1 00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:07,391 (GASPS) 2 00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:13,981 JANE FONDA: You can't help everyone, 3 00:03:15,012 --> 00:03:17,443 but everyone can help someone. 4 00:03:18,265 --> 00:03:20,321 Hey, honey? 5 00:03:20,976 --> 00:03:25,451 - You want to party? - (SNORTS) Doug, it's a weekday. 6 00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:33,946 FONDA: But if you asked him, 7 00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:38,617 Doug Varney would tell you sayings like these were fortune cookie horseshit. 8 00:03:38,618 --> 00:03:40,341 - DOUG: Ethan? - (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 9 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:44,220 Time to get up! Hey, Ethan? 10 00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:47,431 Hey, pal. 11 00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:05,783 Jesus, God. 12 00:04:06,355 --> 00:04:08,202 (SIGHS) 13 00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:29,835 Jesus, God. 14 00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:31,963 I appreciate his ingenuity, 15 00:04:31,964 --> 00:04:35,006 but, you know, maybe we shouldn't keep cookies in the house any more. 16 00:04:35,007 --> 00:04:38,010 It's important for him to know that when he behaves, 17 00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,011 the treats that we promise him are real. 18 00:04:40,012 --> 00:04:45,475 If we take the cookies out of the house, then those promises become empty. 19 00:04:45,476 --> 00:04:47,687 - Okay, but he's not a dog. - Excuse me. 20 00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:49,702 He's a 12-year-old boy. 21 00:04:51,859 --> 00:04:56,863 You know... Did you know that he covered his windows in black paint? 22 00:04:56,864 --> 00:05:01,172 - Did you know that? - Yes. He asked me before he did it. 23 00:05:03,786 --> 00:05:06,746 Do you think that it's okay for him to live in a black box? 24 00:05:06,747 --> 00:05:08,207 I think we need to remain supportive, 25 00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:12,085 even if his, um, interests are different than ours, Doug. 26 00:05:12,086 --> 00:05:16,437 You know, taking so many vitamins all at once cancels out the impact. 27 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,272 Dad disagrees. 28 00:05:18,302 --> 00:05:19,634 He's not a doctor. 29 00:05:19,635 --> 00:05:22,318 (LAUGHS) Neither are you, sweetie. 30 00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:27,310 FONDA: When I'm in between jobs, I like to get away 31 00:05:27,311 --> 00:05:29,562 from the hustle and bustle of Tinseltown, 32 00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:31,647 which is why I've kept a place in Woodbury. 33 00:05:31,648 --> 00:05:35,318 Once you get past the candle makers and fudge shops, 34 00:05:35,319 --> 00:05:37,528 it's truly a beautiful place to live, 35 00:05:37,529 --> 00:05:40,573 the kind of place where things don't change all that much. 36 00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:43,785 Which makes today so special. 37 00:05:43,786 --> 00:05:45,620 Doug had done his time at Bishop's Pharmacy, 38 00:05:45,621 --> 00:05:47,204 working under his father-in-law 39 00:05:47,205 --> 00:05:49,873 and learning the ins and outs of running a small business. 40 00:05:49,874 --> 00:05:52,167 And after years of delay, 41 00:05:52,168 --> 00:05:56,588 Walter Bishop was finally retiring and the pharmacy was changing hands. 42 00:05:56,589 --> 00:05:57,756 Hey! 43 00:05:57,757 --> 00:06:01,065 So long, Bishop's. Hello, Varney's. 44 00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:03,930 Um... 45 00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:06,529 What's... Okay. 46 00:06:07,475 --> 00:06:09,906 - I think there's been a mistake or... - No mistake. 47 00:06:11,062 --> 00:06:12,618 (EXHALES) 48 00:06:13,315 --> 00:06:17,610 I just thought when we agreed to buy the business from you, that, you know, we... 49 00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:18,819 - All right. - ...could change it. 50 00:06:18,820 --> 00:06:21,947 - Let's put this to rest right now. - Okay. 51 00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:24,200 People know Bishop's. 52 00:06:24,201 --> 00:06:27,495 Woodbury has trusted that name for a long, long time. 53 00:06:27,496 --> 00:06:31,123 They know they can count on our service to always be right, 54 00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:35,099 accurate, trustworthy. 55 00:06:35,671 --> 00:06:39,841 What? Change the name to Varney's or something? (LAUGHING) 56 00:06:39,842 --> 00:06:41,564 Varney's? 57 00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:50,350 FONDA: Doug had gotten very good at hiding disappointment over the years, 58 00:06:50,351 --> 00:06:52,728 but that doesn't mean this didn't hurt. 59 00:06:52,729 --> 00:06:53,896 (BELLS JINGLING) 60 00:06:53,897 --> 00:06:57,413 The pharmacy might be officially his, but nothing else was changing. 61 00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:04,128 (SIGHS) 62 00:07:12,457 --> 00:07:14,332 But despite what you might think, 63 00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:17,669 Doug found great comfort in being a pharmacist. 64 00:07:17,670 --> 00:07:21,466 Studiously counting medication, filling prescriptions, 65 00:07:21,467 --> 00:07:24,315 he was good at what he did. 66 00:07:25,011 --> 00:07:27,485 I saw it every time I came in. 67 00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:32,267 But I could also see that Doug Varney wanted something more, 68 00:07:32,268 --> 00:07:34,936 and while he could probably never put it into words, 69 00:07:34,937 --> 00:07:36,856 maybe it had to do with being a man 70 00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:40,609 who provided solutions for everybody but himself. 71 00:07:40,610 --> 00:07:42,792 - (BELL JINGLING) - JANET: Consult! 72 00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:44,821 Consult! He's got... 73 00:07:44,822 --> 00:07:47,463 I heard you the first two times. Thank you, Janet. 74 00:07:48,577 --> 00:07:50,702 FONDA: As the one pharmacist in a small town, 75 00:07:50,703 --> 00:07:54,623 Doug knew a little bit about a lot of people, 76 00:07:54,624 --> 00:07:57,585 but he was always professional, never judged, 77 00:07:57,586 --> 00:08:02,186 and his customers always listened to him, customers like Donald Zucker. 78 00:08:03,759 --> 00:08:06,468 Donald had battled a weight problem his whole life. 79 00:08:06,469 --> 00:08:09,764 Doug gave him Lipitor as well as some dietary advice, 80 00:08:09,765 --> 00:08:13,364 but then Donald had never been a very good listener. 81 00:08:16,771 --> 00:08:20,955 Amoxicillin, Zoloft, Metformin, Setrol. 82 00:08:21,026 --> 00:08:24,112 Doug was there with whatever they needed. 83 00:08:24,113 --> 00:08:26,114 Kaye Tashman was a loving mother, 84 00:08:26,115 --> 00:08:28,908 but because sometimes love just isn't enough, 85 00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:31,716 Doug was there with the Xanax. 86 00:08:32,121 --> 00:08:36,888 And Tegretol for Susan D'francesco, because she was bipolar. 87 00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:41,476 For Brian Malloy, Chantix to help beat his nicotine addiction. 88 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:46,147 However, since side effects included severe constipation, (CHUCKLES) well... 89 00:08:50,305 --> 00:08:52,987 And for poor Kathleen Bergman, Lysodren, 90 00:08:53,141 --> 00:08:56,073 because sometimes cancer comes back. 91 00:08:59,772 --> 00:09:03,609 And for mailman Arnold Morello, Valtrex, 92 00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:07,001 to treat his freshly acquired case of genital herpes, 93 00:09:07,281 --> 00:09:10,338 an affliction he most certainly did not catch from his wife. 94 00:09:10,741 --> 00:09:12,033 It's going to be okay. 95 00:09:12,034 --> 00:09:17,832 It's just... It's all very complicated. I mean, I'd never been to Atlantic City before. 96 00:09:17,833 --> 00:09:19,792 Just be diligent about the medication. 97 00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:22,335 You'll feel better before you know it, okay? 98 00:09:22,336 --> 00:09:24,171 - All right. - Hang in there. 99 00:09:24,172 --> 00:09:26,729 Nice shorts, man. Super shorts. 100 00:09:28,593 --> 00:09:29,844 (BELLS JINGLING) 101 00:09:29,845 --> 00:09:32,888 What the hell is that guy on, huh? 102 00:09:32,889 --> 00:09:34,932 - That's confidential. - No, I know what it is. 103 00:09:34,933 --> 00:09:36,976 - (DOOR CLOSING) - Anti-depressants, I bet, right? 104 00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:39,645 Postal worker, the end of his rope, seconds away from this. 105 00:09:39,646 --> 00:09:42,022 (IMITATES MACHINE GUN FIRING) 106 00:09:42,023 --> 00:09:43,190 Look at all blood! 107 00:09:43,191 --> 00:09:44,399 Okay. 108 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:47,028 But then, look, he saves one for himself. (IMITATES GUNSHOT) 109 00:09:47,029 --> 00:09:48,501 (GIGGLES) 110 00:09:49,572 --> 00:09:52,505 Just do me a favour. Just don't wander off. 111 00:09:52,618 --> 00:09:55,202 I got a new batch of deliveries coming in for you soon. 112 00:09:55,203 --> 00:09:56,369 I'm so happy you brought this up, 113 00:09:56,370 --> 00:09:59,040 'cause I would have totally forgot and that's my fault. 114 00:09:59,041 --> 00:10:01,375 - I know I said I could work till late tonight... - Yeah. 115 00:10:01,376 --> 00:10:05,587 but my man Rio, he scored tickets to Widespread tonight. 116 00:10:05,588 --> 00:10:10,022 Get outta here. I know, it's insane. So I gotta jet out way early. 117 00:10:10,718 --> 00:10:12,178 Okay. 118 00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:13,693 Uh... 119 00:10:13,846 --> 00:10:16,848 But you promise to get all the deliveries done before you go, right? 120 00:10:16,849 --> 00:10:20,199 - Stop it. You have my word. - Okay. 121 00:10:21,771 --> 00:10:27,318 Hi, honey! Yeah, I'm gonna be late. Yeah. Noah. It's fine. 122 00:10:27,319 --> 00:10:31,739 Just grab dinner without me. I'll get dinner somewhere. Yeah. 123 00:10:31,740 --> 00:10:36,382 Something healthy. I'll see you later, okay? Bye. 124 00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:44,140 (INAUDIBLE) 125 00:11:10,111 --> 00:11:14,086 Roberts, Roberts, Roberts, Roberts. 126 00:11:16,618 --> 00:11:18,633 (SIGHS) Junkies. 127 00:11:22,291 --> 00:11:24,597 (MUFFLED POP MUSIC PLAYING) 128 00:11:28,839 --> 00:11:30,686 (WHISPERS) I hate rich people. 129 00:11:32,468 --> 00:11:34,190 Hello! 130 00:11:37,013 --> 00:11:38,361 Yes? 131 00:11:53,322 --> 00:11:54,752 Uh... 132 00:11:54,947 --> 00:11:59,702 You must be... You must be Mrs Roberts? 133 00:11:59,703 --> 00:12:02,802 Would you step inside? It's a little chilly out here. 134 00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:08,836 Okay. 135 00:12:08,837 --> 00:12:10,518 Uh... 136 00:12:17,887 --> 00:12:19,444 Nice place. 137 00:12:23,142 --> 00:12:24,477 (CLEARS THROAT) 138 00:12:24,478 --> 00:12:26,951 Like I said, it's a little chilly. 139 00:12:28,023 --> 00:12:31,316 I'll get you sorted out and I'll be on my way. 140 00:12:31,317 --> 00:12:33,833 You probably think I'm some kind of junkie, huh? 141 00:12:34,530 --> 00:12:38,532 Well, it's not my business to know how people got sick, 142 00:12:38,533 --> 00:12:40,368 just how to get them feeling better. 143 00:12:40,369 --> 00:12:42,245 (LAUGHING) That's catchy. 144 00:12:42,246 --> 00:12:43,801 (LAUGHS) 145 00:12:45,624 --> 00:12:47,916 Yeah, so it looks like 146 00:12:47,917 --> 00:12:51,587 there was some confusion with the insurance company and the... 147 00:12:51,588 --> 00:12:53,936 It's not an issue. How much do I owe you? 148 00:12:54,799 --> 00:13:00,234 $215, plus the $8 delivery fee. 149 00:13:02,223 --> 00:13:05,072 - Mmm. - But I'll waive that. 150 00:13:07,646 --> 00:13:09,243 That is so nice of you. 151 00:13:09,565 --> 00:13:11,857 Are you gonna get in trouble with your boss? 152 00:13:11,858 --> 00:13:14,582 I am my boss. 153 00:13:16,113 --> 00:13:18,363 - I mean, I'm the pharmacist. - (GASPS) 154 00:13:18,364 --> 00:13:19,712 You're Bishop. 