1
00:01:58,309 --> 00:02:01,244
There's great wisdom in Jokes, Falk, really.

2
00:02:01,309 --> 00:02:04,745
There's an old Joke
about a prizefighter in the ring.

3
00:02:04,809 --> 00:02:07,573
He's getting his brains beat out.

4
00:02:07,642 --> 00:02:12,011
And his mother's in the audience,
and she's watching him getting beaten up.

5
00:02:12,076 --> 00:02:17,378
There's a priest next to her
and she says, "Father, pray for him."

6
00:02:17,443 --> 00:02:22,039
And the priest says, "I will,
but if he could punch, it would help."

7
00:02:22,110 --> 00:02:25,102
There's more insight in that Joke,

8
00:02:25,176 --> 00:02:29,374
into what I call the Giant So What

9
00:02:29,443 --> 00:02:32,241
than most books on philosophy.

10
00:02:32,310 --> 00:02:34,574
Women.

11
00:02:34,643 --> 00:02:40,479
Camus said that women are all
that we're ever going to know

12
00:02:40,543 --> 00:02:43,068
of paradise on earth.

13
00:02:43,144 --> 00:02:46,705
In your case, Falk,
there is a seminal Joke

14
00:02:46,777 --> 00:02:51,111
that Henny Youngman used to tell
that I think is perfect.

15
00:02:51,177 --> 00:02:54,408
It sums it up perfectly
as far as you go.

16
00:02:54,478 --> 00:02:56,173
Guy comes into a doctor's office.

17
00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:59,771
He says, "Doc, it hurts when I do this."

18
00:02:59,845 --> 00:03:03,178
The doctor says, "Don't do it."

19
00:03:03,245 --> 00:03:05,440
Think about that.

20
00:03:06,511 --> 00:03:09,480
That's David Dobel,
and I'm Jerry Falk.

21
00:03:09,544 --> 00:03:12,707
We spent many afternoons walking
and talking in the park.

22
00:03:12,778 --> 00:03:15,440
Did I know when I first met him
how nuts he was?

23
00:03:15,512 --> 00:03:20,973
We met at the office of some so-called
intellectual comedian's agent.

24
00:03:21,045 --> 00:03:24,537
We were comedy writers trying
to break into the business

25
00:03:24,612 --> 00:03:26,739
by writing nightclub routines for comics.

26
00:03:26,812 --> 00:03:30,976
The difference was,
I was 21 and he was 60.

27
00:03:31,046 --> 00:03:35,210
He wants truisms.
Not Just Jokes. Truisms.

28
00:03:35,279 --> 00:03:38,976
We can't afford the crazy prices
for the more established...

29
00:03:39,046 --> 00:03:41,514
Let me say this, if I may.

30
00:03:41,580 --> 00:03:46,210
I can't speak for David Dobel
because I don't handle him.

31
00:03:46,279 --> 00:03:48,747
In fact, Jerry and I Just met him now.

32
00:03:48,813 --> 00:03:53,773
But I've handled Jerry Falk
since he began, and with Jerry Falk,

33
00:03:53,847 --> 00:03:56,645
you get top-quality goods for your money.

34
00:03:56,713 --> 00:03:59,841
You can buy a suit and get
the same cut in a cheap fabric

35
00:03:59,913 --> 00:04:04,976
as you can in an expensive fabric.
Jerry gives you affordable fabric,

36
00:04:05,047 --> 00:04:09,984
a quality fabric, at affordable prices.
Is this gabardine?

37
00:04:10,047 --> 00:04:13,039
Who is that piece goods salesman
who handles you?

38
00:04:13,114 --> 00:04:16,174
Harvey? Don't ask.
My cross to bear.

39
00:04:16,247 --> 00:04:19,683
I'd love to dump him,
but I'm his only client.

40
00:04:19,747 --> 00:04:22,215
You pay that troll
ten percent of your salary?

41
00:04:22,281 --> 00:04:25,512
20. Actually, 25.
It's a long story.

42
00:04:25,581 --> 00:04:28,812
He was there for me
when my marriage broke up.

43
00:04:28,881 --> 00:04:32,112
Your... don't tell me
you got married young.

44
00:04:32,181 --> 00:04:35,378
You thought it would be exciting.
It turned out to be hebetudinous

45
00:04:35,448 --> 00:04:37,939
and you dumped her.
Am I right?

46
00:04:38,014 --> 00:04:41,347
You are not. She left me.
I can't leave anybody.

47
00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:45,579
It's my main problem in analysis.
I'm afraid to sleep alone. "Hebetudinous?"

48
00:04:45,648 --> 00:04:48,913
- You're in analysis already?
- Yes. Very committed, actually.

49
00:04:48,982 --> 00:04:51,576
I turned down some TV Jobs
in Los Angeles

50
00:04:51,648 --> 00:04:54,310
because my shrink felt
we weren't finished yet.

51
00:04:54,382 --> 00:04:57,180
You chose psychoanalysis over real life?

52
00:04:57,249 --> 00:04:59,444
Are you learning disabled?

53
00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:02,508
[Falk:] Obviously, you're not familiar
with analysis.

54
00:05:02,583 --> 00:05:05,780
Wrong. I'm completely familiar with it.

55
00:05:05,850 --> 00:05:09,342
Similar hustlers tried to fob it
off on me at Payne Whitney.

56
00:05:09,416 --> 00:05:12,852
- You were in Payne Whitney?
- That's right. A nuthouse.

57
00:05:12,916 --> 00:05:15,544
I was in the psycho ward
for six months,

58
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:18,483
a vacation I don't look back on
with great nostalgia.

59
00:05:18,549 --> 00:05:20,483
Really?

60
00:05:20,550 --> 00:05:22,882
Relax.
You don't have to move away.

61
00:05:22,950 --> 00:05:26,408
Oh, no. I'm not suggesting
you were violent.

62
00:05:26,484 --> 00:05:30,420
But I was violent.
That's why they put you in a straitjacket.

63
00:05:30,484 --> 00:05:32,714
You were in a straitjacket?

64
00:05:32,784 --> 00:05:35,878
I'm not going to take an ax
and split your head open.

65
00:05:35,951 --> 00:05:38,852
- Don't be scared.
- I'm Just surprised.

66
00:05:38,917 --> 00:05:40,782
What happened?
Why were you there?

67
00:05:40,851 --> 00:05:42,409
I broke up with this girl,

68
00:05:42,484 --> 00:05:46,648
and they put me
with a psychiatrist who said,

69
00:05:46,717 --> 00:05:51,120
"Why did you get so depressed,

70
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:55,382
"and do all those things you did?"
I said, "I wanted this girl and she left me."

71
00:05:55,451 --> 00:05:58,420
And he said,
"Well, we have to look into that."

72
00:05:58,485 --> 00:06:01,977
And I said, "There's nothing to look into!
I wanted her and she left me."

73
00:06:02,052 --> 00:06:06,614
And he said, "Well, why are you feeling
so intense?"

74
00:06:06,685 --> 00:06:10,177
And I said, "Cause I want the girl!"
And he said, "What's underneath it?"

75
00:06:10,252 --> 00:06:12,686
And I said, "Nothing!"

76
00:06:12,751 --> 00:06:14,912
He said, "I'll have to
give you medication."

77
00:06:14,985 --> 00:06:17,545
I said, "I don't want medication!
I want the girl!"

78
00:06:17,619 --> 00:06:20,383
And he said,
"We have to work this through."

79
00:06:20,452 --> 00:06:24,388
So, I took a fire extinguisher
from the casement

80
00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:27,080
and struck him across
the back of his neck.

81
00:06:27,152 --> 00:06:29,746
And before I knew it,
guys from Con Ed

82
00:06:29,819 --> 00:06:34,620
had Jumper cables in my head
and the rest was...

83
00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:36,677
Why are you in analysis?

84
00:06:36,752 --> 00:06:39,516
You're afraid to sleep alone.
What else?

85
00:06:39,587 --> 00:06:41,555
Fear of death.

86
00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:44,453
That's funny. I have that, too!
My dog has it.

87
00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,647
It's very common to living creatures.

88
00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:49,518
And I have rough patches
with my girlfriend.

89
00:06:49,587 --> 00:06:51,714
- You have a girlfriend?
- I am deeply in love.

90
00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:52,549
Really?

91
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:57,990
Yes, with the most beautiful,
charming, sexy...

92
00:06:58,054 --> 00:07:00,955
- But there are rough patches.
- We'll get through them.

93
00:07:01,020 --> 00:07:04,387
But there are painful conflicts.

94
00:07:04,454 --> 00:07:07,787
She can be difficult.
But you'd love her. She's a knockout.

95
00:07:07,854 --> 00:07:11,153
- A knockout, but impossible.
- I never said impossible.

96
00:07:11,221 --> 00:07:13,781
- You did!
- Difficult. She can be difficult.

97
00:07:13,855 --> 00:07:17,586
Now she's difficult.
Soon, she'll be impossible.

98
00:07:17,654 --> 00:07:21,886
She's very supportive of my goals.
What are these goals?

99
00:07:21,955 --> 00:07:23,650
I want to write a novel.

100
00:07:23,721 --> 00:07:26,781
A novel about man's fate
in the empty universe.

101
00:07:26,855 --> 00:07:31,485
No god, no hope, Just human suffering
and loneliness.

102
00:07:31,555 --> 00:07:34,888
Stick to Jokes, that's where the money is.
Want a lift?

103
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:37,822
No, I'm okay.
I'm meeting my girlfriend.

104
00:07:37,888 --> 00:07:40,083
Today is our anniversary.

105
00:07:40,155 --> 00:07:44,114
You know, maybe next week,
if you'd like,

106
00:07:44,188 --> 00:07:47,521
we could drive out to watch
that intellectual comedian

107
00:07:47,589 --> 00:07:52,151
parade his amphigories for us.

108
00:07:52,223 --> 00:07:54,350
Sure. That'd be great.

109
00:07:54,423 --> 00:07:59,417
It's funny. I was once in a cab...
this was years ago.

110
00:07:59,490 --> 00:08:02,220
And I was pouring my heart out
to the driver

111
00:08:02,289 --> 00:08:05,452
about all the stuff
you were prattling on about...

112
00:08:05,523 --> 00:08:08,822
life, death, the empty universe,

113
00:08:08,890 --> 00:08:11,654
the meaning of existence,
human suffering.

114
00:08:11,723 --> 00:08:14,715
And the cab driver said to me:

115
00:08:14,790 --> 00:08:18,123
"You know, it's like anything else."

116
00:08:18,190 --> 00:08:19,817
Think about that.

117
00:08:21,057 --> 00:08:25,016
He was a teacher who lived on
Roosevelt Island. Public school.

118
00:08:25,090 --> 00:08:28,890
Too frightened to quit
and write comedy full-time because,

119
00:08:28,957 --> 00:08:32,620
as he said,
he knew what it was to starve.

120
00:08:32,691 --> 00:08:35,626
"Amphigories"?
"Hebetudinous"?

121
00:08:35,691 --> 00:08:38,660
Meanwhile, I'm on my way
to meet Amanda.

122
00:08:38,724 --> 00:08:41,420
I'll be on time, she'll be late.

123
00:08:41,491 --> 00:08:44,324
She's late, she's disorganized.

124
00:08:44,390 --> 00:08:46,551
Incidentally, that's not our big problem.

125
00:08:46,624 --> 00:08:49,991
She drives me crazy,
but wait till you meet her.

126
00:08:50,058 --> 00:08:52,356
She is adorable!

127
00:09:10,825 --> 00:09:13,293
- Jerry!
- Amanda! Hey!

128
00:09:13,358 --> 00:09:16,987
- Am I late?
- Not if we go by Rocky Mountain time.

129
00:09:17,058 --> 00:09:19,891
Can you pay for the cab?
I forgot my wallet.

130
00:09:19,958 --> 00:09:23,121
Pay for the cab?
Are you getting the picture?

131
00:09:24,659 --> 00:09:27,685
You know, we did say 7:30.

132
00:09:27,759 --> 00:09:29,624
Sorry!

133
00:09:31,258 --> 00:09:34,352
It was pretty tough to get a reservation.

134
00:09:35,193 --> 00:09:38,162
- What's the matter?
- I'm in a bad mood.

135
00:09:38,226 --> 00:09:42,458
- I can see. Why?
- I did terribly at an audition today.

136
00:09:42,526 --> 00:09:45,017
You always think you did badly.

137
00:09:45,092 --> 00:09:49,688
I felt so confident until I got up to read,
then I completely froze.

138
00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:52,661
Don't obsess.
I'm sure it wasn't that bad.

139
00:09:52,726 --> 00:09:57,220
I'm my own worst enemy.
I could play that part in my sleep.

140
00:09:57,293 --> 00:09:59,887
I know you can.
Just calm down.

141
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:04,294
We'll go have a good dinner.
We'll have wine, you can relax.

142
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:08,558
I got to tell you about this character I met.
He's fascinating.

143
00:10:08,626 --> 00:10:12,619
Don't be mad at me, but I ate.

144
00:10:14,527 --> 00:10:16,324
You ate?

145
00:10:16,394 --> 00:10:20,330
I was starving when I got back
from the audition,

146
00:10:20,394 --> 00:10:24,125
so I had a little sliver
of that Sara Lee cheesecake.

147
00:10:24,195 --> 00:10:28,131
Then I had another one.
You know what I'm like when I get started.

148
00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:30,755
Pretty soon, I'd eaten the whole cake.

149
00:10:30,828 --> 00:10:34,389
You ate the whole
Sara Lee cheesecake?

150
00:10:34,462 --> 00:10:38,421
Then I figured, what the hell!
I finished the spaghetti in the refrigerator,

151
00:10:38,495 --> 00:10:42,625
ate that last lobster tail
and heated up a chicken pot pie.

152
00:10:42,695 --> 00:10:45,425
Is there any furniture
left in the house?

153
00:10:45,495 --> 00:10:48,828
I'm so fat, it's disgusting.

154
00:10:48,895 --> 00:10:50,954
How could you eat before dinner?

155
00:10:51,029 --> 00:10:54,465
I'm sorry. I was so angry at myself
for screwing up.

156
00:10:54,528 --> 00:10:56,928
I couldn't help it.

157
00:10:56,995 --> 00:10:59,293
I reserved a corner booth.

158
00:10:59,362 --> 00:11:04,664
It's okay. You can order and I'll get
a club soda. I'm dieting anyway.

159
00:11:04,729 --> 00:11:08,324
I can't take their best booth
with Just one of us eating.

160
00:11:08,396 --> 00:11:09,920
It's not nice.

161
00:11:09,995 --> 00:11:12,293
- It's fine.
- No, it's not.

162
00:11:12,362 --> 00:11:15,798
It's dinner hour.
The restaurant's Jam-packed.

163
00:11:15,863 --> 00:11:18,229
How does it look?

164
00:11:18,296 --> 00:11:22,027
Why do you always care
what other people think?

165
00:11:22,096 --> 00:11:25,395
It's embarrassing
if just one of us eats.

166
00:11:25,464 --> 00:11:29,195
Okay. I'll order a meal
and I Just won't eat it.

167
00:11:29,263 --> 00:11:31,231
I can't do that.

168
00:11:31,297 --> 00:11:33,527
So order me a steak,
I'll get a doggie bag,

169
00:11:33,597 --> 00:11:35,758
and it'll be my insomnia snack.

170
00:11:35,831 --> 00:11:38,299
What kind of anniversary dinner is that?

171
00:11:38,363 --> 00:11:42,732
"Can I have one dinner, and can you
put a steak in a doggie bag?"

172
00:11:42,797 --> 00:11:45,994
I thought we'd sit over some wine

173
00:11:46,064 --> 00:11:50,160
and I'd look in your eyes and
tell you how beautiful you are.

174
00:11:50,231 --> 00:11:52,722
I'm not beautiful. I'm fat.

175
00:11:52,797 --> 00:11:56,893
Okay, I'll cancel the reservation.

176
00:11:56,964 --> 00:12:01,663
Let's go home. I'll make myself
some eggs or something.

177
00:12:01,731 --> 00:12:05,064
There are no more eggs.
I ate them.

178
00:12:05,131 --> 00:12:07,224
[Amanda:] What are you doing?

179
00:12:07,298 --> 00:12:11,826
I made myself a sandwich.
There were some cans of tuna left.

180
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:15,231
Thank God she hasn't learned how to use
the new electric can opener yet.

181
00:12:15,299 --> 00:12:17,460
My mother's moving in with us.

182
00:12:17,532 --> 00:12:20,695
- What?
- I'm so angry at her.

183
00:12:20,765 --> 00:12:23,131
Wait a minute.
Did I miss something?

184
00:12:23,199 --> 00:12:25,463
She left her boyfriend.

185
00:12:25,532 --> 00:12:28,899
What happened?
I thought she was finally settled.

186
00:12:28,966 --> 00:12:31,799
What happened is she's Madame Bovary.

187
00:12:31,866 --> 00:12:36,530
She's married to a Park Avenue doctor
and that's too dull for her.

188
00:12:36,599 --> 00:12:38,999
Then there's Tom,
the money market maven,

189
00:12:39,066 --> 00:12:43,059
and Perry, the travel agent guy.
But, no, she wants more.

190
00:12:43,133 --> 00:12:45,601
More? More what?

191
00:12:45,666 --> 00:12:50,194
I'm sure she doesn't know.
More fantasies.

192
00:12:50,266 --> 00:12:53,030
Her youth back.

193
00:12:53,099 --> 00:12:56,557
She wants to "fulfill her life
before it's too late."

194
00:12:56,633 --> 00:13:00,091
- Those are her words.
- Why is she coming here?

195
00:13:00,167 --> 00:13:03,500
She has no money.
She has nowhere else to go.

196
00:13:03,567 --> 00:13:07,003
Amanda, we have no room.
There's no room here.

197
00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:09,763
I figured we'll put a bed in the office.

198
00:13:09,834 --> 00:13:13,565
In the office, Amanda?
That's where I write.

199
00:13:13,634 --> 00:13:17,035
That's where I create.
My whole world is in there.

200
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:19,125
You can create in the living room.

201
00:13:19,201 --> 00:13:23,604
In the...? No, Amanda.
Everything is in there, okay?

202
00:13:23,668 --> 00:13:25,898
That's my space.
It's where I write.

203
00:13:25,968 --> 00:13:29,768
All of my rituals
revolve around my space.

204
00:13:29,835 --> 00:13:31,894
- I can't...
- She's my mother.

205
00:13:31,968 --> 00:13:35,369
- She's not staying in a shelter.
- Why didn't you tell me earlier?

206
00:13:35,435 --> 00:13:40,236
- I didn't want to ruin your dinner.
- My anniversary tuna fish sandwich?

207
00:13:40,302 --> 00:13:44,932
You're making matters worse, okay?
You're giving me a migraine.

208
00:13:45,001 --> 00:13:46,559
[Phone rings]
Hello.

209
00:13:46,635 --> 00:13:52,130
I'll only be a minute.
When I left you, I ran into Danny Wax.

210
00:13:52,202 --> 00:13:57,469
He said the baby-sitter routine
you wrote for him is not working.

211
00:13:57,535 --> 00:14:00,800
There are no laughs.
Not one laugh in that routine.

212
00:14:00,869 --> 00:14:04,100
People are sitting with stone faces.

213
00:14:04,169 --> 00:14:08,333
The routine is fine.
The guy's Just in the wrong profession.

214
00:14:08,403 --> 00:14:13,204
That's what I told him. I said, "Danny,
you've been around for a long time.

215
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:15,635
"You think there's a reason
you never made it?"

216
00:14:17,269 --> 00:14:19,601
No tact.
None. None.

217
00:14:19,670 --> 00:14:24,334
I said to him, "Danny, a man buys a suit.

218
00:14:24,404 --> 00:14:26,736
"He says he's happy with it.

219
00:14:26,803 --> 00:14:29,465
"Then he sees another suit.

220
00:14:29,537 --> 00:14:31,767
Suddenly he doesn't want
the suit he's got!

