1
00:00:52,352 --> 00:00:53,652
 Help me get her
in the car, ray!

2
00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:55,521
 Okay, but this bitch
heavy as hell, cuz!

3
00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:58,657
 Let me finger
gangbang her at least, homie!

4
00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:00,092
 Just help me
get her to the hospital!

5
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:00,826
 Okay, one finger then!
 Ray!

6
00:01:02,363 --> 00:01:04,163
 All right, but we
ain't goin' inside, homie.

7
00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:05,831
We gonna go around
the emergency loop,

8
00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:07,466
roll her ass out like
we do all the homies

9
00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:09,368
that get shot
in the hood, homie.

10
00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:12,371
Why you snuff her fine ass
anyway, homie?
I wanted to bone, cuz.

11
00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:14,339
She was possessed, ray!
Possessed?

12
00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:16,175
Possessed like head
spinnin' around

13
00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:17,342
vomitin' everywhere,
possessed?

14
00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:18,811
Or like possessed like kanye

15
00:01:18,813 --> 00:01:20,279
when you take
a picture of him?

16
00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:21,780
Just drive like
you got warrants, please!

17
00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:23,148
Nigga, I do got warrants!

18
00:01:23,150 --> 00:01:26,218
Look! These right here!
Jaywalkin'!

19
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:28,720
For eating grapes
in the grocery store
without payin' for 'em!

20
00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:30,556
Shavin' my dog's
balls in public.

21
00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:32,458
Drivin' with my hands
off the wheel, cuz.

22
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,159
I be ghost-ridin'
my whip, cuz.

23
00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:38,330
An altercation with
my moms, homie, but
she provoked me, cuz!

24
00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:40,599
Ray-ray,
I think she's waking.
All right, here! Take this

25
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,367
and pistol-whip her
with the butt of the gun.

26
00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:44,236
I'm not pistol-whippin'
my girlfriend!

27
00:01:44,238 --> 00:01:46,538
All right, nigga, well,
you drive and I'll
pistol-whip that bitch!

28
00:01:47,842 --> 00:01:49,541
Kisha, resist!

29
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:51,243
<i> But you didn't!</i>

30
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:54,746
I've seen you for the bitch
that you are, Malcolm.


31
00:01:54,748 --> 00:01:58,317
What's she talkin' about,
homie?
<i> Booty pirates!</i>

32
00:01:58,319 --> 00:02:01,286
Nothing,
she's possessed, man.
<i> That's right, you fucker!</i>

33
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,422
<i> He's a ghostbuster!</i>

34
00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:05,324
That sound real suspect
back there, homie.

35
00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:06,859
Was you in juvie, cuz?

36
00:02:06,861 --> 00:02:09,261
If you don't cry,
you ain't no bitch
in there, homie.

37
00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:12,364
I didn't cry.
Doodles on they dick.
Joke's on them, cuz.

38
00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:14,733
<i> By the powers vested to me,</i>

39
00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:17,336
<i> that somebody gave me</i>
<i> while I was locked up...</i>

40
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:20,172
Who are you?
It's father Williams, homie.

41
00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:21,907
She do a mean impression
of that nigga, cuz.

42
00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:24,376
I do a mean impression
of <i> the Butler.</i> Check it.

43
00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:26,411
"I'm here for the boss.
I'm here to serve the boss."

44
00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:28,714
Who are you?
I'm forest Whitaker, homie.

45
00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:29,882
From the movie
that's like <i> the help,</i>

46
00:02:29,884 --> 00:02:31,750
but he didn't doo-doo
in the pie, homie.

47
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:32,918
Ray, I'm not talkin' to you!
I'm talkin' to Kisha.

48
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:36,255
Are you gonna let that bitch
choke you out, cuz?

49
00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:38,190
You a bitch, homie...


50
00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:39,558
Get the fuck off me!

51
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,793
 Kisha! Kisha!

52
00:02:41,795 --> 00:02:43,595
Oh, shit, she breathed
in my face, homie.

53
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,464
I'll get the bird flu,
it's contagious...

54
00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:46,632
She blacked out, ray.

55
00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:49,768
Get us to the hospital.
Hurry!


56
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:52,437
Ray? Ray?


57
00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:54,273
Oh, shit!

58
00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:06,552
Oh, my God!
Kisha? Kisha!

59
00:03:09,255 --> 00:03:10,556
Ray?

60
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:11,957
 Ray!

61
00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:18,230
It's a good thing I drank
that hennessy earlier.

62
00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:19,565
I can't feel shit, homie!

63
00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:20,933
I think Kisha's dead.

64
00:03:20,935 --> 00:03:23,468
Good! Let's get the fuck
outta here, homie!

65
00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:27,272
Listen.
We were never here.

66
00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:30,475
I'm with you, cuz.
All right. Deuces!

67
00:03:30,477 --> 00:03:32,377
We ghost hunters!

68
00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:43,822
 I don't know
about this place, baby.

69
00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:46,225
 You've said that about
every house we looked at.

70
00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:47,893
There's just something creepy
about this place, like...

71
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:49,361
Give me the heebie-jeebies...

72
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:51,563
Like somethin' bad
happened in here.

73
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:55,834
Well, I love it.
And I love you.

74
00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:58,337
There you go,
bribin' me with vagina.
Whatever works.

75
00:03:58,339 --> 00:03:59,972
Know when I'm weak.

76
00:03:59,974 --> 00:04:01,406
Disgusting.

77
00:04:02,508 --> 00:04:04,943
Oh, it's disgusting
when we do it,

78
00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:06,712
but when you kissing
the whole entire
sophomore class,

79
00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:08,013
it's cool, huh?

80
00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:10,549
Give me that damn camera,
you little gnat!

81
00:04:10,551 --> 00:04:11,683
Oh, finger.
Real creative. Wow.

82
00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:12,951
 Cut her some slack.

83
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:14,353
She's just goin'
through a phase.

84
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:16,388
 Yeah, a phase.
It's called "whore."

85
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:19,558
Look at that.
Last a lifetime.
Malcolm, stop!

86
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:20,926
 No, see,
that's a phase.

87
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:21,994
 Looks like
he met an imaginary friend.

88
00:04:21,996 --> 00:04:23,395
It's normal.

89
00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:24,997
What you doin' there, buddy?

90
00:04:24,999 --> 00:04:26,531
Want to help me
load some boxes?

91
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:28,500
Cool!
All right. My man!

92
00:04:29,569 --> 00:04:31,003
Sorry, Malcolm. I can't.

93
00:04:31,005 --> 00:04:32,738
 Why not?

94
00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:35,340
Tony says, "aw, hell no!
I ain't yo' slave!"

95
00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:39,411
Is it me or does his
imaginary friend sound black?

96
00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:40,779
Pretty progressive.

97
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,347
 Why don't you
and your friend go play?

98
00:04:42,349 --> 00:04:43,548
Okay.

99
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:45,984
That game sounds like fun!

100
00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:47,886
 Oh!

101
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:50,455
I don't like
the tripping game, Tony.

102
00:04:52,492 --> 00:04:55,560
Look at all that sexy.
Come here. Give me a kiss.

103
00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:57,929
Let's piss off
your forefathers.

104
00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:04,603
Malcolm, it's 2013.
Interracial relationships
are not a big deal anymore.

105
00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:05,837
Yeah, you tell that
to the sistas.

106
00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:09,775
You know, they be like,
"I know he didn't!"

107
00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:13,445
"He did not kiss that
pasty ass white bitch!"
Pasty?

108
00:05:13,447 --> 00:05:15,547
"Yes! Not with them
old thin ass lips.

109
00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:17,916
"Look at them,
look like baloney slices!"

110
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:19,951
"Uh-uh.
See he straight scrippin'

111
00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:21,620
"and it don't make
no damn sense."

112
00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:22,554
Come here, shiloh junior.

113
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:24,022
There's my baby boy.

114
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,490
I still can't believe

115
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,459
you named our dog
shiloh junior.

116
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:30,896
Well, I was gonna
name him shiloh two
or shiloh the sequel,

117
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:34,599
but he wouldn't
answer to those, so,
shiloh junior it is.

118
00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:36,535
C'mon! Hey, come on,
shiloh junior.

119
00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:37,736
Hey, babe,
are you gettin' this?

120
00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:40,105
your obsession
with all these cameras.

121
00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:42,541
Hey, you can never have
too many cameras, okay?

122
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:44,710
Hey, shiloh! Come on, baby.


123
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:46,678
You ready to go see
your new house, shiloh junior?

124
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,648
Come on, shiloh junior.
Shiloh junior!
Hey, get inside.

125
00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:50,649
Don't make me put bass
in my voice.

126
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,784
Hey! Shiloh!


127
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,653
God, I don't know
what's wrong with him.

128
00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:58,023
Oh, fucking...

129
00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,858
Oh, shit!
Oh, breathe!

130
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:02,027
Come on, shiloh!
Don't go towards the light!

131
00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:03,995
Call 9-1-1.

132
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:06,465
Tell 'em the dog is white!
Tell 'em the dog is white!

133
00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:08,600
Oh, God. I got a pulse.

134
00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:10,836
Breathe! Shiloh, like this.


135
00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:16,441
Fuck! Oh, my back!
Oh, my fuckin' back!

136
00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:18,009
Please, help me!

137
00:06:22,515 --> 00:06:24,783
My fuckin' dog is a pancake!

138
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:28,153
Get me a goddamn pump!

139
00:06:33,993 --> 00:06:36,395
It's working! Come on!

140
00:06:42,668 --> 00:06:44,703
Meet me at the hospital!

141
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:49,408
The hospital's that way!

142
00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:51,777
 So young, never had
a chance to lick his balls.

143
00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:54,813
I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm good.

144
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:57,849
You know, I'm just so happy
I got to spend time with...

145
00:06:57,851 --> 00:07:00,886
It's just every time I try
and say the name... 

146
00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:09,895
 Shiloh!

147
00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:14,766
Oh, God, it hurts!
Oh, God!

148
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,768
It's tingly in...

149
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,603
 Oh, God!

150
00:07:21,073 --> 00:07:25,010
I'm goin' with you! Oh, God!
It's time to go bye-bye.

151
00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:31,450
 Shiloh!

152
00:07:37,557 --> 00:07:39,624
Junior.

153
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:45,897
I bet you could put
a whole lot of
birth control in that.

154
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,599
I really hate you.

155
00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:50,669
That's what your daddy said.
That's why the nigga gone.

156
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:52,204
What've you got there?

157
00:07:52,206 --> 00:07:54,606
Just an old box
that I found in the basement.

158
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:56,775
Don't you think
we should return it
to the prior owners?

159
00:07:56,777 --> 00:07:57,943
If they wanted it,
they would've taken it

160
00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:00,245
in the first place.
Ooh. 

161
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:03,215
Okay, look, Becky,
I'm not your dad.

162
00:08:03,217 --> 00:08:06,852
I'm just the guy
that's like... your mom.

163
00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:09,654
So I'll make you a deal.
I'll let you keep the box

164
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:12,624
if you promise to try
and make this work
between me and you, okay?

165
00:08:12,626 --> 00:08:14,926
It's for your mom.
Fine.

166
00:08:17,797 --> 00:08:19,631
I think
we're gettin' somewhere.

167
00:08:26,639 --> 00:08:28,607
I'm just messin'
with you, bro.

168
00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:30,175
Oh, shit!


169
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,577
I just do that when
I'm talkin' to <i> negritos.</i>
It's all good.

170
00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:34,079
Did he just call me a nigger?
What's goin' on, bro?

171
00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:36,081
I just moved in with
my girl right here

172
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:37,282
and we was
just wonderin'
Megan: Hi.

173
00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:41,820
Are you serious?
Dude, I live here, <i> puto!</i>
It's my house!

174
00:08:41,822 --> 00:08:43,788
Oh, shit! I'm sorry.
Megan: Oh, my God.

175
00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:45,891
I just assumed...
You got the gloves
and the hat,

176
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:47,659
and the lawnmower
and the truck.

177
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:50,929
Oh, 'cause I'm Mexican
I must be Jose!
Are you?

178
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:52,564
No, fool!
My name is Miguel!

179
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:53,865
Is that your truck?

180
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:56,268
Yeah, that's my truck!
Malcolm: Then who's Jose?

181
00:08:56,270 --> 00:08:58,169
That's my middle name.
You wanna guess my last name?

182
00:08:58,171 --> 00:08:59,571
No, no, no.
Oh, come on.

183
00:08:59,573 --> 00:09:00,705
You guys are here,
you might as well.

184
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:01,806
I don't know. Rodriguez?

185
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:02,874
That's racist, bro.

186
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,843
You asked...
Did he ask me or what?

187
00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:06,912
I'm just fuckin' with you!

188
00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:10,982
For the record, my name is
Miguel Jose Jesus Gonzalez...

189
00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:12,884
Smith.

190
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,119
Wait, wait, wait.
Megan: What?

191
00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:16,588
Your last name is Smith?

192
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:19,157
Yeah, I'm Mexican
on my mom's side.

193
00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:22,327
So, why is there
Gonzalez on your truck?

194
00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:25,163
Shit, would you trust
your garden to
a guy named Smith?

195
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:28,333
Hey, my name is Malcolm, bro.
 Yeah.

196
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:29,834
I bet your last name
is Johnson.

197
00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:31,703
See, that's
some racist shit!

198
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:35,340
Am I right?
But you're right!

199
00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:37,842
Nice to meet you, man.
Yeah, it's a pleasure
meeting you!

200
00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:40,045
 Nice to meet you.
Tuesdays. I can cut
your grass on Tuesdays.

201
00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:42,180
What can I say,
I'm a gardener
by ethnic default.

202
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:46,885
Watch out, <i> guera!</i>

203
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:48,253
 Hey. What?

204
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:49,254
You gon' try
and tease a brother?

205
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:50,889
That's an invite?

206
00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:53,692
One, two,
 I'm done.

207
00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:55,627
What's that?
What?

208
00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:57,729
Oh! That's Abigail.
Ew.

209
00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,631
I found her in the wardrobe
that was left here.

210
00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:00,599
Yeah, well, put it back.

211
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:02,834
Hey, stop! She's creepy!

212
00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:04,936
We look alike.
Yeah, same eyes and pigtails.

213
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,871
Wait, no, no,
don't put it on the bed!

214
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:20,251
Hey.

215
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,855
How you doin'?

216
00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:25,757
You ain't gonna
say nothin', huh?

217
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:27,993
 Girl, you stupid.

218
00:10:29,228 --> 00:10:31,997
You don't want none of this?
Come here.

219
00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:34,065
Oh, I can't play with it
but you can.

220
00:10:35,901 --> 00:10:39,004
You gonna bite my lip?
Take that!

221
00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:41,039
You fuckin' like this!

222
00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:42,841
Uh-huh. It was gonna come.

223
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:44,342
It was gonna come!

224
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:50,248
Just wanna put the tip in.
I'm gonna put the tip in...

225
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,317
Ah! Ahh! Ahh!

226
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,921
Look at that.
Mmm. Uh-huh.

227
00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:58,923
Mmm, yeah.

228
00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:02,227
You got that goody.
Bite the pillow,
bite that fuckin' pillow.

229
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:09,134
You gonna eat
my butt now. Oh, shit!

230
00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:13,438
Nigga, she...
She lickin' that.

231
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:16,875
You taste like doo-doo.
But I love it!

232
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:18,209
You on the pill?
I don't want to
get you pregnant.

233
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:19,744
You wanna make
little doll babies?

234
00:11:19,746 --> 00:11:21,079
They gonna have my eyes
with your eyes...

235
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:22,781
Oh, you gonna
give me splinters!

236
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:28,887
Fuck this shit.
I wanna cry! It feels so...

237
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:36,995
Don't look. Don't look.
Hold on a second.

238
00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:41,766
This side is wet with soap,
this one is dry.

239
00:11:41,768 --> 00:11:46,838
I mighta leaked in you.
I don't know if I came,
I leaked a little bit.

240
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:49,207
That's all right.
You ain't even ovulatin'.

241
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,009
Why you trippin'?
Come on, stop worrying.

242
00:11:56,315 --> 00:11:59,818
 Honey, we're home!
Oh, shit! You gotta go!

243
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:02,821
Shit! No!
Megan: Malcolm!

244
00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:05,223
Hi, honey! Um...

245
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,858
 Hey, where are you?


246
00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:08,827
You gotta go!
We... I'm just upstairs!

247
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:10,895
You gotta get outta here.

248
00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:16,835
Fuck!

249
00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:18,403
Ah! Shit!

250
00:12:26,178 --> 00:12:27,078
Mmm.

251
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:31,082
"Hanging out."

252
00:12:32,351 --> 00:12:35,854
Sounds a little soft
for my taste, but... fuck it.

