1 00:00:10,428 --> 00:00:11,846 WOMAN: I just don't want to make one of these tapes 2 00:00:12,013 --> 00:00:13,765 if it's something you do with every girl. 3 00:00:13,932 --> 00:00:18,520 MAN: Every girl? No, no. I am strictly a one-woman guy. 4 00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,967 WOMAN: Well, I don't want to end up all over the Internet. 5 00:00:20,980 --> 00:00:23,149 I pride myself on keeping a low profile. 6 00:00:23,316 --> 00:00:25,735 - My private life is private. - Hm. 7 00:00:27,111 --> 00:00:31,157 Wait. I thought you never did this before. What are all these? 8 00:00:31,324 --> 00:00:34,202 Oh, uh, just some movies I rented. 9 00:00:34,953 --> 00:00:36,074 "Me and Brandy, Missionary"? 10 00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:38,915 A tale of two girls who become nuns. 11 00:00:39,082 --> 00:00:40,458 "Me and Brandy, Doggy"? 12 00:00:40,625 --> 00:00:44,128 The sequel. The nuns adopt a chocolate lab. 13 00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:46,297 What are all those? 14 00:00:46,464 --> 00:00:47,799 Oh, that's just your standard 15 00:00:47,966 --> 00:00:50,343 home security setup. Basic run-of-the mill. 16 00:00:50,510 --> 00:00:53,012 No big deal, nothing too elaborate. Everybody has them. 17 00:00:53,179 --> 00:00:55,890 And why do you need security cameras pointing at your bed? 18 00:00:56,057 --> 00:00:58,351 In case a burglar tries to steal my sex tapes. 19 00:00:58,518 --> 00:00:59,769 Now, let's get into bed. 20 00:00:59,936 --> 00:01:02,536 Let's just make this quick. I have a court hearing in the morning. 21 00:01:02,647 --> 00:01:05,441 - Judge Henderson? - No. I wish. Thompson. 22 00:01:05,608 --> 00:01:07,694 Mm. That's going to suck for you. 23 00:01:07,860 --> 00:01:10,196 It was a driving mishap thingy. 24 00:01:10,363 --> 00:01:12,282 Do me a favor. Promise me you won't drive. 25 00:01:12,448 --> 00:01:14,325 That's sweet. You're worried about me driving. 26 00:01:14,492 --> 00:01:17,579 Mm-mm. I'm worried about me. I'm a pedestrian. 27 00:01:18,871 --> 00:01:20,206 (ELECTRICAL BUZZ) - Ow! 28 00:01:20,373 --> 00:01:22,834 Sorry. That's my sobriety monitor. 29 00:01:24,669 --> 00:01:25,670 (ELECTRICAL BUZZ) - Ow! 30 00:01:25,837 --> 00:01:27,839 Sorry. Sorry. (CLEARS THROAT) 31 00:01:28,006 --> 00:01:29,591 Ankle. Tracking bracelet. 32 00:01:31,134 --> 00:01:33,386 - Oh, wait. Wait. Sorry, just... (MOTOR RUMBLING) 33 00:01:35,513 --> 00:01:37,557 - Who put that on you? - I did. 34 00:01:37,724 --> 00:01:39,309 It's the only way I can have an orgasm. 35 00:01:40,977 --> 00:01:42,937 - Not tonight. (EXHALES) 36 00:01:44,814 --> 00:01:46,524 (BED SPRINGS SQUEAKING) 37 00:01:51,321 --> 00:01:53,990 - What are you doing? - Huh? 38 00:01:55,199 --> 00:01:58,244 Just... warming up. 39 00:02:00,663 --> 00:02:03,207 You sure we're alone here? Feels like there's somebody else in this house. 40 00:02:03,374 --> 00:02:05,835 (SCREAM ECHOING) - Did you hear that? 41 00:02:06,002 --> 00:02:08,212 That's nothing. 42 00:02:08,379 --> 00:02:09,619 (CREAKING) - OK, what is that? 43 00:02:09,672 --> 00:02:11,966 Just... unraveling the old hose. 44 00:02:12,925 --> 00:02:14,802 Save it for tomorrow, Raul. 45 00:02:14,969 --> 00:02:16,596 Si, senor. 46 00:02:17,347 --> 00:02:19,682 (SOFT JAZZ PLAYING) 47 00:02:22,101 --> 00:02:24,312 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 48 00:03:05,019 --> 00:03:06,145 (BELL DINGS) 49 00:03:13,569 --> 00:03:15,029 (BELL DINGS) 50 00:03:19,117 --> 00:03:20,118 (HORN HONKS) 51 00:03:31,087 --> 00:03:32,880 - Wow. That was amazing. (PANTING) 52 00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:34,507 (HORSE WHINNIES) 53 00:03:37,218 --> 00:03:38,219 LINDSAY: Charlie. 54 00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:41,639 - Wow. - Get out of here, Emilio. 55 00:03:41,806 --> 00:03:43,099 (SHRIEK ECHOES) (GASPS) 56 00:03:43,266 --> 00:03:44,475 (GROANING) 57 00:03:44,642 --> 00:03:46,310 Charlie, I'm scared. 58 00:03:46,477 --> 00:03:48,437 Lindsay, sweetie, there's nothing to be afraid of. 59 00:03:48,563 --> 00:03:50,022 (SCREAMING) 60 00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:53,651 (SHRIEKS) (CELL PHONE RINGING) 61 00:03:53,818 --> 00:03:56,178 MAN: Hey, I got the stuff. - I got to call you back, man. 62 00:03:56,821 --> 00:03:58,614 (GROANS) Ow! 63 00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:02,660 (BOTH SCREAMING) 64 00:04:06,998 --> 00:04:08,458 I think I better go. 65 00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:11,085 Really? How about tomorrow? You busy? 66 00:04:11,252 --> 00:04:12,962 (SCREAMING) 67 00:04:15,298 --> 00:04:18,009 I'm going to blow you across the room. 68 00:04:18,176 --> 00:04:19,469 Sounds awesome. 69 00:04:19,635 --> 00:04:21,888 (HISSES) (GRUNTS) 70 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:54,003 NARRATOR: And thus our story begins. 71 00:04:54,170 --> 00:04:57,673 The large reward offered for the rescue of Charlie's kids 72 00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,384 drew the attention of police, private detectives 73 00:05:00,551 --> 00:05:02,929 and Red Cross volunteers. 74 00:05:03,095 --> 00:05:06,140 Everyone was on high alert for these children, 75 00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:08,184 except these two guys. 76 00:05:08,351 --> 00:05:11,813 No, man, Obamacare gives senior citizens access to cheaper drugs, 77 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:16,108 free preventative care, and it closes the Medicare Part D loophole. 78 00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:18,903 And how does that help if I get shampoo in my dick hole? 79 00:05:19,070 --> 00:05:20,613 - What? - Mean to tell me you ain't never got 80 00:05:20,780 --> 00:05:22,406 - shampoo in your pee hole? - OK. 81 00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:24,075 - Maybe like once or twice. - Yeah, once or twice 82 00:05:24,242 --> 00:05:25,827 when you was playing with yourself. 83 00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,745 No, I wasn't playing with myself. 84 00:05:27,912 --> 00:05:30,081 I was showering, and crazy got up in there. 85 00:05:30,248 --> 00:05:33,084 Bullshit. Cam Newton's law of gravity is: 86 00:05:33,251 --> 00:05:36,337 That thing must be up in order for that soap to go down. 87 00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:39,340 Well, either way, that shit stings like hell. 88 00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:42,176 Sting like a mother, man, it feel like it's a hornet up in there. 89 00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:45,429 And he found out his girl be, you know, doing her thing with another man. 90 00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:47,473 - Exactly. - I don't understand why 91 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,392 the shampoo company can't fix that, man. 92 00:05:49,559 --> 00:05:51,102 They got "No More Tears." 93 00:05:51,269 --> 00:05:52,979 Why they can't make no more hornets in your dick? 94 00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:56,941 I don't really think they expect you to use the No More Tears on your dick. 95 00:05:57,108 --> 00:05:58,709 Well, why they call it Johnson & Johnson? 96 00:05:58,860 --> 00:06:01,420 I got a better question, man. What the hell are two stoners doing 97 00:06:01,487 --> 00:06:03,197 wandering around these spooky-ass woods? 98 00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:06,742 Look, it's going to be worth it. I told you... this is Humboldt County. 99 00:06:06,909 --> 00:06:09,996 This is where all the growers grow their bomb-ass shit. 100 00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:12,206 You think they're gonna be cool with us just helping ourselves? 101 00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:13,875 Look, man, we ain't taking no plants. 102 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,161 We're gonna snip a few buds. You know what I'm saying? 103 00:06:16,168 --> 00:06:17,753 It's gonna grow back just like a lobster paw. 104 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,171 You know, that's how nature do. 105 00:06:19,338 --> 00:06:21,018 I don't know, man. Just doesn't feel right. 106 00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:23,493 Man, they ain't gonna care. Look, man, we're gonna be cool. 107 00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:26,095 We're gonna roll one blunt, then we're gonna get up out of here. 108 00:06:26,262 --> 00:06:28,180 - Just one? - Just one. 109 00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:29,348 (MEN SHOUTING) (HELICOPTER WHIRRING) 110 00:06:29,515 --> 00:06:31,642 - They won't care, huh? - Man, just keep running. 111 00:06:31,809 --> 00:06:34,937 Holy shit. Is that a drone? They're going all Zero Dark Thirty on our ass. 112 00:06:35,104 --> 00:06:36,355 (WHOOSHING) (SCREAMS) 113 00:06:39,859 --> 00:06:41,694 Yo, I think they gone. 114 00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:48,659 Oh, whoa. It's a cabin in the woods. We need to go hide over in there. 115 00:06:48,826 --> 00:06:50,161 Nah, man, I'm not going in there. 116 00:06:50,328 --> 00:06:51,537 It reminds me of a horror movie I once saw. 117 00:06:51,704 --> 00:06:54,874 - What horror movie? - The one with the cabin in the woods. 118 00:06:55,041 --> 00:06:56,542 - Friday the 13th? - No. 119 00:06:56,709 --> 00:06:58,210 The one with the cabin in the woods. 120 00:06:58,377 --> 00:06:59,712 Texas Chain Saw Massacre? 121 00:06:59,879 --> 00:07:01,923 No, the one with the cabin in the woods. 122 00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:03,466 - The Ring. - Uh-uh. 123 00:07:03,633 --> 00:07:06,260 - The one with the cabin in the woods. - Blair Witch Project. 124 00:07:06,427 --> 00:07:08,679 No, man, the one with the cabin in the woods. 125 00:07:08,846 --> 00:07:10,556 - The Munsters. - That wasn't in the woods. 126 00:07:10,723 --> 00:07:12,558 - They wasn't even a damn movie. - Look, man, 127 00:07:12,725 --> 00:07:14,365 we ain't got time for this shit right now. 128 00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:16,312 We need to get to that cabin in the woods. 129 00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:18,314 (GROANING) 130 00:07:31,702 --> 00:07:33,788 (CREAKING) - What the hell is that sound? 131 00:07:33,955 --> 00:07:36,666 Sound like the house settling. It looked new. 132 00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:38,584 - I'm gonna take a look around. - Go ahead. 133 00:07:42,088 --> 00:07:43,089 Ah! What is that? 134 00:07:49,762 --> 00:07:51,180 - Ah! - Ow! 135 00:07:51,806 --> 00:07:54,558 (GROANS) Where we shooting? - There. 136 00:07:54,725 --> 00:07:56,018 - Where? - The dark! 137 00:07:56,185 --> 00:07:57,603 - There? - No, this dark. 138 00:07:58,437 --> 00:07:59,355 Over there. 139 00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:04,402 Dude, what the hell was that? 140 00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:07,279 Big-ass Alaskan king crab just ran up on me, man. 141 00:08:07,446 --> 00:08:09,073 - Crab? Cuz, we banging? - Ja'Marcus, 142 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,441 - put the guns down, man. - Put yours down first, homey. 143 00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:14,829 All right, on three. One, two, three. 144 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:17,623 - Damn. - You want to try it again? 145 00:08:17,790 --> 00:08:20,960 Sure. One, two, three. 146 00:08:23,129 --> 00:08:24,714 One, two, three. 147 00:08:26,841 --> 00:08:30,720 Uno, dos, tres. 148 00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:32,972 Man, we could do this shit all day. 149 00:08:33,139 --> 00:08:34,807 - Truce? - Truce. 