1 00:01:10,928 --> 00:01:12,138 (SIGHS) 2 00:01:13,552 --> 00:01:15,340 Give it to me straight. 3 00:01:15,759 --> 00:01:17,701 Virginal bride, or... 4 00:01:17,871 --> 00:01:19,562 ...slut in white? Ha, ha. - Ha, ha. 5 00:01:19,728 --> 00:01:21,735 He is so lucky. 6 00:01:21,903 --> 00:01:23,113 (SIGHS) 7 00:01:24,624 --> 00:01:27,657 (SIGHS) 8 00:01:32,048 --> 00:01:33,030 (KNOCK ON DOOR) 9 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:34,792 MAN: You okay in there? 10 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:36,422 I feel sick. 11 00:01:36,592 --> 00:01:38,152 Oh. 12 00:01:38,831 --> 00:01:40,718 You're getting nervous. 13 00:01:41,392 --> 00:01:44,326 You remember last year when Jesse and I broke up for a couple of weeks... 14 00:01:44,495 --> 00:01:47,811 ...and, uh, I thought she spent those two weeks in bed... 15 00:01:47,983 --> 00:01:49,510 ...sad and depressed? 16 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:52,363 - Yeah. - This morning she tells me... 17 00:01:52,527 --> 00:01:55,822 ...out of the blue that she spent one of those weeks in bed with Jake Lee. 18 00:01:56,367 --> 00:01:59,149 - What did you do? - Nothing. 19 00:01:59,823 --> 00:02:03,718 Good. That's good. So, what's wrong? 20 00:02:03,888 --> 00:02:05,928 She slept with Jake Lee. 21 00:02:06,096 --> 00:02:07,754 She slept with him for like a week. 22 00:02:08,272 --> 00:02:12,134 How am I supposed to live with that? What if all this is a mistake? 23 00:02:12,335 --> 00:02:14,026 Come on, you would've known that by now. 24 00:02:14,192 --> 00:02:17,126 - Am I overreacting? - Yes, you are. 25 00:02:17,295 --> 00:02:19,466 Come on, man, it's not like she actually cheated. 26 00:02:19,631 --> 00:02:22,087 I mean, you know, you had broken up. 27 00:02:22,447 --> 00:02:23,592 Right. 28 00:02:24,048 --> 00:02:25,422 What would you do? 29 00:02:26,639 --> 00:02:29,159 I'd be happy, man. Ha, ha. 30 00:02:29,392 --> 00:02:32,391 I mean, it's Jesse. Everyone you know wants Jesse. 31 00:02:32,559 --> 00:02:35,407 - What do you mean by that? - I didn't... I didn't... 32 00:02:35,568 --> 00:02:38,568 Ahem. I didn't mean it like that. I just, uh... 33 00:02:39,087 --> 00:02:42,186 Look, you wanted this, right? 34 00:02:42,351 --> 00:02:46,312 So, pull yourself together, go out there and get married. 35 00:02:50,287 --> 00:02:52,294 (TALKING INDISTINCTLY) 36 00:02:57,840 --> 00:02:59,465 FRANK: Ed? 37 00:02:59,631 --> 00:03:01,257 Mr. Allen. 38 00:03:01,871 --> 00:03:04,686 FRANK: You caught me reminiscing. A lot of memories here. 39 00:03:04,847 --> 00:03:06,222 Buy you a drink? 40 00:03:06,384 --> 00:03:09,799 Oh, I'd love to, Frank, but I'm kind of... I'm in a bit of a rush. 41 00:03:09,968 --> 00:03:11,178 FRANK: I insist. 42 00:03:11,599 --> 00:03:14,665 After all, it is the traditional function of the father of the bride. 43 00:03:14,831 --> 00:03:15,943 ED: What is? 44 00:03:16,111 --> 00:03:17,900 FRANK: Keeping the groom away from back exits. 45 00:03:18,063 --> 00:03:22,089 No, I was just gonna go outside, get some air. 46 00:03:22,256 --> 00:03:24,776 Your best tequila, on the rocks. Come over here a second. 47 00:03:24,943 --> 00:03:27,212 - It's tequila, right? ED: Uh, none for me, thanks. 48 00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:29,131 That's great. He'll have a double. 49 00:03:29,295 --> 00:03:31,815 You know, I realize that you don't know me very well, Ed. 50 00:03:31,983 --> 00:03:34,831 You and Jesse down at school, my wife and I here, but trust me... 51 00:03:34,991 --> 00:03:36,006 ...you can talk to me. 52 00:03:36,687 --> 00:03:39,054 Nothing really to talk about, sir. 53 00:03:39,376 --> 00:03:40,619 FRANK: Doubts? 54 00:03:40,783 --> 00:03:43,686 No, no. No doubts. Uh, no doubt in my mind. 55 00:03:43,855 --> 00:03:46,889 I'm totally doubt-free. I'm, uh... I'm doubtless. 56 00:03:47,056 --> 00:03:48,582 Yeah. 57 00:03:49,136 --> 00:03:51,340 I'll tell you what. Ahem. 58 00:03:52,047 --> 00:03:55,276 Why don't we make a little list, shall we? 59 00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:57,414 Let's start with doubt number one. 60 00:03:57,583 --> 00:03:58,990 Uh, none. 61 00:03:59,151 --> 00:04:02,467 No, I promise. None. Uh, number one is "none." 62 00:04:02,639 --> 00:04:05,454 Oh, come on, we can do better than that. 63 00:04:05,615 --> 00:04:07,306 What about that thing with Jake Lee? 64 00:04:09,455 --> 00:04:12,237 - She told you that? - Two weeks, last year. 65 00:04:12,399 --> 00:04:13,992 Two weeks? She told me a week. 66 00:04:14,159 --> 00:04:18,349 One, two, most of Lent, that's hardly the point. 67 00:04:18,511 --> 00:04:20,584 That's not why you're eyeing the exit. 68 00:04:20,751 --> 00:04:22,759 Jake Lee's an excuse. 69 00:04:23,727 --> 00:04:25,899 Tell me something, Ed. 70 00:04:26,959 --> 00:04:28,007 Do you love her? 71 00:04:29,999 --> 00:04:31,822 Yeah, of course I do. 72 00:04:31,983 --> 00:04:34,154 Then maybe, just maybe, you're wondering... 73 00:04:34,319 --> 00:04:36,391 ...why it isn't pure and constant. 74 00:04:36,559 --> 00:04:39,788 Why all of these ups and downs. Conviction, then doubt? 75 00:04:39,951 --> 00:04:42,701 How can something that feels so right one moment... 76 00:04:42,863 --> 00:04:45,351 ...make you so queasy the next? 77 00:04:47,184 --> 00:04:48,460 Relax. 78 00:04:48,623 --> 00:04:50,598 Life is a mess. 79 00:04:51,311 --> 00:04:56,133 All you have to do is choose to love her the best way that you know how. 80 00:04:56,399 --> 00:04:59,181 You know, I've really gotta get out of here. Um... 81 00:04:59,343 --> 00:05:01,253 Thank you for the advice and the drink... 82 00:05:01,423 --> 00:05:04,293 You know, I've had a marriage of ups and downs. 83 00:05:04,464 --> 00:05:05,674 Oof. 84 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:09,701 Dazzling extremes. Perhaps you've never heard the full account? 85 00:05:09,872 --> 00:05:12,938 Frankly, Frank, another time. 86 00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:15,624 - Maybe Christmas? - Not really a Christmas story. 87 00:05:18,799 --> 00:05:20,326 Tell you what. 88 00:05:20,495 --> 00:05:22,317 One says "walk." 89 00:05:22,479 --> 00:05:25,032 And the other says "talk." 90 00:05:25,455 --> 00:05:27,527 Pick one. You choose. 91 00:05:27,695 --> 00:05:30,859 Pick the one that says "walk" and you'll be free of me. 92 00:05:31,023 --> 00:05:34,252 Pick the one that says "talk" and, well... 93 00:05:36,207 --> 00:05:37,385 You're kidding, right? 94 00:05:37,551 --> 00:05:38,729 (LAUGHS) 95 00:05:38,895 --> 00:05:39,942 No. 96 00:05:51,343 --> 00:05:52,805 ED (READING): 97 00:05:53,967 --> 00:05:57,196 I get the feeling sometimes, Mr. Allen, that you don't like me very much. 98 00:05:57,359 --> 00:05:59,214 I like Jake Lee. 99 00:05:59,823 --> 00:06:02,157 But my daughter loves you. 100 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,229 Which means you have a great capacity to hurt her. 101 00:06:04,399 --> 00:06:07,268 And you've never done a damn thing to prove to me that you won't. 102 00:06:07,439 --> 00:06:10,635 Like I said, my marriage... 103 00:06:11,119 --> 00:06:13,508 ...has been one of extremes. 104 00:06:13,679 --> 00:06:17,192 Certainty and doubt. Deceit and truth. 105 00:06:17,839 --> 00:06:20,010 But it started with truth. 106 00:06:20,719 --> 00:06:23,653 And it started right here in this hotel. 107 00:06:23,823 --> 00:06:26,157 In this very room. 108 00:06:40,591 --> 00:06:42,020 - Hey! - Hey. 109 00:06:42,191 --> 00:06:43,598 - How you doing, man? - Good. 110 00:06:43,759 --> 00:06:45,701 - Resolutions, huh? - Yeah. 111 00:06:45,871 --> 00:06:47,464 I always make mine on December 29th. 112 00:06:47,631 --> 00:06:50,893 That way I only have 48 hours to feel bummed about not keeping them. 113 00:06:51,055 --> 00:06:53,062 - Cheers. - Cheers. 114 00:06:54,639 --> 00:06:55,719 Hey, have you seen Susan yet? 115 00:06:55,887 --> 00:06:58,342 Uh, no, she's always late. Have you seen her lately? 116 00:06:58,511 --> 00:07:00,747 No, not since Teddy's party last week. 117 00:07:00,911 --> 00:07:02,318 Teddy had a party? 118 00:07:02,479 --> 00:07:03,908 - Yeah. - Yeah. 119 00:07:04,079 --> 00:07:07,046 - Was she there with anyone, or, uh? - No, not really. 120 00:07:07,215 --> 00:07:10,182 Oh. Which is it? "Not" or, uh, "really"? 121 00:07:10,351 --> 00:07:12,260 It's hard to say. 122 00:07:24,879 --> 00:07:28,228 Careful, Frank, she'll leave nothing but your bones. 123 00:07:48,271 --> 00:07:49,417 SUSAN: Cheers. MEN: Cheers. 124 00:07:49,583 --> 00:07:51,623 - Amen. - Amen. 125 00:07:51,791 --> 00:07:54,825 All right, okay. Resolutions, who's got one? 126 00:07:54,991 --> 00:07:57,839 - Sherri? SHERRI: Thank you. Take off five pounds. 127 00:07:57,999 --> 00:07:59,657 - Oh, come on. - Take it off now. 128 00:07:59,823 --> 00:08:03,435 SHERRI: Your turn, Frank. - Okay. I, uh... 129 00:08:03,695 --> 00:08:07,273 I resolve to be bolder. 130 00:08:07,439 --> 00:08:08,933 (ALL LAUGH) 131 00:08:09,103 --> 00:08:11,470 KEN: What a dick. God. 132 00:08:11,631 --> 00:08:14,729 Well, I resolve to fall in love. 133 00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:17,514 Okay. This is getting a little kinky now, kids. 134 00:08:17,679 --> 00:08:20,429 - That's pretty ambitious. - I am almost holding your hand. 135 00:08:20,591 --> 00:08:22,860 (ALL LAUGH) 136 00:08:27,279 --> 00:08:28,654 Okay, next, next. Who, who? 137 00:08:28,815 --> 00:08:30,637 - Come on, Susan. - Okay, okay. Uh, um... 138 00:08:30,799 --> 00:08:35,720 I resolve to buy a motorcycle. A red Harley. 139 00:08:35,887 --> 00:08:39,148 Nice. Nothing nicer or sexier than a chick on a hog. 140 00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:41,220 I resolve to stop you from doing that. 141 00:08:41,391 --> 00:08:43,365 Why? Don't you like motorcycles or something? 142 00:08:43,535 --> 00:08:46,732 It's just that 95 percent of riders get injured in the first six months. 