1 00:01:41,049 --> 00:01:43,767 MAN: Yo, not gonna lie. 2 00:01:43,769 --> 00:01:46,168 - This sound... - (COMPUTER CHIMES) 3 00:01:46,170 --> 00:01:48,952 ...gets me hard as a fucking rock. 4 00:01:50,743 --> 00:01:54,486 But I don't like to go too fast right off the bat. 5 00:01:54,488 --> 00:01:59,445 I'd rather work my way into it, nice and easy. 6 00:01:59,447 --> 00:02:02,005 So I'll start off with some stills. 7 00:02:04,246 --> 00:02:07,252 Then, once I'm getting into it, 8 00:02:07,254 --> 00:02:09,172 I start looking for a video. 9 00:02:11,221 --> 00:02:15,955 I never actually touch my cock till I find the right clip. 10 00:02:15,957 --> 00:02:17,811 Then, once I do... 11 00:02:17,813 --> 00:02:20,306 ...goodbye. 12 00:02:20,308 --> 00:02:23,955 For the next few minutes, all the bullshit fades away, 13 00:02:23,956 --> 00:02:28,081 and the only thing in the world is those tits... 14 00:02:28,083 --> 00:02:30,257 ...that ass... 15 00:02:30,259 --> 00:02:32,306 ...the blowjob, the cowboy, 16 00:02:32,308 --> 00:02:34,736 the doggy, the moneyshot, and that's it. 17 00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:36,112 I don't gotta say anything, 18 00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:37,968 I don't gotta do anything. 19 00:02:37,970 --> 00:02:41,775 I just fucking lose myself. 20 00:02:44,177 --> 00:02:47,982 There's only a few things I really care about in life. 21 00:02:49,359 --> 00:02:51,022 My body... 22 00:02:51,439 --> 00:02:52,942 ...my pad... 23 00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:55,021 ...my ride... 24 00:02:56,974 --> 00:02:58,733 ...my family... 25 00:02:58,735 --> 00:02:59,853 Amen. 26 00:02:59,855 --> 00:03:01,740 ...my church... 27 00:03:01,742 --> 00:03:03,852 - ...my boys... - (ALL YELLING) 28 00:03:05,613 --> 00:03:08,107 ...my girls... 29 00:03:08,781 --> 00:03:12,108 (WOMEN MOANING) 30 00:03:12,110 --> 00:03:14,379 ...and my porn. 31 00:03:14,381 --> 00:03:17,450 I know that last one sounds weird, but I'm just being honest. 32 00:03:17,452 --> 00:03:20,874 Nothing else does it for me the same way. Not even real pussy. 33 00:03:20,876 --> 00:03:22,985 And, yo, I get plenty of that. 34 00:03:22,987 --> 00:03:25,129 Why you think my boys call me The Don? 35 00:03:25,131 --> 00:03:27,497 - Jonny-Boy! - Don Jon, what's good, baby? 36 00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:29,289 - What up? I'm all right. - You good? 37 00:03:29,291 --> 00:03:31,368 Jonny, look at me. Everything good with you? 38 00:03:31,370 --> 00:03:33,192 - What's the matter with this guy? - Come here, you animal! 39 00:03:33,194 --> 00:03:37,287 - Get the fuck off of me! - Real talk, real talk. Purple. 40 00:03:37,289 --> 00:03:39,783 - That's not bad. - It's better than "not bad." 41 00:03:39,785 --> 00:03:41,831 - You ain't see her turn around. - You calling her a seven? 42 00:03:41,833 --> 00:03:43,654 - An eight. At least an eight. - That is not an eight. 43 00:03:43,656 --> 00:03:45,542 She's cute in the face, you can maybe call the face 44 00:03:45,544 --> 00:03:47,719 - an eight, tits are a four. - Yeah, but the butt, man, 45 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:50,310 it's exceptional. I'm telling you. It changes everything. 46 00:03:50,312 --> 00:03:51,845 - Shit! - What? 47 00:03:51,847 --> 00:03:54,342 - Sequins. Don't look. Don't look. - What? Who is that? 48 00:03:54,344 --> 00:03:56,484 - You don't remember her? - She's coming over here. 49 00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:58,724 'Cause you're staring right at her. 50 00:03:58,726 --> 00:04:01,508 - (HIP-HOP PLAYS) - WOMAN: Look who the fuck it is. 51 00:04:01,510 --> 00:04:03,171 - How you doing? - Why didn't you call me back? 52 00:04:03,173 --> 00:04:05,412 Come on. You're a grown woman. 53 00:04:05,414 --> 00:04:07,684 Did you think I was gonna call you back? 54 00:04:07,686 --> 00:04:11,554 You're pathetic, you know that? Every week you got a new bitch. 55 00:04:12,611 --> 00:04:15,619 Then why'd you come home with me? 56 00:04:15,621 --> 00:04:17,282 Fuck you! 57 00:04:17,284 --> 00:04:19,458 - Eight. - No, that might be a nine. 58 00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:21,601 - You shitting me? That's a seven. - You're out of your mind! 59 00:04:21,603 --> 00:04:24,128 I gave you the eight, your record's intact. Chill out. 60 00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:25,888 You heard what she said? Everyone knows about the streak. 61 00:04:25,890 --> 00:04:27,808 - You're sick. You know that? - I don't know 62 00:04:27,810 --> 00:04:29,024 - what's wrong with me. - Oh, my... damn! 63 00:04:29,026 --> 00:04:31,168 - What? What? Where? - Red. 64 00:04:31,169 --> 00:04:34,048 - Holy shit! That's a dime. - That is a dime. 65 00:04:34,049 --> 00:04:35,872 Nah, she's hot, but it's not a dime. 66 00:04:35,874 --> 00:04:37,023 I don't even mess with blondes like that, 67 00:04:37,025 --> 00:04:38,590 but that there is a dime! 68 00:04:38,592 --> 00:04:40,415 - Fuck yeah. - I don't know, there might be 69 00:04:40,416 --> 00:04:42,302 - some lasagna up in there. - I don't think so. 70 00:04:42,304 --> 00:04:44,478 Definitely not. She keep her shit tight, you can tell. 71 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:46,717 - No. I don't know. - See, he likes that skinny shit. 72 00:04:46,719 --> 00:04:49,981 He likes that skinny, high-fashion, looks-like-a-boy shit. 73 00:04:49,983 --> 00:04:51,326 - Fuck you! - Admit it! 74 00:04:51,327 --> 00:04:52,893 He's kind of right, man, you do. 75 00:04:52,894 --> 00:04:55,036 I don't like more than a handful of titty. 76 00:04:55,038 --> 00:04:59,131 No, no, no, no, no. No. A nice handful, I love it, but more than that, it's like no! 77 00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:01,084 Shit starts to remind me of my mom or something. 78 00:05:01,086 --> 00:05:03,867 - Jesus Christ. - Your mom do got some big-ass titties. 79 00:05:03,869 --> 00:05:05,818 - Don't talk about my mother. - You brought up your mother. 80 00:05:05,820 --> 00:05:08,411 If you don't like that, there's something wrong with you. 81 00:05:08,413 --> 00:05:10,586 I didn't say I didn't like it. I said it's not a dime. 82 00:05:10,588 --> 00:05:13,145 - That's incorrect. - She's taller than you anyway. 83 00:05:13,147 --> 00:05:15,161 - Fuck you, Jonny. - I'm playing, come on. 84 00:05:15,163 --> 00:05:18,362 You gonna get that? 85 00:05:18,364 --> 00:05:21,272 WOMAN: Let me get a vodka-cranberry. 86 00:05:22,937 --> 00:05:24,888 - Jonny! - Sammy-boy, how you doing? 87 00:05:24,890 --> 00:05:27,735 - You good? - Let me get a Grey Goose and soda. 88 00:05:33,591 --> 00:05:38,134 (HIP-HOP PLAYS) 89 00:05:42,103 --> 00:05:44,597 - What makes you think you could do that? - Do what? 90 00:05:44,599 --> 00:05:46,741 - Get the fuck out of here. - You wanna go somewhere? 91 00:05:46,743 --> 00:05:48,532 - Fuck you. - You wanna fuck me? 92 00:05:48,534 --> 00:05:50,389 - Is that why you kissed me? - I didn't kiss you. 93 00:05:50,390 --> 00:05:52,917 Yeah, you did. 94 00:05:52,919 --> 00:05:54,707 - Stop it, I mean it. Stop it. - (LAUGHS) 95 00:05:54,709 --> 00:05:57,331 Come on. Let me buy you a drink. It's early. 96 00:05:57,333 --> 00:06:00,275 - Where you going? - I told you where I was going. 97 00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:02,482 Come on! Wait a minute! 98 00:06:02,484 --> 00:06:03,827 Shit! 99 00:06:03,828 --> 00:06:07,602 (HIP-HOP PLAYS) 100 00:06:07,604 --> 00:06:09,842 Yo. Headband. 101 00:06:12,850 --> 00:06:14,673 Nah, I don't know. 102 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:28,143 (HIP-HOP PLAYS) 103 00:06:33,199 --> 00:06:35,822 (WOMAN MOANING) 104 00:07:01,771 --> 00:07:03,402 (COMPUTER CHIMES) 105 00:07:03,404 --> 00:07:05,449 JON: See? This is what I'm saying. 106 00:07:05,451 --> 00:07:08,233 Real pussy's all good. But I'm sorry. 107 00:07:08,235 --> 00:07:10,953 It's not as good as porn. 108 00:07:10,955 --> 00:07:12,424 Tits? 109 00:07:14,793 --> 00:07:16,104 Great. 110 00:07:16,106 --> 00:07:17,768 Ass? 111 00:07:18,696 --> 00:07:19,912 Great. 112 00:07:19,913 --> 00:07:21,863 Blowjob? 113 00:07:21,865 --> 00:07:26,342 Sure, it's fucking fantastic in person... if she'll do it. 114 00:07:26,344 --> 00:07:29,254 But in real life, if you wanna get head, you gotta give head. 115 00:07:29,256 --> 00:07:31,590 Lower. Not that low! 116 00:07:31,592 --> 00:07:35,237 JON: I know, some guys love eating pussy, but the thing about those guys is, 117 00:07:35,239 --> 00:07:38,085 they're fucking crazy. Don't get me wrong, 118 00:07:38,087 --> 00:07:40,420 I like a good pussy-eating clip. 119 00:07:40,422 --> 00:07:44,548 But, from down here, there's nothing good about this. 120 00:07:44,550 --> 00:07:45,796 (MOANING) 121 00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:48,099 JON: And if she does finally 122 00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:51,459 decide to do you the big favor... 123 00:07:53,187 --> 00:07:55,330 ...she's in a fucking hurry. 124 00:07:55,332 --> 00:07:59,618 Now, when it comes to the actual fucking... 125 00:07:59,620 --> 00:08:02,913 First of all, condoms are terrible. They just are. 126 00:08:02,915 --> 00:08:05,953 But you gotta wear one, 'cause, unlike porn, 127 00:08:05,955 --> 00:08:08,032 - real pussy can kill you. - (WOMAN MOANS) 128 00:08:08,034 --> 00:08:12,096 Second of all, missionary is the worst position 129 00:08:12,098 --> 00:08:13,664 in all of fucking. 130 00:08:13,666 --> 00:08:16,735 The tits lie flat, you can't see her ass, 131 00:08:16,737 --> 00:08:20,063 you can't touch her ass, 'cause she's lying on her back. 132 00:08:20,065 --> 00:08:23,614 They won't let you do it from behind, 'cause they wanna look at you. 133 00:08:23,616 --> 00:08:26,398 And basically it's on me to do all the work. 134 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:29,949 Moneyshot? No. There is no real-life moneyshot. 135 00:08:29,951 --> 00:08:33,501 Real girls won't do that shit. You just gotta cum into the fucking condom. 136 00:08:33,503 --> 00:08:38,428 (MOANING, PANTING) 137 00:08:39,805 --> 00:08:43,227 JON: So, you tell me, which looks better? 138 00:08:43,229 --> 00:08:45,115 This? 139 00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:51,834 - Or this? - (WOMAN MOANING) 140 00:09:24,566 --> 00:09:27,413 (ENGINE REVVING) 141 00:09:32,757 --> 00:09:36,500 Jesus! What are you fucking retarded?! You're fucking retarded! 142 00:09:36,502 --> 00:09:41,363 You're a retarded person and you're driving a fucking car! 143 00:09:41,365 --> 00:09:45,458 (CHURCH BELL CHIMING) 144 00:09:56,402 --> 00:09:59,184 (ORGAN PLAYS SOMBER MELODY) 145 00:10:02,449 --> 00:10:05,072 JON: In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen. 146 00:10:05,074 --> 00:10:06,703 PRIEST: Amen. Bless you, my son. 147 00:10:06,705 --> 00:10:08,559 Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. 148 00:10:08,561 --> 00:10:09,935 It has been one week since my last confession. 149 00:10:09,937 --> 00:10:11,471 PRIEST: Tell me your sins. 150 00:10:11,473 --> 00:10:13,038 Since last Sunday, I had sexual relations 151 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,342 out of wedlock two times. I also watched 152 00:10:15,344 --> 00:10:17,838 pornographic videos and masturbated 17 times. 153 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:20,173 For these and all the sins of my life, I am sorry. 154 00:10:20,175 --> 00:10:22,669 - Ten Lord's Prayers and ten Hail Marys. - Thank you, Father. 155 00:10:22,671 --> 00:10:25,389 PRIEST: Through the ministry of the Church, may God give you pardon and peace, 156 00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:28,780 and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. 157 00:10:28,782 --> 00:10:29,964 Amen. 158 00:10:29,966 --> 00:10:32,044 Bullshit! Bullshit! Did you see that? 159 00:10:32,045 --> 00:10:33,706 That was fucking bullshit. Bad call. 160 00:10:33,708 --> 00:10:36,459 - Jesus fucking Christ! - Jon! 161 00:10:36,461 --> 00:10:39,818 - Fucking bullshit. Did you see that? - I didn't see. What happened? 162 00:10:39,820 --> 00:10:41,706 They'll do a replay. They better do a fucking replay. 163 00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:44,265 Unless they just don't want us to see how bad that fucking call was. 164 00:10:44,267 --> 00:10:46,218 Why don't you get the thing where you can pause... 165 00:10:46,220 --> 00:10:48,265 - Assholes, where's the replay?! - Dad, there's a thing you can pause 166 00:10:48,267 --> 00:10:49,993 - and rewind. - What are you talking about? 