1
00:00:11,303 --> 00:00:13,888
I remember the first night
I got paid real money

2
00:00:13,889 --> 00:00:17,767
I worked at a place inMinniapolis
called "The AcmeComedy Club,"

3
00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:19,769
um, run by a guy named Louis Lee

4
00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:21,979
and it was a club
I've worked at a lot

5
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,981
and it was always,
like, half-full, you know,

6
00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:25,582
and you pour your heart
into these shows,

7
00:00:25,606 --> 00:00:28,694
and then they give you like,
800 buck... maybe a 1,000,

8
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,095
and then you go onto
the next place.

9
00:00:30,119 --> 00:00:32,365
It's a sad life, you know?

10
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:35,785
But this one week I sold the place
out... I packed every show...

11
00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:37,536
And I had never really
done that before,

12
00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:39,747
and at the end of the week, Louis
handed me an envelope

13
00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:41,082
with $10,000 in it.

14
00:00:41,083 --> 00:00:42,917
And he said, "This is yours."

15
00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:44,627
And I said,
"Why are you giving me this?"

16
00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:47,004
And he said, "It's your money.
You brought the people in."

17
00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,714
This is where you're at now.

18
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,133
"You, this is how much
you should be making a week."

19
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:54,387
And he gave that to me and Ijust
started crying like a baby.

20
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:58,849
'Cause I got $10,000
for telling jokes, you know?

21
00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:03,020
Emcee: Acme has a podcast. We encourage
you to check out called "No Laugh Track."

22
00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:04,814
It's available on Pod
being in its interviews

23
00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:06,524
with all the headliners

24
00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:08,725
including the fantastic one
we have for you this evening

25
00:01:08,749 --> 00:01:10,903
he was a writer/producer
of "Freaks and Geeks,"

26
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:14,156
and one of the founders of"Mystery
Science Theater 3000,".

27
00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:16,200
Please put your hands
togetherfor Josh Weinstein.

28
00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:18,869
Ladies and gentlemen,
Josh Weinstein.

29
00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:21,870
Josh Weinstein: So hopefully you put
together that this is "Acme Comedy Co."

30
00:01:21,894 --> 00:01:23,708
That's me onstage
with the unfortunate hair.

31
00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:25,543
Thank you very much.

32
00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:27,464
Josh: I've been headlining
here for over 20 years

33
00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:29,297
and while I've never
literallycried with joy

34
00:01:29,298 --> 00:01:31,549
over my paycheck
like some people,

35
00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:33,750
it's still my favroite place
in the world to do standup.

36
00:01:33,774 --> 00:01:36,214
I don't know if there are, like,
spirits that haunt this room,

37
00:01:36,238 --> 00:01:39,265
but if there are
they love comedy

38
00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:41,642
because this room
is just always electric.

39
00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:45,271
You never really know how
lucky you are to start at Acme

40
00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:47,898
until you go on the road
and everybody's like,

41
00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:50,026
"How the fuck
do you get to play Acme?"

42
00:01:50,027 --> 00:01:51,944
It's just a special place.

43
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:55,489
We opened in November 1991.

44
00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:58,868
I come from, you know,
the clubs out of business,

45
00:01:58,869 --> 00:02:03,664
mostly, you know,
from the '80s to the mid '90s.

46
00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:07,793
I've seen comic
suffer through a lot.

47
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:13,090
I mean, it was a shame,
you know, how people run clubs.

48
00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:17,470
And when I see
how bitter the comics were

49
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:21,182
and I feel like somebody
got to do something about it

50
00:02:21,183 --> 00:02:24,894
and make the whole
comedy experience

51
00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:26,604
much better for the performer.

52
00:02:26,605 --> 00:02:29,774
The whole week
when I first worked it,

53
00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:33,194
I could not believe what was
happening at these shows.

54
00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:37,031
Like, I was like, "Why isn't every
show like this everywhere?"

55
00:02:37,032 --> 00:02:39,867
He has spent all this time

56
00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:43,662
kind of shaping and molding
his crowd how he wants them.

57
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:46,791
There's not that many clubs
that have comedy audiences.

58
00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:48,876
Because Louis has trained
them to do that,

59
00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:50,628
they come here to hear ideas.

60
00:02:50,629 --> 00:02:52,797
They come here to hear
somethingthat they're like,

61
00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:54,715
"Oh my God.
I haven't heard that before."

62
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,509
You do shit... hack stuff...

63
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:59,387
The laughs go down,
you can hear it.

64
00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:01,138
People are like,
"Nah, this is easier."

65
00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:02,973
I call myself "business man."

66
00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:05,309
If I wanna make money,

67
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:06,990
I'd better make sure
I have a good product.

68
00:03:07,014 --> 00:03:10,856
But if the person's who
performare bitter about it,

69
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:13,109
the audience will know.

70
00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:15,569
Man: Wendy Liebman's over.

71
00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:17,571
Or Bobcat.

72
00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:20,700
Louise Lee: If I book YZY
the first week of March

73
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:24,120
is he or she is not gonna
burn another press

74
00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:26,163
for the following couple weeks.

75
00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:28,124
Or the couple weeks before that.

76
00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:31,335
Both of them are far enough,
you know, two weeks after Jake.

77
00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,712
And Jake's been here
every year for awhile.

78
00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:37,007
- Mm-hmm.
- So...

79
00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:41,929
I think that we'll go Liebman
first and then Bobcat second.

80
00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,639
Yeah, I think it's good.

81
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,057
Great.

82
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,685
He actually loves comedy.

83
00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:50,855
Imagine that, somebody in comedy
that actually loves comics.

84
00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:54,024
Tom: Do you think is an Acme
brand of comedy at this point?

85
00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:56,026
No, I don't think so.

86
00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:59,155
That's a brand of the
comiccreate himself.

87
00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:00,948
Just remember one thing.

88
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:04,076
Comedy is not a factory.

89
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:07,830
Comedy is all about
the indidual, who they are,

90
00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:10,624
how they discovered themselves,
have the voice,

91
00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,209
and communicate with the mass.

92
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:17,256
And, Acme is, hopefully,

93
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:20,926
I want it to be
a good inspiration

94
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:23,512
for all this artists.

95
00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:25,514
He's a fucking Chinese guy.

96
00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:27,516
It doesn't make any sense.

97
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:31,729
Josh: So not long ago, said
"FuckingChinese guy" tells me

98
00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:34,940
he's planning something I mightbe
interested in as a filmmaker.

99
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:38,194
He was putting together
the first ever Acme comedy tour,

100
00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:40,446
which frankly, didn't seem
that interesting to me

101
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:43,532
until he told me
where he'd be taking that tour.

102
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,413
Tom: So what were your
thoughts when Louis said,

103
00:04:45,437 --> 00:04:47,328
"Hey Chad,
I want go take you to Asia"?

104
00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:49,497
Immediately I thought, I'm in.

105
00:04:49,498 --> 00:04:54,376
I got the call from my agent
and he goes,

106
00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:58,547
"Hey, Louis is doing
this tour to Asia,"

107
00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:01,634
um, you're not his first choice,

108
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:04,261
but the other guy backed out.

109
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:05,582
"Do you wanna do it?" I was like,

110
00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:07,344
"First of all,
I didn't need to know that,"

111
00:05:07,345 --> 00:05:09,099
like, you coulda
just given me the offer.

112
00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:12,019
Didn't need to know
that somebody turned it down...

113
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,230
I don't know why you
just mentioned that...

114
00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:17,775
"But, yes, I would love to
go as a second choice."

115
00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:20,653
I remember I was in a hotel
roomin De Moines, lowa,

116
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,613
and I think I ran around
the hotel room like,

117
00:05:22,614 --> 00:05:24,824
"Oh my God! I'm going to China.
This is crazy."

118
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,575
Like, this is crazy.
I'm going to...

119
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:28,118
Like, the Lee's
are going to China.

120
00:05:28,119 --> 00:05:32,624
First time going on the roadwith
comics for a week.

121
00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:30,180
Josh: This is Hong Kong.

122
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:32,016
Officially, it's part of China,

123
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:35,019
but you won't find a more
capitalist place on the planet.

124
00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:37,938
It's one of the world's
mostdensily populated cities.

125
00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:39,940
There's over seven millionpeople
here,

126
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:41,941
almost all of them
seeminglyworking their asses off

127
00:06:41,965 --> 00:06:44,528
all the time.

128
00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:46,947
As a global hub
for both trade and finance,

129
00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:49,158
people come here to work
from all over the world.

130
00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:52,161
Bankers, brokers,
manufactures, English teachers,

131
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:54,830
and recently,
the occasional comedian.

132
00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:57,833
Tommy.

133
00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:02,463
Where did you learn that from?

134
00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:05,466
I wanted to have something
to say to you.

135
00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:07,147
- How are you, man?
- That was pretty good.

136
00:07:07,171 --> 00:07:08,344
- Was that right?
- Yeah.

137
00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:09,637
The decision to come here

138
00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:11,639
really had nothing to do
with performing.

139
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:14,642
I just wanted to see
Hong Kong and Singapore.

140
00:07:14,643 --> 00:07:18,646
- So, I call AT&T...
- Yeah.

141
00:07:18,647 --> 00:07:21,482
Before I get...
Before I leave and I go,

142
00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:24,860
"Hey, I'm going to Hong Kong
and then to Singapore."

143
00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:27,863
I want to have some plan
just in case I use my phone,

144
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:29,865
do I need separate plans

145
00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:32,451
"for Hong Kong
and for Singapore?"

146
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,495
And the AT&T lady goes,

147
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:37,498
"No, they're both in Japan,
so you're fine."

148
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:40,501
Oh my God.

149
00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:42,878
- Oh.
- And I was like,

150
00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:44,713
"What do you mean?"

151
00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:46,794
And she goes, "Oh, I'm not
really good at geography."

152
00:07:46,818 --> 00:07:49,343
Is that wrong?"
And I was like, "Yeah.

153
00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:52,847
Not both...
Their not both in Japan."

154
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:56,892
Hello.

155
00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:59,895
- Mr. Daniels, how're you doing?
- How are you? Good.

156
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:02,314
I figured, like, he's...
You know, grew up here,

157
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:06,193
if he asked me to do it,
he must've had a reason.

158
00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:08,779
So if I was gonna be the jackass

159
00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,989
that doesn't get a laugh
the whole week,

160
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:13,409
then that's it.

161
00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:14,785
Do we know anything about Pete?

162
00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:16,412
Is he okay? Is he here?

163
00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:18,288
Well, he's find out
if he checked in right now.

164
00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:20,290
Hello? 'Herro.'

165
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,292
- 'Herro, ' I can't hear...
- He's doing himself.

166
00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:25,129
Can you guys pack up and leave?

167
00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:28,757
We don't like Caucasian
have a Chinese name here.

168
00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:31,802
We'll talk about who's gonna
go first, second, third.

169
00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:34,722
Each show I would say draw,

170
00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,515
unless you guys
want to fight it over.

171
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:39,935
- I don't care either.
- I definitely don't care so.

172
00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:43,605
We might have to send wonder
boyto the back of the line

173
00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:46,108
so he can clean up our mess.

174
00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:47,776
He's so likeable.

175
00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:52,823
Plus, he walks on stage like,
"Finally. One of us."

176
00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:54,074
And then he gets up there like,

177
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:55,659
- "God damnit."
- Disappointment, yeah.

178
00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:59,496
- Oh, look who it is.
- Ha, ha, ha.

179
00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:01,081
What time did you guys get in?

180
00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:03,000
Chad:
We got in at 'sick' o'clock.

181
00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:05,002
Six... 'sick' o'clock.

182
00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:07,629
So I went to the doctor
in New York

183
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,923
because I was concerned
about sleeping on this trip.

184
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:11,925
I already have sleep apnea.

185
00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:13,761
I travel with the machine.

186
00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:15,721
Sleep is the worst for me.

187
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:18,140
So I got a prescription
for Ambien,

188
00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:22,227
uh, and my doctor said... I go,

189
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:25,355
"Should I do a test of this,
you know, before we leave?"

190
00:09:25,356 --> 00:09:26,982
And she goes,
"No, you should stay up"

191
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:28,609
and then just it on the plane

192
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:30,819
at around the time
you would sleep in Hong Kong

193
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:32,237
"so you're on
the right schedule."

194
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:33,638
I go, "Should I take
a half of one?"

195
00:09:33,662 --> 00:09:35,199
And she's like,
"Take a whole one."

196
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,440
She's like, "I... because I tooka
whole one on a flight",

197
00:09:37,464 --> 00:09:39,078
and it did nothing to me."

198
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:41,580
So, um, I took a whole one.

199
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:45,209
And I... I freaked the fuck out.

200
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:46,627
Like, I thought she was a wolf.

201
00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:49,088
I thought the stewardess
was a wolf-faced woman.

202
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:51,381
The walls were talking to me.

203
00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:53,383
Like, I... I took a whole pill.
I should've taken

204
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,304
- like a quarter.
- Wait. Did you get restrained?

205
00:09:55,305 --> 00:09:57,305
- No, no, no, because she was there.
Jamie: Almost.

206
00:09:57,329 --> 00:09:58,430
I had just fallen asleep,

207
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:01,016
and then I wake up,
and he's staring at me.

208
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:03,435
And I was like, what's going on?
And then like...

209
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,229
You were scared
of a sleeping wolf?

210
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:07,606
All you have to do is pet her

211
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,399
instead of getting
all weird about it.

212
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,200
- By the way, I'm gonna hug you.
- Yes, let's.

213
00:10:11,224 --> 00:10:13,612
Chad: Pete and I have
been friends for so long,

214
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:17,991
and to get to work with him
a week in Asia touring around,

215
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:19,827
I feel like a fucking rock star.

216
00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:21,203
- Hey, we're hugging, too.
- All right, let's do it.

217
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:22,579
All right, listen. Sorry, sorry.

218
00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,456
Tom: I met Pete at the hotel.

219
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,250
Uh, I'd never met
either guy before.

220
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:30,045
I was super suspect of Petebecause
he was nice, and, like,

221
00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:32,256
I was like, I'm al... whenever
I meet, like, a... like,

222
00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:33,817
"Hey, how's it going?"
person, I'm like,

223
00:10:33,841 --> 00:10:36,301
"All right, like,
what's up with you?"

224
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:39,304
So are you guys feelingjetlagged, or
are you feeling insane right now?

225
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:40,931
OoSod? A g

226
00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:44,172
re you guys So are you guys feelingjetlagged,
or are you feeling insane right now?

227
00:10:44,196 --> 00:10:45,686
I'm not beyond normal tired.

228
00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:48,105
Nobody looks like wolves
if that's what you meant.

229
00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:49,523
Pete: I need food.

230
00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:55,654
I'm gonna climb
and have a fight...

231
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,699
I mean, I feel like I
can climb up here.

232
00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:01,785
Pete:
Oh my God, are you kidding me?

233
00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:03,620
Oh, ha, ha, ha.

234
00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:06,832
Segura!

235
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:10,961
Nothing about this looks like it's
gonna collapse, like, right now.

236
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:12,546
Can we climb up there
and get pictures?

237
00:11:12,547 --> 00:11:14,173
You wanna get pictures
on that dragon?

238
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,425
- You wanna go up there?
- Well, I mean, like,

239
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:18,385
- tourist pictures. I'm being serious.
- Sure.

240
00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:20,106
But right after the picture
with the dragon,

241
00:11:20,130 --> 00:11:21,555
we're gonna find food, right?

242
00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:23,390
Do you think we'll go to jailfor
doing this?

243
00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:27,144
Uh, I have no idea.

244
00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,625
- I don't want to go up there.
- I do.

245
00:11:28,649 --> 00:11:30,480
I just want to stand right here.

246
00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:32,721
I wanna go up here, and you
take a picture on the dragon.

247
00:11:32,722 --> 00:11:35,122
- I want to ride the dragon.
- You want to get on the dragon?

248
00:11:35,146 --> 00:11:36,987
- Kinda.
- I'll take a picture of you.

249
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:39,508
Well, do you guys just want to
stand up here and take a picture?

250
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,950
Yeah. That's what I want.

251
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:45,370
Like we like each other? Okay.

252
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:49,249
I feel like food is everywhere,

253
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:51,960
and we should be able
to find it.

254
00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:07,392
Louis: I grow up in Hong Kong.

255
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:13,190
My father worked for my
grandfather and have eight kids.

256
00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:16,318
And my grandparents, my father,

257
00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:18,946
uh, generation and all the kids

258
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:21,615
all live in a
four-bedroom apartment.

259
00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:23,416
Standup comedy.

260
00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:25,484
Yeah, standup comedy.

261
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:31,500
Louis: My parents, they
weren't rich at all,

262
00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:34,127
and all they can do
is save up enough money

263
00:12:34,128 --> 00:12:38,840
to send a couple kids overseasto
get a college education.

264
00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:42,427
And when it come to me,
I'm fifth of the family.

265
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:45,430
They were thinking, okay,

266
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:49,101
I don't think we should invest in
Louis, which I don't blame 'em.

267
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:53,313
You know, to them I wasn't
that good in school,

268
00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:55,148
and I start dating too early.

269
00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:58,110
I wasn't like my brothers
who are engineer,

270
00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:02,572
uh, dental school,
and all that stuff.

271
00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:08,328
And I'm gonna be in the lower
middle income the rest of my life.

272
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:09,705
That's what I believe in.

273
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:13,667
So in 1976, my mother... sister,

274
00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:17,212
who live in Chicago
who married an American,

275
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:19,631
uh, decided,

276
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:24,303
hey, why don't you immigrateover
the United States?

277
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:30,225
And that's when
my parents qualified

278
00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:32,477
to move over to US,
and then, uh,

279
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:35,897
all the kids who was
under 21 moved to US.

280
00:13:35,898 --> 00:13:37,899
And kind of saved my life...

281
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:40,110
And saved my education process

282
00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:43,238
from Hong Kong dead end

283
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:45,199
to United States.

284
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:48,493
Jami Gong:
Nice to meet you guys.

285
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,294
Welcome to Hong Kong,
and welcome to our club.

286
00:13:50,295 --> 00:13:52,135
- Thank you.
- So we're gonna have so much fun.

287
00:13:52,159 --> 00:13:53,839
Should we do the meeting?
Where's Louis?

288
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:58,920
A few years ago when I came
herefor vacation with my family,

289
00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:03,508
I decided meet up with Jami,
and then went to visit his club.

290
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:05,552
And we have a good talk.

291
00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:07,596
Him being Chinese,
me being Chinese,

292
00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:09,681
we're probably the only Chinese
comedy club owners in the world.

293
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:12,434
- You said you went to Syracuse, right?
- I went to Syracuse.

294
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,478
- But where did you grow up?
- New York City.

295
00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:16,146
Uh, just raised in Chinatown,

296
00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:19,149
running around
with my other five siblings.

297
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,401
There's six of us,
so I'm number three.

298
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:24,071
And growing up in New York
City, I always loved to laugh

299
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:27,157
and everything, uh, just growing
up with the "Tonight Show."

300
00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:28,700
Okay, so a couple things.

301
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,461
Just this week, um,
like I mentioned earlier,

302
00:14:30,485 --> 00:14:33,080
it's gonna be a fun, fun week.
I mean, jetlag's a bitch.

303
00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:35,999
We know. So, um, tomorrow
you're in Singapore.

304
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,793
So you guys have your itinerary.

305
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:40,003
Umar... you're... you guys
are landing different times.

306
00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:44,091
So Umar, who's running Comedy
Masala, will meet you.

307
00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:45,892
If not, we'll send someone
to meet at airport.

308
00:14:45,916 --> 00:14:48,970
When I did South Africa
and when I did Australia,

309
00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:50,847
we would land, and they're like,

310
00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,599
"Your first show
is in four days."

311
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,684
Like, these first few days

312
00:14:54,685 --> 00:14:56,812
"are just for you
to get used to being here."

313
00:14:56,813 --> 00:14:58,939
Not this fucking
Louis Lee trip, uh, uh.

314
00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:00,398
It was land and they're like,

315
00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:02,901
"So tomorrow's show,"
and you're like, "Excuse me?"

316
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:05,904
And then it was like, "the next day,
we're gonna get on another plane."

317
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:09,199
And you're gonna fly
three-and-a-half-hours to another country.

318
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,284
Singapore.

319
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:12,911
Behave. You know.

320
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,704
It's got its reputation. No gum.

321
00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:17,457
Singapore, you don't want to
mess around in Singapore so.

322
00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:19,618
- No, they don't play around.
- They don't play around.

323
00:15:19,642 --> 00:15:22,129
Then early morning, you guys
coming back here Thursday.

324
00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:24,714
Then I'll be at
Champs Thursday by 6:00.

325
00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:28,510
Then big crowd Thursday,
Friday, and Saturday then Macau.

326
00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:29,928
They have no idea about Macau,

327
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:32,722
so we're gonna have fun
in Macau.

328
00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:34,563
To be clear, these shows
are in English, right?

329
00:15:34,587 --> 00:15:35,433
- Yes.
- All of 'em?

330
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:36,852
- Yes. Yes. Yes.
- Okay, cool.

331
00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:37,894
But if you...
Will you speak another language?

332
00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:39,521
I'm pretty good at Cantonese,

333
00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:41,148
but I'm just wanting
to make sure.

334
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:44,734
The show stuff I had like
so much anxiety about

335
00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:46,945
when we were
starting the week off.

336
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,072
I just didn't know
what the shows would be like.

337
00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:50,673
Like, I didn't know
if it was going to be

338
00:15:50,697 --> 00:15:53,368
these huge cultural differences,
huge language difference.

339
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:55,787
I was so happy to find out
that I was going to China

340
00:15:55,788 --> 00:16:00,000
that I didn't even consider the fact
that I mightnot be funny over here.

341
00:16:00,001 --> 00:16:02,241
I tell this to every comic
first time I'm meeting them...

342
00:16:02,265 --> 00:16:04,171
This is my first time
meeting them...

343
00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:06,131
And again, I'm freaking
excited to meet you guys.

344
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:08,812
You won't believe how much fun we're
gonna havethis week, all right?

345
00:16:08,836 --> 00:16:10,260
And Everyone so.

346
00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:12,101
No offense, you're gonna
have fun in Hong Kong.

347
00:16:12,102 --> 00:16:13,462
You're gonna
have fun in Singapore,

348
00:16:13,486 --> 00:16:15,599
- but I need you guys to kill.
- Yeah.

