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Wechat: NEXIABET Whatsapp: +66944385708 7 00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:44,545 New Orleans! 8 00:00:48,382 --> 00:01:42,010 Yes indeed. 9 00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:54,388 How do we do it, Crescent City? 10 00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:55,973 [applause] 11 00:00:58,934 --> 00:01:02,021 Nice to be at home, baby Nice to be at home! 12 00:01:02,103 --> 00:01:06,608 My friend said, "Dang, you will go down to New Orleans to shoot your special?" 13 00:01:06,692 --> 00:01:08,402 I say, "Yes!" 14 00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:12,072 He said, "What about that crime?" I said, "Yes." 15 00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:14,825 He said, "You might be killed." I said, "Yes." 16 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,746 "But where else do you want to be killed, honey?" 17 00:01:19,830 --> 00:01:22,123 I don't want to be shot dead in Cleveland 18 00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:26,837 I don't want to be shot dead in Seattle. Kill me in New Orleans, baby! 19 00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:28,923 Straight from the French Quarter, 20 00:01:29,048 --> 00:01:33,552 with strippers on my arm and fried shrimp in my mouth! 21 00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:37,723 Nice to be here, man. 22 00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:40,308 I like this city, and it's very dangerous. 23 00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:45,439 The last time I was here, I got a little black widow in March. 24 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:47,441 He is in his 40s. 25 00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:51,152 At this bus stop, man. Directly from the Canal, bro. 26 00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:53,363 Makes me right on the neck, kid. 27 00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:55,365 This bastard is accurate. 28 00:01:58,953 --> 00:02:02,330 It's difficult, man. Being a difficult year... family goods. 29 00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:03,749 You know, always, man 30 00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:07,962 My uncle has just been broken, uh, uh... 31 00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:09,838 [inhaling] 32 00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:12,382 sucking a small penis is really small. 33 00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:20,348 Yes, they got it. 34 00:02:21,934 --> 00:02:27,272 He is my favorite uncle, man. He teaches us how to masturbate, actually. 35 00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:29,149 He doesn't touch us or something. 36 00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:32,736 He just stands up and jerks into the fire at this party 37 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:38,325 I won't say anything. That is his party. 38 00:02:39,994 --> 00:02:43,204 Sometimes you just sit there and become a Christian. 39 00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:51,088 But in his defense, my uncle had a lot of problems in his life. 40 00:02:51,170 --> 00:02:53,841 He usually masturbates in his sleep. 41 00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:56,802 So... I'm not kidding, man. 42 00:02:56,885 --> 00:03:00,472 So they make it using this Jingle bell on his wrist. 43 00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:07,896 But a few nights You will hear it in another room, 44 00:03:07,980 --> 00:03:09,940 ran through snow 45 00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:15,112 You know what I'm saying, jerked my own dick off. 46 00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:20,367 I will make a request. "Play 'Rudolph' Uncle Danny!" 47 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:23,286 "Please sleep!" 48 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:27,041 You say this musical masturbator does not accept requests? 49 00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:30,544 What is this family, bro? 50 00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:33,547 This family tree Hates in its branches. 51 00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:41,596 Many child molesters out there? 52 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:43,515 Don't be offended if you are in the game. 53 00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:49,521 And now, this is like a big problem, I think Like, if you are persecuted, you know. 54 00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:53,650 There is a Child Service, it gets The news is circulating on the Internet. 55 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:56,486 Like, when I was young, you just got persecuted 56 00:03:57,654 --> 00:04:00,657 Remember that, bro? Remember the 80s, man? 57 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:03,744 You have just been persecuted! 58 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:07,581 You have milkshakes and a ride somewhere. 59 00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:10,500 That is the end of your agreement. 60 00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:16,215 When I was young, if you were persecuted, You just returned to your motorcycle 61 00:04:16,297 --> 00:04:20,177 and said, "We don't come here again 62 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:23,097 There is nothing but dick around here." 63 00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:30,812 Look, if I have a dollar for every time I was persecuted... 64 00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:35,483 I definitely like it, four dollars and 50 cents. 65 00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:39,113 Because I entered this oral Denny's pyramid scheme. 66 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:48,663 Parents, you have to be careful when it comes to this kiddy tapping. 67 00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:52,375 You have to be careful when coming into this kiddy tapping. 68 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:56,421 You can't get your child all stay up. 69 00:04:56,504 --> 00:04:58,757 You can't get your boys lisp anyway. 70 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:02,385 Get the zits tightened. Get pro-action on him. 71 00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:04,304 Keep it limp. 72 00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:10,144 And then shock when he gets Selected by small children! 73 00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:12,854 Fuck, you made it all out. 74 00:05:14,106 --> 00:05:20,695 You know who isn't picked, is Ch-Ch-Charlie's little donkey, okay? 75 00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:23,364 Who still has lisp, who gets pimples, 76 00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:27,661 who wraps his bad legs around him good feet when he wants to go somewhere. 77 00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:31,414 Nobody touches Ch-Ch-Charlie's little donkey. 78 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,335 You must think like an enemy. 79 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:41,049 Save your money, give it to your son in the same amount at the age of 18. 80 00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:45,262 Let himself out when he is outside the danger zone 81 00:05:47,346 --> 00:05:48,974 Think about life. 82 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:57,482 Nice to be home, man, I was born about eight blocks away, bro. 83 00:05:57,565 --> 00:06:00,861 So good, man. I have an interesting family growing up. 84 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:03,780 My father is 70 years old When I was born, okay. 85 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,741 Real story. I'm not kidding, my father was born in 1910. 86 00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:08,743 I was born in 1980. 87 00:06:08,827 --> 00:06:11,538 Which basically makes me a stand-up comedian. 88 00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:15,292 It's rather cold to grow with a 70-year-old father, 89 00:06:15,374 --> 00:06:18,461 because of the time we spend. Shortly after I was born, 90 00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:19,462 my father has a stroke 91 00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:22,341 So, we both learn to walk at the same time. 92 00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:27,595 We used to play games like catch or not. 93 00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:34,936 And my favorite: "Do you sleep, or is he no longer with us?" 94 00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:38,232 "It's your turn to endure the mirror under his nose." My mother used to make us hold mirrors Under her nose while napping 95 00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:41,818 to see whether it will run away or not. 96 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,904 I swear to God, don't joke. 97 00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:45,488 And kids in school will be like, "Well, my father can beat your father." 98 00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:49,492 I will like, "Nothing, damn." 99 00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,870 Your father has more organs than my father... 100 00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:55,498 but my father used to bang your grandmother. 101 00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:58,752 Back before they have protection, If everything you wear is hope. 102 00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:04,465 "Do you have a condom?" "No, but I understand this." 103 00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:10,097 104 00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:12,515 That's the Alabama-born control, baby. 105 00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:17,604 And that's cross country line. 106 00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:21,816 And my friends are like, "Theo, you don't make fun of your conception 107 00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:25,112 You must be happy you were born. You are that lucky sperm." 108 00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:26,613 I'm like, "Lucky sperm? 109 00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:29,824 I'm out of a 70-year-old cannon, bro." 110 00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:32,327 I am the only sperm. 111 00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:37,416 I have to turn off the beans. I have to close all windows, 112 00:07:37,498 --> 00:07:39,667 damn 'broom up 113 00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:46,174 On the way out, I pass the sperm framework 114 00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:49,970 use the "Vote for Lyndon B. Johnson" button. 115 00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:55,600 That's not an orgasm. That's a musket fire. 116 00:07:56,476 --> 00:08:00,355 So when I say I'm happy to be somewhere, I'm just happy. 117 00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:01,689 Wherever 118 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:05,777 Except at Denny's. They are many child molesters there 119 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:09,114 Do you have Denny here? 120 00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:10,615 -Yes. -Yes! 121 00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:12,367 Fuck Denny's, bruh. 122 00:08:12,451 --> 00:08:14,494 Fuck Denny's, man. 123 00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:17,456 I hope people will stop shoot to the cinema 124 00:08:17,538 --> 00:08:19,958 and Denny's damn firing, okay. 125 00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:22,210 Because if you are shot at Denny's, 126 00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,463 that to you, playboy 127 00:08:24,545 --> 00:08:29,176 Request respect and bring your family to IHOP like a real man. 128 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:33,805 Denny sucks. Everything at Denny's tastes like eggs and onions. 