143 00:08:46,895 --> 00:08:48,553 - Here we go. SHERRI: You memorized the stats? 144 00:08:48,719 --> 00:08:50,791 And 55 percent of riders get seriously injured. 145 00:08:50,959 --> 00:08:52,236 But it gets better than that. 146 00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:55,148 Do you know what doctors call riders that don't wear a helmet? 147 00:08:55,311 --> 00:08:56,391 - No, tell us. KEN: Sexy. 148 00:08:56,559 --> 00:08:58,348 Organ donors. 149 00:08:58,511 --> 00:08:59,917 Organ donors. Yeah. 150 00:09:00,079 --> 00:09:02,534 Just, look, promise me that you'll always wear a helmet. 151 00:09:02,703 --> 00:09:06,281 Somebody take the pole out of his ass. Frank, come on, you gotta loosen up, man. 152 00:09:06,447 --> 00:09:09,065 - You take the pole. - Okay, so I have another resolution. 153 00:09:09,231 --> 00:09:11,565 - An even better one, I think. - It better be better. 154 00:09:11,727 --> 00:09:13,385 - Does anyone wanna hear it? BUDDY: Come on. 155 00:09:13,551 --> 00:09:17,806 Okay. So, um, I resolve to... 156 00:09:17,967 --> 00:09:18,949 ...find a husband. 157 00:09:19,151 --> 00:09:21,901 KEN: What? SUSAN: Yeah. I'm afraid so. It's true. 158 00:09:22,063 --> 00:09:27,497 And, um, uh, I've decided to pick from my friends. 159 00:09:27,662 --> 00:09:31,853 You know, I don't wanna marry a stranger or anything. So, um... 160 00:09:32,527 --> 00:09:34,916 - Who wants to be my husband? - I do. 161 00:09:35,087 --> 00:09:36,200 - I'll do it. - Me, me, me. 162 00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:39,782 SUSAN: Shit. Oh, God. How will I ever choose? 163 00:09:39,951 --> 00:09:42,820 - By size. By size, boys. - By size of what, exactly? 164 00:09:42,991 --> 00:09:45,893 BUDDY: Whatever pleases you the most. - I don't like guesswork, Buddy. 165 00:09:46,063 --> 00:09:49,510 - There won't be any guesswork involved. - You just keep Mr. Ed in your pants. 166 00:09:49,679 --> 00:09:52,167 Oh, my God. That's actually what you call it. Mr. Ed? 167 00:09:52,335 --> 00:09:54,702 - That's charming. - Wait, that's it. That's perfect. 168 00:09:54,863 --> 00:09:58,179 What could be more revealing about a man? Best nickname for your dick... 169 00:09:58,351 --> 00:09:59,365 (ALL LAUGH) 170 00:09:59,535 --> 00:10:01,193 SUSAN: ...becomes my husband. 171 00:10:01,359 --> 00:10:03,301 Right. Okay, so who's first? Come on. 172 00:10:03,471 --> 00:10:05,740 Ken, what do you got for me? 173 00:10:05,903 --> 00:10:07,310 Come on, baby. 174 00:10:07,471 --> 00:10:09,959 Is it too hard of a question for you or something? 175 00:10:10,127 --> 00:10:12,298 - Uh, okay. BUDDY: What's her name? 176 00:10:12,463 --> 00:10:14,951 I call him... 177 00:10:15,119 --> 00:10:17,672 ...Squeaky the Bald-Headed Mouse. 178 00:10:17,838 --> 00:10:20,173 - Oh, my God, you don't. - Because he likes holes. 179 00:10:20,335 --> 00:10:23,018 - Are you serious? - There's an animal theme going on here. 180 00:10:23,183 --> 00:10:25,354 - Buddy? Come on. - You already know, come on. 181 00:10:25,518 --> 00:10:27,177 What? 182 00:10:27,567 --> 00:10:29,869 It's Master of the Universe, Defender of our Galaxy. 183 00:10:30,031 --> 00:10:31,940 SUSAN: Oh, shit, man. 184 00:10:32,111 --> 00:10:33,998 Couldn't it be "God Almighty" or something? 185 00:10:34,158 --> 00:10:37,420 - Uh, well, that's my tongue, actually. SUSAN: Oh, God. Whatever. 186 00:10:37,583 --> 00:10:40,333 - Okay, Frank? - Truth. 187 00:10:40,495 --> 00:10:42,699 - Yeah, come on, spit it out. - The truth. 188 00:10:42,863 --> 00:10:45,514 That's... That's what I call it. 189 00:10:45,678 --> 00:10:47,304 Truth. 190 00:10:48,239 --> 00:10:51,141 I'm sorry it's not a farm animal. I'm sorry. 191 00:10:51,311 --> 00:10:53,416 - You should be. CROWD: Ten, nine... 192 00:10:53,583 --> 00:10:56,845 ...eight, seven, six, five... 193 00:10:57,007 --> 00:11:00,389 ...four, three, two, one. 194 00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:02,795 Happy New Year! 195 00:11:02,958 --> 00:11:05,228 It was always gonna be you. 196 00:11:05,391 --> 00:11:07,300 (CROWD CHEERING) 197 00:11:28,622 --> 00:11:29,800 (DOOR OPENS) 198 00:11:29,967 --> 00:11:31,461 (FOOTSTEPS RUNNING) 199 00:11:32,879 --> 00:11:34,373 FRANK: Uhh... JESSE: Daddy. 200 00:11:34,543 --> 00:11:36,648 SUSAN: What is that? - It's your daughter. 201 00:11:36,814 --> 00:11:38,407 SUSAN: No. 202 00:11:39,055 --> 00:11:41,543 I don't have a daughter this early. 203 00:11:41,710 --> 00:11:44,198 - Whatever's there, kill it. JESSE: Hurry. 204 00:11:44,367 --> 00:11:46,374 - It's wide awake. JESSE: We're gonna miss the sun. 205 00:11:46,543 --> 00:11:48,845 Okay, okay, okay. I'm going, I'm going. 206 00:11:49,007 --> 00:11:50,567 SUSAN: Go away. 207 00:11:50,735 --> 00:11:52,874 JESSE: Hurry, Daddy. - Let's let Mommy sleep. 208 00:11:54,639 --> 00:11:56,133 - Hurry. - Okay. 209 00:11:56,303 --> 00:11:58,158 JESSE: Come on. 210 00:12:01,615 --> 00:12:04,332 FRANK: Okay, okay, okay. 211 00:12:07,567 --> 00:12:08,777 (BLOWS AIR) 212 00:12:08,942 --> 00:12:10,404 Ready? 213 00:12:18,542 --> 00:12:20,004 To give a good speech. 214 00:12:20,175 --> 00:12:21,701 Your turn. 215 00:12:29,583 --> 00:12:30,663 Nice writing. 216 00:12:30,830 --> 00:12:35,751 I wish, I wish, upon the sun, that my wish is number one. 217 00:12:35,919 --> 00:12:37,129 And what did you wish for? 218 00:12:37,294 --> 00:12:40,109 That Mary Ross will get hit by a truck. 219 00:12:40,270 --> 00:12:44,132 Well, that's not very nice. I thought Mary was your best friend. 220 00:12:44,495 --> 00:12:47,364 - I divorced her. - You can't divorce a friend. 221 00:12:47,535 --> 00:12:51,179 - Why not? - Because divorce is for married people. 222 00:12:51,342 --> 00:12:54,506 That's okay. As long as a truck hits her. 223 00:12:54,670 --> 00:12:56,612 (FRANK LAUGHS) 224 00:12:56,783 --> 00:12:58,343 All right, killer, come on. 225 00:12:58,510 --> 00:13:00,452 - Let's go dogpile Mommy. - Yay. 226 00:13:00,623 --> 00:13:04,169 FRANK: Shoot. Hey, Monster, have you seen my morning list? 227 00:13:08,110 --> 00:13:10,314 You need a list to keep track of your lists. 228 00:13:10,479 --> 00:13:12,389 Oh, thank you. 229 00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:14,566 No, honey, that's all sugar and food coloring. 230 00:13:14,734 --> 00:13:17,101 You've had enough. Go get dressed. 231 00:13:17,262 --> 00:13:20,230 "Conscious". Is it "sc" or "cs"? Stop right there. 232 00:13:21,263 --> 00:13:23,913 Come and give me a kiss, please. I got a big lecture today. 233 00:13:24,078 --> 00:13:27,013 - I'll be home in the morning. I love you. - I love you, too, Dad. 234 00:13:27,183 --> 00:13:28,492 All right. 235 00:13:29,646 --> 00:13:31,469 Don't forget to return the movies. 236 00:13:32,143 --> 00:13:33,768 - Movies? - Mm-hm. 237 00:13:33,934 --> 00:13:37,066 No, no, no. I can't. 238 00:13:37,711 --> 00:13:39,980 Would you, um, do it if it was on that list? 239 00:13:41,039 --> 00:13:42,861 - Of course I would. - Give me your pen. 240 00:13:43,022 --> 00:13:45,575 - Ah, ah. No, I don't have time. - It's on your way. 241 00:13:45,743 --> 00:13:49,256 - I can't be late for the ferry, so... - What time do you have to leave the house? 242 00:13:49,423 --> 00:13:52,270 - Eighteen after. - Eighteen after is not a time. 243 00:13:52,430 --> 00:13:57,930 - It's a symptom. It's like a twitch. - Well, you used to find it adorable. 244 00:13:58,319 --> 00:14:01,931 Yeah, well, I used to pound J￤germeister. 245 00:14:03,407 --> 00:14:05,130 Anyway, you won't be late. 246 00:14:05,295 --> 00:14:07,270 - Yes, I will. - No, you won't. 247 00:14:11,663 --> 00:14:12,645 - You didn't. - I did. 248 00:14:12,815 --> 00:14:16,263 - Oh, shit. - What? I've given you an extra ten minutes. 249 00:14:16,430 --> 00:14:20,292 No, you didn't. You set it the wrong way. You've given me ten minutes less. 250 00:14:20,462 --> 00:14:22,055 Oh, shit. 251 00:14:22,223 --> 00:14:24,045 - I'm sure you'll be fine. - Yeah. 252 00:14:24,206 --> 00:14:25,515 Bye. 253 00:14:25,903 --> 00:14:27,725 You forgot the movies. 254 00:14:27,887 --> 00:14:30,407 (PHONE RINGING) 255 00:14:36,175 --> 00:14:38,150 - Hello? - Hey, it's Buddy. Is Frank there? 256 00:14:38,319 --> 00:14:40,490 - He just left. - I might be late. 257 00:14:40,655 --> 00:14:43,819 - So might he. - Frank? I don't think that's possible. 258 00:14:43,983 --> 00:14:46,438 Don't drag him into anything unsavory tonight. 259 00:14:46,607 --> 00:14:48,363 What do you consider unsavory? 260 00:14:48,527 --> 00:14:51,047 Anything that might lead to a rash. 261 00:14:51,215 --> 00:14:52,840 - What are you wearing? - Buddy. 262 00:14:53,006 --> 00:14:56,421 - Come on. - I'm naked, Buddy. 263 00:14:57,806 --> 00:14:59,432 Thank you. 264 00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:03,560 We're okay. 265 00:15:03,726 --> 00:15:05,766 We're okay. No, no, no. 266 00:15:05,935 --> 00:15:08,586 Come on. No, no, no, you're kidding me. 267 00:15:12,143 --> 00:15:16,267 Please, please, please. No, no. Check the time. I'm right here, please. 268 00:15:16,431 --> 00:15:19,464 Hey, congratulations. You'll be the first one on the next boat. 269 00:15:19,630 --> 00:15:22,696 God, come on. Look, sir, please, I'm begging you right now. 270 00:15:22,862 --> 00:15:25,546 There's plenty of room on the ferry. Just let me drive it on. 271 00:15:25,710 --> 00:15:30,151 Please. I beg you, I have a speech. My wife, the movies... Aargh! 272 00:15:30,319 --> 00:15:33,101 Next boat leaves in an hour. This boat leaves at eight o'clock. 273 00:15:33,263 --> 00:15:36,110 Oh, look at that, it's eight o'clock. 274 00:15:36,910 --> 00:15:39,398 Next boat, pal. Schedule to keep, you know. 275 00:15:39,567 --> 00:15:40,908 (FERRY HORN HONKS) 276 00:15:46,543 --> 00:15:48,517 FRANK: The relationship between time and you... 277 00:15:48,686 --> 00:15:51,468 ... is always one of master and slave. Ahem. 278 00:15:54,446 --> 00:15:56,334 List-making. 