1
00:01:03,350 --> 00:01:05,226
Who's there?!
2
00:01:11,023 --> 00:01:13,526
My tooth! Aa-hh!
3
00:01:13,526 --> 00:01:16,528
What the fuck?
4
00:01:37,548 --> 00:01:40,551
Ow!
What the fuck?
5
00:01:52,478 --> 00:01:55,564
Oh, Jesus Christ! That is so vile.
Ugh.
6
00:01:55,564 --> 00:01:58,108
I'm sorry!
7
00:02:00,068 --> 00:02:01,987
I'm so sorry!
8
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:17,876
"Some say the earth
will end in fire.
9
00:02:17,876 --> 00:02:19,586
Others, in ice.
10
00:02:19,586 --> 00:02:21,588
From what I've tasted
of desire,
11
00:02:21,588 --> 00:02:24,132
i hold with those
who favor fire..."
12
00:02:24,132 --> 00:02:28,595
"Some women prefer white men,
others prefer Asian.
13
00:02:28,595 --> 00:02:31,556
I, however, prefer
the underage, dark-skinned boys
14
00:02:31,556 --> 00:02:34,100
who play basketball
and listen to Chris brown."
15
00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:36,060
- Excuse me?
- I didn't say anything.
16
00:02:39,062 --> 00:02:40,647
Marry me.
17
00:02:40,647 --> 00:02:43,358
Change me.
18
00:02:47,362 --> 00:02:49,238
Marry me.
19
00:02:49,238 --> 00:02:51,657
No, seriously, change me.
20
00:02:51,657 --> 00:02:54,368
I think I just soiled my pants.
21
00:02:56,370 --> 00:02:58,664
Do you want the bears
or the bunnies?
22
00:02:58,664 --> 00:03:00,123
Uh, bunnies are good.
23
00:03:00,123 --> 00:03:02,959
- Ahem--
- grandma?
24
00:03:02,959 --> 00:03:05,962
Wow, what are you doing here?
25
00:03:05,962 --> 00:03:08,923
Grandma, I want you to
meet my boyfriend Edward.
26
00:03:09,924 --> 00:03:12,343
- Oh, hello.
- Hi.
27
00:03:12,343 --> 00:03:15,387
Oh...
28
00:03:15,679 --> 00:03:18,724
No teeth.
29
00:03:20,726 --> 00:03:22,978
- Oh God.
- Ah, yeah.
30
00:03:22,978 --> 00:03:25,647
- Ah, yeah.
- No.
31
00:03:37,950 --> 00:03:39,868
Hey, sweetheart.
32
00:03:39,868 --> 00:03:42,871
Looks like somebody got in
a little late last night.
33
00:03:42,913 --> 00:03:45,373
Actually, I got in
at exactly 8:00.
34
00:03:45,415 --> 00:03:47,292
So, what, Edward's trying
to brown-nose me now?
35
00:03:47,292 --> 00:03:49,836
- What?
- Got a surprise for you, sweetheart.
36
00:03:49,836 --> 00:03:52,880
Look who's gonna be staying
with us for a few weeks.
37
00:04:04,641 --> 00:04:06,518
Hey.
38
00:04:06,518 --> 00:04:07,727
Good morning, sweetheart.
39
00:04:07,727 --> 00:04:11,063
Ooh, looks like somebody got
in a little late last night.
40
00:04:11,063 --> 00:04:13,357
Actually, dad, I got in
exactly at 8:00.
41
00:04:13,357 --> 00:04:15,776
So, what, Edward's trying
to brown-nose me now?
42
00:04:15,776 --> 00:04:18,028
You know, dad?
Let's just move on.
43
00:04:18,028 --> 00:04:19,696
Look, uh,
44
00:04:20,697 --> 00:04:22,074
you know why
I grounded you, right?
45
00:04:22,699 --> 00:04:25,577
Because I suggested the features that
made Facebook as lame as MySpace?
46
00:04:25,577 --> 00:04:28,329
- What?
- Because I've been asleep for three movies?
47
00:04:28,329 --> 00:04:30,748
- What?
- Or was it because I accidentally trapped
48
00:04:30,748 --> 00:04:32,750
those 33 Chileans in a mine
for over a month?
49
00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:35,211
No no. It's because I wanted
separation between you and Edward.
50
00:04:35,669 --> 00:04:37,713
Dad, there's nothing
you can say.
51
00:04:37,713 --> 00:04:39,673
- Edward's in my life.
- Hello.
52
00:04:40,674 --> 00:04:43,510
Yeah, I gathered that.
53
00:04:44,511 --> 00:04:45,136
All right, look,
54
00:04:45,679 --> 00:04:47,805
I'll make you a deal.
55
00:04:47,805 --> 00:04:49,474
You're not grounded anymore
56
00:04:49,474 --> 00:04:53,311
if you use some
of your newfound freedom
57
00:04:53,311 --> 00:04:55,521
to spend some time
with your other friends too.
58
00:04:55,521 --> 00:04:57,439
Like Jacob.
59
00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:00,734
Honey, he's going through
a real rough time now.
60
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:02,736
His dad's worried about him.
61
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,489
I remember when that was you.
62
00:05:06,489 --> 00:05:09,325
You needed a friend,
Jake was there.
63
00:05:10,326 --> 00:05:11,702
Not to mention
that they're turning
64
00:05:11,702 --> 00:05:13,829
that Indian reservation
into a casino.
65
00:05:13,829 --> 00:05:16,540
Honey, you could marry
into a ton of cash.
66
00:05:16,540 --> 00:05:19,293
Then you could finally buy your
old man three taiwanese hookers.
67
00:05:19,293 --> 00:05:22,045
- What?
- Two taiwanese hookers?
68
00:05:22,045 --> 00:05:24,381
- Ugh.
- I'm good with one. Not selfish.
69
00:05:30,386 --> 00:05:33,639
Welcome to the official
Jacob fan club hotline!
70
00:05:33,639 --> 00:05:35,724
Unfortunately,
due to heavy call volume,
71
00:05:35,724 --> 00:05:38,852
the hold time
is exceptionally long.
72
00:05:38,852 --> 00:05:40,812
But if you leave
your name after the beep,
73
00:05:40,812 --> 00:05:43,273
we'll be sure
to get back to you!
74
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,694
Jacob hadn't talked
to me in weeks.
75
00:05:48,695 --> 00:05:50,822
I wanted to fix it, but...
76
00:05:50,822 --> 00:05:53,783
He just wouldn't
give me a chance.
77
00:05:56,785 --> 00:06:01,248
♪ I'm fallin' so fast ♪
78
00:06:01,248 --> 00:06:04,834
♪ you are where I wanna be ♪
79
00:06:04,834 --> 00:06:09,088
♪ slow down and wait for ♪
80
00:06:09,088 --> 00:06:12,883
♪ you to take this earth
from me ♪
81
00:06:42,376 --> 00:06:44,044
Going to the reservation?
82
00:06:44,044 --> 00:06:46,338
What?
83
00:06:46,338 --> 00:06:49,424
No. I am going to the--
the cheese store.
84
00:06:49,424 --> 00:06:52,385
There-- they-- they
have this new camembert
85
00:06:52,385 --> 00:06:54,345
that's supposed
to be--
86
00:06:56,347 --> 00:06:58,807
that's some sexy cheese.
87
00:07:00,809 --> 00:07:02,978
Yep.
88
00:07:02,978 --> 00:07:05,730
Edward's been having a tough
time trusting me as of late,
89
00:07:05,730 --> 00:07:08,817
and I wasn't exactly sure why.
90
00:07:08,817 --> 00:07:12,445
Maybe it was because he saw me
take a 20 out of his wallet.
91
00:07:12,445 --> 00:07:14,405
Or maybe it was because
he caught me
92
00:07:14,405 --> 00:07:17,450
giving oral
at the dancing bear party.
93
00:07:17,450 --> 00:07:19,994
I don't know.
I just don't get it.
94
00:07:20,994 --> 00:07:25,665
♪ Waiting for you to speak ♪
95
00:07:26,666 --> 00:07:28,376
♪ I feel-- ♪
96
00:07:28,376 --> 00:07:29,210
You mind?
97
00:07:34,215 --> 00:07:37,259
So we spotted Bella
and Edward together again.
98
00:07:37,259 --> 00:07:41,013
And according to them, they
swear they're not an item.
99
00:07:41,013 --> 00:07:45,016
Whatevs. He's so dropping
his nuts in her mouth.
100
00:07:46,017 --> 00:07:48,186
As opposed to dropping them
on her chest.
101
00:07:52,065 --> 00:07:53,691
Well, wouldn't that
make them "chestnuts"?
102
00:08:00,364 --> 00:08:03,408
Sorry, Harry, blond dude's
nuts joke was better!
103
00:08:03,408 --> 00:08:06,912
Hey, so what's the deal guys?
You together or what?
104
00:08:06,912 --> 00:08:10,373
Come on, you got die-hard fans.
They wanna know what's going on.
105
00:08:10,373 --> 00:08:13,334
Bella, is Edward well-hung
or does he have a tiny penis?
106
00:08:13,334 --> 00:08:15,419
That is wildly inappropriate.
107
00:08:15,419 --> 00:08:18,422
Well what about Bella, Edward?
Does she have a large vagina?
108
00:08:18,422 --> 00:08:21,049
Whoa, that too is
incredibly inappropriate.
109
00:08:21,049 --> 00:08:23,093
It's huge.
110
00:08:25,896 --> 00:08:27,856
T-shirts!
Get your t-shirts right here.
111
00:08:27,856 --> 00:08:29,774
Join team Edward today.
112
00:08:29,774 --> 00:08:31,151
We got 25% off
for all new members.
113
00:08:31,985 --> 00:08:33,069
There you go, sweetheart.
114
00:08:33,069 --> 00:08:34,862
We got buttons.
We got pins.
115
00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:36,656
We got notebooks.
We got underwear.
116
00:08:36,697 --> 00:08:39,825
We got socks, t-shirts, sneakers,
we got whatever you want.
117
00:08:39,825 --> 00:08:40,701
All right, here we go.
118
00:08:43,078 --> 00:08:44,288
I've decided to throw a party.
119
00:08:44,997 --> 00:08:47,249
After all, how many times do we
get to graduate high school?
120
00:08:47,249 --> 00:08:49,334
Hmm.
Another party, Alice?
121
00:08:49,334 --> 00:08:52,587
It'll be fun. We'll have a
chalupa truck, a petting zoo...
122
00:08:52,587 --> 00:08:54,047
And we'll drink some blood.
123
00:08:54,047 --> 00:08:56,257
- What?
- Huh?
124
00:09:01,262 --> 00:09:03,305
Oh, look who's in town.
125
00:09:06,008 --> 00:09:07,509
There's no one there.
126
00:09:07,509 --> 00:09:10,554
Look again.
127
00:09:14,557 --> 00:09:16,935
Aw-ww, who are they?
128
00:09:18,936 --> 00:09:21,063
The little cullens.
129
00:09:21,063 --> 00:09:23,023
They're little versions of us.
130
00:09:23,023 --> 00:09:25,859
They swoop into towns
after we've left them behind
131
00:09:25,859 --> 00:09:28,904
and pick up all
the emotionally-wounded scraps.
132
00:09:35,618 --> 00:09:38,079
Don't look now, bell, but little
Edward is totally eyeing you.
133
00:09:46,313 --> 00:09:48,482
- Little Edward.
- Edward.
134
00:09:52,486 --> 00:09:54,738
We have a pact,
you little putz.
135
00:09:54,738 --> 00:09:57,157
You're not supposed to be
within 100 Miles of me.
136
00:09:57,157 --> 00:10:00,118
I'm well aware of that,
but I don't give a crap.
137
00:10:00,118 --> 00:10:01,786
I'm hot for Bella.
138
00:10:01,786 --> 00:10:05,247
She's one hot piece of ass.
139
00:10:05,247 --> 00:10:07,374
See?
140
00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:11,628
You're just jealous
'cause Bella wants me.
141
00:10:13,630 --> 00:10:15,799
- Little Jasper.
- Jasper.
142
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,635
You never answered
any of my calls.
143
00:10:20,636 --> 00:10:22,763
- I miss you.
- You were stalking me.
144
00:10:22,763 --> 00:10:26,809
- I miss your scent. I miss your forehead.
- I miss everything.
145
00:10:33,815 --> 00:10:36,151
Edward seemed a little uneasy
146
00:10:36,151 --> 00:10:37,944
about the arrival
of the little cullens.
147
00:10:37,944 --> 00:10:41,697
From what I was told, they always
seem to put him in a weird place.
148
00:10:41,697 --> 00:10:44,241
He just wasn't acting
like himself.
149
00:10:44,241 --> 00:10:47,161
It was making me nervous.
150
00:10:48,162 --> 00:10:52,249
But nothing outweighed
the disdain he had for Jacob.
151
00:11:08,222 --> 00:11:09,681
Don't let him touch you.
152
00:11:11,683 --> 00:11:13,894
I measured it off
at 6 3/4" this morning.
153
00:11:13,894 --> 00:11:15,854
- What?
- Huh?
154
00:11:15,854 --> 00:11:17,564
Where have you been?
155
00:11:17,564 --> 00:11:18,481
Hanging out at home.
156
00:11:19,482 --> 00:11:22,860
While you were hanging out at home,
the guys spotted your ginger.
157
00:11:23,861 --> 00:11:26,906
Victoria.
Alice's vision.
158
00:11:26,906 --> 00:11:29,491
- I was trying to protect you.
- By lying to me?
159
00:11:29,491 --> 00:11:31,660
See, that's what you get
with these vampires.
160
00:11:31,660 --> 00:11:33,662
With me, you get so much more.
161
00:11:33,662 --> 00:11:36,956
You get honesty and 8 3/4".
162
00:11:36,956 --> 00:11:39,626
I thought you said
you were 6 3/4".
163
00:11:39,626 --> 00:11:41,961
I lied.
