1 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:29,559 Ah, the Heckler & Koch G-36. 2 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:31,835 Quite deadly in the right hands. 3 00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:56,114 Ah, Agent One. 4 00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:01,192 I have been so looking forward to this moment. 5 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:05,717 Well, in that case, I'll try not to disappoint. 6 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:10,715 You overestimate your power over women, Mr English. 7 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:14,680 I'd say that would be virtually impossible. 8 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:31,074 Sir? Sir? 9 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:34,789 Sir! Have you got them? 10 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:38,509 - Hmm? - The mission documents. Agent One's flying tonight. 11 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:43,037 Yes, the mission documents. They're here somewhere. Ah, here we are. 12 00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:47,596 Agent One. 13 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:49,477 Gentlemen. 14 00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:57,477 I'm here for my documents. 15 00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:00,757 Bough, Agent One's documents, please. 16 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,350 Thank you. 17 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:08,476 Your mission documents, Agent One. 18 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:12,269 Including the codes for the submarine hatch, which I've checked myself. 19 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:15,033 Thank you. 20 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:20,069 So, is it just France tonight, or will you be slipping over the Pyrenees as well? 21 00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:23,869 If I told you that, I'm afraid I'd have to kill you. 22 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:28,112 Oh. 23 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:33,479 Oh, yes, yes. Well, I expect you would. 24 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:35,471 Cheerio, Agent One. 25 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:38,632 Bonne chance. Arrivederci. 26 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:44,870 Such class. Such distinction. 27 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:49,472 To: Ml7 All Depts. Urgent Agent One killed in action in Biarritz. 28 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:53,030 Submarine hatch failed to open. 29 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:58,148 The greatest secret agent England's ever had snuffed out in an instant. 30 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:00,993 Terrible. 31 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:04,993 Do you know what makes us envied the world over, Bough? 32 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:08,834 - That there's always another agent waiting to step in. - Absolutely, sir. 33 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:12,230 And every last one of them is gathered around that grave. 34 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:16,598 It is our honour and privilege to guard them while they grieve. 35 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:20,673 Their lives are in our hands, Bough. 36 00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:31,999 Everything in order, English? 37 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:35,789 I think you'll find it's rather more than just in order, sir. 38 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:39,793 You're now entering the most secure location in the whole of England. 39 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,395 Pegasus, we face a national crisis. 40 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:53,359 Agent One was clearly onto something, and we have to find out what. 41 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:56,352 I need another agent on this. Who else is there? 42 00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:59,637 No one, Prime Minister. They all died in the explosion. 43 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:01,995 All of them? 44 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,719 Well, luckily there is one who survived. 45 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:06,074 Who? 46 00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:08,515 One eye on the shadows 47 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,319 Protecting his fellows 48 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:14,437 From sunup till the moon on his back 49 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:17,717 - Sendin' villains to Hades A hit with the ladies - Johnny English. 50 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:21,031 A stallion in the sack 51 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:25,113 You can't get your life back when right follows left, Jack 52 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:28,590 The more you see the less you know 53 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:32,878 When others would leak it His service is secret 54 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:36,669 Plays God when it's your time to go 55 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:39,593 Hey, fellas Don't bejealous 56 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:43,036 When they made him they broke the mould 57 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:47,193 So charismatic with an automatic 58 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:50,352 Never prematurely shooting his load 59 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:52,351 Hah! 60 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,431 Queen and country safe and sound 61 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,476 With villains six feet underground 62 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:59,074 And no one knows 'cause no one's found any trace 63 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:01,116 Of a man for all seasons 64 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,714 Loves 'em and leaves 'em alone 65 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:07,270 So alone 66 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:11,114 And you and I wouldn't have a clue who's doin' what, why, when and who 67 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,236 Up a creek with no canoe Watch out 68 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:15,834 For the man for all seasons 69 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:18,718 Loves 'em and leaves 'em alone 70 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:20,711 So alone 71 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:25,920 - But safe at home - But safe at home 72 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:29,470 - Oh, yeah, yeah - But safe at home 73 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:32,154 But safe at home But safe at home 74 00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:39,996 Then you and I wouldn't have a clue who's doin' what, why, when and who 75 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:43,277 Up a creek with no canoe Watch out 76 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:45,555 For the man for all seasons 77 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:49,349 Loves 'em and leaves 'em alone, so alone 78 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:53,433 But safe at home 79 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,471 Right. 80 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:01,473 Johnny English. I'm here to see Pegasus. 81 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:04,757 Still, no sense rushing things. 82 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:10,271 There are some items you need to sign before your briefing. 83 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:13,272 This is your new retinal I.D. Card, 84 00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:16,477 and this is your level nine security clearance. 85 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:19,677 Sign and date, please. 86 00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:21,876 Ah. 87 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:25,555 Oh, reminds me of the old service issue ballpoint. 88 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:29,030 I remember every agent would carry a pen that looked just like this. 89 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:32,317 Completely innocent to the untrained eye, but click it twice... 90 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,269 Ah, English, there you are. 91 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:41,272 Have you seen my secretary? 92 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:44,557 Um... she went out. 93 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:49,275 Um... shall we? 94 00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:56,277 Now, Agent One believed that there was a plot to steal the Crown Jewels. 95 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:59,477 They've recently been through a multimillion-pound restoration, 96 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:01,676 largely paid for by a corporate sponsor. 97 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:05,150 They're due to be unveiled tonight at the Tower of London. 98 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:09,358 The queen is insisting that the ceremony goes ahead, so what we want you to... 99 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:15,316 Hah! Who... Who... 100 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:17,994 Who is the sponsor, sir? 101 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,389 Pascal Sauvage. 102 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:23,392 What, that flouncy Frenchman who owns a couple of prisons? 103 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:26,756 Sauvage's $7 billion empire, English, 104 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,752 operates over 400 prisons in 60 countries. 105 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:32,274 - He's built 25 of them here. - Right, sir. 106 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:34,999 The man's related to the royal family, for goodness'sake. 107 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:39,995 As far as the prime minister's concerned, he's one of the greatest friends England's got. 108 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:45,677 Now, English, I want you at the Tower tonight, monitoring this unveiling. 