279 00:15:56,495 --> 00:16:00,172 It is your anchor, your harbor in the storm of life. 280 00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:02,473 Start each morning with your wish for the day. 281 00:16:02,638 --> 00:16:04,973 And then move right on into your daily goal list. 282 00:16:05,135 --> 00:16:08,430 And remember to keep them in behavioral terms, and to be specific. 283 00:16:08,590 --> 00:16:11,372 Why? Because a specific list... 284 00:16:13,327 --> 00:16:14,505 ...is a happy list. 285 00:16:15,183 --> 00:16:16,743 (FRANK CLEARS THROAT) 286 00:16:16,911 --> 00:16:19,180 And don't forget, it's chaos out there. 287 00:16:19,439 --> 00:16:22,854 And we conquer that by taking control, setting priorities. 288 00:16:23,023 --> 00:16:24,583 Life cannot be based on whim. 289 00:16:25,007 --> 00:16:27,341 Those who fail to control whim... 290 00:16:27,502 --> 00:16:30,819 ...are destined to be controlled by it. 291 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,583 Thank you. 292 00:16:42,319 --> 00:16:44,806 Hey, back in the city. 293 00:16:44,974 --> 00:16:46,381 - Good to see you, man. - Yeah. 294 00:16:46,542 --> 00:16:49,193 Excellent talk, by the way. That was truly inspirational. 295 00:16:49,359 --> 00:16:51,082 I saw you come in. 296 00:16:51,758 --> 00:16:53,930 Yeah. My old man wasn't through busting my ass... 297 00:16:54,095 --> 00:16:55,851 ...for being late on the Bethnal job. 298 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:58,949 Do you have any idea how many windows are in a building that size? 299 00:16:59,118 --> 00:17:01,289 I don't know. Fifty? 300 00:17:02,447 --> 00:17:04,170 Something wrong in Camp Frank? 301 00:17:04,334 --> 00:17:05,512 No. Ahem. 302 00:17:05,679 --> 00:17:07,850 - What? - It's a little complicated, that's all. 303 00:17:08,014 --> 00:17:11,658 That's all right. No, that's okay. I like knowing your life isn't totally perfect. 304 00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:13,862 - Okay, look. You know this talk today? - Yeah. 305 00:17:14,030 --> 00:17:16,583 It's a big break for me in the corporate lecture circuit. 306 00:17:16,750 --> 00:17:20,263 Susan. Susan. She knows how important this is to me. 307 00:17:20,431 --> 00:17:22,536 She knows how nervous I get before a talk... 308 00:17:22,703 --> 00:17:25,092 ...yet she doesn't say anything, not a word, you know. 309 00:17:25,262 --> 00:17:27,684 Instead, she gets all over me about my schedule. 310 00:17:27,855 --> 00:17:30,091 She sets the clocks forward to give me more time... 311 00:17:30,254 --> 00:17:33,004 ...only she gives me less time and I end up missing the ferry. 312 00:17:33,167 --> 00:17:35,785 Now, do you have any idea how embarrassing it is... 313 00:17:35,950 --> 00:17:39,299 ...to show up late to a lecture on the efficient use of time? 314 00:17:39,471 --> 00:17:42,089 - She actually set the clock forward? - Actually set the clock forward. 315 00:17:42,255 --> 00:17:46,084 - Ha, ha. Oh, man, that's good. - Yeah, it's very funny. 316 00:17:46,255 --> 00:17:48,644 Come on, man. She's just trying to unwind you a bit. 317 00:17:48,815 --> 00:17:52,492 I'm not a clock. I'm not wound. Stop saying that. 318 00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:55,851 Look, not everything in your life needs to be ordered, Frank. 319 00:17:56,014 --> 00:17:59,014 You know, if you don't take any chances, you never try anything new. 320 00:17:59,183 --> 00:18:01,900 That's not true. Yeah, I take plenty of chances. 321 00:18:02,063 --> 00:18:05,675 Great. Let's ask those chicks if they want to go play some blackjack with us. 322 00:18:05,838 --> 00:18:07,595 - That's not taking a chance. - Why not? 323 00:18:07,758 --> 00:18:08,904 - Because. - Because? 324 00:18:09,806 --> 00:18:11,977 Because everybody knows... 325 00:18:12,142 --> 00:18:15,110 ...that the house advantage for blackjack is 5.9 percent. 326 00:18:15,278 --> 00:18:17,799 And that doesn't make sense. 327 00:18:18,991 --> 00:18:20,878 - Five point nine percent, huh? - Yeah. 328 00:18:21,038 --> 00:18:24,104 - I thought we were hanging out. - Yeah, we just did, and it was fun. 329 00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:27,718 But if you're not gonna take a chance, then there's two of them and one of me. 330 00:18:27,887 --> 00:18:29,742 I like those odds. 331 00:18:30,159 --> 00:18:33,541 Hi, ladies. That's my friend Frank over there. 332 00:19:07,918 --> 00:19:09,292 (WOMAN CHUCKLES) 333 00:19:10,894 --> 00:19:14,691 I was at your lecture today. It's not bad. 334 00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:16,204 Thank you. Ha. 335 00:19:16,366 --> 00:19:19,366 My boss forced me to read your book, The Ten Minute... 336 00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:21,290 - It's five. - What? 337 00:19:21,454 --> 00:19:24,269 - The Five Minute Efficiency Trainer. - Oh, right. Five. 338 00:19:24,430 --> 00:19:27,845 - It worked. It totally worked. - Really? 339 00:19:28,015 --> 00:19:31,659 I didn't expect that. Usually my boss is an idiot. So... 340 00:19:31,822 --> 00:19:34,506 - It was amazing. I mean, I make lists. - That's great. 341 00:19:34,671 --> 00:19:38,948 - They're color-coded. It's... - Yeah. It gets the life on track. 342 00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:41,453 - Am I gushing? - I have no idea. 343 00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:43,981 I'm Paula. Paula Crowe. 344 00:19:44,142 --> 00:19:47,590 - I'm Frank. Frank Allen. Nice to meet you. - You too. 345 00:19:48,719 --> 00:19:54,086 Would you like to try something a little bit different, Mr. Frank Allen? 346 00:19:54,254 --> 00:19:55,748 Well, uh... 347 00:19:57,326 --> 00:20:01,668 You know, uh, yeah. Yes, I would actually. 348 00:20:01,838 --> 00:20:02,951 - Yeah? - Yep. 349 00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:04,525 (FRANK LAUGHS) 350 00:20:06,382 --> 00:20:09,132 Two Tangerinis, please. 351 00:20:10,830 --> 00:20:11,779 (FRANK IMITATES EXPLOSION) 352 00:20:11,950 --> 00:20:16,206 You know, you're very brave to be able to talk in front of so many people. 353 00:20:16,367 --> 00:20:19,367 Mm. No. I, uh... 354 00:20:19,534 --> 00:20:22,436 Every night before I give a talk, I get this nightmare... 355 00:20:22,606 --> 00:20:27,243 ...that I'm giving a huge lecture and suddenly I notice that I'm naked. 356 00:20:27,406 --> 00:20:29,545 - Ha-ha-ha! - Ooh. 357 00:20:29,710 --> 00:20:33,965 Anyway. When I'm actually giving the talk for real, I reverse it. 358 00:20:34,126 --> 00:20:37,956 I pretend that everyone in the audience is naked. That helps me breathe a little. 359 00:20:38,126 --> 00:20:40,014 After today's crowd, I may reconsider that. 360 00:20:40,174 --> 00:20:42,508 (BOTH LAUGH) 361 00:20:47,502 --> 00:20:48,647 - Frank? - Mm? 362 00:20:48,814 --> 00:20:52,109 - Can I ask you a big favor? - Mm. 363 00:20:52,270 --> 00:20:55,304 I, uh, really, really have to go tinkle. 364 00:20:55,471 --> 00:20:59,846 And I have this phobia about public restrooms. 365 00:21:00,015 --> 00:21:02,732 - Would you...? - I have the same phobia. 366 00:21:02,895 --> 00:21:05,066 - All my life. All my life. - Ha-ha-ha. Right? 367 00:21:05,230 --> 00:21:09,485 Would you mind terribly if I use the bathroom in your room? 368 00:21:10,223 --> 00:21:11,717 (LAUGHS) 369 00:21:11,887 --> 00:21:13,261 You're funny. 370 00:21:13,422 --> 00:21:15,145 Mm, mm, mm. 371 00:21:20,302 --> 00:21:22,212 (GLASSES SMASH) 372 00:21:22,382 --> 00:21:24,138 - Oops. - Check, please. 373 00:21:33,582 --> 00:21:35,273 PAULA: Frank? - Yo. 374 00:21:35,439 --> 00:21:38,505 You know when you said that you imagined everyone in the audience naked? 375 00:21:38,671 --> 00:21:40,776 Oh, what's this? 376 00:21:40,943 --> 00:21:44,772 Does that mean that you imagined me naked? 377 00:21:45,518 --> 00:21:49,642 Yeah, married. Uh, going on eight years now. Yeah. 378 00:21:49,806 --> 00:21:51,148 PAULA: How did I look? 379 00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:54,343 Uh, just one. Jesse, she's, uh, great. 380 00:21:54,510 --> 00:21:59,147 We're talking about another one though, so... Whoo. 381 00:22:00,942 --> 00:22:02,633 - This good? - Hoo. 382 00:22:02,798 --> 00:22:05,351 Uh, wow. I'm gonna have some juice or something. 383 00:22:05,518 --> 00:22:08,747 I made my daily goal list for today. 384 00:22:08,910 --> 00:22:12,259 - It's very specific. - Yeah. Well, specific... 385 00:22:12,430 --> 00:22:15,147 Because it's chaos out there and you conquer it... 386 00:22:15,310 --> 00:22:18,376 ...by setting priorities and taking control. 387 00:22:18,542 --> 00:22:21,542 Well, these aren't instant gratification priorities... 388 00:22:21,742 --> 00:22:24,164 Yeah. We, uh... There's a system to it. 389 00:22:24,334 --> 00:22:25,578 (PHONE RINGING) 390 00:22:25,742 --> 00:22:29,354 Oh, I'm gonna get that. Yep, yep, yep. Let me get that. 391 00:22:29,518 --> 00:22:31,787 - Hello? SUSAN: Hey. 392 00:22:31,950 --> 00:22:33,357 Hey. 393 00:22:33,518 --> 00:22:36,169 I'm sorry about this morning. How did the talk go? 394 00:22:36,334 --> 00:22:39,116 Oh, uh, score one for the good guys. I aced it. 395 00:22:39,278 --> 00:22:41,253 (GLASS SMASHES, PAULA LAUGHS) 396 00:22:41,422 --> 00:22:42,470 What was that? 397 00:22:44,782 --> 00:22:49,571 Uh, nothing. I think, uh, I have no idea. So... 398 00:22:49,838 --> 00:22:51,627 - Are you all right? - I'm fine, baby. 399 00:22:51,790 --> 00:22:54,343 I'm just so exhausted right now... 400 00:22:54,510 --> 00:22:57,445 ...and I love you, and I'm gonna see you tomorrow, okay? All right? 401 00:22:57,614 --> 00:23:01,029 - Okay, okay. - Love you too. 402 00:23:03,055 --> 00:23:05,902 (LAUGHING) You should've seen your face. 403 00:23:06,062 --> 00:23:10,569 The way you squirmed, like a squashed little snake. 404 00:23:10,735 --> 00:23:12,458 - I love married men. - Oh, my God. 405 00:23:12,622 --> 00:23:15,622 Come here. How about the five more minutes of efficiency? 406 00:23:15,790 --> 00:23:19,303 I don't feel well. I have a wife and a kid. I gotta go home. 407 00:23:19,470 --> 00:23:23,726 Relax. It's too late to go anywhere. You missed the last ferry. 