1 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:20,000 Visit www.Hokijudi99.id Trusted Secure Online Gambling Agent 2 00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:27,223 I, like, "Do you know what? If you will make love to me, 3 00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:29,154 I will kill you." 4 00:00:29,238 --> 00:00:31,907 But then the person is like, "I don't know if I can handle it." 5 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:35,577 And I'm like, "Of course you can't! Nothing can overcome the heat!" 6 00:00:35,661 --> 00:00:37,579 You know I bring heat. 7 00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:40,332 Buddy, it's broken glass, so don't touch it 8 00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:44,544 Yes... no, don't walk with your shoes off. 9 00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:46,046 Good. 10 00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:48,966 All right, buddy, I have to go. Tonight is a big event. 11 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,134 Good. I love you. Well, goodbye. 12 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:53,804 OK. 13 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,682 So I killed that person. I killed him. 14 00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,684 And that person is a theater owner too, right? 15 00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:01,645 Yes, that person is the owner of the theater. He is the owner of the theater. 16 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,438 Now he's dead. 17 00:01:03,522 --> 00:01:06,316 What, did you get Zika? 18 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:11,196 Hey. Bob. Theater owner You can start the show whenever you are ready. 19 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,322 Many people hear electricity. 20 00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:14,783 Yes! Why not? 21 00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:18,912 Well, I believe you to know where the stage is. 22 00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:21,498 Obviously we know how to get to the stage! 23 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,584 Jesus Christ! 24 00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:24,751 Applause. 25 00:01:28,714 --> 00:01:30,132 Ah. 26 00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:33,135 Yes! 27 00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:34,678 Let's party! 28 00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,264 What 29 00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:19,264 Ahh. 30 00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:30,067 Yes! 31 00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:33,445 Oh my God. Rory! Can I get your signature? 32 00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:34,821 Yes... no! 33 00:02:34,905 --> 00:02:36,531 Go away from me! 34 00:02:36,615 --> 00:02:37,615 I'm sorry. 35 00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:40,410 Oh, God, you are so cool. 36 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:41,870 Yes! 37 00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:43,163 Not damn. 38 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:45,207 Mike! Let's go. 39 00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:46,750 See that? 40 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:47,959 Remember that. 41 00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,898 Rory. Rory. 42 00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:11,441 Hey, good night, Mr. Scovel. 43 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:16,279 Rory. Rory. Rory. Rory. 44 00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:18,615 What did you just say to me? 45 00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,117 Just say good luck. 46 00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:21,910 Yes. 47 00:03:21,993 --> 00:03:24,287 I don't need your luck, buddy. 48 00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:26,873 - I love you. - Me, too. 49 00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:29,459 Now I have to release some of his penis. 50 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,795 Rory! Rory! 51 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:37,092 Yes! 52 00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:39,261 What 53 00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:41,346 Yes! 54 00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:47,894 What is Yes! 55 00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:50,188 Yes! 56 00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:52,149 Yes! 57 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,192 Whoo-hoo! 58 00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:56,027 What happened? What happened? 59 00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:03,827 Gilbert will immediately take you to the stage. 60 00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:05,787 What... Hey, Scott, wait a minute. 61 00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:08,415 - What should I do when I leave? - I don't know We will find out. 62 00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:11,710 Okay, the next person is a comic. 63 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,721 Uh, everyone gave it to... 64 00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:25,932 Cory Scravin! 65 00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:29,060 66 00:04:48,163 --> 00:04:49,539 Thank you. 67 00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:52,000 Thank you! 68 00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:54,961 Thank you, Atlanta! 69 00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,297 Thank you, Atlanta! 70 00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,883 Thank you! 71 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,968 Thank you, Atlanta. 72 00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:04,221 Thank you, Atlanta. 73 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,931 Thank you, & Los; Lanta. 74 00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:09,476 Thank you, & Los; Lanta. I did research. I know the nickname. 75 00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:12,604 Thank you very much, & apos; lantern, come out tonight 76 00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:15,899 Come to & apos; Lanta. Exit to see the show Thank you very much. 77 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,276 Let's enter it. Anal. Who did it 78 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,863 Who does anal? Who is here doing anal? 79 00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:25,534 Who does anal? Who is here doing anal? 80 00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:27,118 This is the program. Who has... 81 00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:29,246 Previously it felt like, "Wait, yes, is this the show?" 82 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:32,457 This is the program. This is the program. 83 00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:34,167 Anal. Who does anal? 84 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,878 But, like, anal. Anal, though. 85 00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:37,879 Anal. 86 00:05:37,963 --> 00:05:40,215 Who has done anal? 87 00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:42,968 I have one joke, and I was halfway past it. 88 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:47,556 This... here it is 89 00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:50,225 I kind of reversed the situation of Louis CK. 90 00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:52,352 I wrote a new joke a year. 91 00:05:54,229 --> 00:05:56,815 And this is actually a three year old joke. 92 00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:59,526 So, it must be a pretty good special. 93 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:02,279 You make good choices, watch. Thank you for coming here. 94 00:06:02,988 --> 00:06:06,449 Ah, anal We are still... It's still... Anal. 95 00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,618 Anal. Anal. 96 00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:10,996 Does it sell it if it's my body posture? 97 00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:12,622 Anal! 98 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,708 Who does anal? 99 00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:19,129 I am a brattiest comic on the circuit! 100 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:21,881 Who does anal? 101 00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:29,180 "Butt-fuck." Does that help 102 00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:30,473 Does that help 103 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,726 Does that help? Butt-fuck. 104 00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:35,186 Some people... "Oh, butt-fuck Okay, yes. 105 00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:37,772 Good. Anal? What? 106 00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:42,527 Butt-fuck. That's my speed. " 107 00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:45,280 That's more my style! 108 00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:48,825 To be honest, it's more my style. 109 00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:50,827 I'm butt-fuck! 110 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:53,330 Want to know something about me? I am butt... " 111 00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:55,498 You have to say" butt-fuck " with an accent 112 00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:56,976 If you say it without accent, You sound like a damn serial killer. 113 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,210 " Have you ever been kidding? 114 00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:05,050 "My God. 115 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,344 Karen, put your hand! 116 00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:10,764 This is a clear trap. 117 00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:13,516 This is a death trap." 118 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,644 "Well, I don't know. 119 00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:17,312 I've never been to one of these things." 