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Improved by: www.facebook.com/EnglishLOLChannel
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- Hello?
- So what do you think?
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- About what?
- About tomorrow.
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It's our first day of high school.
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If we want to be popular,
we just have to be proactive.
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Calm your proactive ass down.
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Saying you want to be popular
guarantees it isn't gonna happen.
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I'm gonna get a girlfriend.
You think that's possible?
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Anything's possible, Wade.
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Just don't be needy.
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You got to let it come to you.
And one more thing.
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From now on,
I don't want you calling me Ryan.
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Call me T-Dog.
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- T-Dog?
- Yep.
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- What does the "T" stand for?
- I don't know.
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- But it sounds better than R-Dog.
- Yeah.
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You know, like, if a hot girl
went up to you, and she goes,
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"Hey, have you met T-Dog?
Man, did you see what T-Dog did today?
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"Man, that T-Dog is crazy!"
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That sounds like a guy
every woman would want to know.
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- Hey, do I need a nickname?
- You have one. Skeletor.
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That was last year.
I look good now. I'm filling out.
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All right, name one part of your body
that filled out, Wade.
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Name one part of your body
that isn't filled out, huh?
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I'm not trying to offend you.
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I'm just saying you shot up too fast
and you're freakishly skinny.
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Oh, yeah? Well, you're too fat
and that's equally unattractive.
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- You wanna go there?
- I'm sorry.
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It's just, I want things to go well,
you know?
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- Sorry I said you're freakishly skinny.
- It's okay.
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You just are.
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Hey, go to sleep!
It's 3:00 in the morning!
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- What are you, crazy?
- Sorry.
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- Is that your stepdad?
- No one.
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- Give me that phone! Give it!
- It's...
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You're in high school now.
Don't take his...
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Go to sleep.
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How about some
chicks on the walls in here?
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It's like a nerd paradise.
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Time to make the donuts.
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Hoo-rah!
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Touchdown!
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We won! We won the game!
And Wade loses again!
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- Get out of my room!
- Dad said get up.
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He's not my dad. He's your dad.
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Fine, the guy who does your mom
says get up.
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- Just leave!
- Loser!
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Morning, sunshine. First day of school.
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- Mom!
- Oh, my God!
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Since when did you start
sleeping naked?
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I'm in high school now,
don't you remember?
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I don't like elastic squeezing
on my ass when I sleep!
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Okay.
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Hey! What are you doing
in this shower?
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Dawn? Rachel, that's right.
Nice to see you.
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Put your hands up
Put your hands up
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I'm the best white rapper
you've ever seen
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A hair!
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- Oh, my God!
- Look at that.
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Thank you, ladies!
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What's up, winners? You stoked?
Pedal to the metal?
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- Yeah.
- Yeah.
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All right. Who's a winner?
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- I am!
- I am!
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Morning!
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- Look at you, with your magic stick.
- What do you think?
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Magic is stupid.
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No, no, honey.
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- Mom!
- What?
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You forgot the sausages!
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- I'll get the sausages.
- Come on. I'm hungry.
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All right, I'll get the sausages.
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Excuse me, listen,
I'm really sorry to bother you.
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My family and I, we just ran out of gas
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and we're trying to get to the kids
to SeaWorld.
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And, I, like an idiot forgot my wallet.
If I can just...
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- Your legs work okay?
- Yeah, why?
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You should walk somewhere
and get a job.
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- Harold...
- I'll take care of it.
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That's what I have, a job.
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We'll get to SeaWorld
one way or the other.
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We're on our way to church.
Maybe that's where you ought to go.
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Thank you. Have a great day.
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- Can you help out a veteran?
- Not today.
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- Get away from the car.
- Honey, roll up the window.
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Get away!
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- What's your name?
- Drillbit.
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Listen, Drillbit, I wasn't born yesterday.
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I don't want you using this on
any marijuana or rye whiskey, okay?
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- You got my word on it.
- You know what?
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- I'm gonna write "not for pot" on there.
- You don't have to write.
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Yeah. "Not for pot."
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You're gonna feel pretty silly if you try
to buy weed with that, won't you?
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Remember, put your best foot forward.
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People decide what they think about you
in the first five seconds.
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So, let me smell your breath.
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Minty.
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- You swipe on some deodorant?
- Yeah.
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- You dust the nuts?
- No, Jim. I did not dust my nuts.
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I'll never get tired of that one, Dad.
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You know, you should hit the weights
with the boys and me.
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- I'll pass.
- We'll get you in the gym.
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We'll beef you up. Look at these guys.
Show them. Give him a gun shot.
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Give him a crab.
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Worship the sun.
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- Yeah, look at these guys.
- They're freaks.
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Not in my house!
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- Have a great day.
- Okay, I love you, Dad.
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I love you, too.
Have fun at school, Ryan. Bye.
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- So what'd your dad say?
- He told me to have fun.
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Wow, great parenting.
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I don't know how
we're surviving without him.
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- Sorry.
- It's okay.
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- He's a piece of shit, anyway.
- Thank you, honey.
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- Enchante.
- Hello.
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You got room for two
in this little speedster?
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I am in a rush now. But I hostess up
at Moon Shadows on the one.
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So if you get up there just, you know,
ask for me. I'm Jessica.
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- Thanks, Jessica.
- Yeah.
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'Cause our chef, Louis,
always makes too much chowder.
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So he'll set you up with
a nice plastic bowl of it out back.
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- You're late today.
- Hey, get a job!
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- You get a job.
- I already got one, giving money to you.
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- How're you doing, Mrs. Lampanelli?
- All right.
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- You look beautiful today.
- You're a liar. But it works for me.
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- Go on, get out of here, you nut!
- You earned it.
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And don't spend it on food. Porn only!
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First day of high school.
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- It's kind of scary.
- Yeah, it sucks taking the bus.
130
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Sure, last year we were the oldest
so we got to sit in the back of the bus,
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but now we'll probably have to sit
in the front with the losers.
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We'll be all right.
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You have to have a proactive attitude
if you wanna be popular in high school.
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People decide what they think of you
in the first five seconds.
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I think you're a dork.
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Oh, Wade.
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- Oh, no.
- This is uncool.
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We can't start high school like this.
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You got to be shitting me. Come on.
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- Please, am I dreaming here?
- No.
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We're never allowed
to buy the same shirt again!
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Whoever sees it first gets to buy it.
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You guys should wear
red ribbons in your hair, too.
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See? We both look like dorks.
Go change.
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No! I'm the one who was
planning on wearing this.
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Wade, I run the mile in 21 minutes!
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How fast do you think I can go?
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- Go! Hurry!
- I'm going!
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Wade, bus!
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- Perfect!
- Come on!
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What a way to start high school, huh?
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Let me guess.
Two-for-one sale at Hot Topic?
153
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- Losers!
- Dorks!
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We're dead.
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First day of our high school careers.
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All right, let's light this fuse
and see what happens.
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- Let's go, man.
- All right.
158
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Are you guys part of a bowling team?
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Last one.
160
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Hey, at least it'll be easy
to find each other.
161
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Yeah. I'll just look
for the kid with the same shirt.
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- Come on!
- No, you have to spin it a few times first
163
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to get it to work.
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Thank you.
165
00:09:01,713 --> 00:09:03,305
No, wait! Wait!
166
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- What are you guys doing? Guys!
- Now, shut it. Move!
167
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- No, thanks.
- Guys!
168
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- Get out of the way!
- Man!
169
00:09:08,987 --> 00:09:11,387
- Here we go.
- But that... That's not for me.
170
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- That's for my books!
- Okay, here we go.
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- In there.
- I am not a book!
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- Get in there!
- This is bad.
173
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- This isn't my locker! Please!
- No, this is good.
174
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At least we know we're not
the biggest dorks in school.
175
00:09:20,965 --> 00:09:22,489
- Please, please, please!
- Maybe we should say something.
176
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It's survival of the fittest.
177
00:09:23,968 --> 00:09:26,334
I've got to say something.
I got to. I have to.
178
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Say something? It's hilarious.
The kid fits in the locker. Come on.
179
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- That's not funny.
- Somebody, help!
180
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This is the dumbest thing
I've ever done.
181
00:09:32,510 --> 00:09:34,740
- Help! Please!
- Stop!
182
00:09:43,254 --> 00:09:47,418
- I mean, you don't have to, but...
- Harry Potter.
183
00:09:48,493 --> 00:09:50,324
You need to keep your big mouth shut.
184
00:09:50,428 --> 00:09:53,090
Yeah, that's what
I've been trying to tell him.
185
00:09:54,799 --> 00:09:58,257
- Hey!
- Run! Everybody run! It's not safe here!
186
00:09:58,369 --> 00:10:01,304
Hey, check this out.
Matching shirt geeks.
187
00:10:01,406 --> 00:10:02,566
Oh, my God.
188
00:10:02,674 --> 00:10:04,665
Yo, Ron, these bitches
really wanna wear the same shirt.
189
00:10:04,776 --> 00:10:06,107
Let's make them
wear the same shirt, huh?
190
00:10:06,210 --> 00:10:07,973
Sounds good. Yeah.
191
00:10:08,946 --> 00:10:12,347
The fat one here, the skinny one there,
and just let go.
192
00:10:14,819 --> 00:10:15,808
There.
193
00:10:17,722 --> 00:10:19,212
You better keep that shit on,
194
00:10:19,324 --> 00:10:21,451
'cause if I see you trying to take it off,
you're dead.
195
00:10:21,559 --> 00:10:23,823
And you know what happens
if one of you dies? Both of you dies.
196
00:10:23,928 --> 00:10:26,453
'Cause you're Siamese queers, bitches!
197
00:10:33,538 --> 00:10:34,630
That's very cute.
198
00:10:34,739 --> 00:10:37,708
You look like those Velcro monkeys
who hug each other.
199
00:10:40,144 --> 00:10:41,668
How was school, Wade?
200
00:10:41,779 --> 00:10:44,339
We made so many friends,
I can't even remember all their names.
201
00:10:44,449 --> 00:10:47,282
- Great! You got to be in it to win it.
- I am in it!
202
00:10:47,385 --> 00:10:48,374
Great.
203
00:10:49,354 --> 00:10:50,343
Yeah!
204
00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:53,721
- Yeah.
- So school went well, huh?
205
00:10:53,825 --> 00:10:56,453
Oh, it was great.
It couldn't have gone better.
206
00:10:56,561 --> 00:10:59,860
It was the shirt, right?
I'll have to get you more of those.
207
00:11:01,032 --> 00:11:03,830
Hey! What are you doing?
That's my stuff!
208
00:11:03,935 --> 00:11:04,993
This is city property.
209
00:11:05,103 --> 00:11:06,968
Nobody's supposed to be
camping out here.
210
00:11:07,071 --> 00:11:08,663
Your stuff's in the dumpster
around the corner.
211
00:11:08,773 --> 00:11:12,766
That's where I eat! You don't put
a man's belongings where he eats!
212
00:11:12,877 --> 00:11:16,404
- My taxes pay for your salary.
- You don't pay taxes.
213
00:11:16,514 --> 00:11:19,142
- You don't even have a job.
- What else you wanna remind me of?
214
00:11:19,250 --> 00:11:22,981
That I don't have good health care?
That I don't belong to a good gym?
215
00:11:23,087 --> 00:11:26,887
Where's the compassion?
Protect and serve. That's what it says.
216
00:11:27,024 --> 00:11:28,821
- Compassion?
- Yeah, compassion.
217
00:11:28,926 --> 00:11:30,985
You wanna know
what I have compassion for?
218
00:11:31,095 --> 00:11:35,361
The homeless who are mentally ill,
the homeless who are drug-addicted.
219
00:11:35,466 --> 00:11:37,457
Buddy, you're just a jackass.
220
00:11:37,635 --> 00:11:40,399
Oh, guy hits a little bit of bump
in the road and he's a jackass?
221
00:11:40,505 --> 00:11:43,269
Maybe I should go smoke some crack
and get your sympathy.
222
00:11:43,374 --> 00:11:45,808
- Go back to the Village People!
- Back up!
223
00:11:45,910 --> 00:11:46,934
Damn!
224
00:11:48,479 --> 00:11:51,778
All right, today is the first day
of our high school careers.
225
00:11:52,316 --> 00:11:53,647
Yes, it is.
226
00:12:01,392 --> 00:12:02,723
There she is.
227
00:12:02,827 --> 00:12:05,489
That's the girl who came up to me
at my locker.
228
00:12:06,898 --> 00:12:10,994
- Well, make your move.
- What move? I don't have a move.
229
00:12:23,548 --> 00:12:25,311
All right, thanks for signing up.
230
00:12:27,485 --> 00:12:29,817
How're you doing?
231
00:12:29,921 --> 00:12:31,855
Is this your first time signing up
for the Heritage Club?
232
00:12:31,956 --> 00:12:35,016
- Yeah, it is. Okay, bye.
- Bye.
233
00:12:39,230 --> 00:12:41,095
What'd you sign up for?
234
00:12:41,199 --> 00:12:45,693
- Photography and Asian Heritage.
- Asian Heritage, huh?
235
00:12:45,803 --> 00:12:47,293
- I like your commitment.
- Yeah.
236
00:12:47,405 --> 00:12:49,930
- I like it a lot.
- Hey, buddies! Remember me?
237
00:12:51,075 --> 00:12:53,600
- Hi.
- Oh, Jesus H.
238
00:12:54,078 --> 00:12:55,204
Oh, God.
239
00:12:57,148 --> 00:12:59,673
Guys, why aren't you wearing them?
240
00:12:59,784 --> 00:13:03,049
- Why are you talking to us?
- I just wanted to say thank you
241
00:13:03,154 --> 00:13:04,746
for helping me out yesterday and all.
242
00:13:04,856 --> 00:13:07,381
You guys are definitely the type of
people I'm gonna want to hang out with.
243
00:13:07,492 --> 00:13:09,722
- Yeah.
- Hi, I'm Emmit Oosterhaus, by the way.
244
00:13:09,827 --> 00:13:11,954
- Hi.
- Wade. That's T-Dog.
245
00:13:12,063 --> 00:13:15,089
T-Dog? Dude,
that's a really cool nickname.
246
00:13:15,199 --> 00:13:17,326
Hey, can you guys give me a nickname?
247
00:13:17,435 --> 00:13:19,460
We need to ditch this guy.
He's like a stray cat.
248
00:13:19,570 --> 00:13:21,333
Once you feed him,
he'll never go away, okay?
249
00:13:21,439 --> 00:13:23,134
Hey, no secrets, T-Dog.
250
00:13:23,274 --> 00:13:24,468
I'm off to U.S. History.
251
00:13:24,575 --> 00:13:25,735
- U.S. History.
- Hey, look!
252
00:13:25,843 --> 00:13:28,437
The Siamese queers had a baby.
253
00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:30,673
I guess that makes them triplets,
now doesn't it?
254
00:13:30,781 --> 00:13:33,614
Well, actually,
we still wouldn't be triplets, see.
255
00:13:33,951 --> 00:13:36,283
You see, they'd be my parents,
and I'd be the baby.
256
00:13:36,387 --> 00:13:37,513
Don't get smart with me.
257
00:13:37,622 --> 00:13:41,422
I said you're triplets and I think that
you guys need to get into his shirt
258
00:13:41,526 --> 00:13:43,289
- and be triplets.
- We can do that.
259
00:13:43,394 --> 00:13:45,988
You know what? Emmit, shut up.
260
00:13:46,097 --> 00:13:49,066
Look, you really have to
do this crap, guys?
261
00:13:49,166 --> 00:13:52,033
Come on, give us a break.
It's the second day of school.
262
00:13:52,136 --> 00:13:54,468
Hey, I like this kid. Yeah.
263
00:13:55,139 --> 00:13:57,607
Double Stuf's got an attitude.
264
00:14:00,478 --> 00:14:03,845
Yeah. We have to do this shit
because it's hilarious.
265
00:14:04,348 --> 00:14:06,908
This school is boring.
266
00:14:07,451 --> 00:14:09,851
Watching you freak out amuses me.
267
00:14:10,755 --> 00:14:14,555
And, yeah, it's just the second day
of school. So guess what?
268
00:14:14,659 --> 00:14:19,995
It's gonna keep coming
and coming and coming!
269
00:14:24,735 --> 00:14:25,827
Party time!
270
00:14:26,604 --> 00:14:28,970
- Stop peeing on me!
- Wait! Wait! No!
271
00:14:35,079 --> 00:14:36,808
He pissed himself. What a loser.
272
00:14:47,291 --> 00:14:48,258
Help.
273
00:14:50,161 --> 00:14:51,219
Help me!
274
00:14:54,031 --> 00:14:57,330
- Is that Mario Lopez, dude?
- Whoever he is, he's cute!
275
00:15:00,871 --> 00:15:02,771
Take his pants off! Pants off!
276
00:15:20,491 --> 00:15:24,018
- Up, down, up...
- Write your name!
277
00:15:31,035 --> 00:15:33,663
No! Please, don't! No! Don't!
278
00:15:40,378 --> 00:15:41,367
Bernie?
279
00:15:44,982 --> 00:15:47,109
- Come on, give me one match, here.
- That's funny.
280
00:15:47,218 --> 00:15:48,583
- All I need is one.
- Yeah, I like it.
281
00:15:48,686 --> 00:15:51,177
- Will you just give up?
- Damn it! Look at that.
282
00:15:51,288 --> 00:15:54,917
God, I can't even get one card!
Not one thing!
283
00:15:55,026 --> 00:15:58,291
State of California just robbed me, Don.
You saw it.
284
00:16:00,965 --> 00:16:03,763
You'd think... Where's my quarter?
Did you see my...
285
00:16:03,868 --> 00:16:05,699
- You're always looking at me.
- Is the pill bottle... I forget,
286
00:16:05,803 --> 00:16:09,068
- is that the castle or is that a rook?
- Don, did you just take my quarter?
287
00:16:09,173 --> 00:16:11,573
No, I didn't take your quarter, Drillbit.
288
00:16:11,676 --> 00:16:13,667
Not my fault you can't keep track
of your finances.
289
00:16:13,778 --> 00:16:16,110
I don't know why you're spending all
your money on this dumb stuff, anyway.
290
00:16:16,213 --> 00:16:18,841
You're unbelievable.
I got to get out of here.
291
00:16:18,949 --> 00:16:21,213
You know,
I can't take this anymore, man.
292
00:16:21,318 --> 00:16:24,014
Rich people don't like us,
293
00:16:24,121 --> 00:16:25,748
and the tourists are scared of us.
294
00:16:25,856 --> 00:16:28,347
- When they see Bernie, they're terrified.
- Terrified.
295
00:16:28,459 --> 00:16:31,155
They're not scared of me, I'm sexy.
296
00:16:31,262 --> 00:16:32,854
- Sanitizer?
- Yeah.
297
00:16:33,497 --> 00:16:34,896
Yeah. Thanks, man.
298
00:16:35,332 --> 00:16:39,234
I just get... I'm like a bird.
I just wanna fly north. I want to...
299
00:16:40,271 --> 00:16:42,239
I'd like to go to Canada.
300
00:16:42,506 --> 00:16:44,303
What was it last year? I think it was,
301
00:16:44,408 --> 00:16:46,205
- "I was gonna go to Iceland."
- Reykjavik.
302
00:16:46,310 --> 00:16:47,299
- No, no.
- Where's that?
303
00:16:47,411 --> 00:16:50,346
Yeah, but the thing about Canada,
if you go high enough north...
304
00:16:50,448 --> 00:16:51,938
- That's right.
...the government pays you
305
00:16:52,049 --> 00:16:53,448
- to take the land.
- That's the truth.
306
00:16:53,551 --> 00:16:56,213
Yeah. Lookit, man,
the beer's twice as strong.
307
00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:59,118
They don't lock the doors,
that should appeal to a man like you.
308
00:16:59,223 --> 00:17:01,418
And what about
a British Columbian girl?
309
00:17:01,525 --> 00:17:03,789
Does that sound like
a pretty potent mix?
310
00:17:03,894 --> 00:17:05,896
Yeah, that's not too bad.
I kind of like that.
311
00:17:06,097 --> 00:17:07,564
Okay, now, man, check this out.
312
00:17:07,665 --> 00:17:10,566
One-way flight to Canada, $287.
313
00:17:10,668 --> 00:17:13,034
You got to throw in 50 bucks for bribing,
what're they called,
314
00:17:13,137 --> 00:17:14,968
- the Federales, the...
- Mounties.
315
00:17:15,072 --> 00:17:16,664
Yeah, yeah, yeah, the Mounties.
316
00:17:16,774 --> 00:17:20,403
Another...
I want a good winter jacket, 80 bucks.
317
00:17:20,511 --> 00:17:25,278
So we're talking $387 and it's a new
life for your old hombre, Drillbit.
318
00:17:25,382 --> 00:17:28,146
I dig it, man. Follow the dream.
Chase that thing.