164
00:11:43,963 --> 00:11:45,923
- I need to talk to him.
- I don't trust him.
165
00:11:45,923 --> 00:11:49,301
Don't worry.
He's a great driver.
166
00:11:56,108 --> 00:11:58,026
Okay.
167
00:11:58,026 --> 00:12:00,278
Lose the grin, Jake. We're
just going for a ride.
168
00:12:00,278 --> 00:12:02,697
Damn right we are.
Watch your leg.
169
00:12:03,698 --> 00:12:05,700
Oh!
Hold on.
170
00:12:05,700 --> 00:12:07,701
I got my pant leg caught.
Oh, there we go.
171
00:12:07,701 --> 00:12:09,411
- You ready now?
- Yeah, yeah.
172
00:12:09,411 --> 00:12:11,413
All right, here we go.
Ow!
173
00:12:11,413 --> 00:12:13,415
- You okay?
- Yeah, hop off, hop off.
174
00:12:16,418 --> 00:12:18,628
- Hey, can you help?
- Sorry.
175
00:12:18,628 --> 00:12:21,506
Ah, rats.
176
00:12:23,508 --> 00:12:26,552
I got the corn dog, so you're
good with this, right?
177
00:12:26,552 --> 00:12:29,722
I knew it.
How was school today?
178
00:12:30,723 --> 00:12:32,850
It hasn't started yet.
179
00:12:32,850 --> 00:12:35,727
Oh, mother of pearl,
this is heavy.
180
00:12:36,728 --> 00:12:38,521
Is this bike made of bricks?
181
00:12:38,563 --> 00:12:40,857
Light a fire under your ass.
Let's move!
182
00:12:40,857 --> 00:12:42,608
Okay.
183
00:12:42,608 --> 00:12:45,361
That first mile,
there were a lot of snakes.
184
00:12:45,361 --> 00:12:47,696
Like, I mean, an ungodly
amount of snakes.
185
00:12:47,738 --> 00:12:50,866
I can't believe that. Just leave
that there if you want to.
186
00:12:50,866 --> 00:12:52,701
Hey-- hey
hey hey hey.
187
00:12:52,743 --> 00:12:55,871
Are you all right?
188
00:12:55,871 --> 00:12:58,581
It's okay, she didn't mean it.
189
00:13:01,584 --> 00:13:03,753
Be back to take care
of you later.
190
00:13:06,756 --> 00:13:09,508
Hey, are you sure
it's cool that I'm here?
191
00:13:09,508 --> 00:13:11,593
I mean, I'm not a werewolf.
192
00:13:11,593 --> 00:13:14,763
You worry too much.
Of course.
193
00:13:14,763 --> 00:13:16,640
Ah, look who's back.
194
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:18,558
What up, bell?
195
00:13:18,558 --> 00:13:22,145
- Quiel, you too?
- Yup, finally made the pack.
196
00:13:23,146 --> 00:13:27,108
No thanks.
I'm good.
197
00:13:27,108 --> 00:13:29,735
Glad you're here, Bella.
Now we can finally get a break
198
00:13:29,735 --> 00:13:33,113
- from Jacob constantly humping the pool heater.
- Not to mention the mattress.
199
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:35,115
- Don't forget the fresh cantaloupe.
- Oh, yeah.
200
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:37,200
It's his way of imprinting.
201
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:41,496
What? It just feels
really good, okay?
202
00:13:41,496 --> 00:13:43,373
Yeah, it does, right?
203
00:13:54,383 --> 00:13:56,218
So, what's this whole
204
00:13:56,218 --> 00:13:58,136
"imprinting" thing?
205
00:13:58,136 --> 00:13:59,929
Imprinting.
206
00:14:00,930 --> 00:14:02,807
Uh...
207
00:14:04,809 --> 00:14:09,313
Imprinting is when you see her.
208
00:14:09,313 --> 00:14:10,606
And...
209
00:14:10,606 --> 00:14:13,442
Just everything changes.
210
00:14:13,483 --> 00:14:16,945
It's no longer gravity that's
keeping you on the planet.
211
00:14:16,945 --> 00:14:20,824
It's simply her.
212
00:14:20,824 --> 00:14:23,242
And nothing else matters.
213
00:14:26,245 --> 00:14:27,538
Sounds like
you know the feeling.
214
00:14:29,540 --> 00:14:31,500
Have you ever, um,
215
00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:34,169
imprinted on anyone?
216
00:14:34,169 --> 00:14:36,713
I imprinted on my face
first thing this morning.
217
00:14:38,715 --> 00:14:41,968
Now look at this little guy
we've got here.
218
00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:44,554
Jacob, Edward's going to
change me after graduation.
219
00:14:46,555 --> 00:14:48,724
What?
220
00:14:48,724 --> 00:14:51,351
- You knew this was coming.
- Not in a month or--
221
00:14:51,351 --> 00:14:53,020
before you even lived.
Or I had the chance
222
00:14:53,228 --> 00:14:55,564
to imprint over the great abs
you've got there.
223
00:14:55,564 --> 00:14:56,857
My God! Would you
look at the ass
224
00:14:57,232 --> 00:14:58,525
on that sweet bitch?!
225
00:14:58,525 --> 00:15:00,360
I would tear that shit up
in two seconds.
226
00:15:02,362 --> 00:15:04,322
Jacob, I know that this
hurts right now,
227
00:15:04,363 --> 00:15:07,950
but in time,
you'll forget about me.
228
00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:10,661
Jacob?
229
00:15:10,661 --> 00:15:12,871
- Jake!
- I've got a six-pack.
230
00:15:13,872 --> 00:15:16,500
I was just saying,
231
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:17,751
in time,
you'll forget about me.
232
00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:22,797
Bella...
233
00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:25,216
You really have no idea
234
00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:27,885
how much you mean to me.
235
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:34,599
Ah!
236
00:15:36,893 --> 00:15:39,270
Don't touch me.
237
00:15:39,270 --> 00:15:41,940
I just imprinted in my pants.
238
00:17:08,644 --> 00:17:09,812
Oh, Frank.
239
00:17:27,787 --> 00:17:31,040
You know, Edward could
at least respect meal times.
240
00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:33,625
- I was with Jake.
- Oh.
241
00:17:33,625 --> 00:17:36,545
Dad, what is on your face?
242
00:17:36,545 --> 00:17:38,338
What?
243
00:17:40,340 --> 00:17:42,967
Hey, Gary Coleman's cock.
244
00:17:43,009 --> 00:17:44,969
Hey.
245
00:17:44,969 --> 00:17:47,013
Do you understand
how worried I've been?
246
00:17:47,013 --> 00:17:49,056
I was perfectly safe.
247
00:17:49,056 --> 00:17:52,392
I almost broke the treaty and had
to cancel my blow-dry appoint--
248
00:17:55,854 --> 00:17:59,858
oh, God-- sorry, I know.
I smell like dog semen.
249
00:17:59,858 --> 00:18:02,902
No, something's wrong.
250
00:18:12,911 --> 00:18:15,831
Edward, what's wrong?
251
00:18:15,872 --> 00:18:17,540
Someone's been in here...
252
00:18:17,540 --> 00:18:19,584
And he hijacked
your "ebony thunder."
253
00:18:28,392 --> 00:18:31,353
- Who was it? Someone we know?
- Just a stranger.
254
00:18:31,353 --> 00:18:34,815
I didn't recognize his scent,
but it was intoxicating.
255
00:18:34,815 --> 00:18:36,650
A nomad just passing through?
256
00:18:36,692 --> 00:18:39,236
A passerby wouldn't have
left Bella's dad alive.
257
00:18:39,236 --> 00:18:40,945
I wouldn't have.
258
00:18:40,945 --> 00:18:44,449
The scent disappeared about five
Miles South of Bella's house.
259
00:18:44,449 --> 00:18:46,868
It was very pungent.
260
00:18:46,868 --> 00:18:48,452
I think he had
huevos rancheros.
261
00:18:54,458 --> 00:18:56,376
- Someone's orchestrating this.
- Victoria?
262
00:18:56,376 --> 00:18:57,878
I would have seen her decide.
263
00:18:57,878 --> 00:18:59,796
Has to be the volturi.
264
00:18:59,796 --> 00:19:01,881
I don't think
it's the volturi either.
265
00:19:01,881 --> 00:19:04,467
I've been watching
James' decisions too.
266
00:19:04,467 --> 00:19:07,345
So we keep looking.
267
00:19:07,345 --> 00:19:09,513
We'll all take shifts
watching Bella at her house.
268
00:19:09,555 --> 00:19:11,891
Another protection detail
for this little bitch?
269
00:19:11,891 --> 00:19:14,017
- Rosalie.
- No, she's-- she's totally right.
270
00:19:19,022 --> 00:19:22,609
You guys can't protect me, watch
my dad, follow the intruder,
271
00:19:22,609 --> 00:19:24,610
stock up on glitter,
and keep yourselves fed.
272
00:19:24,610 --> 00:19:26,279
I'm not gonna leave you
here unprotected.
273
00:19:26,279 --> 00:19:27,822
Well, I won't let you starve.
274
00:19:27,822 --> 00:19:29,990
And besides I won't
be unprotected.
275
00:19:29,990 --> 00:19:32,326
Jacob and the wolves can help.
276
00:19:32,326 --> 00:19:33,952
Abs!
277
00:19:34,953 --> 00:19:37,998
You know what I'm thinking?
278
00:19:38,999 --> 00:19:40,875
Oh, shit.
279
00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:43,545
We've missed the first five
minutes of "ace of cakes."
280
00:19:43,545 --> 00:19:46,255
- No!
- God damn it.
281
00:19:46,255 --> 00:19:49,633
- I do love that guy.
- No! Season finale!
282
00:19:53,637 --> 00:19:56,431
Sometimes I wish
I'd never moved to forks.
283
00:19:56,431 --> 00:19:59,351
I've caused so much drama, I would have
been better off staying in Arizona.
284
00:20:00,018 --> 00:20:01,561
But at the same time,
285
00:20:01,561 --> 00:20:04,314
i was kind of a loser
in Arizona.
286
00:20:04,314 --> 00:20:08,276
I ate lunch by myself,
stayed home on Saturday nights,
287
00:20:08,276 --> 00:20:10,486
went to the homecoming dance
with chao-lin,
288
00:20:10,486 --> 00:20:13,364
the blond Korean pool boy.
289
00:20:13,364 --> 00:20:16,074
You know, on second thought, I guess
I really should have moved here.
290
00:20:16,074 --> 00:20:18,285
This is the greatest thing
that has ever happened to me.
291
00:20:18,994 --> 00:20:21,287
Well, besides
dry-humping chao-lin.
292
00:20:21,287 --> 00:20:23,581
Is somebody eating
junior mints?
293
00:20:23,581 --> 00:20:26,000
I totally smell junior mints.
I love junior mints.
294
00:20:27,001 --> 00:20:29,462
Sometimes I'll eat like, 20 at
a time and then throw them up.
295
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:31,297
I'm bulimic and vegan.
296
00:20:31,297 --> 00:20:33,382
Oh shit. There's an in-n-out.
I gotta run.
297
00:20:37,386 --> 00:20:39,930
Well, whoever it was
forgot to flush the toilet.
298
00:20:39,930 --> 00:20:42,599
That thing was huge,
but we picked up his scent.
299
00:20:42,599 --> 00:20:44,809
It won't be hard to miss
next time we cross it.
300
00:20:44,809 --> 00:20:46,435
We can handle it from here.
301
00:20:46,435 --> 00:20:49,063
We don't need you to handle
anyone or anything.
302
00:20:49,063 --> 00:20:51,607
- I'll handle your balls.
- All right, we're done here.
303
00:20:51,607 --> 00:20:54,359
No, you're done here.
304
00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:56,987
Or maybe it's
just the beginning.
305
00:21:00,490 --> 00:21:01,950
Stop!
306
00:21:01,991 --> 00:21:05,620
Stop it. Stop!
307
00:21:05,620 --> 00:21:08,456
God, I am so tired of this.
308
00:21:08,456 --> 00:21:11,041
You know what, from now on,
I'm Switzerland, okay?
309
00:21:11,041 --> 00:21:13,627
By Switzerland,
you mean large vagina?
310
00:21:16,630 --> 00:21:18,882
Edward hated the idea.
311
00:21:18,882 --> 00:21:20,884
But it wasn't about
rivalry anymore.
312
00:21:20,884 --> 00:21:23,845
It was about my safety
and Charlie's...
313
00:21:23,845 --> 00:21:26,931
And the amazing package
the host had at c.P.K.
314
00:21:28,933 --> 00:21:30,935
In the days that followed,
I got them both
315
00:21:30,935 --> 00:21:32,353
to at least try
to work together.
316
00:21:34,354 --> 00:21:35,564
Hah...
317
00:21:36,732 --> 00:21:38,984
Damn you, Jacob the werewolf!
318
00:21:40,986 --> 00:21:44,781
It wasn't exactly an easy
alliance, but it worked.
319
00:21:44,781 --> 00:21:46,574
While Edward and his family
went out to hunt,
320
00:21:46,991 --> 00:21:49,910
I'd spend time with Jacob.
321
00:21:49,910 --> 00:21:51,912
Are you sure it's
okay that I'm here
322
00:21:51,912 --> 00:21:54,456
seeing as I'm a
vampire girl and all?
323
00:21:54,456 --> 00:21:57,918
Do I have perfectly
chiseled abs?
324
00:21:57,918 --> 00:22:00,378
Besides, the tribal council
has something special
325
00:22:00,378 --> 00:22:01,713
planned for you for tonight.
326
00:22:01,713 --> 00:22:03,631
Jake! Jake!
327
00:22:06,008 --> 00:22:10,679
The quileutes have always been a
small tribe from the beginning...
328
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:14,725
And we have always had
the magic in our blood.
329
00:22:15,726 --> 00:22:19,062
We were great spirit warriors,
shape shifters.
