Dougie! 606 00:30:26,046 --> 00:30:27,766 - Rosie! Rosie! - Dougie! 607 00:30:28,631 --> 00:30:31,051 I took this little cup here. Good night. 608 00:30:32,551 --> 00:30:34,223 ♪ Evil Stevie 609 00:30:34,302 --> 00:30:35,892 ♪ Naughty Geordie ♪ 610 00:30:37,054 --> 00:30:39,771 I'll turn you into a human Securipole, 611 00:30:39,931 --> 00:30:43,478 if I don't get my money in the specified time slot. 612 00:30:44,226 --> 00:30:45,898 - Oh! (GROANS) - What's wrong & apos;? 613 00:30:46,019 --> 00:30:48,901 I keep shooting sick in my arsehole 614 00:30:49,939 --> 00:30:52,073 - ROSIE: Dougie ! - That's fast. 615 00:30:52,232 --> 00:30:53,619 (RINTIHAN) 616 00:30:53,983 --> 00:30:57,743 Dougie, go to London. Take Keith Get Keith! 617 00:30:57,819 --> 00:30:58,946 Rosie! 618 00:31:00,405 --> 00:31:01,745 ♪ Evil Steve ♪ 619 00:31:02,489 --> 00:31:03,830 London, eh? 620 00:31:04,699 --> 00:31:07,167 It's full of gays and terrorists down there 621 00:31:08,119 --> 00:31:11,215 You may feel annoyed and stabbed. 622 00:31:11,329 --> 00:31:13,250 That's what my father said. 623 00:31:15,916 --> 00:31:17,755 (KEITH BREATHING HEAVILY) 624 00:31:21,670 --> 00:31:25,181 I paid a lot of money for the place this, but it's worth the display. 625 00:31:25,256 --> 00:31:27,841 Tell me about that. I am titated. 626 00:31:27,925 --> 00:31:29,016 Ooh! 627 00:31:29,426 --> 00:31:33,482 Listen, right, if you are The Fixer, how are you... 628 00:31:33,554 --> 00:31:35,144 Where did he go & apos?? 629 00:31:35,681 --> 00:31:37,103 What are you doing? 630 00:31:37,182 --> 00:31:39,981 I'm in trouble here. Not a band, it is. 631 00:31:40,726 --> 00:31:41,926 So how are you going to fix me? 632 00:31:42,561 --> 00:31:44,565 Well, what should you do? 633 00:31:44,812 --> 00:31:46,449 Nowt. 634 00:31:47,439 --> 00:31:50,535 Apart from this hi-tech cellphone, 635 00:31:50,608 --> 00:31:53,621 where the button has been replaced without a button, 636 00:31:53,694 --> 00:31:56,113 but the friend who gave it to me can't even give it, 637 00:31:56,196 --> 00:31:59,208 Regardless of what he gave me, he gave everything to me. 638 00:32:06,578 --> 00:32:07,705 Argh! 639 00:32:13,458 --> 00:32:14,965 - I got it! - What? 640 00:32:15,585 --> 00:32:17,354 What if we re-market the cellphone with a new identity & apos;? 641 00:32:17,378 --> 00:32:19,264 - What do you mean & apos ?; - Put your name on it 642 00:32:19,546 --> 00:32:21,232 You say you always want to become a household name. 643 00:32:21,256 --> 00:32:22,299 I do 644 00:32:22,423 --> 00:32:23,515 Hopefully, they will buy it 645 00:32:23,591 --> 00:32:25,892 and you will make enough money to pay for terrible Tony 646 00:32:25,968 --> 00:32:28,387 - What do you mean Evil Steve? - Exactly! Problems solved. 647 00:32:28,970 --> 00:32:30,180 Yarussky! 648 00:32:30,513 --> 00:32:32,198 More importantly, what do you think we will have 649 00:32:32,222 --> 00:32:34,158 enough money to pay for chicken enlargement for meself & apos? 650 00:32:34,182 --> 00:32:35,273 Uh.... 651 00:32:36,475 --> 00:32:38,895 It will be like a gift for yourself. 652 00:32:38,977 --> 00:32:41,445 It will be like a Christmas present. 653 00:32:42,313 --> 00:32:43,440 Birthday gift. 654 00:32:44,565 --> 00:32:46,118 St. Day George is here. 655 00:32:46,983 --> 00:32:49,782 (I NEED A DOLLAR BY ALOE BLACC PLAYS) 656 00:32:49,860 --> 00:32:53,952 ♪ I need one dollar, dollar, dollar That's what I need 657 00:32:54,030 --> 00:32:57,825 ♪ Hey, hey ♪ Well, I need dollars, dollars, dollars... 658 00:32:57,908 --> 00:32:58,999 So where do we go now? 659 00:32:59,075 --> 00:33:00,831 Now, now we get the call, 660 00:33:00,910 --> 00:33:04,088 I know this person is working on TV, he will help us put them on the map. 661 00:33:04,579 --> 00:33:06,798 Large, biggest exposure. 662 00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:08,842 - Lemon Squidgy? & apos; - Oh thank you. 663 00:33:09,166 --> 00:33:10,589 / p> 664 00:33:10,667 --> 00:33:13,003 This, thank you for lending me this outfit 665 00:33:13,252 --> 00:33:15,802 No problem. They belong to my former client. 666 00:33:16,463 --> 00:33:18,550 - Haul ass! - Okay, I'll take the donkey. 667 00:33:22,176 --> 00:33:25,023 Wait here. Stay away from the problem. I'll be back soon. 668 00:33:25,220 --> 00:33:26,512 Okay, Archi dove. 669 00:33:26,679 --> 00:33:29,099 Well, it keeps going all night, you know & apos? 670 00:33:29,181 --> 00:33:31,316 Sort of night you and me together. 671 00:33:31,433 --> 00:33:32,476 (LAUGHS) 672 00:33:32,558 --> 00:33:34,729 Hey, Hoff, it's me. 673 00:33:35,185 --> 00:33:37,521 Could I have a minute, honey? 674 00:33:42,733 --> 00:33:44,453 (WHISTLES) 675 00:33:44,526 --> 00:33:45,996 - (DOOR CLOSES) - What do you want & apos;? 676 00:33:46,235 --> 00:33:47,409 You look fantastic 677 00:33:47,861 --> 00:33:49,035 You just don't age 678 00:33:49,529 --> 00:33:51,865 Why don't you just cut to chase, Archimedes?? 679 00:33:51,948 --> 00:33:54,996 Hey, man, it's not my fault that you didn't get to Pamela Anderson's bones. 680 00:33:55,867 --> 00:33:56,994 One of my biggest regrets. 681 00:33:58,953 --> 00:34:00,589 You said you would fix it for me. 682 00:34:00,662 --> 00:34:03,222 I told you to do a show about the car talking 683 00:34:03,248 --> 00:34:04,291 Oh yeah. 684 00:34:04,415 --> 00:34:06,052 If it wasn't for me, there would be no Hoff. 685 00:34:06,125 --> 00:34:07,417 Yes I know. 686 00:34:07,501 --> 00:34:09,470 But can you help best friend? 687 00:34:10,628 --> 00:34:12,218 What kind of help & apos;? 688 00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:13,923 (MOBILE RINGING) 689 00:34:14,006 --> 00:34:15,927 - Hi. - Hi dear. How are you & apos ;? 690 00:34:16,049 --> 00:34:17,970 Oh, hello. How are you & apos ?; 691 00:34:18,050 --> 00:34:20,137 (CHERRY PIE WITH PAYMENT GUARANTEE) 692 00:34:23,387 --> 00:34:26,484 ♪ Well, she's my cherry cake 693 00:34:26,556 --> 00:34:29,439 ♪ Insert a smile on your face Ten miles wide 694 00:34:29,517 --> 00:34:32,280 ♪ Looks really good Bring tears to your eyes 695 00:34:32,352 --> 00:34:36,029 ♪ Sweet cherry pie, yeah 696 00:34:43,736 --> 00:34:45,575 - ♪ Swing it! - (MOBILE RINGING) 697 00:34:46,780 --> 00:34:47,907 - Kelly Brook? - Yes? 698 00:34:48,448 --> 00:34:49,918 - You're Kelly Brook? - Yes, right. 699 00:34:50,282 --> 00:34:52,121 - I'm a big fan of - That's good. 700 00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:55,047 Yes, all of your calendars are and your movies and stuff. 701 00:34:55,119 --> 00:34:56,329 Thank you. 702 00:34:56,454 --> 00:35:00,249 Piranha 3D, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, 703 00:35:00,331 --> 00:35:03,130 while having a big breakfast and you were fired, 704 00:35:03,500 --> 00:35:06,086 and when you were in Britain & Apos; s Got Talent and you were fired. 705 00:35:06,169 --> 00:35:08,932 It must have been desperate for you , but... A big fan. 706 00:35:09,004 --> 00:35:10,890 Actually, I have a dream about you last night 707 00:35:10,964 --> 00:35:12,056 What did you dream of? 708 00:35:12,132 --> 00:35:16,307 Well, you say, "Faster, slower," 709 00:35:16,385 --> 00:35:19,682 and then you don't know If you like it sooner or later, 710 00:35:20,013 --> 00:35:21,898 So I ramble on bangersmu. 711 00:35:22,348 --> 00:35:24,981 Then I go to the hidden area 712 00:35:25,141 --> 00:35:27,369 and give it something like... Stomach! Stomach! Stomach!