109 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:48,274 Any chink in security, any weakness, 110 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:51,113 however slight, must be plugged immediately. 111 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,555 Do we understand each other? 112 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:55,631 - Perfectly, sir. - Good. 113 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:58,439 - Oh, yes. - And, uh, English... 114 00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:02,069 we can't afford any mistakes... not tonight. 115 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:06,756 The word "mistake," sir, is not one that appears in my dictionary. 116 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:09,434 THE TOWER OF LONDON 117 00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:14,551 Fantastic car, sir! 118 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:28,076 Mr English, Colonel Sir Anthony Chevenix, head of Royal Security. 119 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:30,071 Ah, Colonel, good evening. 120 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:32,993 - Snipers posted on the roof as per my request? - Thirteen of them. 121 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,992 - Windows? - Refitted with bullet- and shatter-proof glass. 122 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:42,834 I shall now mingle inconspicuously with the guests. 123 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:45,878 - Let me know when Her Majesty arrives. - Very good. 124 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,554 Shall I mingle with you, sir? 125 00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:51,712 Oh, yes, Bough. Once you've checked the roof. 126 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,476 Help! Help! 127 00:10:15,560 --> 00:10:17,516 Well, hello. 128 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,511 Hello yourself. 129 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,398 Johnny English. 130 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,994 Lorna Campbell. 131 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,878 A Bloody Mary, please, not too spicy. 132 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:32,475 So, are you here in some professional capacity? 133 00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:34,835 I worked on the restoration of the jewels. 134 00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:37,832 - Intriguing. - And yourself? 135 00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:41,549 If I told you that, I'm afraid I'd have to kill you. 136 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:43,835 I'd like to see you try. 137 00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:52,596 Monsieur Sauvage, on behalf of Her Majesty, 138 00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:54,875 may I welcome you to the Tower. 139 00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:57,428 Merci, monsieur. 140 00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,272 So, are you here alone, Mr English? 141 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:02,397 That's how I choose to live my life, Miss Campbell. 142 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:07,156 Women want safety, security. I can offer them nothing but danger. 143 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:10,038 Some women find danger very attractive. 144 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:13,157 Women like you, Miss Campbell? 145 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:18,037 Women like me expect men like you... 146 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:20,270 to find that out for yourself. 147 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:23,079 Hmm. 148 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:25,913 Madame. 149 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:30,471 Oh, it's for me, actually. Could your rustle up some of those cheesy niblets? 150 00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:32,915 Now, where were we? 151 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,833 You obviously haven't met our host, Monsieur Sauvage. 152 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:37,990 No, thank God. 153 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:42,631 You know, I think I'd rather have my bottom impaled on a giant cactus... 154 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:45,359 than exchange pleasantries with that jumped-up Frenchman. 155 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:50,355 As far as I'm concerned, the only thing the French should host is an invasion. 156 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:54,433 Sorry, can I help? 157 00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:58,035 Pascal Sauvage, jumped-up Frenchman. 158 00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:01,112 Lorna Campbell. I've been so looking forward to meeting you. 159 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,760 Enchante. 160 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:06,912 But of course! You're Johnny English. I've heard all about you. 161 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:10,515 And between you and me, I'm not so keen on the French myself. 162 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:13,478 But please don't tell them that. 163 00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:16,757 Let me go and search for your nibbly cheese bits. 164 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:20,674 - No, no, no. L... - I insist. The French are, after all, fantastic waiters. 165 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:22,876 - The best in the world. - Well... But-But... 166 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:26,032 - Wait here, and I will wait on you. - No, really. There's no... 167 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:29,317 No. Please, please, please! 168 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:33,431 Hmm. Les Francais. 169 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:38,719 Ils sont very... n'est-ce pas? 170 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:56,875 Ladies and gentlemen, mesdames est messieurs, 171 00:12:56,960 --> 00:13:01,431 bienvenus, welcome tonight to this wonderful occasion. 172 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:05,229 As we stand here in the Tower of London, 173 00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:07,390 the most famous prison in the world, 174 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,916 where these wonderful jewels will rest safely... 175 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,116 under lock and key, 176 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,919 I want to thank you... 177 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:19,151 for giving me this wonderful experience... 178 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:23,677 to contribute to the restoration of these jewels. 179 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:28,072 It was, as we say in France, le top, le best of. 180 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:30,594 And what a beautiful... 181 00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:55,438 It's Colonel Chevenix! He's got a nasty wound, sir. Who hit him? 182 00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:58,990 The assailant. He ran in here. 183 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:01,435 Bough, you guard the door. 184 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:05,069 Aha! 185 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:11,036 For God's sake, Bough, don't come in. The man's a maniac! 186 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:14,351 You don't frighten me! 187 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:16,590 Missed! 188 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:48,034 I've managed to subdue the assailant. 189 00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:52,193 The panic's over. Everything's under control. 190 00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:58,913 Thank you. And now, ladies and gentlemen, 191 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,753 we should compose ourselves for the arrival of Her Majesty... 192 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:04,912 and return to the site of our great nation's... 193 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:09,278 magnificently restored Crown Jewels. 194 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:15,271 I know. I feel it too. 195 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:17,749 The very symbols of our island nation, 196 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:21,594 so close we could almost reach out and... 197 00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:27,038 Pray silence for Her Majesty the Queen. 198 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:30,078 Oh, where are thejewels? 199 00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:32,355 It's an unmitigated disaster, English. 200 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:35,193 I couldn't agree more, sir. 201 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:38,909 Well, we need to get these jewels back, English, and fast. 202 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:46,714 Tell me about this assailant. When they searched the room, there was no sign of him. 203 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,598 Well, the man was clearly a professional. 204 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:52,752 He must have escaped while the queen was being sedated. 205 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:55,752 But he's the only lead we've got. We have to find him. 206 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:59,833 Come in. This is... This is Roger from Data Support. 207 00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:02,957 Please sit down. He'll produce a likeness based on your description. 208 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:06,316 So tell us, what did this man look like? 209 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:09,392 Um... well... 210 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:12,597 he was... big. 211 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:18,471 - Hair colour? - Um... orange. 212 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,597 - Orange? - Mmm. And curly. 213 00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:25,309 Well, frizzy, actually. Frizzy sort of thing. 214 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:27,834 - Frizzy. - An eyepatch. 215 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:31,390 Broken nose. Very few teeth. 216 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,710 Two, I would say, at the most. 217 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:37,076 And a scar on his cheek... 