330
00:22:21,064 --> 00:22:24,567
We transformed
into powerful autobots
331
00:22:24,567 --> 00:22:27,695
that fought the Decepticons
332
00:22:27,737 --> 00:22:32,074
while our children
turned into smurfs
333
00:22:32,074 --> 00:22:35,077
and we formed an alliance
with captain crunch
334
00:22:35,077 --> 00:22:37,996
and fought the hamburglar.
335
00:22:39,998 --> 00:22:42,167
We were unstoppable...
336
00:22:42,167 --> 00:22:44,669
That is,
337
00:22:44,669 --> 00:22:46,087
until they showed up.
338
00:22:53,052 --> 00:22:55,971
Anyone in the mood
for a good salad tossing?
339
00:23:01,601 --> 00:23:05,188
Our warriors' sharp teeth
finally tore it apart.
340
00:23:05,188 --> 00:23:07,231
It tasted like chicken.
341
00:23:07,231 --> 00:23:09,108
We completely
killed it--
342
00:23:09,108 --> 00:23:11,694
the blockbuster franchise
343
00:23:11,694 --> 00:23:13,070
and the amusement ride.
344
00:23:15,072 --> 00:23:17,115
However, they lived in fear
345
00:23:17,115 --> 00:23:20,118
that the cold man
was not alone.
346
00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:25,665
And they were right.
347
00:23:25,665 --> 00:23:27,458
There was a herd
of them--
348
00:23:27,458 --> 00:23:29,085
all of them
different characters
349
00:23:29,126 --> 00:23:32,254
played the exact same way.
350
00:23:46,100 --> 00:23:48,936
Mmm. Smells like oak
with a hint of Berry.
351
00:23:50,938 --> 00:23:53,148
Oop. That's two
for flinching.
352
00:24:02,657 --> 00:24:04,284
Don't you know
you can't have tea
353
00:24:04,284 --> 00:24:06,994
without the tea bag?
354
00:24:06,994 --> 00:24:10,164
Here we go.
355
00:24:10,164 --> 00:24:12,708
And the cold ones went insane.
356
00:24:12,708 --> 00:24:16,044
They wiped out most of the tribe
before they could escape.
357
00:24:28,014 --> 00:24:32,142
Our eldest chief, Marc Epstein,
358
00:24:32,142 --> 00:24:36,688
was the only spirit warrior
left to save the tribe
359
00:24:36,688 --> 00:24:38,273
after his son was killed.
360
00:24:56,248 --> 00:25:00,752
Chief Epstein's second wife
saw that he would lose.
361
00:25:03,922 --> 00:25:06,174
The second wife was
no match for the being,
362
00:25:06,174 --> 00:25:09,802
with no special powers
but one--
363
00:25:10,803 --> 00:25:12,680
courage.
364
00:25:36,702 --> 00:25:37,994
The second wife's sacrifice
365
00:25:38,995 --> 00:25:41,790
distracted the cold ones
long enough
366
00:25:41,790 --> 00:25:45,209
for chief Epstein
to destroy it.
367
00:25:45,209 --> 00:25:47,920
She saved the tribe.
368
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:49,755
It was a mitzvah.
369
00:25:49,755 --> 00:25:53,842
Over time, our enemies
had disappeared.
370
00:25:54,843 --> 00:25:58,680
But one remains--
the cold ones.
371
00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:01,349
Our magic awakens
when they're near.
372
00:26:01,349 --> 00:26:03,726
We sense it now.
373
00:26:03,726 --> 00:26:06,646
We feel the threat
374
00:26:06,646 --> 00:26:10,065
in our blood, our loins,
our cornholes.
375
00:26:10,065 --> 00:26:11,734
Deep inside.
376
00:26:11,775 --> 00:26:13,360
Kind of vibrating,
377
00:26:13,360 --> 00:26:16,905
probing around, pure heaven.
378
00:26:19,908 --> 00:26:22,619
Something terrible is coming.
379
00:26:22,619 --> 00:26:24,287
We must be ready.
380
00:26:24,287 --> 00:26:26,330
Ready to break wind
if we have to,
381
00:26:26,330 --> 00:26:29,333
to get their attention
and defeat them.
382
00:26:38,300 --> 00:26:40,635
Excuse me a minute.
383
00:26:46,641 --> 00:26:49,643
Oh, he just sharted himself.
384
00:26:54,148 --> 00:26:56,859
This is a great
new art piece, guys.
385
00:26:56,859 --> 00:26:59,403
Oh, thanks, honey.
Actually, it's old.
386
00:26:59,403 --> 00:27:01,571
Rosalie found it
in the basement this morning
387
00:27:01,571 --> 00:27:03,490
and I just thought
it'd be fun to look at.
388
00:27:03,490 --> 00:27:06,701
Nice find, Rosalie.
389
00:27:06,701 --> 00:27:09,912
Yeah, the guy it was made after
was some African tribal leader.
390
00:27:09,912 --> 00:27:11,914
Mom used to date him.
As you can see,
391
00:27:11,914 --> 00:27:14,542
he was excessively endowed.
392
00:27:14,542 --> 00:27:17,169
Well, not as big
as your father, honey.
393
00:27:17,169 --> 00:27:19,463
Dad was just girthy, mom.
394
00:27:19,463 --> 00:27:22,883
He's not as long as nimbat...
395
00:27:22,883 --> 00:27:25,760
Oh, you see, Alice and I
used to share nimbat...
396
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:28,388
Actually,
mom stole him from me.
397
00:27:28,388 --> 00:27:30,682
Now, don't be angry because
you're too tight to do anal.
398
00:27:30,682 --> 00:27:32,683
Yeah, Alice, anal's cool.
399
00:27:32,683 --> 00:27:35,561
Wait. Shh shh.
I wanna hear this.
400
00:27:35,561 --> 00:27:37,646
Seattle is in a state of terror
401
00:27:37,646 --> 00:27:40,274
as police are baffled
by the escalating murders,
402
00:27:40,274 --> 00:27:43,819
disappearances, and how Brendan
Fraser keeps getting work...
403
00:27:43,860 --> 00:27:47,489
- Aghh-- Brendan Fraser!
- It's getting worse.
404
00:27:49,490 --> 00:27:50,825
We might have to do something.
405
00:27:50,825 --> 00:27:53,995
It takes more than one of our
kind to report damages like that.
406
00:27:53,995 --> 00:27:57,581
Quite a few more. They're
undisciplined, conspicuous,
407
00:27:57,581 --> 00:27:59,833
and they all sag their pants
a little bit.
408
00:27:59,833 --> 00:28:03,587
Newborns.
Aka "noobs."
409
00:28:03,587 --> 00:28:06,589
Oh, like a level two orc
in "warcraft."
410
00:28:06,589 --> 00:28:09,884
The first few months
after the change--
411
00:28:09,884 --> 00:28:12,678
right, that's when we're
at our most uncontrollable.
412
00:28:12,678 --> 00:28:14,597
We're vicious, bloodthirsty
413
00:28:14,597 --> 00:28:15,890
and we have this weird
ocd thing
414
00:28:15,890 --> 00:28:17,683
where we have to count
all the time.
415
00:28:17,683 --> 00:28:19,977
"One testy-testy,
ha ha ha.
416
00:28:19,977 --> 00:28:23,814
Two testy-testy,
ha ha ha.
417
00:28:23,814 --> 00:28:26,358
Three testy-testy,
ha ha ha."
418
00:28:26,358 --> 00:28:28,776
Nobody tell anyone
I have three testicles.
419
00:28:28,776 --> 00:28:30,611
It's something
to look forward to--
420
00:28:30,611 --> 00:28:33,739
the counting,
not the testicles.
421
00:28:33,739 --> 00:28:35,908
- Right.
- I'm gonna go check the mail out front.
422
00:28:35,908 --> 00:28:37,910
I just ordered
a new box of proactiv.
423
00:28:39,870 --> 00:28:41,913
Now these nooblets
are untrained,
424
00:28:41,913 --> 00:28:44,708
- but this isn't random.
- Someone's creating an army.
425
00:28:44,749 --> 00:28:46,251
A vampire army?
426
00:28:46,251 --> 00:28:48,336
No, the salvation army, bitch!
427
00:28:48,336 --> 00:28:51,756
Jesus Christ! What do you think
we've been talking about?
428
00:28:51,756 --> 00:28:53,966
You know, you really are an idiot.
I fucking hate you.
429
00:28:53,966 --> 00:28:56,051
We're the only clan
closest to Seattle.
430
00:28:56,051 --> 00:28:58,595
Regardless of why
they were created,
431
00:28:58,595 --> 00:29:00,722
if we don't do something about
them, the volturi will.
432
00:29:02,474 --> 00:29:04,726
I'm surprised they haven't
already done something.
433
00:29:07,729 --> 00:29:11,023
Jesus Christ!
Don't you ever die, bitch?!
434
00:29:11,023 --> 00:29:12,984
Ugh!
435
00:29:13,985 --> 00:29:15,486
What the hell
are you doing, Rosalie?
436
00:29:15,486 --> 00:29:18,072
I'm sorry. She's just
so effing annoying.
437
00:29:18,072 --> 00:29:20,407
Why don't you just talk it out
with her, for Christ's sakes?
438
00:29:23,577 --> 00:29:24,953
Are you okay, bell?
439
00:29:30,291 --> 00:29:32,543
Oh, thank goodness.
440
00:29:32,543 --> 00:29:34,545
Oh, shit.
441
00:29:34,545 --> 00:29:36,589
"Project runway" just started.
442
00:29:36,589 --> 00:29:38,382
We can watch it
on the big screen upstairs.
443
00:29:38,382 --> 00:29:42,427
Yeah. Come on, bell,
and stop being so pretentious.
444
00:29:46,431 --> 00:29:47,974
I don't know how
you do it, Carlisle.
445
00:29:47,974 --> 00:29:50,059
Do what?
446
00:29:50,059 --> 00:29:52,103
Work around
injured patients all day.
447
00:29:52,103 --> 00:29:53,729
How do you not get tempted?
448
00:29:53,729 --> 00:29:56,565
I've been doing this
for a long time, Bella.
449
00:29:56,565 --> 00:29:58,734
I've mastered
self-control.
450
00:29:58,734 --> 00:30:00,903
I wish all vampires
had such control.
451
00:30:03,905 --> 00:30:05,782
You know what I mean?
452
00:30:05,782 --> 00:30:08,993
I do. Is that Edward outside?
453
00:30:08,993 --> 00:30:11,120
Where?
454
00:30:13,122 --> 00:30:15,124
Oh, my bad.
455
00:30:15,124 --> 00:30:17,793
You might feel a little prick.
456
00:30:17,793 --> 00:30:20,337
Ow, what are you doing?
457
00:30:20,337 --> 00:30:22,339
Nothing. It's standard
for this kind of injury.
458
00:30:23,340 --> 00:30:24,758
Okay.
459
00:30:52,592 --> 00:30:53,593
Sorry.
460
00:30:54,594 --> 00:30:56,137
I was falling off the bed
461
00:30:56,137 --> 00:30:58,973
and I grabbed what I could
to break my fall.
462
00:30:58,973 --> 00:31:00,975
- What are you doing here?
- I need to talk to you.
463
00:31:01,058 --> 00:31:03,560
You mind giving
little Edward a hand?
464
00:31:07,564 --> 00:31:10,358
Ooh, ooh.
465
00:31:10,358 --> 00:31:13,570
You're so
incredibly hot, Bella.
466
00:31:13,570 --> 00:31:16,614
I don't know
what you see in Edward,
467
00:31:16,614 --> 00:31:18,741
but I'm prepared
to give you all of me.
468
00:31:18,741 --> 00:31:20,576
Let me show you.
469
00:31:20,576 --> 00:31:22,036
Oh, can you--
can we just not do that?
470
00:31:23,037 --> 00:31:25,163
Sorry.
Whew!
471
00:31:27,165 --> 00:31:30,752
Truthfully, I got
kicked out of my place.
472
00:31:30,752 --> 00:31:32,629
Can I stay with you
for a while?
473
00:31:32,629 --> 00:31:36,048
- I can't let you stay here.
- No, not here.
474
00:31:37,049 --> 00:31:39,760
Inside your cavernous vagina.
475
00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:42,304
Oh, yeah.
476
00:31:42,346 --> 00:31:43,639
- Oh, no. No!
- Ooh, yeah!
477
00:31:43,639 --> 00:31:46,308
- Dude, dude, dude. Wait wait wait.
- What are you doing?!
478
00:31:46,308 --> 00:31:48,518
Dude, dude, dude.
I'm so sorry, dude.
479
00:31:48,518 --> 00:31:51,396
I know I'm not supposed to be
here, but I can't help myself.
480
00:31:51,396 --> 00:31:54,065
I just can't stop thinking
about her constantly.
481
00:31:55,066 --> 00:31:58,486
Day and night.
482
00:31:58,527 --> 00:32:01,113
She's like my own
little personal heroin.
483
00:32:01,113 --> 00:32:05,325
I just want her
to touch it, touch it.
484
00:32:07,661 --> 00:32:10,330
Gyah!
485
00:32:10,372 --> 00:32:12,749
Tee shot!
Whoo-hoo!
486
00:32:13,750 --> 00:32:15,626
I'll hump you later, okay?
487
00:32:16,627 --> 00:32:18,713
Ugh...
488
00:32:20,714 --> 00:32:22,383
Oh yeah...
489
00:32:22,383 --> 00:32:24,051
Unh... oh yeah.
490
00:32:30,056 --> 00:32:31,808
Oh my God. Oh my God,
I left my mic on.
491
00:32:33,810 --> 00:32:35,770
It's so pretty here.
492
00:32:35,770 --> 00:32:38,814
Alice is throwing
this huge graduation party
493
00:32:38,814 --> 00:32:40,649
which, of course,
you're invited to.
494
00:32:40,649 --> 00:32:42,693
She's got some really
cool stuff planned.