221
00:14:31,837 --> 00:14:36,467
"He wants a new suit.
He's not happy with the old one."

222
00:14:36,537 --> 00:14:39,506
Right, yeah.
Listen, I'm a little busy now.

223
00:14:39,571 --> 00:14:41,402
Can I ring you back?

224
00:14:41,471 --> 00:14:45,567
I was up to NBC.
There is nothing doing up there.

225
00:14:45,637 --> 00:14:48,333
Not right now.
Things being equal, they'll change.

226
00:14:48,404 --> 00:14:52,773
Right now they're not equal.
I'd like to have lunch with you this week.

227
00:14:52,838 --> 00:14:55,432
I need a business thing done.
We have to talk.

228
00:14:55,505 --> 00:14:57,666
I got a business thing to discuss.

229
00:14:57,737 --> 00:15:02,231
What kind of business?
What do you mean?

230
00:15:02,305 --> 00:15:05,433
There's nothing to get anxious about.
It's about the future.

231
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:07,769
Good-bye.

232
00:15:09,238 --> 00:15:12,298
Jerry, do you think I'm fat?

233
00:15:12,371 --> 00:15:14,896
I think you're amazing-looking.

234
00:15:14,972 --> 00:15:17,463
You're Just used to the losers
you dated before me.

235
00:15:17,538 --> 00:15:20,632
Losers? Not all of them were losers.

236
00:15:20,705 --> 00:15:23,640
What is behind your back?
Something for me?

237
00:15:23,705 --> 00:15:26,538
- This is for you. Happy anniversary.
- Happy anniversary.

238
00:15:26,606 --> 00:15:29,939
You have to forgive the wrapping.

239
00:15:30,005 --> 00:15:32,303
I lost my temper
when I couldn't get it even.

240
00:15:32,372 --> 00:15:36,001
I can tell. Not exactly a work of art,
but I forgive you.

241
00:15:36,073 --> 00:15:37,438
Open, open.

242
00:15:37,506 --> 00:15:41,101
- I think I know what these are.
- Do you?

243
00:15:41,173 --> 00:15:43,403
These are the earrings from downtown!

244
00:15:43,473 --> 00:15:45,441
I couldn't not get them for you.

245
00:15:45,507 --> 00:15:48,943
You look so good
in those kind of earrings.

246
00:15:49,006 --> 00:15:50,906
Do I?

247
00:15:50,973 --> 00:15:53,032
Beautiful.
Absolutely beautiful.

248
00:15:53,106 --> 00:15:56,633
- Thank you.
- You like them?

249
00:15:56,707 --> 00:16:01,076
You're the only one I've ever dated
who's known exactly what to get me.

250
00:16:01,140 --> 00:16:05,076
It's because you have
a special vision of me.

251
00:16:05,141 --> 00:16:07,905
"No Exit" and "The Flies."
Jean Paul Sartre.

252
00:16:07,974 --> 00:16:10,704
That's amazing. Thank you.

253
00:16:10,774 --> 00:16:12,264
It was between that and O'Neill.

254
00:16:12,341 --> 00:16:15,538
I couldn't decide whose
nihilistic pessimism made you happier.

255
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:18,338
I think it was Tennessee Williams

256
00:16:18,408 --> 00:16:21,866
who said that the opposite of death
is desire.

257
00:16:22,808 --> 00:16:26,145
[Falk:] And I desired you
from the first moment we met.

258
00:16:26,307 --> 00:16:29,799
I could live down here.
It's so beautiful.

259
00:16:29,875 --> 00:16:33,868
It is. It's very pretty.
I don't know about living down here.

260
00:16:33,941 --> 00:16:39,004
I like to visit, but I like to go home
to the Upper East Side.

261
00:16:39,075 --> 00:16:44,103
You wouldn't consider it?
After we get married, move to the Village.

262
00:16:44,175 --> 00:16:48,168
Why is marriage so important?
I Just got out of a marriage.

263
00:16:48,242 --> 00:16:51,643
Just because we get
a signed piece of paper?

264
00:16:51,709 --> 00:16:53,836
You moved in with me.
We're a couple, right?

265
00:16:53,909 --> 00:16:57,970
Yes, we moved in together.
We've been dating over a year now.

266
00:16:58,042 --> 00:17:00,135
I guess I'm old-fashioned.

267
00:17:00,209 --> 00:17:04,202
I know. All your girlfriends
are getting married...

268
00:17:04,276 --> 00:17:07,177
- Falk, what's up?
- Bob, how are you?

269
00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:09,905
Bob, this is Brooke.
Brooke, Bob Stiles.

270
00:17:09,976 --> 00:17:11,705
- How's it going?
- Falk and Brooke.

271
00:17:11,776 --> 00:17:14,745
This is Amanda.
This is Falk.

272
00:17:14,810 --> 00:17:16,539
This is Brooke.

273
00:17:17,810 --> 00:17:19,971
So, what are you guys doing down here?

274
00:17:20,043 --> 00:17:23,137
She Just bought her dad
a ridiculous birthday present.

275
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:27,010
You think it's ridiculous.
I think it's great.

276
00:17:27,077 --> 00:17:29,477
Let them see it.
Maybe I'm wrong.

277
00:17:29,543 --> 00:17:32,808
- Oh, that's a...
- A turn-of-the century stereopticon.

278
00:17:32,877 --> 00:17:34,276
You knew that.

279
00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:38,178
Wait. It's complete
with pornographic slides.

280
00:17:38,244 --> 00:17:41,008
- Isn't it wonderful?
- I think it's brilliant.

281
00:17:41,077 --> 00:17:43,477
[Bob:] Just what he needs,
antique pornography.

282
00:17:43,544 --> 00:17:45,944
I always thought you had
a little yen for your dad.

283
00:17:46,011 --> 00:17:46,943
Ha ha.

284
00:17:47,011 --> 00:17:50,003
Hey! We're going to a great
Indian restaurant tomorrow night.

285
00:17:50,078 --> 00:17:52,376
We want to invite you.
I've hyped you to Amanda.

286
00:17:52,444 --> 00:17:55,174
- You can only disappoint.
- That sounds great.

287
00:17:55,245 --> 00:17:58,339
- Are we busy tomorrow night?
- We're taking my parents out.

288
00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:01,039
But that was tentative, I thought.

289
00:18:01,111 --> 00:18:05,241
- You hate Indian food.
- "Hate." That's a strong word.

290
00:18:05,311 --> 00:18:07,677
I've wanted to give it a second chance

291
00:18:07,745 --> 00:18:11,545
since I realized how much you...
she loves tandoori chicken.

292
00:18:11,612 --> 00:18:15,070
- Come on. It'll be fun.
- I should give it another shot.

293
00:18:15,146 --> 00:18:19,014
What I love about Bogart
is that he's so intensely urban.

294
00:18:19,079 --> 00:18:23,482
The cigarette,
the five o'clock shadow.

295
00:18:23,546 --> 00:18:26,014
Always in some seedy nightclub.

296
00:18:26,079 --> 00:18:30,573
Didn't I say that exact same thing
about Frank Sinatra? Urban.

297
00:18:30,646 --> 00:18:33,706
Exactly. I even used the term.
That's...

298
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,508
Where did you go to school?

299
00:18:35,579 --> 00:18:39,982
Ethical culture. Fieldstone.
Brandeis. But I dropped out.

300
00:18:40,046 --> 00:18:43,607
One of her professors
fell in love with her.

301
00:18:43,679 --> 00:18:46,443
It was terrible.
He was married.

302
00:18:46,513 --> 00:18:50,074
It was way too much pressure
for all of us. His poor wife!

303
00:18:50,147 --> 00:18:54,447
In addition to acting,
she's a very good singer.

304
00:18:54,514 --> 00:18:59,417
I try to sing, but then I hear someone
like Billie Holiday, and forget about it!

305
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:02,347
She's your favorite!

306
00:19:02,413 --> 00:19:05,644
But you can't listen to the CD's, right?
They sterilize the sound.

307
00:19:05,714 --> 00:19:09,480
Didn't I say that?
I absolutely agree with you.

308
00:19:09,547 --> 00:19:12,744
It totally sterilizes...
that's so funny.

309
00:19:12,814 --> 00:19:16,841
Actually, someone told me
about this seedy record store

310
00:19:16,914 --> 00:19:21,283
that has all of her old recordings
on 78s and 33s.

311
00:19:21,348 --> 00:19:25,478
I'd love to know about it.
She is amazing.

312
00:19:26,348 --> 00:19:29,112
It's early.
Let's go to the Village Vanguard.

313
00:19:29,181 --> 00:19:33,345
Diana Krall is playing.
It should be a great show.

314
00:19:33,414 --> 00:19:37,908
I'll get so discouraged,
but I am dying to see her.

315
00:19:37,982 --> 00:19:40,644
- Great.
- You get up so early to write.

316
00:19:40,715 --> 00:19:44,583
Yeah, but I did most of my stuff
for tomorrow, so...

317
00:19:44,649 --> 00:19:47,447
- Should we? What do you...
- Yeah, sure.

318
00:19:47,516 --> 00:19:51,816
(music) Hide your heart from sight

319
00:19:51,883 --> 00:19:55,751
(music) Lock your dreams at night

320
00:19:55,816 --> 00:20:00,219
(music) It could happen to you

321
00:20:02,983 --> 00:20:06,441
(music) Don't count stars
Or you might stumble

322
00:20:10,350 --> 00:20:12,477
(music) Someone drops a sigh

323
00:20:12,550 --> 00:20:17,749
(music) And down you tumble

324
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:22,151
(music) Keep an eye on spring

325
00:20:22,216 --> 00:20:26,346
(music) Run when church bells ring

326
00:20:26,416 --> 00:20:31,786
(music) It could happen to you

327
00:20:33,017 --> 00:20:36,077
She's so moving.

328
00:20:37,684 --> 00:20:41,814
I agree. She's totally moving.

329
00:20:41,885 --> 00:20:45,116
Absolutely.
You've captured her.

330
00:20:48,484 --> 00:20:51,612
[Applause]

331
00:20:53,318 --> 00:20:55,445
What was I saying?

332
00:20:55,518 --> 00:20:58,851
I'd love to take one of those boats
down the Amazon.

333
00:20:58,918 --> 00:21:01,011
It's supposed to be so beautiful.

334
00:21:01,085 --> 00:21:02,712
Not tonight?

335
00:21:04,918 --> 00:21:10,754
Of course not tonight.
I was... that's funny.

336
00:21:10,819 --> 00:21:15,415
But how thrilling that would be.
That would be so thrilling.

337
00:21:15,485 --> 00:21:18,113
You hate heat.
You hate mosquitoes.

338
00:21:18,186 --> 00:21:23,624
I hate malaria. It's malaria, remember?
I don't hate all mosquitoes.

339
00:21:23,685 --> 00:21:27,644
I want to see the parrots
and the giant butterflies.

340
00:21:27,719 --> 00:21:31,416
I've seen pictures in National Geographic.
They're gorgeous!

341
00:21:31,486 --> 00:21:35,479
Giant, huge...
And wild monkeys would be...

342
00:21:35,553 --> 00:21:39,649
Monkeys?
How much have you had to drink?

343
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,415
Do you like snakes?

344
00:21:41,486 --> 00:21:43,454
Do I like snakes?

345
00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:47,616
Some people get queasy around them,
but I think they're beautiful.

346
00:21:47,686 --> 00:21:50,712
The way they move...
it's so sensual.

347
00:21:50,786 --> 00:21:55,246
So sen... I love snakes.
Cobras, for example.

348
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:57,686
- Pythons.
- Naturally. Pythons.

349
00:21:57,754 --> 00:22:00,416
Garters. Rattlesnakes.
I love them all.

350
00:22:00,487 --> 00:22:04,753
- I cannot believe I'm hearing this.
- Oh, please.

351
00:22:04,821 --> 00:22:10,259
I've often said, often, that there's
nothing like a dense Jungle in the rain.

352
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:12,550
- I've said this.
- [Brooke:] You're drunk.

353
00:22:12,621 --> 00:22:14,748
- That's not true.
- Speaking of rain,

354
00:22:14,821 --> 00:22:17,085
there's supposed to be
a hurricane tonight.

355
00:22:17,155 --> 00:22:19,783
We should rent a car
and drive to the Hamptons.

356
00:22:19,854 --> 00:22:22,721
- We could walk on the beach...
- He hates the Hamptons.

357
00:22:22,787 --> 00:22:24,812
Nobody hates the ocean.

358
00:22:24,888 --> 00:22:29,985
She's up for anything.
It's too late for me. I can't.

359
00:22:30,054 --> 00:22:32,989
Don't you have an audition tomorrow?

360
00:22:33,055 --> 00:22:36,923
"My candle burns at both ends,
it will not last the night."

361
00:22:36,989 --> 00:22:41,050
Millay! Edna Millay!
She's my favorite poet!

362
00:22:41,122 --> 00:22:44,683
Don't I quote her all the time?
Edna Millay...

363
00:22:46,256 --> 00:22:48,349
Amanda's pretty, isn't she?

364
00:22:50,089 --> 00:22:53,786
- She's okay, I suppose.
- You're drunk.

365
00:22:53,856 --> 00:22:56,017
I was looking at her face
in the candlelight

366
00:22:56,089 --> 00:23:00,958
and she has this offbeat sexual quality.

367
00:23:01,023 --> 00:23:04,288
Yeah, I guess.
Lf, uh, you know,

368
00:23:04,357 --> 00:23:07,849
if you find that crippling sense

369
00:23:07,923 --> 00:23:12,257
of passionate heat
behind those big eyes sexy.

370
00:23:12,323 --> 00:23:14,382
- Huh?
- Hmm?

371
00:23:14,457 --> 00:23:17,426
- Nothing.
- Bob's crazy about her.

372
00:23:17,490 --> 00:23:20,459
I got the whole story while you were
in the men's room throwing up.

373
00:23:20,524 --> 00:23:23,049
I'm fine.
Believe me, I'm okay.

374
00:23:23,123 --> 00:23:26,320
She moved in with him
and I get the feeling

375
00:23:26,390 --> 00:23:28,915
he is dying to marry her.

376
00:23:28,991 --> 00:23:32,290
- Oh, yeah?
- They make a nice couple.

377
00:23:32,358 --> 00:23:35,054
He's charming and very attractive.

378
00:23:35,124 --> 00:23:36,921
Are you okay?

379
00:23:36,991 --> 00:23:39,551
Yeah.

380
00:23:56,326 --> 00:23:59,727
Amanda? Hey, it's Jerry Falk.

381
00:23:59,792 --> 00:24:01,487
Good, good. You?

382
00:24:01,559 --> 00:24:06,496
Listen, I was Just about to go to
this old record store I found out about.

383
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:10,257
I know you were interested
in picking up some Billie Holiday.

384
00:24:10,326 --> 00:24:15,320
I'm actually vaguely near your house,
so I thought that, um...

385
00:24:15,393 --> 00:24:18,692
I mean, if you and Bob are busy...

386
00:24:20,393 --> 00:24:25,854
Right. Of course. He would be at work.
What was I thinking?

387
00:24:25,927 --> 00:24:30,762
I could be there pretty soon.
Maybe, say, three minutes?

388
00:24:30,826 --> 00:24:34,956
Great. I'll meet you in front
of your place. Bye.

389
00:25:23,862 --> 00:25:25,489
These are great.

390
00:25:25,563 --> 00:25:30,091
Let me get you this Diana Krall record
as a present

391
00:25:30,162 --> 00:25:33,654
since I know how big of a fan you are.

392
00:25:33,729 --> 00:25:36,527
- Wasn't she great the other night?
- So great.

393
00:25:36,596 --> 00:25:39,895
I love that you appreciate old songs.
They're so pretty.

394
00:25:39,963 --> 00:25:42,397
I'd love to hear you sing sometime.

395
00:25:42,462 --> 00:25:45,898
I can't sing publicly.
I'm too fat.

396
00:25:45,963 --> 00:25:50,662
- Fat? I'm sorry. Did you say fat?
- But I have these great diet pills.

397
00:25:50,730 --> 00:25:54,860
They take away your appetite,
but increase your sexual drive.

398
00:25:56,931 --> 00:25:59,661
Is that how you met Bob?

399
00:25:59,730 --> 00:26:02,062
From his record company?

400
00:26:02,131 --> 00:26:05,066
No. He picked me up
in Central Park, actually.

401
00:26:05,131 --> 00:26:06,689
Oh, how funny.

402
00:26:06,764 --> 00:26:10,894
And you guys got...
seriously involved?

403
00:26:10,964 --> 00:26:14,297
No. He'd like to, but...

404
00:26:14,364 --> 00:26:16,423
I can't commit.

405
00:26:16,498 --> 00:26:18,625
I have a problem with commitment.

406
00:26:18,698 --> 00:26:23,192
I dream of meeting someone
who I'll want to give myself over to,

407
00:26:23,264 --> 00:26:25,892
where I'd be the one
hurt in the end.

408
00:26:25,965 --> 00:26:29,901
But it hasn't happened yet. You?

409
00:26:29,965 --> 00:26:31,364
Me neither.

410
00:26:31,431 --> 00:26:35,162
Um, unfortunately, same here.

411
00:26:35,232 --> 00:26:39,532
Brooke and I are in
the last stages, basically.

412
00:26:39,599 --> 00:26:41,123
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.

413
00:26:41,199 --> 00:26:44,293
- She didn't give me that impression.
- She didn't?

414
00:26:44,365 --> 00:26:49,860
Well, that's strange, because that's
the only impression to give, really.

415
00:26:49,933 --> 00:26:53,596
Oh! Look at this, uh, record.
Cole Porter.

416
00:26:53,666 --> 00:26:57,830
This is a fantas...
really pretty songs on here.

417
00:26:57,899 --> 00:27:01,767
Let me get you this as a little present.
Can I do that?

418
00:27:01,832 --> 00:27:06,360
I was actually listening to this last night,
and I thought of you.

419
00:27:07,500 --> 00:27:10,367
You were listening to Cole Porter
and thought of me?

420
00:27:11,700 --> 00:27:14,134
You must really have a crush on me.

421
00:27:14,934 --> 00:27:17,232
I do?

422
00:27:17,300 --> 00:27:19,598
I'd say it's fatal.

423
00:27:31,034 --> 00:27:34,629
I'm sorry.
I, uh... I couldn't resist.

424
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:38,633
Don't apologize.
I wanted you to.

425
00:27:38,701 --> 00:27:40,601
You did?

426
00:27:40,668 --> 00:27:43,865
Yes. I've had a crush on you
since we met.

427
00:27:43,935 --> 00:27:47,427
Couldn't you tell,
the way I was ignoring you?

428
00:27:47,501 --> 00:27:53,371
Well, there was something
compelling about your apathy.

429
00:27:53,435 --> 00:28:00,102
I thought you were sweet
and sensitive and vulnerable.

430
00:28:00,168 --> 00:28:02,534
And I could tell you liked me, too.

431
00:28:05,869 --> 00:28:08,394
I can't believe
I'm in love with a smoker.

432
00:28:09,735 --> 00:28:12,397
I don't want anyone to get hurt.

433
00:28:15,835 --> 00:28:18,804
Where were you?
It's 10:00.

434
00:28:18,869 --> 00:28:22,930
Where?
Well, um, I had a meeting to go to.

435
00:28:23,002 --> 00:28:25,129
- You smell from alcohol.
- I do?

436
00:28:25,203 --> 00:28:27,728
My God, your tongue is black!

437
00:28:27,802 --> 00:28:30,134
It is? Well, um...

438
00:28:30,203 --> 00:28:32,728
that's because I had some wine.

439
00:28:32,803 --> 00:28:35,135
Wine? Why?
It's not Passover.

440
00:28:35,203 --> 00:28:39,264
No. Uh, to celebrate.
Uh, the deal.

441
00:28:39,336 --> 00:28:40,826
What deal?

442
00:28:40,903 --> 00:28:45,067
I have to tell you, um, it looks like
I have a great opportunity

443
00:28:45,137 --> 00:28:47,605
to work for, for, um, a very,

444
00:28:47,670 --> 00:28:50,434
very funny, uh, puppet.