... Action. 713 00:35:27,393 --> 00:35:28,734 Stomach! Stomach! Stomach! 714 00:35:28,811 --> 00:35:31,610 - Oh, disgusting! - Maw! Stomach! Stomach! 715 00:35:31,688 --> 00:35:34,107 Then clean the window and feed the horse. 716 00:35:34,190 --> 00:35:36,028 (MAKE TRILLING SOUNDS) Stomach! Stomach! Stomach! 717 00:35:39,860 --> 00:35:42,114 What are you doing? We got a show to do. 718 00:35:43,655 --> 00:35:45,624 - Let's go. - Okay. 719 00:35:46,032 --> 00:35:48,285 I'm a little nervous. I have never watched TV before. 720 00:35:48,367 --> 00:35:49,847 Don't worry about that. You will be fine. 721 00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:51,713 - is that alive?? - Yes. 722 00:35:52,536 --> 00:35:53,794 Oh, damn it. 723 00:35:54,121 --> 00:35:56,339 ANNOUNCEMENT: Living from London, it's The Hoff Hour Show 724 00:35:56,414 --> 00:35:58,051 with your host, David Hasselhoff 725 00:35:58,124 --> 00:36:00,045 and special guest star, Kelly Brook. 726 00:36:00,125 --> 00:36:02,095 And this is your host, it's Hoff. 727 00:36:02,169 --> 00:36:04,754 Thank you. Thank you very much. 728 00:36:05,004 --> 00:36:07,174 Welcome back to The Hoff Hour Show. 729 00:36:07,673 --> 00:36:09,428 Thirty minutes from you really. 730 00:36:09,924 --> 00:36:13,980 We will continue to chat with us Kelly Brook is amazingly beautiful. 731 00:36:14,678 --> 00:36:18,936 I mean, she is "Hoff" the graph. She is Hoffalicious. 732 00:36:19,014 --> 00:36:22,312 I Crazy hoff for him. I'll take time for him. 733 00:36:22,392 --> 00:36:23,435 (LAUGHS) 734 00:36:24,018 --> 00:36:28,027 But first, we bring you North businessman, Mr. Keith Melon. p> 735 00:36:29,230 --> 00:36:31,199 That's you, man. Good luck. 736 00:36:38,445 --> 00:36:39,786 David, who are these idiots? 737 00:36:42,365 --> 00:36:46,456 This, um, Keith "Lemon". Who will be called "Melon"? A little silly name. 738 00:36:46,910 --> 00:36:48,630 Keith Melon. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 739 00:36:48,703 --> 00:36:49,960 (AUDIENCE LAUGHS WEAKLY) 740 00:36:50,037 --> 00:36:51,590 - (LAUGHS AWKWARDLY) - (ALL THOUGHTS) 741 00:36:51,872 --> 00:36:52,915 (Laughing out loud) 742 00:36:52,998 --> 00:36:54,208 p> 743 00:36:54,457 --> 00:36:56,592 (AUDIENCE LAUGHS) 744 00:36:57,876 --> 00:36:59,845 (DWINDLING LAUGH) 745 00:37:00,336 --> 00:37:04,097 Keith, I've been told by a little bird 746 00:37:04,173 --> 00:37:05,726 that you have some sort of > revolutionary communication tools 747 00:37:07,425 --> 00:37:08,552 that you want to show us 748 00:37:09,343 --> 00:37:10,684 Good. 749 00:37:13,555 --> 00:37:16,057 (EXHALES) 750 00:37:16,390 --> 00:37:18,644 - You can show us that now if you want. - Yes. 751 00:37:18,808 --> 00:37:20,019 It's okay, ladies and gentlemen, he's just a little nervous 752 00:37:20,226 --> 00:37:21,270 - (CHUCKLES) - (AUDIENCE LAUGH) 753 00:37:21,644 --> 00:37:22,771 Come on, man. 754 00:37:23,437 --> 00:37:27,576 Good. 755 00:37:28,732 --> 00:37:32,078 and then, at second glance, it doesn't look like a normal telephone. 756 00:37:32,986 --> 00:37:37,457 Kushvinder! Lemony's bloody screams she has stolen your Discipline. 757 00:37:37,864 --> 00:37:40,746 p> 758 00:37:41,075 --> 00:37:43,210 Keith didn't steal it. I gave it to him. Mmm! 759 00:37:43,368 --> 00:37:46,001 That's because from touch screen technology. 760 00:37:46,662 --> 00:37:48,465 This person sell it rubbish, just like you. 761 00:37:48,872 --> 00:37:50,224 Bloody Participation! 762 00:37:50,248 --> 00:37:52,383 I say, come up with a good idea 763 00:37:53,751 --> 00:37:54,936 and you give it Name damn stupid like Participation. 764 00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:57,677 I don't know why I'm married to you. 765 00:37:59,297 --> 00:38:03,472 Oh no, I did. Because it's bleeding. 766 00:38:04,050 --> 00:38:05,391 But that touchscreen technology really determines 767 00:38:05,509 --> 00:38:08,012 Well, I think it's, uh... 768 00:38:08,512 --> 00:38:10,065 David, drop this twat. Return to Kelly Brook. 769 00:38:10,513 --> 00:38:13,360 I'm sure you have a new calendar coming out this year 770 00:38:13,599 --> 00:38:15,603 - He blew it - Yes, I did, David. 771 00:38:15,684 --> 00:38:16,804 Was it all 12 months ? 772 00:38:17,602 --> 00:38:20,021 Yes, David, it's been 12 months. 773 00:38:20,229 --> 00:38:24,154 Wow! I hate that calendar with only seven months 774 00:38:24,398 --> 00:38:27,779 - I know. - Ridiculous You really... 775 00:38:28,902 --> 00:38:31,487 Remarketing your phone. Put your name on it 776 00:38:31,862 --> 00:38:33,119 Give a new identity 777 00:38:33,197 --> 00:38:35,082 DAVID: December edition, do you use 778 00:38:35,156 --> 00:38:37,955 one of them is minimal Santa's sexy clothes? 779 00:38:39,201 --> 00:38:41,087 Actually, David, I'm naked . 780 00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:45,915 And I have two Christmas pudding covering me... 781 00:38:45,998 --> 00:38:47,338 And there are lemons on t & back; 782 00:38:47,749 --> 00:38:48,840 (AUDIENCE GASP) 783 00:38:48,916 --> 00:38:50,339 Damn the bed! 784 00:38:56,088 --> 00:38:57,381 Very sexy 785 00:38:59,758 --> 00:39:02,687 That's the best thing I've ever seen. I want one. 786 00:39:08,806 --> 00:39:11,107 Wait a minute! What do you call this phone? 787 00:39:12,184 --> 00:39:13,275 Um... 788 00:39:14,685 --> 00:39:18,398 This is called Lemon Phone. Call Keith Lemon. 789 00:39:19,105 --> 00:39:21,110 p> 790 00:39:21,566 --> 00:39:23,784 - (GASPS) - Of course, Lemon! 791 00:39:24,234 --> 00:39:27,864 Oh, that guy is just a genius. 792 00:39:27,945 --> 00:39:29,368 Women and men, I give you Lemon Phone. 793 00:39:30,697 --> 00:39:32,916 Call Keith Lemon. 794 00:39:32,991 --> 00:39:34,580 ALL: Lemon Keith Phone! Lemon Phone 795 00:39:34,742 --> 00:39:35,833 Keith Lemon Phone! Lemon Phone 796 00:39:35,909 --> 00:39:38,708 (LAUGH) 797 00:39:38,787 --> 00:39:39,997 BOTH: Call Lemon! Call Keith Lemon! 798 00:39:41,038 --> 00:39:43,374 Phone Lemon 799 00:39:43,457 --> 00:39:44,584 - amazing < br /> O God! - Oh! 800 00:39:44,708 --> 00:39:46,926 (BOTH SEA) 801 00:39:48,794 --> 00:39:50,004 (AUDIENCE CONTINUES CHANTING) 802 00:39:51,963 --> 00:39:53,802 Eureka! 803 00:39:53,881 --> 00:39:56,300 - Lemon! What - yes! 804 00:39:56,383 --> 00:39:58,623 - Yarussky, did you see that? - It's done well! 805 00:39:58,718 --> 00:40:00,320 - Thank you, friend. - You are my favorite client 806 00:40:00,344 --> 00:40:01,685 You are amazing 807 00:40:01,762 --> 00:40:02,864 Now, all we need to do is to return to Leeds... 808 00:40:02,888 --> 00:40:04,145 - Call me. - (EXCLAIMS) 809 00:40:04,722 --> 00:40:07,106 - anytime - ARCHIMEDES: Child from... Keith & apos; 810 00:40:07,474 --> 00:40:08,601 (MOBILE RINGING) 811 00:40:08,725 --> 00:40:10,911 - ARCHIMEDES: Hey, Keith? & apos; - Hello & apos; : Is it right now & apos; really conquered the world. 812 00:40:10,935 --> 00:40:12,323 Small English North businessman Keith Lemon has gone from rag to wealth 813 00:40:14,229 --> 00:40:15,522 in overnight success to top all successes overnight. 814 00:40:19,984 --> 00:40:21,169 But what makes the phone very desirable 815 00:40:21,193 --> 00:40:24,656 There are lemons on t & apos; back _. 816 00:40:25,029 --> 00:40:29,868 Pengusaha kecil Inggris Utara Keith Lemon telah pergi dari kain ke kekayaan 817 00:40:29,949 --> 00:40:33,460 dalam kesuksesan semalam ke atas semua kesuksesan dalam semalam. 818 00:40:33,702 --> 00:40:36,833 Tapi apa yang membuat telepon sangat diinginkan 819 00:40:38,122 --> 00:40:39,415 Ada lemon di t'back_. 820 00:40:39,873 --> 00:40:41,842 And that makes it good because... 821 00:40:42,458 --> 00:40:43,502 I don't know 822 00:40:44,668 --> 00:40:48,096 And so, the answer is they don't know. 823 00:40:48,171 --> 00:40:49,481 - Lemon at t 'back - Lemon on t & back; back 824 00:40:49,505 --> 00:40:51,806 From New York to India and China to Barnsley, 825 00:40:51,882 --> 00:40:54,100 Lemon Phones are a global sensation. 826 00:40:54,759 --> 00:40:57,344 Lemon on t & ap; back. Lemon on t & apos; back. Orange has actually landed. 827 00:41:06,685 --> 00:41:08,238 And so it is. 828 00:41:08,311 --> 00:41:11,074 Sales Lemon Phone, phone Keith Lemon, 829 00:41:11,146 --> 00:41:13,365 has changed you to billionaires overnight 830 00:41:13,857 --> 00:41:15,742 Rich beyond your wildest dreams. 831 00:41:17,234 --> 00:41:19,120 Excuse me when I finish the document. 832 00:41:19,527 --> 00:41:21,864 Amazing! This is the best improvement I have ever done! 833 00:41:22,571 --> 00:41:24,825 I can't believe it. I really don't trust. 834 00:41:25,782 --> 00:41:28,711 So, now, all we have to do pay for the pole, 835 00:41:28,784 --> 00:41:31,287 Bring it back to Leeds for your child's unborn child, 836 00:41:31,578 --> 00:41:33,417 and live happily ever after with Rosie. 837 00:41:34,038 --> 00:41:36,090 I like it if there is an improvement. 838 00:41:37,874 --> 00:41:39,048 > 839 00:41:39,125 --> 00:41:42,221 Poland? 840 00:41:42,836 --> 00:41:45,022 Love the unborn child & apos ;? Rosie & apos; lead computer? What are you talking about & apos? 841 00:41:45,046 --> 00:41:46,469 That's where you come from, mute. 842 00:41:47,256 --> 00:41:52,558 Archiminges, sometimes the right thing isn't always black and white. 843 00:41:54,637 --> 00:41:56,024 But what about... (MUFFLED) 844 00:41:56,096 --> 00:41:58,136 So how are you doing? Will do it all, Mr. Lemon & apos? 845 00:41:58,765 --> 00:42:02,276 Well, Spectacle Man, the question is not what I'm going to do with everything, 846 00:42:02,559 --> 00:42:06,319 the question is what doesn't I won't do it all. (LAUGHS) 847 00:42:07,896 --> 00:42:09,284 Isn't that good? 848 00:42:09,356 --> 00:42:11,195 (LAUGHS MANIACALLY) 849 00:42:13,192 --> 00:42:16,157 Here. Go buy some specifications. 850 00:42:18,029 --> 00:42:23,165 I'm rich! I'm rich! I'm rich! I'm rich! 851 00:42:23,575 --> 00:42:24,785 Ooosh! 