1
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A COMEDY SPECIAL FROM NETFLIX

2
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Okay, thanks.

3
00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:29,071
Thank you very much.
How are you?

4
00:00:30,072 --> 00:00:31,281
How are you?

5
00:00:33,659 --> 00:00:35,369
Thank you very much.

6
00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:37,871
It's a good thing to be here.

7
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Good to be here. Thanks.

8
00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:43,168
I appreciate it.
Let's wait and see if I'm funny.

9
00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:47,673
Let's wait and see if I'm funny.
It's good to be here in Nashville.

10
00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:51,885
Look at me.
I bought a cowboy shirt. Does not?

11
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So I fit in with you,
has entered the farms.

12
00:00:57,432 --> 00:01:00,644
You are living out there in the beds.
Is that what you do?

13
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I say:
"I'm working on an app, okay?"

14
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"To a website."

15
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Pis. It's a sick time.

16
00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:16,159
It's strange to make a special
just before a presidential election,

17
00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:17,744
especially this.

18
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That's exactly what will happen.

19
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How the hell did we end up with the two?
My Goodness.

20
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It's like the first week
in <i> American Idol.</i>

21
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"Really? Is that what I get?"

22
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"Take his coat!"

23
00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:39,141
What the hell is she doing?
Does not?

24
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It's incredible. We either get
a racist fool or devil.

25
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That's the choice.

26
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"I only pardon her!
I am committing her!"

27
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Okay.

28
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:57,743
Is that what you do?

29
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Skid crazy. "I'm building a wall." I'm building a wall. "

30
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:07,294
People think he will do it.
Really? Will you do it?

31
00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:11,590
Building a wall from California California
to Texas? Will you do it?

32
00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:13,634
Have you driven this trip?

33
00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:19,097
I have that.
I took Highway 10 from Los Angeles.

34
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It takes two days, with 128 km / h.

35
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Mur, wall, wall.

36
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You are sitting there like John Goodman
in <i> Arizona Junior.</i>

37
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Runs off.

38
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How many trips to Home Depot
require it to build it?

39
00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:42,079
Do you really think that will happen?

40
00:02:42,746 --> 00:02:45,707
Look at the Freedom Tower,
that we actually wanted.

41
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It took almost 15 years to build it.

42
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Half of the population
do not want the dirty thing.

43
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When it's done, the US is so fucked up, we'll climb it over.

44
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"Makes a lot of sugar!"

45
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:06,186
"They have real sugar in their coke!"

46
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"I've heard that over there is a taste of Orange Crush like in 1978."

47
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Do you remember the two-year period,
where it tasted good?

48
00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:18,698
Yes. So there is him and there is Hillary.

49
00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:22,411
Hillary is successful.
She's just hugely successful.

50
00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:26,540
Everyone thinks... She's dressing
as a real estate agent.

51
00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:28,500
Not? There is nothing to worry about.

52
00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:32,587
She is successful.
She will give them the war,

53
00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:36,299
She wants to microchip the babies,
phase out cash.

54
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:40,178
She will not do it,
but steer it in that direction.

55
00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:43,181
Privatize water.
Water is not a human right.

56
00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:44,266
She wants...

57
00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:49,521
Review the whole bath
in a psychopathic way as you do

58
00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:51,314


59
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:54,985
You put it all in
in a small box, all of a kind of evil,

60
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while sitting there and smiling,
and totally agree what happens.

61
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:04,786
Talking to Joe Sixpack.
He takes a pants at a time.

62
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,915
It's so crazy...

63
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:12,878
It's unreal. I do not know.

64
00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:15,714
These are the two worst choices ever.

65
00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:19,009
If Trump was not so skideracistic...

66
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:22,512
If he was not so racist.
I can handle his kisses.

67
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,556
It's not in my world.

68
00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:28,143
I am selfish,
like all other voters.

69
00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:33,565
If he was not so racist,
he would scare me less  because he is obviously a fool.

70
00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:35,817
He is so stupid,
he can not get away with anything.

71
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Do you know what he reminds me of?
When you see <i> In the name of the law,</i>

72
00:04:38,487 --> 00:04:41,281
and they hold one within
the first quarter,

73
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and they try to make you think:
"We got him!"

74
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You look at the clock.
"It is impossible that he did."

75
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"There are 45 minutes left."

76
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,336
"It can not be him.
Who is the guilty person?"

77
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,964


78
00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:02,302
It's there,
Ski Hillary is coming.

79
00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:05,806
She goes to Bilderberg meetings,

80
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:09,601
where they dress like pheasants
and knock each other.

81
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Covers a Employee from Best Buy.

82
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:17,567
Reverting his name badge to a trophy.

83
00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:22,697
Who to vote for?
I have no idea.

84
00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:24,324
So I've pulled myself.

85
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:27,244
I can not handle this piss.
I just want to pause.

86
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:30,372
I do not want this choice,
so I have drawn

87
00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:34,209


88
00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:38,547
And see the stupid shit,
I've been able to.

89
00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:41,591
They all have these empty stories.

90
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:43,635
"You love him. He is your best friend.

91
00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:48,306
But have you considered what your
dog is doing when you're not home?"

92
00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:51,434
"The next video
may surprise you."

93
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:55,397
I'm just... "Fill it up!
Fill my brain with that stupid shit!  I do not care,
what's going on."

94
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,941
"Nationwide Heroinepidemia?
Fuck It!"

95
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:01,528
"It's national tacodag.
We have Tony's visit from Tony's Taco.

96
00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:06,700
Tony, what's that ich characterizes a good taco?"

97
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:10,120
"It's about
to begin with the tortilla."

98
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:13,123


99
00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:17,002
You see them make pancakes
and such a piss.

100
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:21,756
They talk to women about
body problems. They always do that.

101
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:24,718
The stupidest thing is,
when they talk about Hollywood.

102
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:29,306
"Hollywood, they create these
impossible body images. Bla-bla-bla."

103
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:33,268
The whole thing.
Plus-size actress.

104
00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:37,188
They are cool. Does not? It's a big thing.

105
00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:41,443
They are tired of being treated
as obese. I do not know what it is.

106
00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:44,821
They are on the front of the leaves and show, how fat they are.

107
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With a little bit of clothing,
and everyone encourages them.

108
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"Oh, God. It's so brave!

109
00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:52,704
It's so brave! "

110
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I do not say it does not require
nosses, but it's a little exaggerated

111
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to use the word" brave, "not?

112
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What should I do if I see
a fireman ran out of a building

113
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with a baby and an old woman?

114
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,678
I would say: "Oh, God!

115
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,805
You are reminded of a fat actress,

116
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It takes off the fire because she has to be in a magazine

117
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:16,394
to promote his new movie. "

118
00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:25,278
I know you should not
laugh with fete. I understand it well.

119
00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:26,780
But I do not understand why.

120
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:32,118
Why? They are not a race
or a religion.

121
00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:33,662
It's easy to cure.

122
00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:37,457
Eat an apple and go for a walk.

123
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:40,794
Why are you screaming by everyone else?

124
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:45,924
Why are you scolding me?
You got the cakes in your stomach!

125
00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:47,008
It was not me!

126
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,511
Why is that my problem?

127
00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:55,016
You entered your way,
you can get your way out.

128
00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:58,979
Okay? And slowly start
to lose a few pounds.

129
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Bring some slick salad in there instead
for a whole packet of chocolate bowl.

130
00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:07,529
Then the kilo smokes and you will be on my side of the fence.

131
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:09,155
Come join it with me.

132
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:11,866
Shame! Shame!

133
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:13,742
Not?

134
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:21,084
One should not shame. One should
not fat-shame or luder-shame.

135
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:23,211
The shamer shame.

136
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:26,131
You must not feel any shame.

137
00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:29,718
It's a legitimate human feeling,
that one should not feel.

138
00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:32,345
You just have to go around
as another dictator.

139
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:34,389
Have you never felt ashamed?

140
00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:37,976
So bad one evening that
the next morning when you woke up

141
00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:41,521
Could not you see yourself in the mirror?
You looked up while brushing your teeth.

142
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:45,275
"Your shit shit. Wow! Wow!

143
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,277
Even for you, it's bad.

144
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:52,741
The light turned off, the curtains pulled for
till at. 14 before I can look at you

145
00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:54,743


146
00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:58,163
You're gonna lose a pussy!

147
00:08:58,246 --> 00:08:59,539
You must not feel ashamed.

148
00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:03,460
It's the new world.

149
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:08,089
You walk around and lick dick,
eat cakes,

150
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:10,425
and nobody has to say anything?
None must have an opinion?

151
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:18,183
It will soon run off the track.

152
00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:20,727
It's probably bad to do it, but
you can only feel so much sympathy.

153
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:24,022
There are limits to
how much you can feel something for.

154
00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:27,650
Amazing people, but some of the things
I saw, I will never forget.

155
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:32,614
I appeared in India and saw a little child
ski between two parked cars,

156
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:37,660
Go away without pants or parents,
and disappear in the crowd,

157
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:41,081
like Hannibal Lecter
at the end of the <i> Eyes of Eyes.</i>

158
00:09:42,457 --> 00:09:46,377
It's one of the most sad things
I've ever seen.

159
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,797
Then I will return to my country.

160
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:53,176
"The study says I'll lose
seven kilograms to get a role in a movie."

161
00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:55,512
Start running your fat pig!

162
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:57,889
Is this your life's biggest problem?

163
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:04,813
Do you know what the problem is with these
thick bags? Do you know what the problem is?

164
00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:08,817
They have no respect for,
what to sacrifice

165
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:13,822
and how much effort it takes
to get in ublattform, like...

166
00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:15,323
Have you tried to get a sixpack?

167
00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:18,618
Have you tried to get a sixpack?
Have you tried?

168
00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:20,161
It's impossible to power them!

169
00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:24,916
If you're over 19,
it's impossible without lots of help.

170
00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:28,211
You have to buy training bands,
read about nutrition,

171
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:31,172
Get a personal trainer
that makes you run around.

172
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,341
You need your own chef.

173
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:36,719
"Okay, do not eat it yet. Okay,
eat it now. Start eating it.

174
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:40,181
Okay, stop. Slow down.
Stop. Spice it out! Spray it!"

175
00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:42,350
"I asked you to quit!

176
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:45,228
Up on the crosstrainer with you!
Tasted the sprouts well?

177
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:47,814
Did you like it?
Now you pay for it!"

178
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,608
It's a depressing experience.

179
00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:53,945
You walk around,
while your body is eating itself.

180
00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:57,824
"Do you want some cake?"
"No, I'm taking some salad."

181
00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:01,661
"Balsamic decoration next to.
No croutons."

182
00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:06,249
"Oh, god! When is the photo shoot?
I just want to die!"

183
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:08,293
It's terrible.

184
00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:11,087
Have you tried to get fat?

185
00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:13,298
No.

186
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:16,301
You do not need it.
It does not require an effort.

187
00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:21,347
You can just lie on your back
and see his favorite program

188
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:23,933


189
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:27,270
while shaking a shit in the head.

190
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:30,607
"What are you doing?"
"I'm getting mad."

191
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:35,695
"Do you have a coach?"
"Not necessary. Naturally."

192
00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:37,739
"I only eat things that get
my blood sugar to say:" Yes! "

193
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:41,409
" Yes! "

194
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:46,122
" It comes by itself,
a nice dell. "

195
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:48,583
But do not tell me,
that's my problem,

196
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,418
and that I have to do myself.

197
00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:52,378
No. You are overweight, okay?

198
00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:54,297
There are many things that can help you.

199
00:11:55,006 --> 00:11:58,593
Everyone has some problem.
I have a crazy temper.

200
00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:01,179
I'm going to relate to that.
I shall.

201
00:12:01,262 --> 00:12:03,681
You can not stop
to eat chops.

202
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:07,560
You must relate to. I do not need to change myself.

203
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:11,689
There are only six more,

204
00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:14,609
who are sure that they are not
being treated as a tier.

205
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:20,114
You have to realize what you are.
You are a sexist. I'm sorry, okay?

206
00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:23,326
No one shreds it to a sex.
That's just how it is.

207
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:25,912
Unless you are coworkers.

208
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:28,331
If you are coworkers,
she has that dress,

209
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,083
just doing something for you.

210
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:35,004
The office is cramped so you know
how her shampoo smells.

211
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:38,549
There is an intimacy there.
Not true?

212
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:45,264
I do not know what women
masturbate to, but it's not me.

213
00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:47,642
Okay? It's a fantasy.

214
00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:50,436
And therefore I do not
badly offend them.

215
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:53,982
It comes from...
I'm a strong femmer.

216
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:58,027
I still go after women
higher up on the scale.

217
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,905
I'm a bald redhead man.

218
00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:05,201
Do not you think there is a glass ceiling in relation to the roles I can get in Hollywood?

219
00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:09,998
Really? Do you really think I get
the lead in a romantic comedy?

220
00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:13,710
It will not happen, even if I chose the actors.

221
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,253
I will make money on it.

222
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,965
It is show business.

223
00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:22,301
The movie costs a million.
We would rather serve something on it.

224
00:13:22,385 --> 00:13:25,054
Do you want to meet
with curves on your cheeks?

225
00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:30,935
Be in shape and look as tricky as possible and know your replies.