349
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,851
That's all I need you to do.
That's all I need you to do.

350
00:16:17,852 --> 00:16:21,479
I don't know you. Louis Lee brings
you over. I know Louis Lee, right?

351
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:22,814
Take no offense.

352
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,316
I just need you to kill,

353
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,984
'cause I'll be honest with you.

354
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,360
This is not
an ordinary road trip

355
00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:31,072
where you can go
to South Dakota, North Carolina

356
00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:33,074
and Florida on a little
tour in the States.

357
00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:34,701
This is not
an ordinary road trip.

358
00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:38,538
This is... the people you
meet, they are well-off.

359
00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:39,956
They have connections here.

360
00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:41,237
You're gonna meet
so many people.

361
00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:42,876
So if you've got business cards,

362
00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:46,046
you gon... at the end,
give it to people.

363
00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:48,465
A big thing in Hong Kong
and in Asia,

364
00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:50,717
if you don't know,
is all relationships.

365
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:52,093
And you have a business card,

366
00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:54,346
if Louis didn't tell
you guys this...

367
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,765
- Louis didn't tell us shit.
- Louis: I didn't.

368
00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:59,935
If you are gonna give... if you are
gonna give out a business card.

369
00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:03,563
Chad, to anybody here, especially
around the world,

370
00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:05,982
- two hands.
- Oh, okay.

371
00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:07,150
I'll give you a little tip.

372
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:08,631
Do you have a... here.
Here's my card.

373
00:17:08,655 --> 00:17:10,320
You need to do this.

374
00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:12,481
Okay, let me put this down.
Let me put this stuff down.

375
00:17:12,505 --> 00:17:13,907
Let's say I first met you,

376
00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:15,283
right, I'm giving you my card.

377
00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:17,118
So.

378
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,120
You notice.
I made sure my card faces you.

379
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,830
- Right.
- Right. So you can read it.

380
00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:23,250
So if was your card,
okay, reverse it.

381
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:25,091
- Give it to me.
- You also put your head down.

382
00:17:25,115 --> 00:17:26,169
- Yes.
- You also did this.

383
00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:28,588
So I do this... oh...
You flip it around.

384
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:30,298
Oh, nice map.

385
00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:32,580
You say something to acknowledgethat
you noticed the card.

386
00:17:32,604 --> 00:17:34,928
You don't put it
in your back pocket

387
00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:36,049
'cause it's considered rude.

388
00:17:36,073 --> 00:17:37,639
I like the colors that you used.

389
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:38,890
Very good, very good.

390
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:40,517
You don't put it
in you back pocket

391
00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:42,438
'cause it's considered rude.
You sit down, right.

392
00:17:42,439 --> 00:17:44,079
Or you can put it in
your shirt, whatever.

393
00:17:44,103 --> 00:17:46,856
This small business etiquette,
you should do it everywhere,

394
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:49,234
even New York City,
around the world,

395
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:51,444
because Mainland China,
everyone's doing business

396
00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:53,245
- with Mainland Chinese...
- Say something! D.

397
00:17:53,269 --> 00:17:56,032
Jami Gong from Hong Kong.
Front pocket.

398
00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:58,660
This small business etiquettewill
close deals for you.

399
00:17:58,661 --> 00:18:01,288
So what happened... just out of
curiosity, like give me the card.

400
00:18:01,289 --> 00:18:03,290
If you were...
If somebody's like this,

401
00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:04,708
like, it would just
be seen as rude?

402
00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:06,543
- Yes.
- It's like you're being rude.

403
00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:08,628
It's a culture thing.
It's rude, and people know...

404
00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:10,422
Like, this guy
doesn't have a clue.

405
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:11,299
Exactly.

406
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:14,134
Chad, here is a direct condom

407
00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:15,969
for when you're over
in Singapore.

408
00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:19,389
Oh, it's expired.

409
00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:21,224
Is that what... is that good?

410
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:23,311
It's comedy time.
Make some noise.

411
00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:27,272
Welcome, everyone.
Welcome to TakeOut Comedy Club.

412
00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:29,033
It is the first
fulltime comedy club in Asia,

413
00:18:29,034 --> 00:18:31,315
and according to a new panel,
the number one entertainment

414
00:18:31,339 --> 00:18:33,111
in all of Hong Kong
thanks to you guys.

415
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,946
Yes. It's a special,
special night.

416
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,866
So, yes, make some
noise, young man.

417
00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:42,454
My first stab at standup
comedywas, uh, 1989 on a dare

418
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:45,665
at Syracuse University
on a standup comedy competition.

419
00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:48,626
I made a fool of myself,
uh, but fell in love.

420
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:50,962
Uh, went back to New York
City, hit the open-mics,

421
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:55,216
then, uh, one night in 1992,
packed room, doing a show,

422
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:58,636
I took it for granted,
uh, a bit arrogant.

423
00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:00,347
Blanked on stage.

424
00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:02,557
Nothing came out
of my mouth, right.

425
00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:05,143
Could not do it again
until 1999.

426
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,937
My wife is British, uh, so polite
the first time we went on a date.

427
00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:10,440
She got money from the ATM
machine, and she said,

428
00:19:10,441 --> 00:19:13,234
"Thank you."

429
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:14,986
She's actually white,
and I'm Chinese.

430
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:16,867
It's rare to see a Chinese
guywith a white girl.

431
00:19:16,891 --> 00:19:18,239
We change each other's status.

432
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:21,993
She's raised mine.
I've lowered hers.

433
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:24,663
I decided to open up the
firstfulltime comedy club in Asia

434
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:25,831
before we had comedians.

435
00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:30,543
Before ever opened
February of '07.

436
00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:32,624
Plus she works for Mandarin
Oriental, which is great.

437
00:19:32,625 --> 00:19:34,785
Whenever we travel, she gets
us a upgrade to nice rooms

438
00:19:34,809 --> 00:19:35,757
and everything.

439
00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:37,998
I feel bad. I want to help us
out through my connections.

440
00:19:38,022 --> 00:19:39,928
So last month we flew
the Hainan Island,

441
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:44,474
and through my connections
I got us upgraded to economy.

442
00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:46,976
Tom: Who are your comedy idols?

443
00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:48,812
Johnny Carson, Bob Hope.

444
00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:51,731
What a great crowd. Are you
guys ready to laugh some more?

445
00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:53,691
We got so many funny,
funny comedians.

446
00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:55,372
I think you guys can do itbetter
than that.

447
00:19:55,396 --> 00:19:57,112
You guys ready
to laugh some more?

448
00:19:57,113 --> 00:20:00,990
In the beginning we had people
up there doing 20 minutes

449
00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:04,411
when they barely had
three minutes of material.

450
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:07,080
We had to do that,
and people walked...

451
00:20:07,081 --> 00:20:09,332
I know that people said,

452
00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:10,959
"That was a terrible show,"

453
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,920
but we had to do that
to give them the stage time.

454
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:17,424
Seven and a half years later,
we... I could have about

455
00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:20,760
20 people in my rotation nowthat
can kill

456
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,220
for eight to ten minutes.

457
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,389
I guarantee that like
most of you were like me

458
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:25,807
when you came
to Hong Kong, right.

459
00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:27,642
You came to Hong Kong
you're like,

460
00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:30,979
I am gonna kick this language
in the ass, right?

461
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:34,941
And then you went to your first
lesson, and it was over.

462
00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:37,444
Yeah. No, the same
thing happened to me.

463
00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:38,862
I went to my first
Cantonese lesson.

464
00:20:38,863 --> 00:20:40,280
The teacher's like,

465
00:20:40,281 --> 00:20:43,533
"Cantonese has nine tones,"
and I was like,

466
00:20:43,534 --> 00:20:45,577
"Fuuuuck."

467
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,579
And she was like,
"No, no, no, no."

468
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:51,124
Faa-uck.

469
00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:54,961
"It means prosperity."

470
00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:57,589
I'm actually from Hong Kong,
and I'm half Chinese.

471
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,591
My mom's, uh... my mom's Chinese.

472
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:02,051
And I've got my parents
staying with me at the moment,

473
00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:05,346
and as I'm walking out of my house
tonight, my mom kinda stops me

474
00:21:05,347 --> 00:21:09,851
and she said,
"Benjamin, are you standing up?"

475
00:21:09,852 --> 00:21:11,686
Yeah.

476
00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:13,354
"Are you going
to make the jokes?"

477
00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:15,440
I was like,
"Oh, am I doing standup?"

478
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:18,860
"That's what I just say.
You don't listen."

479
00:21:18,861 --> 00:21:21,362
"Yes, mom,
I'm doing standup comedy."

480
00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:23,615
"Tsk. You are so funny, Ben,

481
00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:27,535
because you know how
to take a piss on yourself."

482
00:21:27,536 --> 00:21:30,663
"Mom, I know how to take a
pissout of myself."

483
00:21:30,664 --> 00:21:35,251
"Benjamin, don't be
a smart anal."

484
00:21:35,252 --> 00:21:36,878
Any black people
in the audience?

485
00:21:36,879 --> 00:21:39,756
Make some noise. Exactly.

486
00:21:39,757 --> 00:21:40,924
This is Hong Kong, man.

487
00:21:40,925 --> 00:21:44,969
Only one of us is allowed
out at a time.

488
00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:47,972
Any Indian people
in the audience make some noise.

489
00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:50,183
All right,
I miss black people so much.

490
00:21:50,184 --> 00:21:52,393
You guys are close enough.

491
00:21:52,394 --> 00:21:53,895
Jami:
Comics have different goals.

492
00:21:53,896 --> 00:21:56,439
Some of our comedians
want to be a pro.

493
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:58,816
Some do it as a hobby.
Some just love it.

494
00:21:58,817 --> 00:22:01,694
They have already a good paying job
they knowthey're not gonna leave,

495
00:22:01,695 --> 00:22:04,030
but they just love
to get this out of their system

496
00:22:04,031 --> 00:22:05,782
that the arts, right.

497
00:22:05,783 --> 00:22:08,660
I grew up in a very tough,
Irish Catholic neighborhood.

498
00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:11,246
Where I grew up,
the kids molested the priests.

499
00:22:11,247 --> 00:22:15,250
Tough place.

500
00:22:15,251 --> 00:22:19,171
So I started dating a white girl
because I wanted a change of pace.

501
00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:26,719
And we were sexting
'cause that's how I role,

502
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,389
and I said to her, "Baby, what's
your favoritesexual position?"

503
00:22:29,390 --> 00:22:31,057
And she said, "Sam",

504
00:22:31,058 --> 00:22:34,185
I really love it
when I'm bent down like this,

505
00:22:34,186 --> 00:22:36,813
"and you're in London."

506
00:22:36,814 --> 00:22:38,523
We have less Chinese comedians.

507
00:22:38,524 --> 00:22:40,692
Why? Couple reasons.

508
00:22:40,693 --> 00:22:43,069
The Chinese people,
"Oh, I could do that."

509
00:22:43,070 --> 00:22:46,114
They go up there and do it,
and then they fail.

510
00:22:46,115 --> 00:22:48,950
They lose face.
They don't want to do it again.

511
00:22:48,951 --> 00:22:51,271
Remember. They're taught not to fail.
It's a culture thing.

512
00:22:51,295 --> 00:22:53,162
The Chinese, they're taught
not to fail, right.

513
00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:55,164
I gotta succeed.
I gotta succeed, all right.

514
00:22:55,165 --> 00:22:58,835
So the moment, we know standup
comedy takesyears to perfect.

515
00:22:58,836 --> 00:23:03,339
You will fail, but you will
fail to succeed, right?

516
00:23:03,340 --> 00:23:06,676
They fail and don't
believe in the payoff.

517
00:23:06,677 --> 00:23:08,997
Let me tell you a little bit about myself.
I am actually...

518
00:23:08,998 --> 00:23:10,478
Not trying to dress up
for you guys...

519
00:23:10,502 --> 00:23:12,974
Black is the only color I know.
I'm colorblind.

520
00:23:12,975 --> 00:23:16,185
I have, uh... now, I've known I
was colorblindsince I was 12,

521
00:23:16,186 --> 00:23:19,815
but up until 12 I thought
I was a genius at Rubik's Cube.

522
00:23:21,817 --> 00:23:24,360
My hope in the beginning
was to find the next Hong Kong.

523
00:23:24,361 --> 00:23:26,613
Jerry Seinfeld, the next
Hong Kong Billy Connolly,

524
00:23:26,614 --> 00:23:27,905
the next Hong Kong Chris Rock.

525
00:23:27,906 --> 00:23:29,450
We are.

526
00:23:32,620 --> 00:23:35,496
Because if you can speakCantonese
and you're Chinese,

527
00:23:35,497 --> 00:23:38,750
it's like a superpower, right?

528
00:23:38,751 --> 00:23:41,085
You leave your house,
and you're eavesdropping man.

529
00:23:41,086 --> 00:23:43,338
Probably our biggest discoveryis,
uh, Vivek Mahbubani.

530
00:23:43,339 --> 00:23:44,964
He's performing tonight.

531
00:23:44,965 --> 00:23:46,174
He's an Indian local
comedianthat speaks perfect.

532
00:23:46,175 --> 00:23:47,550
Cantonese and English.

533
00:23:47,551 --> 00:23:49,636
He's been in movies
now, commercials,

534
00:23:49,637 --> 00:23:51,763
a ring announcer
for mixed martial arts now.

535
00:23:51,764 --> 00:23:55,266
So he has made almost
a career out of this.

536
00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:57,393
I go take the MTR train,

537
00:23:57,394 --> 00:23:59,954
and I'll purposefully just sit in
the middle of three empty seats

538
00:23:59,978 --> 00:24:01,648
and just sit there
and just wait, right.

539
00:24:01,649 --> 00:24:04,275
And two friends
will come sit next to me,

540
00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:07,278
and they'll talk over me
like I don't exist, right.

541
00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:09,072
I'll be sitting there.
They'll be like,

542
00:24:14,246 --> 00:24:16,366
Right, the whole time,
I'm sitting there going like...

543
00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:19,874
And what I'll do is, right,

544
00:24:19,875 --> 00:24:21,793
I'll wait for let's say
two stations.

545
00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:23,795
And I'll just
whip out my phone and go,

546
00:24:28,676 --> 00:24:31,302
Right, guarantee like,

547
00:24:31,303 --> 00:24:34,681
I'm trying to discover
new talent and at the same time

548
00:24:34,682 --> 00:24:38,601
bring over pros like
Chad, Pete, uh, Tom.

549
00:24:38,602 --> 00:24:41,396
- Where are you from?
- Man: Puerto Rico.

550
00:24:41,397 --> 00:24:43,189
Puerto R... are you serious?

551
00:24:43,190 --> 00:24:44,942
You guys come here?

552
00:24:47,194 --> 00:24:48,696
Huh.

553
00:24:50,781 --> 00:24:53,324
Are you visiting,
or you live here?

554
00:24:53,325 --> 00:24:57,328
Shut up. Are you the
only one, or are there?

555
00:24:57,329 --> 00:24:59,414
- Man: There's two.
- There's two of you.

556
00:24:59,415 --> 00:25:01,624
You and Juan Jose?

557
00:25:01,625 --> 00:25:04,752
Or what's his name?

558
00:25:04,753 --> 00:25:06,212
Hm?

559
00:25:06,213 --> 00:25:07,922
Fred.

560
00:25:07,923 --> 00:25:09,465
Hablas... hablas espanol?

561
00:25:41,498 --> 00:25:44,459
No, you guys have been doing
this shit all fucking day

562
00:25:44,460 --> 00:25:46,878
in other languages so.

563
00:25:52,259 --> 00:25:53,676
Yeah, this is what
it feels like.

564
00:25:53,677 --> 00:25:56,679
It fucking sucks, doesn't it?

565
00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:59,682
Going into it I thought,
well, I perform in New York,

566
00:25:59,683 --> 00:26:03,144
and I pretty much perform
for a lot of expatriates

567
00:26:03,145 --> 00:26:05,146
that are English speaking
all around, you know,

568
00:26:05,147 --> 00:26:07,356
from all around the world
in clubs every night.

569
00:26:07,357 --> 00:26:09,650
So I thought that maybe I had
a little bit of a leg up

570
00:26:09,651 --> 00:26:12,612
'cause I'd adjusted my act
to that already.

571
00:26:12,613 --> 00:26:15,823
But I just...
I... I still didn't...

572
00:26:15,824 --> 00:26:17,825
I still didn't know.

573
00:26:17,826 --> 00:26:20,244
I, um, I'm from America,
but you can't tell

574
00:26:20,245 --> 00:26:23,956
'cause I'm thin.

575
00:26:23,957 --> 00:26:25,082
You know, like, you're like,

576
00:26:25,083 --> 00:26:26,834
"No, you're not. Really?"

577
00:26:26,835 --> 00:26:28,836
Like, you live and eat there?

578
00:26:28,837 --> 00:26:30,630
"Right, no you don't."

579
00:26:30,631 --> 00:26:32,507
When I got my first laugh,
which was like...

580
00:26:32,508 --> 00:26:35,176
I think it was one of my
firstlines, I was like,

581
00:26:35,177 --> 00:26:38,387
"Oh, this trip
is gonna be great."

582
00:26:38,388 --> 00:26:42,517
I, uh, went golfing
three weeks ago

583
00:26:42,518 --> 00:26:45,019
and finally beat my girlfriend.

584
00:26:45,020 --> 00:26:47,146
Those are two separate things.

585
00:26:52,662 --> 00:26:54,862
When I got home, she was like,
"Were you golfing again?"

586
00:26:54,863 --> 00:26:57,615
And I lost my mind.

587
00:26:57,616 --> 00:27:01,410
I said, "I'm dressed like an asshole.
What do you think?"

588
00:27:01,411 --> 00:27:04,163
Pete: Louis, smile.

589
00:27:04,164 --> 00:27:07,792
Where's Louis?
Ready, one, two...

590
00:27:09,628 --> 00:27:11,128
Tom: The next morning we took

591
00:27:11,129 --> 00:27:12,547
the three-and-a-half hour flight

592
00:27:12,548 --> 00:27:13,881
to the authoritarian paradise

593
00:27:13,882 --> 00:27:15,341
that is Singapore.

594
00:27:15,342 --> 00:27:17,343
This place went from a
Third World country

595
00:27:17,344 --> 00:27:19,762
to the best educated
and most expensive place

596
00:27:19,763 --> 00:27:21,931
on the planet in under 50 years.

597
00:27:21,932 --> 00:27:24,412
And, apparently, you don't pull
something like that off without

598
00:27:24,436 --> 00:27:27,728
a whole bunch of strict rulesfor
your people.

599
00:27:27,729 --> 00:27:29,969
You can tell a country means
business when they great you

600
00:27:29,993 --> 00:27:32,692
on the plane before you landwith
a death threat.

601
00:27:32,693 --> 00:27:34,110
I got scared.

602
00:27:34,111 --> 00:27:35,945
Like, I had this...

603
00:27:35,946 --> 00:27:38,239
Like this almost

604
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:39,574
illogical, nonsensical

605
00:27:39,575 --> 00:27:41,200
- panic attack...
- Uh-huh.

606
00:27:41,201 --> 00:27:44,328
About that I have weed
in my backpack,

607
00:27:44,329 --> 00:27:45,955
like, that I know I didn't have.

608
00:27:45,956 --> 00:27:47,596
But I was like,
"What if weed's in there?"

609
00:27:47,620 --> 00:27:49,625
- Now, at some point I did.
- Yeah, like...

610
00:27:51,420 --> 00:27:53,588
Tom: The show that evening
was at a nightclub

611
00:27:53,589 --> 00:27:56,469
called The Vault, a club that used to
not even be open on a Tuesday night

612
00:27:56,493 --> 00:27:58,634
until they started
hostingstandup comedy.

613
00:27:58,635 --> 00:28:02,221
It's a nice place to have
an $18 beer and enjoy a show.

614
00:28:02,222 --> 00:28:04,515
- Emcee: Hello!
- Audience: Hello!

615
00:28:04,516 --> 00:28:06,142
Ladies and gentleman,

616
00:28:06,143 --> 00:28:08,936
welcome to the Acme
ComedyCompany Asia Tour 2014

617
00:28:08,937 --> 00:28:10,313
preview show.

618
00:28:10,314 --> 00:28:13,649
Everyone, please make
somefucking noise.

619
00:28:16,069 --> 00:28:19,071
My name is Umar.
I run Comedy Masala Singapore.

620
00:28:19,072 --> 00:28:22,366
I'm 39 years old, and I've been
doing standup for about five years.

621
00:28:22,367 --> 00:28:23,743
Now with the count of three,

622
00:28:23,744 --> 00:28:25,369
only the Singaporeans
give me a cheer.

623
00:28:25,370 --> 00:28:27,371
Three, two, one.

624
00:28:27,372 --> 00:28:29,081
See? That's why
I love doing comedy

625
00:28:29,082 --> 00:28:31,042
because you fuckers
follow instructions perfectly,

626
00:28:31,066 --> 00:28:32,460
I tell ya.

627
00:28:32,461 --> 00:28:34,128
People have often told me

628
00:28:34,129 --> 00:28:37,131
that the way to really find
out what Singapore's like

629
00:28:37,132 --> 00:28:41,135
is to actually come to a comedy
show, like, namely Comedy Masala.

630
00:28:41,136 --> 00:28:43,137
- And you're Singaporean?
- Man: No, I'm not.

631
00:28:43,138 --> 00:28:44,764
- Where you from?
- Man: America.

632
00:28:44,765 --> 00:28:46,557
America doesn't matter.
All right, so...

633
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:53,272
Went to high school there,
went to college in the US.

634
00:28:53,273 --> 00:28:56,943
Went back to Pakistan,
startedworking at a bank, hated it.

635
00:28:56,944 --> 00:28:58,778
Did a lot of improv in Pakistan.

636
00:28:58,779 --> 00:29:01,030
There was no improv
in Singapore,

637
00:29:01,031 --> 00:29:04,992
and Jami Gong, the founder
ofTakeOut Comedy Hong Kong,

638
00:29:04,993 --> 00:29:09,872
he ran a standup comedy class
in Singapore in 20... 2009.

639
00:29:09,873 --> 00:29:12,792
I attended it,
never looked back since.

640
00:29:12,793 --> 00:29:15,795
Give it up for Umar, yeah.

641
00:29:15,796 --> 00:29:19,632
A very clear example of
whatPakistani women look like.

