1 00:01:48,752 --> 00:01:50,777 Oh, shit. 2 00:02:11,307 --> 00:02:12,467 You just got Wolfed. 3 00:02:13,376 --> 00:02:15,241 - What? - That is an official trademark... 4 00:02:15,445 --> 00:02:17,007 ...that I am getting registered. 5 00:02:17,414 --> 00:02:20,383 It's a lot of stuff you gotta do, hoops you gotta jump through. 6 00:02:20,383 --> 00:02:21,811 Gotta get on the Internet. 7 00:02:22,018 --> 00:02:26,182 Gotta go to some stupid-ass website where you register a catch phrase. 8 00:02:26,389 --> 00:02:29,722 I wanted "Bam," but Emeril had taken it. 9 00:02:31,227 --> 00:02:33,354 I'm rambling, man. Get up, man. Get up, man. 10 00:02:36,833 --> 00:02:38,164 Is the contender ready? 11 00:02:38,368 --> 00:02:40,768 - Ready. - Is the gladiator ready? 12 00:02:42,939 --> 00:02:45,339 Three, two, one. 13 00:02:45,809 --> 00:02:47,401 Things are heating up for the Wolf. 14 00:02:47,977 --> 00:02:49,842 I just opened a Target in Reseda... 15 00:02:50,513 --> 00:02:53,243 ...and my own brand of BBQ sauce. 16 00:02:53,716 --> 00:02:59,086 I'm calling it Wolf's BBQ Sauce, available in regular and chipotle. 17 00:03:00,523 --> 00:03:02,753 You still going? You still want more of this, man? 18 00:03:02,959 --> 00:03:04,950 I learned that in Oriental land. 19 00:03:05,161 --> 00:03:08,028 Whoa, yeah. U.S. A! 20 00:03:13,136 --> 00:03:16,037 They're so small anyway, from steroids. 21 00:03:39,929 --> 00:03:41,123 A saber-tooth. 22 00:03:44,434 --> 00:03:45,833 Amy Winehouse? 23 00:03:51,107 --> 00:03:52,301 Piss off. 24 00:03:52,509 --> 00:03:55,478 You don't wanna mess with a bitch straight out of rehab. 25 00:03:56,279 --> 00:04:01,649 Listen, like the dinosaurs being destroyed by the Ice Age... 26 00:04:01,851 --> 00:04:05,252 ...you, too, will soon be extinct. 27 00:04:05,455 --> 00:04:06,683 When? 28 00:04:06,890 --> 00:04:09,791 - How much time do we have? - Bloody hell. 29 00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:13,023 Just calm down. Do you know you're speaking so fast... 30 00:04:13,229 --> 00:04:16,596 ...I can't even hear, mate? You're making my head hurt. 31 00:04:16,799 --> 00:04:18,699 Or maybe that was the gasoline I drank. 32 00:04:18,902 --> 00:04:23,737 Oh, my God, it was good. Oh, God, I love drinking gasoline. 33 00:04:23,940 --> 00:04:26,204 It's excellent for the vocal cords. 34 00:04:26,409 --> 00:04:28,001 That's my little secret. 35 00:04:28,211 --> 00:04:30,509 - You're welcome. - How much time do we have? 36 00:04:31,548 --> 00:04:33,277 Let me see. 37 00:04:33,483 --> 00:04:34,609 Hang on a bit. 38 00:04:36,085 --> 00:04:37,143 There we go. 39 00:04:38,187 --> 00:04:40,485 All right, let's have a look-see. 40 00:04:43,226 --> 00:04:44,818 Everyone's on Facebook. 41 00:04:45,028 --> 00:04:46,996 It says... 42 00:04:48,231 --> 00:04:54,170 ...that the end of the world will be August 29th, 2008. 43 00:04:57,674 --> 00:04:58,732 Oh, God. 44 00:05:01,844 --> 00:05:03,607 Bottoms up. 45 00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:52,584 Sick. 46 00:05:53,262 --> 00:05:56,459 Mark my words, leather boy. 47 00:05:56,833 --> 00:05:58,630 Cave dweller. 48 00:05:58,835 --> 00:06:01,429 Beaver hunter. 49 00:06:03,272 --> 00:06:08,073 Your doom lies with this. 50 00:06:10,780 --> 00:06:14,272 - The crystal skull. - That's right. Did your nibblies go tight? 51 00:06:14,484 --> 00:06:16,975 Yeah, they did. Just went up inside you, didn't they? 52 00:06:26,129 --> 00:06:27,255 Oh, boy. 53 00:06:33,803 --> 00:06:36,704 I knew I shouldn't have taken all those Ambien. 54 00:06:46,082 --> 00:06:49,950 Amy. Wake up, baby. I just had the weirdest dream. 55 00:06:50,586 --> 00:06:52,053 Amy. 56 00:06:52,355 --> 00:06:53,788 What? What the...? 57 00:06:53,990 --> 00:06:57,357 Flava-Flav! Yeah, boy! 58 00:06:57,560 --> 00:06:59,858 I've been giving your girl the flavor of love. 59 00:07:00,063 --> 00:07:03,624 She's been sucking my clock all night long. 60 00:07:03,833 --> 00:07:05,357 Get the hell out of here, Flava! 61 00:07:06,202 --> 00:07:08,500 I'm Flava-Flav! 62 00:07:12,408 --> 00:07:14,774 - What is that about? - What? 63 00:07:14,977 --> 00:07:17,207 You said you didn't wanna be in a relationship. 64 00:07:18,114 --> 00:07:20,708 I know, but Flava? 65 00:07:22,085 --> 00:07:23,712 Will... 66 00:07:25,455 --> 00:07:27,355 ...I wanna take it to the next level. 67 00:07:32,662 --> 00:07:33,822 I love you. 68 00:07:35,598 --> 00:07:37,532 I like you too. 69 00:07:40,002 --> 00:07:41,867 Oh, man. 70 00:07:43,206 --> 00:07:45,231 Look, you don't understand. 71 00:07:45,441 --> 00:07:47,875 I think the world is coming to an end. 72 00:07:48,911 --> 00:07:51,141 That's a way of saying you have commitment issues. 73 00:07:53,082 --> 00:07:56,540 Unbelievable. Come on, Jojo. 74 00:07:59,355 --> 00:08:00,413 You're taking Jojo? 75 00:08:01,924 --> 00:08:02,913 Goodbye, Will. 76 00:08:05,428 --> 00:08:07,521 Are you still coming to my Sweet 16 party? 77 00:08:08,097 --> 00:08:09,564 You're 25. 78 00:08:09,766 --> 00:08:12,234 - I never had one. - Grow up. 79 00:08:39,295 --> 00:08:40,626 Yeah. 80 00:08:43,299 --> 00:08:46,166 - Hey. - Yeah. 81 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:07,211 Amy, you came. 82 00:09:21,470 --> 00:09:22,937 Come on. 83 00:09:23,739 --> 00:09:25,331 Oh, hey, Will. 84 00:09:25,541 --> 00:09:27,771 - Happy Sweet 16. - Thanks. 85 00:09:28,344 --> 00:09:30,904 Take a look at these. 86 00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:32,580 Oh, God. 87 00:09:35,384 --> 00:09:38,979 Hey, Will. It's your buddy, Dr. Phil. 88 00:09:42,525 --> 00:09:45,460 Hey, let me show you why my frat brothers... 89 00:09:45,661 --> 00:09:48,528 ...used to call me Dr. Phil-You-Up. 90 00:09:48,731 --> 00:09:50,756 Oh, hey, baby. 91 00:09:55,805 --> 00:09:58,467 Dyke. Come back here, I like it rough. 92 00:09:59,275 --> 00:10:02,108 Hey, Will, where's that girlfriend of yours, Amy? 93 00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:04,211 Don't let her get away. 94 00:10:04,413 --> 00:10:08,440 She's a real quality girl, a real keeper, like that one. 95 00:10:08,651 --> 00:10:10,346 Hey, come on back here, you whore. 96 00:10:10,887 --> 00:10:12,445 Thanks. 97 00:10:14,156 --> 00:10:14,906 Yo! 98 00:10:16,192 --> 00:10:19,855 Let's prank his ass. He passed out. 99 00:10:29,238 --> 00:10:30,500 He's sleeping like a baby. 100 00:10:31,073 --> 00:10:33,837 We can put his hands in warm water. 101 00:10:35,311 --> 00:10:36,539 Or I have a better idea. 102 00:10:36,746 --> 00:10:39,476 - Call it. - Tails. 103 00:10:42,251 --> 00:10:43,240 It is tails. 104 00:10:56,232 --> 00:10:57,756 Punch. 105 00:11:01,470 --> 00:11:03,062 What's up, baby? 106 00:11:03,706 --> 00:11:05,606 Those guys are trying to steal our booze. 107 00:11:05,808 --> 00:11:07,537 - What? - We gotta get the alcohol... 108 00:11:07,743 --> 00:11:10,906 ...so we can get the girls drunk so we can finally get laid. 109 00:11:11,113 --> 00:11:12,444 I am McLover. 110 00:11:12,648 --> 00:11:14,912 - Yeah, I know. - I am McLover. 111 00:11:15,117 --> 00:11:18,245 - Stop saying that. - I am McLover. 112 00:11:18,454 --> 00:11:20,183 God, you are such a douche. 113 00:11:20,389 --> 00:11:22,687 Yeah, fake ID, what? 114 00:11:23,192 --> 00:11:25,092 Just get the booze. 115 00:11:25,294 --> 00:11:27,387 Nobody tries to steal my Goldschläger. 116 00:11:27,596 --> 00:11:29,689 Shoot the target. 117 00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:35,529 Lisa, how am I supposed to do that? I don't even have a clear shot. 118 00:11:45,014 --> 00:11:47,539 - Curve the bullet. - Say what? 119 00:11:48,184 --> 00:11:51,915 You can control the bullet to go wherever you want. 120 00:11:57,293 --> 00:11:59,420 Don't tell him what to do. He's my man. 121 00:11:59,628 --> 00:12:01,721 Back off, bitch. You don't want none of me. 122 00:12:07,136 --> 00:12:08,626 Shit. 123 00:12:10,006 --> 00:12:11,132 Get off of me. 124 00:12:19,849 --> 00:12:21,646 Come on, bitch. 125 00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:38,992 Take that, bitch. 126 00:12:45,541 --> 00:12:46,633 How do you like that? 127 00:12:52,415 --> 00:12:55,316 Pretty little thing. Oh, look at you laying there. 128 00:12:55,518 --> 00:12:59,045 I should kiss you. Give me a kiss, baby. 129 00:13:16,038 --> 00:13:17,835 Left foot, yellow. 130 00:13:19,075 --> 00:13:20,508 Calvin? 131 00:13:20,709 --> 00:13:22,370 Calvin. 132 00:13:22,578 --> 00:13:25,547 - Are you gonna curve the bullet or what? - Hello? 133 00:13:26,148 --> 00:13:28,582 Yeah. Yeah, right, right. 134 00:13:32,254 --> 00:13:34,814 Let's go back to my hot tub. You can suck on my... 135 00:13:36,559 --> 00:13:39,221 - Damn. - Sorry, Phil. 136 00:13:44,033 --> 00:13:47,002 Shit. I can... I can do this. 137 00:13:53,275 --> 00:13:55,072 - Shit. Hurry up. - Dude. 138 00:13:56,245 --> 00:13:58,406 Just curve the bullet. 