495
00:32:42,693 --> 00:32:44,862
She's having, I guess,
something about Lindsay Lohan
496
00:32:44,862 --> 00:32:48,365
coming with some ping-pong
balls and a mule?
497
00:32:48,406 --> 00:32:50,742
Yeah.
I figured as much.
498
00:32:53,703 --> 00:32:56,873
What?
499
00:32:56,873 --> 00:32:58,708
I wanted to
do this differently.
500
00:32:58,708 --> 00:33:01,710
Smoother, but...
501
00:33:01,710 --> 00:33:03,879
But now I'm out of time.
502
00:33:06,882 --> 00:33:08,633
Time for what?
503
00:33:08,633 --> 00:33:10,552
You need to know
the truth, Bella.
504
00:33:10,552 --> 00:33:12,554
You have to understand
all your options.
505
00:33:12,554 --> 00:33:15,765
And right now,
you have to understand
506
00:33:15,765 --> 00:33:18,476
that I'm 12 3/4".
507
00:33:18,476 --> 00:33:20,311
Holy shit!
508
00:33:20,496 --> 00:33:21,573
Yeah, three times.
509
00:33:21,573 --> 00:33:23,700
This new cream that
I got is so incredible.
510
00:33:23,700 --> 00:33:25,952
It's gotten so big
and girthy now.
511
00:33:25,952 --> 00:33:27,745
Hmm...
512
00:33:27,745 --> 00:33:30,414
Bella, I want you to choose me
513
00:33:30,414 --> 00:33:32,041
over him.
514
00:33:32,041 --> 00:33:33,876
I thought you understood, Jake.
515
00:33:33,876 --> 00:33:35,502
I just don't feel
that way about you.
516
00:33:35,502 --> 00:33:39,047
Shh.
Shh shh shh.
517
00:33:39,047 --> 00:33:40,882
Listen.
518
00:33:40,924 --> 00:33:42,675
I know you feel
something for me.
519
00:33:42,675 --> 00:33:44,635
You just won't admit it.
520
00:33:47,638 --> 00:33:49,723
Now you won't have to change
521
00:33:49,765 --> 00:33:53,227
for anybody or say
goodbye to anyone.
522
00:33:54,228 --> 00:33:58,190
I can give you more
than he can.
523
00:34:00,043 --> 00:34:02,337
Really?
Watch it, a-hole.
524
00:34:02,337 --> 00:34:04,756
Hey, sorry, but I'm just wonderin'
how you guys are doing.
525
00:34:04,756 --> 00:34:07,300
We're doing fine! Do you
want to leave us alone here?
526
00:34:07,300 --> 00:34:09,761
Hey, come on. So are you
guys a couple or what?
527
00:34:09,761 --> 00:34:13,598
No! Trying to work on that!
God damn it.
528
00:34:13,598 --> 00:34:16,851
Come on, Jacob.
You guys look great together.
529
00:34:16,851 --> 00:34:19,812
Tell us what's going on. Someone just
said they spotted the two of you
530
00:34:19,812 --> 00:34:22,064
canoodling at boa's
the other night.
531
00:34:22,064 --> 00:34:23,523
Hey, give us the goods.
532
00:34:23,565 --> 00:34:27,235
So Jake, you all right
getting Eddie's cheese?
533
00:34:27,235 --> 00:34:29,612
Really, huh? You want to talk about cheese?
How about that?
534
00:34:31,715 --> 00:34:33,341
Hey.
535
00:34:36,344 --> 00:34:40,222
Oh my God. This house is amazing. I
just took the biggest dump upstairs.
536
00:34:58,698 --> 00:35:00,950
- What are you doing here?
- Someone told me something
537
00:35:00,950 --> 00:35:03,452
about an all-you-can-eat buffet
catered by red lobster.
538
00:35:05,454 --> 00:35:10,458
Congrats, Bella.
I made you a little something.
539
00:35:11,459 --> 00:35:15,254
That is so sweet.
Thanks, Jacob.
540
00:35:16,255 --> 00:35:18,758
Ooh, sorry.
541
00:35:18,758 --> 00:35:22,803
I mean-- ahem--
I have a six-pack.
542
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:41,487
So it is true.
543
00:35:43,489 --> 00:35:45,073
Ugh, I'll be right back.
544
00:35:50,078 --> 00:35:51,496
What did you see?
545
00:35:51,496 --> 00:35:54,499
The decision's been made.
546
00:35:54,499 --> 00:35:57,835
- What does that mean?
- Not going to Seattle.
547
00:35:57,835 --> 00:35:59,962
They're coming here.
548
00:35:59,962 --> 00:36:04,049
Ah-hh!
549
00:36:07,052 --> 00:36:08,970
Sorry.
Imprint.
550
00:36:11,973 --> 00:36:13,933
They'll be here in four days,
551
00:36:13,933 --> 00:36:16,060
but not before
stopping off at ihop
552
00:36:16,060 --> 00:36:17,395
for all-you-can-eat
pancakes.
553
00:36:17,395 --> 00:36:19,271
How do you know all this?
554
00:36:19,271 --> 00:36:21,440
I follow her tweets.
555
00:36:22,399 --> 00:36:24,443
"Just had the most amazing
dinner at the brewery.
556
00:36:24,443 --> 00:36:28,196
Can't wait for ihop all-you-can-eat
before killing Bella."
557
00:36:28,196 --> 00:36:30,573
- This could turn into a bloodbath.
- Who's behind it?
558
00:36:30,573 --> 00:36:32,117
I didn't see anyone
I recognized.
559
00:36:34,118 --> 00:36:36,245
- Maybe one.
- I know his face.
560
00:36:36,245 --> 00:36:39,498
Ronald steers. He just
friended me on Facebook.
561
00:36:39,498 --> 00:36:42,418
Look, bottom line is
there's an army coming here
562
00:36:42,418 --> 00:36:44,378
and there's not enough
of us to stop them.
563
00:36:44,378 --> 00:36:46,046
Wait. What--
what damn army?
564
00:36:46,046 --> 00:36:47,589
Come on, dude.
Noobs.
565
00:36:47,589 --> 00:36:49,174
Okay?
Our kind.
566
00:36:49,174 --> 00:36:52,218
They're coming
straight for Bella.
567
00:36:52,218 --> 00:36:53,928
They got her scratch-and-sniff
vagina scent
568
00:36:53,970 --> 00:36:55,555
from this
"ebony thunder" magazine.
569
00:36:55,555 --> 00:36:57,306
So what does that mean?
570
00:36:57,306 --> 00:36:59,308
It's like a really good
magazine-- 10 issues for $9.95.
571
00:36:59,308 --> 00:37:02,478
It means there'll be an
ugly fight with lives lost.
572
00:37:02,478 --> 00:37:05,063
But we'll probably get to wear
some really cool outfits. - Yes.
573
00:37:07,858 --> 00:37:08,608
All right.
We're in.
574
00:37:09,526 --> 00:37:12,487
No. You'll get yourselves
killed, no way.
575
00:37:12,487 --> 00:37:14,572
I wasn't asking permission.
576
00:37:14,572 --> 00:37:18,492
- Edward.
- It means more protection for you.
577
00:37:18,492 --> 00:37:20,244
We'll all need some training.
578
00:37:20,244 --> 00:37:23,163
Fighting noobs requires
knowledge that Jasper has.
579
00:37:23,163 --> 00:37:25,624
Ah, yes. Yes.
580
00:37:25,624 --> 00:37:27,125
You're welcome to join us.
581
00:37:27,125 --> 00:37:29,586
All right.
I like to do things.
582
00:37:29,586 --> 00:37:31,379
Name the time and the place.
583
00:37:31,379 --> 00:37:34,632
This is all happening...
584
00:37:34,632 --> 00:37:37,385
Because of me.
585
00:37:41,388 --> 00:37:43,474
I'm the center of it all!
586
00:37:43,474 --> 00:37:45,392
God, I'm the best!
587
00:37:45,392 --> 00:37:47,477
Ah! Whoo!
588
00:37:47,477 --> 00:37:50,522
Me, me, me, me--
589
00:37:56,527 --> 00:37:58,988
we had to prepare
for what was coming,
590
00:37:58,988 --> 00:38:01,657
which meant another h.P.V.
Inoculation
591
00:38:01,657 --> 00:38:03,492
and a 30-day supply
of tucks.
592
00:38:07,079 --> 00:38:09,581
Thank you.
Well, I studied.
593
00:38:09,581 --> 00:38:11,458
What is that?
594
00:38:11,458 --> 00:38:14,002
Oh, it's just a graduation
present from Jake.
595
00:38:14,002 --> 00:38:16,337
Don't worry.
I can't eat white cake.
596
00:38:16,337 --> 00:38:18,506
Gives me really bad gas.
597
00:38:18,506 --> 00:38:21,592
I mean, literally the minute I
eat it, I just start ripping.
598
00:38:21,592 --> 00:38:25,053
It smells really bad.
599
00:38:25,053 --> 00:38:27,347
Kind of like a coyote carcass
600
00:38:27,347 --> 00:38:29,099
that's been left on the side
of the road for nine months
601
00:38:29,099 --> 00:38:31,267
with a side of melted
gruyere cheese.
602
00:38:31,267 --> 00:38:34,312
Or kind of like
603
00:38:34,312 --> 00:38:36,147
an underground
turkish sewer system
604
00:38:36,147 --> 00:38:37,982
after a gay pride parade
in the month of July--
605
00:38:37,982 --> 00:38:40,693
or like I just ate
a llama's dump after--
606
00:38:40,693 --> 00:38:43,946
okay, I get it!
It stinks.
607
00:38:43,946 --> 00:38:46,156
- Yeah.
- Yeah, let's go.
608
00:39:01,170 --> 00:39:02,087
Sorry we're late, guys.
609
00:39:02,546 --> 00:39:04,506
Jacob got his dick stuck
in the pool heater again.
610
00:39:05,507 --> 00:39:08,093
Took us a while to get it out.
611
00:39:09,094 --> 00:39:11,346
What?
It felt really good.
612
00:39:11,346 --> 00:39:13,348
- Damn good.
- We know, man.
613
00:39:13,348 --> 00:39:14,390
- We know.
- It was fun.
614
00:39:14,390 --> 00:39:16,058
Anyways, welcome.
615
00:39:18,060 --> 00:39:20,438
Jasper has experience
with noobs.
616
00:39:20,438 --> 00:39:22,982
Hell yeah.
He'll teach us how to defeat them.
617
00:39:22,982 --> 00:39:27,319
Well, how are you vampires
different from those noobs?
618
00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:31,573
They wanna know how
we differ from the noobs.
619
00:39:31,573 --> 00:39:33,616
Ahh...
620
00:39:33,616 --> 00:39:36,244
They're a lot more
powerful than we are.
621
00:39:36,244 --> 00:39:40,122
Not only do they have
human tissue in their blood,
622
00:39:40,122 --> 00:39:43,709
- they all juice up.
- Like on steroids?
623
00:39:43,709 --> 00:39:45,502
No, like minute-maid, moron!
624
00:39:46,503 --> 00:39:48,505
Carlisle! Can we
please just kill her
625
00:39:49,506 --> 00:39:52,675
so we can live the rest of
our lives in peace? Please.
626
00:39:52,675 --> 00:39:56,220
Unfortunately for our kind, the
first few months of this life
627
00:39:56,220 --> 00:39:58,389
are our most powerful.
628
00:39:59,390 --> 00:40:01,725
Let me show you some
of their recent activities.
629
00:40:06,730 --> 00:40:08,690
This should be good.
630
00:40:12,694 --> 00:40:13,736
I hate these.
631
00:40:17,281 --> 00:40:18,783
It's worth seeing, guys.
632
00:40:20,784 --> 00:40:22,620
Sorry.
633
00:40:25,622 --> 00:40:28,041
Is that a "b" or "p"?
634
00:40:28,041 --> 00:40:30,627
- It's a "p".
- It's a "p", honey.
635
00:40:30,627 --> 00:40:32,504
I think "b".
636
00:40:33,504 --> 00:40:35,590
It was a "p".
637
00:40:35,590 --> 00:40:38,384
Fuck!
638
00:40:43,389 --> 00:40:44,681
Sorry.
639
00:40:44,681 --> 00:40:46,767
Anyway,
640
00:40:46,767 --> 00:40:49,269
Jasper's gonna teach us
how to fight these monsters.
641
00:40:49,269 --> 00:40:51,312
- Jasper?
- Thank you, Carlisle.
642
00:40:51,312 --> 00:40:53,773
Ladies and gentlemen,
the two most important things
643
00:40:53,773 --> 00:40:55,650
about taking down noobs
are as follows--
644
00:40:55,650 --> 00:40:58,402
number one, do not let them
come at you from behind.
645
00:40:58,402 --> 00:41:00,738
Keep your assholes tight.
646
00:41:00,738 --> 00:41:04,783
They will get in, they will slip
in like my Uncle Chris slipped in!
647
00:41:04,783 --> 00:41:07,494
Number two, do not let them
fondle your nuts!
648
00:41:07,494 --> 00:41:10,288
They love nuts. It's one of
their top three favorite foods
649
00:41:10,288 --> 00:41:12,123
that are also body parts.
650
00:41:12,123 --> 00:41:15,126
They love them.
I've seen it. Okay?
651
00:41:15,126 --> 00:41:18,421
Rosalie.
Don't hold back.
652
00:41:18,421 --> 00:41:20,297
Never.
653
00:41:23,342 --> 00:41:24,843
Don't be blonde.
654
00:41:24,843 --> 00:41:27,012
That was rule number zero. I
just didn't say it. Alice!
655
00:41:33,685 --> 00:41:36,104
I love you so much!
656
00:41:38,105 --> 00:41:40,816
Jasper.
Lick dog ass!
657
00:41:41,817 --> 00:41:45,195
Who's next?!
Who's next?!
658
00:41:45,195 --> 00:41:47,823
- Oh crap. Just go.
- Just run. Run.