218 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:41,392 in the shape... of a banana. 219 00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:45,359 - Which cheek? - Both cheeks. 220 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:48,238 They sort of met in the middle. 221 00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:58,030 Are you sure about this, English? 222 00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:02,432 Oh, yes, that's him. An uncanny resemblance. 223 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:06,718 Why, it's just as if he's in the room with us. 224 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:16,520 Wow! Look at this, sir. Got all the bells and whistles. 225 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:19,478 Never mind about the gadgets. Just focus on the case. 226 00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:29,313 Oh, uh... 227 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:37,555 Good morning, gentlemen. Thank you very much for waiting. 228 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:41,918 Now, the question that faces us this morning is a simple one. 229 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:46,391 Namely, how did the thieves gain access to this highly secure environment... 230 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:49,677 and then escape with thejewels afterwards? 231 00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:54,550 A simple question, but one which I believe has a complex answer. 232 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:57,757 - Actually, sir... - Uh, please, Bough. My mind is at work. 233 00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:00,718 Now, what you must grasp, gentlemen, is that the master criminal... 234 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:04,998 sees not a room but a series of opportunities. 235 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,355 Should I go in through the window? 236 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:09,351 Possibly. 237 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:13,797 - Should I drop down from the ceiling? - Actually, sir... 238 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:17,634 There's one thing I think we can be fairly confident about, 239 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:20,280 that is that they didn't come up through the floor... 240 00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:22,476 I've got you, sir. 241 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:25,233 That's all right. Just come my way, Bough. 242 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:28,949 - That'll bring me right over the hole, sir. - There's no need to panic. 243 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:34,355 Can you see the bottom yet, Bough? 244 00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:37,273 Not yet, sir. The shaft appears to be narrowing. 245 00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:40,193 I'm just a little bit worried I might get stuck. 246 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:44,432 Trust me, Bough. You won't get stuck if you just keep moving. 247 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:47,193 Yes, sir. 248 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:50,113 I'm okay, sir. 249 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,555 Are you at the bottom now, Bough? 250 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:55,074 No, I am in fact stuck now, sir. 251 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:58,755 Oh, for God's sake, Bough. Stay there! I'm coming down. 252 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:01,957 Uh, I'm not especially sure that's a good idea, sir. 253 00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:04,759 Don't worry. 254 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,274 Be careful, sir! 255 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,829 Gently does it. 256 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:15,559 Sir? 257 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:22,473 - Are you all right, sir? - Yes. I landed on something quite soft. 258 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:25,233 - That was me, sir. - Oh, good. 259 00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,551 What now? 260 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:31,393 There's no way back up there, that's for sure. 261 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,471 But this must lead somewhere. 262 00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:35,630 I'm slightly uncomfortable in the dark, sir. 263 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,870 There's nothing to worry about, Bough. 264 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:41,873 - It may be pitch black, but we can still see. - Can we, sir? How? 265 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:44,633 The Bedouin monks of the Al Maghreb mountains... 266 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:47,029 developed a system of sonic chanting. 267 00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:49,759 - I see, sir. - The sound of their chanting... 268 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,990 would bounce back off any obstacles, 269 00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:54,275 and using their highly tuned ears... 270 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:57,079 they could paint a mental picture of the path ahead. 271 00:19:57,160 --> 00:20:00,232 - Brilliant, sir. - However, you must always sing in E-flat. 272 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:07,078 E-flat, E-flat, E-flat 273 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:11,870 Thank you for the music The songs I'm singing 274 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,554 - Is it working, sir? - Extremely well, thank you, Bough. 275 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,551 Thanks for all the joy that... 276 00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,551 Ow! 277 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:21,950 You all right, sir? I think I can see something, sir. 278 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,474 Oh, yeah. Come on. 279 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:44,676 Here is the long one. 280 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:46,796 It is a long one. 281 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:48,836 Careful. 282 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:55,710 - I knew it. - Shall we call for backup, sir? 283 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:59,634 What? And watch some fat-bottomed bobby make our arrest for us? 284 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:01,631 I don't think so. 285 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:08,072 Good morning, gentlemen. Ml7 at your service. 286 00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:12,915 Observe, Bough, the dull incompetence of the criminal mind. 287 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:17,073 It can never hope to match our level of technical expertise. 288 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:06,316 - You've got it. - What do we do now, sir? 289 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,391 Watch and learn, Bough. 290 00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:16,279 - They're too far ahead of us. - Have faith, Bough. They're heading south. 291 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:27,433 - There they are, sir! - Just as I thought. 292 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:34,515 Hang on tight, Bough. 293 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:44,350 We're never gonna catch them in this. 294 00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:47,318 - Take the wheel, Bough. I'm getting in the Aston. - Sir? 295 00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:54,109 Change places, Bough. I'm getting out the other side. 296 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:56,111 Sir? 297 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:18,070 Set, Bough. Take me up. 298 00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:28,394 Swing me out, Bough! 299 00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:35,470 - Whoa. - Down. 300 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:42,428 Up! Up! 301 00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:48,078 Sorry! 302 00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:52,236 Bough, pull out! 303 00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:00,238 Ow! Ow! 304 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:04,199 Those idiots are right behind us. Faster! 305 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:28,830 Uh-huh. 306 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:55,040 Drop me here, Bough! 307 00:24:58,120 --> 00:25:01,476 Ow! Oh. 308 00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:04,757 No! No! No! 309 00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:07,195 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. 310 00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:45,392 They're turning into the Brompton Cemetery. 311 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:48,870 Get here as soon as you can. I'm going in. 312 00:25:55,880 --> 00:26:00,158 In a wheelchair. But Geoffrey overcame these terrible disabilities... 313 00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:03,949 with that simple resilience and sunny optimism... 314 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:07,112 that so warmed all of us who knew him, 315 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:09,555 spending the rest of his life in the service... 316 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:12,518 of the poor and disabled of this parish. 317 00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:16,639 It's very good. Really very good. 318 00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:19,359 No, no, please go on. I'm sorry to interrupt. 319 00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:22,193 - It's very entertaining. - Who's that? 320 00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:27,149 That priest act of yours should keep the other prisoners entertained for hours. 321 00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:30,073 Oh, I'm so sorry. Where are my manners? Johnny English, 322 00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:33,277 British Secret Service, and you are all under arrest. 323 00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:35,920 I must say you've done this whole thing very well. 324 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,514 The attention to detail is excellent. 325 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:41,637 You, the grieving granny, you're very convincing. 