129 00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:35,223 Everything. 130 00:08:35,307 --> 00:08:37,558 Air, cake, 131 00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:41,104 even silver if you just run there and lick them. 132 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,981 That place is shithole. 133 00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:46,567 What do they clean with tables? Syrup? 134 00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:49,863 Like once you sit down, you can't even wake up. 135 00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:52,615 "I think we stay for lunch. I'm stuck!" 136 00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:58,538 And all servants look like bad luck in every location 137 00:08:58,621 --> 00:09:00,040 How do they do it? 138 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,793 They even have job applications? 139 00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:08,589 Or they only have a special mirror, and if you look like garbage... 140 00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:11,301 then you are on staff, Cynthia. 141 00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:13,678 But you have to wear a hat, 142 00:09:13,761 --> 00:09:17,098 Because nothing looks better than nonsense in the hat! 143 00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:20,643 "Wear your hat, damn it. Waffles." 144 00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:24,689 Fuckin 'hates Denny's, bro. 145 00:09:24,772 --> 00:09:27,484 And half the waiter brought a mustache. 146 00:09:28,609 --> 00:09:31,279 Will you shave your woman, Denny? 147 00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:34,991 Shave your woman before You put them on the dance floor. 148 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,743 Lady looks like a damn cat. 149 00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:39,954 "Meow Meadow! Meow-come to Denny's! all run out of milk. " 150 00:09:40,038 --> 00:09:41,706 Fuckin 'hates Denny's, bro. 151 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,666 152 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:48,129 153 00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:50,965 154 00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,633 155 00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:55,636 I hate Denny's, and I keep going back there! 156 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,805 I keep coming back. 157 00:09:57,889 --> 00:10:01,642 This is me every time I leave Denny's. "Man, fuck this place, man." 158 00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:04,645 A week later, "Yes, ma'am, table for one. 159 00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:06,856 Near the window? Yes, ma'am, thank you. Yes. 160 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:10,360 Thank you. " 161 00:10:10,444 --> 00:10:11,445 Fuckin 'hates Denny's, man. 162 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:14,448 Oh, I don't know why it just makes me very angry 163 00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:17,825 I have to stop, man. I will stop 164 00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:20,912 I often go a lot My ex-girlfriend lives at Denny's, 165 00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:24,458 Because he is a drug addict. 166 00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:26,126 167 00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,294 And... 168 00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:29,921 So, I usually go there and use shiter, 169 00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:32,299 Because I don't want to use them in his house. 170 00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:33,967 So I will use Denny's shy. 171 00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:36,177 But no more, man. Fuck that, man. 172 00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:39,514 I will be annoying outside, kid, like one of God's sons. Raise. 173 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:48,231 What else happened, man? 174 00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:51,234 Just now chasin 'is hos, really. 175 00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:54,862 There are no violations, hos. Just trying to meet a nice woman. 176 00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:56,948 I see some of you have one. Good to you 177 00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:58,825 Some beautiful women here tonight. 178 00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:02,120 It's difficult, you have to have money today to get a woman 179 00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:03,871 And I don't blame you women. 180 00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:06,374 Who wants to make love with poor guys? 181 00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:08,209 That's evil. 182 00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:15,091 You finish banging it, You just put it there all poor. 183 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:20,096 "Can I make towels that don't fit? One of the other towels? 184 00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,183 What about some chips? 185 00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:26,520 Want to divide a bag of chips with daddy? 186 00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:31,732 Some chips, baby. Want calories to rise bang, wild cat? " 187 00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:37,197 Must have money to get women, man. You have to have good nonsense 188 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:40,450 I don't have nonsense. I have another nonsense. 189 00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:42,243 I don't have a nice apartment. 190 00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:46,914 This is how I cheat, I put everything I have The best thing is near the door, right? 191 00:11:46,998 --> 00:11:49,209 So it looks good when you enter. 192 00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:52,462 "Yeah, take another step to the new toaster! 193 00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:53,796 Good! 194 00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:58,468 Just set your bag with the Sopranos box. 195 00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:00,136 Haters welcome." - [audience member] Yep! -I don't have a good car. 196 00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:04,098 I have a car where you act like you don't remember where you parked, 197 00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:07,519 but you stand Right next to your car. 198 00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,896 199 00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:14,192 And when no one sees, you damn 'come in and you run away. 200 00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:17,070 It looks like you stole your own car 201 00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:21,366 You tell your friend it's rent. 202 00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:24,994 They are like, "They are renting A deal for people?" 203 00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:31,418 Like, "Yes, I just drive it for charity, actually, yes. 204 00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:35,338 Yes, every time I lock it, A blind child can see four seconds. 205 00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,131 So he gets that pop, you know. 206 00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:41,428 So, I get a lot of speeding tickets, you know, for the dark little donkey. " 207 00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:46,224 Don't be offended, if someone is blind too. 208 00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:50,687 My friend Maurice is blind, and he says it's not that bad. 209 00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:57,318 But you have to have money to get the women 210 00:12:57,402 --> 00:13:00,572 If you don't have money, you must have Other money: medicine. 211 00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:02,741 Especially at L.A., Man, that's where I live now. 212 00:13:02,823 --> 00:13:05,118 They are girls out there a bunch of coke ghosts. 213 00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:06,578 That's what I call them. 214 00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:09,122 Coke-ghost, baby, because they are not visible 215 00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:11,499 They don't answer your calls, your text, 216 00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,918 but you are out a small bag of caine-caine, 217 00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:16,296 they are fucking 'appear out of thin air 218 00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:17,880 Like, "Blow! 219 00:13:18,089 --> 00:13:21,301 Blow!" 220 00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:24,803 Then they get angry when you want get them on the sheets 221 00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:27,557 I'm like, "Bitch, you're a ghost! 222 00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:30,310 This is your natural outfit. 223 00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:31,810 Now come to daddy." 224 00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:36,815 And if you don't have money or medicine, you have to be yourself. 225 00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:40,069 Fuck that, man. 226 00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:43,740 The last thing I did was to be myself. Not on my watch! 227 00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:48,244 What will I say to a girl? "Hey, my name is Theo. 228 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:51,498 For the most part, I'm just Netflix and my hope continues." 229 00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:57,128 You will be alone forever! 230 00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:01,675 But lately you don't have to do it on your own because they have internet. 231 00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,259 You can be whatever you want. 232 00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,886 You can become pineapple. You can die 233 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,474 You can be whatever you want, man. 234 00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:11,392 I met a girl recently online. 235 00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:14,020 I hit it, I said, "Let's have coffee." 236 00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:16,897 So, he wrote me back. He said, "Coffee is boring. 237 00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:20,485 Have you not read my profile? I am adventurous. 238 00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:25,156 239 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:31,871 And there's no budget for me there parachuting-for-don't know-bitch money. 240 00:14:34,332 --> 00:14:38,419 That nonsense isn't hittin 'my essence. I keep an unknown bitch at sea level. 241 00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:43,341 So, I reply. I said, "Okay, listen here, fancy, 242 00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:46,803 I happen to live on the 11th floor of my building. 243 00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:52,350 Why don't you come here, I will help you from the balcony 244 00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:54,268 in a windbreaker. 