659
00:41:47,823 --> 00:41:50,075
Mighty Joe young
660
00:41:50,075 --> 00:41:53,536
ain't got nothing on me!
661
00:42:00,543 --> 00:42:02,711
Whoever said that silk
tastes like regular milk
662
00:42:02,711 --> 00:42:04,713
is completely full of shit.
663
00:42:04,713 --> 00:42:07,716
Screw this diet.
Jesus.
664
00:42:07,716 --> 00:42:09,884
So what's the plan here,
paleface?
665
00:42:09,884 --> 00:42:12,512
Well, this field will be
an advantage in battle.
666
00:42:13,513 --> 00:42:15,890
We need to lure the noobs
here with Bella's scent.
667
00:42:15,890 --> 00:42:16,641
This will end here.
668
00:42:17,516 --> 00:42:20,227
Edward and I are going
to a campsite on Saturday.
669
00:42:20,227 --> 00:42:22,813
But even if he carries me,
they'll still pick up my scent.
670
00:42:22,813 --> 00:42:26,233
Your scent, however,
is revolting.
671
00:42:26,233 --> 00:42:27,651
What's that supposed to mean?
672
00:42:27,651 --> 00:42:29,778
Ooh.
673
00:42:29,778 --> 00:42:32,822
Oh, it's a good one.
Sharp!
674
00:42:32,822 --> 00:42:35,241
Well, maybe-- maybe
just a test sample.
675
00:42:35,241 --> 00:42:38,369
Okay. What Edward means
is that if you carry me,
676
00:42:38,369 --> 00:42:40,412
your scent will mask mine.
677
00:42:41,413 --> 00:42:43,248
So let's do a test run
for Saturday.
678
00:42:43,248 --> 00:42:44,500
All right.
Let's do this.
679
00:42:45,500 --> 00:42:47,544
Three--
680
00:42:47,544 --> 00:42:49,254
--two, one.
681
00:42:49,254 --> 00:42:50,588
Okay, sorry.
Sorry.
682
00:42:50,588 --> 00:42:52,423
Oh!
683
00:42:52,423 --> 00:42:55,176
- Um...
- We'll get there.
684
00:42:55,176 --> 00:42:57,762
We'll get there.
685
00:42:57,762 --> 00:42:59,805
Even though it was
Edward's idea,
686
00:42:59,805 --> 00:43:03,142
he really wasn't a fan of me
spending time with Jacob.
687
00:43:03,142 --> 00:43:04,810
I'd just wish
he'd finally understand
688
00:43:04,810 --> 00:43:07,270
that my feelings for him
are way stronger
689
00:43:07,270 --> 00:43:09,314
than my feelings for Jacob.
690
00:43:09,314 --> 00:43:12,275
Well, except when Jacob
sweats between his breasts.
691
00:43:12,275 --> 00:43:14,527
I enjoy that.
They're fun.
692
00:43:14,527 --> 00:43:16,737
I call them my fun bags.
693
00:43:21,742 --> 00:43:23,577
Hey.
You want a sandwich?
694
00:43:23,577 --> 00:43:24,828
No, I'm good.
695
00:43:27,831 --> 00:43:30,166
Dad, I was wondering.
696
00:43:30,166 --> 00:43:31,126
Hmm?
697
00:43:31,126 --> 00:43:34,170
Why didn't you ever
get married after mom?
698
00:43:37,173 --> 00:43:38,799
Well, uh...
699
00:43:38,799 --> 00:43:40,801
Actually I almost did,
sweetheart.
700
00:43:40,801 --> 00:43:42,761
Really?
701
00:43:42,761 --> 00:43:44,680
Yeah.
702
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:46,640
Yeah.
His name was Frank.
703
00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:49,851
He had the hottest eight-pack
I'd ever seen in my life.
704
00:43:49,851 --> 00:43:51,936
He loved tennis
as much as I did.
705
00:43:51,936 --> 00:43:53,897
On the weekend,
we go to palm Springs
706
00:43:53,897 --> 00:43:57,441
and get one of those rooms
with two queens for $69.69.
707
00:43:57,441 --> 00:44:02,821
We'd go antiquing,
take the skytram, ass hump.
708
00:44:02,821 --> 00:44:04,990
Oh gross, dad.
709
00:44:04,990 --> 00:44:07,200
Why don't you just tell me
some more about the skytram?
710
00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:09,286
Of course, I'm sorry.
711
00:44:09,286 --> 00:44:11,955
Skytram is when I get nude
and stand on the bed
712
00:44:11,955 --> 00:44:13,998
and he lies on the floor
and jerks off.
713
00:44:13,998 --> 00:44:15,792
If he shoots a load
up in the air
714
00:44:15,792 --> 00:44:17,585
and I catch it in my mouth,
715
00:44:17,585 --> 00:44:19,837
we both yell out
"skytram!"
716
00:44:21,297 --> 00:44:25,342
Oh, wow, that's really gross.
717
00:44:25,342 --> 00:44:27,344
I should have just asked
you about antiquing.
718
00:44:27,344 --> 00:44:29,679
Oh. Well, that's
when you skytram
719
00:44:29,679 --> 00:44:32,974
with an 85-year-old man.
720
00:44:32,974 --> 00:44:34,976
Okay, dad, can I just
ask you something, please?
721
00:44:34,976 --> 00:44:37,645
Anything.
722
00:44:37,645 --> 00:44:40,898
- Do you believe in marriage?
- Of course. Why?
723
00:44:44,902 --> 00:44:49,406
Is there something
you want to tell me?
724
00:44:49,406 --> 00:44:51,241
Were you not careful, Bella?
725
00:44:51,241 --> 00:44:52,826
What?
726
00:44:52,826 --> 00:44:54,827
Look, there are things
you need to know
727
00:44:54,827 --> 00:44:57,496
before you become
physically intimate.
728
00:44:58,497 --> 00:45:01,709
Okay, dad. Mom already had
this talk with me so--
729
00:45:01,709 --> 00:45:03,544
uh-hmm.
Look, sweetheart.
730
00:45:03,544 --> 00:45:07,297
This isn't a game. You need to
know what sex is all about.
731
00:45:12,302 --> 00:45:15,888
Now a man has a penis
732
00:45:15,888 --> 00:45:17,390
and a woman...
733
00:45:17,390 --> 00:45:18,933
Has a vagina.
734
00:45:18,933 --> 00:45:21,268
Some women have
very big vaginas.
735
00:45:21,268 --> 00:45:22,895
- Dad!
- Too technical? Okay.
736
00:45:27,899 --> 00:45:30,777
Now once insertion is achieved,
737
00:45:30,777 --> 00:45:33,905
the man and woman
begin humping each other.
738
00:45:33,905 --> 00:45:35,782
Could you guys
demonstrate, please?
739
00:45:38,326 --> 00:45:42,037
Dad! Edward is not
interested in sex.
740
00:45:42,037 --> 00:45:44,998
- Get out of here.
- No, he's not. I'm serious.
741
00:45:44,998 --> 00:45:48,001
No, I mean it. Get out of here. You're wasting
my time then. I've got business to do.
742
00:45:48,001 --> 00:45:50,337
Go.
743
00:45:50,337 --> 00:45:53,047
I'm sorry. My daughter
has a huge vagina.
744
00:45:53,047 --> 00:45:55,049
Like, gaping.
745
00:45:55,049 --> 00:45:56,717
Hey, anybody up
for a little antiquing?
746
00:45:59,720 --> 00:46:02,765
You guys up? Have you
heard of skytramming?
747
00:46:06,768 --> 00:46:08,520
I can't believe
we have the whole house
748
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:10,939
- to ourselves for the night.
- Pretty cool.
749
00:46:10,939 --> 00:46:12,732
There's a bed?
750
00:46:12,732 --> 00:46:14,609
Thought you might
need one to sleep in.
751
00:46:16,611 --> 00:46:18,654
Okay, I wanna
ask you something.
752
00:46:18,654 --> 00:46:21,115
Anything.
753
00:46:21,115 --> 00:46:24,660
Marriage is the condition for you
to change me yourself, right?
754
00:46:28,663 --> 00:46:30,623
- Yes.
- Okay.
755
00:46:30,623 --> 00:46:33,001
I wanna negotiate
my own condition.
756
00:46:33,001 --> 00:46:36,087
Anything you want, it's yours.
757
00:46:36,087 --> 00:46:37,380
You promise?
758
00:46:37,380 --> 00:46:39,632
Yes.
759
00:46:40,633 --> 00:46:43,010
- Put this on.
- What?
760
00:46:43,010 --> 00:46:45,137
- Please?
- Why?
761
00:46:45,137 --> 00:46:46,972
Thought it might be fun.
762
00:46:48,974 --> 00:46:50,016
For you, anything.
763
00:46:50,016 --> 00:46:53,102
Okay. This too.
764
00:46:53,102 --> 00:46:54,062
Uh...
765
00:47:00,067 --> 00:47:01,902
How's this?
766
00:47:01,902 --> 00:47:03,612
Oh, it's perfect.
767
00:47:03,612 --> 00:47:06,073
Okay, um,
now call me your bitch.
768
00:47:06,073 --> 00:47:08,742
What? I can't--
769
00:47:08,742 --> 00:47:11,453
oh, oh, okay. Uh, how about ho?
Can you say ho?
770
00:47:11,453 --> 00:47:14,080
No, that's not
how I was raised--
771
00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:17,083
oh-hh!
772
00:47:17,083 --> 00:47:19,585
You're my motherfucking bitch!
773
00:47:19,585 --> 00:47:20,586
Ooh!
You're my goddamn ho!
774
00:47:21,503 --> 00:47:25,382
Oh yeah. Okay, now talk
about my milky-white ass.
775
00:47:25,382 --> 00:47:26,842
I love your
milky-white ass.
776
00:47:26,842 --> 00:47:29,010
Oh, yes, that is so good.
777
00:47:29,010 --> 00:47:31,054
Oh, give me your
chocolate pole, lebron.
778
00:47:31,054 --> 00:47:34,098
Okay okay okay, stop.
I-- I can't do this.
779
00:47:34,098 --> 00:47:37,018
What? It's just
a little roleplay.
780
00:47:37,018 --> 00:47:38,853
- I'm out, I'm out.
- It's just for f--
781
00:47:38,853 --> 00:47:41,063
okay, I'm sorry.
782
00:47:41,063 --> 00:47:44,399
Let's just be us--
783
00:47:44,399 --> 00:47:46,526
you and me?
784
00:47:48,528 --> 00:47:51,072
You're the hottest thing
around here anyway.
785
00:48:00,039 --> 00:48:02,875
♪ One day ♪
786
00:48:02,875 --> 00:48:05,502
♪ no more pain-- ♪
787
00:48:05,502 --> 00:48:07,671
Oh oh, whoa. Okay, what--
what-- what are you doing?
788
00:48:07,671 --> 00:48:11,049
Oh, just go with it, Edward. I'm
gonna make you feel so good.
789
00:48:12,050 --> 00:48:14,218
♪ One day, no more-- ♪
790
00:48:15,845 --> 00:48:19,223
Oh, ow! Whoa, okay. I-- I
can't let you do that.
791
00:48:19,223 --> 00:48:21,475
Bella, Bella, Bella,
I'm not ready.
792
00:48:23,477 --> 00:48:26,063
Aren't you
attracted to me, Edward?
793
00:48:26,063 --> 00:48:30,108
I mean, we can
work through this.
794
00:48:30,108 --> 00:48:33,736
I can get liposuction
or I can breast implants,
795
00:48:33,736 --> 00:48:35,780
or shave my roast beef.
796
00:48:35,780 --> 00:48:37,782
I mean, whatever you want.
797
00:48:37,782 --> 00:48:41,118
No, bell-- I'm attracted
to you, Bella.
798
00:48:41,118 --> 00:48:43,746
It's just I--
799
00:48:45,747 --> 00:48:48,583
do you have the most enhanced
breasts in the world?
800
00:48:48,583 --> 00:48:50,585
- Does that help?
- Nope.
801
00:48:56,591 --> 00:48:58,759
Please direct your
attention to stage seven
802
00:48:58,759 --> 00:49:01,554
and let's give a big
body shop welcome
803
00:49:01,554 --> 00:49:03,180
to Bella.
804
00:49:11,813 --> 00:49:14,774
Try stuffing this
in your fire crotch.
805
00:49:14,774 --> 00:49:16,776
Thanks, mister.
806
00:49:21,780 --> 00:49:23,866
Really?
807
00:49:23,866 --> 00:49:24,700
Here.
808
00:49:26,702 --> 00:49:28,537
Drink that.
809
00:49:36,544 --> 00:49:38,504
- Nothing.
- God damn it!
810
00:49:38,504 --> 00:49:40,589
What the hell
is wrong with you?
811
00:49:40,589 --> 00:49:42,966
Any guy would give his left nut
812
00:49:42,966 --> 00:49:44,968
to be nailing me right now.
813
00:49:44,968 --> 00:49:47,262
Nailing me fucking hard!
814
00:49:48,263 --> 00:49:50,765
You know what?
Screw yourself.
815
00:49:52,767 --> 00:49:56,020
Thanks a lot, fuck-snort.
I lost my wood.
816
00:50:06,588 --> 00:50:08,507
You're not coming with us?
817
00:50:08,507 --> 00:50:11,218
It'll be a last-minute decision.
818
00:50:11,218 --> 00:50:13,470
I told you how it works.
819
00:50:15,472 --> 00:50:18,141
The cullens have powers.
820
00:50:18,141 --> 00:50:20,893
Don't underestimate them,
Ronald.
821
00:50:20,893 --> 00:50:24,271
You'll have the numbers,
822
00:50:24,271 --> 00:50:28,817
but they'll be able to
anticipate your every move.
823
00:50:28,817 --> 00:50:31,361
According to your friend.
824
00:50:31,361 --> 00:50:35,490
Yes.
My dead friend--
825
00:50:36,449 --> 00:50:38,493
Gary Coleman.