326 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:45,679 Oh, look. Real tears. Do you get paid extra for that? 327 00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:49,514 Ahh, what we're all here for. 328 00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:52,990 I know! Why don't we take a look inside? 329 00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:57,631 Oh, you've nailed it down! 330 00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:00,075 Why would you do that? 331 00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:04,950 I know you're gonna come back in two weeks and dig it up again. 332 00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:12,309 Now, what are you playing in this little vignette of deceit and villainy? 333 00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,436 I'm the hearse driver. 334 00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:17,193 - You're the hearse driver? - Yes, sir. 335 00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:21,590 - You're the hearse driver? - Yes, sir. 336 00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:24,558 Ah! Aha! 337 00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:27,950 There you are... Gunther. 338 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:32,192 Uh, I do hope he hasn't made a nuisance of himself. 339 00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,750 I'm Doctor, um... 340 00:27:38,120 --> 00:27:42,557 Bough, of the Lunatic Response Unit. 341 00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:46,599 I'm afraid Gunther here wasn't supposed to be released until 2028. 342 00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:49,399 Isn't that right, Gunther? 343 00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:53,758 Yes, yes, there's been the most monumental cock-up. 344 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:58,195 Um, if you'll excuse me, with the deepest respect, 345 00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:00,510 utmost sympathy. 346 00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:03,194 Uh, he hasn't urinated on anyone, has he? 347 00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:04,998 - No. - No, no. 348 00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:09,232 That's a blessing. Are you gonna give me the gun, Gunther? 349 00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:18,309 There. That wasn't too difficult, was it? 350 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:22,473 Are you going to come home now? 351 00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:31,517 Oh... in the van! Yes, we are going in the van. 352 00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:33,909 Yes, yes. Vroom, vroom. 353 00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:37,072 - Vroom, vroom. Vroom, vroom. - Yes. Yeah. 354 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:41,517 - - Yes. He's waving good-bye. Good-bye, everyone. 355 00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:43,909 - Good-bye. - Good-bye, Gunther. 356 00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:46,753 Mind the nice dead people. There we go. 357 00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:55,713 Oh, we'll just go to the path here. There. Big step. 358 00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:59,110 It's a graveyard. It's where they bring people... 359 00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:01,270 Yes, all right. You can stop now. 360 00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:05,114 - For appearances, I'll just hold your arm. - Just keep walking. 361 00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:07,555 In fact, run, run, run! 362 00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:17,035 I can't believe I've done this. 363 00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:21,238 I mean, I really cannot believe I've done this! 364 00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:28,671 You see, 200 years ago, 365 00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:33,595 my family should have inherited the throne of England, 366 00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:36,433 but they were cast aside. 367 00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:39,751 Well, in a few very short days, 368 00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:42,957 it will be back where it belongs. 369 00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:48,120 With me. 370 00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:53,513 Shall I try it on? Yes? No? Maybe? 371 00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:57,513 To make you king, we need the archbishop of Canterbury to do that. 372 00:29:57,600 --> 00:29:59,670 The archbishop of Canterbury... 373 00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:03,639 is being taken care of even as we speak. TARGET ACQUIRED 374 00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:06,837 TARGET LOCKED 375 00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:19,148 There's only one thing, sir. What are we going to do about English? 376 00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:25,793 If I were you, I wouldn't worry too much about English. 377 00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:29,509 He is no threat to us. I had his flat bugged. 378 00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:59,270 Clearly, the aptly named English is a fool. 379 00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:02,875 He might be a fool, but he's a fool who keeps showing up. 380 00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:06,873 Well, the next time he shows up, 381 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:08,996 eliminate him. 382 00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:10,069 Thank you. 383 00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:13,630 Dieter Klein and Klaus Vendetta, sir. 384 00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:17,508 Released from prison six months ago. 327 convictions between them. 385 00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:19,636 Armed robbery, grievous bodily harm... 386 00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:22,029 and combined parking fines of more than 400... 387 00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:24,953 Uh, yes, all right. Thank you, Bough. I think we get the picture. 388 00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:28,192 The point is, sir, that Vendetta and Klein... 389 00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:31,670 are both in the employ of Monsieur Sauvage. 390 00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:34,752 - Pascal Sauvage? - Precisely, sir. 391 00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:37,593 But you're not suggesting Sauvage is involved? 392 00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:39,750 I think he's more than just involved, sir. 393 00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:42,195 I'm convinced he's up to his French neck in it. 394 00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:45,670 Don't be absurd. Sauvage employs thousands of people. 395 00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:48,877 Just because two of them are villains doesn't mean that he is. 396 00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:51,952 I want him discounted from this investigation immediately. 397 00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:53,951 Yes, sir. 398 00:31:57,200 --> 00:32:02,115 All right. Tonight I shall be at Sauvage's reception for the new French ambassador. 399 00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:04,873 Any developments, you can reach me there. 400 00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:08,350 Apart from that, I don't want you within a hundred miles of the man. 401 00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:10,396 Absolutely, sir. 402 00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:14,395 Requisition order: Ml7 quartermasters for immediate supply; 403 00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:18,439 one military transport plane, fully fueled, with permission for nighttime city over flight; 404 00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:22,991 two night camouflage parachutes, plus reserves, plus neoprene bodysuits, twice, in black. 405 00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:25,275 I've never liked the navy blue. 406 00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:28,716 And a 40-inch chest for me 'cause I need the sleeve length. 407 00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:30,119 - Morning, Felch. - Morning. 408 00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:32,589 Oh, and two Special Forces signet rings, 409 00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:34,591 primed and colour-coded. 410 00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:37,240 - What's all this for? - For tonight's operation. 411 00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:40,039 We're going to break into Sauvage's headquarters. 412 00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:42,395 - But Pegasus said... - Let me worry about Pegasus. 413 00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:46,712 I know that Sauvage is behind all this, and tonight we're going to get the evidence. 414 00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:50,076 - Is something wrong, sir? - Did that sound like Felch to you? 415 00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:21,237 Bough... 416 00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:37,275 You, upstairs. 417 00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:53,271 Ow. 418 00:34:24,240 --> 00:34:26,310 Can you see him, Bough? 419 00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:29,517 He's on the upper level, sir. 420 00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:36,791 Got him. 421 00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:46,878 And like a coiled viper... he strikes. 422 00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:58,872 So what you're saying, sir, is there must have been two of them? 423 00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:01,155 Oh, at least, Bough. Possibly four. 424 00:35:01,240 --> 00:35:03,276 I wonder why I didn't see them. 425 00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:05,669 You mustn't dwell on your mistakes. 426 00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:08,991 - You must learn from them, then move on. - Yes, sir. 427 00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:12,959 - So where were you, sir? - Just drop it, Bough! 428 00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:20,031 - Aah! What is it, sir? - That bike. 429 00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:24,669 You get things sorted out for tonight. 430 00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:41,878 Well, well, we meet again. 