253
00:12:41,127 --> 00:12:43,528
Yeah, I don't think
this is right.

254
00:12:44,897 --> 00:12:46,865
Maybe I should
download the manual.

255
00:12:59,545 --> 00:13:00,879
<i> What the...</i>

256
00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:07,085
<i> Great. Get up here.</i>

257
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:17,929
<i> Can't breathe.</i>
<i> Can't breathe.</i>

258
00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:19,264
<i> Cut the camera.</i>
<i> Turn the camera off.</i>

259
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:22,167
 Wow.

260
00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:27,906
I seen some shit,
but that was...
That was crazy!

261
00:13:27,908 --> 00:13:31,376
<i> A demonic figure tried to</i>
<i> hang a family in the backyard.</i>

262
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:33,878
<i> I gotta keep this from</i>
<i> Megan and the kids.</i>

263
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:35,180
<i> Is it weird that</i>
<i> I was aroused by this?</i>

264
00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:37,148
<i> Why is my dick</i>
<i> bending in my jeans?</i>

265
00:13:46,125 --> 00:13:48,960
Hello? Hello?


266
00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:50,562
<i> Twinkle, twinkle little star</i>

267
00:13:50,564 --> 00:13:52,997
who is this? Hello!

268
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:55,066
<i> It's a nigger.</i>

269
00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:06,578
 Oh,
that's a ugly motherfucker.

270
00:14:06,580 --> 00:14:08,446
Is that Steven Tyler?

271
00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:14,185
What the hell? Same tree!

272
00:14:18,123 --> 00:14:21,025
Shit! Kisha?

273
00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:29,868
Megan, what you doing?
I almost dumped
the fuck out you!

274
00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:34,038
You got to holler at me!
You can't just be walkin' up.

275
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:37,308
You gotta give me
like a "whoop-ti-whoo,"
a "kakow!" Or a "tsh-tsh"!

276
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:39,510
Just make your own up.
Please announce yourself!

277
00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:41,546
Honey, you look like
you've seen a ghost.

278
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:43,882
I think I did.

279
00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:46,985
Wait. So now
I look like a ghost.

280
00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:48,586
Excuse me,
where you goin' with this?

281
00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:50,989
So now I'm too pasty for you?

282
00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:52,924
Malcolm, I can't do
anything about that!
What do you mean?

283
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:55,260
Unless you want me
to get skin cancer
from the sun.

284
00:14:55,262 --> 00:14:58,162
And deep nasty wrinkles,
and then they'll have to
give me chemo

285
00:14:58,164 --> 00:15:00,398
and I'll lose all my hair,
and then I'll look like
a nasty bald raisin!

286
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,100
Is that what you want?
Is that what you want?

287
00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:04,636
No! I don't want you
to look like a raisin!

288
00:15:04,638 --> 00:15:06,537
I don't like the raisin!
I don't like to date raisins!

289
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:08,506
I don't like the raisins
on Morgan Freeman's face!

290
00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:09,974
I just don't like raisins.

291
00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:11,509
I don't like the new ones
that Obama got,

292
00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:13,011
the young raisins on his face!

293
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:14,445
I don't like raisins.

294
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:18,016
So please,
don't look like a raisin.

295
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:22,553
I need to go meditate and
get my chi back in alignment.

296
00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:24,622
What chi? You were just...

297
00:15:34,533 --> 00:15:36,167
Ah! Ahh!

298
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:38,603
Walk to the light!
It's bedtime.

299
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,071
What you all dressed up for?

300
00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:41,205
We goin' to a club?
Mmm-mmm.

301
00:15:41,207 --> 00:15:42,640
Foam party?
No.

302
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,609
We goin' to a pajama
jammy jam?
Just bed.

303
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:47,645
You gotta be more
comfortable
with this relationship...

304
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:51,182
You're right.
Put on some sweat pants
and some...

305
00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:54,452
Oh, my Jesus lord!
Um, you're naked!

306
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,120
I am.
Oh, wow.

307
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:59,590
I like being naked, though.
I could be naked all day.

308
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:02,627
All day? But come on,
that's not practical, hon.

309
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:07,565
You don't wanna be
on the bus naked
or in Starbucks naked.

310
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:10,034
Why not?
'Cause that coffee
spill on you, it's hot!

311
00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:11,402
It's gonna leave a scar.

312
00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:12,403
Melt one of your
nipples off or somethin'.

313
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:13,571
Hey, hey, hey.

314
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:16,541
The camera's on, baby.

315
00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:20,345
Good. Just make sure
you film my good side.

316
00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:23,514
What the fuck?
Are you serious?

317
00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:27,051
We gonna get all angles
on that... oh, shit.

318
00:16:27,053 --> 00:16:30,355
Baby, your creepy doll
is makin' my dick scared.

319
00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:31,723
Just let her watch.

320
00:16:31,725 --> 00:16:34,993
You just said
the right type
of nasty shit!

321
00:16:38,697 --> 00:16:41,566
 Oh, God!
I gotta replenish my fluids.

322
00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:46,537
After round two.

323
00:16:49,708 --> 00:16:52,210
 Whoo! Ah! Whoo!

324
00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:54,712
That was wild.
 Come on, Malcolm.

325
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:57,148
 What,
aren't you done yet?

326
00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:04,756
I am now.
Ready for round three?
Seriously...

327
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:14,098
Baby, you gotta train
for some shit like this!

328
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:15,433
Come on, Malcolm,
bell's ringing.

329
00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:16,734
Time for round four.

330
00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:19,570
No, no, baby.
My ding-ding is
knocked out cold.

331
00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:20,638
I can't do it.

332
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:21,706
Corner's throwin' in
the towel!

333
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,274
Let's go, Malcolm.

334
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:24,776
I gotta get some enswell
if we keep goin'!

335
00:17:24,778 --> 00:17:26,144
Malcolm.
Wait, no, baby!

336
00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:31,315
Right now
she is tearin' me up!

337
00:17:31,317 --> 00:17:32,550
Oh, my God!

338
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:35,453
Aw!

339
00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:36,621
Want me to choke you?


340
00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:38,289
Is that what you like?
Huh? Huh?

341
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:39,724
Stop being a bitch!


342
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,426
Yeah! Come on!

343
00:17:41,428 --> 00:17:43,594
Oh! You want some of this?


344
00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:46,130
You like that?
It's kind of like a blindfold

345
00:17:46,132 --> 00:17:49,434
except you can't
fuckin' breathe! Huh?
Are you crying?

346
00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:51,302
That thing just moved!

347
00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:52,804
 <i> Except you can't</i>
<i> fuckin' breathe!</i>

348
00:17:52,806 --> 00:17:55,306
Thing was watching!

349
00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:58,609
You little...
Who was watching?

350
00:17:58,611 --> 00:18:00,478
Oh, baby, come here.
Check this out!

351
00:18:01,113 --> 00:18:03,147
Oh, my God!

352
00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:04,415
Did you see it?

353
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,617
How could I not?
I thought I was trippin'!

354
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:08,719
I am so fat!
Look at me!

355
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:10,788
I look like a huge
blubber ass!

356
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:12,356
I'm like miss piggy
in there!

357
00:18:12,358 --> 00:18:13,791
What're you talking about?

358
00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:15,426
You said you were gonna
shoot my good side.

359
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,794
I did shoot your good side.

360
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,362
Look, I got all that
ass up in...

361
00:18:18,364 --> 00:18:19,797
Look at all that ass, girl.

362
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:21,799
I'm black,
brothers like an ass.

363
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:24,669
You know I do mean that
as a compliment, right?

364
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:29,340
You hate my vagina!
You think it's too loose!

365
00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:30,775
It's not!
It's only on the outside,

366
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:32,877
but once you choose a wall,
it's pretty damn tight.

367
00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:34,846
You know what, Malcolm,
I have had two kids!

368
00:18:34,848 --> 00:18:36,814
I mean, do you think
the stork just dropped 'em off

369
00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:38,182
on the doorstep?

370
00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:40,818
No!
You're knocked up
for nine months

371
00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:42,820
and then your lady parts
are stretched to limits

372
00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:45,423
you cannot even fathom!

373
00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:47,892
Okay, baby.
I think your vagina's cute.

374
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:50,828
Erase the tape
or we are never
having sex again.

375
00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:53,197
Well, since
you put it that way.
Erase the tape!

376
00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:55,366
Okay, I'm erasin' the tape!
I want to see you do it.

377
00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:57,869
I'm erasing the tape.
I'm erasing it.
Erase it right now! Do it!

378
00:18:57,871 --> 00:19:01,405
It's erasing. Baby,
I like the way it sounds.
Erase the tape!

379
00:19:01,407 --> 00:19:03,574
It's not loose!
I like the way it sounds!

380
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:05,243
Sound like a blown speaker.
Just...

381
00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:09,380
You know, it's kinda like
Doug e. Fresh's beatbox.

382
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:12,283
When I'm hittin' it.
It's just...

383
00:19:16,688 --> 00:19:18,222
Mmm...


384
00:19:18,224 --> 00:19:21,859
Who the hell's hittin' me?
Abigail?

385
00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:23,461
You got a page?

386
00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:26,797
"In a relationship
with Malcolm Johnson"?

387
00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:29,800
I only hit it once!
27,000 views?


388
00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:31,736
What in the hell?

389
00:19:33,239 --> 00:19:35,740
I think I might've
fucked the wrong bitch.

390
00:19:35,742 --> 00:19:39,243
Now she's blowin' up
my cell phone? Look at that.

391
00:19:39,245 --> 00:19:42,480
Straight up stalker!
She's crazy!

392
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:46,551
Listen, it's time to turn
my camera game up a level.

393
00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:49,720
I'm talkin' bathrooms,
countertops, computers,

394
00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:52,757
stuffed animals,
mouths and asses!

395
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:55,693
It's goin' down everywhere!
I'm gonna live.

396
00:19:56,728 --> 00:20:01,666
Kitchen? Oh, yeah, I see you.

397
00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:05,570
Uh-huh. Perfect.
Yeah, and I got the ass, too.

398
00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:07,238
All inconspicuous.

399
00:20:09,575 --> 00:20:11,642
Told you, cameras everywhere.

400
00:20:13,579 --> 00:20:14,946
Hey, Becky,
wanna play hide and clap?

401
00:20:14,948 --> 00:20:16,581
 Fuck off!

402
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:18,316
That's, "no, thank you."

403
00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:20,651
Let's do this.
Oh, lady's blindfold.

404
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:22,386
You got this out
your momma's room, right?

405
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:25,323
Oh, boy. Things me
and your momma do with this!

406
00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:29,927
Sometimes she ties my hands
and flip me over
and toss that... salad.

407
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:32,296
Tony likes salad.
Anyway.

408
00:20:32,298 --> 00:20:34,599
I'll put this on.
Let's do it!

409
00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:38,669
One, two, three.
First clap!

410
00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:43,274
Come on. Give me a clap.

411
00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:44,942
Okay.

412
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:48,312
Yeah, I'm gettin' close.
I smell you. I smell you.

413
00:20:48,314 --> 00:20:52,283
You smell like kids,
like worms, coins
and doo-doo. Like...

414
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:53,618
Shit!

415
00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:59,357
Can we just play tag
next time?
I just wanna play tag.

416
00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:02,460
Wyatt? Wyatt?

417
00:21:03,495 --> 00:21:05,696
Where you at, you little shit?

418
00:21:11,803 --> 00:21:13,671
Third clap.

419
00:21:16,642 --> 00:21:17,742
A-ha!

420
00:21:19,645 --> 00:21:22,446
I got you, Wyatt.

421
00:21:24,850 --> 00:21:27,351
I win!
You took your blindfold off.

422
00:21:27,353 --> 00:21:29,654
You're right, Tony.
Malcolm is an idiot.

423
00:21:29,656 --> 00:21:32,356
Take your camera, loser.

424
00:21:32,358 --> 00:21:34,725
Yeah, I wanna learn
how to start a fire.

425
00:21:36,828 --> 00:21:40,331
What the hell was that?

426
00:21:40,333 --> 00:21:42,700
I coulda swore...

427
00:21:46,905 --> 00:21:48,673
Shit!

428
00:21:48,675 --> 00:21:50,741
Fucked you up!

429
00:21:53,011 --> 00:21:56,013
Fuck, are you crazy?
You know who the fuck I is?

430
00:21:56,015 --> 00:21:57,982
 Malcolm!
Baby?

431
00:21:57,984 --> 00:21:59,550
Oh, my God!

432
00:21:59,552 --> 00:22:01,652
You can't be jumpin' out
on brothers like that.

433
00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:03,554
You'll get knocked
the fuck out every time.

434
00:22:03,556 --> 00:22:06,390
It was supposed to be a joke!
You okay?

435
00:22:06,392 --> 00:22:07,925
'Cause I fucked you up!

436
00:22:07,927 --> 00:22:10,094
Like, I hit you with
the force,
like with the follow-through.

437
00:22:10,096 --> 00:22:12,930
I wanna instant replay
that shit. Damn!

438
00:22:12,932 --> 00:22:14,732
'Cause you got froze.
You went...

439
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:25,543
"Please help me."

440
00:22:27,045 --> 00:22:28,846
God, I hope this works.

441
00:22:30,882 --> 00:22:32,583
What is that thing?

442
00:22:34,886 --> 00:22:36,620
That is not human.

443
00:22:49,735 --> 00:22:51,102
That was weird.

444
00:23:24,102 --> 00:23:25,403
A-ha!

445
00:23:25,405 --> 00:23:26,604
I caught your ass!

446
00:23:26,606 --> 00:23:28,072
<i> No, you didn't.</i>

447
00:23:28,074 --> 00:23:29,807
Oh, shit!

448
00:23:41,653 --> 00:23:45,956
 <i> Becky...</i>
<i> It's your box.</i>

449
00:23:45,958 --> 00:23:47,792
What?

450
00:23:47,794 --> 00:23:51,495
<i> I want you to touch me.</i>

451
00:23:51,963 --> 00:23:53,164
Mmm.

452
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:56,867
Okay.

453
00:23:59,971 --> 00:24:02,773
<i> Not that box.</i>

454
00:24:09,114 --> 00:24:11,615
You know I love you
and those kids, right?
Yeah.

455
00:24:11,617 --> 00:24:13,484
And I'm gonna do
everything in my power to
keep you guys protected.

456
00:24:13,486 --> 00:24:14,819
Yeah.

457
00:24:17,489 --> 00:24:19,824
What was that?
What?

458
00:24:20,993 --> 00:24:24,161
That!
The wind?

459
00:24:24,163 --> 00:24:28,032
Nigga, the windows
are closed! Okay?

460
00:24:28,034 --> 00:24:30,134
I'm tellin' you,
that was either
a ghost or a demon.

461
00:24:30,136 --> 00:24:32,069
Or maybe it was a demon
pregnant with a ghost.

462
00:24:33,839 --> 00:24:36,707
Oh, this is cute!

463
00:24:36,709 --> 00:24:40,110
I will so wear this,
all day, every day.

464
00:24:41,714 --> 00:24:45,716
Why the fuck
are you excited?
It's a burglar!

465
00:24:45,718 --> 00:24:47,718
Either way it goes,
it's some scary shit!

466
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:49,753
Okay,
not all burglars are scary.

467
00:24:49,755 --> 00:24:52,189
It is a burglar or a ghost!
If you talk to him,
he'll leave.

468
00:24:52,191 --> 00:24:55,059
You shoot it in the face!
If you talk to him,
he'll leave.

469
00:24:55,061 --> 00:24:57,561
And if the motherfucker's
foot do this, you shoot him
in the face again!

470
00:24:57,563 --> 00:25:00,197
That is way too harsh.
What're you gonna do?

471
00:25:00,199 --> 00:25:02,566
I know what I'm gonna do.
What're you gonna do?

472
00:25:02,869 --> 00:25:06,003
You are not allowed
to shoot anyone
in the face, mister!

473
00:25:17,048 --> 00:25:18,883
Becky?

474
00:25:18,885 --> 00:25:21,919
What in the...
Becky! Oh, God!

475
00:25:21,921 --> 00:25:24,655
Becky! Becky!

476
00:25:25,156 --> 00:25:27,124
Megan!
Oh, my God!

477
00:25:27,126 --> 00:25:29,860
Get me somethin',
Megan! Becky!

478
00:25:36,302 --> 00:25:40,170
That shit's gross.
That fuckin' sound,
it bothers me.

479
00:25:40,172 --> 00:25:41,672
Gimme!

480
00:25:47,712 --> 00:25:49,213
Oh!

481
00:25:49,215 --> 00:25:50,714
That's all I got!
Okay, gimme!

482
00:25:54,953 --> 00:25:58,055
Get that thing outta here!
I got an idea!

483
00:25:58,057 --> 00:26:02,593
Come on! Bitch,
why ain't you movin'? Fuck!