642
00:29:19,633 --> 00:29:23,844
Uh, it's cool,
and... and my name is Fuzz.

643
00:29:23,845 --> 00:29:26,806
My full name is Muhammed
Fadzri Bin AbdulRasheed, okay,

644
00:29:26,807 --> 00:29:29,100
but I do not do that.

645
00:29:29,101 --> 00:29:30,768
I don't use that name because I don't
want whitepeople to panic, okay.

646
00:29:30,769 --> 00:29:32,019
Yeah, seriously.

647
00:29:32,020 --> 00:29:34,438
I get Americans coming up to
me, and they go like,

648
00:29:34,439 --> 00:29:38,401
"Oh my God, Fuzz, you're name's
MuhammedFadzri Bin Abdul Rasheed.

649
00:29:38,402 --> 00:29:41,612
Oh my God, are you a terrorist?
Are you a terrorist?"

650
00:29:41,613 --> 00:29:44,240
I say, "No, bro. I'm Malay.
It's different."

651
00:29:44,241 --> 00:29:45,992
I'm not Arab, okay?

652
00:29:45,993 --> 00:29:48,744
There's difference
betweenMalay's and Arabs.

653
00:29:48,745 --> 00:29:50,621
During Ramadan, the Arabs,
they fast.

654
00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:53,416
The Malays, we slow. Okay, uh...

655
00:29:53,417 --> 00:29:56,460
It definitely felt like
a newer scene.

656
00:29:56,461 --> 00:30:00,089
It was a less developed
standup scene,

657
00:30:00,090 --> 00:30:02,925
and like I felt like we were...

658
00:30:02,926 --> 00:30:04,552
We were...
At least that first night

659
00:30:04,553 --> 00:30:06,929
we were jumping on an open
mic, you know.

660
00:30:06,930 --> 00:30:10,558
But the open mic'ers
were slaughtering.

661
00:30:10,559 --> 00:30:13,644
So I was like... you ha...
And you have to be like...

662
00:30:13,645 --> 00:30:15,725
You have to acknowledge that
and kind of respect that

663
00:30:15,749 --> 00:30:19,650
that like, well, this audience,
this is whatthey're used to seeing.

664
00:30:19,651 --> 00:30:21,411
A lot of things
are fresh to the audience now

665
00:30:21,412 --> 00:30:23,572
because, ah, man, we're
hearingthis for the first time.

666
00:30:23,596 --> 00:30:25,656
It's almost like
back in the days of like,

667
00:30:25,657 --> 00:30:27,575
you know... I don't know.

668
00:30:27,576 --> 00:30:29,994
It's like Pryor and Foxx and all
that, you know, they go like,

669
00:30:29,995 --> 00:30:32,413
"Oh, white people be like this,
or black people be like that."

670
00:30:32,414 --> 00:30:34,582
You know, it's almost like
it's at that stage over here

671
00:30:34,583 --> 00:30:37,418
where you can talk about things like
that, and it's fresh to them, man.

672
00:30:37,419 --> 00:30:40,463
Now nothing makes you feel
more proud of being Singaporean

673
00:30:40,464 --> 00:30:42,089
than a fucking trip
to Malaysia, okay.

674
00:30:42,090 --> 00:30:44,010
I was in Malaysia,
and people told me, they said,

675
00:30:44,034 --> 00:30:46,844
"Fuzz, don't walk down
the streets of KL

676
00:30:46,845 --> 00:30:48,846
and night, bro, it's dangerous."

677
00:30:48,847 --> 00:30:51,682
I said, "Bro, bro, bro,
I'm Malay, okay?"

678
00:30:51,683 --> 00:30:53,517
If I get robbed,
he's probably my cousin.

679
00:30:53,518 --> 00:30:55,519
"Okay, I can get my money back.
No problem."

680
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,480
I got robbed
at knife point, okay,

681
00:30:57,481 --> 00:30:59,356
and that wasn't even
the weird part.

682
00:30:59,357 --> 00:31:01,797
It's after the guy robbed me he
said, "You better be careful."

683
00:31:01,821 --> 00:31:05,196
It's quite dangerous over here."
I'm like, "What are you ta... ".

684
00:31:05,197 --> 00:31:07,823
One of the hardest parts
about comedy on stage here

685
00:31:07,824 --> 00:31:09,909
is that... is the flash.

686
00:31:09,910 --> 00:31:12,578
I call the first two minutesyour
flash,

687
00:31:12,579 --> 00:31:14,997
and that's where you just...
You go up there,

688
00:31:14,998 --> 00:31:17,374
and it doesn't have to be
a high energy thing

689
00:31:17,375 --> 00:31:18,793
or anything like that.

690
00:31:18,794 --> 00:31:21,796
But the flash
is where you make 'em...

691
00:31:21,797 --> 00:31:24,215
You blow it out,
and you make 'em love you.

692
00:31:24,216 --> 00:31:27,802
And you hook 'em
with whatever material it is

693
00:31:27,803 --> 00:31:29,887
and so that they know
exactly what's funny about you,

694
00:31:29,888 --> 00:31:30,931
and then they trust you.

695
00:31:33,809 --> 00:31:35,601
And, um,

696
00:31:35,602 --> 00:31:37,978
it's been weird to adjust what...

697
00:31:37,979 --> 00:31:40,022
What the flash is here.

698
00:31:40,023 --> 00:31:44,151
Oh my God, you guys are the best looking
crowd I've ever seen in my life.

699
00:31:44,152 --> 00:31:46,612
Like, you're... you're reallygood
looking people.

700
00:31:46,613 --> 00:31:49,198
Like, I am having
a blood diversion right now,

701
00:31:49,199 --> 00:31:51,826
and this is ridiculous.

702
00:31:51,827 --> 00:31:53,661
Um, by the way,
my name is Pete Lee,

703
00:31:53,662 --> 00:31:55,121
and like don't feel bad.

704
00:31:55,122 --> 00:31:59,416
I'm disappointed
that I'm not Asian, too.

705
00:31:59,417 --> 00:32:00,709
Right?

706
00:32:00,710 --> 00:32:02,070
You guys are like,
"Oh, he's white.

707
00:32:02,094 --> 00:32:03,921
"All right, okay." Right?

708
00:32:03,922 --> 00:32:06,298
All growing up, all my friends,
they would be like,

709
00:32:06,299 --> 00:32:08,175
"Well, if your... if yourfamily's
not Asian,

710
00:32:08,176 --> 00:32:12,346
then what are they?"
And I'm like, "Alcoholics."

711
00:32:12,347 --> 00:32:16,726
I'm from America, but you
can't tell because I'm thin.

712
00:32:18,478 --> 00:32:21,147
People are like, "Do you eat
there, too?" Um, yeah, I do.

713
00:32:21,148 --> 00:32:23,399
Uh, we were in Hong
Kongyesterday.

714
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:25,985
Do you guys... have you ever been there?
Um, right?

715
00:32:25,986 --> 00:32:27,903
Uh, that city's
just like Singapore,

716
00:32:27,904 --> 00:32:31,740
except for it's
a giant shithole.

717
00:32:31,741 --> 00:32:32,908
Have you guys been there?

718
00:32:32,909 --> 00:32:34,535
Like, Hong Kong means, like,

719
00:32:34,536 --> 00:32:36,662
weird water that drips
on you randomly

720
00:32:36,663 --> 00:32:40,374
that's made of AIDS. Right?

721
00:32:40,375 --> 00:32:43,043
It's the grossest city
I've ever been in in my life.

722
00:32:43,044 --> 00:32:45,254
Like, there's a smell
in Hong Kong that's like...

723
00:32:45,255 --> 00:32:48,717
It's like nail polish
removermixed with farts and fish.

724
00:32:50,010 --> 00:32:53,762
Is this too edgy for you guys?

725
00:32:53,763 --> 00:32:55,806
Um, uh, this my hair,
by the way,

726
00:32:55,807 --> 00:32:58,058
uh, just to let you guys know.

727
00:32:58,059 --> 00:33:00,562
I look like Superman
with a perm.

728
00:33:03,064 --> 00:33:05,065
Have you guys ever been
growing out your hair

729
00:33:05,066 --> 00:33:08,485
because you wanted to try out like
a shaggy, edgy thing, you know?

730
00:33:08,486 --> 00:33:10,646
But then you had lunch
with your family last Wednesday,

731
00:33:10,647 --> 00:33:12,689
and you looked across the table
and you're like,

732
00:33:12,690 --> 00:33:17,453
"Oh my God, I have the same
exact hairstyle as my mom."

733
00:33:17,454 --> 00:33:20,122
Right, I thought this was
likethe rocker, but I was like,

734
00:33:20,123 --> 00:33:24,793
"No, that's the Susan."
This hairstyle doesn't rock.

735
00:33:24,794 --> 00:33:28,464
It drinks Sauvignon blanc
and does crafts.

736
00:33:28,465 --> 00:33:30,505
Now every time I look in the
mirror, my hair's like,

737
00:33:30,529 --> 00:33:33,385
"Where are my grandkids?"

738
00:33:33,386 --> 00:33:36,388
I'm like, "Shut up, Susan."

739
00:33:36,389 --> 00:33:38,098
You had a turning moment.

740
00:33:38,099 --> 00:33:41,685
Like, you were the first,
uh, you know, foreigner,

741
00:33:41,686 --> 00:33:44,980
you know, and you
were ramping up.

742
00:33:44,981 --> 00:33:47,650
And then there was...
You hooked 'em.

743
00:33:47,651 --> 00:33:49,485
You hooked them on, uh,

744
00:33:49,486 --> 00:33:52,780
when you said Susan and
stuff, right, with the hair?

745
00:33:52,781 --> 00:33:54,141
And then you got
an applause break,

746
00:33:54,165 --> 00:33:55,824
and then they were like, "Yes."

747
00:33:55,825 --> 00:33:58,369
And you had to follow
Fast and Furious 6.

748
00:33:58,370 --> 00:34:00,120
Pete: Yeah, I did.

749
00:34:00,121 --> 00:34:02,623
I did follow Asian Dane
Cook, Da-nane Cook.

750
00:34:02,624 --> 00:34:05,709
I just came back from where these guys
come from, and I went to do some spots

751
00:34:05,710 --> 00:34:07,628
in the Acme Comedy Club
in Minneapolis.

752
00:34:07,629 --> 00:34:09,880
And when I landed,
somebody came up to me and said,

753
00:34:09,881 --> 00:34:11,401
"Are you Rishi
Budhrani?" I said, "Wow,

754
00:34:11,425 --> 00:34:12,675
people know me in Minneapolis."

755
00:34:12,676 --> 00:34:14,876
They said, "Oh, no, no,
we were told to pick up the guy"

756
00:34:14,900 --> 00:34:19,682
who looks like the love child
of Borat and Jay Leno."

757
00:34:19,683 --> 00:34:24,270
I've always thought
about standup as something...

758
00:34:24,271 --> 00:34:26,272
It's a dream that I never knew...

759
00:34:26,273 --> 00:34:28,857
Or rather I never dared dream

760
00:34:28,858 --> 00:34:31,110
because of where I was

761
00:34:31,111 --> 00:34:32,945
'cause if you're a funny kid
in Singapore,

762
00:34:32,946 --> 00:34:36,240
no one encourages you to be funny...
no one tells you growing up

763
00:34:36,241 --> 00:34:37,825
that, hey, you know,
you're funny.

764
00:34:37,826 --> 00:34:40,386
You could make a career out of...
This could be something that...

765
00:34:40,410 --> 00:34:43,122
That feeds your family one day.
No one ever says that.

766
00:34:43,123 --> 00:34:45,003
Singapore has one
of the best zoos in the world,

767
00:34:45,027 --> 00:34:47,293
and I say that doesn't make
any fucking sense, right?

768
00:34:47,294 --> 00:34:49,545
How can Singapore have one
of the best zoos in the world?

769
00:34:49,546 --> 00:34:51,666
We don't have any wildlife.
We don't have any jungles.

770
00:34:51,690 --> 00:34:53,382
How can it be
one of the best zoos?

771
00:34:53,383 --> 00:34:55,543
And then I realize, okay,
this is a fucking zoo, right?

772
00:34:55,544 --> 00:34:57,825
Why does Singapore have one
of the best zoos in the world?

773
00:34:57,849 --> 00:35:00,431
Because our nation
specializes in exerting control

774
00:35:00,432 --> 00:35:05,227
over living things in captivity.

775
00:35:05,228 --> 00:35:07,813
Standup is one of the few,

776
00:35:07,814 --> 00:35:10,983
well, I dare say,
only artforms in Singapore,

777
00:35:10,984 --> 00:35:14,737
which is not regulated
to that extent.

778
00:35:14,738 --> 00:35:17,364
Now if you're doing a theatrical
show, if you'redoing a play

779
00:35:17,365 --> 00:35:19,366
or if you're doing
an original piece,

780
00:35:19,367 --> 00:35:22,453
you've gotta submit your work...

781
00:35:22,454 --> 00:35:25,581
The script... to the
mediadevelopment authority.

782
00:35:25,582 --> 00:35:27,958
And they have to approve it,
and they will rate it.

783
00:35:27,959 --> 00:35:30,044
Is it an NC-16 rating,

784
00:35:30,045 --> 00:35:34,548
or is it a M-18 or 21?

785
00:35:34,549 --> 00:35:38,635
So they do that
for theater pieces.

786
00:35:38,636 --> 00:35:42,973
Standup for some reason
has escaped all that so far.

787
00:35:42,974 --> 00:35:45,642
The worst thing about the
Middle East is that women there

788
00:35:45,643 --> 00:35:48,646
are not allowed to speak
freely, and that really upset me.

789
00:35:48,647 --> 00:35:50,731
And that's why I say women
inSingapore are much better off.

790
00:35:50,732 --> 00:35:53,132
In Singapore, there's no such
thing as gender discrimination.

791
00:35:53,133 --> 00:35:55,493
In Singapore it doesn't matterwhether
you're a man or woman.

792
00:35:55,517 --> 00:35:58,697
Nobody is allowed
to speak freely.

793
00:35:58,698 --> 00:36:02,284
Tom: Is there a sense of fear
among you that it might,

794
00:36:02,285 --> 00:36:05,913
you know, get onto the radar
of the sensors?

795
00:36:05,914 --> 00:36:07,331
I've... I... I get a feeling

796
00:36:07,332 --> 00:36:09,500
that a bunch of us
might already be.

797
00:36:09,501 --> 00:36:12,753
There might be a file
of most comics at some point.

798
00:36:12,754 --> 00:36:15,923
We've had government officialscome
down to our shows, man.

799
00:36:15,924 --> 00:36:16,924
We've had that.

800
00:36:16,925 --> 00:36:18,384
I mean, we've had, uh,

801
00:36:18,385 --> 00:36:20,677
undercover government officials
as well.

802
00:36:20,678 --> 00:36:24,098
We've had people come to us
and not even in these shows.

803
00:36:24,099 --> 00:36:27,518
I mean, they've got theater
shows where they have, um...

804
00:36:27,519 --> 00:36:31,355
Where they talk about,
um, provocative topics, you know,

805
00:36:31,356 --> 00:36:33,156
or they talk about,
like, controversial topics

806
00:36:33,180 --> 00:36:34,525
that relates to the government,

807
00:36:34,526 --> 00:36:35,943
and we'll have like the media
development authority.

808
00:36:35,944 --> 00:36:38,153
This is gonna be edited in
the US, so I don't care.

809
00:36:38,154 --> 00:36:41,573
So the media developmentauthority,
they will come downand just to vet.

810
00:36:41,574 --> 00:36:44,201
But they pick
their battles really.

811
00:36:44,202 --> 00:36:46,328
Some things
I would say on stage,

812
00:36:46,329 --> 00:36:48,372
but I would never post
on Facebook.

813
00:36:48,373 --> 00:36:50,293
Thank you for having me.
I just wanted to come up

814
00:36:50,317 --> 00:36:53,293
and say, uh, I did standup
in Singapore because, uh,

815
00:36:53,294 --> 00:36:58,090
your reputation is hilarious
by the way.

816
00:36:58,091 --> 00:37:00,731
People just scare the shit out of
me when I said I was coming here.

817
00:37:00,755 --> 00:37:03,053
"Don't bring drugs!
They'll fucking kill you!"

818
00:37:03,054 --> 00:37:06,890
"Don't watch porn.
They'll cane your dick."

819
00:37:06,891 --> 00:37:09,518
"Don't spit. They'll shoot
you in the fucking head."

820
00:37:09,519 --> 00:37:11,437
Listen.
I don't know the rules here.

821
00:37:11,438 --> 00:37:13,397
I fucking almost brought
gum here.

822
00:37:13,398 --> 00:37:16,316
So if anyone wants to fucking...

823
00:37:16,317 --> 00:37:18,819
I don't know any of the rules.
What a weird...

824
00:37:18,820 --> 00:37:20,696
I'm not gonna make fun
of your fucking place,

825
00:37:20,697 --> 00:37:23,657
but you can fucking buy
hookers but not gum?

826
00:37:23,658 --> 00:37:26,410
That's a thing that you did?

827
00:37:26,411 --> 00:37:29,830
That's what you guys
decided to do?

828
00:37:29,831 --> 00:37:32,040
I'm quite a nerd, you know,
I like superhero movies.

829
00:37:32,041 --> 00:37:35,544
I recently watched the
newCaptain America movie.

830
00:37:35,545 --> 00:37:36,962
I watched that movie, and, uh,

831
00:37:36,963 --> 00:37:39,631
I really wish there
was a Chinese superhero,

832
00:37:39,632 --> 00:37:44,052
you know, like Captain China.

833
00:37:44,053 --> 00:37:48,932
Because you see Captain America has
a shieldthat he can throw, right?

834
00:37:48,933 --> 00:37:52,853
So maybe Captain China
can throw pirated DVDs,

835
00:37:52,854 --> 00:37:56,356
you know?

836
00:37:56,357 --> 00:37:58,650
And Captain China's superpower

837
00:37:58,651 --> 00:38:01,862
would be lending money
to Captain America.

838
00:38:05,784 --> 00:38:08,952
When Jinx went on the stage
I was like, yes, I love him.

839
00:38:08,953 --> 00:38:10,370
I'm feeling love,

840
00:38:10,371 --> 00:38:12,456
and I feel like
a good person again

841
00:38:12,457 --> 00:38:14,374
because I love one
of the local comics.

842
00:38:14,375 --> 00:38:17,377
But this year there was a new
Spiderman movie, and, you know,

843
00:38:17,378 --> 00:38:19,254
if you follow
the Spiderman movies,

844
00:38:19,255 --> 00:38:21,256
you notice Spiderman's
enemy is usually

845
00:38:21,257 --> 00:38:23,634
some kind of animal,
you know, like,

846
00:38:23,635 --> 00:38:27,221
Doctor Octopus or the Lizard, and
then now they have

847
00:38:27,222 --> 00:38:29,306
the Rhino, you know.

848
00:38:29,307 --> 00:38:30,849
Well, if Spiderman was Chinese,

849
00:38:30,850 --> 00:38:33,268
he would just eat
all his enemies, you know.

850
00:38:38,399 --> 00:38:41,401
They'll be no more
superhero movie.

851
00:38:41,402 --> 00:38:43,737
It will just be a cooking show.

852
00:38:46,741 --> 00:38:48,541
Yeah, I live in the States
for a couple years.

853
00:38:48,565 --> 00:38:50,202
Uh, I studied there
for a couple years,

854
00:38:50,203 --> 00:38:52,621
uh, then before I dropped out
of college so.

855
00:38:52,622 --> 00:38:54,665
He dropped out of, uh...
That place... Caltech.

856
00:38:54,666 --> 00:38:56,250
- You know Caltech?
- Yeah.

857
00:38:56,251 --> 00:38:58,371
- He dropped out of Caltech?
- He dropped out of Ca...

858
00:38:58,372 --> 00:39:00,732
He's a fucking genius this guy...
He dropped out of Caltech.

859
00:39:00,756 --> 00:39:01,880
His parents hated him,

860
00:39:01,881 --> 00:39:04,508
and he just wanted to come
backand just do copy writing

861
00:39:04,509 --> 00:39:06,468
and now he's doing comedy.

862
00:39:06,469 --> 00:39:08,470
Uh, but I also watched
the musical movie.

863
00:39:08,471 --> 00:39:10,305
Les Misérables, you know.

864
00:39:10,306 --> 00:39:11,974
And there being
Singaporean, I realized,

865
00:39:11,975 --> 00:39:13,809
"Wow, you can never have

866
00:39:13,810 --> 00:39:16,812
"a Singaporean production
of Les Misérables," you know,

867
00:39:16,813 --> 00:39:20,232
because the Les Misérables
songswould not work in Singapore.

868
00:39:20,233 --> 00:39:24,278
It would be like,
"Do you hear the people sing?"

869
00:39:24,279 --> 00:39:25,904
No, cannot.

870
00:39:25,905 --> 00:39:30,701
Police coming.

871
00:39:30,702 --> 00:39:36,541
"Because more than three peopleis
an illegal gathering."

872
00:39:41,129 --> 00:39:45,299
Or maybe it will be like,
"Do you hear the people sing?"

873
00:39:45,300 --> 00:39:49,219
No. Singaporean's cannot sing.

874
00:39:49,220 --> 00:39:50,721
If we need to sing,

875
00:39:50,722 --> 00:39:55,934
"we hire people
from the Philippines."

876
00:39:55,935 --> 00:39:57,815
There's a part of me
that thinks that, you know,

877
00:39:57,816 --> 00:40:00,151
if there's something that's
notallowed to be talked about,

878
00:40:00,152 --> 00:40:03,150
uh, thi... this is...

879
00:40:03,151 --> 00:40:04,943
Uh, I guess how should I put it?

880
00:40:04,944 --> 00:40:08,947
Uh, some of the things that
are most worth talking about

881
00:40:08,948 --> 00:40:10,657
are the things
that are a bit taboo

882
00:40:10,658 --> 00:40:13,076
and... and... and...
And so, yeah, that's...

883
00:40:13,077 --> 00:40:15,162
That's...
That's generally how I feel.

884
00:40:15,163 --> 00:40:16,563
I'm sure there
are some couples here

885
00:40:16,564 --> 00:40:17,964
who are thinking
of getting married.

886
00:40:17,988 --> 00:40:19,291
Okay, so here's a tip, okay.