431 00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:44,474 Mr English. What a pleasant surprise. 432 00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:46,596 I wondered when you might show up again. 433 00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:51,071 On the contrary, Miss Campbell. It is not I who keeps showing up. It's you. 434 00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:53,549 Do you like sushi? 435 00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:55,596 Hmm? 436 00:35:57,000 --> 00:36:00,515 Oh, sushi! I practically live off the stuff. 437 00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:04,388 You might say the mysteries of the Orient are no mystery to me. 438 00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:16,794 - Sake? - Ah. Sake. 439 00:36:17,720 --> 00:36:19,756 Cheers. 440 00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:24,994 May all your daughters be born with three bottoms. 441 00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:35,038 Now then, perhaps you can explain how it is... 442 00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:37,680 that I run into you at two crime scenes... 443 00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:41,355 and then can't find any record of you on a single government computer. 444 00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:43,954 Shouldn't you ask the government that? 445 00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:46,600 I am the government and I'm asking you. 446 00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:52,237 Let me. 447 00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:56,154 Mmm. You're brave. 448 00:36:56,240 --> 00:36:59,277 They say that sea urchin's the ultimate acquired taste. 449 00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:03,035 Hmm. It's a personal favourite of mine. 450 00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:11,035 I think people are put off by how it feeds through its bottom. 451 00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:13,350 Would you excuse me for a moment? 452 00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:35,272 Excuse me. Sorry. I'm from Ml7. Sorry. I'm a secret agent. 453 00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:56,432 - Everything set, Bough? - Just about, sir. 454 00:37:56,520 --> 00:38:00,638 Actually, sir, do you mind if I run through the plan one more time? 455 00:38:00,720 --> 00:38:02,950 - No, no. - These are the two buildings here. 456 00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:07,477 This one is our target, Sauvage's headquarters, next to City Hospital. 457 00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:10,757 I jump first and land on the south side of the roof, 458 00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:13,991 abseil down 14 floors and cut through this window here. 459 00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:17,914 I then land on the east side and abseil down 12 floors. 460 00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:21,151 Where you wait for my signal that I've disabled the alarm system. 461 00:38:21,240 --> 00:38:23,708 - Yes. - You them break into this window here, 462 00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:26,473 work your way along the secure corridor and penetrate Sauvage's office. 463 00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:29,518 - Yes, yes. - Is that okay, sir? 464 00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:32,558 It's been okay ever since I thought up the idea, Bough. 465 00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:39,672 Oh, I nearly forgot, sir. Your laser beacon. 466 00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:42,672 - My what? - Your laser beacon! 467 00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:45,354 It'll guide you onto Sauvage's building. 468 00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:48,796 Your dependence on hardware really does amuse me, Bough. 469 00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:51,599 I've been dropped into the Kalahari Desert... 470 00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:56,037 carrying nothing more than a toothbrush and a packet of sherbet lemons, 471 00:38:56,120 --> 00:39:00,272 and I still found my way to Bulawayo before Ramadan. 472 00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:04,194 So thank you, Bough, but no thank you. 473 00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:09,395 Bough, go! 474 00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:11,948 Geronimo! 475 00:39:37,720 --> 00:39:42,271 Fandango! 476 00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:07,757 Ugh! Ai-yi-yi. 477 00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:14,909 Right. 478 00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:33,230 Alarm's disabled, sir. 479 00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:35,231 Roger that, Bough. 480 00:41:11,240 --> 00:41:14,118 This is worse than I thought, Bough. 481 00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:18,239 Sauvage has got some kind of laboratory set up here. 482 00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:21,357 God knows what kind of sick operation he's running. 483 00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:36,639 My God, what have they done to you? 484 00:41:36,720 --> 00:41:39,917 They've taken some of my blood. 485 00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:43,390 - Bastards! - It's only for tests. 486 00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:46,233 Of course it is. Come on, my friend. 487 00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:49,392 Let's get you out of here before they take anything else. 488 00:41:57,320 --> 00:42:01,359 Ah! Good evening, Dr Frankenstein. 489 00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:03,476 This way, please. 490 00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:06,313 Come on. I haven't got all night. 491 00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:09,278 And you, you angels of death. 492 00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:11,999 About turn. Come on, let's go. 493 00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:14,310 Come on, come on. Keep moving. 494 00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:17,790 Come on. Over there. I know what you're doing here. And you. 495 00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:20,952 Come on. Quicker. Quicker. Over there. 496 00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:25,113 Now then, 497 00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:28,192 perhaps you could direct me to your evil paymaster. 498 00:42:28,280 --> 00:42:32,637 - What are you talking about? - You know exactly what I'm talking about. 499 00:42:32,720 --> 00:42:36,599 Where is the office of Pascal Sauvage? 500 00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:03,512 Are you coming over here in a minute, sir? 501 00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:07,512 I'm from Ml7. 502 00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:10,433 This has been a test of your emergency response systems, 503 00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:13,637 and I have to say you've all done extremely well. 504 00:43:13,720 --> 00:43:16,837 Right. Well, I'll leave you to it. 505 00:43:16,920 --> 00:43:18,911 And, uh, get well soon. 506 00:43:24,240 --> 00:43:28,358 Oh, God! 507 00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:48,550 Sir. Sir. 508 00:43:55,120 --> 00:43:58,396 Did you just land on the wrong building? 509 00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:02,234 I did a precautionary sweep of the immediate environment. 510 00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:04,311 Right. 511 00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:07,835 - And everything was fine. - Good. 512 00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:10,036 Okay, let's go. 513 00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:19,556 I will be downstairs at the reception... 514 00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:29,908 - That's far enough. - Well, good evening. 515 00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:33,072 - Perhaps you'd like this as well. - What is it? 516 00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:35,879 - Let me show you. - Aah! 517 00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:38,394 Well executed, Bough, but completely redundant. 518 00:44:38,480 --> 00:44:41,552 - How do you mean, sir? - Super-strength muscle relaxant. 519 00:44:41,640 --> 00:44:44,950 When he wakes up, he'll be as floppy as a damp old sock. 520 00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:52,677 What's this? 521 00:45:06,720 --> 00:45:10,190 That's the face of the archbishop of Canterbury. 522 00:45:13,320 --> 00:45:16,039 What are they doing? 523 00:45:19,840 --> 00:45:23,116 What's this got to do with the Crown Jewels? 524 00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:46,151 Bough. 525 00:46:03,120 --> 00:46:05,076 English. 526 00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:07,913 A people whose empire once covered... 527 00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:11,310 one quarter of the surface of the earth. 528 00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:13,675 Alas, no longer. 529 00:46:13,760 --> 00:46:16,911 My friends ask me, "Pascal, how can you be so interested... 530 00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:21,073 in such a backward, grotty little country?" 531 00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:23,879 My answer is simple: The queen. 532 00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:27,748 The queen has more power in her tiny white gloves... 533 00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:31,276 than any other head of state in the entire world. 534 00:46:31,360 --> 00:46:33,635 She can declare war or make peace, 535 00:46:33,720 --> 00:46:35,995 and most intriguingly... 536 00:46:36,080 --> 00:46:40,756 she can seize any piece of land which takes her fancy. 537 00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:44,549 Of course, the queen never uses... 538 00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:47,313 the enormous power afforded to her. 539 00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:51,916 But imagine someone who would use that power. 540 00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:55,515 Imagine, say, me. 541 00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:59,639 But how could he do that, sir? How could he make himself king? 542 00:46:59,720 --> 00:47:01,790 The archbishop. 543 00:47:11,080 --> 00:47:13,071 Ow. 544 00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:17,790 Hands up. There's a good fellow. 545 00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:19,632 Heavily armed for a late night at the office. 546 00:47:19,720 --> 00:47:24,032 You fool, English. You'll never get out of the building alive. 