120 00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:19,230 121 00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:21,775 122 00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:26,696 "Yeah, whatever, Butt-fuck!" 123 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,908 Isn't that... This is kinda... Immediately You are like, "Oh, that's not too bad." 124 00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:34,663 "Have you ever fallen in love?" "Hey, this is the guy from the gas station! 125 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,958 Answer the question." 126 00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:41,503 "I just want to know if you ever butt-fucked before! 127 00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:44,255 Come now too! 128 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,133 Without lead, fill it? You understand 129 00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:49,594 You've been bored-fucked? 130 00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:53,515 " Hi, I want to fill it. I'm above pump ten. 131 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:56,851 I have to tell you, that one employee, He is a kind of life. 132 00:07:56,935 --> 00:08:00,105 What is that? Is it not an employee? I will be right back. 133 00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:04,109 No, this is to me. There are many red flags, and I... I should... 134 00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:06,361 I should set it. Should be set. " 135 00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:10,156 " Have you ever been kidding? 136 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,324 Butt-fuck! " 137 00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:17,872 My wife and I try anal sex once, and... 138 00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:19,958 Shut your mouth! 139 00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:21,126 Shut up! 140 00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:27,924 I've asked if you did it. No one says bad luck. 141 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,927 And now I have to talk throughout the show. 142 00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:34,806 This job sucks. 143 00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:41,563 At the moment some people like, "Maybe he only has one joke. 144 00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:45,650 Where we think he's acting funny." 145 00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:48,403 A twist on tonight's show is honesty. 146 00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:51,031 Hmm. 147 00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,951 My wife and I try anal sex once, and I don't like it, 148 00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:57,620 and for some reason I feel like that makes me a gentleman. 149 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:02,292 Huh? It's so cool, honey. We don't have to go that way anymore. 150 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:05,879 God knows you hate it. All tears 151 00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:10,925 If your wife cries during sex, 152 00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:13,136 he says something to you 153 00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:15,656 Check in Do you know what I mean? Check-in. 154 00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:17,307 "Are you okay?" Only one of them. 155 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,059 "Hey, everything's cool? What's going on? 156 00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:21,681 Got a little misty here. It's not me..." 157 00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:24,314 Also, talk like that. It's a big turn for women. 158 00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,107 It's a big turn for women. 159 00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:27,609 "Hey, just a short question! 160 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,946 What happens with tears?" 161 00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:36,826 Be it... Be happy. 162 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,203 "Hey! 163 00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:41,664 What's the problem with tears? 164 00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:44,876 Let's go back there!" 165 00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,882 Where do I lose some people? 166 00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:56,971 Visualization of my wife crying during anal sex? 167 00:09:57,055 --> 00:10:00,141 Is that where some people like, "Do you know what? 168 00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:02,852 No, come out next. We will take the next exit. 169 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,355 I'm not here for this." 170 00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:11,861 If you have tried it, that's one thing. Good. You tried it 171 00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:15,532 Have you ever tried to try it? Do you know what I mean? 172 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,534 Do you know what I'm talking about? 173 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:20,537 That means you will try it, and then you stop and you like, 174 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,330 "I can't do this. 175 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:24,999 Who do I think I am? 176 00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:29,546 Just because I see it in all laptop movies. 177 00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:33,174 That doesn't mean I know what I'm doing." 178 00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:36,594 This is difficult. It's like trying to get lime into a corona. 179 00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,642 Your first thought is always, "Who cut this? 180 00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:48,064 Don't they know What will I do with this?" 181 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,901 That will go away. That will go away. 182 00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,778 Know what I mean? That will go away. 183 00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:56,865 Like, it will go away. You have to want it 184 00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:58,992 You have to want a few things. 185 00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:01,536 This will go away if you want it bad enough. 186 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,541 Yes, my jacket has a problem for many people 187 00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:13,214 I'm not stupid. I caused this problem. I know what happened. 188 00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:14,966 I don't need to see it. 189 00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:19,387 That's how much my cock is. I know that you have to see it. 190 00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:23,766 Oh, so many people are like, "Ahh! Unzip it! 191 00:11:25,393 --> 00:11:27,478 Unzip it! Or buy your size! 192 00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:29,939 You know what I mean? You're fucking... 193 00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:33,776 How bad do you have to adjust yourself? Your age is 36. Dreams are over. " 194 00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:38,823 This? Oh, shit... that shirt? 195 00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:41,993 Shirt that flap That is the worst part of all. 196 00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:44,704 Along the way. That extra only... 197 00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:47,790 Hi! I'm a flap shirt! 198 00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:50,084 Oh, that's the cringeworthy part there. 199 00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:52,921 Oh my God. 200 00:11:53,004 --> 00:11:54,505 Some people like, "Tuck it in." 201 00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:56,424 I can't 202 00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:59,844 I slipped it, it looks like I'm disguised the police who train the Little League 203 00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:03,598 "Take two, Kev! Kev, take two! 204 00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:06,809 Kev, you have to go down. You have to slide, Kevin 205 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,687 Your father is bad! 206 00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:12,106 We play together. You will never be a pro. " 207 00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,525 He is hard on the players. 208 00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:16,194 "You will never fucking go pro, man. 209 00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:18,905 You don't know how to fucking slide? 210 00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:21,991 I will return to my rest area in a minute. I want to talk to your team. 211 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:25,745 You are bad 212 00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:27,038 You are bad 213 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,291 We have seven of you in my team. 214 00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:33,962 Yes, you hear me? We have seven of you. 215 00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:36,130 Some of you might go pro. 216 00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:37,674 Not you, Kev. 217 00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:43,805 What are you saying What did you say to me, Kevin? 218 00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,598 I'm a damn cop 219 00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:51,312 This is my cover. 220 00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:54,649 My cover aggressively trains the Little League. " 221 00:12:57,694 --> 00:13:01,572 I've done shows once... I've done shows where I wear a hoodie, 222 00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:04,993 and I pull a rope on one side up to my knee, 223 00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:07,662 and I leave a little on this side. 224 00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:11,165 People don't even see the program. 225 00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,377 Anger in their eyes... 226 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,921 It's like, "No! 227 00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:19,674 We are paid to be here! 228 00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:21,551 Fix it! " 229 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:25,013 I just twirled it. " So, I'm married. " 230 00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:27,765 Like, whipping. 