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"Special Native Comedy of NETFLIX"

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Hello my group

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Hello all

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Hi! Look at me and I move back and forth
To irritate the photographer.

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I am very pleased to be here with you tonight.

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Do you know why I am here?
I will tell you why.

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This actually happened.

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I used to start all my comedy shows
With "it's a great day for America"

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When I was on a tour around America,
I was saying, "It's a great day for (America)

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This is what I used to say, and then ...

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Almost by November ...

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Yup

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is not it

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Okay

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By November last year,

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I was saying, "It's a great day for (America)
And mad mad people!

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They quarrel among themselves!
So I started to move like this ...

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In anticipation of the presence of one among the audience
Holds sniper rifle.

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It is a very difficult time to talk about ...

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To do my work in comedy. Speaks comedian
People are very upset.

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The world is currently divided.

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70 percent of people are in a state of discontent.

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And 30 percent of people are mad.

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The situation has not changed.

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But the world lives
A split state of opinion now,

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It is very difficult to satisfy everyone.

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You understand what I mean, right?

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You know what I'm talking about here.

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That's true. For my neighborhood.

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But it is not a beard, group.
She is not a beard.

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It is a mustache with an accessory.

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I will tell you what happened.
Let my drink grow,

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Then I said, "This sounds very scary"
So

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So I had to make my hair grow more
The mustache is on the sides,

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But I can not make my neighborhood grow well.
Do you see? Look at this.

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My God! Hoping for your beard, you are the handsome villain.

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No, I'm talking about you, I'm not on TV.
I can see you in front of me.

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It's wonderful, if I had such a beard.
Look at her, what beautiful!

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Make your beard grow as easy as you need
For you, right?

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As if doing so ...

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And you get a beard!

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I started to make this beard grow two years ago!

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The mustache grows quickly
I tease myself and say, "Look at my drink!

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I look handsome but in a strange and frightening way

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Such as a child abductor
In the film "Cheetti Cheetti Bang Bang", but ...

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I heard that the beard takes a long time,
But I have ...

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This is a mustache with accessories.

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I have other mustaches all over my body.

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Really! I have a mustache
Under each nipple in my chest.

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I have Sharp Wiz Bang on my ass.

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Sharp "Wiz Bang". You know what it is, right?

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It is a curved mustache with two twisted ends.
Sharp "Wiz Bang".

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I do not mean the thing about sex.

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Which I think exists.

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Yes, Wiz Bang must have something to do with sex.

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I think it means practicing sex
With a character from the movie "Harry Potter"

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And

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Then he exclaims, "Magical sex!"
In the end

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"The magic genus!
10 additional points in favor of (Grevenor). "

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"No, thank you, you (Hagrid)."

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The mustaches cover all parts of my body.
People are upset but I do not care.

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I have a "Hitler" mustache over my genitals.

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I'm honest! why not
I have a "Hitler" mustache over my genitals

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This is great because when I feel orgasm,

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It seems as though I am performing Nazi salute in my pants.

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Hello my dear

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I'll have sex with you now. "

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Your Lord, Craig.
You can not make fun of the Germans.

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Yes, I can.

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They are the only ones left on the ground
Who can mock them.

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That's right! We can not ridicule the obese
No specific categories ...

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We can not describe the shortness of stature
That they have a palace in ...

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You say to yourself, "No, do not say that"
I will not do

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We can not ridicule anyone!
Not even Germans in fact.

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They must be from the 1940s.

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No, we can mock the Germans
They do not mind that.

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They say, "Nothing wrong, laugh at us.

Games
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There is nothing wrong. Tighten the feeling of our heads
And they wore our whiskeys. "

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Germans do not care about my opinion, even as much as a biscuit.

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This is my new saying to win the love of children.

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"Biscuit Love". Hachtag "H".

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May be to "love biscuit"
It also means sexual.

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Yup

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"Biscuit Love" ...

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I mean sex in Britain.

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"Do you want to have a biscuit?

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I mean drinking tea with biscuits
in my flat

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if

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So, you want me to have tea with you in your apartment

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Do not we have sex in any way? "
Absolutely

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"Let's practice love from here,
I mean, we're going from here. "

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No, hair covers all my body,
Do not worry about this. this is normal

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everything will be alright
I have a mustache and beard, this ...

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It's amazing.
When I was presenting my comic evening program,

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He was very angry when people ...
I could talk about anything else.

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I could talk about religion or politics
Or anything.

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Viewers would say, "That's fine.

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He's just a fool from another country. "
But

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I was raised mad people
When I raise my Sharabi and my neighborhood.

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Catching the cats have been screaming at me!

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This was not the case,
But it was fantastic though!

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Even now.

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Online and "Twitter"

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Which is usually a forum providing support for ...

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Someone told me on Twitter ...

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I'll be back to complete the show soon. I will.

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Someone told me on Twitter,
"(Craig), feel your hair and beard

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Makes your mouth look like a flabby horizontal vagina. "

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I know that half the men here say in themselves,
"What the hell is he doing?

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Did not touch the side of his mouth like this? It's weird

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Is this a European habit? "
I answer them with "Yes!"

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People resent me a lot because of my drink,
Especially women who love cats.

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Be sending me a "twitter" saying,
"You can not raise your stake, Craig,

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You can not have a mustache.
(Tom Celik) is the owner of the mustache. "

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They told me that,
"(Tom Celik) is the owner of the mustache."

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My answer was that the drinker
Not something that belongs to him alone!

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This is not The Highlander,
Where there is only one hero.

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Anyone can have a mustache,
God bless you!

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I do not know why cats are so dissatisfied with me
When I raise my drink,

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What is the cat anyway?

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The body of the cat is made up of a mustache
By 80 percent.

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Cat is a mustache, claws and anus.
That's what the cat is.

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My lawyer's name is "Kat" too.

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So it is forbidden to register illegally
Otherwise you will be punished with ... I do not know.

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There is a rumor that exists between cats' appetites

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That I hate the love of cats,
This is not true

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Not true at all
I was raised by a love of cats.

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Not exactly, my grandmother was a lover of cats.

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She did not raise cats, but she was a spiteful woman
Abhorrent and irritable,

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I think these are the qualities of cat food.

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I had my first nationality experience
At my grandmother's house.

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I do not mean that! Do not be a thinker!

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But like what you think a little,
No, it is not!

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No, I was at my grandmother's house.
I was staying in her house after I returned from school

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Because my mother was an employee,

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My grandmother was watching me, but she did not have time

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To patronize a disreputable fat boy.

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She was busy writing letters expressing her anger
And so on, so ...

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This was before Twitter appeared.
It was a hard time for cat food.

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She left me alone, and I was always

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I look for a directory of "Sears" and take it,
The Scottish Sears Guide,

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I was browsing the women's underwear section

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In the Scottish "Sears" directory.
It was an aphrodisiac.

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WOMEN BROTHERS
They wear narrow braces for the waist

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Stretched in a green land
They pretend to be eating apples.

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My penis started to rise a bit
Just talk about it now.

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There is a rumor among cat lovers.

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What I mean to say is that the appetizers of cats ...
By the way

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I think cats loves that I do not like cats,

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This is not true. I love cats

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I own a cat.

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I'm not one of the men who say,

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"I do not like cats, I do not trust her."

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Trust is a human concept.

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I own 3 dogs, but I will not lend them money.

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"We will respond to you before the weekend."
No

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You can not trust animals in this way
They have a different mentality.

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You can not trust the hamster on your lawn.

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I learned that by experience.

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I will say that I love all the creatures of the Lord

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Or all the creatures of the universe, as you believe,
But I ...

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I do not like hamsters.

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They are the only animals I hate.
It is vile.

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I do not like the hamster. I was raised by ...
I did not bring hamsters!

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It would have been so wonderful and a convincing reason
To do this all the time.

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No, I hated the hamsters during my growth

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Because it breaks your heart, it is a vile.

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Because they tend to commit suicide.

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All hamsters want to do
Is the exposure to death.

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We were going through that suffering every month.
Every time we buy a hamster,

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We find everything he wants
Is going behind the refrigerator to die!

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We moved out of our house when I was 16 years old,
We moved the refrigerator to take it

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We found behind it a pile of hamster bones,

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It took the form of a church.

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Believe it, it took a slightly somber curve,
But it is worth trying this joke.

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To complete the offer. We will complete it. Here's the issue.

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No, here's the issue.

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If you already attend my presentation,

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You know that you will live an evening
So frustrating.

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You may know this feeling
If you are already sleeping.

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This is a joke of course.

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If you already attend my presentation
You will know that what I liked doing on the evening of the show

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Is listed a joke, one joke is not.

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My time is not allowed more than this
Because I am easily distracted and talk about another subject.

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But in my pocket I joke to you this evening,

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I am very excited about it because it actually is

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The oldest joke in the world.

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00: 12: 04,765 --> 00: 12: 08,060
Hey, do not make the sounds of ghosts,
I do not want to be afraid!

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00: 12: 08,436 --> 00: 12: 10,062
But it is the oldest joke in the world.

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I'm not sure if it was older,
But I will tell you.

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My friend Kara is a scholar of Egyptian antiquities,

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00: 12: 15,526 --> 00: 12: 17,570
She lives in ...

194
00: 12: 18,070 --> 00: 12: 19,196
why not

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There is no point in traveling to the Canadian Winnipeg
If she was a scholar of Egyptian antiquities.

196
00: 12: 24,452 --> 00: 12: 26,203
Did you find any pyramids or similar?

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00: 12: 26,287 --> 00: 12: 27,580
And no one old trace.

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She lives in Egypt,

199
00: 12: 30,207 --> 00: 12: 33,919
She called me once to tell me,
"We are at the site of archaeological excavations now,

200
00: 12: 34,003 --> 00: 12: 38,382
We think we found the remains of a public bath. "

201
00: 12: 38,632 --> 00: 12: 41,469
I said to her, "It's strange,"
She said, "Yes, but stranger than this

202
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Is that there is a joke written in hieroglyphics
On its wall. "

203
00: 12: 45,765 --> 00: 12: 47,433
I was surprised!

204
00: 12: 48,267 --> 00: 12: 49,810
I'm not sure it's the oldest joke in the world,

205
00: 12: 49,894 --> 00: 12: 51,937
But it is the first joke written in the world.

206
00: 12: 52,021 --> 00: 12: 55,566
Before this joke,
The jokes were passed orally,

207
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That will never work in our time,
But they ...

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00: 13: 00,654 --> 00: 13: 02,364
But the first joke was written,

209
00: 13: 02,448 --> 00: 13: 05,910
Of course, it was a big change
In human society when jokes emerged

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00: 13: 06,076 --> 00: 13: 08,329
And when people began to write it.

211
00: 13: 08,412 --> 00: 13: 10,414
The writing changed everything.

212
00: 13: 10,873 --> 00: 13: 13,876
Was a major development in the life of mankind,

213
00: 13: 14,043 --> 00: 13: 16,045
It has divided people.

214
00: 13: 16,128 --> 00: 13: 19,548
Some people supported the idea of ​​writing
They thought it would be great,

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00: 13: 19,632 --> 00: 13: 21,050
And it will change everything,

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00: 13: 21,133 --> 00: 13: 23,844
And that humans sooner or later
They will reach Enlightenment by writing.

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at the same time
There were those who opposed writing.

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00: 13: 26,055 --> 00: 13: 29,183
Expressed their lack of support for the idea.
At least, we think that this was their opinion.

219
00: 13: 29,266 --> 00: 13: 32,061
Did not leave behind written notation
Prove their opinion about it.

220
00: 13: 34,063 --> 00: 13: 36,482
But we know that there were human beings
They even opposed the idea of ​​writing,

221
00: 13: 36,565 --> 00: 13: 39,235
"We are not sure
If this is a good idea,

222
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Writing can lead to outrage. "

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00: 13: 45,616 --> 00: 13: 47,576
That is the position of human beings always,

224
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Whenever something new appears, anything whatsoever,

225
00: 13: 49,995 --> 00: 13: 52,331
Whenever there is no change
People oppose it.

226
00: 13: 52,414 --> 00: 13: 54,792
It is the only thing that unites the human beings,

227
00: 13: 54,875 --> 00: 13: 56,418
Their hatred of change.

228
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This is very strange in my opinion

229
00: 13: 58,254 --> 00: 14: 01,257
Because it is the only thing we can guarantee
Without any doubt,

230
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We will always see change.

231
00: 14: 04,051 --> 00: 14: 07,721
For example, in November last year
in America

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Got some change.

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No need to worry, I will not go into politics
Related.

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I'm not of that kind, I will not care about this,
But I must say this.

235
00: 14: 20,276 --> 00: 14: 21,986
When I saw what happened, I said to myself ...

236
00: 14: 23,737 --> 00: 14: 24,572
O moment of futility!

237
00: 14: 28,909 --> 00: 14: 32,955
It was the only time I regretted it
On my resignation from my comic evening program.

238
00: 14: 35,374 --> 00: 14: 36,792
When I heard ...

239
00: 14: 38,961 --> 00: 14: 40,170
When I heard ...

240
00: 14: 40,504 --> 00: 14: 43,132
When I heard about joining Donald Trump,
For the race to run for president,

241
00: 14: 43,215 --> 00: 14: 45,634
I said to myself, "Do you beat me?"

242
00: 14: 47,511 --> 00: 14: 50,347
It's like the Dick Cheney shooting
On his lawyer in the face.

243
00: 14: 50,431 --> 00: 14: 51,724
It's a supermodel comedy!

244
00: 14: 53,434 --> 00: 14: 55,144
By God!

245
00: 14: 55,269 --> 00: 14: 56,520
That is a rare gift.

246
00: 14: 56,645 --> 00: 15: 01,025
I had to work in theater monologues,
Did that villain decide to run only now?