852 00:42:24,867 --> 00:42:26,587 (FULL OF LEAD PENCIL BY PAOLO NUTINI PLAYS) 853 00:42:35,583 --> 00:42:38,797 ♪ Oh, I have a sheet of my bed and a pillow for my head 854 00:42:38,878 --> 00:42:41,297 p> 855 00:42:41,379 --> 00:42:43,357 ♪ I get a pencil full of lead and some water for my throat 856 00:42:43,381 --> 00:42:45,717 ♪ I have buttons for my coat and the screen on my boat 857 00:42:45,799 --> 00:42:48,729 ♪ Much more than I needed before 858 00:42:48,802 --> 00:42:50,012 ♪ I got money in meters and heated two bars... ♪ 859 00:42:50,845 --> 00:42:52,697 Bigger 860 00:42:52,721 --> 00:42:54,726 ♪ I got a leg in my chair and a head full of hair 861 00:42:54,806 --> 00:42:57,225 ♪ Pot and skillet And some shoes on my feet 862 00:42:57,308 --> 00:42:59,608 ♪ A few pairs of socks and a door with a key 863 00:42:59,685 --> 00:43:01,772 ♪ Food in my stomach and a license for my television 864 00:43:01,853 --> 00:43:04,320 ♪ And nothing will drop me 865 00:43:08,900 --> 00:43:09,943 Hi. 866 00:43:11,777 --> 00:43:12,987 Now we talk. 867 00:43:15,530 --> 00:43:17,451 ♪ You will bring me down 868 00:43:17,531 --> 00:43:19,749 ♪ I got a nice guitar and tire in my car 869 00:43:19,824 --> 00:43:21,378 ♪ I get most of the means... ♪ 870 00:43:21,451 --> 00:43:22,838 (MOANING) 871 00:43:22,910 --> 00:43:26,670 ♪... so I join the shout I have a Enough a little chat but, better than that, 872 00:43:26,746 --> 00:43:28,667 ♪ Food in my stomach and license for my television 873 00:43:28,748 --> 00:43:30,503 ♪ And no one will drop me 874 00:43:30,582 --> 00:43:33,429 What about the harp punch, man? 875 00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:35,929 Oh, they're amazing. Oh! 876 00:43:36,170 --> 00:43:37,261 Oh... 877 00:43:37,421 --> 00:43:39,639 (STAMMERS) I'll call you back 878 00:43:42,591 --> 00:43:44,726 ♪ You will bring me down 879 00:43:44,801 --> 00:43:46,041 ♪ But the best of all ♪ Best of all 880 00:43:46,094 --> 00:43:49,142 ♪ I have my baby 881 00:43:49,221 --> 00:43:50,941 ♪ Oh, best of all ♪ Best of all 882 00:43:51,014 --> 00:43:53,731 ♪ I have my baby 883 00:43:53,808 --> 00:43:56,026 ♪ He's fine and says he's mine all 884 00:43:56,101 --> 00:43:58,948 ♪ And no one will drop me No! 885 00:43:59,687 --> 00:44:00,731 Ah! 886 00:44:00,855 --> 00:44:01,898 (LAUGHS) 887 00:44:04,149 --> 00:44:05,323 (LAUGH) 888 00:44:11,112 --> 00:44:13,413 ♪ Oh, best of all ♪ Best of all 889 00:44:13,489 --> 00:44:16,371 p> 890 00:44:16,449 --> 00:44:18,122 ♪ I have my baby 891 00:44:18,201 --> 00:44:20,834 ♪ Oh, best of all ♪ Best of all 892 00:44:20,911 --> 00:44:23,295 ♪ I have my baby 893 00:44:23,371 --> 00:44:25,458 ♪ She's good- okay and say he's mine all 894 00:44:25,540 --> 00:44:27,758 ♪ And no one will drop me 895 00:44:27,833 --> 00:44:30,087 ♪ And no one will drop me 896 00:44:30,168 --> 00:44:32,255 ♪ He's fine and says he's mine all 897 00:44:32,336 --> 00:44:35,799 ♪ And nothing will take me... ♪ 898 00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:38,976 Can I have bangers and gash... I mean, bro, please? 899 00:44:41,176 --> 00:44:45,517 And the award for Business Man of the Year goes to Keith Lemon. 900 00:44:45,596 --> 00:44:47,019 (CROWD CHEERING WILDLY) 901 00:44:47,848 --> 00:44:49,058 Thank you. 902 00:44:50,558 --> 00:44:53,523 (DRUNKENLY) Wow! I can't believe it. I can't believe it. 903 00:44:53,602 --> 00:44:57,362 I just want to say thanks for all the hard work 904 00:44:58,564 --> 00:44:59,987 EVIL STEVE: What happened? 905 00:45:00,273 --> 00:45:04,947 is Keith Lemon doing on television, acting all Rockefeller 906 00:45:05,194 --> 00:45:07,281 even though he hasn't even paid me yet for my pole & apos; 907 00:45:07,362 --> 00:45:12,580 This is also for me for everything I've achieved during this short period . 908 00:45:13,033 --> 00:45:14,872 And thanks to Kelly Brook. 909 00:45:15,368 --> 00:45:20,835 I can't wait to have full-on penetratitive sex with you 910 00:45:20,955 --> 00:45:24,917 in the hole of your shirt to constipate our relationship. 911 00:45:25,375 --> 00:45:27,510 So, Kelly, come here. 912 00:45:28,711 --> 00:45:34,179 More importantly, how do you have a ginger tit like she pulls Kelly Brook? 913 00:45:34,549 --> 00:45:36,351 She's not ginger, she strawberry blonde. 914 00:45:39,094 --> 00:45:41,312 Blonde strawberry, my ass! 915 00:45:43,931 --> 00:45:45,188 She's ginger 916 00:45:45,515 --> 00:45:49,358 And it looks like Kelly Brook likes a little ginger singing too. 917 00:45:49,643 --> 00:45:52,027 I thought you were a clever bird. 918 00:45:52,270 --> 00:45:53,990 - Me. - Well, I will tell you what, 920 00:45:56,607 --> 00:46:00,034 That can be done with a woman's touch. Or must I say, 921 00:46:00,735 --> 00:46:02,988 I can do it with the touch of a woman. 922 00:46:04,654 --> 00:46:06,894 That's funny because I think you and Dennis are stuff. 923 00:46:07,281 --> 00:46:08,574 What have you said to him? 924 00:46:09,241 --> 00:46:10,961 It's just a little fun. 925 00:46:11,034 --> 00:46:13,584 We are at the polytechnic. We are experimenting. 926 00:46:13,661 --> 00:46:15,055 Do you and your girlfriend don't think 927 00:46:15,079 --> 00:46:18,043 my girlfriend isn't will go back and kick the shit from you & apos;? 928 00:46:18,122 --> 00:46:20,174 What & apos ?? Does he know jujitsu & apos; Because we are the Church of England. 929 00:46:20,583 --> 00:46:24,212 - Will we kill him now, boss & apos ?? - No, we will not kill him now. 930 00:46:25,336 --> 00:46:28,053 We will miss I'm a celebrity. 931 00:46:28,130 --> 00:46:29,422 You get the keg turned on, Get everything hot and bubbly, like. 932 00:46:29,506 --> 00:46:32,353 We will watch a little television, 933 00:46:33,425 --> 00:46:34,505 then we will decide what to do. 934 00:46:34,551 --> 00:46:36,271 Shout! I say scream! 935 00:46:38,596 --> 00:46:41,893 I want to hear you scream! 936 00:46:42,682 --> 00:46:45,150 In your dream! 937 00:46:45,226 --> 00:46:46,317 Dalam mimpimu! 938 00:46:46,393 --> 00:46:49,655 - Dennis, are we going to drink ice cream? - Yeah, what's your favorite? 939 00:46:49,729 --> 00:46:51,282 Rum and raisins. 940 00:46:51,355 --> 00:46:54,035 I'll let you put it all on me > knackers and let you lick it. 941 00:46:54,483 --> 00:46:55,775 I'm jokin & apos; 942 00:46:56,067 --> 00:46:58,747 You have to put them polytechnics behind you, man 943 00:46:58,861 --> 00:47:01,161 Honestly! You're tit! 944 00:47:01,946 --> 00:47:03,618 (BUAL) 945 00:47:06,325 --> 00:47:11,164 One billion and a half and one, one billion and a half and two, 946 00:47:11,870 --> 00:47:15,796 one billion and a half and three . Can you go faster with that fan? 947 00:47:17,166 --> 00:47:18,968 Don't you think you have to check Rosie 948 00:47:19,042 --> 00:47:20,186 instead of counting your money & apos;? 949 00:47:20,210 --> 00:47:22,770 You seem to have forgotten about all your problems back in Leeds 950 00:47:23,379 --> 00:47:26,641 This is not bad karma, Keith. Bad, bad karma. 951 00:47:27,048 --> 00:47:31,686 Archi-cock- blocker, I'm calmer. I'm as calm as a cucumber, unlike you. 952 00:47:31,760 --> 00:47:35,188 All you do is complain because I have been successful overnight. 953 00:47:35,263 --> 00:47:37,943 What is confusing, really, Like who you fix it all. 954 00:47:38,015 --> 00:47:41,193 Don't remind me You know, I made a big mistake, Keith. 955 00:47:41,267 --> 00:47:42,690 The only mistake you make, brother, 956 00:47:42,768 --> 00:47:45,188 doesn't get your own costume
for the toga party tonight. 957 00:47:45,270 --> 00:47:46,313 Toga party 958 00:47:46,396 --> 00:47:50,191 And because I'm a kind and kind man, and remember... 959 00:47:50,274 --> 00:47:51,994 - this Put it - (GRUNTING) 960 00:47:52,942 --> 00:47:54,947 - This is a napkin. - This will be big enough for you 961 00:47:55,027 --> 00:47:56,415 - But... < br /> - I'm sorry 962 00:47:56,487 --> 00:47:57,744 I have a telephone to make. 963 00:48:01,157 --> 00:48:04,750 Hello, is that Yorkshire Bank & apos; This is Keith. How much money I get & apos;? 964 00:48:04,993 --> 00:48:07,673 Don't you see that all this is too good to be true & apos ?; 965 00:48:07,745 --> 00:48:13,711 Archidoodles, if everything seems too good To be true, then they might be right. 966 00:48:14,250 --> 00:48:17,843 That's the saying. Now excuse me, I'm on the phone & phone. 967 00:48:18,670 --> 00:48:20,022 Can you confirm that for me? 968 00:48:20,046 --> 00:48:22,595 MAN: You are currently one billion, five hundred million 969 00:48:22,673 --> 00:48:24,833 - and eight pounds in credit - (HYSTERICALLY LAUGHING) 970 00:48:27,176 --> 00:48:29,430 Kelly Brook. I've just been t phone to Yorkshire Bank 971 00:48:29,511 --> 00:48:32,096 I have a billion and a half and eight pounds 972 00:48:32,180 --> 00:48:35,109 I think I have a billion and a half and three pounds. 973 00:48:35,182 --> 00:48:38,942 I just made five pounds, sitting in the bathtub. Ooosh! 974 00:48:39,310 --> 00:48:43,449 Hei bro. Sebaiknya selokan ini luas. Dia tidak lain adalah masalah, jika Anda bertanya kepada saya. 975 00:48:43,521 --> 00:48:46,107 Ditch Kelly Brook? Have you ever glue sniffed? 976 00:48:46,190 --> 00:48:49,404 - Wow! That's a lot of money. - Yes I know. 977 00:48:50,443 --> 00:48:53,028 Here. You can have it. 978 00:48:53,362 --> 00:48:57,418 Go buy your own bra or some tampons. Girl thing 979 00:48:59,408 --> 00:49:03,250 Keith, um... what can I talk to you? 980 00:49:05,996 --> 00:49:07,040 (SENSUAL MUSIC PLAYING) 981 00:49:09,207 --> 00:49:10,250 (TIGER GROWLING) 982 00:49:10,374 --> 00:49:13,506 Archi... (BABBLES) Can we have some privacy? 983 00:49:15,128 --> 00:49:16,302 Come on, piss off. 984 00:49:16,379 --> 00:49:18,715 Keith, I know you've been waiting for for now. 985 00:49:19,214 --> 00:49:22,097 So do I. I want you to constipate this relationship. 986 00:49:23,175 --> 00:49:26,389 Well, come and take me. Take me now Take all of me 987 00:49:26,553 --> 00:49:29,898 I'm sick of humping dry this. I want to feel you. 988 00:49:30,056 --> 00:49:31,376 I want you to touch me in certain places. 989 00:49:31,432 --> 00:49:33,326 - I've never been touched before. - (ARCHIMEDES MUMBLING) 990 00:49:33,350 --> 00:49:35,899 I want you to stay your finger in my mouth 991 00:49:36,060 --> 00:49:37,732 Like Michael Douglas in Basic Instinct. 992 00:49:37,811 --> 00:49:40,195 - Plug it in very hard. - Mmm. Scumbag. 993 00:49:40,313 --> 00:49:43,112 Oh, Keith, I can just feel yourself now 994 00:49:43,190 --> 00:49:46,286 Just come and destroy the door behind me. Take me, Keith! 995 00:49:46,359 --> 00:49:47,912 - Take me! (SCREAM) - I come! 996 00:49:48,111 --> 00:49:49,996 (FREAK ME, BABY WITH ANOTHER LEVEL PLAY) 997 00:49:50,070 --> 00:49:53,332 ♪ I want to be weird with you 998 00:49:54,449 --> 00:49:56,998 ♪ Baby, don't you understand? 999 00:49:57,784 --> 00:50:00,168 ♪ I want to be your bad guy 1000 00:50:01,245 --> 00:50:03,713 ♪ I want to make your body scream 1001 00:50:04,789 --> 00:50:07,008 [♪ Then you will know what it means] 1002 00:50:07,792 --> 00:50:09,215 (RATTLING) 1003 00:50:09,293 --> 00:50:10,929 ♪ 24 carat gold 1004 00:50:11,836 --> 00:50:14,172 ♪ Don't want the night to cool 1005 00:50:15,256 --> 00:50:17,390 ♪ I like the taste of whipped cream 1006 00:50:19,050 --> 00:50:20,936 ♪ Scattered above me 1007 00:50:21,010 --> 00:50:22,137 (CHOKING) 1008 00:50:22,219 --> 00:50:24,638 ♪ You know I can't hold you back, kid 1009 00:50:25,888 --> 00:50:28,308 ♪ I will fly you all over the world 1010 00:50:29,349 --> 00:50:31,401 ♪ I want to see your body dripping 1011 00:50:32,935 --> 00:50:35,699 - ♪ Come on, let it I sip it... ♪ - (GASPING) Minge. 1012 00:50:36,646 --> 00:50:38,615 - ♪ To come, what do you appreciate most... ♪ - Aaah! 1013 00:50:38,689 --> 00:50:41,868 ♪ Lick you up and down and make your gifted body want to scream 1014 00:50:41,942 --> 00:50:45,287 ♪ Every time I think of your love I want to lick you 1015 00:50:45,361 --> 00:50:47,422 ♪ Let me scares you all night and, girl, then you will... ♪ 1016 00:50:47,446 --> 00:50:48,537 (THUDDING) 1017 00:50:48,780 --> 00:50:50,536 Oh yeah. 1018 00:50:52,825 --> 00:50:57,580 ♪ Lick you up and down and make your gifted body want to scream... ♪ 1019 00:50:57,662 --> 00:50:59,583 (GASPS) 1020 00:50:59,663 --> 00:51:05,510 ♪ Because tonight, honey, I want to be weird with you 1021 00:51:05,584 --> 00:51:10,092 ♪ Let me lick you up and down until you say stop ♪ 1022 00:51:10,171 --> 00:51:11,262 (EXCLAIMING IN SHOCK) 1023 00:51:12,673 --> 00:51:17,726 ♪ Let me play with my body, baby, make you really hot... ♪ 1024 00:51:20,262 --> 00:51:22,313 (PANTING) 1025 00:51:26,892 --> 00:51:28,315 (MOANING) 1026 00:51:31,979 --> 00:51:35,490 Well, um... I have fun. 1027 00:51:35,690 --> 00:51:39,320 I hope you I promise that I don't pretend. 1028 00:51:40,693 --> 00:51:43,825 That's good.