231 00:13:28,683 --> 00:13:30,268 " Marriage is fun. " 232 00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:36,190 Oh, what does it do? What happens to some people? 233 00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:41,612 Does that help someone? Does that help 234 00:13:41,696 --> 00:13:43,781 Do anyone like it, "I don't like it, 235 00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:47,410 but if you go a little deeper I'm fine with that" 236 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,204 Just leave it like that a little. 237 00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:53,374 I can't even use a pocket. 238 00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:56,002 Hi! Yes. Table for one. 239 00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:58,296 Yes, table... M-Me again. 240 00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:00,423 I am again. Table for one. 241 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:02,884 I am "yoush." 242 00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:06,763 Put me in my "yoush", one of my top places. 243 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:10,016 It's even uncomfortable to use pocket 244 00:14:10,433 --> 00:14:11,476 Hi! 245 00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:16,689 In three years Kanye & apos; s will find this jacket, 246 00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:18,983 and then everyone will be like, "Oh, now I like it." 247 00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:22,320 You laugh at me now, but then you respect him three... 248 00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:24,238 "Now I think it's cool." 249 00:14:24,322 --> 00:14:27,033 Bullshit I set the trend. Look at this crap. 250 00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:30,286 "Oh, remember? Remember Kanye, He has that new jacket. 251 00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:33,915 Remember we saw the comic. He wears his jacket like that first." 252 00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:35,458 "No, I don't... I don't remember." 253 00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:38,169 "You don't remember? He killed himself two days later." 254 00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:40,630 You don't remember that 255 00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:44,175 He says if we don't laugh at every joke, he will commit suicide 256 00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:46,761 And that's the only joke He isn't kidding. 257 00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:50,681 Remember he has a suicide note in calligraphy, 258 00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:53,518 So you know he wants to do it. 259 00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:56,604 It might take two weeks to write it down. He thought about it. " 260 00:14:58,022 --> 00:15:01,234 My suicide note will only be lyrics to" Thong Song ". People will find my body. They are like," Oh, my God! "" Thong, thongong thong-thong. " 261 00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:05,696 262 00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:08,074 263 00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:11,327 "Hmm, why are there so many Sisqó on the way out?" 264 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:17,834 If you think of suicide, 265 00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:24,132 and see what all jazz is about! 266 00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:26,008 We are all curious. 267 00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:28,052 We will not do it. 268 00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,971 "What if I accidentally commit suicide?" 269 00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:33,433 But if you already want to die, try it. 270 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,186 What if it's amazing? 271 00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:43,651 "Suicide saves my life." 272 00:15:44,527 --> 00:15:46,821 Come this fall to CBS. 273 00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:49,574 Suicide Saves... 274 00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:04,922 I love... I like it when... I like it When people bend too precisely. 275 00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:06,174 It's very dirty. 276 00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,353 Just bow Be like, "Alright, thank you." 277 00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:23,649 No, but you are right to applaud there 278 00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:28,988 Everyone watching at home, I assume You also gave me a big round of applause. 279 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:33,367 No, many people don't give me standing Feelings of joy, but at home are easier to do. 280 00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:41,501 "Honey, should I stop it?" "No, I think I understand. 281 00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:45,004 I think I get most of what he does." 282 00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:50,885 Remember, like, ten years ago someone would like, 283 00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:54,931 "I saw a documentary," and we will all be like, "Nerd!" 284 00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,433 Now if someone likes, "I saw a documentary," 285 00:16:57,517 --> 00:17:00,978 It's like, "Of course you do it. How else can you stay socially social? than maybe continue. " 286 00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:03,814 Do you see that O.J. documentary? 287 00:17:03,898 --> 00:17:07,485 288 00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:13,991 289 00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:17,620 How do more people not see it? 290 00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:19,455 That's amazing. 291 00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:22,083 One of his friends he grew up with, with a hoarse voice? 292 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,836 Know who I'm talking about That dude... 293 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,630 "O.J... 294 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,259 Growin & apos; up... 295 00:17:32,343 --> 00:17:34,554 O.J. always kill people. 296 00:17:36,097 --> 00:17:39,100 I like, & apos; O.J., You can't be killed? & Apos;" 297 00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:41,936 His voi... What did he do to... Why? Why... 298 00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:43,563 "O.J." 299 00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:46,941 His whole life is like his friends, "I don't... You have to talk." 300 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,818 "OJ! 301 00:17:51,946 --> 00:17:54,323 I don't think OJ killed Nicole 302 00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:56,867 I think he killed Ron Goldman. 303 00:17:57,618 --> 00:18:00,162 And then Nicole accidentally committed suicide. 304 00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:02,915 Like, he has the most shittiest theory. 305 00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:05,710 = = "I mean, I think Nicole and Ron... 306 00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:08,129 kill O.J., 307 00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:11,549 and then both of them, 308 00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:17,888 "manifest what we now know as O.J." 309 00:18:19,557 --> 00:18:22,977 Documentator is like, "I can't use this recording. 310 00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:26,147 I can't use all of this. Where did you get that?" 311 00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:28,357 "I don't... I don't know. 312 00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,527 I've never seen it, 35 years ago. 313 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:34,488 I don't think we even need some of these documentaries. 314 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:40,244 Like, Planet Earth and Life. 315 00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:42,913 Like who is optimistic about our intelligence... as a person? 316 00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:46,000 Like, we haven't arrived yet. 317 00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:48,252 I don't need to learn about species on the sea floor 318 00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:49,629 I will never interact with him. 319 00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:52,465 Let's pull back. 320 00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:54,383 321 00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,385 322 00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:59,597 Let's do some documentaries about some simple nonsense. Do you know what I mean? 323 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,308 How does this microphone work? None of us know. 324 00:19:02,391 --> 00:19:04,560 None of us know. None of us ever knew. 325 00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:09,065 Our whole life since we were little... "It's a sound booming machine." 326 00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:13,170 If someone asks me, "How do you think it works?" I will, 327 00:19:13,194 --> 00:19:16,530 "Well, I think the sound is rather floating above the metal cage. 328 00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:18,991 Then the metal cage is like, & apos; Come in here! Blaaaaah! 329 00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:23,704 That's my best guess. 330 00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:26,624 I am 36 331 00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:30,127 My best guess is something that a child will do just chatter from above their heads, 332 00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:33,756 for the first time Think about it. 333 00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:38,969 334 00:19:39,053 --> 00:19:41,681 335 00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:43,867 "I don't know, I think it's just... Blu-Blah-Blu-Aaaah!" 336 00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:47,937 Like, okay Well, you go forward, or you go to the wrong path 337 00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:53,317 Oh, concrete? 338 00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:58,114 Sorry to turn this into a TED conversation. 