247
00: 15: 03,903 --> 00: 15: 07,031
I knew immediately that he would win.

248
00: 15: 07,156 --> 00: 15: 10,659
I knew this immediately against all others
Who said he would not win.

249
00: 15: 10,743 --> 00: 15: 14,413
I knew he would win
Since the first debate for presidential candidates.

250
00: 15: 14,496 --> 00: 15: 16,874
The first debate, the first Republican debate,

251
00: 15: 16,957 --> 00: 15: 19,585
When he said "Jeep Bush" to "Donald Trump" ...

252
00: 15: 19,710 --> 00: 15: 20,711
Do you remember the "Jeep Bush"?

253
00: 15: 22,254 --> 00: 15: 25,049
Was not he an excellent and peaceful candidate?

254
00: 15: 26,175 --> 00: 15: 30,304
The "Jeep Bush" for Donald Trump,

255
00: 15: 30,804 --> 00: 15: 33,098
"I said something insulting about Mexico
O (Donald),

256
00: 15: 33,182 --> 00: 15: 36,477
And my Mexican wife, I would like you to apologize to her. "

257
00: 15: 36,560 --> 00: 15: 37,811
Trump replied "no".

258
00: 15: 40,272 --> 00: 15: 42,733
I said then, "It's over, he'll win."

259
00: 15: 44,652 --> 00: 15: 49,490
It always happens. I was saying to myself,
"(Pocket) You stupid,

260
00: 15: 49,907 --> 00: 15: 52,910
Stupid, you've put yourself in a critical predicament.

261
00: 15: 52,993 --> 00: 15: 55,913
I told a man to apologize to your wife,

262
00: 15: 55,996 --> 00: 15: 59,333
The man replied,
Now you have to hit it.

263
00: 16: 00,417 --> 00: 16: 03,754
This is stated in the Constitution of the United States!

264
00: 16: 07,299 --> 00: 16: 10,761
I knew he would win.

265
00: 16: 10,886 --> 00: 16: 12,012
I said to myself, "Haha,

266
00: 16: 12,096 --> 00: 16: 15,099
He is very much self-confident, and I know "America"

267
00: 16: 15,182 --> 00: 16: 19,269
I am an American and studied Americans,
They love the confident of themselves.

268
00: 16: 19,395 --> 00: 16: 21,188
It is not important to be right,

269
00: 16: 21,814 --> 00: 16: 26,485
The important thing is to be confident of themselves.
His great confidence in himself is unreasonable to me.

270
00: 16: 26,610 --> 00: 16: 30,322
I was watching him and I wonder,
"How many times do we see a similar person?"

271
00: 16: 33,701 --> 00: 16: 37,246
The reason is his self-confidence,
You can love him or hate him,

272
00: 16: 37,371 --> 00: 16: 41,625
You can agree or disagree with him,
But it's inspiring to see someone with that confidence.

273
00: 16: 42,584 --> 00: 16: 45,212
Do you imagine that he wakes up like any natural person?

274
00: 16: 45,295 --> 00: 16: 48,757
At 4 am he says in himself,
"Maybe I'm a fool."

275
00: 16: 49,800 --> 00: 16: 52,845
I do not think so, I think he wakes up
"I'm not an idiot," he says.

276
00: 16: 54,304 --> 00: 16: 56,015
Everyone thinks he is a fool,
But I do not think he agrees,

277
00: 16: 56,098 --> 00: 16: 58,892
I think he is very confident
"I'm not an idiot," he says.

278
00: 16: 58,976 --> 00: 17: 01,311
While even half the members of his party
They call him a snob,

279
00: 17: 01,395 --> 00: 17: 05,315
Half of the world's population calls him a fool,
Perhaps more than half of the world.

280
00: 17: 05,399 --> 00: 17: 07,693
Do you know? It was difficult for me too.

281
00: 17: 07,776 --> 00: 17: 10,362
I felt that I had been deceived personally

282
00: 17: 10,446 --> 00: 17: 13,532
Because in my home, in Glasgow, Scotland,

283
00: 17: 13,782 --> 00: 17: 15.993
The word "Trump" means "stools".

284
00: 17: 19,496 --> 00: 17: 21,415
You can say, "I ate Indian food
Last night

285
00: 17: 21,498 --> 00: 17: 24,168
"I was horrifying throughout the day."

286
00: 17: 24,585 --> 00: 17: 28,756
Or you can say, "Crush!
(Stand out) that gull on my hair. "

287
00: 17: 29,423 --> 00: 17: 31,341
No, that's not true.

288
00: 17: 32,968 --> 00: 17: 34,762
But if someone chirps on Twitter ...

289
00: 17: 37,848 --> 00: 17: 38,932
That's true.

290
00: 17: 39,099 --> 00: 17: 41,769
So you make sure things are right now, group.

291
00: 17: 42,102 --> 00: 17: 45,564
They chirped the information and re-sang it
Again and again, and the information becomes correct.

292
00: 17: 47,357 --> 00: 17: 48,609
The process was in the past ...

293
00: 17: 48,859 --> 00: 17: 51,779
In the old press ...
You will not remember this young people,

294
00: 17: 51,862 --> 00: 17: 53,655
But in the old press,

295
00: 17: 53,781 --> 00: 17: 56,408
They were doing an operation
Called "Validation of information".

296
00: 17: 57,326 --> 00: 18: 00,662
They were sure the news was correct first

297
00: 18: 00,746 --> 00: 18: 02,372
Before posting.

298
00: 18: 02,873 --> 00: 18: 04,249
Is not that wonderful?

299
00: 18: 05,959 --> 00: 18: 08,128
Now it is important to be the first publisher,
"Is it true?"

300
00: 18: 08,212 --> 00: 18: 10,172
"Who cares? To publish it quickly before everyone!

301
00: 18: 10,255 --> 00: 18: 12,132
Chirp and reload Twitter
And put the news on the website,

302
00: 18: 12,216 --> 00: 18: 13,717
We're done! Posted on (Paz Ved)

303
00: 18: 13,801 --> 00: 18: 16,762
Next to an article (6 celebrities longer than you think). "

304
00: 18: 20,140 --> 00: 18: 23,519
"Worse, Rees Witherspoon is 1.85 meters long?
I do not believe this

305
00: 18: 26,313 --> 00: 18: 27,648
It is so long already.

306
00: 18: 28,107 --> 00: 18: 31,860
"No, it is not."
Yes, we can make it long.

307
00: 18: 32,528 --> 00: 18: 36,156
If we start tonight sing on Twitter,
"The length of Reese Witherspoon is 1.85 meters,

308
00: 18: 36,240 --> 00: 18: 39,159
It will be 1.85 meters in length a month from now.

309
00: 18: 39,660 --> 00: 18: 42,371
You will go to perform performance tests
For the role of blonde slut,

310
00: 18: 42,454 --> 00: 18: 44,540
Officials will say, "No, it's too long."

311
00: 18: 46,083 --> 00: 18: 48,377
"How tall is it?", "1.85 meters"
are you sure

312
00: 18: 48,460 --> 00: 18: 52,172
"Reese Witherspoon" will look for itself on "Google"
She says, "What the hell is going on?"

313
00: 18: 56,301 --> 00: 18: 59,513
I have never met her,
But I'm sure she's talking like that.

314
00: 18: 59,596 --> 00: 19: 02,933
"What the hell is going on?",
And then do as hamsters do,

315
00: 19: 03,267 --> 00: 19: 06,061
And hide behind the refrigerator.

316
00: 19: 06,311 --> 00: 19: 07,688
Okay

317
00: 19: 08,272 --> 00: 19: 10,065
You are right. This was very black.

318
00: 19: 11,650 --> 00: 19: 15,529
Anyway, the significance of all this
I think I'll shave my beard.

319
00: 19: 16,738 --> 00: 19: 20,701
sorry! Have you asked for public opinion?

320
00: 19: 22,536 --> 00: 19: 25,581
No, I think I will have to lift my beard.
I'll tell you why.

321
00: 19: 25,664 --> 00: 19: 28,458
Because my son is 16 years old,
I have two sons, but one is 16 years old,

322
00: 19: 28,542 --> 00: 19: 31,879
He told me something about my neighborhood
He was very angry.

323
00: 19: 34,381 --> 00: 19: 37,134
He said to me, "I like your beard, Dad."

324
00: 19: 37,217 --> 00: 19: 38,677
I was not convinced.

325
00: 19: 39,970 --> 00: 19: 41,096
He said, "Yes,

326
00: 19: 41,221 --> 00: 19: 43,223
Make you look like magicians. "

327
00: 19: 47,311 --> 00: 19: 48,604
damn you

328
00: 19: 49,271 --> 00: 19: 52,149
This is how you deal with teenagers, parents.

329
00: 19: 52,274 --> 00: 19: 54,401
One of the foundations of sound education is to curse them.

330
00: 19: 57,613 --> 00: 20: 00,866
Because he knows I hate witchcraft.

331
00: 20: 00,991 --> 00: 20: 03,577
Yes, I hate them so much.
"Charming surprise", "stranger than my face".

332
00: 20: 04,703 --> 00: 20: 06,705
I do not like magic. "what is it called

333
00: 20: 07,372 --> 00: 20: 08,665
"Keep this out of my sight!"

334
00: 20: 08,832 --> 00: 20: 12,044
"Look at what is in my hat."
Do not care what is in your damn hat!

335
00: 20: 15,005 --> 00: 20: 17,716
I tell my followers that I do not like witchcraft,

336
00: 20: 17,799 --> 00: 20: 20,385
They say, "Uncle you speak (Craig)?

337
00: 20: 20,469 --> 00: 20: 22,471
You love witchcraft.

338
00: 20: 22,554 --> 00: 20: 25,807
You are the only provider
In the history of nighttime comedy programs

339
00: 20: 25,891 --> 00: 20: 28,560
Which hosted (Magic Week) twice a year
Over 10 years.

340
00: 20: 28,644 --> 00: 20: 32,147
You are a friend of magicians. "
On the contrary you idiots!

341
00: 20: 34,775 --> 00: 20: 36,193
No, I do not like magic and sorcery.

342
00: 20: 36,276 --> 00: 20: 38,237
I did not host "Magic Week"
In my comic evening program

343
00: 20: 38,320 --> 00: 20: 39,905
Because I love magic and sorcery.

344
00: 20: 39,988 --> 00: 20: 43,784
But hosted him
Because my friend "Chris" likes to drink "tequila".

345
00: 20: 46,620 --> 00: 20: 47,788
Let me explain.

346
00: 20: 48,622 --> 00: 20: 51,959
I was not allowed to tell this story
Because this is contrary to the law in principle,

347
00: 20: 52,251 --> 00: 20: 53,710
It is actually against the law.

348
00: 20: 54,294 --> 00: 20: 57,214
What will CBS do? Will you separate me?
Too late for that!

349
00: 20: 57,422 --> 00: 20: 59,174
So, here's what happened.

three hundred fifty
00: 20: 59,424 --> 00: 21: 00,717
thanks guys

351
00: 21: 04,638 --> 00: 21: 08,517
I'll tell you the story, that's really happened
The reason for my hosting was the Magic Week.

352
00: 21: 08,600 --> 00: 21: 10,435
When I started offering my entertaining evening programs,

353
00: 21: 10,519 --> 00: 21: 14,856
My friend Chris traveled to Las Vegas
for the first time

354
00: 21: 15,274 --> 00: 21: 17,609
He is a nice guy from Wisconsin,
A young man filled with enthusiasm and joy,

355
00: 21: 17,693 --> 00: 21: 19,861
He had never visited Las Vegas before.

356
00: 21: 19,945 --> 00: 21: 22,155
So, travel to it for the first time,
I liked him very much.

357
00: 21: 22,239 --> 00: 21: 24,950
It was an amazing trip.
He was staying at the MGM Grand Hotel,

358
00: 21: 25,033 --> 00: 21: 26,660
Where there are huge blacks and the like.

359
00: 21: 26,743 --> 00: 21: 28,370
On his first morning there,

360
00: 21: 28,453 --> 00: 21: 30,956
Go to the breakfast buffet.

361
00: 21: 31,081 --> 00: 21: 32,916
I do not know if you have visited Las Vegas,
But the buffet is very luxurious,

362
00: 21: 33,000 --> 00: 21: 35,002
You can eat anything you want.

363
00: 21: 35,502 --> 00: 21: 36,586
This was his first time,

364
00: 21: 36,670 --> 00: 21: 40,424
"I can eat anything, whatever
For breakfast? "

365
00: 21: 40,507 --> 00: 21: 43,218
They answered him "yes"
"Well, I'll have a drink (tequila)," he said.

366
00: 21: 44,428 --> 00: 21: 46,596
They thought it was Zarif, and they gave him a "tequila" drink.

367
00: 21: 46,722 --> 00: 21: 48,765
This is not a good idea, you should never ...

368
00: 21: 48,849 --> 00: 21: 51,226
O children, do not drink "tequila"
For breakfast never.

369
00: 21: 51,768 --> 00: 21: 55,647
A "tequila" drink may lead to breakfast
To the "Tequila" drink in the middle of the morning and ...

370
00: 21: 57,149 --> 00: 21: 59,943
What happened is that "Chris" started drinking "Tequila"
At 9 am,

371
00: 22: 00,027 --> 00: 22: 01,486
This is a very bad idea.

372
00: 22: 01,570 --> 00: 22: 03,822
At approximately 14:00,

373
00: 22: 03,905 --> 00: 22: 07,492
Do something you should never do
After being drunk drinking "tic",

374
00: 22: 08,160 --> 00: 22: 09,745
He had an idea.

375
00: 22: 13,332 --> 00: 22: 15,500
Here's what happened, it was very drunk.