226
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:33,896
Ready to work.
It's a pro, not?

227
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:40,278
Ben Stiller had a sixpack
in <i> Meet The Parents!</i>

228
00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:42,196
There was no reason for that.

229
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,866
He just knew:
"I'm gonna take my skirt t-shirt.

230
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:46,409
No one's gonna make fun of me."

231
00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:48,411
He was muscular.

232
00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:51,539
Become a skinny postman.

233
00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:53,374
I do not know what to say.

234
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:57,420
They are just incoherent thoughts

235
00:13:57,503 --> 00:14:00,339
from one,
that plays the last nine holes of life.

236
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:04,844
I do not understand half
of the piss that takes place.

237
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:07,346
One of the things that made me feel old

238
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:09,807
Was when McDonald's started
to sell salads.

239
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:14,312
It broke my heart out.
"What do they do?"

240
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:18,399
Now they have wraps and everything possible.

241
00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:21,486
Do you know what it was?
People who were out of shape complained.

242
00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:25,198
"You do not have any healthy choices."
It's McDonald's!

243
00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:29,869
It's married! Who the hell comes here to get in shape?

244
00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:34,207
When I go to McDonald's,
I have a plan.

245
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:36,918
At my age, 48 years old,
I know what I want to order.

246
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:39,128
I'm going in there.
It will taste amazing.

247
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,881
Twenty minutes later
I will kill myself.

248
00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:44,884
Then I say:
"I'm going to the fitness center tomorrow."

249
00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:48,012
No matter how much I say,
I have woken my inner demon.

250
00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:51,724
I woke up the demon, and all the fat
swims through my veins.

251
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:54,936
No matter how much I want to go to the
fitness center, say a voice:

252
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:57,939
"Go there and eat an Egg McMuffin."

253
00:14:58,022 --> 00:15:00,274
I set up as
the manchurian candidate.

254
00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:04,904
"Okay, we're going to McDonald's."
My in-shape vote omme says:

255
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:07,365
"No! What are we doing ?!
Go to the fitness center!"

256
00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:08,449
I just want to...

257
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:11,452
I want to go straight there.

258
00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:13,830
I know what it is.

259
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:19,919
But people out of shape,
now think it's their fault.

260
00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:22,880
They should have healthy things, because it is their fault, we are fat.

261
00:15:22,964 --> 00:15:24,215
Why should they do it?

262
00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:28,344
Why should Ben & Jerry's not
come in the icecream? Why?

263
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:32,390
"Because they are a couple of hippies, man. They make ice cream."

264
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,934
They are after big, bad McDonald's.

265
00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:38,020
Who the hell goes on McDonald's
to get in shape?

266
00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:42,358
Do not worry,
that it is expensive to eat healthy.

267
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:46,195
It is not. Go to the supermarket.
They throw vegetables in your neck.

268
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,739
"Here's some celery.
Get it out of here!

269
00:15:48,823 --> 00:15:51,784
70 cents! 25 cents for a banana!

270
00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:55,663
You just get! Get it from here...
until it gets bad!"

271
00:15:57,999 --> 00:16:00,751
It's sick.
They have convinced them about...

272
00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:04,547
"McDonald's is the reason I'm not in shape."

273
00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:07,341
"I would have taken a salad,

274
00:16:07,425 --> 00:16:08,885
but I could not get that

275
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:12,388
so I thought:
" Okay, I'll take 52 Big Macs. "

276
00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:15,558
" Thank you, McDonald's! "

277
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:19,896
You are an adult. It's not their job
to babysit you. They are a business.

278
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,190
If you order 50 burgers,
they give you them.

279
00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:26,611
It's your job not to do it,
your big fool. Does not?

280
00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:28,988
I know well. Pardon.

281
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:31,157
I know well.

282
00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:35,286
Yes.

283
00:16:36,037 --> 00:16:39,415
McDonald's...
McDonald's exists for two reasons.

284
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,751
For the sake of full and children.

285
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,295
That's how it is.

286
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:47,298
You are in the car,
the children will not shut up,

287
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:48,841
so you drive past McDriven.

288
00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:53,763
I buy a pair of poison burgers
and force them into the throat of them.

289
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:56,390
Their little bodies can not handle it.
They begin...

290
00:16:58,559 --> 00:16:59,977
They die over.

291
00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:06,317
You are bigger.
You can do more poison.

292
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,779
You put Def Leppard on
and enjoy the moment.

293
00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:11,989
Yes.

294
00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:16,827
That's what McDonald's is for.
Your children and fulder.

295
00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:20,498
How many times have you driven to a bar and said, "I only take one."

296
00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:25,419
Suddenly have you been drinking 11, not?
You are stiff and think...

297
00:17:25,503 --> 00:17:29,048
But you are responsible.
You are full, but responsible.

298
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:31,300
"I drove my car here tonight."

299
00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:35,221
"I'm driving that fandeme home too."
Okay?

300
00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:41,352
I do not want to charge this company
by jamming a p-place

301
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:45,523
on this completely empty parking space
in the next six hours.

302
00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:51,988
I do not recommend driving a drive,
but there's nothing better...

303
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,824
When all your friends
and family know you're stabbing

304
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:58,494


305
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:03,374
There is nothing better than the walk to the car.
It's incredible.

306
00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:05,334
People scream and flee in your clothes.
It's as if you're in the Beatles.

307
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:09,088
"Oh, God! No! Stop him!"

308
00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:12,091
You say: "No autographs.
Sorry. I'll go.

309
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:17,555
Then you get into the car
and everyone screams.

310
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:19,432
"Get into the skid car!

311
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:21,809
Do not worry!
I've had the car for eight years.

312
00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:24,687
I can almost see my house.
Just get into the skid car."

313
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,107
"You get the police to come!"
"Get into the skid car.

314
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,776
I swear by God,
Just step into the skid car."

315
00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:34,697
"Take off the seat belt,
your skidding string.

316
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:37,658
I'm just going down the street."

317
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:40,119
What happens then?

318
00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:44,040
You drive away and realize that
is even more rigid than you thought.

319
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:50,254
Who has always been there for you?
McDrive. That's open 24 hours a day.

320
00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:54,175
You can just drive in and hide from the eyes of everyone.

321
00:18:54,675 --> 00:19:01,349
The little pathetic traffic lake
of signs and people going to Comic-Con.

322
00:19:01,432 --> 00:19:02,516
You will be driving...

323
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:06,187
and stops.
So you can take a little nap.

324
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:11,525
It's like...
"Thanks! Thank you!"

325
00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:16,030
You are driving to the window.
That's what it's about.

326
00:19:16,113 --> 00:19:20,159
But now it's suddenly their fault,
that the United States is out of shape.

327
00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:24,038
People have eaten McDonald's all my life.
But they were not as fat as now.

328
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:27,541
It's not their fault.
McDonald's fucked up.

329
00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:30,544
They fucked up because they gave
after people who are not in shape.

330
00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:33,464
They said: "Fine! Our fault." We begin to sell salads. "

331
00:19:33,547 --> 00:19:34,924
They started giving up.

332
00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:37,301
They started giving up.
Everyone felt it.

333
00:19:37,385 --> 00:19:38,511
View them now.

334
00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:41,931
It has been four to five years, and now they have to
serve breakfast all day.

335
00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:43,432
Not true?

336
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:46,602
Do you know what happened?
All the rocks said:

337
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:49,230
"Hey, man,
if he can get a salad...

338
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,400
What if I want
a breakfast,

339
00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:54,610
and it's not breakfast?

340
00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:57,905
He gets what he wants,
but not me? It is...

341
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:02,576
It's mad racism, man.
I do not understand. "

342
00:20:03,077 --> 00:20:05,329
" Nice!
We start making breakfast. "

343
00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:07,248
It's completely driven by them.

344
00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:11,836
If I was at the head of the company
I know what I would do.

345
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:13,713
I would bring the clown back.

346
00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:14,797
Okay?

347
00:20:16,132 --> 00:20:17,675
I would bring the clown back

348
00:20:17,758 --> 00:20:23,597
and make it look straight into the camera,
with a bit of dry ice in the background.

349
00:20:23,681 --> 00:20:25,808
One zooms completely on his face.

350
00:20:26,976 --> 00:20:28,477
= Han looks into the camera and says:

351
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:29,562
"Listen...

352
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,231
If you can not get your fat ass here...

353
00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:34,650
before kl. 10:30...

354
00:20:35,776 --> 00:20:37,153
So be prepared with a burger.

355
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:39,321
Okay? "

356
00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:44,660
No. No.

357
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:46,704
Clown is not done!

358
00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:53,377
" I do not make pancakes
at three in the afternoon,

359
00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:55,588
Because you sniffed coke all night,

360
00:20:55,671 --> 00:20:58,299
and just getting normal again.

361
00:20:58,382 --> 00:21:02,261
Remember, this is a burgerjoint.
It has always been.

362
00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:05,931
We introduced the breakfast stew
as a service. To shake the IHOP.

363
00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:08,809
Oh, we do it too!
We'll do it too!

364
00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:13,439
Your own mother would not make
pancakes for you at. 15.

365
00:21:14,482 --> 00:21:17,818
Get your fat ass, or your crooked ass,
here before 10:30.

366
00:21:17,902 --> 00:21:21,155
We decide. It is our place.
We decide what the hell we're doing. "

367
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:22,615
Such.

368
00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:25,785
With him,
then he pushes a child on a swing.

369
00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:27,495
Something sweet.

370
00:21:29,205 --> 00:21:30,331
Then...

371
00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:34,794
When this special will be sent,
will presidential election have taken place.

372
00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:35,878
It's just...

373
00:21:37,087 --> 00:21:40,841
Know who we chose.
They will not talk about anything.

374
00:21:40,925 --> 00:21:44,053
The seas die. They say
that Great Barrier Reef is dead.

375
00:21:44,678 --> 00:21:46,889
There are genetically modified foods.

376
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:50,935
There are too many people
that shit out.

377
00:21:51,018 --> 00:21:52,311
Not?

378
00:21:52,394 --> 00:21:55,648
Bruce must put a shit.
Where should he go?

379
00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:58,651
Which toilet should he use?
I'm sad.

380
00:21:58,734 --> 00:22:03,614
He's rich enough to have
a rickshaw toilet running behind him.

381
00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:09,036
How should we eliminate...

382
00:22:11,705 --> 00:22:13,749
a few billion people?

383
00:22:16,460 --> 00:22:18,087
Do you ever think about that piss?

384
00:22:19,463 --> 00:22:23,259
They never talk to us about it.
But they talk about it behind closed doors.

385
00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:28,222
Some clumsy guys,
are sitting around a huge table.

386
00:22:28,847 --> 00:22:31,016
They are probably talking about it.

387
00:22:31,100 --> 00:22:32,434
They sit down.

388
00:22:33,018 --> 00:22:34,812
"I assume everyone has enjoyed themselves."

389
00:22:39,316 --> 00:22:41,360
"Let's get on the assignment."

390
00:22:43,862 --> 00:22:50,160
"There are more than 7.5 billion in the world. We run out of fresh water.

391
00:22:51,912 --> 00:22:55,541
There is no chicken enough...
to feed the rest."

392
00:22:57,418 --> 00:23:00,170
"Does anyone have suggestions for...

393
00:23:01,463 --> 00:23:05,509
how to eliminate the pressure
the unwanted make up?

394
00:23:07,886 --> 00:23:09,054
Yes, you.

395
00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:10,931
Number four.

396
00:23:12,308 --> 00:23:13,892
Look forward."

397
00:23:15,853 --> 00:23:17,313
"You know what...

398
00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:22,067
What if we shake them slowly
at the airport? Not?

399
00:23:24,028 --> 00:23:25,154
I just mention.

400
00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:28,115
What if something
looked like a swing door,

401
00:23:28,198 --> 00:23:31,744
and got them to take off the shoes,
and they came in and stood like that?

402
00:23:32,536 --> 00:23:35,164
Then irradiate them
from top to toe...

403
00:23:35,831 --> 00:23:38,083
once on the way out
and once on the way back. "

404
00:23:38,167 --> 00:23:42,713
" oh yes! I like that idea.
How would it work?

405
00:23:42,796 --> 00:23:45,966
Should there be low radiation,
so they become fried like a tuna steak?

406
00:23:46,467 --> 00:23:50,971
They do not understand. We let the children drop.
We can use those who slave later.

407
00:23:51,055 --> 00:23:54,600
No old. They die soon.
Only people of their best age.

408
00:23:54,683 --> 00:23:59,021
Gradually screwing up,
until they get sore around the mouth.

409
00:23:59,104 --> 00:24:02,483
They can not recognize their children.
The property comes back to us!

410
00:24:05,235 --> 00:24:06,236
Oh.

411
00:24:06,862 --> 00:24:09,657
I assume that everyone here is flying with private aircraft? "

412
00:24:16,288 --> 00:24:18,999
My wife thinks I'm crazy,
because I think so.

413
00:24:21,251 --> 00:24:22,461
But I think I'm right.

414
00:24:24,004 --> 00:24:25,631
I know they think about it.

415
00:24:26,215 --> 00:24:28,509
I know they do because I do.