408 00:23:23,886 --> 00:23:30,410 - I'll drive around the peninsula, it's fine. - Well, that would take forever. 409 00:23:30,574 --> 00:23:32,396 - A waste of time. - Yeah. 410 00:23:32,558 --> 00:23:35,209 Remember that the relationship between time and you... 411 00:23:35,374 --> 00:23:39,629 ...is always one of master and slave. - Watch it, watch it, watch it. 412 00:23:39,790 --> 00:23:42,245 Look, I'm really, really sorry about this, okay? 413 00:23:42,415 --> 00:23:45,481 Use the room as long as you want. Nothing personal. Honest. 414 00:23:45,647 --> 00:23:47,469 I love my wife. 415 00:23:49,102 --> 00:23:50,280 (DOOR CLOSES) 416 00:23:50,447 --> 00:23:51,494 Jerk. 417 00:23:51,662 --> 00:23:54,247 (PHONE RINGING) 418 00:23:59,726 --> 00:24:00,708 Hello? 419 00:24:01,902 --> 00:24:04,007 - Hello? - Hello? 420 00:24:04,910 --> 00:24:07,179 You're probably looking for Frank. 421 00:24:07,342 --> 00:24:10,887 He just left on a mission of great secrecy. Sorry. 422 00:24:11,054 --> 00:24:12,647 (LINE HANGS UP) 423 00:24:37,454 --> 00:24:39,658 Pick a lane. God. 424 00:24:39,822 --> 00:24:41,513 Oh! 425 00:24:52,398 --> 00:24:54,569 - Oh, God. WOMAN: Aargh! 426 00:24:54,734 --> 00:24:57,385 FRANK: Are you okay? Are you okay? WOMAN: Aah! 427 00:24:57,550 --> 00:25:00,746 FRANK: Can you unlock the door? Can you...? 428 00:25:00,910 --> 00:25:03,332 Okay, what's wrong? Is it your head? You hit your head? 429 00:25:03,502 --> 00:25:05,771 What's wrong with your stomach? There's something... 430 00:25:05,934 --> 00:25:07,145 You're having a baby! 431 00:25:07,310 --> 00:25:08,422 (GROANING) 432 00:25:08,590 --> 00:25:10,565 Fifteen minutes. We're gonna be there. 433 00:25:10,734 --> 00:25:13,604 We're gonna be at the hospital in 15 minutes! Just hang in there. 434 00:25:13,774 --> 00:25:16,643 - I'm Frank Allen. What's your name? - Nancy. 435 00:25:16,814 --> 00:25:19,748 Nancy. Okay, Nancy. You're doing great. Just keep breathing, okay? 436 00:25:19,918 --> 00:25:23,115 Breathe in, out, in, just think about how happy this child's gonna make you. 437 00:25:23,278 --> 00:25:25,612 I don't... I don't want it. 438 00:25:25,774 --> 00:25:28,360 Well, my thought is that you're gonna have it. 439 00:25:28,526 --> 00:25:31,209 - So you know, just in, out. - You know what? 440 00:25:31,374 --> 00:25:33,610 - Breathe in. - I want you to have it. You take it. 441 00:25:33,774 --> 00:25:36,196 That's very generous of you, but no, thank you. 442 00:25:36,366 --> 00:25:40,075 No, thank you... Okay, just hold it. Hold it! 443 00:25:40,558 --> 00:25:43,373 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Just, come on, we're almost there. 444 00:25:43,534 --> 00:25:46,916 Oh, God! That's it, just keep breathing. Just... 445 00:25:47,086 --> 00:25:50,730 Oh, it's just leaking everywhere. Okay. Just breathe. 446 00:25:50,894 --> 00:25:52,902 (NANCY PANTING) 447 00:25:54,254 --> 00:25:57,188 Excuse me. Excuse me. I'm gonna need some information. 448 00:25:57,358 --> 00:26:00,009 - Information on you and your wife. - No, she's not my wife. 449 00:26:00,174 --> 00:26:04,614 - Well, fill out what you can. - Okay. Lightheaded here. 450 00:26:06,542 --> 00:26:08,746 (PHONE RINGING) 451 00:26:15,502 --> 00:26:17,029 - Hello? NURSE: Good day. 452 00:26:17,198 --> 00:26:20,394 - May I speak with Mr. Allen, please? - No, Mr. Allen isn't home. 453 00:26:20,558 --> 00:26:23,013 Do you know where he is? It's very important. 454 00:26:23,182 --> 00:26:24,589 No, I don't. 455 00:26:24,750 --> 00:26:29,028 It seems that Mrs. Allen is no longer on the hospital premises. 456 00:26:29,198 --> 00:26:30,889 I'm Mrs. Allen. 457 00:26:31,054 --> 00:26:35,331 Mrs. Allen. You're in no condition to have left the hospital. 458 00:26:35,502 --> 00:26:38,022 Post-childbirth can be a very serious condition. 459 00:26:38,190 --> 00:26:39,335 Post what? 460 00:26:39,502 --> 00:26:42,764 - Your baby needs you. - What baby? 461 00:26:42,926 --> 00:26:45,228 Do I have the right Allen? 462 00:26:46,126 --> 00:26:48,265 I'm... I'm sorry. Who are you looking for? 463 00:26:48,430 --> 00:26:51,746 Frank Allen of 17 River Drive. 464 00:26:55,021 --> 00:26:56,614 Hello? 465 00:26:56,814 --> 00:26:59,661 Mrs. Allen? Hello? 466 00:27:10,381 --> 00:27:12,007 - Get out. - What? 467 00:27:12,398 --> 00:27:14,187 - I said, get out. - Why? What'd I do? 468 00:27:14,350 --> 00:27:19,107 - No, don't give me that. See, I know. - I have no idea what you're talking about. 469 00:27:19,277 --> 00:27:20,325 - You're a liar. - Okay... 470 00:27:20,494 --> 00:27:23,461 - You're a liar! - Aah! Ooh! 471 00:27:23,630 --> 00:27:27,274 God! Okay, okay, listen, listen, listen, I made a small mistake. 472 00:27:27,438 --> 00:27:29,510 - Oh, God! - Wait! Susan! 473 00:27:29,678 --> 00:27:32,678 I didn't do anything really wrong! It was a professional flirtation! 474 00:27:32,846 --> 00:27:36,294 Is this what you've been getting up to all these dumb business trips of yours? 475 00:27:36,462 --> 00:27:39,461 She was a nobody! Yelling! Yelling! Yelling! 476 00:27:39,630 --> 00:27:41,288 FRANK: Okay! - Oh, God! 477 00:27:41,454 --> 00:27:44,324 All right, there was a small chaste-like kiss, more of a peck. 478 00:27:44,493 --> 00:27:48,105 - I've been up the whole night. - There was some tongue, not my tongue. 479 00:27:48,270 --> 00:27:51,052 - You've been boning some woman? - You called, and it was over. 480 00:27:51,213 --> 00:27:54,858 - Nothing happened! - How can you call a baby nothing? 481 00:27:55,022 --> 00:27:57,739 - What baby? - The baby at the hospital! 482 00:27:57,902 --> 00:28:00,836 - Oh, that baby. - Get out of my house! 483 00:28:01,006 --> 00:28:04,716 - Fuck off! - I deny everything, Susan! Susan? l... 484 00:28:04,878 --> 00:28:06,503 (DOOR SLAMS SHUT) 485 00:28:07,150 --> 00:28:10,085 FRANK: This is absurd. You're a hospital. How could you treat somebody... 486 00:28:10,254 --> 00:28:11,465 ...and not know who she is? 487 00:28:11,630 --> 00:28:16,070 We occasionally treat the patient before obtaining their social security number. 488 00:28:16,238 --> 00:28:20,678 - And then you let them escape. - Mr. Allen, this is a hospital, not a prison. 489 00:28:20,846 --> 00:28:23,977 We don't expect mothers to desert their babies. 490 00:28:30,382 --> 00:28:35,368 Okay, okay, okay, I'm sorry. You're absolutely right. 491 00:28:35,534 --> 00:28:38,119 Can you call my wife? Explain the misunderstanding... 492 00:28:38,286 --> 00:28:39,399 ...and I'll be on my way. 493 00:28:39,565 --> 00:28:41,932 - And tell her what? - Well, that the baby's not mine. 494 00:28:42,093 --> 00:28:45,290 - That I only met the mother last night. - I don't know that, Mr. Allen. 495 00:28:45,550 --> 00:28:48,419 Well, it's true. I drove them here, and that's it. 496 00:28:48,909 --> 00:28:50,404 Save it for your wife. 497 00:28:52,526 --> 00:28:54,697 Here's what Susan dropped off for you. 498 00:28:54,862 --> 00:28:57,545 Uh, what do you think I should do? 499 00:28:58,861 --> 00:29:01,731 Well, are you asking me as your friend or your lawyer? 500 00:29:01,901 --> 00:29:03,494 Friend. 501 00:29:03,661 --> 00:29:07,273 - Talk. Just talk to her. Be honest. - I've tried. I'm trying. 502 00:29:07,438 --> 00:29:11,529 She won't talk to me until I prove it's not my child. This is ridiculous. 503 00:29:12,205 --> 00:29:13,667 You don't remember the last name? 504 00:29:13,838 --> 00:29:15,398 - No. - No make on the car? 505 00:29:15,566 --> 00:29:16,613 No, it was dark. 506 00:29:16,782 --> 00:29:19,978 As your lawyer, if there's anything you wanna tell me... 507 00:29:20,141 --> 00:29:23,043 ...you know I'm sworn to hold it private and confidential. 508 00:29:26,861 --> 00:29:29,447 I didn't know her, Damon! 509 00:29:29,614 --> 00:29:33,192 Well. Without the mother's consent you're gonna have to get a court order... 510 00:29:33,358 --> 00:29:35,497 ...for a DNA sample from the baby for a test. 511 00:29:35,662 --> 00:29:37,516 - How long? - Four months minimum. 512 00:29:37,677 --> 00:29:39,750 Oh, God. 513 00:29:41,230 --> 00:29:43,172 Look, stop worrying. 514 00:29:43,342 --> 00:29:46,986 If what you say is true, there's no way the mother, the hospital or the queen... 515 00:29:47,150 --> 00:29:49,452 ...could prove that child's yours in a court of law. 516 00:29:49,614 --> 00:29:53,094 I'm not worried about a court of law. I'm worried about the court of Susan. 517 00:29:53,262 --> 00:29:56,458 Susan, I demand that you listen to me. I refuse to be hung... 518 00:29:56,621 --> 00:29:58,148 (LINE HANGS UP) 519 00:30:11,277 --> 00:30:12,554 (LINE RINGING) 520 00:30:12,718 --> 00:30:15,052 (PHONE RINGING) 521 00:30:18,638 --> 00:30:20,012 FRANK: Honey, I'm begging you. 522 00:30:20,173 --> 00:30:21,156 l... 523 00:30:21,325 --> 00:30:22,787 (LINE HANGS UP) 524 00:30:32,078 --> 00:30:33,605 (DIALING PHONE) 525 00:30:35,214 --> 00:30:37,124 (LINE RINGING) 526 00:30:37,293 --> 00:30:38,820 Monster, I love you. l... 527 00:30:38,990 --> 00:30:41,194 KEN: I love you too, Frank. - Ken? 528 00:30:41,454 --> 00:30:43,428 What are you doing over there? Where's Susan? 529 00:30:43,598 --> 00:30:45,092 She doesn't want to talk to you. 530 00:30:45,262 --> 00:30:47,367 - Put her on. - Frank, she went to the hospital. 531 00:30:47,534 --> 00:30:49,421 You're on the form as the father. 532 00:30:49,582 --> 00:30:52,265 - That's not true. Ahem. - Whatever you say. 533 00:30:52,430 --> 00:30:53,477 I believe you. 534 00:30:53,646 --> 00:30:56,581 You just need to give Susan a little more time for your sake, okay? 535 00:30:57,838 --> 00:30:59,332 All right. 536 00:30:59,502 --> 00:31:01,542 Hang in there, Frank. 537 00:31:01,997 --> 00:31:03,491 Yeah. 538 00:31:20,686 --> 00:31:24,461 You should be aware that results are rarely couched in yes-no responses. 539 00:31:24,622 --> 00:31:27,175 It just doesn't have the exactitude of DNA testing. 