1
00:01:06,332 --> 00:01:09,601
Hello, ladies.

2
00:01:10,270 --> 00:01:13,639
This is all...
Kinda funny, really.

3
00:01:13,641 --> 00:01:16,442
Actually,
this whole thing started

4
00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:18,510
because of laughter,
you know?

5
00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:22,247
Laughter--when the smile
has an orgasm.

6
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:24,750
And out of
100 of you women,

7
00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:29,655
I can bring 99 of you
to this climax chuckle.

8
00:01:29,657 --> 00:01:31,256
I can...

9
00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:35,260
But I can't make
the one girl I love

10
00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:37,396
smile like she
made me smile

11
00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:40,132
on the worst day
of my already

12
00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:42,401
terrible,
laughable life.

13
00:01:42,403 --> 00:01:42,401
Which is quite a feat,

14
00:01:42,403 --> 00:01:49,775
considering I've been
having horrible days
ever since I was a kid.

15
00:01:51,711 --> 00:01:54,179
Aah!

16
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,834
Aah!

17
00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:17,136
I'm sorry.

18
00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:18,637
I'm sorry.

19
00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:48,901
Aah!
Aah!

20
00:02:48,903 --> 00:02:51,370
Your tongue is
caught my clit ring.

21
00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:53,672
Oh, god! No!
Don't move!

22
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:56,208
Don't--don't--
don't move!

23
00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:56,208
Aah!
Aah!

24
00:03:10,925 --> 00:03:13,859
This drawing
is appalling.

25
00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:18,830
You show absolutely
no understanding of
this woman or any woman.

26
00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:22,201
In the future, the only
drawing you'll be doing...

27
00:03:22,203 --> 00:03:24,636
Is drawing unemployment.

28
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:27,339
You have to listen to me.
We are over.

29
00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:29,374
We are completely
and totally over.

30
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:31,243
The next time
you break up with me,

31
00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:32,844
you want to do it before
i give you a ride home?

32
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:35,948
<i> Achtung,</i> baby.
We are over.

33
00:03:35,950 --> 00:03:35,948
Hey, no!

34
00:03:35,950 --> 00:03:38,483
You can't
do this to me now!

35
00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:40,552
Please, Gretchen,
not now!

36
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:43,722
Today's already
the worst day of my life!

37
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:26,531
I believe you've
lost your smile.

38
00:04:28,568 --> 00:04:32,271
You've lost your smile.

39
00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:37,309
Sam, narrating:
Her name was hope.

40
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:42,314
She had this winning smile

41
00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:45,284
that could take
olympic gold.

42
00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:54,026
I've had a lot
of bad days in my life,

43
00:04:54,028 --> 00:04:57,863
but today definitely
qualifies as the worst.

44
00:04:57,865 --> 00:04:59,564
Things could be worse.

45
00:04:59,566 --> 00:04:59,564
At least Gretchen
broke up with you

46
00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:03,635
before she made you
get your penis pierced.

47
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,337
You see?

48
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:06,471
You're funny "ha ha."

49
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,907
I'm just sort of
accidentally funny.

50
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:08,907
Accidentally funny?
Yeah.

51
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:13,645
You see, I'm always
doing weird stuff,
and I don't even know it.

52
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:14,713
It just happens.

53
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:17,316
Thus,
I'm accidentally funny.

54
00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:20,652
Sam, nobody's
normal all the time.
Look at me.

55
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:25,424
I just noticed
I've had my shirt on
inside out all day.

56
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,774
Yeah, but you know,

57
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:47,079
I'm not even normal
some of the time.

58
00:05:47,081 --> 00:05:48,647
You see?
Would you look at this?

59
00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:48,647
Case in point, right?

60
00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:52,584
I have a fake wallet
i keep in my pants pocket
in case I get mugged.

61
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:55,787
I keep my real money
crumpled up inside my sock.

62
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:56,888
This is odd.

63
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:56,888
Do you know anyone else

64
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:59,458
in the entire world
that does this?

65
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:01,960
Mm-hmm.
One other.

66
00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:02,961
Who?

67
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:02,961
Me.

68
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:04,796
That's a really
good idea.

69
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:09,401
Great.
Now I'm contagious.

70
00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:10,802
Sam...

71
00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:13,605
What made you
enroll in art school?

72
00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:16,141
I sort of determined
that all artists are weird,

73
00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:16,141
so if I became one,

74
00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:19,711
then I'd have an excuse
for my chronic strangeness.

75
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:24,416
You can see now why today
is my personal Waterloo.

76
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:26,485
In less than an hour,
I've not only found out

77
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:31,523
I have no talent,
no future, no girlfriend,

78
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:31,523
but now I also have

79
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:36,461
absolutely no excuses
for my eccentrocities.

80
00:06:36,463 --> 00:06:38,497
What can I do
to cheer you up?

81
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:38,497
Nothing.

82
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:40,399
There's nothing
you can do.

83
00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:40,399
Maybe I could, um,

84
00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:43,969
start by cleaning
the snew off your shirt.

85
00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:47,706
Snew? What's snew?

86
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:51,443
I don't know.
What's snew with you?

87
00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:53,745
What did snow white
say to Pinocchio

88
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,781
when she was sitting
on his face?

89
00:06:55,783 --> 00:07:00,051
"Lie to me.
Lie to me."

90
00:07:00,553 --> 00:07:05,190
Ok, so let's make like
a baby and head out.

91
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:10,095
Let's go.

92
00:07:10,863 --> 00:07:13,665
You know what I think
we should do?

93
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:15,066
No.

94
00:07:18,037 --> 00:07:21,206
Which one did you just say
was your ex-girlfriend's?

95
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:23,809
I think it was that one.

96
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:24,876
Gretchen:
You bastard!

97
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:28,480
I'm gonna come down there
and cut your balls off!

98
00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:34,586
Sam: Now, laughter really
is when a smile orgasms.

99
00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:34,586
Let me tell you,

100
00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:38,623
hope an I had laughter
that was multiple,

101
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:39,758
simultaneous,

102
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,927
and wet.

103
00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:43,995
My number's 555--
ok.

104
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:45,530
6344.

105
00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:47,766
6344.

106
00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:49,067
Ok, great.
Oh, and...

107
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:50,902
Don't forget this.

108
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:50,902
Yeah.
Your smile.

109
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:56,775
Yeah...And thank you
for giving it back to me.

110
00:07:56,777 --> 00:07:59,244
Yeah.

111
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:26,204
That's my ride.

112
00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:28,240
Ok.

113
00:08:28,242 --> 00:08:31,943
Call me.
Yeah, I will.

114
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,761
Sam:
I had to find hope...

115
00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:52,597
So I took a job
as a delivery guy.

116
00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:52,597
Here's your order.

117
00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:56,268
Hope probably would have
called me a cuisine courier.

118
00:08:56,270 --> 00:08:58,803
Here's your, uh--

119
00:08:59,639 --> 00:08:59,638
it's lame, I know,

120
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:05,176
but at least the job
allowed me to search
for hope on every corner,

121
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:05,176
in every building,

122
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:10,582
on every run I made
throughout the city.

123
00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:11,983
Aah!

124
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:13,985
Oh, my god,
I'm so sorry.

125
00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:14,986
I'm going
to pull out.

126
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:18,056
I mean--i mean
back out.

127
00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:31,870
Woman: Women, please
follow me this way.

128
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:35,040
The atlea whatley women's
residence and club

129
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:38,209
has been I existence
since 1923.

130
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:38,209
We have women from
all 50 states,

131
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:43,782
as well as
Puerto Rico and Guam
and 20 other countries.

132
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:46,585
We have 2 olympic-size
swimming pools,

133
00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:49,287
as well as 4 tennis courts.

134
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:53,091
Raarrrggghh!

135
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:56,127
Raarrrggghh!

136
00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:58,663
Excuse me.

137
00:09:58,665 --> 00:10:01,967
Hi. Uh, do you know
where 6d is?

138
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:04,369
Raarrrggghh!

139
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,806
Thanks.

140
00:10:12,044 --> 00:10:14,746
Delivery!

141
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,251
Oh, wow! Hope!

142
00:10:20,253 --> 00:10:21,286
Hey.

143
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:21,286
Hello, Sam.

144
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:24,789
Oh, my god!
I have been looking
for you everywhere.

145
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:24,789
You have no idea.

146
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:27,993
I am so, so sorry
i never called you,

147
00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:30,795
you know, because
you wrote your number
down on my palm,

148
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:31,930
and it was
pouring rain that night

149
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:34,032
and it just--
it washed off.

150
00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:35,667
It's ok.

151
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:35,667
How are you?

152
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:40,372
You look like someone
dropped an acme safe
on your head.

153
00:10:40,374 --> 00:10:40,372
I'm fine.

154
00:10:40,374 --> 00:10:45,243
Yeah. Me, too.
I'm fine, too.

155
00:10:47,046 --> 00:10:48,747
Well, this is awkward.

156
00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:52,050
At times like this,
i think about dogs.

157
00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:53,351
Dogs?

158
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:54,352
Yeah.

159
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:54,352
I like the way
they lick your face

160
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:58,223
and let you pet 'em
all over and stuff
when you first meet 'em.

161
00:10:58,225 --> 00:10:58,223
It's just,
it would be nice

162
00:10:58,225 --> 00:11:02,260
if women could
immediately let
you know you're liked

163
00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:05,897
the way that a dog
lets you know.

164
00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:09,834
Be a nice ice breaker.

165
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:11,102
Maybe.

166
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:12,704
Your chicken fajitas.

167
00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:16,408
Oh, thanks.
You remembered
the extra salsa.

168
00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:22,714
Um...

169
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:25,917
I think all
i have is a 50.

170
00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:25,917
Yeah, that's ok.

171
00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:29,988
Yeah, I think
i can break that.

172
00:11:33,159 --> 00:11:36,327
You got me makin'
a habit out of this.

173
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,997
Are you sure
you're all right?

174
00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:39,998
Yeah, never better.

175
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,866
'Cause you don't
look never better.

176
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:44,069
You're wrong,
I'm fine.

177
00:11:44,071 --> 00:11:45,870
You know, I thought
i was wrong once,

178
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:49,307
but I was mistaken,
and I'm not wrong here.

179
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:50,975
Come on,
what's the matter?

180
00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:53,011
Nothing that a nice,
high ledge with a view

181
00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:55,714
couldn't take care of.

182
00:11:56,348 --> 00:11:58,950
Good-bye, Sam.

183
00:12:16,035 --> 00:12:17,769
Hey,
where's Holden?

184
00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:20,405
Uh, he's in back.

185
00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:23,808
I wanna bottle up
your sweat, baby.

186
00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:25,910
Aw, you got such
a tight, tight ass.

187
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:29,748
What's that?
Squeeze it harder, huh?

188
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:31,516
Yeah.

189
00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:34,052
What the hell
are you doin'?

190
00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:38,056
Hey, man.
What's going on?

191
00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:42,460
I was, uh, rearranging
my collection.

192
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:42,460
It was
totally inefficient.

193
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:46,397
I had double
penetration filed away
under double dildo.

194
00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:48,967
I don't care about
your Smithsonian of smut.

195
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:50,335
Why was your hand
on your ass?

196
00:12:50,337 --> 00:12:53,438
Uh, sometimes I gotta
get a little kinky to...

197
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:53,438
Jack up the old winkie.

198
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:57,208
See, here.
If I stare at
this centerfold here

199
00:12:57,210 --> 00:13:01,813
and concentrate
real hard while
grabbing my own butt,

200
00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:05,817
it feels like
I'm feeling up
miss September's ass.

201
00:13:05,819 --> 00:13:08,052
You know, uncle Bart
would be really pissed

202
00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:11,422
if he came in here
and caught you
flicking the grinch.

203
00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:12,957
Whoa.

204
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:14,425
I haven't seen you
this cranky since camp

205
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:17,295
when I gave you
that montezuma swirly.

206
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,531
Come on.

207
00:13:20,566 --> 00:13:21,833
Spill your guts.

208
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:22,934
No, I can't.

209
00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:22,934
Why?

210
00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:25,570
Why can't you tell
me what's going on?

211
00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:27,138
Holden, how can
i talk to you?

212
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,040
I mean, you're
one of those guys
who has a tray

213
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:30,341
that makes
boob-shaped jell-o.

214
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:32,043
You once bought one
of those man-girdles

215
00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:34,245
with the underwear
to lift and separate
your butt.

216
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:37,816
You've got arthritis from
jerking off too many times.

217
00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:41,019
I did not
get arthritis!

218
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,388
It's carpal
tunnel syndrome.

219
00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:44,856
Hey, Holden!

220
00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:47,392
These gelatin boobs
are fantastic!

221
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:49,494
Yeah, they're
sensitive, aren't they?

222
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:53,164
You're so tense.
What you need is a date

223
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:55,567
with my 2-dimensional
lady friend here.

224
00:13:55,569 --> 00:13:58,937
She not only pulls out,

225
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:01,439
but she puts out.

226
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:02,874
What do you think, Sam?

227
00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:05,610
Is the mass of the ass
directly proportional

228
00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:07,579
to the beauty
of the cutie?

229
00:14:07,581 --> 00:14:08,980
What?

230
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:10,181
See, that
is the spirit.

231
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,382
Man, when you're
down in the dumper,

232
00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:14,018
you just gotta
laugh it off.

233
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,554
Hey, you know what?

234
00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:19,123
That's actually
a good idea.

235
00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:23,027
How many surrealists
does it take to
screw in a light bulb?

236
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:24,996
A fish.

237
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:24,996
Look at this article.

238
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:29,367
It explains how
feel-good endorphins
can make you smile.

239
00:14:34,573 --> 00:14:34,572
Conversely, all right,

240
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:34,572
it says if you force
a smile on your face,

241
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:41,212
you can trick your body
into releasing these same
feel-good endorphins,

242
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:42,547
which then
make you happy.

243
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:45,583
Did you know
that if you change
the is in Mississippi

244
00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:48,052
to os,
you get mossossoppo.

245
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:51,122
Come on, are those
endorphins pumping?

246
00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:53,091
Come on.
That's great.

247
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:54,359
Look at that face.

248
00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:56,261
Come on,
look at that--

249
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:56,261
stop, Sam.

250
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:59,664
I appreciate
the effort,

251
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:01,599
and your comedy act

252
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:03,668
is a great success.

253
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:07,305
It's your audience
that's a total failure.

254
00:15:09,341 --> 00:15:13,177
I gotta get
some new material.

255
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,514
Whoa!

256
00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:19,517
Aah!

257
00:15:28,494 --> 00:15:30,628
Oh, my god.

258
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:30,628
I think I broke it.

259
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:36,267
I think busted it
is the more
appropriate phrase.

260
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,268
Does it hurt?

261
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:38,970
No, you didn't
pop my boob,

262
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:40,672
you just poked
a hole in my aqua-bra.

263
00:15:40,674 --> 00:15:43,942
Hey, I'm flat-chested.
I mean, I'm Annie.

264
00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:45,476
Hi, I'm Sam.

265
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:47,211
What's an aqua-bra?

266
00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:47,211
Well, it's
a brassiere

267
00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:51,316
that supplements
the figure with
water implants.

268
00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:52,350
Hmm.

269
00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:53,985
See?

270
00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:57,455
No surprise.

271
00:15:57,990 --> 00:16:01,592
God! Ok. Ok.

272
00:16:02,061 --> 00:16:02,060
That's a--
that's a tickle.

273
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:05,530
I gotta remember to tell
my friend hope about this.

274
00:16:05,532 --> 00:16:07,598
Oh, hope on
the top floor?

275
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:08,967
Yeah.

276
00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:11,035
She doesn't think
anything's funny.

277
00:16:11,037 --> 00:16:13,004
What gave her
such a mood dunk?

278
00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:14,272
I mean, is she
always like this?

279
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:17,308
No, when I first met her,
she was pretty happy.

280
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:18,676
I'll catch
you later.
Ok.

281
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:21,612
One day hope came home
and something happened.

282
00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:23,414
I haven't seen her
out of her room since,

283
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:25,016
but I work really weird
hours at the hospital,

284
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:28,052
so maybe some
of the other girls
have seen her around.