139 00:13:58,614 --> 00:14:00,775 I know you have the power. 140 00:14:18,567 --> 00:14:21,559 Fucking hurry up. Hurry up. 141 00:14:23,139 --> 00:14:24,572 Nice shot, asshole. 142 00:14:32,548 --> 00:14:35,745 Juney, why won't you Have an abortion? 143 00:14:35,951 --> 00:14:39,011 You're not exactly part of The Christian Coalition 144 00:14:39,221 --> 00:14:43,555 I could just grab a wire hanger And do it myself 145 00:14:45,761 --> 00:14:48,889 Like Jamie Lynn Spears I'm keeping this baby 146 00:14:49,098 --> 00:14:52,226 And, look, stud You are no George Clooney 147 00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:57,064 In fact, I just sold the baby To the highest bidder on eBay 148 00:15:01,977 --> 00:15:05,105 You're a sarcastic teen Who talks like she's 30... 149 00:15:20,262 --> 00:15:22,492 - Think Amy's coming tonight? - Man, I don't know. 150 00:15:22,698 --> 00:15:24,723 That's your girlfriend. 151 00:15:24,934 --> 00:15:26,492 Actually, we broke up. 152 00:15:26,702 --> 00:15:29,034 Oh, you want some new booty. 153 00:15:29,238 --> 00:15:30,466 - A little Asian freak. - No... 154 00:15:30,673 --> 00:15:33,039 A little "One Night in Bangkok," a little sake-sake. 155 00:15:33,242 --> 00:15:36,177 I saw Memoirs of a Geisha. I know that shit goes on. 156 00:15:36,378 --> 00:15:38,346 I'm in love with her. 157 00:15:38,547 --> 00:15:40,640 Then what your dumb ass break up with her for? 158 00:15:40,849 --> 00:15:42,612 It never would've worked out. 159 00:15:42,818 --> 00:15:45,048 It's better to end it than to end up hurting her. 160 00:15:45,254 --> 00:15:47,950 You know what? You got commitment issues, dog. 161 00:15:48,157 --> 00:15:51,183 Well, I didn't exactly have the best example growing up. 162 00:15:51,393 --> 00:15:53,793 I never even knew my dad. He split when I was young. 163 00:15:55,931 --> 00:15:58,058 That's your girl right there. 164 00:16:01,704 --> 00:16:02,898 Who's that dude she with? 165 00:16:03,105 --> 00:16:06,199 She started dating some Calvin Klein underwear model. 166 00:16:10,713 --> 00:16:13,580 Forget about her, man. I got something that'll cheer you up. 167 00:16:17,553 --> 00:16:20,545 Dude, what is up with the marching band? 168 00:16:20,756 --> 00:16:23,554 What better way to celebrate your super-duper Sweet 16... 169 00:16:24,159 --> 00:16:25,751 ...than with a high school musical? 170 00:16:34,670 --> 00:16:38,697 Tonight, tonight We're gonna get real crunk 171 00:16:38,907 --> 00:16:42,536 Tonight, tonight, A bum's peeing in the punch 172 00:16:47,850 --> 00:16:51,616 Hello, my friends You're all at my party 173 00:16:51,820 --> 00:16:55,847 It's so good to see all of you 174 00:16:56,058 --> 00:17:00,085 My ex-girl, Amy And my main man, Calvin 175 00:17:00,296 --> 00:17:04,198 And the priest that molested me too 176 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:08,097 That reminds me Of the time I was in college 177 00:17:08,304 --> 00:17:10,864 I was experimenting 178 00:17:12,508 --> 00:17:16,205 Hooking up with a hot Foreign-exchange student 179 00:17:16,412 --> 00:17:20,314 I think his name was Hop Sing 180 00:17:20,916 --> 00:17:24,647 We'll all be friends forever 181 00:17:24,853 --> 00:17:28,983 Unless a random disaster Destroys the city 182 00:17:29,191 --> 00:17:32,957 We'll all be friends forever 183 00:17:33,162 --> 00:17:38,031 Because if that happened It'd be kind of shitty 184 00:17:39,034 --> 00:17:41,127 One, two, three, four 185 00:17:41,670 --> 00:17:45,367 After we split I took the break-up real hard 186 00:17:45,574 --> 00:17:49,738 - I started foolin' around - Foolin' around 187 00:17:49,945 --> 00:17:53,779 I did a black dude I thought he was Kanye 188 00:17:53,982 --> 00:17:57,679 And the Jonas Brothers all got down 189 00:17:57,886 --> 00:18:01,822 Now that you're split I'll get her hooked on the reefer 190 00:18:02,024 --> 00:18:06,358 Yeah, I'll start pimping her out 191 00:18:06,562 --> 00:18:09,030 - Wait, what? - Hey, hey, now. 192 00:18:09,431 --> 00:18:12,696 Snoop Dogg's got nothin' on this playa 193 00:18:12,901 --> 00:18:17,770 I'll get the first prize at the Playa's Ball 194 00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:20,870 Hey, hey, man, whoa! 195 00:18:21,076 --> 00:18:24,409 Yeah, it's going on and on We can do it all day long 196 00:18:24,613 --> 00:18:27,741 It's the new phenomenon, whoa! 197 00:18:27,950 --> 00:18:31,852 Yeah, it's going on and on It's the new phenomenon 198 00:18:33,122 --> 00:18:36,990 We'll all be friends forever 199 00:18:37,192 --> 00:18:40,855 Unless a random disaster Destroys the city 200 00:18:41,063 --> 00:18:44,965 We'll all be friends forever 201 00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:50,002 Because if that happened It'd be kind of shitty 202 00:18:51,206 --> 00:18:53,367 One, two, three, four 203 00:18:53,575 --> 00:18:56,305 J.T.'s here. J. T! 204 00:18:59,815 --> 00:19:01,339 Oh, babe 205 00:19:03,051 --> 00:19:05,747 If I sang you a melody 206 00:19:05,954 --> 00:19:10,414 Would you toss me Your panties? 207 00:19:17,299 --> 00:19:18,891 I don't mean to be a boastful man 208 00:19:19,101 --> 00:19:21,126 But I've done groupies in my touring van 209 00:19:21,336 --> 00:19:23,201 Britney, Cameron, Scarlett too 210 00:19:23,405 --> 00:19:25,498 They all like a taste of my fondue 211 00:19:26,842 --> 00:19:30,710 Come to think of it I've had so much ass 212 00:19:30,913 --> 00:19:33,541 All that's left for me is Lance Bass 213 00:19:34,950 --> 00:19:37,885 Look, everyone. It's Jessica Simpson. 214 00:19:52,601 --> 00:19:56,093 My boobs are for Jesus 215 00:19:56,305 --> 00:19:58,603 All of this, all for Jesus 216 00:19:58,807 --> 00:20:00,365 Put your pants back on, Dad. 217 00:20:00,576 --> 00:20:04,307 Go, Romo! Oh, my God. He's gonna score a basket goal. 218 00:20:04,513 --> 00:20:07,243 Wait. What's it called again? Oh, my gosh, I totally forget. 219 00:20:07,449 --> 00:20:09,576 What is it, a rubdown? 220 00:20:09,785 --> 00:20:11,685 What? A tickle down. 221 00:20:11,887 --> 00:20:14,583 Oh, a touchdown. 222 00:20:14,790 --> 00:20:16,314 Frigging jinx. 223 00:20:18,293 --> 00:20:19,885 Gosh. 224 00:20:20,662 --> 00:20:24,257 We'll all be friends forever 225 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:28,593 Unless a random disaster Destroys the city 226 00:20:28,804 --> 00:20:33,002 We'll all be friends forever 227 00:20:33,208 --> 00:20:37,907 Because if that happened It'd be kind of shitty 228 00:20:38,814 --> 00:20:41,510 One, two, three, four, hooray! 229 00:20:46,188 --> 00:20:47,678 What's going on? 230 00:20:54,696 --> 00:20:55,754 What the hell was that? 231 00:20:55,964 --> 00:20:58,023 This is an emergency broadcast. 232 00:20:58,233 --> 00:21:00,133 This is an emergency broadcast. 233 00:21:00,335 --> 00:21:02,303 Shut up, everybody. Listen. 234 00:21:02,504 --> 00:21:04,028 Something has jolted the city. 235 00:21:04,239 --> 00:21:07,902 We're getting reports it could be an earthquake or some shit like that. 236 00:21:08,110 --> 00:21:09,134 Oh, shit. 237 00:21:09,344 --> 00:21:13,041 Seismologists have marked the epicenter at a trendy loft district... 238 00:21:13,248 --> 00:21:15,648 ... whose residents are attractive twentysomethings... 239 00:21:15,851 --> 00:21:17,682 ... who dance to bad '80s music... 240 00:21:17,886 --> 00:21:21,947 ... wear Abercrombie & Fitch, and like to drink light beer. 241 00:21:22,925 --> 00:21:24,722 Oh, God, we're all gonna die! 242 00:21:26,161 --> 00:21:28,186 Take a Xanax, Fabio. 243 00:21:28,397 --> 00:21:32,333 You're wigging harder than a smack addict at an Iggy show circa '73. 244 00:21:32,801 --> 00:21:33,927 What? 245 00:21:34,136 --> 00:21:38,129 It's cool, Moe Dee. Sir Cries-a-Lot. 246 00:21:38,740 --> 00:21:40,731 You're totally giving me the stink eye. 247 00:21:42,578 --> 00:21:44,512 FYI, Battlecrotch Galactica... 248 00:21:44,713 --> 00:21:46,943 ...you're grape smuggling harder than Cornelius... 249 00:21:47,149 --> 00:21:51,051 ...in Planet of the Apes. The original, not Tim Burton's. 250 00:21:51,253 --> 00:21:54,245 And BT-dubs, I haven't seen a six-pack like that... 251 00:21:54,456 --> 00:21:57,892 ...since I shotgunned Molson Golden at Lollapalooza. 252 00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,425 I don't understand a thing you're saying. 253 00:22:00,629 --> 00:22:05,066 That's because I speak in overly written, clever-for-clever's-sake quips. 254 00:22:14,209 --> 00:22:16,439 Time to get this sea monkey plastered. 255 00:22:31,994 --> 00:22:34,986 This is an emergency broadcast. 256 00:22:37,899 --> 00:22:41,357 - Amy. Are you okay? - Yeah. 257 00:22:42,270 --> 00:22:44,238 Why did you bring another guy to my party? 258 00:22:44,439 --> 00:22:47,203 - Why do you care? - Because l... 259 00:22:48,610 --> 00:22:50,077 I don't. 260 00:22:51,613 --> 00:22:53,205 I'm out of here. 261 00:22:53,415 --> 00:22:54,609 Later, bitch. 