540 00:31:27,342 --> 00:31:31,400 The best is usually a statistical probability with a significant margin of error. 541 00:31:31,565 --> 00:31:32,994 When can I expect results? 542 00:31:33,166 --> 00:31:35,621 Uh, four or five days. 543 00:31:35,790 --> 00:31:38,376 Now, for the fun part. 544 00:31:38,541 --> 00:31:40,232 (SCHOOL BELL RINGS) 545 00:31:53,262 --> 00:31:56,328 - Bye, sweetie. See you later. - Bye. 546 00:31:56,494 --> 00:31:58,119 Uh, what's he doing here? 547 00:31:58,285 --> 00:31:59,562 Picking Jesse up. 548 00:31:59,726 --> 00:32:02,147 You're letting him see Jesse? 549 00:32:02,318 --> 00:32:04,358 He's still her father. 550 00:32:05,582 --> 00:32:07,851 Oh. Look at that. 551 00:32:08,014 --> 00:32:10,883 Big kiss, please. Okay. Ah. 552 00:32:11,854 --> 00:32:13,380 Daddy, when are you coming home? 553 00:32:13,549 --> 00:32:15,338 Hopefully in a few days, sweetie. 554 00:32:15,502 --> 00:32:17,869 How's Mommy? Did she get any of the messages I left? 555 00:32:18,030 --> 00:32:20,234 She called you a moral slob. 556 00:32:20,398 --> 00:32:21,925 Well, you know Mommy. 557 00:32:22,093 --> 00:32:26,534 Sometimes she gets upset for no good reason at all. 558 00:32:26,702 --> 00:32:29,735 - Like cleaning my room? - Exactly. 559 00:32:29,902 --> 00:32:32,106 She gets awfully mad when I don't clean my room. 560 00:32:32,270 --> 00:32:34,092 It's just like cleaning your room. 561 00:32:34,254 --> 00:32:36,043 So we're both slobs. 562 00:32:36,206 --> 00:32:38,923 I guess so. Yeah. 563 00:32:40,525 --> 00:32:43,395 - Does that make me a bigamist too? - Oh. 564 00:32:44,269 --> 00:32:46,211 Mommy. 565 00:32:55,310 --> 00:32:57,350 What the hell is that? 566 00:32:57,517 --> 00:33:00,365 I'm calling him Abigail. 567 00:33:00,526 --> 00:33:03,974 Unbelievable. He's dressed you as a princess, and bought you vermin. 568 00:33:04,558 --> 00:33:06,925 He's the best daddy ever! 569 00:33:17,325 --> 00:33:18,732 Please. 570 00:33:24,878 --> 00:33:27,299 As far as your question of paternity goes, Mr. Allen... 571 00:33:27,469 --> 00:33:30,251 ...the tests prove 100 percent, without a fraction of doubt... 572 00:33:30,413 --> 00:33:32,104 ...that it is not your child. 573 00:33:32,269 --> 00:33:36,547 Yes! Proof! Proof. 574 00:33:36,717 --> 00:33:40,459 Yes, well, I checked the results twice. There's no question about it. 575 00:33:40,621 --> 00:33:42,988 You saved my life here. I'm just really excited. 576 00:33:43,150 --> 00:33:46,761 I was expecting some kind of completely ambiguous statistic here... 577 00:33:46,925 --> 00:33:49,642 ...so this is, ahh. 578 00:33:49,805 --> 00:33:55,021 Uh, no, it's actually quite simple. You have an extra X-chromosome. 579 00:33:55,790 --> 00:33:58,343 - No joke? - Yeah. 580 00:33:59,278 --> 00:34:00,390 What is that? 581 00:34:00,557 --> 00:34:03,688 Well, it's a condition called Klinefelter's Syndrome. 582 00:34:04,717 --> 00:34:07,783 Don't worry, it's harmless. Most men don't even know they have it... 583 00:34:08,397 --> 00:34:11,179 ...except for one of its manifestations. 584 00:34:12,974 --> 00:34:14,567 In what? What manifestation? 585 00:34:15,981 --> 00:34:17,225 Sterility. 586 00:34:19,021 --> 00:34:22,317 - Excuse me? - You've been sterile since birth. 587 00:34:24,686 --> 00:34:26,889 I don't understand. Uh... 588 00:34:27,053 --> 00:34:29,923 It is impossible for you to have children. 589 00:34:35,789 --> 00:34:37,829 Uh... 590 00:34:44,013 --> 00:34:49,577 You got the wrong guy, doc, because I have a little girl at home, and that... 591 00:34:50,574 --> 00:34:51,883 I'm sorry. 592 00:34:52,782 --> 00:34:56,676 Okay, something's wrong here. I'm gonna sit down and just... 593 00:34:56,845 --> 00:34:59,114 Um, you have the wrong label, or wrong test. 594 00:34:59,277 --> 00:35:02,212 I mean, this is a hospital. These things happen here all the time. 595 00:35:02,382 --> 00:35:06,310 l... I'm sorry to drop this on you. I know this isn't easy to accept. 596 00:35:06,478 --> 00:35:08,071 Hey. 597 00:35:08,237 --> 00:35:13,867 Come on, I'm a father. I have a little girl. A 7-year-old girl. Jesse. 598 00:35:14,029 --> 00:35:18,088 Unlike humans, chromosomes can't betray, deceive, or willfully lie. 599 00:35:18,254 --> 00:35:20,555 The truth is all they state. 600 00:35:21,325 --> 00:35:22,852 Um... 601 00:35:30,638 --> 00:35:34,566 But, Jesse. I have a... A little girl. 602 00:35:34,734 --> 00:35:38,247 I will, of course, take another sample, but I've run the test twice. 603 00:35:38,414 --> 00:35:41,316 I'm afraid, Mr. Allen, there's been no mistake. 604 00:36:07,437 --> 00:36:09,477 (PANTING) 605 00:37:09,166 --> 00:37:11,140 It's all been a lie, hasn't it? 606 00:37:11,309 --> 00:37:12,967 - You tell me. - I know. 607 00:37:13,133 --> 00:37:14,955 Oh, yeah? Well, I know, too! 608 00:37:15,117 --> 00:37:16,230 JESSE: Hi, Daddy. 609 00:37:18,381 --> 00:37:22,538 Go to your room, sweetie. Daddy and I need to talk, okay? 610 00:37:50,542 --> 00:37:51,654 MAN: Uh, excuse me? 611 00:37:51,821 --> 00:37:54,756 I'm willing to bet ten bucks that you're naked under those clothes. 612 00:37:54,925 --> 00:37:56,714 Why don't you join me for a drink? 613 00:37:56,877 --> 00:37:58,121 (LAUGHS) 614 00:38:02,893 --> 00:38:05,032 Hey, buddy? I think you're sitting in my seat. 615 00:38:05,198 --> 00:38:08,296 I wanna sit next to the pretty girl here, hmm? 616 00:38:09,677 --> 00:38:12,328 Hey, pinhead, I'm talking to you. You're in my seat. 617 00:38:16,077 --> 00:38:18,117 You work the ferry? 618 00:38:18,286 --> 00:38:21,449 Yeah, so? Move your ass. 619 00:38:22,222 --> 00:38:24,938 If you'd let me on, I wouldn't have been late. 620 00:38:25,102 --> 00:38:27,174 I wouldn't have been so mad at Susan. 621 00:38:27,341 --> 00:38:29,480 I wouldn't have been so stupid. 622 00:38:30,669 --> 00:38:33,451 I wouldn't know the things that I know today. 623 00:38:33,613 --> 00:38:35,718 Do I know you or something? 624 00:38:37,037 --> 00:38:39,011 What time is it now? 625 00:38:39,758 --> 00:38:41,252 What? 626 00:38:44,397 --> 00:38:46,405 What time is it now? 627 00:38:46,573 --> 00:38:48,134 - Screw you. - What time is it? 628 00:38:48,301 --> 00:38:51,683 You want a piece of me, asshole? Let's take it outside. 629 00:39:07,437 --> 00:39:09,893 (BOTH GRUNTING) 630 00:39:40,557 --> 00:39:42,466 That felt good. 631 00:39:43,149 --> 00:39:45,637 Thank you for doing that. 632 00:40:08,141 --> 00:40:10,562 - What is your name? - Tracy. 633 00:40:33,389 --> 00:40:37,513 We're gonna be late again. Get your bag, sweetie. I'll be in the car, okay? 634 00:40:37,677 --> 00:40:39,619 (DOORBELL RINGS) 635 00:40:43,629 --> 00:40:46,247 - Can I help you? - Does Frank live here? 636 00:40:46,797 --> 00:40:48,771 He's not home. 637 00:40:49,613 --> 00:40:50,955 I'm his wife. 638 00:40:51,117 --> 00:40:54,085 Oh. Hi. I'm Nancy. 639 00:40:54,253 --> 00:40:55,814 I wanted to thank him. 640 00:40:57,005 --> 00:40:58,019 (SCOFFS) 641 00:40:58,189 --> 00:40:59,334 For what? 642 00:41:00,045 --> 00:41:01,867 All his help. 643 00:41:04,781 --> 00:41:05,795 Is that Frank's baby? 644 00:41:06,573 --> 00:41:08,297 Oh, no. 645 00:41:10,701 --> 00:41:15,273 Frank, it's me. Why won't you call me back? We need to talk. Please? 646 00:41:15,437 --> 00:41:17,062 Call me. 647 00:41:22,797 --> 00:41:26,375 PEG: Flat out on the floor. Then he gets so scared he takes off on his Harley... 648 00:41:26,541 --> 00:41:28,646 WOMAN: Shh! PEG: Uh, ahem. 649 00:41:32,909 --> 00:41:34,797 - What's going on? - Um... 650 00:41:36,813 --> 00:41:38,339 Um... 651 00:41:38,509 --> 00:41:40,931 Let's, um, talk outside. 652 00:41:41,101 --> 00:41:42,529 Yeah. 653 00:41:49,485 --> 00:41:52,104 There are some rumors about Frank. Crazy stuff. 654 00:41:52,269 --> 00:41:55,432 Tom has a cousin who said his best friend was at the River Shore Bar... 655 00:41:55,597 --> 00:41:58,314 ...when your husband got into a fight and shredded this big bruiser. 656 00:41:58,477 --> 00:42:01,576 - Frank? - Yes. And he bought a bitchen Harley. 657 00:42:02,061 --> 00:42:05,193 No, that's not Frank. That's just not possible. Somebody's confused. 658 00:42:05,357 --> 00:42:10,277 No. John's son works at the shop. Frank bought a Harley. A red one. 659 00:42:10,669 --> 00:42:13,156 - A red Harley? - Yes. 660 00:42:16,973 --> 00:42:18,632 Without me? 661 00:42:24,333 --> 00:42:25,511 SUSAN: Frank? 662 00:42:25,677 --> 00:42:28,394 Oh, I'm sorry. 663 00:42:28,557 --> 00:42:30,411 I'll leave a note. 664 00:43:14,157 --> 00:43:16,808 - I need to talk to you. BUDDY: Oh, yeah? 665 00:43:16,973 --> 00:43:20,355 I found this in his hotel room. I'm worried. 666 00:43:20,525 --> 00:43:21,802 It's very succinct. 667 00:43:21,965 --> 00:43:24,354 I met the mother. She says it's not Frank's baby. 668 00:43:24,525 --> 00:43:26,598 Well, that's great. You can take Frank back. 669 00:43:26,765 --> 00:43:28,772 There was still a woman in his hotel room. 670 00:43:28,941 --> 00:43:32,421 Come on, give the boy a break. I mean, we all have urges. 671 00:43:32,589 --> 00:43:35,306 - You never look at the pool boy? - We don't own a pool. 672 00:43:35,469 --> 00:43:37,444 You don't need a pool for a pool boy. 673 00:43:37,613 --> 00:43:40,264 It's different. I never thought of Frank as duplicitous. 674 00:43:40,429 --> 00:43:42,666 - It's not Frank-ish. - No, it's not. 675 00:43:42,829 --> 00:43:44,454 It's not really his style. 676 00:43:44,621 --> 00:43:47,937 Buddy, stop it. I'm not this wanton creature you got floating around... 677 00:43:48,109 --> 00:43:50,662 ...in your sleazy little brain. - Really? 678 00:43:50,829 --> 00:43:53,284 I've had three men my whole life, okay? 679 00:43:54,573 --> 00:43:57,922 And this isn't about me, and it's damn sure not about you. It's about Frank. 680 00:43:58,093 --> 00:44:00,264 Hey, come on. You know I'll do anything for Frank. 