416
00:24:28,592 --> 00:24:31,136
Every time I arrive
to a city at 14,

417
00:24:31,220 --> 00:24:35,057
and I drive down the street,
and there is traffic jam,

418
00:24:35,140 --> 00:24:37,810
then my inner Mussolini comes forward.

419
00:24:37,893 --> 00:24:40,312
"What are all these people doing on my way ?!"

420
00:24:41,522 --> 00:24:43,315
"They must be eliminated!"

421
00:24:46,026 --> 00:24:48,278
How can not you consider it?

422
00:24:48,362 --> 00:24:50,823
Because everyone would flip out,

423
00:24:50,906 --> 00:24:54,076
If you began to take certain precautions...

424
00:24:55,703 --> 00:24:58,580
to thin in the flock.
Are you feeling?

425
00:24:58,664 --> 00:25:00,374
Just right.

426
00:25:00,457 --> 00:25:02,584
What do you think? Do you think...

427
00:25:03,627 --> 00:25:08,424
That you are in the top row,
in the luxury lodges? Yes?

428
00:25:08,507 --> 00:25:10,342
You spend a lot of time alone.

429
00:25:10,426 --> 00:25:11,844
You nod a lot.

430
00:25:11,927 --> 00:25:15,055
"I like what I think.
I really like it.

431
00:25:15,639 --> 00:25:17,391
That's how it should be."

432
00:25:17,474 --> 00:25:18,976
I understand how it is.

433
00:25:19,643 --> 00:25:23,313
I live this isolated life.
I'm going to tour you,

434
00:25:23,397 --> 00:25:28,110
and I'm just... I'm always alone.
You get crazy.

435
00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:31,739
I had a gig in Ireland.
I was in the actor.

436
00:25:31,822 --> 00:25:34,158
I should turn on the light.
It was a pull-out.

437
00:25:34,241 --> 00:25:36,827
It was spinning around
and looked like a little gallows.

438
00:25:36,910 --> 00:25:39,788
I immediately thought:
"What if I put my head in it...

439
00:25:42,291 --> 00:25:45,294
and turn off the light?"
Literally and figuratively.

440
00:25:46,378 --> 00:25:48,338
I did not think about commit suicide.

441
00:25:48,422 --> 00:25:51,175
Just when I thought:
"What if I did?"

442
00:25:51,884 --> 00:25:55,304
I saw myself in the mirror,
caught my eyes and we both laughed.

443
00:25:56,430 --> 00:25:59,683
I had this little
amazing moment with myself.

444
00:25:59,767 --> 00:26:02,811
There was no need to say anything.

445
00:26:04,813 --> 00:26:08,150
I think of the population
all the time, as you can hear.

446
00:26:08,233 --> 00:26:12,905
I always talk about it in my specials.
I have a plan because I know...

447
00:26:12,988 --> 00:26:16,784
Wait until you hear my plan first,
because there are many who will die.

448
00:26:18,786 --> 00:26:20,746
Before you start to cry.

449
00:26:21,830 --> 00:26:24,333
Everyone thinks they will survive.

450
00:26:25,459 --> 00:26:27,586
This is how I would do it.

451
00:26:27,669 --> 00:26:30,005
You start to become a dictator.

452
00:26:30,088 --> 00:26:33,133
It's too late to say: "Hey, maybe we should be fine with a couple..."

453
00:26:33,217 --> 00:26:34,301
It's too late.

454
00:26:34,384 --> 00:26:37,262
Someone must have balls to
to get sailed...

455
00:26:38,889 --> 00:26:42,810
and cut off some heads.
So here's my idea.

456
00:26:43,310 --> 00:26:47,689
I become a dictator. But first
you must murder all the powers.

457
00:26:47,773 --> 00:26:50,275
From the top and all the way down to their goldfish.

458
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:54,154
To kill everyone in the family, they will not come back to get revenge,

459
00:26:54,238 --> 00:26:57,825
as in <i> Godfather II </i> or
all the karate movies you have seen.

460
00:26:57,908 --> 00:26:59,868
You do the same
like the Russians,

461
00:26:59,952 --> 00:27:02,287
Where you can not find the skulls for 100 years.

462
00:27:02,371 --> 00:27:05,165
How to do that.
Then you get control of the media.

463
00:27:05,249 --> 00:27:07,125
I do not tell the press anything.

464
00:27:07,209 --> 00:27:10,045
I do not know what happens, unless I want you to know.

465
00:27:10,128 --> 00:27:12,714
Great pictures of me.
I have to sing songs about me.

466
00:27:12,798 --> 00:27:15,425
Do not you feel,
there will be a black van,

467
00:27:15,509 --> 00:27:18,178
and you'll never hear from you again.

468
00:27:18,262 --> 00:27:21,682
After 3-6 months with it
is no longer in doubt,

469
00:27:21,765 --> 00:27:24,101
And then I start thinning in people.

470
00:27:25,102 --> 00:27:28,647
How to do this here. I begin
to lower cruise ships.

471
00:27:31,942 --> 00:27:35,320
Listen to me. That is the way forward.
That is the way forward.

472
00:27:37,197 --> 00:27:40,534
You can hit 2500-3000 at a time.

473
00:27:41,285 --> 00:27:46,999
It's a good mix of people
to get rid of. Not true?

474
00:27:47,082 --> 00:27:50,460
Think of those kind of people who go on a cruise.

475
00:27:51,587 --> 00:27:53,672
They are not foresighted.

476
00:27:53,755 --> 00:27:55,048
They are not groundbreaking.

477
00:27:55,132 --> 00:27:58,135
They are not essential
for our survival.

478
00:28:00,262 --> 00:28:02,472
Have you spoken with one,
has been on a cruise?

479
00:28:02,556 --> 00:28:06,852
It's one of the worst stories
you want to hear. They do not make a ski.

480
00:28:06,935 --> 00:28:10,397
They do not travel to another culture
or experience a new culture,

481
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:12,482
Trying to get out of train
or money.

482
00:28:12,566 --> 00:28:16,028
They just want to sit on a ski boat.

483
00:28:16,820 --> 00:28:19,072
And drink.
That's all they want.

484
00:28:19,156 --> 00:28:20,991
The worst story you want to hear.

485
00:28:21,074 --> 00:28:22,284
"How was that?"

486
00:28:22,367 --> 00:28:23,744
"Fantastic.

487
00:28:23,827 --> 00:28:26,163
I was just there.

488
00:28:26,246 --> 00:28:31,001
There was a DJ over there on the wooka-wooka thing.

489
00:28:31,084 --> 00:28:31,919
Not too?

490
00:28:32,002 --> 00:28:34,546
And they had this
chocolate fountain.

491
00:28:34,630 --> 00:28:37,799
Like a fountain,
but with chocolate! "

492
00:28:38,300 --> 00:28:40,719
"You put a toothpick in the food,

493
00:28:40,802 --> 00:28:42,638
and then you put it in the chocolate,

494
00:28:42,721 --> 00:28:45,224
and then you put it in your mouth."

495
00:28:45,849 --> 00:28:47,851
"I want a drink!"

496
00:28:47,935 --> 00:28:49,478
They bring a drink,

497
00:28:49,561 --> 00:28:50,562
it drips down

498
00:28:50,646 --> 00:28:52,314
and collects in the navel.

499
00:28:52,397 --> 00:28:53,649
You beat yourself. "

500
00:28:54,483 --> 00:28:55,734
"You get it in your mouth."

501
00:28:56,860 --> 00:28:59,529
"Every day at lunchtime
we queue for lunch.

502
00:28:59,613 --> 00:29:02,741
What's for lunch? Who knows?
We do not make the decisions.

503
00:29:02,824 --> 00:29:04,368
What they give us.

504
00:29:04,451 --> 00:29:07,329
I prefer all-inclusive -
one should only think once.

505
00:29:07,412 --> 00:29:09,957
Should I write that number
on that piece of paper?

506
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:12,125
Okay, tell me where to go. "

507
00:29:14,086 --> 00:29:18,382
If you can ignore the inhuman
in what I suggest...

508
00:29:20,175 --> 00:29:21,760
If you can ignore it

509
00:29:21,843 --> 00:29:24,346
and maybe lose a couple of friends here and there...

510
00:29:25,597 --> 00:29:27,557
I would not miss them.

511
00:29:28,809 --> 00:29:30,435
Do you know when you would miss them?

512
00:29:30,519 --> 00:29:32,062
When you're in baseball fight,

513
00:29:32,145 --> 00:29:35,941
and there are not 100 at the top of the stand,
trying to get into the wave.

514
00:29:36,024 --> 00:29:37,025
Not true?

515
00:29:39,319 --> 00:29:42,531
People would not be sure
when someone sits down during a song.

516
00:29:42,614 --> 00:29:46,410
"It strikes me, even if I do not know
what the problem is!"

517
00:29:46,493 --> 00:29:47,661
Not true?

518
00:29:47,744 --> 00:29:49,830
Nashville, take a step back there.

519
00:29:49,913 --> 00:29:50,914
One step back.

520
00:29:54,167 --> 00:29:55,585
It is about police violence.

521
00:29:55,669 --> 00:29:59,131
It has nothing with your
and my beautiful white world.

522
00:29:59,756 --> 00:30:03,593
Drop it. I'll tell you if you've seen each section of <i> McHale's Navy.</i>

523
00:30:03,677 --> 00:30:06,596
It is still not about you.
It's not a military thing.

524
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:13,979
You would not miss them.
Here it is.

525
00:30:14,062 --> 00:30:16,773
I do not want to order the reduction
of these cruise ships

526
00:30:16,857 --> 00:30:21,236
and drag me back to my chamber
with my mistresses and whores.

527
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:24,031
And loosen in full uniform.

528
00:30:24,114 --> 00:30:25,490
Whole dictator uniforms.

529
00:30:25,574 --> 00:30:27,659
Everything except the pants?

530
00:30:28,660 --> 00:30:31,747
Supported stockings with straps,
just get loose.

531
00:30:32,706 --> 00:30:35,834
My honorary medals
cling to the chest.

532
00:30:36,543 --> 00:30:39,254
The question is how long I could keep my hat on.

533
00:30:39,338 --> 00:30:41,757
"Yes! Yes!"

534
00:30:42,799 --> 00:30:45,969
No, you can not.
It creates anger among the men.

535
00:30:46,053 --> 00:30:48,680
One should lead them in battle,
and I would.

536
00:30:48,764 --> 00:30:52,517
I wanted my own submarine.
I wanted my own submarine

537
00:30:52,601 --> 00:30:56,646
and then I would hunt cruise ships
on a summer evening in the moon's wings.

538
00:30:56,730 --> 00:31:00,192
Yes, on a summer evening in the moon's
cut where everything is easy to hear.

539
00:31:00,275 --> 00:31:03,653
One of the summer evenings,
where your neighbor is talking about you.

540
00:31:03,737 --> 00:31:07,157
He does not think you can hear it.
You are sitting on the porch. "Oh like that?"

541
00:31:08,492 --> 00:31:09,701
"So that's how it is."

542
00:31:10,243 --> 00:31:11,244
One of the evenings.

543
00:31:13,580 --> 00:31:16,625
I would be fair and get up
to the surface before I did.

544
00:31:16,708 --> 00:31:19,044
I'm armed, they are not.
It's only fair.

545
00:31:19,628 --> 00:31:21,546
They see me, I give them a favor.

546
00:31:22,130 --> 00:31:24,883
I would have class like
the Red Baron. "Hurry with you."

547
00:31:25,467 --> 00:31:27,636
If you did not see me,
would be fair enough.

548
00:31:27,719 --> 00:31:30,972
Every summer evening in the moon's cut
I would go out to harvest.

549
00:31:31,056 --> 00:31:32,974
I would come up to the surface.

550
00:31:42,025 --> 00:31:44,611
"Listen to the music."

551
00:32:01,169 --> 00:32:02,254
"Lighthouse."

552
00:32:13,932 --> 00:32:15,517
"See my arms in this top."

553
00:32:26,111 --> 00:32:29,114
Then sail over and protect all survivors.

554
00:32:40,584 --> 00:32:41,918
"Come here!"

555
00:32:56,766 --> 00:32:57,767
This would happen.

556
00:32:57,851 --> 00:33:02,272
2500-3000 fewer people.
And do you know what the best is?

557
00:33:02,355 --> 00:33:03,607
It is under the water.

558
00:33:03,690 --> 00:33:06,485
All the evidence disappears.

559
00:33:06,568 --> 00:33:09,738
All mass murderers in history
have quarreled.

560
00:33:09,821 --> 00:33:11,072
They did it on land.

561
00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:13,200
You get caught.

562
00:33:13,283 --> 00:33:15,118
Where do you want to do that?

563
00:33:15,660 --> 00:33:16,870
Do it on the ocean.

564
00:33:16,953 --> 00:33:18,955
Everything is sinking, right?

565
00:33:19,039 --> 00:33:20,999
No...
"I do not know what happened.

566
00:33:21,082 --> 00:33:22,292
I have no idea."

567
00:33:22,792 --> 00:33:24,169
No evidence.

568
00:33:24,252 --> 00:33:27,422
No evidence.
Maybe a flip flop, right?

569
00:33:29,966 --> 00:33:31,551
And Ed Hardy T-shirt...

570
00:33:32,260 --> 00:33:33,261
flowing past.