I'll get ready for the party. 1029 00:51:45,322 --> 00:51:47,373 - Oh! - Excuse me. 1030 00:51:51,368 --> 00:51:55,792 Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.
Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry. 1031 00:52:00,208 --> 00:52:01,679 Maaf. Permisi. 1032 00:52:03,585 --> 00:52:06,764 Hello, my name is Douglas I'm going to London. 1033 00:52:06,838 --> 00:52:08,842 - Where are you going? - London. 1034 00:52:13,009 --> 00:52:16,223 Hello, my name is Douglas /> I'm going to London. 1035 00:52:16,553 --> 00:52:19,021 - Where are you going? - London. 1036 00:52:24,434 --> 00:52:28,823 - Hello, my name is Douglas... - We will all screwing London! 1037 00:52:31,731 --> 00:52:34,945 - (BELL DINGING) - ANNOUNCER: Today's film coach 1038 00:52:35,025 --> 00:52:37,872 is a classic Sylvester Stallone, waiting for it... 1039 00:52:38,569 --> 00:52:42,531 - Spy Kids 3D in 2D. - (GROANING) the worst 1040 00:52:47,409 --> 00:52:51,798 Um... I apologize for what just happened When I rambling everywhere. 1041 00:52:51,871 --> 00:52:54,338 That never happened to me before ever in my life. 1042 00:52:54,414 --> 00:52:58,839 However, as a sign of my apology, I have gift for you 1043 00:52:59,543 --> 00:53:03,802 I want to present you with the two piranhas in plinths. 1044 00:53:06,298 --> 00:53:08,151 If you don't like them, you can take the plinth off 1045 00:53:08,175 --> 00:53:09,811 and you can use it as an earring. 1046 00:53:09,884 --> 00:53:12,517 Just bring them to your ear. Let's see what they look like. 1047 00:53:12,595 --> 00:53:14,397 Oh yeah. They look beautiful. 1048 00:53:14,763 --> 00:53:17,116 This really brings color out of your breasts... your eyes. 1049 00:53:17,140 --> 00:53:21,398 - Fun. Do you like them? - Yes, they are, um... unique. 1050 00:53:22,227 --> 00:53:25,488 Yes, they are unique, right? Piranha fish earrings. 1051 00:53:25,562 --> 00:53:27,484 Ever so unique. I like that word 1052 00:53:27,564 --> 00:53:29,291 So that means it's a good thing, isn't it? 1053 00:53:29,315 --> 00:53:30,407 - Yeah. - Yeah. 1054 00:53:30,483 --> 00:53:33,163 I like that movie, Piranha 3D, me. I think it's amazing. 1055 00:53:33,860 --> 00:53:37,205 Yes, all blood and salt water and so on. That's my type of film. 1056 00:53:38,155 --> 00:53:40,835 You see rambo You don't see rambo 1057 00:53:40,907 --> 00:53:43,010 I'll tell you what happened in Rambo if you haven't seen rambo 1058 00:53:43,034 --> 00:53:45,136 What happened in Rambo is he trying to enter the small town 1059 00:53:45,160 --> 00:53:46,266 They won't let him enter the small town. 1060 00:53:46,286 --> 00:53:47,430 So he goes to the small town. 1061 00:53:47,454 --> 00:53:48,931 So they catch him and take him to the station, 1062 00:53:48,955 --> 00:53:50,140 do his fingerprint , but you can see 1063 00:53:50,164 --> 00:53:51,307 he doesn't want his fingerprints. 1064 00:53:51,331 --> 00:53:52,934 Then they put it in the shower and they drop it, 1065 00:53:52,958 --> 00:53:54,059 which I think is rather homoerotic. 1066 00:53:54,083 --> 00:53:55,936 And then he hits a ginger guy from CSI: Miami. 1067 00:53:55,960 --> 00:53:57,979 Then he comes out. Then there's a pedestrian on a motorcycle 1068 00:53:58,003 --> 00:53:59,230 He took his motorcycle from him. 1069 00:53:59,254 --> 00:54:01,065 Then he went into the forest and he climbed a tree. 1070 00:54:01,089 --> 00:54:02,899 Then he fell from a tree. < br /> He cut all of his arms. 1071 00:54:02,923 --> 00:54:04,025 But, lucky for him, He has a Rambo knife. 1072 00:54:04,049 --> 00:54:05,151 There are many knick-knacks in it. 1073 00:54:05,175 --> 00:54:06,277 There are needles and threads there. 1074 00:54:06,301 --> 00:54:07,403 So he swings his arm like that 1075 00:54:07,427 --> 00:54:09,487 and he goes further into the forest chased by the locals. 1076 00:54:09,511 --> 00:54:11,155 It's a bit like Frankenstein. They have torch and stuff. 1077 00:54:11,179 --> 00:54:12,259 Then he goes into the tunnel. 1078 00:54:12,305 --> 00:54:14,158 And we see a lot of flashbacks while he is in Vietnam 1079 00:54:14,182 --> 00:54:15,283 So we know he is not in trouble. 1080 00:54:15,307 --> 00:54:16,701 And then he got lots of mice on his back. 1081 00:54:16,725 --> 00:54:18,869 And he burned mice from his back. Then they blew up tunnels. 1082 00:54:18,893 --> 00:54:20,704 Then he came out of the tunnel. Then he went to the city 1083 00:54:20,728 --> 00:54:21,955 he tried to enter before. 1084 00:54:21,979 --> 00:54:23,581 And he met his old sergeant and then he say... 1085 00:54:23,605 --> 00:54:25,526 (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) 1086 00:54:27,775 --> 00:54:30,086 You can't say what he said but you can say that he said, 1087 00:54:30,110 --> 00:54:32,529 "They pulled the blood first, not me. " 1088 00:54:33,112 --> 00:54:36,208 Therefore the title of the film, Blood first. 1089 00:54:36,365 --> 00:54:38,334 (MUSIC DRAMATIC PLAYS) 1090 00:54:40,826 --> 00:54:43,546 Hey, I've heard that sequel
Marley & Me also came out. 1091 00:54:43,620 --> 00:54:45,671 Marley & Me 2. And it will be 3D. 1092 00:54:45,747 --> 00:54:47,383 If in 3D, it will be summat 1093 00:54:47,456 --> 00:54:48,856 I will buy a ticket for that, I will. 1094 00:54:50,542 --> 00:54:53,803 Keith Lemon, the award-winning businessperson and billionaire last night, 1095 00:54:53,877 --> 00:54:57,056 is hosting a toga party > up all party parties. 1096 00:54:57,130 --> 00:55:00,095 Promising to be the night overcrowded celebrities. 1097 00:55:00,215 --> 00:55:02,516 This is of course... Ohhh! Rizzle Kicks are here. 1098 00:55:02,592 --> 00:55:03,986 Menantikan pesta, guys? 1099 00:55:04,010 --> 00:55:06,228 Yes, I always want it to make love to the goddess 1100 00:55:06,303 --> 00:55:07,477 I am a black Zeus. 1101 00:55:07,554 --> 00:55:10,139 Um... I just apologized for language there 1102 00:55:10,265 --> 00:55:12,981 and of course the party no one wants to miss 1103 00:55:13,058 --> 00:55:15,941 - MAN: Rizzle Kicks, here. - I can't believe they fucking swear. 1104 00:55:16,144 --> 00:55:19,240 - WOMEN: Keith Lemon partying like this. - (CARS HONKING) 1105 00:55:20,230 --> 00:55:21,867 Lemon Towers. 1106 00:55:25,693 --> 00:55:27,863 (MUSIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY) 1107 00:55:48,543 --> 00:55:51,046 - (WHOOPING) - Keith, what about Rosie? 1108 00:55:57,633 --> 00:56:02,271 Ladies, what we get here is boiled eggs surrounded by Italian sausage meat 1109 00:56:02,345 --> 00:56:06,484 and golden breadcrumbs. In Italy, we call it a Scotch egg. 1110 00:56:06,723 --> 00:56:10,150 It's like putting a ship in a bottle. Touch my ball, touch my ball. 1111 00:56:11,268 --> 00:56:13,154 p> 1112 00:56:13,895 --> 00:56:15,734 (WOMEN CHEERING) 1113 00:56:18,106 --> 00:56:20,277 Man, screwed up again. 1114 00:56:23,402 --> 00:56:25,038 (CHUCKLING) 1115 00:56:26,112 --> 00:56:28,413 (MUSIC CONTINUES LOUDLY) 1116 00:56:29,698 --> 00:56:32,627 Oh ! Are these alcoholics Fucking-A! (GIGGLING) 1117 00:56:34,368 --> 00:56:35,460 - Hey - Hmm? 1118 00:56:35,536 --> 00:56:38,418 You said this an Egyptian party, you twat 1119 00:56:39,539 --> 00:56:40,630 (CHEERING) 1120 00:56:41,957 --> 00:56:43,878 So, Tinchy, how can you get to know Keith? 1121 00:56:43,959 --> 00:56:46,295 - He is my cousin, innit ? - Oh. 1122 00:56:49,963 --> 00:56:52,299 Come on let's go... 1123 00:56:52,381 --> 00:56:54,386 - Yes! Come on! - (ALL CHEERING) 1124 00:56:54,466 --> 00:56:56,802 - You're beautiful! - (TRUMPET FANFARE PLAYING) 1125 00:57:00,721 --> 00:57:02,441 (PEOPLE APPLY) 1126 00:57:05,850 --> 00:57:08,530 - You all have fun? - (ALL CHEERING) 1127 00:57:09,603 --> 00:57:13,612 Well, this will be even better This is very emotional, this, for me. 1128 00:57:14,231 --> 00:57:17,694 [Some of you may or may not know it] comes from a single parent family. 1129 00:57:17,775 --> 00:57:21,452 There's only me and I mam and I'm a brother, a homosexual. 1130 00:57:21,528 --> 00:57:23,947 That's why I'm a little sissy. 1131 00:57:25,239 --> 00:57:27,374 This is all under the bridge. 1132 00:57:27,532 --> 00:57:28,759 Kelly, can you get off the phone & phone, please? 1133 00:57:28,783 --> 00:57:30,503 - I'm a bit emotional - Oh. 1134 00:57:31,202 --> 00:57:34,380 Welcome to the stage... . (MIMICKING DARTH VADER) My father! 1135 00:57:34,454 --> 00:57:37,633 - None other than Billy Ocean! - (ALL CHEERING) 1136 00:57:38,165 --> 00:57:39,921 WOMEN: We love you, Billy! 1137 00:57:41,459 --> 00:57:44,223 If Billy Ocean is his father, then I'm the damn mother. 1138 00:57:44,336 --> 00:57:47,053 This is my father You can see, right? 1139 00:57:49,507 --> 00:57:50,764 (ECHOING) Rewind selector. 1140 00:57:51,508 --> 00:57:53,708 (WHEN IT WILL GET, HARD GET GOING PLAYING) 1141 00:58:00,098 --> 00:58:03,775 ♪ Yes! Oh dear 1142 00:58:07,020 --> 00:58:10,365 ♪ I have something to tell you 1143 00:58:10,981 --> 00:58:13,151 ♪ There's something I want to say 1144 00:58:14,650 --> 00:58:17,996 ♪ I will realize this dream 1145 00:58:18,528 --> 00:58:21,208 ♪ Don't let anything hinder me ♪ 1146 00:58:21,531 --> 00:58:24,033 - (ELEVATOR BELL DING) - Hold it. Wait for me < br /> Wait for me 1147 00:58:24,241 --> 00:58:26,541 - He's big, very big. - (WOMEN MURMURING) 1148 00:58:26,993 --> 00:58:29,471 - No, I don't know what... - DOUGIE: You will be fine, Dougie. 1149 00:58:29,495 --> 00:58:31,215 Don't make eye contact with gays. 1150 00:58:32,372 --> 00:58:35,088 Oh, she's gay. Must be gay. 1151 00:58:35,874 --> 00:58:38,555 At least he's not a terrorist. Fuck off! 1152 00:58:39,002 --> 00:58:40,508 - Craig & apos? - Who is that & apos? 1153 00:58:40,586 --> 00:58:42,673 This is Avid. Is You know Billy Ocean &?; 1154 00:58:42,754 --> 00:58:45,257 Yes, he's very big, a big pop star in the 80s. 1155 00:58:45,381 --> 00:58:48,643 He looks like a black Santa Claus.