484
00:26:02,595 --> 00:26:04,962
See, now this
is a good idea.

485
00:26:06,097 --> 00:26:08,098
All right.
Goodnight, Becky.

486
00:26:09,634 --> 00:26:10,968
 Night, sweetheart.


487
00:26:18,210 --> 00:26:20,277
Havin' a tea party.
Oh.

488
00:26:20,279 --> 00:26:22,813
You wanna go outside
and do somethin'
a little bit more masculine?

489
00:26:22,815 --> 00:26:26,216
Like play some football?
No, not really.

490
00:26:28,653 --> 00:26:30,888
Hey, don't sit there!
That's Tony's seat!

491
00:26:30,890 --> 00:26:32,656
 Oh, sorry.

492
00:26:32,658 --> 00:26:35,192
My bad, Tony.

493
00:26:35,194 --> 00:26:39,630
Tony says, "no problem,
bee-yotch." Want some tea?

494
00:26:39,632 --> 00:26:43,167
Uh... yeah. Sure.

495
00:26:43,169 --> 00:26:48,706
Um, you know, Wyatt,
about your little buddy, Tony.

496
00:26:48,708 --> 00:26:52,710
I don't think he's
such a good influence
on you, know what I mean?

497
00:26:55,347 --> 00:26:59,083
What the...
That's straight vodka!
Tony calls it tea.

498
00:27:00,685 --> 00:27:03,220
He drinks a lot of tea.

499
00:27:03,222 --> 00:27:06,090
I really think you guys
need to stop this friendship.

500
00:27:06,092 --> 00:27:07,891
Tony doesn't think
that's such a good idea.

501
00:27:07,893 --> 00:27:10,361
You know what,
you tell Tony

502
00:27:10,363 --> 00:27:14,031
that I said you and him
ain't gonna be friends
no more, and that's final!

503
00:27:16,836 --> 00:27:20,638
On second thought,
you and Tony have
a beautiful friendship.

504
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:24,842
Okay, I'll be downstairs
doin' somethin' with
less spooky shit. 

505
00:27:24,844 --> 00:27:28,178
This isn't good.
It's happening again.

506
00:27:28,180 --> 00:27:30,648
It's really fuckin' happening.

507
00:27:32,018 --> 00:27:33,817
 What the fuck?

508
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:36,987
Who is it?

509
00:27:45,697 --> 00:27:47,031
Hello?

510
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,268
That's a spooky knock.

511
00:27:53,038 --> 00:27:55,105
Oh, you better run!

512
00:27:55,107 --> 00:27:57,107
Knock on my door,
come out there and slap you...


513
00:27:58,210 --> 00:27:59,843
What the fuck!

514
00:28:00,378 --> 00:28:02,012
I got a knife!

515
00:28:10,288 --> 00:28:11,789
What the...

516
00:28:14,392 --> 00:28:17,361
"Miss me?" Abigail!

517
00:28:20,865 --> 00:28:24,468
Oh, hell no!
Look, we gotta talk.

518
00:28:24,470 --> 00:28:28,272
This is a mistake, okay?
This shit gotta stop.
It's gone too far.

519
00:28:28,274 --> 00:28:32,476
You see this? "Miss me?"
In the house with Megan,
are you fuckin' crazy?

520
00:28:32,478 --> 00:28:36,714
I take full responsibility,
all right? This is my bad.

521
00:28:36,716 --> 00:28:39,416
I don't mean to sound cliched.
It's not you, it's me.

522
00:28:39,418 --> 00:28:41,251
Don't play fuckin'
innocent with me,

523
00:28:41,253 --> 00:28:42,886
you knew I had a girl!

524
00:28:42,888 --> 00:28:44,488
I'm just being
selfish right now.

525
00:28:44,490 --> 00:28:47,124
I would love to have you
and Megan and...

526
00:28:47,126 --> 00:28:48,926
To be honest with you,
my stuffed animals.

527
00:28:48,928 --> 00:28:50,494
I'd like to bring them
in the mix.

528
00:28:50,496 --> 00:28:52,196
I'm tryin'
to make this work.

529
00:28:52,198 --> 00:28:54,131
You're just not
makin' it easy.

530
00:28:55,166 --> 00:28:57,401
I swear to... ah! Fuck!

531
00:28:59,939 --> 00:29:02,873
You see what you made me do?
Only you do this to me!

532
00:29:02,875 --> 00:29:06,477
Fuckin' crazy! Oh, you lucky
my momma told me
don't hit bitches!

533
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:10,380
Fuckin' yeah, bitch.

534
00:29:13,084 --> 00:29:14,284
True enough.

535
00:29:16,821 --> 00:29:20,390
Fuck, you scare my...
I didn't touch you!
I didn't touch you!

536
00:29:20,392 --> 00:29:23,327
You get outta my life,
I'll get outta yours.
I'm done.

537
00:29:29,134 --> 00:29:31,301
Make no mistake.

538
00:29:31,303 --> 00:29:34,338
After this, it's over.

539
00:29:34,340 --> 00:29:36,840
You ready to go again? Yeah.

540
00:29:42,781 --> 00:29:44,314
<i> Hello, Malcolm?</i>

541
00:29:44,316 --> 00:29:46,483
Hey, hey, Professor wilde,
how you doing?

542
00:29:46,485 --> 00:29:48,085
Malcolm, I'm glad
you reached out.

543
00:29:48,087 --> 00:29:49,853
What exactly
am I dealing with here?

544
00:29:49,855 --> 00:29:52,256
<i> Well, the being</i>
<i> you described to me</i>

545
00:29:52,258 --> 00:29:53,857
is a demon.

546
00:29:53,859 --> 00:29:54,992
<i> Fuck, I knew it!</i>

547
00:29:54,994 --> 00:29:56,794
A rare and obscure one

548
00:29:56,796 --> 00:29:59,229
from babylonian times
named aghoul.

549
00:30:00,098 --> 00:30:01,865
<i> And he's a trickster!</i>

550
00:30:01,867 --> 00:30:05,035
And chances are this is
not your first encounter
with this demon.

551
00:30:05,037 --> 00:30:08,038
Have you had paranormal
experiences in your past?

552
00:30:08,040 --> 00:30:10,207
Actually, yeah.
About a year ago.

553
00:30:10,209 --> 00:30:13,410
This is way worse
than I had thought...

554
00:30:14,947 --> 00:30:17,481
Oh, shit!
Oh, fuck!

555
00:30:17,483 --> 00:30:19,550
Ah!

556
00:30:19,552 --> 00:30:22,052
Nigga, I thought somebody
was shootin'!
Thai food!

557
00:30:22,054 --> 00:30:25,189
It's spicy going in,
but it's twice as spicy
going out!

558
00:30:25,191 --> 00:30:27,024
That's scientifically
impossible!

559
00:30:27,026 --> 00:30:30,260
I smell you in here!
What in the hell?

560
00:30:30,262 --> 00:30:31,862
Ah, excuse me.


561
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,100
I hire based on skill level.

562
00:30:37,102 --> 00:30:38,535
Are those titties?

563
00:30:38,537 --> 00:30:41,872
<i> we're making meth,</i>
<i> not baby aspirin.</i>

564
00:30:41,874 --> 00:30:45,375
All the stories revolve around
aghoul's attempts

565
00:30:45,377 --> 00:30:48,579
to trick people into
bringing him into our world

566
00:30:48,581 --> 00:30:51,014
and it can come through
the form of a possession,

567
00:30:51,016 --> 00:30:52,916
a spirit that
only a child can see

568
00:30:52,918 --> 00:30:57,154
or an ancient object that
lures in the impressionable.

569
00:30:57,156 --> 00:30:59,857
So what you're saying is,
something is coming after me
and my family.

570
00:30:59,859 --> 00:31:01,458
<i> Malcolm, that's exactly</i>
<i> what I'm saying.</i>

571
00:31:01,460 --> 00:31:03,560
Damn it, Jessica,
you've got your tit
in the pseudoephedrine!

572
00:31:03,562 --> 00:31:05,128
Sorry, Malcolm.
I wish you good luck.

573
00:31:05,130 --> 00:31:06,463
Gotta get my <i> breaking bad</i> on.

574
00:31:18,943 --> 00:31:21,245
Tonight you drown.

575
00:31:24,482 --> 00:31:25,949
Not again.

576
00:31:29,587 --> 00:31:32,422
Sink. Sink. Sink.

577
00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:36,960
Ruined a perfectly good
leather jacket!

578
00:31:36,962 --> 00:31:40,397
That's it.
Now we drown. Drown!

579
00:31:40,399 --> 00:31:41,565
Drown!

580
00:31:44,403 --> 00:31:46,303
Prepare to meet hell.


581
00:31:47,372 --> 00:31:49,172
Ow! God, that hurt!

582
00:31:52,043 --> 00:31:54,278
My balls.
This isn't over!

583
00:31:55,980 --> 00:31:59,049
<i> Is aghoul the same demon</i>

584
00:31:59,051 --> 00:32:00,083
<i> that possessed Kisha?</i>

585
00:32:02,154 --> 00:32:05,455
<i> When are the Republicans</i>
<i> gonna slip</i>

586
00:32:05,457 --> 00:32:08,091
<i> and call Obama the n-word?</i>

587
00:32:08,093 --> 00:32:12,296
<i> When are they gonna</i>
<i> stop makin'</i> scary movies
<i> without the wayans?</i>

588
00:32:12,298 --> 00:32:13,964
<i> They fuckin' suck!</i>


589
00:32:22,307 --> 00:32:24,374
 What the hell?

590
00:32:32,450 --> 00:32:33,583
What the heck...

591
00:32:44,362 --> 00:32:47,164
Steroids, bitch!

592
00:32:58,443 --> 00:33:01,244
You messed with
the wrong nigga today!

593
00:33:01,246 --> 00:33:03,146
 Oh, my God!

594
00:33:05,416 --> 00:33:08,318
Baby, put it down!
What are you doing?

595
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:10,687
I come in the hallway,
this fuckin' creepy box

596
00:33:10,689 --> 00:33:13,223
with some weird
fuckin' lighting on it!

597
00:33:13,225 --> 00:33:16,526
And I knew that it was
death in the box!
So I killed it!

598
00:33:16,528 --> 00:33:18,028
Baby, it was a gift!

599
00:33:18,030 --> 00:33:20,364
But it ain't Christmas.

600
00:33:20,366 --> 00:33:23,233
 Baby, no.
Kwanzaa?

601
00:33:23,235 --> 00:33:25,769
You were so upset
when shiloh junior died

602
00:33:25,771 --> 00:33:28,372
that the kids and I thought
we would get you...

603
00:33:32,678 --> 00:33:34,378
 Don't look. Don't look.

604
00:33:34,380 --> 00:33:37,280
Oh, my God! Wyatt,
go upstairs. Go to your room!

605
00:33:37,282 --> 00:33:39,583
I killed a baby.

606
00:33:39,585 --> 00:33:41,051
 Oh, God,
I think it's still breathing.

607
00:33:41,053 --> 00:33:43,420
You're so fucking crazy.

608
00:33:43,422 --> 00:33:44,755
He's still breathing.

609
00:33:44,757 --> 00:33:46,490
I gotta take him
out of his misery.

610
00:33:46,492 --> 00:33:48,125
I gotta kill him!
 Oh, my God!

611
00:33:49,127 --> 00:33:51,028
No! Malcolm!


612
00:33:59,404 --> 00:34:01,138
Becky?

613
00:34:01,539 --> 00:34:03,273
Yoo-hoo.

614
00:34:03,275 --> 00:34:06,209
All right, let's see
what's in this box now.

615
00:34:06,211 --> 00:34:07,344
Yeah.

616
00:34:09,147 --> 00:34:11,048
 Oh, God! Whoo!

617
00:34:11,616 --> 00:34:13,617
Wow! That is rancid.

618
00:34:13,619 --> 00:34:16,453
What the hell are you doing?
Nothing. Just, uh...

619
00:34:16,455 --> 00:34:18,488
You know your pillows
have blue faces on 'em?

620
00:34:18,490 --> 00:34:19,556
Stay away from my box!

621
00:34:19,558 --> 00:34:21,725
Calm down!
Would you calm down?

622
00:34:21,727 --> 00:34:24,294
I don't wanna calm down,
I want you to stay away
from my box!

623
00:34:24,296 --> 00:34:27,731
Do you have to
say "box" so loud?
What is going on in here?

624
00:34:27,733 --> 00:34:29,366
Nothing.
We just, uh, playin'.

625
00:34:29,368 --> 00:34:31,635
Dolls 'n stuff. 

626
00:34:31,637 --> 00:34:34,204
Malcolm came into my room
and touched my box.

627
00:34:34,206 --> 00:34:36,239
Malcolm, is this true?

628
00:34:36,241 --> 00:34:38,475
Yes, but I only touched it
for like two seconds.

629
00:34:38,477 --> 00:34:40,777
It was stinking!
Like, it was rancid!

630
00:34:40,779 --> 00:34:43,513
Here, smell this. I don't know
how she play with that!

631
00:34:43,515 --> 00:34:46,783
He had two fingers
in my tight little box, mom.

632
00:34:46,785 --> 00:34:48,518
Stop lyin'.
It is...

633
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:51,321
Baby, there's nothin'
tight about her box.

634
00:34:51,323 --> 00:34:54,191
It's fuckin' huge!
I could put my
whole fist in it.

635
00:34:54,193 --> 00:34:57,427
Like, I almost was
up to here for a second.
It's crazy big.

636
00:34:57,429 --> 00:35:00,630
You said, "no means no!"
And that is exactly
what I said. I said, "no!"

637
00:35:00,632 --> 00:35:04,634
Time the fuck out.
Hold up.


638
00:35:04,636 --> 00:35:07,571
She's trying to
<i> dateline special</i> a nigga!

639
00:35:07,573 --> 00:35:09,806
Where's Chris Hansen?
Chris! Chris!

640
00:35:09,808 --> 00:35:11,808
Chris, come on, I know you
out here somewhere!

641
00:35:11,810 --> 00:35:14,511
I know he's in here somewhere.
You tryin' to set a nigga up!

642
00:35:14,513 --> 00:35:16,446
Can I talk to you
for a second?
Right now.

643
00:35:16,448 --> 00:35:17,514
There's something
really strange

644
00:35:17,516 --> 00:35:21,351
Wyatt? Wyatt, see,
Wyatt used to be my boy.

645
00:35:21,353 --> 00:35:24,387
Like that was my lil' nigga,
like we was like, boom, boom.

646
00:35:24,389 --> 00:35:27,124
When my dog died,
that lil' nigga held me down!

647
00:35:27,126 --> 00:35:29,626
But lately, he hasn't even
talked to me! Like,
he won't even play with me!

648
00:35:29,628 --> 00:35:31,194
His little imaginary friend,
Tony?

649
00:35:31,196 --> 00:35:32,496
I don't think he's really...

650
00:35:34,433 --> 00:35:37,334
 You're crazy, Tony.
...Imaginary.

651
00:35:37,336 --> 00:35:38,502
Did you see that shit?

652
00:35:38,504 --> 00:35:40,670
Look! You missed it!

653
00:35:40,672 --> 00:35:43,640
Okay, look, forget him. Becky.

654
00:35:43,642 --> 00:35:46,910
There's something in that
old box she carries around
that's making her go crazy!

655
00:35:46,912 --> 00:35:48,778
She sleeps with it,
she eats with it,

656
00:35:48,780 --> 00:35:50,714
she even goes
to the bathroom with it!

657
00:35:50,716 --> 00:35:54,551
Who takes a shit
with a box in their hand?
It's fuckin' weird!

658
00:35:54,553 --> 00:35:58,288
And by "weird" you mean
I'm a terrible mother.

659
00:35:58,290 --> 00:36:01,424
What? No. Wait.
Where did you go?
Hold on. Hold on a minute.

660
00:36:01,426 --> 00:36:03,727
If you were just
a little bit less judgmental,

661
00:36:03,729 --> 00:36:06,596
she wouldn't feel like
she needs to carry her
pain around in a "box"!

662
00:36:06,598 --> 00:36:09,699
This is not about me!
It is always about you,
Malcolm!

663
00:36:09,701 --> 00:36:12,235
"You're too fat,
you're a terrible parent,

664
00:36:12,237 --> 00:36:13,870
"you like black guys 'cause
they have bigger cocks!"

665
00:36:13,872 --> 00:36:17,574
That sounds like you!
Do you see this?

666
00:36:17,576 --> 00:36:22,312
That's not fuckin' normal!
Okay, she is just trying
to get attention!

667
00:36:22,314 --> 00:36:26,416
When she was a baby,
she would cry and cry and cry
all damn day in her crib

668
00:36:26,418 --> 00:36:29,586
until finally she realized
I wasn't gonna come
and pick her up!