150 00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:39,478 Hey, yo, D'Andre. Look, homey. It's two little girls. 151 00:08:39,812 --> 00:08:41,772 - They're little racist girls, man. (GROWLING) 152 00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:45,151 Wearing blackface. Cool with that? 153 00:08:45,776 --> 00:08:48,738 - Hey, little girl, what's your name? (GROWLING) 154 00:08:48,904 --> 00:08:51,991 (MOCKING GROWL) (GROWLING) 155 00:08:52,158 --> 00:08:53,659 - What'd she say? - She said, "I wonder what your leg" 156 00:08:53,826 --> 00:08:55,119 - "tastes like." - What? Ah, man! 157 00:08:55,286 --> 00:08:56,620 Little spider girl bit me. 158 00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:57,997 Maybe you're going to get superpowers. 159 00:08:58,164 --> 00:08:59,999 - Ain't no black superheroes. - I'm on it. 160 00:09:00,166 --> 00:09:01,584 - Hi-ya! (GRUNTS) 161 00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:08,007 Yo. D'Andre, I think they're the missing kids from the news. 162 00:09:08,174 --> 00:09:09,508 - How can you be so sure? - Look. 163 00:09:10,843 --> 00:09:12,887 D'ANDRE: I don't know, man. - Well, if it is the missing kids, 164 00:09:13,054 --> 00:09:15,174 I'm gonna take that reward money, and I'm gonna buy me 165 00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:18,225 a yacht, fill it with cash, bitches and a shark. 166 00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:19,753 Why would you want to buy a shark? 167 00:09:19,894 --> 00:09:21,812 Trust me... we're gonna need a shark. 168 00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:29,195 No, this can't be right. 169 00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:32,990 (BEEPING) 170 00:09:35,785 --> 00:09:36,994 (GRUNTING) 171 00:09:37,161 --> 00:09:39,830 (URINATING) (GROANING) 172 00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:42,750 (RINGING) 173 00:09:42,917 --> 00:09:44,335 Hi, Mom. (SHRIEKS) 174 00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,921 I got to call you back. 175 00:09:48,047 --> 00:09:49,965 No baby, no baby, no baby, no baby. 176 00:09:50,132 --> 00:09:51,133 (BEEPING) 177 00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:52,780 FEMALE VOICE: You're pregnant... - No! 178 00:09:52,802 --> 00:09:56,722 ...with anticipation over the outcome of this iPregnancy test, 179 00:09:56,889 --> 00:09:59,809 which has determined that you are... 180 00:09:59,975 --> 00:10:01,352 You got to be kidding me. 181 00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:04,230 Oh, no. 182 00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:05,940 Not pregnant. 183 00:10:06,107 --> 00:10:07,983 You dodged a bullet, you lucky slut. 184 00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:11,070 (SIGHS) Thank you, God. Sweet! 185 00:10:12,321 --> 00:10:15,407 Great news: They found my brother's kids. 186 00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:16,826 Oh, crap. 187 00:10:16,992 --> 00:10:19,578 MAN: We're very fortunate the older one, Kathy, has retained 188 00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:21,205 most of her vocabulary. 189 00:10:21,372 --> 00:10:23,499 The baby hasn't actually said a word. 190 00:10:23,666 --> 00:10:26,961 - Why not? - Because he's a baby. 191 00:10:27,128 --> 00:10:30,548 They've been alone here over three long months. 192 00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:35,344 I need to warn both of you that this is not going to be easy. 193 00:10:35,511 --> 00:10:37,596 I'm ready for it. 194 00:10:37,763 --> 00:10:40,266 - Hello. - No, no. Wrong window. 195 00:10:40,432 --> 00:10:42,935 Here's where the children are. 196 00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:47,439 (PANTING) 197 00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:49,650 - What is she doing? MAN: In order to survive 198 00:10:49,817 --> 00:10:53,279 their extreme isolation, the girls created an imaginary guardian, 199 00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:57,658 a parent figure to feed them, sing to them. They call her Mama. 200 00:10:57,825 --> 00:11:00,452 But these may help you break through. 201 00:11:00,619 --> 00:11:02,329 And the Ritalin may help, as well. 202 00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:04,748 The proper dosage for someone their age is... 203 00:11:04,915 --> 00:11:06,208 Wish me luck. 204 00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:08,711 (CHILD PANTING) 205 00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:12,256 Hey, Lily. 206 00:11:18,304 --> 00:11:19,972 Oh, how cute. 207 00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:25,644 - OK. - Kathy. 208 00:11:26,270 --> 00:11:28,731 It's OK, Kathy. Remember these? 209 00:11:28,898 --> 00:11:31,567 You used to wear them to help you see better. 210 00:11:38,157 --> 00:11:39,658 No, no, no! 211 00:11:40,826 --> 00:11:43,829 Maybe we should get her some contacts... the soft kind. 212 00:11:47,583 --> 00:11:49,001 Daddy? 213 00:11:49,919 --> 00:11:52,379 No, sweetheart. Not Daddy. 214 00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:54,173 I'm your Uncle Dan. Remember? 215 00:11:54,340 --> 00:11:55,758 And this is Jody. 216 00:11:55,925 --> 00:11:57,885 Jo... dy. 217 00:11:58,052 --> 00:12:00,888 Jody. No pause between "Jo" and "dy." 218 00:12:01,055 --> 00:12:03,015 Jo... dy. 219 00:12:03,182 --> 00:12:05,601 Dan, we're at an impasse. I see constant conflict. 220 00:12:05,768 --> 00:12:07,811 It's fine. They'll warm up to you. 221 00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:09,355 (CHILD GROWLING) Ow! 222 00:12:09,521 --> 00:12:11,982 Hey, hey, hey, little lady, that's not how... 223 00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:13,817 You little mother...! 224 00:12:17,446 --> 00:12:21,033 Well, everything checks out. They seem like good kids, Doc. 225 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,493 Just validate our parking. We'll take them home. 226 00:12:22,660 --> 00:12:24,912 - Folks, I wish it were that easy. - You don't validate? 227 00:12:25,079 --> 00:12:27,331 I'm saying the kids are not yours to take. 228 00:12:27,498 --> 00:12:29,458 Well, you can't win them all. Let's skedaddle. 229 00:12:29,625 --> 00:12:33,587 That's not fair. They're my brother Charlie's kids. We deserve them. 230 00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:37,132 Do you? Your wife plays in a punk rock band, staying out all night long, 231 00:12:37,299 --> 00:12:39,969 high on drugs, sleeping with a different man every night. 232 00:12:40,135 --> 00:12:42,888 I don't think the courts are gonna look upon that too favorably. 233 00:12:43,055 --> 00:12:44,348 - But... - I was just messing with you. 234 00:12:44,515 --> 00:12:45,795 - The kids are yours. - They are? 235 00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:47,494 Did you hear that, honey? They're ours! 236 00:12:47,518 --> 00:12:51,105 On one condition. This house is owned by the Institute for Case Studies. 237 00:12:51,272 --> 00:12:53,315 Every room is fully wired with cameras. 238 00:12:53,482 --> 00:12:56,068 If you move into the house, you get the kids. 239 00:12:56,235 --> 00:12:59,113 Can't we just sell the house and put the kids in a high-end orphanage? 240 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,490 Jody, do you really think you're cut out to be a mom? 241 00:13:01,657 --> 00:13:02,658 Mm-mm. Mm-mm. 242 00:13:02,825 --> 00:13:04,034 - Of course she is. - Dan! 243 00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:07,121 Now, no more rock band, no more silly wig. 244 00:13:07,288 --> 00:13:09,373 It's not silly. It's all a part of me. 245 00:13:09,540 --> 00:13:11,375 - And no more tattoos. - What are you doing? 246 00:13:11,542 --> 00:13:14,169 What I had to. We're a perfect suburban couple. 247 00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:19,091 NARRATOR: And so Dan and Jody headed to their new house with their new children. 248 00:13:19,258 --> 00:13:22,553 But, like a slutty sorority girl returning from spring break, 249 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:27,266 they were also bringing home a hidden evil. 250 00:13:28,517 --> 00:13:31,145 JODY: All right, kids, here's our new house. 251 00:13:31,312 --> 00:13:32,938 And here's Uncle Dan. 252 00:13:33,105 --> 00:13:36,275 Hi. Don't forget about mommy! 253 00:13:36,442 --> 00:13:40,237 Dan, I'm not their mommy. They can call me Aunt Jody. 254 00:13:40,404 --> 00:13:42,656 - Or Jodes, J-Mom, Mrs. Sanders. (PANTING) 255 00:13:42,823 --> 00:13:44,583 Or, if they really want to call me... Garage! 256 00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:48,370 DAN: Here comes Jody and Aidan, 257 00:13:48,537 --> 00:13:50,217 entering the house for the very first time. 258 00:13:50,289 --> 00:13:53,917 This is where we're going to protect you and make sure nothing bad... 259 00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:55,764 Oh, my God, Aidan! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 260 00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:57,629 Maybe we should put him in the carrier. 261 00:13:57,796 --> 00:14:02,009 - There, see, that's better. - Come on, Aidan. What, what, what? 262 00:14:02,176 --> 00:14:04,428 - Relax, it's OK. - Oh, my gosh. 263 00:14:04,595 --> 00:14:06,430 - Dan, I lost the baby! - What? 264 00:14:06,597 --> 00:14:09,391 Oh, my gosh, Aidan! Aidan, where are you?! 265 00:14:09,558 --> 00:14:10,758 - Aidan! DAN: Where did you go? 266 00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:15,064 Oh, there he is, OK. (SIGHING) 267 00:14:15,230 --> 00:14:17,107 DAN: Here's your sister Kathy. 268 00:14:17,274 --> 00:14:18,609 Oh, Aidan, it's OK. 269 00:14:18,776 --> 00:14:20,577 DAN: You've just got to talk in a baby voice. 270 00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:23,822 - It doesn't even matter what you say. - OK. 271 00:14:23,989 --> 00:14:26,158 I'm your stepmommy. 272 00:14:27,618 --> 00:14:30,037 I'm not your fricking mommy. 273 00:14:30,204 --> 00:14:32,456 - There you go, you're a natural. (SNIFFING) 274 00:14:32,623 --> 00:14:34,666 - What's that smell? (BABY GROANING) 275 00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,251 (SCREAMING) 276 00:14:36,418 --> 00:14:39,254 DAN: Oh, my God, what do I do? Oh, oh! Here, this, hold on! 277 00:14:39,421 --> 00:14:42,424 (SCREAMING) KATHY: Uncle Dan! 278 00:14:42,591 --> 00:14:46,220 DAN: Kathy! Oh, sorry! - Ow! 279 00:14:46,387 --> 00:14:49,932 All right, there you go, sweetie. 280 00:14:50,099 --> 00:14:53,435 Is it chilly in here? I felt it as soon as I entered the room. 281 00:14:53,602 --> 00:14:55,687 DAN: Feels fine. Hey, what are these? 282 00:14:55,854 --> 00:14:58,482 This is interesting. What is this? 283 00:14:58,649 --> 00:15:01,235 I don't know, Mama drew that one. 284 00:15:01,402 --> 00:15:04,113 Look, we drew this picture for Aidan. 285 00:15:07,324 --> 00:15:10,411 See? It's Aidan on a rocket to the moon. 286 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:14,581 - Oh. Sitting on a rocket. - Where's Lily? 287 00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:17,126 (GROWLING) 288 00:15:18,293 --> 00:15:20,379 Oh, no, sweetie, the other end. 289 00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:22,756 Ooh! 290 00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:26,176 Let's go introduce Aidan to the rest of the family. 291 00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:27,594 (SNIFFING) 292 00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:29,596 (THUD) 293 00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:31,390 Oh, and there's our furry family member. 294 00:15:31,557 --> 00:15:34,101 DAN: Yes, Maria. JODY: No, Dan, Artie. 295 00:15:34,268 --> 00:15:36,228 DAN: Oh, yes, of course, our dog Artie. 