I trust him 1156 00:58:49,051 --> 00:58:50,723 - I can't hear you - I can't hear you 1157 00:58:50,802 --> 00:58:53,898 - I got a bad reception - I have a bad reception 1158 00:58:53,971 --> 00:58:55,394 I lost him. I'm sick. 1159 00:58:55,472 --> 00:58:57,975 ♪ When things get tough ♪ It's hard to go 1160 00:58:58,057 --> 00:58:59,777 ♪ When things get rough 1161 00:59:05,438 --> 00:59:09,115 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa 1162 00:59:11,150 --> 00:59:12,621 ♪ Yeah, yes, yeah ♪ 1163 00:59:14,653 --> 00:59:15,744 Keith? 1164 00:59:18,072 --> 00:59:20,207 Keith! Here I am! 1165 00:59:22,951 --> 00:59:23,994 Keith! 1166 00:59:27,871 --> 00:59:31,464 ♪ Darlin & apos, I will climb any mountain 1167 00:59:31,874 --> 00:59:35,005 ♪ Darlin & apos, I will do anything 1168 00:59:37,378 --> 00:59:39,465 ♪ Ooh, can I touch you? ♪ Ooh, can I touch you? 1169 00:59:39,671 --> 00:59:42,008 ♪ And do the things that lovers do? ♪ 1170 00:59:42,590 --> 00:59:45,935 - Hey - That's great. Oh my God! 1171 00:59:46,301 --> 00:59:47,891 (RINTIHAN) 1172 00:59:48,219 --> 00:59:50,853 Do you know, can you bring me drinks, babes & apos? 1173 00:59:50,930 --> 00:59:52,981 - Anything for you. - Oh thank you. 1174 00:59:53,557 --> 00:59:54,684 Ugh! 1175 01:00:03,939 --> 01:00:07,035 And so are things, really, really serious between you and Keith Lemon? 1176 01:00:07,275 --> 01:00:11,664 (SCOFFING) What do you think? There is good homework with him. 1177 01:00:12,112 --> 01:00:14,829 I will marry him, divorce him, then take half .. . 1178 01:00:14,989 --> 01:00:18,666 Oh no, sorry. All the money. Then proceed to the next one. 1179 01:00:21,577 --> 01:00:23,000 - once a whore! - I know. 1180 01:00:23,078 --> 01:00:25,961 It's very clear what he's doing. And he's a fool. 1181 01:00:26,581 --> 01:00:28,253 - I think he's hot - What? 1182 01:00:28,749 --> 01:00:32,130 I want do it specifically lie dancing with him 1183 01:00:32,210 --> 01:00:36,385 and then run my finger through her soft blonde hair and strawberry. 1184 01:00:37,214 --> 01:00:39,468 Right. Um... lam... 1185 01:00:39,549 --> 01:00:42,265 - I'll just go and powder my breast. - (SIGHING) 1186 01:00:44,219 --> 01:00:46,638 - Simon Pegg? - No, Ronan Keating. 1187 01:00:47,054 --> 01:00:50,150 - Oh, from, um, Take That & apos ;? - No, you think of Gary Barlow. 1188 01:00:50,223 --> 01:00:52,228 No, I'm thinking of Simon Pegg. 1189 01:00:53,142 --> 01:00:55,313 - do you like me? phone & apos; - Yeah, very good. Likes. 1190 01:00:55,394 --> 01:00:56,604 Thank you. 1191 01:00:57,979 --> 01:01:01,193 - Hey, I made love with Kelly Brook. - Fair enough. 1192 01:01:01,273 --> 01:01:04,950 A little rough on t & apos; morning, but when he puts her make-up on... Fuck it! 1193 01:01:05,651 --> 01:01:06,825 Strange child. Come on! 1194 01:01:06,902 --> 01:01:09,785 ♪... it becomes difficult Go and get the rough one ♪ 1195 01:01:09,905 --> 01:01:11,660 (ALL CHEERING) 1196 01:01:15,117 --> 01:01:16,327 Thank you. 1197 01:01:18,286 --> 01:01:21,049 - Thank you, Keith - (SPOUTING GIBBERISH) 1198 01:01:21,747 --> 01:01:25,376 It's time for Keith Lemon a karaoke toga party! 1199 01:01:25,499 --> 01:01:27,053 (ALL CHEERING) 1200 01:01:28,126 --> 01:01:33,677 Yang pertama adalah sekolah lama Keith Lemon rekan bisnis, Kushvinder Rihal! 1201 01:01:35,090 --> 01:01:39,265 Thank you. I go to present this song 1202 01:01:39,343 --> 01:01:42,770 for my beautiful wife 1203 01:01:43,179 --> 01:01:44,306 Hit it! 1204 01:01:44,847 --> 01:01:46,852 (REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING) 1205 01:01:52,519 --> 01:01:54,654 ♪ Hey, fatti bum bum! 1206 01:01:55,730 --> 01:01:57,948 ♪ Sweet peas 1207 01:01:59,274 --> 01:02:01,860 ♪ Hey, boom boom fatti 1208 01:02:02,527 --> 01:02:03,570 ♪ Allow me tell you... ♪ 1209 01:02:03,694 --> 01:02:07,157 I think I want to buy you expensive puffer jacket. 1210 01:02:07,364 --> 01:02:09,285 - DOUGIE: Keith! - puffiest puffer jacket... 1211 01:02:09,365 --> 01:02:11,092 - DOUGIE: Keith! - You can see it in the shop & shop. 1212 01:02:11,116 --> 01:02:13,370 - the puffiest - Excuse me. I'll finish. 1213 01:02:13,785 --> 01:02:15,836 (WHIMPERING) 1215 01:02:20,373 --> 01:02:21,417 What & apos ?; 1216 01:02:22,541 --> 01:02:26,930 Keith, this is me, Douglas. Douglas Orange. 1217 01:02:28,004 --> 01:02:30,684 Listen, we need to take you back to Leeds. 1218 01:02:30,756 --> 01:02:32,843 Steve's crime has kidnapped Rosie. 1219 01:02:32,924 --> 01:02:35,124 And only you can save us by giving us money for t & apos; polish. 1220 01:02:35,885 --> 01:02:41,021 Listen, first, I know about eleven Douglaseseses. 1221 01:02:41,222 --> 01:02:43,024 And you're not one of them. 1222 01:02:43,348 --> 01:02:46,444 Third, I don't know anyone called Rosie 1223 01:02:46,768 --> 01:02:50,113 There was only one woman in my life and that was Kelly Brook. 1224 01:02:50,187 --> 01:02:52,690 And he loves me and we make love like spider monkeys. 1225 01:02:52,981 --> 01:02:56,194 - (SCOFFING) - Keith, this is me, Douglas. 1226 01:02:56,733 --> 01:02:59,616 Security! Take this dingbat away. 1227 01:03:00,111 --> 01:03:02,281 If you want money, here. 1228 01:03:03,447 --> 01:03:07,076 Go buy new clothes, Because you look low quality. 1229 01:03:07,158 --> 01:03:08,878 p> 1231 01:03:12,328 --> 01:03:15,092 Tomato-face list! (DESIS) 1232 01:03:16,206 --> 01:03:17,499 More than that, you are like my brother 1233 01:03:17,624 --> 01:03:19,544 Well, it's not that close, 1234 01:03:19,625 --> 01:03:22,210 like Christmas and birthdays and funerals and so on. 1235 01:03:22,586 --> 01:03:25,306 Once we celebrate St George's Day, but we don't know what that means. 1236 01:03:25,463 --> 01:03:28,262 - You don't know what St. George's Day is? - I like St. George's day. 1237 01:03:28,340 --> 01:03:30,510 I like St. George's day. It's my favorite vacation. 1238 01:03:30,633 --> 01:03:32,638 also my favorite vacation. 1239 01:03:32,718 --> 01:03:34,059 - I love you. - I love you too. 1240 01:03:34,136 --> 01:03:35,689 I want your fingerblast now. 1241 01:03:35,762 --> 01:03:37,399 Do you listen to me, Keith Lemon? 1242 01:03:37,847 --> 01:03:42,603 You listen to me Will you leave my luxurious palace? 1243 01:03:42,684 --> 01:03:43,811 (GLASS SMASHES) 1244 01:03:45,686 --> 01:03:51,652 - Come on, come out, you're wrong! < br /> - That's rude, man. Really un-PC. 1245 01:03:51,857 --> 01:03:53,447 You can be quiet and all. 1246 01:03:53,525 --> 01:03:55,945 There are things that are much worse I can just call him. 1247 01:03:56,027 --> 01:03:57,866 Like a stupid spa... 1248 01:03:58,028 --> 01:03:59,535 - (ALL GASPING) - What did he say?... I... I will say... 1249 01:04:02,448 --> 01:04:05,496 (SPEAKING MOCK FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 1250 01:04:06,076 --> 01:04:07,832 What is strange to, "You are stupid idiot." 1251 01:04:09,454 --> 01:04:11,956 - Now continue, turn it off! Come on, turn it off! - Damn fool. 1252 01:04:29,677 --> 01:04:32,559 Come on, get out of there. 1253 01:04:34,138 --> 01:04:38,444 (DOUGIE GRUNTING) 1254 01:04:41,185 --> 01:04:42,941 You used to be the main person. Now you're not the main one. 1255 01:04:43,020 --> 01:04:44,692 I, Douglas Orange, I'm not a friend with Keith Lemon again. 1256 01:04:44,771 --> 01:04:48,827 Good . 1257 01:04:49,441 --> 01:04:53,451 - And you know what & apos ?? - What? 1258 01:04:53,736 --> 01:04:54,910 - I'm no longer your problem solver. - Oh. 1259 01:05:00,324 --> 01:05:01,795 I'd rather have shit than hang out with you 1260 01:05:02,993 --> 01:05:05,080 - Aku bukan pemecah masalahmu lagi. - Oh. 1261 01:05:05,161 --> 01:05:07,497 Aku lebih suka makan sial daripada bergaul dengan Anda 1262 01:05:07,580 --> 01:05:12,584 Lalu pergi makan sial, sialan. Pergi mengambil beberapa kotoran dan memasukkannya ke dalam pita. 1263 01:05:13,501 --> 01:05:14,841 A shita (CHUCKLING) 1264 01:05:16,503 --> 01:05:19,183 - continue Exit, you are extracted - Upset! 1265 01:05:21,173 --> 01:05:23,391 - Is that all about & apos; ? - I don't know 1266 01:05:23,466 --> 01:05:24,937 But I will tell you what, Kelly Brook. 1267 01:05:25,009 --> 01:05:27,689 I will let you finger my arsehole as part of love. 1268 01:05:27,761 --> 01:05:30,940 And I never let anyone stick their fingers up my ass 1269 01:05:31,014 --> 01:05:32,401 WOMEN: Ah! 1270 01:05:34,183 --> 01:05:36,816 I captivate you... love you Fancy it?> 1271 01:05:37,352 --> 01:05:38,952 - Come on. - (WHISPERING) Up there. 1272 01:05:39,520 --> 01:05:41,987 Come on, we have a party. Party. 1273 01:05:48,610 --> 01:05:50,864 (MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING) 1274 01:05:51,612 --> 01:05:52,953 (SIGHING) 1275 01:05:53,489 --> 01:05:55,458 (Laughter) Douglas. 1276 01:05:56,032 --> 01:05:58,333 Who will win in a fight exits all Expendables 1277 01:05:58,409 --> 01:06:01,291 In the film, um... The Expendables & apos? 1278 01:06:01,745 --> 01:06:03,998 Sylvester Stallone, of course. He & # 39; leader. 