1
00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:25,103
2
00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:36,670
Bullshit!
3
00:00:36,672 --> 00:00:38,071
No.
4
00:00:38,073 --> 00:00:40,108
Since when?
5
00:00:40,110 --> 00:00:42,679
Since 15 years ago.
6
00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:45,514
Bullshit.
7
00:00:45,516 --> 00:00:46,681
No, it's not.
8
00:00:46,683 --> 00:00:48,084
Where's your ring?
9
00:00:51,955 --> 00:00:54,087
Ha! I know a Cracker Jack prize
10
00:00:54,089 --> 00:00:56,090
when I see one. Where is he, then?
11
00:00:56,092 --> 00:00:57,827
He is in LA with a client right now.
12
00:00:57,829 --> 00:01:02,032
Okay, well, where's your
wedding-type snapshots
13
00:01:02,034 --> 00:01:05,467
and, you know, pretty photos
of you and this husband?
14
00:01:05,469 --> 00:01:07,770
We host a lot of parties here,
15
00:01:07,772 --> 00:01:10,106
and Grady thinks that personal
artifacts are tacky, so that's why...
16
00:01:10,108 --> 00:01:11,473
- G... Grady?
- Yes.
17
00:01:11,475 --> 00:01:13,175
His name is Grady? Come on.
18
00:01:13,177 --> 00:01:15,377
Yes... Yes, Stensland, his name is Grady.
19
00:01:18,148 --> 00:01:20,381
Bullshit! Ha! Nice try.
20
00:01:20,383 --> 00:01:23,051
Jesus, I can't believe you, Morgan.
21
00:01:23,053 --> 00:01:24,820
Where... Where are you going?
22
00:01:24,822 --> 00:01:27,156
To expose the lack of man
clothing in your closet
23
00:01:27,158 --> 00:01:28,592
and prove that you're bullshitting.
24
00:01:30,128 --> 00:01:31,628
What the fuck!
25
00:01:32,164 --> 00:01:34,166
I'm married!
26
00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:38,602
Tell me you don't have
kids. Were they watching us?
27
00:01:38,604 --> 00:01:40,903
No. I don't... Why would
I have my kids watching...
28
00:01:40,905 --> 00:01:42,572
I don't have any kids.
29
00:01:42,574 --> 00:01:44,039
You don't have kids because
he's a violent drunk.
30
00:01:44,041 --> 00:01:45,742
- No, we just...
- He'd beat them.
31
00:01:45,744 --> 00:01:47,343
Each other is all we've
ever really wanted or needed,
32
00:01:47,345 --> 00:01:49,612
so we don't have kids.
33
00:01:49,614 --> 00:01:54,052
"Was." So, you'll be separated soon, right?
34
00:01:54,054 --> 00:01:55,487
No.
35
00:01:56,989 --> 00:01:59,790
Then what the fuck is this?
36
00:01:59,792 --> 00:02:03,227
You held my hand in the cab yesterday!
37
00:02:03,229 --> 00:02:05,963
That isn't the action of a
woman just looking for great sex
38
00:02:05,965 --> 00:02:10,569
behind her hubby's back, that's a
woman looking for Doctor Zhivago!
39
00:02:10,571 --> 00:02:12,138
This...
40
00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:17,175
He cheated on me, okay?
41
00:02:17,177 --> 00:02:19,177
He cheated on you?
42
00:02:19,179 --> 00:02:23,116
And I held your hand yesterday
because I like you, Stensland.
43
00:02:23,118 --> 00:02:27,353
- Aw.
- You know, I'm still... I'm still crushable.
44
00:02:29,121 --> 00:02:30,689
"Crushable"?
45
00:02:30,691 --> 00:02:33,359
You can't even say the
word "love," can you?
46
00:02:35,095 --> 00:02:37,429
You know, you can... You
can free the penis now.
47
00:02:37,431 --> 00:02:39,430
I mean, I've seen you
naked for the past two days.
48
00:02:39,432 --> 00:02:42,868
You've been seeing me naked
under sheets and in limited light.
49
00:02:42,870 --> 00:02:45,272
I've got very wide hips that make my unit
50
00:02:45,274 --> 00:02:47,239
look a lot smaller than it actually is.
51
00:02:47,241 --> 00:02:48,942
So it's like an optical illusion?
52
00:02:48,944 --> 00:02:51,678
Yes! I've got bitch hips. Leave it be.
53
00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:54,713
Okay, listen. This was so much fun.
54
00:02:54,715 --> 00:02:56,582
And so, thank you.
55
00:02:56,584 --> 00:03:02,223
But this is the last time that we
will be seeing each other, okay?
56
00:03:03,492 --> 00:03:06,528
Good. I was testing you.
57
00:03:07,295 --> 00:03:09,095
Oh, phew!
58
00:03:09,097 --> 00:03:11,031
What a load off my mind.
59
00:03:11,033 --> 00:03:13,834
Oh, you know, my biggest fear,
60
00:03:13,836 --> 00:03:16,036
since we started hookin' up, baby,
61
00:03:16,038 --> 00:03:19,239
was that you would think this
was something more than fucking,
62
00:03:19,241 --> 00:03:21,441
like, God forbid, love.
63
00:03:21,443 --> 00:03:23,345
- Love, love, love.
- Listen, I...
64
00:03:23,347 --> 00:03:26,715
I didn't want to hurt
you. I'm really sorry.
65
00:03:26,717 --> 00:03:28,283
You're sorry?
66
00:03:30,753 --> 00:03:32,787
As for these...
67
00:03:32,789 --> 00:03:36,525
Something tells me they're
due for a dry cleaning.
68
00:03:36,527 --> 00:03:38,160
Oh... What are you doing?
69
00:03:38,162 --> 00:03:39,894
What is wrong with you?
70
00:03:39,896 --> 00:03:41,362
Good day, madam.
71
00:03:41,364 --> 00:03:43,898
Oh. Oh, that was real mature.
72
00:04:10,661 --> 00:04:11,763
What?
73
00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:16,400
"Crushable"?
74
00:04:18,338 --> 00:04:20,269
How dare she?
75
00:04:20,271 --> 00:04:21,704
All right, the usual.
76
00:04:21,706 --> 00:04:24,141
One pink scone, one strawberry milk.
77
00:04:24,143 --> 00:04:25,540
So $4.53.
78
00:04:27,078 --> 00:04:28,679
You, uh... You doing all right, Stensland?
79
00:04:31,348 --> 00:04:34,351
Could someone let me borrow 53 cents?
80
00:04:55,507 --> 00:04:57,075
Sweet Christ, not now.
81
00:04:57,077 --> 00:04:59,646
Woman, I don't know what you're saying!
82
00:04:59,648 --> 00:05:01,513
No, not a single decipherable word!
83
00:05:01,515 --> 00:05:04,251
It's the same puzzling dance every day!
84
00:05:05,220 --> 00:05:06,652
Shut up!
85
00:05:13,926 --> 00:05:17,162
You're not the smartest,
you're not the coolest,
86
00:05:17,164 --> 00:05:18,564
you're not the best-looking,
87
00:05:18,566 --> 00:05:21,466
but God damn it, you are something.
88
00:05:21,468 --> 00:05:24,103
You've got something that attracts people.
89
00:05:24,105 --> 00:05:27,741
You've got something
that attracts the ladies.
90
00:05:27,743 --> 00:05:30,209
They don't know what it is,
you don't know what it is,
91
00:05:30,211 --> 00:05:35,916
but it's there, cocooned,
growing and learning.
92
00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:39,687
And one day, you'll bloom
into a big, beautiful condor
93
00:05:39,689 --> 00:05:43,322
that people will respect and fear.
94
00:05:43,324 --> 00:05:47,962
"I can't believe that used
to be Stensland," they'll say.
95
00:05:47,964 --> 00:05:51,465
"I can't believe that
used to be Stensland."
96
00:06:14,523 --> 00:06:16,391
Hello, old friend.
97
00:06:23,701 --> 00:06:25,300
Go ahead.
98
00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:27,103
Oh, great episode.
99
00:06:27,105 --> 00:06:29,905
Stensland? Oh, you are here.
100
00:06:31,309 --> 00:06:32,507
Hey.
101
00:06:32,509 --> 00:06:33,673
Hey.
102
00:06:33,675 --> 00:06:35,712
Nah, I'm... I'm good.
103
00:06:35,714 --> 00:06:37,780
I thought you said you were going
to stop smoking during the day?
104
00:06:37,782 --> 00:06:40,048
Oh, look, my dead mom's back. Great.
105
00:06:40,050 --> 00:06:42,650
My God, what's the matter with you?
106
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:45,222
Morgan dumped me, okay?
107
00:06:45,224 --> 00:06:47,522
She's married.
108
00:06:47,524 --> 00:06:49,659
Is that the older lady you
met at the furniture store?
109
00:06:49,661 --> 00:06:52,527
Don't make her sound like
Jessica Tandy. She's in her July.
110
00:06:52,529 --> 00:06:55,664
Whatever, man. At least
you got sex without strings.
111
00:06:55,666 --> 00:06:57,633
I want strings.
112
00:06:57,635 --> 00:07:00,504
I want commitment and mutual adoration.
113
00:07:00,506 --> 00:07:03,105
I want to pass the bong
to someone with boobs.
114
00:07:03,107 --> 00:07:05,675
I want the danger of
forgetting anniversaries
115
00:07:05,677 --> 00:07:07,278
and the pain of holding in farts
116
00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:08,811
because someone is sharing my bed.
117
00:07:08,813 --> 00:07:12,014
- I want a girlfriend, Lyle.
- I know, I know.
118
00:07:12,016 --> 00:07:13,785
I'm sorry to change the subject,
119
00:07:13,787 --> 00:07:16,353
but you noticed the cardboard boxes, right?
120
00:07:16,355 --> 00:07:17,821
Did you drink and eBay?
121
00:07:17,823 --> 00:07:20,458
No, I started moving over to Linda's.
122
00:07:20,460 --> 00:07:22,225
Already?
123
00:07:22,227 --> 00:07:24,361
You need to find another roommate, man.
124
00:07:24,363 --> 00:07:25,596
Is this mine?
125
00:07:25,598 --> 00:07:27,597
I like you.
126
00:07:27,599 --> 00:07:31,503
I like you, too, buddy, just
not as much as Linda. I love her.
127
00:07:31,505 --> 00:07:32,904
All right, well, I'm out of here
128
00:07:32,906 --> 00:07:34,906
a week from tomorrow, next Monday.
129
00:07:34,908 --> 00:07:38,241
So find another roommate, Stens.
130
00:07:38,243 --> 00:07:39,743
God damn it.
131
00:07:43,149 --> 00:07:45,583
...life imitating
art imitating life?
132
00:07:47,254 --> 00:07:51,624
...and maybe, you know,
it's not part of the plan.
133
00:07:51,626 --> 00:07:53,258
Then again, I never thought that
134
00:07:53,260 --> 00:07:56,061
losing you was part
of the plan, either.
135
00:07:56,063 --> 00:07:58,131
Oh...
136
00:07:58,133 --> 00:08:01,467
I think sometimes you have
to lose somebody completely
137
00:08:01,469 --> 00:08:04,203
before you can figure out
what they really mean to you.
138
00:08:05,573 --> 00:08:09,441
Oh, D-dog, laying down the truth.
139
00:08:09,443 --> 00:08:10,975
Hi, it's me...
140
00:08:10,977 --> 00:08:12,678
Oh, Jesus!
141
00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:14,180
Morgan, would you please call me back?
142
00:08:14,182 --> 00:08:16,884
I worry I'm beginning to look desperate.
143
00:08:16,886 --> 00:08:19,219
Phew! It smells bad in here.
144
00:08:19,221 --> 00:08:20,387
What are you doing?
145
00:08:20,389 --> 00:08:21,755
Oh...
146
00:08:21,757 --> 00:08:23,658
I'm, uh, relaxing.
147
00:08:24,393 --> 00:08:25,791
What about work?
148
00:08:25,793 --> 00:08:27,027
Oh, I'm on leave.
149
00:08:28,129 --> 00:08:29,695
You're not in the Navy.
150
00:08:29,697 --> 00:08:31,264
You work six-hour shifts
at an antique shop.
151
00:08:31,266 --> 00:08:33,098
- Why do you need a leave?
- My breakup!
152
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:35,570
For Christ's sake, man.
Was the sex that good?
153
00:08:35,572 --> 00:08:38,139
Good? It was transcendent, Lyle.
154
00:08:38,141 --> 00:08:41,442
My spiritual self is
still making an O-face.
155
00:08:41,444 --> 00:08:42,976
But I'm not mourning the sex.
156
00:08:42,978 --> 00:08:44,979
I'm mourning what we might have been.
157
00:08:44,981 --> 00:08:48,083
That tiny taste of affection
has made it very evident to me
158
00:08:48,085 --> 00:08:50,316
that something's missing from my life.
159
00:08:50,318 --> 00:08:53,622
Okay. I'm just surprised the
store gave you this much time off.
160
00:08:53,624 --> 00:08:55,757
Well...
161
00:08:55,759 --> 00:08:59,594
This is more like one of those
self-allotted time-out leaves, you know?
162
00:08:59,596 --> 00:09:01,331
What? Go to work!
163
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,431
Stensland! I'm going to be
totally moved out tomorrow.
164
00:09:03,433 --> 00:09:04,734
You said I had till Monday.
165
00:09:04,736 --> 00:09:06,500
Tomorrow is Monday, man.
166
00:09:06,502 --> 00:09:09,171
- Tomorrow's Monday?
- Tomorrow's Monday. Come on.
167
00:09:10,540 --> 00:09:13,810
Shit. This chiba is unforgiving.
168
00:09:52,951 --> 00:09:55,019
Ah, Mr. Laframboise.
169
00:09:55,021 --> 00:09:57,756
I was just mulling a
froYo break. You want one?
170
00:09:58,758 --> 00:10:00,424
This is the last check.
171
00:10:00,426 --> 00:10:03,862
You don't showing up one
week, no call, no nothing!
172
00:10:03,864 --> 00:10:07,463
Wait a minute, are we doing a
scene from The Pawnbroker?
173
00:10:07,465 --> 00:10:10,766
Mr. Laframboise, are you back
in acting class? That's great.
174
00:10:10,768 --> 00:10:13,103
- Get out!
- Oh, okay, all right.
175
00:10:13,105 --> 00:10:15,573
You're a passionate bear,
you're upset, I get it.
176
00:10:15,575 --> 00:10:18,343
I need to work on my
communication skills, that's clear.
177
00:10:18,345 --> 00:10:20,878
But I'm pretty sure I was
already due a vacation week,
178
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:23,247
so can we just sit back, relax,
179
00:10:23,249 --> 00:10:24,816
I'll put on some jasmine tea, chill out...
180
00:10:24,818 --> 00:10:26,282
- Sir?
- What?
181
00:10:26,284 --> 00:10:28,619
I think this varnish may have turned,
182
00:10:28,621 --> 00:10:32,424
and I would hate to compromise the
honesty of that Victorian end table.
183
00:10:32,426 --> 00:10:34,060
Sorry, am I interrupting?
184
00:10:35,696 --> 00:10:37,096
Who the fuck is this?
185
00:10:37,098 --> 00:10:38,696
New Stensland.
186
00:10:38,698 --> 00:10:41,767
There's no other Stensland.
How could you say that?
187
00:10:41,769 --> 00:10:43,635
Um, my name is Pierce.
188
00:10:43,637 --> 00:10:46,806
Mr. Laframboise, your
assumption that my absence
189
00:10:46,808 --> 00:10:49,142
is barren of a logical
explanation offends me.
190
00:10:49,144 --> 00:10:51,744
- We're closer than this.
- No, we're not.
191
00:10:51,746 --> 00:10:53,779
Okay, look, here's what happened.
192
00:10:53,781 --> 00:10:57,115
I was sideswiped by a nasty
cyclone known as "woman."
193
00:10:57,117 --> 00:11:01,020
Lost aimlessly in her deceit,
and it stung like a biatch.
194
00:11:01,022 --> 00:11:04,926
So, please, just give me another chance.
195
00:11:05,694 --> 00:11:07,295
Fuck you!
196
00:11:19,540 --> 00:11:20,940
Morgan!
197
00:11:26,684 --> 00:11:28,215
Morgan!
198
00:11:28,217 --> 00:11:30,050
Hey! Hey, asshole! Come back here!
199
00:11:30,052 --> 00:11:32,052
- Morgan!
- You can't go in there.
200
00:11:32,054 --> 00:11:33,355
Morgan!
201
00:11:34,924 --> 00:11:36,255
Stensland.
202
00:11:36,257 --> 00:11:38,792
She remembers my name. Shocker.
203
00:11:38,794 --> 00:11:40,427
I'm calling security.
204
00:11:40,429 --> 00:11:42,029
No, no. No, it's okay.
No, it's okay. We're okay.
205
00:11:42,031 --> 00:11:43,465
You know this guy?
206
00:11:43,467 --> 00:11:45,699
Yeah, no, no. I'll handle it. It's okay.
207
00:11:45,701 --> 00:11:47,737
Moneypenny, could you order us
up some sandwiches and lemonade?
208
00:11:47,739 --> 00:11:49,137
This'll take a while.
209
00:11:49,139 --> 00:11:51,040
- No, it won't.
- Yes, it will.
210
00:11:51,042 --> 00:11:52,508
Thank you, Hannah.
Thanks, honey. I got this.
211
00:11:52,510 --> 00:11:55,142
Yeah, no, no, this is, um... Stensland.
212
00:11:55,144 --> 00:11:58,713
It's not a thing at all. It's just a, um...
213
00:11:58,715 --> 00:12:00,884
- Okay.