296 00:15:36,395 --> 00:15:39,314 - Ay, the new baby. I make blessing. - Oh. 297 00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:41,316 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 298 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,157 OK, OK, that's good, Maria. 299 00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:50,993 Oh, my gosh. 300 00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:54,830 NARRATOR: With three new kids to care for, 301 00:15:54,997 --> 00:15:57,875 Dan really needed to start performing at work. 302 00:15:58,041 --> 00:16:01,753 Unfortunately he was having some issues with a colleague. 303 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:05,466 DAN: OK, Caesar, this is the one, I can feel it. 304 00:16:07,593 --> 00:16:10,888 Eighty-one seconds? Oh, Caesar. 305 00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:13,223 That's your worst time yet. 306 00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:15,893 You're doing even worse on your creativity test. 307 00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:19,605 I mean, look at all the imaginative things I made out of blocks. 308 00:16:19,771 --> 00:16:21,190 Like this awesome plane. 309 00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:23,025 (MAKING PLANE ENGINE SOUND) 310 00:16:24,485 --> 00:16:26,069 (GRUNTS) 311 00:16:26,904 --> 00:16:30,032 Dan, do you have any results yet? 312 00:16:30,199 --> 00:16:32,826 Oh, well, I've been injecting the primates twice a day 313 00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:36,788 with the I-13 intelligence drug. I'm hoping in a week or so... 314 00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:39,958 I hope Caesar is not just a big waste of time and money. 315 00:16:40,125 --> 00:16:43,754 I'm the one responsible to the board. Just show me one thing positive. 316 00:16:44,713 --> 00:16:47,341 Look. They still throw their shit. 317 00:16:47,508 --> 00:16:49,718 DAN: But now they can keep score. 318 00:16:49,885 --> 00:16:52,262 (GRUNTING) 319 00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:55,057 We have to kick-start this thing. When can we go to human trials? 320 00:16:55,224 --> 00:16:57,025 We're close, but there's an intermediate step. 321 00:16:57,142 --> 00:17:00,562 If the I-13 works on these reality wives... 322 00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:03,774 - You better check that shit. - Who gonna check me, boo? 323 00:17:03,941 --> 00:17:05,067 (OVERLAPPING SHOUTS) 324 00:17:05,234 --> 00:17:07,486 (GRUNTS, SCREAMS) 325 00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:14,701 We're pinning the future of our lab on wild beasts. 326 00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:16,703 They're not beasts. 327 00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:19,248 They have feelings, they have families. 328 00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:22,167 Males pee standing up, females pee sitting down. 329 00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:24,461 These apes are just like you. 330 00:17:24,628 --> 00:17:27,506 And me... you and me, blacks and whites. 331 00:17:27,673 --> 00:17:31,009 More like whites, of course. We whites are a lighter shade of ape 332 00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:34,012 whereas you are bla... dder infection, we're all at risk. 333 00:17:34,179 --> 00:17:36,348 So, what were we talking about again? Vaginas. 334 00:17:36,515 --> 00:17:37,849 - Shut up. - Yes, of course. 335 00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:40,394 Caesar has got to show some human intelligence at that board meeting... 336 00:17:40,561 --> 00:17:43,772 Caesar's probably smarter than half of those board members. 337 00:17:43,939 --> 00:17:45,190 - Dan... - I know what you're going to say. 338 00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:48,026 "If he's so smart, why is he in a cage?" 339 00:17:48,819 --> 00:17:49,861 You're in the cage. 340 00:17:53,323 --> 00:17:55,867 (BASS GUITAR PLAYING) 341 00:18:05,544 --> 00:18:07,045 What? 342 00:18:08,005 --> 00:18:09,673 - Oh, you're looking for this? - Uh-huh. 343 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:10,841 It's my ballerina doll. 344 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:13,176 - You made this? - Mama did, 345 00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:17,472 using twigs, moss, spiderwebs, sparrow bones, lizard eyes, 346 00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:20,601 - all held together with rat droppings. - Oh, geez. 347 00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:29,318 (ELECTRICITY SURGING) 348 00:18:57,512 --> 00:18:58,555 (SCREAMS) 349 00:19:04,436 --> 00:19:07,522 (BASS NOTES PLAYING) (VOCALIZING) 350 00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:09,149 (SCREAMS) 351 00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:13,528 Ah, ah, ah. What... what are you doing? 352 00:19:13,695 --> 00:19:16,156 I just can't deal with these kids. They're creepy. 353 00:19:16,323 --> 00:19:17,491 We should just take 'em back. 354 00:19:17,658 --> 00:19:20,952 Maybe you guys just need to find some common ground. 355 00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:23,439 What about that ballerina doll Kathy's always playing with? 356 00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:26,124 I don't want to talk about the ballet. 357 00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:29,419 I saw what the ballet did to my mom. 358 00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:32,089 She became obsessed. 359 00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:35,884 She even danced the swan while she was pregnant with me. 360 00:19:36,051 --> 00:19:37,844 (CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS) 361 00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:42,140 - Boo, ray, boo! - Shh! 362 00:19:42,307 --> 00:19:45,352 Shh. Hell. You better sit back before I punch you in your damn throat. 363 00:19:45,519 --> 00:19:46,520 We're trying to enjoy the show. 364 00:19:46,687 --> 00:19:50,440 You go on... shh... shh me again. I double-dog dare you, hell. 365 00:19:50,607 --> 00:19:52,567 Better ask somebody who I am. 366 00:19:57,781 --> 00:19:59,991 (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS) (GASPS) 367 00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:02,869 (TUBA PLAYS NOTE) (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING) 368 00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:04,705 - Whoa! (AUDIENCE BOOING) 369 00:20:05,539 --> 00:20:08,083 (TUBA SQUAWKS) MAN: Got it. 370 00:20:10,001 --> 00:20:11,586 Mom was never the same. 371 00:20:13,004 --> 00:20:16,341 That's unlikely to ever happen again, ever. 372 00:20:16,508 --> 00:20:19,845 Just give it a shot. Look what I found earlier. 373 00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:21,471 I mean, I know it's just a local production. 374 00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:26,226 But could be something for you and Kathy to talk about, could be fun. 375 00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:29,062 - You really think so? - Yes. 376 00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:32,524 Well, I suppose I could check it out. 377 00:20:32,691 --> 00:20:35,777 OK. But the minute it becomes too difficult, I'm giving up. 378 00:20:36,570 --> 00:20:37,696 That's the spirit. 379 00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:53,712 NARRATOR: Even though Jody only returned to the ballet 380 00:20:53,879 --> 00:20:55,464 to connect with the girls, 381 00:20:55,630 --> 00:20:59,468 as she got closer she couldn't help but get excited at the prospect 382 00:20:59,634 --> 00:21:02,804 of becoming the Swan Queen. 383 00:21:02,971 --> 00:21:05,182 This season we open with "Swan Lake." 384 00:21:05,348 --> 00:21:07,388 As you all know, this piece has the most challenging 385 00:21:07,517 --> 00:21:11,605 and demanding role in all of ballet... the Swan Queen. 386 00:21:11,772 --> 00:21:13,315 NARRATOR: Sizing up her competition, 387 00:21:13,482 --> 00:21:16,234 Jody knew the battle would be a tough one. 388 00:21:16,401 --> 00:21:18,361 The white and the black. 389 00:21:18,528 --> 00:21:21,531 Fortunately we have with us prima ballerina and the lead 390 00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:25,786 in my last 146 productions... Heather Darcy. 391 00:21:25,952 --> 00:21:27,913 (CLAPPING) 392 00:21:28,079 --> 00:21:30,832 Ah, the seasoned professional. 393 00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:33,418 The still brilliant, crusty, old, weathered, 394 00:21:33,585 --> 00:21:37,756 leather-faced elder statesman of ballet to whom these young girls, 395 00:21:37,923 --> 00:21:40,759 less experienced, more beautiful and delicious, 396 00:21:40,926 --> 00:21:44,721 but still very raw ballerina hopefuls, look up. 397 00:21:44,888 --> 00:21:48,475 Show these far more desirable children how it's done, huh? 398 00:21:49,476 --> 00:21:51,645 - Music! (CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS ON PIANO) 399 00:21:57,734 --> 00:21:59,214 Try that thing where you are skipping 400 00:21:59,319 --> 00:22:01,446 and you hop and you spread your legs a little bit. 401 00:22:04,908 --> 00:22:07,285 JODY: Look at that form, that technique. 402 00:22:07,452 --> 00:22:09,079 I'll never be that good. 403 00:22:10,455 --> 00:22:11,790 I'm Jody, by the way. 404 00:22:11,957 --> 00:22:13,875 Kendra. 405 00:22:15,460 --> 00:22:17,963 - Are you going to try out? - Me? 406 00:22:18,129 --> 00:22:21,424 Oh, I don't know. I mean, I like to dance, but I just... 407 00:22:21,591 --> 00:22:23,301 I don't like to be the center of attention. 408 00:22:24,010 --> 00:22:26,429 MAN: OK, who's next? - Oh, food. 409 00:22:26,596 --> 00:22:27,973 - Huh? (HIP-HOP PLAYS) 410 00:22:42,779 --> 00:22:45,824 It is as if I am seeing ballet for the first time. 411 00:22:46,533 --> 00:22:47,826 That's not ballet. 412 00:22:53,248 --> 00:22:55,458 MAN: The passion, the sensuality. 413 00:22:55,625 --> 00:22:58,879 An ass that makes you want to crawl inside and take up residence. 414 00:23:01,089 --> 00:23:03,508 I can show passion. 415 00:23:04,259 --> 00:23:05,343 Oh, yeah. 416 00:23:06,803 --> 00:23:09,139 Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh. 417 00:23:09,306 --> 00:23:12,225 NARRATOR: Jody certainly had her work cut out for her. 418 00:23:12,809 --> 00:23:15,353 That Kendra chick was smokin'. 419 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,188 Do you accept euros? 420 00:23:31,286 --> 00:23:34,581 (GROANING ECHOES, POTS CLANG) 421 00:23:35,790 --> 00:23:37,000 (LOUD CLANG) 422 00:23:47,052 --> 00:23:50,221 Kathy, Lily, Aidan? 423 00:23:57,562 --> 00:23:58,772 (SIGHS) 424 00:24:04,194 --> 00:24:05,236 - Jody? Ah! (SCREAMS) 425 00:24:05,403 --> 00:24:06,905 Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. 426 00:24:07,489 --> 00:24:09,199 - I'm so sorry. - I'm fine. 427 00:24:09,366 --> 00:24:10,617 It was on the floor. 428 00:24:10,784 --> 00:24:14,079 Ah, probably a screw loose. I'll fix it. 429 00:24:16,206 --> 00:24:17,707 I feel like there's something in this house. 430 00:24:17,874 --> 00:24:18,875 Like What? 431 00:24:19,042 --> 00:24:22,921 Like I feel hot, clammy, foul-smelling breath on my neck. 432 00:24:23,630 --> 00:24:24,506 (SHUDDERS) 433 00:24:24,673 --> 00:24:28,093 You need call psychic. Kill bad spirits. 434 00:24:28,259 --> 00:24:31,262 - Ugh. - No, Maria, enough of this stuff. 435 00:24:31,429 --> 00:24:34,557 OK, then I do blessing, I protect house. 436 00:24:37,435 --> 00:24:39,729 Honey, you really need to relax. 437 00:24:40,563 --> 00:24:42,440 You're just stressed out about the children. 438 00:24:42,607 --> 00:24:45,443 No, it's this house. I... I feel it. 439 00:24:45,610 --> 00:24:48,905 And Maria's a little off. I mean, honestly do you really trust her? 440 00:24:49,072 --> 00:24:52,367 Oh, honey, don't worry, she couldn't hurt a fly. 441 00:24:52,534 --> 00:24:54,375 Look, you have a big day ahead of you tomorrow. 