167 00:10:49,995 --> 00:10:51,849 It's digital. You just rewind and watch it. 168 00:10:51,850 --> 00:10:54,280 - I'm not taping this. - I know you're not taping it. 169 00:10:54,282 --> 00:10:56,072 Are you people serious, no fucking replay?! 170 00:10:56,074 --> 00:10:58,600 - I'm not talking about a VCR. - How do I know what the fuck 171 00:10:58,602 --> 00:11:00,616 - you're talking about? - I don't know, I guess 'cause 172 00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:02,439 most American people have heard of TiVo. 173 00:11:02,441 --> 00:11:04,711 Most people that pay attention to the world around them! 174 00:11:04,713 --> 00:11:06,663 Here it is. Shut up already, finally. Shit! 175 00:11:06,665 --> 00:11:09,158 - You seriously never heard of that? - Yes! 176 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:10,662 I've heard of it, Jesus fucking... 177 00:11:10,664 --> 00:11:14,822 There! Look, his foot's on the line! Look at that bullshit! 178 00:11:14,824 --> 00:11:16,997 - WOMAN: Jon! All right already! - So if you've heard of it, 179 00:11:16,999 --> 00:11:18,597 - what is it? - Did you see that? 180 00:11:18,599 --> 00:11:19,813 I'm asking you a question. 181 00:11:19,815 --> 00:11:20,965 It's a fucking thing... 182 00:11:20,967 --> 00:11:22,692 Wait a minute. Did you see that? 183 00:11:22,694 --> 00:11:23,748 I'm asking you. Did you? 184 00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:25,764 Nah, I didn't see it. 185 00:11:25,766 --> 00:11:27,588 Why not?! What the fuck's the matter with you? 186 00:11:27,590 --> 00:11:31,298 I said look at this play, I said it right to you! 187 00:11:31,300 --> 00:11:34,051 I ask you to do the easiest fucking thing, and you can't do it! 188 00:11:34,053 --> 00:11:36,962 - At least I know what a TiVo is. - I know what a fucking TiVo is! 189 00:11:36,963 --> 00:11:38,466 You want a TiVo? Is that what you're saying? 190 00:11:38,468 --> 00:11:40,706 - I would love a fucking TiVo. - Who do you love? 191 00:11:40,708 --> 00:11:44,769 He loves TiVo. He sure as shit don't love football. We know that. 192 00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:49,377 (SIGHS) 193 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:56,607 One of these days, I'm gonna sit down here and start eating, and you're gonna say, 194 00:11:56,609 --> 00:11:58,495 - "Mom, I found her." - JON: Ma! 195 00:11:58,497 --> 00:11:59,999 MOTHER: One of these days. 196 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:02,239 (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) 197 00:12:04,894 --> 00:12:09,822 (WHISPERING) Holy Mary... Mother of God... 198 00:12:09,824 --> 00:12:11,964 ...pray for us now... 199 00:12:11,966 --> 00:12:14,269 ...and at the hour of death... 200 00:12:14,686 --> 00:12:16,573 Amen. 201 00:12:22,237 --> 00:12:24,412 Hail Mary... full of grace... 202 00:12:24,414 --> 00:12:27,963 (COMPUTER CHIMES) JON: All right, I'll admit, there are some down sides. 203 00:12:27,965 --> 00:12:31,642 Like there's the times you find a great clip, with a hot chick. 204 00:12:31,644 --> 00:12:35,865 And right when you're starting to cum, it shows the guy. 205 00:12:35,867 --> 00:12:38,873 (GRUNTING) 206 00:12:38,875 --> 00:12:40,408 Fuck! Goddamn it! 207 00:12:40,410 --> 00:12:42,361 JON: It's no one's fault, really, 208 00:12:42,363 --> 00:12:45,432 but it still sucks. So... 209 00:12:45,434 --> 00:12:47,512 - (COMPUTER CHIMES) - Also, nowadays you got so much 210 00:12:47,514 --> 00:12:49,784 to choose from, finding just the right clip 211 00:12:49,786 --> 00:12:51,960 can take a lot of time. 212 00:12:51,962 --> 00:12:53,750 And my time is precious to me. 213 00:12:53,752 --> 00:12:57,975 Yeah, I got shit to do. So... 214 00:12:57,977 --> 00:13:00,406 - (COMPUTER CHIMES) - And, every once in a while, 215 00:13:00,408 --> 00:13:04,470 you find a clip that's so good, it's fucking depressing. 216 00:13:04,472 --> 00:13:07,349 And you're thinking to yourself, why can't real pussy be like this? 217 00:13:07,351 --> 00:13:10,453 You know, I smash new girls all the fucking time, 218 00:13:10,455 --> 00:13:14,100 always an eight or better, and it's still never this good. What am I doing wrong? 219 00:13:14,102 --> 00:13:16,052 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 220 00:13:16,054 --> 00:13:20,787 JON: Maybe it's time to try something new. So... 221 00:13:22,803 --> 00:13:26,771 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 222 00:13:28,627 --> 00:13:31,474 - Yo, you remember that dime from last week? - Oh, shit. 223 00:13:31,476 --> 00:13:34,130 The blonde in the dress? She was insane, bro. You hit that? 224 00:13:34,132 --> 00:13:36,785 No, I didn't, you fucking alcoholic, I saw you after she left. 225 00:13:36,787 --> 00:13:38,993 - Fuck you, Jonny! - I thought you made that happen. 226 00:13:38,995 --> 00:13:41,073 - I threw it to this other random. - Typical. 227 00:13:41,075 --> 00:13:42,864 - Probably an eight or nine. - Six or seven. 228 00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:45,008 Shut the fuck up! Who'd you take home, huh? 229 00:13:45,010 --> 00:13:47,632 Twos and threes, baby. I'm telling you, twos and threes 230 00:13:47,634 --> 00:13:49,295 are some open-minded ladies. 231 00:13:49,297 --> 00:13:51,887 - I wanna find that girl. - You get her name? 232 00:13:51,889 --> 00:13:54,703 - Her name? - First and last name. 233 00:13:54,705 --> 00:13:57,326 I'm looking for her name, first and last name. 234 00:13:57,328 --> 00:13:59,783 Shit, I don't know. You know who would? 235 00:14:01,487 --> 00:14:04,845 - Barbara Sugarman. - Sugarman? 236 00:14:04,847 --> 00:14:06,221 Thanks, bro. 237 00:14:06,223 --> 00:14:08,941 - OK, what was it again? - Barbara Sugarman. 238 00:14:10,925 --> 00:14:13,644 - You see her anywhere? - No. 239 00:14:14,892 --> 00:14:16,746 - Oh, shit! - That's her? 240 00:14:16,748 --> 00:14:19,563 - That's definitely her. - Oh! Got you, bitch! 241 00:14:19,565 --> 00:14:21,483 What you wanna say? You gotta say something. 242 00:14:21,485 --> 00:14:24,170 - Really? - A girl that bad gets mad friend requests. 243 00:14:24,172 --> 00:14:28,106 - Fuck! - I think it's dinner. Maybe even lunch. 244 00:14:28,108 --> 00:14:30,281 Might have to take this girl out for coffee. 245 00:14:30,283 --> 00:14:32,201 - Christ! - Yeah, this is the long game. 246 00:14:32,203 --> 00:14:33,897 You're not getting that butt from Barbara Sugarman 247 00:14:33,899 --> 00:14:35,785 anytime in the immediate future. 248 00:14:35,787 --> 00:14:37,352 If you had it like that, it would have went down. 249 00:14:37,354 --> 00:14:39,816 You're right. You're totally right. Shit! 250 00:14:39,818 --> 00:14:43,208 I know, I was about to say, the mighty Don bringing out the long game? 251 00:14:43,210 --> 00:14:45,383 - She's a dime, but... - This girl's more than a dime. 252 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:48,807 Come on, son. There's no such thing, that's the point, it's a scale from one to ten. 253 00:14:48,809 --> 00:14:50,853 - I'm saying, this girl... - Oh, my God! 254 00:14:50,855 --> 00:14:55,110 - You in love with this girl already? - Go fuck yourself. 255 00:14:59,845 --> 00:15:01,764 - Hi. - Can I help you? 256 00:15:01,766 --> 00:15:05,411 - Yeah, two for lunch. - Sure. Right this way. 257 00:15:12,483 --> 00:15:16,835 (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS) 258 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:42,751 Hey. 259 00:15:43,936 --> 00:15:46,111 - How are you? - Good. Good. How you been? 260 00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:49,501 - How did you get my Facebook? - Oh. Getting right to it. 261 00:15:49,503 --> 00:15:51,325 - Yeah. - I just looked up your name. 262 00:15:51,327 --> 00:15:53,245 - I didn't tell you my name. - Obviously you did, 263 00:15:53,247 --> 00:15:55,293 - 'cause I looked it up. - No, I definitely did not 264 00:15:55,295 --> 00:15:56,988 - tell you my name. - Yeah, you did. 265 00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:58,621 - I think I would remember. - No offense, 266 00:15:58,623 --> 00:16:00,220 but you were pretty wasted the other night. 267 00:16:00,222 --> 00:16:01,916 - So was I. - Can I get you some drinks? 268 00:16:01,918 --> 00:16:03,355 - Diet Coke, please. - A Coke. 269 00:16:03,357 --> 00:16:04,763 Coke and a Diet Coke. 270 00:16:04,765 --> 00:16:07,675 I'll be right back to take your order. 271 00:16:07,677 --> 00:16:09,435 I had a few drinks the other night, 272 00:16:09,437 --> 00:16:11,834 so I may not have remembered telling you my first name, 273 00:16:11,836 --> 00:16:13,787 but I definitely did not tell you my last name. 274 00:16:13,789 --> 00:16:15,898 - I'm telling you... Hey! - Don't lie to me. 275 00:16:15,900 --> 00:16:18,553 Look, you don't know me, so I'm gonna let you off the hook this time. 276 00:16:18,555 --> 00:16:22,392 But trust me, in the future you'll be much happier if you always tell me the truth. 277 00:16:22,394 --> 00:16:24,249 Wait, wait, wait, I'll be happier? 278 00:16:24,251 --> 00:16:27,417 You don't think I could make you happy if I wanted to? 279 00:16:27,419 --> 00:16:30,648 So how did you find out my name? 280 00:16:30,650 --> 00:16:32,728 - I asked around. - You asked around about me? 281 00:16:32,730 --> 00:16:35,542 - Yeah. - That's interesting. 282 00:16:35,544 --> 00:16:37,431 - Why? - Why? What do you mean why? 283 00:16:37,433 --> 00:16:39,511 - Why did you ask around about me? - 'Cause I wanted to. 284 00:16:39,513 --> 00:16:41,463 - You wanted to take me to lunch? - Yeah. 285 00:16:41,465 --> 00:16:44,117 - Don't lie. - OK, I asked around about you 286 00:16:44,119 --> 00:16:46,230 'cause I wanna fuck your brains out. Is that what you want me to say? 287 00:16:46,232 --> 00:16:49,909 (CHUCKLES) Well, at least you're being honest now. 288 00:16:49,911 --> 00:16:51,348 Let me ask you a question. 289 00:16:51,350 --> 00:16:54,645 Why did you come here, huh? Why did you say yes to me? 290 00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:56,595 - That's a very good question. - Yeah, so? 291 00:16:56,597 --> 00:16:58,132 You're gonna have to wait to find out. 292 00:16:58,134 --> 00:17:00,660 - All right. I got time. - Really? You got time? 293 00:17:00,662 --> 00:17:02,803 It seemed like you were in a big hurry the other day. 294 00:17:02,805 --> 00:17:04,563 I can be that way when I'm shit-faced. 295 00:17:07,251 --> 00:17:08,435 You're cute, I like you. 296 00:17:08,436 --> 00:17:11,538 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 297 00:17:11,540 --> 00:17:14,033 Listen, you wanna know the truth? 298 00:17:14,035 --> 00:17:16,849 This is the truth. 299 00:17:16,851 --> 00:17:19,888 You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. 300 00:17:24,657 --> 00:17:26,736 You like movies? 301 00:17:28,657 --> 00:17:32,303 JON: I don't watch too many movies. 302 00:17:32,305 --> 00:17:37,166 I used to watch 'em a lot when I was a little kid, before I could get my hands on any porn. 303 00:17:37,168 --> 00:17:41,069 Back then, if I wanted to see a really hot girl, my best bet was to watch a movie. 304 00:17:41,071 --> 00:17:43,150 - That's the one you like? - Oh, it's so great. 305 00:17:43,152 --> 00:17:45,223 - I love these two. And you? - Yeah. They're great. 306 00:17:49,837 --> 00:17:53,708 JON: But now, I don't really see the point. 307 00:17:57,420 --> 00:18:00,202 I don't know, I guess I'm missing something. 308 00:18:00,204 --> 00:18:04,171 Because most people eat that shit up. 309 00:18:05,675 --> 00:18:07,529 (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) 310 00:18:07,531 --> 00:18:09,418 The pretty woman. 311 00:18:09,866 --> 00:18:11,690 The pretty man. 312 00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:13,448 Love at first sight. 313 00:18:14,409 --> 00:18:16,360 The first kiss. 314 00:18:16,362 --> 00:18:18,121 - The breakup. - WOMAN ONSCREEN: I felt that! 315 00:18:18,123 --> 00:18:20,263 - JON: The makeup. - MAN ONSCREEN: I'm scared. 316 00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:21,640 JON: The expensive wedding, 317 00:18:21,641 --> 00:18:23,560 and they drive off into the sunset. 318 00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:25,448 Everyone knows it's fake, but they watch it 319 00:18:25,450 --> 00:18:27,975 like it's real fucking life. 320 00:18:27,977 --> 00:18:31,847 (MUSIC SWELLS) 321 00:18:31,848 --> 00:18:35,494 She was the most important thing to him. He gave up everything for her. 322 00:18:35,496 --> 00:18:37,670 It was just meant to be. 323 00:18:37,672 --> 00:18:40,676 - I love movies like that. - Yeah, it was great. 