262 00:22:56,018 --> 00:22:57,246 You know what, Will? 263 00:22:57,452 --> 00:23:00,944 Every time we made love, I was thinking about another guy. 264 00:23:01,923 --> 00:23:03,447 Well, so was I. 265 00:23:07,696 --> 00:23:09,493 - Damn it. - Will! 266 00:23:10,499 --> 00:23:12,057 You gotta hear this. 267 00:23:12,434 --> 00:23:15,562 The quake erupted a gas main and destroyed the ghetto. 268 00:23:16,772 --> 00:23:20,071 - I can live with that. - Oh, hell, no. 269 00:23:20,275 --> 00:23:22,175 - Cracker. - We're now getting reports... 270 00:23:22,377 --> 00:23:24,937 ... that asteroids are falling out of the sky and... 271 00:23:25,147 --> 00:23:26,307 End of the world. 272 00:23:26,515 --> 00:23:28,642 And a Pinkberry has just been destroyed. 273 00:23:33,822 --> 00:23:35,153 It's like my dream. 274 00:23:37,292 --> 00:23:40,455 I repeat, a Pinkberry has just been destroyed. 275 00:23:59,648 --> 00:24:01,582 God, what the hell's happening? 276 00:24:01,783 --> 00:24:04,274 - I think it's the apocalypse. - It's Armageddon. 277 00:24:04,486 --> 00:24:06,044 I think I just shit myself. 278 00:24:22,304 --> 00:24:23,293 Let's go. 279 00:24:26,308 --> 00:24:29,072 Oh, my God. Hannah Montana's dead. 280 00:24:31,213 --> 00:24:32,053 Oh, no. 281 00:24:33,849 --> 00:24:37,285 Well, goodbye, all my fans. 282 00:24:37,486 --> 00:24:39,044 Keep rocking. 283 00:24:47,095 --> 00:24:50,861 She is a national treasure! 284 00:24:54,736 --> 00:24:56,931 Also, remind your parents... 285 00:24:57,139 --> 00:25:00,575 ...to pick up your official Hannah Montana lunchbox... 286 00:25:00,776 --> 00:25:02,937 ...Hannah Montana cheese grater... 287 00:25:03,145 --> 00:25:05,079 ...and Hannah Montana toilet paper. 288 00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:08,977 And be sure to tune in to my Summer in Montana concert... 289 00:25:09,184 --> 00:25:13,314 ...this Wednesday, 8, 7 Central. 290 00:25:15,724 --> 00:25:19,216 I waited in line for two days for these tickets. 291 00:25:19,427 --> 00:25:20,951 Damn. 292 00:25:23,198 --> 00:25:29,433 And let me just say, those totally sexy and utterly provocative pictures of me... 293 00:25:29,638 --> 00:25:35,076 ...were leaked onto MySpace completely without my permission. 294 00:25:35,577 --> 00:25:38,011 But if you'll notice in those pictures... 295 00:25:38,213 --> 00:25:40,181 ...l'm wearing my new line of sexy... 296 00:25:40,382 --> 00:25:46,082 ...Hannah Montana lingerie, now available at Target. 297 00:25:55,263 --> 00:25:57,788 Oh, my God. Hannah Montana is really Miley Cyrus. 298 00:25:57,999 --> 00:26:00,763 Well, duh. No shit, Sherlock. 299 00:26:00,969 --> 00:26:04,427 All I do is wear a wig and change my voice a little bit... 300 00:26:04,639 --> 00:26:07,802 ...and those dumb kids can't tell the difference. 301 00:26:08,009 --> 00:26:11,604 Then I get twice the pay and twice the merchandise. 302 00:26:11,813 --> 00:26:14,179 Just a reminder, my new CD comes out. 303 00:26:14,382 --> 00:26:17,317 Miley Cyrus: Underage. 304 00:26:17,519 --> 00:26:22,115 It's available in stores now. Featuring songs from my dad, Billy Ray. 305 00:26:22,324 --> 00:26:23,524 Only 9.95. 306 00:26:29,931 --> 00:26:31,330 Can somebody help us? 307 00:26:31,533 --> 00:26:33,467 Isn't there anybody that can help? 308 00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:40,037 Hey, Hancock. 309 00:26:41,009 --> 00:26:42,670 Hancock? 310 00:26:43,545 --> 00:26:44,773 We need help. 311 00:26:46,715 --> 00:26:48,376 Wake up, you drunk motherfucker. 312 00:26:48,583 --> 00:26:51,780 Get your punk ass up, fly down there, and fix that shit. 313 00:26:53,755 --> 00:26:55,620 Asshole! 314 00:27:01,730 --> 00:27:03,163 Oh, hell, no. 315 00:27:03,365 --> 00:27:05,162 Big Willie's out of here. 316 00:27:12,974 --> 00:27:15,067 I need a drink. 317 00:27:23,084 --> 00:27:24,847 Holy shit! 318 00:27:25,053 --> 00:27:27,317 - It's coming this way. - What should we do? 319 00:27:27,522 --> 00:27:30,457 - Come on, guys. Let's get out of here. - Let's go! 320 00:27:33,194 --> 00:27:35,321 This way. Over here. Come on. Come on. 321 00:27:35,864 --> 00:27:36,888 Go, go, go. 322 00:27:44,706 --> 00:27:47,698 - What are we gonna do now? - Baby, I don't know. 323 00:27:47,909 --> 00:27:49,171 Look, we'll just... 324 00:27:49,377 --> 00:27:52,005 We'll wait out the storm here until it passes by. 325 00:27:55,083 --> 00:27:56,573 Hey. 326 00:28:01,056 --> 00:28:03,024 This is our hiding place. 327 00:28:03,024 --> 00:28:06,352 Get lost. Right, Carrie? 328 00:28:07,729 --> 00:28:09,253 Hello, lover. 329 00:28:12,567 --> 00:28:14,626 Unless you wanna fight. 330 00:28:14,836 --> 00:28:16,895 Look, we don't want any trouble. 331 00:28:23,511 --> 00:28:24,739 I never back down. 332 00:28:24,946 --> 00:28:29,815 - Get some. - As you can see, I already did. 333 00:28:33,621 --> 00:28:37,284 And so I thought: Could a simple New York City gal like me... 334 00:28:37,492 --> 00:28:41,258 ... really beat the shit out of a pregnant teenager? I wonder. 335 00:28:41,463 --> 00:28:45,957 Like Dolph Lundgren in Rocky IV, I must break you. 336 00:28:54,275 --> 00:28:55,833 - Yes! - Yeah! 337 00:29:15,797 --> 00:29:18,129 I'm lactating. Moo. 338 00:29:20,001 --> 00:29:22,299 Got milk? 339 00:29:30,712 --> 00:29:32,373 Oh, God. 340 00:29:38,753 --> 00:29:40,448 - Is that your feet? - Yeah. 341 00:29:40,655 --> 00:29:43,215 And this is my baby's foot. 342 00:29:45,927 --> 00:29:47,224 Smell it. 343 00:29:49,264 --> 00:29:50,288 And taste it. 344 00:29:52,033 --> 00:29:54,058 Suck on my placenta. 345 00:29:57,172 --> 00:29:59,936 - Yeah! - Oh, Carrie. 346 00:30:00,141 --> 00:30:02,132 Carrie, darling, are you all right? 347 00:30:02,343 --> 00:30:05,005 Come on, ladies. Let's get out of here now. 348 00:30:11,086 --> 00:30:12,986 - What the hell's going on? - I don't know. 349 00:30:13,188 --> 00:30:15,713 Wake up and smell the Prius. 350 00:30:15,924 --> 00:30:19,826 I know it's an inconvenient truth, but it's called global warming. 351 00:30:20,028 --> 00:30:22,861 No. No, it's not global warming. 352 00:30:24,365 --> 00:30:26,560 Amy Winehouse came to me in my dreams... 353 00:30:26,768 --> 00:30:28,599 ...after I fought an American Gladiator. 354 00:30:29,070 --> 00:30:31,561 I think it has something to do with the crystal skull... 355 00:30:32,941 --> 00:30:35,671 Come on. Crackhead Winehouse? Crystal skull? 356 00:30:35,877 --> 00:30:37,174 You sound like a crazy man. 357 00:30:37,378 --> 00:30:40,905 Look, it's getting late. Let's just stay here tonight and wait out the storm. 358 00:30:41,349 --> 00:30:42,680 I'm freezing. 359 00:30:43,218 --> 00:30:44,617 We gotta take off our clothes. 360 00:30:46,688 --> 00:30:50,317 - What? - Our bodies will keep each other warm. 361 00:30:50,525 --> 00:30:53,392 Otherwise, we're not gonna make it through the night. 362 00:30:54,362 --> 00:30:55,693 Yeah. Yeah. 363 00:30:56,131 --> 00:30:58,622 He's right. Come on. 364 00:31:07,809 --> 00:31:09,868 I think my water's gonna break. 365 00:31:10,612 --> 00:31:11,601 Water? 366 00:31:15,350 --> 00:31:17,011 What the...? 367 00:31:18,186 --> 00:31:19,778 Sorry. 368 00:31:24,259 --> 00:31:26,989 Look, I have something to tell you. I'm not really a banker. 369 00:31:27,195 --> 00:31:28,719 - I'm a jumper. - A what? 370 00:31:28,930 --> 00:31:30,659 I can teleport through time and space. 371 00:31:59,928 --> 00:32:02,362 I hope we stay together forever. 372 00:32:02,564 --> 00:32:03,758 I love you. 373 00:32:06,167 --> 00:32:07,532 Later. 374 00:32:11,639 --> 00:32:14,972 I am Prince Caspian, here to save Narnia. 375 00:32:18,079 --> 00:32:19,637 Little help? 376 00:32:21,316 --> 00:32:22,943 You guys? 377 00:32:27,155 --> 00:32:29,123 It's the guy who ruined Star Wars. 378 00:32:34,729 --> 00:32:37,664 - What? - Will, we saw your dream. 379 00:32:40,635 --> 00:32:42,933 - Oh, man. - Man, you messed shit up with Amy. 380 00:32:43,137 --> 00:32:45,731 You're lucky a girl like that would even talk to you. 381 00:32:45,940 --> 00:32:49,034 She's hot, sexy. She got a job. 382 00:32:49,410 --> 00:32:52,902 - Man, that girl out your league. - She's not out of my league. 383 00:32:53,114 --> 00:32:55,878 Shit, she gotta put up with your stank breath. 384 00:32:56,551 --> 00:32:59,918 Not to mention your abnormally high plumber's crack. 385 00:33:05,126 --> 00:33:06,423 Man, put your shirt down. 386 00:33:06,628 --> 00:33:09,654 All right. You're right, you're right. I messed up with Amy. 387 00:33:12,967 --> 00:33:14,730 I never should've let her go. 388 00:33:17,238 --> 00:33:19,866 Jesus Christ. That was a rump shaker. 