442 00:24:54,452 --> 00:24:56,788 Let's just get you some sleep, OK? 443 00:24:58,581 --> 00:24:59,749 Love you. 444 00:25:04,045 --> 00:25:06,589 DAN: I don't believe this... our whole house ransacked. 445 00:25:06,756 --> 00:25:09,050 You leave the house unattended with the doors unlocked 446 00:25:09,217 --> 00:25:10,468 and look what happens. 447 00:25:10,635 --> 00:25:13,346 They didn't take anything. It's just vandalism. 448 00:25:13,513 --> 00:25:15,765 Every room except the kids' rooms was trashed. 449 00:25:15,932 --> 00:25:16,933 So you suspect the kids? 450 00:25:17,100 --> 00:25:19,394 It was Mama. Mama did it. 451 00:25:19,561 --> 00:25:22,856 She hates this house. She hates you. 452 00:25:25,191 --> 00:25:28,945 OK, Maria, this is camera. Necesito filming. 453 00:25:29,112 --> 00:25:30,989 Thank you for helping me clean up, sweetie. 454 00:25:31,156 --> 00:25:33,950 Oh, hey, been looking all over for this thing. 455 00:25:34,117 --> 00:25:35,827 - Still got it... (CHILD SCREAMS) 456 00:25:35,994 --> 00:25:38,496 I'm sorry! God, help, honey! 457 00:25:38,663 --> 00:25:42,250 Maria, honey, help! Geez! Maria, put the camera... 458 00:25:42,417 --> 00:25:45,003 JODY: Oh, look at this. 459 00:25:45,170 --> 00:25:47,547 Mom coaching me when I was a little girl. 460 00:25:47,714 --> 00:25:51,217 - Aw... - Always applying the guilt trip. 461 00:25:51,384 --> 00:25:53,136 That got me the lead. 462 00:25:54,846 --> 00:25:56,431 (BABY CRYING) KATHY: Look, Maria. 463 00:25:56,598 --> 00:25:58,975 Maria, look what I found. What is this? 464 00:25:59,142 --> 00:26:03,938 Oh, uh, that's... a new type of electric toothbrush. 465 00:26:05,231 --> 00:26:07,525 Vibrations knock the tartar off your teeth. 466 00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:10,820 - Look, a whole box of toothbrushes. DAN: Whoa. 467 00:26:10,987 --> 00:26:13,156 - This black one is huge. - OK. 468 00:26:13,323 --> 00:26:15,867 - And look, here's a double-sided one. - All right. 469 00:26:16,034 --> 00:26:18,078 And one that I can strap on to my face. 470 00:26:18,244 --> 00:26:20,371 Nope. Put that over here. 471 00:26:20,538 --> 00:26:23,333 Uncle Dan, what is this? Beaded floss? 472 00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:25,585 That's grown-up floss, honey. 473 00:26:25,752 --> 00:26:28,338 (GROANS) Graffiti! 474 00:26:28,505 --> 00:26:30,590 Did you see this? 475 00:26:30,757 --> 00:26:33,927 Who does that? What are we...? Maria. 476 00:26:34,094 --> 00:26:37,972 - Maria, por favor. (MARIA EXCLAIMS IN SPANISH) 477 00:26:38,139 --> 00:26:41,768 Miss Jody, Miss Jody, you call this man... Mr. Blaine. 478 00:26:41,935 --> 00:26:43,895 He helped my sister. 479 00:26:44,062 --> 00:26:46,481 - This is a psychic. - Si, he'll help you. 480 00:26:46,648 --> 00:26:48,441 No, what we really need are more security cameras. 481 00:26:48,608 --> 00:26:52,654 Uncle Dan. You know, these toothbrushes look an awful lot like dildos. 482 00:27:19,222 --> 00:27:20,223 Ow! 483 00:27:22,100 --> 00:27:24,102 (GROANING, SCREAMING) 484 00:27:24,269 --> 00:27:25,770 (SIREN BLARING) 485 00:27:41,494 --> 00:27:43,538 (CHOKING, GAGGING) 486 00:28:01,181 --> 00:28:02,807 (ELECTRICITY SURGING) (SCREAMING) 487 00:28:07,020 --> 00:28:10,315 (SIREN WAILING) 488 00:28:16,112 --> 00:28:18,781 (CHILDREN LAUGHING) 489 00:28:21,075 --> 00:28:23,036 GIRL: This is fun, Mama. 490 00:28:23,203 --> 00:28:24,954 (LAUGHTER CONTINUES) 491 00:28:34,130 --> 00:28:35,340 You're still awake? 492 00:28:36,716 --> 00:28:37,926 All right, listen, guys, it's just us 493 00:28:38,092 --> 00:28:39,852 until Uncle Dan comes back from the hospital. 494 00:28:39,969 --> 00:28:42,263 I don't like it, you don't like it, I don't like it. 495 00:28:42,430 --> 00:28:44,807 Now go to sleep. I have to be up early for ballet tomorrow. 496 00:28:51,022 --> 00:28:54,400 - You really like ballet, don't you? - Yeah, but I don't want you to go. 497 00:28:54,567 --> 00:28:55,610 Why? 498 00:28:55,777 --> 00:28:57,862 Mama says you're going to have an accident. 499 00:28:58,029 --> 00:29:02,200 Oh, OK. Is this the same Mama who trashed the house? 500 00:29:02,367 --> 00:29:04,327 Basically, yes. 501 00:29:05,036 --> 00:29:06,454 (GROANING) 502 00:29:10,500 --> 00:29:11,960 Don't go in there. 503 00:29:12,961 --> 00:29:13,878 I wasn't going to. 504 00:29:14,128 --> 00:29:15,338 Just don't. 505 00:29:15,505 --> 00:29:18,174 It's my house, I can if I want. 506 00:29:18,341 --> 00:29:19,509 I wouldn't. 507 00:29:19,676 --> 00:29:21,344 - Would. - Wouldn't. 508 00:29:21,511 --> 00:29:23,346 - Would, too. - Would not. 509 00:29:23,513 --> 00:29:26,516 You know what? I'm the adult. You're not the boss of me. 510 00:29:26,683 --> 00:29:27,684 Don't. 511 00:29:49,414 --> 00:29:53,584 (GRUNTING) I told you not to let anyone in! 512 00:29:53,751 --> 00:29:55,086 (FLATULENCE) 513 00:29:57,046 --> 00:30:00,383 (SCREAMING) (CLATTERING) 514 00:30:00,550 --> 00:30:02,260 NARRATOR: And so Jody was... 515 00:30:02,427 --> 00:30:04,887 Oh, my God, I just smelled that. 516 00:30:05,054 --> 00:30:07,015 It just got to me, yeah. 517 00:30:07,181 --> 00:30:08,808 And so Jody was... 518 00:30:08,975 --> 00:30:10,935 Oh, no, I... I'm sorry, you have to excuse me. 519 00:30:11,102 --> 00:30:12,228 I got to get some fresh air. 520 00:30:12,395 --> 00:30:14,397 The next section should explain itself. 521 00:30:25,616 --> 00:30:27,744 (VACUUM STARTS) 522 00:30:28,953 --> 00:30:30,705 MAN: All right, attention. 523 00:30:30,872 --> 00:30:32,498 I do not wish to repeat myself. 524 00:30:32,665 --> 00:30:35,293 I repeat, I do not wish to repeat myself. 525 00:30:35,460 --> 00:30:37,587 I require the sweater I wear as a scarf. 526 00:30:37,754 --> 00:30:39,088 (SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 527 00:30:40,298 --> 00:30:43,009 Ah. Comfortable, huh? 528 00:30:44,761 --> 00:30:47,638 Mm... Mother, please, I am working. 529 00:30:47,805 --> 00:30:51,267 All right, because Heather Darcy is so old, this season 530 00:30:51,434 --> 00:30:53,227 we will have a new Swan Queen, 531 00:30:53,394 --> 00:30:57,106 and that person is Jody Sanders. 532 00:31:01,569 --> 00:31:05,114 Now, Jody, show us your routine. 533 00:31:05,281 --> 00:31:07,992 No, I'm the Swan Queen. 534 00:31:08,951 --> 00:31:11,746 - Watch me. Ah...! (CRASH) 535 00:31:11,913 --> 00:31:14,665 As I was saying, my choice for new... 536 00:31:14,832 --> 00:31:16,959 HEATHER: Her?! Anyone but her! 537 00:31:17,126 --> 00:31:20,671 You might just as well have picked the janitor! 538 00:31:20,838 --> 00:31:23,549 - Me? (SWING JAZZ PLAYS) 539 00:31:31,015 --> 00:31:33,643 - Ira, please, not now. OK. - What? 540 00:31:33,810 --> 00:31:35,812 Yes, it was a difficult decision, 541 00:31:35,978 --> 00:31:38,773 but I have always been attracted to Jody. 542 00:31:38,940 --> 00:31:40,900 How could I not? She has the body of a fifth-grade boy. 543 00:31:41,067 --> 00:31:43,986 But in the event that she is unable to dance, 544 00:31:44,153 --> 00:31:48,157 I am naming as her understudy Kendra Brooks. 545 00:31:52,495 --> 00:31:54,622 All right, that's lunch. 546 00:32:09,011 --> 00:32:11,889 Ooh, this is a nice house. I'm gonna go find the girls. 547 00:32:14,016 --> 00:32:17,016 Kathy, how did you know I was going to have an accident today at the ballet? 548 00:32:17,145 --> 00:32:18,271 Mama told me. 549 00:32:18,438 --> 00:32:21,774 OK, well, how did Mama know I was going to have an accident? 550 00:32:21,941 --> 00:32:23,734 (WHOOSHING SOUND) 551 00:32:25,528 --> 00:32:28,698 Oh, there you are. I found this bandage on my head. 552 00:32:28,865 --> 00:32:31,826 Dan, please. I think there is something going on in this house, 553 00:32:31,993 --> 00:32:33,286 something about this Mama. 554 00:32:33,453 --> 00:32:35,294 I'm gonna call the psychic Maria told us about. 555 00:32:35,371 --> 00:32:37,091 Jody, do you really think we need a psychic? 556 00:32:37,165 --> 00:32:38,325 KATHY: Uncle Dan, come here. 557 00:32:38,374 --> 00:32:40,168 - Coming. - I want to show you something. 558 00:32:41,669 --> 00:32:45,506 Uncle Dan, Mama taught me some tricks. Look what I can do. 559 00:32:46,757 --> 00:32:49,051 - Oh, wow, that's really good, honey. AIDAN: Dada. 560 00:32:49,218 --> 00:32:51,846 (SHUDDERING) Good Lord. 561 00:32:52,013 --> 00:32:55,224 - Uncle Dan, look at me. - Evil spirits. 562 00:32:55,391 --> 00:32:56,726 Look, Mr. Dan, look. 563 00:32:56,893 --> 00:32:59,645 Isn't that one of Jody's bathing suits? 564 00:32:59,812 --> 00:33:02,857 You're facing something our human minds cannot imagine. 565 00:33:03,024 --> 00:33:05,526 - Mama. (DAN EXCLAIMS) 566 00:33:06,444 --> 00:33:08,446 Let's get you in a robe. 567 00:33:09,739 --> 00:33:11,419 Do you want to hear about the ballet today? 568 00:33:12,241 --> 00:33:15,745 - Mama's helping us get ready. - Oh, OK, I'll brush, too. 569 00:33:18,956 --> 00:33:21,501 Hm. Where did my toothbrush go? 570 00:33:24,795 --> 00:33:26,464 (WHIMPERS) 571 00:33:27,924 --> 00:33:30,384 Hey, we don't lick our balls in this house. 572 00:33:30,551 --> 00:33:32,929 Sorry, won't happen again. 573 00:33:34,514 --> 00:33:35,973 NARRATOR: Try as she might, 574 00:33:36,140 --> 00:33:39,268 Jody just couldn't seem to connect with those kids. 575 00:33:39,435 --> 00:33:42,063 Or get the taste of that toothbrush out of her mouth. 576 00:33:42,230 --> 00:33:44,857 Was it just eight-year-old teen angst, 577 00:33:45,024 --> 00:33:48,402 or were there otherworldly forces at work here? 578 00:33:48,569 --> 00:33:50,571 (GULPING) 579 00:34:56,721 --> 00:34:58,639 (EERIE MOANING) 580 00:35:02,852 --> 00:35:04,186 - Baby? - Hm? 581 00:35:04,353 --> 00:35:05,674 - Babe, I heard something. - What? 582 00:35:05,688 --> 00:35:06,731 I think there's someone in the kitchen. 583 00:35:06,897 --> 00:35:09,609 See? There's nobody down here. 584 00:35:09,775 --> 00:35:11,861 There it is again! Right there. Go look. 585 00:35:12,028 --> 00:35:16,115 Jody, calm down. See, there's nothing to worry about. It's just... 586 00:35:16,282 --> 00:35:18,159 (JODY SCREAMS) - Oh, God! Geez! 587 00:35:18,326 --> 00:35:20,703 (SCREAMING) (MICROWAVE BEEPS) 588 00:35:20,870 --> 00:35:22,496 Dan, I'm calling the psychic! 589 00:35:22,663 --> 00:35:24,183 - Ah! Make the call! (DOORBELL RINGS) 590 00:35:25,708 --> 00:35:27,543 Blaine Fulda, professional psychic. 591 00:35:27,710 --> 00:35:29,045 Hi, I'm Jody. 592 00:35:29,211 --> 00:35:31,589 - Indeed you are. - Yes. And this is my husband Dan. 593 00:35:31,756 --> 00:35:34,592 Your payment as requested. $500 in unmarked bills. 594 00:35:34,759 --> 00:35:36,552 (SNIFFS) - And of course, you know Maria. 595 00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:39,221 - Hola, Mr. Blaine. - Hi, Maria. How's your sister? 596 00:35:39,388 --> 00:35:41,599 Dead. Demon kill her. 597 00:35:41,766 --> 00:35:43,607 Well, that explains the unreturned phone calls. 598 00:35:43,726 --> 00:35:46,228 I'm sensing evil. 599 00:35:46,395 --> 00:35:49,315 I'm gonna have to get some of your personal belongings here, 600 00:35:49,482 --> 00:35:52,109 just so I can check for demon and ghost residue. 601 00:35:52,276 --> 00:35:53,486 I'm not gonna be able to lift all those monitors, 602 00:35:53,653 --> 00:35:56,822 but I'll send my cousin tomorrow with the white van. He can get them in there. 603 00:35:56,989 --> 00:35:58,783 Dan was attacked by the kitchen last night. 604 00:35:58,949 --> 00:36:01,410 - We think it might be Mama. - Kitchen attack? 605 00:36:01,577 --> 00:36:03,079 You could've said that earlier. 606 00:36:03,245 --> 00:36:05,998 If a room turns on you, it's either a ghost or a demon. 607 00:36:06,165 --> 00:36:10,586 Can a demon take over someone? Like, live within them? 608 00:36:10,753 --> 00:36:12,171 Damn, that's some scary shit. 609 00:36:12,338 --> 00:36:14,465 So a demon is about the worst thing you can have? 610 00:36:14,632 --> 00:36:17,343 No, ma'am, an STD is the worst thing that you can have. 611 00:36:17,510 --> 00:36:21,013 Who do you know who wants to hurt you? Do you have a jealous colleague at work? 612 00:36:21,180 --> 00:36:23,099 A Facebook friend you might have ignored? 613 00:36:23,265 --> 00:36:26,352 Maybe you adopted a small African child named Ikatababwe, 614 00:36:26,519 --> 00:36:28,562 promising to feed this nigga for 25 cents a day. 615 00:36:28,771 --> 00:36:30,251 But then he needs something to drink! 616 00:36:31,190 --> 00:36:33,526 - Anyway, let's begin. - OK. 617 00:36:33,693 --> 00:36:36,028 This is the evil communicator. 618 00:36:36,195 --> 00:36:39,115 When I put this on, I'll be able to cross over to the other side 619 00:36:39,281 --> 00:36:41,617 and confront the entity. That will immediately trigger 620 00:36:41,784 --> 00:36:46,372 the final $350 payment of child support to Tisha Fulda. 621 00:36:46,539 --> 00:36:49,792 And if you guys would just join hands, close eyes and concentrate. 622 00:36:49,959 --> 00:36:53,170 Empty your mind of all the thoughts of today's troubles. 623 00:36:54,380 --> 00:36:56,799 Everything that went on, get that out of your mind. 624 00:36:56,966 --> 00:36:59,135 This is all about the spirit world here. 625 00:36:59,301 --> 00:37:03,556 And three, two and one. 626 00:37:05,933 --> 00:37:08,978 (MOANING) 627 00:37:09,645 --> 00:37:12,148 What's happening? Things are starting to move all by itself! 628 00:37:14,066 --> 00:37:15,693 JODY: Breathe! Breathe! 629 00:37:15,860 --> 00:37:17,653 - Wait, I don't think he can breathe! DAN: He's a pro! 630 00:37:17,820 --> 00:37:20,656 A sophisticated piece of equipment like that? Of course he can breathe. 631 00:37:20,823 --> 00:37:23,159 (GASPING) Shit, I couldn't breathe. 632 00:37:23,325 --> 00:37:26,036 Almost killed myself. All right, I communicated. 633 00:37:26,203 --> 00:37:28,581 - It was definitely a demon. - Oh, my God. 634 00:37:29,874 --> 00:37:32,376 Wait a minute. I was wrong. It's a ghost. 635 00:37:32,543 --> 00:37:34,003 So strong. 636 00:37:34,795 --> 00:37:35,921 - Ow! (GASPS) 637 00:37:36,756 --> 00:37:38,036 BLAINE: Help, it's got me! - Dan! 638 00:37:38,132 --> 00:37:39,550 - Dan, wake up! - Ma'am, you got to 639 00:37:39,717 --> 00:37:43,095 get out of here. It's evil! It's pure evil! It's Mama! 640 00:37:55,149 --> 00:37:57,318 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 641 00:38:03,741 --> 00:38:05,501 Now do you believe that something's going on? 642 00:38:05,618 --> 00:38:07,912 He got dragged away, yelling out, "Mama." 643 00:38:08,078 --> 00:38:10,080 He got dragged away? I don't remember that. 644 00:38:10,247 --> 00:38:13,501 - Dan, you were unconscious. - I don't remember that, either. 645 00:38:13,667 --> 00:38:15,211 Look, honey, I don't want to argue. 646 00:38:15,377 --> 00:38:17,338 The important thing is, we love each other, OK? 647 00:38:17,505 --> 00:38:19,905 No, the important thing is that this Mama thing could be real 648 00:38:20,049 --> 00:38:21,634 and she might be trying to kill us. 649 00:38:21,801 --> 00:38:24,762 Jod, that guy was a fraud and that's it. OK? 650 00:38:32,937 --> 00:38:34,697 (INDISTINCT WHISPER) (CHILD'S SCREAM ECHOING) 651 00:38:34,730 --> 00:38:36,899 - What's that? - My penis. 652 00:38:37,066 --> 00:38:38,692 - No. - Yes. 653 00:38:38,859 --> 00:38:40,110 (CHILD'S SCREAM ECHOING) 654 00:38:40,277 --> 00:38:43,489 - There, right now, there. - I know. I'm trying. 655 00:38:43,656 --> 00:38:46,867 - What the hell is that? - My penis? 656 00:38:47,827 --> 00:38:50,204 (LOW GROWL) - What's making that sound? 657 00:39:03,843 --> 00:39:05,469 (ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYS) 658 00:39:52,016 --> 00:39:53,851 (CLANGING) 659 00:39:55,144 --> 00:39:57,479 Dan, what is that? 660 00:39:59,315 --> 00:40:00,816 My penis. 661 00:40:05,738 --> 00:40:07,281 (MARIA GASPING) 662 00:40:09,867 --> 00:40:11,744 (GASPING) 663 00:40:11,911 --> 00:40:13,746 (EXCLAIMING IN SPANISH) 664 00:40:34,975 --> 00:40:37,937 (SNIFFING) Is that smoke? 665 00:40:39,396 --> 00:40:41,815 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 666 00:40:41,982 --> 00:40:45,861 Maria! What are you doing?! You're gonna burn down the house! 667 00:40:46,028 --> 00:40:48,197 Kill bad spirits! 668 00:40:48,364 --> 00:40:51,825 - What is going on? (COUGHS) - Maria almost burned the house down. 669 00:40:51,992 --> 00:40:53,035 - What? - That's it, she's got... 670 00:40:53,202 --> 00:40:54,203 (CHANTING IN SPANISH) 671 00:40:54,370 --> 00:40:58,916 Enough! This is getting out of hand. You're scaring everybody. 672 00:40:59,083 --> 00:41:01,126 You can't fire her. I mean, she's been with us for years. 673 00:41:01,293 --> 00:41:02,586 I don't know what to do. 674 00:41:02,753 --> 00:41:04,838 - That's discrimination. - OK, now what the hell? 675 00:41:05,005 --> 00:41:08,342 - This is completely insane! - It's what she believes in, honey! 676 00:41:08,509 --> 00:41:09,635 Give me that! 677 00:41:09,802 --> 00:41:12,638 MARIA: You're gonna let me go?! Your family is not safe! 678 00:41:12,805 --> 00:41:14,932 I'm sorry, Maria, it's just not working out. 679 00:41:15,099 --> 00:41:17,810 I'll give you a recommendation, just nothing involving kids 680 00:41:17,977 --> 00:41:20,729 - or within a mile of anyone's house. (SPEAKING SPANISH) 681 00:41:22,147 --> 00:41:25,859 I can't do this anymore. I got to go to work. 682 00:41:26,026 --> 00:41:27,706 I don't even understand what you're saying! 683 00:41:49,008 --> 00:41:50,009 (CLANGS) 684 00:42:01,979 --> 00:42:03,897 Ow! 685 00:42:04,064 --> 00:42:05,691 MAN: Ladies and gentlemen, 686 00:42:05,858 --> 00:42:08,610 for the past two years, our own Dan Sanders has been 687 00:42:08,777 --> 00:42:11,447 testing the I-13 compound on 30 apes. 688 00:42:11,613 --> 00:42:13,866 Unfortunately, 29 of them turned into 689 00:42:14,033 --> 00:42:16,618 insane, aggressive, deviant sexual predators. 690 00:42:16,785 --> 00:42:18,787 But one, Caesar, 691 00:42:18,954 --> 00:42:22,041 has experienced a huge leap in intelligence. 692 00:42:22,207 --> 00:42:24,376 Here he plays three opponents. 693 00:42:24,543 --> 00:42:25,919 Of course, they're apes. 694 00:42:26,086 --> 00:42:30,883 But Caesar's superior capabilities are the work of one man. 695 00:42:31,050 --> 00:42:34,553 The brains behind the I-13 project, Dan San... 696 00:42:34,720 --> 00:42:36,055 - Are you OK? - I'm fine, Martin. 697 00:42:36,221 --> 00:42:39,641 Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to Caesar... 698 00:42:39,808 --> 00:42:41,088 You're not getting away from me! 699 00:42:41,185 --> 00:42:43,020 - Oof! (SCREECHING) 700 00:42:43,729 --> 00:42:46,148 (GROANING) 701 00:42:47,357 --> 00:42:49,568 (GRUNTS) - Oh, no! 702 00:42:50,944 --> 00:42:53,489 (ALARM SOUNDING) (APES SCREECHING) 703 00:42:53,655 --> 00:42:54,948 (GASPS) 704 00:42:55,115 --> 00:42:56,241 (SCREAMING) 705 00:43:08,337 --> 00:43:10,506 Traffic is backed up on the Broad Street Bridge, 706 00:43:10,672 --> 00:43:14,134 where apparently police are battling dozens of apes in a running gunfight. 707 00:43:14,301 --> 00:43:17,346 Our reports indicate that a scientist at a research laboratory 708 00:43:17,513 --> 00:43:20,432 gave these apes an experimental intelligence drug. 709 00:43:20,599 --> 00:43:24,103 I'm being told that all available officers are now on the scene. 710 00:43:24,269 --> 00:43:29,399 But at this time, we are advising all our viewers to find alternate routes. 711 00:43:29,566 --> 00:43:32,361 I'm now being told we have the actual 911 call 712 00:43:32,528 --> 00:43:34,696 that first alerted the police to the situation. 713 00:43:34,863 --> 00:43:37,116 MAN: - 911, what's your emergency? (PEOPLE SCREAMING) 714 00:43:37,282 --> 00:43:39,868 WOMAN: Oh, my God! Apes are inside the house! 715 00:43:40,035 --> 00:43:42,204 MAN: Calm down, ma'am. What happened? 716 00:43:42,371 --> 00:43:44,289 WOMAN: We were making love and... Oh, my God! 717 00:43:44,456 --> 00:43:46,375 - They're attacking him! MAN: - Who are they attacking, ma'am? 718 00:43:46,542 --> 00:43:50,212 WOMAN: Carl! Oh, my God! Please, help him! 719 00:43:50,379 --> 00:43:52,548 MAN: - Where is your husband right now? WOMAN: - Carl's not my husband. 720 00:43:52,714 --> 00:43:56,385 My husband's the anchor for Channel 12 News. He can't know about it. 721 00:43:56,552 --> 00:43:58,137 MAN: - OK, ma'am, but we need to... WOMAN: - Hurry! 722 00:43:58,303 --> 00:44:00,264 Send help while my husband's still on the air! 723 00:44:00,430 --> 00:44:02,850 MAN: Ma'am, that's not important. Your life is. 724 00:44:03,016 --> 00:44:05,060 WOMAN: Yeah, you're right. Why should he care? 725 00:44:05,227 --> 00:44:08,480 I mean, I'm pretty sure he's been sleeping with his co-anchor, that bitch! 726 00:44:08,647 --> 00:44:09,857 Oh, I'm gonna rip her... 727 00:44:10,023 --> 00:44:12,234 (UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC) 728 00:44:14,444 --> 00:44:16,405 KENDRA: Congratulations, girl. 729 00:44:16,572 --> 00:44:19,992 I knew it was gonna be you. You're just so perfect, so mechanical. 730 00:44:20,159 --> 00:44:22,703 Watching you dance is like watching a robot. 731 00:44:22,870 --> 00:44:24,079 Thanks. 732 00:44:26,331 --> 00:44:27,916 So hungry. 733 00:44:30,502 --> 00:44:31,503 Mm. 734 00:44:31,670 --> 00:44:34,047 - Is that all? - Pierre has a weight limit. 735 00:44:34,214 --> 00:44:37,009 I'm too heavy. Look at Mara. 736 00:44:37,176 --> 00:44:39,511 She looks great. 737 00:44:41,096 --> 00:44:42,264 Look, are you sure you're OK? 738 00:44:43,348 --> 00:44:44,949 Weird things have been happening at home. 739 00:44:45,017 --> 00:44:47,186 Kathy said there was going to be an accident. 740 00:44:47,352 --> 00:44:51,273 - Then it happened to Heather. - That's some serious shit. 741 00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:53,650 You should talk to those kids. 742 00:44:53,817 --> 00:44:55,360 Whoa, pizza. 743 00:44:58,614 --> 00:45:03,535 I eat and eat and eat, and I don't gain a pound. 744 00:45:06,663 --> 00:45:08,665 (JODY RETCHING) 745 00:45:13,587 --> 00:45:15,130 (SIGHING) 746 00:45:17,799 --> 00:45:18,884 (GASPING) 747 00:45:28,936 --> 00:45:30,604 Heather! 748 00:45:31,980 --> 00:45:33,482 You think you can replace me? 749 00:45:33,649 --> 00:45:38,237 Well, we'll see how you like it once the swan consumes you! 750 00:45:48,830 --> 00:45:50,749 Damn it! 751 00:45:51,333 --> 00:45:52,668 Door! 752 00:45:53,961 --> 00:45:55,837 Son of a bitch! 753 00:45:58,548 --> 00:46:01,593 Oh, I didn't know you were such a good builder. 754 00:46:02,928 --> 00:46:04,346 Wow. 755 00:46:05,472 --> 00:46:08,558 Kathy, I want you to tell me about Mama. 756 00:46:08,725 --> 00:46:11,728 Mama doesn't like it when you talk about her. 757 00:46:11,895 --> 00:46:12,938 Who is Mama? 758 00:46:13,105 --> 00:46:15,357 She was a woman who read from an evil book. 759 00:46:15,524 --> 00:46:18,819 Sometimes she comes to us in a dream. 760 00:46:18,986 --> 00:46:20,946 - In a dream? (LOW NOTES SOUNDING) 761 00:46:21,113 --> 00:46:23,282 In your dreams, of course. 762 00:46:23,448 --> 00:46:25,284 I wish I could see what's inside your dreams. 763 00:46:25,450 --> 00:46:26,827 (LOW NOTES SOUNDING) 764 00:46:26,994 --> 00:46:30,163 To extract what's in your dreams. To perform an inception. 765 00:46:30,330 --> 00:46:31,373 (LOW NOTES SOUNDING) 766 00:46:31,540 --> 00:46:33,875 Will you drop that? That's my birth tuba. 767 00:46:34,042 --> 00:46:35,085 (DOORBELL RINGS) 768 00:46:37,004 --> 00:46:41,008 Hello. I'm Dom Kolb. You called about a dream extraction? 769 00:46:41,174 --> 00:46:43,552 JODY: Yes. I need to find out about an evil book. 770 00:46:43,719 --> 00:46:44,886 Mm-hm. 771 00:46:45,095 --> 00:46:47,764 This machine will allow us access to the dream world. 