285
00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:29,687
It was nice meeting you.

286
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:31,589
Yeah, you, too.

287
00:16:33,225 --> 00:16:34,659
Do you know
hope in 6d?

288
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:37,562
My acting coach told me
not to talk to anyone

289
00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:39,464
while I'm doing
my exercises.

290
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:43,034
Hey, excuse me, miss.

291
00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:44,702
Do you know, uh...

292
00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:47,171
What did he
instruct you to do,

293
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:51,009
act like
a coffee table?

294
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:52,510
No.

295
00:16:55,047 --> 00:16:57,782
I'm the wind
blowing in the desert.

296
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:05,223
Hello? Delivery.

297
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:07,792
The door's open.

298
00:17:08,627 --> 00:17:11,396
Wow. What a great
place you got here.

299
00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:14,332
I just delivered
to that girl hope
up in 6d.

300
00:17:14,334 --> 00:17:17,301
Man, her place
was a wreck.

301
00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:18,569
Do you know her?

302
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:22,607
Hi, I'm Sam.
I'm your coffee
delivery guy.

303
00:17:22,609 --> 00:17:26,644
I said, do you
know hope in 6d?

304
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:28,613
Hey, I'm speaking
to you, Tanya.

305
00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:31,682
Can you hear me
say this?

306
00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:34,485
You look like
a man-eating
Amazon Princess

307
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:36,788
donning her
war paint
in preparation

308
00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:38,623
for battle in
the corporate
jungle.

309
00:17:38,625 --> 00:17:42,160
Delivery boy, could you
bring me my Espresso?

310
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:47,131
Oh, I take it that's
an order from Tanya,
Amazon Princess.

311
00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:47,131
Your majesty
commands me

312
00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:51,502
to bow down
before her and
fetch her coffee.

313
00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:54,639
Well, I refuse!
I won't be
your slave

314
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:56,574
no matter what
you throw at me.

315
00:17:56,576 --> 00:18:00,545
I'm not turned on
by your executrix
power suit,

316
00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:00,545
your war armor.

317
00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:05,183
Your miniskirt
loincloth displays
a powerful weapon--

318
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:09,554
your thighs,
which make me
cower with lust.

319
00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:13,458
And your brassiere
is like a protective
breastplate

320
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:18,396
you can tear away to
unsheathe your most

321
00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:21,699
your hypnotic
breasts.

322
00:18:30,642 --> 00:18:33,744
Here's your
coffee, Tanya.

323
00:18:42,688 --> 00:18:46,457
Oh, and by the way,
I'm not the Amazon Princess.

324
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:50,328
I'm the Amazon queen.

325
00:18:57,336 --> 00:18:59,170
What are all
these balloons for?

326
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:01,439
Some kid's
birthday party.

327
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:01,439
Ah.

328
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:03,841
So, how's
the probe going?

329
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:04,809
Probe?

330
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:04,809
Oh, the investigation.

331
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:09,614
It's terrible.
Some of these girls
can be really mean.

332
00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:11,249
There's this
one girl, Tanya.

333
00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:13,851
She treats me
like a total peon.

334
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:13,851
Pee on?

335
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:17,588
I didn't know
you were into
water sports.

336
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:20,291
No, not like that.

337
00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:24,795
God, Holden, do you
ever think about
anything other than sex?

338
00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:24,795
I say forget
about hope

339
00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:29,200
and move on
to someone who's
more<i> probe-able.</i>

340
00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:31,769
No, it's not gonna happen.
I'm not giving up on her.

341
00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:35,506
Come on, man.
Wake up and
smell the pussy!

342
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:36,807
You are totally
in love with her.

343
00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:39,610
You think that if
you find her smile

344
00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:41,946
that she'll
end up falling
in love with you

345
00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:41,946
like some
fairy tale.

346
00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:46,350
But more likely,
she'll end up
screwin' you over,

347
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:50,321
and you'll
end up taking it
in the tail.

348
00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:52,957
Ok, all right.

349
00:19:52,959 --> 00:19:54,392
You know,
i do love her,

350
00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:55,726
but I'm
also her friend.

351
00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:57,461
Look, man,
something terrible
happened to her

352
00:19:57,463 --> 00:19:59,897
in that building,
and I'm gonna
find out what that was.

353
00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:02,667
And maybe I can
make things right again.

354
00:20:02,669 --> 00:20:02,667
Hey, easy on
those balloons.

355
00:20:02,669 --> 00:20:07,705
You don't
wanna disappoint
the birthday...Boy.

356
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,440
Wait a minute.

357
00:20:09,675 --> 00:20:12,543
Today is
your birthday.

358
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:19,450
Now, that...

359
00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:21,252
Is what I call
a blow job.

360
00:20:21,254 --> 00:20:24,455
Here, Sam,
check this out.

361
00:20:25,857 --> 00:20:27,258
<i> Kaboom monthly?</i>

362
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:31,529
Yup. The definitive guide
for popping a boner.

363
00:20:31,531 --> 00:20:31,529
Mmm!

364
00:20:31,531 --> 00:20:34,932
Hey! When you're done,
can I look at that?

365
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,601
No!

366
00:20:38,503 --> 00:20:41,439
Hello? Delivery.

367
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:41,439
A delivery here.

368
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:44,942
Stop trying to find out
what happened to hope!

369
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:44,942
Hey! Who are you?

370
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:48,546
Come back here!
I need to speak
to you! Please!

371
00:20:48,548 --> 00:20:50,514
Oh, no.
Where did you go?

372
00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:52,483
Please tell me,
why don't you
want me

373
00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:54,819
to find out what's
wrong with hope?

374
00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:57,622
Where are you?

375
00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:01,659
Not so fast.

376
00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:07,798
You know, they say
the toenails are
the teeth of the foot.

377
00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:07,932
If that's true,
I'd say

378
00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:11,369
you got a pretty nice
set of fangs here.

379
00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:12,970
Think you're funny?

380
00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:15,706
Pretty cheeseball
if you ask me.

381
00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:18,009
Well, the same thing
could be said

382
00:21:18,011 --> 00:21:20,578
about your
record-setting toe jam.

383
00:21:20,580 --> 00:21:22,446
Hey, you're
that delivery boy

384
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:25,983
for that place Bart's
on the other side of
the park, aren't you?

385
00:21:25,985 --> 00:21:28,986
Why, thank you,
captain obvious.

386
00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:31,022
That's not my name.

387
00:21:31,024 --> 00:21:34,592
It's willens, and
i manage this place.

388
00:21:34,594 --> 00:21:36,727
And I don't like you
snooping around.

389
00:21:36,729 --> 00:21:38,863
If I see you
around here again,

390
00:21:38,865 --> 00:21:40,698
I'm gonna make sure
i call the--

391
00:21:40,700 --> 00:21:43,467
hey. You almost
hit me with that.

392
00:21:43,469 --> 00:21:47,605
How'd you like it
if I loaded one up.

393
00:21:49,574 --> 00:21:51,008
Go ahead,

394
00:21:51,010 --> 00:21:53,744
make my day.

395
00:21:53,746 --> 00:21:55,346
You gotta be joking.

396
00:21:55,348 --> 00:21:59,650
Hey, I was just clearing
my nasal passages.

397
00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:02,420
You were the one
making a thing of it.

398
00:22:02,422 --> 00:22:03,921
All right. All right.

399
00:22:03,923 --> 00:22:06,857
Now, don't go
doing anything rash.

400
00:22:06,859 --> 00:22:12,096
Take your fingers
off the nostril.

401
00:22:12,098 --> 00:22:15,566
You first.

402
00:22:15,568 --> 00:22:18,636
Same time.

403
00:23:04,015 --> 00:23:08,018
Aah!

404
00:23:10,589 --> 00:23:13,557
Eat it, willens.

405
00:23:15,827 --> 00:23:16,727
Go ahead.

406
00:23:16,729 --> 00:23:19,497
Pull the trigger.

407
00:23:19,798 --> 00:23:21,031
Pull on this.

408
00:23:21,033 --> 00:23:23,901
Get lost, hoss.

409
00:23:26,138 --> 00:23:28,072
At this point the only thing
I'd figured out

410
00:23:28,074 --> 00:23:30,608
is why a detective
is sometimes called a dick.

411
00:23:30,610 --> 00:23:34,111
'Cause that's exactly
what I'd found out.

412
00:23:34,713 --> 00:23:38,716
As a sleuth investigating
the mystery of hope,

413
00:23:38,718 --> 00:23:41,452
I had to
find a new strategy.

414
00:23:41,454 --> 00:23:44,488
Man: Hey, Sam!
Your rent is due!

415
00:23:50,963 --> 00:23:52,963
Hey, hope!
Look at this!

416
00:23:56,169 --> 00:23:58,569
Hope!

417
00:23:58,571 --> 00:24:01,138
Hey, hope,
come to the window!

418
00:24:01,140 --> 00:24:01,138
Look at this!

419
00:24:19,559 --> 00:24:23,661
Hey, come on, hope!
Look at this,
this is funny!

420
00:24:34,841 --> 00:24:36,173
Hi. Hey.

421
00:24:36,175 --> 00:24:38,476
Ok, look, I have
to ask you something,

422
00:24:38,478 --> 00:24:41,045
and you have to
promise not to laugh.

423
00:24:41,047 --> 00:24:43,747
Promise.

424
00:24:43,749 --> 00:24:45,583
Ever since I met you,
i always wanted

425
00:24:45,585 --> 00:24:49,253
to take you to dinner
and the movies.

426
00:24:51,590 --> 00:24:52,957
Ok.

427
00:24:52,959 --> 00:24:54,525
Just this once.

428
00:24:54,527 --> 00:24:55,960
Yeah.

429
00:24:55,962 --> 00:24:57,528
Give me
a sec, ok?

430
00:24:57,530 --> 00:24:59,897
Yeah, sure.

431
00:25:04,002 --> 00:25:07,905
So, do you think
that hope is cute?

432
00:25:07,907 --> 00:25:10,674
Uh, yeah,
she is such a fox.

433
00:25:10,676 --> 00:25:11,809
I think so, too.

434
00:25:11,811 --> 00:25:13,577
Get your hands
off of her.

435
00:25:13,579 --> 00:25:14,845
Shh. Shut up.

436
00:25:14,847 --> 00:25:16,680
Come on in.

437
00:25:16,682 --> 00:25:18,182
Thank you.

438
00:25:20,919 --> 00:25:20,918
Oh, wow. I love what
you've done to the place.

439
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:27,224
It's got a real sort of
post-modern<i> miss haversham</i>
look to it.

440
00:25:27,226 --> 00:25:30,027
Yeah,
don't mind the mess.

441
00:25:30,029 --> 00:25:31,695
It's ok.

442
00:25:33,098 --> 00:25:34,798
Here you go.

443
00:25:35,100 --> 00:25:38,168
So, i--i hear
you used to be a model?

444
00:25:38,737 --> 00:25:40,037
If we're gonna
talk about me,

445
00:25:40,039 --> 00:25:41,539
you're gonna
have to leave.

446
00:25:41,541 --> 00:25:43,240
Ha ha ha ha.

447
00:25:43,242 --> 00:25:43,240
Sorry.

448
00:25:43,242 --> 00:25:46,810
It's just, uh,
the other day
when you found me,

449
00:25:46,812 --> 00:25:50,314
you know, I sort of feel
like you, uh...

450
00:25:50,782 --> 00:25:53,717
Like, you saved me,
and, um...

451
00:25:53,719 --> 00:25:56,287
I--i just, I wanted
to say thank you.

452
00:25:56,289 --> 00:25:59,623
I was gonna make some
coffee. Do you want any?

453
00:25:59,625 --> 00:26:01,725
Yeah, sure.

454
00:26:01,727 --> 00:26:06,764
So, you know, like I said,
the other day, when I saw you...

455
00:26:06,766 --> 00:26:09,133
Um, you know what,
actually?

456
00:26:09,135 --> 00:26:12,136
You don't owe me
anything, you know,
it's...

457
00:26:12,138 --> 00:26:14,605
I know I don't
owe you anything.

458
00:26:14,607 --> 00:26:14,605
Yeah, well...

459
00:26:14,607 --> 00:26:18,242
I'm just trying
to be your friend.

460
00:26:19,010 --> 00:26:21,879
Do you want any,
um, cream or sugar?

461
00:26:21,881 --> 00:26:26,083
Uh, I'll--
I'll get some sugar.

462
00:26:26,284 --> 00:26:29,019
I mean, I'm just trying
to be your friend.

463
00:26:29,021 --> 00:26:33,090
That's what friends do, right?
They help each other out.

464
00:26:35,193 --> 00:26:38,829
I'm gonna--
I'm gonna ask you
to leave, actually.

465
00:26:38,831 --> 00:26:38,829
What?

466
00:26:38,831 --> 00:26:41,065
Yeah, I shouldn't
have done this, and...

467
00:26:41,067 --> 00:26:43,734
I just said I was
trying to be your friend.

468
00:26:43,736 --> 00:26:45,769
I'm gonna give you
money for the meal.

469
00:26:45,771 --> 00:26:47,037
No, no.
The meal's on me.

470
00:26:47,039 --> 00:26:49,373
Yes, Sam, please,
will you just go?
No, no, no!

471
00:26:49,375 --> 00:26:49,373
Will you
take the money?

472
00:26:49,375 --> 00:26:49,373
No, I'm not gonna
take money for the meal, no.

473
00:26:49,375 --> 00:26:53,644
No, forget it.
I'm not gonna take--no!

474
00:26:53,646 --> 00:26:54,878
No, the meal--no!
Please!

475
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:54,878
No, the meal's on me.

476
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:58,315
Please, will you
at least go Dutch
with me?

477
00:26:58,317 --> 00:26:59,917
Ok.

478
00:27:00,352 --> 00:27:03,721
Don't have to be
so difficult.

479
00:27:18,403 --> 00:27:20,070
Aah! Aah!

480
00:27:20,072 --> 00:27:22,306
It's me, Sam.
It's Annie.

481
00:27:22,308 --> 00:27:24,842
I just couldn't hear
over the washing
machines.

482
00:27:24,844 --> 00:27:26,076
I forgot I had
that thing on.

483
00:27:26,078 --> 00:27:26,076
It's a facial
massager.

484
00:27:26,078 --> 00:27:28,979
It's supposed
to tighten the
muscles in my face

485
00:27:28,981 --> 00:27:30,314
so that
i look thinner.

486
00:27:30,316 --> 00:27:32,082
Of course it is.

487
00:27:32,084 --> 00:27:35,185
I think this piece
goes there,

488
00:27:35,187 --> 00:27:39,123
and this piece
goes here.

489
00:27:39,125 --> 00:27:41,792
You're still missing
some pieces.

490
00:27:41,794 --> 00:27:41,792
Mm-hmm.

491
00:27:41,794 --> 00:27:45,095
Why don't you draw in
the missing parts?

492
00:27:45,097 --> 00:27:47,698
You went to the art
institute, right?

493
00:27:47,700 --> 00:27:49,366
Oh, I never finished.

494
00:27:49,368 --> 00:27:51,101
I was so bad, they made me
turn in my beret.

495
00:27:51,103 --> 00:27:53,771
The royal academy
of velvet painters
won't accept me.

496
00:27:53,773 --> 00:27:57,908
Can't even get my work shown
in the contemporary museum
of stick figure art.

497
00:27:57,910 --> 00:27:57,908
Oh, who cares?

498
00:27:57,910 --> 00:27:59,710
The curators
of that museum

499
00:27:59,712 --> 00:27:59,710
have sticks
up their butt,

500
00:27:59,712 --> 00:28:01,979
and velvet
painting died
with Elvis,

501
00:28:01,981 --> 00:28:05,215
and berets,
they're not
even real hats.

502
00:28:05,217 --> 00:28:06,750
You know, I've always
thought that.

503
00:28:06,752 --> 00:28:08,085
I mean, it's got no brim,

504
00:28:08,087 --> 00:28:09,319
doesn't cover your ears.