887
00:40:19,292 --> 00:40:21,001
If you're thinking
of getting married,

888
00:40:21,002 --> 00:40:23,629
uh, remember to take
lots of wedding photos, okay.

889
00:40:23,630 --> 00:40:26,048
See, uh, taking wedding photosis
very important because, uh,

890
00:40:26,049 --> 00:40:30,469
taking wedding photos is kind of
like taking pictures of your food.

891
00:40:30,470 --> 00:40:34,724
You are capturing the moment
before everythingturns into shit.

892
00:40:39,771 --> 00:40:43,357
That first show,
completely out of my mind.

893
00:40:43,358 --> 00:40:45,442
I felt so exhausted.

894
00:40:45,443 --> 00:40:47,283
Uh, it's great to be here.
I love your country.

895
00:40:47,307 --> 00:40:51,323
I've been here five hours.
I love the rules.

896
00:40:51,324 --> 00:40:53,033
You know why?
'Cause it fucking works.

897
00:40:53,034 --> 00:40:57,037
Freedom is overrated.
Liberal thoughts are overrated.

898
00:40:57,038 --> 00:41:00,415
Throwing shit on the ground
is overrated.

899
00:41:00,416 --> 00:41:02,417
I wish you guys had more rules.

900
00:41:02,418 --> 00:41:04,458
I wish, like, if you made
eye contact with somebody,

901
00:41:04,482 --> 00:41:09,549
a cop could just snap your
fucking neck right on the spot.

902
00:41:09,550 --> 00:41:11,510
This is a great country.

903
00:41:11,511 --> 00:41:13,471
Like, I had so much
anxietybefore I went up there.

904
00:41:13,495 --> 00:41:14,554
Yeah.

905
00:41:14,555 --> 00:41:16,556
Like, just because of
the length of the show

906
00:41:16,557 --> 00:41:18,183
and watching people and then...

907
00:41:18,184 --> 00:41:20,018
And not knowing
how things are gonna go.

908
00:41:20,019 --> 00:41:23,063
I was in a full fucking panicand
not knowing...

909
00:41:23,064 --> 00:41:24,898
Uh, not remembering.

910
00:41:24,899 --> 00:41:26,739
Like, all that shit was like, uh,
was not like,

911
00:41:26,763 --> 00:41:28,318
"Oh, here's what
I'll go into next."

912
00:41:28,319 --> 00:41:31,113
It was all like scrambling,
scrambling, scrambling,

913
00:41:31,114 --> 00:41:32,489
and then say something.

914
00:41:32,490 --> 00:41:33,907
Holy shit.

915
00:41:33,908 --> 00:41:37,703
Um, I took a crazy shit
earlier today.

916
00:41:37,704 --> 00:41:40,288
Is... is pooping universal?

917
00:41:40,289 --> 00:41:41,832
Is that a thing?

918
00:41:41,833 --> 00:41:43,750
Here's something
I just found out.

919
00:41:43,751 --> 00:41:47,212
I just found out that not
everybody has diarrhea every day.

920
00:41:47,213 --> 00:41:49,507
I didn't know that.

921
00:41:52,051 --> 00:41:54,803
Seriously.
Here's how I found out.

922
00:41:54,804 --> 00:41:57,723
We moved. My wife and I
moved to a new place.

923
00:41:57,724 --> 00:42:00,142
In the new place,
the living room couch

924
00:42:00,143 --> 00:42:03,603
is closer to the bathroom
than it was in the old place.

925
00:42:03,604 --> 00:42:05,230
So the second day we're there,

926
00:42:05,231 --> 00:42:06,982
I go in there. I do my thing.

927
00:42:06,983 --> 00:42:08,442
When I walk out,

928
00:42:08,443 --> 00:42:11,028
my wife is no longer
sitting on the couch.

929
00:42:11,029 --> 00:42:14,030
She's now standing
holding car keys, and she goes,

930
00:42:14,031 --> 00:42:16,491
"Do you need
to go to the hospital?"

931
00:42:16,492 --> 00:42:18,243
And I go, "For what?"

932
00:42:18,244 --> 00:42:21,163
And she goes, "For what
just happened in there."

933
00:42:21,164 --> 00:42:23,832
And I go,
"What just happened in there?"

934
00:42:23,833 --> 00:42:26,585
And she goes,
"Is that normal for you?"

935
00:42:26,586 --> 00:42:29,796
And I was like, "I don't remember
what happened. So I guess so."

936
00:42:29,797 --> 00:42:33,467
And she goes, "Jesus, how
often do you shit like that?"

937
00:42:33,468 --> 00:42:36,094
I was like, "Every day."

938
00:42:36,095 --> 00:42:38,472
And she goes, "Oh my God,
is there blood in there?"

939
00:42:38,473 --> 00:42:40,891
And I was like, "There could be.
I don't know."

940
00:42:40,892 --> 00:42:44,644
Like, I just go, Bop!,
and then I hit flush, you know?"

941
00:42:44,645 --> 00:42:46,605
And she goes,
"You don't look at it?"

942
00:42:46,606 --> 00:42:49,274
And I'm like, "Where am I supposed to look?
It's everywhere."

943
00:42:49,275 --> 00:42:53,153
You want me to look at
each individual piece? No.

944
00:42:53,154 --> 00:42:57,365
"I fucking paint the bowl,
and then I wash it away."

945
00:42:57,366 --> 00:43:02,704
That's how I found out that not
everybody has diarrhea every day.

946
00:43:02,705 --> 00:43:07,250
I just didn't like that first set,
and, uh, I was bummed about it.

947
00:43:07,251 --> 00:43:10,253
I didn't like, like, that, like,

948
00:43:10,254 --> 00:43:12,380
they seemed like
too bothered by something,

949
00:43:12,381 --> 00:43:14,883
and then I felt like a guy

950
00:43:14,884 --> 00:43:17,010
that didn't even speak
Englishburned me.

951
00:43:17,011 --> 00:43:19,638
And like
I didn't even have the...

952
00:43:19,639 --> 00:43:22,099
Like the speed to say
something back.

953
00:43:22,100 --> 00:43:23,820
You remember the last time
you had diarrhea?

954
00:43:23,844 --> 00:43:25,101
- Man: Yeah.
- When was it?

955
00:43:25,102 --> 00:43:27,395
- Man: It is quite often.
- It's quite often, too?

956
00:43:27,396 --> 00:43:29,981
Lactose intolerant?
Is that a wild guess?

957
00:43:29,982 --> 00:43:32,025
What is it? What causes it?

958
00:43:32,026 --> 00:43:34,277
- Stress?
- Man: I don't know how to answer this.

959
00:43:34,278 --> 00:43:37,113
You don't know
how to answer this?

960
00:43:37,114 --> 00:43:39,784
What made you shit crazy?

961
00:43:43,079 --> 00:43:44,871
- Man: Bad humor.
- Bad humor?

962
00:43:44,872 --> 00:43:49,084
Oh, fuck. You're shitting on me?

963
00:43:49,085 --> 00:43:51,294
That's bad?

964
00:43:51,295 --> 00:43:54,757
Did you laugh at the other
stuffearlier or no?

965
00:43:59,053 --> 00:44:02,139
Today's a good day?

966
00:44:02,140 --> 00:44:06,059
A guy who I don't think
speaks good English,

967
00:44:06,060 --> 00:44:09,271
uh, burned me, and I couldn't
even fuckingthink of rebuttal.

968
00:44:09,272 --> 00:44:11,832
Like, I was like, "You don't even
speak English,"and he was like,

969
00:44:11,856 --> 00:44:14,359
"Nah." Like, he was like,
"Yo, this humor sucks."

970
00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:16,945
And I was like, "Really?"
That's what I had for him.

971
00:44:16,946 --> 00:44:20,115
What's your primary language?

972
00:44:20,116 --> 00:44:22,659
- Man: English.
- English?

973
00:44:22,660 --> 00:44:24,494
Oh, fuck, this is gonna be
a really bad set.

974
00:44:24,495 --> 00:44:25,704
All right.

975
00:44:25,705 --> 00:44:26,955
I got nothing.

976
00:44:26,956 --> 00:44:28,957
So like the whole night
I was like,

977
00:44:28,958 --> 00:44:30,625
yeah, I was totally
bummed by that.

978
00:44:30,626 --> 00:44:32,335
You're being very hard
on yourself.

979
00:44:32,336 --> 00:44:34,963
- Yes, you are.
- And you were incredible.

980
00:44:34,964 --> 00:44:37,716
Like, dude, we've had four
hoursof sleep in three days.

981
00:44:37,717 --> 00:44:39,342
No, I know.

982
00:44:39,343 --> 00:44:41,103
And then you just went up
in front of people.

983
00:44:41,127 --> 00:44:42,888
This is what
you're supposed to do.

984
00:44:42,889 --> 00:44:46,349
What I'm doing is what you're
supposed to do is hate yourself.

985
00:44:46,350 --> 00:44:49,686
But that's... if I didn't hate
myself, I wouldn't do standup.

986
00:44:49,687 --> 00:44:52,105
My therapist, you know,
she basically told me.

987
00:44:52,106 --> 00:44:54,357
She's like, hating myself
and being mean to myself

988
00:44:54,358 --> 00:44:55,775
has got me to this level.

989
00:44:55,776 --> 00:44:58,153
And she's like,
you'll never get past this level

990
00:44:58,154 --> 00:44:59,779
unless you start
to love yourself

991
00:44:59,780 --> 00:45:02,198
and unlock the rest
of the creativity.

992
00:45:02,199 --> 00:45:04,117
- Completely disagree.
- What?

993
00:45:04,118 --> 00:45:07,120
Because if you look at
the best creativity,

994
00:45:07,121 --> 00:45:10,749
if you look at the best musicand
the best comedy,

995
00:45:10,750 --> 00:45:14,336
comedians, the funnier you are,

996
00:45:14,337 --> 00:45:18,298
you should get more leeway
to be a fucking lunatic.

997
00:45:18,299 --> 00:45:20,175
- Oh.
- I think.

998
00:45:20,176 --> 00:45:21,593
But here's the thing.

999
00:45:21,594 --> 00:45:23,803
Your therapist
is talking about being

1000
00:45:23,804 --> 00:45:26,932
a healthy and happy human being.

1001
00:45:26,933 --> 00:45:28,475
- True.
- That's her...

1002
00:45:28,476 --> 00:45:30,518
That's what
her ultimate goal is.

1003
00:45:30,519 --> 00:45:32,879
He doesn't give a fuck what
happens to you as a human being.

1004
00:45:32,903 --> 00:45:35,322
No. I just want the funny.

1005
00:45:38,277 --> 00:45:41,071
I'm still mad that that hookerhurt
my feelings last night.

1006
00:45:41,072 --> 00:45:44,366
- Um, and I...
- That's why I'm wearing a hat today.

1007
00:45:44,367 --> 00:45:46,727
Everyone I've talked to today,
I've told that story to them.

1008
00:45:46,751 --> 00:45:48,495
- The hooker hurt my feelings?
- Everyone.

1009
00:45:48,496 --> 00:45:50,121
- Huh?
- What happened?

1010
00:45:50,122 --> 00:45:51,957
I was walking to 7-Eleven,

1011
00:45:51,958 --> 00:45:54,960
when I had my low blood sugar
moment last night.

1012
00:45:54,961 --> 00:45:57,379
And, um, the hookers just like...

1013
00:45:57,380 --> 00:45:59,589
They like grabbed my arms,
you know.

1014
00:45:59,590 --> 00:46:03,009
It was almost like a Disney movie
where like just a haram of women

1015
00:46:03,010 --> 00:46:04,511
like grab your arms,
and they're like,

1016
00:46:04,512 --> 00:46:07,389
"Come. Come sit with us.
Come have conversation."

1017
00:46:07,390 --> 00:46:10,225
And I'm like, "No, I'm really hungry.
I have to go here."

1018
00:46:10,226 --> 00:46:13,645
And then as soon as like
we disconnected physically,

1019
00:46:13,646 --> 00:46:16,481
they're like, "Wow,
your hair fucking is weird."

1020
00:46:16,482 --> 00:46:17,899
You have clown hair."

1021
00:46:17,900 --> 00:46:20,318
And I was like,
"That..." I was like,

1022
00:46:20,319 --> 00:46:23,238
"That was really unfair of
you,"is what I said to them.

1023
00:46:23,239 --> 00:46:25,679
I'm like, I didn't wanna... like,
'cause I could've been like,

1024
00:46:25,703 --> 00:46:27,450
"You're whores,"
or like something.

1025
00:46:27,451 --> 00:46:29,251
You know, like,
I could've just... but like...

1026
00:46:29,275 --> 00:46:31,121
I didn't want
to say anything mean to them

1027
00:46:31,122 --> 00:46:34,541
because I know that like...
Like... like 15 minutes from now

1028
00:46:34,542 --> 00:46:37,502
they're gonna be doing
an awful thing to some man

1029
00:46:37,503 --> 00:46:39,103
that they don't
want to be doing that to.

1030
00:46:39,127 --> 00:46:40,672
Probably with better hair
than you.

1031
00:46:40,673 --> 00:46:42,632
Yeah.

1032
00:46:44,343 --> 00:46:46,423
Tom: At some point the concept
of street food vendors

1033
00:46:46,447 --> 00:46:48,054
became just too chaotic
for Singapore.

1034
00:46:48,055 --> 00:46:50,473
So the government created
thesefood hawker centers

1035
00:46:50,474 --> 00:46:54,561
to get them all off the street and
under onefully regulated roof.

1036
00:46:54,562 --> 00:46:57,063
Pete: Wow, this is like insane.

1037
00:46:57,064 --> 00:46:59,482
Tom: Good news when it
comes to food safety.

1038
00:46:59,483 --> 00:47:02,485
Bad news when it comes to makinga
decision about what to eat.

1039
00:47:02,486 --> 00:47:05,405
I've got to find my jam.

1040
00:47:05,406 --> 00:47:09,159
Tom: Granted, some choices are
easierto rule out than others.

1041
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:11,536
Thank you very much.

1042
00:47:11,537 --> 00:47:16,332
Curry rice with curry chickenand
an egg.

1043
00:47:16,333 --> 00:47:18,334
And you?

1044
00:47:18,335 --> 00:47:21,963
Roast duck, roast pork.

1045
00:47:21,964 --> 00:47:24,966
Why don't I not just
fuckingfollow you around?

1046
00:47:24,967 --> 00:47:27,010
- I would if I were you.
- 'Cause now I want that.

1047
00:47:27,011 --> 00:47:29,554
I'm gonna go back and get that.
This isn't gonna fill me up.

1048
00:47:29,555 --> 00:47:31,181
There's some places
where you go,

1049
00:47:31,182 --> 00:47:34,560
"Am I ordering lunch or just
scheduling diarrhea?"

1050
00:47:35,936 --> 00:47:38,688
I'm gonna go get something
from China.

1051
00:47:38,689 --> 00:47:41,316
Bye, Louis.
Have fun with your people.

1052
00:47:43,194 --> 00:47:44,611
We're playing a game, right?

1053
00:47:44,612 --> 00:47:47,113
Yes.

1054
00:47:47,114 --> 00:47:49,324
What, we're like openmindedenough
to come over here

1055
00:47:49,325 --> 00:47:52,243
but closeminded enough to like make
racist comments the whole time?

1056
00:47:52,244 --> 00:47:53,912
Is that what we're doing?

1057
00:47:53,913 --> 00:47:59,042
Louis: I started dating
American girlin 1981,

1058
00:47:59,043 --> 00:48:03,171
and so she took me
to a comedy show.

1059
00:48:03,172 --> 00:48:07,467
And I walk in there,
and I only get half the show.

1060
00:48:07,468 --> 00:48:11,262
But the crowd was so good,
and it's like, wow.

1061
00:48:11,263 --> 00:48:13,389
What about the other half?

1062
00:48:13,390 --> 00:48:17,143
I mean, I... I get the half
that I thought is really funny,

1063
00:48:17,144 --> 00:48:19,312
and then the other half is,

1064
00:48:19,313 --> 00:48:23,066
"Huh, this is how
peoplecommunicate to each other."

1065
00:48:23,067 --> 00:48:26,152
Nothing like you read
from a textbook.

1066
00:48:26,153 --> 00:48:27,946
It... it's different.

1067
00:48:27,947 --> 00:48:30,949
It's even kind of differencethan
you see a movie

1068
00:48:30,950 --> 00:48:33,785
because movie
are so well-scripted.

1069
00:48:33,786 --> 00:48:37,747
And here, you know,
people just talk naturally.

1070
00:48:37,748 --> 00:48:39,749
Huh, this is interesting.

1071
00:48:39,750 --> 00:48:42,877
That's how I can learn
more English,

1072
00:48:42,878 --> 00:48:45,213
and I try...
I can try to be funny

1073
00:48:45,214 --> 00:48:46,631
when I talk to other people

1074
00:48:46,632 --> 00:48:49,592
by stealing jokes from...
From the comics.

1075
00:48:49,593 --> 00:48:51,095
- Cheers.
- Cheers.

1076
00:48:55,057 --> 00:49:00,603
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the
Acme ComedyCompany Asia Tour 2014.

1077
00:49:00,604 --> 00:49:03,816
Everyone, please make
somefucking noise.

1078
00:49:06,443 --> 00:49:10,864
The next night it felt like
it was on in that room.

1079
00:49:10,865 --> 00:49:12,490
Folks, by way of an intro,

1080
00:49:12,491 --> 00:49:14,571
for those of you that don't
know me, my name is Umar.

1081
00:49:14,595 --> 00:49:16,828
I'm your emcee for the night.
I am from Pakistan.

1082
00:49:16,829 --> 00:49:19,247
I see some white people here.
Just relax.

1083
00:49:19,248 --> 00:49:21,082
Everything will be okay.

1084
00:49:21,083 --> 00:49:23,918
I see some white people here.
Just relax.

1085
00:49:23,919 --> 00:49:26,921
That, you know, not all Pakistanis
areterrorists, for example.

1086
00:49:26,922 --> 00:49:28,682
You know, we 're just...
There are some of us

1087
00:49:28,706 --> 00:49:31,426
who just wanna make you laughand
have a good time.

1088
00:49:31,427 --> 00:49:33,845
Holy shit, with the beard,
a fucking terrorist

1089
00:49:33,846 --> 00:49:36,264
right in the front fucking row.

1090
00:49:36,265 --> 00:49:38,225
Where are you from by the way?
Where are you from?

1091
00:49:38,249 --> 00:49:40,518
- I'm from fuckking Karachi.
- From... from Karachi.

1092
00:49:40,519 --> 00:49:43,188
You're from Pakistan?
You're from Pakistan.

1093
00:49:43,189 --> 00:49:45,648
What the fuck have they told
youin training camp?

1094
00:49:45,649 --> 00:49:47,233
You never sit in the front.

1095
00:49:47,234 --> 00:49:50,153
You sit...
You sit in the fucking center.

1096
00:49:50,154 --> 00:49:54,908
It maximizes the blast
fucking radius.

1097
00:49:54,909 --> 00:49:57,744
Happy 9/11 tomorrow, boys.

1098
00:50:05,753 --> 00:50:07,378
- Good burn.
- Man: It wasn't us.

1099
00:50:07,379 --> 00:50:11,925
I know it wasn't you.
You'd fucking be dead, jackass.

1100
00:50:11,926 --> 00:50:15,011
We didn't see any fuckingparachutes
out of the plane.

1101
00:50:15,012 --> 00:50:16,763
There's be building!

1102
00:50:16,764 --> 00:50:19,433
Oh my God, get my GoPro.

1103
00:50:21,810 --> 00:50:24,270
"It wasn't us." Jesus Christ.

1104
00:50:24,271 --> 00:50:27,273
Yeah, 10-4, I got it.

1105
00:50:27,274 --> 00:50:29,651
I'd heard a lot about Chadbefore
I came here,

1106
00:50:29,652 --> 00:50:31,569
like, a... a lot.

1107
00:50:31,570 --> 00:50:36,366
Um, if you talk to a lot of
good comics, they mention him,

1108
00:50:36,367 --> 00:50:40,578
which is always like the...
The sign of... you're like,

1109
00:50:40,579 --> 00:50:45,333
if this many good comics
talk about somebody being good.

1110
00:50:45,334 --> 00:50:48,920
One time, uh, a guy asked me
if I would die for my kids,

1111
00:50:48,921 --> 00:50:51,089
and I know that as a man
I'm supposed to say yes

1112
00:50:51,090 --> 00:50:52,924
right away
without thinking about it,

1113
00:50:52,925 --> 00:50:54,717
but that's not my answer.

1114
00:50:54,718 --> 00:50:57,929
My answer is I probably
would die for my kids,

1115
00:50:57,930 --> 00:51:01,349
but I have some questions first.

1116
00:51:01,350 --> 00:51:04,352
Like, what kind of death
are we talking about?

1117
00:51:04,353 --> 00:51:07,188
Would my son die quickly,
but if I choose to save him,

1118
00:51:07,189 --> 00:51:09,607
I'm going to have to suffer?

1119
00:51:09,608 --> 00:51:13,444
Because you can ship that
shitright on down the line.

1120
00:51:13,445 --> 00:51:15,405
If my son's standing over
hereand I'm over here

1121
00:51:15,406 --> 00:51:18,074
and a piano
is falling towards my son

1122
00:51:18,075 --> 00:51:19,450
and he doesn't see it but I do,

1123
00:51:19,451 --> 00:51:22,328
you want me to go
push him out of the way?

1124
00:51:22,329 --> 00:51:24,247
No.

1125
00:51:24,248 --> 00:51:26,928
'Cause my last thought is gonna be,
"Oh my God, this is gonna hurt."

1126
00:51:26,952 --> 00:51:29,460
It's a fucking piano."
He doesn't even see the piano.

1127
00:51:29,461 --> 00:51:31,421
So I can help him
with his last thought, right?

1128
00:51:31,422 --> 00:51:33,006
"Isaac, what's your
favorite ice cream?"

1129
00:51:33,007 --> 00:51:34,883
"Cookies and..." Smash!

1130
00:51:38,178 --> 00:51:41,139
Now his last thought
is his favorite ice cream.

1131
00:51:41,140 --> 00:51:43,016
I'll take my
Father Of The Year mug

1132
00:51:43,017 --> 00:51:45,435
whenever it's out of the kiln.