245 00:14:54,352 --> 00:14:57,605 If you still feel all adventurous In a flower bed, 246 00:14:57,689 --> 00:15:00,692 I will get your new crippled butt then coffee. 247 00:15:00,775 --> 00:15:03,236 But caffeine won't save your feet, 248 00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:04,738 249 00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:06,614 And now I'm angry. 250 00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:10,326 Now, I am angry at a woman that I have never met. 251 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:11,952 Thank you, internet 252 00:15:12,953 --> 00:15:17,333 Do you know how it feels angry? on bitches you don't even know? 253 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,627 My friend like Sherman, "What's wrong?" 254 00:15:19,711 --> 00:15:20,920 I'm like, "This whore!" 255 00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:23,631 He is like, "Who?" I like, "I don't know! 256 00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:26,718 Invisible prostitute, Sherman! 257 00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:30,764 She's a skydiver. Let's wait for her ass." 258 00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:36,143 "How do we know when he arrived here? is he not seen?" 259 00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:37,771 "I don't know! 260 00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:41,566 Wait until you feel 'bitch' in the air. That might be him! " 261 00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:45,945 He is like," Relax, Little Bear. You need to go to yoga, Little Bear. " 262 00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:48,698 " Stop fucking ' call me' Little Bear, 'Sherman. 263 00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:51,117 Little bears aren't in their 30s, you're stupid. " 264 00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:56,831 I get frustrated, man. 265 00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:59,041 I feel frustrated easily, you know. 266 00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:01,294 Have you ever felt frustrated, man? 267 00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:03,671 - [man] at any time. -How do you relax? 268 00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:07,174 You are not [laughs] Okay, right. 269 00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:10,553 You are just gon 'anyway Emphasize until you pop, huh? 270 00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,221 That's one way to do it, man. 271 00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,890 Takes you to heaven 272 00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:18,185 But, yes, it's hard, man, It's hard to relax. 273 00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,481 I'm not good at that, man. 274 00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:25,025 I tried marijuana. I know a lot of people in marijuan. 275 00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:26,569 And I'm not good at them, man. 276 00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:29,447 I get high, I just get real paranoid, do you know? 277 00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:32,742 It's like my whole head turns into a haunted house. 278 00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:36,788 I'm like, "What's that? 279 00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,081 Oh, an idea. 280 00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:45,713 It's strong, guys." 281 00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:49,383 Then I tried yoga. I don't know if you have been to yoga. 282 00:16:49,467 --> 00:16:52,595 I don't know if you've ever been to this agreement? Good? 283 00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:55,723 If you haven't, it's like... 284 00:16:56,223 --> 00:16:59,602 It's like fucking, But alone, it's actually slow. 285 00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:03,314 And that's weird Because all the women are there 286 00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:05,859 sweating from the groin a little. 287 00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:08,695 What is the agreement, miss? Are you a little? 288 00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:10,864 What happened? 289 00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,365 What is happening? 290 00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:16,076 Put a little powder on your pants before you enter there Starch up! 291 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,872 Pati, drink Red Bull, "G" up! 292 00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:22,458 What, you hide your armpits in your groin? Live together! 293 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,627 Huh? Hah? 294 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:27,505 Use a cup, we don't care. Just collect it. 295 00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:30,466 What if I travel around just rot on the ball all day 296 00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:34,345 like I have a little St. Bernard live behind my nut? 297 00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:36,597 "Back there, buddy. Back there." 298 00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:40,476 "G" up, woman. 299 00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:45,982 They need to get out of yoga marketing to dudes. Yoga is not for dudes. 300 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:49,151 "Hey, bro, want lots of nonsense You can't do it?" 301 00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:52,446 "Fuck, no, you're crawling." 302 00:17:54,866 --> 00:17:57,076 Touch my feet I don't touch my feet. 303 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:02,707 That's why God put them there, so I won't play with them, 304 00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:04,417 You're a small sinner 305 00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,794 Yoga is not for dudes, man. 306 00:18:06,878 --> 00:18:10,882 If my grandfather enters six His friends stretch themselves at the same time, 307 00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:13,175 He hits them with a damn shovel, okay? 308 00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:14,802 This nonsense is not Christian! 309 00:18:14,886 --> 00:18:18,097 "You guys are stretching and not even know each other's names! 310 00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:20,892 What are you doing? Look at your life!" 311 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:28,107 Then they have guys who work in yoga studios. 312 00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:31,485 It looks like he was fired from the Renaissance exhibition. 313 00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:33,947 He is like, "You do a good job." 314 00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:36,240 I'm like, "Who are you?" 315 00:18:36,323 --> 00:18:37,700 He is like, "Open your hips." 316 00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:39,994 "I will damage your linoleum. 317 00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:43,081 I will be bad luck here, bro. 318 00:18:43,163 --> 00:18:44,791 I'm a bad place, okay 319 00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:47,085 Don't make me make this one from them. " 320 00:18:49,087 --> 00:18:50,379 Yoga is not for dudes. 321 00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:55,384 You want yoga classes for men, These are the classes, okay? 322 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,804 This is called" Simon Says Do not Fart. " minutes. Everybody farts, admits, 323 00:18:57,887 --> 00:18:59,597 introduces themselves to others in the room, Not this cat manufacturer they runnin '. 324 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:03,225 I hate fartin'. 325 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,770 I do I always. 326 00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:07,480 I always have, okay 327 00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:09,983 328 00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:14,112 329 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:21,494 330 00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,413 331 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:27,416 332 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,335 I just hate it. I just don't-- 333 00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:32,546 I don't believe, man. 334 00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:35,967 Can you believe we are still fartin '? Our farters. 335 00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:39,137 We think we know something? Our farters. 336 00:19:39,219 --> 00:19:43,474 We fly out of the air our butt when we want it. 337 00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:45,935 What's up, people 338 00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:49,147 I have an application on my cell phone that can take my blood pressure, 339 00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:52,859 but my asshole still lives in the Wild West. 340 00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:58,322 If Apple wants to spend half an hour on our sphincters, 341 00:19:58,405 --> 00:20:00,825 we will not have this problem! 342 00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:02,743 Bring back Jobs! 343 00:20:06,413 --> 00:20:08,041 I hate farting, man. 344 00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:12,837 It's like your booty tries to tell everyone's secrets. 345 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:16,049 It's like, "Don't kiss it, You will know everything!" 346 00:20:18,258 --> 00:20:21,428 The worst is when you are alone, live in your home, 347 00:20:21,512 --> 00:20:23,014 and you are alone in the living room 348 00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:25,725 and you fucking cut a small bud up into the air, kid, 349 00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:27,060 Because you know what happened, 350 00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,269 Because you might go to heaven. 351 00:20:29,353 --> 00:20:33,900 Then someone comes to the room Because they want to "tell you something." 352 00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:37,319 Now you have to kiss everything before they approach you like-- 353 00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:41,532 [inhaling, exhaling] 354 00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:43,910 "Hey, Danny!" 355 00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:46,120 You try to talk so hard, they can't smell. 356 00:20:46,204 --> 00:20:47,830 "How are you? 357 00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:51,291 Let's talk on the wall. We never do that! 358 00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:56,255 Let's chat outside. It's raining? Who cares! We're young!" I hate fartin '. 359 00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:59,592 We must defeat him, man. 360 00:21:05,098 --> 00:21:06,306 We must defeat it. 361 00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:08,893 I think we will 362 00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:12,354 Who even found fartin '? Have you ever asked yourself? 363 00:21:14,232 --> 00:21:17,151 Or you just fuckin 'fartin', you goosebumps. 364 00:21:17,235 --> 00:21:19,904 Maybe someone from Mississippi, okay? 365 00:21:22,907 --> 00:21:26,452 I don't know whether you guys have been to Mississippi or not 366 00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:29,622 367 00:21:29,705 --> 00:21:34,085 If not, let me save you a little money on the trip, okay? 368 00:21:34,168 --> 00:21:36,963 Go home, urinate in your toilet, 369 00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:39,132 and then enter there with that. 370 00:21:39,215 --> 00:21:43,510 "Ooh! Mississippi!" 