389 00:33:20,074 --> 00:33:23,407 Okay, here's the plan. We gotta get the hell up out this city. 390 00:33:23,611 --> 00:33:25,203 What you say? 391 00:33:25,947 --> 00:33:29,212 What the hell y'all doing leaving me? 392 00:33:31,719 --> 00:33:33,914 Keep it moving, people. Nothing to see. 393 00:33:34,922 --> 00:33:38,255 All the disasters have been contained. The city is secure. 394 00:33:44,632 --> 00:33:45,621 Shit. 395 00:33:47,135 --> 00:33:48,124 Sick. 396 00:33:50,905 --> 00:33:53,897 Like I said, keep moving. It's under control. 397 00:33:58,913 --> 00:33:59,902 I'm out of here. 398 00:34:06,087 --> 00:34:09,523 - What was that? - That was a head. That was a head. 399 00:34:09,724 --> 00:34:12,215 - Hello? - Whose head? 400 00:34:12,427 --> 00:34:13,724 - Hello? - Will, it's me. 401 00:34:13,928 --> 00:34:15,725 Amy, where are you? 402 00:34:15,930 --> 00:34:18,990 I'm at work at the museum. I was worried about the artifacts. 403 00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:22,135 - Are you okay? - I'm scared. 404 00:34:22,737 --> 00:34:24,728 It's gonna be all right, I promise. Listen. 405 00:34:24,939 --> 00:34:27,703 There is something that I need to tell you... 406 00:34:27,909 --> 00:34:30,173 ...and I should've told you long before. I was an idiot. 407 00:34:34,315 --> 00:34:35,339 I love you. 408 00:34:37,852 --> 00:34:40,150 Oh, baby, I love you too. 409 00:34:42,290 --> 00:34:46,090 What do...? What do you say? Do you still love me? 410 00:34:46,294 --> 00:34:49,024 Yes, yes, of course, yes. 411 00:34:49,731 --> 00:34:50,720 Say something. 412 00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:54,358 Say something, you stuck-up bitch. 413 00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:00,166 Asshole. 414 00:35:01,008 --> 00:35:02,600 Hello? Hello, Amy? 415 00:35:03,511 --> 00:35:05,138 Shit. 416 00:35:07,582 --> 00:35:09,379 Oh, what the...? 417 00:35:10,151 --> 00:35:12,051 - We gotta go back. - Say what? 418 00:35:12,253 --> 00:35:14,050 Amy's in trouble. I'm going back for her. 419 00:35:14,255 --> 00:35:16,348 I let her go before. I'm not losing her again. 420 00:35:16,557 --> 00:35:19,754 Man, you crazy. There's all kinds of shit breaking out in the city. 421 00:35:19,961 --> 00:35:22,452 We don't leave right now, we're gonna die. 422 00:35:22,663 --> 00:35:24,324 It's something I gotta do. 423 00:35:24,532 --> 00:35:25,624 You guys keep going. 424 00:35:29,103 --> 00:35:31,196 No, I'm your boy, man. I'm gonna roll with you. 425 00:35:31,406 --> 00:35:33,806 Yeah, I mean, I'm already knocked up... 426 00:35:34,008 --> 00:35:38,172 ...so, what other shenanigans can I really get into? 427 00:35:38,379 --> 00:35:41,906 I mean, I'm more bloated than Vince Vaughn in The Break-Up... 428 00:35:42,116 --> 00:35:44,550 ...or Vince Vaughn in Fred Claus... 429 00:35:46,053 --> 00:35:48,021 ...or I guess Vince Vaughn in general. 430 00:35:48,222 --> 00:35:50,918 - So let's go. - Yeah, please. 431 00:35:53,327 --> 00:35:54,885 Lisa, come on. 432 00:35:55,096 --> 00:35:57,189 - No, guys. - Come on, baby. 433 00:35:57,398 --> 00:35:59,366 I really have a bad feeling about this. 434 00:36:04,405 --> 00:36:05,895 Lisa! 435 00:36:06,107 --> 00:36:07,665 They killed Lisa! 436 00:36:07,875 --> 00:36:09,001 - Lisa! - Come on, come on. 437 00:36:09,210 --> 00:36:12,304 - They killed Lisa! You bastards! - Come on, come on. We gotta go. 438 00:36:12,513 --> 00:36:14,037 Come on. 439 00:36:21,656 --> 00:36:24,557 I'm really sorry about your girlfriend, home skillet. 440 00:36:24,759 --> 00:36:27,557 Lo ciento about your main squeeze, kemosabe. 441 00:36:27,762 --> 00:36:33,598 I'd offer you my sexual favors, but I've got a lot of mucus discharge lately. 442 00:36:33,801 --> 00:36:35,063 Lisa was a great girl. 443 00:36:45,279 --> 00:36:47,304 Lisa who? 444 00:36:47,748 --> 00:36:49,045 Oh, where am I? 445 00:36:49,517 --> 00:36:51,917 Oh, what an enchanting place. 446 00:36:53,821 --> 00:36:56,881 It smells like meat and stress. 447 00:37:00,561 --> 00:37:01,619 Wonderful. 448 00:37:02,497 --> 00:37:03,964 What magical creature are you? 449 00:37:10,571 --> 00:37:12,038 My dear prince 450 00:37:12,240 --> 00:37:20,614 You have rescued me You've caught me in your arms 451 00:37:20,815 --> 00:37:26,082 Actually, you landed on my balls 452 00:37:26,287 --> 00:37:27,618 Let me guess. 453 00:37:27,822 --> 00:37:31,815 An evil witch banished you from your fairy-tale kingdom? 454 00:37:33,828 --> 00:37:36,296 No, my silly, pasty, quirky teen. 455 00:37:36,497 --> 00:37:39,989 Actually, I'm just a demented homeless chick who lives in the sewers. 456 00:37:41,135 --> 00:37:42,796 - How'd you end up there? - Drugs. 457 00:37:43,004 --> 00:37:46,303 Lots and lots and lots... 458 00:37:46,507 --> 00:37:51,137 ...of mind-altering, enchanting drugs! 459 00:37:53,614 --> 00:37:55,639 I don't judge. 460 00:37:58,352 --> 00:37:59,910 It's dangerous out there. 461 00:38:00,121 --> 00:38:02,954 You might wanna come with us if you wanna live. 462 00:38:03,157 --> 00:38:04,590 - Okay. - All right. 463 00:38:04,792 --> 00:38:07,727 - Goodbye. Oh, I'm going with you. - Yes, you are. 464 00:38:07,929 --> 00:38:10,796 The Natural History Museum is just uptown. Let's go. 465 00:38:16,270 --> 00:38:20,639 Dreams and fairy tales My true love 466 00:38:21,275 --> 00:38:26,178 Talking squirrels and magic and stuff 467 00:38:26,814 --> 00:38:29,715 No, princess, wait. Where are you going? 468 00:38:29,917 --> 00:38:32,351 And who's that Moorish ruffian? 469 00:38:32,553 --> 00:38:34,851 I'm her new boyfriend. What it do? 470 00:38:36,390 --> 00:38:39,518 Very funny, dark peasant. I'm Prince Edwin. 471 00:38:40,595 --> 00:38:43,928 - Princess, he your pimp? - Oh, good heavens, yes. 472 00:38:45,967 --> 00:38:49,334 But that's all right. I could have a pimp and a boyfriend. 473 00:38:50,237 --> 00:38:51,431 Oh, what to do? 474 00:38:53,841 --> 00:38:58,403 Whichever prince can vanquish the other shall win my hand. 475 00:39:05,519 --> 00:39:06,611 You ready to step up? 476 00:39:08,089 --> 00:39:10,148 Wait. You mean like the first Step Up movie... 477 00:39:10,358 --> 00:39:13,054 ...where the street-dancer dude went to the dance academy? 478 00:39:13,260 --> 00:39:15,319 No, I was thinking more like Step Up 2... 479 00:39:15,529 --> 00:39:18,430 ...when the tough street-dancing chick went to dancing academy. 480 00:39:19,333 --> 00:39:20,391 I feel you. 481 00:39:20,601 --> 00:39:24,435 He ain't ready for me. Juney, Will, I'm about to break him down, baby. 482 00:39:24,639 --> 00:39:26,971 You want some? Well, here you go. 483 00:39:36,584 --> 00:39:38,313 Oh, a hoedown? 484 00:39:40,655 --> 00:39:41,644 It's crazy-shirt man. 485 00:39:46,861 --> 00:39:48,954 Oh, no, no, no. 486 00:39:54,168 --> 00:39:55,567 It's just my sleeve. 487 00:39:55,770 --> 00:39:57,795 Oh, come on. 488 00:39:58,706 --> 00:40:00,571 He's double-jointed. Who cares about that? 489 00:40:03,010 --> 00:40:04,568 There must be a mirror somewhere. 490 00:40:07,248 --> 00:40:09,113 Make some room. Make some room. 491 00:40:09,316 --> 00:40:10,578 Make some room. 492 00:40:10,785 --> 00:40:13,276 - Come on, chubby. - Okay. 493 00:40:14,889 --> 00:40:16,857 What? What? What? 494 00:40:17,358 --> 00:40:19,952 Oh, damn, that ho is all on point. 495 00:40:30,871 --> 00:40:33,635 That bitch better work. She is off the chizzain. 496 00:40:33,841 --> 00:40:34,967 I think she's crowning. 497 00:40:37,845 --> 00:40:39,608 I want to dance. 498 00:40:39,814 --> 00:40:43,181 I'm not sure I can though. I'm not sure. 499 00:40:43,384 --> 00:40:46,353 l... Don't pressure me! 500 00:40:48,155 --> 00:40:49,782 I'm ready. 501 00:40:50,324 --> 00:40:52,724 Oh, look out. Look at her coming in. 502 00:40:54,395 --> 00:40:55,521 Oh, yeah. 503 00:41:37,171 --> 00:41:39,332 I'm out of here. 504 00:41:40,040 --> 00:41:41,268 Bye. 505 00:41:41,475 --> 00:41:43,909 She's all yours, bro. 506 00:41:44,512 --> 00:41:45,843 It's a twister! 507 00:41:46,046 --> 00:41:48,241 Run! Run! 508 00:41:55,823 --> 00:41:57,950 Is there anyone that can save us? 509 00:41:58,159 --> 00:42:00,059 We need a hero. 510 00:42:08,202 --> 00:42:09,897 I am Iron Man. 511 00:42:12,506 --> 00:42:15,566 Oh, man! That twister shat out a cow. 512 00:42:17,044 --> 00:42:18,409 Shit. That's so messed up. 513 00:42:22,349 --> 00:42:24,783 Now you're pissing me off. 514 00:42:27,655 --> 00:42:30,146 I'm the only badass around here. 515 00:42:32,626 --> 00:42:34,321 Oh, damn! 516 00:42:34,528 --> 00:42:36,223 Another cow? 517 00:42:42,970 --> 00:42:44,437 What was that? 518 00:42:44,638 --> 00:42:46,003 It's not nice. 519 00:42:46,207 --> 00:42:48,607 Look at me. Look at this. 520 00:42:48,809 --> 00:42:50,401 It's a lobster claw. 521 00:42:50,611 --> 00:42:51,600 Whatever. 522 00:42:51,812 --> 00:42:55,407 Look, I'm carrying a lot of baggage. I didn't need that, man. 523 00:42:59,286 --> 00:43:03,723 Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. 