319
00:17:28,252 --> 00:17:30,015
How you gonna come up
with that kind of money, though?
320
00:17:30,121 --> 00:17:31,247
Get a job.
321
00:17:31,355 --> 00:17:33,823
I was an Army Ranger.
There are a lot of people dying for that.
322
00:17:33,924 --> 00:17:36,654
Watch this kid play Hendrix.
He really jams. Look at him.
323
00:17:36,761 --> 00:17:38,228
Oh, yeah, there he goes.
324
00:17:38,329 --> 00:17:40,354
Yeah, I like how he looks
a little bit like Hendrix.
325
00:17:43,501 --> 00:17:44,763
Yeah! I'm gonna give him a buck.
326
00:17:44,869 --> 00:17:47,702
- I'll give him a couple bucks.
- A buck? Give him a compliment, man!
327
00:17:47,805 --> 00:17:48,772
Give me a buck!
328
00:18:06,123 --> 00:18:07,556
Why is he in my house?
329
00:18:07,658 --> 00:18:10,718
Are we trying to attract
after-school bullies?
330
00:18:10,828 --> 00:18:13,160
I'm here because
Wade invited me to be here.
331
00:18:13,264 --> 00:18:15,357
Because I'm your friend now.
332
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:19,533
This fantasy land you live in,
Emmit, are there rides?
333
00:18:19,637 --> 00:18:22,231
Stop picking on him, all right?
This is our guy.
334
00:18:22,339 --> 00:18:23,829
I don't want him to be our guy.
335
00:18:23,941 --> 00:18:27,741
Well, the good news is, I think I found
a solution to our problems.
336
00:18:28,579 --> 00:18:30,570
- Kill Emmit?
- No, bear with me.
337
00:18:30,681 --> 00:18:33,411
This might sound stupid,
but I was on the Internet last night
338
00:18:33,517 --> 00:18:37,419
and there's a bunch of sites where
we can hire a professional bodyguard.
339
00:18:37,521 --> 00:18:40,979
- What do you mean by bodyguard?
- Like he beats up kids that bother us.
340
00:18:41,091 --> 00:18:45,027
A bodyguard? Wade,
that's the dumbest idea I've ever heard.
341
00:18:45,129 --> 00:18:47,359
We should just be men
and fight these kids!
342
00:18:47,464 --> 00:18:48,795
Are you serious?
343
00:18:50,201 --> 00:18:52,931
Of course not. I've never been in a fight.
344
00:18:53,671 --> 00:18:56,572
Have you seen those
high school fights on YouTube?
345
00:18:56,674 --> 00:18:58,232
Kids are brutal.
346
00:19:00,578 --> 00:19:03,513
He gave us an earthquake
when we were peeing in the urinal.
347
00:19:03,614 --> 00:19:04,603
He shoved me in a locker.
348
00:19:04,715 --> 00:19:08,446
And he put my head in his shirt
and called us Siamese queers.
349
00:19:12,289 --> 00:19:13,722
How's that funny?
350
00:19:13,824 --> 00:19:16,622
It's not funny. It's just, it's rare that,
351
00:19:16,727 --> 00:19:18,490
you know,
kids say things that surprise me.
352
00:19:18,596 --> 00:19:21,497
Siamese queers.
I'd never heard that one.
353
00:19:24,268 --> 00:19:27,726
- What would you like me to do?
- We really just want it to stop.
354
00:19:28,806 --> 00:19:31,036
So are they pretty much free to say
whatever they want?
355
00:19:31,141 --> 00:19:33,439
Or am I allowed to defend myself?
356
00:19:34,678 --> 00:19:37,738
Oh, no. Principal Doppler,
I thought this was gonna be anonymous.
357
00:19:37,848 --> 00:19:42,046
In this country, we give the accused
the chance to face his accusers.
358
00:19:42,152 --> 00:19:43,642
Terry, come over here for a second,
will you?
359
00:19:43,754 --> 00:19:46,518
Now we've known each other for...
Yeah, have a seat.
360
00:19:46,624 --> 00:19:49,855
- What's your take on this?
- Hey, guys, hey. How's it going?
361
00:19:50,561 --> 00:19:53,029
Be polite! There you go.
362
00:19:53,430 --> 00:19:54,556
- Wade.
- Hi.
363
00:19:54,665 --> 00:19:56,792
Hey, T-Dog. Give me a pound.
364
00:19:58,402 --> 00:20:00,996
Yeah. Principal Doppler, sir,
I was really excited
365
00:20:01,105 --> 00:20:04,097
about starting this new school year.
I'm not gonna lie.
366
00:20:04,508 --> 00:20:08,069
Who knows?
I, maybe, was hazing them a little bit,
367
00:20:09,113 --> 00:20:10,580
but I'm sorry.
368
00:20:11,682 --> 00:20:12,979
I really am.
369
00:20:13,083 --> 00:20:15,984
You know, I appreciate you taking
responsibility. It's refreshing.
370
00:20:16,086 --> 00:20:18,316
- He doesn't mean it!
- We need to call his parents in.
371
00:20:18,422 --> 00:20:20,686
- Now.
- He doesn't have any parents.
372
00:20:20,791 --> 00:20:23,760
Well, not in this country, anyway.
They live in Hong Kong.
373
00:20:23,861 --> 00:20:26,659
- He's an emancipated minor.
- What does that mean?
374
00:20:26,764 --> 00:20:29,028
It means he's legally an adult.
375
00:20:29,533 --> 00:20:31,160
He answers to no one.
376
00:20:32,269 --> 00:20:33,964
He's above the law.
377
00:20:35,706 --> 00:20:37,606
- What a nightmare, huh?
- Yeah.
378
00:20:39,443 --> 00:20:40,432
Oh, crap.
379
00:20:41,745 --> 00:20:42,734
Oh, no.
380
00:20:44,214 --> 00:20:45,408
- Run.
- Go! Go!
381
00:20:47,518 --> 00:20:49,486
- Run! Go, go!
- Hurry.
382
00:20:49,586 --> 00:20:51,213
Wait for me!
383
00:21:09,239 --> 00:21:10,399
Go, go!
384
00:21:15,512 --> 00:21:17,207
- Do you think he sees us?
- No.
385
00:21:29,059 --> 00:21:31,027
Open the door! Open the door!
386
00:21:31,128 --> 00:21:32,254
What do they want?
387
00:21:32,363 --> 00:21:34,797
Just keep driving, Mom.
It's none of our business.
388
00:21:41,705 --> 00:21:43,138
Let's go, let's go!
389
00:22:02,292 --> 00:22:05,261
Have you guys lost your mind?
Come on, let's go!
390
00:22:05,996 --> 00:22:07,327
Go, go, come on!
391
00:22:11,068 --> 00:22:12,695
- Come on.
- Oh, no!
392
00:22:13,170 --> 00:22:15,263
- Run! Run!
- Go!
393
00:22:16,407 --> 00:22:17,931
Get them, baby!
394
00:22:22,079 --> 00:22:23,512
There! The garage!
395
00:22:46,703 --> 00:22:48,227
You gonna rat on me, boys?
396
00:22:48,338 --> 00:22:51,136
Try to get my parents involved
in this situation?
397
00:22:51,842 --> 00:22:55,710
Now I have to make it my mission
to destroy you punks!
398
00:22:55,813 --> 00:22:59,214
Hey! You kids get the hell off
my property!
399
00:22:59,316 --> 00:23:02,479
I'm gonna give you three seconds,
then I'm getting my shotgun!
400
00:23:02,586 --> 00:23:04,713
- No!
- You better get out of here right now!
401
00:23:04,822 --> 00:23:07,086
- Please don't!
- No! Please!
402
00:23:07,991 --> 00:23:10,459
One! Two! Three!
403
00:23:14,731 --> 00:23:17,700
- Go! Go!
- And stay out, you gang bangers!
404
00:23:28,946 --> 00:23:30,971
Charles, chai latte up.
405
00:23:31,181 --> 00:23:34,582
- Hey! Get off my computer!
- Keep your shirt on.
406
00:23:34,685 --> 00:23:35,652
Come on.
407
00:23:37,955 --> 00:23:40,253
If this doesn't work,
I'm gonna kick your ass.
408
00:23:40,357 --> 00:23:42,917
When it works,
you're going to kiss my ass.
409
00:23:43,026 --> 00:23:46,086
How are we gonna know
which one's the bodyguard?
410
00:23:57,274 --> 00:23:59,469
Have you ever done
this kind of thing before?
411
00:23:59,576 --> 00:24:02,136
I worked for the hardest gangstas
in the world.
412
00:24:02,246 --> 00:24:04,305
Kee Lo-Lo, Chenobee.
413
00:24:05,082 --> 00:24:07,880
Hell, I still work for Tupac,
even though he dead.
414
00:24:08,785 --> 00:24:12,277
I am Israeli Military Secret Service
Antiterrorist Squad.
415
00:24:13,023 --> 00:24:16,390
So when I kill this kid,
do you want me to do it quickly,
416
00:24:16,493 --> 00:24:18,984
- or do you want him to suffer?
- Suffer.
417
00:24:20,998 --> 00:24:23,159
If you hire Tiger's Protection Services,
418
00:24:23,267 --> 00:24:25,132
not only do you get the Tiger,
419
00:24:25,235 --> 00:24:28,261
but you get the protection
of his entire pride.
420
00:24:30,874 --> 00:24:31,841
Do you like hip-hop?
421
00:24:31,942 --> 00:24:33,569
What the hell you implying
I like hip-hop for?
422
00:24:33,677 --> 00:24:36,339
'Cause I'm dressed this way?
I like country. You like country?
423
00:24:36,446 --> 00:24:39,609
That's the kind of music I like. Alabama.
Gimme some of that.
424
00:24:39,716 --> 00:24:42,879
Some Brooks and Dunn.
The Dixie Chicks, bitch.
425
00:24:45,822 --> 00:24:48,120
Kids hiring a bodyguard
to take care of a bully?
426
00:24:48,225 --> 00:24:49,749
Stupidest thing I ever heard.
427
00:24:49,860 --> 00:24:53,352
Back in my day, if a kid was getting
beat up, it was called childhood.
428
00:24:53,463 --> 00:24:56,557
Pick somebody, anybody.
I'll go beat their ass
429
00:24:56,667 --> 00:25:00,728
right here, right now, and then you can
ask them for a goddamned reference.
430
00:25:01,805 --> 00:25:03,067
How about you, lady?
431
00:25:03,173 --> 00:25:06,370
I'll kick your ass right now!
Close. Closed.
432
00:25:07,444 --> 00:25:09,674
- Yeah!
- This is very disturbing.
433
00:25:09,780 --> 00:25:11,941
You want an ass kicking?
434
00:25:18,889 --> 00:25:20,880
What do you do
when you're not body guarding?
435
00:25:20,991 --> 00:25:23,221
I work at Raging Waters.
436
00:25:23,327 --> 00:25:27,627
I sense great hesitation.
Wait one moment. Excuse me.
437
00:25:28,031 --> 00:25:29,862
I'm going to borrow this.
438
00:25:30,601 --> 00:25:33,195
- Please don't do that.
- Oh, God damn!
439
00:25:34,805 --> 00:25:35,906
- $2,100 a week.
- $10,000 a week.
440
00:25:35,906 --> 00:25:37,203
- $2,100 a week.
- $10,000 a week.
441
00:25:37,307 --> 00:25:40,367
We're hoping you'd say, like,
around $100.
442
00:25:42,112 --> 00:25:43,909
- Not interested.
- I hate kids like you.
443
00:25:44,014 --> 00:25:46,608
I can't help you. No one can help you!
444
00:25:53,757 --> 00:25:56,624
- Susan, your double espresso's up.
- I'm Susan.
445
00:26:11,508 --> 00:26:13,169
I'm Drillbit Taylor.
446
00:26:18,649 --> 00:26:23,052
U.S. Army Ranger, black ops operative,
decorated marksman,
447
00:26:23,153 --> 00:26:27,089
- improvised weapons expert.
- Are you still in the military?
448
00:26:27,457 --> 00:26:30,358
I was discharged.
Unauthorized heroism.
449
00:26:33,563 --> 00:26:37,522
Yeah. They call it an army of one
in the ads, but they don't mean it.
450
00:26:39,303 --> 00:26:42,761
Unless they mean the whole army
working together as one.
451
00:26:42,873 --> 00:26:45,239
But they certainly don't want one man
out there kicking ass
452
00:26:45,342 --> 00:26:48,470
like an army of one,
which is the way I took it.
453
00:26:49,479 --> 00:26:52,573
As a bodyguard
I protected three Vice Presidents,
454
00:26:53,450 --> 00:26:57,045
Bobby Brown, Sylvester Stallone...
Not as tough as he looks.
455
00:26:57,754 --> 00:27:00,382
So what's the story?
Who do you guys need protection from?
456
00:27:00,490 --> 00:27:03,789
It should be easy for you.
Just a high school bully.
457
00:27:03,894 --> 00:27:06,692
Yeah. Run into a few of those in my life.
458
00:27:08,332 --> 00:27:11,165
- What'd you do to provoke him?
- Well, he's fat, and he's a dork,
459
00:27:11,268 --> 00:27:13,634
- and I'm awesome.
- Shut up, Wade.
460
00:27:13,737 --> 00:27:16,865
By "awesome" do you mean
scared, skinny and Ionely?
461
00:27:18,542 --> 00:27:19,531
Yeah.
462
00:27:20,844 --> 00:27:21,811
Yeah.
463
00:27:22,579 --> 00:27:26,811
- So how do we know you're legit?
- Come here. Go on, come here.
464
00:27:26,917 --> 00:27:28,612
I'm not gonna bite.
465
00:27:31,188 --> 00:27:33,088
I want you to look at my eyes.
466
00:27:33,924 --> 00:27:35,516
Take a good look.
467
00:27:36,993 --> 00:27:40,895
Come here! What do you see?
You looking?
468
00:27:42,999 --> 00:27:45,934
- What the hell have you seen?
- You want some?
469
00:27:47,137 --> 00:27:51,164
These eyes have seen
unspeakable horror.
470
00:27:52,442 --> 00:27:53,773
That's my evidence.
471
00:27:53,877 --> 00:27:58,507
That's how you know if a guy's legit.
You need some evidence, too?
472
00:27:58,915 --> 00:28:00,883
I've seen things you wouldn't believe.
473
00:28:00,984 --> 00:28:04,545
I've watched C-beams glitter in the dark
near the Tannhauser Gate.
474
00:28:05,088 --> 00:28:07,022
Isn't that Blade Runner?
475
00:28:07,758 --> 00:28:10,352
Look closely 'cause it's all in there.
476
00:28:12,729 --> 00:28:13,696
Boo!
477
00:28:18,335 --> 00:28:20,394
So, how much do you charge?
478
00:28:20,837 --> 00:28:24,204
$387 a week.
479
00:28:25,342 --> 00:28:26,934
- One second.
- I say yes.
480
00:28:27,177 --> 00:28:28,974
I'm not even sure if I'm available.
481
00:28:29,079 --> 00:28:31,445
- He's good.
- No! No! He's weird.
482
00:28:31,548 --> 00:28:34,142
You know, we might be able
to work up to that.
483
00:28:34,484 --> 00:28:36,850
But right now, we've only got $83.
484
00:28:39,689 --> 00:28:43,455
Okay, well, give me that now
and we'll figure out the rest later.
485
00:28:46,229 --> 00:28:48,094
You know what this is?
486
00:28:49,065 --> 00:28:50,464
It's a wing.
487
00:28:51,334 --> 00:28:55,600
And you're under it.
All three of you, right there.
488
00:28:56,206 --> 00:28:57,673
Okay, here's the mission plan.
489
00:28:57,774 --> 00:29:01,972
Using my expertise at stealthy
and covert ops, I'll infiltrate the school
490
00:29:02,078 --> 00:29:05,912
where I will watch over you
like the Lord almighty himself.
491
00:29:06,016 --> 00:29:07,643
Careful.
492
00:29:08,652 --> 00:29:10,916
Like the good Lord,
I'm gonna use some mysterious ways,
493
00:29:11,021 --> 00:29:13,489
so you're not always gonna see me,
but I'll be there.
494
00:29:13,590 --> 00:29:15,251
Especially when you don't see me.
495
00:29:15,358 --> 00:29:17,258
But first, I'm gonna need some supplies.
496
00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:19,021
- I want to go in and get...
- Like nunchucks?
497
00:29:19,129 --> 00:29:20,096
Maybe.
498
00:29:20,230 --> 00:29:23,063
But a lot of stuff, I'll just get from
just what's laying around the house.
499
00:29:23,166 --> 00:29:24,155
You'd be surprised.
500
00:29:24,301 --> 00:29:27,168
Anything can be turned into
a weapon of mayhem or destruction.
501
00:29:27,270 --> 00:29:29,568
- Even a puppy?
- Especially a puppy.
502
00:29:29,673 --> 00:29:34,007
Germans used them in World War I.
Da Hunden Stormen. Lightning Dog.
503
00:29:35,245 --> 00:29:38,476
They'd attach dynamite to them.
Rommel did it. Jerry bastard.
504
00:29:38,982 --> 00:29:41,815
- Now, listen. One thing that...
- This is my house.
505
00:29:42,118 --> 00:29:43,517
Wow.
506
00:29:43,620 --> 00:29:48,683
- We can go in. Nobody's home.
- Let's hit it. Deploy, soldiers.
507
00:29:48,792 --> 00:29:52,660
- Soldiers? Cool. You hear that, T-Dog?
- Beeline, front door! Single file!
508
00:29:52,762 --> 00:29:53,990
Officers first!
509
00:29:56,967 --> 00:29:59,959
You, get me a bowl of cereal.
Go on. Scram.
510
00:30:09,346 --> 00:30:12,179
- Okay, this I'm gonna need. Right here.
- What for?
511
00:30:12,282 --> 00:30:13,977
You take that,
my mom'll rip my head off!
512
00:30:14,084 --> 00:30:15,745
At ease, Casper!
513
00:30:15,952 --> 00:30:19,718
Okay. Observe its momentary
reflective blinding capabilities.
514
00:30:20,323 --> 00:30:23,315
Bang! You're defenseless.
515
00:30:23,426 --> 00:30:25,758
Silver alloy,
one of the strongest ever constructed.
516
00:30:25,862 --> 00:30:28,854
Probably stop an armor-piercing bullet
at point-blank range.
517
00:30:28,965 --> 00:30:31,399
You don't really think
it could come to that.
518
00:30:31,501 --> 00:30:32,627
You tell me.
519
00:30:33,069 --> 00:30:36,368
Filkins is a whack job.
He almost ran over us with his car!
520
00:30:36,473 --> 00:30:40,409
- He's a menace.
- Yeah, I was my dad's favorite, too.
521
00:30:40,510 --> 00:30:42,637
He once cut a kid's arm off
with a samurai sword.
522
00:30:42,746 --> 00:30:44,543
- Bladed weaponry?
- Yeah.
523
00:30:44,915 --> 00:30:48,442
Okay. I'm not gonna take any chances.
You're now on orange alert.
524
00:30:49,185 --> 00:30:52,348
Okay, now this will be good
for video surveillance.
525
00:30:52,789 --> 00:30:54,154
This is good.
526
00:30:54,257 --> 00:30:56,657
You take the guts out of this
and use it for wiretapping.
527
00:30:56,760 --> 00:31:00,252
I think we can use this as a...
I don't know, as a timekeeping device.
528
00:31:00,363 --> 00:31:02,194
I think I'll wear it on my wrist, possibly.
529
00:31:02,299 --> 00:31:04,529
You think you might need this?
530
00:31:05,669 --> 00:31:08,399
This piece of crap's not worth anything.
531
00:31:09,005 --> 00:31:11,030
As a weapon. It's too obvious.
532
00:31:11,141 --> 00:31:13,371
Testing, one, two. Mister Taylor?
533
00:31:13,476 --> 00:31:16,070
- Testing, one, two.
- Can you come back now?
534
00:31:16,179 --> 00:31:18,511
Guys, you got to go far back!
I can hear you!
535
00:31:18,615 --> 00:31:21,311
Testing, testing, one, two.
Can you hear me now?
536
00:31:22,786 --> 00:31:24,754
- They work pretty good.
- These are great.
537
00:31:24,854 --> 00:31:25,843
- Yeah.
- These are invaluable.
538
00:31:25,956 --> 00:31:27,184
- They get a little staticky, though...
- Yeah.
539
00:31:27,290 --> 00:31:28,814
...I think, some places in the house.
540
00:31:28,925 --> 00:31:30,153
Why you need all this stuff for?
541
00:31:30,293 --> 00:31:31,988
I thought we were gonna give
Filkins a beat down.
542
00:31:32,095 --> 00:31:33,187
I am gonna beat him down,
543
00:31:33,296 --> 00:31:35,560
but sometimes
after that first beat down,
544
00:31:35,665 --> 00:31:37,565
then they get a little, you know...
They want a little payback.