669
00:36:29,588 --> 00:36:32,789
If you were a parent
you'd know it's called the
"cry it out method," Malcolm!

670
00:36:32,791 --> 00:36:35,425
Just pick the little bitch up!

671
00:36:35,427 --> 00:36:38,728
She needs to learn
to self-soothe.
See what I'm saying?

672
00:36:38,730 --> 00:36:43,400
That is called parenting.
Wow! Mother of the year.

673
00:36:43,402 --> 00:36:45,702
Thank you.

674
00:36:45,704 --> 00:36:48,672
That crazy doll keyed my car!

675
00:36:48,674 --> 00:36:51,975
 Whoo! Bro,
somebody fucked your car up!

676
00:36:51,977 --> 00:36:53,910
Yeah. You wouldn't know
anybody with an auto body
shop, would you?

677
00:36:53,912 --> 00:36:58,448
Why, contrary to popular
belief, all Mexicans
don't have body shops, man.

678
00:36:58,450 --> 00:36:59,649
What, you think
we all have low riders

679
00:36:59,651 --> 00:37:00,951
with a bunch
of primer all over it

680
00:37:00,953 --> 00:37:02,219
with a frickin' Mexican horn?

681
00:37:02,221 --> 00:37:03,520
You think I have like six kids

682
00:37:03,522 --> 00:37:04,821
and all my relatives
livin' there, huh?

683
00:37:04,823 --> 00:37:06,389
Probably chase chihuahuas
and make burritos,

684
00:37:06,391 --> 00:37:07,457
is that what you think?
Dude...

685
00:37:07,459 --> 00:37:08,758
Look at the neighborhood, man!

686
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:09,926
I didn't think any of that!

687
00:37:09,928 --> 00:37:11,695
I just want my
fuckin' car fixed!

688
00:37:11,697 --> 00:37:14,464
 I'm just
fuckin' with you, bro!

689
00:37:14,466 --> 00:37:16,433
You're so easy, man.
Oh, shit.

690
00:37:16,435 --> 00:37:18,935
Man, I got a cousin,
his name is chucho,
he can hook all that shit up.

691
00:37:18,937 --> 00:37:20,704
Stop fuckin' with
the crazy bitches, man.

692
00:37:20,706 --> 00:37:22,772
I gotta go,
I got the family waiting.
All right? Be good, man!

693
00:37:22,774 --> 00:37:25,242
Where did she go?

694
00:37:26,578 --> 00:37:28,979
Take it easy, <i> vato!</i>
Malcolm: Where you goin'?

695
00:37:28,981 --> 00:37:31,448
Goin' to the swap meet.
We're gonna get
some chihuahuas.

696
00:37:31,450 --> 00:37:33,383
 Wow.
Now that's racist!

697
00:37:34,986 --> 00:37:37,420
 So I moved into
the house across the street

698
00:37:37,422 --> 00:37:38,989
and I just love it.

699
00:37:38,991 --> 00:37:41,725
The streets are so quiet.
It's perfect for a haunting.

700
00:37:43,829 --> 00:37:46,997
You know something,
I never got your name.

701
00:37:46,999 --> 00:37:50,500
Kisha? What in the fuck!

702
00:37:50,502 --> 00:37:53,670
You two know each other?
Oh. Well, yeah.

703
00:37:53,672 --> 00:37:58,608
You know the boyfriend
that I told you abandoned me
and left me in a ditch to die?

704
00:37:58,610 --> 00:38:00,310
That's him.


705
00:38:01,812 --> 00:38:04,981
Awkward!
Yeah!

706
00:38:04,983 --> 00:38:07,817
I think I'll let you two
have at it.

707
00:38:07,819 --> 00:38:10,987
And thank you so much, Megan,
for the coffee, really.

708
00:38:10,989 --> 00:38:14,557
And, Malcolm,
it was great seeing you.

709
00:38:15,694 --> 00:38:17,694
See you around, Malcolm.

710
00:38:17,962 --> 00:38:19,362
Um...

711
00:38:20,331 --> 00:38:22,632
Really?

712
00:38:22,634 --> 00:38:25,535
How come you never
told me about her?

713
00:38:25,537 --> 00:38:28,038
Well, it was just
a time in my life
I just wanted to forget.

714
00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:30,840
Okay, well you need to
start remembering.
She was fucking beautiful!

715
00:38:30,842 --> 00:38:34,010
She was aight.
"Aight"?

716
00:38:34,012 --> 00:38:36,846
I mean, she got nice legs.
Legs.

717
00:38:36,848 --> 00:38:41,718
Little ass, but...
Ass. How 'bout all this?

718
00:38:41,720 --> 00:38:45,021
It's fuckable.
Okay? But that's the...
It's all this...

719
00:38:45,023 --> 00:38:48,892
She's crazy!
She was crazy, baby,
like she was possessed!

720
00:38:48,894 --> 00:38:51,861
You mean she was possessive.
No, the bitch was possessed.

721
00:38:51,863 --> 00:38:53,697
What?
Yes!

722
00:38:53,699 --> 00:38:55,999
First of all,
she was verbally abusive.

723
00:38:56,001 --> 00:38:59,903
<i> Eat your mother's pussy</i>
<i> you fucking fuck!</i>

724
00:38:59,905 --> 00:39:00,970
 Okay.

725
00:39:02,574 --> 00:39:04,841
I don't know.
It was like she gave up.

726
00:39:04,843 --> 00:39:07,043
Eventually I was able to
drag her to couples' therapy.

727
00:39:07,045 --> 00:39:09,045
Well, Dr. rousch,
me and my girlfriend,

728
00:39:09,047 --> 00:39:11,581
we're kinda goin' through
a little rough patch.

729
00:39:11,583 --> 00:39:13,516
I mean, she won't
communicate with me.

730
00:39:13,518 --> 00:39:15,919
No matter what I do,
she just sits there.

731
00:39:17,589 --> 00:39:21,091
Okay, and she'll growl
a little bit.
Yes, I can hear that.

732
00:39:21,093 --> 00:39:25,095
And the smallest things
just set her off.
Like crucifixes, or questions.

733
00:39:25,097 --> 00:39:27,464
Is that right, Kisha?

734
00:39:30,768 --> 00:39:32,135
You got a prescription
for "crazy bitch"?

735
00:39:32,137 --> 00:39:35,071
Malcolm, I'm so sorry.

736
00:39:35,073 --> 00:39:40,610
It sounds horrible.
Well, it wasn't all bad.

737
00:39:40,612 --> 00:39:43,980
Wait, I'm gonna come.
<i> Shut up,</i>
<i> you sound like a bitch!</i>

738
00:39:43,982 --> 00:39:45,782
Oh!


739
00:39:45,784 --> 00:39:47,984
I think you just
knocked out a tooth!

740
00:39:49,888 --> 00:39:52,589
Whose ass is this, huh?
Whose ass is this?

741
00:39:52,591 --> 00:39:54,657
<i> The devil's!</i>


742
00:39:56,794 --> 00:39:58,928
See, now you just
made it weird.

743
00:39:58,930 --> 00:40:01,931
Look at me,
God damn it!

744
00:40:04,635 --> 00:40:07,504
Oh, my God,
that was awesome!

745
00:40:08,773 --> 00:40:12,642
Baby, you're makin'
my toes do this.

746
00:40:12,644 --> 00:40:14,611
You're makin'
my toes do this.

747
00:40:14,613 --> 00:40:15,979
Really, Malcolm?

748
00:40:15,981 --> 00:40:19,115
You know what they say
about the crazy ones.

749
00:40:19,117 --> 00:40:21,718
What? Too soon?


750
00:40:27,858 --> 00:40:30,460
There's something
goin' on with this box.

751
00:40:30,462 --> 00:40:32,529
I'm gonna get
to the bottom of this.

752
00:40:33,664 --> 00:40:36,466
What the heck
is this little pervert doing?

753
00:40:36,468 --> 00:40:37,667
Ah!

754
00:40:37,669 --> 00:40:41,538
Oh, dude, that is just weird!

755
00:40:43,208 --> 00:40:44,774
Oh, really? 

756
00:40:46,110 --> 00:40:47,744
Oh, wow.

757
00:40:47,746 --> 00:40:51,681
What kind of sweet
tooth fairy is this?

758
00:40:51,683 --> 00:40:53,950
This nigga need a daddy.
 <i> "Dear diary.</i>

759
00:40:53,952 --> 00:40:56,686
"I lost my virginity
to Joey today.

760
00:40:56,688 --> 00:40:58,822
"Actually,
that's not totally true.

761
00:40:58,824 --> 00:41:03,827
"I mean, I've only
had sex with 17 guys

762
00:41:03,829 --> 00:41:06,196
"but only in the butt,
so it doesn't count.

763
00:41:08,133 --> 00:41:10,967
"I mean, I've sucked
a lot of dicks, diary.

764
00:41:10,969 --> 00:41:13,870
"I stopped counting
after the blowjob party
at Ashley's house.

765
00:41:13,872 --> 00:41:15,939
"There must've been
30 or 40 guys there."

766
00:41:15,941 --> 00:41:19,075
She ain't got no bone
in her neck.
She got that plastic man.

767
00:41:19,077 --> 00:41:23,079
"Ps: Diary, I'll never
stop sucking dicks. Ever!"

768
00:41:23,081 --> 00:41:23,980
Wow.

769
00:41:26,851 --> 00:41:28,017
 Oh,
would you look there?

770
00:41:28,019 --> 00:41:30,720
A mood ring.
So, what mood is that?

771
00:41:30,722 --> 00:41:32,222
It's called,
"you're not my father."

772
00:41:32,224 --> 00:41:34,224
Oh, yeah, that's bitchy
lil' white teenager.

773
00:41:34,226 --> 00:41:37,160
See, that'll get you slapped
in most black neighborhoods.

774
00:41:40,998 --> 00:41:42,899
Are you okay?

775
00:41:44,201 --> 00:41:45,935
Becky? Hey.

776
00:41:46,604 --> 00:41:47,937
 Ouch!

777
00:41:50,140 --> 00:41:53,076
 Ugh.

778
00:41:53,078 --> 00:41:56,246
That is some serious
meat-mouth you got
goin' on there.

779
00:41:56,248 --> 00:42:00,750
It's easier going down
than it is coming up.
Yeah, it's weird.

780
00:42:01,886 --> 00:42:04,220
Breath smell like sirloin.

781
00:42:04,222 --> 00:42:06,956
I hope that hole cold
ain't contagious.

782
00:42:09,628 --> 00:42:12,595
Professor,
it's kinda loud there. Um...

783
00:42:12,597 --> 00:42:13,863
Did I catch you at a bad time?

784
00:42:16,101 --> 00:42:19,168
Indica? I'm a sativa man.
I got important shit to do!

785
00:42:19,170 --> 00:42:22,105
Hold on! I'm at a party.

786
00:42:22,107 --> 00:42:23,940
<i> I need some of my medicine.</i>

787
00:42:27,279 --> 00:42:30,547
Professor! How do I
get rid of the demon?

788
00:42:31,816 --> 00:42:33,883
Professor! Professor!

789
00:42:33,885 --> 00:42:35,852
Malcolm, that demon's
tryin' to get to you

790
00:42:35,854 --> 00:42:37,887
through your family
and he's not gonna stop!

791
00:42:37,889 --> 00:42:39,622
You've got the
paranormal equivalent of

792
00:42:39,624 --> 00:42:40,590
a perfect storm, my friend!

793
00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:43,760
Oh, shit! The po-po!

794
00:42:43,762 --> 00:42:45,228
Professor, please!
What's goin' on?

795
00:42:45,230 --> 00:42:46,729
I got 12 ounces
of crystal meth

796
00:42:46,731 --> 00:42:47,931
jammed up my anus.
I gotta get outta here!

797
00:42:47,933 --> 00:42:50,166
Police!
Oh, fuck!

798
00:42:50,168 --> 00:42:52,569
Professor! Professor, please!

799
00:42:52,571 --> 00:42:55,271
Hands up now!
I can't go back in!

800
00:42:55,273 --> 00:42:58,074
Professor! How do I
get rid of the demon?

801
00:42:59,311 --> 00:43:01,110
Oh, fuck.

802
00:43:01,112 --> 00:43:03,913
You're under arrest!
You on the screen, freeze!

803
00:43:08,852 --> 00:43:10,219
 Hey, knothead!

804
00:43:10,221 --> 00:43:13,957
Oh, no, not my favorite shirt.
That bitch.

805
00:43:13,959 --> 00:43:15,692
What the...

806
00:43:16,827 --> 00:43:19,996
Oh, my God!
Are you fucking kidding me?

807
00:43:19,998 --> 00:43:21,898
No, no, no!
Not my clothes! No!

808
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:23,666
Phew.

809
00:43:26,203 --> 00:43:28,838
Oh! Shit!

810
00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:32,141
This crazy wooden bitch!
She's burning my clothes!

811
00:43:32,143 --> 00:43:35,845
Oh, my God!
It's <i> fatal attraction.</i>

812
00:43:35,847 --> 00:43:38,247
She's gonna boil a rabbit!
She's gonna boil a rabbit!

813
00:43:40,852 --> 00:43:42,819
Can I get you
something to drink?
Sure, man.

814
00:43:42,821 --> 00:43:44,220
Tequila?
Really, bro?

815
00:43:44,222 --> 00:43:46,022
What, you bring
the Mexican into your house

816
00:43:46,024 --> 00:43:48,725
and, "he must want Tequila,
we should give him Tequila.

817
00:43:48,727 --> 00:43:52,161
"I'm glad he parked his <i> burro</i>
so now I can offer him
some of his beverage."

818
00:43:52,163 --> 00:43:56,332
I should've walked in here
with a serape and a sombrero
for you, too, huh?

819
00:43:56,334 --> 00:43:57,934
That's what you wanted
really, wasn't it?

820
00:43:57,936 --> 00:43:59,302
You get me all worked up, man!

821
00:43:59,304 --> 00:44:02,271
Look, I could use a drink now.

822
00:44:02,273 --> 00:44:04,340
What kind of Tequila is it?
Is it silver?

823
00:44:04,342 --> 00:44:07,210
'Cause I can't drink that
gold shit. That's for <i> cholos.</i>

824
00:44:07,212 --> 00:44:09,345
Thank you, man.
It's nice, man.
We're becomin' friends, right?

825
00:44:09,347 --> 00:44:11,848
Uh, now we are.


826
00:44:11,850 --> 00:44:13,983
I could trust you
with things, right?

827
00:44:13,985 --> 00:44:17,320
I'm good at that shit.
The neighbors next door to me

828
00:44:17,322 --> 00:44:19,188
don't even know there's
a black guy living here yet.

829
00:44:19,190 --> 00:44:22,058
So, what do you
wanna talk about?
Um...

830
00:44:22,060 --> 00:44:24,761
Okay, you know the people
that lived in this house
before me?

831
00:44:24,763 --> 00:44:26,763
Mmm-hmm.

832
00:44:26,765 --> 00:44:29,866
Was there anything strange
goin' on, like were they
actin' weird or anything?

833
00:44:29,868 --> 00:44:33,903
You saw something a little...

834
00:44:33,905 --> 00:44:37,774
Spooky or supernatural?
I seen some shit.

835
00:44:37,776 --> 00:44:39,742
Come on, man,
you don't believe in that,
do you?

836
00:44:39,744 --> 00:44:41,144
'Cause if you did, you know,
you'd have been like,

837
00:44:41,146 --> 00:44:43,346
"nigger, I'm out!
The deuces."

838
00:44:43,348 --> 00:44:45,348
You mean to tell me
you don't believe
in the paranormal?

839
00:44:45,350 --> 00:44:48,918
Of course I believe
in that shit!
I'm half Mexican, bro!

840
00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:51,120
I believe in all that shit
people don't believe in.

841
00:44:51,122 --> 00:44:56,893
Freakin' <i> LA llorona,</i>
<i> El cucuy, chupacabra,</i>
bigfoot, obamacare.

842
00:44:56,895 --> 00:44:59,028
Interracial dating.
Nuclear war.

843
00:44:59,030 --> 00:45:03,700
You name it, I'm all for it.
Me personally, I wouldn't
stay one night in this house.

844
00:45:03,702 --> 00:45:07,270
Shit!
Look, I'm gonna be
honest with you, bro.

845
00:45:07,272 --> 00:45:10,440
When I first found out that
there was a black guy
movin' in the neighborhood,

846
00:45:10,442 --> 00:45:11,841
I was like, 

847
00:45:11,843 --> 00:45:13,810
"There goes
the property value.

848
00:45:13,812 --> 00:45:16,746
"I'm gonna have to
keep the kids inside,
there's gonna be gangs,

849
00:45:16,748 --> 00:45:19,949
"I'm gonna have to
cover up graffiti,"
but you turned out to be okay.