324 00:18:40,678 --> 00:18:45,156 He's just such a real man. And she's so beautiful too, always. 325 00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:47,876 - Her? No, she's too skinny. - Yeah. 326 00:18:47,878 --> 00:18:50,756 - What? - You wanna know who's beautiful? 327 00:18:50,758 --> 00:18:53,988 (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS) 328 00:18:55,971 --> 00:18:59,618 (FIREWORKS WHISTLING, POPPING IN DISTANCE) 329 00:19:08,098 --> 00:19:12,225 - What makes you think you could do that? - Do what? 330 00:19:19,104 --> 00:19:21,439 (MUSIC SWELLS) 331 00:19:35,263 --> 00:19:38,716 (CHURCH BELLS CHIMING) 332 00:19:43,901 --> 00:19:46,747 - (ORGAN PLAYS SOMBER MELODY) - JON: In the name of the Father, the Son 333 00:19:46,749 --> 00:19:48,667 - and the Holy Spirit, Amen. - PRIEST: Amen. Bless you. 334 00:19:48,669 --> 00:19:51,354 JON: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. 335 00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:53,626 - It has been one week since my last confession. PRIEST: Tell me your sins. 336 00:19:53,628 --> 00:19:58,138 Since last Sunday I did not have sexual relations out of wedlock. 337 00:19:58,139 --> 00:20:02,746 I did kiss a girl, this one girl, out of wedlock, several times, 338 00:20:02,748 --> 00:20:07,928 but it's just kissing. I don't know, I forget if that counts, so... 339 00:20:07,930 --> 00:20:10,840 Also, I watched pornographic videos and masturbated 22 times. 340 00:20:10,842 --> 00:20:13,271 For these and all the sins of my life, I am sorry. 341 00:20:13,273 --> 00:20:15,767 - Ten Lord's Prayers and ten Hail Marys. - Thank you, Father. 342 00:20:15,769 --> 00:20:18,518 PRIEST: Through the ministry of the Church, may God give you pardon and peace, 343 00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:21,206 and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, of the Son 344 00:20:21,208 --> 00:20:23,190 - and the Holy Spirit. - Amen. 345 00:20:23,192 --> 00:20:24,215 (JAZZY, SULTRY SONG PLAYING) 346 00:20:24,217 --> 00:20:25,845 ♪ I got a fever 347 00:20:25,847 --> 00:20:27,317 ♪ An inflammation 348 00:20:27,319 --> 00:20:30,133 ♪ That's what I got 349 00:20:30,135 --> 00:20:32,916 ♪ You turn the heat on me 350 00:20:32,918 --> 00:20:36,308 ♪ Some like it hot 351 00:20:37,525 --> 00:20:39,476 ♪ Call out the engine 352 00:20:39,478 --> 00:20:41,588 ♪ Ring up the station 353 00:20:41,589 --> 00:20:44,884 ♪ I am on the spot... 354 00:20:44,886 --> 00:20:49,683 NARRATOR ON TV: Introducing the charbroiled, not fried, codfish sandwich, 355 00:20:49,685 --> 00:20:52,210 only at Carl's Jr. And Hardee's. 356 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,785 ♪ Love burns you up the most ♪ 357 00:20:56,787 --> 00:21:00,624 - ♪ Like it or not NARRATOR: More than just a piece of meat. 358 00:21:00,626 --> 00:21:01,106 ♪ Baby 359 00:21:04,690 --> 00:21:07,215 ♪ I like it hot 360 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:12,304 (ENGINE REVVING) 361 00:21:12,305 --> 00:21:16,590 Oh, go! Jesus. It's a yellow light! Fuck you! 362 00:21:16,592 --> 00:21:18,575 (CAR RADIO PLAYING INDISTINCTLY) 363 00:21:18,577 --> 00:21:21,069 (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) 364 00:21:24,494 --> 00:21:27,629 (WHISPERING) Our Father... Who art in heaven... 365 00:21:27,631 --> 00:21:30,604 ...hallowed be Thy name... Thy Kingdom come... 366 00:21:30,606 --> 00:21:32,269 ...Thy will be done... 367 00:21:32,271 --> 00:21:35,179 ...on earth... as it is in heaven... 368 00:21:35,181 --> 00:21:38,059 (MOANING) 369 00:21:39,276 --> 00:21:41,163 - No. - No... What? 370 00:21:41,165 --> 00:21:43,498 - Not out here. - So let's go inside. 371 00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:44,778 Mm-mm. 372 00:21:44,780 --> 00:21:46,602 - Why not? - It's not time for that yet. 373 00:21:46,604 --> 00:21:49,386 - You sure? - Yeah. We barely know each other. 374 00:21:49,387 --> 00:21:54,281 - Yeah, we do, pretty much. - (BOTH MOANING) 375 00:21:54,283 --> 00:21:57,416 - I don't know your friends. - My friends? 376 00:21:57,418 --> 00:21:59,145 Mmm... 377 00:21:59,147 --> 00:22:02,216 - I wanna meet your friends. - Those guys are assholes. 378 00:22:02,218 --> 00:22:03,879 - Yeah? - Yeah. 379 00:22:03,881 --> 00:22:07,079 And you don't know my friends. 380 00:22:07,081 --> 00:22:09,990 - Or our families. - Wait, our families? 381 00:22:09,992 --> 00:22:13,510 Yeah. I wanna meet your parents and your sister. 382 00:22:13,512 --> 00:22:16,167 - Oh, Jesus! - What? You don't wanna meet my brothers 383 00:22:16,169 --> 00:22:20,133 - and my sister? - Uh... 384 00:22:20,135 --> 00:22:25,028 - 'Cause I know they wanna meet you. - Yeah... I bet they do. 385 00:22:25,030 --> 00:22:27,108 BARBARA: Mmm... (CHUCKLES) 386 00:22:29,829 --> 00:22:34,019 - (JON MOANS) - Mm-hm. 387 00:22:34,021 --> 00:22:35,331 - Jon. - Yeah? 388 00:22:35,333 --> 00:22:36,676 I can't let you 389 00:22:36,677 --> 00:22:38,882 - come inside just yet. - No? 390 00:22:38,884 --> 00:22:42,402 No, 'cause I don't know what that would mean. You know? 391 00:22:42,404 --> 00:22:45,345 I don't want to do anything unless it means something. 392 00:22:45,347 --> 00:22:47,969 - Uh-huh... - Mm... 393 00:22:47,971 --> 00:22:50,370 Don't you think it's always better when it means something? 394 00:22:50,372 --> 00:22:52,192 - Yeah. - Mm... 395 00:22:52,194 --> 00:22:55,744 - I think you should go back to school, baby. - What? 396 00:22:55,746 --> 00:23:00,447 - Yeah, come on. Just a night class. - Oh, my God! 397 00:23:00,449 --> 00:23:02,463 - Just get your degree. - Oh! 398 00:23:02,465 --> 00:23:05,598 - You would be so sexy with a real job. - Mm! 399 00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,510 - Mm-hm! Yeah... - (GRUNTS) 400 00:23:08,512 --> 00:23:12,030 So, what do you say? You, me and our friends, we go out sometime? 401 00:23:12,032 --> 00:23:15,709 - Oh, yeah. Yeah. - Yeah? And our families meet, huh? 402 00:23:15,711 --> 00:23:16,605 - Oh! - Yeah? 403 00:23:16,607 --> 00:23:18,173 - Yeah. - Mm... 404 00:23:18,175 --> 00:23:21,052 And you take one night class for me, baby? One little class? 405 00:23:21,054 --> 00:23:23,452 - Oh! Oh! - Huh? Yeah? Yeah? 406 00:23:23,454 --> 00:23:26,844 - Yeah! Oh! - Come on, baby, cum... cum... 407 00:23:26,845 --> 00:23:31,099 - (GRUNTING) - Mm-hm! Uh-huh. 408 00:23:31,101 --> 00:23:34,426 (PANTING, GRUNTING) 409 00:23:34,428 --> 00:23:37,114 - Nice. - Oh, Jesus... 410 00:23:37,116 --> 00:23:38,971 Yeah. 411 00:23:45,914 --> 00:23:48,408 You're so cute. 412 00:23:54,296 --> 00:23:56,183 Call me. 413 00:24:10,038 --> 00:24:12,341 (COMPUTER CHIMES) 414 00:24:29,171 --> 00:24:31,506 - Baby! - Baby, what? 415 00:24:31,508 --> 00:24:33,010 - Baby. - Baby... 416 00:24:33,012 --> 00:24:34,834 - You guys having a good time? - You bitch, 417 00:24:34,836 --> 00:24:35,921 - I don't wanna hear it. - Jesus Christ. 418 00:24:35,923 --> 00:24:37,425 A toast. Let's make a toast. 419 00:24:37,427 --> 00:24:38,769 Everyone listen up. You get up too. 420 00:24:38,771 --> 00:24:40,337 This is for you. Come on. Get up. 421 00:24:40,339 --> 00:24:42,001 - Oh, God. - All right. 422 00:24:42,003 --> 00:24:44,272 You guys know tonight is me and this girl's 423 00:24:44,274 --> 00:24:47,440 one-month anniversary. I'm counting that from the first time 424 00:24:47,442 --> 00:24:50,191 I ever saw her, 'cause ever since then, I've felt the same way. 425 00:24:50,193 --> 00:24:53,007 She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. 426 00:24:53,009 --> 00:24:54,799 - To you, baby. - No, to us. 427 00:24:54,801 --> 00:24:56,591 - To us. - (GLASSES CLINK) 428 00:24:56,593 --> 00:24:58,958 - Mwah. Cheers. - ALL: Cheers! 429 00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:01,646 God bless. 430 00:25:01,648 --> 00:25:04,205 - So, what's he do? - He's in school. 431 00:25:04,207 --> 00:25:06,285 - Oh, the family's got money? - No, he's got a job. 432 00:25:06,287 --> 00:25:07,565 - Retail? - No. 433 00:25:07,567 --> 00:25:08,877 - Service? - Yeah. 434 00:25:08,879 --> 00:25:10,317 He's definitely been 435 00:25:10,319 --> 00:25:12,140 - spending time at the gym. - Right? I know. 436 00:25:12,142 --> 00:25:14,028 - He is so disciplined. - You guys work out together? 437 00:25:14,030 --> 00:25:17,196 - Mm-mm. No. - Does he do that muscle guy thing 438 00:25:17,198 --> 00:25:20,075 where he's, like, looking at himself while you're doing it? 439 00:25:20,077 --> 00:25:23,531 - Oh. We haven't done it yet. - Shit, really? 440 00:25:23,533 --> 00:25:27,498 - Oh, my God. That's so amazing! - All right. I like him. 441 00:25:27,500 --> 00:25:29,738 Goddamn! White shorts. 442 00:25:29,740 --> 00:25:33,449 (HIP-HOP PLAYS) 443 00:25:33,450 --> 00:25:35,785 - JON: Nah. - What? Come on, that's a dime! 444 00:25:35,787 --> 00:25:38,153 - That's not a dime. - I'm sorry, but I'd rather do that 445 00:25:38,155 --> 00:25:40,840 - than do yours. - You faggot motherfucker! 446 00:25:40,842 --> 00:25:43,848 - I can like any girl I wanna. - But she's not hotter than my girl. 447 00:25:43,850 --> 00:25:46,759 - To you, maybe not, but to me... - Look at that. Sorry, buddy. 448 00:25:46,761 --> 00:25:50,247 - Fuck you, Jonny! - That's the way... 449 00:25:50,249 --> 00:25:52,039 Hi. 450 00:26:05,670 --> 00:26:07,844 Shit! 451 00:26:07,846 --> 00:26:09,860 So, uh... 452 00:26:12,389 --> 00:26:14,595 - I'm sort of seeing this girl. - (COUGHS) 453 00:26:14,597 --> 00:26:16,707 - MOTHER: What did you say? - What do you mean, what did I say? 454 00:26:16,709 --> 00:26:18,947 - Did you say...? - JON SR.: She asked you what you said. 455 00:26:18,949 --> 00:26:20,962 What's the matter with that? I couldn't understand you, either. 456 00:26:20,964 --> 00:26:22,498 Speak up and talk like a human being. 457 00:26:22,500 --> 00:26:24,194 - Shush. - What's your problem? 458 00:26:24,196 --> 00:26:25,250 - Jon. - What? 459 00:26:25,252 --> 00:26:26,658 Did you say you found her? 460 00:26:26,660 --> 00:26:28,801 Well, I said I'm sort of... 461 00:26:28,803 --> 00:26:30,081 Oh, my God! What's her name? 462 00:26:30,082 --> 00:26:33,057 - Barbara. - Barbara! Barbara what? 463 00:26:33,059 --> 00:26:35,296 - JON SR.: Here we go... - Shh! Barbara what? 464 00:26:35,298 --> 00:26:38,304 - Barbara Sugarman. - Sugarman? 465 00:26:38,306 --> 00:26:40,480 - She a Jew? - I don't think so. 466 00:26:40,482 --> 00:26:42,911 - You don't know? - We haven't really talked... 467 00:26:42,913 --> 00:26:44,511 She's not Italian, we know that. 468 00:26:44,513 --> 00:26:46,783 - Sugarman. She black? - No. 469 00:26:46,785 --> 00:26:48,222 What does she look like? 470 00:26:48,224 --> 00:26:50,302 She's the most beautiful thing I've seen in my life. 471 00:26:50,304 --> 00:26:53,117 - Oh, boy. - Baby! Oh! (LAUGHS) 472 00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:55,677 That's the sweetest thing I ever heard anybody say. 473 00:26:55,679 --> 00:26:58,525 - And does she love you? - Wait a minute. Love him? You kidding? 474 00:26:58,526 --> 00:27:00,796 - Jon, shush! - They're kids, for Christ's sake! 475 00:27:00,798 --> 00:27:03,516 - So what? - You know what? Don't call me a kid. 476 00:27:03,518 --> 00:27:05,180 We talked about this, I don't appreciate it. 477 00:27:05,182 --> 00:27:07,515 - Excuse me. - Dad, I'm asking you nicely. 478 00:27:07,517 --> 00:27:09,371 To not call you a kid? You're a fucking kid. 479 00:27:09,373 --> 00:27:11,067 - Jon! - Fuck you! 480 00:27:11,069 --> 00:27:14,715 - Fuck me? Did you just say fuck me to me? - Jon! 481 00:27:14,717 --> 00:27:17,946 He said they're in love, they're in love. It doesn't matter how old they are. 482 00:27:17,948 --> 00:27:23,832 He's older than you were when we got married. You know that? For God's sake, he's your son! 483 00:27:25,562 --> 00:27:27,161 You love this girl? 484 00:27:29,018 --> 00:27:31,480 Yes, I do. 485 00:27:31,482 --> 00:27:34,104 Then when do we get to meet her? 486 00:27:34,106 --> 00:27:36,918 (GASPS) Oh! 487 00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:38,327 All right, Mom, OK. 488 00:27:38,329 --> 00:27:42,678 (LAUGHS) Oh! 489 00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:46,006 WOMAN: Bella? Sweetheart, come over here. 490 00:27:48,535 --> 00:27:53,269 Come on, let me fix your lipstick. Here we go. 491 00:27:53,271 --> 00:27:55,029 - You look so beautiful. - Thank you. 492 00:27:55,031 --> 00:27:57,940 - Can I get you a refill? - You don't have to do that. 493 00:27:57,941 --> 00:27:59,444 - No, it's my pleasure. - Jon. 494 00:27:59,446 --> 00:28:01,716 - Thank you. - Jon, you meet Daryl? 