681 00:44:00,429 --> 00:44:04,258 Then find him and make sure he doesn't do anything dumb. 682 00:44:08,429 --> 00:44:09,509 (CHUCKLES) 683 00:44:09,677 --> 00:44:12,165 (TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY) 684 00:44:13,901 --> 00:44:16,519 FRANK: Hey. It's open. 685 00:44:16,781 --> 00:44:18,209 Hey. 686 00:44:18,444 --> 00:44:20,746 - Hey. - Are you trying to kill yourself? 687 00:44:20,941 --> 00:44:23,362 Well, obviously, but I think it's gonna take a little while. 688 00:44:23,533 --> 00:44:26,435 Ha, ha. Good, because I bring happy news. 689 00:44:26,605 --> 00:44:28,645 Susan will take you back. 690 00:44:28,813 --> 00:44:30,667 A little begging may be required. 691 00:44:30,829 --> 00:44:33,000 What I do is send red roses every day for a week. 692 00:44:33,165 --> 00:44:36,874 By day five of the big red, she'll forgive you three hookers and a missed birthday. 693 00:44:37,036 --> 00:44:38,597 I'm not going back. 694 00:44:38,765 --> 00:44:41,961 - I had a pretty major revelation, Buddy. - What? 695 00:44:42,125 --> 00:44:44,547 All the decisions I've made in my life have been wrong. 696 00:44:45,357 --> 00:44:48,521 - Everybody feels that way, come on. - No, it's true. 697 00:44:48,685 --> 00:44:51,881 I've always been so goddamn careful about every choice that I've made... 698 00:44:52,044 --> 00:44:54,084 ...and what the hell has it gotten me? Nothing. 699 00:44:54,253 --> 00:44:56,675 So, instead I look around here... 700 00:44:56,844 --> 00:44:59,943 ...and I write lists of everything that I really wanna do... 701 00:45:00,109 --> 00:45:02,859 ...and then I just randomly pick between them. It's beautiful. 702 00:45:03,021 --> 00:45:06,119 Frank, did you hear me? Susan will take you back. 703 00:45:06,285 --> 00:45:07,747 What are you doing? 704 00:45:07,917 --> 00:45:11,943 - There's no choice to be made. - Exactly. This is what I'm talking about. 705 00:45:12,108 --> 00:45:14,051 Whim. Chance. 706 00:45:14,220 --> 00:45:17,220 I've decided to never decide another thing again. 707 00:45:19,469 --> 00:45:20,713 Hockey. 708 00:45:22,508 --> 00:45:23,490 And so it is. 709 00:45:24,557 --> 00:45:26,182 (COUGHS) 710 00:45:26,445 --> 00:45:28,518 (PLAYERS SHOUTING) 711 00:45:30,285 --> 00:45:32,456 BUDDY: Frank, maybe I didn't make myself perfectly clear. 712 00:45:32,620 --> 00:45:34,246 I really think she'll take you back. 713 00:45:34,413 --> 00:45:37,544 Hey, she loves you, you know? And you obviously can't live without her. 714 00:45:37,709 --> 00:45:40,971 That's not true. I'm walking on sunshine out here, man. 715 00:45:41,133 --> 00:45:44,646 When you look at me, you look at a creature of freedom. A man released. 716 00:45:44,813 --> 00:45:48,042 Any chance this "creature of freedom" is really a monster of depression? 717 00:45:48,205 --> 00:45:49,252 No. 718 00:45:49,421 --> 00:45:52,585 Look, what you need, and I say this as your best friend, is a vacation. 719 00:45:52,749 --> 00:45:57,321 A bit of sun, a bit of relaxation, and a huge chunk of Prozac. 720 00:45:57,485 --> 00:45:59,307 - I like that. - Yeah? 721 00:45:59,469 --> 00:46:01,673 I like that idea. Watch this. 722 00:46:01,837 --> 00:46:03,331 Okay. 723 00:46:03,501 --> 00:46:05,061 "Prozac." 724 00:46:05,964 --> 00:46:08,747 "Streak ice." Ooh. 725 00:46:11,181 --> 00:46:14,312 - And "become Slayers fan." - What are you doing? 726 00:46:14,477 --> 00:46:16,778 I'm gonna pick one. I'm gonna abide by the choice. 727 00:46:16,941 --> 00:46:18,729 - You know what that makes me? - A flake? 728 00:46:18,893 --> 00:46:20,006 - Free. - That's bullshit. 729 00:46:20,173 --> 00:46:23,784 You've been a Meteor since you were 6. You can't change who you are. 730 00:46:23,948 --> 00:46:25,858 - I can. - You can't. 731 00:46:26,028 --> 00:46:27,435 Okay, then. 732 00:46:27,596 --> 00:46:30,793 To do that, you'd have to be really twisted, man. Slayers? 733 00:46:30,957 --> 00:46:34,601 That's morally abhorrent. A man who would do that is capable of anything. 734 00:46:34,764 --> 00:46:36,619 Exactly. 735 00:46:40,620 --> 00:46:44,482 Frank, if you're gonna go nuts, you should at least have a god or a dog talking to you. 736 00:46:44,653 --> 00:46:47,522 Index cards? It's just not that sexy. 737 00:46:48,429 --> 00:46:50,949 You need help, man. You need to see a doctor. 738 00:46:51,117 --> 00:46:54,117 - I did. - You saw a shrink? 739 00:46:54,285 --> 00:46:55,692 No. 740 00:46:55,853 --> 00:46:57,827 No, not a shrink. 741 00:46:58,381 --> 00:47:01,730 If there's something wrong, you can talk to me, you know? 742 00:47:03,116 --> 00:47:05,091 Jesse's not my genetic daughter. 743 00:47:05,261 --> 00:47:07,333 - What? - Yeah. 744 00:47:07,500 --> 00:47:09,061 Yeah. I have Klinefelters Syndrome. 745 00:47:09,228 --> 00:47:10,603 - Kline-what? - Klinefelters. 746 00:47:10,765 --> 00:47:15,205 I was born with an extra X-chromosome. I've been sterile since birth. 747 00:47:15,373 --> 00:47:18,220 - Are they sure? I mean... - Yeah. Yeah. 748 00:47:18,380 --> 00:47:21,163 It's impossible for me to be a father. 749 00:47:24,909 --> 00:47:28,324 (CROWD CHEERING) 750 00:47:48,525 --> 00:47:50,085 I saw her. 751 00:47:50,252 --> 00:47:54,725 It was December 19. 752 00:47:55,277 --> 00:47:58,310 Oh, God. Oh, no. 753 00:48:09,964 --> 00:48:12,331 BUDDY: Hey, Jesse. - Hi, Buddy. 754 00:48:12,492 --> 00:48:13,987 Jesse, how old are you? 755 00:48:14,156 --> 00:48:15,301 - Seven. - You're seven. 756 00:48:15,468 --> 00:48:17,770 Really? Now when's your birthday? 757 00:48:18,221 --> 00:48:21,254 - Today. - Today? Today's your birthday? 758 00:48:21,420 --> 00:48:23,591 You didn't get me a present, did you? 759 00:48:24,108 --> 00:48:27,491 Oh, jeez. Of course I did. 760 00:48:27,661 --> 00:48:30,475 I, uh, got you this watch. 761 00:48:31,053 --> 00:48:33,322 And be careful, it's a Rolex. 762 00:48:34,029 --> 00:48:36,549 - Is your mother inside? - Yeah. 763 00:48:46,573 --> 00:48:49,769 Susan, I found a man wandering aimlessly in the hallway looking for you. 764 00:48:49,932 --> 00:48:52,354 - Thanks, Peg. Goodbye, Peg. - And what a man he is. 765 00:48:53,260 --> 00:48:56,424 - Is today really Jesse's birthday? - No, it's in August. 766 00:48:56,588 --> 00:48:58,443 What about Frank? Is he all right? 767 00:48:59,276 --> 00:49:01,611 - Uh, yeah, Damon bailed him out. - Damon what? 768 00:49:01,773 --> 00:49:03,595 - Who was the third lover? - Who? 769 00:49:03,757 --> 00:49:06,179 You said I was one of three lovers. Frank would be two. 770 00:49:06,348 --> 00:49:08,520 - So there must have been a third. Who? - What? 771 00:49:08,716 --> 00:49:10,276 - Who was the third man? - Let me go. 772 00:49:10,444 --> 00:49:12,200 - No, not until you tell me. - You're crazy. 773 00:49:12,364 --> 00:49:14,306 - I want a name. Who was it? - Alan Zelf. 774 00:49:14,476 --> 00:49:18,251 - Alan Zelf. When? - When I worked at that burger joint. 775 00:49:18,413 --> 00:49:21,446 I was 17, we did it in the basement on top of a pile of buns, okay? 776 00:49:21,612 --> 00:49:23,620 What's gotten into you? 777 00:49:23,788 --> 00:49:24,966 Fatherhood. 778 00:49:32,876 --> 00:49:34,370 (CLEARS THROAT) 779 00:49:36,429 --> 00:49:37,639 (SIGHS) 780 00:49:38,413 --> 00:49:39,874 Time. 781 00:49:40,269 --> 00:49:41,927 Efficiency. 782 00:49:42,828 --> 00:49:44,967 Organizational skills. 783 00:49:48,076 --> 00:49:50,498 Do any of you really give a shit? 784 00:49:50,893 --> 00:49:53,827 You're here because your boss thinks... 785 00:49:53,996 --> 00:49:57,062 ...that if you keep your desk clear and your calendars streamlined... 786 00:49:57,228 --> 00:50:00,774 ...you'll sell a few more computers, and who knows, maybe he's right. 787 00:50:01,197 --> 00:50:03,946 But will that make you any happier? 788 00:50:04,108 --> 00:50:07,818 Will it prevent you from waking up one morning with an incurable disease? 789 00:50:07,980 --> 00:50:12,170 Will it stop your wife, Susan, from whoring around on you? 790 00:50:12,588 --> 00:50:15,305 Must've been that week before New Year's. 791 00:50:15,468 --> 00:50:17,257 At Teddy's party. 792 00:50:17,421 --> 00:50:21,130 I knew it was stupid. Even when we were doing it I knew it was stupid. 793 00:50:21,292 --> 00:50:23,529 Gee, thanks. That makes me feel so much better. 794 00:50:23,693 --> 00:50:25,580 - You could've used birth control. - I did. 795 00:50:25,740 --> 00:50:27,944 - I guess it wasn't completely effective. - Yeah, no kidding. 796 00:50:28,108 --> 00:50:29,864 Oh! 797 00:50:30,445 --> 00:50:31,427 I could die. 798 00:50:31,596 --> 00:50:34,182 Betrayed. Yeah, sure, we've been betrayed. 799 00:50:34,349 --> 00:50:36,869 By the assumptions of our own society. You stay in line. 800 00:50:37,036 --> 00:50:39,851 Keep your shoes shined. Hard work and devotion will be rewarded. 801 00:50:40,013 --> 00:50:43,013 Well, let me ask you something, is anyone here truly happy? 802 00:50:43,181 --> 00:50:44,293 (CROWD MURMURING) 803 00:50:44,460 --> 00:50:45,670 If so... 804 00:50:45,965 --> 00:50:48,037 ...raise your happy hand. 805 00:50:49,645 --> 00:50:52,198 Then the decisions that you've made in your life are crap. 806 00:50:52,364 --> 00:50:54,404 You're a crappy person. Leading a crappy life. 807 00:50:54,572 --> 00:50:55,946 - Crappy, crappy, crappy. - No. 808 00:50:56,108 --> 00:50:58,116 Yeah. Crappy. 809 00:50:58,285 --> 00:51:01,448 Poor Frank, suddenly finding out he's not a father. 810 00:51:01,612 --> 00:51:04,678 Enough poor Frank. What about poor Buddy, suddenly finding out he is? 811 00:51:04,844 --> 00:51:06,405 - Poor Jesse. - Poor Jesse? 812 00:51:06,573 --> 00:51:08,515 - No father. - What am I? Chopped liver? 813 00:51:08,684 --> 00:51:09,732 You're a mistake! 814 00:51:09,900 --> 00:51:12,072 It could have been me you married eight years ago. 815 00:51:12,237 --> 00:51:14,059 It would've cramped your style. 816 00:51:14,796 --> 00:51:16,804 You don't think I crave stability? 817 00:51:16,972 --> 00:51:20,289 You don't think I haven't wanted a family, or desired intimacy? 818 00:51:21,837 --> 00:51:24,106 You don't think I've always loved you? 819 00:51:25,996 --> 00:51:27,043 No. 820 00:51:30,508 --> 00:51:32,069 BUDDY: Yes. Yes. SUSAN: No. No! 821 00:51:35,756 --> 00:51:38,244 (CROWD MURMURING) 822 00:51:56,236 --> 00:51:58,059 Whim... 823 00:51:58,221 --> 00:51:59,747 ...not thought. 