571
00:33:34,888 --> 00:33:37,766
I control the press,
so nobody knows anything.

572
00:33:37,849 --> 00:33:42,437
As I lower the ships,
I build accurate copies.

573
00:33:42,521 --> 00:33:45,815
I eliminate people
while creating jobs.

574
00:33:45,899 --> 00:33:48,193
I have no idea what's going on.

575
00:33:48,276 --> 00:33:51,446
I only realize:
"Wow. There is less traffic.

576
00:33:51,530 --> 00:33:54,908
I'm up in third gear at 17 o'clock. It's totally crazy!"

577
00:33:55,450 --> 00:33:58,328
"I do not know what's happening,
but him Bill guy is okay.

578
00:33:58,411 --> 00:34:02,207
One of my friends got a job at an
shipyard. Is not it just incredible?

579
00:34:02,290 --> 00:34:04,167
It's great for it Industry.

580
00:34:04,251 --> 00:34:05,710
It's totally wild.

581
00:34:05,794 --> 00:34:08,255
I want a job there.
The salary is fantastic.

582
00:34:08,338 --> 00:34:11,299
Earn a little pocket money.
Maybe we can cruise.

583
00:34:11,383 --> 00:34:13,134
We would have fun out there. "

584
00:34:14,594 --> 00:34:15,887
This would work.

585
00:34:16,388 --> 00:34:19,140
Here, my ethnic cleansing would work.

586
00:34:21,810 --> 00:34:25,105
It would not be based
on race or religion.

587
00:34:25,188 --> 00:34:27,357
It would be based on
that people are stupid enough  to believe that a cruise
is actually a journey.

588
00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:30,360
Technically you travel
but what do you see?

589
00:34:31,695 --> 00:34:34,739
Only a lot... "See the water!

590
00:34:34,823 --> 00:34:36,491
Oh god!

591
00:34:36,575 --> 00:34:37,576
You know it's the Atlantic.

592
00:34:37,659 --> 00:34:39,536
It's not like the Pacific."

593
00:34:39,619 --> 00:34:41,830
Then...

594
00:34:44,207 --> 00:34:45,208
I admit,
that I am psychopathic.

595
00:34:45,292 --> 00:34:47,836
And...

596
00:34:47,919 --> 00:34:48,919
Oh, yes, I have dreams...

597
00:34:49,379 --> 00:34:51,006


598
00:34:51,089 --> 00:34:54,217
I had a dream two years ago,
who still haunt me.

599
00:34:54,301 --> 00:34:57,387
Have you had a dream where you thought
you woke up, but did not?

600
00:34:57,470 --> 00:34:59,180
You just get up.

601
00:34:59,264 --> 00:35:00,807
I had such a dream.

602
00:35:00,890 --> 00:35:04,686
So I got up in bed and looked up.
There was a little girl in the corner.

603
00:35:04,769 --> 00:35:07,230
I did not know who she was.
She was 3-4 years old.

604
00:35:07,314 --> 00:35:10,609
She spoke to me, but I
did not understand what she said.

605
00:35:10,692 --> 00:35:12,319
She stood in the corner and said...

606
00:35:16,031 --> 00:35:17,115
I said, "what?"

607
00:35:18,199 --> 00:35:19,534
"What did you say?

608
00:35:19,618 --> 00:35:22,329
I can not hear you, honey.
Come a little closer."

609
00:35:22,412 --> 00:35:25,081
She went halfway to bed.
She nodded.

610
00:35:28,376 --> 00:35:30,712
Store <i> The Grudge - </i> Eyes.
I'm just...

611
00:35:31,630 --> 00:35:34,049
"You must come a little closer."
She goes to bed.

612
00:35:34,132 --> 00:35:36,801
"I could not hear you.
What did you say?"

613
00:35:36,885 --> 00:35:38,386
She nods and says:

614
00:35:38,470 --> 00:35:40,096
"You will commit suicide."

615
00:35:40,847 --> 00:35:41,890
I got up and...

616
00:35:43,767 --> 00:35:45,143
"No, I do not want!"

617
00:35:45,727 --> 00:35:47,354
"No, I do not want!"

618
00:35:47,437 --> 00:35:51,566
My wife wakes up. "What's wrong?"
"I had the worst nightmare of my life!

619
00:35:51,650 --> 00:35:54,486
It was terrible!"
"Did I join?"

620
00:35:54,569 --> 00:35:56,863
"No, your self-centered fool!

621
00:35:57,489 --> 00:35:59,074
You dearest!

622
00:35:59,157 --> 00:36:01,201
Not all is about you, honey.

623
00:36:01,284 --> 00:36:03,411
I love you,
but not everything is about you.

624
00:36:03,495 --> 00:36:04,496
Hold your jaw. "

625
00:36:04,579 --> 00:36:06,831
I tried to fall asleep
in the same position,

626
00:36:06,915 --> 00:36:09,000
so I would bump into
the little girl again.

627
00:36:09,084 --> 00:36:12,003
" Listen, your little shit,
you say  I do not kill myself.

628
00:36:13,963 --> 00:36:15,507
I do not know what the dream meant,
because you dream of metaphors.

629
00:36:16,132 --> 00:36:19,886
I do not know.

630
00:36:19,969 --> 00:36:21,137
I'm completely spinning oblique.

631
00:36:21,221 --> 00:36:22,681
It makes my wife uneasy.

632
00:36:23,306 --> 00:36:24,724
But there is a good thing
by being psychopathic.

633
00:36:24,808 --> 00:36:27,185


634
00:36:27,268 --> 00:36:31,481
The good thing about being a psychopath is to recognize other psychopaths  on long distance.
It's a really good thing.

635
00:36:31,564 --> 00:36:34,859
I can recognize them.
You can see it on your eyes.

636
00:36:35,652 --> 00:36:37,987
Never look at the clothes.

637
00:36:38,071 --> 00:36:39,531
Nice people watching the clothes.

638
00:36:40,031 --> 00:36:42,033
They see someone in jeans,
who rock their children,

639
00:36:42,117 --> 00:36:46,371
nerd-sweater thing.

640
00:36:46,454 --> 00:36:47,706
"Dav! How are you doing?

641
00:36:47,789 --> 00:36:48,957
Is it not unbelievable that the summer
is already over? Skinny, not?

642
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:52,961
The little one makes me
to crash around.

643
00:36:53,044 --> 00:36:56,297
She controls the house!
She controls the house. "

644
00:36:56,381 --> 00:36:58,883


645
00:37:01,052 --> 00:37:04,097
People say:
"Oh god. He's so good.

646
00:37:04,180 --> 00:37:05,515
A good family mate."

647
00:37:05,598 --> 00:37:09,144
I just think the guy is psychopedic!

648
00:37:09,227 --> 00:37:10,228
He is a psychopath!

649
00:37:10,770 --> 00:37:12,647
See his eyes. Cant you see it?

650
00:37:12,731 --> 00:37:14,691
The guy is losing sight!

651
00:37:14,774 --> 00:37:18,194
He struggles through all that
he thinks he should do.

652
00:37:18,278 --> 00:37:21,906
Everything that the skinny guy needs,
is a little push.

653
00:37:21,990 --> 00:37:23,867
Just a little push.

654
00:37:23,950 --> 00:37:26,119
I do not know what the guy is capable of.

655
00:37:26,202 --> 00:37:29,956
I did not want to see
the man's computer hard disk.

656
00:37:32,667 --> 00:37:34,794
I'm doing it all the time.

657
00:37:34,878 --> 00:37:38,173
I'm good at identifying
psychopaths. Drives my wife to madness.

658
00:37:38,256 --> 00:37:41,009
She was one of the first,
became familiar with Kanye West.

659
00:37:41,092 --> 00:37:43,595
The Great Kanye West.
Everyone loves him, right?

660
00:37:43,678 --> 00:37:46,264
Keep jerky.
Why did I come to Nashville?

661
00:37:46,347 --> 00:37:47,682
Buh! A black artist!

662
00:37:47,766 --> 00:37:49,392
You are talking about it at Ryman Theater.

663
00:37:49,476 --> 00:37:50,602
What the hell?

664
00:37:50,685 --> 00:37:52,270
It's Grand Ole Opry, man! "

665
00:37:53,354 --> 00:37:54,939
" It's not MTV Raps! "

666
00:37:57,025 --> 00:38:00,570
I put you in a booth,
because you're from the South,

667
00:38:00,653 --> 00:38:02,781
like all the racists who live here.

668
00:38:02,864 --> 00:38:05,867
It does not fit. They are everywhere.

669
00:38:08,036 --> 00:38:10,163
There are only different degrees.

670
00:38:11,039 --> 00:38:12,040
Not?

671
00:38:13,708 --> 00:38:16,753
I'm racist when the day is over.

672
00:38:16,836 --> 00:38:18,421
I'm a crazy guy,

673
00:38:18,505 --> 00:38:20,632
Who does not care
who you are in the morning.

674
00:38:20,715 --> 00:38:23,176
You are eating your morning knife.
"Hey how's it going?"

675
00:38:23,259 --> 00:38:27,639
But when the sun begins to go down
and fear begins to rise,

676
00:38:27,722 --> 00:38:30,225
Then one begins to think the worst about people.

677
00:38:31,976 --> 00:38:33,436
Nobody wants to be honest.

678
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:35,939
I do not care who you are.

679
00:38:36,022 --> 00:38:39,108
At 24, midnight,
alone in a parking lot,

680
00:38:39,192 --> 00:38:42,153
Waking up on you,
not happy thoughts.

681
00:38:43,238 --> 00:38:47,951
You do not think: "Oh, that guy, he's probably building a website..."

682
00:38:48,034 --> 00:38:49,327
You do not think so.

683
00:38:50,370 --> 00:38:52,121
That guy wants to mate me and eat me.

684
00:38:52,205 --> 00:38:57,585
What he does not eat, he hugs.
That's what you do not think?

685
00:38:57,669 --> 00:39:00,964
If you do it in the evening,
is normal because it's fear.

686
00:39:01,047 --> 00:39:04,509
There are people at breakfast,
who says:

687
00:39:04,592 --> 00:39:05,718
"Shoot Jews!"

688
00:39:05,802 --> 00:39:07,720
That's where you have a problem.

689
00:39:09,264 --> 00:39:10,473
Then...

690
00:39:11,099 --> 00:39:13,893
So... I have to do it.

691
00:39:13,977 --> 00:39:17,063
When talking about race and being a
white guy, you have to go carefully.

692
00:39:17,146 --> 00:39:20,525
It's easy for
to feel like a meeting.

693
00:39:20,608 --> 00:39:22,902
I hear: "Yes! Okay!"

694
00:39:23,528 --> 00:39:27,115
Then I say: "I have to get up.
People do not see what I'm saying.

695
00:39:27,198 --> 00:39:28,449
I have a farm shirt.

696
00:39:29,242 --> 00:39:33,371
Things are running off the track."
Do I have to return to Kanye West?

697
00:39:33,454 --> 00:39:36,708
Half of you have probably
downloaded his piss. Okay, listen here...

698
00:39:37,542 --> 00:39:41,170
My wife flipped because...
At first she loved him.

699
00:39:41,254 --> 00:39:42,839
I thought he was cool.

700
00:39:42,922 --> 00:39:46,342
One day I saw him give an interview about
how amazing he is

701
00:39:46,426 --> 00:39:49,721


702
00:39:49,804 --> 00:39:51,347
and he had this expression in the eyes, which made me nervous.

703
00:39:51,431 --> 00:39:53,641
I thought: "This guy is...

704
00:39:53,725 --> 00:39:56,603
There is something about this guy
that makes me nervous. "

705
00:39:57,812 --> 00:40:00,607
" He's on the verge of
to lose control, right? "

706
00:40:00,690 --> 00:40:02,400
She says:" You are crazy. " I thought:
"I think the guy is sick in the head."

707
00:40:02,483 --> 00:40:04,736
I became convinced
one day I came in.

708
00:40:04,819 --> 00:40:07,155
She listened to an interview.

709
00:40:07,238 --> 00:40:09,032
I did not know that it was him .
He talked how good he was.

710
00:40:09,115 --> 00:40:12,160
I came in,
and I just heard this piss.

711
00:40:12,243 --> 00:40:14,537
I got chills

712
00:40:14,621 --> 00:40:17,707
and started thinking:
"No! No! No! "

713
00:40:17,790 --> 00:40:21,002
I turned around and saw.

714
00:40:21,085 --> 00:40:22,253


715
00:40:22,337 --> 00:40:24,255
Before it came to me that it was Kanye,

716
00:40:24,339 --> 00:40:28,468
I thought: "Thank goodness.
It's just a black guy."

717
00:40:32,013 --> 00:40:33,097
"Thank goodness!"

718
00:40:33,973 --> 00:40:35,642
"It's just a black guy."

719
00:40:36,601 --> 00:40:38,269
Yes, it's nice that you pull you.

720
00:40:39,646 --> 00:40:42,190
It's awkward, because it can evolve to everything.

721
00:40:42,273 --> 00:40:46,527
There may be a clan direction.

722
00:40:47,737 --> 00:40:49,489
Let me just clarify.

723
00:40:49,572 --> 00:40:52,825
Listen to me. I think:
"Thank you, it's a black guy."