547 00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:26,315 I'd save your breath for my questioning. 548 00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:28,277 I'm not telling you anything. 549 00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:30,032 Incorrect. 550 00:47:31,280 --> 00:47:33,111 Sodium pentothal. 551 00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:36,590 I won't lie to you. It's a truth serum. 552 00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:41,196 Now then, why does Sauvage want to have himself crowned? 553 00:47:41,280 --> 00:47:44,477 You have no idea what's going on here, do you? 554 00:47:44,560 --> 00:47:47,552 It would be funny if it wasn't so "pablibblit. " 555 00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:48,959 What? 556 00:47:55,560 --> 00:47:57,915 - He's talking gibberish, sir. - I can hear that. 557 00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:02,878 - He's collapsed onto me, sir. - I can see that. 558 00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:06,236 - You don't think you could've got the syringes mixed up? - What? 559 00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:09,153 Given the guard outside truth serum and given Klein the muscle relaxant? 560 00:48:09,240 --> 00:48:11,151 Aah! 561 00:48:11,240 --> 00:48:15,552 Don't be ridiculous, Bough. I think I know my right from my left. 562 00:48:15,640 --> 00:48:18,632 - Sir? - Oh, bugger it. 563 00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:22,116 Bough, take "flodd. " 564 00:48:22,200 --> 00:48:26,159 - Take what, sir? - "Flodd. " "Schlage. " 565 00:48:26,240 --> 00:48:29,596 - I'm not quite getting that second word, sir. - "Schlaaaagh!" 566 00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:31,591 - Write it down, sir. - "Schlaaaagh!" 567 00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:34,672 Yes! 568 00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:38,428 "C." C-A... Uh... 569 00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:42,274 Car! Take the car! We came by plane. 570 00:48:42,360 --> 00:48:45,113 Bugger off! 571 00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:47,395 Hold it right there. 572 00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:50,870 - What's wrong with them? - I'm not telling you. 573 00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:53,758 Wrong answer. 574 00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:55,990 What is it with you two? 575 00:48:56,080 --> 00:48:58,310 Huh? 576 00:48:59,680 --> 00:49:01,318 Let's get outta here. 577 00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:03,311 Sorry, but who are you, exactly? 578 00:49:03,400 --> 00:49:05,994 Special Agent Campbell. I'm attached to Interpol in Paris. 579 00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:08,275 We've been watching Sauvage for months. 580 00:49:08,360 --> 00:49:10,271 Why? 581 00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:13,432 Because every major convict released from a Sauvage prison in six months... 582 00:49:13,520 --> 00:49:15,670 has been employed by one of his companies. 583 00:49:15,760 --> 00:49:18,115 We believe he's recruiting them for a major criminal conspiracy. 584 00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:20,794 We just don't know what yet. 585 00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:24,315 - What did he say? - Pegasus! 586 00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:26,675 We have to report to Pegasus! 587 00:49:26,760 --> 00:49:28,716 Oh, no, sir. No, no, no. 588 00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:31,792 - How do we get out of here? - Hey, you two! 589 00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:34,553 What you did to me really hurt. 590 00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:38,872 Yeah. Sorry about that. How do we get out of here without being seen? 591 00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:41,633 Okay. 592 00:49:41,720 --> 00:49:45,429 Left by the fountain, right by the fire exit, to the elevator at the end. 593 00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:47,829 - Thank you. - Oh, my God. 594 00:49:47,920 --> 00:49:49,592 Nice job, Bough. 595 00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:52,478 Left, sir. Left! 596 00:49:52,560 --> 00:49:55,518 Sir, you can't go to Sauvage's reception in this state. 597 00:49:55,600 --> 00:49:58,398 The effect of the drug has practically worn off. 598 00:49:58,480 --> 00:50:00,357 I'm "fline"... 599 00:50:00,440 --> 00:50:02,590 "schline"... uh, "gline"... 600 00:50:12,320 --> 00:50:14,754 - Monsieur. - Ah. Thank you. 601 00:50:18,720 --> 00:50:20,915 - Would you like another? - Please. 602 00:50:27,040 --> 00:50:28,792 Thank you. 603 00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:36,030 What in God's name... 604 00:50:36,120 --> 00:50:38,076 Ah, Foreign "Sebretarary. " 605 00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:40,594 Um... 606 00:50:40,680 --> 00:50:42,511 Aah! 607 00:50:42,600 --> 00:50:45,831 Shall we dance? 608 00:51:33,720 --> 00:51:36,678 Excuse me, sir. I'm very sorry to interrupt... 609 00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:38,796 Pascal, how nice to see you again. 610 00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:41,394 - Enjoying the party? - Oh, splendid affair. 611 00:51:41,480 --> 00:51:46,395 I was until I was informed that your man English... 612 00:51:46,480 --> 00:51:49,313 and his curious boyfriend here have spent the evening... 613 00:51:49,400 --> 00:51:52,790 breaking into my office and assaulting my staff. 614 00:51:52,880 --> 00:51:56,031 - Is this true, Bough? - Well, we... we... 615 00:52:06,040 --> 00:52:08,235 What do you think you're up to? 616 00:52:08,320 --> 00:52:11,073 - Sir, if I could just offer... - Go home, Bough! 617 00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:12,912 Now! 618 00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:15,514 I gave you direct orders not to meddle with Sauvage. 619 00:52:15,600 --> 00:52:18,910 What do you do? Break into his office and assault two of his staff. 620 00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:23,232 Then you march in here, loaded with God knows what, and insult the foreign secretary. 621 00:52:23,320 --> 00:52:26,039 I haven't encountered such behaviour in Whitehall in 30 years. 622 00:52:26,120 --> 00:52:28,918 - But... - There are no "buts," English. 623 00:52:29,000 --> 00:52:32,470 You're off the case. Your security clearance is hereby cancelled. 624 00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:35,791 After a three-month leave of absence, you will return at your old grade. 625 00:52:35,880 --> 00:52:38,872 And I hope never to hear your name again. 626 00:53:29,520 --> 00:53:31,829 English has seen too much. 627 00:53:31,920 --> 00:53:34,309 We go to plan "B." 628 00:53:34,400 --> 00:53:36,709 Get rid of the fake archbishop... 629 00:53:36,800 --> 00:53:39,598 and green-light the visit to Her Majesty. 630 00:53:39,680 --> 00:53:43,355 Then this pathetic country can humiliate itself... 631 00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:46,000 by crowning me officially. 632 00:53:57,200 --> 00:54:01,273 THE QUEEN'S RESIDENCE AT SANDRINGHAM 633 00:54:11,120 --> 00:54:13,031 That's a letter of abdication... 634 00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:15,031 renouncing your claims to the throne... 635 00:54:15,120 --> 00:54:18,078 and the claims of your entire family. 636 00:54:18,160 --> 00:54:20,071 Sign it. 637 00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:29,791 Never. 638 00:54:40,480 --> 00:54:43,916 Yes? 639 00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:46,958 Prime Minister, sorry to call so late, but I'm afraid the queen is abdicating. 640 00:54:47,040 --> 00:54:48,678 What? 641 00:54:48,760 --> 00:54:52,992 Abdicated? But that's not possible. 642 00:54:53,080 --> 00:54:55,196 I only wish that were true. 643 00:54:55,280 --> 00:54:59,239 - Let me talk to her. Maybe she just... - Pascal, she's gone. 644 00:54:59,320 --> 00:55:01,959 My people have spent the last 10 hours... 645 00:55:02,040 --> 00:55:05,476 trying to track down the rightful heir to the throne... 646 00:55:05,560 --> 00:55:08,677 and they've come up with a name, which they've double-checked. 647 00:55:08,760 --> 00:55:11,149 Who is it? 648 00:55:11,240 --> 00:55:14,232 - It's you. - No! 649 00:55:18,440 --> 00:55:21,352 In the wake of the return of the Crown Jewels... 650 00:55:21,440 --> 00:55:23,396 to a police station in North London, 651 00:55:23,480 --> 00:55:26,119 Pascal Sauvage has requested that his coronation... 652 00:55:26,200 --> 00:55:28,634 take place this Thursday. 653 00:55:28,720 --> 00:55:32,508 In the House, the prime minister said he was looking forward to the ceremony... 654 00:55:32,600 --> 00:55:35,034 and he believed that Monsieur Sauvage will make a fine king... 655 00:55:35,120 --> 00:55:39,750 and will bring all that is best about modern Europe to our ancient institutions. 656 00:55:46,960 --> 00:55:49,520 Get your car keys. We've got work to do. 657 00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:52,637 - Miss Campbell. - Sauvage is heading back to France. 658 00:55:52,720 --> 00:55:57,191 He's invited 13 of the richest criminal masterminds in the world to meet him there. 659 00:55:57,280 --> 00:56:00,590 I'm sorry, Miss Campbell. I'm off the case. 660 00:56:00,880 --> 00:56:02,199 It's been reassigned. 661 00:56:02,280 --> 00:56:04,840 I know. Reassigned to me. 662 00:56:08,360 --> 00:56:10,954 - I want you with me. - Just leave me alone. 663 00:56:11,040 --> 00:56:14,669 Are you gonna sit here in this grotty flat feeling sorry for yourself? 664 00:56:14,760 --> 00:56:17,877 Or are you gonna get out there and save your country? 665 00:56:19,040 --> 00:56:21,270 I'm gonna sit in the flat. 666 00:56:21,360 --> 00:56:25,273 - Johnny, this is ridiculous. - I'm a spent force. 667 00:56:26,960 --> 00:56:29,679 Spent, my ass. 668 00:56:34,360 --> 00:56:36,112 Ow. 669 00:56:37,320 --> 00:56:39,709 Will... you... please... stop? 670 00:56:52,120 --> 00:56:54,111 I'll just be a minute. 671 00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:15,517 NORTHERN FRANCE 672 00:57:37,480 --> 00:57:40,995 It'll be nightfall in an hour. Then we can strike out for the chateau. 673 00:57:41,080 --> 00:57:44,197 The fact is, the moment Sauvage gets that crown on his head, 674 00:57:44,280 --> 00:57:47,397 he'll be able to do whatever he likes with the country that I love, 675 00:57:47,480 --> 00:57:50,119 and that is why you and I have got to stop him. 676 00:57:51,840 --> 00:57:55,355 - Relishing the thought? - Something like that. 677 00:57:58,200 --> 00:58:01,795 I suppose you've made love to lots of women, haven't you, Johnny? 678 00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:08,031 Uh... Uh, well, you know, 679 00:58:08,120 --> 00:58:10,714 one does one's best. 680 00:58:12,120 --> 00:58:13,872 It's just... 681 00:58:13,960 --> 00:58:18,795 Well, it's been three years since my fiance left me, 682 00:58:18,880 --> 00:58:22,555 and since then I haven't made love to anyone. 