850
00:45:19,951 --> 00:45:23,986
You're really cool!
You're very accommodating.
I think I can help you.

851
00:45:23,988 --> 00:45:25,221
Really?

852
00:45:26,324 --> 00:45:28,458
I need you to
cut the chicken's neck.

853
00:45:28,460 --> 00:45:32,128
Oh, hell fuckin' no!
You wanna get rid
of the demon or not?

854
00:45:32,130 --> 00:45:35,031
I know, but can't we just
go down to the store
and just like, buy a chicken?

855
00:45:35,033 --> 00:45:38,201
No, man!
You need a blood sacrifice.

856
00:45:38,203 --> 00:45:41,137
Right. Come here.
Let's do it.

857
00:45:41,139 --> 00:45:43,239
Hold on!
Hold up, wait a second!
Let me get my shit together.

858
00:45:43,241 --> 00:45:47,110
You gonna shit in
my baby's cereal,
chicken?

859
00:45:47,112 --> 00:45:50,480
You wanna piss on my momma?
In her face?

860
00:45:54,085 --> 00:45:55,351
 I'll fuck...
Don't you...

861
00:45:58,122 --> 00:46:00,323
Where did you get
this chicken?
Your Uncle's farm?

862
00:46:00,325 --> 00:46:02,358
No! A cock fighting ring.

863
00:46:02,360 --> 00:46:03,426
That's a dead motherfucker.

864
00:46:13,338 --> 00:46:15,338
Whassup, chicken?
You scared? Whassup?

865
00:46:15,340 --> 00:46:17,473
You don't want none of this,
motherfucker!

866
00:46:18,843 --> 00:46:21,144
 Oh, shit!


867
00:46:21,146 --> 00:46:23,246
Bite him back, Malcolm!
Bite him back!

868
00:46:28,786 --> 00:46:31,120
Drown, bitch!
I'm gonna kill you.

869
00:46:33,323 --> 00:46:36,893
Watch what I do
to your fuckin' baby!


870
00:46:39,164 --> 00:46:41,798
 What you doin', man?
What'd you do?

871
00:46:45,068 --> 00:46:46,369
This <i> pollo</i> is <i> loco!</i>

872
00:46:52,543 --> 00:46:54,110
You got him,
Malcolm! That's right!

873
00:46:54,112 --> 00:46:57,980
Yeah, you fucked
that chicken.

874
00:46:58,916 --> 00:47:00,016
Malcolm...

875
00:47:04,321 --> 00:47:05,855
Yeah!

876
00:47:05,857 --> 00:47:08,524
You about to go to
that great bucket in the sky!

877
00:47:08,526 --> 00:47:10,860
Tell the colonel I said hi!

878
00:47:14,966 --> 00:47:19,202
That was like an intense-ass
game of <i> angry birds,</i> man!

879
00:47:19,204 --> 00:47:22,271
Fuck, bro, you did it!
I think this house is clean!

880
00:47:22,273 --> 00:47:24,540
Well, maybe not clean,
but the demon's gone for sure.

881
00:47:24,542 --> 00:47:27,543
What the hell are we gonna do
with all this chicken,
Malcolm?

882
00:47:27,545 --> 00:47:29,612
Oh, yeah, ask the black guy.

883
00:47:31,416 --> 00:47:33,883
Mmm-hmm.
Mmm. Hey.

884
00:47:33,885 --> 00:47:35,451
Cheers.
Right on!

885
00:47:39,257 --> 00:47:41,457
What in the fuck?

886
00:47:44,394 --> 00:47:47,396
You! This ends now!

887
00:47:47,398 --> 00:47:51,367
You hear me, you googly-eyed
wooden bitch! Come on!

888
00:47:51,369 --> 00:47:55,371
You're making me
bury your fuckin' ass!

889
00:48:01,078 --> 00:48:02,645
Get in there! 

890
00:48:02,647 --> 00:48:05,248
Die, you stink bitch!

891
00:48:05,250 --> 00:48:08,417
B-I-t...

892
00:48:08,419 --> 00:48:10,286
Fuckin' bitch! 

893
00:48:12,256 --> 00:48:13,890
You want some of this?

894
00:48:17,262 --> 00:48:20,429
All right,
prepare to meet your maker!

895
00:48:20,431 --> 00:48:25,134
That's right, I'm sending
you back to Taiwan!

896
00:48:25,136 --> 00:48:27,270
You smell like piss and shit!

897
00:48:27,272 --> 00:48:29,438
Come on! You make me sick!

898
00:48:33,444 --> 00:48:36,145
You know what brown
can do for me? Take this!

899
00:48:36,147 --> 00:48:38,347
You sign!
Get the fuck outta here!

900
00:48:41,318 --> 00:48:44,153
Oh, see, I tried to do it
the easy way.

901
00:48:44,155 --> 00:48:46,489
Now you're gonna
make me violent.

902
00:48:46,491 --> 00:48:49,392
Come on, you...
Get the fuck over here!
Shut up!

903
00:48:53,163 --> 00:48:55,498
How you like that, bitch?
I want you to watch.

904
00:48:55,500 --> 00:48:58,234
Let's see you write it now!


905
00:48:59,002 --> 00:49:01,537
Miss me? This is fun.

906
00:49:01,539 --> 00:49:04,473
Oh, we about to have
a barbecue.
Get in there.

907
00:49:04,475 --> 00:49:07,143
Yeah! Hey, how you doin'?


908
00:49:07,145 --> 00:49:09,445
You gonna fuckin'
burn today, baby!

909
00:49:12,517 --> 00:49:15,351
That's what fucking
hell feels like!

910
00:49:40,445 --> 00:49:43,245
You fuckin'... fucking die!

911
00:49:43,247 --> 00:49:47,650
I will watch your life
come out of you.
Just die, you little...

912
00:49:47,652 --> 00:49:51,053
I'll fuckin' cut your
goddamn eye out, you bitch!

913
00:49:51,055 --> 00:49:53,489
Malcolm!


914
00:49:53,491 --> 00:49:56,659
Malcolm!
What did you do to our room?
 Say fucking nothing.

915
00:49:56,661 --> 00:49:58,661
Honey, it's not
what it looks like, okay?
Really?

916
00:49:58,663 --> 00:50:00,496
It's not what it looks like.
Really?

917
00:50:00,498 --> 00:50:04,633
Listen, listen to me.
She's crazy!
It's not me, she's crazy!

918
00:50:04,635 --> 00:50:06,435
You're crazy.
No, honey! Megan!

919
00:50:06,437 --> 00:50:08,004
You're crazy.
It's not what it looks like!

920
00:50:08,006 --> 00:50:10,039
Get away from me.
I'm not done with you,

921
00:50:10,041 --> 00:50:11,707
you fuckin' home-wrecker!

922
00:50:12,309 --> 00:50:15,077
God!

923
00:50:15,079 --> 00:50:18,014
See, nobody will
listen to the black guy
till everybody dead!

924
00:50:18,016 --> 00:50:20,116
I see how you lookin' at me.
Let me tell you something.

925
00:50:20,118 --> 00:50:23,019
This house...
This house is haunted.

926
00:50:23,021 --> 00:50:25,521
You know that little doll
that you like so much?
Abigail?

927
00:50:25,523 --> 00:50:28,090
Yeah, well, let me tell you
something about Abigail.
She's alive!

928
00:50:28,092 --> 00:50:30,659
That's right, she's alive!

929
00:50:30,661 --> 00:50:34,530
Not like "alive" alive,
but alive as in
"is possessed."

930
00:50:34,532 --> 00:50:38,034
You know how I know?
'Cause it made me have
sex with it! Repeatedly!

931
00:50:38,036 --> 00:50:41,670
Upstairs, downstairs,
in the kitchen, in the yard!

932
00:50:41,672 --> 00:50:43,472
While you were sleepin'
next to us!

933
00:50:43,474 --> 00:50:45,608
Right there
where you're sitting, twice!

934
00:50:45,610 --> 00:50:48,210
And that's why,
when you came upstairs
and you caught me

935
00:50:48,212 --> 00:50:50,679
and I was killing the doll,
because I was just like,

936
00:50:50,681 --> 00:50:52,348
"you're fuckin' up
my relationship!"

937
00:50:52,350 --> 00:50:55,051
And that box? It's cursed!

938
00:50:55,053 --> 00:50:58,721
That box and that box.
That's haunted with a demon.

939
00:50:58,723 --> 00:51:01,257
That box, cursed with dudes.
But that's a whole
other story.

940
00:51:01,259 --> 00:51:04,360
And your son, his little
imaginary friend that
teaches him curse words

941
00:51:04,362 --> 00:51:06,529
and gets him crunk off vodka!

942
00:51:06,531 --> 00:51:09,098
Yeah, yeah,
I'm blowing your spot,
little man.

943
00:51:09,100 --> 00:51:12,234
Well, he's not so imaginary!
He's cray!

944
00:51:12,236 --> 00:51:14,570
No, no, no.
You cray! You cray-cray!

945
00:51:14,572 --> 00:51:18,107
You and your whole lot
of other ethnic words
that's going out of style.

946
00:51:18,109 --> 00:51:21,377
You ain't funky fresh or dope.
So, how about that, cray-cray?

947
00:51:21,379 --> 00:51:23,712
Mom, he's scaring me.

948
00:51:23,714 --> 00:51:27,249
 Is this the nigga
whose room exploded?

949
00:51:27,251 --> 00:51:30,786
I'm scaring you!
Opie, you something else!

950
00:51:30,788 --> 00:51:35,257
You know what, that's it.
I've had enough of this whole
haunted house craziness!

951
00:51:35,259 --> 00:51:37,626
It's bad enough
that you think it's real,

952
00:51:37,628 --> 00:51:39,295
but now you're
scaring the kids!

953
00:51:39,297 --> 00:51:41,730
I'm scaring the kids!
Yes!

954
00:51:41,732 --> 00:51:44,834
Ain't that the pot
callin' the kettle a nigga!

955
00:51:44,836 --> 00:51:49,605
No, no, no, baby!
Your kids are scaring me!
 Okay?

956
00:51:49,607 --> 00:51:51,874
Look at this one!
She's Marilyn manson
in the skin

957
00:51:51,876 --> 00:51:55,111
and Charlie manson
in the eyes!
Her eyes look crazy, okay?

958
00:51:55,113 --> 00:51:57,413
That's a crazy woman
carrying around a box

959
00:51:57,415 --> 00:51:58,848
like fuckin' Lionel
from the <i> peanuts,</i>

960
00:51:58,850 --> 00:52:00,883
and he's hangin' out
with dead niggas

961
00:52:00,885 --> 00:52:03,886
and I'm crazy?
Oh! So, what am I supposed
to do with all this?

962
00:52:03,888 --> 00:52:06,589
Maybe you weren't ready!
Maybe we moved in too soon.

963
00:52:06,591 --> 00:52:08,624
Maybe you're not
ready for a family!

964
00:52:08,626 --> 00:52:10,593
But we come as
a package deal, okay?

965
00:52:10,595 --> 00:52:12,761
This ain't about you
or them, okay? You...

966
00:52:12,763 --> 00:52:17,133
Oh, shit. No! Hey!
Don't touch that shit!

967
00:52:17,135 --> 00:52:19,335
Don't touch it!
That's a demon ring.

968
00:52:19,337 --> 00:52:21,537
Don't you answer that,
you hear?

969
00:52:21,539 --> 00:52:23,139
That's the devil
callin' right there.

970
00:52:23,141 --> 00:52:25,608
That is an evil ring!
You hear that?

971
00:52:25,610 --> 00:52:27,643
Yeah, I said it,
a demon ring!

972
00:52:27,645 --> 00:52:30,679
And you can insta-tweet
that on your gram-o-vine!

973
00:52:30,681 --> 00:52:32,781
Nobody touch it!

974
00:52:32,783 --> 00:52:34,884
Stop ringing!

975
00:52:37,454 --> 00:52:40,489
Stop ringing! Stop!

976
00:52:44,861 --> 00:52:46,762
Oh, that's a demon callin'.


977
00:52:46,764 --> 00:52:48,497
 Uh, Malcolm?
Your pocket.

978
00:52:51,334 --> 00:52:53,569
Huh. Oh.

979
00:52:53,571 --> 00:52:56,172
We gotta change my ringer.

980
00:52:56,174 --> 00:53:00,776
Why do we even have
home phones anymore?
I mean...

981
00:53:01,946 --> 00:53:04,680
Yeah? Who is it?

982
00:53:04,682 --> 00:53:08,450
What the hell?
Hey, how you doin', officer?
Come on in.

983
00:53:10,353 --> 00:53:12,454
We got a call about
a domestic dispute.

984
00:53:12,456 --> 00:53:13,822
Are you Malcolm Johnson?

985
00:53:13,824 --> 00:53:16,325
Uh, yeah, that's me,
but there's no dispute.

986
00:53:16,327 --> 00:53:17,493
I mean, I threw the phone,
but...

987
00:53:17,495 --> 00:53:19,762
You're under arrest.
Hey! For what?

988
00:53:19,764 --> 00:53:22,698
Oh, my God!
Just raised my voice
a little bit!

989
00:53:22,700 --> 00:53:24,867
Malcolm, our phone is broken.
I know what...

990
00:53:24,869 --> 00:53:27,870
It's the doll! It's the doll!
It was the doll, brother,
listen!

991
00:53:27,872 --> 00:53:29,371
This is all
a misunderstanding.

992
00:53:29,373 --> 00:53:30,673
It was this doll. I was
fuckin' this doll, right?

993
00:53:30,675 --> 00:53:32,741
He's on pcp.
Let's take him.
No, I'm not on pcp!

994
00:53:32,743 --> 00:53:34,276
 You fuckin' bitch!


995
00:53:34,278 --> 00:53:35,411
You fuckin' bitch!

996
00:53:35,413 --> 00:53:36,712
You fuckin' bitch!


997
00:53:36,714 --> 00:53:38,781
Malcolm, maybe
this is for the best.

998
00:54:20,857 --> 00:54:23,692
Can't escape my wrath,
for I am death.

999
00:54:28,265 --> 00:54:31,767
Now you burn. Fire.

1000
00:54:38,775 --> 00:54:39,742
Help!

1001
00:55:05,935 --> 00:55:07,970
What is...

1002
00:55:09,906 --> 00:55:11,807
Malcolm?

1003
00:55:18,782 --> 00:55:20,516
Malcolm?
Mmm...

1004
00:55:21,619 --> 00:55:23,952
Damn, son,
you look fucked up!

1005
00:55:23,954 --> 00:55:27,723
Don't look at me.
Don't look at me!

1006
00:55:27,725 --> 00:55:31,327
Mom, your man's in here pukin'
like a little bitch!

1007
00:55:31,329 --> 00:55:32,461
See that shit, Tony?

1008
00:55:36,966 --> 00:55:40,636
Sometimes the victim
may be tormented
by more than one demon.

1009
00:55:40,638 --> 00:55:42,705
These cases lead
to transference.

1010
00:55:42,707 --> 00:55:44,707
Trans-who?
What the fuck is that, dog?

1011
00:55:44,709 --> 00:55:46,075
Father Williams!
Mind your tongue.

1012
00:55:46,077 --> 00:55:47,810
You are a man of the cloth!

1013
00:55:47,812 --> 00:55:50,779
Damn, man,
ain't like I'm rapin'
motherfuckers no more,

1014
00:55:50,781 --> 00:55:52,348
you know what I'm sayin'?

1015
00:55:52,350 --> 00:55:55,050
Shit. Keep on wit' your
little lesson, brother.

1016
00:55:55,052 --> 00:55:56,719
Victims have also
been known to break

1017
00:55:56,721 --> 00:55:58,654
their own bones
during the possession.

1018
00:55:58,656 --> 00:56:00,589
 True.
That happened to me.

1019
00:56:00,591 --> 00:56:03,359
I was first in prison,
I was tryin' to
give myself head, right?

1020
00:56:03,361 --> 00:56:05,060
'Cause I ain't know nobody.

1021
00:56:05,062 --> 00:56:07,529
If I woulda knew somebody,
I wouldn't have had
to do it to myself.

1022
00:56:07,531 --> 00:56:10,065
And it wasn't no gay shit.
First get that out your head.

1023
00:56:10,067 --> 00:56:12,668
That's enough!
I've had enough
of your insolence!

1024
00:56:12,670 --> 00:56:15,371
My what?
My insolence?

1025
00:56:15,373 --> 00:56:18,374
Dog, you going to bring up
my condition right now?

1026
00:56:18,376 --> 00:56:20,576
You gonna bring up
my diabetes, dog?

1027
00:56:20,578 --> 00:56:22,010
Talkin' about my insolence.

1028
00:56:22,012 --> 00:56:25,547
'Cause I like cake?
Yeah, I like cake, guys.