445
00:28:50,504 --> 00:28:53,564
It's, uh... remember I...

446
00:28:53,637 --> 00:28:56,003
Is this a woman's hair?

447
00:29:01,237 --> 00:29:04,968
Is this...
is this a woman's hair?

448
00:29:05,038 --> 00:29:09,134
I mean, it could be...

449
00:29:09,205 --> 00:29:11,503
I suppose.

450
00:29:11,571 --> 00:29:13,732
Possibly from, uh, the taxi.

451
00:29:13,804 --> 00:29:17,968
It was... I mean, I think, you know,
all the people in and out,

452
00:29:18,038 --> 00:29:20,632
I probably sat up in...

453
00:29:20,705 --> 00:29:24,266
I guess, the woman's hair.
I am exhausted.

454
00:29:24,338 --> 00:29:27,466
She asked me if I still love her.
What could I say?

455
00:29:27,538 --> 00:29:31,235
Why can't I tell her the truth?
I'm in love with Amanda.

456
00:29:31,305 --> 00:29:34,968
Why can't I tell her it's over?
Why can't I leave people?

457
00:29:35,039 --> 00:29:36,734
Tell me about your dream.

458
00:29:36,805 --> 00:29:39,433
The Cleveland Indians got jobs
at Toys R Us?

459
00:29:39,506 --> 00:29:41,974
Yeah. So what can it possibly mean?

460
00:29:42,039 --> 00:29:46,442
Look, I can't keep wasting my hour here
describing lunatic dreams.

461
00:29:46,506 --> 00:29:49,134
I have a date with Amanda.

462
00:29:49,206 --> 00:29:52,801
I can't keep running around town
on the sly and live like this.

463
00:29:52,873 --> 00:29:55,842
Amanda can handle it,
but I need help.

464
00:29:55,906 --> 00:29:59,899
What do I do? I have to
extricate myself from Brooke.

465
00:29:59,973 --> 00:30:03,033
It'll break her heart.
She wants to marry me!

466
00:30:06,873 --> 00:30:09,899
The guy will not talk.
I've been with him for three years.

467
00:30:09,973 --> 00:30:12,305
What comes to mind
about the Cleveland Indians?

468
00:30:12,373 --> 00:30:15,467
See? This is what I get.
I need a course of action,

469
00:30:15,540 --> 00:30:20,807
and he wants me to free-associate
about the Cleveland Indians.

470
00:30:20,874 --> 00:30:25,106
[Amanda:] I love doing it in hotels.
It's so illicit.

471
00:30:25,174 --> 00:30:29,372
Check yourself for shoulder-length hairs
in hard-to-Justify locations.

472
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:32,932
I have to decide how to
let Brooke down gracefully.

473
00:30:33,007 --> 00:30:36,966
There's no rush.
I've been the other woman before.

474
00:30:37,041 --> 00:30:39,407
Bob wasn't upset when you told him?

475
00:30:39,474 --> 00:30:43,843
He was disappointed.
But I was honest about myself going in.

476
00:30:43,908 --> 00:30:47,844
Naturally, I didn't tell him
it was you I was in love with.

477
00:30:51,875 --> 00:30:52,967
Brooke...

478
00:30:53,042 --> 00:30:55,840
Don't give me that!
I don't believe you!

479
00:30:55,908 --> 00:31:00,004
Those are bite marks on your back.
You didn't fall on your comb!

480
00:31:01,510 --> 00:31:04,479
What are you thinking about?

481
00:31:04,543 --> 00:31:06,033
Everything.

482
00:31:06,109 --> 00:31:10,341
When we first met,
when Brooke found out.

483
00:31:10,409 --> 00:31:16,405
Remember that? Or when we checked
into that hotel as S. And Z. Fitzgerald.

484
00:31:16,476 --> 00:31:20,207
Or how we made love everywhere.
God, everywhere.

485
00:31:20,277 --> 00:31:23,542
When I think of all the risky places

486
00:31:23,610 --> 00:31:27,637
that lust overcame the two of us,
it blows my mind.

487
00:31:27,710 --> 00:31:30,577
You know Fireside Memorial Chapel
is a McDonald's now?

488
00:31:30,644 --> 00:31:34,375
Fascinating.

489
00:31:50,445 --> 00:31:52,037
Don't.

490
00:31:52,111 --> 00:31:53,544
- Why not?
- I can't.

491
00:31:53,612 --> 00:31:56,513
What do you mean?
It's not natural.

492
00:31:56,578 --> 00:31:58,443
We never sleep with each other.

493
00:31:58,512 --> 00:32:01,174
I told you I'm going
through a rough patch.

494
00:32:01,245 --> 00:32:04,112
I'll say.
It's been six months!

495
00:32:04,178 --> 00:32:06,203
I said you could sleep
with other women.

496
00:32:06,278 --> 00:32:08,940
I don't love other women.

497
00:32:09,012 --> 00:32:11,537
I don't want to sleep
with other women. I love you.

498
00:32:11,612 --> 00:32:14,945
What did I do to turn you off?
I don't get it.

499
00:32:15,012 --> 00:32:18,743
Nothing. You did nothing.
It's always about you.

500
00:32:18,812 --> 00:32:21,610
- You have such an ego.
- An ego?

501
00:32:21,679 --> 00:32:26,139
What do you want me to do?
Grit my teeth, close my eyes,

502
00:32:26,212 --> 00:32:28,407
hold myself stiff
and let you do it to me?

503
00:32:28,479 --> 00:32:33,280
It's getting to the point
where I may settle for that.

504
00:32:33,346 --> 00:32:36,645
Sometimes I think it's because
you remind me of my father.

505
00:32:36,713 --> 00:32:41,741
You once told me you thought your father
was sexually attractive.

506
00:32:41,813 --> 00:32:44,407
That's not the part of him
you remind me of.

507
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:47,847
It's not?
What is it, then?

508
00:32:47,913 --> 00:32:50,507
You know, his professional manner.

509
00:32:50,580 --> 00:32:53,879
Sweet and supportive.

510
00:32:53,947 --> 00:32:59,852
Gee, I'm sorry I have so many
turn-off qualities. I didn't realize.

511
00:33:04,780 --> 00:33:09,342
Sleep with other women.
Just don't tell me about it.

512
00:33:09,414 --> 00:33:12,349
- Do you love me?
- What a question!

513
00:33:12,414 --> 00:33:15,542
Just because I pull away
when you touch me?

514
00:33:16,881 --> 00:33:19,441
[Dobel:] "Just because I pull away
when you touch me?"

515
00:33:19,515 --> 00:33:23,679
- Falk, give me a break.
- She said it was temporary.

516
00:33:23,748 --> 00:33:27,343
Meanwhile, you haven't consummated
your passion for her in six months!

517
00:33:27,414 --> 00:33:34,115
It's unbelievable! I have a theory
that too much rejection causes cancer.

518
00:33:34,182 --> 00:33:36,412
She encourages me
to sleep with other women.

519
00:33:36,482 --> 00:33:38,575
Well, do it! For God's sakes!

520
00:33:38,649 --> 00:33:43,109
There must be a million women who'd
be excited to get into bed with you.

521
00:33:43,182 --> 00:33:44,615
Maybe not a million,

522
00:33:44,682 --> 00:33:47,549
but I'm sure you could find one,
if you got her drunk enough.

523
00:33:47,616 --> 00:33:51,450
It doesn't matter.
I have no interest in other women.

524
00:33:51,516 --> 00:33:56,818
- See, even my first wife was...
- Wife? You were married?

525
00:33:56,883 --> 00:34:00,341
A bitter story.
I was very young.

526
00:34:00,416 --> 00:34:03,681
I should have known something
was wrong on the wedding night

527
00:34:03,749 --> 00:34:09,688
when her family danced around my table
chanting, "We will make him one of us!"

528
00:34:09,750 --> 00:34:14,119
Oh, boy! I had a rough day.

529
00:34:14,183 --> 00:34:18,711
I got up, put on a shirt
and the button came off.

530
00:34:18,783 --> 00:34:23,311
Then I went to the car to open the door,
and the handle came off.

531
00:34:23,384 --> 00:34:26,251
Now I'm afraid
to go to the bathroom.

532
00:34:28,584 --> 00:34:32,680
What did you do?
I wanted to grab the check.

533
00:34:32,751 --> 00:34:35,481
- No, you didn't.
- What do you mean? I did.

534
00:34:35,551 --> 00:34:37,576
I was grabbing the check.

535
00:34:37,651 --> 00:34:41,052
Never trust a guy
who fumbles for the check.

536
00:34:41,117 --> 00:34:43,244
He who wants to get the check,
gets it.

537
00:34:43,317 --> 00:34:47,651
As you go through life, when you
really want to get the check, you will.

538
00:34:47,718 --> 00:34:50,585
- Well, I was planning on getting it.
- Let me ask you...

539
00:34:50,651 --> 00:34:52,642
Did you hear what that guy said?

540
00:34:52,718 --> 00:34:56,347
Three people were coming in
as we were leaving.

541
00:34:56,418 --> 00:34:58,443
The swarthy guy?

542
00:34:58,519 --> 00:35:01,716
Yeah. Dark.
There were two guys and a girl.

543
00:35:01,785 --> 00:35:03,844
- I didn't hear him.
- He looked at us,

544
00:35:03,919 --> 00:35:07,912
and said to the other guy:
"Jews start all wars."

545
00:35:07,986 --> 00:35:09,146
- Did you hear that?
- No!

546
00:35:09,218 --> 00:35:14,554
Yes, absolutely. He presumably
said it to her or the guy with them,

547
00:35:14,619 --> 00:35:18,953
but it was really for our benefit.
"Jews start all wars."

548
00:35:19,019 --> 00:35:24,924
I don't think it was for my benefit
because I didn't hear anything.

549
00:35:24,986 --> 00:35:28,285
I know who you're talking about.
I saw this trio,

550
00:35:28,353 --> 00:35:31,550
but I didn't hear anything
and I have pretty good hearing.

551
00:35:31,720 --> 00:35:36,054
Because you were obsessed with
the physically prepossessing waitresses

552
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:38,111
running around.

553
00:35:38,187 --> 00:35:41,213
Let me tell you, Falk.
We live in perilous times.

554
00:35:41,287 --> 00:35:43,847
You got to keep alert for these things.

555
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:47,356
You don't want your life to wind up
as black-and-white newsreel footage

556
00:35:47,420 --> 00:35:52,414
scored by a cello in a minor key.

557
00:35:55,554 --> 00:35:57,647
- Hey.
- Hi.

558
00:35:57,721 --> 00:36:00,554
- How are you?
- Good. How was the comedian?

559
00:36:00,621 --> 00:36:03,215
It's exactly like Dobel says.

560
00:36:03,287 --> 00:36:07,314
There is truly a paucity
of veridical talent in the world.

561
00:36:07,388 --> 00:36:09,219
When will I meet this polymath?

562
00:36:09,288 --> 00:36:12,257
He is unbelievable.
He's read everything.

563
00:36:12,321 --> 00:36:15,984
He plays music.
He paints, or so he claims.

564
00:36:16,054 --> 00:36:18,352
I've read some of his poems...
all morbid!

565
00:36:18,421 --> 00:36:21,948
Cancer and shock treatments
and gas chambers.

566
00:36:22,021 --> 00:36:27,323
And his vocabulary is astounding.
You can't get the guy on a word.

567
00:36:27,388 --> 00:36:30,016
It's rare you're so taken with somebody.

568
00:36:30,089 --> 00:36:31,249
Hey, Mrs. Chase.

569
00:36:31,321 --> 00:36:34,290
I told you not to call me Mrs. Chase!
My name is Paula!

570
00:36:34,356 --> 00:36:38,952
Mrs. Chase makes me sound ancient.
My life isn't over yet.

571
00:36:39,022 --> 00:36:41,855
- In fact, I'm Just starting to live it.
- Definitely, Paula.

572
00:36:41,922 --> 00:36:43,981
And I need some help from you.

573
00:36:44,055 --> 00:36:47,582
Mom, could you talk about this tomorrow?
It's late.

574
00:36:47,656 --> 00:36:51,285
What, are we six years old?
It's past our bedtime?

575
00:36:51,356 --> 00:36:53,790
It's okay. It's only 1:30.

576
00:36:53,856 --> 00:36:57,917
I decided to put some songs together
and do a nightclub act.

577
00:36:57,990 --> 00:37:02,723
Mother, the scene has really changed
in the past 25 years.

578
00:37:02,789 --> 00:37:06,020
- Why are you so discouraging?
- I'm not. I'm realistic.

579
00:37:06,090 --> 00:37:08,285
I don't want you to get hurt.

580
00:37:08,357 --> 00:37:10,222
How? I could always sing.

581
00:37:10,290 --> 00:37:13,350
Of course you can sing.
I'm not saying that.

582
00:37:13,423 --> 00:37:17,120
But things change.
Styles, the cabaret business...

583
00:37:17,190 --> 00:37:20,182
Can't you be more supportive?
You're so competitive!

584
00:37:20,257 --> 00:37:23,055
I am not!
I hate my voice!

585
00:37:23,124 --> 00:37:26,116
[Falk:] Please.
You both have very good voices.

586
00:37:26,191 --> 00:37:29,285
I thought I'd put a few songs together

587
00:37:29,358 --> 00:37:32,327
and you could write
between-the-songs talk for me.

588
00:37:32,391 --> 00:37:36,623
- I've never done that sort of thing.
- Just some banter. Not Jokes.

589
00:37:36,691 --> 00:37:39,888
I couldn't tell a Joke if my life
depended on it. Just some chit-chat.

590
00:37:39,957 --> 00:37:42,983
The truth is,
I'm kind of snowed under right now...

591
00:37:43,058 --> 00:37:46,994
Oh, God!
Is nobody on my side?

592
00:37:47,058 --> 00:37:51,085
Jerry, you could do it.
This stuff comes so easily to you.

593
00:37:51,158 --> 00:37:53,922
- You Just said this is a fool's errand.
- What did you call me?

594
00:37:53,992 --> 00:37:56,620
It's an expression.

595
00:37:56,691 --> 00:38:01,685
I know. I tried to dissuade her,
but she won't listen to me.

596
00:38:01,759 --> 00:38:05,490
I'm trying to finish my book.
These comics are pressing me.

597
00:38:05,559 --> 00:38:09,051
- I've taken deposits from them.
- Oh, forget I even asked.

598
00:38:09,125 --> 00:38:11,719
Okay. I never said I wouldn't do it.

599
00:38:11,792 --> 00:38:13,987
I Just have to fit it in.

600
00:38:14,059 --> 00:38:16,550
It won't be arduous!
I have lots of ideas!

601
00:38:16,626 --> 00:38:18,787
I'm even having a piano delivered!

602
00:38:18,859 --> 00:38:21,293
- [Falk:] Here?
- It's a rental.

603
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:24,818
- I had to rehearse!
- There's no room for a piano.

604
00:38:24,893 --> 00:38:27,418
Because you don't maximize your space!

605
00:38:27,493 --> 00:38:30,724
I was an interior decorator.
Tell him, Amanda.

606
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:37,329
I know this is a real pain,
but it's temporary.

607
00:38:37,393 --> 00:38:39,520
You mean like our lovemaking?

608
00:38:39,593 --> 00:38:41,993
Could you not be gross?

609
00:38:44,194 --> 00:38:48,062
[Falk:] As the days passed,
Dobel and I got closer and closer.

610
00:38:48,127 --> 00:38:51,528
After he finished school,
we'd meet in Central Park.

611
00:38:51,594 --> 00:38:54,392
He'd usually expound on something.

612
00:38:54,460 --> 00:38:57,088
[Dobel:] You think quantum physics
has the answer?

613
00:38:57,160 --> 00:39:01,290
I mean, what purpose
does it serve for me

614
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:04,625
that time and space
are exactly the same thing?

615
00:39:04,694 --> 00:39:08,186
I ask a guy what time it is,
he tells me six miles?

616
00:39:08,261 --> 00:39:09,694
What the hell is that?

617
00:39:09,761 --> 00:39:15,028
Falk, if a guy comes out onstage
at Carnegie Hall and throws up,

618
00:39:15,094 --> 00:39:18,791
you can always find some people
who will call it art.

619
00:39:18,861 --> 00:39:21,887
Years ago, a very wonderful comedy writer

620
00:39:21,961 --> 00:39:27,763
wrote a very funny book
with a really deep and meaningful title.

621
00:39:27,828 --> 00:39:31,662
It was called
"Never Trust A Naked Bus Driver."

622
00:39:32,562 --> 00:39:35,326
You would be amazed how many people

623
00:39:35,395 --> 00:39:39,229
do exactly that, and worse.

624
00:39:39,296 --> 00:39:42,060
- [Dobel:] Do you masturbate, Falk?
- What?

625
00:39:42,129 --> 00:39:46,589
I mean, given the circumstances
of your sex life, I would think...

626
00:39:46,663 --> 00:39:49,564
This is not... stop squirming.

627
00:39:49,629 --> 00:39:53,565
I'm not. I don't know.
Now and then, I guess.

628
00:39:53,629 --> 00:39:56,189
When is now and then?
On Easter and Purim?

629
00:39:56,262 --> 00:39:58,025
I don't really enjoy it.

630
00:39:58,096 --> 00:40:00,257
Are you doing it right?
Does your hand fall asleep?

631
00:40:00,329 --> 00:40:04,265
I happen to think it's
a poor substitute for the real thing.

632
00:40:04,330 --> 00:40:06,992
Really? I prefer it to the real thing.

633
00:40:07,063 --> 00:40:09,088
Last night, I was home by myself

634
00:40:09,163 --> 00:40:16,069
and I conjured up a threesome with me,
Marilyn Monroe and Sophia Loren.

635
00:40:16,130 --> 00:40:19,395
It was very erotic.

636
00:40:19,463 --> 00:40:21,829
In fact, if I'm not mistaken,
it was the first time

637
00:40:21,897 --> 00:40:24,695
those two great actresses
ever appeared in anything together.

638
00:40:24,764 --> 00:40:29,201
- It sounds nice, but...
- The only reason I ask

639
00:40:29,264 --> 00:40:32,529
is because I think
that as you go through life,

640
00:40:32,597 --> 00:40:35,623
you learn to depend only on yourself.

641
00:40:35,697 --> 00:40:39,497
You know?
Do you own a firearm?

642
00:40:39,565 --> 00:40:41,192
A gun?

643
00:40:41,264 --> 00:40:43,630
A gun qualifies as a firearm, yes.

644
00:40:43,698 --> 00:40:46,223
- No. Why would I?
- For self-defense.

645
00:40:46,298 --> 00:40:48,960
Against who?

646
00:40:49,032 --> 00:40:51,364
Against those who conspire to harm you.

647
00:40:51,431 --> 00:40:52,625
Harm me?

648
00:40:52,698 --> 00:40:58,466
Don't ask what you did to deserve it.
I mean, God, read Auden.

649
00:40:58,532 --> 00:41:04,869
You know, come with me to New Jersey.

650
00:41:07,633 --> 00:41:12,400
Falk, I took the liberty a few weeks ago
of ordering you a little present.

651
00:41:12,466 --> 00:41:13,660
What?

652
00:41:13,733 --> 00:41:18,227
They're having a sale here
on surplus Russian army rifles.

653
00:41:18,300 --> 00:41:19,790
What?

654
00:41:19,866 --> 00:41:24,235
Suppose you're home one night
in bed, masturbating,

655
00:41:24,300 --> 00:41:27,701
and some guys break in.
You need protection.

656
00:41:27,766 --> 00:41:30,360
I'd dial 911.
I don't need a rifle.

657
00:41:30,433 --> 00:41:33,425
Have you ever dialed 911?
It's like trying to get a mortgage.

658
00:41:33,500 --> 00:41:35,730
Come on.

659
00:41:37,333 --> 00:41:41,360
I don't need a rifle. I'll probably
wind up blowing my foot off.