376
00: 22: 17,461 --> 00: 22: 20,630
He left the hotel after his idea came up
To see the city.

377
00: 22: 20,714 --> 00: 22: 26,303
He went out and found a private limousine
To connect guests to the MGM Grand Hotel,

378
00: 22: 26,595 --> 00: 22: 28,472
The driver was not there,
But let its engine work

379
00: 22: 28,555 --> 00: 22: 30,891
For air conditioning to stay occupied.
If, the engine was working,

380
00: 22: 30,974 --> 00: 22: 33,852
Written on the limousine "delivery service",
He thought,

381
00: 22: 33,935 --> 00: 22: 35,854
"Well, if the delivery service ...

382
00: 22: 38,231 --> 00: 22: 40,442
It means "free" in French, right?

383
00: 22: 41,526 --> 00: 22: 43,153
Free

384
00: 22: 44,863 --> 00: 22: 48,533
I'll take it. "
So, ride the limousine and go out.

385
00: 22: 51,244 --> 00: 22: 53,246
this is forbidden

386
00: 22: 53,372 --> 00: 22: 55,457
Take off with that limousine,

387
00: 22: 55,540 --> 00: 22: 57,709
It was driven on Las Vegas Streep Street,

388
00: 22: 57,793 --> 00: 23: 01,213
He returned to his motto and started ...
He is not a bad person, he is a good man.

389
00: 23: 01,296 --> 00: 23: 03,173
So he began to say to himself, "Hey, what did you do?"

390
00: 23: 03,256 --> 00: 23: 06,927
"Chris (Satan)" appeared on one of his shoulders,
And "Chris the Angel" on his other shoulder.

391
00: 23: 07,052 --> 00: 23: 10,931
Jesus began his "(Chris) Satan" and says,
"Let's cross the border!

392
00: 23: 11,848 --> 00: 23: 15,018
While "Chris (the Angel)" was telling him,
"What are you doing, Chris?"

393
00: 23: 16,311 --> 00: 23: 17,854
Because "(Chris) Angel" like me.

394
00: 23: 20,315 --> 00: 23: 22,317
This is not logical, I apologize.

395
00: 23: 25,404 --> 00: 23: 29,282
"What are you doing, Chris?"
"Chris (the Angel)" finally won.

396
00: 23: 29,741 --> 00: 23: 32,661
"Chris," "Oh my God, I can not do this," said Chris,
He stopped the car.

397
00: 23: 32,744 --> 00: 23: 35,872
That's what happened, stop the car
In the middle of Las Vegas Strip Street,

398
00: 23: 35,956 --> 00: 23: 39,126
He got out of the car and there were helicopters
And police chasing him,

399
00: 23: 39,209 --> 00: 23: 41,837
"The situation is getting worse," he says.
Raising his hands,

400
00: 23: 41,920 --> 00: 23: 44,840
And do what many may do ...
I myself have done this in that position,

401
00: 23: 44,923 --> 00: 23: 47,467
He raised his hands and began to cry.

402
00: 23: 49,177 --> 00: 23: 53,557
Heavy salty tears began to fall on his cheeks.

403
00: 23: 53,765 --> 00: 23: 55,600
Unfortunately,

404
00: 23: 55,684 --> 00: 23: 59,646
Previously the police section of "Las Vegas"
Seeing an adult man shed tears before.

405
00: 24: 02,482 --> 00: 24: 06,278
Their hearts were not so sweetened by that day.

406
00: 24: 08,321 --> 00: 24: 12,409
They arrested my friend "Chris" and put him in jail.

407
00: 24: 12,617 --> 00: 24: 17,664
in prison. Will not bear "Chris" prison,
He is a beautiful young man.

408
00: 24: 18,039 --> 00: 24: 20,542
It's lovely! It is very handsome.

409
00: 24: 20,625 --> 00: 24: 24,212
I am not a homosexual, but I will not refrain from starting
In his tickle to see where we will get it.

410
00: 24: 25,380 --> 00: 24: 26,715
We tickle some of us.

411
00: 24: 26,798 --> 00: 24: 30,260
We are tickling some of us, my friend,
Now we share kisses.

412
00: 24: 34,598 --> 00: 24: 36,349
Nothing wrong with that, no problem.

413
00: 24: 39,561 --> 00: 24: 40,729
Here's what happened.

414
00: 24: 40,812 --> 00: 24: 42,939
While they were escorting "Chris" to jail,
He was terrified,

415
00: 24: 43,023 --> 00: 24: 44,149
So, as you know,

416
00: 24: 44,441 --> 00: 24: 47,777
They told him, "You have the right to make a call
Just one phone call. "

417
00: 24: 47,861 --> 00: 24: 50,405
He was alarmed,
And still drunk from the "ticca" a little,

418
00: 24: 50,489 --> 00: 24: 52,782
He could remember only one phone number,

419
00: 24: 52,866 --> 00: 24: 54,576
The phone number of the place where he works.

420
00: 24: 55,911 --> 00: 24: 58,830
Funny Evening Program with Craig Ferguson
On CBS.

421
00: 24: 58,914 --> 00: 24: 59,748
That really happened.

422
00: 24: 59,956 --> 00: 25: 02,167
So, I received a call at my office
On that afternoon,

423
00: 25: 02,250 --> 00: 25: 05,921
I heard someone say, "Do you accept a callback
From the City Prison (Las Vegas)? "

424
00: 25: 06,004 --> 00: 25: 08,173
It was my reply, "I accept it without a doubt!

425
00: 25: 11,301 --> 00: 25: 13,011
Yes, certainly!

426
00: 25: 13,386 --> 00: 25: 16,848
I was wondering what theater monologue was
Which I will perform tonight. Yup

427
00: 25: 20,936 --> 00: 25: 22,646
If, in fact ...

428
00: 25: 22,729 --> 00: 25: 25,732
I thought he was one of the family, so ...

429
00: 25: 28,944 --> 00: 25: 32,197
But it was "Chris" and told me,
"I made a mistake, man, and I went to jail in Vegas!

430
00: 25: 32,280 --> 00: 25: 34,074
I'm in big trouble, stolen car,

431
00: 25: 34,157 --> 00: 25: 35,617
The situation is very bad. "

432
00: 25: 36,535 --> 00: 25: 38,578
I said to him, "Oh my God, Chris, this is terrible.

433
00: 25: 38,662 --> 00: 25: 42,290
Do not tickle any of the prisoners,
Do not look directly at them.

434
00: 25: 42,999 --> 00: 25: 44,376
Do not worry, I'll come to get you out.

435
00: 25: 44,459 --> 00: 25: 46,962
I'll get you out of there, my friend, be steadfast. "

436
00: 25: 47,045 --> 00: 25: 50,549
Ali responded with "OK" and ended the call,
I thought, "I will not go to Vegas."

437
00: 25: 53,677 --> 00: 25: 55,053
Then I thought, "I have to get him out of there.

438
00: 25: 55,136 --> 00: 25: 58,056
It's thinner than being in a prison in Las Vegas. "

439
00: 25: 58,932 --> 00: 26: 01,393
He is not qualified for such a situation, so ...

440
00: 26: 01,476 --> 00: 26: 03,186
I thought, "How do I get him out of prison?"

441
00: 26: 03,270 --> 00: 26: 06,273
I do not know if you know this about me,
But in the 1980s ...

442
00: 26: 08,942 --> 00: 26: 10,443
I worked in Manhattan.

443
00: 26: 10,527 --> 00: 26: 14,197
I worked on Manhattan Island in New York City,

444
00: 26: 14,281 --> 00: 26: 18,034
I was still "waiting" to accept my order
For permanent residence.

445
00: 26: 23,206 --> 00: 26: 25,500
So, I worked in construction for the benefit of some people

446
00: 26: 25,584 --> 00: 26: 28,253
Who arranged for me an informal job.

447
00: 26: 30,755 --> 00: 26: 33,633
I stayed in contact with someone
Since my last life in the 1980s,

448
00: 26: 33,717 --> 00: 26: 37,137
I called this man called ...
Let's call it "Tony".

449
00: 26: 39,639 --> 00: 26: 41,808
I called Tony and told him,
"Hello (Tony), I (Craig)".

450
00: 26: 41,891 --> 00: 26: 44,811
He said, "Hello! How do you deal with life?
With mascara, right?

451
00: 26: 47,606 --> 00: 26: 49,357
With ice cream! "

452
00: 26: 51,276 --> 00: 26: 52,235
It is Italian.

453
00: 26: 56,823 --> 00: 26: 58,825
I called Tony and told him about Chris.

454
00: 26: 58,908 --> 00: 27: 03,204
"I have no knowledge of Las Vegas," he said.
I said, "Unfortunately!"

455
00: 27: 03,705 --> 00: 27: 07,208
But he said he knew someone in "Philadelphia"
May be able to help,

456
00: 27: 07,292 --> 00: 27: 10,920
So we called his friend in Philadelphia,
Let's call it "Carmine".

457
00: 27: 12,672 --> 00: 27: 13,882
It is also Italian.

458
00: 27: 14,591 --> 00: 27: 16,343
Carmine had no knowledge
In "Vegas" too,

459
00: 27: 16,426 --> 00: 27: 18,970
But he knew someone in Chicago,
I said, "Okay."

460
00: 27: 19,054 --> 00: 27: 22,682
We contacted this person in Chicago,
Let's call it Frankie.

461
00: 27: 24,517 --> 00: 27: 25,435
So, we have become ...

462
00: 27: 26,144 --> 00: 27: 28,772
Frankie already had knowledge
In Las Vegas,

463
00: 27: 28,855 --> 00: 27: 33,485
We contacted him, and this is what happened.
The phone had 3 Italians and a Scottish ...

464
00: 27: 33,818 --> 00: 27: 36,071
It's not even a joke! I list events.

465
00: 27: 38,615 --> 00: 27: 41,034
We contacted this guy in Las Vegas.
I swear that it really happened.

466
00: 27: 41,117 --> 00: 27: 44,162
A judge known by Frankie in Las Vegas.

467
00: 27: 44,245 --> 00: 27: 45,080
And

468
00: 27: 45,205 --> 00: 27: 47,332
I can not believe I'm telling you that story,
But it is real.

469
00: 27: 47,415 --> 00: 27: 49,626
So you know the story is real
Because it is very strange

470
00: 27: 49,709 --> 00: 27: 51,920
They make you say, "It can not be real."

471
00: 27: 52,003 --> 00: 27: 52,921
But it is real.

472
00: 27: 53,046 --> 00: 27: 56,883
The judge was honest
He completely refused to accept any bribe.

473
00: 27: 59,969 --> 00: 28: 03,515
I said, "We're talking
About (Las Vegas) damned here, right? "

474
00: 28: 03,598 --> 00: 28: 05,892
But the judge refused our help.

475
00: 28: 05,975 --> 00: 28: 08,978
We started talking to him and threatening him and ...

476
00: 28: 10,605 --> 00: 28: 13,191
It turned out in the end ...

477
00: 28: 13,358 --> 00: 28: 16,277
I swear that it happened.
This can only happen in America.

478
00: 28: 16,361 --> 00: 28: 18,113
It can only get in Las Vegas.

479
00: 28: 18,196 --> 00: 28: 20,949
It turned out that the judge was not only a judge,

480
00: 28: 21,032 --> 00: 28: 23,952
But was also the representative of the defense of magicians.

481
00: 28: 28,248 --> 00: 28: 29,499
I swear that this is true.

482
00: 28: 29,916 --> 00: 28: 32,210
Magicians who were represented by the judge

483
00: 28: 32,293 --> 00: 28: 34,963
They were not magicians performing their shows
With white tigers

484
00: 28: 35,046 --> 00: 28: 36,798
Or a witch like "David Copperfield" or the like.

485
00: 28: 36,881 --> 00: 28: 40,635
They were not magicians in fancy nightclubs,
They were from the north of Las Vegas.

486
00: 28: 40,719 --> 00: 28: 42,929
Wizards jump out of garbage containers
And they do so.

487
00: 28: 48,893 --> 00: 28: 51,813
So, we discussed with the judge and said,
"Okay, Craig, here's my offer.

488
00: 28: 51,896 --> 00: 28: 56,025
Book a month in your program for my charm,
I will release your friend. "

489
00: 28: 56,109 --> 00: 28: 58,153
I said, "Month charm?"
He replied, "Month charm."

490
00: 28: 58,236 --> 00: 29: 00,321
My answer was, "Damn it, Judge."

491
00: 29: 03,032 --> 00: 29: 05,827
We argued for some time
We decided to book one week

492
00: 29: 05,910 --> 00: 29: 09,831
For the five of these sorcerers,
Chris becomes free and ...

493
00: 29: 10,665 --> 00: 29: 14,461
What was his crime originally?
"High Temperament" in Las Vegas?

494
00: 29: 15,086 --> 00: 29: 19,841
The judge stated that in principle
A car was stolen and driven under the influence of alcohol.

495
00: 29: 21,259 --> 00: 29: 23,970
The sentence varies from one to five years
In Nevada for those who steal a car the first time.

496
00: 29: 24,220 --> 00: 29: 25,638
I know, will deal with a lot of tickles.

497
00: 29: 27,182 --> 00: 29: 30,435
So I hosted "Magic Week"
Because I had to get "Chris" out of jail.

498
00: 29: 30,518 --> 00: 29: 33,188
I know this justifies my hosting of one magic week.

499
00: 29: 33,730 --> 00: 29: 36,941
My hosting of Magic Week does not justify twice a year
Over 10 years.

500
00: 29: 38,818 --> 00: 29: 42,572
I did not run a criminal organization
In Las Vegas.