724
00:40:52,909 --> 00:40:56,204
"Thank goodness is his ego..."

725
00:40:56,287 --> 00:40:59,999
When it floated down from the sky,
or from the cosmos,

726
00:41:00,083 --> 00:41:04,087
or what Joel Osteen piss,
you believe in... Okay?

727
00:41:05,088 --> 00:41:08,299
When it floated down, it could be landed on anyone.

728
00:41:08,383 --> 00:41:11,594
Thank goodness, it landed on a black guy.

729
00:41:11,678 --> 00:41:15,723
Thank goodness, it was wrapped in it, caught in it.

730
00:41:16,557 --> 00:41:17,642
There is probably there.

731
00:41:18,851 --> 00:41:21,646
There is no need to worry, when it is there.

732
00:41:21,729 --> 00:41:28,194
If the ego had fallen down and landed on a white guy with blue eyes,

733
00:41:28,277 --> 00:41:31,698
then it is impossible to say what damage it might have caused.

734
00:41:32,615 --> 00:41:35,368
Whole civilizations
could have been eradicated...

735
00:41:36,369 --> 00:41:39,706
worldwide hunger,
the moon collides with the earth

736
00:41:40,206 --> 00:41:43,543
But thank goodness, it landed the ego
in a black guy.

737
00:41:45,003 --> 00:41:49,048
Because he's as crazy as some
of the craziest white guys ever,

738
00:41:49,132 --> 00:41:53,219
He just does not have the opportunity
to bring his madness to execution.

739
00:41:53,970 --> 00:41:56,723
Not true?
The evil has an invisible ceiling.

740
00:41:57,515 --> 00:41:58,850
Have you never noticed?

741
00:42:00,393 --> 00:42:02,895
Go home and turn on History Channel.

742
00:42:02,979 --> 00:42:08,443
You out of the ten ravening crazy guys
who have lived,

743
00:42:08,526 --> 00:42:13,406
is white. Why? Are white
guys lower than everyone else?

744
00:42:13,489 --> 00:42:16,909
This is an option.

745
00:42:16,993 --> 00:42:18,745
We have the numbers to back it up.

746
00:42:20,163 --> 00:42:24,625
But I think that's different.
Nobody is watching white guys.

747
00:42:24,709 --> 00:42:27,170
When many white guys meet,
there is no one who says:

748
00:42:27,253 --> 00:42:30,631
"Okay, move on! Continue!
Wake up with you!"

749
00:42:30,715 --> 00:42:33,801
To be stopped for no reason,
it just does not happen.

750
00:42:33,885 --> 00:42:36,012
You are a white guy.
Free choice on all shelves.

751
00:42:36,095 --> 00:42:38,097
Think what you want:
"I will do that."

752
00:42:38,181 --> 00:42:41,851
There is no one who stops you.
You just start running.

753
00:42:41,934 --> 00:42:45,897
Soon you split buttons
you have your own uniform.

754
00:42:46,606 --> 00:42:48,691
Then you start a skid war, right?

755
00:42:49,942 --> 00:42:53,529
All that Kanye West is allowed to
is to spoil a prize

756
00:42:53,613 --> 00:42:55,073


757
00:42:56,199 --> 00:42:59,911
Make a public message
a bit embarrassing to Mike Myers.

758
00:43:00,745 --> 00:43:02,789
Longer he does not come.

759
00:43:06,667 --> 00:43:08,086
I know you do not believe me.

760
00:43:08,169 --> 00:43:11,380
Okay next time
Kanye's mouthpiece runs runaway,

761
00:43:11,464 --> 00:43:14,050
You just have to close your eyes,
forget it's him,

762
00:43:14,133 --> 00:43:17,470
and listen to the words that come out of his mouth.

763
00:43:18,012 --> 00:43:21,974
He says piss like: "I'm a genius."
"I'm a God. I'm Shakespeare."

764
00:43:23,142 --> 00:43:27,438
"What I'm most sorry is that I
will never see myself performing live."

765
00:43:28,272 --> 00:43:29,482
It's a quote.

766
00:43:29,565 --> 00:43:33,861
"What I'm most sorry is that I
will never see myself performing live."

767
00:43:33,945 --> 00:43:36,364
Give a white guy the ego,
then it's...

768
00:43:38,366 --> 00:43:41,828
"Und ze blitzkrieg
und ze supermann!"

769
00:43:45,164 --> 00:43:47,333
Vienna returns
to Deutschland first!

770
00:43:52,755 --> 00:43:56,843
I say that to you.
But we're okay. It's in a black guy.

771
00:43:58,302 --> 00:44:02,140
There will not be anything.
Have you not noticed that piss?

772
00:44:02,849 --> 00:44:07,520
Crazy black guys can at most
scare people in the subway.

773
00:44:08,187 --> 00:44:11,232
They can stand on the street corner
with their books and friends

774
00:44:11,315 --> 00:44:12,692
and scream about white people.

775
00:44:12,775 --> 00:44:15,862
"These people have tails!
Motherfuckers have tails! Evil!"

776
00:44:15,945 --> 00:44:18,739
You just cross the street.
That is all.

777
00:44:19,824 --> 00:44:24,412
In a perfect world, Hitler
never got past the metro level.

778
00:44:24,495 --> 00:44:26,455
Longer he had not arrived.

779
00:44:27,206 --> 00:44:29,834
One wanted to sit on the train.
"What are you doing tonight?"

780
00:44:29,917 --> 00:44:31,586
"Play a little fantasy football."

781
00:44:31,669 --> 00:44:33,754
The door opens,
and he comes walking.

782
00:44:33,838 --> 00:44:38,467
"And they must have blue eyes, bright hair
and pubic hair like the sun!"

783
00:44:38,551 --> 00:44:43,055
You are just sitting there. "Ignore him.
Let him pass. Let him pass."

784
00:44:43,139 --> 00:44:45,391
He would continue to the next carriage.

785
00:44:45,474 --> 00:44:48,561
A World War I passed through.

786
00:44:49,353 --> 00:44:50,688
But he was a white guy.

787
00:44:50,771 --> 00:44:53,232
No one noticed him,
his hair flew around,

788
00:44:53,316 --> 00:44:55,902
and everyone did not care.

789
00:44:57,486 --> 00:44:59,572
That's the weird thing...

790
00:45:00,698 --> 00:45:02,366
I have realized with Kanye West.

791
00:45:03,451 --> 00:45:04,452
Not true?

792
00:45:06,621 --> 00:45:09,582
Occasionally, racism works.

793
00:45:11,876 --> 00:45:16,297
99.9% of the time
is the cruelest thing we can do

794
00:45:16,380 --> 00:45:18,257
but once upon a time is lucky with us,

795
00:45:18,341 --> 00:45:21,218
and then the marble ball rolls down into the right hole,

796
00:45:21,302 --> 00:45:22,678
and we'll get away with it.

797
00:45:24,597 --> 00:45:26,015
We slept cheaply with that guy.

798
00:45:28,392 --> 00:45:31,520
I have to praise you.
I took the Hitler reference nicely.

799
00:45:32,146 --> 00:45:33,147
I did fine.

800
00:45:33,231 --> 00:45:36,984
Nothing makes a room as quiet,
as when throwing the hydrogen bomb.

801
00:45:38,903 --> 00:45:42,114
If you mention Adolf Hitler,
will still be quiet.

802
00:45:42,698 --> 00:45:48,079
The lighthouse died 75 years ago,
allegedly.

803
00:45:48,704 --> 00:45:50,748
Some think he lived in South America...

804
00:45:50,831 --> 00:45:52,667
"Why are they so brown?"

805
00:45:52,750 --> 00:45:54,377
for the rest of your life.

806
00:45:54,460 --> 00:45:58,547
Even if he survived,
is he so dead now, right?

807
00:45:58,631 --> 00:45:59,715
Do we agree?

808
00:46:02,093 --> 00:46:06,222
But even today, despite
that he died 75 years ago,

809
00:46:06,305 --> 00:46:09,141
He is our point of reference for evil.
Have you noticed?

810
00:46:09,225 --> 00:46:13,437
To say somebody is evil,
says, "He is the next Hitler."

811
00:46:13,521 --> 00:46:16,941
"Donald Trump is the next Hitler." Saddam Hussein is the next Hitler. "

812
00:46:17,024 --> 00:46:19,110
It's always: "He's the next Hitler."

813
00:46:19,193 --> 00:46:22,863
I do not know
what the hell they said before Hitler?

814
00:46:24,156 --> 00:46:26,951
"The next Genghis Khan."
"He is the next Napoleon."

815
00:46:27,034 --> 00:46:29,286
Ivan the Terrible.
I do not know what they said.

816
00:46:29,370 --> 00:46:31,706
Whatever they said,
wiped him out.

817
00:46:31,789 --> 00:46:36,419
He was so sick in the head that what they did did not exist anymore.

818
00:46:36,502 --> 00:46:39,839
It's like when Michael Jordan
started in the NBA.

819
00:46:40,339 --> 00:46:42,133
He was so good...

820
00:46:43,050 --> 00:46:44,343
that he wiped out all.

821
00:46:45,011 --> 00:46:49,098
No one says, "He is the next Dr. J."
"The next wish." Nobody says it.

822
00:46:49,181 --> 00:46:52,018
It's always: "He's the next Mike."
Not true?

823
00:46:52,601 --> 00:46:55,938
Adolf Hitler
is the evil Michael Jordan.

824
00:46:57,898 --> 00:46:58,733
It is he.

825
00:46:58,816 --> 00:47:03,946
Nike should have made a rubber boot
to him... a giant boots.

826
00:47:04,030 --> 00:47:08,743
It was quite stiff about the knee, so that you could go that way.

827
00:47:09,285 --> 00:47:12,038
If there was a hall of fame for evil,

828
00:47:12,121 --> 00:47:13,622
Did you have to record Hitler in it.

829
00:47:13,706 --> 00:47:16,709
He is the first choice for evil
Hall of Fame.

830
00:47:16,792 --> 00:47:18,794
Okay? Undeniable statistics.

831
00:47:19,295 --> 00:47:21,630
He has his career figures.

832
00:47:21,714 --> 00:47:27,511
6-9 million home runs,
then you come in. You come in.

833
00:47:29,472 --> 00:47:33,642
It is a sports analogue. I'm not advocating what he did.

834
00:47:33,726 --> 00:47:36,103
Can we be grown up here? Okay?

835
00:47:37,188 --> 00:47:40,900
Do I get on a splitscreen
tomorrow morning with a blogger?

836
00:47:41,817 --> 00:47:43,736
I <i> Good Morning, Nashville.</i>

837
00:47:45,112 --> 00:47:47,031
"Comedy: Can you go too far?

838
00:47:47,114 --> 00:47:48,949
Tonight at the Ryman Theater...

839
00:47:50,367 --> 00:47:53,829
It was okay to make fun with snow,
that lowered cruise ships.

840
00:47:53,913 --> 00:47:57,458
But suddenly it took a horrible,
horrible turn.

841
00:47:57,541 --> 00:48:02,755
Fortunately, the local blogger,
Maggie Maggenhall was present.

842
00:48:02,838 --> 00:48:06,634
Maggie, can you describe
what you were exposed to...

843
00:48:07,468 --> 00:48:10,012
During the horrible tirade last night? "

844
00:48:10,888 --> 00:48:14,850
" Everyone who knows me knows I
has a great sense of humor.

845
00:48:14,934 --> 00:48:16,143
I think it's fun.

846
00:48:16,227 --> 00:48:20,314
I think it's funny, but last night was not fun. "

847
00:48:22,149 --> 00:48:23,359
This is always.

848
00:48:23,442 --> 00:48:24,860
They should always mention,

849
00:48:24,944 --> 00:48:27,238
that they have
a wonderful humorous sense.

850
00:48:29,365 --> 00:48:30,658
It's a sports analogy.

851
00:48:31,450 --> 00:48:32,326
Okay?

852
00:48:32,409 --> 00:48:37,748
6-9 million. He hit it!
All parties supported him.

853
00:48:37,832 --> 00:48:39,875
He wanted his own wing.

854
00:48:40,459 --> 00:48:42,753
Okay?
But I can not withstand Hitler.

855
00:48:42,837 --> 00:48:44,338
He killed 6-9 million.

856
00:48:44,421 --> 00:48:50,594
Stalin murdered 20-25 million
during the same period.

857
00:48:50,678 --> 00:48:52,388
But he can not be arrested

858
00:48:52,471 --> 00:48:56,058
As the most crazy guy,
has ever lived.

859
00:48:56,142 --> 00:49:01,105
It's always: "He's the next Hitler."
How many people are killed?  to be noticed,
before people get on the hat?

860
00:49:01,188 --> 00:49:04,108
"What about him?"
"He is the next Hitler."

861
00:49:04,859 --> 00:49:07,111
What about:
"He's a little Stalin-like"?

862
00:49:07,194 --> 00:49:09,947
"I see a little Jo-Jo in him."

863
00:49:10,030 --> 00:49:12,491
He almost tripled his speech.

864
00:49:13,784 --> 00:49:16,662


865
00:49:17,663 --> 00:49:24,420
But is being mentioned as if he were a
kind of reserve! Does not his murder count?

866
00:49:24,503 --> 00:49:28,382
Can anyone... why does his murder not count? I do not understand it.