339 00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:02,451 What is this concrete? Do you know what I mean? 340 00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:05,996 Like nonsense, it's hard forever? 341 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,666 This is hard forever. 342 00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,584 Alright, Illuminati. 343 00:20:10,668 --> 00:20:13,003 Good. Good. 344 00:20:15,089 --> 00:20:18,718 "Good luck transporting me in a normal truck That won't work. 345 00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:22,555 You have to put me in a cart Truck that is always moving. 346 00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:25,683 I really care. I am concrete." 347 00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:28,787 You can ask people who work concretely, "How does it work?" 348 00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:30,563 "Do you know what? I'm not even... 349 00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:33,399 Only, like, it's stuffy liquid, 350 00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:35,943 and then only all buildings, you know. 351 00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:38,904 This is really all the buildings. " 352 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:45,119 You once asked a friend how does the record player work? 353 00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:47,288 Like," Well, the needle reaches sou... " 354 00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:49,290 " Nothing? 355 00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:51,208 Fuckin & apos; listen to yourself! 356 00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:54,044 & apos; Needles reach sound & apos ;? 357 00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:56,547 What does that mean? " 358 00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:59,341 " Well, there are grooves in vinyl, and nee... " 359 00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:02,344 " What happens in the groove 360 00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:05,639 the needle that is realized and struck? 361 00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:08,476 What physical thing is going on in that case... " 362 00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:11,187 The show is over. The show ends. 363 00:21:12,021 --> 00:21:14,857 Turn off fake cameras. We don't need them. 364 00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:18,235 We will only shout and get to the bottom of the item now. 365 00:21:22,948 --> 00:21:25,868 Ultimate Frisbee. It's still ongoing. 366 00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:29,121 Have you ever watched Ultimate Frisbee? 367 00:21:29,205 --> 00:21:31,207 What is said about you? 368 00:21:31,999 --> 00:21:33,667 What do you see? 369 00:21:33,751 --> 00:21:36,504 See someone in defense, like, "Don't waste the Frisbee!" 370 00:21:38,339 --> 00:21:41,801 Someone is offended, like, "I have to, Jason! Get out of the way! 371 00:21:41,884 --> 00:21:44,053 Jason, get away! 372 00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:46,806 The game is throwing out the Frisbee." 373 00:21:49,934 --> 00:21:53,145 Every time someone asks me To get rid of the Frisbee, I say yes. 374 00:21:53,229 --> 00:21:56,398 And then my brain is like, "Dude, you don't know what you're doing." 375 00:21:57,817 --> 00:22:00,736 I think you are great at Frisbee or you are all like me, 376 00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:02,696 where for each throw you like, 377 00:22:02,780 --> 00:22:04,824 "Oh, please, God, just go. 378 00:22:05,741 --> 00:22:08,369 Somewhat close to that person 379 00:22:09,286 --> 00:22:10,704 Sorry!" 380 00:22:10,788 --> 00:22:13,415 You shout "forgive me" super fast. "Sorry!" 381 00:22:14,834 --> 00:22:17,753 Right before you release it. "Sorry! There!" 382 00:22:20,381 --> 00:22:23,634 Have you ever gone to get rid of Frisbee and that was immediately sideways? 383 00:22:25,636 --> 00:22:27,513 Can't have a return time. 384 00:22:30,099 --> 00:22:32,851 Just go to throw it and you like, "No! 385 00:22:33,519 --> 00:22:34,770 Fuck 386 00:22:34,853 --> 00:22:36,647 That's not me! 387 00:22:37,481 --> 00:22:38,983 That's not me." 388 00:22:42,695 --> 00:22:45,656 Have you ever seen someone Throw a Frisbee like this? 389 00:22:45,739 --> 00:22:49,159 No one was fired by a Frisbee, friend. 390 00:22:49,243 --> 00:22:51,036 Put it. 391 00:22:53,872 --> 00:22:59,461 There is nothing wrong with your classics Style discs in the 1950s. 392 00:23:02,089 --> 00:23:06,302 Many children are conceived That night of throwing is witnessed. 393 00:23:06,844 --> 00:23:09,054 "Oh, look at this person throwing it away." "Neil, go far!" 394 00:23:12,141 --> 00:23:14,143 "Ooh, great angel follow-up." 395 00:23:15,019 --> 00:23:17,771 "Hey, what are you women? go to tonight It's there!" 396 00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:25,446 "Did you see the person throwing the Frisbee? 397 00:23:26,488 --> 00:23:31,493 Ooh. I hope I get a chance later to suck his penis a little. 398 00:23:33,370 --> 00:23:38,334 Anyone who innovates passes the Frisbee at that level, 399 00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:42,588 that type of penis I like to suck a little. 400 00:23:43,714 --> 00:23:46,884 If I get the opportunity. 401 00:23:47,593 --> 00:23:49,595 There will be a line, I'm sure. " 402 00:23:55,059 --> 00:23:56,477 Good. 403 00:23:57,895 --> 00:24:00,147 I know the guy you have to meet here. 404 00:24:00,230 --> 00:24:02,483 You can laugh, this person has this l... 405 00:24:02,566 --> 00:24:05,819 Will you watch it if this is my set? " Anyways... 406 00:24:08,155 --> 00:24:10,532 What else happened? 407 00:24:10,616 --> 00:24:13,494 Eh, there's more, have you ever had a meatball sub? " 408 00:24:17,748 --> 00:24:19,500 All right, all right, alright. 409 00:24:19,583 --> 00:24:21,085 Let's get this... 410 00:24:21,168 --> 00:24:23,587 Let's turn on the camera. Let's do it. 411 00:24:25,673 --> 00:24:28,967 I usually like to run 20, 30 minutes to an hour, 412 00:24:29,051 --> 00:24:30,886 and then I want to actually record it. 413 00:24:34,723 --> 00:24:38,686 I will do some type selection jokes for all of you, if that... 414 00:24:39,812 --> 00:24:42,022 I know... 415 00:24:42,106 --> 00:24:44,149 I know people... 416 00:24:44,233 --> 00:24:47,736 I know people, wherever you are watch this, whenever you like, 417 00:24:47,820 --> 00:24:51,031 "Wait, the election has happened. We already know the results." 418 00:24:51,115 --> 00:24:53,867 Guess what. Everyone in this room, we don't know. 419 00:24:53,951 --> 00:24:56,578 So look at us. See how happy it used to be. 420 00:24:58,706 --> 00:25:00,332 We were very happy. 421 00:25:01,583 --> 00:25:02,960 Then everything falls apart. 422 00:25:03,544 --> 00:25:05,504 I, personally, I'm very happy, 423 00:25:05,587 --> 00:25:08,340 because this election is about inspiration 424 00:25:08,424 --> 00:25:11,510 When Barack Obama was elected, He was the first black president. 425 00:25:11,593 --> 00:25:12,761 That inspires. 426 00:25:12,845 --> 00:25:16,098 If Hillary Clinton wins this election, she is the first female president. 427 00:25:16,181 --> 00:25:17,307 That inspires. 428 00:25:17,391 --> 00:25:21,812 If Donald Trump wins this election, that Inspires the average Joes like me. 429 00:25:21,895 --> 00:25:25,274 I'm not walking around, assuming I have had the opportunity in the presidency. 430 00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:28,444 But now like, I don't know. He did it, you know? 431 00:25:30,112 --> 00:25:32,406 What is that? I filled out the 432 00:25:33,907 --> 00:25:37,369 Do I send recordings? How do I start the process? 433 00:25:39,037 --> 00:25:40,706 You also have to be optimistic. 434 00:25:40,789 --> 00:25:45,210 I mean, if he wins, we all I will die at the same time. 435 00:25:47,588 --> 00:25:49,673 That's a special that you can't buy. 436 00:25:49,757 --> 00:25:52,676 You were born at that time or you don't. 437 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,387 That is a dinosaur, and now we are. 438 00:25:56,054 --> 00:25:57,765 That's amazing 439 00:25:57,848 --> 00:25:59,349 That's so cool. 440 00:26:00,350 --> 00:26:03,103 What are the ways to go. Do you know what I mean? 441 00:26:03,187 --> 00:26:07,274 Like, now if you die like you, "But all my friends are still alive! 442 00:26:08,442 --> 00:26:11,278 Ah, everyone will eat! " 443 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:16,074 Come on... let's go... Let's admit something right now. 444 00:26:16,158 --> 00:26:19,661 You know it's the most adrenaline we get to this age 445 00:26:19,745 --> 00:26:22,372 " Hey, we'll go to dinner. " "What, can I go too?" 446 00:26:24,374 --> 00:26:28,212 "Wine bottles for the dining table? We parachute without parachute now. " 447 00:26:29,838 --> 00:26:32,341 I want to be socially for this conversation, 448 00:26:32,424 --> 00:26:34,343 But I do math all the time. 449 00:26:34,426 --> 00:26:36,678 How do we split this bill? 450 00:26:36,762 --> 00:26:39,765 Does Kathy throw? Is she in? here in my 20s? Anyone in their 20s? 451 00:26:43,435 --> 00:26:46,480 Yes! 452 00:26:46,563 --> 00:26:48,732 Get some whoo and a few pats. 453 00:26:48,816 --> 00:26:51,777 Soak it up. Have fun. become a dick. 454 00:26:51,860 --> 00:26:55,531 I said you have something right now and you need to hug him. 455 00:26:55,614 --> 00:26:59,910 456 00:26:59,993 --> 00:27:03,372 I know you're like, "I went out, I fucking & apos; it stays out very late. 457 00:27:04,540 --> 00:27:07,668 I live outside until like 3:00 or 4:00. I'm fucking... I turned it off. 458 00:27:08,502 --> 00:27:09,795 = = I turn it off. 459 00:27:10,587 --> 00:27:12,130 I do a lot of shots. 460 00:27:12,214 --> 00:27:14,842 Oh, you have to see me. 461 00:27:15,592 --> 00:27:18,178 I do so much fucking & apos; shot. 462 00:27:18,262 --> 00:27:21,932 All shots I do. 463 00:27:22,015 --> 00:27:23,892 So many, I can't even stop. 464 00:27:24,852 --> 00:27:27,229 I force them on others. 465 00:27:27,312 --> 00:27:29,815 You do one with me. You have to! 466 00:27:29,898 --> 00:27:32,317 We have to do it together. 467 00:27:32,401 --> 00:27:34,069 And I hope it feels ugly so we can see who can handle it as well as possible. " 468 00:27:34,152 --> 00:27:37,698 Shots are the only thing, when feels like rubbish, everyone is like, 469 00:27:41,535 --> 00:27:44,472 470 00:27:44,496 --> 00:27:46,331 "Well, that's really a drink." 