1133
00:51:45,436 --> 00:51:48,021
I think maybe
my attitude in Singapore

1134
00:51:48,022 --> 00:51:50,898
wasn't everybody's favorite,

1135
00:51:50,899 --> 00:51:53,776
but tough shit,
it's my attitude.

1136
00:51:53,777 --> 00:51:55,653
Why are you shaking
your head at me?

1137
00:51:55,654 --> 00:51:57,454
I shouldn't have to go
push him out of the way

1138
00:51:57,478 --> 00:52:00,116
just 'cause he
came out of my dick hole.

1139
00:52:00,117 --> 00:52:02,285
I was very careful
to not get AIDS,

1140
00:52:02,286 --> 00:52:05,122
and I'm still gonna die
from fucking?

1141
00:52:11,545 --> 00:52:14,380
Have they not told you guysabout
AIDS here?

1142
00:52:14,381 --> 00:52:18,676
I know sometimes you don't
getall the news here.

1143
00:52:18,677 --> 00:52:21,888
The second and third day,
I started just going to like

1144
00:52:21,889 --> 00:52:24,390
old material
because I just felt like

1145
00:52:24,391 --> 00:52:28,061
older stuff had a certain
beat and rhythm

1146
00:52:28,062 --> 00:52:29,437
that I felt like... I don't know.

1147
00:52:29,438 --> 00:52:31,689
I was just confident
that it would work.

1148
00:52:31,690 --> 00:52:35,485
Every family...
Every family in the world...

1149
00:52:35,486 --> 00:52:39,739
Has at least one profoundly
stupid person in the family,

1150
00:52:39,740 --> 00:52:41,657
okay, every family.

1151
00:52:41,658 --> 00:52:44,660
And this... this goes even
for really successful families.

1152
00:52:44,661 --> 00:52:46,579
Like, you ever meet
a family where it's like

1153
00:52:46,580 --> 00:52:49,457
a doctor married a lawyer,
and they're like,

1154
00:52:49,458 --> 00:52:53,378
"You know, our three
kids, they're all doctores, too."

1155
00:52:53,379 --> 00:52:57,215
And you're like,
"Yeah, but you have four kids."

1156
00:52:57,216 --> 00:52:59,717
And they're like, "Ah, yeah."

1157
00:52:59,718 --> 00:53:02,387
He's out back."

1158
00:53:02,388 --> 00:53:05,473
And they're, "What's he doing?"

1159
00:53:05,474 --> 00:53:09,018
And they're, "Just trying
to figure shit out."

1160
00:53:09,019 --> 00:53:12,980
"What kinda shit? Like, don't stare
at the sun? Shit like that?"

1161
00:53:12,981 --> 00:53:15,566
I bought one of my old albums
on iTunes to listen to.

1162
00:53:15,567 --> 00:53:17,193
- Interviewer: Really?
- Yeah,

1163
00:53:17,194 --> 00:53:20,321
before that second show
'cause I couldn't remember.

1164
00:53:20,322 --> 00:53:21,962
I like... I was like,
I know that'll work,

1165
00:53:21,986 --> 00:53:24,575
but I wanted to hear, you
know, how did you used to do it?

1166
00:53:24,576 --> 00:53:27,328
I haven't said it out loud
in a long time.

1167
00:53:27,329 --> 00:53:31,499
In my family,
it's my cousin Brian.

1168
00:53:31,500 --> 00:53:33,126
Without a doubt,
it's my cousin Brian.

1169
00:53:33,127 --> 00:53:35,253
Like, every time
we go out to eat

1170
00:53:35,254 --> 00:53:36,838
if I order first and I'm like,

1171
00:53:36,839 --> 00:53:39,799
"Uh, let me get the, uh, Teriyaki
Chicken,"

1172
00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:44,971
he'll be like, "Ah, man,
that's what I was gonna get."

1173
00:53:44,972 --> 00:53:48,433
You still can...

1174
00:53:48,434 --> 00:53:50,977
because we're at a restaurant.

1175
00:53:50,978 --> 00:53:53,396
I didn't order the last one.

1176
00:53:53,397 --> 00:53:57,692
And he'll be like, "Yeah, but then
we'll both be eating the same thing."

1177
00:53:57,693 --> 00:53:59,527
Yeah, I know.

1178
00:53:59,528 --> 00:54:01,088
He's like, "That's
weird." No, it's not.

1179
00:54:01,112 --> 00:54:04,031
You're fucking weird.
It's not weird at all.

1180
00:54:04,032 --> 00:54:07,326
It's weird if I go, "I'm gonna
go propose to Christie",

1181
00:54:07,327 --> 00:54:12,248
and then you go, 'I'm gonna
propose to Christie too.'"

1182
00:54:12,249 --> 00:54:13,624
That's weird.

1183
00:54:13,625 --> 00:54:16,669
Then we have to have
a conversation.

1184
00:54:16,670 --> 00:54:20,506
Like, what are we gonna eat
at the wedding?

1185
00:54:20,507 --> 00:54:23,551
Teriyaki Chicken?
I don't fucking know.

1186
00:54:23,552 --> 00:54:25,928
Singapore, you guys
are the friendliest people

1187
00:54:25,929 --> 00:54:27,930
in the world here,
like, especially like the women

1188
00:54:27,931 --> 00:54:29,974
that like hang out
on the street, you know.

1189
00:54:29,975 --> 00:54:34,645
Like, this was the first placethat
I went after we landed,

1190
00:54:34,646 --> 00:54:36,486
and I was like,
"Everybody's so friendly here."

1191
00:54:36,510 --> 00:54:38,274
Oh my God, they're like,

1192
00:54:38,275 --> 00:54:40,985
"Let me sit on your lap,"
and, you know, like, whatever.

1193
00:54:40,986 --> 00:54:42,986
And then when you're like,
"Idon't have any money,"

1194
00:54:43,010 --> 00:54:46,073
they get mean,
and, uh, like, really mean.

1195
00:54:46,074 --> 00:54:49,744
And, um, okay, uh...

1196
00:54:49,745 --> 00:54:52,788
So, yeah, my name is Pete
Lee, and like don't feel bad.

1197
00:54:52,789 --> 00:54:57,210
I thought I was gonna be
Asiantoo, right?

1198
00:54:57,211 --> 00:55:01,255
I think the Asian scene
is gonna explode even further.

1199
00:55:01,256 --> 00:55:03,216
It... all... the...
The recipe is there.

1200
00:55:03,217 --> 00:55:05,760
You've got comedians.
You've got comedy promoters.

1201
00:55:05,761 --> 00:55:08,554
You've got venues now
who are excited about comedy.

1202
00:55:08,555 --> 00:55:09,972
We're filling up.

1203
00:55:09,973 --> 00:55:12,225
You know, there are bars.
There are clubs.

1204
00:55:12,226 --> 00:55:13,506
All of a sudden on a week night.

1205
00:55:13,530 --> 00:55:16,354
The economics
of standup comedy business

1206
00:55:16,355 --> 00:55:18,356
is, uh, they're no different

1207
00:55:18,357 --> 00:55:21,984
than in the US
in the early '80s.

1208
00:55:21,985 --> 00:55:24,987
Uh, there's not
too many real clubs,

1209
00:55:24,988 --> 00:55:27,990
and you just go to bar
and restaurant.

1210
00:55:27,991 --> 00:55:31,410
Hopefully, you can get
a night here, a night there.

1211
00:55:31,411 --> 00:55:33,371
And then... and, of
course, because of that,

1212
00:55:33,372 --> 00:55:37,041
that's not much money out there.

1213
00:55:37,042 --> 00:55:43,047
But when the comedy itselfstarted
to draw the bigger crowd

1214
00:55:43,048 --> 00:55:45,925
and more consistently,

1215
00:55:45,926 --> 00:55:48,427
then you're talking about
full-time club.

1216
00:55:48,428 --> 00:55:52,056
I know very developing scenes,
very good scenes in Thailand,

1217
00:55:52,057 --> 00:55:57,019
Indonesia, Singapore, Malaysia,
Hong Kong, and the Philippines,

1218
00:55:57,020 --> 00:55:58,604
and... and Japan.

1219
00:55:58,605 --> 00:56:02,024
And I know comedians
in all of these markets.

1220
00:56:02,025 --> 00:56:05,486
They're all either running
open mics or weekly shows

1221
00:56:05,487 --> 00:56:06,904
or monthly shows,

1222
00:56:06,905 --> 00:56:08,657
and some of them
are really good.

1223
00:56:10,950 --> 00:56:12,910
Tom: We headed back to Hong
Kong the next morning.

1224
00:56:12,911 --> 00:56:14,912
I waited until we left
Singapore airspace

1225
00:56:14,913 --> 00:56:17,748
to do some serious
littering on the plane.

1226
00:56:17,749 --> 00:56:22,628
One of the characters
of the week is exhaustion.

1227
00:56:22,629 --> 00:56:25,590
The only thing that's tough
for me is the sleep.

1228
00:56:25,591 --> 00:56:28,259
In Singapore I felt caught upfor
one day,

1229
00:56:28,260 --> 00:56:30,303
and then we basically
had to stay up all night

1230
00:56:30,304 --> 00:56:32,638
and then fly back to Hong Kong.

1231
00:56:32,639 --> 00:56:35,391
We're playing this room TakeOut,

1232
00:56:35,392 --> 00:56:38,561
but my friend
was here last month.

1233
00:56:38,562 --> 00:56:41,355
And he didn't play that room.
He played a different room.

1234
00:56:41,356 --> 00:56:43,232
So there's already like,

1235
00:56:43,233 --> 00:56:46,152
you know, there's that
little bit of competition.

1236
00:56:46,153 --> 00:56:48,654
So we do a few
paid shows a month,

1237
00:56:48,655 --> 00:56:51,324
um, two weekly shows
every single week

1238
00:56:51,325 --> 00:56:52,742
that are open mic shows.

1239
00:56:52,743 --> 00:56:54,952
And then we'll do
headliners as well.

1240
00:56:54,953 --> 00:56:56,954
I've always appreciated
the time that you've had.

1241
00:56:56,955 --> 00:56:59,957
I mean, the first time we
talkedwas about three hours.

1242
00:56:59,958 --> 00:57:01,584
- Right.
- Of just, you know,

1243
00:57:01,585 --> 00:57:03,377
- all about comedy.
- Right.

1244
00:57:03,378 --> 00:57:04,879
Tom: Back at the hotel,

1245
00:57:04,880 --> 00:57:06,797
Louis caught up with
Michael Dorsher,

1246
00:57:06,798 --> 00:57:08,678
another local comedy producerand
American expat,

1247
00:57:08,702 --> 00:57:10,259
to learn about
how the local scene

1248
00:57:10,260 --> 00:57:11,636
is starting to shape up.

1249
00:57:11,637 --> 00:57:14,221
We always go in
and approach places with,

1250
00:57:14,222 --> 00:57:15,848
if this is interesting to you,

1251
00:57:15,849 --> 00:57:17,475
what night of the week
is it dead here?

1252
00:57:17,476 --> 00:57:18,976
Right.

1253
00:57:18,977 --> 00:57:21,187
When do you guys
have nobody that comes in?

1254
00:57:21,188 --> 00:57:24,732
Monday night comedy, everyone.

1255
00:57:24,733 --> 00:57:27,133
Tom: I went to check out one of
theComedy HK open mic nights,

1256
00:57:27,134 --> 00:57:29,054
which happened to coincide
with what was declared

1257
00:57:29,078 --> 00:57:30,196
a T8 level typhoon.

1258
00:57:30,197 --> 00:57:33,532
So the crowd was small
but hearty.

1259
00:57:33,533 --> 00:57:35,534
All right, cool.
I see a lot of new faces.

1260
00:57:35,535 --> 00:57:38,079
I see a lot of old faces.
What's up, Roj?

1261
00:57:38,080 --> 00:57:41,123
If Jami Gong is the, uh,
godfather of Hong Kong comedy,

1262
00:57:41,124 --> 00:57:44,251
uh, these guys are the abandoned
stepchild of Hong Kong comedy.

1263
00:57:44,252 --> 00:57:47,129
Uh! Uh!

1264
00:57:47,130 --> 00:57:49,966
Yeah. I'm still
learning how to smile.

1265
00:57:49,967 --> 00:57:51,676
Uh!

1266
00:57:51,677 --> 00:57:53,427
That's as close as I can get.

1267
00:57:53,428 --> 00:57:55,930
When I'm on dates,
I always like to date like

1268
00:57:55,931 --> 00:57:58,683
older men 'cause then
there's a higher chance

1269
00:57:58,684 --> 00:58:02,019
that their mothers are dead.

1270
00:58:02,020 --> 00:58:03,896
It's the kinda heat there
you expect like

1271
00:58:03,897 --> 00:58:05,981
a prosecuting attorney
to just speak to a little girl

1272
00:58:05,982 --> 00:58:07,400
on a stand and be like,

1273
00:58:07,401 --> 00:58:08,984
"Excuse me.
Could you point to the doll

1274
00:58:08,985 --> 00:58:13,531
where the humidity
has touched you today?"

1275
00:58:13,532 --> 00:58:16,867
She's like,
"In my bathing suit regions."

1276
00:58:16,868 --> 00:58:19,203
Starting our own room
was never a goal of mine.

1277
00:58:19,204 --> 00:58:20,579
It was... it was kinda something

1278
00:58:20,580 --> 00:58:23,332
where the need was really there.

1279
00:58:23,333 --> 00:58:26,335
As people started getting
kicked out of TakeOut Comedy

1280
00:58:26,336 --> 00:58:28,754
and the other
established clubs, um,

1281
00:58:28,755 --> 00:58:32,216
for the same reason they get kicked out
of any otherclub in any other scene,

1282
00:58:32,217 --> 00:58:35,636
like, individual
personalityclash or politics.

1283
00:58:35,637 --> 00:58:38,472
I've created a
professionalatmosphere in our club.

1284
00:58:38,473 --> 00:58:40,015
Everyone's happy, supportive.

1285
00:58:40,016 --> 00:58:41,851
I've kind of weeded out
the weak comics.

1286
00:58:41,852 --> 00:58:43,436
I've weeded out the people

1287
00:58:43,437 --> 00:58:47,064
who are basically dicks, right?

1288
00:58:47,065 --> 00:58:48,899
I said this in the beginning.

1289
00:58:48,900 --> 00:58:51,068
Don't be a dick, all right?

1290
00:58:51,069 --> 00:58:53,863
I've weeded out the people
who are not gonna help us.

1291
00:58:53,864 --> 00:58:57,658
They told me you have no future in comedy.
Don't waste your time.

1292
00:58:57,659 --> 00:59:01,829
And so it was really thatimpetus
that got us to kick off

1293
00:59:01,830 --> 00:59:05,583
and got me to move from
the comedian's seat

1294
00:59:05,584 --> 00:59:07,209
into a producer role.

1295
00:59:07,210 --> 00:59:09,003
And like,
how can we run a good show?

1296
00:59:09,004 --> 00:59:11,630
How can we find a good space,
and how can we do this

1297
00:59:11,631 --> 00:59:13,966
so that we all have a chance
to perform together,

1298
00:59:13,967 --> 00:59:16,677
um, you know, if we can't do it
in this other place anymore?

1299
00:59:16,678 --> 00:59:19,138
A lot of the people
in this group are expats,

1300
00:59:19,139 --> 00:59:22,558
um, or even...
Even the people who are locals,

1301
00:59:22,559 --> 00:59:23,976
they've also lived abroad.

1302
00:59:23,977 --> 00:59:25,770
So we all have that
kind of connection

1303
00:59:25,771 --> 00:59:29,774
and the fact that in some
waywe're all away from home.

1304
00:59:29,775 --> 00:59:32,777
So it's kind of a way
to create home

1305
00:59:32,778 --> 00:59:34,987
within this foreign country.

1306
00:59:34,988 --> 00:59:38,157
The first girl I ever
thought, uh, about marrying,

1307
00:59:38,158 --> 00:59:41,243
uh, messaged me today,
and she said

1308
00:59:41,244 --> 00:59:44,038
no hello, no nothing just, uh,

1309
00:59:44,039 --> 00:59:45,664
"My wedding's in October."

1310
00:59:45,665 --> 00:59:47,875
Can you film a short
videocongratulating me

1311
00:59:47,876 --> 00:59:50,336
"in front of a landmark
and send it to me?"

1312
00:59:50,337 --> 00:59:52,296
Audience member: Oh.

1313
00:59:52,297 --> 00:59:56,884
But you know the worst part?
I'm gonna do it.

1314
00:59:56,885 --> 00:59:59,512
I'm a... like, I'm gonna do
itbecause I'm an idiot.

1315
00:59:59,513 --> 01:00:02,515
There's like this little part
of my male brain that's like,

1316
01:00:02,516 --> 01:00:06,227
"If I give her like the best
congratulations wedding video ever,

1317
01:00:06,228 --> 01:00:08,103
maybe she'll see it
and then fuck me."

1318
01:00:08,104 --> 01:00:11,816
I mean, it's not...
It's not gonna happen.

1319
01:00:11,817 --> 01:00:13,442
I don't know what these guys
are talking about at the gym.

1320
01:00:13,443 --> 01:00:15,003
They come up to me like,
"Hey, man, hey.

1321
01:00:15,027 --> 01:00:16,695
Can you spot me?"

1322
01:00:16,696 --> 01:00:18,816
I'm like, "Yeah, you're right there.
Are you kidding?"

1323
01:00:18,840 --> 01:00:20,616
That's easy.
You must suck at hide and seek.

1324
01:00:20,617 --> 01:00:22,243
Seriously. I'll try anyway.

1325
01:00:22,244 --> 01:00:25,996
"One, two... I'm gonna find
you... three, four."

1326
01:00:25,997 --> 01:00:27,998
If you're an expat in Hong Kong,

1327
01:00:27,999 --> 01:00:31,001
most likely you have
a large worldview.

1328
01:00:31,002 --> 01:00:32,503
You're from around the world.

1329
01:00:32,504 --> 01:00:34,129
You have graduated from college.

1330
01:00:34,130 --> 01:00:36,924
Uh, most of the scenes
in all of Asia

1331
01:00:36,925 --> 01:00:38,759
have been set up by, you know,

1332
01:00:38,760 --> 01:00:41,762
British people moving to
Asia, Americans moving to Asia.

1333
01:00:41,763 --> 01:00:44,765
So it's... it's a lot morediverse
than you'd think.

1334
01:00:44,766 --> 01:00:46,446
Like, you know,
some scenes would only have

1335
01:00:46,470 --> 01:00:48,602
a particular type of
comedy, whereas we...

1336
01:00:48,603 --> 01:00:50,020
We have nothing to look up to.

1337
01:00:50,021 --> 01:00:51,939
So we just do whatever
we think is funny,

1338
01:00:51,940 --> 01:00:53,649
and hopefully
the aaudience responds to it.

1339
01:00:53,650 --> 01:00:56,944
We're part of a community,
uh, with very smart people

1340
01:00:56,945 --> 01:00:59,321
who enjoy making
each other laugh.

1341
01:00:59,322 --> 01:01:01,323
We had a fight, my wife and
I, the other night,

1342
01:01:01,324 --> 01:01:02,950
and she asked me, she goes,

1343
01:01:02,951 --> 01:01:05,244
"Tamby, do you ever wish
you married someone else?"

1344
01:01:05,245 --> 01:01:06,871
I was like, "Oh, God, no."

1345
01:01:06,872 --> 01:01:08,664
That's like asking
someone in prison

1346
01:01:08,665 --> 01:01:12,126
if they wished they were
in a different prison, you know?

1347
01:01:12,127 --> 01:01:13,627
Who gives a shit?

1348
01:01:13,628 --> 01:01:16,505
We wish we were free.

1349
01:01:16,506 --> 01:01:18,132
I've always been funny,

1350
01:01:18,133 --> 01:01:21,594
expect I guess like recentlyl've
been able to, like, hone it

1351
01:01:21,595 --> 01:01:24,805
and fine tune it so that
it's like socially acceptable

1352
01:01:24,806 --> 01:01:26,724
and not just like
weird and awkward, you know.

1353
01:01:26,725 --> 01:01:28,142
I went to Tiananmen's Square.

1354
01:01:28,143 --> 01:01:29,768
I learned that, uh,
China has a tagline

1355
01:01:29,769 --> 01:01:32,479
for the Tiananmen Square
incident like other tragedies,

1356
01:01:32,480 --> 01:01:36,066
you know, um, like 9/11,
never forget, right?

1357
01:01:36,067 --> 01:01:38,611
Uh, the holocaust, never again.

1358
01:01:38,612 --> 01:01:41,155
Tiananmen Square,
never happened.

1359
01:01:41,156 --> 01:01:43,157
It's all about what gets laughs.

1360
01:01:43,158 --> 01:01:44,450
You know, like, it's not w...

1361
01:01:44,451 --> 01:01:46,535
There's no part of it
where I'm like,

1362
01:01:46,536 --> 01:01:49,246
"Man, I've gotta like get this
shit into people'sears, you know?

1363
01:01:49,247 --> 01:01:51,165
Like, I gotta like
share these ideas."

1364
01:01:51,166 --> 01:01:53,792
I just want to get laughs
and like...

1365
01:01:53,793 --> 01:01:55,961
Yeah, that's actually
the end of it.

1366
01:01:55,962 --> 01:01:57,963
Hi. Uh, my name is Cherry.

1367
01:01:57,964 --> 01:01:59,381
I came back from Canada.

1368
01:01:59,382 --> 01:02:01,550
I've got a friend
whose name is Sean.

1369
01:02:01,551 --> 01:02:04,511
Now most people think Canadians are
very friendly, not racist at all.

1370
01:02:04,512 --> 01:02:06,513
That's not true.

1371
01:02:06,514 --> 01:02:08,349
Sean's a bit racist.

1372
01:02:08,350 --> 01:02:10,184
I say, "Sean,
you need to go to Asia"

1373
01:02:10,185 --> 01:02:12,603
and learn about our culture."

1374
01:02:12,604 --> 01:02:13,724
And he came back telling me.

1375
01:02:13,748 --> 01:02:15,814
He said, "Hey, Cherry,
it's true."

1376
01:02:15,815 --> 01:02:18,275
You Asian all look the same."

1377
01:02:18,276 --> 01:02:22,947
I'm like,
"Because you went to Korea."

1378
01:02:22,948 --> 01:02:24,388
My mom think
being a standup comedian

1379
01:02:24,412 --> 01:02:26,617
is the same as being
a prostitute.