683 00:58:22,640 --> 00:58:24,471 But then I met you... 684 00:58:25,720 --> 00:58:28,598 and I felt this... hunger... 685 00:58:28,680 --> 00:58:31,797 deep down inside. 686 00:58:31,880 --> 00:58:34,952 I wanted to say things to you, I wanted to do things to you... 687 00:58:35,040 --> 00:58:39,397 that I haven't wanted to do in a very, very, very long time. 688 00:58:43,240 --> 00:58:45,993 What, uh... 689 00:58:46,080 --> 00:58:48,833 What sort of things are we talking about? 690 00:58:48,920 --> 00:58:51,718 Things like punching you in the face, 691 00:58:51,800 --> 00:58:55,031 kicking you in the backside for being such a pompous, know-nothing asshole. 692 00:58:55,120 --> 00:58:59,238 But then I started to see beyond the idiot that everybody else saw. 693 00:58:59,320 --> 00:59:02,232 I started to see the man on the inside... 694 00:59:02,320 --> 00:59:06,279 who was determined to do his duty, no matter what or who lay in his way. 695 00:59:06,360 --> 00:59:10,148 And I began to feel other things for him, 696 00:59:10,240 --> 00:59:14,870 to want to do other things for him. 697 00:59:14,960 --> 00:59:17,315 Things... 698 00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:21,029 involving plastic toys and soft cheese? 699 00:59:21,120 --> 00:59:25,636 - What? - What? What? 700 00:59:25,720 --> 00:59:29,998 You're toying with me. You're telling me to stop in the gentlest way you know how. 701 00:59:30,080 --> 00:59:32,071 No. N-N-No... 702 00:59:32,160 --> 00:59:33,752 You're such a special person... 703 00:59:33,840 --> 00:59:36,912 not to take advantage of me while I'm vulnerable. 704 00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:39,434 - N-No... Well... - So thank you... 705 00:59:39,520 --> 00:59:41,715 for being such a gentleman. 706 00:59:44,160 --> 00:59:46,355 Not at all. 707 01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:10,231 I know what you're thinking, Miss Campbell. 708 01:00:10,320 --> 01:00:13,039 If we don't pull this off, God knows what might happen to England. 709 01:00:13,120 --> 01:00:16,396 Actually, I was thinking there must be a better way in than that pipe. 710 01:00:17,480 --> 01:00:19,516 Well, there isn't. 711 01:00:19,600 --> 01:00:22,512 I've analysed it from every angle, and this is the best option. 712 01:00:22,600 --> 01:00:26,229 I'll go in first, and if it's a clear way through, I'll call down. 713 01:00:27,840 --> 01:00:29,876 Johnny. 714 01:00:29,960 --> 01:00:33,111 - Be careful. - I'm always careful. 715 01:00:33,200 --> 01:00:34,997 Ohh. 716 01:01:22,360 --> 01:01:25,796 Gentlemen. 717 01:01:25,880 --> 01:01:27,677 In a few hours time... 718 01:01:27,760 --> 01:01:30,320 I will become the next king of England. 719 01:01:47,120 --> 01:01:49,509 Oh, no. 720 01:02:04,200 --> 01:02:06,111 Hyah... 721 01:02:06,200 --> 01:02:08,953 - How did you get here? - Up the ladder. 722 01:02:09,040 --> 01:02:11,474 Pull yourself together. It's only a bit of poo. 723 01:02:15,520 --> 01:02:18,557 Oh! Oh, it's cold! It's cold! 724 01:02:19,000 --> 01:02:20,672 What is the one commodity... 725 01:02:20,760 --> 01:02:25,436 the world never seems to run out of? 726 01:02:25,520 --> 01:02:27,556 Criminals, gentlemen. 727 01:02:27,640 --> 01:02:29,835 Lawbreakers. 728 01:02:29,920 --> 01:02:33,515 Every nation in the world struggles... 729 01:02:33,600 --> 01:02:36,239 with the issue of overcrowded prisons. 730 01:02:36,320 --> 01:02:41,440 So, what do we do with all these villains? 731 01:02:41,520 --> 01:02:44,432 Find the solution to that problem... 732 01:02:44,520 --> 01:02:48,718 and the governments of the world would pay you through their nose. 733 01:02:50,320 --> 01:02:52,709 Fortunately, I have found a solution. 734 01:02:54,880 --> 01:02:58,793 We empty every prison on the entire planet, 735 01:02:58,880 --> 01:03:03,715 we take the resulting tidal wave of human scum... 736 01:03:03,800 --> 01:03:06,360 and we put it here. 737 01:03:09,760 --> 01:03:13,116 The moment I am crowned king, 738 01:03:13,200 --> 01:03:15,794 I will turn England into the largest prison... 739 01:03:15,880 --> 01:03:18,633 in the history of the world. 740 01:03:19,840 --> 01:03:23,355 210,000 square miles... 741 01:03:23,440 --> 01:03:25,510 of prime real estate... 742 01:03:25,600 --> 01:03:29,149 conveniently separated from true civilization... 743 01:03:29,240 --> 01:03:31,390 by 20 miles of ocean... 744 01:03:31,480 --> 01:03:33,630 - and soon to be available... - Come on. 745 01:03:33,720 --> 01:03:39,431 For the entire world to dump its human waste in. 746 01:03:39,520 --> 01:03:41,511 According to current projections, 747 01:03:41,600 --> 01:03:47,277 we will not run out of prison space for the next 500 years. 748 01:03:47,360 --> 01:03:51,273 So, tonight one, and only one, of you... 749 01:03:51,360 --> 01:03:56,229 will leave here owning 49 percent... 750 01:03:56,320 --> 01:03:58,629 of this venture. 751 01:03:58,720 --> 01:04:03,430 So that's his little game. We must get hold of that DVD. 752 01:04:03,520 --> 01:04:06,512 But how, Johnny? There's only two of us. 753 01:04:06,600 --> 01:04:08,750 You're young, Miss Campbell, and inexperienced. 754 01:04:08,840 --> 01:04:11,070 What you seem to have forgotten is that... 755 01:04:11,160 --> 01:04:14,470 Nobody knows we are here. 756 01:04:14,560 --> 01:04:17,916 At our disposal we have the vital element of surprise. 757 01:04:18,000 --> 01:04:20,958 Now, my plan is simple but effective. 758 01:04:21,040 --> 01:04:25,431 I shall drop from the gallery at this end of the room and take Sauvage prisoner. 759 01:04:25,520 --> 01:04:29,957 You will then enter from the far door, cutting off any means of escape. 760 01:04:30,040 --> 01:04:35,273 Then, using Sauvage as a hostage, we'll get the hell out of here. Clear? 761 01:04:42,480 --> 01:04:44,675 Get 'em up, you French ponce. 762 01:04:44,760 --> 01:04:49,117 But, Mr English, I'm gobsmacked! 763 01:04:49,200 --> 01:04:51,589 What an unexpected surprise. 764 01:04:51,680 --> 01:04:55,150 Surprises are very much my speciality, Sauvage. 765 01:04:56,360 --> 01:04:59,033 I think we've seen enough of this. 766 01:04:59,120 --> 01:05:05,673 I know exactly what you're planning, and I'm here to put a stop to it. 767 01:05:05,760 --> 01:05:10,311 My bottom will be king of England before you are. 768 01:05:10,400 --> 01:05:12,311 Wrong again. 769 01:05:12,400 --> 01:05:15,472 Perhaps you'd care to look behind you. 770 01:05:15,560 --> 01:05:17,790 Oh, please. 771 01:05:20,800 --> 01:05:22,791 Lorna! 772 01:05:25,480 --> 01:05:27,471 I'm sorry, Johnny. 773 01:05:27,560 --> 01:05:31,314 Well, I'm afraid that we'll have to... 774 01:05:31,400 --> 01:05:33,994 conclude the floor show for tonight. 775 01:05:34,080 --> 01:05:35,832 Not so fast, Sauvage. 776 01:05:35,920 --> 01:05:40,232 You may have taken me, but you'll never take England. 777 01:05:40,320 --> 01:05:42,993 Not as long as I have breath in my body... 778 01:05:43,080 --> 01:05:45,275 or a bullet in my gun. 779 01:05:54,040 --> 01:05:58,511 You know, Mr English, I'm going to miss you. Really. 780 01:05:58,600 --> 01:06:00,750 You're very entertaining. I thank you. 781 01:06:00,840 --> 01:06:02,432 Take them away. 782 01:06:06,920 --> 01:06:08,592 Good morning, everybody, 783 01:06:08,680 --> 01:06:10,750 and welcome to the breakfast show. 784 01:06:13,040 --> 01:06:16,157 As the crowds are gathering here for the crowning of our first French king... 785 01:06:16,240 --> 01:06:18,276 since the year 1066, 786 01:06:18,360 --> 01:06:23,115 call here at London FM with the top ten things you most love about the French. 787 01:06:23,200 --> 01:06:26,510 We haven't had any calls yet, uh, at all, 788 01:06:26,600 --> 01:06:29,990 but the lines are still open and I'll give you that number again... 789 01:06:30,080 --> 01:06:33,072 0-2-0-7... zero, deux, zero, sept... 790 01:06:35,640 --> 01:06:37,756 This is not good, Johnny. 791 01:06:37,840 --> 01:06:39,910 We've got to think of something. 792 01:06:41,600 --> 01:06:44,717 Wait a minute. I've got an idea. 793 01:06:44,800 --> 01:06:46,358 Hop! Hop! 794 01:06:46,440 --> 01:06:50,035 And hop! And hop! And stop! 795 01:06:50,120 --> 01:06:52,475 Now, are you familiar... 796 01:06:52,560 --> 01:06:56,109 with the shaman throat warblers of the Guatemalan delta? 797 01:06:56,200 --> 01:06:57,519 What? 798 01:06:57,600 --> 01:06:59,511 It has long been their belief... 799 01:06:59,600 --> 01:07:03,479 that a whistle pitched at the precise resonant frequency of a metal lock... 800 01:07:03,560 --> 01:07:07,473 will vibrate the levers in such a way that the door will simply swing open. 801 01:07:07,560 --> 01:07:09,357 Unbelievable. 802 01:07:09,440 --> 01:07:12,273 And kneel. 803 01:07:15,120 --> 01:07:17,918 Right. Here goes. 804 01:07:28,880 --> 01:07:32,998 - I can't hear anything. - I'm into ultrasonic. 805 01:07:33,080 --> 01:07:35,878 Will you just stop all this and face facts? 806 01:07:35,960 --> 01:07:39,555 We've failed. The only thing that can save us now is a miracle. 807 01:07:46,160 --> 01:07:47,752 It worked! 808 01:07:47,840 --> 01:07:50,479 - Ohh! - Sir? 809 01:07:58,360 --> 01:08:01,272 I don't know why you hauled yourself up that dreadful poo tube, Bough, 810 01:08:01,360 --> 01:08:04,989 when there was a perfectly good ladder right beside it. 811 01:08:05,080 --> 01:08:07,389 Now, Sauvage may have fooled the country... 812 01:08:07,480 --> 01:08:10,119 with his fake archbishop and his secret agenda, 813 01:08:10,200 --> 01:08:12,475 but he hasn't fooled me. 814 01:08:13,840 --> 01:08:16,274 So, here's the plan. 815 01:09:09,840 --> 01:09:12,479 Let all good people rejoice 816 01:09:14,160 --> 01:09:16,071 Rejoice 817 01:09:17,320 --> 01:09:19,550 - Rejoice - Aaah! 818 01:09:19,640 --> 01:09:23,394 Let all good people rejoice 819 01:09:25,920 --> 01:09:28,959 Rejoice 820 01:09:30,040 --> 01:09:37,474 Rejoice 821 01:09:37,560 --> 01:09:43,351 And sing 822 01:09:43,440 --> 01:09:47,274 Sirs, you are hereby called to witness the anointing... 823 01:09:47,360 --> 01:09:53,390 of your one true lord and future king Pascal. 824 01:09:53,480 --> 01:09:57,359 Pascal, are you willing to take the oath? 825 01:09:57,440 --> 01:10:00,716 I am willing. 826 01:10:00,800 --> 01:10:04,156 Then be thou anointed... 827 01:10:04,240 --> 01:10:07,869 with this holy oil. 828 01:10:08,240 --> 01:10:14,315 And do you, the chosen bishops of England, Scotland and Wales, 829 01:10:14,400 --> 01:10:17,119 ascent to this anointing? 830 01:10:17,200 --> 01:10:19,634 For Scotland, I do. 831 01:10:19,720 --> 01:10:21,358 For Wales, I do. 832 01:10:22,240 --> 01:10:25,152 For England, I do not! 833 01:10:25,240 --> 01:10:28,835 English! 834 01:10:31,040 --> 01:10:35,511 That man must not be crowned king because he is... 835 01:10:35,600 --> 01:10:38,273 a fraudster, a charlatan and a thief. 836 01:10:38,360 --> 01:10:41,830 No, please. Let him speak. 837 01:10:43,600 --> 01:10:46,478 It is this man, Pascal Sauvage, 838 01:10:46,560 --> 01:10:49,632 who stole the Crown Jewels, 839 01:10:49,720 --> 01:10:51,836 who forced the queen to abdicate... 