1279 01:06:04,080 --> 01:06:06,167 - But what about Jason Streatham? - Crank 1280 01:06:06,248 --> 01:06:07,458 - Jet Li & apos ?? - Easy Jet 1281 01:06:07,707 --> 01:06:09,587 - Mickey Rourke - Mickey... (IMITATES CLUCKING) 1282 01:06:09,625 --> 01:06:11,262 What about Arnold Schwarzenegger?> 1283 01:06:11,335 --> 01:06:14,264 The only governor is Sylvester Stallone (ECHOING) 1284 01:06:14,796 --> 01:06:16,468 p> 1285 01:06:32,350 --> 01:06:34,320 (GROWLING) 1286 01:06:35,353 --> 01:06:37,831 - I've been sewn. - (BELL DINGING) 1287 01:06:37,855 --> 01:06:40,653 ANNOUNCEMENT: Hello, Coach Traveler. Here's a little news for you 1288 01:06:40,732 --> 01:06:43,495 The film coach this evening is the classic Sylvester Stallone. 1289 01:06:43,817 --> 01:06:45,703 Waiting for that. Nothing but... Just wait... Rambo! 1290 01:06:47,028 --> 01:06:48,830 (MUSIC DRAMATIC PLAYS) 1291 01:06:48,904 --> 01:06:51,205 (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) 1292 01:06:51,281 --> 01:06:54,495 This is when you all wait. 1293 01:06:54,825 --> 01:06:57,161 We get the main funky guy and the main funky girl! 1294 01:06:57,536 --> 01:07:00,548 Hey, bro, they're doing karaoke. You will go? 1295 01:07:00,913 --> 01:07:02,301 Well, buddy, singing is not for me. 1296 01:07:02,373 --> 01:07:03,630 MAN: We love you, Keith! 1297 01:07:06,334 --> 01:07:07,924 (MOANING HOARSELY) 1298 01:07:12,964 --> 01:07:15,015 - (MOUTHING) - (OFF-TUNE HUMMING) 1299 01:07:16,341 --> 01:07:18,346 (SINGLE NASALLY) ♪ Especially for you 1300 01:07:18,968 --> 01:07:20,521 (QUALITY WORDS) 1301 01:07:21,720 --> 01:07:26,524 ♪ I want to tell you what I experienced 1302 01:07:26,766 --> 01:07:30,857 ♪ AI! When we were I think of you 1303 01:07:31,686 --> 01:07:34,271 ♪ You are in my heart 1304 01:07:34,355 --> 01:07:36,157 ♪ My love has never changed 1305 01:07:37,815 --> 01:07:39,487 ♪ I still feel the same 1306 01:07:40,609 --> 01:07:42,614 ♪ Especially for you 1307 01:07:44,028 --> 01:07:45,120 ♪ I want to tell you... ♪ 1308 01:07:45,196 --> 01:07:46,998 Fucking to kill your song, man. 1309 01:07:47,072 --> 01:07:48,329 Flamin bastard! 1310 01:07:48,990 --> 01:07:51,125 ♪ And if the dream is wings... ♪ 1311 01:07:52,326 --> 01:07:55,422 We interfere with this broadcast with news from around the world 1312 01:07:55,495 --> 01:07:59,966 of terrible side effects blamed directly on using Lemon Phone. 1313 01:08:00,040 --> 01:08:02,258 (INCLUDING CONTINUED ) 1314 01:08:02,500 --> 01:08:04,754 Confirmed reports are now being confirmed 1315 01:08:04,835 --> 01:08:07,338 which causes the phone strange conditions 1316 01:08:07,421 --> 01:08:10,101 to be known as "slanted mouths." 1317 01:08:10,214 --> 01:08:12,219 ♪... because of you... 1318 01:08:13,759 --> 01:08:18,147 ♪ Together forever, I... ♪ 1319 01:08:18,220 --> 01:08:19,364 (IN A DEEP) What happened to my face ? 1320 01:08:19,388 --> 01:08:20,490 WOMEN: Oh, my God, look at Kelly! 1321 01:08:20,514 --> 01:08:21,771 What happened to my mouth? 1322 01:08:21,848 --> 01:08:23,899 Get out of the way. Shift, you Shift, shift. 1323 01:08:24,308 --> 01:08:26,228 I will tell you what's wrong with your mouth, baby 1324 01:08:26,268 --> 01:08:28,522 That is a naughty little badger an error up there 1325 01:08:28,895 --> 01:08:31,445 Luckily, I keep communicating via fax and pager. 1326 01:08:31,730 --> 01:08:32,822 Sometimes pigeons. 1327 01:08:33,940 --> 01:08:36,408 But I bought my mother one of those phones 1328 01:08:36,484 --> 01:08:40,077 Your aunt, Keith. Your own flesh and blood 1329 01:08:41,029 --> 01:08:43,116 And see what is done on his face. 1330 01:08:43,489 --> 01:08:46,501 - WOMEN: Eurgh! Mingin & apos; ! - really messed up 1331 01:08:46,991 --> 01:08:49,078 And now I feel guilty. 1332 01:08:49,910 --> 01:08:51,500 (SIGHING HEAVILY) 1333 01:08:51,703 --> 01:08:53,542 I'm sorry, Aunt Fanny. 1334 01:08:53,788 --> 01:08:56,468 That's his real name, Fanny. It's like Americans for "donkeys." 1335 01:08:56,540 --> 01:08:59,173 Now you might all think who are my other brothers 1336 01:08:59,250 --> 01:09:02,263 who that comes out of wood because he's fine for himself. 1337 01:09:02,378 --> 01:09:03,801 But you're wrong. 1338 01:09:03,879 --> 01:09:06,678 Because I'm here to tell you the danger of the phone 1339 01:09:06,964 --> 01:09:09,977 Lemon Phone Phone Keith Lemon 1340 01:09:10,634 --> 01:09:13,682 Continue to use it, and you will all end up with a face like he is up there. 1341 01:09:14,261 --> 01:09:15,405 - Kelly Brook - (Laugh MOCKINGLY) 1342 01:09:15,429 --> 01:09:17,101 And don't get me wrong, Kelly, love. 1343 01:09:17,347 --> 01:09:19,434 I used to wear my eyelashes above you. 1344 01:09:19,932 --> 01:09:21,024 But now no, Kelly. 1345 01:09:21,142 --> 01:09:25,613 No now you have a face like an old blister pisspot. 1346 01:09:25,687 --> 01:09:27,887 (IN A DEEP VOICE) My career! My face, my beautiful face! 1347 01:09:28,480 --> 01:09:32,240 I'm sorry, Kelly. It's no use, you're so cool. 1348 01:09:32,483 --> 01:09:34,363 - I will never work again - KEITH: It looks good. 1349 01:09:34,401 --> 01:09:36,004 Just put the bag on your head, it's okay 1350 01:09:36,028 --> 01:09:38,744 Look at them! Look at them, Keith. They all change! 1351 01:09:38,821 --> 01:09:40,292 - Look at their faces! - (SCREAMING) 1352 01:09:40,364 --> 01:09:42,369 Van Outen! Small Steps! 1353 01:09:42,699 --> 01:09:43,873 Oh, for damn sake! 1354 01:09:44,158 --> 01:09:46,044 - Moylesie! - What? 1355 01:09:46,202 --> 01:09:48,538 Holly Willoughbooby, Nostrils! 1356 01:09:48,995 --> 01:09:50,585 Damn Sengsek blew & apos; trumpet! 1357 01:09:51,706 --> 01:09:54,422 - Gino D & apos; Acampoff - (MUMBLING) 1358 01:09:55,167 --> 01:09:57,088 Peter Andre and Jason Doneover. 1359 01:09:57,710 --> 01:10:01,007 You sucks, Keith, kid. You're in bullshit 1360 01:10:01,463 --> 01:10:03,384 Let the bell meet finally. 1361 01:10:04,632 --> 01:10:06,304 I'll see you in the sequel. 1362 01:10:08,009 --> 01:10:09,609 (IN A DEEP VOICE) I will never work again. 1363 01:10:10,428 --> 01:10:11,555 Come on! 1364 01:10:15,223 --> 01:10:16,860 - Wanker! - Yes! 1365 01:10:18,809 --> 01:10:20,203 Hey, when you see that Keith Lemon, 1366 01:10:20,227 --> 01:10:22,314 you told him that I would do it
01:10:24,448 My mouth is the center of the Hoff. 1368 01:10:24,772 --> 01:10:26,776 The picture entered from the past loyal fans 1369 01:10:26,857 --> 01:10:29,537 who are now angry with northern businessman. 1370 01:10:30,192 --> 01:10:31,948 (INDISTINCT YELLING) 1371 01:10:32,402 --> 01:10:34,039 (TERMINATION) 1372 01:10:35,154 --> 01:10:37,455 Kushvinder, what's going on? 1373 01:10:37,531 --> 01:10:40,544 It seems like they blame your phone for a good mouth. 1374 01:10:40,617 --> 01:10:41,827 Call me? 1375 01:10:41,951 --> 01:10:43,920 - isn't it You tested this PAT & apos ?? - Of course. 1376 01:10:43,994 --> 01:10:46,711 Pat tested it and he said it was brilliant. 1377 01:10:46,955 --> 01:10:50,169 - Isn't that right, Pat? - Oh, yes, this is amazing. 1378 01:10:50,249 --> 01:10:52,300 It has a level of enthusiasm, it has Sati-nav, 1379 01:10:52,375 --> 01:10:54,594 the ringtone melody option! 1380 01:10:54,669 --> 01:10:56,056 I mean PAT. 1381 01:10:56,128 --> 01:10:59,425 Which means "testing a portable device," you dingbats! 1382 01:11:00,548 --> 01:11:01,592 It's time to go home. 1383 01:11:01,674 --> 01:11:04,852 Thank you for 8 , 2% check the dirty corridor 1384 01:11:04,968 --> 01:11:06,309 How! 1385 01:11:13,141 --> 01:11:14,564 (LOUD SCREAMING) 1386 01:11:25,275 --> 01:11:27,575 - He headed for the roof. - (INDISTINCT YELLING ) 1387 01:11:33,239 --> 01:11:34,911 Help me! Help me! 1388 01:11:35,782 --> 01:11:38,878 Someone help me! Kelly Brook will kill me now! 1389 01:11:38,993 --> 01:11:40,833 - He will cut me knackers off! - (COUGH) 1390 01:11:42,621 --> 01:11:44,708 Archi-bee-gees, they will kill me 1391 01:11:44,789 --> 01:11:48,003 I dream that it has turned into a bad luck. < br /> This is a nightmare! 1392 01:11:48,083 --> 01:11:51,012 Look, I'm here for some peace and quiet 50 fuck off. 1393 01:11:51,252 --> 01:11:52,344 (BANGING ON DOOR) 1394 01:11:52,420 --> 01:11:54,420 (BANGING ON DOOR) 1395 01:11:54,505 --> 01:11:55,705 p> 1396 01:11:56,756 --> 01:11:57,800 KELLY: We will tear your ball is dead, Keith Lemon! 1397 01:11:58,049 --> 01:12:01,097 He sounds very angry with me. 1398 01:12:01,593 --> 01:12:05,056 This is Kelly! 1399 01:12:06,222 --> 01:12:09,020 - Looks like you don't have long, man. - I will kill you, Keith Lemon. 1400 01:12:09,099 --> 01:12:10,579 I have destroyed everything. I have a chance and I blow it. 1401 01:12:10,892 --> 01:12:12,492 There is no other choice for selfish bastards like me. 1402 01:12:12,518 --> 01:12:14,273 - I will kill meself - Just do it. 1403 01:12:14,352 --> 01:12:16,032 I'll destroy my skull for smithereens. 1404 01:12:16,062 --> 01:12:17,106 I don't care. 1405 01:12:17,188 --> 01:12:19,691 And a fox can come along and lick me clean eyeballs! 1406 01:12:19,773 --> 01:12:21,576 - Adiós, amigo - (PANTING) 1407 01:12:26,069 --> 01:12:29,034 I'm sorry, Rosie. I'm sorry, Douglas. 1408 01:12:29,781 --> 01:12:33,126 I'm sorry.