371 00:21:43,594 --> 00:21:47,140 That place is shithole, man. 372 00:21:47,223 --> 00:21:52,352 They need to give it to Palestinians and solve damn world problems, okay? 373 00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:55,231 They still have slaves there! 374 00:21:55,273 --> 00:21:58,358 I was there a month ago, I pumped gas to the gas station, 375 00:21:58,442 --> 00:22:00,069 a brother comes out of the bush, 376 00:22:00,153 --> 00:22:03,405 He is like, "You got news from the North?" 377 00:22:04,157 --> 00:22:06,533 Like, fuck this place, man! 378 00:22:07,367 --> 00:22:11,497 We need to bring Morgan Freeman out of there and then bomb the place. 379 00:22:12,456 --> 00:22:16,043 Not with bombs, but there are those ' ' that really scare them: book! 380 00:22:16,127 --> 00:22:19,338 [shouting] "Algebra!" 381 00:22:20,923 --> 00:22:23,176 Fuckin 'hates Mississippi, man. 382 00:22:23,259 --> 00:22:25,678 Don't be offended if you from Mississippi too 383 00:22:31,100 --> 00:22:32,601 I don't know anymore, man. 384 00:22:33,769 --> 00:22:36,189 I just don't know what God wants us to do [sighs] 385 00:22:40,734 --> 00:22:41,694 So I decided I had to get off Interwebs. 386 00:22:41,777 --> 00:22:44,655 I'm trying to meet a woman on Interwebs. 387 00:22:44,738 --> 00:22:47,491 Electric man 388 00:22:47,574 --> 00:22:49,910 And I said I had to meet a woman ancient ways. People interaction 389 00:22:49,994 --> 00:22:53,747 390 00:22:53,831 --> 00:22:56,750 I said I would ask out the next woman I saw 391 00:22:56,834 --> 00:22:58,711 to practice asking women to come out, 392 00:22:58,794 --> 00:23:00,504 to practice ridin 'the motorbike, 393 00:23:00,587 --> 00:23:02,422 Because I forgot what it feels like. 394 00:23:02,506 --> 00:23:05,509 So I met a girl, She has brown teeth. 395 00:23:05,592 --> 00:23:07,427 Only one, hater. 396 00:23:08,929 --> 00:23:10,139 But I'm a Christian. 397 00:23:10,223 --> 00:23:13,934 I will see the rest, see what else God has built 398 00:23:14,018 --> 00:23:17,521 around this small slum city in its mouth, 399 00:23:17,604 --> 00:23:20,774 around this little Bethlehem. 400 00:23:20,858 --> 00:23:25,988 I don't know his life. Maybe he was hit by with something brown right in the tooth. 401 00:23:26,072 --> 00:23:29,033 Maybe someone has something brown and they throw it somewhere 402 00:23:29,116 --> 00:23:31,827 and he is somewhere and he gets hit. 403 00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:34,205 Good. I don't know his life. 404 00:23:34,288 --> 00:23:36,623 "Knock, tap." "Who is there?" "His life." 405 00:23:36,707 --> 00:23:38,125 "I don't know you, bro." 406 00:23:39,919 --> 00:23:42,296 So I asked her to date, right? 407 00:23:42,380 --> 00:23:45,049 [laughs] He said no. 408 00:23:46,424 --> 00:23:49,053 I like, "You have brown teeth, women! 409 00:23:49,136 --> 00:23:51,389 Your face is dying! 410 00:23:51,471 --> 00:23:53,224 Your face is dying, okay? 411 00:23:53,307 --> 00:23:56,476 You are some sweets from being jack-o'-lantern, 412 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:57,937 You sugar whore small. 413 00:24:01,941 --> 00:24:04,318 At least let me take you out for salad, girly 414 00:24:04,402 --> 00:24:06,195 Get some baby carrots in your mouth. 415 00:24:06,279 --> 00:24:11,409 Get some vitamins in your system. Give your grill back to his feet. " 416 00:24:11,491 --> 00:24:13,202 Because who should I ask, 417 00:24:13,286 --> 00:24:17,373 if someone whose face Does the rottin 'of their body say no? 418 00:24:18,582 --> 00:24:20,584 Huh? A headless woman? 419 00:24:20,667 --> 00:24:23,045 Where I will meet a woman without head, huh? A headless woman who only wears her hat in her neck stub and goes to the bank? I just cut a small piece of from steak and just... 420 00:24:23,129 --> 00:24:27,967 421 00:24:29,218 --> 00:24:32,430 422 00:24:33,513 --> 00:24:35,015 423 00:24:35,099 --> 00:24:37,601 424 00:24:37,684 --> 00:24:39,895 just shake them into the neck hole? 425 00:24:40,938 --> 00:24:42,564 That's not true. 426 00:24:48,362 --> 00:24:52,741 And I'm not gay, man. There are too many gays out there. 427 00:24:52,825 --> 00:24:54,576 How many gays are out there, bro? 428 00:24:54,660 --> 00:24:57,955 - [man] One hundred million. -No, not one hundred million. 429 00:24:58,038 --> 00:25:00,040 Are you crazy, man? 430 00:25:00,124 --> 00:25:04,337 Bro, they will - They will be under everything, man. 431 00:25:06,005 --> 00:25:10,134 Bro, no Not one hundred million. Maybe eighty thousand. 432 00:25:10,217 --> 00:25:12,136 Ninety thousand. Maybe. 433 00:25:12,219 --> 00:25:14,847 With Obama in the office, who knows? He might... 434 00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:17,433 buy gay from another country, maybe... 435 00:25:17,515 --> 00:25:20,853 Yes. Maybe gettin ' a group of gay Chinese soon. 436 00:25:20,936 --> 00:25:23,105 We don't know, what I'm saying 437 00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:27,109 We don't know how many people this little monkey, guys 438 00:25:30,029 --> 00:25:32,406 We don't know. 439 00:25:32,490 --> 00:25:35,659 And this is the kicker. Science still considers a monkey doing this. 440 00:25:35,742 --> 00:25:38,871 Uh, hello, science Some monkeys do this, okay? 441 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:42,666 Don't be offended if you are gay too. 442 00:25:45,878 --> 00:25:50,590 I mean, I might suck a little dick about 80. Know what I'm saying, bro? 443 00:25:50,674 --> 00:25:53,427 You suck a little dick at 80? 444 00:25:53,511 --> 00:25:55,721 Come on, you come in? 445 00:25:55,804 --> 00:25:58,391 Huh? For what For suckin 'dick! 446 00:25:58,474 --> 00:26:00,142 At 80, bro? 447 00:26:00,226 --> 00:26:01,394 Are you busy? 448 00:26:03,354 --> 00:26:06,357 You don't do anything at age 80, just sit near the window 449 00:26:07,066 --> 00:26:09,485 Wherever you go at the age of 80, they put you near the window. 450 00:26:09,567 --> 00:26:11,445 "Put the Pop-Pop near the window! 451 00:26:11,529 --> 00:26:13,780 Pop-Pop here, put it near the window!" 452 00:26:13,864 --> 00:26:16,158 They are not even unlucky to ask Pop-Pop. 453 00:26:16,242 --> 00:26:18,785 Damn window, they just wheel you there. 454 00:26:18,869 --> 00:26:21,621 "That's Pop-Pop. It's your window." 455 00:26:21,705 --> 00:26:26,210 You will not return back someday and huff your child off once? 456 00:26:26,293 --> 00:26:29,922 Add a little taste to the life of Pop-Pop. Come on, man. 457 00:26:31,173 --> 00:26:34,552 This is not gay at the age of 80, bro. Very cold. 458 00:26:35,969 --> 00:26:39,098 Same as, "Grandpa is crazy. 459 00:26:39,848 --> 00:26:41,683 But he remains active." 460 00:26:44,562 --> 00:26:47,481 What do you worry about, that feeling? 461 00:26:47,565 --> 00:26:49,442 You won't feel it. 462 00:26:49,525 --> 00:26:51,944 At 80, bro, you won't feel it, man. 463 00:26:52,027 --> 00:26:54,488 You don't have the feeling of left in your mouth at 80! 464 00:26:54,572 --> 00:26:56,949 All your feelings go to heaven. 465 00:26:57,032 --> 00:26:59,535 Everything feels like warm water. 466 00:26:59,617 --> 00:27:03,372 Maybe like someone who tried to sneak out fish into your mouth 467 00:27:03,456 --> 00:27:05,874 "Who tried to give me this fish stick? 468 00:27:05,958 --> 00:27:08,377 Old Pop-Pop doesn't order fish sticks!" 469 00:27:09,462 --> 00:27:13,299 It might be like eating a hot dog _ it fights a little. 470 00:27:15,426 --> 00:27:17,136 Come on, man. 471 00:27:17,970 --> 00:27:21,599 Are you afraid to suck a little dick? That's the coolest thing I've ever heard. 472 00:27:26,145 --> 00:27:27,729 You have changed, man 473 00:27:29,856 --> 00:27:32,568 Being gay has changed, man. 474 00:27:32,650 --> 00:27:35,446 Being gay changes. Now gay dudes are the same as, "I'm gay!" 475 00:27:35,529 --> 00:27:38,324 It's okay. That is how is always supposed to be 476 00:27:38,407 --> 00:27:41,076 Don't forget OGs from games, baby 477 00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:43,829 Don't forget father and stepfather, 478 00:27:43,912 --> 00:27:46,457 who will meet behind Shoney's at their lunch break 479 00:27:46,540 --> 00:27:49,585 and tug uglies and return home to their families and children. 480 00:27:49,667 --> 00:27:51,878 Let's enjoy a big round of applause for those people 481 00:27:53,046 --> 00:27:56,342 OGs, baby The Original Gays. 482 00:28:01,639 --> 00:28:03,932 Some people are too gay lately, though, bro. 483 00:28:04,016 --> 00:28:07,769 Super gay, kind of gay dudes where even my gay friends like, 484 00:28:07,853 --> 00:28:10,272 "This slut needs to relax a little." 485 00:28:12,816 --> 00:28:15,027 This person approached me One day at L.A., man. 486 00:28:15,110 --> 00:28:18,531 He has all the items in the Easter basket 487 00:28:18,614 --> 00:28:23,494 He has a telephone and money in the Easter basket 488 00:28:23,577 --> 00:28:26,455 And he said he was lost, he needed directions 489 00:28:26,539 --> 00:28:29,249 I said, "I can't help you go anywhere, bro, 490 00:28:29,333 --> 00:28:32,252 not if you frikking bring your own Easter." 491 00:28:33,337 --> 00:28:35,422 You can always find super gay guys. 492 00:28:35,506 --> 00:28:38,133 And there are always white guys who are frikking. 493 00:28:38,217 --> 00:28:40,927 And he always stands a place like this 494 00:28:41,011 --> 00:28:43,514 And he always comes in a problematic environment 495 00:28:43,597 --> 00:28:45,599 And he stands there like this. 496 00:28:45,974 --> 00:28:49,936 [trembling] 497 00:28:52,523 --> 00:28:54,983 Like someone who defeated him with a soft cold penis, 498 00:28:55,067 --> 00:28:57,486 But nobody beat it with a soft cold penis! 499 00:28:57,570 --> 00:28:59,405 This is in his brain. 500 00:29:01,865 --> 00:29:05,744 And he's in Daisy Dukes, But more Daisy than Duke. Good? 501 00:29:05,827 --> 00:29:09,039 And he has bright white feet, Like, white Boo-Radley, 502 00:29:09,122 --> 00:29:12,167 like a high soft cream bag hold it 503 00:29:12,251 --> 00:29:14,086 And he doesn't even look like someone else. 504 00:29:14,169 --> 00:29:17,756 He looks like a premature baby Someone stretches really high 505 00:29:17,839 --> 00:29:19,299 and put a small tank on it. 506 00:29:19,383 --> 00:29:21,927 And it seems like he doesn't even have a spine on his body Like, in the morning He falls like this in a small pile. 507 00:29:22,010 --> 00:29:25,013 And then he just... [sipping] 508 00:29:25,097 --> 00:29:26,265 caught the smell of a penis in the distance, 509 00:29:26,348 --> 00:29:28,601 and it has been holding it all day. 510 00:29:28,684 --> 00:29:31,103 Like, come on, bro. That's super gay right? 511 00:29:31,186 --> 00:29:34,189 What if I just impersonate super fucking straight all day long? 512 00:29:34,273 --> 00:29:37,817 513 00:29:37,901 --> 00:29:43,115 I just got up and started throwing Ball balls in hot bitches all day long. 514 00:29:43,198 --> 00:29:46,660 Or eat raw meat and defecate in a race car? 515 00:29:46,744 --> 00:29:48,746 They will take me to jail. 516 00:29:50,456 --> 00:29:54,585 But bro-bro doing BYO Easter, and I have to act like everything is normal? 517 00:29:54,668 --> 00:29:56,670 Come on, man! 518 00:29:56,754 --> 00:29:59,298 Be ordinary gay, man. 519 00:30:00,340 --> 00:30:02,342 You don't win something '. 520 00:30:05,137 --> 00:30:08,890 Because we all have become little gays, bro. You've been there Just nod. 521 00:30:11,143 --> 00:30:14,271 I'm gay, bro. I will tell you, man. 522 00:30:14,354 --> 00:30:17,065 The first time I was gay, I was 11 years old, okay 523 00:30:17,149 --> 00:30:19,401 The only time I was 11 years old. 524 00:30:20,402 --> 00:30:22,404 And I'm in the cinema in my city. 525 00:30:22,488 --> 00:30:25,073 I grew up in a small town called Covington, Louisiana, 526 00:30:25,157 --> 00:30:27,785 not far from here okay? You know it? 527 00:30:28,327 --> 00:30:30,829 Beautiful place, man. A beautiful place. 528 00:30:30,912 --> 00:30:33,165 Lee Harvey Oswald goes to our high school. 529 00:30:33,248 --> 00:30:37,043 Real story. Pistol Pete Maravich lives and dies in our city. 530 00:30:37,127 --> 00:30:39,171 So... two good shooters. 