471 00:27:47,374 --> 00:27:49,376 If the food is like that, you will not eat the food. 472 00:27:49,459 --> 00:27:53,255 "Do you know what? If it feels like rubbish, that's how you know it's good." 473 00:27:55,632 --> 00:27:58,468 "I just shot, and it feels like just like apple pie." 474 00:27:58,552 --> 00:28:00,554 "That's because you're a fucking girl." 475 00:28:02,180 --> 00:28:04,182 Who doesn't want to drink apple pie? 476 00:28:09,730 --> 00:28:12,774 Yes, when you are 30 years and over, oh, it's over 477 00:28:13,775 --> 00:28:14,985 This is not your choice. 478 00:28:15,068 --> 00:28:17,738 You think you can continue to do it, but you can't 479 00:28:17,821 --> 00:28:20,532 Your body starts to get involved. 480 00:28:20,616 --> 00:28:24,244 Your body is like, "What is that? Want to eat a piece of pizza at 2:00 am 481 00:28:25,203 --> 00:28:26,413 All right. 482 00:28:28,206 --> 00:28:29,416 Good. 483 00:28:29,917 --> 00:28:32,127 Good luck. Good luck. 484 00:28:32,210 --> 00:28:33,712 Good luck, dude 485 00:28:34,546 --> 00:28:35,672 Good luck. 486 00:28:35,756 --> 00:28:40,135 I hope you are ready to wake up at 3.45 scorched earth damn up here 487 00:28:42,638 --> 00:28:46,016 Yes, go get your Tums. Go get your Tummies. 488 00:28:46,099 --> 00:28:47,684 Go get your Tums. 489 00:28:47,768 --> 00:28:49,811 & apos; I need my Tums! & apos; " 490 00:28:51,438 --> 00:28:53,625 When you are in your 20s and you have a hangover, you like, 491 00:28:53,649 --> 00:28:55,651 " God, I need Advil and water. " 492 00:28:55,734 --> 00:28:58,612 In my 30s, that's how throws an arrow into the tank. 493 00:28:58,695 --> 00:29:00,572 And you only have three drinks. 494 00:29:00,656 --> 00:29:04,743 One of them is not even alcohol. But is soda, and I've been doing it for a long time. 495 00:29:10,582 --> 00:29:12,834 Well, if anyone tells you 496 00:29:12,918 --> 00:29:16,296 You can exit and leave it to the end you want 497 00:29:16,380 --> 00:29:19,007 and drink free every night 498 00:29:19,091 --> 00:29:22,636 or pay $ 20 to sleep at 8:00 a night, 499 00:29:24,972 --> 00:29:29,893 You will decrease $ 40 just to make sure it will happen. 500 00:29:29,977 --> 00:29:33,814 You will like, "There are doubles, don't fuckin & apos; fuck me for this, man. our jammies. 501 00:29:33,897 --> 00:29:35,816 At 8:00 to roll around I want almost to be there You know what I mean? 502 00:29:35,899 --> 00:29:39,236 I get parents now. Like, I understand. 503 00:29:40,028 --> 00:29:42,948 Growing up, I don't understand my grandparents. 504 00:29:43,031 --> 00:29:44,866 I don't understand. Now I understand. 505 00:29:47,494 --> 00:29:49,955 "We have dinner at 4.30." 506 00:29:50,038 --> 00:29:51,891 "Why not?" 507 00:29:51,915 --> 00:29:53,667 Dinner at 4.30. Bed at 6:00. Until 2:00 a.m. See the world! 508 00:29:53,750 --> 00:29:56,169 See the whole world That is the only way you will do it. 509 00:29:56,253 --> 00:29:58,046 The only way you will do it will wake up at 2:00 a.m. 510 00:30:03,010 --> 00:30:07,264 511 00:30:07,347 --> 00:30:10,309 512 00:30:10,392 --> 00:30:12,245 513 00:30:12,269 --> 00:30:14,938 Because when you wake up at 2:00... Yes! 514 00:30:16,064 --> 00:30:19,568 My grandfather will be on the terrace to catch the morning paper 515 00:30:19,651 --> 00:30:22,654 and then shout, "Why did I wait half an hour?" 516 00:30:25,907 --> 00:30:27,492 That explorer. 517 00:30:31,913 --> 00:30:33,832 Look, what I want to say is, 518 00:30:33,915 --> 00:30:36,835 If we all die at the same time, 519 00:30:36,918 --> 00:30:39,171 It's like no one died. 520 00:30:39,963 --> 00:30:43,508 If Trump wins this election, you, we will all live forever 521 00:30:45,719 --> 00:30:49,264 And the sad thing is, maybe so a real slogan that you heard before November. 522 00:30:49,848 --> 00:30:53,435 "Make a vote for me, everyone lives forever." Like, "What? 523 00:30:53,518 --> 00:30:54,895 And rest will last longer? 524 00:30:54,978 --> 00:30:58,523 This person knows something we all don't know 525 00:30:59,608 --> 00:31:01,234 I like that." 526 00:31:03,612 --> 00:31:07,115 If I can do it my way, I will say it get another Kenyan for four more years. 527 00:31:07,199 --> 00:31:08,950 Do you know what I mean? 528 00:31:12,245 --> 00:31:14,081 Yes. Hah. 529 00:31:14,164 --> 00:31:18,585 Some people like, "That's where jokes stop and the manifesto starts." 530 00:31:18,668 --> 00:31:21,505 Also, people clap with that joke, This is a kind of mixed signal. 531 00:31:21,588 --> 00:31:24,758 This is like, do you think he is not an American citizen? 532 00:31:24,841 --> 00:31:26,593 Do you agree with my sarcasm, 533 00:31:26,676 --> 00:31:29,679 or are you not interpreting my sarcasm? 534 00:31:29,763 --> 00:31:32,099 "Yes! Get another Kenyan!" 535 00:31:34,226 --> 00:31:36,144 I know Barack Obama is a US citizen. 536 00:31:36,228 --> 00:31:39,148 Many people don't think of him. One of them may be the president. 537 00:31:39,189 --> 00:31:41,900 So if you are not afraid now, Think about it. 538 00:31:43,193 --> 00:31:46,363 I kind of imagined that he was not a US citizen 539 00:31:46,446 --> 00:31:48,865 Becoming the first _ black president in this country, 540 00:31:48,949 --> 00:31:50,867 with nonsense that this country has gone through, 541 00:31:50,951 --> 00:31:53,578 and current racial tensions in this country, 542 00:31:53,662 --> 00:31:55,831 to become the first black president, is extraordinary. 543 00:31:56,665 --> 00:31:59,209 But above that, to not even become a US citizen? 544 00:32:00,127 --> 00:32:01,128 What? 545 00:32:01,211 --> 00:32:03,588 I'm sorry. What? 546 00:32:03,672 --> 00:32:05,257 That's shocking! 547 00:32:05,340 --> 00:32:09,136 That's your job until you don't want it anymore. 548 00:32:09,219 --> 00:32:13,140 If he really is not a US citizen, that's Like, "You have us, so it's yours. 549 00:32:13,223 --> 00:32:15,892 Obviously we don't qualify to do it. If he really is not a US citizen, you can imagine 550 00:32:15,976 --> 00:32:17,394 number one night with Michelle in the White House? 551 00:32:20,021 --> 00:32:23,275 He is like, "Can you fucking believe this nonsense?" 552 00:32:23,358 --> 00:32:25,735 553 00:32:25,819 --> 00:32:28,113 554 00:32:29,906 --> 00:32:33,285 I'm just kidding! I am just kidding. 555 00:32:33,368 --> 00:32:35,120 I never thought of this far. 556 00:32:35,203 --> 00:32:37,247 I really never thought would go so far 557 00:32:39,499 --> 00:32:42,836 Michelle likes, "What are we going to do? What are we going to do? 558 00:32:44,546 --> 00:32:47,841 Just go make an announcement... Just joke... and we will get out of here." 559 00:32:47,924 --> 00:32:51,261 "Okay, okay, okay, okay. Relax." 560 00:32:51,344 --> 00:32:54,198 If you know it is an actual scene occurs in the White House you will, 561 00:32:54,222 --> 00:32:56,057 "Let's give them 12 years. 562 00:32:56,141 --> 00:32:58,894 They are adorable? Twelve years." 563 00:33:03,398 --> 00:33:07,235 I would be happy if, on his last day, he just came out and he was like, 564 00:33:07,319 --> 00:33:09,654 "I have to be clean about something with you 565 00:33:10,489 --> 00:33:12,908 I am not even a US citizen." 566 00:33:14,451 --> 00:33:16,912 Are not we all, even if you hate it, 567 00:33:16,995 --> 00:33:20,707 will be like, "Release, Barack! What? look into it. 568 00:33:20,790 --> 00:33:21,917 You are really the only president We have seen it. " 569 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,877 There is nothing racist about it. Let's keep moving, you know? 570 00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:26,671 Scoop it under the carpet. 571 00:33:26,755 --> 00:33:28,798 There are no side effects. You know 572 00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:33,136 If you think it's very easy, you do that 573 00:33:33,220 --> 00:33:38,225 That's my declaration for everyone. 574 00:33:41,937 --> 00:33:45,524 If you think it's very easy for fuckin & apos; pull it off, 575 00:33:46,191 --> 00:33:48,193 You go to another country and you can get as far as the president. 576 00:33:48,735 --> 00:33:50,403 You won't even get as far as a lawyer Because none of us know what that is. 577 00:33:54,407 --> 00:33:56,451 We never knew. 578 00:33:56,535 --> 00:33:58,870 579 00:33:58,954 --> 00:34:00,932 580 00:34:00,956 --> 00:34:05,502 581 00:34:06,670 --> 00:34:11,341 582 00:34:11,424 --> 00:34:12,801 583 00:34:12,884 --> 00:34:15,720 Every time you enter the voter booth, you like, "Lawyer? 584 00:34:15,804 --> 00:34:18,014 All right. Who has a cool name? 585 00:34:19,474 --> 00:34:21,226 I don't know." 586 00:34:21,309 --> 00:34:24,479 You don't know what the lawyer is doing. You also don't know what the mayor is. 587 00:34:24,563 --> 00:34:28,191 You think you are growing up. You like, "A mayor runs the city. 588 00:34:28,275 --> 00:34:30,569 I see it in Richard Scarry's book." 589 00:34:34,573 --> 00:34:36,992 Then Marion Barry was caught smoking in the 90s 590 00:34:37,075 --> 00:34:40,120 People like, "What? But he's the mayor!" 591 00:34:40,203 --> 00:34:42,872 Then Rob Ford in Toronto, he was caught smoking a crack. 592 00:34:42,956 --> 00:34:45,834 Maybe we, as people, need to retreat 593 00:34:45,917 --> 00:34:49,296 and ask yourself, "Is the mayor smoking?" 594 00:34:50,839 --> 00:34:53,341 They can all smoke. We don't know. 595 00:34:53,425 --> 00:34:55,135 We don't know what they are doing. 596 00:34:56,177 --> 00:34:58,513 We don't know. That's what they do. 597 00:34:58,597 --> 00:35:00,682 These two people happened to be caught. 598 00:35:01,141 --> 00:35:04,019 You know how not everyone In this room there is a DUI, 599 00:35:04,102 --> 00:35:06,438 but we all qualify for one? 600 00:35:07,689 --> 00:35:11,484 This is like that, except cracks. 601 00:35:11,568 --> 00:35:14,070 And that is the elected government official. 602 00:35:14,154 --> 00:35:16,448 Otherwise, it's the same thing. 603 00:35:16,531 --> 00:35:18,533 That's what they do. 604 00:35:19,117 --> 00:35:21,745 They walk around smoking cracks, 605 00:35:21,828 --> 00:35:23,830 bring their big scissors 606 00:35:26,082 --> 00:35:29,044 You can't find scissors anywhere. 607 00:35:29,127 --> 00:35:31,338 That is the biggest evil of all. 608 00:35:31,421 --> 00:35:33,173 Where did you get the item? 609 00:35:33,923 --> 00:35:36,551 Some of you like, "Look at Etsy." I did it. 610 00:35:37,135 --> 00:35:40,013 That's the only research I did in this whole show. 611 00:35:41,598 --> 00:35:43,767 I can just googled "lawyer." 612 00:35:43,850 --> 00:35:45,602 I don't care. 613 00:35:46,353 --> 00:35:48,313 Take me to gold scissors. 614 00:35:49,648 --> 00:35:52,233 Here, cut the ribbon with these normal scissors. 615 00:35:52,317 --> 00:35:54,152 No! 616 00:35:54,235 --> 00:35:56,363 That won't work. 617 00:35:56,446 --> 00:35:59,199 They will never be able to pass this Silk. 618 00:36:00,241 --> 00:36:05,705 I need my giant scissors if we ever will open a skate park parking lot. 619 00:36:10,085 --> 00:36:13,380 I also don't know What a preservation park skate, 620 00:36:13,463 --> 00:36:16,633 but it's fun to say, and people laugh, and that's really what it's all about. 621 00:36:21,596 --> 00:36:24,474 Republican Gay What do they know we don't know? 622 00:36:26,142 --> 00:36:27,227 I mean... 623 00:36:29,521 --> 00:36:33,066 is there something I can read online? to get stuck? 624 00:36:33,149 --> 00:36:36,945 It's like I'm trying to support you, but are you even trying to support you? 625 00:36:39,072 --> 00:36:42,450 "Yes, I realize I am affiliated with myself with political parties 626 00:36:42,534 --> 00:36:46,830 who doesn't believe that I deserve it to breathe the same air as others. 627 00:36:46,913 --> 00:36:49,374 And many of them, if they know they can get away with it, 628 00:36:49,457 --> 00:36:51,751 might try and kill me 629 00:36:51,835 --> 00:36:53,461 But you want to know something? 630 00:36:53,545 --> 00:36:56,756 My core, I am fiscal conservative. " 631 00:37:00,176 --> 00:37:04,514 You've been in your backyard at night, and you just saw that endless sky 632 00:37:04,597 --> 00:37:06,307 and you just want to know what that means? 633 00:37:06,391 --> 00:37:09,477 Here we are, on the rock, floating in space. 634 00:37:09,561 --> 00:37:11,271 Whatever this is even. 635 00:37:11,354 --> 00:37:14,482 We don't even know how we got here. We don't know where we are going. 636 00:37:14,566 --> 00:37:19,112 We don't even know what is our existence 637 00:37:19,195 --> 00:37:22,574 see the stars up there, and they aren't even there. 638 00:37:22,657 --> 00:37:25,243 It's just that we finally see light from the stars 639 00:37:25,326 --> 00:37:28,037 And just something like that is so mind blowing, 640 00:37:28,121 --> 00:37:30,206 You just want to shout to the sky... 641 00:37:31,499 --> 00:37:33,626 "Do we spend too much?" 642 00:37:37,088 --> 00:37:40,508 You know Larger questions in life. 643 00:37:45,764 --> 00:37:48,349 We will be back soon after this message. 644 00:37:53,521 --> 00:37:55,732 Jack White, you're a revolutionary artist. 645 00:37:55,815 --> 00:37:59,486 You are known for doing many of the first experiences in many different fields. 646 00:37:59,569 --> 00:38:01,863 Rory, you have never done a stand-up before. 647 00:38:01,946 --> 00:38:04,824 I have never, ever done a stand-up. 648 00:38:04,908 --> 00:38:06,868 Rory, let me handle this. 649 00:38:06,951 --> 00:38:08,453 Jack has it. 650 00:38:09,037 --> 00:38:12,665 Rory has never, ever done a stand-up in his life 651 00:38:12,749 --> 00:38:16,294 Throughout the year, every time I've watched stand-up comedians 652 00:38:16,377 --> 00:38:18,713 or appearance late at night 653 00:38:18,797 --> 00:38:22,300 from people who have trained their material, written, researched, 654 00:38:22,383 --> 00:38:24,302 doing road work, paying their fees. 655 00:38:24,385 --> 00:38:26,179 - Professionalism - We have seen that 656 00:38:26,888 --> 00:38:29,307 What about guys who doesn't know what he is doing, 657 00:38:29,390 --> 00:38:32,727 completely out of its elements, is less interesting, 658 00:38:32,811 --> 00:38:34,521 maybe not so funny... 659 00:38:34,604 --> 00:38:36,189 What is it like? 660 00:38:36,272 --> 00:38:39,734 Rory, why did you enter this interview? right in the middle of your favorite? 661 00:38:39,818 --> 00:38:44,364 Well, Ben, as a complete amateur, stand-up first timer, 662 00:38:44,447 --> 00:38:47,200 Actually I don't have much material. 663 00:38:47,867 --> 00:38:48,868 Enough, actually. 664 00:38:48,952 --> 00:38:51,788 So I think, we will sketch and put it in the middle. 665 00:38:51,871 --> 00:38:53,206 That will take some time. 666 00:38:53,289 --> 00:38:58,127 Jack comes out. So that's a cool thing, I think. 667 00:39:00,380 --> 00:39:03,216 Plus... 668 00:39:03,299 --> 00:39:05,468 Pl... 669 00:39:05,969 --> 00:39:07,053 Plus... 670 00:39:12,475 --> 00:39:14,185 Um... 671 00:39:14,269 --> 00:39:16,145 No, wait It's actually my last thought. 672 00:39:16,229 --> 00:39:19,148 Happy Happy. 673 00:39:19,858 --> 00:39:20,984 Ecstatic! 674 00:39:21,067 --> 00:39:23,069 Good. Can you move a little? 675 00:39:23,152 --> 00:39:25,071 Yes, yes. Just launch? 676 00:39:25,154 --> 00:39:27,866 - too close Is that adequate... - Sure. 677 00:39:27,949 --> 00:39:30,410 But the problem is, If you are excited, 678 00:39:30,493 --> 00:39:32,495 when you go into it... 679 00:39:32,579 --> 00:39:34,581 Actually, I will move you more. 680 00:39:34,664 --> 00:39:35,498 Come here 681 00:39:35,582 --> 00:39:38,519 So you wonder, where's the idea going Come if I have a lot of this energy, 682 00:39:38,543 --> 00:39:39,919 Am I happy? 683 00:39:40,003 --> 00:39:41,689 Because I just got to know the whole process... 684 00:39:41,713 --> 00:39:44,757 Can you pause? Is there another sofa that we can carry? 685 00:39:44,841 --> 00:39:48,386 This is a new area, something I have never done before 686 00:39:48,469 --> 00:39:51,848 And so, I... one word, happy. 687 00:39:54,726 --> 00:39:56,352 What is this? 688 00:39:56,436 --> 00:39:58,646 This is a small batch of Kentucky. 689 00:39:58,730 --> 00:40:00,940 I bring it for all our guests. 690 00:40:01,024 --> 00:40:02,984 This is a good and special way to end. 691 00:40:03,067 --> 00:40:05,028 - That's right you Thank you. - Cheers. 692 00:40:05,111 --> 00:40:07,071 - Yes, cheers - Happy to share with you 693 00:40:07,155 --> 00:40:08,781 The smell is really great from this far. 694 00:40:12,452 --> 00:40:13,953 Ooh. 695 00:40:14,037 --> 00:40:17,874 Maybe fun, maybe you can do it some jokes now for everyone. 696 00:40:17,957 --> 00:40:20,460 - What am I? - You have to do it 697 00:40:20,543 --> 00:40:22,223 Okay, yes. Right here in the studio? 698 00:40:22,295 --> 00:40:24,088 Yes, right here for the audience. 699 00:40:24,172 --> 00:40:26,716 What's the best What's up here on the sofa? 700 00:40:26,799 --> 00:40:28,927 I will stand up. This is called stand-up comedy. 701 00:40:29,010 --> 00:40:30,511 Yes, okay. 702 00:40:30,595 --> 00:40:32,096 - What if...? - Right. 703 00:40:32,180 --> 00:40:33,820 - Is this...? - How is it possible here? 704 00:40:33,890 --> 00:40:35,391 Yes, okay. Yes, yes. 705 00:40:38,227 --> 00:40:39,872 - A little... - Flying is, obviously... 706 00:40:39,896 --> 00:40:42,899 No, a little further for a moment. I don't mean to cut you. 707 00:40:42,982 --> 00:40:45,485 When you get to the airport... 708 00:40:46,069 --> 00:40:48,363 - I will go further. - Good. 709 00:40:48,446 --> 00:40:50,281 You get a lot of shadows. 710 00:40:50,365 --> 00:40:53,076 - You get there, and TSA, they are like... - No no. Some more 711 00:40:53,159 --> 00:40:54,661 A few more legs. A little bit more. 712 00:40:54,744 --> 00:40:56,245 Next exit. Good. 713 00:40:56,329 --> 00:40:58,498 And then you are already nervous to fly. 714 00:40:58,581 --> 00:41:00,792 And one more leg. 715 00:41:00,875 --> 00:41:02,627 - Some bits. - And that's it. 716 00:41:03,294 --> 00:41:07,173 When will TSA finally realize that we all know the shoes? 717 00:41:07,256 --> 00:41:08,257 Do you know what I mean? 718 00:41:08,341 --> 00:41:10,486 You arrive at the airport, they tell you to take off your shoes 719 00:41:10,510 --> 00:41:12,845 It's like, "Who doesn't know now?" 720 00:41:12,929 --> 00:41:15,640 Is someone heading to the airport, what is it like? 721 00:41:17,183 --> 00:41:19,310 I have to take off my shoes? " 722 00:41:19,727 --> 00:41:22,730 If that happens, arrest and kill that person. 723 00:41:23,648 --> 00:41:26,484 They may not be terrorists, but they hold the phone. 724 00:41:26,567 --> 00:41:29,570 And what is terrorism at the local level? ? 725 00:41:29,654 --> 00:41:32,073 Hold the phone? We don't need those people. 726 00:41:32,657 --> 00:41:35,201 "When did this start?" "Kill him!" And I'm too far back. "Kill him! 727 00:41:36,703 --> 00:41:39,080 In front of everyone! Everyone is watching! 728 00:41:39,622 --> 00:41:42,083 Everyone. No, baby, everyone is watching. 729 00:41:42,166 --> 00:41:44,752 Everyone. Everyone is watching. 730 00:41:44,836 --> 00:41:47,130 Everyone is watching. 731 00:41:47,213 --> 00:41:50,341 Never be like that. " 732 00:41:54,887 --> 00:41:56,723 This is a damn high pressure situation 733 00:41:56,806 --> 00:41:58,141 when you start trading with security 734 00:42:00,601 --> 00:42:02,854 No one is dressed and takes off clothes When moving sideways at home, 735 00:42:02,937 --> 00:42:05,648 736 00:42:05,732 --> 00:42:08,484 737 00:42:08,568 --> 00:42:11,571 but damn if not an Olympian when you get there 738 00:42:12,405 --> 00:42:14,365 Speed up! 739 00:42:14,449 --> 00:42:17,618 People cry, like, "I just want to see my family again! 740 00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:23,624 Am I allowed to leave my pullover? 741 00:42:25,543 --> 00:42:28,212 Oh my God! I forgot to put my wallet in the trash! 742 00:42:28,296 --> 00:42:29,797 What will happen? " 743 00:42:36,554 --> 00:42:37,972 There is no wallet 744 00:42:42,435 --> 00:42:44,937 This is very bad. 745 00:42:45,605 --> 00:42:48,500 Like when you match everyone and you will pass zigzag, 746 00:42:48,524 --> 00:42:50,902 yes, you have the time of your life 747 00:42:53,154 --> 00:42:55,656 When you touch a trash can, you are in the Octagon. 748 00:42:55,740 --> 00:42:58,910 There is no friend of yours There are no friends. 749 00:43:00,119 --> 00:43:02,455 They determine your time. Once you touch the bin, leave! 750 00:43:04,499 --> 00:43:06,709 "That's as fast as you can? 751 00:43:06,793 --> 00:43:08,586 How many garbage bins do you need? 752 00:43:09,212 --> 00:43:11,881 Laptops and iPads? Where do you go? 753 00:43:16,010 --> 00:43:18,679 Then you have to pass it the damn machine. 754 00:43:19,430 --> 00:43:21,224 What is that? 755 00:43:21,307 --> 00:43:24,185 Why do we do it? What is that? 756 00:43:25,436 --> 00:43:27,355 If you ask TSA, "What is this even?" 757 00:43:27,438 --> 00:43:30,525 They are like, "Well, show us where Freckles sweat, 758 00:43:30,608 --> 00:43:31,901 and then we overcome them." 759 00:43:35,321 --> 00:43:37,925 Next time you are at the airport and you enter the Stargate machine, 760 00:43:37,949 --> 00:43:39,869 Look at people on the other side and be like, 761 00:43:39,909 --> 00:43:42,495 "I think Los Angeles, 1984, please." 762 00:43:53,422 --> 00:43:54,674 "Sir, please come out." 763 00:43:54,757 --> 00:43:57,301 "Oh, how long did I go?" 764 00:43:57,385 --> 00:44:00,054 Do all that "Sir, you can come out." 765 00:44:00,138 --> 00:44:02,431 "How long have I gone? 766 00:44:02,515 --> 00:44:03,808 Where am I?" 767 00:44:03,891 --> 00:44:06,018 "Very funny, sir. Please go, ride your flight. 