826
00:50:38,493 --> 00:50:40,745
He found out about the
things they could do,
827
00:50:40,745 --> 00:50:42,622
so they killed him.
828
00:50:42,622 --> 00:50:46,208
But not before
he told me about--
829
00:50:46,208 --> 00:50:50,170
hey, looks like you two
have become quite the couple.
830
00:50:50,170 --> 00:50:51,463
- Fuck.
- What?
831
00:50:51,463 --> 00:50:53,924
No, seriously. You guys are
like a vampire version
832
00:50:53,924 --> 00:50:55,759
of Bonnie and Clyde.
It's so cool.
833
00:50:55,759 --> 00:50:57,343
All right.
Do-- do you mind?
834
00:50:57,343 --> 00:50:59,804
No, I get it.
You want your privacy.
835
00:50:59,804 --> 00:51:01,556
But tell me, is the sex better
836
00:51:01,556 --> 00:51:04,350
as a vampire or as a human?
837
00:51:06,310 --> 00:51:08,979
Oh, come on, Ronny.
Don't be shy, man.
838
00:51:08,979 --> 00:51:11,523
Come on, what's the deal?
Is she not giving it up?
839
00:51:11,523 --> 00:51:14,317
- Would you-- no comment.
- Come on.
840
00:51:14,317 --> 00:51:16,945
Oh, shit. She's not
giving it up, is she?
841
00:51:16,945 --> 00:51:18,988
You're a vampire virgin.
842
00:51:18,988 --> 00:51:21,199
Aww, little Ronny's
a vampire virgin!
843
00:51:21,199 --> 00:51:22,867
All right, stop it!
844
00:51:24,869 --> 00:51:27,329
We mess around, okay?
845
00:51:27,329 --> 00:51:29,331
We do everything but.
846
00:51:29,331 --> 00:51:31,958
You know, we just dry humped
like half an hour ago.
847
00:51:31,958 --> 00:51:35,295
Whoa.
Dry humping. Wow.
848
00:51:35,295 --> 00:51:37,589
That's some real
Jonas brothers shit, right?
849
00:51:37,589 --> 00:51:38,798
- Get off me!
- What?
850
00:51:38,798 --> 00:51:40,842
Why don't you give each other
promise rings
851
00:51:40,842 --> 00:51:42,677
and jerk each other off?
852
00:51:42,677 --> 00:51:44,386
I didn't do anything.
You are on thin ice.
853
00:51:44,386 --> 00:51:45,971
- Victoria.
- No.
854
00:52:14,289 --> 00:52:17,250
Don't you think you're
going a little overboard?
855
00:52:17,250 --> 00:52:18,918
If this is all I have to
contribute, I want to be thorough.
856
00:52:18,918 --> 00:52:21,712
- Thorough about what?
- Hey, Jacob.
857
00:52:21,712 --> 00:52:23,881
Alice says there's a storm
coming through tonight.
858
00:52:23,881 --> 00:52:27,384
Yeah yeah.
I can feel it.
859
00:52:27,384 --> 00:52:29,761
I definitely have maximum
shrinkage going on.
860
00:52:29,761 --> 00:52:32,055
Oh, this needs ketchup.
Ooh.
861
00:52:35,058 --> 00:52:36,935
Chipotle.
862
00:52:36,935 --> 00:52:40,021
I'll meet you up there
in a couple hours.
863
00:52:41,022 --> 00:52:43,733
- Ready to go, milady?
- Yeah, yes.
864
00:52:43,733 --> 00:52:45,776
All right, you know what to do.
865
00:52:45,776 --> 00:52:47,736
Got it.
866
00:52:47,736 --> 00:52:49,530
And now-- oh my God!
867
00:52:49,530 --> 00:52:52,532
- Did you gain weight?
- Did you lose muscle?
868
00:52:52,532 --> 00:52:54,659
I'm protecting you.
Ready?
869
00:52:54,659 --> 00:52:57,537
Ahh! That's one.
870
00:52:57,537 --> 00:52:59,747
Yeah, they're not gonna
follow me after that.
871
00:53:00,790 --> 00:53:03,376
Ooh, Jesus, is that
really necessary?
872
00:53:03,376 --> 00:53:04,543
You wanna be safe, don't you?
873
00:53:14,469 --> 00:53:18,473
Um, Ronald? I'm not too
strong of a swimmer.
874
00:53:20,475 --> 00:53:22,018
Neither am I.
875
00:53:22,018 --> 00:53:25,521
I was taking lessons at the y
and my teacher got gonorrhea.
876
00:53:25,521 --> 00:53:27,106
She had to move back to Kansas.
877
00:53:27,106 --> 00:53:30,317
I don't know how to swim,
and I have a vagina.
878
00:53:31,985 --> 00:53:35,905
Enough!
We will figure it out.
879
00:53:35,905 --> 00:53:37,115
Such babies.
880
00:53:43,120 --> 00:53:45,581
Oh Christ, so sorry!
881
00:53:45,581 --> 00:53:48,459
Oh my God!
882
00:53:48,459 --> 00:53:49,960
No worries.
883
00:53:54,464 --> 00:53:56,883
You're gonna really wanna
hurry up there, sweet tits.
884
00:53:56,883 --> 00:53:58,259
Those vampires
are hot on your ass.
885
00:54:10,604 --> 00:54:12,105
Oh, we're almost there.
Awesome.
886
00:54:23,115 --> 00:54:26,827
- Almost got it.
- God, this is hard.
887
00:54:26,827 --> 00:54:29,621
Oh my God.
888
00:54:29,621 --> 00:54:31,456
Let me know when you want
me to jump off, girl.
889
00:54:32,040 --> 00:54:34,834
We're almost there.
890
00:54:34,834 --> 00:54:37,086
Whew.
That burn.
891
00:54:39,088 --> 00:54:42,133
- Okay.
- All right.
892
00:54:51,141 --> 00:54:53,143
- Thank you.
- It was no problem.
893
00:54:53,143 --> 00:54:55,145
We ran into a small
stumbling block
894
00:54:55,145 --> 00:54:58,106
a few Miles down,
but we made it through.
895
00:54:58,106 --> 00:55:00,108
You should probably head
back before the storm hits.
896
00:55:00,108 --> 00:55:03,069
Nah, I'm good.
897
00:55:03,069 --> 00:55:05,654
I think I'm gonna
camp out here tonight.
898
00:55:05,654 --> 00:55:07,614
Besides, I have a dove bar.
899
00:55:07,614 --> 00:55:09,116
Why are you staying here?
900
00:55:09,116 --> 00:55:10,951
'Cause I like to watch.
901
00:55:11,952 --> 00:55:14,746
Let's get you inside the tent.
902
00:55:24,630 --> 00:55:26,799
I'm sorry, sweetie,
903
00:55:26,799 --> 00:55:28,884
I wish there was
something I could do.
904
00:55:28,884 --> 00:55:31,011
It's okay, I'm fine.
905
00:55:33,847 --> 00:55:37,183
Guys, we've got a problem.
906
00:55:37,183 --> 00:55:39,102
Did anybody bring hot sauce?
907
00:55:39,102 --> 00:55:42,188
'Cause this burrito is dry--
whoa, Bella, are you all right?
908
00:55:42,188 --> 00:55:44,899
We're all right, Jacob.
Just leave us alone.
909
00:55:44,899 --> 00:55:47,109
- She doesn't look fine.
- Leave us alone, man.
910
00:55:47,109 --> 00:55:50,112
Hey, this isn't about
you and me, Edward.
911
00:55:50,112 --> 00:55:52,239
This is about Bella.
912
00:55:53,240 --> 00:55:55,075
Come to terms with it, man.
913
00:55:55,075 --> 00:55:56,159
I'm just hotter than you.
914
00:56:06,168 --> 00:56:08,545
You serious?
915
00:56:08,545 --> 00:56:10,172
Keep it clean.
916
00:56:10,172 --> 00:56:11,882
Hey, you got it.
917
00:56:11,882 --> 00:56:14,926
Keep it clean.
918
00:56:14,926 --> 00:56:17,136
Oh yeah.
Really really clean.
919
00:56:21,098 --> 00:56:23,184
I gotta say, Jacob--
I mean,
920
00:56:23,184 --> 00:56:26,687
if the situation
wasn't what it is...
921
00:56:28,689 --> 00:56:30,691
I think we'd probably
be friends.
922
00:56:32,692 --> 00:56:36,988
I know it's weird, but I...
923
00:56:38,948 --> 00:56:41,075
...I think
you're a good guy.
924
00:56:41,075 --> 00:56:44,120
Good, good-- a nice guy.
925
00:56:44,120 --> 00:56:47,956
I-- I mean,
uh, I think...
926
00:56:48,957 --> 00:56:50,917
Your intentions seem to be
in the right place.
927
00:56:50,917 --> 00:56:53,253
It's-- damn it,
man, I mean...
928
00:56:55,255 --> 00:56:57,048
Is it our fault
that our ancestors
929
00:56:57,048 --> 00:56:58,299
have been feuding
for centuries?
930
00:56:59,008 --> 00:57:00,927
Pile-drive me!
931
00:57:00,927 --> 00:57:03,971
- I like you Jacob and...
- I need energy.
932
00:57:03,971 --> 00:57:08,100
- ...I'd like to start over with you.
- Oh God!
933
00:57:08,100 --> 00:57:10,602
Maybe catch a movie,
grab a coffee.
934
00:57:10,602 --> 00:57:14,189
- Road trip to Vegas?
- Ah!
935
00:57:14,189 --> 00:57:15,732
It's crazy.
936
00:57:15,732 --> 00:57:18,151
Vampire, wolf boy,
hanging out, right?
937
00:57:18,151 --> 00:57:21,153
No, I know. I know, right?
But think about it.
938
00:57:21,153 --> 00:57:22,446
Oh my God!
Oh my God!
939
00:57:22,446 --> 00:57:26,158
We could change things for our
kind for future generations.
940
00:57:26,158 --> 00:57:27,534
Oh Buddha.
941
00:57:27,534 --> 00:57:29,870
Fucking-a, man,
we can make a difference.
942
00:57:31,288 --> 00:57:34,916
What do you say?
Wanna go to palm Springs?
943
00:57:47,628 --> 00:57:49,630
Did you have
a good night's sleep?
944
00:57:49,630 --> 00:57:51,673
Yeah, it was good.
945
00:57:51,673 --> 00:57:55,427
I gotta say,
Jacob's not half bad.
946
00:57:55,427 --> 00:57:58,013
I mean, he's a real,
947
00:57:58,013 --> 00:58:00,890
genuine, trustworthy gentleman.
948
00:58:00,890 --> 00:58:03,559
It's hard to find that
in someone these days.
949
00:58:03,559 --> 00:58:05,311
I told you.
950
00:58:18,281 --> 00:58:19,991
Nah.
951
00:58:36,006 --> 00:58:38,800
Oh my God,
these woods are amazing.
952
00:58:38,800 --> 00:58:41,761
I just took the biggest dump
next to poison sumac!
953
00:58:42,762 --> 00:58:45,097
O.M.G.!
954
00:58:47,099 --> 00:58:49,685
We've been totally
looking for you guys.
955
00:58:49,685 --> 00:58:52,104
Hello, Laverne, Shirley.
956
00:58:52,104 --> 00:58:54,564
We called you guys
like, a million times.
957
00:58:54,564 --> 00:58:56,942
We posted, like, a gazillion
messages on your wall.
958
00:58:56,942 --> 00:58:59,694
We sexted nude pictures
to Jasper like, every day.
959
00:58:59,694 --> 00:59:01,029
I did not put that picture
960
00:59:01,029 --> 00:59:03,531
as my desktop profile
picture. I did not.
961
00:59:03,531 --> 00:59:06,033
Listen, ladies, we're a
little busy right now.
962
00:59:06,033 --> 00:59:09,536
Of course, blow us off again, Carlisle.
We're used to it.
963
00:59:10,537 --> 00:59:12,789
You seemed to have
plenty of time for us
964
00:59:12,789 --> 00:59:14,708
during the last exam
of our vaginas.
965
00:59:16,710 --> 00:59:18,795
Okay, girls, honestly.
966
00:59:18,795 --> 00:59:20,964
We're about to go
into battle here.
967
00:59:20,964 --> 00:59:22,673
Look, cut the bullshit.
968
00:59:22,673 --> 00:59:25,801
Are you adopting us or not?
969
00:59:25,801 --> 00:59:27,511
Unfortunately, no.
970
00:59:27,511 --> 00:59:30,806
Well, fuck you, Cullen family.
971
00:59:30,806 --> 00:59:32,349
Fuck you hard.
972
00:59:35,352 --> 00:59:36,811
You wanna go now?
973
00:59:36,811 --> 00:59:39,689
Did anyone notice they kinda
looked a little similar?
974
00:59:53,660 --> 00:59:54,995
What the fuck, hmm?
975
00:59:54,995 --> 00:59:56,997
I thought you knew
where we were going!
976
00:59:56,997 --> 00:59:59,749
Recalculating route.
Damn GPS!
977
01:00:15,764 --> 01:00:18,099
The noobs will be forced to
enter from the east side.
978
01:00:18,099 --> 01:00:21,019
We'll wait until they get
halfway across the battlefield
979
01:00:21,019 --> 01:00:24,063
and then we'll strike, but only
on my command. You got it?
980
01:00:24,063 --> 01:00:25,856
- Right.
- On my command!
981
01:00:27,858 --> 01:00:30,069
You have reached
your destination.
982
01:00:34,072 --> 01:00:36,533
Okay, let's do this.
983
01:00:36,533 --> 01:00:38,993
Lee-Roy-yy
Jenkins!
984
01:00:38,993 --> 01:00:42,622
- Emmet, you moron!
- God damn it.
985
01:00:44,624 --> 01:00:46,584
- Ooh!
- That's enough!
986
01:00:47,585 --> 01:00:50,129
Enough!
987
01:00:50,129 --> 01:00:53,173
- We want them!