531 00:30:41,047 --> 00:30:44,718 Tulane University has the center for primate testing facilities in the city, 532 00:30:44,802 --> 00:30:47,304 and in 1994, 70 infected monkeys came out, 533 00:30:47,387 --> 00:30:51,183 and they let us out of the YMCA summer camp to help the police find them. 534 00:30:51,266 --> 00:30:54,812 So what is that? have you finished with your life? 535 00:30:54,894 --> 00:30:58,816 Until you and 11 children You barely know about wet swimsuits 536 00:30:58,940 --> 00:31:02,486 has surrounded six chimpanzees outside Kenny Rogers Roasters, 537 00:31:02,569 --> 00:31:05,197 You might really not know yourself. 538 00:31:10,577 --> 00:31:12,454 I am in a cinema in our city. 539 00:31:12,538 --> 00:31:14,748 I was there with my boyfriend. He looks like a boy. 540 00:31:14,832 --> 00:31:18,585 But it's not a gay part of the story, what is it, conclusion-jumpers? 541 00:31:18,669 --> 00:31:21,672 He looks like a boy because They only have one haircut in our city 542 00:31:21,755 --> 00:31:23,382 because Mr. Ray is our bus driver. 543 00:31:23,465 --> 00:31:27,052 On the third Thursday of this month, He will park the bus on the way home. 544 00:31:27,135 --> 00:31:29,638 You have three dollars, You will hold your money. 545 00:31:29,722 --> 00:31:30,972 He is also a barber. 546 00:31:31,056 --> 00:31:33,392 He will take pictures of all the people who have their money. 547 00:31:33,475 --> 00:31:38,397 He only knows one hairstyle. It's good like Polish lesbian lessons. 548 00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:41,024 However, that month my daughter and I had a little spending money and we sit in the cinema. Our nonsense 549 00:31:41,107 --> 00:31:44,069 Well, the film that had come to town was called Pumpkinhead. A creepy film 550 00:31:45,404 --> 00:31:49,825 It is a film that was built because of fear. 551 00:31:49,908 --> 00:31:51,993 552 00:31:52,077 --> 00:31:54,496 So we sit there, just ready to be afraid 553 00:31:54,580 --> 00:31:57,750 There is an old boy sitting beside me. He is 16 years old. 554 00:31:57,833 --> 00:32:01,545 During the film, he got himself a handwork from his girlfriend, 555 00:32:01,628 --> 00:32:04,172 and he ejaculates into my arm. 556 00:32:05,965 --> 00:32:07,926 That is a decent amount. 557 00:32:09,052 --> 00:32:13,849 And I only have hands for 11 years at that time, so it seems more than that. 558 00:32:13,932 --> 00:32:16,142 But he really watered me. 559 00:32:17,394 --> 00:32:20,689 And I like, "Damn, man. They caught me," You know? 560 00:32:20,773 --> 00:32:22,524 "I'm gay." 561 00:32:22,608 --> 00:32:24,651 So... I'm not kidding, man. 562 00:32:24,735 --> 00:32:28,697 For three months, I thought I was a young homosexual. You know? 563 00:32:28,781 --> 00:32:33,452 And I broke up with my girlfriend. I started jogging. 564 00:32:35,662 --> 00:32:41,293 And then I sat there at Christmas, I cried and used all of these scarves. 565 00:32:41,376 --> 00:32:42,586 I'm serious, man 566 00:32:42,669 --> 00:32:44,880 My brother is like, "How are you, man? 567 00:32:44,963 --> 00:32:47,633 My mother is upset You wear all her shawls." I like, "I'm a young homosexual, man. 568 00:32:47,716 --> 00:32:50,260 We are just trying to live our lives." 569 00:32:50,343 --> 00:32:52,930 He is like, "What are you talking about?" 570 00:32:53,012 --> 00:32:55,348 "They bring people in Labuhead. And they catch me. 571 00:32:55,432 --> 00:32:59,686 Where are you?" 572 00:32:59,770 --> 00:33:01,438 573 00:33:01,521 --> 00:33:03,816 He is like, "I don't know whether you are gay or not, 574 00:33:03,899 --> 00:33:07,152 but you are the most stupid person I have met in my life." 575 00:33:07,235 --> 00:33:09,738 Then he hit my ass, actually. 576 00:33:09,822 --> 00:33:11,239 Is that hate crime? 577 00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:14,827 I think I hate-criminals, man. 578 00:33:14,910 --> 00:33:16,829 I know I think I hate-criticized. 579 00:33:20,123 --> 00:33:24,920 But this is the wild part of the story. This is where God really steps in 580 00:33:25,003 --> 00:33:27,422 Because a fellow who gets ridiculed to me... 581 00:33:28,841 --> 00:33:30,175 he died. 582 00:33:31,259 --> 00:33:34,930 He died. He died. He died. [repeats] 583 00:33:35,013 --> 00:33:37,641 He died. He died... 584 00:33:37,724 --> 00:33:42,061 He died in a car accident. He died of natural causes by a car. 585 00:33:43,229 --> 00:33:45,231 Sometimes I will sit somewhere... 586 00:33:45,315 --> 00:33:47,484 thinking or not thinking about something, 587 00:33:47,567 --> 00:33:49,569 waiting for a thought to come and find me 588 00:33:50,988 --> 00:33:52,990 And I will feel like... 589 00:33:53,072 --> 00:33:55,742 Let me say this correctly. I will feel like... 590 00:33:55,826 --> 00:33:58,244 It's like a little arm. 591 00:33:58,328 --> 00:34:00,079 I swear to God, man. 592 00:34:00,163 --> 00:34:04,584 Because I will only sit there do nothing, or maybe do something. 593 00:34:04,668 --> 00:34:07,337 And my hand will go like that. 594 00:34:07,420 --> 00:34:09,631 But I don't want anything. 595 00:34:09,715 --> 00:34:12,175 But it seems like he wants something. 596 00:34:13,593 --> 00:34:17,222 Like he tried to get something. Like he wants candy. 597 00:34:17,305 --> 00:34:19,641 Because I won't be so reaching without sweets 598 00:34:19,725 --> 00:34:22,143 Because I know we don't store candy in the house. 599 00:34:22,227 --> 00:34:26,064 It's like he grabbed candy, Like, he tried to get butterscotch. 600 00:34:33,363 --> 00:34:37,116 The second time I was gay was when I met Brad Pitt. 601 00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:39,828 Because I met Brad Pitt, man. I did it. I met Brad Pitt. 602 00:34:39,912 --> 00:34:42,622 The original, the only God ever made. 603 00:34:42,706 --> 00:34:45,042 Meet his ass, okay? 604 00:34:45,124 --> 00:34:47,502 This is what happened. Listen, haters. 605 00:34:48,712 --> 00:34:50,463 So today is beautiful. 606 00:34:51,673 --> 00:34:55,218 Because Brad only lived on a beautiful day. 607 00:34:55,301 --> 00:34:59,222 And I walk. I will an audition on a lot of Fox in Los Angeles. 608 00:34:59,305 --> 00:35:03,476 Maybe for big films like League from their own II or something heavy. 609 00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:05,645 The sun hits me when I walk. 610 00:35:05,729 --> 00:35:09,900 The light just dropped and only touched me on my neck and hair. 611 00:35:09,983 --> 00:35:13,820 Like God caressing me, Let me know I'm still his son. 612 00:35:13,904 --> 00:35:15,697 In the distance I see a man, right? 613 00:35:15,781 --> 00:35:18,992 I say a man, but I'm talking about the most beautiful woman 614 00:35:19,076 --> 00:35:21,703 You have seen men wrapped up. 615 00:35:21,787 --> 00:35:24,539 He doesn't even look human. He looks like... 616 00:35:24,623 --> 00:35:28,710 Poseidon has put together a secret little baby boys go down in the ocean 617 00:35:28,794 --> 00:35:30,545 And when the child grows up, 618 00:35:30,629 --> 00:35:33,172 He places it on land and says, "Go, kid. 619 00:35:33,256 --> 00:35:34,883 You live there now." 620 00:35:34,967 --> 00:35:38,261 Immediately, I'm gay. Good? 621 00:35:38,344 --> 00:35:40,847 Like - Poof - Gay. 622 00:35:41,723 --> 00:35:45,393 So, I walked and he walked, We both went to the same building. 623 00:35:45,477 --> 00:35:46,311 This is a true story. 624 00:35:46,394 --> 00:35:48,772 I don't even know if Brad Pitt goes on again, 625 00:35:48,855 --> 00:35:52,025 or if there is an agreement now between gravity and Mother Nature 626 00:35:52,109 --> 00:35:53,526 and God's grace, 627 00:35:53,610 --> 00:35:57,072 where they quietly move Little Bradley wherever he has to go. 628 00:35:57,155 --> 00:36:01,242 Like, God has a chessboard with one piece and Brad-fucking-Pitt. 629 00:36:01,326 --> 00:36:02,702 Checkmate's life right? 630 00:36:02,786 --> 00:36:04,245 So, I walk, he slides. 631 00:36:04,329 --> 00:36:07,124 We both go to the same building, I look at him, 632 00:36:07,206 --> 00:36:10,335 and I think for myself, "Man, that looks like Brad Pitt." 633 00:36:10,418 --> 00:36:13,797 And then my brain goes, "That's why Brad Pitt, playboy." 634 00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:17,634 Part of my brain is black and black A little 'hood with the rest of my brain. 635 00:36:17,717 --> 00:36:21,471 I don't know what to do now, Because they don't teach you what to do 636 00:36:21,554 --> 00:36:23,765 When you will meet Brad Pitt. 637 00:36:23,849 --> 00:36:25,851 They teach us other things. 638 00:36:25,934 --> 00:36:28,937 If you burn, little friend, stop, drop and roll 639 00:36:29,021 --> 00:36:33,066 If you are going to argue with a short man, Don't argue with him in a vulnerable position. 640 00:36:33,150 --> 00:36:36,153 Argue with him like this and be ready for his small actions. 641 00:36:37,236 --> 00:36:40,406 But they don't teach you How do I meet Brad-frikking-Pitt 642 00:36:40,490 --> 00:36:42,200 in Brad-frikking-person, right? 643 00:36:42,283 --> 00:36:44,077 So I walk, he slides. 644 00:36:44,161 --> 00:36:47,873 We go to the same building, I and the only Brad Pitt that God ever made. 645 00:36:47,956 --> 00:36:49,124 Brad Pitt. 646 00:36:49,207 --> 00:36:52,210 And he uses - He uses everything. 647 00:36:52,293 --> 00:36:54,671 He once wore a tuxedo. 648 00:36:54,754 --> 00:36:56,381 And he is riding a horse. 649 00:36:58,091 --> 00:37:00,426 And he wears fur, But, like, exotic fur. 650 00:37:00,510 --> 00:37:04,514 Animals we have never seen, like, chimpanzees and alacapetet. 651 00:37:04,597 --> 00:37:07,059 And he told Lorax to come from his shoulder, 652 00:37:07,142 --> 00:37:09,769 and he has Care Bear cuffs on his boots and wrists. 653 00:37:09,853 --> 00:37:12,105 And... he doesn't wear clothes. 654 00:37:13,398 --> 00:37:15,901 So he came from there, I came here. 655 00:37:15,984 --> 00:37:17,527 Double doors in the building. 656 00:37:17,610 --> 00:37:20,279 We arrive in front of this building At the same time, 657 00:37:20,363 --> 00:37:22,032 and I think for myself, 658 00:37:22,115 --> 00:37:25,660 "I will get the door, Because Brad does a lot of work for me." 659 00:37:25,744 --> 00:37:28,496 So I took the door to the left of and I pulled it 660 00:37:28,580 --> 00:37:31,249 Do you know how some jerk always lock the door on the left? 661 00:37:31,332 --> 00:37:33,668 That bastard works here. Good? 662 00:37:33,752 --> 00:37:35,670 So, I drag and lock. 663 00:37:35,754 --> 00:37:38,090 Usually, you will do it open another door, 664 00:37:38,173 --> 00:37:41,342 but for some reason, I just kept pulling this locked door 665 00:37:41,426 --> 00:37:45,013 like that will start and I-cut the grass with it, right? 666 00:37:45,097 --> 00:37:48,683 And Brad Pitt stands here. The only thing God has. 667 00:37:48,767 --> 00:37:51,186 And you can feel it When he stands somewhere 668 00:37:51,269 --> 00:37:53,688 Because he has this invisible energy out of him, 669 00:37:53,772 --> 00:37:57,358 Because he is made of vagina and diamonds. 670 00:37:57,442 --> 00:38:02,072 So, I pulled this door and he left, "Do you understand, man?" 671 00:38:02,155 --> 00:38:05,909 Because that's what Brad Pitt said If dirt doesn't work well. 672 00:38:07,660 --> 00:38:09,204 So I turned towards him like this. 673 00:38:09,287 --> 00:38:13,750 If you've ever looked at him closely, It's like staring straight into the sun, 674 00:38:13,833 --> 00:38:16,878 but with a little from Brad Pitt there. 675 00:38:16,962 --> 00:38:19,547 I look back like this and I say, "I understand, man." 676 00:38:19,631 --> 00:38:22,050 That's what my brain says. My mouth goes... 677 00:38:22,134 --> 00:38:26,054 [stutter] 678 00:38:26,138 --> 00:38:30,058 Right in front of his face! [stutter] 679 00:38:30,142 --> 00:38:37,107 Like Asians who won't start. [stutter] 680 00:38:37,274 --> 00:38:40,443 Thankfully he spoke [stuttering], 681 00:38:40,526 --> 00:38:43,822 Because he is around social cockroaches like your child 682 00:38:43,905 --> 00:38:47,075 I have to open door number two, but I don't want this interaction to end. 683 00:38:47,159 --> 00:38:50,453 We might hug, maybe we make love a little. This is Hollywood, kid. 684 00:38:50,536 --> 00:38:54,457 Here's my chance with Brad-frikkin'-Pitt, you're an animal. 