155 00:13:20,074 --> 00:13:21,783 Varney. I'm Douglas Varney. 156 00:13:21,784 --> 00:13:24,078 No, everything says, "Bishop." 157 00:13:24,079 --> 00:13:26,385 Well, is that gonna be cash or cheque? 158 00:13:29,001 --> 00:13:30,334 I'll get it. 159 00:13:30,335 --> 00:13:32,642 Do you ever think about calling it "Varney's"? 160 00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:37,396 (CLEARS THROAT) 161 00:13:47,852 --> 00:13:49,242 Hmm. 162 00:13:50,062 --> 00:13:51,702 (DOG GROWLING) 163 00:13:56,819 --> 00:13:58,501 Nice doggie. 164 00:14:00,364 --> 00:14:03,785 I had it done before the wedding. What do you think? 165 00:14:03,786 --> 00:14:04,952 - The portrait? - Yeah. 166 00:14:04,953 --> 00:14:06,592 - It's nice. - Mmm. 167 00:14:06,830 --> 00:14:08,845 Jack insisted on it. 168 00:14:08,956 --> 00:14:11,458 They even made his shoulders bigger. 169 00:14:11,459 --> 00:14:13,015 (LAUGHS) 170 00:14:13,503 --> 00:14:17,270 - I'm sure he's a great guy. - Oh, he certainly thinks so. 171 00:14:20,385 --> 00:14:26,446 So I double checked the bill and it seems to be correct, so'... 172 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:33,494 This is embarrassing, but it turns out I only have about $20 cash on me, 173 00:14:34,106 --> 00:14:39,153 and the only person in this household who has a chequebook is my husband, 174 00:14:39,154 --> 00:14:42,031 and he is still in the city, of course. 175 00:14:42,032 --> 00:14:43,533 Oh. Okay, well... 176 00:14:43,534 --> 00:14:45,535 No! I know what you're thinking. 177 00:14:45,536 --> 00:14:50,331 I live in this fucking house, I have a $70,000 Benz in the driveway 178 00:14:50,332 --> 00:14:54,209 and I don't have enough cash to order a pizza, so how would I not... 179 00:14:54,210 --> 00:14:55,975 I know, that's what you mean. 180 00:14:56,379 --> 00:15:00,271 I was gonna say, "Not a problem." 181 00:15:03,177 --> 00:15:07,097 You can just come by the store and pay the rest when you have it. 182 00:15:07,098 --> 00:15:12,492 But I will have to take the Benz as collateral, of course. 183 00:15:13,855 --> 00:15:15,369 (LAUGHS) 184 00:15:15,399 --> 00:15:18,706 You're just one of those authentically nice guys, aren't you? 185 00:15:20,236 --> 00:15:23,197 Well, yeah. I guess so. 186 00:15:23,198 --> 00:15:26,547 You're just honest and sweet. 187 00:15:29,288 --> 00:15:32,707 Most girls don't always go for honest and sweet. 188 00:15:32,708 --> 00:15:36,808 Girls don't, but women do. 189 00:15:39,422 --> 00:15:40,812 (MOANING) 190 00:15:44,343 --> 00:15:50,348 Okay, I'm just gonna get going and you go... You can come by the store. 191 00:15:50,349 --> 00:15:52,406 And you know where the store is? 192 00:15:52,644 --> 00:15:54,158 Yeah, 'cause it's... 193 00:15:54,480 --> 00:16:00,164 Address on there, so good night and thank you. 194 00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:06,531 Hi. 195 00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:08,325 Sorry I'm so late. 196 00:16:08,326 --> 00:16:11,162 The deliveries were all out of order and I didn't know all the addresses. 197 00:16:11,163 --> 00:16:13,830 - Noah didn't even put them in the ledger. - Ethan's school called today. 198 00:16:13,831 --> 00:16:16,291 Oh, okay. What's the problem? 199 00:16:16,292 --> 00:16:20,129 Principal hyphenated-name, she wouldn't say over the phone. 200 00:16:20,130 --> 00:16:23,508 She says that we need to come in ASAP for a conference. 201 00:16:23,509 --> 00:16:25,050 Ooh! 202 00:16:25,051 --> 00:16:28,303 Yeah, he painted his windows black. Why are you acting so surprised? 203 00:16:28,304 --> 00:16:30,445 Please just go upstairs and talk to him. 204 00:16:33,602 --> 00:16:35,700 (LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 205 00:16:35,978 --> 00:16:37,702 Hey! 206 00:16:39,398 --> 00:16:41,080 Hey. 207 00:16:41,235 --> 00:16:43,624 So how was school today? 208 00:16:47,323 --> 00:16:50,410 So you think you might want to come out with us for a ride this weekend? 209 00:16:50,411 --> 00:16:52,967 - Yeah, I don't think so. - Come on. 210 00:16:52,996 --> 00:16:58,084 Open road, sunshine on your face, the wind in your hair. 211 00:16:58,085 --> 00:16:59,599 It'll be fun. 212 00:17:01,295 --> 00:17:04,173 So you'll think about it? 213 00:17:04,174 --> 00:17:07,884 FONDA: Doug wanted to open the door and talk to Ethan, but what could he say? 214 00:17:07,885 --> 00:17:11,068 (SCOFFS) I mean, I know a thing or two about working out. 215 00:17:12,641 --> 00:17:17,103 And there's absolutely nothing fun about weekend bike rides at all. 216 00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:19,368 Come on, honey! Let's take this hill! 217 00:17:19,522 --> 00:17:21,412 Fucking misery. 218 00:17:22,150 --> 00:17:23,817 Soon after Ethan was born, 219 00:17:23,818 --> 00:17:28,363 Kara discovered road cycling was perfect for shedding baby weight, 220 00:17:28,364 --> 00:17:30,158 and Doug was on board. 221 00:17:30,159 --> 00:17:33,702 He saw cycling as a chance for them to do something as a young family, 222 00:17:33,703 --> 00:17:37,512 and for a moment, it was fun. 223 00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:42,266 For Kara, though, cycling turned from hobby into profession, 224 00:17:42,504 --> 00:17:45,714 inspiring her business at the nearby Glen Rock Shopping Centre. 225 00:17:45,715 --> 00:17:51,721 Come on! Grind it out! Cottage cheese is for breakfast, not thighs! 226 00:17:51,722 --> 00:17:54,904 (WHOOPING) 227 00:17:55,142 --> 00:17:58,783 FONDA: And leading her to victory at the Tour de Woodbury. 228 00:17:59,104 --> 00:18:01,813 - She's won five out of the last six races. - (PEOPLE CHEERING) 229 00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:05,039 It's become the cornerstone of Kara's year. 230 00:18:08,863 --> 00:18:11,379 And the bane of Doug's existence. 231 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,003 - And I said, "Armstrong?" - That's right. 232 00:18:24,004 --> 00:18:26,172 "More like headstrong." 233 00:18:26,173 --> 00:18:27,979 - (ALL LAUGHING) - (PANTING) 234 00:18:31,678 --> 00:18:34,277 Doug, you made it. 235 00:18:38,768 --> 00:18:42,410 There you go, Dougie. You know the drill. Last man pays. 236 00:18:44,399 --> 00:18:46,608 We waited 45 minutes for you, Doug. 237 00:18:46,609 --> 00:18:49,917 I just figured we'd all eat together. 238 00:18:50,447 --> 00:18:52,587 It's gonna be getting dark now, okay? 239 00:18:52,657 --> 00:18:55,284 - I want you to be careful. - Okay. 240 00:18:55,285 --> 00:18:56,993 Okay. 241 00:18:56,994 --> 00:18:59,469 - Thanks, honey. - Yep. See you at home. 242 00:19:05,003 --> 00:19:06,434 WOMAN: Doug? 243 00:19:09,507 --> 00:19:11,591 Oh, hey, Mrs... 244 00:19:11,592 --> 00:19:13,107 Elizabeth. 245 00:19:13,469 --> 00:19:14,942 Right. 246 00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:27,774 ELIZABETH: Did you think about going to medical school? 247 00:19:27,775 --> 00:19:33,822 I did. I was, but then Kara got pregnant, things changed. 248 00:19:33,823 --> 00:19:36,908 We got married and this just seemed like the logical choice, 249 00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:41,497 especially with Kara's father owning the pharmacy and all. 250 00:19:41,498 --> 00:19:42,706 He's Bishop. 251 00:19:42,707 --> 00:19:45,334 He's definitely Bishop. 252 00:19:45,335 --> 00:19:47,669 - He's Bishop. - Whoa. 253 00:19:47,670 --> 00:19:51,674 And what about this? The cycling thing. 254 00:19:51,675 --> 00:19:54,426 You do that for the cool clothes, or what? 255 00:19:54,427 --> 00:20:00,516 Yeah, yeah. No, mostly I do it because my wife expects me to. 256 00:20:00,517 --> 00:20:01,975 Although I don't share her passion, 257 00:20:01,976 --> 00:20:04,187 I do think that a good cardio workout three times... 258 00:20:04,188 --> 00:20:06,327 Doug, can I ask you something? 259 00:20:06,647 --> 00:20:08,371 Go ahead. 260 00:20:08,524 --> 00:20:11,707 Do you do everything your wife tells you to do? 261 00:20:14,323 --> 00:20:16,003 (MOBILE RINGING) 262 00:20:19,787 --> 00:20:21,384 Excuse me. 263 00:20:24,415 --> 00:20:28,850 Yeah? Oh, no, I'm still here. I've been here for fucking two hours. 264 00:20:29,254 --> 00:20:34,355 You are... You are offensive. You are... Oh, I... 265 00:20:34,426 --> 00:20:37,984 Don't, no. No, just don't fucking come then! 266 00:20:41,599 --> 00:20:42,767 (CLEARS THROAT) 267 00:20:42,768 --> 00:20:44,824 Sorry about that. 268 00:20:51,610 --> 00:20:53,610 I really shouldn't be saying anything 269 00:20:53,611 --> 00:20:56,030 because you look like you're gonna be very good for business, 270 00:20:56,031 --> 00:20:58,699 but the pills in those orange bottles 271 00:20:58,700 --> 00:21:02,744 aren't always the solution to people's problems, you know? 272 00:21:02,745 --> 00:21:06,095 When you find that solution, you let me know what it is, all right? 273 00:21:08,209 --> 00:21:10,766 DOUG: I can't tell you how much I appreciate this. 274 00:21:11,587 --> 00:21:13,214 Yes, you can. 275 00:21:13,215 --> 00:21:16,856 - I appreciate it. - See, I knew you could. 276 00:21:18,594 --> 00:21:20,568 - I'm tipsy. - Mmm-hmm. 277 00:21:21,348 --> 00:21:22,904 (SIGHS) 278 00:21:23,558 --> 00:21:25,350 - This has been really fun. - Yeah. 279 00:21:25,351 --> 00:21:28,228 - Hanging out with you and just talking. - Yeah. 280 00:21:28,229 --> 00:21:33,317 Seriously, Doug, I think this is the first real conversation I've had in months. 281 00:21:33,318 --> 00:21:37,654 Well, I am one of those authentically nice guys, right? 282 00:21:37,655 --> 00:21:40,282 And I'm a nice girl. 283 00:21:40,283 --> 00:21:43,660 - Kindred spirits. - Yeah. 284 00:21:43,661 --> 00:21:45,593 - Hmm. - Mmm. 285 00:21:53,045 --> 00:21:58,216 FONDA: And so these two kindred spirits made one last stop before heading home. 286 00:21:58,217 --> 00:22:01,484 - (MOANING) - ELIZABETH: Come on, now. Come on. 287 00:22:01,513 --> 00:22:03,347 FONDA: Adultery? 288 00:22:03,348 --> 00:22:06,349 Oh, please. Save the preaching for church. 289 00:22:06,350 --> 00:22:10,187 You'd change your tune, too, after being balls-deep in a woman like Elizabeth. 290 00:22:10,188 --> 00:22:11,439 (MOANING LOUDLY) 291 00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:13,607 My skull is exploding! 292 00:22:13,608 --> 00:22:15,318 - Coming! - Yes! 293 00:22:15,319 --> 00:22:17,486 - I'm gonna come! I'm gonna come! - Yes! 294 00:22:17,487 --> 00:22:18,613 - I'm gonna come! - Yes! Oh! 295 00:22:18,614 --> 00:22:20,002 I'm gonna... 296 00:22:24,870 --> 00:22:26,369 So, 297 00:22:26,370 --> 00:22:27,704 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 298 00:22:27,705 --> 00:22:30,304 what happens now? 299 00:22:31,292 --> 00:22:35,184 I'm not really sure. This isn't something I normally engage in. 300 00:22:35,963 --> 00:22:37,339 Yeah, right. 301 00:22:37,340 --> 00:22:42,233 I think maybe you go inside to your wife and I go home to my husband. 302 00:22:42,387 --> 00:22:45,069 Of course. Yeah. 303 00:22:45,557 --> 00:22:47,447 See you around. 304 00:22:47,643 --> 00:22:49,685 Okay. Good night. 305 00:22:49,686 --> 00:22:51,325 - Good night. - (ENGINE STARTING) 306 00:22:53,731 --> 00:22:56,581 It has been a good night. 307 00:23:00,906 --> 00:23:02,503 (EXHALES) 308 00:23:11,625 --> 00:23:13,389 (LAUGHING) 309 00:23:13,919 --> 00:23:15,962 - (ELIZABETH MOANING) - (HEART BEATING RAPIDLY) 310 00:23:15,963 --> 00:23:17,420 - (KNOCKING ON DOOR) - Ahh! 311 00:23:17,421 --> 00:23:19,937 - Yeah! What is it? - KARA: Hurry up, Doug! 312 00:23:20,591 --> 00:23:22,273 (WHISPERS) Fuck off. 313 00:23:23,095 --> 00:23:25,067 (BELL RINGING) 314 00:23:25,431 --> 00:23:27,069 PRINCIPAL: Mr and Mrs Varney, 315 00:23:27,182 --> 00:23:30,976 we're all here to try to help work things through the best way possible. 