545
00:31:37,667 --> 00:31:40,135
I'm home!
Who wants grilled-cheese sandwiches?
546
00:31:40,236 --> 00:31:41,601
- Go! Go! Mom! Mom!
- Okay.
547
00:31:41,705 --> 00:31:43,764
- Exit! Exit!
- Go, out the back, out the back, go.
548
00:31:43,873 --> 00:31:45,397
Just 'cause you don't see me
doesn't mean I'm not there.
549
00:31:45,508 --> 00:31:49,171
- Shut the door.
- Act natural. Hey, Mom.
550
00:31:49,279 --> 00:31:50,746
- Hey, Barbara, how you doing?
- Hi, boys.
551
00:31:50,847 --> 00:31:52,439
- Who's your new little friend? Hi.
- Hi.
552
00:31:52,549 --> 00:31:54,176
- Hi. Emmit Oosterhaus.
- Hi, Emmit Oosterhaus.
553
00:31:54,284 --> 00:31:56,047
- He's not our friend.
- Yeah, he is.
554
00:31:56,152 --> 00:31:57,210
He's like our hamster.
555
00:31:57,320 --> 00:31:58,981
Smell like something?
556
00:32:00,724 --> 00:32:03,522
- Ryan? You washing?
- Yeah. You?
557
00:32:04,928 --> 00:32:06,793
It's a funny smell. It's all right.
Grilled-cheese sandwiches.
558
00:32:07,430 --> 00:32:10,228
Hey, come on! Buzz us in!
559
00:32:11,267 --> 00:32:12,427
You're gonna wanna see this!
560
00:32:12,535 --> 00:32:13,695
Big money coming in!
561
00:32:13,803 --> 00:32:16,237
This ain't a bunch of
aluminum cans here.
562
00:32:16,339 --> 00:32:17,499
Where do you want it?
Priceless treasures.
563
00:32:17,607 --> 00:32:18,938
Go set them down there.
564
00:32:19,509 --> 00:32:21,602
So you don't think those kids
are gonna miss this stuff?
565
00:32:21,711 --> 00:32:23,611
No. They got two of everything.
566
00:32:23,713 --> 00:32:27,615
They got the iPod, the iPod Nano.
And I don't care if they do,
567
00:32:27,717 --> 00:32:31,016
'cause after this little transaction,
568
00:32:31,121 --> 00:32:34,522
well, the old Drillbit's taking his act
to the Great White North.
569
00:32:34,624 --> 00:32:36,785
- What?
- Yeah, I'm going to Canada.
570
00:32:36,893 --> 00:32:39,384
Well, that's stupid.
You're gonna cut out now?
571
00:32:39,496 --> 00:32:42,693
- I'm going...
- These kids are a cash cow, Drillbit.
572
00:32:42,799 --> 00:32:44,994
You need to hang in there.
You don't cut and run.
573
00:32:45,101 --> 00:32:47,365
You got to get in there and milk this.
574
00:32:47,470 --> 00:32:48,903
Okay, come on back.
575
00:32:49,205 --> 00:32:53,699
All right, I'll tell you what.
I give you $125 for the whole lot.
576
00:32:53,810 --> 00:32:54,799
What?
577
00:32:54,911 --> 00:32:57,675
I just heard you say
you took it from some kids.
578
00:32:57,781 --> 00:33:00,079
So? Don't get all righteous on me.
579
00:33:00,183 --> 00:33:02,879
Half this store you guys got
from crackheads and thieves.
580
00:33:02,986 --> 00:33:05,147
Hey. Who the hell
do you think you are, man?
581
00:33:05,255 --> 00:33:06,882
Let me tell you something.
Those people are our customers!
582
00:33:06,990 --> 00:33:09,185
We're not that harsh on them,
so you shouldn't be!
583
00:33:09,292 --> 00:33:11,260
How would you like it
if we called you a crackhead?
584
00:33:11,361 --> 00:33:12,692
You have called me one.
585
00:33:12,796 --> 00:33:15,196
- Have we? Have we?
- I think I might have.
586
00:33:15,699 --> 00:33:17,690
- Drillbit? Drillbit? Come in.
- What is that?
587
00:33:17,801 --> 00:33:21,362
I'm sorry, hold it just a second.
D.B. One-four-niner-eight, come in.
588
00:33:21,471 --> 00:33:23,063
- Just take this.
- We just wanted you to know
589
00:33:23,173 --> 00:33:25,107
that Emmit was holding out
on some bar mitzvah money.
590
00:33:25,208 --> 00:33:28,769
Emmit, I don't care how many times you
get bar mitzvahed, you're not a man.
591
00:33:28,878 --> 00:33:29,936
- I am a man.
- No, you're not.
592
00:33:30,046 --> 00:33:32,344
- Drillbit! Milk it, milk it.
- So we'll have another 50 bucks for you
593
00:33:32,449 --> 00:33:34,576
- on Monday.
- Grab the udder and milk it.
594
00:33:34,684 --> 00:33:37,050
Ten-four, good buddy.
I will see you tomorrow.
595
00:33:37,153 --> 00:33:40,884
Commence radio silence in three, two.
596
00:33:42,992 --> 00:33:45,620
Today's the official start
of our high school careers.
597
00:33:45,729 --> 00:33:49,096
Last week's history.
Nothing good came out of last week.
598
00:33:49,199 --> 00:33:52,532
- We became best friends.
- Nothing good came out of last week.
599
00:33:52,635 --> 00:33:55,035
There's the sword. Man, we're so dead.
600
00:33:55,138 --> 00:33:58,437
- Where's Drillbit, Wade?
- Hey. Calvary's here.
601
00:33:58,541 --> 00:34:00,600
- Please, where have you been?
- Yes. What's up, man?
602
00:34:00,710 --> 00:34:03,178
Where's my money?
Where's my money?
603
00:34:04,314 --> 00:34:07,511
We got 40 bucks we promised,
plus we got an extra 17.
604
00:34:07,617 --> 00:34:08,606
I sold my Yu-Gi-Oh cards.
605
00:34:08,718 --> 00:34:09,912
Okay, this is gonna be sweet.
606
00:34:10,019 --> 00:34:11,621
I can't wait to watch
you kick Filkins' ass.
607
00:34:11,621 --> 00:34:11,882
I can't wait to watch
you kick Filkins' ass.
608
00:34:11,988 --> 00:34:15,082
- Yeah. What, is he here?
- Yeah, over there on his car.
609
00:34:15,191 --> 00:34:16,624
I want you to be
the last face he ever sees.
610
00:34:16,726 --> 00:34:17,784
What are you gonna do?
611
00:34:17,894 --> 00:34:19,418
- What am I gonna do?
- Come on.
612
00:34:19,529 --> 00:34:20,518
I want you to gnaw on his skull.
613
00:34:20,630 --> 00:34:22,097
- What's the plan?
- Shut up.
614
00:34:23,233 --> 00:34:26,862
Guys, I'm gonna check this dude out.
615
00:34:28,138 --> 00:34:29,105
Yes.
616
00:34:31,407 --> 00:34:32,704
Excuse me.
617
00:34:36,079 --> 00:34:37,137
Yeah.
618
00:34:43,219 --> 00:34:46,086
Just got to kind of stand here
for a second.
619
00:34:49,959 --> 00:34:52,052
All right. Hey, take it easy, man.
620
00:34:57,033 --> 00:34:59,058
He's thin, but sinewy and muscular.
621
00:34:59,169 --> 00:35:02,332
He's got a low center of gravity which
means he's fast like a jack rabbit.
622
00:35:02,438 --> 00:35:05,464
He didn't take a shower today
or yesterday. He's got bad breath.
623
00:35:05,575 --> 00:35:07,702
He's got a couple of cavities
which is not improving...
624
00:35:07,811 --> 00:35:09,836
This is serious. I thought
you were gonna go kick his ass.
625
00:35:09,946 --> 00:35:10,970
Yeah.
626
00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:13,344
Look at Tommy Trigger Finger.
You want the blood and the guts.
627
00:35:13,449 --> 00:35:14,882
Well, it doesn't work that way.
628
00:35:14,984 --> 00:35:16,576
I can't just kick his ass.
629
00:35:16,686 --> 00:35:20,622
Physically, I can,
but if you kick a bully's ass,
630
00:35:20,723 --> 00:35:22,953
then maybe you guys live till lunchtime.
631
00:35:23,059 --> 00:35:24,526
And then what?
632
00:35:24,627 --> 00:35:28,427
"Teach those victims how to kick
the bully's ass and they live forever."
633
00:35:28,531 --> 00:35:29,964
Steven Seagal.
634
00:35:30,066 --> 00:35:31,966
So you're gonna teach us
how to beat him up?
635
00:35:32,068 --> 00:35:35,469
- Like train us?
- So we're gonna beat up Filkins?
636
00:35:36,639 --> 00:35:40,473
What I'm about to show you are
top-secret black ops fighting moves.
637
00:35:40,577 --> 00:35:42,477
And it's all about technique.
638
00:35:42,579 --> 00:35:43,978
I don't care if you're talking about
639
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:49,143
karate, tai chi, kung fu, praying mantis,
640
00:35:49,285 --> 00:35:52,186
kung pao, Panda Express.
641
00:35:52,288 --> 00:35:55,519
It's all about technique.
I want you to watch my technique.
642
00:35:55,892 --> 00:35:58,520
It's pretty flawless.
Come on, Ryan, charge me.
643
00:35:58,628 --> 00:36:00,425
I'm serious. Try to kill me.
644
00:36:00,530 --> 00:36:03,294
Come on. You ready?
Go! Yeah. Come on.
645
00:36:03,399 --> 00:36:05,094
I got you!
646
00:36:06,002 --> 00:36:08,129
I got you! I got you!
647
00:36:11,741 --> 00:36:13,038
Damn it!
648
00:36:13,142 --> 00:36:17,738
Okay. Tripped right there.
That was the bear hug.
649
00:36:18,181 --> 00:36:20,945
Okay. Wade. Come on!
650
00:36:21,885 --> 00:36:23,284
Here you go! Watch the elbows!
651
00:36:23,386 --> 00:36:24,876
Don't! Stop!
652
00:36:24,988 --> 00:36:28,549
Okay. Last but not least. Charge me.
653
00:36:32,729 --> 00:36:34,356
Everyone, up! Circle me!
654
00:36:34,464 --> 00:36:36,796
Come on.
Let me see some fight from you.
655
00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:38,633
Okay, you guys ready for the blizzard?
656
00:36:38,735 --> 00:36:41,704
- Go get him, boys!
- Yeah. Go, get it, all three of you!
657
00:36:42,238 --> 00:36:46,698
I call truce! Truce! Back up! Three's
too many. Three's too many. Stop.
658
00:36:48,211 --> 00:36:50,679
Wow, one of you
really charley-horsed me.
659
00:36:50,780 --> 00:36:54,307
Okay.
Now it isn't all oriental martial arts.
660
00:36:54,417 --> 00:36:57,079
Sometimes you give
a little Mexican judo as in
661
00:36:57,186 --> 00:36:58,778
"Ju don't know who
you're messing with, homes."
662
00:36:58,888 --> 00:37:02,790
Come on, Ryan, one more. Last one!
Show me your mettle. Come on! Ole!
663
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:04,727
Wow!
664
00:37:05,862 --> 00:37:06,886
Ryan!
665
00:37:07,230 --> 00:37:08,891
Man down!
666
00:37:10,767 --> 00:37:11,734
Ryan!
667
00:37:13,670 --> 00:37:15,103
Was that my fault?
668
00:37:16,506 --> 00:37:19,304
Hey! Check this out.
669
00:37:19,409 --> 00:37:21,809
Dude! You fell like 60 feet.
670
00:37:22,512 --> 00:37:24,207
Jeez, that was crazy.
671
00:37:25,448 --> 00:37:26,506
What is this?
672
00:37:26,616 --> 00:37:28,015
This is a strategic outpost.
673
00:37:28,117 --> 00:37:30,085
I got these posted all over the city.
674
00:37:30,186 --> 00:37:31,517
Don't even look at it, okay?
675
00:37:31,621 --> 00:37:33,555
Now let's get back up there
and get to work.
676
00:37:33,656 --> 00:37:36,489
What's this for?
To wash your balls in the morning?
677
00:37:38,361 --> 00:37:40,522
No. Look like a squeegee to you?
678
00:37:40,630 --> 00:37:42,723
Or does it look like a weapon
with a straight edge
679
00:37:42,832 --> 00:37:45,164
and a little mop to clean up the blood?
680
00:37:46,669 --> 00:37:48,534
T-Dog, Emmit, this way.
681
00:37:48,638 --> 00:37:50,333
- Where's Drillbit?
- I don't know.
682
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:52,499
- Wait up.
- Should be right up here.
683
00:37:59,515 --> 00:38:00,777
Man down!
684
00:38:02,018 --> 00:38:03,610
Take this.
685
00:38:03,720 --> 00:38:05,085
- Take a swing at my head.
- Oh, no.
686
00:38:05,188 --> 00:38:06,985
Wade, come on. Just hit me.
687
00:38:07,090 --> 00:38:08,853
- But it'll hurt.
- Wade hit me.
688
00:38:08,958 --> 00:38:10,721
- I'll do it.
- Shut up.
689
00:38:14,931 --> 00:38:19,061
I feel no pain,
'cause I have a trained mind.
690
00:38:19,168 --> 00:38:20,135
- Go!
- Come on.
691
00:38:20,236 --> 00:38:22,636
- Let's beat it.
- Come on, come on, come on, let's go.
692
00:38:24,674 --> 00:38:27,905
- Hey, Drillbit. We could make s'mores!
- No.
693
00:38:28,011 --> 00:38:30,844
- How much does a Hug Me Bear cost?
- No.
694
00:38:31,447 --> 00:38:34,939
- Where'd you get the kids, Drillbit?
- I won them in a poker game.
695
00:38:35,685 --> 00:38:36,652
Order up!
696
00:38:36,753 --> 00:38:39,278
- How's this part of the training?
- It's called bulking up.
697
00:38:39,389 --> 00:38:41,983
- I'm already fat.
- Hey. You're not fat.
698
00:38:42,492 --> 00:38:43,720
I don't want to hear you say you're fat.
699
00:38:43,826 --> 00:38:49,321
Words like lard ass, fat pig, butterball,
landslide, mudslide.
700
00:38:49,432 --> 00:38:52,196
I don't want to hear that.
What are you tipping the scales at?
701
00:38:52,301 --> 00:38:53,768
180.
702
00:38:53,870 --> 00:38:54,996
What?
703
00:38:56,906 --> 00:38:57,998
Whenever you're ready, boys.
704
00:38:58,107 --> 00:38:59,267
Okay, one of you guys
got to pick this up,
705
00:38:59,375 --> 00:39:00,364
'cause I'm still on the clock.
706
00:39:03,246 --> 00:39:04,679
Filkins. Filkins.
707
00:39:04,781 --> 00:39:07,147
Avoidance technique!
Avoidance technique!
708
00:39:10,753 --> 00:39:12,220
Come out here, Capone!
You want to fight?
709
00:39:12,321 --> 00:39:13,948
You want to fight,
you and me, right here?
710
00:39:14,057 --> 00:39:15,854
This is very important. See that?
711
00:39:15,958 --> 00:39:17,653
What's the matter? Afraid to
come out from behind your men?
712
00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:19,250
- He has a holdback guy.
- Afraid to stand up for yourself?
713
00:39:19,362 --> 00:39:21,489
Now that allows people to think
that you want to fight
714
00:39:21,597 --> 00:39:22,962
when really he doesn't want to fight.
715
00:39:23,066 --> 00:39:24,897
You got nothing in court.
You don't got the bookkeeper.
716
00:39:25,001 --> 00:39:26,468
When I'm here I'm your holdback guy.
717
00:39:26,569 --> 00:39:28,503
So now you can act crazy.
718
00:39:28,671 --> 00:39:30,366
No, hey, hey, calm down.
719
00:39:34,277 --> 00:39:35,471
I'm gonna kill you!
720
00:39:35,578 --> 00:39:38,103
Hey, stop! Stop!
721
00:39:38,214 --> 00:39:39,579
Calm down.
722
00:39:39,682 --> 00:39:40,808
- Hoo-rah.
- Hoo-rah.
723
00:39:41,918 --> 00:39:43,783
Get under the wing.
724
00:39:46,756 --> 00:39:48,348
Put all the bills facing
the same direction.
725
00:39:48,458 --> 00:39:50,790
Yeah, don't worry about it, Don.
726
00:39:50,893 --> 00:39:53,020
I thought these kids were loaded.
727
00:39:53,296 --> 00:39:56,288
It's like all you read about are how
14-year-olds rule the marketplace,
728
00:39:56,399 --> 00:39:57,730
and look at this.
729
00:39:57,834 --> 00:40:01,235
Hardly got anything. You think this is
gonna get me to the Great White North?
730
00:40:01,337 --> 00:40:03,498
Allow me to make a point real quick.
731
00:40:03,739 --> 00:40:04,865
Hello, delicious.
732
00:40:04,974 --> 00:40:08,341
Drillbit? Do you know
why we come here every day?
733
00:40:09,545 --> 00:40:12,639
It's because these businessmen
can't eat all their food.
734
00:40:12,849 --> 00:40:14,908
They have more than they need.
735
00:40:15,017 --> 00:40:17,679
These kids are a lot like
these businessmen, okay?
736
00:40:17,787 --> 00:40:19,914
They have way more than they need.
737
00:40:20,022 --> 00:40:23,423
It's our job to go into their houses
and take all their excess.
738
00:40:23,526 --> 00:40:25,653
I get a kick out of these kids.
739
00:40:26,395 --> 00:40:29,125
I told you that little fat one
says some funny shit.
740
00:40:29,232 --> 00:40:30,756
I like these kids, too, man.
741
00:40:30,867 --> 00:40:33,927
I mean, from what I gather,
they're some pretty cool dudes.
742
00:40:34,036 --> 00:40:36,630
But if you like them,
you should think about helping them.
743
00:40:36,739 --> 00:40:38,798
- Lf you care about them.
- What do you mean?
744
00:40:38,908 --> 00:40:40,239
Steal their TV.
745
00:40:40,910 --> 00:40:42,639
Maybe they'll read a book.
746
00:40:42,745 --> 00:40:47,307
Steal their iPod. Heck, I don't know.
Maybe they'll learn to play the piano.
747
00:40:47,850 --> 00:40:49,374
They don't need all this crap.
748
00:40:49,485 --> 00:40:51,112
You think Mozart had a Game Boy?
749
00:40:51,220 --> 00:40:55,054
I didn't have it. Didn't hurt me.
I was outside playing, climbing trees.
750
00:40:55,158 --> 00:40:58,958
Yeah, man, me, too.
I'm still outside hanging around in trees.
751
00:40:59,896 --> 00:41:03,161
And the parents are never around.
There's no one there in the daytime.
752
00:41:03,266 --> 00:41:05,530
One big hit. It's all we need.
753
00:41:20,249 --> 00:41:21,443
Boobies.
754
00:41:29,825 --> 00:41:30,951
Penis!
755
00:41:34,297 --> 00:41:39,462
All right. Open your eyes, let your body
drift back into consciousness.
756
00:41:40,803 --> 00:41:46,673
Namaste. Thank you for your practice.
That concludes the meditation time.
757
00:41:47,076 --> 00:41:49,237
- Okay. How do you feel?
- I feel good.
758
00:41:49,345 --> 00:41:52,007
- Doing all right?
- Yeah. I think my biceps are coming in.
759
00:41:52,114 --> 00:41:53,342
Guns are coming in.
760
00:41:53,449 --> 00:41:55,713
Now, listen.
We're about 10% done with the training.
761
00:41:55,818 --> 00:41:56,807
- Next...
- 10%?
762
00:41:56,919 --> 00:41:59,786
Are you high?
We can't sit in the woods anymore.
763
00:41:59,889 --> 00:42:02,756
- We got to go back to school.
- Yeah, and I can't forge any more notes.
764
00:42:02,858 --> 00:42:05,156
How many diseases can a kid have?
765
00:42:11,767 --> 00:42:14,065
You guys think you're ready?
766
00:42:15,605 --> 00:42:18,096
You know,
I am really scared to go back.
767
00:42:18,207 --> 00:42:21,176
Look. If you're not ready to fight,
there is another alternative.
768
00:42:21,277 --> 00:42:22,335
But I got to be honest with you,
769
00:42:22,445 --> 00:42:25,778
only the strongest of warriors
can pull this one off.
770
00:42:27,183 --> 00:42:31,787
It's so difficult that most men
tremble at its mere thought.
771
00:42:32,421 --> 00:42:33,752
What is it?
772
00:42:33,889 --> 00:42:35,823
What the hell is it?
773
00:42:38,894 --> 00:42:40,122
Love him.
774
00:42:40,463 --> 00:42:42,454
- What?
- Love him.