867
00:49:28,465 --> 00:49:33,345
Is it because he looks like a normal guy,
his neighbor? Tractor is running.

868
00:49:33,429 --> 00:49:37,766
"I killed a million Ukrainians."
He walks around in the garden.

869
00:49:38,350 --> 00:49:39,435
Is that the reason?

870
00:49:41,228 --> 00:49:44,231
Hitler was just...
he looked right.

871
00:49:44,315 --> 00:49:46,275
He looks like a stereotype character.

872
00:49:46,358 --> 00:49:50,029
One does not find anyone who looks more evil. Go home tonight

873
00:49:50,112 --> 00:49:56,285
and search for images of Hitler. Come on
the same surveillance list as me.

874
00:49:57,995 --> 00:50:01,916
There is no sweet picture
of him from all his life.

875
00:50:01,999 --> 00:50:06,003
He is 100% evil.
There is no boy band-year, like...

876
00:50:08,881 --> 00:50:11,008
Search for a picture of Adolf as baby.

877
00:50:11,091 --> 00:50:14,845
You see it and think:
"Print the dirty thing! Print it!

878
00:50:14,929 --> 00:50:17,181
Down to the river and under a rock.

879
00:50:17,264 --> 00:50:20,434
If you do not, I do.
I swear that it looks on me.

880
00:50:20,517 --> 00:50:25,022
I kick it right in the baby chest
without feeling any fault.

881
00:50:26,649 --> 00:50:32,196
Hitler is so bad that he makes me want to learn to speak German. Not true?

882
00:50:32,279 --> 00:50:35,991
= I want to know What he said to people.
In all the speakers.

883
00:50:37,743 --> 00:50:41,580
He was obviously bindegal.
That must be what he said.

884
00:50:42,748 --> 00:50:43,916
What the hell did he say?

885
00:50:44,875 --> 00:50:48,754
He certainly did not say
what he was going to do.

886
00:50:48,837 --> 00:50:52,591
An unknown candidate,
right from the start...

887
00:50:53,884 --> 00:50:57,054
"Okay, our next speaker
here on stage...

888
00:50:58,555 --> 00:51:02,476
would like to rule Deutschland
in the foreseeable future."

889
00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:07,648
"His name is...
Oh, no. I forgot my glasses.

890
00:51:07,731 --> 00:51:12,611
Is it Ally? Ally?"
"Oh, Adolf. Adolf, okay.

891
00:51:12,695 --> 00:51:16,782
Oh, okay."
"He is wearing braces and braces.

892
00:51:16,865 --> 00:51:20,619
Welcome to Adolf Hitler.
You have three minutes, mate."

893
00:51:20,703 --> 00:51:22,830
"I want to kill millions!

894
00:51:22,913 --> 00:51:26,125
I know how to look:
One centimeter between the eyeballs!

895
00:51:26,208 --> 00:51:28,294
I have uniforms for the rest!"

896
00:51:29,211 --> 00:51:33,424
You can not put out with
to speak such to an audience.

897
00:51:33,507 --> 00:51:36,719
They flip out.
You can not put out so hard.

898
00:51:36,802 --> 00:51:40,723
You can do it in the woods with a few friends.

899
00:51:41,849 --> 00:51:45,602
People are flipping out. "Relax.
There are girls here. Seriously."

900
00:51:47,521 --> 00:51:50,816
"I have a chance to get a bang.
Can not you just be my wingman?

901
00:51:50,899 --> 00:51:52,901
For once,
you can not just...

902
00:51:52,985 --> 00:51:56,989
Be a little less energetic.
People will shoot your theories, okay. "

903
00:51:57,489 --> 00:51:59,742
" Relax.
You have shit around your mouth.

904
00:51:59,825 --> 00:52:02,119
Get a mustache or leave.
You look ridiculous.

905
00:52:02,202 --> 00:52:05,039
I'm sorry, ladies.
He will get a little oversized. "

906
00:52:07,583 --> 00:52:12,046
I just think
he would satisfy the audience.

907
00:52:12,629 --> 00:52:14,673
He told the Germans what they would hear.

908
00:52:14,757 --> 00:52:19,345
" We have the best cars and the best
women. Oktoberfest is wildly fed! "

909
00:52:19,428 --> 00:52:21,430
He shoots free T-shirts.

910
00:52:23,932 --> 00:52:25,517
Skid armband.

911
00:52:28,937 --> 00:52:33,233
It has always been on me.
Not always but recently.

912
00:52:33,317 --> 00:52:38,364
If the guy killed 6-9 million,
we do not want one like him.

913
00:52:38,447 --> 00:52:40,783
What about the guy? 20-25 million?

914
00:52:41,450 --> 00:52:42,451
Not?

915
00:52:43,118 --> 00:52:46,038
There are probably a few
dumped story students who say:

916
00:52:46,121 --> 00:52:50,626
"Bill, if we look at the rest of the world,
what about him Mao in China?"

917
00:52:51,293 --> 00:52:54,671
"He killed 50-60 million.

918
00:52:54,755 --> 00:52:57,299
What about him?
Why do not you mention him?"

919
00:52:57,383 --> 00:52:59,426
Simple enough. I do not count the murder.

920
00:53:03,097 --> 00:53:04,473
I do not count them.

921
00:53:06,100 --> 00:53:08,936
There are a billion people in China.

922
00:53:09,019 --> 00:53:12,523
If you drive wrong on a scooter,
you kill 80 without trying.

923
00:53:13,565 --> 00:53:17,778
50-60 million,
it's like speech from the steroid era.

924
00:53:17,861 --> 00:53:22,199
Seriously. What are you wearing?
Do I really believe that speech?

925
00:53:22,699 --> 00:53:25,202
It's like when the other baseman
makes 50 homeruns.

926
00:53:25,285 --> 00:53:29,915
You made 20 in high school.
Seriously, 50 homeruns!

927
00:53:32,084 --> 00:53:34,002
I do not understand why...

928
00:53:37,214 --> 00:53:39,591
When I come to this part, I always feel

929
00:53:39,675 --> 00:53:43,429


930
00:53:45,806 --> 00:53:48,350
You do not like the sports analogy.
Not true?

931
00:53:49,101 --> 00:53:52,062
Let's talk about music.
We are in Nashville.

932
00:53:52,563 --> 00:53:53,981
We look at it musically. Okay?

933
00:53:55,732 --> 00:53:58,360
Hitler is making an album.

934
00:53:58,444 --> 00:54:02,030
He has a couple of summer hits,
maybe a song for the closing party.

935
00:54:02,114 --> 00:54:03,782
He catches the spirit of time.

936
00:54:03,866 --> 00:54:06,118
He has his own dance,
as "Gangnam Style,"

937
00:54:06,201 --> 00:54:11,457
where he uses his hands a little more.
A song where you use the upper body.

938
00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:16,420
Later that summer
Stalin releases his new album.

939
00:54:16,503 --> 00:54:19,465
He sells 20-25 million albums.

940
00:54:20,007 --> 00:54:23,802
20-25 million albums
is Michael Jackson's <i> Thriller.</i>

941
00:54:23,886 --> 00:54:26,763
One of the greatest artists
and best albums ever.

942
00:54:26,847 --> 00:54:28,432
6-9 million albums,

943
00:54:28,515 --> 00:54:31,685
It's like Hootie & The Blowfishs
<i>Cracked Rear View.</i>

944
00:54:33,979 --> 00:54:37,316
If you are at home in your apartment or leave,

945
00:54:37,399 --> 00:54:39,067
What the hell you are doing here...

946
00:54:40,152 --> 00:54:41,904
and sitting there with your lantern...

947
00:54:44,156 --> 00:54:45,657
and you sleep deeply...

948
00:54:46,950 --> 00:54:48,619
next to your favorite harvest.

949
00:54:48,702 --> 00:54:50,037
I sleep deeply...

950
00:54:50,746 --> 00:54:52,498
When someone says,
at. three in the morning:

951
00:54:52,581 --> 00:54:56,084
"Walk to the bar!
It's the next Michael Jackson!"

952
00:54:56,168 --> 00:55:00,339
You would consider it.
"Michael Jackson, I must see."

953
00:55:00,422 --> 00:55:02,090
But if someone wakes you
and says:

954
00:55:02,174 --> 00:55:06,220
"You must see him! He is the next
Hootie & The Blowfish",

955
00:55:06,303 --> 00:55:09,973
Then you would knock him one with your lantern, or whatever you have.

956
00:55:13,352 --> 00:55:18,106
Why does his skinny murder not count?
Stalin killed his own friends.

957
00:55:19,024 --> 00:55:20,651
Not even Hitler did it.

958
00:55:20,734 --> 00:55:23,278
You are hunting with Stalin.
Believe, you are friends.

959
00:55:23,362 --> 00:55:27,950
He takes photos with you and piss.
Everything is good, is not it?

960
00:55:28,033 --> 00:55:30,619
A week later you have
put your hair different,

961
00:55:30,702 --> 00:55:34,331
And it made him paranoid, so he kills you. Just like that.

962
00:55:34,831 --> 00:55:37,709
Not enough,
He also deletes you from the photo.

963
00:55:37,793 --> 00:55:41,421
Now Stalin gives a tree a hug
or something like a piss.

964
00:55:41,505 --> 00:55:44,091
He shot
people out of photos...

965
00:55:45,175 --> 00:55:47,594
60 years before the technology existed.

966
00:55:47,678 --> 00:55:49,763
He changed the game!

967
00:55:54,518 --> 00:55:57,688
I watch many YouTube videos.

968
00:55:58,230 --> 00:56:00,607
The other evening
was my wife fallen asleep.

969
00:56:00,691 --> 00:56:04,444
Not me because I'm so bims,
so I'm starting to see YouTube clips.

970
00:56:04,528 --> 00:56:10,158
I see a clip with a woman in the zoo.
This woman in zoo,

971
00:56:10,242 --> 00:56:15,622
That certainly does not earn as much
as the guy working in the zoo,

972
00:56:15,706 --> 00:56:18,000
and it should stop.

973
00:56:21,503 --> 00:56:24,798
Ladies, have you considered
to open your own zoo?

974
00:56:25,424 --> 00:56:28,218
Is there a reason that you wait
until it has been built

975
00:56:28,302 --> 00:56:30,804
and first show up
when the hard work is done?

976
00:56:30,887 --> 00:56:36,226
All the animals have been caught.
"Hey, where's my office ?!"

977
00:56:37,311 --> 00:56:38,812
Open your own ski zoo!

978
00:56:39,438 --> 00:56:41,607
Catch your own cobra and see, how it goes.

979
00:56:44,901 --> 00:56:46,612
It's not the point of history.

980
00:56:47,404 --> 00:56:50,449
I'm just a fool sometimes.
So, the lady in the zoo.

981
00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:57,998
She has learned a gorilla sign language.
Not only "hello" and "goodbye."

982
00:56:58,081 --> 00:57:01,460
She has learned the sentences.
It can talk about its feelings.

983
00:57:01,543 --> 00:57:03,337
They conducted a conversation.

984
00:57:03,420 --> 00:57:05,839
The Gorilla talks with her.
"You're sorry."

985
00:57:05,922 --> 00:57:08,258
"I'm a little sorry."
They talked together.

986
00:57:08,342 --> 00:57:13,430
My brain flipped completely.
"Oh god. She talks with a gorilla."

987
00:57:13,930 --> 00:57:16,058
"I love them.
Who does not want to talk to one?"

988
00:57:16,141 --> 00:57:18,727
I forgot that my wife was sleeping,
and then it smelled of me:

989
00:57:18,810 --> 00:57:20,604
"Ask how much it can lift."

990
00:57:21,104 --> 00:57:23,106
"Ask how much it can lift!"

991
00:57:24,524 --> 00:57:28,904
My wife wakes up. "What are you doing?"
"Look! She talks with a gorilla!"

992
00:57:28,987 --> 00:57:31,615
We were completely absorbed by the story.

993
00:57:32,741 --> 00:57:37,788
Then she talks with the gorilla and one day
she decides, she must have a kitten.

994
00:57:37,871 --> 00:57:39,206
A little cat kitten.

995
00:57:39,289 --> 00:57:45,087
I think: "Not a cat! It's
a gorilla." It flags the head of it,

996
00:57:45,170 --> 00:57:49,800
throws the body over and plays with the head. Sniffer to it.

997
00:57:49,883 --> 00:57:53,470
Then it goes to it,
puts his head next to the body

998
00:57:53,553 --> 00:57:58,684
and wondering that it does not travel up. Because it's a dirty gorilla.

999
00:57:59,559 --> 00:58:03,397
A wild animal.
Wild animals do not have pets, well?

1000
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:05,899
They are killing or being killed.
That's the way it is.

1001
00:58:05,983 --> 00:58:08,944
They do not have parakeets
on their shoulder and piss.

1002
00:58:09,945 --> 00:58:11,196
The opposite happened.

1003
00:58:11,279 --> 00:58:14,658
She gives it a kitten
and it immediately understands, it's a baby,

1004
00:58:14,741 --> 00:58:19,287
and the parent instinct takes over.
It was so gentle and filled with joy.

1005
00:58:19,371 --> 00:58:23,041
It was beautiful.
They understood that the beloved kitten

1006
00:58:23,125 --> 00:58:25,627
and used it as a teaching tool.