660
00:41:41,433 --> 00:41:44,061
What is wrong with you?
Are you such a maladroit

661
00:41:44,134 --> 00:41:49,071
you can't keep a firearm without
discharging it adventitiously?

662
00:41:49,134 --> 00:41:51,625
- I don't need a weapon.
- Everybody needs a weapon.

663
00:41:51,700 --> 00:41:52,894
What does that mean?

664
00:41:52,967 --> 00:41:55,663
It means the day will come
when you wish you had one.

665
00:41:55,735 --> 00:41:57,225
Why exactly?

666
00:41:57,301 --> 00:42:00,566
Why?
So they don't put you in a boxcar.

667
00:42:00,635 --> 00:42:02,899
I want to get you some of this stuff, too.

668
00:42:02,968 --> 00:42:06,267
- What for?
- So you can build a survival kit.

669
00:42:06,334 --> 00:42:09,826
I have a perfect survival kit.
I've been working on it for years.

670
00:42:09,902 --> 00:42:12,132
Last week I got some great fishhooks,

671
00:42:12,202 --> 00:42:15,899
and a waterproof matchbox that floats.

672
00:42:15,968 --> 00:42:18,937
What are you preparing for,
the end of civilization?

673
00:42:19,002 --> 00:42:23,098
I have to know if I'm alone in the wilds,
I can survive by myself.

674
00:42:23,168 --> 00:42:24,692
Dobel, you're a madman.

675
00:42:24,769 --> 00:42:27,260
That's what they said in Germany.

676
00:42:27,335 --> 00:42:31,203
There were actually groups
in Germany called "Jews for Hitler."

677
00:42:31,269 --> 00:42:35,399
They were deluded.
They thought he'd be good for the country.

678
00:42:35,469 --> 00:42:39,803
Never trust a naked bus driver.

679
00:42:39,869 --> 00:42:42,929
By the time I got out of bed
and loaded it,

680
00:42:43,003 --> 00:42:46,564
- the damage would be done.
- That's why you keep it loaded.

681
00:42:46,637 --> 00:42:48,901
I should keep a loaded gun in the house?

682
00:42:48,969 --> 00:42:51,995
Why would you keep
an unloaded weapon in the house?

683
00:42:52,069 --> 00:42:53,832
Do you keep a loaded gun in the house?

684
00:42:53,904 --> 00:42:57,840
I have a loaded weapon
in my house within reach.

685
00:42:57,904 --> 00:43:01,533
Within reach, Falk.
In every room.

686
00:43:01,603 --> 00:43:03,696
Just how crazy are you?
Is there more?

687
00:43:03,770 --> 00:43:07,069
Do you hear voices on the radio
or worship snakes?

688
00:43:07,137 --> 00:43:12,404
You are a member of one of the most
persecuted minorities in history.

689
00:43:12,471 --> 00:43:15,736
The rifle's on me.
Let me handle this.

690
00:43:16,804 --> 00:43:19,932
This makes me nervous.
I've never owned a weapon.

691
00:43:20,004 --> 00:43:23,963
You have to learn to take it apart
and put it together blindfolded.

692
00:43:24,038 --> 00:43:26,199
You may have to do it in the dark.

693
00:43:26,271 --> 00:43:28,967
You expecting Nazis and a blackout?

694
00:43:29,038 --> 00:43:33,407
Incidentally, while you were rummaging
around the store in an aimless stupor,

695
00:43:33,472 --> 00:43:36,373
I got you a couple of items.

696
00:43:36,438 --> 00:43:39,339
I got you a flashlight that floats

697
00:43:39,405 --> 00:43:41,498
if you drop it in the ocean
for any reason.

698
00:43:41,572 --> 00:43:44,200
When the hell am I near the ocean?

699
00:43:44,272 --> 00:43:49,209
I want you to build a survival kit.
I got you a compass, a...

700
00:43:49,272 --> 00:43:52,730
I live in Manhattan.
Why would I need a compass?

701
00:43:52,805 --> 00:43:56,138
This flare gun.
I got you some snakebite stuff,

702
00:43:56,206 --> 00:43:59,300
fishhooks, water-purifying tablets.

703
00:43:59,373 --> 00:44:02,536
This all sounds a little excessive to me.

704
00:44:02,606 --> 00:44:04,972
And don't pull the trigger.

705
00:44:05,039 --> 00:44:07,439
Squeeze it. Squeeze the trigger.

706
00:44:07,506 --> 00:44:09,804
That's right.
Just take aim and squeeze...

707
00:44:09,873 --> 00:44:11,204
[gun clicking]

708
00:44:11,273 --> 00:44:14,242
Sorry! Sorry, sorry!
It's empty.

709
00:44:14,306 --> 00:44:18,174
Dobel was showing me how to use a rifle.
We were practicing.

710
00:44:18,239 --> 00:44:21,504
- Why?
- Why? Well, it's for protection.

711
00:44:21,573 --> 00:44:24,440
- From who?
- What do you mean, from who?

712
00:44:24,506 --> 00:44:26,337
- Dobel, tell her.
- I'm Dobel.

713
00:44:26,407 --> 00:44:30,104
Hi.
Who do you need protection from?

714
00:44:30,173 --> 00:44:32,937
Burglars, rapists, the Gestapo.

715
00:44:33,007 --> 00:44:35,669
It was my idea that,
given the tensions in the world,

716
00:44:35,741 --> 00:44:37,732
perhaps it would be prudent

717
00:44:37,807 --> 00:44:41,675
for young Falk to own
a means of self-defense.

718
00:44:41,741 --> 00:44:45,575
Have you had a mental breakdown?
You and a rifle?

719
00:44:45,641 --> 00:44:48,405
- I know it seems weird.
- What's this stuff?

720
00:44:48,474 --> 00:44:53,707
This is all very important.
These are water-purifying tablets

721
00:44:53,774 --> 00:44:56,072
and that's a flashlight that floats.

722
00:44:56,141 --> 00:44:59,042
Let's say you drop it in the ocean.
It floats.

723
00:44:59,108 --> 00:45:01,167
Are you Joining the Boy Scouts?

724
00:45:01,241 --> 00:45:03,835
- It's all very necessary.
- Are these bullets?

725
00:45:03,909 --> 00:45:08,346
They're called rounds. Right?
Jump in here at any point.

726
00:45:08,408 --> 00:45:11,605
Falk, I don't mean to incite
domestic strife here.

727
00:45:11,675 --> 00:45:16,169
Amanda, it's all very safe.
See what happens...

728
00:45:16,242 --> 00:45:18,472
what I do is take a pliers

729
00:45:18,541 --> 00:45:22,875
and I remove the lead part
from the shell. You see?

730
00:45:22,942 --> 00:45:26,605
Then I have the empty...
empty shell. Okay?

731
00:45:26,676 --> 00:45:31,170
And what I do is I put this now
in the breech

732
00:45:31,242 --> 00:45:32,937
in the rifle, okay?

733
00:45:33,010 --> 00:45:36,446
So then if a shot's taken,
it won't really fire.

734
00:45:36,509 --> 00:45:38,909
Not until the second round
goes into the breech.

735
00:45:38,976 --> 00:45:40,739
The chamber!
The chamber, Falk!

736
00:45:40,809 --> 00:45:42,834
Into the chamber.

737
00:45:42,910 --> 00:45:46,744
I am not living in the house
with a loaded rifle.

738
00:45:46,809 --> 00:45:50,506
You don't trust me to keep a firearm
without hurting anyone?

739
00:45:50,577 --> 00:45:52,875
- Am I an imbecile?
- Is that a trick question?

740
00:45:52,943 --> 00:45:56,174
Dobel, would you say something?

741
00:45:56,243 --> 00:46:00,543
It's his feeling that as the economy slumps,
crime rises, okay?

742
00:46:00,610 --> 00:46:04,876
And rape... rape has risen.
Statistically speaking, rape has gone up.

743
00:46:04,944 --> 00:46:09,176
And he's not convinced that
the slaughter of six million Jews

744
00:46:09,244 --> 00:46:12,907
is enough to satisfy the anti-Semitic
impulses of the majority of the world.

745
00:46:12,977 --> 00:46:16,105
- You said this.
- He's paraphrasing.

746
00:46:16,177 --> 00:46:18,236
I put it more succinctly when I...

747
00:46:18,311 --> 00:46:19,573
[door closing]
Oh!

748
00:46:19,645 --> 00:46:24,048
Don't worry, Mother.
It's not loaded.

749
00:46:24,111 --> 00:46:27,080
- [Paula:] What's happening?
- I bought a rifle.

750
00:46:27,145 --> 00:46:30,706
A rifle?! I'm not living
in a house with a rifle!

751
00:46:30,778 --> 00:46:35,306
- Don't worry, Mom. It's leaving.
- No, it's not. It's not leaving.

752
00:46:35,379 --> 00:46:38,542
Perhaps we should rethink
the concept of self-defense.

753
00:46:38,611 --> 00:46:41,580
Mrs. Chase, is it unreasonable
to own a fire extinguisher,

754
00:46:41,646 --> 00:46:43,341
though you'll probably never use it?

755
00:46:43,412 --> 00:46:47,439
Stop calling me Mrs. Chase!
My name is Paula!

756
00:46:47,512 --> 00:46:50,208
I'm not your goddamn schoolteacher!

757
00:46:50,279 --> 00:46:54,648
Falk, urgent business in Tierra Del Fuego
requires my presence,

758
00:46:54,712 --> 00:46:55,872
so I'll be leaving.

759
00:46:55,946 --> 00:46:59,404
Sir, would you mind
helping me shift this piano?

760
00:46:59,479 --> 00:47:01,470
- Me?
- Mother, he's a guest.

761
00:47:01,545 --> 00:47:03,979
Would you take these when you go?
[Phone ringing]

762
00:47:04,046 --> 00:47:07,379
I don't care who he is.
This room isn't right.

763
00:47:07,446 --> 00:47:09,641
That's because it's too crowded.
[Phone ringing]

764
00:47:09,713 --> 00:47:12,511
Meaning what?
You want me on a park bench?

765
00:47:12,580 --> 00:47:15,981
Don't be so dramatic.
All I want out is this stupid rifle.

766
00:47:16,046 --> 00:47:18,276
Are you going to help me?

767
00:47:18,346 --> 00:47:20,940
I live to serve.
Make your wishes known.

768
00:47:21,014 --> 00:47:22,914
- Pivot. Pivot.
- Hello.

769
00:47:22,980 --> 00:47:25,005
Did I get you at a bad time?

770
00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:30,245
I Just want to set the date
for the end of the week for lunch.

771
00:47:30,314 --> 00:47:31,941
How's Friday?

772
00:47:32,014 --> 00:47:35,211
Friday.
Hold on one second, Harvey.

773
00:47:35,281 --> 00:47:39,445
I have steamers in the fridge
from a week ago Sunday. You hungry?

774
00:47:39,514 --> 00:47:43,382
No. I make it a practice
never to ingest bivalves

775
00:47:43,447 --> 00:47:45,711
that have been dead more than 72 hours.

776
00:47:45,781 --> 00:47:48,409
Christ, I need a drink.
This room Just isn't right.

777
00:47:48,481 --> 00:47:50,608
What are these?

778
00:47:50,681 --> 00:47:52,808
[Amanda:] Water-purifying tablets.

779
00:47:52,881 --> 00:47:55,111
What for?
Is the plumbing backed up?

780
00:47:55,181 --> 00:47:58,446
Thursday's better.
What do you want to talk about?

781
00:47:58,515 --> 00:48:02,952
The who, the what and the wherefore.
Thursday, Isabella's, at noon.

782
00:48:03,015 --> 00:48:05,506
- Right. Bye.
- [Paula:] No, you're doing it.

783
00:48:05,582 --> 00:48:08,608
- Just pivot it.
- What's happening here?

784
00:48:08,682 --> 00:48:11,310
I have it under control.
Nothing that can't be done

785
00:48:11,382 --> 00:48:14,283
with 12 stevedores and some oxen.

786
00:48:14,348 --> 00:48:17,511
- Paula, where do you want this?
- Against the wall.

787
00:48:17,582 --> 00:48:21,313
- I'll help you do it.
- Sir, would you take this?

788
00:48:21,383 --> 00:48:23,442
Mom, here you go.
[Glass shatters]

789
00:48:23,516 --> 00:48:26,314
[Paula:] Jesus, what a butterfingers!

790
00:48:26,383 --> 00:48:28,544
Watch your hands
when you pick these up.

791
00:48:28,616 --> 00:48:31,210
- [Amanda:] These things happen.
- This can be glued.

792
00:48:36,682 --> 00:48:40,516
I don't understand why those people
could leave the room

793
00:48:40,582 --> 00:48:42,573
after the dinner party
and go home.

794
00:48:42,649 --> 00:48:44,207
- What'd you think?
- It was great.

795
00:48:44,283 --> 00:48:46,376
Yeah, I agree.

796
00:48:46,450 --> 00:48:48,714
Listen, I'm sorry about my mother.

797
00:48:48,782 --> 00:48:52,582
- I know she's been out of control.
- Don't worry about it.

798
00:48:52,650 --> 00:48:54,311
She is a little tough,

799
00:48:54,383 --> 00:48:58,080
but nevertheless, I will gladly
help her with her singing act.

800
00:48:58,149 --> 00:49:01,550
You are a sweetheart.
I don't know what I'd do without you.

801
00:49:01,617 --> 00:49:03,517
I've got a great idea.

802
00:49:03,583 --> 00:49:07,110
Instead of going home,
let's check into a hotel.

803
00:49:07,184 --> 00:49:08,947
Let's check into a hotel!

804
00:49:09,017 --> 00:49:11,383
Maybe away from everything

805
00:49:11,451 --> 00:49:15,751
in a completely different atmosphere,
you'll be more relaxed.

806
00:49:15,817 --> 00:49:18,149
We used to check into hotels
all the time.

807
00:49:18,217 --> 00:49:22,381
- It was exciting and fun.
- But it was different then.

808
00:49:22,451 --> 00:49:25,284
But it won't be different.
It'll be Just like we used to.

809
00:49:25,351 --> 00:49:27,376
Come on, it'll be great.

810
00:49:33,651 --> 00:49:36,677
Hi. How are you?

811
00:49:36,751 --> 00:49:39,652
We're interested in a single room.
How much is that?

812
00:49:39,718 --> 00:49:43,745
- A single room is $200 a night.
- $200. Wow.

813
00:49:43,818 --> 00:49:46,981
It's amazing how even
the cheapest ones have gone up.

814
00:49:47,051 --> 00:49:50,418
Let's not get a single.
It's so sleazy.

815
00:49:50,485 --> 00:49:52,953
We're trying to be romantic.

816
00:49:53,019 --> 00:49:56,887
You're right.
Um, do you have a small suite?

817
00:49:56,952 --> 00:49:59,011
- A small suite?
- Very small.

818
00:49:59,086 --> 00:50:02,146
Let me check.
I'll be right back.

819
00:50:10,119 --> 00:50:12,053
Wow!

820
00:50:12,119 --> 00:50:15,350
- Look at this place.
- It's nice.

821
00:50:19,353 --> 00:50:21,719
Thank you.
Have a good one.

822
00:50:21,786 --> 00:50:24,380
- How much did you give him?
- Three bucks.

823
00:50:24,453 --> 00:50:25,920
Not five?

824
00:50:25,987 --> 00:50:29,115
Five?
He Just turned the light on.

825
00:50:29,187 --> 00:50:33,055
We have no luggage.
Should I have given him five?

826
00:50:33,120 --> 00:50:36,351
It doesn't matter.
I'm sorry. I'm Just tense.

827
00:50:36,420 --> 00:50:40,516
This is fun, isn't it?
It's kind of sexy, being back in a hotel.

828
00:50:40,587 --> 00:50:43,147
Should we order caviar?

829
00:50:43,220 --> 00:50:47,156
Caviar? You Just had
all that popcorn at the movie.

830
00:50:47,220 --> 00:50:50,246
Plus the peppermints
and the ice cream sandwich.

831
00:50:50,320 --> 00:50:54,154
I know.
I'm definitely going on a diet tomorrow.

832
00:50:54,221 --> 00:50:56,655
I can't believe how much they charge
for a suite.

833
00:50:56,721 --> 00:50:59,281
It's not what I expected.

834
00:50:59,355 --> 00:51:02,654
- Is that what you're thinking about?
- No.

835
00:51:02,722 --> 00:51:08,490
No, I'm thinking of you
and how sexy you are.

836
00:51:10,088 --> 00:51:14,684
- I need another.
- Come here. What's wrong?

837
00:51:14,755 --> 00:51:19,021
- It's too bright.
- Too bright?

838
00:51:19,089 --> 00:51:22,786
Okay, well, I can fix that, I guess.

839
00:51:23,822 --> 00:51:26,882
- Is that better?
- No, it's still too bright.

840
00:51:26,955 --> 00:51:29,617
Really?
Yes! You know how hard this is for me.

841
00:51:29,689 --> 00:51:34,217
Maybe it's because of this room.
I'll shut these off.

842
00:51:34,289 --> 00:51:38,658
- There. Is that better?
- No. Turn that off.

843
00:51:38,723 --> 00:51:41,453
You used to like making love
with the lights on.

844
00:51:41,522 --> 00:51:45,083
Or in a sunny room in front of mirrors.
Remember?

845
00:51:45,156 --> 00:51:49,525
- Can we start with the lights off?
- Okay. Not a problem.

846
00:51:50,990 --> 00:51:53,390
There we go. How's that?

847
00:51:53,457 --> 00:51:55,823
Thank you.

848
00:51:55,889 --> 00:51:59,552
Come here.
You know how sexy you are?

849
00:52:01,457 --> 00:52:05,018
Here... let's take off your sweatshirt.

850
00:52:05,091 --> 00:52:07,423
I'll take my pants off here.

851
00:52:07,490 --> 00:52:09,185
[Coins falling]

852
00:52:09,258 --> 00:52:11,089
[Amanda:] Christ!
[Falk:] I'm sorry.

853
00:52:11,157 --> 00:52:16,322
I had all this change from the movie house
when I bought your popcorn.

854
00:52:16,391 --> 00:52:19,758
I can't do this.
The moment's ruined.

855
00:52:19,824 --> 00:52:22,588
That's crazy.
It shouldn't be that delicate.

856
00:52:22,658 --> 00:52:25,650
It's not about should!
Look, I'm a wreck!

857
00:52:25,725 --> 00:52:27,386
Okay, I'm sorry.

858
00:52:27,458 --> 00:52:30,518
I'm sorry, but I can't.
I can't do this.

859
00:52:30,591 --> 00:52:35,255
We'll start again, okay?
It’ll be fine. A clean slate, okay?

860
00:52:35,324 --> 00:52:38,225
We got this room.
Let's take advantage.

861
00:52:38,292 --> 00:52:40,886
We'll Just start over, okay?
Come here.

862
00:52:40,958 --> 00:52:42,755
[Kissing]

863
00:52:45,392 --> 00:52:50,295
See? It's nothing we haven't
done before, right?

864
00:52:53,425 --> 00:52:56,121
Jerry?
Jerry, I can't breathe.

865
00:52:56,192 --> 00:52:58,160
What do you mean?

866
00:52:59,359 --> 00:53:01,827
- I can't...
- What do you mean?

867
00:53:01,892 --> 00:53:04,554
I can't breathe.
My throat's swelling.

868
00:53:04,626 --> 00:53:08,153
- Your throat's not swelling.
- It is. This has happened before.

869
00:53:08,226 --> 00:53:12,287
Why don't you sit down?
Amanda, sit down for a second.

870
00:53:12,360 --> 00:53:16,057
You want me to get you some water?

871
00:53:16,126 --> 00:53:18,890
- No. I feel nauseous.
- You're not nauseous.

872
00:53:18,959 --> 00:53:22,087
- I am.
- Just, Just take it easy.

873
00:53:22,159 --> 00:53:25,356
Amanda, do you want me
to open the window?

874
00:53:25,426 --> 00:53:30,295
Maybe you need some fresh air.
You're getting pale.