824 00:51:59,916 --> 00:52:01,672 Chance... 825 00:52:01,836 --> 00:52:03,625 ...not planning. 826 00:52:03,788 --> 00:52:06,788 You are where you are today because you've been comatose. 827 00:52:06,957 --> 00:52:09,739 You've all lacked passion! 828 00:52:13,036 --> 00:52:14,978 Act on those passions. 829 00:52:15,628 --> 00:52:17,668 Succumb to your whim. 830 00:52:17,836 --> 00:52:23,019 Forge a new being, goddamn it. Do something before it's too late! 831 00:52:28,044 --> 00:52:29,986 Say yes to whim! 832 00:52:30,157 --> 00:52:34,564 Say yes to chance! Say yes to chaos! 833 00:52:39,788 --> 00:52:41,763 (CROWD CHATTERING) 834 00:53:26,028 --> 00:53:28,898 Paula, right? 835 00:53:30,572 --> 00:53:35,842 Frank Allen. Are you still a, uh, time tamer? 836 00:53:36,012 --> 00:53:39,427 Are you still a home-wrecking bitch? 837 00:53:39,596 --> 00:53:41,538 Still gay? 838 00:53:46,860 --> 00:53:49,194 What's with the cards? 839 00:54:04,172 --> 00:54:05,699 (GLASS SMASHES) 840 00:54:26,252 --> 00:54:27,878 What happened? 841 00:54:28,620 --> 00:54:31,173 What, you don't remember, beasty-boy? 842 00:54:31,340 --> 00:54:32,769 No. 843 00:54:32,940 --> 00:54:34,762 It was terrible. 844 00:54:35,565 --> 00:54:37,255 In a good way? 845 00:54:37,420 --> 00:54:41,032 You passed out halfway in, so to speak. 846 00:54:41,196 --> 00:54:43,367 Why is my pillow wet? 847 00:54:43,532 --> 00:54:46,696 You cried in your sleep for two-and-a-half hours. 848 00:54:46,860 --> 00:54:50,308 Whimpering like a little girl. 849 00:54:51,596 --> 00:54:54,531 It was like soft hotel-porn... 850 00:54:54,956 --> 00:54:57,858 ...unsatisfying and sad. 851 00:54:59,148 --> 00:55:01,767 - See you. - See you. 852 00:55:14,380 --> 00:55:16,103 Hey, it's me. 853 00:55:16,268 --> 00:55:20,262 I know this is the 33rd message I've left, but please call me, okay? 854 00:55:20,429 --> 00:55:22,316 I need to talk to you, Frank. 855 00:55:22,476 --> 00:55:24,036 Please. 856 00:55:25,100 --> 00:55:26,082 Bye. 857 00:55:26,252 --> 00:55:27,975 (DOORBELL RINGS) 858 00:55:33,068 --> 00:55:34,148 - Hello. - Hey. 859 00:55:34,316 --> 00:55:35,331 Here you go. 860 00:55:35,500 --> 00:55:37,802 - Thanks. - Have a good day. 861 00:56:28,108 --> 00:56:29,090 Susan? 862 00:56:29,260 --> 00:56:31,561 No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait! 863 00:56:43,308 --> 00:56:45,577 BUDDY: Stop. SUSAN: You have to stop following me. 864 00:56:45,740 --> 00:56:48,293 - And stop getting me flowers. - For chrissake, Susan. 865 00:56:48,460 --> 00:56:50,631 Cut me some slack. I'm trying to do what's right. 866 00:56:50,796 --> 00:56:53,796 - Okay. I'm trying to do what's not wrong. SUSAN: It's already been done. 867 00:56:53,964 --> 00:56:56,353 - But I love you, doesn't that count? - No. 868 00:56:56,524 --> 00:56:59,143 Don't play the martyr with me. You're not alone in this. 869 00:56:59,308 --> 00:57:03,105 - I'm just as smashed up as you are. - Then find your own hole to crawl into. 870 00:57:04,076 --> 00:57:06,923 Well, what about Jesse? I mean, she's ours. 871 00:57:10,028 --> 00:57:12,133 Jesse has nothing to do with you. 872 00:57:12,300 --> 00:57:13,761 She hates me, doesn't she? 873 00:57:13,932 --> 00:57:16,615 She doesn't know you well enough to hate you. 874 00:57:16,780 --> 00:57:19,017 So if she knew me, then she'd hate me? 875 00:57:21,484 --> 00:57:23,110 Buddy, what do you want? 876 00:57:24,780 --> 00:57:26,274 (SIGHS) 877 00:57:28,108 --> 00:57:30,858 My whole life people have been telling me I'm not responsible. 878 00:57:31,404 --> 00:57:33,411 I'm not, you know? I haven't wanted to be. 879 00:57:33,580 --> 00:57:35,522 But this is different. 880 00:57:36,556 --> 00:57:39,206 I just desperately wanna do what's right. 881 00:57:46,252 --> 00:57:48,008 What is right? 882 00:58:41,772 --> 00:58:43,528 (DOOR OPENS) 883 00:58:55,724 --> 00:58:57,099 Hi. 884 00:58:58,796 --> 00:59:00,869 Oh, God. I'm so... 885 00:59:01,772 --> 00:59:03,081 I'm... 886 00:59:04,364 --> 00:59:05,542 I'm sorry, Frank. 887 00:59:09,260 --> 00:59:10,821 You know? 888 00:59:11,532 --> 00:59:13,125 Yeah. 889 00:59:15,852 --> 00:59:17,445 Why didn't you tell me? 890 00:59:17,772 --> 00:59:20,041 It's hard to talk with a knife in your back, Susan. 891 00:59:20,204 --> 00:59:23,106 No, come on, it wasn't like that. 892 00:59:23,884 --> 00:59:28,139 It had to have happened before New Year's, after that night it was only you. 893 00:59:31,084 --> 00:59:34,565 - No double-life? - No, sweetie, no. Never. 894 00:59:37,580 --> 00:59:39,107 Do you know whose it is? 895 00:59:40,139 --> 00:59:44,874 - She's not an "it," she's Jesse. - Do you know, Susan? 896 00:59:48,556 --> 00:59:49,865 Yes. 897 00:59:50,028 --> 00:59:52,265 She's yours, Frank. She's... 898 00:59:52,812 --> 00:59:55,779 Maybe not medically... 899 00:59:55,948 --> 00:59:59,810 ...but in all other ways she's your daughter. You're her father. 900 01:00:01,772 --> 01:00:05,088 Whose is she? Whose is she, Susan? 901 01:00:05,260 --> 01:00:08,162 She's yours. She's yours. 902 01:00:08,332 --> 01:00:12,107 She's yours. She's yours because... 903 01:00:12,588 --> 01:00:17,127 Because when she had strep throat you held her through three nights of fever. 904 01:00:17,292 --> 01:00:20,139 Yours because her first word was "Dad." 905 01:00:20,300 --> 01:00:23,148 Because how scared you got when you thought you lost her... 906 01:00:23,308 --> 01:00:26,374 ...in the mall for 40 seconds. 907 01:00:26,540 --> 01:00:29,289 Because of how happy you feel every time you open your eyes... 908 01:00:29,452 --> 01:00:31,721 ...and she's standing there looking at you. 909 01:00:32,460 --> 01:00:36,421 She loves you, Frank. You love her. This is... 910 01:00:36,588 --> 01:00:40,003 This is our home. It's our family. Come on, Frank. 911 01:00:40,171 --> 01:00:41,895 JESSE (UPSTAIRS): Mommy. 912 01:00:44,044 --> 01:00:45,321 Mommy. 913 01:00:45,484 --> 01:00:47,306 SUSAN: I'm coming. 914 01:00:52,908 --> 01:00:55,297 I'll be two seconds, okay? 915 01:00:55,468 --> 01:00:57,192 Yeah. 916 01:01:26,444 --> 01:01:31,081 - What is it, honey? - I had a bad dream. 917 01:01:34,828 --> 01:01:36,999 Go back to sleep, okay? 918 01:01:38,284 --> 01:01:40,138 Try to go back to sleep. 919 01:02:21,964 --> 01:02:23,557 SUSAN: Frank? 920 01:02:33,740 --> 01:02:35,169 Shit. 921 01:02:42,443 --> 01:02:44,516 (THUNDER RUMBLING) 922 01:03:13,419 --> 01:03:15,907 (FRANK YELLING) 923 01:03:16,076 --> 01:03:17,603 (CRASHING) 924 01:03:39,212 --> 01:03:43,270 - Can I help you? - I'd like a weapon, a gun, preferably. 925 01:03:43,435 --> 01:03:45,258 I need to shoot something tonight. 926 01:03:47,115 --> 01:03:49,450 There's a three-day waiting period on all handguns... 927 01:03:49,612 --> 01:03:52,394 ...but I can sell you a shotgun, or a rifle, today. 928 01:03:52,556 --> 01:03:53,832 I'll take one. 929 01:03:53,995 --> 01:03:55,206 Great. What type? 930 01:03:56,428 --> 01:03:58,697 - Uh... - What are you using it for? 931 01:04:00,140 --> 01:04:02,442 - Hunting. - Hunting. 932 01:04:02,604 --> 01:04:03,618 What are you hunting? 933 01:04:03,787 --> 01:04:05,794 - Uh, duck. - Duck? 934 01:04:05,963 --> 01:04:08,811 Yes. A huge duck. 935 01:04:10,219 --> 01:04:11,529 Are you using a blind? 936 01:04:13,004 --> 01:04:14,498 No. Uh... 937 01:04:14,667 --> 01:04:16,642 No. I'd like to do this face to face. 938 01:04:18,668 --> 01:04:21,318 This would be a solid choice for you, sir. 939 01:04:31,468 --> 01:04:33,607 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 940 01:04:35,115 --> 01:04:36,609 - Hello? DAMON: Hey, it's Damon. 941 01:04:36,779 --> 01:04:37,761 Oh, hey. What's up? 942 01:04:37,932 --> 01:04:40,899 Listen, Frank came by and picked up the key to the boathouse. 943 01:04:41,068 --> 01:04:43,970 He was, uh, acting really weird. I almost didn't give it to him. 944 01:04:44,140 --> 01:04:46,245 He said he found a faster way than cigarettes... 945 01:04:46,412 --> 01:04:48,452 ... and that maybe you should meet him up there? 946 01:04:48,619 --> 01:04:50,791 I'm a little worried. Maybe I should go with you. 947 01:04:50,956 --> 01:04:53,061 No, I'll take care of it. Thanks, Damon. 948 01:04:54,764 --> 01:04:56,357 (MACHINE BEEPS) 949 01:04:56,524 --> 01:04:57,833 BUDDY (ON RECORDING): It's Buddy. 950 01:04:57,996 --> 01:05:01,127 I think Frank might've gone up to the lake to try something rash. 951 01:05:01,291 --> 01:05:04,488 I'm just gonna make sure he's all right. I'll call you when I get there. 952 01:05:20,747 --> 01:05:22,657 (BUDDY SIGHS) 953 01:05:25,164 --> 01:05:26,952 FRANK: That's amazing. 954 01:05:27,883 --> 01:05:30,534 I was just gonna call you, and lo and behold, here you are. 955 01:05:30,732 --> 01:05:33,099 Well, Damon told me you came up. 956 01:05:33,612 --> 01:05:36,808 I thought maybe you could use a friend, you know? Someone to talk to. 957 01:05:36,971 --> 01:05:38,913 Anything on your mind? 958 01:05:39,083 --> 01:05:43,109 This thin mountain air can give people strange ideas, you know? 959 01:05:43,468 --> 01:05:47,330 Ain't that the truth. No, nothing I can think of off the top of my head. 960 01:05:48,172 --> 01:05:49,219 How about you? 961 01:05:49,868 --> 01:05:52,137 - Me? - Anything you wanna tell me? 962 01:05:52,300 --> 01:05:54,187 Not really, no. 963 01:05:58,828 --> 01:06:00,072 Let's go for a boat ride. 964 01:06:08,108 --> 01:06:10,628 So you finished with all those index cards? Has whim waned? 965 01:06:10,796 --> 01:06:13,185 Ha, ha. Hell, no. 966 01:06:13,355 --> 01:06:16,105 It was in the cards to come up here and accomplish something. 967 01:06:16,267 --> 01:06:18,820 - What sort of something? - Something big. 968 01:06:18,988 --> 01:06:22,119 - How big? - Oh. Biggest thing in my life. 969 01:06:22,316 --> 01:06:23,974 Is the keyword here "life"? 