1380
01:02:26,618 --> 01:02:29,495
Cherry Wong, everyone.
Isn't she lovely?

1381
01:02:29,496 --> 01:02:30,913
Cherry Wong, good job,

1382
01:02:30,914 --> 01:02:32,539
and look at this
transactionright here.

1383
01:02:32,540 --> 01:02:35,960
Bam, free drink, yeah.

1384
01:02:35,961 --> 01:02:39,213
It's kinda like a boy's club, but
it's fine.

1385
01:02:39,214 --> 01:02:42,299
Um, I'm just, uh,
concentrating on my stage time

1386
01:02:42,300 --> 01:02:44,718
and writing better jokes.

1387
01:02:44,719 --> 01:02:47,805
Yeah, my doctor told me I haveto
be angry or be depressed.

1388
01:02:47,806 --> 01:02:50,015
Um, the world's
so fucked up now,

1389
01:02:50,016 --> 01:02:52,226
if I tell people I'm
depressed, they'll say,

1390
01:02:52,227 --> 01:02:55,521
"Me, too," and start talking
about their own problems.

1391
01:02:55,522 --> 01:02:57,314
I cannot let that happen.

1392
01:02:57,315 --> 01:02:59,733
Yeah, I'm not funny.
I'm not funny.

1393
01:02:59,734 --> 01:03:02,319
Yeah, I just want
to make enemies

1394
01:03:02,320 --> 01:03:04,321
so we can hate each other.

1395
01:03:04,322 --> 01:03:08,325
Yeah, so I can hate myself less.

1396
01:03:08,326 --> 01:03:11,287
This is the one thing
that give you as a human being

1397
01:03:11,288 --> 01:03:14,790
a real power to like
saysomething that may matter,

1398
01:03:14,791 --> 01:03:18,752
like George Carlin,
like Bill Hicks.

1399
01:03:18,753 --> 01:03:20,462
What he said,
like, 20 years before,

1400
01:03:20,463 --> 01:03:22,840
still ring true on some level.

1401
01:03:22,841 --> 01:03:25,259
You can influence people
on that.

1402
01:03:25,260 --> 01:03:29,054
Like, you know,
make them less alone.

1403
01:03:29,055 --> 01:03:33,976
In Bill Hicks term less alone, or
they are more perceptive,

1404
01:03:33,977 --> 01:03:37,312
like, more perception
about the bullshit.

1405
01:03:37,313 --> 01:03:38,939
What else? Yeah, it's so tough

1406
01:03:38,940 --> 01:03:41,900
to live in Chinese, um,
to be a Chinese,

1407
01:03:41,901 --> 01:03:45,070
um, because we are
very family orientated.

1408
01:03:45,071 --> 01:03:49,867
Yeah, if they're not in a
family, fuck you, all right.

1409
01:03:49,868 --> 01:03:52,536
I always bomb.
I'm... I think I'm...

1410
01:03:52,537 --> 01:03:55,831
My bombed rate is kind of like

1411
01:03:55,832 --> 01:03:58,667
the highest among the people.

1412
01:03:58,668 --> 01:04:00,252
It's great to see you people out

1413
01:04:00,253 --> 01:04:01,693
sticking it out
through an open stage

1414
01:04:01,717 --> 01:04:04,006
'cause this is where
comedy starts and, uh,

1415
01:04:04,007 --> 01:04:05,887
some of these people
are gonna be fucking stars.

1416
01:04:05,911 --> 01:04:08,218
Can't tell you which one yet,

1417
01:04:08,219 --> 01:04:10,387
but they're gonna be stars.

1418
01:04:10,388 --> 01:04:14,933
With my past experience
and hopefully talking to all...

1419
01:04:14,934 --> 01:04:17,603
Bringing this tour
here this time...

1420
01:04:17,604 --> 01:04:18,979
Let them know that,

1421
01:04:18,980 --> 01:04:23,442
"Hey, standup comedy
can be at this level."

1422
01:04:23,443 --> 01:04:27,446
And make sure the comics and the
audience both look at this as a,

1423
01:04:27,447 --> 01:04:32,159
"Oh, this is one way
to look at comedy, too."

1424
01:04:32,160 --> 01:04:33,619
It's not showing off.

1425
01:04:33,620 --> 01:04:37,790
It is a culture crossover.

1426
01:04:37,791 --> 01:04:40,584
The headliners are
importantbecause it gives them

1427
01:04:40,585 --> 01:04:42,795
a view of where
they've got to go.

1428
01:04:42,796 --> 01:04:45,047
I mean, I've...
I've been to and performed on

1429
01:04:45,048 --> 01:04:46,888
some of the competitions
out here in past years

1430
01:04:46,912 --> 01:04:48,050
where you're like,

1431
01:04:48,051 --> 01:04:50,677
"Man, everybody had
a killer set tonight."

1432
01:04:50,678 --> 01:04:52,596
And you've got
the headliner who's doing

1433
01:04:52,597 --> 01:04:54,098
the ten minute interlude,

1434
01:04:54,099 --> 01:04:56,016
and you're like,
"There's a difference."

1435
01:04:56,017 --> 01:04:58,685
But to me what's more important

1436
01:04:58,686 --> 01:05:01,647
is how the Asia comedy scene

1437
01:05:01,648 --> 01:05:04,650
is gonna turn into
the next wave of...

1438
01:05:04,651 --> 01:05:08,362
Just turn into 2000 of U.S.

1439
01:05:08,363 --> 01:05:10,322
or 2010 U.S.

1440
01:05:10,323 --> 01:05:14,409
without going through
the downside of the '90s.

1441
01:05:14,410 --> 01:05:17,704
You know, the '90s is a
lostdecade for standup comedy.

1442
01:05:17,705 --> 01:05:22,334
If the comics are not ready
andyou sell it to another market,

1443
01:05:22,335 --> 01:05:25,170
you say, "Oh, this guy's
good," or, "This gal's great."

1444
01:05:25,171 --> 01:05:26,922
Yeah.

1445
01:05:26,923 --> 01:05:29,424
They only have ten,
and now they have to do 20.

1446
01:05:29,425 --> 01:05:31,051
Yeah.

1447
01:05:31,052 --> 01:05:32,427
That's what happened
in the '90s.

1448
01:05:32,428 --> 01:05:37,975
I think it was just
grow too fast, not enough talent

1449
01:05:37,976 --> 01:05:40,894
and try to grab your money
too fast

1450
01:05:40,895 --> 01:05:43,564
without carrying your product

1451
01:05:43,565 --> 01:05:45,149
or carrying your customers.

1452
01:05:45,150 --> 01:05:46,859
You got to do both.

1453
01:05:46,860 --> 01:05:49,278
You know, now you have
to look beyond just one year.

1454
01:05:49,279 --> 01:05:51,071
Right.

1455
01:05:51,072 --> 01:05:53,407
You know, look for
the three and five-year plan.

1456
01:05:53,408 --> 01:05:54,908
Be an Asia for a change.

1457
01:05:54,909 --> 01:05:57,077
You live in Asia long enough.

1458
01:05:57,078 --> 01:05:58,918
Tell me about the other
guysperforming with you

1459
01:05:58,919 --> 01:06:00,399
- if you would.
- Uh, oh, they're, um,

1460
01:06:00,423 --> 01:06:01,874
they're like me but not as good.

1461
01:06:01,875 --> 01:06:03,515
Deejay: That's right.
That's what I heard.

1462
01:06:03,539 --> 01:06:06,211
That's exactly what one
of the other fellows said.

1463
01:06:06,212 --> 01:06:09,214
Yeah, um, well,
it's, uh, Tom Segura, um,

1464
01:06:09,215 --> 01:06:12,426
he's a guy that I just met,
um, and he's, uh,

1465
01:06:12,427 --> 01:06:15,304
he's like a podcast legend
over in the United States.

1466
01:06:15,305 --> 01:06:19,057
Like a lot of people...
Like, he landed in Singapore,

1467
01:06:19,058 --> 01:06:21,059
and there was a guy
waiting for him there

1468
01:06:21,060 --> 01:06:22,436
that listens to his podcasts
in Singapore.

1469
01:06:22,437 --> 01:06:24,637
- Deejay: That's freaky though.
- Yeah, that's a little,

1470
01:06:24,661 --> 01:06:26,648
um, yeah, am I gonna end
up in your basement

1471
01:06:26,649 --> 01:06:28,650
chained to wall kind of stuff.

1472
01:06:28,651 --> 01:06:31,653
Uh, but then Chad Daniels and I

1473
01:06:31,654 --> 01:06:35,282
actually started in
comedy16-and-a-half years ago

1474
01:06:35,283 --> 01:06:38,285
in the same month as each
otherat Acme Comedy Club.

1475
01:06:38,286 --> 01:06:41,205
I'm a fan of Pete's,
but I haven't ever thought about

1476
01:06:41,206 --> 01:06:43,707
if we've progressed at the
samelevel or anything like that.

1477
01:06:43,708 --> 01:06:47,085
I think that we've both gotten
breaks, and I think that, uh,

1478
01:06:47,086 --> 01:06:49,504
Louis has kinda nurtured
the both of us.

1479
01:06:49,505 --> 01:06:52,257
Louis is like... we call him
comedy Yoda because he's...

1480
01:06:52,258 --> 01:06:54,843
He's a little dude,
and he just like...

1481
01:06:54,844 --> 01:06:56,929
He says very few words,

1482
01:06:56,930 --> 01:06:59,223
but what he says
is just so poignant.

1483
01:06:59,224 --> 01:07:01,104
You know, for a long time
Louis was sort of like

1484
01:07:01,128 --> 01:07:02,768
a disapproving father figure

1485
01:07:02,769 --> 01:07:04,311
that was also supportive.

1486
01:07:04,312 --> 01:07:06,647
You know, he would
tell me that... he's like,

1487
01:07:06,648 --> 01:07:08,398
"Your writing is strong."

1488
01:07:08,399 --> 01:07:10,817
He's like,
"Your stage presence sucks."

1489
01:07:10,818 --> 01:07:14,071
And I'd be like, "What do I
do to improve that, Louis?"

1490
01:07:14,072 --> 01:07:17,241
And he'd be like...
He'd be like, "Time."

1491
01:07:17,242 --> 01:07:19,076
So six months after I started,

1492
01:07:19,077 --> 01:07:21,078
I went to Grand Forks,
North Dakota

1493
01:07:21,079 --> 01:07:25,040
and did a house emcee,
um, gig there.

1494
01:07:25,041 --> 01:07:29,002
You took a job in, uh,
North Dakota.

1495
01:07:29,003 --> 01:07:31,713
Four nights a week,
uh, six shows a week,

1496
01:07:31,714 --> 01:07:35,884
karaoke you'd have to host after
the last show of every night.

1497
01:07:35,885 --> 01:07:38,220
And so it was...
It was hell kind of.

1498
01:07:38,221 --> 01:07:44,142
He just saw too many
small city headliners' act.

1499
01:07:44,143 --> 01:07:47,020
Then I moved back,
um, and I asked him.

1500
01:07:47,021 --> 01:07:49,022
I said, "Hey, I was
justwondering, you know",

1501
01:07:49,023 --> 01:07:50,649
I've been emceeing now
for a while.

1502
01:07:50,650 --> 01:07:53,860
I need to know, uh, what I nee...

1503
01:07:53,861 --> 01:07:56,071
"What I can do
to emcee your club."

1504
01:07:56,072 --> 01:07:59,950
I look at Chad and said,
"Look. I smell road."

1505
01:07:59,951 --> 01:08:02,327
I can smell the road
on you, you know.

1506
01:08:02,328 --> 01:08:04,830
You have to make it about you.

1507
01:08:04,831 --> 01:08:07,541
You have to make it real

1508
01:08:07,542 --> 01:08:10,294
because your emotions
have to connect to the material

1509
01:08:10,295 --> 01:08:12,087
or people can see
right through it.

1510
01:08:12,088 --> 01:08:15,757
I certainly think that

1511
01:08:15,758 --> 01:08:19,136
the best way to do comedy

1512
01:08:19,137 --> 01:08:21,305
is learn
how to listen to yourself

1513
01:08:21,306 --> 01:08:25,183
and write for yourself
instead of, you know,

1514
01:08:25,184 --> 01:08:27,769
I mean, I'm sure there are
tonsof people around you

1515
01:08:27,770 --> 01:08:29,187
that are gonna tell you,

1516
01:08:29,188 --> 01:08:31,315
"If you do this,
you're gonna kill."

1517
01:08:31,316 --> 01:08:34,109
Uh, it doesn't matter
whether you kill or not.

1518
01:08:34,110 --> 01:08:36,069
Are you writing for yourself?

1519
01:08:36,070 --> 01:08:39,740
We're also filming a
documentaryover here on this tour,

1520
01:08:39,741 --> 01:08:41,992
and I don't what...
I don't know if the documentary

1521
01:08:41,993 --> 01:08:43,410
is gonna be about us.

1522
01:08:43,411 --> 01:08:45,011
I don't know
if it's gonna be about Jami.

1523
01:08:45,012 --> 01:08:46,732
I don't know if it's
gonna be about Louis...

1524
01:08:46,756 --> 01:08:48,957
- Deejay: We'll wait and see.
- A combination of...

1525
01:08:48,958 --> 01:08:50,709
Yeah, documentaries end up...

1526
01:08:50,710 --> 01:08:53,212
The story ends up being told
in the editing, which is...

1527
01:08:57,550 --> 01:08:59,926
Before the set.

1528
01:08:59,927 --> 01:09:01,887
After the set.

1529
01:09:01,888 --> 01:09:04,765
Parents, make some noise.

1530
01:09:04,766 --> 01:09:07,434
Some unhappy parents.

1531
01:09:07,435 --> 01:09:08,852
But here in Hong Kong,
it's great.

1532
01:09:08,853 --> 01:09:11,063
Three year-olds,
they're great as you know.

1533
01:09:11,064 --> 01:09:14,232
Right now is the time to teach 'em
how to be more polite and courteous,

1534
01:09:14,233 --> 01:09:15,650
and here in Hong Kong,
it's great.

1535
01:09:15,651 --> 01:09:17,319
It's so easy.

1536
01:09:17,320 --> 01:09:19,154
All you have to do
is take your child

1537
01:09:19,155 --> 01:09:21,198
to Hong Kong Disneyland
on a Sunday.

1538
01:09:21,199 --> 01:09:24,368
Show 'em all
the Chinese mainlanders,

1539
01:09:24,369 --> 01:09:28,580
and tell 'em to do
everything opposite them.

1540
01:09:28,581 --> 01:09:31,666
Chinese mainlanders,
make some noise.

1541
01:09:31,667 --> 01:09:34,337
Good.

1542
01:09:39,175 --> 01:09:42,887
And if you are here and hiding,
this place is not for sale.

1543
01:09:44,722 --> 01:09:47,683
My first girlfriend
in college was black.

1544
01:09:47,684 --> 01:09:49,684
Yeah.

1545
01:09:49,685 --> 01:09:52,521
That happens.

1546
01:09:52,522 --> 01:09:54,202
We were making out one night, and
she said,

1547
01:09:54,226 --> 01:09:56,400
"Whisper something
crazy in my ear."

1548
01:09:56,401 --> 01:09:57,527
So I said,

1549
01:10:08,037 --> 01:10:12,499
And then she said, "Me neither."

1550
01:10:12,500 --> 01:10:14,918
And we laughed.

1551
01:10:14,919 --> 01:10:17,462
We dated for eight months,
and we are still friends.

1552
01:10:17,463 --> 01:10:19,703
Uh, and I think that's 'cause
we had great communication.

1553
01:10:19,727 --> 01:10:21,508
I always knew
when she was mad at me.

1554
01:10:21,509 --> 01:10:24,928
I'd say something,
and she'd go, "Mm-hm."

1555
01:10:24,929 --> 01:10:27,514
I'm like, "Okay, she did not
like what I just said,"

1556
01:10:27,515 --> 01:10:31,935
but it also sounded like
Jaws was right behind me.

1557
01:10:31,936 --> 01:10:34,020
Especially, she'd walked
at me, she be like,

1558
01:10:34,021 --> 01:10:38,859
"Mm-hmm, mm-hmm,
mm-hmm, mm-hmm."

1559
01:10:38,860 --> 01:10:42,362
Like, oh my God,
there's a shark behind me!

1560
01:10:42,363 --> 01:10:43,739
That's a very scary
situation to be in

1561
01:10:43,740 --> 01:10:45,820
'cause I don't know if
she was gonna jump in and help

1562
01:10:45,844 --> 01:10:48,430
'cause lots of black people
don't like to swim in the ocean.

1563
01:10:53,040 --> 01:10:54,416
No, you guys don't...

1564
01:10:54,417 --> 01:10:56,042
You're not okay with that
some of ya?

1565
01:10:56,043 --> 01:10:58,170
If you're black and you're
madthat I said that,

1566
01:10:58,171 --> 01:11:02,424
stop telling your white friends
stuff youdon't want them to repeat

1567
01:11:02,425 --> 01:11:05,886
because that is where
I got that information.

1568
01:11:05,887 --> 01:11:08,722
If you are white and you're nervous
that I said that, don't be.

1569
01:11:08,723 --> 01:11:11,141
I chose those words
very carefully.

1570
01:11:11,142 --> 01:11:13,560
I said "'lots' of black
people" not all.

1571
01:11:13,561 --> 01:11:19,399
I said "don't 'like' to swim
in the ocean" not can't.

1572
01:11:19,400 --> 01:11:22,777
All right, that would be racist.

1573
01:11:22,778 --> 01:11:27,908
If you are Asian or
Hispanic, mind your own business.

1574
01:11:27,909 --> 01:11:29,326
That wasn't about you.

1575
01:11:29,327 --> 01:11:31,995
Not everything's
always about you.

1576
01:11:31,996 --> 01:11:35,124
Some things
are black and white only.

1577
01:11:38,503 --> 01:11:40,545
By the fourth and fifth day,
it was like,

1578
01:11:40,546 --> 01:11:44,382
"Oh, I can do the stuff that I'm
actually doing right now back home,"

1579
01:11:44,383 --> 01:11:46,510
uh, but I didn't
start off like that.

1580
01:11:46,511 --> 01:11:49,054
I started off old stuff
and then changed

1581
01:11:49,055 --> 01:11:51,097
as the week progressed.

1582
01:11:51,098 --> 01:11:52,474
Interviewer: Right.
Well, I think that's normal

1583
01:11:52,475 --> 01:11:53,892
- for comics, too.
- Yeah.

1584
01:11:53,893 --> 01:11:55,493
Where their first hour
is sort of written

1585
01:11:55,517 --> 01:11:57,145
- to please people?
- Exactly.

1586
01:11:57,146 --> 01:11:58,772
And then your second hour
is written to please yourself.

1587
01:11:58,773 --> 01:12:00,816
Exactly. And that's
exactly what happened.

1588
01:12:00,817 --> 01:12:03,693
I love learning different
thingsabout different cultures.

1589
01:12:03,694 --> 01:12:05,529
Like, you know,
you're from America.

1590
01:12:05,530 --> 01:12:07,405
You always feel like,
"Oh, we're fucking...

1591
01:12:07,406 --> 01:12:10,784
Our big problem is race,
dealing with race and racism."

1592
01:12:10,785 --> 01:12:12,619
But you travel,
and you realize, "Oh, no."

1593
01:12:12,620 --> 01:12:14,788
Every race is racist."

1594
01:12:14,789 --> 01:12:17,082
Every race...
We're the best at it,

1595
01:12:17,083 --> 01:12:20,252
but every race is racist.

1596
01:12:20,253 --> 01:12:22,087
Who's super racist?

1597
01:12:22,088 --> 01:12:24,506
Asians against each other.
I didn't know about this.

1598
01:12:24,507 --> 01:12:26,508
It's a whole fucking hierarchy
I didn't know about.

1599
01:12:26,509 --> 01:12:29,094
Like, did you
know about that? No?

1600
01:12:29,095 --> 01:12:31,304
Did you know that it's true?
You do.

1601
01:12:31,305 --> 01:12:32,681
Did you learn it on this trip?

1602
01:12:32,682 --> 01:12:35,100
And now you feel better
about how racist you are or no?

1603
01:12:35,101 --> 01:12:36,352
Good.

1604
01:12:41,190 --> 01:12:43,567
Here's the order. Japanese,

1605
01:12:43,568 --> 01:12:46,611
they're like the
self-proclaimed Aryan nation

1606
01:12:46,612 --> 01:12:49,030
of your world, okay.

1607
01:12:49,031 --> 01:12:51,408
They're number one
in their eyes, which is weird,

1608
01:12:51,409 --> 01:12:53,034
because they have
blurry genitals.

1609
01:12:53,035 --> 01:12:55,788
And then...

1610
01:13:00,543 --> 01:13:02,168
Then there's a tie.

1611
01:13:02,169 --> 01:13:05,171
There's a tie for second place.
It's like 2A and 2B.

1612
01:13:05,172 --> 01:13:08,091
That's Chinese and Koreans.
Okay, that's the second.

1613
01:13:08,092 --> 01:13:11,177
And then everybody else,

1614
01:13:11,178 --> 01:13:15,098
everybody who's tan...

1615
01:13:15,099 --> 01:13:16,766
Thai and Vietnamese,

1616
01:13:16,767 --> 01:13:22,022
you guys are like, fuck you!

1617
01:13:22,023 --> 01:13:23,940
True or not?

1618
01:13:23,941 --> 01:13:27,944
- Woman: I'm American.
- You're American?

1619
01:13:27,945 --> 01:13:30,155
Okay. Where are your
mom and dad from?

1620
01:13:30,156 --> 01:13:32,365
You have American parents,
or are you one those like,

1621
01:13:32,366 --> 01:13:34,952
"Oh, that's cute.
Let's get one of those"?

1622
01:13:42,460 --> 01:13:44,461
From where I'm sitting,
I want one of those, too.

1623
01:13:44,462 --> 01:13:48,757
So just like...
I'll just tell you.

1624
01:13:48,758 --> 01:13:50,717
Woman: That's cute.
I'm the one of those.

1625
01:13:50,718 --> 01:13:53,554
You're... you're that's cute.
I want one of those?

1626
01:13:57,266 --> 01:14:00,268
So you have white parents?

1627
01:14:00,269 --> 01:14:02,438
Cool. All right.