501
00: 29: 44,532 --> 00: 29: 47,911
What happened is that I booked five
Of these sorcerers,

502
00: 29: 48,161 --> 00: 29: 50,580
But if you remember
My beautiful evening program,

503
00: 29: 50,663 --> 00: 29: 54,167
The performance of the witches is terrible
It is the impression I wanted to leave him.

504
00: 29: 57,045 --> 00: 29: 59,130
But when I say to my followers
I do not like magicians,

505
00: 29: 59,214 --> 00: 30: 02,926
They say, "You love magicians (Craig).
Who are you, man

506
00: 30: 03,176 --> 00: 30: 07,096
You love cats, you have more than one drinker,

507
00: 30: 08,056 --> 00: 30: 09,724
Witches hate him?

508
00: 30: 09,891 --> 00: 30: 11,976
I'm not the person we imagined

509
00: 30: 12,060 --> 00: 30: 14,813
When we were watching open TV channels
We are Mentchion.

510
00: 30: 16,689 --> 00: 30: 17,774
We can no longer recognize you. "

511
00: 30: 17,857 --> 00: 30: 20,109
I understand this,
I personally can no longer identify myself.

512
00: 30: 20,193 --> 00: 30: 22,153
I am 55 years old against the Lord.

513
00: 30: 23,863 --> 00: 30: 25,031
How dare you dare?

514
00: 30: 26,366 --> 00: 30: 28,159
"I still have not died, hope you are!"

515
00: 30: 29,869 --> 00: 30: 33,790
55 years old. I say to myself,
"I should have died for a while, I think."

516
00: 30: 33,873 --> 00: 30: 34,874
Thanks

517
00: 30: 36,376 --> 00: 30: 40,171
No! I do not know what happened. Has changed radically.

518
00: 30: 40,255 --> 00: 30: 41,965
I do not drink alcohol and I do not smoke.

519
00: 30: 42,048 --> 00: 30: 43,800
I do not practice adultery and I do not take drugs.

520
00: 30: 43,883 --> 00: 30: 46,761
Do not gamble, do not eat meat
I do not eat dairy products.

521
00: 30: 46,970 --> 00: 30: 51,057
Religious Christians from the Morman sect told me,
"Do not be so stubborn, Rafik!"

522
00: 30: 59,899 --> 00: 31: 02,652
Do you know why?
"Los Angeles" is the one who did this to me.

523
00: 31: 02,735 --> 00: 31: 04,612
Los Angeles turned me into a coward.

524
00: 31: 06,489 --> 00: 31: 08,825
In fact, I stopped drinking alcohol
Before I went to Los Angeles.

525
00: 31: 08,908 --> 00: 31: 11,911
I took off drugs before I went there.

526
00: 31: 11,995 --> 00: 31: 13,955
I took all the drugs in Scotland.

527
00: 31: 14,038 --> 00: 31: 16,833
That's true. I took all the drugs
Located in Scotland.

528
00: 31: 16,916 --> 00: 31: 18,042
Eat it all!

529
00: 31: 18,126 --> 00: 31: 22,589
"Does anyone have heroin?"
"No, Craig took all the drugs for himself."

530
00: 31: 23,590 --> 00: 31: 24,966
"But we want to depress addicts
In Trainspotting. "

531
00: 31: 25,049 --> 00: 31: 26,426
Sorry

532
00: 31: 27,051 --> 00: 31: 30,638
I took a lot of drugs in Scotland.
You need to take them there.

533
00: 31: 31,931 --> 00: 31: 36,269
Not to escape violence, intolerance or hatred.
One gets used to these things.

534
00: 31: 37,770 --> 00: 31: 41,399
The order is similar to accommodation near the airport.
You get used to the sound of airplanes and do not notice him for a while.

535
00: 31: 43,109 --> 00: 31: 45,194
What? what's going? Yes, this.

536
00: 31: 47,071 --> 00: 31: 50,909
I needed to take drugs in Scotland,
Not to run away from those things,

537
00: 31: 50,992 --> 00: 31: 54,370
But to escape the taste of my mother in the decoration design.

538
00: 31: 55,705 --> 00: 31: 58,291
Remember that I reached the age of majority in the seventies,

539
00: 31: 58,374 --> 00: 32: 01,377
The worst design era in the history of mankind.

540
00: 32: 01,544 --> 00: 32: 03,463
It was a terrible time to invent designs.

541
00: 32: 03,546 --> 00: 32: 06,174
And do not try, young hippies
To revive it even cynically.

542
00: 32: 06,633 --> 00: 32: 10,762
The 1970s were a terrible era.
Life was torment.

543
00: 32: 10,845 --> 00: 3 2: 16,601
They had nylon bed sheets
In the 1970s. Any madness this?

544
00: 32: 17,185 --> 00: 32: 21,481
Nylon bed sheets? This is insane!
When I was staying at my grandmother's house,

545
00: 32: 21,564 --> 00: 32: 24,609
When I was 16 years old,
I slept in a guest bedroom,

546
00: 32: 24,692 --> 00: 32: 26,361
Bed sheets were nylon,

547
00: 32: 26,444 --> 00: 32: 29,197
I was there when I was 16 years old
And with me the guide "Sears".

548
00: 32: 33,034 --> 00: 32: 37,205
If a teenager is present with the Sears manual,
It will get friction.

549
00: 32: 39,165 --> 00: 32: 42,585
It generates friction with the nylon
Electric sparks.

550
00: 32: 47,590 --> 00: 32: 50,510
I thought Christ had unleashed his wrath on me.

551
00: 32: 58,434 --> 00: 33: 03,523
The 1970s were a terrible era.
Everyone had hair hairstyles!

552
00: 33: 03,606 --> 00: 33: 05,400
Men and women had hair lengths.

553
00: 33: 05,483 --> 00: 33: 07,360
Everyone was covered with hair.
It was terrible.

554
00: 33: 07,485 --> 00: 33: 09,070
All people were thick hair. That's true.

555
00: 33: 09,153 --> 00: 33: 10,905
If you watch pornographic pornographic movies,

556
00: 33: 11,030 --> 00: 33: 13,449
You'll think it's documentary about bears.

557
00: 33: 17,537 --> 00: 33: 21,207
She reached adulthood during a terrible design era
In the history of mankind,

558
00: 33: 21,290 --> 00: 33: 23,543
Add to that my mother's taste ...

559
00: 33: 23,626 --> 00: 33: 25,211
Listen, I loved my mother.

560
00: 33: 25,294 --> 00: 33: 29,215
Actually, but its taste in design
It was like the taste of a dictator from the Middle East.

561
00: 33: 30,466 --> 00: 33: 33,261
Maybe even worse.
If Saddam Hussein had visited her home,

562
00: 33: 33,344 --> 00: 33: 36,639
He said, "This is a little overpriced,
Do not you think so? "

563
00: 33: 39,559 --> 00: 33: 42,687
Because Saddam Hussein was talking
Such as "Dracula" like me.

564
00: 33: 44,605 ​​--> 00: 33: 45,606
That's so ...

565
00: 33: 47,942 --> 00: 33: 49,861
I apologize to any homosexual vampires.

566
00: 33: 51,904 --> 00: 33: 54,157
"Finally, joke us.

567
00: 33: 55,700 --> 00: 33: 58,494
One joke to us. "

568
00: 33: 59,829 --> 00: 34: 03,082
The scene was terrible in her house,
Because it was the era of the seventies,

569
00: 34: 03,166 --> 00: 34: 04,917
The decor was of my mom's design.

570
00: 34: 05,001 --> 00: 34: 06,919
Who came to you from the era of the seventies,

571
00: 34: 07,003 --> 00: 34: 08,921
We were ... we were sitting around the TV.

572
00: 34: 09,005 --> 00: 34: 12,508
The television was like the phone now,
But we did not receive calls. interesting

573
00: 34: 15,011 --> 00: 34: 17,722
We sat around the TV in a small room,

574
00: 34: 17,805 --> 00: 34: 19,974
Who remembers you in the seventies,

575
00: 34: 20,058 --> 00: 34: 21,893
The wallpaper will remember that.
You must remember.

576
00: 34: 21,976 --> 00: 34: 25,063
Wall paper on which is painted onions
And look like the fruits of onions?

577
00: 34: 25,188 --> 00: 34: 29,025
It was decreed on the fruits of onions
They have membranes of some kind.

578
00: 34: 29,108 --> 00: 34: 32,528
Do you know what I'm talking about?
It looked like yellow onions and brown.

579
00: 34: 32,612 --> 00: 34: 35,656
As if my test "Larry King"
They were hanging on the wall.

580
00: 34: 36,491 --> 00: 34: 38,993
I do not mean I saw my "Larry King" testicles.

581
00: 34: 42,830 --> 00: 34: 44,165
I saw one testicle of his testicles.

582
00: 34: 47,085 --> 00: 34: 50,296
But from a distance.
It was being away, so ...

583
00: 34: 50,797 --> 00: 34: 52,048
"Did not you chase me?"

584
00: 34: 52,131 --> 00: 34: 54,092
"Come, Larry, let's tickle some of us."

585
00: 34: 57,595 --> 00: 35: 00,598
It was a wallpaper like my "Larry King"

586
00: 35: 00,681 --> 00: 35: 03,226
This was ... oh my God! It was terrible!
At the ceiling,

587
00: 35: 03,309 --> 00: 35: 06,771
In the 1970s, they hung things up
Looks like creamy whipped cream

588
00: 35: 06,854 --> 00: 35: 08,648
In the middle is porridge. It was like ...

589
00: 35: 08,731 --> 00: 35: 12,026
They were like seagulls' feces
And in the middle of it a porridge grilled or similar.

590
00: 35: 12,193 --> 00: 35: 15,863
Fantastic material hanging in the ceiling
It resembles egg whites and sugar.

591
00: 35: 15,947 --> 00: 35: 16,989
Highly flammable.

592
00: 35: 17,073 --> 00: 35: 20,243
If you have finished on nylon sheets ...
It will set the whole place on fire!

593
00: 35: 25,206 --> 00: 35: 26,582
"Charming surprise!" if

594
00: 35: 28,584 --> 00: 35: 29,794
If, we have ...

595
00: 35: 29,877 --> 00: 35: 32,547
We have privatized "Larry King" on the wall,

596
00: 35: 32,630 --> 00: 35: 37,343
The seagull's feces in the ceiling,
Then, long lint carpets.

597
00: 35: 37,426 --> 00: 35: 41,430
Rugs and hair looks like a long pubic hair on the ground.

598
00: 35: 41,514 --> 00: 35: 44,225
Rugs and hair color
Such as orange juice color with milk

599
00: 35: 44,308 --> 00: 35: 46,769
Or perhaps like the skin color of a particular country's head.

600
00: 35: 48,771 --> 00: 35: 51,524
There is orange dirt on the ground,

601
00: 35: 51,607 --> 00: 35: 52,608
And things that are in the ceiling,

602
00: 35: 52,692 --> 00: 35: 53,860
And on the wall.

603
00: 35: 55,194 --> 00: 35: 56,070
The room ...

604
00: 35: 58,114 --> 00: 36: 00,241
It was like a hallucination
About your use of rotten hallucination pills.

605
00: 36: 00,324 --> 00: 36: 03,035
I was sometimes under the influence of hallucination pills
Really corrupt in that room.

606
00: 36: 03,119 --> 00: 36: 05,246
In the middle of the room,

607
00: 36: 05,746 --> 00: 36: 07,999
There was "the most prominent piece of furniture".

608
00: 36: 08,166 --> 00: 36: 11,419
As you know, that is called French
It means "masterpiece of the opposition" of course.

609
00: 36: 15,381 --> 00: 36: 18,634
The wonderful saloon table.
It was owned by everyone in the 1970s,

610
00: 36: 18,718 --> 00: 36: 20,553
We did not differ from them.
It should have caught the eye, right?

611
00: 36: 20,636 --> 00: 36: 22,763
It should have been flashy

612
00: 36: 22,847 --> 00: 36: 26,058
Let's take a look and say, "This is our palace (Versailles)
In the middle of our house. "

613
00: 36: 26,267 --> 00: 36: 30,146
Our table was supposed to look
Very decorated.

614
00: 36: 30,229 --> 00: 36: 33,774
It was supposed to have 4 marble menus
But we did appreciate the purchase of marble.

615
00: 36: 33,900 --> 00: 36: 36,861
So the plastic menus were gray
Painted with violet lines.

616
00: 36: 38,321 --> 00: 36: 39,572
It was like a penis.

617
00: 36: 41,741 --> 00: 36: 44,869
As if there were four male members standing up towards you.

618
00: 36: 45,745 --> 00: 36: 47,914
I photograph you better than it was and ...

619
00: 36: 52,293 --> 00: 36: 55,922
4 menus similar to the penis, and above ...

620
00: 36: 56,005 --> 00: 37: 00,509
A cloth that has been banned since the 1970s,
Velvet cloth.

621
00: 37: 01,469 --> 00: 37: 03,638
It was terrible. Above the velvety velvet cloth,

622
00: 37: 03,721 --> 00: 37: 06,849
There is a frame made of metal
Recycled

623
00: 37: 07,683 --> 00: 37: 09,268
There is a picture of horses crossing.

624
00: 37: 09,477 --> 00: 37: 12,188
But they were not horses that ran along the length of the picture.

625
00: 37: 12,271 --> 00: 37: 15,483
But it was painted as if it were bound for you
And faces the expression.

626
00: 37: 17,151 --> 00: 37: 20,071
4 hp,
Above all, there is a dark glass,

627
00: 37: 20,154 --> 00: 37: 23,241
Because you must have a dark glass
Because we were in the seventies.

628
00: 37: 23,324 --> 00: 37: 25,701
So, it looked like the Four Sides of the Four Worlds

629
00: 37: 25,785 --> 00: 37: 29,080
They come toward you from what seems like a berserk volcano.

630
00: 37: 29,664 --> 00: 37: 32,708
It was impossible to take drugs
From that table.

631
00: 37: 35,378 --> 00: 37: 37,338
I was putting cocaine to start inhaling it,

632
00: 37: 37,421 --> 00: 37: 40,049
And I see the horses and defecate in my pants for fear
And run away.

633
00: 37: 41,717 --> 00: 37: 43,386
No, it was bad.

634
00: 37: 43,803 --> 00: 37: 47,014
However, I no longer take drugs
I no longer drink alcohol,

635
00: 37: 47,098 --> 00: 37: 48,474
It has become empty of all this.

636
00: 37: 48,641 --> 00: 37: 50,977
I'm doing well. I am now a vegetarian right now Lord.

637
00: 37: 51,394 --> 00: 37: 54,188
Really. No, and save your energy, you vegetarians.

638
00: 37: 58,901 --> 00: 38: 00,820
But I'm really vegetarian. I am a vegetarian

639
00: 38: 00,903 --> 00: 38: 03,489
The situation is strange when you are vegetative.
People get angry with you, right?

640
00: 38: 03,572 --> 00: 38: 06,450
People get angry when you say ...
But angers the Americans.

641
00: 38: 06,534 --> 00: 38: 08,536
They say, "Vegetarian? You've become hating (America) now?"

642
00: 38: 08,661 --> 00: 38: 10,871
The Americans are angry.
As for Canadians ...

643
00: 38: 10,955 --> 00: 38: 14,166
They do not get angry, they do not understand the idea at all.

644
00: 38: 14,583 --> 00: 38: 16,335
For example, "Vegetarian, okay!

645
00: 38: 18,921 --> 00: 38: 20,756
Can you eat bacon? "

646
00: 38: 25,594 --> 00: 38: 28,723
People think you joined a religious sect
Or similar when they become vegetarians.

647
00: 38: 28,806 --> 00: 38: 30,349
They ask, "Is it permissible to eat eggs?"

648
00: 38: 30,433 --> 00: 38: 32,393
Allow me to address what I want,

649
00: 38: 32,560 --> 00: 38: 34,312
It's just a food choice.

650
00: 38: 34,645 --> 00: 38: 38,149
There are no vegetarian intervention forces going into my house
If you ate an egg.

651
00: 38: 38,691 --> 00: 38: 41,193
"Hello, we are the plant intervention forces.
We are tired of too much interference. "

652
00: 38: 46,657 --> 00: 38: 48,451
It's just a choice. That's all.

653
00: 38: 48,534 --> 00: 38: 50,536
Grow older and begin to notice

654
00: 38: 50,619 --> 00: 38: 53,414
The effect of certain foods on your body.

655
00: 38: 53,706 --> 00: 38: 55,333
For example, if you ate an egg,

656
00: 38: 55,416 --> 00: 38: 57,585
I get constipation and do not "show up" for 3 days.

657
00: 38: 58,961 --> 00: 39: 01,505
This is now a common word.

658
00: 39: 01,756 --> 00: 39: 03,758
Yes, it is now a word.

659
00: 39: 06,260 --> 00: 39: 07,219
I became a rogue now.

660
00: 39: 08,012 --> 00: 39: 09,472
But as you know ...

661
00: 39: 09,764 --> 00: 39: 13,017
The opposite is true if you drink milk.
If I drink milk, I will get diarrhea.

662
00: 39: 20,566 --> 00: 39: 23,944
The situation is more like an air anchor
In a hurricane or similar. Horrible

663
00: 39: 26,155 --> 00: 39: 27,990
I notice the effect of food on me.

664
00: 39: 28,074 --> 00: 39: 30,284
For me, the biggest problem is alcohol, of course.

665
00: 39: 30,368 --> 00: 39: 33,287
Allergy affects me if I drink alcohol,

666
00: 39: 33,454 --> 00: 39: 37,249
Her symptoms appear to make me crave alcohol.

667
00: 39: 39,251 --> 00: 39: 42,296
Of course, this leads to more alcohol

668
00: 39: 42,380 --> 00: 39: 43,464
And more alcohol.

669
00: 39: 43,631 --> 00: 39: 45,841
Before I understand what is going on,
I found myself awakened after 3 days

670
00: 39: 45,925 --> 00: 39: 50,137
In a shallow grave in Bogota, Colombia,
And the smell of Bill Cosby.

671
00: 39: 55,559 --> 00: 39: 56,435
Hey moment.

672
00: 39: 57,603 --> 00: 39: 59,522
You made my voice booing me?

673
00: 40: 00,523 --> 00: 40: 05,152
You issued a booing,
And after that, you applauded yourselves for your disdain for me.

674
00: 40: 06,278 --> 00: 40: 07,780
"Yes, we taught him a lesson."

675
00: 40: 11,283 --> 00: 40: 14,578
Let me draw your attention
I'm not fooling my fingers.

676
00: 40: 28,467 --> 00: 40: 31,887
What I mean is that I do not drink alcohol
I do not take drugs, I am a vegetarian.

677
00: 40: 31,971 --> 00: 40: 34,932
Do you know the real reason that made me vegetarian?
I know that often ...

678
00: 40: 35,015 --> 00: 40: 37,518
I should not say that,
But do you know who was blamed?

679
00: 40: 37,601 --> 00: 40: 38,519
"Netflix" ...

680
00: 40: 39,353 --> 00: 40: 40,271
The villains.

681
00: 40: 41,522 --> 00: 40: 43,524
I imagine this will be deleted.

682
00: 40: 45,025 --> 00: 40: 45,860
But

683
00: 40: 49,572 --> 00: 40: 51,699
Welcome back after the deleted section, group.

684
00: 40: 58,164 --> 00: 41: 01,750
Do you know? Netflix is ​​fantastic, is not it?

685
00: 41: 04,086 --> 00: 41: 05,588
No, here's what happened.

686
00: 41: 05,671 --> 00: 41: 08,090
I watched a documentary on ...

687
00: 41: 08,424 --> 00: 41: 12,553
Rotten meat or the like on "Netflix",
The effect on me.

688
00: 41: 12,970 --> 00: 41: 15,556
And stopped eating meat for a few days,
And then tried to return to eat it,

689
00: 41: 15,639 --> 00: 41: 17,224
And failed to do so. My mind did not leave what I saw.

690
00: 41: 17,308 --> 00: 41: 21,353
I can not stop thinking about it.
It's like a Sears guide but it's about food.

691
00: 41: 22,188 --> 00: 41: 23,981
I can not forget it.
I can not go back as I was.

692
00: 41: 24,064 --> 00: 41: 26,984
Netflix changed me. You changed me!

693
00: 41: 27,067 --> 00: 41: 30,321
Because of "Netflix",
I had to travel to Japan.

694
00: 41: 32,698 --> 00: 41: 33,866
Let me explain.

695
00: 41: 34,617 --> 00: 41: 36,577
This actually happened. I

696
00: 41: 36,827 --> 00: 41: 39,955
When I was informed about 13 years ago,

697
00: 41: 40,080 --> 00: 41: 43,959
My mother and I traveled on a journey
To consolidate our relationship, this was the only time,

698
00: 41: 44,043 --> 00: 41: 48,088
To visit my uncle "James" who was living
In Long Island on the outskirts of New York.

699
00: 41: 48,172 --> 00: 41: 51,383
It was my first time in America, and it changed me,
Because I wanted to go to it.

700
00: 41: 51,467 --> 00: 41: 54,011
I wanted to be part of the American dream.
I wanted to live in America.

701
00: 41: 54,094 --> 00: 41: 56,305
So when my son ...

702
00: 41: 56,388 --> 00: 41: 58,599
When my eldest son reached the age of 13,

703
00: 41: 58,682 --> 00: 42: 03,729
I told him, "Ask for any spot in the world
And we will bring it together on our own, my son. "

704
00: 42: 03,812 --> 00: 42: 06,524
I wished in my heart
To request Canadian "Montreal".

705
00: 42: 10,361 --> 00: 42: 14,490
Or "your country where you see (Netflix)
"I said so.

706
00: 42: 17,493 --> 00: 42: 21,372
"Wondrous, how do you know the country we are watching?
People very much like the situation here

707
00: 42: 21,455 --> 00: 42: 23,165
In our (display area). "

708
00: 42: 26,210 --> 00: 42: 28,712
Because we were watching "Netflix",

709
00: 42: 28,796 --> 00: 42: 30,756
I told my son, "Ask any country you want."

710
00: 42: 30,839 --> 00: 42: 32,591
Because we are watching Netflix,

711
00: 42: 32,716 --> 00: 42: 35,386
He follows the series "Anime" Japanese.
He loves "Anime" series.

712
00: 42: 35,469 --> 00: 42: 39,598
He likes "Anime" series like "Cowboy Bebop"
And "Sol Etter" and "Pokemon" I think,

713
00: 42: 39,682 --> 00: 42: 41,600
and all that. They are all amazing series.

714
00: 42: 41,725 ​​--> 00: 42: 44,603
He loved it all, so he said, "No Dad,
I want to visit (Japan). "

715
00: 42: 44,687 --> 00: 42: 46,647
I had never thought of traveling to Japan.

716
00: 42: 46,730 --> 00: 42: 48,899
I did not support or oppose the idea,

717
00: 42: 48,983 --> 00: 42: 50,401
But it never occurred to me.

718
00: 42: 50,484 --> 00: 42: 52,820
It was like having sex
With a hairy person has a freckle.

719
00: 42: 52,903 --> 00: 42: 54,280
Did not happen ...

720
00: 42: 55,197 --> 00: 42: 56,824
I got this idea.

721
00: 43: 01,412 --> 00: 43: 04,790
Perhaps once with the comedy "Top Card",
I thought about it for a moment, but ...

722
00: 43: 05,791 --> 00: 43: 07,918
I do not like artificial beauty.

723
00: 43: 10,462 --> 00: 43: 12,756
But I was wrong
In my unwillingness to visit Japan.

724
00: 43: 12,840 --> 00: 43: 14,091
"Japan" amazing country.

725
00: 43: 14,174 --> 00: 43: 16,594
You must have already visited Japan.
anybody

726
00: 43: 16,719 --> 00: 43: 19,346
Amazingly beautiful and beautiful country.

727
00: 43: 19,513 --> 00: 43: 21,390
I imagine that when the Japanese visit the West,

728
00: 43: 21,473 --> 00: 43: 25,019
They see us as reactionary, non-civilized barbarians
From the Middle Ages.

729
00: 43: 25,144 --> 00: 43: 28,314
The way we clean our breeches
It makes them see us so.

730
00: 43: 28,397 --> 00: 43: 30,649
Perhaps they are right. Think about this.

731
00: 43: 30,774 --> 00: 43: 34,028
Imagine ... I do not wish to get this to you,
But imagine that there is ...

732
00: 43: 34,111 --> 00: 43: 35,279
"Stools" on your hands.

733
00: 43: 38,282 --> 00: 43: 41,577
Okay. Imagine that there is a waste on your hands.
This is possible.

734
00: 43: 41,660 --> 00: 43: 44,496
I do not know. You were at a party
And Marstem tickle with one.

735
00: 43: 45,205 --> 00: 43: 48,417
Suddenly, the grip of your hands became
Covered with human waste.

736
00: 43: 49,752 --> 00: 43: 51,629
Your right! We've all had this attitude!

737
00: 43: 56,133 --> 00: 43: 58,302
I'm glad not to be on CBS.

738
00: 43: 58,427 --> 00: 43: 59,345
But yes ...

739
00: 44: 00,429 --> 00: 44: 02,806
No. Imagine there's a waste on you, okay?

740
00: 44: 02,890 --> 00: 44: 06,018
One will not take a piece of dry paper
From the wall,

741
00: 44: 06,101 --> 00: 44: 08,020
He does this
"Yes, we're done, it's clean now.

742
00: 44: 08,103 --> 00: 44: 09,855
Yes, that's good, come on. "

743
00: 44: 12,149 --> 00: 44: 14,151
This is what people in the bathrooms do in the West.

744
00: 44: 14,234 --> 00: 44: 16,028
They shave, wipe and finish.

745
00: 44: 16,737 --> 00: 44: 20,366
But in the Japanese bath,
You will have a very different experience.

746
00: 44: 20,699 --> 00: 44: 24,870
You will live a fantasy experience, my friends
If you use a Japanese bath.

747
00: 44: 24,953 --> 00: 44: 25,871
It's beautiful

748
00: 44: 25,954 --> 00: 44: 28,666
The lighting changes when you enter the Japanese bathroom.

749
00: 44: 28,749 --> 00: 44: 31,794
Realize your presence, and play the music of the singer "Enya".

750
00: 44: 35,089 --> 00: 44: 39,134
It is exquisite, and a toilet gate opens for another dimension.

751
00: 44: 39,593 --> 00: 44: 42,179
It is unreasonable. it is amazing

752
00: 44: 42,262 --> 00: 44: 44,973
She sits on the toilet seat and finds him warm.

753
00: 44: 45,224 --> 00: 44: 49,937
Warm by electric power,
Not because of the fat man in front of you at the airport.

754
00: 44: 50,604 --> 00: 44: 51,730
electricity

755
00: 44: 55,317 --> 00: 44: 57,903
You like the situation, and need your needs,

756
00: 44: 57,986 --> 00: 45: 00,698
When you're done, the toilet knows you're done.

757
00: 45: 00,781 --> 00: 45: 04,284
I find this strange because I am personally
I do not know if I've finished sometimes.

758
00: 45: 05,577 --> 00: 45: 06,912
But he knows!

759
00: 45: 07,329 --> 00: 45: 09,707
When you have finished your need,

760
00: 45: 09,873 --> 00: 45: 13,168
Water sprayers start spraying water under you,

761
00: 45: 13,252 --> 00: 45: 15,337
Make you say, "Wow! What's going on?"