- Thanks, honey.
214
00:12:03,254 --> 00:12:04,953
- What do you want?
- "What do you want?"
215
00:12:04,955 --> 00:12:06,688
We made love a week ago.
216
00:12:06,690 --> 00:12:09,324
I'm no dildo you wipe off
and put back in the drawer.
217
00:12:09,326 --> 00:12:11,026
Why haven't you called me back?
218
00:12:11,028 --> 00:12:13,430
Because that was it.
219
00:12:13,432 --> 00:12:15,230
It was a one-time thing.
220
00:12:15,232 --> 00:12:17,233
I don't care if you're married, Morgan.
221
00:12:17,235 --> 00:12:19,570
- I still love you. You love me, it's just...
- What?
222
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,405
What does that even mean?
223
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:24,275
It means let's keep on keepin' on.
224
00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:26,742
Let's ride this naughty little secret.
225
00:12:26,744 --> 00:12:28,176
No.
226
00:12:28,178 --> 00:12:30,747
Why? Isn't he cheating on you, too?
227
00:12:31,682 --> 00:12:32,815
I don't know.
228
00:12:32,817 --> 00:12:33,882
Oh...
229
00:12:33,884 --> 00:12:35,721
Now you don't know!
230
00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:43,960
Is that him?
231
00:12:44,563 --> 00:12:46,565
Yes.
232
00:12:46,567 --> 00:12:48,431
He has a moustache?
233
00:12:48,433 --> 00:12:49,501
Yes.
234
00:12:53,372 --> 00:12:56,306
I want $15,000, or I'm gonna tell him.
235
00:12:56,308 --> 00:12:57,309
Mmm?
236
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:01,780
I'm sorry.
237
00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:04,282
I'm sorry, you're... You're
gonna have to repeat that.
238
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,216
What?
239
00:13:06,218 --> 00:13:09,587
I demand you pay me $15,000,
240
00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:13,191
or I'm gonna find Grady
and tell him everything.
241
00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:19,431
What the hell are you doing, Stens?
242
00:13:19,433 --> 00:13:22,601
"Stens," she says! Using the
abridged pet name to disarm me.
243
00:13:22,603 --> 00:13:24,437
- You're scared.
- Really?
244
00:13:24,439 --> 00:13:26,438
Grady's a criminal defense lawyer.
245
00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:28,808
I doubt he will believe
that I slept with you.
246
00:13:28,810 --> 00:13:30,043
Okay?
247
00:13:30,045 --> 00:13:31,778
Oh, he'll believe me, all right.
248
00:13:31,780 --> 00:13:35,048
Why? Did you record us or something?
249
00:13:35,050 --> 00:13:37,884
No, but I have evidence of passion.
250
00:13:37,886 --> 00:13:39,651
Remember this?
251
00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:43,054
"Kiss me between my
shoulder blades, Stensland."
252
00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:45,055
And remember this?
253
00:13:45,057 --> 00:13:48,494
"Rub my ass like this when you're
going down on me, Stensland."
254
00:13:48,496 --> 00:13:49,963
And what about this?
255
00:13:49,965 --> 00:13:51,631
Will this be evidence enough
256
00:13:51,633 --> 00:13:54,434
when I explain to Grady
in graphic, carnal detail
257
00:13:54,436 --> 00:13:58,104
that shaky little twitch
dance you do when you come?
258
00:13:58,106 --> 00:14:00,040
How does the chirp go?
259
00:14:07,951 --> 00:14:10,250
You don't get it, do you?
260
00:14:10,252 --> 00:14:11,185
What?
261
00:14:11,187 --> 00:14:13,056
I already told him.
262
00:14:13,890 --> 00:14:14,988
Bullshit.
263
00:14:14,990 --> 00:14:16,956
No, I did.
264
00:14:16,958 --> 00:14:19,894
You see, I was...
265
00:14:19,896 --> 00:14:22,363
I was looking for someone
to have an affair with,
266
00:14:22,365 --> 00:14:24,565
so I could throw it in his face
267
00:14:24,567 --> 00:14:28,201
to show him that I'm not
just gonna sit here and smile
268
00:14:28,203 --> 00:14:29,772
while he tunes out our marriage
269
00:14:29,774 --> 00:14:32,074
and does God knows what
he's doing out there.
270
00:14:32,076 --> 00:14:34,542
Mm-hmm, and, uh, what did he say?
271
00:14:34,544 --> 00:14:37,781
He said a lot of stuff
that's none of your business.
272
00:14:37,783 --> 00:14:39,615
But we're gonna work it out.
273
00:14:39,617 --> 00:14:43,252
- You're going to work it out?
- Yeah.
274
00:14:43,254 --> 00:14:46,687
Kid, I hate to crush your spirit here,
275
00:14:46,689 --> 00:14:49,058
but you're forcing me to.
276
00:14:50,427 --> 00:14:52,259
You're my pawn.
277
00:14:52,261 --> 00:14:56,097
You're like my little revenge marionette.
278
00:15:00,372 --> 00:15:03,074
You haven't told him
diddly squat, have you?
279
00:15:05,276 --> 00:15:07,009
Stensland holds all the cards.
280
00:15:07,011 --> 00:15:08,878
15 grand, sweetheart,
281
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,813
or me and Grady are going
to sit down and talk turkey.
282
00:15:11,815 --> 00:15:13,282
Good day, madam.
283
00:15:14,152 --> 00:15:15,319
Oh, look!
284
00:15:16,887 --> 00:15:21,258
Uh-oh. The little pitcher has
big ears. Yenta, yenta.
285
00:15:22,294 --> 00:15:24,229
Who the fuck is that?
286
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:31,834
- Hey.
- Are you all right?
287
00:15:31,836 --> 00:15:33,837
Yeah, no, I'm good. Um...
288
00:15:33,839 --> 00:15:36,807
How much of that did you hear?
289
00:15:36,809 --> 00:15:38,007
None of it.
290
00:15:38,009 --> 00:15:39,343
Oh, okay.
291
00:15:39,945 --> 00:15:41,044
A little.
292
00:15:42,181 --> 00:15:44,748
Okay, I heard everything.
293
00:15:44,750 --> 00:15:46,684
You slept with that guy?
294
00:15:46,686 --> 00:15:48,786
Oh, Hannah, I was in the
store, and I was depressed,
295
00:15:48,788 --> 00:15:52,290
and I was thinking about,
like, "Who the hell is Grady?"
296
00:15:52,292 --> 00:15:54,758
and, "Why the hell am I in the store?"
297
00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:56,828
And then this kid comes up
298
00:15:56,830 --> 00:16:00,999
and starts flirting with me like
I'm Princess Grace or something.
299
00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:02,935
Now I have a stalker.
300
00:16:02,937 --> 00:16:06,104
It's like, of course I sleep
with the one guy on the planet
301
00:16:06,106 --> 00:16:10,376
who's pissed off that his one-night
stand isn't just a one-night stand.
302
00:16:10,378 --> 00:16:12,912
Don't sweat it, okay?
303
00:16:12,914 --> 00:16:15,181
You already told Grady, so...
304
00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:18,517
- No.
- You haven't told Grady?
305
00:16:20,154 --> 00:16:21,989
Yeah, you're screwed.
306
00:16:29,164 --> 00:16:32,197
Balls of wonder, balls of might...
307
00:16:36,206 --> 00:16:38,172
Law offices of Dott and Rosen.
308
00:16:38,174 --> 00:16:40,407
Grady Dott, please.
309
00:16:40,409 --> 00:16:42,609
I'm sorry, he's out of the office.
Would you like his voicemail?
310
00:16:42,611 --> 00:16:44,345
No, no, no, patch me
through to his personal cell.
311
00:16:44,347 --> 00:16:45,812
This is an emergency.
312
00:16:45,814 --> 00:16:47,514
- Your name?
- Stensland.
313
00:16:47,516 --> 00:16:49,951
- Please hold.
- Mmm-hmm.
314
00:16:49,953 --> 00:16:52,653
Mr. Stensland, what's
this concerning?
315
00:16:52,655 --> 00:16:56,123
Uh, I fucked his wife many times?
316
00:16:56,125 --> 00:16:58,160
- Please hold.
- Uh-huh.
317
00:16:59,295 --> 00:17:01,929
Yeah, no baloney. Come on.
318
00:17:01,931 --> 00:17:03,597
This is Grady Dott.
319
00:17:03,599 --> 00:17:06,535
Mr. Dott, my name is Stensland.
320
00:17:06,537 --> 00:17:09,304
I'm a 29-year-old, unemployed
diamond in the rough
321
00:17:09,306 --> 00:17:11,305
with no foreseeable
opportunities for financial
322
00:17:11,307 --> 00:17:13,441
or personal success until my death.
323
00:17:13,443 --> 00:17:17,144
It's my sad duty to inform you that
I met your wife, Morgan, last week
324
00:17:17,146 --> 00:17:19,114
in Soft Solutions Fine Furnishings,
325
00:17:19,116 --> 00:17:21,782
whereupon she took me back to
your home and made love to me.
326
00:17:21,784 --> 00:17:23,886
At no point over the
weekend did she inform me
327
00:17:23,888 --> 00:17:25,520
that she was maritally
or otherwise spoken for...
328
00:17:25,522 --> 00:17:27,856
- Stensland?
- Yeah?
329
00:17:27,858 --> 00:17:29,759
She told me.
330
00:17:29,761 --> 00:17:31,595
Oh.
331
00:17:31,597 --> 00:17:35,130
Now I'm going to find you,
and I'm going to kill you.
332
00:17:54,819 --> 00:17:57,088
You need to find yourself
a girl your own age.
333
00:17:57,090 --> 00:18:00,156
One who hasn't already been
fucked up by some other asshole,
334
00:18:00,158 --> 00:18:04,359
so you can fuck her up your own
damn self, your own damn way.
335
00:18:04,361 --> 00:18:07,298
Ella, Internet dating has turned you cold.
336
00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:10,031
She's right. This Morgan's a mess.
337
00:18:10,033 --> 00:18:11,770
Stay sane, stay away.
338
00:18:11,772 --> 00:18:14,038
- Spend that love on a woman who wants it.
- Amen.
339
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:15,473
That's right.
340
00:18:17,110 --> 00:18:18,975
Hit me with it straight, Denise.
341
00:18:18,977 --> 00:18:21,846
Coast is clear. No one's
outside your apartment, doll.
342
00:18:21,848 --> 00:18:24,580
Typical. That chump
ain't gonna fight for her.
343
00:18:24,582 --> 00:18:26,984
Ladies, let's get shit-faced.
344
00:18:53,014 --> 00:18:55,247
You've fucked your last wife, Stensland.
345
00:18:55,748 --> 00:18:57,382
Stensland?
346
00:18:57,384 --> 00:18:58,751
No, no, no. Sir, my name isn't Stensland.
347
00:18:58,753 --> 00:19:00,788
My name is Grady.
348
00:19:01,823 --> 00:19:02,957
Wrong.
349
00:19:02,959 --> 00:19:04,524
Oh, God!
350
00:19:04,526 --> 00:19:06,792
Don't! God...
351
00:19:13,102 --> 00:19:15,101
Oh, God...
352
00:19:15,103 --> 00:19:17,703
Hey, guy, the gun was
just to fuck with you.
353
00:19:17,705 --> 00:19:19,839
So you're not gonna kill me?
354
00:19:19,841 --> 00:19:22,341
No. My receptionist was listening
in when I threatened you,
355
00:19:22,343 --> 00:19:24,210
which means I'd have to kill her as well.
356
00:19:24,212 --> 00:19:26,947
And there's no way I'm
breaking in a new receptionist.
357
00:19:26,949 --> 00:19:28,914
No, sir.
358
00:19:28,916 --> 00:19:31,818
I am, however, going to kick
the ever-loving shit out of you.
359
00:19:33,288 --> 00:19:35,089
No, please...
360
00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:38,991
Please don't kick the
ever-loving shit out of me.
361
00:19:38,993 --> 00:19:40,294
What are you doing?
362
00:19:40,296 --> 00:19:42,028
I just... I bruise so easily.
363
00:19:42,030 --> 00:19:43,663
Come on.
364
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,536
Huh...
365
00:19:47,538 --> 00:19:49,471
- Just don't...
- You've urinated in your shorts.
366
00:19:49,473 --> 00:19:52,741
Yes! You pointed a gun at my
face, and I already had to go.
367
00:19:52,743 --> 00:19:54,808
Jesus, Morgan!
368
00:19:54,810 --> 00:19:57,212
This is bullshit.
369
00:19:57,214 --> 00:19:58,514
She really knows how to pick 'em.
370
00:19:58,516 --> 00:20:00,114
She picked you to cheat with?
371
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:02,584
Yes. Are you still
kicking the shit out of me?
372
00:20:02,586 --> 00:20:05,488
Yes, so just sit there and shut up.
373
00:20:09,326 --> 00:20:11,562
Jesus Christ, your apartment looks like
374
00:20:11,564 --> 00:20:13,797
the cargo hold of a pirate ship.
375
00:20:13,799 --> 00:20:14,931
Thank you.
376
00:20:14,933 --> 00:20:16,431
It's not a compliment, dumbass.
377
00:20:16,433 --> 00:20:18,468
This is literally a shit hole.
378
00:20:18,470 --> 00:20:20,036
It stinks.
379
00:20:20,038 --> 00:20:21,937
What is that, beef chow
mein from last week?
380
00:20:21,939 --> 00:20:24,440
And your bong water spilled everywhere?
381
00:20:24,442 --> 00:20:26,910
And now it smells like your cowardly urine.
382
00:20:26,912 --> 00:20:28,411
It smells like man.
383
00:20:28,413 --> 00:20:31,280
Don't call yourself that in front of me.
384
00:20:34,787 --> 00:20:36,318
Huh.
385
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,587
I'll be damned.
386
00:20:38,589 --> 00:20:40,723
I didn't realize they still made those.
387
00:20:40,725 --> 00:20:43,459
"Shanty. Irish Mulligan Stew."
388
00:20:43,461 --> 00:20:45,128
Hey, don't rag it.
389
00:20:45,130 --> 00:20:47,865
That is a hearty bouillon
at an affordable price.
390
00:20:47,867 --> 00:20:49,700
I know what it is.
391
00:20:49,702 --> 00:20:52,201
It's all I ate when I was
poor and pathetic like you.
392
00:20:52,203 --> 00:20:54,905
Well, the tradition continues.
393
00:20:59,512 --> 00:21:00,945
What happened in your shorts?
394
00:21:01,581 --> 00:21:03,781
It's a twosie.
395
00:21:05,953 --> 00:21:07,686
Mmm, mmm.
396
00:21:08,954 --> 00:21:10,588
Mmm, that was good.
397
00:21:11,725 --> 00:21:13,458
Okay, so level with me.
398
00:21:13,460 --> 00:21:16,292
Did Morgan pay you to tell me you had sex?
399
00:21:16,294 --> 00:21:20,199
No. And I didn't know
she was married either.
400
00:21:20,201 --> 00:21:21,532
Yeah.
401
00:21:21,534 --> 00:21:25,203
Hey, why did you cheat on her?
402
00:21:25,205 --> 00:21:29,207
I didn't cheat on her. God...
403
00:21:29,209 --> 00:21:32,377
She picked up a scent of
perfume on one of my shirts,
404
00:21:32,379 --> 00:21:34,313
so that got her to thinking,
405
00:21:34,315 --> 00:21:36,581
and you know what happens when
vexed women start thinking.
406
00:21:36,583 --> 00:21:39,350
Civilizations fall, son.
407
00:21:39,352 --> 00:21:40,985
You can bank on that.
408
00:21:40,987 --> 00:21:43,254
So after a couple of
business trips ran long,
409
00:21:43,256 --> 00:21:47,394
the logical conclusion to her
irrational female intellect
410
00:21:47,396 --> 00:21:50,263
was that I was in fact cheating.
411
00:21:50,265 --> 00:21:51,732
Typical women.
412
00:21:51,734 --> 00:21:54,935
A brother can't even be late and tired.
413
00:21:56,505 --> 00:21:57,838
That's for sure.
414
00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:59,739
Oh, we give them our hearts,
415
00:21:59,741 --> 00:22:02,643
our penises, and still
they do not trust us.
416
00:22:06,081 --> 00:22:07,614
That was a good one.
417
00:22:07,616 --> 00:22:09,716
The old shower vomit.
418
00:22:09,718 --> 00:22:11,752
Yeah, I miss those days.
419
00:22:13,690 --> 00:22:15,555
Yeah, I mean, after 15 years of marriage,
420
00:22:15,557 --> 00:22:17,357
it's not so hot anymore.
421
00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:19,559
Do I get the urge to mess
around with other women?
422
00:22:19,561 --> 00:22:21,396
Of course I do.
423
00:22:21,398 --> 00:22:23,263
You can't control what goes
through this mastermind.
424
00:22:23,265 --> 00:22:25,432
No.
425
00:22:25,434 --> 00:22:28,270
That'd go against the very nature of
man, the very essence of evolution.
426
00:22:28,272 --> 00:22:31,272
When I get the desire to bang some strange,
427
00:22:31,274 --> 00:22:34,375
I just go find a quiet place, rub one out.
428
00:22:34,377 --> 00:22:36,712
Hence, desire quenched.
429
00:22:36,714 --> 00:22:38,848
Hey, you don't have to
tell me about quenches.
430
00:22:38,850 --> 00:22:41,852
I desire my quench all the fuckin' time.
431
00:22:42,686 --> 00:22:44,319
But you don't hate me?
432
00:22:44,321 --> 00:22:46,620
No, I don't hate you.
433
00:22:46,622 --> 00:22:48,524
Morgan's a beautiful woman.
434
00:22:49,558 --> 00:22:51,593
What are you gonna do?
435
00:22:51,595 --> 00:22:53,763
Ah, don't worry about me.
436
00:22:53,765 --> 00:22:55,599
Just get some rest.
437
00:23:40,278 --> 00:23:41,845
What the...
438
00:23:49,155 --> 00:23:53,624
Ah, there's the ol' lush, sleeping in.
439
00:23:55,663 --> 00:23:58,096
Oh, I hope you don't mind, I took
a couple of hits off the bong.
440
00:23:58,098 --> 00:24:01,765
I hadn't gotten high since The
Stones' "Bridges To Babylon" Tour.
441
00:24:01,767 --> 00:24:03,968
- Yeah.
- How do you like your eggs?
442
00:24:03,970 --> 00:24:05,102
Um...
443
00:24:05,104 --> 00:24:06,303
Scrambled?
444
00:24:06,305 --> 00:24:07,939
Scrambled it is.
445
00:24:07,941 --> 00:24:09,873
Four out of five American
men prefer scrambled.
446
00:24:09,875 --> 00:24:13,546
Over there in Europe,
they're all about the poach.
447
00:24:13,548 --> 00:24:15,816
Those guys are such pussies.
448
00:24:16,283 --> 00:24:17,682
Bacon?
449
00:24:17,684 --> 00:24:19,584
Uh, sure.
450
00:24:19,586 --> 00:24:22,055
I had bacon? And eggs?
451
00:24:22,057 --> 00:24:24,657
No. I went out and picked up a few things.
452
00:24:24,659 --> 00:24:26,692
Yeah, including some luggage.
453
00:24:26,694 --> 00:24:28,895
No, that was in the car.
454
00:24:30,263 --> 00:24:33,364
So, you left her.
455
00:24:33,366 --> 00:24:36,737
Temporarily. She'll
feel more guilt that way.
456
00:24:36,739 --> 00:24:38,739
Ooh! Ah...
457
00:24:38,741 --> 00:24:42,608
There she is. "Decline."
458
00:24:42,610 --> 00:24:45,979
Oh, you know what? I saw this
article on the refrigerator.
459
00:24:45,981 --> 00:24:50,015
Piqued my curiosity. "Men's
Life Crisis at Age 25."
460
00:24:50,017 --> 00:24:52,419
Yeah, that's what's wrong with me.
461
00:24:52,421 --> 00:24:55,454
There is now a life crisis
before the mid-life crisis
462
00:24:55,456 --> 00:24:59,126
that experts are calling
the "early-life crisis."
463
00:24:59,128 --> 00:25:00,627
Oh, that's clever.
464
00:25:00,629 --> 00:25:02,396
Yeah. I've been stuck in one of those.
465
00:25:02,398 --> 00:25:03,565
Yeah? For how long?
466
00:25:03,567 --> 00:25:05,199
Just over eight years.
467
00:25:05,201 --> 00:25:06,934
Close to a decade.
468
00:25:06,936 --> 00:25:09,237
I'm suffering from over-ambitious
aspirations for myself,
469
00:25:09,239 --> 00:25:12,139
so I worry about getting a better job,
470
00:25:12,141 --> 00:25:13,973
I desire a nicer place to live,
471
00:25:13,975 --> 00:25:16,810
and swankier clothes to
wear, and hotter girls.
472
00:25:16,812 --> 00:25:20,713
And I want to attain all of this
while I'm eradicating my debt.
473
00:25:20,715 --> 00:25:22,184
It's ridiculous.
474
00:25:22,186 --> 00:25:24,685
"Should adopt more realistic ambitions
475
00:25:24,687 --> 00:25:26,754
"to feel happier and less stress."
476
00:25:26,756 --> 00:25:28,357
That's easy for them to say.
477
00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:30,960
They have an awesome job at a magazine.
478
00:25:32,096 --> 00:25:33,229
Dickheads.
479
00:25:39,569 --> 00:25:41,003
I'm moving in here for a while.
480
00:25:42,206 --> 00:25:43,738
- What?
- Yeah.
481
00:25:43,740 --> 00:25:47,377
Morgan's faithlessness has emboldened me
482
00:25:47,379 --> 00:25:49,913
to take a vacation from her,
483
00:25:49,915 --> 00:25:53,214
from our marriage, from my career.
484
00:25:53,216 --> 00:25:55,484
Yeah. I want to spend it here.
485
00:25:55,486 --> 00:25:58,455
You said it looked like a pirate
ship and smelled of beef noodles.
486
00:25:58,457 --> 00:26:02,159
And you said it smelled
of man, and you were right.
487
00:26:02,826 --> 00:26:04,628
I... I was?
488
00:26:04,630 --> 00:26:06,830
Yes. What the fuck am I going to do?
489
00:26:06,832 --> 00:26:09,365
I'm going to lay around a swanky hotel
490
00:26:09,367 --> 00:26:13,138
swimming pool in a fluffy robe with
a slice of cucumber in my water?
491
00:26:13,140 --> 00:26:15,639
Order caviar-topped potatoes?
492
00:26:15,641 --> 00:26:17,439
Get massages?
493
00:26:17,441 --> 00:26:19,743
I started making a little
bit of money as a lawyer
494
00:26:19,745 --> 00:26:22,678
and turned into George Hamilton.
495
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:24,380
I don't know who that is.
496
00:26:24,382 --> 00:26:28,217
Morgan is largely responsible
for me becoming fancy.
497
00:26:28,219 --> 00:26:32,290
The flat screen had to be
moved out of the bathroom.
498
00:26:32,292 --> 00:26:35,761
Can't eat any food anywhere
near the Italian bed linens.
499
00:26:35,763 --> 00:26:39,532
She's even got me wearing pink
Polo shirts on the weekend.
500
00:26:39,534 --> 00:26:40,965
Pink is sometimes nice.
501
00:26:40,967 --> 00:26:42,802
Yeah, it's nice on birthday cakes.
502
00:26:42,804 --> 00:26:46,571
But it doesn't belong on a
rough-riding son of a bitch like me.
503
00:26:46,573 --> 00:26:48,672
Or you!
504
00:26:48,674 --> 00:26:52,776
This whole man-shed experience has
brought me back to a blissful time
505
00:26:52,778 --> 00:26:54,845
when I was emotionally unformed
506
00:26:54,847 --> 00:26:59,017
and completely devoid of a
woman's redecorating tips.
507
00:26:59,019 --> 00:27:02,255
All I did in those days
was follow my pecker around.
508
00:27:02,257 --> 00:27:05,725
I didn't give a fuck
about anybody or anything.
509
00:27:05,727 --> 00:27:07,959
Here. What I need is here.
510
00:27:07,961 --> 00:27:10,062
I can do anything.
511
00:27:10,064 --> 00:27:12,863
I can freeball on this ugly couch.
512
00:27:12,865 --> 00:27:14,433
Don't say that.
513
00:27:14,435 --> 00:27:17,602
I can eat chili fries
in that filthy shower.
514
00:27:17,604 --> 00:27:22,709
I can binge-drink without
judgment anytime I want.
515
00:27:22,711 --> 00:27:26,680
I appreciate you making
my man-shed sound poetic,
516
00:27:26,682 --> 00:27:30,084
but why don't you just
get your own private flop?
517
00:27:30,086 --> 00:27:32,018
Why do you need to share with me?
518
00:27:32,020 --> 00:27:34,455
That's the genius part.
519
00:27:34,457 --> 00:27:39,862
This is the ice cream on top of
the pie, on top of the candy bar.
520
00:27:41,029 --> 00:27:42,397
You don't see it, do you?
521
00:27:43,465 --> 00:27:44,796
I don't.
522
00:27:44,798 --> 00:27:46,868
Morgan's fucked us both over, correct?
523
00:27:48,003 --> 00:27:49,603
Very correct.
524
00:27:49,605 --> 00:27:53,307
Do you know how batshit
crazy she is gonna go
525
00:27:53,309 --> 00:27:56,011
when she finds out that
we're living together?
526
00:27:57,114 --> 00:27:58,178
Ooh.
527
00:27:58,180 --> 00:27:59,914
I'm going to pay the rent.
528
00:27:59,916 --> 00:28:01,281
I'm gonna pay for utilities,
529
00:28:01,283 --> 00:28:04,117
groceries, weed, booze, whatever.
530
00:28:05,189 --> 00:28:07,489
I'm going to pay for everything.
531
00:28:09,425 --> 00:28:11,427
Rent's due on the first.
532
00:28:15,331 --> 00:28:18,132
And the first variation
is to lean to one skate.
533
00:28:19,337 --> 00:28:21,702
This is a really good
stretch for your side.
534
00:28:21,704 --> 00:28:25,441
Okay, go ahead and come
up, square your shoulders.
535
00:28:25,443 --> 00:28:27,976
Try to reach for your other skate.
536
00:28:29,212 --> 00:28:31,079
Shit, that's a cop knock.
537
00:28:31,081 --> 00:28:33,414
No, that's a Muumuu knock.
538
00:28:35,019 --> 00:28:37,086
Wait, this could be the weed talking,
539
00:28:37,088 --> 00:28:39,087
but there's a cow at the door?
540
00:28:39,089 --> 00:28:43,660
No, it's our indecipherable
landlord who only wears guess what?
541
00:28:43,662 --> 00:28:45,864
Sorry about the noise last night.
542
00:28:47,031 --> 00:28:48,398
She sounds sexy.
543
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:50,766
Yeah, she's got charm for days.
544
00:28:50,768 --> 00:28:52,768
Lyle, my old roommate,
545
00:28:52,770 --> 00:28:55,872
he thinks she runs guns
out of the laundry room.
546
00:28:58,779 --> 00:29:02,078
- What are your plans for the rest of the day?
- Hmm...
547
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:05,950
These leg lunges supersede any
plans I had for the rest of my life.
548
00:29:05,952 --> 00:29:08,050
Lean into it.
549
00:29:08,052 --> 00:29:09,988
Don't forget to breathe.
550
00:29:09,990 --> 00:29:12,390
You know where I've always
wanted to have lunch?
551
00:29:16,395 --> 00:29:18,127
How's it going with that hangover?
552
00:29:18,129 --> 00:29:19,998
I think it's getting worse.
553
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:23,400
Well, damn it, boy, hit it
with another Engineer Beer.
554
00:29:23,402 --> 00:29:25,270
Or some of that Choo-Choo Chicken.
555
00:29:25,907 --> 00:29:27,471
Look at this.
556
00:29:27,473 --> 00:29:29,707
We had breakfast, like, an hour ago.
557
00:29:29,709 --> 00:29:32,043
Slow down. You're going to
give yourself a heart attack.
558
00:29:32,045 --> 00:29:33,912
Get used to my gluttony.
559
00:29:33,914 --> 00:29:37,015
I tend to eat a lot on vacation.
560
00:29:37,017 --> 00:29:40,351
Did... That... Did... What the fuck?
561
00:29:40,353 --> 00:29:43,755
That guy just took the last
of the Piggyback Potatoes!
562
00:29:43,757 --> 00:29:45,091
Shh.
563
00:29:45,625 --> 00:29:47,194
Shit.
564
00:29:47,196 --> 00:29:49,795
That's why I'm here.
565
00:29:49,797 --> 00:29:52,999
Oh, I am gonna have an excellent
bowel movement tomorrow.
566
00:29:53,001 --> 00:29:54,533
Guaranteed.
567
00:29:54,535 --> 00:29:56,936
So, what are your new aspirations
568
00:29:56,938 --> 00:29:59,938
now that the antiquities
industry has shit-canned you?
569
00:29:59,940 --> 00:30:03,708
Okay, um...
570
00:30:03,710 --> 00:30:06,311
To own my own company that
makes me a lot of money.
571
00:30:06,313 --> 00:30:08,580
What that company does,
I'm not really sure yet.
572
00:30:08,582 --> 00:30:11,552
I'd like a vintage Cadillac
with original leather interior.
573
00:30:11,554 --> 00:30:14,354
House on the water. Winter
home in the Virgin Islands.
574
00:30:14,356 --> 00:30:17,058
I'd like a wife, hot, preferably Asian...
575
00:30:17,060 --> 00:30:19,458
- I'm gonna stop you there.
- Yeah?
576
00:30:19,460 --> 00:30:22,462
I'm gonna recommend that you
adopt more realistic ambitions
577
00:30:22,464 --> 00:30:25,931
because it sounds like you're
a bit of an unrealistic dreamer.
578
00:30:25,933 --> 00:30:27,167
Guilty.
579
00:30:27,169 --> 00:30:28,400
I'm Pisces, so I view the world
580
00:30:28,402 --> 00:30:30,602
through rose-tinted spectacles.
581
00:30:30,604 --> 00:30:33,340
Oh, that stung all the
way to my brain stem.
582
00:30:33,342 --> 00:30:34,941
You gotta be kidding me.
583
00:30:34,943 --> 00:30:36,977
If you want to pick up a girl,
584
00:30:36,979 --> 00:30:39,147
you gotta infuse your vocab with
a little bit more testosterone.
585
00:30:39,149 --> 00:30:42,249
Words like "tits" and "big tits."
586
00:30:42,251 --> 00:30:45,152
Listen, Cadillacs and beach houses,
587
00:30:45,154 --> 00:30:48,623
those are the dreams
of stupid, naive people.
588
00:30:49,593 --> 00:30:51,026
That's not you, right?
589
00:30:53,796 --> 00:30:54,894
Grady?
590
00:30:54,896 --> 00:30:56,697
Yeah.
591
00:30:56,699 --> 00:30:59,468
They put out more Piggyback Potatoes.
592
00:30:59,470 --> 00:31:00,937
What?
593
00:31:00,939 --> 00:31:02,670
When?
594
00:31:02,672 --> 00:31:04,706
I find it a little strange, actually,
595
00:31:04,708 --> 00:31:07,442
that you blame "extreme muff deficiency"
596
00:31:07,444 --> 00:31:09,311
as the root of my problems,
597
00:31:09,313 --> 00:31:12,582
when the last muff I was
in belonged to your wife.
598
00:31:13,852 --> 00:31:15,351
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
599
00:31:15,353 --> 00:31:17,118
Let me ask you a question.
600
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:20,656
If a fat guy diets, exercises,
601
00:31:20,658 --> 00:31:23,325
takes vitamins two weeks out of the year,
602
00:31:23,327 --> 00:31:27,162
does that necessarily
make him a healthy person?
603
00:31:27,164 --> 00:31:28,963
I get your point.
604
00:31:28,965 --> 00:31:31,066
So how come you're not
out there closing some ass?
605
00:31:31,068 --> 00:31:35,138
How? Where? I hate going
out. I hate going to bars.
606
00:31:35,140 --> 00:31:37,105
The music's always so loud.
607
00:31:37,107 --> 00:31:38,708
I can barely hear myself speak,
608
00:31:38,710 --> 00:31:40,642
let alone the lady I'm
trying to connect with.
609
00:31:40,644 --> 00:31:42,912
So it becomes this choreographed routine
610
00:31:42,914 --> 00:31:46,017
of two people just leaning into
each other all night, saying, "What?
611
00:31:46,019 --> 00:31:48,085
"What? What? What?"
612
00:31:48,087 --> 00:31:49,585
Well, that's your problem.
613
00:31:49,587 --> 00:31:51,589
Bars are not made for talking.
614
00:31:51,591 --> 00:31:53,691
That's why the music is so loud.
615
00:31:53,693 --> 00:31:55,959
You only need to be
concerned about two questions,
616
00:31:55,961 --> 00:31:59,530
"What are you drinking?"
and, "Where are we humping?"
617
00:32:01,567 --> 00:32:03,902
Could you see that on a
T-shirt? I just made that up.
618
00:32:03,904 --> 00:32:07,405
Unfortunately, yes, I
can see that on a T-shirt.
619
00:32:08,307 --> 00:32:10,007
Are you okay to drive?
620
00:32:10,009 --> 00:32:11,877
No. Definitely not. Get in.
621
00:32:13,580 --> 00:32:17,849
What if you woke up
and you were 15 again?
622
00:32:17,851 --> 00:32:22,654
The funny thing is, I don't
feel that way anymore.
623
00:32:22,656 --> 00:32:26,959
Oh... That was a delightful bubble bath.
624
00:32:26,961 --> 00:32:28,260
Whose Mr. Bubble is this?
625
00:32:28,262 --> 00:32:30,729
Who else lives here apart from you?
626
00:32:30,731 --> 00:32:33,065
I thought it might've
been your old roommate's.
627
00:32:33,067 --> 00:32:35,769
No, when people move out,
they bring their Mr. Bubble.
628
00:32:35,771 --> 00:32:37,403
That's how it works.
629
00:32:37,405 --> 00:32:39,606
Oh, well, you're out of Mr. Bubble.
630
00:32:39,608 --> 00:32:41,072
What?
631
00:32:41,074 --> 00:32:42,841
Jesus Christ, that was a new bottle.
632
00:32:42,843 --> 00:32:45,979
You're only supposed to
use a capful. A capful!
633
00:32:45,981 --> 00:32:49,550
It really smelled good, so
I just kept pouring it in.
634
00:32:50,819 --> 00:32:52,485
What are you watching?
635
00:32:52,487 --> 00:32:55,022
Ah. It's Dawson's Creek.
636
00:32:56,823 --> 00:32:58,826
Is this VHS?
637
00:32:58,828 --> 00:33:02,763
Yup. I have every episode recorded
on their original air date.
638
00:33:02,765 --> 00:33:05,232
I got them on eBay from
this woman in Delaware.
639
00:33:05,234 --> 00:33:09,070
She sent them in this awesome
casket she made, too. Look.
640
00:33:10,205 --> 00:33:12,039
Seriously, what is this show about?
641
00:33:12,041 --> 00:33:13,673
It's about an ambitious young man
642
00:33:13,675 --> 00:33:15,909
named Dawson Leery and his friends
643
00:33:15,911 --> 00:33:19,646
as they learn all about love and
life in Capeside, Massachusetts.
644
00:33:19,648 --> 00:33:22,951
Romantic entanglements and
growing pains are aplenty.
645
00:33:22,953 --> 00:33:25,054
You are going to love it.
646
00:33:28,324 --> 00:33:31,859
That sounds like the worst
fucking TV show I've ever heard of.
647
00:33:31,861 --> 00:33:32,993
- No.
- Yeah.
648
00:33:32,995 --> 00:33:34,830
We're not watching this.
649
00:33:34,832 --> 00:33:38,633
Come on, find a sporting event
or something with car crashes.
650
00:33:38,635 --> 00:33:40,601
Do you bite off Morgan's head like this
651
00:33:40,603 --> 00:33:42,270
every time she wants to watch
her favorite programming?
652
00:33:42,272 --> 00:33:44,340
We don't watch television together.
653
00:33:44,909 --> 00:33:46,610
- Never?
- No.
654
00:33:47,777 --> 00:33:49,612
I always thought the best part of marriage
655
00:33:49,614 --> 00:33:51,246
would be settling in every night
656
00:33:51,248 --> 00:33:53,449
to watch television with your life partner.
657
00:33:53,451 --> 00:33:56,385
You know, making fun of
the weatherman's hair,
658
00:33:56,387 --> 00:33:59,356
shouting out answers
during Family Feud.
659
00:34:00,189 --> 00:34:01,889
Not even Top Chef?
660
00:34:01,891 --> 00:34:05,726
No, not even Top Chef,
whatever the fuck that is.
661
00:34:05,728 --> 00:34:08,497
We have jobs, and we work most nights.
662
00:34:09,299 --> 00:34:10,800
That's sad.
663
00:34:10,802 --> 00:34:12,235
What would you know about it, Stensland?
664
00:34:14,238 --> 00:34:17,874
Get me the Doritos and a tumbler of Scotch.
665
00:34:17,876 --> 00:34:20,311
Come on, come on, come on.
666
00:34:20,313 --> 00:34:22,111
We don't have tumblers.
667
00:34:22,113 --> 00:34:23,680
I'll put it in a jelly jar.
668
00:34:23,682 --> 00:34:25,280
You don't have jelly jars either.
669
00:34:25,282 --> 00:34:27,151
I threw them all out this morning.
670
00:34:27,153 --> 00:34:29,017
God damn it.
671
00:34:31,023 --> 00:34:33,256
Hey, that's a Muumuu knock. You
want me to grab that, roomie?
672
00:34:33,258 --> 00:34:34,960
No, I'll get it.
673
00:34:34,962 --> 00:34:37,928
Sorry, we'll keep the fucking noise...
674
00:34:37,930 --> 00:34:39,897
Good, you're alive.
675
00:34:39,899 --> 00:34:41,931
What are you...
676
00:34:41,933 --> 00:34:43,935
Grady said he was coming over
here to kill you last night, so...
677
00:34:43,937 --> 00:34:45,536
You were worried about me.
678
00:34:45,538 --> 00:34:48,406
No, I was worried about
instigating a murder.
679
00:34:48,942 --> 00:34:50,875
Good night.
680
00:34:50,877 --> 00:34:54,679
Hey, Stens! I'm very high,
and I cannot feel my feet.
681
00:34:58,485 --> 00:35:00,487
- Grady!
- Oh, shit!
682
00:35:01,621 --> 00:35:04,121
Whoa, what are you doing here, man?
683
00:35:04,123 --> 00:35:07,425
Um, you said you were going to
come here and kill him last night.
684
00:35:07,427 --> 00:35:09,093
She was worried about me.
685
00:35:09,095 --> 00:35:11,563
I was not worried about you, okay?
686
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:14,066
What are you doing here?
687
00:35:14,068 --> 00:35:16,101
I thought you checked into
the Sorrento last night.
688
00:35:16,103 --> 00:35:19,172
Nope. Nope, I live here now, woman.
689
00:35:19,673 --> 00:35:20,773
What?
690
00:35:22,611 --> 00:35:25,846
That's a joke, right?
691
00:35:25,848 --> 00:35:27,781
No.
692
00:35:27,783 --> 00:35:29,649
Stensland and I have bonded
over the mutual hatred of you.
693
00:35:29,651 --> 00:35:31,783
Oh, well, "Hatred" is a strong word.
694
00:35:31,785 --> 00:35:33,652
See, unlike you and your sisterhood
695
00:35:33,654 --> 00:35:35,721
of catty, hair-pulling harpies,
696
00:35:35,723 --> 00:35:38,959
men can move past their
mistakes and form a fellowship.
697
00:35:38,961 --> 00:35:41,928
A creed, if you will.
That's why we run the world.
698
00:35:41,930 --> 00:35:45,564
Oh, and what an honorable job you
frat dickheads are doing, thank you.
699
00:35:45,566 --> 00:35:47,501
Morgan, I don't hate you, per se.
700
00:35:47,503 --> 00:35:49,769
- I'm just very upset...
- Wait a second. Wait a second.
701
00:35:49,771 --> 00:35:52,371
You said she lied to
you and broke your heart,
702
00:35:52,373 --> 00:35:53,940
and you're going to stand over there
703
00:35:53,942 --> 00:35:55,708
and kiss her ass like
you owe her something.
704
00:35:55,710 --> 00:35:58,012
- Shut up.
- Grow some balls, Stensland.
705
00:35:58,014 --> 00:35:59,114
Stop it, Grady!
706
00:35:59,116 --> 00:36:00,681
- Fucking do it!
- Fine!
707
00:36:00,683 --> 00:36:03,416
Morgan, I'm really fucking pissed at you!
708
00:36:03,418 --> 00:36:06,219
You're very pretty, but you're a liar!
709
00:36:06,221 --> 00:36:08,289
Get a load of this, sister.
710
00:36:08,291 --> 00:36:10,892
Me and this fella right here,
we're taking a long Morgan vacation,
711
00:36:10,894 --> 00:36:12,560
and if you don't like that,
then you can just head out
712
00:36:12,562 --> 00:36:15,263
and find yourself another boy toy!
713
00:36:15,265 --> 00:36:17,365
Yeah. High-five that shit.
714
00:36:18,568 --> 00:36:21,569
Oh, this is so twisted, even for you.
715
00:36:21,571 --> 00:36:23,406
- Is it?
- Okay, you know what?
716
00:36:23,408 --> 00:36:25,741
Just so you know, it's not lost on me
717
00:36:25,743 --> 00:36:28,475
how insulting this must be for you
718
00:36:28,477 --> 00:36:31,211
that I cheated on you
with this child over here.
719
00:36:31,213 --> 00:36:32,982
Don't mind me, Morgan, I'm
just standing right here.
720
00:36:32,984 --> 00:36:34,583
- Will you just shut up?
- All right.
721
00:36:34,585 --> 00:36:36,920
- Please? Just shut...
- Sorry. Yeah.
722
00:36:36,922 --> 00:36:38,654
- I'll stop talking right now.
- You talk too much.
723
00:36:38,656 --> 00:36:40,323
- Okay.
- Stop.
724
00:36:41,793 --> 00:36:44,561
What was my next move
supposed to be, Grady?
725
00:36:44,563 --> 00:36:46,193
I told you that we were losing touch,
726
00:36:46,195 --> 00:36:49,297
that I needed more from
you, and you ignored me.
727
00:36:49,299 --> 00:36:52,668
You blew off therapy, you
drifted further away from me.
728
00:36:52,670 --> 00:36:55,971
I mean, what is someone supposed
to do when they're wandering around
729
00:36:55,973 --> 00:37:00,410
in the emotional equivalent
of the Atacama Desert, huh?
730
00:37:00,412 --> 00:37:04,615
Or starving for affection like
some Brazilian street orphan?
731
00:37:08,220 --> 00:37:10,387
Is this BBC World News?
732
00:37:11,789 --> 00:37:13,858
Oh, Jesus, fuck you. Just fuck you.
733
00:37:15,327 --> 00:37:17,894
This is our marriage, Grady.
734
00:37:17,896 --> 00:37:20,164
We need to sit down, and
we need to talk, okay?
735
00:37:20,166 --> 00:37:21,697
But I am not doing it here.
736
00:37:21,699 --> 00:37:24,435
So please go get your stuff, and let's go.
737
00:37:25,672 --> 00:37:26,773
No.
738
00:37:29,810 --> 00:37:31,042
Sorry.
739
00:37:31,044 --> 00:37:32,775
I'm going to stay here with Stensland
740
00:37:32,777 --> 00:37:34,513
and watch an episode of
Darren's Stream.
741
00:37:34,515 --> 00:37:36,482
That'd be Dawson's Creek.
742
00:37:42,087 --> 00:37:43,521
You do that.
743
00:37:50,097 --> 00:37:53,332
Jesus. What's with her cheap shots?
744
00:37:53,334 --> 00:37:54,999
Aw, forget it.
745
00:37:55,001 --> 00:37:57,369
You told her off like a
man. Didn't that feel good?
746
00:37:57,371 --> 00:37:59,470
No, it exhausted me.
747
00:37:59,472 --> 00:38:01,204
I'm going to go to bed for a few days.
748
00:38:01,206 --> 00:38:03,209
What are you talking
about? It's not even 10:00.
749
00:38:03,211 --> 00:38:05,678
I mean, the pubs are
crawling with young bug.
750
00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:07,711
We've got to get out there,
we've got to get some.
751
00:38:07,713 --> 00:38:10,216
I've got to cash in a
"bang some strange" card.
752
00:38:10,218 --> 00:38:11,551
- No.
- Yes.
753
00:38:11,553 --> 00:38:13,386
- No.
- Oh, yes. Come on.
754
00:38:13,388 --> 00:38:14,953
Stensland says no!
755
00:38:14,955 --> 00:38:16,690
Two double Black Labels
on the rocks, please.
756
00:38:16,692 --> 00:38:18,527
- You got it.
- Thank you.
757
00:38:19,326 --> 00:38:21,094
First prospect on the board.
758
00:38:21,096 --> 00:38:24,163
Bartenders flirt for tips,
they can't be prospects.
759
00:38:24,165 --> 00:38:26,100
Oh, come on.
760
00:38:26,102 --> 00:38:28,502
Dogs beg for Milk-Bones, but
they still wanna hump your leg.
761
00:38:29,605 --> 00:38:31,504
Now then, in scouting for a prospect,
762
00:38:31,506 --> 00:38:33,105
you've got to take in the whole field.
763
00:38:33,107 --> 00:38:35,008
You know what a baseball scout is, right?
764
00:38:35,010 --> 00:38:36,675
I'm Irish, not Amish.
765
00:38:36,677 --> 00:38:39,613
Good. That's good. I knew
you'd be good at this.
766
00:38:39,615 --> 00:38:41,115
- There you go, boys.
- Thank you.
767
00:38:41,117 --> 00:38:43,720
- Keep that tab wide open.
- Giddyup.
768
00:38:44,887 --> 00:38:46,354
See?
769
00:38:48,724 --> 00:38:50,425
Tonight we're muff scouts.
770
00:38:50,427 --> 00:38:52,793
I know, it lacks wit, but it's real.
771
00:38:52,795 --> 00:38:55,195
So, when we're scouting
quail, what are we looking for?
772
00:38:55,197 --> 00:38:56,530
Body, face, what else?
773
00:38:56,532 --> 00:38:58,968
Intelligence, sense of self, fashion.
774
00:38:58,970 --> 00:39:00,868
No! That's the pink part of your brain
775
00:39:00,870 --> 00:39:02,738
that allows you to enjoy
Dawson's Creek.
776
00:39:02,740 --> 00:39:05,006
The end game is to get 'em nude,
777
00:39:05,008 --> 00:39:08,142
sans fashion,
so it's never a factor.
778
00:39:08,144 --> 00:39:11,513
But what is a factor is personality.
779
00:39:11,515 --> 00:39:14,147
And it's as easy to spot as a panty line.
780
00:39:14,149 --> 00:39:17,018
Are they laughing? Are they smiling?
781
00:39:17,020 --> 00:39:18,754
Are they giving off any indication
782
00:39:18,756 --> 00:39:20,455
that they're having a good time,
783
00:39:20,457 --> 00:39:24,793
or that they're eager to
have a good time with you?
784
00:39:24,795 --> 00:39:28,295
Many of them are going to be
wearing this precious little smile
785
00:39:28,297 --> 00:39:34,637
that says, "Hey, please,
please come talk to me."
786
00:39:34,639 --> 00:39:37,639
I know that little smile.
787
00:39:37,641 --> 00:39:40,510
Of course you do, you fuckin' animal.
788
00:39:40,512 --> 00:39:42,677
That's why they're drinking here
789
00:39:42,679 --> 00:39:47,017
and not at home alone
with their kitty cats.
790
00:39:47,019 --> 00:39:50,386
Now then, survey the showroom,
791
00:39:50,388 --> 00:39:55,225
pick out a model, take her for a sex drive.
792
00:39:55,227 --> 00:39:57,026
And for the sake of Christ,
793
00:39:57,028 --> 00:39:59,429
keep drinking the rocket sauce.
794
00:40:32,431 --> 00:40:34,832
- Hey!
- Hey.
795
00:40:34,834 --> 00:40:36,736
What kind of drink is that?
796
00:40:36,738 --> 00:40:38,638
It's a Harlem Mugger.
797
00:40:39,539 --> 00:40:40,640
What?
798
00:40:40,642 --> 00:40:42,506
A Harlem Mugger!
799
00:40:42,508 --> 00:40:45,977
Oh! What's in it? Racism?
800
00:40:45,979 --> 00:40:50,716
No, no, it's got vodka, gin,
white rum, tequila, champagne,
801
00:40:50,718 --> 00:40:52,452
and a little cranberry juice.
802
00:40:52,454 --> 00:40:53,819
Always gets me shitfaced.
803
00:40:53,821 --> 00:40:55,854
Oh, my God.
804
00:40:55,856 --> 00:40:57,657
What's a lovely girl like you doing
805
00:40:57,659 --> 00:40:59,458
with a horrible drink like that?
806
00:40:59,460 --> 00:41:01,161
Are you a bootlegger?
807
00:41:01,163 --> 00:41:03,197
No, no.
808
00:41:03,199 --> 00:41:05,732
I ordered it because it smells
just like this anti-fungal shampoo
809
00:41:05,734 --> 00:41:07,701
I used to wash my pony with.
810
00:41:07,703 --> 00:41:08,902
Oh, is that right?
811
00:41:08,904 --> 00:41:10,938
Yeah, Gingerbelle.
812
00:41:10,940 --> 00:41:13,840
I couldn't decide between the
names Gingerbread and Clarabelle,
813
00:41:13,842 --> 00:41:15,541
so I combined them. Gingerbelle!
814
00:41:15,543 --> 00:41:18,244
- That's interesting.
- I loved her so much.
815
00:41:18,246 --> 00:41:22,216
Aw, Gingerbelle had this fungal
skin infection called "rain rot"
816
00:41:22,218 --> 00:41:25,452
and on warm nights, I used to
snuggle up with her in the barn,
817
00:41:25,454 --> 00:41:28,689
and then the bacteria from
her infection spread onto me.
818
00:41:28,691 --> 00:41:30,457
I still can't grow hair
819
00:41:30,459 --> 00:41:31,492
in my left armpit or half
my pubic region, but...
820
00:41:31,494 --> 00:41:33,059
Bye.
821
00:41:34,930 --> 00:41:36,398
Bye!
822
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:39,767
So the guy goes, "Hey, who
put the baby in the dryer?"
823
00:41:39,769 --> 00:41:41,234
Excuse me, miss?
824
00:41:41,236 --> 00:41:43,537
Oh, man. Be right back.
825
00:41:43,539 --> 00:41:45,006
What are you doing here?
826
00:41:45,008 --> 00:41:46,875
Ugh, it's not gonna happen.
827
00:41:46,877 --> 00:41:49,610
I got talking to a girl,
but she was into animals.
828
00:41:49,612 --> 00:41:51,114
Really?
829
00:41:51,116 --> 00:41:52,080
Not like that.
830
00:41:52,082 --> 00:41:54,350
Before I even got her name,
831
00:41:54,352 --> 00:41:56,551
she tells me about this pony she
caught a bacterial infection from.
832
00:41:56,553 --> 00:41:58,821
Yeah, that's rain rot.
833
00:41:58,823 --> 00:42:00,154
How do you know that?
834
00:42:00,156 --> 00:42:01,790
I was in 4-H when I was a kid.
835
00:42:01,792 --> 00:42:03,891
Look, it's nothing. It just makes you shed.
836
00:42:03,893 --> 00:42:05,792
It's no big deal.
837
00:42:05,794 --> 00:42:08,362
Go back out there and just
casually bring up your penis.
838
00:42:08,364 --> 00:42:10,265
This is pathetic.
839
00:42:10,267 --> 00:42:12,168
You do realize there's not a lady here
840
00:42:12,170 --> 00:42:14,003
who can hold a candle to your wife, right?
841
00:42:14,005 --> 00:42:17,875
Stensland! Don't bring her up again.
842
00:42:19,275 --> 00:42:20,876
Get away from me.
843
00:42:27,186 --> 00:42:29,084
- Everything okay here?
- Yeah.
844
00:42:29,086 --> 00:42:31,419
Can I get another double, please?
845
00:42:31,421 --> 00:42:35,458
Oh. And a shot of tequila.
846
00:42:35,460 --> 00:42:39,328
The shittiest, cheapest
tequila that you have.
847
00:42:56,316 --> 00:42:57,750
Hi.
848
00:43:00,054 --> 00:43:01,621
Hi.
849
00:43:02,956 --> 00:43:06,224
Can you get the fuck up
and off my $700 jacket?
850
00:43:06,626 --> 00:43:07,927
Oh.
851
00:43:08,728 --> 00:43:10,161
I'm sorry.
852
00:43:11,597 --> 00:43:13,463
- Just give it!
- Sorry.
853
00:43:13,465 --> 00:43:15,798
Just watch where the fuck
you sit next time, dick face.
854
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:17,834
"Dick face"? Jesus Christ.
855
00:43:17,836 --> 00:43:21,808
Why don't you tell your whore to
watch where she drops her shit?
856
00:43:23,477 --> 00:43:24,910
Oh.
857
00:43:24,912 --> 00:43:26,979
No, I didn't say that, he said that.
858
00:43:26,981 --> 00:43:29,114
- No. No, I didn't.
- What?
859
00:43:29,116 --> 00:43:31,417
Listen, drink this, 'cause you're
gonna need it in about five minutes.
860
00:43:31,419 --> 00:43:33,285
Who'd you call a whore, motherfucker?
861
00:43:33,287 --> 00:43:35,721
I believe he's referring to her,
862
00:43:35,723 --> 00:43:38,223
and, uh, he also bet me a fish taco
863
00:43:38,225 --> 00:43:40,359
that he'd have her blowing him
864
00:43:40,361 --> 00:43:42,028
- in the men's room by last call.
- What the fuck are you doing?
865
00:43:42,030 --> 00:43:43,763
That is confidence.
866
00:43:43,765 --> 00:43:45,931
- Oh, fuck! Okay.
- Outside, right now.
867
00:43:45,933 --> 00:43:47,666
- Bitch.
- "Bitch"?
868
00:43:47,668 --> 00:43:50,235
- Bitch.
- "Bitch"? Jesus.
869
00:43:50,237 --> 00:43:52,105
Don't ever bring up a man's wife
870
00:43:52,107 --> 00:43:54,173
when you're on bush patrol with him, okay?
871
00:43:54,175 --> 00:43:55,742
You couldn't deal with a pony snuggler,
872
00:43:55,744 --> 00:43:56,943
and you dragged me down with you,
873
00:43:56,945 --> 00:43:58,744
and that has consequences.
874
00:43:58,746 --> 00:44:01,114
Consequences that apparently
mean my death, asshole!
875
00:44:01,116 --> 00:44:03,516
- Thanks a bunch!
- You're welcome.
876
00:44:03,518 --> 00:44:04,751
God damn it!
877
00:44:04,753 --> 00:44:06,786
Let's do this, pussy!
878
00:44:06,788 --> 00:44:08,355
I can't believe you did this.
He's gonna put me in the hospital.
879
00:44:08,357 --> 00:44:10,024
You know what, you pissed me off,
880
00:44:10,026 --> 00:44:11,792
but now I feel a little shitty about it
881
00:44:11,794 --> 00:44:12,959
because that fucking guy's huge.
882
00:44:12,961 --> 00:44:14,995
He's a giant.
883
00:44:14,997 --> 00:44:16,865
Do you know what? Aside from all
that, you need this, Stensland.
884
00:44:16,867 --> 00:44:18,298
- Oh, I need this?
- Yes.
885
00:44:18,300 --> 00:44:20,667
Violence is good for a guy.
886
00:44:20,669 --> 00:44:22,970
It'll cure you of the desire to watch
Dawson's Creek every day. Right?
887
00:44:24,439 --> 00:44:25,906
Hey, it's an award-winner! Best Drama,
888
00:44:25,908 --> 00:44:27,874
Teen Choice Awards! Twice!
889
00:44:27,876 --> 00:44:29,510
Use that anger.
890
00:44:29,512 --> 00:44:31,011
You've been bullied your
whole life, Stensland.
891
00:44:31,013 --> 00:44:33,115
Do something about it.
892
00:44:33,117 --> 00:44:35,616
Put every prick's face that you
ever dealt with on that prick's face.
893
00:44:35,618 --> 00:44:37,886
- You just shut up and leave me alone.
- Good.
894
00:44:37,888 --> 00:44:39,987
Let do this, punk!
895
00:44:39,989 --> 00:44:41,588
- Fuck!
- Nice shot.
896
00:44:41,590 --> 00:44:43,991
All right. Proceed.
897
00:44:45,130 --> 00:44:47,163
This will all end very soon.
898
00:44:47,165 --> 00:44:49,063
Come on, Stens.
899
00:44:49,065 --> 00:44:51,766
Hey, freshman dork.
Look at those bitch hips!
900
00:44:51,768 --> 00:44:53,768
Make good handles for your boyfriend, huh?
901
00:44:53,770 --> 00:44:55,203
Oh!
902
00:44:55,205 --> 00:44:57,038
Keep 'em up. Get 'em up.
903
00:44:57,040 --> 00:44:59,374
You either get giddy about
the antique furniture,
904
00:44:59,376 --> 00:45:01,510
or get giddy in the unemployment line.
905
00:45:01,512 --> 00:45:04,513
Come on, Stensy.
906
00:45:04,515 --> 00:45:06,749
You're a child, Stensland.
907
00:45:06,751 --> 00:45:08,151
A mistake.
908
00:45:08,153 --> 00:45:10,754
I could never be your girlfriend.
909
00:45:19,764 --> 00:45:21,431
- Keep fighting!
- I did it!
910
00:45:25,004 --> 00:45:26,806
Stensy?
911
00:45:29,174 --> 00:45:30,942
Stensland!
912
00:45:33,245 --> 00:45:34,478
Mmm...
913
00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:37,180
Hello, dolly.
914
00:45:38,417 --> 00:45:40,951
Why do I have Wilford Brimley's mustache?
915
00:45:40,953 --> 00:45:43,187
Stensland, you punched me in the face.
916
00:45:43,189 --> 00:45:46,492
You felt that? I thought
it was only pretend.
917
00:45:51,764 --> 00:45:53,365
Whoa.
918
00:45:53,367 --> 00:45:55,434
What's your assistant
doing in the Swiss Alps?
919
00:45:55,436 --> 00:45:57,535
Care for a schmoke, Stensland?
920
00:45:57,537 --> 00:46:01,006
Man, she's wearing the shit
out of those Hosen.
921
00:46:01,008 --> 00:46:03,207
Come, Stensland. Ja, is good.
922
00:46:03,209 --> 00:46:05,642
Schmoke-ity,
schmoke-ity, schmoke-ity.
923
00:46:05,644 --> 00:46:08,178
- Hmm.
- Ja, is good.
924
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:14,522
I wanted a schmoke.
925
00:46:34,208 --> 00:46:37,411
Grady, you piece of shit.
926
00:46:39,615 --> 00:46:42,449
And for some reason, she had two goats.
927
00:46:44,954 --> 00:46:47,052
You're drooling jam.
928
00:46:47,054 --> 00:46:49,922
Okay. Okay.
929
00:46:51,594 --> 00:46:53,860
So, we lived together for three years,
930
00:46:53,862 --> 00:46:56,496
and by far the most scandalous
thing I ever saw you do was
931
00:46:56,498 --> 00:46:58,799
roll the dice on some expired pudding cups
932
00:46:58,801 --> 00:47:00,602
you found in the back of the fridge.
933
00:47:00,604 --> 00:47:02,638
- A gamble I lost, if you remember.
- I do.
934
00:47:02,640 --> 00:47:05,040
Yet, in the 48 hours since I moved out,
935
00:47:05,042 --> 00:47:06,973
you blackmailed your mistress,
936
00:47:06,975 --> 00:47:08,477
you had a gun stuck in your face,
937
00:47:08,479 --> 00:47:10,511
you let your mistress's husband move in,
938
00:47:10,513 --> 00:47:13,413
and you fist-fought a man
twice your size in an alley?
939
00:47:13,415 --> 00:47:15,181
Yes.
940
00:47:15,183 --> 00:47:17,584
Why didn't you unleash any of
this radness when I was there?
941
00:47:17,586 --> 00:47:19,555
None of this is radness, Lyle.
942
00:47:19,557 --> 00:47:21,791
I need this guy out of my place.
943
00:47:21,793 --> 00:47:23,992
No, it's all radness, man.
Adventure is erupting all around you.
944
00:47:23,994 --> 00:47:27,396
- And I'm hating it.
- No. No, you don't realize you're loving it.
945
00:47:27,398 --> 00:47:29,230
Soldiers go to war, and they hate it,
946
00:47:29,232 --> 00:47:30,965
yet it's all they talk
about when they get back.
947
00:47:30,967 --> 00:47:32,802
I'm a prematurely old man who wants
948
00:47:32,804 --> 00:47:34,903
nothing more than a
comfortable place to sit
949
00:47:34,905 --> 00:47:37,173
and a diet root beer to
enjoy the silence with.
950
00:47:37,175 --> 00:47:39,039
I can't deal with all this.
951
00:47:39,041 --> 00:47:42,043
You remember Final Destination
and its subsequent sequels?
952
00:47:42,045 --> 00:47:43,711
The teenagers cheated Death,
953
00:47:43,713 --> 00:47:45,281
and then Death came after
them to finish the job?
954
00:47:45,283 --> 00:47:46,749
- Great movie.
- Yeah.
955
00:47:46,751 --> 00:47:49,086
I think you cheated Youth in your 20s
956
00:47:49,088 --> 00:47:53,256
by denying yourself sex, and
reckless behavior, and Fun in general.
957
00:47:53,258 --> 00:47:55,057
Now Fun's come back to claim your soul,
958
00:47:55,059 --> 00:47:58,160
and it's come in the form
of a middle-aged pervert.
959
00:47:58,162 --> 00:48:00,129
What if I outwit Fun?
960
00:48:00,131 --> 00:48:03,566
Perform the old switcheroo to
defend my geriatric way of life.
961
00:48:03,568 --> 00:48:05,535
No, no, you can't outwit Fun, man.
962
00:48:05,537 --> 00:48:07,504
Especially when you're broke,
and Fun's paying the rent.
963
00:48:10,909 --> 00:48:12,543
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
964
00:48:14,980 --> 00:48:16,380
Shit!
965
00:48:21,455 --> 00:48:22,487
Hannah!
966
00:48:23,989 --> 00:48:26,322
What are you doing down
there? Did you find a penny?
967
00:48:26,324 --> 00:48:28,891
No. I'm hiding from an annoying asshole.
968
00:48:28,893 --> 00:48:30,594
Oh.
969
00:48:30,596 --> 00:48:33,298
Listen, I just want to
apologize for the other day.
970
00:48:33,300 --> 00:48:35,501
I had my panties in a pretty tight bunch.
971
00:48:35,503 --> 00:48:39,037
I brought another apology
in the form of a warm scone.
972
00:48:39,039 --> 00:48:40,604
A scone?
973
00:48:40,606 --> 00:48:42,642
Yeah, it's from the German
term "Schonbrot."
974
00:48:42,644 --> 00:48:44,542
Speaking of the old country,
975
00:48:44,544 --> 00:48:46,477
do you happen to have any Germanic breeding
976
00:48:46,479 --> 00:48:48,912
or own a pair of exotic
Lederhosen, by chance?
977
00:48:48,914 --> 00:48:50,381
Nice eye shadow.
978
00:48:50,383 --> 00:48:51,883
Oh, yeah, this is just a shiner
979
00:48:51,885 --> 00:48:54,184
from a drunken duke-out I had last night.
980
00:48:54,186 --> 00:48:55,586
- You did?
- Yeah.
981
00:48:55,588 --> 00:48:58,525
Wow. You know, that's really sexy.
982
00:48:58,527 --> 00:49:00,326
Really?
983
00:49:00,328 --> 00:49:02,328
It's the weirdest thing. I'm
seeing you in this whole new light.
984
00:49:02,330 --> 00:49:05,297
Well, you should see
the other guy. He's fine.
985
00:49:05,299 --> 00:49:07,366
I kind of want you.
986
00:49:07,368 --> 00:49:09,435
- Really?
- No. Go away.
987
00:49:09,437 --> 00:49:10,569
Oh.
988
00:49:10,571 --> 00:49:12,471
Listen...
989
00:49:12,473 --> 00:49:14,605
I'm coming up to see Morgan.
990
00:49:14,607 --> 00:49:16,808
Can't you just leave her alone?
991
00:49:16,810 --> 00:49:19,212
She had me out drinking until
2:00 in the morning last night,
992
00:49:19,214 --> 00:49:21,148
ranting and raving over the sick mind game
993
00:49:21,150 --> 00:49:22,716
that you and Grady are playing.
994
00:49:22,718 --> 00:49:25,519
You two jackoffs are
fucking up my shit now.
995
00:49:26,655 --> 00:49:29,090
Have you tried smoking pot to cool down?
996
00:49:29,092 --> 00:49:32,057
It helps me unwind when I'm
stressed out, like you are now.
997
00:49:32,059 --> 00:49:35,764
Plus, it really increases
my orgasm when I masturbate.
998
00:49:35,766 --> 00:49:38,231
- Oh.
- Oh, my God.
999
00:49:38,233 --> 00:49:39,499
You remind me...
1000
00:49:39,501 --> 00:49:40,934
Of a girlish Tilda Swinton?
1001
00:49:40,936 --> 00:49:42,503
I get that all the time.
1002
00:49:42,505 --> 00:49:44,671
No, of a rash I picked up in South America.
1003
00:49:44,673 --> 00:49:46,942
Headache, nausea, made my skin crawl.
1004
00:49:46,944 --> 00:49:49,911
Sounds like the symptoms of
lovesickness. Maybe I'm growing on you.
1005
00:49:51,747 --> 00:49:53,681
You couldn't grow on me with all
the seeds and soil in the world.
1006
00:49:53,683 --> 00:49:55,149
Eh. Could you tell Morgan I'm here?
1007
00:49:55,151 --> 00:49:56,585
She's in a meeting.
1008
00:49:56,587 --> 00:49:59,488
Please. We need to talk about Grady.
1009
00:50:01,189 --> 00:50:04,225
Thanks for staying late, guys.
I'll see you tomorrow, okay?
1010
00:50:06,163 --> 00:50:07,763
Hello.
1011
00:50:07,765 --> 00:50:10,700
Ooh. Caramel macchiato. Excellent choice.
1012
00:50:10,702 --> 00:50:12,668
Do you want me in on this?
1013
00:50:12,670 --> 00:50:14,604
Actually, yes. I do want the
restraint of a witness present.
1014
00:50:14,606 --> 00:50:17,005
Hmm, I'd prefer a private sitdown,
1015
00:50:17,007 --> 00:50:19,307
so if you don't mind, Hannah.
1016
00:50:22,713 --> 00:50:24,347
Is he really living with you?
1017
00:50:24,349 --> 00:50:26,782
Yes, he even went grocery shopping.
1018
00:50:28,019 --> 00:50:29,784
He's fucking unbelievable.
1019
00:50:29,786 --> 00:50:32,021
- You want to know what else he's doing?
- No. What?
1020
00:50:32,023 --> 00:50:35,024
Hitting on strange girls,
trying to have sex with them.
1021
00:50:35,026 --> 00:50:36,960
Gross, charmless creatures,
1022
00:50:36,962 --> 00:50:39,663
not even in your evolutionary
strain, let alone your league.
1023
00:50:39,665 --> 00:50:41,330
- No, he isn't.
- Yes, he is!
1024
00:50:41,332 --> 00:50:42,799
Okay, relax.
1025
00:50:42,801 --> 00:50:44,868
We went out last night "muff scouting."
1026
00:50:44,870 --> 00:50:47,569
- His despicable words, not mine.
- Okay, enough.
1027
00:50:47,571 --> 00:50:50,140
Do you really want to stay with this man?
1028
00:50:50,142 --> 00:50:51,741
A man who'd use your infidelity
1029
00:50:51,743 --> 00:50:53,576
- as nothing more than a...
- Okay, will you stop?
1030
00:50:53,578 --> 00:50:55,178
..."wham, bam, ram another
ma'am for free" card?
1031
00:50:55,180 --> 00:50:56,613
Okay, yeah, enough. Out. Out, go.
1032
00:50:56,615 --> 00:50:58,449
Step inside my new kind of love!
1033
00:50:58,451 --> 00:51:00,918
Go! Go home to your boyfriend.
1034
00:51:00,920 --> 00:51:02,987
You need weed very badly.
1035
00:51:02,989 --> 00:51:04,253
Auf Wiedersehen, loser!
1036
00:51:04,255 --> 00:51:07,025
German? I knew it.
1037
00:51:08,962 --> 00:51:11,161
- Where are you going?
- I'm going to see Grady.
1038
00:51:11,163 --> 00:51:13,465
I mean, I screwed this up,
but it's his fault, too.
1039
00:51:13,467 --> 00:51:14,766
No, Morgan...
1040
00:51:14,768 --> 00:51:16,400
He can't act like this, okay?
1041
00:51:16,402 --> 00:51:17,869
He should be fighting for me, for us.
1042
00:51:17,871 --> 00:51:19,804
You would just be wasting your breath.
1043
00:51:19,806 --> 00:51:22,640
He is a brain-damaged ape. They all are.
1044
00:51:22,642 --> 00:51:26,145
As soon as they get a head full of
steam, they're impossible to control.
1045
00:51:26,147 --> 00:51:28,346
So, just let him beat
his chest, wag his dick,
1046
00:51:28,348 --> 00:51:32,384
whatever else he needs to do
to start thinking clearly again.
1047
00:51:32,386 --> 00:51:35,787
He will come crawling back, I promise.
1048
00:51:35,789 --> 00:51:38,991
Now, come on. Worry about you.
1049
00:51:38,993 --> 00:51:40,593
Worry about this pitch.
1050
00:51:43,097 --> 00:51:46,934
- I don't pay you enough, do I?
- No, you don't.
1051
00:51:46,936 --> 00:51:48,602
Let's remember that.
1052
00:52:01,849 --> 00:52:05,052
There he is. You ready for
round two there, slugger?
1053
00:52:05,054 --> 00:52:07,453
It's ladies' night at
a whiskey bar downtown.
1054
00:52:07,455 --> 00:52:10,923
No, no. My head is still
throbbing from last night.
1055
00:52:10,925 --> 00:52:14,595
That's evidence of an excellent
two-fisted outing. Congrats.
1056
00:52:14,597 --> 00:52:17,031
No, I was hoping we could stay in,
1057
00:52:17,033 --> 00:52:20,368
you know, put some ice cubes in the
bong shaft for a nice cool smoke,
1058
00:52:20,370 --> 00:52:23,870
order some Thai, maybe hit up
some Easy Listening on Pandora.
1059
00:52:23,872 --> 00:52:25,472
Come on, buddy, that sounds like
1060
00:52:25,474 --> 00:52:26,774
a fuckin' baby shower in Portland.
1061
00:52:26,776 --> 00:52:28,975
We're not gonna get laid like that.
1062
00:52:28,977 --> 00:52:30,977
Let's get a little pre-party buzz
going before the Uber arrives.
1063
00:52:30,979 --> 00:52:32,980
Listen, I know you're on
vacation and everything,
1064
00:52:32,982 --> 00:52:35,148
but just because I agreed to room with you
1065
00:52:35,150 --> 00:52:38,052
doesn't mean that I also agreed
to a nightly Rat Pack tribute.
1066
00:52:38,054 --> 00:52:40,188
I'm staying in tonight.
1067
00:52:40,190 --> 00:52:41,656
You're gonna do what I say,
1068
00:52:41,658 --> 00:52:43,491
and that is that we're going out.
1069
00:52:43,493 --> 00:52:45,060
You're not the boss of me.
1070
00:52:45,062 --> 00:52:47,429
"stopbullying.gov." Visit it.
1071
00:52:47,431 --> 00:52:48,964
You know what I've got in here?
1072
00:52:48,966 --> 00:52:50,498
The private number of every police chief
1073
00:52:50,500 --> 00:52:51,933
and circuit judge in the county.
1074
00:52:51,935 --> 00:52:53,369
Big whoop.
1075
00:52:53,371 --> 00:52:55,168
How do you think those people would feel
1076
00:52:55,170 --> 00:52:58,573
about your attempt to
blackmail my wife for $15,000?
1077
00:52:59,744 --> 00:53:02,044
Yeah, that's not good for you.
1078
00:53:02,046 --> 00:53:04,178
Here's what's gonna happen.
You're gonna get dressed.
1079
00:53:04,180 --> 00:53:08,950
No hoodies, no sneakers, no
disturbingly tight shorts.
1080
00:53:08,952 --> 00:53:11,787
I want my wingman to look like a real man.
1081
00:53:17,695 --> 00:53:22,766
So I make the mistake
of dressing as sexy Gumby
1082
00:53:22,768 --> 00:53:26,268
to my Halloween office party,
1083
00:53:26,270 --> 00:53:28,504
and I'm hiding in this room
1084
00:53:28,506 --> 00:53:33,977
because my drunk, douchey boss is
always wanting to fuck me and stuff.
1085
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:38,982
So Grady finds me all
upset in the Xerox room,
1086
00:53:38,984 --> 00:53:43,085
and he just gives me
this pep talk, you know?
1087
00:53:43,087 --> 00:53:47,925
Like, about quitting my job,
and about opening my own firm,
1088
00:53:47,927 --> 00:53:52,430
and just fucking getting
life by the balls, you know?
1089
00:53:52,432 --> 00:53:56,934
So, five minutes later, my
fucker boss gooses my ass,
1090
00:53:57,936 --> 00:54:00,939
so I pick up this bowl of hummus,
1091
00:54:00,941 --> 00:54:04,675
and I just smash it over
the fucker's head. Seriously.
1092
00:54:04,677 --> 00:54:07,579
Grady was so great at the police station.
1093
00:54:07,581 --> 00:54:11,415
I mean, he stood by my side, he got me off,
1094
00:54:11,417 --> 00:54:15,288
and then, you know, he got me off.
1095
00:54:17,089 --> 00:54:19,792
And, you know, we've just
been together ever since.
1096
00:54:21,562 --> 00:54:24,497
He asked if you wanted
chicken on your nachos.
1097
00:54:28,701 --> 00:54:30,636
That's not what I heard.
1098
00:54:32,239 --> 00:54:36,108
Oh, Jesus, what is this?
It smells like a dead body.
1099
00:54:36,110 --> 00:54:37,677
- MacCoinnich.
- What?
1100
00:54:37,679 --> 00:54:39,880
Quadruple-distilled. Drink it.
1101
00:54:43,885 --> 00:54:45,851
Oh, my God, it's burning me.
1102
00:54:45,853 --> 00:54:47,353
It's burning everything.
1103
00:54:47,355 --> 00:54:49,456
92% alcohol.
1104
00:54:49,458 --> 00:54:52,458
It's what Scottish priests would
drink whenever they were constipated.
1105
00:54:52,460 --> 00:54:53,994
Here, do another.
1106
00:54:53,996 --> 00:54:55,563
I don't really want to do another one.
1107
00:54:55,565 --> 00:54:57,263
- The second one is better.
- Is it?
1108
00:54:57,265 --> 00:54:58,665
Do it.
1109
00:55:00,736 --> 00:55:02,669
That actually makes me...
1110
00:55:02,671 --> 00:55:04,604
Oh, my God, it's worse.
1111
00:55:04,606 --> 00:55:07,574
Yeah. It's killing all the
tumors in your throat right now.
1112
00:55:11,214 --> 00:55:12,613
- You all right?
- Yeah.
1113
00:55:12,615 --> 00:55:14,982
Come on. Drink another.
1114
00:55:14,984 --> 00:55:16,350
I mean, we're...
1115
00:55:16,352 --> 00:55:18,053
Down the haggis hole.
1116
00:55:21,991 --> 00:55:23,757
Yeah!
1117
00:55:32,536 --> 00:55:34,704
Hey. You wanna talk?
1118
00:55:40,375 --> 00:55:41,776
Who brought a cat?
1119
00:55:47,251 --> 00:55:48,584
How long was I out?
1120
00:55:48,586 --> 00:55:50,519
About an hour.
1121
00:55:50,521 --> 00:55:52,022
Is it midnight yet?
1122
00:55:52,024 --> 00:55:53,522
No, it's 9:30.
1123
00:55:53,524 --> 00:55:55,057
Come on, keep drinking.
1124
00:56:04,801 --> 00:56:06,667
I believe it was Hemingway who once wrote,
1125
00:56:06,669 --> 00:56:08,739
"No man is truly a man till he vomits
1126
00:56:08,741 --> 00:56:11,042
"behind Big Jim's Pancake House."
1127
00:56:20,552 --> 00:56:22,219
Let's go, Grandpa, fuck or fight?
1128
00:56:22,221 --> 00:56:24,386
Those are hurtful words, Jerry.
1129
00:56:24,388 --> 00:56:26,823
You know, I bluffed the DA
when I had your charges dropped,
1130
00:56:27,692 --> 00:56:29,726
but I'm not bluffing today.
1131
00:56:29,728 --> 00:56:31,761
Look at that.
1132
00:56:31,763 --> 00:56:33,564
Hey, wait a second.
1133
00:56:33,566 --> 00:56:35,768
Where the fuck is everybody?
1134
00:56:39,006 --> 00:56:40,504
Stensland.
1135
00:56:40,506 --> 00:56:42,705
She's left him.
1136
00:57:03,629 --> 00:57:04,930
Grady, let me in!
1137
00:57:15,609 --> 00:57:17,009
Grady!
1138
00:57:17,011 --> 00:57:19,812
Let me in! Grady, please let me in!
1139
00:57:21,450 --> 00:57:24,550
I have had more alcohol
than oxygen for a week.
1140
00:57:24,552 --> 00:57:29,622
I can't wait to get home and
slip into my jimmy-jammies.
1141
00:57:29,624 --> 00:57:33,392
Cabbie, Campus and 27th. Step on it.
1142
00:57:33,394 --> 00:57:35,929
What campus? Campus?
1143
00:57:38,367 --> 00:57:41,635
Stensland! Stensland! Stensland!
1144
00:57:41,637 --> 00:57:44,773
Stensland! Stensland! Stensland!
1145
00:57:51,714 --> 00:57:52,913
Stop it!
1146
00:57:52,915 --> 00:57:56,549
I said, shut up, God damn it!
1147
00:57:58,522 --> 00:58:01,522
What's wrong with you people?
1148
00:58:01,524 --> 00:58:05,458
Has the collegiate experience
become so dull in this country
1149
00:58:05,460 --> 00:58:08,295
that causing irreversible
harm to your bodies
1150
00:58:08,297 --> 00:58:12,335
with this binge drinking is
the only way to have a hoot?
1151
00:58:14,403 --> 00:58:16,938
This isn't fun!
1152
00:58:16,940 --> 00:58:19,206
This is sadomasochism!
1153
00:58:19,208 --> 00:58:23,679
Have you never heard of board games?
1154
00:58:23,681 --> 00:58:26,981
Scattergories is a laugh riot!
1155
00:58:26,983 --> 00:58:30,552
Whatever happened to Spin the Bottle
1156
00:58:30,554 --> 00:58:33,223
and kiss-chasing on the green?
1157
00:58:34,625 --> 00:58:36,761
You're all alcoholics.
1158
00:58:37,560 --> 00:58:41,096
You need to attend meetings!
1159
00:58:41,098 --> 00:58:46,368
Well, screw it, I'm making a stand!
1160
00:58:46,370 --> 00:58:51,473
Let's put an end to these
black sabbaths and brain damage!
1161
00:58:51,475 --> 00:58:53,009
Join me and say,
1162
00:58:53,011 --> 00:58:58,351
"We don't have to be
party animals to be cool!"
1163
00:59:07,994 --> 00:59:10,760
Let's make him drink from the hobo's boot!
1164
00:59:10,762 --> 00:59:12,996
Yeah!
1165
00:59:12,998 --> 00:59:16,499
Hobo's boot! Hobo's boot!
1166
00:59:16,501 --> 00:59:19,668
Hobo's boot! Hobo's boot!
1167
00:59:19,670 --> 00:59:21,740
Hobo's boot! Hobo's boot!
1168
00:59:21,742 --> 00:59:23,207
Hobo's boot!
1169
00:59:23,209 --> 00:59:27,778
Hobo's boot! Hobo's boot! Hobo's boot!
1170
00:59:30,283 --> 00:59:32,049
How did that boot taste, buddy?
1171
00:59:32,051 --> 00:59:34,118
Like homelessness in my mouth.
1172
00:59:34,120 --> 00:59:36,254
Why did you make them refill it?
1173
00:59:36,256 --> 00:59:39,490
We didn't have enough camera
coverage for the YouTube video.
1174
00:59:39,492 --> 00:59:41,593
Hey, it was the hit of the
party. You're gonna be a legend.
1175
00:59:41,595 --> 00:59:45,030
Please tell me you found your
"bang strange" lady tonight.
1176
00:59:45,032 --> 00:59:46,665
I didn't, I didn't,
1177
00:59:46,667 --> 00:59:49,302
but Bacardi's is hosting a
pool party tomorrow night.
1178
00:59:49,304 --> 00:59:51,835
There'll be fur-burgers
grilling all night long.
1179
00:59:51,837 --> 00:59:53,538
- Tomorrow?
- Tomorrow night.
1180
00:59:53,540 --> 00:59:55,507
- I don't...
- Come on. Come on, watch your head.
1181
00:59:55,509 --> 00:59:57,909
Watch your head, watch
your head, watch your head.
1182
01:00:13,729 --> 01:00:16,629
You know what? We're going
to take a quick detour.
1183
01:00:16,631 --> 01:00:18,298
Uh...
1184
01:00:18,300 --> 01:00:21,768
When you hit this stop
sign, let's go to the right.
1185
01:00:41,857 --> 01:00:43,759
My tummy hurts.
1186
01:00:45,962 --> 01:00:47,963
Uh, we'd better get going.
1187
01:01:12,122 --> 01:01:13,891
Oh, God!
1188
01:01:19,030 --> 01:01:21,698
Uh, we need to turn around.
1189
01:01:21,700 --> 01:01:23,234
He fell out.
1190
01:01:30,843 --> 01:01:32,810
Where did I come from?
1191
01:01:38,015 --> 01:01:39,281
Thank you.
1192
01:01:52,898 --> 01:01:54,097
Stensland?
1193
01:01:55,702 --> 01:01:57,735
Oh...
1194
01:01:57,737 --> 01:02:00,170
Please don't be mean to me right
now. I'm hanging on by a thread.
1195
01:02:00,172 --> 01:02:02,673
What the hell are you doing here?
1196
01:02:02,675 --> 01:02:04,474
I'm hiding from Grady.
1197
01:02:04,476 --> 01:02:06,677
At Soft Solutions?
1198
01:02:06,679 --> 01:02:08,712
Yeah. It's my favorite place.
1199
01:02:08,714 --> 01:02:11,817
It's clean, comfortable,
the staff are warm-hearted.
1200
01:02:12,553 --> 01:02:13,953
Stensy!
1201
01:02:13,955 --> 01:02:16,957
Hey, Brandon, looking
svelte, hombre.
1202
01:02:18,024 --> 01:02:20,091
They're so nice to me here.
1203
01:02:20,093 --> 01:02:21,926
Oh, God, you're weird.
1204
01:02:21,928 --> 01:02:23,962
Okay, well, I'll leave you to it.
1205
01:02:23,964 --> 01:02:25,696
No, no, no, please don't go.
1206
01:02:25,698 --> 01:02:28,767
Come on. We need to talk.
Let's square our beef.
1207
01:02:28,769 --> 01:02:32,271
Come and check out the "Casual
Refinement" Living Room set, huh?
1208
01:02:32,273 --> 01:02:34,274
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
1209
01:02:39,880 --> 01:02:41,780
There we go.
1210
01:02:41,782 --> 01:02:44,749
Take a deep breath, relax.
1211
01:02:44,751 --> 01:02:48,753
Let the comfort and ambience envelop you.
1212
01:02:48,755 --> 01:02:53,492
So, madam, what brings you
to Soft Solutions today?
1213
01:02:53,494 --> 01:02:57,729
Are you shopping for a
new home or just browsing?
1214
01:02:57,731 --> 01:02:59,531
None of the above.
1215
01:02:59,533 --> 01:03:01,834
Returning a hideous Moroccan
throw rug for Morgan.
1216
01:03:01,836 --> 01:03:04,571
God damn it. I picked that out for her.
1217
01:03:05,374 --> 01:03:06,939
You did?
1218
01:03:07,776 --> 01:03:09,276
You met Morgan here?
1219
01:03:09,278 --> 01:03:12,745
Yeah. In Decor Enrichments.
1220
01:03:12,747 --> 01:03:14,913
God, she was so beautiful.
1221
01:03:14,915 --> 01:03:18,718
I was intimidated, to say
the least, but, I don't know,
1222
01:03:18,720 --> 01:03:23,224
I got brave, we started
talking, and we clicked.
1223
01:03:25,261 --> 01:03:27,296
I just wanted a girlfriend.
1224
01:03:27,797 --> 01:03:29,795
Aw.
1225
01:03:29,797 --> 01:03:33,601
Okay, listen, let me give you
a tip as your search continues.
1226
01:03:33,603 --> 01:03:35,802
Going psycho and blackmailing a woman
1227
01:03:35,804 --> 01:03:38,474
isn't going to change her mind
about your boyfriend potential.
1228
01:03:38,476 --> 01:03:40,443
- That's fair enough.
- Yeah.
1229
01:03:41,576 --> 01:03:43,611
You know she really loves Grady, right?
1230
01:03:45,649 --> 01:03:47,783
Yeah, I know.
1231
01:03:47,785 --> 01:03:50,886
God, I can't wait to get
these people out of my life.
1232
01:03:50,888 --> 01:03:52,821
- Then kick Grady out.
- I can't.
1233
01:03:52,823 --> 01:03:55,591
I'm a blackmailer, remember?
He could have me arrested.
1234
01:03:55,593 --> 01:03:58,127
I'm his Kunta Kinte until
he decides to set me free.
1235
01:03:58,129 --> 01:04:01,129
That's not gonna happen until he
balances the scales with Morgan
1236
01:04:01,131 --> 01:04:03,031
and gets his revenge schtup.
1237
01:04:03,033 --> 01:04:04,700
Okay, so then what are you doing
1238
01:04:04,702 --> 01:04:06,367
to help him on this ridiculous mission?
1239
01:04:06,369 --> 01:04:08,339
Nothing. I hate going out.
1240
01:04:08,341 --> 01:04:10,306
I'm a total curmudgeon.
1241
01:04:10,308 --> 01:04:12,041
And a whiny little bitch.
1242
01:04:12,043 --> 01:04:14,210
I wear pajama tops and
flip flops to nightclubs.
1243
01:04:14,212 --> 01:04:17,045
You have the social skills of
a truck driver with Asperger's.
1244
01:04:17,047 --> 01:04:18,480
I'm a horrible wingman.
1245
01:04:18,482 --> 01:04:20,984
You're like a colossal cockblocker.
1246
01:04:21,786 --> 01:04:23,453
Oh, my God.
1247
01:04:23,455 --> 01:04:25,054
Hannah.
1248
01:04:25,056 --> 01:04:28,190
I'm the reason Grady hasn't
pulled the dick trigger.
1249
01:04:28,192 --> 01:04:30,694
Good God, you're a genius.
1250
01:04:30,696 --> 01:04:34,064
You're just realizing this now?
1251
01:04:34,066 --> 01:04:37,903
Grady? Where are we headed tonight?
1252
01:04:37,905 --> 01:04:40,005
I am parched for hootch!
1253
01:04:40,807 --> 01:04:42,474
Dear Dumbass.
1254
01:04:42,476 --> 01:04:44,374
I have some work to
get done at the office.
1255
01:04:44,376 --> 01:04:45,908
Consider yourself on parole.
1256
01:04:45,910 --> 01:04:48,412
Love, the Motherfucker in Charge.
1257
01:04:50,481 --> 01:04:53,016
Not on my watch, Kemosabe.
1258
01:05:32,394 --> 01:05:35,195
Yeah, looking good, Stensy.
1259
01:05:40,367 --> 01:05:41,767
Keep the change, baby.
1260
01:05:43,003 --> 01:05:44,372
Get yourself something nice.
1261
01:05:47,910 --> 01:05:49,143
What was that?
1262
01:06:19,141 --> 01:06:20,708
It's checking out time.
1263
01:06:20,710 --> 01:06:22,976
What the fuck are you doing here?
1264
01:06:22,978 --> 01:06:25,512
Put that shit away. It's Thursday
night, weekend's already started.
1265
01:06:25,514 --> 01:06:27,682
Jesus Christ, you look like shit.
1266
01:06:27,684 --> 01:06:29,851
Is that my Rocco Richetti pinstripe?
1267
01:06:29,853 --> 01:06:32,486
Yeah. Fits like a condom, right?
1268
01:06:32,488 --> 01:06:34,422
All I'm saying is Ladies' Night
1269
01:06:34,424 --> 01:06:37,024
at the Trinity Club is already in progress.
1270
01:06:37,026 --> 01:06:40,361
Three floors of DJs,
dancing, and binge drinking.
1271
01:06:40,363 --> 01:06:43,198
You take all those ingredients,
put 'em in a muffin pan,
1272
01:06:43,200 --> 01:06:44,767
when they come out of the oven,
1273
01:06:44,769 --> 01:06:46,901
they're hot, sweaty,
and destined for regret.
1274
01:06:46,903 --> 01:06:50,272
Come on. Are we gonna settle
the score with Morgan or what?
1275
01:06:50,274 --> 01:06:53,209
Let's finish what you fuckin' started.
1276
01:06:57,449 --> 01:07:00,083
You know what? You're right.
1277
01:07:00,085 --> 01:07:02,320
Fuck it. Let's do it.
1278
01:07:08,092 --> 01:07:10,927
Who is the ringleader? You're
up! You're up. You're up.
1279
01:07:10,929 --> 01:07:14,730
Who is the ringleader? You're
up! You're up! You're up!
1280
01:07:14,732 --> 01:07:17,334
Who is the ringleader? You're...
1281
01:07:18,770 --> 01:07:21,305
- Wow. You guys live here?
- Yeah.
1282
01:07:21,307 --> 01:07:25,109
We've stripped away all the
snobbery of modern trendy furnishing
1283
01:07:25,111 --> 01:07:29,245
to create a streamlined
hidey-hole of purified partying.
1284
01:07:29,247 --> 01:07:31,149
We call it "beatnik chic."
1285
01:07:31,151 --> 01:07:32,749
- Works for me.
- Cool.
1286
01:07:32,751 --> 01:07:35,252
- Tequila!
- Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
1287
01:07:35,254 --> 01:07:38,055
Fuck. I lasso Doublemint twins for us,
1288
01:07:38,057 --> 01:07:40,191
and you sit here like
a gassy infant? Come on!
1289
01:07:40,193 --> 01:07:42,260
- What the fuck happened to you?
- Burns so good, baby.
1290
01:07:42,262 --> 01:07:44,063
Ai!
Yi-yi-yi-yi!
1291
01:07:44,065 --> 01:07:46,864
- Was that a Middle Eastern war cry?
- That was.
1292
01:07:46,866 --> 01:07:48,400
- Where did that come from?
- I don't know.
1293
01:07:48,402 --> 01:07:50,003
You get up off of your vagina.
1294
01:07:50,005 --> 01:07:51,902
You're embarrassing yourself. Come on.
1295
01:07:51,904 --> 01:07:53,273
Fuck.
1296
01:07:53,275 --> 01:07:54,639
The next one's for you, handsome.
1297
01:07:54,641 --> 01:07:56,241
Remember what we're doing here.
1298
01:07:56,243 --> 01:07:57,675
Thank you.
1299
01:07:57,677 --> 01:07:59,244
Are we too cray-cray for you, Grady?
1300
01:07:59,246 --> 01:08:00,679
Yes.
1301
01:08:00,681 --> 01:08:02,313
You'll have to excuse my friend.
1302
01:08:02,315 --> 01:08:04,516
He gets bashful around beautiful women.
1303
01:08:04,518 --> 01:08:06,185
- Aw!
- Aw!
1304
01:08:06,187 --> 01:08:08,789
- We need music.
- Yes!
1305
01:08:08,791 --> 01:08:11,957
Whoa... Cool! Records,
just like my nana's house.
1306
01:08:11,959 --> 01:08:15,062
The next shots are gonna
come out of my navel, boys.
1307
01:08:15,064 --> 01:08:17,398
- Here, help me up, Stensy.
- Ooh. Yeah.
1308
01:08:18,097 --> 01:08:20,600
I got it. Billy Ocean!
1309
01:08:21,636 --> 01:08:24,071
Oh. Oh, no, no, no.
1310
01:08:24,073 --> 01:08:27,206
You know, I don't think Billy
Ocean is such a good idea.
1311
01:08:27,208 --> 01:08:28,540
Who's Billy Ocean?
1312
01:08:28,542 --> 01:08:30,174
What's your problem with Billy Ocean?
1313
01:08:30,176 --> 01:08:33,546
I... I just react strangely
to his music, okay?
1314
01:08:33,548 --> 01:08:36,015
I just... I just have an
emotional relationship.
1315
01:08:36,017 --> 01:08:39,653
There's a lot of history there,
okay? So, don't put it on.
1316
01:08:39,655 --> 01:08:41,523
Hmm. You hear that, girls?
1317
01:08:41,525 --> 01:08:44,457
Stensland reacts strangely
to Billy Ocean's music.
1318
01:08:44,459 --> 01:08:46,894
No, no, no, elaborate.
1319
01:08:46,896 --> 01:08:49,395
- No, I don't really...
- Come on! Please?
1320
01:08:49,397 --> 01:08:51,131
- No, no, no, because...
- Stensy...
1321
01:08:51,133 --> 01:08:53,100
Fine, fine, okay. It's...
1322
01:08:53,102 --> 01:08:58,239
It's kind of sappy, but,
uh, it's genuine Stensland.
1323
01:08:58,241 --> 01:08:59,841
All right.
1324
01:08:59,843 --> 01:09:02,510
Amber McGinnitty was the prettiest
1325
01:09:02,512 --> 01:09:04,878
12-year-old in the
history of 12-year-olds.
1326
01:09:04,880 --> 01:09:09,950
She loved Billy Ocean, and I
loved her, so I studied him.
1327
01:09:09,952 --> 01:09:15,157
He was everything I wasn't.
Suave, soulful, fashionable, black.
1328
01:09:15,159 --> 01:09:18,327
My mother made me a little
white suit just like Billy's.
1329
01:09:18,329 --> 01:09:23,433
I put it on, locked myself in my
bedroom, and danced to his jams.
1330
01:09:25,437 --> 01:09:28,706
And then I'd cry and feel sorry for myself.
1331
01:09:29,139 --> 01:09:30,239
Oh...
1332
01:09:30,241 --> 01:09:31,841
Aw...
1333
01:09:31,843 --> 01:09:34,509
So, anytime I hear the
sounds of the Ocean now,
1334
01:09:34,511 --> 01:09:38,615
it just puts me in mind
of Amber McGinnitty.
1335
01:09:38,617 --> 01:09:39,848
Well, did you ask her out?
1336
01:09:39,850 --> 01:09:42,417
Yes, to the Tropical Para-dance.
1337
01:09:42,419 --> 01:09:44,355
And she said yes?
1338
01:09:49,060 --> 01:09:50,160
- Oh!
- Oh...
1339
01:09:50,162 --> 01:09:51,995
- Oh...
- Ooh.
1340
01:09:51,997 --> 01:09:54,097
- Oh, Stensy...
- Oh, that's nice.
1341
01:09:54,099 --> 01:09:57,802
Hey. Hey, hey. I would
hug you, too, but, um...
1342
01:09:57,804 --> 01:10:00,405
I've got a beverage in my bellybutton.
1343
01:10:00,407 --> 01:10:02,871
- Come on.
- Come on.
1344
01:10:02,873 --> 01:10:04,407
Um...
1345
01:10:05,310 --> 01:10:06,743
Suck me.
1346
01:10:07,680 --> 01:10:09,682
Do it. Suck her.
1347
01:10:22,227 --> 01:10:23,394
Go, Stensy!
1348
01:10:38,311 --> 01:10:40,779
Yeah, Stensy! Whoo!
1349
01:10:45,384 --> 01:10:46,953
Whoo!
1350
01:10:48,589 --> 01:10:50,957
Whoo!
1351
01:11:33,502 --> 01:11:34,935
Fucking slut.
1352
01:11:36,840 --> 01:11:38,505
What?
1353
01:11:38,507 --> 01:11:42,675
I'm sorry. Samantha is a fucking slut.
1354
01:11:42,677 --> 01:11:45,179
You're nice, Stensland. It's just...
1355
01:11:45,181 --> 01:11:47,782
I kind of had my heart set on Grady,
1356
01:11:47,784 --> 01:11:50,350
and fucking bitch Samantha does it again!
1357
01:11:50,352 --> 01:11:53,321
She just sluts it up so early
that they can't even choose
1358
01:11:53,323 --> 01:11:55,189
when it comes time to pick rooms,
1359
01:11:55,191 --> 01:11:56,424
and then I just always get
stuck with the, you know...
1360
01:11:56,426 --> 01:11:57,993
With the what?
1361
01:11:58,727 --> 01:12:01,027
With the dorky one?
1362
01:12:01,029 --> 01:12:05,867
With the pale and waifish
pity case? The goat boy?
1363
01:12:05,869 --> 01:12:10,440
The sad sack who only watches
programming intended for teen girls?
1364
01:12:15,713 --> 01:12:17,482
I'm sorry.
1365
01:12:21,252 --> 01:12:24,922
Oh, my God! This bathroom is disgusting!
1366
01:12:48,647 --> 01:12:50,078
What?
1367
01:12:50,080 --> 01:12:52,382
Well, I did it last night.
1368
01:12:52,384 --> 01:12:53,917
You did what last night?
1369
01:12:53,919 --> 01:12:57,623
She was young and quite gorgeous.
1370
01:12:58,825 --> 01:13:02,028
So, how's it feel?
1371
01:13:06,732 --> 01:13:08,501
It feels awful.
1372
01:13:10,304 --> 01:13:11,804
Is there anything else?
1373
01:13:13,340 --> 01:13:15,239
No.
1374
01:13:15,241 --> 01:13:18,042
I've got nothing else to say, Morgan.
1375
01:13:19,814 --> 01:13:23,083
Well, then goodbye, Grady.
1376
01:13:23,618 --> 01:13:25,085
Goodbye.
1377
01:13:31,359 --> 01:13:33,058
Oh, hey.
1378
01:13:34,930 --> 01:13:36,963
Sorry about last night.
1379
01:13:38,099 --> 01:13:39,766
Yeah.
1380
01:13:39,768 --> 01:13:41,536
Whatever.
1381
01:14:03,892 --> 01:14:05,558
Hey, Stensland.
1382
01:14:05,560 --> 01:14:07,026
Good morning, Michael.
1383
01:14:10,467 --> 01:14:11,933
- Thank you.
- Okay.
1384
01:14:23,914 --> 01:14:25,913
Excuse me, can you help me?
1385
01:14:25,915 --> 01:14:28,784
I'm sorry, I don't actually work here.
1386
01:14:29,818 --> 01:14:33,288
Are you Billy Ocean?
1387
01:14:33,290 --> 01:14:35,489
Feelin' pretty blue, huh, Stensy?
1388
01:14:35,491 --> 01:14:40,261
Deep blue, Billy. I fucked up, big style.
1389
01:14:40,263 --> 01:14:42,530
You sure did, my pale friend.
1390
01:14:42,532 --> 01:14:48,003
I indulged Grady's penis when it
was his heart that needed a hand.
1391
01:14:48,005 --> 01:14:50,806
Ah, this beach party ain't over, Stensy.
1392
01:14:50,808 --> 01:14:52,374
It runs on island time.
1393
01:14:52,376 --> 01:14:55,209
What's track number six
off of Love Zone?
1394
01:14:55,211 --> 01:14:56,778
Track number six...
1395
01:14:57,782 --> 01:15:00,282
It's Never Too Late To Try.
1396
01:15:00,284 --> 01:15:02,318
Slip on a new pair of boat shoes.
1397
01:15:02,320 --> 01:15:04,353
The world needs your help, Stensy.
1398
01:15:04,355 --> 01:15:05,989
In fact, I need your help right now.
1399
01:15:05,991 --> 01:15:07,857
- You do?
- I do.
1400
01:15:07,859 --> 01:15:11,661
Where can I find me a love
seat impervious to cat pee?
1401
01:15:12,531 --> 01:15:13,995
What?
1402
01:15:13,997 --> 01:15:15,865
Do you know, young man?
1403
01:15:15,867 --> 01:15:18,668
I... Wait, where did your breezy suit go?
1404
01:15:18,670 --> 01:15:20,472
You're not Billy Ocean.
1405
01:15:20,474 --> 01:15:22,438
Breezy suit? Focus, son.
1406
01:15:22,440 --> 01:15:24,575
I'm looking for a love
seat that won't stain
1407
01:15:24,577 --> 01:15:27,712
when my wife's crazy
cat takes a whizz on it.
1408
01:15:28,213 --> 01:15:29,646
Oh.
1409
01:15:29,648 --> 01:15:31,349
Yeah, uh, of course.
1410
01:15:31,351 --> 01:15:33,417
Well, the "Home Sweet Home" collection
1411
01:15:33,419 --> 01:15:36,254
has an optional stain-resistant fabric.
1412
01:15:36,256 --> 01:15:37,454
Excellent.
1413
01:15:37,456 --> 01:15:39,223
Come right this way, sir.
1414
01:15:39,225 --> 01:15:41,857
Now, this textile has the
look and feel of cotton,
1415
01:15:41,859 --> 01:15:44,295
but totally kicks blemishes to the curb.
1416
01:15:44,297 --> 01:15:47,132
Perfect. Does it come in tropical print?
1417
01:15:48,267 --> 01:15:50,667
- Morgan!
- Oh, jeez.
1418
01:15:50,669 --> 01:15:53,438
Did you eat all the Bismarcks? There's
not gonna be enough for the clients.
1419
01:15:53,440 --> 01:15:57,442
I'm sorry. I'm a little
upside down right now.
1420
01:15:57,444 --> 01:16:00,811
Oh, Grady. Grady finally
got his revenge last night.
1421
01:16:00,813 --> 01:16:02,413
He what?
1422
01:16:02,415 --> 01:16:03,515
Oh...
1423
01:16:03,517 --> 01:16:04,983
Yep.
1424
01:16:04,985 --> 01:16:06,784
- Who was it?
- I don't know,
1425
01:16:06,786 --> 01:16:09,788
but up in here, she looks like
Jessica Rabbit, only sexier.
1426
01:16:09,790 --> 01:16:13,459
I'm sorry. You can't be that surprised.
1427
01:16:13,461 --> 01:16:15,461
No, you're right, I'm not.
1428
01:16:15,463 --> 01:16:16,995
Can we look on the bright side?
1429
01:16:16,997 --> 01:16:18,396
We have more donuts?
1430
01:16:18,398 --> 01:16:21,199
No. Now, in Grady's stubborn mind,
1431
01:16:21,201 --> 01:16:23,068
the scales have finally been balanced.
1432
01:16:23,070 --> 01:16:25,203
He's shot his spiteful
wad, and we both know
1433
01:16:25,205 --> 01:16:27,806
what happens to guys
after they blow their load.
1434
01:16:27,808 --> 01:16:29,208
They get real.
1435
01:16:29,210 --> 01:16:31,410
It's too late to get real, Hannah.
1436
01:16:31,412 --> 01:16:35,249
I mean, it is over. It is over
like smoking on planes is over.
1437
01:16:35,251 --> 01:16:37,317
I'm telling you, if he was
to walk in here right now
1438
01:16:37,319 --> 01:16:39,151
and get down on his knees
1439
01:16:39,153 --> 01:16:41,254
with the Hope Diamond, I
would not take him back.
1440
01:16:41,256 --> 01:16:43,356
Fuck him.
1441
01:16:43,358 --> 01:16:48,427
Fuck him and his... His dreamy blue eyes.
1442
01:16:48,429 --> 01:16:51,732
Oh, God, I hope Judy in
Accounting has mini-Snickers.
1443
01:16:57,439 --> 01:17:00,107
Oh, hello there.
1444
01:17:00,109 --> 01:17:04,580
Just wanted to pay you in
advance for the kid's rent.
1445
01:17:04,582 --> 01:17:06,647
Just a couple of months.
1446
01:17:08,583 --> 01:17:10,518
Stensland.
1447
01:17:10,520 --> 01:17:11,920
Thank you.
1448
01:17:18,728 --> 01:17:21,063
- Hey.
- You got a job?
1449
01:17:21,065 --> 01:17:24,100
Yeah, my new grindstone.
1450
01:17:25,401 --> 01:17:27,135
Well, you look sharp.
1451
01:17:27,137 --> 01:17:29,773
- Thanks.
- Congratulations.
1452
01:17:30,607 --> 01:17:32,541
Where are you going?
1453
01:17:32,543 --> 01:17:35,778
Ah, get some work done, then
check into the Four Seasons.
1454
01:17:35,780 --> 01:17:37,380
I tormented you long enough.
1455
01:17:40,884 --> 01:17:43,020
You slept with Samantha, I assume?
1456
01:17:45,958 --> 01:17:49,059
No, I didn't. I couldn't.
1457
01:17:52,063 --> 01:17:54,365
Well, you know,
1458
01:17:55,534 --> 01:17:57,967
the heart pumps blood into the penis,
1459
01:17:57,969 --> 01:17:59,435
but when that heart is broken...
1460
01:17:59,437 --> 01:18:02,570
- Oh, God, give me a break.
- ...the penis...
1461
01:18:02,572 --> 01:18:05,408
My penis wasn't the problem, dumbass.
1462
01:18:05,410 --> 01:18:07,578
And if you're so smart about this stuff,
1463
01:18:07,580 --> 01:18:09,780
why did she fuck around
on me to begin with?
1464
01:18:09,782 --> 01:18:11,714
- With you!
- I don't know.
1465
01:18:11,716 --> 01:18:16,086
Isn't marriage supposedly
harder than pole vaulting?
1466
01:18:16,088 --> 01:18:19,522
My parents lasted for four
years and threw in the sponge.
1467
01:18:19,524 --> 01:18:22,259
You and Morgan prevailed for 15.
1468
01:18:22,261 --> 01:18:24,128
But after 15 years of anything,
1469
01:18:24,130 --> 01:18:27,297
even something good is bound
to fritz a little, right?
1470
01:18:27,299 --> 01:18:30,299
I don't know if it's been good
for a long time, Stensland.
1471
01:18:30,301 --> 01:18:32,704
Whose fault is that, do you think?
1472
01:18:32,706 --> 01:18:35,708
I'm sorry, but why don't you just go home?
1473
01:18:35,710 --> 01:18:37,107
To Morgan.
1474
01:18:37,109 --> 01:18:40,012
You know she's sorry! You are too!
1475
01:18:40,014 --> 01:18:43,080
Because everything has changed, that's why.
1476
01:18:43,082 --> 01:18:45,650
No, look, your love has just been tested.
1477
01:18:45,652 --> 01:18:47,919
Like Aladdin in the Cave of Wonders,
1478
01:18:47,921 --> 01:18:52,156
or when Wonka's golden ticket-holders
got Everlasting Gobstoppers.
1479
01:18:52,158 --> 01:18:54,691
You passed the test, Grady.
1480
01:18:54,693 --> 01:18:56,629
You still love each other!
1481
01:18:56,631 --> 01:18:59,564
Sometimes, you have to
lose somebody completely
1482
01:18:59,566 --> 01:19:03,435
before you can figure out
what they really mean to you.
1483
01:19:03,437 --> 01:19:06,106
Why don't you go and tell her that?
1484
01:19:07,641 --> 01:19:11,576
I appreciate you caring.
It's not that simple.
1485
01:19:11,578 --> 01:19:12,645
Goodbye, Stensland.
1486
01:19:14,048 --> 01:19:16,380
Your butch ego is getting in the way
1487
01:19:16,382 --> 01:19:19,487
of your happiness, you asshole!
1488
01:19:19,489 --> 01:19:21,720
You're really not going to her?
1489
01:19:21,722 --> 01:19:24,359
No, I am not going to her.
1490
01:19:25,027 --> 01:19:30,363
Okay. Well... I am.
1491
01:19:30,365 --> 01:19:33,600
You wanna know why she
cheated on you? The truth?
1492
01:19:33,602 --> 01:19:35,269
It's because of me.
1493
01:19:35,271 --> 01:19:37,505
I'm the romantic and sensitive type of man
1494
01:19:37,507 --> 01:19:39,607
Morgan knows she should've married.
1495
01:19:39,609 --> 01:19:42,542
All I had to do was pay
her one gooey compliment,
1496
01:19:42,544 --> 01:19:45,579
and those waterlogged
panties hit the floor.
1497
01:19:45,581 --> 01:19:46,582
Ker-splash.
1498
01:19:47,517 --> 01:19:49,284
Your wife is the finest piece
1499
01:19:49,286 --> 01:19:51,517
of ass and boobs I've ever tasted,
1500
01:19:51,519 --> 01:19:54,221
and I'm going right back
to her office, right now
1501
01:19:54,223 --> 01:19:56,257
to get me some more!
1502
01:19:56,259 --> 01:19:58,827
Son of a bitch. Stensland!
1503
01:19:58,829 --> 01:20:02,131
My tongue is gonna be in her
vagina so long, it'll pickle!
1504
01:20:02,133 --> 01:20:04,164
I'm gonna make her go...
1505
01:20:06,902 --> 01:20:08,603
All over again!
1506
01:20:08,605 --> 01:20:11,106
Come on. I'm gonna fucking kill you.
1507
01:20:11,108 --> 01:20:12,976
You don't deserve her! I do!
1508
01:20:12,978 --> 01:20:15,643
I'm gonna bury you, dig
you up, and kill you again!
1509
01:20:15,645 --> 01:20:17,212
I'm killing you.
1510
01:20:17,214 --> 01:20:18,982
Hey, girls.
1511
01:20:19,751 --> 01:20:21,649
Sorry.
1512
01:20:21,651 --> 01:20:23,919
- I owe you one.
- No problem, sweetheart.
1513
01:20:23,921 --> 01:20:25,957
Stensland, you little prick!
1514
01:20:26,724 --> 01:20:27,923
Ooh.
1515
01:20:27,925 --> 01:20:29,257
Must be the husband.
1516
01:20:29,259 --> 01:20:31,128
- I guess so.
- Mm-hmm. I'd tap that.
1517
01:20:37,935 --> 01:20:39,336
Not now, Muumuu!
1518
01:20:40,939 --> 01:20:42,372
Stensland!
1519
01:20:46,878 --> 01:20:48,078
Ooh!
1520
01:21:01,561 --> 01:21:04,361
Stay! Stay! Stay!
1521
01:21:04,363 --> 01:21:06,363
Stay! Stay, stay!
1522
01:21:06,365 --> 01:21:09,501
What the... Those are
$2,000 pants, asshole!
1523
01:21:09,503 --> 01:21:11,167
Morgan needs a fresh young buck,
1524
01:21:11,169 --> 01:21:13,237
not a bitter old nelly! Fuck you!
1525
01:21:13,239 --> 01:21:14,607
Son of a bitch.
1526
01:21:18,977 --> 01:21:20,613
What the hell do you want?
1527
01:21:20,615 --> 01:21:22,248
Stensland!
1528
01:21:23,849 --> 01:21:26,386
Hey! Hey!
1529
01:21:26,388 --> 01:21:28,422
Come back here, you little shit!
1530
01:21:35,827 --> 01:21:37,596
Son of a bitch!
1531
01:21:40,767 --> 01:21:42,568
Where the fuck...
1532
01:21:44,005 --> 01:21:45,503
- Counselor?
- Tiny!
1533
01:21:45,505 --> 01:21:47,106
Carrot-top,
half-pants, which way?
1534
01:21:47,108 --> 01:21:49,241
Through the house. Want a knife?
1535
01:21:49,243 --> 01:21:50,976
No, I'm good. Thanks, Tiny.
1536
01:21:50,978 --> 01:21:54,113
Re-draw hearing Tuesday!
Judge's chambers! Don't be late!
1537
01:21:54,115 --> 01:21:56,483
That's my lawyer.
1538
01:22:02,322 --> 01:22:04,789
I'm gonna put my willy in her!
1539
01:22:04,791 --> 01:22:06,224
Son of a bitch!
1540
01:22:09,332 --> 01:22:11,030
Fuck you!
1541
01:22:11,032 --> 01:22:12,598
Die, fucker.
1542
01:22:12,600 --> 01:22:14,368
Taxi! Sorry.
1543
01:22:21,310 --> 01:22:24,079
So, where to, gentlemen?
1544
01:22:28,917 --> 01:22:30,150
Okay.
1545
01:22:33,724 --> 01:22:35,691
- Going up, in her vagina.
- You little bitch.
1546
01:22:38,529 --> 01:22:40,194
So, what impact does traditional
1547
01:22:40,196 --> 01:22:41,996
earned media have in the marketplace?
1548
01:22:41,998 --> 01:22:43,263
Well, I'm going to tell you.
1549
01:22:43,265 --> 01:22:45,800
Oh, shit.
1550
01:22:45,802 --> 01:22:47,302
Call the paramedics!
1551
01:22:49,472 --> 01:22:51,438
Now you're going to get
the ass-kicking you deserve.
1552
01:22:51,440 --> 01:22:53,273
Could you just free my windpipe?
1553
01:22:53,275 --> 01:22:55,476
- No.
- I'm getting an erection.
1554
01:22:55,478 --> 01:22:57,645
Call security, please.
1555
01:22:57,647 --> 01:23:00,217
I'm really sorry, everyone. Um...
1556
01:23:00,816 --> 01:23:03,118
I apologize.
1557
01:23:03,120 --> 01:23:07,690
We are going to have to
reschedule this. I'm so sorry.
1558
01:23:08,560 --> 01:23:10,460
So...
1559
01:23:10,462 --> 01:23:13,498
Okay, folks. I'll call you
tomorrow to reschedule. Thank you.
1560
01:23:15,366 --> 01:23:18,503
- Sorry.
- The pitch was blown anyway.
1561
01:23:20,205 --> 01:23:21,872
Thank you. Grady.
1562
01:23:22,808 --> 01:23:25,309
Hannah.
1563
01:23:25,311 --> 01:23:28,378
Four weeks, I've been
working on that presentation.
1564
01:23:28,380 --> 01:23:31,782
Morgan, he's come to apologize.
1565
01:23:31,784 --> 01:23:35,318
- Wait, hang on.
- Yes, you did, Grady.
1566
01:23:37,322 --> 01:23:39,221
Morgan,
1567
01:23:39,223 --> 01:23:40,856
you should've seen how he reacted
1568
01:23:40,858 --> 01:23:43,959
when I told him I was coming
here to fuck you again.
1569
01:23:43,961 --> 01:23:48,400
He was transformed into
a violent love werewolf.
1570
01:23:48,402 --> 01:23:51,303
Cursed not by the bite
of another love wolf,
1571
01:23:51,305 --> 01:23:57,508
but by his ferocious, undying
love for you, his luminous bride.
1572
01:23:57,510 --> 01:24:00,177
This romance has teeth, people.
1573
01:24:00,179 --> 01:24:04,882
Your saga puts me in mind of
Napoleon and Josephine in many ways.
1574
01:24:05,919 --> 01:24:07,719
- Despite adultery and...
- Stensland.
1575
01:24:07,721 --> 01:24:09,556
Yeah? Oh.
1576
01:24:15,895 --> 01:24:17,563
Come on, Grady.
1577
01:24:22,971 --> 01:24:24,937
We wouldn't have burst in like this
1578
01:24:24,939 --> 01:24:27,539
if I'd known that, you
know, the pitch was today.
1579
01:24:27,541 --> 01:24:30,008
Oh, but how would you have
known about this pitch?
1580
01:24:30,010 --> 01:24:31,511
It didn't involve you.
1581
01:24:32,378 --> 01:24:34,179
It doesn't matter.
1582
01:24:34,181 --> 01:24:36,250
Hannah's right. It was
screwed from the beginning.
1583
01:24:36,717 --> 01:24:38,117
Really?
1584
01:24:38,119 --> 01:24:40,319
But you're the best
PowerPoint player in the game.
1585
01:24:40,321 --> 01:24:41,822
Yeah, well, you know what?
1586
01:24:41,824 --> 01:24:43,455
Not on the day that my husband calls me
1587
01:24:43,457 --> 01:24:44,624
to tell me he screwed someone else.
1588
01:24:46,328 --> 01:24:47,527
Right.
1589
01:24:48,564 --> 01:24:50,197
He's gonna fuck this up.
1590
01:24:50,199 --> 01:24:51,764
No, he won't.
1591
01:24:51,766 --> 01:24:54,199
Come on, Grady, give her the straight shit.
1592
01:24:54,201 --> 01:24:56,237
Listen, Morgan, I, uh...
1593
01:24:57,472 --> 01:24:59,472
I lied about that.
1594
01:24:59,474 --> 01:25:02,042
I didn't sleep with anybody.
1595
01:25:02,044 --> 01:25:04,679
I tried, but I didn't.
1596
01:25:05,246 --> 01:25:06,680
Why not?
1597
01:25:06,682 --> 01:25:09,684
Because I couldn't stop thinking about you.
1598
01:25:11,219 --> 01:25:12,719
And about us.
1599
01:25:14,156 --> 01:25:15,556
That's good.
1600
01:25:17,959 --> 01:25:21,229
I owe you an apology, and I get that now.
1601
01:25:21,231 --> 01:25:22,964
Grady, what do you get?
1602
01:25:22,966 --> 01:25:26,500
That I'm the one that
screwed up our marriage.
1603
01:25:26,502 --> 01:25:30,872
I neglected you, and I abandoned us.
1604
01:25:30,874 --> 01:25:34,375
And your firm took off,
and my career took off...
1605
01:25:34,377 --> 01:25:38,113
I tried. I was trying so hard, Grady.
1606
01:25:38,115 --> 01:25:39,681
I know you did.
1607
01:25:39,683 --> 01:25:43,318
I saw it. But I was stupid, and I was lazy,
1608
01:25:43,320 --> 01:25:47,688
and I took you, the only woman
I've ever been in love with,
1609
01:25:47,690 --> 01:25:51,227
I took you for granted, just like a...
1610
01:25:51,229 --> 01:25:53,030
An asshole.
1611
01:25:54,297 --> 01:25:55,831
And I'm sorry, Morgan.
1612
01:25:57,135 --> 01:26:00,268
But assholes can learn.
1613
01:26:00,270 --> 01:26:04,974
And I think, in a positive
way, our love has been tested.
1614
01:26:04,976 --> 01:26:10,112
Not unlike Aladdin in the Thunder Cave,
1615
01:26:10,114 --> 01:26:15,553
or even Willy Wonka when
he was giving food away
1616
01:26:15,555 --> 01:26:17,586
- to the homeless.
- What?
1617
01:26:17,588 --> 01:26:19,855
He's getting Wonka all wrong.
1618
01:26:22,659 --> 01:26:25,962
Oh, Grady. I'm sorry, too.
1619
01:26:29,601 --> 01:26:31,969
Look, I do know one thing.
1620
01:26:31,971 --> 01:26:35,939
Sometimes you have to
completely lose somebody
1621
01:26:35,941 --> 01:26:39,509
before you can really
appreciate what they mean to you.
1622
01:26:42,882 --> 01:26:45,716
Fucker.
1623
01:26:45,718 --> 01:26:48,586
- I'm almost impressed right now.
- Oh, don't be.
1624
01:26:48,588 --> 01:26:50,688
Grady subconsciously knew what I was doing.
1625
01:26:50,690 --> 01:26:52,323
- You think?
- Yeah.
1626
01:26:52,325 --> 01:26:54,761
He's too mule-headed to
come see her on his own,
1627
01:26:54,763 --> 01:26:56,794
so I just gave him an
excuse rooted in an emotion
1628
01:26:56,796 --> 01:27:00,333
he's comfortable expressing.
Blind, vengeful fury.
1629
01:27:00,335 --> 01:27:02,400
Hmm.
1630
01:27:02,402 --> 01:27:05,003
On second thought, that is pretty
impressive. Admire me accordingly.
1631
01:27:11,177 --> 01:27:14,947
Well, as Mary Poppins and a
paraphrased Jesus once said,
1632
01:27:16,183 --> 01:27:17,850
"My work here is done."
1633
01:27:19,354 --> 01:27:20,821
Goodbye, Hannah.
1634
01:27:21,956 --> 01:27:22,955
Bye.
1635
01:27:22,957 --> 01:27:25,058
- You're welcome.
- What?
1636
01:27:35,371 --> 01:27:36,869
Hey!
1637
01:27:36,871 --> 01:27:37,770
Oh.
1638
01:27:37,772 --> 01:27:39,905
We wanted to thank him.
1639
01:27:39,907 --> 01:27:41,839
Yeah, well, it'll have to wait.
1640
01:27:41,841 --> 01:27:46,112
He's on to his next adventure. Or whatever.
1641
01:27:46,114 --> 01:27:50,918
He seems different
somehow. Like, I don't know.
1642
01:27:50,920 --> 01:27:53,487
Like a big, beautiful condor
1643
01:27:53,489 --> 01:27:57,457
that people will respect and fear.
1644
01:27:57,459 --> 01:28:01,661
"I can't believe that used
to be Stensland," they'll say.
1645
01:28:01,663 --> 01:28:04,899
"I can't believe that
used to be Stensland."
1646
01:28:08,278 --> 01:28:13,278
1647
01:32:56,706 --> 01:32:57,873
That is delightful and witty.
1648
01:32:57,875 --> 01:32:59,475
I know.