1628
01:14:05,608 --> 01:14:07,984
- What's... what about you?
- Man: You're Korean.

1629
01:14:07,985 --> 01:14:09,819
You're Korean. That's good.

1630
01:14:09,820 --> 01:14:12,906
That's really high. That's like number two.
That's awesome.

1631
01:14:12,907 --> 01:14:16,701
That's really good.

1632
01:14:16,702 --> 01:14:18,328
- You're American?
- Yeah.

1633
01:14:18,329 --> 01:14:20,538
Yeah, but you're...
You're Korean American.

1634
01:14:20,539 --> 01:14:24,542
All right, let's fucking...
You know where you are, okay?

1635
01:14:24,543 --> 01:14:26,962
Do you hate Japanese people?

1636
01:14:26,963 --> 01:14:28,838
No? They fucking hate you.

1637
01:14:28,839 --> 01:14:31,091
A lot.

1638
01:14:31,092 --> 01:14:33,802
Very, very much.

1639
01:14:33,803 --> 01:14:36,179
Sex is the most insane thingthat
we do, right,

1640
01:14:36,180 --> 01:14:39,724
because it's the only thing we
do where we're making something

1641
01:14:39,725 --> 01:14:41,893
that we don't want to make.

1642
01:14:41,894 --> 01:14:43,978
Right? That's insane behavior.

1643
01:14:43,979 --> 01:14:46,459
That's like mixing up a bunch of
like, flour and sugar and milk

1644
01:14:46,460 --> 01:14:48,500
and eggs up in a pan
and the putting it in the oven,

1645
01:14:48,524 --> 01:14:50,568
and then like 45 minutes
later being like,

1646
01:14:50,569 --> 01:14:53,531
"Oh, thank God,
there's not a cake."

1647
01:15:02,456 --> 01:15:06,168
I... I don't know what we would have
done if there was a cake in there.

1648
01:15:13,509 --> 01:15:15,844
You know, and call me
immature, but I just...

1649
01:15:15,845 --> 01:15:19,013
I just wish that like... sex is the most
amazing thing in the world, right,

1650
01:15:19,014 --> 01:15:21,057
and I just wish
that something came out of sex

1651
01:15:21,058 --> 01:15:22,851
that was as amazing
as sex, right.

1652
01:15:22,852 --> 01:15:26,981
'Cause like sex is amazing
and like babies are not.

1653
01:15:28,733 --> 01:15:30,734
They're just not like I wishthat
you could have sex

1654
01:15:30,735 --> 01:15:32,402
and then nine months later
you'd be like,

1655
01:15:32,403 --> 01:15:33,779
"Oh my God an iPhone."

1656
01:15:41,162 --> 01:15:43,706
And it's not even weird
that it's black.

1657
01:15:46,460 --> 01:15:48,500
Thanks for coming. I appreciate
you guys being here.

1658
01:15:48,524 --> 01:15:50,545
- Thank you so much.
- I appreciate it.

1659
01:15:50,546 --> 01:15:52,756
- Hello.
- Thank you very much.

1660
01:15:52,757 --> 01:15:55,258
- Thank you, man, appreciate it.
- Thank you.

1661
01:15:55,259 --> 01:15:57,260
So far nobody's
wanted to fight us.

1662
01:15:57,261 --> 01:15:59,262
All right,
everybody get the fuck out!

1663
01:15:59,263 --> 01:16:00,638
Oh sorry,
that was for the cameras.

1664
01:16:00,639 --> 01:16:03,058
It was only for the cameras.

1665
01:16:03,059 --> 01:16:04,893
Louis?

1666
01:16:04,894 --> 01:16:07,437
French fries, the iPhone

1667
01:16:07,438 --> 01:16:11,524
and the thing about sexual
things being an iPhone.

1668
01:16:11,525 --> 01:16:12,942
- Oh yeah.
- Is... is...

1669
01:16:12,943 --> 01:16:15,487
completely ready for air.

1670
01:16:15,488 --> 01:16:17,088
- Oh, thank you.
- It's a late-night set.

1671
01:16:17,112 --> 01:16:18,990
You know that, right?

1672
01:16:18,991 --> 01:16:20,700
I was hoping, I mean,
like you saying that

1673
01:16:20,701 --> 01:16:22,368
makes me go, yeah,
but like I said, I...

1674
01:16:22,369 --> 01:16:24,129
- You absolutely have to.
- I just wrote that

1675
01:16:24,153 --> 01:16:25,371
within the last couple weeks.

1676
01:16:25,372 --> 01:16:26,956
- So like I...
- That's crazy.

1677
01:16:26,957 --> 01:16:28,583
- That's great.
- I'm still trying to get

1678
01:16:28,584 --> 01:16:30,001
- the timing right and stuff.
- It's totally ready.

1679
01:16:30,002 --> 01:16:31,522
- Oh, really?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1680
01:16:31,546 --> 01:16:33,379
Hey, it's right here,
the stairs are right...

1681
01:16:33,380 --> 01:16:36,091
Have a good one,
thanks for coming.

1682
01:16:36,092 --> 01:16:37,967
You're a dick.

1683
01:16:37,968 --> 01:16:40,386
- You're a dick.
- Chad: What an asshole.

1684
01:16:40,387 --> 01:16:42,180
Do you know
what I was thinking about,

1685
01:16:42,181 --> 01:16:44,098
watching the two of you,

1686
01:16:44,099 --> 01:16:47,102
it is literally
the opposite, like,

1687
01:16:47,103 --> 01:16:49,771
the opposite ends
of the spectrum of likeability,

1688
01:16:49,772 --> 01:16:52,398
like Chad is like

1689
01:16:52,399 --> 01:16:56,236
inherently unlikable on stage

1690
01:16:56,237 --> 01:16:58,404
and then you ooze likeability,

1691
01:16:58,405 --> 01:17:01,825
like people watch you like this,

1692
01:17:01,826 --> 01:17:04,577
and they watch Chad like...

1693
01:17:04,578 --> 01:17:06,830
We're busting each other's chops

1694
01:17:06,831 --> 01:17:09,874
just about as hard as
I've ever seen.

1695
01:17:09,875 --> 01:17:11,334
I mean, we've had a lot of fun.

1696
01:17:11,335 --> 01:17:13,920
It's so fun to fuckin'
break his balls.

1697
01:17:13,921 --> 01:17:15,922
It's the most fun I've had
in a long time.

1698
01:17:15,923 --> 01:17:17,723
Chad and Tom said
that they met on the flight,

1699
01:17:17,747 --> 01:17:19,092
but I felt like they were like

1700
01:17:19,093 --> 01:17:20,927
two peas in a pod
and really bonded.

1701
01:17:20,928 --> 01:17:22,804
It's cool because you
don't get to hang out

1702
01:17:22,805 --> 01:17:24,806
with like...
With headliners usually.

1703
01:17:24,807 --> 01:17:26,432
That's the thing you realize, you
know,

1704
01:17:26,433 --> 01:17:29,769
like you hang out with
your opening acts sometimes,

1705
01:17:29,770 --> 01:17:31,563
but like it's different

1706
01:17:31,564 --> 01:17:33,399
like hanging out
with like headliners.

1707
01:17:37,862 --> 01:17:41,406
Do you think if I fart
he'll kick us out of the cab?

1708
01:17:41,407 --> 01:17:43,241
I think I'll kick you out
of the cab.

1709
01:17:43,242 --> 01:17:47,412
Today Tom Segura and I went
to get our suits measured again

1710
01:17:47,413 --> 01:17:49,414
so the final fitting
or whatever.

1711
01:17:49,415 --> 01:17:52,834
I've like really
romanticized the idea

1712
01:17:52,835 --> 01:17:56,921
of having a tailor-made suit,

1713
01:17:56,922 --> 01:17:59,757
like it's... it's
borderline an obsession.

1714
01:17:59,758 --> 01:18:02,385
Um, and I don't wear suits,

1715
01:18:02,386 --> 01:18:04,470
so I don't know where the
fuckthis is coming from.

1716
01:18:04,471 --> 01:18:06,014
So you brought up
suits and stuff

1717
01:18:06,015 --> 01:18:07,640
- and I had no clue.
- Uh-huh.

1718
01:18:07,641 --> 01:18:09,642
But then yesterday
do you remember telling me

1719
01:18:09,643 --> 01:18:11,394
that you watched
a documentary about suits?

1720
01:18:11,395 --> 01:18:12,854
Yeah.

1721
01:18:12,855 --> 01:18:14,689
- And I was like...
- Just about tailors.

1722
01:18:14,690 --> 01:18:18,484
"Oh, you jerk off to suits.
So of course you like this."

1723
01:18:18,485 --> 01:18:20,486
Yeah.

1724
01:18:20,487 --> 01:18:21,821
Oh, here it is.

1725
01:18:21,822 --> 01:18:23,156
I'm a little nervous.

1726
01:18:23,157 --> 01:18:24,824
I did the thing
that you shouldn't do

1727
01:18:24,825 --> 01:18:26,492
which is I had a recommendation

1728
01:18:26,493 --> 01:18:28,620
of a proven place
that people have gone to

1729
01:18:28,621 --> 01:18:30,580
and I went to a place next door.

1730
01:18:30,581 --> 01:18:31,789
Hey, Danny, how are you?

1731
01:18:31,790 --> 01:18:33,249
- Good to see you.
- Thank you.

1732
01:18:33,250 --> 01:18:34,709
How are you? Good to see you.

1733
01:18:34,710 --> 01:18:36,377
Hong Kong is like one of the...

1734
01:18:36,378 --> 01:18:39,255
The world's leading, uh,

1735
01:18:39,256 --> 01:18:41,549
suit, shirt making,
tailor places

1736
01:18:41,550 --> 01:18:44,469
where it's like,
it's affordable.

1737
01:18:44,470 --> 01:18:45,887
You know, it's not cheap.

1738
01:18:45,888 --> 01:18:47,568
Yeah, it's one
of the biggest three, right?

1739
01:18:47,592 --> 01:18:51,184
Yeah, I think Savile Row in,
you know, London,

1740
01:18:51,185 --> 01:18:55,396
uh, Naples, Italy
and Hong Kong are like,

1741
01:18:55,397 --> 01:18:57,774
they have big, huge markets
for this stuff

1742
01:18:57,775 --> 01:19:00,276
so it's kind
of the thing that we...

1743
01:19:00,277 --> 01:19:02,117
One of the fun things to do
and all three of us

1744
01:19:02,141 --> 01:19:04,948
ended up doing it here
is getting our suits made.

1745
01:19:04,949 --> 01:19:07,867
- How do I not shoot heroin?
- That's incredible.

1746
01:19:07,868 --> 01:19:09,668
Isn't that not a great
entry point for heroin?

1747
01:19:09,692 --> 01:19:11,287
- Oh man.
- Look at that.

1748
01:19:11,288 --> 01:19:13,289
You'd think it was a night
crawler in my hand.

1749
01:19:13,290 --> 01:19:15,124
I got nothin' like that.
San Miguel.

1750
01:19:15,125 --> 01:19:17,127
- That is what's up, Danny.
- Ah, you know it.

1751
01:19:18,504 --> 01:19:20,797
- Danny.
- I'll do it in one round.

1752
01:19:20,798 --> 01:19:22,423
- Let me ask you something.
- Please.

1753
01:19:22,424 --> 01:19:24,384
How long have you
had this place?

1754
01:19:24,385 --> 01:19:28,137
Uh, I completed 40 years
and seven months.

1755
01:19:28,138 --> 01:19:29,722
40 years.

1756
01:19:29,723 --> 01:19:31,182
And seven months in that shop?

1757
01:19:31,183 --> 01:19:33,059
And when you got here
40 years ago

1758
01:19:33,060 --> 01:19:36,020
was there a big
establishment of, like,

1759
01:19:36,021 --> 01:19:38,106
were there a lot of tailorsdoing
this already?

1760
01:19:38,107 --> 01:19:40,066
- Oh, yes, there were...
- It was big already.

1761
01:19:40,067 --> 01:19:42,193
This tailoring has been here
for over 100 years.

1762
01:19:42,194 --> 01:19:43,528
- Really?
- Yes.

1763
01:19:43,529 --> 01:19:46,406
I romanticized the idea of like

1764
01:19:46,407 --> 01:19:50,410
the artists and workers,
you know,

1765
01:19:50,411 --> 01:19:53,246
sewing and then making
their adjustments.

1766
01:19:53,247 --> 01:19:56,416
Chad: "Especially made for Thomas W.
Segura,"

1767
01:19:56,417 --> 01:19:58,334
and it's the number of the suit.

1768
01:19:58,335 --> 01:20:00,753
Crazy, right?

1769
01:20:00,754 --> 01:20:02,213
- Sit down?
- Yes, please.

1770
01:20:02,214 --> 01:20:03,923
Sure.

1771
01:20:03,924 --> 01:20:06,004
Sir, if you could just lift
up little bit of your leg

1772
01:20:06,028 --> 01:20:07,468
and allow this
to be comfortable.

1773
01:20:07,469 --> 01:20:08,429
- No, here.
- Here?

1774
01:20:08,430 --> 01:20:09,721
- Yes, sir.
- Yeah?

1775
01:20:09,722 --> 01:20:11,723
Yeah, good.

1776
01:20:11,724 --> 01:20:12,891
Yeah?

1777
01:20:14,768 --> 01:20:17,437
Chad: You look like a
completelydifferent human being.

1778
01:20:17,438 --> 01:20:19,647
Like normally you look. May I?

1779
01:20:19,648 --> 01:20:21,233
- Yeah.
- Like a piece of shit.

1780
01:20:22,693 --> 01:20:24,861
You look like a street thug

1781
01:20:24,862 --> 01:20:26,779
and right now
it looks like you just

1782
01:20:26,780 --> 01:20:28,906
killed the boss
and now you're him.

1783
01:20:28,907 --> 01:20:30,200
I'm not kidding.

1784
01:20:37,166 --> 01:20:39,792
God, that is like,

1785
01:20:39,793 --> 01:20:42,421
it's manufactured
for your ass those pants.

1786
01:20:45,049 --> 01:20:46,841
It looks like a peach.

1787
01:20:49,219 --> 01:20:51,637
Yeah, I can see that, I mean,
I definitely have to like...

1788
01:20:51,638 --> 01:20:53,473
Yes, yes.

1789
01:20:53,474 --> 01:20:56,476
What it looks purportedly
I cut into the chest.

1790
01:20:56,477 --> 01:20:57,894
This has been taken in too much,

1791
01:20:57,895 --> 01:20:59,604
- it's tapered.
- Okay.

1792
01:20:59,605 --> 01:21:02,023
Hey, so out of Tom and I,

1793
01:21:02,024 --> 01:21:04,609
who did you think was gonna have
to get theirjacket made bigger?

1794
01:21:04,610 --> 01:21:06,361
Wow.

1795
01:21:06,362 --> 01:21:08,197
This is embarrassing.

1796
01:21:10,866 --> 01:21:12,784
Comic: The other
thing that happens

1797
01:21:12,785 --> 01:21:13,985
is that no matter what you say

1798
01:21:14,009 --> 01:21:17,580
they can't or won't understand.

1799
01:21:17,581 --> 01:21:20,041
Now I get into Fanling the other
night to the train station,

1800
01:21:20,042 --> 01:21:21,876
and get in a taxi
and I tell the guy

1801
01:21:21,877 --> 01:21:24,170
what I thought
was in good Cantonese

1802
01:21:24,171 --> 01:21:25,463
where I wanted to go.

1803
01:21:32,096 --> 01:21:33,638
Remember nine tones.

1804
01:21:33,639 --> 01:21:37,475
So I have to try
81 fucking tonal combinations

1805
01:21:37,476 --> 01:21:39,393
while it loads
in my Google maps.

1806
01:21:44,900 --> 01:21:47,819
As my local friends say,
uh, in fact,

1807
01:21:47,820 --> 01:21:49,987
it is because you
havemispronounced one of the...

1808
01:21:49,988 --> 01:21:53,408
Fuck you!

1809
01:21:53,409 --> 01:21:55,409
It was close enough.

1810
01:21:55,410 --> 01:21:58,871
This was an old-fashioned
ball breaking, plain and simple.

1811
01:21:58,872 --> 01:22:00,748
The equivalent would have been

1812
01:22:00,749 --> 01:22:03,292
if someone were to come
to New York City and say, uh,

1813
01:22:03,293 --> 01:22:05,128
Excuse me.

1814
01:22:05,129 --> 01:22:09,590
Can you tell me where
the 'Umpire' State Building is?

1815
01:22:09,591 --> 01:22:11,885
Never heard of it.

1816
01:22:14,221 --> 01:22:18,057
Uh, 'Umpire' State Building,
uh, very tall,

1817
01:22:18,058 --> 01:22:21,686
very famous building
in New York.

1818
01:22:21,687 --> 01:22:24,730
Never head of it.

1819
01:22:24,731 --> 01:22:27,775
Uh, 'Umpire' State Building,

1820
01:22:27,776 --> 01:22:29,735
uh, King Kong, uh,
climb to the top,

1821
01:22:29,736 --> 01:22:32,321
swatted down the airplanes.

1822
01:22:32,322 --> 01:22:33,739
Never heard of it.

1823
01:22:33,740 --> 01:22:37,368
Swatted down the airplanes.

1824
01:22:37,369 --> 01:22:39,579
Ball breaker.

1825
01:22:39,580 --> 01:22:42,790
Last night I went up and did
some material about my last name

1826
01:22:42,791 --> 01:22:45,793
which I thought, you know, talking
about being a Lee in Hong Kong

1827
01:22:45,794 --> 01:22:47,420
would be really funny to them.

1828
01:22:47,421 --> 01:22:49,130
And that was mildly funny
to them.

1829
01:22:49,131 --> 01:22:51,716
So tonight I'm gonna
adjust my flash

1830
01:22:51,717 --> 01:22:53,551
because now I'm learning.

1831
01:22:53,552 --> 01:22:56,804
Oh my God it's been so fun
to be in Hong Kong, right.

1832
01:22:56,805 --> 01:22:59,807
This city is amazing 'cause you
get to play my favorite game now

1833
01:22:59,808 --> 01:23:02,936
called "What's That Smell?"

1834
01:23:09,903 --> 01:23:12,383
It's a great game 'cause you're
walking around and you're like,

1835
01:23:12,384 --> 01:23:14,093
this smells great
and then you're like,

1836
01:23:14,094 --> 01:23:16,532
oh, God, everything changed.

1837
01:23:16,533 --> 01:23:18,284
Everything is worse.

1838
01:23:18,285 --> 01:23:20,996
Did that smell come from
Shirtless Man on Stairs?

1839
01:23:22,748 --> 01:23:24,916
Have you guys seen Shirtless
Man on Stairs down here?

1840
01:23:24,917 --> 01:23:27,418
It's like, just...

1841
01:23:27,419 --> 01:23:28,712
You're like,

1842
01:23:34,009 --> 01:23:36,093
Right, he's the most unhappy
manon the planet.

1843
01:23:36,094 --> 01:23:37,429
He's just...

1844
01:23:39,681 --> 01:23:43,100
One day I was eating
it 15 minutes in

1845
01:23:43,101 --> 01:23:45,478
and I just thought,
I'm done giving a shit.

1846
01:23:45,479 --> 01:23:47,563
Like I was just like,
oh these people don't like me.

1847
01:23:47,564 --> 01:23:49,357
And I was like, who cares?

1848
01:23:49,358 --> 01:23:50,983
You have friends.

1849
01:23:50,984 --> 01:23:52,624
It's not like
you're here to make friends,

1850
01:23:52,648 --> 01:23:54,987
be more honest and so I was,

1851
01:23:54,988 --> 01:23:56,906
and it started working better,

1852
01:23:56,907 --> 01:24:01,202
and so not caring
actually has helped me.

1853
01:24:01,203 --> 01:24:04,121
I'm a father,
that's exciting, right?

1854
01:24:04,122 --> 01:24:06,750
You guys are like,
oh, you are raising children?

1855
01:24:09,002 --> 01:24:11,003
Yeah, that's right. What's that?

1856
01:24:11,004 --> 01:24:15,633
Are they mine?

1857
01:24:15,634 --> 01:24:18,637
They are mine. I don't under...
I don't... why is that funny?

1858
01:24:21,390 --> 01:24:22,849
I don't get it.

1859
01:24:26,144 --> 01:24:28,304
Because some people back
therefucking started clapping,

1860
01:24:28,328 --> 01:24:31,274
like they thought you and I were
gonna go upstairs and fight.

1861
01:24:31,275 --> 01:24:34,527
I don't... Yeah, they
are mine, I, uh...

1862
01:24:34,528 --> 01:24:36,904
I had sex with a gal.

1863
01:24:36,905 --> 01:24:40,533
And then I got a back cramp,

1864
01:24:40,534 --> 01:24:42,244
and you can't pull out...

1865
01:24:45,956 --> 01:24:48,833
when you get a back cramp.

1866
01:24:48,834 --> 01:24:51,670
Are we all okay
with that explanation?

1867
01:24:55,299 --> 01:24:59,468
Right, like we were having
sex... sexual intercourse...

1868
01:24:59,469 --> 01:25:04,056
And then I was like,
I got three, three left, right,

1869
01:25:04,057 --> 01:25:06,100
and I was like one,
right, it was almost like

1870
01:25:06,101 --> 01:25:08,221
you're fucking gonna jump off
a building or something,

1871
01:25:08,245 --> 01:25:11,731
one, two, oh fuck my back!

1872
01:25:11,732 --> 01:25:14,191
And then it was over
and then I had a baby.

1873
01:25:14,192 --> 01:25:15,735
And I yelled at her, I was like,

1874
01:25:15,736 --> 01:25:17,820
get out from under me
and jump up and down,

1875
01:25:17,821 --> 01:25:19,405
fuck, help, please.

1876
01:25:19,406 --> 01:25:22,033
We need a chiropractor
and a hanger now.

1877
01:25:26,747 --> 01:25:29,166
No, no abortion jokes?

1878
01:25:30,625 --> 01:25:33,378
No abortion jokes in China.
Is that right?

1879
01:25:35,756 --> 01:25:38,382
No, don't allow it.

1880
01:25:38,383 --> 01:25:40,051
What if I told you
it was a girl?

1881
01:25:40,052 --> 01:25:42,136
Would that change your mind?

1882
01:25:42,137 --> 01:25:44,180
Boo?