772 00:46:47,931 --> 00:46:49,224 Let's begin. 773 00:46:53,562 --> 00:46:55,147 So when do we start dreaming? 774 00:46:55,314 --> 00:46:57,941 You never really remember the beginning of a dream, 775 00:46:58,108 --> 00:46:59,318 - do you? - I guess. 776 00:46:59,526 --> 00:47:01,445 (RUMBLING) - OK, then, 777 00:47:01,611 --> 00:47:05,282 this is your first lesson in shared dreaming. Stay calm. 778 00:47:05,449 --> 00:47:08,118 Sorry. I dropped my phone in there. 779 00:47:09,244 --> 00:47:12,581 You need to clear your subconscious. And watch what you think about. 780 00:47:12,748 --> 00:47:15,000 - Nothing crazy. - Right. 781 00:47:15,167 --> 00:47:17,878 Like having your crotch burst into flames. 782 00:47:18,045 --> 00:47:19,546 (SCREAMING) (GASPS) 783 00:47:23,592 --> 00:47:24,885 (GASPS) 784 00:47:27,971 --> 00:47:31,183 (GASPS) What does that have to do with Ma...? 785 00:47:31,350 --> 00:47:33,935 - Hey! - Oh. 786 00:47:34,811 --> 00:47:38,231 - Let's start over. (CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS) 787 00:47:43,153 --> 00:47:45,113 I'm Jody Sanders. 788 00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:47,366 Yes, my dear. I've been expecting you. 789 00:47:47,532 --> 00:47:49,368 Please, come in. 790 00:47:49,534 --> 00:47:51,161 They call me Christian Grey. 791 00:47:52,037 --> 00:47:53,246 (SNIFFING) 792 00:47:55,332 --> 00:47:57,209 How do you like my blue room? 793 00:47:57,376 --> 00:48:00,295 - It's red. - Oh. I'm color-blind. 794 00:48:00,462 --> 00:48:02,714 My decorator assured me that... Never mind. 795 00:48:05,550 --> 00:48:07,219 - Champagne? - Mm. 796 00:48:08,470 --> 00:48:10,305 (CLACKING) 797 00:48:14,518 --> 00:48:15,977 Have a seat. 798 00:48:20,273 --> 00:48:21,274 I'll stand. 799 00:48:21,441 --> 00:48:24,820 Hey, Christian, man, golly, man! I'd like to thank you a lot, man, 800 00:48:24,986 --> 00:48:27,322 for working on my prostrate like it was a speed bag. 801 00:48:27,489 --> 00:48:30,450 Yes, Michael, I must admit, I was surprised at your performance, as well. 802 00:48:30,617 --> 00:48:33,912 Not bad for a washed-up, overweight, facially tattooed... 803 00:48:34,079 --> 00:48:35,497 (GRUNTS) 804 00:48:35,664 --> 00:48:36,706 Do it again. 805 00:48:39,334 --> 00:48:40,836 (LAUGHS) Oh...! 806 00:48:46,007 --> 00:48:48,552 I have no idea what that one was. 807 00:48:49,344 --> 00:48:51,304 Me neither. 808 00:48:53,181 --> 00:48:55,308 Mama, are you here? 809 00:48:55,475 --> 00:48:59,062 WOMAN: Dom, is that you? - Oh, shit. 810 00:48:59,229 --> 00:49:02,524 You said you'd had a dream that we'd grow old together. 811 00:49:02,691 --> 00:49:04,401 Right. And We Will. 812 00:49:04,568 --> 00:49:07,612 - What are you doing here? - Hi. 813 00:49:07,779 --> 00:49:09,899 How could you bring her here? What about our children? 814 00:49:09,990 --> 00:49:13,535 - They're not real. - Yes, they are. Watch. 815 00:49:13,702 --> 00:49:15,745 James, Phillippa! 816 00:49:17,581 --> 00:49:18,415 Ew. 817 00:49:24,379 --> 00:49:26,965 You're not gonna jump, are you? 818 00:49:27,132 --> 00:49:29,843 I hadn't thought about that. Thank you. 819 00:49:30,802 --> 00:49:32,721 (SCREAMING) (CRASHING) 820 00:49:32,888 --> 00:49:33,930 OK, we're not getting anywhere. 821 00:49:34,097 --> 00:49:35,557 What does any of this have to do with Kathy? 822 00:49:35,724 --> 00:49:37,517 Kathy? I thought you were Kathy. 823 00:49:40,896 --> 00:49:42,063 Oh. 824 00:49:55,827 --> 00:50:00,916 "Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto." (GASPS) 825 00:50:18,558 --> 00:50:20,769 (JODY SCREAMS, DISTORTED) What's happening to me?! 826 00:50:20,936 --> 00:50:22,354 (GASPS, PANTING) 827 00:50:22,521 --> 00:50:25,607 - That must have been her. - Mama. 828 00:50:26,733 --> 00:50:28,485 She wants to take us home to the cliff. 829 00:50:29,945 --> 00:50:31,780 - What does that mean? - I don't know. 830 00:50:32,906 --> 00:50:34,906 But I trust you'll give me a favorable Yelp review? 831 00:50:37,702 --> 00:50:40,413 (BARKING) 832 00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:43,480 NARRATOR: Jody's mission was clear. 833 00:50:43,625 --> 00:50:45,544 The evil book that created Mama 834 00:50:45,710 --> 00:50:49,256 was located in the cellar of a cabin, in the woods. 835 00:50:49,422 --> 00:50:53,552 If she could find that cabin, maybe she could find some answers. 836 00:50:53,718 --> 00:50:56,805 If we can find that cabin, maybe we can find some answers. 837 00:50:56,972 --> 00:50:58,848 OK, calm down. I'm gonna come over. 838 00:50:59,015 --> 00:51:00,392 (ELECTRICITY SURGING) 839 00:51:00,559 --> 00:51:01,851 - Kendra? - What? 840 00:51:02,018 --> 00:51:03,562 (PANTING) 841 00:51:03,728 --> 00:51:05,647 OK, wait, what's going on now? 842 00:51:05,814 --> 00:51:08,149 I think she's out there! 843 00:51:09,651 --> 00:51:11,736 OK, OK, just... you stay calm! 844 00:51:11,903 --> 00:51:13,143 FEMALE VOICE: Front door open. 845 00:51:13,154 --> 00:51:15,282 - She's in the house! - Front door open. 846 00:51:15,448 --> 00:51:17,576 - OK, stay... - Front door open. 847 00:51:17,742 --> 00:51:19,160 Shut the hell up! 848 00:51:19,327 --> 00:51:20,954 FEMALE VOICE: No need for that, bitch. 849 00:51:21,121 --> 00:51:23,081 - Bitch?! (HIGH PITCHED SQUEAL) - Front door open. 850 00:51:23,164 --> 00:51:25,292 - No, you did not just call me a bitch! - Front door open... 851 00:51:25,458 --> 00:51:26,459 (SCREAMING) 852 00:51:28,628 --> 00:51:30,046 - Honey? - Dan?! 853 00:51:30,213 --> 00:51:34,175 I am so sorry. I didn't know who you were and... 854 00:51:34,342 --> 00:51:38,054 It's OK, honey, it was an accident. Right, Caesar? 855 00:51:38,221 --> 00:51:40,974 - And of course he can stay here. (DOORBELL RINGS) 856 00:51:44,144 --> 00:51:46,354 Look at that. Caesar wants to help out around the house. 857 00:51:46,521 --> 00:51:47,522 Aw. 858 00:51:48,106 --> 00:51:50,400 Hey... (SCREAMING) 859 00:51:56,364 --> 00:51:58,700 I'm sorry, I see an ape, I come out swinging. 860 00:51:58,867 --> 00:52:01,953 - That's understandable. (GRUNTING) 861 00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:03,622 Here you go. 862 00:52:03,788 --> 00:52:06,750 I am so glad you're OK, but tonight was a wake-up call. 863 00:52:06,916 --> 00:52:10,712 - I think we've got to find that cabin. - OK. I got an idea. 864 00:52:10,879 --> 00:52:14,299 Wait, we fired Maria. Who's gonna watch the kids? 865 00:52:14,466 --> 00:52:16,968 - I already took care of it. (DOORBELL RINGS) 866 00:52:18,303 --> 00:52:21,014 - Naughty Nanny's here. - Nice to meet you, Naughty. 867 00:52:21,181 --> 00:52:24,225 - This is my wife Jody. - Threesome? That costs extra. 868 00:52:25,310 --> 00:52:28,021 Oh, Jesus. Monkey, too? 869 00:52:28,188 --> 00:52:32,108 Oh, you people are freaks, but for an extra $100. 870 00:52:32,275 --> 00:52:33,652 What agency did you call? 871 00:52:33,818 --> 00:52:36,363 Oh, they have nurses and cheerleaders and nannies. 872 00:52:36,529 --> 00:52:38,782 Dan, you called an escort service. 873 00:52:38,948 --> 00:52:41,660 I used the same agency to book a Santa for Christmas. 874 00:52:41,826 --> 00:52:43,495 Someone called for Santa? 875 00:52:44,621 --> 00:52:46,956 Ho, ho, ho. 876 00:52:49,000 --> 00:52:51,044 Dan, you're watching the kids. 877 00:52:56,591 --> 00:53:00,929 NARRATOR: Jody was nervous about what she might find at the cabin, 878 00:53:01,096 --> 00:53:02,681 but she was comforted by the fact 879 00:53:02,847 --> 00:53:06,267 that Caesar and the girls were in good hands. 880 00:53:06,476 --> 00:53:07,894 (GRUNTING) 881 00:53:23,535 --> 00:53:25,745 (LAUGHING) 882 00:53:26,746 --> 00:53:28,206 (GRUNTS) (THUD) 883 00:53:32,001 --> 00:53:33,211 (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) 884 00:53:35,130 --> 00:53:37,507 Who do you work for? 885 00:53:37,674 --> 00:53:38,675 (HOUSE MUSIC PLAYS) 886 00:53:38,842 --> 00:53:40,760 JODY: Kendra, this isn't the cabin I was talking about. 887 00:53:40,927 --> 00:53:43,930 KENDRA: I know, I just thought you needed to relax. 888 00:53:44,097 --> 00:53:45,140 Take one of these. 889 00:53:45,974 --> 00:53:48,601 Um, I don't know. 890 00:53:48,768 --> 00:53:51,563 Oh, come on, they'll only last a couple of hours, tops. 891 00:53:51,730 --> 00:53:54,899 Kendra, I don't need drugs to have fun. 892 00:53:55,066 --> 00:53:57,652 (SCREAMING) 893 00:53:59,237 --> 00:54:00,397 - Let me take a picture. - OK. 894 00:54:00,488 --> 00:54:01,656 Oh, that's so hot! 895 00:54:01,823 --> 00:54:03,491 Yeah! 896 00:54:05,160 --> 00:54:07,704 Yeah, ride it, yeah, yeah! 897 00:54:22,093 --> 00:54:24,763 A dollar will make me holler, honey boo boo child. 898 00:54:24,929 --> 00:54:28,057 (SCREAMING) 899 00:54:28,224 --> 00:54:29,684 (SCREAMING CONTINUES) 900 00:54:29,851 --> 00:54:31,936 (SHOUTING) 901 00:54:50,288 --> 00:54:52,916 (ELECTRONIC POP MUSIC PLAYS) 902 00:55:09,974 --> 00:55:12,143 - Sorry. (MOUTHING) 903 00:55:16,105 --> 00:55:17,148 (EXHALES) 904 00:55:17,941 --> 00:55:18,942 (GASPS) 905 00:55:22,487 --> 00:55:23,321 (BOTH GASP) 906 00:55:25,657 --> 00:55:27,659 I don't always go downtown, 907 00:55:27,826 --> 00:55:31,746 but when I do, I drink a beer first. 908 00:55:31,913 --> 00:55:35,667 I'm the king of the world! Woo! Woo! 909 00:55:36,459 --> 00:55:39,003 (GRUNTS) I'm wicked hard! 910 00:55:39,671 --> 00:55:41,089 (GRUNTING) 911 00:55:42,674 --> 00:55:43,800 Mind if I play through? 912 00:55:44,384 --> 00:55:45,677 (GLASS BREAKING) - Ooh, shit! 913 00:55:45,844 --> 00:55:48,930 Again? You son of a bitch, I'm gonna kill you! 914 00:56:13,872 --> 00:56:15,748 (TRAIN HORN) 915 00:56:21,087 --> 00:56:23,089 (FOG HORN SOUNDS) 916 00:56:26,426 --> 00:56:29,929 (PANTING) Oh, my God, rehearsal. I'm late. 917 00:56:30,305 --> 00:56:34,767 Oh, no, oh, my God, oh, my God. Oh, my God. 918 00:56:34,934 --> 00:56:37,145 (PIANO PLAYS CLASSICAL MUSIC) 919 00:56:43,610 --> 00:56:44,527 (APPLAUSE) 920 00:56:47,155 --> 00:56:48,948 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 921 00:56:50,491 --> 00:56:53,828 - Stop, stop! - Oh, Jody, thank God you're here, girl. 922 00:56:53,995 --> 00:56:55,413 I was just dancing and kissing him 923 00:56:55,580 --> 00:56:56,998 'cause I didn't want him to think about you being late. 924 00:56:57,165 --> 00:56:59,406 Well, I'm the dancer, so I'll do the kissing around here. 925 00:56:59,542 --> 00:57:01,210 That was amazing. 926 00:57:04,213 --> 00:57:05,453 I want you to have my children. 927 00:57:05,590 --> 00:57:07,967 But, Papa, please, we want to stay with you. 928 00:57:08,134 --> 00:57:10,386 - Back in the car, Gaston. - Aw... 929 00:57:10,553 --> 00:57:12,221 She can't make you forget about me. 930 00:57:12,388 --> 00:57:14,474 I overslept because you just took off this morning. 931 00:57:14,641 --> 00:57:16,184 - This morning? - Yeah, you slept over. 932 00:57:16,351 --> 00:57:19,062 What? Wait a minute, did you have some kind of lezzo dream fantasy 933 00:57:19,228 --> 00:57:21,230 - about me? - Don't act like you weren't there. 934 00:57:21,397 --> 00:57:24,233 We had something special. We made love last night for hours. 935 00:57:24,400 --> 00:57:26,152 - What? - Oh, and now you're gonna tell me 936 00:57:26,319 --> 00:57:27,654 Tiger Woods didn't come out of my vagina? 937 00:57:27,820 --> 00:57:29,030 (ALL SPITTING, GASPING) 938 00:57:30,406 --> 00:57:33,451 - Jody. (EXHALES, CHUCKLES) 939 00:57:33,618 --> 00:57:35,495 What?! 940 00:57:35,662 --> 00:57:37,789 Oh, yeah, yeah. 941 00:57:37,956 --> 00:57:40,166 Well, that explains the poison ivy. 942 00:57:40,333 --> 00:57:41,709 Jody? 943 00:57:42,835 --> 00:57:45,046 - There you are. - Kendra? 944 00:57:45,213 --> 00:57:46,839 Oh, the door was open so I let myself in. 945 00:57:47,006 --> 00:57:49,676 It's OK. Look, I'm so sorry. 946 00:57:49,842 --> 00:57:52,345 I really believed something happened between us last night. 