1007
00:58:25,711 --> 00:58:29,006
Every evening they take the cat from
until the next day.

1008
00:58:29,089 --> 00:58:32,050
Has the gorilla learned his sentences,
may it play with the kitten.

1009
00:58:32,134 --> 00:58:35,971
As a motivational factor.
The Gorilla vocabulary explodes.

1010
00:58:36,054 --> 00:58:41,059
But one evening, when the cat is going home, release it.

1011
00:58:41,143 --> 00:58:42,978
It is hit by a car and dies.

1012
00:58:44,396 --> 00:58:46,231
Yes, the cat you have never met died.

1013
00:58:49,818 --> 00:58:51,486
I'm sorry for your loss.

1014
00:58:52,738 --> 00:58:57,367
I knew it for 20 seconds.

1015
00:58:57,451 --> 00:59:01,788
I do not know if it died instantly,
the car ran over its head.

1016
00:59:02,289 --> 00:59:05,500
Or maybe the car hit the hind legs
and it tried to crawl away

1017
00:59:05,584 --> 00:59:09,963


1018
00:59:10,047 --> 00:59:11,548
but stuck to the road and miave...

1019
00:59:12,257 --> 00:59:15,093
and it could see its own breath.

1020
00:59:15,177 --> 00:59:17,554
Just before it lost
consciousness, the rats came

1021
00:59:18,722 --> 00:59:21,391


1022
00:59:21,475 --> 00:59:25,020
and it screamed and had...

1023
00:59:25,103 --> 00:59:28,648
With little paws like socks,
that tried to get up.

1024
00:59:28,732 --> 00:59:32,569
I do not know what happened.
I seem more concerned  about the killing... I thought
I would come up with a few theories.

1025
00:59:34,654 --> 00:59:38,742
Killing worries you more than
about Hitler. You reacted more to it.

1026
00:59:39,659 --> 00:59:43,455
That's not the point.
The point is...

1027
00:59:44,915 --> 00:59:46,917
that the lady should go back to the zoo

1028
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:49,795
and tell the gorilla,
that the kitten is dead, not.

1029
00:59:49,878 --> 00:59:52,464
When she comes,
the gorilla is completely up and running.

1030
00:59:52,547 --> 00:59:54,299
It's its favorite time of the day.

1031
00:59:54,382 --> 00:59:56,760
Its brain is engaged,
when it sees its little friend.

1032
00:59:56,843 --> 00:59:59,179
It has a completely wild vocabulary.

1033
00:59:59,262 --> 01:00:01,306
The lady is coming.
The gorilla is excited.

1034
01:00:01,389 --> 01:00:07,521
It looks at her:
"Oh, piss! What then? Yes!"

1035
01:00:09,272 --> 01:00:14,027
I can not sign language,
so you have to carry over with me.

1036
01:00:14,111 --> 01:00:19,574
I will do as good as I can.
So it says, "What so? Yes!"

1037
01:00:20,283 --> 01:00:25,789
The animal passport
just sits and is sorry,

1038
01:00:25,872 --> 01:00:27,958
and thinking
how she should tell it

1039
01:00:28,041 --> 01:00:31,086
and the gorilla senses,
that something is wrong. She is...

1040
01:00:31,920 --> 01:00:32,921
"Hi."

1041
01:00:33,713 --> 01:00:37,217
The Gorilla becomes discouraged.
It looks at the lady.

1042
01:00:38,510 --> 01:00:39,511
"What..."

1043
01:00:40,804 --> 01:00:42,556
"What's wrong with you?"

1044
01:00:45,725 --> 01:00:48,520
"Is there something I need to know?"

1045
01:00:55,527 --> 01:00:57,320
The lady is sitting there, like...

1046
01:01:02,576 --> 01:01:03,577
"Well..."

1047
01:01:06,663 --> 01:01:08,039
"Then...

1048
01:01:08,123 --> 01:01:09,666
the killing...

1049
01:01:11,126 --> 01:01:12,502
hit a car...

1050
01:01:13,503 --> 01:01:14,796
and the dead power."

1051
01:01:21,344 --> 01:01:23,346
The Gorilla understood it right away.

1052
01:01:23,430 --> 01:01:27,309
It understood.
Its lower lip diverged,

1053
01:01:27,392 --> 01:01:30,103
It got tears in the eyes,
it made the sign for "crying".

1054
01:01:30,187 --> 01:01:34,399
Later that evening, one could hear the cry in the house.

1055
01:01:34,482 --> 01:01:37,527
They built a house for it.
I do not know why. They live in trees.

1056
01:01:37,611 --> 01:01:40,572
Certainly because of blame
over keeping it locked.

1057
01:01:41,323 --> 01:01:44,367
A three-story.
It sounded like it was in the kitchen.

1058
01:01:44,451 --> 01:01:45,994
You could hear it...

1059
01:01:46,786 --> 01:01:48,622
in the house in the evening that said...

1060
01:01:58,924 --> 01:02:00,508
And there ended the video.

1061
01:02:08,183 --> 01:02:09,559
That ended the video.

1062
01:02:10,143 --> 01:02:12,020
Like you, I sat there too:

1063
01:02:12,103 --> 01:02:13,313
"What the hell?"

1064
01:02:14,731 --> 01:02:16,191
"Does it end with it?"

1065
01:02:16,816 --> 01:02:20,737
At that moment I felt
my wife's head on his shoulder,

1066
01:02:20,820 --> 01:02:23,823
and she said:
"It was so sad."

1067
01:02:25,533 --> 01:02:28,203
"It was beautiful, but it was sad."

1068
01:02:28,286 --> 01:02:34,000
I said, "Wake up with you."
"Go away."

1069
01:02:34,084 --> 01:02:37,003
I closed the laptop,
put it on the nightstand,

1070
01:02:37,087 --> 01:02:39,339
got me up
and started going back and forth.

1071
01:02:40,215 --> 01:02:43,385
I felt this anger in me.

1072
01:02:43,468 --> 01:02:44,678
My wife flipped out.

1073
01:02:44,761 --> 01:02:47,389
"What's wrong?
What's wrong with you?"

1074
01:02:47,472 --> 01:02:50,350
"What do you mean?
The video is far out!"

1075
01:02:52,978 --> 01:02:56,606
What is the purpose of it? You learn
a gorilla to talk and mess with it.

1076
01:02:56,690 --> 01:02:59,234
It gets a kitten, and then the killing dies.

1077
01:02:59,901 --> 01:03:02,904
The Gorilla cries,
it's sad and that's all?

1078
01:03:03,530 --> 01:03:06,783
Are you leaving me?
Should I go around with it in my head?

1079
01:03:08,576 --> 01:03:12,414
How can the video end like this?
Tell me for the hell.

1080
01:03:12,497 --> 01:03:15,000
The Gorilla understood death.

1081
01:03:15,083 --> 01:03:19,337
If it does,
it understands its own captivity.

1082
01:03:19,421 --> 01:03:23,174
But it never happened to the lady,
when she messed with it,

1083
01:03:23,258 --> 01:03:29,889
Asking it about one thing:
"Hey. Do you want to go from here?"

1084
01:03:31,474 --> 01:03:33,685
"Do you hate this?

1085
01:03:33,768 --> 01:03:35,478
Do you want to kill us?

1086
01:03:36,438 --> 01:03:40,859
to keep you caught here
far away from your friends in the jungle?"

1087
01:03:40,942 --> 01:03:47,365
And it would say, "Yes!
Get me out. I'm asking you!

1088
01:03:47,449 --> 01:03:49,784
It's too bad to be here!"

1089
01:03:52,454 --> 01:03:54,956
I could have brainstormed.

1090
01:03:55,040 --> 01:03:57,709
"Okay, I'll get you out of here."

1091
01:03:57,792 --> 01:04:02,422
The only bad thing
would be the gorilla's crazy ideas.

1092
01:04:02,505 --> 01:04:04,883
When you brainstormed a getaway.

1093
01:04:04,966 --> 01:04:07,510
The Gorilla says:
"We take some bananas.

1094
01:04:07,594 --> 01:04:11,556
We throw them and distract them,
and then we climb out by using our arms."

1095
01:04:11,639 --> 01:04:14,851
You are sitting there saying:
"Okay."

1096
01:04:16,227 --> 01:04:20,398
"I do not want to be a fool, but...

1097
01:04:22,025 --> 01:04:24,694
I have a better idea."

1098
01:04:25,320 --> 01:04:28,615
"No, no.
Not to offend you, okay?"

1099
01:04:31,034 --> 01:04:34,329
"But I'm in Big & Tall."

1100
01:04:35,163 --> 01:04:38,750
"I buy a jacket, a hat
and some too far-out shoes."

1101
01:04:39,417 --> 01:04:41,419
"Okay? What you need to do..."

1102
01:04:42,504 --> 01:04:48,510
"What you have to do... You must drop
this piss. Okay, no more of this."

1103
01:04:49,219 --> 01:04:51,679
"It's not to offend you, okay?"

1104
01:04:52,514 --> 01:04:57,185
"You have to get together.
Get up."

1105
01:04:57,894 --> 01:05:01,648
"Down with your arm. Get up.
Here comes the hard part.

1106
01:05:01,731 --> 01:05:05,944
Left hand, right foot,
right hand, left foot.

1107
01:05:06,027 --> 01:05:08,822
Are you with? Bam. Bam. "

1108
01:05:09,864 --> 01:05:11,032
" Okay?

1109
01:05:11,116 --> 01:05:15,286
If you can do that,
are you out of here in ten days. "

1110
01:05:16,162 --> 01:05:17,163
" Cool? "

1111
01:05:17,956 --> 01:05:20,875
" It resolves. Appointment.
Pis! Okay. "

1112
01:05:22,544 --> 01:05:23,795
" See you in ten days. "

1113
01:05:25,255 --> 01:05:29,717
The first day is the gorilla there and thinks:" Okay. "

1114
01:05:49,446 --> 01:05:51,489
" No. No, no, no. "

1115
01:06:07,714 --> 01:06:08,715
" Okay. "

1116
01:06:15,638 --> 01:06:17,056
" Yes! "

1117
01:06:25,732 --> 01:06:26,733
" Pis! "

1118
01:06:31,404 --> 01:06:32,822
It's the first day.

1119
01:06:33,656 --> 01:06:36,117
The first day, but the gorilla is working on the matter .

1120
01:06:36,201 --> 01:06:38,161
Day two, it will be...

1121
01:06:38,244 --> 01:06:41,206
Day three, day five,
day seven, day nine, day ten.

1122
01:06:41,289 --> 01:06:43,833
"I do it!
I'm doing it bad!"

1123
01:06:44,667 --> 01:06:47,795
She could have got
gorilla out of jail.

1124
01:06:47,879 --> 01:06:51,341
One evening. "You're doing it bad."
Put on the jacket and the hat. "Come on!"

1125
01:06:51,424 --> 01:06:53,843
Takes it out into the car,
it's the only way.

1126
01:06:53,927 --> 01:06:56,221
Man drives him by car down to the harbor.

1127
01:06:56,304 --> 01:06:59,891
It's the only way back to the
jungle. You can not go to the airport.

1128
01:07:00,767 --> 01:07:05,104
You can not go through
security check at the airport.

1129
01:07:07,106 --> 01:07:10,026
When he takes off the shoes,
and the thumbs stick out,

1130
01:07:10,109 --> 01:07:12,862
Then it's bad!
It's over.

1131
01:07:12,946 --> 01:07:14,906
You are under the tire.

1132
01:07:14,989 --> 01:07:19,661
You stay under deck,
until you are in international waters.

1133
01:07:19,744 --> 01:07:22,080
Then everything is good.
It is the captain's law.

1134
01:07:22,163 --> 01:07:24,832
"Come on board!"
Make it sit down.

1135
01:07:24,916 --> 01:07:27,919
Other ships sail by:
"Is it a gorilla?"

1136
01:07:28,002 --> 01:07:31,047
"Yes. What are you, blood diamonds?
Fuck you!"

1137
01:07:32,590 --> 01:07:34,592
"Shoot sex slaves, skate with you!"

1138
01:07:35,593 --> 01:07:38,429
"I make him come
on board and flip the mask off!"

1139
01:07:39,472 --> 01:07:44,352
You hang out with the gorilla. You see
it experiences freedom for the first time.

1140
01:07:44,435 --> 01:07:46,854
It finally sees the jungle on the horizon.

1141
01:07:46,938 --> 01:07:50,149
It gets excited, jumps off the boat
and rolls around the sand.

1142
01:07:50,233 --> 01:07:53,903
"Mommy, we did it! Do not destroy
the jacket. I'll deliver it back!

1143
01:07:53,987 --> 01:07:57,156
I love you. I'll miss you.
Dirt before they see you."

1144
01:07:57,240 --> 01:08:01,494
It runs to the outskirts of the jungle
and disappears.

1145
01:08:02,495 --> 01:08:03,496
"It did."

1146
01:08:04,247 --> 01:08:08,751
"I want to see his friends.
He would be free. It will be good.

1147
01:08:08,835 --> 01:08:11,588
He will meet his friends,
talk to them,

1148
01:08:11,671 --> 01:08:13,047
that he should do, not?"