524 00:43:04,191 --> 00:43:07,991 There's aspects of my personality that I can't control. 525 00:43:25,846 --> 00:43:27,746 At least he didn't get hit with a cow. 526 00:43:30,484 --> 00:43:33,351 - Man! - Hey, Casanova, forget Amy. 527 00:43:33,554 --> 00:43:35,454 We're never gonna make it to the museum. 528 00:43:35,656 --> 00:43:36,987 I know she's still alive. 529 00:43:37,191 --> 00:43:39,455 Hello? Jojo? 530 00:43:39,660 --> 00:43:42,220 Jojo? No, no, it's me. 531 00:43:42,429 --> 00:43:44,693 Will. Will, I'm trapped. 532 00:43:44,899 --> 00:43:48,494 An Egyptian statue fell on me during the earthquake. 533 00:43:48,702 --> 00:43:50,863 Stay calm, Amy. Just stay calm. 534 00:43:51,071 --> 00:43:53,904 I'm so scared. I'm so scared. 535 00:43:54,108 --> 00:43:56,804 All right, Amy, listen to me. Don't panic. 536 00:43:59,747 --> 00:44:01,544 I will be there, I promise. 537 00:44:05,085 --> 00:44:07,315 Amy? Amy? 538 00:44:09,590 --> 00:44:11,751 Guys, I'm going back for her. 539 00:44:14,595 --> 00:44:18,531 You can't save her if you're dead! Come on, let's go! 540 00:44:18,732 --> 00:44:20,563 - I'll be there as soon as I can. - Go, go. 541 00:44:20,768 --> 00:44:21,860 Goodbye. 542 00:44:22,069 --> 00:44:23,263 - Amy. No! - Will, let's go. 543 00:44:23,470 --> 00:44:25,165 - No! Damn it! - You got to! 544 00:44:34,682 --> 00:44:35,979 I know you think I'm crazy... 545 00:44:36,183 --> 00:44:39,050 ...but these disasters have to do with the crystal skull. 546 00:44:39,253 --> 00:44:42,711 - It's like TMTH. - TM what? 547 00:44:42,923 --> 00:44:45,050 Too much to handle. 548 00:44:45,459 --> 00:44:47,051 Bitch, why you don't just say that? 549 00:44:47,261 --> 00:44:49,923 Why everything a goddamn acronym with you? 550 00:44:50,130 --> 00:44:53,122 Chilly Willy out, LL Not Cool J. 551 00:44:53,334 --> 00:44:57,202 Oh, do stop all of this quarreling. Honestly. 552 00:44:57,404 --> 00:44:59,964 Now, who's hungry? 553 00:45:08,449 --> 00:45:09,814 Delicious. 554 00:45:10,651 --> 00:45:12,414 Whatever. 555 00:45:13,787 --> 00:45:14,947 Would you like some? 556 00:45:15,422 --> 00:45:16,446 No. 557 00:45:23,630 --> 00:45:25,154 What? 558 00:45:25,733 --> 00:45:28,463 Y'all, that's my Get Smart phone. Just give me a minute. 559 00:45:37,611 --> 00:45:39,636 You got poop. 560 00:45:40,147 --> 00:45:41,136 Just a smidge. 561 00:45:45,319 --> 00:45:48,152 Did I get it? Did I get it all? 562 00:45:49,757 --> 00:45:51,622 What y'all looking at me like that for? 563 00:45:51,825 --> 00:45:53,349 You got... Yeah. 564 00:45:53,961 --> 00:45:54,950 Is it right there? 565 00:45:55,796 --> 00:45:58,287 - It's fine. - Just go: 566 00:45:58,665 --> 00:46:01,031 Just... I get it all the time, all over. 567 00:46:05,806 --> 00:46:07,433 What it do? 568 00:46:10,444 --> 00:46:13,936 Hey, y'all, it's Lisa's mom. 569 00:46:14,481 --> 00:46:16,972 I gotta tell her what happened to her daughter. 570 00:46:21,955 --> 00:46:23,650 Hi, Miss Heller. 571 00:46:28,128 --> 00:46:29,618 Lisa... 572 00:46:30,130 --> 00:46:31,722 Lisa dead. 573 00:46:34,201 --> 00:46:35,566 But booyah! 574 00:46:36,570 --> 00:46:40,006 I met this fine, hot enchanted-princess chick... 575 00:46:40,207 --> 00:46:43,699 ...willing to do anything and everything I want. 576 00:46:43,911 --> 00:46:46,038 You gotta talk to her. Talk to her. 577 00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:50,774 Hello? Oh, yes, he's right. I will do anything. Truly. 578 00:46:50,984 --> 00:46:54,283 I'm not referred to on the street as the Cavernous Princess for nothing. 579 00:46:54,488 --> 00:46:57,548 A nomenclature well-deserved, most assuredly. 580 00:46:57,758 --> 00:47:00,158 If you've got 5 bucks or some meth, I'll show you. 581 00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:02,658 One time I hooked up with a 100-year-old wizard. 582 00:47:02,863 --> 00:47:06,492 His penis kept reappearing in all sorts of different places. 583 00:47:06,700 --> 00:47:08,190 Never again. 584 00:47:08,402 --> 00:47:11,565 You're so cool. We should totally hang out. 585 00:47:11,772 --> 00:47:13,569 She's awesome. 586 00:47:13,774 --> 00:47:15,935 Look, we gotta get to Amy at the Natural History Museum. 587 00:47:20,314 --> 00:47:21,338 Oh, my. 588 00:47:21,782 --> 00:47:24,683 - Oh, no. - I can't see anything. 589 00:47:24,918 --> 00:47:28,820 - Neither can I. - Somebody is totally feeling me up. 590 00:47:29,022 --> 00:47:31,252 - Calvin. - I didn't do it. 591 00:47:34,094 --> 00:47:36,927 They're so perky. They're filled with milk. 592 00:47:39,433 --> 00:47:41,401 What the hell was that? 593 00:48:27,414 --> 00:48:31,145 Wonderful. What adorable woodland creatures. 594 00:48:31,351 --> 00:48:34,843 I'm not merry, really. That didn't... I mean, that didn't make me merry. 595 00:48:35,055 --> 00:48:38,081 I don't feel merry, I guess. 596 00:49:14,228 --> 00:49:15,559 Man, them guys are all right. 597 00:49:16,163 --> 00:49:17,790 That's cute. That's cute. 598 00:49:52,633 --> 00:49:56,694 Okay, you guys are not Alvin and the Chipmunks, are you? 599 00:49:59,306 --> 00:50:00,671 I think that one's got rabies. 600 00:50:05,612 --> 00:50:07,307 Where you going, punk-ass? 601 00:50:10,484 --> 00:50:11,204 Alvin! 602 00:50:18,659 --> 00:50:20,354 Get him off! 603 00:50:20,560 --> 00:50:22,528 Chipmunks love nuts. 604 00:50:27,834 --> 00:50:31,201 Get him off! What the hell? I thought you was my friend! 605 00:50:31,872 --> 00:50:32,861 Salty. 606 00:50:38,645 --> 00:50:41,637 You're hitting the wrong thing! You...! 607 00:50:48,255 --> 00:50:52,385 I feel left out. No one's biting my flesh. Pooh. 608 00:50:56,697 --> 00:50:58,562 Is that the best you got, pussy? 609 00:51:02,536 --> 00:51:03,628 You are such a girl. 610 00:51:19,219 --> 00:51:20,914 Redrum! 611 00:51:30,797 --> 00:51:32,594 Where'd he go? 612 00:51:41,074 --> 00:51:42,200 Yeah! 613 00:51:45,645 --> 00:51:47,442 Don't bite me. Get lost! 614 00:51:56,323 --> 00:51:58,484 Oh, boy, tasty vertebrae. 615 00:51:59,493 --> 00:52:00,721 - Juney. - Let her go. 616 00:52:00,927 --> 00:52:02,792 Let her go, man. Ain't nothing we can do. 617 00:52:02,996 --> 00:52:04,361 But she's still alive. 618 00:52:04,564 --> 00:52:05,929 They're munching me harder... 619 00:52:06,133 --> 00:52:10,331 ...than Rachael Ray chowing down eggs Benedict on $40 a Day. 620 00:52:10,537 --> 00:52:11,561 Yeah. 621 00:52:11,772 --> 00:52:16,141 Even when the bitch is dying, she don't shut up with her witty repartee. 622 00:52:16,343 --> 00:52:20,040 Hey, BFFs, what's the 411 on the 911? 623 00:52:20,247 --> 00:52:22,545 Oh, she is rather annoying. 624 00:52:22,749 --> 00:52:26,742 WTH? I'm so not ROTFLOL'ing... 625 00:52:26,953 --> 00:52:32,050 ...but please KIT, before I get 187'd. 626 00:52:33,326 --> 00:52:35,226 Blog you later. 627 00:52:36,363 --> 00:52:38,228 - Finally. - Finally. 628 00:52:38,965 --> 00:52:41,695 That was just the amuse bouche. Now the main course. 629 00:52:46,039 --> 00:52:48,405 - Come back here, you bitches. - Bitches! 630 00:52:48,608 --> 00:52:50,667 I'll get you in your grill. 631 00:52:50,877 --> 00:52:52,401 Pussies. 632 00:52:52,612 --> 00:52:53,670 Die! 633 00:52:53,880 --> 00:52:57,281 Can't breathe. Need air. 634 00:52:59,286 --> 00:53:00,844 Shitheads! 635 00:53:08,061 --> 00:53:10,188 Is everybody okay? 636 00:53:10,397 --> 00:53:12,092 Yeah, I'm okay. 637 00:53:12,299 --> 00:53:15,860 Hey, baby, your knees are all skinned up. 638 00:53:16,670 --> 00:53:19,230 Oh, yes, but that's not from the chipmunks. 639 00:53:20,640 --> 00:53:22,972 But I do have this terrible headache. 640 00:53:24,644 --> 00:53:27,112 Head On. Apply directly to the forehead. 641 00:53:27,314 --> 00:53:29,748 Head On. Apply directly to the forehead. 642 00:53:29,950 --> 00:53:32,418 Head On. Apply directly to the forehead. 643 00:53:32,619 --> 00:53:34,746 Head On. Apply directly to the forehead. 644 00:53:34,955 --> 00:53:36,718 I just... I just did. 645 00:53:36,923 --> 00:53:38,390 I said, Head On, bitch. 646 00:53:38,592 --> 00:53:40,560 - Apply directly to the forehead. - Whatever. 647 00:53:40,560 --> 00:53:42,250 Don't cop an attitude, slut. 648 00:53:42,462 --> 00:53:46,023 I said, apply Head On directly to your goddamn forehead. 649 00:53:46,233 --> 00:53:49,100 Okay, okay. Happy? 650 00:53:49,302 --> 00:53:51,327 Look, you little white-trash piece of shit... 651 00:53:51,538 --> 00:53:52,698 ... Head On, motherfucker. 652 00:53:52,906 --> 00:53:55,636 Apply directly to your motherfucking forehead. 653 00:53:55,842 --> 00:53:58,936 Okay? There. It's all over. 654 00:53:59,145 --> 00:54:03,741 Head on, face on, nose on, eyes on. 655 00:54:05,852 --> 00:54:07,581 Oh, that's great. 656 00:54:07,787 --> 00:54:09,152 My headache is gone... 657 00:54:09,356 --> 00:54:12,450 ...but I still have that dreadful yeast infection. 658 00:54:13,793 --> 00:54:15,192 Sourdough anyone? 