775
00:42:42,565 --> 00:42:44,795
You know, I don't know
what's going through your head, Drillbit,
776
00:42:44,900 --> 00:42:46,959
but I'm not gonna bang him.
777
00:42:47,303 --> 00:42:48,964
When I'm talking about love,
I mean compassion.
778
00:42:49,071 --> 00:42:52,199
- I'm not going to...
- Shut up. And understanding.
779
00:42:53,476 --> 00:42:54,841
Find your commonality.
780
00:42:54,944 --> 00:42:58,107
Let him know you're more alike
than different.
781
00:42:58,981 --> 00:43:01,040
Maybe that'll put out his fuse.
782
00:43:02,918 --> 00:43:04,146
And remember, guys,
783
00:43:04,253 --> 00:43:07,120
just because you don't see me
doesn't mean I'm not there.
784
00:43:07,223 --> 00:43:11,284
I'll be there like a silent,
deadly poltergeist.
785
00:43:11,394 --> 00:43:12,361
- Thanks.
- Okay.
786
00:43:12,461 --> 00:43:13,655
All right, see you later, Drillbit.
787
00:43:13,763 --> 00:43:15,424
Remember, you're under my wing.
788
00:43:19,535 --> 00:43:20,695
Oh, no.
789
00:43:20,803 --> 00:43:23,101
There he is. Should we hide?
790
00:43:23,205 --> 00:43:26,038
No. We've been running
and hiding all week.
791
00:43:26,142 --> 00:43:29,236
This is what Drillbit's been
talking about, finding commonalities.
792
00:43:29,345 --> 00:43:33,213
He's rapping. You love to rap!
You can do this!
793
00:43:33,482 --> 00:43:34,471
No, I can't.
794
00:43:34,583 --> 00:43:36,608
Yes, you can. It's just like in 8 Mile.
He'll respect you.
795
00:43:36,719 --> 00:43:38,448
No, man, I'm afraid of him. I can't!
796
00:43:38,554 --> 00:43:41,022
- You're crazy! Don't do it.
- You can do it, Ryan.
797
00:43:41,123 --> 00:43:42,818
- I believe in you.
- Don't.
798
00:43:43,659 --> 00:43:47,060
All right. I can do it. I can do it.
799
00:43:48,331 --> 00:43:50,959
- Whassup, whassup?
- Whassup?
800
00:43:53,302 --> 00:43:55,964
I wanna rap with you.
Hey, flip the script, Ronnie.
801
00:43:56,072 --> 00:43:57,300
Hit that beat.
802
00:43:57,573 --> 00:43:59,973
- Yo, this cool, Fil?
- Sure, whatever.
803
00:44:01,844 --> 00:44:03,675
Yo, call me whatever you want
804
00:44:03,779 --> 00:44:06,304
but you know I gets busy I'm so badass
805
00:44:06,449 --> 00:44:09,009
I'm the king of Vice City
Like the Buddha, I'm Zen
806
00:44:09,118 --> 00:44:11,348
Like Beckham, I bend, I tell suckers
807
00:44:11,454 --> 00:44:13,445
"Say hello to my little friend"
808
00:44:14,390 --> 00:44:15,652
Snap! This guy!
809
00:44:17,660 --> 00:44:21,391
Hey, meatball, where's your spaghetti?
Your rapping's like a nightmare
810
00:44:21,497 --> 00:44:23,089
But I don't see Freddy
You best
811
00:44:23,199 --> 00:44:25,929
not even try to spit rhymes, dude
'Cause when you spit
812
00:44:26,035 --> 00:44:28,526
all I ever see is chewed-up food
813
00:44:29,038 --> 00:44:30,630
Yeah, that's how we roll!
That's how we do!
814
00:44:30,740 --> 00:44:31,729
Hold on!
815
00:44:31,841 --> 00:44:33,138
I know you didn't just go there
816
00:44:33,242 --> 00:44:36,268
I got more skills than you
in my one and only nut hair
817
00:44:36,545 --> 00:44:37,876
Nice, man, nice.
818
00:44:38,481 --> 00:44:41,143
So you better step off
before you insult me and mine
819
00:44:41,250 --> 00:44:43,912
'Cause if you decide to step on, see
I'm like a land mine
820
00:44:44,019 --> 00:44:45,316
Boom!
821
00:44:47,890 --> 00:44:50,586
Oh, my God, look
it's a punkass rapping
822
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:53,194
He say one more word
I'm gonna have to bitch-slap him
823
00:44:53,295 --> 00:44:55,957
So surprised you're moving
ass is so damn fat
824
00:44:56,065 --> 00:44:59,330
You're lucky I don't hit you
with my Wiffle, Wiffle Ball bat
825
00:44:59,869 --> 00:45:02,929
Can't hurt my head with a bat
I'm the Incredible Hulk
826
00:45:03,038 --> 00:45:06,439
I'm like Costco
I'm serving ass kickings in bulk
827
00:45:06,542 --> 00:45:09,204
You don't like my words
Mister King of the School?
828
00:45:09,311 --> 00:45:12,474
Well, guess what?
You can suck on my family's jewels
829
00:45:12,615 --> 00:45:13,946
Bitch!
830
00:45:22,725 --> 00:45:24,784
That was awesome.
831
00:45:24,894 --> 00:45:26,191
What have I just done?
832
00:45:26,295 --> 00:45:27,853
Hey, that was amazing. I mean,
833
00:45:27,963 --> 00:45:29,453
telling him to suck on
your two family jewels
834
00:45:29,565 --> 00:45:31,260
was in questionable taste, but still...
835
00:45:31,367 --> 00:45:33,665
I know, I got caught up
in the moment, okay?
836
00:45:33,769 --> 00:45:35,862
Keep walking.
I don't want to get shot like Tupac.
837
00:45:35,971 --> 00:45:38,906
You know, most of those people
were cheering for you.
838
00:45:39,008 --> 00:45:42,034
Really? That could be good.
Maybe Drillbit was right.
839
00:45:46,148 --> 00:45:47,809
Think you're so funny?
840
00:45:47,917 --> 00:45:50,943
Good. 'Cause you're not gonna laugh
when you're dead.
841
00:45:51,053 --> 00:45:54,284
You're gonna get it now,
worse than ever.
842
00:45:54,523 --> 00:45:55,615
All of you.
843
00:45:56,425 --> 00:45:58,950
Ryan, holdback technique.
844
00:45:59,562 --> 00:46:01,689
You don't like the fact that
he's better than you, Filkins!
845
00:46:01,797 --> 00:46:04,288
You better back the hell off before I...
846
00:46:08,170 --> 00:46:13,301
- Thanks for holding him for me.
- Holy crap, you guys are retarded!
847
00:46:16,979 --> 00:46:18,913
How did he do so much damage
with one punch?
848
00:46:19,014 --> 00:46:21,244
It's like his fist is the size
of your whole face.
849
00:46:21,350 --> 00:46:23,181
I guess it's true.
850
00:46:23,285 --> 00:46:24,513
Rap really does promote violence.
851
00:46:24,620 --> 00:46:27,088
Yeah, but the question is, where was
Drillbit when we needed him?
852
00:46:27,189 --> 00:46:28,781
Maybe he got called to the black ops.
853
00:46:28,891 --> 00:46:30,654
Wade, come on.
You really believe that garbage?
854
00:46:30,759 --> 00:46:32,818
There's my little soldiers.
855
00:46:34,430 --> 00:46:36,364
There are my pooper troopers.
856
00:46:36,465 --> 00:46:40,401
Hey, sorry I missed that walkie-talkie
call. I had something come...
857
00:46:42,104 --> 00:46:45,267
- What the hell happened to you?
- Filkins punched me.
858
00:46:46,141 --> 00:46:48,371
- Filkins did that to you?
- Yeah.
859
00:46:48,477 --> 00:46:49,637
Where were you?
860
00:46:49,745 --> 00:46:51,940
- With one punch?
- Where were you?
861
00:46:52,848 --> 00:46:56,045
- Oh, crap. I'm sorry.
- Stop.
862
00:46:56,185 --> 00:46:58,380
- No, just let me get the blood off.
- No. Stop.
863
00:46:58,487 --> 00:47:00,614
Man. Here, sit down for a second.
864
00:47:00,723 --> 00:47:03,453
- Crap. It looks painful.
- Yeah, it is.
865
00:47:03,926 --> 00:47:05,621
- Here, let me put a little pressure on it.
- No.
866
00:47:05,728 --> 00:47:07,320
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
867
00:47:07,429 --> 00:47:09,124
Ryan had a rap off with Filkins.
868
00:47:09,231 --> 00:47:11,961
- You had a rap off?
- You said to find common ground.
869
00:47:12,067 --> 00:47:15,230
He said he was like Costco,
serving up ass kickings in bulk.
870
00:47:15,337 --> 00:47:17,430
That's what you said?
That's not common ground.
871
00:47:17,540 --> 00:47:19,269
Even though it's funny.
872
00:47:19,375 --> 00:47:21,570
That's not exactly what I meant
when I said common ground.
873
00:47:21,677 --> 00:47:24,475
Why didn't you get punched?
Why'd he slug you?
874
00:47:24,580 --> 00:47:26,571
'Cause of your brilliant
holdback technique.
875
00:47:26,682 --> 00:47:29,446
The holdback technique?
You really tried that?
876
00:47:29,552 --> 00:47:33,147
Yeah. Bottom line is
your advice backfired.
877
00:47:33,255 --> 00:47:34,847
Now we're more screwed than ever.
878
00:47:34,957 --> 00:47:37,118
All because you wanted to protect
the hobbit over here.
879
00:47:37,226 --> 00:47:38,750
- Hey, let's just stop for a second.
- I am not a hobbit.
880
00:47:38,861 --> 00:47:40,658
- You're a damn hobbit, okay?
- I am not!
881
00:47:40,763 --> 00:47:44,392
Hold it! Hey.
Emmit's not a hobbit, I don't think.
882
00:47:45,467 --> 00:47:46,991
Problem isn't the holdback technique,
883
00:47:47,102 --> 00:47:50,230
although I don't think you guys
had it perfected enough to try.
884
00:47:50,339 --> 00:47:51,931
The problem is Randy
starts rapping insults.
885
00:47:52,041 --> 00:47:54,942
It's not Randy! Okay? It's Ryan!
886
00:47:55,044 --> 00:47:59,378
And all this talk about you being there
when you're not there, it's bull! Okay?
887
00:47:59,882 --> 00:48:01,747
I'm tired of your nonsense! You're fired!
888
00:48:01,850 --> 00:48:06,048
Hey! Sit down here.
Sit down here for a second.
889
00:48:06,155 --> 00:48:10,785
All of you, sit down. You take the bass
out of your voice when you talk to me.
890
00:48:11,460 --> 00:48:13,428
Now, we just completed phase one.
891
00:48:13,529 --> 00:48:16,191
See if this guy has any mettle.
And guess what we found out?
892
00:48:16,298 --> 00:48:19,893
Filkins does have some mettle.
So now we move to phase two.
893
00:48:20,002 --> 00:48:23,438
Know what phase two is?
Direct contact.
894
00:48:23,606 --> 00:48:27,201
That's where I come in.
Because I will not let this happen again,
895
00:48:27,309 --> 00:48:29,209
if I can help it.
896
00:48:29,311 --> 00:48:31,006
So what's the plan?
897
00:48:31,113 --> 00:48:32,580
- The plan?
- Yeah.
898
00:48:36,318 --> 00:48:38,343
How early do you guys
have to get up for school?
899
00:48:38,454 --> 00:48:39,443
- 7:00.
- 7:00.
900
00:48:39,555 --> 00:48:43,958
Oh, God. Okay.
Tomorrow, we all go in together.
901
00:48:51,166 --> 00:48:54,158
Hey, Wade, what's up?
902
00:48:55,371 --> 00:48:56,736
Where'd you get the shiner?
903
00:48:56,839 --> 00:48:58,966
Come in here, boy. Talk to me.
904
00:49:02,177 --> 00:49:04,645
I was protecting this one kid
in my school
905
00:49:04,747 --> 00:49:07,648
from a bunch of bullies
and one of them punched me.
906
00:49:07,750 --> 00:49:10,878
What? Why would you protect
the kid from a bully?
907
00:49:11,120 --> 00:49:14,021
So he doesn't get beat up.
908
00:49:14,390 --> 00:49:16,984
Then you're interfering
with the natural order.
909
00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:20,351
When I was a kid, I was kind of a bully.
910
00:49:20,462 --> 00:49:23,625
But it's not a bad thing. There was
this kid. I don't know what it was.
911
00:49:23,732 --> 00:49:27,691
Maybe it was his stupid face.
But he'd just really get under my skin.
912
00:49:27,803 --> 00:49:30,772
So I pushed him around a little bit,
called him some hurtful names,
913
00:49:30,873 --> 00:49:34,240
and I honestly think, if I met him today,
he'd thank me for it.
914
00:49:34,343 --> 00:49:37,176
I prepared him for the harshness
of the real world.
915
00:49:38,447 --> 00:49:39,744
Thanks, Jim.
916
00:49:39,848 --> 00:49:43,113
I'm a resource, Wade.
You should use me more often.
917
00:49:46,088 --> 00:49:47,521
Is it locked?
918
00:49:48,123 --> 00:49:49,852
- You got lunch money?
- Yep.
919
00:49:50,125 --> 00:49:52,286
- You got any tests today?
- See you and the questions.
920
00:49:52,394 --> 00:49:55,124
Don't fresh-off to any of your teachers.
921
00:49:55,597 --> 00:49:58,157
All right, come here,
give mommy a kiss.
922
00:49:58,267 --> 00:50:00,497
Come on, punky-wunky. I love you.
923
00:50:04,373 --> 00:50:05,897
- Okay.
- Be good.
924
00:50:09,044 --> 00:50:11,808
- Bye. I love you.
- Bye. I love you, Mommy!
925
00:50:11,914 --> 00:50:13,677
"I love you, Mommy."
926
00:50:15,617 --> 00:50:17,278
Black ops in the hizzouse.
927
00:50:17,386 --> 00:50:19,786
This old soldier could use
a kissy from mommy.
928
00:50:19,888 --> 00:50:21,549
Come on.
I'm going in to the school today.
929
00:50:21,657 --> 00:50:23,716
Drillbit is going in. Very visible.
Let's do it.
930
00:50:23,826 --> 00:50:25,953
- You can't go in there looking like that.
- Why?
931
00:50:26,061 --> 00:50:27,961
You look like Crocodile Dundee
or something.
932
00:50:28,063 --> 00:50:29,758
Screw you. What're you talking about?
933
00:50:29,865 --> 00:50:31,196
I'm just saying we need to clean you up.
934
00:50:31,300 --> 00:50:34,133
Wrong. This soldier doesn't clean up.
What you see is what you get.
935
00:50:34,236 --> 00:50:36,033
Drillbit, you just don't look
like a teacher.
936
00:50:36,138 --> 00:50:38,436
I mean, we need you to blend in.
The camouflage technique.
937
00:50:38,540 --> 00:50:40,770
- In my house. Come on.
- Let's go.
938
00:50:40,909 --> 00:50:43,469
"Camouflage technique"? I like that.
939
00:50:43,679 --> 00:50:48,810
...if I remember how to do this.
It really is strong enough for a man.
940
00:50:59,161 --> 00:51:01,823
Did your dad leave any socks behind?
941
00:51:02,831 --> 00:51:06,267
How many tardies can you have
before they give you a detention?
942
00:51:08,237 --> 00:51:10,439
Emmit, you're drying my eyeballs.
943
00:51:13,809 --> 00:51:17,711
All right, here's our class schedules
and a detailed map of the school.
944
00:51:17,813 --> 00:51:20,782
We have the first class together,
so just meet us by the Life Skills room
945
00:51:20,883 --> 00:51:21,975
so you can walk us to our lockers.
946
00:51:22,084 --> 00:51:23,847
Okay, now, remember,
I'm not just gonna walk in there
947
00:51:23,952 --> 00:51:26,216
and start kicking ass, okay?
I got to protect you guys,
948
00:51:26,321 --> 00:51:28,755
but I need to blend in and lay low.
949
00:51:28,857 --> 00:51:33,317
I'm gonna be visible to you guys,
but invisible to everyone else.
950
00:51:40,536 --> 00:51:44,905
That's a look that says,
"I have no idea what I'm doing here."
951
00:51:47,142 --> 00:51:50,236
All first-time subs have it.
Welcome to McKinley!
952
00:51:51,914 --> 00:51:55,315
- Thanks. Was it that obvious?
- Well, yeah, a little bit.
953
00:51:56,451 --> 00:51:57,577
Whoa!
954
00:51:57,886 --> 00:52:01,322
Not you kids. Please, go to class.
Go, go, go. Get away from me.
955
00:52:02,157 --> 00:52:04,990
You, second floor, teachers' lounge.
956
00:52:05,093 --> 00:52:07,084
They'll give you your assignment
up there. It's right over there.
957
00:52:07,196 --> 00:52:09,858
- I'm gonna head up there. Okay.
- Yep? You got it.
958
00:52:18,740 --> 00:52:20,230
How're you doing?
959
00:52:22,177 --> 00:52:25,510
Teachers' lounge. They're all the same.
960
00:52:27,983 --> 00:52:30,747
Put your names on the food. Smart.
961
00:52:31,453 --> 00:52:32,477
Sneaky.
962
00:52:34,089 --> 00:52:36,649
- See Grey's Anatomy last night?
- Yeah.
963
00:52:38,193 --> 00:52:39,421
- Hey, Lis.
- Hi.
964
00:52:39,528 --> 00:52:41,393
Got half an orange with your name on it.
965
00:52:41,496 --> 00:52:42,963
Oh, no, thanks.
966
00:52:57,980 --> 00:53:01,074
- Can I help you?
- No. With what?
967
00:53:01,783 --> 00:53:04,411
- Are you lost?
- No. Why?
968
00:53:04,953 --> 00:53:08,480
- You look like a lost parent.
- No.
969
00:53:08,624 --> 00:53:11,525
No. I'm a substitute.
970
00:53:13,495 --> 00:53:17,693
- For what?
- For whatever needs substituting.
971
00:53:19,401 --> 00:53:23,497
Yeah, they'll just plug me in.
I think I'm just gonna wait here until,
972
00:53:23,605 --> 00:53:26,699
you know, if they need me in
French, then that's where I'll go.
973
00:53:26,808 --> 00:53:29,504
- You know French?
- A little bit. Yeah.
974
00:53:29,611 --> 00:53:33,274
Enough to get by,
or enough to teach these animals.
975
00:53:35,317 --> 00:53:37,512
- What do you teach?
- English.
976
00:53:38,320 --> 00:53:39,651
My native tongue.
977
00:53:43,425 --> 00:53:44,983
I'm Lisa Zachey.
978
00:53:46,795 --> 00:53:49,286
Now is that Miss or Missus Zachey?
979
00:53:49,398 --> 00:53:54,768
- Miss.
- Miss. It had to be. Enchante.
980
00:53:56,838 --> 00:53:58,772
And who are you?
981
00:53:58,974 --> 00:54:01,465
Drill... Dr. Illbit.
982
00:54:02,411 --> 00:54:03,378
Oh.
983
00:54:03,478 --> 00:54:04,706
- Yeah.
- A doctor.
984
00:54:04,813 --> 00:54:08,510
Teacher. Teacher and a doctor.
Just want to help.
985
00:54:08,617 --> 00:54:12,644
People don't care how I do it.
Just give me a chance to help.
986
00:54:12,955 --> 00:54:16,789
- You want some hot coffee?
- Only in the worst way.
987
00:54:19,328 --> 00:54:21,853
Who can give me
another name for gonorrhea?
988
00:54:24,866 --> 00:54:26,265
That's a little hint.
989
00:54:26,368 --> 00:54:30,771
That's right, the clap. Or the drip.
990
00:54:31,206 --> 00:54:33,174
All right, Dane? Get the lights.
991
00:54:33,275 --> 00:54:38,269
In the male, the bacteria of gonorrhea
usually enters by way of the urethra.
992
00:54:38,380 --> 00:54:41,406
From two to five days later,
the guy feels a painful burning,
993
00:54:41,516 --> 00:54:43,245
particularly when he urinates...
994
00:54:43,352 --> 00:54:45,650
They make these things to scare us.
I'm not scared of this.
995
00:54:45,754 --> 00:54:48,723
...looks like this.
996
00:54:48,957 --> 00:54:53,291
- I really like your suit.
- Yeah. I really like your everything.
997
00:54:53,395 --> 00:54:54,919
Now what do we do?
998
00:54:55,030 --> 00:54:57,521
Not many teachers
can afford a suit like that.
999
00:54:57,632 --> 00:54:59,566
- Yeah?
- Lf he wants to eat.
1000
00:55:00,736 --> 00:55:02,966
Well, I mainly eat out of a dumpster.
1001
00:55:05,140 --> 00:55:07,165
I should try that.
I need some new dresses.
1002
00:55:07,275 --> 00:55:11,234
Don't. Or if you do, stay away from
the one at Ocean and Wilshire.
1003
00:55:11,346 --> 00:55:15,112
That's mine. Seriously, stay out of it.
1004
00:55:16,451 --> 00:55:19,420
- What are we doing? Let's go.
- I don't know.
1005
00:55:19,521 --> 00:55:21,386
You're a bad boy.
1006
00:55:21,723 --> 00:55:25,215
- Maybe I need a detention.
- You're funny.
1007
00:55:26,395 --> 00:55:29,159
- I'm not joking.
- Me, either.
1008
00:55:35,937 --> 00:55:38,303
Look, I want nothing more
than to spend the rest of the day
1009
00:55:38,407 --> 00:55:40,671
sitting on this couch with you,
1010
00:55:40,776 --> 00:55:44,473
but I got to get to class because
my students need me. Okay?
1011
00:55:44,613 --> 00:55:48,344
No. You still have five minutes
before the next class.
1012
00:55:48,683 --> 00:55:49,672
We do?
1013
00:55:49,785 --> 00:55:53,983
And you seem like someone who could
accomplish a lot in five minutes.
1014
00:55:54,356 --> 00:55:56,153
I hope so.
1015
00:55:56,258 --> 00:55:59,352
Although five minutes
might be four too many.
1016
00:56:02,931 --> 00:56:04,626
Let's go, let's go!
1017
00:56:04,733 --> 00:56:07,327
We really like Life Skills.
Can we just stay in the room, maybe?
1018
00:56:07,436 --> 00:56:09,597
Why don't you practice
some life skills out here in the hallway?
1019
00:56:09,704 --> 00:56:11,296
It's just as important.
1020
00:56:12,240 --> 00:56:13,229
Okay, where is he?
1021
00:56:13,341 --> 00:56:16,174
This is bull. Maybe I should
just beat the crap out of you two.
1022
00:56:16,278 --> 00:56:18,143
There's Brooke!
1023
00:56:23,185 --> 00:56:24,652
Oh, no. There he is.
1024
00:56:31,359 --> 00:56:32,553
I think I'd better get...
1025
00:56:32,661 --> 00:56:34,151
When are you free? I want to see you.
1026
00:56:34,262 --> 00:56:36,423
- I have sixth period free.
- Sixth period? Okay.
1027
00:56:36,531 --> 00:56:38,192
I think I have that period free, also.
1028
00:56:38,300 --> 00:56:40,131
Why don't we meet back here? Okay?
1029
00:56:40,235 --> 00:56:41,725
- Okay.
- Meet me right here?
1030
00:56:41,837 --> 00:56:43,327
I'll keep the couch warm.
1031
00:56:43,438 --> 00:56:46,407
We better check the tags to make sure
this couch is flame retardant.
1032
00:56:46,508 --> 00:56:47,805
- I will.
- You know?
1033
00:56:47,976 --> 00:56:49,773
You know what I mean?
Flame retardant?
1034
00:56:49,878 --> 00:56:51,436
- Yes.
- 'Cause you're hot.
1035
00:56:53,014 --> 00:56:55,574
Where is Life Skills?
1036
00:56:58,053 --> 00:57:00,283
Drillbit, come in, please!
Where are you?
1037
00:57:00,388 --> 00:57:01,377
Drillbit, come in!
1038
00:57:01,490 --> 00:57:04,015
I don't know!
I can't understand Emmit's map!
1039
00:57:04,526 --> 00:57:07,586
- Go, go, go!
- Come on, Emmit. Come on.
1040
00:57:08,029 --> 00:57:11,089
- Crap!
- I knew Drillbit was a fraud.
1041
00:57:11,199 --> 00:57:13,292
- I told you!
- He's gonna be here!
1042
00:57:13,401 --> 00:57:14,595
Life Skills!
1043
00:57:14,769 --> 00:57:17,363
I need Life Skills!
1044
00:57:17,939 --> 00:57:19,338
Out of my way!
1045
00:57:26,848 --> 00:57:29,408
Open the door!
1046
00:57:29,551 --> 00:57:30,882
How is that up to code?
1047
00:57:30,986 --> 00:57:33,318
Excuse me!
Mordor Castle coming through!
1048
00:57:36,358 --> 00:57:39,020
Excuse me!
Mordor Castle coming through!
1049
00:57:50,972 --> 00:57:53,031
This is real! This is not a drill.
1050
00:57:53,141 --> 00:57:55,006
Everybody, clear the hall!
1051
00:57:55,110 --> 00:57:57,874
That means you! Let's go!
Clear the hall!
1052
00:58:00,382 --> 00:58:02,646
The freak actually came through, huh?
1053
00:58:03,952 --> 00:58:05,146
Awesome!
1054
00:58:12,561 --> 00:58:14,324
- Hoo-rah.
- Hoo-rah.
1055
00:58:16,565 --> 00:58:17,862
All right.
1056
00:58:26,775 --> 00:58:28,800
Mister Filkins!
Why don't you just come up
1057
00:58:28,910 --> 00:58:31,674
to the front of the class and read from
1058
00:58:31,780 --> 00:58:34,271
The Collected Works
of the Romantic Poets?
1059
00:58:39,120 --> 00:58:41,486
"I like kissing this and that of you
1060
00:58:41,590 --> 00:58:46,584
"I like slowly stroking the shocking fuzz"
1061
00:58:50,732 --> 00:58:54,168
Hey, aren't you the guy that
kicked Filkins' butt freestyling?
1062
00:58:55,003 --> 00:58:57,528
You better believe it.
They call me T-Dog.
1063
00:58:57,672 --> 00:59:01,267
- Wow, that's cool.
- He is so cute!
1064
00:59:01,376 --> 00:59:02,343
Wow.
1065
00:59:02,444 --> 00:59:04,708
Wade, this is Drillbit. Come in. Wade?
1066
00:59:05,313 --> 00:59:08,009
- Yeah?
- Filkins is heading east down the stairs.
1067
00:59:08,116 --> 00:59:10,676
The first stairwell. He's coming
down now. Watch your ass.
1068
00:59:10,785 --> 00:59:12,309
Read you. Copy. Roger.
1069
00:59:12,420 --> 00:59:15,321
F.Y.I., I just heard this pack of girls
yapping, and your girl, Brooke,
1070
00:59:15,423 --> 00:59:19,189
just got cast in Romeo and Juliet.
You might want to check that out.
1071
00:59:19,661 --> 00:59:23,688
Madam, madam, your lady mother
is coming to your chamber!
1072
00:59:24,666 --> 00:59:27,328
The day is broke, be wary, look about.
1073
00:59:30,572 --> 00:59:33,905
Come on! You're dogging it!
Faster! Faster!
1074
00:59:34,009 --> 00:59:35,810
Go! I want to see some more!
1075
00:59:36,077 --> 00:59:41,276
Go! Come on!
Let's go! Let's go! One more!
1076
00:59:41,416 --> 00:59:43,281
And you guys!
I don't want you just watching!
1077
00:59:43,385 --> 00:59:45,945
Do some bass fishing! Then reel it in!
1078
00:59:46,054 --> 00:59:47,112
Come on!
1079
00:59:47,222 --> 00:59:49,747
Let's go, keep going!
Work some thumbs!
1080
00:59:49,858 --> 00:59:51,519
For texting!
1081
00:59:53,261 --> 00:59:54,489
Look out, huh?
1082
00:59:54,863 --> 00:59:58,765
- How was school, Professor?
- It is great.
1083
00:59:59,301 --> 01:00:03,135
And as long as you got a coffee cup
in your hand, nobody says anything.
1084
01:00:05,874 --> 01:00:07,637
I was thinking
about writing a paper on...
1085
01:00:07,742 --> 01:00:09,232
- Hey!
- What the...
1086
01:00:09,344 --> 01:00:10,368
Coffee cup.
1087
01:00:10,478 --> 01:00:13,208
Now, Castro,
he knew that he was not gonna get
1088
01:00:13,315 --> 01:00:15,112
any action with Marilyn Monroe.
1089
01:00:15,216 --> 01:00:17,616
And that is why John F. Kennedy
was shot.
1090
01:00:22,023 --> 01:00:25,322
- Don!
- Hello, fellow teacher.
1091
01:00:31,166 --> 01:00:33,259
Come on, guys, hit the showers!
1092
01:00:34,836 --> 01:00:38,829
Look, my rope's too short.
I can't get down.
1093
01:00:38,940 --> 01:00:41,909
Where you going? Get back here!
1094
01:00:42,744 --> 01:00:45,212
- Yo, hold on!
- What is this?
1095
01:00:45,313 --> 01:00:47,543
Ronnie, let yourself down.
1096
01:00:58,793 --> 01:01:03,628
Happy birthday, Dr. Illbit
1097
01:01:03,732 --> 01:01:08,829
Happy birthday to you
1098
01:01:57,552 --> 01:02:01,454
Hey, T-Dog. You've got to admit
hiring Drillbit was a good idea.
1099
01:02:01,556 --> 01:02:03,251
- Okay, you're right.
- See?
1100
01:02:03,425 --> 01:02:06,792
The freak's actually worth all the money
we're spending on him, I guess.
1101
01:02:06,895 --> 01:02:08,385
Good morning.
1102
01:02:08,763 --> 01:02:12,221
- Great coffee this morning, Dr. Illbit.
- Enjoy it.
1103
01:02:12,767 --> 01:02:15,133
- You know, I really like it here.
- You're doing a great job, Drillbit.
1104
01:02:15,236 --> 01:02:16,362
I know I am.
1105
01:02:16,638 --> 01:02:18,435
Come here, come here, come here.
1106
01:02:18,973 --> 01:02:21,066
Okay, quick. Pop quiz. You like a girl.
1107
01:02:21,176 --> 01:02:22,837
You're completely shocked
that she likes you.
1108
01:02:22,944 --> 01:02:25,970
Things are already just crazy hot,
just loco.
1109
01:02:26,114 --> 01:02:28,105
But now you'd like to ask her out.
1110
01:02:28,216 --> 01:02:31,379
And you're not sure if
she's just in it for the sex.
1111
01:02:31,486 --> 01:02:33,647
And you haven't been
on a date in forever.
1112
01:02:33,755 --> 01:02:35,279
And you're a little bit afraid,
1113
01:02:35,390 --> 01:02:37,187
and you don't know
what the hell you're doing, anyway.
1114
01:02:37,292 --> 01:02:38,816
Well, I can't really relate to that,
1115
01:02:38,927 --> 01:02:41,452
but what I would do is just
join every club she's in
1116
01:02:41,563 --> 01:02:44,123
and eventually work up
the nerve to talk to her.
1117
01:02:44,232 --> 01:02:46,700
- And how's that working for you?
- Not at all.
1118
01:02:46,801 --> 01:02:49,269
Okay, look. One should do the opposite.
1119
01:02:49,370 --> 01:02:50,997
- Yeah, probably.
- Okay.
1120
01:02:51,439 --> 01:02:55,375
Congratulations, you just passed.
Hey, scram. Scram. Crotch blocker.
1121
01:02:58,580 --> 01:02:59,706
- Hey.
- Hey.
1122
01:02:59,814 --> 01:03:02,339
- Look, you look pretty.
- Thank you.
1123
01:03:02,817 --> 01:03:04,444
You know,
I haven't been on a lot of dates,
1124
01:03:04,552 --> 01:03:07,248
and I really don't know the way
this is supposed to work,
1125
01:03:07,355 --> 01:03:08,845
because we kind of skipped that part.
1126
01:03:08,957 --> 01:03:13,326
But would you ever want to get together
after school and maybe hang out?
1127
01:03:15,063 --> 01:03:16,360
I'm sorry.
1128
01:03:16,764 --> 01:03:21,326
Rule 35A in the teacher's manual states
that you cannot date other teachers.
1129
01:03:22,103 --> 01:03:26,767
Oh, really. Yeah.
Probably a good policy.
1130
01:03:27,175 --> 01:03:28,233
Yeah.
1131
01:03:28,543 --> 01:03:31,137
So it's a good thing you're a doctor.
1132
01:03:33,781 --> 01:03:35,339
So, yes.
1133
01:03:38,119 --> 01:03:40,417
- I'll see you tonight?
- Okay.
1134
01:03:41,489 --> 01:03:44,652
The Battle of Sekigahara
1135
01:03:45,126 --> 01:03:49,586
when Kanetsugu mocked
Tokunaga's abuses,
1136
01:03:50,064 --> 01:03:53,295
which only infuriated Tokunaga
1137
01:03:54,068 --> 01:04:00,667
who then summoned Toyotomi
and united Japan.
1138
01:04:01,175 --> 01:04:03,643
And kept the local feudal lords
from warring.
1139
01:04:03,745 --> 01:04:06,578
Hey. What are you doing in this club?
1140
01:04:06,681 --> 01:04:08,114
I'm Asian.
1141
01:04:08,216 --> 01:04:09,706
He died. Then...
1142
01:04:09,817 --> 01:04:12,217
- No, you aren't.
- Yeah. A little bit.
1143
01:04:12,887 --> 01:04:13,854
Really?
1144
01:04:15,590 --> 01:04:18,616
- You don't even look a little Asian.
- Yeah, I know.
1145
01:04:19,527 --> 01:04:21,461
The West attacked first.
1146
01:04:22,263 --> 01:04:25,858
So how come I see you in, like,
so many activities I'm in?
1147
01:04:27,101 --> 01:04:30,901
Just... I joined some of the clubs
you were in because
1148
01:04:31,005 --> 01:04:32,905
I wanted to have a chance to talk to you.
1149
01:04:33,007 --> 01:04:38,309
Wakisaka, 990 men.
Ankokuji, 1,800 men.
1150
01:04:38,947 --> 01:04:41,814
So you're not Asian.
1151
01:04:41,916 --> 01:04:42,883
No.
1152
01:04:44,519 --> 01:04:47,386
Well, maybe somewhere way back.
1153
01:04:47,655 --> 01:04:52,490
Chosokabe, 6,600 men.
This is exciting, don't you think?
1154
01:04:52,627 --> 01:04:53,992
All these men.
1155
01:04:54,128 --> 01:04:56,096
Well, you can't quit now.
1156
01:04:56,197 --> 01:04:58,256
I'm gonna make you come
to all our meetings.
1157
01:04:58,366 --> 01:05:00,459
Membership is way down this year.
1158
01:05:00,568 --> 01:05:02,263
Okay. I can do that.
1159
01:05:03,338 --> 01:05:07,365
- Is everything okay at school?
- Yeah. Everything's fine. I'm busy.
1160
01:05:07,475 --> 01:05:11,536
Honey, I know there's a lot of pressure
on kids once they get to high school.
1161
01:05:11,646 --> 01:05:13,273
And there are kids who are gonna
want to be your friend,
1162
01:05:13,381 --> 01:05:15,975
but they'll also want you
to take their drugs.
1163
01:05:16,684 --> 01:05:19,118
I just noticed that you seem
to be out of money a lot lately,
1164
01:05:19,220 --> 01:05:21,552
and I want to make sure
you're not spending your money on that.
1165
01:05:21,656 --> 01:05:24,284
No! I'm not doing drugs, Mom.
I promise.
1166
01:05:24,392 --> 01:05:26,587
Coach says drugs are for losers.
1167
01:05:28,129 --> 01:05:29,824
You sure you're not high?
1168
01:05:30,665 --> 01:05:31,632
No!
1169
01:05:31,733 --> 01:05:33,530
Well, I notice you're really going
at your food.
1170
01:05:33,635 --> 01:05:36,900
- Got the munchies?
- Anyways, we just worry about you.
1171
01:05:37,405 --> 01:05:38,497
I understand that.
1172
01:05:38,606 --> 01:05:42,064
Also, I'm missing a silver platter
that was in the living room.
1173
01:05:42,176 --> 01:05:44,041
- Have you seen it?
- I'm taking Home Ec.
1174
01:05:44,145 --> 01:05:46,340
We needed serving trays
for appetizers. Sorry.
1175
01:05:46,447 --> 01:05:48,074
Yeah, well, come to think of it,
I'm missing a watch.
1176
01:05:48,182 --> 01:05:50,013
You didn't take that to Home Ec, too,
did you?
1177
01:05:50,118 --> 01:05:52,177
Oh, yeah.
We're making watch cupcakes, Jim.
1178
01:05:52,286 --> 01:05:53,981
Watch it, wise guy.
1179
01:05:59,627 --> 01:06:01,117
Hey.
1180
01:06:02,397 --> 01:06:05,366
Careful, Wade. You don't sneak up
on somebody like that.
1181
01:06:05,466 --> 01:06:06,694
- Sorry.
- No, it's okay.
1182
01:06:06,801 --> 01:06:08,701
But I could have jumped up
and killed you in two moves,
1183
01:06:08,803 --> 01:06:11,465
and then, I don't know, I'd feel guilty.
1184
01:06:11,572 --> 01:06:14,200
- I talked to Brooke.
- Really? Have a seat.
1185
01:06:14,308 --> 01:06:16,333
- I think she might like me.
- Yeah?
1186
01:06:16,444 --> 01:06:18,275
Yeah. At least a little bit.
1187
01:06:18,379 --> 01:06:20,313
That's all you need.
Get your foot in the door.
1188
01:06:20,415 --> 01:06:22,883
I don't think I would have had
the confidence to have tried without you.
1189
01:06:22,984 --> 01:06:24,315
- I mean...
- Come on.
1190
01:06:24,419 --> 01:06:26,649
It's been great having someone
around who, like, likes me
1191
01:06:26,754 --> 01:06:28,881
and isn't making fun of me
or telling me to join the football team
1192
01:06:28,990 --> 01:06:30,457
like my stepdad.
1193
01:06:30,558 --> 01:06:33,584
Just do your best. Be all you can be.
What's the Army always say?
1194
01:06:33,695 --> 01:06:35,322
"Have it your way."
1195
01:06:36,998 --> 01:06:39,296
I think that's Burger King.
1196
01:06:41,602 --> 01:06:43,433
Where do you think they got it from?
1197
01:06:43,538 --> 01:06:47,065
Plus, what you did.
The whole black ops bodyguard thing.
1198
01:06:48,843 --> 01:06:50,174
Well, yeah.
1199
01:06:51,846 --> 01:06:54,508
Yeah. I actually wanted to be a doctor.
1200
01:06:56,217 --> 01:06:57,275
Yeah.
1201
01:06:57,985 --> 01:07:02,388
But my old man was an Army colonel,
wouldn't pay for me to go to college.
1202
01:07:03,858 --> 01:07:08,420
Yeah. He always said, "Drillbit, you're
not the doctor type. You're stupid."
1203
01:07:09,163 --> 01:07:12,496
I guess he thought that
because I didn't get good grades
1204
01:07:12,600 --> 01:07:14,568
or like to go to school.
1205
01:07:18,206 --> 01:07:20,970
I don't know. Maybe he was right.
1206
01:07:21,075 --> 01:07:23,043
So you became an army of one.
1207
01:07:24,278 --> 01:07:25,768
An army of one.
1208
01:07:27,248 --> 01:07:28,306
Here.
1209
01:07:29,250 --> 01:07:31,013
We made this for you.
1210
01:07:32,153 --> 01:07:33,484
An army of four.
1211
01:07:36,257 --> 01:07:38,191
I don't know if you understand,
1212
01:07:38,292 --> 01:07:42,388
but before we met you, we thought
our lives were gonna suck forever.
1213
01:07:42,497 --> 01:07:43,987
At least I did.
1214
01:07:46,067 --> 01:07:51,266
Well, you're right. I don't understand
because of how hardened I am.
1215
01:07:52,440 --> 01:07:55,568
Tough thing about what I do
is I can't let my guard down.
1216
01:07:57,512 --> 01:07:59,878
Well, for what it's worth,
1217
01:07:59,981 --> 01:08:03,508
I hope after all this is done,
you'll still be my friend.
1218
01:08:03,651 --> 01:08:04,618
Bye.
1219
01:08:13,394 --> 01:08:15,521
This is so beautiful.
1220
01:08:16,130 --> 01:08:17,791
I love coming out here.
1221
01:08:17,899 --> 01:08:22,393
Actually, I used to live in a small place
near here until it got re-zoned.
1222
01:08:23,204 --> 01:08:24,228
Yeah.
1223
01:08:24,338 --> 01:08:26,431
- That's a shame.
- Nah. Probably just as well.
1224
01:08:26,541 --> 01:08:28,270
Hey, stranger.
1225
01:08:29,277 --> 01:08:31,802
Can you spare some change, stranger?
1226
01:08:32,079 --> 01:08:33,478
Here you go.
1227
01:08:35,716 --> 01:08:36,842
- Sucker.
- Yeah.
1228
01:08:38,219 --> 01:08:40,551
Got some money for some food? Hi.
1229
01:08:42,990 --> 01:08:44,753
No time to be cheap.
1230
01:08:45,660 --> 01:08:48,561
- Wow.