768 00:44:06,102 --> 00:44:09,605 769 00:44:12,024 --> 00:44:14,277 "I thought I was sent from the future to kill a boy." 770 00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:16,529 "Sir, please take your bag. Come on your flight. 771 00:44:16,612 --> 00:44:18,906 Ma & apos; am, go here! 772 00:44:18,990 --> 00:44:21,075 Why are you trying to feed the baby?" 773 00:44:29,625 --> 00:44:31,836 Anyways, it's my airport cruise. 774 00:44:36,048 --> 00:44:40,344 If you think of White Jesus, you are not permitted to have opinions about gun control Not everyone will agree. 775 00:44:43,431 --> 00:44:45,641 We know now, more than before, Education is expensive. 776 00:44:46,767 --> 00:44:49,770 Also some people in the crowd like, "But White Jesus." 777 00:44:51,105 --> 00:44:53,858 And you do your best. 778 00:44:53,941 --> 00:44:55,943 I want to live like that. 779 00:44:57,069 --> 00:44:59,196 I can't 780 00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:00,656 I have to be here. I have to look into it. 781 00:45:00,740 --> 00:45:03,701 What I say is, if you want real change, 782 00:45:05,786 --> 00:45:08,372 You must limit some people's ability to choose. 783 00:45:08,456 --> 00:45:11,709 784 00:45:11,792 --> 00:45:12,792 I know. 785 00:45:12,835 --> 00:45:15,713 I know. I know. 786 00:45:15,796 --> 00:45:17,757 That doesn't sound progressive. 787 00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:19,634 Not genocide. 788 00:45:20,217 --> 00:45:23,304 People hate genocide. 789 00:45:24,013 --> 00:45:25,139 Why? 790 00:45:28,142 --> 00:45:30,227 Because it's used to cringe 791 00:45:30,311 --> 00:45:34,440 every time it's used throughout history? 792 00:45:35,274 --> 00:45:37,568 That's not necessarily Make it a bad thing. 793 00:45:39,236 --> 00:45:41,197 If I tell you tomorrow 794 00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:45,534 that we will collect all racists, homophobia 795 00:45:45,618 --> 00:45:46,911 and kill them, 796 00:45:46,994 --> 00:45:49,275 You tell me all smart people won't be like... 797 00:45:49,997 --> 00:45:52,375 "Okay, damn, we haven't tried that version 798 00:45:54,835 --> 00:45:56,587 That might really have an impact." 799 00:45:56,671 --> 00:45:59,006 Maybe it's not based on skin color or religion. 800 00:45:59,090 --> 00:46:02,802 Maybe it's just that, "Who is the dick? Bring him out Bring him out of here." 801 00:46:03,594 --> 00:46:06,347 Lump denial of global warming. Let's clean the house. 802 00:46:06,430 --> 00:46:09,684 You understand. You are hip. You are cool. You understand. 803 00:46:10,685 --> 00:46:13,354 I'm one of those people who don't believe in global warming but I'm sure Noah's is a true story 804 00:46:13,437 --> 00:46:16,148 Where the person warns everyone about crazy weather changes, 805 00:46:19,110 --> 00:46:23,572 and everyone like, "Shut your mouth, Noah. 806 00:46:23,656 --> 00:46:26,325 Stop all the wood so you can go and make love with the animals. . 807 00:46:27,326 --> 00:46:31,956 Looks like you are building sort of sex ship out there. = People make love & apos; We don't know you 808 00:46:32,039 --> 00:46:34,166 We don't know you People chattin & apos; 809 00:46:34,250 --> 00:46:36,669 810 00:46:36,752 --> 00:46:40,297 811 00:46:41,007 --> 00:46:43,968 812 00:46:44,051 --> 00:46:47,304 813 00:46:47,388 --> 00:46:49,724 814 00:46:49,807 --> 00:46:52,476 815 00:46:53,144 --> 00:46:54,770 You are like a thousand. 816 00:46:56,063 --> 00:46:58,024 There are no other thousand people. " 817 00:47:08,743 --> 00:47:12,413 On the topic of weapons, Not everyone here likes weapons. 818 00:47:12,496 --> 00:47:14,540 Not everyone here hates weapons. 819 00:47:14,623 --> 00:47:16,375 Maybe some weapons should not be available. 820 00:47:16,459 --> 00:47:20,880 all weapons are currently available. 821 00:47:20,963 --> 00:47:24,341 And some people collect weapons. 822 00:47:24,425 --> 00:47:27,386 And some people pick flowers, hope everything will disappear someday. 823 00:47:27,470 --> 00:47:32,475 I guarantee, it won't disappear. 824 00:47:32,933 --> 00:47:36,437 You have been led to believe at a certain point, it will be us versus them. We just don't know who they are. become fucking & apos; bloodshed. 825 00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:40,649 So while weapons are currently available... 826 00:47:40,733 --> 00:47:42,568 827 00:47:42,651 --> 00:47:45,571 828 00:47:45,654 --> 00:47:48,157 829 00:47:48,240 --> 00:47:52,036 830 00:47:52,995 --> 00:47:55,790 consider having a few around. 831 00:47:55,873 --> 00:47:58,584 You know, for when the dirt hit the fan. 832 00:47:59,168 --> 00:48:01,170 You don't want people to break in at your house 833 00:48:01,253 --> 00:48:03,589 and you like, "I have a ton of steak knives!" 834 00:48:06,592 --> 00:48:08,844 I told my wife, "I think we should take a gun." 835 00:48:08,928 --> 00:48:10,554 He is like, "Why do we need a gun?" 836 00:48:10,638 --> 00:48:13,974 I like, "I don't know, maybe I want water in ten years." 837 00:48:15,851 --> 00:48:18,395 I want to live for today like everyone else, 838 00:48:18,479 --> 00:48:20,272 but I have to live for tomorrow a little. 839 00:48:20,356 --> 00:48:22,358 Do you know what I mean? Look down the road. 840 00:48:23,109 --> 00:48:25,277 Look at Jalan Fury, you guys. 841 00:48:26,821 --> 00:48:28,823 Does anyone see the documentary? 842 00:48:29,406 --> 00:48:32,576 Has anyone seen it? "I think it's a movie." Do you? 843 00:48:34,495 --> 00:48:37,540 "O.J. hating water, he hates water." 844 00:48:38,999 --> 00:48:41,377 We will come out, and I will like, "O.J. 845 00:48:41,961 --> 00:48:43,838 Need water." 846 00:48:47,383 --> 00:48:50,010 I will say this I don't do shows Because I annoy them. 847 00:48:50,094 --> 00:48:52,304 But I promise, this one is pretty close 848 00:48:53,305 --> 00:48:56,600 This is close enough. When you finally watch the documentary, you, "Oh, my God. Do you know what? 849 00:48:58,060 --> 00:49:01,730 O.J. 850 00:49:04,733 --> 00:49:07,069 I don't like how some people react when glass breaks 851 00:49:07,153 --> 00:49:08,237 Have you seen these people? 852 00:49:11,323 --> 00:49:13,659 What if this is my entire show? "Have you seen these people?" 853 00:49:13,742 --> 00:49:15,452 Glass breaks, like them, "Nobody touches it!" 854 00:49:17,288 --> 00:49:20,541 Shut up. 855 00:49:22,835 --> 00:49:25,963 This isn't anyone's first broken glass rodeo. 856 00:49:27,047 --> 00:49:29,341 857 00:49:29,425 --> 00:49:33,053 858 00:49:34,847 --> 00:49:38,517 No one ran like, "This, let me reap a lot of fractions 859 00:49:38,601 --> 00:49:40,728 with my bare forearm. 860 00:49:40,811 --> 00:49:45,608 Put all the pieces in my mouth until I find a trash can at some point. 861 00:49:45,691 --> 00:49:48,694 No, put it broken glass into my mouth 862 00:49:50,946 --> 00:49:53,115 "Nothing goes with your shoes." 863 00:49:53,199 --> 00:49:54,992 Are you sure 864 00:49:57,161 --> 00:50:01,248 When I hear glass breaking, I immediately throw my swimsuit. 865 00:50:01,832 --> 00:50:03,459 Is that for nothing ? 866 00:50:04,418 --> 00:50:06,921 Where is the glass? Yay! 867 00:50:12,134 --> 00:50:15,930 Get this "save the date" for people's weddings 868 00:50:16,013 --> 00:50:18,333 You know what I'm talking about "Save the date." 869 00:50:18,390 --> 00:50:20,226 When did this start? Why did this start? 870 00:50:20,309 --> 00:50:23,312 Why does someone like, "Do you know what? Before invitation, 871 00:50:23,395 --> 00:50:25,773 let's send our friend & apos; save the date, & apos; 872 00:50:25,856 --> 00:50:28,817 to say, & apos; Psst! Head up. 873 00:50:29,985 --> 00:50:31,820 Invitation on the road. 874 00:50:32,613 --> 00:50:35,032 You are the one chosen. 875 00:50:35,115 --> 00:50:38,035 Right. Identical information on both sheets of paper. 876 00:50:39,536 --> 00:50:40,829 Except those that save dates, 877 00:50:40,913 --> 00:50:44,500 You will get cool ones, photos that are not safe from both of us 878 00:50:44,583 --> 00:50:46,961 That's a magnet. Put it in the refrigerator. 879 00:50:48,295 --> 00:50:50,839 Decorate your home with our faces. & apos; " 880 00:50:53,050 --> 00:50:55,886 You see the photos, You are like," Oh, damn it. 881 00:50:56,512 --> 00:50:58,722 I can't go to this. " 882 00:50:58,806 --> 00:51:02,017 They only see you like, " This is love, right? 883 00:51:03,769 --> 00:51:07,856 We are in a field in the middle of nowhere, standing next to an empty warehouse. 884 00:51:08,440 --> 00:51:10,067 Come to our wedding. 885 00:51:11,068 --> 00:51:13,529 Look at us We scoop back while standing, 886 00:51:13,612 --> 00:51:16,240 laugh about something one of us grew up. 887 00:51:17,950 --> 00:51:19,576 Be at our wedding! 888 00:51:20,619 --> 00:51:22,454 Look, we're on the dock in the middle of the lake. 889 00:51:22,538 --> 00:51:25,040 We don't even live near the lake. How do we get there? 890 00:51:25,124 --> 00:51:26,250 Love! 891 00:51:26,333 --> 00:51:30,421 Love took us that day to get honest photos of it 892 00:51:31,547 --> 00:51:33,387 We don't even know photographers are there 893 00:51:33,465 --> 00:51:35,801 We always stand like that. " 894 00:51:38,512 --> 00:51:40,973 In addition, the photos, That is not the dude idea. 895 00:51:41,056 --> 00:51:43,702 If you get it" save the date, " and it's like your friend, you like, 896 00:51:43,726 --> 00:51:45,769 what is this? 897 00:51:46,478 --> 00:51:48,230 Dude never, "Do you know what? 898 00:51:48,314 --> 00:51:51,817 Let's take one where our forehead touch and our eyes are closed. 899 00:51:51,900 --> 00:51:53,944 You know, like backups. 900 00:51:54,028 --> 00:51:57,573 As a backup, if we don't use existing ones where I bare shirt on a horse 901 00:51:59,158 --> 00:52:00,367 You know. " 902 00:52:01,827 --> 00:52:04,667 If you want to invite me to your wedding, send me a sheet of paper 903 00:52:04,705 --> 00:52:06,373 Loose leaves are perfect. 904 00:52:07,374 --> 00:52:10,544 Scribbling with crayons. Save the money. 905 00:52:11,545 --> 00:52:13,898 Just send me a piece of paper It has a wedding date 906 00:52:13,922 --> 00:52:16,884 and tell me whether you will drink alcohol at reception or not 907 00:52:16,967 --> 00:52:19,678 Because if you don't serve alcohol 908 00:52:19,762 --> 00:52:21,764 at your wedding reception, 909 00:52:21,847 --> 00:52:25,100 show some balls and place it on the invitation. 910 00:52:26,226 --> 00:52:29,897 Find out in a difficult way how many friends and family you... 911 00:52:30,689 --> 00:52:33,150 really give a fuck about your marriage. 912 00:52:49,917 --> 00:52:51,919 You can get to the reception... "Yeah, I want to drink beer." 913 00:52:52,002 --> 00:52:53,837 "Oh, we don't drink alcohol." 914 00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:56,882 "Then what is that? Do I just sit? 915 00:52:58,384 --> 00:53:00,094 Playing bad luck?" 916 00:53:01,637 --> 00:53:03,389 That is marriage. 