495 00:28:01,718 --> 00:28:03,668 - Oh, wow. - You wanna hold him? 496 00:28:03,670 --> 00:28:06,771 - I don't know... - Come here. 497 00:28:06,773 --> 00:28:09,011 - Here you go, babe. - OK. 498 00:28:09,013 --> 00:28:13,554 - All right. Is that good? Is that right? - Yeah. (LAUGHS) 499 00:28:13,556 --> 00:28:15,506 You look so cute, the two of you. 500 00:28:15,508 --> 00:28:18,993 (PANTING, MOANING) 501 00:28:24,242 --> 00:28:25,808 MAN: Barbara! 502 00:28:25,810 --> 00:28:27,248 How long have we been up here for? 503 00:28:27,250 --> 00:28:30,160 - Not long. - Well, I gotta go, we gotta go. 504 00:28:30,162 --> 00:28:33,455 Come on, let's go. Come on. Come on. 505 00:28:34,032 --> 00:28:36,271 Close the door. 506 00:28:36,273 --> 00:28:41,294 OK. Let's take a break and when we get back we'll go over the course syllabus. 507 00:28:54,797 --> 00:28:56,620 (PHONE VIBRATING) 508 00:28:56,622 --> 00:28:59,308 - Hey. - BARBARA: Baby! How is it? 509 00:28:59,310 --> 00:29:01,195 - It's great. - Yeah? You're on break? 510 00:29:01,196 --> 00:29:04,203 - Yeah. How did you know? - Your schedule's online. 511 00:29:04,205 --> 00:29:07,530 - Baby, I'm just so proud of you. - Thanks. 512 00:29:07,532 --> 00:29:09,130 - Baby? - Yeah? 513 00:29:09,132 --> 00:29:11,402 Can I come over when you're done? 514 00:29:11,404 --> 00:29:13,706 - You wanna come to my place? - Mm-hm. 515 00:29:13,708 --> 00:29:15,688 - What, tonight? - Yeah. 516 00:29:15,690 --> 00:29:17,193 OK, great. 517 00:29:17,195 --> 00:29:20,617 - You get back to class, sexy man. - All right. 518 00:29:20,619 --> 00:29:23,528 - Bye, baby. - OK, bye. 519 00:29:31,495 --> 00:29:34,407 (WOMAN SOBBING) 520 00:29:35,846 --> 00:29:38,758 Jesus fucking Christ! 521 00:29:44,038 --> 00:29:46,852 - Excuse me. Sorry. - Oh, fuck, I'm sorry. 522 00:29:46,854 --> 00:29:48,741 It's fine. It's fine. 523 00:29:56,804 --> 00:29:59,138 - Hi, baby. - Hey. 524 00:29:59,140 --> 00:30:02,978 (ROMANTIC MUSIC SWELLS) 525 00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:31,102 - It's OK. I'll be right back. - Baby... 526 00:30:41,950 --> 00:30:43,229 (COMPUTER CHIMES) 527 00:30:43,231 --> 00:30:46,396 JON: I'm in love with Barbara. I am. 528 00:30:46,398 --> 00:30:49,051 And tonight, I finally got to fuck her. 529 00:30:49,053 --> 00:30:53,531 But I'm sorry to say, it's still not as good as porn. 530 00:30:53,533 --> 00:30:54,939 Tits? 531 00:30:56,668 --> 00:30:58,842 Best ever. 532 00:30:58,844 --> 00:31:00,506 Ass? 533 00:31:02,138 --> 00:31:04,218 Best ever. 534 00:31:04,220 --> 00:31:05,976 - Blowjob? - (WOMAN MOANS) 535 00:31:12,410 --> 00:31:17,656 Shit. Good luck. A girl that hot? She doesn't have to give head. 536 00:31:17,658 --> 00:31:21,623 (MAN, WOMAN MOANING) 537 00:31:21,625 --> 00:31:25,782 For her, she just wants to go from kissing, to naked kissing, to fucking. 538 00:31:25,784 --> 00:31:29,365 - (MOANING) - Or, you know, making love. 539 00:31:29,367 --> 00:31:32,278 And when I say "making love," I mean... 540 00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:34,741 ...missionary fucking. 541 00:31:34,743 --> 00:31:37,109 No doggie. No cowboy. 542 00:31:37,111 --> 00:31:39,509 - BARBARA: What the fuck are you doing? - Baby! 543 00:31:39,511 --> 00:31:41,652 - What the fuck are you doing? - I was reading e-mails. 544 00:31:41,653 --> 00:31:44,371 - You weren't. You were watching porno! - That's not what that was. 545 00:31:44,373 --> 00:31:45,652 - I saw you! - But, baby... 546 00:31:45,654 --> 00:31:47,412 Don't call me that. Oh, my God! 547 00:31:47,413 --> 00:31:48,499 That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life! 548 00:31:48,501 --> 00:31:50,419 Wait, don't go right now! 549 00:31:50,421 --> 00:31:52,402 I don't even know what that is. That's sick... 550 00:31:52,404 --> 00:31:54,898 - But, baby, I'm telling you... - Don't call me that! 551 00:31:54,900 --> 00:31:57,490 But I'm telling you, that thing I was watching was just a joke! 552 00:31:57,492 --> 00:32:01,106 Some dumb-ass buddy of mine sent it to me as a joke. Come on! 553 00:32:01,108 --> 00:32:04,593 You think I'm the kind of guy that watches porn? 554 00:32:05,650 --> 00:32:07,345 No, you didn't seem like that type. 555 00:32:07,347 --> 00:32:08,944 Right. 'Cause fucking losers watch porn, 556 00:32:08,946 --> 00:32:11,408 - guys that can't get laid. - Well, no. My friends' 557 00:32:11,409 --> 00:32:13,615 boyfriends are watching porno on the Internet all the time, 558 00:32:13,617 --> 00:32:16,015 - it's fucking disgusting. - It's stupid is what that is. 559 00:32:16,017 --> 00:32:19,215 Why would they watch porn when they can get with a real girl? 560 00:32:19,217 --> 00:32:22,127 - So you don't do that normally? - No. 561 00:32:22,129 --> 00:32:24,398 When was the last time you did that before this? 562 00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:27,278 (SCOFFS) I don't even know. When I was a kid or something. 563 00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:29,580 You're never gonna do it again? 564 00:32:29,582 --> 00:32:34,284 No. Why would I? 565 00:32:34,286 --> 00:32:36,811 - Promise? - I promise. 566 00:32:36,813 --> 00:32:38,700 Baby... 567 00:32:40,013 --> 00:32:41,355 I love you. 568 00:32:49,164 --> 00:32:51,561 Come here. 569 00:33:27,750 --> 00:33:31,045 - (COMPUTER CHIMES) - JON: It's not that I can't stop. 570 00:33:31,047 --> 00:33:34,436 I just figure, why should I? I mean, my girlfriend doesn't like it. 571 00:33:34,438 --> 00:33:36,196 So she doesn't have to know about it. 572 00:33:36,198 --> 00:33:38,243 It's not like I'm cheating on her. 573 00:33:38,245 --> 00:33:40,451 I don't do it when she's around. 574 00:33:44,547 --> 00:33:46,242 And everything's fine. 575 00:33:48,515 --> 00:33:53,088 She has been spending a lot of time at my place, though. So I looked into it. 576 00:33:53,090 --> 00:33:57,761 And it's pretty amazing how easy it is to get porn on-the-go these days. 577 00:33:57,763 --> 00:34:00,255 - So... - (MOANING) 578 00:34:07,008 --> 00:34:09,726 (NO AUDIO) 579 00:34:09,728 --> 00:34:13,535 - Excuse me? Sorry, were you on your phone? - No. 580 00:34:13,537 --> 00:34:15,710 - I'm Esther. - Good to meet you. 581 00:34:15,712 --> 00:34:18,078 - What's your name? - Jon. 582 00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:20,061 - I hope I'm not bothering you. - No, it's fine. 583 00:34:20,063 --> 00:34:22,685 I just wanted to apologize. I don't know if you remember, 584 00:34:22,687 --> 00:34:25,597 you caught me in a kind of an inopportune moment last week. 585 00:34:25,599 --> 00:34:28,540 - When I was sobbing by the door? - Oh! Yeah, sorry, 586 00:34:28,542 --> 00:34:31,643 - I'm sorry about that. - Please, don't. Please, don't you apologize. 587 00:34:31,645 --> 00:34:33,307 You didn't do anything wrong. 588 00:34:33,309 --> 00:34:35,674 - I felt like I should say something. - OK. Well... 589 00:34:35,676 --> 00:34:39,451 Because I've been thinking about it, a lot actually, and I realized that, 590 00:34:39,453 --> 00:34:43,194 you know, nobody's seen me like that in, like, six months, 591 00:34:43,196 --> 00:34:46,010 - and it's not like it's rare... - TEACHER: Good evening, everyone. 592 00:34:46,012 --> 00:34:49,753 (WHISPERING) ...a rare occurrence, I mean, I do that all the time, 593 00:34:49,755 --> 00:34:54,041 I'm crying all the time. It's just something that I do in private now. 594 00:34:54,043 --> 00:34:57,240 On the one hand, you go there when you go there. 595 00:34:57,242 --> 00:35:00,247 On the other hand, it's really fucked up to keep it hidden, right? 596 00:35:00,249 --> 00:35:03,062 That's what became clear to me when you startled me. 597 00:35:03,064 --> 00:35:05,590 You didn't, you didn't mean to startle me, you walked by, 598 00:35:05,592 --> 00:35:09,078 but I just... so I wanted to say thank you. 599 00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:12,725 Were you... I'm sorry, this might be rude, 600 00:35:12,727 --> 00:35:14,293 but were you watching people fucking on your phone? 601 00:35:14,295 --> 00:35:17,397 - What? No! - It's OK if you were. I'm not judging you. 602 00:35:17,399 --> 00:35:20,469 - Lady, I'm just here to take this class. - Did you just call me "lady"? 603 00:35:20,471 --> 00:35:23,284 So you take care. 604 00:35:23,286 --> 00:35:25,331 Oh, yeah. Sorry. Say no more. 605 00:35:30,100 --> 00:35:32,914 - I'm sorry. - No, it's fine. 606 00:35:45,489 --> 00:35:48,592 What, are you fucking kidding me?! You're fucking kidding me, right?! 607 00:35:48,594 --> 00:35:50,256 - Baby! - What? 608 00:35:50,258 --> 00:35:52,496 (RADIO PLAYS INDISTINCTLY) 609 00:36:01,679 --> 00:36:05,582 I feel like I should leave my jacket in the car. Maybe not. Should I bring it? 610 00:36:05,584 --> 00:36:07,950 - Yeah, whatever you want. - Oh... 611 00:36:07,951 --> 00:36:10,382 - I'm nervous. That's all. - Why you nervous? 612 00:36:10,384 --> 00:36:12,206 - I don't know... - You got nothing to be nervous about. 613 00:36:12,208 --> 00:36:15,085 You look beautiful. God, you look beautiful. 614 00:36:15,087 --> 00:36:17,292 Oh. (LAUGHS) 615 00:36:17,294 --> 00:36:19,532 - Are you ready? Go ahead. - Yeah. All right. 616 00:36:20,908 --> 00:36:22,668 - Hi, Mom. - MOTHER: Hi. 617 00:36:22,670 --> 00:36:25,996 Oh, hello, hello! You must be Barbara. 618 00:36:25,998 --> 00:36:30,635 - Hi, Mrs. Martello. For you. - Thank you, and please call me Angie. 619 00:36:30,636 --> 00:36:36,298 Come in, come in. Jon! Jonny's here! Come say hello to your son! 620 00:36:36,300 --> 00:36:39,209 - Please. - Let me get by you there, babe. 621 00:36:39,211 --> 00:36:43,881 Dad? I would like you to meet Barbara. Baby, this is my dad. 622 00:36:43,883 --> 00:36:46,696 - Hi, Mr. Martello. - Hey, good to meet you. 623 00:36:46,698 --> 00:36:48,967 - Jesus Christ! - Jon! 624 00:36:48,969 --> 00:36:52,424 Oh, I... I wasn't expecting such a lovely lady, that's all. 625 00:36:52,426 --> 00:36:55,399 Thank you. It's so nice to finally meet you both. 626 00:36:55,401 --> 00:36:57,542 My pleasure, my pleasure. 627 00:36:57,544 --> 00:37:00,486 Well, please sit down and I will be right back. 628 00:37:00,488 --> 00:37:04,486 - Can I help you with anything at all? - Oh! I love her already. 629 00:37:04,487 --> 00:37:09,348 - Yes, please, sweetie, come on. - JON: You want me to take that, babe? 630 00:37:09,350 --> 00:37:12,004 - Hey, hey, Jonny-boy! - She's cute, right? 631 00:37:12,006 --> 00:37:14,276 Are you fucking kidding me? You didn't tell me you were bringing home 632 00:37:14,278 --> 00:37:17,572 - a piece of ass like that! - I told you she was the most beautiful thing 633 00:37:17,574 --> 00:37:20,035 - I've ever seen in my life. - Yeah, you told me, but I mean, 634 00:37:20,037 --> 00:37:22,275 Jesus Christ, those tits! They're real? 635 00:37:22,277 --> 00:37:25,474 - Yeah, they're real. - Oh! Fuck me! 636 00:37:25,476 --> 00:37:29,473 - ANGIE: Did you clear the table? - Yeah, yeah. Here, honey. 637 00:37:29,475 --> 00:37:32,482 Let me move this here, so you can put that right there. 638 00:37:32,484 --> 00:37:36,065 - Right here? - Right there. That's perfect. 639 00:37:38,594 --> 00:37:41,152 BARBARA: So tell me. Tell me, how did it go? 640 00:37:41,154 --> 00:37:44,543 ANGIE: I was out with some girlfriends. We went to see some band. 641 00:37:44,545 --> 00:37:46,368 Back then you used to see bands when you went out. 642 00:37:46,369 --> 00:37:49,727 - Honey, what band was it? - You think I remember? 643 00:37:49,729 --> 00:37:53,150 It was 28 years ago, and I didn't even give a shit then. 644 00:37:53,152 --> 00:37:55,263 Anyway, I saw him early in the night, 645 00:37:55,265 --> 00:37:58,109 I don't know if he saw me till later, but I saw him. 646 00:37:58,111 --> 00:38:00,893 And I saw her, you couldn't miss her. 647 00:38:00,895 --> 00:38:04,028 - She was like you. - Thank you. 648 00:38:04,030 --> 00:38:06,396 - You know what I said? - Listen to this. 649 00:38:06,398 --> 00:38:11,132 I said right then, right when I saw her, I said... 650 00:38:11,134 --> 00:38:12,731 ..."That's mine." 651 00:38:12,733 --> 00:38:16,284 - Oh, God. - ANGIE: Yup. And he was right. 652 00:38:16,286 --> 00:38:18,234 Can you... Well, that's beautiful. 