- Good evening, sir. Can I get a dollar?
1231
01:08:50,898 --> 01:08:52,297
- Cool. Thank you very much.
- Yeah.
1232
01:08:52,400 --> 01:08:54,425
Hey, can I get another dollar?
1233
01:08:58,639 --> 01:09:00,266
You look familiar.
1234
01:09:02,009 --> 01:09:03,806
You know that you're a better person
than me,
1235
01:09:03,911 --> 01:09:08,348
because, I hate to say it,
but I just get irritated.
1236
01:09:08,449 --> 01:09:12,180
They irritate the shit out of me.
I felt like...
1237
01:09:12,286 --> 01:09:16,416
But then you have to think,
they work for the grace of God, so...
1238
01:09:16,524 --> 01:09:19,789
- That's cute.
- Hey, you want to see something cool?
1239
01:09:19,894 --> 01:09:21,191
Come here.
1240
01:09:21,562 --> 01:09:23,189
- There.
- Thank you.
1241
01:09:25,600 --> 01:09:27,966
So what else do you have in here?
1242
01:09:28,369 --> 01:09:30,360
- Two-buck Chuck.
- You know that wine?
1243
01:09:30,471 --> 01:09:32,200
I love this wine.
1244
01:09:32,306 --> 01:09:35,070
- That's all a teacher can afford.
- Tell me about it.
1245
01:09:35,376 --> 01:09:36,638
Get this.
1246
01:09:37,979 --> 01:09:39,776
And here I was all worried that
you were gonna take me
1247
01:09:39,881 --> 01:09:42,372
to some hip dance club or something.
1248
01:09:43,384 --> 01:09:45,784
That's definitely not me.
1249
01:09:46,354 --> 01:09:48,151
But, no, I'm actually more of
1250
01:09:48,256 --> 01:09:50,884
a kind of simple,
just down to earth outdoorsman.
1251
01:09:51,158 --> 01:09:53,490
I like that you don't try too hard.
1252
01:09:54,161 --> 01:09:57,619
The truth is,
this is me trying really, really hard.
1253
01:09:58,165 --> 01:09:59,530
That's cute.
1254
01:10:02,503 --> 01:10:05,097
Look, I want to talk to you. I mean...
1255
01:10:08,643 --> 01:10:11,737
There's some things
I want you to know about me.
1256
01:10:11,846 --> 01:10:15,543
I want us to look each other in the eye,
and I want us to get it out on the table,
1257
01:10:15,650 --> 01:10:18,744
and we just, you know,
we listen, and there's no judgment.
1258
01:10:18,853 --> 01:10:24,223
God. You're just so great. You're really
just like the perfect guy for me.
1259
01:10:24,692 --> 01:10:27,024
- Really?
- I'm serious.
1260
01:10:27,128 --> 01:10:31,462
You're just beautiful,
and you're nice to me, and it's so great.
1261
01:10:32,099 --> 01:10:36,126
'Cause I'm really just always attracted
to just such dirtbag guys.
1262
01:10:36,304 --> 01:10:37,328
They're out there.
1263
01:10:37,438 --> 01:10:41,067
I'm a real loser magnet.
It's, like, on some unconscious level,
1264
01:10:41,175 --> 01:10:46,306
I just need to be with a guy who has
absolutely nothing going for him.
1265
01:10:46,414 --> 01:10:50,373
You know, just some loser,
some bum lying pig.
1266
01:10:50,484 --> 01:10:51,815
- Stop, stop, stop, stop.
- You know, just...
1267
01:10:51,919 --> 01:10:52,908
Stop it.
1268
01:10:53,020 --> 01:10:56,922
I get it. You made some bad choices,
and who hasn't?
1269
01:10:57,692 --> 01:10:59,990
It's just you were starting
to rant a little bit.
1270
01:11:00,094 --> 01:11:01,618
It's just I'm happy to be
with somebody...
1271
01:11:01,729 --> 01:11:02,696
I know.
1272
01:11:02,797 --> 01:11:05,630
You're with a doctor now.
1273
01:11:06,367 --> 01:11:08,835
Yeah. Thank God.
1274
01:11:10,604 --> 01:11:12,299
Let's just kiss.
1275
01:11:26,020 --> 01:11:27,578
Did you do that?
1276
01:11:28,089 --> 01:11:30,649
Kid just jumped out of the bushes
and started jamming. That's weird.
1277
01:11:32,393 --> 01:11:34,486
I got nothing to do with it.
1278
01:11:58,019 --> 01:12:00,510
- That naked guy's my teacher!
- What?
1279
01:12:00,621 --> 01:12:02,179
- Yeah!
- He ain't your teacher!
1280
01:12:02,289 --> 01:12:05,520
Every day he's at the off-ramp.
I give him some change.
1281
01:12:05,626 --> 01:12:07,457
What do you mean? Like a bum?
1282
01:12:07,561 --> 01:12:11,258
What are you talking about?
He's not a bum! Less fortunate!
1283
01:12:12,867 --> 01:12:14,391
Yeah, or get out of the way.
1284
01:12:14,502 --> 01:12:15,662
How're you doing?
1285
01:12:15,770 --> 01:12:17,397
- Hey, how's it going, Drillbit?
- Hey, Drillbit.
1286
01:12:17,505 --> 01:12:19,166
So, listen,
you know the thing we talked about?
1287
01:12:19,273 --> 01:12:20,433
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1288
01:12:20,608 --> 01:12:21,768
- Plan's off.
- What?
1289
01:12:21,876 --> 01:12:24,640
- Drillbit! Drillbit.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1290
01:12:24,979 --> 01:12:26,207
What do you mean the plan's off?
1291
01:12:26,313 --> 01:12:29,043
It's not off. I just mean let's...
Let's postpone it.
1292
01:12:29,150 --> 01:12:30,742
'Cause I don't think we need
to get their belongings now.
1293
01:12:30,851 --> 01:12:32,876
These kids,
they kind of look at me like I'm a hero,
1294
01:12:32,987 --> 01:12:34,545
and, I don't know,
let's run with that for a little bit.
1295
01:12:34,655 --> 01:12:35,849
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
1296
01:12:36,023 --> 01:12:38,150
You're really getting into this whole
teacher thing here, huh?
1297
01:12:38,259 --> 01:12:40,090
With the sweaters and the loafers.
1298
01:12:40,194 --> 01:12:43,061
- They're wingtips.
- You look like you teach Fagonometry.
1299
01:12:43,164 --> 01:12:45,223
What the hell is this? Who are you?
1300
01:12:45,332 --> 01:12:49,098
I got an old saying for you, Drillbit,
"You can't polish a turd."
1301
01:12:49,203 --> 01:12:51,364
Hey, Don, first of all,
that's not an old saying.
1302
01:12:51,472 --> 01:12:52,530
You stole that from me.
1303
01:12:52,640 --> 01:12:55,108
I say it all the time.
Secondly, I'm insulted.
1304
01:12:55,209 --> 01:12:57,769
Well, you should be. Drillbit, I know you.
1305
01:12:58,045 --> 01:13:00,275
And the real you
would do this deal, man.
1306
01:13:00,381 --> 01:13:04,112
There's a lot of heads that want to feed
off of this, man. Don't let us down.
1307
01:13:04,218 --> 01:13:05,708
No! No, that's just it.
1308
01:13:05,820 --> 01:13:07,845
For the first time,
I'm not letting everybody down.
1309
01:13:07,955 --> 01:13:10,583
- And now you're not making any sense!
- Yeah.
1310
01:13:10,691 --> 01:13:14,787
That guy's a fraud!
He's a bum in a Mister Rogers sweater!
1311
01:13:18,899 --> 01:13:20,730
Yo, yo, yo, yo.
Okay, check it out, check it out.
1312
01:13:20,835 --> 01:13:21,927
I just saw the new substitute...
1313
01:13:22,036 --> 01:13:24,004
Delta-four-niner,
this is Yu-Gi-Oh-seven.
1314
01:13:24,105 --> 01:13:25,800
On the highway to the danger zone.
1315
01:13:25,906 --> 01:13:27,567
Repeat, on the highway, over.
1316
01:13:27,675 --> 01:13:29,540
Oh, shitballs!
1317
01:13:29,643 --> 01:13:31,838
Yu-Gi-Oh-four-seven,
you are not clear to cross.
1318
01:13:31,946 --> 01:13:34,039
Repeat, you got a bogie northbound.
1319
01:13:34,148 --> 01:13:35,547
- Oh, crap.
- Guys, hold your position.
1320
01:13:35,683 --> 01:13:36,672
I'm en route.
1321
01:13:36,784 --> 01:13:38,445
Guys, hold your position!
1322
01:13:40,254 --> 01:13:41,915
Come here, you little rat turds!
1323
01:13:42,022 --> 01:13:43,580
No! Come on!
1324
01:13:43,691 --> 01:13:45,056
Yo, so what'd you do, huh?
1325
01:13:45,159 --> 01:13:47,491
What, did you give the substitute
teacher some spare change
1326
01:13:47,595 --> 01:13:49,586
- so he'd give us a hard time?
- Get them!
1327
01:13:49,697 --> 01:13:50,959
Mister Filkins?
1328
01:13:51,065 --> 01:13:52,657
Excuse me. I need you to get to class.
1329
01:13:52,766 --> 01:13:55,064
And you three,
I want you out of here, too!
1330
01:13:55,169 --> 01:13:56,500
- Go on!
- Hey.
1331
01:13:56,637 --> 01:13:58,605
Get out of my face, you bum!
1332
01:13:58,706 --> 01:14:01,368
Maybe I will
if you stop hassling these kids.
1333
01:14:01,475 --> 01:14:02,874
But until you're ready to do that,
1334
01:14:02,977 --> 01:14:05,207
I'm gonna give you
some detentions to think about it.
1335
01:14:05,312 --> 01:14:07,405
Please, just don't,
don't give me detention.
1336
01:14:07,515 --> 01:14:10,382
Yeah. That's my power,
and I will exercise it.
1337
01:14:10,484 --> 01:14:12,645
And then what? Huh? You gonna make
us shower on the beach
1338
01:14:12,753 --> 01:14:14,220
with you and the rest of the bums?
1339
01:14:14,321 --> 01:14:16,516
- Yeah, we're on to you, buddy.
- What's that supposed to mean?
1340
01:14:16,624 --> 01:14:20,458
What a freak. You got some
weird little fantasies there, kid.
1341
01:14:20,561 --> 01:14:23,325
Okay, here's the deal.
Let me make it real simple.
1342
01:14:23,430 --> 01:14:25,295
I'm a faculty...
1343
01:14:26,433 --> 01:14:28,230
Punk-ass!
1344
01:14:28,636 --> 01:14:31,662
- He got me right in the ear!
- Run! Run!
1345
01:14:31,772 --> 01:14:34,434
- Yeah! Run! Save yourself!
- Run!
1346
01:14:34,575 --> 01:14:35,542
Medic!
1347
01:14:36,610 --> 01:14:38,100
Medic!
1348
01:14:38,479 --> 01:14:40,447
I got hit right in the nose!
1349
01:14:40,581 --> 01:14:42,640
Followed up by a shot to the ear!
1350
01:14:43,450 --> 01:14:45,850
Oh, man. Okay.
1351
01:14:49,023 --> 01:14:50,854
Oh, that doesn't work at all.
1352
01:14:52,226 --> 01:14:55,195
- This whole time he's a bum!
- Hey! Hey, you guys, hold it! Wait up!
1353
01:14:55,296 --> 01:14:58,163
- Guys, let me explain!
- Explain what, huh?
1354
01:14:59,300 --> 01:15:01,461
Filkins is just gonna come after us
harder than ever!
1355
01:15:01,569 --> 01:15:02,627
What was that about showering
on the beach?
1356
01:15:02,736 --> 01:15:03,703
You guys, hold it.
1357
01:15:03,804 --> 01:15:04,862
Why would you shower on the beach?
1358
01:15:04,972 --> 01:15:05,961
Why don't we all just shower
on the beach?
1359
01:15:06,073 --> 01:15:07,165
It's part of my morning fitness regimen!
1360
01:15:07,274 --> 01:15:09,299
I jog on the beach five miles,
then I swim ten miles.
1361
01:15:09,410 --> 01:15:11,674
That's what I do to stay in shape.
Then I shower.
1362
01:15:11,779 --> 01:15:13,440
So, why didn't you defend yourself?
1363
01:15:13,547 --> 01:15:15,981
'Cause I got sucker punched!
Look at this!
1364
01:15:17,885 --> 01:15:19,318
Then I got hit in the ear,
1365
01:15:19,420 --> 01:15:22,753
which you probably can't even see,
'cause it's so deep in the ear canal.
1366
01:15:22,856 --> 01:15:23,823
I didn't really get hurt,
1367
01:15:23,924 --> 01:15:26,984
but I just kind of went down
to give you guys a chance to get away.
1368
01:15:27,094 --> 01:15:28,618
We paid you to beat him up!
1369
01:15:28,729 --> 01:15:31,857
How am I gonna beat him up
with all these kids around?
1370
01:15:31,966 --> 01:15:34,935
Okay, then the principal comes
and maybe some cops.
1371
01:15:35,035 --> 01:15:37,094
They'll find out I'm not a real teacher.
1372
01:15:37,204 --> 01:15:39,638
What good am I
if I'm sitting there in jail?
1373
01:15:39,740 --> 01:15:42,504
Look, I took a bullet for you guys today.
1374
01:15:42,710 --> 01:15:44,371
You guys got off scot-free!
1375
01:15:44,478 --> 01:15:46,207
- Did you get hurt?
- No.
1376
01:15:46,313 --> 01:15:48,042
- Did you get hurt?
- No.
1377
01:15:48,515 --> 01:15:51,313
I'm like one of those guys
jumping in front of the President.
1378
01:15:51,418 --> 01:15:54,182
And, look, I'm not expecting a thank you.
That's my job.
1379
01:15:54,288 --> 01:15:55,949
But maybe give me a bonus
or something.
1380
01:15:56,056 --> 01:15:59,025
Sly used to throw in a car
every now and then.
1381
01:16:01,729 --> 01:16:03,594
I'm so sorry, Drillbit.
1382
01:16:06,567 --> 01:16:09,058
What am I gonna do with you guys?
1383
01:16:10,471 --> 01:16:12,200
You want some cereal?
1384
01:16:12,306 --> 01:16:14,900
- You got any Cap'n Crunch?
- Yeah.
1385
01:16:15,175 --> 01:16:16,199
Let's go.
1386
01:16:20,279 --> 01:16:21,337
- Drillbit!
- What are you doing?
1387
01:16:21,447 --> 01:16:22,880
- What the hell?
- No, don't, stop. Come on.
1388
01:16:22,982 --> 01:16:24,472
- Put that stuff down!
- Hey, no way, man!
1389
01:16:24,583 --> 01:16:26,073
- Drillbit, why you yelling?
- Drillbit, back off, man!
1390
01:16:26,185 --> 01:16:28,619
- You know these guys?
- No, I don't know these people!
1391
01:16:28,721 --> 01:16:29,881
We're almost done here, all right?
1392
01:16:29,989 --> 01:16:32,184
- I am freaking out!
- My parents are gonna kill me!
1393
01:16:32,291 --> 01:16:33,690
- What the hell's going on?
- Everything's fine!
1394
01:16:33,793 --> 01:16:35,021
- Screw this, man! I'm out of here!
- Wait a second!
1395
01:16:35,127 --> 01:16:36,219
- Why are you all yelling?
- Don?
1396
01:16:36,329 --> 01:16:38,559
- Not like this! What are you doing?
- Take it easy!
1397
01:16:38,664 --> 01:16:40,757
- Just take it easy, man.
- This isn't the plan.
1398
01:16:40,866 --> 01:16:42,891
- Relax.
- All the shit's gone in your house.
1399
01:16:43,002 --> 01:16:44,264
You came to me as a man,
I came to you as a man.
1400
01:16:44,370 --> 01:16:45,860
All the shit is gone in my house!
1401
01:16:45,971 --> 01:16:47,404
- Are you...
- Don't you touch me!
1402
01:16:47,506 --> 01:16:49,565
Don't make me Billy Jack your ass.
1403
01:16:51,544 --> 01:16:52,602
Watch out!
1404
01:17:03,222 --> 01:17:05,383
That's how you Billy Jack
somebody's ass.
1405
01:17:05,491 --> 01:17:06,617
Come on, Bernie, let's go!
1406
01:17:06,726 --> 01:17:08,557
Let's go!
Go on, get out of the way, man!
1407
01:17:08,661 --> 01:17:10,253
- Let's go!
- Let's go!
1408
01:17:10,363 --> 01:17:12,661
You'd better run! I saw your faces!
1409
01:17:12,765 --> 01:17:15,131
I got a photogenic memory!
1410
01:17:15,301 --> 01:17:17,531
Get out of my house, you asshole!
1411
01:17:17,636 --> 01:17:20,332
What? There's another one?
I'll kill the asshole!
1412
01:17:20,439 --> 01:17:23,499
No! You, asshole! Get out of my house,
now! Look at what you've done!
1413
01:17:23,609 --> 01:17:25,338
I didn't do anything!
1414
01:17:25,511 --> 01:17:27,479
I'm trying to help you guys! Look at me!
1415
01:17:27,580 --> 01:17:29,411
Wade, I think one of them peed
in your kitchen.
1416
01:17:29,515 --> 01:17:31,608
- Great!
- Should I call the police?
1417
01:17:31,751 --> 01:17:33,844
No, don't call the police! Just stop.
1418
01:17:33,953 --> 01:17:35,818
Drillbit, just tell us the truth.
1419
01:17:35,921 --> 01:17:39,254
You can't handle the truth! I can't...
What do you want to hear?
1420
01:17:39,358 --> 01:17:41,326
That I was raised in an orphanage?
1421
01:17:41,427 --> 01:17:44,225
That I... That no one wanted me?
You don't want to hear that!
1422
01:17:44,330 --> 01:17:46,298
'Cause that's a lie, too!
1423
01:17:48,701 --> 01:17:52,068
Fine. Maybe I wasn't completely straight
with you guys about who I am.
1424
01:17:52,171 --> 01:17:54,162
So you lied about being in the military?
1425
01:17:54,273 --> 01:17:57,709
No! That's true. I was trained
by the United States Army.
1426
01:17:57,810 --> 01:18:00,677
Then why could a teenager beat you up
with so little effort?
1427
01:18:00,780 --> 01:18:04,307
Because I don't like violence.
I wasn't cut out to be a soldier.
1428
01:18:04,617 --> 01:18:07,085
- Boo-hoo.
- I like the parts with the repelling
1429
01:18:07,186 --> 01:18:10,622
and the crawling through the mud
and the swinging on the monkey bars
1430
01:18:10,723 --> 01:18:14,318
and the helping the wounded,
but I don't like confrontation.
1431
01:18:14,427 --> 01:18:17,954
Even this, with you three ganging up
on me, is not... I don't...
1432
01:18:18,497 --> 01:18:20,624
- It's really... I'm sorry.
- Shit!
1433
01:18:20,900 --> 01:18:24,336
You were in the military, huh?
Tell me where you served.
1434
01:18:24,537 --> 01:18:28,701
My company was in the Middle East,
and I was there for like half a day.
1435
01:18:28,808 --> 01:18:33,541
I saw some camels and heard some,
1436
01:18:34,180 --> 01:18:37,047
I think, were some explosions,
I don't know.
1437
01:18:37,550 --> 01:18:41,646
And it was...
It was so hot over there. It was...
1438
01:18:42,521 --> 01:18:45,854
I just climbed in the wheel well of a
cargo plane, and I flew back to the U.S.
1439
01:18:45,958 --> 01:18:48,358
I went AWOL. It was...
1440
01:18:48,461 --> 01:18:50,554
Is your name even Drillbit?
1441
01:18:50,896 --> 01:18:52,056
Is my...
1442
01:18:53,132 --> 01:18:55,191
What? How can you ask me that?
1443
01:18:55,501 --> 01:18:56,627
Is it?
1444
01:18:57,803 --> 01:19:01,899
No, it's... It's Alamo Taylor.
1445
01:19:05,511 --> 01:19:07,376
No. That's a lie, too.
1446
01:19:08,647 --> 01:19:11,912
There I go, trying to impress
a bunch of kids again.
1447
01:19:13,619 --> 01:19:15,610
When are you gonna grow up?
1448
01:19:15,721 --> 01:19:18,053
My real name is Bob Taylor.
1449
01:19:18,524 --> 01:19:20,617
Not Robert, just Bob.
1450
01:19:21,927 --> 01:19:25,055
There, you satisfied?
And I didn't kill anyone with a drill bit.
1451
01:19:25,164 --> 01:19:26,927
Although when I was in high school,
1452
01:19:27,032 --> 01:19:29,523
I did puncture my pinky with a drill bit.
1453
01:19:29,802 --> 01:19:32,771
And everyone started calling me Drillbit,
making fun of me.