659 00:54:15,962 --> 00:54:18,760 - I could've did without that. - Let's get to the museum. 660 00:54:23,336 --> 00:54:25,531 - Let's go! - Move it! 661 00:54:25,739 --> 00:54:27,707 Out of the way! 662 00:54:36,182 --> 00:54:37,774 Excuse me, sir. 663 00:54:37,984 --> 00:54:40,009 What's going on? Where's everybody going? 664 00:54:40,220 --> 00:54:43,348 It's a mass evacuation. Everyone has to leave the city right now. 665 00:54:43,557 --> 00:54:45,320 Hold up, hold up. You leaving, Batman? 666 00:54:45,525 --> 00:54:49,359 Shit. Yes. Yeah, I'm leaving. Okay? I don't wanna die. 667 00:54:49,563 --> 00:54:51,656 Not on my schedule today. Not on my to-do list. 668 00:54:51,865 --> 00:54:55,198 It wasn't, "Wake up, make breakfast, jog, science experiment, die." 669 00:54:55,402 --> 00:54:59,395 Not on it. Not on it. Okay? Are we done? 670 00:54:59,606 --> 00:55:00,971 All right. 671 00:55:01,641 --> 00:55:04,474 Anyone who stays in town is gonna be buried in rubble. 672 00:55:04,678 --> 00:55:05,804 I hate rubble. 673 00:55:06,012 --> 00:55:09,675 I've gotta get to the Natural History Museum, to my girl, Amy. She's trapped. 674 00:55:09,883 --> 00:55:13,319 If you go back after your girlfriend, you have zero chance of survival. 675 00:55:13,620 --> 00:55:14,814 I'll take those odds. 676 00:55:17,691 --> 00:55:21,525 - She must be some piece of pussy. - She is, sir. She is. 677 00:55:23,029 --> 00:55:26,328 Look, the evacuation bus is leaving city hall at 2100 hours. 678 00:55:26,533 --> 00:55:29,297 Twenty-one hundred? Hold on, what is...? That's... 679 00:55:29,502 --> 00:55:31,663 - Five, carry the six... - Nine p.m. 680 00:55:31,871 --> 00:55:34,533 I'm gonna save you your crazy math. It's 9 p.m. 681 00:55:34,741 --> 00:55:37,039 You start at noon, then nine hours later. 682 00:55:37,243 --> 00:55:40,542 That's 9. That's the time you need to get on those evacuation buses... 683 00:55:40,747 --> 00:55:42,237 ...or you're dead. 684 00:55:42,449 --> 00:55:43,916 Dead? 685 00:55:45,251 --> 00:55:47,412 Come on, it's already 5:30. 686 00:55:48,221 --> 00:55:50,553 Say again, 5:30? Oh, Jesus. 687 00:55:50,757 --> 00:55:53,282 Oh, God. I wasted the whole day. 688 00:55:53,493 --> 00:55:56,758 I was... I was on Amazon looking for stuff. 689 00:55:56,963 --> 00:56:00,296 Shit. Why? Why would I go Christmas shopping today? 690 00:56:00,967 --> 00:56:04,801 Why would I pick today? Son of a bitch. Okay, plan B. 691 00:56:09,643 --> 00:56:10,974 - Hi. - Hi. 692 00:56:11,177 --> 00:56:12,201 I'm Batman. 693 00:56:12,412 --> 00:56:14,209 I'm Enchanted Princess. 694 00:56:14,414 --> 00:56:17,008 True story: I had a woman one time... 695 00:56:17,217 --> 00:56:21,483 ...tell me I was in the top four best lovers she's ever had. 696 00:56:21,688 --> 00:56:23,087 That's a true story. 697 00:56:23,289 --> 00:56:24,916 And she had been around the block. 698 00:56:27,460 --> 00:56:31,556 Would you want to watch me play with myself? 699 00:56:33,199 --> 00:56:34,188 Goodbye. 700 00:56:45,779 --> 00:56:47,269 Come on, let's go. 701 00:56:50,483 --> 00:56:51,780 Break yourself, fool. 702 00:56:51,985 --> 00:56:55,079 You best be getting out of that Mach 5 or I'll toe-tag your ass. 703 00:57:04,130 --> 00:57:06,325 You know, they say that the first kill... 704 00:57:06,533 --> 00:57:08,330 ...is supposed to be quite difficult. 705 00:57:08,535 --> 00:57:12,198 But I find it easy. In fact, rather fun. 706 00:57:13,173 --> 00:57:15,971 Take it. Do it. 707 00:57:21,514 --> 00:57:23,243 Look, Ma, no eyes. 708 00:57:23,450 --> 00:57:24,974 I didn't have a mother! 709 00:57:28,722 --> 00:57:31,691 That was better than sex with a camel. 710 00:57:43,136 --> 00:57:46,162 What? We're just playing with my monkey. 711 00:57:50,777 --> 00:57:52,335 Let's roll. 712 00:57:55,849 --> 00:57:56,975 Oh, my! 713 00:58:09,229 --> 00:58:10,218 Come on! 714 00:58:12,565 --> 00:58:13,896 Run. 715 00:58:15,602 --> 00:58:17,399 We gotta keep going. 716 00:58:19,038 --> 00:58:21,905 These glass slippers are awfully hard to run in. 717 00:58:30,083 --> 00:58:31,744 Help. Help. 718 00:58:32,552 --> 00:58:33,849 Amy. 719 00:58:35,955 --> 00:58:38,219 - You came back for me. - I love you, Amy. 720 00:58:38,892 --> 00:58:41,793 I know. I love you too. 721 00:58:43,463 --> 00:58:45,761 Now get this freaking spear out of my shoulder. 722 00:58:45,965 --> 00:58:46,954 Yeah. 723 00:58:47,901 --> 00:58:49,232 - Okay. - It hurts. 724 00:58:49,435 --> 00:58:50,595 Okay. All right. 725 00:58:50,804 --> 00:58:52,795 She's pinned through to the floor, guys. 726 00:58:53,006 --> 00:58:55,770 This isn't gonna be easy. Calvin, I'm gonna need your help. 727 00:58:55,975 --> 00:58:57,602 Right. 728 00:59:02,248 --> 00:59:05,183 - What was that for? - I was trying to knock her unconscious... 729 00:59:05,385 --> 00:59:06,750 ...so she wouldn't feel pain. 730 00:59:08,021 --> 00:59:09,648 Good thinking. 731 00:59:10,256 --> 00:59:13,623 - Baby, this is for your own good. - Okay. 732 00:59:21,000 --> 00:59:25,300 Man, you hit like a pussy. Let me try. 733 00:59:32,946 --> 00:59:34,607 Man, this girl can take a hit. 734 00:59:43,656 --> 00:59:45,419 Why? 735 00:59:46,960 --> 00:59:49,360 It's not working. Let's just pull it out of her. 736 00:59:51,064 --> 00:59:52,053 On the count of three. 737 00:59:52,265 --> 00:59:54,699 One, two, three. 738 00:59:54,901 --> 00:59:56,334 Good job. 739 01:00:08,181 --> 01:00:10,775 We gotta get out of here. This place is gonna collapse. 740 01:00:11,351 --> 01:00:16,812 No. Not until we return this... 741 01:00:17,790 --> 01:00:19,314 ...back to the altar. 742 01:00:19,826 --> 01:00:21,555 A magic bong. 743 01:00:21,761 --> 01:00:24,594 The crystal skull. The one from my dreams. 744 01:00:24,797 --> 01:00:29,200 Now, legend has it that if the crystal skull is missing from the altar... 745 01:00:29,402 --> 01:00:31,563 ...it's the end of the world. Earthquakes... 746 01:00:31,771 --> 01:00:34,296 ...asteroids, return of the Spice Girls. 747 01:00:34,507 --> 01:00:35,633 Yes! 748 01:00:37,243 --> 01:00:38,232 The apocalypse. 749 01:00:38,444 --> 01:00:40,969 And you know this shit because you're the docent? 750 01:00:41,180 --> 01:00:43,842 I saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. 751 01:00:44,050 --> 01:00:45,642 Do you know what this means? 752 01:00:45,852 --> 01:00:48,719 Me dreaming about the skull, and you knowing about the skull? 753 01:00:48,922 --> 01:00:52,517 - That we were destined to be together? - No, that we both really love skulls. 754 01:00:53,626 --> 01:00:55,321 But that too. 755 01:00:56,963 --> 01:00:59,488 Will, we gotta get out of here. It's almost 9:00. 756 01:00:59,699 --> 01:01:02,896 If we don't make it to them evacuation buses, we're gonna die. 757 01:01:05,204 --> 01:01:06,603 Go, Calvin. 758 01:01:06,806 --> 01:01:09,832 I'm staying here with Amy. We're returning the skull to the altar. 759 01:01:11,778 --> 01:01:13,439 - See you. - Nice meeting you. 760 01:01:13,980 --> 01:01:16,073 Let's find that altar. 761 01:01:44,077 --> 01:01:45,066 What's happening? 762 01:01:45,278 --> 01:01:48,543 Everything in the museum is coming to life. 763 01:01:51,150 --> 01:01:52,777 Hell, no! 764 01:01:54,020 --> 01:01:55,248 Bully! Bully! 765 01:01:56,823 --> 01:01:57,983 Yes! 766 01:02:01,894 --> 01:02:04,624 - Let's get the hell up out of here. - Drugs are great. 767 01:02:09,202 --> 01:02:12,171 - The altar to the crystal skull is this way. - Okay. 768 01:02:18,344 --> 01:02:20,107 I am Beowulf. 769 01:02:24,817 --> 01:02:26,011 Hello. 770 01:02:28,688 --> 01:02:29,950 What? 771 01:02:31,224 --> 01:02:32,486 I am Beowulf. 772 01:02:34,227 --> 01:02:36,627 - Can you put some clothes on? - I am Beowulf. 773 01:02:36,829 --> 01:02:40,663 I fought the monster Grendel with no armor, and that is how I'll fight you. 774 01:02:41,567 --> 01:02:43,034 Wait. You fight naked? 775 01:02:46,105 --> 01:02:47,094 I am Beowulf. 776 01:02:47,306 --> 01:02:48,500 That's kind of gay, bro. 777 01:02:49,008 --> 01:02:50,976 It's not... It's not gay. It's... 778 01:02:51,177 --> 01:02:53,111 No, I'm sorry. That's gay. 779 01:02:53,312 --> 01:02:55,143 It's not gay. It's not. 780 01:02:55,348 --> 01:02:58,977 It's how we do it in 507, dick. 781 01:02:59,185 --> 01:03:02,052 - Ask anybody. - All right, I will. I'll ask my friend Paul. 782 01:03:02,255 --> 01:03:05,383 We're boating tomorrow. I'll ask him when we're out in the seas. 783 01:03:06,025 --> 01:03:09,358 - Paul? - My friend Paul, who is my partner. 784 01:03:10,897 --> 01:03:13,388 He's my friend. We're also partners. 785 01:03:14,434 --> 01:03:17,164 - Life partner? - No, business partners. 786 01:03:17,370 --> 01:03:20,203 We opened an antique shop together. 787 01:03:20,406 --> 01:03:22,169 - That's gay. - Why is that gay? 788 01:03:22,375 --> 01:03:25,742 Why are antiques gay? Because I like old things that are kitschy? 