316 00:23:30,977 --> 00:23:34,660 Maybe you can tell us what this is... What this is about, huh? 317 00:23:36,732 --> 00:23:42,446 It was brought to my attention yesterday while he should have been in Life Science, 318 00:23:42,447 --> 00:23:45,950 Ethan was discovered by one of the faculty members 319 00:23:45,951 --> 00:23:49,871 in the boys' locker room, vandalising one of the lockers with... 320 00:23:49,872 --> 00:23:51,219 Excrement. 321 00:23:51,581 --> 00:23:53,499 And this isn't the first time. 322 00:23:53,500 --> 00:23:55,960 - Substantial pieces of... (STAMMERS) - Poop. 323 00:23:55,961 --> 00:23:59,463 had been turning up around the school for the past two months. 324 00:23:59,464 --> 00:24:03,009 There was no way of connecting Ethan to the other leavings, but... 325 00:24:03,010 --> 00:24:04,357 KARA: Excuse me. 326 00:24:04,470 --> 00:24:08,945 Are you trying to suggest that my son is some sort of Una-shitter? 327 00:24:09,725 --> 00:24:12,476 Like I said, there's no way to be 100% sure. 328 00:24:12,477 --> 00:24:14,561 He has never had any problems before. 329 00:24:14,562 --> 00:24:16,981 No, he hasn't and... 330 00:24:16,982 --> 00:24:19,567 That's right, so maybe you need to look elsewhere. 331 00:24:19,568 --> 00:24:20,693 - Mmm-hmm? - Okay. 332 00:24:20,694 --> 00:24:22,445 Like that David Chen kid. 333 00:24:22,446 --> 00:24:26,879 You know, the one who brought the fireworks on the class trip to Six Flags. 334 00:24:26,992 --> 00:24:29,868 It seems likely the kid who's toting explosives on a field trip 335 00:24:29,869 --> 00:24:31,412 would also take a dump in a locker. 336 00:24:31,413 --> 00:24:33,038 - Mrs Varney. - I'm gonna be sick. 337 00:24:33,039 --> 00:24:37,000 This is nothing more than a little boy crying out for attention. 338 00:24:37,001 --> 00:24:38,336 And who are you again? 339 00:24:38,337 --> 00:24:39,504 - Dr Roth. - Okay. 340 00:24:39,505 --> 00:24:40,670 School psychiatrist. 341 00:24:40,671 --> 00:24:44,466 And your degree came from which of our fine online universities? 342 00:24:44,467 --> 00:24:45,676 Honey, they're just... 343 00:24:45,677 --> 00:24:48,178 No, these are serious accusations 344 00:24:48,179 --> 00:24:51,641 being made by complete strangers with very little evidence. 345 00:24:51,642 --> 00:24:55,645 Unless, of course, there's been a major breakthrough in crime forensics 346 00:24:55,646 --> 00:24:59,162 and you've dusted the shit for prints, Dr Roth. 347 00:24:59,316 --> 00:25:00,663 No. 348 00:25:01,192 --> 00:25:04,695 If it's okay with you, I'd like to start seeing Ethan twice a week, 349 00:25:04,696 --> 00:25:08,157 - get a better idea of who he is... - I think that's a good idea. 350 00:25:08,158 --> 00:25:11,618 and what's going on. (STAMMERS) 351 00:25:11,619 --> 00:25:14,080 - Just to head off any... - Honey. 352 00:25:14,081 --> 00:25:16,512 - ...trouble at the pass. - (DOOR SLAMS) 353 00:25:17,543 --> 00:25:19,056 (DOUG SIGHS) 354 00:25:19,336 --> 00:25:21,934 (CHUCKLES) Um... 355 00:25:23,507 --> 00:25:25,423 Do the thing for us. 356 00:25:25,424 --> 00:25:26,843 - No, no, no, no, no. - Go on, go on. It's great. 357 00:25:26,844 --> 00:25:29,720 - It's none of our business. - Yeah, yeah. No, it's great. 358 00:25:29,721 --> 00:25:31,277 BREE: Dr Friedman, 359 00:25:31,389 --> 00:25:36,101 Mitchell, as top cardiologist here at County General, 360 00:25:36,102 --> 00:25:40,440 I'm surprised that you can't diagnose true heartache when you see it. 361 00:25:40,441 --> 00:25:41,565 But I love you 362 00:25:41,566 --> 00:25:45,041 - and I'll do anything it takes to keep you. - (MOUTHING) 363 00:25:45,154 --> 00:25:47,877 - And then we kiss! - (BOTH EXCLAIMING IN DELIGHT) 364 00:25:49,825 --> 00:25:52,201 That was great. Wasn't it, Doug? 365 00:25:52,202 --> 00:25:55,092 - Doug, wasn't that great? - Huh? 366 00:25:55,413 --> 00:25:57,789 Great! That was just great. 367 00:25:57,790 --> 00:26:01,168 So what happens now? Do they call you back? 368 00:26:01,169 --> 00:26:03,379 Only if you get the part. 369 00:26:03,380 --> 00:26:05,019 - Did they call? - Did they call? 370 00:26:05,716 --> 00:26:08,189 No. Not yet. 371 00:26:08,926 --> 00:26:12,221 So everything okay down at the store, Doug? 372 00:26:12,222 --> 00:26:13,806 - Tip-top. - Great! 373 00:26:13,807 --> 00:26:15,780 That means we can talk about Ethan. 374 00:26:18,644 --> 00:26:20,952 You know, he's at a pivotal age. 375 00:26:21,022 --> 00:26:24,566 Things can get all fucked if you don't keep him in check. 376 00:26:24,567 --> 00:26:27,320 "Keep him in check"? What's that even supposed to mean, Walter? 377 00:26:27,321 --> 00:26:30,405 I think what Dad is trying to say 378 00:26:30,406 --> 00:26:33,089 is that we should all keep an eye out for Ethan right now. 379 00:26:34,327 --> 00:26:39,804 Which is why I was gonna suggest that he spend a few nights a week with us. 380 00:26:40,208 --> 00:26:44,837 A change of scenery, along with another stronger male influence. 381 00:26:44,838 --> 00:26:46,046 What? 382 00:26:46,047 --> 00:26:48,007 - Well, it would do the boy some good. - Dad. 383 00:26:48,008 --> 00:26:51,176 What exactly are you suggesting, Walter? 384 00:26:51,177 --> 00:26:54,346 - I'm not suggesting anything, Doug. - KARA: Dad! 385 00:26:54,347 --> 00:26:58,698 Why can't we just eat a meal like a normal family? Right, Bree? 386 00:27:01,354 --> 00:27:02,827 Mmm! 387 00:27:03,523 --> 00:27:05,163 It's good like this. 388 00:27:06,151 --> 00:27:08,333 - You want to try some? - KARA: No, thank you. 389 00:27:13,700 --> 00:27:15,368 FONDA: Doug couldn't do it any more. 390 00:27:15,369 --> 00:27:17,870 He was tired of being pushed around, 391 00:27:17,871 --> 00:27:23,209 tired of being ignored, tired of being told what to do. 392 00:27:23,210 --> 00:27:25,169 Things had to change. 393 00:27:25,170 --> 00:27:27,643 (GRUNTS) God. 394 00:27:29,507 --> 00:27:31,022 (BELLS JINGLE) 395 00:27:31,050 --> 00:27:33,344 Whoa-whoa-whoa, Miss. Hey, we're closed. 396 00:27:33,345 --> 00:27:35,888 No, the thing says you're open. 397 00:27:35,889 --> 00:27:40,351 Does it? Oh, look at... Check it. Now we're closed. 398 00:27:40,352 --> 00:27:42,561 So, I'm gonna have to usher you out over here behind the door... 399 00:27:42,562 --> 00:27:44,063 Wait, Janet! 400 00:27:44,064 --> 00:27:45,647 What? 401 00:27:45,648 --> 00:27:47,705 Wait, wait, wait. Janet, Janet, hold on! 402 00:27:49,194 --> 00:27:50,737 - Hi. - Hello. 403 00:27:50,738 --> 00:27:52,195 You told me to lock up. 404 00:27:52,196 --> 00:27:56,242 I know what I said, but I think we can help out one more customer. 405 00:27:56,243 --> 00:27:59,662 You also said that I could go, so bye. 406 00:27:59,663 --> 00:28:01,497 Hey, nice to see you again. 407 00:28:01,498 --> 00:28:03,915 Yeah, it's nice to see you, too. If you are closing early, that's fine. 408 00:28:03,916 --> 00:28:08,587 No, no, no, no. What can I do for you? 409 00:28:08,588 --> 00:28:10,144 Uh... 410 00:28:11,675 --> 00:28:14,315 DOUG: Is everything okay out there? 411 00:28:14,762 --> 00:28:17,985 Actually, I'm struggling with something, Doug. 412 00:28:18,432 --> 00:28:19,598 (EXHALES) 413 00:28:19,599 --> 00:28:21,017 Me, too. I know. 414 00:28:21,018 --> 00:28:24,187 I'm struggling between the drunken chimney sweep 415 00:28:24,188 --> 00:28:26,452 and this curious unicorn. 416 00:28:27,232 --> 00:28:29,497 It's a big decision. 417 00:28:31,611 --> 00:28:33,571 - A big decision. - Right. 418 00:28:33,572 --> 00:28:37,909 That is a tough one, but if pressed, I would go with the unicorn, 419 00:28:37,910 --> 00:28:40,842 the cornerstone in the mythical forest series. 420 00:28:41,413 --> 00:28:45,471 Well, it's settled then. I knew you could help me. 421 00:28:45,666 --> 00:28:47,835 Swallow something the size of a breadcrumb 422 00:28:47,836 --> 00:28:51,671 and farewell to depression, anxiety, insomnia. 423 00:28:51,672 --> 00:28:53,146 Mmm! 424 00:28:53,174 --> 00:28:54,549 It's incredible. 425 00:28:54,550 --> 00:29:01,696 You'll be swept away into an artificial bliss, made more assertive, docile, erect. 426 00:29:04,477 --> 00:29:06,659 You never get high on your own supply? 427 00:29:07,981 --> 00:29:09,482 That's illegal. 428 00:29:09,483 --> 00:29:10,817 Of course it is. 429 00:29:10,818 --> 00:29:13,026 But it must be hard working in the candy shop all day long 430 00:29:13,027 --> 00:29:18,546 knowing that any of your problems could be solved by one of your little apothecaries. 431 00:29:20,118 --> 00:29:23,579 Well, fortunately, I've never had to take any medication for anything. 432 00:29:23,580 --> 00:29:25,303 Oh, for being crazy like me? 433 00:29:26,332 --> 00:29:27,930 That's... 434 00:29:29,669 --> 00:29:33,380 That's not what I was gonna say, and you're not crazy. 435 00:29:33,381 --> 00:29:36,508 Mmm. My husband would disagree with you on that point. 436 00:29:36,509 --> 00:29:39,594 Come on, I mean, you're beautiful, you're smart and worldly. 437 00:29:39,595 --> 00:29:42,348 I dropped out of college after three semesters, 438 00:29:42,349 --> 00:29:43,933 and I'm worldly if you consider the world 439 00:29:43,934 --> 00:29:46,657 to be an investment banking convention in Saint Lucia. 440 00:29:46,894 --> 00:29:51,482 All I've got going for me, Doug, is a rich husband. 441 00:29:51,483 --> 00:29:55,986 Other than that, it's just a list of things I want to do 442 00:29:55,987 --> 00:29:59,253 and places I want to see a mile long. 443 00:29:59,533 --> 00:30:01,951 Well, you can argue me on smart and worldly, 444 00:30:01,952 --> 00:30:05,412 but I think you're beautiful and lovely, 445 00:30:05,413 --> 00:30:08,346 and there's nothing you can say that'll change my mind. 446 00:30:11,961 --> 00:30:15,131 Are you saying that because you mean it or because you want to sleep with me again? 447 00:30:15,132 --> 00:30:16,716 - (CLATTERING) - Oh! 448 00:30:16,717 --> 00:30:19,217 - That was a mistake. - Complimenting me or dropping... 449 00:30:19,218 --> 00:30:20,594 We both got swept up in the moment. 450 00:30:20,595 --> 00:30:25,683 It was very nice, but I (SIGHS) have a family and you have a husband. 451 00:30:25,684 --> 00:30:28,866 Both would be very upset to lose us. 452 00:30:31,022 --> 00:30:37,083 Fine. Yeah, you're right. It was a mistake. Let's just put it behind us. 453 00:30:38,947 --> 00:30:42,505 - I think it's wise. As friends. - Like adults. 454 00:30:42,658 --> 00:30:44,410 - I'm good as friends. - Oh, good. 455 00:30:44,411 --> 00:30:45,535 (CHUCKLES) 456 00:30:45,536 --> 00:30:46,884 Adult friends. 457 00:30:48,791 --> 00:30:50,972 (BOTH MOANING) 458 00:31:01,928 --> 00:31:03,930 - I'm gonna put it in you. - Yes! 459 00:31:03,931 --> 00:31:05,388 - I'm gonna put it in. - Yeah! 460 00:31:05,389 --> 00:31:07,321 - I'm gonna put it in you. - Okay. Good. 461 00:31:09,895 --> 00:31:11,909 God, I hope you're flexible. 462 00:31:12,396 --> 00:31:14,787 (MOANING CONTINUES) 463 00:31:16,777 --> 00:31:18,708 Get down. Get down. 464 00:31:22,991 --> 00:31:25,158 KARA: Easy does it. Okay. 465 00:31:25,159 --> 00:31:29,927 All right! That's what I'm talking about. Sweat it out with the oldies. 466 00:31:31,415 --> 00:31:33,750 Hey, I need to talk to you. 467 00:31:33,751 --> 00:31:35,377 Can it wait? We're just getting started. 468 00:31:35,378 --> 00:31:38,853 All right, let's get going, you lazy Hausfraus! 469 00:31:38,965 --> 00:31:41,105 You know what? It can't wait. 470 00:31:41,969 --> 00:31:45,303 Dr Roth called. Apparently, you cancelled Ethan's appointment with him today? 471 00:31:45,304 --> 00:31:47,682 Damn straight. That guy's a quack. 472 00:31:47,683 --> 00:31:50,475 Wow. What do you suggest we do? 473 00:31:50,476 --> 00:31:54,494 Oh, sure, another problem I'm supposed to solve? 474 00:31:54,689 --> 00:31:57,400 - What is that supposed to mean? - It means I've tried, all right? 475 00:31:57,401 --> 00:32:02,168 And he's your son, too. All right? So just be his father and do something. 476 00:32:03,157 --> 00:32:06,451 It's called being a man, Doug. Give it a try. 477 00:32:06,452 --> 00:32:09,662 Who knows, you might actually like it. 478 00:32:09,663 --> 00:32:14,555 All right, you guys. You ready to climb? Huh? 479 00:32:15,209 --> 00:32:17,683 All right, turn it up, turn it up. Out of the saddle. 480 00:32:18,379 --> 00:32:21,424 Pick it up, Stan, or get your ass outta here! 481 00:32:21,425 --> 00:32:23,091 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 482 00:32:23,092 --> 00:32:28,402 FONDA: So Doug and Elizabeth made the decision to be more than just adult friends. 483 00:32:30,641 --> 00:32:33,533 Elizabeth taught him about style, 484 00:32:34,146 --> 00:32:37,703 how to kick back and treat yourself now and then. 485 00:32:37,857 --> 00:32:40,373 Warrior I and Warrior II. 486 00:32:42,361 --> 00:32:44,794 (LAUGHS) Oh, and one more thing. 487 00:32:52,623 --> 00:32:54,637 She taught him how to fuck. 488 00:33:01,631 --> 00:33:06,232 Doug revelled in his newfound freedom and he trusted Elizabeth. 489 00:33:07,221 --> 00:33:11,933 So when she told him that a few pills would make things even better, 490 00:33:11,934 --> 00:33:14,018 he went along for the ride. 491 00:33:14,019 --> 00:33:18,605 And you know what? She was right. The pills made him feel good. 492 00:33:18,606 --> 00:33:20,274 Real good. 493 00:33:20,275 --> 00:33:24,737 Which got him thinking. 494 00:33:24,738 --> 00:33:28,616 Anyone can take a pill, 495 00:33:28,617 --> 00:33:31,424 but only a pharmacist knows how to make one. 496 00:33:32,037 --> 00:33:36,596 Percocet is nice, but when spliced with atomoxetine and hydrocodone, 497 00:33:36,791 --> 00:33:39,515 the party could go on for hours. 498 00:33:42,338 --> 00:33:47,023 Fentanyl blended with oxycodone made for a much more interesting day at work. 499 00:33:48,302 --> 00:33:50,943 And even more interesting lunch breaks. 500 00:33:53,392 --> 00:33:59,521 He compiled his own personal grab bag of psychotropic creations for them to enjoy. 501 00:33:59,522 --> 00:34:03,276 He was elated, carefree, alive. 502 00:34:03,277 --> 00:34:04,902 Elizabeth was right. 503 00:34:04,903 --> 00:34:10,825 The solution to his problems had, in fact, been lining his shelves all this time. 504 00:34:10,826 --> 00:34:13,661 Doug had found better living through chemistry. 505 00:34:13,662 --> 00:34:17,165 He was no longer restricted by the direction in which he could move. 506 00:34:17,166 --> 00:34:21,599 He was more than a Bishop. He was a king. 507 00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:25,645 (ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING) 508 00:34:51,033 --> 00:34:53,089 ELIZABETH: What is it? What? What's wrong? 509 00:34:54,285 --> 00:34:55,953 You need a little pick-me-up? 510 00:34:55,954 --> 00:34:59,164 No. (CLEARS THROAT) No, it's not... It's not that. 511 00:34:59,165 --> 00:35:02,125 I think I have some oxy left. We can do that. That was fun. Or, oh, oh! 512 00:35:02,126 --> 00:35:04,504 We can take a sleeping pill and keep each other up and just trip out. 513 00:35:04,505 --> 00:35:06,269 It's my wife. 514 00:35:10,885 --> 00:35:12,010 Does she know? 515 00:35:12,011 --> 00:35:17,029 Not at all and I almost want her to so she can see how happy I am. 516 00:35:17,391 --> 00:35:19,768 Oh, baby, I'm happy, too. 517 00:35:19,769 --> 00:35:22,979 And also, she can see all that sex stuff that we're doing, 518 00:35:22,980 --> 00:35:24,565 like the thing you did on top. 519 00:35:24,566 --> 00:35:27,400 - What was that? - You mean reverse cowgirl? 520 00:35:27,401 --> 00:35:31,738 Yeah, that was amazing! I've never seen that before. 521 00:35:31,739 --> 00:35:34,826 Yeah, you don't watch a lot of porn, do you, Doug? 522 00:35:34,827 --> 00:35:40,622 Kara busted me one time, you know? She put a parental lock on my laptop. 523 00:35:40,623 --> 00:35:44,056 - What the... Jesus fucking Christ, Doug! - I know. 524 00:35:44,128 --> 00:35:48,130 No, I just... I don't understand why a guy like you puts up with shit like that. 525 00:35:48,131 --> 00:35:49,298 You know, you deserve more! 526 00:35:49,299 --> 00:35:52,398 Sure, maybe, but what am I gonna do about it? 527 00:35:53,011 --> 00:35:56,569 - Leave! Both of us, just leave! - Huh? 528 00:35:56,764 --> 00:36:01,769 Wouldn't it be great? We could go to Europe, or Australia or Kathmandu, wherever. 529 00:36:01,770 --> 00:36:04,771 We could just get out of here and see the world. 530 00:36:04,772 --> 00:36:05,898 You know? 531 00:36:05,899 --> 00:36:08,192 Just imagine being able to hit the reset button, you know? 532 00:36:08,193 --> 00:36:12,196 Get a do over and make a life with someone really, really great. 533 00:36:12,197 --> 00:36:13,948 - That's great! - Yes! 534 00:36:13,949 --> 00:36:17,048 - You're great! Yeah! I can't! - Oh... 535 00:36:17,536 --> 00:36:19,786 What? 536 00:36:19,787 --> 00:36:24,876 Kara would bleed me dry in a divorce and you must have signed a prenup, right? 537 00:36:24,877 --> 00:36:26,294 No, I did. 538 00:36:26,295 --> 00:36:30,631 It's just another reminder of what I am. I'm just a trophy wife. 539 00:36:30,632 --> 00:36:34,384 If we don't age gracefully and die holding our husband's hand at the nursing home, 540 00:36:34,385 --> 00:36:35,595 we get replaced. 541 00:36:35,596 --> 00:36:38,806 - What if he just went away and he just... - He goes away, he comes back. 542 00:36:38,807 --> 00:36:41,725 Yeah, but what if he died or something? 543 00:36:41,726 --> 00:36:44,645 - What if he died? - What if he died? 544 00:36:44,646 --> 00:36:46,953 - (LAUGHING) - Just died. 545 00:36:47,316 --> 00:36:49,649 - Went on a trip. - BOTH: Didn't come back! 546 00:36:49,650 --> 00:36:51,235 - He could die! - He could die! 547 00:36:51,236 --> 00:36:52,960 - (LAUGHING) - That would be great! 548 00:36:54,238 --> 00:36:55,406 Get the dogs to eat him. 549 00:36:55,407 --> 00:36:59,160 Oh, no, no, no. If I wanted to kill him, I would just gain 100 pounds. 550 00:36:59,161 --> 00:37:00,967 (BOTH LAUGHING) 551 00:37:01,246 --> 00:37:02,413 He'd have a heart attack. 552 00:37:02,414 --> 00:37:04,307 You know, if you really wanted to kill him... 553 00:37:04,308 --> 00:37:04,748 Yeah? 554 00:37:04,749 --> 00:37:07,140 you'd fuck with his heart arrhythmia. 555 00:37:07,835 --> 00:37:12,103 That would kill him stone cold. 556 00:37:17,971 --> 00:37:19,846 - I was joking. - Yeah. 557 00:37:19,847 --> 00:37:21,389 - No. I know. - That was a joke. 558 00:37:21,390 --> 00:37:26,771 I know. I know, baby. I was joking, too. It's just, you know, his heart is a problem. 559 00:37:26,772 --> 00:37:31,873 You know, it has been for years, and you know, those... 560 00:37:33,028 --> 00:37:35,904 Those pills are the only thing keeping the damn thing ticking, you know? 561 00:37:35,905 --> 00:37:40,200 And they could keep him going another 20 years. 562 00:37:40,201 --> 00:37:43,371 Another 20 years of cocktail parties 563 00:37:43,372 --> 00:37:47,083 and fundraising dinners and golf tournaments. 564 00:37:47,084 --> 00:37:50,670 - I fucking hate golf so much. - Me, too. 565 00:37:50,671 --> 00:37:57,384 You know, it's just that sometimes I like to imagine just me and you 566 00:37:57,385 --> 00:38:00,929 and more money than we know what to do with, you know? 567 00:38:00,930 --> 00:38:03,598 Adds a little excitement to my life. 568 00:38:03,599 --> 00:38:09,647 Like when I think about how I'm falling for you. 569 00:38:09,648 --> 00:38:11,898 I love you, too. 570 00:38:11,899 --> 00:38:14,943 I love you so much, but I should tell you, 571 00:38:14,944 --> 00:38:18,071 there's a large number of mandatory vaccinations 572 00:38:18,072 --> 00:38:20,575 - we should get before we go to Kathmandu... - Baby, baby, baby... 573 00:38:20,576 --> 00:38:21,700 well in advance. 574 00:38:21,701 --> 00:38:25,343 Sometimes you need to know when to just shut up and give it to a girl. 575 00:38:25,622 --> 00:38:29,388 - Now being one of those times. - Fantastic. 576 00:38:35,215 --> 00:38:36,840 - Hey, Varney! - Oh! Right! 577 00:38:36,841 --> 00:38:40,135 Well, these are both fairly aggressive stool softeners. 578 00:38:40,136 --> 00:38:42,443 Either one should do the job. 579 00:38:43,474 --> 00:38:44,987 Thanks a lot. 580 00:38:45,308 --> 00:38:46,823 Thank you. 581 00:38:48,478 --> 00:38:51,980 I'm sorry. Are you Douglas Varney? 582 00:38:51,981 --> 00:38:53,148 Yeah. 583 00:38:53,149 --> 00:38:55,623 And you're the owner of this establishment? 584 00:38:56,319 --> 00:38:57,528 Yes. 585 00:38:57,529 --> 00:38:59,710 Then how come it's called "Bishop's"? 586 00:39:00,199 --> 00:39:01,824 You can pay for that right over there. 587 00:39:01,825 --> 00:39:05,118 Oh, no, no. I'm sorry. Here I am, I'm asking all these questions. 588 00:39:05,119 --> 00:39:08,414 I haven't introduced myself. My name is Special Agent Andrew Carp. 589 00:39:08,415 --> 00:39:10,888 I'm with the Drug Enforcement Agency. 590 00:39:13,295 --> 00:39:14,796 Um... (LAUGHS) 591 00:39:14,797 --> 00:39:17,631 (STAMMERING) Anyway, our records indicate 592 00:39:17,632 --> 00:39:21,511 that this pharmacy recently changed owners and no paperwork was filed, 593 00:39:21,512 --> 00:39:24,819 so it's just protocol. 594 00:39:24,889 --> 00:39:27,071 DEA. 595 00:39:27,351 --> 00:39:29,157 - Yeah. - Wow. 596 00:39:29,685 --> 00:39:31,492 Janet, the DEA is here. 597 00:39:31,562 --> 00:39:34,078 - How exciting. - Hi. 598 00:39:34,357 --> 00:39:37,901 Shouldn't you be wearing a windbreaker, cool sunglasses, smashing down doors... 599 00:39:37,902 --> 00:39:42,003 Well, not necessarily. I'm not chasing Denzel or anything. 600 00:39:42,156 --> 00:39:43,908 I'm just a regular guy, you know? 601 00:39:43,909 --> 00:39:45,742 And what most people don't realise, Mr Varney, 602 00:39:45,743 --> 00:39:47,911 is that the misallocation of prescription medicine 603 00:39:47,912 --> 00:39:52,582 kills 29% more people than the so-called glamour drugs. 29%. 604 00:39:52,583 --> 00:39:56,684 That's like a third. 605 00:39:56,880 --> 00:39:58,296 - Glamour drugs? - Yeah. 606 00:39:58,297 --> 00:39:59,937 You know, coke. 607 00:40:00,424 --> 00:40:02,425 Crack, smack, E, 608 00:40:02,426 --> 00:40:03,775 you know, P-Dog. 609 00:40:05,722 --> 00:40:07,055 P-Dog? What's that? 610 00:40:07,056 --> 00:40:11,144 It's kind of like sherm, but different. 611 00:40:11,145 --> 00:40:13,812 - It's more... - Oh. Gotta look into that. 612 00:40:13,813 --> 00:40:17,817 - Noah, could we Arms and Hammer... - In any event, the change of ownership... 613 00:40:17,818 --> 00:40:19,192 Right, damn it, I'm sorry. 614 00:40:19,193 --> 00:40:21,778 I just took over for my father-in-law not too long ago. 615 00:40:21,779 --> 00:40:22,197 Yeah. 616 00:40:22,198 --> 00:40:23,738 So I'm still trying to get a handle on things. 617 00:40:23,739 --> 00:40:26,743 Right. Nevertheless, I'm still gonna have to take a look at that inventory. 618 00:40:26,744 --> 00:40:27,993 - My inventory? - Yeah. 619 00:40:27,994 --> 00:40:30,955 - Why? I'm fully stocked. - I'm sure you are. 620 00:40:30,956 --> 00:40:33,916 I just have to ensure that the actual dispensation of meds 621 00:40:33,917 --> 00:40:37,044 matches up with the prescription records. 622 00:40:37,045 --> 00:40:40,964 - And make sure I'm on the up and up. - That's right, Mr Varney. 623 00:40:40,965 --> 00:40:44,065 Unless, of course, you're some sort of no good thieving pill-popper. 624 00:40:48,306 --> 00:40:49,682 I'm playing with you. Loosen up. 625 00:40:49,683 --> 00:40:51,239 (BOTH LAUGHING) 626 00:40:51,976 --> 00:40:53,407 No. I'm just kidding. 627 00:40:53,644 --> 00:40:55,938 So, if I could... 628 00:40:55,939 --> 00:40:58,566 Now might not be the best time. It's just that we've been a little busy... 629 00:40:58,567 --> 00:41:02,319 Mr Varney, (CLICKS TONGUE) a little trade secret. 630 00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:06,114 I don't want to be here any more than you want me to be here 631 00:41:06,115 --> 00:41:08,200 and between us, you are hardly 632 00:41:08,201 --> 00:41:13,094 what I would consider to be a high-risk establishment. 633 00:41:13,456 --> 00:41:14,707 (IN CARTOONISH VOICE) You know what I'm saying? 634 00:41:14,708 --> 00:41:16,681 (BOTH LAUGHING) 635 00:41:17,336 --> 00:41:18,795 I'm gonna hop to it, okay? 636 00:41:18,796 --> 00:41:21,269 And I'm gonna be out of your hair in 30 minutes tops. 637 00:41:21,672 --> 00:41:23,479 Thirty minutes. 638 00:41:33,142 --> 00:41:34,615 Hello? 639 00:41:34,853 --> 00:41:36,701 Hey, it's me. It's Doug. 640 00:41:36,813 --> 00:41:39,078 Hey, hi. What's going on? 641 00:41:39,149 --> 00:41:43,945 What's going on is that I've got a fucking DEA agent going through my inventory. 642 00:41:43,946 --> 00:41:46,447 - That's what's going on. - Mmm-hmm. 643 00:41:46,448 --> 00:41:48,907 Do you know what will happen if we get caught? 644 00:41:48,908 --> 00:41:51,466 Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. Calm down. 645 00:41:51,537 --> 00:41:53,204 All right? Take a deep breath. 646 00:41:53,205 --> 00:41:54,927 (INHALES DEEPLY) 647 00:41:56,458 --> 00:41:58,681 - Namaste. Okay? - Okay. 648 00:41:58,793 --> 00:42:01,753 Listen, if you act guilty, he's gonna think something's wrong, 649 00:42:01,754 --> 00:42:04,590 but if you just act cool, then he's gonna think that... 650 00:42:04,591 --> 00:42:06,175 That everything is normal. 651 00:42:06,176 --> 00:42:09,929 Exactly. So just pop a Zannie and take it easy, baby. 652 00:42:09,930 --> 00:42:12,889 Besides, the DEA agent who investigates pharmacies? 653 00:42:12,890 --> 00:42:14,183 Come on, please. 654 00:42:14,184 --> 00:42:17,228 The guy probably accidentally shot his gun and got demoted. 655 00:42:17,229 --> 00:42:18,910 (CLATTERING) 656 00:42:21,775 --> 00:42:23,901 Thanks. You're the best. 657 00:42:23,902 --> 00:42:26,070 Okay, I'm busy. I gotta go. I'm busy. 658 00:42:26,071 --> 00:42:27,543 - Okay. - Okay. 659 00:42:29,365 --> 00:42:30,797 (PILLS RATTLING) 660 00:42:30,992 --> 00:42:32,368 Are we all done here? 661 00:42:32,369 --> 00:42:34,912 I just need to see the stuff with the pseudoephedrine. 662 00:42:34,913 --> 00:42:36,469 Right. 663 00:42:38,875 --> 00:42:40,668 I got a box. 664 00:42:40,669 --> 00:42:42,879 - Take it somewhere. - Yeah. 665 00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:44,310 Right over here. 666 00:43:04,275 --> 00:43:05,706 (EXHALES) 667 00:43:08,405 --> 00:43:10,461 Fuck, Ethan. 668 00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:13,742 (LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 669 00:43:13,743 --> 00:43:15,091 It's loud. 670 00:43:15,953 --> 00:43:17,343 (MUSIC STOPS) 671 00:43:17,538 --> 00:43:19,165 Don't you think? 672 00:43:19,166 --> 00:43:21,959 You're supposed to listen to Mastodon loud. 673 00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:25,685 Of course. Mastodon. 674 00:43:25,755 --> 00:43:29,063 I brought you a snack. So how was school today? 675 00:43:31,762 --> 00:43:33,234 Huh? 676 00:43:33,806 --> 00:43:36,821 I mean, okay, I guess. 677 00:43:37,683 --> 00:43:40,616 Any idea why they might have suspended you, then? 678 00:43:45,107 --> 00:43:46,956 (EXHALES) 679 00:43:48,069 --> 00:43:50,543 What the... 680 00:43:52,658 --> 00:43:54,491 What the fuck are these? 681 00:43:54,492 --> 00:43:58,161 - Golf clubs. - I know that. What are they doing here? 682 00:43:58,162 --> 00:44:01,040 Grandpa bought them for me. Said I needed a new hobby. 683 00:44:01,041 --> 00:44:05,183 I told him I already have a hobby, but he didn't seem to care. 684 00:44:10,926 --> 00:44:14,387 Golf is fucking stupid and elitist. 685 00:44:14,388 --> 00:44:17,153 And so is your fucking grandfather. Fuck! 686 00:44:17,182 --> 00:44:20,156 Fucking fuck! Fuck! Fuck! 687 00:44:20,686 --> 00:44:24,243 (BOTH LAUGHING) 688 00:44:25,648 --> 00:44:27,330 You know what I mean? 689 00:44:27,985 --> 00:44:31,626 Listen to me. Your mother might not agree with me on this one, 690 00:44:32,156 --> 00:44:34,990 but Grandpa doesn't always know what's best. 691 00:44:34,991 --> 00:44:39,244 Learning to play golf or bike riding 692 00:44:39,245 --> 00:44:42,707 or any of that stupid activity horseshit 693 00:44:42,708 --> 00:44:46,335 isn't gonna make you perform better in school. 694 00:44:46,336 --> 00:44:49,713 Dr Roth said something about putting me on, like, a medication. 695 00:44:49,714 --> 00:44:52,730 - Am I sick? - No! No! 696 00:44:53,301 --> 00:44:54,982 You're just 12. 697 00:44:55,137 --> 00:44:57,221 And being 12 sucks for everyone 698 00:44:57,222 --> 00:45:00,056 and everyone goes through some weird shit at your age. 699 00:45:00,057 --> 00:45:02,809 I mean, I used to fuck the couch when I was 12. 700 00:45:02,810 --> 00:45:05,312 - What? - You heard me. 701 00:45:05,313 --> 00:45:07,355 Instead of using my hand to, you know, 702 00:45:07,356 --> 00:45:12,333 I'd stuff a towel in the couch and, well, fuck it. 703 00:45:12,612 --> 00:45:14,293 That is crazy. 704 00:45:15,239 --> 00:45:17,240 It ain't easy at your age, you know? 705 00:45:17,241 --> 00:45:20,911 But then one day you look up 706 00:45:20,912 --> 00:45:25,917 and you're okay again without doctors or drugs or anything else. 707 00:45:25,918 --> 00:45:27,390 If you say so. 708 00:45:27,752 --> 00:45:30,768 - Couch fucker. - You're a couch fucker. 709 00:45:31,757 --> 00:45:33,688 - So what's this hobby you got? - Oh. 710 00:45:39,263 --> 00:45:40,736 Far out. 711 00:45:43,268 --> 00:45:46,436 There are 18 different weapon disciplines to master. 712 00:45:46,437 --> 00:45:49,787 - I've only got 11 so far. - That's awesome. 713 00:45:51,068 --> 00:45:54,292 Really? You're not mad? 714 00:45:54,613 --> 00:45:57,489 Well, I don't know. Should I be? I don't know much about ninjas. 715 00:45:57,490 --> 00:46:00,117 No, no, no, no. I just collect the stuff. 716 00:46:00,118 --> 00:46:04,385 It's not like I'm out there killing squirrels or destroying public property. 717 00:46:06,874 --> 00:46:08,806 Would you like to? 718 00:46:13,131 --> 00:46:15,271 - What do you say? Give me one. - Okay. 719 00:46:19,096 --> 00:46:21,944 - Oh! - Oh, shit! Shit! 720 00:46:42,494 --> 00:46:45,176 I don't know if this is a good idea, Dad. 721 00:46:46,123 --> 00:46:48,429 It's not. It's a great idea. Give me a cookie. 722 00:47:17,946 --> 00:47:19,335 Wait. 723 00:47:47,851 --> 00:47:50,533 ETHAN: It was fun. DOUG: It was, wasn't it? 724 00:47:52,356 --> 00:47:57,317 Hey, I know you don't want to talk, and quite frankly, neither do I, 725 00:47:57,318 --> 00:48:01,002 so just tell me what this shit stuff's all about at school. 726 00:48:01,989 --> 00:48:03,324 (EXHALES) 727 00:48:03,325 --> 00:48:07,911 Well, in ninja code, it's written that it's the highest insult 728 00:48:07,912 --> 00:48:11,929 to smear one's excrement on the home of his adversary. 729 00:48:12,751 --> 00:48:14,252 Gotcha. 730 00:48:14,253 --> 00:48:20,229 Kevin Redmond, Andy Berg, David Chen, they're all dicks. 731 00:48:20,258 --> 00:48:24,066 All they do is make fun of me, so... 732 00:48:26,432 --> 00:48:30,448 So you insult their honour with your poop? 733 00:48:30,477 --> 00:48:31,908 Yeah. 734 00:48:33,564 --> 00:48:37,233 Well, I think you've achieved the desired effect. 735 00:48:37,234 --> 00:48:41,111 So do your old man a favour and give it a rest, okay? 736 00:48:41,112 --> 00:48:42,877 All right. 737 00:48:45,701 --> 00:48:47,507 (SHUSHING) 738 00:48:51,874 --> 00:48:54,514 Be quiet. Your mom's asleep. 739 00:48:56,210 --> 00:48:57,919 - Hey, Dad? - Yeah? 740 00:48:57,920 --> 00:49:02,063 There's this thing next week. Bring Your Dad to School Day or some shit. 741 00:49:02,301 --> 00:49:07,235 And it'll probably be gay, but I think it would be cool if you showed up. 742 00:49:08,764 --> 00:49:10,404 You're on. 743 00:49:10,933 --> 00:49:12,532 Cool. 744 00:49:18,025 --> 00:49:19,372 (POLICE SIREN BEEPS) 745 00:49:26,449 --> 00:49:27,964 (BRAKES SCREECHING) 746 00:49:29,243 --> 00:49:32,510 OFFICER: Everyone, just stand back. Thank you. 747 00:49:33,873 --> 00:49:37,168 What in the fuck happened here? 748 00:49:37,169 --> 00:49:40,128 Mr Bishop. I'm Officer Willits. We spoke on the phone. 749 00:49:40,129 --> 00:49:41,422 - You said, "Incident." - Mmm-hmm. 750 00:49:41,423 --> 00:49:44,509 There has been an incident? This is a goddamn war zone. 751 00:49:44,510 --> 00:49:45,676 Yeah. 752 00:49:45,677 --> 00:49:48,929 Oh, fuck me running. Who could have done all of this? 753 00:49:48,930 --> 00:49:52,989 I'm not sure, Walt, but I think Officer Willits had a promising lead on, what was it? 754 00:49:53,894 --> 00:49:55,324 - Ninjas. - Mmm. 755 00:49:55,645 --> 00:49:57,326 What the fuck is a ninja? 756 00:49:57,855 --> 00:50:02,318 It's an ancient Japanese warrior cloaked in black, often with mystical powers. 757 00:50:02,319 --> 00:50:04,877 - Sounds pretty serious, Walt. - WALTER: Wait a minute. 758 00:50:05,447 --> 00:50:08,116 Why would an ancient Japanese warrior 759 00:50:08,117 --> 00:50:10,951 destroy a fucking pharmacy sign in fucking Woodbury? 760 00:50:10,952 --> 00:50:13,704 Sir, our investigation is ongoing. 761 00:50:13,705 --> 00:50:16,665 As soon as we get some more information, we'll let you know. 762 00:50:16,666 --> 00:50:18,598 Well... 763 00:50:19,378 --> 00:50:22,602 Doug, what are we gonna do about this? 764 00:50:22,755 --> 00:50:26,342 Well, I think it best we leave it in the capable hands of the Woodbury PD. 765 00:50:26,343 --> 00:50:28,858 They seem to have things under control. 766 00:50:29,011 --> 00:50:33,571 Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some business to attend to. 767 00:50:34,143 --> 00:50:36,783 FONDA: Doug did have business to attend to. 768 00:50:36,894 --> 00:50:38,284 Fuck! 769 00:50:38,437 --> 00:50:41,441 There was no time to dwell on his latest victory, 770 00:50:41,442 --> 00:50:44,651 because an even greater challenge lay ahead, 771 00:50:44,652 --> 00:50:48,030 ending Kara's reign at the Tour de Woodbury. 772 00:50:48,031 --> 00:50:50,616 - JANET: Consult! - You do it! 773 00:50:50,617 --> 00:50:53,800 And he knew just how to make that happen. 774 00:50:54,662 --> 00:50:58,082 Using a base of Hypertropin growth hormone for quick recovery, 775 00:50:58,083 --> 00:51:01,418 cutting in magnesium hydroxide to stave off cramping, 776 00:51:01,419 --> 00:51:04,172 highly concentrated doses of Adderall for focus, 777 00:51:04,173 --> 00:51:06,257 oxycodone to numb his legs 778 00:51:06,258 --> 00:51:09,469 and 10 ccs of good old-fashioned methamphetamine 779 00:51:09,470 --> 00:51:11,386 for that extra kick in the end. 780 00:51:11,387 --> 00:51:15,113 It was most definitively a recipe for success. 781 00:51:46,839 --> 00:51:48,229 DOUG: Watch out. 782 00:51:48,592 --> 00:51:50,857 Make a hole, people. 783 00:51:51,345 --> 00:51:53,651 Come on. Make a hole. 784 00:52:00,145 --> 00:52:02,479 Ho-ho! Look who it is. 785 00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:06,359 You sure you want to get tangled up front with the big dogs, Dougie? (BARKS) 786 00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:09,694 Hey, Ed, maybe you should worry more about that clotrimazol cream 787 00:52:09,695 --> 00:52:11,614 clearing up that fungus inside your asshole, 788 00:52:11,615 --> 00:52:14,700 and less about where I start the race, huh, boy? 789 00:52:14,701 --> 00:52:16,202 What are you doing, Doug? 790 00:52:16,203 --> 00:52:19,204 Making a red velvet cake. What does it look like I'm doing? 791 00:52:19,205 --> 00:52:21,748 You don't actually think you can compete in this thing, do you? 792 00:52:21,749 --> 00:52:24,348 I'm not here to compete. I'm here to win. 793 00:52:27,421 --> 00:52:29,020 Sure you are. 794 00:52:30,007 --> 00:52:31,550 Let's do this. 795 00:52:31,551 --> 00:52:33,691 - (STARTING GUN FIRES) - (CROWD CHEERING) 796 00:52:48,610 --> 00:52:52,446 FONDA: The race was on and unfolded the same way it always did, 797 00:52:52,447 --> 00:52:57,924 Kara jumping out to a substantial lead while the pack settled in behind her. 798 00:52:58,412 --> 00:53:00,121 And Doug pulled up the rear. 799 00:53:00,122 --> 00:53:02,720 Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Come on, Dad! Go! 800 00:53:16,180 --> 00:53:20,975 But this year, Doug was just biding his time, laying in the weeds, 801 00:53:20,976 --> 00:53:25,952 and when the time was right, Doug did what Doug did best. 802 00:53:32,111 --> 00:53:34,418 And brought down the thunder. 803 00:53:47,126 --> 00:53:48,724 Not today, Varney! 804 00:53:49,463 --> 00:53:52,090 I told you not to get tangled up with the big dogs! 805 00:53:52,091 --> 00:53:54,105 - (BARKS) - (CROWD GASPS) 806 00:54:04,812 --> 00:54:06,451 DOUG: On your left! 807 00:54:25,873 --> 00:54:27,763 (CROWD CHEERING) 808 00:54:33,089 --> 00:54:35,104 You got lucky, baby. 809 00:54:41,973 --> 00:54:43,932 Whoo! Yeah! 810 00:54:43,933 --> 00:54:45,476 FONDA: Doug Varney was not used to winning. 811 00:54:45,477 --> 00:54:46,601 Yes! 812 00:54:46,602 --> 00:54:49,368 But he was beginning to enjoy how it felt. 813 00:54:50,566 --> 00:54:52,538 (PANTING) 814 00:54:55,279 --> 00:54:56,918 (GRUNTING) 815 00:55:04,495 --> 00:55:06,385 - Hi. - Hey. 816 00:55:08,499 --> 00:55:10,501 - You all finished in there? - Yeah. 817 00:55:10,502 --> 00:55:14,337 - Yeah? Did you get it all done? - Yep. 818 00:55:14,338 --> 00:55:16,062 - Clean it up? - Mmm-hmm. 819 00:55:22,848 --> 00:55:25,780 You like? You see something you like? 820 00:55:27,186 --> 00:55:29,951 No? Whatever. 821 00:55:30,314 --> 00:55:31,828 Here, Doug. 822 00:55:33,983 --> 00:55:36,527 - I was impressed with you today. - Yeah? 823 00:55:36,528 --> 00:55:41,295 I didn't... I didn't know you had it in you. 824 00:55:41,491 --> 00:55:43,714 You'd be surprised what I'm capable of. 825 00:55:44,870 --> 00:55:46,801 Oh! God! 826 00:55:49,207 --> 00:55:52,181 Mr Tough Guy, huh? Now that he wins a race. 827 00:55:54,129 --> 00:55:55,685 What are you doing? 828 00:55:56,631 --> 00:56:01,718 Sometimes you gotta know when to shut up and just give it to a girl. 829 00:56:01,719 --> 00:56:03,151 It's called being a man. 830 00:56:03,221 --> 00:56:05,194 Oh! Doug! 831 00:56:05,264 --> 00:56:07,655 Oh, shit! Oh! 832 00:56:07,892 --> 00:56:10,450 Oh! Oh! Oh! 833 00:56:10,520 --> 00:56:13,244 Harder! (MOANING) 834 00:56:14,232 --> 00:56:17,693 Oh, my! Oh! Oh, my God! 835 00:56:17,694 --> 00:56:19,959 (MOANING LOUDLY) 836 00:56:20,697 --> 00:56:23,337 I'm gonna come. I'm gonna come. I'm gonna come. 837 00:56:23,367 --> 00:56:25,590 Ohh! 838 00:56:38,756 --> 00:56:40,521 (PANTING) 839 00:56:40,716 --> 00:56:42,425 That was incredible. 840 00:56:42,426 --> 00:56:45,568 I know. I'm gonna go make pizza bagels. 841 00:56:46,181 --> 00:56:47,653 (SIGHS) 842 00:56:49,183 --> 00:56:52,074 FONDA: Victory tasted sweet. 843 00:56:55,691 --> 00:56:57,859 - (GROANS) - The hangover 844 00:56:57,860 --> 00:57:00,945 from his recent drug binge did not. 845 00:57:00,946 --> 00:57:02,530 (BELLS JINGLING) 846 00:57:02,531 --> 00:57:04,837 AGENT CARP: That is some trophy. Mmm! 847 00:57:05,576 --> 00:57:07,715 She is a beaut. 848 00:57:08,287 --> 00:57:10,872 I won one like that once at a high school track meet. 849 00:57:10,873 --> 00:57:11,997 What was the event? 850 00:57:11,998 --> 00:57:14,055 Oh, yeah. Steeplechase. 851 00:57:14,501 --> 00:57:15,960 Difficult event. 852 00:57:15,961 --> 00:57:19,421 Heck yeah. Yeah, it is. (LAUGHS) Oh, yeah. But you know what? 853 00:57:19,422 --> 00:57:22,591 There's something about people chasing you that brings out your best, 854 00:57:22,592 --> 00:57:24,065 you know what I'm saying? 855 00:57:24,470 --> 00:57:26,109 (CHUCKLES) 856 00:57:26,304 --> 00:57:31,433 Anyway, it's the darndest thing, Mr Varney. I was checking the data from the inventory 857 00:57:31,434 --> 00:57:35,520 against our prescription database again today and it just didn't add up. 858 00:57:35,521 --> 00:57:36,773 Hmm. 859 00:57:36,774 --> 00:57:38,496 Not at all. 860 00:57:39,650 --> 00:57:41,611 Shit, that's... That's odd. 861 00:57:41,612 --> 00:57:44,418 Isn't it, though? That's what I thought. 862 00:57:46,991 --> 00:57:49,869 I didn't realise you were a compounding pharmacy, Mr Varney. 863 00:57:49,870 --> 00:57:56,264 Oh, this? We're not really... I had this one customer, an older gentleman. 864 00:57:56,794 --> 00:57:59,767 (SOFTLY) He's all fucked up. Parkinson's. 865 00:58:00,004 --> 00:58:01,129 He has trouble swallowing 866 00:58:01,130 --> 00:58:03,715 so I have to make up a paste for transdermal application. 867 00:58:03,716 --> 00:58:05,300 And what customer would this be? 868 00:58:05,301 --> 00:58:07,255 You know I can't tell you that, Agent Carp. 869 00:58:07,256 --> 00:58:07,886 I'm sorry. 870 00:58:07,887 --> 00:58:10,111 I didn't notice that when I was here before. 871 00:58:10,766 --> 00:58:13,267 Anyway, I'm sure this is all just a glitch 872 00:58:13,268 --> 00:58:18,271 but if I could just see your prescription ledgers for the past, say, 12 months, 873 00:58:18,272 --> 00:58:20,816 and then I'll get out of here just as quick as I can. 874 00:58:20,817 --> 00:58:24,027 Sure thing. The only problem is I have them at my home office. 875 00:58:24,028 --> 00:58:26,071 - Your home office? - Yeah, so why don't you come in Monday 876 00:58:26,072 --> 00:58:28,449 - and we can talk about it then? - Mr Varney, you're aware 877 00:58:28,450 --> 00:58:31,952 that the federal code 101 B12 of the Narcotics Distribution Act 878 00:58:31,953 --> 00:58:35,706 states that all ledgers be kept at the licensed facility? 879 00:58:35,707 --> 00:58:39,265 And 99.9% of the time they are. It's just that... 880 00:58:39,293 --> 00:58:43,506 It's just that after your last visit, I was so concerned with getting things right 881 00:58:43,507 --> 00:58:47,092 that I took my ledgers home to double check against my own records, 882 00:58:47,093 --> 00:58:51,263 which I keep on my personal computer at home. 883 00:58:51,264 --> 00:58:52,515 Right. 884 00:58:52,516 --> 00:58:54,489 So... 885 00:58:57,646 --> 00:59:01,441 I mean, look, I spilled a bottle of amoxicillin the other day. 886 00:59:01,442 --> 00:59:04,109 I got most of them, but I might have missed a few, 887 00:59:04,110 --> 00:59:06,278 may have even stepped on one. 888 00:59:06,279 --> 00:59:10,713 I didn't say anything because, well, like you said, everyone does that now and then. 889 00:59:10,784 --> 00:59:12,632 Everyone but Walter Bishop. 890 00:59:22,838 --> 00:59:24,963 Okay. I'll tell you what. 891 00:59:24,964 --> 00:59:28,981 If you want to hang out for a bit, I can run home and get them right now. 892 00:59:35,350 --> 00:59:38,311 That won't be necessary, Doug. I'll be back this way in a couple days. 893 00:59:38,312 --> 00:59:41,327 How about you just have them here for me then? 894 00:59:41,856 --> 00:59:43,065 You got it. 895 00:59:43,066 --> 00:59:47,944 And, hey, thanks again, Agent Carp, for letting me off the hook. 896 00:59:47,945 --> 00:59:51,198 Well, this investigation's still pending, Doug. 897 00:59:51,199 --> 00:59:54,841 I haven't let anyone off the hook yet. 898 00:59:59,373 --> 01:00:00,847 (DOOR CLOSING) 899 01:00:04,421 --> 01:00:05,852 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 900 01:00:07,049 --> 01:00:09,355 Okay, I'm in. 901 01:00:09,635 --> 01:00:11,607 What do you mean "in"? 902 01:00:11,886 --> 01:00:13,053 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 903 01:00:13,054 --> 01:00:15,597 Hold on. Hold on. You're in for what? 904 01:00:15,598 --> 01:00:18,225 - For the plan, you know? - What plan? 905 01:00:18,226 --> 01:00:23,438 Jack, you know, let's do it. Let's start over. Let's do it, baby. 906 01:00:23,439 --> 01:00:26,149 Doug, wait a minute. That was a joke. 907 01:00:26,150 --> 01:00:28,986 - Come on, we were joking. - I know! I know we were, 908 01:00:28,987 --> 01:00:33,240 but, I mean, I've been thinking, you know, a lot. I've been thinking a lot. 909 01:00:33,241 --> 01:00:34,659 What is this, chardonnay? 910 01:00:34,660 --> 01:00:39,037 About everything and, I mean, my wife fucking hates me. 911 01:00:39,038 --> 01:00:41,374 This Carp guy's all over me. 912 01:00:41,375 --> 01:00:42,500 Here. 913 01:00:42,501 --> 01:00:43,667 - A sedative? - Here you go. 914 01:00:43,668 --> 01:00:45,016 Thanks. 915 01:00:46,504 --> 01:00:50,842 And I guess what I'm saying is that, you know, you're right! 916 01:00:50,843 --> 01:00:52,050 You're always right. 917 01:00:52,051 --> 01:00:57,764 I'm the pharmacist, and he's the guy with the bad heart. 918 01:00:57,765 --> 01:00:59,614 You know what I mean? 919 01:01:03,897 --> 01:01:07,872 Okay. Let's do it. Tomorrow. 920 01:01:09,235 --> 01:01:10,708 Wow. 921 01:01:12,322 --> 01:01:13,878 (EXHALES) 922 01:01:14,241 --> 01:01:17,159 Okay, wow. That's soon. That soon? 923 01:01:17,160 --> 01:01:19,620 Well, I don't want to waste any more time being unhappy. 924 01:01:19,621 --> 01:01:21,719 - Do you? - Okay. 925 01:01:22,499 --> 01:01:23,957 ELIZABETH: I usually head out to our beach house 926 01:01:23,958 --> 01:01:25,877 Friday morning to beat the weekend rush, 927 01:01:25,878 --> 01:01:28,254 so it won't be a surprise that I'm gone. 928 01:01:28,255 --> 01:01:31,090 As you know, Jack takes a lot of medication for his heart. 929 01:01:31,091 --> 01:01:33,258 ACE inhibitors, beta blockers, ARBs. 930 01:01:33,259 --> 01:01:36,887 DOUG: Yes, that's a powerful mix. I usually recommend valsartan, but that's... 931 01:01:36,888 --> 01:01:38,513 ELIZABETH: Not really important right now, is it? 932 01:01:38,514 --> 01:01:40,682 What's important is the dosage. 933 01:01:40,683 --> 01:01:44,895 Because of the various drugs, Jack gets a 300-milligram dose of eprosartan, 934 01:01:44,896 --> 01:01:47,981 but if he were to get, say, 400 milligrams, 935 01:01:47,982 --> 01:01:52,361 that slight bump in combination with his usual after dinner trough of scotch, 936 01:01:52,362 --> 01:01:55,073 well, then when they call me at the beach the next day, 937 01:01:55,074 --> 01:01:59,202 it's, "Oh, my God, Officer. I'll be there as soon as I can!" 938 01:01:59,203 --> 01:02:02,621 I'm his sole beneficiary, so I sign some papers, collect it all, 939 01:02:02,622 --> 01:02:05,582 and tell them to wire the funds wherever we end up. 940 01:02:05,583 --> 01:02:09,504 - Oh, so that's it, huh? Just like that? - Just like that. 941 01:02:09,505 --> 01:02:11,797 You get to tell that cunt on wheels where to stick it 942 01:02:11,798 --> 01:02:13,965 and we can spend the rest of our lives buying whatever looks good 943 01:02:13,966 --> 01:02:15,634 and giving each other mind-blowing orgasms. 944 01:02:15,635 --> 01:02:17,594 - Oh, my God, this is exciting! - (LAUGHING) 945 01:02:17,595 --> 01:02:18,720 - This is great! - It's great! 946 01:02:18,721 --> 01:02:22,196 Wait! Wait! There's just something really, really important. 947 01:02:22,350 --> 01:02:25,393 - You can't call me. - What? 948 01:02:25,394 --> 01:02:28,272 No contact whatsoever. Nothing that could leave a trace, okay? 949 01:02:28,273 --> 01:02:30,232 Well, how long? That's how long? 950 01:02:30,233 --> 01:02:33,541 At least until it all blows over, maybe a little longer. 951 01:02:33,820 --> 01:02:36,627 Baby, here. 952 01:02:37,241 --> 01:02:41,424 You relax, and let me give you a little something to remember me by. 953 01:02:41,870 --> 01:02:44,844 You don't have to do that. Okay. 954 01:02:47,834 --> 01:02:49,515 Fax orders came in. 955 01:02:51,797 --> 01:02:54,298 FONDA: Doug filled Jack's order like he always did, 956 01:02:54,299 --> 01:02:57,690 but with one slight and deadly change. 957 01:03:07,687 --> 01:03:10,036 Noah. Noah. 958 01:03:13,152 --> 01:03:19,462 I'm sorry! Here. Here! Is it an "M" or a "W"? I don't know. 959 01:03:19,615 --> 01:03:21,547 Hey, hey. 960 01:03:22,201 --> 01:03:23,326 Hey. 961 01:03:23,327 --> 01:03:25,954 Jesus Christ. What the fuck are you on? 962 01:03:25,955 --> 01:03:28,666 Are we being bros? Are we being straight bros? 963 01:03:28,667 --> 01:03:30,835 If we're being bros, last night, I went out real hard. 964 01:03:30,836 --> 01:03:34,310 I got on a Segway and I just went to every place that served alcohol. 965 01:03:39,178 --> 01:03:42,860 - Are you okay to drive at least? - I drove here, didn't I? 966 01:03:43,681 --> 01:03:48,351 It's imperative that all these deliveries make it out today. 967 01:03:48,352 --> 01:03:49,742 All of them. 968 01:03:49,937 --> 01:03:53,900 People have been complaining about you, Noah, 969 01:03:53,901 --> 01:03:58,278 and we need to show our customers that we can still be counted on, 970 01:03:58,279 --> 01:04:03,743 like that big clock in the square, to always be right, accurate. 971 01:04:03,744 --> 01:04:05,703 - Mmm-hmm. - Trustworthy. 