1149
01:08:14,966 --> 01:08:15,967
"Then..."

1150
01:08:17,010 --> 01:08:18,761
"He wants to talk to his friends."

1151
01:08:23,224 --> 01:08:25,768
"He will... certainly teach them to speak."

1152
01:08:30,106 --> 01:08:31,274
"And then...

1153
01:08:32,775 --> 01:08:34,360
they will probably get some horses."

1154
01:08:36,112 --> 01:08:37,905
"Did I Start
<i>Aberne's Planet?</i>

1155
01:08:37,989 --> 01:08:42,619
He wants to teach his friends to talk
and get horses? I have to kill it!"

1156
01:08:43,369 --> 01:08:45,830
"Kill it.
I've kissed me. I have to kill it.

1157
01:08:45,913 --> 01:08:48,374
Where the hell is my Glock ?!
Where is it?

1158
01:08:48,458 --> 01:08:50,752
It was here!
It was right here! Pis!"

1159
01:08:50,835 --> 01:08:52,879
A six-thrower.
"Fuck it, I'll take it."

1160
01:08:52,962 --> 01:08:55,882
You run into the jungle,
but the gorilla has disappeared.

1161
01:08:55,965 --> 01:09:00,219
You can not give up. Society will
blame you. You must kill it.

1162
01:09:00,303 --> 01:09:04,432
So you wander around the jungle for
months. After a 6-7 months

1163
01:09:04,515 --> 01:09:07,935
Have you got malaria
and are just giving up.

1164
01:09:09,646 --> 01:09:12,690
Suddenly your friend is running down,
just like that...

1165
01:09:13,274 --> 01:09:16,986
"Pis! What the hell are you doing here?"

1166
01:09:19,781 --> 01:09:21,741
Then drag your six-thrower forward.

1167
01:09:24,535 --> 01:09:27,830
"I'm sorry.
But I have to do it."

1168
01:09:28,456 --> 01:09:30,917
The Gorilla says: "But...

1169
01:09:32,335 --> 01:09:34,796
I thought we were friends.

1170
01:09:36,714 --> 01:09:37,799
Why?"

1171
01:09:39,717 --> 01:09:40,885
"You know...

1172
01:09:41,552 --> 01:09:43,554
because Jesus wanted it."

1173
01:09:45,848 --> 01:09:49,894
There is a whole book that he created
in his image, which is...

1174
01:09:49,977 --> 01:09:51,229
We are better than you.

1175
01:09:51,854 --> 01:09:56,192
You can not talk to other monkeys
and overturn the Statue of Liberty.

1176
01:09:57,527 --> 01:09:59,320
Everyone will think I'm a asshole.

1177
01:10:01,531 --> 01:10:02,907
Listen, I'll do it quickly. "

1178
01:10:02,990 --> 01:10:06,828
Just when you're gonna shoot,
will gorilla your glock.

1179
01:10:25,930 --> 01:10:27,014
" I want to...

1180
01:10:27,098 --> 01:10:28,558
I just want to know one thing.

1181
01:10:30,768 --> 01:10:31,936
How did you know?

1182
01:10:35,231 --> 01:10:36,566
You knew it before me. "

1183
01:10:40,445 --> 01:10:42,029
I do not have an end.

1184
01:10:45,950 --> 01:10:46,951
I do not have.

1185
01:10:48,119 --> 01:10:51,414
In a strange way
do you know how I had it?

1186
01:10:52,331 --> 01:10:53,750
when I so the video.

1187
01:10:55,668 --> 01:10:58,296
Do you know what it was?

1188
01:10:59,380 --> 01:11:03,551
I've been saying that joke all over the United States, and the gorilla always dies,

1189
01:11:03,634 --> 01:11:05,386
Because Jesus would like it...

1190
01:11:06,137 --> 01:11:07,138
and that's it.

1191
01:11:07,221 --> 01:11:12,143
But the jok was a failure
in all cities in the United States,

1192
01:11:12,226 --> 01:11:16,939
except Dallas in Texas. It was
the only place they understood it.

1193
01:11:17,023 --> 01:11:18,524
I do not criticize Texas.

1194
01:11:18,608 --> 01:11:21,944
It was a failure in Houston, Austin, El Paso, San Antonio.

1195
01:11:22,028 --> 01:11:24,781
But a hit in Dallas.
They were the only ones who understood it.

1196
01:11:24,864 --> 01:11:27,200
They said:
"You did what you should."

1197
01:11:27,867 --> 01:11:29,452
"You did what you should."

1198
01:11:30,161 --> 01:11:35,958
"I also loved the gorilla,
but two species can not coexist."

1199
01:11:37,919 --> 01:11:41,464
"If you have a pair of gorillas
on a horse without a saddle,

1200
01:11:41,547 --> 01:11:45,092
And give it a gun, it's out with society as we know it. "

1201
01:11:46,719 --> 01:11:51,599
" You deserve a hypothetical medal
to kill the gorilla, hypothetically. "

1202
01:11:53,267 --> 01:11:58,481
So... Okay. I ending with
a quick little story.

1203
01:11:59,106 --> 01:12:01,567
They are talking about how to satisfy women,

1204
01:12:01,651 --> 01:12:04,445
but not enough
how to make a man happy.

1205
01:12:04,529 --> 01:12:06,989
The good thing about men is that
that we ı Do you want to make a man happy?

1206
01:12:07,073 --> 01:12:10,535
If you have a sweet guy,
you just have to do it here.

1207
01:12:10,618 --> 01:12:13,538
Four times a year,
one time per season...

1208
01:12:13,621 --> 01:12:16,207


1209
01:12:19,961 --> 01:12:21,003
You go out into the kitchen.

1210
01:12:21,087 --> 01:12:24,549
Without saying a ski
you make a sandwich, open a beer,

1211
01:12:24,632 --> 01:12:28,511
Give him it, and without
to say a word, you will go again.

1212
01:12:32,348 --> 01:12:33,766
That's all you have to do.

1213
01:12:34,767 --> 01:12:38,688
Every three months. It will make
him happy. That is all.

1214
01:12:38,771 --> 01:12:41,023
I know it sounds chauvinistic.

1215
01:12:41,107 --> 01:12:44,318
Because I say: "Go to the kitchen.
Make a sandwich for your husband."

1216
01:12:44,402 --> 01:12:46,863
I do not say
that the woman's room is in the kitchen

1217
01:12:46,946 --> 01:12:49,240
barefoot and pregnant,
while she rubs my bullets

1218
01:12:49,323 --> 01:12:50,408
I'm not saying that.

1219
01:12:52,326 --> 01:12:53,327
Okay?

1220
01:12:54,412 --> 01:12:56,789
I just say:
"Women go out into the kitchen."

1221
01:12:56,873 --> 01:13:00,877
Go to the kitchen four times
a year and make a sandwich.

1222
01:13:00,960 --> 01:13:03,921
A small child can do it.
Just make it.

1223
01:13:04,422 --> 01:13:09,385
Take two pieces of sliced bread
and two pieces of pre-murdered meat.

1224
01:13:10,177 --> 01:13:11,470
Bring some mustard on it.

1225
01:13:11,554 --> 01:13:15,808
Take a beer, give it to him,
and do not slip and slip.

1226
01:13:15,892 --> 01:13:20,021
And I mean skating. Not that you should
enter another room for ten minutes

1227
01:13:20,104 --> 01:13:21,689
and then head in.

1228
01:13:21,772 --> 01:13:23,316
"Did you like it? Was it good?

1229
01:13:23,399 --> 01:13:25,860
Good, for downstairs we shall...

1230
01:13:25,943 --> 01:13:29,196
Do not bother me!
I've just made a sandwich for you! '

1231
01:13:30,114 --> 01:13:33,910
I mean skipping. Sit in the car
and drive to hell.

1232
01:13:33,993 --> 01:13:36,954
Take the kids and go.

1233
01:13:37,038 --> 01:13:39,165
See <i> The Lord of the Rings </i> a couple of times

1234
01:13:39,248 --> 01:13:43,419
and leave your husband in shocked silence
because of what you just did.

1235
01:13:44,003 --> 01:13:46,380
If you want to see your husband
become emotional,

1236
01:13:46,464 --> 01:13:50,927
then make a sandwich for him,
as he has not asked.

1237
01:13:51,010 --> 01:13:54,221
He will wipe the tears away with the bread.

1238
01:13:55,181 --> 01:13:56,974
He will be so shocked...

1239
01:13:57,642 --> 01:14:01,479
"Have you made it to me?
I did not even ask for it. "

1240
01:14:02,438 --> 01:14:03,481
" Oh God! "

1241
01:14:06,609 --> 01:14:08,569
"I think she still loves me!"

1242
01:14:10,613 --> 01:14:11,614
Yes.

1243
01:14:11,697 --> 01:14:14,992
Quick History.
Me and my wife bought a house in 2011.

1244
01:14:15,076 --> 01:14:18,329
With "me and my wife"
I think I paid for it.

1245
01:14:20,539 --> 01:14:23,084
She hates that joke,
but I'm terrified.

1246
01:14:23,918 --> 01:14:26,337
That's true.
She's always on my neck.

1247
01:14:26,420 --> 01:14:29,298
"Do not put your shoes over there.
They must be over there."

1248
01:14:29,382 --> 01:14:32,301
"I bought both over and over here,

1249
01:14:32,385 --> 01:14:35,596
so I put my skid shoes
where it suits me."

1250
01:14:37,306 --> 01:14:40,226
"I'll take my shirt off!
Where should it be?"

1251
01:14:41,143 --> 01:14:42,144
Not true?

1252
01:14:44,772 --> 01:14:47,733
We are in the house.
She is reviewing it because she is swift.

1253
01:14:47,817 --> 01:14:50,361
She finds the room that gets sun,
checks the cabinets.

1254
01:14:50,444 --> 01:14:52,571
Like another idiot
I will check the garage.

1255
01:14:52,655 --> 01:14:57,576
I'm looking for it. I open the door.
The last owners have not emptied it.

1256
01:14:57,660 --> 01:15:00,329
There was a broken refrigerator,
an old filing cabinet,

1257
01:15:00,413 --> 01:15:02,456
A spinal cord machine,
something from a luau.

1258
01:15:02,540 --> 01:15:05,584
There were seven company courses
in the ski garage,

1259
01:15:05,668 --> 01:15:09,130
that I should empty
in 30 degree heat,

1260
01:15:09,213 --> 01:15:12,383
like a redhead guy hating his life.

1261
01:15:12,466 --> 01:15:14,969
After three hours
I cut my forearms,

1262
01:15:15,052 --> 01:15:17,054
sweats and is covered
by spider spindle.

1263
01:15:17,138 --> 01:15:19,432
I want to burn the ski house down.

1264
01:15:19,515 --> 01:15:22,518
I'm ready to go.
But out of the blue my wife pops up

1265
01:15:22,601 --> 01:15:25,229
With a big smile on her lip,
and she has made a sandwich.

1266
01:15:25,896 --> 01:15:29,525
Cut it half past diagonally,
and it's true love, right?

1267
01:15:30,234 --> 01:15:32,862
If they do not cut it out,
they might as well throw it.

1268
01:15:32,945 --> 01:15:37,158
"Here, your pig.
Pour yourself clean!

1269
01:15:37,241 --> 01:15:38,743
You should live out here!

1270
01:15:38,826 --> 01:15:40,911
You should live out here!"

1271
01:15:41,537 --> 01:15:46,542
Cut out, diagonally,
with Fritos in the middle and an ice cold beer.

1272
01:15:46,625 --> 01:15:48,502
It's been five years since she did.

1273
01:15:49,211 --> 01:15:53,007
But occasionally I still think
on that sandwich.

1274
01:15:53,883 --> 01:15:54,884
It's incredible.

1275
01:15:54,967 --> 01:15:58,471
It appears in my brain
as a good memory.

1276
01:15:58,554 --> 01:16:00,639
I'm talking to myself in the car.

1277
01:16:00,723 --> 01:16:04,018
"Do you remember when she made
a sandwich for me? Incredible!"

1278
01:16:04,560 --> 01:16:08,689
"She cut it over, Fritos, an ice cold beer." I felt like a king! "

1279
01:16:09,899 --> 01:16:12,651
That's all it takes.
Do you know how it feels?

1280
01:16:12,735 --> 01:16:15,237
Can you remember the movie
<i>A world outside?</i>

1281
01:16:15,988 --> 01:16:20,951
The scene where the prisoners drink beer
on the roof with the sun in the face?

1282
01:16:21,035 --> 01:16:22,286
How it felt.

1283
01:16:23,496 --> 01:16:24,830
The only thing missing was

1284
01:16:24,914 --> 01:16:28,167
was Morgan Freeman's voice,
as saying:

1285
01:16:28,250 --> 01:16:31,378
"In 20 minutes
Bill Burr felt like a free man."

1286
01:16:32,046 --> 01:16:34,632
There is no more time.
I have been wonderful.

1287
01:16:34,715 --> 01:16:36,300
Thank you very much for coming.

1288
01:16:38,302 --> 01:16:39,887
Thanks, thank you.

1289
01:16:43,057 --> 01:16:45,309
It has been fun.
Thank you.

1290
01:17:00,241 --> 01:17:02,243
Texts by: Jacob Jensen