1883
01:25:44,181 --> 01:25:47,391
Yeah, I fucking, I'm your
government, let's go, ready?

1884
01:25:47,392 --> 01:25:49,769
I'm the government.
Yell, everybody yell at once.

1885
01:25:49,770 --> 01:25:52,438
Suck my fucking dick.

1886
01:25:52,439 --> 01:25:53,647
Seriously.

1887
01:25:53,648 --> 01:25:55,483
Boo.

1888
01:25:55,484 --> 01:25:58,069
There's a lot of emotion in
Chadwhen he's on stage

1889
01:25:58,070 --> 01:26:02,323
and I love that and I think
it's brilliant and super funny.

1890
01:26:02,324 --> 01:26:05,076
I enjoy that he
harnesses his anger

1891
01:26:05,077 --> 01:26:08,330
and... and just unleashes it
with an outlet.

1892
01:26:10,165 --> 01:26:11,685
My favorite part
about this trip so far

1893
01:26:11,709 --> 01:26:13,918
is gonna be watching the footage

1894
01:26:13,919 --> 01:26:16,479
from when I just said "suck my
fucking dick" and you guys laughed

1895
01:26:16,503 --> 01:26:19,965
and we're all pretending
you know I was kidding.

1896
01:26:19,966 --> 01:26:22,843
And then watching my face
in slow motion go from

1897
01:26:22,844 --> 01:26:24,720
fucking pure inner rage

1898
01:26:24,721 --> 01:26:26,973
to all right, I'd better smile.

1899
01:26:30,560 --> 01:26:32,561
Sorry about Chad, everybody.

1900
01:26:32,562 --> 01:26:34,106
Um...

1901
01:26:36,483 --> 01:26:38,109
It's kind of
a work release program.

1902
01:26:38,110 --> 01:26:40,111
You know how many...

1903
01:26:40,112 --> 01:26:43,531
You know how many prisons
we have back home, right?

1904
01:26:43,532 --> 01:26:46,784
It's part of his probation so.

1905
01:26:46,785 --> 01:26:49,203
You guys are good sports,
really good sports, thanks.

1906
01:26:49,204 --> 01:26:50,621
- Thanks.
- Yeah, thanks.

1907
01:26:50,622 --> 01:26:52,081
Thanks, brilliant. Loved it.

1908
01:26:52,082 --> 01:26:55,751
Thank you.

1909
01:26:55,752 --> 01:26:58,421
Yay! Thank you.

1910
01:26:58,422 --> 01:27:00,840
- You met him before so he...
- Yeah, right.

1911
01:27:00,841 --> 01:27:02,508
He is from the Ivory Coast.

1912
01:27:02,509 --> 01:27:04,927
He's a real refugee
here in Hong Kong

1913
01:27:04,928 --> 01:27:08,013
that a mutual friend of
oursintroduced us that he,

1914
01:27:08,014 --> 01:27:10,933
uh, needs some help...
Get some confidence.

1915
01:27:10,934 --> 01:27:12,518
This is what we do.

1916
01:27:12,519 --> 01:27:14,119
He's already performed
for over a year...

1917
01:27:14,143 --> 01:27:16,230
To gain the confidence
to have him develop

1918
01:27:16,231 --> 01:27:18,816
into now such
a funny, funny comedian

1919
01:27:18,817 --> 01:27:21,402
when he couldn't have dreamed
of being this,

1920
01:27:21,403 --> 01:27:23,404
- this is what we do.
- Oh, that's great.

1921
01:27:23,405 --> 01:27:26,198
And he has a great,
great style sense.

1922
01:27:29,161 --> 01:27:30,619
15 year-old, he's a comedian.

1923
01:27:30,620 --> 01:27:32,163
Wow.

1924
01:27:32,164 --> 01:27:34,540
15 years, have been
performingfor five year already.

1925
01:27:34,541 --> 01:27:37,502
Holy shit. You guys were
all... blew my mind.

1926
01:27:42,841 --> 01:27:45,843
And it's good to see
some of you guys performing.

1927
01:27:45,844 --> 01:27:48,304
We learned a lot from you.
Thank you so much.

1928
01:27:48,305 --> 01:27:50,139
Yeah, thanks for having us,
for real, yeah.

1929
01:27:50,140 --> 01:27:51,557
We appreciate it.
It was really...

1930
01:27:51,558 --> 01:27:54,268
You guys were super gracious
and hospitable all week

1931
01:27:54,269 --> 01:27:55,478
so thanks for everything, man.

1932
01:27:55,479 --> 01:27:57,396
It's a pleasure.
It's a pleasure.

1933
01:27:57,397 --> 01:27:58,837
And you're welcome
to Macau tomorrow.

1934
01:27:58,861 --> 01:28:01,650
Tom: On Sunday the
last day of the tour,

1935
01:28:01,651 --> 01:28:03,444
we all met up at
the Hong Kong Ferry Terminal

1936
01:28:03,445 --> 01:28:06,281
to catch the one
o'clockhydrofoil to Macau.

1937
01:28:08,533 --> 01:28:10,784
Please spread the word
about TakeOut Comedy,

1938
01:28:10,785 --> 01:28:12,905
about what we're doing...
I get emails all the time...

1939
01:28:12,929 --> 01:28:16,540
If someone says,
"Oh, Tom Segura recommended me,"

1940
01:28:16,541 --> 01:28:19,543
I would email them
and I will always email you.

1941
01:28:19,544 --> 01:28:21,253
Chad: Okay, that's cool.

1942
01:28:21,254 --> 01:28:23,574
And you gotta be... just bestraight
out with me, yes or no,

1943
01:28:23,598 --> 01:28:26,217
'cause I get emails
all the time from comics and...

1944
01:28:26,218 --> 01:28:28,177
Chad: I'm not gonna
give anybody your name

1945
01:28:28,178 --> 01:28:32,182
'cause then it's gonna lessen
the chance of me coming back.

1946
01:28:34,309 --> 01:28:36,060
Pete: You know how you guys, um,

1947
01:28:36,061 --> 01:28:38,062
you know how you two
seem to have bonded, like,

1948
01:28:38,063 --> 01:28:40,898
harder than I've seem to
have bonded with you guys?

1949
01:28:40,899 --> 01:28:42,691
No, I don't.
I don't notice that.

1950
01:28:42,692 --> 01:28:44,532
- No, like, I feel like...
- I picked up on it.

1951
01:28:44,556 --> 01:28:46,987
I feel like you guys, like,
I feel like we've all bonded.

1952
01:28:46,988 --> 01:28:49,406
And I really wanted to bond...
You and I already have a bond

1953
01:28:49,407 --> 01:28:51,408
from years
and years ago where, like,

1954
01:28:51,409 --> 01:28:55,120
I feel like the bond of you twois
just like insane, you know,

1955
01:28:55,121 --> 01:28:56,997
and like, 'cause you went
to get suits together

1956
01:28:56,998 --> 01:28:58,624
and you almost died
in that alley.

1957
01:28:58,625 --> 01:29:00,209
No, there's, um...

1958
01:29:00,210 --> 01:29:02,294
You're... you're... you're
notgiving fair to the fact

1959
01:29:02,295 --> 01:29:04,213
that you brought your spouse.

1960
01:29:04,214 --> 01:29:05,589
Yeah, it ruined everything.

1961
01:29:05,590 --> 01:29:07,550
Not... you didn't ruin anything

1962
01:29:07,551 --> 01:29:10,135
for having a companion
for your trip.

1963
01:29:10,136 --> 01:29:12,137
You have a companion
for your trip.

1964
01:29:12,138 --> 01:29:14,974
Like just from Macau,
should I get rid of Jami.

1965
01:29:14,975 --> 01:29:17,853
I mean, if you want
the last day to be awesome.

1966
01:29:19,479 --> 01:29:20,896
Rose, right?

1967
01:29:20,897 --> 01:29:22,731
Yeah, dude,
you know the expression.

1968
01:29:22,732 --> 01:29:26,652
- Yeah.
- Fuck your wife.

1969
01:29:26,653 --> 01:29:30,114
Tom: Macau was a colony of
Portugalfor well over a century

1970
01:29:30,115 --> 01:29:32,658
before being handed back
to the Chinese in 1999.

1971
01:29:32,659 --> 01:29:35,119
You can still see Portuguesearchitecture
all over the place

1972
01:29:35,120 --> 01:29:38,706
along with what seems to be
a Nevada influence.

1973
01:29:38,707 --> 01:29:42,459
Tonight's show is at
the MGM Grand in the Lounge.

1974
01:29:42,460 --> 01:29:45,588
- There's a big bus over here guys.
- Where's our bag?

1975
01:29:45,589 --> 01:29:48,509
We're kind of like New York City and
Boston in the '80s, I guess '70s now.

1976
01:29:48,533 --> 01:29:49,800
So that's why we're so excited.

1977
01:29:49,801 --> 01:29:51,635
Ten years from now
that's where we'll be.

1978
01:29:51,636 --> 01:29:54,513
Right, but, you know,

1979
01:29:54,514 --> 01:29:57,391
you have to be careful

1980
01:29:57,392 --> 01:29:59,935
because U.S. '80s... boom!

1981
01:29:59,936 --> 01:30:01,770
- '90s go down.
- Yes, I agree.

1982
01:30:01,771 --> 01:30:04,231
Because the quality is not there

1983
01:30:04,232 --> 01:30:07,067
and because nobody is trying
to nurture new comics

1984
01:30:07,068 --> 01:30:09,069
and then you have
too many rooms...

1985
01:30:09,070 --> 01:30:11,280
That's what I'm trying
to do, all that... yeah.

1986
01:30:11,281 --> 01:30:14,491
So, you know, we gotta becareful
about that, you know.

1987
01:30:14,492 --> 01:30:17,244
You money grab,
the money will go fast.

1988
01:30:17,245 --> 01:30:20,831
Don't grab the money,
grab the talent.

1989
01:30:20,832 --> 01:30:22,499
The money will come.
The money will come.

1990
01:30:22,500 --> 01:30:23,900
The money will come
sooner or later.

1991
01:30:23,924 --> 01:30:25,961
It doesn't matter.
Don't count on it, you know?

1992
01:30:25,962 --> 01:30:27,463
You're right. You're right.

1993
01:30:27,464 --> 01:30:29,256
You know, we gonna,

1994
01:30:29,257 --> 01:30:31,216
you know, you don't count
your money when...

1995
01:30:31,217 --> 01:30:33,093
When you're gambling.

1996
01:30:33,094 --> 01:30:34,934
Pete: I always see stuff
like this where, like,

1997
01:30:34,935 --> 01:30:37,015
some comedian will be
standing in front of their sign

1998
01:30:37,039 --> 01:30:39,433
to Vegas, but like I never
like it on Facebook

1999
01:30:39,434 --> 01:30:41,060
'cause I'm like,
you're just an asshole.

2000
01:30:41,061 --> 01:30:42,895
Well, I just want to make
itclear of doing it,

2001
01:30:42,896 --> 01:30:45,606
I... I... I don't care.
This is not for me.

2002
01:30:45,607 --> 01:30:48,025
- I'm doing this for...
- We're doing it...

2003
01:30:48,026 --> 01:30:49,443
I hope we're doing it for him.

2004
01:30:49,444 --> 01:30:51,445
Like he wants it.
I don't want it.

2005
01:30:51,446 --> 01:30:54,657
We're doing it so that
Jamie can document the...

2006
01:30:54,658 --> 01:30:56,450
There I am, the face of Macau.

2007
01:30:56,451 --> 01:30:58,994
I don't know, man.

2008
01:30:58,995 --> 01:31:01,373
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

2009
01:31:10,548 --> 01:31:12,174
Don't think,
uh, we didn't notice

2010
01:31:12,175 --> 01:31:14,551
that you had that poster
made out front.

2011
01:31:14,552 --> 01:31:16,971
That's the Pete Lee show
with the background singers.

2012
01:31:16,972 --> 01:31:18,972
Tom and fucking Chad.
This is it.

2013
01:31:18,973 --> 01:31:21,977
This is the poster
and then we're like...

2014
01:31:24,187 --> 01:31:28,023
Today is, um, the lost stop
of your, of your tour.

2015
01:31:28,024 --> 01:31:31,610
So how do you feel so far
of your Asian tour?

2016
01:31:31,611 --> 01:31:33,445
- Feels amazing.
- Yeah?

2017
01:31:33,446 --> 01:31:37,324
Yeah, not only have the
showsbeen incredible,

2018
01:31:37,325 --> 01:31:43,122
which was a surprise to learn that
we're funny over in Asia, too?

2019
01:31:43,123 --> 01:31:46,834
Um, but just everything

2020
01:31:46,835 --> 01:31:50,671
that my eyes have seen so farhas
been incredible.

2021
01:31:50,672 --> 01:31:53,507
It's almost like I loaned
my eyes out to someone else

2022
01:31:53,508 --> 01:31:55,008
and got to see everything

2023
01:31:55,009 --> 01:31:57,636
of like a world traveler
would see.

2024
01:31:57,637 --> 01:31:58,929
Okay.

2025
01:31:58,930 --> 01:32:00,222
- Chad?
- I haven't...

2026
01:32:00,223 --> 01:32:02,599
I haven't left my hotel room.

2027
01:32:02,600 --> 01:32:05,018
I've been watching
a lot of American movies

2028
01:32:05,019 --> 01:32:09,606
and I wish that I could
rent out Pete Lee's eyes

2029
01:32:09,607 --> 01:32:12,735
to see the world
as a world traveler.

2030
01:32:12,736 --> 01:32:14,361
- Tom: I'm tired.
- Yeah?

2031
01:32:14,362 --> 01:32:16,822
I'm very tired.
I am still tired.

2032
01:32:16,823 --> 01:32:19,158
I've been very tried
the entire time.

2033
01:32:19,159 --> 01:32:20,826
- The entire time?
- The entire time.

2034
01:32:20,827 --> 01:32:22,619
- Even on the stage?
- On stage, off stage,

2035
01:32:22,620 --> 01:32:24,246
- right now.
- Right now.

2036
01:32:24,247 --> 01:32:27,750
I'm very, very tired,
but I've had the best time.

2037
01:32:27,751 --> 01:32:29,334
It's been an amazing experience.

2038
01:32:29,335 --> 01:32:32,463
I mean, I would have
liked to do it alone,

2039
01:32:32,464 --> 01:32:33,922
but I still
even with these guys,

2040
01:32:33,923 --> 01:32:37,259
it was still...
Still an experience.

2041
01:32:37,260 --> 01:32:39,845
Guys, you cannot buy
your girlfriend a dildo

2042
01:32:39,846 --> 01:32:43,849
that's bigger than you.

2043
01:32:43,850 --> 01:32:47,394
That's just paying money
to emasculate yourself.

2044
01:32:47,395 --> 01:32:50,898
You can't buy your girlfriend
a dildo that's smaller than you.

2045
01:32:50,899 --> 01:32:53,317
That's just a shitty gift.

2046
01:32:53,318 --> 01:32:56,153
So really it's a snatch 22.

2047
01:32:59,282 --> 01:33:03,076
Not quite laughter,
but I'll take, "Ahhh!"

2048
01:33:03,077 --> 01:33:04,495
Tom: To put it in gambling terms

2049
01:33:04,496 --> 01:33:06,789
a Sunday night show
in a casino lounge

2050
01:33:06,790 --> 01:33:08,957
in a foreign country
is pretty much

2051
01:33:08,958 --> 01:33:10,918
the hell gig trifecta,

2052
01:33:10,919 --> 01:33:13,039
but that doesn't mean
there wasn't some fun to be had.

2053
01:33:13,063 --> 01:33:15,506
I'm American.

2054
01:33:15,507 --> 01:33:18,258
Uh, you can probably tellbecause
I'm thin.

2055
01:33:18,259 --> 01:33:20,637
Oh.

2056
01:33:22,388 --> 01:33:23,806
I, uh,

2057
01:33:23,807 --> 01:33:28,728
I finally played golf
and beat my wife.

2058
01:33:31,397 --> 01:33:33,858
Those are two separatesentences.

2059
01:33:37,111 --> 01:33:39,988
I got home and she was like,
uh, were you playing golf?

2060
01:33:39,989 --> 01:33:42,158
And I just lost my fucking mind.

2061
01:33:44,494 --> 01:33:45,911
I'm dressed like an asshole,

2062
01:33:45,912 --> 01:33:47,788
what the fuck
do you think lady, Jesus?

2063
01:33:47,789 --> 01:33:51,416
Segura going up
and doing my first joke

2064
01:33:51,417 --> 01:33:54,628
and Pete Lee's first joke

2065
01:33:54,629 --> 01:33:57,631
combined with Pete's look,
the look on Pete's face

2066
01:33:57,632 --> 01:33:59,216
when he realized
what he was doing

2067
01:33:59,217 --> 01:34:01,051
is one of the funnier
things I've seen,

2068
01:34:01,052 --> 01:34:03,220
and I was already laughing
at the fact

2069
01:34:03,221 --> 01:34:05,301
that Tom was doing it
and then I looked at Pete like,

2070
01:34:05,325 --> 01:34:07,182
isn't this funny?

2071
01:34:07,183 --> 01:34:09,663
And he was so mad that that just
made me almostshit in my pants

2072
01:34:09,687 --> 01:34:11,061
I was laughing so hard.

2073
01:34:11,062 --> 01:34:13,313
And thank you guys,
this is my last show in Asia,

2074
01:34:13,314 --> 01:34:15,107
um, and, uh, thank you guys,

2075
01:34:15,108 --> 01:34:16,988
uh, thank you guys
for being such a great crowd.

2076
01:34:17,012 --> 01:34:20,015
I appreciate you guys,
thank you, thank you guys.

2077
01:34:21,030 --> 01:34:22,698
Yeah.

2078
01:34:22,699 --> 01:34:25,200
Man: Yeah!

2079
01:34:25,201 --> 01:34:28,036
That was Tom.

2080
01:34:28,037 --> 01:34:31,958
He was like, stay!
I'm like, fuck you.

2081
01:34:34,505 --> 01:34:36,545
I don't know if you guys
knowwhat Tom did out front,

2082
01:34:36,546 --> 01:34:39,173
but he went up and did Chad
and I's opening jokes,

2083
01:34:39,174 --> 01:34:42,510
that like, make the crowd
love us and he's an asshole.

2084
01:34:44,262 --> 01:34:46,889
Like he took away our spark
at the beginning of the show

2085
01:34:46,890 --> 01:34:49,892
so we both have to come up
herewith our dick in our hand

2086
01:34:49,893 --> 01:34:52,895
and be like, I don't know
what I'm gonna open with.

2087
01:34:52,896 --> 01:34:55,856
So if you see him later
punch him in his dick,

2088
01:34:55,857 --> 01:34:58,525
but, like, punch a lot
'cause it's small.

2089
01:35:02,572 --> 01:35:04,949
Keep it going
for Pete Lee everybody.

2090
01:35:07,869 --> 01:35:09,703
And Tom Segura.

2091
01:35:09,704 --> 01:35:11,330
Man: Yay.

2092
01:35:11,331 --> 01:35:14,958
Yep, that was
the right response.

2093
01:35:14,959 --> 01:35:17,085
Tom wasn't supposed
to be on this tour,

2094
01:35:17,086 --> 01:35:20,048
but he had to leave Americabecause
he raped a waitress.

2095
01:35:22,467 --> 01:35:25,928
So he's actually
running from the law.

2096
01:35:25,929 --> 01:35:30,058
Well, not running, I mean you
saw him, he doesn't run.

2097
01:35:33,603 --> 01:35:37,189
He's eating from the law.

2098
01:35:37,190 --> 01:35:39,608
Tom: Probably a good thing the
tourdidn't go another night

2099
01:35:39,609 --> 01:35:41,735
or things might have
started to get harsh.

2100
01:35:41,736 --> 01:35:43,278
This is such
a great night, folks.

2101
01:35:43,279 --> 01:35:45,479
This is the biggest crowd
we've ever had over two years,

2102
01:35:45,503 --> 01:35:47,908
so I'm gonna take a littlepanoramic
picture, everyone.

2103
01:35:47,909 --> 01:35:49,829
So everyone put your hands
up, put your hands up,

2104
01:35:49,853 --> 01:35:51,787
put your hands up.

2105
01:35:51,788 --> 01:35:55,207
You know for me, I don't know
what happens in the future.

2106
01:35:55,208 --> 01:35:58,043
I'm just so glad
that we were somehow

2107
01:35:58,044 --> 01:36:00,504
part of the history
of stand-up comedy in Asia.

2108
01:36:00,505 --> 01:36:03,591
Don't move, don't move,
don't move.

2109
01:36:05,551 --> 01:36:07,844
Yay!

2110
01:36:07,845 --> 01:36:09,680
Tom: You're so lucky
to be able to...

2111
01:36:09,681 --> 01:36:13,183
To get on a plane
and just talk about your dick

2112
01:36:13,184 --> 01:36:15,477
in a different continent,
you know.

2113
01:36:15,478 --> 01:36:17,604
Everyone have a good time?

2114
01:36:17,605 --> 01:36:21,191
Please, one more big hand
for Tom Segura, Pete Lee

2115
01:36:21,192 --> 01:36:22,317
and Chad Daniels.

2116
01:36:22,318 --> 01:36:24,027
Come on up here,
come on up here.

2117
01:36:24,028 --> 01:36:27,322
I think that I now know
that I can do comedy anywhere

2118
01:36:27,323 --> 01:36:29,199
and it's gonna be fine.

2119
01:36:29,200 --> 01:36:31,201
It was...
It was just a great time.

2120
01:36:31,202 --> 01:36:33,412
It was definitely, like,
leaving summer camp for sure.

2121
01:36:33,413 --> 01:36:35,080
When I got off the plane
I was just like,

2122
01:36:35,081 --> 01:36:36,707
where are you guys...?

2123
01:36:36,708 --> 01:36:38,500
My dad's here to pick me up.

2124
01:36:38,501 --> 01:36:42,004
On the way back
I feel like energized

2125
01:36:42,005 --> 01:36:45,215
and... and this is, you know,

2126
01:36:45,216 --> 01:36:47,926
exactly what I done
for other people,

2127
01:36:47,927 --> 01:36:52,639
uh, what I envisioned
I do to myself.

2128
01:36:52,640 --> 01:36:54,474
You guys are the best.

2129
01:36:54,475 --> 01:36:59,480
♪♪