972 01:04:05,704 --> 01:04:08,886 That clock? That clock is broken, Doug. 973 01:04:09,374 --> 01:04:11,764 Just make the deliveries, okay, Noah? 974 01:04:11,918 --> 01:04:13,307 You can count on me. 975 01:04:14,046 --> 01:04:17,964 No, I can't, which is why we're having this conversation. 976 01:04:17,965 --> 01:04:22,358 Okay! I'm going! Jesus Christ! What the fuck is wrong with you? 977 01:04:28,811 --> 01:04:30,992 DOUG: Can you smoke in here? 978 01:04:31,396 --> 01:04:34,120 - No! - Sorry. 979 01:04:36,068 --> 01:04:41,002 Can I get some more water? I like to hydrate when I'm getting trashed. 980 01:04:41,989 --> 01:04:44,046 - Hi! - DOUG: Hey! 981 01:04:44,075 --> 01:04:46,340 It's mailman Morello! 982 01:04:46,370 --> 01:04:49,343 Hey, Arnie! You ever get back to Atlantic City? 983 01:04:50,040 --> 01:04:53,167 Yes? No? I speak-a the English? 984 01:04:53,168 --> 01:04:54,682 - Let's go. - Where you going? 985 01:04:56,880 --> 01:05:01,258 They didn't realise I'm the man behind the curtain, the wizard. 986 01:05:01,259 --> 01:05:02,635 I pull the strings. 987 01:05:02,636 --> 01:05:04,804 MAN: Hey, Lloyd. Is anybody sitting here? 988 01:05:04,805 --> 01:05:06,012 Be my guest. 989 01:05:06,013 --> 01:05:08,515 - Hey, Lloyd, I called in for a to-go order. - LLOYD: Mmm-hmm. 990 01:05:08,516 --> 01:05:11,477 Let me have a Black Label, neat, too. Thanks. 991 01:05:11,478 --> 01:05:12,727 Okay. How about you? 992 01:05:12,728 --> 01:05:15,814 Another vodka martini, my good man, on the rocks. 993 01:05:15,815 --> 01:05:17,233 - Good. - Extra olives. 994 01:05:17,234 --> 01:05:19,193 - I know. - He knows. 995 01:05:19,194 --> 01:05:20,945 That's the exact same drink my wife orders. 996 01:05:20,946 --> 01:05:22,112 It is? 997 01:05:22,113 --> 01:05:26,380 Yeah, I mean, then again, martinis are pretty popular, huh? I guess. 998 01:05:28,494 --> 01:05:30,329 Do I know you? 999 01:05:30,330 --> 01:05:33,582 Jack Roberts. I just moved in a few months back. 1000 01:05:33,583 --> 01:05:36,461 I live over on Donneybrook. 1001 01:05:36,462 --> 01:05:39,547 - I'm Doug Varney. Yeah. Good to meet you. - (LAUGHS) Yeah. 1002 01:05:39,548 --> 01:05:42,341 - That big place on the cul-de-sac, right? - Yeah. 1003 01:05:42,342 --> 01:05:46,609 Well, it's too big if you ask me, but that's what my wife wanted. 1004 01:05:48,515 --> 01:05:49,974 You live in town? 1005 01:05:49,975 --> 01:05:54,436 Just over 10 years now. I own the pharmacy in the square, actually. 1006 01:05:54,437 --> 01:05:57,537 Really? Well, then you definitely know my wife. 1007 01:05:58,442 --> 01:06:00,081 Why would you say that? 1008 01:06:00,110 --> 01:06:03,529 She eats enough pills, she can keep Pfizer in business by herself. 1009 01:06:03,530 --> 01:06:07,491 - I'm sure you know her. - Well, we get a lot of customers. 1010 01:06:07,492 --> 01:06:09,201 I can't even think of somebody... 1011 01:06:09,202 --> 01:06:10,883 - Thanks, Lloyd. - Sure. 1012 01:06:11,204 --> 01:06:13,177 - Cheers. - Cheers. 1013 01:06:14,832 --> 01:06:17,417 Are you married? Why? Are you trying to pick me up? 1014 01:06:17,418 --> 01:06:18,933 (BOTH LAUGHING) 1015 01:06:20,630 --> 01:06:25,342 - Well, marriage is hard goddamn work. - Yeah, 1016 01:06:25,343 --> 01:06:28,804 they don't tell you that when you're registering at Crate and Barrel, huh? 1017 01:06:28,805 --> 01:06:30,139 No, they do not. 1018 01:06:30,140 --> 01:06:34,407 I've been married three times. I still have no clue what I'm doing. 1019 01:06:36,145 --> 01:06:39,231 I've always been the type of guy that keeps a steady stream of gifts rolling in 1020 01:06:39,232 --> 01:06:41,109 just to avoid conflict. 1021 01:06:41,110 --> 01:06:44,237 You know? I make a nice living. I'm lucky, 1022 01:06:44,238 --> 01:06:46,696 so why not spread it around? 1023 01:06:46,697 --> 01:06:50,118 Women are tough, but there's nothing like seeing their face. 1024 01:06:50,119 --> 01:06:53,579 It just lights up when you bring home some flowers or something sparkling. 1025 01:06:53,580 --> 01:06:57,013 I like that. It makes me feel good. You know? 1026 01:06:59,085 --> 01:07:01,392 Wifey's away, so I'm cooking tonight. 1027 01:07:01,838 --> 01:07:03,895 I know what that's like. 1028 01:07:03,965 --> 01:07:05,800 Lloyd, let me take care of his drinks, too, okay? 1029 01:07:05,801 --> 01:07:07,718 You shouldn't do that. That's very nice of you. 1030 01:07:07,719 --> 01:07:10,263 It's the least I could do for a new neighbour. 1031 01:07:10,264 --> 01:07:13,265 Besides, I heard what those vandals did to your pharmacy. 1032 01:07:13,266 --> 01:07:17,116 That's disgusting. Horrible. I'm sorry about that. 1033 01:07:19,314 --> 01:07:20,745 All right. 1034 01:07:23,651 --> 01:07:25,445 - Have a good night. Bye, Lloyd! - Bye-bye! 1035 01:07:25,446 --> 01:07:27,502 - Bye, Eve. - Thank you. 1036 01:07:27,822 --> 01:07:29,295 My pleasure. 1037 01:07:31,618 --> 01:07:33,466 (EXHALES) 1038 01:07:39,668 --> 01:07:41,140 Hey, barkeep. 1039 01:07:41,335 --> 01:07:44,672 I think you've had enough, pal. I just want a pen and some paper. 1040 01:07:44,673 --> 01:07:45,882 No more drinking. 1041 01:07:45,883 --> 01:07:48,481 Just give me a pen and some paper. Thank you. 1042 01:07:54,515 --> 01:07:59,659 Dear Kara, I think we both know that it's time for things to change. 1043 01:08:00,397 --> 01:08:04,525 I know I'm not the man your father thought you deserved. 1044 01:08:04,526 --> 01:08:08,209 You know what? I don't... Your father's a fuckin' asshole. 1045 01:08:09,865 --> 01:08:14,117 This will be hard on Ethan, and that breaks my heart, 1046 01:08:14,118 --> 01:08:15,285 but in the long run, 1047 01:08:15,286 --> 01:08:17,829 it's better to be raised by two happy parents apart 1048 01:08:17,830 --> 01:08:20,596 than miserable ones together, 1049 01:08:21,752 --> 01:08:26,519 but if he starts in with that shitting stuff again at school, you let me know. 1050 01:08:27,673 --> 01:08:32,178 There's a whole world out there, Kara, and it's time for me to experience it. 1051 01:08:32,179 --> 01:08:33,846 You should check it out yourself 1052 01:08:33,847 --> 01:08:37,113 and not just from the seat of a bicycle. 1053 01:08:37,518 --> 01:08:38,976 We've both made mistakes. 1054 01:08:38,977 --> 01:08:40,686 That all ends tonight. 1055 01:08:40,687 --> 01:08:44,190 I wish I could have been a stronger man for you. I really do. 1056 01:08:44,191 --> 01:08:46,776 But, damn, do I wish you had been a better woman. 1057 01:08:46,777 --> 01:08:48,332 Take care of yourself. 1058 01:08:49,321 --> 01:08:50,668 Doug. 1059 01:09:27,568 --> 01:09:29,123 (GASPING) 1060 01:09:30,987 --> 01:09:32,877 (COUGHING) 1061 01:09:33,866 --> 01:09:35,880 (CHATTER ON TV) 1062 01:09:39,162 --> 01:09:41,719 What the hell am I doing? What am I doing? 1063 01:09:46,502 --> 01:09:47,920 Hey, where are you going? 1064 01:09:47,921 --> 01:09:51,340 Hey. I gotta head to work. Early bird and all that. 1065 01:09:51,341 --> 01:09:52,467 Wait, Dad. 1066 01:09:52,468 --> 01:09:53,968 - Dad! - Yeah? 1067 01:09:53,969 --> 01:09:55,983 You're coming into school today, right? 1068 01:09:57,430 --> 01:09:58,861 Of course. 1069 01:09:58,973 --> 01:10:02,767 Right. I wouldn't miss it for the world, buddy. I'll be... 1070 01:10:02,768 --> 01:10:04,742 - I'll be there. - Bye. 1071 01:10:05,229 --> 01:10:06,661 (DOOR CLOSES) 1072 01:10:17,742 --> 01:10:19,132 Hello! 1073 01:10:25,793 --> 01:10:28,099 Hello? Hello? 1074 01:10:33,133 --> 01:10:34,480 Jack! 1075 01:10:35,385 --> 01:10:36,928 Jack! 1076 01:10:36,929 --> 01:10:39,262 Mr Roberts! 1077 01:10:39,263 --> 01:10:41,112 Jack! 1078 01:10:42,266 --> 01:10:45,366 Fuck. I fucking killed him. 1079 01:10:46,730 --> 01:10:49,245 Help! Help! Somebody! 1080 01:10:49,441 --> 01:10:52,275 Hello! Anybody there? 1081 01:10:52,276 --> 01:10:53,833 (DOG BARKING) 1082 01:10:56,489 --> 01:10:57,837 Take it easy. 1083 01:11:07,626 --> 01:11:10,516 Ahh! Nice doggie! Nice doggie! 1084 01:11:10,796 --> 01:11:12,463 Hey, it's me. 1085 01:11:12,464 --> 01:11:14,882 God damn it, pick up the phone! Please! 1086 01:11:14,883 --> 01:11:16,801 Elizabeth! Where are you? I think I killed him! 1087 01:11:16,802 --> 01:11:18,301 I think I fucking killed him! 1088 01:11:18,302 --> 01:11:19,887 God damn it! Fuck! 1089 01:11:19,888 --> 01:11:21,235 Fuck! 1090 01:11:21,430 --> 01:11:23,029 (TYRES SCREECHING) 1091 01:11:28,564 --> 01:11:30,411 (PANTING) 1092 01:11:35,987 --> 01:11:37,335 God damn it. 1093 01:11:37,823 --> 01:11:39,962 Come on! Come on! 1094 01:11:42,119 --> 01:11:43,591 God damn it! 1095 01:11:43,746 --> 01:11:45,843 God damn it. 1096 01:11:50,043 --> 01:11:51,808 Let's go! 1097 01:12:16,153 --> 01:12:17,361 Oh, shit! 1098 01:12:17,362 --> 01:12:19,293 Aw, fuck! 1099 01:12:20,324 --> 01:12:22,338 (PANTING) 1100 01:12:33,837 --> 01:12:36,297 TEACHER: Okay, next up is Mr Varney. 1101 01:12:36,298 --> 01:12:39,021 Mr Varney? Mr Varney? 1102 01:12:39,134 --> 01:12:40,523 (PANTING) 1103 01:12:42,011 --> 01:12:43,484 (STUDENTS LAUGHING) 1104 01:12:45,056 --> 01:12:46,404 (COUGHS) 1105 01:12:46,433 --> 01:12:48,239 Good morning... 1106 01:12:48,352 --> 01:12:50,199 (CONTINUES COUGHING) Everyone. 1107 01:12:50,938 --> 01:12:54,732 - Good morning, Mr Varney. - STUDENTS: Good morning, Mr Varney. 1108 01:12:54,733 --> 01:12:55,900 TEACHER: Class, Mr Varney 1109 01:12:55,901 --> 01:12:58,708 is gonna tell us all about being a pharmacist. 1110 01:12:58,862 --> 01:13:00,334 You're bleeding. 1111 01:13:00,404 --> 01:13:01,655 Huh? 1112 01:13:01,656 --> 01:13:03,629 - GIRL 1: You're bleeding. - No, I'm not. 1113 01:13:03,699 --> 01:13:05,575 - GIRL 2: Ew! - Douglas Varney. 1114 01:13:05,576 --> 01:13:06,743 - Hey, hey, hey, hey. - You are under arrest. 1115 01:13:06,744 --> 01:13:08,787 Wait a minute. What are you talking about? 1116 01:13:08,788 --> 01:13:10,678 - Ahh! - (ALL GASP) 1117 01:13:10,832 --> 01:13:12,040 Take it easy. 1118 01:13:12,041 --> 01:13:13,250 Hey. 1119 01:13:13,251 --> 01:13:15,377 Whoa. Whoa. 1120 01:13:15,378 --> 01:13:17,420 Jeez! Not in front of my kid. 1121 01:13:17,421 --> 01:13:19,006 OFFICER WILLITS: You have the right to remain silent. 1122 01:13:19,007 --> 01:13:20,340 Anything you say 1123 01:13:20,341 --> 01:13:22,731 can and will be used against you in a court of law. 1124 01:13:23,053 --> 01:13:24,609 Do you understand me or not? 1125 01:13:24,888 --> 01:13:26,861 (PANTING) 1126 01:13:37,191 --> 01:13:39,247 Do you know who I am? Do you know who I am? 1127 01:13:39,570 --> 01:13:42,070 Let's give a big round of applause for Christopher's father. 1128 01:13:42,071 --> 01:13:44,086 - Officer Willits! - (STUDENTS APPLAUDING) 1129 01:13:44,825 --> 01:13:46,464 Great stuff, man! 1130 01:13:46,576 --> 01:13:49,801 All right! All right! All right. 1131 01:13:49,997 --> 01:13:53,915 Now, being a police officer is about more than kicking ass, 1132 01:13:53,916 --> 01:13:56,294 car chases and guns. 1133 01:13:56,295 --> 01:13:58,337 STUDENTS: Yeah! 1134 01:13:58,338 --> 01:14:02,759 All right. It's about protecting and serving your community. 1135 01:14:02,760 --> 01:14:06,303 It's about making sure that Woodbury is a safe place for you all 1136 01:14:06,304 --> 01:14:08,820 - to work and play. It... - (CHATTER ON POLICE RADIO) 1137 01:14:08,891 --> 01:14:10,348 (LAUGHS WEAKLY) 1138 01:14:10,349 --> 01:14:11,516 Oh! 1139 01:14:11,517 --> 01:14:12,642 Oh, excuse me one second, please. 1140 01:14:12,643 --> 01:14:14,020 Joke's on me. 1141 01:14:14,021 --> 01:14:16,119 One more time please, with that. 1142 01:14:16,898 --> 01:14:18,246 (DOOR CLOSES) 1143 01:14:31,120 --> 01:14:33,622 I'm gonna have to ask you to come with me. 1144 01:14:33,623 --> 01:14:35,720 - (STUDENTS GASPING) - All right. All right. 1145 01:14:36,877 --> 01:14:38,558 We're gonna take a walk. 1146 01:14:54,603 --> 01:14:56,144 JANET: I didn't know what to say. 1147 01:14:56,145 --> 01:14:58,870 I was with my son. 1148 01:15:01,151 --> 01:15:03,207 AGENT CARP: Mr Varney. 1149 01:15:04,321 --> 01:15:06,127 Can we lose the cuffs, please? 1150 01:15:07,324 --> 01:15:09,158 Give us a minute, all right? 1151 01:15:09,159 --> 01:15:13,371 Now listen, none of this should come as a surprise to you 1152 01:15:13,372 --> 01:15:16,666 given the inconsistent state of affairs around here, okay? 1153 01:15:16,667 --> 01:15:19,167 With a paper trail as long as this one, this was bound to happen. 