505
00:28:09,321 --> 00:28:09,319
Nope.

506
00:28:09,321 --> 00:28:12,056
It's not a hat,
it's a goddamned cap,

507
00:28:12,058 --> 00:28:14,725
that's what it is.

508
00:28:15,994 --> 00:28:18,696
Why do you have
a pen attached
to your hip?

509
00:28:18,698 --> 00:28:22,266
Because I am the fastest
draw in the west.

510
00:28:22,268 --> 00:28:23,867
Really?

511
00:28:23,869 --> 00:28:26,270
I had a bit of a mishap
at my prom.

512
00:28:26,272 --> 00:28:28,872
I don't put pens
in my pockets anymore.

513
00:28:28,874 --> 00:28:28,872
It's a bit of a long story.

514
00:28:28,874 --> 00:28:34,078
You ever think about
how far an artist's
hand has travelled?

515
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:34,078
Look at yourself
sketching.

516
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:37,281
Your fingers are
in constant motion.

517
00:28:37,283 --> 00:28:37,281
Every time
you shade,

518
00:28:37,283 --> 00:28:40,217
the pen moves
a couple inches
a second.

519
00:28:40,219 --> 00:28:40,217
That's gotta add up.

520
00:28:40,219 --> 00:28:44,288
This hand has travelled
long distances,

521
00:28:44,290 --> 00:28:46,423
especially in the shower.

522
00:28:48,994 --> 00:28:50,160
Seriously...

523
00:28:50,162 --> 00:28:51,795
Do you know what
my favorite part

524
00:28:51,797 --> 00:28:51,795
of being
an artist is?

525
00:28:51,797 --> 00:28:57,167
It's the most
honest profession
in the world.

526
00:28:57,169 --> 00:28:57,167
How's that?

527
00:28:57,169 --> 00:29:01,772
You can pretty much
fake being good

528
00:29:01,774 --> 00:29:02,906
at any
other profession,

529
00:29:02,908 --> 00:29:02,906
but as an artist,

530
00:29:02,908 --> 00:29:07,811
either
your drawing is good
or it's bad.

531
00:29:07,979 --> 00:29:11,281
An artist just has
to lay everything
on the line.

532
00:29:12,083 --> 00:29:13,951
Yeah, literally.

533
00:29:15,220 --> 00:29:16,754
Hey, wait a second.

534
00:29:16,756 --> 00:29:19,223
I've seen this
somewhere before.

535
00:29:19,225 --> 00:29:20,958
Gretchen: Here's the album
you wanted to borrow.

536
00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:22,526
It took me a really
long time to find it.

537
00:29:22,528 --> 00:29:24,528
I never listen
to them anymore.

538
00:29:24,530 --> 00:29:24,528
Welcome.

539
00:29:24,530 --> 00:29:27,364
"How to see
your ex-girlfriend

540
00:29:27,366 --> 00:29:28,866
and live
to tell about it."

541
00:29:28,868 --> 00:29:32,302
That is the subject
of today's class.

542
00:29:32,304 --> 00:29:34,204
Sam, you didn't have
to concoct some story

543
00:29:34,206 --> 00:29:36,373
about wanting to borrow
some music from me

544
00:29:36,375 --> 00:29:38,442
just to have an excuse
to see me.

545
00:29:38,444 --> 00:29:40,277
First, the guy
must act nice

546
00:29:40,279 --> 00:29:43,547
to prove that he can handle
the break up maturely.

547
00:29:43,549 --> 00:29:46,383
No, I really wanted
to borrow the album...

548
00:29:46,385 --> 00:29:46,383
But it is great to see you.

549
00:29:46,385 --> 00:29:50,320
Hey, you finally got
your forehead pierced.
Looks good.

550
00:29:50,322 --> 00:29:53,957
Being nice only makes
the ex think he wants
to get back together,

551
00:29:53,959 --> 00:29:57,528
so, she, with undisguised
pleasure, reminds him

552
00:29:57,530 --> 00:30:00,964
that she is the dumper
and he is the dumpee. Pbbt.

553
00:30:00,966 --> 00:30:02,533
I am flattered
you called,

554
00:30:02,535 --> 00:30:02,533
but I broke up
with you, remember?

555
00:30:02,535 --> 00:30:07,070
This doesn't mean
that I want to hook
up with you again.

556
00:30:07,072 --> 00:30:09,406
This unwarranted rejection

557
00:30:09,408 --> 00:30:12,843
hurts like a kick
to the shins.

558
00:30:12,845 --> 00:30:15,245
Really, Sam...

559
00:30:15,247 --> 00:30:18,115
Aah!

560
00:30:21,252 --> 00:30:25,122
The second punishment
sneaks up on you like a snake!

561
00:30:25,124 --> 00:30:26,523
Sss!

562
00:30:27,425 --> 00:30:30,260
No! Go!

563
00:30:30,262 --> 00:30:32,262
I'm hot. I'm thirsty.

564
00:30:32,264 --> 00:30:33,864
I'm hot. I'm thirsty.

565
00:30:33,866 --> 00:30:35,866
Hey, whatever happened
to those size 14 guys?

566
00:30:35,868 --> 00:30:38,902
They cut one album,
then disappeared.

567
00:30:38,904 --> 00:30:42,940
The evil she-dumper
tortures the poor dumpee

568
00:30:42,942 --> 00:30:46,143
with flirtations
he tries to avoid.

569
00:30:46,145 --> 00:30:48,879
Did your tongue
finally heal up, Sam?

570
00:30:48,881 --> 00:30:50,314
Uh, yeah,
it's never better.

571
00:30:50,316 --> 00:30:53,350
Really? It was
pretty good before.

572
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:58,322
Holden: The she-dumper
is a big prick tease.

573
00:30:58,324 --> 00:31:02,092
Does the scar tickle the
roof of your mouth, Sam?

574
00:31:02,094 --> 00:31:04,161
Yeah, it does.
You should feel it.

575
00:31:04,163 --> 00:31:06,563
When the dumped chump
flirts back,

576
00:31:06,565 --> 00:31:08,165
she stops flirting...

577
00:31:08,167 --> 00:31:10,934
Sam, I told you,
we are definitely over!

578
00:31:10,936 --> 00:31:15,472
Giving him a bad case
of blue balls.

579
00:31:15,474 --> 00:31:16,506
I think I should
be a lawyer,

580
00:31:16,508 --> 00:31:18,242
but then again,
i want to be a vet.

581
00:31:18,244 --> 00:31:22,045
The final torment
is the worst.

582
00:31:22,047 --> 00:31:22,980
What are
we talking about?

583
00:31:22,982 --> 00:31:24,314
I can't do
any of those things.

584
00:31:24,316 --> 00:31:25,182
I suck.

585
00:31:25,184 --> 00:31:25,182
No, you're really smart.

586
00:31:25,184 --> 00:31:27,384
You can do anything
you set your mind to.

587
00:31:27,386 --> 00:31:28,986
By the way,
where am I taking you?

588
00:31:28,988 --> 00:31:28,986
We're going
to meet Carl.

589
00:31:28,988 --> 00:31:31,188
I want you
to be nice to him.

590
00:31:31,190 --> 00:31:33,657
He's
my new boyfriend.

591
00:31:37,562 --> 00:31:40,130
It's a ball-buster.

592
00:31:40,132 --> 00:31:43,333
Sam, this is Carl.

593
00:31:43,335 --> 00:31:44,902
Hi.

594
00:31:44,904 --> 00:31:45,469
Hi.

595
00:31:45,471 --> 00:31:46,904
Sam: This album cover,

596
00:31:46,906 --> 00:31:46,904
how did ripping it up

597
00:31:46,906 --> 00:31:50,207
connect to what was
ripping up hope's heart?

598
00:31:50,209 --> 00:31:52,276
I played this album
until my ears bled.

599
00:31:52,278 --> 00:31:55,479
I hope the lyrics might
provide some insight to me

600
00:31:55,481 --> 00:31:58,615
or to anyone else
who'll listen to it.

601
00:32:02,421 --> 00:32:05,389
Man: Turn down
that music!

602
00:32:05,391 --> 00:32:07,057
Please, listen!

603
00:32:07,059 --> 00:32:07,057
Aah! Aah!

604
00:32:07,059 --> 00:32:10,160
Hey, thanks for listening.

605
00:32:10,162 --> 00:32:11,995
By the way,
what are you today?

606
00:32:11,997 --> 00:32:16,667
The Vietnam war
memorial.

607
00:32:17,335 --> 00:32:19,569
Do you like music?

608
00:32:19,571 --> 00:32:19,569
Hey, whatcha doin'
back there?

609
00:32:19,571 --> 00:32:25,709
Gettin' ready to battle
in the corporate jungle?

610
00:32:27,111 --> 00:32:29,713
Is that your war paint?

611
00:32:30,381 --> 00:32:34,484
God, why do I even
try with her?

612
00:32:38,257 --> 00:32:40,490
Do you mind
if I call China?

613
00:32:40,492 --> 00:32:46,129
Hey, why do you have
your pager number
on speed dial?

614
00:32:48,334 --> 00:32:49,266
Oh, my god.

615
00:32:49,268 --> 00:32:51,268
What are you doing?

616
00:32:51,270 --> 00:32:51,268
Uh, nothing. I mean...

617
00:32:51,270 --> 00:32:55,172
You know, I was just
trying to make conversation.

618
00:32:55,174 --> 00:32:57,207
How come you won't
give me the time of day?

619
00:32:57,209 --> 00:32:59,276
Just give me
my coffee.

620
00:32:59,278 --> 00:33:02,245
No, not until
you give me some answers.

621
00:33:02,247 --> 00:33:03,313
Give it to me.

622
00:33:03,315 --> 00:33:05,716
No. Give me
some straight answers

623
00:33:05,718 --> 00:33:07,050
or the Espresso gets it.

624
00:33:07,052 --> 00:33:09,052
Look, I got a lot
on my mind today,

625
00:33:09,054 --> 00:33:09,052
and I don't
have time

626
00:33:09,054 --> 00:33:11,555
to be dealing with
somebody like you.

627
00:33:11,557 --> 00:33:11,555
Someone like me?

628
00:33:11,557 --> 00:33:14,491
What are you saying?
I'm a lowly delivery guy?

629
00:33:14,493 --> 00:33:14,491
I don't get it, you know?

630
00:33:14,493 --> 00:33:17,260
You women have always
been treated like crap

631
00:33:17,262 --> 00:33:18,428
by your boy's club bosses,

632
00:33:18,430 --> 00:33:18,428
and now that you career girls

633
00:33:18,430 --> 00:33:18,428
have finally clawed
your way to the top,

634
00:33:18,430 --> 00:33:22,599
why do you treat people
below you the same way, huh?

635
00:33:22,601 --> 00:33:24,701
Maybe I wouldn't
have to act like
such a bitch on wheels

636
00:33:24,703 --> 00:33:27,704
if you guys weren't
so angry that I made
more money than you.

637
00:33:27,706 --> 00:33:27,704
Now, give it to me!

638
00:33:27,706 --> 00:33:31,475
Pretty cranky in the morning
without your caffeine fix, huh?

639
00:33:31,477 --> 00:33:34,578
You know what makes
me angry with women
sometimes?

640
00:33:34,580 --> 00:33:34,578
I am a gentleman.

641
00:33:34,580 --> 00:33:34,578
I always open doors
for women,

642
00:33:34,580 --> 00:33:39,016
but when a woman
is in front of me
at an entrance,

643
00:33:39,018 --> 00:33:39,016
9 times out of 10,

644
00:33:39,018 --> 00:33:41,318
she doesn't hold
the door open for me.

645
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:42,619
You want men
to treat you as equals,

646
00:33:42,621 --> 00:33:45,055
but you won't give
equal treatment to men.

647
00:33:45,057 --> 00:33:46,256
What do you want?

648
00:33:46,258 --> 00:33:46,256
Respect.

649
00:33:46,258 --> 00:33:48,392
A "hello,"
a "how are you?" With feeling

650
00:33:48,394 --> 00:33:48,392
would be great for starters.

651
00:33:48,394 --> 00:33:52,796
Ok, how about "a good-bye"
and "to hell with you"?

652
00:33:52,798 --> 00:33:55,732
Aah! Aah! Aah!

653
00:33:55,734 --> 00:33:58,735
Aah! Aah! Aah!

654
00:34:01,672 --> 00:34:03,340
Stay.

655
00:34:11,349 --> 00:34:12,783
Willens: 5 bucks an hour.

656
00:34:12,785 --> 00:34:16,119
Plumber can blow me.

657
00:34:28,266 --> 00:34:32,436
Stop trying to find out
what happened to hope.

658
00:35:03,701 --> 00:35:06,236
Sam:
See, all I have to do
is find the girl

659
00:35:06,238 --> 00:35:08,538
who has this scar
on her behind--

660
00:35:08,540 --> 00:35:09,372
and boom!

661
00:35:09,374 --> 00:35:09,372
You can
crack the case.

662
00:35:23,689 --> 00:35:23,687
What are you doing?!

663
00:35:37,668 --> 00:35:37,667
Ohh.

664
00:35:37,669 --> 00:35:41,838
Woman: I hope that water's
not too cold!

665
00:35:43,441 --> 00:35:47,811
Rose petal,
rose petal,
beauty.

666
00:35:48,279 --> 00:35:50,313
Today,
I'm my vagina.

667
00:35:54,419 --> 00:35:56,319
To really complete
that assignment,

668
00:35:56,321 --> 00:36:00,390
you should add
an orgasm to it.

669
00:36:00,392 --> 00:36:02,325
Ohh, yeah!

670
00:36:08,700 --> 00:36:10,433
Ohh...

671
00:36:10,435 --> 00:36:12,569
Ahh...

672
00:36:12,571 --> 00:36:13,603
Uhh!

673
00:36:13,605 --> 00:36:14,671
Harder!

674
00:36:14,673 --> 00:36:16,306
Uhh!

675
00:36:17,909 --> 00:36:18,775
Deeper!

676
00:36:18,777 --> 00:36:21,945
Ohh,
yes! Yes!

677
00:36:21,947 --> 00:36:21,945
Do you know that phrase

678
00:36:21,947 --> 00:36:25,215
"behind every great man,
there's a great woman"?

679
00:36:25,217 --> 00:36:28,318
I'm sort of afraid that
I'll never be a great man

680
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:30,587
because I can't
get my great woman.

681
00:36:30,589 --> 00:36:31,888
I prefer
the corollary:

682
00:36:31,890 --> 00:36:36,326
"Behind
every great woman,
there's a great man."

683
00:36:36,328 --> 00:36:36,326
Look, I'm serious,
here, man.

684
00:36:36,328 --> 00:36:40,363
I mean, is it impossible
to become a great man

685
00:36:40,365 --> 00:36:42,399
without a great woman?

686
00:36:42,401 --> 00:36:43,767
Oh, what is this?

687
00:36:43,769 --> 00:36:44,901
W-we don't stock these!

688
00:36:44,903 --> 00:36:46,203
Oh, I ordered
those for me!

689
00:36:46,205 --> 00:36:47,904
<i> Older & bolder</i>
magazine?!

690
00:36:47,906 --> 00:36:50,473
<i> Grannies and fannies</i>
<i> illustrated?!</i>

691
00:36:50,475 --> 00:36:52,342
<i> Wide load review?!</i>

692
00:36:52,344 --> 00:36:54,644
<i> Stump monthly?!</i>

693
00:36:54,646 --> 00:36:55,779
Shut up!

694
00:36:55,781 --> 00:36:55,779
I'm tired of you
acting like

695
00:36:55,781 --> 00:36:59,783
you're from
the buckle
of the Bible belt.

696
00:36:59,785 --> 00:37:02,385
At least I have faced
the awful truth.

697
00:37:02,387 --> 00:37:04,788
What awful truth?

698
00:37:04,790 --> 00:37:07,524
I am gross.