875
00:53:30,361 --> 00:53:31,919
Are you serious?

876
00:53:31,994 --> 00:53:35,657
[Wheezing]
I need a doctor.

877
00:53:35,727 --> 00:53:39,823
You don't need a doctor.
Just lay down for a second.

878
00:53:39,893 --> 00:53:43,260
I'm really dizzy.

879
00:53:43,327 --> 00:53:45,557
All right.
Just, um, hold on.

880
00:53:45,628 --> 00:53:48,597
Just, um, breathe
through your nose, okay?

881
00:53:48,661 --> 00:53:51,630
Come on.
Come on. Here.

882
00:53:52,761 --> 00:53:54,422
[Amanda:] Leave a tip for the maid.

883
00:53:54,494 --> 00:53:59,090
[Dr. Reed:] So, if I push
on your chest here, do you feel any pain?

884
00:53:59,161 --> 00:54:03,188
[Amanda:] Well, it's right under
the breast I get a shooting pain.

885
00:54:03,262 --> 00:54:05,696
- Your left breast?
- Yes.

886
00:54:10,762 --> 00:54:13,060
Have you ever had a reaction
like this before?

887
00:54:13,128 --> 00:54:14,254
Yes.

888
00:54:14,328 --> 00:54:16,990
Do you have any allergies?

889
00:54:17,062 --> 00:54:18,086
I hope not.

890
00:54:18,162 --> 00:54:21,154
I'm Just checking
your glands right now.

891
00:54:23,495 --> 00:54:27,829
- You take all these pills?
- Yes. They're different diets.

892
00:54:27,895 --> 00:54:30,830
Then I have my antidepressants
and my sleeping pills.

893
00:54:30,895 --> 00:54:32,556
But they have opposite effects.

894
00:54:32,630 --> 00:54:35,098
I don't take them all
on the same day.

895
00:54:35,162 --> 00:54:38,598
You had a few vodkas, you say?
Breathe in.

896
00:54:38,663 --> 00:54:42,429
Hold. Let it go.

897
00:54:42,496 --> 00:54:44,623
Why do you use diet pills?

898
00:54:44,696 --> 00:54:46,857
I have some trouble
with my weight.

899
00:54:46,930 --> 00:54:50,024
You're not overweight.
You have a lovely figure.

900
00:54:50,097 --> 00:54:52,327
Lean back.
This doesn't hurt, does it?

901
00:54:52,397 --> 00:54:53,523
No.

902
00:54:53,596 --> 00:54:56,656
- You're a very beautiful young woman.
- Thank you.

903
00:54:56,730 --> 00:54:59,528
Yeah, breathe. Good.

904
00:54:59,598 --> 00:55:03,432
The doctor had better sex examining her
than I've had in 6 months!

905
00:55:03,497 --> 00:55:07,729
She has this wayward appeal.
Men go instantly crazy for her!

906
00:55:07,798 --> 00:55:11,199
What do I do?
I'm trapped in a situation here.

907
00:55:11,264 --> 00:55:14,825
What do I do?
Say something.

908
00:55:16,198 --> 00:55:18,166
Our time is up.

909
00:55:18,231 --> 00:55:20,631
Suppose we continue
at our next meeting.

910
00:55:20,698 --> 00:55:23,565
Mr. Falk, I would like to say that

911
00:55:23,632 --> 00:55:27,534
I will stop treating you if you
insist on keeping that rifle.

912
00:55:27,599 --> 00:55:31,000
- What? Why?
- I think it's an acting out.

913
00:55:31,065 --> 00:55:34,000
And it's more to your advantage
to talk about it than act out.

914
00:55:34,066 --> 00:55:37,160
But Dobel thinks in the end,
we can only count on ourselves.

915
00:55:37,232 --> 00:55:39,598
I'm afraid our time is up.

916
00:55:39,665 --> 00:55:43,192
If you don't get rid of the rifle,
I can't continue the analysis.

917
00:55:48,566 --> 00:55:50,932
- Jerry!
- Hey, Bill. How are you?

918
00:55:50,999 --> 00:55:55,333
I'm good.
So, what are you doing here?

919
00:55:55,399 --> 00:55:57,959
I'm having lunch
with my manager, inside.

920
00:55:58,033 --> 00:56:00,433
That Harry Wexler clown?
I saw him go in.

921
00:56:00,499 --> 00:56:03,161
Harvey. Yeah, yeah.

922
00:56:03,233 --> 00:56:05,258
Nobody understands
why you don't lose him.

923
00:56:05,333 --> 00:56:08,131
- Lose Harvey?
- The guy is a Joke in the business.

924
00:56:08,200 --> 00:56:10,293
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

925
00:56:10,367 --> 00:56:14,167
I'm telling you this as a friend.
You're starting to happen a little bit.

926
00:56:14,233 --> 00:56:16,793
You don't need a character
like this representing you.

927
00:56:16,866 --> 00:56:20,199
Thanks. I'll certainly think about it.

928
00:56:20,267 --> 00:56:22,997
- How's your girlfriend?
- Amanda? She's good.

929
00:56:23,067 --> 00:56:25,535
She's studying
acting and singing.

930
00:56:25,601 --> 00:56:27,592
Promise me one thing.

931
00:56:27,667 --> 00:56:30,602
You guys ever break up,
you give me her number.

932
00:56:30,667 --> 00:56:33,295
Just kidding.
Except I'm deadly serious.

933
00:56:33,368 --> 00:56:35,063
We're not breaking up.

934
00:56:35,134 --> 00:56:38,570
- Good to see you.
- Story of my life. Bye, Jerry!

935
00:56:44,968 --> 00:56:46,902
Sorry I'm late.

936
00:56:46,968 --> 00:56:50,995
I thought I'd be late.
My mom had a gallbladder attack.

937
00:56:51,069 --> 00:56:53,162
So, you want to discuss...?

938
00:56:53,234 --> 00:56:57,193
No big deal.
I'll get it out of the way

939
00:56:57,269 --> 00:56:59,669
then we can eat
and enjoy the meal.

940
00:56:59,735 --> 00:57:01,760
A coffee, please.

941
00:57:01,835 --> 00:57:03,700
I'm fine.

942
00:57:03,768 --> 00:57:05,531
Now...

943
00:57:06,702 --> 00:57:10,001
our original contract
was for three years.

944
00:57:10,069 --> 00:57:12,537
It's almost up.
It's up in a few months.

945
00:57:12,603 --> 00:57:16,300
My game plan for you
is going perfectly.

946
00:57:16,369 --> 00:57:21,671
A lot of people laughed at me
when I said I only wanted one client.

947
00:57:21,736 --> 00:57:24,603
And a kid, too!

948
00:57:24,669 --> 00:57:26,762
It's like a clothing store

949
00:57:26,836 --> 00:57:32,536
that specializes in
quality rather than quantity.

950
00:57:32,604 --> 00:57:36,233
All the other managers in town,
even my own family

951
00:57:36,303 --> 00:57:41,570
predicted that you would dump me
if you made it big on my efforts.

952
00:57:41,637 --> 00:57:45,334
I said, "You do not know Jerry Falk."

953
00:57:45,403 --> 00:57:48,702
"Jerry Falk and I have
a special relationship.

954
00:57:48,770 --> 00:57:51,000
"It goes way beyond the contract.

955
00:57:51,071 --> 00:57:53,403
"We are very close.

956
00:57:53,471 --> 00:57:56,065
"I was at his wedding.
I bought him a toaster.

957
00:57:56,137 --> 00:57:59,004
"We are this close.
I've done things for him

958
00:57:59,071 --> 00:58:01,835
"you couldn't even write
into a contract."

959
00:58:01,904 --> 00:58:03,929
[Coughing]

960
00:58:05,071 --> 00:58:06,971
[Tapping table]

961
00:58:07,037 --> 00:58:09,130
What's this?

962
00:58:09,204 --> 00:58:13,231
Our new agreement.

963
00:58:13,304 --> 00:58:16,205
You don't have to read it now.
Take it home and read it.

964
00:58:16,272 --> 00:58:19,036
It's not that complicated.
It's the same thing,

965
00:58:19,105 --> 00:58:21,733
except it's for seven years
instead of three.

966
00:58:21,805 --> 00:58:26,174
I figured, why burden you with
signing a contract every three years?

967
00:58:26,238 --> 00:58:29,799
Especially since we're gonna
be together for a long, long time!

968
00:58:32,272 --> 00:58:35,332
You can't sign that, Falk.
What are you, a cretin?

969
00:58:35,405 --> 00:58:39,364
I can't not sign it.
The guy's whole life is invested in me.

970
00:58:39,438 --> 00:58:42,271
The guy's an idiot!
He's in the wrong business.

971
00:58:42,339 --> 00:58:45,638
He should be pushing a rack
on Seventh Avenue.

972
00:58:45,705 --> 00:58:48,538
He put in the tough work
when no one else cared.

973
00:58:48,605 --> 00:58:50,698
He's not a bad guy, he's Just...

974
00:58:50,772 --> 00:58:54,037
I can't figure you out.
You've been with a shrink for years,

975
00:58:54,106 --> 00:58:56,574
yet you're too guilty to say good-bye

976
00:58:56,640 --> 00:58:59,803
to the inept homunculus
that poses as your manager.

977
00:58:59,873 --> 00:59:02,706
Incidentally, my shrink says
I have to get rid of the rifle.

978
00:59:02,773 --> 00:59:06,834
- What?
- He says it's an acting out.

979
00:59:06,906 --> 00:59:11,400
What kind of charlatan would want you
unarmed in this world?

980
00:59:11,473 --> 00:59:16,672
- He's not a charlatan.
- They're all charlatans, Falk!

981
00:59:16,740 --> 00:59:19,231
You know, since the beginning of time,

982
00:59:19,307 --> 00:59:24,142
people have been frightened and unhappy

983
00:59:24,207 --> 00:59:27,438
and scared to death
and scared of getting old

984
00:59:27,507 --> 00:59:31,705
and there have always been
priests and shamans and now shrinks

985
00:59:31,774 --> 00:59:35,904
to tell them "I know you're frightened,
but I can help you."

986
00:59:35,974 --> 00:59:38,704
"Of course, it'll cost you a few bucks."

987
00:59:38,774 --> 00:59:43,507
But they can't help you,
because life is what it is.

988
00:59:43,575 --> 00:59:48,012
Hey, what did you think of Amanda?
I know you only met her for, like,

989
00:59:48,074 --> 00:59:51,134
15 minutes under pretty
chaotic circumstances

990
00:59:51,208 --> 00:59:54,177
but she has a great quality, doesn't she?

991
00:59:54,241 --> 00:59:56,334
She's cheating on you,
you know.

992
00:59:56,408 --> 01:00:00,208
- What are you talking about?
- She's cheating on you!

993
01:00:00,276 --> 01:00:03,245
- How do you know?
- 'Cause I know.

994
01:00:03,309 --> 01:00:06,335
How do you know?
You see her with someone?

995
01:00:06,409 --> 01:00:08,809
- No.
- Did she say something to you?

996
01:00:08,875 --> 01:00:09,534
No.

997
01:00:09,609 --> 01:00:13,841
Then why would you say
she's cheating on me?

998
01:00:13,908 --> 01:00:15,705
I can tell by her eyes.

999
01:00:15,776 --> 01:00:19,837
- Her eyes? Her eyes.
- Yes, her eyes.

1000
01:00:19,909 --> 01:00:24,778
Dobel, you have a certain brilliance.
You do.

1001
01:00:24,843 --> 01:00:27,971
You're a sweet guy
and a wonderful writer of humor,

1002
01:00:28,043 --> 01:00:32,139
but you are a deeply,
deeply deranged human being.

1003
01:00:32,210 --> 01:00:35,179
Falk, I'm telling you,
she's cheating on you,

1004
01:00:35,243 --> 01:00:38,076
and you're too typhlotic to see it.

1005
01:00:38,143 --> 01:00:41,271
Typhlosis, Falk.
Blindness.

1006
01:00:42,911 --> 01:00:46,438
[Music plays]

1007
01:01:01,311 --> 01:01:04,474
Is she cheating on me?

1008
01:01:04,544 --> 01:01:06,705
Dobel has poisoned the well.

1009
01:01:06,778 --> 01:01:10,339
How the hell would he know?
Is he some kind of visionary?

1010
01:01:10,411 --> 01:01:14,006
Not at all. He's a simple,
garden-variety paranoid.

1011
01:01:14,078 --> 01:01:17,775
[Falk:] "Jews start all wars."
A gun in every room of his apartment!

1012
01:01:17,845 --> 01:01:21,008
Amanda's cheating on me
because he sees it in her eyes?

1013
01:01:21,078 --> 01:01:23,410
Bull! And yet...

1014
01:01:23,479 --> 01:01:26,676
Jerry? This is Connie.
Connie, Jerry.

1015
01:01:26,745 --> 01:01:28,269
[Falk:] Nice to meet you.

1016
01:01:28,345 --> 01:01:31,803
- Connie is a brilliant actress.
- Amanda's the actress!

1017
01:01:31,878 --> 01:01:35,041
Ray! Come with me.
I have to talk to you.

1018
01:01:35,112 --> 01:01:39,481
Amanda tells me you're a writer.
What are you working on?

1019
01:01:40,445 --> 01:01:42,777
A novel.

1020
01:01:42,846 --> 01:01:44,211
About what?

1021
01:01:44,280 --> 01:01:47,738
The absolute terror
of confronting one's death.

1022
01:01:47,812 --> 01:01:50,508
I Just finished
"Notes From Underground."

1023
01:01:50,579 --> 01:01:55,573
Isn't Dostoyevsky the most amazing,
poignant, talented writer?

1024
01:01:55,647 --> 01:01:59,947
[Falk:] Who cares about Dostoyevsky
if Amanda's sleeping with that guy?

1025
01:02:00,013 --> 01:02:02,140
She always talks about Ray Polito.

1026
01:02:02,213 --> 01:02:05,671
Such a hotshot new actor.
Animal instincts.

1027
01:02:05,747 --> 01:02:10,411
This generation's Brando.
They certainly make eye contact.

1028
01:02:10,480 --> 01:02:14,746
She's so sexy.
Look at her body language.

1029
01:02:14,813 --> 01:02:16,212
All verbs!

1030
01:02:16,281 --> 01:02:18,977
- Have I...?
- Read "House of the Dead."

1031
01:02:19,047 --> 01:02:22,175
Oh, yes.
Yes, I have.

1032
01:02:22,247 --> 01:02:24,909
I found it surprisingly neoteric.

1033
01:02:26,247 --> 01:02:29,478
- Modern. Very modern.
- Yes, modern.

1034
01:02:29,547 --> 01:02:33,449
- Would you excuse me Just a second?
- Yeah, sure.

1035
01:02:39,547 --> 01:02:42,983
Jerry, hi.
You remember Ray Polito?

1036
01:02:43,048 --> 01:02:46,176
- Nice to see you.
- How are you?

1037
01:02:46,248 --> 01:02:47,579
Good. You?

1038
01:02:47,649 --> 01:02:53,087
I was telling Ray about how you have
a real interest in old theater posters.

1039
01:02:53,148 --> 01:02:55,616
He says he has a great source.

1040
01:02:55,682 --> 01:02:58,879
My buddy, Jay Binns,
has some really rare ones.

1041
01:02:58,949 --> 01:03:00,974
He'd be happy to show them
to you anytime.

1042
01:03:01,049 --> 01:03:03,574
Thanks. Yeah, maybe sometime, sure.

1043
01:03:03,649 --> 01:03:06,209
- We could rent a car and drive out tonight.
- Tonight?

1044
01:03:06,283 --> 01:03:09,810
Connie? You should come, too.
You should bring Doug.

1045
01:03:09,882 --> 01:03:11,144
- Who's Doug?
- Go where?

1046
01:03:11,216 --> 01:03:14,811
My buddy lives in Montauk.
We're going there tonight.

1047
01:03:14,882 --> 01:03:18,943
- At this hour, there's no traffic.
- Montauk? It's midnight.

1048
01:03:19,016 --> 01:03:22,247
Montauk at midnight?
What could be more romantic?

1049
01:03:22,316 --> 01:03:24,216
- I can't.
- Me either.

1050
01:03:24,283 --> 01:03:26,945
- It's Just too late.
- I have to get up early.

1051
01:03:27,017 --> 01:03:29,713
You know I work best
in the morning.

1052
01:03:29,783 --> 01:03:32,684
But we'll walk on the beach,
maybe take a swim.

1053
01:03:32,750 --> 01:03:34,684
Ray'll play his guitar.

1054
01:03:34,750 --> 01:03:36,650
- You play guitar?
- Yeah.

1055
01:03:36,716 --> 01:03:38,547
I'd rather eat rat poison

1056
01:03:38,617 --> 01:03:42,383
than watch this guy
play guitar on the beach at 3 AM.

1057
01:03:45,150 --> 01:03:47,482
- [Falk:] You're so quiet.
- [Amanda:] So are you.

1058
01:03:47,550 --> 01:03:49,745
- [Falk:] What's wrong?
- [Amanda:] Nothing.

1059
01:03:49,817 --> 01:03:53,253
[Falk:] Don't say, "nothing."
Obviously, you're upset.

1060
01:03:53,317 --> 01:03:56,912
Are you crushed because we didn't drive
100 miles to look at theater posters

1061
01:03:56,984 --> 01:03:59,179
and hear this guy play his guitar?

1062
01:03:59,251 --> 01:04:01,310
Shhh!
My mother's sleeping.

1063
01:04:01,385 --> 01:04:03,751
That road company James Dean
looked at you

1064
01:04:03,817 --> 01:04:06,911
like you were
a freshly baked cannoli.

1065
01:04:06,984 --> 01:04:09,179
Are you in love with Connie?

1066
01:04:09,251 --> 01:04:10,548
Connie?

1067
01:04:10,618 --> 01:04:12,848
Don't pretend you can't
remember her name.

1068
01:04:12,919 --> 01:04:17,879
I wouldn't have even looked at Connie
if you hadn't thrown us together.

1069
01:04:17,952 --> 01:04:19,920
I thought you'd like her.

1070
01:04:19,985 --> 01:04:23,512
She's smart and beautiful
and very literate.

1071
01:04:23,585 --> 01:04:28,181
A literate actress?
What, is that like a four-leaf clover?

1072
01:04:28,252 --> 01:04:30,379
Most men find her seductive.

1073
01:04:30,452 --> 01:04:34,354
If you wanted to go off with Ray Polito,
you should have gone.

1074
01:04:34,419 --> 01:04:36,649
You didn't need to
fix me up with someone.

1075
01:04:36,719 --> 01:04:41,088
Please! I thought you'd want to see
his friend's theater posters.

1076
01:04:41,152 --> 01:04:44,781
I have no interest in Connie.
None. Nada.

1077
01:04:44,853 --> 01:04:48,949
You can sleep with other women.
Just don't throw it in my face.

1078
01:04:49,020 --> 01:04:52,183
I'm not sleeping with her!
Do you want to sleep with Ray?

1079
01:04:52,253 --> 01:04:55,689
[Paula:] Jesus Christ!
Will you two keep it down?

1080
01:04:55,753 --> 01:04:58,017
I can't sleep.
You got any pills?

1081
01:04:58,086 --> 01:05:01,920
I'm sorry, Mother.
I can't have these late-night discussions.

1082
01:05:01,986 --> 01:05:05,820
- I need a sleeping pill.
- Jerry? Come here.

1083
01:05:05,887 --> 01:05:08,117
- I want to show you something.
- Now? It's 2 AM.

1084
01:05:08,186 --> 01:05:11,815
Come here! Jerry.

1085
01:05:11,887 --> 01:05:16,847
This goddamn ballad is driving me crazy.
Just tell me what you think.