1154 01:15:19,168 --> 01:15:22,351 - This is usually how these things work out. - (SNIFFLING) 1155 01:15:22,965 --> 01:15:24,673 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 1156 01:15:24,674 --> 01:15:26,134 Oh, no, no, no. Don't apologise. 1157 01:15:26,135 --> 01:15:27,676 I didn't mean to hurt anybody. 1158 01:15:27,677 --> 01:15:29,636 No, no apology necessary. 1159 01:15:29,637 --> 01:15:31,555 - I'm so sorry. - It's okay, Doug. 1160 01:15:31,556 --> 01:15:32,973 I didn't mean to do anything. 1161 01:15:32,974 --> 01:15:35,435 It's all right. It's all over now. 1162 01:15:35,436 --> 01:15:36,810 (SOBBING) 1163 01:15:36,811 --> 01:15:38,451 It's okay. 1164 01:15:40,732 --> 01:15:43,108 What, what, what are they doing here? 1165 01:15:43,109 --> 01:15:45,792 Well now, Doug, they're here to take away the body. 1166 01:15:46,154 --> 01:15:47,822 What do you mean, body? What do you mean? 1167 01:15:47,823 --> 01:15:48,948 Well, you know... 1168 01:15:48,949 --> 01:15:50,323 - How the fuck? - He probably... 1169 01:15:50,324 --> 01:15:52,160 How the fuck did he get here from his house? 1170 01:15:52,161 --> 01:15:53,869 Doug, listen. He panicked, okay? 1171 01:15:53,870 --> 01:15:56,289 Being as how there weren't any doctor's offices nearby, 1172 01:15:56,290 --> 01:15:57,622 he did the next best thing he could. 1173 01:15:57,623 --> 01:16:01,140 He came here, okay? So this is where (STAMMERS) he expired. 1174 01:16:01,462 --> 01:16:03,920 Are you okay, Doug? Are you okay? 1175 01:16:03,921 --> 01:16:05,213 Hey, Mr Varney, you cannot go back there. 1176 01:16:05,214 --> 01:16:06,674 Hey, hey, hey! Hey! 1177 01:16:06,675 --> 01:16:08,718 Mr Varney, no, no, no, no, no. 1178 01:16:08,719 --> 01:16:10,233 (GASPS) 1179 01:16:11,220 --> 01:16:13,486 What the fuck? 1180 01:16:14,515 --> 01:16:16,184 What the fuck? 1181 01:16:16,185 --> 01:16:19,283 AGENT CARP: Now listen, he was no angel, okay? 1182 01:16:19,687 --> 01:16:22,315 Poor kid, he really got in over his head with this one. 1183 01:16:22,316 --> 01:16:23,857 With what? 1184 01:16:23,858 --> 01:16:27,570 Well, with pilfering. You know? 1185 01:16:27,571 --> 01:16:29,697 - (PILLS RATTLING) - Pill skimming. 1186 01:16:29,698 --> 01:16:34,451 You know? A couple here, two more there, a couple three more there. 1187 01:16:34,452 --> 01:16:37,635 That sort of thing adds up in a hurry, sometimes too quick. 1188 01:16:37,998 --> 01:16:39,372 You know, you don't know this, 1189 01:16:39,373 --> 01:16:43,585 but there's a real cottage industry out here in the burbs for this kind of thing. 1190 01:16:43,586 --> 01:16:48,216 Noah was a resourceful criminal, but he forgot the first rule of the drug game. 1191 01:16:48,217 --> 01:16:50,801 Don't get high on your own supply. 1192 01:16:50,802 --> 01:16:51,927 It's a shame. 1193 01:16:51,928 --> 01:16:55,611 Good-looking kid. Great head of hair. 1194 01:16:56,474 --> 01:16:59,907 So that's... So that's it, then? 1195 01:17:00,062 --> 01:17:03,744 I have some paperwork for you to sign, but then we're done. 1196 01:17:06,193 --> 01:17:07,776 Listen, Mr Varney. 1197 01:17:07,777 --> 01:17:11,127 Doug, I know that this is rough, okay? 1198 01:17:11,407 --> 01:17:16,090 Quite a shock, but there's nothing that you could have done to stop it, okay? 1199 01:17:16,328 --> 01:17:20,540 Hey, from the looks of things, you ought to prescribe yourself a little something. 1200 01:17:20,541 --> 01:17:23,556 Hey, that is not appropriate, Officer. 1201 01:17:25,461 --> 01:17:27,143 Local cops, right? 1202 01:17:28,173 --> 01:17:29,340 He's right, though, 1203 01:17:29,341 --> 01:17:33,733 Mr Varney. Go ahead. It'll be our little secret. 1204 01:17:36,306 --> 01:17:38,196 You take care, now. 1205 01:17:39,268 --> 01:17:40,768 Agent Carp, Agent Carp. 1206 01:17:40,769 --> 01:17:44,605 - I'll be right back, Doug. - I need to... I need to talk to you. 1207 01:17:44,606 --> 01:17:46,439 - (BELL DINGING INSISTENTLY) - I need to... 1208 01:17:46,440 --> 01:17:49,499 Hello! Anybody here? I need some aspirin! 1209 01:17:52,738 --> 01:17:54,295 Hey! 1210 01:17:54,615 --> 01:17:55,866 My drinking buddy! 1211 01:17:55,867 --> 01:17:57,034 You're not supposed to be here. 1212 01:17:57,035 --> 01:17:58,161 OFFICER WILLITS: He's right. 1213 01:17:58,162 --> 01:18:00,538 - I'm gonna have to ask you to clear out. - No, it's all right. 1214 01:18:00,539 --> 01:18:02,720 You... 1215 01:18:02,790 --> 01:18:04,138 You... 1216 01:18:05,209 --> 01:18:11,089 Last night after we had the drinks at the bar, I took the... I took the party home 1217 01:18:11,090 --> 01:18:16,179 by myself and I drank a half a bottle of Black Label. 1218 01:18:16,180 --> 01:18:19,153 I passed out cold right there on the chair. 1219 01:18:20,725 --> 01:18:23,116 My head's killing me. Do you have... 1220 01:18:23,479 --> 01:18:25,076 Huh? Oh! Yeah. 1221 01:18:26,315 --> 01:18:28,579 Thanks. Okay. 1222 01:18:29,818 --> 01:18:32,862 I should probably... Should pick up a prescription. 1223 01:18:32,863 --> 01:18:36,587 My prescriptions because the delivery guy never made it up to the house. 1224 01:18:36,658 --> 01:18:38,617 All... A lot of orders got screwed up. 1225 01:18:38,618 --> 01:18:41,954 I'll fill it out and have someone run it over to you later. 1226 01:18:41,955 --> 01:18:44,303 - What do I owe you? - Call it even. 1227 01:18:44,791 --> 01:18:46,459 For the drinks. 1228 01:18:46,460 --> 01:18:48,252 All right. Good seeing you, Doug. Thanks. 1229 01:18:48,253 --> 01:18:51,352 Hey, is everything else okay? 1230 01:18:53,342 --> 01:18:54,689 What do you mean? 1231 01:18:55,594 --> 01:18:59,137 Well, you know, with your wife, what you were telling me at the bar. 1232 01:18:59,138 --> 01:19:00,570 Oh... 1233 01:19:00,891 --> 01:19:04,615 I don't know. She left me. 1234 01:19:05,187 --> 01:19:07,646 She left? And she's not coming back? 1235 01:19:07,647 --> 01:19:11,983 I don't know. She even turned off her cell phone. 1236 01:19:11,984 --> 01:19:14,542 I think this time she really means it. 1237 01:19:16,407 --> 01:19:18,504 All right, Doug. Thanks. 1238 01:19:20,326 --> 01:19:21,494 AGENT CARP: Doug? 1239 01:19:21,495 --> 01:19:23,676 You wanted to talk to me? 1240 01:19:26,499 --> 01:19:30,641 Yeah, I just wanted to say thanks for all your help. 1241 01:19:31,088 --> 01:19:33,144 - Sure thing. - You're good. 1242 01:19:34,258 --> 01:19:37,440 Thanks. You're good, too. 1243 01:19:38,387 --> 01:19:39,901 (CLEARS THROAT) 1244 01:19:40,888 --> 01:19:43,808 We all do our part to keep the world turning. 1245 01:19:43,809 --> 01:19:46,073 You take care of yourself now, Doug. 1246 01:19:54,360 --> 01:19:55,958 (EXHALES) 1247 01:19:58,031 --> 01:19:59,962 Hell of a day, huh, Varney? 1248 01:20:00,658 --> 01:20:02,256 (CHUCKLING) 1249 01:20:03,035 --> 01:20:04,801 (BELLS JINGLE) 1250 01:20:19,760 --> 01:20:22,068 (MOBILE RINGING) 1251 01:20:24,391 --> 01:20:26,364 Fuck. 1252 01:20:34,902 --> 01:20:36,151 Okay. 1253 01:20:36,152 --> 01:20:37,500 Hello? 1254 01:20:37,696 --> 01:20:38,988 Hey, baby. 1255 01:20:38,989 --> 01:20:40,530 Elizabeth, where the... 1256 01:20:40,531 --> 01:20:42,116 - You didn't answer your calls. - Yeah, 1257 01:20:42,117 --> 01:20:44,382 that was the plan, remember? No calls. 1258 01:20:44,912 --> 01:20:48,386 Yeah, well, the plan has changed. Jack isn't dead. 1259 01:20:49,582 --> 01:20:50,999 Jack isn't dead. 1260 01:20:51,000 --> 01:20:52,210 What? 1261 01:20:52,211 --> 01:20:55,296 There was a screw-up with the deliveries and Noah... 1262 01:20:55,297 --> 01:20:57,854 It's complicated. I can't get into it. 1263 01:21:00,719 --> 01:21:02,108 Elizabeth? 1264 01:21:20,572 --> 01:21:23,045 Bonnie and Clyde, we are not. 1265 01:21:23,157 --> 01:21:24,881 (LAUGHS TEARFULLY) 1266 01:21:35,503 --> 01:21:38,089 It's not too late, though, right? 1267 01:21:38,090 --> 01:21:39,937 I mean, 1268 01:21:41,092 --> 01:21:43,051 we could still go away. 1269 01:21:43,052 --> 01:21:47,361 We could just... We could go away. 1270 01:21:49,267 --> 01:21:53,242 I have a kid, Elizabeth. I can't leave. 1271 01:22:18,130 --> 01:22:20,394 God. 1272 01:22:21,008 --> 01:22:23,272 I was worried sick. 1273 01:22:26,096 --> 01:22:28,013 Yeah, I'm fine. 1274 01:22:28,014 --> 01:22:30,113 I meant this. 1275 01:22:32,311 --> 01:22:33,741 Oh. 1276 01:22:34,730 --> 01:22:37,690 You were right. I guess I've just been a little bit 1277 01:22:37,691 --> 01:22:42,667 caught up in, you know, Ethan's drama and the studio. 1278 01:22:46,741 --> 01:22:48,909 But you're home now. 1279 01:22:48,910 --> 01:22:50,869 So that's what's important. 1280 01:22:50,870 --> 01:22:55,165 Kara, that letter wasn't me asking you to change. 1281 01:22:55,166 --> 01:22:58,933 It was me telling you that I'm leaving. 1282 01:23:17,939 --> 01:23:19,495 (BOTH SHOUT) 1283 01:23:26,782 --> 01:23:28,032 Whoo! Yeah! 1284 01:23:28,033 --> 01:23:29,951 That's what I'm talking about! Yes! 1285 01:23:29,952 --> 01:23:33,301 You made it. All right. Congratulations. 1286 01:23:57,771 --> 01:23:59,202 (WOMAN LAUGHING) 1287 01:24:17,624 --> 01:24:19,917 Good morning, Doug. 1288 01:24:19,918 --> 01:24:21,919 I brought you some coffee just the way you like it. 1289 01:24:21,920 --> 01:24:26,145 Oh, no, thanks, Walt. I'm off caffeine. I appreciate it, though. 1290 01:24:26,591 --> 01:24:27,980 Oh. 1291 01:24:29,261 --> 01:24:30,691 (EXHALES) 1292 01:24:31,012 --> 01:24:34,806 You know, it's funny. I don't hate it nearly as much as I thought I would. 1293 01:24:34,807 --> 01:24:37,782 That's funny. I don't really give a shit. 1294 01:24:42,231 --> 01:24:45,068 FONDA: Like I said, things don't change much in Woodbury, 1295 01:24:45,069 --> 01:24:46,568 but every now and then, 1296 01:24:46,569 --> 01:24:49,252 we need to be reminded that change can be good. 1297 01:24:49,781 --> 01:24:53,159 - The pharmacy had a whole new look, - (CAMERA CLICKS) 1298 01:24:53,160 --> 01:24:55,495 and I wanted to see it for myself. 1299 01:24:55,496 --> 01:24:57,635 Ma'am, are you finding everything all right? 1300 01:24:59,040 --> 01:25:01,764 Yes. Yes, I am. 1301 01:25:01,877 --> 01:25:03,251 And may I say this pharmacy 1302 01:25:03,252 --> 01:25:08,020 has the most impressive collection of douches I have ever seen. 1303 01:25:08,884 --> 01:25:10,398 Well, thank you. 1304 01:25:19,478 --> 01:25:22,660 DOUG: (WHISPERING) High blood pressure, acid reflux, 1305 01:25:23,856 --> 01:25:25,538 chlamydia. 1306 01:25:27,528 --> 01:25:28,945 Never would have guessed. 1307 01:25:28,946 --> 01:25:30,668 No one ever does. 1308 01:25:32,032 --> 01:25:33,379 WOMAN: Excuse me. 1309 01:25:33,784 --> 01:25:35,131 Oh, hey. 1310 01:25:37,287 --> 01:25:39,205 I thought you were out of town. 1311 01:25:39,206 --> 01:25:42,305 I had to come back to sign some papers. You know, make it final. 1312 01:25:44,001 --> 01:25:48,464 And I had a few things I absolutely needed to pick up from the pharmacy. 1313 01:25:48,465 --> 01:25:51,105 Just to complete the collection 1314 01:25:51,593 --> 01:25:52,885 for the kingdom. 1315 01:25:52,886 --> 01:25:54,442 (LAUGHS) 1316 01:25:58,641 --> 01:26:02,853 So, are you in town long or... 1317 01:26:02,854 --> 01:26:06,441 No, I leave tonight for Madrid, and then Paris 1318 01:26:06,442 --> 01:26:08,234 and then I don't really know. I'm not sure. 1319 01:26:08,235 --> 01:26:11,793 I don't care, as long as I don't understand the menu, you know? 1320 01:26:12,905 --> 01:26:15,171 Well, hey, that sounds great. 1321 01:26:15,701 --> 01:26:17,548 It sounds like you'll have a great... 1322 01:26:25,294 --> 01:26:30,311 FONDA: You can't help everyone, but everyone can help someone. 1323 01:26:31,674 --> 01:26:34,134 Take care of yourself, Doug. 1324 01:26:34,135 --> 01:26:37,638 And sometimes, that someone is yourself. 1325 01:26:37,639 --> 01:26:39,320 - You, too. - (BELLS JINGLING) 1326 01:26:56,158 --> 01:26:59,327 Doug Varney wasn't used to winning. 1327 01:26:59,328 --> 01:27:02,287 But he was beginning to enjoy how it felt. 1328 01:27:02,288 --> 01:27:03,970 JANET: Consult!