1454
01:19:32,872 --> 01:19:34,703
- Okay? And you can see the scar...
- No, get away.
1455
01:19:34,807 --> 01:19:36,468
...if you look closely right there.
Can you see?
1456
01:19:36,575 --> 01:19:40,306
Look, Ryan, look, you can see it.
It's real. Look.
1457
01:19:40,412 --> 01:19:41,504
Can you see it in the light?
1458
01:19:41,614 --> 01:19:46,415
So you were just using us to take
our money and everything in my house?
1459
01:19:54,026 --> 01:19:56,392
That's kind of an oversimplification.
1460
01:19:57,963 --> 01:19:59,828
I thought you cared about us.
1461
01:20:00,432 --> 01:20:02,798
I do. I just...
1462
01:20:04,069 --> 01:20:06,299
I thought you were my friend.
1463
01:20:07,506 --> 01:20:10,236
Get out, Drillbit,
and don't ever come back.
1464
01:20:15,714 --> 01:20:16,976
Leave!
1465
01:20:19,084 --> 01:20:20,381
I'm sorry.
1466
01:20:28,627 --> 01:20:29,594
Hello?
1467
01:20:29,695 --> 01:20:30,923
Hey. Yeah, look, I know...
1468
01:20:31,030 --> 01:20:32,725
I'm sorry, I know
I was supposed to meet you,
1469
01:20:32,831 --> 01:20:35,527
but I'm just having a real terrible day.
1470
01:20:35,668 --> 01:20:37,135
Where are you?
1471
01:20:37,770 --> 01:20:41,706
Remember you said you had
that real self-destructive pattern
1472
01:20:41,807 --> 01:20:46,835
of always going out with guys
that were just real losers, just dirtbags?
1473
01:20:46,946 --> 01:20:48,914
Total zeros.
1474
01:20:49,014 --> 01:20:50,743
- Yes.
- Well.
1475
01:20:50,849 --> 01:20:53,511
You might not be
out of the woods yet with that.
1476
01:20:53,719 --> 01:20:58,918
No, you said you were a doctor.
You're a doctor. You're not a doctor?
1477
01:20:59,024 --> 01:21:00,491
No, I'm not a doctor.
1478
01:21:00,593 --> 01:21:04,120
I'm a homeless U.S. Army deserter.
I was...
1479
01:21:04,229 --> 01:21:07,221
I'm not a teacher, but I'm at the school.
I'm trying to protect these kids.
1480
01:21:07,333 --> 01:21:10,097
What? What did you say
about homeless?
1481
01:21:10,970 --> 01:21:15,236
Like, metaphorically speaking
or in a box?
1482
01:21:18,410 --> 01:21:20,503
You got to let it out.
1483
01:21:20,846 --> 01:21:24,805
You got to just let it out. Just...
1484
01:21:30,456 --> 01:21:31,787
That's not it.
1485
01:21:31,957 --> 01:21:35,620
Drillbit? I mean, Bob. It's us, the guys.
1486
01:21:36,228 --> 01:21:39,288
- Pick up, Bob.
- Yeah, pick up, Drillbit.
1487
01:21:40,165 --> 01:21:41,154
Boys?
1488
01:21:41,266 --> 01:21:43,734
We just called to say
we're calling the cops on you,
1489
01:21:43,836 --> 01:21:47,567
and we hope you spend the rest
of your pathetic life in prison!
1490
01:21:47,673 --> 01:21:51,370
Now I see why people call you Drillbit.
Because you screw people!
1491
01:21:51,510 --> 01:21:54,377
You're a jackass and a dirtbag.
1492
01:21:54,847 --> 01:21:57,077
And I want my bar mitzvah money back.
1493
01:21:57,216 --> 01:22:00,447
Oh, yeah,
and I'd like my walkie-talkie back. Over.
1494
01:22:06,759 --> 01:22:08,954
I tell you what,
I'll give you 1,500 for everything.
1495
01:22:09,061 --> 01:22:10,358
1,500? Come on, man.
1496
01:22:10,462 --> 01:22:12,521
This stuff holds
a lot of sentimental value.
1497
01:22:12,631 --> 01:22:15,259
- To who?
- To the people I stole it from.
1498
01:22:15,367 --> 01:22:16,732
I don't care about them. 1,500.
1499
01:22:16,835 --> 01:22:19,303
All right. Deal. What do I do?
Just back this thing up?
1500
01:22:19,405 --> 01:22:21,532
- Yeah, back it right up.
- All right.
1501
01:22:25,611 --> 01:22:27,442
How're you doing, Don?
1502
01:22:30,115 --> 01:22:33,175
You got a real stupid laugh,
you know that, Don?
1503
01:22:34,453 --> 01:22:36,284
How about you go ahead
and hop on out of that van here,
1504
01:22:36,388 --> 01:22:38,117
so I can kick your ass again?
1505
01:22:38,223 --> 01:22:40,953
Sorry, but this haul's getting
returned to sender.
1506
01:22:41,060 --> 01:22:42,652
- Oh, really?
- Yeah, it is, Don.
1507
01:22:42,761 --> 01:22:44,092
And I'll tell you another thing
that's gonna happen.
1508
01:22:44,196 --> 01:22:45,857
This left foot is gonna go
on the right side
1509
01:22:45,964 --> 01:22:47,363
- of your face!
- Oh, give me a break, Drillbit.
1510
01:22:47,466 --> 01:22:51,129
I know you and the Drillbit I know
isn't capable of really doing it!
1511
01:22:55,507 --> 01:22:56,474
Hoo-rah!
1512
01:22:57,976 --> 01:23:00,968
I'm giving you one more chance
to save this friendship!
1513
01:23:04,416 --> 01:23:07,010
Damn it! You ready for this, Don?
1514
01:23:08,387 --> 01:23:11,117
- No!
- Yeah!
1515
01:23:15,994 --> 01:23:18,895
Polish that turd, Don!
1516
01:23:22,601 --> 01:23:24,159
I'm dead.
1517
01:23:24,269 --> 01:23:26,294
- You're dead.
- I'm sad.
1518
01:23:29,575 --> 01:23:31,770
Wade, what's wrong?
Is everything okay?
1519
01:23:31,877 --> 01:23:34,141
Yeah, but you're not gonna
wanna go home.
1520
01:23:34,246 --> 01:23:37,841
- Oh, no, no, no. The cable go out?
- Lf it is, you're dead.
1521
01:23:39,184 --> 01:23:40,151
Of course it was your fault!
1522
01:23:40,252 --> 01:23:41,776
You were home!
You should have stopped them!
1523
01:23:41,887 --> 01:23:44,651
Bear with me.
I didn't mean for this to happen.
1524
01:23:44,757 --> 01:23:45,951
Oh, God.
1525
01:23:46,358 --> 01:23:48,349
Please don't scream.
1526
01:23:50,129 --> 01:23:51,596
What the hell?
I thought we were robbed!
1527
01:23:51,697 --> 01:23:52,994
We were!
1528
01:23:53,098 --> 01:23:55,658
We didn't get robbed!
We got rearranged!
1529
01:23:56,235 --> 01:23:58,260
You and your weirdo friends
have a marijuana party?
1530
01:23:58,370 --> 01:23:59,860
- No!
- Oh, honey.
1531
01:23:59,972 --> 01:24:02,338
- Punish him, Dad.
- Yeah, don't let him get away with this.
1532
01:24:02,441 --> 01:24:05,239
- Are you smoking pot?
- No. I'm really confused.
1533
01:24:05,344 --> 01:24:08,040
No, no, Wade.
Drillbit must have done it.
1534
01:24:08,647 --> 01:24:09,909
Who's Drillbit?
1535
01:24:10,415 --> 01:24:12,212
You tell me what's going on now, Wade.
1536
01:24:12,718 --> 01:24:15,050
I just... I think it's weird, you know,
1537
01:24:15,154 --> 01:24:18,817
that this is what I get for trying to make
them feel like a part of the group.
1538
01:24:18,924 --> 01:24:23,623
I mean, I saw it like a school tradition.
It's hazing, yeah, but
1539
01:24:23,729 --> 01:24:25,822
just to, you know, make them
feel like they belonged.
1540
01:24:25,931 --> 01:24:29,662
Sort of like a fun initiation.
1541
01:24:29,768 --> 01:24:31,793
I mean, didn't you all have that
when you were kids?
1542
01:24:31,904 --> 01:24:35,965
Yeah. I remember my first few days.
Got tied to the flagpole,
1543
01:24:36,074 --> 01:24:38,804
egged a few times.
At the end of it, it's all laughs.
1544
01:24:38,911 --> 01:24:41,471
Yeah, Wade, boys, you really
shouldn't have panicked like that.
1545
01:24:41,580 --> 01:24:43,138
Yeah, this boy's not dangerous,
1546
01:24:43,248 --> 01:24:45,910
not compared to a dirty,
homeless ex-soldier.
1547
01:24:46,018 --> 01:24:49,545
The more I think about it,
that guy, he could've really hurt me.
1548
01:24:49,655 --> 01:24:53,887
All right. I'm... I'm sorry, but your boys
brought a fugitive onto school property
1549
01:24:53,992 --> 01:24:56,051
threatening the safety of my students.
1550
01:24:56,161 --> 01:24:58,322
Now, I don't... I don't wanna point
any fingers here,
1551
01:24:58,430 --> 01:25:01,126
but I think we all know who's to blame.
1552
01:25:02,100 --> 01:25:03,001
You put my life in danger, guys.
1553
01:25:03,001 --> 01:25:04,400
You put my life in danger, guys.
1554
01:25:04,837 --> 01:25:07,965
It's worse than any hazing
that anybody could do.
1555
01:25:08,073 --> 01:25:09,938
I'm just lucky I was able
to defend myself.
1556
01:25:10,042 --> 01:25:11,509
Who knows what might have happened?
1557
01:25:11,610 --> 01:25:14,374
This guy's a veteran!
How many people might he have killed?
1558
01:25:14,479 --> 01:25:16,310
Did anybody see "To Catch a Predator"
on Dateline?
1559
01:25:16,415 --> 01:25:18,007
- I watched that!
- I saw that, yeah.
1560
01:25:18,116 --> 01:25:20,209
It's where they set the booby trap
for the pedophiles.
1561
01:25:20,319 --> 01:25:22,082
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- A grandfather, a priest...
1562
01:25:22,187 --> 01:25:24,121
I mean, could you imagine it?
You think you're on a date,
1563
01:25:24,223 --> 01:25:25,781
and then all of a sudden,
police are everywhere.
1564
01:25:25,891 --> 01:25:27,449
- Yeah.
- My God, this guy knows where we live.
1565
01:25:27,559 --> 01:25:28,526
- Yeah.
- Okay.
1566
01:25:28,627 --> 01:25:32,996
I think you'll be glad to know I gave
security camera footage of this Drillbit
1567
01:25:33,098 --> 01:25:35,828
to the police and they said
they'd be watching for him.
1568
01:25:35,934 --> 01:25:38,095
No, what the hell's the matter
with you guys?
1569
01:25:38,203 --> 01:25:40,637
Are you mentally defective
or something?
1570
01:25:40,739 --> 01:25:42,866
You got to understand,
Drillbit was around because
1571
01:25:42,975 --> 01:25:44,840
this psychopath over here
was gonna murder us!
1572
01:25:44,943 --> 01:25:47,241
I mean, Filkins is the real criminal!
1573
01:25:47,346 --> 01:25:48,643
Yes! He has a samurai sword
1574
01:25:48,747 --> 01:25:50,408
- he has used on his other victims!
- All right...
1575
01:25:55,454 --> 01:25:56,546
Sit down!
1576
01:25:58,223 --> 01:25:59,781
Sit down!
1577
01:26:00,359 --> 01:26:01,656
Thank you very much.
1578
01:26:01,760 --> 01:26:02,954
Now, Terry.
1579
01:26:03,862 --> 01:26:06,160
Is there any truth to this?
1580
01:26:07,032 --> 01:26:09,023
Oh, yeah. All of it.
1581
01:26:10,469 --> 01:26:14,667
I'm really a samurai warrior from
the 14th century sent to kill them.
1582
01:26:18,810 --> 01:26:20,243
He's cute.
1583
01:26:20,345 --> 01:26:23,212
Okay, I hope I speak for everyone here
1584
01:26:23,315 --> 01:26:26,716
in saying that I feel
this issue is resolved.
1585
01:26:26,818 --> 01:26:27,807
- Thank you. Okay, okay.
- All right?
1586
01:26:27,920 --> 01:26:29,512
Very good.
Thank you for coming in, folks.
1587
01:26:29,621 --> 01:26:31,521
- Thank you.
- All right, yeah.
1588
01:26:31,623 --> 01:26:33,682
- Hey, wasn't that fun?
- Hell, yeah.
1589
01:26:33,792 --> 01:26:35,157
- Oh, my goodness!
- Great.
1590
01:26:35,260 --> 01:26:36,227
- You feel better now, honey?
- Terry, honey.
1591
01:26:36,328 --> 01:26:37,761
I did not know you were all alone.
1592
01:26:37,863 --> 01:26:39,956
We want to have you over to the house
for dinner, okay?
1593
01:26:40,065 --> 01:26:43,501
- That would be wonderful!
- Wade could use more friends.
1594
01:26:50,442 --> 01:26:52,171
Give me one, please.
1595
01:26:55,948 --> 01:26:59,406
You're kind of a born loser. It's funny.
1596
01:27:00,118 --> 01:27:01,608
It's not funny.
1597
01:27:01,887 --> 01:27:03,479
It's funny to me.
1598
01:27:03,889 --> 01:27:06,687
Come on, don't jinx me. Don't jinx me.
1599
01:27:08,560 --> 01:27:11,586
500! Yes! Yes! I did it!
1600
01:27:11,697 --> 01:27:13,096
- I got it, man!
- Dude!
1601
01:27:13,198 --> 01:27:14,460
Look at that! Yes!
1602
01:27:14,566 --> 01:27:15,760
You got a ticket to Canada!
1603
01:27:15,867 --> 01:27:18,097
You better believe it! Come on, man!
1604
01:27:18,203 --> 01:27:20,433
Finally! Finally, I get one!
1605
01:27:20,572 --> 01:27:23,939
Come here, you!
This candy's on me! Put it down!
1606
01:27:24,242 --> 01:27:27,871
You got it! Well, maybe just get
one of them. Here. Here you go!
1607
01:27:40,993 --> 01:27:43,120
Okay, keep your eyes peeled.
1608
01:27:46,198 --> 01:27:48,996
- Do you see Filkins?
- No, but I see Brooke.
1609
01:27:49,468 --> 01:27:52,062
Gonna go for it. I'm gonna ask her out.
1610
01:27:52,871 --> 01:27:54,099
- Really?
- Yeah.
1611
01:27:54,506 --> 01:27:57,270
- You waited all this time. Why now?
- Why not?
1612
01:27:57,709 --> 01:28:00,143
My life sucks so badly,
even if she says no,
1613
01:28:00,245 --> 01:28:02,304
it's not like I'll have very far to fall.
1614
01:28:07,586 --> 01:28:08,780
I don't know.
1615
01:28:10,155 --> 01:28:12,783
- Hi.
- Hi.
1616
01:28:12,891 --> 01:28:15,291
Look, I don't know how to do this.
1617
01:28:15,927 --> 01:28:19,124
In fact, I've been wanting to do this
for a while. I just didn't know
1618
01:28:19,231 --> 01:28:20,823
when would be a good time. I don't...
1619
01:28:20,932 --> 01:28:25,130
I didn't know if it would ever be
a good time. I mean, if I'd ever think...
1620
01:28:28,473 --> 01:28:30,100
It's okay, Brooke.
1621
01:28:32,444 --> 01:28:35,675
Yo, bro, I swear to God
those ain't my sodas,
1622
01:28:35,781 --> 01:28:38,682
but if you wanted to, say, hire me
or something, like a bodyguard,
1623
01:28:38,784 --> 01:28:42,880
I think maybe I could dedicate my life
to finding the real culprit.
1624
01:28:45,424 --> 01:28:48,291
Wade, come on.
I'm okay with this, so let's just go.
1625
01:28:48,393 --> 01:28:50,293
What'd you say, ho?
1626
01:28:50,662 --> 01:28:52,220
Okay, you know what?
What is your problem?
1627
01:28:52,330 --> 01:28:54,321
Why don't you just leave them alone?
1628
01:28:54,433 --> 01:28:57,231
What are you gonna do, bro?
What are you gonna do?
1629
01:28:59,137 --> 01:29:03,005
You aren't gonna do anything,
because you don't have any balls.
1630
01:29:04,209 --> 01:29:06,541
- Leave him alone!
- It's just not in you.
1631
01:29:11,750 --> 01:29:13,980
You see? Look at that.
1632
01:29:14,953 --> 01:29:16,250
Sackless!
1633
01:29:21,026 --> 01:29:24,621
Why do you even waste my time?
You're pathetic.
1634
01:29:30,202 --> 01:29:31,931
You all right, Wade?
1635
01:29:32,337 --> 01:29:34,328
- Don't worry about that guy.
- He's just insecure inside.
1636
01:29:34,439 --> 01:29:36,805
- Get up. Let's get out of here.
- Wade?
1637
01:29:36,908 --> 01:29:38,398
Where are you going?
1638
01:29:38,510 --> 01:29:40,944
- T-Dog! Stop him!
- Fight! Fight!
1639
01:29:43,748 --> 01:29:44,737
Come on, Wade!
1640
01:29:44,850 --> 01:29:47,216
I'll kick the crap out of you right now.
You know why?
1641
01:29:47,319 --> 01:29:50,345
Half because
everyone is sick of your garbage
1642
01:29:50,455 --> 01:29:52,980
and half because
of what you said to Brooke!
1643
01:29:54,759 --> 01:29:56,590
Do you think I'm dumb?
1644
01:29:57,529 --> 01:29:59,656
Trying to trick me
into getting myself in trouble?
1645
01:29:59,764 --> 01:30:02,756
Fine. Then we'll beat your face in
somewhere else.
1646
01:30:02,868 --> 01:30:04,859
- Anywhere. Go ahead. You name it.
- Okay, good.
1647
01:30:04,970 --> 01:30:09,532
Everybody! Everybody! I'm gonna kick
their asses tonight at my house!
1648
01:30:09,941 --> 01:30:13,035
Everybody should come!
It's gonna be hilarious!
1649
01:30:13,345 --> 01:30:15,108
Ultimate Geek Fighting!
1650
01:30:15,447 --> 01:30:19,781
Once you step on my property,
you're freaking trespassing, brother,
1651
01:30:19,885 --> 01:30:21,648
and I can do anything I want.
1652
01:30:21,753 --> 01:30:23,584
You're nothing but a pathetic wimp,
1653
01:30:23,688 --> 01:30:26,816
and everyone's gonna know
by the end of tonight, brother!
1654
01:30:26,925 --> 01:30:28,620
And I will see you there!
1655
01:30:36,001 --> 01:30:37,730
What have I just done?
1656
01:30:38,069 --> 01:30:39,934
That was awesome, man.
1657
01:30:40,205 --> 01:30:43,732
- Me and Emmit are gonna back you up.
- Oh, now it's "me and Emmit."
1658
01:30:43,842 --> 01:30:46,538
You've never been nice to me, Ryan,
and I've only been kind to you.
1659
01:30:46,645 --> 01:30:48,875
And I've tried so hard
to make this friendship work,
1660
01:30:48,980 --> 01:30:52,347
but I am not going to die
for someone who won't die for me!
1661
01:30:52,450 --> 01:30:56,079
"Survival technique."
I renounce violence.
1662
01:30:56,555 --> 01:30:58,682
I have a future!
1663
01:30:59,824 --> 01:31:01,519
What do we do next?
1664
01:31:02,427 --> 01:31:04,987
Guess we'd better learn how to fight.
1665
01:31:06,565 --> 01:31:08,590
- Jump left, jump left.
- Come on, Blue.
1666
01:31:08,700 --> 01:31:10,031
- That's what I'm talking about!
- No, no, no, no.
1667
01:31:10,135 --> 01:31:11,693
- That's what I'm talking about!
- Come on!
1668
01:31:11,803 --> 01:31:12,997
Come on! Yes!
1669
01:31:13,138 --> 01:31:15,402
This PowerBar's really working.
1670
01:31:15,507 --> 01:31:17,065
I feel stronger.
1671
01:31:17,943 --> 01:31:19,274
I feel fatter.
1672
01:31:19,377 --> 01:31:21,174
Well, what do you want me to do?
You just want me to hit you?
1673
01:31:21,279 --> 01:31:23,509
Come on. Do me this one favor.
1674
01:31:25,717 --> 01:31:27,309
That was perfect!
1675
01:31:28,787 --> 01:31:31,847
All right. We need to learn
how to take a punch.
1676
01:31:32,190 --> 01:31:34,249
You ready? Let me go first.