1086
01:05:16,921 --> 01:05:21,085
[Playing piano]

1087
01:05:23,254 --> 01:05:27,418
(music) Don't cry

1088
01:05:27,488 --> 01:05:33,358
(music) There'll be another spring

1089
01:05:33,421 --> 01:05:36,584
(music) I know our hearts

1090
01:05:36,655 --> 01:05:39,249
(music) Will dance again

1091
01:05:39,322 --> 01:05:42,723
(music) And sing again

1092
01:05:42,788 --> 01:05:45,723
(music) So wait for me

1093
01:05:45,788 --> 01:05:49,189
(music) Till then

1094
01:05:49,255 --> 01:05:52,656
(music) Be glad

1095
01:05:52,722 --> 01:05:58,524
(music) The bird is on the wing

1096
01:05:58,589 --> 01:06:03,526
(music) Another chance to love

1097
01:06:03,589 --> 01:06:07,320
(music) And laugh with me

1098
01:06:07,390 --> 01:06:11,724
(music) Just wait and see

1099
01:06:11,789 --> 01:06:17,887
(music) I love you now

1100
01:06:17,956 --> 01:06:22,359
(music) And I'll love you forever

1101
01:06:22,423 --> 01:06:24,948
(music) Oh, don't

1102
01:06:25,024 --> 01:06:28,516
(music) Be sad

1103
01:06:28,590 --> 01:06:31,150
(music) We'll surely be

1104
01:06:31,224 --> 01:06:33,692
(music) Together

1105
01:06:33,757 --> 01:06:37,090
(music) For the sky

1106
01:06:37,157 --> 01:06:42,220
(music) Is bluer overhead

1107
01:06:42,291 --> 01:06:45,818
(music) If you will Just

1108
01:06:45,891 --> 01:06:49,918
(music) Believe in me

1109
01:06:49,991 --> 01:06:52,323
(music) There'll be

1110
01:06:52,391 --> 01:06:55,258
(music) Another

1111
01:06:55,324 --> 01:06:57,121
(music) Spring

1112
01:06:59,158 --> 01:07:04,027
If life is meaningless,
then why choose to live?

1113
01:07:04,091 --> 01:07:07,993
Dobel says we don't choose,
our blood chooses for us.

1114
01:07:08,058 --> 01:07:10,822
What does it all add up to if I die?

1115
01:07:10,891 --> 01:07:13,792
Freud says sex and work.

1116
01:07:13,859 --> 01:07:17,420
Dobel says work
gives the illusion of meaning,

1117
01:07:17,492 --> 01:07:20,825
and sex gives
the illusion of continuity.

1118
01:07:20,892 --> 01:07:23,190
[Paula singing]

1119
01:07:23,259 --> 01:07:25,318
She's going to practice now?

1120
01:07:26,725 --> 01:07:31,662
Hey, Paula? I'm trying to clarify
some ideas for my novel.

1121
01:07:31,725 --> 01:07:32,714
I Just need...

1122
01:07:32,792 --> 01:07:35,852
I have some ideas for dialogue
leading to the Judy Garland medley.

1123
01:07:35,926 --> 01:07:38,326
Could we talk about it later?

1124
01:07:38,393 --> 01:07:43,092
I am so nervous. I don't know why
I'm so scared of performing.

1125
01:07:43,159 --> 01:07:46,287
- Where does Amanda keep her Valium?
- There. I'll get you one.

1126
01:07:46,359 --> 01:07:50,921
I Just need a little bit of quiet,
Just for the morning. Okay, Paula?

1127
01:08:06,827 --> 01:08:11,230
[Falk:] I went to the bathroom
to get her mother a Valium.

1128
01:08:11,294 --> 01:08:14,286
Because Dobel made me
so damn suspicious,

1129
01:08:14,360 --> 01:08:18,592
I couldn't resist the impulse
to open her diaphragm case

1130
01:08:18,661 --> 01:08:21,061
to see if it was there,
and it wasn't.

1131
01:08:22,827 --> 01:08:25,489
Why does she need her diaphragm?
What for?

1132
01:08:27,762 --> 01:08:29,525
And what's wrong with me?

1133
01:08:29,595 --> 01:08:33,827
Why should the thought
of Amanda sleeping with someone

1134
01:08:33,895 --> 01:08:36,386
be both excruciating and exciting?

1135
01:08:36,461 --> 01:08:38,986
I feel like committing suicide,

1136
01:08:39,062 --> 01:08:42,088
but I have so many problems,
that wouldn't solve them all.

1137
01:08:42,162 --> 01:08:45,131
What should I do?
What would you do?

1138
01:08:45,195 --> 01:08:48,062
Huh?
What do I do?

1139
01:08:48,129 --> 01:08:51,121
If it was me, Falk,
I would follow her.

1140
01:08:51,195 --> 01:08:53,561
Why do you put these paranoid thoughts
in my head?

1141
01:08:53,629 --> 01:08:57,087
Why does she wear a diaphragm?
Why isn't she on the pill?

1142
01:08:57,162 --> 01:09:00,928
It's hormonal.
The pill makes her crazy.

1143
01:09:00,996 --> 01:09:04,056
The pill makes her crazy?
Falk, she is crazy!

1144
01:09:04,130 --> 01:09:07,395
The Pentagon should use her hormones
for chemical warfare!

1145
01:09:07,462 --> 01:09:11,159
I don't get it. Where is it?
Where is her diaphragm?

1146
01:09:11,230 --> 01:09:13,289
Well, you know, I can imagine.

1147
01:09:13,363 --> 01:09:15,763
I've never followed anyone.

1148
01:09:15,829 --> 01:09:18,195
It's not rocket science, Falk.

1149
01:09:18,263 --> 01:09:22,097
The trick is not to be seen.
Where is she now?

1150
01:09:22,163 --> 01:09:23,926
- Acting class.
- You think.

1151
01:09:23,996 --> 01:09:28,126
Christ, don't say that.
Of course she's at acting class.

1152
01:09:28,196 --> 01:09:31,290
She wouldn't miss that.
It's too crucial.

1153
01:09:31,363 --> 01:09:35,697
And that's where she sees
her acting partner, Ray Polito.

1154
01:09:35,763 --> 01:09:40,132
Look, I'm not good at following.
Why don't you come with me?

1155
01:09:40,197 --> 01:09:43,098
I can't.
I promised students I'd take them

1156
01:09:43,164 --> 01:09:46,827
to the Caravaggio exhibit
at the Metropolitan Museum.

1157
01:09:46,897 --> 01:09:48,865
I give them a little culture now and then

1158
01:09:48,930 --> 01:09:52,195
so they don't beat each other to death
with bicycle chains.

1159
01:09:52,264 --> 01:09:55,233
I'm too nervous to follow her.

1160
01:09:55,297 --> 01:09:57,595
There's nothing to it, you know.

1161
01:09:57,664 --> 01:10:02,397
You're worried about what you're
going to find, that's all.

1162
01:10:02,464 --> 01:10:04,694
You are a writer.
You have a gift.

1163
01:10:04,764 --> 01:10:10,600
You should have a girlfriend
who helps you and is encouraging,

1164
01:10:10,665 --> 01:10:15,295
not some mercurial little Jitterbug
who'll have you hold up filling stations

1165
01:10:15,365 --> 01:10:19,233
- to keep her in mood elevators.
- I shouldn't have looked.

1166
01:10:19,298 --> 01:10:21,789
What you don't know will kill you!

1167
01:10:21,866 --> 01:10:24,858
What you don't know won't hurt you,
it'll kill you.

1168
01:10:24,932 --> 01:10:28,026
Like if they tell you
you're going to showers

1169
01:10:28,099 --> 01:10:30,897
but they turn out not to be showers.

1170
01:11:06,000 --> 01:11:09,094
Ray Polito.
I knew it.

1171
01:11:53,069 --> 01:11:56,732
[Amanda:] Where were you?
We have theater tickets tonight.

1172
01:11:56,803 --> 01:12:00,204
Paula, could you excuse us?
I have to talk to Amanda.

1173
01:12:00,269 --> 01:12:03,295
My God, Jerry.
Has the president been shot?

1174
01:12:03,369 --> 01:12:05,462
Fine with me.
I have a date tonight.

1175
01:12:05,536 --> 01:12:08,972
[Amanda:] What? You have a date?
With who?

1176
01:12:09,036 --> 01:12:12,233
I must confess.
It's with a guy who picked me up.

1177
01:12:12,303 --> 01:12:14,669
- Where?
- At my AA meeting.

1178
01:12:14,736 --> 01:12:17,796
- Great. An alcoholic.
- He's not an alcoholic.

1179
01:12:17,870 --> 01:12:19,929
He's the alcoholic's friend, the enabler.

1180
01:12:20,003 --> 01:12:22,335
Even better.
What does he do?

1181
01:12:22,403 --> 01:12:25,964
- He's a horse whisperer.
- What are you talking about?

1182
01:12:26,036 --> 01:12:28,197
- What are you looking for, your keys?
- Yes.

1183
01:12:28,270 --> 01:12:31,068
- They're over here.
- He's 26 years old.

1184
01:12:31,137 --> 01:12:35,403
Fabulous. You're going out
with a 26-year-old horse whisperer.

1185
01:12:35,470 --> 01:12:37,734
- [Falk:] Amanda, could I talk to you?
- Hold on!

1186
01:12:37,804 --> 01:12:42,070
- Would you really care if I got a tattoo?
- Yes.

1187
01:12:42,138 --> 01:12:43,867
- We'll discuss it later.
- No, Mom.

1188
01:12:43,937 --> 01:12:46,735
- We'll discuss it.
- Mom, don't.

1189
01:12:46,804 --> 01:12:49,272
Mom, your keys.
Your keys.

1190
01:12:49,338 --> 01:12:52,830
- Thanks.
- Jesus, you're so crazy!

1191
01:12:52,905 --> 01:12:55,032
- Where were you today?
- Acting class.

1192
01:12:55,104 --> 01:12:56,901
No, I mean after.

1193
01:12:56,972 --> 01:13:00,237
At a girlfriend's apartment,
rehearsing a scene.

1194
01:13:00,304 --> 01:13:02,602
No. No, you weren't

1195
01:13:02,671 --> 01:13:07,005
because I know you were in
the school building with your teacher.

1196
01:13:07,072 --> 01:13:09,302
That's right. I saw you.

1197
01:13:09,372 --> 01:13:12,307
- How?
- I was spying on you.

1198
01:13:12,372 --> 01:13:15,773
- Spying?
- That's right. I saw the three of you.

1199
01:13:15,839 --> 01:13:19,605
You, your acting teacher
and your diaphragm.

1200
01:13:19,672 --> 01:13:23,403
Your diaphragm. It's not here,
so where could it be?

1201
01:13:23,472 --> 01:13:27,033
There's no such thing
as a diaphragm repair shop.

1202
01:13:27,106 --> 01:13:30,007
I was there, Amanda.
I saw it all.

1203
01:13:30,073 --> 01:13:33,201
Okay. Okay, I slept with Ron Keller.

1204
01:13:33,273 --> 01:13:36,174
But I didn't do it
because I care about him.

1205
01:13:36,240 --> 01:13:39,641
No? What then?
To punish him?

1206
01:13:39,707 --> 01:13:43,973
I had to find out
if something was wrong with me.

1207
01:13:44,039 --> 01:13:48,100
I can't sleep with you,
the person that I love.

1208
01:13:48,173 --> 01:13:52,872
I had to know if I was
some kind of freak, or frigid.

1209
01:13:52,940 --> 01:13:57,775
I had to know if I could even get
aroused anymore and have an orgasm!

1210
01:13:57,840 --> 01:14:00,035
And can you?

1211
01:14:00,107 --> 01:14:02,473
Yeah. It's good news.
I can!

1212
01:14:02,541 --> 01:14:05,704
Okay. I want out of this relationship.

1213
01:14:05,773 --> 01:14:09,766
Jerry, don't say that.
You know I need you.

1214
01:14:09,841 --> 01:14:11,832
Need me? How can you need me

1215
01:14:11,908 --> 01:14:16,436
when all these positive feelings
happen with everyone but me?

1216
01:14:16,508 --> 01:14:20,000
Not everybody.
Just Ron Keller.

1217
01:14:20,075 --> 01:14:22,839
He reminds me of my father.

1218
01:14:22,908 --> 01:14:24,967
I remind you of your father.

1219
01:14:25,041 --> 01:14:28,602
You remind me of the good parts.
He reminds me of the bad.

1220
01:14:28,674 --> 01:14:31,302
I figured I should try everything.

1221
01:14:31,375 --> 01:14:34,208
You know, to figure out
what the problem is.

1222
01:14:34,275 --> 01:14:37,972
How did I get to be the good father?
What am I, Kris Kringle?

1223
01:14:38,041 --> 01:14:42,978
It is a maddening problem.
We had to try every kind of foreplay.

1224
01:14:43,042 --> 01:14:46,409
Where's the rifle?
I'm going to blow my brains out.

1225
01:14:46,475 --> 01:14:50,639
Don't be so middle-class!
I did it as much for you as for me.

1226
01:14:50,709 --> 01:14:56,079
Oh, thank you. For me?
Thank you so much for thinking of me.

1227
01:14:56,143 --> 01:14:58,168
Well, it worked.

1228
01:14:58,243 --> 01:15:02,111
Now I know that I can get excited.
Very excited.

1229
01:15:02,176 --> 01:15:05,304
Passionate!
I can have orgasms.

1230
01:15:05,376 --> 01:15:08,311
Like the ones I had
when we first started dating.

1231
01:15:08,376 --> 01:15:11,937
You know? Multiple ones,
where I claw the walls.

1232
01:15:12,010 --> 01:15:14,570
I'm so happy to hear this, Amanda!
Really.

1233
01:15:14,643 --> 01:15:17,339
This is Just music to my ears.

1234
01:15:17,410 --> 01:15:21,574
I don't need the rifle.
I'll Just hemorrhage here on the carpet.

1235
01:15:21,644 --> 01:15:25,011
Jerry, don't be mad.

1236
01:15:25,077 --> 01:15:28,240
And don't be mad at Ron.
He was Just trying to help.

1237
01:15:28,310 --> 01:15:31,973
Ron? How could I be upset at Ron?

1238
01:15:32,044 --> 01:15:35,275
In fact, I'll put him
on my Christmas list,

1239
01:15:35,344 --> 01:15:38,108
if I can figure out
how to make a letter bomb.

1240
01:15:38,178 --> 01:15:41,705
Jerry...
Jerry, please.

1241
01:15:41,777 --> 01:15:46,271
[Sniffles] Please.
You know I love you so much.

1242
01:15:46,345 --> 01:15:49,314
I need you.
I can't live without you.

1243
01:15:49,378 --> 01:15:52,108
Jerry, please?

1244
01:15:52,178 --> 01:15:56,308
That's bullshit, Falk.
I don't buy any of it.

1245
01:15:56,378 --> 01:15:58,608
She says she did it therapeutically.

1246
01:15:58,678 --> 01:16:02,614
That's the kind of therapy they advertise
on the back of the Village Voice.

1247
01:16:02,678 --> 01:16:06,239
She wanted to make sure
she could still become aroused.

1248
01:16:06,312 --> 01:16:10,476
Well, I'm glad to hear
the little sweetheart can still...

1249
01:16:10,546 --> 01:16:14,778
You know, it's not in vino veritas.

1250
01:16:14,845 --> 01:16:18,008
It's in eros veritas.

1251
01:16:18,079 --> 01:16:22,015
I don't know what to do, Dobel.
I'm totally confused.

1252
01:16:22,079 --> 01:16:25,810
You said it. You're afraid to sleep alone.
That's the whole story.

1253
01:16:25,880 --> 01:16:30,112
You surround yourself
with this farrago of baby-sitters,

1254
01:16:30,180 --> 01:16:35,311
this loving-disabled sex kitten
who's driving you crazy,

1255
01:16:35,380 --> 01:16:38,247
the Jew manager, you know?

1256
01:16:38,313 --> 01:16:41,942
Let me tell you,
I am of the Hebrew persuasion,

1257
01:16:42,013 --> 01:16:44,345
but that guy who handles you

1258
01:16:44,413 --> 01:16:49,578
is a member of one of the lost tribes
of Israel that should have remained lost.

1259
01:16:49,647 --> 01:16:54,812
And you got this shrink who, like God,
never speaks and, like God, is dead.

1260
01:16:54,881 --> 01:17:01,184
There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.

1261
01:17:01,248 --> 01:17:05,116
That's why you have to build
a survival kit.

1262
01:17:05,181 --> 01:17:09,584
Do you have a little time now?
I want to chat with you.

1263
01:17:11,414 --> 01:17:15,510
It's Just a Joint,
but they have great Chinese food.

1264
01:17:15,581 --> 01:17:19,142
We're in luck.
There's a guy pulling out.

1265
01:17:21,781 --> 01:17:25,512
Let me speak to you about something.

1266
01:17:26,415 --> 01:17:32,012
I have an acquaintance
out in California who produces

1267
01:17:32,082 --> 01:17:34,676
and he's doing some
comedy shows on television.

1268
01:17:34,749 --> 01:17:38,207
I know they're looking
for teams of writers.

1269
01:17:38,282 --> 01:17:42,844
If I told them that you and I were a team,
I think we could get hired.

1270
01:17:42,916 --> 01:17:43,974
In California?

1271
01:17:44,049 --> 01:17:47,450
Yeah. All the action is out there.
It's not here.

1272
01:17:47,515 --> 01:17:49,415
I don't know what Amanda would say.

1273
01:17:49,482 --> 01:17:52,007
Though her mother's always wanted
to go to Hollywood.

1274
01:17:52,083 --> 01:17:56,452
Can I explain something?
I'm talking about a clean break.

1275
01:17:56,516 --> 01:18:00,748
Me with the Board of Education,
and you with everybody.

1276
01:18:00,816 --> 01:18:04,616
With that fish peddler,
garment center manager you have,

1277
01:18:04,683 --> 01:18:09,086
with your shrink and with that little girl
who gives you a hard time.

1278
01:18:09,149 --> 01:18:11,709
I can't just leave...
go by myself?

1279
01:18:11,783 --> 01:18:14,081
Not go by yourself. Go with me.

1280
01:18:14,150 --> 01:18:17,278
We'd go together so you can't
fall back on being alone.

1281
01:18:17,351 --> 01:18:19,615
I've given it a lot of thought, Falk,

1282
01:18:19,683 --> 01:18:24,245
and I know for me, it's now or never.

1283
01:18:24,317 --> 01:18:26,410
[Car starting]

1284
01:18:26,484 --> 01:18:30,250
Think about it.
Just think about it.

1285
01:18:38,718 --> 01:18:41,186
Hey!

1286
01:18:45,285 --> 01:18:47,719
Hey, I was waiting
for this space for five minutes.

1287
01:18:47,784 --> 01:18:50,617
I was here for five minutes, waiting...

1288
01:18:50,685 --> 01:18:53,483
You got a problem with me parking here?

1289
01:18:53,552 --> 01:18:56,453
You been waiting? Too bad.
You slow, you blow.

1290
01:18:56,518 --> 01:18:59,976
- I'm a busy man. I have things to do.
- But I was...

1291
01:19:00,051 --> 01:19:02,849
What, are you high on crack
to be arguing with him?!

1292
01:19:02,919 --> 01:19:06,548
- I was waiting here for five minutes!
- You want to meet God?

1293
01:19:06,619 --> 01:19:08,553
Do you? Get out of here!

1294
01:19:08,619 --> 01:19:11,747
Go home, old man.
Do what the man says.

1295
01:19:11,819 --> 01:19:13,912
Go, before I kick you in the ass!

1296
01:19:13,986 --> 01:19:18,116
Get in your car and go home.
And you, turn around!

1297
01:19:19,119 --> 01:19:21,019
Idiots!

1298
01:19:25,386 --> 01:19:27,445
My God, Dobel.

1299
01:19:27,519 --> 01:19:30,386
Either one of those guys
could have beat you to a pulp.

1300
01:19:30,453 --> 01:19:33,047
Is it so important you insist?

1301
01:19:33,120 --> 01:19:35,247
Life's unfair.
You said it yourself.

1302
01:19:35,320 --> 01:19:39,051
Those guys have the muscles
and we're blessed with wit.