699
00:37:07,526 --> 00:37:08,692
All men are,

700
00:37:08,694 --> 00:37:11,895
and every day, we face
the endless nightmare

701
00:37:11,897 --> 00:37:14,931
that love handle
by love handle,

702
00:37:14,933 --> 00:37:16,733
nose hair by nose hair,

703
00:37:16,735 --> 00:37:19,469
we are becoming
more grotesque versions

704
00:37:19,471 --> 00:37:20,971
of the cute boys
we once were.

705
00:37:20,973 --> 00:37:25,008
It is impossible to
stop the hordes of time

706
00:37:25,010 --> 00:37:26,643
from destroying
our muscle tone

707
00:37:26,645 --> 00:37:34,784
and leave us
with these defeated,
saggy male boobies!

708
00:37:36,821 --> 00:37:38,622
But I am at peace.

709
00:37:38,624 --> 00:37:41,424
I have come to grips
with the horror

710
00:37:41,426 --> 00:37:42,993
that has become me.

711
00:37:42,995 --> 00:37:46,563
So how does
<i> moist & midget</i> magazine

712
00:37:46,565 --> 00:37:46,563
improve your image?

713
00:37:46,565 --> 00:37:50,567
Because men are gross
on the inside, too.

714
00:37:50,569 --> 00:37:52,435
That's why
these magazines sell.

715
00:37:52,437 --> 00:37:55,538
A woman's pussy mound
is a slippery slope.

716
00:37:55,540 --> 00:37:57,874
Sex is a narcotic,
and you, my friend,

717
00:37:57,876 --> 00:37:59,876
are addicted
just like me,

718
00:37:59,878 --> 00:38:02,879
only you're at the
smoking marijuana stage.

719
00:38:02,881 --> 00:38:04,681
I'm at
the heroin stage.

720
00:38:04,683 --> 00:38:07,584
Yeah, more like
the speedballing stage.

721
00:38:07,586 --> 00:38:08,718
Good one.

722
00:38:08,720 --> 00:38:08,718
Now my point is

723
00:38:08,720 --> 00:38:13,523
an addict needs a bigger
and bigger fix each time

724
00:38:13,525 --> 00:38:13,523
just to get
the same high.

725
00:38:13,525 --> 00:38:16,893
That's why they move on
to the hard stuff.

726
00:38:16,895 --> 00:38:18,995
Uh, now sex is
the same way.

727
00:38:18,997 --> 00:38:20,964
You gotta get somethin'
kinkier and kinkier

728
00:38:20,966 --> 00:38:22,499
just to get the same
thrill in your drill.

729
00:38:22,501 --> 00:38:26,503
Ok, so, hence
<i> America's hairiest</i> magazine?

730
00:38:26,505 --> 00:38:29,539
Now, I don't know
if<i> America's hairiest</i>

731
00:38:29,541 --> 00:38:31,574
is gonna
get me donkey dick,

732
00:38:31,576 --> 00:38:33,677
but I'm a stoner
for a boner,

733
00:38:33,679 --> 00:38:35,645
and these magazines
are somebody's fix.

734
00:38:35,647 --> 00:38:38,014
They might get
my pecker high,
they might not.

735
00:38:38,016 --> 00:38:39,049
You are so far off,

736
00:38:39,051 --> 00:38:40,350
you're not even wrong.

737
00:38:40,352 --> 00:38:42,018
It is so much better
with a woman, man.

738
00:38:42,020 --> 00:38:42,018
Don't fool yourself.

739
00:38:42,020 --> 00:38:46,389
The straight screw
is the methadone of sex.

740
00:38:46,391 --> 00:38:48,825
It'll keep you from
the hard stuff
for a while,

741
00:38:48,827 --> 00:38:50,527
but sooner or later,

742
00:38:50,529 --> 00:38:53,363
you will roll off
your old lady

743
00:38:53,365 --> 00:38:57,600
just like an addict
falls off the wagon.

744
00:38:57,602 --> 00:38:59,035
Accept it, Sam.

745
00:38:59,037 --> 00:39:00,503
You and I are alike.

746
00:39:00,505 --> 00:39:05,108
Your weirdness
is one step away
from my grossness,

747
00:39:05,110 --> 00:39:07,644
and, look,
you enrolled
in art school

748
00:39:07,646 --> 00:39:07,644
so you could see
naked women.

749
00:39:07,646 --> 00:39:12,449
That is no different
than me looking
at dirty pictures.

750
00:39:12,451 --> 00:39:13,683
It's<i> completely</i>
different.

751
00:39:13,685 --> 00:39:17,520
One is art,
the other is pornography.

752
00:39:17,522 --> 00:39:21,391
Yes, but once you start
down that dark path,

753
00:39:21,393 --> 00:39:24,794
forever will it
dominatrix your destiny!

754
00:39:24,796 --> 00:39:26,563
Join me!

755
00:39:26,565 --> 00:39:28,665
Whoosh!

756
00:39:28,667 --> 00:39:30,433
I'll never join you!

757
00:39:30,435 --> 00:39:31,401
Whoosh!

758
00:39:31,403 --> 00:39:33,636
It's in your blood, Sam.

759
00:39:33,638 --> 00:39:35,772
I am your cousin.

760
00:39:35,774 --> 00:39:37,607
No!

761
00:39:43,013 --> 00:39:45,081
Now, Holden and i
did have some of the same DNA,

762
00:39:45,083 --> 00:39:48,551
and this meant that I could
have the same genetic
inclination as him

763
00:39:48,553 --> 00:39:51,588
towards becoming
the grand pooh-bah
of perversion.

764
00:39:51,590 --> 00:39:53,556
It had me spooked.

765
00:39:56,093 --> 00:39:58,395
All: Trick or treat!

766
00:39:58,397 --> 00:40:00,430
I should have guessed.

767
00:40:00,432 --> 00:40:03,767
Who are you supposed
to be?

768
00:40:05,136 --> 00:40:07,170
I'm popeye.

769
00:40:09,573 --> 00:40:11,408
And what am I supposed
to be?

770
00:40:11,410 --> 00:40:15,445
You, my dear,
are a freudian slip.

771
00:40:15,447 --> 00:40:17,147
You know what
i can't stand?
Mm-mmm.

772
00:40:17,149 --> 00:40:19,783
People who aren't
who they say they are,

773
00:40:19,785 --> 00:40:22,152
like, take for instance,

774
00:40:22,154 --> 00:40:23,987
wise old
mahatma Gandhi.

775
00:40:23,989 --> 00:40:26,055
Did you know
that in a speech

776
00:40:26,057 --> 00:40:27,857
advocating
non-violent protest,

777
00:40:27,859 --> 00:40:30,560
he once said
that Mussolini
wasn't a bad man?

778
00:40:30,562 --> 00:40:31,828
You know, I had
the same feeling

779
00:40:31,830 --> 00:40:33,863
when I saw a comic book
about the pope.

780
00:40:33,865 --> 00:40:37,133
I mean, what does the pope
need a comic book for?

781
00:40:37,135 --> 00:40:37,133
Yeah, and who
are the idiots

782
00:40:37,135 --> 00:40:40,770
that want to read
a comic book
on the pope?

783
00:40:40,772 --> 00:40:40,770
Yeah, exactly, like,

784
00:40:40,772 --> 00:40:43,840
what do I want,
Batman or the pope?

785
00:40:43,842 --> 00:40:46,643
Like, the popemobile
is as cool as the Batmobile.

786
00:40:46,645 --> 00:40:46,643
Come on.

787
00:40:46,645 --> 00:40:46,643
I'm gonna get
some more candy.

788
00:40:46,645 --> 00:40:51,581
Ok. I mean,
don't get me wrong
or anything.

789
00:40:51,583 --> 00:40:52,749
I'm not
a Bible-basher.

790
00:40:52,751 --> 00:40:55,051
I'm an equal-opportunity
curmudgeon,

791
00:40:55,053 --> 00:40:56,019
and I also
hate the jerks

792
00:40:56,021 --> 00:40:57,887
on the other end
of the spectrum.

793
00:40:57,889 --> 00:40:59,489
You know the ones.

794
00:40:59,491 --> 00:41:01,791
Got those
old beat-up cars

795
00:41:01,793 --> 00:41:03,193
with the bumper sticker
on the bottom there

796
00:41:03,195 --> 00:41:03,193
that says, like,
you know,

797
00:41:03,195 --> 00:41:07,597
"don't laugh.
Your daughter might be
in the trunk."

798
00:41:07,599 --> 00:41:09,766
His name is
Richard Blaine.

799
00:41:09,768 --> 00:41:11,034
I think he's
the peckerhead

800
00:41:11,036 --> 00:41:12,168
who broke
hope's heart.

801
00:41:12,170 --> 00:41:14,871
Yeah. This party is
the perfect place

802
00:41:14,873 --> 00:41:15,805
for us to get
the girls

803
00:41:15,807 --> 00:41:17,874
to give us
the skinny on him.

804
00:41:17,876 --> 00:41:20,477
Gotcha. Let's probe.

805
00:41:20,479 --> 00:41:21,778
Ahh!

806
00:41:21,780 --> 00:41:23,112
You know, my friend
Richard Blaine

807
00:41:23,114 --> 00:41:27,550
used to do an acting
exercise exactly like that.

808
00:41:27,552 --> 00:41:29,586
This isn't
an exercise.

809
00:41:29,588 --> 00:41:33,056
This is
how I dance.

810
00:41:33,058 --> 00:41:34,757
Ooh, ooh, ahh!

811
00:41:34,759 --> 00:41:39,229
So, uh, do you
know a guy named
Richard Blaine?

812
00:41:39,231 --> 00:41:42,098
Carl!

813
00:41:44,535 --> 00:41:47,670
Has anyone ever told you
you got a rack

814
00:41:47,672 --> 00:41:49,172
that should be bronzed?

815
00:41:49,174 --> 00:41:51,007
Beat it.

816
00:41:52,543 --> 00:41:54,544
Yeah, my friend
Richard Blaine

817
00:41:54,546 --> 00:41:56,679
loves puzzles
like this.

818
00:41:56,681 --> 00:41:58,548
Do you know him?

819
00:41:58,550 --> 00:42:02,752
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

820
00:42:04,889 --> 00:42:06,089
Did you get it done?

821
00:42:06,091 --> 00:42:08,024
Yeah.

822
00:42:08,026 --> 00:42:10,159
Ooh!

823
00:42:12,730 --> 00:42:14,230
Hey, hey, wait!

824
00:42:14,232 --> 00:42:17,066
How do you get
out of this thing?!

825
00:42:24,008 --> 00:42:27,243
What you doin',
finger fuckin'?

826
00:42:27,245 --> 00:42:31,614
No.
It's a Chinese
finger puzzle.

827
00:42:31,616 --> 00:42:33,683
See, the harder
i pull,

828
00:42:33,685 --> 00:42:37,320
the more stuck
i become.

829
00:42:37,322 --> 00:42:38,821
Yeah, that happened
to me once,

830
00:42:38,823 --> 00:42:40,123
except it wasn't
in a puzzle.

831
00:42:40,125 --> 00:42:42,058
It was in an Asian chick.

832
00:42:42,060 --> 00:42:43,726
What was her name?

833
00:42:43,728 --> 00:42:46,896
Chewme wang. Ohh.

834
00:42:46,898 --> 00:42:50,166
You know, this thing
has got me thinkin'.

835
00:42:50,668 --> 00:42:53,770
Hope is a lot
like this puzzle.

836
00:42:53,772 --> 00:42:55,138
The harder I try,

837
00:42:55,140 --> 00:42:59,208
the further
i get away
from solving it.

838
00:43:08,352 --> 00:43:11,087
If you want to find out
what happened to hope,

839
00:43:11,089 --> 00:43:12,822
do exactly as I say

840
00:43:12,824 --> 00:43:16,326
and keep
absolutely quiet.

841
00:43:18,228 --> 00:43:20,630
Now wait here.

842
00:43:20,632 --> 00:43:22,999
If you want to have

843
00:43:23,001 --> 00:43:25,969
the greatest sex
of your life,

844
00:43:25,971 --> 00:43:28,938
do exactly as I say.

845
00:43:28,940 --> 00:43:32,041
Ooh...Kinky.

846
00:43:32,043 --> 00:43:33,876
You know
what gets me hot?

847
00:43:33,878 --> 00:43:37,280
Doing it
in complete silence.

848
00:43:37,282 --> 00:43:38,881
Shh.

849
00:43:53,664 --> 00:43:56,265
What are you doing?

850
00:43:57,668 --> 00:44:00,103
Sam?

851
00:44:00,105 --> 00:44:00,103
Holden?

852
00:44:00,105 --> 00:44:02,205
I told you to stop
trying to find out

853
00:44:02,207 --> 00:44:03,640
what happened
to hope,

854
00:44:03,642 --> 00:44:06,275
but you wouldn't
listen.

855
00:44:06,977 --> 00:44:09,746
You know that
Chinese finger puzzle?

856
00:44:09,748 --> 00:44:09,746
Yeah.

857
00:44:09,748 --> 00:44:12,315
It doesn't just
work on fingers.

858
00:44:12,317 --> 00:44:13,716
Aah!
Aah!

859
00:44:13,718 --> 00:44:15,084
Aah!
Aah!

860
00:44:15,086 --> 00:44:17,954
Aah!
Aah!

861
00:44:17,956 --> 00:44:20,356
Oh, god! Holden,
lower your puppy!

862
00:44:20,358 --> 00:44:21,758
Lower your puppy!

863
00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:26,362
Hey, it's the wise guy.

864
00:44:26,830 --> 00:44:29,332
Aah! Ooh! Aah!

865
00:44:32,936 --> 00:44:34,837
This way.
Come on, this way!

866
00:44:34,839 --> 00:44:37,240
This way--whoa!

867
00:44:37,242 --> 00:44:39,776
Aah!
Aah!

868
00:44:41,111 --> 00:44:43,713
Ohh!
Ohh!

869
00:45:00,230 --> 00:45:01,964
Aah!
Ohh!

870
00:45:07,271 --> 00:45:08,938
Now, cough.

871
00:45:14,278 --> 00:45:17,113
Sam: Oh, man,
my heart's beatin' so fast,

872
00:45:17,115 --> 00:45:18,848
I can't reduce
the blood flow, you know?

873
00:45:18,850 --> 00:45:21,818
You guys have been
in that bathroom
a long time.

874
00:45:21,820 --> 00:45:23,019
What's the holdup?

875
00:45:23,822 --> 00:45:25,154
How you doin', Holden?

876
00:45:25,156 --> 00:45:26,122
No luck.

877
00:45:26,124 --> 00:45:26,122
Man, I need
inspiration.

878
00:45:26,124 --> 00:45:31,894
I need impotence-
inspiring imagery.

879
00:45:31,896 --> 00:45:33,362
Yeah.
Aha.

880
00:45:33,364 --> 00:45:35,364
What is this?

881
00:45:35,366 --> 00:45:36,499
Check out
this fat chick.

882
00:45:36,501 --> 00:45:38,901
Now, she is
a real bahama mama.

883
00:45:38,903 --> 00:45:42,872
She is fatty, fatty,
fat-fat.

884
00:45:42,874 --> 00:45:44,774
Ohh, I think
it's workin'.

885
00:45:44,776 --> 00:45:45,374
Sam: Is it?

886
00:45:45,376 --> 00:45:49,779
Yes, it...Is!
Really?

887
00:45:49,781 --> 00:45:51,380
Ohh...
Ohh...

888
00:45:51,382 --> 00:45:52,849
Nothin' like
somethin' saggy

889
00:45:52,851 --> 00:45:54,951
to make you go
soggy.

890
00:45:54,953 --> 00:45:57,487
Here,
try it, Sam.

891
00:46:09,466 --> 00:46:12,401
It's you,
isn't it?

892
00:46:19,943 --> 00:46:21,778
Hey, what do you say
i take you out

893
00:46:21,780 --> 00:46:22,945
for a cup of coffee?

894
00:46:22,947 --> 00:46:24,881
No, I can't.

895
00:46:24,883 --> 00:46:27,917
My mascara's all smeared.

896
00:46:28,352 --> 00:46:31,454
Ohh, and I smeared
my eyebrow tint.

897
00:46:32,991 --> 00:46:34,223
It's ok. It's ok.