947 00:57:52,512 --> 00:57:55,682 - I must have dreamt the whole thing. - Oh, no, we had sex. 948 00:57:55,848 --> 00:57:57,488 But this morning at rehearsal, you said... 949 00:57:57,517 --> 00:57:59,397 I can't have the whole cast knowing my business. 950 00:57:59,519 --> 00:58:01,020 I'm already doing half of 'em, 951 00:58:01,187 --> 00:58:03,022 and besides, me and Pierre... we have this little thing... 952 00:58:03,189 --> 00:58:04,399 Wait, then, what's this? 953 00:58:05,900 --> 00:58:07,620 Beats me... must have happened after I left. 954 00:58:07,735 --> 00:58:11,030 - Oh, yeah! - Girl, you are freaky. 955 00:58:12,865 --> 00:58:14,617 (MICROWAVE DINGS) - Oh, yeah. 956 00:58:14,784 --> 00:58:16,953 Oh, yeah, get it. Oh, my God. 957 00:58:19,414 --> 00:58:21,207 (GROWLING) - Oh, shit! 958 00:58:21,374 --> 00:58:24,210 (CRASHING) - See, I knew she was real. 959 00:58:26,462 --> 00:58:28,542 JODY: All right, let's find out where this cabin is. 960 00:58:29,841 --> 00:58:31,634 (MUSIC PLAYS ON COMPUTER) - Ugh! 961 00:58:37,974 --> 00:58:41,477 (MUSIC PLAYS ON COMPUTER) 962 00:58:44,230 --> 00:58:45,398 (LILY PANTING) 963 00:58:46,190 --> 00:58:48,693 KENDRA: What in the hell? (EXCLAIMS) 964 00:58:48,860 --> 00:58:50,987 - Bad girl. (WHIMPERING) 965 00:58:52,488 --> 00:58:53,489 Oh, what is this? 966 00:58:53,656 --> 00:58:57,201 JODY: Oh, my God, it's the same cabin from the dream. Of course. 967 00:58:58,745 --> 00:59:00,496 KENDRA: So, what are we gonna do if we find that book? 968 00:59:00,663 --> 00:59:03,332 JODY: I don't know, if that's the book that turned Mama into what she is, 969 00:59:03,499 --> 00:59:06,044 maybe it could somehow reverse the curse. 970 00:59:06,210 --> 00:59:07,670 OK, we're almost there. 971 00:59:09,005 --> 00:59:12,175 - Hey, I'm not going in there. - We have to go inside. 972 00:59:12,341 --> 00:59:15,553 The book is the key to the nightmare I'm living. 973 00:59:15,720 --> 00:59:19,265 - Oh, my gosh, who are you? - I'm Jody and this is Kendra. 974 00:59:19,432 --> 00:59:21,184 We're looking for something very important. 975 00:59:21,350 --> 00:59:23,603 We all are. Come on in. 976 00:59:28,858 --> 00:59:32,070 ♪ Go tell it on the mountain 977 00:59:32,236 --> 00:59:36,407 ♪ Over the hills and everywhere Go... 978 00:59:36,574 --> 00:59:39,077 Everybody, this is Jody and Kendra. 979 00:59:39,243 --> 00:59:40,995 - Hello, Jody and Kendra. - Hi. 980 00:59:41,162 --> 00:59:42,413 Pardon me for not standing, 981 00:59:42,580 --> 00:59:45,140 but I'm mending the wing of this bird that we found in the woods. 982 00:59:45,249 --> 00:59:47,960 OK. Hi, we're in a hurry. 983 00:59:48,127 --> 00:59:49,879 We're actually looking for a book that could save lives. 984 00:59:50,046 --> 00:59:52,381 - Yes, I've got it right here. - Oh, thank God. 985 00:59:52,548 --> 00:59:56,719 Thank him indeed. The Bible. Here, let me read to you. 986 00:59:56,886 --> 00:59:59,597 Oh, no, no, see, we're actually looking for... 987 00:59:59,764 --> 01:00:03,601 - ...the book of evil. - I know evil all too well. 988 01:00:03,768 --> 01:00:05,645 - You do? - This weekend's devoted to Mia. 989 01:00:05,812 --> 01:00:07,063 It's a detox weekend. 990 01:00:08,439 --> 01:00:10,733 She's hooked on energy shots. 991 01:00:10,900 --> 01:00:12,485 Oh, yeah, that's a real struggle. 992 01:00:12,652 --> 01:00:14,320 OK, listen, we're looking for another book 993 01:00:14,487 --> 01:00:17,156 - somewhere in this cabin. - Hm. We haven't seen anything. 994 01:00:17,323 --> 01:00:18,991 We gave it a shot, let's get out of here. 995 01:00:19,158 --> 01:00:20,993 OK, wait. 996 01:00:21,160 --> 01:00:24,247 - Is there a cellar? (SCOFFS) - Great. 997 01:00:29,001 --> 01:00:31,087 - There it is. - Oh! 998 01:00:47,728 --> 01:00:49,021 OK, I don't care what it says. 999 01:00:50,481 --> 01:00:52,275 "The curse begins with four words. 1000 01:00:52,441 --> 01:00:55,820 Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto." 1001 01:01:04,954 --> 01:01:07,456 (SCREAMING) 1002 01:01:07,623 --> 01:01:09,343 (DISTORTED) You're all going to die tonight. 1003 01:01:09,876 --> 01:01:12,170 (SNORTING, COUGHING) 1004 01:01:12,336 --> 01:01:14,177 (NORMAL VOICE) You're all going to die tonight. 1005 01:01:15,840 --> 01:01:18,217 (SCREAMING) (BIRD COOING) 1006 01:01:28,436 --> 01:01:30,062 JODY: "The curse ends with one word." 1007 01:01:30,229 --> 01:01:31,856 "Adunda." 1008 01:01:34,483 --> 01:01:35,818 What the heck? 1009 01:01:35,985 --> 01:01:39,447 - Why? (SOBBING) - I don't have an arm. 1010 01:01:40,823 --> 01:01:43,409 For some reason I cut my tongue in half. 1011 01:01:43,576 --> 01:01:46,996 OK, well, let's at least finish the song. Everyone hold hands. 1012 01:01:47,163 --> 01:01:50,416 - Except for Eric. - Damn. 1013 01:01:50,583 --> 01:01:54,629 ♪ Go tell it on the mountain 1014 01:01:54,795 --> 01:01:58,966 ♪ Over the hills and everywhere 1015 01:01:59,133 --> 01:02:01,594 Well, maybe we didn't do it right. 1016 01:02:01,761 --> 01:02:04,513 "Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto." 1017 01:02:06,557 --> 01:02:07,767 (SCREAMING) 1018 01:02:17,276 --> 01:02:19,320 "Adunda." 1019 01:02:19,487 --> 01:02:22,114 Why does this keep happening? Where's my arm? 1020 01:02:22,281 --> 01:02:24,742 - Is this yours? - That's a left. 1021 01:02:24,909 --> 01:02:26,452 That's mine. Could you hand it to me, please? 1022 01:02:26,619 --> 01:02:29,121 - I need a right. - Eric chainsawed it off. 1023 01:02:29,288 --> 01:02:31,540 - Look, I'm sorry. - My... My leg? 1024 01:02:31,707 --> 01:02:34,085 No, that's black. It's not mine. 1025 01:02:34,252 --> 01:02:36,837 - Oh, shit. - I don't know what I'm gonna do. 1026 01:02:37,004 --> 01:02:39,840 (SOBBING) - Oh, cry me a river. 1027 01:02:40,007 --> 01:02:42,327 I'm gonna need a little help. I have to go to the bathroom. 1028 01:02:43,302 --> 01:02:46,973 - My penis is in the corner. - This is fucked up. 1029 01:02:47,139 --> 01:02:48,641 Let me try. 1030 01:02:50,476 --> 01:02:55,314 "Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto." 1031 01:02:58,192 --> 01:02:59,193 Nothing again. 1032 01:02:59,360 --> 01:03:00,861 (SCREAMING) 1033 01:03:02,655 --> 01:03:04,282 - You know what? Let's go. - Wait, there's a door right here. 1034 01:03:04,448 --> 01:03:05,741 Let's go out this way. 1035 01:03:05,908 --> 01:03:08,369 OK, cool, we can avoid the weirdos upstairs. 1036 01:03:08,536 --> 01:03:11,998 (DISTORTED) ♪ We're gonna get you 1037 01:03:12,164 --> 01:03:14,959 ♪ Not another peep 1038 01:03:15,126 --> 01:03:16,460 (SHRIEKS) 1039 01:03:17,003 --> 01:03:22,925 JODY, KENDRA: Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto. Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto. 1040 01:03:23,259 --> 01:03:25,636 JODY: Kendra and I recited the Latin words over and over 1041 01:03:25,803 --> 01:03:27,888 at the cabin and on the way home. 1042 01:03:28,055 --> 01:03:30,850 We must have said it a hundred times, but nothing happened. 1043 01:03:31,017 --> 01:03:32,297 What if it isn't the right book? 1044 01:03:32,351 --> 01:03:34,687 Maybe the curse has somehow been lifted. 1045 01:03:36,689 --> 01:03:40,026 NARRATOR: Luckily for Dan and Jody, there was someone in the house 1046 01:03:40,192 --> 01:03:42,528 who, thanks to the I-13 formula, 1047 01:03:42,695 --> 01:03:46,490 had increased intelligence and superior cognitive ability. 1048 01:03:46,657 --> 01:03:49,201 His analytical problem-solving skills allowed him... 1049 01:03:49,368 --> 01:03:52,163 (BABY LAUGHING) - ...to ascertain crucial information. 1050 01:03:52,330 --> 01:03:57,293 A marvel of modern-da y science, his IQ had surpassed even the most... 1051 01:03:57,460 --> 01:03:58,711 Aw, hell. 1052 01:04:04,508 --> 01:04:07,595 (COOING) 1053 01:04:09,305 --> 01:04:11,182 (ECHOING GROAN) 1054 01:04:18,105 --> 01:04:19,940 (GROWLING, GRUNTING) 1055 01:04:21,150 --> 01:04:23,444 (SCREAMING) 1056 01:04:29,700 --> 01:04:31,577 Why did I think you could be intelligent? 1057 01:04:31,744 --> 01:04:33,746 You're nothing but a dumb animal. 1058 01:04:33,913 --> 01:04:35,289 Ow! 1059 01:04:35,456 --> 01:04:37,249 Idiot! 1060 01:04:39,668 --> 01:04:41,921 - I can talk. MAN: Hey, Caesar. 1061 01:04:43,589 --> 01:04:46,592 (GASPS) Steve? 1062 01:04:46,759 --> 01:04:48,427 Dan's got a mad demon in his house. 1063 01:04:49,220 --> 01:04:52,306 - Matt Damon's in his house? - No, a mad demon. 1064 01:04:52,473 --> 01:04:56,560 I love Matt Damon. Jason Bourne. (IMITATES GUNFIRE) 1065 01:04:56,727 --> 01:04:57,937 Oy. 1066 01:05:00,606 --> 01:05:03,734 I should have known not to bring a wild animal into the house. 1067 01:05:03,901 --> 01:05:05,528 I'm... I'm so sorry. 1068 01:05:05,694 --> 01:05:07,774 But I believed in Caesar. I thought he was different. 1069 01:05:07,863 --> 01:05:09,103 There's something more to this. 1070 01:05:09,156 --> 01:05:12,535 - I can feel it. - No, he just... went crazy. 1071 01:05:12,701 --> 01:05:16,038 Forget it. But I still think Mama could be in this house. 1072 01:05:16,205 --> 01:05:17,957 - But don't you... - We just had a whole night go on 1073 01:05:18,124 --> 01:05:21,877 - without a single sign of anything. - I guess. 1074 01:05:22,878 --> 01:05:24,797 I was just so scared last night for the kids. 1075 01:05:24,964 --> 01:05:26,424 You're coming around. 1076 01:05:28,008 --> 01:05:31,429 JODY: Am I getting attached to them? (SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS) 1077 01:06:12,678 --> 01:06:14,430 JODY: It's the cliff from the dream. 1078 01:06:15,139 --> 01:06:17,933 (DISTORTED VOICE) Get in the car now. Don't make me yell! 1079 01:06:18,100 --> 01:06:20,686 Unto thee, Satan, I sacrifice these children. 1080 01:06:20,853 --> 01:06:23,272 Return home to the cliff of... Holy shit! 1081 01:06:23,439 --> 01:06:24,982 (SCREAMING) (KATHY CRYING) 1082 01:06:25,149 --> 01:06:27,776 Home is at the cliff. Oh, my God. Girls! 1083 01:06:28,652 --> 01:06:32,156 Kathy. It's OK. I saw the cliff. I know what "home" means. 1084 01:06:32,323 --> 01:06:34,116 (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) 1085 01:06:34,283 --> 01:06:38,287 (MOANING) (SCREAMING) 1086 01:06:43,417 --> 01:06:45,127 - Whoa! (CRASH) 1087 01:06:47,129 --> 01:06:48,547 Come on, girls. Let's go get Aidan. 1088 01:06:48,714 --> 01:06:50,549 That's cool. 1089 01:06:50,716 --> 01:06:53,093 Lily! Come on. 1090 01:06:54,970 --> 01:06:56,847 Aidan! Are you OK? (SCREAMING) 1091 01:07:05,814 --> 01:07:07,525 Uncle Dan! Uncle Dan! 1092 01:07:07,691 --> 01:07:09,151 Mama! Mama! Mama! 1093 01:07:09,318 --> 01:07:10,444 (GROWLING) - She's here! 1094 01:07:10,611 --> 01:07:13,531 Whoa. Girls, girls, girls. One at a time. Lily, you first. 1095 01:07:13,697 --> 01:07:16,617 (GROWLING) 1096 01:07:16,784 --> 01:07:18,077 Got it. Now Kathy. 1097 01:07:18,244 --> 01:07:20,663 Mama! Mama! She's here! She's gonna kill us! 1098 01:07:20,829 --> 01:07:23,249 How many times do I have to tell everyone there's no such thing as... 1099 01:07:23,415 --> 01:07:25,042 (SCREAMING) (ELECTRICITY SURGING) 1100 01:07:31,257 --> 01:07:33,008 (SCREAMING) 1101 01:07:34,843 --> 01:07:36,595 (MUFFLED SHOUTING) 1102 01:07:49,191 --> 01:07:50,401 (CHUCKLES) Ow! 1103 01:08:08,294 --> 01:08:09,962 (GROANING) 1104 01:08:10,129 --> 01:08:11,714 Maria? What are you doing here? 1105 01:08:11,880 --> 01:08:14,717 I was angry you fire me, so I bake you this. 1106 01:08:16,093 --> 01:08:19,179 (FLIES BUZZING) - A shit pie? 1107 01:08:19,346 --> 01:08:22,433 - Uh, thanks, but... - Hot dog? 1108 01:08:24,184 --> 01:08:27,313 No, that's still shit with mustard. 1109 01:08:27,479 --> 01:08:31,734 Maybe just a banana, then? Very much potassium. 1110 01:08:31,900 --> 01:08:34,445 So bueno, Mr. Dan. 1111 01:08:34,612 --> 01:08:36,864 No, I... I'm sorry. I should have listened to you... 1112 01:08:37,031 --> 01:08:41,452 Mr. Dan, we have our problems, but I always love you. 1113 01:08:41,619 --> 01:08:43,037 So much. 1114 01:08:43,704 --> 01:08:45,664 (MUFFLED GRUNTS) 1115 01:08:48,584 --> 01:08:51,378 When I see you, I see my father. 