685 00:38:54,540 --> 00:38:56,293 So, door number two, okay? 686 00:38:56,375 --> 00:38:58,544 Of course, I can open that door, 687 00:38:58,628 --> 00:39:02,381 walking in this building, Let this person live his life. 688 00:39:02,465 --> 00:39:07,012 Or I can open the door for him, Let him pass and leave my own life. 689 00:39:07,095 --> 00:39:08,972 But this is what I did. I opened the door. 690 00:39:09,055 --> 00:39:10,640 Like an open swing, 691 00:39:10,723 --> 00:39:13,185 I jump and return my back against the open door. 692 00:39:13,268 --> 00:39:16,896 Like, the way that person don't open the door 693 00:39:16,980 --> 00:39:19,941 He looks at me like, "It's not like people open the door." 694 00:39:21,442 --> 00:39:25,864 And I said, "I understand, man. I used to work at the door shop." 695 00:39:31,369 --> 00:39:33,621 I'm not kidding, I saved it. 696 00:39:33,705 --> 00:39:36,457 Right to his face, man. Right for Brad Pitt's face. 697 00:39:36,541 --> 00:39:39,169 And... and he goes... 698 00:39:39,336 --> 00:39:40,378 "Ha ha." 699 00:39:41,671 --> 00:39:43,089 That's what he said. 700 00:39:43,756 --> 00:39:44,757 "Ha ha." 701 00:39:46,009 --> 00:39:48,845 And I don't know If you've heard it laugh yourself, 702 00:39:48,928 --> 00:39:51,430 But I mean, it's beautiful. 703 00:39:51,514 --> 00:39:56,435 You don't even hear it at first. You just feel laughter on your skin. 704 00:39:56,519 --> 00:39:59,522 When you finally hear his laugh, I mean, it's just... 705 00:39:59,605 --> 00:40:03,276 Sounds like a million babies eat cookies at the same time 706 00:40:04,443 --> 00:40:07,739 Just when I heard his laugh, crop circles formed in my hair 707 00:40:07,822 --> 00:40:11,326 And love memories for a hundred women I never even met 708 00:40:11,409 --> 00:40:13,245 starts living in my heart 709 00:40:13,328 --> 00:40:14,913 Mi corazón 710 00:40:14,996 --> 00:40:17,957 So I just stand there against this door right? 711 00:40:18,041 --> 00:40:22,045 People will enter and exit. I'm just reduced to a concierge by this person. 712 00:40:22,128 --> 00:40:24,881 This woman came running, this straight road animal, 713 00:40:24,964 --> 00:40:28,760 and he is like, "Did Brad Pitt just go in there?" 714 00:40:28,843 --> 00:40:32,430 I'm like, "No, Mom. He left that," You know? 715 00:40:34,473 --> 00:40:36,976 Because I didn't tell this where I saved it 716 00:40:43,983 --> 00:40:46,986 Thank you. Thank you. 717 00:40:49,572 --> 00:40:53,576 And the third time I'm gay is just a general time. 718 00:40:53,659 --> 00:40:56,955 When I was young we used to play a game called "gay chicken". 719 00:40:57,038 --> 00:40:58,664 Anyone in the Navy? 720 00:40:59,124 --> 00:40:59,958 Uh... 721 00:41:00,041 --> 00:41:02,252 Homosexual con pollo. 722 00:41:04,796 --> 00:41:09,592 Like, you and your friends stand there, hold each penis, okay. 723 00:41:09,675 --> 00:41:11,928 The first person to let go is gay. 724 00:41:13,638 --> 00:41:16,433 But, if you experience an erection, you come out. 725 00:41:17,767 --> 00:41:20,770 So you have to play violations and defense, bro. 726 00:41:23,940 --> 00:41:27,485 The worst thing is when you start capturing a little pulse 727 00:41:27,568 --> 00:41:30,863 "Why are you pumping pretending, homie? You are pumping pretending." 728 00:41:32,407 --> 00:41:35,452 You can't play with a brother. You use both hands... 729 00:41:35,534 --> 00:41:37,703 hard behind, L5-S1. 730 00:41:38,621 --> 00:41:42,375 And you can't play with Asian men, Because you can't... 731 00:41:42,459 --> 00:41:45,211 You only have to swear red with that 732 00:41:45,295 --> 00:41:47,922 It's a different game, It's called "broken promise." 733 00:41:48,631 --> 00:41:50,633 That's for young children. 734 00:41:50,716 --> 00:41:52,677 That's for young people, man. 735 00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:55,763 I was 11-7 years old in '92. 736 00:41:55,847 --> 00:41:57,265 Me, man 737 00:41:57,349 --> 00:41:59,017 They close us, though. 738 00:42:00,935 --> 00:42:03,146 Too many people watching. 739 00:42:03,229 --> 00:42:04,939 Fire hazard. 740 00:42:08,734 --> 00:42:10,945 I am having a hard time meeting a good girl, 741 00:42:11,029 --> 00:42:13,948 my friend said, "Let me make you a blind date." 742 00:42:14,032 --> 00:42:17,535 I said, "Okay, I can't control my own life. You drive it." 743 00:42:18,661 --> 00:42:22,790 So, he trapped me, and I got there early, I was ready to make a little love. 744 00:42:24,125 --> 00:42:27,795 And I just waited for this girl, and finally I saw this girl. 745 00:42:27,879 --> 00:42:31,924 I like, "Oh, man, I can meet this bitch myself." 746 00:42:33,134 --> 00:42:36,679 He looks awkward, okay? Don't be offended if you are ugly. 747 00:42:36,762 --> 00:42:38,890 But he looks bald. 748 00:42:38,973 --> 00:42:41,351 He looks like he is beaten by animals. 749 00:42:41,434 --> 00:42:44,603 He has watched new TV shows called Bear Beatings. 750 00:42:44,687 --> 00:42:47,606 That is a two-part episode. At the end of the first part, 751 00:42:47,690 --> 00:42:51,194 It feels like, "Will this bear continue to defeat this bitch?" 752 00:42:51,277 --> 00:42:55,407 And the sequel is like, "This is a bear still beating this bitch!" 753 00:42:55,490 --> 00:42:58,034 I'm not talking I look like something special. 754 00:42:58,117 --> 00:43:02,288 I look like Patrick Swayze and Shrek has a son. Good? 755 00:43:02,372 --> 00:43:04,790 I look like The Grinch That Stole Matt Damon. 756 00:43:06,751 --> 00:43:11,214 ♪ You mean, Jason Bourne ♪ 757 00:43:11,297 --> 00:43:14,926 If you see me from the side, Looks like I have a little Down Syndrome. 758 00:43:17,262 --> 00:43:20,639 I can make that joke because I actually defeated Down Syndrome in 1991. 759 00:43:20,723 --> 00:43:23,059 I am in forgiveness. Praise God, baby 760 00:43:24,060 --> 00:43:27,313 Amen. That's where I came from, man. 761 00:43:27,397 --> 00:43:29,899 I am from an environment where if you have a disability, 762 00:43:30,358 --> 00:43:34,153 You better get rid of your nonsense, go back on the road and make money 763 00:43:34,237 --> 00:43:38,824 The toughest child I have ever known is this child named Dairy, named after the food group. 764 00:43:38,908 --> 00:43:40,868 He is yogurt and so on. 765 00:43:40,952 --> 00:43:43,538 She has Down Syndrome, wearing a Scottie Pippen 766 00:43:43,621 --> 00:43:47,208 and chain gold every day of his life and bring a damn gun, son. 767 00:43:47,292 --> 00:43:49,794 "If he doesn't get money, then pop, pop 768 00:43:49,877 --> 00:43:51,045 Pop-pop!" 769 00:43:52,213 --> 00:43:55,508 I'm not kidding, man. He killed seven pets in our environment one year. 770 00:43:58,052 --> 00:44:00,221 He killed seven pets, bro. 771 00:44:00,305 --> 00:44:02,557 There isn't much you can do when you have DS friends 772 00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:04,850 spraying on animals. 773 00:44:04,934 --> 00:44:07,895 We will call the police. They will say, "You can't call us, call the church. 774 00:44:07,979 --> 00:44:10,856 The boy is outside our jurisdiction, praise God." 775 00:44:14,319 --> 00:44:18,197 What am I talking about Oh, girl on date. 776 00:44:18,281 --> 00:44:20,199 So, this girl looks wild, bro. 777 00:44:20,283 --> 00:44:22,577 You know, visually freelance. 778 00:44:23,119 --> 00:44:24,245 Um... 779 00:44:24,329 --> 00:44:26,289 His eyes are really far apart. 780 00:44:26,372 --> 00:44:28,916 I don't know if it's new thing, woman. 781 00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:33,671 I'm old-fashioned, I prefer from local faces You know, just... 782 00:44:33,754 --> 00:44:37,675 Wait a minute 'meet a little' with your nose, you know 783 00:44:37,758 --> 00:44:40,678 His eyes are really far apart, you know, 784 00:44:40,761 --> 00:44:43,722 like he wants to be greedy and see everything 785 00:44:44,932 --> 00:44:48,894 Last second, God just left "tink" with one of his eyes. 786 00:44:50,021 --> 00:44:54,442 All the time I talked to him, I didn't know which eyes to look at. 787 00:44:54,526 --> 00:44:57,362 I will look back and back to every eye, 788 00:44:57,445 --> 00:45:00,823 Like those three, but only us. 789 00:45:00,906 --> 00:45:03,784 "Nice to meet you-- What the fuck is 790 00:45:03,868 --> 00:45:05,953 Is your father salmon? " 791 00:45:08,373 --> 00:45:11,959 Ladies, if your eyes are far apart, Give your boyfriend an eye marker, 792 00:45:12,043 --> 00:45:15,712 Tell him to draw a little more eyes on the inside of each eye. 793 00:45:15,796 --> 00:45:18,299 Or draw a third eye in the middle. 794 00:45:18,383 --> 00:45:21,260 Play" guess the two I saw from " with your mans 795 00:45:21,344 --> 00:45:23,346 Help each other. 796 00:45:25,806 --> 00:45:28,767 This woman also has a strong breath. A little breathing like--" Whoo! 797 00:45:29,561 --> 00:45:30,853 Kill them! " 798 00:45:30,936 --> 00:45:32,522 Strong, bro. Like-- 799 00:45:32,605 --> 00:45:36,484 Like one of his lungs who is addicted to for his jerk. 800 00:45:36,568 --> 00:45:38,194 Come on, Jannie, you're talking about booty. " 801 00:45:39,987 --> 00:45:41,447 Strong, bro. 802 00:45:41,531 --> 00:45:43,282 Makes me nervous. 803 00:45:43,366 --> 00:45:46,452 Ladies, if your friend has a strong breath, you have responsibility. 804 00:45:46,536 --> 00:45:49,163 Get a little candy or cinnamon 805 00:45:49,247 --> 00:45:53,042 Run by your friend, Throw them into his face like that. 806 00:45:53,125 --> 00:45:56,671 Or more closed again, like that. Good? 807 00:45:56,753 --> 00:45:58,881 See if anyone knows on his face. 808 00:45:58,964 --> 00:46:00,925 Or use a peppermint full syringe, 809 00:46:01,008 --> 00:46:04,220 sneak behind Smokey, Dexter he is on the neck. 810 00:46:04,303 --> 00:46:08,266 Starting from the root, work your way. Help each other, woman. 811 00:46:10,727 --> 00:46:13,396 Team work makes a dream job, okay? 812 00:46:14,771 --> 00:46:19,736 This girl also has a big head to her. He is real, real, really extra-headed. 813 00:46:19,818 --> 00:46:22,572 I'm old-fashioned, I like ordinary-headed women. 814 00:46:22,655 --> 00:46:24,657 I like basic thought pieces. 815 00:46:26,367 --> 00:46:28,369 He is really extra-headed, 816 00:46:28,453 --> 00:46:32,498 Like his neck first in a go-catch-something-big contest. 817 00:46:32,582 --> 00:46:35,042 Fast, you lose all the big stuff! 818 00:46:35,126 --> 00:46:37,712 As God has taken it his usual head off 819 00:46:37,794 --> 00:46:41,758 and dip it into bread and then put it back on its neck. 820 00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:43,468 Makes me nervous, man. 821 00:46:43,551 --> 00:46:46,262 Why does my friend even set me up with a big-headed girl? 822 00:46:46,345 --> 00:46:49,098 I already have a big head. What should we do? 823 00:46:49,181 --> 00:46:51,016 Have small children with big heads? 824 00:46:51,100 --> 00:46:54,604 You can't even lift the beauty the head of a small ass. 825 00:46:54,687 --> 00:46:56,855 It's too heavy for his body to get off the ground 826 00:46:56,939 --> 00:47:00,401 He must learn to crawl from side to side, around him. 827 00:47:00,485 --> 00:47:03,321 He must play one hour in all school dramas 828 00:47:05,698 --> 00:47:09,076 Don't associate someone with the same nonsense they already have 829 00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:13,581 If you have a one-legged friend, don't associate him with another one-legged friend 830 00:47:13,665 --> 00:47:14,666 What do you think 831 00:47:14,749 --> 00:47:18,961 They will only lean against each other somewhere where is that level? 832 00:47:19,044 --> 00:47:23,341 Fuck no, man! Two people need at least three legs! 833 00:47:23,424 --> 00:47:26,927 Look at the foot chart, you animal! 