898
00:46:34,225 --> 00:46:34,223
You can just
wipe it off.

899
00:46:34,225 --> 00:46:38,561
I can't. I just spilled
the remover.

900
00:46:39,029 --> 00:46:40,363
I'm a freak.

901
00:46:40,365 --> 00:46:43,099
Hey...
Come on, Annie.

902
00:46:43,101 --> 00:46:45,368
Let me take you out.

903
00:46:45,370 --> 00:46:46,369
See?

904
00:46:46,371 --> 00:46:50,339
We can be freaks
together.

905
00:46:50,808 --> 00:46:54,877
People back then
used to call me
gargantu-Ann.

906
00:46:54,879 --> 00:46:56,479
Now I'm what
they'd call

907
00:46:56,481 --> 00:47:00,116
nothing special,
nothing scary.

908
00:47:01,318 --> 00:47:03,986
I think you're very cute.

909
00:47:06,323 --> 00:47:08,324
Thanks.

910
00:47:10,093 --> 00:47:11,928
Let me see.

911
00:47:13,130 --> 00:47:15,398
That's
pretty good.

912
00:47:15,400 --> 00:47:17,066
When I was a little kid,

913
00:47:17,068 --> 00:47:19,402
they used to say
that I looked like

914
00:47:19,404 --> 00:47:21,871
one of those strange
Dr. Seuss creatures.

915
00:47:21,873 --> 00:47:23,973
They called me "Sam I am,"
you know?

916
00:47:23,975 --> 00:47:26,242
From<i> green eggs and ham?</i>

917
00:47:26,244 --> 00:47:27,443
And when they teased me,

918
00:47:27,445 --> 00:47:31,147
you know what I used to do
to cheer myself up?

919
00:47:31,315 --> 00:47:33,616
"I like to eat them
when they're hot.

920
00:47:33,618 --> 00:47:35,418
I'd also eat them
mixed with snot."

921
00:47:35,420 --> 00:47:37,019
"I'll eat them
in the morning dew,

922
00:47:37,021 --> 00:47:39,055
I'll eat them till
i have to spew."

923
00:47:39,057 --> 00:47:41,123
"I like to eat
green eggs and ham."

924
00:47:41,125 --> 00:47:44,527
Both: "Yes, I do,
Sam I am."

925
00:47:52,069 --> 00:47:57,039
Well,
good night, Sam I am.

926
00:47:57,041 --> 00:47:59,108
Good night, Annie.

927
00:48:15,659 --> 00:48:17,093
Hey, Tanya,
are you ok?

928
00:48:18,396 --> 00:48:19,195
Ohh!

929
00:48:20,899 --> 00:48:22,331
Aah!

930
00:48:22,333 --> 00:48:24,233
Tanya, are you home?!

931
00:48:24,235 --> 00:48:25,935
It's Peggy. Open up!

932
00:48:25,937 --> 00:48:28,204
Tanya: Ohh!
Tanya!

933
00:48:28,572 --> 00:48:30,039
Where you been?
I've been calling.

934
00:48:30,041 --> 00:48:31,240
My phone's
off the hook.

935
00:48:31,242 --> 00:48:32,208
This is
your big break.

936
00:48:32,210 --> 00:48:32,208
What are
you talking about?

937
00:48:32,210 --> 00:48:32,208
There's
a breaking story
on spring street,

938
00:48:32,210 --> 00:48:35,945
now?
And Charles
says it runs.

939
00:48:35,947 --> 00:48:37,046
They want you
on camera!

940
00:48:37,048 --> 00:48:38,114
Oh, my god!
Now!

941
00:48:38,116 --> 00:48:39,048
I'm serious, man.

942
00:48:39,050 --> 00:48:40,516
Her pager
is her vibrator.

943
00:48:40,518 --> 00:48:43,519
I always wondered
why she set
her pager number

944
00:48:43,521 --> 00:48:44,587
on speed dial.

945
00:48:44,589 --> 00:48:47,223
It's that new
speed dilate service.

946
00:48:48,526 --> 00:48:49,458
Ohh!

947
00:48:52,229 --> 00:48:53,963
Ow. Ohh.

948
00:48:57,134 --> 00:48:58,167
Ohh-ho-ho!

949
00:48:58,169 --> 00:48:59,602
Man, we gotta
stop laughing.

950
00:48:59,604 --> 00:49:02,972
I'm still recovering
from that Chinese puzzle.

951
00:49:02,974 --> 00:49:05,408
Yeah.
Hurts, doesn't it?

952
00:49:05,410 --> 00:49:05,408
Hey.

953
00:49:05,410 --> 00:49:08,044
Hi. We're at
loyola high school

954
00:49:08,046 --> 00:49:09,612
with Mr. delgado and--

955
00:49:09,614 --> 00:49:11,047
do you know
her pager number?

956
00:49:11,049 --> 00:49:13,582
Uh...I think
it was, like...

957
00:49:13,584 --> 00:49:16,118
555-0068...

958
00:49:16,120 --> 00:49:17,520
Or something.

959
00:49:17,522 --> 00:49:18,621
Why?

960
00:49:18,623 --> 00:49:21,023
Testing out
your theory.

961
00:49:21,025 --> 00:49:21,023
No, Holden, don't!

962
00:49:21,025 --> 00:49:24,226
Uhh! Hey! Unh!
Give me that!

963
00:49:24,228 --> 00:49:26,128
Uhh! You know what
your problem is, Sam?

964
00:49:26,130 --> 00:49:28,431
You're pussy-whipped,
and you're not even
getting any pussy.

965
00:49:28,433 --> 00:49:31,167
This Tanya is treating
you like scum,

966
00:49:31,169 --> 00:49:32,268
and you stand up for her

967
00:49:32,270 --> 00:49:34,170
because she makes
your pecker stand up.

968
00:49:34,172 --> 00:49:35,638
Now give me the phone!
Give me that!

969
00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:38,174
No. Go screw
yourself, man.

970
00:49:38,176 --> 00:49:39,308
Precisely.

971
00:49:39,310 --> 00:49:42,244
That is the only way
to stop a woman

972
00:49:42,246 --> 00:49:44,213
from using your dick
as a stick shift

973
00:49:44,215 --> 00:49:45,314
and driving you
around town

974
00:49:45,316 --> 00:49:47,984
on a full tank
of your hormones.

975
00:49:47,986 --> 00:49:49,585
Ohh! Take it
from me, Sam.

976
00:49:49,587 --> 00:49:51,721
I cannot tell you
the number of times

977
00:49:51,723 --> 00:49:54,156
a girl's got me
to fix her car

978
00:49:54,158 --> 00:49:54,156
or paint her house

979
00:49:54,158 --> 00:49:57,026
or take her husband
to the airport.

980
00:49:57,028 --> 00:49:58,260
Or go to the damn
farmer's market

981
00:49:58,262 --> 00:50:00,663
and sit through
the pain-in-the-ass opera.

982
00:50:00,665 --> 00:50:02,331
Shut up, Jason,
shut up!

983
00:50:02,333 --> 00:50:03,399
No, Jason's right.

984
00:50:03,401 --> 00:50:06,268
Jason's a meathead,
but he's right.

985
00:50:06,270 --> 00:50:06,268
Now, listen, Sam.

986
00:50:06,270 --> 00:50:09,672
I did all kinds
of these things

987
00:50:09,674 --> 00:50:11,707
because a guy's
backed-up balls

988
00:50:11,709 --> 00:50:13,576
are the biggest
reservoir of hope

989
00:50:13,578 --> 00:50:15,344
this world
has ever seen!

990
00:50:15,346 --> 00:50:17,646
You know,
trying to get laid
by fixing a fan belt

991
00:50:17,648 --> 00:50:19,348
is your fault,
Holden, yours!

992
00:50:19,350 --> 00:50:23,652
Oh, Samuel,
you are so full
of man gravy.

993
00:50:23,654 --> 00:50:23,652
Now, listen.

994
00:50:23,654 --> 00:50:25,688
You need to be
more like me

995
00:50:25,690 --> 00:50:27,356
and take matters
into your own hands.

996
00:50:27,358 --> 00:50:29,658
Why do you think
they call it
masturbate?

997
00:50:29,660 --> 00:50:30,726
Because it allows you

998
00:50:30,728 --> 00:50:33,396
to be the master
of your own fate.

999
00:50:33,398 --> 00:50:35,231
And it's not just
a physical release.

1000
00:50:35,233 --> 00:50:38,567
It is a release
of women's control
over you.

1001
00:50:38,569 --> 00:50:39,602
Jason!

1002
00:50:39,604 --> 00:50:41,170
If you don't
need them,

1003
00:50:41,172 --> 00:50:42,304
they can't
manipulate you.

1004
00:50:42,306 --> 00:50:44,573
I'm doing this
for your own good.

1005
00:50:44,575 --> 00:50:48,577
Today is your
independence day, Sam.

1006
00:50:54,252 --> 00:50:56,318
That...If anyone

1007
00:50:56,320 --> 00:51:01,257
deserves, heh,
a...Ahh...

1008
00:51:01,259 --> 00:51:02,591
And, um...

1009
00:51:02,593 --> 00:51:05,294
Miracles can happen!

1010
00:51:07,732 --> 00:51:10,499
Uhh! Huh!

1011
00:51:10,501 --> 00:51:11,600
Aah!

1012
00:51:11,602 --> 00:51:14,270
Holden,
you're such a...

1013
00:51:14,272 --> 00:51:15,504
Unh!

1014
00:51:15,506 --> 00:51:16,639
A dick.

1015
00:51:16,641 --> 00:51:18,674
And so are you.

1016
00:51:18,676 --> 00:51:18,674
Ohh!

1017
00:51:18,676 --> 00:51:21,744
Sam: After standing up
for Tanya,

1018
00:51:21,746 --> 00:51:23,846
I decided I should
stand up for myself,

1019
00:51:23,848 --> 00:51:27,416
especially with the evil
she-dumper Gretchen.

1020
00:51:27,418 --> 00:51:29,418
You know what, Gretchen?

1021
00:51:29,420 --> 00:51:30,486
It just occurred to me.

1022
00:51:30,488 --> 00:51:31,654
You're just like
this bike.

1023
00:51:31,656 --> 00:51:31,654
I'm cold and thirsty.

1024
00:51:31,656 --> 00:51:37,393
I'm cold and thirsty.
I'm cold and thirsty.

1025
00:51:37,395 --> 00:51:37,393
You're so directionless.

1026
00:51:37,395 --> 00:51:37,393
I don't know
what I want to do.

1027
00:51:37,395 --> 00:51:41,297
On one hand, I could
be a graphic designer,

1028
00:51:41,299 --> 00:51:42,431
or I could be a singer,

1029
00:51:42,433 --> 00:51:42,431
or I could be a doctor,

1030
00:51:42,433 --> 00:51:44,667
or I could be
a pet detective,

1031
00:51:44,669 --> 00:51:44,667
or I could be--

1032
00:51:44,669 --> 00:51:47,703
and I'm always
pumping up your ego,

1033
00:51:47,705 --> 00:51:50,306
like...
You're very creative.

1034
00:51:50,308 --> 00:51:51,674
I'm creative?

1035
00:51:51,676 --> 00:51:52,775
You're very smart.

1036
00:51:52,777 --> 00:51:53,676
I'm smart?

1037
00:51:53,678 --> 00:51:55,177
You're very sexy.

1038
00:51:55,179 --> 00:51:56,145
I'm sexy?

1039
00:51:56,147 --> 00:51:58,280
I am sexy.

1040
00:51:58,282 --> 00:51:59,815
You're really
high-maintenance.

1041
00:51:59,817 --> 00:52:00,683
Come on, let's go.

1042
00:52:00,685 --> 00:52:02,518
But Carl's
the other way.

1043
00:52:02,520 --> 00:52:02,518
Yeah, but
i gotta go now.

1044
00:52:02,520 --> 00:52:04,887
Yeah, but you wouldn't
even have this bike

1045
00:52:04,889 --> 00:52:04,887
if I hadn't
given you mine.

1046
00:52:04,889 --> 00:52:08,424
You know what?
It's your bike,
and you can keep it,

1047
00:52:08,426 --> 00:52:10,826
because it's
a real piece of work.

1048
00:52:10,828 --> 00:52:13,229
All right. Unh!

1049
00:52:13,231 --> 00:52:14,396
I'll give it to Carl.

1050
00:52:14,398 --> 00:52:17,166
I don't need you
to ride my bike.

1051
00:52:17,168 --> 00:52:19,902
Hey, what happened
to the brakes?

1052
00:52:19,904 --> 00:52:21,837
Sam, help!

1053
00:52:21,839 --> 00:52:25,441
Hope: Sugar with
the coffee, right?

1054
00:52:25,443 --> 00:52:27,243
Sam: Yeah, please.

1055
00:52:27,844 --> 00:52:31,714
You know what I saw
on the shopping channel
the other day?

1056
00:52:31,716 --> 00:52:31,714
No.

1057
00:52:31,716 --> 00:52:35,518
Oh, they're selling
action figures
of the pope.

1058
00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:35,518
Really? Heh.

1059
00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:39,388
What are you doing
with my box?

1060
00:52:39,390 --> 00:52:41,924
Oh, thought we could
play checkers.

1061
00:52:48,765 --> 00:52:51,734
So what do you do
when there's something

1062
00:52:51,736 --> 00:52:52,868
you really want...

1063
00:52:52,870 --> 00:52:55,471
But you know you can
never have it?

1064
00:52:55,473 --> 00:52:59,475
Uh, you become
a delivery guy
for your uncle.

1065
00:52:59,477 --> 00:53:01,710
I mean,
becoming an artist,

1066
00:53:01,712 --> 00:53:05,347
is that what you
always wanted to do?

1067
00:53:05,349 --> 00:53:05,347
Yeah.

1068
00:53:05,349 --> 00:53:08,484
So then why
did you quit?

1069
00:53:08,486 --> 00:53:12,955
Because a favorite teacher
told me I couldn't draw.

1070
00:53:13,323 --> 00:53:17,359
Well, you know, people
are wrong all the time.

1071
00:53:18,828 --> 00:53:21,497
Why don't you draw me?

1072
00:53:21,499 --> 00:53:22,798
Hmm, forget it.

1073
00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:27,303
I used to pose
for art classes
all the time.

1074
00:53:27,771 --> 00:53:31,674
I--i could never
do you justice.

1075
00:53:31,676 --> 00:53:32,641
If you draw me,

1076
00:53:32,643 --> 00:53:35,244
I'll show you
my etchings.

1077
00:53:35,246 --> 00:53:37,646
Uh, well,
I'm sure your etchings

1078
00:53:37,648 --> 00:53:40,716
are a masterpiece.

1079
00:53:42,385 --> 00:53:45,521
You really need to see
the crosshatching

1080
00:53:45,523 --> 00:53:47,590
to appreciate it.

1081
00:54:38,275 --> 00:54:39,308
Let's see.

1082
00:54:39,310 --> 00:54:40,042
No. It's terrible.

1083
00:54:40,044 --> 00:54:42,311
Come on.
Let me see.

1084
00:54:42,313 --> 00:54:44,780
I let you see.

1085
00:54:46,349 --> 00:54:48,484
That's not terrible.

1086
00:54:48,486 --> 00:54:50,352
Why do you think
it's bad?

1087
00:54:50,354 --> 00:54:52,755
Look at the spacial
relationships.

1088
00:54:52,757 --> 00:54:54,556
They're
too exaggerated.

1089
00:54:54,558 --> 00:54:56,592
It barely looks
like you.

1090
00:54:56,594 --> 00:54:58,327
I made you
funny-looking.

1091
00:54:58,329 --> 00:54:58,327
It's like a 5-year-old
did this.

1092
00:54:58,329 --> 00:55:03,432
Hey, I was just watching
a special on Picasso.

1093
00:55:03,434 --> 00:55:05,868
You know what he said
about his own drawings?

1094
00:55:05,870 --> 00:55:08,404
That he strived
to draw like a child

1095
00:55:08,406 --> 00:55:12,474
because he said that
a child's drawings
aren't affected by rules,

1096
00:55:12,476 --> 00:55:14,476
and they are
extremely expressive.