762
00: 45: 15,671 --> 00: 45: 18,090
As if there were pygmy firefighters fighting under you.

763
00: 45: 19,216 --> 00: 45: 21,218
"Come on! Let's go!"

764
00: 45: 21,343 --> 00: 45: 23,846
"I do not exist!

765
00: 45: 24,680 --> 00: 45: 27,015
She wonders and says, "My God!"

766
00: 45: 29,143 --> 00: 45: 31,770
When this is over,
You think nothing will outweigh that.

767
00: 45: 31,854 --> 00: 45: 33,188
Your thinking is wrong.

768
00: 45: 34,064 --> 00: 45: 37,192
Dryers work when it ends.

769
00: 45: 37,317 --> 00: 45: 38,193
Dryers!

770
00: 45: 40,446 --> 00: 45: 43,824
As if there were monks who cracked their voices
Directly towards your anus.

771
00: 45: 52,291 --> 00: 45: 55,043
When this is over,
You think nothing will outweigh that.

772
00: 45: 55,127 --> 00: 45: 56,587
I mistook again!

773
00: 45: 57,212 --> 00: 45: 58,338
When it ends ...

774
00: 45: 59,423 --> 00: 46: 02,509
A cloud of scented talcum powder is emitted.

775
00: 46: 03,969 --> 00: 46: 05,053
I was overwhelmed by surprise!

776
00: 46: 24,156 --> 00: 46: 28,452
It is not usual to say this,
But that bathroom made me a better man.

777
00: 46: 30,954 --> 00: 46: 35,459
In fact, what happened is that after I finished,
I sat still and said, "My God!

778
00: 46: 36,376 --> 00: 46: 38,170
I wonder if I can do it again. "

779
00: 46: 40,672 --> 00: 46: 42,132
But the toilet knows.

780
00: 46: 43,675 --> 00: 46: 47,513
"You can take care of your need again
After 4 hours and 23 minutes. "

781
00: 46: 48,180 --> 00: 46: 49,890
"I see you then, the extraordinary invention."

782
00: 46: 50,015 --> 00: 46: 52,309
"Take care of yourself, your Space Cowboy."

783
00: 46: 54,144 --> 00: 46: 56,647
So I think it's thanks to "Netflix"
On that experience.

784
00: 46: 58,774 --> 00: 47: 00,776
Just think about it,
I am working for Netflix now.

785
00: 47: 00,859 --> 00: 47: 02,736
We all work with Netflix,
One way or another now.

786
00: 47: 03,153 --> 00: 47: 05,447
Netflix has changed the world.

787
00: 47: 05,531 --> 00: 47: 08,075
Ability to watch serials and movies
Whenever I wanted.

788
00: 47: 08,158 --> 00: 47: 10,911
This is not limited to "Netflix".
There are "Netflix", "Hollow" and "Kerkl"

789
00: 47: 10,994 --> 00: 47: 13,956
And "deviation".
I do not know, all those different services.

790
00: 47: 14,039 --> 00: 47: 16,458
I'm not sure if there was a viewing service
Its name is "deviation"

791
00: 47: 16,542 --> 00: 47: 17,876
But you understand my intention.

792
00: 47: 18,627 --> 00: 47: 19,795
All of these viewing services are available.

793
00: 47: 19,878 --> 00: 47: 21,755
You can see anything you want to see

794
00: 47: 21,839 --> 00: 47: 23,173
Whenever you like

795
00: 47: 23,257 --> 00: 47: 25,050
I think this is a good idea.

796
00: 47: 25,467 --> 00: 47: 26,760
Except for

797
00: 47: 27,010 --> 00: 47: 28,846
When it comes to news bulletins.

798
00: 47: 28,929 --> 00: 47: 33,976
In my opinion, we should not watch the news
Which we want when we want it,

799
00: 47: 34,059 --> 00: 47: 37,771
Because this may cause ...
So is the origin of the problems,

800
00: 47: 37,855 --> 00: 47: 40,107
Because all conservatives
Watch the Fox News Network

801
00: 47: 40,190 --> 00: 47: 42,568
To hear the news that matches their views.

802
00: 47: 42,651 --> 00: 47: 46,238
And all liberals
Watch all other media

803
00: 47: 46,363 --> 00: 47: 48,699
To hear the news that matches their views.

804
00: 47: 48,782 --> 00: 47: 51,451
And people who do not care
They watch CNN only.

805
00: 47: 52,744 --> 00: 47: 55,289
Because that network does not really care.
That must be its motto.

806
00: 47: 55,372 --> 00: 47: 57,666
"CNN: We do not care."

807
00: 48: 01,295 --> 00: 48: 03,839
Wait for my next show on CNN.

808
00: 48: 05,632 --> 00: 48: 08,886
Watching the news
On the British "BBC" network.

809
00: 48: 10,596 --> 00: 48: 11,597
That's true.

810
00: 48: 11,680 --> 00: 48: 13,348
Because, like many others,

811
00: 48: 13,432 --> 00: 48: 15,934
I think if I hear the news
British accent,

812
00: 48: 16,018 --> 00: 48: 18,520
I am smarter than everyone in some way.

813
00: 48: 19,521 --> 00: 48: 20,981
It works.

814
00: 48: 21,064 --> 00: 48: 23,191
This succeeds with the British accents.
I do not know the reason

815
00: 48: 23,275 --> 00: 48: 25,027
I met many stupid Britons.

816
00: 48: 25,110 --> 00: 48: 27,654
"Hey, sir, do you want to have a magic sex?"

817
00: 48: 30,532 --> 00: 48: 33,201
But the high-end British cheered me every time.

818
00: 48: 33,285 --> 00: 48: 35,495
I do not know the reason
It should not happen to me but it does.

819
00: 48: 35,579 --> 00: 48: 38,248
I hear the news and am convinced of what is being said.
For example

820
00: 48: 38,373 --> 00: 48: 41,168
"(Donald Trump) said today in (America)
Something that shakes public modesty

821
00: 48: 41,251 --> 00: 48: 42,961
Everyone is outraged. "

822
00: 48: 43,503 --> 00: 48: 46,298
I say, "I imagine they are angry (the BBC).
thanks for the information

823
00: 48: 46,381 --> 00: 48: 48,050
I will prepare a cup of tea only,

824
00: 48: 48,383 --> 00: 48: 51,303
I filled my truck with gasoline and left here. "

825
00: 48: 52,638 --> 00: 48: 54,097
This affects the sound every time.

826
00: 48: 54,181 --> 00: 48: 56,433
When you want to express the height of status and prestige,

827
00: 48: 56,516 --> 00: 48: 59,061
You use the high-end British.
Always succeed.

828
00: 48: 59,144 --> 00: 49: 01,104
The character of Obi Wan Kenobi in Star Wars,

829
00: 49: 01,188 --> 00: 49: 03,315
When they were trying
The great "Jedi" Knight joined them,

830
00: 49: 03,398 --> 00: 49: 05,067
Using Alec Guinness
To perform the character.

831
00: 49: 05,150 --> 00: 49: 07,110
With his beautiful voice it,

832
00: 49: 07,235 --> 00: 49: 08,111
if

833
00: 49: 08,195 --> 00: 49: 10,322
You want to be a knight (Gidai). "

834
00: 49: 11,365 --> 00: 49: 14,743
Sound wonderful and much better than this,
"Do you want to be a knight?"

835
00: 49: 19,748 --> 00: 49: 21,375
"Feel the power, Luke."

836
00: 49: 25,295 --> 00: 49: 27,381
This affects the sound every time.

837
00: 49: 27,464 --> 00: 49: 30,592
They did so with Hannibal Lecter,
In the film "Nights of the Laps".

838
00: 49: 30,676 --> 00: 49: 33,011
Because he was a thief,
But this is not scary enough.

839
00: 49: 33,095 --> 00: 49: 35,555
You have to make him a genius

840
00: 49: 35,639 --> 00: 49: 37,265
You will consume your flesh after he kills you,

841
00: 49: 37,349 --> 00: 49: 39,476
Tony Hopkins says that is a stunning sound,

842
00: 49: 39,559 --> 00: 49: 41,853
"Do you hear the voice of the lambs (Claris)?"

843
00: 49: 43,355 --> 00: 49: 47,025
Very scary, it will not be scary if you say so,
"Do you hear the voice of a lamb?"

844
00: 49: 48,318 --> 00: 49: 50,570
This has never been frankly raised by me
anyway

845
00: 49: 50,654 --> 00: 49: 52,656
You feel a degree of fear,
But I was not terrified.

846
00: 49: 52,739 --> 00: 49: 56,201
Afraid of the thugs,
But not thugs as cannibals.

847
00: 49: 56,284 --> 00: 49: 58,286
Because once you die ...

848
00: 50: 00,622 --> 00: 50: 02,499
This is the meaning behind death, right?

849
00: 50: 02,582 --> 00: 50: 04,710
With grace and healing, you villain, do not care.

850
00: 50: 06,003 --> 00: 50: 08,839
You can follow the news
On CNN then,

851
00: 50: 08,922 --> 00: 50: 10,799
You no longer care.

852
00: 50: 12,467 --> 00: 50: 15,012
Afraid of cannibals? What are you doing?

853
00: 50: 15,095 --> 00: 50: 16,763
I'm afraid of a little death.

854
00: 50: 16,888 --> 00: 50: 20,142
I'm thinking of death, it's my mind.

855
00: 50: 20,225 --> 00: 50: 22,102
The idea of ​​death does not even come to mind
Young people.

856
00: 50: 22,185 --> 00: 50: 24,021
Damn you man, you and your wonderful life.

857
00: 50: 24,104 --> 00: 50: 26,440
"What is death?
Is it a place not covered by Wi-Fi coverage? "

858
00: 50: 26,523 --> 00: 50: 27,357
Yes, it is.

859
00: 50: 31,862 --> 00: 50: 34,614
After 50 years, people will be buried

860
00: 50: 34,698 --> 00: 50: 37,117
They carry their phones in their hands like this.

861
00: 50: 37,617 --> 00: 50: 40,328
Because it did not actually happen if it was not published
On social media.

862
00: 50: 40,412 --> 00: 50: 41,872
"Here is the image of my body as it decomposes.

863
00: 50: 42,914 --> 00: 50: 44,499
Hachtag (the courtyard). "

864
00: 50: 49,171 --> 00: 50: 52,507
I know that resentment of young people and their techniques
Is a sign of progress in age,

865
00: 50: 52,591 --> 00: 50: 56,762
Sorry, I do not mean it,
I'm just annoyed by smart phones.

866
00: 50: 56,845 --> 00: 51: 00,140
I realize they are very helpful.

867
00: 51: 00,223 --> 00: 51: 03,351
But they are addictive,
I have a bad history with addiction.

868
00: 51: 03,435 --> 00: 51: 04,269
I am ...

869
00: 51: 05,145 --> 00: 51: 07,022
I'm not sure if anyone has
Good history with addiction.

870
00: 51: 07,105 --> 00: 51: 09,608
"Yes, I was addicted to heroin.
It was an amazing experience. "

871
00: 51: 10,734 --> 00: 51: 12,069
I have a bad history with addiction,

872
00: 51: 12,152 --> 00: 51: 14,863
I suspect those phones are addictive,
But they are very useful.

873
00: 51: 14,946 --> 00: 51: 17,949
I think heroin is also useful
In some cases, for example,

874
00: 51: 18,033 --> 00: 51: 20,577
"I can not sleep."
"Try heroin abuse."

875
00: 51: 22,746 --> 00: 51: 23,914
What I mean is ...

876
00: 51: 23,997 --> 00: 51: 26,750
Very useful. I benefited from one recently.

877
00: 51: 26,833 --> 00: 51: 28,877
My cell phone saved me from an emergency medical condition.

878
00: 51: 28,960 --> 00: 51: 31,254
It was not a medical emergency, but it was a problem.

879
00: 51: 31,630 --> 00: 51: 33,965
I was on a journey by car
During my comedy tour,

880
00: 51: 34,049 --> 00: 51: 36,301
A lump appeared in my ass.

881
00: 51: 37,719 --> 00: 51: 40,430
Thanks. High laughter. Thank you so much

882
00: 51: 41,431 --> 00: 51: 42,599
"Block in your ass!"

883
00: 51: 44,392 --> 00: 51: 46,394
A lump appeared in my ass and was awful.

884
00: 51: 46,478 --> 00: 51: 48,480
When a block appears in your ass in your youth,

885
00: 51: 48,563 --> 00: 51: 51,149
You say, "Mass in my ass!
Let's go out and have fun! "But ...

886
00: 51: 51,316 --> 00: 51: 52,400
If this happens in your grave, you say,

887
00: 51: 52,484 --> 00: 51: 54,903
"Mass in my ass? This is the end?
So will I die?

888
00: 51: 56,279 --> 00: 51: 57,447
A lump in my ass?

889
00: 51: 57,989 --> 00: 52: 00,408
So what will be the news of my death on the site "TMZ"?

890
00: 52: 00,492 --> 00: 52: 02,410
"Curse of the nighttime comedy show.
Another block in the rear.

891
00: 52: 02,494 --> 00: 52: 04,788
The death of a former presenter of a comic evening program
By a mass in the rear. "

892
00: 52: 06,414 --> 00: 52: 09,459
I called my doctor in Los Angeles,
I called him the mass in my ass,

893
00: 52: 09,543 --> 00: 52: 10,418
and he told me

894
00: 52: 11,378 --> 00: 52: 12,879
"Do you have a smartphone?"

895
00: 52: 12,963 --> 00: 52: 15,465
I answered "Yes!" Is that the reason?
Does it produce harmful rays?