653 00:38:18,236 --> 00:38:21,274 - Oh! Big play! Look at that! - OK, Jon. 654 00:38:21,276 --> 00:38:23,866 - All right, Dad. - All right, yeah. 655 00:38:23,868 --> 00:38:27,450 - Good job, big guy. - Sweetie, so nice to meet you. 656 00:38:27,452 --> 00:38:30,969 - Bye, Mr. Martello. - Please call me Jon. 657 00:38:30,971 --> 00:38:32,984 OK, Mom. 658 00:38:32,986 --> 00:38:34,488 - All right, babe? - Oh! Bye. 659 00:38:34,490 --> 00:38:35,704 - Bye-bye. - Bye. 660 00:38:35,706 --> 00:38:38,424 - Bye-bye. - Drive safe. 661 00:38:38,426 --> 00:38:43,799 - I love her! I love her! - Pretty good, huh? Not bad at all. 662 00:38:43,801 --> 00:38:47,062 (CHURCH BELLS CHIMING) 663 00:38:58,422 --> 00:39:01,364 - (ORGAN PLAYS SOMBER MELODY) - JON: In the name of the Father, 664 00:39:01,366 --> 00:39:02,965 the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen. 665 00:39:02,967 --> 00:39:04,916 PRIEST: Amen. Bless you, my son. 666 00:39:04,918 --> 00:39:06,579 Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been one week 667 00:39:06,581 --> 00:39:08,371 - since my last confession. - PRIEST: Tell me your sins. 668 00:39:08,373 --> 00:39:11,219 Since last Sunday, I had sexual intercourse 669 00:39:11,221 --> 00:39:12,979 out of wedlock seven times. 670 00:39:12,981 --> 00:39:16,147 But... I stopped watching porn. 671 00:39:16,149 --> 00:39:20,497 Yeah, no more of that, just the intercourse now. 672 00:39:20,499 --> 00:39:22,225 So... 673 00:39:22,227 --> 00:39:25,169 For these and all the sins of my life, I am sorry. 674 00:39:25,171 --> 00:39:28,080 - Five Lord's Prayers and five Hail Marys. - Thank you, Father. 675 00:39:28,082 --> 00:39:30,960 PRIEST: Through the ministry of the Church, may God give you pardon and peace, 676 00:39:30,962 --> 00:39:33,264 and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, of the Son 677 00:39:33,266 --> 00:39:35,727 - and the Holy Spirit. - Amen. 678 00:39:35,729 --> 00:39:40,175 TEACHER: Very good. OK, when we come back, we'll go over employee personality testing. 679 00:39:40,177 --> 00:39:42,542 Go ahead, take a break. 680 00:39:45,296 --> 00:39:48,333 - Hi. Mind if I sit down? - You know, actually, I... 681 00:39:48,335 --> 00:39:50,221 - I brought you something. - You what? 682 00:39:50,223 --> 00:39:52,045 - What's that? - Open it. 683 00:39:52,047 --> 00:39:53,965 - I don't want to take that from you. - No, no, open it. 684 00:39:53,967 --> 00:39:56,268 It's something silly. It's a little thing. Go ahead. 685 00:39:56,270 --> 00:39:58,124 All right. I'll open it. 686 00:39:59,725 --> 00:40:02,028 - What the fuck is this? - It's actually pretty good. 687 00:40:02,030 --> 00:40:03,915 - What is the matter with you? - Have you seen it? 688 00:40:03,917 --> 00:40:06,443 - Are you crazy? - It was made by this Danish woman 689 00:40:06,445 --> 00:40:10,890 in the '70s. It's probably not what you're used to looking at, but it's pretty hot. 690 00:40:10,892 --> 00:40:14,506 OK. Look, I have a girlfriend, all right? So... 691 00:40:14,508 --> 00:40:18,217 I'm sorry, did you think I was hitting on you? Because I'm not. 692 00:40:18,219 --> 00:40:21,385 - Will you just take this? - I didn't mean for it to be a big thing. 693 00:40:21,387 --> 00:40:24,744 I thought you could use something better than that shit you're watching on your phone. 694 00:40:24,746 --> 00:40:27,560 - (SCOFFS) - Am I right? 695 00:40:27,562 --> 00:40:30,375 If you have a girlfriend, why are you watching dirty movies? 696 00:40:30,377 --> 00:40:32,743 - What? - I'm just asking. 697 00:40:32,745 --> 00:40:35,847 - You're fucking weird, you know that? - I don't entirely disagree, 698 00:40:35,849 --> 00:40:37,606 but you're the one who's gonna pretend you're texting 699 00:40:37,608 --> 00:40:39,622 while you watch people pretend they're fucking on your phone! 700 00:40:39,624 --> 00:40:41,894 The shit I watch on here, they're not pretending. 701 00:40:41,896 --> 00:40:44,389 Of course they are. 702 00:40:46,246 --> 00:40:48,581 (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) 703 00:40:52,390 --> 00:40:54,532 (WHISPERING) Forgive us our trespasses... 704 00:40:54,534 --> 00:40:58,275 ...as we forgive those... who trespass against us... 705 00:40:58,277 --> 00:41:03,139 ...and lead us not... into temptation... 706 00:41:03,141 --> 00:41:04,547 ...but deliver us from evil... 707 00:41:04,549 --> 00:41:06,274 - Baby? - Huh? 708 00:41:06,276 --> 00:41:09,026 What are you doing? You talking to yourself? 709 00:41:09,028 --> 00:41:11,202 - Yo, Jonny, you coming out tonight? - That's dubious. 710 00:41:11,204 --> 00:41:13,793 I'm gonna wait for Barbara to call. We're gonna meet up for dinner. 711 00:41:13,795 --> 00:41:16,161 - This fucking guy. Come on! - What did you think he was gonna say? 712 00:41:16,163 --> 00:41:18,880 I thought he still had a pair of balls hanging between his legs. 713 00:41:18,882 --> 00:41:21,792 You sound so fucking stupid to me right now, I feel sorry for you. 714 00:41:21,794 --> 00:41:23,840 - Fuck you. - I do. I feel sorry for you. 715 00:41:23,842 --> 00:41:26,399 You never been in love, so you don't know what you're talking about. 716 00:41:26,401 --> 00:41:28,447 Hold up. Wait a minute. In love? 717 00:41:28,449 --> 00:41:30,943 When you really love a girl, there's a lot that goes into it. 718 00:41:30,945 --> 00:41:32,926 - You're saying you love her? - Of course I love her. 719 00:41:32,928 --> 00:41:35,774 - I never heard you say you loved her. - You weren't paying attention. 720 00:41:35,776 --> 00:41:38,686 I've been in love with this girl since the first time I saw her. 721 00:41:38,688 --> 00:41:40,701 Why would I wanna go out and try to pull randoms? 722 00:41:40,703 --> 00:41:42,653 None of 'em are gonna look as good as my girl, 723 00:41:42,655 --> 00:41:44,541 none of 'em are gonna fuck me as good as my girl. 724 00:41:44,543 --> 00:41:46,333 - Really? - Yeah, really. 725 00:41:46,335 --> 00:41:48,572 - So she's good? - What did I say? Yeah, she's good. 726 00:41:48,574 --> 00:41:50,332 - She's the best. - So you titty-fuck her? 727 00:41:50,334 --> 00:41:53,947 Bro, she lets me do whatever the fuck I want. 728 00:41:53,949 --> 00:41:56,443 This is what I'm trying to tell you, if you would listen to me. 729 00:41:56,445 --> 00:42:00,283 I'm telling you guys something. You be a man, you do the right thing, 730 00:42:00,285 --> 00:42:03,450 you find the right girl and you treat her the right way? 731 00:42:03,452 --> 00:42:06,682 Watch what happens. Best sex of your life. 732 00:42:06,684 --> 00:42:07,737 Hey, baby. 733 00:42:07,739 --> 00:42:10,361 - Hey. - Hi. 734 00:42:10,363 --> 00:42:14,169 - I love it when you wear this shit. - Oh, you're crazy. 735 00:42:17,049 --> 00:42:19,000 - You good? - Yeah. You order anything yet? 736 00:42:19,002 --> 00:42:21,431 - No, I waited for you. - Sweet. 737 00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:25,719 - Oh, fuck! - Who's that? 738 00:42:25,721 --> 00:42:29,078 It's Linda. She's been fighting with Chris. 739 00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:30,998 I don't think they're gonna work out. 740 00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:34,230 - You remember Linda and Chris, yeah? - Yeah, yeah. 741 00:42:34,232 --> 00:42:37,685 - I thought they were cute together, no? - Sure. They seemed pretty good. 742 00:42:37,687 --> 00:42:40,917 She's 28 years old. She put like four years into the guy already. It's terrible. 743 00:42:40,919 --> 00:42:43,796 - (MOANING) - How did you get off work tonight? 744 00:42:43,798 --> 00:42:45,684 I got Stevie to cover my shift. 745 00:42:45,686 --> 00:42:47,924 - Stevie? - Yeah, he needed the hours. 746 00:42:47,926 --> 00:42:51,123 - I don't think I know Stevie, no? - I don't think you met him. 747 00:42:51,125 --> 00:42:54,899 - Oh! I wish somebody would cover for me. - See? What did I tell you? 748 00:42:54,900 --> 00:42:57,330 The service industry, it's not a bad thing. 749 00:42:57,332 --> 00:42:59,282 Come on, you're gonna look so good in a suit. 750 00:42:59,284 --> 00:43:01,490 - I don't know. - What? Please. 751 00:43:01,492 --> 00:43:03,313 If Armando can do it, that man is such an asshole. 752 00:43:03,315 --> 00:43:06,449 - (MOANING) - He treats women like they're trash, but... 753 00:43:06,451 --> 00:43:09,809 ...he makes six figures. 754 00:43:09,811 --> 00:43:13,104 Well, he's got a pretty good life, no? If he could do it, you could do it. 755 00:43:13,106 --> 00:43:16,016 - (MOANING) - Hey, baby. 756 00:43:16,017 --> 00:43:19,854 You're a winner, right? You respect people. 757 00:43:19,856 --> 00:43:21,391 - You listen to people. - (MOANING) 758 00:43:21,393 --> 00:43:24,462 - You think so? - I know so, mister. 759 00:43:24,464 --> 00:43:26,926 (MOANING) 760 00:43:42,637 --> 00:43:43,692 (HORN HONKING) 761 00:43:43,694 --> 00:43:46,635 Fucking 'caused it! Fuck! 762 00:44:24,583 --> 00:44:27,813 (PHONE VIBRATING) 763 00:44:32,774 --> 00:44:34,660 Hi, babe. 764 00:44:34,662 --> 00:44:37,508 I don't know which ones to get. Baby, what do you think? 765 00:44:37,509 --> 00:44:40,548 That depends. You gonna drill into your wall? 766 00:44:40,550 --> 00:44:42,243 I don't know. 767 00:44:42,245 --> 00:44:44,930 - You don't have a drill, do you? - No. 768 00:44:44,932 --> 00:44:48,034 Nah, I didn't think so. My dad has got a pretty good one. 769 00:44:48,036 --> 00:44:50,146 If you want me, I can borrow his, I'll do it for you. 770 00:44:50,148 --> 00:44:54,466 - You gonna drill into my wall for me? - Whatever you want, babe. 771 00:44:56,610 --> 00:44:59,617 You decide what color. I'm gonna meet you at the registers. 772 00:44:59,619 --> 00:45:01,599 I wanna pick up a few things in cleaning products. 773 00:45:01,601 --> 00:45:02,976 Where are you going? 774 00:45:02,978 --> 00:45:04,544 - What? - Where are you going? 775 00:45:04,546 --> 00:45:06,368 I'm almost out of Swiffer pads. I'm gonna pick a few up. 776 00:45:06,370 --> 00:45:08,192 - (LAUGHS) What pads? - For the Swiffer. 777 00:45:08,194 --> 00:45:10,815 - I don't know what that is. - You don't know the Swiffer? 778 00:45:10,817 --> 00:45:12,863 - What is that? No. - Seriously? It's the best. 779 00:45:12,865 --> 00:45:14,815 You gotta try it. What do you do for your floors? 780 00:45:14,817 --> 00:45:16,957 You got those nice floors at your place. What, do you mop? 781 00:45:16,959 --> 00:45:20,350 - No. - What do you do? 782 00:45:20,351 --> 00:45:24,061 - I don't know. I sweep it up with a broom. - No, I mean to really clean it. 783 00:45:24,063 --> 00:45:27,420 - I don't know. The housekeeper does it. - Oh, right. 784 00:45:27,422 --> 00:45:30,012 - Listen, I'll just be a second, OK? - No, no, no. Come here. 785 00:45:30,014 --> 00:45:32,892 - What? - You're not gonna go buy a mop right now. 786 00:45:32,894 --> 00:45:35,260 - It's embarrassing. - No, I told you, it's not a mop. 787 00:45:35,262 --> 00:45:37,018 - It's these pads. - I don't care. 788 00:45:37,020 --> 00:45:38,811 You shouldn't be doing your own housework. 789 00:45:38,813 --> 00:45:40,635 - Why not? - 'Cause you're a grown man. 790 00:45:40,637 --> 00:45:42,778 You shouldn't be cleaning your own floors. 791 00:45:42,780 --> 00:45:44,441 Why? I enjoy doing it. 792 00:45:44,443 --> 00:45:46,298 You know what? I'll call Rosa. She'll do your place. 793 00:45:46,300 --> 00:45:49,082 - Who? - Rosa, my cleaning lady, she's great. 794 00:45:49,084 --> 00:45:51,481 Babe, no. Thanks, but I like doing it myself. 795 00:45:51,483 --> 00:45:53,881 Are you kidding me? You don't got to be doing that. 796 00:45:53,883 --> 00:45:56,377 She won't do it right anyway. You gotta vacuum my carpet a certain way, 797 00:45:56,379 --> 00:45:58,936 - or else it looks... - Don't talk about vacuuming in front of me. 798 00:45:58,938 --> 00:46:01,816 - Why? What's wrong? - Why? Because it's not sexy, that's why. 799 00:46:01,818 --> 00:46:03,895 You're not listening to me. I like my place, OK? 800 00:46:03,897 --> 00:46:05,495 I'm proud of it, I like to take care of it. 801 00:46:05,497 --> 00:46:06,583 I don't care. We're not having 802 00:46:06,585 --> 00:46:07,959 this discussion right now. 803 00:46:07,961 --> 00:46:09,687 There's only a few things I really care about... 804 00:46:09,689 --> 00:46:12,406 We're not talking about this anymore. 805 00:46:17,495 --> 00:46:20,149 - Fine, let's drop it. - Good. 806 00:46:22,678 --> 00:46:24,917 Those ones. 807 00:46:24,918 --> 00:46:27,156 - You want those? - Yeah. 808 00:46:29,941 --> 00:46:31,892 Come here. Listen to me. 809 00:46:31,893 --> 00:46:35,379 When we're living together, you're not... 810 00:46:35,381 --> 00:46:38,515 ...going to be doing... any cleaning. 811 00:46:39,410 --> 00:46:41,233 Come on. 812 00:46:53,297 --> 00:46:57,424 Jon? Excuse me. Look, I know you don't wanna talk to me. 813 00:46:57,426 --> 00:46:59,215 I would leave you alone, but I swear to God, 814 00:46:59,217 --> 00:47:01,455 I just fell asleep during that entire class. 