1029
00:56:25,549 --> 00:56:27,683
I like cake, birthday cake,
all kinds of cake.

1030
00:56:27,685 --> 00:56:29,718
I'm talking about,
cake, cake, cake!

1031
00:56:30,587 --> 00:56:31,754
Man, you know what?

1032
00:56:31,756 --> 00:56:32,821
I'm sick of your shit!

1033
00:56:35,159 --> 00:56:37,860
Get outta here!
Everybody break out.
Take your boy with you.

1034
00:56:37,862 --> 00:56:40,596
Yeah. I mean really, man.

1035
00:56:41,464 --> 00:56:42,531
Ooh.

1036
00:56:42,866 --> 00:56:44,433
Malcolm?

1037
00:56:44,435 --> 00:56:45,934
Hey, father Williams!

1038
00:56:45,936 --> 00:56:47,436
Fuck, nigga, what'd I tell you
about callin' me that?

1039
00:56:47,438 --> 00:56:48,971
I'm sorry. Hey, Doug!

1040
00:56:48,973 --> 00:56:51,874
Roll down, man!

1041
00:56:51,876 --> 00:56:55,411
I'm sorry you
caught that, man.
I'm so stressed out, man.

1042
00:56:55,413 --> 00:56:57,713
I had to shank a muthafucka.
You saw that, right?

1043
00:56:57,715 --> 00:56:59,081
I didn't see nothin'.

1044
00:56:59,083 --> 00:57:01,517
That's a good answer.
That's a good answer.

1045
00:57:01,519 --> 00:57:02,818
If you saw it...
'Cause I was gonna say

1046
00:57:02,820 --> 00:57:04,453
if you woulda said yes,
I woulda...

1047
00:57:04,455 --> 00:57:06,588
 Oh, shit!

1048
00:57:06,590 --> 00:57:08,957
That's all right,
I don't have nothin'.
That's the only one I had.

1049
00:57:08,959 --> 00:57:10,926
I used to have two shanks,
but I don't keep
that anymore.

1050
00:57:10,928 --> 00:57:12,594
I stopped doin' two shanks

1051
00:57:12,596 --> 00:57:13,796
'cause it just
was a thang, and

1052
00:57:13,798 --> 00:57:15,597
everybody was like,
"two shanks."

1053
00:57:15,599 --> 00:57:18,033
Yeah, so, how you doin'?

1054
00:57:18,035 --> 00:57:21,437
I, uh... I need your help.

1055
00:57:21,439 --> 00:57:23,071
It's happenin', Doug.

1056
00:57:23,073 --> 00:57:24,907
Hell no!

1057
00:57:24,909 --> 00:57:27,209
You know I'm not
comin' over there

1058
00:57:27,211 --> 00:57:29,011
and fuckin' with you and your
creepy lil' bitch again!

1059
00:57:29,013 --> 00:57:30,546
I ain't even with
that bitch no more!

1060
00:57:30,548 --> 00:57:32,047
I'm beggin' you, man,
I just need your help.

1061
00:57:32,049 --> 00:57:33,649
I just don't know
who else to go to.

1062
00:57:33,651 --> 00:57:35,984
Let me just explain to you
why I became a priest.

1063
00:57:35,986 --> 00:57:38,921
Now, obvious one is
for the little boys. Yes.

1064
00:57:38,923 --> 00:57:40,756
What're you talkin' about?

1065
00:57:40,758 --> 00:57:42,891
It's a joke, Malcolm!

1066
00:57:42,893 --> 00:57:46,028
Oh, God, no, it was a joke.
I did that, you know,

1067
00:57:46,030 --> 00:57:48,597
for the other priests
and we laugh, that's all.

1068
00:57:48,599 --> 00:57:52,568
But I don't know if
I can help you with
your demon situation

1069
00:57:52,570 --> 00:57:55,204
because I haven't
been stayin' steady

1070
00:57:55,206 --> 00:57:58,006
on my demon fightin' skills,
is what I'm
tryin' to tell you.

1071
00:57:58,008 --> 00:58:02,511
So Malcolm, day after day,

1072
00:58:02,513 --> 00:58:08,116
when you know you can't win,
you're just
prolonging the inevitable!

1073
00:58:08,118 --> 00:58:11,019
All you gotta do
is let them in.

1074
00:58:11,021 --> 00:58:12,554
Are you talkin'
about the devil?

1075
00:58:12,556 --> 00:58:15,491
Worse. The Kardashians.

1076
00:58:15,493 --> 00:58:16,992
Yeah.

1077
00:58:16,994 --> 00:58:19,261
Yeah, did you see 'em?
It's the crazy mama,

1078
00:58:19,263 --> 00:58:21,663
it's Kim, khloe, kourtney,
crazy, the two little ones...

1079
00:58:21,665 --> 00:58:24,967
They gonna be freaks.
They got lamar,
they got Scott...

1080
00:58:24,969 --> 00:58:26,668
Rob, fat as a motherfucker,

1081
00:58:26,670 --> 00:58:28,203
Bruce with the acne.
Oh, Bruce...

1082
00:58:28,205 --> 00:58:30,539
What the fuck is wrong
with Bruce jenner face?

1083
00:58:30,541 --> 00:58:31,974
He look like a monster!

1084
00:58:31,976 --> 00:58:35,244
He scares me at night!
And he on in daytime.

1085
00:58:35,246 --> 00:58:37,613
He don't look like
the nigga that was on
the wheaties box!

1086
00:58:37,615 --> 00:58:40,682
And kanye! And kanye!
And julianne hough!

1087
00:58:40,684 --> 00:58:44,920
I love it and I hate it.
They took kanye
and they changed him.

1088
00:58:44,922 --> 00:58:46,922
Doug, you know... Doug...


1089
00:58:46,924 --> 00:58:48,524
You have to let
go of me, Doug.

1090
00:58:48,526 --> 00:58:49,825
You can't...

1091
00:58:49,827 --> 00:58:51,560
Doug, you gotta let go of me!

1092
00:58:51,562 --> 00:58:55,264
There's no place you can hide.
He has a plan for you.

1093
00:58:55,266 --> 00:58:57,099
Doug, get off of me.
He will get you!

1094
00:58:57,101 --> 00:58:58,934
Doug, get your hands off me!

1095
00:58:58,936 --> 00:59:01,270
What the fuck is
wrong with you?

1096
00:59:05,009 --> 00:59:09,278
Oh, you're the one
that got us out here
in the hot heat!

1097
00:59:09,280 --> 00:59:12,180
Making me bang all
on the windows with my
good church hat!

1098
00:59:12,182 --> 00:59:14,850
Hon, I could be at
home watchin' that new
madea movie!

1099
00:59:14,852 --> 00:59:18,020
with the little girl
from <i> the fresh prince?</i>

1100
00:59:18,022 --> 00:59:20,856
You know the one, she played
the head of NASA!
With the aliens!

1101
00:59:20,858 --> 00:59:23,926
Boom!
<i> Madea goes to Mars,</i> that's it!

1102
00:59:23,928 --> 00:59:27,095
 Hold up,
ain't you that brother

1103
00:59:27,097 --> 00:59:30,566
that just moved
into old Burton place?

1104
00:59:30,568 --> 00:59:33,001
Yeah, it's just...
With a white woman!

1105
00:59:33,003 --> 00:59:34,603
Well, she's not
all the way white.

1106
00:59:34,605 --> 00:59:37,573
She's a white woman,
damn near clear!

1107
00:59:37,575 --> 00:59:41,810
Come on now, it's 2013.
Interracial relationships
is not a big deal.

1108
00:59:41,812 --> 00:59:45,013
What? You need to
tell that to the lonely sista.

1109
00:59:45,015 --> 00:59:46,715
Look at this one right here.
Right here!

1110
00:59:46,717 --> 00:59:49,251
Honey, show him how you
drop it like it's hot!

1111
00:59:49,253 --> 00:59:53,088
Whoo! Hold up, Bertha,
hold up. Hold up.
We ain't got no defibrillator.

1112
00:59:53,090 --> 00:59:57,059
They do that cungalingus,
the finga-ligga-linga.

1113
00:59:57,061 --> 00:59:59,661
What is it, the fellatio?
Malcolm: Uh...

1114
00:59:59,663 --> 01:00:01,063
That's what it is,
they go deep.

1115
01:00:01,065 --> 01:00:02,698
You know they
ain't got no insides.

1116
01:00:02,700 --> 01:00:04,232
I think that's my cue to go.

1117
01:00:04,234 --> 01:00:07,202
Excuse me, sistas.
Have a good sermon.

1118
01:00:07,204 --> 01:00:08,904
Where you goin'?

1119
01:00:08,906 --> 01:00:10,105
 Love is love.
You're so bitter.

1120
01:00:10,107 --> 01:00:15,243
Brothers be trippin'.
That's why I got me
a white man at home.

1121
01:00:15,245 --> 01:00:17,079
Yeah, girl.
Woman: Vanilla my flavor.

1122
01:00:20,717 --> 01:00:21,783
 <i> Hello, Malcolm.</i>

1123
01:00:21,785 --> 01:00:22,918
Oh, Professor wilde,
thank God.

1124
01:00:22,920 --> 01:00:24,786
I've been tryin' to reach you!

1125
01:00:24,788 --> 01:00:26,755
<i> I'm sorry, Malcolm,</i>
<i> I've been a bit tied up.</i>

1126
01:00:26,757 --> 01:00:29,625
I haven't been able to find
any more on aghoul,

1127
01:00:29,627 --> 01:00:31,860
though my resources
are a bit limited.

1128
01:00:31,862 --> 01:00:34,229
Uh, Professor?
Where the hell are you?

1129
01:00:34,231 --> 01:00:37,132
Ooh, doin' a stretch
of five to 10.

1130
01:00:37,134 --> 01:00:39,101
Apparently, the authorities
frown on sellin' meth

1131
01:00:39,103 --> 01:00:41,269
to college students.

1132
01:00:41,271 --> 01:00:42,938
Yeah, apparently.

1133
01:00:42,940 --> 01:00:44,006
You need to hang up

1134
01:00:44,008 --> 01:00:47,943
come over here and kiss me
on my hot mouth.

1135
01:00:47,945 --> 01:00:50,112
I'm feelin' romantical.

1136
01:00:51,714 --> 01:00:53,715
Well, Malcolm,
I suppose I should get going.

1137
01:00:53,717 --> 01:00:55,317
But I will be
e-mailing you the contacts

1138
01:00:55,319 --> 01:00:56,685
of associates
who'll be able to help.

1139
01:00:56,687 --> 01:00:58,153
I don't mean to be pushy,
but any way

1140
01:00:58,155 --> 01:01:00,088
you could do that
before you get raped?

1141
01:01:00,090 --> 01:01:02,057
What part of mandingo party

1142
01:01:02,059 --> 01:01:04,292
do you not understand?

1143
01:01:04,294 --> 01:01:06,962
It's time to power
the white rabbit.

1144
01:01:06,964 --> 01:01:09,431
You know. Dirty the snow.

1145
01:01:10,300 --> 01:01:12,934
 <i> Don't!</i>
<i> That's not that bad.</i>

1146
01:01:14,837 --> 01:01:17,072
Lights, please. Thank you.

1147
01:01:18,675 --> 01:01:21,309
So after several
exhausting days
of the exorcism,

1148
01:01:21,311 --> 01:01:24,846
I threw some
holy water on her,
read an incantation

1149
01:01:24,848 --> 01:01:28,383
and the demon left
the woman's body.

1150
01:01:28,385 --> 01:01:31,920
 I suppose I just
sat back and watched.

1151
01:01:31,922 --> 01:01:35,190
I mean, I'm just
the medium who puts her
life in danger

1152
01:01:35,192 --> 01:01:37,859
every time she reaches out
to demonic forces.

1153
01:01:37,861 --> 01:01:40,295
But you've got a Bible
and a bottle of holy water,

1154
01:01:40,297 --> 01:01:41,797
so you make
the world a safer place!

1155
01:01:41,799 --> 01:01:44,199
The fact is, people,
is that God is real,

1156
01:01:44,201 --> 01:01:47,102
the devil is real,
and monsters exist.

1157
01:01:48,705 --> 01:01:51,773
Well...
They're vicious,
terrifying entities!

1158
01:01:51,775 --> 01:01:54,342
But the good news is,
Santa claus doesn't exist

1159
01:01:54,344 --> 01:01:56,144
so you don't have to worry
about some creepy old guy

1160
01:01:56,146 --> 01:01:57,446
coming down your chimney.


1161
01:01:57,448 --> 01:02:01,383
So, what exactly are you guys?
And who the fuck hired you?

1162
01:02:01,385 --> 01:02:04,286
You can call us
ned and Noreen.

1163
01:02:04,288 --> 01:02:06,888
See?
This is why you don't
hire from craigslist.

1164
01:02:06,890 --> 01:02:08,056
Asshole!

1165
01:02:10,893 --> 01:02:14,229
I don't understand
why you always
have to take the credit!

1166
01:02:14,231 --> 01:02:16,498
I mean, even your
name comes first
on our book cover,

1167
01:02:16,500 --> 01:02:18,400
and I am the one with a gift!
It's not my fault

1168
01:02:18,402 --> 01:02:21,236
that ned comes before
Noreen in alphabetical order!

1169
01:02:21,238 --> 01:02:23,739
Is that why ned
comes before Noreen
in the bedroom?

1170
01:02:23,741 --> 01:02:25,340
Just once I'd like
you to do that thing

1171
01:02:25,342 --> 01:02:26,808
with your thumb
and your forefinger.

1172
01:02:26,810 --> 01:02:32,047
Yeah, well,
I would like you to do that
thing with my balls and the...

1173
01:02:32,049 --> 01:02:34,416
Hi!
Hi! Can we help you?

1174
01:02:34,418 --> 01:02:37,252
Yes. Um, there's
something horrible happening
in my house.

1175
01:02:37,254 --> 01:02:39,921
My family doesn't realize
what's going on, but I do!

1176
01:02:39,923 --> 01:02:42,057
I'm sure that there's
a rational explanation...

1177
01:02:42,059 --> 01:02:43,225
Please! They're white!

1178
01:02:43,227 --> 01:02:45,427
Oh, my God!
Why didn't you say that?

1179
01:02:45,429 --> 01:02:47,262
Yeah,
you should lead with that!

1180
01:02:47,264 --> 01:02:50,766
I mean, if you're
black we just assume
that your hauntings are

1181
01:02:50,768 --> 01:02:53,468
bill collectors or
racist police officers.

1182
01:02:53,470 --> 01:02:55,403
But 99% of all hauntings

1183
01:02:55,405 --> 01:02:57,405
happen to white people,
that's a fact.

1184
01:02:57,407 --> 01:03:00,242
What he means to say is,
of course we'll help you.

1185
01:03:00,244 --> 01:03:01,843
Thank you so much.

1186
01:03:01,845 --> 01:03:03,812
So we're here to
help you people.

1187
01:03:03,814 --> 01:03:06,248
And before you get worked up,
I mean "you people"
as a couple.

1188
01:03:06,250 --> 01:03:07,983
It wasn't racist
till you explained it.

1189
01:03:07,985 --> 01:03:11,486
The bad news is
you have
a demon in your house.

1190
01:03:11,488 --> 01:03:12,954
Here we go again.

1191
01:03:12,956 --> 01:03:16,258
Okay, wait. So the house
really is haunted?

1192
01:03:16,260 --> 01:03:19,961
Megan, it's not
the house that's haunted.

1193
01:03:19,963 --> 01:03:22,964
A-ha! I knew it! I knew it!
It's always
the little white girl.

1194
01:03:22,966 --> 01:03:25,834
Think about it. <i> The exorcist,</i>
<i> the last exorcism,</i>

1195
01:03:25,836 --> 01:03:28,036
<i> the exorcism of Emily rose.</i>
All white girls.

1196
01:03:28,038 --> 01:03:29,171
'Cause there ain't no black
parents gonna have

1197
01:03:29,173 --> 01:03:30,472
no little white girl
talkin' like that.

1198
01:03:30,474 --> 01:03:32,140
"Bitch, who are you?
Who're you cursin' at?

1199
01:03:32,142 --> 01:03:33,809
"And turn
the fuckin' air down in here!"

1200
01:03:33,811 --> 01:03:36,311
Malcolm, Malcolm,
just listen for a second.
Yes.

1201
01:03:36,313 --> 01:03:40,348
When we first met you,
there was something
attached to you.

1202
01:03:40,350 --> 01:03:42,818
Oh, that was a hemorrhoid.
That was... it's good now.

1203
01:03:42,820 --> 01:03:45,253
This dark entity has
attached itself to him

1204
01:03:45,255 --> 01:03:47,489
and now it's
feeding off of all of you.

1205
01:03:47,491 --> 01:03:50,592
So what you're
saying is that this is
all Malcolm's fault.

1206
01:03:50,594 --> 01:03:52,460
That's right.
Your family could've
left here at

1207
01:03:52,462 --> 01:03:54,529
any time,
but now you're stuck.

1208
01:03:54,531 --> 01:03:56,464
Like a piece of
toilet paper

1209
01:03:56,466 --> 01:03:58,533
stuck on your shoe
when you leave the bathroom.

1210
01:03:58,535 --> 01:04:00,836
And your wife
knew the whole time,
but she didn't tell you

1211
01:04:00,838 --> 01:04:03,839
because she wanted
you to walk around
and look like an idiot.

1212
01:04:03,841 --> 01:04:07,242
Oh, get over it!
I'm not the one who
had an affair

1213
01:04:07,244 --> 01:04:09,444
with some low-rent
palm reader from akron!

1214
01:04:09,446 --> 01:04:11,847
And you never
would've known if you
weren't a psychic!

1215
01:04:11,849 --> 01:04:13,415
But I am psychic, ned!

1216
01:04:13,417 --> 01:04:14,916
 Oh!
Ow.

1217
01:04:14,918 --> 01:04:17,018
Shit!
What is that for?

1218
01:04:17,020 --> 01:04:19,321
What you'll be
thinking about doing
to Megan in two seconds.

1219
01:04:19,323 --> 01:04:21,289
"Thinking about
doing to Megan?"
One, two, see?

1220
01:04:24,193 --> 01:04:26,261
Uh, guys,
we came on short notice.

1221
01:04:26,263 --> 01:04:28,330
We may need
an extra pair of hands.

1222
01:04:28,332 --> 01:04:30,031
Anyone you trust to help?

1223
01:04:30,033 --> 01:04:32,067
I know a guy. He's Mexican.

1224
01:04:34,170 --> 01:04:36,104
Megan,
let's go to your contacts.

1225
01:04:39,508 --> 01:04:41,343
Hey, nice camera.
Right?

1226
01:04:41,345 --> 01:04:43,912
I take it your third cousin
owns electronics shops.

1227
01:04:43,914 --> 01:04:46,047
Eh, somethin' like that.
He sells them out of
the back of his truck.

1228
01:04:46,049 --> 01:04:48,516
It's a mobile operation.
Let me know if you want one.

1229
01:04:48,518 --> 01:04:50,585
Hey, ned, something weird.

1230
01:04:50,587 --> 01:04:54,055
All these clocks stop at 3:27
when the hauntings happen.

1231
01:04:54,057 --> 01:04:58,894
Normally, it's 3:07.
Nope, we're on cp time.

1232
01:04:58,896 --> 01:05:01,529
The demon will manifest itself
in many ways.

1233
01:05:01,531 --> 01:05:03,598
To your son,
it's his imaginary friend.

1234
01:05:03,600 --> 01:05:06,067
To your daughter
it's the voice inside the box.

1235
01:05:06,069 --> 01:05:08,570
For Malcolm it's that
sexy little doll Abigail.

1236
01:05:08,572 --> 01:05:11,907
See? It's a manifestation!
You think I'd bang
a doll for no reason?

1237
01:05:11,909 --> 01:05:14,242
Malcolm! Shut up.
What we're about to do

1238
01:05:14,244 --> 01:05:17,312
is the first step in
banishing the demon
to the netherworld.

1239
01:05:17,314 --> 01:05:19,180
Oh, what is that?

1240
01:05:19,182 --> 01:05:22,083
This helps me communicate
with the demon.

1241
01:05:22,085 --> 01:05:25,186
Organic,
hydroponically grown og kush.

1242
01:05:25,188 --> 01:05:26,321
Very strong.

1243
01:05:27,690 --> 01:05:31,126
This is some good shit.

1244
01:05:32,229 --> 01:05:34,095
Well, pass the mask, shit.

1245
01:05:34,097 --> 01:05:36,231
 We grow it ourselves.

1246
01:05:36,233 --> 01:05:38,166
 High water bill.


1247
01:05:38,168 --> 01:05:39,935
That's that shit right there!

1248
01:05:39,937 --> 01:05:41,336
Let me get another hit.
I'm goin' to the further.

1249
01:05:44,307 --> 01:05:46,541
Tony, where are you?

1250
01:05:49,146 --> 01:05:51,680
Smells like that og kush.

1251
01:05:58,654 --> 01:05:59,654
 Mom!

1252
01:06:02,158 --> 01:06:04,159
What...
Becky!

1253
01:06:06,662 --> 01:06:08,330
Cool!
Wyatt, get upstairs!

1254
01:06:08,332 --> 01:06:10,231
 Wyatt, come on!
 <i> Fuck you, you bitch!</i>

1255
01:06:12,368 --> 01:06:14,035
Why are you tying
my baby to a chair?

1256
01:06:14,037 --> 01:06:15,737
Because the bitch
got a demon in her!

1257
01:06:15,739 --> 01:06:17,505
<i> Make it stop!</i>


1258
01:06:17,507 --> 01:06:20,408
This is some scary
<i> cucuy</i> shit right here, man.

1259
01:06:20,410 --> 01:06:22,210
I don't know who <i> cucuy</i> is.

1260
01:06:22,212 --> 01:06:24,012
A <i> cucuy</i> is a
ghetto Mexican bogeyman.

1261
01:06:24,014 --> 01:06:25,647
Oh, like George Lopez.

1262
01:06:25,649 --> 01:06:27,215
 I know, huh?

1263
01:06:27,217 --> 01:06:30,085
I agree,
it is scary as fuck.

1264
01:06:30,087 --> 01:06:32,554
This spirit is more powerful
than I thought.

1265
01:06:32,556 --> 01:06:35,390
We're gonna need
to get a priest
and perform a real exorcism.

1266
01:06:35,392 --> 01:06:38,393
I know a guy!
He's a little unconventional.

1267
01:06:40,196 --> 01:06:42,297
I don't know, Malcolm.


1268
01:06:42,299 --> 01:06:44,199
I know, that bitch
don't look right.

1269
01:06:44,201 --> 01:06:45,533
No, why you gotta
call her a bitch?

1270
01:06:45,535 --> 01:06:47,302
You disrespecting
the little ho.

1271
01:06:47,304 --> 01:06:49,070
Nigga,
did you just sell me out?

1272
01:06:49,072 --> 01:06:51,239
There's certain words
that trigger white folk.

1273
01:06:51,241 --> 01:06:54,442
I mean, bitch, ho, slut.
No offense.

1274
01:06:54,444 --> 01:06:56,244
You can't say those words.
That's like our...

1275
01:06:56,246 --> 01:06:57,379
Hey!

1276
01:06:57,381 --> 01:06:58,513
What the hell are
you talking about?

1277
01:06:58,515 --> 01:06:59,714
Are you out your damn mind?

1278
01:06:59,716 --> 01:07:02,183
We would never say that.

1279
01:07:02,185 --> 01:07:04,486
Oh, we would
behind closed doors.

1280
01:07:04,488 --> 01:07:06,621
I mean,
I wouldn't say it in a bus
or a waffle house.

1281
01:07:06,623 --> 01:07:11,126
or in
the parking lot of a kfc,
but, yeah, I would say it.

1282
01:07:11,128 --> 01:07:13,061
Hey, I ain't your boy...
I got your back.

1283
01:07:13,063 --> 01:07:14,596
This is a lovely
scarf you're wearing.

1284
01:07:14,598 --> 01:07:16,598
It's a sash,
you know what I'm sayin'?

1285
01:07:16,600 --> 01:07:19,134
I'm selling these.
This a part of my
new clothing line,

1286
01:07:19,136 --> 01:07:20,735
"Jesus pieces,"
and I got, like,

1287
01:07:20,737 --> 01:07:22,604
the shoe that
the pope be wearin'.

1288
01:07:22,606 --> 01:07:26,408
In leather,
suede, in green, brown,
and the pope hats!

1289
01:07:26,410 --> 01:07:29,611
I can't keep that shit,
you know
niggers love big hats.

1290
01:07:29,613 --> 01:07:31,746
Okay, you know what,
that's enough.
Thank you so much.

1291
01:07:31,748 --> 01:07:35,283
That's right.
Can we help my daughter,
please?

1292
01:07:35,285 --> 01:07:37,318
Hell, she went
really white girl on me.

1293
01:07:37,320 --> 01:07:39,287
"Oh, my God!"
I was like, "whoa."

1294
01:07:39,289 --> 01:07:42,290
Speaking of white...
Are you doin' cocaine again?

1295
01:07:42,292 --> 01:07:44,125
Cocaine?
No, man, this stuff's Molly!

1296
01:07:44,127 --> 01:07:47,195
 Oh!
Can I try?

1297
01:07:47,197 --> 01:07:49,097
It's all good.
Noreen: Oh, wow.

1298
01:07:50,600 --> 01:07:52,167
I'm gonna take
a little pinch for later.

1299
01:07:52,169 --> 01:07:53,768
He's just bringing drugs?

1300
01:07:53,770 --> 01:07:55,370
It's Molly.
Wrap it up!

1301
01:07:55,372 --> 01:07:56,604
Yeah, I'm sorry. I told you
he was unconventional.

1302
01:07:58,442 --> 01:07:59,541
All right.

1303
01:08:00,777 --> 01:08:02,310
Hey, chill. Calm down, man.

1304
01:08:02,312 --> 01:08:04,212
Doug! Doug! Doug! Whoa.

1305
01:08:04,214 --> 01:08:05,713
Y'all some crazy
ass motherfuckers.

1306
01:08:05,715 --> 01:08:07,649
Y'all thought I was
gonna shoot this bitch?

1307
01:08:07,651 --> 01:08:10,385
I'm just gonna pistol-whip her
until she weakens.

1308
01:08:10,387 --> 01:08:12,454
You're not
pistol-whipping
my daughter!

1309
01:08:12,456 --> 01:08:15,790
He know's what he's doing.
The man is a genius.

1310
01:08:18,395 --> 01:08:22,564
In the name of the father
and the holy ghost...


1311
01:08:22,566 --> 01:08:24,499
I need three
other white people.

1312
01:08:24,501 --> 01:08:26,134
Peyton Manning!

1313
01:08:26,136 --> 01:08:27,402
Peyton Manning,
kristen Stewart.

1314
01:08:27,404 --> 01:08:28,670
Paula deen!


1315
01:08:30,506 --> 01:08:33,808
Where's Doug?
I can't find his
black ass in this dark!

1316
01:08:33,810 --> 01:08:34,876
 Where the hell is he?

1317
01:08:34,878 --> 01:08:39,514
Like a forest
creature in a cartoon.
Father Doug!

1318
01:08:39,516 --> 01:08:42,150
He's over here!
He's over here!


1319
01:08:42,152 --> 01:08:44,285
Doug! Nigga, please, don't.

1320
01:08:44,287 --> 01:08:46,454
 Father, please don't!

1321
01:08:46,456 --> 01:08:48,823
No, wait!
It's better if he points the
gun at himself and not at us.

1322
01:08:48,825 --> 01:08:50,592
Just talk to him, Malcolm.

1323
01:08:50,594 --> 01:08:53,394
Listen to my voice,
okay, Doug?
Listen to my voice.

1324
01:08:53,396 --> 01:08:56,197
This is not what niggas do!
We don't do suicide!

1325
01:08:56,199 --> 01:08:59,701
Murder, yes! Suicide?
That's what they do.

1326
01:08:59,703 --> 01:09:04,205
Yeah, we do that.
I've tried at least 20 times.

1327
01:09:04,207 --> 01:09:06,541
Motherfucker got
me acting all crazy,
actin' the fool!

1328
01:09:06,543 --> 01:09:08,810
You know damn well I wouldn't
peel my own cap!

1329
01:09:10,514 --> 01:09:13,381
I can't stop it! I can't
stop it! Man, it keeps...

1330
01:09:13,383 --> 01:09:15,517
There's somethin' in my head
that's tellin' me
to blow off my head.

1331
01:09:15,519 --> 01:09:17,785
Is it in here? Is it in there?

1332
01:09:17,787 --> 01:09:21,389
No, no, no! Yeah, up there!


1333
01:09:21,391 --> 01:09:23,625
Demon break.
Who wants a mojito?

1334
01:09:23,627 --> 01:09:25,627
Oh, the black guy's
still got a gun.

1335
01:09:25,629 --> 01:09:28,563
Oh, God!
This demon is
a son of a bitch, man!

1336
01:09:28,565 --> 01:09:31,533
Father,
why have you abandoned me?

1337
01:09:31,535 --> 01:09:35,303
Is it because I cuss a lot,
even during prayer?

1338
01:09:35,305 --> 01:09:37,338
"Amen, motherfucker,"
sounds dope.

1339
01:09:37,340 --> 01:09:40,241
Is it because...


1340
01:09:40,243 --> 01:09:42,844
I don't get Ryan seacrest.
I don't get him.

1341
01:09:42,846 --> 01:09:46,247
I know what it is,
'cause I dressed up as
a foreclosure sign

1342
01:09:46,249 --> 01:09:48,550
when people was getting
kicked out of their house.

1343
01:09:48,552 --> 01:09:50,785
On Halloween I just
stood in the yard.

1344
01:09:50,787 --> 01:09:53,254
I knew it was wrong,
but it was funny to me.

1345
01:09:53,256 --> 01:09:55,557
Out of all of
the people on the <i> Brady bunch,</i>

1346
01:09:55,559 --> 01:09:58,293
it was Alice that
I wanted to fuck.

1347
01:09:58,295 --> 01:10:01,930
In the station wagon,
on top of Mr. Brady's
architect desk.

1348
01:10:01,932 --> 01:10:04,365
Just used it for
protractors and rulers.

1349
01:10:04,367 --> 01:10:06,834
Is it because I
actually kinda thought

1350
01:10:06,836 --> 01:10:09,737
that it was okay that
Chris brown hit Rihanna?

1351
01:10:09,739 --> 01:10:12,473
I know that bitch
hit him first, man!
She talk too much shit!

1352
01:10:12,475 --> 01:10:14,642
She an island girl.
"What you doin', Chris?

1353
01:10:14,644 --> 01:10:16,477
"Where you goin'?
Who's this bitch talkin'
"about Chris?"

1354
01:10:16,479 --> 01:10:18,279
Shut the fuck up, bitch!

1355
01:10:18,281 --> 01:10:19,314
Somebody help me.

1356
01:10:19,316 --> 01:10:20,915
 Doug! Fight it, Doug!

1357
01:10:20,917 --> 01:10:24,452
No!
Nigga, that's a bigass gun!
That's gonna hurt, nigga.

1358
01:10:24,454 --> 01:10:26,821
Malcolm,
he has a message for you.

1359
01:10:28,224 --> 01:10:29,857
He says...

1360
01:10:29,859 --> 01:10:31,392
<i> "Hi, bitch."</i>

1361
01:10:33,230 --> 01:10:34,929
 Oh, my God!
No!

1362
01:10:37,467 --> 01:10:39,934
We're gonna need
another priest!
It's too late.

1363
01:10:39,936 --> 01:10:41,269
I have to
perform the exorcism.

1364
01:10:41,271 --> 01:10:42,637
It's true.

1365
01:10:42,639 --> 01:10:44,606
Although ned's only
formal training was at

1366
01:10:44,608 --> 01:10:46,641
<i> ghostbusters</i> summer
camp back in 1988.

1367
01:10:46,643 --> 01:10:47,842
Never cross the streams.
Never cross them.

1368
01:10:47,844 --> 01:10:49,277
And he is dumb!

1369
01:10:49,279 --> 01:10:51,946
I mean, dumb, dumb, dumb!

1370
01:10:51,948 --> 01:10:54,816
The point is,
you can do this!

1371
01:10:54,818 --> 01:10:56,584
Do you remember
what you said to me
on our wedding night?

1372
01:10:56,586 --> 01:10:58,686
"I have whiskey dick
and I'll make it up
to you in the morning."

1373
01:10:58,688 --> 01:11:02,857
No! You said God
brought us together
for a reason.

1374
01:11:02,859 --> 01:11:05,360
That doesn't sound like me.
Must've been really drunk.

1375
01:11:05,362 --> 01:11:08,029
Just fucking do it, dummy!
Okay.

1376
01:11:20,309 --> 01:11:21,809
Becky!
Did it work?

1377
01:11:21,811 --> 01:11:24,045
 Please help me.
I'm sorry for everything!

1378
01:11:24,047 --> 01:11:25,813
 I think you did it!

1379
01:11:30,452 --> 01:11:32,720
 Full inversion.
We got a full inversion.

1380
01:11:34,657 --> 01:11:36,557
Oh, fuck!

1381
01:11:36,559 --> 01:11:38,493
 Oh, my God!