1097
00:55:14,478 --> 00:55:17,613
They truthfully show
what's inside the child.

1098
00:55:17,615 --> 00:55:21,617
Yeah, but I wasn't
striving to draw
like a child.

1099
00:55:21,619 --> 00:55:24,320
It just happened
by mistake.

1100
00:55:24,322 --> 00:55:27,656
Maybe our mistakes
are really our style.

1101
00:55:27,658 --> 00:55:29,892
Maybe...Maybe
we make mistakes

1102
00:55:29,894 --> 00:55:34,963
because deep down
we really want
to make them.

1103
00:55:35,799 --> 00:55:37,933
I lost my job
thanks to you.

1104
00:55:37,935 --> 00:55:39,368
I didn't make
those calls.

1105
00:55:39,370 --> 00:55:41,070
All right? It was
my cousin Holden.

1106
00:55:41,072 --> 00:55:41,070
His dad owns this place.

1107
00:55:41,072 --> 00:55:43,872
It's true.
I tried to stop him.

1108
00:55:43,874 --> 00:55:45,107
Mm-hmm.
You're lying.

1109
00:55:45,109 --> 00:55:45,107
No, really.

1110
00:55:45,109 --> 00:55:48,043
Holden and me got into
a big fight about it.

1111
00:55:48,045 --> 00:55:48,944
Oh, yeah, right.

1112
00:55:48,946 --> 00:55:50,479
Just because I'm a guy

1113
00:55:50,481 --> 00:55:52,047
doesn't mean
I'm out to screw you.

1114
00:55:52,049 --> 00:55:53,549
Why do you hate men
so much?

1115
00:55:53,551 --> 00:55:55,684
Women are just
superior to men.

1116
00:55:55,686 --> 00:55:55,684
Like how?

1117
00:55:55,686 --> 00:55:55,684
Like you can't
have babies.

1118
00:55:55,686 --> 00:55:58,921
Like you can't open
jars of peanut butter.

1119
00:55:58,923 --> 00:55:58,921
Women mature
faster than men.

1120
00:55:58,923 --> 00:56:01,957
Men are faster getting
out of the bathroom
in the morning.

1121
00:56:01,959 --> 00:56:03,058
All serial killers are men.

1122
00:56:03,060 --> 00:56:04,927
Almost all cereal box
mascots are men.

1123
00:56:04,929 --> 00:56:06,662
Women can have
multiple orgasms.

1124
00:56:06,664 --> 00:56:08,097
We don't have
to fake them.

1125
00:56:08,099 --> 00:56:08,097
Women live longer
than men.

1126
00:56:08,099 --> 00:56:11,066
It's the only way we can
get away from you.

1127
00:56:11,068 --> 00:56:12,801
You can't take
anything seriously.

1128
00:56:12,803 --> 00:56:13,936
You can't take a joke.

1129
00:56:13,938 --> 00:56:15,504
I don't need a man
for a thing.

1130
00:56:15,506 --> 00:56:18,040
You just set your beeper
on vibrate.

1131
00:56:18,042 --> 00:56:20,976
Ok! So put your
hands up, hairball!

1132
00:56:20,978 --> 00:56:23,812
That is real good,
pretty lady.

1133
00:56:23,814 --> 00:56:25,414
Ohh! Heh heh, that's--

1134
00:56:25,416 --> 00:56:27,449
ok, here it is.
Here's the deal.

1135
00:56:27,451 --> 00:56:29,551
Hey! I said
put your hands up!

1136
00:56:29,553 --> 00:56:30,686
I don't want
any funny business.

1137
00:56:30,688 --> 00:56:30,686
There are 20,000
comedians out of work,

1138
00:56:30,688 --> 00:56:35,157
and I don't need
you to act funny
like a bump on a log.

1139
00:56:35,159 --> 00:56:36,925
Now let me tell you
what this is all about.

1140
00:56:36,927 --> 00:56:38,627
Every day I come
in here, I say,

1141
00:56:38,629 --> 00:56:40,129
"hey, pal, can you spare
a cup of coffee,

1142
00:56:40,131 --> 00:56:42,598
cream, a little sugar,
a little sugar?"

1143
00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:45,000
And every day,
every damn day,

1144
00:56:45,002 --> 00:56:45,000
you give me ragtime.

1145
00:56:45,002 --> 00:56:45,000
Well, guess what?
Today you're on the rag.

1146
00:56:45,002 --> 00:56:49,438
You understand
what I'm saying?
It's your turn.

1147
00:56:49,440 --> 00:56:52,508
So I want you to open
that cash register,

1148
00:56:52,510 --> 00:56:54,877
take out all the cash,

1149
00:56:54,879 --> 00:56:56,545
and while you're at it,
let's see...

1150
00:56:56,547 --> 00:56:56,545
Unh! Unh!

1151
00:56:56,547 --> 00:56:59,648
Give me a pack of smokes--
ultra-light 100s--

1152
00:56:59,650 --> 00:57:01,483
uh, a package
of breath mints...

1153
00:57:01,485 --> 00:57:02,551
Uhh!
And--and, uh,

1154
00:57:02,553 --> 00:57:02,551
wet lubricant stuff.

1155
00:57:02,553 --> 00:57:02,551
I'm gonna party tonight.
I am.

1156
00:57:02,553 --> 00:57:08,090
And you know what?
I'm gonna party
on your dime.

1157
00:57:08,092 --> 00:57:10,592
Ohh! Aah!

1158
00:57:10,594 --> 00:57:12,094
Would you stop dancing?

1159
00:57:12,096 --> 00:57:12,094
Uhh!

1160
00:57:12,096 --> 00:57:14,730
You don't want
to get me pissed off!

1161
00:57:14,732 --> 00:57:16,999
Ohh!

1162
00:57:17,001 --> 00:57:18,567
Aah! Ohh!

1163
00:57:18,569 --> 00:57:19,201
Ohh!

1164
00:57:19,203 --> 00:57:21,670
If you do not open

1165
00:57:21,672 --> 00:57:22,905
that cash register
drawer--

1166
00:57:26,009 --> 00:57:27,676
Tanya: Ohh!

1167
00:57:27,678 --> 00:57:29,178
Uhh! Ohh!

1168
00:57:29,180 --> 00:57:30,779
Oh, god.

1169
00:57:30,781 --> 00:57:32,147
Ohh! Uhh!

1170
00:57:32,149 --> 00:57:36,185
I thought you said
you didn't need a man
for anything?

1171
00:57:36,187 --> 00:57:37,653
Ohh, please.

1172
00:57:37,655 --> 00:57:41,156
You couldn't have
done that without me.

1173
00:57:43,461 --> 00:57:47,796
Hope. Come on,
hope, open up.

1174
00:57:47,798 --> 00:57:48,697
Sam.

1175
00:57:48,699 --> 00:57:49,665
They're evicting you.

1176
00:57:49,667 --> 00:57:51,600
Yeah, that's
what happens, ok,

1177
00:57:51,602 --> 00:57:52,901
when you don't
go to work,

1178
00:57:52,903 --> 00:57:54,837
get a paycheck,
and pay your rent.

1179
00:57:54,839 --> 00:57:56,605
Would you please
just leave?

1180
00:57:56,607 --> 00:57:59,975
No. I'm not leaving
until I get some answers.

1181
00:57:59,977 --> 00:57:59,975
You're not helping.

1182
00:57:59,977 --> 00:58:04,947
Well, then at least
tell me when this
is gonna be over.

1183
00:58:04,949 --> 00:58:07,583
I don't know.

1184
00:58:07,585 --> 00:58:10,185
I keep looking
for proof.

1185
00:58:10,187 --> 00:58:11,887
Proof of what?

1186
00:58:11,889 --> 00:58:15,524
Sam, you've been
really sweet.

1187
00:58:20,563 --> 00:58:23,098
Mmm.

1188
00:58:34,277 --> 00:58:39,615
I think it's best
we say good-bye now.

1189
00:58:52,095 --> 00:58:53,028
Hey...

1190
00:58:53,030 --> 00:58:56,131
I'm not gonna leave.

1191
00:58:56,133 --> 00:59:01,169
I'll stay out here
forever if I have to.

1192
00:59:19,989 --> 00:59:22,124
Hey, I heard you
and hope before.

1193
00:59:22,126 --> 00:59:25,727
I baked you this.
It's chocolate.
My favorite.

1194
00:59:25,729 --> 00:59:27,863
Nah. No, thanks.

1195
00:59:27,865 --> 00:59:29,798
It'll make you
feel better, really.

1196
00:59:29,800 --> 00:59:32,734
Every time I was sad,
i had one of these.

1197
00:59:32,736 --> 00:59:32,734
Does it work?

1198
00:59:32,736 --> 00:59:35,938
It worked for me
hundreds of times.

1199
00:59:35,940 --> 00:59:37,806
You should keep it,
then, you know?

1200
00:59:37,808 --> 00:59:40,776
Hello, my name is Annie,
I'm a chocoholic.

1201
00:59:40,778 --> 00:59:44,046
I've been cocoa-free
for one year, 3 months,
and 6 days.

1202
00:59:44,048 --> 00:59:46,982
I have a bite of this,
and I'm an addict again.

1203
00:59:46,984 --> 00:59:49,084
Ok, I'm sorry,
i--i forgot.

1204
00:59:49,086 --> 00:59:51,787
Let me give it
a taste here.

1205
00:59:53,990 --> 00:59:55,857
Mmm, that's good.

1206
00:59:55,859 --> 00:59:56,925
Did you know that
chocolate

1207
00:59:56,927 --> 00:59:56,925
has the same
chemical in it

1208
00:59:56,927 --> 01:00:00,295
that your body
produces when
you're in love?

1209
01:00:00,297 --> 01:00:00,295
Is that true?

1210
01:00:00,297 --> 01:00:03,198
I mean, I don't know
for sure.

1211
01:00:03,200 --> 01:00:04,166
I've...

1212
01:00:04,168 --> 01:00:06,602
Never been in love
before,

1213
01:00:06,604 --> 01:00:09,271
but that's
what they say.

1214
01:00:10,340 --> 01:00:12,274
You have nice legs.

1215
01:00:12,276 --> 01:00:14,176
No.

1216
01:00:14,178 --> 01:00:16,979
Please, just stop
looking at them.

1217
01:00:16,981 --> 01:00:18,347
Hey, let me see
your butt.

1218
01:00:18,349 --> 01:00:20,048
No! I don't want you
to see my legs.

1219
01:00:20,050 --> 01:00:21,883
I certainly am
not gonna let you
see my butt!

1220
01:00:21,885 --> 01:00:23,085
No, no, no.
It just occurred to me.

1221
01:00:23,087 --> 01:00:24,152
I never checked out
your butt

1222
01:00:24,154 --> 01:00:25,187
to see if it has
the scar--

1223
01:00:25,189 --> 01:00:25,187
no, I don't have
a scar.

1224
01:00:25,189 --> 01:00:27,322
Come on,
let me see it.
No, no.

1225
01:00:27,324 --> 01:00:28,890
It's not a big deal.

1226
01:00:28,892 --> 01:00:31,093
Just stop it.

1227
01:00:46,676 --> 01:00:48,043
Don't worry, Annie.

1228
01:00:48,045 --> 01:00:50,045
No one needs to look
at your behind.

1229
01:00:50,047 --> 01:00:54,282
You can just let big,
strong, handsome guy
like me

1230
01:00:54,284 --> 01:00:56,318
get in touch with
miss sweet cheeks.

1231
01:00:56,320 --> 01:00:56,318
That's not fair.

1232
01:00:56,320 --> 01:00:59,721
Mr. hand gets to
have all the fun.

1233
01:00:59,723 --> 01:01:02,824
That's not true,
se�or chin.

1234
01:01:02,826 --> 01:01:05,327
Johnny one-eye gets
to have all the fun.

1235
01:01:05,329 --> 01:01:06,762
Correction,
sir belly.

1236
01:01:06,764 --> 01:01:08,230
Johnny one-eye
is locked up tight.

1237
01:01:08,232 --> 01:01:10,232
He never gets to see
the light of day.

1238
01:01:10,234 --> 01:01:12,801
You can't keep me
in here forever.

1239
01:01:12,803 --> 01:01:14,269
I will rise again.

1240
01:01:14,271 --> 01:01:15,837
Oh, Johnny.

1241
01:01:15,839 --> 01:01:17,339
I hate it
when we're apart.

1242
01:01:17,341 --> 01:01:20,742
You are the Shakespeare
of body part theater.

1243
01:01:20,744 --> 01:01:22,811
Well...

1244
01:01:24,380 --> 01:01:26,348
If this is
the theater,

1245
01:01:26,350 --> 01:01:29,251
then I think
you're missing something.

1246
01:01:29,253 --> 01:01:34,322
A woman so beautiful...

1247
01:01:34,324 --> 01:01:38,994
Needs a diamond necklace
when she goes to a show.

1248
01:01:39,896 --> 01:01:42,097
Hmm.

1249
01:01:42,265 --> 01:01:43,398
You like that?
Hmm.

1250
01:01:43,400 --> 01:01:45,267
Well, if you were
my date,

1251
01:01:45,269 --> 01:01:49,438
then you are
a little bit
underdressed,

1252
01:01:49,440 --> 01:01:51,306
I think.

1253
01:02:38,055 --> 01:02:40,889
Ooh, please,
give me a kiss.

1254
01:02:46,463 --> 01:02:49,097
No, no! A real kiss!

1255
01:02:58,208 --> 01:03:01,843
Please give me
a real kiss.

1256
01:03:02,145 --> 01:03:03,812
Whoo-hoo!

1257
01:03:07,951 --> 01:03:10,218
How 'bout one
with some tongue?

1258
01:03:10,220 --> 01:03:10,218
Nghh-nghh!

1259
01:03:19,830 --> 01:03:19,828
Ohh!

1260
01:03:23,000 --> 01:03:25,901
You!

1261
01:03:28,538 --> 01:03:30,238
Sam: Hey, Annie.

1262
01:03:30,240 --> 01:03:32,240
Hey, Sam I am.

1263
01:03:32,242 --> 01:03:34,943
Does this building
have a storage place?

1264
01:03:34,945 --> 01:03:34,943
Yeah, and a basement.
Why?

1265
01:03:34,945 --> 01:03:39,548
Mmm, I thought maybe
hope had stored
something down there.

1266
01:03:39,550 --> 01:03:43,285
Maybe we can find
something out.

1267
01:03:46,889 --> 01:03:48,290
What?

1268
01:03:48,292 --> 01:03:49,891
Um, nothing.

1269
01:03:49,893 --> 01:03:49,891
I just...

1270
01:03:49,893 --> 01:03:53,862
Kind of figured
we were together.

1271
01:03:53,864 --> 01:03:55,297
We are together.

1272
01:03:55,299 --> 01:03:57,265
Look, I'm so happy
right now.

1273
01:03:57,267 --> 01:03:59,301
Then why are you still
trying to find out

1274
01:03:59,303 --> 01:04:01,303
what's wrong with hope?

1275
01:04:01,305 --> 01:04:03,205
Because
she's my friend.

1276
01:04:03,207 --> 01:04:05,140
Don't go down there.

1277
01:04:05,142 --> 01:04:07,309
Hey, look...

1278
01:04:07,311 --> 01:04:09,211
Nothing's wrong, ok?

1279
01:04:09,213 --> 01:04:11,413
It's ok.

1280
01:04:11,415 --> 01:04:13,481
Please, Sam?

1281
01:04:15,117 --> 01:04:17,319
Why?
Are you jealous?

1282
01:04:17,321 --> 01:04:20,355
Uh...I don't know.

1283
01:04:20,556 --> 01:04:22,023
I'm new at this.
I told you,

1284
01:04:22,025 --> 01:04:25,293
it's the first time
I've had a real boyfriend.

1285
01:04:26,562 --> 01:04:29,130
Just makes me
feel funny.

1286
01:04:29,132 --> 01:04:31,066
It's ok.

1287
01:04:31,200 --> 01:04:33,001
Just do one thing
for me--

1288
01:04:33,003 --> 01:04:33,001
what?

1289
01:04:33,003 --> 01:04:37,105
Just stop trying
to help hope.

1290
01:04:38,941 --> 01:04:40,642
No, I can't.
I'm sorry.

1291
01:04:40,644 --> 01:04:45,380
She's my friend.
I'm not going to
abandon her.

1292
01:06:31,053 --> 01:06:32,020
Hah!

1293
01:06:32,022 --> 01:06:33,188
Hyuh!

1294
01:06:33,190 --> 01:06:34,289
Hyah!

1295
01:06:34,291 --> 01:06:36,291
Hyah!

1296
01:06:36,293 --> 01:06:38,727
Hyah!

1297
01:06:38,729 --> 01:06:40,495
Huh? That's right,
motherfucker!

1298
01:06:40,497 --> 01:06:42,230
That's right!

1299
01:06:51,607 --> 01:06:53,241
Oof!

1300
01:07:36,685 --> 01:07:39,354
Aaah!

1301
01:08:01,744 --> 01:08:03,178
There's the peeping tom!

1302
01:08:03,180 --> 01:08:06,281
He's in the wall!
He's in the wall!

1303
01:08:09,852 --> 01:08:11,453
He's in the wall,
girls! Help me!

1304
01:08:19,261 --> 01:08:20,295
Aah!

1305
01:08:20,297 --> 01:08:22,730
Get him, girls! Get him!

1306
01:08:29,405 --> 01:08:31,306
Aaaah!

1307
01:08:34,143 --> 01:08:37,312
Aaaah!

1308
01:08:37,613 --> 01:08:40,215
Ow!

1309
01:08:47,389 --> 01:08:50,725
Are you ok?

1310
01:08:55,798 --> 01:08:57,699
Annie.

1311
01:08:57,701 --> 01:08:59,400
Annie, come on,
open the door, please.

1312
01:08:59,402 --> 01:09:01,236
I don't want to
see you anymore.

1313
01:09:01,238 --> 01:09:02,370
You made
your choice.

1314
01:09:02,372 --> 01:09:04,372
Come on, please, Annie.
Open the door.

1315
01:09:04,374 --> 01:09:05,840
Go away.

1316
01:09:15,651 --> 01:09:18,453
I should have figured
it was you.

1317
01:09:18,455 --> 01:09:19,821
Hold him still.

1318
01:09:19,823 --> 01:09:22,690
Wait! I can explain!

1319
01:09:50,853 --> 01:09:55,356
How's that portable
pocket pussy going?

1320
01:09:55,958 --> 01:09:57,892
That's not what it is.

1321
01:09:57,894 --> 01:09:59,360
Yeah, sure it is.

1322
01:09:59,362 --> 01:10:00,261
Look at that thing.

1323
01:10:00,263 --> 01:10:02,297
Get a little
nickname for it.

1324
01:10:02,299 --> 01:10:03,364
Call it sucky sue.

1325
01:10:03,366 --> 01:10:03,364
I know you
just can't wait

1326
01:10:03,366 --> 01:10:06,935
to get your tongue
in there
and lube it up.

1327
01:10:08,938 --> 01:10:11,873
Shut up!
It's my turn to talk.

1328
01:10:12,776 --> 01:10:14,342
This device
is for my--

1329
01:10:14,344 --> 01:10:15,510
important problem.

1330
01:10:15,512 --> 01:10:15,510
I can't even say the word,

1331
01:10:15,512 --> 01:10:19,280
but, uh, let's just say
that that's how it's spelled,

1332
01:10:19,282 --> 01:10:19,280
like important.

1333
01:10:19,282 --> 01:10:22,317
You know how drug addicts
do so many drugs

1334
01:10:22,319 --> 01:10:23,551
they can't get high anymore?

1335
01:10:23,553 --> 01:10:24,852
Well, that's what
happened to me, man.

1336
01:10:24,854 --> 01:10:26,387
I have overdosed
on hardcore,

1337
01:10:26,389 --> 01:10:26,387
and now I can't
get a hard-on.

1338
01:10:26,389 --> 01:10:30,558
Sam: While Holden
was telling me about
his important problem,

1339
01:10:30,560 --> 01:10:32,293
that's when I heard it.

1340
01:10:32,295 --> 01:10:34,796
Announcer, on radio:
What was Humphrey bogart's
character's name

1341
01:10:34,798 --> 01:10:36,864
in the classic film
<i> Casablanca?</i>

1342
01:10:36,866 --> 01:10:38,933
Woman, on radio:
Richard Blaine.

1343
01:10:38,935 --> 01:10:40,301
Announcer:
Richard Blaine.

1344
01:10:40,303 --> 01:10:42,470
That was the name
of the character.

1345
01:10:42,472 --> 01:10:43,838
What? Oh. Here,
I'll shut it off.

1346
01:10:43,840 --> 01:10:45,873
Announcer:
You're the winner
of $500, Dan.

1347
01:10:45,875 --> 01:10:49,377
Congratulations.
Tune in tomorrow...

1348
01:10:49,379 --> 01:10:51,546
Shouldn't have
got that used.

1349
01:10:52,514 --> 01:10:53,615
Sam: Richard Blaine,

1350
01:10:53,617 --> 01:10:55,583
as in
"play it again, Sam."

1351
01:10:55,585 --> 01:10:57,852
Might as well have been,
"you've been played, Sam."

1352
01:10:57,854 --> 01:11:00,888
But I wasn't gonna be
played any longer.

1353
01:11:00,890 --> 01:11:01,956
I now had a hunch.

1354
01:11:01,958 --> 01:11:04,892
I just needed to test it.

1355
01:11:05,961 --> 01:11:09,564
Mr. willens,
please let me by
this one last time.

1356
01:11:09,566 --> 01:11:11,299
You take one more
step forward,

1357
01:11:11,301 --> 01:11:14,569
you're gonna find
yourself in chunks

1358
01:11:14,571 --> 01:11:15,870
in my stool.

1359
01:11:15,872 --> 01:11:19,707
And no one's gonna care.

1360
01:11:25,881 --> 01:11:28,516
Unh! Ohh!

1361
01:11:29,918 --> 01:11:29,917
Heh heh heh.

1362
01:11:29,919 --> 01:11:32,520
I'm just protecting
the girls

1363
01:11:32,522 --> 01:11:32,520
from the likes of you.

1364
01:11:32,522 --> 01:11:35,757
You're the one they
need protection from.

1365
01:11:35,759 --> 01:11:38,493
Yeah?
Who's gonna believe you?

1366
01:11:38,495 --> 01:11:39,994
They will,
when they find out

1367
01:11:39,996 --> 01:11:42,463
that you're
the grossest man alive.

1368
01:11:42,465 --> 01:11:43,965
The second
grossest.

1369
01:11:43,967 --> 01:11:45,667
Let my friend go.

1370
01:11:45,669 --> 01:11:48,870
How are you gonna
make me do that?

1371
01:11:56,079 --> 01:11:57,378
Aaah!

1372
01:11:57,380 --> 01:12:00,715
Aaah! Aaah!

1373
01:12:07,890 --> 01:12:09,991
Ha-chee-mama!

1374
01:12:14,997 --> 01:12:16,497
Ohh!

1375
01:12:16,499 --> 01:12:18,333
Ooh!

1376
01:12:20,503 --> 01:12:21,769
Come on, girls!

1377
01:12:22,906 --> 01:12:25,640
Willens: That's all you've got?

1378
01:12:25,808 --> 01:12:28,543
Ohh! Oh!

1379
01:12:36,785 --> 01:12:38,953
Hello, ladies.

1380
01:12:41,790 --> 01:12:43,458
So that's my story.

1381
01:12:43,460 --> 01:12:46,427
And I can tell
by the looks
on your faces

1382
01:12:46,429 --> 01:12:47,595
there's gonna be
only one way

1383
01:12:47,597 --> 01:12:50,064
I'll convince you
to let me go.

1384
01:12:50,066 --> 01:12:53,935
Will you let me
show you?

1385
01:13:06,415 --> 01:13:07,949
See, this is
irrefutable proof

1386
01:13:07,951 --> 01:13:09,384
that men are gross.

1387
01:13:09,386 --> 01:13:10,551
Wait, I should be
more precise--

1388
01:13:10,553 --> 01:13:14,922
men without women
are absolutely gross.

1389
01:13:22,399 --> 01:13:25,633
Aaaaah!

1390
01:13:29,838 --> 01:13:32,140
Heh heh heh heh!

1391
01:13:34,510 --> 01:13:36,844
Heh heh heh heh!

1392
01:13:39,615 --> 01:13:44,919
Rrrraaaaaah!

1393
01:14:00,869 --> 01:14:04,005
Whoo! Whoo!

1394
01:14:07,576 --> 01:14:09,143
I did all of this,

1395
01:14:09,145 --> 01:14:11,846
everything, for a woman.

1396
01:14:12,748 --> 01:14:14,949
Men need you.

1397
01:14:15,551 --> 01:14:19,220
Men need women
to save us
from ourselves.

1398
01:14:20,055 --> 01:14:22,690
All right.
Let him go.

1399
01:14:25,594 --> 01:14:28,496
Willens: Aaah!

1400
01:14:28,498 --> 01:14:29,864
Aaaaah!

1401
01:14:33,235 --> 01:14:36,037
I brought you down,
you circus freak!

1402
01:14:36,039 --> 01:14:37,772
Whoo!

1403
01:14:37,774 --> 01:14:40,174
So you're the one
who paged me, huh?

1404
01:14:40,176 --> 01:14:42,643
Um...How did you
find out?

1405
01:14:42,645 --> 01:14:45,913
Sam. He told me you guys
had a falling out over it.

1406
01:14:45,915 --> 01:14:47,682
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.

1407
01:14:47,684 --> 01:14:48,916
Well, he was right.

1408
01:14:48,918 --> 01:14:50,184
Men are gross.

1409
01:14:50,186 --> 01:14:51,886
And I am
the perfect example.

1410
01:14:51,888 --> 01:14:53,721
Yeah, well, he forgot
to mention one thing--

1411
01:14:53,723 --> 01:14:56,524
that men can also
be heroic.

1412
01:14:56,526 --> 01:14:58,726
I think that's
a pretty noble thing
that you did,

1413
01:14:58,728 --> 01:15:00,194
coming to his rescue.

1414
01:15:00,196 --> 01:15:00,194
Why'd you do it?

1415
01:15:00,196 --> 01:15:03,531
Uh, I didn't--
i didn't want him

1416
01:15:03,533 --> 01:15:05,700
to end up like me.

1417
01:15:14,209 --> 01:15:15,543
Hey.

1418
01:15:15,545 --> 01:15:15,543
Hi. I just--

1419
01:15:15,545 --> 01:15:18,112
I wanted to make sure
after the other night

1420
01:15:18,114 --> 01:15:21,282
that we're still good.
We're still friends?

1421
01:15:21,284 --> 01:15:23,518
Of course.

1422
01:15:45,240 --> 01:15:47,542
How did you know?

1423
01:15:47,544 --> 01:15:51,178
All the clues,
they were red herrings.

1424
01:15:51,780 --> 01:15:53,714
What's going on?

1425
01:15:53,716 --> 01:15:56,651
Please don't be mad.

1426
01:15:58,820 --> 01:16:00,721
I don't even know
where to start.

1427
01:16:00,723 --> 01:16:03,624
Well, why don't you start
by telling me

1428
01:16:03,626 --> 01:16:06,561
if you've really been sad
for all these months.

1429
01:16:06,563 --> 01:16:07,795
Yes.

1430
01:16:07,797 --> 01:16:11,332
The whole time.
Will you please sit?

1431
01:16:12,701 --> 01:16:15,770
I lost someone
really close to me.

1432
01:16:15,772 --> 01:16:17,605
Jesse.
He was my best friend

1433
01:16:17,607 --> 01:16:21,809
in the whole world
ever since I can
remember.

1434
01:16:24,680 --> 01:16:28,950
You kind of need
some hair up there.

1435
01:16:31,154 --> 01:16:34,855
6 months ago,
everything changed.

1436
01:16:40,095 --> 01:16:42,196
Jesse!

1437
01:16:42,764 --> 01:16:43,598
What?

1438
01:16:43,600 --> 01:16:44,765
What are you doing?

1439
01:16:44,767 --> 01:16:44,765
What am i--

1440
01:16:44,767 --> 01:16:48,002
I'm just tired
of being friends, hope.

1441
01:16:48,004 --> 01:16:50,671
You know?

1442
01:16:50,673 --> 01:16:52,840
I want to be
your boyfriend.

1443
01:16:52,842 --> 01:16:54,809
All right? I mean,
haven't you ever...

1444
01:16:54,811 --> 01:16:57,378
Haven't you ever
thought of me
that way before?

1445
01:16:57,380 --> 01:16:59,847
Uh...Not really.

1446
01:16:59,849 --> 01:17:03,684
I mean, you've always
been a true friend.

1447
01:17:03,686 --> 01:17:06,087
You know? Someone
that I can trust,

1448
01:17:06,089 --> 01:17:07,388
like a brother.

1449
01:17:07,390 --> 01:17:10,257
You know, you've
always been this guy

1450
01:17:10,259 --> 01:17:13,761
that has never failed
to make me smile.

1451
01:17:13,763 --> 01:17:15,329
Uh...

1452
01:17:15,331 --> 01:17:18,099
That's all nice,
you know,

1453
01:17:18,101 --> 01:17:21,769
but I want
more than this, ok?

1454
01:17:21,771 --> 01:17:24,338
If I wanted a friend,
I'd go hang out
with the guys.

1455
01:17:24,340 --> 01:17:27,708
Men don't want
female friends.

1456
01:17:27,710 --> 01:17:30,211
All men want
are girlfriends.

1457
01:17:30,213 --> 01:17:31,946
So why don't we just...

1458
01:17:31,948 --> 01:17:31,946
Why don't we just kiss

1459
01:17:31,948 --> 01:17:35,416
and see if
there's any sparks
between us, ok?

1460
01:17:35,418 --> 01:17:36,951
Jesse...

1461
01:17:36,953 --> 01:17:39,153
Jesse, please, don't!

1462
01:17:39,155 --> 01:17:39,153
I don't get this.

1463
01:17:39,155 --> 01:17:41,956
Last week I see you
make out with some guy
in the rain

1464
01:17:41,958 --> 01:17:43,691
after knowing him
for an hour,

1465
01:17:43,693 --> 01:17:44,792
but you won't kiss me?

1466
01:17:44,794 --> 01:17:47,094
Hope, I've known you
all my life.

1467
01:17:47,096 --> 01:17:48,929
Let's just kiss
and see how it feels.

1468
01:17:48,931 --> 01:17:50,431
All right?
Let's just kiss.

1469
01:17:50,433 --> 01:17:51,332
Jesse, no!

1470
01:17:51,334 --> 01:17:52,700
Just--just give me--

1471
01:17:52,702 --> 01:17:53,934
please! Stop!

1472
01:17:53,936 --> 01:17:55,803
Oh, my god!
Get off!

1473
01:17:59,075 --> 01:18:00,875
You owe me this,
hope, ok?

1474
01:18:00,877 --> 01:18:02,243
Just give me
a rotten kiss.

1475
01:18:02,245 --> 01:18:03,878
Get off! Stop it!

1476
01:18:03,880 --> 01:18:06,380
Just shut up!
Give me a kiss!

1477
01:18:06,382 --> 01:18:09,183
Stop it! Get off!

1478
01:18:09,185 --> 01:18:11,385
Get off me!

1479
01:18:12,120 --> 01:18:13,954
Ow!

1480
01:18:13,956 --> 01:18:13,954
Hope: That's when
i came to believe

1481
01:18:13,956 --> 01:18:17,191
that I could never
trust a man's friendship

1482
01:18:17,193 --> 01:18:19,226
because a man
was only doing it

1483
01:18:19,228 --> 01:18:19,226
because he wanted more.

1484
01:18:19,228 --> 01:18:22,730
And if I couldn't trust
a man as a friend,

1485
01:18:22,732 --> 01:18:25,199
how could I ever trust
a man as a lover?

1486
01:18:25,201 --> 01:18:27,902
Then I met you again.

1487
01:18:27,904 --> 01:18:29,870
Hope!

1488
01:18:29,872 --> 01:18:29,870
Hello, Sam.

1489
01:18:29,872 --> 01:18:32,006
Hope: I told Annie
about everything

1490
01:18:32,008 --> 01:18:35,843
'cause she and i
had become really close.

1491
01:18:35,845 --> 01:18:35,843
He's at it again.

1492
01:18:35,845 --> 01:18:40,347
If Sam could prove
that he was your true friend,

1493
01:18:40,349 --> 01:18:42,183
would you let him
be your true love?

1494
01:18:42,185 --> 01:18:45,853
And what is Santa claus
bringing you
for Christmas?

1495
01:18:45,855 --> 01:18:45,853
Annie.

1496
01:18:45,855 --> 01:18:51,092
Couldn't hurt to see
how far he'll go.

1497
01:18:51,094 --> 01:18:51,092
Ever since I met you,

1498
01:18:51,094 --> 01:18:55,096
I wanted to take you
to dinner and the movies.

1499
01:18:55,098 --> 01:18:56,363
He's out there.

1500
01:18:56,365 --> 01:18:56,363
What do I do?

1501
01:18:56,365 --> 01:19:01,235
He just wants to know
why you're so sad.

1502
01:19:02,971 --> 01:19:05,773
Let's give him
some clues.

1503
01:19:05,907 --> 01:19:08,242
An album cover?
That's not a clue.

1504
01:19:08,244 --> 01:19:10,077
But Sam
doesn't know that.

1505
01:19:10,079 --> 01:19:11,278
We should just stop, ok?

1506
01:19:11,280 --> 01:19:12,947
I'm gonna be
even more depressed

1507
01:19:12,949 --> 01:19:15,182
when Sam turns out
to be just like Jesse.

1508
01:19:15,184 --> 01:19:18,052
We can't.
We're in too deep.

1509
01:19:20,757 --> 01:19:24,058
Oh, here he comes.
Here he comes.

1510
01:19:24,793 --> 01:19:26,794
I cried my eyes out.

1511
01:19:26,796 --> 01:19:30,197
Oh, and then write
that Richard Blaine

1512
01:19:30,199 --> 01:19:33,100
knows nothing
about love.

1513
01:19:34,002 --> 01:19:37,204
Finally, something
presented itself.

1514
01:19:37,339 --> 01:19:39,473
I think Sam likes me.

1515
01:19:44,246 --> 01:19:47,114
Just do one thing
for me.

1516
01:19:47,449 --> 01:19:49,850
Stop trying to help hope.

1517
01:19:49,852 --> 01:19:52,953
Hope: I didn't plan
for this final test.

1518
01:19:52,955 --> 01:19:54,355
No.

1519
01:19:54,357 --> 01:19:55,823
She's my friend.

1520
01:19:55,825 --> 01:19:57,525
I can't
abandon her.

1521
01:19:57,527 --> 01:19:59,293
But it all seemed
worth it.

1522
01:19:59,295 --> 01:20:00,828
You still wanted
to be my friend,

1523
01:20:00,830 --> 01:20:02,263
even after
you had a girlfriend,

1524
01:20:02,265 --> 01:20:04,565
and at the risk
of losing a girlfriend.

1525
01:20:04,567 --> 01:20:08,369
And that's
when I had proof
that you were for real.

1526
01:20:08,371 --> 01:20:10,838
You were a true friend.

1527
01:20:10,840 --> 01:20:15,843
And now I've
fallen completely
in love with you.

1528
01:20:15,845 --> 01:20:17,545
Then why aren't you
smiling now?

1529
01:20:17,547 --> 01:20:20,548
Because you're
not smiling.

1530
01:20:20,550 --> 01:20:22,483
What do you expect?

1531
01:20:22,485 --> 01:20:22,483
I knew I was weird,

1532
01:20:22,485 --> 01:20:26,153
but I didn't know
i was stupid.

1533
01:20:26,155 --> 01:20:28,422
Sam, you're
not stupid, ok?

1534
01:20:28,424 --> 01:20:30,491
And what you think
is weird,

1535
01:20:30,493 --> 01:20:32,593
I find charming.

1536
01:20:32,595 --> 01:20:36,363
And what you call
accidentally funny,

1537
01:20:36,365 --> 01:20:38,232
I call plain funny.

1538
01:20:38,234 --> 01:20:41,268
It's the way
to a woman's heart, Sam,

1539
01:20:41,270 --> 01:20:43,103
by making her smile.

1540
01:20:43,105 --> 01:20:47,007
And you've
made me smile.

1541
01:20:47,609 --> 01:20:49,543
Yeah, but all of this,

1542
01:20:49,545 --> 01:20:53,247
none of it's real.

1543
01:20:53,249 --> 01:20:55,583
This is real.

1544
01:21:23,144 --> 01:21:25,913
Carl,<i> schnell! Schnell!</i>

1545
01:21:25,915 --> 01:21:26,914
It hurts!

1546
01:21:26,916 --> 01:21:29,149
God! Hurry up,
you idiot!

1547
01:21:29,151 --> 01:21:29,149
What's wrong with you?

1548
01:21:29,151 --> 01:21:32,486
These painkiller's suck!
You suck!

1549
01:21:32,488 --> 01:21:33,254
Aah!

1550
01:21:33,256 --> 01:21:37,157
Ohh,<i> dumbkopf!</i>

1551
01:21:39,195 --> 01:21:41,395
Where'd everything go?

1552
01:21:42,030 --> 01:21:43,530
Dumpster.

1553
01:21:44,266 --> 01:21:48,068
That willens guy
gave me the willies.

1554
01:21:48,503 --> 01:21:51,205
That could
have been me in a year.

1555
01:21:51,207 --> 01:21:54,008
Months maybe.

1556
01:21:55,210 --> 01:21:57,978
Yeah.
I know the feeling.

1557
01:21:57,980 --> 01:22:02,383
Aren't you gonna need
some of this stuff?

1558
01:22:03,285 --> 01:22:05,486
Not since Tanya and i
hooked up.

1559
01:22:05,488 --> 01:22:06,487
All right.

1560
01:22:06,489 --> 01:22:09,156
I'm happy for you,
my friend.

1561
01:22:22,504 --> 01:22:23,437
Sam?

1562
01:22:23,439 --> 01:22:25,973
Check this out.

1563
01:22:31,646 --> 01:22:34,682
Come on!
That's funny.

1564
01:22:34,684 --> 01:22:38,118
Mm! Talk to me.

1565
01:22:38,120 --> 01:22:39,653
What?

1566
01:22:39,655 --> 01:22:41,188
I'm not blind.

1567
01:22:41,190 --> 01:22:43,958
Something's wrong
if the cartoon
on my ass

1568
01:22:43,960 --> 01:22:45,559
isn't making you smile.

1569
01:22:45,561 --> 01:22:48,228
No, I'm ok.

1570
01:22:50,398 --> 01:22:54,401
You've got a problem.

1571
01:22:57,439 --> 01:22:57,438
You love me,

1572
01:22:57,440 --> 01:23:01,542
but you think you might
also love Annie.

1573
01:23:01,544 --> 01:23:03,711
No, I don't.

1574
01:23:03,713 --> 01:23:05,612
Well, she loves you.

1575
01:23:05,614 --> 01:23:10,384
I mean,
she didn't plan it,
but it happened.

1576
01:23:11,353 --> 01:23:14,154
And I know you care
for her, too.

1577
01:23:14,156 --> 01:23:16,490
And I love you, Sam,

1578
01:23:16,492 --> 01:23:19,293
and I want you so bad,

1579
01:23:19,295 --> 01:23:26,567
and there's
a million smiles ahead
for us to share.

1580
01:23:26,569 --> 01:23:30,170
And I could make you
love me more.

1581
01:23:30,438 --> 01:23:38,312
But it's time for me
to be a friend to you.

1582
01:23:40,448 --> 01:23:43,384
What are you
talking about?

1583
01:23:46,721 --> 01:23:48,455
I'm not letting you go,

1584
01:23:48,457 --> 01:23:52,292
but I'm
setting you free.

1585
01:23:52,761 --> 01:23:56,463
You have to decide
for yourself.

1586
01:24:38,374 --> 01:24:42,309
Annie, look,
i need to talk to you.

1587
01:24:42,311 --> 01:24:44,445
What do you want?

1588
01:24:44,447 --> 01:24:44,445
You know what is worse

1589
01:24:44,447 --> 01:24:48,215
than not being able
to find someone's smile?

1590
01:24:48,217 --> 01:24:49,483
No.

1591
01:24:49,485 --> 01:24:51,418
Making someone lose theirs.

1592
01:24:51,420 --> 01:24:53,821
I want to help you
get yours back.

1593
01:24:53,823 --> 01:24:55,489
I'll find it myself.

1594
01:24:55,491 --> 01:24:56,490
Think it's
at the bottom

1595
01:24:56,492 --> 01:24:58,692
of this chocolate
chocolate chip.

1596
01:24:58,694 --> 01:25:00,828
Look, Annie,
i love you.

1597
01:25:00,830 --> 01:25:04,164
That's kind of hard
for me to believe,

1598
01:25:04,166 --> 01:25:06,400
considering everything
you've done for her.

1599
01:25:06,402 --> 01:25:06,400
Look, it's true.

1600
01:25:06,402 --> 01:25:06,400
You remember
all those drawings
i did the other night

1601
01:25:06,402 --> 01:25:10,471
when I was camped
outside of hope's door?

1602
01:25:10,473 --> 01:25:12,406
They weren't of her.
They were of you.

1603
01:25:12,408 --> 01:25:13,507
They're all of you.

1604
01:25:13,509 --> 01:25:15,275
I mean, that means
something, right?

1605
01:25:15,277 --> 01:25:16,643
You're confused.

1606
01:25:16,645 --> 01:25:16,643
You've hurt
gargantu-Ann,

1607
01:25:16,645 --> 01:25:20,848
the girl who's fat,
but has a great
personality.

1608
01:25:20,850 --> 01:25:22,850
Now you feel guilty.

1609
01:25:22,852 --> 01:25:24,518
You think you care
about me,

1610
01:25:24,520 --> 01:25:27,254
but it's just pity.

1611
01:25:28,256 --> 01:25:29,289
Good-bye, Sam.

1612
01:25:29,291 --> 01:25:29,289
No, Annie, don't.

1613
01:25:29,291 --> 01:25:33,293
I'm not leaving here
until you look at these.

1614
01:25:33,295 --> 01:25:34,394
Annie, please!

1615
01:25:55,618 --> 01:25:58,152
Hey!
What's in the case?

1616
01:25:58,154 --> 01:26:00,320
Got any dirty pictures
in here?

1617
01:26:00,322 --> 01:26:00,320
Give it back.

1618
01:26:00,322 --> 01:26:04,191
Hey, you know,
the cops came by

1619
01:26:04,193 --> 01:26:04,191
and talked to me
the other day.

1620
01:26:04,193 --> 01:26:07,561
Now I gotta
take this cab
down to the station

1621
01:26:07,563 --> 01:26:08,829
and answer
some more questions.

1622
01:26:08,831 --> 01:26:10,597
Those drawings
are irreplaceable.

1623
01:26:10,599 --> 01:26:12,733
Will you just please
give them back?

1624
01:26:12,735 --> 01:26:16,470
Hey! These are all
the same girl.

1625
01:26:16,472 --> 01:26:18,705
That bitch Annie.

1626
01:26:18,707 --> 01:26:19,907
Give it back.

1627
01:26:19,909 --> 01:26:19,907
Why should I?

1628
01:26:19,909 --> 01:26:22,876
Look, if you do,
i won't tell the cops

1629
01:26:22,878 --> 01:26:24,945
that you were
in those passageways.

1630
01:26:24,947 --> 01:26:27,314
I need those drawings

1631
01:26:27,316 --> 01:26:29,383
to show Annie how much
i care for her.

1632
01:26:29,385 --> 01:26:31,952
If I lose the drawings,
I'm gonna lose Annie.

1633
01:26:31,954 --> 01:26:34,221
Now give them back!

1634
01:26:34,223 --> 01:26:38,392
You know, I may be
the pervert the cops
are looking for,

1635
01:26:38,394 --> 01:26:41,328
but I'm not
goin' down for it.

1636
01:26:41,330 --> 01:26:41,328
Uh-uh.

1637
01:26:41,330 --> 01:26:44,598
No, I think
I'm gonna keep these.

1638
01:26:44,600 --> 01:26:47,801
See, I think
the cops may be
curious about these,

1639
01:26:47,803 --> 01:26:48,936
all the same girl?

1640
01:26:48,938 --> 01:26:51,838
Looks to me like
you got an obsession.

1641
01:26:51,840 --> 01:26:53,507
I think the cops
are gonna perk up

1642
01:26:53,509 --> 01:26:56,276
when I tell them you've
been stalkin' her.

1643
01:26:56,278 --> 01:26:58,812
See you in court,
sport.

1644
01:27:01,216 --> 01:27:06,420
Aah! Aah!

1645
01:27:06,422 --> 01:27:07,921
Aah! Aah!

1646
01:27:07,923 --> 01:27:10,524
Aah! Aah!

1647
01:27:11,693 --> 01:27:12,526
No!

1648
01:27:12,528 --> 01:27:13,760
Let him go, willens!

1649
01:27:13,762 --> 01:27:16,296
Undercover detective.
You're under arrest.

1650
01:27:16,298 --> 01:27:18,498
What? I didn't do
nothin'.

1651
01:27:18,500 --> 01:27:18,498
Oh, yeah!

1652
01:27:18,500 --> 01:27:20,968
I wasn't on my knees
praying all those times.

1653
01:27:20,970 --> 01:27:24,671
I was on my knees planting
listening devices.

1654
01:27:24,673 --> 01:27:26,006
We know all about you.

1655
01:27:26,008 --> 01:27:28,275
Get in.

1656
01:27:28,277 --> 01:27:31,478
11th precinct, please.

1657
01:27:53,901 --> 01:27:57,838
I think somebody's
lost their smile.

1658
01:28:00,876 --> 01:28:02,909
Woman:
I got it!

1659
01:28:05,813 --> 01:28:08,982
Come on, girls!
We can't lose
one single paper!

1660
01:28:08,984 --> 01:28:11,285
Go, go, go!

1661
01:28:28,336 --> 01:28:29,536
Here you go, Sam.

1662
01:28:29,538 --> 01:28:31,305
Thank you.

1663
01:28:31,307 --> 01:28:32,005
Here you go, Sam.

1664
01:28:32,007 --> 01:28:33,507
Here!
Way to go, Sam.

1665
01:28:33,509 --> 01:28:35,942
Found this.
I got a stack.

1666
01:28:35,944 --> 01:28:38,412
Here's one!
Good luck.

1667
01:28:43,985 --> 01:28:45,552
Annie!

1668
01:28:45,554 --> 01:28:48,488
Annie,
come to the window!

1669
01:28:48,490 --> 01:28:50,357
Please!

1670
01:28:50,359 --> 01:28:52,359
Annie! Come on!

1671
01:28:52,361 --> 01:28:54,461
Come to the window!

1672
01:28:54,463 --> 01:28:57,531
Please, Annie!

1673
01:29:09,711 --> 01:29:10,644
Women: Aww!

1674
01:29:13,981 --> 01:29:15,649
Annie, look at it!

1675
01:29:15,651 --> 01:29:18,785
Come on, please!
Really look at it!

1676
01:29:30,032 --> 01:29:33,867
Annie,
are you crazy?

1677
01:29:33,869 --> 01:29:36,803
Can't you see how much
Sam cares about you?

1678
01:29:52,754 --> 01:29:54,554
Annie, I love you!

1679
01:29:54,556 --> 01:29:55,522
This is the only way

1680
01:29:55,524 --> 01:29:59,126
I can get you to see
how I feel.

1681
01:30:59,621 --> 01:31:01,888