815 00:47:01,457 --> 00:47:04,399 The whole fucking thing. Can I copy your notes? 816 00:47:04,401 --> 00:47:07,822 I'd ask somebody else, but everyone in the class are like children. 817 00:47:07,824 --> 00:47:11,918 I'm not calling you old. It'll take like five minutes... 818 00:47:11,920 --> 00:47:14,828 - Do you mind? - Fine. 819 00:47:14,830 --> 00:47:17,741 Thank you so much. Do you wanna go somewhere? There's a café... 820 00:47:17,743 --> 00:47:20,397 My girlfriend's waiting at home, so... 821 00:47:20,399 --> 00:47:23,404 Oh. OK, well, then I'll... OK, I'll do this. 822 00:47:31,051 --> 00:47:35,210 I really shouldn't get so high after lunch if I'm gonna be coming here later. 823 00:47:36,715 --> 00:47:38,954 You're probably right. 824 00:47:38,956 --> 00:47:43,401 - It is pretty boring, don't you think? - What? 825 00:47:43,403 --> 00:47:47,560 - I said this class is pretty fucking boring. - Oh. Yep. 826 00:47:47,562 --> 00:47:50,056 Like they're teaching you to be a robot. 827 00:47:53,064 --> 00:47:56,167 - Why are you here? - Hm? 828 00:47:56,169 --> 00:47:59,719 - Why did you pick this class? - I didn't. 829 00:47:59,721 --> 00:48:01,767 What? 830 00:48:01,768 --> 00:48:05,030 No, it seemed like a good idea. I'm in the service industry now. 831 00:48:05,032 --> 00:48:07,494 - You mean you're a waiter? - No. 832 00:48:07,496 --> 00:48:09,765 - Bartender? - Yeah, so, if you wanna move up, 833 00:48:09,767 --> 00:48:11,716 - you gotta go to school. - Right. 834 00:48:11,718 --> 00:48:17,123 But what do you mean you didn't pick this class? 835 00:48:17,125 --> 00:48:19,908 - No, I did. - Did somebody pick it for you? 836 00:48:19,909 --> 00:48:22,275 - No! - Was it your parents or your girlfriend? 837 00:48:22,277 --> 00:48:24,163 - What is it with you? Huh? - No, I just... 838 00:48:24,165 --> 00:48:26,562 - I was wondering... - I'm doing something polite... 839 00:48:26,564 --> 00:48:28,834 That's mine. 840 00:48:28,836 --> 00:48:31,426 OK. Sorry. 841 00:48:34,690 --> 00:48:37,314 Jesus! (LAUGHS) 842 00:48:37,316 --> 00:48:41,857 - Oh, man! Oh, God! - (ENGINE REVVING) 843 00:48:47,072 --> 00:48:50,815 - Hey, baby. - Hi, Jon. 844 00:48:50,817 --> 00:48:53,919 What's wrong? 845 00:48:53,921 --> 00:48:56,351 Remember when we first started dating? 846 00:48:56,353 --> 00:49:00,157 What's the one thing I asked? I said, "Don't lie to me." 847 00:49:00,159 --> 00:49:03,262 - All right, who's talking shit about me? - Nobody said anything. 848 00:49:03,264 --> 00:49:07,773 - You gotta help me out... - You looked at 46 porno sites today, Jon. 849 00:49:07,775 --> 00:49:10,108 - Just today. - I don't know what you're talking about. 850 00:49:10,110 --> 00:49:12,860 - Don't fucking lie to me! - I don't know who told you that! 851 00:49:12,862 --> 00:49:15,388 Nobody said anything. It's right there in your history! 852 00:49:15,390 --> 00:49:18,684 All you do is look at porno. That's all you fucking do! 853 00:49:18,686 --> 00:49:23,067 - Wait, wait. My what? - It's in your history. 854 00:49:23,069 --> 00:49:25,243 In your browser? 855 00:49:25,245 --> 00:49:27,930 Come on, don't tell me you don't know what your history is. 856 00:49:27,932 --> 00:49:30,842 No. Of course you don't, 'cause if you did, you would have erased it, 857 00:49:30,844 --> 00:49:32,154 like a good little phony. Here. 858 00:49:32,155 --> 00:49:36,792 There. Go ahead, look. Go ahead. 859 00:49:41,017 --> 00:49:43,767 - Baby, I... - Please, no, don't call me that. 860 00:49:43,769 --> 00:49:46,712 - I love you. - Don't ever say that to me, ever again. 861 00:49:46,714 --> 00:49:49,110 - What do you want me to say? - What do I want you to say? 862 00:49:49,112 --> 00:49:52,502 How about, "I'm sorry I've been lying to you since the first day" 863 00:49:52,504 --> 00:49:55,125 - that we started dating"? How about that? - I'm sorry. I am. 864 00:49:55,127 --> 00:49:57,749 How about, "I'm sorry I have more sex 865 00:49:57,751 --> 00:49:59,669 with that thing than I do with my girlfriend"? 866 00:49:59,671 --> 00:50:02,964 First of all, everybody watches porn, OK? All guys. 867 00:50:02,966 --> 00:50:04,853 Any guy tells you he doesn't is lying to you. 868 00:50:04,855 --> 00:50:06,773 - You are so full of shit! - Second of all... 869 00:50:06,775 --> 00:50:10,356 - You are full of shit! - Second of all, you know damn well 870 00:50:10,358 --> 00:50:12,243 - we do it all the fucking time! - Yeah, I know we do. 871 00:50:12,245 --> 00:50:14,996 - Whenever you want! - So what the fuck is wrong with you? 872 00:50:14,997 --> 00:50:17,394 What the fuck are you doing? How do you watch that shit? 873 00:50:17,396 --> 00:50:19,699 I don't know! OK? I don't know! 874 00:50:19,701 --> 00:50:22,290 How do you watch all the stupid fucking movies you watch? 875 00:50:22,292 --> 00:50:24,177 How do I watch movies? What are you talking about? 876 00:50:24,179 --> 00:50:26,738 I'm saying, you probably watch that shit as much as I watch porn. 877 00:50:26,740 --> 00:50:28,817 What are you saying? That has nothing to do with anything! 878 00:50:28,819 --> 00:50:32,337 - I'm just saying... - Jon, movies and porno are different! 879 00:50:32,339 --> 00:50:35,057 - They give awards for movies! - They give awards for porn too. 880 00:50:35,059 --> 00:50:37,424 Shut up! Shut the fuck up! 881 00:50:41,904 --> 00:50:44,207 I can't believe we're talking about this. 882 00:50:44,209 --> 00:50:46,254 I'm sorry. Jesus. Look, stop it. 883 00:50:46,256 --> 00:50:49,103 I don't know, I don't know what's wrong with me. 884 00:50:57,261 --> 00:51:01,196 I'm sorry, OK? I... I'm sorry. I am so sorry... 885 00:51:01,198 --> 00:51:02,637 (GRUNTS) 886 00:51:06,060 --> 00:51:08,843 I really liked you, you know? 887 00:51:15,755 --> 00:51:18,825 I thought you were different. 888 00:51:18,827 --> 00:51:20,745 But you're not. 889 00:51:28,553 --> 00:51:30,889 (DOOR SLAMS) 890 00:51:41,031 --> 00:51:45,605 - (COMPUTER CHIMES) - JON: So up until now, my record was ten in one day. 891 00:51:45,607 --> 00:51:49,382 And for a long time, I thought I'd never beat that. But today... 892 00:51:49,384 --> 00:51:52,805 - ...I hit 11. - (WOMEN MOANING) 893 00:51:54,374 --> 00:51:57,765 JON: And you know, when I have great fucking days like this, 894 00:51:57,767 --> 00:52:01,956 it just reminds me how much I love being single. 895 00:52:01,958 --> 00:52:04,963 - I do what I want, when I want. - (WOMEN MOANING) 896 00:52:04,965 --> 00:52:08,642 I don't have to flake on my friends anymore. 897 00:52:08,644 --> 00:52:11,299 I don't have to waste my time in a fucking classroom. 898 00:52:11,301 --> 00:52:15,105 It just feels good, like... like I got my own life back. 899 00:52:15,107 --> 00:52:18,722 - (MOANING) - I mean, you think I could have hit 11 900 00:52:18,723 --> 00:52:21,601 when I was with Barbara? No! Definitely not. 901 00:52:23,521 --> 00:52:25,824 So... 902 00:52:25,826 --> 00:52:29,631 (HIP-HOP PLAYS) 903 00:52:42,175 --> 00:52:45,566 - Jonny-boy! - Jesus, bro, I can smell it on you already. 904 00:52:45,568 --> 00:52:47,934 - You got to catch up, baby! - You mean I got to buy your poor ass 905 00:52:47,936 --> 00:52:51,005 - a fucking drink? - Yo, the Don mad anxious tonight. 906 00:52:51,006 --> 00:52:52,508 - Fuck you! - Where's wifey? 907 00:52:52,510 --> 00:52:55,260 - Fuck that bitch. - Oh, shit! 908 00:52:55,262 --> 00:52:56,795 - Damn, OK! - All right. 909 00:52:56,797 --> 00:52:58,748 You can't have this one, 'cause I saw her first, 910 00:52:58,750 --> 00:53:04,155 - but check out pink. - JON: Yeah. She's all right. 911 00:53:04,956 --> 00:53:08,891 (HIP-HOP PLAYS) 912 00:53:21,401 --> 00:53:23,704 - Hey, fuck you, buddy! - MAN: Fuck you! 913 00:53:23,706 --> 00:53:28,215 What'd you say? Huh? What the fuck did you just say?! Hey! 914 00:53:28,217 --> 00:53:31,223 You wanna say some shit? Let's hear it, you fat fuck! What did you say?! 915 00:53:31,225 --> 00:53:35,927 - MAN: I said fuck you! - Fuck me, huh? Fuck me? 916 00:53:35,929 --> 00:53:39,797 Is that what you said?! Huh? Huh? You fuck! Ah! 917 00:53:39,799 --> 00:53:43,637 - Fuck! Goddamn it! Fuck! - (CAR HORN HONKING) 918 00:53:52,276 --> 00:53:54,964 (ORGAN PLAYS SOMBER MELODY) 919 00:53:58,035 --> 00:54:00,146 JON: In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen. 920 00:54:00,148 --> 00:54:02,770 - PRIEST: Amen. Bless you, my son. - Forgive me, Father, 921 00:54:02,772 --> 00:54:04,754 for I have sinned. It has been one week since my last confession. 922 00:54:04,756 --> 00:54:06,673 - Jonny, where were you? - Don't worry about it. 923 00:54:06,675 --> 00:54:08,210 - What did you do to your...? - Mom, it's fine. 924 00:54:08,212 --> 00:54:11,153 - Shh! - Hey, hush yourself! 925 00:54:11,155 --> 00:54:13,392 Mom! It's fine. OK? 926 00:54:13,394 --> 00:54:18,320 - PRIEST: Tell me your sins. - Father, I don't know what happened, but... 927 00:54:18,322 --> 00:54:21,552 ...I guess I lost my temper and I... 928 00:54:21,554 --> 00:54:24,495 I punched through this guy's window on my way here right now. 929 00:54:24,497 --> 00:54:27,438 I didn't hurt anybody, but... 930 00:54:27,440 --> 00:54:30,254 Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with me. 931 00:54:31,759 --> 00:54:35,182 Also, I watched pornographic videos and masturbated 35 times. 932 00:54:35,183 --> 00:54:38,830 For these and all the sins of my life, I'm sorry. 933 00:54:38,832 --> 00:54:42,124 - Twenty Lord's Prayers and 25 Hail Marys. - Thank you, Father. 934 00:54:42,126 --> 00:54:45,004 PRIEST: Through the ministry of the Church, may God give you pardon and peace. 935 00:54:45,006 --> 00:54:48,747 I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. 936 00:54:48,749 --> 00:54:50,059 Amen. 937 00:54:50,061 --> 00:54:51,883 So Barbara couldn't come tonight? 938 00:54:51,885 --> 00:54:54,283 No, she had this family thing tonight. 939 00:54:54,285 --> 00:54:56,459 But she wanted to make it, she just couldn't. 940 00:54:56,461 --> 00:54:59,594 - She told me to say hello to you guys. - That's sweet. 941 00:54:59,596 --> 00:55:01,858 Everything good with the two of you? 942 00:55:03,434 --> 00:55:06,889 - Yeah, she's great. - ANGIE: She's a catch, Jonny. 943 00:55:06,891 --> 00:55:09,224 Beautiful girl. 944 00:55:09,226 --> 00:55:13,640 I'm telling you, a woman like that make a boy into a man. 945 00:55:13,642 --> 00:55:15,943 I can see it on you too, it's starting. 946 00:55:21,479 --> 00:55:23,943 (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) 947 00:55:26,983 --> 00:55:29,253 (WHISPERING) Holy Mary... 948 00:55:30,086 --> 00:55:31,781 ...Mother of God... 949 00:55:32,838 --> 00:55:34,981 ...pray for us sinners... 950 00:55:36,774 --> 00:55:38,468 ...now... 951 00:55:39,525 --> 00:55:41,444 ...and at the hour of our death. 952 00:55:43,460 --> 00:55:45,251 Amen. 953 00:55:49,891 --> 00:55:52,258 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 954 00:55:58,978 --> 00:56:02,369 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 955 00:56:02,371 --> 00:56:04,320 What the fuck? 956 00:56:14,561 --> 00:56:17,151 - The fuck you doing here? - Damn, really? 957 00:56:17,153 --> 00:56:20,638 - Bro, I'm busy. - Word, what you doing? 958 00:56:20,640 --> 00:56:24,766 Right. Just 'cause you don't pick up your phone don't make you busy. 959 00:56:27,486 --> 00:56:30,333 - You smashed up somebody's car? - Who told you that? 960 00:56:30,335 --> 00:56:34,973 Kerry's sister said she heard you broke through some guy's window. 961 00:56:34,975 --> 00:56:36,668 - Well, did you? - The guy was a fucking asshole. 962 00:56:36,670 --> 00:56:38,395 - What did he do? - Why you taking his side? 963 00:56:38,397 --> 00:56:40,251 - I'm not taking his side. - You are. 964 00:56:40,253 --> 00:56:43,195 Stop and think for a second. Stop and think for a second. 965 00:56:43,197 --> 00:56:46,491 I don't care about that guy, I don't give a damn about his car. Fuck him. 966 00:56:46,493 --> 00:56:48,155 What do you think I'm doing here, man? 967 00:56:48,156 --> 00:56:50,842 - You wanna have a seat? - Bro, honestly... 968 00:56:50,844 --> 00:56:53,210 Man, sit your ass down. 969 00:56:59,065 --> 00:57:01,849 - All right, what happened with your girl? - Fuck that bitch. 970 00:57:01,851 --> 00:57:04,216 - You said that already. What, she drop you? - No. 971 00:57:04,218 --> 00:57:06,871 No? You drop her? After all that, she cheat on you? 972 00:57:06,873 --> 00:57:08,791 - No! - So, what happened? 973 00:57:08,793 --> 00:57:10,615 Nothing! It's so fucking stupid. 974 00:57:10,617 --> 00:57:12,087 That's what I'm saying, she's a bitch. 