834 00:47:30,389 --> 00:47:34,185 And women, if you have a big head, do your head 835 00:47:35,269 --> 00:47:38,022 Do a few rounds around you, like that. 836 00:47:40,817 --> 00:47:44,153 Put some Spanx heads. Hit your head 837 00:47:45,070 --> 00:47:46,489 Hit your head, mama 838 00:47:46,572 --> 00:47:49,575 I don't know if you know what Spanx, it's a special suit 839 00:47:49,659 --> 00:47:52,077 they make it for women. I think the Germans are successful. 840 00:47:52,161 --> 00:47:55,498 This pushes their whole body into their shoes, okay 841 00:47:56,499 --> 00:47:58,668 I call it "camouflage." 842 00:48:00,127 --> 00:48:02,714 But we don't pay attention to it, we only see the "ba-arc". 843 00:48:02,797 --> 00:48:05,758 We don't see these delayed shoes, carry the rest. 844 00:48:05,842 --> 00:48:12,515 Like - [sound like a boat] 845 00:48:12,598 --> 00:48:15,934 Go to the club. [boat sound] 846 00:48:16,018 --> 00:48:18,103 We only see "ba-arc," you know? 847 00:48:18,187 --> 00:48:21,691 Like a sweet little vase You want to include all the flowers of your penis in 848 00:48:23,359 --> 00:48:25,737 Then you take it home, you break this Spanx, 849 00:48:25,820 --> 00:48:28,698 It's like opening up can a fridge biscuit. 850 00:48:28,781 --> 00:48:33,828 Like - [popping up] 851 00:48:42,169 --> 00:48:45,214 Like, "I-I'll just jerk on a tin 852 00:48:46,131 --> 00:48:48,885 I'm tired, headache. 853 00:48:48,967 --> 00:48:52,680 My headaches are tired. I love you." 854 00:48:57,059 --> 00:48:59,186 But we are connected. Uh... 855 00:49:01,230 --> 00:49:04,108 Sometimes you have to take one for the team, 856 00:49:04,191 --> 00:49:06,527 even if you are a free agent. 857 00:49:06,611 --> 00:49:09,488 We are connected, actually I'm afraid I can make her pregnant 858 00:49:09,572 --> 00:49:11,574 Because of birth control I use, 859 00:49:11,657 --> 00:49:12,658 destination... 860 00:49:14,201 --> 00:49:16,454 It doesn't always work well, you know. 861 00:49:16,537 --> 00:49:19,998 I don't want to have a baby with him, Because I don't even know him, 862 00:49:20,082 --> 00:49:21,709 who must be detained in court 863 00:49:21,793 --> 00:49:26,255 "Yes, Your Honor, this is our child, Headrick, but I don't know him." 864 00:49:27,590 --> 00:49:30,008 Second, I don't want baby with him This is rather useless. He's like crazy teeth. 865 00:49:30,092 --> 00:49:32,678 Have you ever met someone Like crazy teeth? 866 00:49:32,762 --> 00:49:35,556 867 00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:39,852 Like here. Like auditions of to be horns, but don't understand. 868 00:49:40,227 --> 00:49:43,230 Walk here. Like, they smile and then smile again, 869 00:49:43,314 --> 00:49:45,316 and you are like, "What's this? 870 00:49:45,399 --> 00:49:47,902 Where do you get a balcony?" 871 00:49:47,984 --> 00:49:52,030 Walk here, hide in the attic like John Wilkes Tooth, 872 00:49:52,114 --> 00:49:55,451 just ready to fucking 'pop out and kill the president, kid. 873 00:49:55,534 --> 00:49:58,203 Murder! Murder! 874 00:49:58,913 --> 00:50:01,874 And I don't want our first baby to have special teeth 875 00:50:01,958 --> 00:50:05,336 grow from his neck or back, small-er Sunday Shark. 876 00:50:06,002 --> 00:50:09,590 Only get a job with a carnival, Work in a cage at night 877 00:50:09,674 --> 00:50:12,050 open the mail off sharp teeth, 878 00:50:12,134 --> 00:50:15,304 perform special shows for business people. 879 00:50:18,724 --> 00:50:21,101 My son doesn't work in a cage. 880 00:50:26,273 --> 00:50:27,817 So we are connected and... 881 00:50:28,985 --> 00:50:31,445 After that we just lie there, me and him. 882 00:50:31,529 --> 00:50:33,865 Two of God's children, finished eating apples 883 00:50:34,866 --> 00:50:37,743 I kiss her around her neck here, where all that sweet, 884 00:50:37,827 --> 00:50:39,578 here, on a sugar shelf. 885 00:50:40,036 --> 00:50:43,958 Just rubbing my hand on him like this, just becomes real natural 886 00:50:46,460 --> 00:50:49,714 Like a gentleman. Like a small husband. 887 00:50:49,797 --> 00:50:54,927 Just like a small handicapped person caressing a scared sheep You know, just... 888 00:50:55,011 --> 00:50:58,639 "You stop trembling, Daisy, It's just a storm coming, you see. 889 00:50:58,723 --> 00:51:02,058 You keep growing your wool out, my little mitten maker 890 00:51:02,142 --> 00:51:03,769 You want more Apple Jacks, isn't it? want more than father's? Apple Jacks, my little angel angel? " 891 00:51:03,853 --> 00:51:07,857 Just being really cold with him. 892 00:51:08,941 --> 00:51:10,568 Then I say, "Are you in the process of being born?" 893 00:51:12,403 --> 00:51:14,446 He said no, and that's when I was really nervous. 894 00:51:14,530 --> 00:51:17,992 It feels like my heart must be bad luck. 895 00:51:18,074 --> 00:51:21,077 And then I like, "If you have a baby, do you save it, 896 00:51:23,121 --> 00:51:25,958 897 00:51:26,042 --> 00:51:29,045 and will it be okay if I just wrote your letter? " 898 00:51:29,127 --> 00:51:31,756 Because a woman likes to get letters. 899 00:51:31,839 --> 00:51:34,008 And she leaves, " Actually I can't imagine it. " 900 00:51:34,090 --> 00:51:37,720 And that's when I started wandering damn rooms are high. wall, like a photo of his family on the beach. 901 00:51:37,803 --> 00:51:41,933 He is like, "Calm down, really sad. I've had two miscarriages. " 902 00:51:42,016 --> 00:51:45,770 And that's very sad. If someone says that, 903 00:51:45,853 --> 00:51:47,980 You should be to hug them or buy a plant. 904 00:51:48,064 --> 00:51:51,609 If you are a comedian, You don't think like that. 905 00:51:52,443 --> 00:51:55,071 906 00:51:55,153 --> 00:51:57,573 The devil tries to get your brain. 907 00:51:57,656 --> 00:52:00,618 You say things you can't say, Because those words come from your brain 908 00:52:00,701 --> 00:52:03,579 come out of your mouth, not through your heart first. 909 00:52:03,662 --> 00:52:05,915 I like, "Have you had two miscarriages? 910 00:52:05,998 --> 00:52:09,668 I feel lucky my penis lives after that there." 911 00:52:22,723 --> 00:52:24,767 So that's what I did. 912 00:52:27,311 --> 00:52:28,604 They are just jokes, people! 913 00:52:30,481 --> 00:52:32,108 Not all can be funny. 914 00:52:33,109 --> 00:52:34,735 Not all can be funny. 915 00:52:40,783 --> 00:52:43,577 And Jews clog the Internet. 916 00:52:47,706 --> 00:52:49,207 That's all for that. 917 00:52:53,045 --> 00:52:55,673 I think it's easier to meet a woman like before. 918 00:52:55,756 --> 00:53:00,260 I don't know how old you are, but maybe in the 1800s or whatever. 919 00:53:00,344 --> 00:53:03,597 At that time, you just came out from your home, if you are a man, 920 00:53:03,681 --> 00:53:06,684 hundreds of miles if you have to, until you see any woman, 921 00:53:06,767 --> 00:53:08,936 and you just started walk back with him. 922 00:53:09,020 --> 00:53:10,646 He is like, "Where do we go?" 923 00:53:10,729 --> 00:53:12,773 You are like, "Until the rest of your life." 924 00:53:13,482 --> 00:53:15,860 And that is a relationship. 925 00:53:15,943 --> 00:53:18,863 And if he gets out of line, you bring him to the warning increase. 926 00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:23,784 And I don't say it's perfect, I just said that it worked. 927 00:53:24,535 --> 00:53:26,662 And the man comes out and does the world work? 928 00:53:26,745 --> 00:53:29,373 The woman lives at home and takes care of family work. 929 00:53:29,456 --> 00:53:33,460 I don't think it's ideal for anyone, But the kids are fat, the cat is fed. 930 00:53:33,544 --> 00:53:35,963 You get home, your wife is there with a letter, 931 00:53:36,047 --> 00:53:38,090 like, "Tell me what the letter said!" 932 00:53:40,509 --> 00:53:44,930 And I don't say it's perfect. I just said that it worked. 933 00:53:45,014 --> 00:53:48,517 And then women start want to do everything 934 00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:51,603 "We want to chew gum, we want to wear hats, 935 00:53:51,687 --> 00:53:54,982 we want to push the big rig, we want CrossFit." 936 00:53:56,067 --> 00:53:58,861 "CrossFittin?" What are you doing? 937 00:53:58,944 --> 00:54:02,322 You are doing chin in empty warehouses all morning? 938 00:54:02,406 --> 00:54:05,241 We starve at home. Are you worried about muscle density? And now they have one hundred machines in the gym for women. 939 00:54:05,325 --> 00:54:07,536 And maybe now feels obliged to use it all. 940 00:54:08,579 --> 00:54:11,123 941 00:54:11,623 --> 00:54:14,292 942 00:54:14,376 --> 00:54:16,545 943 00:54:16,628 --> 00:54:20,007 944 00:54:22,384 --> 00:54:25,429 945 00:54:25,512 --> 00:54:28,348 946 00:54:28,432 --> 00:54:31,476 When I was young, they had four machines in the gym for women, 947 00:54:31,560 --> 00:54:33,562 and three of them are stoves. 948 00:54:35,231 --> 00:54:39,401 "I'll do my chest and chest. Why don't you do the manicotti we love?" 949 00:54:41,445 --> 00:54:45,281 And I don't say it's perfect. I said that it worked. 950 00:54:46,784 --> 00:54:48,786 This is what I truly believe, woman. 951 00:54:48,869 --> 00:54:52,998 Many relationships don't work anymore because the opponent is interesting. 952 00:54:53,082 --> 00:54:55,500 Women feel like they have to do everything 953 00:54:55,584 --> 00:54:57,502 It must feel like a ton of pressure. 954 00:54:57,586 --> 00:55:00,296 But if you do all women's and men's goods, 955 00:55:00,380 --> 00:55:02,216 What is the matter? What should we do? 956 00:55:02,298 --> 00:55:07,846 I use facial moisturizer right now. I don't know what happened. 957 00:55:07,930 --> 00:55:12,392 You make women do dead lifts all day, wonder why they don't have a girlfriend. 958 00:55:12,476 --> 00:55:14,310 Because you really are. 959 00:55:16,021 --> 00:55:20,192 I don't want to hug a woman and come in second! 960 00:55:20,276 --> 00:55:22,527 You must be a woman Place a barbell. 961 00:55:22,611 --> 00:55:24,238 Take some flowers, look lost. 962 00:55:24,320 --> 00:55:27,491 You will have a boyfriend in five minutes. 963 00:55:34,081 --> 00:55:36,167 We have to stay on our own path. 964 00:55:36,250 --> 00:55:38,543 Ironically we have enough in general, women. 965 00:55:38,627 --> 00:55:42,006 Women are always like, "You men look good in their sixties. 966 00:55:42,089 --> 00:55:45,926 We start falling apart in their thirties. " That's nonsense. 967 00:55:46,010 --> 00:55:48,137 That's nonsense, man. 968 00:55:48,220 --> 00:55:52,266 I am in my 30s. Click my hips for the first hour of every day. at all, I have a marriage call for women with osteoporosis 969 00:55:52,348 --> 00:55:55,727 built into my body Good? 970 00:55:55,811 --> 00:55:59,606 My body used to be a separate part. Remember that, friend? = When your butt is separated from whatever it is, 971 00:55:59,690 --> 00:56:03,485 When your stomach is separated from your chest 972 00:56:03,568 --> 00:56:07,198 Now it feels like I live in fat muscles I can't find the zipper. 973 00:56:07,281 --> 00:56:09,700 974 00:56:09,783 --> 00:56:11,827 975 00:56:11,910 --> 00:56:14,454 976 00:56:14,538 --> 00:56:19,668 977 00:56:19,751 --> 00:56:22,921 "Do you like my arm-leg backceps?" 978 00:56:24,882 --> 00:56:26,591 I have gray hair. Is that scary? 979 00:56:26,675 --> 00:56:30,512 Yes, woman, that means my head is dying 980 00:56:30,595 --> 00:56:32,597 And one thousand gray hairs first, 981 00:56:32,681 --> 00:56:35,100 They don't grow cool like part of a hair party, 982 00:56:35,184 --> 00:56:38,645 they grow in all fuckin 'crazy and swirly, like they are taking drugs. 983 00:56:38,729 --> 00:56:40,356 Like cracked hair, 984 00:56:40,438 --> 00:56:44,568 like, "Damn, dog, I will suck your pen for some shampoo. 985 00:56:45,569 --> 00:56:47,571 Just combing me, homie." 986 00:56:50,406 --> 00:56:53,618 My cat looks different. I used to have beautiful beans. 987 00:56:53,702 --> 00:56:56,412 If I have my old bean, I will bring them right for you, 988 00:56:56,496 --> 00:57:00,334 You can pass it on to your friends and get see, take a snap with your phone. 989 00:57:00,416 --> 00:57:02,711 They are very beautiful. Beautiful little beans 990 00:57:02,794 --> 00:57:05,381 Looks like God has one Christmas decoration, 991 00:57:05,463 --> 00:57:07,258 just hang it on my "D" branch, 992 00:57:07,341 --> 00:57:09,176 and return to the castle of God. 993 00:57:10,802 --> 00:57:12,137 And they are dried beans. 