840 01:10:51,920 --> 01:10:55,674 and who would kill anyone who got in his way. 841 01:10:55,760 --> 01:10:57,637 It is the end, Herr English. 842 01:10:59,280 --> 01:11:02,636 He has cheated, conned and manipulated... 843 01:11:02,720 --> 01:11:05,359 this great country for his own ends. 844 01:11:05,440 --> 01:11:07,670 He's fooled you all! 845 01:11:09,600 --> 01:11:12,910 What's more, this whole ceremony is a sham... 846 01:11:13,000 --> 01:11:16,436 because that man standing in front of you... 847 01:11:16,520 --> 01:11:19,557 is not the archbishop of Canterbury. 848 01:11:21,920 --> 01:11:25,595 English, a word of advice: Don't go there. 849 01:11:25,680 --> 01:11:30,037 Shut it, Frenchy. I'll go wherever I damn well please. 850 01:11:30,120 --> 01:11:33,476 - Now take it off. - What? 851 01:11:33,560 --> 01:11:36,791 Your face is made of plastic. 852 01:11:38,400 --> 01:11:40,277 Remove it at once. 853 01:11:40,360 --> 01:11:42,749 I have no idea what you're talking about. 854 01:11:42,840 --> 01:11:46,719 Right. I'll just have to remove it myself. 855 01:11:46,800 --> 01:11:50,839 Come on! 856 01:11:50,920 --> 01:11:54,071 Maybe it pulls up from the front. 857 01:11:54,160 --> 01:11:56,515 Come on, you! 858 01:12:11,240 --> 01:12:13,674 - Aaah! - Thank you very much. 859 01:12:15,400 --> 01:12:17,356 Must be a join here somewhere. 860 01:12:17,440 --> 01:12:20,238 Fascinating performance as always, Monsieur English, 861 01:12:20,320 --> 01:12:22,834 but I'm afraid we must move on. 862 01:12:22,920 --> 01:12:27,118 Nobody's moving anywhere until I'm finished with this piece of low-life. 863 01:12:27,200 --> 01:12:30,112 Do you or do you you not... 864 01:12:30,200 --> 01:12:33,272 have tattooed on your bottom the words, 865 01:12:33,360 --> 01:12:36,272 "Jesus is coming... look busy"? 866 01:12:36,360 --> 01:12:40,239 Are you insane? 867 01:12:40,320 --> 01:12:42,470 Well, let's find out, shall we? 868 01:12:42,560 --> 01:12:45,120 Go on, over. Let's have a look. 869 01:12:53,880 --> 01:12:56,110 Excellent! 870 01:13:05,040 --> 01:13:08,953 All right, so I was wrong about the archbishop's bottom. 871 01:13:10,680 --> 01:13:13,353 - But there's more. - But not, I'm afraid, today. 872 01:13:13,440 --> 01:13:15,795 Sergeant, please take this man away. 873 01:13:15,880 --> 01:13:19,429 - But be gentle with him. - Do you think that's it? 874 01:13:19,520 --> 01:13:21,829 You think I don't have more evidence? 875 01:13:21,920 --> 01:13:25,230 My loyal subordinate is standing by with a DVD... 876 01:13:25,320 --> 01:13:28,790 which shows Sauvage's hideous plans for this country. 877 01:13:28,880 --> 01:13:30,996 Get him out! Get him out of here! 878 01:13:31,080 --> 01:13:34,789 - Play it, Bough! Play the disk! - Play it! Now! 879 01:13:50,360 --> 01:13:53,670 You're so hot teasing me 880 01:13:53,760 --> 01:13:59,596 So you're blue, but I can't take a chance on a chick like you 881 01:13:59,680 --> 01:14:02,831 It's somethin' I couldn't do 882 01:14:04,840 --> 01:14:07,957 Well, I can dance with you, honey if you think it's funny 883 01:14:08,040 --> 01:14:10,713 Does your mother know that you're out 884 01:14:10,800 --> 01:14:14,349 And I could shout with you, baby Flirt a little, maybe 885 01:14:14,440 --> 01:14:17,432 Does your mother know that you're out 886 01:14:17,520 --> 01:14:20,114 - Take it easy - Take it easy 887 01:14:20,200 --> 01:14:22,475 Better slow down, girl That's no way to go 888 01:14:22,560 --> 01:14:25,916 Does your mother know 889 01:14:33,080 --> 01:14:35,310 - Oi! - Hey! 890 01:14:43,160 --> 01:14:45,276 Well, shall we? 891 01:14:51,600 --> 01:14:54,751 Then as Solomon was anointed king... 892 01:14:54,840 --> 01:14:58,992 by Zadok the priest and Nathan the prophet, 893 01:14:59,080 --> 01:15:02,390 so be thou anointed... 894 01:15:02,480 --> 01:15:04,311 and consecrated king... 895 01:15:06,040 --> 01:15:09,476 over all the peoples... 896 01:15:09,560 --> 01:15:11,471 whom the Lord thy God... 897 01:15:11,560 --> 01:15:14,916 hath given thee to govern... 898 01:15:15,000 --> 01:15:18,231 and of all your possessions, 899 01:15:18,320 --> 01:15:20,151 wherever they may be. 900 01:15:20,240 --> 01:15:24,438 And so, in the name of the Father... 901 01:15:24,520 --> 01:15:26,112 and of the Son... 902 01:15:26,200 --> 01:15:28,111 and of the Holy Ghost, 903 01:15:30,080 --> 01:15:32,230 I crown you... 904 01:15:34,720 --> 01:15:38,395 Damn it! 905 01:15:38,480 --> 01:15:40,471 - Give it back! - No! 906 01:15:40,560 --> 01:15:42,391 - That is my crown! - Never! 907 01:15:42,480 --> 01:15:45,870 - Give it back! - Never in a million years, Sauvage! 908 01:15:45,960 --> 01:15:47,837 - Give it to me! - Get off. 909 01:15:47,920 --> 01:15:50,514 Merde! 910 01:15:52,800 --> 01:15:54,199 Give it back! 911 01:15:55,880 --> 01:15:57,757 - Stop! - Shut up! 912 01:15:59,600 --> 01:16:03,479 All this stupid little country have to do is stand in line... 913 01:16:03,560 --> 01:16:07,712 and do what it's told for one miserable day! 914 01:16:07,800 --> 01:16:10,473 But can it do that? 915 01:16:10,560 --> 01:16:12,949 My fragrant French ass, it can! 916 01:16:17,560 --> 01:16:20,074 Merde! 917 01:16:21,000 --> 01:16:23,434 Aah! 918 01:16:24,720 --> 01:16:27,632 Give it! The crown, eh? The crown! Go! 919 01:16:32,600 --> 01:16:34,875 And so, in the name of the Father... 920 01:16:34,960 --> 01:16:37,315 and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost, 921 01:16:38,480 --> 01:16:39,959 I crown you... 922 01:16:42,840 --> 01:16:44,637 king. 923 01:16:44,720 --> 01:16:46,711 What... 924 01:17:12,560 --> 01:17:15,518 Arrest that man... 925 01:17:15,600 --> 01:17:17,670 and lock him away. 926 01:17:22,280 --> 01:17:26,068 God save the king Long live the king 927 01:17:26,160 --> 01:17:28,754 God save the king 928 01:17:33,160 --> 01:17:37,597 Amen, amen, amen, amen Amen, amen 929 01:17:43,400 --> 01:17:48,713 Ahh, amen, amen Amen, hallelujah 930 01:17:48,800 --> 01:17:50,870 Amen 931 01:17:59,760 --> 01:18:02,991 God save the king 932 01:18:03,080 --> 01:18:07,756 Words can hardly express just how much we appreciate everything you've done. 933 01:18:07,840 --> 01:18:10,149 Nothing more than my duty, ma'am. 934 01:18:10,240 --> 01:18:15,155 And in return, is there anything that your queen and country can do for you? 935 01:18:15,240 --> 01:18:17,356 Well, 936 01:18:17,440 --> 01:18:21,274 since one is asking, ma'am... 937 01:18:21,360 --> 01:18:24,432 In celebration of her return to the throne, 938 01:18:24,520 --> 01:18:27,432 the queen has declared August 5 a national holiday... 939 01:18:27,520 --> 01:18:31,957 and has conferred a knighthood on the unnamed Ml7 agent... 940 01:18:32,040 --> 01:18:36,033 responsible for foiling the plot of French businessman Pascal Sauvage. 941 01:18:36,120 --> 01:18:38,634 Mr Sauvage is now awaiting trial for high treason, 942 01:18:38,720 --> 01:18:40,870 a crime which still carries the death penalty. 943 01:18:40,960 --> 01:18:45,238 If found guilty, he's asked that his brain be donated to medical science... 944 01:18:45,320 --> 01:18:49,154 to further research into the causes of hyper manic schizophrenia. 945 01:18:49,240 --> 01:18:51,674 Meanwhile, the unnamed English agent has left the country... 946 01:18:51,760 --> 01:18:54,797 and has already embarked on his next challenging mission. 947 01:18:57,600 --> 01:19:00,512 SOMEWHERE IN THE SOUTH OF FRANCE 948 01:19:00,600 --> 01:19:02,750 SirJohnny English. 949 01:19:02,840 --> 01:19:05,593 Her Majesty did seem very grateful. 950 01:19:07,160 --> 01:19:09,230 She's not the only one. 951 01:19:17,520 --> 01:19:20,637 Mmm. You are full of surprises. 952 01:19:24,960 --> 01:19:28,077 Aaaah! 953 01:19:28,160 --> 01:19:31,675 - Johnny! - Oh, f... 954 01:19:31,920 --> 01:19:34,309 One eye on the shadows 955 01:19:34,400 --> 01:19:36,311 Protecting his fellows 956 01:19:36,400 --> 01:19:39,358 From sunup to the moon on his back 957 01:19:39,440 --> 01:19:43,558 Sendin' villains to Hades A hit with the ladies 958 01:19:43,640 --> 01:19:47,315 A stallion in the sack 959 01:19:47,400 --> 01:19:51,075 You can't get your life back when right follows left, jack 960 01:19:51,160 --> 01:19:54,675 The more you see the less you know 961 01:19:54,760 --> 01:19:58,275 When others would leak it his service is secret 962 01:19:58,360 --> 01:20:01,318 Plays God when it's your time to go 963 01:20:01,400 --> 01:20:06,428 Hey, fellas Don't bejealous 964 01:20:06,520 --> 01:20:09,398 When they made him they broke the mould 965 01:20:09,480 --> 01:20:12,438 So charismatic with an automatic 966 01:20:12,520 --> 01:20:17,389 Never prematurely shooting his load, ha 967 01:20:17,480 --> 01:20:19,391 Queen and country safe and sound 968 01:20:19,480 --> 01:20:21,198 With villains six feet underground 969 01:20:21,280 --> 01:20:24,078 And no one knows 'cause no one's found any trace 970 01:20:24,160 --> 01:20:26,515 Of a man for all seasons 971 01:20:26,600 --> 01:20:29,637 Loves 'em and leaves 'em alone 972 01:20:29,720 --> 01:20:32,439 So alone 973 01:20:32,520 --> 01:20:34,238 And you and I wouldn't have a clue 974 01:20:34,320 --> 01:20:36,311 Who's doin' what, why when and who 975 01:20:36,400 --> 01:20:38,118 Up a creek with no canoe 976 01:20:38,200 --> 01:20:41,351 Watch out for the man for all seasons 977 01:20:41,440 --> 01:20:44,352 Loves 'em and leaves 'em alone 978 01:20:44,440 --> 01:20:47,512 So alone But safe at home 979 01:20:47,600 --> 01:20:51,752 But safe at home But safe at home 980 01:20:54,880 --> 01:20:56,518 Queen and country safe and sound 981 01:20:56,600 --> 01:20:58,352 With villains six feet underground 982 01:20:58,440 --> 01:21:01,193 And no one knows 'cause no one's found any trace 983 01:21:01,280 --> 01:21:03,589 Of a man for all seasons 984 01:21:03,680 --> 01:21:06,752 Loves 'em and leaves 'em alone 985 01:21:06,840 --> 01:21:09,559 So alone 986 01:21:09,640 --> 01:21:11,312 And you and I wouldn't have a clue 987 01:21:11,400 --> 01:21:13,391 Who's doin' what, why when and who 988 01:21:13,480 --> 01:21:15,232 Up a creek with no canoe 989 01:21:15,320 --> 01:21:18,471 Watch out for the man for all seasons 990 01:21:18,560 --> 01:21:21,472 Loves 'em and leaves 'em alone 991 01:21:21,560 --> 01:21:24,552 So alone But safe at home 992 01:21:24,640 --> 01:21:26,278 Queen and country Safe and sound 993 01:21:26,360 --> 01:21:28,112 With villains six feet underground 994 01:21:28,200 --> 01:21:30,919 And no one knows 'cause no one's found any trace 995 01:21:31,000 --> 01:21:33,355 Of a man for all seasons 996 01:21:33,440 --> 01:21:36,512 Loves 'em and leaves 'em alone 997 01:21:36,600 --> 01:21:39,319 So alone 998 01:21:39,400 --> 01:21:41,038 And you and I wouldn't have a clue 999 01:21:41,120 --> 01:21:43,111 Who's doin' what, why when and who 1000 01:21:43,200 --> 01:21:44,952 Up a creek with no canoe 1001 01:21:45,040 --> 01:21:48,191 Watch out for the man for all seasons 1002 01:21:48,280 --> 01:21:51,272 Loves 'em and leaves 'em alone 1003 01:21:51,360 --> 01:21:52,509 So alone 1004 01:21:52,600 --> 01:21:56,912 But safe at home 1005 01:21:57,000 --> 01:22:00,549 Oh-Oh-Ohh, yeah