975 00:57:12,089 --> 00:57:13,719 She did drop your ass. 976 00:57:13,720 --> 00:57:16,247 - What did you do, man? You cheat on her? - No! 977 00:57:16,249 --> 00:57:19,798 All right, you wanna hear this shit? It's so fucking retarded. 978 00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:22,165 She caught me watching porn. 979 00:57:22,167 --> 00:57:24,309 - That's it? - Right? 980 00:57:24,311 --> 00:57:26,550 - That's bullshit. - Swear to God. 981 00:57:26,551 --> 00:57:30,676 Oh, my God! OK, hold on, hold on, all right. 982 00:57:30,678 --> 00:57:34,963 So after all that obligatory shit, the friend mixing and meeting her folks, 983 00:57:34,965 --> 00:57:38,483 she just walks in on you, you know, beating your meat to a little video 984 00:57:38,485 --> 00:57:40,275 - and she's out? - You don't know her. 985 00:57:40,277 --> 00:57:42,866 - She's crazy, she's a princess. - Goddamn! 986 00:57:42,868 --> 00:57:46,610 - I know. - No, for real, that's some crazy bullshit right there. 987 00:57:46,612 --> 00:57:50,513 - Fuck that bitch. - Yeah. Fuck that bitch. 988 00:57:52,178 --> 00:57:55,664 But you still gonna finish that class? 989 00:57:55,666 --> 00:57:57,648 - Really? - What are you, my mom? 990 00:57:57,650 --> 00:58:00,144 No, I just thought it was almost done. How much longer you got? 991 00:58:00,146 --> 00:58:04,271 TEACHER: All right, everyone, three more weeks until the final. 992 00:58:04,273 --> 00:58:08,718 If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to e-mail me. Have a good night. 993 00:58:26,093 --> 00:58:29,547 - JON: Hey. - ESTHER: Hi. 994 00:58:29,549 --> 00:58:32,811 - JON: Where you going? - ESTHER: To my car. 995 00:58:32,813 --> 00:58:36,267 (MOANING) 996 00:58:36,269 --> 00:58:38,378 - JON: Oh, shit! - ESTHER: OK. 997 00:58:38,380 --> 00:58:41,226 JON: No, we're fine, we're fine, we're fine. 998 00:58:41,228 --> 00:58:43,721 (JON GRUNTING) 999 00:58:43,723 --> 00:58:45,897 Oh, my God! 1000 00:58:53,833 --> 00:58:57,064 Should've smoked this before, you might've relaxed a little. 1001 00:58:57,066 --> 00:58:59,591 What's that supposed to mean? 1002 00:58:59,593 --> 00:59:04,007 I'm playing with you. Trust me, I'm a perfectly satisfied customer. 1003 00:59:04,009 --> 00:59:07,206 - You want some? - Thanks. 1004 00:59:10,919 --> 00:59:13,605 So I'm parked all the way on the other side. I don't know if you want... 1005 00:59:13,606 --> 00:59:17,605 I know, you wanna get back, so let me enjoy this and I'll drive you back to your car. 1006 00:59:17,607 --> 00:59:19,492 OK. 1007 00:59:21,477 --> 00:59:25,347 - So, what happened with your girlfriend? - Fuck that bitch. 1008 00:59:25,349 --> 00:59:28,867 - That bad? She find somebody else? - No. 1009 00:59:28,869 --> 00:59:32,322 Wanna know what happened? I'll tell you what happened. 1010 00:59:32,324 --> 00:59:35,490 She snooped around on my computer, she found out I watch porn. 1011 00:59:35,492 --> 00:59:38,338 I told her every fucking guy watches porn, she didn't believe me. 1012 00:59:38,340 --> 00:59:42,433 She acted like I was cheating on her or something, which I wasn't. 1013 00:59:42,435 --> 00:59:44,705 So... we broke up. 1014 00:59:44,707 --> 00:59:47,392 And you know what? I'm glad we did. 1015 00:59:48,609 --> 00:59:50,944 - Just porn? - Yeah. 1016 00:59:50,946 --> 00:59:53,855 - No, I don't buy it. - I'm telling you. That's all. 1017 00:59:53,857 --> 00:59:57,215 Was it just once? Oh. 1018 00:59:57,217 --> 01:00:01,566 OK. So she caught you once, which is why you're watching it on your phone at school, 1019 01:00:01,568 --> 01:00:03,934 'cause you're hiding it from her, but she caught you the second time. 1020 01:00:03,936 --> 01:00:08,093 I don't know. Am I right? I'm just guessing, but... 1021 01:00:08,095 --> 01:00:13,053 Oh, God, you're like a junkie. You can't stop. 1022 01:00:13,055 --> 01:00:15,356 - How often do you watch it? - What the fuck do you care? 1023 01:00:15,358 --> 01:00:20,668 - No, like every day? - Every guy watches porn every day. 1024 01:00:20,670 --> 01:00:24,731 All right. When was the last time you went a day without it? 1025 01:00:24,733 --> 01:00:26,779 - I don't know. - No, come on, try and think. 1026 01:00:26,781 --> 01:00:29,338 - Seriously, I have no idea. - Like this week, like this month? 1027 01:00:29,340 --> 01:00:33,178 No. I like my porn, OK? I watch it every day. I always have. 1028 01:00:33,180 --> 01:00:36,601 Maybe when I was a kid, like before I had a VCR in my room and I couldn't, 1029 01:00:36,603 --> 01:00:39,865 but even then I had Playboys, so... 1030 01:00:39,867 --> 01:00:42,200 - Have you ever thought about quitting? - Quit...? 1031 01:00:42,202 --> 01:00:47,640 - You're talking about it like... No, why would I? - OK, let me ask you this. 1032 01:00:47,642 --> 01:00:50,935 You're a good-looking guy, I'm sure you attract a lot of young ladies. 1033 01:00:50,937 --> 01:00:53,463 Why bother with porn when you can have the real thing? 1034 01:00:53,465 --> 01:00:55,702 Nah, see, it's not the same thing. 1035 01:00:55,704 --> 01:00:58,390 I mean, real pussy's all good, but, no offense... 1036 01:00:58,392 --> 01:01:03,733 No, no, no offense taken. So you like porn better than sex? 1037 01:01:06,934 --> 01:01:09,077 Well, what is it? What do you get from porn 1038 01:01:09,079 --> 01:01:11,988 that you don't get from sex with an actual person? 1039 01:01:13,365 --> 01:01:16,340 - I lose myself. - You lose yourself. 1040 01:01:16,342 --> 01:01:19,219 Yeah, just... goodbye. 1041 01:01:19,221 --> 01:01:23,059 - And that doesn't happen when you have sex. - I wish it did. 1042 01:01:23,061 --> 01:01:26,930 Sure, don't we all? Um... 1043 01:01:26,931 --> 01:01:30,609 OK. One more question, then I'll drive you back. 1044 01:01:30,611 --> 01:01:34,609 - You ever jerk off without porn? - What do you mean? 1045 01:01:56,111 --> 01:01:59,437 - (COMPUTER CHIMES) - JON: I'm not like a junkie. Come on, that's stupid. 1046 01:01:59,439 --> 01:02:02,029 It's porn, it's not fucking heroin. 1047 01:02:02,031 --> 01:02:07,243 I knew a few guys in high school who actually smoked crack, like all the time. 1048 01:02:07,245 --> 01:02:12,587 That's like a junkie. They couldn't stop. I could stop if I wanted to. I could. 1049 01:03:06,821 --> 01:03:08,195 - Hi. - Hey. 1050 01:03:08,197 --> 01:03:11,683 - Somebody's excited. - Yeah. Come on. 1051 01:03:11,685 --> 01:03:15,649 - I wanted to talk to you. - Yeah? What about? 1052 01:03:16,739 --> 01:03:18,594 Don't you wanna...? 1053 01:03:19,651 --> 01:03:22,560 Don't you wanna wait till after class? 1054 01:03:23,490 --> 01:03:25,344 OK. 1055 01:03:31,073 --> 01:03:32,767 All right. (LAUGHS) 1056 01:03:45,279 --> 01:03:48,893 You're... You're intense today. What's going on with you? 1057 01:03:48,895 --> 01:03:51,197 - I gotta talk to you. - I didn't think you meant that 1058 01:03:51,199 --> 01:03:53,084 - when you said it. - Well, I did. 1059 01:03:53,086 --> 01:03:56,701 Well, I'm flattered. What do you wanna talk about? 1060 01:03:56,703 --> 01:03:59,676 - (LAUGHS) - Um... 1061 01:03:59,678 --> 01:04:01,308 So you were right. 1062 01:04:01,310 --> 01:04:02,875 - About what, your girlfriend? - No. 1063 01:04:02,877 --> 01:04:05,562 I'm sorry. I was right about what? 1064 01:04:05,564 --> 01:04:08,538 - I stopped watching porn. - Oh, yeah? That's great! 1065 01:04:08,540 --> 01:04:10,106 - I don't know if it is. - No, it is. 1066 01:04:10,108 --> 01:04:12,346 I wasn't gonna stop, but then I was thinking about 1067 01:04:12,348 --> 01:04:16,121 what you asked me before, if I ever jerk off 1068 01:04:16,123 --> 01:04:18,969 without watching porn, and I tried to... 1069 01:04:18,971 --> 01:04:22,809 - Yeah? And you couldn't? - No, I couldn't. 1070 01:04:22,811 --> 01:04:25,656 I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been trying for a week, it's really fucked up. 1071 01:04:25,658 --> 01:04:31,670 - Oh, my God! You haven't cum in a week? - Mm... 1072 01:04:31,672 --> 01:04:36,567 OK, wait. No. I want to hear the rest of the story. 1073 01:04:38,232 --> 01:04:41,206 - So you haven't watched porn in a week. - Yeah. 1074 01:04:41,208 --> 01:04:45,109 - That's good. - What do you mean? You said you watched porn. 1075 01:04:45,111 --> 01:04:48,693 Uh, yeah, but that movie that I gave you was totally... 1076 01:04:48,695 --> 01:04:50,580 - Did you ever watch it? - No. 1077 01:04:50,582 --> 01:04:53,332 OK. It's totally unlike the stuff that I imagine you watch every day. 1078 01:04:53,334 --> 01:04:56,052 - That is not healthy. - What do you mean? How do you know? 1079 01:04:56,054 --> 01:04:59,059 Oh, my God, please! That stuff is ridiculous 1080 01:04:59,061 --> 01:05:02,802 and it's nothing to do with actual sex. That's why you have trouble with real women. 1081 01:05:02,804 --> 01:05:06,930 - No, I get off fine with real girls. - Yeah, you definitely do. 1082 01:05:06,932 --> 01:05:10,098 Yeah, I just couldn't get off beating it with my eyes closed. 1083 01:05:10,100 --> 01:05:14,928 But didn't you tell me last week that you like porn better than real sex? 1084 01:05:14,930 --> 01:05:20,080 Well, honey, I'm gonna be honest with you, 'cause it seems like that's what you want. 1085 01:05:20,082 --> 01:05:23,472 Look, the way you have sex, it's like totally one-sided. 1086 01:05:23,473 --> 01:05:26,191 It's like I'm not even there. 1087 01:05:26,193 --> 01:05:29,711 I mean, look, it's fine with me. I'm not complaining. 1088 01:05:29,713 --> 01:05:32,239 It just so happens that meaningless sex is something that I want in my life now, 1089 01:05:32,241 --> 01:05:35,789 but you said that you wanna lose yourself in sex. 1090 01:05:35,791 --> 01:05:39,885 If you wanna lose yourself, you have to lose yourself in another person. 1091 01:05:39,887 --> 01:05:44,461 And she has to lose herself in you. It's a two-way thing. 1092 01:05:50,765 --> 01:05:52,715 You know what? I shouldn't have said that. 1093 01:05:52,717 --> 01:05:54,987 - No, it's fine. - No, no, no. I'm sorry. I am. 1094 01:05:54,989 --> 01:05:58,826 - What are you talking about? - No. I'm really sorry. 1095 01:05:58,828 --> 01:06:01,002 I'm... I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. 1096 01:06:01,004 --> 01:06:04,329 - You didn't. That's fine. - No, I really didn't. 1097 01:06:06,443 --> 01:06:08,681 You know what? 1098 01:06:08,683 --> 01:06:10,665 Let's take a bath. 1099 01:06:10,667 --> 01:06:14,761 - What? Nah! - No, come on. It'll be nice. It'll be nice. 1100 01:06:14,763 --> 01:06:17,863 Come on, let's take a bath. 1101 01:06:22,153 --> 01:06:24,550 I'm gonna get you a towel. 1102 01:06:52,164 --> 01:06:55,202 (SOBBING SOFTLY) 1103 01:07:30,686 --> 01:07:32,925 Hey, where were you? 1104 01:07:32,927 --> 01:07:35,453 I used one of the towels that was in there, hope you don't mind. 1105 01:07:35,455 --> 01:07:37,373 Yeah, that's fine. 1106 01:07:37,375 --> 01:07:40,731 - What's wrong? - Nothing. 1107 01:07:42,621 --> 01:07:48,283 - You don't live here alone, do you? - I actually do. 1108 01:07:48,285 --> 01:07:53,817 There's some kind of... bad marriage situation here? 1109 01:07:53,819 --> 01:07:56,506 - No. - I know it's none of my business, sorry. 1110 01:07:56,508 --> 01:07:59,929 I don't wanna get caught out and now some guy's coming at me with a bat or some shit. 1111 01:07:59,931 --> 01:08:02,904 No, it's nothing like that. 1112 01:08:02,906 --> 01:08:05,817 All right. So, what is it? 1113 01:08:05,819 --> 01:08:08,696 Since when do you ask me personal questions? 1114 01:08:11,065 --> 01:08:12,951 Since right now. 1115 01:08:12,953 --> 01:08:16,055 - It really doesn't matter. - Well, it seems like it matters to you. 1116 01:08:16,056 --> 01:08:18,039 No, it doesn't. 1117 01:08:18,041 --> 01:08:22,645 Didn't you tell me it's sort of fucked up to keep stuff like this hidden? 1118 01:08:27,895 --> 01:08:33,012 My husband and my son died 14 months ago. 1119 01:08:33,014 --> 01:08:34,484 - Jesus! - Thank you. 1120 01:08:34,486 --> 01:08:36,083 What happened? 1121 01:08:36,085 --> 01:08:40,243 Cars are terrible things. 1122 01:08:40,245 --> 01:08:42,995 I'm sorry, but your hair is so much better this way. 1123 01:08:42,997 --> 01:08:45,842 - What? - I can touch it. 1124 01:08:45,844 --> 01:08:47,570 (LAUGHS) What are you talking about? 1125 01:08:47,572 --> 01:08:49,554 You put so much junk in your hair, 1126 01:08:49,556 --> 01:08:52,817 it's all sticky and hard, this is much better. 