789 01:03:27,980 --> 01:03:29,709 I'm Beowulf! 790 01:03:30,149 --> 01:03:33,482 Excuse me, are you ready to get your ass kicked? 791 01:03:39,826 --> 01:03:43,694 Oh, hell, no, Kung Fu Panda. 792 01:03:44,397 --> 01:03:46,888 You shouldn't have done that. 793 01:03:52,939 --> 01:03:55,533 Get ready to feel the thunder. 794 01:04:23,970 --> 01:04:25,801 Your girl looks familiar, man. 795 01:04:26,005 --> 01:04:30,704 Last year, I paid her 20 bucks for 20 minutes, if you know what I mean. 796 01:04:31,043 --> 01:04:33,603 It's true. And a curious factoid: 797 01:04:33,813 --> 01:04:37,044 Pandas actually have three descending testicles. 798 01:04:38,851 --> 01:04:40,409 That's it. 799 01:05:33,272 --> 01:05:34,637 Oh, shit. 800 01:05:42,582 --> 01:05:44,709 Oh, wonderful job. 801 01:05:47,520 --> 01:05:52,651 My dear prince You have defended my honor 802 01:05:53,559 --> 01:05:55,254 Kiss me, baby. 803 01:06:18,150 --> 01:06:21,586 - You a dude? - I'm a trannie. I thought you knew. 804 01:06:22,788 --> 01:06:23,538 No. 805 01:06:35,268 --> 01:06:36,496 Get him, Will. 806 01:06:37,303 --> 01:06:39,771 - I am Beowulf. - Yeah, I know already. 807 01:06:39,972 --> 01:06:42,532 Surrender so we can go get brunch. 808 01:06:42,742 --> 01:06:46,007 And I got us tickets to Jersey Boys. 809 01:06:46,245 --> 01:06:46,995 No. 810 01:06:59,925 --> 01:07:01,119 We can go to my place. 811 01:07:01,327 --> 01:07:05,161 I TiVo'd Dancing with the Stars, results show. 812 01:07:05,364 --> 01:07:07,229 - No! - Beowulf! 813 01:07:09,101 --> 01:07:11,797 I wanna take you on Rosie O'Donnell's cruise. 814 01:07:12,004 --> 01:07:15,462 Just me, you, and my dear friend George Takei. 815 01:07:15,975 --> 01:07:17,465 Screw this. 816 01:07:17,910 --> 01:07:20,208 I'm Beowulf! 817 01:07:21,480 --> 01:07:24,210 Beowulf out. 818 01:07:27,887 --> 01:07:29,445 Hurry, we're running out of time. 819 01:08:01,554 --> 01:08:03,146 Indiana Jones? 820 01:08:06,125 --> 01:08:07,524 Indiana, my ass. 821 01:08:09,261 --> 01:08:10,489 I'll take it from here. 822 01:08:17,002 --> 01:08:20,438 Thanks, son. That's right, I'm your father. 823 01:08:22,575 --> 01:08:25,544 - You're my dad? - Your mom got around. 824 01:08:25,745 --> 01:08:28,612 - A real slut, actually. - Right, I get it. 825 01:08:28,814 --> 01:08:30,304 She did this special thing... 826 01:08:30,516 --> 01:08:34,543 ...with her big toe and candle wax... - Okay. 827 01:08:34,754 --> 01:08:36,847 I'm sorry I walked out on you and your mother. 828 01:08:37,056 --> 01:08:38,956 But I got an adventurous spirit... 829 01:08:39,158 --> 01:08:41,854 ...and a hot-ass whore in every major city. 830 01:08:43,496 --> 01:08:45,020 What do we have here? 831 01:08:45,231 --> 01:08:46,698 Is this your girl? 832 01:08:46,899 --> 01:08:50,130 - Yeah. - What a nice young lady. 833 01:08:50,336 --> 01:08:52,133 And you got some shape on you. 834 01:08:52,338 --> 01:08:54,670 Yeah, baby. You're so nice. 835 01:08:54,874 --> 01:08:58,173 - And you got some ass on you. - Dad. 836 01:08:58,377 --> 01:09:00,538 - Oh, so beautiful. - Dad. 837 01:09:00,746 --> 01:09:04,648 If a nice ass meant a hamburger, baby, you'd have a Whopper. 838 01:09:04,850 --> 01:09:06,249 - Oh, shit. - Dad. 839 01:09:06,452 --> 01:09:10,183 Do you do Pilates? I'm just asking. Just asking. 840 01:09:13,659 --> 01:09:16,560 Don't do what your old man did. Settle down. 841 01:09:18,130 --> 01:09:19,995 Hell, I got gonorrhea so many times... 842 01:09:20,199 --> 01:09:22,258 ...my johnson looked like a melted Baby Ruth. 843 01:09:23,736 --> 01:09:27,331 Hell, in the '70s, my nickname was Chlamydia Jones. 844 01:09:28,707 --> 01:09:32,871 There is no cure for herpes, and I bullshit you not. 845 01:09:33,679 --> 01:09:35,408 Thanks, Dad. 846 01:09:57,736 --> 01:10:00,569 - This looks easy. - Not as easy as it used to be. 847 01:10:04,810 --> 01:10:07,142 Oh, shit, my hip. 848 01:10:12,284 --> 01:10:15,276 - You know I gotta get my hustle on. - Bye, Dad. 849 01:10:17,690 --> 01:10:18,850 I'm gonna make it. 850 01:10:19,058 --> 01:10:20,650 Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. 851 01:10:20,860 --> 01:10:22,122 Oh, shit! 852 01:10:25,231 --> 01:10:28,064 That hurts. Oh, shit! 853 01:10:55,394 --> 01:11:00,525 Why don't you just walk to the altar? It's like 10 feet away. 854 01:11:01,534 --> 01:11:03,365 Silly girl. 855 01:11:10,709 --> 01:11:13,803 No, don't cry. I'll be fine. 856 01:12:00,659 --> 01:12:02,320 I am the Guru Shitka. 857 01:12:02,528 --> 01:12:06,157 And we are here today to bring together Amy and Will... 858 01:12:06,365 --> 01:12:09,300 ...in a union of peace and happiness. 859 01:12:09,501 --> 01:12:15,337 And to point out, gee, Amy, you are totally hot. TM. 860 01:12:17,376 --> 01:12:18,934 Amy, do you take Will... 861 01:12:19,144 --> 01:12:22,841 ...to be your peanut butter and jelly that goes into your love belly? 862 01:12:23,048 --> 01:12:24,072 I do. 863 01:12:24,283 --> 01:12:28,686 And, Will, do you take Amy to be your doughnut of love... 864 01:12:28,887 --> 01:12:31,879 ...that you'll fill with cream every day? 865 01:12:32,091 --> 01:12:33,080 I do. 866 01:12:36,295 --> 01:12:39,594 Well, in that case, give her a pound. 867 01:12:40,532 --> 01:12:42,625 Lock it down. 868 01:12:43,002 --> 01:12:44,867 Break the pickle. 869 01:12:45,270 --> 01:12:46,430 Now, tickle my pickle. 870 01:12:55,714 --> 01:12:56,703 I love you, Will. 871 01:12:56,915 --> 01:12:58,974 I love you too, Amy. 872 01:12:59,284 --> 01:13:01,718 But there's something I should tell you. 873 01:13:02,821 --> 01:13:03,810 What is it? 874 01:13:16,602 --> 01:13:17,830 I'm fucking Matt Damon 875 01:13:18,504 --> 01:13:20,836 You're fucking Matt Damon? 876 01:13:21,040 --> 01:13:22,564 Well, I'm fucking Hannah Montana 877 01:13:22,775 --> 01:13:24,174 She's fucking Hannah Montana 878 01:13:24,376 --> 01:13:27,971 Backstage at my concert Fucks me on my parents' bed 879 01:13:28,180 --> 01:13:31,240 After school, at my locker, In the car I give her head 880 01:13:31,450 --> 01:13:32,974 I'm also fucking the Flava 881 01:13:33,185 --> 01:13:35,653 Yeah, boy She's fucking Flava-Flav, fool 882 01:13:35,854 --> 01:13:38,652 You know what time it is Because I'm fucking Juney too 883 01:13:39,725 --> 01:13:43,161 Yeah, I know, but it's true Flava-Flav, he fucks me too 884 01:13:43,362 --> 01:13:46,627 And I swap with Calvin And he swaps with that dude 885 01:13:46,832 --> 01:13:48,265 And we're all fucking Hellboy 886 01:13:49,034 --> 01:13:54,802 Yeah, they're fucking Hellboy And I'm fucking the Hulk 887 01:13:55,007 --> 01:13:58,374 When I get really mad I start fucking Iron Man 888 01:13:58,577 --> 01:14:01,774 A most uncomfortable screw But I fuck the princess too 889 01:14:03,482 --> 01:14:05,347 Who's that ringing on my bell? 890 01:14:05,551 --> 01:14:07,314 The bitch who's fucking Iron Man 891 01:14:07,519 --> 01:14:12,286 That's l-R-O-N M-A-N And I fuck him in the mouth 892 01:14:12,491 --> 01:14:15,983 That's fucking great Because I'm fucking Wolf 893 01:14:18,430 --> 01:14:20,091 He's fucking Wolf Ain't that a pity? 894 01:14:20,299 --> 01:14:23,632 Because I'm fucking those bitches From Sex and the City 895 01:14:25,037 --> 01:14:28,006 He fucks the Sex and the City gals 896 01:14:28,207 --> 01:14:31,005 So I wondered: Would Wolf really get jealous... 897 01:14:31,210 --> 01:14:34,202 ...if he knew we were fucking that guy with the big utility belt? 898 01:14:35,814 --> 01:14:37,042 They're all fucking Batman 899 01:14:37,249 --> 01:14:40,446 At Wayne Manor, in the Batcave Butler Alfred is our love slave 900 01:14:40,652 --> 01:14:42,347 Riddle me this Holy bathhouse 901 01:14:42,554 --> 01:14:44,044 I'm fucking Amy Winehouse? 902 01:14:44,256 --> 01:14:47,555 He's fucking Amy Winehouse 903 01:14:47,760 --> 01:14:50,354 Yeah, on the down-low, low, low 904 01:14:50,562 --> 01:14:53,497 And I'm fucking Jessica Simpson 905 01:14:54,233 --> 01:14:57,396 'Cause I'm on blow, blow, blow 906 01:14:57,603 --> 01:15:01,562 She's fucking Jessica Simpson Oh, yeah 907 01:15:01,774 --> 01:15:05,801 And I think I might have fucked That hot assassin 908 01:15:06,011 --> 01:15:09,174 Everyone's fucked me And I've fucked them back, you see 909 01:15:09,381 --> 01:15:12,714 And the Mexican too With the tragic hairdo 910 01:15:13,152 --> 01:15:16,087 Call it, heads, I'm fucking J. T. 911 01:15:16,288 --> 01:15:19,223 I'm fucking that male model 'Cause he's so fine 912 01:15:19,424 --> 01:15:22,552 And I like to get up In them Calvin Kleins 913 01:15:22,761 --> 01:15:29,132 It's true, J. T. fucked my ass again But I'm also fucking Prince Caspian 914 01:15:29,668 --> 01:15:32,865 I am handsome and I am cool 915 01:15:33,071 --> 01:15:36,268 That's why this prince Fucks the kids from high school 916 01:15:40,145 --> 01:15:41,635 - Come on - Let's hear it 917 01:15:41,847 --> 01:15:43,781 - Now's the time to party - Let me hear you 918 01:15:43,982 --> 01:15:46,143 - You know what time it is? - No, what time is it? 919 01:15:46,351 --> 01:15:48,285 - It's time to get fucked - Fuck me 920 01:15:48,487 --> 01:15:50,546 - No, fuck me - Fuck me 921 01:15:50,756 --> 01:15:52,690 He fucks all us kids in high school 922 01:15:52,891 --> 01:15:56,827 Under the bleachers, in the showers While we're changing for gym class 923 01:15:57,029 --> 01:15:58,860 - I'm fucking Oprah - I'm fucking Obama 924 01:15:59,064 --> 01:16:01,157 I'm fucking Indiana's ass 925 01:16:01,366 --> 01:16:05,325 She's fucking Indiana And I'm fucking Hancock 926 01:16:05,537 --> 01:16:09,098 He's fucking Hancock And I'm fucking Beowulf 927 01:16:09,308 --> 01:16:12,766 You know you like it And I'm fucking Kung Fu Panda 928 01:16:12,978 --> 01:16:15,469 And I'm fucking Michael Jackson 929 01:16:16,882 --> 01:16:19,908 Don't judge me I love my animals, you see 930 01:16:20,118 --> 01:16:21,847 Oh, yeah, he's fucking the Chipmunks 931 01:16:22,054 --> 01:16:25,615 Sad to say, but it's true He fucks the Chipmunks, yeah 932 01:18:51,837 --> 01:18:53,464 You just got Wolfed. 933 01:18:53,672 --> 01:18:56,573 That's a little move I learned in jail. 934 01:18:56,775 --> 01:18:58,174 Yeah, I was in jail. 935 01:18:58,377 --> 01:19:00,937 Wolf wrote some bad checks in '95. 936 01:19:01,146 --> 01:19:03,273 Left foot, yellow. 937 01:19:04,616 --> 01:19:05,981 Oh, that's right, I fall. 938 01:19:11,957 --> 01:19:14,983 Sorry about that. This is mine. Sorry. I'm sorry. 939 01:19:15,660 --> 01:19:19,960 Wait. Oh, this is my jam. 940 01:19:20,165 --> 01:19:22,725 Oh, okay. You get on it. 941 01:19:23,168 --> 01:19:24,430 I am Beowulf. 942 01:19:24,636 --> 01:19:28,231 I'm the strongest man in seven kingdoms. 943 01:19:30,008 --> 01:19:32,533 Let myself go a little bit. 944 01:19:32,744 --> 01:19:34,609 Got a little bit flabby. 945 01:19:34,813 --> 01:19:36,713 I went on that Zone Diet... 946 01:19:36,915 --> 01:19:41,682 ...but I would eat like a whole week's worth of meals in like two days... 947 01:19:41,887 --> 01:19:43,479 ...and then be back to square one. 948 01:19:43,688 --> 01:19:47,715 If you've got crack anywhere, I don't care where it comes from... 949 01:19:47,926 --> 01:19:51,384 If it's in your crack... If the crack's in your crack. 950 01:19:52,964 --> 01:19:56,229 "If the crack's in your crack." Oh, that's rich. 951 01:19:56,601 --> 01:19:58,626 You ever been with a bald doctor before? 952 01:19:58,837 --> 01:20:00,930 - No. - We give better... 953 01:20:02,974 --> 01:20:05,101 Do I look like Harrison Ford to you? 954 01:20:05,310 --> 01:20:07,505 - He your pimp? - Oh, good heavens, yes. 955 01:20:11,316 --> 01:20:13,682 Oh, what to do? Yes, I've got it. 956 01:20:13,885 --> 01:20:17,343 You can be my prince of light, and you can be my prince of darkness. 957 01:20:17,556 --> 01:20:19,387 - Yes. No? Okay. - No. 958 01:20:20,325 --> 01:20:22,452 Left foot, yellow. 959 01:20:23,895 --> 01:20:25,658 Look at this onion. 960 01:20:25,864 --> 01:20:29,857 Baby, how did you get into it with him. You should be with me. 961 01:20:30,068 --> 01:20:33,936 Also, when I make love to a girl, she's also been Wolfed. 962 01:20:34,139 --> 01:20:39,634 I don't hit her with a stick, I just have sex with her. 963 01:20:39,845 --> 01:20:41,972 Or him. Doesn't matter. 964 01:20:42,180 --> 01:20:44,375 Wolf goes both ways, you know what I'm saying? 965 01:20:44,583 --> 01:20:47,017 I got us tickets to Madonna's reunion show... 966 01:20:47,219 --> 01:20:49,414 ...and then I wanna kiss your sweet face. 967 01:20:49,621 --> 01:20:50,371 No! 968 01:20:52,557 --> 01:20:54,650 Take it from the top again. She says, "Hello." 969 01:20:54,860 --> 01:20:57,658 Don't hit her so hard. Just hit her really lightly. 970 01:20:57,863 --> 01:20:59,296 Okay? 971 01:20:59,998 --> 01:21:01,397 Good enough for me. 972 01:21:03,135 --> 01:21:04,864 It's all very funny. 973 01:21:05,670 --> 01:21:07,137 Cut. 974 01:21:07,806 --> 01:21:11,537 Oh, it's my Blake, incarcerated. Hi, Blakey. 975 01:21:11,743 --> 01:21:14,143 How are you? I love you. 976 01:21:14,346 --> 01:21:16,177 He did not kill those three prostitutes. 977 01:21:16,381 --> 01:21:20,374 They were already dead when he got to them. I'm swearing to God. 978 01:21:20,886 --> 01:21:23,912 Look, I have to tell you something. I'm not really a banker. 979 01:21:24,122 --> 01:21:25,749 As my voice cracks. 980 01:21:25,957 --> 01:21:31,020 Look, I have something to tell you. I'm not really a banker. I'm a jumper. 981 01:21:31,229 --> 01:21:34,596 I can teleport through space and time. 982 01:21:37,936 --> 01:21:40,302 - What is it again? Time and space. - Time and space. 983 01:21:40,705 --> 01:21:42,297 Look, I have something to tell you. 984 01:21:42,507 --> 01:21:44,702 I'm not really a banker. I'm a jumper. 985 01:21:44,910 --> 01:21:47,879 - A what? - I can teleport through time... 986 01:21:54,286 --> 01:21:55,617 You're a talking panda. 987 01:21:55,820 --> 01:21:59,347 Come back to my magical kingdom, and I'll show you my talking beaver. 988 01:21:59,858 --> 01:22:01,758 It just keeps coming. 989 01:22:01,960 --> 01:22:05,794 Knock, knock. Who's there? Milk in your mouth. 990 01:22:11,703 --> 01:22:18,541 Hey, is my singing stick on? It is on? Is the singing stick on? 991 01:22:21,246 --> 01:22:24,545 You know, everyone wants to know where I got my: 992 01:22:24,749 --> 01:22:27,809 It all started one night when I was crying in my truck. 993 01:22:28,019 --> 01:22:30,920 Yeah. I ain't crying no more, man. 994 01:22:31,122 --> 01:22:33,113 Fourteenth highest-rated show on TV. 995 01:22:33,325 --> 01:22:36,226 I got a time-share in Key West. 996 01:22:36,928 --> 01:22:41,194 Oh, baby, I make shoes 997 01:22:41,399 --> 01:22:45,267 And these are my boobs 998 01:22:45,470 --> 01:22:47,700 I want you to see me in my birthday suit. 999 01:22:47,906 --> 01:22:50,136 I want you to watch me take a bubble bath. 1000 01:22:50,342 --> 01:22:53,209 I'm gonna play around with the bubbles and make a little beard. 1001 01:22:53,411 --> 01:22:55,345 Pretend I'm Santa Claus. 1002 01:22:56,715 --> 01:22:59,411 Oh, son, I'm loving this. 1003 01:22:59,784 --> 01:23:03,220 Hang on a bit. You're a bit of stuff, aren't you? 1004 01:23:03,421 --> 01:23:06,481 Look at you. What are you packing under there? 1005 01:23:06,691 --> 01:23:08,215 What are you hiding under that? 1006 01:23:08,426 --> 01:23:11,293 I can see your sausage and biscuits. 1007 01:23:12,631 --> 01:23:14,155 I love sausage and biscuits. 1008 01:23:27,379 --> 01:23:29,176 Wonderful! 1009 01:23:30,248 --> 01:23:32,341 I'd like to get you naked and analyze you. 1010 01:23:32,550 --> 01:23:34,677 Oh, shit. 1011 01:23:34,886 --> 01:23:37,286 Do you like this shirt? I totally made it myself. 1012 01:23:37,489 --> 01:23:40,083 Well, it's because I ripped it. It's because I burned it. 1013 01:23:40,292 --> 01:23:41,987 I was leaning over my birthday candles. 1014 01:23:42,193 --> 01:23:43,922 I was gonna blow them out, make a wish. 1015 01:23:44,129 --> 01:23:45,756 Instead my shirt caught on fire. 1016 01:23:46,197 --> 01:23:49,894 Son, if you go back for your girlfriend, you have zero chance of survival. 1017 01:23:50,235 --> 01:23:52,203 I'll take those odds. 1018 01:23:53,405 --> 01:23:55,339 Do you hear that train? 1019 01:23:57,709 --> 01:24:01,440 Son, if you go back for your girlfriend, you have zero chance of survival. 1020 01:24:01,646 --> 01:24:03,307 I'll take those odds. 1021 01:24:03,515 --> 01:24:06,712 You hear that train again? You hear that again, that second time? 1022 01:24:07,118 --> 01:24:10,884 Son, if you go back for your girlfriend, you have zero chance of survival. 1023 01:24:11,323 --> 01:24:12,381 I'll take those... 1024 01:24:12,590 --> 01:24:15,058 Train. I knew it was coming too. Yeah. 1025 01:24:15,260 --> 01:24:19,060 - Is that the train we should catch? - No, no. Take a... 1026 01:24:21,766 --> 01:24:22,755 Couple more? 1027 01:24:22,967 --> 01:24:25,834 You're hot. Are those things real? 1028 01:24:27,839 --> 01:24:32,037 Hey, everybody, be sure to remember to always use Proactiv. It helped me. 1029 01:24:32,243 --> 01:24:36,907 It helped my skin It helped my skin 1030 01:24:37,115 --> 01:24:42,781 It helped my skin It helped my skin, baby 1031 01:24:42,987 --> 01:24:46,354 It helped me. I used to have it all around this part of my face... 1032 01:24:46,558 --> 01:24:48,355 ...and all around my talking hole... 1033 01:24:48,560 --> 01:24:52,018 ...and then out of this squishy part right here. 1034 01:24:52,230 --> 01:24:54,721 I had it everywhere, and now it's gone. 1035 01:24:54,933 --> 01:25:00,064 There's a medical term for what you do to me: Horny. 1036 01:27:00,065 --> 01:27:10,066 SUB BY: Fidel33