- Oh hell no!
988
01:01:01,180 --> 01:01:03,182
It's starting.
989
01:01:06,185 --> 01:01:08,437
He says it's starting.
990
01:01:16,444 --> 01:01:18,071
They're planking.
991
01:01:26,954 --> 01:01:29,540
And now they're owling.
992
01:01:29,540 --> 01:01:32,626
It's really gay.
993
01:01:43,594 --> 01:01:45,137
Oh my God, they're owling.
994
01:01:45,137 --> 01:01:46,722
That is so gay.
995
01:01:47,723 --> 01:01:51,477
Jacob just arrived.
He's marking his territory.
996
01:01:54,479 --> 01:01:56,690
Still going. Still going.
Anybody still going?
997
01:02:06,240 --> 01:02:09,076
Someone's hurt?
998
01:02:09,076 --> 01:02:12,079
She's close.
I can hear her thoughts.
999
01:02:12,079 --> 01:02:16,249
Something about
needing a Brazilian wax
1000
01:02:16,249 --> 01:02:19,878
because she's getting major
chaffage when she runs.
1001
01:02:19,878 --> 01:02:22,505
Seth, go!
1002
01:02:25,508 --> 01:02:27,218
She found us.
1003
01:02:27,218 --> 01:02:28,802
She's not alone.
1004
01:02:32,806 --> 01:02:34,099
Oh God.
1005
01:02:41,105 --> 01:02:43,066
Ronald, listen to me.
1006
01:02:43,066 --> 01:02:46,193
Victoria is just using you
to distract me.
1007
01:02:46,193 --> 01:02:48,654
She knows I'll kill you.
1008
01:02:50,656 --> 01:02:52,741
In fact, she'll be happy
1009
01:02:52,741 --> 01:02:54,659
to not have
to deal with you anymore.
1010
01:02:54,659 --> 01:02:56,745
Don't listen to him, Ronald.
1011
01:02:56,745 --> 01:02:59,956
I told you about
his mind tricks.
1012
01:03:03,084 --> 01:03:05,336
Don't keep distracted.
Keep watching. Keep watching.
1013
01:03:05,336 --> 01:03:08,130
Oh, which one it could be? Whoa,
whoa, here we go. Here we go.
1014
01:03:17,138 --> 01:03:20,016
- Oh, son of a bitch!
- Ha!
1015
01:03:20,016 --> 01:03:21,934
Oh my goodness.
1016
01:03:21,934 --> 01:03:24,604
You're fucking dead!
1017
01:03:25,605 --> 01:03:27,857
You won't get another
chance like this again!
1018
01:03:28,857 --> 01:03:31,360
You want her.
You want me to feel
1019
01:03:31,360 --> 01:03:33,862
the pain you felt
when I killed James,
1020
01:03:33,862 --> 01:03:35,864
when I tore him to pieces,
1021
01:03:35,864 --> 01:03:38,033
when I turned him to ash,
1022
01:03:38,033 --> 01:03:39,409
when I smoked him out of a bong
1023
01:03:39,409 --> 01:03:43,246
and gave everyone a contact high
at an Enrique iglesias concert.
1024
01:04:02,138 --> 01:04:02,930
Where are you going?
1025
01:04:07,768 --> 01:04:09,895
Aggh!
1026
01:04:21,948 --> 01:04:24,158
Get over here.
1027
01:04:27,161 --> 01:04:28,829
Take this.
1028
01:04:37,837 --> 01:04:39,964
You, where do you think
you're going?
1029
01:04:43,926 --> 01:04:46,387
- Yeah.
- Don't do it.
1030
01:05:08,199 --> 01:05:09,742
Bella!
1031
01:05:13,745 --> 01:05:15,247
Don't do it.
1032
01:05:17,791 --> 01:05:20,710
Oh, your girlfriend's bleeding.
1033
01:05:25,339 --> 01:05:27,383
Come on!
1034
01:05:27,383 --> 01:05:28,676
Oh, I hate you so much.
1035
01:05:29,677 --> 01:05:31,678
So much.
1036
01:05:39,686 --> 01:05:41,771
Mmm...
1037
01:06:03,332 --> 01:06:06,877
Huh.
1038
01:06:06,877 --> 01:06:08,796
- Want one?
- No.
1039
01:06:08,796 --> 01:06:12,841
Oh, Jesus Christ, it's bad!
1040
01:06:12,841 --> 01:06:15,427
That's really-- oh my God,
that's really bad.
1041
01:06:15,427 --> 01:06:18,972
Oh, it's so bad it smells like
coyote carcass with melted gruyere
1042
01:06:18,972 --> 01:06:21,474
that's been left on the side of
the highway for nine months.
1043
01:06:21,474 --> 01:06:25,311
So bad-- oh, it smells
like a turkish sewer system
1044
01:06:25,311 --> 01:06:28,731
after a gay pride parade
in the month of July.
1045
01:06:28,731 --> 01:06:30,357
Oh, oh, so bad, it smells like
1046
01:06:30,357 --> 01:06:32,734
you ate a llama's dump
after it just--
1047
01:06:32,734 --> 01:06:35,487
okay yeah, I know,
I know. It smells bad.
1048
01:06:35,487 --> 01:06:38,198
- Hey, there they are.
- Love the llama's dump line.
1049
01:06:38,198 --> 01:06:39,199
That was really good.
1050
01:06:39,199 --> 01:06:41,451
Congratulations.
1051
01:06:54,864 --> 01:06:57,825
Impressive. I've never seen
a small group like yours
1052
01:06:57,825 --> 01:06:59,534
defeat a large army
like theirs.
1053
01:06:59,534 --> 01:07:01,620
- We were lucky.
- I doubt that.
1054
01:07:01,620 --> 01:07:03,622
Luck is when you have
a six showing
1055
01:07:03,622 --> 01:07:05,957
and the dealer shows
a king and you hit
1056
01:07:05,957 --> 01:07:06,958
and pull up a four and a queen.
1057
01:07:06,958 --> 01:07:12,713
Or when you bet exacta box
on two 50-1 horses
1058
01:07:12,713 --> 01:07:15,341
and they come in win and place.
1059
01:07:15,341 --> 01:07:17,551
Or if you take grambling
over Southern,
1060
01:07:17,551 --> 01:07:20,637
but you have to lay 10 and cover
on a last-second hail Mary.
1061
01:07:20,637 --> 01:07:23,306
- We're gonna have to off all of you.
- Excuse me?
1062
01:07:23,306 --> 01:07:26,351
It'll be quick.
You won't feel a thing.
1063
01:07:27,352 --> 01:07:28,978
Oh, crap!
1064
01:07:28,978 --> 01:07:31,731
- "Storage wars" is on in five.
- What? No one TiVo'd it?
1065
01:07:38,821 --> 01:07:42,741
I'd like to commend you all
on a job well done
1066
01:07:42,741 --> 01:07:45,660
and hope to see you at Edward
and Bella's wedding next month.
1067
01:07:45,660 --> 01:07:47,245
Mazel!
1068
01:07:47,245 --> 01:07:49,789
Married?!
You two are getting married?
1069
01:07:49,789 --> 01:07:52,625
Jacob, you knew
this day was coming.
1070
01:07:52,625 --> 01:07:54,668
By my bronzed body.
1071
01:07:55,669 --> 01:07:57,212
Ah-ha.
1072
01:08:01,341 --> 01:08:04,302
Call off the wedding
or I'll take my life.
1073
01:08:04,302 --> 01:08:05,970
Jacob, put the knife down.
1074
01:08:05,970 --> 01:08:08,931
This does not qualify
as an emergency situation.
1075
01:08:08,931 --> 01:08:11,767
- Call it off.
- Just put the knife down and we'll talk, okay?
1076
01:08:11,767 --> 01:08:13,227
Hey, what's up, Jacob?
1077
01:08:13,227 --> 01:08:15,854
How you feel about the
conflict in the middle east?
1078
01:08:15,854 --> 01:08:17,689
You kidding me? Get the hell
out of here, you asshole.
1079
01:08:17,689 --> 01:08:20,901
Oh, dude.
Dude, I'm sorry.
1080
01:08:20,901 --> 01:08:24,279
My abs.
My glorious abs!
1081
01:08:31,786 --> 01:08:34,538
To Edward and Bella!
1082
01:09:17,236 --> 01:09:20,572
- You have something--
- huh?
1083
01:09:20,572 --> 01:09:23,241
- You have something right here.
- What?
1084
01:09:23,241 --> 01:09:25,452
You've got a goddamn booger
hanging from your nose
1085
01:09:25,452 --> 01:09:27,746
- and it's fucking gross!
- Sorry.
1086
01:09:32,750 --> 01:09:36,712
No measure of time with you
would be long enough,
1087
01:09:36,712 --> 01:09:39,298
but we'll start with...
1088
01:09:39,298 --> 01:09:41,425
Forever.
1089
01:10:07,657 --> 01:10:10,702
Ah-hh!
1090
01:10:10,702 --> 01:10:12,703
Skytram!
1091
01:10:21,378 --> 01:10:24,339
It's impossible.
You're pregnant?
1092
01:10:24,339 --> 01:10:25,841
No, you idiot.
1093
01:10:25,841 --> 01:10:27,342
Oh Christ.
1094
01:10:33,222 --> 01:10:36,434
God, it's a really
bad case of the shits.
1095
01:10:36,434 --> 01:10:39,520
God, I knew I shouldn't have
taken those stupid shrimp tacos
1096
01:10:39,520 --> 01:10:42,147
from that guadalajaran
street vendor last night.
1097
01:10:52,865 --> 01:10:56,660
You're definitely
pregnant, Bella.
1098
01:10:56,660 --> 01:10:58,871
There's only one
slight inconsistency.
1099
01:10:58,871 --> 01:11:00,873
The results of
the blood test reveal
1100
01:11:00,873 --> 01:11:04,334
that the baby's DNA doesn't
exactly match that of Edward's.
1101
01:11:04,334 --> 01:11:05,418
What?
1102
01:11:05,418 --> 01:11:07,254
That's impossible.
1103
01:11:07,254 --> 01:11:08,755
Not according to science.
1104
01:11:09,756 --> 01:11:12,091
Well, then whose is it?
1105
01:11:12,091 --> 01:11:14,844
Daddy's home, bitches!
1106
01:11:21,767 --> 01:11:24,686
Everyone, David here, and I'm
about to watch the new trailer
1107
01:11:24,686 --> 01:11:27,105
for the "twilight" saga
"eclipse" movie.
1108
01:11:27,105 --> 01:11:28,815
We're about
to watch it, people.
1109
01:11:28,815 --> 01:11:31,401
Should we hold hands? We've
always held hands before.
1110
01:11:31,401 --> 01:11:33,778
We probably should.
Very true.
1111
01:11:33,778 --> 01:11:36,113
"The following preview has been
approved for appropriate audiences."
1112
01:11:36,113 --> 01:11:36,739
I'm so nervous.
1113
01:11:37,740 --> 01:11:41,702
Excuse me if I start screaming.
1114
01:11:41,702 --> 01:11:43,161
Oh my God.
1115
01:11:57,133 --> 01:11:59,426
- No. No no no.
- Oh...
1116
01:11:59,426 --> 01:12:01,428
- No no no.
- ...My...
1117
01:12:01,428 --> 01:12:03,221
...God.
1118
01:12:04,222 --> 01:12:05,765
Oh my God!
Did you see that?
1119
01:12:05,765 --> 01:12:07,642
- Oh my God.
- Holy shit!
1120
01:12:07,642 --> 01:12:08,768
Oh, Alice--!
1121
01:12:15,299 --> 01:12:17,843
New "eclipse" clip. New "eclipse" clip.
New "eclipse" clip.
1122
01:12:17,843 --> 01:12:19,261
New "eclipse" clip.
New "eclipse" clip.
1123
01:12:19,261 --> 01:12:21,305
New "eclipse" clip!
I'm gonna watch it
1124
01:12:21,305 --> 01:12:23,765
because I need to watch it.
I've been waiting to all--
1125
01:12:23,765 --> 01:12:25,684
well, not all day,
but most of today to watch it.
1126
01:12:25,684 --> 01:12:27,519
And I really can't wait anymore
1127
01:12:27,519 --> 01:12:29,396
because apparently
it's got the volturi in it.
1128
01:12:29,396 --> 01:12:31,689
I love the volturi.
Oh my God.
1129
01:12:31,689 --> 01:12:32,690
"Eclipse" clip!
1130
01:12:32,690 --> 01:12:35,193
Oh my God. No...
1131
01:12:35,193 --> 01:12:37,528
I'm looking right now
1132
01:12:37,528 --> 01:12:39,530
at the page and I can watch
the trailer now
1133
01:12:39,530 --> 01:12:41,156
and I'm so nervous!
1134
01:12:41,156 --> 01:12:42,825
Oh my God.
1135
01:12:42,825 --> 01:12:44,368
I can't wait.
1136
01:12:45,827 --> 01:12:47,871
Oh my God, it's the volturi!
1137
01:12:49,205 --> 01:12:51,207
Oh my God!
1138
01:12:57,630 --> 01:12:59,298
Oh my God.
1139
01:12:59,298 --> 01:13:02,259
It's amazing!
1140
01:13:02,259 --> 01:13:04,303
And I love
the part where--
1141
01:13:04,303 --> 01:13:07,389
the "twilight" trailer--
I love the whole part!
1142
01:13:07,389 --> 01:13:09,307
The whole thing!
I love the whole thing!
1143
01:13:15,479 --> 01:13:17,273
Oh my God!
1144
01:13:17,273 --> 01:13:19,900
Why have they not
leaked more? Okay?
1145
01:13:19,900 --> 01:13:21,819
Do they not know
that "twilight" fans
1146
01:13:21,819 --> 01:13:24,154
need more?!
We need more!
1147
01:13:24,154 --> 01:13:26,740
More. Please.
Hi. More, please.
1148
01:13:26,740 --> 01:13:28,867
I love this already.