1382
01:11:38,495 --> 01:11:40,862
Time to die!

1383
01:11:41,997 --> 01:11:43,398
It was him! It was him!

1384
01:11:43,400 --> 01:11:44,999
No, don't do me like that!

1385
01:11:45,001 --> 01:11:46,567
It actually was him.

1386
01:11:47,369 --> 01:11:48,569
 Better him than me.

1387
01:11:48,571 --> 01:11:50,505
 That looked like
it hurt, shit.

1388
01:11:55,344 --> 01:11:56,978
Whoo! Now, that's what
you call a blowjob.

1389
01:11:56,980 --> 01:11:58,579
A leaf blower?

1390
01:11:58,581 --> 01:12:00,481
Don't judge me.
Megan: Malcolm!

1391
01:12:00,483 --> 01:12:04,452
Demon, you leave
our daughter alone!

1392
01:12:05,555 --> 01:12:07,021
That's not your
daughter anymore!

1393
01:12:07,023 --> 01:12:08,823
I didn't mean like
a daughter-daughter...

1394
01:12:08,825 --> 01:12:12,026
I was just saying that...
Seriously?
Malcolm, help her!

1395
01:12:12,028 --> 01:12:13,428
Okay. God damn it!

1396
01:12:13,430 --> 01:12:14,796
Go get 'em, buddy.

1397
01:12:16,031 --> 01:12:17,598
Wyatt, are you okay?

1398
01:12:17,600 --> 01:12:19,400
Yeah, but Becky?

1399
01:12:19,402 --> 01:12:21,336
She looks pretty fucked up.

1400
01:12:23,039 --> 01:12:27,408
How about you leave,
and we'll pretend
none of this ever happened?

1401
01:12:27,410 --> 01:12:29,577
<i> The bitch is mine!</i>

1402
01:12:29,579 --> 01:12:31,112
You heard the man,
the bitch is his. I tried.

1403
01:12:31,114 --> 01:12:32,613
Seriously?

1404
01:12:32,615 --> 01:12:34,415
She said the bitch is his.
That's pretty emphatic.

1405
01:12:34,417 --> 01:12:36,718
Malcolm, please help me.
I'm so sorry.

1406
01:12:38,420 --> 01:12:42,457
<i> Becky will rot in hell!</i>

1407
01:12:42,459 --> 01:12:45,026
Okay, which one is it?
Go rot in hell or you
want me to help you?

1408
01:12:45,028 --> 01:12:46,394
Malcolm, help her!

1409
01:12:46,396 --> 01:12:47,995
The bitch is confusing me!

1410
01:12:47,997 --> 01:12:52,500
Okay. Demon,
you leave her alone!
You take me instead!

1411
01:12:52,868 --> 01:12:54,435
<i> Deal.</i>

1412
01:12:54,437 --> 01:12:56,571
Wait, no, no, no.
Here, take him instead!

1413
01:13:01,643 --> 01:13:03,010
I haven't heard
a demon scream for a while.

1414
01:13:03,012 --> 01:13:04,579
I think it's safe
to go back up there.

1415
01:13:04,581 --> 01:13:05,980
I still have a bad feeling.

1416
01:13:05,982 --> 01:13:08,082
For God's sake,
come on, guys!

1417
01:13:08,084 --> 01:13:10,385
Come on!
All right.

1418
01:13:11,787 --> 01:13:15,656
Oh, my God! Wyatt,
get upstairs right now!

1419
01:13:15,658 --> 01:13:17,658
 They're cuddling!
The demon's gone!

1420
01:13:17,660 --> 01:13:20,962
I did it! This house is clean!

1421
01:13:20,964 --> 01:13:24,098
Look at his eyes!
They're rolling to
the back of his head!

1422
01:13:24,100 --> 01:13:27,468
That's the face that he makes
when he has an orgasm.

1423
01:13:27,470 --> 01:13:28,970
I think he's okay, you guys.

1424
01:13:28,972 --> 01:13:30,705
This is not over.

1425
01:13:30,707 --> 01:13:32,407
 Are you guys
watching this?

1426
01:13:32,409 --> 01:13:34,475
Yes, we're watching it, dummy!

1427
01:13:34,477 --> 01:13:36,544
I'm so intrigued by this.

1428
01:13:36,546 --> 01:13:40,815
 Oh, man!
He's all twisted up
like a chocolate pretzel!

1429
01:13:40,817 --> 01:13:43,117
Such flexibility
and the dexterity!

1430
01:13:43,119 --> 01:13:45,686
Oh, my God.
This is
making me queasy!

1431
01:13:45,688 --> 01:13:47,855
It's like he could
suck his own dick.

1432
01:13:47,857 --> 01:13:50,425
I don't wanna suck my...
Please help me!

1433
01:13:50,427 --> 01:13:52,460
If I could do that,
I don't think
I'd ever talk to you again.

1434
01:13:52,462 --> 01:13:54,996
Stop it, you unholy demon!

1435
01:13:54,998 --> 01:13:58,699
Oh! Oh! That is greasy shit!
Probably Murray's.

1436
01:14:00,169 --> 01:14:02,136
The power of
Christ compels you!


1437
01:14:02,138 --> 01:14:04,605
It burn
like bum piss!

1438
01:14:04,607 --> 01:14:06,174
That means it's working!

1439
01:14:06,176 --> 01:14:08,042
Pour the whole thing,
like I just won
the super bowl!

1440
01:14:08,044 --> 01:14:09,110
Go!
Oh, my God.

1441
01:14:09,112 --> 01:14:10,211
 Are you crazy?

1442
01:14:14,150 --> 01:14:16,617
<i> Is that all you got, bitch?</i>

1443
01:14:18,620 --> 01:14:19,987
Oh!

1444
01:14:32,701 --> 01:14:34,836
Wait, guys!
Stop! Everybody, stop!

1445
01:14:34,838 --> 01:14:36,571
Malcolm, are you okay?

1446
01:14:36,573 --> 01:14:38,139
No, I think I'm gonna be sick.

1447
01:14:38,141 --> 01:14:39,841
What?
Hold up.

1448
01:14:39,843 --> 01:14:42,543
 Oh, God. Oh, God.

1449
01:14:43,178 --> 01:14:45,179
Oh, my God, I can't...

1450
01:14:45,647 --> 01:14:46,714
Oh.

1451
01:14:48,484 --> 01:14:50,117
Puking like a runway model.

1452
01:14:50,119 --> 01:14:52,820
I'm good. I'm good.
 Are you done?

1453
01:14:52,822 --> 01:14:54,789
You're gonna want to
febreze all of this.

1454
01:14:54,791 --> 01:14:57,191
You're gonna
wanna just clean this.

1455
01:14:57,193 --> 01:14:59,093
I feel so much better now.

1456
01:14:59,095 --> 01:15:00,695
Whoo!

1457
01:15:00,697 --> 01:15:01,762
 Oh!

1458
01:15:04,200 --> 01:15:07,902
Can't be too sure. Oh, shit.

1459
01:15:07,904 --> 01:15:09,203
I gotta get the
hell outta here.

1460
01:15:09,205 --> 01:15:11,239
Once they see a black
guy in a pool of blood,

1461
01:15:11,241 --> 01:15:12,707
you know who they're
gonna come after next.

1462
01:15:12,709 --> 01:15:14,876
I gotta go. Hey, watch out!

1463
01:15:14,878 --> 01:15:17,745
Now this place is clean.

1464
01:15:17,747 --> 01:15:18,713
It sounded
better when I said it.

1465
01:15:19,114 --> 01:15:20,815
Get the box.

1466
01:15:20,817 --> 01:15:22,216
Thank you guys so much.

1467
01:15:22,218 --> 01:15:23,885
No need to thank us.
We're happy to help.

1468
01:15:23,887 --> 01:15:25,753
Come on, ned.

1469
01:15:25,755 --> 01:15:28,222
And we'll just take
Abigail with us as well,
for safekeeping.

1470
01:15:28,224 --> 01:15:30,157
Yeah, I know what
you plan on doing
with that doll.

1471
01:15:30,159 --> 01:15:32,760
What? No, I'm a professional.
She's a freak bitch.

1472
01:15:32,762 --> 01:15:34,095
Stop it.
Trust me.

1473
01:15:34,097 --> 01:15:36,931
Hey. How come Noreen ain't
pickin' up on the vibes?

1474
01:15:36,933 --> 01:15:38,199
You know how
when you're trying
to last longer,

1475
01:15:38,201 --> 01:15:39,767
you think about baseball?
Mmm-hmm.

1476
01:15:39,769 --> 01:15:42,637
It's kind of like that.
Throws a haze in their head.

1477
01:15:42,639 --> 01:15:44,939
It's the only way to
survive when you're
married to a psychic.

1478
01:15:44,941 --> 01:15:48,809
Come on, ned.
I know you're thinking
about fucking that doll.

1479
01:15:49,244 --> 01:15:50,745
Hey, hey, hey.

1480
01:15:54,783 --> 01:15:57,752
You've had enough.
Bye, doll.

1481
01:16:00,990 --> 01:16:05,793
It's so nice
being able to just
relax on the couch

1482
01:16:05,795 --> 01:16:07,929
and watch <i> the bachelorette.</i>
Yeah.

1483
01:16:10,099 --> 01:16:11,332
Huh?

1484
01:16:12,267 --> 01:16:13,834
You didn't hear that?

1485
01:16:13,836 --> 01:16:15,636
What?


1486
01:16:15,638 --> 01:16:19,640
My nigga senses is tinglin'.
It's like my spidey senses.

1487
01:16:19,642 --> 01:16:22,810
Oh, would you hush?
It is fine!

1488
01:16:22,812 --> 01:16:25,780
My white senses
say we're fine.


1489
01:16:25,782 --> 01:16:28,282
Everything's okay.
It's over.

1490
01:16:28,284 --> 01:16:30,217
Okay? It's over.

1491
01:16:30,219 --> 01:16:31,919
Okay, okay. I'm trippin'.
That's right.

1492
01:16:34,056 --> 01:16:36,090
 ...Dead white bitch!

1493
01:16:44,900 --> 01:16:47,301
You already know
how it's going down,
motherfuckers, all right?

1494
01:16:47,303 --> 01:16:49,670
I looked on my
<i> dora the explorer</i> app,

1495
01:16:49,672 --> 01:16:51,172
this the motherfuckin'
correct address.

1496
01:16:51,174 --> 01:16:54,675
This ain't a drive-by,
homie, okay?
This a walk-in, homie.

1497
01:16:54,677 --> 01:16:56,911
So ain't no escape plan!
My cousin is in here, cuz!

1498
01:16:56,913 --> 01:16:59,347
Y'all ready?

1499
01:16:59,349 --> 01:17:03,884
Hey, yo, Malcolm!
Whassup, my niggie?
I'm here, cuz!

1500
01:17:04,252 --> 01:17:06,721
 Oh, shit!

1501
01:17:06,723 --> 01:17:09,156
 What the fuck
are you doin', man?
I gotta run for it!

1502
01:17:09,158 --> 01:17:13,227
This is bullshit!
Oh, my God!
I'm scared as fuck!

1503
01:17:17,734 --> 01:17:21,335
I'm good, dog.
Let me get my motherfuckin'
bearings together, homie.

1504
01:17:23,339 --> 01:17:25,673
 All right,
let's go up in there, cuz.

1505
01:17:25,675 --> 01:17:27,942
It smell like
dead ass,

1506
01:17:27,944 --> 01:17:30,011
baloney and sweat socks
up in there, homie.

1507
01:17:30,013 --> 01:17:32,046
It smell like
honey boo boo's boo-boo,
homie!

1508
01:17:32,048 --> 01:17:33,848
Malcolm?

1509
01:17:33,850 --> 01:17:35,216
Where you at, cuz?

1510
01:17:39,755 --> 01:17:41,722
Ain't nobody in here, cuz.

1511
01:17:41,724 --> 01:17:44,825
Oh, shit!
Megan got fucked up!

1512
01:17:44,827 --> 01:17:47,428
Head twisted all
backwards, niggie.

1513
01:17:47,430 --> 01:17:50,731
Now, upon further
examination, my niggie,

1514
01:17:50,733 --> 01:17:53,868
this white bitch
smell like she been dead
about a week, maybe two.

1515
01:17:53,870 --> 01:17:57,371
I watch <i> Dexter,</i>
niggie, <i>  New York,</i>
<i> love & hip hop: Atlanta.</i>

1516
01:17:57,373 --> 01:17:59,774
Don't nobody get
killed on there,
but they need to, my nigga.

1517
01:17:59,776 --> 01:18:00,975
Stevie j.,
you know what I'm sayin'?

1518
01:18:00,977 --> 01:18:03,811
This bitch smell
like poverty, cuz!

1519
01:18:03,813 --> 01:18:07,381
Yah! Taekwondo! Oh, shit!

1520
01:18:07,383 --> 01:18:10,017
They done killed
the little mini
white bitch, too, cuz!

1521
01:18:11,887 --> 01:18:14,789
Fuck happened down here, cuz?

1522
01:18:15,857 --> 01:18:17,024
Hello?

1523
01:18:19,261 --> 01:18:20,428
Hello?

1524
01:18:20,430 --> 01:18:23,698
Oh, shit! There's another
dead body, cuz.

1525
01:18:23,700 --> 01:18:27,101
Who the fuck is it,
though, huh?
Who the fuck is it?

1526
01:18:27,769 --> 01:18:30,271
Oh, God, it's Malcolm!

1527
01:18:30,273 --> 01:18:32,773
 They done
kill my cuz, cuz!

1528
01:18:32,775 --> 01:18:35,242
It's like <i> boyz n the hood,</i>
he's supposed
to go to college!

1529
01:18:35,244 --> 01:18:38,145
Why the fuck they
let doughboy live
and Ricky dead?

1530
01:18:38,147 --> 01:18:40,214
Doughboy was
the evil nigga, cuz!

1531
01:18:40,849 --> 01:18:41,982
Oh!

1532
01:18:41,984 --> 01:18:44,118
I can't believe this!

1533
01:18:44,120 --> 01:18:46,854
See if the nigga got
some money, though.

1534
01:18:52,428 --> 01:18:54,995
What you hit me for, brah?

1535
01:18:54,997 --> 01:18:57,431
You know better
than to be poppin' up
on me like that, cuz!

1536
01:18:57,433 --> 01:18:59,767
You get knocked out
every motherfuckin'
time, homie.

1537
01:18:59,769 --> 01:19:03,137
World star! World star!

1538
01:19:03,139 --> 01:19:04,271
You hit me with a brick!

1539
01:19:04,273 --> 01:19:05,906
Where's my family?
Are they okay?

1540
01:19:05,908 --> 01:19:07,374
Nigga, they dead as fuck!

1541
01:19:07,376 --> 01:19:09,410
All of them?
Even the little boy?

1542
01:19:09,412 --> 01:19:11,879
He's on the back
of a motherfuckin'
milk carton, niggie!

1543
01:19:11,881 --> 01:19:14,115
Good. He may have lived.

1544
01:19:14,117 --> 01:19:15,816
Where's Kisha?

1545
01:19:15,818 --> 01:19:17,518
Nigga, I don't know
where the fuck Kisha
is at, cuz!

1546
01:19:17,520 --> 01:19:20,254
Shh! Shh!
She did this shit!

1547
01:19:20,256 --> 01:19:22,790
The white girl's neck,
snapped it back.

1548
01:19:22,792 --> 01:19:24,125
Kisha did that shit?

1549
01:19:24,127 --> 01:19:26,160
Nigga, that bitch
is gangsta, cuz!

1550
01:19:26,162 --> 01:19:30,331
Shh! I came down to
the basement on some
creep shit, like...

1551
01:19:30,333 --> 01:19:32,933
I was just sittin' here
waitin' for this bitch,
like, "nigga, what?"

1552
01:19:32,935 --> 01:19:34,201
"Bitch, you want
some of this?"

1553
01:19:34,203 --> 01:19:36,003
So I'm gonna sit
here incog-negro

1554
01:19:36,005 --> 01:19:38,239
up under this blanket like,
nigga, like what.

1555
01:19:38,241 --> 01:19:41,342
Let my sneakers be all,
so she be like,
"that nigga dead."

1556
01:19:41,344 --> 01:19:44,879
The throat, like,
"bitch, you want
some of this?"

1557
01:19:44,881 --> 01:19:48,849
You can't kill me!
I'm like a roach!
I don't die, I multiply!

1558
01:19:48,851 --> 01:19:52,486
I got God on my side, bitch!

1559
01:19:52,488 --> 01:19:56,857
<i> Twinkle, twinkle little star</i>

1560
01:19:56,859 --> 01:19:59,026
she's right
behind me, isn't she?

1561
01:19:59,028 --> 01:20:01,796
<i> How I wonder...</i>