1303
01:19:39,120 --> 01:19:43,022
Later on, in the quiet and safety
of some delicatessen,

1304
01:19:43,087 --> 01:19:47,046
we can write a biting satire
and expose all their foibles

1305
01:19:47,120 --> 01:19:50,521
and have a great, big laugh.
Two Jerks.

1306
01:19:50,587 --> 01:19:53,613
[Falk:] But in the meantime,
they've got the biceps.

1307
01:19:53,687 --> 01:19:56,019
[Brakes squealing]
What are you doing?

1308
01:19:57,320 --> 01:20:01,757
Why are you parking?
Dobel, what are you doing?

1309
01:20:01,821 --> 01:20:07,851
Why are we back here?
What is that for? Dobel!

1310
01:20:10,655 --> 01:20:12,816
Oh, my God. Dobel!

1311
01:20:16,855 --> 01:20:18,447
Dobel!

1312
01:20:24,788 --> 01:20:27,552
Dobel, let's go! My god.

1313
01:20:27,622 --> 01:20:30,716
You're sick in the head,
you know that? Crazy!

1314
01:20:30,788 --> 01:20:33,416
[Engine sputtering]

1315
01:20:33,489 --> 01:20:35,889
Start the car.

1316
01:20:35,955 --> 01:20:38,116
What are you doing?
[Engine starts]

1317
01:20:47,222 --> 01:20:50,487
[Typing]

1318
01:20:53,290 --> 01:20:55,622
I had mixed feelings over the day.

1319
01:20:55,689 --> 01:21:00,251
On the one hand, I was convinced
Dobel was a raving, psychotic lunatic.

1320
01:21:00,323 --> 01:21:04,089
On the other hand, I had
a kind of odd admiration for him.

1321
01:21:04,156 --> 01:21:07,319
I would have Just slinked away, bullied.
You know?

1322
01:21:07,390 --> 01:21:10,882
But he wouldn't let the injustice rest.
He resisted.

1323
01:21:10,957 --> 01:21:13,425
There are always some people
who will resist.

1324
01:21:13,490 --> 01:21:17,256
And, as he says,
the issue is always fascism.

1325
01:21:45,591 --> 01:21:48,219
He's nuts.

1326
01:21:50,392 --> 01:21:54,260
And yet the thought
of giving up everything here

1327
01:21:54,325 --> 01:21:59,991
and starting fresh in California,
it's so tempting and exhilarating.

1328
01:22:00,058 --> 01:22:03,824
Why do I get so scared?
Because I'm not a leaver.

1329
01:22:03,892 --> 01:22:07,453
The one time Amanda
and I broke up, she left me.

1330
01:22:07,627 --> 01:22:11,495
It all happened too fast.
I was overwhelmed by you.

1331
01:22:11,560 --> 01:22:15,155
It was a whirlwind and right away,
we were living together!

1332
01:22:15,227 --> 01:22:18,390
I think we'd both benefit
by some time apart.

1333
01:22:18,461 --> 01:22:20,952
I don't need time apart.
I know I love you.

1334
01:22:21,027 --> 01:22:22,460
Well, I do!

1335
01:22:22,527 --> 01:22:24,757
I can't think.
[Horn honking]

1336
01:22:24,828 --> 01:22:29,663
I get these migraines and sometimes,
my throat closes up and I can't breathe.

1337
01:22:29,728 --> 01:22:32,288
I feel trapped and suffocated!

1338
01:22:32,361 --> 01:22:35,194
Maybe if we slept
with the window open.

1339
01:22:35,261 --> 01:22:38,526
- I'll move in with April.
- What if you return to a shrink?

1340
01:22:38,594 --> 01:22:41,620
I told you, shrinks don't work for me.
I know how to fool them.

1341
01:22:41,694 --> 01:22:46,563
Just all that talk about
how we were made for each other,

1342
01:22:46,629 --> 01:22:48,859
and marriage, I...

1343
01:22:50,595 --> 01:22:53,223
She moved out.
I was miserable.

1344
01:22:53,295 --> 01:22:56,822
Eating moo goo gai pan
out of boxes every night,

1345
01:22:56,895 --> 01:22:59,193
having dreams of death.

1346
01:22:59,261 --> 01:23:03,322
I tried dating, but it was hard
getting her out of my mind.

1347
01:23:08,129 --> 01:23:11,963
Why don't you come
to the ladies' room?

1348
01:23:12,029 --> 01:23:15,624
The door locks.
We can be alone.

1349
01:23:16,696 --> 01:23:21,395
The wine has put me, um,
very much in the mood.

1350
01:23:21,463 --> 01:23:27,095
Okay. I'll count to 30
and meet you in the ladies' room.

1351
01:23:27,163 --> 01:23:29,097
Meet me where?

1352
01:23:29,163 --> 01:23:31,358
I'm sorry.

1353
01:23:31,430 --> 01:23:34,957
My mind was somewhere else.

1354
01:23:35,030 --> 01:23:38,522
[Falk:] Then, a few weeks later,
Just as suddenly as she moved out,

1355
01:23:38,597 --> 01:23:39,757
Amanda returned.

1356
01:23:39,830 --> 01:23:43,960
[Amanda:] I'm back.
But if you don't want me, I understand.

1357
01:23:44,030 --> 01:23:46,021
You're back?

1358
01:23:46,097 --> 01:23:51,831
I couldn't be without you.
I tried, but I Just couldn't.

1359
01:23:51,897 --> 01:23:56,197
You didn't move in with
your girlfriend April, like you said.

1360
01:23:56,264 --> 01:24:00,564
I found out you went to Naples
with Tony Hanken.

1361
01:24:00,631 --> 01:24:02,462
Well, you can understand.

1362
01:24:02,531 --> 01:24:05,762
He wanted me to go with him
to Naples and Rome.

1363
01:24:05,831 --> 01:24:08,197
It sounded so romantic.

1364
01:24:08,264 --> 01:24:13,224
Those are places I've dreamed of.
I thought that's what I wanted.

1365
01:24:13,298 --> 01:24:16,131
But I missed you too much.

1366
01:24:16,198 --> 01:24:18,564
But of course you made love with him.

1367
01:24:18,632 --> 01:24:21,192
Yes, but I thought of you.

1368
01:24:21,265 --> 01:24:25,634
You were really the person I was
making love to in Naples and Florence

1369
01:24:25,698 --> 01:24:29,225
and Venice, on the airplane
40,000 feet in the air...

1370
01:24:29,299 --> 01:24:30,789
Okay. Enough.

1371
01:24:30,865 --> 01:24:34,028
Oh, yeah... and at the Vatican.

1372
01:24:34,099 --> 01:24:37,159
All I could think about
while we were doing it

1373
01:24:37,232 --> 01:24:40,395
was how much
you would love that ceiling.

1374
01:24:40,466 --> 01:24:44,493
So I'm back.
I'm home because...

1375
01:24:44,566 --> 01:24:48,093
I can't live without you.

1376
01:24:48,166 --> 01:24:52,364
[Falk:] We made love that night.
It was wonderful.

1377
01:24:52,433 --> 01:24:55,800
If only certain moments in life
could last,

1378
01:24:55,866 --> 01:24:59,563
Just stay frozen,
like some old vase.

1379
01:25:04,634 --> 01:25:07,398
[Typing]

1380
01:25:20,767 --> 01:25:23,031
[Door opens, woman laughing]

1381
01:25:25,534 --> 01:25:30,028
Paula, would you keep it down?
You're going to wake Amanda.

1382
01:25:30,101 --> 01:25:32,934
Jerry, you haven't met Ralph.
This is Ralph!

1383
01:25:33,002 --> 01:25:35,698
Can you keep it down?
Amanda's...

1384
01:25:35,768 --> 01:25:38,259
we saw Elaine Stritch
on Broadway tonight.

1385
01:25:38,334 --> 01:25:39,733
She was magnificent!

1386
01:25:39,801 --> 01:25:42,031
Unbelievable!
I wish I could do that!

1387
01:25:42,102 --> 01:25:43,535
- You can.
- I can.

1388
01:25:43,601 --> 01:25:45,569
I mean, I have a voice.

1389
01:25:45,635 --> 01:25:48,195
I Just need some snappy dialogue
from you, Jerry.

1390
01:25:48,268 --> 01:25:52,398
Absolutely. I'm sorry.
I'm, uh...

1391
01:25:52,469 --> 01:25:55,495
[Paula:] Ralph, don't give me much.
I've never had cocaine before.

1392
01:25:55,569 --> 01:25:58,129
- Okay, Just a little.
- Is that coc... what are you...

1393
01:25:58,202 --> 01:26:00,033
- Is that, uh...?
- It's blow.

1394
01:26:00,103 --> 01:26:04,904
Blow? What are you doing with blow?
And on my computer?

1395
01:26:04,969 --> 01:26:07,164
You're such a stick in the mud!

1396
01:26:07,236 --> 01:26:10,296
- You can partake.
- I'm not going to partake.

1397
01:26:10,370 --> 01:26:13,362
- What is going on?
- I said they'd wake you.

1398
01:26:13,436 --> 01:26:16,667
Mother, you know how
difficult it is for me to sleep.

1399
01:26:16,737 --> 01:26:18,898
I took two sleeping pills tonight.

1400
01:26:18,969 --> 01:26:22,461
We saw Elaine Stritch on Broadway.
You want some cocaine?

1401
01:26:22,536 --> 01:26:27,838
No, we don't want any cocaine, Amanda.

1402
01:26:27,903 --> 01:26:30,531
- I've never tried it.
- I've never tried lots of things!

1403
01:26:30,603 --> 01:26:33,538
- Bungee Jumping, alligator wrestling.
- I'd have a little.

1404
01:26:33,603 --> 01:26:36,766
- You don't know what you're doing!
- No fears, Jerry.

1405
01:26:36,837 --> 01:26:38,668
Ralph knows exactly what he's doing.

1406
01:26:38,737 --> 01:26:42,833
- Nothing to worry about.
- Great. I won't be a part of this.

1407
01:26:42,903 --> 01:26:45,030
[Paula:] You are so goddamn prissy!

1408
01:26:45,104 --> 01:26:46,833
Thank you very much, Paula.

1409
01:26:46,904 --> 01:26:50,271
She has a point.
You're never up for anything.

1410
01:26:50,337 --> 01:26:53,568
I'm up for things that
you're not up for. Okay?

1411
01:26:53,638 --> 01:26:57,233
- What is that supposed to mean?
- Nothing.

1412
01:26:57,305 --> 01:27:00,206
- [Snorting]
- I'm not going to snort cocaine, okay?

1413
01:27:00,271 --> 01:27:04,037
I'm a nice, square Jewish boy, okay?

1414
01:27:04,105 --> 01:27:07,404
I'm not putting anything up my nose.
My God, Paula!

1415
01:27:07,472 --> 01:27:09,997
- Are you kidding me?
- I don't know. I do it right?

1416
01:27:10,071 --> 01:27:12,665
It’ll make you feel sexy, Jerry.

1417
01:27:12,739 --> 01:27:15,037
Does it?
Does it make you feel sexy?

1418
01:27:15,105 --> 01:27:18,302
- [Ralph:] Sexy.
- This could be interesting.

1419
01:27:18,372 --> 01:27:21,773
Some people it makes feel sexy.
Other it makes belligerent.

1420
01:27:21,839 --> 01:27:23,670
With my luck, you'll take a knife to me.

1421
01:27:23,739 --> 01:27:26,230
[Ralph:] Come on, Just do a line!

1422
01:27:26,306 --> 01:27:30,003
You know what this does to your
nasal membranes? Eats them raw.

1423
01:27:30,072 --> 01:27:32,768
- Just do some with me.
- No!

1424
01:27:32,839 --> 01:27:36,206
Maybe it'll turn me on.

1425
01:27:36,272 --> 01:27:38,502
Darling, have a drink.

1426
01:27:38,573 --> 01:27:40,063
I have to talk to Dobel.

1427
01:27:40,139 --> 01:27:44,166
[Paula:] It's Just a social thing.
It's not like we're drug addicts.

1428
01:27:44,239 --> 01:27:47,140
They snorted cocaine!
Can you believe that?

1429
01:27:47,207 --> 01:27:51,303
My mother fed me Cheerios.
She's giving her daughter coke!

1430
01:27:51,374 --> 01:27:55,401
By the way, it did not
solve our problem in bed.

1431
01:27:55,474 --> 01:27:59,740
I was not making eyes
at my mother's boyfriend.

1432
01:27:59,806 --> 01:28:02,707
God, you're so paranoid.

1433
01:28:02,774 --> 01:28:05,038
Why would I be interested
in a horse whisperer

1434
01:28:05,107 --> 01:28:10,340
who lives in Topanga Canyon
and has one of those giant SUVs

1435
01:28:10,407 --> 01:28:13,740
and stupid German Shepherds
and chain saws.

1436
01:28:13,807 --> 01:28:16,742
How do you know
so much about him?

1437
01:28:16,807 --> 01:28:20,937
Well, he was interesting to talk to.

1438
01:28:21,007 --> 01:28:26,468
So you're saying you're on the defensive
because you wouldn't snort cocaine?

1439
01:28:26,540 --> 01:28:30,032
It's not the cocaine.
It's the principle.

1440
01:28:30,107 --> 01:28:33,099
- What principle?
- And, you know, she's not entirely wrong.

1441
01:28:33,173 --> 01:28:37,940
I mean, I am too rigid and disciplined.

1442
01:28:38,674 --> 01:28:42,405
- What is this?
- You don't want to know.

1443
01:28:42,474 --> 01:28:47,673
What is it, a monologue
for some alleged comedian

1444
01:28:47,741 --> 01:28:51,802
who thinks to be offensive
is in itself enough to be funny?

1445
01:28:51,874 --> 01:28:56,106
I wish it were.
I certainly can't write at home anymore.

1446
01:28:56,174 --> 01:29:00,406
- What is it?
- My contract extension with Harvey.

1447
01:29:01,108 --> 01:29:05,010
- Unsigned, of course.
- You don't understand, okay?

1448
01:29:05,075 --> 01:29:09,637
If I don't re-up with him,
he will truly die.

1449
01:29:09,708 --> 01:29:11,835
- He'll commit suicide.
- I understand.

1450
01:29:11,908 --> 01:29:14,433
No, I understand completely.

1451
01:29:14,509 --> 01:29:17,740
What are you doing?
Dobel, what the hell are you doing?!

1452
01:29:17,808 --> 01:29:20,572
- What is wrong with you?!
- Where are you meeting him?

1453
01:29:20,642 --> 01:29:22,371
What did you do?!

1454
01:29:22,442 --> 01:29:26,378
- At Isabella's. What did you do?
- Well, go in and tell him it's over.

1455
01:29:26,442 --> 01:29:30,640
Tell him you and I are going
to California to write as a team.

1456
01:29:30,709 --> 01:29:33,405
Are you insane?
Why did you tear this up?!

1457
01:29:33,476 --> 01:29:37,207
Because you're not spending
five more minutes with this guy,

1458
01:29:37,276 --> 01:29:40,177
much less seven years
with this fumbling vantz

1459
01:29:40,243 --> 01:29:42,541
who robs you blind with a sliding scale.

1460
01:29:42,610 --> 01:29:45,977
I can't tell him it's over, Dobel.
I cannot...

1461
01:29:46,043 --> 01:29:48,910
I'll go with you.
I'll sit in the place while you tell him.

1462
01:29:48,976 --> 01:29:51,774
I'll give you moral support.
And don't beat around the bush.

1463
01:29:51,844 --> 01:29:54,210
Once you tergiversate, you're lost.

1464
01:30:07,511 --> 01:30:10,173
I'm sorry I'm late.

1465
01:30:10,244 --> 01:30:13,304
My mom has this hyperactive thyroid.

1466
01:30:13,378 --> 01:30:17,178
Sorry.

1467
01:30:17,244 --> 01:30:19,144
I ran into Dick Mallory.

1468
01:30:19,211 --> 01:30:21,975
He's working with a comic
who needs material.

1469
01:30:22,045 --> 01:30:25,310
I naturally told him your price.

1470
01:30:25,378 --> 01:30:28,939
I said, you know, what you get.

1471
01:30:29,012 --> 01:30:31,947
The kid works dirty.
A lot of bathroom Jokes.

1472
01:30:32,012 --> 01:30:36,346
I said, "Look, Jerry Falk is a professional.

1473
01:30:36,412 --> 01:30:42,112
"If what you need are bathroom Jokes,
he can do them."

1474
01:30:42,178 --> 01:30:44,271
Harvey?

1475
01:30:44,345 --> 01:30:47,644
- What's wrong with your voice?
- We should talk.

1476
01:30:47,712 --> 01:30:50,010
Yeah. That's the way I am.

1477
01:30:50,079 --> 01:30:53,947
I always like to settle business
before the meal.

1478
01:30:54,013 --> 01:30:57,414
This way, you can relax
and enjoy lunch.

1479
01:30:57,480 --> 01:31:00,813
You brought the contract, right?

1480
01:31:01,713 --> 01:31:03,704
Harvey...

1481
01:31:03,780 --> 01:31:07,511
there's no question that you were there
for me from the start.

1482
01:31:07,580 --> 01:31:11,072
And if you think it's easy
selling an 18-year-old unknown...

1483
01:31:11,146 --> 01:31:13,580
it's a Jungle out there.

1484
01:31:13,646 --> 01:31:17,480
And, and you've done
a very professional Job.

1485
01:31:17,546 --> 01:31:21,482
And I've paid you...
I mean, the sliding scale.

1486
01:31:21,546 --> 01:31:25,004
You know, even though
it slid toward you.

1487
01:31:25,080 --> 01:31:28,413
Now... now I see myself

1488
01:31:28,481 --> 01:31:30,574
moving in a whole new direction.

1489
01:31:30,647 --> 01:31:32,342
Meaning?

1490
01:31:32,414 --> 01:31:36,510
Basically, I'm interested
in more serious things.

1491
01:31:36,581 --> 01:31:40,540
A novel, maybe some plays,
maybe not even comedy.

1492
01:31:42,447 --> 01:31:47,350
The dollars are in the Jokes.
Funny is money.

1493
01:31:47,415 --> 01:31:51,909
I mean, you know, as a hobby,
later, when you're rich

1494
01:31:51,981 --> 01:31:55,610
someday, if you want to try a book... fine.

1495
01:31:55,682 --> 01:31:59,413
Although... the young kids are not readers.

1496
01:31:59,482 --> 01:32:01,279
Harvey...

1497
01:32:01,348 --> 01:32:04,010
What? You're all flushed.

1498
01:32:05,515 --> 01:32:08,416
I'm not going to re-sign with you.

1499
01:32:08,482 --> 01:32:09,915
What?

1500
01:32:09,982 --> 01:32:14,442
Now I know this may be a little,
uh, disappointing to you,

1501
01:32:14,516 --> 01:32:19,249
but I'm moving to California
and reevaluating my priorities.

1502
01:32:19,316 --> 01:32:23,013
- You're what?
- I'm not going to need a manager.

1503
01:32:28,683 --> 01:32:30,708
You're not re-signing with me?

1504
01:32:30,783 --> 01:32:32,774
It's not the end of the world.

1505
01:32:32,850 --> 01:32:37,617
- You're dumping me?
- No, not dumping. I'm moving.

1506
01:32:37,683 --> 01:32:40,584
I'm changing my goals.
Don't take it badly.

1507
01:32:40,649 --> 01:32:44,050
No! My life...

1508
01:32:44,117 --> 01:32:48,349
My life is over.
You're not re-signing with me?!

1509
01:32:48,417 --> 01:32:50,282
Harvey, calm down.

1510
01:32:50,350 --> 01:32:53,786
But my future! My plans!

1511
01:32:53,851 --> 01:32:57,480
The humiliation!
You're dumping me!

1512
01:32:57,550 --> 01:32:59,347
You're overreacting.

1513
01:32:59,417 --> 01:33:02,511
You ungrateful,

1514
01:33:02,584 --> 01:33:06,520
phony, two-timing...
you louse!

1515
01:33:06,584 --> 01:33:09,052
Folks, this is not what you think.

1516
01:33:09,118 --> 01:33:12,679
- I've invested all my dreams in you!
- I'm leaving town.

1517
01:33:12,751 --> 01:33:15,447
- What have I done wrong?!
- Nothing.

1518
01:33:15,518 --> 01:33:17,850
- How have I failed you?!
- You've been great.

1519
01:33:17,918 --> 01:33:19,613
Can we discuss this elsewhere?

1520
01:33:19,685 --> 01:33:24,122
This is the loyalty I get
for years of struggle?!

1521
01:33:24,185 --> 01:33:26,847
Harvey, not everybody
signs every contract for life.

1522
01:33:26,918 --> 01:33:31,946
The room is turning black!
Turning black!

1523
01:33:32,019 --> 01:33:34,510
Air! Air!

1524
01:33:38,319 --> 01:33:40,617
Dobel! Dobel!

1525
01:33:40,686 --> 01:33:43,678
He's firing me!
This is the payoff I get!

1526
01:33:43,753 --> 01:33:46,017
- I'm out!
- He's taking it badly.

1527
01:33:46,085 --> 01:33:49,077
- Pains in my chest!
- Can we get some brandy for him?

1528
01:33:49,152 --> 01:33:51,950
Please reconsider.
Tell him to reconsider.

1529
01:33:52,020 --> 01:33:54,113
I'll go home and think about it.

1530
01:33:54,186 --> 01:33:57,986
Listen to me!
He's not reconsidering.

1531
01:33:58,053 --> 01:34:00,419
He's moving on.
Get on with your life.

1532
01:34:00,487 --> 01:34:02,614
[People gasping]

1533
01:34:04,653 --> 01:34:06,484
Everybody, stand back.
Relax.

1534
01:34:06,553 --> 01:34:08,384
Oh, my God!

1535
01:34:08,453 --> 01:34:10,648
[Dobel:] There seems to be
a pulse beat here.

1536
01:34:10,720 --> 01:34:13,416
- [Falk:] What have I done?
- We should get an ambulance.

1537
01:34:13,487 --> 01:34:16,251
An ambulance? What have I done?
Oh, my God!

1538
01:34:16,320 --> 01:34:18,720
Relax. The paramedics
will pound on the chest.

1539
01:34:18,787 --> 01:34:21,984
I killed him!
I shouldn't have listened to you.

1540
01:34:22,054 --> 01:34:26,718
Sometimes the victim comes back.
You don't need a manager.

1541
01:34:26,787 --> 01:34:29,312
Well, maybe not,
but I don't need him to die.

1542
01:34:29,388 --> 01:34:33,950
Relax! If he dies because
you don't sign a contract with him,

1543
01:34:34,021 --> 01:34:36,785
then you should have
nothing to do with him.

1544
01:34:36,855 --> 01:34:38,322
Harvey?

1545
01:34:39,388 --> 01:34:44,257
[Falk:] Harvey did not die.
As Dobel predicted, he survived.

1546
01:34:44,321 --> 01:34:47,381
I walked around in the city,
trying to get my thoughts in order.

1547
01:34:47,454 --> 01:34:51,720
Whenever I'm unsure or troubled,
I take to the city streets.

1548
01:34:51,788 --> 01:34:53,949
Walking in New York clears my head.

1549
01:34:54,022 --> 01:34:56,115
I couldn't deny it.

1550
01:34:56,188 --> 01:34:59,749
There was a feeling of freedom,
of exhilaration.

1551
01:34:59,822 --> 01:35:01,551
[Falk:] Hey!

1552
01:35:01,622 --> 01:35:03,556
- Hi!
- Hey.

1553
01:35:03,622 --> 01:35:05,556
Jerry, you remember Connie.

1554
01:35:05,622 --> 01:35:08,750
- Connie, nice to see you.
- I invited her for dinner.

1555
01:35:08,822 --> 01:35:11,154
- You're cooking?
- Yes.

1556
01:35:11,223 --> 01:35:13,691
I'm making spaghetti.

1557
01:35:13,756 --> 01:35:16,156
He makes fun of me
because I only know how

1558
01:35:16,223 --> 01:35:18,453
to make spaghetti for eight people.

1559
01:35:18,523 --> 01:35:21,617
I can't change
the recipe proportionally.

1560
01:35:21,690 --> 01:35:25,319
So tonight we'll be having
five extra portions.

1561
01:35:25,390 --> 01:35:29,326
[Falk:] I have news!
I've parted ways with Harvey.

1562
01:35:29,390 --> 01:35:31,415
Oh.

1563
01:35:31,490 --> 01:35:33,390
The spaghetti for eight is terrific.

1564
01:35:33,456 --> 01:35:35,185
Let me explain what happened.

1565
01:35:35,256 --> 01:35:38,089
There I am, having a nice time,
a little drunk.

1566
01:35:38,157 --> 01:35:42,059
I have two drinks and I'm ready
to hold up a Brink's truck.

1567
01:35:42,124 --> 01:35:46,959
I start to see what it is about Connie
that Amanda had raved about.

1568
01:35:47,024 --> 01:35:50,858
She was very charming
and pretty and smart.

1569
01:35:50,923 --> 01:35:55,656
I started to get the feeling
that she was finding me engaging.

1570
01:35:55,724 --> 01:35:59,490
I've never found conventionally
handsome men attractive.

1571
01:35:59,557 --> 01:36:02,458
I much prefer faces with character.

1572
01:36:02,524 --> 01:36:07,427
I've fallen for some pretty
odd-looking men in my life.

1573
01:36:07,491 --> 01:36:11,951
[Falk:] After dinner, I found myself
alone in the kitchen with Connie

1574
01:36:12,025 --> 01:36:14,084
and wanting to touch her.

1575
01:36:14,158 --> 01:36:18,322
I say this because it was the first time
since meeting Amanda

1576
01:36:18,392 --> 01:36:20,485
I'd even looked at another woman.

1577
01:36:20,558 --> 01:36:24,688
And I began to feel that
maybe the time had come for me

1578
01:36:24,759 --> 01:36:28,456
to pack up and start over
in California with Dobel.

1579
01:36:28,525 --> 01:36:32,393
I'm terminating our sessions and
moving to California with Dobel.

1580
01:36:32,458 --> 01:36:34,653
There's a Job waiting for us.

1581
01:36:34,725 --> 01:36:38,559
I'll miss New York,
but if I can accumulate enough money,

1582
01:36:38,626 --> 01:36:42,460
I can return and work on
my own projects.

1583
01:36:42,526 --> 01:36:45,256
What do you think about my decision?

1584
01:36:45,326 --> 01:36:48,193
What do you think about it?

1585
01:36:51,326 --> 01:36:55,558
I told them I'm leaving.
I gave notice and I won't starve.

1586
01:36:55,626 --> 01:36:58,857
I've saved some money.
The thing I'll miss most is the kids.

1587
01:36:58,926 --> 01:37:01,793
The kids are wonderful. Bright.

1588
01:37:01,860 --> 01:37:04,488
You should see the creative ways

1589
01:37:04,560 --> 01:37:08,326
they smuggle weapons
past the metal detectors. It's amazing.

1590
01:37:08,394 --> 01:37:10,362
- Now you have to tell Amanda.
- I know.

1591
01:37:10,427 --> 01:37:11,860
And don't tergiversate.

1592
01:37:11,926 --> 01:37:15,589
Did I tergiversate with Harvey?
Huh? No.

1593
01:37:15,660 --> 01:37:17,753
I don't even know what the hell
"tergiversate" means,

1594
01:37:17,827 --> 01:37:20,921
so how can I tergiversate?

1595
01:37:20,994 --> 01:37:22,723
Ahh, she'll die.

1596
01:37:24,695 --> 01:37:28,927
Amanda?
Amanda, I want to talk with you.

1597
01:37:28,995 --> 01:37:30,223
- Hi.
- Hi.

1598
01:37:30,296 --> 01:37:33,390
- I want to talk about something.
- I need to talk to you, too.

1599
01:37:33,462 --> 01:37:37,193
I think I should go first,
'cause it's pretty serious.

1600
01:37:37,262 --> 01:37:40,060
Me, too.

1601
01:37:40,129 --> 01:37:44,156
- Can we sit down?
- Yeah, I think we should sit.

1602
01:37:48,462 --> 01:37:51,022
- I'm moving to Los Angeles.
- I'm moving out.

1603
01:37:51,096 --> 01:37:52,791
What?

1604
01:37:52,863 --> 01:37:55,525
I want to be totally honest
with you, Jerry.

1605
01:37:55,597 --> 01:37:59,499
I've met someone and developed
very strong feelings for him.

1606
01:37:59,564 --> 01:38:02,499
- You met someone?
- Yes.

1607
01:38:02,564 --> 01:38:06,159
- Have you been having an affair?
- No, and I don't want to.

1608
01:38:06,230 --> 01:38:09,358
I can't do all that lying
and sneaking around.

1609
01:38:09,430 --> 01:38:12,194
- Well, where did you meet him?
- In passing.

1610
01:38:12,263 --> 01:38:16,131
You must have spent time with him
to have feelings for him.

1611
01:38:16,198 --> 01:38:20,032
We've had a few drinks, nothing heavy.
Just a few chats.

1612
01:38:20,097 --> 01:38:22,088
So you have been seeing someone.

1613
01:38:22,164 --> 01:38:24,860
I've had a couple
of casual conversations.

1614
01:38:24,931 --> 01:38:26,489
You slept with him?

1615
01:38:26,565 --> 01:38:28,999
My God, Jerry.
What do you think I am?

1616
01:38:29,064 --> 01:38:32,864
- Have you?
- Once. And very quickly.

1617
01:38:32,932 --> 01:38:35,560
I had to see if we were
sexually compatible.

1618
01:38:35,631 --> 01:38:38,498
I refused to let myself have an affair.

1619
01:38:38,565 --> 01:38:42,592
That's why I'm being so honest.
I want to be straightforward.

1620
01:38:42,665 --> 01:38:48,035
I'm at a loss for words.
I, uh, I...

1621
01:38:48,098 --> 01:38:51,431
I don't know what to say.
I'm completely taken aback.

1622
01:38:51,499 --> 01:38:55,401
I'll be moving out.
Everything will be clean and honest.

1623
01:38:55,465 --> 01:38:58,798
Mom will stay here
till Phil and I get settled.

1624
01:38:58,866 --> 01:39:01,061
- Phil?
- It'll only be a month,

1625
01:39:01,132 --> 01:39:03,430
until Phil's divorce comes through.

1626
01:39:03,499 --> 01:39:08,801
No. Your mother's not staying here.
I said I'm moving to California.

1627
01:39:08,866 --> 01:39:11,960
- I won't be here.
- That's so great!

1628
01:39:12,033 --> 01:39:13,625
Did you get a Job out there?

1629
01:39:13,699 --> 01:39:18,432
Yes. Dobel and I, on a TV show.

1630
01:39:18,500 --> 01:39:21,936
That's wonderful.
You'll knock 'em dead out there.

1631
01:39:21,999 --> 01:39:27,266
Idiots who are total losers in New York
go to L.A. And become millionaires.

1632
01:39:27,333 --> 01:39:29,995
God, this is so much better this way.

1633
01:39:30,067 --> 01:39:33,264
It was unfair, the way we were living,

1634
01:39:33,334 --> 01:39:38,328
you having to put up with my stupid
inability to function sexually

1635
01:39:38,401 --> 01:39:41,893
and me hating myself all the time.

1636
01:39:42,568 --> 01:39:46,402
This is sad, but it's for the best.

1637
01:39:48,167 --> 01:39:52,194
You know what would be
kind of romantic?

1638
01:39:52,267 --> 01:39:55,668
If we were to make love,
Just one last time.

1639
01:39:55,734 --> 01:39:58,897
- For old times' sake.
- I thought you couldn't.

1640
01:39:58,968 --> 01:40:03,166
Everything's different now.
The psychodynamic has changed.

1641
01:40:04,235 --> 01:40:07,898
Who knows?
Maybe we'll end up having an affair.

1642
01:40:15,001 --> 01:40:18,732
[Falk:] I did it! I did it.
I cut all the ties.

1643
01:40:18,801 --> 01:40:21,065
I feel free and exhilarated

1644
01:40:21,135 --> 01:40:24,263
like I'm falling through space.

1645
01:40:24,334 --> 01:40:27,064
I feel confident
and I'm very positive,

1646
01:40:27,135 --> 01:40:30,798
but also like I'm buried alive.
I don't know.

1647
01:40:30,868 --> 01:40:33,428
I'm sure once we get to L.A.
And start working...

1648
01:40:33,502 --> 01:40:36,494
Speaking of which,
I Just bought some luggage.

1649
01:40:36,569 --> 01:40:40,369
What's wrong?
You sound all weird.

1650
01:40:40,435 --> 01:40:41,959
Where? Now?

1651
01:40:42,035 --> 01:40:47,530
I don't think I know where that spot
in the park is. Where is it?

1652
01:40:47,602 --> 01:40:50,366
All right. I'll find it.

1653
01:41:02,169 --> 01:41:04,865
- You're late!
- Could you pick a more secluded spot?

1654
01:41:04,936 --> 01:41:08,099
- Did anyone follow you?
- No! No one followed me.

1655
01:41:08,169 --> 01:41:12,697
- Wait until I tell you what Amanda said.
- I have to explain something to you.

1656
01:41:12,770 --> 01:41:16,570
Due to circumstances,
I think I should really

1657
01:41:16,636 --> 01:41:21,835
get away to a less conspicuous venue.
Maybe like Alaska or something.

1658
01:41:21,903 --> 01:41:24,929
- What are you talking about?
- You have to go by yourself.

1659
01:41:25,004 --> 01:41:27,234
- I'm not going.
- What?

1660
01:41:27,304 --> 01:41:31,297
You have the Job. It's there
waiting for you. It's all done.

1661
01:41:31,371 --> 01:41:35,102
No, no, no.
That's not the deal.

1662
01:41:35,170 --> 01:41:37,638
We go as a team, Dobel.

1663
01:41:37,704 --> 01:41:40,264
You're grown up.
You can handle it alone.

1664
01:41:40,337 --> 01:41:42,897
I don't understand.
What happened?

1665
01:41:42,971 --> 01:41:44,404
You don't want to know.

1666
01:41:44,471 --> 01:41:47,872
You can't cop out
and not give me an explanation.

1667
01:41:47,938 --> 01:41:51,874
I've changed my whole life around.
What happened?

1668
01:41:51,938 --> 01:41:55,772
Just some nonsense, Falk.
You know.

1669
01:41:55,838 --> 01:41:59,706
The other night,
I was out of state.

1670
01:41:59,772 --> 01:42:02,263
Don't ask me where.
The less you know, the better.

1671
01:42:02,338 --> 01:42:05,364
I was trying to sell my car

1672
01:42:05,438 --> 01:42:09,374
to a potential buyer as a preamble
to our trip to California.

1673
01:42:09,438 --> 01:42:12,635
And I was coming home,
speeding a little bit.

1674
01:42:12,705 --> 01:42:17,699
What's the fun of having a car like that
if you can't get a little velocity going?

1675
01:42:17,772 --> 01:42:21,765
And I was stopped
by two state troopers.

1676
01:42:21,839 --> 01:42:27,072
They were exceptionally nasty,
and one thing led to another.

1677
01:42:27,139 --> 01:42:29,471
They made some remarks
and got physical,

1678
01:42:29,539 --> 01:42:33,373
and I made some remarks,
and they got a little rough,

1679
01:42:33,439 --> 01:42:39,605
and the next thing I knew,
they made some crack about my religion,

1680
01:42:39,673 --> 01:42:41,334
which I found in poor taste.

1681
01:42:41,407 --> 01:42:44,205
Religion? You're an atheist.

1682
01:42:44,273 --> 01:42:46,741
Yes, I'm an atheist, but...

1683
01:42:46,806 --> 01:42:50,572
but I resented the fact,
however obliquely

1684
01:42:50,640 --> 01:42:55,009
that they implied Auschwitz
was basically a theme park.

1685
01:42:55,074 --> 01:42:58,475
Anyhow, a little bloodied,
I returned to my apartment

1686
01:42:58,540 --> 01:43:04,103
and got one of my many weapons,
and I returned to find them.

1687
01:43:04,174 --> 01:43:07,803
Don't you dare tell me you shot them.

1688
01:43:07,874 --> 01:43:10,968
I couldn't find both of them,
only one.

1689
01:43:11,041 --> 01:43:15,034
As fate turned out, I located
the more porcine of the two.

1690
01:43:15,108 --> 01:43:17,042
How serious?

1691
01:43:17,108 --> 01:43:22,011
In a satirical mood,
I thought it would be amusing

1692
01:43:22,075 --> 01:43:26,808
if I shot him in the ass,
but it was dark and I was nervous,

1693
01:43:26,875 --> 01:43:31,642
and, you know,
time has diminished my accuracy.

1694
01:43:31,708 --> 01:43:33,539
[Falk sighs] Dobel!

1695
01:43:34,442 --> 01:43:36,433
Dobel!

1696
01:43:36,509 --> 01:43:38,101
My God!

1697
01:43:38,175 --> 01:43:43,135
I always knew I would use
the survival kit one day.

1698
01:43:43,209 --> 01:43:49,341
It's Just for a period of time
until everything blows over, I suppose.

1699
01:43:49,409 --> 01:43:53,846
God. Oh, Dobel.

1700
01:43:55,043 --> 01:43:57,011
Dobel.

1701
01:44:14,310 --> 01:44:16,301
[Falk:] I never knew
if Dobel's story was true

1702
01:44:16,377 --> 01:44:19,642
or just a piece of fiction
he used to get me to go alone.

1703
01:44:19,710 --> 01:44:23,806
I never saw or heard from him again.

1704
01:44:23,877 --> 01:44:27,369
For all I know, he's ice fishing
somewhere in the Yukon.

1705
01:44:27,444 --> 01:44:32,108
I thought a lot about that strange,
sad, improbable character

1706
01:44:32,177 --> 01:44:35,874
and remembered very fondly
our afternoons in Central Park.

1707
01:44:35,945 --> 01:44:40,712
[Dobel:] In life, they'll be no shortage
of people who'll tell you how to live.

1708
01:44:40,778 --> 01:44:44,305
They'll have all the answers...
what you should do and not do.

1709
01:44:44,378 --> 01:44:48,474
Don't argue with them.
Say, "Yes, that's a brilliant idea,"

1710
01:44:48,544 --> 01:44:50,239
and do what you want.

1711
01:44:50,312 --> 01:44:53,839
Whenever you write,
strive for originality,

1712
01:44:53,911 --> 01:44:56,539
but if you have to steal,
steal from the best.

1713
01:44:56,612 --> 01:45:00,605
And if you take very good care
of your styptic pencil

1714
01:45:00,679 --> 01:45:02,613
and dry it after every shave,

1715
01:45:02,679 --> 01:45:05,876
it'll last longer than most
relationships you're in.

1716
01:45:05,946 --> 01:45:09,438
[Falk:] The seminal Joke about Dobel
is the old one-liner:

1717
01:45:09,512 --> 01:45:13,573
That even a clock that's broken
is right twice a day.

1718
01:45:13,645 --> 01:45:17,479
Dobel had a real sense of irony
and would have appreciated

1719
01:45:17,546 --> 01:45:20,447
that I got one last,
to use his word,

1720
01:45:20,513 --> 01:45:25,644
adventitious glimpse of Amanda
as I was leaving for JFK.

1721
01:45:42,114 --> 01:45:43,672
The doctor!

1722
01:45:45,813 --> 01:45:48,145
I knew that doctor was hot for her.

1723
01:45:48,214 --> 01:45:50,079
[Cab driver:] What'd you say?

1724
01:45:50,147 --> 01:45:54,311
I was Just saying how strange life is,

1725
01:45:54,381 --> 01:45:57,509
how full of inexplicable mystery.

1726
01:45:57,581 --> 01:46:01,142
[Driver:] Well, you know,
it's like anything else.