994 00:57:12,221 --> 00:57:14,472 Someone has a good idea and says another. 995 00:57:14,556 --> 00:57:16,433 The other is loved the idea of his friend, 996 00:57:16,516 --> 00:57:19,144 and they hugged and listened to Cat Stevens. 997 00:57:21,272 --> 00:57:23,732 And natural nuts are browned. 998 00:57:23,815 --> 00:57:26,443 And I have never taken nuts in the sun Because I am with Christ, 999 00:57:26,526 --> 00:57:27,945 I don't do nonsense like that. 1000 00:57:28,028 --> 00:57:30,364 Of course brown, like an angel coming at night 1001 00:57:30,447 --> 00:57:32,824 and just paint my beans with brown paint, 1002 00:57:32,908 --> 00:57:35,327 like Sistine Nutsack. 1003 00:57:37,413 --> 00:57:42,334 Now, my beans look like everyone else have used them when I'm not around. 1004 00:57:42,418 --> 00:57:44,044 Like I have timeshare beans. 1005 00:57:44,128 --> 00:57:46,213 Like, "Who doesn't take care of this? 1006 00:57:46,297 --> 00:57:48,966 I'm sure it's Thompson, check the log!" 1007 00:57:51,593 --> 00:57:53,720 We are messy too, ladies. 1008 00:57:53,804 --> 00:57:57,975 I have to pinch my cock when I fart so it's not the slightest. 1009 00:57:58,058 --> 00:58:01,937 And it's not a disease that I have, It's all here 1010 00:58:02,020 --> 00:58:03,981 over thirty years old. 1011 00:58:04,064 --> 00:58:06,358 When you see your husband In a hall like this, 1012 00:58:06,442 --> 00:58:09,903 You are like, "Did you have a stroke?" He is like, "I tried farting!" 1013 00:58:13,449 --> 00:58:15,492 We are messy too, man. 1014 00:58:15,575 --> 00:58:18,662 I was alone last year. I will tell you, bro. 1015 00:58:18,745 --> 00:58:20,664 I am not above anything. 1016 00:58:20,747 --> 00:58:23,459 I was alone last year. I drive my car, 1017 00:58:23,541 --> 00:58:26,837 and I'm not driving for luxury, self-meet group. 1018 00:58:26,920 --> 00:58:30,382 I just drive, and I reach the window cover, 1019 00:58:30,466 --> 00:58:34,386 and I don't know what button I pressed, but I myself. 1020 00:58:34,470 --> 00:58:38,140 Because you can't believe fart after 29, that's why. 1021 00:58:38,223 --> 00:58:42,311 I used to be young and farted with both of them my eyes opened like a donkey gangster. 1022 00:58:42,394 --> 00:58:45,563 [blowing air] 1023 00:58:45,689 --> 00:58:48,484 Now, I have to keep one eye closed. 1024 00:58:48,566 --> 00:58:50,568 Continue to guard inside. 1025 00:58:53,364 --> 00:58:56,908 Because you will be bad You are a sweet Christian. 1026 00:58:59,744 --> 00:59:03,915 I look forward to farting after having sex than I do for sex itself. 1027 00:59:03,999 --> 00:59:06,960 I dated this girl for a while, and she has a little cat, 1028 00:59:07,044 --> 00:59:10,172 there will always be in the kitchen waiting for meat and free crap 1029 00:59:10,255 --> 00:59:11,673 Small Democates 1030 00:59:12,341 --> 00:59:15,469 And I will go back to the room, will only be in that, 1031 00:59:15,552 --> 00:59:18,680 like two trains trying to pass it to each other on the same track, 1032 00:59:18,763 --> 00:59:20,765 But all the time I think, "When I'm done, 1033 00:59:20,849 --> 00:59:23,643 I'm-a going in the kitchen and farting on that cat. 1034 00:59:23,727 --> 00:59:26,938 That's the vagina that really will happen get here tonight 1035 00:59:28,440 --> 00:59:30,275 That little bastard. " 1036 00:59:31,026 --> 00:59:34,321 We are messy too, ladies. Put a dumbbell. 1037 00:59:34,405 --> 00:59:36,614 Take some flowers, look lost. 1038 00:59:39,117 --> 00:59:40,327 Everything will work. 1039 00:59:42,329 --> 00:59:44,456 Because I think I want to have children. 1040 00:59:44,540 --> 00:59:46,750 You have children What do you get? 1041 00:59:46,833 --> 00:59:49,253 [man] A little girl, and another in the oven. 1042 00:59:49,336 --> 00:59:52,297 You have one in the oven, huh? Hell, yes, kid, go in there. 1043 00:59:55,551 --> 00:59:57,344 I'm thinking of having children. 1044 00:59:57,428 --> 01:00:01,432 I have to get a girlfriend first, but... I think I want a child. 1045 01:00:01,515 --> 01:00:04,226 I just want something to be at home when I'm not there 1046 01:00:08,605 --> 01:00:12,025 But many of these kids Today's prostitutes, man, you know? 1047 01:00:12,109 --> 01:00:14,445 Mention seven children who are not bitches, bro. 1048 01:00:15,529 --> 01:00:17,364 Yes, no one can. 1049 01:00:17,448 --> 01:00:19,908 If they have a tall box here with small children in it, 1050 01:00:19,991 --> 01:00:23,579 I will be like, "What's up here? Little whore, that's it." 1051 01:00:23,661 --> 01:00:27,332 Because they get it too easily. These children have no struggle. 1052 01:00:27,416 --> 01:00:31,420 We have struggled, These children have vaccinations. Come on. 1053 01:00:31,503 --> 01:00:33,922 When I was young, you caught what you caught. 1054 01:00:34,005 --> 01:00:35,424 Everyone has something. 1055 01:00:35,507 --> 01:00:39,052 Rubella, pigtails, we all Have a little polio, remember? 1056 01:00:39,844 --> 01:00:43,599 I have a friend who has a fucking arm growing from his back, Larry Armback. 1057 01:00:44,391 --> 01:00:46,726 Have a good job as a crossing guard. 1058 01:00:46,810 --> 01:00:50,355 He could be an Olympic swimmer, But he has skin conditions. 1059 01:00:50,439 --> 01:00:53,150 He is black. So... 1060 01:00:53,233 --> 01:00:55,569 Oh, whatever, man. 1061 01:00:55,652 --> 01:00:59,323 You can put 20 arms on a brother, He won't be able to go inside. 1062 01:01:03,410 --> 01:01:06,371 Children call the police to their parents, man. 1063 01:01:06,455 --> 01:01:09,874 What? Return on the day If you call the police to your parents, 1064 01:01:09,958 --> 01:01:12,169 the police will call your parents on the phone 1065 01:01:12,252 --> 01:01:15,422 and tell your parents to beat your ass. 1066 01:01:21,178 --> 01:01:24,889 My mother used to chatter. I don't think he lives with us. 1067 01:01:27,017 --> 01:01:30,562 He strangles me very often, I can't wear clothes on my skin. 1068 01:01:30,646 --> 01:01:34,441 My friend likes, "You are naked!" I'm like, "But I behave '! 1069 01:01:35,484 --> 01:01:38,278 This is my behavior clothes. 1070 01:01:38,362 --> 01:01:39,988 Now stop seeing my cock. " 1071 01:01:44,660 --> 01:01:46,870 What if I have a stupid child? I'm worried about that. 1072 01:01:46,953 --> 01:01:49,080 I screw a stupid girl, dude. 1073 01:01:49,164 --> 01:01:52,626 One of them hatches something, now I have to increase it my whole life is just hugging Some kids, pretending not stupid, 1074 01:01:52,709 --> 01:01:56,421 and knowing he is stupid. . 1075 01:01:56,505 --> 01:01:58,048 We shouldn't let fools have children, boys 1076 01:01:58,131 --> 01:02:00,967 We won't have that problem. 1077 01:02:04,596 --> 01:02:06,348 1078 01:02:06,431 --> 01:02:08,933 1079 01:02:09,017 --> 01:02:10,768 1080 01:02:10,852 --> 01:02:14,189 If you don't graduate from high school, you should not have children. 1081 01:02:14,272 --> 01:02:17,942 How will you raise a child? You cannot raise "F" to "D." 1082 01:02:20,362 --> 01:02:24,157 The problem is we are circumcised the wrong part of the boy 1083 01:02:24,241 --> 01:02:27,952 We keep releasing turtlenecks, we need to take nuts. 1084 01:02:28,036 --> 01:02:30,664 Give them back to him When he graduated from high school. 1085 01:02:30,747 --> 01:02:33,875 "Congratulations, ladies and gentlemen, This is a beautiful day. Ladies, move your tassels from left to right 1086 01:02:33,958 --> 01:02:36,461 Men, you can choose your tassels 1087 01:02:36,545 --> 01:02:38,213 from the box the cardboard On the way out of the auditorium. " 1088 01:02:38,296 --> 01:02:41,299 1089 01:02:44,844 --> 01:02:47,264 Some of you women must stop having eight children 1090 01:02:47,347 --> 01:02:49,182 before we know what is your first child 1091 01:02:49,266 --> 01:02:52,227 You see a woman getting seven children all under the age of five. 1092 01:02:52,310 --> 01:02:54,563 Like, "How do you even fuckin 'do that? 1093 01:02:54,646 --> 01:02:56,773 You are not a woman, you are a witch." 1094 01:02:57,857 --> 01:02:59,817 From now on, you get one child. 1095 01:02:59,901 --> 01:03:01,528 We check his butt at six o'clock. 1096 01:03:01,612 --> 01:03:04,114 If he's not unlucky, you don't understand the child is more damn. 1097 01:03:04,197 --> 01:03:06,783 Why? Because the first is not bad. 1098 01:03:08,410 --> 01:03:12,080 Pain this nonsense in this country, man 1099 01:03:12,163 --> 01:03:14,666 Pain, bro. We have to get rid of a few people. 1100 01:03:14,750 --> 01:03:17,544 I don't know if I want to bring children to this world. 1101 01:03:17,628 --> 01:03:19,713 There are some straight goosebumps out there, dawg. 1102 01:03:19,796 --> 01:03:21,839 Some straight criminals. 1103 01:03:22,674 --> 01:03:25,843 If you are over 30 years old and you are still skateboarding, 1104 01:03:25,927 --> 01:03:28,513 who are you, man? 1105 01:03:28,597 --> 01:03:30,766 Not Tony Hawk, that's who. 1106 01:03:30,848 --> 01:03:33,810 Lift my insurance premium, sir. 1107 01:03:34,686 --> 01:03:36,563 Now go. 1108 01:03:36,647 --> 01:03:40,358 If you wear camouflage but not in the forest or in the military, 1109 01:03:40,442 --> 01:03:41,859 Who are you hiding? 1110 01:03:43,069 --> 01:03:44,988 From a decent appearance, that's who. 1111 01:03:45,071 --> 01:03:48,241 Desert Operation Dumb Ass. Now use an acceptable pattern, 1112 01:03:48,325 --> 01:03:49,909 or go out. 1113 01:03:51,161 --> 01:03:54,414 If you wear sunglasses While you exercise at the gym, 1114 01:03:54,498 --> 01:03:57,125 Are you serious? 1115 01:03:57,208 --> 01:04:00,796 You look like a blind person that's very good. 1116 01:04:00,878 --> 01:04:04,048 Only two men look good in sweat and sunglasses it's Fidel Castro and the late Macho Man Randy Savage. 1117 01:04:04,132 --> 01:04:07,427 So why don't you go into the lean section suggestions and exit? 1118 01:04:07,511 --> 01:04:11,723 If you sleep with TV, 1119 01:04:12,932 --> 01:04:14,643 and wonder why you have it attention deficit deficit 1120 01:04:14,726 --> 01:04:18,021 I don't know, maybe because you sleep with a TV on! 1121 01:04:18,104 --> 01:04:21,441 Turn off and turn off or exit 1122 01:04:21,525 --> 01:04:24,319 Asians who drive, are no longer driving 1123 01:04:28,281 --> 01:04:32,369 1124 01:04:32,452 --> 01:04:36,289 I know it's a cliché, But the trial period must be over, man. 1125 01:04:36,373 --> 01:04:38,375 They can't drive, man. 1126 01:04:39,710 --> 01:04:41,503 No more driving, okay? 1127 01:04:41,586 --> 01:04:45,423 I'm not Cirque du Soleil Because I can't Cirque du Soleil. 1128 01:04:45,507 --> 01:04:48,259 We shouldn't just do nonsense just because. 1129 01:04:48,343 --> 01:04:52,930 So park, Asians, and find hoverboards I know you know how to make 1130 01:04:52,972 --> 01:04:55,099 Because I can see it in your eyes... 1131 01:04:55,183 --> 01:04:57,185 or go out! 1132 01:04:57,728 --> 01:05:01,356 Thick people hoggin ' all wheelchairs at the airport. 1133 01:05:01,439 --> 01:05:05,861 And I don't say it's sista, but I didn't say no. 1134 01:05:05,943 --> 01:05:10,073 Disabled Persons Sergent So-and-So, who lost his leg in Afghanistan, 1135 01:05:11,492 --> 01:05:14,911 Because Mama Bear Bear is monopolizing all help Park it and walk if it's off, Loqshwanda, or get out Good? 1136 01:06:39,404 --> 01:05:18,498 Persians 1137 01:05:19,916 --> 01:05:21,042 Exit, bro. 1138 01:05:22,043 --> 01:05:23,461 Nobody likes you, man. Sorry to be the messenger. 1139 01:05:24,838 --> 01:05:29,133 If you are offended by whatever I say tonight, 1140 01:05:29,217 --> 01:05:32,262 let's go out, kid! 1141 01:05:32,345 --> 01:05:33,971 I'm Theo Von, thank you very much for coming out tonight 1142 01:05:34,055 --> 01:05:37,225 [applause] 1143 01:05:30,308 --> 01:05:38,852 Thank you. 1144 01:05:39,728 --> 01:05:40,729 Thank you very much. 1145 01:05:43,064 --> 01:05:44,482 [rap music] 1146 01:05:45,024 --> 01:05:45,901 1147 01:05:50,697 --> 01:05:51,989 [Theo] Thank you! Delivered by: www.subtitlecinema.com