1149
01:13:28,867 --> 01:13:30,535
I've just seen it.
1150
01:13:30,535 --> 01:13:32,745
I'm crying
because it was so good.
1151
01:13:32,745 --> 01:13:36,749
I've got no voice because
I've spent the last day--
1152
01:13:36,749 --> 01:13:39,752
I'm gonna go book a ticket
for tomorrow morning
1153
01:13:39,752 --> 01:13:41,879
'cause I need to see it again.
1154
01:13:41,879 --> 01:13:44,464
Oh my God, oh my God. I've just
seen it for the fifth time.
1155
01:13:44,464 --> 01:13:47,259
I saw it four times yesterday
and I've just gotten home
1156
01:13:47,259 --> 01:13:51,137
after seeing it for the fifth
time and I am totally exhausted.
1157
01:13:51,137 --> 01:13:53,264
And I'm never gonna get
sick of this film ever.
1158
01:13:53,264 --> 01:13:55,850
It's just not gonna happen.
No, it's not gonna happen.
1159
01:13:55,850 --> 01:13:57,893
No, it's not.
I fucking love this film!
1160
01:13:57,893 --> 01:13:59,436
I fucking love this film!
1161
01:13:59,436 --> 01:14:01,271
I fucking loved
every single minute of it
1162
01:14:01,271 --> 01:14:02,731
and I didn't get kicked out,
1163
01:14:02,731 --> 01:14:04,149
which is actually
quite a surprise to me
1164
01:14:04,149 --> 01:14:04,608
because that's normally what would
happen, to be totally honest with you.
1165
01:14:05,609 --> 01:14:08,611
Oh my God, I have to go and see it
again and again and again and again.
1166
01:14:09,612 --> 01:14:11,281
I don't even have
any other words.
1167
01:14:11,281 --> 01:14:13,282
And I'm tired,
yet I'm still hyper
1168
01:14:13,282 --> 01:14:15,326
and I've never really
done that before.
1169
01:14:15,326 --> 01:14:18,954
And I'm eating jaffa cakes
for no apparent reason.
1170
01:14:18,954 --> 01:14:21,165
No reason.
1171
01:14:21,165 --> 01:14:23,625
No.
No reason.
1172
01:14:23,625 --> 01:14:25,460
Bye.
1173
01:14:26,461 --> 01:14:29,506
♪ The closer you are ♪
1174
01:14:29,506 --> 01:14:32,967
♪ the better I am ♪
1175
01:14:32,967 --> 01:14:35,511
♪ I wanna spend my life ♪
1176
01:14:35,511 --> 01:14:37,763
♪ with you ♪
1177
01:14:38,764 --> 01:14:42,643
♪ let's take a chance ♪
1178
01:14:42,643 --> 01:14:45,520
♪ go somewhere
we've never been ♪
1179
01:14:45,520 --> 01:14:48,481
♪ it's cold, it's cold,
it's cold outside ♪
1180
01:14:48,481 --> 01:14:51,818
♪ in here, in here,
it's warm with you ♪
1181
01:14:51,818 --> 01:14:54,779
♪ it's cold, it's cold,
it's cold outside ♪
1182
01:14:54,779 --> 01:14:58,616
♪ in here, in here,
it's warm... ♪
1183
01:14:58,616 --> 01:15:00,826
No.
1184
01:15:00,826 --> 01:15:02,744
Oh no.
1185
01:15:02,744 --> 01:15:03,996
Oh God, no.
1186
01:15:03,996 --> 01:15:05,497
No.
1187
01:15:05,497 --> 01:15:08,416
Son of a bitch!
Son of a bitch!
1188
01:15:08,416 --> 01:15:09,626
Oh God, why?
1189
01:15:09,626 --> 01:15:12,253
Oh-- God.
1190
01:15:13,254 --> 01:15:14,839
- Ah yeah.
- No.
1191
01:15:18,217 --> 01:15:21,553
Cut!
1192
01:15:21,553 --> 01:15:23,931
...how much
you mean to me.
1193
01:15:29,769 --> 01:15:33,189
Made you a little something. Made you a little something.
Made you a little something.
1194
01:15:33,648 --> 01:15:34,982
Oh my God.
1195
01:15:39,987 --> 01:15:42,531
I like to watch.
1196
01:15:43,532 --> 01:15:45,534
I like to watch.
1197
01:15:47,536 --> 01:15:49,329
Your vagina feels so good.
1198
01:15:49,329 --> 01:15:51,539
I can fuckin' do this
all night.
1199
01:15:51,539 --> 01:15:54,250
- Caliente?
- Oh, muy mucho!
1200
01:15:54,250 --> 01:15:56,294
I don't know Spanish!
1201
01:16:03,258 --> 01:16:05,677
Ah, excuse me.
1202
01:16:11,474 --> 01:16:13,893
Oh, uh, he sharted himself.
1203
01:16:13,893 --> 01:16:14,727
And action.
1204
01:16:16,729 --> 01:16:18,731
It'll be fun.
We'll have a chalupa truck,
1205
01:16:18,731 --> 01:16:21,358
a petting zoo
and we'll drink some blood.
1206
01:16:21,358 --> 01:16:23,485
Is that Japan?
1207
01:16:23,485 --> 01:16:24,903
Is that Japan there?
1208
01:16:24,903 --> 01:16:26,071
They will take your ass.
1209
01:16:26,071 --> 01:16:28,573
They will take your property
like they're playing risk.
1210
01:16:29,574 --> 01:16:30,992
Oh sorry.
1211
01:16:30,992 --> 01:16:32,994
Who's next, pussies?!
1212
01:16:32,994 --> 01:16:34,912
I killed my wife!
1213
01:16:34,912 --> 01:16:37,915
Shut up. Just shut
that lying face.
1214
01:16:37,915 --> 01:16:39,959
We need to rework
our voting system.
1215
01:16:39,959 --> 01:16:42,503
I feel like it was flawed.
1216
01:16:44,504 --> 01:16:47,465
He's nailing her good. She's
taking it like your mom used to.
1217
01:16:47,465 --> 01:16:50,426
- I'm proud of you, mom.
- Cut.
1218
01:16:50,426 --> 01:16:52,804
I'm good with one.
1219
01:16:52,804 --> 01:16:55,765
Ah-hh.
1220
01:16:55,765 --> 01:16:57,683
I'm a giver.
Ah-hh.
1221
01:16:57,683 --> 01:17:00,060
"Taiwanese" means
"two hookers" anyway.
1222
01:17:00,060 --> 01:17:01,645
Two hookers, two hookers.
1223
01:17:05,649 --> 01:17:07,025
What the fuck?!
1224
01:17:07,025 --> 01:17:10,069
What the fuck?!
What the fuck?!
1225
01:17:10,069 --> 01:17:12,113
Ahh!
1226
01:17:12,113 --> 01:17:14,866
Ahh-hah!
1227
01:17:14,866 --> 01:17:16,617
Ah-ha-ha.
1228
01:17:17,618 --> 01:17:20,621
I wish all vampires
had such control.
1229
01:17:23,624 --> 01:17:26,751
You know what I mean? You know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
1230
01:17:26,751 --> 01:17:27,877
I do.
1231
01:17:28,878 --> 01:17:31,548
Yeah, it'll be fun.
We'll have a chalupa truck,
1232
01:17:31,548 --> 01:17:34,884
a petting zoo and, uh...
1233
01:17:34,884 --> 01:17:36,302
- Whatever.
- ...Whatever.
1234
01:17:36,302 --> 01:17:37,928
You can just call it on the fly.
Nice.
1235
01:17:38,637 --> 01:17:39,847
Huh?
1236
01:17:43,517 --> 01:17:47,562
Alice, don't be angry because
you're too tight to do anal.
1237
01:17:47,562 --> 01:17:49,981
- Action.
- God.
1238
01:17:49,981 --> 01:17:52,442
Knife-in-my-chest,
this hurts.
1239
01:17:52,442 --> 01:17:54,777
Hold that backdrop.
1240
01:17:54,777 --> 01:17:58,364
Ow.
Are you okay?
1241
01:17:58,364 --> 01:17:58,989
I quit!
1242
01:18:00,991 --> 01:18:03,160
- Quiel, you too?
- Yup, finally made the pack.
1243
01:18:08,039 --> 01:18:11,584
- Ahh.
- No thanks.
1244
01:18:11,584 --> 01:18:14,003
That feels really good, huh?
Oh yeah, it does.
1245
01:18:14,003 --> 01:18:17,006
♪ He said the fault is mine ♪
1246
01:18:17,006 --> 01:18:19,466
♪ he said I shouldn't lie ♪
1247
01:18:19,466 --> 01:18:23,011
♪ I say he's out of his mind ♪
1248
01:18:23,011 --> 01:18:26,515
♪ I said he'd make me cry ♪
1249
01:18:26,515 --> 01:18:29,601
♪ he said he's tried his best ♪
1250
01:18:29,601 --> 01:18:32,020
♪ he says I shouldn't jest ♪
1251
01:18:32,020 --> 01:18:35,189
♪ I say he's out of his mind ♪
1252
01:18:35,189 --> 01:18:39,193
♪ I said he'd make me cry,
make me cry ♪
1253
01:18:39,193 --> 01:18:43,155
♪ I should've known
when we got through ♪
1254
01:18:43,155 --> 01:18:46,533
♪ with all assured,
life still wasn't good ♪
1255
01:18:46,533 --> 01:18:49,494
♪ I gave it all
and then some more ♪
1256
01:18:49,494 --> 01:18:52,538
♪ I tried and now
I'm locked in ♪
1257
01:18:52,538 --> 01:18:55,875
♪ doors, stuck with you ♪
1258
01:18:55,875 --> 01:18:59,086
♪ can see outside,
what a wonderful view ♪
1259
01:18:59,086 --> 01:19:02,172
♪ locked inside,
I don't belong ♪
1260
01:19:02,172 --> 01:19:05,133
♪ lost inside, my way out is ♪
1261
01:19:05,133 --> 01:19:07,177
♪ long ♪
1262
01:19:07,177 --> 01:19:08,345
♪ time with you ♪
1263
01:19:08,345 --> 01:19:11,556
♪ can see outside,
what a wonderful view ♪
1264
01:19:11,556 --> 01:19:15,142
♪ locked inside,
I don't belong ♪
1265
01:19:15,142 --> 01:19:17,812
♪ lost inside, my way out is ♪
1266
01:19:17,812 --> 01:19:21,148
♪ long ♪
1267
01:19:21,148 --> 01:19:23,525
♪ he said I bitch too much ♪
1268
01:19:23,525 --> 01:19:25,902
♪ I said the drugs his clutch ♪
1269
01:19:25,902 --> 01:19:29,155
♪ I know he's out of his mind ♪
1270
01:19:29,155 --> 01:19:30,824
♪ I said he'd make me cry ♪
1271
01:19:33,826 --> 01:19:36,078
♪ he said that he could quit ♪
1272
01:19:36,078 --> 01:19:38,205
♪ he lied and took a hit ♪
1273
01:19:38,205 --> 01:19:41,917
♪ I know he's out of mind ♪
1274
01:19:41,917 --> 01:19:46,088
♪ I said he'd make me cry,
make me cry ♪
1275
01:19:46,088 --> 01:19:49,549
♪ I should've known
when we got through ♪
1276
01:19:49,549 --> 01:19:52,927
♪ with all assured,
life still wasn't good ♪
1277
01:19:52,927 --> 01:19:55,805
♪ I gave it all
and then some more ♪
1278
01:19:55,805 --> 01:19:58,808
♪ I tried and now
I'm locked in ♪
1279
01:19:58,808 --> 01:20:02,227
♪ doors, stuck with you ♪
1280
01:20:02,227 --> 01:20:05,522
♪ can see outside,
what a wonderful view ♪
1281
01:20:05,522 --> 01:20:08,692
♪ locked inside,
I don't belong ♪
1282
01:20:08,692 --> 01:20:11,277
♪ lost inside, my way out is ♪
1283
01:20:11,277 --> 01:20:13,279
♪ long ♪
1284
01:20:13,279 --> 01:20:15,198
♪ time with you ♪
1285
01:20:15,198 --> 01:20:18,117
♪ can see outside,
what a wonderful view ♪
1286
01:20:18,117 --> 01:20:21,120
♪ locked inside,
I don't belong ♪
1287
01:20:21,120 --> 01:20:24,122
♪ lost inside, my way out is ♪
1288
01:20:24,122 --> 01:20:28,126
♪ long ♪
1289
01:20:28,126 --> 01:20:30,628
♪ yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪
1290
01:20:32,630 --> 01:20:34,799
♪ yeah yeah ♪
1291
01:20:36,801 --> 01:20:39,261
♪ he said he's glad I cried ♪
1292
01:20:39,261 --> 01:20:41,680
♪ I said,
"your brain's so fried" ♪
1293
01:20:41,680 --> 01:20:45,017
♪ I know he's out of his mind ♪
1294
01:20:45,017 --> 01:20:49,062
♪ I said he'd make me cry,
make me cry ♪
1295
01:20:49,062 --> 01:20:52,774
♪ I should've known
when we got through ♪
1296
01:20:52,774 --> 01:20:56,110
♪ with all assured,
life still wasn't good ♪
1297
01:20:56,110 --> 01:20:59,113
♪ I gave it all
and then some more ♪
1298
01:20:59,113 --> 01:21:02,032
♪ I tried and now
I'm locked in ♪
1299
01:21:02,032 --> 01:21:04,618
♪ doors, stuck with you ♪
1300
01:21:05,619 --> 01:21:08,538
♪ can see outside,
what a wonderful view ♪
1301
01:21:08,538 --> 01:21:11,624
♪ locked inside,
I don't belong... ♪
1302
01:21:14,627 --> 01:21:16,629
Oh my God.
Jesus Christ, that reeks.
1303
01:21:17,630 --> 01:21:20,049
- Jesus!
- I'm sorry!