I'm sorry! 1409 01:12:35,576 --> 01:12:36,964 (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) 1410 01:12:37,119 --> 01:12:38,542 (SPRAYING) 1411 01:12:40,121 --> 01:12:44,759 Rosie, regardless of my destruction handsome and I'm tallywacker, 1412 01:12:46,084 --> 01:12:50,555 as thick as Coke can, why are you with me & apos?? 1413 01:12:51,880 --> 01:12:54,644 Well, everyone thinks they know Keith Lemon, 1414 01:12:56,133 --> 01:13:00,059 is obsessed with yourself know-that-all who really doesn't know anything 1415 01:13:00,303 --> 01:13:02,105 I know a few things. 1416 01:13:02,638 --> 01:13:04,808 But I know the real Keith Lemon. 1417 01:13:04,890 --> 01:13:09,563

1418 01:13:14,272 --> 01:13:15,872 So, will you make me white? 1419 01:13:16,690 --> 01:13:19,158 Leave your white pieces I like them 1420 01:13:20,860 --> 01:13:22,117 Fair do it. 1421 01:13:23,362 --> 01:13:24,453 (GIGGLING) 1422 01:13:24,529 --> 01:13:25,703 (BANGING ON DOOR) 1423 01:13:31,201 --> 01:13:33,668 - What am I doing? - Killing yourself, friend 1424 01:13:34,662 --> 01:13:37,295 Sylvester Stallone won't 1425 01:13:37,539 --> 01:13:40,124 He will return and fight the enemy and save that day. 1426 01:13:41,959 --> 01:13:46,217 That's what I have to do. I have to go back and save the day. 1427 01:13:47,338 --> 01:13:50,386 More wisely, I have to save Rosie. 1428 01:13:51,549 --> 01:13:54,313 - Love my life. - You're a good person 1429 01:13:55,385 --> 01:13:57,935 - I know that! - thank you 1430 01:13:58,554 --> 01:13:59,895 (THUDDING) 1431 01:14:00,931 --> 01:14:03,611 - What's wrong & apos ;? What's wrong, Archimedes? - (MOANING) 1432 01:14:03,683 --> 01:14:05,154 Do you have aneptileptic match? 1433 01:14:05,643 --> 01:14:07,482 Aku akan membunuhmu, Keith Lemon! 1434 01:14:07,561 --> 01:14:10,574 Are there doctors on the roof ?? I need a doctor! 1436 01:14:20,904 --> 01:14:23,372 I'm not a ginger twat. I'm a strawberry blonde. 1437 01:14:23,448 --> 01:14:24,871 Well, you're still twat! 1438 01:14:25,908 --> 01:14:27,200 (RINTIHAN) 1439 01:14:28,118 --> 01:14:29,328 Cheese and rice! 1440 01:14:32,955 --> 01:14:34,675 (EXCLAIMING) 1441 01:14:39,168 --> 01:14:40,923 - (SPITTING) - ( KEITH SCREAMING) 1444 01:15:07,021 --> 01:15:09,322 So far, you've been like me gardening angels 1445 01:15:09,523 --> 01:15:10,697 Guardian angels. 1446 01:15:11,566 --> 01:15:15,243 - Wow! - Keith , I fix you to fix me 1447 01:15:16,278 --> 01:15:19,161 You help me get my wings by seeing your path mistakes. 1448 01:15:19,280 --> 01:15:21,783 And I help you experience it a life that you think you want . 1449 01:15:22,700 --> 01:15:26,163 But sometimes what you want is not always what you really need 1450 01:15:28,204 --> 01:15:29,414 I know what I need. 1452 01:15:35,251 --> 01:15:37,302 (SAY ) 1453 01:15:39,420 --> 01:15:41,804 Put me down, you will kill me! 1456 01:16:10,985 --> 01:16:13,488 That's it. United States in Leeds. 1457 01:16:16,281 --> 01:16:20,290 Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock. That's it. Your time is up. 1458 01:16:20,409 --> 01:16:23,256 And there doesn't seem to be a show of Lemon. 1459 01:16:23,328 --> 01:16:25,546 He can't like you that much, can he, eh & apos?? 1460 01:16:25,621 --> 01:16:30,341 Livin's place of residence in London, with Kelly Brook 1461 01:16:30,833 --> 01:16:32,386 - Do you know what I'm thinking & apos ?; - No. 1462 01:16:32,459 --> 01:16:33,659 I think you're jealous of her. 1463 01:16:33,710 --> 01:16:35,771 I think you wish you were in London with Kelly Brook, 1464 01:16:35,795 --> 01:16:38,760 not stuck here in this shithole with your boyfriend who broke his head. 1465 01:16:38,839 --> 01:16:42,895 You I don't even have a big screen television yet. But what do you know & apos ?? Keith has. 1467 01:16:45,511 --> 01:16:47,231 And I'm not just talking about television 1468 01:16:47,345 --> 01:16:49,148 (MUMBLING) He has a point, you know. 1469 01:16:49,263 --> 01:16:51,647 Saya pikir kamu bilang Anda menyukai ayam kecil saya. 1470 01:16:51,724 --> 01:16:52,815 (MUMBLING INCOHERENTLY) 1471 01:16:52,891 --> 01:16:55,939 You said it was right inside you as calm as a bug on the carpet. 1472 01:16:56,269 --> 01:16:59,530 You know, some... Dennis, what happened to your mouth? 1473 01:16:59,604 --> 01:17:00,648 I don't know 1474 01:17:00,730 --> 01:17:03,778 Sometimes I don't know where do I stand with you, Dennis, I don't. 1475 01:17:03,857 --> 01:17:06,491 This is a hug and slap, and it's a hug and a slap. 1476 01:17:06,568 --> 01:17:08,128 You will get a slap when Keith returns. 1477 01:17:09,612 --> 01:17:10,999 That's a poem. 1478 01:17:11,071 --> 01:17:14,250 Drop him into the barrel, You tweet tweets. 1479 01:17:14,324 --> 01:17:15,794 There are other rhymes for you there. 1480 01:17:22,580 --> 01:17:24,335 Enough! 1481 01:17:24,915 --> 01:17:26,125 - (YELLING) - Dougie ! 1482 01:17:29,626 --> 01:17:31,066 (INHALES SHARPLY) It must be hurt. 1483 01:17:31,628 --> 01:17:34,391 There. Place for warehouse warehouse Evil Steve. 1484 01:17:34,714 --> 01:17:35,971 Ready, man & apos;? 1485 01:17:38,800 --> 01:17:39,891 I'm ready. 1486 01:17:39,967 --> 01:17:41,557 - Good luck. - Damn! 1487 01:17:42,761 --> 01:17:44,600 - Peace, bruv. - Damn! 1488 01:17:50,392 --> 01:17:51,649 - Keith? - Rosie. 1489 01:17:51,726 --> 01:17:53,019 Where have you been? & 1490 01:17:55,687 --> 01:17:56,861 1491 01:17:57,605 --> 01:17:59,740 1492 01:17:59,857 --> 01:18:01,743 I don't know where I am. 1493 01:18:01,817 --> 01:18:05,328 I'm so far away I donkey chasing me a dream, 1494 01:18:06,445 --> 01:18:11,877 I can't see what it is. 1495 01:18:12,658 --> 01:18:15,623 But I want you to know all the stupid things I do... 1496 01:18:16,202 --> 01:18:17,543 Leaving you and having sex through clothes with the famous floozy, 1497 01:18:18,037 --> 01:18:20,237 doesn't really reflect about what I feel about you. 1498 01:18:20,539 --> 01:18:21,582 Are you going to drop me off now? 1499 01:18:22,582 --> 01:18:26,010 You are the second best thing It ever happened to me. 1500 01:18:26,085 --> 01:18:27,721 Second & apos; What's the first 1501 01:18:29,462 --> 01:18:31,134 - Kelly Brook, of course. I'm kidding. - Right, lower me so I can hit you 1502 01:18:31,422 --> 01:18:34,767 And I love you more than I love myself. 1503 01:18:35,675 --> 01:18:37,596 And I love myself very much. 1504 01:18:38,302 --> 01:18:41,315 But I also love you intruder. 1505 01:18:41,805 --> 01:18:43,607 What am I say is, um... 1506 01:18:47,225 --> 01:18:48,613 Will you marry me & apos ?; 1507 01:18:50,436 --> 01:18:52,191 Why do I want to marry someone who is arrogant, 1508 01:18:52,312 --> 01:18:55,242 self obsessed with know-it- all who really doesn't know anything & apos;? 1509 01:18:56,482 --> 01:18:57,609 (EXHALES) 1510 01:18:58,484 --> 01:19:01,164 Because you said that I made you smile. 1511 01:19:01,986 --> 01:19:03,706 Well , I'm not smiling now, right? 1512 01:19:04,655 --> 01:19:07,158 What, even if I do my horn sound & apos?? 1513 01:19:07,866 --> 01:19:11,578 (HONKING) 1516 01:19:21,375 --> 01:19:23,131 You smile Is that yes & apos ?; 1517 01:19:26,379 --> 01:19:27,553 (SOBBING) Yes. 1518 01:19:27,630 --> 01:19:29,018 Yarussky! 1519 01:19:30,215 --> 01:19:32,551 - Can you help me? 1520 01:19:33,218 --> 01:19:34,938 Take him down, damn idiot. 1521 01:19:35,886 --> 01:19:38,436 (Laughter) Come on, then. 1522 01:19:38,638 --> 01:19:39,979 (CHUCKLING) 1523 01:19:43,225 --> 01:19:44,778 Heaven, here I come. 1524 01:19:46,436 --> 01:19:48,855 - KEITH: Let's finish this marriage. - (DOUGIE GROANING) 1525 01:19:48,937 --> 01:19:51,357 Douglas, forgive me for calling you wrong 1526 01:19:51,439 --> 01:19:52,732 - It's OK. - Also, 1527 01:19:52,815 --> 01:19:55,449 I took you down as the main person. 1528 01:19:55,526 --> 01:19:58,075 - Fair do & apos; s - You are now the best person 1529 01:19:59,779 --> 01:20:02,412 - Yes! Thank you Jesus! - (ROSIE CHUCKLING) 1530 01:20:02,864 --> 01:20:04,834 Oh, Keith, I'll get it speeches from the internet 1531 01:20:04,908 --> 01:20:05,999 I'll never be like that... Oh! 1532 01:20:06,075 --> 01:20:07,581 Ow! Oh, Dougie. p> 1533 01:20:08,619 --> 01:20:11,466 Later, we will discuss the devastating effect of 1534 01:20:11,537 --> 01:20:14,040 on Lemon Phone, Keith Lemon Phone. 