970 01:06:25,036 --> 01:06:29,226 - Could be. Definitely could be. - You don't wanna do anything drastic. 971 01:06:29,419 --> 01:06:30,914 Don't I? 972 01:06:31,083 --> 01:06:33,571 I mean, something you can't take back, you know? Final. 973 01:06:33,740 --> 01:06:35,714 Oh, you mean something I'll regret. 974 01:06:36,812 --> 01:06:40,194 You have to think of those who love you. I mean, think of your friends. 975 01:06:40,716 --> 01:06:43,618 - Why my friends? - Because your actions affect them. 976 01:06:44,715 --> 01:06:47,049 Oh, I'll give you that. Yeah. 977 01:06:47,211 --> 01:06:49,994 One should always think of one's friends before considering... 978 01:06:50,348 --> 01:06:51,689 ...certain things. 979 01:06:51,851 --> 01:06:53,280 That's profound of you, Buddy. 980 01:06:53,452 --> 01:06:56,583 I suppose that "certain things" would test the limit of our friendship. 981 01:06:56,747 --> 01:06:58,308 - Wouldn't you think? - Exactly. 982 01:06:58,475 --> 01:07:00,101 Exactly. 983 01:07:01,068 --> 01:07:03,489 - Aren't we getting out a little far? - Yeah, Buddy. 984 01:07:03,659 --> 01:07:05,731 We're getting out a little far. 985 01:07:08,236 --> 01:07:11,203 SUSAN: Frank? Buddy? 986 01:07:13,996 --> 01:07:15,784 What the hell are we doing here, Frank? 987 01:07:15,947 --> 01:07:18,795 - I think you know. - I won't let you. 988 01:07:18,956 --> 01:07:22,152 Yeah? Well, why don't you try and stop me. Go ahead. 989 01:07:22,348 --> 01:07:24,388 - Where the hell did you get that? - Who cares? 990 01:07:24,555 --> 01:07:26,792 - I'm not shooting blanks this time. - Put it down. 991 01:07:26,955 --> 01:07:29,705 - We can talk about this, can't we? - Let's just cut the shit. 992 01:07:29,868 --> 01:07:33,577 - Don't start whimpering now. - Whimpering? Hey, it's your decision. 993 01:07:33,868 --> 01:07:37,381 - Oh, that's generous of you. - It doesn't mean I agree with it. 994 01:07:37,675 --> 01:07:39,617 Well, I would hope not! 995 01:07:39,787 --> 01:07:42,209 Look, you can't do this to me, or you, I won't let you. 996 01:07:42,379 --> 01:07:45,227 - You're gonna have to shoot me first. - There's a hell of an argument. 997 01:07:45,388 --> 01:07:46,370 Give me that. 998 01:07:46,540 --> 01:07:48,427 (BOTH GRUNT) 999 01:07:52,108 --> 01:07:53,384 SUSAN: Come on. 1000 01:07:53,579 --> 01:07:55,881 Shooting me first was just a figure of speech. 1001 01:07:56,044 --> 01:07:58,345 Oh, shit. Oh, that went all the way through. 1002 01:07:58,859 --> 01:08:01,991 I don't think it's smart to put holes in things that sink or breathe. 1003 01:08:02,156 --> 01:08:04,938 But you're the one with the gun. I can appreciate that. 1004 01:08:05,099 --> 01:08:07,881 - Are you looking for something? - A lifejacket. 1005 01:08:10,219 --> 01:08:12,456 Son of a bitch! 1006 01:08:13,932 --> 01:08:15,273 Frank! 1007 01:08:15,723 --> 01:08:19,618 Frank! Frank, what the hell is going on? 1008 01:08:19,819 --> 01:08:20,801 Frank! 1009 01:08:22,443 --> 01:08:24,483 They're just dancing, Mommy. 1010 01:08:24,652 --> 01:08:26,310 Give me that. 1011 01:08:29,355 --> 01:08:30,784 We gotta get help, come on. 1012 01:08:35,947 --> 01:08:39,013 There! Go ahead, commit suicide now! 1013 01:08:39,723 --> 01:08:42,822 Suicide? You think I'm trying to commit suicide? 1014 01:08:42,988 --> 01:08:46,054 - Yeah. - You impossibly stupid man. 1015 01:08:46,220 --> 01:08:50,562 You philandering, dumba... Murder! 1016 01:08:51,083 --> 01:08:54,149 I'm trying to commit murder! You idiot! 1017 01:08:58,635 --> 01:09:00,577 Yeah, yeah, a boat. Um... 1018 01:09:01,195 --> 01:09:02,886 l... I don't know. 1019 01:09:03,052 --> 01:09:07,013 Yeah, I heard a rifle shot. You need to get out here, now, okay? 1020 01:09:07,179 --> 01:09:09,601 Yeah. Yeah, okay. 1021 01:09:10,283 --> 01:09:14,276 Sweetie, I need you to stay in the cabin, okay? Just stay here. 1022 01:09:47,052 --> 01:09:49,059 (FRANK AND BUDDY COUGHING) 1023 01:09:52,460 --> 01:09:54,499 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1024 01:09:56,331 --> 01:09:58,404 (BOTH COUGHING) 1025 01:10:01,547 --> 01:10:04,515 BUDDY: Yeah, don't worry, you still have a chance to freeze to death. 1026 01:10:04,684 --> 01:10:07,105 FRANK: No, I wanna kill you! 1027 01:10:08,555 --> 01:10:10,562 (GROANS, HACKS) 1028 01:10:10,731 --> 01:10:14,473 Well, if I knew what you obviously know, I'd wanna kill me too. 1029 01:10:14,635 --> 01:10:16,359 (FRANK COUGHS) 1030 01:10:16,523 --> 01:10:19,654 That's understanding of you. 1031 01:10:22,667 --> 01:10:23,878 I'm sorry. 1032 01:10:24,044 --> 01:10:26,248 Fuck you. 1033 01:10:26,412 --> 01:10:28,932 (CHATTER OVER POLICE RADIO) 1034 01:10:38,955 --> 01:10:41,857 Mrs. Allen, you best wait inside. 1035 01:10:42,028 --> 01:10:43,337 Have you found them yet? 1036 01:10:43,499 --> 01:10:47,328 When I know something, you'll know something. Please, wait inside. 1037 01:10:55,275 --> 01:10:58,057 BUDDY: Do you even know where the hell we're going? 1038 01:10:58,219 --> 01:11:00,106 FRANK: There's a footbridge up ahead. 1039 01:11:00,268 --> 01:11:02,788 The cabin's a mile from that. 1040 01:11:36,331 --> 01:11:38,339 BUDDY: They're searching for us. 1041 01:11:38,859 --> 01:11:42,056 - How do they know we're here? - I told Susan. 1042 01:11:45,996 --> 01:11:47,752 Do you love her? 1043 01:11:50,475 --> 01:11:52,297 Does it matter? 1044 01:11:54,091 --> 01:11:55,879 And Jesse? 1045 01:11:59,563 --> 01:12:01,286 She's just a kid. 1046 01:12:01,451 --> 01:12:03,557 What does that mean, Buddy? 1047 01:12:05,515 --> 01:12:07,654 I hardly know her. 1048 01:12:13,643 --> 01:12:15,498 What now? 1049 01:12:19,755 --> 01:12:22,821 I just, I thought if I did everything... 1050 01:12:22,987 --> 01:12:25,670 ...for the now, that I could forget the past... 1051 01:12:25,835 --> 01:12:28,486 ...and the past is who I am. 1052 01:12:29,675 --> 01:12:32,610 And I just, I don't... l... 1053 01:12:33,036 --> 01:12:36,865 How am I supposed to go back to Susan if I don't know how to forgive her? 1054 01:12:40,331 --> 01:12:42,022 Look. Uh, ahem. 1055 01:12:44,939 --> 01:12:48,616 I'm gonna disappear. Just, look, tell them that you lost me, okay? 1056 01:12:49,004 --> 01:12:51,459 No, Frank. No, I won't. 1057 01:12:51,627 --> 01:12:53,667 - Yeah. You owe me that! - No. 1058 01:12:53,835 --> 01:12:56,737 Owe you? I don't owe you anything! 1059 01:12:57,803 --> 01:13:01,283 And you know what? You're a freaking idiot! 1060 01:13:04,107 --> 01:13:06,693 I wish Susan had picked me. 1061 01:13:07,211 --> 01:13:08,869 I wish Susan loved me. 1062 01:13:09,227 --> 01:13:12,074 I wish Jesse thought of me as her father. 1063 01:13:12,619 --> 01:13:14,953 But all they do is love you. 1064 01:13:17,963 --> 01:13:20,035 God, I even love you. 1065 01:13:21,387 --> 01:13:25,130 I'm cold, I'm wet, and I'm past feeling sad for anyone but myself. 1066 01:13:25,291 --> 01:13:29,764 So you know, stay out here if you want. Become one with nature, go hump Bigfoot. 1067 01:13:29,932 --> 01:13:32,931 But I'm going back into the cabin and getting warm. 1068 01:13:34,987 --> 01:13:36,448 God. 1069 01:14:17,867 --> 01:14:19,972 OFFICER: I think we got one over here. 1070 01:14:20,651 --> 01:14:22,561 Somebody get a blanket! 1071 01:14:42,443 --> 01:14:43,719 OFFICER: Where's Mr. Allen? 1072 01:14:47,179 --> 01:14:48,488 It's complicated. 1073 01:16:20,491 --> 01:16:21,920 JESSE: Daddy! 1074 01:16:26,571 --> 01:16:28,164 Daddy! 1075 01:16:58,891 --> 01:17:01,608 FRANK: You ever hear of chaos theory, Ed? 1076 01:17:01,771 --> 01:17:03,015 It's a science. 1077 01:17:03,851 --> 01:17:06,721 It tries to determine underlying patterns in chaotic systems: 1078 01:17:06,891 --> 01:17:10,568 Weather, ocean currents, blood flow, that sort of thing. 1079 01:17:10,731 --> 01:17:13,699 Well, it turns out that there are few things... 1080 01:17:13,866 --> 01:17:17,128 ...more chaotic than the beat of a human heart. 1081 01:17:17,291 --> 01:17:22,026 Speeding up, slowing down. A pretty face, a flight of stairs. 1082 01:17:22,187 --> 01:17:25,351 It's always changing depending on what's happening to us out there. 1083 01:17:25,515 --> 01:17:27,970 It's an erratic son of a bitch. 1084 01:17:28,618 --> 01:17:33,059 But underneath all of that bump-a-ta-bump mess, there is, in fact, a pattern. 1085 01:17:33,227 --> 01:17:34,950 A truth. 1086 01:17:35,115 --> 01:17:36,708 And it's love. 1087 01:17:37,227 --> 01:17:40,969 The most important thing about love is that we choose to give it... 1088 01:17:41,131 --> 01:17:43,553 ...and we choose to receive it. 1089 01:17:44,075 --> 01:17:47,523 Making it the least random act in the entire universe. 1090 01:17:47,691 --> 01:17:50,473 It transcends blood, it transcends betrayal... 1091 01:17:50,635 --> 01:17:53,537 ...and all the dirt that makes us human. 1092 01:17:54,635 --> 01:17:57,123 And if you can figure that out... 1093 01:17:57,291 --> 01:18:00,008 ...the Jake Lees of the world got nothing on you. 1094 01:18:00,171 --> 01:18:01,665 SUSAN: Now, what's all this about? 1095 01:18:01,835 --> 01:18:02,947 Uh-oh. 1096 01:18:03,115 --> 01:18:06,050 Poor Ed, has Frank been torturing you with tales of love and war? 1097 01:18:06,218 --> 01:18:08,706 - Well, yes, ma'am. - You're gonna be late. 1098 01:18:08,938 --> 01:18:10,946 I'll see you in there. 1099 01:18:15,019 --> 01:18:16,066 Thanks. 1100 01:18:20,683 --> 01:18:23,104 - Have you been bad? - No. 1101 01:18:27,723 --> 01:18:29,130 A little bit. 1102 01:18:30,283 --> 01:18:33,250 Come on, let's go. Monster, we're gonna be late. 1103 01:18:34,058 --> 01:18:35,553 (SUSAN LAUGHS) 1104 01:18:47,307 --> 01:18:50,787 - You're beautiful. - I'm nervous, Daddy. 1105 01:18:50,955 --> 01:18:52,264 Jake loves you very much. 1106 01:18:52,427 --> 01:18:55,209 - Ed. - He loves you too, honey. 1107 01:19:24,907 --> 01:19:28,387 Friends, we have been invited here today... 1108 01:19:28,555 --> 01:19:32,778 ...to share in a most important moment in the lives for Edward and Jessica. 1109 01:19:32,939 --> 01:19:35,067 In the time they've been together...