896
00: 52: 15,549 --> 00: 52: 16,883
Do I get cancer of the ass? "

897
00: 52: 17,342 --> 00: 52: 18,927
He said, "No, you idiot.
Do you have a smartphone? "

898
00: 52: 19,010 --> 00: 52: 22,055
I answered him "yes"
He said, "Take a picture of the mass in your ass,

899
00: 52: 23,682 --> 00: 52: 25,267
And sent it to my e-mail. "

900
00: 52: 25,684 --> 00: 52: 27,561
I said, "Doctor!

901
00: 52: 31,982 --> 00: 52: 34,401
It usually happens in the third deadline. "

902
00: 52: 36,278 --> 00: 52: 37,154
But

903
00: 52: 37,237 --> 00: 52: 38,780
He is a doctor, so ...

904
00: 52: 39,990 --> 00: 52: 41,366
I came down to pick up the picture

905
00: 52: 41,449 --> 00: 52: 43,410
Thanks to Kundalini yoga,

906
00: 52: 46,288 --> 00: 52: 47,706
She took a self portrait.

907
00: 52: 48,331 --> 00: 52: 51,376
They were very close. Very close to the mass.

908
00: 52: 51,459 --> 00: 52: 52,752
You will not notice that it is my ass.

909
00: 52: 52,836 --> 00: 52: 54,713
You will not say, "My God! Block in the ass!"

910
00: 52: 54,796 --> 00: 52: 56,173
It was more like an abstract picture.

911
00: 52: 56,298 --> 00: 52: 58,800
It looked like a shirt dyed in overlapping colors or the like.

912
00: 52: 58,884 --> 00: 53: 00,844
You know what I'm talking about. Yup

913
00: 53: 00,969 --> 00: 53: 04,806
The next time you see a shirt like this,
You will remember our special evening together.

914
00: 53: 07,601 --> 00: 53: 10,145
If, I sent him a block image of my ass.

915
00: 53: 10,228 --> 00: 53: 13,106
He said, "Yes,
You have hemorrhoids (Craig). "

916
00: 53: 13,690 --> 00: 53: 15,609
I said, "I have never been hit by this."

917
00: 53: 15,692 --> 00: 53: 17,694
He said, "Congratulations.

918
00: 53: 18,570 --> 00: 53: 19,988
It has come a long way well,

919
00: 53: 20,572 --> 00: 53: 22,032
But you have become one of us now. "

920
00: 53: 22,824 --> 00: 53: 25,994
I asked him, "What do I do to treat him?"
He asked me to "put some ointment on it."

921
00: 53: 26,077 --> 00: 53: 27,787
I said, "I do not mean hemorrhoids, but the picture.

922
00: 53: 27,871 --> 00: 53: 29,831
What do I do with the picture? "

923
00: 53: 31,041 --> 00: 53: 32,584
"I do not care," he said.

924
00: 53: 32,667 --> 00: 53: 36,504
And here you know I'm a trifling little-minded man
Seeking revenge

925
00: 53: 36,588 --> 00: 53: 38,381
Because I swear that this really happened.

926
00: 53: 38,673 --> 00: 53: 41,676
The contact information section opens
On my smartphone,

927
00: 53: 42,427 --> 00: 53: 46,348
That image was linked to my freedom
To show me when they are connected.

928
00: 53: 47,891 --> 00: 53: 49,226
I swear I did.

929
00: 53: 54,814 --> 00: 53: 56,608
The nuisance causes pain in my ass.

930
00: 54: 01,112 --> 00: 54: 03,365
But I'm addicted to my phone,
When you try to leave him and you are addicted,

931
00: 54: 03,448 --> 00: 54: 05,867
You feel ... strange things.

932
00: 54: 05,951 --> 00: 54: 09,621
I had a supernatural experience

933
00: 54: 09,704 --> 00: 54: 11,206
Because of my smartphone.

934
00: 54: 11,915 --> 00: 54: 13,375
Let me explain.

935
00: 54: 13,959 --> 00: 54: 15,043
This actually happened.

936
00: 54: 15,168 --> 00: 54: 16,419
After ...

937
00: 54: 16,962 --> 00: 54: 18,964
After I resigned from my comedy evening program ...

938
00: 54: 19,047 --> 00: 54: 20,840
If you quit your job,
Your day of resignation will be great,

939
00: 54: 20,924 --> 00: 54: 23,468
The next day,
Begin to absorb what you have implicated yourself in.

940
00: 54: 24,636 --> 00: 54: 27,222
So I was on my first day
From my absorption because I am in trouble,

941
00: 54: 27,305 --> 00: 54: 29,432
I thought to myself, "I do not know what I'm going to do."

942
00: 54: 29,516 --> 00: 54: 32,811
What I do when I can not find a solution
Is that I travel by car,

943
00: 54: 32,894 --> 00: 54: 35,730
My best friend in the world, my friend "John"

944
00: 54: 35,814 --> 00: 54: 38,608
Lives in a city called Prescott,
In "Arizona" that ...

945
00: 54: 38,692 --> 00: 54: 40,944
It is about 6 hours by car
About "Los Angeles".

946
00: 54: 41,027 --> 00: 54: 43,321
And John is also old. He is an old man.

947
00: 54: 43,405 --> 00: 54: 45,699
Because he lives in Prescott,
Everyone is elderly.

948
00: 54: 45,782 --> 00: 54: 47,325
I love visiting Prescott a lot,

949
00: 54: 47,409 --> 00: 54: 50,537
Because outsiders in the street call me "boy".

950
00: 54: 51,162 --> 00: 54: 52,789
For example, "What are you doing at Prescott, boy?"

951
00: 54: 52,872 --> 00: 54: 55,333
I say, "Grab the newspapers, Mr. Peterson!"

952
00: 54: 57,002 --> 00: 54: 59,546
I wear a hat with a small helicopter and the like.

953
00: 55: 02,924 --> 00: 55: 06,720
So, I decided to visit "John"
In Prescott, Arizona.

954
00: 55: 06,803 --> 00: 55: 08,847
I traveled by car to Prescott,
Just before my arrival,

955
00: 55: 08,930 --> 00: 55: 11,182
A mighty Western storm blew.

956
00: 55: 11,266 --> 00: 55: 13,768
There was a huge bleak pull and a lightning bolt.

957
00: 55: 14,602 --> 00: 55: 16,604
You know how the storm looks. It was so.

958
00: 55: 16,813 --> 00: 55: 18,565
It was enormous, I said, "crushed!"

959
00: 55: 18,648 --> 00: 55: 20,233
Prescott and ...

960
00: 55: 20,317 --> 00: 55: 24,321
I decided to stay in the hotel I saw
On my way to Prescott.

961
00: 55: 24,404 --> 00: 55: 26,114
I will tell you the name of that hotel

962
00: 55: 26,197 --> 00: 55: 28,283
Because you will not believe the story that I will tell you,

963
00: 55: 28,366 --> 00: 55: 30,285
You will want to find the name of the hotel
In "Google".

964
00: 55: 30,368 --> 00: 55: 34,164
This is true. Hotel name "Inn (Haseyama)"

965
00: 55: 34,247 --> 00: 55: 36,207
In Prescott, Arizona. "Hasayamba".

966
00: 55: 36,333 --> 00: 55: 38,877
It is an old word taken from the Native Americans.
"Hasayamba".

967
00: 55: 38,960 --> 00: 55: 41,921
It means "follow the course of the river as far as possible".

968
00: 55: 42,130 --> 00: 55: 44,466
I do not know why you might need a word
in this meaning

969
00: 55: 46,051 --> 00: 55: 48,428
When will it be necessary to use that word?

970
00: 55: 49,554 --> 00: 55: 50,638
Where are you going

971
00: 55: 50,722 --> 00: 55: 52,140
"(Hasayamba)."

972
00: 55: 53,475 --> 00: 55: 54,309
one more time

973
00: 55: 56,770 --> 00: 55: 58,396
"My name is Janis."

974
00: 56: 00,982 --> 00: 56: 02,484
However, this is not our issue here.

975
00: 56: 02,567 --> 00: 56: 05,070
His name is "Hasayamba"
In Prescott, Arizona.

976
00: 56: 05,195 --> 00: 56: 08,490
It was a beautiful getaway designed by Victory,
But the rain was falling,

977
00: 56: 08,573 --> 00: 56: 11,826
Scared and rushed to the hotel,
When I entered,

978
00: 56: 11,951 --> 00: 56: 15,747
I found an old man
Sitting behind the reception desk

979
00: 56: 15,830 --> 00: 56: 18,750
It was like "Wilford Premly"
With a cat on his shovel.

980
00: 56: 18,833 --> 00: 56: 20,960
He was making such a noise.
I said to him, "Sorry sir,

981
00: 56: 21,086 --> 00: 56: 23,963
Is it possible to stay here tonight?
Even if I did not book a room in advance? "

982
00: 56: 24,047 --> 00: 56: 26,716
"Yes, the hotel rooms are empty.

983
00: 56: 30,595 --> 00: 56: 32,555
You can stay in the bridal suite.

984
00: 56: 33,390 --> 00: 56: 35,225
Room 426. "

985
00: 56: 35,350 --> 00: 56: 36,851
I said to him, "Great! I will take it."

986
00: 56: 37,519 --> 00: 56: 40,146
I went to the bridal suite and found it beautiful.

987
00: 56: 40,230 --> 00: 56: 42,857
It was a nice room and looked like a hotel suite.

988
00: 56: 42,982 --> 00: 56: 45,902
So, I took out my smartphone
To send a picture of the hotel to my family,

989
00: 56: 45,985 --> 00: 56: 47,946
My phone ran out of battery, and I knew I was in trouble

990
00: 56: 48,154 --> 00: 56: 51,449
Because I left the shipper in my car,
The atmosphere is very windy.

991
00: 56: 51,533 --> 00: 56: 53,201
Rain, lightning, lightning and the like.

992
00: 56: 53,284 --> 00: 56: 54,911
So, I called the reception desk, and I said,

993
00: 56: 54,994 --> 00: 56: 58,123
"Sorry, my phone is not working, do you have a charger?"

994
00: 56: 58,331 --> 00: 57: 00,792
The man said, "There's a phone in your room, sir.

995
00: 57: 02,252 --> 00: 57: 05,004
You're calling me from now. "

996
00: 57: 08,591 --> 00: 57: 11,428
I said, "Yes, well, forget it."

997
00: 57: 14,681 --> 00: 57: 16,391
I left the charger in the car,

998
00: 57: 16,474 --> 00: 57: 19,477
I did not want to go outside
To bring it. Rainy weather

999
00: 57: 19,561 --> 00: 57: 22,439
I can skip one night
Without my cell phone.

1000
00: 57: 22,522 --> 00: 57: 23,523
Your Lord!

1001
00: 57: 23,648 --> 00: 57: 25,525
I'm not addicted to my cell phone.

1002
00: 57: 25,608 --> 00: 57: 28,736
So, I left my phone, and I said to myself,
"I have to waste time.

1003
00: 57: 28,820 --> 00: 57: 31,698
Late at night,
I am a lonely man in a hotel room.

1004
00: 57: 31,781 --> 00: 57: 34,242
I will watch the nighttime programs. "
I ran television,

1005
00: 57: 34,367 --> 00: 57: 36,786
I said, "No, this does not suit me." and then

1006
00: 57: 37,745 --> 00: 57: 39,914
I said to myself, "A lonely man ...

1007
00: 57: 40,206 --> 00: 57: 41,708
In a hotel room. "

1008
00: 57: 41,791 --> 00: 57: 43,793
I checked bed sheets,
I found it nylon.

1009
00: 57: 46,254 --> 00: 57: 48,631
But that did not stimulate my appetite though.

1010
00: 57: 48,715 --> 00: 57: 50,467
Yes, he was 55 years old.

1011
00: 57: 50,717 --> 00: 57: 52,510
I can no longer masturbate.

1012
00: 57: 52,927 --> 00: 57: 56,055
If you do not have someone to help you with this
So age, Vance is up.

1013
00: 58: 00,310 --> 00: 58: 01,519
It is a personal opinion.

1014
00: 58: 02,937 --> 00: 58: 06,858
I said to myself, "I can leave my phone.
I'm not addicted to it. "

1015
00: 58: 06,941 --> 00: 58: 09,986
Then I started to feel ...
You know what I'm talking about.

1016
00: 58: 10,570 --> 00: 58: 13,823
I know the symptoms of withdrawal from addiction,
I know what the addict feels.

1017
00: 58: 13,907 --> 00: 58: 16,910
I said, "Hey, this is not good."

1018
00: 58: 16,993 --> 00: 58: 20,163
I began to accelerate my heartbeat,
I felt a panic.

1019
00: 58: 20,246 --> 00: 58: 23,249
I said, "Damn, that's bad.
Does this happen because of the phone? "

1020
00: 58: 23,333 --> 00: 58: 24,334
I was barely breathing,

1021
00: 58: 24,584 --> 00: 58: 27,504
I began to panic.

1022
00: 58: 27,587 --> 00: 58: 28,630
what's going on

1023
00: 58: 28,796 --> 00: 58: 32,383
I began to suffer from a blurry vision,
I was frightened,

1024
00: 58: 32,467 --> 00: 58: 34,844
I said, "crushed this",
She went out to go to the car

1025
00: 58: 34,928 --> 00: 58: 37,764
To get the shipper while it was raining.

1026
00: 58: 37,847 --> 00: 58: 40,475
It was possible to see my dream through my shirt
I was exciting.

1027
00: 58: 40,558 --> 00: 58: 43,603
We looked like a fashion designer "Fabio"
On the cover of a book.