1535 01:20:14,123 --> 01:20:18,463 So if you or someone else You know has been affected by the effect, 1536 01:20:18,543 --> 01:20:21,804 then we will discuss the effect if it has affected you 1537 01:20:22,295 --> 01:20:25,842 But first, a few weeks ago, we met a woman with two cunts. 1538 01:20:25,923 --> 01:20:27,643 Today, as a pan, our sex week, 1539 01:20:27,716 --> 01:20:30,219 we meet a man with a penis and one vagina. 1540 01:20:30,385 --> 01:20:32,465 Strange Paul, thank you very much for entering 1541 01:20:35,972 --> 01:20:37,229 KEITH: And when credit is rolling, 1542 01:20:37,306 --> 01:20:40,520 > 1543 01:20:40,601 --> 01:20:42,411 That way I will end cinematic 2D moralistic trip. 1544 01:20:42,435 --> 01:20:45,199 I want to tell you that I rotate Securipoles 1545 01:20:45,271 --> 01:20:49,232 to the water pump for children thirsty child from the Fourth World. 1546 01:20:49,315 --> 01:20:51,616 Or I find my true father and he teaches me the true meaning 1547 01:20:51,901 --> 01:20:54,830 race and blessings and tingling. 1548 01:20:54,903 --> 01:20:58,248 Or even that I keep Kelly Brook dry 1549 01:20:58,864 --> 01:20:59,991 until I break the tuppence into a thousand pieces. 1550 01:21:00,240 --> 01:21:02,576 Well, I sit with Rosie and we have three children. 1551 01:21:02,950 --> 01:21:06,046 Eminem, Britney and One Direction. 1552 01:21:06,703 --> 01:21:10,131 Archimedes can be so Pigmentation of imagination me. 1553 01:21:10,206 --> 01:21:11,249 But what do you know? 1554 01:21:11,332 --> 01:21:13,632 His writing dialog I learned important lessons. 1555 01:21:14,042 --> 01:21:15,928 Grass can be greener on the other hand , 1556 01:21:16,252 --> 01:21:19,181 but I'm happy with my paving crazy. 1557 01:21:19,254 --> 01:21:21,887 And to answer that question that people always ask me, 1558 01:21:22,048 --> 01:21:25,890 yes, that's the size my real penis. 1559 01:21:26,259 --> 01:21:28,643 As thick as Coke is. > (LAUGH) 1560 01:21:28,719 --> 01:21:31,732 Hey, I'll tell you what, let's have some bloopers 1561 01:21:31,805 --> 01:21:33,015 like in Cannonball Run. 1562 01:21:34,432 --> 01:21:35,742 I think it's fucking < br /> when they do it in the film. 1563 01:21:35,766 --> 01:21:36,858 seperti di Cannonball Run. 1564 01:21:36,934 --> 01:21:40,527 Kupikir itu sialan ketika mereka melakukannya di film itu. 1565 01:21:42,563 --> 01:21:45,326 I'm strawberry blonde. I'm a blond strawberry, right? 1566 01:21:47,191 --> 01:21:48,994 (CHUCKLING) Leigh, stop laughing damnly. 1567 01:21:49,068 --> 01:21:50,111 Sorry... 1568 01:21:50,193 --> 01:21:52,696 - sorry Yes I know. - Here it is now 1569 01:21:53,237 --> 01:21:56,583 MAN: There's something on Paddy's chin just there, a little shiny. 1570 01:21:56,865 --> 01:21:58,253 WOMEN: I think it's my lipstick. 1571 01:21:58,324 --> 01:21:59,712 - MAN: Alright. - Oh dear. 1572 01:21:59,784 --> 01:22:01,219 Wonder how to get there & apos ?; (LAUGH) 1573 01:22:01,243 --> 01:22:02,454 It's a little awkward. 1574 01:22:02,536 --> 01:22:03,663 WOMEN: Really? MAN: Stand by. 1575 01:22:03,829 --> 01:22:08,169 And arrogant attitude, I sounds like sound. 1576 01:22:08,665 --> 01:22:10,504 Sound is heard. 1577 01:22:11,584 --> 01:22:12,841 (LAUGH) 1578 01:22:13,002 --> 01:22:14,343 Sounds like a pound. 1579 01:22:14,837 --> 01:22:17,221 What is it? Is it This is nonsense, bruv? 1580 01:22:18,548 --> 01:22:20,317 Well, that's my phone and it looks like you broke it. 1581 01:22:20,341 --> 01:22:23,223 And that is Billy Ocean and I think it sings very well. 1582 01:22:25,052 --> 01:22:27,520 LEIGH FRANCIS: ♪ And do the things that you love do 1583 01:22:27,596 --> 01:22:29,601 ♪ Because when things get tough 1584 01:22:29,889 --> 01:22:31,312 ♪ It's hard to go 1585 01:22:31,390 --> 01:22:33,525 FRANCIS: ♪ When things get bad ♪ 1586 01:22:33,600 --> 01:22:35,735 (BOTH CONTINUE HUMMING) 1587 01:22:36,227 --> 01:22:37,401 (LAUGH) 1588 01:22:40,981 --> 01:22:43,151 Oh, fuck, I can't cancel it. (LAUGH) 1589 01:22:44,817 --> 01:22:46,158 How sexy is that? 1590 01:22:47,402 --> 01:22:49,074 MAN: Look! Debris. 1591 01:22:55,241 --> 01:22:58,005 That's the second time you've messed it up in the ass. 1592 01:23:00,120 --> 01:23:01,959 What do you want & apos;? 1593 01:23:03,206 --> 01:23:04,498 VERNE TROYER: Fuck 1594 01:23:04,915 --> 01:23:06,303 - do you want to make love? - TROYER: No. 1595 01:23:06,375 --> 01:23:08,379 What's the use & apos;? 1596 01:23:08,501 --> 01:23:09,675 (CHUCKLING) 1597 01:23:10,044 --> 01:23:11,764 Playback selector! 1598 01:23:19,051 --> 01:23:21,138 - That's the signal. - (LAUGH) 1599 01:23:21,969 --> 01:23:23,440 That means press... 1600 01:23:23,846 --> 01:23:26,064 That's the story "press the button." 1601 01:23:26,139 --> 01:23:27,183 (ALL THOUGHTS) 1602 01:23:27,807 --> 01:23:30,191 - Simon Pegg? < br /> - No, Ronan Keating. 1603 01:23:30,476 --> 01:23:33,690 - Oh, right, yes, from Take That. - No, it's Gary Barlow. 1604 01:23:34,437 --> 01:23:35,824 No, Simon Pegg. 1605 01:23:35,896 --> 01:23:37,450 Even though I thought, "Gary Barlow." 1606 01:23:37,564 --> 01:23:38,833 - You screwed it up. - No, you did 1607 01:23:38,857 --> 01:23:40,031 (BOTH SEA) 1608 01:23:40,900 --> 01:23:42,110 > 1609 01:23:42,318 --> 01:23:45,117 (KEITH LAUGHING) 1610 01:23:45,737 --> 01:23:47,030 KEITH: Oh, that's funny. I fucking love bloopers! 1611 01:23:47,947 --> 01:23:49,667 Ah, miss me, me! 1612 01:23:49,740 --> 01:23:51,542 ♪ I like to see girls around 1613 01:23:51,616 --> 01:23:53,385 ♪ When they come out and shoppin & apos; in the city 1614 01:23:53,409 --> 01:23:55,378 ♪ They make me wild I can't help but smile 1615 01:23:55,452 --> 01:23:57,208 ♪ I'll ask her name, it's so sweet, polite 1616 01:23:57,287 --> 01:23:59,089 ♪ And all the good girls always reply 1617 01:23:59,164 --> 01:24:01,183 ♪ While some of them hold them back high heads and answers. .. 1618 01:24:01,207 --> 01:24:03,434 - GIRL: I don't think so, baby! - ♪ And keep going, I like girls 1619 01:24:03,458 --> 01:24:04,769 ♪ You like the good, I like the bad 1620 01:24:04,793 --> 01:24:06,478 ♪ Freaky and crazy, sexy and happy 1621 01:24:06,502 --> 01:24:08,423 ♪ I like girls ♪ Feel any taste 1622 01:24:08,504 --> 01:24:11,054 ♪ Chocolate, vanilla , caramel what I like ♪ I like girls 1623 01:24:11,131 --> 01:24:14,568 ♪ Then I need a very broad choice - big girl, skinny girl, close-to-perfection girl 1624 01:24:14,592 --> 01:24:16,312 ♪ When they make me smile and giggle 1625 01:24:16,385 --> 01:24:17,772 ♪ And it's simple and simple 1626 01:24:17,844 --> 01:24:20,324 ♪ I like it when they move their bodies and they shake their bodies 1627 01:24:20,763 --> 01:24:22,448 ♪ Ordinary and simple ♪ I like it as they move their bodies 1628 01:24:22,472 --> 01:24:23,683 ♪ And they shake their bodies 1629 01:24:24,432 --> 01:24:26,159 ♪ Ordinary and simple ♪ I like it when they move their bodies 1630 01:24:26,183 --> 01:24:27,441 ♪ And they shake their bodies 1631 01:24:28,268 --> 01:24:29,912 ♪ Ordinary and simple ♪ I like it when they move their bodies 1632 01:24:29,936 --> 01:24:31,407 ♪ And they shake their bodies 1633 01:24:31,479 --> 01:24:32,820 ♪ And it's simple and simple 1634 01:24:32,897 --> 01:24:34,736 ♪ You know I like them, all kinds of girls 1636 01:24:36,775 --> 01:24:38,293 ♪ I like girls who don't care 1637 01:24:38,317 --> 01:24:40,653 ♪ Like Alicia, Natasha, Angela and Pam 1638 01:24:40,736 --> 01:24:42,242 ♪ I will take them one at a time 1639 01:24:42,320 --> 01:24:44,242 ♪ In the end they are cleansed, done and done 1640 01:24:44,322 --> 01:24:46,326 ♪ He wants to talk, I just want to know your name 1641 01:24:46,407 --> 01:24:48,634 ♪ And you can come and play my game < br /> ♪ I like it when they move their bodies 1642 01:24:48,658 --> 01:24:49,915 ♪ And they shake their bodies 1643 01:24:50,743 --> 01:24:52,429 ♪ Ordinary and simple ♪ I like it when they move their bodies 1644 01:24:52,453 --> 01:24:53,710 ♪ And they shake their bodies 1645 01:24:54,496 --> 01:24:56,182 ♪ Ordinary and simple ♪ I like it when they move their bodies 1646 01:24:56,206 --> 01:24:57,286 ♪ And they shake their bodies 1647 01:24:58,249 --> 01:24:59,976 ♪ Ordinary and simple ♪ I like it when they move their bodies 1648 01:25:00,000 --> 01:25:01,280 ♪ And they shake their bodies... ♪