1116 01:08:53,881 --> 01:08:55,257 Dan. Dan, we have to... 1117 01:08:56,342 --> 01:08:59,386 - Wait. What's going on here? - I can explain. 1118 01:09:00,262 --> 01:09:02,782 There's no time. Mama has the girls. I know where she took them. 1119 01:09:03,557 --> 01:09:05,267 Got to go. 1120 01:09:05,434 --> 01:09:06,935 You remind me of my father. 1121 01:09:07,102 --> 01:09:08,854 JODY: Dan! 1122 01:09:11,774 --> 01:09:13,651 NARRATOR: Knowing the girls were in danger, 1123 01:09:13,817 --> 01:09:17,029 Dan and Jody sped off, racing to get to the cliff they... 1124 01:09:17,196 --> 01:09:19,406 Oh, my God. What happened to the car? 1125 01:09:19,573 --> 01:09:20,991 Where...? Oh, there it is. 1126 01:09:21,158 --> 01:09:25,454 They were no longer able to sit idly by and let a ghost jump off a cliff, 1127 01:09:25,621 --> 01:09:27,206 - sacrificing their children with her. DAN: Kathy! Lily! 1128 01:09:27,373 --> 01:09:30,042 Oh, my God. There they are. Kathy, Lily, stop! 1129 01:09:30,250 --> 01:09:32,711 (GRUNTING, GROWLING) 1130 01:09:32,878 --> 01:09:35,005 - What do we do now? - Um, I'll just... 1131 01:09:35,172 --> 01:09:37,013 ...read from this and change her back to human. 1132 01:09:37,049 --> 01:09:38,050 (SCREAMING) (GROWLING) 1133 01:09:45,724 --> 01:09:48,143 Girls, run! Run! No. 1134 01:09:48,310 --> 01:09:49,895 No, not that way. Away from the cliff! 1135 01:09:52,356 --> 01:09:53,565 I'm not going to let Mama take you away again. 1136 01:09:53,732 --> 01:09:55,943 (WHISTLING) 1137 01:10:00,155 --> 01:10:04,034 Lily, stop! Come on. Come on. Here, girl. Come on, Lily. 1138 01:10:05,411 --> 01:10:09,081 Come on. Look. Oh, look. Yeah. 1139 01:10:09,248 --> 01:10:11,458 (SQUEALS) (PANTS) 1140 01:10:14,628 --> 01:10:18,382 Come on. Look. Oh, yeah. Lily. 1141 01:10:18,549 --> 01:10:21,427 Oh, wow. Yeah. 1142 01:10:22,636 --> 01:10:23,887 Oh, come on. 1143 01:10:24,930 --> 01:10:27,725 Enough! This is crazy. 1144 01:10:27,891 --> 01:10:30,477 - Lily's not a dog. (WHIMPERS) 1145 01:10:30,644 --> 01:10:33,105 She's a beautiful little girl who I've grown to love. 1146 01:10:33,272 --> 01:10:36,734 I love all these children, Mama, even if they don't all love me. 1147 01:10:36,900 --> 01:10:41,113 - Lily loves you, too, Jody. (LILY PANTING) 1148 01:10:41,280 --> 01:10:42,823 And they belong in this world with me and Dan. 1149 01:10:42,990 --> 01:10:45,617 Because they deserve parents who aren't decomposing. 1150 01:10:46,660 --> 01:10:48,162 Good girl. 1151 01:10:48,328 --> 01:10:51,457 (SQUEALING) - All right, enough. 1152 01:10:52,541 --> 01:10:54,543 Where's the page? Damn it, I can't find it. 1153 01:10:54,710 --> 01:10:56,170 Forget it. 1154 01:10:56,336 --> 01:10:58,338 There, that worked. Maybe not. 1155 01:10:58,505 --> 01:10:59,882 (GROWLING) 1156 01:11:03,135 --> 01:11:05,929 (GROWLING) (HOWLING IN PAIN) 1157 01:11:10,017 --> 01:11:12,478 (SCREAMING) 1158 01:11:12,644 --> 01:11:15,147 (WOMEN EXCLAIMING) 1159 01:11:15,314 --> 01:11:17,274 (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) 1160 01:11:17,441 --> 01:11:19,902 Man, we need to stop smoking this shit. 1161 01:11:23,989 --> 01:11:26,200 Told you that shark was going to come in handy. 1162 01:11:26,366 --> 01:11:28,619 Thank you. Lily. 1163 01:11:29,495 --> 01:11:31,497 Honey, thank God you're all right. 1164 01:11:44,176 --> 01:11:47,012 - Your cue is coming up. - Oh, Kendra. 1165 01:11:49,765 --> 01:11:52,017 Look, it's OK, girl. Let's forget about what happened. 1166 01:11:52,184 --> 01:11:56,355 - You are the Black Swan. - No. It's you. 1167 01:11:56,522 --> 01:12:00,442 Throwing Mama off the cliff has really made me reevaluate my priorities. 1168 01:12:00,609 --> 01:12:03,737 My family comes first. You dance the Black Swan. 1169 01:12:04,947 --> 01:12:07,449 - Because sometimes in life... - OK. 1170 01:12:09,117 --> 01:12:13,789 MAN: Introducing our new Swan Queen, Miss Kendra Brooks. 1171 01:12:13,956 --> 01:12:16,041 (ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYS) 1172 01:12:35,561 --> 01:12:38,814 - This is not ballet. - No, it the hell ain't. 1173 01:12:40,691 --> 01:12:42,401 This some bullshit. 1174 01:12:44,528 --> 01:12:47,322 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 1175 01:12:47,489 --> 01:12:49,241 (YELLING) 1176 01:12:51,326 --> 01:12:54,162 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 1177 01:12:54,329 --> 01:12:57,249 That's what I'm talking about! Right? Right? 1178 01:12:57,416 --> 01:12:58,792 You know that shit, right? 1179 01:12:58,959 --> 01:13:01,962 NARRATOR: And so our story ends. 1180 01:13:02,129 --> 01:13:04,298 If anything is to be learned from this, 1181 01:13:04,464 --> 01:13:07,426 it's that mankind is a pathetic race 1182 01:13:07,593 --> 01:13:10,971 and apes need to take over this planet. 1183 01:13:11,138 --> 01:13:14,600 Enjoy Earth while you still got it. (LAUGHING) 1184 01:13:15,017 --> 01:13:17,936 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYS) 1185 01:13:57,392 --> 01:14:01,063 Well, we'll see how you like it once the swan consumes you! 1186 01:14:19,164 --> 01:14:22,334 (LAUGHING QUIETLY) (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 1187 01:14:22,501 --> 01:14:25,712 I cannot hold it that long. It's, like... it's so long. 1188 01:14:35,931 --> 01:14:38,600 (BLEEPING) 1189 01:14:48,151 --> 01:14:50,904 (GRUNTING, SCREAMING) 1190 01:14:56,702 --> 01:14:58,412 We're kissing. 1191 01:15:03,333 --> 01:15:05,419 (LAUGHING) MAN: Cut! Cut! 1192 01:15:07,129 --> 01:15:08,547 - Cut! (LAUGHING) 1193 01:15:12,300 --> 01:15:13,301 We're kissing. 1194 01:15:32,612 --> 01:15:35,699 (LAUGHTER) MAN: Cut! 1195 01:15:44,708 --> 01:15:46,543 (BANG) (GASPS) 1196 01:15:47,711 --> 01:15:48,879 (LAUGHTER) 1197 01:15:49,046 --> 01:15:51,465 - What happened? MAN: Guy was in the shot. 1198 01:15:51,631 --> 01:15:54,176 - Ah. MAN: Cut! 1199 01:15:54,342 --> 01:15:55,635 But was he dressed like a demon? 1200 01:15:58,764 --> 01:16:00,524 MAN: Do the second "my penis" as a question. 1201 01:16:00,682 --> 01:16:02,768 OK. And then "my other penis" is a question also? 1202 01:16:02,934 --> 01:16:04,102 MAN: Yeah. - OK. 1203 01:16:04,269 --> 01:16:06,188 But remember, you're jumping to "What the hell is that?" 1204 01:16:06,354 --> 01:16:08,440 - I know. I don't know why. - You're jumping... Yeah. 1205 01:16:08,607 --> 01:16:10,317 There's just so many penises. 1206 01:16:10,484 --> 01:16:12,861 MAN: Welcome to Hollywood. (LAUGHING) 1207 01:16:15,906 --> 01:16:18,283 - I'm ready for it. - Hey. 1208 01:16:18,450 --> 01:16:19,951 I'm OK With this. 1209 01:16:20,118 --> 01:16:23,038 That's the temporary nurses' shower. 1210 01:16:23,205 --> 01:16:25,123 - And we're painting it. - Cut. 1211 01:16:25,290 --> 01:16:28,293 That's the... temporary nurses' shower. 1212 01:16:28,460 --> 01:16:30,087 I'm OK With this. 1213 01:16:34,174 --> 01:16:35,967 Sorry, you guys. I... 1214 01:16:39,471 --> 01:16:40,806 I'm OK With this. 1215 01:16:40,972 --> 01:16:44,392 That's the nurses' temporary locker room, 1216 01:16:44,559 --> 01:16:46,186 and we're repainting it. 1217 01:16:47,896 --> 01:16:49,147 (LAUGHING) MAN: Cut. 1218 01:16:56,071 --> 01:16:59,282 Ouch. Hello here! 1219 01:17:02,410 --> 01:17:03,495 MAN: B mark! 1220 01:17:03,662 --> 01:17:05,580 - And background. MAN 2: Action! 1221 01:17:08,375 --> 01:17:10,168 Oh! (BLEEPING) 1222 01:17:15,632 --> 01:17:18,760 Jody! Thank God I caught you. 1223 01:17:19,719 --> 01:17:22,556 I forgot to tell you, now that you are the Swan Queen... 1224 01:17:26,518 --> 01:17:27,853 Suck my... (BLEEP) 1225 01:17:30,438 --> 01:17:32,607 I'll save you, Snoop Dogg. 1226 01:17:32,774 --> 01:17:35,902 My name ain't Snoop Dogg in this... (BLEEPING) movie, man! 1227 01:17:36,069 --> 01:17:38,029 (LAUGHING) 1228 01:17:41,158 --> 01:17:43,368 - Well, I mean, I... - Sh... 1229 01:17:45,078 --> 01:17:46,663 (LAUGHING) 1230 01:17:53,503 --> 01:17:54,504 Stop it! 1231 01:17:54,671 --> 01:17:56,548 We're good. We're good. 1232 01:17:59,676 --> 01:18:02,888 MAN: Now prepare for a night of unparalleled passion. 1233 01:18:03,054 --> 01:18:05,724 - Oh, wait, wait, Mr. Grey... - The safe word is "deeper." 1234 01:18:05,891 --> 01:18:06,892 - What? (WHIP CRACKS) 1235 01:18:07,058 --> 01:18:07,976 (SCREAMING) 1236 01:18:13,940 --> 01:18:15,066 JODY: Damn! Ow! 1237 01:18:15,233 --> 01:18:16,568 Whoa! 1238 01:18:20,697 --> 01:18:22,498 What does all this have to do with the ballet? 1239 01:18:22,657 --> 01:18:26,161 - Ballet? (CHUCKLES) - Yes. Aren't you donating millions? 1240 01:18:26,328 --> 01:18:28,079 Millions? What...? I'm broke. 1241 01:18:28,246 --> 01:18:30,248 Every cent I have has been put into this room. 1242 01:18:34,794 --> 01:18:37,297 I don't know what I'm going to do. (SOBBING) 1243 01:18:37,464 --> 01:18:40,008 Oh, cry me a river. 1244 01:18:40,175 --> 01:18:44,596 I'm going to need a little help. I don't have a penis. 1245 01:18:44,763 --> 01:18:47,474 (LAUGHING) 1246 01:19:02,822 --> 01:19:04,366 It does not come off. 1247 01:19:04,532 --> 01:19:06,576 It does not come off. I'm sorry. 1248 01:19:09,704 --> 01:19:11,664 I'm getting tired of talking about this... (BLEEP) 1249 01:19:11,790 --> 01:19:13,750 In the woods with this man. 1250 01:19:13,917 --> 01:19:17,462 (BLEEP) ...man, we keep going in circles, talking about a... (BLEEP) man. 1251 01:19:17,629 --> 01:19:18,990 Let's talk about a... (BLEEP) man, 1252 01:19:19,130 --> 01:19:20,799 or getting some... (BLEEP) getting some... 1253 01:19:20,966 --> 01:19:23,086 Talking about... (BLEEP) these two dudes in the woods. 1254 01:19:23,134 --> 01:19:27,222 If we had a... (BLEEP) here, she could wash our... (BLEEP) off right now. 1255 01:19:27,389 --> 01:19:29,891 You understand me? That's the way I would say it. 1256 01:19:33,019 --> 01:19:34,771 Hey, babe, check out this psychic's book for a clue. 1257 01:19:34,938 --> 01:19:37,691 - It really freaks me out. - Come on, there's nothing to be... 1258 01:19:37,857 --> 01:19:39,609 Nuh! 1259 01:19:39,776 --> 01:19:42,487 These books are all... (SCREAMS) 1260 01:19:42,654 --> 01:19:45,198 There's nothing to be scared... (SCREAMING) 1261 01:19:50,412 --> 01:19:53,498 ...to be scared... (SCREAMING) 1262 01:19:54,791 --> 01:19:56,191 Oh, there's nothing to be scared... 1263 01:19:56,293 --> 01:19:58,086 Oh, wrong animal. (BLEEP) 1264 01:19:59,462 --> 01:20:02,632 ...be scared... A dinosaur? (BLEEP) 1265 01:20:06,845 --> 01:20:08,805 What does this have to do with...? 1266 01:20:08,972 --> 01:20:10,682 (LAUGHING) 1267 01:20:13,143 --> 01:20:14,185 I know. Sorry. 1268 01:20:16,021 --> 01:20:18,064 MAN: And... action! 1269 01:20:18,231 --> 01:20:21,860 What does this have to do with...? (LAUGHTER) Sorry. 1270 01:20:25,530 --> 01:20:29,326 You just keep cupping your boobs. OK, sorry. 1271 01:20:47,469 --> 01:20:49,471 OK, how do we know who's a witch? 1272 01:20:52,098 --> 01:20:54,225 Do they have a broom? 1273 01:20:54,392 --> 01:20:55,810 Do they have a pointy nose? 1274 01:20:55,977 --> 01:20:58,730 (ALL LAUGHING) 1275 01:21:02,192 --> 01:21:06,279 I'm... I'm going to pee my pants! 1276 01:21:13,995 --> 01:21:15,372 So, what, I didn't get the part? 1277 01:21:15,538 --> 01:21:17,415 Where's everybody going? 1278 01:27:22,113 --> 01:27:24,365 (SCORE PLAYING THROUGH HEADPHONES) 1279 01:27:27,076 --> 01:27:29,328 I just had the most bizarro dream. 1280 01:27:29,495 --> 01:27:31,664 Demons, apes, a ballet. 1281 01:27:31,831 --> 01:27:34,125 You have a very active subconscious. 1282 01:27:34,292 --> 01:27:36,502 Anyway, the idea took hold. 1283 01:27:36,669 --> 01:27:39,547 Lindsay Lohan's coming over to spend the night with you. 1284 01:27:39,714 --> 01:27:41,549 - Awesome! (VEHICLE APPROACHING) 1285 01:27:48,681 --> 01:27:49,932 You were driving.