1677
01:31:35,093 --> 01:31:36,685
- All right?
- Okay.
1678
01:31:49,975 --> 01:31:51,840
Block out the pain.
1679
01:31:51,943 --> 01:31:54,537
Remember what that douche bag
Drillbit taught us?
1680
01:31:54,646 --> 01:31:57,046
- Mind over pain!
- Okay.
1681
01:31:57,148 --> 01:31:59,946
All right. Hit me in the chest.
1682
01:32:02,687 --> 01:32:03,654
Jeez!
1683
01:32:05,490 --> 01:32:07,321
- Your knuckles are all bone!
- All right.
1684
01:32:07,425 --> 01:32:09,325
We get to call how hard
the other guy hits.
1685
01:32:09,427 --> 01:32:13,022
All right. Ten being the hardest,
how hard do you want it?
1686
01:32:13,131 --> 01:32:15,759
Five. In the back. In the back.
1687
01:32:20,372 --> 01:32:21,532
Oh, God!
1688
01:32:21,640 --> 01:32:25,303
Wonder what it feels like getting hit
in the middle of the forehead.
1689
01:32:28,079 --> 01:32:29,046
Jeez!
1690
01:32:30,915 --> 01:32:32,678
- All right, new rules!
- Okay.
1691
01:32:32,784 --> 01:32:34,046
I'm not gonna tell you
where I'm gonna hit you.
1692
01:32:34,152 --> 01:32:35,244
- No, I don't like that rule.
- No, it's good.
1693
01:32:35,353 --> 01:32:37,218
- No, it's not good.
- It's good. It simulates a real fight.
1694
01:32:37,322 --> 01:32:39,415
- Trust me.
- All right, fine.
1695
01:32:43,728 --> 01:32:45,025
I can't see this coming.
1696
01:32:45,130 --> 01:32:46,791
There's no way Wade can hurt me.
1697
01:32:49,334 --> 01:32:50,392
Not balls!
1698
01:32:51,503 --> 01:32:53,061
You hit me in the nuts!
1699
01:32:55,073 --> 01:32:58,201
Dear Mom, if you're reading this,
1700
01:32:59,044 --> 01:33:01,444
it's very possible that I'm dead.
1701
01:33:04,649 --> 01:33:08,710
If I don't survive, you should definitely
sue Emmit's family.
1702
01:33:09,087 --> 01:33:12,716
P.S. Sorry I let your silver platter
get stolen.
1703
01:33:12,924 --> 01:33:15,256
My raps and rhymes will become
more valuable now.
1704
01:33:15,360 --> 01:33:17,260
You're free to sell them
to Ghostface Killah.
1705
01:33:22,434 --> 01:33:24,959
Remember the plan.
Strike first and strike hard.
1706
01:33:25,070 --> 01:33:27,732
You go for the head. I'll go for the nuts.
1707
01:34:10,081 --> 01:34:12,948
It actually looks like a pretty cool party.
1708
01:34:15,854 --> 01:34:17,185
Oh! Hey, guys.
1709
01:34:17,322 --> 01:34:22,055
So, how does it feel to know
that death is just a few moments away?
1710
01:34:22,694 --> 01:34:25,162
- Where's Filkins?
- In the kitchen.
1711
01:34:28,099 --> 01:34:29,794
In case we don't make it,
1712
01:34:31,903 --> 01:34:34,269
- I don't want to have any regrets.
- Yeah.
1713
01:34:36,007 --> 01:34:37,065
Face!
1714
01:34:40,645 --> 01:34:42,806
I've already got the first hit
out of the way.
1715
01:34:42,914 --> 01:34:44,176
Let's get some.
1716
01:35:00,331 --> 01:35:02,492
Hey! Hey, hey. Everybody, everybody!
1717
01:35:02,834 --> 01:35:04,392
These kids actually came!
1718
01:35:04,502 --> 01:35:07,630
These are the Siamese queers
I've been telling you about!
1719
01:35:08,406 --> 01:35:11,068
They showed up!
They really are that dumb!
1720
01:35:11,443 --> 01:35:12,910
I hate when he calls me that.
1721
01:35:13,011 --> 01:35:15,707
So we're gonna have a good time!
Because they...
1722
01:35:24,389 --> 01:35:25,447
It worked.
1723
01:35:26,825 --> 01:35:28,816
- It's over!
- That was easy.
1724
01:35:28,993 --> 01:35:31,086
- We did it, we did it!
- We did.
1725
01:35:31,196 --> 01:35:35,326
Everybody, from ninth grade
to twelfth grade,
1726
01:35:35,567 --> 01:35:38,400
I promise you,
his reign of tyranny is over!
1727
01:35:39,070 --> 01:35:42,403
I proclaim it!
He will never bother us again!
1728
01:35:44,442 --> 01:35:45,909
And he's getting up!
1729
01:35:47,645 --> 01:35:49,135
You're dead.
1730
01:35:49,247 --> 01:35:50,908
And I'm in big trouble!
1731
01:36:04,963 --> 01:36:08,455
Catch me off guard?
You broke my stairs.
1732
01:36:09,100 --> 01:36:11,159
My father loved those stairs!
1733
01:36:15,974 --> 01:36:17,373
You blocking out the pain?
1734
01:36:17,475 --> 01:36:19,739
I thought I was for a second,
but I'm totally not.
1735
01:36:19,844 --> 01:36:21,471
You want to play?
1736
01:36:22,313 --> 01:36:23,405
Let's play.
1737
01:36:39,931 --> 01:36:43,059
Get up, get up, get up! Come on, Ryan.
1738
01:36:44,202 --> 01:36:48,070
You're like, super-hot.
I'm never gonna leave you.
1739
01:36:48,172 --> 01:36:50,902
- Ronnie! You're missing out.
- Okay.
1740
01:36:52,176 --> 01:36:53,473
Hey, boys!
1741
01:36:57,715 --> 01:37:00,013
Yo, Jay, give me some murder music.
1742
01:37:01,019 --> 01:37:03,852
This just gets better and better.
1743
01:37:11,095 --> 01:37:12,494
All right!
1744
01:37:14,499 --> 01:37:16,433
Hey, yo, yo. Back off.
1745
01:37:16,568 --> 01:37:18,695
I want to fight both these bitches.
1746
01:37:18,937 --> 01:37:22,930
They're yours, Filk!
They're yours, baby! Here we go.
1747
01:37:23,041 --> 01:37:24,906
- You're the bitch!
- Huh?
1748
01:37:30,214 --> 01:37:31,647
That's right!
1749
01:37:33,217 --> 01:37:34,309
What the...
1750
01:37:36,421 --> 01:37:38,787
- Emmit's got game!
- Oh, yeah!
1751
01:37:41,859 --> 01:37:43,952
- Good one, Ron!
- Come on!
1752
01:37:45,730 --> 01:37:47,664
Bear hug!
1753
01:37:47,765 --> 01:37:48,993
- Come on!
- Oh!
1754
01:37:59,544 --> 01:38:02,877
I have reach! I have reach!
1755
01:38:04,882 --> 01:38:08,318
Come on, Wade!
You're like Rocky! Get back out there!
1756
01:38:10,088 --> 01:38:13,819
- I can't breathe! I can't breathe!
- You're not gonna hurt me anymore?
1757
01:38:14,092 --> 01:38:17,220
I won't hurt you! You should let go!
I can't breathe, Ryan, can't breathe!
1758
01:38:17,328 --> 01:38:20,786
I'll let you go.
Not gonna hurt me anymore, are...
1759
01:38:22,367 --> 01:38:25,200
- I have reach!
- No! Wade!
1760
01:38:27,705 --> 01:38:29,570
Hey! Hey, there. Hey...
1761
01:38:31,409 --> 01:38:32,808
- Didn't hurt!
- Really?
1762
01:38:32,910 --> 01:38:34,002
Yeah.
1763
01:38:34,212 --> 01:38:35,907
Okay, that did.
1764
01:38:38,516 --> 01:38:40,074
Let that kid go.
1765
01:38:44,989 --> 01:38:48,152
Private Drillbit Taylor reporting for duty!
1766
01:38:48,693 --> 01:38:50,627
- Hoo-rah.
- You came back?
1767
01:38:50,795 --> 01:38:53,764
- Yeah.
- What the hell are you even doing here?
1768
01:38:54,465 --> 01:38:56,558
What, you need more money
from these geeks?
1769
01:38:56,668 --> 01:38:59,569
No. But this fight is over!
1770
01:39:00,238 --> 01:39:02,468
You hear me? Abierto!
1771
01:39:04,776 --> 01:39:05,743
Done.
1772
01:39:07,445 --> 01:39:10,414
It's over, people! Pack it up! Go home!
1773
01:39:10,682 --> 01:39:16,348
Look. You're a young man. You got...
You got a crazy look in your eye.
1774
01:39:17,755 --> 01:39:19,848
And it's really freaking me out right now.
1775
01:39:24,195 --> 01:39:25,389
Nice punch.
1776
01:39:26,330 --> 01:39:29,731
I try to be reasonable,
but I got to tell you,
1777
01:39:29,967 --> 01:39:35,269
these boys hired me as their bodyguard
and I will protect them!
1778
01:39:39,811 --> 01:39:41,301
Want to hear something crazy?
1779
01:39:41,412 --> 01:39:43,880
Deep inside you,
I know there's a good kid.
1780
01:39:46,584 --> 01:39:50,076
God damn it,
I'm sick of getting hit by this kid.
1781
01:39:50,288 --> 01:39:51,915
Come on, Drillbit. Kick his ass.
1782
01:39:52,023 --> 01:39:55,925
- I can't! He's a minor!
- No, he's not. He's 18.
1783
01:39:56,928 --> 01:39:58,828
You're 18?
1784
01:40:04,902 --> 01:40:06,597
That's it.
1785
01:40:16,180 --> 01:40:17,147
Drillbit!
1786
01:40:18,850 --> 01:40:20,112
How old are you?
1787
01:40:20,218 --> 01:40:22,982
Okay! All right, I'm 17. I'm a minor.
1788
01:40:23,087 --> 01:40:24,179
- My mom drives me to school.
- Come on!
1789
01:40:24,288 --> 01:40:25,550
I swear to God!
1790
01:40:26,057 --> 01:40:27,354
That was awesome.
1791
01:40:27,458 --> 01:40:29,949
Man, Drillbit, you're badass.
1792
01:40:30,595 --> 01:40:32,756
I don't think I could do that again.
1793
01:40:33,030 --> 01:40:34,827
It's weird. I guess it's like
1794
01:40:34,932 --> 01:40:37,924
when a mother
lifts an automobile off a child.
1795
01:40:38,035 --> 01:40:39,696
- Yeah.
- You just get that burst of strength.
1796
01:40:39,804 --> 01:40:41,362
That's the only way I can explain it.
1797
01:40:41,472 --> 01:40:44,373
Adrenaline. That's the word for it.
1798
01:40:44,475 --> 01:40:47,706
My hands are...
My hands are still shaking.
1799
01:40:48,312 --> 01:40:51,213
- Thanks for coming back.
- You kidding me? I had to do it.
1800
01:40:51,315 --> 01:40:53,249
I'm not gonna go AWOL on you boys.
1801
01:40:53,351 --> 01:40:55,148
I made that mistake one...
1802
01:40:55,386 --> 01:40:59,152
Crap on a shit sandwich!
I'm out of here, boys! Adios!
1803
01:41:00,024 --> 01:41:01,252
Bye, Drillbit!
1804
01:41:01,492 --> 01:41:02,550
Hey, fags!
1805
01:41:04,662 --> 01:41:06,357
This ain't over!
1806
01:41:17,341 --> 01:41:19,206
- He feels no pain.
- Whoa.
1807
01:41:23,047 --> 01:41:24,446
Was that my pinky?
1808
01:41:28,252 --> 01:41:30,720
- Are you okay?
- My finger!
1809
01:41:30,822 --> 01:41:31,789
You okay?
1810
01:41:31,923 --> 01:41:33,584
- I'm so sorry.
- Why did I catch a sword?
1811
01:41:33,691 --> 01:41:35,158
- I lost it. No, no.
- Let me see it. Let me see it.
1812
01:41:35,259 --> 01:41:38,695
- I lost it.
- Let me see it. Let me see it.
1813
01:41:38,830 --> 01:41:40,627
No, it's okay. I'm blocking the pain.
1814
01:41:40,731 --> 01:41:43,131
I can't block this pain.
Get some ice for me.
1815
01:41:43,234 --> 01:41:44,667
It's not bad. Here, help me find it
1816
01:41:44,769 --> 01:41:45,997
- before the ants get it.
- Where'd you last see it?
1817
01:41:46,103 --> 01:41:48,003
- Look in the grass.
- My dad, yo, just don't tell my dad!
1818
01:41:48,105 --> 01:41:49,265
Help me, guys!
Find it before a rat gets it!
1819
01:41:49,373 --> 01:41:50,601
See it? Look over there.
1820
01:41:50,708 --> 01:41:51,902
- Is that it?
- Where?
1821
01:41:52,009 --> 01:41:53,806
Hey, guys, I found it!
1822
01:41:55,947 --> 01:41:57,209
No!
1823
01:41:58,149 --> 01:41:59,275
We found it.
1824
01:42:01,018 --> 01:42:02,110
Get me some ice.
1825
01:42:02,220 --> 01:42:02,820
- Ice!
- Ice!
1826
01:42:02,820 --> 01:42:03,218
- Ice!
- Ice!
1827
01:42:03,321 --> 01:42:04,379
Margarita all right?
1828
01:42:04,488 --> 01:42:06,217
Oh, my God.
1829
01:42:06,324 --> 01:42:07,382
Bro!
1830
01:42:07,491 --> 01:42:08,924
Come on, buddy.
We got to get you to a hospital.
1831
01:42:09,026 --> 01:42:11,358
- All right, let's go.
- Let's go.
1832
01:42:11,462 --> 01:42:13,191
It's gonna be okay.
1833
01:42:13,297 --> 01:42:16,596
Congratulations, boys.
You just caught the great Bob Taylor.
1834
01:42:16,701 --> 01:42:18,828
Fantastic. No alcohol in the car, sir.
1835
01:42:18,936 --> 01:42:21,598
Oh, yeah.
Well, let me get the finger out.
1836
01:42:24,775 --> 01:42:25,969
Hoo-rah.
1837
01:42:28,546 --> 01:42:30,776
- Yo, dudes, that was awesome!
- Thanks, man.
1838
01:42:30,882 --> 01:42:32,941
Man, you have no idea how long kids
have been waiting to do that.
1839
01:42:33,050 --> 01:42:34,540
- Thanks.
- Dude, this is gonna be blogged,
1840
01:42:34,652 --> 01:42:35,619
for sure!
1841
01:42:35,720 --> 01:42:38,416
I am so glad
I did not go to my sister's birthday party!
1842
01:42:39,357 --> 01:42:40,346
Hey.
1843
01:42:40,458 --> 01:42:41,982
He was amazing.
1844
01:42:42,627 --> 01:42:44,390
You know,
Terry's just always been crazy.
1845
01:42:44,495 --> 01:42:46,554
You know, he's threatened me
with his sword all the time.
1846
01:42:46,664 --> 01:42:48,461
I'm just tired of being scared, you know?
1847
01:42:48,566 --> 01:42:51,057
- Hey, are you okay?
- Yeah.
1848
01:42:54,005 --> 01:42:57,805
When the adrenaline rush passes,
I'm gonna be in a lot more pain.
1849
01:42:59,510 --> 01:43:02,377
I don't want you to think I'm the kind of
guy who tries to impress girls
1850
01:43:02,480 --> 01:43:05,506
with violence,
but that was kind of for you.
1851
01:43:07,184 --> 01:43:09,812
That was very brave of you.
1852
01:43:19,964 --> 01:43:23,161
You know, Emmit,
I can't believe I'm saying this...
1853
01:43:24,669 --> 01:43:28,765
You, my friend, are one crazy
son of a bitch, you know that?
1854
01:43:28,873 --> 01:43:30,898
You have no idea how scared I was.
1855
01:43:31,008 --> 01:43:34,273
All right. Now, let's go get
something to eat. I'm starving.
1856
01:43:38,149 --> 01:43:41,312
Dear Wade, Ryan and little, tiny Emmit.
1857
01:43:41,419 --> 01:43:43,819
Thanks for sending the Cap'n Crunch.
1858
01:43:43,988 --> 01:43:45,979
Suddenly, I'm very popular in here.
1859
01:43:46,090 --> 01:43:50,652
Hey, Bob. Give me some of that Cap'n
Crunch or I'll stab you in the shower.
1860
01:43:52,763 --> 01:43:53,957
Just kidding.
1861
01:43:56,467 --> 01:43:59,095
I was glad to read
in your last correspondence
1862
01:43:59,203 --> 01:44:02,639
that Filkins was shipped off
back to Hong Kong
1863
01:44:02,740 --> 01:44:06,369
to be with his parents for breaking
so many underage drinking laws.
1864
01:44:06,911 --> 01:44:10,347
Now maybe high school can be
what you want it to be
1865
01:44:10,448 --> 01:44:12,348
- instead of sucking rat nads.
- Oh, yeah.
1866
01:44:13,517 --> 01:44:14,609
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
1867
01:44:15,286 --> 01:44:18,653
As for me, every time I look
at where my pinky used to be,
1868
01:44:18,889 --> 01:44:21,858
I think of you boys
and our battles together.
1869
01:44:22,293 --> 01:44:23,658
It's kind of cool.
1870
01:44:24,095 --> 01:44:26,188
Luckily, they have
a work release program,
1871
01:44:26,297 --> 01:44:28,595
and they say I should
be able to land a job,
1872
01:44:28,699 --> 01:44:30,530
which excites me a great deal.
1873
01:44:30,634 --> 01:44:32,932
And speaking of exciting me
a great deal,
1874
01:44:33,037 --> 01:44:35,335
Miss Zachey and I
have been in contact.
1875
01:44:35,473 --> 01:44:39,307
I don't know why women dig
guys in prison, but they really do.
1876
01:44:39,410 --> 01:44:43,312
On top of that, all I can say is,
I miss you guys
1877
01:44:43,414 --> 01:44:45,177
and will see you when I get out.
1878
01:44:45,282 --> 01:44:49,116
Which, thanks to the currently lenient
nature of the United States Army
1879
01:44:49,220 --> 01:44:51,848
deserting laws is in two days from now,
1880
01:44:51,989 --> 01:44:55,220
officially satisfying
my three-week sentence.
1881
01:44:55,659 --> 01:44:57,854
- Your brother, Bob Taylor.
- See you, Drillbit.
1882
01:44:57,962 --> 01:45:00,760
- AKA Drillbit.
- Later, bro.
1883
01:45:00,998 --> 01:45:04,058
AKA, Alamo Taylor.
1884
01:45:04,602 --> 01:45:06,968
I still like the sound of that.
1885
01:45:09,840 --> 01:45:11,637
There you are!
1886
01:45:12,777 --> 01:45:14,267
- Drillbit!
- Come on.
1887
01:45:14,378 --> 01:45:15,675
- Oh, my God.
- There he is.
1888
01:45:15,780 --> 01:45:17,577
Come on, get in here!
Come here! Fall in!
1889
01:45:17,681 --> 01:45:19,979
- He's a free man!
- Give me a hug!
1890
01:45:20,117 --> 01:45:21,948
Give me a hug. Yeah.
1891
01:45:22,286 --> 01:45:24,720
Well, that's gonna keep me smiling
all day, huh?
1892
01:45:24,822 --> 01:45:26,312
Yeah, that's my buddy, Drillbit.
1893
01:45:26,424 --> 01:45:27,982
He's a cool guy.
We're in a fight right now.
1894
01:45:28,092 --> 01:45:28,359
This has been the longest
three weeks of my life.
1895
01:45:28,359 --> 01:45:29,553
This has been the longest
three weeks of my life.
1896
01:45:29,660 --> 01:45:31,025
I missed you, too.
1897
01:45:31,729 --> 01:45:33,526
- Feels good.
- You gonna shake the jail?
1898
01:45:33,631 --> 01:45:35,531
- It wasn't that bad.
- Come on, let's go.
1899
01:45:35,633 --> 01:45:38,329
You know, the guy in the next cell taught
me some Spanish.
1900
01:45:38,436 --> 01:45:41,701
Did you know abierto means "open"?
1901
01:49:34,972 --> 01:49:37,338
Help! I'm bleeding!
1902
01:49:38,609 --> 01:49:41,635
Come here, soldier.
Let me take a look at that.
1903
01:49:42,112 --> 01:49:44,046
Come here. Jump up there.
1904
01:49:44,148 --> 01:49:48,983
You got a little bloody nose.
Tilt your head back, 45-degree angle.
1905
01:49:49,987 --> 01:49:52,512
- What happened?
- Somebody punched me.
1906
01:49:54,024 --> 01:49:59,519
Tell me his name. Names.
It'll never happen again.