917 00:53:03,472 --> 00:53:05,766 Marriage is a bad game. 918 00:53:05,849 --> 00:53:08,769 The only people who like to be in it, like all dramas 919 00:53:13,190 --> 00:53:15,401 Everyone is in the audience like, 920 00:53:15,484 --> 00:53:19,071 "Twenty minutes away, we start to mess!" 921 00:53:19,822 --> 00:53:21,532 "Not at our wedding! 922 00:53:21,615 --> 00:53:23,492 We invite Jesus." 923 00:53:28,247 --> 00:53:30,624 I'm at a wedding. It is a non-alcoholic reception. 924 00:53:30,707 --> 00:53:33,210 I like, "I hope they get diarrhea on honeymoon." 925 00:53:33,961 --> 00:53:36,255 That's not a very good thing to say. I like, "really? 926 00:53:36,338 --> 00:53:38,715 I will say I hope they die tonight." 927 00:53:42,594 --> 00:53:47,057 Nothing made me on the dance floor like an old pint of sweet tea! 928 00:53:50,185 --> 00:53:53,939 I like being present at this time, I am fully aware that I am not a good dancer. 929 00:53:54,022 --> 00:53:56,775 Sweet tea reminds me every step. 930 00:54:06,618 --> 00:54:08,620 I have used Fleshlight before. 931 00:54:12,666 --> 00:54:14,376 Guys, don't be like that 932 00:54:15,502 --> 00:54:16,837 Don't be like that. 933 00:54:18,338 --> 00:54:20,674 I was at a show, held a festival in Texas 934 00:54:20,757 --> 00:54:22,926 They give all gifts a gift bag. 935 00:54:23,594 --> 00:54:25,471 In the gift bag there is free Fleshlight. 936 00:54:25,554 --> 00:54:27,314 I don't know If they give us that as a joke. 937 00:54:27,347 --> 00:54:29,391 I don't think of it as one. 938 00:54:31,143 --> 00:54:33,270 I pulled myself aside... 939 00:54:33,979 --> 00:54:37,816 and immediately reprioritized my whole afternoon 940 00:54:39,568 --> 00:54:42,237 I said, "Rory, we missed lunch before. Don't kill us right away. 941 00:54:42,321 --> 00:54:44,573 It won't kill us now." 942 00:54:44,656 --> 00:54:47,284 "Fuck this!" loudly in the hotel lobby. 943 00:54:47,367 --> 00:54:49,453 "I have to get my dick out! 944 00:54:50,746 --> 00:54:52,456 I have to do it!" 945 00:54:53,874 --> 00:54:58,295 Some women in this crowd, you are like, "I think it's dirty he uses Fleshlight." 946 00:54:58,378 --> 00:55:01,924 Some women don't care. Some women Still think I say "flashlight." 947 00:55:03,926 --> 00:55:05,886 Now you know who you are. 948 00:55:05,969 --> 00:55:07,971 So do the people around you. 949 00:55:08,722 --> 00:55:11,183 "Well, then what is that?" "I don't know. 950 00:55:11,266 --> 00:55:13,852 Dude fucking loves 9/11. I don't know 951 00:55:14,603 --> 00:55:15,854 I don't know." 952 00:55:18,440 --> 00:55:22,361 If you are a man here, and you think it's dirty that I have used Fleshlight, 953 00:55:22,444 --> 00:55:24,154 You need to see the facts. 954 00:55:24,238 --> 00:55:27,157 You are in a city that you don't live in, 955 00:55:27,241 --> 00:55:29,952 in your own hotel room 956 00:55:30,369 --> 00:55:34,373 Someone gives you Fleshlight for free. 957 00:55:35,165 --> 00:55:37,417 You can go alone 958 00:55:37,501 --> 00:55:39,711 if you think You will not go alone. 959 00:55:41,797 --> 00:55:44,675 You immediately go to go make love yourself 960 00:55:44,758 --> 00:55:46,510 because you have to know 961 00:55:46,593 --> 00:55:48,929 What is it like? 962 00:55:49,012 --> 00:55:52,349 I know some people are here, "Oh, I don't need sex toys." 963 00:55:52,432 --> 00:55:54,017 Grow. 964 00:55:54,935 --> 00:55:58,355 If you are on the sidewalk right now and someone pulls Ferrari 965 00:55:58,438 --> 00:56:02,192 and like, "Enter," you won't do it be like, "But I already have a car." 966 00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:05,821 No. You will enter. 967 00:56:05,904 --> 00:56:09,575 And you will find a difficult way This is Kia Rio in disguise. 968 00:56:15,163 --> 00:56:17,791 This is how it works. 969 00:56:17,874 --> 00:56:19,876 Whoo, this joke is two parters. 970 00:56:21,128 --> 00:56:25,048 You have to take fake and chewy pussy... 971 00:56:25,799 --> 00:56:28,802 out of the flashlight casing 972 00:56:28,885 --> 00:56:31,221 and put it in warm water 973 00:56:31,305 --> 00:56:33,015 for five minutes 974 00:56:34,641 --> 00:56:38,353 Never in your whole life 975 00:56:38,562 --> 00:56:40,480 Will you feel more ridiculous 976 00:56:42,482 --> 00:56:45,819 Stand in the hotel bathroom... 977 00:56:46,987 --> 00:56:48,655 naked, because you are ready 978 00:56:48,739 --> 00:56:52,034 You are ready. You don't know You don't know what will happen. 979 00:56:52,117 --> 00:56:54,119 Get ready. Bare. Ready. 980 00:56:55,746 --> 00:56:58,040 Standing on the sink 981 00:56:58,123 --> 00:57:02,210 like a child who just dropped one of them Dinosaur sponge pills into the water. 982 00:57:03,420 --> 00:57:06,131 Can't wait for my pussy to be ready! 983 00:57:07,507 --> 00:57:10,719 I like going on the road! Bringing the best of me! 984 00:57:14,514 --> 00:57:16,934 When you do that in the hotel bathroom, 985 00:57:17,017 --> 00:57:18,810 there is one other person there with you, 986 00:57:22,940 --> 00:57:25,192 And he has a question. 987 00:57:25,275 --> 00:57:27,277 Rory, how do we get here? 988 00:57:28,403 --> 00:57:30,489 How do we get to this point? 989 00:57:31,239 --> 00:57:32,616 You are married. 990 00:57:32,699 --> 00:57:36,328 Surely your wife knows someone You can sleep with. 991 00:57:39,581 --> 00:57:41,917 Not many people have laughed at that part 992 00:57:43,418 --> 00:57:45,504 He certainly wants it I will stop saying it. 993 00:57:48,757 --> 00:57:50,759 But now we have this camera. 994 00:57:51,635 --> 00:57:53,178 Can't go back now. 995 00:57:53,679 --> 00:57:55,973 It's out there. 996 00:57:57,224 --> 00:58:00,686 I think what life really is about... 997 00:58:02,396 --> 00:58:06,191 Now actually... And action. Now the special has begun. Action. 998 00:58:09,111 --> 00:58:11,655 I think what life really is about... 999 00:58:12,239 --> 00:58:15,325 is realizing that we are all layered 1000 00:58:15,409 --> 00:58:17,536 that we have put there for several reasons. 1001 00:58:17,619 --> 00:58:19,621 For protection. Whatever the reason. 1002 00:58:19,705 --> 00:58:22,290 The only way you will know who you really are 1003 00:58:22,374 --> 00:58:25,752 and expose your true self to others 1004 00:58:25,836 --> 00:58:27,879 is to get rid of the layer. 1005 00:58:27,963 --> 00:58:30,841 And you see some people Get rid of that layer at a young age. 1006 00:58:30,924 --> 00:58:32,634 You see they have a very happy life. 1007 00:58:32,718 --> 00:58:36,304 Then you see some people your age who haven't deleted one layer 1008 00:58:36,388 --> 00:58:38,557 You are like, "Ooh." 1009 00:58:39,558 --> 00:58:43,186 That's the layer that I deleted that day. 1010 00:58:45,939 --> 00:58:47,566 I found... 1011 00:58:48,150 --> 00:58:50,068 that I'm a man 1012 00:58:50,152 --> 00:58:52,154 who will fuck anything you have 1013 00:58:58,160 --> 00:59:01,163 What have you got there, a stack of inanimate objects? 1014 00:59:09,838 --> 00:59:11,840 Cool if I put my cock in it? 1015 00:59:13,633 --> 00:59:15,969 I'm one of those people. 1016 00:59:17,304 --> 00:59:19,556 I will make fake love, if you have it. 1017 00:59:20,599 --> 00:59:22,279 Don't act like You don't know what it is. 1018 00:59:22,309 --> 00:59:25,228 Nobody can clean up their pop-ups quickly. 1019 00:59:25,729 --> 00:59:28,857 Don't say you have it, But you know what's on the market. 1020 00:59:28,940 --> 00:59:32,444 There are no legs, no torso. It's just a donkey who has sex with you. 1021 00:59:32,527 --> 00:59:35,405 Yes, this performance is very surprising. 1022 00:59:52,297 --> 00:59:56,927 I hope that the point is that person urinate for another hour. 1023 01:00:01,223 --> 01:00:04,392 "Why are you still watching this?" "You missed a lot of other things. 1024 01:00:06,478 --> 01:00:08,105 He hates women." 1025 01:00:17,697 --> 01:00:20,033 I saw one of those fake donkeys for around five... 1026 01:00:20,117 --> 01:00:22,536 Shut up, friend. Not now. 1027 01:00:22,619 --> 01:00:24,955 Not until the end. Don't leave me 1028 01:00:25,038 --> 01:00:28,250 The door lock Are they locked? So all the doors are locked. 1029 01:00:31,586 --> 01:00:33,880 I saw one of those things for five minutes 1030 01:00:33,964 --> 01:00:37,384 I like, "Do you know what? If no one will know, 1031 01:00:37,467 --> 01:00:39,261 Then, yes, I will have sex with him. 1032 01:00:39,344 --> 01:00:41,888 I will be jolted too." Fellas, am I right? 1033 01:00:54,943 --> 01:00:57,154 End of the smallest choreography. 1034 01:01:05,162 --> 01:01:07,080 OK. Only me. Only me. 1035 01:01:07,164 --> 01:01:09,749 I think we will all stand and enter it, but... 1036 01:01:11,209 --> 01:01:13,129 Woman, I don't know If you know this about men... 1037 01:01:14,296 --> 01:01:17,299 but when we are 20 and our brain is, "Jerk off now," 1038 01:01:17,382 --> 01:01:20,385 We are like, "You understand, you understand." 1039 01:01:22,429 --> 01:01:25,432 When we are in our 30s and our brain is, "Jerk off now," 1040 01:01:25,515 --> 01:01:27,642 I promise, we are all like, 1041 01:01:27,726 --> 01:01:30,645 "When does this stop? 1042 01:01:33,106 --> 01:01:35,859 I don't want to do this nonsense anymore. 1043 01:01:35,942 --> 01:01:38,570 It's been 20 years bad. 1044 01:01:39,237 --> 01:01:40,780 I've never liked it for ten years. . 1045 01:01:40,864 --> 01:01:43,658 Stay away from me... 1046 01:01:44,826 --> 01:01:46,494 and stay away from my family. " 1047 01:01:47,787 --> 01:01:49,623 My question is, If you buy one of those fake donkeys... 1048 01:01:53,251 --> 01:01:56,087 where do you even save it? 1049 01:01:56,671 --> 01:01:58,673 "I keep me under the bed." 1050 01:02:00,634 --> 01:02:02,427 Are you crazy 1051 01:02:02,510 --> 01:02:04,346 I prefer my child to find it a gun loaded at home. 1052 01:02:05,931 --> 01:02:09,517 Much less awkward than the day my child came to the kitchen, 1053 01:02:12,562 --> 01:02:15,315 "Dad, what's this?" 1054 01:02:15,398 --> 01:02:17,484 You guys, thank you very much. I really appreciate that. 1055 01:02:21,613 --> 01:02:24,199 1056 01:02:24,282 --> 01:02:27,452 Thank you. Thank you friend. 1057 01:02:27,535 --> 01:02:29,371 Thank you very much. 1058 01:02:54,062 --> 01:02:57,524 Rory! Rory! Rory! 1059 01:02:57,607 --> 01:03:00,610 Rory! Rory! Ror... 1060 01:03:02,862 --> 01:03:05,949 Oh, this is fantas... Guys! This is the best. 1061 01:03:06,032 --> 01:03:08,076 Do you do this at the end of each show? 1062 01:03:08,159 --> 01:03:10,263 - Take him there - You are the best. 1063 01:03:10,287 --> 01:03:12,205 No, don't throw me in the trash! 1064 01:03:12,789 --> 01:03:14,582 - It's sucked. - Hey! 1065 01:03:14,666 --> 01:03:16,751 - He is better than Todd Glass. - Who? 1066 01:06:10,091 --> 01:06:11,217 Submitted by: www.subtitlecinema.com