1028
00: 58: 45,230 --> 00: 58: 47,315
I brought the charger, and I returned to my room,

1029
00: 58: 47,398 --> 00: 58: 48,858
I connected the phone to the charger and waited,

ten thirty
00: 58: 48,942 --> 00: 58: 52,362
The slogan of the apple was shown,
I felt very relaxed.

1031
00: 58: 53,363 --> 00: 58: 56,449
I opened "Google" and read the news
Reese Witherspoon is 1.85 meters long.

1032
00: 58: 56,533 --> 00: 58: 57,367
just awesome

1033
00: 59: 00,078 --> 00: 59: 01,788
Then I looked at "Google", and you will do like me,

1034
00: 59: 01,871 --> 00: 59: 06,125
I looked for a hostel "Hasayamba" in "Prescott"
In "Arizona", I got this result,

1035
00: 59: 06,209 --> 00: 59: 10,630
"The most haunted hotel in (America)",
My reaction was ...

1036
00: 59: 15,426 --> 00: 59: 17,720
Really! Then I read that article,
And written in it,

1037
00: 59: 17,804 --> 00: 59: 19,847
"Yes, a hotel (Haseiampa) is actually haunted.

1038
00: 59: 19,931 --> 00: 59: 23,518
Do not stay in room 426 in the bridal suite
under any condition

1039
00: 59: 23,601 --> 00: 59: 24,727
My reaction was ...

1040
00: 59: 28,690 --> 00: 59: 31,734
what the hell? I went quickly
To the receptionist, the elderly man was present,

1041
00: 59: 31,818 --> 00: 59: 36,114
I asked him, "Has anyone ever complained?
From the supernatural phenomenon in room no. 426? "

1042
00: 59: 36,197 --> 00: 59: 39,075
He turned into a bat and flew away!

1043
00: 59: 41,077 --> 00: 59: 43,121
I wrote that, that did not happen, but ...

1044
00: 59: 44,038 --> 00: 59: 47,625
There seems to be a woman ghost in that room,
She hates men.

1045
00: 59: 47,709 --> 00: 59: 49,502
Had a man stayed in the room alone,

1046
00: 59: 49,586 --> 00: 59: 52,839
They go to the bathroom and steal his toothbrush.

1047
00: 59: 54,465 --> 00: 59: 55,758
I know

1048
00: 59: 57,010 --> 01: 00: 01,180
I entered the bathroom,
I found that my toothbrush had disappeared.

1049
01: 00: 01,306 --> 01: 00: 05,059
Then I remembered that I was European and did not carry with me
A toothbrush, but if I had one ...

1050
01: 00: 07,353 --> 01: 00: 09,272
What I mean is that it was scary.

1051
01: 00: 11,149 --> 01: 00: 14,235
Damn! I forgot to tell you humor.
Well, here's the joke.

1052
01: 00: 15,528 --> 01: 00: 17,572
The oldest joke in the world.

1053
01: 00: 17,655 --> 01: 00: 19,240
this is really. This

1054
01: 00: 19,866 --> 01: 00: 22,535
Is genuine of course, what is inhibitor? Do you understand me?

1055
01: 00: 22,660 --> 01: 00: 23,703
Everything is real now.

1056
01: 00: 23,786 --> 01: 00: 26,122
"False news!"
"Damn you, they are real."

1057
01: 00: 26,205 --> 01: 00: 28,750
Everything is real, but this really happened.

1058
01: 00: 28,833 --> 01: 00: 29,709
I assure you

1059
01: 00: 31,044 --> 01: 00: 33,087
What happened is that my girlfriend "Kara"
Egyptian Archeologist

1060
01: 00: 33,171 --> 01: 00: 36,424
Called me from "Egypt"
Tell me they found a joke.

1061
01: 00: 36,507 --> 01: 00: 38,259
I said to her, "This is wonderful, tell me."

1062
01: 00: 38,343 --> 01: 00: 41,346
So, she told me the joke
But I do not know the language of ancient Egyptians.

1063
01: 00: 41,429 --> 01: 00: 44,515
As if she said, "owl, owl, man with a dog's head."
I said ...

1064
01: 00: 46,142 --> 01: 00: 47,393
"It's not so funny."

1065
01: 00: 51,064 --> 01: 00: 55,526
I did not know he was there
Many Egyptians are present with us this evening.

1066
01: 00: 57,945 --> 01: 00: 59,238
You do so.

1067
01: 00: 59,530 --> 01: 01: 00,490
Yup

1068
01: 01: 01,574 --> 01: 01: 02,408
Funny joke!

1069
01: 01: 02,867 --> 01: 01: 03,701
Good!

1070
01: 01: 04,911 --> 01: 01: 06,329
Finally, joke us.

1071
01: 01: 06,412 --> 01: 01: 08,164
But two jokes for us. "

1072
01: 01: 12,502 --> 01: 01: 16,422
So, I translated the humor in English,
I said, "This is strange.

1073
01: 01: 16,506 --> 01: 01: 17,882
I know that joke. "

1074
01: 01: 18,383 --> 01: 01: 21,010
The person who told me that joke

1075
01: 01: 21,094 --> 01: 01: 22,512
It was Drew Carey,

1076
01: 01: 22,595 --> 01: 01: 24,097
One of my old friends.

1077
01: 01: 24,180 --> 01: 01: 27,809
"I thought Drew was from Cleveland," I said.

1078
01: 01: 29,310 --> 01: 01: 31,813
I have known him for 20 years.

1079
01: 01: 31,896 --> 01: 01: 34,232
His home and all his life there.

1080
01: 01: 34,524 --> 01: 01: 36,859
So, I called Drew,
I said to him, "Hello man,

1081
01: 01: 36,943 --> 01: 01: 39,737
Do you know that joke that you told me? "
I told him humor.

1082
01: 01: 39,821 --> 01: 01: 42,281
I said, "This is the oldest joke in the world."

1083
01: 01: 42,365 --> 01: 01: 44,867
He turned into a bat and flew away.

1084
01: 01: 50,331 --> 01: 01: 53,710
It's getting even more absurd, right?
No, that's what happened.

1085
01: 01: 53,793 --> 01: 01: 55,962
What happened is that I contacted him,

1086
01: 01: 56,045 --> 01: 01: 58,756
I said, "You know that joke
What did you tell me? "I told him the joke.

1087
01: 01: 58,840 --> 01: 02: 00,091
I said, "This is the oldest joke in the world"

1088
01: 02: 00,174 --> 01: 02: 02,301
"This is strange," I said. "Yes!"

1089
01: 02: 02,385 --> 01: 02: 05,263
He said, "No, strange in this
Is that I did not tell you that joke. "

1090
01: 02: 05,346 --> 01: 02: 06,723
I said, "What?"

1091
01: 02: 06,931 --> 01: 02: 10,017
"No, you're the one who told me that joke," he said.

1092
01: 02: 10,643 --> 01: 02: 12,437
I said, "Shut up, Drew Carrie!"

1093
01: 02: 12,520 --> 01: 02: 14,772
He said, "You shut up (Craig Ferguson)!"

1094
01: 02: 14,897 --> 01: 02: 16,691
I said, "No, I will not shut up!"
He said, "No, I will not shut up!"

1095
01: 02: 16,774 --> 01: 02: 20,862
Then we began to tickle each other,
We began to kiss each other, we accepted each other.

1096
01: 02: 20,987 --> 01: 02: 23,156
It was a very wonderful phone call.

1097
01: 02: 26,784 --> 01: 02: 28,494
Distracting me from our main theme.

1098
01: 02: 28,578 --> 01: 02: 29,996
Here's the joke.

1099
01: 02: 31,247 --> 01: 02: 32,206
This is a joke.

1100
01: 02: 32,290 --> 01: 02: 35,334
The humor that I heard
Did not get in the "Ancient Egypt"

1101
01: 02: 35,418 --> 01: 02: 38,129
But the old Egyptian humor is exactly the same
From all sides.

1102
01: 02: 38,254 --> 01: 02: 40,548
It's about fishermen, but the humor I heard

1103
01: 02: 40,631 --> 01: 02: 44,719
I got into a men's club in the Victorian era.

1104
01: 02: 44,886 --> 01: 02: 47,472
That is quite different from the men's clubs of our time.

1105
01: 02: 47,722 --> 01: 02: 48,806
Men's Clubs now is a ...

1106
01: 02: 48,890 --> 01: 02: 50,224
"Hello! Give me a dollar

1107
01: 02: 50,308 --> 01: 02: 52,560
I will catch you with Chlamydia infection, "but in the past,

1108
01: 02: 55,313 --> 01: 02: 57,690
Sorry, I was only doing a show.

1109
01: 02: 59,066 --> 01: 03: 00,860
You pay an additional amount
To sit in these seats.

1110
01: 03: 02,945 --> 01: 03: 05,156
So, here's the joke. The humor is as follows,

1111
01: 03: 05,239 --> 01: 03: 07,575
It's about fishermen,
An old fisherman and a young fisherman,

1112
01: 03: 07,658 --> 01: 03: 10,203
They were inspecting the showroom
In that club,

1113
01: 03: 10,286 --> 01: 03: 13,331
The great fisherman was boasting.
He began to look at the head of his spoils on the wall,

1114
01: 03: 13,414 --> 01: 03: 14,624
He says, "This is here ...

1115
01: 03: 15,249 --> 01: 03: 18,169
Asda was killed by my weapon in Africa.

1116
01: 03: 18,294 --> 01: 03: 20,713
I was a dentist in the Midwest. "

1117
01: 03: 22,298 --> 01: 03: 24,550
Do you remember that?

1118
01: 03: 24,801 --> 01: 03: 28,346
You remember that this was not the whole world
Angry about him?

1119
01: 03: 29,222 --> 01: 03: 30,765
It was a simpler time, right?

1120
01: 03: 32,600 --> 01: 03: 36,312
"This lion killed him in (Africa).
It's a very scary story.

1121
01: 03: 36,395 --> 01: 03: 38,898
I was walking through the forest, and the lion came to me,

1122
01: 03: 38,981 --> 01: 03: 40,983
Approached me, I felt scared,
He was hurrying toward me

1123
01: 03: 41,108 --> 01: 03: 43,611
With sharp claws and mouth with large teeth
Two scary eyes,

1124
01: 03: 43,778 --> 01: 03: 45,404
I was terrified, and approached me a lot,

1125
01: 03: 45,488 --> 01: 03: 47,865
I took out my weapon and shot him in the eye. "

1126
01: 03: 47,949 --> 01: 03: 50,284
The young fisherman,
"Good, sir, I have done well."

1127
01: 03: 50,409 --> 01: 03: 52,245
He said, "Yes, this ...

1128
01: 03: 52,453 --> 01: 03: 54,705
This is a very similar story. This is a tiger.

1129
01: 03: 54,789 --> 01: 03: 56,457
I was walking through the jungle in India,

1130
01: 03: 56,541 --> 01: 03: 58,709
Nimr Ali jumped up with his planned face and sharp claws
His big mouth,

1131
01: 03: 58,793 --> 01: 04: 00,962
Faster toward me, he would feed me!

1132
01: 04: 01,045 --> 01: 04: 04,006
But I took out my weapon
I shot him in the eye. "

1133
01: 04: 04,298 --> 01: 04: 05,675
"Very good sir," said the young fisherman.

1134
01: 04: 05,758 --> 01: 04: 09,053
He said, "Yes, and here ... the most frightening story,

1135
01: 04: 09,136 --> 01: 04: 11,764
rhinoceros. I was walking through the plains of Serengeti,

1136
01: 04: 11,848 --> 01: 04: 14,183
I heard the sound of strong steps,

1137
01: 04: 14,350 --> 01: 04: 15,726
Strong steps approaching me,

1138
01: 04: 15,810 --> 01: 04: 16,894
I ran around and found a rhinoceros!

1139
01: 04: 16,978 --> 01: 04: 19,480
He comes to me with his big feet
And his sharp horn.

1140
01: 04: 19,564 --> 01: 04: 21,858
It is accelerated in the direction of his feet and horn sharp,
he will kill me

1141
01: 04: 21,941 --> 01: 04: 24,694
I took out my weapon
I could not hold it well and I dropped it and ...

1142
01: 04: 25,611 --> 01: 04: 26,946
I defied myself. "

1143
01: 04: 29,198 --> 01: 04: 31,909
Said the young fisherman, "I used to do that too.
That sounds terrifying, sir. "

1144
01: 04: 31,993 --> 01: 04: 34,871
He said, "No, I did not leave then!
But now I was overwhelmed by myself when I screamed. "

1145
01: 04: 42,003 --> 01: 04: 45,464
In truth,
I did not say it was the best joke in the world.

1146
01: 04: 46,382 --> 01: 04: 49,051
The jokes have evolved tremendously since then.

1147
01: 04: 49,594 --> 01: 04: 52,930
But it is actually the oldest joke in the world, so ...

1148
01: 04: 53,055 --> 01: 04: 54,098
Our offer ends.

1149
01: 04: 55,600 --> 01: 04: 58,102
This seemed like a sigh of relief.

1150
01: 05: 01,564 --> 01: 05: 03,316
You got the joke of the only show ...

1151
01: 05: 05,484 --> 01: 05: 07,570
You will not get more than that.

1152
01: 05: 08,863 --> 01: 05: 11,324
Unless you register in your "Netflix" subscription

1153
01: 05: 11,407 --> 01: 05: 13,117
Which gives you one more joke.

1154
01: 05: 15,286 --> 01: 05: 17,872
Be sure to post them on the site.

1155
01: 05: 18,831 --> 01: 05: 21,334
You were an amazing audience. Thank you very much
See you next time.

1156
01: 05: 21,417 --> 01: 05: 22,752
good night

1157
01: 05: 46,108 --> 01: 05: 48,110


1158
01: 05: 48,134 --> 01: 06: 40,134