1127 01:09:49,386 --> 01:09:52,105 (CONDOM WRAPPER CRINKLING) 1128 01:10:01,001 --> 01:10:03,655 (SOFT PANTING) 1129 01:10:43,554 --> 01:10:46,689 (GASPING) 1130 01:11:02,975 --> 01:11:05,342 (ENGINE REVVING) 1131 01:11:05,344 --> 01:11:07,166 (HIP-HOP SONG PLAYS OVER STEREO) 1132 01:11:07,168 --> 01:11:10,558 (SINGING WITH RADIO) ♪ Good vibration 1133 01:11:10,559 --> 01:11:13,821 ♪ It's such a sweet sensation 1134 01:11:13,823 --> 01:11:17,789 ♪ It's such a good vibration ♪ 1135 01:11:17,791 --> 01:11:22,237 (RADIO) ♪ It's such a sweet sensation ♪ 1136 01:11:22,239 --> 01:11:24,123 (SINGING WITH RADIO) ♪ Yo! It's about that time 1137 01:11:24,125 --> 01:11:25,979 ♪ To bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme... ♪ 1138 01:11:25,981 --> 01:11:29,115 (CHURCH BELLS CHIMING) 1139 01:11:38,810 --> 01:11:40,826 (ORGAN PLAYS SOMBER MELODY) 1140 01:11:40,828 --> 01:11:43,098 JON: In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen. 1141 01:11:43,100 --> 01:11:45,528 - PRIEST: Amen. Bless you, my son. - Forgive me, Father, 1142 01:11:45,530 --> 01:11:48,120 for I have sinned. It has been one week since my last confession. 1143 01:11:48,122 --> 01:11:51,032 - PRIEST: Tell me your sins. - First of all, I lied to you before. 1144 01:11:51,034 --> 01:11:55,799 I told you that, uh... Well, actually, I don't know if it was you. 1145 01:11:55,801 --> 01:11:58,966 Something I've always kinda wondered is, is it the same guy I'm talking to every week 1146 01:11:58,968 --> 01:12:04,246 or there's a few of you and you switch off, or... how does that all work? 1147 01:12:06,518 --> 01:12:10,421 Well, anyway, I told the Father a while back 1148 01:12:10,423 --> 01:12:16,180 that I stopped watching pornography, but that was a lie, I didn't stop at all. 1149 01:12:16,182 --> 01:12:20,819 The thing is, this week I actually did stop, like totally just not doing it anymore. 1150 01:12:20,821 --> 01:12:24,339 So... 1151 01:12:24,341 --> 01:12:27,730 - PRIEST: Yes? - Yeah, so that's like zero for the week. 1152 01:12:27,732 --> 01:12:31,730 Other than that, I did have sex out of wedlock one time, 1153 01:12:31,732 --> 01:12:36,850 but it was different, it wasn't just sex, it was like... 1154 01:12:36,851 --> 01:12:41,649 I don't know, it's hard to explain, but... yeah, that's it. So... 1155 01:12:41,650 --> 01:12:45,552 For these and all the sins of my life, I am sorry. 1156 01:12:45,554 --> 01:12:47,535 PRIEST: Ten Lord's Prayers and ten Hail Marys. 1157 01:12:47,537 --> 01:12:49,519 Really? Same thing, no difference? 1158 01:12:49,521 --> 01:12:51,856 PRIEST: Through the ministry of the Church, may God give you... 1159 01:12:51,858 --> 01:12:54,158 Wait! Father, I'm really sorry, 1160 01:12:54,160 --> 01:12:57,263 but could you just tell me how you got to those numbers, please? 1161 01:12:57,265 --> 01:13:02,221 'Cause I... I really thought there was gonna be a difference this week. 1162 01:13:05,774 --> 01:13:08,076 PRIEST: Have faith, my son. 1163 01:13:08,078 --> 01:13:10,732 Through the ministry of the Church, may God give you pardon and peace, 1164 01:13:10,734 --> 01:13:15,500 and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. 1165 01:13:19,212 --> 01:13:24,042 - So, uh... me and Barbara split up. - ANGIE: What? 1166 01:13:24,044 --> 01:13:29,225 - Barbara and I split up. - I can't believe it, this is horrible! 1167 01:13:29,227 --> 01:13:31,466 - Can you get her back? - I don't think so. 1168 01:13:31,468 --> 01:13:33,641 - Did you try to call her? - She doesn't want me to call her. 1169 01:13:33,643 --> 01:13:35,848 - Look what you did. - Sorry. What do you want me to do? 1170 01:13:35,850 --> 01:13:39,432 I just want you to be happy, that's all! Is that too much to ask? 1171 01:13:39,434 --> 01:13:43,495 - I wasn't happy. - A nice wife and some nice kids? 1172 01:13:43,497 --> 01:13:46,151 Look at me! I look like a grandmother, 1173 01:13:46,153 --> 01:13:48,455 but do I have any grandchildren? No! 1174 01:13:48,457 --> 01:13:50,758 Am I a bad mother, is that what I'm hearing? 1175 01:13:50,760 --> 01:13:53,254 - Honey, calm down, please! - You know, Ma, I don't know 1176 01:13:53,256 --> 01:13:55,973 - if I really want a wife and kids. - What are you saying? 1177 01:13:55,975 --> 01:13:57,797 You don't mean that. 1178 01:13:57,799 --> 01:13:59,717 - Jon, say something! - JON SR.: All right! 1179 01:13:59,719 --> 01:14:02,309 Stop upsetting your mother! What the fuck is the matter with you? 1180 01:14:02,311 --> 01:14:04,612 - I don't know. - Having a family is the greatest joy 1181 01:14:04,614 --> 01:14:07,428 - in a man's life, everybody knows that! - Then maybe I'm not a man. 1182 01:14:07,430 --> 01:14:11,843 'Cause I sure don't want a family. Maybe one day, but not right now! 1183 01:14:11,845 --> 01:14:14,787 - Well, and that's all she wanted. - ANGIE: What did she say? 1184 01:14:14,789 --> 01:14:19,138 - SISTER: I said that girl... - I cannot hear any fucking thing! 1185 01:14:21,987 --> 01:14:24,929 - What are you saying? - All I'm saying is, that girl, 1186 01:14:24,931 --> 01:14:26,849 she has her own agenda. She doesn't care about Jonny, 1187 01:14:26,851 --> 01:14:28,833 she doesn't know the first thing about him. 1188 01:14:28,835 --> 01:14:31,648 She just wants a guy who's gonna do whatever she tells him to. 1189 01:14:31,650 --> 01:14:34,209 It is a good thing that she broke up with you. 1190 01:14:35,329 --> 01:14:39,135 - Thanks. - You're welcome. 1191 01:14:46,911 --> 01:14:51,230 - Jon, I will fucking kill you! - All right. Easy. 1192 01:14:55,710 --> 01:14:58,365 (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) 1193 01:15:09,468 --> 01:15:11,707 (TECHNO MUSIC FADES) 1194 01:15:23,514 --> 01:15:27,864 (SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) 1195 01:15:30,073 --> 01:15:32,600 (BOTH WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY) 1196 01:15:32,602 --> 01:15:38,167 All right, listen, listen, I gotta go, so I'll see you later? All right. Bye. 1197 01:15:38,169 --> 01:15:39,703 - Sorry. - That's cool. 1198 01:15:39,705 --> 01:15:42,390 - Sorry about that. - No problem. How you doing? 1199 01:15:42,392 --> 01:15:45,174 - A little windy. - Yeah, it's windy out here. 1200 01:15:45,176 --> 01:15:47,989 - So... I'm good. How are you? - Good, thanks. 1201 01:15:47,991 --> 01:15:50,869 - Everybody good? - Yeah, great. 1202 01:15:52,214 --> 01:15:54,804 - Thanks for meeting me. - Sure. 1203 01:15:54,806 --> 01:15:57,044 Hope you understand why I thought lunch was not a good idea. 1204 01:15:57,046 --> 01:15:58,708 That's fine. You want some coffee? 1205 01:15:58,710 --> 01:16:00,948 No, actually I gotta go pretty soon, so... 1206 01:16:04,116 --> 01:16:09,138 - (LAUGHS) You changed your hair? - Yeah... 1207 01:16:12,403 --> 01:16:14,802 - So? - Yeah, so... 1208 01:16:16,338 --> 01:16:19,057 I just wanted to apologize. 1209 01:16:19,059 --> 01:16:22,576 I lied to you, and I'm sorry for that. 1210 01:16:27,825 --> 01:16:30,479 Well, that's all you're gonna say? 1211 01:16:32,527 --> 01:16:35,887 I don't really know what I do with that. What do I say? 1212 01:16:35,889 --> 01:16:38,382 I forgive you, or we're supposed to get back together or something? 1213 01:16:38,384 --> 01:16:41,070 - No. No, I just wanted to tell you... - You're not capable 1214 01:16:41,072 --> 01:16:42,670 of a relationship, Jon. 1215 01:16:42,672 --> 01:16:46,413 - You're not. - No. Right now I'm not. 1216 01:16:46,415 --> 01:16:48,717 'Cause you're a selfish person, and you're a liar. 1217 01:16:48,719 --> 01:16:52,716 - Yeah, I was. I'm sorry. - I asked you to do one thing for me... 1218 01:16:52,718 --> 01:16:57,099 Yeah. I was thinking about that when you said it before. 1219 01:16:57,101 --> 01:17:00,715 Well, I said it because it's true, that's why. 1220 01:17:02,348 --> 01:17:05,866 - It's not true. - Really? 1221 01:17:05,868 --> 01:17:08,970 You didn't only ask me for one thing. You asked for a lot, 1222 01:17:08,972 --> 01:17:12,393 a lot of different things and then... 1223 01:17:12,395 --> 01:17:13,897 ...I couldn't do it all for you. 1224 01:17:13,899 --> 01:17:16,425 Well, when a real man loves a woman, 1225 01:17:16,427 --> 01:17:18,312 he doesn't mind doing things for her. 1226 01:17:18,314 --> 01:17:20,584 He'll do anything for her. 1227 01:17:20,586 --> 01:17:25,959 Yeah, but don't you think that sounds a little bit one-sided? 1228 01:17:25,961 --> 01:17:28,231 No, I don't. 1229 01:17:28,233 --> 01:17:31,910 But that's why you like to watch those whores in those videos, 1230 01:17:31,912 --> 01:17:34,022 because you don't gotta do anything for them, right? 1231 01:17:34,024 --> 01:17:39,269 Yeah, that's one-sided also. Definitely. 1232 01:17:40,614 --> 01:17:44,421 Look, sweetie, I'm gonna go, OK? 1233 01:17:47,141 --> 01:17:49,348 Don't call me anymore. 1234 01:17:57,412 --> 01:17:59,618 The streak is over, motherfucker! How's it feel? 1235 01:17:59,620 --> 01:18:02,722 - I'd rather get pizza with my boys. - That's new. 1236 01:18:02,724 --> 01:18:06,498 Every fucking time we go out, Don Jon smashes! 1237 01:18:06,499 --> 01:18:08,865 But not tonight, ladies and gentlemen. 1238 01:18:08,867 --> 01:18:11,937 The fans are devastated. Jonny, what happened? 1239 01:18:11,939 --> 01:18:14,144 Yeah! Well, I thought it was on with old crop top. 1240 01:18:14,146 --> 01:18:16,320 - No, that girl was annoying. - She was tight though. 1241 01:18:16,322 --> 01:18:18,176 - Eight. - Solid eight. 1242 01:18:18,178 --> 01:18:20,416 Her body was at least an eight, but you didn't talk to her. 1243 01:18:20,418 --> 01:18:22,814 - Who cares how she talks? - You asked why I didn't smash, 1244 01:18:22,816 --> 01:18:26,654 that's why I didn't smash. What about you? You were kicking it to pony-tail, right? 1245 01:18:26,656 --> 01:18:29,502 - How did it go? - You get her name? 1246 01:18:29,504 --> 01:18:32,509 - I got a number. - BOTH: Oh! Hey! 1247 01:18:32,511 --> 01:18:34,428 - You like that? - Fucking right I do! 1248 01:18:34,430 --> 01:18:39,069 - Easy, easy. Did you get her name? - Yeah! 1249 01:18:39,071 --> 01:18:40,573 Wait... 1250 01:18:42,493 --> 01:18:44,092 - Oh, fuck! - What? 1251 01:18:44,094 --> 01:18:45,628 I saved it as pony-tail. 1252 01:18:45,630 --> 01:18:48,252 - (LAUGHS) Danny-boy! - Danny-boy! 1253 01:18:48,254 --> 01:18:51,643 All right, all right, all right. Take it easy, take it easy. 1254 01:19:03,258 --> 01:19:05,081 JON: This fucking lady. 1255 01:19:05,083 --> 01:19:09,049 I don't usually like it when a girl looks me right in the eye, 1256 01:19:09,051 --> 01:19:10,744 and this girl does that a lot. 1257 01:19:10,746 --> 01:19:12,888 But I don't know what it is about her. 1258 01:19:12,890 --> 01:19:15,224 When she does it, I don't mind. 1259 01:19:15,226 --> 01:19:19,511 I just look right back at her, and pretty soon... 1260 01:19:19,513 --> 01:19:21,527 ...I'm hard as a fucking rock. 1261 01:19:21,529 --> 01:19:24,150 It's like she knows what I'm thinking. 1262 01:19:24,151 --> 01:19:27,030 Or I know what she's thinking, or... 1263 01:19:27,031 --> 01:19:31,093 I don't know, it's that two-way thing. I fucking love it. 1264 01:19:33,398 --> 01:19:37,556 And I don't mean love like, "I love her, I wanna marry her." 1265 01:19:37,558 --> 01:19:40,468 I'm definitely not thinking about all that shit. 1266 01:19:40,469 --> 01:19:43,156 And she's not either. 1267 01:19:44,084 --> 01:19:46,355 She can't. 1268 01:19:49,684 --> 01:19:52,594 I guess I just mean love like, 1269 01:19:52,595 --> 01:19:56,881 you know, like when we're making love. 1270 01:19:56,883 --> 01:20:01,361 And while we're doing it, all the bullshit does fade away, 1271 01:20:01,363 --> 01:20:04,464 and it's just me and her, right there, 1272 01:20:04,466 --> 01:20:07,984 and yeah, I do lose myself in her, 1273 01:20:07,986 --> 01:20:11,279 and I can tell she is losing herself in me, 1274 01:20:11,281 --> 01:20:16,879 and we're just fucking... lost together. 1275 01:20:25,359 --> 01:20:28,045 (HIP-HOP PLAYS) 1276 01:20:28,047 --> 01:20:30,509 ♪ It's such a good vibration 1277 01:20:30,511 --> 01:20:32,109 ♪ Come on, come on, come on 1278 01:20:32,111 --> 01:20:34,988 ♪ It's such a sweet sensation 1279 01:20:34,990 --> 01:20:39,180 - ♪ Feel it, feel it - ♪ It's such a good vibration ♪ 1280 01:20:39,182 --> 01:20:41,994 ♪ It's such a sweet sensation 1281 01:20:41,996 --> 01:20:46,826 - ♪ Feel the vibration - ♪ It's such a good vibration ♪ 1282 01:20:46,828 --> 01:20:50,570 ♪ It's such a sweet sensation 1283 01:20:50,572 --> 01:20:54,185 ♪ It's such a good vibration 1284 01:20:54,187 --> 01:20:59,784 ♪ It's such a sweet sensation ♪ 1285 01:21:02,281 --> 01:21:05,735 (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS) 1286 01:22:31,227 --> 01:22:34,171 (INSTRUMENTAL HIP-HOP PLAYS) 1287 01:22:55,576 --> 01:22:58,424 (ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS)